Do Go On - 453 - The Whiskey Robber, Attila Ambrus

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Attila Ambrus led an extraordinary life in Budapest during the 1990s. Part time ice hockey player, full time gentlemen bank robber... he quickly became a folk hero and the most wanted man in the nation. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 09:32 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Watch Do Go On The Quiz Show: https://youtu.be/GgzcPMx1EdM?si=ir7iubozIzlzvWfK Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://przekroj.org/en/art-stories/banking-on-a-hockey-player/https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/attila-ambrus-the-legend-of-the-whisky-robber-9210484.htmlhttps://kaput-mag.com/stories_en/like-a-sausage-theyve-cut-open-a-visit-to-the-whiskey-robber/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attila_Ambrus https://www.salon.com/2005/12/23/robber/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Don't miss Kinds of Kindness in select theaters Friday. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Hello. Dave. Together at last. Can I ask you a question? Hi.

Hi. It's so nice to see you. So if anyone asks, can I ask you a question? I'll say, hi. Hi. You try to alternate between saying Matt's ask you a question? Hi. Hi. You try to alternate between saying Matt's name first and my name first. Yes, every time I think. Is that true?

Yeah. I wouldn't notice either way. Because we're such divas. Do you think I should just go with Jess? Because she's the one who notices. Oh yeah. Okay, yeah, if she cares then definitely. Fantastic, great.

Okay, well don't worry about it because my question was going to be like, do you keep track of this somewhere or are you just going with your gut? It's a gut, but like it's an informed gut. You know what I mean? We've got an advanced gut system. Oh yeah, we know. You've had your probiotics. Yeah, exactly.

I've had them all. Yeah. But I think in either first or last name, Jess is ahead of me alphabetically, right? So just say it's alphabetically if you want to make me feel better about it. Yeah. I usually it's whoever's dressed best want to make me feel better about it. Yeah. Usually it's whoever's dressed best this week. It's always me.

I'm afraid Matt has picked you this week by matching a yellow hat with a little bit of yellow on the jumper. I appreciate that, sir. Yeah. That really makes that yellow pop. He's accessorizing. It looks beautiful. Both of you look beautiful.

Not your value. You could do the thing that always makes me feel uncomfortable when boomer men do it and go ladies first. Okay. So that would still be me. So I say, welcome to the show, Matt Butts in, ladies first. My name is Steve Warnock, sorry, then you go ladies first. I'm here with Jess Wilkins, I'm not sure. Yeah. Lady was ladies, alphabetically is before men. So I think that makes sense. Hey, just before we get into the show, I don't know if we've talked about it that much,

but we're doing clips now of the show. They're up on TikTok. Video clips. Video clips. That's a good point. That's probably the key part of that actually. Yeah, it's visual. Not just a small version of this audio. They're on Instagram, Facebook, pretty much all the places we're on. And you can find us at DoGo on Pod everywhere apart from TikTok. We've also added Cast, because of the kids. I don't think they'd get it if we didn't spell it out. They said to us, what's a pod? We did focus groups with kids.

They said, I don't get it. We said, like a podcast? And they went, oh, OK. So we do a podcast on TikTok. Either that or when we signed up, we forgot and we just. No, DoGo on Pod wasn't available. Wasn't available. Yeah, had to be. I was really annoyed that Dave Warnock was taken on TikTok and I was like,

oh, then I remember that a year earlier I'd sign up and taken it. So it was me. Got it. Cause you're like, how many Dave Warnockies could there be? I'm on Dave Warnock, I'm Dave Warnock and everything else. Yeah. The, the, the clips on Instagram tend to do okay. No, no, nothing's gone crazy, but they go okay.

But the ones on TikTok haven't been getting many views, but one of them got a few a month or so ago. And I thought I'd, and it was the only one that really got going because people were commenting. And I think that tickles the algorithm in ways it likes. I just want to read out a few of them. As opposed to like, I don't like being tickled on my feet, for example. No, exactly. Too ticklish, I'll kick ya. Yeah. The algorithm likes it on the nipples. Yes. So comment to tickle the algorithm's nipples if I'm using you. Yeah. The algorithm likes it on the nipples. Yes. So comment to tickle the algorithm's nipples if I'm using internet speak properly. That's right. We also asked the kids during the focus group, they said that's what we should say.

They said that's what they should say. So I think- And they said it's not weird. If anyone listening does want to go look at these videos, comment on them. That helps us, I believe. And if you tickle the nipples, then that'll really help us. That's either more nor the algorithms. Here's some of the comments.

So the video had Jess asking, what's the American word for garbage or rubbish? For rubbish. I guess garbage. Dave said trash. And then it kicked off a lot of comments. I'd say the majority of comments were pretty positive. There was some negative. Well, it was probably 50-50. I reckon then there was a lot in the middle that were, we say both garbage and trash.

Garbage is wet, trash is dry. I love that. I love that distinction. Yeah. So that was really helpful. Here's a few others. Here's a few comments that were kind of directed at us, which I got enjoyed. I think

this one's about me, although Dave also has a beard. Beardy Man. Gorka Monka wrote, Beardy Man sounds like a robot trying to hide they're not human. And Glasses Guy is from that movie Fargo. Did you? I didn't know that. Is Abishim's in that one? OK, I didn't realize it was Abishim. I just thought your vibe was like snowy. Oh, maybe Fargo cast. Oh, no. Sorry, I've got to go movie.

No, he was in the TV show, I think he wasn't. No, Abishim wasn't in the movie. Either that or being compared to William H. Macy. Oh, yeah. OK. Or Andy McDowell. No, Andy McDonough. Francis McDormand. Oh, yeah. OK. Or Andy McDowell? No, Andy McDonough or whatever? Francis McDormand. Oh, my God, yes.

We should also say that we were doing American accents. Oh, yes. Or attempting to. That's true. So it's not just your normal voice sounds like a weird sex robot or whatever, so. Yeah, yeah, not. Oh.

No, I didn't even. Yeah, I didn't put them together. Your American is a weird sex robot. Yeah. Well, I could read the next one in American if you like. So people get an idea. Kirk writes, Jesus.

Hey Kirk. Never seen people laugh so hard at something that's not even remotely funny. Okay. Which I thought was fun. Glycerine enthusiast writes, the government needs to, the government needs to restrict access to podcast equipment.

I missed that one. I didn't say that one. What government? The world government. I'm sorry, the US government, the world government. Yeah, true. In their mind. Number one!

A lot of them also talk to us about being British. Yes, I've got a category of- So is it the British government that should be restricting podcasting equipment? Chaz Donut commented on me writing, the redhead looks aggressively American. Okay. Aggressively. Aggressively so. But this is probably my favourite of the ad hominem or whatever you say attacks.

Hallway Beatbox Battle says, they're all misshapen. Which, I mean, I get it. It's not wrong. No, do you think they're all cut? In different ways. Each one of us is misshapen. Is there a possibility they're holding their phone up in the wrong way? The aspect ratio is blown out a little bit.

Dave, I think you're being a bit defensive there, mate. Let's be real. We are misshapen. Uh, Ferret says, so instead of trash, diaper and pacifier. Pacifier? Pacifier. So instead of trash, diaper and pacifier, they say rubbish, nappy and dummy and they think we're the weird ones.

We do, I don't, I should say, I don't, we don't think America's weird. We love America. Yeah, big fans. We've been trying to come to your country for a tour. For about four years. For quite a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You won't let us in.

It's very difficult. And it sounds like that might be a popular choice for some. Actually, the US Embassy liked that video on Instagram. Oh, interesting. So I think we have a pretty good chance. We're one step closer. We are getting there. And I don't know how they saw it

because I didn't use any hashtags on Instagram, but you know what hashtag I did use that has attracted all of these Americans? Hashtag America. Wow. Isn't it- Good blessing. That's kind of scary that the embassy, as soon as you do anything vaguely American, they're like, they liked it.

That's the show. Yeah. We're watching. How'd they find us? Troll85 says, if it weren't for Kangaroos and Steve Irwin, Americans wouldn't even remember you exist. That hurts, guys. Well, that's just because of your poor education system. That's not a brag, man.

No, we're just a smaller- And Steve Irwin's dead! That guy probably couldn't even name four countries. And he's bragging about that? Look, well done, man. Australia is a small country. Like, our whole population would fit in one of their big cities. So it makes it, like, I understand that.

But also, the video wasn't us going... We weren't even making phone records. We were just having a bit of fun. Finally, my favorite exchange. Aunt Jen Jen wrote, Not sure where the humor is. Not sure where the humor is. And got a reply. You'll find it one day, keep trying.

And Aunt Jen Jen said, not in this video. And then the person replied, are you okay? And Aunt Jen Jen said, perfectly fine. Just not sure where the humor is. Oh my God, three comments. Thank you so much Aunt Jen Jen for, perfectly fine. Just not sure where the humor is. Oh my God, three comments. Thank you so much Aunt Jen Jen for that engagement. And I'm sure all the people whose comments we read out there have found our podcast, subscribed to it,

and they're listening to this right now. So thank you very much. The system works. A pleasure to have you on board. Great to have you here. No, but yeah, and if you don't know yet, check out those clips. You can see our misshapen heads.

Hey, no, no, no. We're not misshapen, well, one of us is misshapen in the head, but the other two are misshapen heads. Hey, no, no, no. We're not misshapen in the- well, one of us is misshapen in the head, but the other two are misshapen in different ways. Okay. I'm bigger than you'd think. In a weird way. In a weird way. Long nips.

Easy to tickle. But shall I explain how this podcast works? Yeah, so people have found us from the wonderful world of TikTok there. Jess, what are they about to hear? We welcome you. Well, how this works is one of the three of us research as a topic usually suggested to us by our wonderful listeners. They research it, they write a little report on it, they tell us all about it and the other

two sit quietly. We never interrupt, we never go on dogshit riffs and we never do bad accents. And we always get onto the topic with a question. Dave, do you have a question for us? Yes, I have a question for you, and that is, what is the alcoholic drink of choice for a, quote unquote, gentleman robber? Ooh, brandy. That's actually pretty good.

Actually, it's probably less, if I can borrow a word there, hoity-toity than brandy. Whiskey. It is whiskey, Jess! Today we are talking- Wait, hang on. Which kind of whiskey? With it, with or without the E? I am going with the E.

Okay, that's what I said. Jess said without it. Whiskey with the E. So I get the point there. Subtle difference in pronunciation, Jess. He's obviously got you there. Un-fucking-believable. It is Whiskey.

Today we are talking about Attila Ambrose, the whiskey robber, completing our trip ditch of heists, swindles, and robberies from the last couple of weeks. Love it. We love heists. We love a swindle. And this was not planned, was it?

Or was it planned by you? Absolutely not, because I've, Patreon supporters voted for this many, many weeks ago now. And they voted for mine as well last week. So I didn't even know what you guys were going to talk about. The Patreons are just hot for a heist right now. They are. They love it.

And you can get involved and vote for topics, get hundreds of bonus episodes, all sorts of rewards. We'll talk about the end and the like at patreon.com slash do go on pod. This topic in particular has been suggested by Alex Bain from Dublin, Julie Bay from Iowa, USA, and Cynthia Henderson, also in the USA, in Nevada. Thank you so much for your suggestions. Sorry? Nevada. When will I learn?

Thank you. And Dublin. I sound that correct. Dublin. Presently never heard of the whiskey robber. No. But this one really caught my eye and the hat had a great little pitch. Okay. So that's when people, anyone can suggest a topic we should say and you give us a little pitch. Why should we talk about it?

And we go through the many thousands of suggestions and sometimes things pop out at you. Yeah. And obviously Patreon thought that sounds cool too. So let's start. Born in Transylvania in Romania in 1967, Attila Ambrose had a rough childhood. His mother abandoned him when he was young. His grandmother, who was close with, died soon after and he was left with his violent alcoholic father. Eventually he ended up being looked after by his uncle and aunt, who tried to send him to school without much success.

The young Ambrose was frequently in trouble for stealing, including when he and his friends decided to start a band, a lovely wholesome activity. Yeah, I don't see how that could get any young boys in trouble. Stealing instruments? Yes, instead of buying instruments, they just stole them from another local band. Stealing songs? Stealing lyrics? They stole them all.

And he was arrested and he was sent to a juvenile correctional facility. For stealing instruments? Yeah. Come on. But also for stealing lyrics and songs. Oh, no, that, you should be, you should be punished for that. That's a crime. Sampling without getting the clearance from Sony Records?

Absolutely. Straight to jail. Straight to jail. Absolutely. Wojtek Antonow writing for the Polish magazine Peszkroy, which I had to look up how to pronounce this, pronounce this, pronounce this, oh my God. It's going to be rough.

I'm questioning myself already. Peszkroy, he writes, under the rule of Romanian president Nicolae Ceaușescu, ethnic minorities had almost no rights, so the situation in the lands populated by the Ceaușescu, which are a group living in Romania, it was hopeless and everybody dreamt of escaping to Hungary. In trouble with the police and having no prospect to speak of, a young Ambrose decided to cross the border illegally and seek his fortune in Budapest.

So Ambrose went to a train station near the border of Hungary, hid under one of the cars of a freight train, which was very risky as he could have fallen onto the tracks at any point during the two-hour journey, but he made it to Budapest, the capital of Hungary. He had no money, nothing but the clothes on his back, which were now filthy from riding underneath the train. Yeah, that's not the best place to be. But you say he could have, like he could have, if he flew there, the plane could have crashed at any point.

Could have, would have, should have, didn't. Okay, that's number one. Number two, Budapest. Okay. If you're going to pronounce right, pronounce right. Okay. Budapest. I went there and maybe my tour guide had a speech impediment, but... But it's locked in for me. Budapest. Well, I haven't been there, so I'm going to have to go from you remembering a man who possibly had a speech impediment. So you made it to the Hungarian capital of Budapest.

I think you're hitting it too hard, but we'll get there. You hit it at an interesting time. Wait, you might talk. Lots of lovely buildings. Wait, you, you, you my tour guide. Lots of lovely buildings. Look at them all. My tour guide was gold member from Awesome Powers. I'm actually, that's what I was really channeling that interesting. It was a time of transition.

Oh, stop that there. Just after it had left the Soviet Union, this is the late 80s into the early 90s, for 44 years before this, Hungary had been a satellite state of the Soviet Union, where over the decades the people had been suppressed. There was an attempted revolution in the 1950s. There were big violent crackdowns, thousands were killed, and even more fled the country. But Hungary's transition from communism to capitalism was peaceful and prompted by economic stagnation and domestic

political pressures, but it wasn't smooth sailing because from the early 1990s, things were rapidly privatized and there was severe economic suppression. And there was a severe economic suppression. Wojtek, writing in for the Polish magazine Preszkój sums it up as, sudden unrestrained privatization allowed a select few to get rich, while the rest had to fend for themselves. And sellon.com adds, like the rest of the former Soviet bloc, Hungary was struggling with byproducts of democracy it hadn't seen, unemployment, homelessness, and a spiralling crime rate. And a side effect from decades of repression was a distrust in authority that we all see

in today's story. So that's sort of the background of where he's living. Back to our guy now in Budapest. OK, well, is that a different place or where has he moved? Somewhere I haven't heard of, certainly. It's a neighborhood just outside Budapest and it's very confusing. Very confusing. There's three parts of Budapest, you know that?

Of what? Of where? Budapest. Uh-huh. And what are the three? Uh, I think it's Buda, O Buda and Pest. Is that right? Wow.

You're telling us the fact and then asking us if it's right. I don't know. Did Don tell you this in an Irish pub in downtown Budapest? Budapest, yes. That's where I stayed at the very problematic Aboriginal hostel. Oh, that's right. Oh, you have said that before. Wow. What a strange theme choice. Very strange. But the guy hadn't been, but loved Australia. Okay.

No further questions. Back to our guy. Now in Budapest, Attila Ambrose made a living through a variety of old jobs, including as a grave digger, a baker, a pelt smuggler, and an electrician. Which I love that you just sort of do that as an odd job. Yeah, yeah. I reckon I could work this out. I can put in some powerpoints for you.

