Doug Loves Movies - Andy Signore, Kate Miccuci, Sean Jordan and Dave Waite guest
Episode Date: October 26, 2016Back at the trusty UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Andy Signore, Kate Micucci, Sean Jordan and Dave Waite to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Noti...ce at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 azod-pop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not more that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. Hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
And you know what Doug doesn't like?
It's baseball.
Feels like there's some empty seats here tonight because people care so much about the World Series,
which I thought was a thing people didn't care about anymore.
But then when a team that hasn't gotten into it for
a million gazillion years gets into it,
then suddenly it becomes very exciting.
Is it weird to have this in front of my face the whole
time? So I think this is how I'm
going to do it, because I have...
I'm just going to jump to this since you've
already seen it.
Thanks to the folks at Starz, I have
an Ash vs. the Evil Dead foam
chainsaw hand.
Tired of being number one? Put a chainsaw on your hand instead.
And sort of say that you're number one, but through chainsaw.
Plus a lot of other stuff from Ash vs. the Evil Dead in the prize bag tonight.
They sent me a ton of promotional materials, and I will get them all out of my house.
We're coming to you once again from our original home,
the UCB Theater Franklin location in Los Angeles, California.
That's right.
Give it up for all of those things,
especially the Franklin part of it the Franklin location
I love this block
it's Tuesday October 25th 2016
only two weeks until the presidential election
let me see some name tags
that I can vote for
audience we've got one
we've got two
three four oh there's plenty
okay just wanted to make sure
there was enough we'll get into it more specifically in a little while.
But I just wanted to make sure there was enough to go around.
Because as you can see, I've got four guest seats here tonight.
Doug plugs, Doug loves scary movies.
This Thursday night, October 27th at Cobbs in San Francisco.
Wear your Halloween costumes.
Give them a test run, SF.
Saturday, Doug Loves Movies comes to the first ever
Now Here This Fest in Anaheim, California.
Mini-app, Doug is going to love movies again
at the Women's Club of Minneapolis
on Saturday, November 5th at 420.
Douglovesmovies.com.
Douglovesmovies.com douglosemovies.com
from the
from the corrections department
I'm gonna see how long
I can pause
I'm gonna see if I can stretch that pause out
to like a minute
like really hammy acting
you know like Stanley Tucci in the core
I'll tell you
what I think we should do.
We should drill
into the core.
I think he has a pause like that in that movie.
Alright, from the corrections department,
it's forces of nature,
not force.
Oops.
The guy who runs dorkies
like you guys
may have not heard
this yet
but I may have
impugned a gentleman
by saying he was
racist
a guy who owns
a barcade
up in Tacoma
Washington
and I just want
to say that
after his
supposed racist
tirade
that he made
publicly and got in a lot of heat for,
he donated two nights' worth of profit
to Black Lives Matter.
So he donated all those quarters.
Because it's a barcade.
So I don't know how they transported them.
I don't know how that works.
Might have cut them a check.
But no matter what, he tried to make good on that.
This all happened a couple years ago, too,
so who really cares?
Here's another correction I don't give a shit about.
Two F by C is the correct title
of the Dennis Leary-Sandy Bullock joint.
Yeah, nobody cares.
You get one person tweet at me
these things and I feel like
I have to, you know.
This is such a...
Alright, the prize bag also has...
I just gave up on that. Let's get
to the prize bag, get the guests out here.
What are you rambling about?
We got some honey mustard pretzels.
Yeah, I got like a wine gift basket thingy.
Not wine.
It had Tito's vodka in it.
And I quit alcohol for 30 days.
So that's probably why I'm off my game tonight.
Because today is day three.
Here's a Douglas
Movies t-shirt. We got
Phil Bill, the coloring book that everybody's
ranting and raving about.
We got a hat and
a shirt and a souvenir book
all from Ash vs. Evil Dead.
Not to mention an Ash vs. Evil Dead bag.
But I
dare to say
that the winner of the prize bag tonight,
one of the seven or eight people who made a name tag,
is going to go home
with a lot of shit.
But also,
and we'll get to this
in a second as well, I think we have a very
special prize for
everyone that's here
tonight. Yeah.
Let's get my guests out
here. Please give a big warm welcome to
Andy Signore, Dave Waite,
Sean Jordan, and Kate
Micucci!
Come on out, you guys.
Yeah, right?
Somebody in the audience already saw your prize bag, Andy,
and they're like, oh, shit.
That guy brought some stuff.
All right, so let's all try to scoot down that way a little bit.
Sean, just use the end of the table there.
Try not to turn your back to the lovely folks in the side section.
And yeah.
Oh, that worked out great.
All right.
We've all got enough room.
But let's start with the first timer on the panel, first time guest on the show. It's Andy Signore everybody. From Screen Junkies.
What's your title over there? President?
Yeah, something like that. Creator, President,
all around in charge. Yeah, you're in charge
of Screen Junkies, which people love.
They get to check out a lot of this stuff for free
on YouTube and whatnot.
And that's ScreenJunkies.com.
But there's a paywall
situation over there. There is.
Where you are. Where they can get lots of fun stuff,
including my show, Pitch Off,
and also a show with
Kevin Smith and
what's his name?
Jason Mewes.
I love how you go, uh...
You should definitely know.
You see him once every couple of months.
Unboxing toys week to week.
Yeah, they unbox toys on camera.
And that's the show.
And that's the beauty of Screen Junkies.
They're breaking boundaries and doing different things.
In my show, they gave me my own studio that I get to run,
and I get to have people come in and pitch ideas to me.
Which brings me to another guest on the panel.
Kate Micucci's here, everybody.
She recently participated
as a contestant on Pitch Off.
And tell everybody
what that experience was like for you.
Should I give away
spoilers? It's okay? Yeah, sure.
It comes out on November 9th
is when your episode will be available at Screen Junkies Plus. But go ahead. Spo's okay. Yeah, sure. It comes out on November 9th is when your episode will be available
at Screen Junkies Plus, but
go ahead. Spoil away.
Well, it was a category that I knew
nothing about. Oh, that's right.
We wanted you to talk about the
Marvel Universe. Make a Wes
Anderson Marvel movie. Yes.
A Wes Anderson Marvel movie.
But they use the initials. What are the initials for
Marvel Universe? MCU.
Yeah, what is it?
Marvel?
Cinematic.
Cinematic Universe.
So we just sent you a thing saying MCU,
and you probably were immediately like,
what the fuck is MCU?
Yeah, I didn't know what MCU was.
I thought it was where Kiefer Sutherland works on 24.
I thought it was like, you know,
like how they have like Man Crush Mondays.
Like, I thought it was something like...
Oh, yeah, the old Man Crush Under. Yeah, exactly. I was like, they have man crush Mondays. I thought it was something like... Oh, yeah, the old man crush under.
Yeah, exactly.
I was like, all right, I got that.
Oh, no, I don't have it.
Man crush undercarriage.
Who's got the best bottom ball?
So you were confused by that, and you had to come in and pitch,
but I think you were a real good sport about it,
and you still had some fun ideas.
And we can't say if you won or
lost and also there's nothing really to win or lose uh we're just really looking for some new
great ideas like a wes anderson marvel cinematic universe movie i i don't know that i had any good
ideas for you but um i had a fun time and thanks for having me on it and in my episode i would say
i will i will give one hint i I phone a friend, sort of.
Not sort of.
She had a friend write out a pitch for her
and she read it from her phone.
Doug called it a speaker phone.
It's
fun. It's a fun episode
as they all are.
So check those out and check out Kate
singing the
Christmas version of the
Douglas Movies theme
in the upcoming weeks
between every year
between Thanksgiving
and New Year's.
We use your version
of the song
with Ricky Lindholm,
the other half
of Garfunkel and Oates.
And bring out
the jingle bells.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yep.
And what else?
Oh, you're the star
of Don't Think Twice.
We have to talk about that.
Well, I don't know that I'm... Thank you.
I don't know that I'm the star, but...
You're surrounded by a bunch of slobs,
and you really bring the whole thing home.
I have to tell you, I was in Westwood at a theater,
and it just so happened that they were screening Unleashed,
that movie I did about the dog and the cat.
And, you know,
oh, thank you for the
few people that came to that screening.
I think they just love dogs and cats.
Yeah, maybe that's a point. Who can't clap for
dogs and cats? Everybody would be
clapping for dogs and cats. But
as I was leaving, they were taking down the
Unleashed, like, name
on the marquee and putting
up Don't Think Twice. And it just said my name and then Don't Think Twice.
And I was like, oh, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
I'm flattered that you would put my name up there,
but I don't think, you know, I'm not,
like, you should really put Mike Birbiglia's name up there.
And then the guy's like, oh, your name was the only one
that worked with the amount of letters we had.
So for a week, it looked like I was the star
of Don't Think Twice.
We had a lot of C's laying around for Makuchi.
That's, wow.
It was very sweet.
Because we play a game on this show called Cable Billing.
Yeah, that's it.
And in that game, I'll just name on Time Warner Cable,
they'll just do the most random in every cable system.
They'll pick two random people from a movie,
like for Don't Think Twice, Don't Be Surprised,
if it says Kate McEuchie and Tammy Sager
or something like that,
and skips over Mike and all the other people that are in it.
Yeah, Keegan and Gillian.
Yeah, it's weird.
They do weird things with that,
so we turn it into a game on the show.
Moving on!
I just wanted to mention, though, that Don't Think Twice is...
Michael Jackson once said,
Remember to always think twice.
Do think twice.
I mean, that was something he was saying to Billie Jean,
so, you know, in her case,
maybe she should always think twice,
and in your case, you don't have to.
Maybe that'll be the sequel.
What?
Dave Wade is here, everybody!
Hey, hi!
Yeah.
Hello.
We first met you on Doug Loves Movies in Chicago.
Was that the first time you did it?
I was here.
Here?
In this very theater?
Yeah, man.
You were sitting one seat over?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, now I'm remembering it.
And then we also hung out last August at the Italia Theater in Chicago.
Yeah, yeah, we did that.
Okay. All right. So you've got quite a history with the show. last August at the Talia Theater in Chicago. Yeah, we did that.
So you've got quite a history with the show.
And I think
Andy's going to be really good at the games
I have a feeling.
The way he's been looking at the answers
on this piece of paper.
No, they're on the other side. It's all good.
And Kate's always great at this stuff.
So you feeling good today Dave?
I just want to know why that guy's phone is in his sock
that's really throwing me the fuck out
yeah see it takes a little thing like that
I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere else in this panel
asked this guy to do that
just to throw you off it's kind of like
you know Trump bringing
Obama's half brother to the debate I you know, Trump bringing Obama's half-brother to the debate.
I'm sure this guy is somebody's half-brother
with his phone in his sock.
I think it's a really good idea.
He's got a heavy-duty sock, man.
You don't walk around with it down there.
That's just during showtime.
When you're just kicking back watching a show. No one's going to walk up with a butterfly knife and say, give me what's just during show time. When you're just kicking back
watching a show.
No one's going to walk up
with a butterfly knife
and say,
give me what's in your fucking sock.
And that's Sean Jordan, everybody.
Oh, I'm introducing Sean Jordan.
He switched it.
Sean Jordan,
we're getting to smattering
because we're all talking.
We're all obsessed with the sock.
I think it's a good idea.
I wasn't going to say anything about it.
He switched the sock.
He did.
It's like that cup trick that you see
with people doing on the streets.
Which ball's the cup in?
Which sock's my phone in?
Sean and I met in Sioux Falls.
Best city in the world.
One of the Dakotas.
South. I don't think I. Best city in the world. One of the Dakotas. South.
South.
I don't think I've done anything in North Dakota.
That might be one of my states that I've got to cross off the list somehow.
Which city would you recommend in North Dakota?
Fargo.
Fargo.
Oh, shit.
My bad.
Was I looking at you, Dave?
My bad.
I got excited.
I love Fargo.
You had the same answer, so it's all good.
Is it just the movie that you like and the TV series based on it,
or do you really like going to Fargo?
I like it, yeah.
There's like a place called Sweeto Burrito where they put French fries.
Sweeto Burrito?
Yeah, they put French fries.
I mean, that's all I need to know.
They put French fries in a burrito.
It's called Fargo.
Just add O to everything.
And then Fargo, fuck yourself.
Fargo's not bad. Fargo's alright.
But we met in Sioux Falls
and I'd love to do one of these
there someday if we think
we can scrape up enough people to
check it out. We can do that.
I think it's worth a shot. Why not, right?
I'm saying. I'll be there over Christmas at the new comedy
club Wacko's worth a shot. Why not, right? I'm saying, I'll be there over Christmas at the new comedy club, Wackos with a Z.
You don't have to make up comedy clubs just to make Sioux Falls seem cooler.
Wackos with a Z.
I try to stick up for that city.
All right, Wackos.
Yeah, it's real.
Sean, let's start with you because I feel we should build in this direction to what Andy has brought for us this evening.
What do you have for the prize bag?
I went a little nuts at Target.
They got a lot of Halloween candy.
So first we have Candy Corn Peeps.
Dog.
Oh, no.
Are you kidding me?
God damn it.
What a weird tasting thing that must be.
I bet you they are so fucking dope.
Nobody's tried to put candy corn flavor into anything but candy corn.
You need to talk to Target because they're throwing in granola bars no they have it in healthy stuff stuff that's
supposed to be healthy like i don't know granola bars i guess right yeah that's pretty much the
only example you're gonna have uh caramel apple twizzlers okay chains those are dope so a variety
of candies variety candies and then scream a blray Scream, because it's fucking dope.
That's neat.
I've got to stop saying dope.
And then an album, since I don't have one,
I keep giving my roommates out, Ian Carmel and Kale Rockstars,
because it's awesome.
There we go.
Different way to go.
There you go.
So that's what I got.
What did you think of the movie Dope?
I loved it.
Okay, good.
We went together.
Great job.
That was a great chance to say dope again,
and you didn't do it, so good for you.
Kate, what do you have for the prize bag?
Mine's not nearly as elaborate.
Not knowing much about Wes Anderson,
I brought the Grand Budapest Hotel.
Hotel, right.
Yeah, you've got to do your research now.
And then I just brought two T-shirts that I made.
One says, I don't usually wear socks,
but I'm planning on going bowling later.
And I need my phone!
You need to do a new version of that
where there's a phone tucked into a sock.
I should say, I always wear socks,
and that's how I carry my phone.
And then there's another t-shirt that I made,
and this one is just,
it says, Howard liked little boobs, little boobs liked top hats, there's another t-shirt that I made and this one is just Howard
liked little boobs, little boobs
liked top hats because Howard is holding
hands with a girl who has little boobs
but she's wearing a top hat.
There you go. Two t-shirts and a movie.
I'd like to see a TV series called
Little Boobs and Top Hat.
Sounds like they could solve a lot of crimes.
What do you got for us here, Dave?
I got a pin. It's my head.
Oh, that's nice.
From a distance, I thought that was a famous cartoon character.
Yeah, it's me.
I couldn't figure out which one.
It's just your head.
And then 27 Dresses, right?
Yeah, right?
Who doesn't want to watch 27 Dresses?
If you haven't seen it 27 times,
you're not doing it right.
I think it's good.
And then I got a Jack Reacher book
in honor of the new Reach.
One of the numerous Jack Reacher books
that they probably don't bother
to get too much out of for the films.
I heard the new one's terrible.
Is it? Ah, shit.
That sucks.
I haven't heard it from any one specific person,
but just the vibe is not good.
Rotten Tomatoes didn't get a very good number.
I liked the first one.
It kicked the shit out of a lot of people.
It was tight.
All right, pass everything down here, you guys,
that you brought so far, because I because i gotta really get this all consolidated before
this monster bag gets involved because you know andy works at screen junkies so he's got access
to a lot of stuff and uh so tell us tell us you're gonna just put it all on the table oh my god a
bunch of toys so at screen junkies we have a lot of stuff on our sets.
So there's like some Batman,
some Loki, there's
a Screen Junkies hat, Screen Junkies
shirt. This, well that's the funny
thing, hold on. And then I have Cars perfume.
This is all random things.
A Waterworld poster.
And then this
was just random because I'm trying
to unload this
and I shot
sketcher videos
way back
and these are
the weird
shape up shoes
those weird
rounded bottom shoes
yeah they hurt your foot
but I did like
viral videos for them
and I kept this
in my closet
and my wife
has been begging
to unload it
so you guys get that
because I didn't want
to give away
because they felt valuable
that's a cape
and then of course it is this is rare actually this is my horror movie The Janitor So you guys get that. I didn't want to give away because they felt valuable. That's a cape.
Of course it is.
This is rare, actually. This is my horror movie, The Janitor.
I actually don't give this away very often. So if you don't like me,
someone will be excited you got it.
A cape that says Arrow.
Which would finish your Arrow costume
because he has a sock in his shoe.
So a lot of fun, random crap.
But Doug, that didn't feel enough for me when I'm here.
That wasn't enough.
All this stuff.
No, because we're so grateful as screen junkies
that you help us all the time.
So I just wanted to be Oprah.
Am I allowed to be Oprah?
Well, I guess so.
Oh, shit.
I want to give something away to everybody in the crowd right here.
How about screen junkie t-shirts for everybody everybody gets a shirt god damn it
everybody gets a shirt and how about this in order to see doug show pitch off everything else on plus
including the roast of rick grimes which is very funny with a bunch of roasts of rick grimes how
would you all like a membership to screen junkies All right, well, that's fun.
Wait, so how long is this membership good for?
I think a few months.
They're going to be able to check out a lot of stuff.
A few months.
That's pretty cool.
Okay.
So I have a friend,
a colleague here has a clipboard.
You have to put your email on there
so I can make sure I email you the membership.
And then we have T-shirts we'll hand to you, too.
So yay!
Thanks, Doug.
Thanks, everybody at Black Lives Movies.
Oh, and if you're listening, Doug,
we're going to give just your listeners 20% off an annual discount
if they use promo code Doug at checkout.
ScreenDuckies.com.
All right.
So check out the show.
Fair enough.
It's so good.
We want to all see it.
It's like a wrestling match in here.
This is electric.
Yeah, that was pretty exciting.
Is there really a piece of paper being
passed around they could fill out?
He should be coming out this side there.
Come on out this side then.
I want to see that it's happening.
He doesn't trust me.
I don't like everybody to have to line up afterwards
to sign up. I want to just get it all in while you're here.
Okay, you got it going?
Okay, good. So yeah, get your email on there
and don't cheat and write down the email
of everyone you know.
My whole head moves when I wink.
I'm terrible at
winking. Alright, so
really quickly, let's go down the line
and ask the question I always like to ask everybody.
What was the last movie
that you saw
Sean S. Jordan
I went to
The Girl on the Train
last night
uh huh
at Los Feliz 3
so it was the first time
I've been to that theater
and the theater was
so sick
I like it there a lot
you like that theater a lot
I do
I like it a whole bunch now
it's my new favorite theater
in Los Angeles
alright you might want to
try the other two screens
yeah
well how do you know
you don't know which one
they took one and chopped it up into three,
and if you like the one you're in,
then you're not in the ones that suck.
It was a good movie.
I enjoyed it.
One of the theaters in there,
you have to literally look up.
You really are looking up at the movie.
It might have been that one.
Oh, and you thought that was sick.
I agree.
I totally think it's sick.
But was it dope?
No.
Well, it doesn't take a lot for me, Douglas.
It's just, you know, I enjoy things.
I'm glad you plugged the theater more than the movie.
Kate, what do you got?
Yesterday, I re-watched, because I hadn't seen it since high school, To Die For.
It's a good movie.
Oh, with Nicole Kidman and Matt Dillon?
Yeah, it's really good.
All right.
It's great. Joaquin Phoenix is so good. and Matt Dillon? Yeah, it's really good. All right. It's great.
Joaquin Phoenix is so good.
He's really young in it, but he's amazing.
Hard to forget her dancing around in front of the car lights out in the...
Oh, and it's all rainy.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a really good movie, though.
Okay.
Anyway.
Thanks for that.
Yeah, somebody re-watch that movie.
Get to Kate on Twitter.
Let her know.
Let me know if you like it.
Let her know.
Oh, I'm so glad you talked me into that.
It really is worthwhile.
Yeah.
It would suck if somebody wrote to you, what a waste of damn time.
How dare you?
No, that's a classic.
Gus Van Zandt directed that, right?
All right.
Dave?
I watched a movie on American Airlines.
It was sick.
And...
People talk like that sometimes. on American Airlines it was sick and the movie was the Independence Day which was
wolf that's a real shit surges one oh my god what's it called insurgents who
gives a shit resurgent resurgent yeah that's it I want to watch that for movie
fights isn't that the third part
of the Shailene Woodley
trilogy
resurgent
resurgent
yeah
it's terrible
that new
Independence Day
yeah
I
that was my review
what did we have to argue
I argued about it
on movie fights
and
I made you go see
the theater
and you said
you were the only one
yeah well
there was me
and the other guy
I was on the road with, but what's...
What did we have to fight over?
Like, which character should have died?
Or which character
we want to die the most?
What's the worst scene?
Yeah, what was the worst part of the movie?
What's the worst part of the movie for you?
Ah, shit.
I think the fact that Judd Hurst
doesn't die,
I think that was... Right, it really looks like he's about to die.
Yeah, then he's like,
ah, I just lived on the...
Bullshit.
Whatever.
I lived on the tidal wave.
Yeah.
I hated that they didn't put Will Smith in,
but then they give you the picture of him,
and then it pans to the bad little kid Will Smith
who was atrocious.
You don't want to...
Don't remind me Will Smith's not in it.
I'm going to watch it tonight.
I didn't like the character that went
up to the space orb and
everyone was
looking at it like, is it going to kill us? And he just walks
up to it and starts touching it and then
it fucking grabs his hand and it won't let him
go for a little while and you wanted
it to just kill him. The most annoying character ever.
It was very annoying.
Alright, I did a show
a couple days ago so I don't think I've seen
a movie in its entirety
since then. I watched episodes of
Portlandia on the flight back from
Washington.
Yeah. I love this.
You know, I like
to get a group of people together, like 99
people or maybe a few less than that,
and just say things that make two or three applaud at a time.
That's all right.
Because that's how niche-y entertainment has become,
is that, you know, three people love something.
Who loved the latest episode of
Walking Dead
loved it
loved it
loved it
absolutely
ah shit I haven't
seen it
I don't
it was weird
I just don't
I have not
it's just gotten
into the realm
of just being
torture
yeah they need
more zombies
watching people
get tortured
yeah it needs
to be more zombies
Negan's way
cooler than zombies.
Raise your voice.
How about Westworld?
Do you like Westworld?
I love Westworld.
The movie Westworld was one that we grew up with.
My friend had like 30 VHS movies
and Westworld was one of them.
It's a rad movie.
I wish Negan would go to Westworld
and get face fucked by Ed Harris.
I do not like Negan
at all. I mean, I get
that he's a charismatic actor and he gets good
monologues or whatever, but I'm just like
I don't like what he does. He's the best villain
they've had, for sure.
That's the worst villain.
Well,
glass is half empty. Yeah, he's the worst, best
villain. You guys need to get
quiet. Right.
You guys are interested in our conversation about Negan, and I like that.
I just think it's interesting that they got straight-up R-rated violence into a primetime television program with commercial sponsorship.
You can't say the F-word.
You can't see somebody's dick, especially if it's a lady.
You don't know which restroom she should go into.
He, sorry,
you know what I meant.
Here's the part of the show
where I say,
let the games begin!
You don't care
what movie I saw, Doug?
It was Doctor Strange.
It was good.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no!
I want to talk about that one! It was good. Oh, no. I want to talk about that one.
It was good?
Yeah, it's not the best Marvel movie,
but it's an origin story.
It's good.
Cool action sequences.
Here's a fun game.
What's your favorite Marvel movie, Kate Micucci?
That one that Wes Anderson made?
What is your favorite, Andy?
Winter Soldier. Or Iron Man. That is a good one. Wes Anderson made? What is your favorite, Andy? Winter Soldier.
Or Iron Man.
That is a good one.
Which Iron Man?
First one, definitely.
Number one?
Oh, yeah.
You thought Jeff Bridges was a compelling villain?
No, I just think it's a good movie.
Third act isn't great, but it's still a solid one.
Billing is so important for me in those.
Winter Soldier, I think, is still the best.
Okay.
Yeah, I like that.
That is a solid one
Civil War though you like that too
yeah I mean that scene in the airport
is probably the best comic book fight ever
yeah that was super neat
like a seven year old kid playing with my action figures
yeah I like that a lot too
alright
can you make a list of ones I should watch
if you think your life is alright
without watching movies made for boys,
then, you know, little boys.
I'm not talking about men.
I'm talking about children.
What about the Pixar movies?
Do you watch those?
Some of them.
Yeah.
Probably not Cars.
I didn't see Cars.
Or Cars 2.
No, I didn't see that one.
Those are bullshit.
The cars have eyes on their windshields, and nobody is inside them driving them, and they
have racing competitions.
It doesn't make any sense.
Should we see what they smell like?
No.
You steered that to cars so quickly, like you had that on your mind.
That was funny.
What?
That just got steered to cars so quickly.
I am really curious what that smells your mind. That was funny. What? That just got steered to cars so quickly. I am really curious
what that smells like. I agree
with Andy. His impulse to open it was a smart
one and I just
yelled at him for no reason.
Just like the idea.
Drakar's Noir.
Drakar's Noir. That's the last time I want to hear you
speak.
I just like the idea
of someone like...
That was a good one.
Thank you.
She just made it more valuable
because it's been used by you.
If you're like
going out on a date...
Oh, I get used by...
So I got to spray
something down my pants?
Ew.
Some guys do that, right?
Give their junk a little...
Fucking scumbags do that.
That'd be the worst thing.
Scumbags and gigolos.
I can't imagine if I were
going down on a guy and it smelled like cologne.
I'd just leave.
Or if it smelled like Cars perfume.
Cars perfume. If it smelled like anything
other than like skin, you know?
Because that means they were planning on getting a blowjob
and you can't plan on that.
All right.
I think I'm close
to opening this thing.
Jesus Christ.
I'm filling the dead air
pretty tight.
It must just be
like gasoline.
Marvel Comics University.
It must be flammable
or something
because they're really
keeping you
from getting in there.
Sorry, I suggested it.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
So I could keep picking at it
As we go on
Yeah you can do it
But then you have to
Put your microphone down
And then you don't get
To participate in
Audio entertainment
Well that was quick
See you're just
Mangling it though
Some people like to
It's bad enough
You're taking it out
To play with it
But preserve the box
I'm going to use it all
Oh
Oh no Oh my god It is not as of the box. I'm going to use it all. Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
It is not as nice a product
as I expected from that box.
It looks like hand soap.
It just looks like a small
like, you know, syrup bottle
that they
stuck a smiling
car with eyeballs on.
They should have made it like a tire or some shit.
That would have been tight.
It's his neon endurance cup.
Who's going to try it?
And it doesn't have like a safety thing on it.
I'm just going to go into the air first
and see how that goes.
Oh, there it is.
I wish you guys...
It's not bad, But it just smells like
A scent that a person
Shouldn't have
That was like Jim Carrey
In Dumb and Dumber
With the banaca
That's what you just did
It's not that bad
Let's get some in the air
It's not bad yeah
And that's what you look for
In a perfume
It doesn't smell like a car
Or air freshener
Which I thought it would
It's surprisingly like light
It's oh do not horrible It's just not. It's oh-do-not-horrible.
It's just not horrible.
That's the best I can say about it.
Rock hard as noir.
So congratulations to whoever wins that.
An especially pre-mangled box.
Can I put the lid back? Settle down.
It smells like
Ross in here now.
From friends?
Yeah. Yeah. From Friends? Yeah.
Rosses?
Ross Dress for Less?
Oh, all right.
That makes more sense.
That's not like that.
You guys didn't get that
when I first fucking said it?
We didn't all get, like,
Ross Dress for Less?
Or Gordman's or Half Price Store,
wherever you're from.
I got them all.
Deep Cut, Playboy, Deep Cut.
Gordman's?
I've got a Ross, like,
right near where I live,
and I still think of Ross
from Friends before.
I don't have a lot of money.
I definitely smell...
Yeah, I think we all
smell like cars right now.
Oh my God.
I wish my car smelled like this.
It'd be dope.
That would be dope.
All right.
It does smell like...
It's going to smell like perfume
up here the whole time.
You guys have to
get your name tags.
Oh, shit.
Well, you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back.
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all right we're back who are you playing for sean uh the pat chris i'm playing for the passion of
the chris and it's a big uh passion of the christ. And it's a big, uh, passion of the Christ poster, but that's like, I don't know why
it's been glued to cardboard.
Like, wasn't it?
I didn't know they broke his face.
It's just, yeah, it's, it's really, it's really a interesting presentation you have there,
Chris.
There's a joint taped in the mouth.
So you might want it.
Can you pop that out of there for me?
That might have something to do with the presentation.
Can you pass that down to me, Sean?
Not put it on the ground. Take the joint
off of the... No, just the joint.
Oh, wow.
It comes out. That's a nice little...
It slid right out of that thing.
Does it smell good, Dave?
It smells like good weed. It's not a spliff, right?
It's all weed, no tobacco.
What's a spliff? It's like when they put tobacco in there
with the weed.
That sounds disgusting.
I don't care for it.
Kate?
Instead of V for Vendetta,
it's K for Carly.
How quaint.
That's very polite
of you Carly
what do you got there Dave
I got
feathers
instead of heathers
oh
and I replaced
Christian Slater
in the film
and I'm feeling
good about that
and the lady's name's
feathers
oh you double checked
that with her
singular
feather my fault oh shit that would be weird to name somebody feathers name's Feathers. Oh, you double-checked that with her? Singular. Feather. My fault.
Oh, shit. That would be weird to
name someone Feathers
or Willows.
Roses. Feather is the one that
came up with your car's noir.
Oh, okay. I was looking over there
when I chastised you.
So I'm glad, because eye
contact makes everything worse.
Andy? Am I allowed to change mine?
Oh.
I think you should keep
the Twix bar
and change yours.
Well, I just thought
there'd be more detail
and there's just not.
No, they just taped
the Twix bar.
She just did an awesome
homemade Care Bear
with high dug.
I'm more impressed by that.
But there's Mace off.
Yeah, that's all they did, though.
But that's your name.
Your name is Mace?
Your name Mace?
Yeah.
Really? Your name is Mace? Really? Type.
How sad are you going to feel, Mace,
if we throw your name tag back in?
Whatever.
Oh, okay.
Let's bring that back up.
There you go.
That's a name tag.
The Karen Bears movie.
Things are going on here.
No offense, Mace. I'm sorry.
Look at this.
She really went all out.
She put Mark Wahlberg on a bear
and I'm on a bear.
A lot of weed leaves are popping out of my stomach
and chest.
Furry chest.
She's another bear hanging out over there in a cloud
with a heart on her ass.
That is... I do like the weed leaves
coming out of your stomach. Right? The whole thing.
Great job.
Man, I feel so bad for Mace.
He seems real fucked up.
He's got a free t-shirt in Street Junkies Plus.
Alright, he got a free t-shirt, I guess.
You can also have 27 dresses.
Mace, if you haven't seen it, it's a classic.
Get your hands on it.
James Marsden at his best.
Alright, let's play
a couple of games, starting with
one that I enjoy a great deal called
Purple Rain Man.
This is where I'm going to start.
I'm going to name the third billed people in this movie mashup title.
Not unlike Purple Rain Man.
It's going to be two movies that go together nicely.
And they don't fight at all.
And I'm going to start with the third billed people in these two movies.
And the order I say the people is the order of the
titles in their movies.
Hopefully that all makes sense as we proceed.
Kind of doesn't matter if it doesn't.
It's one of those games where you figure it out after you've
played it a few times.
No audience answers, please.
What mashup movie title has these two third-bill stars in it?
J.K. Simmons and Corey Stoll.
All right, moving on to the second build.
Oh wait, Andy thinks he might have an answer.
Wait, sorry.
Andy just had to take a pensive breath.
Let me give you the second build.
That might help you out.
Anna Kendrick and Michael Douglas.
So one movie has J.K. Simmons and Anna Kendrick in it.
The other one has Corey Stoll and Michael Douglas in it.
And then the top billed people in this mashup movie title are Ben Affleck and Paul Rudd.
It's so fucking quiet in here.
Because everybody knows it but you, Far.
I know part of it.
I guess it's in the game.
What's that?
Accountant.
What?
Say it.
I don't know the second one.
You don't?
I forgot who it is.
Paul Rudd, Michael Dungan.
Ant-Man.
Ant-Man accountant?
Yeah, it's Accountant Man?
That's what I was going to say.
The Accountant Man.
The Accountant Man.
The Accountant Man.
I didn't get Accountant Man.
Yeah, that's fun, right?
Did you both come up with that together?
Is that what happened?
Watching you guys struggle with that was fun.
Kate was like, I'll be over here if you need me.
The accountant, man.
The accountant, man.
All right.
The accountant, man.
We got it.
It's cool, dude. The accountant, man.
What do you mean I need to pay to get in?
No, the accountant, man.
All right, this next game is a lot simpler,
but Andy does get to go first in this one.
And we're going to play Last Man Stanton.
Done.
To two points.
So each round of this game, we take turns naming actors
as suggested by an audience member that's been preselected.
But in the second round, the person who dropped out first in the first round gets to name any actor or actress for everybody to play in the next round.
And we play until somebody has two points.
I don't get points, but I play along anyway.
You all in each round get to use one lifeline which is the person
whose name tag you chose.
You get to turn to and
ask for help.
I recommend asking them for help
early rather
than later. Before the deep cuts.
I feel like I'm a little lost but maybe I'll
catch on? I think so.
I think you're going to get it.
I think you're going to win, too.
I don't know about that, but we'll see.
Well, you know the whole thing is rigged, right?
Alright, let's go to
help us out with the first suggestion.
Where is knuckle lunch?
Knuckle lunch?
Like a knuckle sandwich?
Knuckle lunch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get it.
Why knuckle lunch?
Because I...
Is it like a knuckle sandwich reference?
Yeah, I was making a website and...
You're making a website called knuckle lunch?
Yeah.
And that's since failed and gone away?
And your Twitter name is still knuckle lunch.
Yes.
Half true.
I don't have time to explore the
missing half.
I smell a knuckle sandwich coming on.
Oh no.
I still smell cars.
Let's just
from now on why don't you just change your story
to what somebody says
knuckle lunch
say cause I'm gonna give
cause I'm about to give you
a knuckle sandwich
like just give them
a punchline
then go home
or go have a sandwich
one of these
yeah
okay so what's
what's your
what's your actual name
my name is Adam
Adam okay Adam
what's your suggestion
for Last Man Stanton
so I wanted to tie it in
Whoa, there's a story behind it?
I'm interested, Adam
I'm in there
Well, it started when I was born
a small
Then I got knuckle sandwich tattooed on my lower back
and since then it's just been movies
Bye
When I was a kid, my dad would hit me at breakfast and he'd hit me at dinner
and I used to it grew to a point where I liked it and I was like, where's my knuckle lunch?
That was so dark.
All right.
What's your suggestion?
You can give the whole story if you want.
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
It's really quick.
No, it's really quick. I want to get tied in with your sobriety month.
Oh, this is going along with my
sober month. I like that.
I like a themed answer.
Do you want to try to guess?
I don't want to try to guess.
Holy shit.
Try to guess what?
I need more information.
Oh, how the game has turned.
Finally, an audience member wants to quiz me.
We all just have red dots on our forehead.
I do want to guess, now that you mention it,
it's somebody that's sober a lot in movies?
No, somebody that's had some trouble in the past.
Had some trouble with alcohol in the past.
It's Robert Downey Jr.
No.
No.
No.
I mean, had some trouble with alcohol in the past.
Could be fucking anybody.
It's like a step through stardom is having trouble with alcohol.
Mel Gibson.
You're saying Mel Gibson?
That's it.
Okay, Mel Gibson.
Mel Gibson's had trouble with alcohol in the past?
Yeah, it gave him...
It gave him mouth diarrhea.
I think he had trouble with racism and he just drank some.
But now that he's been sober for, I think he's been sober for eight or ten years or something.
He's not racist anymore?
A while. He's been sober for a while and so, you know, since he's not drunk, he can not say racist things.
Can you say sugar tits still?
I don't know who you think that's racist.
I was always on the fence about that one.
Is sugar tits offensive to you, Kate?
Nah, he can call me that anytime.
Yeah, like it'd be much worse if it was like dirt tits.
It was a compliment.
It was a compliment. It was a compliment.
Also, I think he's about to be a dad
for the ninth time I just read.
Oh, boy.
Nine little lethal weapons
walking around?
I don't know why.
There's nothing to cover up anymore.
I don't know why I'm hiding anything from you.
Okay, so Mel Gibson is the subject,
so we'll start with Andy,
and we'll get a running start over to Kate.
We just said it, so I'm going to...
I didn't mean to do that.
You did what?
I didn't mean to...
I just said it.
Oh, okay, well...
Leave a weapon.
He's going to take it, I guess,
but let's play when I say let's start to play.
You have that on account.
It's going to go to me, then Sean,
then Kate, then Dave.
What? You just said
the title just...
I made a joke about the nine little lethal weapons
walking around.
I got it.
Well, that's what happens.
It happens when you make jokes.
What?
I got lost. Chris, I got lost.
Chris, I got lost.
Andy's going to say Lethal Weapon?
Yes, sir.
I like the way you play.
I'll say Lethal Weapon 2.
This is before every goddamn movie
had a subtitle at the end.
You gotta know the subtitle if you guess one
that's got a subtitle.
Lethal Weapon 3, look who's talking now.
I'm kidding. Lethal Weapon 3.
Kate? The Patriot.
Dave?
I don't know why that's funny.
I do.
Get the Gringo.
Get the Gringo, okay.
Andy?
Braveheart.
Braveheart.
Braveheart.
What women want.
More sugar on their tits.
more sugar on their tits.
Sean?
Wasn't there a lethal weapon for?
That's why I was laughing.
I was saving it.
I thought something you all forgot.
I can't.
When Andy didn't take it,
I was like,
well, I'm not going to be the dick to take it. Okay, lethal weapon'm not gonna be The dick to take it Okay Lethal Weapon 4
Chris and I will
Fucking take it
Lethal Weapon 4 dog
Alright Kate
What do you got
Wasn't he in
A movie called
The Beaver
Yep
He sure was
I don't believe
He played the title role
Wait it was a puppet on his hand.
A beaver puppet.
And the beaver puppet sounded like Michael Caine.
My cocaine.
You ever done that?
Oh yeah, my cocaine.
I thought Michael Caine was here for a second.
That was crazy.
My name is Michael Caine.
Go ahead, Dave.
The road warrior. Oh, Dave. The Road Warrior.
Oh, okay.
I see where we're headed now.
Mad Max.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll go with the Singing Detective.
What?
Singing or sinking?
Singing.
Singing. Like that's... Could be either, right? What? Singing or sinking? Singing Singing
Like that's
Could be either
Right?
Yeah
Yeah
Man without a face
Did you say man without a place?
The sinking man without a face
He definitely wasn't singing
Okay Kate
I feel like I'm failing here
Why?
I don't I can't think of...
Is he in the passion?
You can go to your lifeline if you want.
Go to your lifeline.
Lifeline, do you have one?
Carly?
Does Carly have something?
The films of Mel Gibson, the great Mel Gibson?
You were probably about eight when he dropped out of the business.
Is he in the passion of the Christ?
This might end my time here.
I would accept a movie that he's directed.
Then The Passion of the Christ.
I will not accept that one.
Because I do not like
torture in my entertainment.
No, I'll accept that.
Go ahead, Dave.
And that leaves it open for the other movie he directed.
I can't remember the title right now.
It's good, though.
Dave? Oh, boy. I can't either. It's good, though. Dave?
Oh, boy.
I got it.
You can go to your lifeline.
And Kate still has her lifeline.
Are you staring at my lifeline?
Feather.
Who'd you pick?
Feather? Chicken you pick Feather
Feathers
Chicken Run
whoa
of course Feather
comes up with
Chicken Run
Andy
Maverick
oh
fucking Maverick
that movie's so good
it's so good
oh it's sick it's so good sick and dope and all of it putverick. That movie's so good. It's so good. Oh, it's sick.
It's so good.
Sick and dope and all of it put on a burger.
That movie is so sick.
With extra mayo.
You.
Yeah, I was trying to get gross.
Nobody got gross.
Okay, I'll go super deep to win.
I don't know if he went full retarded on this,
but he was in a movie called Tim.
Tim. Tim.
Fact checker
on the show? Nope.
You said we can do the other one?
The corrections department weighs in a few days later.
We can do the other one he directed?
Yes. Apocalypto?
Yes, that's what it's called.
I just kept thinking
X-Tapa.
Which is a place not a
although
is Apocalypto
the name of the town
that
I don't think it was a town
is that the name
of the village
I wish they called him town
welcome to Apocalypto
I just live in a little town
called Apocalypto
right down the road
and they're all just
robot natives
that would work
yeah it would
it would be a Westworld spinoff.
Kate.
I don't,
now I'm like,
I wonder what movies
he would have auditioned for.
Like, did he audition for
Titanic or While You Were Sleeping?
Like, would he have gone up
for those movies?
I know he's not in them.
I don't know.
I don't think he goes,
I don't think he went up for things.
Yeah, they were just like,
hey.
Then, I don't know, Carly.
Do you got anything now, Carly?
You might have thought of something.
No, I'm right.
I think I'm...
All right, Kate, you're out, but that means you get to pick the actor or actress in the
next round, so you could be really devious.
Oh.
You know?
I don't know how well we all know what films you've been in, so you could name yourself
if you wanted to.
Oh, I would never do that to you.
How about...
All right, but you don't...
Not yet. We got got to finish this.
You've got to sit there and think about it.
I'm very excited about it.
Dave?
Ransom.
Yeah, of course.
Give me back my son!
Good cut.
Give me back my son, sugar chips!
He would have got his son back a lot quicker.
Right? If he just yelled
put a little sugar on it.
You're not as bad of a dad as we thought. Here's your kid.
Andy?
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
Yeah, I almost said that, but then I thought
what if I got it wrong?
What if it's Beneath Thunderdome?
Damn it.
So instead, I'm going to go with
a much easier title to say and remember.
Gallipoli.
Now, I don't want this to be the same answer that I'm sitting on, Chris.
You're going to have to look at me and know what I'm thinking of.
So I'm going to go.
He's got nothing.
I had Thunderdome. Well, that's not and know what I'm thinking of. So I'm going to go. He's got nothing.
Well, that's not the fucking answer I'm sitting on, Chris.
All right, so you got to just go without him there, Sean.
The payback?
Or payback?
I'll accept payback. You want to ride?
No, just payback, yeah.
You and I, Chris.
All right.
Oh, he's got one now.
Was that cheating?
Both of you settle down.
I already went to him, though.
I can't go to him again, can I?
I mean, he didn't have anything.
All right.
I've never had my lifeline not have anything, actually.
Okay.
That's why I say go to him early.
Dave?
Machete 2?
Oh. Machete 2? I think there's more to it than just Machete 2.
Do you know the other words?
Machete kills?
I think that's correct.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
At least he said Machete.
Right?
In that movie, though, half the time they say machete
and half the time they say machete.
It's not character-based.
Seems like the whiter somebody is in the movie,
the more they say machete.
They just want to fit in.
Yeah, right?
What else we got
is it me
yeah
I have four
I'm just trying to
oh
yeah
pickups
pick strategically
braggart
I'm gonna go
with
burning a wire
oh
that was
you guys got mad
all of a sudden.
Oh, okay.
In that case, I'll stay in the same vein.
Conspiracy theory.
Ooh.
It would pain somebody.
Chris, throw it at me, dude.
It was bird on a wire.
Oh, he thought of bird on a wire.
Easy to say, Chris.
Easy to say.
Yep.
I see you're playing
the whole time.
Conspiracy two?
Conspiracy two.
It's not even a theory
that time.
It's life or death
up here, Chris.
It's another conspiracy
that's real.
There's nothing
to joke around about.
All right, so you're out, Sean.
Yeah, I'm out.
But you'll be back
in the next round.
Dave?
Forever Young?
Oh, you son of a bitch.
I was sitting on that one.
With Jamie Lee Curtis.
That's right.
My turn?
Yes, please.
Expendables 3.
Of course.
I love the opinions.
It was the right answer. We should all be stoked.
It was the right answer.
Yeah.
You never know what people are should all be stoked. It was the right answer. Yeah. It's, you know,
you never know what people
are going to be stoked by.
Some people enjoyed
Burt Reynolds in Stoker Ace.
Sure.
Me, not so much.
For Mel Gibson,
I am going to say
The Year of Living Dangerously.
Never heard of it.
Surprising
no one. Yeah. Linda Hunt won
Best Supporting Actress for her role
as a man.
Never heard of her.
Never heard of her.
Or never...
Oh yeah.
I wish she was in Maverick. I wish I was in Maverick.
I wish I was in Maverick. But she's in Silverado. Dave?
I'm fucking toast.
You did good, though, dude.
Andy?
Pocahontas.
Oh, my God.
Like the real one, huh?
John Smith, brother
Poke a fucking harness
God damn it
That movie
Those songs are
I don't know that that movie holds up now
Just around the riverbed
That's a good one
I hear the wolf cry to the blue horn moon
I just remembered that I need to pick up
some paper towels on the way home
The bounty
Oh shit
Well if directing
counts, Hacksaw Ridge
which just came out
Oh, doesn't count
God damn it, I thought I was
so excited about it.
You still have a couple more?
Oh, my God.
This is really tough.
It's not tough if you're out.
No, you can just sit there and just relax.
It's so creepy. There's so many people in in here and you can hear someone breathing
I might have to call it
I know there's some good ones out there still
but it's just
it's getting harder and harder each day to picture his face
and the things that he says and does But it's just, it's getting harder and harder each day to picture his face.
And the things that he says and does in motion pictures.
He should have been in Tequila Sunrise, but he isn't.
I give up. Andy?
I don't have any. I was sucking you out.
Okay, but audience,
we missed something, right?
Signs!
Signs! It's always a huge one.
Fucking signs.
We are soldiers, not so much. What?
Air America.
With Robert Downey Jr.
What? Welcome to the Tombstones. What?
Welcome,
what'd you say?
Welcome to
the Tombstones?
A walk among
the Tombstones?
It was not
that Liam Neeson.
Oh shit.
Oh shit.
Well in that
case,
the gray
taken,
taken two,
taken three.
I hope she didn't pick Liam Neeson.
All right, so Andy's on the board with one point.
And we got plenty of time to make this happen for somebody else to catch up and win.
Kate, you get to start us off.
I was going to say Sandra Bullock.
Okay, but what are I was going to say Sandra Bullock. Okay, but what are you
really going to say?
Sandra Bullock.
We just did Sandra Bullock
in the very last episode
of the show.
So I would be too good at it.
No, I'm going to recuse myself
because it's fun to play again
to see what ones
you guys think of.
So I'll sit this one out
because I really just did it yesterday.
That's nuts.
Or two days ago.
Okay.
We can do a different one.
No, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
Our brand is Crisis.
So you'll go first
and then what was the order last time?
We'll switch the order around.
Which way is it going?
So then it goes to Sean and Andy
and Dave. Go! Sandra Bullock.
Speed.
Good one.
Sean?
Miss Congeniality.
What's so goddamn funny?
It's a classic movie.
Just to me, Miss Congeniality
just sounds like one word and it sounds like
a very bad thing that could happen to your body.
I was accused of miscongeniality.
Oh, my God.
I started congealing, and then they diagnosed me with full congeniality.
Andy?
Speed two, cruise control.
Okay.
Just a fun thing to say.
Yeah, it's just
he's always going to go for the show-off
the answers. I can feel it.
Hope floats.
I'm pretty sure we didn't say that one on Saturday.
Kate?
Demolition Man.
I think you're going to be formidable
in this one. You sound confident.
Sean? While You Were Sleeping?
Oh, yeah. Isn't that your favorite movie?
That is my favorite movie.
I thought you were going to take it just then, and I got real bummed out.
Oh, no. I liked that movie better
if Mel Gibson was in it.
Andy?
The Heat.
The Heat.
The Heat. The Heat. The Net.
Same thing.
Kate?
She was in Drive, right?
Well, you can't, first of all.
And you can't, secondly.
No, don't ask me.
Drive.
Be sure to use your lifeline.
Drive. Use your lifeline. Try your lifeline. be sure to use your lifeline drive
use your lifeline
try your lifeline
Sandra Bullock
and drive
lifeline
Carly
no you don't know
maybe I'll just
switch it up
and say a different movie
I'd recommend that
wait no it wasn't
wait
shoot
I'm getting movies
mixed up
I think you are
yeah no
it was the other one
Crash
Crash is correct.
And please, everyone, tonight, when you go home,
when you drive, don't crash.
That was just a public service announcement, that's all.
Sean.
Forces of nature.
Yeah.
Now I'm laughing because someone else is laughing.
Andy.
Miss Congeniality 2.
Full title.
Cruise control.
Armed and fabulous?
I think so, yeah.
Fucking rad.
Nobody's ever said those words
with a question like that at the end.
Armed and fabulous?
You are, sugar.
Tits.
Dave?
Lifeline.
Okay, Lifeline.
Feathers got one.
Love potion number nine.
Love potion number nine.
Do you agree with that, Dave?
Sure, why not?
Yeah, why not indeed.
Oh, shit.
Isn't that right?
Yeah, that's right.
All right.
You faked me out.
I'm just going to say it confidently.
Adam and Steve.
Kate.
What if that movie were
like a play on the title
of another movie
right
yeah I think so
oh it's a different
title
what if like what if the Steve
part was the only part that was right
what would you change it to then?
That's funny.
Midnight in the Garden of Good and
Steve-O.
That should count.
I think we're going to have to... We should... We'll do an episode of P think we're gonna have to we should
we'll do an episode
of Pitch Off
where people have to pitch
a sequel to
that other one
but the
cause that's the perfect
title for it
Midnight in the Garden
of Good and Stevil
Sean
should I say what that is?
the actual title?
if you you know play how you want to play can I? Sean Should I say what that is? The actual title? If you
You know
Play how you want to play
Can I?
I said play how you want to play
Wow
Wow
All about Steve
Yes
Yeah
You know
I think you were proving my point from earlier
That you should think twice
Yeah I just thought he was that you should think twice.
Yeah.
I just thought he was saying don't think twice in that song. I really did.
Do think twice.
I just learned that. I didn't want to say it.
And I marinated on it for 15 minutes.
He also says the kid is not my son.
A lot of people think he's saying chair.
The chair? A lot of people need to
stop huffing Freon before they listen to Billie Jean.
That's bananas.
There was a bit on David Letterman when he was on
at 1230 on NBC and he
goes, people don't
understand. Like somebody wrote into the mail
bag or whatever. They said, what is
Michael Jackson saying in that one line when he
says the kid is not my son?
And they go,
we've got the tape set up
so you'll understand what he's saying.
And they just have the one old guy on the crew.
When it comes to that word, just go, chair.
Just very loudly and clearly and not singing it.
It was so fucking funny.
I'll never forget it.
So whenever I hear Billie Jean, I always just sing that
to myself.
The chair
is not my side.
Alright.
Andy?
The Blind Side.
The Blind Side, yes.
You won an Oscar for that.
I watched that twice in one day on Thanksgiving
with a broken foot in Madison, Wisconsin one time.
If you could give us a short story
about every title...
I bet I can.
I'd appreciate it.
Dave?
The Proposal.
Fuck you, dude.
Okay, Kate?
Minions 2?
Nobody knows.
How did you know that?
I just...
Not the proper title.
Uh-uh, it's not the right title.
Oh, it's not the right title?
Well, say it slower.
Minions...
Stop.
Correct.
Minions Chair.
Minions was a spinooff of the Despicable Me movies
and she was the bad girl.
She was the villain in Minions.
Oh, okay.
There hasn't been a second Minions.
I got it.
Oh, there will be.
I have a feeling you're going to say no, Chris,
and that's not what I want to hear.
You got one?
What do you got?
Gravity.
Oh, dog, gravity.
Gravity, holy shit. Gravity. Gravity. Holy shit.
Gravity.
What are we, a bunch of stupids?
Not Chris.
Andy.
The lake house?
Mm-hmm.
What was that about?
Oh, the lake house?
It was pretty awesome.
She and Keanu Reeves lived in the same house two years apart, but they
could send each other mail.
Through magic? I don't know.
I mean, I think that
she's been able to use magic
in other movies, but
in Lakehouse, it doesn't seem
like
it's very...
What she does doesn't seem like, uh, it's very, what she does doesn't seem practical.
Don't worry, he's not going to figure it out.
Um, so.
It looks like he's thinking.
You already, you already used your lifeline.
So you got anything?
Practical magic?
Yeah, that's correct!
Kate? I think I have to use my lifeline.
Oh, really? I don't think she might have
something.
Wasn't she in that rehab maybe like
28 days or something like that?
28 days. That's correct!
Yeah, Carly, thank you!
Sean? 28 days. That's correct. Yeah, Carly, thank you. Sean.
28 days later.
Remember that where she thumbed that guy's eye in?
Because she wanted a bottle and he wouldn't give it to her,
so she's like thumbing his eyes in.
Yep, I was sick and it was dope.
It was what?
Nothing.
It was what?
You have to give me the same shot. It was what? It was sick and it was dope. It was what? Nothing. It was what? You have to give me the same shot.
It was sick and it was dope.
That's not a fucking Sandra Bullock
movie. It was also Buck.
Go.
Do you have an answer? No, I don't.
Did you use your lifeline already? I did.
Oh, okay, you're out.
Andy.
No one said it as a title, but you did it as a cheat.
Our brand is Crisis. Crisis yeah that's correct
I threw it out there
and nobody took it
you're supposed to
signal me Chris
Dave
there's gotta be
something like
other romantic comedy
one
should get romantic
and comedic
for sure
she's not old enough to be like a steel magnolia, right?
Enough of this.
Enough of this throwing things at the wall.
Are her tomatoes fried green?
Yeah, that's Julia Roberts.
No, it is not.
Julia Roberts is steel magnolias.
And then who's in, is she a fried green tomato?
Mary Louise Parker and Candy Bates.
Okay, settle down.
Chick flick lover.
Reindeer Games, maybe?
That's Charlize.
Yeah, not bad. You're naming some
bangers. Yeah.
Sleepless in Seattle.
While you were
sleepless in Seattle? Yeah.
Okay, you're out.
I think I might're out. Kate.
I think I might be out.
There's a movie that she did with
River Phoenix and Samantha Mathis
and I can't think of the name.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
What was it called?
I have no idea.
It was like they were country singers.
Something about a thing.
A thing called love.
That's right.
Andy?
Fire on the Amazon.
Whoa!
That was like from her past.
Oh my God.
She shows her boobs.
Yeah, that was...
That's the only reason I know that title at all.
I never sat through that movie.
You got another one there, Kate?
Oh, man.
Only in my dreams when they make While You Were Sleeping 2.
I really don't know.
I think I'm out.
That was a good run, though.
Andy's got more.
I remembered one.
I don't.
That's really it?
Yeah.
What about the one Two Weeks Notice?
Hugh Grant. Yeah. Was she in Two Weeks Notice? Hugh Grant.
Yeah.
Was she in more than one thing with Hugh Grant?
Oh, wait.
There's the McConaughey movie, Time to Kill.
Time to Kill.
Shit.
Yeah, and she was in that Murder by Degrees with Ryan Gosling.
Murder by Numbers.
Numbers, Murder by Numbers.
I love that movie with Michael Pitt and Ryan Gosling. Michael Pitt, yeah. Numbers. Murder by Numbers. I love that movie
with Michael Pitt
and Ryan Gosling.
Michael Pitt, yeah.
What else did we miss?
Two If By Sea.
Two If By Sea
was a controversial one
from the last episode.
Two By Sea.
Two By Sea.
No, was she in Heather's?
It's Two If By Sea,
isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Okay.
We called it Two By Sea.
All right.
Sounds like a rap song.
Well, Andy, you did it.
Andy Signore is our winner tonight.
So, yeah.
So you get all this stuff,
Karen,
to go with your big name tag.
You won big, big prizes.
Are you going to be able to handle all this stuff?
Do you have people who can help you?
I can.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
The doctor is here, yeah.
He's dressed like a doctor.
Come and get it.
He most likely beat a doctor.
Oh, shit, you do have scrubs on, don't you?
I got you.
Oh, and we should say that Andy brought all his stuff
in one of the big fun Comic-Con
bags that people... I never have a use for it until today.
Yeah, it's really a big
bag. You just... Everybody's
walking around with them strapped on their backs at
Comic-Con, so it's kind of an interesting look.
But congratulations, Karen.
Good job.
There's still a
Twix bar up for grabs.
Give some candy to Mace for me.
What?
Give some candy to Mace for me.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
27 dresses.
You guys want to fight over it?
Because that's still loose.
Yeah.
You want to grab that?
Get that, Mace.
Sean, want to do some plugs?
What do you got to promote yourself?
I will be in...
I actually have some stuff.
I'll be in Boise at Liquid Laughs,
November 17th through the 20th.
Look at this fucking complicated contraption.
Oh, no.
Looks like something the Wright brothers did early on.
It does.
And there's no shitheads on the back.
And there's no shithead on the back,
but he remembered to put a joint on the front
coming out of the Christ's mouth.
Oh, Chris.
Who do you want for shithead?
Stay quiet.
Traffic.
Huh?
Traffic.
Okay.
The band?
It's a good one, yeah.
I'll be in Boise Liquid Laughs
November 17th through 21st
and a show in Portland
at Secret Society
on December 9th
and then headlining
Wackos with a Z
in Sioux Falls, South Dakota
December 22nd, 23rd.
This one doesn't have a name
on the back either. Maybe my
plug should be both. Carly?
Where is she at? Oh, that's
you. Who do you want me to call a shithead?
I don't know.
Everybody's just in a great mood.
They're not mad at anything.
You don't got any beef, Carly?
No one done your own? I'll say the one that he said.
I'll say it for her, too.
I'll say it twice.
Now, this is a good one.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
It's a real good one.
Yeah, all right.
Good job, Feather.
Woo!
Kate, what's coming up for you?
What can you promote?
Saturday, Ricky and I will be at Festival Supreme.
It's a really great lineup.
Oh, right here in Los Angeles.
That's right.
Always a powerful lineup there,
put together by Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D
and Sarah Silverman and lots of other folks.
Yeah, Flight of the Conchords.
You had a very eventful time there.
The very first Festival Supreme,
you had to vamp while the sound wasn't working at all.
You were there.
Yeah, that was a...
Yeah, it felt like forever, but it was probably. You were there. Yeah. That was a, yeah.
It felt like forever, but it was probably all of 15 minutes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was long enough.
Yeah.
You had to stand there and deal with it, but it went okay after that.
Yeah.
I think they only wanted us to play one song after that.
We were like, we didn't get to do our set.
And then they let us play more.
Yeah.
Smart move on their part.
We'll sound check again this time.
They don't need a goddamn riot on their hands. Not on the pier. Yeah. Smart move on their part. We'll sound check again this time. They don't need a goddamn riot on their hands.
Not on the pier.
Yeah.
Dave?
Hey, what's up?
Dave Wade, everybody.
All right. All right.
I'll be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase
October 27th through the 29th.
And then...
Yeah, there you go. The doctor might be there, I guess. October 27th through the 29th and then alright the doctor
might be there
I guess
and then
on Halloween
October 31st
my new album
Dead Weight
comes out
yeah
it's like a pun
I don't know
I don't understand
it's spooky
I don't know
it's spooky
so that's why
the album's out on Halloween?
The cover is, I guess.
Yeah, okay.
I get real on it, I guess.
No, I talk about titties.
There's some, whatever.
It's funny, I guess.
It's a good sales pitch, right?
Yeah, buy my new album, it's funny, I guess.
Gonna talk
about titties.
I'm in. Andy,
what's going on over at Screen Junkies
that you can tell us about? Roaster, Rick Grimes is up right now. If you're a
Walking Dead fan, check that out. Roast of
Captain America, also on Plus, and a pitch off.
All this amazing stuff we're doing.
So, ScreenJunkies.com, promo code
Doug at checkout, and check it out there.
Thank you for doing this.
Thank you, sir.
So happy to have you here.
One more time for all my guests,
Sean Jordan, Kate Micucci, Dave Wade,
Andy Signore.
Apologies to whatever's on
after this show here at UCB
on this Tuesday evening.
And as always, traffic is a
shithead, traffic is a shithead,
and Scott Baio is a shithead, traffic is a shithead, and Scott Baio is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes unfold, his viewing prowess makes him foggy.
There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies.