Doug Loves Movies - Ben Schwartz, Noel Wells, Neal Brennan and Ken Reid guest
Episode Date: February 4, 2016Live from the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes comedians Ben Schwartz, Noel Wells, Neal Brennan and Ken Reid to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy No...tice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Enjoy the show! He won't see the Doug Loves Movies
Hey, hey, hey everybody!
My name is Doug and I love movies!
This is Doug Loves Movies!
Oh, it's like we never left each other.
Coming to you from the UCB theater Franklin location that's right we're
gonna do one at the sunset location soon but it's Wednesday February 3rd 2016 did
any of you attend Julian loves music last night nobody not one of you well
let me ask you the follow-up question. Did you have a good time?
Because that was a solitary experience.
It turns out, as often happens with live podcasts,
I did not anticipate it happening here, but it's a dead, lost episode.
It's Julian's first episode of Julian Loves Music,
and the sound didn't turn out for reason
let's not point fingers let's just move on that was like a test show and he's going to do another
one soon and then that will be available for people to listen to but you don't want to hear
this one because it's just shit was too hot or something. And, you know, what are you going to do?
Doug plugs!
This Sunday, February 7th,
yeah, there's some show on TV
that I'm going to watch at CineFamily.
And if you're a member,
go to cinefamily.org to join up.
You can get in for free.
It's a membership-only potluck
and watching of a TV program
that is of major
national interest.
You know, like
are we that scared of the NFL
that we can't just say
that we're going to watch
Lifetime?
We're just going to watch the Lifetime channel
all afternoon.
It's a potluck, so bring a dish,
and we'll talk about it on Dining with Doug and Karen.
Next Wednesday, February 10th,
Douglas Movies returns to the American Comedy Company in San Diego.
We were just there.
It's a ballsy move, but I thought, why not do it again?
And then another ballsy move,
trying a Douglas Movies at the Fort Lauderdale Improv on February 27th at 420.
DouglasMovies.com for more info.
That's DouglasMovies.com.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
At Adam Goodell tweeted,
they should reboot
Paranormal Activity
with Jamie Lee Curtis
and call it Paranormal Activia.
This has been
tweet relief.
Not an ad edition.
It's not supportive of Activia.
It's just the punchline.
The prize bag you guys
Holy shit we got a Douglas Movies t-shirt
We got
Notes
On a Scandal
Starring Dame Judy Dench
And
Academy Award nominee for Carol
Clayton Benchett
We got An episode On VHS of Felicity.
Todd Mulcahy part one.
So apologies for leaving you with a cliffhanger.
We got an episode of The Oblongs.
That was a terrific animated show.
We got, I don't know what the fuck this is.
The Jaguar London Calling Collection.
And it's a series of songs.
Oh, well, the first one is London Calling by The Clash.
And then, yeah. And the kinks are on. Oh, it's the first one is London Calling by The Clash. And then, yeah.
And the kinks are on.
Oh, it's all good people.
Psychedelic Furs, Zombies, Van Morrison.
So it's probably not a bad collection of songs put together by Jaguar.
And last night I got to see this movie called Southbound at Cinefamily,
and they gave out car air fresheners,
and the movie's all about purgatory and hell,
and so you could hang a demon that smells good from your rearview mirror.
All of that is going to be won by somebody in addition to all the stuff
that's been brought here by my four guests,
my four esteemed guests,
who I'm going to bring out here right now.
Please give a big warm welcome to
Ken Reed, Noelle Wells, Neal Brennan, and Ben Schwartz!
Woo!
Oh my god, just look at them.
Hello.
There they are.
Yeah, get comfortable, everybody.
Put things wherever you need to put them.
That was a sexy intro. Get comfortable and put things where you need to put them.
Yeah.
And that's Ken Reed, everybody, of the Boston Reads.
Indeed.
Visiting us from the East Coast, host of the I'm going to get this right,
TV Guidance Counselor podcast.
Yes, indeed.
And I got to do that still.
Yes.
What happens on that podcast?
So I own every issue of TV Guide
like a normal person does. Yeah, of course.
Who doesn't? Yeah, somebody picks an
old issue, they look through it, they write down
what they'd watched that week in history,
and then they hand me the TV Guide, they have their list,
and we talk about their choices.
I love it. How many do they pick?
They go primetime
the whole week, so 8 to 10 from Saturday night to Friday.
When was the first TV Guide ever made?
Well, it's complicated.
Oh, I'm happy I asked this question.
Let's get into it.
Doug loves movies.
Much like the WWF bought many regional wrestling companies,
there were individual regional TV Guides that got bought out by corporate,
so there were some in different markets.
But the first national TV guide was 1959.
Okay, I regret asking.
I know.
Everyone I know says that about everything they ask me.
Well, let's just introduce him now.
I was going to go in a different order,
but since he spoke up and almost won the Pete Holmes Award,
it's Ben Schwartz, everybody.
Hi, everybody. Does Pete Holmes talk too It's Ben Schwartz, everybody. Hi, everybody.
Does Pete Holmes talk too much?
He talks immediately.
Like, there's no, like,
let's let Doug talk to each of the guests
and get to know everybody.
It's just like, ah!
Just right away.
But I love him.
He's got a new show,
and it's about comedians,
so I hope to have a part on it.
So, Ben,
I'm friends with Judd Apatow and Pete Holmes.
If they don't put me on it,
I'll block both of them on Twitter.
Wow, wow.
I'll block them.
Come on.
All right.
I'll mute them.
Let them back and mute them.
Don't let them know that you feel that way.
I'll just mute them.
Ben, you're the voice of BB-8 for motherfucking sake.
Voice consultant.
I consulted. What did you do?
Did you walk in a room and go, beep boop, beep boop, boop?
That's amazing.
Literally did that. Did you say BB-8 should
have my hair? Because that would have been
against the culture. First thing I said was, beep boop, beep boop, boop.
What about this hair? I dropped the mic
and said, see ya, JJ.
At the beginning when they were, JJ. At the beginning
when they were,
JJ won like the,
the,
JJ.
Sorry,
JJ Abrams,
sorry.
Just JJ.
James Joyce Abrams
wanted a,
what do you think
his JJ stands for?
Oh,
that's a good question.
Jumpin' Jack.
What is it?
Jumpin' Jack Abrams.
Jumpin' Jack Abrams.
I think it's Jeremiah Johnson.
That's good.
He wanted the droid to have like personality stuff, so I originally came in there and. That's good. He wanted the droid
to have like personality stuff
so I originally came in there
and I said like real lines
as the droid
and they were going to
turn them into beeps
and then I think in the end
I don't know how much
of that they used
and I think he found
like an app on an iPad
and just did it that way.
They were nice
to still give you credit.
So Bill Hader
did the same thing?
Yeah, I guess my dialogue
was used so the editors
can edit with the droid
so I would say words
and they would edit
as if they were
talking like that.
And then when it came to time,
they would turn it
into the beeps.
Wow.
Yeah, it was pretty cool.
I got to see drafts of it.
It was very, very fun.
So it was your rhythm.
That's right.
Cadence.
I hope so.
Maybe.
Who knows?
I heard it right there.
Did you feel it?
Did it feel like BB-8?
BB-8 is as lovable as you are.
That's all I gotta say.
BB-8 is like
super Jewish
and always has
like a half a pound
of salmon with him
or something like that.
Drainals, Luke!
When Doug has
this episode edited,
he's gonna turn
everything he's saying
to beeps.
Oh!
That'd be so great
for a whole show
if you just respond
with beeps
to everything.
No, no,
we'll put it in later.
Don't worry about it, Doug. Just say words and we'll put it in later. Don't worry about it.
Just say words and we'll translate it.
Noelle Wells is here, everybody.
Second time on the show.
I survived.
Back and ready to fight all these dudes.
They're all manspreading right now.
I just have to go with that. It's a complete manspread situation back there,
so she's got to keep it tight.
What?
Keep it tight?
That's a good tagline for a movie.
In a manspreading world, she keeps it tight.
Oh, that's perfect.
K-I-T.
Yeah.
Fifty Shades of Grey 2.
I watched Master of None, and it's great.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah.
Last time she was on the show,
I hadn't seen it yet
because I was watching
movies at the time.
I was trying to watch
365 movies in one year
and I did it
and then this year,
so far I've seen
three movies
because I'm fucking
over movies
and now I'm watching Netflix
and I caught up on
Master of None
and great job.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
I don't, the naturalness
on that show, it must all
trickle from Aziz. Like he must be
so natural with you that you're natural
back and everybody's natural.
It's so fucking natural.
I can't get over it.
It's kind of like hanging out with Aziz
and like, and then Noel's his girlfriend
who came with him
you're right he looks at his phone more
in real life
no comment
I thought Noel was amazing
he's a real phone looker
and also one time
we were on a train together and I had my laptop
open and he goes somebody needs to clean
up his desktop and I was my laptop open, and he goes, somebody needs to clean up his desktop.
And I was like, you fucking nerd.
Get the fuck away from me.
Oh, now he's a big, huge success.
Great.
But thanks for coming back, Noel.
And finally, finally, Neil Brennan is here, everybody.
Yes.
Yes.
Who's doing a one-man show. Yeah's true which sounds awful i'm so the premise might
scare some people away but we'll talk through it three all right it's called three mics that's
correct and you have three microphones on stage one is for stand-up you traverse between them
one is for like one-liners and one is um spoken word poetry i'm between them. One is for, like, one-liners. Mm-hmm. And one is
spoken word poetry.
I'm kidding.
No, one is
just, like,
emotional, personal shit.
I would have liked it
if you had three mics
just so you could
fucking drop two
because that's how...
Yeah, yeah.
That's how great you are.
Yeah.
But I only have
two jokes good enough.
No, but, you know,
at specific moments,
you would just mic drop.
But it's still a cool, fun premise.
Yeah, it's good.
People like it.
And you're going to do a run of it
in New York City.
Yes.
Where in New York?
The Bleeker Street.
Yeah, fuck yeah.
The Birbiglia show is on,
and then mine.
Yeah.
That's terrific.
And when does it start?
It starts February 23rd.
When does it end? Let's give people a limit. It's terrific. And when does it start? It starts February 23rd.
When does it end?
Let's give people a limit.
It's supposed to end March 16th.
Might get extended?
Maybe.
We'll see.
I'm excited about it.
It's at Largo tomorrow night.
Yeah.
So if you're listening
to this today
because this will come out
tomorrow,
go to Largo tonight
to see three mics.
Yes.
Yeah.
Please.
It's not three guys named Mike.
It's one guy named Neil
with three microphones.
Oh.
I like the idea
of three different guys
named Mike.
Yeah.
One microphone,
three guys named Mike
fighting over it.
Did you intentionally
go shopping for like,
I need a sweater
that looks like
one of those rocks that's fake,
and you throw it at somebody, and it turns out it's not real?
It's like a hide-a-key rock.
Yeah, it's a hide-a-key rock sweater you got on.
I have a series of keys on the inside of this sweater.
For anything, like every door.
I want to see you under a welcome mat.
I'm locked out of my house.
Call Ben.
All right, well, let's go down the line
and ask everybody
starting with Ken Reed
what was the last movie
you saw
I watched
All Things Must Pass
the Tower Records documentary
alright
oh yeah
directed by our friend
Tom Hanks Jr.
yep
and
yeah
Colin
hey Yanks
yep
and
and it's great
it's a great documentary
about Tower Records
which like
I
I think I set foot
in every Tower Records
when I was
touring as a comedian
and they were in
lots of towns
and I grew up
in the town
that had one
and
yeah
it's a really
it's a great experience
because you get to
it's kind of sad though be happy about the recognition of it but be sad about how all
things must pass there were like an embassy for people who were miserable it was like sovereign
nation status in towns in the middle of nowhere yeah lots of comedians worked at yeah right
posain worked at the one in san francisco Yeah. And yeah, it's a great documentary.
And thanks for coming, Ken.
Thanks for having me.
Goodbye.
Neil?
You're a good guy, right?
Neil?
In the theater?
Yeah, or any device, any way that you watch movies.
I watch The Untouchables on Saturday.
Ooh.
Like De Niro and Costner?
Yeah.
And?
Does it hold up?
It's great, yeah.
Yeah?
It's like a fake movie.
It's so good.
It's like a fake movie.
Every scene is like a fake scene.
It's very operatic, and each sequence is a sequence.
It's like there's a beginning, middle, and end of every scene.
And the music's something.
I've got more coney to do than me.
It's like crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
Everything was great.
I've always loved that movie, but it's been a whileey to do the music. It's like crazy. Everything was great. I've always loved
that movie,
but it's been a while
since I've seen it.
It's fucking great.
And what's his name?
Sean Connery's
buttons in the great
they pull a gun,
you pull a knife scene.
Open, close,
open, close.
Oh, is it really?
Yeah, the whole time.
Drives me crazy.
Because it's such
a great scene,
but his collar
keeps changing.
Continuity.
Continuity, motherfucker.
Did Robert Stack make an appearance in the movie?
Who? Robert Stack. I don't think so.
I don't think so. Because he was in the TV
series, and then when the movie came out, he was
in Caddyshack 2 the same year. That was before
they did, like... They should have put Robert Stack
in to honor the original.
Yeah, no, they don't honor the original.
That must have been rough. In that case, it's just all new
people and new thing.
Critically acclaimed, and he's a cat in a shack, too.
Garcia is in there.
It's his first Andy Garcia.
But yeah, I like that movie.
Let's bring it down a notch.
Why, just because we're going to get to Noel?
Yeah.
What's your sexy movie suggestion?
Well, last night
I saw
The Revenant
oh yeah
and it was
did you
it made me so horny
did it make you want
did it make you want
to get inside a horse
oh my god
I was like
walking around
down the street
like can I climb
to that man
do you like it
it was cute.
The best review for The Revenant I've ever heard.
It was so cute.
I was really excited to go see it
because I had gotten a manicure like two weeks ago
and the woman who was giving me a manicure,
she was like 50 and she had seen
all of the Oscar nominated features
that she was like,
it made me feel so cold.
And I was really hoping the movie would make me feel cold.
But it made me feel more like I had definitely been murdered
in a past life.
Like I was like, I think I was murdered.
And I, yeah.
It's a struggle just for the viewer.
Yeah.
To get through his experiences.
Like, I think that's why Leo's cleaning up on all the awards.
He's just like, well, he's always been good.
But man, did he get fucked over.
I found it a struggle.
You know what?
Those flashbacks were a struggle.
Yeah.
They were so fucking boring.
I like that most of his acting was just.
And then when he did talk, if you hear Leo's voice,
it's kind of high I don't know
it just doesn't really match
all the
he kind of has like
a sweet voice
yeah
I just was noticing
like I guess
with all the beard and stuff
he was less baby face
than normal
but he's like a
you know
a guy that's never
going to stop looking
like he's 22
he might be like
a bad 22
like he eats
too many Cheetos 22
yes but he's still going to always look young with a huge head yeah he's got Mickey Rooney He might be like a bad 22, like a eats too many Cheetos 22. Yes.
But he's still going to always look young.
With a huge head.
Yeah.
He's got Mickey Rooney syndrome.
A huge head of 22-year-old.
I did get home after the movie and looked in the mirror
and was shocked I didn't have a beard.
Oh, yeah.
I was like, oh, all right, I'm me.
Why accuse Zach Alvinakis of, you know,
when he worked with Iñárritu on Birdman,
that he just said, my next feature, everyone's going to look like
Zach.
I found him. I found
the look that I like. And views.
The blueprints. I could just see
Zach also being offered a part and then going,
oh, filming in the snow? No thanks.
You know, like, let me give you my friend
Leo's number. He'll do it.
Well, I don't know if they offered him that part.
Oh, God. That would be awesome. He'll do it. Yeah. Well, I don't know if they'll offer him that part. Oh, God.
That would be awesome.
That would be amazing.
Oh!
Mrs. Doubtfire comes in the room.
Woo!
A drive-by fruiting.
Woo!
What was the last movie
you saw, Ben?
In theaters,
I think it was Room.
I think that was it.
Yeah?
Which was maybe my favorite.
That and Mad Max
are my two favorite movies
of the year.
That's a good sampling. Room was outstanding. I was maybe my favorite. That and Mad Max are my two favorite movies of the year. That's a good sampling.
Room was outstanding.
I loved it so much.
It's so good.
I cried so many times.
I fucking blubbered.
Same.
Straight up blubbered.
I beg people to see it
without paying any attention
to anything about
what they're about to see.
Yes, same with me.
Well, I didn't really know.
So I had a straight up PTSD flashback
and I didn't think I was going to have it.
This is, I'm going to go deep.
About the movie?
About the movie.
Okay, so I went with a friend
and her dad had just recently died
and I was like, oh, I don't know,
maybe it might be too touchy.
Do you want to go?
And she's like, no, it'll be fine.
And then, so I was kidnapped by my dad
when I was five.
And I used to, I talk a lot about it
and like joke about it and like I'm always like,
I'm totally fine!
And then there's like.
And then.
How are we supposed to compete against you tonight now?
And.
You do these jokes as Bobcat Goldflake?
Yeah.
Ah!
Ah!
I did.
Ah!
Ah!
And it's been always been my whole thing. Like I used to tell people this I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did,
I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I college, I told this guy that I got kidnapped, and then he got really excited. He was like, oh, one time I saw a guy get hit by a car and die,
and I was like, cool, I'll be your best friend.
So I was like, what else?
That sounded like you were talking to Aziz.
Anyway, so the movie, there was a point in the movie where I was like,
oh, this is such a good movie, this is so good.
And then, I don't want to spoil anything,
but there was a certain moment where I was like,
it was like PTSD, and then I wept uncontrollably the whole movie,
like things like lightning was going through my brain.
And I couldn't get up because I knew I would scream.
So I was crying so hard.
Can I guess what happened?
Did your father roll you up in a carpet?
Oh, no.
Shut up.
Will this review fit on the DVD case?
It was at that moment
for sure,
but it was like
the escape part.
It was like,
because it was like,
I really...
Don't say anymore.
Yeah, I can't.
That's enough.
Anyway, oh my God.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
I'll put you in a shed.
Not again.
Oh my God.
I know your audience.
Anyway, that movie was real good.
Was it too dramatic? Or did you like it?
No, I felt like it was cathartic.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, I was like, I think I needed this in this moment in my life.
I hope that anybody that's been in a horrible situation like that would find that movie cathartic.
Because it would be pretty intense.
It's intense for a guy
like me. I was
losing my mind through that movie.
I already sort of knew where the movie
was going to go and that's how
effective it is. It still worked for me even
though I knew the outcome.
I thought it was pretty amazing.
Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack it.
I love that you're talking about it. What was your favorite movie
of the year from last year?
Favorite?
Yeah.
That's tough,
but Room is way up there.
And I did like The Revenant
quite a bit.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, I did too.
And for popcorn movies
going back way earlier
in the year,
I really like Kingsman
and the Secret Service.
Everybody says that.
I didn't see it.
It was good.
It's a really fun movie.
Yeah.
You don't have to
applaud for it. Are the Kingsman in the audience? Matthew movie. Yeah. You don't have to applaud for it.
Are the Kings going to be the audience?
Matthew Vaughn's going to walk out and go, thank you.
I can stop listening to Douglas movies now.
It happened.
Finally, that recognition.
I've been babbling about that movie for a while.
His new movie, Vince Vaughn, Matthew Vaughn's new movie, Eddie the Eagle.
I got to see that and it's really fun
I think the advertising might turn people off
It's more as gumpy
If you just go it's fun
Because he really, the guy he's playing
Because it's the same actor
Taron Egerton from
Kingsman is this guy
Eddie the Eagle
He's got the big thick glasses
He's a lot like Bubbles on Trailer Park Boys.
But ultimately, it really works.
It wins you over.
So there's that.
All of these movies sounded depressing.
Oh, no, that one's like Cool Runnings.
Isn't it supposed to be uplifting?
Oh, it's super uplifting.
I mean, it's a little rocky in in that like the guy is never really gonna
really win,
but that he gets far enough
that it's an achievement.
Like he,
there were no English
long jumpers
in the Olympics
until him.
Oh, wow.
And now there are.
Yeah.
So good for him.
Good job, Eddie the Eagle,
if you're listening.
This is the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin.
Lady and gentlemen, there's folks in the audience
that have brought cleverly fashioned name tags
or something that they just scribbled their name on,
but you get to pick.
I don't get involved in your choices.
Just stand up from your seat and go out
into the audience to pick the name tag that speaks to you. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll
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Back to the show.
We're back.
Who are you guys playing for?
Starting with Ken down there on the end.
I assume this is the Bri animator?
But it might be the Bri animator?
Bri animator, because it would, you know, make sense.
Yeah, but some people don't know.
It's a guy.
So is it Bri animator?
Or is it Brianna?
I'm bad at drawing.
Oh, it's her.
Oh, it's supposed to be Doug.
Oh, that's a picture of me. Yeah, it has a joint in its mouth. But you're Brianna animator, it's her. Oh, it's supposed to be Doug. Oh, that's a picture of me.
But you're Brianna Animator.
Okay, cool.
So she's going to make you a reanimated head.
It looks like Jonah Ray, doesn't it?
It's...
It's like Fred Flintstone on a bender.
Can you...
That's how people describe me.
Yeah.
Good job, Reanimator.
Who are you playing for, Neil?
I don't want to talk about that yet.
I should have mentioned this immediately.
I saw fucking Jean-Claude Van Damme on the street today.
What?
You did?
How much money did you give him?
How do you not lead with that?
I know.
I fucked up.
Did you almost get into a fight with him?
Was he doing the splits?
I just let him be... I just let him be him.
You know what I mean?
He was in a Bentley, though.
Which is like, what are you doing?
You don't got the money.
You don't got Bentley money.
He was parking it.
He was just parking it.
Can I ask you a real question?
Yeah.
Were there two Bentleys and he was spliced?
In between?
Yeah.
Do the legs out? Yeah.
Okay, I'm playing for
Maya.
She made a
Selma.
Sel Maya. Maya.
Why did she put Chris Rock's face over
Martin Luther King?
Maybe she thinks that is Martin Luther King.
He's definitely the new
Martin Luther King.
Because he's hosting the Oscars. Remember when Martin Luther King. He's definitely the new Martin Luther King because he's hosting the Oscars.
Yeah, remember when Martin Luther King hosted the Oscars?
And then what it says, BHM.
Black History Month.
Oh, there you go.
Okay.
All right, you're lucky I knew that.
Thank God racism's over.
Solved by one name tag.
I feel like the H Doesn't take that far
Away enough from BM
Why did you put
Chris Rock's face on this?
Because the Oscars
Because he's hosting the Oscars
And then why the woman
From Coming to America?
Because I like her outfit
She likes her outfit
I thought that was
Janet Jackson
This is a real
Freestyle name tag
Like just random shit
On there
Just things I like.
It worked.
It worked.
It got picked.
Yeah.
Success.
Noel?
I'm playing for
Molly.
Oh.
Molly.
You're going to get
some if you win.
Some Molly.
Yes.
I'm definitely
playing for Molly.
M-O-L-L-Y.
Like Wally but Molly. Molly. I'm definitely playing for you. M-O-L-L-Y, like Wally, but Molly.
And it's a lovely poster.
It does look like Molly's a cyborg who was a severed head
that only survives due to her robot body, though.
Yes.
The cuteness is so lost.
It's so cute.
She's holding her feet.
What's the tagline on this movie?
From the humans who brought you Kevin.
What? Shut up. She's like holding her feet. What's the tagline on this movie from the humans who brought you Kevin? What shut up?
Do you have a brother named Kevin you do right
Molly such a sister that Kevin would have man my god such a Kevin thing to do classic fucking Kevin
Who are you playing for, Ben?
I'm playing for a guy named Kevin.
No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
I'm playing for Rob, right?
Is it Rob? The Robinant.
The Robinant. And without seeing what's written on the back. There's no shithead on the back.
Oh, wow. That reeks of office
computer print job. But it's a good
Photoshop. I'm proud of you, man.
No shithead on the back. His hair isn't even long.
Yeah, good job.
No shithead is his way
of saying he thinks
you're going to win.
Oh, wow.
All right,
I'll take it home for you.
He's got a lot of confidence in you.
Good.
Ken, what'd you bring
for the prize bag?
I have a few things.
I got a vinyl soundtrack
to the film Dragnet,
Dan Aykroyd's vinyl.
That's amazing.
You had me at Dragnet.
Yeah, yeah. It's a fantastic film. Dude, that Aykroyd's final film. That's amazing. You had me at drag.
It's a fantastic film.
Dude, that's great.
It's great.
It's got the rap song that Tom Hanks does.
I'm on a Hanks heavy night.
I have two maps to the star's homes from 1981,
which includes Prince's House,
that I don't know if you ever lived in.
This is cute, and I win.
In 1986, if you wanna go to Richard Gere's house from 1986, I
have Collectible Simpsons
cover TV guides.
And Collectible Seinfeld
Hirschfeld TV guides.
In each case, you're still going to have to
finish the collection because it's only
two.
Yeah, I will
sell you the other two.
I'll be out back with the other two and I'll sell them
to you for $200.
And then some buttons.
Some buttons.
That's unbelievable. What do the buttons say on them?
From my podcast.
What are these TV guides worth?
Oh, nickel.
Great.
It's pretty neat, though.
They're in plastic and everything.
It hasn't even been claimed.
They seem important, don't they?
Yeah.
Cryogenic TV guides.
Do you have more than one copy of both of those?
I do.
Many of them or no?
I have many.
Okay, got it.
Never mind. He's a real TV guide. Well, have more than one copy of both of those? I do. Many of them or no? I have many. Okay, got it. Never mind.
He's a real TV guy.
Well, they're regional, you know.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, yeah, they are.
You gotta have all the variations.
Neil, what did you bring?
I brought a bunch of screeners.
Oh, that's not right, but let's do it.
Big Short.
Great movie.
That's like Jean-Claude Van Damme, right?
Yeah.
Straight Outta Compton. Steve Jobs. Wow. Great movie. That's like Jean-Claude Van Damme, right? Yeah. Straight Outta Compton.
Steve Jobs.
Wow.
Spotlight.
Wow.
Brooklyn.
The Danish Girl.
Beast of No Nation.
And Joy.
Why?
Isn't it weird that they didn't send out Carol?
Like, doesn't that seem like enough of a contender?
They should have sent her.
He kept Carol.
I kept Carol Carol I actually did
you hung on to that
was it good
Carol
the manicures
it's alright
the manicures
I went to said
it's real boring
but I like the way
they look
made her Carol
yeah
the movie looks fabulous
throughout
but it's kind of boring
the actresses are good
I think Rooney Mara
has good potential for a supporting
actress. She's good.
She's a lead. Whenever a supporting
actor part is
basically the lead, they also
tend to win. You know, like Timothy
Hutton in Ordinary People. That movie's about
him, but he won Best Supporting
Actor. The piano.
Who else was it? It was Holly Hunter and the little girl. Harvey Keitel. And she won Best Supporting Actor the piano like who else was it
it was Holly Hunter
and the little girl
Harvey Keitel
and she won
Best Supporting Actress
even though she's in
the whole thing
the kid from Room
should have got nominated
he was so good
for either
for either
you can't make
that movie without him
no
you literally can't
make the movie
you can make
you can replace
Brie Larson
like she was great
but like you could
replace her.
That kid was fucking amazing.
The director said, this is so nerdy,
the director said in order for them to feel like
they were really trapped in a room,
he stayed in the room in the bathtub
when they're shooting, and he would look at the,
sorry, are you going to cry?
Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
Let's talk about something else.
The movie Gem and the Holograms came out.
They stayed in the bathroom
to be inspired
for that movie.
It's just so...
I don't want to say it,
Noelle.
It's not worth your pain.
Truly.
I love burning.
I love it.
Okay, I'll do it real quick.
In order to make
the room feel very small
and that lived in,
they kept...
They didn't remove
any of the walls
whenever they could,
so he would stay
in the bathtub
and look through
the monitor and tell his directions through there, so he would stay in the bathtub and look through the monitor
and tell his directions through there,
so he'd be in the room with them sometimes.
Lenny Abramson, sorry, sorry.
That guy's great.
Incredible director.
What Richard saw, I haven't seen,
but everybody says that's amazing.
Yeah, he did Frank also.
And Frank is also a terrific movie.
He's doing another movie that's going to be awesome
that's coming out.
Do you know that, or are you just guessing?
No, I read about it.
The way you said it was like... The story's amazing. I just know. I just like him. I just awesome that's coming out. Do you know that or are you just guessing? No, I read about it. The story's amazing.
I just know. I just like him.
I just think he's really good.
Jewish and Irish.
Room is completely sad and Frank has got lots of
happiness to it.
The tone of the two movies
is so different and
so assured at the same time.
Good for him.
Good job, Lenny.
Sorry to bring that up.
Yeah, sorry to bring that up.
We'll move on to a game that is a brand new game on the show.
Do you want to know what she brought?
Yeah.
Don't just completely skip over her.
No, I thought that the prizes from Neil and Ken were good enough.
Everybody's happy and you can just keep your crap.
All right.
Great.
I love it.
Now, what'd you bring?
Brought a Team Noelle mug.
If you guys listen to one of the podcasts I did, I brought one.
I have a whole bunch.
I love it.
At least multiple dozens.
Team Noelle with the umlaut over the E.
Yeah, and then some Ginny's ice cream gift cards.
Ooh.
How much are those good for?
A thousand each.
Maybe five bucks.
Five to ten.
These are your loose change gift cards?
And then, sorry, I really skimped this time.
And I was just shooting a pilot in Austin,
and so I have an Austin, the music capital of the world,
bottle opener.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that I use a lot in the hotel room, so.
What kind of bottles were you opening?
That is a sad night contained in a mug.
Yeah.
Right in a mug.
It's a bottle opener, a mug,
it's an ice cream gift card.
Was that the night you saw Rome?
It's like an instant sad night.
Yes, that night.
That night.
Pass that stuff down here, fellas,
while Ben tells us about what he brought.
I brought a pair of Nikes for whoever wants.
I brought a pair of basketball sneakers
that haven't been worn before
that are new and nice and beautiful.
And then I did this live read of a movie I wrote
that got on the blacklist
that was a remake of Soap Dish.
And we put it on for like 800 people
and we got an artist
named Steve Dressler
to make it
so we have a couple
of these
and I don't think
the movie will ever
be made
and so this will
be worth nothing
but Steve Dressler
also a great artist
and I just found out
that someone had
stolen his artwork
for something
so I want to make sure
I supported him
when I could
so this is great
and he did that
so those things
thanks Ben
and Doug is going
to sign it
so it's worth
a bunch of money.
All right.
I don't usually like signing other people's artistry
but I'll fucking
put my name on the sign.
Make sure there's no check
on the bottom of that.
I've fallen for that before.
Sign the check.
We did it, guys.
Yes.
Did you include Koffish Klagen in the remake?
My favorite thing from Soap Dish.
What is Koffischer Klagen?
They're trying to screw over Kevin Kline,
and they're reading the lines off the teleprompter,
so they give him a disease called Koffischer Klagen.
Oh, that's amazing.
And he sees the word, and it's fantastic.
That's incredible.
Ben, did you see Soap Dish?
No, never seen it.
Yeah.
It's the one with who john candy yeah john candy rick moran it's called delirious in the us i'm
into it and here are the sneakers okay let's play a game oh wait what oh the thing the poster What? The poster got smashed! Oh, shit. Sorry, guys.
Wow.
The poster's ruined, but the sneakers,
those are going to be in good shape. What size are the sneakers?
13.
Is there anybody with size 13?
Molly, do you have size 13?
Oh, God. Well, whoever wins, give it to the person who just clapped.
Yeah.
Just share. Share it.
The first game we're going to play tonight is a brand new game it's called fin and it's um suggested by a guy named mish
and um on twitter m-i-s-c-h-l-e-c-t mishlect uh suggested this game, you know, at the end of French movies,
sometimes Italian, it says fin, F-I-N.
So this game is, I'm going to say,
the last line from a motion picture.
Yes.
And then the first person who can blurt out
the correct answer into their microphone
is the winner of this game.
In English, though, not in French.
It matters.
If you say it in French, I will give you
a bonus point.
I tried to say bonus
point in French.
A bonus point.
All right, here we go.
So what line ends
with the movie?
What a day.
What a motherfucking day.
Die hard.
Good guess.
No.
Falling down.
Falling down.
I was going to guess that.
No and no.
What a day.
What a motherfucking day.
Friday.
I have no idea. I wish. I wish it. Friday. I have no idea.
I wish.
Can we do the second?
Do you have the second
to last line?
I'll give you some more clues
and then the game becomes
whoever can just say it
the fastest.
But I just want to give you
one more try.
What a...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I couldn't tell
what kind of body noise that was.
I can't believe they have a really weird wildebeest policy here at UCB.
The burbs?
Some kid was shaving a balloon.
You know, Ben, I just took the Universal Studios tram tour.
Yeah.
And when they're driving around in the burbs, they don't even fucking mention it.
It's all hysteria lane.
Well, you need to get Corey Haim as your tour guide.
Bullshit. Yeah, exactly.
I mean, Feldman. Haim's dead.
Feldman, yeah. Whoa!
Haim was dead to me even
during the burbs. So,
what a day.
What a motherfucking day
is the last line of a movie that starred
Ethan Hawke.
Training Day. That's right. Oh, well done. And Dead Zone
Washington. Training Day.
The original title was Motherfucking Death.
That's a horrible last line.
That's like if the end of Casablanca was
What a motherfucking Casablanca!
All movies need to end
that way. What a crazy
Amistad!
What a room! What a motherfuckingistad. What a room.
What a motherfucking room.
What an insane two-one food.
Thank you for everything, Julie Newmar.
What a fucking Herbie Goes Bananas.
All right, so Neil is our winner of that game.
Congratulations, Neil.
Thank you.
Pretty great.
So you get to go first in this next game,
and it's called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
And I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture,
and you just have to tell me what movie you think it's from.
And if you can't answer, Neil,
then we'll move to Ken and then to Ben and then to Noel for a chance to steal.
So it's one at a time, starting with Neil.
What movie has the tagline,
Every dream begins with a single step.
Every dream begins with a single step.
Selma?
That is a great, because there's a march.
And a dream.
And a dream.
And a dream.
Yeah.
Very good guess.
Not correct, though.
Kenneth, what do you think it is?
Dream Girls?
Oh.
Yeah, they got to step out on stage, right?
Yeah.
That's the one about the step team, right?
Ben, what do you think?
Theory of everything?
No.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
No.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
No.
What about...
No.
I'm sorry, let me rephrase that.
The answer is incorrect.
Here's the funny thing.
Ben did his voice and it was replaced with beeps.
I'm going to guess Miracle.
The hockey movie?
Yeah.
No.
Got it.
That was my real one.
Yeah, I step in.
I don't know.
Noelle?
I don't know.
Flash dance?
Ooh.
That's not bad.
Yeah.
No, the answer is a movie that you were in, Ben, called The Walk.
Oh, my God. Yeah. No, the answer is a movie that you were in, Ben, called The Walk. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That is so...
I did, like, 100 hours of press for that movie, too.
That is so embarrassing.
They didn't run the tagline by you, apparently.
That is...
I'm truly embarrassed.
It's a great movie. Nobody watched it. I wish truly embarrassed. It's a great movie.
Nobody watched it.
I wish people had.
It's really,
it's really a fantastic movie.
Yeah, your character
is a real troublemaker.
Real troublemaker.
Like you're real like,
hey, don't do that walk.
And everyone's like,
but it's called The Walk.
Shut up, Ben.
I still can't tell
if you saw it or not.
You could have.
Yeah, there is enough
of you being a naysayer
in the trailer that I could not have seen the movie. But I did see the movie. Did you? Did you like it? Yeah, there is enough of you being a naysayer in the trailer
that I could not have seen the movie.
But I did see the movie.
Did you?
Did you like it?
Yeah, yeah.
It's the most visually amazing movie.
I thought it was beautiful.
Yeah.
Oh.
That's like when I come off stage,
someone's like, it looked like you had fun up there.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, stick with it.
Sure.
Yeah.
I like that movie.
No, it's an amazing achievement.
I'm very embarrassed that I did not get that.
That's so bad of me.
I'm also embarrassed that I said theory of everything.
All right.
It's all in fun.
We'll start with Neil again.
What movie has a catch line, tagline?
Welcome home.
Get uncomfortable.
Fuck. Right? welcome home get uncomfortable right could be anything where people walk welcome home oh I don't remember the name of the movie which is gonna be a
problem I feel like it's a pretty big stumbling block yeah but I know everyone
that was in it named two people that were in it
Tina Fey and Jason Bateman
oh you're correct
if only you could think of the name of it
or who else
I know what's happening
I know what's
happening
I don't know how bad it came
do you have a guess
I haven't seen a movie since the year 2000.
Oh my god.
I know you're a TV guy.
It's something family.
No.
Family Stone.
No.
Sly and the Family Stone.
No.
Ben?
Can I tell you before I say this answer that before Neil said that I had no idea
what the movie was?
I had no idea.
It's a movie I'm in.
It's called This Is Where I Leave You.
Yes, that's correct.
But if you hadn't named the people on the poster,
I would not have...
They sound so familiar to me.
I know them.
I just can't put my...
I was like, ooh, maybe Vince Vaughn.
I literally thought, what's the movie Vince Vaughn was in? That would be something for him. This Is Where I Leave that. I just can't put my, I was like, ooh, maybe Vince Vaughn. I literally thought, what's the movie Vince Vaughn was in?
That would be
something for him.
This is where I leave you.
This sounds like
a good part for Vince.
Great.
You're casting Vince
in the tagline.
Based on the tag, yeah.
I played a rabbi
in that movie.
Yeah.
Yeah, you were,
Did people see that movie?
They were all sitting,
they were all sitting Shiva.
Did anybody here
see The Walk?
Yeah.
Yeah, they did.
They love movies. Do you guys know
the taglines?
No way. That's part of the fun.
Noelle.
Oh, yeah. Your turn.
What movie has a tagline?
And let me just tell you right away,
it's not The Walk.
Know when to walk away.
Oh, no. Know when to walk away. Oh, no.
Know when to walk away.
I'm not in this, am I?
You know, there's other people on the panel.
There's no reason for you to get all cocky.
Yeah.
Were you in the Kenny Rogers story?
You gotta know.
Okay, hold on.
Is it the Dodeca Pentathlon?
No. Oh, okay. That's a good Dodeca Pentathlon? No.
Oh, okay.
I was trying to see the whole movie I've been on.
I like that.
Duplass movie.
Yeah.
Neil?
The Gambler.
Mm-mm.
Kenneth?
Creed?
No.
Ooh, good guess.
Ben?
Theory of Everything.
No, no.
Sorry.
It's a movie you were in called Runner Runner.
Wow.
There's a lot of leg-based movement movies you've done.
Size 13 shoes.
Yeah.
Yeah, you always have to,
all your movies are about walking or stepping
or going home.
You really hit
the Redbox favorites
on these.
Speedwalker 2
he was in.
Oh, man.
All right.
I don't know if I've been
in any other movies.
You might,
I don't know what the next one.
Oh, let's find out.
I mean,
I kill him.
When the cops are busy,
our only hope is
dot, dot, dot. When the cops are busy, our only hope is dot, dot, dot.
When the cops are busy.
Mall cops.
Our only hope is.
Paul Blart.
Paul Blart, mall cops.
What?
Neil.
When the cops are busy.
The cops are busy.
Oh, I got one.
The cops have other things to do.
Our only hope is...
Oh, he's sitting like a bird for this one.
I just finally got it.
He's gone bird man on this one.
When I improvise, this is what I do with the back wall.
Sorry.
Straight out of Compton?
That should have been the tagline.
Is it Neighborhood Watch?
Oh, that's a good one, but no.
No, I auditioned for that.
Didn't get it. Wait, that was called...
The Watch.
Didn't they end up calling that The Watch?
Yes.
Because of George Zimmerman.
It was originally called George Zimmerman's A-Team.
Unrelated!
It was a total coincidence.
That movie was The Other Guys.
Yeah, that's correct.
You did it.
You finally got one.
That's so embarrassing.
Alright, well we got one more.
Why are you embarrassed? That was a good movie.
It was good, I just
didn't remember anything. Were you in it?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was in it.
I should have mentioned that.
Did you do a lot of days on it?
What did you play in that?
No, I did one scene.
So the smallest.
But you know what I did?
When they were auditioning people for the big roles,
they asked me to come in and improvise with them
in the auditions to see how they would be.
Oh, that's a kick in the ass.
That's neat.
No, that's like, hey, will you teach me how to dance for when i go to
the prom with my real date but they're like big old famous people and i was a long time yeah yeah
i was in it for one scene and i remember i got mark walberg was really mad at me in real life
because i found out later that he's like you're really annoying him because in the scene i was
supposed to annoy him and mckay is like go for it i was like alright. And I think in the end after the scene he was
not super sorry. The least McKay could have done was give you a part
in the big short. Oh I love
that movie so much. Right? Yeah.
So funny how horribly
people were treated by the
housing market. Insane. Whoever wins
gets the DVD. Such a
funny comedy.
I just didn't laugh much at it.
It's depressing.
All the movies you've talked about have been depressing.
Yeah, but at least Room
didn't really happen.
We don't know that. To you.
Oh my
God.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, I made room happen.
I was, oh no.
People couldn't afford one.
That poor actor.
Wouldn't you want to just murder that actor
if you saw him walking around?
To put him out of his misery?
Yeah.
No gratitude.
He had to build the room and, you know what I mean?
Like keep up.
He had to go to home depot
and get a shed and put it together measure it twice a little goddamn appreciation
um yeah she's in uh brie larson is in the new king kong movie yeah i just want her when that
big ape shows up to go listen. I was stuck in a room.
I was eating some shit.
Get off my back.
You're nothing.
All right.
Noel.
Yes.
They'll do anything to save their best bud.
Oh.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Who will do anything
to save their best bud?
What other movies have you been in?
I don't know.
Is it a dolphin movie?
I don't know.
Is it a what?
A dolphin movie?
That doesn't narrow it down.
You can't really say, but I like where you're going.
They'll do anything to save their best bud.
Feels like a dog movie.
Like there's a dog in it.
Close enough.
Like Air Bud?
Yeah, like Air Bud,
but like a different dog,
like a other dog.
Okay, no.
Like Skip.
Neil.
I want to do the Ben thing
where I get in the,
I'm going to get in the pouch,
the perch.
Do it.
Do you have it?
Do you know the answers?
Remove from the perch.
Bro, half-baked. That. Bro. Half-baked.
That's right.
Hellbent.
Co-written by Neil Brennan.
Fantastic movie.
Thank you so much.
No dogs.
It's a different kind
of pun.
Get it?
Do you get it though?
Yeah, I do.
I get it.
It's drugs.
Is there like a vaporizer
company called Air Bud?
No, but there should be.
That's what they should call the volcano
because it's a big puffy bag of air.
Pretty smart.
Neil, when did you write that movie?
What year?
1997.
That's amazing.
I love that movie.
Great job, Neil.
Thank you so much.
Well, what do you have to say about The Walk?
I heard it was visually one of the best movies.
I liked it.
Looked like they had fun.
Looked like they had fun up there.
Did you, when you were up on the top of the buildings,
you were just in front of a green screen?
We built the top of the Twin Towers in Montreal on like a stage
and then we,
so we were still up
quite a bit
and then there was
green all around us.
There was something
really cool though
that I think they're
using now that
the monitors that
Zemeckis had
went wherever
the cameras moved
the background
would be in his monitor
so he wouldn't see green.
He would see
the New York City skyline
anywhere the cameras moved
they programmed it
so it would be that way.
I thought it was
really cool and interesting.
Yeah, that's nice
they did that for him.
Shout out to Reds.
Sorry.
He's the only one
who can see the movie that way.
Everyone else sees green
when it comes out.
It's like really,
like,
I liked it.
Yeah,
it'll freak you out
if you're like,
if you have any height issues,
it's so intense.
How much of it
is the actual walk?
The third act is probably 10 minutes, you think, of the walk?
There's a lot of walking.
There's a lot of like he goes across and then back
and then he starts dancing around.
You saw the documentary, right?
Did you see the documentary?
Yeah.
So it's like about the same proportion of walking to the story?
Yeah, he did it six.
I think he did it six times in real life.
I think we probably did it four times.
Do you play, are you French in the movie?
No, I play one of the Americans that's in a documentary called Albert
that helps him hook up the wire and then kind of screws him over.
But he's totally like, yeah, you shouldn't do this, man.
He's like a real bummer.
I am.
I grew a mustache.
I think people would have liked the movie more if you weren't such a bum.
You're the Paul Reiser in Aliens role.
Yes.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, or Michael Biehn in The Abyss.
He's the guy that's just like, I gotta fuck this up.
I can't stop myself.
Mr. Biehn in anything.
Road Race. What was that movie? He's in Road myself! Mr. Bean in anything.
He's in Roadhouse?
Mr. Bean's in Roadhouse?
Rat Race.
Rat Race, thank you very much.
Mr. Bean in Roadhouse would be my favorite
in the world.
I would love Mr. Bean's
regular Saturday night thing.
Can I get into your bar?
I guess.
Seven Skittles.
Is the song The Walk by The Time featured in The Walk? Can I get into your bar? I guess. Seven Skittles. He's got a Slip Slip.
Is the song The Walk by The Time featured in The Walk?
I don't think so.
Alan Silvestri, who did all the Back to the Future music. He gets out there on the wire, and it's like,
do, do, do, do, do.
Big fun.
Walk like an Egyptian.
Yeah.
And he goes backwards.
Yep.
Yep.
And he walks a dinosaur. Yep. And he walks a dinosaur.
Yep.
He totally walks a dinosaur.
Yep.
In a Genesis song.
Every walk of life is represented.
It's a good movie.
Check it out.
Especially now that it's just on your TV and it's not as impressive.
Oh.
God, Doug.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's a movie they couldn't send out
screeners to people
to get it nominations
because it's like
it's so much more
impressive
on the big screen
IMAX and 3D
and all that stuff
it's gonna be
that's a movie
that's gonna be
like around
you know
because people are
always gonna wanna relive
it's so well done
it's so amazing
you're being so nice
all of a sudden
after being so mean
no it's just
it's like it's hard to get into
emotionally for some reason. It is visually incredible.
But it's visually incredible. Like Speed
Racer. Exactly.
It's the Speed
Racer of things
that are not Speed Racer.
That's what I've been saying for years.
Let's play one more game. We got
time, so let's do it. Let's play Last more game. We got time, so let's do it.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
And people tweet at me all the time.
They have suggestions for a name of an actor or an actress
that we will take turns naming movies that that person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
But, new wrinkle, all of you guys, not me,
because I'm so good at this,
all you guys get a lifeline.
Oh.
And that's the person whose name tag you picked.
Oh.
Oh, I wish I knew that before.
Yeah, you would have picked a better one.
Just kidding.
You would have picked somebody smarter looking.
But pre-animator looks pretty smart.
Yeah.
So you're going to each, when you need it.
Or someone recently suggested to me that strategically,
you might want to use your lifeline early
because they might suggest something that you hadn't thought of
and then you've got holstered some other names.
That's interesting.
It's an interesting strategy.
I don't know if it...
Rob, I'm coming to you late, buddy. I don't know if it Rob I'm coming to you late buddy
I don't know if it really pays out
but a lot of people always
just use it for when
they can't think of any anymore
and then the person
that they're playing with
can I poke a hole in that theory?
can't think of one
please
you go
let's say you go early
right
get one
and then you
you're holding one
and then somebody else
says yours
yeah
you're fucked
no that's the trouble
it's a risk
it's a wild, yeah.
That's what's so crazy about this game.
It's a crazy game. You just
don't know what's going to happen. That's what's so insane about
this game. And everyone loses their minds.
And
it's a
suicide pact.
Now I know why you gave us the cyanide
pill before the show. Oh no.
Dude, I gave you a choice, blue or green.
I can't tell you what you picked.
Emily Y. Blum, where are you?
She's right over there.
Okay.
She tweeted me today amongst many of you.
I think at least half of you tweeted me today.
But she got in there early enough for me to notice
and suggested that she has the perfect name
for Last Man Stanton,
and we're going to have to settle for whatever name
she's decided on, because I picked her.
Emily, where are you from?
Connecticut.
Connecticut. You flew in for this?
I live here.
You live here.
And it's your birthday?
Happy birthday.
Well done. Good job.
Your birthday is visually stunning.
I abstain.
I abstain from wishing you a birthday
because I don't think you're special.
He just Jehovah
witnessed you!
Oh, that's
a rare insult, but when done
properly.
But what's your name that you're suggesting, birthday girl?
Morgan Freeman.
Morgan Freeman.
Morgan Freeman.
The great Morgan Freeman.
Think of a deep cut, Rob.
A B-side, Rob.
Who won that last game?
Did we even decide?
I don't know.
I don't even remember it ending.
Yeah, a couple...
Did we end on half A?
A couple people got some right answers, don't even remember the ending. Yeah, a couple... Did we end on half-baked? A couple people got some right answers,
but half-baked was the ending.
So we'll start with Neil,
and we'll go to Kenneth.
Neil, name any Morgan Freeman movie.
Lean on Me.
Ooh.
Kiss the Girls.
Ooh.
Shawshank Redemption.
Hang on, I get to play.
Oh.
You can steal it
if you want
no I'm not gonna steal it
I won't do that to you
I'm gonna go
along came a spider
ooh
uh
Shawshank Redemption
Jesus Christ
I
how come I don't know any
you'll get one
oh you'll get one
you'll get one
yeah
Molly
you're going to your lifeline?
I'm doing the strategy
thing, right? It's not that I don't remember
anything. Molly, what's a
Morgan Freeman movie? Bruce Almighty.
Bruce Almighty. I like it.
Yes, yes, yes.
Neil?
Streetwise. Wow.
Whoa.
Shit.
Streetwise. Did he Whoa. Shit. Yeah.
Streetwise.
Did he get nominated for Supporting Actor for that?
I think he might have. He might have.
Is that the one where Jim Belushi plays him?
With Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Reeve, yeah.
Walking around.
Oh.
Ben.
One of my most prized possessions is I have Christopher Reeve's autograph.
Oh, that's cool.
Nice.
And by prized possession, I mean I Reeve's autograph. Oh, that's cool. And by prized possession
I mean I'm not sure where it is.
It's in the prize bag.
Yeah, I gave it away.
Ken?
Seven.
Oh.
Shit.
I'm going to even draw it
with a seven instead of a V.
Yeah.
Proper way.
Even though that never
made sense to me.
Well, it was like
Halloween H20 made
zero sense. It was the times, man.
Back in 97. There's a
scene in Seven, if I may take
a moment, where
they're sitting there after dinner,
Gwyneth and Brad and Morgan,
and a train goes by and it makes
the whole apartment shake. And then
they look at Morgan's like, what was that?
And they look at him. And they've finished their finished their meal right it's the part where they're cleaning up the dishes and
morgan's like what was that and they're like oh the trains they go by every 10 minutes whatever
they cite an amount of time that morgan freeman's been there for that amount of time maybe they ate
times five or six like It's just poorly timed.
They were competitive eaters. It was cut out of the
movie.
They were sloths.
Gluttony.
Ate very fast.
What's the word for glutton?
Yeah, they were gluttons.
I'm going to go with Morgan Freeman,
March of the Penguins.
Oh no! That was the one you wanted to do? Alright, I'm not Penguins. Oh, no.
That was the one you wanted to do?
All right, I'm not doing that.
I'm going to go with Bonfire of the Vanities.
Driving Miss Daisy.
Dude, you were supposed to say March of the Penguins
to be a complete douchebag.
Oh, you heard her story today?
I'm not fucking taking that away.
All right, which one did you say?
Driving Miss Daisy.
Okay.
All right.
There you go.
March of the Penguin.
Noel, you got it.
March of the Penguin.
Maya.
The Lego movie.
Fuck, that was mine.
The Lego movie.
Oh, she went Lego movie.
He's so funny in that.
The bucket list.
Great answer. Yeah, you went Lego movie. He's so funny in that. The Bucket List. Great answer.
Yeah, you're moving it fast, too.
I will go with...
How about...
Oh, that one where he was all like...
Oh, is it the one where he dispenses wisdom?
Is it the one where he plays the same character
he plays in every fucking movie?
Deep Impact.
Okay.
Ah.
Presidente of the United States.
What about...
Oh, fuck, which one was it?
Was it The Dark Knight Rises?
Sure.
Yeah, it works.
Yeah.
Thanks.
He's so ubiquitous, I feel like.
Was he in Carol?
I don't.
You're out?
I'm out.
All right.
It was a good try.
It was fine.
It was fine.
If I know a lot about the movie
She was kidnapped
I was kidnapped
I was kidnapped
She was held for movies
The whole time Morgan Freeman was working
They let her do everything else
They're kidnappers
I was going to do a horrible joke
What Neil?
I was going to do a horrible joke What What, Neil? I was going to do a horrible joke.
What if I know a lot about the movie?
I'm in this awful situation.
I've watched for you once before, but I'm not feeling as lenient right now.
It's an interesting tactic he has.
Do you know what I mean?
It's where they all go to Vegas.
Just say a movie.
I know this one.
Can we split it and then I get another round?
Yeah, she's back in.
What is it, Noelle?
Last Vegas.
Yeah, she's back in.
Neil, your turn.
Now you're trapped in the room, Neil.
You just switched afflictions.
Let me help you out real quick, Neil.
We've said The Dark Knight Rises.
But the question is, do you remember the other two?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Oh, you're back in
and now it's me. Yeah.
Okay, Dark Knight returns.
Yes.
You're out.
Kevin.
Batman Begins.
That's correct.
Yeah, Batman Begins.
Was he not in Dark Knight Returns?
Am I really out?
It hasn't...
There just isn't a movie called Dark Knight Returns.
It's the problem.
There's a comic book that he's not in.
I'm such a fucking old lady for saying that.
What was the third one?
Doug, do you remember the third one?
Of course I do.
We got...
We got The Dark Knight Rises
and Batman Begins.
In between those two, there was...
It's your turn.
Oh, The Dark Knight...
It's called It's Your Turn?
Thanks for giving me that.
Yeah.
The Dark Knight. Go. Rob, you got one for me? Invictus. Thanks for giving me that. Yeah.
The Dark Knight.
Go.
Rob, you got one for me?
Invictus.
Ooh, Invictus. Great one.
Invictus.
That's true.
That's correct.
Invictus.
Matt Damon.
Noel, you're back in.
Did he?
Well, I mean, I don't know why I'm back in.
Thank you, Rob.
Did he do the voiceover for Planet Earth videos?
Just generally.
Everywhere.
Planet Earth videos?
That's your answer?
He sings the Duran Duran song.
Was he in an Avengers movie?
I feel like he was.
Yeah, he played Nick Fury's stand-in.
He did stunts.
He was Captain America.
So you're out? I'm out, y'all.
Neil? I'm back in.
Oh, no, sorry.
Kenneth?
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.
Yes! Oh, shit!
I was gonna say that one.
Now I gotta think of one.
I'm gonna go with
he was in. he was all like
I've got the answer
I give up
man you're passing?
What was the sequel to Bruce? I'm out.
Bruce Almighty is my question.
Oh, I could have said that.
I know this one.
I didn't think of it, though.
The answer is...
Is he in it?
The answer is...
Not Bruce!
No.
I can get in on this.
I know this one.
Do you want me to split it with you?
Bring you back?
He wants a taste.
Neil wants a taste.
Wet my beak a little bit.
Say it again? Sweat my beak a little bit. Say it again?
It's wet my beak.
Can I give it to
Neil?
No.
No.
Okay.
He was in so many movies.
Even if you can't
think of this one.
There's other movies.
Steve Carell
came in and did it.
Right?
Sure.
And his name
in that movie was
Bert.
Noel says
Bert.
Bert Almighty.
Bert Wonderstone Almighty
Oh fuck
He's in one of those
Those movies too
Isn't he?
Oh yeah he is
Oh yeah
Do it
Say it
Say it
Oh wait
Come on
Oh the Prestige?
Oh no
What was it called?
You're out
You're out
Oh
Shit what was the Evan Almighty Are you talking about The magic movies? Oh the Ken just said Evan Oh, no! Where's it coming from? You're out, you're out, you're out. Oh.
Shit, what was the one he was on? Evan Almighty.
I think it was the magic movies.
Oh, the...
Ken just said Evan Almighty.
Evan Almighty.
Evan Almighty.
Evan Almighty.
Evan Almighty.
And he was in Now You See Me.
That's what it was called.
Now You See Me.
That's true.
What else did we miss?
Million Dollar Baby!
Oh, yeah.
Million Dollar Baby.
Outbreak.
Outbreak.
Gone, Baby, Gone. Gone, Baby, Gone. Glory, yeah. A million dollar baby. Outbreak. Outbreak. Gone, baby, gone.
Gone, baby, gone.
Glory.
Glory.
Dolphin Tale 2.
Nice.
Dolphin Tale and Dolphin Tale 2.
The Electric Company, the movie.
Yeah.
The Love Guru.
Love Guru?
He was in that?
Was he really?
He had a voiceover at the start.
Okay, world's biggest Love Guru fan.
Good luck to you
In your human interactions
Mike Myers deep cuts
Would you like to come over to my house
And watch the love guru again
You're not gonna believe
Who has a voiceover
Pay special attention To the first five minutes of the film.
Mommy, mommy, it's on again.
Who would have thought 24 hours in a row would never get old?
Congratulations, Ken Reed, you're our winner.
Oh my God!
I've never won anything.
You had a nice run there on Morgan Freeman.
That was a good name.
Thank you very much.
Great name.
I went to high school with her, I believe.
Good name.
Great name.
Breanimator, come get your prizes.
It's a lot to carry if you want to bring somebody with you to help.
Yeah.
Do you have a truck?
There's tennis shoes and a bag
and a poster.
So, uh...
Wow, this is worse than the Golden Globes. Get down here
already.
Yay!
She's doing a queen wave.
That's really heavy, so
be careful.
Do you want this?
Do you want this? Yes.
Do you want your shoes?
Wow.
Christmas shopping done early.
Those are pretty sweet shoes. Those are good shoes.
What's the story of those shoes?
Where'd they come from?
I just had them in my house.
Just house shoes.
Never worn them?
Yeah.
Never wore them?
That's the kind of rich you become in this town.
You just give away house shoes.
Jeez.
I saw three guys
with no shoes
on the way here
and you're just
giving them away.
Oh, I let them look at it
but I said,
gotta go to those movies.
It's all those
walking movies.
Yeah.
Christopher Walken
would be a great person also.
Why?
Ken,
what do you got to plug?
I'm taping my second
stand-up album
on Monday,
February 8th
here in LA
at Nerd Melt
and I have TV Guidance Counselor every Wednesday new episodes. my second stand-up album on Monday, February 8th here in LA at Nerd Melt.
And I have TV Guidance Counselor
every Wednesday,
new episodes.
That's it.
Yes.
Well, thank you.
Neil, you've got
Three Mics,
Tomorrow Night at Largo.
Tomorrow at Largo.
Thursday, the 4th at Largo.
And then New York City.
February 23rd
through March 16th
I love it man
good luck with it
thank you for coming
thank you
Noel what do you got to plug?
this month
I think it's
February 28th
but my mod team
that I was on
for two years
is having their last show
and I'm coming back
and that's gonna be
really fun
it'll be
sorry I don't know more specifics I didn't know I was gonna have to plug something but it's here to be really fun. It'll be, sorry I don't know
more specifically
because I didn't know
I was going to have
to plug something.
But it's here at UCB?
Yeah,
I think it might be
UCB Sunset
but it's our last show
and it was just
such a wonderful team
and everybody should
come and check it out.
Right on.
Yeah.
Nice.
This comes out tomorrow?
Yeah, it should.
When this comes out,
I did a couple
Super Bowl things for You have to call it the big game. The big game, sorry. I did a couple of Super Bowl things for...
You have to call it the big game.
The big game.
Sorry, I did a couple of big game things.
And the videos are being launched tomorrow on RejectedJokes.com.
And then if you guys want to come, Thomas Middleditch and I do Two Person in Private Largo.
If there are tickets, still, February 20th is the next one.
But once a month, please up there.
That's probably an amazing show.
It's a fun one, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
He totally, he like carries you?
Yeah, yeah.
I just jump on his back.
I jump on his back.
You just jump on the old middle ditch train and just go.
I just let him go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wind him up.
Do you ever do that Shakespeare shit that he does?
No.
I've done musical improv before, but never that.
That stuff is insane.
Yeah.
He's good at that, and they do that at Largo, too.
But go to Ben's show.
Whatever one.
Go to anything.
Just buy tickets and stuff.
Support improv.
We all want you to go see stuff.
Oh that reminds me.
I have a plug.
420 Douglas Movies and Meltdown Comics
on Valentine's Day.
Sunday February 14th.
It's going to be a for lovers only show.
The Robin in. Who's your to be a for lovers only show. And the Robin in,
who's your shithead?
Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz.
All right.
Thank you once again
to all of my guests,
Ken Reed,
Neil Brennan,
Noel Wells,
and Ben Schwartz.
And as always, Ted Cruz is a shithead.
Eileen is a shithead.
Yeah, some poor lady named Eileen
is a fucking shithead.
And Stacy Dash is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
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