Yeah, handyman jobs are often like, you know, it's like untrained carpentry. Yeah. But untrained electrician, I mean, untrained carpentry is a little dicey, depending on how structural it is, but unt trained electrician I think I'm gonna I'm gonna have a go at this actually I hadn't thought about it but I might put my hat in the ring I'm gonna take out an ad in the local paper never put your hat in the ring that's rule one yeah put the put your fork in the ring exactly yeah test if the electricity's running yeah that Yeah. That one can do shit. Running. Good to go. Now I speak like this.

Son of a... But he decided to return to his childhood love. Ice hockey. OK. Is that a twist? That feels like a bit of a twist. If I either I drifted off or that there was... See, so he's been doing odd jobs because he's got no money, he's got no, you know, real employment.

How old is he when he's fled to Budapest? In his early 20s. Okay. Has he given up music as an idea? Yes, sadly. He's going back to ice hockey. Okay. Sure.

So he had been very talented as a child and seemed to have a future ahead of him, which sadly had been derailed when he was arrested for stealing the musical instruments. And he, you know, went to juvie. derailed when he was arrested for stealing the musical instruments. And you know, went to juvie. And despite not having played in almost a decade, Attila decided to call up Upecht Te, one of Hungary's top ice hockey clubs and 13 time Hungarian league winners. So like top division, one of the country's best teams. That's like calling the Boston Celtics. Exactly. Being like any open spots.

I'm calling the Opals, seeing if they need a forward. Preferably on the left side. I'm pretty shit on the right. And they're like, oh, we've only got a wing attack. And you're like, oh, don't waste my time. How dare you. So he rang them up and he introduced himself on the phone. And players from Transylvania apparently have a fearsome reputation on the ice.

The sort of enforcer types. Cool. And he was invited down to try out as a goalie. Sure. They're like, great. A lot of other people from your area of the world have turned out to be really good players. Maybe you could, too. Fascinating.

Come on down. OK. He stepped out onto the ice and was immediately a little bit wobbly. She's so great. You're like, yeah, I'm good enough for your top league. And then you can barely stand. Well, it's been a while. I haven't got my ice legs back yet. Have you seen the, there's this clip that went around a while ago of bloopers. They were trying to film an ad.

I think it's for a car, but there's like three people walking across the ice, but two of them are in like mascot outfits. Like one of them's dressed as like a polar bear and he's walking on ice and he keeps falling over. And so you just see this bear just keep stacking it. And then you can even see like the little gestures of like, oh, damn it, from the present inside. It's so cute. Getting frustrated inside a costume.

Just keep falling. Good stuff. That's what I'm imagining. Yeah, yeah, he's out immediately. This goalie. Oh my God. Budapest was formed the same year the St. Kilda football club was.

1873, merging three neighboring cities, Pest, Buda and Obuda. And that's no coincidence. So it's the same year as the saints. No73, merging three neighbouring cities, Pest, Buda and Obuda. And that's no coincidence. So it's the same year, it's the same. No coincidence. One of them killed us twin cities, is it? They were inspired. Wait, is the Hungarian flag red, white and black?

I think they've got green. Oh. Like the grass. Oh, like the grass at Moorabbin. Red, white and green. Yeah. All right. So, white and green. Yeah. All right. So he stepped out onto the ice.

Wobbled a bit. Not a great start. And it went from bad to worse as professional players from the team started pelting pucks at him and he was completely lost. Soon it was target practice and he was just copping them all over. And they were just hitting him at him. Copping pucks. Was he goalie?

He was the goalie. Okay, well that's his job. Yeah, but he was letting them in and also being like, hitting the face. I mean, being hit in the face, that's good. Letting him in, that's bad. Yeah. Use your face! So, he's obviously not up to scratch.

Despite this, they saw something in the young man and offered him a job as janitor of the club. Okay And it came with a free room which despite being the size of a cupboard was greatly received and he became an integral part of Club life. How do you mop an ice rink? Oh one of those uh, use frozen water. They use those Zambosie What are they? Frozen water? No, they use those Zambosies. What are these sorts of- Oh.

Yeah, Zem. They're called something, aren't they? Jacuzzi's. You might have nailed that, because all I want to say is Zambrero. Zamboni! Zamboni. Sorry, everyone. Don't have a huge ice hockey culture here, sorry.

But, yeah, so he was- Bit hot. Yes. We're hot here. We do have teams. We do have teams. We've got a stadium in Docklands there. Yeah, I've seen a game there.

The Ice House, right? That's cool that you went down there. Yeah, yeah. What's the team called? Did you see the Zamboni? No, because a game was actively being played. So that literally became his job. That's cool. He was on the Zamboni.

I'm sure it's like we got the name is like the Melbourne Ice or something. Nice. Oh no, Melbourne. Yeah, Melbourne Ice. That's so funny. It'd be like having a basketball team called the Melbourne Basket. The difference is it's actually named after the drug and not. Yeah, it's unrelated.

We have a problem. Yeah. Shouldn't be so... Well, I mean, we have a problem with death, but the quality of our ice is very good. You're very proud. Very proud of it. Of how pure it is. It is killing a lot of young people.

We also recruit from the juvies. From juvenile detention centres. So, like I said, he became a really integral part of the club. He got on really well with the players and the coach and eventually started being asked to practice with the team, something he never missed. He was always on time, always like one of the hardest work, you know, the least qualified player, but the hardest working player out on the ice. Coaches award material.

Exactly. And people just loved hanging out with him. But the others don't have to work as hard because they are capable of playing the game. Yeah. Just to stay up. They have a base level capability probably from playing a lot. Yeah. That's dedicating their lives to it.

So, you know, I understand what you say that like he's turning up and stuff, but he's working hard, but the others don't have to work that hard because they can stay up on this. Yes. They turned up to practice every week for 10 years whilst he was out stealing musical instruments. Exactly right. He's got a bit of catch up. Exactly, you've got a bit of catch up. But he's working hard and I appreciate that, but you know, not to the detriment of the others who are professional athletes.

Yes. And with a bit of hard work, he was given the mostly honorific title of the club's third goalie. He didn't get paid to play, but he was technically on their roster. Nice. That's awesome. I love that. Kind of like when I got drafted, I said drafted into the year eight cricket team and I was 13th man, which was a made up position. Yes.

But I got to go and miss out on maths. Because for people who don't know cricket, the 12th man's the one who brings the drinks out. Who do you think supplies the 12th man? I'm going, all right, so Chris, you're going to go out there with this, here's a power red. He's like, I can do this. I can reach into an ice cooler. So you were, that feels like you're bossing around the 12th man. There's a chain of command, mate.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I got told off. You just shut up and slice those oranges. You shut up and stay on the bus. In the heat. stay on the bus. In the heat. Stay on the bus. So even the payers who were getting paid to play, the salaries at the time weren't enough to get by on and they all had side careers.

One of them owned a video shop, another worked at a used car dealership. But for Attila, his side gig was as the janitor, but it didn't pay very well. So his other side gig was smuggling pelt furs across the border. Oh, hard to get them up your butt. Really hairy. Get them to use one of those vacuum bags. Oh, they suck down really well. They suck down to nearly nothing.

You could get about five or six up there. It's like air in there. Honestly, it's beautiful. It's more comfortable than if nothing's in there. I dread when they take them out. So that was the side gig, but there was a crackdown on that. So we started looking around for another income source. I believe that people on the border were sort of part of the operation and they got arrested

and replaced with people who actually enforced the law. Oh, OK. It became much, much harder to do. So that's when he remembered reading about his childhood hero, Ronnie Biggs, the great train robber who I believe Jess has done a full report on and I'm sure remembers every single detail. Ask me anything. It's all in there locked and loaded.

I remember I hid out at a country farmhouse or something at one point. Does that sound right? And then you went to South America and got plastic surgery. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep. Yep. Do you actually remember any of it? No.

That's so amazing. What, did not know that that was my report. Yeah, I would guess Dave's as well. There's something wrong with my brain, I think. I mean- It's becoming a bit concerning. It'd be funny if I'm making the ultimate mistake and I've forgotten that I'm pretty sure it was yours. I can't get over the, one of the other players.

He's living the dream life. By day, video store owner. Oh, how good's that? By night, ice hockey player. Like as a kid, that would have been so close to the dream. Literally, when you write down, what do you want to be when you grow up? Well, I want to be either a basketball player or I want to own a video shop. Yeah.

And it's like, well, this guy's doing- He can do it all. He's an athlete and video shop. I did do the Great Train Robbery in, well, the file was in March of 2018. Wow. What number is it? Does it say that? It doesn't say that. Fantastic. Do a bit of 2018. Wow. What number is it? Does it say that? It doesn't say that.

Fantastic. Do a bit of your own research. So that's six years ago. Is that right? Are we in the year 2024 or 2023? 2024, Matt. Time doesn't mean anything to me. Keep up, Matt.

Because when you're immortal. Yes, sure. That makes sense. Time doesn't really mean a lot to me. And the font size is only 12. You know, so that also tells you how young I was. Oh, sure. That makes sense. Time doesn't really mean a lot to me. And the font size is only 12. So that also tells you how young I was. Oh yeah. Now we're looking at at least 14 and 120 zoom.

Know what I mean? I like it. Yeah, the 120 zoom. That's clever because you get those wasted margins. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, you fuck off. I don't need that. You're coming for me quick at 18. I'm needing to, I'm needing to wear glasses to watch TV at my home now.

Oh my God. It's not good. Not at your home. At my home. You're coming for me quick at 18 is something that I don't want anyone to take out of context either, please. I didn't know you when I was 18

and I would not have been coming for you mate. Not quick. Yeah It would have been long and arduous No, thank you. You could buy me a vodka raspberry and then fuck off Fuck off old man. Until I finish this and you can buy me another I am not covered for you quick It'll take weeks You're're going to have to wear me down. It really was the olden days. Will you marry me?

No, ask 20 more times. Oh, it's fun. Is it? It's hard to tell sometimes. Well, I think in this case, if you're having fun, we're having fun. Is it? It's hard to tell sometimes. Well, I think in this case, if you're having fun, we're having fun. Is that not always the case? Yeah, that is. Go by your vibe. Yeah. I carry this show on vibes alone. You carry it, but you also kill it, depending on your mood. There are times I'm like, this one's going to be a toughie.

Jess is not in. Oh no, we've lost her. Yeah, sorry about that. I'm in here. We're talking about the great train robbery. I've looked it up. I had time. 142 there.

Episode 142. Episode 142. Yes. Okay, with that I don't feel bad about not remembering that. No, over 300 episodes ago everyone. So, but anyway, our main character this week, Attila, he read about running bigs as a kid, sort of fascinated by it, read his book religiously and now decided that he needs money to put what he'd picked up from the book into practice.

Sure. Because he didn't know that when he first tried crime, he hadn't done the study. Exactly. Right? So that's why he got busted. Now he's worked it. He's worked it. He can stand up on ice almost.

Yeah, almost. So he can. Almost on his own two feet. He could probably, you know, do an ice robbery. I reckon. When he was a kid, he had three jobs he wanted to do. He wanted to own a video shop, ice hockey player, great train robber. Yeah. And now. And the teacher said he'd never do it.

And he's about to fail at all three. His target, the local. So obviously, Ronnie Biggs did big trains, millions of dollars. Attila, his first target, the local post office. Ah, a lot of people sending money in birthday cards. Stamps, people collect them. Yeah. Exactly. You get it early. Hold on to a 50, 60 years.

Yeah. Sometimes they have like a USB charger. Yeah. For, you know, an iPod that hasn't been around for 20 years. A lot of, as seen on TV boxes around the place, like a sharp knife. Care Bears plush toys. Very relevant. A few different types of keyring. I wonder how universal this is. Like even is this Australia wide? Well, because it's Australia Post everywhere, right? So we would have weird...

It's a weird little shop. It's a weird little shop. And it's evolved that way, right? It wasn't always like that. I feel like they used to have a lot more customers than they do. Now they've found themselves with lots of room. They're like, let's just fill it up with like $3 books. They're slowly morphing into a $2 shop. It's a little weird.

There's some weird shit in there. I love it. They're slowly morphing into a two dollar shop. Yeah. So weird. Yeah. There's some weird shit in there. I love it. And then a little pull down thing to get your passport photo taken. That place has everything. They do it all. And nothing. It's beautiful.

On the way out they're like, shine your shoes. Or, what else do you need? Do you want to? Do you want to lift home? Do you want to lift home? I've got a liter of milk I'm probably not going to get to. Do you want that? Make me an offer.

Do you want that? Milk as seen on TV. I'm sure milk's been on TV. I'm probably not going to get to. Do you want that? Milk as seen on TV. I'm sure milk's been on TV. I'm sure it has. But it had so he's chose the local post office in Budapest because it had no security and it felt like a really easy mark. They do cash transactions. They've got a till. No one really expects the post office. They've got a till.

It's it's meant for him. Yeah. His name's all over this job. I don't know if I caught this. What era are we in? When you said USBs, I'm like, I've been picturing this in the olden days, but it can't be that old. No, this is early to mid 90s. Okay.

So USBs for old iPods. Yeah. Okay, sorry, a Discman. There we go. I've updated the rest. No, I was picturing it in black and white. Yeah, yeah. But of course, Ronnie Biggs was only in the 60s, so yeah.

It makes sense that it's... I'm guessing, now that I have all the context, probably early 90s. Wow, he's good. He is listening. He is good. Yeah, like before he was like, is he a goalie?

Yeah. Yeah, that was two sentences ago, yeah. We let that one go, Matt. Well, I was just surprised because you were saying it was bad that he was being hit by the pucks. I'm like, that's the job. It was more that they all lined up and I think they were like, this guy sucks. It's a bit of fun just to smash, just to peg these pucks at him basically. And it sort of became, you know, professional athletes bullying a guy who said, oh, I'm

pretty good. And they're like, I reckon I could play for you. No, this does sound like it has bits in common with the Mighty Ducks. Yeah. Is he Goldberg? But, you know, Goldberg gets great. He does get great. And that's the thing. They just got to give him a chance. That's right. Well, I told you, he's working hard.

Yeah. He's the hardest worker. He's the hardest worker. So now he's got three jobs. This guy's huge. Busy. So his local post office. I'm going to rob it. He put on a disguise consisting of an old suit, a large wig, and oversized shoes in case the police tried to match his footprints. Always thinking ahead.

And also means you can't run away if they're way too big. You know, I'd go way too small. Oh, that's great. I go baby shoes. And as you're running. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,, I'd go way too small. Oh, that's great. I'd go baby shoes. And as you're running... I'd do that anyway. But yeah, that's good, because then they would also say, has a distinctive mating call or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you replace your feet with, like, I don't know, footprints of like a duck or something? Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, we were robbed by some giant duck and then the person behind the teal was like, no, it was definitely a man. No, no, no.

These duck prints really beg to differ. I just think, you know, I put on like a men's size 10 shoe or something. I'm falling over. That's too dangerous. Well, that's, I think he's wearing basically clown shoes. Yeah. Wouldn't your foot slip out of him as well? He must be wearing multiple pairs of socks.

Yeah. Thick, explore socks. Tied them real tight. Three explorers. Yeah. It's hot actually. It's too warm. If they're so big, you could put on your shoes inside the other shoes.

Oh yeah. Shoes for your shoes. I'm a size eight, quite small, but if I put, I could probably get that into a size 14 or something. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, the nightmare for some people, so many layers on your feet, like the barista from around the corner here.

Yes. Were you there when she said, she said, I was wearing thongs and she said, oh, so good. You must feel great having the toes out. I have to wear shoes here. I call them foot prisons. Yeah. And yes, in hospitality, you do have to wear clothes shoes. I'm a big fan of that.

Yeah. But she says something great like that every third visit. She'll say something that I'm reaching for the notepad. So can you say that again slowly? I have to write that down. So he's wearing the wig, he's wearing the suit, he's wearing the clown shoes, he's ready to go, but he got nervous before the job, so he nipped into the bar next door to the post office to have a whiskey.

Okay. Okay, is this where he gets his name? Which is so funny for me to imagine a man wearing this ridiculous outfit, just sort of sitting in the corner, sort of G-ing himself up for a robbery as he sort of drinks his whiskey, which I believe he took with ice. Okay. On the rocks. On the rocks. That's probably his trademark, but it would be smarter to have a drink you hate.

