Doug Loves Movies - 10 Guests of Fantastic Fest
Episode Date: September 20, 2014Live from the Highball during Fantastic Fest in Austin, TX, Doug plays an extended version of The Leonard Maltin Game with his 10 guests.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Ca...lifornia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies!
This is Doug Loves Movies!
Coming to you
once again
from the new, well not once again,
for the first time, from the newly
remodeled Highball
as part of Fantastic Fest in
Austin, Texas!
It's Friday,
September 19th, 2014, Wolfen.
Decided to do a short one.
And it's 420-ish.
Yeah.
Smoke them if you got them, you guys.
You didn't hear it from me.
This is year 10 of Fantastic Fest.
So I thought I'd do a big special episode to celebrate. As you can see, there are 10 chairs on this stage, because this episode is called
the 10 Guests of Fantastic Fest. Yeah, and just like in my Christmas shows, we're going
to play a big single elimination round of the Leonard Maltin game for your viewing pleasure.
But first, it's time for Watch This, Not That.
Opening in theaters today are Tusk, directed and written by Kevin Smith, who was on Getting Doug With High a couple days ago.
Yeah.
And he was right here at this festival last night.
Yeah.
And he was right here at this festival last night.
And Walk Among the Tombstones, starring Liam Neeson,
who has not been on Getting Dug With High,
and is not at this festival.
So watch Tusk, not Tombstone.
This has been Watch This, Not That,
completely biased edition.
Yeah.
Hashtag Walrus, yes.
Hashtag Tombstone, no.
We should start that.
I heard it's a good movie, but fuck it.
I don't care.
Liam Neeson's gonna be okay,
taking four, taking five, taking six.
I'm gonna be here at Fantastic Fest until September 27th
when I will be flying to Toronto
to do two shows at Just for Laughs,
douglovesmovies.com for deets and links.
I brought some stuff for the prize bag,
plus you're going to get stuff from 10 other people
if you win today.
My contributions are the copy of Gateway Doug, of course.
A weird, flappy...
Yeah, they're making the same noise at the bar right now.
A mug from Cafe Ruckus, a local coffee shop that I just heard about.
They also include a Cafe Ruckus t-shirt.
And I got a Tusk shirt last night when i went to see uh kevin smith at that
and oh and from portland oregon i got i brought a couple of cans of oregon albacore tuna that
somebody gave me when i was in portland and i'm not gonna eat it so i'm paying it forward oh and
this is really cool just because i I'm here at Fantastic Fest,
I was lucky to get two wristbands for MondoCon this weekend,
one for Saturday and one for Sunday,
and I'm putting them both in the gift bag
because I'm busy over here at Fantastic Fest.
But it sounds like a fun thing to go to, too.
Let's do this, you guys.
The ten guests of Fantastic Fest,
please give a big warm welcome to
Chris Cubis, Charlie Hodge,
John Erler, Tim League,
Evan Katz, Scott Weinberg,
Noah Segan,
John Smith, Joe Lynch,
and Pat Healy.
Thank you.
I tried to take a director's chair, but I'm too fat.
I was very afraid of the structural integrity of that chair.
All right, Chris, you just won the Pete Holmes game,
which is first person to talk.
And that is Chris Cubis, you guys.
Let's hear it for him one more time.
But before we do that,
before we talk more to Chris,
I'm sorry that you guys all got so comfortable
in your seats, because
this is a part of the show
where normally
lots of people brought name tags.
Today, how many people brought name tags
that they made at home?
About eight or nine people.
A sizable amount.
Yeah, and then everybody else
is wearing festival badges, of course,
so they didn't have to necessarily make a badge
because they're wearing one.
So if all of my guests could just go out
into the audience and pick the person...
Oh, shit. Pick the person and pick the person Oh shit.
Pick the person that you want
to play for
and
bring it back to your seat.
And while you guys do that, we'll do
this. We'll be right back.
And we're back!
Alright, everybody's got a name tag.
And since Chris won the speaking first game, we're going to go to him.
Chris Cubis, everybody.
Hey, what's up, folks?
Nice.
Who are you playing for, Chris?
I am playing for James Martin.
Martin Marty Pound is his name.
He made an awesome hoverboard.
He is currently dressed like Marty McFly.
Yeah, that's really, that's a commitment. You know it's
September, right?
It's warm here to be wearing a down vest,
but I appreciate the effort.
Is that your Halloween costume every year?
Probably.
He's got the hoverboard, and now he's got the jacket
with no sleeves. He's set.
Alright, so that's who Chris is playing for.
And Chris, do you got anything to plug?
Because this is single elimination.
So if you lose, we're going to say goodbye.
So we might as well get your plug in.
Yeah, chriscubis.com, at chriscubis on Twitter.
And watch Grimm on ABC.
I'm not on that show or nothing.
You just like it?
It's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
So I mean, it's like the closest thing to Buffy that we got, so let's just
do it.
Fair enough. And what'd you bring for the
prize bag? Oh, that's dope.
From the great people at Transmission Entertainment,
I brought two passes to
Fun Fun Fun Fest.
Woo!
Go to FunFunFunFest.com. That's my
corporate obligations. Whoever wins,
just find me afterwards, because got to get your contact shit.
And we'll do it. It's going to be dope.
Fred Armisen is there. John Waters. It's going to be great.
Whoever wins, find the only
man in this room that looks like this.
Find him.
I got a minute ago,
someone was like, hey, I'm going to be at your show
on Sunday. And I was like, that's awesome.
And I was like, I don't remember to have a show on Sunday. Oh, shit.
It's the Reggie Watts confusion. Goddamn
oddball fest.
Hip sons of bitches.
I'm doing
a set at oddball fest, but I'm not allowed to say.
It's a good thing
we're still in commercial.
And Chris, have you been to the movies lately?
Have you seen anything that you can recommend besides Grimm?
See Calvary.
That movie was awesome.
Oh, it's the heaviest movie ever made.
It's really good, though.
Chris O'Dowd is amazing.
I also watched a documentary called Make Believe on Netflix.
It's about the World Teenage Magic Competition.
It's really good.
It's sad because there's two kids from South Africa
and they're not from like Paul Simon,
Diamond in the Souls of a Shoe, South Africa.
They're from fucking District 9, South Africa.
Like it's bad.
And then they come to Vegas.
It's the first thing they see.
And they're like, well, I got to walk 10 miles for water.
But these fountains are nice, I guess.
It's fucking uncomfortable.
But you should see it anyway.
Thanks for being here, Chris.
Our first category,
you don't get to pick a category because I want to move this thing along.
So our first category, suggested by
at Bugs Goblin on Twitter,
is dick pics.
Dick pics,
and that's movies that have Richard Nixon,
a penis, or both. I have Richard Nixon, a penis, or
both.
I guess most movies have a penis, so
a revealed penis, I should say.
Yeah. And Chris,
the year of this movie is
2009.
Okay. Yeah. Leonard
Maltin gave it two stars.
This movie that has Nixon or a dick in it
or both. Yeah, he calls
this movie slick and Nixon or a dick in it or both he calls this movie slick and superficial
and he
also says it's highly
stylized but over long
so those
clues aren't very helpful
who said like my dick
I'm glad you don't have a microphone right now
ten people
listed by Mr. Mton in this movie.
How many do you think it'll take you to name the
movie, Chris? I'm definitely
it's probably not Frost Nixon.
I'll say seven names. Yeah, you don't need to
narrow it down for the other contestants.
If anyone on the stage thought that
Frost Nixon was overly stylized
it'd be a weird choice.
They might have.
I'll say seven names.
All right.
We're going to Pat Healy's here, everybody.
Pat Healy.
Hi, guys.
Thank you.
Star of Cheap Thrills.
Thank you.
The only person from the film on the poster, if you have the right poster.
He also wrote Pearl Harbor.
And he's got a few credits scott be quiet um
yeah pass it back to tim he doesn't want to say anything um who are you playing for pat uh
cory cory how do you say your last name rivadamar cory rivadamar who has Highlander 2, The Corrickening.
Oh, okay.
With Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery and Cory Rivadimar.
Lambert, I love it.
He's French, all right?
What do you got going on, Pat?
You got any movies in the can or anything?
I've done a few things this year.
I did a movie with Dan Myrick, who's one of the directors of the Blair Witch Project,
called Under the Bed.
That'll be out next year.
I'm going to be in the second episode of this new show on Fox starring Rainn Wilson called...
What the fuck is that show called?
You're on it?
Yeah, I'm a guy.
Backstrom, yeah.
It's based on one of those Swedish crime novel series
that Rainn Wilson is the star of.
I'm going to be a guest star on that show.
And Cheap Thrills, of course, is available on DVD, Blu-ray,
digital thumb drive, Amazon Prime, vending machine.
What did you bring for the prize bag?
I don't mean to interrupt that,
but people know where they can find it, probably.
And I'm just happy to be here,
because every time I come to Fantastic Fest,
it's the one time a year I get to feel like
what, you know, Brad Pitt feels like all the time.
And also, if you're a dude
With glasses
And a beard
And I don't immediately
Remember you from last year
Cut me some slack
Cause
Come on man
Last year
I bought you a drink
It's including me
So
I'm trying to be kind
So I'm sorry
What'd you bring
For the prize bag?
Oh
Don't make me ask you again
Okay
So
The first thing I have is a,
it's a digital card that has all of the short films
of Nacho Vigalando,
but it comes in a bag of Nacho Doritos,
Nacho Cheese Doritos.
That's nice.
So if you're here at Fantastic Fest,
you love Nacho.
And then I have a Cheap Thrills Blu-ray digital HD
that is signed by myself
and this man here,
Evan Katz,
who directed the movie.
Yeah, we'll say hi to Evan
in a second.
Let's just start a pie's pile
at the front of the stage.
Just pile everything up
right there, yeah.
That way somebody can just
come up and pick up everything
because it's not going to all
fit in the bag that I brought.
How many names do you need to come up with the title of this movie, Pat?
Chris took all the names.
How many did you take?
I said seven.
Oh, he said seven.
Seven out of ten he took.
Seven of the cast members?
Yeah, he took seven out of ten.
One.
Can you go lower?
Oh!
Only one?
Yeah.
All right.
Bottom of the list.
It's 2009, you said, right?
Yeah, it's exciting
Alright, so now we're gonna go to
The man you just mentioned
Evan Katz is here, everybody
How's it going?
It's going good, buddy
You, I got to see last night
You have a very funny short in
I mean, it's supposed to be funny, right?
Also a little bit disturbing But everybody enjoyed it a great deal, I think, in the ABCs
of Death 2.
When can people outside of this festival see that movie?
I think Tim would know more than me.
Okay, we'll ask Tim when we get to him.
And do you have anything else you're working on, Evan?
Besides Cheap Thrills?
I'm working on a bunch of stuff.
It's just taking forever.
Alright. But yeah, I'm working on stuff.
Cool, and what did you bring for the prize bag?
I didn't really bring anything.
You're holding something right there in your hand.
This was handed to me. Oh, okay.
This is the Johnny Ryan art
of the Cheap Thrills
DVD cover. Oh, right on.
It's beautiful.
I'll also buy you a couple drinks if you win, too,
because that's not as cool as a...
Pat, if I were you, I would never wear that shirt
because it just gives drunks ideas.
Because it's Pat getting punched in the face very hard.
All right, so throw that on the prize pile, Evan.
And Pat bid merely one name,
so your only options are to bid zero names
or hope that Pat doesn't know what he's
talking about and say, Pat Healy,
name that movie.
Zero names.
Oh, boy.
Holy.
You know, these three guys have all been
on the show before, but now we're moving on
to first-time guest Noah Segan,
everybody.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Star of a movie
called Looper
that has a couple
other guys in it.
Who are they?
What is that movie about?
What Looper?
Yeah.
I couldn't figure it out.
Me neither.
Yeah I was like
where am I?
When is this?
Yeah.
And why did
why did Joseph Gordon-Levitt have to act like Bruce Willis,
but Bruce Willis didn't have to act like Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
Seemed like an unfair trade-off.
Not since John Travolta wasn't as good at impersonating Nicolas Cage.
Or was it the other way around?
But anyway.
Who's the international box office guy?
Off mic
Is that me?
Wait
What did you say Pat?
The guy who's the
International box office star
Gets the other guy
To imitate him
Nobody was impersonating
Jeff Daniels
So I don't know about that
What about
The prize bag
Noah
What'd you bring?
What did I bring?
I brought
So I'm here
At Fantastic Fest
With a movie
That I acted in and produced
called The Redeemer with
Marco Zarora, the Latin dragon.
And so you have a shirt and you signed it?
I brought a shirt, but I
customized it
in your honor.
The tagline is that
God is going to cut you down, but in this case, Doug
is going to smoke you out. Oh, case, Doug Is going to smoke you out
Oh, I like that
Oh, instead of cutting you down, I'll smoke you out
Signed it
Before I put you up for that
Alright, Noah
And I'm playing for John Voight
Or James
Or James Van Der Beek
I'm playing for Darcy
Here
Darcy Blues
She brought a Varsity Blues poster I don't want your for Darcy here. Darcy Blues. She brought a Varsity Blues poster.
I don't want your life.
Chased it to Darcy Blues.
Darcy.
I don't want your life, Darcy.
I don't want your life.
So, Noah, Evan said zero names.
So, does that mean that I only...
You could go negative.
If you think you know the name of the movie, you could say negative one.
Then you'd have to name the top build person.
Negative two, you'd have to name the top two build people.
I know, you're looking at me like,
what have I gotten myself into?
And now if I ask Pat to name that movie...
You can't. Pat is out of it.
Pat's out of it.
Yeah, Evan said he could do it with no names.
So that means he just knows the title of the movie
or is desperate to get off of this stage.
This is like a serious
bunt on, this is a suicide
bunt on Evan's part.
I think it might be and I apologize.
The question is should we take
Evan Katz out of his misery here?
Is this it?
Do you want the fight?
Evan's going to be so excited to get off this stage.
He knows
Tim's going to do all of his plugs when we get to him.
It's going to get really exciting once I see him.
No, I'm not going to plug anything about Cheap Thrills if you do this whack-ass move.
You want me to keep him in the game, Tim?
Is that it?
I feel like I'm kind of an asshole at heart, and so I feel like maybe you should, but no,
he's a really nice guy.
And I think he's...
He's sweet.
I mean, you guys can't see...
Go with your heart.
He's flop sweating right now, you guys.
I think Evan might need to name that movie.
All right, Evan.
It's yours to lose, buddy.
What's the name of the movie?
Antichrist.
Fuck.
I think you could have gotten this.
Does any of you think you actually know the name of the movie?
I think I do.
What is it, Pat?
Is it not Frost Nixon?
No.
No.
We established pretty early on that it's not Frost Nixon.
He didn't correct you.
Frost Nixon.
Is it Frost Dixon? was the prequel to Frozen.
The movie in question
You're off the hot seat there, Evan.
Because thank you for playing.
The movie's called Watchmen.
And of course it has
it has Richard Nixon
and a big blue penis
Let's hear it for Evan Katz everybody
Such a good sport
Participating he emailed me today saying
You know what I was drunk when I said I would do it
And I said well just get drunk
Again and do it
That would be a simple enough solution.
But now we move on to Mr. Tim League is here, everybody.
The man who thought of this festival.
His idea.
And Tim, what's the most fantastic thing
that you think is going to happen at this festival this year?
Because you do a lot of crazy shit. Last night I cut my abdomen open. Yeah, so it's already happened? Yeah, I don't know.
It's not the most fantastic thing. It's like a Cronenberg scar. You know what? Actually, I'm
going to use this opportunity to show this right here. This is my name tag. Leonard fucking
Malton is coming to Fantastic Fest. And he wants to play.
And so that might be the most
fantastic thing that has ever happened
in this state. So
I'm pretty stoked about that. Yeah, next week
you're going to play a game with Leonard called
Malton's Game. It's not the Leonard
Malton game, but
it sounds like also a really fun game
where everybody pretends to write
it's like Balderdash, but instead of definitions of words, you write fake reviews of movies.
In the style of Leonard Maltin.
In the style of Mr. Leonard Maltin.
And then everybody has to guess if it's real or not.
And you're going to play with Leonard Maltin.
Well, it's like a poker tournament, so there's going to be seven tables.
Oh, my God. The winners of the seven tables get to face the motherfucking master at the final table, Leonard Maltin, where I hope that he schools everybody in his words.
So I've been playing this game for like 15 years, and there's very specific tropes that Leonard Maltin goes to or his staff of writers go to.
What movie has he reviewed that isn't overlong?
If you throw in the word overlong, it's going to sound like Leonard.
La Jetee.
That's it.
All right, Tim, what did you bring for the prize bag?
So I completely probably destroyed the inventory system at Draft House,
and I just stole this stuff from the front counter because everybody thinks that I work here.
And so I got this sweet-ass Fantastic Fest belt buckle,
a couple T-shirts.
If these aren't your size,
ah, screw you.
I'm not going to change them out.
No, I'll change them out, whatever.
And this is one of the last 30 copies
of the ABC's of Death children's book.
Is it pop-up?
No, but it's really wonderful.
It's this renowned children's illustrator
who was really happy for us to work with him
because he's never drawn a big pile of severed heads
and penises and things like that.
That's great.
All right, Tim, are you ready to play
Did I Ask You Everything I Was Supposed to Ask?
Do you ever pick favorites at the festival?
I mean, I guess you purchase and distribute
the ones you really like
if you can. But like,
is there a movie that's playing this
fest that you think is like
the greatest? I'm going to pick a weird
underdog movie that I'm quite
smitten with. It's the very last film.
I don't know, Puberty or something.
Last film? Time for a change!
You get a time machine out of a DeLorean?
Anyway.
It's the last movie you're going to show.
No, last movie we programmed at the festival.
Oh, okay.
And it's a movie called I Am a Knife with Legs.
I'm excited for that.
And I think it's pretty badass.
And I want everybody to love and adore this movie as much as I do.
I can't wait to see it.
Your category, Tim, is called Rush.
And it's best picture Oscar winners that are under 100 minutes long.
Doesn't happen very often, but it does happen.
doesn't happen very often right but it does happen and uh you get to pick a year between 1955 1977 and 1989 1989
three stars from leonard and you're coming up next scott so be ready
three settle down three stars from leonard he calls this movie genteel and you're coming up next, Scott, so be ready. All right, you got it. Settle down.
Three stars from Leonard.
He calls this movie genteel.
He also says about this movie that it won the Oscar for best screenplay.
Oh, and this is a fun clue.
And for makeup.
And he lists five names.
Just five names.
How many names?
And it's not Tootsie guy in the audience who yelled out.
You said 89, right?
Did I?
Yeah.
89.
Tootsie did not come out in 1989.
I think he was just being silly, but I still don't like it.
So I'm really terrible at movie trivia, so Scott's already got it.
So, say five names.
Say five names.
Yeah, because if Scott says name it, I'll name all five names, and you'll know what it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Scott next?
Oh, because Scott thinks he knows it, so I'll go two names.
Okay.
All right, so now Scott can ask you to name it, and you probably just screwed yourself.
Sorry, dude.
My bad.
I was just trying to be a dick.
Or let's say hi.
Let's talk to him for a second, though.
Let's say hi.
Scott Weinberg is here, everybody.
Film critic and friend of mine based out of Philadelphia,
one of the better cities.
It's not Austin.
Yeah, talk into your microphone.
You've been yelling shit all day.
Sorry, man.
You finally get your chance, and your microphone's down between your knees.
I'm aware of how fucking loud my Jewish voice is,
so I try to avoid the microphone whenever possible.
Try and avoid the anti-Semitism.
Players that are still in are leaving the stage.
I know.
It's because they know.
When you get around to Weinberg and Lynch, just give up, man.
They're just ordering drinks like I'm about to.
Tall vodka tonic on stage, please.
There you go.
Scott, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Jeremy in the Kingdom of Women.
Oh, and that's a poster that's probably sitting around here at the festival
because there's a movie called Jackie in the Kingdom of Women
that I've heard is quite good.
It's fucking amazing.
Definitely check out that movie.
I think it's a promotional tie-in with Taco Bell.
Jeremy in the Kingdom of Women.
Where's Jeremy? Right there?
All right.
All right, Scott.
And what do you got to plug?
Where can people...
You're Scott E. Weinberg on Twitter?
I am.
Everybody in this room probably already follows me on Twitter.
I don't follow you on Twitter.
Tim does not, but that's okay.
If you want your Twitter feed,
if you want to see the egg from Alien
over and over and over and over again,
then Scott's the man to follow.
All right, we're not going to get into
what Twitter means to me right now, all right?
All right. I'll get upset. But no,'re not going to get into what Twitter means to me right now. Alright? Alright. I'll get upset.
But no, I have nothing
to plug because
FearNet got shut down, so I'm
unemployed right now. If anybody needs a
pothead film critic, you know, email me
or get me on Twitter.
Will you do like private parties
and stuff? Sure. Just come in and
spout off about cinema?
This is a God's honest truth story.
I used to get paid $150
every other week to go to North Jersey
and talk to suburban housewives
and husbands about an art film
of the week. So I'd get
paid money to go out and talk to them about
like, in the kingdom of
Eli and shit like that. And they
paid me because I was a film critic.
What a great gig. No, I just made that title.
In the Kingdom of E-Law, everyone.
Who could forget that one?
Starring Pat Healy and Noah Segan.
What'd you bring for the prize bag, Scott?
I brought...
I brought...
I brought a really rare screener copy
of a film called Zombie Girl, the movie.
That was in the Kingdom of E-Law.
Yeah, which is a documentary
about a very close friend of this festival,
Emily Higgins,
who directed more films before she was 18
than any of us ever will, including you.
All right, don't need to point fingers.
All right, so pass that down to Noah or Tim
and put it on the prize pile.
And light that shit on fire.
Yeah, somebody's going to win a lot of crap.
And so Tim just said two names he can get it in.
All right, so I want to play the game to extend the game, play it fun.
I'm going to say I can get it in one name.
All right.
And I'm going to pass it along and apologize to Joe Lynch for busting his balls, this handsome
Treat Williams-looking motherfucker right here.
Joe Lynch is here, everybody.
Joe Lynch.
I would say a little more Dan Aykroyd than Treat Williams, but thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hi.
Hi, Doug.
Thank you for being here, Joe Lynch, director of a movie that's playing this Saturday night,
tomorrow night, here at the festival, and I cannot wait to see it, called Everly.
Yes.
And it stars Salma Hayek
and an automatic weapon.
It's basically her
and guns.
A lot of guns. A lot of bullets.
I'm in. I'm in. You've said too much.
You've said too much. Spoiler?
Spoiler. I spoiled? Yeah, I wanted just guns.
I wasn't even concerned if bullets were going to come out of them.
There's some blood.
Oh, good, good.
Okay, good.
And when can everybody see it?
Well, you all can see it Saturday night tomorrow night.
That's right.
I hope to see you there.
Or Tuesday.
I hear it's playing Tuesday as well.
It's going to be coming out in the, quote unquote, the winter by TWC Radius,
bringers of the fantastic film Snowpiercer.
Yeah. So we're in very good T.W.C. Radius brought bringers of the fantastic film Snowpiercer. We're in very good hands.
Snowpiercer.
That was fantastic, Pat.
Thank you.
Pat's just hanging on to a microphone.
This is the same microphone.
It's a train, a train that
pierces snow.
You want it?
You're so drunk so early.
Don't give me a beer and a mic.
In this room, remember when Joe
came up to do a Q&A for Wrong Turn
and I introduced him and he came up
and he was very humble and he literally, without saying
a word, lifted a leg and farted
into a microphone.
It's fucking fantastic, Fest, dude.
That's like, kind of goes without saying. And that's the microphone he's putting to fest, dude. That's like,
kind of goes with that saying. And that's the microphone
he's putting to his mouth now.
Joe, we got this.
I remember that
fucking microphone trick,
by the way,
if there's one person I do,
because we threw away
that microphone,
you dirty motherfucker.
You didn't immortalize that shit?
It's not hanging up
in the highball
like Planet fucking Hollywood?
Nobody wanted to clean it.
They're like,
it was a really juicy fart.
And it's like,
I'm not getting fucking within.
We can't give it
to another person.
Wow,
that's got personal.
Sorry.
Who are you playing for, Joe?
I am playing for
Jen Handorf,
who made this
delightful
indie film,
Blackard.
Yeah,
she's not even
from this country
and she came up
with a really good name tag.
Jen Handorf.
She's never even heard
my podcast until today
and she made that name tag.
You better catch up. You're leaking
dinosaurs everywhere, John. Oh, god damn it.
You and your dinosaurs. I'm spraying dinos everywhere.
You got one by your foot there. What do you have for the
bag, my friend? Well, since I was asked
five minutes before we started,
I unfortunately don't have anything
on me, but I will personally take you
to the vending machine out in the lobby
and you can take any pic you like
and I will get it signed by that
filmmaker before I die.
So, but if you want
the FP... That is a long
term offer, because you look like you could go...
I'm committed. I'm fucking committed to everything that Alamo
Drafthouse puts out. Wink, wink, wink.
So if you want cheap thrills, I can
make that shit happen. If you want the FP, I can take
me six weeks. If you want clown...
Make him track down Ted Kotcheff.
I can do the act of killing.
I can get the entire cast
of the act of killing
to sign as well.
Complete, complete with...
Not the entire cast.
I feel like some of those people
are not with us.
Most of the cast
of the act of signing.
Dude, it's just good to say
anonymous a thousand times
on the key.
Yeah, exactly.
Just anonymous,
anonymous, anonymous. All right, guys. Hi, exactly. Just anonymous, anonymous, anonymous.
All right, guys.
Hi, Doug.
Focus.
Okay.
Can you get that big penis to sign it?
That's how you focus.
I can make that happen.
Jump right back into it.
So wait.
So I have to tell Weinberg here to name that fucking movie?
I think so.
Can you go?
What are we at?
Two?
I said one.
He said one.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck you.
Name that movie.
All right. So I'm going to give you the one name, and then. Oh, yeah. Fuck you. Name that movie. All right.
So I'm going to give you the one name, and then you're going to tell me the title of
the movie.
Can I have the clues again, please?
Yeah, you can have the clues again.
Give Scott the mic so he can.
It's Gentile.
Yep, got it.
And it won some Oscars, including screenplay and makeup.
And your fifth name out of five is Esther Roll.
Esther Roll. And it's from 89. Your fifth name out of five is Esther Ruhl. Esther Ruhl.
And it's from 89.
Who, of course, played Flo Rida on The Jeffersons.
Wow.
The demographic for that joke is sitting on the stage. Fuck this entire room full of white people that did not get that joke.
Because that's the funniest thing that's happened this whole weekend.
And it's only Friday.
Damn, damn, damn.
Nobody?
All right.
Scott, do you have any idea?
Esther Rolle is in a movie from 1989?
Yeah, I hate to kick you off the stage so quickly,
but unless you can pull it,
I'm going to guess, think about what the category was
it's under 90 minutes long and it won best picture
a lot of people if you say best picture from 89
they already know the answer
it's Driving Miss Daisy
that's correct
I'm out now right
yeah Joe
Joe Lynch
Joe Lynch
so which servant did Esther Rolle play in that film Yeah, Joe. Joe Lynch, everybody. Joe Lynch.
So which servant did Esther Rolle play in that film?
She didn't play a businesswoman.
I know that very well.
It's a trick question because she's one of the students in Dead Poets Society as well.
So it could have been that.
All right, Scott. Take it easy, Scott. He knew it when he said 1985. All right, Scott.
Take it easy, Scott.
He knew it as soon as we said the year.
But then you were pretending like you didn't know.
It was an odd maneuver, but you're still here.
Yes, Scott!
Pop, pop, pop, poker face.
But now we have to move on to John Erler is here, everybody. Hey!
The master of all the pancakes, the master pancake man himself.
You're doing the master pancake tonight.
We're doing it tonight.
I have to leave at about 6.15, and we're going to go do Predator at the Ritz.
Predator.
That's a nice one.
How can you make fun of Predator?
Well, we actually have the star of Predator right
here beside me down here.
He wasn't in
Predator. He was in Battlefield Earth.
Also solid.
The caveman's
Valentine. Yeah, that's
maybe my favorite. Sam Jackson
in a cave playing the violin. That's my favorite
thing ever.
John,
who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Children's Hospital of Pflugerville tonight for
all the kids there who are looking for a better
chance. Brown nose!
I'm not playing
for them. I'm playing... All the good
stuff was taken by the time I
made my way to the audience. The hoverboard was
gone. The Jurassic Park thing was gone.
So I picked the most sincere guest
here tonight, who I judge to be a person
named Jamila Winsky.
Thanks, Jamila.
Yeah, you got her Fantastic Fest badge.
Who's involved with something
called Whispers Behind the Wall.
And what are you contributing to the prize bag, John?
I am contributing a Master Pancake t-shirt
Very rare item
This is circa 2009
Is that stain? What is that on this?
It's got some juice stains on it
Nothing to be afraid of
I want to know what you think that is
Yeah, please
Oh, shit
Oh, no
We're going to find out if it's cake frosting or jizz, ladies and gentlemen.
Noah Segan.
I'm an actor, and I can tell you that it's definitely semen.
It is definitely semen.
His name's Segan, and he knows it's semen.
So this is probably, the semen probably belongs to Owen Edgerton, who is another member of the Master Pancake team.
That's what I'm guessing.
He Master Pancaked all over that shirt.
He absolutely did.
And also from about 2009, we made fun of the movie E.T.,
which I know is hard to believe, but somehow we found a way to do it.
And as a souvenir from that experience, I bought the book Letters to E.T.
These are actual letters written by old people and children to E.T.
after the movie came out. Retarded old people and children to E.T. after the movie came out.
Retarded old people
and children
wrote to a robot.
All right, Scott.
You're yelling and you don't have a microphone.
Nobody wins
when that happens.
John?
Yes.
The category
celebrating a birthday today
Let's hear it for him
The great Paul Williams
Great songwriter
Talk show host
Cocaine themed
He did it all
And he also appeared in
Swan
He also appeared in some films
So it's the films of Paul Williams.
And this particular one is from 1973.
Okay.
Two stars from Leonard.
Can I get another one when you get a chance?
Hi.
And Noah wants another beverage, too.
He's doing the...
And John.
We'll get to you, John, soon.
Can I get a Bud Light, please?
I gotta keep my age.
Doug loves ordering drinks.
That's for the people who brought names.
That's a fun pass.
Fuck it.
Two stars from Leonard for this movie
that has Paul Williams in it from 1973.
He calls it substandard.
He also says that they use good footage from other films.
All right.
Yeah, but, you know, that helps, he says, but not much.
Okay.
And he lists six names.
How many names can you get in, John Erler?
Master Pancake. I can do that film in zero names. How many names can you get in, John Earler? Master Pancake.
I can do that film in zero names.
Yes!
Exciting bit.
Now we go to and say hello to Charlie Hodge, everybody.
Charlie Hodge is here.
You got that right.
What's your podcast called?
The HodgeCast.
There you go.
You know, it's a real way homer, Doug.
What does that mean?
Takes you till you're on your way home to get it.
Oh, okay.
You know?
I don't know if there's any significance to this, but there is a fire truck outside.
That's all part of my deal.
Flashing lights.
Tim, Tim, sorry, you're spoiling my intro.
I got some greased up firemen that are going to run in here
all as part of the Charlie Hodge part of this deal.
If this show got shut down right now, I wouldn't feel too bad about it.
I don't know how we're going to get done in the allotted amount of time.
We've got 38 minutes to eliminate all of you fuckers.
They don't bring the whole truck when it's like a crowd deal.
They just put like a guy in a Suburban shows up, right?
Yeah, why are they here?
What's going on?
It's like a whole truck.
From the black history in Texas, they definitely bring the whole truck when it's a crowd problem.
It's no big deal. Somebody crowd problem. Oh, somebody passed.
No, it's no big deal.
Somebody passed out.
So anyway.
Excellent.
No, they're here paramedic style.
Like, there's always a fire truck with the paramedics.
There's the paramedics.
Yes.
E-M-S.
E-M-S.
All right.
So people don't cheer them when they come into the scene usually. You guys, when they walk through here, everybody cheer them.
They do not get enough
support for the hard work that they're doing
helping
people that have passed out.
Oh, you get a bill for that
shit. That is
not out of the goodness of their heart.
If you pass out and an ambulance
comes, you will get a bill.
No, that's the key when you're fucked up is to stay conscious so you can say no ambulance.
Because if you say no, they can't put you in it and charge you for it.
What did you bring for the prize bag, Charlie?
Well, I brought 80% of the content of my swag bag from the Twin Peaks Golf Tournament,
which includes a towel, this fishing lure made out of a bottle cap,
$5 off, like a discounted round of golf, plus this nifty cup and a koozie.
All of that is on the pile.
Throw all that out there.
Throw it on the pile.
That towel is filthy.
You guys can't see it from here,
but there's like blood stains
on that towel.
I cut my knee playing golf and I used that to sop up
my knee blood.
But I looked online
that after three weeks, knee blood
is negated of all
grodiness and or danger.
So the winner gets Ebola.
That's great.
How many names can you get it in, Charlie?
I believe John said.
Six.
How many?
You said zero?
You said zero.
Yes.
You got to go negative or just say John Erler, name that movie, and hope that he doesn't know it.
Do you think you know what it is?
No.
Oh.
Well, I mean, you could...
Name that movie.
All right, here we go.
John Erler, give me the correct title, the exact title of this film to remain in the
game and send Charlie Hodge, who we just met...
Tastypodcast.com. That's where my podcast is. Okay, good. I'm glad you got that in. Remain in the game and send Charlie Hodge, who we just met.
Tastypodcast.com.
That's where my podcast is. Okay, good.
I'm glad you got that in.
I guess I have to get out of here.
What's it called, John?
I'm going to say Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
Well, you know what?
You had to get out of here by 6.15 to get over to the Predator.
I called it an interruption.
Master Pancake Show the movie's called Battle for the Planet of the Apes
thank you
let's hear it for John Erler everybody
thank you for coming John
good job
charge your power
John charge your power
you can take that Bud Light with you
or throw it in the prize bag.
Get to it, Sean.
Whatever you want to do.
Equip.
Let's meet our final of the ten contestants.
Now that we've knocked out three people and it's finally come around to John Smith is here, everybody.
Oh!
Some call him John W. Smith.
That's correct.
Especially via email.
Exactly.
And John, what do you want to do first?
It sounds like you're ready to go.
I'm ready to go.
I work with Master Pancake as well.
Master Pancake.
We'll also be at Fun Fun Fun Fest coming up soon.
Oh, yeah.
Master Pancake's going to do a Fun Fun Fun Fest show.
That's awesome.
That's right.
I'll also be hosting the Geeks Who Your Drink pub quiz here on Wednesday night.
Come out for that. Pub quiz.
And what's in the prize bag?
There's a little boy. Oh, excuse
me. Sorry. A little boy!
I'll get to the little boy later on.
I always do. I've got
two dollars and a
Breathe Right nose strip.
Yeah, toss
it on the pile. Use them wisely.
It'll help. It's going to make such a warm fire
later. Shit, Don Johnson got old.
Did anybody see that dude
who just walked past the stage?
Holy shit. I thought that was
Seymour Cassell.
John,
who are you playing for?
I'm playing for a kid named Evan.
He's there at the front row.
He's got great hair.
His name tag says Evan Horizon Event.
It's got serial killer handwriting.
It's beautiful.
He's a sex pervert.
Whenever you're saying you're playing for a kid,
it's always like you're Babe Ruth and somebody has cancer.
I'm calling my shot for you, Evan.
Or you're in Bangkok and you're playing cards for a kid.
It's true.
I never said, I will get this child if I win this game.
That can be arranged later on, buddy.
I never said who I was playing for.
Oh, yeah.
Who are you playing for, Charlie?
Keith, middle name Danger Ruckus.
That's right.
Hey!
From Ruckus Cafe, contributor to the prize bag.
He can win his own shit.
Yeah, you get your own mug back.
I love it.
I know that dude from Twitter.
Where are you?
Hi.
Hey, man.
He's over there, yeah.
You also know him from coming to this festival every year.
He's one of those guys with a beard and not glasses, but...
No. Familiar face. All right, John. Your category. Yes. Coming to this festival every year. He's one of those guys with a beard and not glasses, but...
Familiar face.
All right, John.
Your category...
Yes.
And then we're coming to you, Chris Cubis.
Your category is Batman versus Bateman.
And that's movies that have Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, or both.
All right?
Okay.
And the year is 2007.
Leonard Maltin calls this movie a one and a half star film.
Yeah, he did not care for it.
He says a good cast can't save it.
He says it's unwieldy.
That word is unwieldy.
And he says Matthew Fox is unrecognizable in a cameo.
I don't know how Leonard figured it out if he was unrecognizable.
And then Leonard lists a whopping 16 names.
Oh, shit.
How many names can you get in, John?
I don't know if I could recognize Matthew Fox right now.
He's in the crowd.
He's lost in the crowd.
Match move.
He's sitting over there with a party of five.
He's his character from Alex Cross.
I can name that film.
Is it Tyler Perry?
Is that his character from Alex Cross?
Woo!
EMS!
EMS!
EMS! EMS! EMS!
EMS!
EMS!
Fire Department 2!
Fire Department 2!
Fire guys are great. I'd like to point out they are as handsome as we think that they are.
Yeah.
I saw December and February walk out of here.
That was beautiful.
That one guy, though, he left a real backdraft.
Juggalo's movies, you guys. That one guy though, he left a real backdraft Doug loves movies Doug loves movies
15 names, John says 15 names
Chris
I'm a professional, 14 names
Alright, Pat Healy
3
3 names
It's quite a jump, Noah Segan.
What are you going to do with that?
Pass him the mic there, Pat.
So if I can name two names, we're good to go?
What?
If you can name the movie and the top two billed people in the right order,
you could say negative two, yeah.
No, he's saying if you get two from the bottom of the cast list.
Yeah. If you say two names, that means you he's saying if you get two from the bottom of the cast list. Yeah.
If you say two names,
that means you have to name,
you get the movie,
you have to guess the movie
in the bottom two names
of the cast list.
In the bottom two names.
Bottom two.
You don't have to name them.
He's going to give them to you.
Now, if I go no names
and that's just a movie.
You name the movie.
Nail it.
Like a goddamn G.
Yeah.
I'm going to go,
I'm going to go,
I'm going to go no names.
Yeah.
Zero names, he says. I'm going to go no names. Zero names, he says.
I'm going to go no names.
All right, Tim Lee gets the mic again.
No, so you can name that movie.
All right.
Tim's happy to leave the stage.
Can you please repeat the details of the film?
All 20 minutes of it.
One and a half stars from Leonard.
Prepare to close his loop.
Let's get this over with.
It's got Bateman or Batman in it.
Right.
And he says a good cast can't save an unwieldy movie.
And Matthew Fox is unrecognizable.
Oh, Scott Weinberg figured it out.
Is it extract?
What?
Is it extract?
No, but they are in it together.
Son of a bitch.
But it's also not unwieldy extract, I don't think.
And Matthew Fox is definitely not an extract in any guys.
The motion picture is called Smokin' Aces.
Smokin' Aces.
With Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck.
Let's hear it for Noah Segan, everybody.
First time player.
I recognize Matthew Fox
as the hotel clerk, desk clerk
in that movie.
I remember when I saw it.
What does Matthew Fox look like recognizable?
Yeah, I don't know.
It looked like him to me.
Like his character in Alice in Paradise.
He looks like Guy Smiley
from the Sesame Street.
All right, Scott. It's coming to you now Like his character in Alex Frost. It looks like Guy Smiley from the Sesame Street. All right, Scott.
It's coming to you now, buddy.
I hear you.
Rapid fire, rapid fire.
This category is called the El Duderino category.
Got it.
Because some movie titles are seven words or more
because they're not into that whole brevity thing.
Oh.
So this movie has seven words or more because they're not into that whole brevity thing oh so this movie has seven words or
more in the title one and a half stars from leonard malton and his team 1969 is the year
he says about this movie that it's british you know how in quotes at the beginning of the review
it'll say american or whatever this one says brit, just to help you out. He also says it's a Fellini-influenced mess.
Yeah. And it stars two people that were newly husband and wife, probably as husband and
wife in the movie. And Leonard lists six names.
How many names can you get in?
Scott Weinberg, Scott E. Weinberg.
And you said it was 1969.
69, dude!
Okay.
I did.
And then Charlie found the comedy in that.
I did.
Dug it right up.
Our genitals are connected with other mouths
I'm gonna
I'm gonna
I would need
I would need more
than a few names
for this
I don't know
if I like connected
I don't
the whole human centipede
thing's a bummer
I could
I need
I would need
four names
four
he says four Charlie
ooh
can I
can I say five
no how many times have you been on this show lots but uh Ooh, can I say five? No.
How many times have you been on this show?
Lots, but John Erler can attest.
I have slow cognitive skills.
Am I even using that word right?
No?
Well, what are you going to do?
You got to go less than five or ask him to name it.
He might not know it.
With five names.
I think I'm going to say
name that movie.
He already pulled one out
with the Driving Miss Daisy thing.
Yeah, it's really a tough obscure one there, Doug.
Driving Miss Daisy.
I know what I need to make water.
Check your fucking time.
It's right.
All right, so you get all the names but one, right?
Six names, you get five of them?
I said four.
I said I would need four, if we're being honest.
I'm going to give you five.
Okay.
Whoa.
What the shit?
All right.
I'll just give him four.
Four.
Based on what?
One more time.
Jesus.
What?
He said it was based on Fellini.
Thank you.
No, he says Fellini influenced.
Fellini influenced.
Mess.
Mess.
Yeah. So it's not the incredibly strange creature Mess. Like a real life husband and wife.
Seven words or more.
It's British. Has seven words or more in the title.
1969.
And your four names
are Stubby K,
Georgie Jessel,
Georgie Jessel,
It's everyone
in this movie in blackface.
All those names sound very minstrelsy.
Eddie Cantor.
Al Jolson.
They came from musical comedy, probably, those guys.
Connie Kresge.
And your fourth name, this might help you, probably not,
Milton Berle is in this movie.
So the only two names you're not getting is the aforementioned couple who star in the film and were a real life couple.
1969.
More than seven words.
Fellini inspired.
Gig Young.
Is that what you said?
I don't even remember.
Oh, God.
I'm just going to guess because I got an intro movie in like 10 minutes.
I'm going to guess the incredibly strange creatures who stop living and blah, blah, God. I'm just going to guess, because I've got to intro a movie in like 10 minutes.
I'm going to guess the incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and blah, blah, blah.
That would be great if Milton Berle was living. It's not British, but that's okay.
Or it doesn't have Milton Berle in it.
This was a really tough one.
Oh, sorry, Pat Healy.
I'm so sorry.
And for the record, it's the incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and became mixed-up zombies.
You can have my job, and I'll do what you do.
Good luck with that.
I'll do both.
All right, so I failed.
You got rid of me.
I'm off.
Oh, shit.
What a horrible way to leave.
Let's hear it for Scott Weinberg, everybody.
What is the movie, by the way?
It's called, and this was a tough one.
Does anyone in the audience think they know what it is?
It's a really hard one.
This is a real movie called
Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Hump and Find True Happiness?
What?
That's the name of a fucking movie
that starred Anthony Newley and Joan Collins.
God's honest truth, because I am a molten generation guy, I's Honest Truth, Because I Am a Molten
Generation Guy. I have heard the title,
but I've never seen it, and I never would have guessed that.
Thank you. Scott Weinberg, everybody.
Scott Weinberg. Are you sure that's a movie
or a Fiona Apple album
name? I don't know what...
I'm trying to get any. Yeah, that's a good one.
I often survive
by just not saying anything.
Yeah, that's my strategy.
Oh, by the way, the EMS situation is on the toilet in the men's room.
If anyone wants to get uncomfortable, that's why it took me so long to pee.
There's EMS trying to find a dude in the bathroom.
I was like, is this a...
But they left already.
No, there are two EMS in the men's room.
Oh, those are just ones just are just having a good time.
No.
I asked.
I was like, is the beans above the frank?
Is this something about Mary's situation?
They said, not that cool.
This has been your Cubist News Network update.
All right.
We have five players.
May 5.
There's an Elvis impersonator that had the poutine on the menu.
That's what's going on
in the toilet in there.
Oh, okay.
So, just in case
anyone's wondering.
Nobody's wondering.
No.
I thought I'd throw
that out there, Doug.
Yes.
If I have to go
introduce a movie
real fast,
can I pre-say
what my answer is?
No, pick somebody
out of the audience to be your proxy.
Yeah, let's have somebody fill in for you.
You're a champion.
The guy you're playing for
could take your seat, yeah.
But I never really said who I was
playing for, and so I'll read it
right now. The card says,
shitheads do not read out loud.
I'm just kidding.
Hey, guys. Hi. There's no! I'm just kidding. Hey, guys.
Hi.
There's no way I'm going to put this on the internet.
Why do you think I'm so drunk, Doug?
All right, yeah.
Tim's going to be back in five minutes, everybody.
This is Paul, everybody.
Paul.
Interesting scheduling.
Paul, you better fucking be here when I get back, man.
Don't screw this shit up.
I promise.
Oh, Paul's very cocky.
Where are you from, Paul?
Brooklyn.
Brooklyn, cool.
All right.
The Austin of the North.
Well done, Brooklyn.
Thank you very much.
So starting now, we change direction every round.
So we're going to start with John and then go to Charlie and then you, Paul.
I'm ready.
So look out.
And John gets to pick a category.
Ooh.
I mean, gets to take the category I give him.
Because now we got 21 minutes to wrap this thing up.
We can do it.
This category is called You Say Ferrera, I Say Ferrara.
And it's the films of America, Ferrera, I say Ferrara. And it's the films of America, Ferrera,
and Jerry Ferrara.
And this particular
one is from the year
2006. Three
stars from Leonard. He says
about this movie that it's about
four pals.
And he also says
Kyle McLaughlin
of the Chin and Twin Peaks fame, appears unbilled in this movie for whatever reason.
And Leonard lists 11 names, it looks like.
Yeah, 11 names.
How many names can you get in Master Pancakes, John Smith?
Four pals, you said?
Four pals. It's about four pals, you said? Four pals.
It's about four pals.
Eleven names? Eleven names.
Clearly there's four pals
and then a bunch of other people. At least.
Seven more people.
That are not pals. Let's do ten names.
Ten, he says, Charlie Hodge.
Ten. That is a
plump number of names.
I feel like I could do it in nine.
See, that's the way to play.
Paul, zero names.
Now that's another way to play.
Ruining Tim's chances.
So gangster.
Pat Healy needs a microphone.
So I either have to guess the movie or tell him to guess it.
Or you can go negative if you want.
Do you think you know what it is?
What does negative one mean?
Negative one means you name the movie
and you have to say something bad about it.
And you have to name the top billed person
if you say negative one.
I'm going to go for it.
2006?
Yeah. That's a man's movie. No, no for it. 2006? Yeah.
That's a man's move.
No, no, 8.
8, 8, 8.
2008?
Yeah, yeah.
Jerry.
Is that what I said earlier?
You said 6.
I get my 6s and 8s mixed up.
Or 8.
I did?
I said 6 or 8?
You said 6.
Is it 8?
It's 8.
I'm pretty sure it's 8.
Don't make me take out my reading glasses.
So if I say negative one, I have to name the top elder actor and name what the movie is?
Mm-hmm.
I'll go for it.
All right.
Now we go to Chris Cubis.
Well, name that movie.
Chris says name it because he has no idea.
That means Tim Surrogate said zero names and he didn't even have the correct year.
He was just trying to blow the spot up.
He was going Jeremy Winner on Tim's spot. I think he trying to blow the spot up. He was going, Jeremy
Winner on Tim Spock. I think he still knows what the movie
is. I think he knows.
They made it twice?
Do I have to guess it? Yeah, I said name it.
I need top build.
What's the movie called and then what's the
top build person? Is it Alec Baldwin
in Brooklyn Rules?
No.
Let's hear it for Pat, everybody.
Pat Healy is leaving the stage.
Traveling pants too soon.
What was the movie?
Don't put the mic on the ground.
There's other players still.
Traveling pants or ya-ya sisterhood?
It's called The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2.
No.
It's Deuce.
The Deuce is's the pants. It's deuce. The deuce. The deuce.
The deuce is in the pants.
Yeah, and the top billed person, of course, would be Mrs. David Cross.
Amber Tamblyn.
Daughter of Russ Tamblyn, who was a jet or a shark.
See, I was thinking it was Blake Lydon.
He was a shark.
No, he was a jet.
Good job, Paul, though.
You're keeping it going for Tim. I kind of want to keep it going Blake Lydon. He was a shark. No, he was a jet. Good job, Paul, though. You're keeping it going for Tim.
I kind of want to keep it going until Tim gets back.
So he can swoop in and claim victory when you did all the hard work.
But, yeah, it means we're going to back up and go the different direction.
So we're going to start with who challenged who there?
Yeah, yeah.
So we're going to start with you, Paul.? Yeah, yeah. So we're going to start with you, Paul.
All right, Paul.
And then go to Charlie.
And your category is, this category has come up a lot on the show, Penny Dreadful.
And that's Penny Marshall movies that Leonard Maltin gave two or less stars.
And the year is 2001.
Two stars from Leonard.
He calls this movie well-acted but uneven.
Says it was inspired by a memoir.
And that there's many holes in the script.
And he lists 11 names.
How many can you get it in?
Paul, last name
unknown. Aftanus
is my last name. What's your last name?
Aftanus. Okay, let's stick with just Paul.
Lap dance?
Let me do five names.
Five, he says, Charlie.
Negative one.
Oh!
The sleeping bear awakes.
You've got male Tom Hanks.
What are you doing?
Pass the microphone.
Oh.
So Charlie's bid is negative one.
Is negative one.
Because you can either say,
name that movie.
It's a Penny Marshall film from 2001.
Sure.
Let me just throw it out there
just because it's in the room.
You can say negative.
She did not direct that movie
that he just named.
So you're in the catbird seat here,
John Smith, because...
You leave Nora Ephraim out of this.
Did Nora Ephraim direct that movie?
I'm just guessing.
Penny Marshall did the screenplay then, I'm pretty sure.
She had her hands all over that.
You've got mail?
Yeah.
No.
Shouldn't have anything to do with it.
Rob Reiner's in it, I think.
No, he's in Sleepless in Seattle.
Same fucking movie. All right. It he's in Sleep is in Seattle. Same fucking movie.
All right.
It's like Sleep is in Seattle.
You've got mail.
It's Sleep is in Seattle with AOL.
John?
I haven't been paying attention for the last five minutes.
Charlie, name that movie.
All right, Charlie.
You have to name the top billed person
and the name of the movie,
and I've already told you that it's not the thing you already guessed.
Do you have a new guess?
League of Their Own, Tom Hanks.
That was a great guess, but it's not correct.
It's Riding in Cars with Boys, and Drew Barrymore was the top-billed person in that.
Let's hear it for Charlie Hodge, everybody.
That movie showed her tits. That movie showed her tits. Barrymore was the top billed person at that. Let's hear it for Charlie Hodge, everybody.
That movie showed her tits. That movie showed her tits.
Are you...
Do you have an applause sign?
Yes, you do.
You're dressed like a cigarette girl
and you have an applause sign. That's pretty great.
Was that your name tag and nobody
picked it? No, she was not here.
I can promise you that.
Chris has got his... he's got all the hot
ladies dialed up.
He knows where they are and what
they're doing.
I'm not a sexual predator.
He is.
All he does up here is stare at the hot
ladies. No, clearly by
the nine empty glasses.
Oh, my God.
Why are you getting a different size glass every drink you order?
I was trying to order Jager Bombs.
There are drinks you haven't finished yet.
No, there are not.
Come on.
Chris, she's leaving.
She's leaving.
Oh, no.
Come back.
That's fine.
Goodbye.
Tell my story. Whatever.
It was 1930.
She wouldn't fuck a black dude anyway.
It's totally fine.
Oh, jeez.
I'm making it weird.
God bless.
Alright. Okay, so
we were going
this way. You challenged him, so we're gonna go
to Chris first and then to John
and then to Paul. Alright, I gotta focus.
Very exciting and I think we can
finish in a reasonable amount of time.
That's right. Yeah, we're doing great.
Thanks for the wink-wink, Doug.
Let's check in with the...
No, I mean we got time.
Let's check in with the audience.
How are you guys doing?
Yeah!
Really?
You're right there.
You're not even going to pretend to clap.
I hate everybody.
Yeah, you know, I think it's going pretty well considering we're in a loud bar during an event.
People are having fun.
I'm still trying to win for my dude.
People are having a great time.
I'm trying.
Playing strategy.
I'm here at the bottom three.
Yeah.
Top three, I think it's called.
Top three.
Apparently I'm a submissive.
I didn't know.
You had no idea.
All right, Alright Chris your category
Give me something good
I hope you think it's good I've been throwing out some real bummers
This one is
As suggested by Bugs Bottom
I think he's got a couple of them in here
Snowpiercer
What do you think that is?
I remember
You've done it already on the show right
It's Movies where someone is killed by an icicle What do you think that is? I remember you've done it already on the show, right?
It's movies where someone is killed by an icicle.
I'm a goddamn fan.
That's why I'm on the stage.
1990 is the year.
Okay.
Three stars from Mr. Maltine.
Sure.
He calls this movie stupendously unbelievable.
Sure.
But then tacks on,
but very entertaining.
Yeah.
I'm going to go negative one.
He says negative one because he's had some time
to think about this.
And then which way
did I say we were going to go?
I don't know.
To John because he challenged last.
Okay.
Negative one.
He says negative one, John.
Stupendously unbelievable.
Someone dies via
icicle.
I should have asked everybody to give me their name tags
when they got knocked out so I could
read all
the shitheads. If you had a name tag
and they got knocked out, put it
back up here if you can, and I'll read
your shithead.
Name that movie, Chris.
Alright. I hate to see
John Smith go, but I think that
Chris has this pretty locked in.
The movie is Die Hard 2,
Die Harder, and the top
build is Bruce Willis.
Wait, what did you get? Didn't you bid zero?
I said negative one. Oh, negative one.
What do you guys think?
Okay, I'm going to give it to you.
But it's just Die Hard 2.
Oh.
Yeah.
But you know what I mean?
The marketing subtitle, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go.
Let's hear it for John Smith, everybody.
John Smith.
Oh, thank you.
It's not Die Hard 2, Die Harder?
I really thought Die Harder was...
I'm pretty sure...
Well, on the VHS...
You also fucked me up on No Nouns with 48 Hours
because I really thought it was 48 Hours, not HRS.
The internet's never going to hear this.
No Nouns?
It was No Vowels.
Nouns!
Yeah, I'm pretty drunk.
We're doing all right.
I'm pulling for you, man. I'm trying.
Somebody's getting deported.
I hope the listeners...
That's a racist Mexican joke.
I hope the listeners heard that glass broke.
That's like a perfect, like...
You know, what's going on here today.
Because it's like... There's a lot of people here that are super psyched about what's happening.
And then there's other people here.
Who are not so much.
And two of them are on stage with me right now.
Yeah.
Paul and Chris, you guys.
Let's hear it for them.
This is the final round.
Woo!
Paul's going gonna win without
Tim League
What does that say?
Charlie Hodge's shithead
Charlie Hodge's shithead
It's not the actual shithead
You work here so when you put a note on the stage
We think you're telling us something we need to know
I thought it was gonna sign saying
Wrap it up or something
But it's your shithead.
All right.
I'll say it again.
And there's one on the hoverboard too, right?
Yeah, it's already there.
All right, cool.
And there's probably one on that Leonard Maltin guy.
I'm guessing.
All right.
So who just, you just named it.
So we'll start with Paul.
Cool.
And this category, I've been trying to get rid of it for a while.
It's finally going to happen.
A Prairie Home Companion.
Movies that have bestiality in them.
The year is 1972.
Ooh.
Three stars from Leonard Maltin.
Also weird.
He says about this movie that...
Super sexy.
He says the final sequence
is a gem.
And he also says
the shitheads are coming in.
And he also says
that this movie is uneven
and also at times
tasteless.
Tasteless and uneven.
And he lists a whopping 8, 11, 13, 19 names.
19 names listed for this movie that has bestiality in it.
How many can you get it in, dude?
What was the year again?
The year was
1972, about a good 20
or 30 years before you were born.
Let's do 11. He says 11.
I can't believe how
confidently and
smoothly Paul has stepped
into the show.
He's a scholar and a gentleman.
I would have had him be a guest before a lot of these guys.
Well, I listen to this in the car all the time.
For sure.
I try and play along with it. My guests often don't listen to the show, so they're very confused.
Noah Segan watched us do it here last year.
He was in the audience watching it happen, so.
Honestly, you said it's 19 total.
You said 11.
I said 11.
I'm going to say name it.
Oh, he's going to let you name it.
Because I have no idea what the fuck it is, so.
All right.
Put the pressure on him.
He gets 11 names, but I feel like how old it is might be a factor.
Do you know a lot of old movies, Paul?
Yeah.
From the 70s?
Yeah.
Would you say that the 70s was perhaps the greatest generation of filmmaking?
Because that's what I say all the time.
All the time?
Yeah.
Yeah, the little thing called Star Wars and The Godfather.
Yeah.
And then a bunch of other shit.
Isn't it Staying Alive from around that time, I think?
Chris, I'm going to declare him the winner if you talk like that.
The dance sequence at the end of Staying Alive is amazing.
Didn't you mean Saturday Night Fever?
I think you did.
No, but Staying Alive has an amazing dance sequence at the end of it,
also directed by Sylvester Stallone.
Are you really saying that?
Now I feel like I'm going to lose.
Like, you know shit. Well, I just
watched it. I don't know. Just watched
it from beginning to end? Yeah, it was
really funny. Oh my god. Alright,
here's your 11 names. I have a good
feeling about you now.
Yeah. Robert Walden,
Jay Robinson,
Jeffrey Holder. He's that
guy that used to go,
Regis Philbin, he's that guy that used to go,
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Sidney Miller,
Pamela Mason,
Heather McRae,
Robert D. Lewis,
Aaron Fleming.
What did Pat Healy just take off my table?
A badge.
Oh, okay.
Jack Barry.
You get 11?
It's 11.
All right.
Here we go.
Gene Wilder and Burt Reynolds.
Son of a bitch
Those are big names
Oh yeah they are
Oh my god
I've had nightmares
Gene Wilder
And Burt Reynolds
Were in a movie
That had bestiality in it
No one
Say shit out there
Don't say the name
From 1972
It's real prizes
I see two dollars
That's
Four Luthies
If you're in New York.
Settle down, McFly.
Me and you.
You butthead.
Once you make like a tree, get out of here.
Yeah.
Can I have the clues one more time?
Yeah, you can.
This is exciting.
And we still have four minutes.
Tim better not show the fuck up.
That guy is really
bad.
Oh no!
Oh no!
Oh no!
Tim League back to
take this thing home.
Oh, you son of a
bitch.
What a fantastic fest.
Who's punching you in the
face this year? Is it
Ty West? It might be you, I think.
I don't know. What did I miss? Bring me up to speed.
Who are you boxing on? When is it? Saturday?
I don't know. Some candy ass named Ty West.
Oh, shit.
Can I take that back?
That's going to be a tight... He's not going to
listen between now and tomorrow.
I know he watches MMA.
He's like a hardcore Joe Rogan dude.
He doesn't watch it.
He is an MMA fighter.
Oh, God.
What are you doing?
Just pull his Ed Hardy shirt over his head and go to town hockey style.
Just do it like that.
What's happening?
I have no idea what's going on.
Oh, motherfucker. I was so close to winning for you. And then... Fuck that guy. What's happening? I have no idea what's going on.
Motherfucker,
I was so close to winning for you.
And then,
fuck that guy.
You know what?
Hey,
Dursley Blues
doesn't have a shithead
I was supposed to be
playing for that guy.
I was the first guy
to get on the board.
I grabbed it.
I was having
a nice conversation.
You fucking plucked
it out of my hand.
Yeah,
because I have
a fucking hand.
This is what
karmic payback
looks like.
I don't know
why I'm so angry.
All right.
Doug, what's happening?
Tim League, this is going to be a very exciting finish
because it's between Chris and Paul.
Paul has really held up nicely.
He's done real well.
Made some really good moves.
It's like he listens to the podcast
and knows stuff about movies.
I'm going to try to get people who do both of those things
the next time I do a show.
And Darcy's writing down her shithead. I'm going to tell you all the information, Tim, and then you're going to try to get people who do both of those things the next time I do a show. And Darcy's writing down her shithead.
I'm going to tell you all the information, Tim, and then you're going to name this movie.
I feel that strongly that you're going to be able to do this.
Because Paul got 11 names out of 19.
And this movie, the category is it's got bestiality in it.
Oh, it's my favorite.
Yeah, here, give him the mic, Paul.
I love that.
I'm good.
Three stars from Leonard. The year is 1972. Ooh. Yeah, here, give him the mic. I love that. I'm good. Three stars from Leonard.
The year is 1972.
Ooh.
Yeah, ooh is right.
Three.
Yeah, he says about this movie
that it's uneven and tasteless,
but he also says
that the final sequence
is a gem,
and there's bestiality in this movie,
and the 11 people that you a bestiality in this movie. And the 11 people that you
can hear that are in this movie
are Robert Walden,
Jay Robinson, Jeffrey Holder,
Regis Philbin,
Sidney Miller,
Pamela Mason, Heather McRae,
Robert D. Lewis.
Yeah, you can't talk amongst
yourselves, but if you come up with a name, I'm going to
call you the winner.
Aaron Fleming, Jack Barry, and here's your two names, Tim,
that should put it over the top.
Gene Wilder and Burt Reynolds from 1972.
It's got bestiality in it.
Are we allowed to converse about it?
No, you can't talk to me.
Out of it? I'm out of it?
Yeah, you don't know it, right?
I think I know it. He thinks he knows it. Oh, you can't talk to me. Out of it? I'm out of it? Yeah, you don't know it, right? I think I know it. He thinks he knows it.
Oh, yeah, by all means. Tim doesn't know it.
By all means. What's it called?
Is it Smoking in the Bandit? What's it called, Paul?
No, no, no, that's not it. He's joking around.
What's it called?
Is it Kentucky Fried Movie? No.
Ah!
No, it isn't.
It's everything you've always wanted to know about sex,
but were afraid to ask from Woody Allen.
Yeah, yeah.
Gene Wilder has sex with a sheep in it.
I've seen it.
Yeah, of course you've seen it.
Let's hear it, though, for Paul and Tim.
Tim League and Paul, whatever his last name was.
Schmeckle Mackle.
It's like Afghanistan.
The stage was set for like an awesome Cinderella story.
The Hail Mary. Bring us the shithead.
Thanks, dude.
I'm a shithead too.
Isn't it a Cinderella story if you own the building we're in?
I don't think you know what Cinderella story means.
Oh, you didn't read the Cinderella Where she was a venture capitalist
And she was just being held down
By her underlings
Thank you guys so much
Tim, Lee, and Paul
And our winner is Chris Cubis everybody
Chris always comes to play
Yeah you guys can leave the stage.
That's what I'm trying to do right now.
Okay, we're out of here.
Give you a graceful exit.
You got another film to go introduce, don't you?
No, he's good.
All right.
Now he can hang out.
Come buy me a shot, son of a bitch.
Yeah, shot, shot, shot.
Pick your pick.
Yeah, you get to pick.
We'll drink whatever you give us.
I'm going to throw mine out.
Right in front of him.
So who won the prize pile?
There he is.
Marty McFly won the prize pile.
So come get this part first because it's in a bag.
And then see how much of the rest of it you can get into that bag.
And we don't read your shithead because you won.
And let's collect all the other ones, Chris,
if you don't mind helping out.
Don't mean to make you work like that.
Thank you, everybody, for coming.
Let's hear it for all of my guests that were here.
They've all left the building.
And as always,
Victoria Pollock is a shithead.
Mike Mitchell's Super Dicks
is a shithead.
Chris Taylor, Xander, and Will
are shitheads.
Somebody slipped in a bunch of names.
It's supposed to be one person.
What's up, Chris?
Oh, there's an extra shithead.
What do you mean?
There's another one that someone whispered to me, but he didn't remember it.
Okay, go ahead and say it.
Keith Ruckus is a shithead.
Oh.
Oh.
That's a terrible plug for Ruckus Cafe.
Delta Stewardess is who wouldn't bring me another beer even though she drops someone else's peanut wrapper in mine is a shithead.
Charlie Hodge is a shithead.
This receipt.
Another Keith Ruckus is a shithead.
What's going on?
Whoa, shots, shots, shots. And, oh, and of course, Noah Segan for losing is a shithead? What's going on? Whoa, shots, shots, shots.
And, oh, and of course, Noah
Segan for losing as a shithead.
Oh, you son of a bitch!
What is it? It's mostly
hot sauce, I think. Oh my god,
that's disgusting.
I mean, I'm a man, so I'm gonna drink it.
It's a drink I made up on the fly.
It's called
Fuck You, Doug Benson.
Chris is going to do it.
No, no, here's what's up.
I'm going to do it, but Tim's going to do it with me.
Yeah, Tim's going to do it with me.
I'll fucking do anything.
There we go.
It's Pimms and a floater of sriracha.
Oh, yeah.
Fest, fest, fest, fest, fest, fest.
It's actually pretty good. Oh, shot fest., fest, fest, fest, fest, fest. That's actually pretty good.
Oh, shot fest.
Thank you, Tim League.
Thank you, Chris Cubis.
Thank you, everybody, for coming.
Play that end theme, soundboard.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies