Doug Loves Movies - Andy Kindler, Dana Gould, and Wayne Federman Guest
Episode Date: January 6, 2011Doug welcomes three of his comedian friends featured in the documentary "I Am Comic": Andy Kindler, Dana Gould, and Wayne Federman. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Califo...rnia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop-up kernels in his teeth
They're still not warm, then he won't sleep
Because Doug loves movies
Hey everybody Hey Hey, everybody.
They're all kind of...
Can you give me a little more heat on this?
I should have been here for sound check.
Hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies,
coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles
before the weekly show
Comedy Death Ray. It's
January.
I just, when I got to that, I thought
that was going to come out weird to be like, before
the weekly Comedy Death Ray,
I thought it would sound like I'm saying it, that
the show is feeble
and
can't fight
for the weekly Comedy Death Ray.
It's January 4, 2011, the year after Lithgow,
and I've been getting a lot of tweets asking
if the Benson interruption will return to Comedy Central,
and the answer is, I don't know.
But in the meantime, you can see the Benson interruption
live at Largo in Los Angeles
on Monday, January 10th at 9 o'clock
or at the Eureka Theater
in San Francisco as part of
SF Sketch Fest on January
28th at 10.30pm and January
30th at 4.20pm
and I'll probably
be interrupting the other comics at my shows.
I've been doing that lately just because now that people
have seen me do it on television
and they're not as annoyed by it.
I mean,
I just assume.
I'll be interrupting the other comics at my shows
at Rosita's in Barstow, California.
The last episode, I said the wrong date.
It's January 15th.
Oops, sorry Barstow.
And I'll be, rearrange your
plans, Barstow. And that'll be rearrange your plans, Barstow.
That's in California, by the way.
I don't know if there's Barstows in other states
that just freaked out.
Comedy Zone in Jacksonville, Florida
January 18th.
Common Grounds in Gainesville
January 19th.
Really?
And the Back Booth in Orlando
January 20th.
Yeah, Orlando, they have theme parks.
Before I bring out tonight's guests,
I'd like to mention that Patton Oswalt's book,
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, is in stores now.
Buy it.
Yeah.
In it, Patton writes, I think it's in the thank yous or the forward or. Buy it. Yeah. In it, Patton writes,
I think it's in the thank yous
or the foreword
or somewhere in it.
I haven't read the whole thing yet,
but it's good.
I'm not a reader.
But I am a quoter.
And what he wrote
at one point was,
I hang out with comedians,
the best version of life you can live.
Yeah, I thought that was nice. And my guests tonight are three comedians I've had the pleasure to hang out with comedians, the best version of life you can live. Yeah, I thought that was nice.
And my guests tonight are three comedians I've had the pleasure to hang out with on many occasions.
And I enjoy talking to them always.
Please welcome Wayne Fetterman, Andy Kindler, and Dana Gould.
Yeah, all three of them.
Door or curtain, either way, it's fine.
Wow.
This is like a wrestling match or something.
You guys should have had separate walk-in music.
It's nothing more fun for the podcast listener
than the guests just wandering around in the crowd, shaking hands and saying hello.
That's why I don't watch Leno anymore, because I fall asleep before he's done shaking hands with the crowd.
That's not, he's retired. Stop making jokes.
Oh, okay.
Why is Dick Benson making fun of me on his podcast?
Name his sidekick. Name his sidekick. Quick. Who's his current sidekick?
Black musician.
He has a sidekick?
Exactly.
Oh, okay.
Does Stuttering John work on that show?
No, I think he's done.
He's finished.
Yeah.
I don't even think they give the announcer that amazing platform that they gave that guy.
John Hall?
Just introduce everybody and say, and I'm so-and-so,
and then have nothing else to do. We came here
to talk about movies.
You come for Iron Jay,
you stay for
jaywalking. Is that one of the promos?
Whoever's on,
I feel like I'm watching Rascal Flats.
I'm not sure what that means, but I like that.
Even during the sit down interviews
Yeah just always
There's always a rascal flat
Somebody has a bedazzler
Well like I said
We're here to talk about movies
Right
The three of you are in a movie
That's currently available
On DVD
Is it on Blu-ray also?
It's called Inception
I'm not in it.
Check it out.
There's many levels to it.
You think you're asleep, but you're not, really.
But you are.
Wait a second.
So are you one of the Inception deniers like me?
What does that mean?
That you didn't care for it that much?
Didn't care for it?
It's horrible.
Oh, okay.
That's awesome.
Didn't care for it?
That's enough.
That's enough.
We don't need to push people all that hard.
Are you telling me you didn't enjoy
Leonardo DiCaprio's
leaden, lifeless, humorless performance?
I'm in a serious movie,
so everything I say will be serious.
He's exactly right. I didn't see it again.
Once again, I score.
You didn't see that movie.
As long as you didn't see it, you're not taking any risks of offending anyone. That exactly right. I didn't see it again. Once again, I score. You didn't see that movie. Yeah, as long as you didn't see it,
you're not taking any risks of offending anyone.
That's right.
I don't know.
Sounds like some people enjoy it and some don't.
That's America.
Oh, Jay.
Dana, did you see Shutter Island?
I did see Shutter Island.
And how's he in that?
Well, that was a double ghastly because that's also...
When a guy that doesn't make horror movies tries to make a horror movie,
they try to do it better and they do it wrong.
You know, it would be like...
Like it seems more like a crazy movie than a horror movie.
Yeah, they just do everything.
Yeah, it's just everything is crazy in it.
Yeah, at the time I said I'm not going to go
because I think it's just two hours of people throwing rats at Leonardo DiCaprio.
And that bad, like, remember when, and everything, every camera thing is,
like, remember Natural Born Killers where you just wanted to go,
stop directing!
Just let me see the movie for a minute.
Everything is a different film stock.
Or, no, I'm like even...
I'm the director of this.
Don't forget.
Even anything Michael Bay does.
It's like, hey, were you looking at that for more than a second?
What the fuck were you looking at?
Yeah, what are you looking at?
I've got a million things I want to show you now.
Don't stop and read the Bible during my movie.
I got one, Doug.
Okay.
Plantation Shutter Island. Am I right?
Plantation Shutter Island
is actually a small installation
at Ikea.
Hey, I don't know if you know this.
I grew up in Plantation, Florida.
That's where I'm from. And most of your friends?
Retired. Exactly.
That's an old joke. And most of your friends Retired Exactly It's an old joke
You guys
Have a Jew off
On your own time
No right
That's new French
Dana Gould is not Jewish
I always find that
Fascinating
I can't believe
That he's not Jewish
I know
I just can't believe it
You said
Could you guys
Just recruit him tonight
Or something
No he's so
Put him through
The hazing ritual
Why won't I sign up
With you guys
Is that the Oh that's Jesus Is that the post modern Who are these people Put him through the hazing ritual? Why won't I sign up with you guys?
Is that the post-modern who are these people?
Good podcast humor.
That was me doing the crucifixion.
That was for the listeners, the crucifixion pose.
The Jews are very tough on Jews
that go outside the lines.
That's true.
I don't color outside the lines.
But I feel as a comedian,
I'm sort of an honorary. And I'm Irish. outside the line. But I feel as a comedian, I'm sort of an honorary.
Right, you're not.
And I'm Irish, so it's like, it's just, I'm Catholic, so it's shame guilt.
Yeah, yeah.
Can you preface everything you say from now on as a comedian?
Because I plan to.
As a comedian.
Well, it's also the other version of like when you're on the road with a guy that's
been on the road two times.
Hi, we're the comedians.
We'd like to see the matinee.
Oh, we're the comedians. We'd like to see the matinee. Oh, we're the comedians.
Oh my God.
One time I was with
Arch Barker in Illinois
somewhere in Chicago.
It's a good movie story.
It's a good movie story.
No, it is.
We went to see
the first Jackass.
Oh yeah.
Matinee.
Matinee ticket
at this place
was like Vernon Hills,
Illinois.
Matinee ticket was $3.75
and he talked his way in.
And
this is how he talks his way
in and he does this everywhere he goes.
He goes, he always
says, hi, I'm Arch Barker. I'm a guest
of the city.
I have to remember that.
And usually
the 14-year-old taking tickets at the door
or the guy in the wheelchair at the door, whoever it is,
on the road they hire a lot of wheelchair people to take tickets.
It is true.
They can get you fast because a lot of those aisles are slanted down.
So if you cause trouble, they just take off.
No, no, no.
They're way out in that gigantic lobby that every theater has for no reason now.
It's the hugest lobby you've ever seen.
It's like Lenny Riefenstahl.
And the movie's on 14 of those 18 screens, so you don't really have lines.
But the point is that he would baffle that person with that line of thinking, with that logic.
They'd go, what?
I'm a guest of the city.
Oh, okay.
It would always work just because they'd be so confused by it.
I use the SAG Awards all year long.
The SAG Awards.
You say you're a SAG Award.
Yeah, I'm on the SAG nominating committee.
I'm supposed to get in to see the movies.
And that gets you into Paranormal Activity 2?
I'm supposed to get in to see the movies.
And that gets you into Paranormal Activity 2?
Who in Yogi Bear is nominated at the SAG Awards?
Am I the only person here that has seen Yogi Bear? I am not.
But I saw the phenomenal promotional thing they did on the whip.
Oh, well, that was, yeah.
So you think that somebody from Yogi Bear made that?
No.
How could anyone from Warner Brothers be involved with something that looks exactly like it?
But everything's really slow and kind of cheesy.
I have to assume.
You guys have seen it, right?
When Yogi Bear gets shot by Boo Boo and it's like the assassination of the coward by Jesse James Ford.
Yeah, but...
Benjamin Bybel.
Is there anyone that thinks it's...
And other movies I haven't seen
A promo based
That I haven't seen
When do you ever
Go to the movies?
The movie itself
When the movies come to me
That's when I go to them
I don't feel I'm exaggerating
Andy Daly's excellent performance
Notwithstanding
In the movie
Notwithstanding
I like DJ Miller
I like that guy from Ed
Is in it
But the story
Of the movie
I don't feel I'm exaggerating when I say
it's worse than a million 9-11s.
Oh.
Oh.
You're not exaggerating.
You're not exaggerating.
And I saw it.
I'd say a thousand tops.
We were getting ready for the Christian holiday
of Christmas.
And my wife and I just got in some ripping argument about,
I don't even know, it was something,
fucking, fucking, you fucking say fucking ribbons.
Fuck you, fuck, fuck, fuck.
She loves Hannah, you can't stand Barbera.
Come on, isn't that what it was?
But it was just some horrifying, horrible argument.
And it was just like, I don't know.
I didn't buy wrapping paper.
I'm getting an apartment.
And I took the, come on.
And I took my two oldest daughters to Yogi Bear just to get the fuck out of the house.
And I was the only person.
I was the only person.
If they were watching the audience, like when they do that at testing,
it's in the middle of Yogi Bear
that some guy's just like,
fuck does she think she is?
Fuck does she fucking think she fucking is?
Fucking asshole.
Fuck her.
Just the whole way through.
I didn't,
I just ruined my enjoyment of the movie.
You can't blame the movie on that then.
That's true.
No,
that's true.
It must have been good.
But the movie,
the movie made it worse because
now I have the time lost in the
argument and the time lost at Yogi Bear.
You don't get to the end of your
life and go like,
I saw Yogi Bear. I get another
80 minutes. I love T.J.
Miller though. I love T.J.
Miller.
I sat through Cloverfield the other day
on TV in my hotel room because I like TJ Miller
so much
it was fun
to listen to him
narrate the whole thing
they don't know
what Cloverfield is
you can't take your kids
to Cloverfield
although only one of you
has kids
but I still think
of Wayne and Andy
as people
they seem like
they have kids
I play a dad on commercials.
Bobby, Bobby, don't go near the edge.
Is that good?
I'm on commercials.
What product was that?
What product was that?
Something that rescues your kids from the rest.
It was actually...
It was for Edge, the shaving cream.
Don't go near the edge.
Don't go near my edge.
All right, okay.
It's so incredibly potent.
Because it starts as a gel.
Yeah.
Next thing you know, there's a razor.
It's very violent.
It's a good spot.
The first blade teases the whisker.
The second blade shames the whisker.
The third blade rapes and humiliates the whisker. The second blade shames the whisker. The third blade rapes and
humiliates the whisker.
The fourth blade tells the whisker's friends
it wanted it.
Allowing the sixth blade to further
shame the whisker.
Just cut the whisker.
One of those commercials goes,
are you tired of the pull and tug?
No, I am not.
Not at all. That's all I have
I like one more than the other
You do
Hey
Yeah
I like a tug
Pull gets a little arduous
I'm sure
But just tug it
I was actually thinking on the way down
I was like, you know
They say God is always with you
I'm sure he takes breaks
I'm sure when he sees me like
Get online to look at some porn
He's like, well, I'm good for an hour
I'm gonna
I'm gonna go make a tuna sandwich I to look at some porn, he's like, well, I'm good for an hour. I'm going to go make
a tuna sandwich.
I love whenever
God's conversational.
Hey, listen.
And the doorknob's saying,
don't turn me.
And the doorknob's thinking,
I have a movie question
for you guys.
Oh, please.
When did Jeff Bridges...
This is not the time
nor the place.
When did Jeff Bridges
become every age
all at once?
Yeah, no, off camera, yes.
But why is it so?
He plays every age in the movies right now.
And he talks like this in interviews.
I know.
It was quite a movie there.
He's from LA.
He went to Hollywood High School.
I gotta tell you though,
that was quite a road of furbies.
Come on, you guys know.
Wait, we're supposed to, that wasn't rhetorical?
It happened last October 17th.
I'll jot that down.
You really wanted an answer to that?
No, I just think.
He has that.
Explaining why Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow are British now or whatever.
You know, like it's just, those things happen.
He also has that sort of denture slippage, but I'm not sure he has dentures,
but he has that sort of sloppy that Sean Connery had.
Listen now.
Sham.
Sham.
Here's the other thing.
The things that drive me crazy are the stories people tell
when they get ready for the movie roles.
Is that your beef?
That's my beef currently.
Oh, the Paltrow's fingers.
Her fingers were bleeding when she had to play guitar.
Oh, she had to learn to play guitar.
It was terrible.
That's superhuman.
That's so special.
Her husband wouldn't help.
Come on, he's in Coldplay.
Yeah, I love that.
Did we read that same piece of shit article
or see the same entertainment?
Because she says, I go to my husband
and ask him to help me with my singing and my guitar,
and he's like, nah, that's's not I don't want to get involved
Coldplay
Coldplay's that amazing
that he can't help his gifted wife
yeah like that takes a lot of focus
the mother of his fucking apple children
famous people are the worst
it's almost like they sit around discussing now when we go let's do some interviews Famous people are the worst.
It's almost like they sit around discussing.
Now, when we go, let's do some interviews and say that you didn't even help me
to become the great country singer that I am.
Country Strong.
Doesn't that sound like it's a movie
about somebody who smells bad?
Or a kind of ham.
That is Country Strong.
Please open the window.
Crack it, country.
Crack it, country style.
First whiff out of the hamper
when you open the lid.
Country strong.
Christ.
Do you have one, Andy?
Oh.
This country seems weak.
I don't know.
Whatever you think. Just take something and what i'm saying and
mash it up but uh but you know what celebrities will talk about uh and i know this uh because
i'm married and i've had to watch oprah you never see regular people sit around going
i just realized i wasn't living in my truth right
maybe it's time you stop doing the first part of that sentence I just realized I wasn't living in my truth. Right.
Maybe it's time you stopped doing the first part of that sentence.
You want them to die?
Yes.
I do.
You want them to die?
A lot of people here.
We can do without Portia de Rossi.
Fine.
Oh.
Wow.
The 9-11 thing. She was the person that was on the TV
talking about
not living in her truth.
And I couldn't help thinking
that somewhere
within a 10-mile square radius
of where she was complaining
about living in her truth,
there was some 80-year-old guy
in a nursing home
having a fucking orgasm
because he found an apple.
You know?
You know, it's like,
let's kind of balance things
out a little bit.
Man, I hope it goes down
like that when I'm older.
There's apples everywhere.
It goes down like that?
Is that what you're going to be saying when you're older?
Goes down like that?
How's it going to go down?
I hope shit goes down that way.
Uh-oh.
We're not old and gray.
You know how old people,
you know how excited old people get
when they see apples?
What?
They don't
because they can't chew them
because they have bad,
they have no teeth.
And then they come
and there's the fruit.
No, that's when they find it.
When they eat it,
they just eat it.
That's just normal.
If they can't,
if they can barely walk,
why are they wearing
running shoes all the time?
You make a good point.
Segway into a
anecdote about Cocoon
now.
I was going to tell you
that Jeff Bridges does voiceovers
for a car company
and he doesn't follow
Jeff Bridges' country strong.
He's not in
country strong. He's in crazy art.
He's in everything right now.
Is he in country strong? I love him in Country Strong. He is in Country Strong. He's in everything right now. Is he in Country Strong?
I love him in Tangled.
He's great in The King's Speech.
Okay, all three of you are in a movie.
That's why the first time has taken me this long
to get to the theme of a show.
You are all three in a documentary that I saw recently
that I actually quite enjoyed called I Am Comic.
And one guy.
One guy.
Yeah.
It's a very entertaining
documentary. I play a young, untested
district attorney.
It's a documentary about
stand-up comedy. What?
And yeah.
They didn't tell you that when they were filming you?
They filmed you on the set of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
Right.
Where you were writing at that time, but now you have since moved on.
Yeah, I'm still opening for Jimmy.
They don't have a thing at the end of the movie.
I know, I know.
American Graffiti.
Carrie Topp has continued to work at the...
Yeah.
Got more props.
Nobody's sure where Tommy Davidson went.
I'm just like,
Tommy Davidson is still talking.
Yeah, he's crazy good in it.
More crazy than good.
You know what I mean?
He's crazy good, but those are two separate thoughts.
Yes.
He's both of those things.
Gallagher, too, dropped his lawsuit
against Gallagher, too, dropped his lawsuit against Gallagher.
So, Dana, you're the very first person to speak in the movie.
Indeed.
Doing some of your stand-up.
Is that Hermosa Beach Comedy and Magic Club?
No, that's at the little theater adjacent to the improv.
Right.
Really?
Yeah.
Jordan Brady can paint with light.
He just makes you think you're anywhere.
Because that red curtain looks really, it's quite gorgeous.
I just thought you were somewhere nice.
Well, he was trying to show you that you could do, well, that's funny you noticed that.
He was just trying to prove that it's not difficult to make a good comedy club environment.
Right, and he had Todd Glass come in, but that happens like in the middle of the movie,
and we never see the result.
We never see like, and now here there are people doing comedy in this beautiful new space we invented,
except for the clip of you in the beginning.
No, no, no.
At the end.
At the very end you see it?
Yeah, the whole.
I thought you said you never saw it.
No, that's Inception.
Oh, I'm thinking, I'm sorry.
I was sure it was another level.
Now, I'm also the guy that was in Drag Me to Hell.
You were?
Yeah.
That movie was freaky.
Was that Meat Loaf's segment? No, the same guy that's in Drag Me to Hell is also were? Yeah. That movie was freaky. Was that Meat Loaf's segment?
No, the same guy
that's in Drag Me to Hell is also in Inception.
The Indian guy. That's what I was saying. The Indian guy.
In this day and age. But I have a great
Indian guy. Really?
Really, Daniel? Did you say in this day and age?
In this day and age.
Yeah, I'm the new Norm Crosby.
Exactly what I'm doing now.
Very astutiating experience. Very quick story. Not funny. You're the new Norm Crosby. Doug, exactly what I'm doing now. Very astutiating experience.
Very quick story,
not funny.
You're the new Norm Crosby.
My friend,
Greg Nicotero,
did the effects
in Drag Me to Hell
and so I went to
the premiere with him.
That's not a real movie.
Was that a movie?
I was at that premiere.
We're doing the thing
where he's at the,
she's at the dinner
with the family
and the eye comes out
of the kick
and he just leans forward
and he goes,
I made that eyeball.
That's so great.
I have friends that aren't comics.
I never claimed that you had looking at you.
That was one quote in the Judy Carter book that you got wrong.
All right, can I ask you something?
Wayne has a question.
I have a question.
There was a movie I saw on HBO.
I don't know if it came out
Last year called Post Grad
Have you seen that movie?
No I haven't
Has anybody?
What?
Was that the sequel
To Bachelor of Fine Arts?
No but
But it has one of the
Craziest lines I've ever
Heard in a movie In that there's a scene.
Wait, did you like it?
No.
Okay, good.
Because everyone here didn't like it.
In the movie, the girl is very upset because she doesn't get this job after she graduates college.
Post-grad.
Yeah, she gets post-grad.
The guy who likes her goes, hey, there's no disappointment in life that can't be mitigated by biting into an Eskimo pie.
Like, wait, wait, that's not the horrible part.
Then she goes, I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
Like she had never had one.
She takes a bite of it.
Wait, this gets better.
Spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert. alert spoiler alert i don't wait there's
a person that doesn't know what an eskimo spoiler alert she takes a bite
wait she takes a bite of the eskimo pie and this is her line she goes oh my god. It's like God just gave birth in my mouth.
I swear to God that is a line. That's not a
truth. Come on.
Whatever. Use your computers or whatever
things you can. Use it.
Look it up.
Use my Sony Watchman. And I thought that's bullshit
because everyone knows.
Things evolved though because that line
eventually became I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Right.
And then every asshole has to say it.
That's like a diamond of wrong.
That's like a bad line on seven levels.
You know, because everyone knows God's a dude, right?
That's just ridiculous.
That's fucking crazy.
So, let's say, the idea of someone giving birth in your mouth, that part, okay, that's available.
That guy just gave an ass birth in my mouth.
Hey, Doug, isn't there a movie about a girl, someone after college moves back in with her parents?
That's not the same movie, right?
You know what I'm talking about?
It was like an indie film.
Now she's doing a show with Joe Apatow.
Oh, Tiny Furniture?
That's the accused.
Tiny Furniture?
Tiny Furniture.
Yes.
Tiny Furniture is fantastic. That's a different. Tiny Furniture? Tiny Furniture. Yes. Yeah, that's not that movie, right?
That's a different...
Tiny Furniture is fantastic.
That's not the movie.
Do you mean...
When you keep saying Tiny Furniture is fantastic,
do you mean the movie?
Yes.
Or Tiny Furniture?
Both.
I watched the movie sitting on Tiny Furniture,
and I feel like I'm a giant at the movies.
But yeah, I saw that at South by Southwest last year.
She has a show coming up on HBO, that girl, Lena.
Yeah, she has a show.
It's very funny.
She's working on something with Judge.
She's like...
By the way, if you...
Very popular.
And also for the young filmmakers,
made on the 5D and the 7D.
Yeah.
That's a little inside information.
I did a...
What does that mean?
That's super inside.
Can't you make it...
That's not for everybody.
Make it for the layman?
I don't know if you remember a little movie called John Tucker Must Die.
Hold your applause.
They did that thing in the development of that movie.
They get the script to the point where all the executives give their notes.
No, and that train is stoppable.
What?
Act three, they hit a hill. I'm a title debunker.
I feel like God spit in my mouth.
Is that good?
God gave birth in my mouth.
Oh, and long story short,
that movie had no jokes in it.
They took all the jokes out.
Because to get it approved, you go through the development process where everybody's just saying their their context well here i am looking for a girl here i am mad at my mother
um so i had to go in and i had to literally just like whip jokes out of thin air and put them in
the movie because they had no jokes and one one of the jokes, the girls are all sitting around eating chocolate
and I said, I wrote a
great joke. I said, look at this.
Chocolate covered raisins. Chocolate covered
peanuts. Chocolate covered
wafers. Chocolate covered
graham crackers. Chocolate is a John Tucker of candy.
If a new candy comes along, chocolate has to
get all up in it.
Good joke. Give that over.
Completely perfect. Completely acceptable joke.
They sent me the
dailies of the movie.
They sent me the dailies of the movie and this is how that joke
got translated.
By Shakira. Is that her name?
Anastasia.
He brought in a foreign singer
to translate.
With the torso script.
Whoever the girl was in the movie with one name that hopefully has made enough to get another name.
That was her line.
And she goes, chocolate is so good.
Chocolate is your friend.
That's it.
And I said, what happened to the joke?
I wrote.
Oh, Betty, the director, thought it would be good to let the actors
put the jokes in their own words.
He said, funny thing about jokes.
Specific word construction
intrinsic to their success.
True.
I'll tell you who that woman was that you saw.
Betty Thomas.
My wife was the woman that you saw.
That was no lady.
See, it doesn't work in my own words.
I feel like you're mad at this guy still.
I am.
The people behind
Max Tucker, was that his name?
John Tucker.
The movie was about four girls mad at this guy
that was double-timing them all.
And then one guy at the studio said,
but we want the guy to be likable.
Oh, good. So now it's about nothing.
Yeah, the guy's a good guy.
It's about four pretty girls and a guy,
and there's a series of practical jokes,
and then it's a food fight.
What's the big deal?
Yeah.
We want him to be likable.
It's an innocent mistake.
He was on Ambien.
That way there's no reason to watch it.
You know what was good?
John Barleycorn Must Die. That was a good album. Am I right, Traffic? Am I wrong? Am I right about that? that way there's no reason to watch it you know what was good john barleycorn must die now that
was a good album am i right traffic am i wrong am i right about that or am i wrong am i right
about that as an album or wrong john probably must die traffic quadrophenia by the who good
not so good overproduced there i said it so check out I Am Comic
it's directed by
Jordan Brady
who is also a comedian
that we all have known
from way back
so I'm
and I'm not at all
offended that I wasn't
I didn't get to
participate in the film
but he's talking about
a sequel
so I'm very excited
about that
because I Am Comic 2
as well I Am Comic as well yes but you guys are all very funny in it and So I'm very excited about that. Because I am comic too.
As well.
I am comic as well.
Yes, but you guys are all very funny in it.
Did you like it?
I thought there was some really great stuff in it.
And I loved the Rich Scheidner storyline.
Because when I started comedy in 2002,
when I started comedy,
Rich Scheidner was one of my favorite.
I opened for that dude once
and he was,
he was kind of nice.
And he was brilliant.
And so to see
his whole storyline,
I thought was fantastic.
And I love the joke
about Beth Lapidus
where she says,
she's saying everybody
back then was working
on their tight 10
and then on the,
the,
you know,
the super,
it says only Beth
called it the tight 10. Yeah. They, they chyron in little snarky and then on the the super yeah yeah it says only Beth called the titan
yeah they
chyron in
little snarky
comments from time to time
it was very
but a lot of
most of the time
they sort of let the comics
I was referencing
Tommy Davidson earlier
because for whatever reason
when he gets interviewed
he decides to just
go off and be
very strange
and so it's very
it's very entertaining
on a couple levels
he went Mork.
Yeah, he goes Mork
which has only been allowed
only one person
could ever be allowed
to go Mork
and even that
went on for too long.
But they brought in
Jonathan Winters
just to
Oh my God.
This is what we'll do.
We'll get an old man
to play your baby.
That's going to save
Mork and Mindy.
All right,
we got to play
the Leonard Mullen game,
you guys.
Let's do it.
We got to play.
Let's do it.
We didn't even get to talk
about Black Swan.
What do you want to say
about Black Swan?
Just say it real quick.
Well, I was just,
I thought it was going
to be a good movie
when I went.
And then when I realized
it wasn't a good movie,
it was just like a fake movie.
It's a crazy movie.
It's like about madness, kind of.
No.
It's a
ballet horror movie.
It's a ballet suspense thriller.
I don't know why the Golden Globes
didn't nominate it for comedy or musical.
Is it a good-natured romp?
Is it a good-natured romp? Well, there's a good-natured romp? Is it a good-natured romp?
Well, there's a good-natured romp
at one point between two ladies.
I enjoyed that part.
I sort of liked her self-romp.
Yeah, when she self-romps
laying face down?
I didn't even know girls did that.
That was possible, yeah.
I thought it was more just like
you close your eyes
and there's one fast finger going,
but I didn't know you could actually get on top
of your own hand like that.
Fast finger self-romping?
That's a good expression.
Nothing sexier than hearing Wayne talk about
women's masturbation.
Including the prize package tonight,
Andy Kindler's I Wish I Was Bitter.
That's in there.
That's something you can win.
Why'd someone laugh at it like it was a fake thing?
It's a real...
I brought a copy of Inception, the shooting script.
Try to stay awake.
This was so clearly given to you, but you're in the guild.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just playing it forward.
And this is a book called Fired that Wayne brought. And it's got a bunch of very funny people in it. I'm in playing it forward. And this was, this is a book called Fired that Wayne brought
and it's got a bunch of
very funny people in it.
I'm in that book.
And then,
oh, Dana Gould is in it.
So there you go.
Are you supposed to bring like
Why am I looking at the back?
No reason.
Oh, okay.
Thanks for that tip.
I'm not supposed to bring
unusual things.
Do you want me to sign this to you, Wayne?
No, they're not supposed to be unusual.
We also have my CD,
Professional Humor Idiot,
that's available at AST Records and on iTunes.
We have Dana Gould's DVD, Let Me Put My Thoughts In You.
And then look for his next one, Let Me Romp In You.
Let me romp my thoughts up you.
I brought another little Woot Monkey keychain.
That's cute.
That is cute.
And I got a bunch of them, so I'll bring one every week until I don't have any.
Look at this.
And then this is an album, actual physical album by Dana Gould.
It's called Fun House.
You can scratch it.
Yeah, if you're a DJ, this is really going to come in handy.
If you're a DJ and you're at a breakdancing show.
A bar mitzvah DJ would be good.
Who needs a new cartridge for their turntable?
I know I do.
So somebody's going to win all of this.
Andy Kindler, pick out a name tag that you'd like to play for in the audience
and go get it from them.
Oh, there's some.
Shane.
Shane.
All right, Shane, you did it.
You got chosen.
Was I not supposed to say Shane?
Is this right?
Yeah, go get it from them.
Okay, they're going to have their names on a. On a right? Yeah go get it from him Okay they're gonna have
Their names on a
On a what?
Some people do it on their phones
Some people make
Some people
It's kind of fun
I always like to find the one
That took the least amount of effort
And I think that
That one's
That one's doing pretty good
Right
Oh that
I like that on the side
Of the coffee cup
That's pretty
That's pretty lazy
I don't get the
Let's make a deal
Monty Hall feeling.
It's crazy.
They're all cool L.A. people, so they don't
actually wear them. They all hold them in their laps.
And then when it's time,
they hold them up.
I gotta go with Dana Pick Me.
Oh, it says Dana Pick Me on it?
No, he said Dana Pick Me. Oh, he said it.
Oh, that's one way to go.
Can you tear that off, or is it surgically attached? Oh, there you go. So give that to Dana. He's playing picked me. Oh, he said it. Yeah. All right. That's one way to go. Can you tear that off, or is it surgically attached?
Oh, there you go.
So give that to Dana.
He's playing for Josh.
How long was I up?
I don't like...
I feel like people in the front get too much attention.
Wayne's talking off microphone.
For those of you listening at home, Wayne is concerned that people in the front get too much attention.
Well, they also got here earlier, but that's cool.
He's doing...
Wayne's doing Robin Williams-like crowd work.
Yeah. He got Jen?
Yeah. So Wayne's playing for Jen,
Dana's playing for Jose, and Andy is
playing for Shane.
And good luck, everybody.
We'll start down here with you,
Wayne. We'll go around that way.
Can I guess the movie even before you
say anything?
You want to do one quick pre-guess?
I'm going to do a pre-guess.
Can you give me
is there anything? I'm not, let's play the game.
What are you, Kreskin?
I thought you really had a good idea for
a pre-game. Is it with six you get egg roll?
You want a bunch of clues. Alright.
This was submitted
by someone on Twitter named StunnedByBoobs.
They
suggested food in the title. So these are
movies where there's some sort of food
In the title of the film
Also when this particular episode
Plops on Friday
What did I tell you about pre-guessing?
How did I pre-guess?
When this episode plops on Friday
It's going to be Nicolas Cage's birthday
So we have a Nicolas Cage category
And then on the sadder side
Of life I created a Pete Possilthwaite category Because he passed away birthday, so we have a Nicolas Cage category. And then on the sadder side of life, I
created a Pete Possilthwaite category
because he passed away and he
was awesome. So,
which one of those would you like to play, Wayne Fetterman?
The food one.
Food in the title.
Food in the title with
Nicolas Cage in them.
That's the category.
I'm not going to reveal whether he's in any of these or not, but I don't think there's ever been food in a Nicolas Cage in them. That's the category I like. I'm not going to reveal whether he's in any of these or not.
But I don't think there's ever been food
in a Nicolas Cage title.
I'm willing to guess.
No.
Moon Pie Struck?
Okay, would you like one for 1979,
1987, or 1988?
Wayne Fetterman.
I'm going to go back.
Back to the 70s.
Wow. 79.
Leonard Maltin gave this one and a half stars.
Outrageous!
Now Len, you cocksucker!
Is this food?
That's my John Lithgow impression.
When John Lithgow was on,
he called Leonard Maltin a cocksucker.
It was awesome. He gave Diner one and a cocksucker. Oh, I didn't.
It was awesome.
He gave Diner one and a half stars?
Did he really?
No.
So, let's go out for Diner.
I really want to eat some Diner.
That's what you say.
Don't go too far into the joke, Doug.
Don't go into the...
Don't explore.
It was just a house number.
Okay, Leonard gives it one and a half stars.
Yes.
He calls it alternately cruel and sloppily sentimental.
1979, this movie's made.
1979.
There's food in the title.
He also calls it pretty desperate.
Yeah.
Leonard, one of his minions, did not care for this.
I can guess it.
Hang on, Dana.
We start with Wayne.
Why?
Because that's how the game works.
Because I'm not Josh.
How many names can you guess it in out of six names, Wayne Fetterman?
Oh, definitely in six.
That's your opening bid, six names?
I know it's crazy, but that's my strategy.
Dana Gould, what do you say?
I'm looking at their faces faces and I think I know.
You obviously have to bid lower.
I can do it in...
That's what I think. I can do it in three.
He says he can do it in three, Andy Kindler.
Well, I say do it then.
Name that movie, Dana Gould.
Is it a five-word title?
No.
No.
But I shouldn't have said that.
Why shouldn't you...
Because it gave it away.
I thought it was Attack of the you Oh Because it gave it away Or it didn't give it away
It gave away that it's not what he's thinking it is
I thought it was
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Alright well that's
Not what it is
One and a half stars
Attack of the Killer Sugar Beets
Alternately cruel
And sloppily sentimental
Pretty desperate
Apocalypse Fruit
Your three names
Are Sarah Torghoff
Christine DeBell
And Russ Barham
The Great Russ Barham. The great.
Russ Barham.
Whenever I go to the Valley, I think of him.
Could it be easier?
Could it be any easier?
When I drive over on Barham.
Could it be any easier?
Jesus.
I thought it could be harder, Wayne.
Hang on.
No, I'm going to get it.
1979.
Lay up.
I find when people stroke their brain like that, it never helps.
Squinting doesn't help.
He's going to lose a point.
You should have a strong idea by now.
Soylent green.
1973, sorry.
That's not food, that's people.
Nice.
Spoiler alert.
A lot of spoilers on this ep.
Spoiler alert.
I'm selling a spoiler alert.
It's not Hot Dog the movie.
No, it's not Hot Dog the movie, but that's a great guess.
The movie is, the rest of the stars were Kate Lynch, Harvey Atkin, and Bill Murray, and
the movie's called Meatballs.
I like that movie.
One and a half stars?
You know what name I would have gotten on?
Chris Makepeace.
Oh, yeah.
All right, so Eddie Kindler has a point.
Bill Murray shows up.
It's more than one and a half stars, my friend.
He's funny in that movie.
He's funny in that movie.
Yeah, but he's got one or two one and a half star movies.
Okay.
Ghostbusters 2 soars across the screen.
Garfield.
Boom.
Argument over.
Garfield 1, Garfield 2.
Two bad movies.
In an interview, though though he said he thought
it was written by
the Coen brother guy.
That's why he said yes.
Yeah.
But he figured it out
by the sequel.
Well he's like
Well the sequel was just
It was just words
that he did in the first movie
cut in different order.
No he came back in.
He came back in for 10 minutes.
He was emotionally invested by then.
It took him less time to read his lines than for the audience to listen to them.
I bet.
Okay.
Let's start.
Wayne, you get to start off again.
You get to pick a category.
Yeah, because you weren't involved in that skirmish.
All right.
Let's go.
Nick Cage.
Oh, okay.
I don't even need to name the categories.
I was going to say.
He does Nick.
You do the Nick. I think I can remember. You don't say need to name the categories. I was going to say... I think I can remember.
But I like these. There's things in the
category names that I want to say.
Okay. I've prepared.
Sorry. Go ahead. Do it. What are the categories,
Doug?
I like your enthusiasm.
Edgar Wright has a festival
called The Right Stuff.
He's going to show
a bunch of movies at the New Beverly starting on January 14th.
I'm going to go to as many of them as I can.
But these are movies that are part of his that he's going to be showing.
You'd never pick that category because that's not a good clue at all to start off with.
Or we could go Nick Cage or future guest Dave Foley's birthday today, you guys.
It's his birthday? Yeah, so movies featuring Dave Foley. I today, you guys. It's his birthday today.
Yeah, so movies featuring Dave Foley.
I'm going to stick with Cage.
All right.
1990, 2004, or 2008?
Con Air.
All three years.
You're the worst.
That movie had a strange release pattern.
They rolled it out.
Yeah.
They started in prisons.
Then they played it for airline attendants.
Then America.
What were the years again?
90?
90, 2004, 2008.
2004.
2004. Okay. Leonard 2004. 2004, okay.
Leonard gives this movie three stars.
Right.
What evs, I say to that.
He calls it surprisingly entertaining.
Mm-hmm.
And then the last line of the review is,
longer than it needs to be, but still fun.
So it's surprisingly entertaining. Longer than it needs to be but still fun so it's surprisingly entertaining longer than it
needs to be but still fun three stars 2004 nick cage is in it and there are eight names that's a
good guessing strategy how often do they make a movie where the movie comes out and the name of
it is the year that it came out i don't think think ever. I'm going to do
I'm holding up five fingers.
Five names.
Yes.
Dana Gould.
Out of eight.
2004.
2004, yes.
Very close.
Nick Cage.
Surprisingly entertaining.
Three stars.
I'll do it in seven.
Longer than it needs to be.
No, I know that's not how it works. I can't. I'm going to. Well, I'll do it in seven. Longer than it needs to be. No, I know that's not how it works.
I can't, I'm gonna,
well, I'll have to say four. Four names,
Dana Gould says. Andy
Kindler? I can't name it in
15 or 20 names.
Do I pass? Can I pass again? No, you could say
name that movie. Name that movie or write it.
Oh my god, Andy Kindler might take this, you guys.
It's so exciting
with someone who doesn't know.
My strategy, right?
You totally paid off.
How can I help?
I asked you to sit in the middle so you couldn't do this,
but I like your initiative.
All right, so Dana gets four names.
Do you want the clues again?
Does anyone have a spare inhaler?
Okay, longer than it needs to be,
surprisingly entertaining,
Nicolas Cage movie that gets three stars.
And your names are
Justin Bartha,
Hunter Gomez,
Harvey Keitel,
and Christopher Plummer, Harvey Keitel, and Christopher Plummer.
Harvey Keitel.
Harvey Keitel.
And Christopher Plummer.
Christopher Plummer.
And Nicholas Cage.
I wonder if Harvey Keitel and Nick Cage stood around and said,
are you going to masturbate in front of a nun when you play the bad lieutenant?
Bad lieutenant, ports of call.
That's a terrific guess,
but you don't have to try to guess right now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just showing you how I could guess.
Oh, oh, oh.
Hang on.
I just need 10 seconds.
Here we go.
Let's let him think, everybody.
Ten! Nine!
I did not say starting when.
Now, starting over.
I need ten seconds starting in about two minutes.
We gotta go, Dana.
Christopher Plummer.
Yes.
Javi Cattell.
Javi Cattell.
Javi Cattell.
Hello.
Javi Cattell. It. Javi Cattell.
It's not monkey trouble.
That's my Sam Fuller impression.
It's not monkey trouble.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, no.
Where's Shane at?
Here it is.
Where's Shane at?
All right, Shane, you're Andy Kinder's winner.
I'm calling it.
We got to go.
We're out of time.
It's not. You ran out of time. It's not...
You ran out of time,
but you can still guess
just for fun.
I was going to say
Red Rock West,
but that was much earlier.
Red Rock West?
Harvey Cartel's not in that,
nor is Christopher Plummer.
Main Streets.
It is Main Streets,
though, isn't it?
No, the rest of the names
are Sean Bean,
John Voight,
Diane Kruger,
and Nicolas Cage.
National Treasure.
National Treasure,
Book of Dreams.
Congratulations, Shane.
You won.
Eddie Kindler won for you.
Oh, you should.
Let me find these two.
And you guys,
everybody just go down the line
and plug anything you want to plug right now.
What do you got coming up?
Wayne, you first.
What's going on?
In an episode of a television series
that's about to be... Oh, that was already
canceled. Just canceled.
So it's called Running Wild.
Are you upset I'm in it?
Because I can hear that
and it affects me emotionally.
I will be in San
Francisco on February 11th and 12th at the Punchline. And at some point between now and then I'll be I will be in San Francisco On February 11th and 12th
At the Punchline
And at some point between now and then
I'll be on the Conan program
Ah nice
Talking about it
Yay
Be on the Conan program
I will be this weekend
If Wednesday's dropping
Friday I'll be at the
Friday yes
Oh yes
You'll be in Atlanta
Oh that's great
And then
Through Sunday
Through Sunday
Two shows a night Two shows a night And then through Sunday. Through Sunday. Two shows a night.
Two shows a night.
And then on Sunday, I think I'm on the first Bob's Burgers.
Oh, okay, Bob's Burgers on Fox, a new animated show.
Yeah, it looks very good.
I'm recurring on that thing.
I'm very excited about that program.
You can eat at the Waffle House when you're in Atlanta.
Oh, no, the Flying J, the Flying Biscuit.
And you can shop at Piggly Wiggly.
All right, another round of applause for all these guys.
Eddie Kimmer, Dana Gould, Wade Fetterman.
Check them out and all that they do.
Was it Valley Girl?
I'm going to get a picture of you guys in a second.
No, it's still National Treasure.
Ah, fuck.
The movies don't change.
I'm going to get a picture of you guys, but before we go, I have to say,
as always,
stop talking, you guys.
Are you done?
I think it's him.
That's hilarious.
It's okay.
I'm ramping into the last line of the show.
You guys are still chatting over there.
I know Wayne keeps saying, it's him, it's him,
but I'm just saying, what you're doing now
is still taking up more time.
As always,
Ed Frank is a shithead.
That's what Jose wanted.
Ed Dana Gould
is a shithead.
I chose you as my own.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.