Doug Loves Movies - Bert Kreischer, W. Kamau Bell, Rob Cantrell, and Casey Boy Guest
Episode Date: June 22, 2013Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Doug welcomes Bert Kreischer, W. Kamau Bell, Rob Cantrell, and Casey Boy from WMMR's Preston and Steve Show.See Privacy Policy at https://art...19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and baby sticky seeds
With 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies Hey everybody!
Hey everybody!
Woo!
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you once again for the third time, fourth time,
from Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Yay!
Pennsylvania!
And what else is on here
it's
I'm so hungover it's Sunday
June 23rd
2oceans13 at 420
ish
let me see your name tags Philly
oh lord
the guests are going to freak out when you do
that later.
Look at that giant fork over there.
What's your name,
fork person? Forker?
Yeah.
I hope that's your last name.
There's a Crazy Bill Cosby album that I think I signed
last night, did I sign that?
and Free Jeff, what does that mean?
Jeff Garland's in jail still?
I heard he had like a road rage
Jack Nicholson kind of incident
well this is
an amazing array of name tags, and
you can put them down for a while.
But thank you for bringing
so many.
I gotta remember to get a vine of that.
Or maybe an Instagram
that can get more in there that way.
15 seconds on Instagram.
Since last I spoke
and you listened, I haven't seen any movies,
but I did get to go to Hershey Park
on Friday.
Because my pals, Preston
and Steve, did their
WMMR radio show from there.
And you can check out the podcast version
of it on iTunes if you want to
hear me meet an owl
and hold a
tarantula and play a fun
guessing game with candy.
Did you know Hershey made Twizzlers?
You do now.
You did already.
From the corrections department,
I confused Norman D. Golden II
from Cop and a Half with Lawrence Gilear Jr.
from The Wire.
Ilyard Jr. from The Wire.
Apologies to both gentlemen, especially Lawrence.
Norman wants to come on the show, so that might happen.
See if he can get Burt Reynolds to come on with him. Before digging into the prize bag,
I'd like to gripe about something. I get Twitter messages all the time from people asking,
will the Leonard Mullen game be played at your stand-up show, or should I bring a name tag, or
is this stand-up or Doug Loves Movies? And if you go to DougLovesMovies.com, next to each date,
it says stand-up or Doug or Douglas Movies or Benson Interruption
or Movie Interruption. It almost always clearly lists exactly what kind of show it is.
And if it's stand-up and I'm the headliner, which I usually am, if I'm doing a shorter set, no,
but if I'm the headliner, we will play the Leonard Maltin game at the end, and anyone who brings a
name tag can win some prizes. Now that I've said that,
from now on, when somebody writes to me on Twitter,
should I bring a name tag to your stand-up show?
I'm going to write back, no.
Because that'll be funny.
When I run
into them after the show out at the merch table,
they'll be like, you said not to
bring a name tag. Everybody had name tags.
And I'll laugh in their face.
The prize bag is
crazy. Someone's going to win
a lot of cool stuff.
One thing that I'm excited about that
I brought is, I
forget which city I was given this in, but this
is a really cool, there's
an artist who makes a lot of posters that are movie themed, and she included her card
here. It's, I want to say like the email, where to get this stuff, but I'm screwing
it up. It's Chelsea Patterson.
I guess if you just Google Chelsea Patterson,
it's called Cute Streak Designs.
And this particular one, I almost kept it,
but I always like to pay forward this stuff.
It's a poster, this big Lebowski poster,
that's got, first of all, it's all on a rug,
so that ties the whole thing together.
And then there's a bowling ball bag and a can of Folgers.
It's got ashes in it.
Spoiler.
And what's her name?
Tara Reade's sunglasses and a, what do you call these things?
A ferret.
What? What?
There's a Mormon in the movie.
I thought you were saying it's a Mormon.
That's crazy.
Oh, some shrimps just arrived for me.
I was told backstage you shouldn't call,
that they're just shrimp,
no matter how many there are.
But these are four shrimps. Thank you. old backstage, you shouldn't call, they're just shrimp, no matter how many there are. But,
these are four shrimps. Thank you.
Thank you for the cutlery. The guests
are hungry backstage. I don't know how they're gonna,
we might have to use your tables in the front row
to eat some stuff.
But, I'll
talk about everything that's in here once they get out here,
because it's all, you got a Smug Life
and a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt
and a backpack that says World War Z on it
and has a bunch of World War Z swag inside of it
and then a bunch of stuff from my friends at WMMR.
Please, it's a stellar lineup today.
Some of you already know who a couple of the people are
because they won't shut up about it.
But it's still a lot of fun.
Please welcome from the President of Steve's Show
Casey Boy and also
Burt Kreischer, Rob Cantrell, and
W. Kamau Bell.
Thank you. Yeah, good idea, Bert.
Bring three beers.
Share them with those guys.
I got your shrimp.
Why'd you put one under the table?
No, I put...
It's empty.
Okay.
That's a weird thing.
What's happening?
Yeah, keep your empties at your feet, everybody.
Here we are.
Let's talk to Casey Boy first.
Do you like being called Casey Boy when you're not on the show?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm fine with that.
All right.
How about CB?
CB, is that good?
CB's fine as well.
All right.
What's in this bag?
There's a ton of stuff in this bag.
Here, in fact, I'll hand it to you and just pull it out and describe.
This bag is so heavy.
This alone would be worth the It would be a great prize
It's lighter than it was when I got here
Because Bert Kreischer stole a kids DVD out of it
And that's not even a joke
Yeah he wants to give this
He wants to have something to give to his kids
So I've got a flashlight
From the TV show Green Arrow
Does anybody watch that?
It's called Douglas Movies Casey
I know
I got a couple of t-shirts in here Does anybody watch that? It's called Douglas Movies, Casey. I know.
I got a couple of T-shirts in here.
Another Green Arrow Chosky.
This is a first aid kit.
All right.
Basically, I just raided all the shit at the radio station that nobody wants.
Yeah, but there's a bunch of DVDs in there, right?
Yes. And CDs.
So we've got, what is this?
U2, 360 at the Rose Bowl.
There you go.
I think I was at one of those shows.
Xbox 360 seems to be popular with the kids, so I got Ninja Gaiden 3.
Great.
Game Change, which I thought was an overrated movie on HBO.
I love how you're selling this fucking grab bag, by the way.
Yeah.
A bunch of shit I found at the radio station.
I got AIDS in here.
Nobody wants it.
What did you bring?
I brought AIDS.
I'm going to give it to someone.
All right.
Very quickly, though.
Since he's going to keep jumping in, let me introduce him.
That's Bert Kreischer, everybody.
Yeah.
Headlining all weekend here.
He had two shows last night, and his shirt came off constantly.
It's about to come off soon.
I don't know what's more disgusting,
you with it on or off,
because you were just covered in sweat.
Doug came out.
The green door...
Fuck.
It was a very long night last night.
The green door...
Fuck!
Green room door.
Thank you. Behind the green door. Thank you, room door. Thank you.
Behind the green door.
Thank you, Kamal W.
Now,
that was open
and Doug came out
and then we did
20 minutes together.
I say together,
I just laughed hysterically
as Doug annihilated
the fucking room
and I just took half credit.
It was fun.
And then Joe Flacco stood up in the back and he was like, I fucking love you guys.
And we were like, Joe Flacco?
That's not how it happened.
There was a rumor going around that Joe Flacco was here and then he left and he was outside
standing on the sidewalk and I don't
know what he looks like.
And so I went
out there, but he's huge. He's a very
tall man. So I went out there and said, are you?
And he said, yes. And then
he told me that he likes Sal Kalani's
Cleveland Browns joke.
Which is like, Bert and I
were both crushed that he liked the other guy's
joke. He didn't say anything about us.
Sal did fucking
ten minutes.
I did an hour
forty-five shirtless
and this motherfucker
is like
Sal was pretty good.
Well guess what?
I like your fucking
second string tailback
on your team.
Bernard Pierce
graduate of
Temple University.
Oh he fucking game.
Am I the only person who knows anything
about sports up here
by any chance?
Maybe.
Looks like it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's cool.
Jump in when you
have one of those.
The crowd really
seemed to enjoy it.
They were into it
W. Kamau Bell is here everybody
from
from Totally Biased
with W. Kamau Bell
it was initially Totally Biased with Carlos Mencia
hosted by W. Kamau Bell
and you're going to move to what do they call it, FXX?
Yeah, there's a station called Fox Soccer.
And since America does not like soccer, FXX is taking it over a comedy station.
I can't wait until that first week where a bunch of Peruvians that have moved to this country
are in the restaurant
at two in the morning
to see their match
and you come on to your leg.
That's all right.
Every punch,
every punch that's going to end,
goal!
And racism.
Holy shit,
you are tapping into
a group of minorities
that don't know what they're,
they're going to go,
I agree.
You should definitely simulcast that in Spanish.
Nice.
I like that accent.
It was Peruvian Irish.
I like that.
That was...
I agree.
I agree.
That wasn't it.
And Rob Cantrell is here, everybody.
I am.
I'm here And three of you guys
Have been on the podcast before
And Casey boy
This is your first time
Brand new
But you know how it works right
You know how
No
You don't
No no
I listened to the one podcast
Where Preston and Steve
Were on there
So I have an idea
Okay
And that's pretty much it
But you're good With movie trivia and stuff?
As long as it was in the 1980s
and it was somewhat of a comedy,
I think I should be okay.
Okay, so you probably won't be that good at it.
But I know all about...
Offhand, I don't know how many 80s comedies I've...
Oh, the Alphone is back.
I've seen that before, right?
That's awesome.
What's the name on it?
It says Graham Elwood on it?
Oh, he signed it last time.
I meant what's the name tag part of it?
Lauren, okay.
For a second, I just thought that was a really ugly Teddy Ruxpin.
It's a phone.
Yeah, but Teddy Ruxpin talked
W
I mean
Rob brought a copy
of his
his CD
new rap CD
seven slamming tracks
it's got a remix
of my hit song
called Coffee and Weed
and which is pretty much
I don't even drink alcohol,
just coffee and weed all day long. I'm scared and jittery all day long. And what's the album
called? It's called Dreams Never Die, which is actually a reference to a 1982 television
movie called Dreams Don't Die about a graffiti writer. And he was up, it was this graffiti writer
that was going to do legit art,
but his girlfriend started selling Coke from this guy,
this pimp called Captain Kirk.
And the pimp was 15 years old.
Like, everybody in the movie was under 16
because they couldn't do serious time.
And I just remember this
one scene like the graffiti artists went in and he went into this interview and
the guy was like he went into this interview to do some legit art and he's
like he's like yo man the guy he showed him all these trains that he did
graffiti on and he's like this isn't fucking art this is this is this is just
crime this is just crime and then the graffiti artist just went outside and he's like, this isn't fucking art. This is just crime. This is just crime.
And then the graffiti artist just went outside
and he got on the phone and started crying
and he just started writing graffiti on the fucking phone.
He was just mad at life
and he was just fucking tagging everything he went.
Like, oh, fuck that motherfucker.
And then he wrote Graham Elwood on an elf phone.
Yeah.
That's where it is right there.
So, yeah, check that
out on YouTube.
Do we really have to?
I think we got the
whole.
Yeah, you got the
IMDB right there.
And the machine,
Bert Kreischer,
he brought a t-shirt
for the bag.
Hey, Rob.
It looks like that.
Can I tell you, I
think that sounds a
lot like the movie
Flashdance, but with
graffiti and not dancing.
That's true.
It's kind of like a stripper, but it's got artistic.
That was the 80s?
It was 82.
It's a TV movie.
So it's like one of those, which makes it even fucking cooler, actually.
In order to prove that it existed, actually.
Who wants to Google it up right now
hey
it'll blow your mind
you really think it didn't exist
after that fucking soliloquy
yeah
I don't know
me and Robin
hung out a lot
this is kind of what it's like
you know what I mean
this is
no but there was an 80s movie
I know things
there was an 80s movie
that was all about graffiti
there was like gangs
they were fighting
against each other
graffiti fighting
in the subways
and then one dude
died on the third rail.
That's Beat Street.
That's Beat Street.
That's Hollywood.
My whole existence, I love Beat Street.
This is like the B-side to Beat Street.
If you want to get fucking beat, Beat Street, like Beat Street, everything.
If you want to know about me, it's Beat Street and 16 Candles.
That's my whole childhood.
I own two videotapes
and I would just watch those
over and over again.
So give it up for Ramone,
everybody. Give it up for Ramone.
I had
a Beat Street inspired joke
when I was young in comedy. It was that
right after Beat Street, I really connected
with tagging. I was like, I'll do that shit
in my gated neighborhood. And so, right where it said Faircloth Estates, I really connected with tagging because I was like, I'll do that shit in my gated neighborhood.
And so, right where
it said Faircloth Estates, I spray
painted Bert.
First rule of tagging.
I was like, there's only one
fucking Bert in this neighborhood.
They're going to know who fucking did it.
Try to write sucks dick underneath it.
Wise move, Bert.
First rule of tagging.
I wonder who wrote Bert.
Hence the whole
come with a different name.
A different name.
I didn't have a street name.
I was fucking 10.
I had a breakdance name.
It was called Static.
Because I was too uncoordinated
to do back spins and windmills.
You were just very still?
I would just shake.
You just cling to other people?
Yeah.
I just rub my feet on the ground.
Get those sparks going.
Hit the dance floor.
Touch somebody.
A quick spark.
Oh my God.
Once again, I'm getting out blacked by Rob Cantrell.
I'm about to drop a verse.
Can I drop a comment?
Yes.
Please.
Just drinking espresso, more or less though.
Spacing out, eating cinnamon, bon son.
Eating ganja cakes, wake and bake, not a flake.
High stakes, watch out for the jakes.
Inspector, gotta have it.
Vape pen, nifty gadget.
Took a pic with Snoop and Bob Saget.
Go, go, Instagram and tag it.
Silver Haze, another face.
Headie Maze, super glazed.
Donuts, shake your butt.
One hitters in the cut.
Smoking bowls, jelly roll
Never give you up, Rick Roll
Summed down, hash brown, blue dream
Apollo 13, got the soy milk steam
With the sugar and cream
Slick flow with a cup of Joe Mo
Headband higher than a jam band stand
Oh, wow
That's our show, thanks for coming
I'm done, I'm done I'm done, I'm out Yeah, that was fly Thank you. That's our show. Thanks for coming.
I'm done.
I'm done.
That's all.
I'm done.
I'm out.
Yeah, that was fly.
You could download 99 Cents on iTunes, everybody.
That was the Doug Benson remix. No, they could just listen to it for free like they just did.
That's true.
I also want to mention Casey Boy Broad.
Did we mention this yet?
Not that one.
Yeah, Walking Dead, season two.
Season two.
Yeah, on Blu-ray. Yeah, Walking Dead, season two. Season two. Yeah.
On Blu-ray.
Yeah, so that's pretty neat.
A lot of good stuff.
And the World War Z backpack, you got that at the local premiere of the movie?
Yeah.
Yeah, so.
And what's inside there?
You said there's a hammock in there?
There's a hammock in there.
There's a sleep.
No, no shit.
There's a sleeping bag.
When World War Z breaks out, you don't know where
you're going to have to sleep.
Just tie that shit between two buildings and
catch a few. Catch a few Z's.
All sorts of survival gear in there.
I stole the headlamp.
You took the headlamp out?
Yeah, dude, It was too cool.
Okay.
There's some food arrived, you guys, right behind you there.
Yeah, it's just out of our reach.
That's a great place to put it.
Actually, I brought my own.
Oh, you brought a builder's bar?
Yeah.
I'm building.
Are those good?
There you go.
Oh, she's going to move it a little closer.
Kamau and I got stranded on the Amtrak coming down here so we didn't get it to eat.
So we fucking got some...
Wait, we're here.
Did you guys pretend
to be Chris Pine
and Denzel Washington?
Yeah.
I love movies.
Yes.
And I was Chris Pine.
That's exactly what happened.
Yes way.
Why would that be weird?
And Kamau, you brought a T-shirt to give away that says what on it?
I didn't want to say it out loud myself.
Why can't you say it?
Huh?
Why can't you say it?
He's white.
I forgot what I said.
It's something about a Negro.
So you couldn't say college educated,
but you could say Negro?
Is that how it works?
Oh, Doug Benson's weird mind strikes again.
Wait, what's your shirt say?
College educated Negro.
And who in this crowd is going to wear that?
Sir, congratulations.
We probably should just give it to him.
I had hope there would be one.
I had hope.
There's a lot of colleges in this town.
I had hope one Negro would show up tonight
who wasn't serving drinks.
Oh.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I went too far.
He's giving you AIDS, but that was, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went too far.
He's giving you AIDS, but that was... You're right.
You're right.
You made a good call there, audience.
You made a great call.
I went too far.
There you go.
You really gave it to them.
Yeah, pass received.
Take that, fucking Joe Flacco.
Solidarity.
If something goes down, it's me and you, brother.
Solidarity.
If something goes down, it's me and you, brother.
Oh, I love getting smooth lessons.
We got smooth school just now.
Oh, and he's got it on his shoulder like he's going to start sweating.
Dab it, dab it.
I love it.
Did we cover everything that we need to cover so far?
I don't know.
I'm really the only person that would know that.
Sort of thinking aloud at this point.
That was a good mozzarella stick.
Do you want me to put that table in front of us?
Where did they go?
Yeah, here.
Everything's just out of my fucking reach.
No, no, we'll move that one up.
That's like...
No, no, no.
We've got a table.
Oh, here we go.
Casey boy is on the Casey boy.
Oh, shit.
God damn it.
Some people are...
Those front row seats just got kind of shitty, but...
Fucking love you.
Yeah, put it all in front of her.
Mozzarella sticks.
Perfect.
I ate the bone.
It feels really weird.
Thank you, Kamau.
Oh, what was that?
There should have been video on this.
No, there shouldn't have.
He's a sweaty motherfucker.
I'm sweating like fucking crazy.
Oh, I hope you eat all of that stuff.
I'm going to. You guys fucking crazy. Oh, I hope you eat all of that stuff. I'm going to.
You guys help yourselves.
It's really good. Casey's good with his
builder's bar. Yeah, I'm good.
Casey, have you been to the movies lately? You saw
World War Z. Yeah, I saw World War Z. I have not
seen that yet. You told me you liked it, right? I did.
Well, listen, you know, I'm kind of a sucker for movies.
It takes me usually like the third time to decide
whether or not I like it or not.
Wow.
It's not as much a sucker as just dumb.
Yeah.
I was just watching Karate Kid Part 2 the other night,
and it just dawned on me that like all the Japanese people talk English to each other.
And then do you remember the scene where they were fighting, where they broke the ice?
Do you remember that? And they were fighting, where they broke the ice? Do you remember that?
Yeah.
And they were betting in the bar about whether or not, they were paying each other in American
money.
And they're in Okinawa.
So at that point, 30 years later, I decided I don't like Karate Kid Part 2.
Finally.
Yeah.
But I just saw Monsters University.
And did you have kids with you?
Yeah, I did.
Five.
I got three kids, though. Were they your kids?
Yeah.
I mean, I tweeted this the other day.
Aren't all universities filled with monsters?
It's called the frat system, right?
Slow down.
I offended the machine.
And then me and Rob, we just saw This Is The End, right?
Yep, saw This Is The End.
It was great.
And that ending is awesome, to This Is The End.
How did it end?
Don't, don't, don't.
I don't want to tell it.
I won't spoil it, but it does make you want to do good things in this life.
And on the train ride,
it kind of broke down. There was kind of like
a moment there that we were panicked,
and I was like, oh shit, I gotta let
some old person have my seat.
This could all go wrong. And then
after I saw this is the end, I snuck
in. I did it old school. I went into
Superman, right after
the other. It was like a Metroplex, so
I just went into the other one.
Multiplex? Yeah, multiplex.
It was the Unoplex.
I just went in. It was Superman
but it was in 3D and I didn't
have the 3D glasses.
It was just like
watching a movie with one contact in.
Oh, that movie
looks pretty good. The one on the other side of that
aquarium.
But the ten minutes I saw it was really good.
Kamau, have you been to the movies?
No, I haven't because I was working on the show and I have a two-year-old.
But I did see a band called Death, that documentary.
Oh, yeah.
Alright, let's you and me go outside and talk about it.
It was great. Break it down. That guy's excited.
Yeah, it's a good documentary.
About what? You know how the white
man constantly steals black people's stuff.
That's the
basic story of every movie I like.
It's like a speed metal band
from Detroit, right? A speed metal band from Detroit
in the 70s. Early 70s.
Early 70s who couldn't get signed to a label
because their band name was Death.
Hold on, hold on. Weren't they black though?
Isn't that the important part?
I mean, thank you,
I guess. No, I thought
that the industry had prejudice
when it came to rock and roll and speed
metal and they didn't think black guys could do it as good as white guys.
I only saw the trailer.
I'm just telling you.
I feel like that could be the name of your book.
I only saw the trailer.
I just saw the trailer.
Like a book of your thoughts about life.
I only saw the trailer.
You have no idea how accurate that is?
I got a pretty good idea. Yes, that is a only saw the trailer. You have no idea how accurate that is? I got a pretty good idea.
Yes, that is a part
of the story,
but I didn't want to
put it firmly on that.
I think that's the part
that resonates with this
room full of
Facebook white people.
Facebook white?
Is that a new color
of white people?
It's a fucking
brand new white.
Not even out yet.
Doug?
Yes, sir? Can you get me out of Doug? Yes, sir?
Can you get me out of this?
Back to me?
Still my show?
Bert, I would like some of that food,
so stop sweating on it.
Okay.
Oh, really?
Yeah, really.
Really? Is burping on food other people are going to eat gross? Yeah, really. Really?
Is burping on food other people are going to eat gross?
Yeah, Bert.
Oh, no.
Spit take.
Now he's drooling.
Apologies to everyone sitting in the splash zone.
Part social commentary, part Gallagher.
Ladies and gentlemen, Burt Kreischer.
Check out his new tour. I only saw
the trailer.
But I got a lot of thoughts about the trailer.
Here, pass this food down.
I miss the food entirely, I promise.
I'm sweating profusely.
Just pass me the pizza plate.
I've got my own table.
Oh my God.
Thank you, sir.
That looks good.
I just remembered, Pete, I mean Pete,
Bert. Bert.
Yeah!
I should just call everyone who annoys me Pete.
Laser!
That feels so good.
A bird is being fanned now by...
I'm just trying to prevent a heart attack.
That's all I'm doing.
You know what you look like right now?
You look like you're working at Paula Deen's wedding.
We hire black people to fan the white people.
But not in a racist way.
Just, it's old-fashioned.
It's fun.
It's like those olden times that should not be forgotten.
Oh, they won't be forgotten.
Right, brother?
Let's get them all right now.
You take 150,
I'll take the other 150.
It should be fine.
You are college-educated.
Yes.
I like the way it applauds.
The South is rough.
You know, it does have a...
Thank you, Rob.
It does have a history of racism and slavery,
which is awful.
But guess what?
They got biscuits.
Have you ever been to a Bojangles?
You can get a sausage biscuit at 4 p.m.
I want that right now.
A sausage biscuit will make you forget about some racism for about eight minutes.
And after you digest it, you'll remember how terrible it is.
But I guess what I'm saying is food is good.
Bert?
Yes?
Have you been to the movies?
I know you're going to watch Sage with your daughters.
I will.
I saw the one that, yep.
No, I have not been to the movies.
I have just seen the movies that we've seen together today.
And you woke up this morning with Puss in Boots on the TV.
Yep, and I heard a name.
I said this on my podcast.
Spoiler alert, if you're already listening to my,
you know what I mean.
Yeah, we recorded a podcast with Steve,
of Preston and Steve today in Bert's hotel room.
Yeah, and so I heard...
Bert cast.
I heard, yeah, that's mine.
My brain is not fucking working.
I heard a voice in the thing,
and I went, I know that voice.
And I sat up,
and I was trying to figure out who was playing Humpty Dumpty.
Who can figure it out?
Quick.
Bam, son.
I thought it was
Patton Oswalt with a cold, but it did sound like, but there's twinges of Patton's. You
can hear it. It sounds similar. And I was like, who the fuck is it? I know that guy.
And then I had to Google it. Yep. Good job. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Personally, I use IMDb for that sort of stuff.
Really?
Yeah.
I Google quicker.
IMDb.
See, Google.
Here's the other thing.
If you Google.
Nobody cares.
I have to say something right now.
Okay, do it.
Let the games begin.
Okay.
say something right now.
Okay, do it, do it.
Let the games begin.
Okay.
See, I know my audience, Bert.
You got them.
Can I get a shot of whiskey, please?
Oh, that's a terrible idea.
No, you probably should never have a shot of whiskey.
Let's take a shot together.
Come on.
Okay, all right.
Rob?
No, I'm all right.
You sure?
Nope.
Rob's not really a drinker. He's more of a... Can I get two shots of Jameson for together, Kamau. Okay, all right. Rob? No, I'm all right. You sure? Nope. Rob's not really a drinker.
He's more of a...
Can I get two shots of Jameson for me and Kamau?
I like how you really pronounced something my name.
That really was...
What's it not how to say it?
No, you did good.
You just really leaned into it.
I like it.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you drink, Casey?
No.
Oh, okay.
Interesting.
Don't trust him.
I'd like a...
Yeah, let's hang out one day and play racquetball together.
I'd love another.
You fuck sober all the time?
What?
I just realized
you don't fuck drunk, you fuck sober?
Yeah.
I haven't fucked sober in years.
Sober fucking's good
What are you talking about?
During the day?
No, we need two
We need two, come on
All aware?
Yeah
I can't reach it
You know what?
Why don't you
Why don't you pour it in your mouth
And then spit it into his mouth
Shotgun
This is no ordinary love
Oh, thank you Alright You got your shot? More black people Would have thought that was funny There is no ordinary love.
Oh, thank you.
All right.
You got your shot?
More black people would have thought that was funny.
Wait for the next one, yeah.
Yeah.
But in the meantime, put your mics down on your seats and go pick a name tag you want to play for.
We got a lot of good ones.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
Here you go.
Let's see who you guys are playing for.
Casey?
I'm playing for Casey Loves Fish.
There we go.
Do you love fish?
Yeah.
He loves fish.
I love fish.
Is there a fucking name on here somewhere?
It's just a guy's face.
Brian.
Thank you, Brian. All all right I like I'm amazed how
how regularly people misinterpret the idea of a name tag
they don't bother to put their name on it
I like tweezer too yeah tweezer is a good song by fish it's like I just got a sick riff it's just like and it does that and then
okay who you playing for Rob you've got a belt on I have Joel
Eisman and it's a World Wrestling Federation belt makes me feel like Ric
Flair you want to beat the man you gotta got to beat the man. Oh, no, that was wrong.
If you want to be the man, you got to beat the man,
which kind of now sounds homoerotic.
It always sounded homoerotic.
You know, I always have this picture on my phone just in case I want to tweet it or send it to somebody.
It's a nice little picture of Ric Flair.
There you go.
Diamonds are forever.
And so is Ric Flair.
Who are you playing for, Kamau?
I'm playing for Ryan, who has a Bill Cosby album.
Classic Bill Cosby album.
And I just wanted to have another black person near me.
Bill Cosby's made a lot of interesting choices with his look on the cover of that album.
Yeah, I think he's made all of the choices.
That's like Cosby Unchained.
Oh, you gotta go?
You gotta get on another train in case it breaks down?
You just tell me. We'll leave.
Okay.
No, but remember
when Django picks
that wacky blue suit
when he gets to pick
what he's going to wear?
Doesn't that look
kind of like it,
but orange?
I thought it was
a great joke.
He's got a great mustache, too.
That's a crazy-ass mustache.
He's got some spikes.
I miss this Bill Cosby.
All right.
And, Bert, who are you playing for?
Ashley in Wonderland.
She had bottles of Jaegers next to her, so I grabbed that one.
And then I think that was it.
Yeah, and a cookie, and a cookie.
So Ashley in Wonderland.
You don't have a shot in hell, just for the record.
Somebody tweeted at me that when they tried to bring in combos as their name tag,
and they got confiscated when they came in.
Is that true?
That's weird.
Yeah, they don't want you to bring food in here,
but I don't know if combos would qualify.
What flavor combos was it?
Buffalo?
Buffalo blue cheese?
That's a fucking gangster-ass flavor.
I love that.
They redefined my taste palette.
I'm fucking so happy with combos right now.
I'm waiting for whale and whiskey.
Redefined your taste palette?
Look, Doug,
half of the words were in my head
and the other half weren't
and I just started talking
and that's what came out.
Find out all that and more
in I Just Watched the Trailer. find out all that and more and I just watched the trailer
they should have trailers for news
they do
just like a trailer
like
and you're like
do you know what a commercial is?
They don't do commercials for the news, like on CNN.
Hey, honey.
Tonight at 11.
Oh, yeah, they do.
They do commercials.
That's all they do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was off on that one.
Wow, she looks like she feels bad for you.
That's good luck.
She put her hand in her hand like, oh, God.
He's playing for me.
They do have commercials
for the news.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like commercials
when they used to have
commercials on MTV
for MTV,
and you're like,
I'm already there.
You got me.
Let's play some games.
Yep.
Awesome.
I got a new game
that was just introduced on the show,
and we had a pretty good time with it the last time we played it,
so we're going to play it again.
It's called The Bane Game.
And basically what happens is I'm going to say a quote,
a famous movie quote, some more obscure than others,
but mostly famous ones,
and I'm going to do it in my impression of Bane from Dark Knight Rises.
And then the first one of you guys, as soon as you think you know what movie it is,
yell out your own name, and then I will call on you,
and then we'll see if you have the correct answer.
And the first person to two is going to win this particular game.
Okay? Does that make sense? Sure.
I got it.
Bert, do you want to practice
yelling out your name?
Bert!
It's so funny. I was not
listening to any of the rules of that.
Everyone called me not listening.
I thought you were just staring at my eyelash.
You do have a really long eyelash. That's a thing? It's attached. Yeah, yeah. And then I thought you were just staring at my eyelash, and then... You do have a really long eyelash.
Yeah, I know.
Is that...
That's a thing?
It's attached.
It's lucky.
Why don't you cut it?
Because it's lucky.
You're like,
I don't do.
He's got like
an inch long eyelash up here.
No, it's like two inches long.
It's two inches.
I almost reached out earlier
and yanked it off of your face.
Yeah.
Because I thought
it was just a loose...
It's sacred.
Don't touch it.
How long has that been there?
It's been there
every fucking six months.
It's making me fucking crazy and cross-eyed.
You know there's a solution for an eyelash.
No, but it's lucky.
I make money when it shows up.
Go with it.
Find out all this and more in Bert's new book.
I only watch the trailer.
Bert, when you think you know the name of the movie that I'm saying a quote from,
yell out your name.
Green Room Door.
Got you.
Here we go.
And no help from the audience, please.
I know Bert looks like he needs it.
Listen to them.
Children of the night.
Bert!
I didn't do that.
Alright.
Go.
Go.
Go.
Go.
I didn't do that.
Go. Dude. You're slowing it down. You're slowing it down. I didn't do that. What is it? Go! Go!
Dude!
You're slowing it down! You're slowing it down!
I didn't know my name was...
What is it?
You're slowing the whole thing down!
I didn't know my name was...
What's the name of the movie?
Dude, you're killing us!
Poor Ashley.
Poor Ashley.
What's the movie called, Bert?
I don't know the name of the movie!
I don't know the name of the movie!
The panic that shot out of my asshole
when I heard my name.
You literally looked like you were about to die.
When I heard Bert, I went, no.
It was like you saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
It's over.
I had just stopped sweating.
Oh my God.
That's your second book. Was that the whole quote? No, there's more. You have to guess so. I just stopped sweating. Oh my God.
That's your second book. Was that the whole quote?
No, there's more.
You have to guess so
because you said your name.
I didn't say my name.
Nobody can corroborate that on a podcast.
Nobody listening at home
knows you didn't say your name.
Fried green tomatoes.
That's a great guess.
Let's try it again.
That's a great guess.
Let's try it again.
This is Bane if his mouth is full of pizza.
Oh, pepperoni.
Listen to them, children of the night.
What music they make.
Come on.
Anybody?
Oh, good.
You know it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't have that same tenuous relationship with reality that you do, so I know that wasn't me.
You're also better at pronouncing your own name.
That's actually the other important point.
Why did they pick Rob?
I think I might know it.
Casey Rob.
Jamocha.
The black guy.
That was from Dracula from 1931.
Oh, fuck.
Hold on.
We better fucking update these quotes
or you're not going to have me playing at all.
All right, here's one that's a little bit more recent.
Oh, I'm crying.
Keep your friends close,
but your enemies closer.
Every movie.
What's that from?
Casey.
What is it, Casey?
The Departed.
Oh, interesting guess.
Rob.
Yes, Rob?
The Untouchables.
Another interesting guess.
Oh, come on.
The Godfather?
I'm going to need a full answer.
The Godfather 2?
Yeah.
Fucking seriously?
For you.
For you.
I never saw that one.
Oh, it's so good. Especially if you like to read.
I only saw one in three.
All right, Bird, get ready.
College-educated Negro sitting here. Just let me make that clear.
Yeah, Kamau's got one point.
I'll have what she's having.
Oh, he's out!
Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird Oh, he's out! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr! Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr!
Burr! Bur Who was first? I lost an album. Burt was first.
He didn't yell his name, though.
Hold on, I forgot the quote now.
What's it from?
When Harry met Sally.
You don't have to answer, it's Bane.
And you forgot dot, dot, dot.
Dude, I forgot my fucking name.
I would have gotten that.
I actually yelled Bert.
You guys exploded.
I got to give you more obscure ones.
Okay, so Bert's on the board.
He's got a point.
Fuck yeah.
All right.
There's no crying in baseball.
Come on, come on.
Casey, Casey, Casey. League of the Rones.
That's right.
All right.
Rob, you're in last place.
Yeah, Rob needs
to get on the board.
For movie fans,
if you watch that movie
at the point when he throws
the glove at the kid's face
and you watch that
over and over,
it is the fucking greatest
bit of comedy
because they really
hit that kid in the face
with a glove.
Yeah.
Still well.
They're trying to tell you
still well.
No, I know what they're saying.
I was trying to wonder
if that dude,
doesn't he look like
a child molester?
When he was an adult?
When he's an adult?
Who, Francis from
Pee Wee's Big Adventure?
Yes.
Yeah, fucking creepy.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Alright. Next one. Let's go.
Oh, okay.
Thanks for moving along, Jeff Garland.
I love that free Jeff sign.
Okay.
I'm going
to make them an offer.
Bert, Bert, Bert.
Come on, come on, come on.
Fuck it.
Who was first on that one?
That was Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert.
All right, Bert.
All the white people think you were first.
What a surprise.
All right, Bert.
You got to be louder. What's it called, Bert? The Godfather. I'm going to need the full title think you were first. What a surprise. All right, Bert. You got to be louder.
What's it called, Bert?
The Godfather.
I'm going to need the full title.
The Godfather.
I thought I could trick him into getting it wrong.
Bert wins the Bane game.
Oh, my God.
Here's one we didn't get to, but I'm excited about it.
I'll do it on the next show,
because nobody that participates in the podcast
actually listens to it,
so they won't be spoiled by this,
but I was excited to go,
la-dee-da, la-dee-da, la-la.
That's from Annie Hall.
Okay, how are we doing on time, you guys? Oh, we're doing great on time. La, la. That's from Annie Hall. Okay.
How are we doing on time, you guys?
Oh, we're doing great on time.
An audience member just said we're doing good on time.
So that's encouraging.
All right.
So we're going to start with you in this game, Bird.
It's called ABCD's Nuts.
Thanks to Preston and Steve and WMMR and Casey Boy,
I got to go to Hershey Park for the very first time last Friday.
And so tonight we're going to spell out Hershey Park.
All right.
And we're going to start with the letter H, Bert.
And the idea is you have to name any movie,
and then we'll go to Kamau after you and come across,
any movie that begins with the letter H. And if you match the movie that I pre-selected,
you win the whole game automatically.
H.
And you don't have to yell out Bert first.
It's your turn, so go ahead and name a movie
that begins with the letter H.
Harry and the Hendersons.
That's what I was thinking.
If I were the host, you would have won the whole thing
because that's what I was thinking.
But I'm not the host.
I went with Hook because...
Because I'm obsessed with the fact
that people love that movie.
I don't know what's wrong with people.
Okay, Kamau, you got the letter E.
Enter the Dragon.
Oh, excellent choice.
Look at that.
Excellent choice.
I went with Eve's Bayou because I'm going to be in New Orleans on Thursday at the Howlin'
Wolf.
R is your letter, Rob Cantrell.
R. Oh, I like the way you repeat it. Like, your letter, Rob Cantrell. R.
Oh, I like the way you repeat it like it's
dispelling me.
Would you like the place of origin?
Ooh, America.
If I could get a vodka and soda, that'd be great.
It's hard when
it's your turn, right?
Yeah.
There's a movie by Mario Van Peebles
called Rappin'.
Called what?
That's a way to play this game, Rob.
It's called Rappin'.
Don't go for the obscure one
he's never heard of.
You're trying to guess the one
that he's thinking of.
Oh, okay.
That's the whole title, Rabbit?
No, Rapping.
Rappin'?
Rappin'.
Rappin' apostrophe?
There is an apostrophe.
It was an 80s made for TV movie.
That's what I specialize in.
Your hip hop films from the 80s.
Okay.
I went with Rocky II.
Oh.
That would have been...
Because we're in Philly.
Because we are in Philly, yes.
That is true.
The greatest movie of all time.
Yeah, what a dick move, though, to pick Rocky II.
Yeah.
But that's the greatest of all the Rocky movies.
But that would have been a number. When he fought Ivan Drago as an American.
It's the greatest fucking Rocky movie.
I remember a motherfucker standing up in the aisle,
swinging punches.
I'll never forget that.
All right, well, since you brought up Rocky IV,
I have to do it.
I have to do my impression from Rocky IV.
Hey, yo, Paulie, I'm gonna fight the Russian.
What, are you crazy? Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Clearing the table.
This is professional joint.
You brought me a Heineken?
Okay.
Your letter,
you had a lot of thinking time there, Casey.
Your letter is S.
My favorite movie of all time.
Stand By Me.
Oh.
Glad you got a shout out to that, but
more strategically, you could have gone with
a movie that takes place
in Philadelphia called Silver Linings
Playbook. But we had
also mentioned on the show on Friday, Stand By
Me. Oh, that's right. Because you saw the
So you thought you got into my head, possibly.
Alright, we're back to you, Bert.
Oh, fuck, another H?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
H.
Three seconds.
Two seconds.
History of the World, part one.
Two seconds History of the World, part one
By the way, that came in second place
to the one I thought was American History X
but it starts with an A
That was a good one
I'm pretty sure it is History
It doesn't have the in front of it, right?
History of the World, part one
Good job, good job I went with Hard Target because i'm going to be in norleans on uh on thursday
there are no h movies that were shot in philadelphia or pennsylvania i don't think
um we go to come out with e oh e E And you can't say something like wall
I mean E comma wall
E
The Ernie Hudson story
That begins with a T
The Ernie Hudson story
That's the screenplay I'm writing.
Who was supposed to play Ernie Hudson's part in Ghostbusters?
Eddie Murphy.
Oh, interesting.
Eddie Murphy.
Eddie Murphy delirious. Eddie Murphy in a movie.
Eddie Murphy raw.
All right, you're out.
I went with Elizabethtown
because it was filmed partially in Oklahoma
where I'm going to be on Friday.
I got a callback for that film.
For Elizabethtown?
For Elizabethtown.
Which part?
The Alec Baldwin role?
No, no, like the southern brother, I guess.
Do you have an accent?
Can you do an accent?
Yeah, man.
What you guys doing?
Want to eat some Bojangles?
I'll tell you what. just got an open I'll tell you what what are you gonna tell me what I'll tell you what somebody say an e-movie oh Jesus okay
I couldn't pick one either man going either, man. E2 is right there. I was sitting here going ear, ear.
Ernest goes to jail.
Ernest goes to camp.
Oh, shit. Ernest saves Christmas.
Mm-hmm.
God.
Elephant Man's a good one.
That's a good one.
All right.
Everybody knows
how to say a movie
that begins with E.
Except for
this guy.
Yeah, but they weren't
under the pressure
of the hot lights
and racism.
That is so true. That is so true.
That is so true.
Why, Rob, why?
Why?
Why, indeed.
You can do it.
I can do it.
I feel good about this one.
I think we're going to match.
Three seconds.
You never know.
Oh, you're so close to...
That was one I made up right there.
You could have said 80s movie on TV
and we'd be like, oh, okay, alright.
It's 1982, CBS film.
Alright, you're out.
I went with Young Adult
because it takes place
in Minnesota and Minneapolis
where I will be on July 12th.
July 12th?
I'll actually be here
in Philadelphia.
Oh, nice.
At the Prince Theater.
Oh.
That's interesting.
I'll be in Phoenix.
I'll be in Delco
Thank you
Alright Casey your letter is P
Philadelphia
That's correct
Yes
Nailed it
That's a set up
That was totally the hometown guy
That's part of what I love about this game is that the guests never figure out that they
should be guessing movies that were filmed in the area.
Or your tour dates, I think is part of it.
Yeah, well, not everything is shot around here, unfortunately.
Adventureland was the next letter.
That was filmed in Pennsylvania.
What else?
What did you think I was going to do for the next R?
Rocky Balboa.
That's right.
And then for K,
filmed in Pennsylvania,
Amish country.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not Kangaroo Jack, you idiot.
Kangaroo Jack.
That movie with Han Solo right?
that's Witness
Kingpin
the Quitness
Kingpin?
no
that was Ohio
Ohio Amish
no way really?
you should get on Wikipedia
and fix that
he's IMDB
yeah
Kroll is another good one yes karate kid too or is that just something you yell that. He's IMDB. Yeah.
Krull is another good one, yes.
Or is that just something you yell?
You have the strangest form of Tourette's.
He only yells out 80s science
fiction films. Fantasy.
No, he has no tongue. Krull!
Excalibur!
He's trying to say Kingpin.
Krull!
Beastmaster!
Let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
Casey won the opportunity to go first.
Oh, great.
Wait, how?
I sat here.
He just matched me on Philadelphia.
Okay.
You idiot.
Or did you mean a bigger question like
how could he possibly...
No, I thought we were still playing that last game. It's a new movie
coming out called Howl.
Nothing?
If we were still playing,
why would I have rattled off the last three
it was you got to work on your paying attention skills and a lot of other
skills bird is a man with a certain set of skills and those are mostly just
sweating and being shirtless and having and having the world's worst laugh to be around when you're hungover.
You didn't let me finish.
It's normally a delight.
Bert Kreischer in,
oh, I totally forgot to take that.
Never mind.
All right, Bert.
Pay attention.
I am in.
We're going to start.
We're going to start with Casey and then go to Rob, then to Kamau,
then to you, Bert. So it's going to be
a little bit. Clockwise, huh?
They don't know.
And we switch the order
with each round. Right now every listener is like,
they're sitting in a circle?
Up the stairs,
I see.
Go ahead, sorry.
Okay, Casey gets to pick a category. Would you like
real
JPB on Twitter?
Because there's a lot of false J-P-Bs.
This was the real one.
Suggested Octopussy,
and that's movies that Leonard Maltin lists
eight women or more in the cast.
Or?
Or, Dis-Distofferson,
and that's Chris Christofferson movies that Leonard gives two stars or less.
Fuck.
And of course, because we were there on Friday, we rode Sky Rush together.
It was very romantic.
It was.
Hershey Park, and that's movies that have the word chocolate in the title
do not do that one he's gonna kill us
first of all
who do you mean by he
Rob
that was so racist
I looked through myself to find out who he was talking about.
For the record, that wasn't racist.
That was just gameplay.
I'm going to go Octopussy.
Good call.
Okay.
You get a pick from the year 2000 or...
Oh, no, just 2000.
We already played this.
I'm going to go with 2000. We already played this. I want to go with 2000.
We already played the one from 89.
I forgot to edit it out.
Here we go.
Okay, 2000 is the year.
Three stars from Leonard.
He calls this movie high energy.
He also says
that it has likable performances
and driving direction.
And he also says
that it was followed
by a direct-to-video sequel. And the year again is 2000. And he also says that it was followed by a direct-to-video sequel.
And the year again is 2000.
And Leonard lists 12 names.
Yeah, no, wait, 11 names.
And they're all women?
Then what do I do?
11 names.
At least eight of them are women out of these 11 names.
High energy, followed by a sequel, 2000.
Is this how we're going to play this game?
Sorry.
It's not even on you.
It might not even get to you, Bert.
Oh, it will.
All right, so High Energy, likable performances,
followed by a direct-to-DVD sequel.
So this isn't my guess.
But I was going to say Charlie my guess. Direct to video.
But I was gonna say
Charlie's Angels.
Oh, I can't say that?
Oh.
How many names
out of 11
do you think
it will take you
to discern the name
of this movie?
Oh, sorry.
You have no idea.
I asked you.
I said, what do I do?
Right.
And Rob didn't tell me.
Because you're competing
against him.
Yeah.
But you listened to an entire episode Of the show to prepare for today
Oh yeah
Did Preston win? I think Preston won
He did
11 names
So that's the smart bit to just say I can name it in 11 names
But if I say one you're going to give me like the worst name
The first name
Let's not judge the quality of the person.
It's just the lowest billed person in this particular endeavor.
All right, so if I say one, you'll give me the lowest billed?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, we start from the bottom.
All right.
All right, I'll say 11.
Okay.
Nice job, audience.
Thank you.
Man. Thank you. Man.
Thank you.
They always have opinions about what people should bid, even though they're not you.
Rob, what do you think?
I say name that movie.
No, Rob.
Rob.
Rob.
Rob.
No, Rob.
Rob.
I have no idea what the fuck it is.
Say 10.
Say 10.
I have no idea what the fuck it is. Say 10.
Say 10.
You could just pretend you might know what it is and say 10,
and then Kamau would, you know, buy it.
But he already said name that movie.
Oh, I know he did.
I know he did.
I'm just explaining for the future.
Is that a, yeah, for Poker Face.
Yeah.
Because, yeah.
In the history of the show, there's a couple of times
someone has had all the names and then failed to name it.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't know what it is.
He might not know what the fuck it is.
It's unlikely that he will not know what this is.
But let's try it.
And please don't yell at you guys.
You might.
He gets all 11 names.
Wait, wait, wait.
I think it's 50-50.
Can we make this game interesting since he's just going to name all the names?
Can me and Kamau try to guess people that are in it without knowing this movie?
Well, that wouldn't be interesting, first
of all.
I was going to say Jessica Tandy.
Definitely.
And secondly, let's play the
game like the way it works.
Alright, go ahead. Yeah, let's try it that way.
Good call, Doug.
We can do it your way.
It's my way or the Hershey Highway.
Eleven names.
Here we go.
Holmes Randolph. See, that would have been
your one name if you said you can name in one.
You'd be in dire straits.
But you're going to get this because the rest of the names are
Ian Roberts, Richard Hillman, Lindsay Sloan,
Renie Bell,
Nicole Bidenback, Clara Kan, Rini Bell, Nicole Bidenback,
Clara Kramer, Gabrielle Union,
Jesse Bradford,
Eliza Dushku, and Kristen Dunst.
And it's called...
Bring It On.
That's correct.
God damn it.
Hand me with the action-packed bullshit.
That is not action-packed.
That's totally action-packed.
Whose phone keeps ringing?
Alf?
It's one of those old-fashioned...
Somebody answer Alf.
Ah!
That's my only impression that I do.
Hey, did you notice the gentleman next to her
no longer has his cat name tag?
For you young people, Alf likes to eat cats.
And he's from the planet Melmac, that's right.
What was his girlfriend's name?
Mrs. Alf.
Rhonda.
That's how you get a girl to go out with you
Just call her Mrs. and whatever your name is
Okay so we're going to start with Kamau this time
And then we will
Go clockwise again
No then we're going to go to Rob
We switch the order every time
With any luck at all
Bert's never going to get to play
Please Jesus it's never going to get to play.
Please, Jesus.
Let's give you some category options here.
Would you like In Theaters Now?
That's movies that are in theaters now.
And from our discussion earlier,
it sounds like you might not be too up on those.
Or... It's awesome trailers.
Oh, that's true.
That's a good point. That's a very good point.
Would you like The Past and the Curious?
That's movies that feature sexually ambiguous
historical figures.
That feature what?
The Past and the Curious.
Sexually ambiguous historical figures.
That's fucking weird.
Or
Chicks with Dicks.
And that's
Richard Gere rom-coms.
Doug, do you write these?
Do you write these?
This is fucking hilarious.
Oh, thanks.
No, they're suggested by Twitter followers for the most part.
Congratulations, followers.
By the way, your Twitter followers are the best.
When the ones that send in the pictures of the sides of the boobs.
I'm going to go with In Theaters Now.
Okay.
I've seen some trailers.
This movie that's In Theaters Now is, of course, in theaters now.
And the front row really is a splash zone.
Yeah, put that album somewhere where it'll be safe.
The characters in this movie are sketchily drawn
and he
says that
he finds
the ending stupendously bogus.
And
he might have had this review written
by a surfer.
And he also calls the movie
Annoying.
And he lists
nine names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
I'm going to say...
Totally biased with W. Kamau Bell.
Thank you. I'm going to say eight names.
Smart opening bit.
We'll go to Rob.
Oh, Jesus.
Can I get the clues again?
Sure it's annoying And a couple other things
Stupendously bogus ending
And the characters are sketchily drawn
I would say seven.
Okay.
And Casey, you can bid lower, or you can ask him to name it.
No, I'm going to go one.
One name?
Whoa.
Okay, Bert is finally in play.
Do you have any idea what it is, Bert?
Nope.
Okay, so especially now that you admitted to that,
you probably have no choice but to hope that Casey doesn't know it.
I want to show I know how this works.
Name that movie.
All right.
Your one name is Morgan Freeman.
Oh, are you fucking kidding me?
Wow.
I was going to go with a completely different one, but I guess it's Oblivion?
No. What do you think it is, Kamau? Now you see me. Wow. I was going to go with a completely different one, but I guess it's Oblivion? No!
What do you think it is, Kamau? Now You See Me.
That's correct. Oh, son of a bitch.
Now You See Me. Do I win the point?
Yeah, you do. Oh, yeah!
I dropped your album, but I'm coming
back. Damn. Even my second
guess was wrong. I know everything
about blacks.
Bert got the point, actually.
Do you want to hear the movie I was going to pick?
Yeah. I don't know if I do.
The Croods.
The Croods. The Croods? The Croods.
I thought it was an animated movie because you said
sketchily drawn. And that's not even in theaters anymore.
I was like, it's an animated movie. I don't fucking...
God damn.
I thought it was going to be After Earth.
And then you said Morgan Freeman
fuck
yeah
okay
next one
but Burt got the point
not you
Kamau
why did I get it
you get the point
oh oh
cause he didn't name it
oh okay yep
let's do it
cause Burt asked Casey
to name it
and then Casey
couldn't name it
yep
oh that makes sense.
That sounds right.
Long as Bert is happy.
I wish I could tell you the joke
inside my head right now.
Oh, now you have to.
I can't, I can't.
You have to.
No, fuck you.
I've learned the hard way.
That's not the, yeah, that works.
Just because I think it's funny
doesn't mean everyone finds it funny, okay?
You mean your act?
You'll find it funny.
You'll find it funny.
What act?
It's true.
It's true.
All right, go.
Next round.
Let's go.
Wait, but somebody else has a point besides...
Casey has one and Bert has one.
I have two. I got a point from the first round.
I got a point.
The points are just for letting them all in here.
I don't care.
I have a point. Casey has a point. That's it.
Yeah.
That's where we're at.
In this game.
Yeah.
That's where we're at.
In this game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And since Bert is the one that challenged him,
that means we're going to start with Kamau and go to Bert.
Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah.
Kamau gets to decide between four weddings and a funeral.
Four weddings and a funeral.
And that is Frank Sinatra films because he had four wives and now he's dead.
The other one.
Nobody ever picks that one, strangely enough.
Please say the next one isn't
Great Exploitations. Please say the next one isn't great exploitations.
I feel fine in that category.
Your next option is Silent Jay.
And that's Kevin Smith is in a movie, but Jay Mews is not there. He's not in the
movie with him. And
your third choice is Sweet Home
Chicago
and that's movies that have
car chases through
Chicago, the city of Chicago.
Jesus Christ. Yeah. That one's been
lingering since I was in Chicago.
I should have come up with a Philadelphia category,
like movies where people run up steps or have AIDS.
I'll take that one.
I'll take that one.
What was the second one?
The second category was...
Kevin Smith without J. Muse.
It's like three movies.
I'll go with Sweet Home Chicago.
Okay.
This is a movie with a car chase in Chicago.
It's from 1971.
Oh, shit.
Leonard gives it four stars.
I know it.
He calls this movie fine.
Leonard gives it four stars.
I know it.
He calls this movie fine.
He also says that it was followed by a sequel.
And in 1986, a TV movie.
Yeah.
I know it.
Oh, hold on.
And Leonard lists five names.
I'll go with five names.
Smart, Bert.
Can you say that description again?
Shockingly, I wasn't listening.
What were you thinking about?
I was looking for my phone. I thought it was in my pocket.
Then I realized that's my wallet. And I was like, oh, I need to get a smaller wallet.
I have no idea where my phone is.
Real quickly, what movie is this from?
I think we need a smaller wallet.
Alright.
The clues are that
this movie is fine
and it was
followed by a sequel and in 1986
a TV movie.
It features a car chase in
Chicago and he lists five names
and it's from 1971.
I can do it in four.
Is this me then? Yeah.
I can... You name that movie.
I'll name that movie. Alright, you have to
name it, Burt. Only because I know
you know it. And if Burt, if you fail to name it,
Casey's our winner and if
you successfully name it, then our
winner is you. Okay.
Oh, shut the fuck up.
I'm gonna stand up for this one. Go Burt, shut the fuck up. I'm going to stand up
for this one.
Go Bert, go Bert, go Bert.
Yeah, take your shirt off.
Guys, guys, guys,
take it off.
Guys,
that same energy
is why the elephant man
killed himself, all right?
Come on, fuck it.
Let's do it.
Four names.
Please let two of them be John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd.
Well, I'm sure one of those gentlemen would be top build.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, there are only five names in the movie, right?
They list five names.
Okay, I got it.
The movie you're speaking of has a lot
of actors in it. I wouldn't be
surprised if Leonard List listed about 20
names for that movie. 1971, I was
zero years old.
I just gotta do a quick vine of this
ugliness.
1971, me and Jim
were passing each other in heaven. I was
going down, he was coming up.
I don't know what that means.
It's the beginning of your one-man show.
I like that, yeah.
What's the name of my one-man show?
I've seen the trailers.
All right, let's do it.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Let's do it, Douglas.
Hang on, I'm sorry.
I got distracted by my vining.
And also, I was starting to think
my wallet might be a little too big.
My dad's been calling like crazy.
I can guarantee it.
Go ahead.
The word wallet's in one of my favorite, most weirdly delivered lines in the history of movies.
Remember in Wall Street when Martin Sheen is in an elevator with Charlie Sheen?
And he says, well, you and I are different because I don't judge a man by the size of his wallet!
He just suddenly screams wallet it's fucking freaky I should be that should be your ringtone do it again do one just scared the shit
out of me Kamau's getting a really nice yes are you finding? I think here's your fire. He's still.
Wow, it's like a scene from Nine Months.
What is Demi Moore?
No, she wasn't in that.
Kim Basiker.
Oh, seriously?
No, I don't know.
Oh, I'm thinking of the ninth sign.
Julianne Moore.
The ninth sign? It was in nine months.
The ninth seal.
Seventh seal.
Green room door.
Green room door.
Fuck.
Let's...
Four names, Douglas.
Here we go.
Your four names are
Marcel Bozufti.
Oh, I fucking loved her work. Bozufti. Oh, I fucking loved her work.
Bozufti.
Tony Lobianco.
Huh?
Roy Scheider.
Oh, it's a job.
And Fernando Ray are your four names out of five.
Roy Schneider.
Scheider.
Scheider.
Rob's dad.
Nobody.
Don't try to.
Fernando Ray.
Don't try to.
Yeah.
Fernando Ray. Yeah. We've got a white guy and a Mexican dude in a movie. don't try to Fernando Rey yeah Fernando Rey
yeah
we've got a white guy
and a Mexican dude
in a movie
we've got
a French person
we've got
French people
was Gene Hackman
in this movie
you can't ask questions
just
is it the French connection
that's correct
everyone get your cell phones take a picture You can't ask questions. Is it the French connection? That's correct.
Everyone, get your cell phones.
Take a picture of this right here.
Fuck yeah.
I knew that shit.
That was my first fucking time ever winning this game.
I feel so fucking good. Oh, that feels so good.
Here, let me see your name tag, Casey.
Does it have a shithead on the back?
Brian.
Oh, it doesn't?
He's bringing one up.
What?
Brian?
Here you go.
No, you don't want to give it away.
Take that.
Yeah, just hand that to me.
Someone did not listen to the show.
Yeah, and then does the belt have a name on it, Rob, on the back, a shithead?
Oh, this is for the belt.
Wow, you guys really came prepared.
I like how you didn't write it on the back, and the record's got it on it,
so just pass that down.
Here we go.
This is great.
Wow, people in the front row are discussing Bert's smell now.
They don't want to.
It's just become a part of the show.
What would happen if there was a three-way tie?
I don't know.
Does this make any sense?
Okay.
Do I say all of it?
There's a lot of... You put a lot of stuff in parentheses.
You crossed out a word.
It's an interesting choice.
Do you guys have any plugs? What do you got to plug, Bert?
Can we go to BertKreischer.com?
No, I don't own that.
I never thought of picking that one up.
BertBertBbird.com.
I'm in Toronto, Buffalo, Nashville,
Atlanta, Phoenix, and then home.
Oh, and listen to my podcast.
Kumail said he would like to do it.
Also, I would like to do it.
Did I really say it wrong that time?
I mean, you're just doing some stuff.
You're making some choices.
Kamau and Robert hopefully will do it when they come.
I think Kumail is a combination of me and Kumail.
I think that's...
Kamau.
Kamau, mao, mao, mao, mao, mao, waka, waka, waka, waka.
It's like Kamau.
You would have been the baddest rapper if you could just fly...
Ah, I'm running with Shamau.
Wow, mao, mao, Kamau. just fly. Ah, I'm running with Shamao. Wow, my mouth. Come on.
All right.
Hey, Bert, the show is still, we're still a show right now.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Come on, Rob.
Both said when they're in LA, they're going to do my podcast.
Cut.
Listen to my podcast.
And then one of you will be hearing by the time you listen.
That is with Doug and Steve, President Steve.
Thank you for having me, Doug.
Thank you for letting me win.
I love that. Is Gene Hackman in it?
Is Gene Hackman?
I would have given it away if I said yes.
But I liked how you
figured it out because there's a French person in it.
Marcel Marcel.
Kamau is on tour with the writers of Totally Biased.
Where can they go to see all the tour dates?
You can go to my website, wkamaubell.com,
or goodshownegro.com, whatever you're more comfortable with.
And we'll be here.
And we'll be in Boston, Philly, we'll be Philly July 12th
Chicago, Nashville
San Diego, San Francisco, LA
Orlando
Tampa, Orlando, Atlanta
New Orleans. Wow, I'm going to most of those
cities in the next couple of months
Rob?
Buy my album, Dreams Never Die
Seven Slammin' Tracks.
Great gameplay today,
by the way.
A song called
Breakdance War, which is
like the end of the world, but it's a
big breakdance battle.
You'll like that. And Coffee and Weeds on
there. So it's $6.93
on robcantrell.com,
iTunes, Amazon.
And listen to Casey Boy with Preston and Steve.
Preston and Steve and 93.3 WMMR.
Listen online at wmmr.com or prestonandsteve.com.
Listen to Rob's album, Dreams Never Die.
You can buy that at iTunes.
iTunes.
Amazon. Amazon. And robcantrell.com. album dreams never die you can buy that at iTunes iTunes Amazon Amazon and Rob
Cantrell calm and I'll be appearing in Delaware County Delco for every day for
the rest of my life
Robbie doing if you're in Brooklyn I'm doing Hannibal's Room next weekend which
is okay does it have a name other than Hannibal's Room? Yeah, Knitting Factory. Oh, okay.
It's his weekly show.
It's a hot show.
Yeah, Hannibal Buress.
If you're in Brooklyn.
Great Hannibal Buress.
Yes.
Bert, who were you playing for?
I was playing for... That lady right there?
Yes, Ashley.
Let's give her all the prizes.
Oh, she won all that stuff.
Sorry.
Nice.
While everyone's being silent,
everyone, please do tune in to Kamau's show,
Totally Bias.
I love it.
I think it's great,
and it's going to have day and date.
I think that's so awesome.
I think the show's going to explode within a year,
and I feel so good to be on the ground floor.
You know what I mean?
Like, to be...
so good to be on the ground floor. You know what I mean?
Like to be...
We're mulling it over.
Yeah. I think silence was probably better. Yeah, maybe.
Watch my flow trip flip.
Shut the fuck up. I'm out.
I fucking
just...
Alright, let's go. You gonna take off?
I am done speaking, I think. Alright, we'll see you later. No, no. Are we still playing? No, let's go. You gonna take off? I am done speaking, I think.
Alright, we'll see you later. No, no, are we still
playing? Alright. No, no, no.
It's pretty much...
It's just me talking for the rest of it.
So you can go. Okay. I might listen.
I don't believe you.
As always...
Oh, and all my dates are at DouglasMovies.com. As always, and all my dates are at douglasmovies.com
As always
Shit head
Whoops
Asshole
Don't read
What?
I know I told you it doesn't make any sense
Paul F. Tompkins
Brothers
Allen
You really think that makes sense?
I play softball with Paul I play softball with Paul
You play softball with Paul F. Tompkins' brother
Dave Allen
Okay
Who's
Paul's from Philadelphia
As is his brother
That's how it works
One stayed here to play softball with you
And the other went on
To become
Internationally famous comedian.
Choices in life, you guys.
We all have to make them.
But okay, so now
it makes a little more sense.
Good job.
You could have just wrote Dave Tompkins.
But that's cool.
I should have left.
I knew you weren't going to be able to sit there
through this and not say something.
Nick McElwain is a shithead.
And my favorite of these three,
the slow-driving
Amish are shitheads.
I almost hit one yesterday.
No fucking shit.
We got a puppy, and I had to
drive up. This is the part where the end theme comes on
normally. Oh, I'm sorry.
Now it's time for us to watch a bunch of other puppies.
Guys, the world is viewing prowess makes it funny.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.