Because they're going to be like, oh, yeah, we know something about him who loves whiskey on ice. That's part of his thing. Yeah, if you come out and you say- At the local bar, you know what I mean? Always have a white rush and you go, well, I'm actually lactose intolerant. Sorry, that can't be me. Well, we do actually know that the robber keeps shitting himself. The duck, the duck man has squirted.

So that does actually track. Sorry. And that was not his mouth. Somebody step on a duck. Yeah, there's a squelchy robber. His pants are also too big, which left room. For some accidents. So adult, adult bath.

He's wearing an abbey, yeah. So he had a couple of whiskies. Sure. And he might've almost stayed too long at the bar because after some whiskies, more than a couple actually, he headed next door to the post office only to find that they were shutting up shop for the day. He'd stayed and you know, but to be fair, post office, they close at like four o'clock or something in Melbourne anyway, in Australia. Yeah, but check that.

Yeah. Check that, that's one of the things you gotta check. As you're walking past, opening hours, alright, have to be back before four, okay, no worries. Roger that. He sort of stumbles in and goes, crap. So he pushed the lady at the door, who's like sort of closing up for the day inside Pulled out a fake gun and said this is a robbery. She's like Finishing could you not have come in any time between 8 a.m. And 4? While I was on the clock. Sorry. I'm not paid for this.

So this isn't actually you know, I'm not here for this. Yeah to be honest. I'll lock up you do you yeah, okay? Yeah, I'm done. But also honestly end of the be honest, I'll lock up. You do you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm done. But also, honestly, at the end of the day, they've probably put the money in the safe and she can't get it out, you know. So what happened was...

We do so many heists and robbery reports and I would say for the most part, Dave will first tell us about how much they've studied. They've watched the shop. They got the perfect time to go in. There's a clank on the pipes at this time. how much they've studied. They've watched the shop. They got the perfect time to go in. There's a clank on the pipes at this time. So if we break the safe, they won't know that it's happening. But this guy's got drunk and gone, oh, shit.

Oh, quick. Yeah, you know, other times we're like, all right, they've got a crack team of 16 people. We've got the guy that can do the back flips over the laser wires. They've been practicing in a warehouse for four months, eight hours a day. But this guy's like, oh no, knocking in, let me in, I need to rob you. Let me in. I was, I was joking when I said he was going to fail at a third thing.

I was, but it sounds like he's hopeless at this as well. Well, so he pushed the lady in, she completely froze. So Attila. Oh my god, ice. The ice man meets the ice woman. Turns out he was so drunk. It was actually just a cardboard cut out. So she froze, she was just scared.

It's a cardboard cut out of like Mark Taylor, the cricketer with a Fujitsu. Yeah. Sort of advertising an air conditioning product. Mark! Mark, open the show! Come on Tubby, please! Yeah, please, I need this.

So he had to help himself to the cash, which luckily the cache drawers were still open as they were sort of packing up for the day. Oh, great timing. So he then he sort of stuffed into a bag. He then ran away, pounding the pavement in his clown shoes that almost caused him to trip. He sped up as he heard shouts of, Robber, Bynum, the lady that was frozen quick, like once he left went, Oh my God, oh my God, what's happened?

So she, she, she, thief, Robba, Robba, Robba. But thanks to his ice hockey training, which he'd been doing, remember he never missed a session, he was now extremely fit and was able to easily escape despite the clown shoes. This is great. He did it. He did it.

I mean, it's so funny the people I choose to support on the show, but I'm on his side, I only just met this woman. I didn't know her from a bar or so. You didn't hear that. This guy, I've known him since he was born. I didn't even know everything about this guy. He strapped himself to a train, he's had ice hockey pelted at him. You know his name?

Yeah, tell her. Great. Tell her the honey. That could be, that'd be fun. What do you think? That's good stuff. That's a fun drag name. Yeah. Oh, that's actually a great drag name. Attila the Honey. Attila the Honey.

Yes, please. Wow. Bit of fun. So he counted his haul. It was 548,000 forints. Oh. Which is a Hungarian currency, which is about five and a half thousand US dollars give or take.

That's not bad. Which to him was an absolute fortune. Yeah. He couldn't believe he was working for minimum wages at Janitor in like an economy that was already very tough for most people. So he was like, this is more money than I've ever seen in my entire life. You buy the own Zamboni. Yes.

You're a freelance. Yeah. So you're going from rink to rink and then you realize this Hungary's on the go. Yes. You're a freelance. Yeah. So, you're going from rink to rink and then you realize this hungry is on the go. The Budapest only has one. Oh, crap. Damn it. You were saying that, obviously, it's a really tough time for a lot of people, but for some,

it's great. Yeah, that's right. Like, some people are very wealthy. Just a small- As stuff- Because I'd like to be one of them. Exactly. I think that the key is, like, as the banks and post office and stuff had privatized,

some people went in there and were like, well, I'll buy the bank. Yeah. And then they make, they become billionaires. Yeah. Sort of like what people say in Russia are oligarchs, sort of take over one part of the, what was previously, you know, government run and then they take it over and then they become a billionaire. I think that has sort of, that kind of thing has happened here, where some people have become incredibly rich while a lot of people are incredibly poor.

That sounds like a good system. Yeah, I can't fault that. You want to, you know, you want to, don't you want to divide out the wealth? That's what they say, divide it out. Amongst? A lot to some. Yeah, a small group. And a small.

It still adds up to a hundred. Yeah, that's the main thing. That's it. You got a problem when it doesn't add up to a hundred, that's when you got a problem. Hey, we can still account for all the money. I just have all the money now. Yeah, I've got it. I'm accounting for it right now in my yacht.

Nothing's gone missing. So he was like, it's so easy. He thought I'd found a new career. You know, I've made more money one day than I would in a couple of years doing my other jobless. You know, it was an hour's work. I got drunk. Easy. Great. Two months later, he did his second robbery, this time doubling his take from the first job. And he had improved his technique, saying, in the beginning, I was far too polite. But later on, I realized you have to show self-confidence to be a proper bank robber. You can be polite and confident.

Yes. Look at Dave Warnocky. Yeah. Thank you. Far too confident, but very polite. But very polite. And a great bank robber. Too polite. Yes. Yeah. Please place the money in the bag. Now, you know, that's the confidence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Please do it soon. Please.

Please. Please. OK, please. Please. Honestly, I can hear the sirens. I think that might be coming from me. You're losing. Okay, please. Please. Honestly, I can hear the sirens. I think they might be coming for me. You're losing the confidence, Sam. Confident, polite, panicking. CPP.

From there, there was no looking back. It was all too easy. He robbed banks, post offices and travel agents, all of which at the time had almost no security whatsoever. Under the old communist system, the country had only recently walked away from, armed robbery was simply unheard of. It's just not a common crime whatsoever. They didn't have security guards, alarm systems and CCTV was incredibly rare. Just the perfect time to get into the game. Yeah, for sure. They're just not ready for it.

Because the next guy is going to have a lot more trouble. Yeah, yeah. Because they'll be ready. Today's bank robbers, you know, they have to be so clever about it. Yeah, it's tough. High definition cameras everywhere. I'm like, OK, well, then I'll just I'll hack people's bank accounts. That's traceable. Oh, great. You know, it's tough then I'll just, I'll hack people's bank accounts. That's traceable. Oh, great.

You know, it's tough out there for robbers these days. But I've got a VPN. Well, they've somehow figured out a way around that. Yeah. What? I don't know. Is that possible? You've transferred it directly into your bank account and that was a bit of a mistake.

I think Dave just realised that his VPN isn't going to save him. What? Oh no. I have to make some calls and burn some laptops. I've been hacking. I've been hacking all night. You've been hacking away. So he's going on a robbing spree. Yes.

But also, I mean, I know we're joking about how hard it is for robbers these days, but humans really do ruin everything, don't we? Like, like you had a bank, you could go into the bank, get some money out and off you go. Because there wasn't security, because there was no need for security. And now it's like everything has a security guard. And it's. All right, Job, what about Job? All right, Job, what about Jess?

All right, Jess, what about this? Yeah. Creating jobs. Creating jobs for security guards. Okay. Okay, job. Okay, job, what about this? And let's be honest, the old system wasn't perfect either because I believe it was there

was no robberies because if there was anyone committing a crime whatsoever, they'd be worried that the government would make them disappear. Right. So there was also- There's that. But that also helps the job market or put the job seekers, because it's one less person you're competing with. True. Yes.

So either way, either one more job available or one less person looking for a job. Either way, you are better off. Yeah. People said, what happened to Daniel, our lead accountant, disappeared. Disappeared. But there's a vacancy. That's nice. System works. They all work. So he started, you know, robbing full time, but also working as an ice hockey guy.

Wow, sounds like part time. Yeah, part time, part time. But it sort of became his main job. Before that, this is on the side, but now it's like, no, this is my main. It's certainly his main income. Yeah. For sure. So I think at some stage you have to go, well, this is the one that's giving me

years worth of salary in one go. I probably do need to dedicate some time to it. You know what I mean? Obviously I'm very passionate about ice hockey. I'm one of the best in the country, but I am going to have to put in some time and effort into, into robbing. Yeah, that's his career now. And hockey is just, just, you know, it's a hobby.

A passion. And it's good to have hobbies. Of course. Yeah, yeah, and you know what? You don't have to make every hobby a job because then you end up with no hobbies. And lots of jobbies. Too many jobbies.

It's a weird energy today. I don't hate it. I'm just confused by it. I'm having a nice time with my friends. I really hope that if he eventually gets done, it's in a warehouse full of Zamboni. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend.

I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going to be a great friend. I'm sure he's going. I'm having a nice time with my friends. I really hope that if he eventually gets done, it's in a warehouse full of Zambonis. Like he's just gone. He spent every cent on Zambonis. Well, I hope I don't disappoint you.

I haven't read it. That's exciting for everybody. You got chat GPT to write this. I really did. We should do that one time. Yeah. That would be pretty funny. You got chat GPT to write this? I really did. We should do that one time. Yeah. That would be pretty funny. None of this happened.

Yeah. I think the biggest downside of it is that it makes stuff up. Apart from that, it sounds like a great thing. Yeah, great. Love it. I saw there was something recently where they were quoting an onion article as if it was fact, unless that I was also reading an onion article, but it was fact. Unless that I was also reading an onion article. But it was like there was some, you know, satire article about how scientists are saying

adding rocks in your diet is good for... And then one of those AI intelligence things was saying that that was fact. Good for your diet if you eat a couple of pebbles. Oh my god, you're telling me that was fake? I've got to make some more calls. Burn some laptops. Dave. Dave.

Dave, they've got, I don't think the burning of the laptops is going to help. You've still saved it all to the cloud, mate. Oh no, I'll have to burn down the clouds. Dave, those stones are still going to be in you. Oh god. Whether or not you burn the thing that told you to do it. So he's like, I'm going to do more of this. He carefully chose his targets. You'll be happy to know, God. Whether or not you burn the thing that told you to do it. So he's like, I'm going to do more of this. He carefully chose his targets.

You'd be happy to know, Jess. There is some rhyme and reason here. Okay. And he took a bit from the Ronnie Biggs book. He was inspired by his childhood hero. He measured the distance to the local police stations, planned at least two escape routes and observed the routines of the buildings and the people who worked there. Okay. So he was, from the first couple of smashing grabs, he started thinking about it.

He would don- Well, you have to if you're gonna make a career out of it. He would don a series of elaborate disguises incorporating wigs, facial hair and costumes. He also made sure that there was a bar nearby that he could have a whiskey at. Sure. Oh, it's his- it's his ritual. Yeah. Exactly.

It's part of it, I get that. I used to have a little gingerbread before I went on air, on radio. Coffee and gingerbread. If you didn't have one, did you start thinking, oh my gosh, it's not going to go well today? Yeah. Yep. Big time. And those are my worst shows.

People could tell. People texted in saying, Jess, you're off today. Had your GB? Yeah. What's going on? Your GB, see? Yeah. Have you had one today?

No. And it shows. I know. That's why you feel weird. Yeah. We need to get you a GBNC. This is a me problem. Yeah.

Yep. Sorry guys. You're great. The Independent, which has a great article I'll link to, writes, Ambrose soon became addicted to the adrenaline buzz of robbery. He said, it became like a game. When I started getting into the role, I got kind of an urge and I managed to give the authorities a ride so many times it became something of a sport.

After a while, my main point was to succeed. Oh yeah. Because it's tricky, isn't it? Because I'm sitting here like, I reckon I would want to, I'd do a few and then go, that's enough money. You know? Yeah, but he can't quit while he's ahead. I know, that reckon I would want to, I'd do a few and then go, that's enough money. You know? And then I. Yeah, but he can't quit while he's ahead.

I know, that's what always seems to be the case. Yes. And it is like, yeah, when you're winning big at the casino and stuff, you're like, well, I don't know, what have I got to lose? All of that, you could lose all of what you've just won. That's free money. Um, yeah, it's interesting when that does get sort of addictive for them. Amazing that you do mention the casino there.

Okay. Because he also was addicted to gambling. Fantastic, fantastic. And this was the way he would feed his addiction, was he needed more money to keep gambling. I guess the casinos would love what he's doing. Basically, they're just taking all the proceeds from these crimes. They're laundering it, aren't they? Yeah.

Yeah. For themselves. So I imagine if he ever gets done, they'll be like, you need a lawyer, mate? We'll give you the best lawyers in town. We can't lose this customer. Before every robbery, he would go to a nearby bar in disguise, like I said, and have a whiskey or three or four. Love to drink.

Okay. They should be celebratory whiskies, ideally. Yes. You know? Mmm. Go, here's a little- hey, someone to look forward to. Earn it. Earn it first.

Exactly. You can't go straight to the drink. Yep. You gotta party afterwards. I just get sleepy too, and I'm not doing my best robbing when I'm sleepy. Yeah. But, you know, everyone's different. Yeah, but no, it would really jee G him up and afterwards the bar would work out. The guy drinking at the bar in disguise was the guy who ended up robbing the place two

doors down. So, the press started dubbing him the Whiskey Robber. So they gave him the nickname. It also means he's telegraphing that that's what he's going to be doing as well, right? They see someone in a weird disguise drinking whiskey. They're like, I'm just going to call the cops. Yeah, I might just call the cops. I'll let Larry next door know that he might be getting robbed soon.

Yeah. Yeah, but maybe his disguises were so good. Oh. People started to think his feet really were that big. And large wigs. You have to remember, large wigs. Yeah, the bigger the better. Yeah.

It's sort of a double bluff. It gets to a point like terminal velocity and sort of wig size. Like, it gets so big, it's so ridiculous, you think, well, no one would wear a wig that ridiculous. That's got to be his real hair. It would be rude to say something. Yeah. I'll just leave him alone. Leave him alone. This sounds like either he was inspired by it or vice versa.

The sideshow Bob. Totally thought of that. Being framed by framing Krusty. Big shoes. Crazy wigs. Really big shoes. Really framed by framing Krusty. Big shoes. Mm hmm. Crazy wigs. Really big shoes. Really big shoes. Really big shoes. I thought of that as soon as I was writing this. And he was seen as a gentleman robber being known to bring flowers with him to give to

the female workers he stole from. Oh, the men don't get flowers? They're not getting shit. That's bullshit. Yeah. Men like flowers. I like flowers. What's your favorite flower?

I love yellow roses. Oh, that's a lot of high-brow flower. I don't know why, but it just reminds me of, I reckon like a nice neighbor or something in my childhood must've had them or something. Cause whenever I see him walking around in someone's front yard I'm like you pick him you take the whole bush yeah I dig the bush out and you say thank you so much I'm running out of places to put them I know your front yard is getting ridiculous it's hard to park

but beautiful beautiful your favorite flower Jess? I like I like many flowers I to park. But beautiful. Beautiful. Your favourite flower Jess? I like many flowers. I like tulips. Oh yeah. I love sunflowers. Tulips are lovely. Yeah tulips are fun.

Love sunflowers. Love chrysanthemums. They're beautiful. Happy Mother's Day. Yeah. Mums. They're fun. The tulips remind me of Easter as a kid as well.

Oh yeah. Do you remember the red tulip ads? I think they had like there was an Easter egg hunt on this ad. Right, the chocolate brand. And there was a little chocolate egg inside a Chulip. Oh, that's cute. Yep. Everything comes back to an ad for you.

I love it so much. An ad and nostalgia, yep. That's me. So? Dave never said anything. Oh, lilies for me. Oh, lilies. Great choice.

Great choice. So he had a gun, lilies. Great choice. Great choice. So he had a gun, but it was never violent. So that's another reason he was seen as a gentleman robber. The whiskey robber got addicted to his new lifestyle, completely funded by his robbery exploits. He loved to drink, like I said, gamble and travel, blowing the thousands that he stole

on those three things. He took his friends on exotic trips to Indonesia, Madagascar, the Canary Islands, who was traveling all over. I mean, fuck it. Yeah, it sounds awesome. You might as well enjoy it, I guess. Yeah. He told Kaput Magazine, I was a gambling addict and I blew a lot of money and I love exotic

places. I've been to almost 80 countries. Wow. And I thought it was illogical to build a house or something because things like that could be taken away from me. So I squandered it and lived. And I thought it was illogical to build a house or something, because things like that could be taken away from me. So I squandered it and lived. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Oh yeah. Okay. Now I'm rooting for this guy. Yeah. He has done multiple robberies. That is a crime. He's a good time, not a long time kind of guy. Yeah.

That's a good way to live. Is robbing a good way to live? No, but I think spending all your money is. And I would advise people to do it by joining patreon.com slash do go. The ultimate pleasure for you for now. And then I get their money. And then I spent the money.

On other people's Patreon. Yes. It's a good system. It's a great, beautiful system. Love the arts. Yep. I love, I'm a patron of the arts. I get it now.

Patreon. I might have a little time out for a bit. What is the E bit from though? No idea. Date for when? E for internet. Oh, internet. Internet.

Yeah. Ethernet. Yes, thank you. Ethernet cable. Patreon. Ethernet cable. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Great. System works. Ethernet cable. Patreon. Ethernet cable. Yeah. Great. System works. Ah, yep, yep, yep.

From Yorgos Lanthimos, the Academy Award nominated director of Poor Things and The Favourite, comes Kinds of Kindness, a darkly hilarious and unpredictable film that critics are calling mindbendingly brilliant. Featuring an all star cast led by Emma Stone, Jesse Plemons and Willem Dafoe. Kinds of Kindness is a wild ride that will leave audiences discussing the experience long after it's over. Don't miss Kinds of Kindness in select theaters Friday. When his hockey teammates asked where his new car came from, considering his

When his hockey teammates asked where his new car came from, considering his Miserly janitor's celery, he came up with various reasons. He said that he was a gigolo on the side. Okay. Or that rich female partners were supporting him. He was a sugar baby. Yeah, that's what he's saying. Or that he was still smuggling animal pelts as he had been previously. Okay.

So, yeah, okay. So one of his excuses was a crime. That is so funny. Like, no, no, no. Yeah. If you think there's any sauce, no, I'm just getting this. These are proceeds from crime. Yeah, that's all.

Anyway, let's get to practice. Okay. Come on, boys. True, true. He's riding Zamboni's down the streets now. Yeah. Yeah, it is funny to be like, I'm a gigolo. I sugar mama.

Um, crime. Anyway. Yeah, I'm a gigolo. I'm a sugar mama. I'm crime. Anyway. Yeah, I'm a hitman. I get paid a million dollars per job if you're looking for a hitman. Yeah. I never do anything illegal though. No. There's a trail of dead bodies behind me, but.

I'd never rob a bank if that's what you're asking. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. And, and, and make sure you remember that I've said I would never do that. And I never have done that. And I never will. Also, I'm going to need an alibi for the last three nights. Somehow he continued to play hockey the whole time.

And as time went by, the club began to rely more and more on their part-time third choice goalie. Remember when he joined, he was kind of honorary. Like me, as the 13th man, never going to get called up. But he was dedicated and never missed a training session, sometimes going straight from his robbery to the ice rink to train. Okay. After one such robbery committed before game night, like on game night, he wore his goalies

mask the whole time on the bench because police had published a composite image of their suspect and he was worried that he might get recognised. You know, with a few thousand people in the stadium watching, he's sort of got the mask on in case people go, hang on, you look a bit like that guy. What would the odds be? Yeah, that is always a crazy thought to me because I've seen police drawings and then forgotten them immediately. You know what I mean? I'm never going to be like, hey,

that guy in the front row of all these thousands of people, he looks just like a police composite drawing. I just saw the point where like it could be on the TV and you could be standing next to it like often in movies. So sort of like a TV shop or something. Yeah. You know, it's your brain ever going, all right, I'm alert now. Yeah, well, it's my responsibility to look for this person now.

Yeah, I think unless it was like they've got a Zed tattoo on their cheek or something, you know, like otherwise it's like nearly always at some white guy with brown hair. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Unless I've got a picture of like some CCTV and it's a very clear photo and it's somebody you know well. And then you go, that's Darren. Yeah. You know.

But otherwise, you know, your face is immediately gone. I can walk past like someone so distinct, like Christopher Walken on the street and I'd be like, I seem to recognize that guy from somewhere. Anyway, I wouldn't think about it. And then later I'd be like, was that Christopher Walken? Yeah. But then you doubt yourself because it was so long ago. You'd be like, nah, surely not.

And he'd say, hey, Davey, you didn't recognize me on the street? Honestly, hey, Davey was really good and then you kind of lost it a bit there. I... okay. I thought it got better. Really? From the top. A-David didn't recognize me. Personally, I never had it and it was meant to be bad.

Let's go again. What do you mean? No, I mean I'll try really hard. Meant to be bad? I'll try really hard. We don't do that here. I'm sorry. No, you're right.

I'm sorry. Would it help if I addressed you as Christopher? Okay, yeah. So I'm on the street and looking around I go. Line. Jess, what's my line? Hey, Dave. Yeah.

You didn't recognize me on the street. Okay. Oh, all right. Maybe, um, this doesn't make sense if I do recognize you. All right. I've sent you an email saying, was that you? And then you've called me. OK, so the email's coming in. Big!

Hello, Christopher. This is very strange. This is Dave Warnocky from Melbourne, Australia. But did I just see you in the food court at Melbourne Central? Regards, Dave Warnocky. Great. Hey, Davey boy. Loving it. Why didn't you say hello to me?

On the street! Dave! Come on! Something about a solid gold watch? I got a solid gold watch! Again, Dave! Come on! Shimona!

And we've lost it, he's got it. He's got it to MJ. But it was perfect until then. Beautiful. No notes. Where? Which bit was wrong? Shemona. Oh, that's not him?

No. Didn't he used to say that when he was a hip hop star in the 80s? No. No, no, no. Okay. But otherwise, perfect no notes. Beautiful to watch you transform. Always an honor to watch him work.

That was beautiful. We're very lucky you and I, Dave. Oh my God. To be in the presence of a master. Yeah. To watch him work like that on a regular basis is such a treat. So back to the hockey rink. So back to the hockey rink. Now I'm like, yeah, no, I think you're right. That is spot on. Rick?

Now I'm like, yeah, no, I think you're right. That is spot on. Yeah, I hear it now. I hear it now. I hear it myself now, yes. Yeah, that is exactly how he talks. So as time went by, he got called off the bench more and more, and not because his talent had greatly improved, but because the club was struggling. Oh.

They'd won a series of league championships throughout the 80s, but by the mid 90s, they were well past their prime. The club had money problems and couldn't afford an A grade goalie. And Attila became the starting goalie for a series of games. Had the club considered Bank Robbery? Had he considered just, or does he want to play? Because I- Oh yeah, he loves it. Yeah, right. So there's no real reason for him to kick money.

Oh, to lend the money because he would cost his child. Yeah. Oh, that would be a- that'd be tricky because he loves it so much. So obviously he wants to support the team, but he also wants to play. Yeah. And he's pretty bad. Here's a million dollars. It's for everyone but a goalie. That's right. I'm goalie. Get 10 Wayne Gretzkis around him. Yeah. Him being me. Can we clone Wayne Gretzky?

So he's a starting goalie for a few games. Great. Did he rise to the occasion? Absolutely not. Yes. All you got to do is be in the way of a puck. I could be in the way. Yeah. You often are. According to my favorite Polish magazine, pretty cool.

I've forgotten how to say it. Sorry. They write, fans of the Budapest team remember this period as the worst in the club's history. Wow. In one game, Ambrose managed to give up 29 goals. Another time he led in 88 over six matches. How high scoring is hockey? Well, I've seen-

29 feels like a lot. That's a lot. I've seen games that I think they're often like, you know, two to one, sort of soccer, slightly higher than soccer schools. That's what I'm thinking, yeah. So 29 is a lot. But that also then means that his teammates aren't doing a great job either. It's almost like he's the only player on the ice for his team. Did I not say that?

They could only afford one player and it was him. Because he's free. But I think opposition is always going to get shots. And if every shot is just going in, like a normal goalie would, like they're not going to, the whole team can't stop the others from having a shot 29 times in a game. They could play defensively better. Yeah.

Yeah, they could just line up like a wall. Yeah, just be a wall. You are, you're on the side of Attila the Honey and I like that. Yeah, I'm always on Attila the Honey's team. Exactly, Attila the Honey. Can't do wrong. No. He's not going well, or so well on the ice, but often he was rising to folk hero status.

The media and public followed the whiskey robbers exploits and many championed him as a modern day Robin Hood, with many making favorable comparisons to Hungary's most famous outlaw, Sander Rosa, whose robberies had been romanticized since the 1840s. It's like someone saying the modern day Ned Kelly or something here, being compared to all Robin Hood, despite the fact he's not giving, he's robbing from the rich. He's not giving it to the Boreas, just taking it to the casino, giving it back to the rich. Back to the rich. But also he's giving it to resorts around the rich. He's not giving it to the poor, he's just taking it to the casino, giving it back to the rich. Back to the rich.

But also he's giving it to resorts around the world. Yeah, and they need that. We don't know. The Madagascan hotels are very, very happy to take his money. Yeah. And a lot of the public saw the whiskey robber as the good guy, robbing the establishment, bucking authority and giving the middle finger to the man. They saw him as stealing from the very banks that preyed on the poor.

You know those people are saying they get richer, we get poorer, he's just taking a bit back. He was the little guy going up against law enforcement and he appealed to the Hungarian psyche towards the state. Most are all state officers and those in power. Sociologist Professor Georgi Sz Spelly told the Independent, when politicians are seen as licensed criminals and the police are widely viewed as corrupt and incompetent, everyone would cheer on a bank robber. So that's sort of the political and social climate

at the time. People are like, hell yeah. Right, how interesting. This would be the best time for you Jess, as someone who knows to be won and done in this game, to go put on some big shoes and a big wig. Yeah. Rob a bank. They'll just assume it was another one of his. Yeah. You won't have to, you wouldn't even be nervous. Oh, I'd love that.

And at the side of the robbery to make sure they know it's you, you just drop like a little, oh, sorry, I just dropped a small bottle of whiskey there. I was drinking that at the bar around the corner before. I am the whiskey robber. Easy. Bye. Bye. And then I've got, you know, a million bucks. Exactly.

I imagine I got a million dollars. Yeah, you're much more successful than him with your one. All you need to do is make sure you're living a busy social life as well, so that for all the other robberies that he's done, you've got alibis ready to go. Cause it won't cut it if you're like, oh, I was watching TV by myself. Yeah, which I am doing most nights.

So I, but I think this could really work for you. Yeah, okay, great. So we just now, I think we just need to wait for the next time Australia has a costume serial bank robber. Hopefully they're around five, seven. I think we're due for a five seven costume bank robber. Yeah. Okay. Awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, this will be great. We will need to edit this out, I think. Oh yeah. AJ, can you just chop that bit out? Yeah, chop all that out, because that will be incriminating in the near future. Yeah. And certainly don't keep it on file, looking to collect any rewards down the track, AJ. That's not like AJ.

That would be really, that would be really, that would be a breach of the editor's code. Yes. Yeah. You'd be jailed. And we hold you to that editor's code, AJ. Do we have extradition rights from New Zealand? I think we'll have to go to him and kill him. Okay. And hey, we've always wanted to go to New Zealand.

That would be so great. Beautiful little holiday at the same time. How lovely would that be? I'd love to. We could do a few live shows while we're there. Oh, gorgeous. We go, we do a hit, we do a hit show. It would be a shame because I was thinking our first New Zealand show would have him

on as a guest, but he'll obviously be dead. Oh, we could kill him after. Yeah, we'd be there a few nights. The Ottoman alibi. Oh, interesting. And at least that way we know where he is. Yeah. You know, because we invite him to come to the show and then we kill him.

Well, that looks sus actually, inviting someone to the location where he got killed. Wow. Oh, AJ, also edit all this out. Editor's code. So stories of his robberies became so popular that at one point Hungarian crime TV shows reportedly publicly asked the robber to commit his robberies on Mondays or Tuesdays so that journalists could be ready for their Thursday broadcasts. That's-

They've got 60 minutes or whatever is on Thursday. Oh man, if you do it on Monday, Tuesday, that really gives our producers a bit more, you know, edit and lead in time. So if you could do that, that'd really help us out. Well, it's always- it's always Thursday coming, guys. Do it next Thursday. Yeah, but it's old news by then. The newspapers have already covered it by then. And- That's psychotic.

You know, you're- you're really putting me in a tight spot here. I'm- I'm being, uh, tiller now. You're putting me in a tight spot here because that means that, uh, the cops also will know I'm going to be doing it on one of these two days. It's two days though. You're going to- the banks are only open five days anyways. There's no skin off your back really, is there Attila?

What's less than half the opportunities I like to have, you know, I like to have options. All of you hate producers, I guess do what you will. Dave, you've worked at a news show- As a producer. For a long time. Yes, as I was a producer, I used've worked at a news show. As a producer. For a long time. Yes, as I was a producer, I used to reach out to politicians and say, look, if you're going to fall over so we can make fun of you, you could do that before 2pm when we have our meeting, that would really help me out.

That would be really helpful for me. Otherwise, I've got to button up on the radio and say, hey, we've got a late one of the prime minister falling over, do you reckon that's funny? Yeah. Falling on a kid playing rugby. Get off! We'd go into meltdown when that kind of thing happened. It was amazing.

It's good stuff. So it's tough, but you don't generally need two to three days' notice. Usually, the news is done on the day. And I've seen news reporters doing voiceovers with minutes to spare before their package was shown on the news. Yeah, but that, I mean, you prefer not to though, wouldn't you? Sure. You prefer not to. We prefer not to. You're saying ideally you do Monday, Tuesday.

No pressure, but ideally. Yeah. What is the news here in Budapest? You know, Thursday, they want a crime to happen on a Monday. That's not news. No. That's old. Old.

I agree. He's gone for the half five and you're missing it. It's so close to my head. Yes. Well done. But when you have that really long pause, it really has the same feel. So he's big in the news, people are loving reading about him watching him on TV or his crimes obviously still a mysterious figure at large.

He's an enigma. But he really made a fool of police or at least showed their incompetencies for what they were. Sometimes he would rob the same location four separate times and still the authorities seemed to have no way to stop him. And like I said before, robberies of this kind were completely foreign to police in this part of the world in this time of history, to the point that they apparently didn't even have the knowledge to collect fingerprints at the crime scene.

Wow. They didn't know how to do that. They just didn't do that previously. Shiggy tape. It seems unbelievable to me, but like, you know, I read that in a couple of places. He was the thorn of embarrassment in their side, so a crime task force was set up just to take down the whiskey robber. It was led by Lajos Vajou, an officer who later admitted he learned a lot of his detective

work from watching the TV show, Columbo. Oh. Incredible. Sorry, just one last question. One more thing. Oh, one more thing. I've never seen it either. I only know what people say, so I don't even know what it sounds like.

One more thing. Just one more question. Just one more question. I've just got this thought that's just coming to my head. If you could just... Sorry, yeah. I'm sure it's nothing. Yeah, but what do you do on Wednesday nights? And you said you're not a smoker.

