Doug Loves Movies - Ben Bailey, Rob Cantrell and Dr. James Corcoran guest
Episode Date: February 25, 2018Live from the Improv in Tempe, Doug welcomes Ben Bailey, Rob Cantrell and Dr. James Corcoran to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https...://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug.
Shush, lady.
Well, maybe not in a second you don't have to shush.
You can join in with everybody if you know it.
And I love movies!
This is I Love Movies!
Wow, that sounded about as good as Fergie at that game.
You guys threw in a lot of extra notes and stuff.
But, yes! Great job.
Thank you for being
here at the
Tempe Improv in, of course,
Tempe, Arizona!
We are doing it, you guys.
It's Saturday, February 24th.
It's a chilly Saturday
here
in Tempe. 4th. It's a chilly Saturday here in
Tempe.
But I know you guys
are going to warm me up with all your
delightful name tags.
Okay, you don't have to show
me yet.
Most of you weren't.
Hang on for a second
because I know you brought some and we'll
get to that in a moment.
But first, Doug plugs.
Be sure to listen to my, or the,
annual Oscar Predictions episode of Comedy Film Nerds
sometime next week.
And for all of my road dates and deets,
go to douglovesmovies.com.
That's douglovesmovies.com Did some of you here
in the Phoenix, Tempe, Mesa, Scottsdale
area actually
turn your clocks
at daylight
savings time?
Because it sounded like you guys were in different
time zones.
Which trips me up about Arizona every
time I come here. Like half of the year
there's an hour difference from California
and the other half of the year it's the same time.
But it's only an hour.
So how bad is it going to affect my life
really?
You guys are sitting here at 520.
Where the fuck now it's time for tweet relief tweets
about movies lawns on twitter l-o-n-s which i'm super jelly of because uh it's awesome when
someone can get that short of a twitter name it it's just four letters. He must have been a very early adopter
or there must be no one else who wants to call
himself Lawns.
But anyway,
Lawns tweeted, Jurassic Parks
don't kill people, the dinosaurs contained
within Jurassic Parks kill people.
This has been a tweet relief,
super timely and kind of sad
edition.
This has been a tree relief, super timely and kind of sad edition.
So as you guys can see, we have three guest chairs set up for the show today, which is pretty typical.
But I would like to say right now that I have two awesome guests that are going to come out here. But we need a third person to participate.
And I would like that to be
someone in this audience.
Yeah, so
if you want
to come up here and take a shot,
I'm going to pick three people to
come up and compete against each other, and the
winner is going to prevail and stay up
here for the entire show. So if
you feel like you got what it takes,
like this gentleman with the baby spider,
baby Captain America doll.
Is that what that is?
They have Marvel babies?
And what's your name?
You taped your name onto it?
Cap Dan America.
All right, dude, get up here.
You got to go through that door that's sort of behind you
that's painted into the wall so it doesn't look like a door.
And then you come through the kind of weird passageway area.
There's like a fridge back there, I think.
A couple of chairs.
And then you just work your way
up to the there you go you made it there you go sit wherever you like dude
all right who else wants to take a shot at raise your name tag up if you want to
go for it if you want to get up here and and compete this lady up front is not
interested you're not interested you got this gigantic name tag.
I hope it gets chosen.
This dude seems super into coming up here.
Do you think you'd be a good guest?
Maybe.
That's the kind of confidence I'm looking for.
And you can go up those stairs right there.
It's a lot quicker.
So just come on up here.
But don't forget your name tag.
We want to keep track of who you are,
which is the reason for these things in the first place.
And let's go to
the planes, trains, and automobiles.
It's rocking back and forth.
We'll find out what you change
it to when you get up here.
And we'll see you in a few minutes. Yeah,
chug the rest of your drink. That's a good call.
Oh, look at this.
That's slick.
All right, let's use your microphone voice and tell us what your name is
and what the pun is on your poster.
It's James, and it's James Trains and Automobiles.
Okay.
That'd be a great remake of that movie
where they have part of their transportation problem
is people named James.
And what do you
do for a living, James?
I'm a physician. Really?
Yes. Alright, you really
dress it down on the weekends.
That's how I do it.
Because you gotta wear like a tie and shit, right?
I almost wore the coat.
You almost did?
Oh, I would have definitely not picked you if you...
I'd be like, that guy's a lunatic.
What is he, cosplaying Rick and Morty?
Well, thank you for being here, James.
And good luck.
Thank you.
And then, of course, we got Captain Dan.
What do you do, Captain Dan?
I work at a university.
It's boring.
I don't know what to tell you.
You don't want to say which university?
No. That's probably a good idea. There's one close by. It's a safe bet. All right.
Good luck. Thank you. I don't know what else to ask you because you're so closed off.
Are you married or have a girlfriend?
Yeah, I just got married a couple months ago, actually.
Oh, yeah? Good for you.
Thank you.
Did she come here with you today?
Yes.
Really? You dragged her here?
Yeah, she's more closed off than I am.
And she doesn't listen to the podcast, does she?
Oh, Lord, no.
Yeah.
Okay, well, no. Yeah.
Okay, well, maybe I'm thinking about swapping out her for you up here.
But, yeah, seriously, good luck, dude.
And then, what's going on here, man?
Tell me about your name and your name tag.
Oh, your name is Max?
Yeah.
So you went with maxi driver which i wish i had known that before as you come up here because i would have seen if i could get you up here more quickly because that's one of the better names i've seen
in a while and you've got me my face pasted on travis bickle which is a while, and you've got me, my face pasted on Travis Bickle, which is a good look, and
I'd be like,
you're talking to who?
That would be my
version of that.
And what does it say there at the top?
What's this thing about mom's phone number?
I didn't have any candy, so I just put my mom's phone number
on there to try and get someone to pick it.
Oh, man.
So, I'm guessing
your mom's a real looker?
Or a real hooker?
Is she one of the characters
from Maxi Driver?
All right, well...
Can I call the number right now and see what happens?
Yeah?
We don't have time for that, but that...
That was a fun idea that popped into my head, but...
If you're still here, if you're the winner,
maybe we'll do that a little later.
If we have time.
Oh, you're just going to be sitting right there,
so we can do it whenever, if we have time.
But I have a feeling we won't.
It's going to be a very competitive game today
because I know who the other guests are.
But let's figure out which one of you guys is going to stay.
Since I like Maxi Driver the best,
you're going to go first.
And then the captain and then the doctor.
We're going to play Last Man Stanton.
And there's an audience member I preselected to help us with naming an actor or an actress for us to use.
We're out in the audience with someone that goes by StoriaTime.
Hey!
StoriaTime, T-H-Y-M-E.
You didn't bring a name tag?
You did, but you didn't hold it up because you don't want to be up here right now?
I did.
It was too much in the darkness. I didn't hold it up because you don't want to be up here right now? I did. It was too much in the darkness.
I didn't see it.
Yeah, because I wanted to try to get a lady up here because, you know, look, look at this.
You know, I'm trying to put on a show.
But I'm glad you got chosen for this.
It's an insignificant backup prize but we'll put your name out there on Twitter so people
could tell you if your suggestion is good or bad
storia s-t-o-r-i-a time th y m e what's your actual hey Katie. All right. And what's your suggestion for this game, Katie?
All right, Christopher Plummer.
All the guys are already shaking their heads.
But this is an interesting wrinkle.
If none of them can name a Christopher Plummer movie,
I'll get three more people up here.
But let's start with Max.
Can you do it?
Can you name a Christopher Plummer movie?
Is he the guy in All the Money in the World?
Yeah, he is.
Yeah, there's a lot of publicity around that.
He's currently nominated for Best Supporting Actor.
So, Max, you're doing great.
Dan?
The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen.
He's in that?
Isn't that him? I don't know. He's Baron Munchhausen. That's why I asked you. No, he's definitely not Baron Munchhausen. He's in that? Isn't that him?
I don't know.
He's Baron Munchhausen.
That's why I asked you.
No, he's definitely not Baron Munchhausen.
The guy with the...
Who is that?
He's definitely not that.
I can't think of his name, but you guys don't have to say it.
It's a different guy.
I promise you.
Give us another one.
I'll give you one more shot.
