Doug Loves Movies - 10 Guests of Fantastic Fest

Episode Date: September 20, 2014

Live from the Highball during Fantastic Fest in Austin, TX, Doug plays an extended version of The Leonard Maltin Game with his 10 guests.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Ca...lifornia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies! Coming to you once again from the new, well not once again, for the first time, from the newly
Starting point is 00:00:34 remodeled Highball as part of Fantastic Fest in Austin, Texas! It's Friday, September 19th, 2014, Wolfen. Decided to do a short one. And it's 420-ish. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Smoke them if you got them, you guys. You didn't hear it from me. This is year 10 of Fantastic Fest. So I thought I'd do a big special episode to celebrate. As you can see, there are 10 chairs on this stage, because this episode is called the 10 Guests of Fantastic Fest. Yeah, and just like in my Christmas shows, we're going to play a big single elimination round of the Leonard Maltin game for your viewing pleasure. But first, it's time for Watch This, Not That. Opening in theaters today are Tusk, directed and written by Kevin Smith, who was on Getting Doug With High a couple days ago.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Yeah. And he was right here at this festival last night. Yeah. And he was right here at this festival last night. And Walk Among the Tombstones, starring Liam Neeson, who has not been on Getting Dug With High, and is not at this festival. So watch Tusk, not Tombstone.
Starting point is 00:02:00 This has been Watch This, Not That, completely biased edition. Yeah. Hashtag Walrus, yes. Hashtag Tombstone, no. We should start that. I heard it's a good movie, but fuck it. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Liam Neeson's gonna be okay, taking four, taking five, taking six. I'm gonna be here at Fantastic Fest until September 27th when I will be flying to Toronto to do two shows at Just for Laughs, douglovesmovies.com for deets and links. I brought some stuff for the prize bag, plus you're going to get stuff from 10 other people
Starting point is 00:02:38 if you win today. My contributions are the copy of Gateway Doug, of course. A weird, flappy... Yeah, they're making the same noise at the bar right now. A mug from Cafe Ruckus, a local coffee shop that I just heard about. They also include a Cafe Ruckus t-shirt. And I got a Tusk shirt last night when i went to see uh kevin smith at that and oh and from portland oregon i got i brought a couple of cans of oregon albacore tuna that
Starting point is 00:03:15 somebody gave me when i was in portland and i'm not gonna eat it so i'm paying it forward oh and this is really cool just because i I'm here at Fantastic Fest, I was lucky to get two wristbands for MondoCon this weekend, one for Saturday and one for Sunday, and I'm putting them both in the gift bag because I'm busy over here at Fantastic Fest. But it sounds like a fun thing to go to, too. Let's do this, you guys.
Starting point is 00:03:41 The ten guests of Fantastic Fest, please give a big warm welcome to Chris Cubis, Charlie Hodge, John Erler, Tim League, Evan Katz, Scott Weinberg, Noah Segan, John Smith, Joe Lynch, and Pat Healy.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Thank you. I tried to take a director's chair, but I'm too fat. I was very afraid of the structural integrity of that chair. All right, Chris, you just won the Pete Holmes game, which is first person to talk. And that is Chris Cubis, you guys. Let's hear it for him one more time. But before we do that,
Starting point is 00:04:32 before we talk more to Chris, I'm sorry that you guys all got so comfortable in your seats, because this is a part of the show where normally lots of people brought name tags. Today, how many people brought name tags that they made at home?
Starting point is 00:04:48 About eight or nine people. A sizable amount. Yeah, and then everybody else is wearing festival badges, of course, so they didn't have to necessarily make a badge because they're wearing one. So if all of my guests could just go out into the audience and pick the person...
Starting point is 00:05:04 Oh, shit. Pick the person and pick the person Oh shit. Pick the person that you want to play for and bring it back to your seat. And while you guys do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. And we're back!
Starting point is 00:05:23 Alright, everybody's got a name tag. And since Chris won the speaking first game, we're going to go to him. Chris Cubis, everybody. Hey, what's up, folks? Nice. Who are you playing for, Chris? I am playing for James Martin. Martin Marty Pound is his name.
Starting point is 00:05:40 He made an awesome hoverboard. He is currently dressed like Marty McFly. Yeah, that's really, that's a commitment. You know it's September, right? It's warm here to be wearing a down vest, but I appreciate the effort. Is that your Halloween costume every year? Probably.
Starting point is 00:05:57 He's got the hoverboard, and now he's got the jacket with no sleeves. He's set. Alright, so that's who Chris is playing for. And Chris, do you got anything to plug? Because this is single elimination. So if you lose, we're going to say goodbye. So we might as well get your plug in. Yeah, chriscubis.com, at chriscubis on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:06:14 And watch Grimm on ABC. I'm not on that show or nothing. You just like it? It's pretty good. It's pretty good. So I mean, it's like the closest thing to Buffy that we got, so let's just do it. Fair enough. And what'd you bring for the
Starting point is 00:06:29 prize bag? Oh, that's dope. From the great people at Transmission Entertainment, I brought two passes to Fun Fun Fun Fest. Woo! Go to FunFunFunFest.com. That's my corporate obligations. Whoever wins, just find me afterwards, because got to get your contact shit.
Starting point is 00:06:46 And we'll do it. It's going to be dope. Fred Armisen is there. John Waters. It's going to be great. Whoever wins, find the only man in this room that looks like this. Find him. I got a minute ago, someone was like, hey, I'm going to be at your show on Sunday. And I was like, that's awesome.
Starting point is 00:07:03 And I was like, I don't remember to have a show on Sunday. Oh, shit. It's the Reggie Watts confusion. Goddamn oddball fest. Hip sons of bitches. I'm doing a set at oddball fest, but I'm not allowed to say. It's a good thing we're still in commercial.
Starting point is 00:07:22 And Chris, have you been to the movies lately? Have you seen anything that you can recommend besides Grimm? See Calvary. That movie was awesome. Oh, it's the heaviest movie ever made. It's really good, though. Chris O'Dowd is amazing. I also watched a documentary called Make Believe on Netflix.
Starting point is 00:07:39 It's about the World Teenage Magic Competition. It's really good. It's sad because there's two kids from South Africa and they're not from like Paul Simon, Diamond in the Souls of a Shoe, South Africa. They're from fucking District 9, South Africa. Like it's bad. And then they come to Vegas.
Starting point is 00:07:58 It's the first thing they see. And they're like, well, I got to walk 10 miles for water. But these fountains are nice, I guess. It's fucking uncomfortable. But you should see it anyway. Thanks for being here, Chris. Our first category, you don't get to pick a category because I want to move this thing along.
Starting point is 00:08:13 So our first category, suggested by at Bugs Goblin on Twitter, is dick pics. Dick pics, and that's movies that have Richard Nixon, a penis, or both. I have Richard Nixon, a penis, or both. I guess most movies have a penis, so
Starting point is 00:08:28 a revealed penis, I should say. Yeah. And Chris, the year of this movie is 2009. Okay. Yeah. Leonard Maltin gave it two stars. This movie that has Nixon or a dick in it or both. Yeah, he calls
Starting point is 00:08:44 this movie slick and Nixon or a dick in it or both he calls this movie slick and superficial and he also says it's highly stylized but over long so those clues aren't very helpful who said like my dick I'm glad you don't have a microphone right now
Starting point is 00:09:00 ten people listed by Mr. Mton in this movie. How many do you think it'll take you to name the movie, Chris? I'm definitely it's probably not Frost Nixon. I'll say seven names. Yeah, you don't need to narrow it down for the other contestants. If anyone on the stage thought that
Starting point is 00:09:19 Frost Nixon was overly stylized it'd be a weird choice. They might have. I'll say seven names. All right. We're going to Pat Healy's here, everybody. Pat Healy. Hi, guys.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Thank you. Star of Cheap Thrills. Thank you. The only person from the film on the poster, if you have the right poster. He also wrote Pearl Harbor. And he's got a few credits scott be quiet um yeah pass it back to tim he doesn't want to say anything um who are you playing for pat uh cory cory how do you say your last name rivadamar cory rivadamar who has Highlander 2, The Corrickening.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Oh, okay. With Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery and Cory Rivadimar. Lambert, I love it. He's French, all right? What do you got going on, Pat? You got any movies in the can or anything? I've done a few things this year. I did a movie with Dan Myrick, who's one of the directors of the Blair Witch Project,
Starting point is 00:10:26 called Under the Bed. That'll be out next year. I'm going to be in the second episode of this new show on Fox starring Rainn Wilson called... What the fuck is that show called? You're on it? Yeah, I'm a guy. Backstrom, yeah. It's based on one of those Swedish crime novel series
Starting point is 00:10:48 that Rainn Wilson is the star of. I'm going to be a guest star on that show. And Cheap Thrills, of course, is available on DVD, Blu-ray, digital thumb drive, Amazon Prime, vending machine. What did you bring for the prize bag? I don't mean to interrupt that, but people know where they can find it, probably. And I'm just happy to be here,
Starting point is 00:11:11 because every time I come to Fantastic Fest, it's the one time a year I get to feel like what, you know, Brad Pitt feels like all the time. And also, if you're a dude With glasses And a beard And I don't immediately Remember you from last year
Starting point is 00:11:29 Cut me some slack Cause Come on man Last year I bought you a drink It's including me So I'm trying to be kind
Starting point is 00:11:39 So I'm sorry What'd you bring For the prize bag? Oh Don't make me ask you again Okay So The first thing I have is a,
Starting point is 00:11:45 it's a digital card that has all of the short films of Nacho Vigalando, but it comes in a bag of Nacho Doritos, Nacho Cheese Doritos. That's nice. So if you're here at Fantastic Fest, you love Nacho. And then I have a Cheap Thrills Blu-ray digital HD
Starting point is 00:12:03 that is signed by myself and this man here, Evan Katz, who directed the movie. Yeah, we'll say hi to Evan in a second. Let's just start a pie's pile at the front of the stage.
Starting point is 00:12:17 Just pile everything up right there, yeah. That way somebody can just come up and pick up everything because it's not going to all fit in the bag that I brought. How many names do you need to come up with the title of this movie, Pat? Chris took all the names.
Starting point is 00:12:31 How many did you take? I said seven. Oh, he said seven. Seven out of ten he took. Seven of the cast members? Yeah, he took seven out of ten. One. Can you go lower?
Starting point is 00:12:40 Oh! Only one? Yeah. All right. Bottom of the list. It's 2009, you said, right? Yeah, it's exciting Alright, so now we're gonna go to
Starting point is 00:12:48 The man you just mentioned Evan Katz is here, everybody How's it going? It's going good, buddy You, I got to see last night You have a very funny short in I mean, it's supposed to be funny, right? Also a little bit disturbing But everybody enjoyed it a great deal, I think, in the ABCs
Starting point is 00:13:08 of Death 2. When can people outside of this festival see that movie? I think Tim would know more than me. Okay, we'll ask Tim when we get to him. And do you have anything else you're working on, Evan? Besides Cheap Thrills? I'm working on a bunch of stuff. It's just taking forever.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Alright. But yeah, I'm working on stuff. Cool, and what did you bring for the prize bag? I didn't really bring anything. You're holding something right there in your hand. This was handed to me. Oh, okay. This is the Johnny Ryan art of the Cheap Thrills DVD cover. Oh, right on.
Starting point is 00:13:43 It's beautiful. I'll also buy you a couple drinks if you win, too, because that's not as cool as a... Pat, if I were you, I would never wear that shirt because it just gives drunks ideas. Because it's Pat getting punched in the face very hard. All right, so throw that on the prize pile, Evan. And Pat bid merely one name,
Starting point is 00:14:01 so your only options are to bid zero names or hope that Pat doesn't know what he's talking about and say, Pat Healy, name that movie. Zero names. Oh, boy. Holy. You know, these three guys have all been
Starting point is 00:14:18 on the show before, but now we're moving on to first-time guest Noah Segan, everybody. Oh, no. Oh, no. Star of a movie called Looper that has a couple
Starting point is 00:14:28 other guys in it. Who are they? What is that movie about? What Looper? Yeah. I couldn't figure it out. Me neither. Yeah I was like
Starting point is 00:14:38 where am I? When is this? Yeah. And why did why did Joseph Gordon-Levitt have to act like Bruce Willis, but Bruce Willis didn't have to act like Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Seemed like an unfair trade-off. Not since John Travolta wasn't as good at impersonating Nicolas Cage.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Or was it the other way around? But anyway. Who's the international box office guy? Off mic Is that me? Wait What did you say Pat? The guy who's the
Starting point is 00:15:09 International box office star Gets the other guy To imitate him Nobody was impersonating Jeff Daniels So I don't know about that What about The prize bag
Starting point is 00:15:19 Noah What'd you bring? What did I bring? I brought So I'm here At Fantastic Fest With a movie That I acted in and produced
Starting point is 00:15:25 called The Redeemer with Marco Zarora, the Latin dragon. And so you have a shirt and you signed it? I brought a shirt, but I customized it in your honor. The tagline is that God is going to cut you down, but in this case, Doug
Starting point is 00:15:44 is going to smoke you out. Oh, case, Doug Is going to smoke you out Oh, I like that Oh, instead of cutting you down, I'll smoke you out Signed it Before I put you up for that Alright, Noah And I'm playing for John Voight Or James
Starting point is 00:15:57 Or James Van Der Beek I'm playing for Darcy Here Darcy Blues She brought a Varsity Blues poster I don't want your for Darcy here. Darcy Blues. She brought a Varsity Blues poster. I don't want your life. Chased it to Darcy Blues. Darcy.
Starting point is 00:16:08 I don't want your life, Darcy. I don't want your life. So, Noah, Evan said zero names. So, does that mean that I only... You could go negative. If you think you know the name of the movie, you could say negative one. Then you'd have to name the top build person. Negative two, you'd have to name the top two build people.
Starting point is 00:16:29 I know, you're looking at me like, what have I gotten myself into? And now if I ask Pat to name that movie... You can't. Pat is out of it. Pat's out of it. Yeah, Evan said he could do it with no names. So that means he just knows the title of the movie or is desperate to get off of this stage.
Starting point is 00:16:44 This is like a serious bunt on, this is a suicide bunt on Evan's part. I think it might be and I apologize. The question is should we take Evan Katz out of his misery here? Is this it? Do you want the fight?
Starting point is 00:16:59 Evan's going to be so excited to get off this stage. He knows Tim's going to do all of his plugs when we get to him. It's going to get really exciting once I see him. No, I'm not going to plug anything about Cheap Thrills if you do this whack-ass move. You want me to keep him in the game, Tim? Is that it? I feel like I'm kind of an asshole at heart, and so I feel like maybe you should, but no,
Starting point is 00:17:23 he's a really nice guy. And I think he's... He's sweet. I mean, you guys can't see... Go with your heart. He's flop sweating right now, you guys. I think Evan might need to name that movie. All right, Evan.
Starting point is 00:17:35 It's yours to lose, buddy. What's the name of the movie? Antichrist. Fuck. I think you could have gotten this. Does any of you think you actually know the name of the movie? I think I do. What is it, Pat?
Starting point is 00:17:52 Is it not Frost Nixon? No. No. We established pretty early on that it's not Frost Nixon. He didn't correct you. Frost Nixon. Is it Frost Dixon? was the prequel to Frozen. The movie in question
Starting point is 00:18:13 You're off the hot seat there, Evan. Because thank you for playing. The movie's called Watchmen. And of course it has it has Richard Nixon and a big blue penis Let's hear it for Evan Katz everybody Such a good sport
Starting point is 00:18:35 Participating he emailed me today saying You know what I was drunk when I said I would do it And I said well just get drunk Again and do it That would be a simple enough solution. But now we move on to Mr. Tim League is here, everybody. The man who thought of this festival. His idea.
Starting point is 00:18:58 And Tim, what's the most fantastic thing that you think is going to happen at this festival this year? Because you do a lot of crazy shit. Last night I cut my abdomen open. Yeah, so it's already happened? Yeah, I don't know. It's not the most fantastic thing. It's like a Cronenberg scar. You know what? Actually, I'm going to use this opportunity to show this right here. This is my name tag. Leonard fucking Malton is coming to Fantastic Fest. And he wants to play. And so that might be the most fantastic thing that has ever happened
Starting point is 00:19:29 in this state. So I'm pretty stoked about that. Yeah, next week you're going to play a game with Leonard called Malton's Game. It's not the Leonard Malton game, but it sounds like also a really fun game where everybody pretends to write it's like Balderdash, but instead of definitions of words, you write fake reviews of movies.
Starting point is 00:19:49 In the style of Leonard Maltin. In the style of Mr. Leonard Maltin. And then everybody has to guess if it's real or not. And you're going to play with Leonard Maltin. Well, it's like a poker tournament, so there's going to be seven tables. Oh, my God. The winners of the seven tables get to face the motherfucking master at the final table, Leonard Maltin, where I hope that he schools everybody in his words. So I've been playing this game for like 15 years, and there's very specific tropes that Leonard Maltin goes to or his staff of writers go to. What movie has he reviewed that isn't overlong?
Starting point is 00:20:22 If you throw in the word overlong, it's going to sound like Leonard. La Jetee. That's it. All right, Tim, what did you bring for the prize bag? So I completely probably destroyed the inventory system at Draft House, and I just stole this stuff from the front counter because everybody thinks that I work here. And so I got this sweet-ass Fantastic Fest belt buckle, a couple T-shirts.
Starting point is 00:20:46 If these aren't your size, ah, screw you. I'm not going to change them out. No, I'll change them out, whatever. And this is one of the last 30 copies of the ABC's of Death children's book. Is it pop-up? No, but it's really wonderful.
Starting point is 00:21:02 It's this renowned children's illustrator who was really happy for us to work with him because he's never drawn a big pile of severed heads and penises and things like that. That's great. All right, Tim, are you ready to play Did I Ask You Everything I Was Supposed to Ask? Do you ever pick favorites at the festival?
Starting point is 00:21:21 I mean, I guess you purchase and distribute the ones you really like if you can. But like, is there a movie that's playing this fest that you think is like the greatest? I'm going to pick a weird underdog movie that I'm quite smitten with. It's the very last film.
Starting point is 00:21:38 I don't know, Puberty or something. Last film? Time for a change! You get a time machine out of a DeLorean? Anyway. It's the last movie you're going to show. No, last movie we programmed at the festival. Oh, okay. And it's a movie called I Am a Knife with Legs.
Starting point is 00:22:00 I'm excited for that. And I think it's pretty badass. And I want everybody to love and adore this movie as much as I do. I can't wait to see it. Your category, Tim, is called Rush. And it's best picture Oscar winners that are under 100 minutes long. Doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. doesn't happen very often right but it does happen and uh you get to pick a year between 1955 1977 and 1989 1989
Starting point is 00:22:35 three stars from leonard and you're coming up next scott so be ready three settle down three stars from leonard he calls this movie genteel and you're coming up next, Scott, so be ready. All right, you got it. Settle down. Three stars from Leonard. He calls this movie genteel. He also says about this movie that it won the Oscar for best screenplay. Oh, and this is a fun clue. And for makeup. And he lists five names.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Just five names. How many names? And it's not Tootsie guy in the audience who yelled out. You said 89, right? Did I? Yeah. 89. Tootsie did not come out in 1989.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I think he was just being silly, but I still don't like it. So I'm really terrible at movie trivia, so Scott's already got it. So, say five names. Say five names. Yeah, because if Scott says name it, I'll name all five names, and you'll know what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scott next? Oh, because Scott thinks he knows it, so I'll go two names.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Okay. All right, so now Scott can ask you to name it, and you probably just screwed yourself. Sorry, dude. My bad. I was just trying to be a dick. Or let's say hi. Let's talk to him for a second, though. Let's say hi.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Scott Weinberg is here, everybody. Film critic and friend of mine based out of Philadelphia, one of the better cities. It's not Austin. Yeah, talk into your microphone. You've been yelling shit all day. Sorry, man. You finally get your chance, and your microphone's down between your knees.
Starting point is 00:24:11 I'm aware of how fucking loud my Jewish voice is, so I try to avoid the microphone whenever possible. Try and avoid the anti-Semitism. Players that are still in are leaving the stage. I know. It's because they know. When you get around to Weinberg and Lynch, just give up, man. They're just ordering drinks like I'm about to.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Tall vodka tonic on stage, please. There you go. Scott, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Jeremy in the Kingdom of Women. Oh, and that's a poster that's probably sitting around here at the festival because there's a movie called Jackie in the Kingdom of Women that I've heard is quite good. It's fucking amazing.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Definitely check out that movie. I think it's a promotional tie-in with Taco Bell. Jeremy in the Kingdom of Women. Where's Jeremy? Right there? All right. All right, Scott. And what do you got to plug? Where can people...
Starting point is 00:25:04 You're Scott E. Weinberg on Twitter? I am. Everybody in this room probably already follows me on Twitter. I don't follow you on Twitter. Tim does not, but that's okay. If you want your Twitter feed, if you want to see the egg from Alien over and over and over and over again,
Starting point is 00:25:18 then Scott's the man to follow. All right, we're not going to get into what Twitter means to me right now, all right? All right. I'll get upset. But no,'re not going to get into what Twitter means to me right now. Alright? Alright. I'll get upset. But no, I have nothing to plug because FearNet got shut down, so I'm unemployed right now. If anybody needs a
Starting point is 00:25:34 pothead film critic, you know, email me or get me on Twitter. Will you do like private parties and stuff? Sure. Just come in and spout off about cinema? This is a God's honest truth story. I used to get paid $150 every other week to go to North Jersey
Starting point is 00:25:49 and talk to suburban housewives and husbands about an art film of the week. So I'd get paid money to go out and talk to them about like, in the kingdom of Eli and shit like that. And they paid me because I was a film critic. What a great gig. No, I just made that title.
Starting point is 00:26:05 In the Kingdom of E-Law, everyone. Who could forget that one? Starring Pat Healy and Noah Segan. What'd you bring for the prize bag, Scott? I brought... I brought... I brought a really rare screener copy of a film called Zombie Girl, the movie.
Starting point is 00:26:22 That was in the Kingdom of E-Law. Yeah, which is a documentary about a very close friend of this festival, Emily Higgins, who directed more films before she was 18 than any of us ever will, including you. All right, don't need to point fingers. All right, so pass that down to Noah or Tim
Starting point is 00:26:42 and put it on the prize pile. And light that shit on fire. Yeah, somebody's going to win a lot of crap. And so Tim just said two names he can get it in. All right, so I want to play the game to extend the game, play it fun. I'm going to say I can get it in one name. All right. And I'm going to pass it along and apologize to Joe Lynch for busting his balls, this handsome
Starting point is 00:27:05 Treat Williams-looking motherfucker right here. Joe Lynch is here, everybody. Joe Lynch. I would say a little more Dan Aykroyd than Treat Williams, but thank you. Thank you very much. Hi. Hi, Doug. Thank you for being here, Joe Lynch, director of a movie that's playing this Saturday night,
Starting point is 00:27:19 tomorrow night, here at the festival, and I cannot wait to see it, called Everly. Yes. And it stars Salma Hayek and an automatic weapon. It's basically her and guns. A lot of guns. A lot of bullets. I'm in. I'm in. You've said too much.
Starting point is 00:27:38 You've said too much. Spoiler? Spoiler. I spoiled? Yeah, I wanted just guns. I wasn't even concerned if bullets were going to come out of them. There's some blood. Oh, good, good. Okay, good. And when can everybody see it? Well, you all can see it Saturday night tomorrow night.
Starting point is 00:27:52 That's right. I hope to see you there. Or Tuesday. I hear it's playing Tuesday as well. It's going to be coming out in the, quote unquote, the winter by TWC Radius, bringers of the fantastic film Snowpiercer. Yeah. So we're in very good T.W.C. Radius brought bringers of the fantastic film Snowpiercer. We're in very good hands. Snowpiercer.
Starting point is 00:28:10 That was fantastic, Pat. Thank you. Pat's just hanging on to a microphone. This is the same microphone. It's a train, a train that pierces snow. You want it? You're so drunk so early.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Don't give me a beer and a mic. In this room, remember when Joe came up to do a Q&A for Wrong Turn and I introduced him and he came up and he was very humble and he literally, without saying a word, lifted a leg and farted into a microphone. It's fucking fantastic, Fest, dude.
Starting point is 00:28:44 That's like, kind of goes without saying. And that's the microphone he's putting to fest, dude. That's like, kind of goes with that saying. And that's the microphone he's putting to his mouth now. Joe, we got this. I remember that fucking microphone trick, by the way, if there's one person I do,
Starting point is 00:28:53 because we threw away that microphone, you dirty motherfucker. You didn't immortalize that shit? It's not hanging up in the highball like Planet fucking Hollywood? Nobody wanted to clean it.
Starting point is 00:29:00 They're like, it was a really juicy fart. And it's like, I'm not getting fucking within. We can't give it to another person. Wow, that's got personal.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Sorry. Who are you playing for, Joe? I am playing for Jen Handorf, who made this delightful indie film, Blackard.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Yeah, she's not even from this country and she came up with a really good name tag. Jen Handorf. She's never even heard my podcast until today
Starting point is 00:29:23 and she made that name tag. You better catch up. You're leaking dinosaurs everywhere, John. Oh, god damn it. You and your dinosaurs. I'm spraying dinos everywhere. You got one by your foot there. What do you have for the bag, my friend? Well, since I was asked five minutes before we started, I unfortunately don't have anything
Starting point is 00:29:38 on me, but I will personally take you to the vending machine out in the lobby and you can take any pic you like and I will get it signed by that filmmaker before I die. So, but if you want the FP... That is a long term offer, because you look like you could go...
Starting point is 00:29:54 I'm committed. I'm fucking committed to everything that Alamo Drafthouse puts out. Wink, wink, wink. So if you want cheap thrills, I can make that shit happen. If you want the FP, I can take me six weeks. If you want clown... Make him track down Ted Kotcheff. I can do the act of killing. I can get the entire cast
Starting point is 00:30:09 of the act of killing to sign as well. Complete, complete with... Not the entire cast. I feel like some of those people are not with us. Most of the cast of the act of signing.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Dude, it's just good to say anonymous a thousand times on the key. Yeah, exactly. Just anonymous, anonymous, anonymous. All right, guys. Hi, exactly. Just anonymous, anonymous, anonymous. All right, guys. Hi, Doug.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Focus. Okay. Can you get that big penis to sign it? That's how you focus. I can make that happen. Jump right back into it. So wait. So I have to tell Weinberg here to name that fucking movie?
Starting point is 00:30:38 I think so. Can you go? What are we at? Two? I said one. He said one. Oh, yeah. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Name that movie. All right. So I'm going to give you the one name, and then. Oh, yeah. Fuck you. Name that movie. All right. So I'm going to give you the one name, and then you're going to tell me the title of the movie. Can I have the clues again, please? Yeah, you can have the clues again. Give Scott the mic so he can. It's Gentile.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Yep, got it. And it won some Oscars, including screenplay and makeup. And your fifth name out of five is Esther Roll. Esther Roll. And it's from 89. Your fifth name out of five is Esther Ruhl. Esther Ruhl. And it's from 89. Who, of course, played Flo Rida on The Jeffersons. Wow. The demographic for that joke is sitting on the stage. Fuck this entire room full of white people that did not get that joke.
Starting point is 00:31:19 Because that's the funniest thing that's happened this whole weekend. And it's only Friday. Damn, damn, damn. Nobody? All right. Scott, do you have any idea? Esther Rolle is in a movie from 1989? Yeah, I hate to kick you off the stage so quickly,
Starting point is 00:31:40 but unless you can pull it, I'm going to guess, think about what the category was it's under 90 minutes long and it won best picture a lot of people if you say best picture from 89 they already know the answer it's Driving Miss Daisy that's correct I'm out now right
Starting point is 00:32:00 yeah Joe Joe Lynch Joe Lynch so which servant did Esther Rolle play in that film Yeah, Joe. Joe Lynch, everybody. Joe Lynch. So which servant did Esther Rolle play in that film? She didn't play a businesswoman. I know that very well. It's a trick question because she's one of the students in Dead Poets Society as well.
Starting point is 00:32:20 So it could have been that. All right, Scott. Take it easy, Scott. He knew it when he said 1985. All right, Scott. Take it easy, Scott. He knew it as soon as we said the year. But then you were pretending like you didn't know. It was an odd maneuver, but you're still here. Yes, Scott! Pop, pop, pop, poker face.
Starting point is 00:32:42 But now we have to move on to John Erler is here, everybody. Hey! The master of all the pancakes, the master pancake man himself. You're doing the master pancake tonight. We're doing it tonight. I have to leave at about 6.15, and we're going to go do Predator at the Ritz. Predator. That's a nice one. How can you make fun of Predator?
Starting point is 00:33:03 Well, we actually have the star of Predator right here beside me down here. He wasn't in Predator. He was in Battlefield Earth. Also solid. The caveman's Valentine. Yeah, that's maybe my favorite. Sam Jackson
Starting point is 00:33:19 in a cave playing the violin. That's my favorite thing ever. John, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Children's Hospital of Pflugerville tonight for all the kids there who are looking for a better chance. Brown nose! I'm not playing
Starting point is 00:33:37 for them. I'm playing... All the good stuff was taken by the time I made my way to the audience. The hoverboard was gone. The Jurassic Park thing was gone. So I picked the most sincere guest here tonight, who I judge to be a person named Jamila Winsky. Thanks, Jamila.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Yeah, you got her Fantastic Fest badge. Who's involved with something called Whispers Behind the Wall. And what are you contributing to the prize bag, John? I am contributing a Master Pancake t-shirt Very rare item This is circa 2009 Is that stain? What is that on this?
Starting point is 00:34:13 It's got some juice stains on it Nothing to be afraid of I want to know what you think that is Yeah, please Oh, shit Oh, no We're going to find out if it's cake frosting or jizz, ladies and gentlemen. Noah Segan.
Starting point is 00:34:27 I'm an actor, and I can tell you that it's definitely semen. It is definitely semen. His name's Segan, and he knows it's semen. So this is probably, the semen probably belongs to Owen Edgerton, who is another member of the Master Pancake team. That's what I'm guessing. He Master Pancaked all over that shirt. He absolutely did. And also from about 2009, we made fun of the movie E.T.,
Starting point is 00:34:51 which I know is hard to believe, but somehow we found a way to do it. And as a souvenir from that experience, I bought the book Letters to E.T. These are actual letters written by old people and children to E.T. after the movie came out. Retarded old people and children to E.T. after the movie came out. Retarded old people and children wrote to a robot. All right, Scott.
Starting point is 00:35:15 You're yelling and you don't have a microphone. Nobody wins when that happens. John? Yes. The category celebrating a birthday today Let's hear it for him
Starting point is 00:35:28 The great Paul Williams Great songwriter Talk show host Cocaine themed He did it all And he also appeared in Swan He also appeared in some films
Starting point is 00:35:43 So it's the films of Paul Williams. And this particular one is from 1973. Okay. Two stars from Leonard. Can I get another one when you get a chance? Hi. And Noah wants another beverage, too. He's doing the...
Starting point is 00:35:59 And John. We'll get to you, John, soon. Can I get a Bud Light, please? I gotta keep my age. Doug loves ordering drinks. That's for the people who brought names. That's a fun pass. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Two stars from Leonard for this movie that has Paul Williams in it from 1973. He calls it substandard. He also says that they use good footage from other films. All right. Yeah, but, you know, that helps, he says, but not much. Okay. And he lists six names.
Starting point is 00:36:41 How many names can you get in, John Erler? Master Pancake. I can do that film in zero names. How many names can you get in, John Earler? Master Pancake. I can do that film in zero names. Yes! Exciting bit. Now we go to and say hello to Charlie Hodge, everybody. Charlie Hodge is here. You got that right.
Starting point is 00:37:02 What's your podcast called? The HodgeCast. There you go. You know, it's a real way homer, Doug. What does that mean? Takes you till you're on your way home to get it. Oh, okay. You know?
Starting point is 00:37:18 I don't know if there's any significance to this, but there is a fire truck outside. That's all part of my deal. Flashing lights. Tim, Tim, sorry, you're spoiling my intro. I got some greased up firemen that are going to run in here all as part of the Charlie Hodge part of this deal. If this show got shut down right now, I wouldn't feel too bad about it. I don't know how we're going to get done in the allotted amount of time.
Starting point is 00:37:44 We've got 38 minutes to eliminate all of you fuckers. They don't bring the whole truck when it's like a crowd deal. They just put like a guy in a Suburban shows up, right? Yeah, why are they here? What's going on? It's like a whole truck. From the black history in Texas, they definitely bring the whole truck when it's a crowd problem. It's no big deal. Somebody crowd problem. Oh, somebody passed.
Starting point is 00:38:05 No, it's no big deal. Somebody passed out. So anyway. Excellent. No, they're here paramedic style. Like, there's always a fire truck with the paramedics. There's the paramedics. Yes.
Starting point is 00:38:18 E-M-S. E-M-S. All right. So people don't cheer them when they come into the scene usually. You guys, when they walk through here, everybody cheer them. They do not get enough support for the hard work that they're doing helping people that have passed out.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Oh, you get a bill for that shit. That is not out of the goodness of their heart. If you pass out and an ambulance comes, you will get a bill. No, that's the key when you're fucked up is to stay conscious so you can say no ambulance. Because if you say no, they can't put you in it and charge you for it. What did you bring for the prize bag, Charlie?
Starting point is 00:38:57 Well, I brought 80% of the content of my swag bag from the Twin Peaks Golf Tournament, which includes a towel, this fishing lure made out of a bottle cap, $5 off, like a discounted round of golf, plus this nifty cup and a koozie. All of that is on the pile. Throw all that out there. Throw it on the pile. That towel is filthy. You guys can't see it from here,
Starting point is 00:39:29 but there's like blood stains on that towel. I cut my knee playing golf and I used that to sop up my knee blood. But I looked online that after three weeks, knee blood is negated of all grodiness and or danger.
Starting point is 00:39:46 So the winner gets Ebola. That's great. How many names can you get it in, Charlie? I believe John said. Six. How many? You said zero? You said zero.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Yes. You got to go negative or just say John Erler, name that movie, and hope that he doesn't know it. Do you think you know what it is? No. Oh. Well, I mean, you could... Name that movie. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 00:40:13 John Erler, give me the correct title, the exact title of this film to remain in the game and send Charlie Hodge, who we just met... Tastypodcast.com. That's where my podcast is. Okay, good. I'm glad you got that in. Remain in the game and send Charlie Hodge, who we just met. Tastypodcast.com. That's where my podcast is. Okay, good. I'm glad you got that in. I guess I have to get out of here. What's it called, John?
Starting point is 00:40:33 I'm going to say Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Well, you know what? You had to get out of here by 6.15 to get over to the Predator. I called it an interruption. Master Pancake Show the movie's called Battle for the Planet of the Apes thank you let's hear it for John Erler everybody thank you for coming John
Starting point is 00:40:55 good job charge your power John charge your power you can take that Bud Light with you or throw it in the prize bag. Get to it, Sean. Whatever you want to do. Equip.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Let's meet our final of the ten contestants. Now that we've knocked out three people and it's finally come around to John Smith is here, everybody. Oh! Some call him John W. Smith. That's correct. Especially via email. Exactly. And John, what do you want to do first?
Starting point is 00:41:29 It sounds like you're ready to go. I'm ready to go. I work with Master Pancake as well. Master Pancake. We'll also be at Fun Fun Fun Fest coming up soon. Oh, yeah. Master Pancake's going to do a Fun Fun Fun Fest show. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:41:41 That's right. I'll also be hosting the Geeks Who Your Drink pub quiz here on Wednesday night. Come out for that. Pub quiz. And what's in the prize bag? There's a little boy. Oh, excuse me. Sorry. A little boy! I'll get to the little boy later on. I always do. I've got
Starting point is 00:41:57 two dollars and a Breathe Right nose strip. Yeah, toss it on the pile. Use them wisely. It'll help. It's going to make such a warm fire later. Shit, Don Johnson got old. Did anybody see that dude who just walked past the stage?
Starting point is 00:42:13 Holy shit. I thought that was Seymour Cassell. John, who are you playing for? I'm playing for a kid named Evan. He's there at the front row. He's got great hair. His name tag says Evan Horizon Event.
Starting point is 00:42:34 It's got serial killer handwriting. It's beautiful. He's a sex pervert. Whenever you're saying you're playing for a kid, it's always like you're Babe Ruth and somebody has cancer. I'm calling my shot for you, Evan. Or you're in Bangkok and you're playing cards for a kid. It's true.
Starting point is 00:42:52 I never said, I will get this child if I win this game. That can be arranged later on, buddy. I never said who I was playing for. Oh, yeah. Who are you playing for, Charlie? Keith, middle name Danger Ruckus. That's right. Hey!
Starting point is 00:43:06 From Ruckus Cafe, contributor to the prize bag. He can win his own shit. Yeah, you get your own mug back. I love it. I know that dude from Twitter. Where are you? Hi. Hey, man.
Starting point is 00:43:17 He's over there, yeah. You also know him from coming to this festival every year. He's one of those guys with a beard and not glasses, but... No. Familiar face. All right, John. Your category. Yes. Coming to this festival every year. He's one of those guys with a beard and not glasses, but... Familiar face. All right, John. Your category... Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:30 And then we're coming to you, Chris Cubis. Your category is Batman versus Bateman. And that's movies that have Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, or both. All right? Okay. And the year is 2007. Leonard Maltin calls this movie a one and a half star film. Yeah, he did not care for it.
Starting point is 00:43:52 He says a good cast can't save it. He says it's unwieldy. That word is unwieldy. And he says Matthew Fox is unrecognizable in a cameo. I don't know how Leonard figured it out if he was unrecognizable. And then Leonard lists a whopping 16 names. Oh, shit. How many names can you get in, John?
Starting point is 00:44:18 I don't know if I could recognize Matthew Fox right now. He's in the crowd. He's lost in the crowd. Match move. He's sitting over there with a party of five. He's his character from Alex Cross. I can name that film. Is it Tyler Perry?
Starting point is 00:44:37 Is that his character from Alex Cross? Woo! EMS! EMS! EMS! EMS! EMS! EMS! EMS! Fire Department 2!
Starting point is 00:44:50 Fire Department 2! Fire guys are great. I'd like to point out they are as handsome as we think that they are. Yeah. I saw December and February walk out of here. That was beautiful. That one guy, though, he left a real backdraft. Juggalo's movies, you guys. That one guy though, he left a real backdraft Doug loves movies Doug loves movies 15 names, John says 15 names
Starting point is 00:45:14 Chris I'm a professional, 14 names Alright, Pat Healy 3 3 names It's quite a jump, Noah Segan. What are you going to do with that? Pass him the mic there, Pat.
Starting point is 00:45:30 So if I can name two names, we're good to go? What? If you can name the movie and the top two billed people in the right order, you could say negative two, yeah. No, he's saying if you get two from the bottom of the cast list. Yeah. If you say two names, that means you he's saying if you get two from the bottom of the cast list. Yeah. If you say two names, that means you have to name,
Starting point is 00:45:48 you get the movie, you have to guess the movie in the bottom two names of the cast list. In the bottom two names. Bottom two. You don't have to name them. He's going to give them to you.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Now, if I go no names and that's just a movie. You name the movie. Nail it. Like a goddamn G. Yeah. I'm going to go, I'm going to go,
Starting point is 00:46:02 I'm going to go no names. Yeah. Zero names, he says. I'm going to go no names. Zero names, he says. I'm going to go no names. All right, Tim Lee gets the mic again. No, so you can name that movie. All right. Tim's happy to leave the stage.
Starting point is 00:46:14 Can you please repeat the details of the film? All 20 minutes of it. One and a half stars from Leonard. Prepare to close his loop. Let's get this over with. It's got Bateman or Batman in it. Right. And he says a good cast can't save an unwieldy movie.
Starting point is 00:46:39 And Matthew Fox is unrecognizable. Oh, Scott Weinberg figured it out. Is it extract? What? Is it extract? No, but they are in it together. Son of a bitch. But it's also not unwieldy extract, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:46:57 And Matthew Fox is definitely not an extract in any guys. The motion picture is called Smokin' Aces. Smokin' Aces. With Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Let's hear it for Noah Segan, everybody. First time player. I recognize Matthew Fox as the hotel clerk, desk clerk
Starting point is 00:47:15 in that movie. I remember when I saw it. What does Matthew Fox look like recognizable? Yeah, I don't know. It looked like him to me. Like his character in Alice in Paradise. He looks like Guy Smiley from the Sesame Street.
Starting point is 00:47:26 All right, Scott. It's coming to you now Like his character in Alex Frost. It looks like Guy Smiley from the Sesame Street. All right, Scott. It's coming to you now, buddy. I hear you. Rapid fire, rapid fire. This category is called the El Duderino category. Got it. Because some movie titles are seven words or more because they're not into that whole brevity thing.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Oh. So this movie has seven words or more because they're not into that whole brevity thing oh so this movie has seven words or more in the title one and a half stars from leonard malton and his team 1969 is the year he says about this movie that it's british you know how in quotes at the beginning of the review it'll say american or whatever this one says brit, just to help you out. He also says it's a Fellini-influenced mess. Yeah. And it stars two people that were newly husband and wife, probably as husband and wife in the movie. And Leonard lists six names. How many names can you get in?
Starting point is 00:48:28 Scott Weinberg, Scott E. Weinberg. And you said it was 1969. 69, dude! Okay. I did. And then Charlie found the comedy in that. I did. Dug it right up.
Starting point is 00:48:43 Our genitals are connected with other mouths I'm gonna I'm gonna I would need I would need more than a few names for this I don't know
Starting point is 00:48:51 if I like connected I don't the whole human centipede thing's a bummer I could I need I would need four names
Starting point is 00:48:57 four he says four Charlie ooh can I can I say five no how many times have you been on this show lots but uh Ooh, can I say five? No. How many times have you been on this show? Lots, but John Erler can attest.
Starting point is 00:49:10 I have slow cognitive skills. Am I even using that word right? No? Well, what are you going to do? You got to go less than five or ask him to name it. He might not know it. With five names. I think I'm going to say
Starting point is 00:49:25 name that movie. He already pulled one out with the Driving Miss Daisy thing. Yeah, it's really a tough obscure one there, Doug. Driving Miss Daisy. I know what I need to make water. Check your fucking time. It's right.
Starting point is 00:49:40 All right, so you get all the names but one, right? Six names, you get five of them? I said four. I said I would need four, if we're being honest. I'm going to give you five. Okay. Whoa. What the shit?
Starting point is 00:49:53 All right. I'll just give him four. Four. Based on what? One more time. Jesus. What? He said it was based on Fellini.
Starting point is 00:50:01 Thank you. No, he says Fellini influenced. Fellini influenced. Mess. Mess. Yeah. So it's not the incredibly strange creature Mess. Like a real life husband and wife. Seven words or more. It's British. Has seven words or more in the title.
Starting point is 00:50:10 1969. And your four names are Stubby K, Georgie Jessel, Georgie Jessel, It's everyone in this movie in blackface. All those names sound very minstrelsy.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Eddie Cantor. Al Jolson. They came from musical comedy, probably, those guys. Connie Kresge. And your fourth name, this might help you, probably not, Milton Berle is in this movie. So the only two names you're not getting is the aforementioned couple who star in the film and were a real life couple. 1969.
Starting point is 00:50:53 More than seven words. Fellini inspired. Gig Young. Is that what you said? I don't even remember. Oh, God. I'm just going to guess because I got an intro movie in like 10 minutes. I'm going to guess the incredibly strange creatures who stop living and blah, blah, God. I'm just going to guess, because I've got to intro a movie in like 10 minutes.
Starting point is 00:51:09 I'm going to guess the incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and blah, blah, blah. That would be great if Milton Berle was living. It's not British, but that's okay. Or it doesn't have Milton Berle in it. This was a really tough one. Oh, sorry, Pat Healy. I'm so sorry. And for the record, it's the incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and became mixed-up zombies. You can have my job, and I'll do what you do.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Good luck with that. I'll do both. All right, so I failed. You got rid of me. I'm off. Oh, shit. What a horrible way to leave. Let's hear it for Scott Weinberg, everybody.
Starting point is 00:51:40 What is the movie, by the way? It's called, and this was a tough one. Does anyone in the audience think they know what it is? It's a really hard one. This is a real movie called Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Hump and Find True Happiness? What? That's the name of a fucking movie
Starting point is 00:52:00 that starred Anthony Newley and Joan Collins. God's honest truth, because I am a molten generation guy, I's Honest Truth, Because I Am a Molten Generation Guy. I have heard the title, but I've never seen it, and I never would have guessed that. Thank you. Scott Weinberg, everybody. Scott Weinberg. Are you sure that's a movie or a Fiona Apple album name? I don't know what...
Starting point is 00:52:17 I'm trying to get any. Yeah, that's a good one. I often survive by just not saying anything. Yeah, that's my strategy. Oh, by the way, the EMS situation is on the toilet in the men's room. If anyone wants to get uncomfortable, that's why it took me so long to pee. There's EMS trying to find a dude in the bathroom. I was like, is this a...
Starting point is 00:52:40 But they left already. No, there are two EMS in the men's room. Oh, those are just ones just are just having a good time. No. I asked. I was like, is the beans above the frank? Is this something about Mary's situation? They said, not that cool.
Starting point is 00:52:54 This has been your Cubist News Network update. All right. We have five players. May 5. There's an Elvis impersonator that had the poutine on the menu. That's what's going on in the toilet in there. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:53:07 So, just in case anyone's wondering. Nobody's wondering. No. I thought I'd throw that out there, Doug. Yes. If I have to go
Starting point is 00:53:17 introduce a movie real fast, can I pre-say what my answer is? No, pick somebody out of the audience to be your proxy. Yeah, let's have somebody fill in for you. You're a champion.
Starting point is 00:53:29 The guy you're playing for could take your seat, yeah. But I never really said who I was playing for, and so I'll read it right now. The card says, shitheads do not read out loud. I'm just kidding. Hey, guys. Hi. There's no! I'm just kidding. Hey, guys.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Hi. There's no way I'm going to put this on the internet. Why do you think I'm so drunk, Doug? All right, yeah. Tim's going to be back in five minutes, everybody. This is Paul, everybody. Paul. Interesting scheduling.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Paul, you better fucking be here when I get back, man. Don't screw this shit up. I promise. Oh, Paul's very cocky. Where are you from, Paul? Brooklyn. Brooklyn, cool. All right.
Starting point is 00:54:15 The Austin of the North. Well done, Brooklyn. Thank you very much. So starting now, we change direction every round. So we're going to start with John and then go to Charlie and then you, Paul. I'm ready. So look out. And John gets to pick a category.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Ooh. I mean, gets to take the category I give him. Because now we got 21 minutes to wrap this thing up. We can do it. This category is called You Say Ferrera, I Say Ferrara. And it's the films of America, Ferrera, I say Ferrara. And it's the films of America, Ferrera, and Jerry Ferrara. And this particular
Starting point is 00:54:49 one is from the year 2006. Three stars from Leonard. He says about this movie that it's about four pals. And he also says Kyle McLaughlin of the Chin and Twin Peaks fame, appears unbilled in this movie for whatever reason.
Starting point is 00:55:11 And Leonard lists 11 names, it looks like. Yeah, 11 names. How many names can you get in Master Pancakes, John Smith? Four pals, you said? Four pals. It's about four pals, you said? Four pals. It's about four pals. Eleven names? Eleven names. Clearly there's four pals
Starting point is 00:55:31 and then a bunch of other people. At least. Seven more people. That are not pals. Let's do ten names. Ten, he says, Charlie Hodge. Ten. That is a plump number of names. I feel like I could do it in nine. See, that's the way to play.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Paul, zero names. Now that's another way to play. Ruining Tim's chances. So gangster. Pat Healy needs a microphone. So I either have to guess the movie or tell him to guess it. Or you can go negative if you want. Do you think you know what it is?
Starting point is 00:56:08 What does negative one mean? Negative one means you name the movie and you have to say something bad about it. And you have to name the top billed person if you say negative one. I'm going to go for it. 2006? Yeah. That's a man's movie. No, no for it. 2006? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:26 That's a man's move. No, no, 8. 8, 8, 8. 2008? Yeah, yeah. Jerry. Is that what I said earlier? You said 6.
Starting point is 00:56:33 I get my 6s and 8s mixed up. Or 8. I did? I said 6 or 8? You said 6. Is it 8? It's 8. I'm pretty sure it's 8.
Starting point is 00:56:42 Don't make me take out my reading glasses. So if I say negative one, I have to name the top elder actor and name what the movie is? Mm-hmm. I'll go for it. All right. Now we go to Chris Cubis. Well, name that movie. Chris says name it because he has no idea.
Starting point is 00:56:57 That means Tim Surrogate said zero names and he didn't even have the correct year. He was just trying to blow the spot up. He was going Jeremy Winner on Tim's spot. I think he trying to blow the spot up. He was going, Jeremy Winner on Tim Spock. I think he still knows what the movie is. I think he knows. They made it twice? Do I have to guess it? Yeah, I said name it. I need top build.
Starting point is 00:57:16 What's the movie called and then what's the top build person? Is it Alec Baldwin in Brooklyn Rules? No. Let's hear it for Pat, everybody. Pat Healy is leaving the stage. Traveling pants too soon. What was the movie?
Starting point is 00:57:34 Don't put the mic on the ground. There's other players still. Traveling pants or ya-ya sisterhood? It's called The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2. No. It's Deuce. The Deuce is's the pants. It's deuce. The deuce. The deuce. The deuce is in the pants.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Yeah, and the top billed person, of course, would be Mrs. David Cross. Amber Tamblyn. Daughter of Russ Tamblyn, who was a jet or a shark. See, I was thinking it was Blake Lydon. He was a shark. No, he was a jet. Good job, Paul, though. You're keeping it going for Tim. I kind of want to keep it going Blake Lydon. He was a shark. No, he was a jet. Good job, Paul, though. You're keeping it going for Tim.
Starting point is 00:58:06 I kind of want to keep it going until Tim gets back. So he can swoop in and claim victory when you did all the hard work. But, yeah, it means we're going to back up and go the different direction. So we're going to start with who challenged who there? Yeah, yeah. So we're going to start with you, Paul.? Yeah, yeah. So we're going to start with you, Paul. All right, Paul. And then go to Charlie.
Starting point is 00:58:28 And your category is, this category has come up a lot on the show, Penny Dreadful. And that's Penny Marshall movies that Leonard Maltin gave two or less stars. And the year is 2001. Two stars from Leonard. He calls this movie well-acted but uneven. Says it was inspired by a memoir. And that there's many holes in the script. And he lists 11 names.
Starting point is 00:59:03 How many can you get it in? Paul, last name unknown. Aftanus is my last name. What's your last name? Aftanus. Okay, let's stick with just Paul. Lap dance? Let me do five names. Five, he says, Charlie.
Starting point is 00:59:22 Negative one. Oh! The sleeping bear awakes. You've got male Tom Hanks. What are you doing? Pass the microphone. Oh. So Charlie's bid is negative one.
Starting point is 00:59:42 Is negative one. Because you can either say, name that movie. It's a Penny Marshall film from 2001. Sure. Let me just throw it out there just because it's in the room. You can say negative.
Starting point is 00:59:56 She did not direct that movie that he just named. So you're in the catbird seat here, John Smith, because... You leave Nora Ephraim out of this. Did Nora Ephraim direct that movie? I'm just guessing. Penny Marshall did the screenplay then, I'm pretty sure.
Starting point is 01:00:13 She had her hands all over that. You've got mail? Yeah. No. Shouldn't have anything to do with it. Rob Reiner's in it, I think. No, he's in Sleepless in Seattle. Same fucking movie. All right. It he's in Sleep is in Seattle. Same fucking movie.
Starting point is 01:00:26 All right. It's like Sleep is in Seattle. You've got mail. It's Sleep is in Seattle with AOL. John? I haven't been paying attention for the last five minutes. Charlie, name that movie. All right, Charlie.
Starting point is 01:00:41 You have to name the top billed person and the name of the movie, and I've already told you that it's not the thing you already guessed. Do you have a new guess? League of Their Own, Tom Hanks. That was a great guess, but it's not correct. It's Riding in Cars with Boys, and Drew Barrymore was the top-billed person in that. Let's hear it for Charlie Hodge, everybody.
Starting point is 01:01:04 That movie showed her tits. That movie showed her tits. Barrymore was the top billed person at that. Let's hear it for Charlie Hodge, everybody. That movie showed her tits. That movie showed her tits. Are you... Do you have an applause sign? Yes, you do. You're dressed like a cigarette girl and you have an applause sign. That's pretty great. Was that your name tag and nobody
Starting point is 01:01:19 picked it? No, she was not here. I can promise you that. Chris has got his... he's got all the hot ladies dialed up. He knows where they are and what they're doing. I'm not a sexual predator. He is.
Starting point is 01:01:38 All he does up here is stare at the hot ladies. No, clearly by the nine empty glasses. Oh, my God. Why are you getting a different size glass every drink you order? I was trying to order Jager Bombs. There are drinks you haven't finished yet. No, there are not.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Come on. Chris, she's leaving. She's leaving. Oh, no. Come back. That's fine. Goodbye. Tell my story. Whatever.
Starting point is 01:02:00 It was 1930. She wouldn't fuck a black dude anyway. It's totally fine. Oh, jeez. I'm making it weird. God bless. Alright. Okay, so we were going
Starting point is 01:02:14 this way. You challenged him, so we're gonna go to Chris first and then to John and then to Paul. Alright, I gotta focus. Very exciting and I think we can finish in a reasonable amount of time. That's right. Yeah, we're doing great. Thanks for the wink-wink, Doug. Let's check in with the...
Starting point is 01:02:28 No, I mean we got time. Let's check in with the audience. How are you guys doing? Yeah! Really? You're right there. You're not even going to pretend to clap. I hate everybody.
Starting point is 01:02:41 Yeah, you know, I think it's going pretty well considering we're in a loud bar during an event. People are having fun. I'm still trying to win for my dude. People are having a great time. I'm trying. Playing strategy. I'm here at the bottom three. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Top three, I think it's called. Top three. Apparently I'm a submissive. I didn't know. You had no idea. All right, Alright Chris your category Give me something good I hope you think it's good I've been throwing out some real bummers
Starting point is 01:03:09 This one is As suggested by Bugs Bottom I think he's got a couple of them in here Snowpiercer What do you think that is? I remember You've done it already on the show right It's Movies where someone is killed by an icicle What do you think that is? I remember you've done it already on the show, right?
Starting point is 01:03:29 It's movies where someone is killed by an icicle. I'm a goddamn fan. That's why I'm on the stage. 1990 is the year. Okay. Three stars from Mr. Maltine. Sure. He calls this movie stupendously unbelievable.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Sure. But then tacks on, but very entertaining. Yeah. I'm going to go negative one. He says negative one because he's had some time to think about this. And then which way
Starting point is 01:03:59 did I say we were going to go? I don't know. To John because he challenged last. Okay. Negative one. He says negative one, John. Stupendously unbelievable. Someone dies via
Starting point is 01:04:09 icicle. I should have asked everybody to give me their name tags when they got knocked out so I could read all the shitheads. If you had a name tag and they got knocked out, put it back up here if you can, and I'll read your shithead.
Starting point is 01:04:26 Name that movie, Chris. Alright. I hate to see John Smith go, but I think that Chris has this pretty locked in. The movie is Die Hard 2, Die Harder, and the top build is Bruce Willis. Wait, what did you get? Didn't you bid zero?
Starting point is 01:04:42 I said negative one. Oh, negative one. What do you guys think? Okay, I'm going to give it to you. But it's just Die Hard 2. Oh. Yeah. But you know what I mean? The marketing subtitle, yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:57 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Let's hear it for John Smith, everybody. John Smith. Oh, thank you. It's not Die Hard 2, Die Harder? I really thought Die Harder was... I'm pretty sure...
Starting point is 01:05:09 Well, on the VHS... You also fucked me up on No Nouns with 48 Hours because I really thought it was 48 Hours, not HRS. The internet's never going to hear this. No Nouns? It was No Vowels. Nouns! Yeah, I'm pretty drunk.
Starting point is 01:05:25 We're doing all right. I'm pulling for you, man. I'm trying. Somebody's getting deported. I hope the listeners... That's a racist Mexican joke. I hope the listeners heard that glass broke. That's like a perfect, like... You know, what's going on here today.
Starting point is 01:05:44 Because it's like... There's a lot of people here that are super psyched about what's happening. And then there's other people here. Who are not so much. And two of them are on stage with me right now. Yeah. Paul and Chris, you guys. Let's hear it for them. This is the final round.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Woo! Paul's going gonna win without Tim League What does that say? Charlie Hodge's shithead Charlie Hodge's shithead It's not the actual shithead You work here so when you put a note on the stage
Starting point is 01:06:18 We think you're telling us something we need to know I thought it was gonna sign saying Wrap it up or something But it's your shithead. All right. I'll say it again. And there's one on the hoverboard too, right? Yeah, it's already there.
Starting point is 01:06:31 All right, cool. And there's probably one on that Leonard Maltin guy. I'm guessing. All right. So who just, you just named it. So we'll start with Paul. Cool. And this category, I've been trying to get rid of it for a while.
Starting point is 01:06:46 It's finally going to happen. A Prairie Home Companion. Movies that have bestiality in them. The year is 1972. Ooh. Three stars from Leonard Maltin. Also weird. He says about this movie that...
Starting point is 01:07:05 Super sexy. He says the final sequence is a gem. And he also says the shitheads are coming in. And he also says that this movie is uneven and also at times
Starting point is 01:07:21 tasteless. Tasteless and uneven. And he lists a whopping 8, 11, 13, 19 names. 19 names listed for this movie that has bestiality in it. How many can you get it in, dude? What was the year again? The year was 1972, about a good 20
Starting point is 01:07:50 or 30 years before you were born. Let's do 11. He says 11. I can't believe how confidently and smoothly Paul has stepped into the show. He's a scholar and a gentleman. I would have had him be a guest before a lot of these guys.
Starting point is 01:08:15 Well, I listen to this in the car all the time. For sure. I try and play along with it. My guests often don't listen to the show, so they're very confused. Noah Segan watched us do it here last year. He was in the audience watching it happen, so. Honestly, you said it's 19 total. You said 11. I said 11.
Starting point is 01:08:32 I'm going to say name it. Oh, he's going to let you name it. Because I have no idea what the fuck it is, so. All right. Put the pressure on him. He gets 11 names, but I feel like how old it is might be a factor. Do you know a lot of old movies, Paul? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:50 From the 70s? Yeah. Would you say that the 70s was perhaps the greatest generation of filmmaking? Because that's what I say all the time. All the time? Yeah. Yeah, the little thing called Star Wars and The Godfather. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:04 And then a bunch of other shit. Isn't it Staying Alive from around that time, I think? Chris, I'm going to declare him the winner if you talk like that. The dance sequence at the end of Staying Alive is amazing. Didn't you mean Saturday Night Fever? I think you did. No, but Staying Alive has an amazing dance sequence at the end of it, also directed by Sylvester Stallone.
Starting point is 01:09:24 Are you really saying that? Now I feel like I'm going to lose. Like, you know shit. Well, I just watched it. I don't know. Just watched it from beginning to end? Yeah, it was really funny. Oh my god. Alright, here's your 11 names. I have a good feeling about you now.
Starting point is 01:09:39 Yeah. Robert Walden, Jay Robinson, Jeffrey Holder. He's that guy that used to go, Regis Philbin, he's that guy that used to go, Ah! Ah! Ah! Sidney Miller, Pamela Mason,
Starting point is 01:09:58 Heather McRae, Robert D. Lewis, Aaron Fleming. What did Pat Healy just take off my table? A badge. Oh, okay. Jack Barry. You get 11?
Starting point is 01:10:17 It's 11. All right. Here we go. Gene Wilder and Burt Reynolds. Son of a bitch Those are big names Oh yeah they are Oh my god
Starting point is 01:10:30 I've had nightmares Gene Wilder And Burt Reynolds Were in a movie That had bestiality in it No one Say shit out there Don't say the name
Starting point is 01:10:38 From 1972 It's real prizes I see two dollars That's Four Luthies If you're in New York. Settle down, McFly. Me and you.
Starting point is 01:10:50 You butthead. Once you make like a tree, get out of here. Yeah. Can I have the clues one more time? Yeah, you can. This is exciting. And we still have four minutes. Tim better not show the fuck up.
Starting point is 01:11:06 That guy is really bad. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Tim League back to take this thing home. Oh, you son of a
Starting point is 01:11:20 bitch. What a fantastic fest. Who's punching you in the face this year? Is it Ty West? It might be you, I think. I don't know. What did I miss? Bring me up to speed. Who are you boxing on? When is it? Saturday? I don't know. Some candy ass named Ty West.
Starting point is 01:11:38 Oh, shit. Can I take that back? That's going to be a tight... He's not going to listen between now and tomorrow. I know he watches MMA. He's like a hardcore Joe Rogan dude. He doesn't watch it. He is an MMA fighter.
Starting point is 01:11:52 Oh, God. What are you doing? Just pull his Ed Hardy shirt over his head and go to town hockey style. Just do it like that. What's happening? I have no idea what's going on. Oh, motherfucker. I was so close to winning for you. And then... Fuck that guy. What's happening? I have no idea what's going on. Motherfucker,
Starting point is 01:12:06 I was so close to winning for you. And then, fuck that guy. You know what? Hey, Dursley Blues doesn't have a shithead I was supposed to be
Starting point is 01:12:13 playing for that guy. I was the first guy to get on the board. I grabbed it. I was having a nice conversation. You fucking plucked it out of my hand.
Starting point is 01:12:19 Yeah, because I have a fucking hand. This is what karmic payback looks like. I don't know why I'm so angry.
Starting point is 01:12:25 All right. Doug, what's happening? Tim League, this is going to be a very exciting finish because it's between Chris and Paul. Paul has really held up nicely. He's done real well. Made some really good moves. It's like he listens to the podcast
Starting point is 01:12:37 and knows stuff about movies. I'm going to try to get people who do both of those things the next time I do a show. And Darcy's writing down her shithead. I'm going to tell you all the information, Tim, and then you're going to try to get people who do both of those things the next time I do a show. And Darcy's writing down her shithead. I'm going to tell you all the information, Tim, and then you're going to name this movie. I feel that strongly that you're going to be able to do this. Because Paul got 11 names out of 19. And this movie, the category is it's got bestiality in it.
Starting point is 01:13:00 Oh, it's my favorite. Yeah, here, give him the mic, Paul. I love that. I'm good. Three stars from Leonard. The year is 1972. Ooh. Yeah, here, give him the mic. I love that. I'm good. Three stars from Leonard. The year is 1972. Ooh. Yeah, ooh is right.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Three. Yeah, he says about this movie that it's uneven and tasteless, but he also says that the final sequence is a gem, and there's bestiality in this movie, and the 11 people that you a bestiality in this movie. And the 11 people that you
Starting point is 01:13:26 can hear that are in this movie are Robert Walden, Jay Robinson, Jeffrey Holder, Regis Philbin, Sidney Miller, Pamela Mason, Heather McRae, Robert D. Lewis. Yeah, you can't talk amongst
Starting point is 01:13:42 yourselves, but if you come up with a name, I'm going to call you the winner. Aaron Fleming, Jack Barry, and here's your two names, Tim, that should put it over the top. Gene Wilder and Burt Reynolds from 1972. It's got bestiality in it. Are we allowed to converse about it? No, you can't talk to me.
Starting point is 01:14:02 Out of it? I'm out of it? Yeah, you don't know it, right? I think I know it. He thinks he knows it. Oh, you can't talk to me. Out of it? I'm out of it? Yeah, you don't know it, right? I think I know it. He thinks he knows it. Oh, yeah, by all means. Tim doesn't know it. By all means. What's it called? Is it Smoking in the Bandit? What's it called, Paul? No, no, no, that's not it. He's joking around. What's it called?
Starting point is 01:14:18 Is it Kentucky Fried Movie? No. Ah! No, it isn't. It's everything you've always wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask from Woody Allen. Yeah, yeah. Gene Wilder has sex with a sheep in it. I've seen it.
Starting point is 01:14:36 Yeah, of course you've seen it. Let's hear it, though, for Paul and Tim. Tim League and Paul, whatever his last name was. Schmeckle Mackle. It's like Afghanistan. The stage was set for like an awesome Cinderella story. The Hail Mary. Bring us the shithead. Thanks, dude.
Starting point is 01:14:52 I'm a shithead too. Isn't it a Cinderella story if you own the building we're in? I don't think you know what Cinderella story means. Oh, you didn't read the Cinderella Where she was a venture capitalist And she was just being held down By her underlings Thank you guys so much Tim, Lee, and Paul
Starting point is 01:15:15 And our winner is Chris Cubis everybody Chris always comes to play Yeah you guys can leave the stage. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Okay, we're out of here. Give you a graceful exit. You got another film to go introduce, don't you? No, he's good.
Starting point is 01:15:34 All right. Now he can hang out. Come buy me a shot, son of a bitch. Yeah, shot, shot, shot. Pick your pick. Yeah, you get to pick. We'll drink whatever you give us. I'm going to throw mine out.
Starting point is 01:15:47 Right in front of him. So who won the prize pile? There he is. Marty McFly won the prize pile. So come get this part first because it's in a bag. And then see how much of the rest of it you can get into that bag. And we don't read your shithead because you won. And let's collect all the other ones, Chris,
Starting point is 01:16:05 if you don't mind helping out. Don't mean to make you work like that. Thank you, everybody, for coming. Let's hear it for all of my guests that were here. They've all left the building. And as always, Victoria Pollock is a shithead. Mike Mitchell's Super Dicks
Starting point is 01:16:31 is a shithead. Chris Taylor, Xander, and Will are shitheads. Somebody slipped in a bunch of names. It's supposed to be one person. What's up, Chris? Oh, there's an extra shithead. What do you mean?
Starting point is 01:16:47 There's another one that someone whispered to me, but he didn't remember it. Okay, go ahead and say it. Keith Ruckus is a shithead. Oh. Oh. That's a terrible plug for Ruckus Cafe. Delta Stewardess is who wouldn't bring me another beer even though she drops someone else's peanut wrapper in mine is a shithead. Charlie Hodge is a shithead.
Starting point is 01:17:17 This receipt. Another Keith Ruckus is a shithead. What's going on? Whoa, shots, shots, shots. And, oh, and of course, Noah Segan for losing is a shithead? What's going on? Whoa, shots, shots, shots. And, oh, and of course, Noah Segan for losing as a shithead. Oh, you son of a bitch! What is it? It's mostly
Starting point is 01:17:33 hot sauce, I think. Oh my god, that's disgusting. I mean, I'm a man, so I'm gonna drink it. It's a drink I made up on the fly. It's called Fuck You, Doug Benson. Chris is going to do it. No, no, here's what's up.
Starting point is 01:17:49 I'm going to do it, but Tim's going to do it with me. Yeah, Tim's going to do it with me. I'll fucking do anything. There we go. It's Pimms and a floater of sriracha. Oh, yeah. Fest, fest, fest, fest, fest, fest. It's actually pretty good. Oh, shot fest., fest, fest, fest, fest, fest. That's actually pretty good.
Starting point is 01:18:06 Oh, shot fest. Thank you, Tim League. Thank you, Chris Cubis. Thank you, everybody, for coming. Play that end theme, soundboard. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you
Starting point is 01:18:28 Cause Doug loves movies

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.