Do Go On - 40 - The Three Montys

Episode Date: July 26, 2016

Three men, one identity. Who is the real Monty? During World War II, two men impersonate English General Bernard Montgomery. One of them can't dance and the other is the world's biggest bad ass. A story of deception and espionage. This is the story of The Three Montys...Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. Most weight loss programs are short-term fixes, but managing your weight needs a long-term solution,

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Welcome to Duke I want, my name is Dave Warneke and I am here with Matt and Jess Perkins and Stuart. The other way around there, it's not Matt Perkins, not Jess Stuart. That was actually hard for me to say the wrong way. Do you think if people had a guess so far who out of the three of us had some beers? Who do you think I'd guess? Who do you think I'd guess?

Who do you think I'd guess? Who do you think I'd guess? Who do you think I'd guess? Who do you think I'd guess? I have, let me explain, I have not had any beers, but I have moved house today, I'm very, very tired. And what happens when I get really tired before I crash is I get very hyperactive to compensate. And that is what I'm experiencing right now.

So who knows if that's gonna keep going or if I will crash and burn in 10 minutes. It's good, it's somebody else's turn to be the hyperactive child on the show. And now I'm gonna be the cool, you know, the calm and collected one. We were having a good old sing song before to fleet wood back. All right, sing song before to fleet woodback.

All right. All right. Not fleet woodback. Well, I think that's E17. E17, so I get those two confused. Cabo classic band. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point.

Both, you know, lasting long after they... Well, fleet woodback are still going. Long before and after E17 existed in Africa Existing explain what this podcast is at this point if you don't now is episode number 40 Happy 40th everyone there could be brand new listeners. We look great for 40 hello brand new listeners We look pretty great. We've got we like Fleetwood Mac and E17 One of a strings one of us moves house and Jess is great. So the full spectrum. The full spectrum. We tick all the boxes. This is the show where we do one of us takes it. Well, we take it in turns each week to do a report or write a

report on a topic and report back to the class. Matt's got his hand raised. Yes, Matt. Where one of us takes it in turns. What's confusing? How does that... No, no, all right, so we're going to take it in turns. New format. We all take it in turns. One of it. All right, this is going to be...

I'm really hyperactive. So, uh, we broke his brain. Anyway, it's my turn to do the report. That's what I'm trying to get to. And these are our favourites, aren't they, Matt? Yes. High five there. It's my turn to do the report. That's what I'm trying to get to and these are our favorites aren't they Matt? Yes High five there so they Jess and Matt don't know what I'm about to talk about we never do but we do know that it'll be around

4,000 words. Yeah, now try to cut a little bit short of this week. What are we three six? 3 3 3 Wow Wow! It took a bloody big time for you guys. There will be a time for a few Q&As at the end. I'm so proud of you though. Thank you. Yeah, it's really great. Thank you so much.

That's great. Okay, so we start with a question. Let's get stuck in. I've got the question. And the question is, we'll get to the topic. First of all, question. Who do people tell you you most look like? Who do people?

And it could be a famous person or it could just be... Steve Bashimi. For you. You're pointing at me. I get tired of looking like a few people. Steve Bashimi. Tilted his wenton, you know. Wait, so this topic is about someone who I look like.

No, no, it will be about... No, well, I don't want to give away the topic first. I just want to go around the table. I'm really impressed. So Matt, do people ever say, Hey, don't look like my friend or hey, you look like that guy. The two main ones that I've gotten over, well, after the first one is only going to be make any sense to Australian listeners and probably not necessarily all of them, but I get

told sometimes I look like a young captain snooze, which is Rod Quantock and Australian company legend. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, like a younger version snooze, which is Rod Quantock and Australian company legend. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, like a younger version, because he's a veteran. A veteran. He's like the longest running comedian, pretty much. Yeah, he's like an absolute pioneer. And the other one is a shaggy from Scooby Doo.

Oh, that's pretty good too. But how do you meant shaggy the dread after making Rapper? Mr. Bombastic. Mr. Rover Lover. Shugget. Remember he's just a yellow shugget. And then he gets other people to sing the chorus and still take all the credits. Shugget.

Shugget. It wasn't me. He just recorded that once and then the copy and paste it in. Smart man. Yeah, no, I don't look at all like him. So Shaggy from Scooby Duck, I can totally see that. Yeah, it's weird to be told at all like him. Um, but you look so shea even scuba I can totally see that Yeah, it's weird to be told you look like a cartoon character, but fair enough How about you?

Both a furniture mascot and a cartoon character Live in the dream. Yeah, very sweet. I've been told a couple of female comedians that I look like a rich I used to get told I look like Corinne Grant, again, Australian friends. Oh yes, Australian comedian. Yeah and I, well I don't know, people always say I'm like Celia Piccola but I think that's mannerisms rather than looks, but I don't really, I don't think I look like anybody. Now, if you could perfect both the looks and the mannerisms then you would be well up for the topic that we are talking about today. Oh, it's sort of a, is this about the Liabird, Australian native bird who can mimic any sound

but... And look, as long as the look is that of the libert, because they nail that. If the libert is half chameleon also. Oh, is it half chameleon libert? Is that what it is? Not the topic, but so close. I'm the one who had beers today.

Yes, I just have a cold coming on. So I'm actually feeling quite mellow, which is rare. Now look, we're all having a good time, so either deal with it. Or fuck off. Okay, so we've got Corinne, we've got Shaggy, we've got C.B. Sheebie myself. You've officially intrigued me. Some people take that to a whole new level and they are professional looking like other

people. Like professional impersonators? Well, obviously there's people like or body double for money, like on the Hollywood strip, people that dress up like Marilyn Monroe, get you further with. Is this the blue character from X-Men? This one beast.

No, the other blue character. The Jennifer Lawrence. Oh Jennifer. Yeah. She's a shapeshifter, right? She's called Misty. Mr. Mimic. Mr. Mimic. It throws him off every time. Misty for sure. Yeah, Misty goes right. I'd really committed to getting it wrong. It sounds like you made a

mistake over there. I made a big mistake. Thank you. That was a high five from just addition out of high five. No, no, that was a a that was worth a high five. Oh, it totally was okay But obviously some people do do this for money, but it's pretty obvious that it's not Marilyn Monroe But I'm talking about people that pretend to be world leaders. What might be? When the famous person that are personating is sick or then also they're not easily followed or worse assassinated Have you seen the movie Dave? I've never seen the movie Dave. Which is ridiculous, because your name is Dave.

I know. Is that about an impersonator of the American president? Yes. Played by the go of the mustache? We know. Oh yeah, no, I think he doesn't know mustache. Maybe he does. But the go ahead of mustache at one point.

I think you're combining Dave and Fisk's creatures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has a mustache in Fisk's creatures. Kevin Klein? Yes, mustache. The Gourney Weaver. Mustache. So it's not Kevin Klein, though.

It's Kevin Klein. It is, who has a had a mustache? No, I think your, the character does not have a mustache in Dave. All right, but in life he has had a mustache. For, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for That confused Corinne what is going I don't know what the topic is every way the topic it we haven't got to the god damn topic Okay, every week feels like it's our loosest episode yeah 40 Shuggy So people that look like world leaders like I say if the world leader is sick or they want to try and

Be a decoy so they're not followed or so they're not assassinated. People that have allegedly had doubles because they're pretty secretive about it. Osama bin Laden, apparently had many doubles. Stalin, Hitler, Fidel Castro. So which Hitler were we talking about? There's so many. There's so many. Yeah, this is a joke.

Gary, Gary Hitler. This is a joke because you're just saying like just his own names, but it could be. Gary, Gary Hitler. Is this a joke? Because you're just saying, like, just his own names, but it could be. Could it be anyone? Could it be Jimmy Hitler? Little Jimmy Hitler. Remember that guy? He was a big, uh, he was a big song and dance man.

Little Jimmy Hitler. Welcome to the stage. And he'd come out and go, hey, get tepatepate. Hey, you're my little Jimmy. Hit. Look, boobie, da boob, boob. Here we go. And a lot of drop down. It was the first breakdown. It was a little jammy Hitler. Wasn't it amazing how his career suddenly went down after 1939?

Yeah, especially because he started in the 60s. Yeah, I don't know what that means. You're a great at improv. Yes, and she's all over his suggestion. I did too. You bastard. So, give it to me again. No, fuck you. No, don't give it to me again.

He did deserve it. Cup that to me, Hitler. Yeah, he did. His career went downhill then. See? There we go. Yes, and he did. Now, so I want to talk about body doubles.

Sure. But before we get into the main topic, I want to talk about bodydumbs. Sure. But before we get into the main topic, I want to talk about one of my favorite examples that I read about the lookalike, and that is the CIA apparently used a lookalike to try and take down the first Indonesian president, Sukano, Sukano, in the 1950s. So he was the first president of Indonesia after the country declared independence from the Netherlands Learning here since 1800 it was a colony colony known as Dutch East Indies And was and then was occupied by Japan during World War two and then after the Second World War so Kano became the country's first president But he started veering Indonesia to the left by providing support and protection to the Indonesian Communist Party.

Sorry, he said, veering it to the left, I imagine, like Indonesia as a boat. He's like, he's a Shaft! Left! Left! Left, we're funny in my head. Then he also went back to the series of aggressive foreign policies under, or that were anti-imperialistic with the aid of Soviet Union and China, obviously the enemies of the Americans, because it's during the Cold War. So America didn't like him, so they wanted to try and disgrace him. A real effort was made to come up with a pornographic film,

or at least some still photographs that could pass for Sikano and his Russian girlfriend engaged in quote his favorite activity sex that would be very discrediting the president and his girlfriend have sex. Get him out of here! No, but so it was also married and so they wanted to try and get him out of here. And what they first did was they went through a bunch of existing pornos to try and see if there was one that looks like him. God, imagine how he met that sound. And they didn't find one. Smith, you got to go through all of the porn in the world.

So yes, we want a guy that looks exactly like that and and she's got to look like a blonde Russian woman Well, she was a brunette Russian woman not good enough try again try again So the CIA decided to try and make its own porno great and because they still couldn't find any porn stars that look like the Indonesian leader they are developed a full face mask of him No And then they sent it to Los Angeles, made the film. No copy of the film is survived, sadly, but apparently the plan was. Would you want to see it? Imagine a 1950s quality mask, trying to look like an actual person. I think so. It's like a big paper mache. No, when you have a mask and you can tuck it into a shirt or something.

But there'd be nothing to tuck in due because he's stuck it. No, no, I tucked it in with four skin. My favorite part of that sentence was the look of immediate regret on your face. I'll DM at you. Oh no, no, no. Oh no, no, no, I will say that. And apparently the plan was an absolute failure, and Indonesians didn't care at all.

I cannot believe that it was a failure. They didn't care, and he went on to be president until the 60s. His popularity grew. Yeah, that's like. Like his full skin. Close. Close, close.

Now, that is one of my favorite examples, but my absolute favorite story of political decoy is it happened during the Second World War and right now I'd like to take a moment to do a shout out to Joe Boyd who messaged us on Facebook requesting that we do the topic of World War II pranks and decoys because there's a lot of these. I like Joe Boyd's work. She's given us some great feedback. Yes we do love people.

Over the time that we've been doing the show. How many bees? Long term listener, Joe Boyd. Thank you very much. I'd actually come across this topic when I was doing the Diet Love Past Research because I was looking up star. I think it's a dillettovas, what you're pronounciation. You're mispronouncing my mispronunciation. And I was looking at the... Mispronouncing. Oh no. Yeah, so I came across the Starland decoy, and that's how I got into this.

But this does tie into Joe's suggestion of World War Two, Pranks and Decoy, so I hope that you'll like this one, Joe. So, World War Two, my favorite story of political decoy is the impersonation of Bernard Montgummery. That is a fantastic name. It's a great name. Never heard of him. He heard of the famous English general, Bernard Montgummery.

No, not. I've named... It's very acute. Monty. Monty. Oh, nice. The famous. Yeah, I think when he said,

you've ever heard of the famous guy Montgummery? No, I've never heard of him. I'm Montomeray? No, I've heard of you. I'm Montgomeray. Who is it? What was the name again? Bernad. Montgomeray. Now, but if you're an English person, which we have a few people in the UK listening to the show,

I'm sure that you would have heard of Bernadmogomeray growing up. It's kind of like John Monash for us, you know. Do you know the man on the $100 bill with a mustache? Yeah. Also, I went to Monash University, have ever heard of it? No, that was named after Dylan Monash. Fuck! No, it wasn't, it made that up.

Goddamn! Man, you feel shit. Now before we get to the impersonation part of the story, I've got to give you a background on Bernard Montgomery or Monty. Monty! Monty's his often known. So he was born in London in 1887. Classic Monty. Is he a geyser?

1887. What a year to be alive. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, it's really, really old. But he was the son of an Anglican bishop, Henry Montgomery, and his wife, Maud, who was 18 years younger than Henry. Maud, a lot of very symphony names in this. Maud Montgomery. C Montgomery. Yes, Maud Montgomery. Henry Montgomery, so Maud's father, became the Bishop of Tasmania.

Sorry, what? In 1889. In Australia. Like our Tasmania. Tasmania in Australia, so just two years after his son's birth, the family moved to Tasmania. What? Yeah.

And he spent a lot of time there. Bishop Montgomery considered it his duty to spend as much time as possible in the rural areas of Tasmania. All of them. And he was, well, he was away up to six months at a time. So he didn't say his dad very much. It's not that big. I don't know, but he was just off being in a bishop. Hey, wait, because we got Tasmania in the hat as well. So does this, does this mean we can tick

off Tasmania? And that's desperate to tick it off, because the hat is so fully, can't even put it on. Sitting way above my bloody head. Yeah, you look like a idiot. Oh, hang on, but that's gonna be the hat. You should also do so. Oh hang on, fuck. Now Mord, Mord, Montgomery took little, so the husband's away. Mord's raising the children, but she took little acts. Somebody think of the children. Well, not Mord, because she took little interest in their education

other than to have them taught by tutors. So she was like, you know what I didn't spend much. It wasn't very loving with their children. The loveless, okay, okay, well, you're making a bit of an assumption there based on her attention to their education. That doesn't mean she didn't love them. Quote, that I read,

the loveless environment made burnards something of a bully, as he himself recalled, quote, I was a dreadful little boy, I don't suppose anybody would put up with my sort of behavior these days, but in 1887 Anything, anything went. Do you have a quote from Mord saying she didn't love her children? Yeah, there was that doesn't count. Later in his life, Montgomery refused to allow his son David to have anything to do with his grandmother And refused to attend her funeral in 1949. Do you have a quote from Mord saying she doesn't love her children?

All of us all you've given us so far It doesn't like a sojournistic boy Who just thinks everything he mum is mum tried very hard Mum tried very hard. It's not easy being in a mother in the 17th century Dave did you know did you know about that the 17th century? Dave did you know did you know about that the 17th century? 19th century what year is it 18? 1887 the 21st century I mean all the I mean Do you know to be honest? It's not easy be a mother in any of these centuries

I mean like until you mother to child Dave maybe you're not in a position to say whether or not Mord is a good loving mother or not, Dave. Have a think about that. For enough. He didn't love her. There we go. That's it. You can say that. The evidence that you have presented indicates that.

So let's not shittle over more. I did hear a story that the man himself told Monty that he was called smoking. So he was a bit of a rebel house, a bit of a troublemaker. Bad boy. Got caught smoking. His dad comes out and says, think about what he's done. I want you to go and apologize to God so you start a prank because he's dead. This bishop. Sure. Monty thought that the the problem was dealt with to

his mother found out and then she beat the shit out of him with a stick so there you go. So she's not a fan doing God's work. Doing God's work. Doing God's work. Doing God's work. Doing God's work. So putting a finger on Dave's lips. No, please do. Put it back there. Ah, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Is it more? The family moved back to London when the bishop got another job. Oh, good.

When Monty was in his teens, teens. Bert and Montgomery went to military school and upon graduation became a career soldier. He became a soldier and served for a time in India. World War I started, So it was a soldier before World War I and he was one of the first people to fight. He's there from there. He's just out there with boxing gloves. Let me out of, let me out of, well not what most people won't know about World War I is that it started with just two guys boxing and it just just got out of, let me out of. Well, not what most people won't know about what a one is. It started with just two guys boxing,

and it just got out of hand. It got out of hand. He's got worth it, mate. He's not worth it. No, fuck him, fuck him. What did you say about my mom? Boom! And suddenly, there was fighting everywhere.

I don't mind if I call more to dickhead, but you can't. That's my mom. Suddenly, 40 million people died. So he started fighting in France very early on the war. And two months in, he was shot through the lung. And in the knee by a sniper, in a very harrowing event where he was shot. And another man he was with was also shot. Because they were out of the trench in No Man's Land.

He gets shot, the other guy gets shot and falls on top of him, and then he can't move all night because if he stands up, he'll get shot again. So the other guy dies on top of him, and eventually when it gets dark, someone goes out and rescue him, and they didn't think he was gonna make it, but he made it. Awesome. And he was awarded the Distinguished Service Order

for Gellant's leadership. For lying still. Lying still under a slowly dying goal. Well, this is what I've got to quote here from the London Gazette in December 1914, talking about his award. Conspicuous Gallant leading on 13th of October when he turns the enemy out of their trenches with the bayonet, so he started stabbing people. When he was severely wounded, so he's a real tough guy.

Yeah, cool. He's a bit of a badass. There's only a couple weeks ago we were talking about where we'd like to be shot. Didn't think of lung, did we? Lung? No. In fact I said no vital organs but here he is. Yeah I guess you got a couple. You got a you got a backup plan. No one tweeted in where they'd like to be shot. Probably a good thing. Front boy. Yeah. Well, let's chance now. Yeah, do you want to make that public? Yeah, don't. Where would you like to be shot? That's not good.

I mean, time. Is it a problem with making it public? That would mean if you were going to shoot them, I know where to avoid. Yeah, exactly. Alright. I'm going to get them in their head. They didn't want it there. They did want to suckers.

They're going to look really stupid. He returned to combat and rose to the ranks throughout World War One. And when he finished, he was a Lieutenant Colonel. Lieutenant Colonel, just for context. It goes Officer Cadet, Second Lieutenant, Lieutenant, Captain, Major, Lieutenant Colonel. She's about halfway up here.

I think in England it's left-tenant. I think in America it's Lieutenant and it's spelled the same but it's pronounced differently. Anyway, not important. Not worth stopping him. Sorry Dave. And that's okay. And there it goes. Colonel.

Brigadier. Major General. I like Brigadier. Me too. Lieutenant General. General. Fieldhal, or Captain General at the top. So he's about half way out. But this is through one war, so four years. So he's risen through the ranks pretty good. Yeah. Between the wars, he remained in the army because he's a career soldier.

He had not, at first been selected for Staff College, which is his only hope of achieving high command. This is where you get picked to be trained, to become one of these top five people that I said. But at a tennis party in Cologne, he was able to persuade the commander in chief of the British army, so William Robinson, to add his name to the list. Let me in. All right. I imagine that's what happened. Well, we'll have a rally. Whoever wins the rally gets to be the Colonel. One, over here we go one two right over oh I can't wait I wasn't ready yet now that was the real best best to a three

cop that on the general um is that how it went well is that how that conversation it poor sportsmanship if you ask me. Well speaking of poor sportsmanship I did, I wasn't going to put this in but I did hear a story listen to a BBC podcast. A podcast called Great Lives that I often listen to. Oh! I remember the BBC, BBC's been going for years and what happens is a famous person comes in and they have to talk about a person from history that they admire

and then they get an expert to come in as well and they just talk about the person. So I listened to the one on Berder and Montgomery and which is very very interesting and the story that one of the the expert on Monty told was that when he was in India when he was a young soldier the German prince came to visit this before the war, so they're not fighting. He came to visit and the boss of the army base got Monty, he said, ah, we're going to organize like a soccer match between our soldiers and his entourage. And he said to Monty, but take take it easy on them because they've never played soccer before. So you know, let them him win. So Monty got the best players in the whole base

and they beat them 40-0. Fuck. He was like, I'm not gonna let those Germans win. So there you go. He was very competitive guy. And I imagine that that's how he, what happened at the tennis party. So he went to staff college

and then he was appointed Brigadier Major. Oh, that's great. Brigadier is a fun word. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier. This is good fun. Brigadier.

It's like our local, one of our local electorates of Maribonong. Maribonong is fun to say. Brigadier. Maribonong. The Maribonong remix. 1927 Monty, now. Brigadier. Brigadier.

Exactly. Ah. Ah. Sorry. I've lost my train of thought. What was he? Brigadier. Major. In 1927 now a Brigadier Major.

Oh. Sorry, I'm sorry. He met and married Elizabeth Carver, who was the widow of Oswald Carver, who had been an Olympic-rowing Medalist who Saudi was killed in the First World War at Gallipoli. Oh, she could pick him. Couldn't she? Yeah, Olympic gold medalist and now a So they they used to know like your surname was from your occupation. I think I think you're thinking medieval times. This is the 19th century remember. Olden days, olden days, yes. No, right. 19th century, not 9th century century so at this point he was Covering the system isn't it he'd probably just have his dad's name. Yeah, she's numbers will be much easier. Yeah, yeah So it's so they had a son called David are they married but was on holiday in England

At the beach she suffered an insect bite which became infected and she died oh Much like remember Lord Canavan from the Therese curse? Yeah. He had a mechanic that's not shaving. That's right, Monty. But now, Monty is another great name too. Wicked, no.

Wicked, no. Wicked, no. Wicked, no. That can't exist because people can't take. We had over here, Mr Wicked, dear. Broding? The lost devastated Monty, but he insisted on throwing himself back into his work immediately after the funeral, which is pretty timely because only a couple of years later it was World

War II and by this time he was a major general. Oh yeah, not as fun. And throughout the war he kept going and in 1942 he was promoted to field marshal. Oh damn. Field marshal feels like it's a boy doing that job. Yeah. Well that is fetch me something Mr little field marshal. Yeah that's what it feels like. But that field marshal I don't know if you remember that is top dog. Yeah. He is in charge or one of the top dogs. He's in charge of the British ground forces. That's pretty impressive.

A lot of people are under him. But one thing I did find interesting was he became quite a character. And it was very well known. He sort of created a character for himself. He started wearing a black beret, which pissed off a lot of people in the army because it was not for someone of his rank or background to wear a Beret. It was like you had to be either, like people who drove tanks got to wear this black

Beret, but he decided he thought it looked badass and he just put these two military badges on it, which you're not also supposed to put on your hat. But he just wore that everywhere and and then he was instantly recognizable, and he sort of became this celebrity, because he started winning a few battles, and he was very outspoken, and he always, he had this image. That's so an army like.

Yes, he got aware what you got aware. Correct, I know it. So apparently a lot of the old senior people were trying to hint to him that he should not wear that. But he'd gone through a few different hats, apparently for a while he tried an Australian slouch hat. Yes, he was a slouch hat that Anne's ex-Azurelian soldiers are pretty famous for. I was on the 2019.

Exactly. So he was now top dog, a story which was popular at the time but probably made up. Apparently Monty remarked after he was appointed top dog, and so there's the middle of the world, World War II, 1942, three years in, three years ago. He apparently said, after having an easy war, things have now got much more difficult. A colleague is supposed to have told him,

no, Monty, cheer up, cheer up, mate. Don't be so hard on yourself. And he said, apparently Monty said, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about Romelle, who is his, like the in charge of the Nazi army. So he's equivalent. So yeah.

So it's bad for him. What an arrogant prick. He really was. He really was very, very arrogant. And he also rocked, hopefully you can imagine what this guy looks like. He also rocked a, oh, hopefully you can imagine what this looks like. He also rocked a really, really dirty mustache. Yes. So blackberry, two badges that aren't supposed to be there, dirty mustache.

You know what would have been cooler, if it was a different coloured beret, like just off the top of my head, maybe like a pink. Right, I was very pink. Or a red. Yeah. Or a rust, beret. Rust. What about a beige beret? I like it. Pink. A red. Yeah. Or a rasp. Berry.

Rasp. What about a beige. Berry. Bage. He wore a beige. Burray. What about a blueberry. Burray.

Blueberry. Burray. Yep. The blueberry. Can you find your second hand? Oh, it would be the... This is a very musical episode, isn't it? Maybe two musical. Never.

Please do go on. So now we stop dog. The Germans are watching him more closely. They're all spying on each other. By 1944, the war had been going for a long, long time, obviously. Germany was fighting the Allies on the West and the Russians on the East.

And the Nazis occupied much of France. The Allies planned to invade Normandy in northern France in June in what was codenamed Operation Neptune and since known to history as D-Day or the D-Day landings, which was a great thing for the Allies and helped them win the war, but trying to keep the massive innovation a secret the Allies decided to come up with a number of decoys. D-D-D-D-D-Coy! It's decoy time! You get a decoy! You get a decoy!

Woo! Um, born in 1898, 11 years after Monty, Merrick, Edward, Clifton Jones. Jesus, amazing name. Better known as ME Jones. ME Jones, ME Jones. ME Jonesy, ME Jonesy. It's so good. He was born in Perth, Western Australia.

Perth, wow, wow. What was that actually? It was gone on there. Where were you, wow, wow? Oh, that's a little blood rush. That's a little blood rush. That's a little blood rush. That's a little blood rush. W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W So me Jonesy from Perth

Western Australia America Jones from Perth Western Australia Here report for Judy some reason I got weird English accent Oh, here we go Yeah, fuck I just I'm good to go give me a gun, let's kill some kills. Is it drunk? Well, your drunk. Okay. Brigadier.

Hehehe. Check out the Brigadier of the, tell you what. He's always just tell you what, it's Brigadier of the, he thinks he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows , he knows, he knows, he knows where I'm from. He's in, wow wow. He's in there, he knows. He knows, he knows. He knows, he knows, he knows. He Wow. I didn't think so. PEODICATION.

Oh. Take off your shitty belt. Yeah. Take it off. Give me a gun. Let's kill some counts. Where are they? Pull them in the deck.

Give me a gun. Load up. Pull them in the deck. I'm going to kill some counts. Here we go. I mean, I'll figure out myself. Here we go. Where'd everyone go?

Oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, oh, I'm just, okay, I'll figure out myself. Here we go. Yeah, I can wherever I go. I'm new plan having a little nap. I'll talk to that. Not all operation nap. Operation nap time. Which is happening. What a character. So well, that's the character. He's father was English. He was a magistrate in WA. It's where the accent came from. He was the, his father was the inaugural president of the Western Australian cricket association. Oh, he won mainly mention because I love that his name was John Charles Horsey James. Horsey. Horsey is his middle name. Horsey is a girl. Horsey. Yes. Horsey. Horsey? Horsey. Horsey. Horsey. That's not a name. Why do you pronounce Jose? John. Jose. Jose. Jose. Jose. Who? Horsey was educated at the rugby school, the place where rugby was invented in 1845. Oh, do you remember who else went there?

Yeah, it was that Tom Will's. Damn it. Give me a chance. That's right. That's right. Father of Australian rules for ball. And Horsey was there just 10 years after it'd been invented. So he played it. He probably heard all about Tommy Will's. Yeah, he definitely probably would have. So, M.E. Clifton Jonesy, Jonesy served in the First World War. He served at the Battle of the Somme and lost a finger.

Oh, and after which one? You don't know. I'm actually not sure which finger he lost. Which one would you want all these? It's gotta be the pinky, yeah. Gotta be the pinky. Yeah. Or for symmetry, maybe the middle.

No, I'd go right pinky. Lose that bad boy. Right pinky. Yeah, cause you're left hand. I'll go left pinky. I'd go right pinky lose that bad boy right pinky. Yeah, cuz you're left-handed. I'll go left pinky I'd take off All of them it's all on nothing for me all on nothing take them off. Wow. That is so sexy Yeah, where would I like to be shot in all 10 fingers? So after the war?

Jonzy Nine fingers he took up acting Sure, as you do you don't need your finger to act, do you? I don't know, it depends. He reads the script. James enters the scene waving his finger, pointing at everyone in the room and he's like, oh, I'm not going to get this. What if James put me in for this? What if the character has to count to ten on his hands? James starts counting from one to ten.

One. Like in brackets, like everyone is able to. Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, you're casting pricks! Like everyone is saying. Look, I'm going to give you ten reasons while I'm not taking this job. Number one. Oh, shit. Alright, nine reasons. starting at two. What?

But so he's taking on acting. Apparently you do need your finger to act because I've seen his acting described by the Australian newspaper as quote, James was not a great actor. He could neither sing nor dance. Something about him was incomplete. It was not a good actor. I know. I love that. He was not a good runner. He could neither sit nor stand. I mean, he ran really well. I mean, I've only ever seen him not sit and not stand. My example is not great. It's just lying down. I feel like my jug was pretty good and you missed it. That's all right. You'll hear it when you listen back. Yeah.

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Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu But one thing that John T. was known for was one the second World War broke out. He volunteered to entertain the troops, winding up in a lester in the army core variety troop. I'm imagining him in a can can dress. Just by himself. He's really good at can.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he could neither sing nor dance chest. Oh yeah, you did say that. But one thing he could do here, he had a thin face, a gray mustache, and it could do a remarkable impersonation of the top-ready soldier, Bernard Monty Montgomery. Oh, boy.

So about seven weeks before D day of that, I was talking about before, when I was talking about D day, 1944. D day. D day, D day. D day.ore-Day. D-Core-Day. D-Day of Day. My favorite day. A Lieutenant Colonel noticed Jones' resemblance to Monty

while he was reviewing photographs in a newspaper. Weird. So there'd been photos of the variety troop in him doing his impression. Sure. What had happened was, J- Maybe a little less perusing the newspaper, a little more winning the war.

Dickhead. Did he say so? He noticed his resemblance when he saw a photo of him impersonating him. Like he hasn't done a little work there, I think. Well, so I found the story goes that Clifton Jones had at rescue to failed patriotic show by appearing quite briefly as Monty doing an impromptu impression at the end. So the show was going badly and they're like, we're about the big guns. We're about the big guns. We're about the guy that kind of looks like that other guy. Hi, I'm Monty. Yeah! The last three hours were suddenly awesome. So he'd seen photos and as a result he was approached by actor and army colonel David Niven. Is both.

In May 1944, you were head of David Niven? Name kind of is a bell, actually. David Niven, after the war, would go on to win an Oscar for his role in the 1958 film Separate Tables. But he was already a famous actor. It's a worse. Separate Tables. Separate Tables.

It's actually so bad. It's still separate. What's it about? What do you reckon, Separate Tables? Well, I reckon it was about the where the kids ate at Christmas dinner. I think the kids table. The kids table, you know? Follow that, trust the one. That's it. Or an unhappy relationship when they go to a restaurant. Separate tables. The story of broken marriage. This is the whole. Led to separate beds. Broken marriage

This is led to separate beds It's dead even worse separate graves Cuz they killed each other somehow. Okay, this is the opening line of the plot of our separate tables Separate plot major David Angus major David Angus Pollock Who's played by David niven fails to steal an article about himself and the West Hamptshire weekly news. What that's the opening line? We're the one that's the plot. He's attempt to keep the articles from the eyes of other guests at the hotel only succeeds in high-tening. They're awareness of it. Okay.

Something we're in a hotel. We're in a hotel now. Look, I want to watch this movie. Let's do it. Well, also when the film is read a hay worth and Bert Lancaster. So there you go. But David Niven, he was voted as the second most popular British actor in 1945. He would start opposite Peter Sellers in the pink panther. Wow. No, he's the guy with the pink panther. That just goes name. And what's he got to do with anything again? Yeah. David Niven is called up Jonesy saying, hey, I hear you look like Monty.

And he's a side note about David Niven. Oh, David Niven, I know that guy. The Malawi character in the Simpson's Springfield cat burglar episode is based on him. Yeah, cool. Hey Dave, a sidebar. Where the fuck is this Simpson's episode episode? And you were gonna do that. Can you just let Dave be Dave? I just want to talk about the Second World War

about a few more weeks. No, it's Nazi, Nazi, Nazi with you. Just a little bit of Simpsons, please. Let him get through this topic first. Let's just let him finish, right? I mean, that's what he says everywhere. I'm having a good time. Dave, please do go on. Anyway, so this nobody actor who can't see in Kant dance,

Nine Fingers gets a call from David Niven, who was working for the British Army's film unit. So that's what that famous actor's doing in the Army. He was asked to come to London on the pretext of making a film, so he's like, David Niven, once me in his movie, this is awesome. Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my baby. And even once me in his movie, this is awesome! Who sings that? Never make it, but just look at us going on. Who sings that?

Chennai Twain. Sounded like Chennai Twain featuring Eddie Veta from Pill Jam. Who's manting back up over there. Oh, never mind again. Fearless, Balkan. That's animal like Crate Guy. When you do that. Chennai Twain featuring Eddie Veta, featuring Crate Guy. When you do that. Should I at twain featuring Eddie Vetta?

Featuring Creed Guy featuring David Niven. We're thro'em right over here. And a bit of that about him. But when, um, Jones, he gets the call from David Niven. He thinks he's being in the film, but then Niven explains that it's about something different.

Apparently he's, Jones, he supposedly burst into tears because he thought he had been exposed as a bigamist who was receiving a double marriage allowance. I don't know if that's true. I read that on one more time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, why is David Nibb's the one exposing me to double? It's like the worst biggest prank. You're gonna be in a movie, you're gonna be in a movie. Yes, yes, it's about something different.

I'm just gonna assume it's about the big of me. Oh, no, I'm a busted David Nibb. And all my Nibb, Devon is like, no, no, no, I just want you to dress up like Monty. You mean it? You mean it? It's not about the big of me? Oh my God. You don't know about the wives? the bigger me? Oh my god.

You don't know about the wives? You mean here, David? I just thought it would be so upsetting if you were the one who said, You can't marry two people. I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't. I couldn't handle it. Come here, David.

Give me a hug. Give me a hug. Like you mean this. But before we go on, you really can't marry to Apple. Yeah, by the way, I'm gonna have to tell the boss. Oh no, David Niven, he knows my secret. Not the great actor who's gonna be in pink pants through a couple of decades.

No, no. The best bit of all of this is your facial expression. Yeah, your face is so good. So his head for a friend. I've got real tears in my eyes. I'm feeling for Joanne's face. You so sad for a friend. I've got real tears in my eyes. I'm feeling for Joanne's face. You're with them.

It's beautiful. A parent. Two wives, which may not have even happened. I didn't mean it's such a leathery face. Leather rubber. That's a mask. Quite different. Yeah.

One doesn't move very well. It's a rubber face. What's, I don't understand? A rubber face. Elastic. El rubber face. What's I don't understand a rubber face elastic face like a rubber face wouldn't that be like a stone You've got a face like an eraser day. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, it definitely wasn't a compliment if that's what you're trying to figure it out Now yes, I am a little teapot I don't know if you guys have put two and two together here. No.

But the idea is for Jonesy to impersonate Monty. I did not say that coming. I just want to be sure. You saw that coming. Because when he, when he, David Niven looked him up and the only thing he liked about him was he looked like that guy. That kind of put me off the center. You look like Monty. I want you to play my wife. My two wives. I don't know you. I don't

know you for a third time. Anyway, the idea is for Jonesy to impersonate Monty and be seen by spies in Gibraltar and make the Germans think that the Allies were going to invade the south of France rather than the north, or at least make them think they weren't going to invade it for a couple of days because the theory is the leaders here in Gibraltar can't be about to invade France. Anyway, we've got at least a couple of days to prepare. And so that may look like it would be a few days. Like they weren't in the hurry to do it.

Jonzy was walking around in a Hawaiian shirt. On a banana lounge. So I hear this is pleasure. He's a mother. This is not business. We are not talking about army stuff. Search out the banana and we're going to have a good time. Yeah.

Jonzy. Bringing two wives. Yeah, they're like the puns. Jonzy, you wife's here. Which one? Oh no. So, Gibraltar was seen as the ideal spot to put the planet to action in part

because it was the stomping ground of a particularly unscrupulous Spanish spy who was employed by the Germans, a man called Ignatius. Daniel, that's Dennis. Ignatio, Molina, Perez. Close. I was seeing a puss in boots. Daniel Well close Ignatio Molina Perez Close I was thinking of Puss and Boots

I was thinking about Puss and Boots I was thinking about Puss and Boots I'm going to I know he isn't that one in the end Bloody hell Fabulous Phelan always Top of mind Puss and Boots

What a combo You got your Puss and Boots You got your Puss and boots What a combat you got your son love cat Fucking little cat damn with your little boots Get those boots and you got your bloody sword out to them one You could cut run my heart Bloody little cat Geez, I don't know what... What are we gonna do about this, you guys?

I don't think I'm gonna be on a focus on the show. Hey, it's Pussin Boots and Mad now. I'm gonna be on a shake it out. Can we reconvene tomorrow? If you guys could just duck out for a good 24 hours, I'm just gonna stay with the thought. Oh, no. You and your pussin boots What are you reading into that Perkins? We don't oh where we

So we got pussin boots, let's call in that for now, but Ignacio Molina Pettis. He was... Is that racist? What? Colleen, Puss & Boots. He's a Nazi spy! It gives a fuck! It gives a fuck! So Puss & Boots is the head of information on the staff of a Spanish military governor who is liaising between the Spanish government and the British authorities in Gibraltar, just in background on Gibraltar. Gibraltar is a British overseas territory attached to the bottom of the

South of Spain, do you guys know that? Yeah. And not surprisingly, it is claimed by Spain as it is attached to Spain. Mainly. But I will say Gibraltar, during the war is a very strategic area to have control of, so the British were pretty keen to have it. So in theory Spanish officials were supposed to be neutral, they're supposed to be talking between Spain and Britain, Interbolta, so it's supposed to be everyone's, so it's supposed to be

friendly, it's better. Pussenbootse. So Pussenbootse pretended to be pro-British but was actually then you quote bad from head to foot. I love the British. She has a French accent. Spanish. Spanish. Hola! I love this. I'm pushing boost. She can't do accents. She was so French again. No, I'll go get a third time like here.

Here we go. Hola! I love the English. That's it. Got it. The first thing was you. What is it? It's Mexican Damn it

That's racist Yep What is that? Oh racism is so confusing Summing it all up, the British knew that Pusinboots was a spy But they had never caught in red hand as they had no proof No proof, right? But he was the ideal target for the hoax, because if he spotted Monty and Monty Gummary, he would radio secretly to the German soldiers, and they'd be like,

ah cool Monty's in Gibraltar, so they want this dude to see Monty. Because he's a Gossip, because he's a real Gossip, that's right. Cool, all right. Sounds like a bloody woman. No, Jess. No, that is where comedy has gone too far. Foreign comedy. We should be looking at the bigger picture. It's fine to laugh at the Spaniards. It's fine to laugh at the Mexicanos.

But once you laugh at the lady, you've drawn too long of a bow. Draw down on that bow, fair lady, and place it back in your peticoat straps for We are America and God bless our Queen. He's so badly wanted to bail. So in summary racism, huh? Sexism. Oh, now I understand. You get it.

Now that you've simplified it to sounds, now I get it. Yeah. You get it now that you've simplified it to sounds now I get it yeah, huh? I reckon I reckon I'm about one in ten for those those weird Those rants rants I reckon I I know I make ten for ten Dave please do go on Jonesy wasn't the first man chosen for the job of impersonating Monty The first actor selected was my old job a a Depeji. He was, how do you say, busy. The first actor was Miles Manda, who played Monty in a film called Five Graves to Cairo. What's the plot of Five Graves to Cairo? Oh, that's where the, so basically they're just really big graves and they lay them head to toe and they just sort of

Walk through them until they get to Cairo because they're only five graves away Really just on the other side of the border sort of like how you'd normally say I've just got to go two blocks towards that straight Yeah, so a grave. I mean a normal grave is probably about like a human length plus you know give or take These ones you're about 20% bigger. So I mean you were you were still close Drive is probably about like a human length plus give or take these ones You're about 20% bigger. So I mean you were you were still close But the the time it was a little misleading because you were you were thinking Geez, we're bloody close to caro, but you actually it was probably more like six graves. Yeah sure by the time you get that extra 20% I'll see you round down you round down yet. Well, I mean, this is Hollywood as well,

because on the screen a grave actually looks a little bit smaller than it actually is. So you got to build the grave up. Yeah. But they actually, they didn't get the calculations exactly right. They went 20% bigger when probably only needed to be, you know, sort of 16 7 8% bigger, but I

Mean long story short. Yeah, it was a pretty short film. You know the walk took him about 15 seconds But it was a beautiful score by Gary Moore and he the old guy from Tim was even some reason and You know, I'm from it. I mean, I'm not sure it was like it. It was a successful box office wise, but critically Was a bit of a meh. Well, I was I was having for a two sentence answer to the question. Yeah, what was the question What was what was five graves to Karabat? It's actually directed by Hollywood legend Billy Wilder. Oh Billy Wilder Yeah, the guy who played Blade Willy Wonka. Yeah, he

Wilder. Yeah, that's your thing you've gene wilder. Yeah, what did I say Billy Wilder is different? Yeah, Willy Wonka Anyway, I don't know what we were talking about. Oh We were talking about the first guy that was supposed to play I don't know what we were talking about. Oh, we were talking about the first guy that was supposed to play Monty Marsmanda was too tall for the role, so a substitute was found who then fell victim to a road accident and broke his leg. So number three is the man who can't act dance or sing. My kind of man.

But I mean, does he need to playing an army girl? He needs to look like him. He needs to look like him. But there's a problem. Jonesy was a heavy drinker and smoker and of course missing a finger. Monty didn't drink or smoke and had all 10 fingers, which he boasted about on many occasions.

So Jonesy had to temporarily give up drinking and smoking and a prosthetic finger was made and attached to his hand. Wow. To the fake Monty Monte Trimties mustache, dyed his sideburns and was issued with, this is my favorite bit, Kaki Hangercheefs with a BLM monogram.

So it's like the idea of the Pussenbergs seeing this guy that looks and talks like Monte, thinking, oh, this could be him and then seeing he Just puts a hanker teeth on a table and goes, well, that's definitely him. That is I'm calling Germany right now You can't just get those made. No, it must be him. Yeah, it must be The British spread false information that Monty was coming to North Africa via Drabolta to discuss plans for the invasion of southern France Remember they actually go into the North they want everyone to think they're going to the South. Jonesy flew to Gibolta on Winston Churchill's private plane. All right, we've got stuff left.

Let him go. On board, he sneaked, sips from a hidden flask to soothe his nervousness. So remember, he's not supposed to drink at all. Apparently, his handler spent the rest of the flight trying to sober him up because you got quite drunk on playing. Oh, on May 26th, the bogus Monty landed with a governor, inter-rulture, Ralph Rusty Eastwood, Rusty's his nickname, was waiting. A classified report since release has described the scene. Quote, the governor himself was waiting for the visitor and played his difficult part with expert

skills so it was difficult apparently Matt and this is how difficult it is hello Monty glad to see you he said as the distinctive blackberry emerged hello Rusty how are you came the answer from Jonesy so it's responding to the name Monty which is a good start. Remember now your name is Homer Thompson. He's talking to you. That's how I imagine this all scenario going. But also what does voice sound different to? Yes but I think at the...

So if you're talking to people who already know you. Yeah but this spy hasn't probably never met the real Monty before and of course it's not like these days Has anybody met the real Monty, you know? Yeah, has he let him in? Yeah, he doesn't let anyone in He seems a bit like a little friend of mine Dave Warnicki Definitely did anybody in?

Well I am wearing a black beret Yeah, it looks great though Thank you, two badges Just like my hero Shwatt sticker It looks great though. Thank you two badges. Just like my hero. What sticker? Did he just got a swatch sticker? Like swatch the brand with it. Yeah, I mean that's how you get away with it I guess, but still it's weird. Swatch sticker.

Pussin Boots had been invited to government house for a meeting with the colonial secretary and was left in a room with a view where he could not fail to spot the Black Bear A. Very good. And so he's like, oh, did you come and have a meeting with me? What's that out there? Look at that beautiful sunset. Keep trying to point out there. I love people watching. I love people. What do you have a look at? What are you have a look at? Who's who? Tell me who do you think that looks like? I mean, ears.

I like hats. Do you like that? Look at some hats that are happening. Are you going to bury, maybe like that one there? They look good on you, wouldn't they? Is somebody maybe famous for wearing a similar kind of, or that exact, burray? With the two badges. Maybe.

No one else wears that, so it's definitely him could it I don't know who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who who I have your sneeze coming on. Monty. Monty, it's definitely Monty. SutherFrance. Tell everyone. Cold Germany, cold Germany now. Well, I cannot see anyone. What accent is that? It's not in Camille. But imagine you came in, he's like, I'm blind. Damn it.

I'm very short-sighted. I'm so sorry. I don't know. That's French. short-sighted. I'm so sorry. That's French. You're going French. Spanish is hard. Don't not see. Don't not see. Don't not see.

I am don't not see. I am don't not see. I am don't not see. Oh, what? But apparently, Pussinboots or Melina was a better spy than he was an actor Because Quarit, his interest in what was happening on the scene was too great to hide Oh, they had a good point Poing! Let me sit down for a second Nothing

Sometimes this happens, it's very natural It's very natural Wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, about who that was and apparently the secretary with well-fained embarrassment was forced to confess that the Monty was on his way to Algeria in Northern Africa Alongway away from Normandy and France, so he was like oh, that's no one. That's no Sitting underneath the desk The table's rising up Sometimes the table does that sometimes The table's rising up on half foot. Sometimes the table does that sometimes

Some of those tables just give me five minutes of one. I don't this table is Sometimes they're as if I'm a little bit Very sorry about these So one of those tables we have them in Gibraltar. Yeah, this is This is why we cover my pants, the rock of Gibraltar. My pants. My pants. My pants is rock of Gibraltar. Something like that, I don't know. It's a local reference.

I thought you would enjoy. I'm sorry. This is one of the only things I know about this. And who is that in that beret? I must have him. I must. I must. This is very confusing. What's happening? What has happened is Pussinboots. Can't have this experiment. He apparently jumps into his car and races away and apparently was observed making an urgent long distance phone call

very, very quickly. He jumps onto a pay phone. A British intelligence report said that the information on the fake Monte reached Berlin in 20 minutes, which for 1944 is an amazing feat. You've got amazing fees. Thank you. Give me five minutes or one. Leave your fate here. Malina or Pussenberg. Embellished his own role, apparently telling one of his confidence, a spy working for the British, that he had shaken hands with the British general.

I met him. Yes. I met him. I met him. We became a very good friends. We had a cognac. Apparently, he said, quote, the governor introduced me to him. He seems more sympathical. Very nice. More sympathical. More sympathical. The double agent reported that Malena seemed to be very satisfied with himself. I bet he was. But was hiding something in his pants. That's not from the quote. No, I think it is. So a wartime decoding center or intercepted the message

and apparently said, General Mont-Govary arrived to Braulta, discussions held with Governor and French General. I need new pants. Send pants. Send pants. Send pants. No reasons. unrelated. Rain force crutch. Please. Pleiites. We're in force crutch and plates. Jonesy then flew to LG's in Algeria. And over the next few days he made a round of public appearances with the Allied Commander in the Mediterranean. He was then secretly flown to Cairo where he stayed until the invasion in Normandy was well underway, the actual D-Day.

He found the job rather stressful and was given a large supply of whiskey. Oh, I can't remember. He then returned to his job after an absence of five weeks, but for the time he was playing the general, Jonesy received a full general's pay. So he got paid a lot more. Oh, hello. He's got paid the top... Gee, that's all right.

That's cool, that's a good deal. Just in case someone in accounts was checking out by the way, he's getting paid like a general. He must be a general, no. I mean, it's going out to a different name, but it's very confusing here. be a two different wives, but no No questions asked It's well bought to

Malina Pussin boots his career as an artist by came to an abrupt end Armed with hard evidence the British declared him persona non grata Pussana And excluded him from Gibraltar so he wasn't welcome into bro to anymore. No Jonesy wrote a book called I was Monty's double in the 1950s and then starred as himself in the film adaptation Brilliant Brilliant

But that is not the end of my report Jonesy Was not the only man to play Bernard Montgomery during the Second World War. That's right, there's a third Monty. Tres Monty's? This one, our third Monty, before we wrap up, is Keith Dima, nicknamed Tex Banwell, from here on known as Tex Banwell, because that's a wicked name. Is he from Texas?

No, but we'll get to his nickname. He was born in England in 1917, making him 30 years younger than the real Monty. He too had spent time in Australia. From 1920 to 1936, his father served in the Australian Imperial Force. So all three of these Monty's have spent a lot of time in Alcundra. Pretty cool. It's pretty cool. That's rad. He joined the Army himself at age 19 and served an India palestine and then Egypt always outstandingly fit. Texts proved more than a match for them as their temporary physical training instructor. So he used to

instruct all the other Army people how to get fit. And apparently he was much fitter than everyone else. Well, I'll be there. After the outbreak of war he volunteered for special service and joined the Middle East commandos. He was captured in 1942 during a raid on Tobruk, but he and a friend stole the German vehicle and escaped back to British lines. That's pretty cool. He was then taken prisoner again. He was taken prisoner again near Herkland during a raid on German held Crete, the Greek island,

and he was personally guarded by Max Schmeling, the world heavyweight boxing champion who was serving in the general army. What? So they thought this text guy was such a risk because he's already escaped before. They was put in the General Army. What? So they thought this text guy was such a risk because he's already escaped before. They was put under the supervision of the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion. What?

Even so, text managed to escape again with friends this time by boat. The craft ran out of fuel and drifted ashore into North Africa after nine days. Exposure and sunstroke putting him in hospital for three months was at this point that his likeness to Montgomery was noticed and he was summoned but to Cairo by the army intelligence. So that explains it. He's 30 years younger but after nine days of starving and being sunburned in the ocean he looks like the general. He's kind of got a bit leathery. Yeah, they're like, you look like... You've aged approximately 30 years. He met Monty was given his clothing, including his signature beret.

Text was then sent on trips around the Middle East to confuse enemy spies that be like, it was here and there. He wasn't allowed to leave the car though, because he was much taller than the real Monty. People would be like, why is this Monty suddenly giants? Are he just waived at people from a car? I'm Monty. is this Monty suddenly giants? Are he just waived at people from a car? I'm Monty! Hello, me! Monty! Monty, but being a badass, he found this super boring

and soon quit to get back in the army and joined the infantry. There he was introduced to parachuting and joined a parachute regiment. He soon joined the 10th Battalion of the parachute regiment and in September 1944 towards the end of the war, took part in the barcle at Arnhem which is a famous parachute fuck up six of the

six of the 15 men in his team were killed by anti-aircraft fire before they could even jump out so they just being shined out while they're preparing to jump out the plane. Once on the ground, Banwell used a hunting horn to summon his men. Fuck this guy's badass. He's cool. And at the end, and at the end of the battle, he was wounded and captured a third time. Number three, and on the way to a prison camp in Germany, he managed to leap off a train. What? That he and two other guys escaped by removing a window and cutting through barbed wire

with nothing more than a pair of nail clippers. I have no idea what made it move about this guy, or have they? They haven't! They haven't! This guy is so fucking tough! He's so cool! Uh, then he offered his services to the Dutch Resistance as a weapons instructor under the code name, Tex, which he liked so much that he wanted to be called that for the rest

of his life. Fair enough. Because it's a fucking bad ass name. The story is, he met up with a Dutch resistance. They saw this big British guy and they handed him this big British machine gun. And to the other two and they said, we've found a bunch of these British guns but we don't know how to set them up. And Tex steps in and goes,

I know what to do. And within like one minute, he's got like machine guns set up all over the place. Sure. He's cool. He's real cool. He's so cool. I love him. People call me tech sometimes because of techs perkins. Ah, that's a good one. It's a good nickname. Text is good. His real name is Greg. That's a good one. It's a good nickname. Texas good. His real name is Greg. Isn't it really? Is that Texas bookens real?

Greg Perkins. Yeah, you would take a nickname, then wouldn't you? You would take a stage name. Greg Perkins. Greg Perkins. Yeah. But yeah, Texas is great. Yucky.

No, I'm into Greg. Greg is a super solid name. You gonna bring Greg back? Yeah. I'm gonna bring him back. He's gone, Matt. He's gone. Let him go go Greg and Gary. They're my two favorite Gucci names. Good news He had the opportunity to return to the allies on several occasions, but he decided to stay and aid the resistance Captured yet again after a raid text was held by the Germans and found to have breached Geneva

Convention by joining the resistance and not wearing a uniform. That's part of the Geneva Convention, if you're an army, you're supposed to wear uniforms, so you know who's on his team. He was court-martialed and sentenced to death. Oh no, that's not a very text way to go. When he refused to portray his Dutch comrades to the Gestapo, he was paraded in front of a firing squad. They said, tell us that we're going to shoot you, we're going to shoot you, and then it turned out they had blanks in their gun. So they were bluffing.

Ooh. The next day he was brought out again, only to be told, all right, yesterday was a set up. This is the real one. You got to name those people that we're going to shoot you. Blanks again. Oh my god Boy who cried wolf over here and I preserving his silence

Text was then sent to Auschwitz the very famous concentration camp Confined in a tiny cage. There was only six foot by six foot So barely big enough for a big man to lie down He was stabbed to half his normal weight. Oh. So like you're a weight. Yeah, but like a big guy but weighing my weight. Oh, no. He hung on though until the Red Army,

the Russians liberated the camp, and then he insisted on rejoining the 11th Battalion parachute regiment as soon as he was fit. And he went back. I love him. He was then seriously injured and knocked unconscious in a training jump. Oh. Pranounced dead, he was sent to a mortuary where an attendant noticed a flickering

eyelid and saved him by artificial respiration. Get the fuck out of this guy. I'm fucking cool. This guy is so cool. This... I can't kill him. I don't think he can be killed. To all the end, to all the...

He's still alive. To all the end of World War II, Mr. Benwell, Tex was asked to fill out an army questionnaire. One question asked how military training could be improved. Remember he's been involved in training a lot? He simply wrote- More near-death experience. He wrote-

More street and woodland fighting. Fuck he's cool. That's all he wrote. And then he got a paper cut on the form and died. He is the coolest. Mr. Bannon attacks his highest rank with Sergeant was awarded a British Empire Medal in 1969 for being a super badass.

And in 1992, the Netherlands gave him a silver cross through service to the Dutch resistance. After the war, he worked for the British Postal Service. Oh my god. As opposed to, but he continued to tempt death in 1984. He made his 1000th jump at Arnhem on the 40th anniversary of the parachute fuck up I was talking about. Wow. He went on to jump again age 77 at the 50th anniversary in 1994. He- He- He wanted more fighting in the war. He wanted more fighting in the war. No, it's crazy.

But he retired to become a post office. A post office. A post office. And he just died of natural causes in 1999. He is the coolest. He's alive. He's alive. So he was the third Monty.

I want a character. I like him the most. See your favorite Monty? Yeah, do you like him? Alright, rank the Monty's. Yeah, what a character. I like him the most. See your favorite Monty? Yeah, do you? Alright, rank the Monty's. Oh, man. What? The middle one was... The real one.

The real one. And then... Nine finger. Nine finger. No, man, just kind of. Tell us something fun about him. Yeah, he was the worst one. Worse of a good lot though.

Yeah, that's awesome. So that's the story of the three Monty's. Dave, that was. Lovely story. Bloody fascinating the story of the three Monties. Dave, that was bloody fascinating. Tell the three Monties. Love it. That was great. I hope that a Joey Boyd who suggested the World War II pranks and decoys, specifically the ones

that the British pulled on the Nazis, I hope you enjoyed a bit of that. Yeah, thanks, Joe. Thank you so much for your suggestion in there, Joe. We, man, the hat is exploding at the moment. It's screaming. It is... Can I only keep it on mad?

It is. Ah. I think you're gonna have to get a Texas textile hat. Yeah. Ten gallon hat. Ten gallon. I'm not sure. Ten gallons of suggestion.

Twenty talons. Twenty talons. It's just a bird. Twenty felons talents inside a hat 20 Jimmy Falons 20 Jimmy Wow, it's a big hat Yeah, he's not we're not saying you're a big guy Jimmy He's quite tall. He's quite tall. Is he I think so. Yeah. Oh my god. So

The hat's crazy, but we we do appreciate all your suggestions Are they all do go in there? And the way you get those suggestions in there is emailing dogoonpod.gmail.com. That's email. Tweeting us at dogoonpod. Face the Twitter. Facebooking at us? That's the Facebook.

That's the Facebook. It's Facebook whatever slash do-goonpod. Do-goonpod. Do-goonpod. Do-goonpod. Facebook whatever slash Dugan pod Dugan pod Dugan pod And we're sorry that this one was a little messy But I had a great time I had a good time

I regret nothing We're not sorry Oh man, I just wish I was a bit more badass When I regret about badass but then, I love my safe life. I really do. Yeah, well, I mean, tech slipped to his 90s. Pretty great. What have you done, nothing?

You haven't lived to your 90s, Dave. Yeah, but techs didn't have a podcast, so, you know. Oh, this is the courses. When you put it like that. Anyway, yeah. Podcasting, now you're living. But guys, thanks so much for listening, and you're getting contact. We always love to hear from you, and until next week, I will say goodbye.

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