Listen, that was all I had. That was all you had
the movie's not in
the Missouri breaks
okay this is ridiculous
hey man listen
thank you Dan
thank you so much
thank you for playing
his name tag could still get picked.
That's a cute little Captain doll.
All right, Doc.
You took mine.
James says what?
He took mine.
I thought all the money in the world, but...
That's the only movie anybody knows that he was in?
Pretty much.
The Sound of Music.
The 80-year-old actor is suddenly famous from one role?
The Sound of Music is what I'm going with.
That's correct.
He took mine, but I have this other one.
So I don't know why I brought that up.
I can't even picture his face.
Well, he's old now, but he's always been quite angular,
easily confused with other actors,
like Peter Cushing.
You can confuse him with him.
Lots of kind of horror movies.
He's Count Dooku in some of those Star Wars prequels,
if you know what the hell they're called.
Drop that name right now?
I mean, I definitely want Max to beat the Doctor.
Oh, come on.
Hey, wait a minute.
All right, so you don't have an answer?
Is he really Count Dooku?
Yeah, he is, isn't he?
No.
Oh, Christopher Lee.
That's who I was going to say people mix him up with.
Okay, yeah, so go ahead and name one of the Star Wars prequels.
Is he in Ready Player One?
It's not out yet, so I don't want to count that, but maybe.
It's always a possibility.
But, yeah, it sounds like you're out,
but we'll call your mom later if we have time.
All right.
Thank you for being here, Max,
and congratulations to James.
Yeah.
Dr. J is in the house.
What's your last name, James?
Are you allowed to say,
or are you afraid of losing your practice?
It's Corcoran. It's what?
Corcoran.
Corcoran.
Okay.
You can do
Smith if that's easier. Alright, James.
What I need you to do now is to walk
off into the wings there where you'll be
joined by the other two guests. I'm going to give you
all a big fancy introduction. You got it. Like you joined by the other two guests. I'm going to give you all a big fancy introduction.
You got it. Like you were always supposed to be
here. And that
a terrible mistake wasn't made.
Are you guys ready to meet our guests?
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
These are two
fellas that came all the way out from New York,
one for one reason, one for another reason,
but they're both here, and I love them both.
They're both frequent guests on the show,
plus our new friend, Dr. Corcoran.
Yeah, please give it up for James Corcoran,
Rob Cantrell, and Ben Bailey!
Thank you! and Ben Bailey.
Hey, Rob, say one of your poems or some shit while I'm going to go grab a stool to put your drinks on.
Okay, no worries.
I got a poem that I wrote today.
This show has changed.
It's about California.
I wrote a poem about California. I've been missing California, and I want to go back to California.
It's just so nice, you know, the sun and everything.
But this poem is called California.
I wrote it this morning.
On a dark desert highway.
Cool wind in my hair.
Thanks a lot, Rob, for filling the time.
I appreciate it.
The smell of colitas.
We're rising up in the air.
What is he saying there?
The smell of what?
Colitas? You're from California. Is that a real flower? It's one smell of colitas. We're rising up in the air. What is he saying there? The smell of what? Colitas?
You're from California.
Is that a real flower?
It's one smell of colitas.
Cohitas.
Colitas with an L.
Colitas.
Yeah.
All right.
I win.
That song is so tripping.
He's so competitive.
He's winning before we start.
I looked that up because I was like, what the fuck is he saying?
It's weed, man. It means the smell of weed being smoked.
I can't believe you don't know that. Why wouldn't he have said cohibas or something like that?
And when they tried to stab that turkey and you couldn't get the turkey,
you know, you just keep on stabbing it.
Wait, what are we talking about now?
Hotel California.
You stab it with your steelie's knives, but you just...
The Beast.
Yeah, there's no turkey in Hotel California.
You're listening to a special Thanksgiving version of it.
Beast is a turkey.
I heard that's the first song they play for the turkeys when they pardon them at the White House.
And then the turkeys are like,
I fucking hate the eagles, man.
It's bad enough I'm a turkey.
Let's meet my guests individually, you guys.
Starting with, directly to my left,
it's Rob Cantrell!
Hello!
Tempe! It's good to be. Hello. Tempe.
It's good to be back.
We're here.
Sun Devils.
Just fucking out.
Yeah, the sun's a devil right now.
It is chilly out there.
It's chilly.
But I was in the hot tub today.
Yeah, that makes it better.
Yeah, that guy wants something to drink.
I like it here.
I'm a full service performer.
I like the sun.
I like being here.
All right, yeah, yeah.
You came out from the East Coast.
I had a big zit on my nose.
And I got out in that sun.
And now it's gone?
Gone.
Healed me. Yeah, because your gone? Gone. Peeled me.
Yeah, because your whole face looks like a zit now.
Yeah.
Just make your whole face red, and then it doesn't stand out anymore.
Just old Rob zit face.
We don't need to bring back that nickname.
It is pretty catchy, though.
Yeah, it is pretty sweet.
It's my graffiti name. You know what else is super catchy is the theme song from Cash Cab. Oh. And Ben Bailey is here, though. Yeah, it is pretty sweet. It's my graffiti name. You know what else is super catchy is the theme song
from Cash Cab.
Oh.
And Ben Bailey
is here, everybody.
All right.
Thanks a lot, everybody.
I have one question
that I would like to ask.
Okay, please.
What's my name?
Ben Bailey.
Thank you.
He's the comic with Alzheimer's, everybody.
That's my Alzheimer's brain.
That's how he opens every show, just a quick spot check.
Who am I?
People need to remind me of who I am.
You're the cash cap guy.
You're here headlining the improv all weekend.
You did two shows last night, two tonight.
Yeah, yeah. Anybody coming back later tonight to see him? Yeah. Very nice. Awesome. here headlining the improv all weekend. You did two shows last night, two tonight.
Anybody coming back later tonight to see him?
Very nice.
Like a good double dip here at the improv. Yeah, it's a great place,
man. I, too, was enjoying the sun.
Yeah, you were out there?
No zits.
I started with none, so
I probably have one now.
Let me ask you a Cash Cab question.
Okay.
Wait, you mean a question from, like a trivia question from the show?
I did wonder that today.
If somebody just asks you random questions that you asked on Cash Cab,
are you good at remembering the answers, or does it go in and out of your head?
I'm pretty good at that, specifically that.
And you probably know a lot of the answers to begin with.
I knew a fair amount.
Because the questions are reasonably difficult,
but I wouldn't say they're hard.
They get tougher as the seasons go.
Every season, they were like,
we want it to be harder,
but we want more winners.
And we were like, well, there's a puzzle.
It's a simple answer, you just shoot a lot more.
Only pick up people wearing glasses.
Pick up people that look like nerds.
People that wear glasses are more knowledgeable.
Only nerds.
Well, isn't that a weird cliche?
It's weird.
You often see people with glasses and go, that person's smart.
It's not working for Rob, but you know.
Worse vision equals more higher.
You guys want to see me get fucked up?
Wait, what does that mean?
Woo!
I'm not wearing my glasses.
I'm nearsighted, motherfuckers.
You're all blurry and lights, man.
Woo, nearsighted.
Wow, I was really worried.
I was worried you were going to put a needle in your arm or something
I really had no idea what you were going to do
I don't know how to compete with that
Actually, can I see your glasses for a second?
Oh yeah, you can do it, it works that way
Stretch them out, why don't you
Hey
Oh shit, everybody
You guys are all
fucking huge, man
You guys are so fucking big right now
Doug, do I look smarter?
Yeah
Yeah, you do
Thank you
Yeah, you do
Teach college
Junior college
You look like a military man
Who works in the office
The guy who's not allowed
Out in the field
The desk job
Desk guy, yeah
Because he can't fucking see
Yeah
Does Cash Cab have a theme?
It has like a rock kind of...
Does it?
That kind of thing?
Not like that, no.
How does it go?
Can you really sing it?
It's more just like a slightly distorted guitar riff.
Can you do it?
I can't, no.
Do the lights go when the riff goes?
I love the Cash Cab lights.
Well, they add the music later, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
There's not a band playing. The music when they get in the car is different.
Every time people get in, I'm like, hit it!
Cash cab!
Yeah!
Oh, shit, how'd you get all the roots in here?
What's up, Questlove?
Oh, there, you did it?
Yeah, it was kind of like that.
No, not the banjo. Eastbound and down.
18 wheels are rolling.
That should be the theme, the smoky abandoned theme.
We're going to do what they say can't be done.
We got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I'm eastbound.
Watch old bandit rug.
All right, so.
Nice. Watch old bandit rug! Alright, so... Nice!
Holy shit.
We got the rocking physician in the house.
Do you have a question for a physician?
Either of you guys, but we'll start with...
Yeah, could you tell me what this rash on my ass is?
I can, it's herpes.
Do people do that to you?
I didn't even look, but.
Are you actually, you're a doctor?
Yes.
Thank God.
Did you have to look away for legal reasons?
No.
Are you not allowed to doctor out on the streets?
Because people always want me to do cash cab stuff.
They're always like, hey, ask me a question or like make me laugh, comedian.
So as a doctor, are people like, would you mind looking at my ear and they're always like, hey, ask me a question or make me laugh, comedian. So as a doctor, are people like,
would you mind looking at my ear and telling me,
do they ask you for on-the-street consultations?
Every day.
Every day?
Yeah, you just did.
That was the first thing you asked him.
I know, but I did on purpose, though.
Like I was setting up the whole thing, you know?
Yeah, I get it.
That was part of the plan.
All right, I don't know where we're going with this.
This is your show. What kind of vitamins do you recommend? Ask him something get it. That was part of the plan. All right, I don't know where we're going with this. This is your show.
What kind of vitamins
do you recommend?
What sort of vitamins?
What kind of vitamins
are good?
I'm kind of rocking
with some fish oil
these days.
Multivitamin,
you don't need anything else.
Fish oil if your cholesterol's high.
Okay.
That's horse shit, man.
I got to intervene.
Multivitamin,
you don't need anything else?
Oh, that's just not true.
What are you going with what's your cocktail
I take a whole bunch of different supplements
I take all kinds of shit
$200 a month of expensive urine
$200 a month of expensive urine
why because I'm not absorbing it
it's just all going out of my piss
because most of what you take in in your diet
gets most of the vitamins you need
so when you take all the other stuff in high doses, you just urinate it out.
But you want to top it off.
This is getting really serious.
Doug loves vitamins.
You're pissing those vitamins out, son.
Doug loves vitamins.
It's a whole different show.
Emergency.
I'm sure Ben is going to try to get a second opinion on this.
I don't think he came out on stage to change his vitamin regimen.
This isn't Hollywood, Ben.
You're right.
What does that have to do with anything?
He's a New Yorker anyway, that Ben Bailey.
I like my supplements, man.
Me too.
Do they taste good?
Is that why you like them?
I like my glow-in-the-dark piss, and I'm fucking...
I'm keeping it. I'm sticking to it.
If it ain't Flintstones, it ain't right.
No, Flintstones vitamins.
Those things are delicious.
Yeah. Those are candy, right?
Yeah, pretty much.
All right, so we have to...
I'm sorry I didn't remind you earlier, James,
but hopefully you'll have something
or an idea for something for the prize bag
when we get to you.
But let's start with Rob.
How about a free consultation?
Well, that's what I'm hinting at.
Maybe you could do something
along those lines, but it's up to him, of course.
Let's start with Rob, because Rob's got some
really, really amazing prizes.
Yeah, I got a couple.
I got the Phoenix
magazine from the hotel room.
You took your magazine from your hotel room.
52 Weekend Adventures, right here.
Right here in Phoenix.
Whatever you want to do, they got it in here.
But
what do you guys want to do?
Is there anything in there about leaving Phoenix?
Best
ways out of town? I think I'll go for stand-up paddle boarding. Do they have that in there about leaving Phoenix? Best ways out of town?
I think I'll go for stand-up paddleboarding.
Do they have that in there?
No, it's just mostly cooking meth
and tripping out on cactus.
What else did you bring?
Can we do both?
Don't spoil the entire magazine for the winner.
Yeah, I want to save it for you.
You got 52 Weekend Adventures.
But you also get my new album in a 7-inch.
My label, I just released an album called Pure Uncut Joy on 800-pound Gorilla Records.
And so you get the vinyl version.
It's a 7-inch.
It's the final track.
And it's 13 minutes long. But it's clear vinyl. It's a 7-inch. It's the final track, and it's 13 minutes long,
but it's clear vinyl.
Look at this shit.
Whoa.
You can see through it.
So even if you don't have a record player,
it just looks cool.
And then also you have, I got some stickers.
So that's for you guys.
That's all I got.
All right.
All right. It's perfect. guys. That's all I got. It's perfect.
My album's really good.
Check it out on Spotify.
It's nice.
Yeah, I heard you gave it a really good review.
I brought, as I will
to every show this year probably,
one of these beauties.
Oh, wow.
Look at that.
Oh, wow.
Do you have a sponsor?
They send me them, and so I give them away, but I try not to mention the name every time
because there's no, like, they're not a sponsor, really.
Right.
So you're just giving them away.
Yeah.
It's nice.
They're really nice bongs.
Water pipe, excuse me.
Sorry, everybody. What do you got,
Ben? I got a couple things. I have these Kit Kats. Oh, wow. Oh, that's from your hotel room,
right? From the hotel room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Four bucks. Four bucks you spent for that.
Why do you have to put a number on it, man? Because it's impressive that you spent that kind of money, and also silly to spend that kind of money on five tiny Kit Kats.
And then there's a copy, an autographed copy
of my latest special, Ben Bailey Live and Uncensored.
Yep, those also go for $4.
Also $4, yeah.
There's a roll of toilet paper.
Oh, that's a $5 roll of toilet paper.
Because you never know, you might need it on the way home.
Right?
I needed it on the way here.
I got a bottle opener.
Oh, okay.
Also from the hotel.
Yeah, that's nice.
I'll stick that right in the toilet paper roll.
And then I have two tickets to the 7 o'clock show tonight.
Oh!
Pretty sweet.
Also worth $4.
Oh, and these two garbage bags that I was all in.
All right.
Throw that on top.
Yeah.
One of the stars of American Beauty and its understudy.
Thank you.
I don't know.
It's not going to be cool to make jokes
about anything Kevin Spacey's in.
I know, right?
He had no inappropriate
interaction with those bags.
It was purely consensual. One of those bags told me that he threw himself on him in the train.
All right.
Let's put all that.
Those bags were asking for it.
Yeah, exactly.
I also brought a Douglas Movies t-shirt.
Woo!
Yeah.
And what do you got down there, James?
They can have all the candy from my sign.
That's what I got.
Yeah, you put a ton of candy on your son.
Wow, Kit Kats.
A lot of Kit Kats in the gift bag.
He's got the Easter version.
No, no, let's put this in.
Bunny ears.
Yeah, I don't eat Kit Kats.
I'll take one of those.
What do you mean you'll take one of those?
These are the prizes.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Take whatever you want. I'm going with the... No those. These are the prizes. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Take whatever you want.
I'm going with that.
No, no.
Reese's cup.
You got a Zagnut?
What about your cell phone, Ben?
Can I put your cell phone?
That's from 1920.
No.
Can I put your cell phone in that?
Can I put my cell phone in there?
No?
Okay.
Put that mug in there, though, if you want.
Oh, the Reese's eggs are fucking good.
Yeah.
That's what I grabbed.
Those shits are so good.
Who loves the Reese's egg?
Everybody.
Oh. Oh!
Look how stupid he looks!
I'm so blind, everybody!
Oh, God.
You hung in there. You were tripping out for a while, man.
I got a Twix egg up for grabs.
What's that called?
Wow, nice grab.
Who else wants a Reese's egg?
I don't need this.
You want one?
Here we go.
You got it.
Caught it.
Wow.
I got eggs right across from each other.
Twin eggs for those ladies.
This is the greatest Easter episode we've ever done.
That's chocolates from last Easter.
Yeah.
And finally.
Those have been sitting in a bowl at his office
for like two years.
Perhaps the greatest,
the greatest thing
that's going
into this prize bag.
I was at Disneyland.
They gave me
a wrinkle in time button.
Ooh.
I love that.
I would say
I was setting that up
so that no one
would clap
or be impressed.
And yet some people still were.
That is perhaps the greatest thing in there.
Yeah.
The movie is Tessering to 2018.
That's what they call it when they move through time and space.
They call it Tessering.
Tessering?
Oh.
Going through the Tesseract?
Yeah, Oprah.
Oprah says it.
Is that the same thing?
President Oprah.
Yeah.
Oprah's president?
She's like the Doc Brown of that movie.
She just shows up and she's like,
Ah, Tessering!
Run for it, Marty!
All right, so somebody can win all that stuff.
1.21 gigawatts!
That's right.
That's another thing he would say.
I thought that's what we were doing.
No, I was totally starting to say something else.
Oh, okay.
I have a question for each of you, and you've been boning up.
You know what this question's going to be.
We'll start with Rob.
Somehow I always forget.
What was the last movie you saw?
I saw two movies yesterday.
What was the last movie?
I saw American Maid with Tom Cruise.
Okay.
It was good.
But it wasn't the last movie you saw.
Did he play the maid in that?
And then House.
The House.
The House.
Yeah, yeah.
I saw those back and back.
There were some horror movies a while back called House and House 2. Yeah, all those are great. But this is The House. The House. Yeah, yeah. I saw those back in the day. There was some horror movies a while back called House and House 2.
Yeah, all those are great.
But this is The House.
Kind of cheesy.
With Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler.
And Jason Manzoukas.
Yeah.
I love him.
He was funny.
He was hilarious.
They're all good.
So you recommend it?
Yeah, it's got some good ones.
It's got some good jokes in it.
So, you know, and it was only 90 minutes. That's always a treat. That's got some good jokes in it. And it was only 90
minutes. That's always
a treat. That's always a treat. I looked at the
time. Everything's too long these days.
90 minutes? Anything over two hours.
Oh, perfect. Perfect.
Alright. 90 minutes, everything.
Nothing should be longer than 90 minutes.
Well, unless you're staying and you're making love.
Yeah.
Tantric style.
Ben? Yeah. Tantric style. Ben?
Yeah.
Same question.
The last movie I saw was Passengers, or The Passengers.
Passengers.
Yeah.
Passengers.
Yeah, so we have to take away that one point from earlier.
There's no the?
Yeah, it's just Passengers.
I thought it was great.
Just over two hours long.
Yeah, and it's Chris Platt
and Jennifer Lawrence
trapped in a space vehicle.
Or Platt, either one.
It was Oliver Pratt.
It's Pratt, right?
Yeah, it's Pratt.
Yeah.
But they were trapped
in a space thing.
Yeah, they're trapped.
That's the plot.
They're trapped in a space thing.
Yeah, did you like it?
I thought it was awesome. Yeah? Yeah, I thought it was really good, plot. They're trapped in a space thing. Yeah, did you like it? I thought it was awesome.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, I thought it was
really good, man.
Okay.
Jennifer Lawrence Fishburne.
Jennifer Lawrence Fishburne
is in that, you're right.
Jennifer Lawrence Fishburne
is in that.
Yeah, they became one
in that project.
But that's kind of a spoiler
bringing up that Lawrence
Fishburne's in it.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, because it's a movie
about two people trapped
in a ship forever.
Right, yeah.
And then suddenly he shows up and you're like, what?
Yeah, but he's like...
You know, it's pretty late in the movie.
Yeah.
If I were you, I would have talked more about the robot bartender.
Oh, I thought he was very good.
He's very good, yeah.
Very believable.
Mr. Bates from Downton Abbey, right?
Isn't that the same?
Michael Sheen, yeah.
Yeah, it's the same dude.
I thought it was a great movie.
I thought it was cool, man. He's been on this show, you know. Oh, has he really? Was he
the robot him or the real him? No, he wheeled in on that robot thing. He was like cleaning a glass.
Like, that's my favorite thing is every time they go into that bar, he's standing there cleaning a
glass. I'm like, what the fuck? Why would he just do that all the time? Why not power down or read a book? Alright, uh...
I think it was good. I enjoyed it.
Cool. That's all we needed to hear.
Everyone's over that movie anyway.
Not me. I just watched it. I know.
It's exciting.
You might have encouraged
someone to check it out. I would check it out.
Yeah. Oliver Platt is
fantastic in it. You did check it out. Oliver Platt is fantastic in it.
Check it out.
Oliver Platt is
very good, by the way.
Just
in general? Just throwing that out there.
Do you ever see The Ice Harvest?
Maybe.
He's extended
scenes of being really drunk,
and he's amazing at it.
I think I saw that.
All right.
Did you ever see Diggstown?
We talked about this last night.
I did see Diggstown.
I liked it.
Yeah.
He's in that, too.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, he's great.
Oliver Pratt.
He's a great actor.
Pratt.
Dr. James.
Paging Dr. James. Do you see a lot of movies?
I do
That's one of your things you like to do in your spare time?
That's why I'm here
Okay
And what's the last one you saw?
I just made my fiance watch Inner Space
Inner Space?
With Martin Short and Dennis Quaid
Yeah
That is crazy
Absolutely Fantastic movie So you were a long time fan of it And you were just like With Martin Short and Dennis Quaid. Yeah. That is crazy. Absolutely.
Fantastic movie.
So you were a longtime fan of it,
and you're just like, hey, wife, fiance, financier.
My financier.
You have to watch this.
And she was like, okay.
And she's here, right?
She is.
Okay, so don't answer for her.
What did you think of that movie?
That's about right.
It doesn't translate.
Well, wait until he shows you The Goonies.
That was honest.
Lethal Weapon 2.
You're going to love all the movies that he loves.
Do you think the listeners would be able to hear her reaction?
Maybe not, but they'll definitely hear everybody laugh right after she said it.
Yeah, I know, but we can reenact it.
Okay.
Which part do you want to play?
Ask me as though I'm her, and I'll try to do what she did.
I made you watch Interspace.
What did you think, Heather?
That sounded like someone hailing a bus that's already passed and is two blocks away.
Hey!
Hey!
That's a high.
That's a couple octaves up for me. Or it's a Chris Kattan character, and he'll be your next weekend at the Improv in Tempe
but so anyway
I love Interspace I think it's really fun
did you let me ask your
fiance another question you don't have to
go oh he's just going to get a drink
I thought you were going to run into the audience
for the microphone it's for the doctor
it's a drink for the doctor.
Okay, cool. He has surgery in a couple of hours.
He's got to be ready.
He's got to get nice and loose.
Get rid of those shakes.
Got to stop the tremors.
Exactly.
So, was your favorite part
of Interspace
the end?
The part where The part where
the part where
Martin Short was dancing around
to a wacky song
and Dennis Quaid was dancing around
inside of him. They were both dancing around.
Do you like that part?
Yeah.
Oh wait, I gotta do that one too.
She brought the enthusiasm for that. Okay, Ben,
you know the part where he's dancing around?
Do you like that part?
Yeah!
Now you sound like that when Jimmy Fallon
puts that girl costume on.
He's always like, ew, ew.
Yeah!
All right, turn the show off, Bert.
Because it's time for me to say, let the games begin!
Oh, shit.
Wait, someone's turning off the show?
Yeah, Bert Kreischer doesn't like the games part, so I just tell him, go ahead.
You tell him when you're going to start?
I think you said Kurt, just for the record.
I said Kurt Breischer?
I think you said Kurt Breischer, yeah.
Just Bert's alter ego.
You still recognize it and ask me if I
told Bert to turn it off.
What? Nothing.
Okay, so...
What?
How's the doctor in bed?
No, seriously, is he good? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah Yeah
We got lots of great name tags
For you guys to choose from
We always do here at the Tempe
And Phoenix shows
So each of you need to just get up
Even the good doctor And go pick the name tag Tempe and Phoenix shows. So each of you need to just get up,
even the good doctor,
and go pick the name tag you want to play for and bring it back to your seat.
While you do that, I'll do this.
I'll go to these words from me.
Hey, you guys.
There's lots of Douglas movies tapings
coming up in a town or city or burg near you. I'll be at Cafe
Istanbul in New Orleans on Tuesday, March 6th. On Wednesday, March 21st, Douglas Movies
is back at the Gramercy Theater in New York City. Next LA taping is on March 27th at
the UCB Theatre Franklin location at 9 30. Plus there's shows coming up at Sacramento, Chico,
Indianapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, Lexington, Kentucky, Denver, Seattle, Toronto, Columbus, Cincinnati, Ann Arbor, San Diego, Atlanta,
Tampa, and more being added all the time. So check it out. You know where. Back to the show.
