Doug Loves Movies - Bil Dwyer Guests

Episode Date: March 18, 2007

Doug sits down with fellow comic Bil Dwyer ('Last Comic Standing') to discuss '300,' movie title acronyms, and Bil's landmark performance in 'Ski School 2.'See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds with 50 acid popper kernels in his teeth there's still not one that he won't see cause Doug loves movies hey everybody welcome to I love movies my name is Doug Benson, and I love movies. But you knew that, didn't you? You know, I was pretty sure that mentioning the comments about my show on the comments section of the Handheld Comedy site would lead to more comments, and I was right. And, you know, there's still a paltry number of comments

because people either listen to the podcast and are satisfied and don't feel like they need to comment or they comment, but that's only happened a few times. Each show has its own list of comments or you can comment on the show in general. I forget which one this was under, but one fellow or lady who goes by the handle user ID. So fiercely independent and clever in their in their Internet name wrote, here's a comment.

Go fuck yourself. Thanks for your comment, user ID. thanks for your comment user id uh you may know my guest today from the most recent season of last comic standing when he made it onto the boat while i stood on the dock waving you might also know him from battle bots the 70s house and extreme dodgeball which would mean you watch a fucking shitload of television. Cable television. Please welcome Bill Dwyer, everybody. Let's hear it for Bill.

D-W-Y-E-R. Bill spelled with only one L. Hey, Bill. Hi, everybody. Thanks for coming out and being your normal. You're such a, you're always up. I've never seen the down Bill Dwyer. I'm not always up, Doug.

I know. It's just a facade I put on for the general public. You saved the downer, the sad Bill for your kids, right? For, yeah. The kids and the wife love that Bill. But when you're in an audience, you're going to get the up Bill. Yeah, you'll never see any problems with me, everybody. No troubles.

All right. No troubles. Well, we've got to argue a little bit. It's part of the fun of the show. Oh, sure. I'll argue with you. We're already sitting in an arm wrestling position. Yeah, I'll hammer. I'll hammer.

I'm here. All right. I'm there for that. You know the show's about movies, right? Yeah. Do you like movies? You love them, right? Yeah. Do you like movies? You love them too? Yeah.

In fact, I do a podcast called I Love Movies Too. No, you don't. No, I don't. That would be great. I love movies. I know about a lot of movies. I said it like I thought there was really a possibility. No, you don't.

You what? How come I'm just getting wind of this now? It never comes up when I type the whole title into Google. What were you saying? I was just saying that I know movies. I don't go to a lot of movies, but I know about movies. I read about movies. I hear things about movies.

It is kind of fun. I understand what goes on with movies it's fun when you get busy how you can just read like uh you know entertainment weekly and usa today and stuff like that and like some of the reviews it just feels like oh i've i've seen it now yeah i'm satisfied like i didn't have to see that will smith movie the pursuit of happiness yeah i uh i don't like this. Because all the reviews said, you know, kind of what happens. Yeah. And I believe that if I go, I won't be surprised that that will actually happen.

And he'll persevere as a homeless man with his boy. Right, and they'll sleep in a bathroom, and then he gets a job, right? Yeah, and then he does pretty well eventually. Right. And it's a modern-day success story. Yeah. But you go, wait a second, but Will Smith, they talk about how great his acting is in it because he's not.

He dropped the charisma. Right, and he's got that crazy hair. And he put some gray shit in his hair. Yeah. But he's still, Will Smith can just, like, I just can't see him not being charismatic. Right. You know what I mean?

That guy would pound it in a job interview. I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think. Can you imagine that guy being. I think from seeing the trailer a few times, I think he does at a few points kind of step up.

Right. And tell people what's what. Yeah, exactly. And then they're like, you would be a good stock trader. Yeah. Let's do this. Is that what he becomes in it? Stock trader? I think that's what he's doing. Yeah. He's do this. Is that what he becomes in it? Stock trader?

I think that's what he's doing, yeah. He's trying to be like a fucking Wall Street man. Ah, okay. Yeah. So anyway, but neither one of us have seen it. I did not see that. Isn't that fun, discussing movies we didn't see? Yeah, I'll discuss all sorts of movies I haven't seen.

What's like a big movie that's out now that you have not seen? Eragon. All right. You know we're taping this on march 20th oh that's i believe that was i believe that was released in theaters on december 10 ish 13 months ago no just three or four but still yes you're you're you're you're you're paying attention to what's coming out on DVD. I have not seen 300. I have not seen 300. Three-hundy? Yeah.

The hundy? That's what they called it when they sold it to me on the street corner in Times Square. Really? Yeah. Psst, you want a copy of Three-hundy? I was like, yeah. That'll be awesome. The whole movie's fake, and then I'll uh a film of the film being fake yeah because then that handheld thing in the audience of a movie theater

in time square that'll really add a dimension of humanity that the film lacks it's probably a guy who snuck into the actual filming so you just see the green screen you know you know what i mean there's no shaking actual green screen there's no shaky... You just see the actual green screen. There's no shaky handheld camera work in 300. I mean, there is in 300, but not in 300. Have you ever watched... In 300, it's locked down. You can't be, like, zipping around and pointing in any direction when you're shooting on a green screen,

unless you have a 360-degree green screen, which is a great idea I just had. Awesome. I didn't know that about green screen. You can't be whipping around? Well, you can't. You've got to go. It's the screens there, so if you pan all the way this way, that way, you're going to spoil the magic. You're going to see the craft services table.

The blood better be flowing. There's Alexis enjoying some Oreos. The blood needs to be flowing in that battle so you don't notice the grips standing behind the fountain of plasma. They're always wearing shorts. Oh, Bill, it's good to have you on the show. Big fat grips and shorts. They're always in shorts. It could be January in Montana.

The grip's got shorts on. They have to move around a lot. I know. They're lifting constantly. Do you want to wear slacks when you're lifting? I guess, well, you could wear something

that moves with you. I don't know, but just always with the shorts and those big hammy legs they have. Big, big, these giant legs. And they always wear high tops and black socks just to really emphasize these white, hammy legs they have. Tattoos, occasionally? Yeah, yeah, yeah, always a tattoo.

Yeah, tattoo on the calf, you know, some sort of a tribal thing on the calf. What's the name of that morning radio show that you do sometimes when you're out on the road? Who are the personalities on that show? Well, there's always two guys with nicknames and a girl without. Right. It's usually Cincinnati's Morning Zoo with Johnny Applespeed, Walrus Boy, and Helen. And Helen is one of my favorite punchlines in stand-up comedy right now.

Whenever I hear the name Helen, I think of you in that joke. Whenever I go on morning radio, I think of that. It's just so funny. And you just threw it away that time. But when you do it on stage, you're like, and Helen.

You just lay into it. It's just such a weird name. You never build up to Helen in anything. Helen is such a great because there's young pretty women named Helen but if you just hear the name Helen

you just think of some old bat. You don't think of a cute girl that's about to do the news and the weather. Always the weather. Always traffic and weather. Helen. to do the news and the weather. Always the weather. Always traffic and weather. Helen. And here's Helen with the weather. We know.

And you made up the other two names, too. Yeah, yeah. You put the effort into it. You didn't pick some existing team. Yeah, and three of them. You weren't like Kevin, Bean, and Lisa. Yeah. No, no, no.

I went with a real name. Which is a real one. Yeah. Are you gonna see Mark Wahlberg in Shooter? Which is not a sequel to Boogie Nights It should be pointed out Oh, no?

No, it is not Is it a Because I'd see the crap out of that That giant Leg gun that he was That he had going in Boogie Nights Oh, yeah Shooter, get it?

Yeah, when that hog Got whipped out at the end of that movie. That was kind of crazy, man. When you can lay your wang on a table, when your wang is a credit, man, that is a wang. It did, right? When you wait three hours. Special prosthetic cock by so-and-so.

By Mr. Earl. He's in a theater somewhere opening weekend with his parents. That's me. Pointing to the credit as it rolls by. What's a prosthetic penis, son? It's called Burt Reynolds. Man, that thing was wearing jewelry by somebody. That thing was on the red carpet, that wang.

And people were like, what are you wearing? That wang was enormous, man. Scorsese should go back and add Jake LaMotta taking his dick out to Raging Bull. Because the scene in Boogie Nights, he's kind of doing Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull, but then he eventually just whips out his dick, which I don't believe Jake LaMotta did do. No, he didn't. No, Harvey Keitel, though, all the time. Go back and fix it.

Harvey Keitel, bad lieutenant. Yeah, right. That's a really bad lieutenant, masturbating in front of a nun. Oh, is that really? In a street corner. Yeah, there's a nun in a car, and he just, like, he takes it out. Yeah, that's a really bad lieutenant. Hey, where's the general?

That's not a guy that forgot to do his paperwork. Oh, you're a bad lieutenant. No, that is a bad lieutenant. He's taking it to a whole other level. He's off duty doing this stuff. That guy needs a desk job stat. Man, at least then you've got a desk to cover up your wang and you're jacking off. Maybe you're hitting the bottom of the desk, but geez,

at least nuns aren't being offended. What about TMNT? Oh, yeah. Can you believe that? They're trying to coolify, like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles couldn't get any cooler. Oh, yeah. They're trying to make it cooler by just saying the initials. Yeah.

And I think that's their way of saying, you know, we've had some time to think about what we've done. And we saw the success that the New Kids on the Block had when they went with N-K-O-T-B-Y or whatever it is. The country's best yogurt? You go into a New Kids on the Block concert, you think you're going to get some fro-gurts. N-K-O-T-B. N-K-O-T-B. N-K-O-T-B, yeah. You only break it down if it's easy to run with.

Right, right. Like M-I-B, that was perfect. Right, yeah. Because then also Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith were cool. Yeah, yeah. But Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yeah. T-M-N-T. Yeah, and then they say it.

TMNT. TMNT. Is that a new Ted Turner channel that I'm not aware of? Yeah, exactly. It's all turtles and all pizza. All the time. They're heroes on a half shell, Bill. Teenage.

Turtle power. How old are your kids now? Huh? How old are your kids now? Oh, they're all sorts of ages, Doug. I know. They're several different ones picked out specially by you and the missus. And none are interested in TM1010T.

Because they're all too old for it, right? No, probably the youngest one would be about the right age. They didn't hear about it the first time around. So this time it's like, what? Well, yeah, that's how they're marketing it. They think there's a new bunch of kids who don't know about the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles About the original, about the comic book And then about that cartoon

And then about the horrible live action movies And now this Which is CGI I think CGI Whatever that means CGI Let's just start calling 300 T Yeah, TH

No, just T dude Why don't we call it Let's just start calling 300 T. Yeah. T-H. No, just T, dude. Why don't we call it a triple L? What's a Roman numeral for 100? Is it L? M-C. Oh. C.

Triple C. Yeah, triple C. Three C. Yeah. Triple X. Let's both go to different movie theaters, and when buy our ticket Say I'd like one for 3C And see what the ticket seller does Probably just put out a ticket for 300

Without even batting an eye You think so? I was talking with Paul F. Tompkins on the show A couple weeks ago About how it's so much fun to To mangle the name of the movie as much as you can so that they have to figure out which one you want to see.

Give me an example. Give me a poor ejemplo. I'd like a ticket to a bridge too far at Bithia. That was just right off the top of my head, you guys. I didn't plan that one. I'm trying to think of other movies that are out now that one's a little those little old too uh oh uh no bit can i have a ticket to no bit

can you imagine me the person that's in the stupid box working for minimum wage having to go you mean norbit yeah yeah yeah sorry i'm not smart like you I called no bit Nor bit, no bit No bit, Norman Oh, let's call the whole thing off So we'll go We'll ask for 3C The last Nizzy

Can I get some tickets to the They'd figure that one out, I think Oh, really? All of my examples, too It's better to screw it up in a way Where they might actually have to make you repeat yourself Right, yeah If I had a list of movies out

And again, I do, I know movies And I read about them It's just that I can't think of any right now That I can butcher the title on them Except for Caffeine What do you do with that? How about Blade 4, Blade of Glory? Then they'll be like what

because blades of glory of course is coming out was there there was a blade already uh blade three yeah oh there was okay the gold standard in the third part of a trilogy oh uh because yeah because it's certainly better than godfather 3. Yeah, and that was my point. Every other third part always sucks. Blade Part 3 is not great or anything. If they ever do a Toy Story 3, it's going to be phenomenal, I tell you. You know what? I take it all back.

Thank you for bringing me back to reality with the Toy Story 3 thing. You bet. Blade 3 sucked. Oh, did it really? Yeah, now that I think about it. It had some okay moments, right? But Blade 2 was the really good one. Miss Congeniality 3

Guillermo del Toro did 2. It's going to rock. Guillermo did 2. The third was done by some other fella. David Goyer. David Goyer, I think. That's going to be good. Now, would you see,

if there was a Pan's Labyrinth 2, would I see it? Pan Boogaloo, would you see it? Pan's Labyrinth 2, Lost in New York? Yes, I you see, if there was a Pan's Labyrinth 2? Would I see it? Pan Boogaloo, would you see it? Pan's Labyrinth 2, Lost in New York? Yes, I would see it. You'd see that? When you do the sequel joke, you like to do Electric Boogaloo, I like to do Lost in New York.

That's what... Well, and then the Legend of Curly's Gold is up for grabs. That's a good one. There's only three or four good ones. They get used all the time, but I never get tired of it. I don't even know if Lost in New York is that good. I don't know if people realize that's for Home Alone 2. Oh, I thought it was Gangs of New York 2.

Lost in New York. Gangs of New York, the boroughs. So Blades of Glory though Brooklyn Beach I want to mention Our guest My guest on next week's show Will be Nick Schwartzen Who's featured in

Blades of Glory Oh is he? Yeah That kid is good man Yeah That kid is solid Good booking at the right time Yeah

I wish he was here right now Instead of you Really? But soon Soon That's alright Don't worry about it I'm just joking I'm just joking around One person in the audience right time yeah i wish he was here right now instead of you really but soon soon that's all right don't worry about it i'm just i'm just joking around one person in the audience just one i saw uh we rented a babble last night no you didn't yeah have you seen it i watched i watched it like i watched it a few minutes of a time oh you know what i mean like like i would watch it

on planes and my computer would Yeah Lose its steam Off But I couldn't turn it on again After the scene where Rinko Kikuchi showed her Kikuchi Man I'll tell you I've never been less excited About Bush in my life

Man that was awful That is Yeah You know I guess that's the point of it Is it's extremely awkward Bush I know but If I see Bush on film And I don't see a lot of Bush

when I'm watching movies, you know, I want a happy Bush. Not a sad, crying Bush. Yeah, stand up straight, will you? Man, she was driving me nuts in that movie. I know, stand up like you were going up the red carpet to the Oscars. Yeah, yeah, let's go.

Don't be all like, oh, I'm depressed. You're a cute girl and you got this. Here's my bush. Yeah. I mean, come on. Be proud of your bush. Man, that was annoying. But that whole movie, though, did you really watch the whole thing?

Yeah. It's rough. It's a rough sit. Yeah. As a father of children, it must be really rough. It's one of those movies where, well, you kind of know that, I'm not spoiling it for anybody, but when the kids are left in the desert, they find them. And you know they're not going to get lost in the desert.

You know they're not going to, you know. I mean, nobody, one kid dies in it. You know, he gets shot. Are we even sure that he died? Oh, the kid who got shot? Oh, yeah, see? Maybe he didn't die. See?

Spoiler alert for those of you who have seen it and thought that he may have died. You don't need to see it. No, I'm saying if the ones who have seen it probably have an opinion about whether he's dead or not. The stories are so carefully interwoven, it's like, oh, jeez. Yeah, one guy sold a rifle to another guy and barely remembers doing it. And then Brad Pitt's wife gets shot in the shoulder and then his kids get lost in Tijuana. God, was that dull. I liked how the scene where Brad Pitt finds out

after spending all that time with his dying wife and trying to save her, he eventually finds out that through customs officials or somebody that his maid took his children into Mexico at the same time that his wife was dying and that they almost died alone in a desert. And you just hear later, the father was very mad, but he's not going to press charges. Like, where's that fucking scene? Brad Pitt would have gotten a supporting actor nomination if he'd had that fucking wig out. Or showed some bush.

Because she got a nomination. Exactly. As soon as he hears about his children being okay, he would have dropped his pants and shown everyone in the hospital corridor his bush. His man bush. Do you trim the man bush every year? I do occasionally.

Doesn't it grow back extra fierce when you do that? I got to tell you, you've never done it? You know, as a prank a couple of times. Oh, really? I remember taking scissors. The first time I did it, I just cut it. I was in my 30s. I was like 34 when I first did it. I just trimmed it. I was in my 30s. I was like 34 when I first did it.

I just trimmed it. And man, and I didn't shave it or anything. I just took scissors and cut off the ends. I was itching like crazy. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty uncomfortable. Man, it was nuts. It was like I... It was near your nuts. Yeah. It's like I cut a living thing. I mean, it was just hair and then all

of a sudden it was just coming back on me. But now I'm used to it now so I can trim away. I don't go crazy, but I do. I trim, it was just hair, and then all of a sudden it was just coming back on me. But now I'm used to it now, so I can trim away. I don't go crazy, but I do. I trim my manhood. You're used to the horrible feeling that follows it? Yeah. Well, it's not horrible anymore. Oh, okay. But that first time, it's like, you know, it's crazy. It's like surgery

you're not ready for. Or like crabs or something. It's like you've been invaded. I've had crabs, too. Extremely itchy. Is that better or worse? Oh, crabs were way worse. Than the first time shaving It's extremely... I've had crabs, too. Extremely itchy. Is that better or worse? Oh, crabs were way worse. Than the first time shaving. Yeah, and I was much younger, too, and I didn't know what was going on with the crabs. Did you use the scissors on the crabs? No.

I ran to the doctor, man. Stab each and every one of them? I was terrified. I thought I was going to die. I never had crabs before. And I got them from, like, a bad hotel room. Oh, yeah, of course you did. I didn't even get...

Oh, you 10-year-old business traveler. I wish I could have... Forgot to take the bed spread off before sitting down on the bed. I wish I'd poured some scan. Don't you ever CSI it? Don't you ever take the CSI light over the bed spread in your hotel? It's horrifying. No, I hear... Yeah, I hear the comforter

that they put on your bed. You're always supposed to strip that off. And don't ask me how I know this, but the hotel room carpeting in almost every hotel, you can jizz on it and no one can even notice that it happened. Don't ask me how I know that. No, I'm tempted to, though. I'm tempted to ask you how you know that, but I won't since you told me not to. Go ahead.

How do you know that? This girl I know did it once. This girl I know did it once. We're getting off the subject. Movies. Which is you beating me on Last Comic Standing. Now, how did that happen? Remember when we were standing backstage and they were deciding?

Me, you, and Bruce Fine were standing there, and I said, fellas, I think it's going to be one of us. And I said, I think it's going to be you, Doug. And I honestly believe that. I think I said, I think it's going to be one of us and I said, I think it's going to be you, Doug. And I honestly believe that. I think I said, I think it's going to be you. Did you? And then Bruce found a box and climbed up on it but we were both gone

by the time he said what he wanted to say. It took him like three hours to climb up on that box too. Man, I'd like to watch that guy type in some time. That'd be funny.

He's got those tiny little hands. When rappers like call their girls shorty, I think of him. You think of Bruce Fine? Yeah. Shout out to Bruce. Bruce Fine.

We're going to miss him. I wonder if he's doing it again this year. I don't know. Alright, movies. Let's talk about movies. You bet. Here we go. When you were on that boat on Last Comic Standing, were you worried that it would capsize on New Year's Eve

while Fergie is singing? Was that Fergie in the Poseidon Adventure? Fergie's in the... Well, not the first one. The new one. The new one that's just called Poseidon, right? I saw the new one recently, and I had heard talk of it. It's not bad. It's okay. Oh, and it was bad?

Super stinky. Really? Did. Oh, and it was bad? Super stinky. Really? Did anybody here even see it? Poseidon Adventure itself, the original, is fairly bad. Yeah, but somehow it kind of holds up. All the effects were like stuntmen falling into the glass. When the boat turns over in Poseidon, the new special effects can't make people sliding across the floor cooler yeah like it's the same shit again

yeah but like somehow with less uh less imagination i mean there's some pretty cool deaths throughout the movie you know like like they go harder they go further out of their way to fuck people up yeah you know like poor freddieet Under. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't just fall down the shaft. He fucking hits against it as many possible times. Oh, really? Oh, that's sweet. Or no, actually, he falls into the fire, but then the entire elevator car goes after it. So while you're burning to death, you're being crushed.

Crushed. It's a nice combo. It's like, oh, I'm on fire. This couldn't possibly get worse. Crushed. Oh. Hey. Hey. I got to keep my mouth shut. It's a nice combo. It's like, oh, I'm on fire. This couldn't possibly get worse. Oh, hey. I got to keep my mouth shut.

Man, I probably jinxed myself. Or maybe the two cancel each other out. I jinxed myself. Maybe he's like, all right, that worked out pretty good. Oh, I was really hurt. That fire feeling was really bad. Yeah. Thank goodness my spine has been severed. Man, we're follying these back and forth with the skill of the Sklar brothers.

So we're running out of time here, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention your work as Todderbert Kaczynski in Ski School 2. I think you would be remiss if you didn't. The crown jewel in the Ski School trilogy. Yes. Was there three? Remember Ski School 3, The Last Temptation of Totterberg? There was not a Ski School 3.

Ski School 3. It begs for one, Doug. It begs for one, but there was no Ski School 3. Ski School 3, The Reckoning. Oh, yeah. That'd be something good. Yeah. Or The Heretic. Then they would probably cut the Ski School 2 budget in half. three the reckoning oh yeah that'd be something good yeah there'd be a or the heretic then they

would probably cut the ski school to budget in half that's what they did with uh they took ski school they cut his budget in half and then we did ski school too and it's really i'll tell you if you haven't seen ski school too uh check it out i believe it's on netflix or you can buy it probably on amazon for about six bucks and And I think it's worth it. Yeah, they did it on the cheap, but those are some beautiful slope. Yeah. The one slope is really gorgeous. And there's some great boob in that movie.

Really? There's one fantastic boob. Yeah. That's all the nudity. Does it get bitten by a snake? Yeah, it does. Because now I'm just like Since snakes on a plane

A boob comes out I'm like if it doesn't get bitten by a snake I'm not satisfied Did a boob get bit by a snake on snakes? Oh yeah Man what's with the That's the first attack I gotta see good nudity when I

You know This bad bush and babble And then a snake bite and a boob This isn't That's not what I want. I want nude volleyball. Hey, let's go out to the beach, play some volleyball, everybody, and our tops will slip off.

That's what I want. I don't want blood or I haven't seen Black Snake Moan. You sounded kind of like, what's his name, the sportscaster from Chicago. I did. I got a little bit of Harry Carey going on in there. The boob slips off. I'm honestly done. I'm out of boob. I want to seecaster from Chicago. I did. I got a little bit of Harry Carey going on in there. The boob-sweeper. That's all.

I'm honestly done. I'm out of boob. I want to see a boob. You're like a Budweiser boob. Boobweiser. What's this thing that IMDB mentions called San Saba? Oh, it's a movie. You play Hank. It's an a movie. You play Hank.

It's an independent movie. I play Hank. Hank! And, uh... He'd be the morning guy on the show with two women with funny nicknames

and Hank. Yeah. Instead of Helen. Yeah. Sweet, sweet Cheryl, the lemon drop princess and Hank. So what's going on

with that movie? I'm not sure. It's going to be out. It's an indie film? Yeah, indie film. Yeah. Pretty exciting. It stars

one of the guys from Mel Gibson's movie where they paint their faces blue. No, where they paint their faces. Braveheart? Yes, yes. A guy from Braveheart is in it?

Yes, yes. A guy other than there was someone else in it besides Mel Gibson? Yes Yes A guy from Braveheart Is in it? Yes A guy other than There was someone else in it Besides Mel Gibson? Yes Yes What did he play? Irish fella

Oh I know I know Tim Roth No No He was in that other one That came out around that same time Angus

Angus Something He was in Rob Roy Angus something With Liam Neeson And Jessica Lange Tim Roth was? Yeah I think so Rob Roy. Angus something. With Liam Neeson and Jessica Lange. Tim Roth was? Yeah, I think so. Rob Roy. Remember he raped

Jessica Lange? He like pulled up her dress and went nuts on it. Man, see? No Bush though. No Bush. Oh, really? But see, I'm not, you know, I'm not enjoying that either. I'm not enjoying that or myself to that or anything like that. I'm not even sure it was Jessica Lange. That might have been, I might have been thinking of

King Kong. What about when the two movies came out? Hey, man, have you ever seen the original King Kong? This is a great audience, by the way. Yeah, it is a good audience. I did see the original with the little... The original King Kong is phenomenal. Really?

Yes. And you know what's great about it? It's 90 minutes long. The movie starts out, they're like, we better get on the boat. Then they're like, on the boat. It's like, oh like oh that's awesome that would be so much fun to see we better get to the island and then they're at the island oh we could sync up peter jackson's version and the original that's like yeah and like they're still on on the boat an hour into it and you're

like shit's happening on this one and then when they're running from dinosaurs right probably King Kong is falling off the Empire State Building exactly and you know what I've actually it's so funny you say that because I've said that

I go watch the original King Kong and then watch the new King Kong 90 minutes in because that's when the cool stuff happens but that's the other thing

though that first 90 minutes of the new King Kong is just like oh please this has come up on I Love Movies before I think

okay sorry but I can't be positive sorry then because I smoke a lot of pot. But I think it's so crazy how, but at least in the original King Kong, you're like, let's take this giant ape back to New York. Yeah. In this new one, there's hundreds of dinosaurs running around that are extinct. At least we've seen monkeys in our lifetimes and are a little surprised by a really big one,

but we know what monkeys look like and we've interacted with them and seen them before in person. But nobody says, let's take one of these dinosaurs back to civilization. Or look at those giant spiders. How about those things? Those are pretty good too. Why are they so fixated on the goddamn monkey? The one that is

the most likely to give you a hard time when he's got hands. You know what I mean? Yeah. And how about tiny dinosaur brains? A spider or a pterodactyl can't kick you in the balls like King Kong can. Right.

I mean, that guy can, like, do everything. He could be a baseball player. Anything you want to plug before you go, Bill? Time just went by. No. We didn't even have time to play Leonard Maltin. Oh, man. Well, and look for San Saba.

San Saba. Starring Angus something. Oh, McFadden. Angus McFadden. Yeah. Okay. He's good. Angus McFadden. I love McFadden. Yeah. Okay. He's good. Angus McFadden.

I love it. All right. Until next time. Let's give Bill a round of applause. Why the hell not? Thank you. Until next time, this is Doug Benson saying Willem Dafoe is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.

Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!