Doug Loves Movies - Anna Mazza, Dale Cheesman and Zach Dickson guest

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

Live from the The Secret Group in Houston, Doug welcomes Anna Mazza, Dale Cheesman and Zach Dickson to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a... free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's show is brought to you in part by Tool. Tool's entire music catalog is now available for streaming and downloads for the first time ever. Fans can listen to all five albums now on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, iTunes, YouTube Music, Pandora, and more. Tool also announced their brand new album, Fear Inoculum, which will be available on August 30th. Start listening to Tool's entire music catalog today, and don't forget their new album, Fear Inoculum, available August 30th. Enjoy this crazy show! Screaming, sticky seats with empty eyes and popcorn purple in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause I love movies Hey, hey, hey, stupid motherfuckers.
Starting point is 00:01:15 I don't know if I'll get used to that. My name is Doug, and I love movies! I love movies! Coming to you once again from the place nobody knows about, the secret group in Houston, Texas!
Starting point is 00:01:39 Oh my God, I don't know how often you guys come to this place to see bands or comedy or just hang out, but I really love this facility. It's super awesome. It's Thursday, August 8th, 2019, and I never have to worry about name tags with the Houston crowds. There's probably also a man with a sheet here. Will's got, you got the sheet too? But for now you're going with the tiny the tiny
Starting point is 00:02:13 Will and Dale versus evil. Doug and Dale versus evil. Alright. Okay, well we'll whip your name tags out later because I've got so much I want to get to, and I don't have to check to see if you guys brought any. Doug Plugs. Doug Loves Movies is back at UCB Franklin in Los Angeles
Starting point is 00:02:36 this Tuesday, August 13th. I was just stopping because there was a conversation in the audience very close to me, and there's no drink service up close to me, so I thought, why are people talking? So we'll see what happens. We'll see if I have to stop again and then look at them and then hope that they're catching on, that you really don't have to have a conversation out there. You can just sit and watch the show
Starting point is 00:03:05 and not confuse the host who's trying to do a show. Pretend it's a play. Would you say anything during a play? You probably would. We're back at Flappers in Burbank on Saturday, August 17th at 420. For all my dates
Starting point is 00:03:22 and deets and links, go to Douglovesmovies.com douglosmovies.com douglosmovies.com Yeah! Go! Go! Nicely done. From the corrections
Starting point is 00:03:39 department, Eddie Murphy's Delirious was not released theatrically. And then there was something else Sam said that wasn't right either, but it's really not worth going back over. Dug out to everyone who bought tickets to see Doug Loves Movies
Starting point is 00:04:00 at the Miami Improv this Saturday. I apologize. I had to postpone that date, but it will happen. Douglas movies will come to that club in Miami, the Improv, and your tickets will be valid
Starting point is 00:04:14 whenever it does happen. Hopefully this year sometime. Preferably wintertime because I have no problem going to Miami in the wintertime. The prize bag tonight, oh boy, I brought some stuff. Of course, I was in San Francisco recently, taping a show there, so I brought you guys a copy of San Francisco Magazine.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Yeah, I agree, Not that exciting. My friends at IFC gave me, in addition to a bunch of movies to give away, the graphic novel that inspired the movie The Death of Stalin is in the prize bag. People love that movie. Our friend Will,
Starting point is 00:05:00 who I mentioned, always brings a sheet to the show that's been signed by all the comedians he's ever met. He used to work at this theater here in town called the Alley Theater. And he'd always bring me free tickets to give away. Does not work there anymore. And yet somehow he's still giving me free tickets. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Somehow, he's still giving me free tickets. Yeah. Two complimentary tickets to the Alley Theater production of Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express. Yeah. I've never seen that as a play, but it sounds awesome, and it's playing until August 25th. And if you just want to say hi to Will, he's now the technical director for Theatre Under the Stars.
Starting point is 00:05:51 Yeah. Tuts. Is Tuts indoor or outdoor? It's indoor. And has the nerve to be called Theatre Under the Stars. Everything we do is Under the Stars if you want to be technical Theater Under the Stars. Everything we do is under the stars if you want to be technical about it. The venue has a star field
Starting point is 00:06:11 in the ceiling. Come for the stars, stay for the murder mystery is the slogan for their current production. Oh no, that's not playing there. What's the next production under the star? A chorus production. Oh, no, that's not playing there. What's the next production under the star? Of course fine. Oh, okay. I heard you put on pretty big shows. That's a big show That's like how many cast members in that?
Starting point is 00:06:34 20 something shit Look at you will But seriously consider getting rid of the roof Also But seriously, consider getting rid of the roof. Also, also in the bag, now I forget where I got this, but I was at some event. They gave me this big stainless steel H2O to go force. It's just a bottle, basically. You can put your water into and then carry it around. into and then carry it around and oh these things the hotel gave me these planters tropical fruit and nut trail mix and it's got raisins in it so it can fuck all the way off I'm hoping the
Starting point is 00:07:16 winner tonight likes raisins because that really was a deal-breaker for me and then the winner tonight is also going to receive a Doug Benson pin from rockin pins and a cannabis and cheese tour poster from the tour that I did with Dale Cheeseman and both of those items will be available on sale after the show tonight I'll tell you more about that later and all that came in a beautiful bag from the Traverse City Film Festival plus someone's gonna win all the stuff brought by my guests tonight so let's get him out here please give it up for Dale Cheeseman, Zach Dixon and Anna Mazza Yay! Look at you all here.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Let's meet them individually. Starting with the lady to my left. It's Anna Mazza, everybody! Hi! I'm so happy to be here. I love your city. I love Beyonce. I feel
Starting point is 00:08:42 honored to be in a presence where she was developed, where her parents had sex and made her. It's been incredible. Thank you for having me. This is your fifth time on the show, I think. Yeah, high five. Yeah. And thank you for coming in from Cincinnati.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Cincinnati, where are my Cincinnati people at? They're not here. They are not here. But I'm sure that all the people here have heard you on the show and find you delightful. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. People liked you right away.
Starting point is 00:09:21 It took me like four episodes, maybe five. I'm still on the fence. I'm still on the fence. You're still on the fence. But also today we have a newbie, as I like to say from time to time, and he's a comedy... Where are you based? San Antonio, regrettably. Really? There you go.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Yeah, I didn't want to call you a Houston comic accidentally, but it's close by, obviously. Give it up, everybody, for Zach Dixon! Cheers, guys! Good to be back home! Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Definitely a Houston comic. Yeah, you're trying to save yourself. Yeah, I just moved there What a mistake that was I mean it happens What are you going to do It's a great place if you want to become a stepfather Or something like that
Starting point is 00:10:16 Wait you would go there and then become a stepfather Feels like it would go the other way around I gotta move to San Antonio Because I'm a stepfather? It feels like it would go the other way around. I've got to move to San Antonio because I'm a stepfather. That's where I belong. It's like the Indian City limits. But anyway, I love San Antonio. Some people back there clap for it.
Starting point is 00:10:36 So, you know, no hard feelings. It's all part of the great big Texas family, right? Yeah. As long as we don't bring up Dallas, we're cool. See, that sounds like family. And that man
Starting point is 00:10:56 is Dale Cheeseman! Yep. Dale, if you had to... Thank you for your opening remarks. If you had to choose, and I think maybe you do have to choose, would you rather people chanted... Would you rather they chanted Dale?
Starting point is 00:11:20 I'd prefer they chanted than chanted. Would you like them to tant Dale or Cheese? See, there's already a guy... Based on that one guy, we're going with Dale. Yeah. Because you weren't doing that with me. You were doing it at me.
Starting point is 00:11:39 I knew that some people would be excited about the idea of chanting Cheese, because it's just fun to say, because it makes you smile. I don't know if you knew that about your name. Yeah, it's a classic trick used by photographers. A lot of them, you know, throw a twist on it when I'm in the picture and say, say weed. Same face.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Weed and cheese make the same face. Yeah, after every show, we do photos, and someone always goes, say cheese cheese man, which is just a bad move because then your mouth is stuck in like a... for the photo. Yeah, you're in the man part.
Starting point is 00:12:12 It's a phonetic thing. Man. Man. Yeah. So don't do that, you idiots. Hey, don't... I call them stupid motherfuckers. You don't get to call them idiots.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Because I have to call them stupid motherfuckers? No. You have to respect them idiots. Because I have to call them stupid motherfuckers? No. You have to respect them. You're young. You have a career ahead of you. This is my city. I know how dumb they are.
Starting point is 00:12:35 You're just visiting. You haven't seen it. Yeah. Do you think... Give it a crowd, sir. Come on, catch him. Do you think this town is dumb enough to have a convention center that looks like a ship?
Starting point is 00:12:54 Not just any ship. Actually, we're very proud of that, so... Don't worry, Birdies, I got you. I'll feed you. But anyway, yeah, we love that you're from Houston, representing, you're up in New York now. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Representing us up in New York. Turns out, they don't like us. Well, look at who the representative is, first of all. A real confront last night. What's this us shit? Do you just not, do you try to keep it on the DL that you're from Houston? No, all my shirts say Houston on them. It's true, you were wearing a Houston shirt before you changed into your show shirt,
Starting point is 00:13:42 which I gotta say, it's been a while since I've seen that, is a person who brings a show shirt and switches them right before the show. And I have to say, it's a throwback to showbiz tradition, and I like it. Do you take a shower right after the show? Is there a shower in the green room here? Yeah, they have a cold shower running
Starting point is 00:13:59 for me after the show that I can just sit in and think about what happened. And somebody sprayed them down. Yeah, what are your showers think about what happened. And somebody sprayed him down. Yeah, what are your showers like? It was me. I sprayed him down. In fact, if anybody, if the prize bag winner tonight wants to hold the hose to
Starting point is 00:14:15 wash off Dale after the show, because you're going to be sweating, dude. I feel like you have some competition. Going to be? I know you already are. Gleam? You are a sweaty dude. It's like a have some competition. Going to be? I know you already are. Gleam? You are a sweaty dude. It's like a 25-foot walk to the stage. What do you expect?
Starting point is 00:14:30 It did seem very long. Why is it that, you know, I mean, Zach has run away to the shady climes of San Antonio, and Anna's in Cincinnati, and I'm in L.A. Why wouldn't we be the ones sweating when you're the one that grew up in this heat? You think I should have, like have adapted X-Men-like powers to overcome just my general bad health? Or do you think...
Starting point is 00:14:54 Doug, you just saw me 30 minutes before the show. Wait, I have general bad health. Why am I not sweating? I'm jealous. I wish I was sweating more because I probably would weigh a little bit less. You're the same person that comes up and be like,
Starting point is 00:15:06 oh, I just wish I could put on a few pounds. You know, you're so lucky. And you watched him and I eat a lot of pork together. We just ate gumbo and pork and brisket. We just sat in silence
Starting point is 00:15:20 and just ate pork and then just smiled at each other. And I love Texas. I just really... That's what it's about. That was 15 minutes ago. Oh, I know.
Starting point is 00:15:32 I'm so sleepy. You don't often... I'm so happy. You don't often share a giant plate of nachos with someone you just met. It was like a team building exercise. It's very intimate.
Starting point is 00:15:44 It was like a YouTube building exercise. It's very intimate. It was like a YouTube social experiment. Share nachos and try to not fall in love. We did. Keeping track at home. That's nachos, gumbo, and pork. I only had a short time to show them all of our culture. But we did it. We did it in one meal.
Starting point is 00:16:07 High five. That's what this episode is. My high five. Forget it. I hated it when it was coming out. Anna? Yes? I know you had to fly here, so we're
Starting point is 00:16:23 not expecting miracles. But what did you bring to fly here so we're not expecting miracles but what did you bring to contribute to the prize bag I'm really excited it's only two things but I am really excited about both of these things hold on I want to hide the first thing
Starting point is 00:16:42 I want to save the best one for the last shit most people hearing this can't even see I want to hide the first thing. I want to save the best one for the last. That's a good strategy. Most people hearing this can't even see anything that's happening. Only a select few. The first thing I brought
Starting point is 00:16:58 is I made a candle. This one is probably my most favorite one. This one probably my most favorite one. Yeah, this one is my most favorite one. It's a coffee scented in a coffee mug. I'm really, really pumped the scent. Woo! Oh. We made eye contact for way too long. That was even more intimate than sharing nachos. You just put your finger in my candle cup.
Starting point is 00:17:38 But that's really true. You just spread it. Go ahead and do it. I'll hold it. But that makes it smell more when you rub it like that? Are you sure that's... I'm positive. Now smell it. Making a wine glass make noise? Wow. Pass it down if anybody needs a little smell of coffee. And you can hold it like a mug, too.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Oh, so he's drinking it, huh? It really goes nice with his shirt. Don't talk to me until I've had my artisanal handcrafted candles. And they did pull this out at TSA again. The last candle I had, they did the same thing. They pulled the candle out and they wiped it. Except this time, I made the dumb decision. After they wiped it, I said,
Starting point is 00:18:23 Hey, does that make the wax catch on fire? And then he called over another person to answer that question. So I was like, oh, no. And so then they were like, no, it doesn't. So that answers that. But they also wiped my second prize, which is the best thing I've ever found, ever.
Starting point is 00:18:47 It is a bulldog dressed up like a cheerleader. And it says... For the listener imagining this, you nailed it. It is a bulldog dressed up as a cheerleader, including a blonde wig with a blue ribbon in the hair.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Yeah, yeah, I'm reading. What does it say? It says, cheer up, I'm rooting for you. But here's my favorite part. The sentence even ends with a period. It's not even an exclamation point. Cheer up. I'm rooting for you.
Starting point is 00:19:35 Also, also, I was at an antique store in Ohio and I saw that and I was laughing so hard that somebody had to come over and ask if I was okay and I'm still not okay so I was like I didn't even matter the price I'm pretty sure it's still on the bottom but anyway don't look
Starting point is 00:20:00 $32 I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's not right. $322. And at TSA, after they wiped the candle, they were like, hold on, there's something else.
Starting point is 00:20:15 And I was like, if they pull out that fucking bulldog, I'm going to lose my mind. And sure enough, he pulls out and he starts bomb wiping this bulldog and I it's six o'clock in the morning and I am in tears laughing and they keep looking at me and looking at the bulldog and I'm just like we good like can I go now so all TSA approved prices today
Starting point is 00:20:46 This is an antique. It was made in 2005. This is old shit right here. It's 14 years old. Just run by a store that does the bare minimum. Seven years, baby, that's the limit. It's 52 years old in dog years. It's the blonde wig that gets me.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Everything else I'm on board with. And then it's just this blonde wig on this dog. And it just really... Do you think a dog had to pose for this? Yes. Oh, man. All right. Also, I thought you said you got this at an ante store. Antique?
Starting point is 00:21:27 Not antique. Antique. Like the opposite of a store. It's not really a store. We're running an ante store. You come in and buy stuff no one would ever want to purchase. I thought you meant like a little ant store with an ant farm, like an ante store. Forget.
Starting point is 00:21:43 You got to see Anna's stand up because after every other joke she says, forget it. Don't. Forget it. You gotta see Anna's stand-up, because after every other joke, she says, forget it. Don't worry about it. Those are just words. What do you have for us? Thank you, Anna. Those were amazing. What do you have for us, Dale? I want to keep her up here. I have a...
Starting point is 00:21:59 The MCX-2 RC helicopter. This is good for over two hours of fun. The first hour will be when you get home, and then the second hour will be, like, in a month, on a Saturday when you're bored, and then you'll put it in your closet for three years like I did. So there's that.
Starting point is 00:22:19 I thought you meant that they were just quick to, like, you just destroy them because you accidentally crash it into something. No, you can't break these. They will hurt anything that it hits. That's kind of why I was forced to stop using it. Again, I'm just clearing stuff out of my closet. I was going to bring, like, all of my Harry Potter stuff, but I didn't want to, you know, all of my favorite possessions
Starting point is 00:22:41 to go to someone who maybe didn't appreciate it enough. So you're just getting one of them. But look at this one. I would take that, but I want you guys to like me, so I'm not going to take it. This is a tribute to take it. This is a tribute to Snape. A very loving
Starting point is 00:23:09 romantic... People will question why you have it on your wall in the main living room, but that's the only place this goes. Yeah, it's the greatest friend zone of all time. It's awesome. You're never really alone when you're with your fictional best friends.
Starting point is 00:23:24 I can't believe you're willing to sever his ties with that item yummy just from the incredible art gallery in Denver, Colorado you can pick one up there it's your birthday? well that's interesting information
Starting point is 00:23:44 is that the same information that wine cheese to you it is it is it's my birthday cheese you trying to take everything from me man I just love that approach it's my birthday yeah yeah guess what and we all have one I'm rooting for you not today alright I'll get back to you online for some goods and services I like this because it looks like a Turkish remake of the DVD cover
Starting point is 00:24:17 where they just took it as he was the hero of the movie the tall strong man with a job. For sure. Street here, yeah. He's also got, like, if you put this up in your home, it's like, he's got Mona Lisa eyes
Starting point is 00:24:33 that would follow you wherever you are. Bonus points if you cut out his eyes and stand behind it. Bonus points? Don't you need house points? Oh. Well, you just won this. Anna! Anna!
Starting point is 00:24:52 Anna! Anna! Anna! Anna! Do you really want to keep that? I do. But you've got to give up the dog. You've got to let go of the dog. Oh, shit. The dog's going in the bag. Actually, I can can't take this I have to get on an airplane I can't walk
Starting point is 00:25:10 through I remember it fondly but I just I can't take'm going to remember it fondly but I can't take it away what other bags do you have besides your backpack? my big blue bag another thing to do you can take two items on the plane and this would count as an item and everyone else on the flight would think well this flight is going to land where it's going
Starting point is 00:25:38 because we have a national treasure on board if they try to swab it just be like sir that, that's art! Don't! You'll mess up the patronum! Don't wipe it! This is pre-war. How? I thought you'd make something cool, but I didn't expecto this. Hey, you guys, I know three Harry Potter words,
Starting point is 00:26:06 and I'm going to work them into sentences. Zach, what do you got for us? Okay, number one, this counts. It's the... It's just a bag with a Bucky's head on it. Very popular Bucky's. And then I have a DVD collection that I like to call the perfect Saturday night.
Starting point is 00:26:34 It is the Kings of Comedy. Followed by Sideways. Then followed by the Kings of Comedy. So there's two copies of Kings of Comedy? There is, because I had three. That's kind of fun. The winner can give one to a friend, and they can not have to be together while they watch it.
Starting point is 00:27:05 Yeah, it's great. You guys could wear six button suits together. Another item that I picked up is a little hat that says smoking hot and packing
Starting point is 00:27:19 heat. And it's got a revolver on it. A hush has fallen over the crowd. Because unlike me, you guys watch the news. I also just like a hat that
Starting point is 00:27:39 tells people I have a gun. I have a gun on me. Thank you for putting that on your hat. Also, pretty cute. It's an adorable gun hat. Also, I fuck truck drivers.
Starting point is 00:27:57 Not because I want to. Just because there's nothing else. You can take the lizard out of the lot, but you can't take it out. Yeah, so there you have it. I think we need to explain, because I don't know if this is everywhere. A lot lizard is a trucker prostitute. They frequent gas stations. And diners, I guess. I mean, you can get them at rest stops and
Starting point is 00:28:32 buckies or fancy lockers. Wherever a dark, cold place is, you'll find... Well, they're just there to help if you need assistance pumping. Actually, you know what? This is the perfect hat for a lot lizard, because it's like, I am hot, but don't rob me.
Starting point is 00:28:55 And also wear protection. Well, thank you, Zach, for this stuff, and thank you, everybody, for all your contributions. for this stuff and thank you everybody for all your contributions. Somebody's going home with all of this tonight. I hope you're not taking public transportation. The homeless will be jealous of you.
Starting point is 00:29:21 They'll be like, you have three bags? Do I smell coffee? No, it's a candle. Does it smell more like coffee when you light it, you think? Or is it all about rubbing it? Stick your finger in it. If anybody was here last night I was wondering if the laughing lady would be back
Starting point is 00:29:48 Slightly different seat, but same laugh And a quick question before we get to the game portion of the show. What was the last movie you saw? Okay. Well, okay. It was going to be The Last Samurai. Because that was coming into this. And The Last Samurai is...
Starting point is 00:30:22 You guys have heard of it? Anyway. I just didn't enjoy it. I heard they didn't make any more samurais after it. No, and I was... I mean, it was a really neat tale of Stockholm Syndrome. It was the first...
Starting point is 00:30:35 The last samurai, but the first case of Stockholm Syndrome. And I just didn't... I didn't like that they made Tom Cruise live with that woman. It just seemed a little forced. And you could definitely tell that Tom Cruise got way too into the Japanese culture. Like, he still talks about it.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Like, nobody invites him to go out to sushi anymore because he's like, actually, these two kind of fish don't go together. And what kind of steel did you use to cut the samurai away? He's just like the most annoying person. It's actually pronounced Sudoku. He's the worst. The only good thing
Starting point is 00:31:16 about him is that he was married to Nicole Kidman. That's the only good thing about him. But I did, in the hotel today, I did watch the Jurassic World one with Chris Pratt. Yeah. So it was very
Starting point is 00:31:31 neato, burrito, cool, wrap it up. But what I didn't enjoy is that Chris Pratt started off with this cool southern charm accent. Ah, yes, I tame the velociraptor. And then cool southern southern charm accent ah yes I tamed the velociraptor
Starting point is 00:31:47 and then and then once that thing got out he took he lost it he started talking fully like Andy from Parks and Rec and I was like what happened to Mr. Fried Chicken and cool cool Jimmy John what happened to him
Starting point is 00:32:03 look when you stare into the eyes of a Velociraptor... You lose all dialect. Talking about all cool... Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to... Yeah, he had it... The T-Rex had an invisibility cloak. That was neat.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Yeah, spoiler alert. You've had two years to see it, just like me. Yeah, it feels like these dinosaurs, they have to keep making ones that are scarier because a regular dinosaur, they're not scary. They can walk right up and pet it and jerk it off.
Starting point is 00:32:36 He can't reach anyway, you know? T-Rex arms. That was a solid giant dinosaur joke. Dale, what about you? What was the last movie you saw? Go ahead and just get right to the last one We don't need to hear about the last two Damn it, it was Robin Hood
Starting point is 00:32:59 The new one What? Why? Because I thought I wouldn't have to... I could mention the other one before it to make up for it, but... Here we are. It was on HBO. It was free.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Oh, like y'all made a better movie. Fuck y'all. All I did was watch it. It is terrible, though, right? It's like, let's take all the fun out of Robin Hood. It's like serious Robin Hood. Yeah. Is it the best Robin Hood? Hood. It's like serious Robin Hood. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Is it the best Robin Hood? Yes. Do people appreciate it? No. It's all based on like this one YouTube video that you showed me, Zach. There's like this weird archer who like rollerblades and does archery named Lars Anderson or something. And the whole movie is based around his specific bow and arrow technique. So I wanted to watch it for that.
Starting point is 00:33:52 And it was still a mistake. They made a movie about that guy? Yeah, he trained the whole cast in how to do that weird roller blade archery. Don't get me wrong. I get it. That guy was killing it. This is my problem, I always come with very mean- Yeah, Dale, Dale, Robin Hood featuring me as the Sheriff of Nottingham is the best Robin
Starting point is 00:34:20 Hood. Shut your dumb face. All right, well, one of us is still alive, and there's a reason for it. Yeah, I did that, too. This is all my fault somehow. You brought this painting. Is that why you're getting rid of it, or are you just tired of arguing with it? Sometimes your closest friendships in badly this is one
Starting point is 00:34:47 of those cases well I kill him was last movie you saw Zach minority report yeah yeah three of you aware that movies are being made as we speak? Absolutely not. I was using my iPad and I was like, oh yeah. Minority Report. Get it? Because Tom Cruise always did this first. He swiped right before anybody.
Starting point is 00:35:19 He was really an innovator in that. I watch Minority Report like three times a year. What's that about? It's a majority part of your life then. It's... Oh, all right. Forget it. Interestingly enough,
Starting point is 00:35:38 the only time Tom Cruise was a minority was when he was in The Last Samurai, folks. Remember when he was a weeaboo? He was a piece of shit anime kid? Alright. I mean, do you like Minority Report because it has no minorities in it? Like, what's the appeal?
Starting point is 00:35:59 I feel like that's how they sold Tom Cruise. They were like, well, 100% minority free. they sold Tom Cruise. They were like, well, 100% minority free. Yeah, Tom Cruise. I just get it, man. I like the movie. It was like the kind of future I could buy into. They still have Lexuses.
Starting point is 00:36:15 I like that. No murder, high selling point. Still allowed to do drugs, though. He was doing this futuristic heroin that looked like a good time. I'm not into it, but he looked like he was having fun. Just stopping murders, driving Lexuses,
Starting point is 00:36:36 playing with big-ass iPads. I'm into it. Sold. Minority report. They were so into it That was a great minority report You just gave On the movie Minority Report
Starting point is 00:36:52 Alright well I just saw Again for the second time A movie that I cannot recommend Highly enough and if you know me You know all the movies I recommend I'm doing it highly. There's a motion picture coming out
Starting point is 00:37:09 in limited release Friday, but then it'll be wider and probably here in Houston the following week. It's called The Peanut Butter Falcon. And it is so entertaining. It'll put such a big smile on your face, but it's not... You know, it's just a lot of things in one. But especially if you like wrestling, you'll probably enjoy it, because the main
Starting point is 00:37:30 character is a big fan of wrestling. And I won't say anything more about it, because it's really... Well, I will say one more thing. I'm shocked to love the Shia LaBeouf movie. Yeah. I mean, I've always thought he was a good actor, but he was kind of going down a bad road there for a minute and he's great in this movie all right
Starting point is 00:37:48 this is a part where I say Bert Kreischer turn it off Let the games begin! Ladies and gentlemen it is time for you to pick your name tags. We got some nice ones out there. Some handmade ones. Where's the birthday boy? There's just an envelope that says Moby Dick on it. That guy really put in some effort. And while you guys figure out who you're going to play for,
Starting point is 00:38:22 we're going to take this brief commercial message. We'll be right back. Today's wild show is brought to you in part by Good Boys. One of the guys who made some of the most outrageous R-rated comedies like Superbad and Sausage Party decided to make an R-rated comedy starring 12-year-old boys. Well, they did, and the result is the hilarious new movie Good Boys. They did, and the result is the hilarious new movie Good Boys. Good Boys follows three in-over-their-heads sixth graders as they skip school one day to do whatever it takes to learn how to kiss
Starting point is 00:38:52 before their first middle school party. But they're completely clueless about all the inappropriate situations they get themselves into along the way, like accidentally getting involved in a drug deal, causing crazy car crashes, and mistaking sex toys as nunchucks. You've never seen a movie like this before, with innocent 12-year-olds trying to navigate an adult world of sex and drugs and violence and, of course, profanity.
Starting point is 00:39:18 It's super inappropriate and R-rated, but there's also a sweetness to the movie with the boys' friendships at the center of it all. Ever since South by Southwest, early audiences and critics have been raving about Good Boys, saying that you'll laugh for 90 minutes straight. They're calling it delightfully inappropriate, wildly raunchy, and
Starting point is 00:39:37 undeniably sweet. Check out Good Boys in theaters August 16th. Back to the show. Alright, we're back. That was a... Yeah, that was a nice... There you go. You got your mic okay, Zach?
Starting point is 00:39:58 Got it. Thank you. What do you got, Anna? Let me go. Hold on. What is there to... I got it. What is there to ruminate on? It's the Tominator instead of the Terminator.
Starting point is 00:40:13 That's it. It's the Tominator. Yeah, Tom. But it's also got two bottles of Tito's, two Reese's Cups, and a little pack of Donettis. Yeah! Tom, you cat you Wait in my heart these little guys. I won't drink them in here. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's probably a good idea to wait till later But yeah, Tom and
Starting point is 00:40:39 Even better idea just drop it on the floor All right, cool. Who are you playing for, Dale? I'm playing for Dave. Why do you sound so sad about it? Well, hers has Tito's and Donette's. Wait, you're disappointed in the amount of shit he taped to his side? What'd you get? I thought it was booze.
Starting point is 00:41:00 It's hand sanitizer. Technically booze. I mean, you could drink it. Yeah, anything is booze if you're brave enough. What are you, a coward? But it's also got like a little carabiner on it so you could just clip it to your belt.
Starting point is 00:41:17 I know, I thought it was like on-the-go booze. I wanted to... But anyway, describe it. So he tricked me, I guess. But what's his name? What movie is it? You know, let's move off of the sanitizing. Dave, the sign is Dave-a-ho-tep.
Starting point is 00:41:31 Which kind of was just Dave-a-ho. Yeah, I picked it solely because I thought there was booze on it. Yeah. I'm not going to play well for you now, so. Do you know the movie that he's parodying on the sign? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that called? Emo-tep? Or Bubba-ho-tep?
Starting point is 00:41:50 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right. I'd say go for that. Try to pick a sign that means something to you. I mean... I'll buy you a tiny bottle of booze if you want. Even if that was booze, look at how small that is. Did you think it was Cristal? I thought it had to be top shelf. It has a carabiner on it.
Starting point is 00:42:12 I like that the guy did some actual artwork. There's like a brick wall and then the... Yeah. No, yeah. I thought that too. The brick wall is actually printed on. That's the most impressive part of it.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Yeah, and he put some lettering on it. I'm really mad about this. It's a good sign. It's a good sign. All right, what do you have, Zach? Probably the best one of all the signs, because it's both a movie parody and covered in delicious treats. This is Doug Loves Almageddon.
Starting point is 00:42:44 Alma, huh? She's nailing it. We've got a bunch of space puns here. We've got Orbit Candy, Milky Ways, Mars. What's going on here? Starburst,
Starting point is 00:42:59 and just booze. Sky. Sky. There's also Uranus medication. What is this one? UV. UV? Like rays.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Like UV rays. Like UV rays? All right. And then moonshine. Like the moon. There should be like Luna bars on it. Italian for moon. You know, I'm just shocked they couldn't find every product that has some sort of mention.
Starting point is 00:43:30 I would have picked it if you put hand sanitizer on it. It looks, Dale, like they narrowed it down to snacks and booze. I'm so jealous. They didn't need to go looking for breakfast bars or whatever Lunas are supposed to be. All right, great job, Zach. You can go ahead and throw that on the ground. And, yeah, no reason to hang on to it the whole time, but I do want to be able to read it. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:43:52 It's Alma, right? Good job, Alma, get in. Let's play some games. Yes. Yeah. Am I allowed to get a drink first? Nope We're all the same level of drunk right now There's no reason
Starting point is 00:44:14 No, what do you want? Yeah More White Claw? You love this White Claw? Have you had it? I have not Because I'm not really a cider drinker It's not so good
Starting point is 00:44:24 Well, it says right on there. Oh, seltzer. Oh, so it's like a seltzer water. It's got a little kick to it. Try my freshie, though. Can I get a black cherry white claw, my friends? Jessa? My girl?
Starting point is 00:44:40 Sheesh, you are hooked on these things already. That's what you do. You just had your first one today, right? He had his. Oh, you did, and you love it? I'm back to my whiskey coke. It's all right. It's like a LaCroix with a little kick, I guess.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Is that their slogan, probably? It's terrible. We're like if LaCroix kicked you in the balls? It's like if you were drinking a selt if a little Kroy kicked you in the balls? It's like if you were drinking a seltzer and somebody yelled black cherry across the room. And you're like, yeah. And then there's also alcohol in it, so then you're feeling good.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Oh, I thought there was somebody. It tastes like that when you wake up in the morning and you're like, did I drink last night? Yeah. Yeah, why does my mouth taste like I sucked off a jolly rancher? Like you mean like in the country? Like a happy fellow who owns a ranch?
Starting point is 00:45:41 You met him at the Buc-ee's. Come on now. I got a white claw White claw Did you even want one, Zach? Uh, yes Sure, why not I kind of always want one Alright, this is my first white claw, everybody
Starting point is 00:45:59 Oh, it's a black cherry You're going to be happy with the way you feel I guarantee it Here we go, black cherry. You're going to be happy with the way you feel. I guarantee it. Here we go. Black cherry, white claw. You know what? I do not care for it. But I get it.
Starting point is 00:46:18 I understand it. But how much booze is in there? I mean, a pregnant woman could drink it. It says it's hard. Really? Because she is. No, I mean, a pregnant woman could drink it. It says it's hard. Really? Because she is. No, I'm just kidding. Four pregnant women.
Starting point is 00:46:30 Five pregnant women. The first name for it was seven months pregnant. But they say right on the... It says right on here spiked sparkling water. Don't worry about what it's spiked with. Shut up and drink it.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Like you're in a school dance and you should just drink it because it's spiked. We hired a football player to come into our factory. Well, thank you for letting me taste it. And congratulations to everybody who enjoys it. Makes you burpy. This first game we're going to play is called Characters Welcome. I am going to just list off some characters from the end credits of a motion picture. And you guys can guess as often as you like
Starting point is 00:47:17 here up on stage. And as soon as somebody gets the right answer, which will hopefully happen by the top of the... I'll get to the more known or more recognizable names at the top, ones I think I'll give it away. Don't look at him. Look at me.
Starting point is 00:47:36 I'm good too. Now what? I'm not. Somebody messaged me on Facebook, which was a really big attack. They said, hey, I really like you on the podcast. You suck at the games, but you're funny. Welcome to the internet.
Starting point is 00:47:53 Yeah, it really hurt my feelings. I want you to know I like you, but also go fuck yourself. Yeah, well, you know. He knows who he is. The backhanded compliments are, you know, people just don't know how to not do that. I'm ready. Here are the names.
Starting point is 00:48:12 There is someone, a character in this movie, that is credited as girl in yellow dress. Yeah. Yeah, it's safe to assume she's hot. Don't even know how old she is. There's someone... No guesses at all? You've never seen a movie with a girl in a dress?
Starting point is 00:48:37 Okay. Well, so say one. Say one of all of them. Midsommar. How did you get it in the first... Just kidding. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Midsommar. How did you get it in the first... Just kidding. Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:48:46 I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh my God. She thought she was good at the game. She was like... That was like Carrie. You are good at the game.
Starting point is 00:49:00 Psych. I mean, I should have just lied and really acted like that was the right answer and just moved on to the next game. Douglas Benson. I swear to God, it's the next character. I trusted you. Thank you. That was a good guess.
Starting point is 00:49:20 I'm trying. There's also someone called Reporter. And another character called Loud Reporter. Congressman. Noisy civilian. There's a noisy civilian in this movie. Can we like rapid fire through these 20 characters that don't have names? I kind of, can I guess and then guess again later?
Starting point is 00:49:44 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of want to guess Spotlight. Not a bad guess. Noisy reporters, Mark Russell. Yellow dress. What a nuisance. There's an orderly in this movie. Also, a whiz kid?
Starting point is 00:50:05 Paper boy? I don't think it's the kid that's going to the bathroom. I think it's just a smart kid. So, no. There's someone called Dr. Chuck. Is it Magnolia? No. But whiz kid Donnie Smith is a character in Magnolia.
Starting point is 00:50:23 We got somebody called Henry... What is that? Hurt? Hill. Goodfellas. No, Henry Hurt. Not Goodfellas. There's someone named Gene
Starting point is 00:50:39 Franz. Now, some people might get this in the next few names, so please don't yell out. Ken Mattingly. Fred Hayes. Paper Boy. Did you say that one before? Yeah. That guy, the director who made that movie,
Starting point is 00:51:06 puts his name before the title too, right? Baz Luhrmann's Paperboy? It's not him, but yeah, you get the idea. Jack Swigert. Is it Best in Show? No. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? No.
Starting point is 00:51:22 What? Minority Report. Hollywood no she like what Minority Report that would have been the answer if I were a precog that noise you're talking about Minority Report I should write that into the game all right this one's this one is technically a giveaway giveaway name we'll see we'll see if it works Jim Lovell let me just throw in two more names I know it's disappointing but what are you gonna do last night my stand up I said Calvin Coolidge and a guy in the audience yelled out who Neil Neil Armstrong Apollo 13 Yeah, Apollo 13
Starting point is 00:52:08 They don't teach those guys names in school, I guess Not down here Not in Houston Of all places Don't bring it up. It's a painful memory, that Apollo 13. We've heard all about it. We do other stuff.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Simone's from here? You guys make big t-shirts. We get it. Hilary Duff? Remember that time you kissed Hilary Duff at your sleepaway camp? We don't talk about that. All right. What was one lady you'd like to hear all about it?
Starting point is 00:52:49 It's Hillary. We're not talking about it. Just kidding. Look, I just she broke my heart when she moved to start her child career. Yeah. A dated Hillary Duff. Can we move on? Thank you. You're saying it like anyone gives a shit one way or the other. It's just weird to drop it. I've known you for a while, and this is the first time hearing of it. Yeah. I mean...
Starting point is 00:53:15 Well, I was seven, so... I dated Tootie from Facts of Life for a little bit. Whoa! I was about to be like... We could talk about so much. No, that one's not true. Fake news. So Zach gets to go first in our next game,
Starting point is 00:53:38 and we're going to play a little Whose Tagline Is It Anyway? This is a game that's sweeping the nation because no one ever knows the answers. That last one was easy compared to this one. We'll see what happens.
Starting point is 00:53:57 Zach, you're first. This is only for you. I'll name a movie, tagline, I'll read it to you, and you tell me what movie it is. If you get it right, you get a point. If you don't get it right or don't have an answer, we'll move on to Dale and then to Anna. What was your guess?
Starting point is 00:54:16 When he was saying Apollo 13, what were you saying, Dale? First man. Oh, okay. Yeah, it fit. I mean, yeah, you figured out that it has astronauts. You could have said Planet of the Apes. Wait, how did Neil Armstrong bill lower than Buzz Aldrin? It's not in order.
Starting point is 00:54:36 I saved Neil Armstrong so that just in case anybody doesn't know who was actually in the Apollo 13 space flight, you'd still be able to get the right answer, because I don't like games where no one gets the answer. But that's what this next game is, so I don't know what I'm talking about. We've engineered this. What the hell am I talking about?
Starting point is 00:54:53 Alright, Zach, and there'll be a theme shall emerge, but of course you don't know what that is on the first question. Or first tagline. Man has made... Sorry. It's tricky.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Man has made his match. Now it's his problem. Is it iRobot? No, a great guess. I just thought... That's very good. I'm happy with good guesses, by the way. That's my goal here.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Good guess, right guess, or a joke. That's all I want. Facts. Out of your mouth. Dale? Translucent? Are you describing your sweaty skin? I'm not dating.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I'm getting one, two. In his hometown, y'all! I'm getting it from five angles. No, that Johnny Depp... Okay, that's not it. But that's a good guess, I think. Is that a movie? Yeah, the Johnny Depp one. Can you say it again?
Starting point is 00:56:08 Man has made his match. Tron. Now. Nope. Tron. Now it's his problem. Oh. Nope.
Starting point is 00:56:23 Tron. You're sticking with Tron? I'm sure you don't want to try Tron Legacy. Tron Legacy. Both are wrong. But I do like that, oh, there's a lot of answers. You all seem to be, like, in the proper zone. That was the tagline, a tagline of several, for the movie Blade Runner.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Blade Runner. Blade Runner. Yeah. Rest in peace, Roy Batty. Rutger Hauer just passed away recently. Yeah. All right. Somebody just got that news. That's what we're here for.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Starting back with you, Zach. It started as a dream. It became a fantastic adventure. Let's go with the passion of the Christ. That is how you play. Dare I say you nailed it. Somebody crown me already. Dale?
Starting point is 00:57:49 A never-ending story? Oh, I like that big flying doggy. Is he a doggy? No, he's a donkey. What's his name? Does he have a name? Thalphor. Thalphor.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Thalphor. All right. There's no voice for that that was just a sidebar anyway um wait what'd you guess never an extra oh yeah okay this one is it started off as a dream. And now, it's become an adventure. Kind of like all of us here tonight. So, I'm going to say, Inception. I mean, that is exactly what that movie... I mean, it's kind of a scary adventure, not a fantastic one. But the one in the movie that they're talking about is pretty scary, too.
Starting point is 00:58:49 That is the tagline for a movie called Space Camp. Space Camp. Sometimes... Zach. Sometimes what you're looking for is right beside you. So turn and look at Dale. Was that what you were looking for? Is it any movie starring Gene Wilder?
Starting point is 00:59:16 No, I'm going to guess The Indian in the Cupboard. Real mixed reaction from the crowd on that one. But that is incorrect. Dale? Stuck on you? Oh, look at that. No.
Starting point is 00:59:36 That is fun. Oh, what a good guess. The real tagline for that movie is like, when you're stuck to an asshole. It's something obnoxious, but that's a very sweet version. The space between us. Hmm, okay.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Is it not it? No. It's not, I know. Yeah, because they had so much space between them. They weren't right next to each other. Well, they were eventually, sure. So it's right. I get the point.
Starting point is 01:00:07 She said it. No, it's wrong. She's right that you should be right. But I'd just like you to be right on your own. I'd like you to be right the fair way. And nobody was going to get this one.
Starting point is 01:00:23 This was a tough one. It's a motion picture called Secret Admirer from 1985 that has nothing to do but if you'd seen it you'd know that it's right beside you is it like a rom-com?
Starting point is 01:00:38 I mean don't come to Douglas movies and sit around going what? when I talk about movies please I beg you there's also a theme and some people have already figured it out. Zach.
Starting point is 01:00:52 Yes. If you've never had them before, you're going to get them now. I don't know why you're talking. Please don't. Let's go with eight-legged freaks. I like it. Got another what out of the audience.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Nailing on the what. Dale? Never had them. Gremlins 2? So close, dude. Yeah, full title. Gremlins 2. Dale doesn't know.
Starting point is 01:01:45 That'd be a great full title for any sequel. Just talk about one guy who's not familiar with the franchise. Transformers 12.
Starting point is 01:01:57 Dale is not familiar with these films. If you've never had them before, you get them now. Tremor? Full title.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Tremor. Tremors. Tremors. All right, I just got to take a second. Did you all hear yourselves giving her the answer by making that noise? And do you understand that we're playing a game and that she had to arrive at it on her own and that you're not here to help her? Do you understand that? Do you have that?
Starting point is 01:02:37 Like for the rest of the show, if you ever think, oh, I know the answer, I'm going to help. Just don't. Just sit there and watch. know the answer, I'm going to help. Just don't. Just sit there and watch. Pretend you're listening to it at home where you can't contribute at all. Where this is going to just become that kind of show.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Are we right? Because between people saying the answer is an asshole who laughs at anything and doesn't get it when you say stop doing that. Please stop doing that. All through my show last night and then again tonight, I got a deal with this
Starting point is 01:03:07 person. They said to me after the show, we're coming back tomorrow night. We're going to sit in the front row again. They announced to me that I have to be ready for them to annoy me for the entire show. Thanks a lot, guys. If the audience at home wants to hear what we go through, just play the episode again. Twice.
Starting point is 01:03:23 Back to back. I don't get it. To hear the laughing twice. That's the other thing, though, is I don't know if the listeners are going to be able to hear her. They will. You think? For sure. Why don't you reenact it real quick? What does it feel like? It feels...
Starting point is 01:03:40 No, do the laugh. Oh, man. What do we got? I can't get that high. Higher. Like when Hilary Duff sang in Italy as... You can just nail it. This is what dreams are made of, like up there.
Starting point is 01:04:03 No, this is nightmares, being forced to sing into a microphone. Is it tremors, though? No. Fuck! That's a pretty good answer, though. No, you guys are giving all good answers, and that's part of the fun, because this is a difficult game,
Starting point is 01:04:19 and you haven't figured out the theme, so you're not going to get any of these. It's pretty much going to come down to that, but it's still fun to play it out. That's a motion picture called The Willies. The Willies. You're not going to get... You may not have had them before, but you're going to get them now.
Starting point is 01:04:35 And if you say, what, after every title I say, Star Wars, what? It can't all be the biggest movies of all time. Especially because these are four fucking movies that I am in and a guy over there and a guy over there if they were on stage
Starting point is 01:04:52 they'd be getting the right answer because they know me and they've heard the show before and they know me dumb motherfuckers stupid motherfuckers stupid motherfuckers I tried to warn you. All right.
Starting point is 01:05:06 So there's one more. Just bear with me for one more, and then we'll play a game where you guys will know a million answers, and you'll have to also not yell them out. I saved the easy game for the end, and if you're a listener of the show, you know that, and so you can get through the tougher games,
Starting point is 01:05:21 and everybody's going to be fine. Zach? Yes? Just when you thought it was safe to be dead. I'm gonna go with Super High Me. Damn it. That was mine. It's true. That was smoke. All that weed smoking
Starting point is 01:05:50 made me miserable and I wish that were dead. Dale? What were you eating? When I say I'm in these movies, I should also point out that I'm not the lead character. It's not a movie. These aren't movies about me. I don't know. Twelve Angry Men and Doug?
Starting point is 01:06:12 A baker's dozen angry men. Hey, you guys voted yet? That's his whole scene. You guys done in there? For the win, Anna, what do you think? Say it again. I know, but just maybe just when you thought
Starting point is 01:06:30 it was safe to be dead it's a play on the old just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water which was Jaws 2 just when you thought it was safe to be dead think of a movie where people are dead and then there's a second one. When you're dead and then it's safe to be dead
Starting point is 01:07:07 the waking dead too friends someone in the audience repeated waking dead too back with disgust. What is that? Oh, grow up. You're thinking of Walking Dead?
Starting point is 01:07:30 And that's a TV show. So is Friends. Okay, wait, hold on. 28 Days Later 2. It's called 29 Days Later. Oh my god! Is that it though? No!
Starting point is 01:07:46 Oh, fuck! The classic sequel, 29 Days Later, Electric Boogaloo. All right, so that wraps up that game. What is it? It's called
Starting point is 01:08:03 Return of the Living Dead Part 2. Oh, shit. And all five of those movies are eligible to, they might be movies that we show at the Doug Benson Film Festival in Austin, Texas next week. At the Alamo Drafthouse. I'm going to be there with Master Pancake, and we're going to do a movie mock of three of the movies that I appear in as an extra.
Starting point is 01:08:33 I mean, in a couple of them, I'm more than an extra. Like in Return of the Living Dead 2, I play about a dozen different zombies during the course of the film. They just change my makeup so different that you can't tell it's the same guy. I want the show to be, y'all, not interrupting, but just like once every hour or so, you just pause and like, there, that's me, right there. And everyone looks, takes a photo, and just finishes the movie.
Starting point is 01:08:57 You're describing what we're going to do next week at the Alamo Drought House. The Ritz downtown location. And yeah, 7 o'clock Thursday, two shows on Friday night and different movie each time. So if you come to all three, you'll have to sit through three
Starting point is 01:09:13 of those movies I just mentioned. Because we're also going to let the audience vote. It's going to be super fun. All right, so let's play to wrap this up and pick a winner tonight. Let's play Last Man Stanton. Let's play to wrap this up and pick a winner tonight. Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Starting point is 01:09:31 Is it still 0-0-0? I got one. Oh, yeah, you got one. Yeah, but, you know, again, there's no point system to speak of. That's true. You just get to go first in this game, Zach, and the winner takes all. Whoever wins this one, we're going to get the names of some actors, take turns naming movies they were in. If you can't think of one, you can go to your lifeline once.
Starting point is 01:09:53 So, Anna, you can go to Tom, and Dale, you can go to Dave, and Zach. I've got Alma. Zach is hanging out with Alma. Me! You going to be a good lifeline, Alma? Uh. All my life. Has anybody ever done that?
Starting point is 01:10:14 Okay. Forget it. Well, at least now somebody has. And we got a record. Did you ever see Vampire's Kiss with Nicolas Cage? Yes! I didn't ask you, not Alma. Tom! That's Tom. Tom, shut up.
Starting point is 01:10:31 Have you seen it, Alma? Have you seen it, Alma? Have you, Alma? He's like screaming her name throughout the whole thing. It's crazy. Alright, you probably just sit there smiling. That's a different Alma I don't have to worry about it okay so we need I pre-selected some audience members to help us out with this so where is M for ss3y which I think kind of spells Massey
Starting point is 01:11:00 is that you is that what your name is supposed to mean? That's clever. So you couldn't get your name so you just threw some numbers in that look like the letters in your name. Okay and what do you do for a living? Civil engineer. You seem like a reasonable person. You seem very civilized. And what, um... Untuck your shirt for Pete's sake. No, tuck it in harder. Dale, do you have a... You should just go, it's just right. I'm sure everybody would be like,
Starting point is 01:11:40 it doesn't make... It's structurally designed to be tucked in. This is what I do. Or it's just right. Whatever. Did you say your first name? Oh, it's Patrick. Patrick.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Okay, good. You didn't, and so then I didn't forget. Patrick, who is your suggestion? What actor or actress would you like us to bandy about this evening? Bruce Willis. The great Bruce Willis. He's been in a lot of movies. There might be a little controversy
Starting point is 01:12:11 because he's done some movies that I've never heard of. So we'll work that out as we go. Are you all comfortable with the films of Bruce Willis? How do you feel, Anna? You know. I don't know. that's why I asked you are you thinking of some
Starting point is 01:12:29 yeah there's one where he shows his penis okay you don't have to I think you're thinking of Kevin Bacon but alright we'll get a second name just to be safe even though Bruce Willis has been in a million things let's get a second name and to be safe. Even though Bruce Willis has been in a million things.
Starting point is 01:12:46 Let's get a second name. And I would like to go out to someone named AndyJohn65. Right here. Hey, dude. How you doing? Great. What's your deal? What do you do for a living?
Starting point is 01:13:01 Operator of a chemical plant. Operator of a chemical plant. There's no one civil working over there? It's all just angry people? You wear gloves? Sorry. Are you into that? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:13:22 Do you swipe right on glove wearers OJ might have superpowers or something you never know I'm trying to get a feel for you if the glove does not fit I won't get it
Starting point is 01:13:40 what's your what's your suggestion dude Sally Field look at this you put her in a deeper hole with that one Sally Field I know two
Starting point is 01:13:56 and then a few Bruce Willis's so I think you're going to hang in there for a second plus you've got Tom helping you out in the audience when you need it here we go. Zach starts off. We'll switch the order around. I'm going to go second then.
Starting point is 01:14:11 In fact, I'll skip the first round. I'll let Anna go second. But the next round after that, Anna, I'm going to be here and I'm going to take you down. You take all the good ones. Say what? You take all the good ones. Well, I'll try not to. How's that?
Starting point is 01:14:23 I'll try to take ones I think you've never heard of. Perfect. I love it. Okay, here we go. Zach? Great, I'll take the bad ones. How about Pulp Fiction? I think they're clapping more for the movie than for you.
Starting point is 01:14:38 Right, yeah. It felt good, though. I'll take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. All right, so I'll say one that you don't know. Do you know that he was in a movie called Color of Night? That's the penis one I was thinking of. Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it. All right, so I'll say one that you don't know. Do you know that he was in a movie called Color of Night? That's the penis one I was thinking of.
Starting point is 01:14:48 Oh, yeah. Shit. Shit. But you didn't know what it was called. I was going to say Blue Velvet. Yeah, so it's a good thing you didn't try to guess that one. All right, give us one that he's definitely in. His penis and the rest of them as well.
Starting point is 01:15:08 Or Sally Field if you got a couple of those. Literally a couple. Yeah, just give us one. Dale, go. Your turn. No, wait, what? Oh, we're going this way? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:20 Okay. You switched the order around. Forrest Gump. What do you mean? What? Sally Field is. Forrest Gump. What do you mean? Sally Field is in Forrest Gump. Stop saying what when you don't know a thing. You can't go to
Starting point is 01:15:34 Jeffrey and go, what? After every question you don't know, which is all of them. Look, whoever wants to fist fight later, Doug and I will be outside with the hose. I'm just kidding. All right, Dale.
Starting point is 01:15:49 Mrs. Doubtfire. Damn it. I really wanted to say what again just to make me mad. Zach. Let's go die hard. Die hard. Oh, we're going to do that, are we? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:08 Oh, yeah. No. Oh, yeah. All right, I see what you're saying to me. I'll jump off of that. I'll say a western that he was in. Do you know any first-world westerns? It was called Sunset.
Starting point is 01:16:28 Yeah. Your turn, Anna. Don't ask them to yell things at you. You're right. You're right. Yes. She says the immortal line, Get Shelby some juice! Shelby needs juice!
Starting point is 01:16:47 Deal? Die hard, too. Get Shelby some juice! Shelby needs juice! Dale? Die hard, too. Die harder. You looked like you were going to stop me from saying that. Because he said die hard, then it was my turn. You looked at me like, don't! All right, well, it's Zach's turn anyway, Zach. Let's go live free or die hard.
Starting point is 01:17:08 It's the easiest applause. He was in a movie. His first ever movie as a lead actor, I think, was with Kim Basinger. It was called Blind Date. You don't have to confirm when I say a correct answer I love movies he's in a movie with Nicole Kevin called The Peacemaker
Starting point is 01:17:31 who is? Bruce Willis no he isn't you guys please just let me run it you don't get to sit there and say whether the answers are right or wrong I'm running the show do you listen to the show or do you just wander in here like does somebody work here are right or wrong. I'm running the show. Do you listen to the show or do you just wander in here?
Starting point is 01:17:47 Like, does somebody work here that can go up to people and get in their head when they're yelling out answers and, no? And what? Is that the secret of the secret group? Is anybody can say anything they want the entire time? It's a secret. The secret's out.
Starting point is 01:18:07 I wasn't thinking of that one. That's the wrong one I was thinking of. Correct. Do you want to go to your lifeline? No, hold on. Not yet, hold on. Three seconds. Three seconds, Doug?
Starting point is 01:18:21 Okay, fuck. Wait, now I have three seconds? Yeah, lifeline. Use your lifeline. Then you can think while the other people are talking. Disney's the kid he's going with. Even though this lady is speaking out loud the title of a movie, you are not her lifeline. What is happening?
Starting point is 01:18:45 What are you gesturing all around for? What is going on? I don't get it. I do not know how to make this stop. I do not know how to... If you do not understand the words, please stop speaking aloud. The kid...
Starting point is 01:19:00 Why are you turning your head? Because now she's officially not speaking aloud. All right, go ahead. Dizzy's the kid. What's that? She's like, I've never spoken. No, I know. It's really total gaslighting, and it's super irritating.
Starting point is 01:19:17 Dizzy's the kid. Yeah, that's correct. She's going to have some weird editing in this episode yeah like not eric not running it at all people don't need to listen to me people don't need to listen to me you know yelling at audience members that you can't hear like it's not like they're going to hear her saying the things she was saying. So it's just like, wow, this guy's just
Starting point is 01:19:49 snapping for no reason. Doug's shows have gotten... I've been doing this show for 13 years and it's just exhausting having to always sit up here saying, don't say the answers. I'm tired of it. I think I'm going to quit. I'm not fucking around now.
Starting point is 01:20:05 I think these people finally drove me to announcing. That's what Houston does, baby. We drive you to the moon and we drive you to the end of your podcast. That's what we do. I will say, this was my big shot. I hope you had a good birthday,
Starting point is 01:20:21 motherfucker. You fuck. Also, it's not even my turn, but I would like to say, punchline, Doug. What do you mean it's not your turn? Was it my turn? Okay, so I...
Starting point is 01:20:39 No, I mean, I'm saying, why are you going out of turn? The three of you, could you at least be the only people that cooperate with me tonight? And do things in the right fucking order? Is that so hard? Where are we at now? It's your turn, Dale. Oh, I don't know why I'm getting all of these.
Starting point is 01:21:01 Die hard with a vengeance. Yes. Zach, punchline Doug I'll go with we have so many Bruce movies to get through so many what we have so many Bruce Willis movies to get through with this energy oh you think some of the players are going to get through so many? That's why I'm also trying to make it go quicker. Your tone seemed very pointed.
Starting point is 01:21:34 Also, I'm looking right at you. Exactly! Alright, I'm going to go with how about what? All right, I'm going to go with... How about... What? Why are you trying to help me now? What is happening?
Starting point is 01:21:54 I'm out. I'm not going to play. Let's just finish this thing. Go ahead, Anna. Sybil. What? The TV show? Dale. Armageddon. Correct. Zach. Can I go to Lifelineeline or Alma Alma what he not not without my daughter thank you Alma
Starting point is 01:22:21 Dale? Me again? Yeah, because I'm out and Anna's out. She didn't even use her lifeline. She just said Sybil. Sin City. Okay. Zach?
Starting point is 01:22:44 Did I say punchline? Did I say punchline? Okay, good. I got nothing. Wait, actually, yeah. Enough with the what. You've seen what it's done. I got one. The fifth element.
Starting point is 01:23:09 Okay, you were a long out, but good job. You're not eligible to win, but terrific work. Sixth sense. You already said that. Has anyone said sixth sense? Yeah. Liar. Has anyone told you to not say whether one thing's happening or another? Like, I just don't.
Starting point is 01:23:26 You guys just really are just here to yell shit out. That's all you're here for. Go to Douglovesmovies.com. Oh, I give you an opportunity to yell shit out and you don't do it. Dale is our winner! Dave, all I got to do is push this stuff forward to you. This is awesome. You're right up front, ready to get your prizes.
Starting point is 01:23:57 Congratulations. Give it up for Dave, everybody. Let's do what? Also, I didn't want him to win because of the hand sanitizer I'm still bringing it back to that I'm angry about the hand sanitizer That's how you throw a game Is just winning the whole time And winning it, just winning it
Starting point is 01:24:19 Well, I didn't have a chance to do that We kind of got heated at the end of it It was just rapid fire But I was going to lose Oh, you were going to... But I was going to lose on purpose. You were going to jump out later just so he wouldn't get the prizes? For sure. All right, well, in that case, I'm taking the hand of Sanchez.
Starting point is 01:24:35 I like how you thought something on a carabiner was liquor. Like, that's tequila's the new click bar. That's the best liquor that you can just attach to your belt. Yeah, in case you get lost, relax a little bit. I love this thing. I have to shake hands with people. This stuff comes in handy. Zach Dixon, great first appearance, dude.
Starting point is 01:25:00 Oh, thank you so much. Happy fucking birthday. Did that guy do anything else besides saying it was his birthday? No, but he's really become the lightning rod for my fury right now. I apologize. Nice fucking birthday. Each one of us should pick somebody and then really go after them. Dale Cheeseman, what have you got to plug?
Starting point is 01:25:33 Check out, there's a show at Seeker Group here. The first one's a Saturday called Hot for Teacher. That's going to be awesome. Come check that out. Comedians teach you something throughout the show. So I'm Dale Cheeseman 4 on all the social medias, right? There aren't three, that's my name. Alright.
Starting point is 01:25:57 4 Cheeseman. Anna Mazza. I'm around Time's up. I'm quitting comedy after tonight. No, I'm all over Cincinnati. Or if you're listening to this and you want me to come to your city,
Starting point is 01:26:18 let's talk about it, you know? Let's see if I got one more thing I wanted to plug. Oh yeah, Dark Loves Movies, if it still exists, is going to come to Good Nights in Raleigh, North Carolina on Saturday, August 24th at 420. And thank you to the speaker group for having us
Starting point is 01:26:46 for all you guys for coming out tonight one more round of applause for all of my guests Zach Dixon Dale Cheeseman Anna Mazza and as always positive energy and Amaza. And as always,
Starting point is 01:27:09 positive energy! Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of both his view and prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Just Doug of the movies! Thanks again to good boys
Starting point is 01:27:29 and for anyone who listened to this entire episode thank you what if the guys who made super bad at sausage party made an R rated
Starting point is 01:27:38 comedy starring 12 year old boys well they did and it's the hilarious new movie good boys critics and audiences have been loving good boys raving that you'll laugh for 90 minutes straight, and it's the hilarious new movie, Good Boys. Critics and audiences have been loving Good Boys, raving that you'll laugh for 90 minutes straight,
Starting point is 01:27:48 and that it's delightfully inappropriate. Don't miss Good Boys in theaters August 16th, and I'll be back very soon with another new episode of Doug Loves Movies. Bye-bye.

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