Do Go On - 62 - The Wives of King Henry VIII

Episode Date: December 28, 2016

Dave reports on the many marriages of King Henry VIII, a man so determined to have a son that he literally changes his whole country's religion to allow him to remarry. Some wives will be divorced and... shunned; others will not be as lucky and lose their heads. So does he ever get a son? And if not, it's not like his daughters could ever become Queen... or could they? Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: dogoonpod@gmail.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.
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Starting point is 00:01:23 You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Hello and welcome to DoGoOn. My name is Dave Warnicki and I'm here with the lovely Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello, lovelies. The lovelies was mostly for me. No, I thought that at first but then he said hello. Lovelies. I know that really cleared it up. But otherwise, I was definitely going to go for that and be like, no, I'm lovelie, Matt's dumb. I reckon in Dave's head, he realized that he realized his error. Mm-hmm. So I'm one of the best. He fixed it. That's how fast he works. Yeah, yeah. He's quick. He doesn't, he makes a mistaken fix
Starting point is 00:02:22 is it mid word? Yeah. He doesn't even wait for the sentence to be out. I edit it. He's quick. He makes a mistake and fixes it, mid word. Yeah. He doesn't even wait for the sentence to be out. I edit it. He's always editing. I've heard him change words like you'll be like, what a funny, deal, delicious chicken roll I'm eating.
Starting point is 00:02:37 Yeah. And like, I mean bad example, but he does it well. Well look, that was me trying to do him. Yeah, and you can't do it because he's got such a small touch. Can you imitate the best? God no, we'd never want to. Didn't I think so.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Got the golden tonsils and he's got the twinkle toes. He's quick, he's quick on his feet. Our little baby boy. Thank you, my beautiful soft feet. Yes, very soft feet. Do you see the photo I tweeted out of my toe? Yes. From the from stamping Christmas cards for our Patreon listeners,
Starting point is 00:03:04 it was still blue. I did see that. 36 hours afterwards. I had watched my feed but did you appreciate us? One tweeted in, it's like a baby's foot. I thought no no, it's like a baby's bottom. Okay. Bottom of that foot. See? I need you. You thought I had put a full stop there but it was actually a comma in hindsight. Oh, it's so good. Uncite comma. No, many can pull those off. No, I know I can't.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Yeah, the Oxford comma, the hindsight comma. I know I'm old. I do know I'm old. Name another one. Just the two. Just the two. Stand the comma. Well, that one was right there to be taken, wasn't it?
Starting point is 00:03:43 Thank you. How the standard differ from Oxford? Oxford's the one after the and, I think. Then Oxford, comma. Oxford, comma, I think it's where it's not fully required, because the and is doing that same job. I believe it is, you see, you have three words. You're making a list.
Starting point is 00:03:59 And the one after. You're checking afterwards. The one that becomes before and. So Matt, Jess and Dave, and Oxford Comma is Matt, Comma, Jess, Comma and Dave. Wait, what did I say? Just say it the wrong way around. Oh my gosh, it's like confusing, I hate this conversation. Before the end. Yes, not after the end. I wanted to end, sorry, I don't like this. Sorry Oxford if you're listening. We're just a comedy podcast.
Starting point is 00:04:21 Which is why I prefer the hindsight comma. Yeah. Good call. Good call. Interesting. Okay, well now we've got that out of the way. It's just been Christmas. Do we have a great Christmas? How the best Christmas ever.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Best one ever. I ate the peas just as promised and they were real good. Real good peas. Yeah. Mm. Did you get the gravy on the peas? Was the ratio was fine? Oh, no, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Swimming in gravy. Yeah. That's how I make gravy. Did you get the gravy on the piece? Was the ratio was fine? Oh, no, yeah. Swimming in gravy. Yeah. That's how I make gravy. Any uh... Lots, big amounts. You don't do anything by half. No, I double.
Starting point is 00:04:56 I do a double. I double and doubling gravy. Servings. Regret on his face. Just any great presence that you received? Well, I did get some lovely presence my but I had a great time giving presence this year Oh, so in my family for the first time normally real chore big chore My family we we make it a bit of a game so like just just my immediate family my parents and my brother and his wife um I'm really excited to hear what
Starting point is 00:05:28 the game is. Well Christmas Eve is like our time that we have dinner and we open presents and stuff but we like our parents especially don't want us to spend a lot of money so we've done it in different ways in the past what we're doing at the moment is you can only spend 20 bucks on each person so you're not getting like huge presents we tend to just buy like funny little things. My mum's good, she'll buy like useful things. Whereas my brother and I especially for each other will just go for like bullshit gifts. Oh what kind of things? Last year I gave him a scooter, like a children's scooter that had the Avengers on it. I wanted to get him one that had frozen all the frozen characters on it but they were sold out. So he had to have
Starting point is 00:06:02 the Avengers. It was like for, I think the white limit was 50 kilos. Oh, and your brother famously weighs 49. So he's five. He's a very small one. He's more than me. Why, what are you, your 50? Low 50s. Low 50s, low 50s.
Starting point is 00:06:16 So you couldn't even write it. No, no, my comedy weight is 52, but I may have put on a couple of kilos since I might be 54 now, but I'm thinking about the comedy weight. 52 sounds funny, doesn't it? It does. And you've got a line about weighing the same as the power tilt, not the way.
Starting point is 00:06:36 I don't know, I don't have a line but I had that game in my fact effect quiz show called Dave's weight game. We just guess if people are the same heavier or lighter than I am. I'm like a thousand DVDs lighter. You're lighter than a thousand DVDs. Paris Hilton? Yeah. Same as me. Same. That's what you're thinking man. Gwen Stefani? Same. Wow. Hey good for you. Danny DeVito. More. More even though he's like a foot shorter than I am. Yeah, but... But come on.
Starting point is 00:07:06 It's a foot wider too. He actually is. He's actually one square foot. He's a foot higher than a foot wide. Wow, I can see him. He's made a solid gold. He's worth millions. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:07:18 He is amazing. The first Emmy was actually cast from him. It's one of his lambs. Shaped. He's got. Limes. Shaped. Shaped. Shaped into the whatever statue the Emmy looks like. What is that for me? Which one is the Emmy?
Starting point is 00:07:32 Is that the one with the globe? No. Is that the golden globe? Yeah. I think the Emmy is the atom one. No, you're thinking of the Logis. It's just a person. It's the way it looks like Gumby.
Starting point is 00:07:44 It looks like Gumby. Gumby gonna be like a loggie. It looks like Gumby. Gumby's been walked into a vat of hot gold. Hot gold. Hot gold. Just like what we're doing here. Yep. And then it melted and dried on him.
Starting point is 00:07:56 No. It is gonna be hot today. It's not too hot in the studio yet. We're doing well, I think. It's a hot, it's been a hot Christmas. Yeah, the Emmys are the, to pick a winged woman holding an atom. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's one I think that's very DeVito and actually says here that Danny DeVito is it was his right leg. Oh, they got the cast a Sunday cool
Starting point is 00:08:15 There you go. It'd been trivia. Stride. We have a right leg as a cube. Oh That's DeVito. Hey, but I mean anything buy it. I'm a bit offended for daddy's, but I didn't mean anything to buy it. I'm a bit offended for a daddy's behalf. I didn't mean anything but I was just I actually protect his estate Really I'm a lawyer and he's dead Neither of those things are right. Yeah, well This my report is going to be a lot of great. Oh, yeah, we're doing a report I did you have anything else to say about your brother's praise? Oh, just that this year I bought him a helicopter hat So we're doing it well. What does that mean? It just goes,
Starting point is 00:08:46 No, there's like colorful hats that like especially cartoon characters wear, that has a little propeller on top. I think I had one as a child. Yeah, I bought him that. I had a picture of Deena from the Flintstones, and I said, Deek, it's my name, Star Twin. Oh. Deek, so does Danny DeVito, but the comparisons do it.
Starting point is 00:09:01 My brother's name does not, so it's disappointing. But this hat didn't have a letter on it. I'm sure the gift was well received. Was that within the $20 budget? Yes. How much change? Under. So I had to buy my second present as well.
Starting point is 00:09:12 You have to get exactly $20. Oh, I like to. What have you had? 10 cents left for that? One year we had to show receipts. That was real fun. That does not sound fun. No, no, no, no, because it was like the get,
Starting point is 00:09:21 because that time we could only spend $10. You could go into one shop, and you had $50 to spend, and you had to get a present for each person. There were five people in the same shop same shop You had to go into one shop spend 50 bucks you don't know where would you go? It was real fun. I've got a JB half five. Oh, interesting. Oh, so you can pick the shop So yeah, yeah, yeah, but what do you gonna get for 10 bucks? Bargain been CDs and do it is yeah good one or I'd go to it like a Big it is and do it is. Yeah, good one. Good one. Or I'd go to it like a big alcohol shop. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Get like a nice beer. You know, you can get quite a nice single beer for 10 bucks. Yeah, it's like an exotic one. Yeah. And you can get a pretty shit wine for that bus also. So what would you like good beer? You can get an okay wine for that much, maybe. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Yeah, drinkable. Drinkable. It's not gonna be. I mean, in the end, isn't that all you want? Yeah. I can't tell the difference. Drinks are for drinking. What else do you want to do with your liquid?
Starting point is 00:10:12 My housemate sometimes, because she works in a very fancy restaurant, and sometimes if they have, like, if customers have bought a bottle of wine, haven't finished it, they can't really do much with it, so Debble bring it home. And sometimes there's some very nice wine in my fridge, and I had a reasling last night. I was like, yeah, this is nice, but I don't know if I, I don't know if it was fancy. I don't know if I could tell the difference between that and a
Starting point is 00:10:31 cheap one. Are you stealing this wine? No. And how about a... That's fun. Well, and when you were talking about the Christmas Order to game that you had, where you have to show the receipts. That was just one time. We don't have to do that now. That sounds crazy. Because That was just one time, we don't have to do that now. That sounds crazy. Because it was just because my... Hold on, was that to prove that you'd spent a lot or did you go under? No, that you'd made the $50, that was just that year.
Starting point is 00:10:54 We haven't done that since, that was just one time. Wacky world of just Perkins. Wacky world. Perkins family. You mentioned visiting that world for a day or two. Oh, it's a lonely place. It's weed inside my head, but that's okay. Is it? The Perkins family. The main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main, the main That's nice. What do you picture my brain is like? Just like rainbows? Oh! Sunshine? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:26 That's nice. Bean bags. Bean bags. Oh, it'll become free. Oh, you got to, you can kick back in there for sure. Oh, I've been here. Bean bags. I've just recently discovered that they are a horrible fire hazard.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Yeah, they go up like racing. I've had that first hand. Little boss. Oh, no, did you set one on fire? I, well, I was testing all the furniture in my house hand. Little boss. Oh no, did you set one on fire? I, well I was testing all the furniture in my house. You got it. You got it.
Starting point is 00:11:49 For safety, Matt. Yeah, you do, you have to. If that's what you're asking me. Have you said all your furniture on fire? Ah, yeah, because I have to. Yeah. It's part of the rules. Safety, safety first.
Starting point is 00:11:58 It's annoying because every time you get a new bean bag, you have to test it. I haven't had a bean bag that's lasted more than a day. Yeah. I've been getting, I've had 300 odd this year already Yeah, wow 360 odd ish. Mm-hmm. No There we go. Hey, I was just thinking you know how sometimes every episode will have new listeners right what a weird Place to start for them the first few minutes of us just talking absolute garbage. I saw this topping
Starting point is 00:12:24 They thought I want to hear about that and then I talked about Daddy Davido's right leg. Well last week somebody did tweet to us 20 minutes in and David Maddiv only just learned the topic. So we should probably just get to the topic. Alright let's get to the topic guys. This is a very important announcement. Oh no. So thank you. Before I get the question, I will actually thank who has sent this in. Okay. Because I'm finally picking a topic that Christian Smith has sent us on email. Oh, he sent in quite a few. Quite a few topics, including this topic in particular. He's sending about ten at this time. The subject was, bring me the head of Dave W. Oh, I remember that email. Because at the time he thought the week before,
Starting point is 00:13:06 when I announced, oh, I've picked someone, someone from the hat he assumed I'd picked his topic. And then when I had it, he was very upset and he wanted to murder me. I love that assumption. It's gotta be me, must be me. There's a lot of topics in my hat. There's hundreds in there.
