Doug Loves Movies - Ben Bailey, Bridey Elliott, Clare McNulty, Kevin Avery and Graham Elwood guest
Episode Date: August 11, 2015Back at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug welcomes the stars of "Fort Tilden," Clare McNulty and Bridey Elliott, and comedians Ben Bailey, Kevin Avery and Graham Elwood to the show.... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates
candy wrappers, screaming babies,
sticky seeds with 50
acid pop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that
he won't see cause Doug
loves movies Hey, hey, hey everybody
My name is Doug
And you know a lot about me
And one of those things is that I love movies My name is Doug, and you know a lot about me.
And one of those things is that I love movies!
This is Pop-Pop Movies!
Coming to you once again from the Gramercy Theater in New York City,
one week after the last time we were here.
It's Monday, August 10th, I'm pretty sure.
2015.
Let me see all the name tags I saw last Monday.
There's some repeats for sure,
but there's a big Buscemi head,
which is scary.
Somebody's like, yeah, it was Steve Buscemi.
They figured it out.
And please, Katie in the front row,
if you could stand up and face the crowd for a second.
How fucking scary is this shit?
She's got like a, is that from a specific film?
What's that?
Killer Clowns from Outer Space look like that?
That's scarier than those guys for some reason.
I think it's scarier if it's a clown's face pulled over your own face.
Those clowns were real clowns in that movie, so they're not as scary.
We got the Steph brothers instead of Step Brothers. And I've never looked better in Will Ferrell's clothing or John C. Reilly's.
I don't know which one it is.
Weird Beyonce.
Brian's.
He said that so seriously.
Brian's.
But your name's not Brian's.
It's Brian.
Yeah, okay.
That's cool.
Mean who?
Mean Katie's instead of mean girls.
Doctor Strange. What? Justin? Mean who? Mean Katie's instead of Mean Girls Dr. Strange
What?
Justin?
Dr. Strange Justin?
Some people are just slapping their names into just anywhere
That's the only poster you had access to
Ghost Bilsters is back there
They've even got a lot
in the balcony this time.
What's the full metal jacket one?
Phil metal jacket.
Well, thank you to everybody
for bringing those.
I see some donuts.
We'll see if those get picked.
Holy shit, did I have a good time
doing Doug Lowe's movies
at the Leicester Square Theatre
in London, yeah
a trip back to the UK will happen
for sure, Kansas City
Missouri, Doug Lowe's movies comes to the improv
this Saturday, Rosemont
Illinois, I'm doing stand up on Sunday
at Zaney's
Toby Keith, I love this
fucking place adjacent
Rosemont Illinois
Phoenix, Dallas Wichita, DougLowe's Keith, I love this fucking place adjacent. Rosemont, Illinois.
Phoenix, Dallas, Wichita.
DouglasMovies.com for all of that stuff.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief,
tweets about movies.
TiredMemeCat on Twitter,
in reference to last Thursday's GOP presidential debate, tweeted,
This shit show is like choosing
what form Gozer will appear
as
this has been tree relief shit show edition
the prize bag has got
some lovely things in it that I brought
from there's a photograph
I was given at the Traverse
City Film Festival which i assume is
a picture of somewhere in traverse city uh we've got i've been got a few of these to give away
over the next few episodes and i'm very excited about it because i love the subject matter
uh kyle burbank's book the e-ticket life stories Stories, Essays, and Lessons Learned from My Decidedly Disney Travels.
I was reading on the airplane today all about Tokyo Disney and the differences.
Us Disney nerds like to discuss, does it have a bear country jamboree?
No, it's got Captain EO.
And then I say, I was in that, and the conversation stops.
I brought a copy of Promotional Tool, of course, and oh, a 20-pound
note that I didn't spend in London. It's always a fun game in the airport to try to spend all your
pounds, and I failed. Also some sunglasses somebody gave me somewhere that I'm not going to wear.
A cookie they gave me when I checked into the hotel today.
All of that
plus what my five guests
bring out here.
We got some newbies and some oldbies
and they are divided
on sexual lines.
Please give a big warm welcome
to Bridie, Elliot, Claire McNulty,
Kevin Avery, Ben Bailey,
and Graham Elwood!
Take control,
Graham Mercy.
Take control of Grand Mercy. Take control
of your theater.
Hi, guys.
Is that the guy
that always yells
Ben Bailey?
It's a new
Ben Bailey guy?
Fucking Ben Bailey guys.
They make me sick.
Let's meet the newbies, you guys, before we do anything else.
Please give a big warm, again, welcome to Bridie Elliott and Claire McNulty.
Bridie, closer to me.
Claire, there's more distance there between us.
That's not in relation to
where they are on the stage, just from the green room.
No. Stars of
the new hilarious motion picture
that's coming out this Friday
in some markets and on VOD
everywhere. A motion picture
called Fort Tilden. Has anybody seen it
already? You did?
Just the director. Tell us out loud.
How great is it?
It's great. Oh. already you did tell us tell us out loud how great is it oh I wish all critics were that easy good answer just repeat after me critic it's very fun it's to me it won this South by Southwest
was it the grand prize grand Grand jury prize. Yeah, grand jury fucking prize.
Hello.
That's a music festival, though,
isn't it?
Aww.
That's all the more reason to be proud
of them for winning. But no, it's
probably the third or fourth
most prestigious film festival in the world
at this point. I don't know the
specifics. We'll take that.
It's really prestigious. It's a really good ranking.
But also it's, you know, I hate to say a word like hipster or something like that, but, you know.
But you did.
Previously, they, you know, they've given Lena Dunham awards for her films there.
Like that's where films like that flourish.
And it reminded me of the great Martin Scorsese film,
After Hours,
but in the daytime and trying to get to the beach
instead of home.
Yeah.
Hope I didn't spoil it for anybody.
But also, did you film that in the warm weather
or did you have to pretend that it was warm
when you were shooting beach scenes?
We had to pretend, yeah, during the beach.
And towards the end of the shoot, it got a lot colder,
because we shot like two years ago
at the end of August into September.
When global warming wasn't so severe,
so it was a lot colder two years ago.
I don't know if you remember.
Yeah.
But so, yeah, there was a lot of cold.
But, yeah, the ocean was freezing at the end because we did it the last two weeks of August.
Spoiler.
Not only do they get to the beach, they get into the ocean.
Sorry.
But you don't know whether we drown.
Yeah, that's true.
And there's just so much fun along the way.
You just have a lot of crazy adventures, and I'm thrilled to have you on the podcast.
I just realized I watched the trailer for this the other day.
Hey.
Did you like the trailer?
I was sitting down there talking to you guys, and now I feel like an asshole.
I'm like, holy shit, I was just looking at that.
It looks hilarious.
You were just saying you're an asshole.
I know.
I know.
That is so crazy.
I know. I'm sure they did say that.
They both have different hair than in the movie.
So that's in your defense. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. So fuck you.
We're just really good.
I mean, we take it as a compliment. We're really,
you know, we're so, such good actors.
So versatile. Yes. And so different
in person. And that
speaking just now
is Kevin Avery, everybody.
Hey, folks. How are you?
Tremendous stand-up comedian
and also a writer on a show that I
just am so proud of you for being a
writer on it because every time I watch it, I go,
this shit is way too smart
and awesome.
It's a little program called
This Week with John Oliver.
Awesome show.
Thank you.
And didn't they recently, like, use your picture as an example of somebody that was a criminal or something?
I was a bounty hunter called Richard the Screwdriver.
And I don't know.
I'm not Richard, and I don't use a screwdriver,
but fuck it.
They made me look kind of menacing, too.
I was impressed with their work.
Look at me. I don't look like a bounty hunter.
No, you do kind of look like a Richard, though.
Do we? Do I? Really?
I see what you did there.
Dick.
Are we going to do this all night? All fucking nights?
I don't know if I'm smart enough for that
Can I change seats?
Let's talk to some white guys
Yeah
Alright
It's about time we got our fucking due
Tired of getting kicked around
This god damn socialist Obama country
Noted
Bane impersonator And always the winner of the Pete Holmes award It's Graham country. Your time is over. Noted Bane impersonator
and always the winner
of the Pete Holmes Award.
It's Graham Elwood, everybody.
Thank you, New York.
Oh, my God.
People love him.
What?
I said people love you.
It's fun.
I like...
I don't think I've done
this show here in New York
in a couple years.
Yeah, it's been a while.
I think the last time
you did it here, everybody got really drunk
and I threw everybody off the stage at the end.
I think I was here then, too.
I don't think you were.
But that's soon coming to Basic Cable.
They're finally doing a spinoff.
He's the host of Cash Crab.
It takes place at the beach on a cold
day and if people don't
win, they have to get in the water
with Bridie and Claire.
It's Ben Bailey!
A name people love to yell out
in a theater.
What's my name?
Billy!
That's fucking awesome.
You've got to do that everywhere.
You've got to just walk into a deli.
I don't think it'll work anywhere else.
I think that's part of this cult and no other place.
I think you're right.
It works at home and here, and that's it.
Well, it's nice to have you back.
The wife
and the kids are terrified.
That's how it is at my house.
If you live there, you shout my name
like that. Yeah, it's really intense.
You want to eat breakfast? You better shout
my fucking name when I say what's
my name. I assume you're talking to your cat
when you're doing that.
Cat, the fish, the dogs,
the whores,
anybody that
wants to fucking sleep there.
Seriously though, Ben.
The whores.
That was whores, plural,
not horse. Is Cash...
I don't expect a fucking horse to yell
my name. It's ridiculous.
Is Cash Uber
going to be a reality?
I want to see Cash Uber.
Technically,
he sleeps outside anyway.
What?
Where taxi drivers
attack the car
while they're trying
to answer trivia questions.
I got to ask Graham Elwood
to tell us a little something
about,
because it's almost here, and I think you can still get tickets, the L.A. Podcast Festival.
L.A. Podfest.
Yeah, well, we just announced today that Audible.com is the big overall sponsor.
So it's going to be the Audible Presents 2015 L.A. Podfest that will have Doug Loves Movies and Dining with Doug and Karen and 30-some other shows.
So go to lapodfest.com.
And you can buy the live stream if you can't make it out to L.A.
That's $25, but with coupon code, I believe, Benson or DLM.
I think it's DLM or maybe also Dining.
Dining.
Yeah, if you're a Dining with Doug and Karen fan.
Either one of those, you get five bucks off.
So you can watch the whole weekend and for three weeks after for 20 bucks.
Yeah, but come to California.
Come to the coast.
We'll have some laughs.
You can watch Ben yell at crabs.
It's fucking great.
We'll take off our shoes and we'll curl our feet into the carpeting until terrorists take over the building.
Yep.
Graham, what'd you bring
for the prize bag, buddy?
I bought an autographed copy
of the Comedy Film Nerd Guide
to Movies.
Yes.
Ow!
So I'm anxious to see
whose autograph is in there.
Oh, it says Graham Elwood.
Okay, that's an obvious one.
All right.
I'll sign it too,
but I'm going to just sign right on the front.
Who does that?
My name's on the front.
I wrote the foreword, so I believe I'm allowed to be very forward in signing the cover of the book.
Kevin, would you like to sign it?
There you go.
That's the coolest way everybody's ever held their microphone.
Right on the top.
Wow.
It's like you're ready to take a call.
Jesus.
All right, everybody, buckle up.
I didn't mean to do this.
I didn't mean to do this.
I apologize.
How do you do that?
That's some real rogue nation shit right there.
Ben Bailey, what do you got?
All right, I have.
What you brought got?
I brought got some good shit, dog.
Look, it's in your own bag.
The Nerf.
The Nerf.
With, uh...
A Pez dispenser?
Yeah, a Minion.
I just gave one away in the UK.
A Minion Pez dispenser.
Oh, it's Minion?
Everybody who loves Indespicable Me.
The trouble with Minions is you just don't see them anywhere.
Why are they so shy?
They skitter underneath the furniture when you turn the lights on.
A copy of my first CD that I recorded myself.
So the sound is terrible, but it's fucking funny.
And this picture on the front, I actually, this is how long ago I made this.
I actually made a sign that said the words Ben Bailey Boulevard on it
and nailed it to a fucking post in a field.
Like this is pre-Photoshop, you know?
I actually had to fucking do this.
I'm kneeling in a wheat field to make it look like that.
It's really nice.
So the cover looks great, but the sound sucks.
So I threw one of these in, too.
It was a DVD, my Road Rage and Accidental Ornithology DVD.
Sometimes you study ornithology by accident.
Yeah, of course.
Makes sense.
And it's all in a Who's Still Standing bag,
which is from a show that I hosted on NBC, a game show,
where people drop through trap doors if they got the trivia questions wrong.
Oh, I remember that.
Which was pretty fucking cool, but it turns out it's a little
dangerous.
And that's
it. That's my addition to tonight's gift bag.
Just pass it down
and sign the book if you
don't mind.
Make sure I get that sharpie back.
I'll sign this right under Frank Sinatra.
Wow, flimsier bag than it looks.
Oh, I don't know.
I'm going to go ahead and transfer everything into the laundry bag that I brought.
That's a solid bag.
Claire McNulty, what do you have for us today?
That whole food's that bag.
I'm good.
Graham, sign it again.
Okay, cool.
He's already signed it, so I'm just going to go ahead and pass it back toward you.
Oh, we're passing it back.
Sorry.
I have a drink in one hand.
Oh, God.
What do you got for the prize money, Claire?
I'm fucking up Doug's whole show, as usual.
I'm not trying to, but I'm totally fucking up.
So our movie is about two girls who are trying to get from
Williamsburg to Fort Tilden, and they have a lot of trouble
along the way. Okay, don't spoil it.
Do you guys go to the
beach at all?
The beach is called
Fort Tilden. I can't answer that.
And so we thought it might be
nice to offer a
prize where it makes it really easy to get to Fort Tilden.
So nowadays there are these party buses that run from Williamsburg to Fort Tilden.
And it's this Saturday.
So whoever gets it better be fucking ready to party.
This girl in the fourth row, she's like, fucking party bus.
Do you have a birthday sash and you're just going to vomit on your high heels later?
It's two tickets so you can go with your friend.
Yeah, exactly.
The thing that you're looking at right now, Doug, I think which is making you uncomfortable is that there's a waiver.
You have to sign a waiver.
You have to sign the waiver.
You can't sign the waiver.
No beach if you don't sign the waiver.
Got to sign the waiver. So are't sign the waiver. No beach if you don't sign the waiver. Gotta sign the waiver.
So, are you ready?
That's what would keep your...
I'll repeat that.
Your characters would not get to the beach via this bus because one of you would refuse to sign the waiver.
There would be a character that I pitched.
You have to sign the waiver.
And that's what she does.
That's her scene.
That's her whole...
Yeah, she doesn't want to sign the fucking
waiver. What could happen on the bus
that you would have to sign a waiver?
Well, I was
just about to bring up a really sad story,
but I'm not going
to.
I'm not going to.
People die on party buses all the time, you guys.
It's not a fucking joke.
Party bus crashing is an issue.
It's going to be a serious issue in the 2016 presidential debate.
So.
I heard that Donald Trump's going to build a big wall around party buses.
Weirdly, Donald Trump has his own party bus and it's full of underage women.
On their periods.
So...
Yeah, and then he just goes,
you're fired,
and kicks him off the bus.
Good stuff.
Kevin, what do you got
for the prize bag, buddy?
Oh, I...
You got your own bag.
I got my own bag.
You got a lot of bags
and envelopes.
It's the last week tonight
tote bag,
and then there's...
That's the best reaction a tote bag's gotten on this show.
I don't know what the fuck just happened, but...
As, like, one of the three black people in this room,
I am scared shitless right now.
So, okay, I see you wooing, bro,
but you better have my back if some shit goes down.
And one guy pointed...
What the fuck?
Okay.
I got a bag of some shit.
There's a Last Week Tonight mug in the air.
John Oliver's in here.
There's a Last Week Tonight hat.
Nice.
And a t-shirt.
They love the Last Week Tonight swag.
I know.
It's just a bunch of crap.
There's a t-shirt in here somewhere. I don't know. I don't have's just a bunch of crap. There's a t-shirt in here somewhere.
I don't know. I don't have to prove it to you.
It's fucking in here. It also says
last week tonight. Is this what they
pay you with?
This is my paycheck.
And then
this is a lunchbox?
I don't know what the fuck this is. What?
That's what they said.
That's what they said.
That's what they said. That's what they said. That's what they said.
Yeah, I can see that.
It's insulated.
If you don't have anything that's too squashable, you can just throw it in there and zip it up.
Got my lunch.
So, you know, and that's that.
Weird.
All right.
All of that's going to be somebody's, along with all the great prizes.
Thank you to everybody.
Thank you for bringing such good stuff.
And let's start with Graham there on the other end.
And tell us, Graham, have you been to the cinema?
Actually, I finally got to see Trainwreck, and that movie is goddamn hilarious.
The movie is so hilarious movie so funny like
it's rare to like
a comedy
front to back
like no
I love the whole thing
I like to wipe
front to back
but you're right
come on Doug
alright
I've just never heard
that expression
other than
in wiping situations
that's the only time
it's ever used.
Front to back.
I liked it front to back.
How was that football game?
Oh, sweet.
Front to back.
Front to back.
Good game.
Hey, that's how I wipe my ass.
We should go out together.
I have a sweet weird lunchbox
that looks like a Muppet.
That's terrific that you love train wreck.
Can you turn anybody on to
a newer, like an
independent film or something that might not be
on their radar? A great little indie film
called Fantastic Four.
Wow, is that
a boring bag of dicks?
That's all I got.
I got wiping front to back
and I got fucking bag of dicks. That's what I got for you. The four back. I got wiping front to back, and I got fucking bag of dicks.
That's what I got for you.
The four people that play the Fantastic Four are terrific young actors.
I know.
When you see them doing press, it looks like they're at jury duty.
Like they all are contractually obligated.
You're not contractually obligated to support your film, are you, Bridie, Claire?
Support it?
Not contractually.
Yeah.
No.
You're not being forced to do this today.
No, no, no.
Okay, good.
It wasn't like...
I mean, we're both scared.
I know.
Does that count?
I think...
It's just hard to get Ben Bailey seated far enough away from you to not...
Yeah, look at that.
He's just scary.
He can't help it.
Have you been to the movies lately, Ben?
Maybe with your kids or something?
I haven't gone to the movies in a long time.
But what have you seen on your personal device after the kids are asleep?
What I've watched of late, I watched Interstellar.
You're having trouble sleeping or something?
Not until...
That's one that purists will yell at you
for not watching it in a big, huge theater
and it's a big sound and everything.
Yeah, well, I have a big screen in my house.
Oh, okay. Fancy.
Because you're rich.
No.
No, it's actually cheaper than a big screen TV if you get a projector.
Oh.
Yeah.
Like reel-to-reel, the whole deal?
Reel-to-aim it at.
But I'm a Christopher Nolan fan, so I was like, I have to watch Interstellar,
even though I'm kind of like, oh, what's this going to be?
Like, you know.
But I thought it was good.
You got through it all right?
I did. I enjoyed it.
That always sounds like a
glowing recommendation.
I did.
Yeah.
It was okay.
I watched it.
I just wasn't
crazy about it.
Me neither.
Movies don't have to reconcile. The facts, the storyline like movies don't have to reconcile the facts.
The storyline of movies do not have to reconcile
the way they once did.
People watch them and just go, oh, that was cool.
It captivated me, but at the end,
if I can't put the pieces together, I'm like,
bullshit.
You take that puzzle back to the store.
Take it back and go, this fucking puzzle
doesn't fit together. I've been jamming them against
each other all day.
I want my money back.
It's another movie.
I'd like to see the real five and a half hour version that they shot.
Do you think that would make it better?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
And then you could really understand it all, at least.
Well, that's when Batman shows up and tries to get Catwoman back.
I don't know that they shot a five and a half hour version.
It's just a guess.
Yeah, well, you just made that up.
I did just make that up.
Is that how you did it on Cash Cap?
Yep.
Just making it up as you go?
Wrong!
Roosevelt!
You just asked me
what the best,
the top disco song
from the 70s was.
I don't remember Roosevelt
being one.
Only during stoplight challenges.
Stop sign challenges, even quicker.
Claire, what about you?
I enjoyed watching it.
Have you seen any movies lately?
What movies have I seen?
Yeah.
Before I do this, I just want to say,
I think it'd be really fun if Interstellar
just turned into Armageddon at the end.
I haven't actually seen Interstellar,
but I feel like those two movies
should be the same movie.
No, they're very different.
It's okay.
That's what would make it good.
Contact and Interstellar, maybe.
I saw Trainwreck also,
and I enjoyed myself very much.
I watched Minority Report on the plane yesterday.
Really?
Yeah, with commercials.
Hello.
What?
Why did you...
Why'd I do that?
Why'd you watch that movie?
You'd never seen it before?
No, I'd seen it before.
I just...
My computer was out of juice
and I had no idea what to do.
So I watched Minority Report
and I loved those tiny little spiders.
Do you guys remember those spiders?
Oh, yeah.
They're scary. I don't... Do you guys remember those spiders? Oh, yeah. They're scary.
I don't...
You don't remember those spiders?
I just...
The only thing I think of
whenever I think of Minority Report
is Tom Cruise going...
Doug, we're almost there.
That's the whole movie.
We're so close to that being reality, though.
Now Robert Downey Jr.
does it in every movie he's in.
Yeah.
I know.
Avengers, Due Date, The Judge.
Like what?
Yeah, that's how he talks to Robert Duvall.
You are a bad father.
So what is going to be the future after that, you know?
Like how are they going to do future movies where people are touching screens that
aren't there anymore i think that uh yeah you don't have an answer i think even tom cruise
couldn't have could have predicted a car that parks itself like that's there's some crazy
shit in in our actual future that's right now it's not that crazy it's not that crazy. It's not that crazy. It's just weird.
It's just like...
Oh, yeah.
Does the computer
that's parking in your car,
does it, like,
do a bad job
if people are watching?
That's how it normally works.
I'm great at payload parking
if there's nobody
in the passenger seat.
Does a hand come out
of the dashboard
and just accidentally
slap the person
in the passenger seat
when it puts the look
behind you?
All right, I guess I'm the only guy who does that.
Fuck off.
Bridie?
I saw a different Tom Cruise movie.
Can you guys guess?
It's in theaters right now.
Oh.
Mission Impossible?
Mission Impossible 5.
Am I Rogue rogue nation?
Yeah, right.
I didn't know the second part.
No idea that was the second part.
Well, you know, because
everybody in that movie,
everybody goes so rogue in that movie.
Yeah, I felt like he's like...
From what I heard.
It's a nation of people going rogue.
If a whole nation goes rogue, it's not really going rogue at all, is it?
It's just being a nation.
It's a status quo.
What a stupid name.
Well, check out the movie.
Mission Impossible 6, a group of individuals.
I don't know.
I mean, Ghost Protocol,
you can't,
it's hard to top Ghost Protocol
for just two random words
thrown together.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, you know,
and then a picture of a guy
in a hoodie,
like that's Ghost Protocol.
Ghost Face Killer Protocol.
But what did you say you saw oh yeah it's an impossible
and you liked it or no i was i mean i slept a lot oh okay you got some naps in yeah i thought
i thought it was good when i was awake but there was friend. This was my friend's opinion who had seen other Mission Impossible, which I hadn't.
This was my first.
She said that there was no sense of danger.
That's why we all fell asleep.
I like that critique.
Isn't that smart?
I like that.
Doesn't that sound smart?
I have a theory that you fell asleep because Alec Baldwin, even when he's yelling, is still whispering.
Yeah.
So it's very easy to just, when they're...
He's also got really meaty hands, and you just know if the problem is in his hands, it's going to be okay.
Because he can handle whatever, you know?
Just meaty hands.
Wait, Baldwin or Tom Cruise? Baldwin has meaty hands. Wait, Baldwin or Tom Cruise?
Baldwin has meaty hands. Oh, guess!
Guess!
Tom Cruise, meaty hands, or Alec Baldwin?
Hey, look, we're all
getting older.
You hang off the side of a plane long enough, your hands
are going to get meaty. Yeah! Shit should be
swollen as fuck!
Okay, so he gets into the plane, right?
They open the door for him.
And then he attaches himself
to all those, what looks
like bombs or something that are in the back of the
plane, right? Yeah. And then he's
like, ha ha! And he cuts the cord
and him and the bombs are going to fall out of the
back of the plane. And then they go to the
opening credits and never mention it or
show that again.
To me, it's like, okay, yeah, he got in the plane,
but it's just as interesting how he gets back down to the ground safely.
But he's fucking Ethan Hunt, so you don't need to worry,
and there's no sense of danger.
Ethan Hawk.
Yeah, he's fucking Ethan Hawk.
Is that what you said?
I haven't seen this movie.
His name's Ethan Hunt, but you might have slept through that part.
They don't mention his full name while he's hanging off the side of the plane.
It's just Benji, Ethan, Ethan, Benji.
They completely did not.
I thought you were joking, like, referring to Ethan Hawke.
I thought you were, too.
It would be fun if I was.
I thought you...
I would enjoy it.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Kevin?
I also saw Rogue Nation.
But I loved it.
Don't say it like you're going to get attacked.
Like I'm...
I can't tell.
I'm in the minority report on this.
Nice callback.
I've been arguing with people about it.
People love it
to me it was just like an assemblage of the kinds of things
that have happened in all of the Mission Impossible movies
without the danger
without any real
I hate that they can just constantly go
I'm on this side now
I'm going to take this mask off now
and I'm going to be this instead
it's just all funhouse mirrors
and no true reflection.
Wow.
Holy shit.
Whoa, getting on the for real
tip, bro.
No true reflection.
Is that genuinely what you're looking for when you go to a Mission
Impossible movie?
Tony, Ghost Protocol pulled it off.
It did.
A little gentleman named Brad Bird directed that
and I'm looking forward to
The Incredibles Part 2.
Because The Incredibles
is the best Mission Impossible movie.
It's definitely
not better than 3 and 4.
It's just below those.
And then the first two to me don't exist.
Two is a piece of shit.
But that's where the series got off to a bad start.
In number one, I think his name is Jim Phelps, played by Jon Voight.
He's the guy in charge of the agency.
And he turns out to be the bad guy.
It's like, can you fucking relax?
Maybe do that two or three pictures in?
Like, why such a big reveal in just the first one?
Or how about never do that?
How about that's like, oh, this one, Alfred's going to go.
He's going to work with the Joker
that's the fucking
dumbest thing
I've ever heard
in my life
Jim Phelps
is never gonna
fucking turn
on that's never
gonna goddamn happen
it's bullshit
get the fuck
out of here
Jesus Christ
but I can
but Graham
I can see it now
I can see it now
are you ready
for your makeup sir
that's Alfred working with the Joker.
So...
I guess I should have done a Michael Caine impression.
Yeah, that was...
Instead of just a generic Alfred voice.
Are you ready for your makeup?
Nice.
Who the fuck was that?
Mr. Bean?
Who the fuck was that? No, Bean? Who the fuck was that?
No, you were right.
You should do it
with an impression.
Hello,
you ready for your makeup?
While you put on your makeup,
I'm gonna drink
my phony blanca.
Can we just do an hour
of dueling Alfreds?
I bet you we could.
Also, I saw Fantastic Four today.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, just because you felt like you needed to see something to prepare for tonight?
I just wanted to see it.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Did you pay for a different movie and sneak in at least?
No.
What movie?
I walked in there with my own free will and money.
What did you see?
Fantastic Four.
Fantastic Four.
Look, I knew it would be.
You want to fucking turn on me?
I just wanted to see,
you know,
but yeah, it was a...
What would you...
Dicks?
Lots of dicks?
Yeah, there's a bag of dicks.
Bag of dicks.
Bag of dicks?
Bag of dicks.
I think it was a boring bag of dicks.
Yeah, boring bag of dicks.
Got hit with a dick in that movie.
Do you think they were trying too hard
to be like a serious Christopher Nolan take
on Fantastic Four
and then that's why he got so dreary?
I think, yeah,
and I think that's the problem
that has happened since the Dark Knight movies.
It's like, oh, we gotta make it gritty.
No, you don't.
Like Superman didn't,
Superman's never been gritty.
Superman's always been
woo-woo, fucking bright and apple pie
and this one was just boring.
Did you see Man of Steel, dude?
Oh.
Yeah, Man of Steel sucked.
Yes, exactly.
I liked Man of Steel
better than I liked Fantastic Four.
What about that movie?
Well, you could list off
about a million movies right now
that you like better
than Fantastic Four.
That's really no way to judge.
But what about Focus?
The Will Smith movie?
Yeah, what about Focus?
Was that a real movie
or was that a billboard?
I thought that was an ad
for sunglasses.
I thought the movie
was called Don't Lose Focus
because all the ads
had don't lose in front of the word focus.
But then they both had sunglasses on.
You don't know who it is.
Yeah, that's a weird movie.
I was looking for new focus sunglasses.
It just made pickpocketing look like something you could learn in an afternoon.
The girl becomes so great at it so fast
and nobody wants her.
She goes, my wallet!
Which I think I would do if I didn't have my wallet
firmly attached to my
ass. Yeah, that was
a weird movie. How the most weird did you
see that? What? Focus.
Where did I see it?
Yeah. Like, in a motion picture theater?
They're having trouble, the projectionist was having trouble though
so I did have to yell focus a few times
oh brother
well done sir
well done
I don't trust an audience that gets that excited
about a bag that says
last week with John Oliver on it
I can't trust your judgment.
Don't know what the fuck is happening.
Well, here's another one you'll enjoy.
I saw Run All Night on the airplane.
Not about diarrhea.
I was hoping...
I was hoping that Liam Neeson
was a man with a set of skills
that do not come in handy when you're suffering from diarrhea.
Is that the movie with the guy from The Following?
That guy from The Following, you know?
Kevin Bacon?
No.
You mean the bad guy in The Following?
Sounds like no.
I think no.
But maybe.
He's his son?
People are muttering.
Yeah, yeah, that's probably the guy.
Is that like Take-10 or something?
Kyle Tinaman or something like that?
Yeah, yeah, Tinaman.
Joel.
Joel Tinaman.
Joel Tinaman.
I like him.
He's in both.
Good.
Bam, we did it.
He's in both.
And nobody here knows his father.
If it's wrong,
contact the corrections department.
He's a miserably.
He's a baby, you dummy.
He's in The Killing, right?
Nobody knows who he is.
Joel Kinnaman.
Was the new Robocop also.
Bob Flynn.
You said the following.
Let's not get in the mood to yell out shit.
The Killing.
The Killing.
Johnny Rinneman.
Here's the part of the show
where I say,
let the games begin
oh shit
I was born in the darkness
bring your name tags out of the shadows
oh my god
scariest name tag ever right up front
ok wait
but anyway
each of my guests please put down your microphones
and go pick a name tag that you want to play for.
The giant Steve Buscemi head is suddenly saying Ben Bailey.
So he probably just brought a blank words bubble and then slapped it on there when he saw Ben.
So just so you know, Ben, There's a minion out there, Ben.
Oh, he's taking the bait.
Good job.
All right, we'll be right back after these messages.
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Back to the show.
We're back, and Graham picked out the creepy killer clowns mask.
Woo!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Killer Clowns mask.
I'm going to make a balloon animal out of your head.
I don't like that at all, Graham.
I don't like it
when you find a new character.
A new crazy voice.
And that's Katie
who made that.
Yay, Katie! Yeah, Katie. A new crazy voice. And that's Katie who made that. That's pretty cool.
Yay, Katie! Yeah, Katie.
What's your Twitter, Katie Freeman?
With no initial or anything?
Kate, zero Freeman.
Kate, Kate, Kate, zero Freeman.
All right, good luck finding her.
And Ben Bailey's playing for
the Buscemi head
yeah
giant Steve Buscemi head
he slapped a Ben Bailey thing on there
if someone told me when I was a kid
one day you'll see a giant picture of Steve Buscemi
across a crowded room
and you'll be drawn to it
you'll run right to it
and grab it and run back
so what's the name of the lady that made that one? what's your name? to it. Yeah, you would never believe that. You'll run right to it and grab it and run back. It's a dream.
So what's the name of the lady that made that one?
What's your name?
Sarah, because you know the idea is to make a name tag.
Oh, okay.
That's the best place for your name on a name tag is on the part we can't
see.
But there's also probably a shithead on the back too,
so don't read that, Ben.
Okay. Am I supposed to be reading something that's on here?
Keep it together.
No, no, we just figured out her name is Sarah, so we're good.
I mean, am I supposed to be reading something that's on here?
Graham, stop it with the crazy voices.
