Doug Loves Movies - Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Mike Cannon and Trey Galyon guest
Episode Date: June 22, 2019Live from Skankfest in New York City, Doug welcomes Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, Mike Cannon and Trey Galyon to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher P...remium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, green and baby sticky seats
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
They're still not gone, then he won't sleep
Because Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
I knew that was going to be a shit show.
It was like half the crowd knows the chant
and the other half is just here to have a nice time
on a Friday afternoon,
the first Doug Loves Movies ever at Skank Fest!
Yeah, so for the uninitiated,
it's basically a talk show, game show,
where I'm going to bring some of your favorite
skanky people out here,
and we are going to talk a little bit about movies,
and then we're going to play movie-related games.
And did anybody bring any kind of name tag today?
Oh, okay, we got at least four, so that's perfect.
You four lucky people who brought some shit
that you're going to have to carry around for the rest of the festival.
Although you put yours on your phone, that's super smart.
Because you've got to carry that around anyway, right?
It's Friday, June 21st, 2019.
We're in the Rock Club of Brooklyn Bazaar.
Is that correct, right?
Very cool.
This is the part of the show where I really quickly do some plugs,
so just hang out as you are right now.
Doug plugs.
Monday night, Doug Loves Movies is back
at the Gramercy Theater in New York City.
Tuesday, we're back at the UCB
Franklin in Los Angeles.
And DLM returns to Pittsburgh
at the Improv on Saturday,
June 29th at 2 o'clock.
Yeah, even earlier than
this show. But holy shit, you guys.
4.20 on a Friday afternoon. Good for you.
than this show.
But holy shit, you guys,
420 on a Friday afternoon,
good for you.
It's great that you don't have a job but have enough money for this.
For all of my dates,
go to douglosmovies.com.
That's douglosmovies.com!
Yeah!
Go, Leroy!
Very good.
That was very, for everyone else in the room that wasn't chanting just now,
that must have felt very strange.
Right now, I feel like I'm a cult leader
who has a small cult within a bigger cult.
And it is an honor. I brought some stuff for the prize bag. I'll talk about the junk I brought with my, while my guests are out here talking about stuff that they brought, because that's
what we do. We all bring stuff to give away, and it's generally ranges in quality ranges in quality and and value of course uh and
also one of my guests today is running late because for some reason he had to go get a plaster
made out of his dick or a right uh now you're all thinking, which one needed to go do that?
But yeah, it's Lewis.
So I'm not sure if I was even supposed to give away
that he was doing that, but that's what they told me.
So if our president could say that's what they told me,
I can do it.
So he'll be running in whenever he gets here.
He'll probably have like plaster running down his leg.
He'll probably stick to the stage.
So I'm going to say his name like he's here because who knows, maybe he just slipped in.
Maybe he just slipped out of the plastic and into
the Brooklyn Ballroom.
Please give it up, everybody,
for Big Jay Ogerson, Trey
Gallion, Mike Cannon,
and
Louis J.
Gomez.
Oh, there he is!
You think I'm not making it for a Douglas movie?
Oh, all right.
Lewis' charge pack is gay.
Lewis' charge pack is gay.
Lewis' charge pack is gay.
That is not the kind of chant we usually do on Douglas movies.
I'm sorry. It's usually somebody's name.
You should have seen the chat we had
last year.
Well, Lewis, I'm sorry. I told everybody
you were late, but I could have not
mentioned it and you would have
just slipped right in. But
I told people the story of my life. That's
gang fest. Am I right? Right.
I told you I told them what you were doing.
Is that is it correct? The rumor what you were doing? Is that, is it correct, the rumor, what you were doing?
Uh, it's just kind of a surprise, Doug,
so you might have ruined the surprise.
See, I fucked up the surprise.
But why would someone tell me,
Louis is running late because he's having this thing done?
Why would they be so,
why couldn't they just say he's running late?
It'll be a surprise, and don't worry,
some of you will suck my fake dick, and...
If you want to get smoked honey, you gotta suck my fake dick. And if you want to get smoked honey,
you got to suck my fake dick.
That's the process?
That's how they extract it.
Wow.
All right, well, that's going to be fun.
Let's meet them individually.
Starting to the gentleman directly to my right
It's Big Jay Oakerson
Hell yeah
What's up skank first
Never lost on Doug Loves Movies
Undefeated
That's what you like to tell people
Is that wrong?
I believe you But I was high atated. That's what you like to tell people. Is that wrong? I don't, I believe you, but I was
you know, I was high at the time.
That's fair. But
I believe I'm 3-0, but
I was also high at the time. But that's the other thing
is we've been friends and you've done
my shows over a very long period of
time, but there's been more times that you couldn't make it
than that you could. So I think
with only three wins, Undefeated
is a little too braggy.
Ooh.
You know what I mean?
How about, would four wins make me in the running?
I'm liking that better.
Okay, all right.
I just don't want people to assume that,
oh, Jay's been on a million times,
and he's never lost.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just want to, you know,
because statistics are so important.
Well, it's one of the things I cling on to.
And thank you for being the, like, what do you call yourself with regards to this event?
The president?
No, a figurehead, a role model to the youth.
Perfect.
Well, thank you for being that
This seems like a place where a lot of people
Are going to experience things
That are going to change their lives
Absolutely
It's fucking going to be a weird weekend
You are all my children now
That was from Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2
Alright
But real quick though
Let me hear from my side cult.
Where's my side cult at?
See, I got a small cult.
There's infinite CBD bags,
CBD flying around everywhere here,
which is awesome.
And Louis is enjoying something on stage.
And you know I have a...
It's DMT, Doug.
Oh. Well, then you just hang have a... It's DMT, Doug. Oh.
Well, then you just hang on to that.
Fucking wacky.
What are you,
hit some of that
and go hat shopping?
I'm sorry,
I can't think of a Christopher Walken film
I'm breaking through
Jay this show is made for you
Yeah
That's why I smile the whole time
Yeah let's get high and do movie trivia
Jay's very happy
Okay so who are we also going to say hello to Yeah, let's get high and do movie trivia. Jay's very happy.
Okay, so who are we also going to say hello to?
Oh, Mike Cannon is here, everybody!
Unannounced, a bonus.
He's a bonus figure up here.
I'm replacing Dave.
I was like, we need to have five people on stage because of the sight lines in here.
I want it so that there's some people
that can't see one of us
for the entire show.
You can see four out of five, yeah.
Also, this is my nightmare middle seat
on an airplane.
Yeah, two Puerto Ricans and Jay.
I ball up.
I know my size.
Yeah, I'll just be over here.
It means more to me that you don't hate me
than I'll sit like this the entire time.
I'm the opposite.
I fight him for the elbow thing.
Oh, not me. I just assume I
wasn't supposed to have that.
Because I have
the luxury of sitting at a window.
You got the extra little
curve there to help you out.
Yeah.
How's it going, Mike?
It's great, man. This is exciting.
You had your...
You had the first installment of your beer pong competition here.
Fuck yeah. Who played that?
An even smaller cult.
Where's all my cannonballs out there?
Cannonballs!
Colossal!
The Colossal F.A.G., hell yeah.
That, of course, everybody, is Luis J. Gomez.
Luis! Luis! Luis! Luis! Louis!
Louis! Louis! Louis J is the president of Skankfest, my ass.
Big J is a happy treasurer.
Louis, if you're the president,
can you not dress like a mom
making a Walmart run in the middle of the day?
I am going to be comfortable in this.
Yeah, no shit.
Those are your watching TV pants.
These are my doing acid and Molly pants.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're right.
You never know when you're on those if you're going to do a dance split.
You don't want to fucking ruin jeans.
You're right. You never know when you're on those
if you're going to do a dance split.
You don't want to fucking ruin jeans.
Kid and play, y'all.
Ah, shit.
My pants.
My pantaloons.
Wait, where was the acid booth?
Oh, you will find it, my friend.
Right on. right on.
Happy to be here, Doug.
This is a big deal, dude.
Happy to have you here at Skankfest.
It's the first time that we've ever had Doug loves movies
or Doug at Skankfest, guys.
It was meant to be, my friend.
Very happy.
Very happy to be here.
I like taking Trey Galleon anywhere
where there's suddenly going to be people that are louder than him.
Because we were just back there in the green room, and I couldn't hear Trey for once in my entire life.
He wasn't.
There was plenty of louder people back there.
But that's Trey Gallion, everybody.
What's up, Skank Fest?
Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey! Trey!
Trey! Trey! Trey!
Trey! Trey! Trey!
Thank you, guys. Also undefeated
on Doug Loves Movies.
That is not true
at all, you guys.
If undefeated
means won once, then yes.
I did. I won once.
I've never not been the first
person out.
Well, it's not always an elimination game.
Those are the special Christmas episodes
where we kick people out.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you get to stay for the whole show today.
Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
Unless I change my mind.
Listen, I'm only guessing racist movies,
so get ready.
Is it Birth of a Nation?
Jim Carrey, Geena Davis.
Is it Birth of a Nation?
Seriously, that title did come up in my research for answers today.
The original cut?
Okay, but we've got to figure out what people are potentially going to win today.
So what do you guys bring for the prize bag?
Let's start with Jay.
Well, I left my house in sort of a rush, so I brought $20.
These people all have my other shit.
Yeah, do you mind signing it?
No, not at all.
All right.
I mostly did that so you'd take the money out.
He thinks it's a podcast. He gets to
say I brought $20 and then not bring it out.
You know what? I had a good year. I'm going to make it
$40.
$40.
Damn.
I can't beat that. No, it's cash money.
What could possibly beat $40?
Nothing. Nothing I got.
$41.
I like this.
I wish the guests would just come on and outbid each other.
Really give an actual prize to the people instead of just garbage we have sitting around at home.
I brought a Getting Doug With High t-shirt.
Hell yeah.
That's a pretty fancy item.
That's my mug. And then, oh, this was just
for an audience member. This is one of those
big cow patty fritter things.
Doug, you took that from the
green room. I took it from the green room.
You're so lucky. Whoever wins this is luckiest
because of this. Instead of eating
it myself, I thought, I'll just
take one and give it away to a lucky audience
member.
Who in the front row
wants this thing? Wawa.
Alright, here we go. Make it a good throw.
I'm putting it in your hands, buddy. Do not waste that.
But I'm throwing it overhand and hard.
Yeah!
Nice!
Yeah. Eat it.
That's how it's done. Take a bite.
Throw it over your shoulder.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Am I right?
That's it on!
Yeah!
That's beautiful.
Take a bite!
Community dinner!
Take the bite!
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah,
You're all the next people to get married, as it turns out.
It's a Quaker owned company
In a Wawa
The fucking Quakers know their apple fritters
Holy shit
I would love a bite by the way
I don't think a bear claw
Has ever given somebody herpes before
It's an apple fritter Mike
From Wawa
Respect I was calling it a cow patty It's an apple fritter, Mike. From Wawa. Respect.
I was calling it a cow patty.
All right.
I brought a Stroop waffle from the plane.
Those are actually pretty good.
They're really good.
I was just in Dallas, Texas,
so I brought a copy of Dallas Magazine.
What do you have for us, Mike?
I have...
I have some stickers from my podcast, Irish Goodbye Podcast
available on Gas Digital
even smaller cult
one from my old one
Deep Inside the Rabbit Hole
Conspiracy Flat Earth Podcast
if anybody ever listened to that horse shit
That's a bumper sticker, so that goes right in the back of your homes.
Lewis, don't offend our core.
I got one of these shirts, Irish Goodbye shirt,
and my favorite movie ever, I have Rad.
Oh, nice.
Hell yeah.
On DVD.
1986 BMX bike movie.
Bike movie.
Bill Allen as Crew Jones.
Lori Loughlin.
Send me an angel.
Yeah.
Send me an angel.
Goddamn right.
There is fucking.
Right now.
Oh, we are in trouble, guys.
Right now.
That was also the song in the montage in Teen Wolf 2.
Full title.
Send Me an Angel
by the band Real Life.
That is accurate.
Okay.
I got one more thing though.
I have a onesie that my wife wanted to get rid of because it's ugly.
Jesus, Louis.
Yeah, spank bank it, dude.
Spank bank it.
That might have been illegal.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
That was weird.
The shirts are out, buddy.
Be careful.
The shirts are out.
Wow.
Oh, we're going to give one away?
No, you got it.
Well, thanks, Mike, for all your thoughtful items.
Can you pass them down here to me, please?
Thank you so much.
Louis, what do you have?
Doug, I should go last.
I always have the best prizes,
and there's no way that Trey Galleon's, you know,
he should have to follow my
prizes. My prizes are fucking retarded. I think Trey brought
something pretty awesome. It's not my festival.
Yeah, so I'll go. I will gladly do my
prizes first. Look, if you want to, I just
feel bad you're going to have to follow my amazing fucking
prizes. Yeah, no.
I need to
feel good about myself for a minute is what I'm trying
to say. So yeah. What do you have, Trey?
Okay, so I've got a Colt Cabana t-shirt that's too small for me.
I really had no business ordering a large, so you get that.
And then I got a copy of my new album, Trey Gallion, live at Creep Records.
With eco-friendly packaging.
Yeah, yeah. I didn't want to go all
balls out with it, you know? Plus, nobody's got
a CD player, so it's just going to sit
on their mantle at best.
At best. On their mantle?
At best.
Faber-Shayeng, Trey Gallion
CD. Yeah, I got it. Look, there's a stoner
somewhere. The ashes of a dog.
There's a stoner somewhere out there that has it on his mantle.
Fuck yeah, bro.
With one of my rolling trays, which I ran out of in Texas.
They bought them all.
So I brought you a Grav Labs rolling tray.
A rolling tray.
Tray, right.
But this is just a rolling tray.
I love it.
I know, right?
I love it.
Oh, I left one at Gas Digital.
I totally forgot. There's one sitting at Gas Digital somewhere. We threw that away. know, right? I love it. Oh, I left one at Gas Digital. I totally forgot. There's
one sitting at Gas Digital somewhere. We threw
that away, but I love the idea.
Damn. Okay, and
then this last thing, I just moved
to a new apartment in Bed-Stuy
Gentrify, and
this thing was
in my old apartment when I moved in
nine years ago. It's a black woman.
in my old apartment when I moved in nine years ago. It's a black woman.
It's a big
elephant thingy.
It's a black woman's
car. Yeah.
Can neither confirm
nor deny.
It's got great gas mileage.
So yeah, you get all that.
I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
Well, that's kind of why I brought it.
Yeah.
Sorry about that, winner.
That's going to be so heavy all day.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, and I hope they're from out of town too
and have to take that through airport security.
There's no way this thing ever leaves this
building.
That would be great if it
just pops up everywhere for the rest of
the night in weird places.
It belongs to the bazaar now.
Yes.
I wish we could blow it up or something.
Yeah, yeah. I'm down with that.
What?
They're pretty lax here in Greenpoint, right?
It seems like a very sturdy item.
Yeah.
We'll leave what happens to it up to the winner today.
But you brought in a lovely Star Wars tote bag.
Oh, yeah, you get the Darth Vader tote bag,
which I'm a little bummed about parting with.
But, you know, whatever, man.
It's cool.
You can have it.
I mean, if you want to give it back,
that'd be awesome.
I don't know if you're that rad,
but whatever.
I just love...
My cousin gave it to me before he died
in a tragic X-Wing crash.
Hey, treasurer,
treasurer of the festival,
do you guys have, like, a, you know, like, a coat check, but for, like, treasurer, treasurer of the festival, do you guys have like a, you know, like a coat check,
but for like a pile of garbage that you don't really want?
Is there going to be somewhere that we have a coat check for Harrington?
Oh, Jesus H.
All right.
This is a real crossover event.
Yeah.
I'm liking it.
That's the guy, Lewis is fighting the guy later this week.
I didn't get that joke at all.
It's the guy, Lewis is going to fist fight him later this week.
But he's also literally a piece of garbage.
Well, then let's put him in the prize pack.
Oh, can you all get off?
Harrington works for you for an hour?
One hour of the festival, yes.
100%.
One hour slave, Mike Harrington?
Jay, I will let that be one of your prizes.
Yeah, I only gave you 40 bucks.
You get one hour of Harrington slavery
during the festival.
I gave 10 times more the value
of anything you guys gave.
I'm talking street value.
I think it's true, yes.
Yes, what it's worth out on the street,
the money's the most valuable for sure.
You can't barter with fucking
Trey Gallen statues.
I could get something for that elephant.
Are you sure?
At the antsy table.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
You're going to take it on fucking Antique Roadshow and hope it's fucking...
I hope that thing's worth $7 billion.
Damn it, right?
Did you even take it out at Antique Roadshow before you fucking gave it away in a prize pack?
Didn't even take it.
In a Darth Vader bag?
It comes with this bag?
No, I don't even think the car is worth it.
I hope the Darth Vader bag's worth a million and a half.
Limited edition, 77.
Opening weekend bag.
The actual Darth Vader mask on set was carried in that bag.
Now I have wasted on a $4 million statue.
Now I have wasted on a $4 million statue.
All right, Louis, you got to top all of that.
What did you bring?
Doggy, I got some dope prizes.
All right, first of all.
More better than slavery?
Better than slavery.
Wow, all right, I'll listen.
There is almost nothing better than slavery.
Except, except. Come on, don't let than slavery. Except. Except.
Come on, don't let me down.
Except.
All right.
First of all, you're going to get a limited edition.
Louis J. Gomez pedophile shirt.
So fucking great.
That Ari Shafir, my arch nemesis, printed and
sold to you,
the Jew.
But are you wearing the same
hat right now because you want to get caught?
Yeah.
That's his Megan's law.
He has to wear the hat so everybody knows who he is.
So, I'm also going to
give away a free Legion of Skanks tattoo
at the High Roller Tattoo Shop downstairs.
That's pretty good.
I'm also going to give away
an Infinite CBD prize pack
with a bunch of fucking amazing CBD products,
water bottles, fucking bags,
hundreds of dollars of prize package
fucking Infinite CBD stuff.
Also, also...
Dude, you're wearing a cowboy hat and sweatpants, man.
Dude, he is pro-wrestling
it so hard right now.
I'm so happy, but it does.
I'm not done.
No, of course not!
More prizes!
The funny thing is, this is him single.
He's trying to get pussy.
Also, two hours of Mike Harrington slavery.
Three total hours in that bag.
I'm going to give you this vape pen.
That's my vape pen.
It's not yours.
I said what I said, Jay.
It's my festival.
It's not your pen
We're gonna hit it a bunch during the show
But you get our lips on it
As well
Yeah well I want more before we're fucking chucking it
I'm not done
Plus I'm gonna give you
Two VIP passes
All access for the next Gang Fest
Happening next year
$450
street value.
Treasurer.
I can move it for more than that.
All of that.
Or $250 and a hand job.
All access?
All access.
That means you get to have sex with the comedians.
I mean, I think
sort of the easiest badge gets you in that fucking pool.
That wasn't in my rider. What happened?
What just happened?
I didn't get that email.
I don't like competing against Trey
because he's a fucking Philly dog too,
man. Sixers. I know, man.
Bums me out. No, it's cool, man.
I mean, you're probably going to win anyways.
Don't fucking try to reverse psychology me.
He's the only one I'm worried about.
What?
Yeah.
No, no.
I mean, you're going to play well, but I think I got you in the end, man.
Lewis doesn't know anything about any movies.
Right.
He can only tell you the entire through line of
Milo and Otis.
But that's tearful.
Outside of that, if he saw the movie
yesterday, he couldn't walk you through it.
Narrated by Dudley Moore.
Yeah, it's... The only movie,
he just knows the Planet Ames movie because he
is a primate who rose to power.
Lewis just knows the movies Eats movie because he is a primate who rose to power. Lewis just knows the movies in the library.
Blind date again?
Okay, it's called
The Adventures of Milo and Otis.
That's fair.
It makes Lewis very emotional.
So you don't get any points yet.
It gets Lewis very emotional.
We go for exact titles around here.
At least for now.
The rest is Skankfest.
I don't know.
I got a question before we start the games part, though.
I don't know how we're doing on time.
Probably not great.
We're fine.
Since Jay is in the next show,
he's already on stage. So let's just roll straight through. Yeah Jay is in the next show, he's already on stage,
so let's just roll straight through.
Yeah, we own the shit.
Yeah.
What was the last movie you saw, Jay,
if you could tell us, in any format?
Could be on a plane.
Oh, I watched Hulu.
They're into the dark
just really not very good
horror series
I watched a movie
I watched one of those
what happened
someone works for Hulu here
we put a lot of money
into that fucking film
it was called
When They Come Knocking
it wasn't good
but the main character guy
had Gavin Rosdale hair
that was pretty dope.
Alright,
Mike, what was the...
I think that's all
I need to know.
What last movie you saw, Mike?
Can I address one thing? There was a dull thud
in the corner.
CBD, dude.
Puts down three people a day.
Kratom plus CBD.
Bali blend,
bro.
I saw Aladdin.
Let me ask you this follow-up question. What was so boring
about the thud?
No, well, they just go, ooh!
And so I wasn't sure if somebody
was genuinely hurt. We've got a hand up.
His leg fell asleep.
Also, Doug, he wasn't raising his hand.
He was hiling Hitler.
How did he get the full story
from the middle of the row, though?
Oh, you saw it go down.
You're an eyewitness.
I can't believe Horatio Sands came to watch this show.
That's great.
Sorry you put the weight back on, man.
That sucks.
He's the first guy to hail Hitler
in a Death Row record shirt.
Hey, dude, welcome to Five Guys Fuck With You.
I guess you didn't know you were the you of the title.
Hey, you.
No more questions,
I guess.
But thank you for that info.
What was your answer, Mike?
Oh, I saw Aladdin.
Oh, yeah. You took your kid to see that? I did not. I went
alone at 3 p.m.
Find a new son.
Wait, during the day, too?
During the day. So when other kids are there.
I didn't realize that's like prime
getting out of school hour. Yeah, dude.
I made that mistake before.
Why did you go alone?
Lewis was there already smelling the seats.
That's true.
In the previous show, the mommy-daughter one.
I am indeed a pedophile.
He was dressed in his Usher costume.
Right this way, ladies.
No, it was the rapper.
I had a little tiny hat on sideways.
Well, now I don't want to know
what the last movie you saw was,
Lewis.
Last movie I saw,
Doug, was Captain Marvel
in Espanol on the flight.
That's the only thing that worked on my JetBlue flight.
In Spanish?
Yeah. Do you remember? Could you tell us
a line from the movie in Spanish?
No.
Captain Marvel
is grande tetas.
I was going to say
she uses the power of no a lot.
Muy flato culo.
Alright, I'm sorry I asked you
to do that.
Did you like it?
No, because I don't speak
Spanish, Doug.
It was a goddamn nightmare.
He's not wearing a Puerto Rican flag hat.
Whatever happened to that band, Flag Hat?
Trey?
Hey.
Last movie you saw?
Movie 43, which I had never seen before.
Oh, how'd that work out?
It's terrible, right?
Okay, I like the
homeschool part, and now every time I walk
by an ATM, I think about a sad little
child inside of it.
So that's kind of cool, I guess.
But, yeah.
The whole room agrees with you.
Yeah. Oh, and then there was one other
funny part, but I don't remember.
Man, a lot of movie
43 heads in here.
Why is it even called that, do you know?
Or is it like that's supposed to be, it's like Maroon 5
and there's just three guys. It was like I
didn't even care enough to look up
the fact that there may have been
named that for some reason.
That's how little I cared.
But you enjoyed it.
Yeah, it was fine, you know. got a couple of chuckles, went to bed.
I feel like most people up here don't enjoy movies.
I think he also left something out between a couple of chuckles and went to bed.
Well, yeah, but...
It was mom porn.
In case you were wondering.
All right, well, that's another movie roundup
here on Douglas Movies.
Never done that before.
All right.
You just change when you're sitting next to a majestic elephant.
See?
Oh, leave Jay alone.
Oh.
Oh. See? Oh, leave Jay alone.
That one's going to hurt for seven hours.
Seven hours until I feel okay about myself. I mean, a majestic elephant is the best way to describe you.
Don't rub it.
Majestic, though.
Majestic's pretty good.
If I don't call something in my career the majestic elephant, then I'm fucking...
Are there overweight elephants when you think about it?
They're all just big.
Okay, here we go.
This is the part where I say, turn it off, Bert.
Let the games begin!
Gentlemen, there are not many name tags to choose from
because this is a festival and it's the
first day and
there's only so many people in my cult
but let's see them you guys
who brought name tags
don't be shy yeah five
is perfect one person will not get
played for.
But go ahead and grab or summon the person
whose name tag you like the best.
Just go physically get it.
Get your hands on it.
Take that guy's phone.
And he's got a charger, too.
Oh, I want to save the last dance one.
All right, we're going're gonna go a brief commercial
message we'll be right back today's show is brought to you by heinz mayonnaise heinz mayonnaise
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it on a thick cheddar cheeseburger, or spread it on a BLT, and because of the unforgettable
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Back to the show.
Don't do it. to the show. I'm just texting everyone in his phone.
Hey, I'm gay.
Yeah, dude, really?
That's some day one shit, motherfucker.
Louis, add on you're the only one I'm telling
and then copy paste that.
Jay is a master of doing things with people's phones.
Please.
Have some fun.
Just look up dad or mom.
I'm sure they'll look up names.
This will be fine, right?
They know how much fun you are.
He's getting worried.
He's getting worried. He's getting worried.
Well, Jasmine sent a picture of her fucking...
The ultrasound?
The ultrasound.
So I'm going to write,
does that mean I can come inside you now? All right, I want to verify that he wrote those exact words.
Yeah, I see it.
Why would you give me your phone?
There you go.
What's wrong with you?
I'll keep you posted on what Jasmine thinks of that.
Oh, and Barlow's Ropeback LOL gets it.
Get the photos, dude.
Jaden is concerned.
What?
Hey, I'm gay.
What?
I'm just laying it out there.
Dot, dot, dot.
Don't make a big deal about it.
Comma.
Just treat me like normal.
Just wanted you to know.
Wanted someone to know.
Someone else just responded.
Someone else just responded?
Oh yeah, look at that.
Aleem gets it,
which is rare for a fucking Muslim name.
Oh, Aleem wrote back, come anytime. gets it, which is rare for a fucking Muslim name.
Oh, Alim wrote back,
come any time.
Hey, I'm gay.
Laughing my ass off. Come any time.
Is Alim gay?
Yeah!
We just
found out Alim wants to fuck you, dude.
Hell yeah.
That's big. That's big.
That's big.
Oh, and Jaden wants you to know
after that whole thing I wrote,
he goes, okay, it's fine.
Jaden believed it immediately.
That should hurt more
than anything else.
It's what?
Your 10-year-old brother.
Your 10-year-old brother?
You better hope he doesn't get to your mom, dude.
You're going to have some explaining to do.
Yeah, give him the phone back.
He's got to fix that.
I've sent his family into a tizzy.
Why would you hand it to me?
He wants you to,
you were going to play
on his behalf.
Oh my God.
Hey, can I come on
Legion of Skanks
and do 10 minutes
of movie trivia?
Yes.
Doug, I swear to God,
we will do an entire episode.
One of the episodes we do at the festival
literally can be an entire episode of movie trivia.
I swear to God, that would be great.
I would love that.
But I'm also loving this.
That's very funny, and it'll be fine, right?
He doesn't seem so sure.
This is awesome.
Now we can call him Horatio Senn's friends that will talk to him.
Dude.
He's not running out of the room to go and really talk to them.
How about this?
How fucking progressive is your 10-year-old brother, dude?
That motherfucker's supportive as shit.
That was the perfect reaction.
But has there been more?
Was it followed up with, I never want to speak to you again?
It's okay.
Just don't stare at me while I'm sleeping.
We always knew.
Ten-year-old writes back, I'm moving out of our room.
That explains
a lot about your sheets.
Alright, well I'm sorry that no one's playing for you
and that other thing happened.
But I'm sure we'll make it up to you somehow
all weekend long here at Skankfest.
There's got to be something worse that's going to happen to you.
Guy might win a statue.
All right, who are we playing for?
What did you guys end up picking?
You want to start, Jay?
Who's the name? I'm not sure who had this one here.
They worked their name into it.
They worked Legion of Skanks
into it. And then Dave,
The Last Dance. Are you Dave?
I am Dave. Dave.
Who are these two people making out
up here? That's me and Louis.
And I'm below
you dancing like, yay!
Was there ever something to make you fucking just get down under a bridge.
I would really, yeah.
I would really, I would do a dance if you guys did that.
It looks like we're all people who live under a bridge.
Yeah, it's cute.
All right, so what's the guy's name?
Dave.
Dave, all right.
You're playing for Dave.
All right.
Who do you got, Mike?
Mine says Miracle.
Is that your name? It's a last name. Mike? Mine says Miracle. Is that your name?
His last name's Miracle.
Miracle on 34th Street, and it's a picture
of Doug as Santa.
Yeah, and I don't even think a guy
that's not me as Santa should have
his face on my little girl.
And your child bride.
Honestly, only
Louis should have his picture next to this girl.
Yeah, it's really, it's not right.
But there it is.
She's my niece, curious people.
Just give me the hotel room.
Like he's done it before.
All right, so what do you got there, Lewis?
I don't know.
He took his phone back.
Oh, well, what's his name, though?
His name is Alvin.
Alvin.
Calvin.
I like Alvin better.
What was the movie parody on your phone, Calvin?
Calvinian in the Cupboard.
Okay, Calvinian in the Cupboard.
That's gay.
I think you should have gone with Calvinian and Out, that movie about the guy didn't want to come out of the cupboard. I think you should have gone with Calvin in and out.
That movie about the guy who didn't want to come out of the closet.
With Kevin Kline.
I would have went
Calvin and the Chipmunks 2 The Squeakquel.
Yeah.
There's so many ways you could go with it.
Depending on what you want to tell the world.
So Lewis is playing on behalf of you then.
So this might still work out. You're going to go home and go So Lewis is playing on behalf of you then.
So this might still work out.
You're going to go home and go,
could a gay guy own this and show them the elephant?
Everybody will be cool.
Would a gay guy have a random $40 on him?
Wait, the winner gets,
one person gets all the prizes, right? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's great.
For some reason, I thought Doug,
I thought the winner got, like,
whoever won, they got those prizes that they brought,
and then Doug kept all the other prizes.
For the next time.
Don't forget to bring me something, Lewis.
Pay your tribute to Doug Benson, Lewis.
What is your tribute,
a kendama?
I should take the pass to next year's festival
right now because, you know,
if I have a bad set tomorrow night,
I want to be able to still come back.
I want a ticket.
You can't keep me out.
Trey, who are you playing on behalf of?
Keith, and he's got the big legouse Keith,
which is, I mean, that made me chuckle.
But then you're the dude,
and then John Goodman's John Goodman.
And for a second, I thought he got lazy
and didn't Photoshop you as the dude,
but no, he did.
It's just a really good Photoshop job.
Like, that's actually your face
under there.
It's kind of creepy a little.
Did you, yeah.
Did you know you look like a...
You spent some time with that.
Did you know you look like
a young Jeff Bridges?
That elephant's already
the bane of everyone's existence.
Don't.
The elephant's trying to
break out of the bag.
Yeah, dude. It's learning. It's feeling human emotions. Yeah, don't. The elephant's trying to break out of the bag. Yeah, dude.
It's learning.
It's feeling human emotions.
Yeah, I'm not going
to touch it again.
All right, so that's who
everybody on stage
is playing for.
We're going to play
a series of games now.
If you know the answer
in the audience,
please don't yell out.
I know we're having fun
getting fucked up,
but it ruins the games if you tell us the answers
from the audience.
I'll say that in front of any group.
Don't be a dick.
That was the first time it got quiet
enough for me to hear the green room because
they're having a yelling contest back there.
But things are going so great
out here we don't even notice it.
Nope.
Yeah.
All right.
This first game we're going to play
is called Characters Welcome.
I'm going to name the,
you know how in the end credits,
it'll just say, you know,
random shit that,
you know, they give every character a name,
but it's always just super random.
Have you had one of those, Jay?
Have you been in a movie
and your name's like
Guy in Church?
Yeah, even more hurtful.
It was Big Professor.
No, I'm sorry.
Big Lab Assistant.
And there was Small Lab.
There was?
No, there was Lab Assistant
and Big Lab Assistant.
It hurt.
Well, that sort of thing. I'm going to list them
off from one specific movie.
You guys get to guess as often as you'd like
and whoever figures out
the movie first says the right name wins this
game. Okay. You're giving the characters name.
The characters, yeah. I might actually...
Okay, yeah. I don't want to jinx nothing. Let's go.
Were you about to say you might actually be good at this?
Why'd you have to say it?
Because you're not going to be good at this.
All right, this movie has a character, someone credited as doctor.
It also has soccer coach.
Okay.
Ladybugs.
Kicking and screaming.
Both great guesses. Pendulum Beckham. Not. Ladybugs. Damn it. Kicking and screaming. Both great guesses.
Pendulum like Beckham.
Not as good a guess.
Because the next one really throws it in another direction.
There's something, somebody in this movie they decided to call Chicken Boy.
Right?
Then, there's also a character called Boy in Bathroom.
She's all that.
I mean, it could be.
I could see that being the correct answer.
Karate Kid.
That is not right.
There's no dumb answers.
What'd you say?
Karate Kid.
That is correct.
Oh, what?
Chicken.
What?
What? What?
And now, Big Jay explains.
I'll show my work.
Chicken boy.
Sounds like Halloween.
Boy in bathroom on Halloween.
They went into the fucking,
went into the bathroom and put water on Johnny
while he was rolling a joint, man.
Yeah, where was Chicken Boy and all that?
Somewhere in that park.
Oh, you cheater.
Somewhere at that Halloween party.
The next names on the list were
Yahoo number one, Yahoo
number two,
Lady with Dog,
Referee.
Jerry.
Dutch.
Johnny.
Crease.
Daniel.
Miyagi.
Karate Kid from 1984.
Jay did it.
Wow.
I wouldn't have guessed it until you said Miyagi.
And even though you went Karate Kid 3?
Oh, wait a minute.
I got it.
Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
Good job, Jay.
Thank you.
You get to go first in this next game.
That was fucked up, man.
What?
How do you get?
If you could use that skill for anything.
I mean, Jesus.
Chicken boy.
Just this.
I get to feel good every time I do Doug Loves Movies.
It's the only useful.
That's why you don't do it more because you don't want to get addicted.
Yeah.
What if I start needing it
and not just wanting it?
Okay, so we're going to play
a game I call ABCD's Nuts.
And it's a spelling game.
I'll give you a letter in a
word, Jay, and then you name
any movie that begins with that letter.
If you match the one I wrote down ahead
of time, you win the game.
But if you just say any movie that begins with that letter,
you get to stay in. You don't get eliminated.
And we're going to spell
Skankfest.
And there should be a theme emerging through this game,
so try to pay attention for that.
Trey's great at spotting the themes.
Yeah, just not good at the movies.
I was being facetious.
S is the...
S, of course, is the first letter in Skankfest.
J, S. Any movie that begins with S.
Super bad.
Great, great example of an S movie.
I went with a film called Straw Dogs.
It's been made a couple of times.
That is correct, sir.
Guy in the audience, oh, yeah?
I mean, I'd show it to you,
but then you'd see everything.
K is the next letter to you, Mike.
Any movie that begins with K.
Karate Kid.
Well, it's The Karate Kid,
so that would be a T.
Get out.
You're embarrassing me right now.
I've said that so confidently,
and I don't even have a backup.
But I like to play it, you know, like Alex Trebek style.
When they don't ask us a question, the first time they don't do it, he says, uh, answer us a question.
And then they straighten up for the rest of the show.
So just keep that in mind.
He also did that when they told me he had cancer.
He was like, uh.
Yeah.
I'll tell you if I have cancer or not.
But anyway, so you're still in.
Okay.
Lewis, the next letter in Skankfest is...
A.
A.
Air Bud.
Great example.
Oh, I forgot to tell you what I went with for K.
Hold on, Ben, hold on.
I should be able to guess another one
because I was guessing a dog movie based off of Jay's...
There being a dog in the title of the first one.
Straw Dogs.
Straw Dogs.
Air Bud, another dog.
Yeah, no, that's smart.
Makes sense-ish.
Dog movies.
I thought you were doing an air and straw thing,
like two different elements.
Oh, well, they're both...
There's so many different themes.
Straw isn't an element.
All right.
For the K I went with,
I don't even know if you've ever heard of this movie,
but it's called Ken Park.
Ken Park.
Illegal in this country for a while.
Yeah.
Was there like a penetration sex scene in that movie?
There you go.
Full pussy eating.
Real.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
That's the category that I jerk off to on porn a lot.
Real sex acts in mainstream movies.
I'll tell you all some of these.
I hate all those mainstream movies
where they fake pussy eating.
Yeah, it sucks.
It's happened twice in the last decade, I think.
No, I need to know that an actress
really threw her dignity aside
for what some idiot convinced her was artistic.
Okay, so A is your letter, and you can change it from Air Bud,
because that obviously doesn't fit in with Ken Park, I don't think.
I feel like you're trying to trick me right now, Doug.
Maybe.
I feel like Air Bud might be the answer.
It's all just a big trick.
I'm going to go with Air Bud, you liar.
Oh, okay, that'd be really fun if that was the right answer.
I would give you a standing ovation,
but I went with a
clockwork orange.
Yeah, begins with A.
N is the next letter to you, Trey.
He's rocking back and forth. He doesn't know what to do
with himself. Night of the Living Dead.
That's called the Night of the Living
Dead. Damn it!
I gotta back up.
No, it's cool.
I'm sure there's a version
that's been no the in front of it.
I get confused because I keep making so many.
I think they mostly have the's in front of them.
I'll let you go. This is round one.
First time through.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
I went with natural born killers.
Dick.
Back to you, Jay.
K.
The second of the two Ks in skank fest.
The predominant letter in skank fest.
If you have a skank fest kickoff party,
you got four Ks. Good for you.
Kingpin?
You hit the number. What? Kingpin?
Oh! I like that.
I didn't think of that, though,
and I couldn't think of another one that fits the theme
I was going for, so I went with Ken Park
again. Oh, it's hilarious.
Yeah.
If you'd have taken a stab at it, I'll just say Ken Park again. Oh, it's hilarious. Yeah. If you'd have taken
a stab at it,
well, I'll just say
Ken Park again.
You would have won.
It would have looked
like a fix if I did that.
All right.
Yeah.
Mike?
I think I'm picking up
on the theme,
and it does certainly
fit the event.
Oh, F.
Full metal jacket.
Oh, nice.
I said Fahrenheit 9-11.
E for...
This is interesting timing that you got this one.
Okay.
Lewis.
I got it.
What is it?
I'm kidding.
I haven't even thought of any movie with the letter E.
E is kind of a tough one.
It is a tough one. Wow. I can't even think of any movie with the letter E. E is kind of a tough one. It is a tough one. Wow.
I can't even think of words with the letter E right now.
Eek a mouse, the movie.
Let's go with...
It's very suspenseful.
Why can't I think
of a single movie with the letter E?
Nothing? Hold on.
I don't know, but it's worth making every show for the rest
of the weekend late.
Enter the Dragon.
Oh, good answer.
I went with Eating Raul.
Huh.
That's what they did at Skankfest 2.
S, Trey.
Skankfest the movie?
No.
Superman.
No.
It's supposed to be all movies that were controversial
for one reason or another.
So I went with Song of the South.
Yeah, man.
It was controversial, you guys.
And then T for the end of Skankfest.
Jay, think of a controversial movie
that begins with the letter T.
Everyone will go crazy if you get this right.
You know what?
I'll even go one further. It's a T because it begins with the letter T. Everyone will go crazy if you get this right. You know what? I'll even go one further.
It's a T because it begins with the.
Terminator.
It was not controversial.
Did I say controversial amongst nerds?
Yeah, the
timelines don't work out.
Kyle
Reese would have had to be born
before John Conner. The future had to be born before John Connor
to send it.
There's no time.
The future had to happen before the past.
They just act like that's not the case.
Well, guess what?
We've got Neil deGrasse Tyson here.
He's going to come out
and tell you why the Terminator is perfect.
I went with the human centipede.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that means Jay gets to go first in our final game to determine our winner today.
Oh, wow.
We're sort of back on time, I think.
I mean, this could take a while, though.
So let's get
into it, because we're going to play
Last Man Stanton.
And this is the game where we
take turns naming movies.
I like to play along on this one just for fun.
We take a turn naming movies
that a particular
actor or actress is in, and if you
can't think of one, you're out.
This is that elimination
part that Lewis was referring to earlier.
No lifelines?
Oh, I'll give you a lifeline. You each get to go
to the person whose name tag you chose.
You get to go to them once.
And if they
fail you, which I do not
approve of, don't do that to them.
But if your lifeline fails you,
you get the one extra golden opportunity
to phone a celebrity.
You can
call any famous person you want,
but the room
has to agree that that person
is famous.
I like it.
I like that rule. And it's really hard to get
a famous person to pick up the phone, so it's probably
not going to happen. But it's still very
exciting when someone's like, I'm calling.
You know, and they name somebody famous.
So let's see if that happens.
Since we're at Skankfest,
I thought I'd turn it into Swankfest.
So
one of the names we'll be doing today is
that of the films of Hilary Swank.
I know.
It's tough. It's a tough one.
So we've got to also throw in one that's a little easier.
Raise your hand if you're an audience
member who may have tweeted me about
suggesting a name for this game
or if you just have a good name
of an actor or actress who's been
in a ton of movies. I know we
learned a valuable lesson about raising our hands
earlier in the show,
but it's safe to do it now.
Just don't give away your phone.
What's that?
Nobody's got
a suggestion? What's happening?
Okay, Matt Damon.
But you have
to say it like Matt Damon says his own name
in, uh...
What's the movie called?
World Police. World Police.
Yeah, World Police.
I'm Matt Damon!
All right.
Okay, so we're doing Matt Damon
and Hillary's bike,
but I can't do swanks.
I'm just going to be here
to be a spoiler for Damon.
Oh, that's so sad when one guy doesn't get a chant off the ground.
I mean, if ever there was a place to nail a chant, this is the place.
Yeah, you must feel like the Wright brothers on a windy day.
They still couldn't get it up.
They still couldn't get it up.
All right, so we'll start with you, Jay, and then me, and then Trey, Lewis, and Mike.
Good luck to everybody.
Let's see how we do.
It's Matt Damon, yeah?
Yeah, or Hilary Swank.
If you want to knock out a Swank.
If you want to.
Man, I'm going to win this.
I'm going first?
Yeah, the guy tried the Do Swank chant again and it's still not happening.
I got this.
I'll do the Born Identity.
Do it.
Fucking do it.ne Identity. Fucking do it.
Bourne Identity.
Damon. We're going Damon.
Alright. I will say
the Bourne
Supremacy.
The White Supremacy.
No, it's not. Thank God it's not
your turn.
Why are you skipping? Thank goodness it's, it's not. Thank God it's not your turn. Why are you skipping?
Thank goodness it's Trey's turn.
Goodwill hunting.
Uh-huh.
Now you, Lewis.
The Bourne ultimatum.
Oh.
Oh.
I've never been more attracted to Lewis in my whole life. The Bourne Ultimatum. Oh. Woo-hoo.
I've never been more attracted to Lewis in my whole life.
Mike?
Rounders.
Oh, that's a nice pull.
That's easy to forget.
You know, because Ed's just showboating that whole movie.
Matt's over there being reasonable.
And then fucking Malkovich with the,
no splashing the jeeps.
It was a terrible impression.
That was a terrible impression.
Jay, is it you?
Oh, is it me?
Yeah.
Dogma.
Oh.
That's how you want to play, eh?
Has anybody said The Martian?
Trey?
Jay and Silent Bob strike back.
Yes, that's what I was trying to think of
Then I had to go
Martian oh isn't that lovely
My name is Marvin
Jay Martian
And I'm a big
Louis J Gomez fan
Louis is in a fight For his life Louis J. Gomez fan.
Louis is in a fight for his life.
Yeah.
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Can I name a Hillary Swank movie?
What?
Yeah.
I can?
Yeah, yeah, you can do Swank.
I can still do Swank? I'm the only one that can't do Swank. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. I think I can name a Hillary Swank movie? What? Yeah. I can't? Yeah, yeah, you can do swank. I can slowly swank. I'm the only one
that can't do swank.
Oh, okay, okay.
Yeah.
I think I can name
a hilarious swank movie, right?
She was a boxer.
Shh.
Yeah.
Man, we are cruising
to me walking away with this.
Stop.
Million Dollar Baby.
Million Dollar Baby
is correct.
Yes.
Yes.
Suck my dick, Jay.
I'm not saying we're going to stretch Jay. Suck his million dollar baby dick.
Alright, so it's Mike's turn.
The Talented Mr. Ripley.
Oh, yes!
Very good.
Alright, no, don't say any audience guesses yet.
Jay?
Can I do a swanker now, myself?
Swank it.
Hey, could you just keep with the Matt Damon movies for a minute?
It'd be nice if you just, like, leave some swank on the table.
Why are you more familiar with the swank?
I don't know.
No, no, because I know one more movie.
Oh, okay.
Between either of them, so I prefer...
Is it The Next Karate Kid?
Yeah!
Ooh, it's Next Karate Kid.
He said it right, Louis.
Penis. I really do wish I had one less person on stage
just because of the
sidelines and also because I like to
downsize-ing
Oh, Dirty Pool
That was mine, god damn it
Well played, Well played.
Keith, I'm going to go to you right now.
Okay, he's going to his lifeline.
Keith, what have you got for him?
Was he in Mallrats?
I don't believe he was.
Holy shit.
Do you want to call somebody, Trey?
I don't know anybody that famous.
Dude, Doug, if your phone just started
ringing,
it would be so
goddamn funny.
Yo, bro,
it's Galen.
Somebody always calls
that idea out
before someone
can execute it.
But yeah,
who do you have to call?
Anybody?
I mean, nobody famous,
no. All right, well, you have to call? Anybody? I mean, nobody famous, no.
All right, well, how about your mother?
She's not going to know any Matt Damon movies.
Can I call Chuck Watkins and see if he'll answer?
Sure.
Yeah?
The famous Chuck Watkins?
Yeah, yeah.
He's not going to answer.
The fish dick king of San Francisco? Chuck Watkins? Oh, me? No, yeah. He's not going to answer. The Fish Dick King of San Francisco?
Chuck Watkins?
Oh, the Chuck Watkins?
Oh, yeah.
You got him?
Hang on.
Oh, Charles Watkins.
He's a comic from Austin that lives in LA.
He's also going to name a bunch of Matt Damon movies we've already named.
You're like, yo, Chaz, Matt Damon flicks.
What you got?
Nothing?
No.
All right.
Well, thanks for playing, Trey.
Well, even not famous people
did your phone calls.
Thanks,
Louis.
I'm gonna go cry now.
Who do you... Until I find the acid guy. It's your turn, Lewis. I'm going to go cry now. Who do you...
Until I find the acid guy.
It's your turn, Lewis.
Oh, it's my turn. Fuck yeah.
Alright, man.
What's that other swank you've been hanging on to?
I'm trying to remember the name of it, right?
She was like a boy or something in it, right?
Oh.
There you are.
Oh, you're right there.
Stop it.
Don't help him.
Do not help him.
Boys.
Tough love.
Boys.
He's trying to figure out if that's even right.
That's just always his internal monologue.
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.
I've got it.
Boys, boys.
Wait a minute.
Why is the theme of this year's Skank Fest
that I'm a pedophile?
The fuck is going on right now?
Well, you missed one meeting, dude.
I told you.
I mean, I don't know why you're chanting
boys to the audience.
Boys don't cry.
That is right. Oh! We found the theme of the audience. Boys don't cry. That is right.
We found the theme
of the festival.
Pretty good.
No crying, boys.
Pretty good.
There's no crying in movie trivia.
Alright, so good job
there, Louis.
Great job.
We'll see you again soon.
It's coming right back around.
Mike?
Euro trip.
Uh-huh.
Wacky Matt Damon cameos can't be overlooked.
Had that one in the pocket.
Yeah, that's a good one.
What do you think, Jay?
Oh, Hilary Swank, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Oh, very nice.
That's deep Swank. Yeah. the Vampire Slayer. Oh, very nice. That's deep swank.
Yeah.
For real.
Way back in the credits.
I've always loved her name
because that old-timey porn magazine
is called Swank.
I always just love that word.
The woman's just proudly,
I'm Hilary Swank.
It's like, oh, good for you.
Fucking weirdo.
That is a fucking hot name.
I mean, I didn't think that until she was older.
Okay, I got to do a Damon.
Have we done an Interstellar yet?
He's not in that.
Have we done...
I'll take that one back.
Oh, oh, oh, stuck on you.
Stuck on you.
Nice.
He is an interstellar.
He's an interstellar?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's confusing.
He's also in The Martian?
I thought...
I don't think you're right.
He's the bad guy.
He's the what?
He's the bad guy.
He's the bad guy?
Ooh, shh, shh, shh.
I don't know what's happening.
All right, so it's back to Lewis.
Is it?
Is it at Detroit?
No, man, I'm out.
You're out?
Oh, okay, I'm not going to be out.
Yeah, that extra 30 seconds wouldn't have helped you anyway.
What's the one where he's fucking, it's about they spread the disease on a flight.
Yes.
I know I'm so close, doggy.
Fuck, baby boys.
What do you call that situation when that happens?
I call it forgetfulness.
Just breathe.
No, he wasn't an outbreak.
That's Dustin Hoffman, who I get them confused a lot.
Right, right, right.
What the fuck was it called, man?
Come on, dude.
All right, I'm going to go to my fucking lifeline right here in the audience,
because I just can't remember, and I want to move the show along.
Contagion. Contagion. That's what I was thinking of. lifeline right here in the audience, because I just can't remember and I want to move the show along.
Contagion.
That's what I was thinking of.
You should have given me a fucking different one,
dude. I would have remembered that one, you idiot.
Terrible
teammate. Our texts are
ruining your life, you idiot.
I love that he's still sitting here
Are you going to get back to them on Monday?
Is that what's going on?
You're going to hang out for all this kankfest and then call them?
Mike?
The Departed
Yeah, of course
That's a big one right there
That was a big snag
He snagged that from me
Yeah, nice
What else you got, Jay? Jay Sweating Trying to think of a swanker there. That was a big snag. He snagged that from me. Yeah, nice.
What else you got, Jay? Jay's sweating.
Trying to think of a swanker.
Well, I'm thinking, Lifeline,
you got something that someone hasn't said? Huh? You do?
He's got a day. Throw it.
Elysium.
Sci-fi. Elysium.
Nice. Very good.
Very good. Very good.
All right, I'm going to have to go with...
I got to stay with Damon.
I got to take another Damon away from you.
So I'm going to say...
What the cock was that movie called?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Shit. shit
god damn it
alright for time I'm gonna recuse myself
I'm gonna tap
oh I got it I got it
the informant
oh yeah
that was tough to pull out back to me The Informant! Oh, yeah!
That was tough to pull out.
Back to me?
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to call Michael Bisping.
Wait, what?
I'm going to... I've got to use a famous lifeline.
I'm out of movies, but...
All right, give him a call.
Let's see if he'll answer right now.
He will.
Does he know Matt Damon movies?
Or Hilary Swank movies.
Yeah, there's a few good Swanks on the table.
All right, hold on.
Yeah, you could totally scoop up a Swank.
Here we go.
He calls him Mike Bisbing on the phone, by the way.
They're really tight.
Oh, wait, do I not have,
I don't have service in the room.
What?
I swear to God, I don't. the room What? I swear to God I don't
Fucking Boost Mobile
I swear to God
They don't tell you in those hip hoppy commercials
This is gonna happen
Can you hear me now?
Now he added fuck
Well that's a really fun wrinkle
You have to go outside
Call him up and then come back
No, I'm sorry dude
No
You're doing so great.
No.
I don't want Jay to beat me.
He's out of movies.
Do you want to just call me?
Can I?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's not going to work, but just pretend, yeah.
Hey, it's Doug.
What do you want?
Lewis.
Doug, stop being such a fucking L.A. pretentious asshole.
Just fucking answer the phone like a normal human for once, okay?
All right, all right.
I'm playing this really stupid game show.
Listen, can I just tell you really quick?
Yeah.
Dear Louis, you're great, but I'm not going to help you.
Love, love, Doug.
P.S. I love you.
Starring Hilary Swank!
Damn it.
Starring Hilary Swank Damn it
Doug my answer is
P.S. I love you
Starring Hilary Swank
Oh I want to be Jay
In this so badly
I'll be so happy
If I could just be Jay
All he's got to do
Are you still in?
Mike is still in it
Yeah I'm in
Fuck that was my last one though
Oh shit sorry Mike
Miracle
What?
That's his last name
I thought you were just begging for a miracle
I need a miracle
You have one coming to you and you're just like
I'm gonna cash it in
Did he check his phone?
Miracle
What does miracle say?
He says Ocean's Eleven
Right?
Yeah, then guess what Jay's got to say.
And then guess what Doug's going to say.
Oh my God, I'm a fucking moron.
Ocean's Thirteen.
Who's it down to?
I'm an idiot.
Fuck.
There's no way he's in Ocean's Eight.
Impossible. It's true, he's in Ocean's 8. Impossible.
It's true. He's not in it.
Unless he has a really good
Awkwafina costume.
Movie magic.
What the fuck, man?
Didn't she have AIDS in the movie?
Hilary Swank?
What?
The female reboot of Philadelphia.
Didn't she have AIDS in a
movie? She was in a movie where one of
her friends had AIDS. Yeah, probably.
Yes. One of her
friends had AIDS. Who hasn't been?
Oh,
what was it? One of my friends has AIDS.
It was the Queen movie, wasn't it?
But you did a great job today, Lewis.
Thank you, Doug. You have a great festival to look forward to.
Don't be sad, little buckaroo.
Mike?
What?
You got Bisbon on the phone now?
I have service.
He got service, finally.
Doug, I'm going to call... That's the miracle Doug I'm gonna call
That's the miracle
I'm gonna call Louis C.K.
Why?
No I'm kidding
Why?
I don't have any famous person in my phone
I give up I don't have
anything
Jay?
Is it my game to win?
It is yes I mean I could still play along. Get up here.
What happened?
I want you to take all of the things that you're going to win
inside this prize pack
and me and you,
we're going to buy a zoo.
Yes!
Yes!
Now, real quick,
real quick, real quick, everybody.
That's great.
Yeah.
No, he's amazing.
Amazing.
Amazing.
That was spectacular.
But I would now like you to say the correct title.
We're buying a zoo.
No!
No!
We bought a zoo. Yes, we bought a zoo. No! We bought a zoo.
Yes!
We bought a zoo!
I drank a little.
Which is another way to describe
this festival.
We bought a zoo.
Alright, yeah, so dude, yes,
please, come up and get your prizes. I'm sorry to
make you go sit back down.
Four times.
Undefeated.
Be really careful. You can just jump up on stage.
Be real careful with that elephant.
Yeah.
I'm sorry if you have a bad back.
Alright, cool. Just joking around.
Skankfest is not the place for joking around,
sir. We want to know
if people have a bad back or not. You get to stay at
Louis' apartment next Skankfest. There you go.
Please also
follow up to tell us the worth of
the elephant.
I'm from Toronto. It's not making it home.
Hey, congratulations on getting
those tickets to next year's Skankfest.
It's going to be a secret Skankfest
and good luck finding out
where it is.
Good luck.
You have to find it.
He goes, there is
a one catch.
Trey Galleon,
what do you got to plug?
My albums on all the stuff that you listen
to albums on. Trey Galleon live at
Creep Records. Oh, and if you want
one of my rolling trays,
go to creeprecords.com
and you can buy one on there
with the album. They still got some.
Thank you very much, Trey Gallion.
Thanks, Gang Fest.
I'll see you soon.
Louis J. Gomez, what do you got?
Congratulations, dude. What do you got to plug? Yeah, guys, you guys go to Louis J. Gomez Presents, louis yeah congratulations dude what do you got to plug
yeah guys
you guys go to
Lewis J. Gomez Presents
LewisJGomez.com
grab the special
look out for tour dates
check out the other podcasts
Legion of Skanks
Real Ass Podcasts
and Believe You Me
and that's that
we're losing them
it's funny
they just did the
plus 15 in real life
this entire audience
is mentally moving on to the next
show. Chatting with friends
about what's going to happen next.
Big Jay Oakerson. I didn't
go. That's why I skipped you
Mike because I think Big Jay's got to bring
the crowd back. Hey everybody.
See look at how exciting it is when he
talks. BigJayComedy.com. All my
dates. Touring around a whole bunch.
Check out the Bonfire, check out SDR's
show, Legion of Skanks, and of
course my special on Netflix, Degenerates.
Yes. Thank you. Thank you,
Doug. Mike Cannon,
give it to us. Get my dates at
MikeCannonComedy.com,
at I Am Mike Cannon, and Irish
Goodbye Podcast, also on Gantz. Very nice.
Yeah. Part
two of the beer pong contest
is going to happen on Sunday right here
at Skankfest. Single day tickets still
available? Nope. Sorry,
fuckers.
I'm going to be in Dayton, Cincinnati,
Tucson, San Diego.
Look out for me. Thank you,
Skankfest. This has been
so much fun. One more
time for all of my guests. Trey Galeone,
Louis J. Gomez,
Mike Cannon, Big J.
Oakerson.
As always,
positive energy!
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Until next time
now it's time for Doug to watch another
talkie, eyes of gold
his viewing prowess makes him cocky
there's no room in his
heart for you cause Doug
loves movies