Doug Loves Movies - Bob Saget, Jon Hamm and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: May 30, 2018Live from the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Bob Saget, Jon Hamm and Geoff Tate to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/pri...vacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats
With 50 as a top or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Just Doug Loves Movies
Hey, what's going on?
Is there some sort of great guest here tonight or something?
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you once again from our original home.
We've been here 12 years now.
The UCB Theater on Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles, California.
years now, the UCB Theater on Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles,
California!
I've learned that
in other cities, they're very excited
to hear the name of their own city, but Los Angeles
is kind of over it.
Probably because we're all from somewhere else.
So I've learned how to ramp up
and say it in a way that just draws applause
out of people.
Even the most jaded amongst you.
Even the Scientologists.
It's Tuesday, May 29th, 2018.
And did we bring some name tags?
Oh, we did bring some name tags.
I'm not even going to get into it.
That's how good the guests are, but thank you guys for bringing
those and we'll see them again soon.
Had a great
time in Toronto,
Canada.
Toronto is the people there say it.
And I'm psyched to be going
back to both Vancouver
and Montreal over the
next two months.
More Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is back at Cab City Comedy in Austin, Texas,
this Saturday, June 2nd at 4.20.
And we're back at The Secret Group in Houston, Texas,
on Saturday, January 9th.
You're right, that's bad routing.
To have a week off between two shows
that are a 45-minute plane ride apart.
But that's also at 420,
and for all of my dates and deets and links,
go to douglosemovies.com.
That's douglosemovies.com!
Yeah!
Let's take a quick peek into the...
It's time for a quick peek
A quick peek into the prize bag
There's that thing
I'm going to wait and tell you about that in a second
I got a box of condiments
When I ordered a cheeseburger on a plane
Yeah, I'll just fucking eat it plain
Because I'm on one
And this is a thing
I got when I saw the Deadpool
1 and 2 double
feature on opening night
it's a Deadpool 2 desk buddy
whatever that means
I guess you're just supposed to put it on your desk
and think it's your real friend
this is a beautiful
Christmasy peacemaker bong.
Jeez, how do I do that?
I saved the best for last.
A copy of Toronto Magazine.
All of that is going to be
somebody's tonight.
Plus, stuff brought
by my three guests.
Please give it up
for Jeff Tate,
Jon Hamm,
and Bob Saget.
Thank you. You brought yourself, Bob.
That's what really counts.
You have a beautiful bag.
Thank you.
Yeah, John threw that bag on the table
like there was going to be a criminal exchange of some kind.
I think Joe Pesci's head is in it.
There's six more heads in a double bed.
That's what I was trying to reference. It's a movie night, right?
I don't know. Alright, got quiet.
I'll stop now.
Let's meet them individually.
Starting with first time guest
on the show, Bob Saget
everybody.
Thank you very much.
I know nothing
of this format
yeah you didn't
thank you for inviting me
does he ever get applause
they chant things
finally after all these years
I got some applause
I deserve some of the credit for this
but thank you for being here thank you for I got some applause. I deserve some of the credit for this. But
thank you for being here. Thank you for
I got to meet Mel Brooks because of this
man. He hooked me up
and you didn't need to do that.
I mean, sexually, I hooked him up.
Yeah, I made love to Mel Brooks
and my saddle's been
blazing ever since.
But...
Come on, Bob! That's been blazing. That wasn't pre-written. But, come on, Bob.
That's been blazing.
That wasn't pre-written.
No, not at all.
That whole,
and you did,
you enacted that fart scene
around the campfire.
Yeah, right.
You wore that
Anne Bancroft mask.
That's in poor taste.
You don't even have
anything here to plug
tonight necessarily.
I'll plug you
if the night goes well.
Fuller House.
Fuller House on Netflix.
Right, but I never plugged that.
I've never heard you bring it up, ever.
No, I don't bring it up.
It's the fourth season.
I never bring it up.
And they let me do it.
What's the season?
Two and a half episodes?
Holy shit.
I thought it just came back.
It's four seasons into the reboot?
Four years of your life have gone by.
And it's not a reboot because it's all the regular people.
Yeah.
Except for the two smart fashionistas that I love
that are in New York. They didn't do it.
Yeah.
Right.
They're on a different...
Lori Loughlin and who else?
There's the other one.
Lori's there.
I haven't seen it.
John Stamos, who's a nice man.
He's a good man.
We love John Stamos.
Lovely man.
Lovely man.
Pillar of the Greek community.
He really is.
It's he and Vardalos.
And then Aretha Wilson right in the middle.
That is it.
That's kind of it.
That's all the Greeks.
Yeah, Anthony Quinn's dead.
Oh, and Tony Tretteria. What? I don't know. It's kind of it. That's all the Greeks. Yeah, Anthony Quinn's dead. Oh, and Tony Tretteria.
What?
I don't know.
It's Malibu.
Pay attention to me, Bob.
Not the handsome man to your left.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Jon Hamm!
Yeah!
Hi!
Upright Citizens Brigade Theater slash Franklin.
Hello.
Hi, Doug.
Hey, dude.
This might be the first time you come on the show all the time, and I appreciate that,
but this might be the first time we really have a timely plug.
You've got a motion picture that is going to be released nationally.
A feature film.
Internationally.
Yeah, it's feature length.
It is feature length.
You finally got out of the short game.
The shorts, yeah.
The shorts just weren't doing it.
They were fun while they lasted.
Yeah, but they're fucking short.
It'll grow on you.
Yeah, it's called Tag.
It's in theaters nationwide.
Tag, everybody.
It looks so good.
Sorry, myself, Ed Helms, friend of the show.
Jeremy Renner, possible friend of the show?
He's never been on, but you know what?
Not with that attitude.
Hawkeye's on home arrest.
That was a solid joke, you guys.
If you're looking for Infinity War jokes, that was the one.
Jake Johnson, Hannibal Buress.
Hannibal Buress has been on the program.
There we go.
Yeah.
Good people.
Great lineup.
Funny, funny, funny, funny, funny stuff.
Saw the trailer today and enjoyed it.
Based on a true story.
Mm-hmm.
These adult people, actual jobs and careers and families,
take time out of their life one month every year to play tag with each other
and have been doing so since they were nine.
They are now in their 50s.
So it's based on the real-life story of these guys,
and we just behave like idiots for an hour and a half,
and it's pretty fun to watch.
It looks very violent.
I wouldn't say it's violent.
Maybe it's action-oriented.
There's some bumps and craziness along the way.
Yeah, Ed Helms gets hit in the face with a donut very hard.
Is that violence?
Against the donut, maybe.
No, you know how this show goes.
People get hit with donuts all the time here.
That's out on June 15th, I want to say.
You should say.
I am correct.
I did it.
Also joining us right now,
the happiest man on earth.
So excited to be on this
panel. It's Jeff Tate, everybody!
I can't believe you're doing that.
I know
Saget is harder to chant, but
come on.
I'm embarrassed you guys shouldn't.
Okay, seriously.
Seriously, no.
Hey, buddy, how's it going?
Pretty good.
Listen, by the end of the show,
are you going to fill that Gatorade bottle?
I hope so. It looks like it's got urine in it. Is the end of the show, are you going to fill that Gatorade bottle? I hope so.
It looks like it's got urine in it.
Is that one of the popular flavors now?
Is that the Waterworld flavor?
It's mango.
It's terribly diseased urine.
It's really orange.
It's very orange.
What's wrong with your piss, Doug?
That it's that orange.
You should rephrase that.
What's right with my piss?
What's wrong with my Gatorade?
What color is your urine, Doug?
It's Gatorade color.
But it would be more yellow.
Golden, Gatorade, whatever that is.
What flavor is that? Mango.
Oh, okay. It's the number one
flavor. It's sweeping the nation.
Mango flavor Gatorade.
Is it at number one or is it sweeping
and approaching number one?