Is that right? One more thing. But I just can't help but notice a little bit of ash on the floor here. I'm wondering what can that be about? Obviously, if you just allay my curiosity. Okay. Is that okay? Just one more thing. I only know him from being the grandpa on the Princess Bride.

Is it Peter Falk? Peter Falk. Peter Spoon. No, yeah, Peter Folk. I think. Maybe. Peter Folk. I almost pronounced it as Falk. I was wrong. No, yeah, Peter Falk. I think. Maybe. Peter Falk. I almost pronounced that as Falk.

I was wrong. There you go. Please don't go off me. You're going off what I said. Did you say he's Christopher Walken? He can't say most words. Peter Falk. Twice nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. Good for you. You were just instantly convinced because of what I said. Yeah, why?

But it makes sense, that's F-A-L-K! Falk. Falk, one more thing. Yeah, I watched a lot of Columbo. Yeah, right. I'm sorry, Dave, just one more thing. The structure of that show was you'd see the crime be committed and know, and then you'd watch him slowly unravel it and that would be sort of the entertaining part of he'd put things together.

Yeah, I'm a bigger fan of the who done it than the how done it or whatever. Just the frustrating of someone not working it out. Come on! He clearly did it! It was insurance! Fuck! Fuck, Columbo! We all saw it!

There was a camera crew there. So anyway, so the head of the task force, Laios, he's watched a lot of Columbo. Sure. So he knows how to solve crimes. At one point, the police were so desperate to catch Attila that they consulted a woman and her crystal ball. They were so desperate they consulted a woman? I mean, come on. crystal ball. They were so desperate they consulted a woman.

I mean, come on. Don't tell anyone we're asking you this, because this is so embarrassing. Oh my god, oh my god. But we are desperate. We've tried a bunch of men with crystal balls and they gave us nothing. So now we're at our wits end. No, she had a crystal ball to try and pinpoint where the rubber would strike next. You'll be so surprised to know this method failed. What?

Didn't work. Well, maybe she was just on the team of the robber. Ah, she's pro-whiskey robber. She's like, she's leading the cops astray. I just hope that they don't ask a woman again. Oh, I hope they've bloody learnt their lesson. Yeah, come on. What a waste of time.

I wouldn't be asking a woman. One more woman. At one point, the robber got lucky when the police raided the building next door to the one he was robbing, which is so close. And then he escaped. He recalled another time that as he was attempting to escape, he got tangled in a rose bush. Yellow? Beautiful. Beautiful. He was robbing my house.

During which he fell over and passed out, he regained consciousness. Hours later, the police had left without noticing him and he was free to return home with the loot. Absolutely ridiculous. What do you mean? So he got tangled in a bush, fell over at the bottom underneath, hidden well enough that they didn't notice him. He was right there.

Yeah. And there looking around going, oh bloody hell, he's done it again. Where could he be? He's passed out in a bush. He's disappeared into thin bush. That bush is snoring, which is weird, but we don't have time for that. We're looking for this man. I shall not investigate.

It's making it hard to concentrate. Shut up, Bush. Shut up. That's what they should have a dog on the scene. A dog could find a man in a bush. Like any dog, it doesn't have to be trained. I think my dog could find a dog. Yeah, a man in a bush.

But a male dog. A male dog, I was just asking a female dog. What's a man in the bush worth again? Six in a hand. It's's a man in the bush worth again? Six and a hand. Forget the maths. Six and a hand. It's worth a man in the bush. As well as pumping the robber up as a hero to the people, the media went hard on the

police for their ineptitude and inability to capture him. So the media started taunting them being like, you guys really suck, don't you? The most embarrassing incident for the police was the whiskey robbers 13th robbery in 1996. According to the independent, he had his usual whiskey and then walked to a nearby bank. Yes, he had his disguise on as usual, but this disguise was as Laios Vajou, the head of the task force assigned to take him down. He wore an iconic or very striking pinstripe suit, a hat and a distinct mustache. Oh, just taking the piss. Oh my god.

Dressing up as the very guy who is struggling to capture him. But like really accurately, so people are confusing him for, or like a clownish version of it. We know what you're doing. Like a parallel, like someone dressing up as Freddie Mercury at a party, you're like, very good, I recognize who you are. You're not going to fool people. Is it a dress up party? No.

Or is it just like somebody's dress is Freddie Mercury in a wedding? And you're going, very good. Okay. I'd say what you've done. You got me. And it's actually, it's just a guy with a mustache. You're like, okay, I get it. You're Freddie Mercury.

Any guy with a mustache? I love your music. You have the voice of an angel. Oh my gosh. Such charisma. Freddie Mercury. Any time on the mustache, I love your music. You have the voice of an angel. Oh my gosh. Maddup. Maddup.

Such charisma. Maddup. Maddup. Maddup. One of the best scenarios. Jess, you did a report on them. What? This is from Adam Liebohr, writing for the Independent in the year 2001.

As the robbery progressed, this is as he's dressed as the head of the task force, one of the bank's workers phoned the police. The officer who took the call asked, are you sure you're having a robbery? Eventually they'd established, yes, it's a fucking robbery. So there's a string of robberies happening. They've got a whole task force going to try and stop these robberies. And then somebody calls in a robbery and firstly they put them on hold for a bit because their kettle had just boiled and so they came back.

Your call is important to us. You are second in queue. Okay. Anyway, and so finally get to you. Yes, what? Hi, sorry to bother you. I work at the bank and we're being robbed right now. Are you sure?

Are you sure? You sound like a woman. Are you sure? It probably was a lady and they just didn't believe. Oh honey, are you sure? Sounds like a bit of an overreaction, Dal. Okay, hun. Okay. So let's not bother the police, okay? They have actual work to do. All right? Okay. Okay. So. Let's not bother the police, okay?

They have actual work to do. All right? Okay. A few minutes later, Vazhu, head of the crime force, and his men headed to the crime scene, and two police cars crashed on the way. The television station- Into each other? I don't know if it was separate incidents or which would be so funny if it was.

The television station TV2 was already on air with a live report when Vajuu finally arrived so the media had managed to get that first. Before the cops. When yeah, she also called from the bank to the media and they said, okay, great, we're on our way. We're on our way, thank you for calling us. The cops are like, get out. Aw toots, come on.

Are you sure? It's not just the breeze? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure if there was a robbery going on, someone would have called. Yeah. I'm calling right now. Are you sure it's not just your time of the month? You can be honest.

It's making you a bit sensitive, isn't it? Is it just a customer asking for their money? Cause that's what a bank does. Do you want to go back and just check? Is this your first day? That's okay if it is, but I will arrest you. No, they didn't steal that piece of paper. That's called a receipt.

They're allowed to take that with them. They're allowed to take that. They should take that with them. So TV2 gets their first, they're live on air with a report when Vaju and his men finally arrived. The whiskey rubber was already long gone. In a bush. He's just sleeping in a bush somewhere.

TV2's reporter turns to the camera and says, and last but not least, here comes the police. Like, so embarrassing. Yeah, more and more. I'm on the side of the robber now. It's so bad. It's so funny. They didn't believe it. Two cars crashed and then by the time they get there, they just get ensassed by Well, well, well.

Oh, look who's arrived. To be, to wear such an ostentatious sort of suit and everything to be like, I'm the man, I'm the guy. And to be so incompetent as well is very funny. Oh, so great. I really want to stand out. I want everyone to know I'm the one who can't solve this. What I, yeah, I think now's the time to quit, man. Yeah.

It's like we're playing Beat the Bomb here. You know, that old radio game. Yeah. One million dollars. 1. One million dollars. One point two million dollars. Stop, stop. Yeah. Stop. Come on.

Come on, Attila. And then I was like, well, just play the game to see how much you would have won. Fifty eight million dollars. And they're going, no, offer. You just got one point two. I know, but you'll feel like an idiot because you could have won 58 million. You would feel like a fool. God, that Beat the Bomb would have gone on for ages.

Three hours later. Please say stop. Hurry up. Come on, the show's over. Stop it. The next show is outside the studio, very mad at us. They're banging on the door. So he didn't quit what he was had sadly.

He kept rubbing and he kept drinking. He progressed from one or two whiskies before a job to settle his nerves to sometimes taking down a whole bottle. He was getting cocky and falling into his partying, drinking lifestyle. And he decided to enlist the help of a partner so he could attempt even bigger robberies. He recruited Gabor Orban, a young ice hockey player and teammate of his and also the son of the coach. Okay, this feels like probably a mistake. I'm just going to say that now.

The young and impressionable Orban was keen to enlist when he was basically like, hey, I've been watching you. I think I can tell you my secret. You know how I've got all that money? I'm the whiskey robber. And the young kid's like, hell yeah. Cool. I want to be the Smirnoff the whiskey robber. And the young kids like, hell yeah. Cool. I want to be the Smirnoff double black robber.

Already brand dead, but a deal in the works. I'm sponsored by Smirnoff. So all up, they did another 12 jobs together. The 12th was a bank in January, 1998 1998 and it took a lot longer than expected. So he's been robbing for like a few years and the police haven't caught up with him yet. And he's done well over 25 robberies. Haven't got up with him. And this time it took a lot longer than expected to get the money together. So for once, the cops were actually able to arrive in time.

Right. Even factoring in multiple car crashes. Stopping for lunch. Getting lost. They had to just drop in because it was grandma's birthday, so they had to drop in, sing happy birthday, have a slice of cakes. We don't know how many more she's going to have. How do I make it? Following the GPS, ending up in a paddock. Is it how we end up here?

Oh, come on! No, no, no, no, no, the bank's somewhere around here, I swear, I swear. The robbers fled on foot and a ch ensued in which Orban- Oh, no. Orban, that is. Liability. Was caught. Yeah. But the whiskey robber, Attila, dramatically dived into the Danube River and got away.

No way. How cool is that? I don't know, because I'm imagining it a bit like the Yarra and that's gross. Oh, actually, yeah. And this is a cold climate at times of the year too that? I don't know, because I'm imagining a bit like the Yarra and that's gross. Oh, actually, yeah. And this is a cold climate at times of the year too, so I don't know. With a sack of cash. January 1998, that would be cold. Yeah.

But he's used to working in, like he does his job in an ice rink, right? Oh, true, true, true. This is nothing for him. Is he with cash? I don't think he has much cash with him from this robbery, but he's still got some stashed. So he got away, but sadly all good things must come to an end. By which I mean his terrible hockey career, because that night Ambrose's ice hockey team were due to play, but two of their players, for some reason, didn't show up.

Oh no. And everyone heard that Gabor Orbán had been arrested in conjunction with the robbery and now his teammate Attila was missing. The crowd put two and two together and realized their goalie, Attila Ambrose, must be the famed whiskey robber and apparently they kept chanting his name throughout the match. They were proud of their guy. Oh my god. Meanwhile, Attila, emerging from the Danube, headed for his house where he grabbed a stash of cash and his beloved dog, took his dog with him, jumped into his car. Well yeah Dave, he's not going to leave the dog behind.

It can't feed itself. No, it's a really smart dog. Oh okay, yeah great. Oh, then that's quite nice that he took the dog. He needed directions. So they jumped into the car headed for the Romanian border. And once they get across, they thought they could escape, you know, into somewhere else in Europe and live on the lam.

Sadly for him, this time the police were onto him and he was arrested before he could make it to the border. Damn. There was another media storm. Their hero had finally been caught. There was another media storm. The hero had finally been caught. The Hungarian daily Magcar Herlap editorialized after the arrest, saying, He didn't rob banks.

He merely performed a peculiar redistribution of the wealth that differed from the elites only in its method. So people are still very much on his side. Facing a hefty sentence for his 27 robberies, he cooperated and agreed to a confession as long as an attempted murder charge brought against him was dropped, because he was accused of firing his gun at police, but he maintains he just shot it into the air. There were police in the air, but he did not know that. And a helicopter. And when I say gun, I mean rocket launcher. It was very cool. And that is where the story would end for most robbers. But not our folk hero. We're now in 1999

and he's in a detention center awaiting his sentence when the guard on duty was distracted. Oh no. Attila lowered himself out a four-story window using a makeshift rope made up of bedsheets. No way. Tows. No way. Extension cords. And ropes.

Had a 58 meter rope. He actually had plenty of rope, but. I don't want to race good rope. The last thing was shoelaces. He was trying to get every little bit extra because the rope wasn't quite long enough, so he had to jump the last couple of meters, spraining both his ankles in the process. But he was once again free. Apparently, no one had ever escaped from that prison before.

Wow. No one had tried. No one thought of it. Yeah. Yeah, back under the old government, you wouldn't do that. Yeah. And this brought the whiskey robber to full cult status in Hungary. The media could not get enough. A National Daily newspaper declared him our national hero, the bank robber. Isn't that so funny? Imagine like I can't picture Australia doing that.

No. We're too rule followy. Yeah, we are. We do love rules here. Yeah. When at a press conference after he escaped, someone in the media said, we do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do.

We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do.

We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. to show what the country is going through when they're cheering on him. But they just thought he was, you know, the little guy up against the big guys.

They loved him. And the police, they're upset that they were once again being a made of mockery of and Budapest was shut down. Hundreds of cops were deployed. Helicopters hit this guy. Hopefully no rocket launcher. As the manhunt began. Meanwhile, Attila quietly hid out in an apartment being looked after by trusted

friends. He needed money and after a few weeks decided to go for one last job. Always. It was his 28th robbery by this point and it went horribly. Apparently, instead of a glass of whiskey, he had more than a whole bottle and sources differ on this, but Pr Precoi writes, Okay, but say that again like you've had a bottle of whiskey. Yeah, I have nothing to lose. OK, but say that again like you've had a bottle of whiskey. Yeah, I have. I have nothing to lose.

Chad! Chad! And they laughed at that? Well he scooped up millions of forints in his drunken excitement. This is where it went wrong. They write he lost the key to the bank's doors that he'd just locked. They laughed. He shot in the air, fled into an alley before hiding out for hours under a parked car and

fleeing to his hideout. Again, the cops are not looking on the ground. The cops aren't looking, I don't think. Either way, it was a- That car is snoring. Attila! Attila! If you don't come out, you gotta come out. We've asked you, that's the rule.

That's the rule! If you don't, damn! why is that car snoring? Sorry, there's a fella under this car. Mate, you gotta get your car checked out. Yeah, something's not right there, champ. Mate, are you under there fixing it right now? Yeah. Do you need a hand?

That's a real problem. So, there's a couple of stories there, but either way, it was a failure and so you had to go in for one last, one last shot. Yeah, but then that would be his 29th and then at that point you may as well go for a 30. Round it up. Yeah, I think so. Well, yeah, is he is he going to have learnt from his his mistake there, Jess, do you reckon? Drinking a bottle? Is he going to what less is he going to take out?

Is he going to be like, need to drink less or is he going to be like, needed to drink more? Didn't quite have enough. Oh, not exactly. Yes. I think more. Yep. That would be what my instinct. Yeah. Yeah. Two bottles. Two bottles of Smirnoff Double Black. Thank you to the good people at Smirnoff.

That's too many standard drinks. That would kill a person. Oh, man. Well, up to robbery 29, as you said, and there was- this was a much more successful robbery, netting him much more than ever before. 51 million forints, around 200,000 US dollars. Whoa! But he did leave a piece of crucial evidence at the scene of the crime. Business card.

Don't they know it's him now? Passport. Almost. He left a telephone card that he'd used to call the number of his hideout. Oh. Police tracked her down and arrested him with 400 officers taking part in the arrest. That's so many. They were not taking chances. That is overkill.

You look at you and you'd be like, is there like- A party happening? Yeah, a party, a demonstration going on downstairs. 400? 400. So then every other criminal in the city is just having a field day because there are no cops. That's me. That's when I strike. Yeah. then every other criminal in the city's just having a field day because there are no cops. Which is you. That's me.

That's when I strike. Yeah. You're no longer covered by people thinking you're him though, but still, this is your second job. Yeah. And definitely the last one. That's right. Yeah.

You could quit whenever you wanted. And I will. Yeah. After one last job. Number 30. His trial went for 10 months and again was a huge media spectacle this time around the world as people heard of the part-time goalie slash janitor who became the most famous bank robber in modern Hungary's history.

I think it's strange that the whiskey robber name stuck once they knew he was a part-time goalie. Don't you think part-time goalie robber? Okay. Whiskey robber's better. Part-time goalie time goalie robber? OK. Whiskey robbers better. Part time goalie slash janitor robber. Zamboni robber. Oh.

Zamboni thief. Oh, that's good. That sounds like he steals Zamboni's. I think when he said whiskey robber at the start, I was like, he's stealing whiskey? Yeah, by the barrel full. No. He's just drinking it. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison at a notorious place on the border with Slovakia and Ukraine.

He later described it as, quote, the end of the earth where even the birds don't fly. Hmm. Because he's shooting at him. At first, whiskey was smuggled into him by his girlfriend, hidden in a plastic bag, hidden inside a bottle of Fabrik Soffner. But it was discovered and from then no other contraband could be smuggled to him, so he had to go sober. He was eventually released after 11 years for good behavior, spending his time on fitness and education, eventually earning a Master of Fine Arts degree.

And ripped. Oh, he was ripped. He's ripped and he's got a master's. So now he's an art curator and stuntman. Well these days he runs a pottery workshop in central Budapest. Another skill he picked up in prison. He also has a workshop on a farm and he makes income from both farming. That and also he's got a third job.

Finally. Of course he does. His third job, he gives motivational talks. Oh, yeah. How, who is he motivating? I think because it was so popular, right? Yeah, and he went from a life of crime. It'd be basically celebrity chat.

Yeah, and also from, I went from a life of crime, now I'm like, you know, I hit rock bottom, I had no money, now I've come out and I made an honest life for myself. Now I'm wholesome. He can talk in the schools, being like, I'll tell them how I can, you know, I made a life after crime, but everyone's like, tells about the crime. We don't care about the pottery. And he's also like, yeah, that's real. I just have to sell it to the school saying that it's a lesson, but anyway, here's what

I did. Yeah, yeah. This one was really sick, actually. He still leads a pretty public life. Kaput Magazine interviewed him in 2022, and I'll link to that article as well. And the authors Jessica Kreiger and Roland van Oysterne caught up with the then 55 year old for what seemed like more than a few drinks. They kept referring to how many.

He was like, come on, finish your beer. We've got to get another one. Like, so he still loves a tipple. He's now married and has children saying, being a father has changed me incredibly because now the center of my life is not myself, but the children. A book was written about him in 2002 by American writer Julian Rubenstein. It's called The Ballad of the Whiskey Robber. In the Kaput interview, Ambrose says he feels ripped off by only getting a thousand dollars

and claims that the author Rubenstein made a lot more money from your story. Johnny Depp later secured the film rights, but so far it's not been made. I tried to track down a copy for this report because it's got some good reviews online, but I couldn't find it in any bookshop. There's no ebook or not on the Australian Audible. Could get in America, but not sadly here. So, might be worth checking out if you want to hear more about this story. In 2017, a Hungarian film that translates to The Whiskey Robber was released and was

a huge hit. Johnny Depp was in it. No, no JD. Apparently, I think it was the second most successful Hungarian movie ever. So he's still very famous in his homeland. After the Mighty Ducks. Is that them? Yeah, they love Ice Hockey over there.

They love Ice Hockey. He actually makes a cameo in the film as a taxi driver as he often used taxis to escape. It's a little nut to himself there. My final quote from, and I'm going to look it up to say it correctly. Imagine using taxis to escape. Taxi. You'd be sweating on it like, I really need to get going, mate. Can you put your foot down?

Wouldn't you like, you'd be, you're trusting a different driver every time as well, to not tell them where they dropped you off. Well, better than an Uber, I guess, because that will track you. True. My final quote from Pesch Kroy, that was an excellent article that really helped me write this report, and I will, of course, link to it and other sources if you want to read more. This one was originally published in Polish, because it's a Polish magazine, but translated by Nathaniel Espino. And when asked if his criminal career was worth it, Attila said, in fact, prison was

my salvation. I was rolling downhill through alcohol, money, adrenaline and numbness. What I did was bad and selfish. I committed many crimes and made mistakes. I can't change that now. I've done my time and I have no intention of returning to the past. Now I want to do everything I can to, to return to society and just concentrate on living." And then in another interview with Kaput, they said, would you ever come out of retirement? And he said,

only for several million dollars. The price is right. He was joking. He's like, oh, only it was a lot. He's like, nah, nah, nah, that wouldn't really. So there you go. That's the story of the whiskey robber. He said he remained sober. Oh, no, no. Like I said, two years ago he was like, I think there was beer, there was whiskey, there were multiple drinks that they were referring to. So yeah, no, he's not.

He got sober in prison for a while, got his life back on track and was ready to get into it again. Yeah. Once he had access to it again, he's like, let's catch up. But yeah, he seems like he's enjoying his life. What a character. And he's no longer committing crime, but he's still a. I really enjoyed that story. And yeah, I love a gentleman robber.

Yeah. Yeah. And and yeah, obviously, it wouldn't be nice working in a bank or a post office or whatever that's getting robbed. So it's not entirely victimless, like we always sort of say, but nobody was hurt. It's so funny that the whole country basically is like cheering him on that he just becomes this folklore hero. Yes, that's what's so fascinating about it. And then-

I'm picturing the bank attendants being like, oh my God, it's him. He chose our bank? Yes, whatever you like. Of course. Here you go. Is this okay? Can I have your autograph? And people are diving and being like, can I have the flowers?

Can I have the flowers? But there you go. So the last three weeks, if you haven't listened to the last couple, have been, we did a hotel heist and then the Perth Mint Swindle. Yeah. And so there you go. Like we said at the start of the episode, we never know what the others are going to report on.

So it just happened that way. But I think it's been a fun little trip titch, as we always say, because my art teacher said it wrong when I was in high school. My art teacher said Yosemite instead of Yosemite. Oh, I love it. And it has, it trips me up every time because I remember at the time being like, but it's Yosemite Sam. Yosemite Sam.

Yosemite Sam. I was so sure. I was like, well, she's an adult. She'd know. And she didn't know. She didn't. She was basing it off Vegemite. Yeah. Vegemite. Vegemite Sam. That's nice.

Yeah. That's better. Have we been saying it wrong this whole time? Probably. Dave, fantastic report. What a fun story. Thank you. A bit of a, yeah. He served his time too, so I feel. Yes, that's right. Dave, fantastic report. What a fun story. Thank you. A bit of a, yeah.

He served his time too, so I feel, yeah. Yes, that's right. And no one got physically hurt, so that's always good. And yeah, yeah, yeah. Broke out a gel once. Oh yeah, he only broke out a gel once. Yeah, so the only one who got hurt was himself and he hurt his ankles. That's right.

That's right. That would have hurt. And then it would have been interesting to know what would have happened if he didn't drop that phone card, but I'm guessing eventually he was getting done. Yeah, I mean, they had a pretty good idea who it was. And I think found him. It felt like like he said, like prison was actually a salvation because it sort of stopped it for him because he was just out of control.

It was like, I have to keep robbing. I've backed myself into this corner now with this lifestyle I'm leading. Really, it was like, stop me, stop me. And they did. Amazing. Great stuff. Well, that brings like, stop me, stop me. And they did. Amazing. Great stuff. Well, that brings us to everyone's favourite section of the show, where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. If you want to be involved, you go to patreon.com slash digwompod and you can sign up on any level. There's a bunch of different things that you can be involved in there.

Dave will probably run you through a few of them now. Well, we give out, we give out, we put out three bonus episodes a month. We put out. Right off the bat. Absolutely. Yeah. No virgins here. Three bonus episodes per month.

Three bonus experts. Okay. Giving out bonus episodes, including 200 in the back catalogue already. You get instant access to those. We're not frigid, okay? Okay. So we've heard people say it and we just want to put on the record, we're not. We're very horny people. We're not frigid, okay? Okay! So we've heard people say it, we just wanna put on the record, we're not.

We're very horny people. We're horny and we- We just keep that off-part because we're professionals. All right. But we fuck. We do. Oh wow.

When the mugs are off. We're fucking, yeah. So are the pants. A normal amount, like whatever you think's normal. A healthy amount. A normal, healthy amount. That. The exact. A healthy amount. A normal healthy amount. That. The exact amount that you think.

What's our body count? Four. Four. A reasonable amount. A reasonable amount. Nothing prudish, but nothing extraordinary. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. So just writing that safe, so probably upper of the average. Upper of the average, but not a concerning amount. No. Nothing bullyable either way. Just right. We do it all night bullyable either way. Just right. We do it all night and we do it just right. If all night's a good amount of time.

If that's what you want. I don't mind. Sometimes you want quick and we're out the door. That's fine. Wham bam, thank you ma'am, we're done. But if you want longer, we'll clear our schedules. Okay, that's all we're trying, that's all we needed to tell you.

That's all we're trying- that's all we needed to tell you. That's all we're trying to say. OK. Yes. As well as access to live tickets before anyone else. The beautiful Facebook group. Lovely little place. We give you shout outs. You get to vote for topics. This one was voted for by the lovely Patreon people.

I put out- yeah, it was a great, great old time going through the hat finding three or four interesting topics from different parts of the world, and they all wanted to hear about the whiskey rubber. So that was cool. Yeah. And then we also just dedicate this whole next section of the show to thanking people by name for their support. This could be you. This could be you. This could be you. The first thing we do is talk to the people on the Sydney,

Scharnberg level or above. These people get to give us a fact or quote or a question or a prayer or a suggestion or really whatever they like. This section of the show actually has a jingle, I think, or something like this. Fact, quote or question. He always remembers the ding, always remembers the sing. And for the first time, a bit of vibrato there. A bit of vibrato. Okay.

A bit of harmony. First time, but not the last time. Absolutely not. So we read four of these out, usually if there's that many. And there are this week. And first up, we've got one from Nathan Damon. You also get to give yourself a title. Nathan's title is Group Dad. Jess, if you don't share the hockey table, the air hockey table, I'm going to sell it on Marketplace.

Dad! No! Jess, give Sophie a turn. You won't even get a good price, Dad. Nathan's got a question writing, I recently splashed out on some personal number plates. They are white on a black background to match my black triton. And while I was tempted to get do go on, I instead opted for bad word. Bad word? Bad word.

Literally just bad word, unless he's self-censoring. That's funny. I really hope it's not one of the real bad words. Nathan, how bad are we talking? Nathan, my goodness. We need to scale. Cause Nathan's over in WA the real bad words. Yeah. Nathan, how bad are we talking? Nathan, my goodness. We need to scale. Because Nathan's over in WA, right? Yeah.

You can get more letters over there. You can get half a sentence, basically, I've seen. Yeah, we're restricted to six here, aren't we? We're six characters. I think I've seen like eight, ten, am I crazy? You're a bad, bad word, seven. Jeez. Jeez, it's luxurious over there.

Because we'd have to do like B-A-D-W-R-D. Right. You know? Still good, actually. Jesus, it's luxurious over there. Because we'd have to do like B-A-D-W-R-D. Right. Still good actually, but it's better to be able to write the whole thing. Yeah. That's funny. Bad word. Bad word is a bit of fun.

I like it. Maybe it's just, probably just seven. I think it's just seven, but still he's using them. We could get, could we get Do Go On? Yeah, yeah, but it's available in Victoria. I've looked it up. You have too. I looked it up. It was, you know. And we were going to get a company car. Yeah, yeah, but it's available in Victoria. I've looked it up. You have to. I looked it up.

It was, you know. And we were going to get a company car. Yeah, we were. First you got to get the car, then you can get the number plate. True, true, true. But I believe it was like $600 a year or something. It's a bit much, isn't it? A year.

Maybe it's just an upfront fee, but it was at least $600. And I was like, is this worth it? No. To go on a car that doesn't exist? No, it's not. But anyway, we haven't got to this question. Sorry, Nathan. Nathan writes, my question is, what color plates would you get and what would they

say? And Dave, you have no chance of getting Cobra. No, why not? I think it's already taken. Well, then Perth could get Cobra 69. Sure, that's taken. Can you look at that? Okay. We've lost Dave now. He's gone into a rabbit hole. Nathan says, well, that's all for me except to say, Jess, play nice.

No, dad! It's my air hockey. Mine would be air hockey. Air hockey. That would be what my personalised level plate would be. AIR HKY. Okay. And my car is white. So I could really go any color.

Everything goes with white. I'd go yellow. I don't think they do that, but that's what I would do. Yeah, like the old school New South Wales number plates. Oh yeah. Those are the best plates. I like them. I like the look of them.

You can definitely get a yellow and a black background at the very least. Oh, OK. So a yellow text. No, I don't like that. That makes me feel like it's Batman. I don't like that. Oh, I want a yellow background and white text. So it's actually very hard to read. And then I would just like be running red lights all day. Hell, yeah. That makes sense.

All right. I'll go like, I don't want the pink one. I'd stick with I currently have black background, white text. I'd stick with that, but it would say air hockey. Mine would say, and I've just thought of this now, P-T-S-O-U-T. P-T-S. Uh-huh. O-U-T. Because we've got the six letters. If we had, if it was a W-A-1,

I'd put a U between the P and the T. And I'd have it on hot pink. Okay. I still haven't worked out what it is. Me either. I mean, it's literally now sp hot pink. Okay. I still haven't worked out what it is. Me either. I mean, it's literally now spelled out. Well, I... Yeah, but I couldn't, I can't visualize it.

I'm hungry. Spell it out again with seven. P-U-T-S. Puts out. Puts out. Okay. I went to, POTUS? Are you trying to be the president of POTUS?

I was like, I thought he was doing something stout related. Oh, that's not what I meant. Stout? I was like, all right, man, we get it. You like beer. But he's doing, he wants his number plate to be put down. That's good stuff. How about just go around, windows down, music blaring, another subwoofer in the back, winking

at everyone by the way. Sure do. And what colour does it put out? Hot pink. It's not hot pink. That's awesome. Yeah, that's good stuff. Dave, Cobra 69. I think Cobra 69 is pretty good. You're a father, Dave. Have some respect.

For Cobras? I'm a dad 69. You can only get I'm a dad 6. What was that guy who? I'm dad 69. That's it. I'm dad 69. What was that thing you, was it you telling me about a few years ago, a guy got in trouble because his whole persona was being a dad and then he turns out like he wasn't or something? Yeah, he was a husband guy.

Husband guy. And then he wasn't even... Dave, can you get husband guy? He was a wife guy. A wife guy. H-S-B-N-D-G-Y. It could be H-S-B-N-D-G-Y, so it would be hard for people to work out what it is. Yeah, and I hate those.

I hate when I'm like, you've worked so hard to make this kind of fit. And it's just it's not nice to look at. There was a- Puts out. Jesus Christ. A friend of a friend back in the day had- his name was Chase, but couldn't get Chase. He got a five and said yes. So all his mates called him Jafivey. Jafivey! It's Chase, all right?

It's a common thing. That's it when you have to, because I'd have to have fives for S's and stuff. I remember seeing in the Glen, the shopping centre in Glen Lively, where I worked as a teen. Glen 20? Oh my god. That trail has gone cold. Oh yeah.

Have you ever got a reply from that, Dave? No. No, they just said keep us posted, but I think they actually cared. I remember seeing a car with the number plate Jessie, but all letters. Like they got Jessie. Oh, wow. And I was like, holy shit. You have to pay a lot for that. Yeah. Was that it was probably Uncle Jessie from Full House, I reckon.

J-E-S-S-I-E. Exciting stuff. Yeah, it was a big day. That's a fantastic day. I was like, whoa. Thank you so much for that question, Nathan. If you could get anything, it would be awesome if you could just get car. That's pretty fun. Yeah, that would be awesome. I was behind a guy yesterday whose number plate wasn't purse size, but it was bog.

That's fun. Bog 389 or whatever. The best is when it's vag and you're like, yeah, that's the best. And it's often on those like really fancy number plates. They always say vag and you're like incredible stuff. really fancy number plates. They always say Vag and you're like incredible stuff. They always say Vag. They always say Vag. Happens a lot.

The best is. You were making your number plate puts out. Puts out. I never, I never suggested it was the best. That's the best. I just like how you said it so matter-of-factly. Well, the best is Vag. That's the best. I just like that you said it so matter of factly. Well, the best is Vaj. That's the best for a ranking.

I'm at number one. Vaj. Number one Vaj. Number two Daylight because Vaj is the best. Tilly T. OK, official champion of fucking things up and fixing it before anyone else notices. OK. Tilly, that's I mean, if you're going to be able to do it, that's fantastic. Yeah, it's a dangerous game, but if you pull it off, that would feel so sweet. That would feel sweet every time.

Man, it would be a nerve wracking laugh. Tilly's got a brag writing, after a really bloody hard year, told you a lot about it in my last fat quota question. I moved towns and got a new job in my niche industry. I started as the same role I had in my workplace and wasn't expecting much, but my new boss is fantastic. As is the team working for him. Do you want me to quickly recap what the last one was?

Sure. Because I don't know if people know Jess's memory isn't that good. Mine's fantastic. Just Jess. Matt and I, we know exactly what's happening with Utili, but just to get Jess back up to speed, please remind Jess and Jess alone,

I'll take the headphones off, do you hear this? Yep, because you also remember. Rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr Had an incident at work that led to workers compensation not being able to return to their workplace that they loved and trained their whole life to be in. It was really shit, very bleak times, but the pod got him through. Oh, yes, I do. I do remember that. But new job. Fantastic news. Yes, this is such good news.

A new town. Oh. After a week for working him, working him, working for him, he sat me down, told me he'd like to give me the management role I'd been chasing in my old job and gave me a work vehicle to boot. Yes! What are you going to get? Can we recommend some personalised plates?

Vag. Puts vag out. We can combine a few ideas. We don't know how many letters you get over there, wherever you are. Puts vag out. Yeah. Like it's bin night. Nailed it in one.

It's vag night. Gotta put the vag out. Jess has given me one of the- Sorry, I just didn't like that. Oh no, I was just letting the audience know that Jess doesn't give me that look as much as you'd think, but she, she gave me that look that I get every probably six months. It says, no, that's a no for me.

No. Isn't someone's job at the driving place that Vic Rhodes we've got here on DMV, that's called in America, where you submit your idea for, I want this. They have like a room where they spit ball and say, let's say it out loud a few times, see if it's rude or whatever. And they go, puts vag out, puts vag, what do you think that means? And they have to go around the room and sort of yay or nay it? Yeah. Like a sort of focus group?

If that is a job, I want it. That's so, it's gonna be so funny. You look at it and you go, actually that's slang, that's a slang term for a new drug or something. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we can't have that. Can't have that. But, but-

Unless they're a drug dealer, let's find out what they do for work. What do you do for work? It can't be false advertising. Tilly finishes by saying, so excited for the opportunity to prove myself that I can hardly fucking wait for each new day. I don't know. It might not be a huge deal to some people,

but I'm stoked. After everything that's happened in the last 18 months, this feels like I finally hit the light at the end of the tunnel. And it's all blue scars from here, baby. That's awesome. Couldn't have made it through though, uh, through that dumb, dark tunnel without you idiots with me. It felt like an unnecessary insult. Well, it felt apt to me. That's great.

That's why I knew you were talking to me. Congratulations, Tilly. Yeah, that's huge, Tilly. That's awesome. Really nice to get to, nice to recognize and acknowledge when, you know, you're having a win after, after, you know, a shitty time. So that's huge, Tilly. That's awesome. Really nice to get to, nice to recognise and acknowledge when, you know, you're having a win after after, you know, a shitty time. So that's great. The next one comes from Simon Ma and Simon's actually messaged me saying that we've already done this question, but I thought, we'll just see if there's any update on it.

OK. He yeah, he found out after he'd sent it through that we'd already answered a similar question, but his title is Uncle Simon of the pod. Everyone needs an Uncle Simon. Now let's all go out for ice cream. Don't tell your mother. What a fun uncle. I have many uncles.

I love how our pod family is really growing. Yeah. I have a lot of uncles and I don't have a Simon. So. No Simon. I don't have a Simon. Do you have an Uncle Simon? No Uncle Simon here.

Matt, you got an Uncle Simon? No. What do you do now? I've got quite a few. Yeah you have an Uncle Simon? No Uncle Simon here. Okay. Matt, you got an Uncle Simon? Uh, no. What do you do now? I've got quite a few. Yeah, so it's none Simons. Simon says, Hi Pod Gang. Hi Simon. Hi Uncle Simon.

I've got a question. Well, more of a thought exercise, but fun nonetheless. If you had to choose five liquids to come out of your fingers like a squid gun, what would they be? I asked this question! Yeah, that's right. All liquids come out at the temperature you want and no solids that aren't liquids naturally, i.e. liquid gold. Of course, I have to answer my own question as law demands it.

Yes, thank you so much. Simon. Can you have, follow up question. Are you allowed to have mercury liquid at room temperature? No. Okay. Stop trying to poison me. Freddie Mercury at room temperature.

Mine would be water coffee, sriracha. Sriracha? Sriracha. Oh yeah, I had hollandaise sauce last time. Yeah you did, yeah. Chocolate, milk and piss. Simon why? The first four understandably essential liquids in everyone's diet and piss surely to weaponize

it. That's gotta be the middle finger. Don't like someone, bam. Piss finger gun at their trouser front and ruin their day. Oh yeah piss off. Dog pisses on your hydrangeas? Give them a taste of their own medicine. Piss on the dog? The uses are endless. Uncle Simon you're crazy. The uses are endless Simon. I'm gonna need a few more examples before I agree with you. That's true and both of them are pissing on things. I go well I think all of them will be pissing on things. True, true, true. The variations will be what the things are. Anywho, thanks again for being a fantastic podcast and keep up the great work, gang.

I have. OK, if the piss finger. Never thought I'd say that. If the piss finger. The man with the piss finger. If it was connected to my bladder and like, because like I can't piss standing up. I can't just go in a bush at a music festival where the lines are long. If it meant that I- In case there's a Hungarian bank robber in there. Correct.

Am I going to piss all over a bank robber? Unless he's pissed on your hydrangeas. Yeah, and then I'd piss on him because that's how it goes. It's a piss for a piss. Piss for a piss. Yeah. But if it was your piss, a way to just piss. Maybe that'd be all right.

If you could drain. That's where I thought it was going to be going with it. But it sounds like a secondary, like he's got a secondary blood or something. It's just full of piss. It's just ready to go. And I don't like that. So I, mine, mine remains the same. Uh, I'm having, I'm having hot coffee, cold coffee.

Margarita. I love that you remember this. Now I'm forgetting. Water must have been one of them. And what was the other one? I don't know. I'll go, I'm just going off the top of my dime. I'm pretty sure this will be different, but like a perfectly, uh,

T perfectly to me or whatever. Um, it may as well be pissed to me. It's good. You got your own fingers. You hate bergamot. Oh my God. Disgusting. I love Russian caravan. That is awful stuff. Um, maybe I'd have never had it, but it's just a fascinating name. That's a non-tea drink. Russian Caravan, a fantastic name. I just like Roy Boss. I think that one's gross. But I do like the idea of having beef

against... Oh, Russian Caravan over here. Yeah, you would, wouldn't you? Oh my god, you would steep for more than two minutes you sicko. Then what else we got? Water. Um, beer. Yep. Like a... I don't know which one though, but like a, like a paler. It has to be one kind of beer to them.

Yeah. Yeah. So think about something that you'd happily drink, you know, like all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I'd go, yeah, like a. You're stuck on a deserted island. You've got this beer. What is it? Pail. I'll go like a, maybe a kite, the kite. If I could get deeds before they. Yeah. The last batch of. Yeah. You could have that.

Like the deeds, double ton, one of the classic pales. What if one of them was like a slushy? That'd be fun. That margarita sort of is, isn't it? Yeah, true. Well, a frozen Marg, yes. This isn't a frozen Marg I had, but it could be. Okay, oat flat white.

Yeah. Which would have changed. Last time I wasn't drinking oat milk. Yeah. But I got converted but it could be. Oh, okay. Oat flat white. Yeah. Which would have changed. Last time I wasn't drinking oat milk. Yeah. But I got converted by someone, I can't remember who. The girl at the cafe. It was the girl at the cafe. Yeah, but do you know how they get that milk?

Foot prisons. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that was that weird guy. That guy tried to, he asked that question and we were like, are you going to tell us something disgusting? And it's like, oh no, they just get it from the oat. Oh, okay. Cool, man. Thanks. Thanks for the convo. He was a cool guy.

Sorry. And I can't, I don't know why. And a stout, two different beers. Couple of beers? Why not? Did you have water in there? Water's in there. I think I'm having lemonade, I think is the other one. Lemonade. For Americans, like our lemonade, like sprite is what we call lemonade. You're like a carbonated. Yeah, so I'd have a skinny latte. What is the other one? POP. POP. I think some areas call it pop, some soda. Pop.

My uncle Tim, I remember him calling it fizzy pop as I was growing up. He listens, he might be like, I've never said that before. Is he Kiwi? Welsh. Welsh. You know what I mean?

You know how my brain associates that for some reason, New Zealand and Welsh together. So nothing in common, but I don't know why. Okay. I think they're just a lot of good comedians come from those places. That's true. That is true of both. All right, Dave. Okay. I'm also starting with water. Sheep. Is it sheep? No, I don't know. They've all got sheep.

They've got something in common. I'm not sure what it is. Water. Orange juice. Yeah. I need orange juice to be in there. I'd have some sort of pale ale beer. Yep. And I mean they have a lot of sheep. This is Dave's turn. I'm just saying I'm not doing that bad joke that they fuck sheep. They have a lot of sheep per capita. That's all I'm saying. Who knows what they do with them. Well, they share it. Back to Dave. They don't share. That's not what I'm... Okay. Please let me say Russian Caravan.

You also have to think about like if you're already sort sort of like, well, I'm covered, those are good for me. Then you sort of think like, what would be useful for other people? Like let's say somebody had vodka and then you had a mixer. Over your team up. Yeah, exactly. I'm definitely going to say one of mine is coffee for my wife. I don't drink coffee, but she would love it. Yeah, yeah.

If you were just able to get her a coffee anytime. Because I make her a coffee every morning. Yeah, which is very sweet. If I could make it from my finger. Yep, even better. Even better. Yeah. How does she have her coffee? Usually an iced oat latte.

Okay. And so you've just got that ready to go on one of your fingers. Make that your ring finger. That'd be nice. Yes. Just for the symbolism. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. And then probably the fifth one. This is difficult. I would probably say a lime Swiss mountain malt from the pancake parlor.

Oh, great choice. Yeah, so this is where I got- Basically like a multi milkshake with lime. This is why I got tripped up the first time is because in discussing it with my partner, he was like, you should probably have like a protein shake or like a meal replacement shake or something. Not just for like if you're stuck deserted, but also I don't get enough protein. So I do have to rely on like a protein shake in my day. And he's like, you should have that. And I was like, that's logical. Sure. But I don't want it. Cause I wanted my two kinds of coffee. So he can have a protein shake on his hand for me. You know, if he

loves me, then he can, he could sacrifice one of his, but I'm keeping both my coffees. Yeah. I think that's reasonable. Yeah. So I'm going skinny latte, skinny iced latte. So is that two separate ones? Two separate ones. Skinny, oh skinny iced. It's just temperature. It's just the temperature, you know, and it's silly. It's frivolous, but it's my hand. Yeah. It's my beverages. Uh, premixed margarita. I'm going like a Sprite type thing. I've still got one left. Water.

Okay. Well, that's less fun. But yeah, I think as I don't drink a lot of alcohol, but I do love a Marg. So I'm not going to waste another finger on another alcohol, but I can always just add a mixer to some, to some spirit. I'm happy with that. Great. Lock it in. When do we get the surgery? I've booked us in for next week and I've asked if they could do us at the same time. So the other hand that we're not having made into drinks, we'll be holding hands. That's good.

Is that nice? Yeah. drinks, we'll be holding hands. That's good. Isn't that nice? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah. Great answers there, guys. Thank you. Thanks. I just thought they were really great.

Yeah. Like five liquids. Yeah. I'd be lucky to even name them. I'll try and count them on my fingers now. Earl Grey. Yeah, you've actually already answered. What? So let's just move on. I'd be like it even name them. I'll try and count them on my fingers now. Earl Grey. Yeah, you've actually already answered. What?

So let's just move on. All right, here's the next one comes from Dave Loring. Okay. Supple Lipped Dave. Oh. Okay. Okay. Coming for the title, okay.

Have you given yourself that title or has somebody else said that to you? Well, he's not here. Sorry, Jess. Oh, what? Uh, and supple lip Dave, uh, has a brag. I mean, surely you've already done that. This has to be about the ellipse.

And if it's not, you've lost the plot, David Loring. Uh, David writes, Hey mates, thought I'd come in swinging with a truly amazing brag, prepare yourselves accordingly. Okay. I'm holding swingin' with a truly amazing brag. Prepare yourselves accordingly. Okay, I'm holding onto the table. I have six times in a row finished a chapstick entirely and actively purchased a new one. Get the actual fuck out.

What? What do you mean? Instead of just losing them without realizing and only discovering that when I've gone to use it. I don't think that's possible. No. Six times in a row? Six times? I think that we can all agree this is a truly spectacular feat of human achievement. That I am basically a god now and that I've simultaneously mastered the art of humility.

Hope you're all well. Stay awesome. That's incredible. I'm so impressed, friend. That is amazing. Chapstick. What else do you call chapsticks again? Lip balm. Lip balm. That's right. That's what we call it.

Lip smacker. Yep. We go smackers for lip smackers. We go ape over grape. Gum is so yum. Get a fruit, also fun. You didn't have friends as a kid, did you? That doesn't ring any bells? It was a lot of ads for you. No, I remember the product lip smacker.

The ads were your friend. We go ape over grape. I'm just realising he didn't have conversations with other kids. Whereas in the ad breaks, what you would do is you'd turn off the TV and go and just frolic with friends for two and a half minutes before returning to them. You're saying that like that's a weird thing to do. Well, I just never frolic never frolic, that's true. Yeah. Ads were my friends.

Advertising. Literally all the things I've been saying. Products were my comfort. Marketers were my guardians. David Lauren, that is amazing. Six in a row, can he go for 10? Yeah, let's see. I wonder how long it takes too, is it like a month?

Or is it like three months per stick? Yeah, just in how much you're using it. Because it really depends, you know, this is a glass half full, half empty thing. Are your lips that supple if you need that much chapstick? You know what I mean? They're supple because of. Because of, exactly right. But are they now like... Too supple. What if you get lost on a deserted island and you have no more chapstick? That's a genuine hell for me. I have some in my pocket at all times. Yeah,

but we're talking about chapstick. The humblest of all brags, I've got something in my pocket at all times. I said some. Oh, okay. How often are you putting it on? You, I mean, you sit right next to me as we do this podcast and you've never seen me reach in and grab this and put it on mid recording. I've never seen that product in my life. I've never seen it either. I do it all the time. I'm obsessed with it. I picture the little one with like a, you know, twirl it up and it's got a little...

This is a tube one, like a... Do you get through it or do you lose it? What I've done with these ones, since I've discovered this particular lip balm that I like, is when it gets really low, I buy another one, but there's still a little bit left in the old one. So I put that in like the bag I take to walk the dog or it sits on my desk. So whenever you need a little bit, I've still got it. I really didn't think this was going to kick off so much chat. David, you've done a fantastic job there. Look at that.

I don't like your attitude today. You could be a segment producer on one of Jess's radio shows. I do not like your attitude. The way that has created content there. You are just a nasty little man. Colin, what do you do with your chapped lips? Oh yeah, hi, Adam. Oh, yes, I'm actually a beekeeper and I just use some of the wax from the bees and it works

out fantastically. Have you ever been stung by one of the bees? A couple of times, yes. Oh, that's fun. You got a favourite bee? Oh, yes, River. River? River's my favourite bee.

Oh, that's nice. All right, thanks for calling. Sorry, can I just have a bit of... Thanks for calling. All right. Can I have a bit of a ham? I want a ham! Give me a...

Sorry, are you just... Are you just beeping at me now? We're reversing the studio. We're doing an OB today. All right. That brings us up to another section where we thank people on the shout out level or above. I think that's ass prod or above.

And Justin only comes up with a game based on the topic at hand. Well, this is the whiskey rubber. So what kind of rubber are they? Okay. Love it. How do we want to, I like how we've been splitting it up lately. Someone reads out the names. Yeah.

Someone says, I reckon, someone reads the name, someone says the thing, and someone says the kind of criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds great. So I want to say the kind of criminal. Okay. Dave, you want names

or the whiskey level thing, the adjective? I happen to read out some names here. Okay sounds great. So I want to say the kind of criminal. Okay. Dave, you want names or the whiskey level thing, the adjective? I happen to read out some names here. Okay. Great. You just did a lot of reading there. Appreciate that. I think you're going to know. I really like reading out the names.

All of a sudden I'm sweating. Well, we can swap halfway if you'd like. All right, let's see. If you tell me if you think I need help. Yeah, I think you need help, mate. I've been telling you that for a few years. I'm just going to empty my head. Yeah, that was quick. And my bladder and

and we'll piss on a dog piss on a dog. And I'm ready to go. All right. So you're going to do the criminal after me or before me? After. Yeah, OK. So we're going to do it in chronological order. Like the whiskey robber. Yeah. Yeah. So I read out from, first of all, I'd like to thank, from Norwich. Aha.

I would like to thank Meg Baes. Walking stick. Robber. She's that good. That is good. The walking stick robber. Do we talk about what they've done? What do you think? What do you reckon? Oh, OK. Do you think it's like part of a disguise?

Or they use that as a weapon or- I think that they're stealing walking sticks. Oh, stealing walking sticks. Yeah, correct. Right, there you go. I mean if you keep going you eventually find one of those cool ones that's got like a sword or something or like a shot. Or a mirror and you go, oh, maybe it's a good thing I took it off this perv. I'll say Meg also contacted me via the DMs on Patreon because she'd slipped through the cracks. And if anyone has and Meg was so polite about and said, I would normally never do it. I'm British. This is making me feel I'm from Norwich. I'm like, I don't know if that's I've got that too.

Yeah. Oh, I feel the same way. So that's why I'm saying please feel no pause to get in contact in the Patreon DMs if you think you might have been skipped. Yes. Yeah, yeah, please. We will. It's I mean, if you go like, oh, you toilet, you've skipped me, you dog. I'll kill you. Like, that's a bit like that's a bit far.

But if you just say, hi, I think I've been skipped, that's absolutely fine. I'm all right back. Shut your lid, toilet. Oh, gut you, dog. And I will say, no worries, we'll get to you on the next episode. And I will say, if you do reference any of these things that Jess just said in that thing, I will not recall it. And just, he will be upset. Or I'll be-

And he'll take it out on me. I'll be excited. We've got an order of response on most of our it out on me. I'll be excited. We've got an order of response on most of our things that just says, I do not recall. We should have that. I do not recall. I do not recall. Have a good day. So, we recorded that seven minutes ago. I do not recall.

Meg Bayes, Walking Stick Robber, thank you so much. Appreciate your support. Okay. Now from San Jose in California, IA, it's Sarah B. The Bucket Hat. Rubber. OK, this time I'm thinking the bucket hat rubber is wearing a bucket hat. Yeah. But it's so big that, like, it's covering their whole head so no one knows what, sorry, what Sarah B looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just got holes cut out.

Yeah. It's a literal bucket. It's a bucket. Yeah, yeah. She's a Ned Kelly style. Yes. An American version of- With a plastic bucket. It's a bucket. Yeah. She's a Ned Kelly star. Yes. An American version of- With a plastic bucket. Yeah, plastic and mass produced. Beautiful.

With holes. Thank you so much, Sarah B. I would like to thank, from Queenstown in Tasmania, beautiful part of the world, this is Moss Lover Iris. Oh, that's nice. Ooh. The chicken egg.

Robber. Really? I think, Dave, you might need to not take over from me, but maybe nice. Oh, the chicken egg. Robber. Really? I think, Dave, you might need to not take over from me, but maybe Jess. What? I think she might be running out of steam. What do you mean? No, I think you're doing a great job. I'm doing my job.

But I should do something different because it just, we'll share that. So maybe I'll swap with Matt and then you can keep doing what you're doing. Okay, great. Well, next up, I'd love to say- So we must love Iris. We've got to say the chicken egg robber. Yes. Come on, Dave, that one's self-explanatory, right?

Stealing chicken eggs? No, they are a chicken egg! God, Dave. Oh, one of those costumes where it's like an egg with a- No, Dave, it's not a costume! It's an egg! It's not a lifestyle choice! It's gone rogue!

I think, and that's why they love Moss, they're a rolling egg, which is so brutal because they catch no moss. And they're a moss lover. Yeah, so that is actually brutal. But they just like being near it. They don't want to catch it. Sorry, moss lover.

Our next like to thank from location unknown to us has not been provided. We can only assume they are deep, deep, deep within the fortress of the moles. And thank you to Rachel Guy. The canister. Thief. Oh, that's good.

Where'd that come from? I was just trying to have some fun. The canister thief. I get in trouble for having fun. Canister. What's a canister? Like a thing to put stuff in. Okay.

Taking canisters? Taking canisters. Or are they using canisters? No, they are a canister. Like a thing to put stuff in. OK. Taking canisters? Taking canisters. Or are they using canisters? No, they are a canister. Oh, OK. No, they're stealing canisters. From? From Fred's storage world. Oh, not Fred. Fred. That shit's expensive. He's already in hard times.

Yeah, yeah. He's just at the double mortgages home. Yeah, it's quite similar to Howard's storage world, but it's his brother Fred. All right. Did they used to be together that were just storage world? He's with Fred and Howard. storage world, but it's his brother, Fred. All right. Did they used to be together that were just storage world? He's with Fred and Howard. Fred's the good one too. Yeah. Howard's a real piece of shit.

Howard's a dog. But yeah, that place is expensive. So, yeah, it's actually worth quite a lot what they're stealing. Oh, great job, Guy. The canister thief. All right. Do you want to let Matt read some names? Is that what you want to do, Matt?

From Manchester in Moe. Moe. What's their Moe in the United States? It is Rebecca Theoman. Let me tell you, I'll look at it right now. It is Missouri. And the name was, sorry, I spoke over it. Let's give her. Rebecca Theoman.

The. The bulldozer. Robber. She's back. She literally is back. I really,zer. Robber. She's back. Great. She literally is back. Oh, really? I got Rachel Guy. I did my best for you, Rachel Guy.

You got Thief. But everyone else, I'm so sorry that Jess is phoning it in this week. The bulldozer. You've been waiting. You've been waiting months for your shout out. I'm so sorry that Jess is doing this. And wait, you go on some of the most dogshit riffs. I get edited out, I'm sure of it.

And we're supposed to follow you on them. And I'm having a, I'm doing a little bit and I'm getting abused. But I'm going to ask the bulldozer. What do you mean you've been abused? I'm fucking believing. What do you mean, abused? Don't even talk to me right now. Let me defuse the situation by asking bulldozer, thieving bulldozers or using the

bulldozer to like ram shit. Yeah, ramming shit. That's fucking cool. But it's funny because they're actually ramming other bulldozers and then stealing that bulldozers or using the bulldozer to like ram shit. Yeah, ramming shit. That's fucking cool. But it's funny because they're actually ramming other bulldozers and then stealing that bulldozer. They're like towing bulldozers. Oh, one from one. Oh, it's a big chain.

Yeah. Oh, like a conga line of bulldozing. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. See, that's fun. See, she's having fun, Matt. Oh no, we're all having fun. I'm not having fun. Was it you, Dave, or was it Jess who did the Kill Dozer bonus episode a few years ago?

Dave, yes, I did the Killdozer bonus episode a few years ago? Dave, yes, I did the Killdozer, which is often requested because not everyone knows the list of Patreon bonus episodes, but if you want to hear the story of the Killdozer, which is still for me one of the most wild things I've ever come across. Yes. A disgruntled man in America decided to destroy half his town by bulletproofing a bulldozer and just going on a rampage and just like bulldozing stuff. Wild story.

Absolutely wild. So yeah, if you want to hear that, that is a Patreon bonus episode that you'll hear right away soon as you unlock those. What is yours? You gotta press play, it doesn't just automatically. Yeah, it's just beaming into your brain. You might have to search for it and then hit play, but you know, it's like two steps. It's pretty easy.

Yeah, so like, oh, do you need Dave to hold your hand? Yeah. Fucking hell. You're hungry, aren't you? I will happily hold your hand. It's showing. I like to hold hands. I'm just trying to do a riff, Jess, and you're not supporting me.

Fine. I'm going to read out the next name from Joville in Somerset. It's Charlotte Thompson, who is the- Sorry, the- Donkey. Uh. Robber. You know what I want? I'm glad you said that because I went to Fiddler.

I went to Fucker. The Donkey Fucker. Just working your way through the options. See, Charlotte Thompson, we- Honestly, we gave you the best one there. We gave you the best option. You could have been the Donkey Fiddler, the Donkey fucker. Working your way through the options. See Charlotte Thompson, honestly we gave you the best one. We gave you the best option. You could have been the donkey fiddler, the donkey fucker. Donkey fiddler.

The donkey robber. I've been to Yo-Ville. Went and saw a game. Yo-Ville played Portsmouth at the Yo-Ville. Beautiful. Yo-Ville O-Ville? Yo-Ville O-Ville. Could have been.

She's back. I never left. He just stopped loving me. Come on, love her again. Give her some love. It's so good to have that lovable Jess back because that last one, whoever that was here, eww. Urksome.

Right, I'm moving on from Cape Town in South Africa. Great to have you on board. Go Southern Hemisphere, Stefano Menegaldo. Oh, beautiful name. Lovely name, Stefano. Thank you so much. The magic. Is that, would that work? I guess.

Is that like whiskey? Or magician. The magician murderer. Whoa. Oh my God. Watch out David Copperfield. They're on the loose. Now, killing murderers, magician, murdering or murdering magicians?

Murdering magicians. It's got to be said in Vegas this one. Yes. Everyone's a suspect. Stefano the story. Yes. Killing murderers, magician, murdering or murdering magicians. Murdering magicians. Yeah, that's got to be said in Vegas this one. Yeah. Everyone's a suspect.

Yes. From South Coogee in New South Wales in Australia, please and thank you to Loo Goo. Loo Goo. Loo Goo is- Loo Goo, Loo Goo. That is one of the great names. From Coogee. Loo Goo from Coo is one of the great names. From Coogee.

Lugu from Coo, Coogee. Anyway. Um, look, okay. I'll say it first. The aquarium. That was your. That was your. Yeah.

I'll say it first. Yeah. All right. I'm sorry. I'll take this one. I don't know if it was actually up to me. I mean, I read the name. Jess is doing Robber every time.

Who do you think it was up to? Here we go. What about this? The robber. Robber. Oh! That's freaking me out, what does that mean? Robbing robbers.

Oh, yeah. Wait for the robber to leave the bank as they run out. And they go. Yeah, what's this called again? Where you fucking, yeah. Clothesline them. Clothesline them and then take their money. And you say, I'll be having that.

Yeah. And then you walk off real cool. That's great. And they get arrested too. So they can't even come after you. That's classic. Like that does happen in some classic movies where there's keeps being switches. You know, you got two spies or something. Thank you.

Yes. That's good. I love the rubber robot. All right. Please. I love the rubber robot. Hey, is this Shuggy? Mr. Robber Rubber. Finally from, oh my God, Home of the Weeks here, I think. Knoxfield, Tennessee.

Oh my God, the Weeks here are beautiful. Thank you so much to Krasana Karl. Okay, Krasana Karl is the... I'll take this one. Carl. Okay, Chris on a call is the. I'll take this one. The the silver. Fox. Oh, that's a good name. Oh, yeah. Because last week, the silver fox was a cop this week.

A robber. Taking it back. Dave's taking it back. I'm reclaiming the title. Yeah, that's right. They took out our silver fox. Criminals. Exactly, they took out our silver fox. Well, that leaves us just with the Triptych Club as Dave's teacher incorrectly taught us all indirectly. Sorry about that. I love Yosemite.

Oh, Yosemite. On my toast. Sorry about that. But I love Yosemite. Oh, Yosemite. Oh, so beautiful. On my toast. And I... Florida Quays. One who just introduced two into the triptych club this week. If you don't know what a triptych club is. They actually do spell it keys. I'm so sorry.

Oh, they spell it keys. They are key words. Okay, there's other Quays, all right? So, we're so close and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my we're so close and I feel like I'm losing my mind in a good way.

And the, yeah, the triptych club, it's the theatre of the mind. If you are on the shout out level or above for three straight years, you get welcomed in. You're not allowed to leave, but you wouldn't want to even if you wanted to. It's everything you want it to be. There's an ice hockey table. There is a kitchen. There's a bath. There's couches.

There's music. Dave books a band. Jess has apparently made peace with the fact that I'm putting ice on her air hockey table. In what universe have I made peace with it? It's just that Nathan Damon said I had to share. OK. But I'm pretty fucking upset about it, actually. OK, well, I thought we'd meet in a middle ground.

You thought you and I, our relationship was good. You thought you and I, in a good place. All good. What? I thought we were in the good place. No. So, Dave, you've booked a band for the after party? You're never going to believe it, team.

You will not read about this. This whole episode was about a bank robin ice hockey player. Yeah. We're headlining the club tonight. We've got Hockey Dad. No way. Australian band. There you go. Hockey Dad.

Hockey Dad. Yep. And Jess, you normally have a cocktail that's sort of got something to do with the topic at hand? Well, yeah, I do. It's brandy and also some Hungarian food. Ooh, sausage? Sausage, chicken, paprikash and goulash soup.

It's very good. Oh, no. What kind of temperature are you serving the goulash? I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Oh, no. What kind of temperature are you serving the goulash? I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Oh, no. What happened? It's too hot. Oh, God. It's really fucking hot. Oh, no. Oh, no. Jason.

I'm going to have to leave it out for a bit, and then it's going to get that weird film over the top of it, you know. But it's the only... Otherwise, we'll have a lawsuit on our hands. And I don't think our public liability is going to cover us anymore. No. But I think once people step into the triptych club, it is technically its own territory. Yes. And he can't leave to sue us. Yeah.

Yeah. We don't have lawyers. So that's one of our laws is no lawyers. Soaps up. Enjoy. So Dave's on stage. He's the MC. Jess is hyping him up.

She's got her hand on his ass Which is weird because this is theater of the mind, but and I'm weird. I'm a bit too. I think it's quite nice Well, I really matters more what Dave. Okay, Dave. What do you think of it? My best joke so funny didn't get enough. It got quite a bit. Shay, what are you talking about? I loved it. What do you want me to have another breakdown of a Brad Piss? I loved it more and that's the problem.

There's two people coming in. I'm about to read out the name. Dave will hop you up and then Jess will hop Dave up. Please welcome into the club. Make them very welcome. make some noise from Sacramento and California, it's Suzy Darrow. On the straight and narrow with Suzy Darrow! Welcome in Sacramento Suze, as Lexi dubbed her many episodes ago on Who Knew It, and

from Burton on Trent from Great Britain. Please welcome in Katie May. Where there's a will, there's a Katie Mae. Yay! Bow bow bow bow! Katie and Suzie, please make yourselves at home. Fantastic names. Katie and Suzie? Katie and Suzie.

I like them too. Love it. I still think name of the day is Lugu, but... Agreed. Please, everyone who's already in the club, enjoy some soup, have some brandy, enjoy some Hungarian sausage. I'd wait on the goulash.

Jess, is there anything we need to tell people before we go? If they want to, they can suggest a topic. Anybody can. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, which is dogoonepod.com, where you can find info about all of our other podcasts and live shows and merch and all sorts of fun stuff over there. And you can find us, like we said at the start of the episode on social media at do go on

pod or do go on podcast on TikTok. Dave, boot this baby. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, also, thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye.