Doug Loves Movies - Amy Miller, Billy Bonnell and "Mark Wahlberg" guest
Episode Date: February 15, 2018Live from the American Comedy Company in Sweet Home San Diego, Doug welcomes Amy Miller, Billy Bonnell and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Cali...fornia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you...
That's not the time, sir.
Coming to you once again from the American Comedy Company
in Sweet Home San Diego.
Oh!
Sweet Home San Diego! Sweet Home San Diego!
It's Wednesday, February 14th,
2018.
Yeah.
And this has become
the doing the show here
every year for
how many years now?
Two years.
It's a Valentine's tradition, you guys.
And since it's Valentine's Day,
I'd like to fall in love
with some name tags.
Let me see what you got.
Steve-O-Dead 2.
That seems familiar.
Oh, shit.
Shart School Confidential.
I saw that on the internet.
Yeah, you posted that on the internet.
Oh, there's a big minion with Douglas Movies tattooed on his face.
Despicable Jeremy.
Good job.
The ghost Doug Benson?
Serenormal activity?
Serenormal activity?
Activity? Activity?
A. Mary Kinseiko?
That's a horrifying picture of me.
Thank you for that.
Catch Me If You Dan, I like that.
It's clean and simple.
Sam Levine in the Leo DiCaprio role role and of course me filling in for tom hanks
as the dogged detective well those are the ones i can see and they look terrific and uh
thank you to everybody who brought a name tag and good luck being chosen you might win some
stuff that comes in bags like this. Like this stuff right here.
Doug plugs, this weekend,
I'm doing stand-up Saturday
and Douglas movies on Sunday.
Saturday is sold out,
but come join us on Sunday for Douglas movies
at Comedy Works in Denver at 420.
And then Douglas movies returns
to the improv in Tempe, Arizona
on Saturday, February 24th,
at 420.
And I return to Café Istanbul
in New Orleans on Tuesday, March 6th.
For all my dates and deets and links,
oh my,
go...
go to DougLovesmovies.com
That's Douglovesmovies.com
Yeah!
Denver!
From the corrections department,
Robin Williams was not in Brazil.
I slipped that one past myself.
And no one else caught it.
Oh, and I almost forgot.
Doug Loves Movies is back here
for the annual Comic-Con show
on Wednesday, July 18th.
Tickets should be on sale now.
I mean, you're...
Wait and watch this show before you get your tickets,
but you guys know what I'm talking about.
And I'm excited about the three people that,
none of these folks happen to be in San Diego,
although it is America's finest city.
None of them were here for any reason. They all
agreed to come down on
Valentine's Day for my
second annual
Valentine's Day
Douglas movies.
So I'm very
excited to have all of them.
Please give a big...
Please give it up for...
Amy Miller, Billy
Bonnell, and Mark
Wahlberg.
I'm going to sit right next to you, like I always do.
Hi, everybody.
Happy Valentine's Day.
We don't have tables or anything?
Yeah, that's a problem, right?
It is a problem.
Like a little stool would be fun.
Yeah, I looked at it and I thought something didn't seem right.
But, uh-oh, Billy's on the move.
He's a former.
Oh, that's a pedestal.
Perfect for a queen.
Look at that.
Oh, that's terrific.
Thank you, Billy.
Let's share it.
That is nice. That's terrific. you Billy let's share it that is nice
oh that's terrific
it's nice right Mark
yeah I don't think
he drinks but also
he waits until I
introduce him
to start talking
that's weird
but let's say hello
to the lady in red
Amy Miller is here, everybody.
Thanks.
It's my second annual Valentine's Day too, right?
Wasn't I here?
Were you here on the last Valentine's Day?
I feel like I was.
It might have happened.
So many holidays together, Doug.
That might be the truth.
Yeah, but
I love him.
Your boyfriend is
what's going on? Dead.
No, he has to
work tomorrow, so he didn't come down.
I'm solo on Valentine's Day, but that's okay.
He's great. He's really cute.
I love you, Adam.
He's very handsome, and he bought me
nice gifts today, and he always eats me out, so shout out to Adam.
Well, if he doesn't eat you out, there's a lot of pressure on him now.
No, he does.
I wouldn't just make that up.
That would be so weird.
There's nothing worse than podcast pressure.
So many people hear it.
But thank you
for coming down here
under such conditions. You could have just
stayed home with him. Thanks for having me.
Well, I'm reigning champion right now.
Oh, that's right. She did win in Portland
and
wants to continue
her reign, but we'll see what happens tonight.
I won't.
Because we just heard from him briefly a second ago.
Billy Bonnell is here, everybody.
Woo-hoo!
Woo-hoo!
How's it going, dude?
Pretty good.
How are you doing, dude?
I'm doing all right.
Our energy is equally low.
You guys look really festive.
We were both just wearing black shirts. We did it.
Yeah, you never know when you might have to do some covert ops.
So you want to keep at least the waist up.
You want to keep it dark
But how do you think you're going to do today
Against these two, Billy?
Oh, it's my third time doing this
And I've never won
So I'm going to try to keep that going
Alright, yeah
So maybe if you see some of the audience that you hate
For some reason, take their name tag
Okay
Teach them a lesson
And see what happens.
But man, just like a total pro here.
He doesn't speak until spoken to.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's Mark Wahlberg.
How you guys doing? You doing good?
Fucking A you are. What's up, San Diego?
Hi, Amy. How are you? Sorry I couldn't talk. I didn't have my line.
What's up, Mark?
It's just a weird way to behave. You could have said something earlier.
Maybe it's the best way to behave.
What's up, Doug?
Hey, Mark.
Hey, dude.
Good to see you.
Did you just do a line from the Disaster Artist?
No, that's Hey, Doggy.
I think he says, Hey, Mark. Oh, hey, Mark, you're right.
Fucking A, dude.
All right, so Mark has one point.
Fucking A. Let's do. It's all high, Mark. All right, so Mark has one point. Fucking A.
Let's do this shit.
No.
Very early in the show,
I'll just slipshot words
that are movie titles into a sentence.
I won't slapshot them.
I will slipshot them.
Nice.
I fucked up my own joke.
Billy!
Still here.
I mean, Mark.
We're talking to Mark.
Mark, what are you doing
in San Diego? What's up?
Dude, I'm going to be honest.
I walked out of the Malibu place today.
Just started swimming south.
Got out of fucking San Diego.
Saw you were doing a show.
You know I love to make things better.
So I showed up.
You're welcome.
You look good in front of the American Eagle.
You could have just stopped at good.
The American Comedy Company Eagle.
You guys look good together.
Oh my God, you put me next to a flag, the flag cries.
I don't know what that means.
When you're a movie star, you will.
What's the flag crying about?
I can't believe I'm fucking next to this
dude.
Literally.
Okay.
One more question, Mark,
before we move on. You can ask as many as
you want, my normal friend. Just one's good.
I was listening to your song, Good Vibrations.
I was enjoying it.
Fucking A, you were.
But I got to wondering about the Funky Bunch.
Okay.
How many people were in the Funky Bunch,
and can you name them?
That would require me,
one, to have learned their name
once.
Two...
I have a feeling you might not know their names.
Two, at one point we had 17 members
of the Funky Bunch.
Whoa, that is a Funky Bunch.
On average, we rolled with nine.
Seven are still alive.
Okay.
So what?
Did that answer my question?
I guess it did.
All right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Let's check out
the prize bag situation.
I got my stuff.
What do you,
let's see what Amy's got.
What did you bring
for the prize bag?
Well, I brought some Samoas.
That's the best goddamn Girl Scout cookie right there.
They're delicious.
No way to top that at all.
And I made it all the way here without eating any.
Got some socks with flamingos on them
that say single and ready to
flamingo.
The notebook.
For Valentine's
Day. And then
this rose, which I got
at a screening of The Room in Austin
at Alamo Drafthouse.
Oh, hi, Mark.
What's up, Amy?
That movie. And that was the line.
Not, hello, Mark.
Or whatever Doug said.
Here you go.
Thank you, Amy.
What a lovely contribution, and it's in the beautiful
Valentine's bag.
I think I topped everything.
Not everything, but
I got a pretty good item here.
It's pizza candy.
It's in a little pizza box,
but it's the entire
slab of pizza in there
is made completely of candy.
There's a piece of candy that looks like egg for some reason.
You always throw that on a pizza.
And then it also says in the fine print
do not put in the oven or microwave.
Mark, what have you got?
It's Valentine's Day.
Yes.
A lot of you people are lonely.
And I'm sure if you're like Donnie, you eat your emotions.
So, I'm about to do something I have never done in my life.
I brought one, because it's your show, Doug, donuts.
One donuts? No, one, because it's your show, Doug, donuts. One donuts?
No, one, because it's your show, Doug, donuts.
Two, there's three of them, and they are heart-shaped for Valentine's Day.
That's nice.
And I have never handed anyone carbs in my life.
And I'm about to do it.
So that's what I brought.
And you touched it, so that's nice.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I touched all of them many times.
I want them to be worth something.
Do you have a Valentine mark?
Yeah, my wife and my daughter asked me if I'd be a Valentine.
My wife!
My wife.
My wife.
You gotta not say it, dude.
Oh, okay.
And my daughter asked me.
You don't say it that often.
No, it doesn't tend to come up.
Usually if we're talking about my family,
it's just one sad person.
You guys closing out already up here?
You done?
You taking off?
For the podcast listener at home.
You just want a tip before you forget?
That has nothing to do with the show.
It's a little
crowd work.
You've been working the clubs
too long. I see a guy closing
his tab out at the beginning of the show and you're like,
must react.
I need to shut him down now.
Say something about his bow tie.
Thank you for pointing out that I work a lot, about his bow tie. Thank you for pointing out
that I work a lot, Billy.
You do. Thank you.
What? What's... Ooh!
It's Valentine's Day. We all love each other.
You look great. Great bow tie.
Yeah, that bow tie makes me feel like he's an
aspiring local weatherman.
So I also brought for the
prize bag a patch from the Golden Gate Pole Championship.
Yeah, I got to go to the pole championship
and there's a patch from it.
Yeah, the pole will be in the Olympics someday.
Some guy gave me this shirt that says
Crazy Horse Gentlemen's Club San Francisco.
And he was like, I can't wear this and he was like I can't
wear this. I was like
who can?
And here's a hat
with a pot leaf kind of thing on it
and what do you have
Billy?
I forgot it was Valentine's Day so I don't
have anything that's themed but I do
have some stuff from my house.
Dude, you gave of yourself and that's the, but I do have some stuff from my house. Dude, you gave of yourself,
and that's the most you can do on Valentine's.
Yeah, I got a lot of Ghostbusters stuff,
so I hope you guys like Ghostbusters.
One coffee mug that kind of looks like
the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
One lady said, aw, so it's already working.
So we got that.
Would you mind, Mark?
Don't break it with your super strong hands.
I touched this. Also, I have this jacket that's been in my closet. so we got that would you mind mark don't break it with your super strong touch this
also i have this jacket that's been in my closet it's a ghostbusters bomber jacket
what uh it's so small yeah yeah i can't fit into it so that's why i'm giving it away
i outgrew it right when they gave it to me
and also as a bonus that would just happened to be in the bag,
Equilibrium on DVD.
Fucking A, dude. Fucking A.
Doug, take that movie and watch
that fucking movie. Yes, dude.
You said, tell me a great movie you haven't fucking seen.
I've told you for eight goddamn months to watch Equilibrium.
You can't make me.
Dude, it's how Christian Bale of Hague became fucking Batman, dude.
Watch the fucking movie.
That kid from Newsies can fight like a motherfucker.
I also didn't check to see if the movie was in there,
so it might just be the box.
Either way.
But you can also have the bag.
And it has my cat hair all over it, so.
Okay, this seems like a cat crowd.
Just get one of those lint rollers.
It's free shit.
Don't complain, please.
Gotta go buy a lint roller
because I won some prizes.
I'm not complaining,
just talking through my agenda.
I love that you called him a cat crowd.
I hope that becomes a thing.
Somebody's like,
dude, how was your set tonight? You know, pretty good. They were a cat crowd. I hope that becomes a thing. Somebody's like, dude, how was your set tonight?
You know, pretty good.
They were a cat crowd.
I heavily rely on that at my stand-up shows.
Nice.
I don't rely on anything.
I'm joking.
I obviously rely on cardio.
So I also have this thing, this bong, this rubber bong.
Very sensual rubber bong.
How many of those do you have?
They sent me about 50 of them, so I think I'm going to give one away on every episode for the entire year.
You know, TSA hasn't said shit about it.
You know, TSA hasn't said shit about it.
So that's going in the bag.
So all that's going to be somebody's.
But before we get to the game portion of the show,
I always like to ask everybody a question.
Amy, I just asked you this question a few days ago.
I don't know if you've had time to see another movie.
I watched one last night. What was the last movie you saw?
I watched The Cloverfield Paradox last night.
Oh, on your Netflix.
You were really excited about it.
What happened?
We can talk about it.
Okay, let's talk about it.
Not now, maybe later.
Yeah, she did all her crowd work on Bowtie.
I'm done. Yeah, I'm on my Netflix at my house. I'm done.
Yeah, I'm on my Netflix
at my house. I watched it
with my valentine.
It was fine. What did you think of it?
It was okay. It was more like gross
horror than I expected.
But I have a very low tolerance.
So someone's like puking up worms.
I'm not having a good time.
I just like everyone in movies to be like hanging out,
you know,
no stress.
Oh,
give us an example of a movie like that.
Like what would be a good title for people to check out if they want a,
uh,
no stress,
hanging out movie.
Days and confused or,
you know,
like you just,
yeah,
like empire. Their children are constantly or, you know, like just. Yeah, like Empire Records.
Children are constantly being chased by men with paddles.
That's true.
In Days in Confused.
You know a good hanging out movie?
My Dinner with Andre.
Yes, they're literally just hanging out for seven hours.
Yeah.
With Wallace Shawn.
Yeah, that's a good hanging out movie.
Yeah, he sounds like you need those.
Any.
What are those videos they call?
ASMR. ASMR videos. Any Jim Jarmusch is very good for me you know have a coffee smoke a cig whatever
talk wayne wang is that his name oh wow oh good i'm fired up uh i got names in there
you know it was just stressful but it was was good. Maybe some John Sayles.
Sure.
I love that.
I love that Chris O'Dowd.
He's got a very sit-able face, and I like him.
I just saw him briefly, and I was flipping around
and saw that moment from This Is 40,
and he's in that, I guess.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bridesmaids.
I don't know, So it was fine.
Paradox. Okay.
A little too violent
for your taste, but that's all you have to say about it.
Yeah. Okay.
Mark? I didn't finish it.
Alright, now if anybody
has seen this movie, don't give anything
away. And I hope you
have encouraged as many people as i have
to see it i saw the wreck of the unbelievable on netflix has anybody else seen this movie
there's like oh my god why are you guys saying you got the name wrong what is it
correct treasures treasures from the Wreck of the Unbelievable.
The Wreck of the Unbelievable.
It's on Netflix.
Don't look up.
Don't go into it as blind as possible and just fucking watch it.
Okay, so we're not going to talk about it anymore.
It's very good.
Just go watch it, you guys.
It's a documentary, and it's very good.
That's all we're going to say about it.
I like when you let another man correct you, Mark.
Hey, when it comes to movies, you got to fucking get it right.
And that's what I do every fucking film.
Just two names of guys that were in the funky bunch.
There was Little Pete and Scratchy.
What was he so scratchy from?
He had a drug problem.
You know that deal
where a person
who has a drug problem
scratches their face
with the opposite side hand?
So if it's a right side scratch,
they do a lot of this.
That's a drug problem.
For the listener at home,
I did what I described.
Maybe he had a cat.
No, he had a major fucking drug problem.
It's a cat crowd.
I remember because I pulled Donnie aside and said, Donnie, that's rock bottom.
And Donnie said, thanks, Mark.
Was there a big Pete?
Just a little Pete.
No, he was just a little fucker,
so we call him Little Pete,
or somebody did.
Probably his probation officer,
I don't know.
Billy?
What's a funky bunch?
What are you, not American?
You really don't know what a funky bunch is?
How can you say that in front of the American bald eagle?
Am I American or the funky bunch part in front of the eagle?
Currently, all of it.
Do we have it, DJ?
Do you have it available?
Good vibrations?
It's just a good vibration.
That's a song.
This DJ is so fast.
Sweet sensation.
They were like the people who danced around me while I crushed it.
The funky bunch is his whole crew, right?
Yeah.
Come on, come on.
Yeah, more of that.
Can you do the whole rap?
You must remember it, right?
Right, when they danced around.
I mean, I'm happy to sing it.
Feel it twice.
If you've got 20 grand, I am happy to sing it.
You also will have to pay me 10 grand for playing.
Here we go.
Yes!
How about just a little ass flash?
Wait, watch this.
If you wait, people will start fucking.
That is not happening at all, man.
Yes, it will fucking happen, dude.
There will be a lot of enthusiastic consent
and they will fuck each other.
The house lights up.
No, leave them down.
Let people do what they want to fucking do.
These people are fucking over here.
Oh, no.
Look at that girl.
She started fucking another girl. Oh, my God.
You live your fucking life. Do what you want to fucking do.
For the listener at home, this is really happening.
I do see a lot of light fingering
happening. Here it comes.
It's about that time.
A lot of face hitting going on.
To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme.
Here it comes.
Fucking A, dude.
And if you listen really close to the background,
you can hear me making money
every time you hear this fucking song.
Oh, my God.
You know what? It's okay. Let's be honest.
Safe place. Close your eyes if you want.
Put your hands in the air if hearing this makes you want to work out right now. It's okay.
See, look at these fucking people. A lot of hands.
The people whose hands aren't up, they're liars.
And fingering.
Bowtie's got his hands up.
Look at that. That dude just finished. Good job, dude.
Now
keep going for her.
For the musicians in the room, can we
talk about how I sang it in exactly the right key?
All of them.
Bow tie nose.
And I haven't heard it for years.
Oh, it's so good.
It was just in my body.
There's a long ass fade on this song.
Very slow volume knob back there.
Saw these people just nodding, being like,
that is a great fucking song.
Did everybody come?
See?
Good.
I'm proud of you.
You really forget, and then it comes back,
and then you're like, oh, yeah.
America used to be so cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you know what?
If you're in the 1%, it's still pretty fucking cool.
There really isn't enough shirtless entertainment these days.
I can't even think of any really big ones.
Magic Mike.
Fucking A, girl.
Amy fucking gets it. Or maybe I'm. Amy fucking gets it.
Or maybe I'm the one who gets it.
Amy knows it.
Either way.
Yeah, I like a couple of abs from time to time.
Oh, my God.
I'm human.
Every, like, once a week, I just get a text from CT.
And he's like, thanks for paving the way, dude.
I mean, CT as in CT from the Real World Road Rules Challenge.
And Channing Tatum.
They both send you the same message?
Yeah.
CT, I'm like, you're welcome.
Other CT, you'll be able to tell by response.
I respond, how did you get this fucking number?
And then CT from the Real World says thank you again.
I know, it's kind of like we're spent, right?
That song took it out of me, I'll tell you that.
Did I ask you what movie you saw, Billy?
Yeah, but I didn't answer because I got confused by the funky bunch,
but I'll tell you now if you'll still let me.
Nope.
We're out of time.
What is it?
What was the last movie you saw?
I watched that romantic comedy
when we first met, starring
Adam Devine.
It came out on Netflix just two days ago.
I watched it.
Oh, okay.
I saw the trailer for that. It looks kind of fun.
Yeah, it's like a groundhog day type what yeah he goes back and reliving the same day yes but actually it's
weirdly he gets to do it over on purpose yeah but then he gets to live that day and he skips three
years in the future every time it's weird what yeah like a fucking butterfly effect thing yeah
with that von dutch dude i don't think he's in it i only know one person that's in it because Yeah. Like a fucking butterfly effect thing? Yeah. With that Von Dutch dude?
I don't think he's in it.
I only know one person that's in it
because I was too high to read the credits.
I like the girl that's in it.
What's her name?
Oh, you don't know.
What's her name?
The girl from Baywatch?
She's lovely.
You don't even know.
We don't know her name.
She's great.
Something Daddario.
Abba Dababado. Yeah. What know her name. She's great. Something Daddario. Abba Da Babado.
Yeah.
What's her name?
Alexandra Daddario.
Okay, let's do it.
Last man standing.
Alexandra Daddario.
Yeah, no more audience yelling out.
I asked, though.
I know you did, but you know.
It's a slippery slope.
Sorry, Doug.
It's so slippy. Sorry, Doug. It's so slippy.
Sorry, Doug.
It's very slippery.
Really slippy out there after that song.
Don't shake anyone's hand when you get their name tags.
I forget.
Are you guys loud during the name tag selection,
or are you just quiet, just hoping to get picked?
They seem pretty chill.
Well, both.
Yeah, it's a real cat crowd tonight.
I'm not picking anyone who's not dressed for Valentine's Day,
so I'm just putting that out there.
Oh, interesting.
I think then you'll select no one from what I could see.
How do you dress for Valentine's Day specifically?
Pinks and reds, mix them up, look crazy.
Paint your nails, whatever.
Just try.
There's a lot of crazy looking people in the cat car.
And now Amy would like to sing Tomorrow.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
Come on, feel it, feel it.
That would be a fucking hit.
That would be sweet. That would be a fucking hit. That would be sweet.
That would be a fucking hit.
Yeah, you're the pit bull of...
Don't you dare finish that sentence.
Alright, so everybody answered that question, right?
Alright, good.
Bert, turn it off.
Let the games begin!
I never turn the lights on.
Oh, that one has lights on it.
All right, well, you guys pick your name tags.
We're going to go to a brief commercial break.
We'll be right back after these words.
Hey, you guys, no ads this episode,
so I'd like to take a moment to talk about Rosemont, Illinois,
adds this episode so i'd like to take a moment to talk about rosemont illinois everybody's favorite o'hare adjacent mall town featuring zany's comedy club where now for i don't know how many years in
a row i will be appearing for may the 4th and seiko domayo May 6th. Here's how it breaks down. Friday night, May 4th, I'm doing a
stand-up show at 8 o'clock. We will play a game from Doug Loves Movies. The winner of that game
is invited to come back the next day, Cinco de Mayo, for Doug Loves Movies at 420. If they can't
make that, maybe I can work them into Doug Loves Movies at 420 on May 6th.
That's May 4th, 5th, and 6th.
Spend the weekend in beautiful Rosemont, Illinois with me.
Won't you?
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
And that was a pretty fun name tag picking
ceremony.
What happened to Amy?
Okay, she's right there.
Alright.
Billy, who are you playing for?
A guy named Chad.
He didn't try that hard
and I wanted to pick him because everyone's not
that creative and we all deserve a shot.
It says Chad Boys.
It's a pretty rough Photoshop of your face on, I believe, Martin Lawrence.
Yeah, and you know not to read what's on the back of there, right?
I do now.
Yeah.
Close call.
Yeah.
And that's cool You picked that dude
Mark
I don't know what to say
Cool
Because of the person I am
I went with somebody
Who put in maximum fucking effort
Okay yes
She did
That's another good reason
Another good reason
To pick a new team
You killed it
She made a fucking decision
She committed to it
She stuck with her
Fucking game plan
And she brought it
And you know what
If Donnie fucking did that
Maybe things would be
Easier in my life
So maybe I'm trying
To help the change
That I want to see
In the fucking world
I feel like you picked it
For the Doritos mostly
That would work
If you said it to literally anyone else.
This is called The Passion of the Christa.
That's how it makes sense.
Is it Christa?
Then this doesn't fucking work.
But you know what?
You gave it your all, and that's all that fucking matters.
She put lights on it.
It has a battery.
And she wore a red shirt.
You got a red shirt on? Oh, yeah, she does.
Big puns are hard. Battery packs
way harder.
There's a whole bunch of chocolate sticks, some Doritos,
a picture of her looking super
fucking sad.
What would you call this, Doug?
This is like a
party favor.
Yeah, a little bit of fucking garland
A little bit of garland at the top
A garland
This would be a pretty good wreath at a funeral
It's a head wreath
Yeah, literally
This could also double like at her memorial service someday
But anyway, it's beautiful
Hey, you guys
Are we still talking about that?
What?
The Pockys say Pocky me on them.
That's her way of getting you to pick her.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
Have you used that before?
Oh, okay.
It's already signed on the back by you and shit.
Oh.
It means she's been to the show before, doesn't it?
That's nice.
It doesn't mean it's been picked before.
Yeah.
What do you got there, Amy? Oh, I don't know
why I went so far. I went all the way to the back and my
guy's right in front. Bow tie. He's right there.
Mr. Bow tie. Mr. Bow tie. Tipping early.
And it says
Despicable Jeremy
3. And it's got
a really old head shot of mine when
I had bangs and that's nice
and so I'm playing for Jeremy
yeah
good thing you picked him
it's a huge sign
he was for sure going to leave if no one picked him
you're the most
festively dressed in the room
and I appreciate that
next time you know what
google image results newer headshot buddy
haven't had bangs since 2013.
I thought it was Emily Gordon.
Do you mean Heller?
Either one.
Sure.
No, I meant Gordon, but yeah.
No, that's a picture of me.
Yeah.
I figured it out.
It's cute, right, Mark? It looks fucking great. Is that a picture of me. Yeah. I figured it out. It's cute, right, Mark?
It looks fucking great.
Is that a picture of yourself?
I like your old headshot.
In a cartoon form, too?
Is that you in cartoon form?
Oh, that's great.
Motherfucker went all out.
You nailed it.
I don't know why
I didn't pick you immediately.
How much did that cost
to get printed?
I don't remember.
Damn, that's how much money
he's got.
He's got bow tie money.
I don't remember. I don't remember.
I remember every fucking dollar I've ever spent.
And I need it all back real bad.
Make this into a poster at any expense.
All right.
So congratulations for being chosen, all of you that were.
Thank you to everybody else who tried.
Join me again in July.
Bring the same name tag.
I don't care.
People like Billy have no criteria.
They just pick something awful.
I had a very specific criteria.
And that was?
It needed to be bad because everyone deserves a shot is what I said.
Yeah.
Not everyone's creative.
No, Chad was really selling himself out there.
You got to.
Oh, yeah.
Chad went like this.
Was Chad talking himself up?
And then I made eye contact with him and he goes, it says Chad, boys.
See? You win, dude he goes, it says Chad, boys. See?
You win, dude.
Yeah, that's true.
If you point out what it actually says on there, that gives you a leg up on the competition
in case any of my guests are non-readers.
It was very dark when I went out there.
Whatever, man.
It was very dark when I went out there.
Whatever, man.
All right, this first game we're going to start with is a little something called Purple Rain Man.
I'm going to name the third billed people
in a movie mashup title.
I named the people in order of what the
mashup title would be
like you know I mean
Purple Rain Man would be
the first build would be
Prince and Tom Cruise
or
Dustin Hoffman was probably top build
sorry
you get the idea I hope Mark do you get it? Or Dustin Hoffman was probably top billed. Sorry.
You get the idea, I hope.
Mark, do you get it?
Fucking A, dude.
That's all that matters, because you're just going to win.
Come on, man.
All right.
Do you understand this game, Amy?
Yes, I do.
I've played it before.
All right. Well, that's, you know, I wish that all the guests would come on and understand games that they've played before.
Doesn't always work out that way.
All right.
So just, yeah, jump in with guests as often as you like.
But you got to get both titles correct.
both titles correct.
Third billing in this movie mashup title
would be
David Hyde Pierce
and
Glendon Chatman.
I can't think of any reason
why any of you would have even an
educated guess.
So to help move it
along,
I'm going to say
second billing goes to
Renee Zellweger
and Omar
Epps.
Yes, it's true, lady.
No! No! Don't do that. Yes, it's true, lady. No.
Don't do that.
What do you think of that?
Can we just chime in?
I forget that part.
What?
Just say it, yeah.
Bridget Jones's Diary of a Madman.
Ooh.
Ooh.
No.
Okay.
Nice try though, Mark.
You can still guess as often as you like.
The audience is mumbling.
First billing goes to...
I guess she'd be top.
Ewan McGregor and Sanaa Lathan.
Sanaa Lathan. Sanaa Lathan. Ewan McGregor and Sana Lathan. Sana Lathan.
Sana Lathan.
Ewan McGregor.
Ewan McGregor.
Sana Lathan.
It would help if I knew one of the movies.
Renee Zellweger and Omar Epps.
David Hyde Pierce and Glendon Chapman.
In.
Pierce and Glendon Chapman in.
Now I'm just going to start saying
words from the mashup title.
That sounds good to me. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.
And we'll see who can
get it.
Down.
With love, actually.
Down.
Down.
With.
Love.
Down with Love Jones.
Love Jones.
Down with love.
And.
Down with love and money.
Down with love and money. Down with love and...
For the listener at home, I'm the only one trying.
Down with love and sex.
Down with love and basketball.
Down with love and friendship.
Down with love and basketball is correct.
That's right.
Mark Wahlberg.
You just fucking stick with it, kids.
You just fucking stick with it. kids. You just fucking stick with it.
Wow, that was a hard one.
Fucking A, I can't repeat shit.
Great job, Mark.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right, so, yeah, I got you a note loud and clear, Amy,
on the Portland show that the questions are too hard.
So that's always a great time
to bring out a game called
Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
I said they were too hard but I still won.
That's what I'm saying.
I was really hard.
Why not make them easier and give somebody else a chance?
If this game goes bad we're just going to
have to play the funkyunky Bunch for another
40 minutes while you
dance, Mark. Gonna get to
play, you mean.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind that as a podcast.
Just let's listen to the Funky Bunch.
Do you guys have other
songs? Oh, yeah.
Can you name one? Yeah, what's
your favorite of the other
singles? Give us those B-sides.
What's that?
Wild Side.
Wild Side?
That cover that you guys made.
What's that?
Anything else?
No, most of them I just read off prompter.
All right, so this game starts with Mark,
and then we'll go to Billy and then to Amy.
And, you know, I'll just say the tagline from a movie,
and you have to tell me what movie you think it's from.
You got it, Ted.
You ready?
Yeah.
Mark Wahlberg.
What movie has the tagline,
collide with destiny?
Oh, shit.
Roll Bounce.
Roll Bounce is a terrific guess.
Oh, I got it.
Fuck.
It's not correct.
All right.
Billy,
what do you think it is?
Collide with Destiny.
Yeah.
Lost in Space.
Oh, that's kind of a fun guess.
Amy?
Deep Impact.
Oh, another really terrific guess.
Can I go again?
This is kind of odd.
No, you can't go again.
For fun, you can, Mark.
Yeah, Serendipity.
No.
Damn it.
Sliding Doors.
Okay, stop this nonsense.
This is madness.
No, the answer,
Collide with Destiny,
Titanic. That was their destiny?
That is like way too cheeky for
It's horrible
Fucking Titanic
Like, oh shit
Look out, look out lovers
Here comes destiny in your face
A lot of people don't know
Destiny was the name of the iceberg.
Well, they should have gone with I'm on top of the...
Ouch!
He didn't say ouch
when he was drowning, though,
did he?
I'm on top of the...
Glug, glug, glug.
Anyway, he could have
fit on that door totally.
So that's my Valentine's Day message to everybody.
Just let Leo up on the door.
They proved it somewhere on the internet.
Maybe he didn't want to.
No one got that one, but let's try the next one.
See how we do.
Starting with Mark again. What movie has a tagline, No one got that one, but let's try the next one. See how we do.
Starting with Mark again.
What movie has a tagline The show must go on.
One person clapping in the back
about shows continuing to go on.
Whose turn is it?
It's Mark's turn.
The Greatest Showman?
No, but that's an answer.
Which in this game is
pretty good because
it's not easy. It's all the movies.
Yeah, what are movies?
This is no time to get existential.
I did the wrong podcast.
I've been really into plays lately.
What's that movie called?
Oh, my God.
About the dogs?
The show?
Oh, Hotel for Dogs?
Best in Show? Dog Show for Dogs. Best in show.
Dog show.
Is it best in show?
No.
Shit.
I had to look at it again.
Show must go on.
I think that it is Moulin Rouge.
And you'd be correct.
Nice.
Fucking A.
One of my favorite Valentine's movies of all time.
But don't forget to put an exclamation point on it.
It's Moulin Rouge!
Yeah, just like, Mother!
Come what may.
You know, right, ladies?
Alright,
so Amy's on the board with a
point for Moulin Rouge.
Yeah, you know,
the lead actress dies,
the show must go on.
Well, whoring ain't easy,
you know.
Mark?
I didn't need
his approval for your laughter,
by the way, but I should take you
on the road. That's a good one.
You're allowed.
Fuck you guys.
Mark, what movie had the tagline
love is a force of nature?
Love is a force
of nature.
Sure.
Six days, seven nights?
Now, I know
this show has enough rules,
but if anybody mentions a movie
that has Anne Heche in it,
they're immediately eliminated.
I got two more workouts to get in tonight,
so that's fine with me.
No, please stick around.
I was only joking.
But no, incorrect.
Billy?
Is it Chad Boys?
Because that's the only movie I know.
Okay, another rule that you didn't know about.
You just walked right into it. No jokey
answers. This is a serious competition.
Okay.
But is that your real answer?
No. I'll try...
What was the quote again? Not that it's gonna...
It's like, could you use it in a sentence?
Love is a force of nature
If you're a bad boys
Love is a force of nature
What's a romantic movie?
Jerry Maguire
Isn't that kind of romantic?
Kind of
It's very romantic
I once again feel like I know the answer
After I'm out
We'll see when we get back to you Amy Very romantic. I once again feel like I know the answer after I'm out.
Oh, well, we'll see when we get back to you.
Amy?
Amy's got it.
I'm going to say... You're running away with this thing.
Volcano.
And heesh!
Did you think I said lava is the force of nature?
Yeah.
Okay, so back to you, Mark,
just to prove that you know it.
Is it forces of nature?
No.
I try not to be that obvious, usually.
No, love is a force of nature
was one of the taglines for a motion picture
called Brokeback Mountain
Oh
It's a great fucking movie
Wow
And I've watched that a bunch of times
Yeah, well, you should have noticed that Love is a Force of Nature
I wasn't focusing on the dialogue
I understand we probably don't have time, Doug, but what's your favorite rom-com?
Speaking of, it's Valentine's Day
My favorite rom-com?
Yeah
Holy shit Well, I think I even called it your favorite rom-com? Speaking of Valentine's Day. My favorite rom-com? Yeah.
Holy shit.
Well, I think I even called it the perfect rom-com,
now available on demand and whatnot.
And I mentioned Emily Gordon earlier,
our friend Kumail Nanjiani's movie, The Big Sick.
That's fucking good.
So good.
Yeah, I'd say anybody that isn't
cool enough to be
in a basement with
us in front of
a very American
eagle
should be watching
that movie tonight
it's a very
it would be a
very nice
Valentine's treat
because then
after it's over
you could turn
to each other
and go
would you
leave your parents
and your religion
for me
would you wait for me to come out of a coma?
These are really important questions for couples to ask each other.
Like on a first date.
Yeah, first date on Valentine's.
Let's watch The Big Sick.
Let's really dig in.
Let's talk.
Ask that question pre-bread being dropped at the table.
Oh, you order bread?
Fuck no, but they try to bring it.
I'm like, are you trying to kill me?
Get the fuck out of here.
My boyfriend won't watch that movie, The Big Sick.
He doesn't like to think about me getting sick.
Oh.
Isn't that gross?
What?
No, it's not gross.
It's sweet and gross.
Yeah, but what's he do to you?
Don't watch it if you care about your girlfriend potentially dying.
Otherwise, watch it.
All right.
I don't know if any of us are...
I don't know who's on board with any of that, but...
Like three people.
Yeah, there's some folks that got what was going on there.
It's sad.
But let's try another one, starting with Mark again.
What movie had the tagline,
he doesn't make sense, she doesn't make sense,
together, they make sense.
When Harry met Sally?
Oh, no.
Good guess, though, Billy.
Thanks, buddy.
I feel like you were doing a Steve Martin impression,
so I'm just going to guess the jerk.
It felt like you were doing that, but I don't know.
Were you doing an impression?
No, I mean, I guess sort of like an excited movie voice or something.
But I don't know, like a voiceover.
So I'm wrong. Huh?
Oh, you're wrong.
Amy?
I'm going to guess
Benny and June.
Whoa, that is, you know what?
That is a pretty good guess.
Thank you.
No.
Incorrect.
This was a tough one, I'm going to admit.
It's a motion picture that it gets me every time
it makes me cry
so I don't watch it
so by every time
I mean the time I thought about watching it
untamed heart
oh god
who's seen that?
I could cry thinking about it.
Yes, it is fucking rough.
Caroline.
He's got a baboon heart.
Okay, good.
It's crushing.
Yeah, that's what it was originally called,
a baboon's heart.
And they went,
let's try to soften this for people.
They call it an untamed heart
because, you know, baboon.
Baboons.
I'm so glad baboons
can't listen to this and be offended.
Not yet.
Oh, shit.
Really good movie.
Alright.
One more?
You want to do one more of these?
Yeah, dude. We're crushing it.
Everyone's loving it.
Okay, I hope...
Is anyone noticing a theme that's emerging at all?
Nope.
Okay.
Mark, they're young, they're in love,
and they kill people.
Natural born killers. They're young, they're in love, and they kill people. Natural born killers.
They're young, they're in love, and they kill people.
See, it's perfect for natural born killers.
Not the answer.
Billy?
Ooh.
What?
It describes it perfectly.
Thelma and Louise.
Yeah, see?
They were young.
They were in. They were
in love.
I think so. I think they were.
They didn't even kill people, did they?
They didn't show it in the movie, but I know
that they did. Not on purpose.
Yeah, not on purpose.
Not on purpose.
Alright.
They were pretty old, though.
Alright. Did everybody get to guess? No, I didn't guess yet. They were pretty old though Alright
Did everybody get to guess?
No I didn't guess yet
Okay Amy
But I don't feel like this is right
Because it doesn't fit the theme
Oh god
Because I was going to say Badlands
Or California with a K
But neither of those are right.
They're young, they're in love,
and they kill people.
Okay.
Are you going to guess?
I'd like to try.
Can I try?
Yeah, dude, go for it, Doug.
I'd like to guess.
Do it.
May I?
Fucking guess.
Dude, it's your show.
That's for Bonnie and Clyde.
Oh, good fucking guess.
But no, you're wrong.
Fuck.
That wasn't it.
No, it's right.
No, Twilight.
That was Twilight.
We picked all the other murder couples.
That's the closest I've been, man.
Miss the original.
Yeah, you were close.
That was the closest I'll ever get.
Yeah, it's all romances destroyed by death
was the theme.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, at least Bonnie and Cloud went out together, at least.
Everybody else left somebody behind and sad
I should have put Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kidd in here
And they died together at the end
I assume
It's a hail of gunfire and a freeze frame
So you never know
They could meet Tony Soprano in the diner
Spoiler alert
If I was in that movie, you would know.
Well, yeah, you don't
die much in movies.
It was a freeze frame at the end of Thelma and Louise
too, right? It just pauses.
Yeah, you don't know what happens when they get to the bottom
of Grand Canyon. They might do a
nice, nifty tuck and roll.
A fucking tuck and roll that shit.
One of them had a parachute for sure.
Yeah, they have a parachute car.
Yep, they fucking tuck and roll that shit.
One of them had a parachute for sure.
Yeah, they have a parachute car.
And they eat each other out.
Before or on the way down?
Whenever. Whenever they feel like it, man.
Raise your hand if you're confident in knowing which actress played Thelma and which one played Louise.
Not confident, no.
Only Mark.
Yeah, it's tough.
I think Thelma was Susan Sarandon and Louise was Geena Davis.
Oh, I thought the opposite.
I don't know if I'm right.
Mark?
I believe that Geena Davis is Thelma and Susan Sarandon is Louise.
Okay. Also, just so you know,
for the record, ever, for as long as we know each other,
if you ask a question that involves
whether or not I'm confident, the answer is yes.
Subject
does not matter.
Well, Amy won that last game
Way to go Amy
Somehow
We don't know how
So Amy you get to go first
In this next game
Where going first
Isn't necessarily an advantage
Oh good
So congratulations on that
And
It's a little game that we call, at least now we call it, the Bennington Tom Brady game.
Oh, no.
Yeah, ask me why Tom Brady's name got in there.
Why did Tom Brady's name get in there?
Because it's perfect.
No, I thought you might have an opinion on that, Mark. name got in there. Why did Tom Brady's name get in there? Because it's perfect. No.
I thought you might have an opinion on that, Mark,
but no. His name is
in there because when you play this game, you
have to adjust for inflation.
You motherfucker.
You fucking do that to me like that?
You lost, man.
I thought
of this before the last show and saved
it for this one.
Son of a bitch. Just to say it
in front of you. And Ron Bennington
would also love that joke. Yeah.
It's the Bennington-Tom Brady game
from now on. Or until I
change my mind.
But basically, we'll start
with Amy and then
flip the order around.
So it'll go Mark and then Billy.
And I'll just ask.
I'll name an actor or actress.
You have to name a movie you think is in their top three of all time after adjusting for inflation, according to boxofficemojo.com.
Okay. for inflation according to box office mojo.com okay and
you get three points for a number one
and two for two and
one for three
burp
a little burp
who's going first Amy
yeah
I do need to grow up Who do I say is going first, Amy? Yeah. Yeah.
I do need to grow up.
All right.
Amy.
Yes.
What's in the top three?
Hopefully number one, you want to shoot for the top.
Films of Mr. Patrick Swayze.
Oh. Okay.ze. Oh.
Okay.
P.S.
I love him.
I'm going to go with Point Break, Doug.
You're going Point Break.
Jeremy feels good about it.
Bowtie is nodding.
She says Point Break there, Mark.
What do you think it is?
Thank you, Amy.
It's fucking Ghost, dude.
Ditto.
Ditto all day.
Sounds like maybe that's a role you might covet a little bit.
You would like to have played that part.
Ghost?
Yeah. Yeah, I think I could have played that part? Ghost? Yeah.
Yeah, I think I could have played Demi's role. No problem.
Alright, Billy?
Does box office mean when it was released in the theaters
or just a total gross?
It means everything it's made.
Ever. Theatrically.
Everywhere.
No, not worldwide, just domestic.
Not worldwide, just domestic.
Just domestic?
Yeah.
I guess I could just...
I'll guess Roadhouse.
But I was thinking maybe...
You were thinking Black Dog?
You were thinking Black Dog.
Donnie Darko.
Stop saying movies.
Oh, I thought it was one, two, three.
I thought it was three guesses. That's it.
Yeah, we're done with guesses.
Okay, sorry, Billy. Everybody's locked in.
But what was the first one you said?
Roadhouse. I said Roadhouse.
Okay, that's your committed to Roadhouse.
Yes, sir. All right. We left a big one on the
table. All right. Well,
Patrick Swayze's top three are
coming in at number
four.
Black Dog.
Just for, just so you know.
Point Break.
Thank you.
Yeah, just
missed. Coming in at
number three, oddly enough, Red
Dawn. Oh, fuck yeah.
Yeah, the original Red
Dawn. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, the original Red Dawn.
Number two,
Dirty Dancing.
It's a great movie about abortion.
Everyone,
everyone biting their tongues
because they all knew Dirty Dancing.
I think it's a great movie
about how you should respect your waitstaff.
Give them a hand.
It's fun to get.
I just wanted them to applaud.
I think it's important for
child safety because of
baby in corners.
They'll suffocate.
Yeah, things can happen to a baby
in a corner, so don't put baby there.
Even if it's boss baby.
Treat boss baby as you would any baby.
But he is the boss.
Okay, so did anybody get any points for that?
Oh, Mr. Fancy got three points, yeah.
Who did? Who's Mr. Fancy got three points. Yeah. Who did?
Who's Mr. Fancy?
Obviously, Billy is Mr. Fancy.
Number one, Patrick Swayze movie is Ghost.
Okay, dude.
Murderer, murderer, murderer.
How did I live dirty dancing on the table man
yeah
I know
I'm ashamed
that's a tough one
but what are you gonna do
didn't know what
funky bunch was
don't know what
dirt
that was a softball
right to me
and I missed it
I never danced
alright Mark gets to go
first on this next one
then we're off to
Billy and Amy
and
Mark
yes doc the films of Shailene Woodley Billy and Amy. And Mark. Yes, Doc.
The films of Shailene Woodley.
Come on.
Yeah.
Exact title, of course, as always.
So that's tricky in the films of Shailene Woodley.
Is that the girl from Big Little Lies?
It sure is.
God damn, that's a good fucking show.
Yeah. Season two on the way. What Little Lies? It sure is. God damn, that's a good fucking show. Yeah.
Season two on the way.
What, more lies?
Yep.
With Meryl Streep.
Big and little.
Wow.
Yeah, Meryl Streep's coming to town.
Cher, I think.
Really?
No.
Cher's coming to town with Meryl Streep and Mamma Mia.
The Mamma Mia trailer,
Cher walks in at the end and goes,
I'm a hundred.
I love Twitter.
Shailene fucking Woodley.
She tweets a lot.
What's happening?
Whose turn is it?
What's going on?
It's mine.
Do we get points
if one of us knows a movie that Shailene
Woodley is in?
Well, I mean, you know, if you've heard
of it, maybe it's in her top three.
I know a movie she was
in. I know who stars
in that fucking movie with her. I know I
turned this movie down.
Holy shit.
Which part would you have played?
The one Kate Winslet's role
Oh I know what you're talking about now
Yeah
Fuck
That's alright
You're way out in the lead with three points
What'd you do Shaywood?
What'd you fucking do?
Are you summoning the spirit of a living person?
Yeah, I'm just going to fucking say this name wrong, but...
Damn it all.
You'll tell me what I was thinking of when I'm done, right?
Probably.
Okay.
Fuck it.
Deception?
It's close, though, right?
Yeah, I know.
Even when I'm wrong, I'm fucking right.
All right, Billy.
If I think of it before you say it.
I got to go with Dirty Dancing, Doug.
She could
have been in the reboot.
It's a possibility.
Amy? Default? I mean, I have
nothing either. You might as well just stick with Mark.
Default?
I'm so close, right?
No. Is it Defiance?
No, stop asking.
Stop asking the audience. No, I was asking you.
I'm not gonna tell you yet. I know, but you think I would talk to normal people audience. No, I was asking you. Because they will tell you.
I'm not going to tell you yet.
I know, but you think I would talk to normal people?
I mean, I'll tell you.
Well, normal people don't wear bow ties like that, dude.
Coming in.
Sorry, Jeremy.
Defcon.
Number three.
Number three is The Fault in Our Stars.
No shit.
She is in that fucking movie?
Yeah.
I thought of that one too.
Number two
from the Divergent series.
There it is.
Insurgent.
And then number one
Divergent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I finally figured out who the actress is.
Did you do The Fault in Our Stars because of Love and Death?
You know, Amy, when a theme presents itself...
Fuck.
Okay.
You are there to greet it.
Okay, here I am.
I'm showing up now.
Okay.
I just showed up.
Here we go.
Please be easy.
Who goes first this time?
Billy? Billy goes first this time.
You got this, B.
Okay, hit me.
Oh, not Mark.
Show me your abs though.
What's that?
Okay.
The films of Tobey Maguire.
Spider-Man.
Good job.
That's your final answer, Spider-Man?
Yes, sir.
All right, Amy?
I'm going to say
Cider House Rules.
He likes it.
I always like to think that that movie is called that because it's such an awesome Cider House.
Yeah, they should have put an exclamation point on the end of that.
He'd be like, Cider House Rules.
Good.
They got apple ciders, pear ciders.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a good gluten-free joint.
Lager house blows.
Roadhouse rules.
Now we're just saying stuff.
Yep.
Nah, it worked.
I got up to seven laughs. Now we're just saying stuff Nah it worked What's your pick for Tobey Maguire Mark?
Spider-Man 2
Okay he's going Spider-Man 2
That's a good pull
I should have started there
So coming in at number 5
The Great Gatsby
I thought it was mine
Yeah no that
Ties into the death romance
And death theme
Number three for Toby
Spider-Man 3
Yeah
His number one
Were three points
For Billy
Spider-Man
It had to be easy.
But at number two, for two points, bringing his grand total to five points,
it's Spider-Man 2.
Mark Wahlberg is our winner.
What's up, Krista?
I got you, girl.
You fucking put the work in, and you get rewarded.
I got you, girl.
You fucking put the work in, and you get rewarded.
I actually said Spider House rules.
That was the fourth one.
That'd be dope, too.
Full title.
They could still use that, you know?
I think you got a little bit of money coming to you for that one.
It's there for the taking, man.
I think it's going to be taken.
You guys want to play one more round just for funsies?
Yeah, sure.
As long as you give me an easy one again.
But Mark is definitely the winner.
Where's the person you were playing for, Mark?
She's right over here looking like a fucking winner.
Sorry, Chad. Sorry, Bowt She's right over here, looking like a fucking winner. Sorry, Chad.
Sorry, Bowtie.
You're welcome, Krista.
There's like three bags of stuff here for you if you want, you know, whenever it's convenient
for you to come get it.
Yeah, you put on those single and ready to flamingo
socks tonight
so people know what's up.
You could throw those donuts at people on the way up the stairs.
In a really cool jacket.
We just wanted to remind her.
That felt rehearsed.
Holy shit.
What's in the bag? We'll recap it now.
Let's take a look
one more time at what those prizes are.
What did she win? A candy that looks
like pizza.
Remember to put it in the oven.
A bong that looks like candy!
And don't worry, TSA
seems to not give a fuck.
Yeah, I get through that metal detector and it doesn't go off.
I'm like, TSE.
Yay.
All right, so Amy, start us off.
Okay.
This is just for funsies, though, right?
This is fun.
That doesn't change anything.
For the love of the game.
All the prizes are going to the lady who can't get to the prizes right now.
It's this
crowded club. Crowded
underground club.
The films
of Jake Gyllenhaal.
What guy
yells out Prince of Persia?
Shut up.
Dude, are you fucking filming me right now?
No.
Nope.
Turn it off.
I talked to your agent, dude.
Turn that fucking shit off, dude.
I'll pay the money.
How much?
Oh, you do?
Oh, you got the fucking money?
Yeah.
Okay, I don't know if you know,
but I usually take about a million and a half,
and that's for a fucking reshoot, dude.
All right, turning it off.
Turning it off.
It's off. It's erased.
No, don't erase it, dude.
Don't erase it.
Alright, so Jake Gyllenhaal.
Did you do this because I constantly
confuse Tobey Maguire and Jake
Jalen Hall?
Night crawler.
Okay.
Got one guy clapping for you.
Thank you. I think he's just rooting for you in general.
That is Jake Jalen Hall though, right?
Oh yes, he is in that.
He is. Crawling all over the night. I think he's just rooting for you in general. That is Jake Gyllenhaal though, right? Oh yes, he is in that. Fuck yeah.
He is.
Crawling all over the night. The night crawler.
Mark.
JG.
I would go with
October Sky.
Okay, interesting.
Billy!
I just like that there's a chance to say Donnie Darko again, but...
Do you like the guy at Price is Right
just got up and said 420 every time
and didn't advance
but boy did he have a good laugh
for himself and his buddies
I'm just trying to think of a blockbuster
but I can only think of
let's just say Brokeback Mountain
That's a big movie right?
I mean I made it at least like $30,000.
Love is a force of nature.
Well, Jake's a tough one
because his number one is that disaster film
Day After Tomorrow.
Where they run from colds.
Where they run from fucking cold.
Yeah, well, you know, hey, the cold's coming.
Let's go over where it's not.
And then,
number two,
he was a young,
he was a child
in the motion picture
City Slickers.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah, some call it a cameo
or it doesn't count
because we didn't know him yet,
but that's his number two.
And then then number three
after adjusting for inflation,
Baroque Back Mountain.
Way to go, dude.
Double winner.
Yeah.
I feel like I should give Chad something.
Chad, you want the rest of this Bud Light, dude?
We're winners together, friend.
Chad Boys for life.
Chad Boys sounds like the worst political organization.
I'll just tell you, I'm really fucking worried about these Chad Boys.
Could you pass the Chad boys poster down to me?
Like, would you be surprised if in the next...
And I will read what's on the back as a consolation prize.
If in the next Purge there's a group of people called the Chad boys.
Well, since you said Chad boys is a political organization,
this ought to make sense.
Um,
what?
I thought you were about to read the back.
No, we're going to do plugs. Who's got plugs?
Okay, seriously. I'll go.
Season 9 of Wahlburgers premieres April 3rd.
So fucking check that out.
Bicentennial Man will be out later on this year.
And if anybody here is from the Academy,
it's not too late.
All the money in the world, best supporting actor, Mark Wahlberg.
Trying to do a writing.
It's definitely too late.
It's never too fucking late, dude.
Last year, they fucking changed the winner during the show.
That was just a mix-up.
Was it a fucking mix-up, too?
It was predetermined.
Was it predetermined?
So who fucking knows?
So now, no matter what category it is,
you're going to be hoping they're just going to open it up
and say your movie.
Yeah, why wouldn't they?
Because it could just happen in any...
It could happen in any fucking movie.
You don't even have to be nominated anymore. You don't even have to be nominated
anymore. You don't even have to be fucking nominated.
I love it. Good luck.
I got a plug.
Yes, Amy Miller.
If you're in the Los Angeles area,
Monday, February 19th at the Hollywood Improv
will be my monthly show, Two Doors Down.
Also, listen to my podcast
Who's Your God?
Also, oh, thank you.
My God's Mark Wahlberg.
Oh, God. Don't say that to him.
Got dates coming up
in Austin,
Seattle,
all kinds of places. Go to amymillercomedy.com
and that's it.
Thank you.
Can I leave now?
Oh, and Amy's got merchandise to sell you guys tonight.
I'm going to be selling my record, Solid Gold, and also CDs at the front.
Or you can just say hi, whatever.
But prefer if you buy.
Thank you.
Do the old hi.
Happy Valentine's Day. Do the old hi and bye with Amy on your way out. Thank you. Do the old hi. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do the old hi and bye with Amy on your way out.
Thank you, Amy Miller.
Billy, did I skip you on the plugs thing?
Yeah, what are your plugs, dude?
I'll be at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on February 25th.
Please come to that.
If this doesn't come out and you don't hear about that,
just follow me on Twitter.
I need the help.
At Billy Bonnell.
B-O-N-N-E-L-L.
I don't have anything to sell,
but you can Venmo me whatever you want.
Thank you so much.
Billy Bonnell, everybody.
One more time, just hanging out, chilling out here with me. Always the last to fucking be there, everybody. One more time.
Just hanging out,
chilling out here with me.
Always the last
to fucking be there, dude.
The fucking lone survivor.
Hey, do you want to help
get the prizes
to the person
you were playing for?
Yeah, that's cool.
I'll do it, girl.
I got you.
Yeah, do that.
Yeah, right now.
You haven't said my name yet.
Mark Wahlberg everybody
there we go dude
that was so much fun thank you American Comedy Company Yay!
That was so much fun.
Thank you, American Comedy Company.
Thank you all of you guys for coming out.
Like I said, we'll do one,
we'll do a show first night at Comic-Con
on Wednesday, July, whatever that is.
And we'll call it an 18.
All right.
I got to be sure that it's at least 18.
Stupid.
You guys are awesome.
Thank you for coming in, as always.
Thank you. Oh, yeah. Thank you for coming in, as always. Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
Wait, this one confuses me,
so I'm going to say it first.
The guy who asked me out for Valentine's Day
but didn't plan anything
is a shithead.
but didn't plan anything is a shithead.
But how did you end up here if there were no plans?
This was the better option.
This was the, oh, it's you.
It's fucking bow tie.
Well, great job coming here instead.
I appreciate it.
And cue the music.
Everyone enabling
Trump is a shit head.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another
talkie. Eyes of gold, his
viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart
for you, cause Doug
loves movies!