Doug Loves Movies - Alex Brightman, Doogie Horner and Steve Morrison guest
Episode Date: June 26, 2016Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Doug welcomes Alex Brightman, Doogie Horner and Steve Morrison to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California P...rivacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, is this... It doesn't sound like it's on to me,
but I guess it is.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name's Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Nicely done.
Coming to you once again.
How long has it been?
About a year.
From the gassiest comedy club.
It's Helium Comedy Club
in Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania!
Let's call it
Saturday, June 25th.
2016
even.
I like to be very specific
because sometimes people listen to these
years from now.
And then they show up at some comedy club
because they said I'm going to be there on Wednesday.
So I've got to be super clear.
Let me see your name tags, Philly, if I may call you that.
Oh, no.
That baby is so, so terrifying.
It's a woot monkey sticking out of a baby.
And the baby's name is Corey. That's your
name? Okay, Corey.
Put that creepy thing
away.
Holy shit, though. There's so
many good ones. This is
crazy.
I don't know about that doll in the back, either.
What's going on with that shit?
Look at that creepy thing
hovering over there.
It's like one of those goddamn Annabelle movies.
Annabelle Live.
What's the name of that doll?
Melanie?
And that's your name?
Okay.
For future reference, you guys, just bring in an object
and say that it's named your name.
Everybody wins.
Well, good luck.
I think the panelists are all dudes,
so I don't know if anyone's going to want your dolly.
There's something blinking back there
that I can only there A couple blinking things
I can only see the blinking part
And not what they're trying to highlight
So I hope that my guests today
You can put them down now you guys
Thank you for bringing so many
Big ones and light up ones
And hopefully my guests will do a good job
Of perusing the room
Before deciding who to play for
It's time for Doug Plugs,
probably everybody's favorite part of the show,
especially when they've listened
and forgotten what year this episode takes place.
Doug Loves Movies is returning
to Los Angeles this Thursday.
Oh, first of all,
who's coming back tomorrow
for more Doug Loves Movies here?
A couple people. Well, good for you, who's coming back tomorrow for more Douglas movies here? A couple people.
Well, good for you, because that's sold out as
well. So, like, if after today's
show you're like, I gotta go again tomorrow.
Too late!
These three or four people
that had the
gumption
and the resolve
and the trust, they trusted
me.
I was writing, I wrote
the other day, there's only 27 tickets
left for Douglas Movies on Sunday
and someone wrote back to me
Saturday. And I had
to write back and explain that I
was doing shows on two days
and that Sunday was in fact
still had 27 seats
left to be sold.
Lady.
You get into the weirdest arguments.
And then she was like, oh, sorry.
So it ended nicely.
Tampa, Florida, I'm doing stand-up next Saturday,
one week from today, at 420,
at the Improv in Ybor City.
Bring your name tags.
We're not going to do a Douglas Movies there
because the recording gets fucked up every time.
But I'll record it with my phone
and we'll play Last Man Stanton.
So it'll be almost like seeing a Douglas Movies taping.
Okay, so the next Douglas Movies in Los Angeles
is Thursday, June 30th at Meltdown Comics.
And Douglas Movies is at the Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio for the first time.
That's also at 420 on July 9th.
DouglasMovies.com.
That's DouglasMovies.com.
From the corrections department, the September 2 taping of Douglas Movies in Seattle at the Neptune
Theater has been moved to September 1
due to scheduling issues. Yeah, that
sounds mysterious, right? Please exchange
your September 2 tickets for September 1
tickets or get a refund from point of
purchase. And sorry for the inconvenience.
It was just a screw up
on some people's parts.
Including myself.
And it is
the
Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship
of the Ring.
Someone in that audience convinced me
there's no the.
Okay, man.
Can't trust anybody these days.
And also, it's just,
I thought it was crazy
that it would be the Lord of the Rings,
the Fellowship of the Ring.
That might be the world record
for the word the in a title.
The, the, the, the. Let's look in the prize bag. That'll be the world record for the word the in a title. The, the, the, the.
Let's look in the prize bag. That'll calm me down.
Let's knock over my drink and look
in the prize bag. Those are both things
that make me much happier.
The, the, the, the.
Got a pipe from Peacemaker, not the Peacemaker.
This is pretty sweet.
A guy, let me read you the note this guy wrote me.
Dear Doug, if you want to use these,
I'd love to contribute this coaster and belt buckle
to this or future prize bag.
So this is future.
I traveled with this.
They aren't perfect.
Just a little hobby I like to do
when I get Doug.
Thanks for coming to town.
I'm so excited for the show.
And I think this was in Minneapolis, I think.
And I got him after the show,
so I'm giving them out now.
A fucking coaster that says Douglas Movies on it?
It's very nice.
Listen.
I was almost going to bang it on the table,
and I was like,
the microphone's the perfect way.
Listen.
Listen.
All right. And a Douglas Movies t-shirt,
and
I think there's something else in there.
There's definitely from my
personal VHS
collection.
Yeah,
there's one more thing in here.
The aforementioned
Douglas Movies belt buckle.
This is like a legit belt buckle.
This could be right over your cock or vagina.
It's a good time to remind people
that I love movies.
And I love movies.
And I love VHS tapes.
I brought an episode
of Brotherly Love
because, hey,
it took place,
it was shot in Burbank
but took place
in Philadelphia.
Starring Joey Lawrence,
he was like,
whoa.
And, um,
and an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I Only Have Eyes For You was the name of that one. So I'm guessing it's an episode where someone goes blind.
Or someone receives a gift that's a pair of someone's eyeballs.
All of that's going to be won by somebody
in addition to whatever my guests brought.
And I got three good ones for you today.
Please give a big warm welcome
to Doogie Horner, Steve Morrison,
and Alex Brightman!
Thank you! to Doogie Horner Steve Morrison and Alex Brightman
yeah yeah just go ahead put your drink down there.
Just put your drink on the baby.
I got a pretty sweet setup where I have this huge table for my one drink,
and you guys all have to lean forward and put them on the table of someone in the front row.
I'm sorry for that.
I can't reach that now.
Okay.
But you got enough mobility with that mic to get that drink when you need it, right?
I've had like seven.
It'll probably slow you down, too.
Yeah.
It's not a bad thing.
Pacing.
Yes, pace yourselves.
Because, folks, it's his first time on the show.
Let's hear it for Alex Brightman, everybody.
Pleasure to be here.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
Oh, thank you for be here. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me, Doug. Oh, thank you for being here, because regular listeners to the show
know that I'm obsessed with, you know,
I should have a show called Doug Loves Musicals.
And one of my favorite musicals of a while now
is a little show that's currently running called School of Rock.
And Alex plays Dewey Finn in that production.
Tony
nominated.
Yeah.
Lost to some Hamilton bullshit.
That Tony loser.
They're all there going...
I'm like, oh, what is this?
After school history?
Rock?
It's not even all true.
School of history.
But that was a fun upset that the dude who plays
the dude who shot Hamilton
Burr for the win, man.
Aaron Burr won.
He finally gets the last laugh.
You probably got to go to some mixers with the other nominees
and stuff, right?
I didn't. You didn't? If you lose, they with the other nominees and stuff, right? I didn't.
You didn't?
If you lose, they take away everything else.
Did you meet?
Yeah.
But did you meet the other nominees that night?
I had to do the whole month before that.
It was all press and we were all together.
You got to get together.
But that Lamar Odom Jr., he's awesome.
Lamar Odom Jr., yeah.
That's his name?
Leslie.
Leslie Odom.
Yeah, yeah. They're all awesome. Leslie. Leslie Odom. Yeah, yeah.
They're all awesome.
There's not a bad guy in the bunch.
Yeah, but that was fun that he won, you know, because...
It wasn't for me.
Lin-Manuel won for a bunch of other things.
I was, you know, I would have been so excited if he won.
That would have been crazy.
You know, even though it just was all about Hamilton this year.
I couldn't have given a shit.
The nomination was the win.
It almost, well, it does.
It just says.
Yes.
It's all about the nomination, right?
And I say that only because I know this is being recorded.
Well, if you had won, you wouldn't be here right now.
We're kind of happy.
Lynn Leslie Hamilton
Would be here right now
This is my consolation prize
This is what I get to do
I was fired from my shows and now I have a new panel
Well we all haven't won a Tony
So that's why we're here
We're all on our way to EGOT
I'm going to get an EGOT right after I get you pregnant.
Doogie Horner is here, everybody.
I would say that Doogie Horner is my third favorite fictional name.
Wow.
My second is Dewey Finn.
But number one is the person that Dewey Finn has to pretend that he is.
I'm so glad it didn't get changed from the movie to the show.
Yeah.
Because it's my favorite name in all of fictional stuff.
It's a great name.
Ned Schneebly.
Oh.
The kids are always going, Mr. Schneebly.
It's so fucking awesome.
Schneebly is a good word to say if you're having your picture taken.
You can't say Schneebly in that style.
Everyone say Schneebly.
Sounds like a Dr. Seuss adjective.
Yeah, it's very...
Sounds like a Dr. Seuss adjective for like a genitalia situation.
It's a little Schneebly down here.
I snorbled her Schneebly.
And since
this is Doug Loves Movies,
I gotta say that
School of Rock is a movie that I
cherish quite a bit. I love that movie.
And when you love the movie going into a
Broadway musical, you know, you could be
fucked. You could be like, oh, everything they're doing is wrong.
Or it could go magically the way you want it to go.
And I think you guys did a great job of still doing the movie, keeping the songs from the movie.
Yeah, adding 13 more.
Yeah, and then 13 more.
But written by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Yeah, of all people.
Because when you think rock and roll.
Yeah, you know, cynical types would immediately be like,
oh, you know, he writes songs for singing cats.
But, and people on roller skates.
But he kills it with the songs as cool as rock.
They're really good, and they indeed rock.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, all right.
I could talk about this for the whole 90 minutes.
I really wish you would. It'd be great. But, you know, I got something. I could talk about this for the whole 90 minutes. I really wish you would.
It'd be great.
But, you know, I got something to talk about with this gentleman on the end here.
Let's hear it for Steve Morrison, everybody.
Preston and Steve is the show.
Yes.
W-M-M-R. Thank you. 93.3. Preston and Steve is the show WMMR
93.3
Is that right?
What's that?
93.3
You were just doing a live broadcast with each other
It was all over the tent
It was written everywhere
You gotta see Doug at a Hershey Park
At about 7 o'clock in the morning
It's an amazing thing
If you've seen a unicorn
You've seen something just a little
less unique
than Doug. You may never see a unicorn,
but once a year, on a Friday
in June, I
appear out of the woods of Hershey
with a tinfoil
hat on with a point
at the top, because I
misunderstand the concept and thought
people would have to kiss me but
yeah there's
nothing more fun than a 7.15
a.m. sky rush yeah
yeah but the funny thing is Doug walks
out and I think even a sniper
with glaucoma could pick him out of the
crowd in an instant
because he's just got that Doug Benson vibe
amongst a whole bunch of
cut off t-shirts and stuff like that.
My weed vibe surrounds me like
the dirty kid in Charlie Brown.
That's really it, yeah.
There was
actually one point we were not sure
you were going to be able to open your eyes.
What?
We were actually going to get a guy,
a cut man from a boxing
to come in and do it for you.
Oh, I'm so glad we got a Rocky reference in already.
The Dirty Kid.
I know his name is Pigman.
I know you did.
I read that comedy as I go.
It's funnier to say the Dirty Kid.
I forgot it too.
But it's such a sweet,
genuine love
of American theme parks
that you're just,
you are like a kid
in a theme park.
Foreign theme parks
can suck my dick.
It's American theme parks.
No, it's theme parks
in general.
I haven't gone to
some of the foreign ones.
They're horrible.
Because, yeah.
They're all run by communists.
I like to live.
I've been told by many people
who probably know this,
to be true,
that Tokyo Disney is the best
of all the Disney parks.
Really?
How tall do you have to be to ride those rides?
Ah, boy.
We'll be back with traffic and weather.
Low, low hanging fruit.
Low hanging fruit.
Low, low, low, low.
That was really funny.
But that is super fun every year that we hang out there outside.
1,500 people get tickets.
It's the most sought-after ticket next to Hamilton is the chance to go out there.
And you can watch the radio broadcast, but you could also run off and go on a ride.
The rides are open right away.
Yeah, that's the best. The rides are open right away.
Yeah, that's the opposite.
To gain access to a park like that,
years ago when they were having Comic Relief,
you know, HBO used to run that,
they sent me out to do some sort of promotional thing,
and they gave me the mega cut.
I was going past kids with tracheotomies and all that stuff,
and I'm like, oh, wow, this is great.
Well, yeah, that's the thing,
is when you have a tracheotomy,
you can still stand in line.
You're not in a wheelchair just because your neck is fucked up.
I was on to him, yeah.
It's so nice outside.
It's so dark in here.
I love it.
I love...
Basement comedy clubs bring out the best in me.
Let's talk about Prize Bag.
Because I could talk to you guys about all the things you do all day long.
Doogie and his shirts alone are worth plenty of...
Lots of discussion.
Magnum called and he's like...
Jealous he can't grow the beard as well
What'd you bring for the prize bag Doogie?
I brought a copy of my book
Some very interesting cats perhaps you weren't aware of
Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Yeah
It's full of cat drawings and short stories
Hey Alex could you Give Alex the book for a second
And Alex just turn to a page
I think they're all just little short paragraphs
About each cat
Yeah, sing us one
Don't do that one
Do a different
Oh, you're going to pick a good one?
Which one would you like said music?
You'd hope that they would all be good pages if you published it, right?
Well, some are better for singing than others.
This is a good one?
Sure, yeah.
This is poetic.
It's called Tanis Chimera?
Yeah.
Okay.
I actually never figured out how to pronounce that word.
This is the first dude you see in this book.
It's like, yeah.
Yeah.
He hasn't cracked a copy yet.
He just gives them out on my shows.
That's the ticket.
All right.
So this would go...
This is Sam.
Her.
It's a guy.
We're all using one bathroom these days.
A creature fearful of immortal make
is the chimera.
Flapful wings of terrible featherness
bedeck her broad
back and hoofy
hooves hover below
below decks
below backs
stuck
stuck to the hinder
parts of this hellish
undulate is a grim
eyed cat orb
which breathes forth flameful flames of flame.
That was beautiful.
Thank you.
That's the way the book was meant to be read.
This is more like Shakespeare.
You have to see it performed.
It's hard to read.
You've got to watch it performed.
Dewey, I thought I heard music coming from your classroom.
That's Mr. Schneebly to you.
Oh, that's right.
Ned.
I love the name Ned.
The whole name's great.
All right.
So you have a copy of that book for the prize bag.
Thank you very much.
What do you have for the prize bag, Alex?
I went shopping at Five Below.
Before that, a bartender gave me this yesterday.
It's an extra large shirt of a Miller Lite astronaut.
I really don't know.
I think she gave it to me because I was talking too much.
She was like, have a shirt and get out of my room.
I got beer-flavored jelly beans.
Wow.
I got a can of Duff Energy drink,
which I didn't know was a real...
I thought it was going to be a fake,
but it's filled with liquid.
I'm going to be sure to shake up this bag real good.
This killed me.
Bean Boozled,
which is like Bertie Bott's beans,
but Jelly Belly was like,
we'll do our own thing.
So it could be like cat vomit or I don't know.
And then the last thing I got was, oh, Big League Chew, because I didn't know they still sold it.
Yeah.
I was like, yeah.
I always thought it was the most anti-Semitic gum.
And then I read the label.
I was just hearing people say it.
Big League Chew? Why are you hearing people say it. Big League Jew?
Why are you so proud of having some Big League Jew?
This isn't a minor league Jew.
That's terrible.
Big League Jew.
So Alex, somebody's playing the role
that you originated on stage tonight, right?
In New York?
Yeah, man, I'm on week vacation.
At the Winter Garden Theater?
Yeah, there's two dudes taking over the role. Are they York? Yeah, man. I'm on week vacation. At the Winter Garden Theater? Yeah, there's two dudes
taking over the role.
Are they good?
Yeah, they're great.
As good as you are?
I haven't seen them.
That's the point
of me not being there.
Yeah.
If I was there,
I would be there.
Okay.
But I've heard they're wonderful
and they are wonderful gentlemen.
And I'm only saying that
because this is being recorded.
Right.
But you do have to,
you have to help work them into the show,
sort of?
I don't.
You get involved at all?
No, they,
director and everything like that,
no.
I just,
I did my work for three months.
I created this thing.
They come to you for tips?
They do.
And there's tips.
There are tips.
Okay, good.
Yeah, there are definite tips to the role.
It's very high-active.
Don't fall into the orchestra pit.
I've lost 56 pounds doing the role
because it's just so high energy.
And a lot of them have stamina issues up top.
And then every show,
you've got to still kind of pretend to be fat.
What do you do?
Go to Shake Shack right before the show?
I'm not skinny.
I just sort of puff out my stomach a bit.
I was a lot fatter.
I gained 35 pounds for it.
Oh, my God.
It's nicer now.
It's easier now.
Well, I'm going to do An episode of the show
Called Doug Lowe's Musical
Someday
And we'll talk about
This shit forever
Yeah I'm on vacation
From my show
I'd like to talk about
Anything else
Yeah right
You don't care about
This right now
But you're in it
For a while more right
Till November
At the very least
Okay
Nice
Go see them you guys
Quick question
It's really good
Are they gonna do
As they did with
Are they gonna do A movie as they did with him,
are they going to do a movie version of the musical?
I don't know. That'd be kind of cool. That'd be great.
That's my whole life now. Now I have to talk about it more,
because that's one thing...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
We're settling into movies.
I was ready to move on to what you brought for the bag,
but you started it, so...
No, my thing is, it's fun to see see in the movie there's a bunch of characters,
kids who end up being roadies and designing the costumes
and the girl that manages the band, all those other jobs,
because they can't sing.
And it works great in the movie, but this is a Broadway musical,
so the kids that can't sing and can't get in are awesome singers
and sing songs throughout the show,
but they just don't have a good audition
when they try to get into the band.
That's where we lost you?
Yeah.
No, you didn't lose me.
I just thought it was cool to have, like, you know,
because I thought those kids might just not sing
because they're not, you know, but it's a musical,
so everybody has to sing.
Everybody sings.
Everybody's got to.
All right, Steve, what did you bring for the prize bag?
All right, I brought a collection of what appeared to be direct-to-Blu-ray movies.
Uh-huh.
I consider myself fairly pop culture savvy,
and I'm not even sure these are existing in my hand right now as I hold them.
You know any of those titles?
This one has some of the...
This is the entire company of Silicon
Valley in this movie. And then some
Search Party, which
might very well get taxed right off. We have, thank you for
holding this, by the way. Eye in the Sky.
I think I do remember a
ads for this one.
It's a drone movie. A drone movie.
Yeah, it goes on and on.
It is, though, however,
very nicely done.
Good.
This, of course, is hugely popular now.
I believe it's the last film
Alan Rickman appeared in.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Thanks for bringing this back.
It's soon to be the last film
Alan Rickman appears in.
And Only Yesterday,
which is an animated soon-to-be classic.
Now, this one I had no idea about.
Hollow Crown, which is with Benedict Cumberbatch, classic. Now this one I had no idea about. Hollow Crown,
which is with Benedict Cumberbatch, and it is about the War of the Roses.
I guess. The Tim Hulkenberg
song. All crowns are hollow. That's how
you put it on your head. That's the spot for your head.
And if you love the first one,
the sequel, London has
fallen. Yeah.
London has exited.
Of those two...
Oddly prescient.
Very topical.
Of those two White House understaged movies,
this is probably the better one, right?
Yeah, definitely.
Thank you.
All right.
Thank you, Steve.
Pass those down.
That's a tremendous...
London falling at the top of the...
That might be months and years of re-gifting for somebody.
A lot of good stuff in there.
And before we get to the game portion of the show,
I do like to ask everybody the same question.
We'll start with you, Doogie.
What was the last movie you saw?
If you die right now,
what was the last movie you saw in this life? You don't have to put it in those kind of terms. It was the last movie you saw In this life
You don't have to put it in those kind of terms
It was the last movie I saw if I lived too
Either way
What is the last movie you saw
Before dying or living
Well I love old horror movies
But I had surprisingly never seen Sleepaway Camp
So
I watched Sleepaway Camp,
and I was worried it wouldn't live up to the hype.
Totally lived up to the hype.
The movie's awesome.
It's a little rough going, though, right?
It's like you stuck with it
because you just knew...
No, see, I thought...
Did you know the ending?
I knew the ending already.
Oh, okay.
Classic.
I just loved all the different little parts.
Is someone making the noise?
The noise that she makes at the end?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, maybe.
Or just trying to get a...
Just order something.
Like all the fashion that everybody's wearing is hilarious.
Like all the guys are wearing these super short shorts
and these crop tops.
And then the cuts are hilarious.
Like there's one point where they're like,
we got to be more careful around here.
And then they cut to a bunch of kids
on the roof of a cabin
throwing water balloons at each other.
Like I can't tell if they're trying to be funny or not,
but I think it's a great movie.
The guy that runs the camp is like a creep,
but also like comic relief.
So he's like being disgusting and scary.
He's dating the one girl.
But he's also sort of making jokes.
Yeah.
It's very weird.
And isn't the lead actress
Springsteen's sister, isn't it?
Isn't the lunatic?
Yeah, I think somebody knows her.
That's what he calls his sister.
Allegedly, Steve.
Settle down.
Anyone know Steve Wake?
I think that girl is...
Don't besmirch Springsteen's sister.
Is it the second one?
It might have been the second one.
I know she had like crazy pubes
they show in the movie and it's...
They got...
Who's that you're talking about?
Lunatic Springsteen?
Lunatic Springsteen.
Like...
They got to like part three or four or something.
There was like a half one that was made.
It was a half a movie?
Yeah, there's like...
Yeah.
I think like part four isn't the completed movie,
but you could still get it somehow.
All right.
But yeah, the Sleepaway Camp movies.
Thank you for that.
And especially just in time for summer.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I thought it was seasonally appropriate.
Totally.
What about you, Alex?
What was the last movie you saw?
I think it was Zootopia.
Okay.
In a motion picture theater?
No, in my house theater.
Because it's just now on
all the formats and stuff?
iTunes.
Rented it.
Yeah, did you like that?
Yeah, I did like it a lot.
I was told I was going to like it
and then I did.
And then
I did right afterwards though
because I don't know why
the double feature was this.
It was this and the movie Hush
which is what I just watched which is the double feature was this. It was this and the movie Hush which is
what I just watched which is the
indie one that was at the Sundance
which was a girl being, a deaf
mute girl being like hunted like
what were we just saying? Wait until
dark. Like Wait Until Dark.
What happened right? She's not in it
but it's
but yeah it was a strange movie.
Wait Until Dark means you know once it's dark
she's got more of the playing field levels but hush to a girl who already can't speak that just
there there's really laying it on thick there's a there's yeah there's a bit in the middle that's
wait till the train goes by all right so, so watch this, not that. Of those two films, which one would you say recommend over the other?
Zootopia.
Okay.
I guess that wasn't going to be that difficult.
A little more lighthearted.
Yeah.
But the Zootopia, what got me through it, because, you know, the morality tale, as it were,
and, like, there's a lot of things that are good about it,
but the thing I liked most about it
is the jokes
are pretty consistent
and throughout
like it's got
really good jokes
it's well written
it's not really
it's not branched on
it's not like hinging on
good funny goofy characters
that can make like
plush dolls
yeah and you know
but the sloth I would buy
it's about time
Jason Bateman
was the voice of a fox
yeah yeah yeah
that's just crazy perfect
totally
and the girl who does
what's her name?
Jennifer Goodwin?
Jennifer, yeah.
Jennifer, which I think is hilarious.
Yeah, G-I-N-N-E-F-E-R.
She's really good as Judy Hopps.
Because I watched that again on a plane recently.
Because the first time I watched it, I went, that was good.
But then watching it again, I was like, this is really, they put so much shit into these.
Just the scene where she's in the train going through all the different lands and stuff,
it's like the animation's incredible.
I heard that that movie was supposed to be about the fox.
Yes.
Was that right?
We had the actual, the writer and the director in on the show, and they confirmed that.
About halfway through, they said, nah, this is working better this way, and they changed everything.
And, I mean, they had to redo a lot of the animation too just in the basic focus
of where the film was going.
So it obviously worked.
Yeah.
Let's make the movie
about somebody
that's trying to do good
in the world
instead of a fucking swindler.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Steve,
what was the last movie you saw?
Well,
I watched it last night
on the Criterion Collection.
Ooh!
Ooh!
I had the extra dollar to spend, so I went for it.
Yeah, The Graduate.
The Graduate.
If you haven't seen The Graduate at this point,
you're missing a masterpiece, Mike Nichols.
One for directing.
The picture did not win for Best Picture.
He does all sorts of things you just don't do.
He didn't know not to do them, like jump cuts and all that stuff.
And it works amazingly.
Using one musical act for every scene with music in it.
It was all Garfunkel and Oates.
I'm kidding.
Garfunkel and...
Simon.
Simon.
That's what they were called.
Yeah.
I mean, Simon, Theodore, and Alvin.
Yeah.
But yeah, that movie,
the music really makes it work.
And the scene where,
often copied ever since,
but probably the first time it ever happened,
where he ran out of gas, and so the music on the soundtrack ran out of gas right comes to a stop it's great same pace
yeah really cool movie and looks brand new and really funny still holds up yeah absolutely yeah
everybody's at the top of their game buck henry at the fucking check-in counter of the hotel
nobody funnier just being dry and reacting to some lunatic who's trying to pretend
to be, you know, he's giving him
a fake story about getting a room.
Gladstone, right? That's his name, his
fake name when he's going in. What's his real name?
Benjamin Braddock.
Yeah, Braddock, not Babbitt.
That's right. Plastics, the classic
line. Classic one word
line.
Last movie I saw was None of Your Business.
Wow.
Yeah.
Sounds like a media flex.
I'm not going to answer the question.
I'm going to plead the fifth.
I've only been seeing parts of movies lately.
Like I saw a little chunk of San Andreas today.
Classic.
On HBO.
Classic. It HBO. Classic.
It's a classic.
I like how they use Simon and Garfunkel
for the whole soundtrack in San Andreas.
Hello, darkness, my old friend.
That would be...
Somebody should recut that.
That would be really...
I can't sleep with you again.
Yeah.
Just buildings falling down.
Yeah, I can see it.
Yeah, it's real tragic.
The Rock's trying to save his family.
Forget that he's
in charge of one of the few emergency vehicles that could save his family. Forget that he's in charge of one of the few
emergency vehicles
that could save many lives.
He just chases around
his own wife and daughter.
And they're even getting divorced.
Wouldn't that be a sweet deal for him
if she just died? I'd see it.
No way.
That'd be great.
It'd be a great movie.
At the end, they play Homeward Bounds.
It'd be fantastic.
Right?
The big...
Me and Julio down by the school yard.
Yeah, a little Paul Simon solo shit gets in there.
Yeah.
All right, Bert Kreischer, you can stop listening right now
because it's time for me to say,
let the games begin!
Let the games begin!
Bert listens to the show, but he doesn't like the games part.
Oh, strange.
Which you could discover if you listen to him on the show.
Took me five guest visits by him to go,
oh yeah, he does not like this part.
We got name tags, you guys.
Lots of good ones.
So, gentlemen.
Jesus Christ.
Take your time.
There's a boot monkey making noise.
Doogie's already pointing.
Just grab whatever one you'd like to play for.
Yeah, hold that thought.
While they look around, we're going to do a brief commercial message.
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Alright, we're back.
Nice name tag selection
process, everybody.
Let's start with Steve.
Who are you playing for?
And I'm going to get a picture of it.
There we go.
This is Jim T, right?
All right.
And it's Jimmy Got Fingered.
With a little bit of me on top.
Yeah, and he somehow included you, like, peering up from behind the poster on the phone.
I enjoy watching people finger themselves, and he was aware of that.
Could you put that a little more of an angle?
You're like, you're getting more, there's more light shining off of your fake bald head than your real one.
Damn it.
Here we go.
Oh, that looks good.
That looks good.
All right. Good job, Jimmy. Here we go. Oh, that looks good. That looks good. Alright. Good job,
Jimmy. You got picked.
Steving Las Vegas is
a crazy poster
like...
I don't think that the stars of
Leaving Las Vegas had expressions like that
on their faces.
I think it's a drama. It's artistic expression.
We're both excited and happy
to be steving Las Vegas.
We're going to steve the shit out of Las Vegas.
What happens
if Steve stays as Steve?
What is the significance of the
Tasty Cakes?
And he just attached Tasty Cakes.
It's silly, man.
It's just a bribery thing.
You were supposed to notice them and be like,
he's so hungry.
I don't get high, man.
All right.
But here, is that true?
Like, do you just not get high always,
or is that bad for your voice when you're in a musical?
I've never done it, not once.
Never ever?
Never ever.
All right, well, we'll talk.
All right.
Doug, that actually makes two people on this dais right now.
I've never been stoned or drunk.
Ever.
The drunk is really spectacular.
I mean, that's really amazing.
It's true.
You've never been drunk?
I've never been drunk in my life.
I've never been stoned.
What if they asked you to be on Drunk History?
Would you do it then?
Eh, we can talk.
Yeah.
It would take you like a glass of Raleigh.
Some light punch.
What are you doing for a nickel?
What's that?
Nothing.
All right, so Doogie, who do you got here?
I got Grim Laura's.
And it's a Gremlins poster.
Yeah, and there's a Gremlin with Christmas tree lights on it.
It's a little fuzzy Gremlin.
I don't know if that happens.
Does that happen to him or just to the dog?
No, it happens to him or just to the dog?
That happens to him, right?
Oh, okay.
And I give my son could... Oh, can I keep the plush?
Is that the thing or do I give it back?
I don't think you can keep it.
I bet you they want it back.
You want it back, right?
Whose is it?
His face says keep it.
Hers says don't keep it.
I was going to give it to my son.
Would you trade this flush, Gremlin,
for all the crap in this bag?
I thought you said all the crack in this bag.
It's a pretty big bag of crack.
Oh, and also that Peacemaker pipe I put there
has only been used once.
Just so you know.
Great job
Selecting your name tags
And yeah maybe
I'll let you keep it
If you win
No I'll give it back
I don't want to take
Your gremlin
Alright
But you can
You know
Put all this stuff
On the floor
Is there a shithead
On the back
Because that's
The consolation prize
If you don't win today
Is I'll read the
Shithead that they wrote
On the back of the name tag
At the end of the show
I got one
I know that guy I went to school With that guy Oh no Oh me too The name of the shithead that they wrote on the back of the name tag at the end of the show. I got one. I know that guy.
I went to school with that guy.
Oh, no.
Oh, me too.
The name of the shithead.
Yeah, me too.
All right, well.
Did you?
No.
It didn't even make sense.
It was just a lie.
I know.
Amateur.
Oh, me too.
Really?
Nope.
No.
How are you doing today?
You went to school with the old troll?
Yeah.
Because he comes up a lot in the shitheads these days,
as you can imagine.
People are scared.
Let's start with a game.
It's a sensation that's sweeping the nation.
It's Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
I got my table over here, but also they got a fan set up,
and I'm realizing that paper and fan don't get along.
Like if it was rock, paper, scissors, fan,
fan would really dominate.
Well, the scissors could cut the fan's electrical
Yeah I know
I didn't think it through Doogie
I feel like the rock really
The rock really has an advantage over the fan
Yeah you're right
But no you're right
It would be an extra
It would beat the paper
But it also more annoys the paper
It doesn't really beat the paper
It blows it away
It's still alive
The spinning blades Right? What's that? The spinning blades should cut the paper right It doesn't really beat the paper. It blows it away. It's still alive. The spinning blades, right?
What's that?
The spinning blades should cut the paper, right?
We should talk about this for a while.
I mean, it would blow it away.
I see some holes in that paper.
I don't think...
It's a fan, so the paper can't go into it.
Why not?
It gets pushed away from it.
See that?
Yeah.
What if you load it through the back?
That's a good point.
I'm an idea man here oh what if the rock
and the paper
team up together
right
then the fans
beat the fuck out of that
I would love to see you drunk
you would love it
see
we've talked about this before
and I'd be wandering
down the street
with a pistol
and it'd be bad
oh boy
I'd go totally Martin Lawrence and it wouldn't be good so you'd have a
heatstroke in the mouth I heard that was Martin Lawrence's first time yeah he
took a drink and then ran out into the streets this sword all right so here's
how this game works.
IMDB likes to list what people are best known for.
It'll name four projects, usually movies,
from any given actor or actress.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to start listing off somebody's top four,
and you can buzz in at any point with your own name.
It was fun one time when Doogie played this game,
the answer was Neil Patrick Harris.
Another
Doogie. Super confusing.
And
he didn't say Doogie first.
He just yelled out Neil Patrick Harris.
Which you gotta
take from a guy named Doogie.
They're one and the same.
But yeah, you buzz in with your own name,
Steve, Alex, and Doogie,
and
you get negative one point if you miss.
So make sure you come in when you really have a good
feeling about it. And the first
person with the most points after
how many rounds do I have
on here? Four rounds
will be the winner.
Might have a tiebreaker.
Any questions? No, all good.
You okay? I'm nervous.
You're going to do great. Thanks, buddy.
It's just like Broadway.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's no bad shows.
Only shows that go bad.
Yeah.
There's no small roles.
Only short midgets.
Only midgets.
I don't know.
There are midgets in theater.
Are any of the kids in your show little people?
Yeah, yeah.
There's a bunch.
All of them. Yeah, there's a bunch.
All of them.
Yeah, that's the secret.
They've all been playing guitar for 45 years.
They're all midgets.
They're old road guys.
They're members of the original Crickets. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Here we are at the School of Rock.
Used to tour with midgets.
The first movie. Buddy Holly. Used to tour at Midget's. Yeah.
The first movie in the first round
is
The Jerk.
Everyone's like,
I know people that were in that.
Doogie.
Are you going for it for reals? Yeah. All right. Steve Martin. That in that. Yeah. Doogie. Are you going for it for reals?
Wow.
Yeah.
All right.
Steve Martin.
That's correct.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was sure it wasn't.
I was sure it wasn't.
It was too obvious, but you were bold, sir.
Yeah.
That was a bold move, because it could have been Bernadette Peters.
Jackie Mason.
That's what I was thinking. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
Bill Macy.
But instead, it is Steve Martin.
So you can name, you've got one point, you can name three more Steve Martin movies and get three more points.
Let's knock them out. Here we go.
Parenthood?
No. Let's knock them out Here we go Parenthood No Come on you can do it
I feel good about this
Planes, trains and automobiles
No
One more you can do it
Father of the bride
Check the other side
No Check the other side. No.
How come there's none of those?
They went with, strangely enough...
It's crazy.
Cheaper Brother doesn't?
No.
Shop Girl.
Oh, come on.
Shop Girl.
Shop Girl.
It goes...
Rockstar?
Shop Girl.
Like, nothing happened in between.
Yeah.
It's just a different kind of jerk now. Bow happened in between. It's just a different kind
of jerk now.
Bowfinger.
And the Pink Panther.
Oh, yeah. Classic.
Yeah. And I think
when somebody writes on their movies,
I think that that elevates
those movies because he was a writer on all of those.
You said that it had a weird, wonky
metric to it.
Here's your proof.
There's all sorts of, like, how many clicks it gets, how many awards it's won.
Some of them are like comedy festivals, too.
It's not even sometimes a movie.
What? Huh?
What was that?
Huh? What?
So, Doogie has one point for that round.
Good job, Doogie.
Thank you.
Here comes the next.
Nobody's happy about it.
Yep.
Hometown hero.
I mean, hometown hoagie.
Here we go.
Wah-wah.
Wah-wah.
Wah-wah.
Wah-wah.
Wawa.
Wawa.
Wawa.
I said on stage the other night,
so it's not really cheating to say it again now.
No, it is cheating to say it again now. Yeah, yeah.
But it's getting it on a recording
where more people will hear it.
That, I finally figured out why it's called Wawa.
Ah, boy. What did she say? Helen Keller's it's called Wawa. Ah, boy.
What did she say?
Helen Keller's first words.
Wawa?
Like she was thirsty and went into a Wawa?
Yeah.
Hey, yo, can I get some water?
Can I get some water from the well?
I eat Wawa.
Oh, we got our name.
Good thing we were having the naming meeting
when Helen Keller wandered in.
That's one thing they don't tell you in the history books.
Yeah.
She was craving a for real smoothie.
That's called Wawa
because when you eat one of their hoagies late at night,
your stomach starts making sounds
like the teachers on Charlie Brown.
Wah-wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah.
Round two.
Fargo.
Right?
Reservoir Dogs.
Doogie.
Doogie.
Steve Buscemi.
That is correct.
We're just watching.
Yeah.
You get two more guesses, Doogie.
Okay, they got to be movies, though, not TV shows?
That's a good point.
I can't answer that.
It's just, it's projects, so sometimes they do put TV shows in.
Boardwalk Empire?
No.
Damn it.
Really?
Not this time?
Bowfinger.
No.
One more.
Steve Buscemi.
We've narrowed down the one TV show he wasn't in.
It's not an answer.
Ghost World?
Oh.
No, they went with Monsters, Inc.
Fuck.
Mm-hmm. And the Big Lebowski.
Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
Of course.
Doogie?
All right, so Doogie got a point for that one,
so he's up to two points.
Runaway train never coming back.
Wrong way on a one-way track That's great, man.
You're supposed to jump in.
You're Mr. Musical.
He's like, I'm on vacation.
He left you hanging.
You're winning.
I'm drinking vodka.
All right.
Round three.
First movie.
Three coins in the fountain.
Each one.
That was a Planes, Trains, and Automobiles reference.
Oh, okay.
Okay, sorry.
Under Siege.
I'll go for it.
All right.
Steve?
Tommy Lee Jones.
I'm sorry, no.
Doogie.
That was Doogie.
Doogie got right in there.
Steven Seagal.
That's correct.
Oh!
Yeah, way to steal
There's no way you know another Steven Seagal movie
It's hard
My mind is racing right now
I feel like you could say two words
Like in a movie, front door
Hard
Hard locks
Impact punch
Squint man Hard locks. Impact punch.
Squint man.
Ponytail.
No offense.
I've got one.
Explosive ponytail. You were looking at me when you said that.
No, it's just...
Oh, I got one.
Hawaiian fool.
Okay, okay.
I'm dressed for the season.
I like to have fun.
How do people know I'm funny
if I'm not wearing a funny shirt?
Yeah.
That's a good point.
Under Siege 2.
Oh, come on.
Full title.
What's the full title?
Full title.
Ah!
Under Siege 2, danger train.
That sounds...
Under Siege 2, Danger Train. Under Siege 2, Die Hard on a Train.
Okay, you got two more guesses.
I can't even...
There was that...
Wasn't there one where he was like,
hey, look out, everybody.
I'll help out.
The bodyguard?
Huh?
The bodyguard?
Fired down below?
Is that what?
I did a movie
where I was under.
Under.
So then I had an idea
to do a movie
where I was
above the law.
Above the law.
No, it's too late now.
We'll see it.
No, no.
Under Siege 2, Dark Territory.
Which is, that's a horrible.
That title would not fly today.
Danger Train.
That would not fly today.
Dark Territory.
That title would not fly today.
Oh, shit.
And On Deadly Ground.
Classic.
Have you ever seen
that's the oil refinery one?
That's where he goes
on a vision quest
and has the option
whether to have sex
with a beautiful woman
or this old crone
sitting on a bare skin rug.
Do you remember that sequence?
Anybody remember this?
No.
Should I be drinking?
It's one of my favorite parts
in the movie
because he's fighting
the evil oil companies
but he still wants to
toss an Eskimo.
Yeah.
I'm surprised she was into it.
That's where he...
Excellent.
I don't even know how... In a way, it's just perfect.
I mean, there's the gnome joke,
but there's not a...
No, that's too perfect.
There's no topping it, do you know?
No, there's not.
Do you know? No, there's not. Do you know?
All right.
Just keep saying it.
Don't laugh eventually.
All right, so Doogie got another point for that?
Wow.
Is that what happened?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
So now you have four points?
Three.
No, I think it's three. That's right, he just knocks them down
and then doesn't name another one
It's good
Alright, so we've got a fourth round here
We'll see if one of you guys can catch up to Doogie
How would that happen?
You know, if you buzz in first
and then name the next three
That's one of the four points
So you would tie if you did that
and Alex would win if you did that successfully.
And Alex would win if he did that.
But it's tough.
At this point, why not take a chance?
Is what I'm saying.
So, the first film
is Jackass the Movie.
Alex Brightman.
Alex, I think you
said your last name too?
Yeah.
I like it.
Who is it, Alex?
Johnny Knoxville.
Okay, let me just do a quick recap.
We did Steve Martin, Steve Buscemi, Steven Seagal.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
All right, okay.
Son of a bitch.
Alex Brightman.
All right, okay.
Son of a bitch.
Alex Brightman.
Steven Bam Margera.
Oh, go ahead.
Just do it.
All right, so Alex missed that one.
Which means we're tied.
Yeah, we're tied. Doogie. Does anybody else want to buzz in? Do're tied Yeah we're tied Doogie
Doogie
Doogie had raised his hand
Steve-O
Yes
Sorry
No you were
Taking it hard
It's cheap
So you got four points
And yeah
It's
Wait let me
Your lead is insurmountable
But it's fun
It is fun
To go down memory lane
With the films of Steve-O
Exact titles, please.
Last Picture Show.
Yo Jimbo.
Yo Jimbo.
No, I don't know.
I have nothing of this.
Oh, Jackass 2?
Jackass number two.
Number two.
Oh, okay.
Number two.
No points for that.
Jackass.
Jackass 3?
Jackass 3D.
Come on, man.
I think you can get this next one.
Jackass 4.
Jackass 3.5.
Just not going to happen.
I couldn't have imagined that being more fun than that.
That played out perfectly.
I knew it would be a weird round,
but that played out very nicely.
All right, so that makes Doogie's the winner of that game.
Congratulations, Doogie.
Thank you.
But you've still got miles to conquer before you sleep,
because now you're going to get to go first in a few rounds of
whose tagline is it anyway?
This is a hard one.
We'll start with Doogie, then we'll go to Alex, and then Steve,
and I'll just name, you know know I'll read off a tagline
from a movie poster or an ad
or something for a movie
hopefully a well known movie
and you just guess
what movie that's the tagline for
simple enough
we'll start with you Doogie
you alone
oh just me yeah nobody in the audience nobody on the staff We'll start with you, Doogie. You alone.
Oh, just me?
Yeah, nobody in the audience. Okay.
Nobody on the staff.
I'd like to use a lifeline.
You're a helium.
Lifelines are later.
You're totally on your own.
I've never felt so alone.
That was the tagline.
Lifelines are later.
You're totally on your own.
Slumdog millionaire.
Why do you know something
when it doesn't count?
I just do it for the fun.
All right, here we go.
What movie has a tagline,
three times the laugh,
three times laughs,
did I say laughs?
Three times the laughs,
three times the stupid,
three times the pain.
Jackass 3D.
That's correct.
I was worried it might be three and a half.
Three and a half times.
Alex gets to go first on this next one.
Okay.
What movie had the tagline,
a deadly new attraction?
Fatal Attraction 2? That's a really good guess
This attraction is deadlier than the last
No, incorrect
Steve
So it's not Fatal Attraction 2
A deadly new attraction
Oh shit
Is it oh shit?
I mean they try to come up with a new one every year.
Hershey Park.
A deadly new attraction.
But now we're talking about a movie with that tagline.
A deadly new attraction.
I would have gone with your guess.
I'm drawing a blank.
All right.
We'll move on. I think I know'm drawing a blank. All right. Yeah.
We'll move on.
I think I know it.
Go ahead.
All right.
Well, hang on.
It's Doogie's turn.
Sounds like an awesome made-for-TV movie.
It's Doogie's turn.
Wait until dark.
It's Doogie's turn.
Oh, Doogie.
This is a hard one. I don't know. Final Destination 2? Oh, that's notogie's turn. Oh, Doogie. This is a hard one.
I don't know.
Final Destination 2?
Oh, that's not a terrible guess.
What do you think it is, Alex?
I was thinking it was Wild Things 2.
No.
Okay.
Or Poison Ivy 2.
No.
No more guessing.
All right.
It's Jaws 3D.
What?
What?
Jaws 3D. All? Jaws 3D.
Alright, we'll start with you in this next one, Alex.
Okay.
Jaws 3D. Yeah, Jaws 3D.
There's something in the water.
There's
something in the water. What movie
sold lots
of tickets off of that awesome tagline?
There's something in the water.
Piranha 3D?
That is correct.
He cracked the code.
He cracked the code.
That's a good movie too.
Thank you.
I enjoyed that movie.
James Cameron did that, didn't he?
What?
No.
No, the original Piranha. Candace Cameron? Is that what you said?
James Cameron. James Cameron
wrote the screenplay
for the original Piranha. Piranha,
yeah. He directed one of them also. Did he?
Yeah, the second one.
On Deadly Territory?
On Dark Ground?
On Deadly Pond.
On Deadly Pond. On Deadly Pond.
Theater joke.
Yeah, I think Louis Teague directed the first Piranha,
if I had to guess.
You know, the corrections department's not busy.
They can look into it later.
All right, let's do one more.
Let's start with Steve so he can tie this up. I'm big time here, alright let's do one more let's start with Steve
so he can
tie this up
I'm sucking big time here
so let's try it
yeah I think you might
this might be the one
think you might nail it
the tagline for this movie was
in mind blowing 3D
so it's a 3D film is what we're thinking about.
In mind-blowing 3D.
Yes, it's a movie where they thought they could sell it that way.
Earlier in the 3D cycle to make it, to use that hackneyed sort of approach in mind-blowing 3D.
I love it when guests
use logic.
Takes you straight to the right
answer.
Instead of that, get
that migraine you're used to at the 3D
films. You know what?
If you're going to applicate
the one that really reactivated
the 3D cycle big time
it's i'm no i'm wrong but i'm going to say avatar yeah right that's still the best one i think in
terms of just how the 3d looks it's way up there it's so good jungle book was pretty good right
yeah yeah i just watch them flat mostly, so I don't...
No. Doogie?
House of Wax.
Right? That feels like that'd be about right, maybe.
I feel like any time you say something really comforting,
like, oh, that's a really good answer, wrong.
I don't do that every time, but that was very wrong.
Alex, for the win.
I feel, see, my logic is that it feels like
it's a movie that already existed now.
We didn't say now in mind-blowing 3D.
Yeah.
That's my only thing.
So in mind-blowing 3D.
Oh, yeah, they set out to make,
this was definitely, 3D was in the plans.
All right. For this movie. Oh, yeah, they set out to make... This was definitely... 3D was in the plans.
All right.
For this movie.
Spy Kids 2.
You know, we're going through and picking movies for this game.
I almost went with Shark Girl and Lava Boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I did not.
And in this case,
in Mind Blowing 3D, which is
one of several taglines that they used
for Saw 3D,
the final
chapter. Yeah.
The fucking nerve of that final
chapter shit, did they
learn nothing from Friday the 13th?
When you
call it the final chapter, that's almost just saying
there's going to be more chapters.
We're going to get all the way to chapter 11.
Hillary Clinton's joke about Donald Trump,
all of his books end at chapter 11.
That was a really good joke.
She should write for Late Night.
She's got some fucking writers.
Oh, yeah, maybe she should, yeah.
She should dump her campaign and write Fallon's jokes.
Alright, so
just because I'm a bit more excited
that he's here, we'll say Alex won that game.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Way to go.
I've just gotten
so used to you, Doogie.
I'm so comfortable with you, Steve.
And you didn't get any right
anyway.
Yeah, that's part of it, too.
I saw the Piranha movie.
The sequel was called 3DD.
Yeah, yeah. They went even
more nutty with... I didn't see that one.
It was a boob reference.
I think a piranha bites off a tit.
These piranhas got big tits.
Spoiler alert.
Jerry O'Connell gets his dick bit off
in the first Piranha 3D.
Good for him.
It's true.
Yeah, good for him.
Good for him.
How's he doing?
Good for him.
That's great.
He's married to Rebecca Romijn
and he got his dick bit off.
Good for him.
I bet right before that scene,
the director's like,
all right, you want to act like
your dick just got bit off.
Go.
Ah!
No, no, no.
That looks like you love it.
Your dick, Jerry.
Your dick.
Let's try it again.
I'd love to see the B-roll of his.
It's like the green screen dick.
It's just all green.
It's somebody's job to take the green spray paint and go...
Andy Serkis playing his dick in the show.
Yeah.
And now back to the bizarre file.
He knows his stuff. Fucking Steve with the zingers just jumping in there.
I'm too tired to really give a fuck.
I love it.
Did you go on any rides after the thing?
No, I had to buzz back.
I had a charity thing to get to.
You guys always have other shit to do.
I know, but that was for you.
This is really, it's Doug Benson day.
It really is.
It's such a...
It's great when the mayor of Hershey comes out and gives you the key.
It's really the whole thing.
And they let me touch every year the zoo out there, Zoo America.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What?
You stopped mid-Sunday.
They let me touch
You have a zoo
And they
They're a bunch of
Willing children
Who participate
It's your favorite day
They let me touch
Zoo animals
They understand
It's the right touch
I just felt I needed
To set up that
They have a zoo
Before I started
Talking about
Touching anything
It's a good zoo
Have you ever
Walked over to see it?
I haven't
Next year is the plan Is to actually stay the whole day.
If we do it again next year, I hope we do.
And that'll be my plan is to stay the whole day and do more stuff.
This time I just did all the roller coasters and then got out of there.
Oh, and I also ate some.
Cattlecorn?
No.
Cattlecorn is my shit.
Chicken tenders.
I don't know what they called them.
Chicken fingers?
Maybe.
You know, but they have a name for it or something.
I don't want to say Hershey fingers
because that sounds dirty.
I would not eat that.
These are good.
Hershey fingers.
But yeah, I had a little snack and got out of there.
But next year, next year I'm going, if they'll have me back.
You are open door every time.
I'll go for the whole time.
But we got one more game to play tonight to determine who wins all the prizes.
And can we get help for that lady who's just been stabbed?
All right, act like your dick just got bit off.
I can't just ignore a stabbing and go on with the show.
I'm just not that professional.
I'd like to get her some assistance as quickly as possible.
This last
game is called Last Man Stanton.
We're going to get the name of the actor or
actress. Actor's
supposed to cover both, but I still feel sexist
just saying actor.
And we
just have to take turns naming movies that
that person was in. If you can't
think of one, you're out. But,
and I like to play along, but if you
can't
think of one at some point, or at any point,
for any reason, when it's your
turn, you can use a lifeline one time.
And your lifeline is the person whose name tag you chose.
So I think two of you are in good shape.
I didn't name names or anything.
No, I think all three of you have some movie lovers on your side.
And they can help you out whenever you need them.
People write to me on Twitter
suggesting that they have the best
name that could ever happen for
Last Man Stanton.
They say they've done the research.
I love when some people go, I've got
an okay name.
Or I've got one I think you've only
used a couple of times.
Those always really get
my attention.
But Jester190, is it Jester190 here?
Yeah.
Yeah.
How you doing?
What's your real name, Jester?
Rob.
Rob.
And Rob, what do you do for a living?
I work for a mortgage subservicer.
He works for a mortgage sub servicer yeah i was just throwing it out there i didn't i didn't know how to react to that
and the audience didn't either it was like only a few people have passion about it one way or the
other uh but uh pay well you doing good not? Not bad Alright He's here
He's here
Yeah
He's got 10 bucks to spend
Yeah
Or what's it cost?
50?
Wow
What are you trying to do to him?
He's got 300 dollars
Sorry
I don't know
I haven't paid for a comedy show in
It's 10 bucks to get in
When we do it in the back of a
Hot comic book store But here in the classy. It's 10 bucks to get in when we do it in the back of a hot comic book store.
But here in the classy
helium,
it's a gas.
We like to
charge accordingly.
They got grape food.
They got the Hershey fingers.
They got...
Hershey fingers
is one of the...
It was a classic
baseball player, right?
Yeah.
He had the mustache
that looked like he curled it with his own shit fingers.
His name was Herschel.
It was Herschel's Herschel fingers.
Raleigh fingers.
Rolo fingers was his name.
We did this game.
I should tell you this right now, Steve,
while I have you here.
We did this game every year when I'm out there
at Hershey Park where they give me...
Hershey has a lot of different candies that they
make. They've taken over
the whole candy world.
They put three different candies in a
cup, or this time we did it with just
one. But the idea is you put the candy in your
mouth and you have to name what the candy is.
I have such a good time out there.
I love Hershey. I love Hershey products.
But a couple years ago,
I quit sugar. So I never
eat sugar anymore. Oh, we know that.
Because every time it happens, you guys are like, now we're going to do this
game with you. And I'm like, okay.
I'm not going to be like, I quit sugar. Fuck off.
Also, it's a great excuse to break
my, you know, to have some sugar.
Like if I was, you know, if I was in recovery and you had an alcohol game,
that would be fucked up.
Did you get the impression we would curb stomp you
if you didn't participate in the game?
No, no.
I know you'd be nice about it.
It always doesn't occur to me until you're handing me
a cup full of Reese's and stuff.
And I'm like, well, I always like this stuff.
Next year it'll be strains of kale.
You guys kept
saying, Doug Benson, candy expert.
I was just like, I quit sugar, man.
But they were classic candies,
so I did quite well in the competition.
You dominated.
Kudos to you.
Thank you very much.
They don't make kudos to you. Yeah, thank you very much. There's like seven candies. They don't make kudos, though.
No, they're...
So kudos to you.
Kudos to you.
Oh, another candy bar.
What a great prize.
Yeah.
I just sat here eating candy,
and the prize is candy?
Not cool.
All right, gesture 190.
Bring it to us.
What name are we going to play? William H. Macy. Oh, gesture 190. Bring it to us. What name are we going to play?
William H. Macy.
Oh, my God.
This has come up before.
The panel rejected it.
Very controversial name.
Are you guys okay with naming movies of William H. Macy?
Doogie says no.
I'm just happy to be here, man.
Alex is happy to be here.
Steve.
I'm a team player kind of guy.
He's been in a ton of movies, for sure,
but he's a squirrely one.
I'm good for it.
All right.
We're going to do it, dude.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Wonder who's going to win this round.
Not to be confused with Bill Macy,
who I mentioned earlier as being in The Jerk.
This is fucking William H. Macy.
This is Bill H.
Can you remind me
who he is?
He was in...
Oh, you almost got me.
I can't even remember
who he is.
Well, that's in your luck
because we're starting
with Alex,
and then we'll go to Steve,
and then to me,
and by then,
a picture will be painted.
Yeah, yeah,
I'll know by then.
I'll be like, I know who you're talking about now.
Oh, William H. Macy.
Yeah, William H. Macy.
Oh, William H. Macy.
William H. Macy.
Oh, William H. Macy.
Yeah.
We're not talking William P. Gimble.
We're talking another famous baseball player.
Yeah, okay.
Now I got him.
Gimble's and Macy's.
Now, for the listeners at home,
this is the part of the show where everyone in the club Gets their checks all at the same time
So while that was indeed
Kind of a boring conversation
It also got extra quiet
Because people while doing math.
It's not appropriate.
It isn't fair.
It isn't right.
Go for it.
Jump in.
Come on.
I only sing songs that I get catfished.
It isn't fair.
It isn't right.
You can't laugh when you're doing math.
Wow.
Add it up.
It doesn't make sense.
Math, be a lady tonight.
Math, if you've ever been a lady to someone.
Keep those integers tight.
I'll give you a prime number.
All right.
So, William H. Mason.
I wrote it down.
It's really happening.
We have plenty of time.
Don't forget about your lifelines.
We'll start with you, Alex.
I have one.
I could crash and burn.
I have an easy one, and then I want to do... I'll do an easy one.
Fargo.
Yeah.
Fargo.
Then I have one in the pocket.
Already mentioned.
Yeah.
Good job.
Thank you.
Steve?
Jurassic Park 3.
Oh.
That is a risky one, because it could have been part three.
Was it I, I, I or a three?
It was.
I'll go with.
Did they go Romanumala?
I don't care.
You were right.
But you know what I mean?
What was the second one called?
The Lost World, right?
Yeah.
Full title. Jurassic Park The Lost World, right? Full title.
It's so confusing.
In 3D.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In mind-blowing 3D.
All right.
So for William H. Macy, I got to go with, you know,
got to say maybe one of my favorite William H. Macy's is Boogie Nights.
I now know who we're talking about.
Fargo, Jurassic Park 3, Boogie Nights, don't know what you're talking about.
Mystery Men.
Mystery Men. Wow.
Well done.
I'm not 100% sure
on this one, but I think Burn After
Reading.
Some people in the back said yes.
Enough people said yes. The people who got here the latest
today.
They were watching it. Confirm that he was
in Burn After Reading.
I don't think so, yeah.
No?
Yeah.
Well, I don't care.
He's Doug's favorite.
Listen, I'll tell you what.
I've won by being on this show.
Alex, it's you're my favorite.
We're right here.
The two of us can hear this.
Steve and I are right on stage.
Shut up, shut up. He's talking.
Dad.
I mean, Doogie, you're coming up in the ranks
now that I know what a sweet singing voice you have.
Thank you!
Comedy tonight!
They always play that here.
But, um, Alex,
would you like to either use your lifeline
or try another title?
I would like to use my lifeline.
All right, let's go to it.
Where's Steve in Las Vegas?
He says The Cooler.
Do you agree with that?
I agree with that.
The Cooler is correct.
Thank you.
Now, maybe as we bandy about other titles,
something else will come to you.
Maybe.
All is not lost.
Steve?
Well, it's a funny thing
because that's just fuck my choice.
It's funny how the timing works.
Yes.
Now, that would have been my film.
I was sitting right there,
nestled sweetly in my brain matter,
and now I'm left with... Let's go to your lifeline, Jimmy. I'm going to go to my lifeline, yeah. Let's go to Jimmy, nestled sweetly in my brain matter, and now I'm left with...
I'm going to go to my lifeline. Let's go to Jimmy, see what
he's got. Jimmy, you can do it.
Thank you for
smoking.
You agree with that, Steve? I do agree with that, yes.
Yes, he was in Thank You for Smoking.
Yes. Thank you.
Like, that's what's interesting about him as a
name, is that you kind of have to take a poll on a lot of them.
Like, are you sure he was in that?
Yeah, I think he was in that.
Yeah, okay, yeah, that was him.
That's cool.
Such a memorable actor.
Yeah.
That's Aaron Eckhart, right?
But I can name one.
That's Aaron Eckhart, yeah.
Yep, yep, yep.
But I can name one,
because it might be my second favorite
of the films he's in.
Magnolia.
Back to you, Dukes.
I'm going to go with a deep cut.
One of my favorite films, Wild Hogs.
Ah!
One of your favorite films, you say
It's a great movie
Love it
Okay
Love it
Wild Hogs
Yeah, write it down
I just did
Love it
I'm gonna go out on a limb
Because I don't think I have anymore
But hopefully they made a sequel
Oh, I like your approach.
Wild Hogs 2, Hog Hog Heat.
I feel like it'd be called Wild Hogs 2, Hog Wild.
Hog Wild, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hog Scotch.
Shut up.
I love all of them, frankly.
Wild Hogs 2, Wild Hoggin' Out.
No? Okay.
Sorry, that is incorrect.
Hulk Hoggum.
Okay, I'm done.
I'm done now.
I'm done.
They couldn't get the whole cast back.
Wild Hogs 2, less hogs.
Two and a half hogs.
What's happening?
Whose turn is it?
I'm out.
Okay, Steve.
I'm going to go with an obvious,
which would be from Justin to Kelly 3D.
You know I like a fun answer, but I'm going to have to say that you're eliminated.
That was basically me tapping out.
Particularly fun answer.
Thank you.
I'm going to go with, and this one, the audience can tell me if I'm right or wrong,
because this might just be just taking a chance.
Is he in Pleasantville?
Yeah.
Yay!
Doogie!
I'm going to have to use my lifeline.
You may have to, you think?
Well, I could guess another Paul P.T. Anderson film,
but I don't think...
That would not yield good results.
No, okay, good, yeah. I'm going to use my lifeline.
I don't think, I'm pretty sure. What's your lifeline?
Air Force One.
Air Force One.
Thank you, guys. Thank you. Big fan over there.
For some reason, just talking about him
and Air Force One just made a title
pop right into my head.
But now I'm worried
that it's not the right...
It's not exactly right.
Air Force 3D.
I want to say Fifth and Main?
No.
I fucked up the streets, right?
All right, I'm out.
Doogie?
The only guess I...
Oh, I know it now.
Fuck.
I get a guess, but I think it's wrong.
He's not in happiness, is he?
He is?
Is he?
Oh, happiness.
You sure?
I mean happiness
with full confidence.
He's not the one that's a...
He's not the shooter.
He's somebody else?
Because that guy's kind of like him.
Similar actor.
Huh?
Baker, I think the guy's name is.
Dylan Baker. You're not confusing him maybe all right I keep thinking Willem Dafoe I guess like that's always in my
head right now no that's what I'm saying the pedophile is Dylan Baker not William
H Macy so maybe that's you're confusing the two of them or they're both in it I
haven't seen in a while all right oh I Or they're both in it? I haven't seen it in a while. Dylan Baker might be in it. All right.
Oh, I know Dylan Baker's in it.
That guy.
Happiness we're talking about?
Okay, good.
Thought we might be talking about two different movies.
You look like you'd know a lot about the legend of Bagger Vance.
That's what Theo Vaughn said a few weeks ago to a guy with a golfer hat on.
That's funny.
It was like one of the few movie references
he made the whole show.
It was awesome.
But Doogie is our winner, everybody.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
So, Grim Laura, where are you at?
Come get your prize bag.
All right.
Yeah.
And it's really like all the stuff's about to fall out the bottom of it,
so hold it from the bottom.
Treat it like a baby.
You guys didn't put a shithead on the back of this.
Do you want your name tag back? It doesn't matter.
You won.
I don't care who her shithead is.
It's a consolation prize for these two.
You don't want the tasty cakes?
I'm good. You're good on those?
Throw them!
Throw them!
We haven't eaten for 90
minutes.
Did you really go to school with this guy?
Yeah, I went to school with him.
Pass me the other one there, Steve.
Who's is that?
There's nothing on there?
Nothing on there.
What's your...
Can you come write a shit head down for us?
No.
Florida Gators.
What?
Florida Gators.
All right.
The animal or the sports team?
All right. A animal or the sports team? All right.
A lot of news.
Well, because of the thing with the gator that grabbed the kid.
I thought you might be opposed to that,
but apparently you're fine with that.
Yeah.
You hate the sports team more.
All right.
Promote yourself, guys.
What do you got for us, Doogie?
When can we come see you?
Well, you can check out my new album, Delicate Man. It's available onogie? When can we come see you? Well, you can check out my new album,
Delicate Man. It's available on iTunes.
When can we listen to you?
My album?
I said, when can we see you?
And you said you've got an album out,
so I changed my question. We'll fix this all in editing.
Thank you. So you can check out my album,
Delicate Man. You can check out my book.
It's some very interesting...
Where can we read you?
Cats, perhaps, you weren't aware of.
And then also I'll be at the Punchline here in Philly next week, Tuesday and Wednesday.
I'll be at Kennet Flash on July 9th, which is somewhere here in Pennsylvania.
And then I'll be at LaTage here in Philly on the 16th.
That's some plugs.
Plug, plug, plug, plug.
That was really good plugging.
Yeah, good job.
Plug it up.
Alex Brightman
and School of Rock
on Broadway
at the Winter Garden Theater
through at least November,
you guys.
You gotta go check them out.
Thank you for having me.
What else?
Is there anything else
on the horizon
you could tell us about?
No, that's it.
I've peaked.
This is the whole thing.
That's the whole deal?
Just Broadway and then shows like this.
What was your favorite thing that happened to you at the Tony Awards?
I got to meet...
Tony?
No, you know what?
Performing and spinning.
I got to meet Tony.
It's named after someone named Antoinette, you guys.
I was clearly joking.
I tend to spit a lot in my performance
and I actually ended up spitting on Oprah.
Oh, nice.
Wow.
And I spat on where
Barbara Streisand's seat filler was.
She was not there yet.
She hadn't arrived.
All right.
Yeah.
But that's it.
That's like, you know,
Jack Black is kind of spitty
when he's singing and stuff.
He came.
He was at the show.
You get that rock and roll spit going.
Yeah, yeah.
I love it.
Well, thank you for being here, dude.
You can also see me tonight
at the Punchline
because I'll be in the audience.
Oh, okay.
Seeing Joe DeRosa.
He's going over to the,
yeah, the competing club. It's not a gas. No. It Joe DeRosa. He's going over to the competing club.
It's not a gas.
No.
It's a knockout.
It's...
It's a vicious pummeling to your face in midsection.
Steve Morrison of Preston and Steve.
Thank you.
One of the great post-Ampersand names of all time.
Oh, yeah.
Right up there with Grace.
Yes, absolutely.
And Sons.
Oh, yeah.
Or Sons, Sanford and Sons, just the one.
But what else do you got coming up?
Are there any big events you guys are talking about?
Tons of stuff We have this, which I'm sure will end in a lawsuit this year
A belly flop contest
Coming up at a pool at the Valley Forge Casino
Those people go hard
They go way hard
They really slap their shit against the water
In a very unpleasant
way. Yeah, we almost had a
full-blown Chris Reeve moment at the last one,
but it was okay.
Which moment?
I'm a huge fan, by the way.
Which Chris Reeve moment?
The horse riding. Oh, I see.
Yeah, so
and a whole bunch of things, obviously,
Monday through Friday, we're out and about.
And then there's a burger brawl tomorrow if anybody wants to come down and eat in a Caligula-like fashion.
There we go.
Gorge yourselves.
If you've never experienced the meat sweats, come on out.
And that'll be...
I'm so glad you said sweats.
And if you go to the WMMR website, you can listen to President Steve after just answering a few simple questions,
like bus size and social security number.
We're very strict.
And you also have all the highlights from your show in podcast form.
Yeah, the podcast does very well.
And then we have the Daily Rush and the Weekly Rush video captures from the show, which are doing very well.
So that's all thanks to your support.
And thank you so much for that.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much.
All right. So who's got like a big name tag
that I can nail with a tasty cake?
Nah, I'm not gonna hit your baby, ma'am.
Oh, the Dawn of the Dana. I like that one
because I can
hit my own face. Oh!
Yikes!
Good thing there's two of these.
Yay!
Yay!
You know, Doug,
Herschel Fingers would have been proud.
That's got to be one of the hashtags for this episode. Herschel Fingers would have been proud. That's got to be one of the hashtags for this episode.
Herschel Fingers.
Famous second baseman for the Bruins.
Yep.
Whatever.
Whatever.
For the whatevers.
Flyers.
I don't know.
They're sports fluid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got a bunch of shows coming up Doing Douglas Movies all over the place
And stand up shows
Go to DouglasMovies.com
For all the deets, dates and links
And one more time for my guests
Steve Morrison, Alex Brightman
Doogie Horner
Hey Doogie Warner!
Hey, Doogie,
I've got three guests booked tomorrow,
but as the winner today,
will you come back and be a fourth wheel on tomorrow's show?
Yeah, sure, I'd love to.
People are excited.
None of them have tickets,
but they're excited.
They're happy for me.
They're like, good for you.
I can't wait to listen to it,
and I can't wait to listen to it And I can't wait to do it
And as always
The Florida Gators are a shithead
And Adam France
Am I saying that right?
Yeah
Adam France
You know him?
Everybody knows him
Everybody knows what a shithead Adam France? You know him? Everybody knows him. Everybody knows what a shithead Adam France is.
Adam France is a shithead.
Play that theme.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another cocky.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.