What are you talking about, Doug?
Claire, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for, it says, Bill Manley having to do digital.
Oh, shit.
What happened?
That's the thing I was just saying.
Don't read the thing on the back.
We'll read that at the end if you lose.
Oh.
But you're playing for Billbusters.
I'm playing for Ghostbillsters.
Billsters.
Ghostbillsters.
Not Billbusters.
Ghostbillsters.
Ghostbillsters. Is it okay?. Ghost Bilsters. Ghost Bilsters.
Is it okay?
Is everything okay?
And he sounds like he's got an elaborate shithead on the back.
Bridie, who are you playing for?
Jack and Jill?
The movie?
The people from the movie gave this to me.
Which one is here, Jack or Jill?
Or is that a team effort?
Jill.
Jill, okay.
Jill.
Cool. Good job, Jill. And you put? Or is that a team effort? Jill. Jill, okay. Cool.
Good job, Jill.
And you put some, is that what attracted you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To find this little bottle.
Yeah, no, this area of the poster.
Do you want to drink that?
Yes, she does.
I say tear it off and drink it right now.
That's peer pressure.
Drink it.
Drink it.
Guys, I am actually...
That's every movie and TV show
where a woman's not drinking
it's because she's pregnant.
There's no other reason to not drink.
But that's okay.
You don't have to drink it right now.
I'll sip it.
I mean, if that's what you guys want me to do,
I'll fucking sip it. I'm not going to chug it and have to go to drink it right now. I'll sip it. I mean, if that's what you guys want me to do, I'll fucking sip it.
I'm not going to chug it and have to go to the emergency room tonight.
Good call.
Hey, donut man, toss me one.
Let's throw some goddamn donuts at some shit.
Oh!
Give me that whole box.
That never happens in sports.
You got half of it.
Oh, my God! That never happens in sports You got half of it Oh my god Oh Doug just took a donut
Straight to the balls
To the people at home
Doug just took a donut straight to the balls
And it's a glazed one too
One game of ring toss
My balls are glazed
But that's the great
It's the great thing about a donut
Even hurled hard at your balls,
it's still just a donut.
So it's not too painful.
But this other one just fell
apart in my hand when I caught it.
But this one's in good
shape. This one's going to the balcony.
Oh!
Oh!
I'm going to hit the back row of the balcony. As it turns out. Oh, give me some.
I'm going to hit the back row of the balcony. Very front of the balcony, as it turns out.
Who are you playing for, Kevin?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
The war is about to go down in here.
I'm playing for Boba Fett, this gentleman right there.
And he's got a full on.
Wait, which one?
It's you, right?
Yeah, right.
There you go.
It's a full-on Boba Fett helmet.
You were actually wearing it.
Was it...
How'd it smell in there?
It's hot as fuck.
Yeah.
It smells all right.
All right.
Smells...
Have you worn this before?
Not since I was ten.
Well, all right.
I'm the next to catch a predator.
Okay.
Well, all right, I'm the next to catch a predator.
Okay.
You didn't know what you were saving that for until now, did you?
All right, well.
Put it on. Thank you.
Put it on.
He did have it on already.
I did put it on.
He walked around with it on, yeah.
I was all excited.
Shit already happened. That was nice. Now walked around with it on, yeah. Shut up. I was all excited. Shit already happened.
I was nervous.
Now fall into the Sarlacc pit.
What did...
Did you catch me?
What are you doing with your water right now?
I got donut all over my hands, so I'm using my own cocktail...
Oh, you're cleaning your hands?
...to clean my hands.
You're going to drink it anyway, right?
You know, alcohol is one of the better cleaning agents.
Yeah, I heard that.
None of us could open the whiskey.
Yeah, we couldn't open it.
What?
Boba Fett can open that fucker.
One try.
Oh, yeah.
FYI, Ben.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ben couldn't open it either.
All right, Graham's got a whole bag of dick donuts now.
Bag of dick donuts. Here it either. All right. Graham's got a whole bag of dick donuts now. Bag of dick donuts.
Here it comes.
They're ready. Oh, balcony.
Did I hit the sound guy? I'm
sorry, dude. Right in the kisser.
Hit him right in the mouth.
He's going to cut off my mic.
You got more there? Yeah. All right.
Let's just get this over with.
We're not here to throw donuts.
Just like middle school for me.
Oh, this guy's got a target.
I'm going to hit that fucking target.
Oh, yeah.
Hit that fucking target.
Oh.
I got a point.
I got a point.
You got one point.
All right.
Somebody keep track.
Catch.
Go ahead.
Someone's holding up a minion.
All right, I'm going to hit the minion.
That guy just threw a weed pop up here.
Oh, it's a weed pop.
All right.
Oh!
Wow.
Wait, have some drink.
That minion took it hard.
Graham is letting out some junior high aggression.
He never drinks while he's throwing donuts.
Pass it back the other way.
All right, who's got something you want me to hit?
Anyone got a stupid face?
This guy just stood up.
I'm going to hit you right in your plaid shirt.
Oh, he's keeping it.
Here we go.
Get down.
Don't do this.
Why are you doing this?
Oh!
USA! USA! USA!
USA!
USA!
USA!
USA!
I genuinely don't understand.
What's my name?
Fucking awesome.
You still with me, brother?
You still with me, right?
You still with me?
Fucking awesome.
You still with me, brother?
You still with me, right?
You still with me?
What is happening?
I wish that the viewers, listeners... I wish that the listening viewers at home
could see Claire's face during all this.
She's not about violently throwing donuts at people.
No one had a better view
better view
of that fucking
donut hitting that guy
than the two of us
I tried to ask him
why he was doing
what he was doing
but he didn't answer me
he just
he stood so stoically
put his hands
behind his back
and closed his eyes
and fucking waited for it
I just feel like
there's something
deeper going on with you
well he's eating
the donut right now
he was hungry that's all fucking amen I just feel like there's something deeper going on with you. Well, he's eating the donut right now.
He was hungry.
That's all.
Amen.
That's what we're doing, guys. We're helping people.
We're feeding homeless.
We're doing a good job here tonight.
I'm afraid what happens is people are bringing the donuts because they want that to happen.
Yes.
I don't know who.
So then we oblige, unfortunately.
That's not cool
to encourage
that sort of thing.
You got any more
donuts in that bag?
Yeah, I got one more.
I'm going to fuck someone up.
She's literally
running from the room.
Yeah, let me throw one.
Ben Bailey,
ladies and gentlemen.
This is a good greasy one.
Wait, the guy,
what's the name of the guy
throwing the donut?
That shit is still scary.
I'm going up top.
Open your mouths, motherfuckers.
Nice.
Wow.
That was excellent.
That was effortless, dude.
You just fucking Aaron Rodgers.
Just beautiful, gorgeous. That was effortless, dude. You just fucking Aaron Rodgers. Just beautiful.
Gorgeous.
That was nice.
That was my Aaron Rodgers impression.
That was an elegant throw.
No wonder he's such a great quarterback.
He's the biggest eyes of any human.
Doug, can Ben have some of your drink?
His hand is covered in sugar.
I'm not drinking the one that I use.
This is the hand-washed drink.
Would you like one?
I got a bottle of water from one of the lovely people who works here to do that.
You could throw a bottle of water on your hand.
I watched Deer Hunter recently.
And it was just
great
so intense
it's a really good movie
isn't it you guys
yeah
I mean
I wasn't
I don't think they can
get away with a movie
like that anymore
because the
performances were so good
and the movie
really like
just took its time
and it really is
torture
the whole movie
John Cazale
ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what
you think you're doing
talking about movies
on this show
what kind of
gutsy move was that
now that is an amazing movie
especially like
isn't the wedding
at the beginning
like a third of the movie?
It's so long.
But it makes everything else so much more heavy because you sat through their wedding, you know?
Like you really feel like you know those people.
Yeah, it's like the good and bad points of the wedding, like the sweaty moments.
And then you go into Vietnam and it's just torture.
And the whole movie is just this weird torture for the audience, I think, too.
But you also enjoy it.
It's pain with pleasure.
Yeah, it's insanely good.
I mean, I just don't think they could make it the same way
because the actors were so good, and they'll never be that good.
Nobody will ever be that good again.
I mean, sorry for anyone.
We're going to tell them this Friday.
But not as good as Deer Hunter.
But watch Deer Hunter first, and then compare and contrast.
Yeah, which one's funnier?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fort Tilden's going to kick ass in that competition.
The tune is pretty funny.
Yeah, watch that too.
Let's play some games.
Ow!
Why the heck not, I say.
This first game is kind of a spin on a game we've been playing.
We've been playing a game called Now Bushimi, Now You Don't,
where you have to figure out if Steve Buscemi's been in a movie or not.
And we ran out of titles for Buscemi after been in a movie or not. And we ran out of titles
for Buscemi after playing that game
for a few years.
And Ponch22
on Twitter suggested that we do a version
called, Which Film is
Kosher?
Yeah, which of these films
is kosher? And that'd be the film
that doesn't have Kevin Bacon in it.
So we'll start down here with Kevin,
and I'll give you three movie titles,
and you tell me which one Kevin Bacon isn't in
to stay in the game. If you miss,
then Bridie has a shot
with only two titles to choose from.
I'm out if I miss like the first one?
I think you're going to be
in good shape.
Okay.
Just seems harsh.
We'll see.
Or if everybody fails
all down the road
then you can come back in.
You'll see.
You'll see how it works.
Don't put so much pressure
on yourself.
Thank you.
I really want a cocktail
right now.
Which of these movies
was Kevin Bacon not in?
Footloose, Quicksilver, or Vision Quest?
Vision Quest.
That's correct.
Yeah!
Quicksilver, I always...
I never saw Quicksilver,
but the trailer made me
want to be a bike messenger.
They remade it
with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Oh, I saw that. Bag of D saw that again uh what bag of dicks premium rush
bag of dicks what happened
messengers aren't like oh wow we got someone from the bike messenger advocacy group here you guys
oh my god eating a donut going we're tired of being misrepresentative in media
eating a donut going,
we're tired of being misrepresentative in media.
It's a bunch of people
that ride bicycles.
We're tired of it.
Some of us walk
and take cabs.
Oh, man.
Thanks for speaking up.
Someone had to do it, sweetheart.
Enjoy that donut.
I hope we don't push
any more of your buttons
because I generally don't approve of yelling out,
things like that.
The rules are you're not supposed to do that.
You could have yelled that for all of those.
Footloose.
It's a bullshit movie.
It's like...
What town doesn't have dancing?
Yeah.
Small town dancers aren't really like that.
Okay, Bridie.
You get three new ones.
Which one of these is Kevin Bacon not in?
The River Wild, Whitewater Summer, or White Dog?
Ooh.
Which one of those doesn't have Kevin Bacon?
The White Dog
That's correct
Thank you
I think Bacon's easier than Buscemi
He's definitely had more girlfriends
It's okay, I'm the next one
I think he lives on the Upper West Side
He's sluttier than Buscemi
Okay, Claire gets to pick between
Friday the 13th 40 40 Deuce, and
20 Bucks.
Fuck.
Which one of those
was Kevin Bacon not
in?
I've only seen one of
them, so I'm going to
say 20 Bucks.
That's correct.
All right.
And of course, on Friday the 13th, he invented being murdered right after you have sex.
He's in a hammock, and he gets an arrow plunged through his neck.
Yeah.
Which is pretty sweet.
Spoiler alert, Doug.
Spoiler alert.
It's just autoerotic.
I think when they make ten sequels you're allowed to talk about
what happened
John Cazale
and Robert De Niro
it's just
so amazing
greatest performances
of their lives
I think
John Cazale
is like
he's in four
he's in five movies
and he's amazing
in all of them
and all of them
got nominated
for an Oscar
and yeah
hello
he is good stuff
knowledge that's not how deer hunters actually act got nominated for an Oscar. And, yeah. Hello. He is good stuff.
Knowledge.
That's not how deer hunters actually act.
They have rights and feelings.
All right, Ben.
Which one of these
is he not in?
Curly Sue,
She's Having a Baby,
or Planes, Trains, and Automobiles?
Curly Sue.
Yeah.
Fast answer.
What would he do in Curly Sue?
Did you?
Where would he fit in?
He had an uncredited cameo.
No, he wasn't in Curly Sue, but yeah.
But he's in She's Having a Baby for no reason.
And Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
He's just tiny parts in both.
So I just picked another John Hughes movie.
Any man that would pay $50 for a cab
would surely pay $75.
Holy shit.
Impressive.
You answered that question so quickly
it was like we were in the middle of a crosswalk challenge.
All right, Graham.
Everybody's killing it on this game.
I know.
Everybody's winning.
Which one of these is he not in?
Hair, the air up there, or the air that I breathe.
Buscemi is in two of those.
I'm going to say... I mean Kevin Bacon.
Thanks, John Lovitz.
Stand up.
That was just a clue I threw in.
Stand up, John Lovitz.
Stand up and show the audience.
Stand up. Turn and face the audience. Hey,, John Lovitz. Stand up and show the audience. Stand up.
Turn, face the audience.
Hey, you female ballplayers, when did you get here?
Can't believe the lights were brought up and everything.
Just for that.
You got a pick?
Stolle, Stollerman?
Fuck.
What are the three ones again?
Hair, the air up there, and the air that I breathe.
Oh, hair.
That's right.
You guys are too good at Kevin Bacon movies,
or maybe Kevin Bacon is too good and hard to trick people,
so I'm going to set this aside.
Call you all winners.
Yay.
We'll start with Graham on the other end with his next one.
Oh, shit.
And I thought of an interesting way to start this off.
Claire and Bridie
no
yes
you guys are like opposites
who's an actor or actress
that you both think you know a lot of their work
like a lot of films that they've been in
to give you
us collectively or us by ourselves
yourself but the two of you.
You're friends, right?
Yeah.
Oh, the two of us together?
Yeah.
Shit.
I mean, you know, you'll have to play separately once we start.
But who's an actor that both of you like and think you can name a lot of movies they were in?
Yeah, sure.
Tom Hanks.
Excellent choice.
We've played it before, but...
I'm so sorry.
It's always a fun one.
No, I think it's great.
We'll see if we can top it.
He's a very recognizable American figure.
That he is indeed.
All right, so we'll start with Graham
and just go down the line.
I'll play along for fun.
And we'll just rattle off Tom Hanks movies.
We're going to kill it.
All right.
Saving Private Ryan.
Yeah.
That was one.
Let's only do ones where...
No, forget that.
I almost said where he's the title character, but...
That would be wrong already.
I thought it was about him trying to find himself.
Ben.
Any Tom Hanks movie.
Wait, who?
What's the guy's name again?
What is wrong with you?
His son is Colin Hayes.
Are you really drawing a blank?
No.
Okay.
I'm trying to stockpile.
Oh, I see.
I see what you're doing.
I'm going to go right ahead and say Turner and Hooch.
Okay.
Nice.
Nice.
All right.
Claire?
Splash. All right. Claire? Splash.
Splash.
Splash.
That's what you guys do when you get to the beach.
Yeah, we splash.
All right.
Bridie?
Big.
Mm-hmm.
Woo!
Joe versus the volcano.
I know he can get the job but can he do the job
I'm not arguing that with you
those of course are two lines
from that film
yep
for any joe v volcano purists
out there
that's my turn buddy
oh go for it.
Have fun.
And that question you just asked,
I have no response to that.
I have no response to that.
Yeah.
It's also a line
from Joe vs. Volcano.
I have a brain cloud.
All right.
Let's not all do them
unless everybody has one.
I got more, but...
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
I'm sure you got plenty more. I'm sure you do sure you got plenty more I'm gonna go with
Catch Me If You Can
go fuck yourself
that is
the line from
Catch Me If You Can
you guys
knock knock
okay now you can go, Graham.
Let's go with Man with One Red Shoe.
Ooh.
Ben?
The Money Pit.
Yes.
The Shelley Long classic.
Charlie Wilson's War.
Nice.
Good movie.
That's one we forgot the last time we played,
so excellent job on that.
Thank you.
It was just finally nice to hear, you know,
what Wilson's full name was after I saw...
you know what Wilson's full name was after I saw...
Is it Bridie's turn?
Yeah. Okay, what do you got? That Thing You Do.
Mm-hmm. Yes!
I will
say...
Cloud Atlas.
Oh, there you go.
He plays a lot of roles in that one.
All right, my turn.
I will go with The Burbs.
Ha-ha!
What is that, Slavic?
Line from the movie.
I will go with a movie called Castaway.
Philadelphia.
Forrest Gump.
Yay.
Did we say Captain Phillips?
No, we didn't.
I hear muttering in the crowd.
Don't say anything, you guys.
The Road to Perdition.
Whoa.
That's a tricky one.
The Lady Killers.
Volunteers.
Yes.
Sleepless in Seattle you've got mail
thank god
thank you Ben
you're welcome
bachelor party
nice
dragnet
how about Toy Story?
Wait a second.
Toy Story 2?
Toy Story 3. Oh.
You guys, clap if Toy Story 4 has happened yet.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
You're doing great.
Just knock it out. Moonlight over Buffalo.
Wow.
I like that movie.
What?
All right.
So Claire is out.
Do you have another one?
Do you have another one, Brock?
You guys haven't seen Moonlight Over Buffalo?
No.
Friday?
Man, I'm trying to think of the movie where he's on a motorcycle with Julia Roberts behind him.
Oh, yeah.
I'll say that one when it's my turn.
Yeah, I don't know if I... It's actually Kevin.
It's Kevin's turn.
What?
Well, there's also a movie where it's animated
and there's a snow and train and I can't...
Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
Polar Express!
Polar Express!
Oh, hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
You did it.
I did that for Bridie.
Thank you.
Wait, what happened, Claire?
It's the one that said the answer?
Okay, I'll take it.
But Claire's still out and Bridie's in.
Right.
So she's got a round to think of something else.
Oh, nice.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
What about you, Kevin?
The Green Mile.
Yeah! thank you what about you Kevin the Green Mile yeah I think we might
get them all
I'm so proud of us
and I apologize
for saying this
but Larry Crown
I had no idea
what that movie
was about
did you
it really was
about a dude
who rides around on a moped.
He summed it up nicely.
I think he's trying to get to the beach.
Julia Roberts jumps on the back and he's like,
Hey, beautiful lady!
How do I keep scoring you in films?
Whose turn is it?
Graham.
He's thinking hard
with his balloon.
Oh, fuck.
We did the crazy
ice train one, right?
We got that one.
What's that one called?
We did the ice train, yes.
What was that called?
Shh.
Well, they can yell out
a one that somebody
already said, right?
I guess so,
but Polar Express, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Difference doesn't make what it's called.
I can't pick it.
Um,
there was
the movie. Oh, I love when we do
this. Ramp
into it. You can do it.
With Tom Hanks, of course.
And an older Robert Mitchum.
Called the Gallantry Boys.
What?
And Anne Margaret plays the lead lady.
Okay, Graham's out.
God damn it.
Seriously, guys,
get The Gallantry Boys
on Netflix.
It's a good film.
What do you got, Ben?
And this time, Claire,
if you have another one,
whisper it in a bridey's ear
when it gets to her.
Okay, thank you.
Ben?
I think it's called
Nothing in Common.
Yeah, it is. Oh, fuck. in Common yeah it is that's a great
that's actually
Jackie Gleason
directed by Gary Marshall
and
I'm also in it
um
what do you got
Bridie
um
he wasn't
but he was
probably
um
what that wasn't a movie teller okay give her a fucking second but he was probably what
that wasn't a movie teller
give her a fucking second
there isn't
a lifeline or anything
no
I told Claire she could whisper it in your ear
but she's got nothing
alright
well
no
I don't know the plot I'm just thinking about google images All right. Just hang on. Well, no.
I don't know the plot.
I'm just thinking about Google images of Tom Hanks right now.
I would have to say I don't have an answer.
Just Google images.
Oh, shit.
That's okay.
Should I guess?
No, you're out. Okay, shit. That's okay. Should I guess? No, you're out. Okay, good.
I don't think you could just make up a title and it will also be a Tom Hanks movie.
I think once you start to make it up, you go, oh, that is in fact a Tom Hanks movie.
Or not at all.
Kevin?
There is no crying in baseball.
A league of their own.
Yeah.
Damn. Yeah. Damn.
Nice.
Mentioned already this evening.
Ben Bailey mentioned it earlier.
I'm going to go with...
Story of my life right there, Doug.
How about...
Saving Mr. Banks?
It's a great movie.
It's funny.
It's a mix of excitement for the right answer, but also the bigger applause for the movies they like.
Which upset me that people like The Money Pit.
Seems strange.
So it's just Ben and Kevin and I at this point.
What do you got, Ben?
Oh, wait.
You just said it.
It's your turn, isn't it?
Yeah, it's Kevin's turn.
What?
Oh, I didn't hear what he said.
He said a few good men, right?
Yep.
Who said it?
I don't know what happened either. Who said it? I don't know what happened either.
Who said it?
What did he say?
No, he said a few good men.
Hey, don't give people the fucking answers during the show.
Including Doug.
Kevin just said it a few good men
that's what he said
a league of their own
I fucked up and said
a few good men
but I mean a league of their own
yeah I said a league of their own
yeah yeah
yeah he's not in
a few good men
so it's not
doesn't even have to be an issue
everybody knows he's not in it
so confused I was like,
did Ben see a few good men?
And is Tom Hanks in a few good men?
Did Tom Hanks order the
code red?
So,
on the show a couple days
ago, I said that Alec Baldwin
plays the title character in Hunt for Red
October.
So, so, A few days ago I said that Alec Baldwin plays the title character in Hunt for Red October. So we're on Ben.
It's Ben's turn.
Oh, man.
And a few good men and a league of their own have both been mentioned already.
What do you got?
Anything?
What did you say?
I said,
Savey Mr. Banks.
About 20 minutes ago.
What did you say?
I made something up because I forgot.
Yeah, yeah, he's out, Ben. That's why we skipped over to you.
He said, Robert Mitchum.
Robert Mitchum and Tom Hanks
and the Gallantry Boys.
Keep talking about that a little bit.
I just thought of another one.
You motherfucker.
Putting the pressure on you.
Every single time.
You need us to vamp for you?
Anything then?
No more vamping.
There's something in there.
That guy made the weakest buzzer noise I've ever heard.
Like a dying pterodactyl.
You're out.
You're out of time.
The Right Stuff.
You did not appear in that one.
Comes down to just Kevin and myself.
What do you got, Kevin?
I've got two more and one that I can't remember
the right title of.
Yeah, I have one
that I'm like,
huh,
I'm going to say
Apollo 13.
That's a great one.
Fuck you, man!
Damn it!
God damn it.
This is the most
maddening game
every time I play it.
It's always like,
God damn it!
That's one of the five films in which Tom Hanks' character
takes a leak on camera.
That's right.
He does it a lot.
He's always peeing in his movies.
Really long one in A Few Good Men.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
That scene where he pisses in Kevin Pollak's mouth.
That was pretty cool.
Oh, it's in the DVD extras, guys.
Look it up.
You can't handle it, Chris.
Okay, you're out.
His very first, I believe his first motion picture role
was in a motion film.
A motion film?
Film is a strong word for it.
A movie called
He Knows You're Alone.
Yep.
None of us can question you.
Don't clap that.
You don't even know what it is.
It's a fact is what it is.
There's no oversight.
Or it was called
When a Stranger Calls.
No, I'm kidding.
Similar movie though.
Kevin, you got one more?
I think...
I think we're running the table on Tom Hanks movies.
Really impressed with us.
Okay, I'm not 100% sure, but I think he was in Bonfire of the Vanities.
Yeah, he was.
God damn it!
Okay, okay.
Damn it. Okay.
Oh, that's good.
But unfortunately, the voice of Woody makes an appearance in another Pixar film called Cars.
Oh, well.
I know.
I'm not a fan of Cars either.
The gloves are off. One of the weaker Pixar entries, I think. Oh'm not a fan of cars either. The gloves are off.
One of the weaker Pixar entries, I think.
Oh, shit balls.
Do you have another one?
I think we can call it a tie.
I think I can help you through it.
Because it's extremely something and incredibly something.
Nobody helped me at all, just for the record.
There were no clues given to the rest of us.
Kevin is the winner regardless.
Yeah!
Congratulations, Kevin.
I know what you're talking about.
I can never get that title right.
One of the worst Best Picture nominees in the history of that award.
What year was that?
A few ago.
It was after 9-11.
Extremely... Is it extremely fast
and incredibly close?
No. That stars Vin Diesel.
It's a triple X.
Extremely fast and incredibly furious.
What was it?
Okay, audience, what's it called?
And we forgot the terminal.
The terminal.
I'm one of the three people on the planet
that likes that movie, the fucking terminal.
Extremely loud and incredibly close.
There's more, though.
Angels and Demons and
Da Vinci Code.
Da Vinci Code.
Da Vinci Code.
Da Vinci Code. God damn it.
All right.
And then he was in Da Vinci Code 2, right?
Back to the Beach or whatever.
But TV movies don't count, right?
Uh-uh.
Oh, yeah.
He's also, isn't he?
Extremely loud and incredibly close.
Isn't he also in Kevin Pollak's documentary, Misery Loves Comedy?
Maybe.
Yeah, he is in that.
They say he is, but it's too late for that now.
It's extremely loud and incredibly close.
What did I say?
Fast.
You said fast.
What are you going to fucking do here?
But you're still our winner, Kevin.
You already won, dude.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Are you ready for your makeup?
What's that?
Ready for your makeup.
Kevin, of course, is the co-host of Denzel Washington is the greatest motherfucker in the world podcast.
Something like that.
Greatest actor on earth in the world.
Denzel Washington is the greatest actor of all time.
Period.
Yes.
With W. Kamau Bell in me.
Yeah.
And we did a version of this game with Denzel Washington.
Yeah.
Oh, I fucked that up.
On the show.
I dropped the ball.
Big time.
Yeah.
But no matter who the person is, it's a tough game.
And I think we did great.
We only missed a few that I could catch from everybody screaming at us.
But we'll have Kevin start us off first in our final game of the evening.
We might run a little long tonight.
Are you guys in a hurry to get anywhere?
Except.
The bike messenger lady, she's got to get somewhere.
She's got some shit to deliver.
They're not really like that.
Everything is in deadlines.
Don't forget that everybody here tonight is first eligible
if you hang out after the show.
You know, like get a drink from the bar and queue up
and you can buy tickets to the 12 Guests of Christmas
East Coast Edition
on Monday, November 30th at 8 o'clock right here at the Gramercy.
You can buy those tickets without fees.
So it's like, I forget what it comes to.
It's like 20 bucks or something without the fees.
So you can buy those tonight
and everyone else can buy them starting at noon tomorrow
wherever you buy ticket, master.
So hang out for that, you guys,
if you want to come back for that show for sure,
because once it goes on sale officially tomorrow,
it'll sell out quickly.
Let's play a little game I like to call,
a brand new game called Reverse Malton.
Reverse Malton.
It's like the Leonard Malton game, but in reverse.
Wait, what?
Extremely complicated.
Yeah.
I'm sure Ben doesn't know how it works.
And Graham's only played it once or twice, so I'll run you guys all through it.
But Kevin's going to start us off, and then we'll go to Bridie and down the line that way.
And Kevin is going to get to pick between three films.
Oh, yeah.
And then once you pick that movie, pick the one that you think you know the most actors in
or the one you think the panel might not know enough actors in for you to be able to beat them.
And then I'll tell you how many actors' names
Leonard lists.
And you guys have to bid on how many of those
you think you can name.
And if you can't bid a higher number,
you're going to have to challenge the person
and hope they miss it.
Make sense, sort of?
Sure. Sure. Yeah sort of? Sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we play to two points, first person to two points.
And we get to start off with Kevin picking between these three films.
1941,
2010,
or 2012?
It's really cool.
Which one of those films do you think you know the most
actors from that film?
Jesus.
Jesus.
2012.
Oh, God damn it.
All right.
Leonard lists seven names.
I apologize.
That's the wrong movie.
Hang on just a second.
I got to access it.
That's the name of the movie.
2012.
So Ben is on record as knowing nothing about this movie.
It's an interesting strategy.
Leonard lists 13 names.
So how many out of 13 do you think you could name?
And I have to...
Two.
That's a very reasonable opening bid.
He says two names.
And, Bridie, you can bid more names.
Doug, I have a question.
Doug, can I ask a question?
I don't think it's your turn.
I know, I'm sorry.
I just want to ask a question.
So ask it when I get to you.
Okay.
Can we pick a different movie to use?
Doug, Doug, I have the same question.
Doug. Wait your the same question. Doug.
Wait your turn, bitch.
Wow.
It was for the laugh.
Don't be offended.
Girl, you want to use the word bitch,
you've got to find another place to do it.
They got, uh...
They always cut that out
when he would say that at a four-way stop on Cash Cow.
Jesus Christ.
Just for the laugh.
All right, Brian.
I know it's for good laughs.
He thinks...
Oh, my God.
I don't know what's happening.
If I...
I would have...
Just keep staying at the donut.
Just keep staying at the donut. Just keep staying at the donut.
It's okay.
We're going to put it into the game.
Don't worry.
The movie is 1941.
Bryony, what do you think?
Can you name three or more people from this movie, or do you want to challenge Kevin...
Do I have to challenge...
...to come up with two names?
Kevin, or can I challenge anyone?
Pick a guy from the audience.
I don't know.
No, it'd have to be Kevin. You'd have to either bid a higher
number or challenge Kevin.
Those are your options.
I challenge Kevin.
Alright, so if Kevin can name two people
from 2012,
he's going to be
on the board, as we say, with one point.
I will say John Cusack.
And Woody Harrelson.
That is correct.
Nice.
Lots of folks in that movie.
Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, George Segal.
Robert Mitchum.
Tom Hanks.
Don't see either of those.
Kevin Bacon.
No, none of those.
Was Jake Gyllenhaal in 2010?
No. That movie? Isllenhaal in 2010? No.
That movie?
Is there a movie from 2010?
No, he was in The Day After Tomorrow.
Same movie.
Same exact movie.
Was that with Taya Leone, too?
Thank you, audience.
There's a sequel to Taya Leone?
Yeah, Taya Leone 2.
Yeah.
Taya Leone.
All right.
Which one was she in?
Talioni.
Can't you just recognize her from
the way I'm doing her voice a little bit?
A little bit?
It's a little bit. There's a faint
Talioni to that voice.
Yeah, no, there is. Nailed it.
She was with David Duchovny.
So you can go home and read up about that on Google.
Do Taylor Leone from Spanglish,
that scene where she's confessing that she slept around?
I slept with someone else.
I slept with someone else.
I feel crazy.
You're a chef
and I slept with someone else.
Did you guys plan that ahead?
She tenses her neck so much
that you think she's going to go blind
because there's so much tension
in her neck when she acts.
She's one of the best neck actors
that we have.
She's a great neck actor.
What is her TV show?
What is it?
Give her another one to do.
Mistress Secretary?
The Naked Truth? No, but there's another one she's in right now.
Madam Secretary? Oh, I don't know.
Give her the scene from the pilot of Madam Secretary.
Isn't she in Jack and Jill?
What's happening?
No, she's not in Jack and Jill.
Not according to that poster.
Do you see Tay Leone on this poster?
I actually thought this was a bug for a second.
It's okay.
Graham's going to start us off.
You got it, buddy.
Let's do it.
Do you think you know more names from Rocky?
Rocky 3? Or Rocky Balboa?
Ah, shit.
Wow.
Yeah.
We're doing the bookends on this one.
I wish I, if I didn't know.
Front to back, baby.
If I didn't know.
Butt to nuts.
Nicely done.
Nicely done, audience member.
If I didn't know that you were going to wear a Rambo shirt
I could have
avoided asking you this.
I will go Rocky Tresero.
And the way to get it back
line from the movie.
That was back in the day when they didn't
fuck around with longer titles.
Just Rocky III.
Yeah, it was Rocky III, Back to the Dead Meat or whatever.
Mission Impossible V.
Fucking take it.
Yeah, Rocky III, Running on the Beach or whatever it was.
It was just fucking Rocky III.
Chasing the Chicken, I think it was called.
Leonard lists six names from Rocky III, Graham.
I think Graham has to pee.
We've never had someone bid all the names.
Graham, do you have to pee?
Yes, I do.
Are you?
I flew today.
Literally almost came right from the airport.
I've done some babysitting in my time.
He's also on acid.
That's what always happens to me when I'm on acid.
Yeah, fucking.
I start fucking moving around, knocking my clown heads down.
It's not what clown heads are really like.
I will go.
I will go.
Just do it.
Let's do it.
How many six names, Doug? Yeah, six days. Yeah, fuck it. Let's do it. How many six names, Doug?
Yeah, six names.
Yeah, fuck it.
Let's do it.
Let's go six.
New York.
All right, so...
Ben Bailey gets a gimme
if Graham can't name all six names.
Just the six listed by Leonard Maltin,
so there's obviously more people in the film than that.
It's not a drawing room play.
So let's hear it, Graham.
Ben will get the point if you don't succeed.
Okay.
Talia Shire.
Don't tell him if he's right or wrong
until we hear six names out of his goddamn mouth. Talia Shire,'t tell him if he's right or wrong until we hear six names out of his god damn mouth
Talia Shire
Sylvester Stallone
Burt Young
Burgess Meredith
I believe he was billed as
was he billed as Mr. T
yeah Mr. T
six names we need
that's only two.
Thank you so much for your support. This is just like the movie Rocky.
You can do it.
And shit, who is the sixth name?
They're going to go with...
Yeah, go with somebody.
Apollo.
Or go with God.
What happened?
You're being very sassy.
You're being very sassy.
You're an Apollo Creed.
Is that your final answer?
Yeah.
I'll host this thing.
What?
That's your final answer.
You're going to go with the fictional character in the film fuck
I am completely blanking on the actor's name
of course you are
I'd say 90% of us in the audience
know the answer
everyone can see it, I'm looking at him
I can recite lines from the movie
and of course his name is
Clarence Weathers.
So then,
Clarence Weathers,
Chandler's
How dare you guys.
Please, please, please
The Jeopardy! audio
doesn't do that
when somebody's close
to the right answer.
All right.
So the point goes
to Ben Bailey.
No.
Clarence Weathers.
Clarence Johnny Weathers.
It's not
Clarence Weathers or Johnarence Johnny Weathers. It's not Clarence Weathers or John Waters.
You only get one guess and it was Apollo Creed.
No, it's Carl Weathers.
Carl Weathers, god damn it.
Action Jackson.
Action Jackson, baby.
Yeah, so Ben gets a point, everybody.
Hey, thank you very much, everybody.
I'm funny looking, more than most. Hey, thank you very much, everybody.
I'm funny looking, more than most.
Uncircumcised.
God damn it.
God damn it.
Kevin gets to start us off again.
What?
Yeah.
You get to pick the next one.
All right.
Steve Weatherman. Do we just not talk during the games, or are we... No, you'll be next like you were in the next one. All right. Steve Weathers. Did we just not talk during the games?
Or are we?
No, you'll be next like you were in the first round.
What?
Oh, I thought I was out.
No.
No.
Because I challenged someone.
I thought that the punishment was to.
There's just a lot of people, so it doesn't get to everybody.
Claire may be in good shape sitting in the middle right there.
She might not have to participate.
Okay.
I feel...
I'm sorry, Ghost Bilster.
I'm doing my best.
I feel a lot of responsibility towards you.
I just want you to know that.
But I guess my best wasn't good enough.
All right.
Let's do that at karaoke later.
Let's play the game right now.
Who's singing?
Whose voice was that?
But I guess my best... That was my James Ingram impression, according to that guy.
Should we leave and let him do that?
You get to pick between these three in honor.
I did this one special for tonight in honor of the film Fort Tilden.
Oh, that's sweet.
The three options are Fort Apache, the Bronx.
A Bronx Tale. Three options are Fort Apache, the Bronx, a Bronx tail, or an American tail.
Which one of those?
Wildly different.
Well, not two of them are kind of similar.
But that third one.
Which one of those do you think you know the most names from, Kevin?
Right.
I'm going to say A Bronx Tale.
All right.
Leonard lists ten names.
Oh, shit.
How many of those can you name for our listening pleasure?
I'm going to go again with two.
Strong opening bid.
Two names.
So we go to Bridie does a Bronx tale
have Ray Liotta
interesting approach to the
game
Carl Weathers
but you know like sort of how like every movie has a Carl Weathers.
But you know, like,
sort of how, like,
every movie has a Ray Liotta.
You know what I mean?
Why'd you do that, Karen?
If a Bronx Tale has a Ray Liotta, Ray Liotta.
But if not...
That's a really
interesting way to do it.
You have to bid more names,
so you'd have to come up with three names,
one of whom may or may not be
Ray Liotta. Well, I challenge...
Or you challenge Kevin
to come up with two
names in what is arguably
a movie. I thought you said four. No, I said two.
You said two.
I'm not trying to cheat.
That's also a fun strategy.
You said four names.
Let's just settle on three then.
You fucking said four.
Yeah.
No, what?
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
It was a joke.
It was a joke.
Let's be serious.
Kevin, what are the five names?
Now, Kevin says two names
and he is our winner tonight. We're talking about
a few good men, right?
A few good Bronx
tales. I will say
Ray Liotta.
You're welcome.
On Bridie's part.
Oh, man. This ended up being the most amazing
strategy.
It's the Ray Liotta method.
Who's your second name?
Robert De Niro.
Yeah, of course.
He's Robert De Niro.
Right?
Yeah.
What's the name of the guy?
Could you name a third if she hadn't said Ray Liotta?
He hasn't named two.
Ray Liotta is not listed.
Yeah.
So that's right.
Bridie gets a point.
Oh!
This game ain't over.
It's not over.
Fuck yes.
It's not over.
It's like when Apollo Creed said that shit.
Joe Pesci and Chaz Palminteri It's not over. It's like when Apollo Creed said that shit. Skip jump.
Joe Pesci and Chaz Palminteri are the only other two names I even know who they are.
You got totally fucked, bro.
I couldn't remember Chaz Palminteri's name, even though I could see him.
Now you just can't leave.
Yeah, that's funny. I wasn't sure that Joe Pesci was...
Well, we got three players are on the board.
Well done.
Yeah.
Well done. Yeah. Well done.
Unexpected.
And Graham's in the catbird seat again.
You get to pick the next category.
Let's do it.
Then we'll go to Ben, and hopefully Claire will get to participate.
Just do it in my dreams.
Just hasn't shaken out that way so far.
Shake it.
Shake it.
Graham.
Yes.
Who do you know more actors
from? Goldfinger,
The Man with the Golden Gun,
or Golden Eye?
Damn.
For some reason, gold is a
recurring motif in Bond titles.
I've said too much.
What are they again huh so tell me yeah say me again gold finger man with a golden gun and golden eye jesus um i will go with Goldfinger.
Whoa.
Interesting choice.
Leonard lists eight names.
How many of those can you name, Graham?
I can go with Carl Weathers.
I will go with
this one I'm going to play
Are you going to be mad at Carl Weathers
for the rest of your life?
Yes.
Like it's his fucking fault?
Yes.
And Kevin will be mad at Chaz Palminteri
and we're going to go on the streets
and settle some shit.
Yeah.
Alright. I'm going to just go
one.
Okay.
And it's not the one you're thinking.
No, I'm just kidding.
So then it goes to
Ben. Do you think you know more than
one person that was in
Goldfinger
from 1964.
Fuck me.
This is your chance to get on the board?
I'm on the board.
I have a point, motherfucker.
I mean, chance to win?
I think we're going to be spreading out some points.
That's what I'm thinking.
I don't like you wording it that way, but okay.
We're going to go top, top, front to back with the points, Duck.
What are my options here, Duck?
Your options are to stage dive.
Or yell at the audience, who am I?
These people are cheering in front.
Yeah.
Chill yourself!
I've heard several of you. They want to catch you. Kill yourself! I've hurt several of you
if I don't get in the crowd right now.
Throw a donut.
It'd be injuries.
Throw a donut.
They've got Ben Bailey fever.
They want to catch you.
That's awesome.
Somebody put that on a shirt.
With a magic marker
and then throw that shirt away?
Do you think you know more than one
actor in Goldfinger? Then you'd say two
names maybe or three? I don't want to discuss
strategy, just options. I'll make the
decision myself. Okay, well the strategy
and the options are pretty much right all in
there. Because then your
other option is to let Graham name
one person
from what has already been established to be a James Bond film from 1964.
All right.
So I could let him do that and then get a point.
Yes.
Sure, yeah.
He'll get a point.
I don't get a point.
Or you can bid more names.
The crowd's talking to me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world.
No, no. He gets a point, stupid. Or you could bid more names. The crowd's talking to me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world. No, no, he gets a point, stupid.
Or you could bid more names.
I could bid more names.
You could bluff it because you clearly don't know shit about this movie.
You don't fucking know what I know.
You might be bluffing right now.
And then Claire might have to challenge you.
And then she'd have a chance at getting on the board.
If you just think you know two names or you think you can act like you know
two names. All right. So if I tell him to name. Oh, let's just keep going. God damn
it. Whatever you do right here, we're probably going to have to continue playing and we're
already over time. So just make a choice. You forgot a third, another option, which I was then utilizing.
What?
Stalling?
Yes.
That was it.
So what do you say?
He's telling me to name it?
I'm going to go with a gentleman by the name of Sean Connery.
And is Yafit Kodo in there?
That was going to be my second choice. I don't know why anyone is clapping for that.
Yafit Kodo.
Yeah, he's in one of the early ones.
No, he's in not one of the early ones.
Or maybe he's in more than one,
but he's best known for being in
Live and Let Die with Roger Moore.
Yafit Kodo was the bad guy in that one.
Yeah, but he was like,
didn't he play like...
Yeah, yeah.
He played like a CIA agent or something like that.
Sure, oh yeah, he was in there like,
hey, I'm in the CIA.
And then a few movies later,
I'm the bad guy.
It's not Mission Impossible.
Jack Lord.
Jack Lord's in this one.
Jack Lord's in one of them.
No, no.
If anybody knows the name, don't yell out the name of the actor who played Goldfinger,
then that would be...
Close.
What's my name?
Ben Bailey!
Or the lady who played Pussy Galore.
Or the lady who got painted gold and died because she got painted.
Or the guy who played M.
Or the lady who played Miss Moneypenny.
Yeah, I don't know who he is.
Or two other random people.
Oh, Oddjob, the guy who played Oddjob.
Right.
And then I don't know who this last person is.
So, Gert Frobey, Honor Blackman,
Shirley Eaton, Bernard Lee,
Lois Maxwell.
But that means
that Graham is on the board.
Yeah.
We're gunning towards a four-way tie
right here and now.
That one was for Carl Weathers.
We're also looking at a chance
that Claire will not play at all.
Why don't you just ask me a question
and see if I can answer it.
Yeah.
I just turned down so many
potential questions in my head
thanks buddy
yeah
it's okay you don't have to do that it's your show
you can do whatever you want
don't lose your mic
besides Sean Connery name two other people
who have played Roger Moore
so I gave you one
James Bond who else has played James Bond besides Sean Connery So I gave you one. It's a different question.
James Bond.
Who else has played James Bond besides Sean Connery?
Are you asking me that?
Yeah, you said ask me a question.
Pierce Brosnan.
Okay, it doesn't affect the game in any way.
You're a piece of shit.
All right, you get a point.
Yay!
Wow.
Okay. We got a five-way tie that means i get to pick the last cat in the last movie nobody gets to choose and uh but we'll start with kevin and then variety go across that
way so thanks for coming graham and ben wait what we're up Thanks for being here.
I chose this movie.
It's been waiting for a tie between all the people on stage.
This is the tiebreaker.
And it's a film I like very much from 1983 called Trading Places.
Lettered list, 13 names how many people
from trading places
classic motion picture
can you name Kevin Avery
clue for all five of you
Denzel Washington is not one of them
boo is right
boo he should have been in that.
He should be in everything.
He should be James Bond.
I wouldn't mind that.
Equalizer is close enough.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
Does James Bond ever kill people
with Home Depot tools?
I'd like my glue gun, thanks.
Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack.
Why would a glue gun go clack, clack?
It's a...
And whose fucking voice was that?
A glue gun is more like...
I'm going to glue you.
That's Denzel Washington
doing English Secret Service accent.
Edward, yeah.
Edward Woodward.
I don't know why they just popped out of their head.
I'll just say two.
He likes to keep it simple.
Bridie, do you think you know
more than two people from trading places?
They're encouraging you. They're encouraging you to know. Um, oh no,
two things came into my head, but they're both childhood related and I don't want to
put you guys through that right now. Um, I would guess that I know two as well, so I think that puts us into overtime, right?
Nice!
Way to just announce your voice your way into it.
We're in the bonus round, Doug.
I'm in the finals between Graham and Kevin.
Time to get a beer, everybody.
All right, so Kevin's our winner.
Go ahead. Wait, what happened?
Go ahead and pick any two names.
Well, she says she can't do more than two, so you have to...
Just say three.
Say five.
Fuck it, say five.
What's happening?
Hang on a second.
Claire, do you think you could say more than three from Trading Places?
Why?
Classic motion picture.
More than two or more than three?
Why are you asking me that?
That's not in the scope of the game, Doug.
Because then if Claire, I mean, if Bridie bids three, then you could bid four, take her out of her misery.
Or you could pull a fast one and say to her, name it.
Are you literally describing the rules of the game to me?
No, he's showing you how the game might be more fun for everyone.
Oh.
Yeah, I could probably name like six of them.
Nice.
Bridie.
Okay, but let's get this on the record
So Bridie bids three
I did?
She talks like that
I did?
She's like wait
I won
Just say I bid three
Who's this guy
Telling me yes and no
Every time I look up
There's a guy saying no
And then one guy saying yes
It's the same guy each time.
He's got the day off from sitting in the Price is Right audience.
Can't tell if he's being supportive or not.
Higher!
That's what people yell at me when I walk out.
What do you want us to do?
So, Claire says...
Yeah, I could do.
Griny says three names. Claire says six. I said six. What do you think, Ben? Yeah, I could do... Bridie says three names.
Claire says six.
I said six.
What do you think, Ben?
She says six.
Then we go to Ben.
Seven.
Seven names.
This is how I like this to go.
Graham, how many can you do out of 13?
He could tell me to do it.
I'm really sorry, Kevin, but Ben, name it.
I want to apologize to Kevin.
There's nothing at stake for him today.
Well, he had it wrapped up.
He did.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Then we decided to go the fun route.
I really did.
I had this shit wrapped up.
But you've got to name seven names.
That's seven up. Yep. But you gotta name seven names. That's seven now.
Seven.
What movie are we talking about?
Pretty sure it's Castaway.
Kevin Bacon was not in Castaway.
Neither was Ray Liotta.
Although...
They were both in A Few Good Men.
Ray Liotta has such striking
eyelashes, no?
Yeah.
I mean, most pronounced.
Wilson really could be in that.
He's got a real chilling laugh as well.
That kind of thing yeah
he laughs a lot
in Something Wild
and then a little bit
in Field of Dreams
Ben
yeah
seven names
from trading places
the classic motion picture
Eddie Murphy
that's one
Dan Aykroyd
two
Jamie Lee Curtis.
Three.
Don Amici.
Four.
I hope you get this.
Me too.
I bet he doesn't.
Fuck you, man.
Yeah.
Give me a second.
You're at a real turning point here.
Two more.
Three more.
Ralph.
What's your last name, Ralph?
Just Ray Liotta's eyelashes.
Put some on his nightstand when he goes to bed.
Are you reading from your diary?
No, she's reading from your diary, bitch.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Oh, bitch.
I'd fuck the shit out of Ray Liotta.
Wait, was this mic on?
Let's focus.
Four names.
No need to focus, Doug.
Never lose focus. Four names you've said to focus, Doug. Just never lose focus.
Four names you've said so far.
I said Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd.
Yeah, this is also not part of the How the Game Works, but go ahead and refresh your memory.
Don Amici.
Okay, four.
You've got four so far.
I'm not even going to confirm if they're correct or not until you say three more names that you think are in this microphone.
This crowd is really trying to help me.
I'm staring at the stage.
I'd rather they didn't.
I'd rather you just admit defeat.
I'm going to be so upset.
Just admit that you cannot think of any more.
I will not do that.
Graham will be our winner.
Graham? Did you say Graham?
Graham will win if you fail to name three more names.
All seven have to be correct.
Oh, son of a bitch.
Seems like it's not going to happen.
Seems like, let's say you think of one more.
We can't have this kind of wait again for the next one after that.
And then the next one after that.
I think everyone's willing to wait it out.
I've never been at a stoplight this long.
Surely they'll wait if we give them more
donuts.
Give them donuts? We hurl them at them hard.
You're supposed to be thinking right now. The rest of us will...
Yeah, no, that's classic
stall technique, but you got
nothing, right? I originated that technique, Doug.
You got nothing. I'm afraid I don't.
Yeah. I'm gonna know.
So it's a pretty smart bit, the seven names.
He plays Clarence Beaks.
His name's Burt Parks.
What?
What's his fucking name, that guy?
Burt Parks.
It's Burt something.
Burt Parks.
Motherfucker.
And Don Pardo.
All right.
Graham's our winner.
Yay!
The four names you did say so far were all, in fact, correct.
Don Amici, in every scene, has another old man sitting next to him and his name is not Statler or Waldorf.
It's Ralph Bellamy.
It's Ralph Bellamy.
God damn.
And then there Alfred is a man named Denholm Elliot.
And then the guy that gets fucked by a monkey in a cage is known as Paul Gleeson.
Oh, fuck.
Jim Belushi.
And then we've also got James Belushi
and Franken and Davis
were in the film as the two guys
that were with the monkey.
And then an old gentleman
he's always played old guys for as long as I can remember
Bill Cobbs was also in it.
And like I said,
Graham Elwood is our winner!
So Graham Elwood is our winner. So, Katie gets all the prizes.
All right.
There you go.
Congratulations.
She won before.
She's saying she wants to give stuff back.
Give it to whoever Kevin Avery's won because he kind of got robbed of it.
That makes sense.
Yeah. Who are you playing for? Oh, I'm playing for Pat. Give it to whoever Kevin Avery's won because he kind of got robbed of it. That makes sense. Yeah, look to me.
Who are you playing for?
Oh, I'm playing for Pat.
Come get your prizes, Pat.
Oh, there we go.
For Katie, it's different stuff.
Are you sure? So dimmy it up with him.
Take something, Katie.
Dimmy it up.
Take something.
Take the weird lunch boxes.
Take that lunch box and suffocate somebody with it or something.
Lunch box.
It's a lunch box for scuba diving.
Thank you.
Take that with you when you're scuba diving.
The cool thing, Ghostbusters, is that you get your cool sign back.
It's a great sign.
It's laminated.
All right.
Graham, let's hear some plugs.
L.A. Podfest, September 18th through 20th.
If you want to watch the live stream or buy tickets, go to lapodfest.com.
And listen to my podcast, Comedy Film Nerds.
Go to itunes.com slash comedyfilmnerds.
Headlining the Hollywood Improv, August 29th.
Be there.
Wow, that was fucking good, dude.
Everybody else doesn't have to be as aggressive with their plugs.
Ben, what do you got coming up?
My email, hopefully, so I can tell you.
I'll be at a performing arts center somewhere in Florida.
On a certain date that's approaching the same speed as lots of other dates.
I'm going to be performing in September and I'll be at the Empire Theater in San Antonio,
Texas in that same month.
And that's all I can come up with at the moment.
It's all you need to come up with.
Okay, cool.
Oh, I'll be in Hawaii, but that's next year.
And I'm just going for fun.
He's inviting all of you
to join him, I think.
Claire McNulty and Bridie
Elliott, of course, are in Fort Tilden.
Watch it this Friday.
It's really good.
But individually, do you have anything else you want to
mention that you're up to or
coming out or that people could see?
I'm going to be on At Midnight on
Monday. Yeah, watch Bridie on At Midnight on Monday. Yeah, watch Bridey on At Midnight Monday?
Monday, yeah.
Monday.
I'm doing Roger Rabbit entirely from memory as an improv thing on August 22nd at Videology,
if you all want to be there.
Wow.
What's your favorite line from it that you know right now?
Is it, please, Eddie?
No, nobody likes when Roger
talks at all. Actually, my
favorite line is, please!
He just
said it. No, I know, but I'm telling you what my
favorite line is. All right.
Sometimes better than mine. That was awesome.
Thank you.
Kevin Avery. Are you just being nice to me because you called me a bitch
earlier?
It's okay.
I forgive you.
No, because it was good.
He's just being nice.
Wait, let me get the whole audience to yell out what they've been yelling out over and over again,
but I'm going to change the question slightly.
Who's a bitch?
Ben Bailey!
That was the question slightly. Who's a bitch? Ben Bailey! That was the coolest thing.
They only did that because I called you a bitch earlier.
That's the only reason they did that.
They were just being nice to you, too.
Thanks, you guys.
Kevin.
Okay, but it's Kevin's turn now.
Yeah, give him a chance.
The podcast is called Denzel Washington is the Greatest Actor of All Time, period.
Period.
And also on August 19th, I'll be at Gotham Comedy Club for a benefit called Dudes Against Violence Against Women.
You think a lot of bitches are going to come out to that one?
So you guys are against violence and women?
That's generally what that means.
So that's a Gotham on August 19th.
7th or 8th.
I should not have made a joke out of that.
Awesome.
And douglasmovies.com is where all my stuff lives.
And one more time for all of my guests.
Thank you, New York! Graham Elwood, Ben Bailey, Claire McNulty,
Bridie Elliott, and Kevin Avery.
Thanks for having us, Doug.
Support all of their endeavors.
And as always...
I feel like I didn't get enough.
Oh, okay, because there was kind of like two winners
that's why I don't have
okay
oh okay
the new Fantastic Four is a shithead
Donald Trump who has blood coming out of his eyes
blood coming out of his wherever
is a shithead.
Do you mean vagina?
Out of wherever.
And Bill Manley having to do digital PCARR for 4.5 hours today and missing lunch.
It's probably the, we can all agree, it's the greatest shithead of all time.
The greatest. Period.
Go ahead and play
that theme song.
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold,
his viewing prowess
makes him foggy.
There's no room
in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.