Starting point is 00:13:19 I think he's probably a little bit facetious. Because I think Christian probably has a pretty good sense of human. I choose to read Christian's word. Very little word. Yeah, word for word. I was actually scared for my mother. He came, don't remember when he came.
Starting point is 00:13:32 It was sh- it was chryverin. He was shaking, that's true. He was shaking, yeah. And even at the time I said, I think he might be having a bit of a joke, but we still got the restraining order just to be said. Yeah, I think even though this man lives in Scotland. But you gotta be careful. You gotta be careful.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Christian, I'll admit it, I was very glad when you wrote back and said, I lives in Scotland, but you got to be careful. You got to be careful. It's got to be less Scottish people. Christian, I'll admit it, I was very glad when you wrote back and said, I live in Scotland, I thought, I'm safe. I'm safe. They're in Glasgow, aren't they? I believe. They are. I hope that is true.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Glasgow, famously rough city. Yeah, that's right. The Glasgow kids. Oh, yeah. The Glasgow kids. This is a headbutt. That's fucking fantastic. So Christian, this is a head part. This is fucking fantastic. So Christian, this one's for you.
Starting point is 00:14:08 Hopefully you'll also be wondering what type of gun picking because you submitted about 30. No, I won't be wondering. It'll be in the title. Oh yeah. It's in the title of the show. Don't look at the title of Christian. Okay, tell him that Tim is in.
Starting point is 00:14:20 Christian, jump with the time machine. Danny DeVito's left leg. Back you go. Why is Danny DeVita's leg in there? How do you think they make time machines, Matt? Oh my goodness. Leave it to the scientists, right? We're just just an eye. I thought you were a lawyer.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Look, I've been to Univai Hall live. Wow. All right, all right. Check that. Thank you. So, which of Christian's topics are we talking about? My question is, who has been married more times than Kim Kardashian, but less times than Elizabeth Taylor? Who's that?
Starting point is 00:14:53 There's something quite a few people. Kim Kardashian has been married twice? Three times. Really? Kim Kardashian. Kanye West. Chris Humphries. And then who was the other guy?
Starting point is 00:15:04 Was it the wall? Is it Ray Jay? No, Yeah. Chris Humphries. And then who was the other guy? Was it the wall? Is it Ray J? No, that's Chris Humphries. Is it Ray J? The one that you made the porn in with? You can call me Ray.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Oh, you can call me J. I don't know if it's Simpsons. Is that a real thing? I don't know. Is it the Simpsons? Is it a real thing? I don't know if it's Taylor. How many times have you been married?
Starting point is 00:15:23 Nine times, I think. Eight marriages. You're always nearly there, not quite. Is the assumptions is a real thing and Elizabeth Taylor have in times I'm sure you're not yet eight eight marriages you're always you're always nearly there but not quite I'm I'm but I feel like that's just Matt isn't it you're always one almost I'm an I'm okay it's everything good yeah you know you're a jack of all trades my she's just look this up because I know that our demographic is really into Kim Kardashian so I don't want them screaming at the podcast. We've got Kim Kardashian did make the sex tape with boyfriend Ray Jay.
Starting point is 00:15:48 Yeah, I didn't think she's married. But she was married to Damon Thomas for four years. Probably Damon. Damon Thomas. She's like 35. That's a lot of marriages early on. You can fit him in if you want to. That's true. The first one was 20. If you wanted to, you could have been made four times by now.
Starting point is 00:16:05 What? Easily. Easily. You kidding me? I mean, yeah, if I accepted all those proponents. Exactly. At least Kim says yes to opportunities. You've got to open a sofa. I'm a man. I'm a man. You're so far.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Keep blocking myself out. Yeah, open up, Matt. All right, Jess. I will from now on accept all proposals of marriage that are forwarded to me. Excellent. Please tweet that. Hold on, Matt. I'll sue and escort art. You're gonna have a few weddings by the time you're 35 champ.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Alright, great. I want to break Kim's record. So more than Kim, less than the other person. How many times was that old King married? That's what I was thinking was the King, but which one was it? King Henry the Eighth? Henry the Eighth? Henry the Eighth? I kinda believe you got the topic from that.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Yeah, because he was made heaps. Do you guys know how many times it's between three and eight? I reckon it was like six. Six or seven. Are you going with six or seven? No, because we're you just saying seven because I said six and you wanted to have a point of difference,
Starting point is 00:17:01 because I think we could stand together united on six if you want. Okay, just one. Just reading difference because I think we could stand together united on six, if you want. Okay. Just one. Just reading Dave, I think it's seven. I say six. So six from Jess, mate, you're looking in. No, I'm gonna stand with Jess and doubt my reading.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Yeah, I'm now thinking maybe it's five. But let's just say six. Six or seven are I can. Six. It's gonna be five. It's six. Yay! I can't read him like I thought I could. Everyone gets a point especially Christian. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was so we sounded so uninfusious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:35 I'm not mean why we don't have a Christian. You get a point. You know he's competing with it. Well, I don't see you when the opposition get a point now. We're all on each point. Oh, I see your bad spot. No, I'm a good competitor. Interesting. Oh, that's a good way of looking at it. Well, I don't see you in the opposition, get a point now, we're all on each point. Oh, so you're a bad sport. No, I'm a good competitor. Interesting. Oh, that's a good way of looking at it. He's a good way of looking at it. I'm like a spinner. I can spin anything.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Give me a thing, I'll spin it. That bottle. I genuinely fucked it. Oh, hey, okay. I'm gonna spin off the table, but that's okay. So I'm gonna do the six wives of King Henry the A. You're gonna do them, Jesus, Dave, they've been rotting corpses by now. They've been a long time, Dad. They've all been dead for five years.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Oh, yucky! I'm gonna have probably even got through their rotting period. Yeah, they're just... What are you gonna do? Fuck their tailbone. So how do you do also Dave like Yuck come on mate, but just you could just talk about them in your report. You don't have to go do them Well, Dave honestly, I'm a matter of word. I'm gonna do it. David's not too late. It's sometimes a reconsider I think it is I've already done to
Starting point is 00:18:43 What do you call it when you're fucked dead people? Necrophilia. Yeah, I see. Quick to wait for that. Yes. I should have just paused and pretended I shouldn't have. Should have gone. I don't know, I've never heard that before.
Starting point is 00:18:53 It's one of the, I think it starts with N, I don't know. Does it change once they become skeletons? They're basically a polyboins. Polybones. Bones of filial. Although, doing him would be like doing a pile of bones anyway. Hey, stay out of my way.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Push. Yes, why are you in his touch? Just out of that effort. Hands where I can see them, please, Miss Ferkens. Speaking of bones, Jess has got some sore ones. Yeah. So we do a Jess helper, a pile of bones. Jess, got some sore ones. Yeah. So we do a Jess helper for a bot?
Starting point is 00:19:27 We can just do it. Well, I'll just do a quick one. Oh, great. And then we'll get into the bot Christian. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. No, I think Christian would care. He does. So I had this cough for like six weeks now.
Starting point is 00:19:38 I'm doctors think it's actually asthma, as opposed to this. It's a little bit. Say a asthma. No, I was like, I don't really have asthma, but it's just got a bit of a cough thing. It's an allergy thing. Now they're like, no, we think you actually legitimately have developed asthma now. So that's fun.
Starting point is 00:19:52 And also because I've been coughing so much, I've may have cracked a rib. So I'm in quite a lot of pain. I actually don't know. So laughing and coughing, it's gonna be such a good knee. It's a great start. I can't wait. I can't wait to hang out with my friends.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Big drunken hugs. Oh, crack. No, no good. Anyway, so that's that health update. We're glad you're alive. Well, for now. But we don't know. For now, we're glad you're alive.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Yeah. Once I start coughing, it's like, ugh. Yeah. The gladness is draining from my body. It's a bit like I'm here, seeing the film The Beach. Yes. Where the guy gets attacked by a shark and eventually they're like, they get sick of him groaning so they just leave him in the forest.
Starting point is 00:20:33 So rumored to that. Actually, I was thinking of beaches. You're like, you're just like, you're just like, you're just like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're I don't know, it lets through that woman that got attacked by a shark into the forest and said, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Starting point is 00:20:45 Under the borderline. Shut up! Really, they just got sick of me in my gym. They just stopped, mate, wake him here for paradise and your bloody talking about a legs bleeding. Fucking hell. And they just leave in there. Yeah, pretty sure. Hey, let's support.
Starting point is 00:20:59 I've got such long reports. I know. Yeah, sorry. 3,600 words. No, bully. Alright. I don't know about that man. Gold. Well, he's a normally at least 4,000. Yeah, sorry. 3,600 words. No, bully. All right. I know how that means. Well, he's a normally at least 4,000. Yeah, within my within my mind, I sit around the 2,000. Yeah, I'm the I like. And then I have
Starting point is 00:21:13 room for riffin. You've got to have the riffin. I'm within 10% of my target. So the word limit. Remember, you need to be within 10% either way. I do remember. I've done all the degrees. Remember. So of course, yeah. Born on the 28th of June 1491 at the Palace of Placentia. What year was that, sorry Dave? 1491.
Starting point is 00:21:35 A good year. A good year. I don't even mention that, because I wanted to say, Placentia. Placentia, the Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia,
Starting point is 00:21:43 Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placent, Placentia, Placentia, Placent, Placentia, Placent, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, Placentia, the pool center petlis. Wait, speaking of Gucci. We're all we're just talking about getting on track. Speaking of Gucci, Akrono Hiho, pronounced all-Kron, apparently, in America. Something weird, like that, is tires, or I'm saying about tires, it's because it's the home of Gucci at times. There we go.
Starting point is 00:21:59 The home. The home of it. So they're from. Wow. And also. I was at the other big tie brand. Half a fuck's egg. What And also. I was at the other big tie brand. Half a fuck's egg. What figure was good, you?
Starting point is 00:22:08 What's the other big tie brand? Perrelli, that's like Italian. No, not Perrelli. There's another one. All right, I reckon it was good, you. There's another one. But, bow repairs. Bow repairs.
Starting point is 00:22:17 Yeah, bow repairs. Kamea tie or the one that you've got. Kamea tie or the one that you've got. Kamea tie or the one that you've got. In Ekron or Ekron. I'm sure you're just saying. I'm sure you're just saying. I had a W.
Starting point is 00:22:28 When they spelt it phonetically for me, and it put a W in. And the W's forgotten. Orkron, maybe. Maybe. Were they taking the piss? I thought it's also the home of the black keys. Great. And Ohio also.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Anyway, there's a lot of good stuff in Ohio. Can't wait to visit. Well, great. We're saving up her penny, Tau Hau. Born in 1491 at the Palace of Placentia in Grennitch, London, Henry Tudor was the third child and the second son of King Henry VII and his wife Elizabeth of York. Slots of Elizabeth's. A lot of Elizabeth's, that's right. Of the young Henry VI siblings, only three survived infancy, so himself, his brother Arthur Prince of Wales.
Starting point is 00:23:11 What's Arthur's too? Margaret and Mary. Okay, I was going to try and guess, but yeah, they would have been up there. There are very royal names. Just for historical context, just before this was the War of the Roses. Ah, yes, of course. So Henry VII, who is King Henry VIII's father, he won the throne when his forces defeated King Richard III. Another famous king.
Starting point is 00:23:37 At the Battle of Bosworth Field, which is the combination of the war. So the war of the Rose. Been going for a long time. And whoever won the battle became king. Henry VII was the last king of England to win his throne on the field of battle. The next one is one in the field of hockey. Drames. Drames. I am king. Dramey Drames.
Starting point is 00:24:01 He was the first of the Tudor kings, which is the new dynasty welcomed in after the end of the war. So he's the Henry VII, this is. Young Henry, though, Henry Tudor was given a first-rate education from leading tutors. He became fluent in Latin and French, as well as English. Hello. But that's about all we know about Young Henry, because he was never meant to become King. His older brother Arthur was expected to grow up and become king and Henry was just sort of their backup plan.
Starting point is 00:24:28 But he never grew up, he stayed to his dad young forever. Peter Panstar. He stayed to his old, his whole life. Really weird. And they said not fit to rule. At two. At two. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:24:40 I thought it was rough. He made some good decisions. Yeah. Um, I want to, I want to go potty. Mm- good decisions. Yeah. Um, I wanna go party. Great call. Yes sir, good call. Great decision. What are you saying Mr. King?
Starting point is 00:24:50 And as soon as he went in there, he did a shit. So I mean. Not gonna do that in the floor, are you? Yeah. No. What if you're a king, you can't? Trope. Yeah, Henry was known for it.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Yeah, king must be great. You can just shit anywhere. What other perks are there to be a king? That's mainly it though. Just shit anywhere. No, no, no, you can also shit anywhere. What other perks are that it be a king? That's mainly it. Just shooting anywhere. No, no, you can also piss anywhere. Hello. Really? I'm after the hours of 7 p.m. Okay, until there's a few still I mean Three a.m. Till 7 p.m. the next day. It's actually No, I think that works out to be all any time you like
Starting point is 00:25:24 It's just a real weird loophole. Yeah, it's a tailed cavity really. Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah. I've got to put something on the sign. Can I piece it or hang on? Check the time. Yes, you may. It is before 7pm and after 7pm yesterday.
Starting point is 00:25:34 You can, uh, you can. Very good, sir, as you were. At 7pm. No, no, no, no. That's sick in the day. One minute, once at 7.01. Oh, the whole minute. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Oh, but I'm busting. Well, you could have gone a minute ago or you No, one minute. Once at 701. Oh, the whole minute. Yeah, yeah. Oh, but I'm busting. Well, you could have gone a minute ago or you can wait a minute. 45 on the clock. Or go to the toilet. What are we talking about? Henry VII gave the young Henry, Henry to you to few tasks because he wasn't supposed
Starting point is 00:25:59 to be the king. Young Henry was strictly supervised and did not appear in public. And as a result, the young Henry, I'll keep calling him, because it's confusing the stupid Henry's, would later ascend the throne quote, untrained in the art of kingship. Kingship. Kingship. So you know, they're like sort of like, I imagine stuff like foreign affairs and they tell you about all that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Like when you get, when you're briefed to be the president and that kind of thing, I think that they just didn't, they're like, you don't need to know this way. Is there a presidential training? Yeah, they have to report some stuff. Which apparently Donald Trump is like, I'll read it once a week, rather than get it every day, like every other president does. Oh, that's amazing.
Starting point is 00:26:36 But I like, you know when you start a new job, and you usually have like, maybe a week or so of training, do I have that for, is it like a nice crossover period for kings or, no, because they usually come because somebody died. I think, yeah, but I think the king will, I think they know who's next in line, so they're sort of been groomed for it. Yeah, but not in this case. But not in the, like in a, you're talking about American presidents, you know, like that.
Starting point is 00:27:00 But I think they have a little like Obama had a meeting with Trump to me. There's photos of Trump I'd be so good if Obama's the one that's like just showing him where the like tea and coffee is Yeah, yeah, you can use that it you can make the three of them anytime anytime Anytime, yeah, toilets are just down the hallway there to the left Personally sometimes I like to go the ones on the next level up big about big spirits It meant to be for women only, but I'm a fucking president. I do what I want.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Anyway, presidents are allowed to pee wherever they want. But not poo. Not poo, yes. Of course. Don't patronize our listeners. All right, enough poo. Okay, Henry, well, Henry Tudor, when he grew up, he was a big man six feet tall and reportedly very handsome.
Starting point is 00:27:44 Oh. He enjoyed hunting and playing sports, as well as Well Henry Tudor, when he grew up he was a big man, six feet tall and reportedly very handsome. Oh! He enjoyed hunting and playing sports as well as jousting. He was also an intellectual. He read and wrote English, French and Latin, he wrote poetry. He also played multiple instruments. Hello. So he is. What a babe!
Starting point is 00:27:59 He's put it everything. What a babe fest. It's just not trained to be king. But he's single. He's hot at this stage. Hello. He's single. This is Henry. What a babe fest. It's just not trained to be king. Is he single? He's hot at this stage. How low is single? This is Henry. Henry Tudor, yes.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Man, the photos of him are not attractive. No, but this is him. That is because he lets being able to do anything, get the better of him. Oh no. He's also a thing back then that, or is this a myth that, it's a sign of wealth to be big and fat? Because
Starting point is 00:28:27 I can afford a lot of food. I don't think it was a sign of wealth to look as fat as he became. That was the end he's sort of like bed ridden practically because he's so old. But at this stage, I want to show everyone. I was so jealous of that morbidly obese. Oh you're going to have to imitate both his legs but oh I'm so jealous. But at this stage he's tall. Oh yeah so he's not king yet so he's young. Instruments, speaks many languages, reads, he's smart. Oh yeah. Oh man do you reckon he's got a sense of humour? That's fucking rich. Yeah I think he does. Then he's probably very popular. He's seen his like like a, ooh, he's a cool prince. So he's also that would sort of indicate
Starting point is 00:29:07 that he's got social skills and, oh man, you're talking like Jess's dream man right now. It does sound like a dream, but well, I mean, he sounds like everyone's dream man. Let me have this. Are you on him? Yeah. He's all he is.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Thank you. Now, when? Merry Christmas. It's a mountain that's never too late. You hate, you hate after Christmas. Is it an early that's never too late. You hate after Christmas. This is an early gift. This is dead for you. This can be a deal.
Starting point is 00:29:29 I've got my over it. I'm already looking forward to Christmas 2017. Start tweeting in the stop of your idea. When he was just 15, Henry's older brother, Prince Arthur, married Catherine of Eragon, who was also just 15. She was the youngest surviving child of King Ferdinand II of Aragon in Spain and Queen Isabella I of Castile also in Spain, there's different regions at the time, so on country. They were with very powerful people and was good move to marry the English prince into their family,
Starting point is 00:30:02 so get a bit of a connection between the kingdoms. All was going well until just 20 weeks later, Prince Arthur died of sweating sickness. What? Sweating sickness. Succeeding sickness was a mysterious and highly contagious disease that struck England in later continental Europe in a series of epidemics beginning in 1485,
Starting point is 00:30:25 the last outbreak occurred in 1551, after which the disease apparently vanished. You could have thought of a better name than sweating the sickness around. Apparently you got really, really sweaty. Like, like, like, crazy. You don't say. An unlike being fat, sweating was not a sign of wealth,
Starting point is 00:30:41 even then. Interesting, okay. I'm sweaty. We'll be out, I want to show everyone my sweat. Look at me, glisten. I'm basting in my own sweat. So it's just like a fever, I guess. Fea, ah, a fever.
Starting point is 00:30:53 I'm not saying just a fever, but I'm thinking of what would cause the sweating anyway. Well, they haven't figured it out. It's still a mystery. No, they think that maybe it had to do with just sanitation at the time, because it was pretty gross on the streets. Yuck. Why is Arthur getting it in that? He's a bloody nexin line.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I think it's because of Sokintay just they just pass it around and he gets it. Anyway, young Henry Tudor just tend at the time. Suddenly had all of the royal duties and expectations thrust upon him because the brother that was going to be the king, 15, who's just been married has died married at 15 Henry the seventh so the father of both boys that's how you get so many wives in that You start it's not too late for you Wow early do you reckon you can start well now do you think now well because I'm at like these days Now? Do you think now? Well, because how?
Starting point is 00:31:43 No, I'm at like, these days, 18-ish. What about that? Legally. Then, well, 15, obviously. 15. Or was Arthur maybe a bit of a late bloomer? Well, he waited for the one. You could say that he was a bit of a late bloomer, because both their father Henry VII wanted
Starting point is 00:31:57 to shore up the alliance between him and the Spanish kingdoms, so he offered young Henry, the 10-year-old, to marry his older brother's widow, Catherine of Erragone. 15-year-old. Her parents were keen, of course. And in 1503, a treaty was signed for their marriage, and they were betrothed two days later. But because he was only 11 by this time, they couldn't live together. Okay. Which, you know, like, that might be a better solution to marriage, you know, I'd probably be married to someone that they lived elsewhere Yeah, that's a nice. Yeah great. Come on space. Oh, it's great. You're a legend I'm a The legend you got you got time to play Pokemon. Oh
Starting point is 00:32:39 I had it on the Game Boy Pokemon red. Oh, I had blue nice Did you ever like connect your game? to somebody else's Game Boy in? Battle them. Yeah, or they'd give you or they're really good Pokemon? I had that. I had that. Yeah, so good. Do you have your head of Pokemon?
Starting point is 00:32:54 Yeah, have you heard of that? I don't think you would have. It's not, it's short for Poked, Mone. Dave, do go on! Poked! Pocket monsters, pocket monsters. Okay. That's what I was going to say. And then my brain exploded. As it often does. When he turned 14, this is Henry, the young one.
Starting point is 00:33:13 He rejected the marriage. What? But Catherine of Erragone stayed in England, which is lucky because when Henry VII died in 1509, Henry became King Henry VIII and he decided, oh, I will marry you. So, Mary Catherine of Eragon, properly. Oh wow, okay. And how old is he now? So, he is 18. And he's the King. Yes, because the new King, Henry the eighth, maintained that it was his father's dying wish that he should marry Catherine, so he was like, alright, I'll have a go. I'll do
Starting point is 00:33:40 it. I'll do it. Sounds like love. That's romantic. Catherine's so lucky. She's so lucky. So she's five years old. She's 23. He's 18. He's popular. He's the king. Everyone's like, this is going to be great. She's got an older woman. Great. She's probably driving. She can drink in America. Yeah. The best. Oh, best. She's going to pick up some Budweiser and bring it back to the castle. To the kega. Oh. We're going to have the kega of the castle. To play pong, beer pong. I'm a Sam Harrowian though you so well. Your wife can be your legal guardian, that's great.
Starting point is 00:34:11 How awesome is that? She can accompany you. Teach him to drive. That's good. That's good. Drive a horse. Yeah, teach him to drive a horse. Put the L plate on the back of the horse.
Starting point is 00:34:21 You know how it works. Two days after Henry's coronation, Henry was 18, he arrested his father's two most unpopular ministers, so Richard Emson and Edmund Dudley. They were charged with higher treason and wanted executed shortly thereafter. This was the first time Henry executed someone, but it was certainly not be the last. Oh great. He has not mucked around. So he's like, oh I'm king, yeah. You two, you can fuck off. No, no. Why did he get rid of them? Treason, but like what did he? Treason. Answering
Starting point is 00:34:51 question there. Well I was listening, but I mean like how did he know they were being treasony. Well this is that they were very, they were unpopular with the other people. Most of the time, there's a few people here that I'm going to say we're charged with treason a lot of the time They didn't do that. He just wanted them to go away great. Yeah, he was the first time he did this. It was high on power. Oh, yeah and Keter mean and Keter The big K the horse track classer that he'd taken from the horses. Yeah, well, so he learned how to drive Crazy to learn to drive a horse. You've got to think like a horse and take a horse truck. It's your final test Henry. I'll chuck it up my bum!
Starting point is 00:35:32 He went and after they had successfully passed the test him and the other horses, the horse he fell in with a bad horse grab. Oh no. Then he chopped a couple of people's heads off. I thought I'd know. And then he chopped a couple of people's heads off. As you do. Soon after, there were marriage, Catherine conceives, but the child was still born. Four months later, she was pregnant again and gave birth to a boy.
Starting point is 00:35:55 They called it... Henry! Damn it, dammit. That was Greg. They were... They were out of Prince Greg? Yeah. They were very happy because Henry VIII especially wanted a male heir because at the time the
Starting point is 00:36:10 males, you know, if you have ten daughters and you have your eleventh child as the son, when the king dies, the son jumps the list. So that's why he wants to make sure that their son is going to replace him because like his brother, he could die at any time. That's changed now, hasn't it? Now it's just first but- Yes, yeah they changed it only with Princess Charlotte. Yeah, cool. They were very very happy as a king Henry VIII,
Starting point is 00:36:34 as I said one in a mail-air and he celebrated by holding a jasting tournament. As one does. It's a boy! It's a boy! Let me step someone with a long stick. Sure, cool. However, the celebrations were short lived as the child died just seven weeks later. one does. It's a boy! The boy! Let me stab someone with a long stick! Sure. Cool! However, the celebrations were short lived as the child died just seven weeks later. Ah. The tragedy continued there, because the next two years Catherine had two more stillborn
Starting point is 00:36:55 stillborn children, before having a daughter marry in 1516. What a slap in the face. A girl. Yuck! Ugh. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Not only having a girl, but being a girl. I've tried and I threw up.
Starting point is 00:37:12 I threw up. I threw up. I hit my mouth. It's no good. In my mouth, but I swallowed it because I'm a man. That's right. Henry was still without a son. He's got Mary, but she's not a son.
Starting point is 00:37:24 He's checked. What? Nothing grew. Although, I should say, although he wouldn't know that Mary would go on to become queen and he's nicknamed in history as Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. That's where the drink came from. I run it because their favorite drink was a peanut collard. That's right. Did you enjoy that? And then you enjoyed it when you wrote it didn't you? Yes I did. Enjoy that. Matt didn't enjoy that joke. You don't like peanut collard?
Starting point is 00:37:53 No, yeah, very nice. No, actually I don't. We had one in Meredith and it was no good. No, it was fine for the first, anyway. I had bloody marries in Meredith. And at first I was like, and then they grow on out. Tamanah juices grow. It's so weird.
Starting point is 00:38:09 But she's called Bloody Mary because of her habit of burning Protestants. Cool. So, Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She grew up to be extremely brutal. Great. I'd call her Bernie Mary. Yeah. Bernie Mary.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Fari Mary. Staky Mary. Staky Mary. Staky Mary. Staky Mary. Staky named after her. That'd be good. That'd be good. Henry and Catherine Jalaisonship, Mary's parents, was very good by most accounts, but he had some affairs.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Of course he did. And the most famous and one of the 100% confirmed ones was with a lady called Elizabeth Blount. Blount? But yeah was with a lady called Elizabeth Blount. Blount? But you're a low-unty. Blount. That's an ugly name, Dave. That's an ugly name, Blount.
Starting point is 00:38:51 Blount. Blount. Blount. Blount. Blount. Oh, Yuck. Elizabeth. Blount.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Yes, I'm here, I stopped saying it out loud. Blount. Oh, I'm actually hearing that in the role every moment. Blount. Yuck. Blount. What would you call it, Blounty? Liz, probably. To be honest.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Elizabeth, probably back then. It probably wouldn't be on nicknames. Yeah. Blount, yak. Blount. Sorry, I mean, sorry if anybody's listening. Any blounts out there? Any blounts, but you've got to know,
Starting point is 00:39:20 you've got an unfortunate name. I'm confident the blounts have died out. Surely, I don't know any blounts. I've never met a blount. I've never met a blount. But I haven't know you've got an unfortunate name. I'm confident the blounts have died out. Surely. I don't know any blounts. I've never met a blount. I've never met a blount. But I haven't liked. Yes. I love him.
Starting point is 00:39:31 I love him. I should say, their affair is confirmed because she had a son. Do you know what I guess, were they called the son? Gary Newman. Greg Newman. Oh, both. Wrong Henry. Again Newman. Both. Wrong Henry. Again?
Starting point is 00:39:48 Another Henry. What a Henry. Henry was so excited to be a dad of someone who themselves one day could be a dad. You could just say to have a son. You fucking know. You wanted someone who had the potential of me, this one could be a dad.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Not all sons could be dads. But all dads are sons. Wow. It sounds steep, doesn't it? But it's not, isn't it all? I've just rethought what I said. Are you a son if your parents are dead? Or are you an orphan?
Starting point is 00:40:14 Yeah. I think you're both. Just something you should think of. That's how I think, that's how I think, that's steep as well. That does. But I don't think you lose, because they're still your parents, aren't they?
Starting point is 00:40:24 So you're still there son. Well hang on. I just remembering our Lord and Saviour John Farnamont said We're all someone's daughter. We're all someone's son. That's why that probably even how long Can we look at each other down the barrel of a son of a gun? Oh the sun, sun of the gum. Sun of the gum. It might have been rhyme, sun with sun, but S-O-N with S-U-N, and the barrel of S-U-N sun. What do you mean, great.
Starting point is 00:40:51 While you're looking down the barrel of a sun, suns don't have barrels. Oh, I don't look at the sun, that's my advice. Henry VIII, he was so excited to have a sun, which had been wanting forever. Someone who's capable of being a dad one day maybe, he and his parties. He came out and publicly claimed the son,
Starting point is 00:41:09 even though it's his illegitimate son, who's gonna marry to the woman. He was so excited, he's like, I don't care. He's a boy. I don't give a shit. And he made him a duke, which is like a high ranking thing, which really, most people, most other kids probably would've been like, no, some are son.
Starting point is 00:41:23 I think that's quite progressive of him in a way. Yeah. He named the king Henry Fitzroy, and Fitzroy, you know, this means son of king. So he, oh, Fitzroy. Fitz, which bit's which? Fitzroy. Roy meaning son?
Starting point is 00:41:39 Fitz meaning King. Wait, no, I reckon Fitz means son, because Fitz Gerald and all that. Oh, that makes I reckon Fitz means some, because Fitz jerald and all that, all this Fitz sounds sort of his son of Gerald. I have some weird feeling that Roy, something to do with like royalty or. I have more than a weird feeling, I know, because it means some of King.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Yeah, Roy is in royal, so I think that checks it. Well, that's bright down the word, mate. Fitz royal, so I think that... Let us break down the word, mate. Fits royal. That makes sense. It was suggested that Fitz Royal marry his own half-system Mary, let it be Bloody Mary, in order to strengthen his claim to the throne, because a lot of people would be like, well, you're the illegitimate son,
Starting point is 00:42:20 so you can't be king, but they were like, well, if he's married to the princess, when their parents die, he can be king. That were like well if he's married to the princess when their parents die he can be king. That's still fucked and weird. Sadly this never happened because Fitzroy died suddenly of tuberculosis age 17. Oh no. That is brutal for the king. So he never gets to know if he would have been king. A lot of historians say that he probably would have been because Henry was so happy to
Starting point is 00:42:42 have a son. Wow. It feels like Henry can probably but I mean he has to be dead almost. Well, I wonder if young Henry was like just living with his mum or whether he moved him into the castle or I wonder. You know, do he really, do he fully take him on? Yeah, oh actually, he once had brought him into the royal court. Wow. And I think that was pretty shocking thing to do and be like, there's my son. This is my boy. My boy. Look at it. Bring your boy.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Everybody look at my boy. Did a boy experience with that? Oh, that's nice. He claimed he was so stoked to have him. Sadly, he died young. So nice for him, but so brutal for all the daughters. Yeah. Yeah. So just see every time they walk in the room his shoulders slump. Not again. Not another fucking female spawn. That's the worst. A couple of that came out of me.
Starting point is 00:43:34 Ew. Ugh. Now I will say that while in this story here I'm mainly focusing on the wives because there's a lot of other sort of stuff going on behind the scenes with his left hand right hand men Coming up and down and him coming up and down well They a lot of them are his friend for a long time and then suddenly they do something He's like I don't like you anymore and they suddenly get arrested and get Oh
Starting point is 00:44:00 That happens a lot but they're also pretty dodgy a lot of these Letters go a lot of them called Thomas. Ah, yeah, never trust a Thomas. My brother's name's Thomas and we don't trust him Do we know we don't know we do not? But so I'm mainly focusing on on the wives But I will say that he was also in charge of the military is the king and he did pretty well there He invaded France. He's trips defeated a French army at the Battle of the Spurs, and he had led the army personally with his large entourage. So he was actually part of the battle. Ah, a entourage, that felt good. He had his hair stylus with him.
Starting point is 00:44:37 Turtle was there. Turtle was always there. That's turtle. There's a TV show that one of the main characters was a car-dravical turtle. That is a real thing that happened. Yeah. I've never seen on trash and I really think I'm going to avoid it now. That sounds really bad. Is it good? I don't know, I never watched it either.
Starting point is 00:45:01 How do you know turtle? I know, yeah. Everything. How do you know your name is carrot, because I don't know, I never watch it, I love it. How do you know Turtle? I know, yeah. Everything. How do you know Names' characters that I don't? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals. Blue Nile offers an endless selection of bold gold styles, gemstone jewelry, and classic diamond pieces. And right now, Blue Nile is also offering
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Starting point is 00:46:15 situations. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career and a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. End of the 8th is also, sometimes called, the father of the Royal Navy. Because when he
Starting point is 00:46:52 became King, there were five Royal Warships, but by the time he died, he'd built 50. It's been really made a... And England for a long time was... King of the Sea. King of the Sea, that's right. So, he also built the first naval dock in Britain at Port Smith, and in 1546 he established the Navy Board. Oh! There you go, that's a little side note. They're back to the wives. During his first marriage to Catherine,
Starting point is 00:47:16 Henry conducted an affair with Mary Berlin. Catherine's lady in waiting, okay, her PA. Okay. Personal assistant type thing. Sure. Sort of a very close and trusted person that you would hope wouldn't sleep with the husband, but there you go. In 1525, as Henry grew more inpatient with Catherine's
Starting point is 00:47:34 court inability to produce the male air he desired. This is an ongoing thing. We'd always blame them, why can't you have a son? Why can't you have a son? He became enamored with Mary Balin's sister Ann. Ann Balin. Then a charismatic young woman of 25, also in the Queen's entourage.
Starting point is 00:47:53 Large entourage. Henry is 34 at this point and has been married for 16 years. Wow, that's a long time. Yeah, the rest. And the better could go. That's a nice one. Ann, however, resisted's attempted to seduce her and refused to become his mistress as her sister Mary had done.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Mm-hmm. Class again. So then we come to a classy Dame. She is. She is. And we've just in or it's an E. No, it's just. There's an E. Double N, so your mom's name's correct. She's named Anne-Belin. Mm-hmm. Where you go? I want to take a look at that over Perkins, okay? Yeah, big time. Just Belin. Just Belin, now it's an answer.
Starting point is 00:48:34 What are you up to? Just Belin? What about you? No, I don't like it. Also, Belin. Because how often do you say, hey, what are you up to? I say, just Perkins, I don't do I. Wow. I'm bloody sort of like that.
Starting point is 00:48:44 I mean, I'd say say only handful times a day But not enough to make it a significant part of your life. Yeah, not to get printed on t-shirts or anything T-shirts Well, we had a t-shirt. Well, what'd it say probably fuck a gale? Imagine that you be walking in the people be like, why does it say that? As a podcast that listen isn't from Australia. Yeah. It's a soul thing. People are wearing it.
Starting point is 00:49:10 On the matrix of Akron. Oh wow. Orkron. Akron. No. It's funny that I think they're saying it wrong, but we're saying it wronger. Yeah. We're saying it Akroner. Dave, do go on. We come to the King's great matter. Henry
Starting point is 00:49:30 started to panic about not having his son. Catherine, who was 14 now, was no longer to bear children by this time, mainly because the poor woman has gotten pregnant so many times. I feel terrible for her. I think that just can't be good for you. And she's thought, you know, I'm warning, Henry began to believe that his marriage was cursed and sought confirmation from his Bible. He was very religious man. Which does such an idiot. Dear Bible! Right.
Starting point is 00:49:55 He's my marriage curse. Please write back. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, thank you Bible. You look holding it up. Yeah, he's doing it. Look, I can talk to the Bible. Hello. Hello, it's the Bible. Hello!
Starting point is 00:50:05 Hello, it's me Bible! Hello Thomas! See that? I'm not doing that. Thomas! Look, I don't know. I sound like this, I don't sound like this. Look, that's that.
Starting point is 00:50:13 It's different. It's the Bible. Different voice. So I've got a lot of talents, but not a different voice. I'm not a ventriloquist, which hasn't been invented yet. It's probably had, I don't know. Anyway. It's one of the. Anyway, I'll stop
Starting point is 00:50:25 written. Just have a good turn. So he thought his marriage was cursed. He went to the Bible, which he interpreted to say that if a man marries his brother's wife, the couple will be childless. Henry's interpretation of the biblical passage meant that their marriage had been wrong in the eyes of God. So that's why he's thinking, oh, I can't have a son, even though he has had a child with a woman. Yeah. So what he thinks he's the problem now. No, he thinks that the marriage is cursed.
Starting point is 00:50:51 Sure, yeah. Because he married his older brothers, with a widow. Oh, sure, sure, yeah. Henry needed an email there and he needed one now. So what he came to is what is referred to as the King's great matter. It's the big greater great, grates cheese on it,
Starting point is 00:51:05 for pizzas and nachos. Oh, I'm like a myhungry. Oh, that's got some pizza up to this. Which wasn't invented yet, possibly was it? Who knows. He decided he had three realistic options for his great matter. They were.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Number one. Number one. Fuck more women. You know, they said like different there were you. Yeah. That was no good either way. No, it was a better decision to go with women. Number two. Oh no wait, number one. Number one. Number one was Matt's made up one. Number one is legitimizing his half son Henry Fitzroy who's still alive at this time because he matters to 17. How do you legitimize him? Possibly marry him to the, to me, to marry.
Starting point is 00:51:46 Ah, sure. Or just make it up and make everyone agree that his son will be king of he dies. Cool. But actually, no pun, me, I should have read my next sentence. It would take the intervention of the Pope. The Pope would have to say, yeah, oh, you weren't married to the number two cares.
Starting point is 00:52:00 So that was after number one. Which seems like something a Pope would do. Yeah. Number two. Number two. Maryoff is daughter Mary as soon as possible, hoping for a grandson to inherit directly. Oh. But Mary was considered unlikely to conceive before Henry's death because of her age and because of his age.
Starting point is 00:52:15 How old was she? Sorry. No, she would have been... Like she's a child. She's a child. 10 or something. Yeah, yeah. And he doesn't know how long he's going to live for.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Like he does live another like 20 years, but he doesn't know how long he's gonna live for like he he does live it another like 20 years, but he doesn't know that And option number three number three Somehow shun his wife and marry someone younger of childbearing age and give get her to have a son age and get her to have a son. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! We have a winner! He's gone off pick Dawn number three please, Gary. They're a good choice.
Starting point is 00:52:50 You're a good friend of mine. That's right. You just have to shun your wife. So you practice the shunning begin. That's a big royal ceremony. It's a royal shunning. Bring in the royal shunning paddle. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- approach her and say, hey, can you retire to an annery and never be seen again? To which she said, no, God never called me to an annery. I am the King's true and legitimate wife and he was like, that's not the answer I was hoping for. I really hope you say, honey. Yes, honey. This is the best thing for all of us. Come on, it's what I want and I'm the fucking king.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Yeah. He's the fucking king. He is. Wow. Hasn't proven to be. Oh, he's fucking thinks Lefran's in it. But it's just that it's just one take. It's just not working. All these women are broken. What's the common denominator, Henry? Henry.
Starting point is 00:54:04 They're all women. I know what I must do. I must marry my son. So she said, I will not go away, and he did not listen and sent his secretary to the Pope. Pope Clement VII, in the hope of having his marriage to Catherine and Nald, he argued after 16 years. We were drunk. We were drunk. We were in Vegas. Well, he's argument being that the marriage acted contrary to Leviticus 2021, which is the biblical pastures that he interpreted. And he said, look at that, look at that, Pope.
Starting point is 00:54:40 Read it and weep. Read it and weep. for aces Fifth up the sleeve He's like that's the thing that said you shouldn't marry your brother brothers wife, so that doesn't count the Pope Didn't go for it great. He's also the bullshit probably because there's probably about 500 other things in the bar But the girl again, so you can't just I noticed a lot throughout history people picking shoes They're like, no, no look at this and it's like what about these ten things? No, no, no, no look at this Yeah, this is on page two yeah don't worry about page 47 this is the one I agree with and I'm the king yeah and ease a classical court with a representative of the Pope which is just like a Christian court
Starting point is 00:55:18 was set up to a peas Henry in England with a representative of the Pope there both Henry and Catherine attended. Oh good, date night. Date night to the court, I'm trying to shun you. Oh I'm making it. Should we take two cars or one? I don't know, what do you reckon? She's still like that, maybe this is our chance, maybe this could be the night we rekindled the end. We just needed time, just one on one time.
Starting point is 00:55:40 Away from all the kids. Oh fuck. Oh my God. So Mike Ly and Henry would like to divorce his wife. That's you. That's you. I hate you. I hate you. I know we're cool, but you are broken. You are broken.
Starting point is 00:55:57 Something inside you is not working. With the boy machine's broken. Your boy jeans down. Because of the curse. The curse. The machine's broken. Yeah, boy jeans down. Because of the curse. The curse. The Vera's curse. This court has actually seen more of a show and Clements
Starting point is 00:56:11 behalf, just trying to make Henry feel a bit better about it, because after two months, which is still a long time to me, it was called off. The Pope and the court were probably under a lot of pressure from the very powerful Emperor Charles the Fifth, who's the ruler of Spain, and he's Catherine's nephew. So he was probably in the ear of the Pope going, don't shun my aunt. I'll do that. Which is nice to have a nephew and you caught. Yeah. I was a chance for an annulment lost and England's place in Europe now
Starting point is 00:56:38 looking a bit fucked because he's trying to divorce this Spanish woman and they're like, hey why are you doing that? Is that the historical term? Is it a bit fucked? Bitfuck. I did take this from historicalwords.com. I said bit fucked. I reckon that there'll be a lot of things that come up. Yeah, probably. Cardinal Wolsey, great name. Great name.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Cardinal Wolsey, who was a Tbilisi. Until this point, Henry's right-hand man, he bore the blame. Henry was like, well, I asked you to try and get me a divorce and you didn't. It was rumored that Wolsey had a secret plot to have Anne Berlin, who is Henry's interest, forced into exile and began talking to the Pope behind his back. So Henry was like, I'm arresting you for treason and you probably would have been executed
Starting point is 00:57:18 but he died of natural causes. Sure he did. Henry's fist. Henry's fist to the fact. He died of natural poison. I got him from a bush. Natural. I got him from a bush. Bush also. So there's bush down a dark alleyway. I got some poison for you. Would you get it bush? Yeah, nice. Then we have a- Thomas getting too dumb. Got a couple of tomuses.
Starting point is 00:57:46 So Thomas Moore, famous man, took on the role of Lord Chancellor and Chief Minister and so Thomas Kramner was given the role of Archbishop of Canterbury. Kramner, I know this is good as Moore. Thomas Moore is better. Good, both good job titles though. Oh yeah, so both very powerful men. So these are some of the right-hand left-hand men I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:58:04 What's that it's trying to right hand and left hand man? well one's right hand and one's left hand. gotcha but that's the same obvious but Jesse's our resident's hand expert on the podcast yeah so I am I am by default your left hand man okay Dave is your right hand but you are also Dave's right hand
Starting point is 00:58:20 okay but I am both of your left hand right problem is you are both my right hand I know I'm right so you're a hand man. Yeah, which in turn Because if you got two on the right it does it sort of counteracts having to have somebody in the left right So we're we're cool. We're cool. Oh, I don't balance is it yeah Danny David has leg factor It's all this day. If I have to explain. I'm sorry. I don't want to dumb it down Good have just thinking of listeners. Let's just get through the topic and I'll explain over.
Starting point is 00:58:47 We are on wife one of six. Ha ha ha. Oh, wow. I don't know why this is the big wife. They couldn't possibly all last for 16 years. He's still alive. He's still marrying. He's still alive.
Starting point is 00:58:58 He's been out. He's been out. So Nashian Kanye will last. Pope has said, no. Bad King. Notty, but he hit him on the nose of the newspaper. Oh, stop it. Henry would not take no for an answer in a year later.
Starting point is 00:59:14 Catherine was banished from the court, kicked out of the kingdom, and her room rooms were given to Anne. Oh, by God. Who is, remember, one of her right-hand women? Yeah. Hi, Catherine. I'll take this. I'll take all these stuff. At this stage, who's more powerful?
Starting point is 00:59:28 Who would be seen more powerful in the English public? The Pope or the King? Well, so the King is in charge of the country, but the Pope is in charge of their Catholicism, the whole religion across all of Europe. Yeah, so it feels like the Pope's kind of the... It's a very, most kings would stop now. Yeah, but not Henry right Yeah, most he's okay. You're the Pope. You're the top dog, but I mean he's like
Starting point is 00:59:52 Remember he wasn't trained as a King's and he doesn't give a fuck about Right, I'm thinking like down down the public, you know the poppers and stuff What are they they like probably just struggling to survive? Strong enough survive not too far. It's not too bad. Yeah, not too worried about the king and his divorce or not Yeah, cool. Just trying to feed themselves. Okay. Yeah, I'm asking people in Haiti. What do you think about Trump being elected? I don't give a fuck yeah I'm just trying to survive. I think that's what the poor people are doing that interesting interesting So I never got and she's moved in She's born between 1501 and 1507.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Records were not so good, I think. Annie! That's quite a gap. I know. I think she was lying about her age. Oh well, we all do. We all do. Yeah. You have childbearing age. You look old. I'm 13. You look about 65. 13. She was the markess of Pembroke in her own right. Her father was a diplomat who knew many languages and her father was close with Henry VII's dad. All know each other. They're all very same circles. Henry, Henry the king, Henry VIII.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Now, 41. And now, 32. Or thereabouts. Or 25 or 37. Somewhere in there. They went through a secret wedding service. She soon became pregnant and there was a second wedding service. And now 32, or they're about, or 25 or 37, not. Somewhere in there. They went through a secret wedding service. She soon became pregnant, and there was a second wedding
Starting point is 01:01:09 service, a public one in London, January 15, 33. But she was like seven months pregnant at the time, and she went for one of those mini dress styles, so it's just like ballooned off. Yeah, it was really cool. She looked great. Would you cut a cute ensemble? So cute.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Oh my god, so cute. Henry, remember, sorry, the purpose had no to this. Henry needed an excuse to break away from the pip. From the pip. It was the hud. I'm petrush. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas from the pip. From the pip. We have the official pipa message. Mirksmished everybody. Fem peop, bina di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di di Over four years, instituted a number of statutes that dealt with the relationship between the King and the Pope and hence changed the structure of the Church of England. So Henry, who until this point was a very religious man, decided that he would be the head of the Church of England and that the Pope no longer mattered. The Pope could...
Starting point is 01:02:21 Waka! Said King Henry not us obviously, We have a serious pixel Pope. The Pepe. The Pepe. Thomas Kramner, one of the right-hand men I said before, he sat in a judgment at a special court, convened to rule on the validity of the King's marriage to Catherine of Argonne, and he declared that their marriage was null and void because of the brother thing.
Starting point is 01:02:43 Like, you married his brother Because of the whatever the king says. Yeah, did he say what did which one did you want again? Yeah option a obey I'll do it. I just I just sign it here one one bullshit excuse so we coming up which one cool all right done So no one boy five days later Kramner declared the marriage of Henry and Anne to be valid Man, I this one's real. This one, this one. Has he ever married your brother? No, you're in. No, it's my brother.
Starting point is 01:03:10 It's a number one rule. Marriage. No, you know. Yeah, you got it. Fuck the poop. Fuck the poop. Fuck the poop. Ha, ha, ha.
Starting point is 01:03:19 Hey, whatever he wanted to do when he's wedding night, it's up to them. And he could do that anyway he wanted to. I think I'm starting to understand why he hasn't had many children. He's been going up the poop. He's been fucking the poop. Catherine was formally stripped of her toddler's queen, becoming instead Princess Dowager. Dowager?
Starting point is 01:03:40 And she's given that toddler because she's the widow of Arthur, even though she married him 20 for 20 weeks 25 years ago What she's now known as the widow of the first brother. Oh The Queen This is Queen Andaline gave birth to a daughter. No The child was christened Elizabeth his honoree of Henry's mother Elizabeth of York Henry was disappointed that it was a daughter, but he wouldn't know that this baby would grow
Starting point is 01:04:07 up to be Queen Elizabeth I who had reigned for 45 years. So he was like, oh, no, the daughter. Not knowing that she would be one of the most successful and famous Queen in their country history. Wow. So why is it so important that it's a son? It's a king, so it can... But his daughter is the queen, so what?
Starting point is 01:04:29 Because it's more likely that if you have just a daughter that someone like your cousin Oh, like a swoop in. Yeah, it can be like, oh well, I've got a son and he's the nephew of the king. Right. Or the great grand nephew, like they're often very... And do you know why that didn't happen in this case? I will get to the- what happens after he dies? Sorry mate, skipping ahead.
Starting point is 01:04:49 Like an absolute fuckhead. No, it's a kid. For kids, sorry Jess. For kids, he always turns out that it's wrong. For kids. For kids. And also you're thinking too- Language warning, please.
Starting point is 01:04:59 To modern and progressive in like what's wrong with having a daughter, you know? Back then, yuck! Oh, it's fine people. Well, I mean even now. Even now, ugh. modern and progressive in like what's wrong with having a daughter you know back then Yuck, oh, no, well, I mean even now even now. I remember your parents gave me a call when they found out the news And they were not happy. I was young and confused with the call, but I Did see their point. I mean it was the you went that young lady's Wasn't wait when were you? 90. I don't know. But you were, they would have found out
Starting point is 01:05:29 they were having a girl in the late 80s. No. Not back then. Science hadn't developed. No, I was born sort of late 90s. So they were pregnant in January. When was your birth month? Very end of August.
Starting point is 01:05:42 Very end of August. Correct. I knew that. I was just double checking you remembered. The my own my own you didn't know what you or month I was born in. Let me talk about it everywhere. Like so often. So often. I'm obnoxious about it. Anywho. I'm sorry I've heard you feeling exact. I'm saying face in your body language. And the fact that I'm just flipping you the bird. Yeah that's another indicator for me. There's that.
Starting point is 01:06:05 And then Anne, the marriage, was to care to officially legitimate. And then they passed the act of supremacy in 1534. This is one that Parliament also recognized the King's status as the head of the Church of England. And in 1534, also the act in restraint of appeals abolished the right of appeal to Rome. So usually you could can challenge me like I'm gonna double check with the Pope on this. They cut that off so it stops with Henry every time. Great. That's fun Who would yeah who would they have double checked with? The archbishop. What are they? What's the new? The archbishop of Canterbury. That's it. That's the top bishop, but they would go above them to the Pope.
Starting point is 01:06:42 Straight to the Pope. But the Pope's not involved anymore. Yeah, they're cutting it out. They've said, you can't go talk to the Pope anymore. My Pope. So I'm the top. King's word is done. That's smart play. It's funny that he's done this for just, for marriage reasons.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Yeah. But it's also made him incredibly powerful. Yeah, it's so strange. Crazy. Like, he did it just for a marriage, but now we can do anything you like. Well, why is he so obsessed with having a son? That's really ultimately what it's so strange crazy like he did it just for a marriage, but now we can do anything you like Why is he so obsessed with having a son? That's really ultimately what it's all come down to is come down to that so funny because you're dead by the time they're king anyway Who cares?
Starting point is 01:07:14 You're dead, but he thinks he'd be dead and also like some in the clouds looking down I guess and they're like no no we should have some we should did more We should change all the rules. Well, did you say he's worried that you won't get to heaven? Because what is effectively as happened to you is that England has broken away from the Roman Catholic Church and the Pope's, split them up. And this whole time, Henry has been worried that the Pope would excommunicate him and bar his soul from getting to heaven, because he's got that power as the Pope. So, Henry placed himself as the head of the church. So in that sense, in his own eyes, the divorce is legal, so he's just given himself permission to go to him.
Starting point is 01:07:48 It doesn't make any sense. So, well, now the Pope doesn't matter, because of the, like God respects the law that I just put. Then I made up. Brilliant. God's working through me. Everything I do is because of God. It's all about just the thought. He agrees with these things.
Starting point is 01:08:01 Brilliant. It's all about just lying everything. I love it. You must deep down understand that that is not how it would work. I don't think he does deep down understand anything. I think he's a bit of a nutcase. Many wealth and industries were dissolved and over the next four years 800 monasteries were disbanded and their lands and treasure taken for the crown. Their treasure?
Starting point is 01:08:19 It was also made him very rich. Not their treasure. They've taken the treasure. How did he find the treasure? With a map. And a bird on his shoulder. He's also a pirate now. He really, he's done it all. He's done it all. He's one of the best. He's like a modern day, Dave Warnocky, or not a modern day one. Dave Warnocky's like a modern
Starting point is 01:08:39 day. Dave Warnocky. King Henry's like a old and dead Warna key, thank you The King and Queen this is Ann Bolin. We're not pleased with married life The royal couple enjoyed periods of common affection But Ann refused to play the submissive role expected of her because he's very intellectual and like before she was like He was it was all about the chase and she's like no, no, no,'s like all right you're wow if you do what I say now and she's like I'm still pretty independent. Yeah, it doesn't like that. The chase is fun, isn't it? When you're like, oh gone and they're like no and you're like, oh come on let's go and she said they say no Stop it and you go, oh she's being coiled. I'm not being coy. I'm not interested. Please leave me alone. Oh
Starting point is 01:09:28 What a tease Yeah, now romance is good. After a miscarriage in 1534, he saw her failure to give him a son as a personal betrayal. As early as Christmas that year, Henry was discussing with Thomas Kramner and Thomas Kramwell, the chances of leaving and without having to return to Catherine. So he was worried that if he leaves Anne, everyone would be like, when they have to go back to your first wife, what a weird rule, what would it be? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no suppressed. So a few people had a, there's a bit of writing, a bit of things, but you sort of that out. You made that go away. You made it go away. Killed some people. Yep. Pretty much.
Starting point is 01:10:11 Killed some clarencers. On January 1536, news reached the king and the queen that Catherine of Eragon, former queen, had died. Henry called for public displays of joy, reciting Catherine's death. What a prick! Maybe it was a celebration of their life. Imagine being Mary, right? So you're mourning your mother's death and your dad's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, going, ding-dong, which is dead like that's awful! It's like the killer on the top of the castle. For-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for-for- The problem isn't it. At this time the queen Anne was pregnant again. She was aware of the consequences if she failed to give birth to a son. What a stressful way to have a pregnancy. Later that month the king was unhaustened, a jastic tournament was badly injured
Starting point is 01:11:14 and it seemed for a time that he may die. When news of this accident reached the queen, queen Anne she was sent into shock and miscarried a male child. This is also the day of Catherine's funeral. Oh, what a day. So it's mixed emotions. He's celebrating. Is he still celebrating? No, he's really upset.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Still playing tequila now, fuckhead. Dada, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, he's not like that. And a somber version of tequila. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo And where the King's new mistress, new mistress. Mitris. Mitris. I would like to introduce you to my mistress. Hello, Peep. He had his new mistress. I'm not doing it on purpose, I swear.
Starting point is 01:12:15 He's a new mistress. There we go. The 28 year old Jane Seymour moved into his new quarters. Ah, Dr. Quinn medicine. Is that the... Jane Seymour, isn't he? Is that a name Quinn? Ah, I Ah, Dr. Quinn medicine. What? Is that the... Jane C. What is he? Is that a name, Quinn? Ah, I know, you're a point.
Starting point is 01:12:29 No, the actor you've more. Oh, sorry. I was like, it's not Dr. C. Moore medicine. He Moore. I was thinking he had to rhyme a Quinn and what medicine woman doesn't rhyme at all. Between April 30th and May 2nd,th man including Anne's brother were arrested on charges of treasonable adultery and accused of having sexual relationships with the queen.
Starting point is 01:12:54 Queen's queen Anne's own brother George Berlin was arrested on charges of incest and treason. Oh George! Wait what? That just came out of nowhere or would you be leading up to that somewhere? So he's got his new mistress, mis-mitrids. He's got a new mistress. He wants to fuck off, bam. He wants to get in and his miscarried for the last time.
Starting point is 01:13:12 So now he's got to pretend that he's been cheating on him this whole time to get rid of it. So he's like, she's looking at all these men she's been sleeping with, including her brother. Yeah. Yeah, and I was trying to turn the public against it. Like, oh, look, she's even cheating with her brother. Just in case any of them were like well, you know, you know I mean you've been doing that a lot. Yeah, but brother. Oh, yeah, you forget he's the king
Starting point is 01:13:35 Oh, I did forget that but she is the queen. Oh, which means nothing. Yeah Oh And was also arrested and accused of this adultery and incest, although the evidence against the was unconvincing The accused were found guilty and condemned to death. That would be the worst incest would usually result Yeah, it would be for like a family in commit. Yeah, it would be bad I know and for you not to point that out everybody picked up of that's a bad thing and your friends and brother after die, too Yeah, it's awful. I mean if you think about it Jess. This is not a good thing to have I don't have to think about it. Let me just put a slight ass-huffle on this, okay
Starting point is 01:14:15 If you can victim of incest at the time, women are traditionally burnt to death But he decided that he would instead chop a head off. Sweet. Much nicer way than not to get. Which is not so. But, wait. Not with an axe with a sword. He hired an expert swordsman from France to come over to perform the execution. So a good guy.
Starting point is 01:14:34 Wait, you burnt, you get burnt to death, but he wasn't he trying to force a marriage between a half brother and sister or something? Yeah, he's fucked. And the thing. Yeah, he tried to marry. The relatives all the time and the royalty thing. But he's the king and they're not.
Starting point is 01:14:49 Oh fuck. So what he says it's gross, it's gross. If he says it's fine, it's fine. This one is a yak one. This is a yak one because it's not a king one. Yeah, it's a yak one because it works in his favor if it's a yak one. I think I'm starting to get this. The yak one is fun to say.
Starting point is 01:15:03 It sounds like a cool city. I think I was going to get this. Yuck one is fun to say. It sounds like a cool city. I think I was going down to Yuck one for the weekend. Yuck one oh hi. Yuck, that's probably accurate. Yuck one. She gave a very dignified speech before her death, said a prayer and was executed in one stroke, which at the time is a real blessing because sometimes it would take a lot. Do you reckon, okay, do you reckon it's a sword? So to cut off a head in one
Starting point is 01:15:27 strike He's like is that a really sharp sword or really hard? Hit I'd say a combination of both interesting. Hmm. He was an expert do you get one? She was buried in unmarked grave. Oh come on a skeleton was laid identified during renovations of the St. Peter of Inicular Chapel during the reign of Queen Victoria and her resting places now marked in the marble floor. Oh yes. So, Queen Victoria paid us some respect. The day after Anne's execution in 1536, the 45 year old Henry became engaged to Jane Seymour. She had also been one of the Queen's ladies in waiting.
Starting point is 01:16:05 So now he's married the right-hand woman of his first wife's right-hand woman. Great. He's stretching the woman. He doesn't really, he doesn't go far to find new women. You know? He's like, who's the yielding? He's done the job by like two degrees. How about the woman on your left?
Starting point is 01:16:21 She's all right. Yeah, done. They were married 10 days later. 10 days, it's hardly enough time to plan a wedding. 1537. I never get that to last. But by this time Henry is legit an expert at organizing wedding.
Starting point is 01:16:39 Oh, true. He's probably got like a wedding team. Oh, full time. Full time wedding team. They just wait. It's like they're like the Sinihaba like a wedding team. Oh full time, full time wedding team. They just wait. It's like they're like the Sydney Harbour Bridge painting team. By the time they get to the end. They're gonna start again. That's a myth of proud, it's still fun to say.
Starting point is 01:16:54 Oktober 1537, Jane gave birth to a son. No. Prince Edward, few checking Edward VI. The birth was difficult however and the queen died from an infection a few. No. Prince Edward, few checking Edward the sixth. The birth was difficult, however, and the queen died from an infection a few days later. Oh, no. So he didn't have to kill that one. So the first few days, he was super excited,
Starting point is 01:17:16 because he had a son, and then suddenly he was really upset, because a woman that gave him a son, a love of his life in his eyes. Sure. Suddenly died. Temporary love of his life died. So he was very, he didn't have to get that French guy back with the eyes. Sure. Suddenly done. Temporary love of his life died.
Starting point is 01:17:25 So he was very... But he didn't have to get that French guy back with the sword. So that's good. That's a bit... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a...
Starting point is 01:17:34 That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a...
Starting point is 01:17:42 That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... That's not a... Why if they called it the audition millions of women across the world? Wow. Yeah, I'm sure there be lots of people putting their hands up Yeah, they just looked at the other ones and gone all right exiled shunned Murdered died in childbirth. I'll give this a go. I'll give it a crack. Oh, I can change him. Yeah And the winner was named Anne of Cleese another Anne of Suzanne Henry. He's got a type of Cleves. Another Anne. He's got a top. Henry the 8th began to fear an attack on his kingdom, so it was suggested that he marry Anne and a cleave, the 25 year old sister of the Duke of Cleves, who was seen as an important ally in case of the Roman Catholic Church attacking England. So
Starting point is 01:18:19 Mary's quit the church, he's worried they're going toate and like try and kill him. So he's like, well, I've a marry this lady, she's pretty close to the church. Also, I'll get a wife. Great. When when? When when baby. Henry, having never seen the girl, had a painter, a painter portrait of her, it is speculated that he painted her in quite a flattering light. After seeing the portrait, and urged on by a complimentary description by one of his friends, the 49-year-old agreed to marry Anne. However, it was not long before Henry wished
Starting point is 01:18:52 to annul the marriage so he could marry someone else, so she was an ego. Oh, that's me. So Henry thought someone was an ego. Yeah, and he's definitely fat by this. Hello, 49. It's Kettle. You're black. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:19:06 Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Uh, he didn't have to kill this one. Because it was argued that they had not consummated the marriage or technically wasn't around the house. Because he was an ego. Couldn't even. Do you think I would have consummated this?
Starting point is 01:19:19 Yeah. On the divorce paper's reason, I'll go. Reason? Here's a picture. Here's a photo. Reason? Here's a picture. Here's a photo. Reason? C.Y. C.
Starting point is 01:19:28 Look up from paper. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I have a good color. Plus I can't see my dick anymore. It's pretty hard to constramate anything these days to be honest. But I'm gonna let you know that Anna...
Starting point is 01:19:39 That's I'm fat. Anna... Anna Cleaves got the best deal out of any of the wives. So she didn't have to have sex with Henry the who's horrible on a base one that is a win she didn't get murdered she didn't die in childbirth great and She got a title the title of the King's sister referred to as the King's beloved sister She got two houses and a general allowance the King's sister that's fucked But you get a sweet allowance that you can live on forever and you never had to have sex with the fat guy.
Starting point is 01:20:06 So good. So out of all the ones. She did really, really, really, really, really. It's not about him being fat, Dave. It's about him being an awful person. I know, I'm starting to feel bad about body shaming. It's not the fat thing that's a problem. I apologize for everything I've said.
Starting point is 01:20:18 It's just disgusting humans. He's a disgusting human inside. Who happens to be fat? Who happens to be disgusting outside Yeah, because he because he kills with his outside bits. Yeah He kills he has suffocated many women who's fault. Oh, Dave. That's not that's not fair. I mean I I don't think that's that's very nice. I haven't apologized yet and I refused to I'm a thin, arrogant man.
Starting point is 01:20:45 It was soon clear that Henry had fallen, so he's had four wives so far. We've had four. We're under four. It was soon clear that Henry had fallen for the 17-year-old Catherine Howard. Oh, that's a gap. She was the niece of the Duke of Norfolk, and although she had good lineage, she was very poor. Mainly because her father was one of 21 children and she was one of 10. Not enough money to go around.
Starting point is 01:21:09 How old is he at this stage? About 50. Right, so the general rule is, I think we're all aware, the rule is like the youngest that you can date is half your age plus seven. Right, so he's 50. So it's 32. 32 should be the youngest. So she's 17.
Starting point is 01:21:24 She's younger than his daughter Mary. Yeah, that's 50. That's 32. 32 should be the youngest. What's that? She's 17. She's younger than his daughter Mary. Yeah, that's far. One thing about her third day is how about her breeding genes? She's from, she's one of 10 and her dad's one of 21. I haven't read thought of it. Maybe he's looked at that third. You're going to have a son.
Starting point is 01:21:42 Yeah, you got it. You're going to have many options. Why some of these are gonna be sons? Cause you can do it, you can produce. You can do it, you got good breeding genes. Breeding genes, get your breeding genes on, we got jobs to do. We got boys to create.
Starting point is 01:22:00 Thomas Cronwell, one of the Thomas's, he got a bit too big for his boots, Henry thought he was getting a bit too powerful. So he was off. Yep, sure. Triesen, and on the day he was executed, Henry married his young wife, Catherine Howard. Yeah, congratulations, Catherine.
Starting point is 01:22:13 She was a first cousin and lady in waiting of Ann Belinn. Yeah, so they're all a lady in waiting of a previous wife. He's always. You gotta get out. It does feel like that. They were all ladies in waiting. For him. They were waiting for him.
Starting point is 01:22:29 He was absolutely delighted with his new queen and awarded her the lands of Cromwell, the man he just chopped his head off, and gave him a bust. Cool. Remember that guy was my best friend? I don't like him anymore. You can have his land because I just killed him. There you go, tuts. It's so weird to give your wife lands.
Starting point is 01:22:43 It's like, I mean, we live in the same house. Yeah. You can have those lands. I really, I rarely travel with that, you so. The marriage and the honeymoon phase was short lived as it was alleged that she was an adulterer. What? She's 17.
Starting point is 01:22:57 It was said that she's not even an adult. So true. It was alleged that she had a previous relationship and also had an affair whilst married to Henry. Oh, I see. I'm so good. Yeah, she met someone that she liked. It was age appropriate.
Starting point is 01:23:15 Yeah, I imagine that. It feels a bit like Titanic, where she's poor. I mean, told her to marry the rich one, but then she falls in love with someone else, a poor person. Sure. The king who was infatuated refused to believe it, although the previous relationship... La la la la la la, not listening. La la la la la, my wife loves me, heaps. A lot of berries facing his faults.
Starting point is 01:23:37 Can't hear anything under fault. Derrick him, who was the person she apparently had already had a relationship with, confessed. They had a meeting of a council before Henry believed the accusations and he went into a rage, blaming the council, then he went off hunting to Cleary's head, and then he came back and decided that it was treason and it was punishable by death for a queen consort to fail to disclose her sexual history to the king within 20 days of their marriage. That's a bullshit rule. It's probably... It's probably day 19 or something.
Starting point is 01:24:15 Day 19. Hang on. Far out. When questioned the queen could have admitted a prior contract to marry Derriham, which means that, oh no, I was engaged to him, which would have made her subsequent marriage to Harry Henry invalid, but she would get to live. But she instead claimed that Derrham had forced her into a relationship, which exposed her and made her eligible for execution. Oh my god. Oh good, she's eligible for execution.
Starting point is 01:24:43 Yeah, it's possible. Eligible is not a word that we want to use there. Eligible is a good thing. Is it? Well, yeah, because you'd be eligible for a bonus. Eligible for a bachelor of us. Exactly. Eligible for execution. Hey, congratulations. You're eligible for execution. I'll accept before I hear the offer. Oh no. Shit. Wish you were aware of that?
Starting point is 01:25:06 That she was putting herself in the... Oh no, because they made up that rule after she'd talked to her. I imagine that they probably would have bent the rules either way. Yeah. So that is awful. You know, bring a child into your weird sex marriage life thing. And then go, uh, that's fucked. Yep. I mean, it's all been fucked. But this one feels maybe worse than the rest.
Starting point is 01:25:30 Yeah. Well, I'll read this sentence. The night before it execution, Catherine is believed to have spent many hours practicing how to lay her head upon the block, which she had been brought into her cell at her request. That's fucked. She made a speech describing her punishment as worthy and just and asked for mercy for her family and prayers for her soul. According to popular folklore
Starting point is 01:25:49 folklore. Féclair. Féclair from the pub. The final words were, I die a queen but I would have rather died the wife of Culperp, who's the one that she apparently hadn't affair with. But that's uncoroperated. But it sounds good. It does sound good. Alright so we've got five wives one to go Henry married his last wife the wealthy widow Catherine Catherine July this is the third Catherine three of six are called Catherine. Let's spell the different ways. Oh, did I? Hmm, one of the K to the sea. Yeah the wealthy widow Catherine par July 15. She had been widowed twice,
Starting point is 01:26:26 so Henry was her third husband, and she was 31 years old. Henry 52. Okay, well, he's getting closer to that lower barrier, but still he's not quite there. I think he's just, doesn't he know that? All right, it's got to be 33 now.
Starting point is 01:26:41 Half plus 73. Half plus 73. Yeah, so yeah, I mean I would say close enough That's fine. Well, what's the point of having the rule if you're gonna bend it? Well Interesting question Jeff's it's a question. You would not make a good king Actually, no, you would make a good king. You look at it. You look at a rule and go fuck the rule out of care. Yeah Fuck the rule Catherine power helped reconcile Henry with his daughters Mary and Elizabeth who by this
Starting point is 01:27:05 time probably didn't like their dad very much anymore. Probably not, because one of them chopped their mums head off. Later in life Henry became obese, as I already said, and his waist measured 54 inches or 140 centimeters. He had to be moved about with the help of mechanical inventions. Oh my god, but hey. That's amazing for 500 years ago. I was going to say, yeah, that's amazing that they had to develop technology to help him.
Starting point is 01:27:31 Because it's funny how bad things often bring technology forward. That's true. A lot of good inventions have come out of war. That's true. And in that case, a lot of good inventions have come out of gluttony. He was covered with painful, post-filled boils, possibly suffered from gout. His obesity and other medical problems can be traced from the jousting accident he had because he had a horrible leg wound
Starting point is 01:27:54 which apparently reopened. That's convenient isn't it? And doctors found it difficult to treat as he got older. It's just syphilis. The word the word would fester for the remainder of his life and prevent it from maintaining the level of physical activity it previously enjoyed. I think that's why he's getting fatter and fatter because his whole life has been pretty fit. Right. And now he's eating the same amount, but doing a lot less exercise.
Starting point is 01:28:17 Sure. The Jassy accident has also thought to have caused Henry Mood swings, which may have had a dramatic effect on his personality and temperament. But I can't see that in any of the texts I've read. No. It seems like he's moody. No, I don't think so.
Starting point is 01:28:30 I think he seems pretty mellow. Obesity hastened Henry's death, and he died at the age of 55. On January 28th, 1547, in the Palace of Whitehall, it would have been his father's 90th birthday. His allegedly last words were monks, monks, monks. There you go. What? Monks, monks, monks, possibly talking about monks because he was worried about all the church stuff. Catherine Paa, his wife, outlived him by one year and married a false time. Of course she did.
Starting point is 01:29:02 Then we'll just finish with the succession. She lived one more year but it was still fantastically. very default time. Of course she did. Then we, I'll just finish with the succession. She lived one more year, but it was still fantastically... She had time. She does not muck around for... She was trying to be her husband's record. So she lived to 30... 30 something and...
Starting point is 01:29:15 Yeah, mid to like 30. Oh yeah, that's not a bad effort. That's not a bad effort. You'll be lucky to get there. I've got a threat. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. You'll be lucky to get there That's right. Yeah After his After his death, this is what happens afterwards Henry's only legitimate son Edward
Starting point is 01:29:34 inherited the crown and he became Edward the sixth Edward was only 90 years old at the time so he could not exercise actual power and He became ill and died at age 15. Oh no. Then Lady Jane Gray Edwards, his, sorry, Lady Jane Gray, Edwards cousin was queen for nine days before Mary the first, whose bloody Mary stepped in and took over and claimed the throne. Wow, she got rid of Lady Jane.
Starting point is 01:30:01 She ran for five years, bloody Mary, burning people at front and zenner. Awesome. Then when she died, her half sister Elizabeth the first took over and rain for 45 years Wow But she's referred to as the Virgin Queen and never had any children So that's the end of the chooders end of the chooders and then the king after that is James the first Scots yeah, I'm sure it That is her name I think so he's my great great great great great great great great something great cool Yeah, my middle names James I know Matthew James Stuart King of the Scots or whatever that that's not what he was called Is it what was he called King Dick?
Starting point is 01:30:39 King Dick James the first yeah, we also called James the Sixth because he was the King of Scotland and England's the first one to Put it all together. Hmm. We did we've done some stuff. East Julie boys. Yeah, no big deal So before we wrap up just a recap of everything that has just happened. These are the six wives First one catheter of arrogant divorced mother of Mary the first married for 24 years It's not that you marry for 24 years and then within 10 years he had five the next five. Yeah, that's crazy Oh, midlife crisis. Oh, I have some view eyes. That makes sense before by Porsche's I By wipes my dad got a motorbike. Did you really? Yeah, are you still riding? Yeah? Yeah, all the time. Why can't I motorbike? I don't know Yamaha something
Starting point is 01:31:22 He was like so pissed at my brother my brother I motorbike? I don't know. Yamaha something. He was like so pissed at my brother, my brother gonna motorbike. And my dad was like, not under my roof. You're not getting one of those. That's not so, hey, what sort of molotus I've got. And then he jumped on, had a little spin, and then like, he laid out his own motorbike. And his brother stole right too? Yeah, they go riding together, it's very cute.
Starting point is 01:31:39 That is great. Yep. Wife number two, Ann Belen, beheaded, mother of Elizabeth I. Wifed number three, Jane Seymour died after giving birth to Edward VI. Number four, Ann of Cleaves, quickly divorced. But I will say she outlived everyone. Yeah, she's still alive.
Starting point is 01:31:57 She is still gone. Wow. She is the Queen's mother's mother. Yep. Some mother. Smother. No, she died. She was some mother. Wifed number five, Catherine Howard, the young one executed. And Wife number six,
Starting point is 01:32:09 Catherine Pa, widowed, but they weren't married for the time. Now a common way to remember the fates of Henry's consorts or wives, there's a rhyme, it's a King Henry the eighth to six wives he was wedded. One died, one survived, two divorced, two beheaded. But I prefer this one, which is so you can remember in order it goes. Divorced beheaded died, divorced beheaded survived. Ah, fun! Divorced beheaded died, the horse beheaded survived. It actually was sticking to the head of record.
Starting point is 01:32:48 I might do, yeah. So there you go, Christian, I did your topic, mate. And I hope I did your proud. That is the six wives of Henry VIII. Wow. Thank you. We don't usually clap, but I appreciate it. Well Matt started it and I felt you deserved it. That was very interesting and it's crazy isn't it? It's insane. I knew a bit about that because my mom is very big on English
Starting point is 01:33:10 history and she can name all the kings and queens and order all that kind of thing but I didn't realize that it was marriage of the first wife for you know. It's such a long time. I thought it was like got sick of him straight away next to him. And they seemed okay like they seemed to have a fairly good life. You were just the baby making thing. You were thinking that you were pretty safe, wouldn't you? 24 years, yeah. Yeah. I don't think anybody goes into a marriage thinking,
Starting point is 01:33:33 well, I could die here. Like, you know, I hope you don't. If you do, probably evaluate your priorities. I don't think it. No, good. That was great, Dave, well done. Thank you guys. I had a good time researching that as I often do. Mm. Such a nerd. I'm such a nerd.
Starting point is 01:33:50 But we've got two. So thank you to all the patron supporters who are the ones that have brought you this episode. We also quick side note. We hope that you have by now received your Christmas cards. Yes. If not. You are overseas. It might take a long time because the Australia Post, which is our National Postal Service, has been having a lot of issues for Christmas this year. Oh, then we're not in the news. They're notoriously crap anyway, but Christmas time especially.
Starting point is 01:34:14 So. People, big lines, people complaining about parcels, not being delivered that kind of stuff. So hopefully, we promise we did send them. We promise. They're on their way. We haven't, we haven't, people let us know. We have 30 dollars and post it we have
Starting point is 01:34:28 We have that people let us know they've received them so you know they're there they was exciting to see yeah That was great. Maybe if you haven't already take a photo where it is yeah unless it's in the bin I don't want to say that I don't say that that hurts Also, yeah, we're gonna thank a few people I think yeah, thanks some patreon Also, yeah, we're gonna thank a few people. I think yeah. Thanks some Patreon listeners. Firstly, I think last week we called a guy Maxwell, because I didn't write down a surname for some reason.
Starting point is 01:34:49 But his name's Maxwell, Coveyello. What a waste of opportunity last week for me to not say that sweet surname. Coveyello. I feel like. I can hear that sort of being whispered on the breeze. Coveyello. Like that? Yeah, like that.
Starting point is 01:35:05 It's to me it sounds like a new type of Cadbury chocolate bar. Like Caramela mixed with something. Cadbury, Covey, L.O. I think that. Coffee and... Oh, coffee, is that being done? Coffee and Caramel? In coffee, yes.
Starting point is 01:35:17 In chocolate, maybe not. Well. Gab in the market. Copyright. There we go, I've copyrighted it, done. So yeah, let's thank some dudes. Let's thank some dudes. Copyright. There we have copyrighted it done. So yeah let's thank some dudes. Let's thank some dudes. Or girls. So yeah well I'd love to think if I can. Please. If you would let me have the honor. Oh we asked you to. Oh thank you.
Starting point is 01:35:38 Oh thank you. I mean I know actually Andy Matthews, an absolute superstar legend very funny comedian and God damn God damn scene you win good guy and Saint it's probably better. We love Andy. We love Andy so much all big fans Andy love Andy one of my favorite so so
Starting point is 01:36:02 Self indulgent here but one time he tweeted that he was listening to the podcast and thought to himself that I'd Mellowed out a little bit and then my next sentence is what a bitch, what an absolute fucking bitch How's he tweeting? You know, yeah, he tweeted that like he was thinking, just, just his Mellowed out a little bit and then he started cracking it I just turned on that and that made me really happy because I thought that was quite funny. So thanks Andy. You're great. We also need to think of course,
Starting point is 01:36:29 one of the OG listeners, one of our original... Is that mean organic? Yep. A regional gangster. Is that what that means? Yeah, it's just like an original. So from the beginning... Does it mean gangster or just original?
Starting point is 01:36:44 Oh my god, Dave, you're asking why too many questions. Oh, I just, I've heard the phrase OG before but I'm not gangster, no, it means that, I don't know. It means original gangster. Fuck yeah, can I? But you can use it in the context of original, like at work we will say, we just wanted the OG customer care agents, so depressing.
Starting point is 01:37:02 You're original gangster? Custom-a-care agents. Anyway. What a fun place to work. So from the You're original, thanks, the custom Macare agents. Anyway. So from the, pretty much from the beginning, we, we've had Cecil hops on board. Cecil, big fair. Cecil, tweezers all the time. Bigger, bigger, bigger recruit with an absolute legend. So of course a huge thank you. Go's that to Cecil as well. Thank you, Cecil. He's a member of the Sydney Shindler Deluxe Package. Package?
Starting point is 01:37:27 He's got a topic coming up in the golden hat that Jess, he's requested you do, I'm just saying. I like it, that he's made the request for me to do it. I think that's quite funny. Yeah, that's cool. Cool. And another member of that crew of Sidney Shindberg, Absolute Legends, is someone that I like to thank.
Starting point is 01:37:44 You're not here. It looks like you get to pick a little profile picture or possibly it's assigned to you by a patron because many people have cats. But this guy... I might be there version of the Twitter egg. Yeah, maybe he was really like cats today. But this guy is one cool cat, a hapcat. Haapcat, like hap-ha-tartus. Haapcat, that's right, he's a dying cat.
Starting point is 01:38:06 He's not, there is a cure. There is a cure and I would like to say congratulations. And thank you. Mainly thank you. I shouldn't have said congratulations. Congratulations on that making the choices of Paul to show. Justin McCain. Ah, Justin.
Starting point is 01:38:19 Justin McCain. Mr. Justin McCain. He's a laser-seer sirly game all the way from Pittsburgh Oh good penguins Pennsylvania thank you so much Justin so those are three Those are three Patreon legends and we'd like to say thank you to those three in particular but everyone that supports us on Patreon and you can find out patreon.com slash do go on part we've got a Patreon exclusive episode coming out next week so get in there.
Starting point is 01:38:47 Oh and it's pretty fucked from memory I can't even bring myself to listen to it. Nah it's gonna be great we were in the tiny bit drunk. It's fine. It's a good point special guest Nick Kappa and Simon coming at the Meredith Music Festival list. I'd also like to thank everyone who listens Dave. They are all fucking tops as well. Thank you people.
Starting point is 01:39:06 And if you want to get onto us on the internet, just how do you do that? Well Matt, I'm glad you asked. You can find us on Twitter at do go on pod, Instagram at do go on pod, Facebook at do go on pod, and you can email us at do go on pod at jmail.com so close to now. I mean it you were so what did I do? I don't know is that all right? Because I said at gmail at yeah, okay, I panics. I did so well. No, you're great. You're
Starting point is 01:39:36 And the patron is just a slash do go and I think do go on pod fuck. It's the same as all the others It's the same who would have thought it so's the same. Who would have thought it? So yeah, you can get in touch. I don't know any of those ways. What are you here for me? What a pleasure it's been. This is the last one for the year. Thanks for sticking with us throughout 2016 guys.
Starting point is 01:39:54 So next time you hear our voices. I mean next year. See you all next year, huh? See you on the other side. If I make it. Happy new year. Yeah, happy new year. Hope you get it bloody midnight smooch.
Starting point is 01:40:06 Oh, big time. Smooch-y smooch. But not up the poop. If it's not looking good for you at the time, just skip ahead to this bit. Get it ready to play. Right, and there is. You can have a little smooch from Jess and Dave. Midnight.
Starting point is 01:40:23 Oh, too much tongue. Uh, more tongue. Oh, I think we've got it. Don't you enjoy it too much. Anyway, I'm sorry, sorry. Oh, yeah, it's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo.
Starting point is 01:40:42 It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard to undo. It's hard and do the same. Dane! Dane! Dane! Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks so much for listening everyone, we'll see you next week. Bye! Bye! That's my thing, fuck you! Ha ha!
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