All right, we're back. And it happened. Rob picked Captain Dan America.
This is the coolest stuffed animal of all time.
Oh, that's fucking awesome.
I know.
It would be creepy for a 45-year-old man to have a stuffed animal.
But if I did have one, it would be this little Captain America dude.
Well, you know that Chris Evans has been on this show a couple of times.
Wow.
Shout out Chris Evans.
Does Rob get to keep this, Dan?
Yeah.
Do you want to keep it, Dan?
I mean, Rob?
No.
Yeah, I'll keep it.
Is that cool, Dan?
All right.
Isn't that supposed to be part of the...
Or do they give...
That's not part of the prize pack?
No, no, no.
I mean, do you think that thing you're holding is part of the prize pack?
I've only done this ten times
I don't know how the fucking show works
You really don't
I don't remember being in this movie
But I guess I'm
There I am
That's not what that means
It's just doctored
I'm listed just ahead of Ben Affleck
On the bottom so that's pretty cool
It's Jason and Silent Bob Strike Back.
And what made you pick it?
The Tito's?
The cold hard cash?
Tempe had it coming.
It looks like there's $3 stuffed into it
made to look like six.
There's some cash.
It looks like I'm holding the cash.
And then there's a little bottle of Tito's on it, man,
and a payday.
Oh, that's another great idea for a show,
Cash Ab, where you give people money for doing sit-ups.
Cash Abs.
I like it, too.
It's a good idea.
All right.
But look, me and Chris Rock,
it was actually in it, right?
What's the guy's name?
Doug and I, the guy's name is Jason.
It's either Jason or Silent Bob.
I think we should go with Jason.
Is it Jason? Okay, Jason.
Yeah, because it's supposed to be Jay, right?
Oh, it's Jason, whose glasses fell off when I threw that.
Oh, yeah, he's right here. We could just ask him.
He's right here.
All right, you can go ahead and put that down now, Ben.
I guess, yeah. Looks pretty awesome, dude.
Look at Wahlberg. It's ripped.
Yeah, All right.
Perfect.
James, you went after your own kind.
You picked one that's got a bunch of garbage taped to it.
I did.
Oh, wow.
Is that your fiance's name tag?
It is.
Oh, my God.
If I didn't pick it, I'd be murdered.
Oh, now she's all excited.
Her name tag is Heather's because her name is Heather.
Now she's into it.
All right.
I love my dead gay son.
I'm proud to be on there with her,
and lots of the same snacks are on there.
So good job, Heather.
You guys are a great, great cheating couple.
At least you're cheating in this game
and not with other people, I assume.
I feel like he's going to come up to you after
and be like, dude, can I have my Captain America back?
I know I said you could keep it,
but I didn't really want it.
I would have to give it back to him.
I feel like Rob's trying to just keep backing up
until he's through that wall behind us.
Well, I just...
And then just for perspective,
you put that tiny doll way in front of you.
Because you want to look even further away.
I'm huge.
He wanted to see the crowd.
All right.
This first game we're going to play for these lovely people and Heather.
And my money's on Heather to get the prizes, by the way.
Thanks, dog.
Well, you know, everybody likes a good underdog story.
It's true.
Yeah, so come back and beat this doctor.
What do you got?
This cheating doctor.
I bet you he also is doping up bicyclists all the time.
Not all the time.
It's not a full-time gig here in Tempe.
Where's your practice at?
You have a practice?
Yeah, Central Phoenix.
Central Phoenix?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
All right, so...
Nothing further, you're on.
No, that's it.
Right there.
It's right in the middle.
No idea where that is.
You're a witness.
You know where Phoenix is, right?
It's right in the center.
Yeah, it's right over there.
He's in the center of it.
This game is called Live, Die, Repeat.
I'm going to say the name of a motion picture.
First one of you to repeat it back correctly and completely is the winner.
Can you say that again?
You've never played this game?
Once.
Oh, okay.
I'll say the title of a movie.
Yes.
First person to say it back wins.
Okay, you ready?
This is just between the people up on stage.
Don't yell out when you know it,
because somebody here might know it.
Might recognize it right away.
Really weird timing,
with Max sitting right there.
Because this movie is called... Taxi?
Taxi Driver.
Boom.
Taxi.
This movie is called Taxi...
Taxi.
Taxi Cash Cab. That is not correct
What's that?
What'd you say?
I said Taxi Cash Cab
I don't think that's it
That's not it either
Really good try though
Taxi
Zoom
Clue
Taxi Zoom Clue
The doctor is the winner We just had to repeat what Doug said
I might not even be pronouncing it right
But
It's a German film from 1980
And it's notorious for having
Graphic gay sex scenes
Oh right
That's how I knew it Congratulations doc And it's notorious for having graphic gay sex scenes. All right.
That's how I knew it.
Congratulations, doc.
Good doctor likes some good German porn.
Scheisse.
This woman really cheered for it when you said it.
She loves it.
Sehr gut.
Ja, ja.
Has anybody here ever seen that movie?
No one's even heard of it.
It was a big deal
when it came out
and I remember hearing about it
but I never saw it.
I was waiting.
I was really,
I really wanted to win that one.
Yeah.
But when you said it,
I was like,
that's not a fucking movie.
You thought there'd be more words.
Yeah.
I thought it was going to be
taxi.
You thought it would make sense eventually.
Zoom, gluh, asshole.
Something like that.
Which I think means taxi up your ass.
Which is painful.
Which is a totally different movie.
It is.
So, James, you get to go first in this next game.
Okay.
Then we'll go to Ben and then we'll go to Rob.
And it's a little something called
ABCD's Nuts.
This is a spelling game
where each of you
is going to get a letter. We're going to spell
something out. When the next letter
comes to you, you name any movie that begins with that letter,
you get to stay in the game.
It's pretty simple.
But oftentimes some sort of theme
emerges, so try to pay attention for that. And in honor of Mr. Ben Bailey, we're
gonna spell, what's my name? I didn't, he asked it and then you tell him his name. But he didn't ask you.
What's my name?
Oh, there you go.
All right.
That really makes me feel special, that.
It's one of the greatest things in my life.
So the first letter is W in What's My Name?
And we'll start with James.
Any movie that begins with W?
Watership Down.
Okay.
All right.
The sad bunny movie.
I went with a movie called Wilson.
It stars Woody Harrelson.
I never saw it.
Ben, the next letter in what's is, of course, H.
Any movie that begins with H, Ben?
And what was your...
The first one was called Wilson.
Is that about Woodrow Wilson?
No, it's about Woody Harrelson.
It's based on a graphic novel,
and he plays a cranky character named Wilson.
Okay.
It's not about a volleyball
hanging out with Tom Hanks
for four years.
I learned that recently.
He was stranded for four years.
What's that?
I was sad when he lost Wilson.
Did you feel sad?
I mean, it's just a volleyball, but...
He did lose it?
He lost it at one point?
Spoiler alert, yeah.
It like floated away or something?
Or left him for another...
Yep.
Another guy stranded on a different beach.
Another,
another couple of,
a couple of balls on a beach.
All right.
What,
what are you saying?
What's your answer?
H.
How to lose a guy in 10 days.
Okay.
I went with Howard the Duck.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
The next letter for Rob is A.
Any movie that begins with A.
Oh, A.
Do you play this, Duck?
No, why is that written down right in front of me?
Why would I play?
Okay, good point, good point.
You know what? I will play. That'll be fun.
I'm going to win this thing.
Now look what I've done.
Airplane.
Oh, that's very good.
I went with Arthur, starring Dudley Moore.
Arthur, he does what he pleases.
The next letter is T for Dr. J.
Two Days in the Valley.
Okay.
Good, good guess.
My choice was Tommy Boy.
Yeah.
S for you there, Mr. Bailey.
I can't think of a guess that I think is related to the little game you're playing.
Oh, you think all of those are related?
Serpico.
Oh, good.
I went with Steve Jobs.
Damn it.
I knew where you were going.
M for you, Rob.
M for me.
It sounds like a self-help book.
Children.
You got anything?
Yes, I do.
M.
M, it's Moonriser.
No.
What's that movie with Cher?
Oh!
Don't ask, don't tell, you guys.
Shit.
So, Moonstruck. I would say.
Okay, I'll switch gears to another M.
That would be
My Bodyguard.
Yes!
Nice.
Good movie.
Yeah, you look like that kid growing up.
You should make your fiance watch it with you.
You think she'd hate that one?
My Bodyguard?
I'm sure she would.
Oh, it's a pretty sweet movie.
Yeah.
You broke my fucking nose!
Yeah, I don't think it's romantic really,
but it's definitely good for the, you know,
people who are upset about bullying should check it out.
Yeah, just get a bigger bully.
Yeah, exactly.
I went with Marie Antoinette.
Yeah. exactly. I went with Marie Antoinette. Yeah.
Ah.
Y is the next letter for Dr. James Corcoran.
Yentl.
MD.
Paging.
What?
Yentl.
Oh, okay.
I say Yentl.
I went with Young Einstein.
It's just some Yentl.
Did you know that?
Oh, shit.
N for you there, Ben.
North Dallas 40.
How does that fit into the thing?
It doesn't.
You're just struggling to hang in at this point.
It starts with an N.
It does.
You're right about that.
I went with Nixon.
A. Back to you again with another A, Rob.
Animal House.
Okay. I will accept it, but normally we like to call it
the National Lampoon's Animal House.
And my choice for A was Arthur,
the one with Russell Brand.
for A was Arthur,
the one with Russell Brand.
Is that one better?
No.
It's a bit of a misfire,
but I like watching it because Greta Gerwig is in it and I like Russell Brand,
but it's kind of
shoehorning him into somebody else's movie
so it didn't really work.
M over there, the doctor.
Manhunter.
Manhunter.
Okay.
I went with Mary Riley.
Mary Riley.
Yeah, there's a movie called Mary Riley.
Starred an actress you might have heard of
named Julia Roberts.
She's kind of obscure.
But we're back to Ben to finish this off
with the letter E, the last letter in What's My Name.
He's figured out the theme of this thing.
So all he's got to do is take us home.
I sing.
The last answer was
Mary Riley starring Julia Roberts.
The letter E, Ben.
Eric the Viking.
You got the first two letters right.
Erin Brockovich!
Oh, son of a bitch.
How did I miss that?
All right.
Nobody won ABCD's Nuts, but it sure was fun to play.
That means James still gets to go first in our next game,
and then we're going to go to Rob,
and we're going to go to Ben after that,
and everybody has a chance to win.
It's our final game.
But real quick here.
Let's call up Max's mother.
Is there anyone here that wants to do it or should I do it?
Go ahead, man.
You sure you don't want to do it, Ben?
Put her on speaker.
I'm gonna, but I just thought you might want to be the one talking because you have
the most recognizable voice,
probably,
and you could freak her out.
Did she watch Cash Cab?
No.
Did you ask her
before you came today?
Max's mom,
you're in the Cash Cab.
Oh, wait.
She speaks Spanish?
Can you hand me the number?
I don't want to
have to say it out loud.
I definitely shouldn't be
the one to call her then.
I don't speak Spanish.
La madre de Max
who is in the cash cab.
Let's let the doctor do it.
Yeah, would it be better if...
Do you have a local area code?
I do.
Here, you do it.
We'll do it. Because then she'll see it's a local number. If she saw my area code she I do. Here, you do it. We'll do it.
Because then she'll see it's a local number.
If she saw my area code, she might flip out.
I'll do it, but Doug has to talk.
Easy.
Just put her on speaker and we'll all yell at her.
And then you know where the speaker is on your phone
so you can put it up to the mic?
That guy's a fucking doctor, Doug.
Easy.
Yeah, and this is not brain surgery.
And he actually fucked it up and had to hang up
because he dialed the number for all the ones.
Turtle.
Turbo.
Turbo? I don't know which one I dislike more.
Turbo Turtle
I could live with.
What's her name?
Maria.
How did I know that?
Dude, I'm just going to call your mom real quick.
How fucked up is that?
Yeah, you're right.
He doesn't know.
Put the thing at the bottom, yeah.
The very bottom of your phone.
Oh, he got her voicemail.
It's a voicemail.
She shuts it off while she's watching Cash Cab.
What kind of shady lady?
What kind of shady lady?
She's probably hot.
The kind whose son brought her phone number to this fucking thing today.
She shut off her phone.
He's trying to give her to the highest bidder.
So, of course, she's not going to answer the phone.
Oh no, he's calling.
Oh, from your phone? I like it.
I like Doug like that.
She'll pick up that shit.
Mommy!
That's really what it says on the phone.
Oh, that's very sweet.
Mommy.
What the fuck is up with mommy?
She's not accepting her son's calls.
Keep trying her.
Make sure she's okay.
It's because of this.
Maybe she's fallen and she can't get up.
Does she ever let your calls go to voicemail?
Never.
Oh, shit.
This is unusual.
She doesn't even have a voicemail set up?
She does?
Oh.
Oh, well.
I don't know what that means, what you're saying, but...
Let's just call someone else.
This isn't a just-call-somebody show.
Okay.
Max's mom was very special,
because he's trying to give her away to one of you guys.
Well, what if we call another woman named Maria?
He tried to put his mother in the prize bag.
But all these three guys,
they're all happily whatever they are.
They got wives and girlfriends and stuff.
Right?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, true.
Sure.
I hope they don't listen to this.
They're going to be like, wow, you guys really didn't jump up when we...
But not both, you know.
Heather's over there going, why isn't James saying anything?
Why isn't he speaking up?
Yeah.
I think we have her.
Here we go.
I think we've got mommy on the line.
This is exciting. I don't want to. Here we go. I think we've got mommy on the line. This is exciting.
I don't want to talk to your dad.
Do you?
Wait, does he watch Cash Cap?
Do you call him daddy?
She does.
Oh, Dr. James.
I'm so excited
to talk to your mom.
She doesn't speak English at all.
Hey, what's up?
Hi, I'm Doug. This is my show
Doug Loves Movies.
And your son Max is here.
We all love Max. Do you love him?
Yes.
Yes.
all love Max. Do you love him?
Yes.
Oh, that was beautiful. That was fantastic.
That seems to be the prevailing attitude in this
entire area
is women who go, yeah.
Sure,
whatever you say, Doug.
Yeah, so Max is a winner today
because we brought him up on
oh sorry go ahead
oh uh huh
okay so he was up
here on stage and he had
your phone number
he was gonna
give it to whoever wins today
as like as a prize.
And how do you feel about that, your son giving away your phone number?
Hello?
Yikes!
We know how they feel about it.
Oh, fuck, that was perfect.
That was the most perfect timing I've ever seen in my life.
Who is this?
That was brilliant.
All right, well, thank them for us for that.
Say sorry for scaring them.
For that good laugh.
I think I'm going to give her a call back later.
I still have her number.
Oh, you still got the number.
Tell her she's got to block that shit.
Oh, I guess she has to wait for him to call
before she can block him.
They thought James was in his room this whole time.
He snuck out.
They were like, that smell wasn't coming from the basement anymore.
I guess he did leave.
The colitas?
Do you smoke weed, dude?
You should just call him.
Your brothers do?
I'd love to meet them sometime.
Let's just call everyone in the whole family. It looks like he is. Your brothers do? I'd love to meet them sometime.
Let's just call everyone in the whole family.
It looks like he is.
Are you good?
Are you trying to call him back and say sorry about that?
I didn't swear or anything, right?
She's confused as fuck. I can't imagine why.
This doesn't happen every day.
Yeah.
I just face planted and fell off my stool. I can't imagine why. This doesn't happen every day. Yeah. All right, you guys.
I just face planted and fell off my stool.
We got to play one more game to determine our winner here today.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Aaron Brockovich.
Hey, you never know.
This game is called the Ron Bennington.
It's got a new name, this game.
Oh, cool.
Same game, new name.
Same game.
Yep. It's called the Ron Bennington. It's got a new name, this game. Oh, cool. Same game, new name. Yep.
It's called the Ron Bennington Tom Brady game.
Because Ron Bennington thought of it,
and because you have to adjust for inflation.
Joke's about two years too late, but whatever.
It still works.
It still works pretty good.
It's got different levels.
It's good.
I like it.
All right, so this is the game where you have to buzz in with your own name.
What do you want to call yourself, Doc?
Doc.
I love it.
What are you going to call yourself, Ben?
Ben?
You're going to go with Ben?
No, I want to be Doc also.
All right, I'll recognize the difference in your voices. What about you, Rob? Do you also want to be Doc? No, no, I want to be Doc also. All right. I'll recognize the difference in your voices.
What about you, Rob?
Do you also want to be Doc?
No, no.
I want to be Rob.
Okay.
So Heather's really disappointed.
She thought a four-way was in her future.
More drinks.
Somebody order a drink?
Lots of vitamins.
Is that for the doctor?
You have a drink over here.
She likes everybody to call themselves doctor.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
I want to change.
I want to be Heather.
Heather?
You be doc,
I'll be Heather,
and you be Rob.
Okay.
She's very excited about it.
She's really coming to life
over there.
Heather, we can't both be you
at the same time,
so quiet.
But she loves Cash Cab.
She loves Cash Cab?
Okay.
Yeah, just read a magazine in the waiting room.
Pretend you're meeting James for lunch
and you're just waiting for a sec.
Because he's in with a patient.
Just scroll through.
Yeah.
Alright.
So, you buzz in with your own name
when you think you know it.
I'll start naming the top four
on somebody's IMDb page
where it says best known for
and it lists four things.
Sometimes it's pretty random,
but if you buzz in
and guess the right answer,
you get a point.
Wrong answer,
negative one point,
but I'll see that one person
who gets the right answer
gets bonus points for each other movie
in the top four that they can name.
You've done this, Ben.
Eh?
Okay. I mean, it's no stop sign challenge,
but I think you can do it.
Yeah. You tell them, Heather.
Red light challenge!
I swear, that's a Chris Kattan character.
It's a red light challenge, Doug,
not a stoplight challenge.
Or now it's kind of becoming
like a Monty Python character.
No, it is not.
No, it's not.
It's a red light challenge.
You've got over $500 and we're stuck in a red light and that's a red light challenge.
Sorry.
Sorry about that, everybody.
All right, here we go.
Life of Brian.
Okay, first of all,
you have to buzz in with your own name.
Oh.
And then you have to name the actor or actress
the name of the movie they were in.
But that was, you know, that might have been an answer.
Brian. I was going for Brian.
I mean, you know what I mean.
I'm going to say the titles, you say the actor.
All right, here we go.
The first title in this person's...
What the fuck?
I totally explained the wrong game.
I'm not sure who that is.
Nobody called me on it.
I was like, yeah, that game sounds good too.
That's always fun when you play that.
So Life of Brian was actually right?
Yeah, you win.
Yay, I win, I win.
I went through that whole great Tom Brady joke and everything,
and then I described the IMDb game instead of the game we're going to play.
So,
let's try this again.
Okay, okay.
In this first round,
James
gets to go first, and then we'll rotate.
Each of you will get a chance to go first, and then
there's a tiebreaker if necessary.
I'm going to name an actor,
and you each get to guess one movie
that you think might be in their top
three of all time on
Box Office Mojo after being adjusted
for inflation
so now that you've got the rules from two different games
in your head
let's just see how good
that Arizona weed is
do you
doctor do you prescribe marijuana to anyone?
I do not.
You have to have a specific license for it,
but I do send my patients to people to have that prescribed.
Yes.
Very good answer.
Very good.
What about cocaine?
Do you think you could?
Those are dentists that have that.
Oh, right? Because you rub it into your gums. No Those are dentists. Could you be?
Right?
Because you rub it into your gums.
No, the dentists have it.
Those creeps.
Those are dentists.
Okay.
Doctor.
The films of Michael B. Jordan.
Creed.
He's going Creed.
What do you think, Ben?
Black Panther.
Please don't yell out answers.
You guys said it at the same time,
so I can't be too mad about it,
but please don't do it again.
Thanks.
That was a nice exchange.
What'd you say, Ben?
Black Panther.
Oh, yeah.
What do you got there?
It just opened, you know.
Yeah, Fruitvale Station.
You're going Fruitvale?
Going Fruitvale.
Okay.
Coming in, number three is, of course, Chronicle.
Chronicle. Chronicle. Yeah, that, you know, found footage movie about superhero powers.
And then number two, Creed.
Yeah, so that's good for two points for the doc.
And then number one, of course, because it's breaking all kinds of records,
Black Panther, three points for Ben.
And Ben gets to go first in this next round.
All right. Ben has three, Doc has two, and it's always great to have Rob Cantrell here.
I'm keeping it even, you know.
Right.
I haven't gone under
yeah no don't go under
whatever you do
you look so smart
Ben the films of Chadwick Boseman
Chadwick Boseman
fuck
you can pass, of course.
42.
Oh, okay.
People like that.
Rob?
I feel like my bar is so low
that I get applause if I just come up with a movie.
Thank you for that.
That was pretty good.
Yeah.
Gremlins?
I have no fucking clue.
Right, right, right.
It can be a tough one.
So I just thought of a really cool movie.
And I was like, Gremlins would be pretty sweet to watch right now.
That's fair.
I'm all right with that answer.
James?
Black Panther.
He's going Black Panther.
That's an interesting choice.
Coming in at number three,
42. So that's a
point for Ben.
And then
number two,
Black Panther.
Wow. So now
Doc and Ben are tied with
four each, and Rob Cantrell has a new album out.
Not much movie trivia on it.
And number one, do you want to try and re-guess anybody?
Number one?
Not an audience member.
I was making eye contact with these gentlemen i guess i use the
word anybody which does open it up but that person in the audience is correct captain america civil
war america is number one for chad bozeman all right like i said we got a very exciting match
up here with the tie but rob is really the spoiler at this point because while he can't actually get as many points
as the other two players,
he can ruin it for them
by taking a movie that is worth a lot of points.
Just a professional cock block tonight.
Rob, the films of Lupita Nyong'o.
Oh, my favorite.
Lupita Nyong'o.
Yeah, don't need to talk in the audience at all.
What about them?
No reason to say anything.
What's that?
What about them?
What name?
One of her.
I'll give you that clue.
Okay.
Lupita Nyong'o is a lady.
Okay.
One of her, I'll give you that clue. Okay. Lupita Nyong'o is a lady. Okay. One of her top three movies.
And I guess at this point,
I just suggest name an incredibly successful movie.
Just cross your fingers.
Titanic?
That is a great guess.
She would have been an excellent addition
to the Titanic film.
The movie's way too white.
All right.
Now it is James' turn to really take this home.
Black Panther.
He's going Black Panther.
And what do you want to go with there, Ben?
Can I say the same one that someone else already said?
No.
Yeah, that's the tricky part. You gotta come up
with something else. Alright, how about
Lapita Nyong'o?
Avatar. Avatar
is indeed a guess, but
as you could hear by a sad audience
member,
that
is not a movie that she is in.
Can I change my answer then?
No, but go ahead.
I'm just curious what you're go ahead. Life of Brian.
I'm just curious what you're going to say.
Life of Brian.
Okay.
This is interesting because her number one movie
is Star Wars The Force Awakens.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
She plays Maz, the lady with the butthole eyes.
And then
her
second biggest grossing movie is
a motion picture called Star Wars The Last Jedi.
That character appears
in that one as well.
Same asshole eyes?
Yep.
And then her number three, I forget which
animal she portrays in it,
but she's a voice in the most recent version
of The Jungle Book.
That's her number three.
And her number four is Black Panther.
So there's no points for that.
Which means you're still tied,
and we're playing the tiebreaker.
It's a video challenge.
But Rob's out, though, right?
I still have a chance, right?
I love that.
Let him play like this is the end of Rudy.
Let him play.
No, it's a Bad News Bears, isn't it?
Part four or something?
Let them play.
I think the Bad News Bears.
They're playing against the Astros?
Right, but they still Rudy. They're all yelling for him to get in something? Let them play. I think the Bad News Bears. They're playing against the Astros?
Right, but they still, Rudy, they're all yelling for him to get in and get in one play as a professional.
Yeah, but Rudy was not that cool. Yelling, let them play in the Bad News Bears.
Let him play is the sentiment behind why Rudy gets to go out and play.
Okay, buddy.
Which movie did you mean it from, the person who yelled it?
He was just yelling it as just a standard sports yell.
Thank you, my man.
Any sporting event he goes to, he just sits behind somebody on the bench and screams, let him play.
Let him play!
That's my name tag.
Oh, that's why.
He's got your name tag.
You've got a vested interest in this shit horse.
Jeez Louise.
Listen, buttercrud.
Fuck these nerds.
All right, I got a wife.
Yeah, you guys, Rob is out doing things.
He's smoking weed.
He's drinking coffee.
He doesn't have time for trivia.
I'm looking at skies. He's drinking coffee. He doesn't have time for trivia. I'm staring at trees. Take your glasses off.
I'm looking at skies.
Movies are cool.
I gave you some good ones.
Airplane.
Animal House.
The classics.
I saw that Netflix one.
That was really good.
About the National Lampoon writer.
Oh, yeah, yeah. What's it called?
A Feudal and Stupid Gesture.
A Stupid and Feudal Gesture.
That's a really good film. Check that out.
All right.
It's fun that you're throwing that in now when you're
finished.
By my CD?
No, you still get to do the plugs at the end.
But the tiebreaker is just between these two guys.
I got you.
You know me.
I'm not that competitive.
And this time, clearly.
This time, you both just yell out the first movie that comes into your brain.
And the one that's highest up on the ladder is going to be our winner.
What?
I'm going to say the name of the actor or actress.
Okay.
And then you each just blurt out the first one that comes in your head.
Oh, okay.
You both say the same movie.
Same game.
Yeah.
It's the tiebreaker of this game.
And if you both say the same movie, whoever game. Yeah, it's the tiebreaker of this game. And if you both say the same movie,
whoever said it earlier gets dibs on that,
and the other guy can just pick another movie, I guess.
Black Panther.
I'm going to say the name.
All right, sorry.
That was funny, though.
I do enjoy that. That was funny though.
I do enjoy that.
Forrest Whitaker.
Black Panther.
Now Ben has a second to think here.
There's no rush. Fuck.
He's not in that.
He gets Black Panther.
The Last King of Scotland.
You know, when you adjust for inflation,
that probably was a really huge movie.
But he did win the Oscar for that one.
That's true.
How about...
Can I just name another one, or is it over?
This is interesting.
Yeah, name another one, or is it over? This is interesting. Yeah, name another one.
The Arrival.
Okay, name it.
Name another one.
Name another one still?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Black Panther.
No.
God damn you and your cash cab.
That one is taken.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, name another one.
He, like, adopted that through this whole game.
Give us another one.
He read you, like, a book.
I don't have any more.
Well, there's more.
There's more Forrest Whitaker movies.
Is that what we're doing?
Here we go.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Coming in.
Ghost Dog?
The crying game.
Wait, why?
I'm looking at it, ready to tell you the answers.
Okay.
Yeah.
But I thought you wanted me to.
No, I don't.
Okay.
Yeah, I was like, here we go.
Ghost Dog, Way of the Samurai.
Coming in at number 10.
I've got 10 movies here.
You've not, none of the ones you named are in here.
Number 10, Lee Daniels, The Butler.
Number nine, The Crying Game.
You said that one?
I did, yeah.
Okay.
So you got that one at number 9.
8 is Panic Room.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
7 is Stakeout.
6 is Mr. Holland's Opus.
Yeah.
Yeah, people love that movie.
Oh, here's your
prize, Rob.
And five is
Phenomenon.
She really,
man, she really decided she could just make
noise for the entire show just because her
husband's up here. Phenomenon.
Fiancee.
Phenomenon. Doiance. Phenomenon.
Do, do, do, do.
I get it.
Sorry.
Number four.
Whenever someone says
phenomenon, I get that
little Muppet thing in my head.
Yeah.
Number four is
Good Morning Vietnam.
Good!
And coming in at number three
for Forrest Whitaker, Black Panther,
which means Dr. James Corcoran is our winner.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Number two is Platoon, and number one is Rogue One, a Star Wars story
where he plays
Questlove's grandfather.
Does he have butthole eyes?
And Roman J. Israel Esquire's great-grandfather.
What's that?
I said, does he have butthole eyes?
No, that's just
Betty Davis.
Yeah, that's an old ass reference Alright so
Pass me your name tag there Ben
Thank you very much
I guess James you can just come get all the prizes
And take them to
The lovely Heather
Thank you very much
I mean as a
Physician Is it like a family practice that you have?
Yeah.
So do you want to give this away to somebody or do you want to keep it?
I'll keep it.
He's going to keep the bong.
I'll keep it.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Paging Dr. Bong.
Congratulations, buddy.
Yeah.
Congrats.
Give that to your dentist friend.
Wait a second.
You don't have anything to plug?
Yeah. Where are you going to be next weekend?
Come on down and
show me your rash, everybody.
Central Phoenix.
Dr. Corky.
At your service.
Corky Romano.
Alright. Ben
Bailey, what do you got to plug, dude?
I'm looking it up.
Look it up.
I'll be at the Orlando Improv in Orlando, Florida, March 9th and 10th.
I'll be at Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington, Vermont, March 15th to 17th.
People clapping for maple syrup.
Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane, Washington, June 8th and 9th.
And Parlor Live in Bellevue, Washington, the, Washington, June 8th and 9th and Parlor Live
in Bellevue, Washington the next weekend,
June 15th and 16th.
Please come out and laugh with me, everyone.
Oh, and new cash cabs are coming, man.
Shark Week.
Looks like there's going to be some new cash cabs again.
Oh, nice.
Are all the questions about sharks?
All shark stuff, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
God damn.
Yeah.
That would be difficult.
Jaws is the only answer
I'd have.
Rob Cantrell,
what do you got to plug?
Oh, just my album, everybody.
Go get it.
Pure Uncut Joy.
It's on everything
Spotify, Tidal.
I have a few vinyl. just hit me up outside.
But it's recorded one night in Brooklyn, New York,
at a place called Pete's Candy Store,
which is a rock venue, and it's just one show.
A lot of specials, a lot of albums.
They'll record multiple shows and mix it.
This is 45 minutes, recorded really well,
in a small crowd, and I love it, and I'd love for you to check it out.
Awesome, man.
Doug, can I plug another thing?
I think you always do.
Yeah, well.
I think you always think of another one.
What is it?
Well, I just remembered that I have a special that's out, too.
It's called Ben Bailey Live and Uncensored.
It's part of the gift pack.
You guys can get it on my website.
And I have a short film that you should check out. It's called Badly Live and Uncensored. It's part of the gift pack. You guys can get it on my website. And I have a short film that you should check out.
It's called Badly Written Action Man.
Or Blam.
And it's about...
I play an action hero whose lines are terribly written.
You can get it on my website.
You should check it out.
Where can you see that at?
Just on my website right now.
That's the only place.
Which is therealbenbailey.com.
And you should know that if you type
blam in, it also, I didn't know
this, but it also stands for black woman
Asian man, so
you're gonna
have to weed through some very
different shit to find my
short film. It's totally
accidental. And maybe
you'll find something that you like that you didn't know you
liked.
Especially if you're already
one of those two things. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. If you're not, then maybe you can watch.
You might, yeah.
I'd like to watch a black woman and an Asian man.
Could somebody make that happen for me?
Douglow's Movies returns
to Cafe Istanbul in New
Orleans on Tuesday
March 6th and for those that like to ask me
when's the next episode coming out
well that'd probably be on Wednesday
March 7th and thank you
guys for being here
and to Max
for letting us call his family
hello
that was fantastic Hello?
That was fantastic.
That was awesome.
That was super good.
And wait, so this one I've said before, I think, and I just want to make sure I'm pronouncing it right.
It's yours, right?
Yeah, how do you pronounce that last name?
Say it quietly so no one hears it.
Okay, got it.
Thank you to the Tempe Improv
and as
always, FCC
Chair Ajit Pei is
the shithead.
And
yeah, people go
political on this stuff.
Jeff Flake's lack of a spine
is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold,
his viewing prowess
makes him cocky.
There's no room
in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.