It's going towards number one with a bullet. Is that what that means? It's not number one or is it sweeping and approaching number one it's it's it's going towards number
one with a bullet is that how that is that what that means like it's not number one yet but it's
yeah let's go with that is it is this your plug no
he does have an album that half of the title is gatorade right
no but uh i mean the next one probably.
I'll put Gatorade in the next one.
Wait, what was that one? Hot Dogs and Gatorade or something like that?
Oh, that's just a thing I had for dinner
once.
Then I said it out loud on a
different podcast and then now everyone's
like, you should have that for dinner all the time.
And I do.
It's not bad.
It's good.
All right, buddy.
You ever have hot dogs and Gatorade, Bob?
I actually put hot dogs in my Gatorade just to cool them off. All right, not everything's a joke, Bob.
Have you ever had...
Have a serious conversation, Bob, about hot dogs and Gatorade.
Oh, hold on.
This is the dramatic podcast?
Yeah.
This part about hot dogs and Gatorade, some, hold on. This is the dramatic podcast? Yeah. This part about hot dogs and Gatorade,
some things need to be taken seriously, Bob.
Hot dogs and Gatorade.
Hot dogs, this is my flesh.
Gatorade, this is my blood.
It's like I'm the Lord.
But hot dogs is made of people,
like Soylent Green.
Yeah.
Lips and assholes,
the two best parts.
Everyone's like,
I don't want to put those in my mouth when they're hot dogs
But every other time of the day
That's all you want
Have you ever said that before?
Swear to me you haven't
No, I haven't said that before
Lips and assholes is a great name if you have twins
Alright, Jeff Oh, I do have something to plug Oh, well, you know, we do that at the end wins. All right.
Oh, I do have something to plug.
Oh, well, we do that at the end, traditionally.
I mean, I don't want to. I was just saying I did.
Okay. I don't intend to.
I won't. You can't make me.
Jeff, what'd you bring for the prize bag
tonight? I brought a copy of my album.
It's called People Are Where People Make Them.
It's right here. Look at it.
It's a CD that you look at
and it will remind you that you can
listen to this on Spotify.
Why are there two more
copies sitting there? Well, I don't know
how the show's going to go.
And I might need to start putting more in.
I got them like an ante.
This is like my stack.
I just assumed you were going to be trying to sell
them after the show.
Man, I have like a hundred. I should have
brought more than three.
Well, these are
going for 50 bucks each tonight, you guys.
So line up after
the show.
John, I'm so
excited about this big bag of stuff that you brought.
It's a big bag.
Do they get to keep the bag?
Yeah, the bag is the thing.
Oh, okay.
It's a beautiful bag.
It's a bag.
Everyone needs a bag.
Man, I just bought a bag just like that fucking yesterday.
Did it have another bag in it?
Oh!
Two bagger.
It's a double bagger. Did it have two Cardinals hats in it? Oh! Two bagger. It's a double bagger.
Did it have two Cardinals hats in it?
No.
No, it didn't.
I don't care if you don't like the Cardinals.
Do it.
You don't have to use the hats.
You like the bag.
Did it have sunglasses in it?
No.
Oh, let me see one of those.
Someone went through his house and looked for swag.
Yes, I did.
Did it have a Jon Hamm
nightlight in it? No.
Did it have a weird thing that keeps
things dry in it? No.
Oh, I like to eat those.
Did it have a tag from The Gap
that says L on it? Probably not.
Maybe it did. Actually, maybe your bag did.
That's it. That's what you get.
That's an amazing win.
A lot of great stuff.
Oh, Dougie.
Oh, I like these bosses.
Can I trade one of these CDs for one of those sunglasses?
We'll see.
We'll see how the night goes.
And one of these bags? I got two CDs.
Well, I do have kind of a
you know, an unspoken rule that comes up every once in a while,
so I guess it's spoken, where if a guest on the panel wants something from the prize bag,
they can have it.
So, Jeff, here, take these sunglasses.
Yeah.
There's another sunglasses in the bag, so, you know, it'll work out all right.
It's like a Yankee swap of...
Yeah.
Very good. Very good.
Right now I'm in casino.
I love the way you threw that bag over here.
That's a really
nice gift. You really put a lot of thought
into that. What'd you bring, Bob?
Well, I
didn't know that...
This one's got a switch in the front.
It's similar to your gift, John,
but it's just a nightlight of my head.
So someone's going to have, in one outlet...
Oh, that's not...
One of us facing up and one of us facing down.
Oh, my God.
Maybe they could switch it out.
It depends upon the mood, I guess.
Does this still count?
Can I get both those nightlights, too?
I didn't know I was going to be out of 69.
You blew it on the sunglasses.
But thank you for helping me with that gift,
because I really had trouble picking one out.
I didn't tell Bob about the prize back part.
He didn't say anything, like, this is Hanukkah.
He didn't say that.
That's how many Jews are in here, like two.
I'm so scared of my own
life right now.
Of it? Of it.
So, of it I meant.
But this is
a lot of
stuff happening to my ancestors.
You must just walk around so confident because Netflix
doesn't really cancel shows per se.
No, they're out there.
Yeah, so you could say anything and they're not going to just yank your show.
Talk to the people over behind House of Cards.
Oh, no, see, this is where we don't want to go.
Oh, no, no, they just killed them all.
The show still kept going.
Yeah.
Right, but one person didn't.
John, it was always going to start falling apart.
Didn't you read the title?
It is a house of cards.
You're correct.
I should have seen it coming.
I was scared there was going to be a fuller house of cards was the joke that was going on.
I'm more than bothered to watch the new series Jenga.
Series?
That's a feature.
Oh, sequel to Tag. Yeahenga all right um and then hangman about a man who's well hung no there was just a movie called hangman without pacino
really yeah he's got a huge dick i guess you were were right. I don't know why I interrupted. I apologize.
These nightlights, the Jon Hamm and Bob Saget nightlights,
were supplied by a company called Glass Action,
which I discovered when I was in Austin, Texas,
and Martha Kelly had a nightlight that she put in the prize bag.
And you can get your own.
You can just reach out and get a nightlight
of yourself,
your pet,
your lover,
Bob Saget.
He's already made one.
He could probably do it again.
All of these are available
at the etsy.com.
Your thumb was covering it.
I thought it said
ass action.
I did not know.
Oh, the card?
Yeah,
which would be
a great company.
Yeah.
But this is... These are made of glass, not of ass.
You know what's bad about a podcast
is I can really hear the crickets.
Well, you know, you should have been on the show
when we were at Meltdown Comics.
They literally had crickets over there.
Etsy.com slash shop
slash, I gotta give this guy a good plug,
Glass Action.
Seriously, go get one for
someone you love.
They're pretty amazing.
Alright.
That's all going in the prize
bags. My lovely CVS bag
and John's show-offy bag
are going to be won by somebody tonight.
But first, before we do that, Bob,
I have a question for Jeff.
You're an astonishing interviewer.
Yeah, you're astonished that I get to do it?
No, it's just you're able to look at me,
but think about him.
You know.
That's how I live my life.
I'm never present.
Jeff,
what was the last movie you saw?
It was called Solo,
a Star Wars story.
Yeah.
How'd that work out for you?
I think it's the best one.
Finally, no Jedi.
Right, those guys are boring, it turns out.
You think it's the best Star Wars movie yet?
Yeah, man, it's the only one where anybody
fucking jumped on a moving train.
Yeah.
Man, you were really a sucker for trains.
Remember the little ranger,
how much you loved that fucking train?
Yeah.
Have you seen Thomas the Tank Engineanger? How much you love that fucking train? Yeah. Have you seen
Thomas the Tank Engine? I bet you'd enjoy that.
The stakes
are less high, but I watch Unstoppable
occasionally.
I like all sorts of train movies.
It was
Han Solo and Chewbacca and Lando and stuff.
It was fucking great.
A lot of nice callbacks to the
other movies.
Chewbacca as a youth?
Well, I mean, he's a little younger.
Less hair, would you say?
More of just a guy with more hair if you're younger.
He's several hundred years old. So in this movie, he's like 10 years younger.
So there's not like much difference.
Like it's not like those 10 years.
So John's probably right.
It would be more hair if he was younger
I'm sure
even Wookie
I mean it's weird
that it was
he was like 190
instead of 200
but he did seem
a little more spry
like maybe you're right
those 10 years
we're a real motherfucker
they were rough
yeah
rough
right I get it
wow yeah John Hamm he can do everything is there anything he can't do? Right, I get it. Wow.
Yeah, Jon Hamm, he can do everything.
Is there anything he can't do?
Comedy, drama, Chewbacca noise.
It also kind of sounds...
It's all just lips and assholes, everyone.
Chewbacca also sounds like a transport vehicle
in the Jetsons.
Do it again.
Oh, you got both.
Apparently, they're two different sounds, Doug.
Wish I could describe how happy Doug looks right now.
Oh, my God.
Tag in theaters on June 15th.
I don't want to kill the plug.
Go ahead.
Say it again.
Sorry.
Fuller House on Netflix for the rest of our goddamn lives.
No.
Everywhere you look.
There's a hand to hold on to.
That sounds like stranger danger.
Can you do Chewbacca on the transporter vehicle?
No, I can't.
It's two very different parts of the mouth.
And Jane vacuuming.
No, I got nothing.
Ah, shit.
All while drinking this Gatorade.
Come on.
Dude, wait.
Dude, and everyone right now is trying to do that.
I will also be in theaters June 15th
because I want to see Tag.
The original title was Tag, A Star Wars Story,
but that got hung up and legal for who knows why.
Well, that sounds legit. Star Wars story, but that got hung up and legal for who knows why. That sounds
legit.
Segway coming.
Jon Hamm, what was the last motion picture
you saw? I know you made it.
In the movie theater or on the plane?
Any format.
I think it was the...
Actually, no, I'll take it back.
I'll bring it on the Star Wars tip.
The Florida what?
We're all dying to know.
The Florida Panthers documentary?
The 2010 NHL Stanley Cup Finals?
He's fast, you guys.
He's fast.
Laugh into your mic, Jeff.
You're the only one laughing.
I went back because I was on a long flight
and I was like
I wonder if the original
three Star Wars
were as bad as
not the original three
the prequels
were as bad as I remember them
and so I watched
them back to back to back
and it turns out
they are that bad
and the additional thing is
finally it's been decided
but the first
were breakout digital movies
oh by my digital, we're digital.
And you realize you lost.
They do not hold up.
Three F stops is what you lost in that.
They do not hold up.
It was an interesting.
I only saw the first one in the cinemas,
and then I saw the other ones on cable.
Is that when Ewan McGregor falls off the thing
and slides down the thing?
Yes.
And you're still waiting for something to happen?
Yes.
Jeff still hasn't got around to seeing him,
so tiptoeing on those spoilers.
Spoiler alert, a hot dog's going to be in the Gatorade.
So those are the last movies I saw.
Sorry.
All right.
There was a Limp Bizkit album title,
something about hot dogs.
Hot dogs and Gatorade?
Hot dogs and hot dog water?
Hot dog water and...
Chocolate starfish and hot dog water? Hot dog water and... Chocolate starfish and hot dog water?
Hot dog...
Fuck Fred Dunst.
Kirsten's brother?
No, he's a good one.
Kirsten's brother.
Doug, you're thinking of...
No, Robert Durst's nephew.
Robert Durst's nephew, Fred.
What's he been up to?
Robert Durst can command your attention.
You can't take your eyes off of him.
It's mostly because of those rancid burps
that are coming your way.
Oh my God, he's got black marble eyes.
That guy scared the shit out of me.
Rancid burps.
I gotta write that down.
Is it too late to say fur-dunced?
Because they're always getting the R wrong
and Kirsten Dunst, fur-dunced.
It's too late, right?
It's durst.
I took my pen out, but I forgot what I was going to write down.
Rancid burps.
Oh, yeah.
Rancid burps.
Rancid burps.
Marble eyes.
Don't you find comedy, sometimes the shit you write down is like, what the fuck was that?
Yeah.
Like, the next day.
And you still try to make it work.
I know.
So it's hard.
Is it hard to sleep at night, John?
Yeah, I don't know how we do it.
Bob, I always get it to work.
I don't.
None of it works.
I don't even get well on the album.
Oh, it's a bad set?
It's like 50-50.
People aren't on board the whole way.
Why not try again with another crowd?
I mean, I had to piece it together over a whole weekend to make it sound like this.
To get it to 50-50?
Yikes.
Bob Saget.
It's a rough name.
I grew up with it.
I'm fine with it.
It doesn't rhyme with anything bad.
I changed it. It used to be
Durst.
It was Robert Durst.
And I changed it because of that whole thing.
Yeah, you don't want to be called the worst.
Knock worst.
Too easy.
Knock worst in your Gatorade.
Have you seen a movie?
Yes. Oh, I know you're Have you seen a movie? Yes
Oh I know you're
About to make a documentary
Yes
Can you talk on that for a second?
Yeah
I actually just shot a film
And finished it
Called Benjamin
That's coming out in the fall
That's the reboot of the
Rat movie Ben?
No
This is the life and times Of H. John Benjamin? No It the rap movie, Ben? No. This is the Life and Times
of H. John Benjamin?
No.
It's a movie about
a single hundred dollar bill.
As it makes its way
around Los Angeles.
after he gets off the bus
at the end of The Graduate.
No, it's about a kid
that we think is on crystal meth,
but you find out
that people are...
Wait, you're telling us
to the end?
I'm telling you
the one-liner on it.
No.
Oh, no spoiler for me.
But the movie I'm working on right now is a documentary about Martin Mull,
because I love Martin Mull.
Martin Mull, everybody.
That guy's amazing.
He's an artist, is really what he is.
So he did all of his comedy.
His paintings are awesome.
His paintings are insane.
Just Google Martin Mull paintings.
And besides all the crazy, amazing comedy he did,
he's one of the first comedians I ever saw
When I was like 17
And I just love him
So we're interviewing tons of people
Eric Idle, Steve Martin, a lot of his contemporary people
And so that
We're just working on until we get it done
I don't know when it'll be
Fernwood Tonight was one of the best things ever
Him and Fred Wheeler
Some of it will not fly today.
I look for it constantly.
It's not anywhere.
No, you can't find it.
Fernwood Tonight, I fucking...
YouTube-able, but it is not.
But Norman Lear produced it.
Check out YouTube, Jeff.
It doesn't have, like...
It has, like, clips.
It doesn't have whole episodes.
You should check YouTube.edu, though,
because this is where you'll get more of the good stuff.
He's correct.
You can get full episodes on there.
I found them.
I sat behind Martin Mull at the movies once when I was out here visiting,
and I saw Wayne's World at the Third Street Promenade,
and Martin Mull sat in front of me, and he didn't take his hat off the whole time.
Not even during the anthem?
No.
He took a knee.
He took a knee. Took a knee.
Weirdly, he took it off
all through Bohemian Rhapsody.
That trailer looks really good, that Bohemian Rhapsody
movie with Mr. Robot.
Who is
Freddie Mercury in that?
Mr. Robot.
Fred Dunst.
Have you seen a movie lately? I have.
I've been catching up on television
stuff. And I'm late
to the program, but I really did
enjoy Black Panther.
So good.
Really good.
That's the only people that enjoyed it, apparently,
because it made a billion dollars or
something. Yeah. But I just...
Did quite well.
But they're, you know...
Number one movie of the year so far,
but these other ones, man, there's some big ones.
Yeah.
Tag in theaters June 15th.
Tag looks literally fun as hell.
I'll be there.
Tag.
Jeff will see it.
Going on the one sheet.
Going on the one sheet.
John's publicist
is so happy right now
That doesn't have it
and Tag doesn't have
like a scene where
there's a woman on a trapeze
urinating on everybody
does it?
It's not one of those
No
I mean we shot one
So you're saying
there's a chance
on the Blu-ray
Yeah you might get it
in a deleted scene
It's hot
This is the part of the show Bob where I tell my friend Bert Kreischer to turn it off on the Blu-ray. Yeah, you might get it in a deleted scene. It's hot.
This is the part of the show, Bob,
where I tell my friend Bert Kreischer
to turn it off
because he doesn't like trivia.
And then I say,
let the games begin!
We got lots of people
with posters, name tags,
call them what you will.
A lot of them are movie puns
using their own name.
A lot of them have faces of me using their own name a lot of them have
faces of me and other guests that are frequently on the show getting more and more this is just
impressive yeah awesome so uh fellas get up and go pick uh whoever you want to play for just grab
it from them and bring it back to your seat and while you do that we'll do this we're going to go to a brief message hey everybody there's no sponsor for this episode so i just want to take a second to say
thank you so much for listening and supporting the show over the years and coming to the live shows
this was an awesome one and the next show in la will be on June 26th
and I've lined up some pretty cool people for that one as well.
So keep coming, Los Angeles.
I'll see you in Austin on Saturday,
Houston the Saturday after that,
Pittsburgh later this month.
Lots of dates coming up for Douglas movies and stand-up,
but if it's a stand-up show, be sure to bring your name tags
because we will play Last Man Stanton
or some game from the show with audience members who bring name tags.
All right, enough of my yakking.
Back to this amazing episode.
All right, we're back, and that was a very pain-free process, picking those, I feel.
I pick for Jeff now because he just doesn't want to do it.
He feels bad when he has to pick one.
And we went with Christine with a chance of meatballs.
Yes, it's great.
I would have picked a much shittier one.
What an accident.
I think we did a good job together, Jeff.
I appreciate it. This is fantastic. I love one. What an accident. I think we did a good job together. Yeah, I appreciate it.
This is fantastic.
I love it.
Congratulations, Christine.
And I hope you get meatballs.
This is going to be
a tough competition tonight, though.
I'm not going to call the winner just yet.
Right, Bob?
Right.
Yeah.
What do you got there, John?
I picked it because
this is one of my favorite movies.
The right Steve
based on the right stuff. The right stuff, yeah. And I think it's this is one of my favorite movies ever, but the right Steve based on the right stuff.
The right stuff, yeah.
And I think it's all him in the spacesuits.
Or maybe there's just a bunch of Steves in there.
It's all about
Steves. Yeah, they're all Steves.
Gotta be all Steves.
Yeah, I don't see Steve Jobs.
That would be a logical one to put in there.
Looks like the usual Steve Specs.
What do you got, Bob?
I have one that looks just like your...
There's something about it I like.
I know.
Don't take it off.
You're ruining a beautiful poster.
Doug stole the weed that was in a vial
that was just under Thor, who had a haircut.
For the new Avengers, Jason Finity wore.
And there's also a Starburst tape to it, which is pink.
Anybody want that?
It's a whole, just all pink ones?
No.
Is that what they do now?
No, I think this is the new one.
One flavor?
I don't eat, it's fave reds.
Oh, yeah, fave reds.
So it's all reds.
About time, Starburst.
No one was down with the oranges.
I'll just put them in the prize bag.
None of you guys want them.
You just got a new sponsor.
Pot.
And Starburst.
Oh, this is called Fave Reds.
So it's all just the ones that are reddish.
You're going to have fun listening to this back.
It says it right there, fav-reds.
Oh yeah, I'm aware.
Is this show always like Lenny of Mice
and Men moderated?
Just shut up, Bob, and tell me
about the rabbits.
Can I pet it, George?
Don't touch the children.
Uh-oh.
Wow, so this movie looks...
Everything.
Ron Perlman's got a big head.
That's not Ron Perlman.
That's Josh Brolin.
It is?
Mm-hmm.
What did he go through?
Josh Groban is in The Avengers?
It's not Josh Groban.
Josh Groban sings,
Oh Holy Night,
and it saves the universe.
Right after the snap.
And it brings everybody back.
Avengers Infinity War II,
Groban sings.
Boy, I thought Ron Perlman,
I was excited for Ron Perlman
until I saw this poster.
I know, Ron Perlman seems like
a very, very cool dude.
Yeah, he was Hellboy,
for Christ's sake.
Whoops. For Christ's sake!
You know, why'd you have to point that out? I was trying
to let that skittle by.
He was Hellboy,
for Christ's sake. He was
Hellboy, for Christ's sake.
They're both from the same book.
It says favorites right there.
Alright, we got some games to play, They're both from the same book. It says favorites right there. All right.
We got some games to play
and a show to apologize to
that's going on after us,
but things are running late here tonight at UCB
and that's how we like it.
What do you say we do some lines with Mark?
Yeah!
Fuck it!
Fuck it, do this shit!
Hey, uh... Hey there, Mark Wahlberg.
I ate in a, uh...
I ate in a
Wahlbergers in the Toronto
airport. You're welcome.
How are you guys doing?
You doing good?
Fucking A-Wall.
What's up, LA?
What's up, Doug?
How are you doing?
How many wall burgers
do you have now?
We got 22.
Yeah?
Fucking A-Doo.
What's your favorite one?
Next week, that fucking lava would stop. What? Fuckin' A, dude. We're about to open a Walu next week
if that fuckin' lava
would stop.
What?
Oh, you wanted to open
one in Hawaii?
Fuckin' A, dude.
Put one on the fuckin' island.
Let's do it.
Write this shit off.
What's up, BS?
Why do you...
Fuck, dude.
Good to fuckin' see you, man.
I seen you at fuckin'
Entourage days.
Yeah, yeah.
You crushed that shit, bro.
Well, thanks for saying that.
You were always very nice to me.
Dude, you were like
the family dog.
We open up the door,
you come runnin' in and fuckin' up the door, you come running in and fucking
love it. Thank you.
And it was nice of you to wear that cod
piece from Boogie Nights for me. Fucking heck, I have to
otherwise it's too big.
You wear that
to make it smaller? I got to it.
It intimidates people.
When they shot the movie, they're like, we're going to have to digitize this
shit. And I'm like, if you have to make it smaller, go ahead.
What's with the facial hair?
You got a role coming up
where you need to be bearded?
Yes, sir.
Lone Survivor 2.
How would that work?
That doesn't...
You have a new group of guys
who all die?
Dude, I go back
and spend an hour and a half
looking for one other dude
that thought he was the lone survivor
and I kill that motherfucker.
Hey, that sounds terrible
awesome dude oh man so like ben foster hold up under a bush for two years until you show up
i'm getting him it's just me dude the that kid from varsity blues or whatever the
it was yeah yeah yeah taylor clips sure yeah yeah what the is john carter i killed that dude
Sure, yeah, yeah. What the fuck is John Carter?
I fucking killed that dude.
John Carter of Mars?
Yes, dude.
What's up, J.H.?
How are you?
I'm good, dude.
It's good to see you.
It's a fucking good idea
you didn't add me
to this fucking show, bro.
It'd be too much, dude,
on this fucking table.
What's happening now?
Sometimes I gotta lower
my fucking aura, dude.
I gotta lower my aura.
Are you gonna do another Transformers movie?
Fuck yeah.
Because I hate those.
We're doing another one.
All right.
Transformers.
One more.
We might do two more after that.
Hey, Mark.
I've seen the...
What's Mile 22 about?
Fucking Mile 22, dude.
It's like one scene from Fast and the Furious
if those movies were good.
I thought Mile 22 was just
all of your Wahlburgers lined up in a row.
It's also the amount of running
I do before breakfast.
Why do you say it backwards like that?
What's that, mile 22?
Yeah, is that how you write it?
Mile 22.
Because when I get done, I yell it out to everybody who will fucking listen.
Donnie's in the pace car, and he writes it down.
Mark, what does this say right here?
Favorites.
Favorites.
Says from Cincinnati.
Here's how this game works Mark is going to say a line
From a motion picture
Mark is going to perform a line
From a motion picture
And
You guys all just get a guess
As often as you like
Please no audience guesses
We've got a very excitable crowd tonight
That gets this very special experience.
Thanks for coming back, dude.
It's been fucking good, man.
I've been busy as fuck right now.
What?
Did you think I asked you how you've been?
Yeah.
I think I said thanks for coming back.
It's been fucking busy as fuck, dude.
Oh, okay.
I've been so busy lately.
We had to have a housewarming party for Donnie.
It took two weeks.
I found out all it was was an Airbnb.
I'm like, what the fuck, dude?
Do you want to do another take of that one?
Isn't that what it's called?
Airbnb, Airbnb, Airbnb?
I don't know how poor people live.
What happens with the extra B?
You fucking tell me, poor people.
What's an Airbnb, Airbnb, Airbnb?
It's a bring your own bed and breakfast.
Is that what it is?
It's a B-Y-O-B-N-B.
Whatever poor people do to
pretend they have a loft in Houston for the weekend.
Yeah! Houston!
We all love Houston!
Yeah, I'll be there June 9th.
Alright, so
Mark is going to say a line from
a motion picture and it's not necessarily one of his own.
I think we got through a lot of those.
The classics.
Yes.
So, yeah, guess as often as you like, guys, until somebody gets it.
And I don't know what it's going to be.
I'm very excited.
And be.
And be.
And be.
Oh, God. Yeah, God. Yeah, God. be I'm very excited and be and be you feel good he says that before he says the line don't you don't have to guess about that part the fighter not to self. Learn to fight. Dirty work.
It is fucking dirty work.
Oh, shit, Bob!
Fucking A, GT.
Fuck.
Suck, dude.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Where was that in dirty work?
Directed by Bob Saget.
I directed that movie.
I have no memory of that.
It was when Norm got thrown through the window.
Jeff knows what it was.
It was when Norm got thrown through the window
and then right before they did their first revenge
on the frat guys.
He says,
Not to self.
He says,
Not to self.
Oh yeah, act it out.
Learn to fight. I see. Note to self. Oh, yeah, act it out. Learn to fight.
I see.
Fucking A, dude.
The reason I didn't understand,
he goes, learn to fight.
That's how he says it.
Yeah, see, Mark is an actor
who does it his way.
Method thing.
Learn to fight.
I see.
How would you say,
that's the Saigon whore
that bit my nose off?
That was Chris Farley's line. How would you say that? the Saigon whore that ate that bit my nose off that was Chris Farley's line
how would you say that
R.I.P.
that
that's the Saigon whore
that bit my nose off
yeah I'll take it yeah That's the thing, I hardly bit my nose on. Yeah.
I'll take it.
Mark Wahlberg, everybody.
Rush that.
I'm going to go pick a fight.
Don't start any fights out there.
What's up with you, motherfucker?
Are you looking at me?
It's a nice neighborhood.
Don't do that.
Oh, man.
Come here, you hoodie-wearing motherfucker.
Hey, that's probably my brother, man.
Hey, cool it, Mark.
That's probably my brother.
Your brother's here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is he the other one in this picture?
Yes, he's the other one in that picture.
He caught up to me height-wise.
What's he up to now?
I mean, we can ask him later.
He works at a restaurant.
B&B&B. He works at a restaurant. B&B&B.
He works at an Airbnb&B.
Jeff gets to go first in our next game.
Oh, man.
It's called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture to Jeff Tate.
He's going to guess what movie it's from.
If he gets it wrong, it moves to John and then to you, Bob.
You got it?
I understand.
What movie, Jeff Tate, has the tagline,
Dream large, live larger.
Dream large, live larger.
I remember Peter Herman's movie,
The Big Adventure.
Peewee's Big Adventure,
the tagline
was Dream Marge, Live Marge.
I fucked that up. Dream Marge,
Live Marge, favorites.
Alright, so...
What do you think it is, Jeff?
I think it's Larger Than Life.
Oh, the Bill Murray Elephant that you did in Garofalo.
Yes.
Nope.
Jon Hamm, what do you think?
Dream large.
I was an extra in that movie.
Live larger.
And Larger Than Life?
No, the other one.
The other elephant movie.
Nickel and Dimed with Matthew McConaughey.
I take it all back.
There were like four elephant movies that year.
Operation Dumbo Drop?
Operation Dumbo Drop.
Larger Than Life. The Elephant Drop? Operation Dumbo Drop. Larger than life.
The Elephant Man?
And The Elephant Man.
There's a real run of elephant movies there for a while.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
There's an elephant.
And that one.
I mean, there's not that many.
All right, we're gunga done.
What's your guess?
Dream large, live larger?
Dream large, live larger.
Dream large, live larger.
I feel like it's some movie about somebody who changes size.
But it's not Ant-Man, so I don't care.
Honey, I shrunk the kids. No, it's not that. All right so I don't care.
Honey, I shrunk the kids.
No, it's not that.
Alright. Not a terrible guess.
Dude, what if it's that Florida Panthers DVD you were watching?
That was their
tagline.
Bob Sagat,
I love your restaurant guides.
Yeah.
I met him in an elevator in New York
and I said, you know, we could be related
somehow. And he said, we're not.
Why? Because he's into spelling?
He was like the community
chess guy in Monopoly. He was just
totally an asshole.
Why would that guy be?
Yeah, exactly. Jeff and I are both angry
about that.
Okay.
Say the title.
It doesn't hand you money.
Live large.
I mean, dream large.
Doesn't matter.
Dream large, live larger.
My first thought is not a movie.
It's my 600-pound life.
But I guess I would say,
I got no guess,
but I'll say The Clumps.
Hmm.
Full title, Nutty Professor 2, The Clumps?
Yeah.
No.
It's from a movie.
We were talking about it just earlier
that you appear in called Entourage
oh yeah
why is this
all directed at me
is this some
I didn't know
what Mark was gonna do
he could have done
a line from the town
just a practical joke
got the accent for it
alright
that was in that movie
you're right
you're right
that was the
yep
there you go I researched this stuff thoroughly just ask That was in that movie. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah.
There you go.
I researched this stuff thoroughly.
Just ask Anna Faris.
Jeff, here's the next one.
For some reason, when you guys look at me, it's worse.
There's two different taglines for this movie.
I'm going to tell you both of them.
It's not one long tagline that has the word and in the middle.
This time, the butler did do it.
And.
That would be the weirdest tagline It's a killer
It's
This time the butler did do it
And it's a killer
Is it clue?
I will give you a thousand dollars if you say the right answer
Is it
No clue is incorrect
John
No I said is that a clue the movie clue is who done it
clue done it John what are those starring Martin this time the butler did it yeah farted it's a killer would work for that that was the second word it's a
killer yeah it's a killer definitely a fart definitely yeah these are terrible
taglines I think I saw this movie and I don't even know what. I guess I understand the second one. I got nothing.
Heart condition.
Heart condition.
Jeff.
I told you to be cool in front of me.
I tried.
I made it like an hour. Oh, they're panelists.
What do you think, Bob?
Do you have any idea what that is?
Well, just randomly thinking of that kind of thing.
Murder on the Orient Express?
No.
No butlers?
These are the...
The Jerry Butler movie?
These are the taglines, John,
for a movie called Tag.
The Assassination Game.
Different movie, you guys.
Different movie.
I thought you were really smart.
This movie is just Tag,
and there's an older movie with
Robert Carradine,
Linda Hamilton,
and Frasier Smith
called Tag the
Assassination Game.
And Frasier Smith?
Frasier Smith.
You see him all the
time at the comedy
store, right?
I just cannot believe
that you do all this
research.
I am so impressed.
You know, the
internet really,
yeah, it really
makes it easy.
All right, one last one.
We've got one that Bob is in.
We've got one that's a cheat on John's new film tag.
So what do you think is going to happen now?
Jeff?
I don't know.
If there's a movie called Queensryche. It not what he knows it's what he understands
come on oh what do you know it yes you know it yes it's not what he knows
somebody understands and it's me.
It's something about me. I didn't say that. I just
said the other two were about these guys. They have
a lot more film credits, so maybe
might have gone back to one
of their wills. Alright, if you could
describe me in one word,
what would it be?
Is it also the name of a movie?
It's not in this title.
You look just like the Osterman weekend.
The Poseidon Adventure.
Fuck.
I don't know, man.
I feel terrible.
It's cool.
You don't have to know it.
Is it?
What was it again?
They didn't know the ones that were based for them.
I mean, and that was only in one movie.
Is it that one?
No.
Because I'm not aware of that.
Yeah, right?
You should have waited to give him that research compliment.
Is it the Osterman weekend?
What is it?
I can't even remember what the tagline is.
It's not what he knows.
The tagline is...
Is it the man who knew too little?
No.
It's not what he knows.
It's what he understands.
Jon Hamm?
Is it Little Man Tate?
That is correct.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jon wins that game.
But we had a tiebreaker, Bob,
and I'll just run it by you and see if you know it.
The tiebreaker is they put the F-U back in fun.
It's not an Olsen twins movie, right?
They put the F-U back in fun.
Yeah, I wrote this down before I came down here.
I didn't know what Mark Wahlberg was going to do.
Is there a Piven involved in this?
He's a loose cannon.
No, it's not the goods, whatever that movie was called.
Right.
They put the FU, or PCU.
PFU.
PF Chang. F you back in fun um listen i'm just gonna oh i don't want to torch you anymore 50 shades of gray no dirty work dirty
work dirty work dirty work listen this isn't a torch but i doug we might be making a sequel so
maybe i should read up on it Bob I have a question
regarding Dirty Work
did you
when you were shooting
Dirty Work
and you made
oh shit we're out of time
our next game
and you
and you spoofed
that Third Eye Blind video
did you think
I bet this song's
gonna be around forever
or do you no I thought it was appropriate it was a hit it was bet this song's going to be around forever?
No, I thought it was appropriate. It was a hit.
It was about to be a number one
hit. I love it.
I think Dirty Work is...
But I also got Green Day
to give me some music and stuff like that.
That song's about heroin addiction, isn't it?
Crystal Meth.
Right? But it's real fun.
It's a real fun upbeat
summertime song
about Crystal Meth
I barely know anything
about anything
I've ever done
clearly
is there a lot of
footage of Don Rickles
being too racist
for the movie
like at the end
there's a lot of
footage of Don Rickles
because I actually
ran
two cameras
I shot a week's
worth of
35mm film
on letting
Don Rickles just ad-lib
and insult Artie Lang and Norm.
Oh, man.
And I got in trouble,
because they said,
you used the budget for the week of film.
I said, there's no other way to shoot the guy.
You can't just use him scripted.
So he was pretty priceless.
So do you have that footage?
I don't personally have it.
Damn.
But we can get ahold of it.
Have you seen any of the dirty Mr. Potato Head outtakes?
No.
Let's play our final game of the evening.
It's called Last Man Stanton.
You're going to love this, Bob, because it's probably not going to be about you.
I love that. But I can't believe this is ending so quick.
This is really fun.
It goes by fast.
It's really fun.
Yeah, it's the rocket train of podcasts.
Listen to any other podcast.
It's boring as fuck.
This one zips along.
I don't talk enough shit about other podcasts.
I really enjoy it.
Okay, so Last Man Standing, basically how this works is I'm going to get a pre-selected audience member
to tell me the name of a well-known actor or actress,
and then the three of you,
starting with John, who won that last game,
and then we'll go to Jeff and then to you, Bob,
so you really get the swing of it by the time it gets to you.
Thank you.
And just take turns naming movies that that person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
But if you want to, one time, you can go to your lifeline,
which is the person whose name tag you chose.
You can ask them once for help.
All right?
Yeah.
There's a person in the audience
that somehow managed to get the Twitter name Scambi.
S-C-A-M-B-I.
That's not it.
It's me.
It's not Scambi?
It's Scambul with an L.
Scambul with an L.
Yeah.
I'm glad we cleared that up.
Because that
other name was ridiculous.
Scamby? What the fuck is that?
Scampy? Bad shrimp scampy.
But Scamble? You kidding me?
I love that show. I'm sad it went off the air.
I love Kerry Washington and Scamble.
Alright, so do you have a suggestion for us?
Yes.
Thank you.
Moving on.
Scamble, what do you think?
Rob Schneider.
Rob Schneider.
That's an interesting one.
Let's see if another audience member can help us out.
I'm going to write down Schneids,
because he deserves our respect,
but where is O.K.'s...
Does he?
Shut up, Jeff.
Where is O.K.'s happy hour?
Right here.
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
Why are you called O.K.'s happy hour?
It's a show I co-host.
For the listeners,
his answer was actually
pretty awesome.
It's a show.
Yeah.
Cool.
Yeah, it's a drunk
cooking show on YouTube.
Drunk cooking show
on YouTube.
Yeah.
I like two of those things.
Tubes.
Tubes. Tubes
and you.
Alright, let me give you
one more plug for your
podcast, The Scamble Hour.
What's your suggestion for
a name today?
Denzel Washington.
Denzel Washington.
Oh, my God.
That's off the charts a great one.
Let's just forget that that whole scramble never happened.
But you can...
Let's do Rob Schneider and Denzel Washington.
So you can pick from either of their filmographies.
Films they were in, films they directed.
I don't know if Rob Schneider's directed anything.
I understand.
I'm not just blankly staring at you.
Okay.
I just, like, can't wait for somebody to have a nightlight of that face.
I hope they sit on it.
In their home.
I want to cauterize their butt.
It's made of glass.
That is very dangerous.
Okay.
Don't sit on my face, then.
John gets to go first.
The films of Rob Snyder and Denzel Washington.
Go.
And it's or, not and.
What?
Because I don't know if I could get the one that they starred in.
He doesn't know the I could get the one that they started.
He doesn't know the difference between or and and.
I'll go Roman J. Israel Esquire.
Oh, I would have saved that one.
It just came out.
Okay.
Of your mouth.
Roman J.
I'm not even going to write the whole thing down.
We know who you're talking about. Right, we got it.
We don't need all that.
That's what I was going to say. J. down. We know who you're talking about. Right, we got it. We don't need all that. That's what I was going to say.
JF.
Oh, so you're out of luck.
No, I mean, Denzel has been in a bunch of movies.
Right.
Yep.
I can't wait for EQ2.
Oh, me neither.
That looks awesome.
I didn't know where you had it first.
That's what they're calling it.
What?
Unstoppable.
Oh, yeah.
We already mentioned it earlier.
That's great. People on trains. I like to play along on this one
Bob
And speaking of trains
Training day
Yeah
That deserved more
But you know what
LA shuts down at 1030
That was Ethan Hawke as well
Correct
Academy award nominated We asked him to do this show He said no 10.30. That was Ethan Hawke as well, correct? Ah, Academy Award
nominated. There you go. Ethan Hawke.
We asked him to do this show. He said, no.
Maybe
after he hears this one.
But you asked him in such a normal way.
You should have asked him, what if you did this podcast
once a year on this day
every year for the next 15 years?
And then we release them all
on that day.
I bet he'd agree to that.
Which of his movies is that a reference to?
Boyhood.
Wow, you lost confidence in that.
You should tell him that his friend is going to kill himself.
That's from Dead Poets Society.
Or just get Denzel Washington
to do the podcast and he can sit right next to him.
Oh my God. I bet Ethan Hawke
would do it if Denzel did it. I bet they'd do it
together. Yeah, you just
got to trick one of them.
Then you're golden.
Your only chance here Is a hostage
Oh real
To get
Bob's just excited to be here
Because I told him
There would be ham
I didn't realize
He meant you were
Going to be here
Yeah right
You're just
I don't get ham a lot
You're excited for the spread
Yeah
Alright whose turn is it
What's happening
Oh I said training day
It's your turn Bob
And it's either or
Either Rob Schneider,
the great Rob Schneider, or
Denzel Washington. I'll say
a title that is very close because
I've lived it so many times. Flight.
Oh, yeah.
You were a drunk pilot at one point? Yeah.
And the only way to get out was a lot of cocaine.
Sure. He made a few
pilots while he was in the Emirates.
But I landed safely every time
what's the drunkest you ever did
in America's top funniest home videos
I never did
I'm always sober one night
when you see people get hit in the nuts
and you're talking to America at 7 o'clock at night
and you're 30 years old
you're sober
it was shot live
but it was not live
we did one live
oh we did the $100,000 thing live.
Oh, that thing.
I don't remember it.
I tried to block it out by getting drunk since.
Good deal.
Yeah.
Back to John.
Deuce Bigelow, male gigolo.
Oh.
You got that whole title out there.
I like it.
Jeff?
John Q. got that whole title out there. I like it. Jeff? John
Q.
He brought up
hostage situations. I remember.
Oh, smart.
Somebody brought up Rob Schneider, so I'm going to say
the hot girl.
Oh, I fucked it up.
Hot chick. I'm out. You Hot chick. I'm out.
You're out.
I'm out.
Bob?
A movie I really loved, actually.
Glory.
Oh, yeah.
He won an Oscar for that, I believe.
He did indeed.
John?
A lot of 54.
Fences.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
The Donald Trump story.
Walls.
Close enough.
Whatever it is, it's not getting made.
There it is.
You do good when you're out.
Oh, man. So high.
Pressure's off.
Fallen.
Oh, yeah.
With John Goodman speaking of fallen.
That's about my testicles.
Good night, everybody.
Bobby.
Deuce Bigelow European Gigolo.
Oh, my goodness.
Is there a two in there?
I guess Deuce covers that.
He should have called it Deuce Deuce.
All right, John.
The Ridiculous Six.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
Those guys are crazy.
They're ridiculous.
Yeah.
And there were six of them.
Yeah, it was going to be the Ludicrous Six, but that guy sued.
Ludicrous?
I couldn't think of his real name.
Chris?
Something for Chris Bridges?
He sued.
Jeff?
Two Guns.
Oh, man.
I wonder if Mark Wahlberg's still around.
Two Guns is dope, Mark.
He's gone.
This one I'll cheer everybody up.
Philadelphia.
Philadelphia.
Yes.
This is so funny.
John.
Oh, brother.
I'm just going to have to start naming him Sandler movies now.
Blended.
Pretty good shot.
I'll say that he was in Blended.
I'm sure he was.
The corrections department
could deal with it later.
Jeff?
Are you guys really
not going to say
Denzel movies?
We haven't said
The Equalizer yet.
No.
We have not.
I said EQ.
EQ 2.
The Equalizer. The Equalizer. it's so funny seeing him in that bunny costume bob
remember the equalizer rabbit
no No.
ER wasn't a movie, right?
Not yet.
I think you mean staying elsewhere,
and the answer is still no. Oh.
Gives you the idea how up I can be.
Come on, Denzel.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't be racist, man.
How dare you.
Can I check my phone real quick?
I'm expecting a call.
A call from Denzel.
Man, I feel like
you've done this before.
Yeah.
Do you want to go
to your lifeline? Say what? Your lifeline?'ve done this before. Yeah. Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Say what?
Your lifeline?
Yeah, lifeline.
Yeah.
So that would be this.
Infinity Wars.
Yeah.
Right here.
Yeah.
Hey, dude.
Pelican brief.
Ooh.
I'm actually wearing them right now.
I should have thought of that.
Pelican brief.
The pelican brief.
Thank you.
Thank you, lifeline. Say it, Bob. Pelican brief. The pelican brief the pelican brief thank you thank you
say it bob pelican brief the the pelican yes it needs a the oh yeah it does okay
the pelican very strict around here i got thrown out for saying something that
wasn't the word chick hot girl hot girl i'm. I'm out. So you got to say dub.
That's why we have rules.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you for giving me that.
That's why rules exist.
Job?
Billy Madison.
Oh.
We got a confirmation in there.
Jeff?
The Magnificent Seven.
I wish I would have said that after he said Ridiculous Six.
Because then somebody would have said Hateful Eight and been wrong.
Yeah.
Don't say it, Bob.
It's not right.
It's not right, Bob.
I'm not wrong.
I'm not wrong.
And I feel like we were in the exact position.
I want to say Grown Ups.
Yeah, why not?
Yeah, there you go.
Say it.
All right, Grown Ups. Nope. Nope. I want to say grown-ups. Yeah, why not? Say it. Alright, grown-ups.
No, I didn't say it. I said I want to say it.
I think he is in it, actually.
He is in the first one. It's the second one he's not in.
I want to say grown-ups, too.
Don't.
Don't say it.
You've learned my secrets.
Oh, God. There's one that I can't think of't say it. You've learned my secrets. Oh, God.
There's one that I can't think of the name of.
Denzel played the bad guy, and Russell Crowe was in it.
Oh, right.
Oh, man.
I feel like we did this one second ago.
It made me think of three titles at once.
Yeah, because I feel like...
Yeah, because Denzel's got a lot of movies like that where you're like okay if you say so Denzel all right I'm going
lifeline where's my guy you got my flame I'm gonna go with home alone 2 lost in
New York okay yeah Rob's Denzel's bit one of Denzel's best Rob best. Rob Schneider's like a bellman in the hotel with Tim Curry
and the pigeon lady.
Jeff?
Man on
fire. Oh, yeah.
I like that one.
What do you think, Bob? Are you out?
I got one
that I forgot about. Okay, perfect.
Courage under fire. Yes.
That was with Melanie Griffith and Ed Zwicker. You said it like we've been talking about. Okay, perfect. Courage Under Fire. Yes. That was with Melanie Griffith
and Ed Zwicker.
You said it like we've been talking
about other things under fire.
Courage Under Fire.
Why didn't you get it from fire?
Originally, man discovered
or woman discovered fire
before movies.
I like that.
Let's give women credit for fire. I mean I mean that is true I think it's possible
women created fire yeah it's definitely possible yeah cuz they're hot Bob they'll
take my show away they'll take his show he doesn't have yet they gave you a show
yeah
I'm trying to get
a show for
as one of those people
who's too fat
to leave their house
I'm like
I'm pitching it
while I can still
get around
I had to watch
that show
with my daughters
that is
a painful thing
that
I had to watch that show with my daughters. That is a painful thing.
Had to?
To quote Doug.
John?
50 first dates.
Oh, okay.
I got a nod and a yes. He played like a Mexican dude or something.
Or Hawaiian.
He was Hawaiian.
I'm going to say Hawaiian he was Hawaiian do you have I'm gonna say
apologies to all
people of both types
apologies to everyone
that has ever
had anything to do
with Rob Schneider
Virtuosity
come on
no he's a fine
Virtuosity is
Denzel and
Russell Crowe
Russell
Virtuosity
I was on some like
Sim City 2.0 wasn on something like SimCity.
2.0, wasn't it?
SimCity, that's it.
2.0, hackers?
What do you think, Bob?
Is it over for you? Is this the end of the road?
It's been an incredible journey.
Are you talking career or this game?
Hold your head up high. You finished
top three this game.
Out of four. Now I'm thinking of a Sandler movie and just say it he's in it and it's a
tropical and look I like 50 first dates kind of like that blended what I did was
an after that drew Barrymore she's in a few movies with him, yeah. Yeah, man. She was in The Wedding Singer.
I don't think Schneider was in The Wedding Singer.
No, I don't either.
They were taking a break.
Well, I hate dead air, so I probably should fold,
because I don't want to keep this going too long.
No, but it's been super fun playing with you,
and we'll give you another chance someday.
Well, I can't wait until my movie Tag comes out.
Assassination game?
This time the butler
did do it.
And it's a killer.
It's a killer queen.
I auditioned. I didn't get it.
Thank you.
So how does this work?
They're still going?
These gentlemen? You'll have to learn the whole Queen catalog
for that one scene in Baby Driver.
The whole Queen catalog.
All right.
Sheer heart attack.
Whose turn is it?
Oh, it's on John
It's on me
Yeah
Please don't let Jeff win
Please don't Jeff
Why?
Okay let him win
I'm not gonna let him win
Don't let me win
I like the fire
Got virtuosity though
That bums me out
Ow
Oh we're still talking about virtuosity?
I feel like we're always talking about it
What's that?
You ever have that feeling
you've done this before?
Are you trying to
give him an answer?
No.
Like Groundhog Day? That's not a movie that either one of those people was in
no um i i got nothing he's trying to get you to say deja vu oh oh that's that is what it's called
yeah yeah i couldn't think of it but do I'd love to. Do you want to say that, John? Deja vu. Okay, John says deja vu.
All right.
All right, Jeff, it's your turn.
I'm out.
What?
Liar.
Liar.
I was going to say Crimson Tide.
Oh, that's a good one.
That is so good.
That is a good one.
Very good one.
Thank you.
You didn't say it, though, so you were going to say it.
What were you actually going to say?
Now do you want to give another clue?
What did I actually say?
Do you want to give John another clue now keep him in the
no no no no I think
John already used his lifeline
I did use my lifeline
Jeff didn't even go to his
hasn't even gone to his
give us all another clue Jeff
not a clue
you can do it
it's for sure
not gonna be a
Rob Schneider movie
I don't know anymore
the water
water boy
the water boy
that's the one
oh yeah
oh yeah that one
that's where the
you can do it
started
yeah that's what
that was what he was
alright
Jeff Tate is our winner
everybody that was what he was alright Jeff Tate is our winner everybody I was gonna say
Malcolm X
but I didn't know
how to make a hit
right
Mo Better Blues
alright so
Christine coming at your prizes
congratulations oh you're right there the great debaters No better blues. All right, so Christine coming at your prizes.
Congratulations.
Oh, you're right there.
The great debaters.
There you go.
Be careful with all that.
It's very valuable.
My lifeline doesn't get... Fragile.
He doesn't get nothing?
Oh, he's going to get something.
I forgot to tell you,
what are you doing for the rest of the night?
My daughters gave me a...
You are going out for drinks with this guy.
No, what are you going to show me?
I'm going to show you that my daughters bought me...
Because we're trying to wrap it up now.
From Tiffany's, they bought me this
in case I met a guy around here
or you made lascivious comments like that.
And it is from Tiffany's and it's a rape whistle.
So I am able to know
if he is...
Isn't that a great thing to throw in at the end?
Wait, is a rape whistle something only rapists can hear?
Is this how I find out?
Oh great, he's bringing around
all the rapists.
Lock the doors.
I'm scared.
Other people heard it, right?
No one here heard it.
I'm the only one that heard it.
It's from my kids.
You blow into it so that we know you got a kindred spirit in the room.
Me too, buddy.
Me too.
I see you.
Bob, what do you got to plug?
We got to get out of here.
Nothing.
Just my special Zero to Sixty is now on vinyl as well as on Amazon Prime.
Okay.
So you can buy the lotion with two clicks and the special.
I add a phonograph to your shopping cart and you'll be all set.
I thought vinyl would be cool.
Yeah, no, it is.
I wear it before I go to bed and blow my rape whistle.
I like that person that giggled at that horrible comment.
I just want to say what a pleasure it is to be with you guys.
This was really fun. Oh, that's very nice of you.
Nobody invites me to nothing and play games.
Yeah, it was fun.
Would you like to come back again sometime?
I would love it. I actually really had a good time.
Thank you.
I know when I have fun.
I'll see you in Austin, Texas this Saturday.
John Hamm in Tag
No Assassination Game
Not the Assassination Game
Thank you everyone
June 15th
Theaters near you
Let's break some records you guys
Or some vinyl
Jeff Tate
Hey
You got your little
You got your plugs ready to go?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't have many.
I got this album.
You can listen to it on Spotify
and all the other spots.
It's called People Are What People Make Them.
And if you type in Jeff Tate,
it'll take you to my other albums
and another guy's album.
So you'll figure it out.
Right?
Like some of the,
like none of the covers look like
it could be one or the other like it's like definitely me or him his are scary he sucks
nah he's nice whatever jeff with a j no he's it's his real name is jeffrey with a j but he
shortened it to jeff and spelled it spelled that with And it's like, well, what the fuck?
Now what do I do?
Because my whole Jeffrey is what starts with a G.
I got to have this.
You just fucking.
I got a whole thing.
Like, this is a can of worms, man.
This is such an issue.
Regardless, I'm sure he appreciates the plug.
I bet I sell him just as many records as I do me.
None. I'll be at Go Bananas in records as I do me. None.
I'll be at Go Bananas in Cincinnati June 28, 29, 30, and July the 1st.
And then that's it.
Book me.
My schedule just got freed up.
So let's do this.
I'll see you out on the road this summer.
We'll do some shows in various towns
Yes
Good luck everybody
Bob I saw Dirty Work five times in the theater
I hope you don't think I was roasting you
No that's really a big compliment
I love that movie
I think that movie is hilarious
We got screwed because it said on the poster
Coming soon
I mean it's no screwed
That's when you know you're in the shitter It came out a billion years ago Screwed because it said on the poster, coming soon. I mean, it's no screwed. Screwed's not very good.
That's when you know you're in the shitter.
It came out a billion years ago when Michael Jordan was playing his last two games in Chicago.
So it was made for 15-year-old boys.
So nobody saw the...
I was in my early 30s, but boy, I loved it.
I really enjoyed it.
And I hope that Gatorade and hot dog business is great for you.
Oh, yeah. I'm spending all my money on it. And I hope that Gatorade and hot dog business is great for you. Oh, yeah, I'm spending all my money on it.
What do you do on June 26th, Bob?
I think it's open.
I think you should be on every show at UCB from now on
because that's the next one we're going to do here.
Just say yes and then don't show up.
I just need to fill the place.
Oh, I'll commit to it and then something will come up.
Yeah, okay, perfect.
Like a death of an ant,
even though they're all dead.
Now here's how this works here at the end,
Bob. I'm going to say as a consolation prize that people wrote on the back of
their name tags, I'll call anyone they want
a shithead and that's what they're going to
win when I
close out the show.
I like this. Yeah, it's fun. They make me say things I close out the show. Yeah, I got it. I like this.
Yeah, it's fun.
It's really nice.
You can't wait to be here.
They make me say things I might not normally say.
I can't wait to be here June 35th.
One more time for Jeff Tate, John Hamm, and Bob Saget.
So good.
So much fun.
It's a killer.
Thank you guys for being here.
And as always,
MoviePass, for not allowing you to buy
tickets in advance, is a shithead.
Yeah, fuck them.
And this one, I agree, man.
This is getting really out of control.
The Sun is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another this is getting really out of control. The sun is a shithead.