Doug Loves Movies - Anna Kendrick, Dana Gould, Illeana Douglas, and Brent Weinbach Guest
Episode Date: November 29, 2012Doug welcomes actors Anna Kendrick and Illeana Douglas to the show, along with comedians Dana Gould and Brent Weinbach.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy N...otice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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All right, it wasn't me that was late on that one.
If you just leave me in the darkness, I can't start.
It sounds like I'm being a slow stoner.
Hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies, as you know,
coming to you from the Upright
Citizens Brigade Theater before the final
Comedy Bang Bang
sniffle on
November 27th to Oceans 12.
Comedy Bang Bang, of course,
will live on as a podcast and a
TV series over there on IFC
and Hot Saucerman says that he's going to try to do
road performances and special
LA shows. Those aren't
out of the question.
Thanks for
I don't know how many years.
Thanks for a certain number
of great years. I guess it's been about five or six
years, right? Ten years?
But how long have I been doing
Doug Lo's movies before Comedy Bang Bang? Four years? But how long have I been doing Douglows movies before
Comedy Bang Bang? Four years. Okay so thanks for a great ten years overall and
a great four years for just being the show that follows me because that's why
you guys are here. Goodbye, Comedy Bang Bang,
formerly Comedy Death Ray,
formerly Not A Thing.
And then the fate of this weekly show here,
Douglas Movies Tapings,
I'll make an announcement about that
sometime in the next couple weeks.
Since last I spoke and you listened,
I flew home from
New York City and
on the plane, Jackie Weaver
from Silver Linings Playbook.
Yeah. So with
an Academy Award nominated actress on the plane,
I definitely would have gotten second billing
on that
in that article
about the crash.
This has been another installment
of Plane Droppers.
San Francisco friends!
Pete Laser Accuracy
Holmes is taping an episode
of his weird podcast
Sunday night, December
2 with special
guest Kyle Kinane and a few other
surprises at Cobb's
Comedy Club. And that sounds
like fun to me. Now it's time
for Tweet Relief Tweets About Movies.
Past and future guest Patton
Oswalt tweeted,
Abe Lincoln will return
in Appomatto Pussy.
This has been
Tweet Relief Tweets
About Movies.
Maybe it's funnier to look at it than to say it out loud.
But I really enjoyed that.
I'm excited to be doing a Douglas Movies taping
in one of my favorite movie theaters in one of my favorite cities.
December 7th, Douglas Movies comes to the Drafthouse Ritz
in Austin, Texas at 4.20.
And from the corrections department,
Jamie Gertz was in Solar Babies.
You guys haven't even heard this episode yet.
It was recorded last night, and it's already out.
I've already heard about it.
It's Solar Babies, not Roller Babies.
Yeah.
I'm going to get home later tonight.
My Twitter feed's going to be blown up with that shit.
People get angry.
Let's look at the prize bag, you guys.
I think I...
Did I accidentally leave one of the bags backstage?
I might have.
It was a double bag situation.
I only brought one of them out.
So we'll have to hopefully...
Go get it, man.
There's a guy in the audience.
That guy's never spoken up
for anything in his entire life.
He finally found something
that he felt very strongly about.
Hey, just go get it, man.
How hard could that be, dude?
All right, we'll explain these.
There's some shirts in here.
I'll explain those later.
We got from my friends at A Special Thing Records.
I've got a Special Thing Records T-shirt.
And from I don't know where, somebody gave me this.
I got a nice grinder.
And some Douglas Movies button, Douglas Movies T-shirt,
Bill Hicks CD.
Yes. So he might be here tonight. And another CD I'll show
you once he gets out here, and hopefully the other bag will come out with one of the guests.
We got four really good ones. Please welcome Dana Gould, Brent Weinbach, Ileana Douglas and Anna Kendrick in no particular order
I left the bag backstage
I left your bag backstage
would you mind?
hey just go get it
oh shit yeah let her through Would you mind? Hey, just go get it. Oh, shit.
Yeah, let her through.
Let her through.
Oh, my God.
Sounds like we put her in a very sour mood right away.
She needs to be near the end
because she's just a little sprite,
and if there's a fire or earthquake,
she'll be the first one snapped.
That's right, Dana Gould.
You tower over her.
Here we go. This is a nicer bag than the first one snapped. That's right, Dana Gould. You tower over her. Here we go.
This is a nicer bag than the one I brought.
And Anna brought...
It's a little notebook-y thing.
Like a paranormal notebook.
That's stupid.
I'm the worst.
I'm going to go.
That's stupid.
I'm the worst.
I'm going to go.
That is the saddest
haiku ever written
you brought a copy
of a George Clooney film
yeah
yeah
it's Leathernecks
everybody
shut up
I
yeah
I forgot about
the gift thing
until Doug just
reminded me
like
up in the air
10 minutes ago
people forget sometimes
so I
it's the one on
blu-ray for the person who wins it,
and then the DVD for your mom who doesn't have a Blu-ray player for Christmas.
For Christmas.
If you're too lazy to buy her a gift, she actually wants.
Yeah.
Great, great movie.
And holy crap, two movies you were in this year.
I loved both of them, End of Watch and Perfect Pitch.
It's Pitch Perfect, you bastard.
I wanted to screw it up even more than that.
I want to say End of Pitch and Perfect Watch.
Fever Pitch.
Perfect Watch.
You love Pitch Perfect.
It's your favorite movie.
Did you text me about Pitch Perfect?
I probably did, yeah.
I feel like you did.
I probably did.
I couldn't help myself.
You loved it.
I enjoyed it so much, yeah.
That part where you do the song with the cups. I probably did. I couldn't help myself. I enjoyed it so much. You loved it. It's your favorite movie.
Do the song with the cups?
I'm amazing.
Alright.
I know. It's pretty
good, yeah. That's the thing about in that
scene, you have to blow everybody away
and so, and then you do. Yeah, I just knew how to
do that. How did they know to put that in the
script? They put it in the movie.
No, I knew how to do that and they saw that and they were like, oh, that should be your audition song. Before it was like, put that in the script? They put it in the movie. No, I knew how to do that, and they saw that,
and they were like, oh, that should be your audition song.
Before, it was like, in the script,
it was something weird, like,
I'm a little teacup or something,
but it was supposed to be funny and awkward,
and I think then it changed into a scene
where I was supposed to be pretty good.
Yeah, very good.
Thanks, man.
Brett Weinbach is here everybody
you love that movie right Brett
I love that movie or I love Doug movies
what's that
I love Doug loves movies
or I love that movie
that movie
the one we were just talking about
yeah I loved it it was great the cup song
it was the best it was amazing
your sincerity is staggering
no this is how I am this is me being genuine I like it It was great. The cup song was the best. It was amazing. My favorite part. Your sincerity is staggering.
No, this is how I am. This is me being genuine.
I like it.
Yeah, unfortunately.
I'm being totally serious right now.
And then Ileana Douglas is here.
She's already playing that game of putting me in suspense about whether or not she's going to use the microphone.
Oh, sorry.
There you go.
Is the work on?
Yeah.
You don't have to use microphones very often, do you?
Now I can speak loudly.
Theater training, you know.
It's like a master class.
It's like an actor's studio. Why don't we do that instead? What do you mean? Just have a master class It's like an actor's studio
Why don't we do that instead?
What do you mean?
Just have a master class with Ileana
Well first of all her face has healed nicely
after Robert De Niro bit part of it off
I was going to ask that
That is like the gnarliest fucking scene
in the history of everything
You won best cheek bite that year at the MTV Movie Awards
I did, I did.
I did.
I was disappointed
I didn't get to pick that up.
Was he scary
working on that movie
with him?
Because he's so committed,
right?
So, Cape Fear,
if anybody...
We did Three Stooges
in between takes
to lighten the mood.
So he got right out of it.
Yes.
But he still looked like that.
Yeah.
Still had that greasy hair.
Still had tattoos.
Yeah, yeah.
I like when he's watching Problem Child.
That's the movie.
That's what's on TV?
No, when he's in the movie theater.
Oh, he's in the theater
when he's laughing too loud.
He's watching, yeah.
Yeah, why is Nick Nolte and Jessica,
why would they go to see Problem Child?
We're gonna go see Problem Child.
Goddamn Problem Child.
Guys, he's just misunderstood.
That's not a Problem Child.
Not every child's cute.
Problem Child.
And that's Dana Gould with the dueling Nick Nolte's, everybody.
Yes, yes. Nick Nolte's everybody. Yes.
Yes.
My Nick Nolte is just
him talking in Prince of Tides.
That's how the whole thing
starts from there because it's just
Jesus Barbara.
And then you're off.
So Dana
you brought the Bill Hicks.
I did.
I brought Bill Hicks' CD because I did not stop off at home.
I came from something extremely important.
And I didn't stop off at home to get one of the several hundred thousand unsold CDs of mine.
But I did know Bill,
and he's not going to be signing anything
for a long time,
so I thought I'd sign this in his stead,
and if you did know Bill,
you would know he would find that funny,
and if you groaned, you're a pussy.
I think I said something similar earlier,
so that was part of the groan,
was like, we've already heard that.
Oh, boy.
No? I don't know. That might have been
when I was tinkling. Yeah.
Do you have that thing?
That having to
pee a lot thing?
No, uh, no.
A ginormous prostate?
No, I have a bladder the size
of a Mentos, and
I want to do well.
And that means being as light as I can on the stage.
I like it.
Did you sign his name or your name?
I signed my name.
I'm not going to sign Bill's name.
I'm not that craven.
But a funny little known fact,
Elvis Costello has to pee three times
before he goes on stage.
Wow.
Like go in there and pee
and then walk out
and turn around
and go right back in.
What if he can't do it
the third time?
Does he need to drink
more water to do it?
No, you do it.
What is that called?
Was that called being OCP?
I think it is.
I think it is.
Brent Weinbrock brought his CD
called Mostly Live.
I'm going to sign that as well.
Sure, yeah.
Please.
And Ileana brought some, what did you bring?
Two things.
Oh, here they are.
The food's backstage.
I know.
How long is she going to go without mentioning it?
Yeah, yeah.
She brought cornbread for the backstage tonight.
But also for, you know, whoever wins.
Oh, the winner gets to come back and have some cornbread?
Sure.
Why not?
It'll be like, come eat cornbread with Brent Weinbach.
Yeah.
Because everyone else is going to be long gone.
Yes.
There's nothing like movie trivia
and Ileana Douglas' cornbread.
Are you going to feed it to them?
No.
I think that should be part of the deal.
They should bite it off your cheek.
You should put a little piece on your cheek
and they come around from behind.
The winner has to put grease in their hair.
It's an Ikea shirt.
This is like a real employee shirt?
It's a real employee shirt, because, you know,
I play
an Ikea co-worker
on my show, Easy to Assemble.
People love it.
It's on the internet.
And it's season four.
Season four. We're on Daily Motion.
This way up?
Oh, this side up.
This side up.
But that is a genuine,
we get asked for them all the time,
Ikea shirt.
And Ikea's changing their shirts.
So that's going to be one of a kind.
That's going to be a one of a kind.
And it's also in an Ikea bag,
which is called a lingo.
But we don't know why that's called that.
They also have those giant oversized bags in case you want to buy like a box spring and just throw it in a bag. And it's also in an Ikea bag, which is called the Lingo, but we don't know why that's called that.
They also have those giant oversized bags in case you want to buy like a box spring
and just throw it in a bag.
Yes.
I love those.
I love those.
So where can people see the Easy to Assemble?
Yeah, they can.
If you have an iPhone, it's an iPhone app.
It's on YouTube, Easy to Assemble.
But we're sending everyone to Dailymotion because we're doing really, really well there.
So sending many people there.
So it's just dailymotion.com and then search around for Easy to Assemble.
And then search for Easy to Assemble.
Yeah, we should be there.
But, yeah, we're doing really well there.
Blip.
We're on a bunch of other sites.
But Dailymotion is doing a real nice big promotion for us on the front page.
So sending everyone there
now is it easy e-s uh e-a-s-y or e-z oh easy e-a-s-y so the proper spelling of easy yes
no because it was laugh people don't know if it's l-a-u-g-h or if it's l-a-f-f the comedy spelling
of laugh right and when you perform at a club that has
L-A-F-F in the title of the club
you know that illiteracy will be
a thread of the evening.
When do you use night?
N-I-T-E.
That if it's going to be
a fun viewing experience.
That's actually
grammatically acceptable.
That's the fun spelling.
Yeah, it's actually grammatically acceptable if it's like,
Kojak Night!
And it's just gonna be an IT.
It's such a time saver.
Especially when you're texting.
Have you had time to go to the cinema lately, Anna?
I, after years of trying to do this actually,
I finally had my first
completely
alone in a theater experience
yeah
because usually there's always some
fucker who comes in like right before
like during the trailers
like it's not my own private screening
that I didn't pay for
yeah I mean so I saw
the master at the Arclight all by myself,
which was very cool.
How do you know if you liked it or not?
I know.
I was on such a high from...
How do you know if it's supposed to be funny ever?
Did you laugh?
Did you sit there in your seat laughing at parts of it?
No, I mean, I was pretty euphoric about the being alone part.
I did text a bunch of people during the trailers,
like, no one's going to yell
at me. You didn't have the telltale
murmur of hipster approval to tell you the parts
of the movie you liked. Yeah, that's true.
That's why I'm avoiding answering the question.
Right. Yeah.
It's a puzzling movie. I like the part
of the movie where there was conflict in the story.
There's two guys I only do an impression
of how he stares
There's two guys
and they get along
and then there's a list
of names of people
who worked on the movie
They do get along
quite well
They always seem like
they should be at odds
with each other
but they kind of get along Yeah, conflict was the root of all drama.
That's what I thought.
Wrong!
It's not.
It's randomly naked old ladies.
I was thrown by the slow boat to China.
It was that and some older naked people that I never approve of.
It's like, I don't like to look at turkeys
when they're uncooked.
And I don't like,
I don't like naked old people.
I don't,
that includes myself.
Do you like watching a dude
fuck sand?
Or attempt to, I guess.
Yeah. It wasn't to completion I guess. Yeah.
It wasn't to completion.
No.
Because the rest of the gang
found it odd
and stopped him.
It was all a feast for the eyes.
But there was that one old lady
that was like,
dear God,
and my wife was like,
oh, she's got a nice body.
And I was just like,
shut up.
Throw up in your candy salad.
You might have liked it more
if you got a private screening.
How in a private screening
of just the loop of that woman
getting out of the tub in The Shining?
Two hours of that
to the soundtrack of Louis Armstrong
singing What a Wonderful World.
Brent.
Movies.
I saw some movies in the movie theater recently.
Yeah.
Flight.
Yeah, right.
Lincoln.
I didn't like them.
Either of them?
I don't want to say anything negative in public.
No comment, actually.
I don't want to talk crap about movies.
If it wasn't for the latter movie,
that guy couldn't have been the star of the first movie.
You think if you...
Sorry, did I set off a truth bomb?
You think you talk shit about Lincoln
that you might not get cast in Lincoln 2?
Right, yeah.
It's somebody's art, you know?
The 13th Amendment is somebody's art.
I don't want to talk crap about that.
I didn't dislike the movie. I disliked the 13th Amendment is somebody's art. I don't want to talk crap about that. I didn't dislike the movie.
I disliked the 13th Amendment.
Really is.
But I don't want to talk about that movie.
That's a huge villain in that movie.
That damn amendment.
And all the subjects.
I saw the comedy.
Not funny.
There's some funny parts, I guess. But not a comedy. It's see that? Not funny. I mean, funny.
There's some funny parts, I guess.
Yeah, but not a comedy.
No, no, it's serious.
Yeah, it's a serious movie.
Not really a comedy.
It's an ironic title, I guess.
What I noticed watching it was that he's always starting shit with people.
Yeah.
And he's always in situations where something bad seems like it's about to happen.
Right.
Quite often.
And in my estimation, looking back on it,
every scene ends without the conflict actually being resolved
and just moves on to the next scene.
Yeah.
It's like, he's kind of like Larry David with even less consequences.
The character.
Yeah, there was no stakes, I guess, for him.
No stakes.
He just fucks with people.
It's not an argument.
He's just fucking with them.
See, that's actually the problem. Okay, here's the thing.
I like comedy.
You don't want to say it. I found it interesting.
Okay, yeah, right. That's what I should have said
about Flight and Lincoln.
I found it interesting.
No, but I...
It could have been a funny movie, though.
Well, I mean, yeah.
I mean, it was... I just...
I enjoyed watching Tim Heidegger. I thought he was just really... He's great. He's just, you know, really... Whether it was, I just, I enjoyed watching Tim Heidegger.
I thought he was just really.
He's great.
He's just, you know, really, whether it was serious or comedic, he's really fun and enjoyable to watch.
He's very good.
His nuances are really fun to watch.
Yeah.
That stomach, I can't get enough of it.
And then.
I hope he gained weight for that one.
The thing with the stakes in flight were really low, too, I thought.
And so if the stakes were, but I don't know if there were
more, I guess, maybe if
Denzel Washington was messing with more people,
I would have enjoyed it more.
Or something.
You wanted more of a training day, Denzel Washington.
I wanted more of a
Save house.
I think I wanted more of like a
glory.
A Denzel Washington from glory.
Then I would have felt better about
lincoln okay i'm gonna take away a point for that but before we've even started playing but real
quick the um i did see a movie that i really liked that came out last year that was an oscar
sweeper and i hadn't had a chance to see it until about a week ago the artist loved it best movie I've seen since High School Musical 3
and I'm not kidding
that was fun
Ileana
it was
I meant it
I've been seeing the films of Jean-Luc Godard
is that
is that not is that not apropos?
Cartoon snoring.
I liked it.
King Vidor.
You mean where?
Like at home?
Yeah, I never go out.
No.
Yeah.
Is it timely movies?
I like when you sit out to the cinema.
What do you actually get up and go and see?
I try to see everything that's out.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I do.
Okay.
So what's the last one you saw?
Medea's Witness Protection.
Which Medea?
Which Medea? Which Medea?
No, no.
Or did you just look at that and say,
good afternoon, I'm not going to see this.
I mean, like, I've tried to,
I haven't seen some of the big ones,
but yeah, I've been seeing some of the different movies.
I mean, name them.
Bernie?
Any of the ones we just mentioned.
Oh, yeah, Bernie. That's up for some Oscars. Perks of a Wallflower. like Bertie I just saw Bertie I saw oh yeah Bertie
that's up for some Oscars
I saw
Perks of a Wallflower
I wasn't
so keen on that
Arbitrage
Richard Gere
how's that arbitrage
well there's
I heard they never
used the word arbitrage
no they don't
you never hear
guys in the cinema
going dude
we're gonna go in there
and get our Perks
of being a Wallflower on
yeah that was a problematic film.
Cloud Atlas.
What about that?
Wow.
Yeah, that was...
Well, there's one...
I fell in love with it by the time it was over.
But there were parts where I was like, come on.
That chick that used to be a dude made movies that used to be good.
Yeah.
I know in the future, in the, everyone's going to talk very slowly.
I know that.
Apparently, they talk very slowly in the future.
Yeah, I don't know.
I couldn't remember.
Well, they also have the weirdest expressions in the future characters.
It made me think of Mickey Rooney when he played the Asian person
in Breakfast of the Tiffany's.
He's a good writer.
I thought...
That movie,
he sticks out of that movie
like a dead tooth.
Oh, I love that movie.
Everyone thinks
that that movie
is this sophisticated
meringue
of the early 60s
and in the middle of it
is this terrible,
rejected, mad TV sketch.
We talk all right, though, right?
We talk all right, though, right?
It's okay for him to do that impression
because he's doing it of Mickey Rooney doing it, right?
And he's attacking it.
So you can actually,
if you ever want to do something racist,
just say it's somebody else doing it
and that you're doing an impression
of the person doing it.
It's like a free card.
Well, it's also...
A free card.
Interesting story about that.
One movie that I saw recently that I thought was really, really funny,
and most of the giant laughs were, you could argue, were racially inappropriate,
were in Frankenweenie, which I really enjoyed.
But some of the big laughs were the character of Toshiki,
the Japanese kid at school.
Voiced by Martin Short.
Voiced by Martin Short.
And there's just a lot of,
Victor brought Sparky back from the dead.
We don't want Sparky back!
Hilarious to me.
But here's the thing.
I was with my children who are Asian.
My children are Chinese.
And they laughed.
What age do you tell them?
I just keep telling them,
stop looking into the sun.
I'm not looking into the sun.
Well, clearly you are.
But they laughed at it, too,
because they have no cultural understanding
that that accent refers to them at all,
because they're from, as far as they know,
they're from Studio City.
So I thought it was really funny
that my Chinese kids are racist against Asians.
Do you ever do your Mickey Rooney impression for them?
They don't know I don't talk like that.
I only do this out of the house.
You have to talk like that to them.
I have giant...
They don't understand you unless you talk like that.
The last thing I do before I go in the house
is under the floor mat I have,
instead of a key, those big fake teeth,
I pop them in.
How do I tell the robot?
You know what was my favorite movie
was Search for Sugar Man.
I love that.
Oh, that's supposed to be a terrific documentary
about...
Amazing.
What is it, like a diabetic?
No, no, it's...
It's a crack addict?
Yes.
We're Sugar Man!
I'm sorry, I won't do the Asian voice again.
Does anybody reindeer for games?
How did we not talk about Skyfall?
You, of all people. Oh, because they've heard about it. They've heard all about my talk about Skyfall? You, of all people, I thought. Oh, because, you know, they've heard about it.
They've heard all about my problems with Skyfall.
Okay, I figured.
Yeah, you have a problem or two with it?
I actually, I don't have high expectations going in.
So it's kind of like, all right.
Yeah.
It's fine.
It's super fine.
Yeah.
Yeah, they did it.
Yeah. They made a good Bond movie.
Like they should all be.
It was like people, I know we're gonna play,
but it's like when Benicio Del Toro
remade The Wolfman, and people were like,
oh that was terrible!
Well look, the movie, if I recall the poster,
was called The Wolfman.
And a guy turned into a wolfman
and he killed a bunch of shit.
What part of the contract did the movie
not fulfill?
It wasn't called
The Agony and the Ecstasy of
Man's Bestiality.
It was just The Wolfman.
He slaps a guy's head off. I'm happy.
So you should see
the new Twilight.
You like head slappings off
Is there one in that?
Dude
I've been telling everybody
That you should just see it
Trust me
You are aware that I am sitting here
Yeah and you're great in it
I know she's not technically in it,
but in the end titles,
in the in memoriam section of the movie,
where they recount every person that did anything
in any of the other movies.
I haven't seen it yet.
What do they show?
They show a clip of you.
No one's told you this?
Yes, they have, but I haven't.
They show you looking at the guy standing next to you.
It's four people and each of your names solemnly goes by.
the music's very dramatic.
You're the only funny one.
And you just go,
you do this motion like you've got something
on your face to the guy standing next to you.
Like something from movie one?
I don't know which movie
it would be from.
The drool one was from the last movie.
That's so like...
I guess it was a good shot of the four of you together.
And you all...
Mr. Shatner.
I'm King Candy.
That's not the right voice.
Ed Wynn, have you seen Wreck-It Ralph?
Yes, I did see Wreck-It Ralph.
I did not enjoy Wreck-It Ralph. Yes, I did see Wreck-It Ralph. I did not enjoy Wreck-It Ralph.
Really?
I'd like to hear about it, but
we've got to play some games.
Or one game.
Whatever we can get through in the next 16 minutes.
I like all the
people involved in Wreck-It Ralph,
but I had a three-year-old on my lap
who peed 11 times.
Oh, it's because your kid couldn't get through it.
Yeah, it wasn't the movie.
Well, that was misleading, the way that you phrased it.
Let me rephrase that.
I did not enjoy my Wreck-It Ralph experience
due to a bukkake of toddler piss.
Thank you.
I wish more film critics were honest like that
and just made their comments completely irrelevant
to a conversation about the movie.
I hated it because I was on fire!
I would have liked to have enjoyed Lincoln,
but my left ball itch.
I'm seeing that tonight,
right after this show.
I'm going to see Wreck-It Ralph.
I haven't seen it yet,
but I do think it's weird
they made Zangief a bad guy.
Right?
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
That in the room of bad guys,
Zangief is not a bad guy in the video game,
but they just made him a bad guy
because I guess they thought
it would be funny for a guy
with a Russian accent
to talk about his feelings. Right?
Yeah, it totally
plays. It works in the scene.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
That Zangief is not actually a bad guy?
I missed that scene because I had
a toddler that had to pee.
Oh, she didn't leave the theater.
I get your point, but... She didn't leave the theater, Doug.
I do...
She didn't leave the theater to pee. She didn't leave the theater to pee.
She didn't leave my lap to pee.
That's getting into the crux of my problem.
I was just sopping with someone else's urine.
I'm so glad I came.
This is great.
Let's see some name tags, you guys.
The audience has name tags, as usual.
And each of you has to go out and choose who you'd like to play for.
And physically grab the name tag and then bring it back to your seat, please.
Yeah.
You can do it.
You can do it.
She's already...
Anna got right on it.
No, that's awesome.
What?
Can I have the gum?
There's an R2-D2.
Is it a mug?
Is it safe for...
Or is it like a cookie jar?
It's like a container, I guess.
Okay, okay.
R2-D-J2.
Okay, it's a... And your name is DJ? Yeah. Okay, okay. R2DJ2. Okay, it's a...
And your name is DJ? Yeah.
There you go.
Nicely done, R2DJ2.
Is this your shithead thing?
Oh.
Maybe. Maybe.
Okay, I'm going to have some gum.
Oh, I feel like I'm going to smack it
during the game. It's going to be really annoying.
Yeah, that might be bad.
Just be careful. I'll take it for later.
I found the laziest sign
I could find.
It's so fun when people do that.
What does it say?
It says, the luckiest
person alive from Christ.
That's
like the thing the serial killer
writes on your bathroom mirror
like while wearing a cop's face for a mask.
Did everyone hear that?
This is from Christ.
In case you...
What does the name tag say?
It's Chris T.
No, I'm kidding.
Is that the name tag, Chris T? No, it's Chris T. No, I'm kidding. Is that the name tag, Christie?
No, it's Christ.
Christ is here?
Yes.
You are popular.
Well, good luck playing for Christ.
Christ is going to work out for you.
I'm always playing for Christ.
Dana, who are you playing for?
Don't make him cross.
I'm playing for Nicole Loves Movies 2.
Okay.
Nice.
That looks nice.
It's not Christ.
She scribbled that on a sushi menu.
Yeah, barely took the effort.
Or the piece of paper you order on.
Right.
All right.
Who are you playing for, Brent?
Arabella.
Or Annabella.
It looks like an R.
Is it an R or is it an N?
Are you doing Mickey Rooney again?
She's probably here.
Arabera!
Arabera Golrebera go rightory.
So, I think,
I'm going to guess it's Annabella, but it does...
Oh, it is Arabella.
Yeah, because it looks like an R.
But it actually looks like an N also, though.
Yeah, could go either way.
Sure.
It says here, the classic dartboard, HBO.
HBO makes
the classic dartboard.
Okay.
So it's the kind of darts that are
magnets and little.
Yeah.
Good one, Arabella. It's like a post-it note
with her name on there.
It's the HBO dartboard.
Does no one reward creativity anymore?
Well, no. This is cute.
It was darted to the board. Okay. cute. It was darted to the board.
Okay.
It's darted.
That is cute.
Her name tag was darted to the board.
Like bullseye.
That's the message that I got.
Yeah, bullseye.
It's like, you just picked a winner.
That's from that new HBO show,
Corkboard Empire.
What if it was more like this?
Right in the bullseye?
Yeah.
Oh, now that's great.
Yeah, you really dropped the ball, Arabella.
Game of darts.
And Anna's playing for R2DJ2.
I've got to write that down.
R2DJ2.
What do you mean? You're good at this.
No, I'm not. Yeah, you are.
Oh, Nicole, is that her, Dana?
Yeah. And of course
Christ. Alright, here we go.
Jesus, let's get started.
I won't hem and haw, I promise. Let's go. No, here we go. Jesus, let's get started. I won't hem and haw,
I promise. Let's go. No, it's alright.
It's the others, some of the others
I'm worried about. Who should we
start with? We're going right
into this game. We don't have a preliminary game
to decide. Since Ileana's
the least
aware of what's happening.
Let's go ahead and start with her.
The most cornbread laden.
And then we'll go to
Brent and Anna
and then Dana.
Is this an easy one?
Did I say that out loud?
It depends on which one you pick.
The Empire Strikes What?
You get to choose between three categories.
Yes.
Indiana Bones.
That's movies where Harrison Ford has sex.
Okay.
All right.
Or someone whose Twitter handle is
at DLM Games,
Douglas Movies Games,
so I don't know what that's about.
They made a Twitter handle
just to send me suggestions.
I guess it worked.
They suggested Doug Loves Goonies.
That's movies that have someone
from the cast of The Goonies in them.
And then a third option
from Jasper G. Reviews.
Objection, y'all.
And that's movies where
Matthew McConaughey plays a lawyer.
Oh, wow. Oh wow
Being shirtless in the courtroom
Is not normally accepted
But I'll allow it
I'm going to go with the Harrison Ford
Okay this is
A movie where Harrison Ford
Has some sexual relations
Yeah I'm going to go for that
Okay here we go
Now I'm going to tell you about
Leonard Maltin's review of the movie.
Yes.
He gave it one and a half stars.
Yeah, not a fan.
Okay.
It's from the year 1982.
Yeah.
And I'll give you a few things that he says about this movie
that are not going to help you at all.
But don't, even if you think you know it, don't say any answer.
Because we still have to do the bidding
part that I told you about backstage.
He says
that there's been at least two alternate
versions released
of this movie, and he also
says that
the
main characters
have no appeal whatsoever.
And he lists nine names.
So now the question is,
Yes.
Ileana Douglas, no relation.
Mm-hmm.
How many out of nine names,
reading from the bottom up,
do you think it would take you
to figure out what this movie is?
Or maybe you already know and you can just say zero names.
I'm gonna say nine names.
No, I'm going to say,
you'd have to get it in maybe five names.
Okay, she says five names, Brent.
Use your microphone.
All right, okay. Brent. Use your microphone. Alright.
That's what was missed when I had the microphone down.
Alright. Fine.
Six names?
Four names.
I can't do it.
Four names.
So you're going to tell her to do it? Five names?
People are saying no?
You have to tell her.
Alright. Fine to name it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or it.
All right.
Yeah, fine, do it.
In five names?
Yeah, I'll give you the five names.
I can't pass it on. And then you're going to say the name of the movie out loud,
and we're all going to cheer.
Okay.
Because that's, I have faith in you.
Yep.
The names are Brian James, Joanna Cassidy, Joe Turkel, Daryl Hannah, and William Sanderson.
And Harrison Ford has sex in it from 1982.
Wow.
That movie is called what?
Christ on a pancake.
I don't know.
Blade Runner.
Aren't you in it?
I am in it.
Yeah, that's true.
In it to win it.
That's such a good story.
Brent gets a point.
Yay!
That's a cheap point.
That's a cheap point.
I should have said that. It's a game of strategy as much as knowledge
But if Harrison's fourth character
Is actually a replicant
One could argue it's not technically sex
In the Philip K. Dick novel
To Android's dream of electric sheep
It is clearly a blur
Alright, who should we start with
this next
we'll start with
Anna and then go back towards
Brett to change the order around
so Anna you get to pick between
at no clever names
suggested
play Misty for me which is
movies they made fun of
in MST3K
mystery science theater at seems for me, which is movies they made fun of in MST3K.
Mystery Science Theater.
At SEAMS,
S-E-A-M-E-S suggested Malcolm X-mas.
And that's a holiday movie with a predominantly
black cast.
And your third option
is from J.M. Morosky.
J.M. Morosky.
Incredibly loud and extremely gross.
And that's movies that have vomiting in them.
Like your film, Pitch Perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess vomiting.
Sure, why not vomiting?
This movie that has vomiting in it
is from 1973.
Leonard Maltin gives it three and a half stars.
He calls it intense, well-mounted.
I don't like that expression.
And
he said that it was reissued
in the year 2000 with 11 minutes
of mostly needless additional footage.
And he lists about seven names.
Oh, that is so vague.
I mean, I would have to have like six names.
It's intense and well-mounted and has vomiting in it.
Six names, she says, Brant.
Okay, do it. No, I'm just kidding. All right just kidding all right look I'm just gonna not to be cheap I'll just try it I'll do
is five five five I don't know okay Ileana since I did so well last time I
think this one yeah four names Dana I don't need any names.
Zero names, says Dana Gould.
Oh, that's to me.
Then name the movie, sir.
The Exorcist.
There you go, The Exorcist.
I was going to say she could do negatives, right?
Yeah, she could have, but she didn't even know what the movie was.
Yeah, I would have had to have been extremely aware that The Exorcist was from 1973.
Yeah, you gotta know what the movie is.
Giant movie knowledge penis.
Okay, so...
Another movie ruined for me by a child's urine.
For different reasons.
My own.
Okay, we'll start again with Ileana,
and then we'll...
Wait, which way were we going last time?
Yeah, we'll start with...
Who challenged who that last one?
Anna.
Oh, yeah, so then we start with Brent
and go towards Anna.
All right, and would you like
in theaters now,
that's movies that are in theaters now.
That's easy.
Or
so you think.
Or would you like
oh, this is a crazy thing
I needed to mention.
Today in an email,
Ileana says to me,
I don't know much about recent movies.
It'd have to be something from the 80s or 90s
you know like Reds
that's the one example she put in the email
and already loaded up in my phone
and there's not that many things loaded up in here
for the category Wolverines
which is movies with the word Red or Dawn in the title
the only thing I have in there right now is Reds
if I could have gone ahead and played that like I was helping you out or Dawn in the title, the only thing I have in there right now is Reds.
Whoa.
If I could have gone ahead and played that,
like, you know, I was helping you out to see if you would have gotten it anyway.
But, all right, sorry about that.
I just had to tell that because it was so weird
that that happened.
And no one's on the car horn up there tonight,
so I didn't get car horned.
Okay, so there's a...
I don't want to do that category then.
Oh, Pig in a Blanket, that's a movie where Kevin Bacon has sex.
Or...
Or In Theaters, Hey Now, and that's movies that star Jeffrey Tambor or Gary Shanley.
In Theaters, Hey Now.
I'm sorry, say that one more time, the last one.
In theaters, hey now.
Okay, wait. I'm sorry,
what was the third option?
In theaters, hey now.
Tambor or Shandling.
Okay, interesting. Alright, let's do
Kevin Bacon.
This is a movie where Kevin Bacon had sex.
It's from 1980.
One and a half stars from Leonard.
Seems a little high for me, but...
He says about it, it rates higher than Bomb
simply because it's slightly better than the one that fought the sequel.
That's an interesting way to review things.
Wait around for the sequel before you can really say what you thought of something.
Oh, yeah, Back to the Future is amazing because I threw Back to the Future 2.
That kind of thing.
I don't know what else to say about this that doesn't give it away.
It had a sequel.
Yeah.
Okay.
We could say that.
And then he lists seven names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
All right.
How about six?
Anna?
Well, I want to do that thing where I'm like,
I can just name that movie,
but then I feel like I'm going to be wrong
and I'm going to really embarrass myself
because it's going to be like,
no, that movie's from the 60s, you asshole.
You're off by 20 years, you think?
It's possible.
I'm pretty stupid.
You're not? No. I was fishing, I'll pretty stupid. You're not?
No.
I was fishing, I'll admit it.
Whose voice is that?
That's your dad.
I can name that movie.
Maybe.
Zero Names, you say?
Yeah, maybe.
Probably not, though.
Literally the first movie that popped into my head,
and so I'm just going to do it,
and it's probably going to be wrong.
All right, well, we'll go to Dana.
He can go to negative names if he...
1980?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you for asking.
How many names?
None.
She said zero, yes.
You can go negative one and tell me who the lead performer was,
that sort of thing.
She says she's going to be wrong, Dana.
I'm going to be wrong.
Do you have an idea what you think it is, Dana?
And then you'll have two points.
Because it seems like a pretty easy decision if you don't.
Yeah, no, go ahead.
All right.
Oh, God, I feel like I'm going to throw up.
Can I guess if she gets it wrong?
Casablanca.
Sure, sure, that'll be fun.
No.
Is it Friday the 13th?
Yes!
Yay!
Of course it is.
Of course it is! Of course it is.
Do I join the special club because I did it in no names?
Yeah, but you know, to get into the tournament, you have to get it in negative names.
We made it harder because too many people were getting...
All right, you're in, you're in!
For the listeners at home I made a really really good
pouty face
yeah
you also have to win
the game you're playing too
it's
I made it very difficult
to get in
I'm not gonna do that
yeah
well you might
you might
we got a three way tie
Ileana could still
come into this
and
yeah
and
last time I'll have to say this
Warren Beatty plays a famous...
I said a movie from the 40s, 50s, 60s.
And then there's a drop-off after that.
Sorry.
You went to a lot of movies in the 40s.
I don't believe you.
All right, so...
We had to pay with cornbread back in those days.
That's why I always make it.
Oh, that pumpkin cornbread is so good.
Thank you, I know.
You got a rebooking on this show just from walking in with that.
Thank you.
You know that she, did she take a picture of you eating it?
Yeah.
Because she told, yeah, I have to take a picture.
Because I ate the cornbread and it was delicious.
But now we have to like stage a photo where I'm eating the cornbread and I have to pretend
to enjoy it a second time.
She's going to scroll through her phone and be like,
look at all these people enjoying my cornbread.
Wait, does the winner,
whoever he or she may be, have to take a picture?
If they would like to,
I would love for them to.
Because a dry cornbread can kill you.
This is...
A dry cornbread is so...
It's a good way...
A dry cornbread is a throat clogger.
No, no, no.
This is my mom's secret recipe.
What would you give for that car horn?
All right.
I want to redeem myself here.
You get to pick a category then.
This is your chance.
You get to guide this ship.
Something you saw at the cinematograph.
Something in VistaVision.
You only live 23 times.
That's James Bond movies.
Okay.
Yeah, so that's probably not going to be that one.
Four More Years is movies that were a sequel that came out four more years
after the original.
So, you know, those
sequels that a weird amount of time goes by
and then there's a sequel.
Those are the two categories.
Oh, there's one more?
Yeah, yeah.
Was there a category earlier tonight that you
particularly enjoyed?
Did you say, like, movies with Jimmy Stewart in them?
I'm still pushing.
Deanna Durbin sequels.
What about the Matthew McConaughey ones seem pretty easy.
Oh, okay.
I like your attitude about it.
That one seems simple.
Here we go.
1996. Three stars from simple. Here we go. 1996.
Three stars from Leonard. Seems fair.
Calls this movie first rate.
Bless you, Dana
Gold. I really thought
a sprinkler started up
and we were all going to get
wet. I was just making sure the cornbread
was moist.
Because a dry cornbread will kill you, Doug.
First rate, this movie, he gave only three stars out of four.
And it turns out, Matthew McConaughey plays an attorney in this film.
And he also says about this movie,
M. Emmett Walsh appears unbilled.
Yeah, the great M. Emmett Walsh appears unbilled. Yeah, the great M. Emmett Walsh. And he
lists
17 names.
Whoa.
We're really dragging this out.
What's the category again?
The category is
Objection, y'all.
How many out of 17 I think
well it's
you gotta
it's either
I think
three names
three names
I think you know it
oh but let's go to Dana
what's he gonna do with this
do you know it
or think you know it
I think I know it.
Two names.
No.
You do it.
No, I should, because I shouldn't.
Go ahead.
Cutthroat. Do you want your three
names? Yeah, my three names.
Your three names are
John Deal,
Reuven, Larrymore Kelly.
Is that really a name?
Raven Larrymore Kelly.
Is this the grip or are these people in the cast?
Yeah.
John Deal's an actor who was in Miami Vice and Stripes.
And Charles S. Dutton.
Oh, sure. Stomped a man to death. Funny story. And Charles S. Dutton. Oh, sure.
Stomped a man to death.
Funny story.
The original Rock.
Yes.
I think I know this one.
Is it the one?
I'm going to say it.
Oh, no.
Are you really going to do that?
What's it called?
Is it called A Time to Kill?
That's correct.
We have a four-way tie.
For the last time,
apologies to Comedy Bang Bang.
Directed by?
Directed by Joel Schumacher.
That's right.
Whose house I was in on Saturday. Car honk.
Car honk.
Whose house I was in on Saturday.
Why?
What happened?
Oh, he wasn't there.
But my friend stays there sometimes
and i was there and there's a there's a uh god damn it why did i delete this from my phone
there's like a paddle like a sorority paddle with his name on it hanging in his kitchen and
you know that's an eyebrow razor right there
like if he smacks somebody hard enough with
it he'll say schumacher on their ass backwards they'd have to look at it in a mirror like an
ambulance coming oh i it would say all right we gotta we gotta finish this lovely guy by the way
gotta get this game over with who's a lovely guy jo Joel Schumacher. Okay.
So Ileana got that last point.
But Dana challenged her.
So we start with Anna and then go to Dana.
I think.
Any category you want.
Including, I'll throw one more in there. I'll do the Malcolm X-mas.
Let's get the show on the road.
I like your attitude, young lady.
I don't know, yeah.
You're killing it tonight.
It's a four-way tie.
I'm just tired.
Let's go.
I didn't say ruining it.
I said killing it.
That's a positive thing.
Could be taken the wrong way, I guess.
could be taken the wrong way I guess two and a half stars
for this movie that
Leonard calls
appropriately old fashioned
and he also says
about it that it
it recaptures the spirit
of vintage holiday classics
two and a half stars, though.
What year?
What's the year?
The year is 1996.
And he lists 12 names.
Oh.
I would need, like, nine names.
I have no idea.
Okay, nine names.
Predominantly black cast.
I think...
I don't need your racist questions.
No, is that the category?
Yes, yes, yes.
How many names did you say?
She said nine out of 12.
Okay. Okay.
Whoa.
What?
Now I'm going to feel like a jerk if I don't get it.
Dana's going to feel like a winner.
Here's your nine names.
Is that a time to kill again?
Okay, let's get this over with.
Let's embarrass me
I'm excited
Tookie Smith
You guys want to know Tookie?
Oh Tookie
She was Robert De Niro's girl
Let's not do this
Let's just go
Loretta Devine
That's true
Yeah
Paul Bates
Okay
Sissy Houston
Sherry Headley
Headdy
Headley
I think I know this movie
Justin Pierre Edmond
Lionel Richie
Oh no
Jennifer Lewis
Gregory Hines
This is like
some famous movie
that I should know
with all these people
and I'm
I got nothing
I'll tell you this about it
I'm so sorry DJ
You really have to cover your face.
I can see you.
It's the only...
He's so upset.
It's the only movie I could think of
when the category was submitted.
I just thought of it and then loaded it up.
1996?
Jelly's Last Christmas?
I don't know.
No, I know.
I'm a jerk.
My mind is a blank.
Preacher's Wife.
Preacher's Wife, yeah.
Preacher's Wife.
I knew it.
What, the Whitney Houston movie?
Yeah.
Whitney Houston, Dead's a Washington,
and Courtney B. Vance would be the top three names.
I would have got that.
Where's the one where they ate the pie made of shit?
That wasn't
strictly a holiday film.
But it did take place
over time, so it might have been a Christmas scene.
Predominantly black cast,
shit pie consumption.
We'll work on that.
Dana Gould's our winner, everybody.
And he is playing for Nicole.
Where's Nicole at?
Come get all your...
Back corner.
Come get your numerous bags, Nicole.
If you need bags,
a CD signed by a guy
that knew Bill Hick.
Where's Nicole at?
Is that hard for her?
She's coming up.
Okay.
And did anybody write a shithead on the back of their things?
Does R2-D2 have one?
Yeah, we don't care about Nicole.
She wins.
Oh, okay.
Is there one on the back of here?
There you go.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Nicole.
Thank you, Nicole.
So we got to get everybody else to come up
and where's our two J2
J2D
go ahead and just scribble it on there
somewhere who you want me to call a shithead
and where's Arabella
there she is
and who are you
Christ
oh okay I see it
yeah yeah first thing you think I was Christ. Christ. Oh, okay, I see it.
Yeah, yeah.
First thing you think of when you envision Jesus
is that big bald head.
He's like, I don't want to admit
that I was at the podcast taping.
So I'll go as Christ.
He is wearing sandals.
Or mandals.
It was going to go the other way. It was going to be
somebody should have said that
fans of that person are a
shithead, but I'll say it. I can't?
Oh, okay.
Thank you so much, you guys,
for being here. Let's do some quick plugs.
Dana Gould, we can hear you on the Dana Gould Show.
On the Dana Gould Hour.
Hour podcast.
Yes.
On the iTunes.
On the iTunes.
You got any road things coming up or anything?
I'm around town later this month,
and then in January I'll be going to Chicago
to whatever the club they have is there.
Maybe a Zany's or...
No, it's a new club
at the Second City. Oh, okay.
And Ileana's show,
go to dailymotion.com. It's her
favorite place to go for... For easy
to assemble? Easy to assemble. Taste my
cornbread?
That is clearly
code, madam.
Yeah.
Will you do the Mickey Rooney one more time?
I cannot hide your cornbread.
What'd you do tonight at the show, daddy?
Nothing, sweetheart.
Brett Weinbach,
get his CD, Mostly Live.
It's on iTunes.
You can get physical copies online.
Nice. Physical copies.
Physical copies.
That was the original title of Blackwater. Physical copies. Like this one right here.
That was the original title of Black Butter.
We forgot to give this one to Nicole.
Where you at, Nicole?
Let's go party.
Is there a baby up there?
I don't want to hit a baby.
Here, pass that over to her.
There you go.
Good catch.
Nailed it.
And New Year's Eve at the Herbst Theater in San Francisco if anybody's interested.
Oh, cool.
Anna?
Anything else?
Movies coming out?
Oh, you're already
into that gum, aren't you?
Oh, yeah.
You love it.
Paranorman came out
on DVD today.
Oh, nice.
And then there's
a bunch of other stuff.
Bunch of stuff.
Just go to the movies
and sit there.
And she'll show up. Thank you to all of other stuff. Bunch of stuff. Just go to the movies and sit there.
She'll show up.
Thank you to all of you guys.
Dana Gould, Ileana Douglas, Brent Weinbach, Anna Kendrick.
We brought it in in an hour.
That was pretty good.
I'll be at the Orlando Improv on January 3rd.
And as always, Judas is a shithead. David, oh, that was Christ who wrote that one?
I tried to give them anonymity.
David Howard is a shithead.
Some sort of personal grudge
and as always
fans of Enrique Iglesias
are a shithead
now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie
Eyes of old, his view in Taoist makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies