Doug Loves Movies - Bobby Moynihan, Kate Micucci, Amy Miller and more guest
Episode Date: December 13, 2017Live from Largo in Los Angeles, Doug hosts the third 12 Guests of Christmas episode of the season with Amy Miller, Ramon Rivas II, Demi Adejuyigbe, Steve Kazee, Kate Micucci, Ari Graynor, Mar...k Ellis, Bobby Moynihan, Justin Long, Sean Jordan, Sean Sakimae, Joe DeRosa, Dave Waite and Samm Levine.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Do you listen to How Did This Get Made?
It's the podcast where June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas, and Paul Scheer pick an insane movie,
like the Nicolas Cage version of Wicker Man, and basically make fun of it.
But they also celebrate its weirdness.
Seriously, it's fun. I've been a guest a bunch of times I've talked about.
Roadhouse, Twilight, and just recently I recorded one
about Valerian
and the City
of a Thousand Planets
that will be plopping
soon. And they also
just put out an episode about The Room,
the greatest bad movie of all
time. Plus interviews with
James Franco, Seth Rogen, and Tommy
Wiseau about the new movie,
The Disaster Artist, which features all three of the hosts of How Did This Get Made. So if you
haven't listened in a while, you don't want to miss that episode. Subscribe to How Did This Get
Made, an Apple podcast, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. Enjoy the show!
Doug hates candy wrappers, green and baby sticky seats with
50 add-on popcorn kernels in his teeth. There's still not one
that he won't see, cause Doug loves
movies! Please. Hey, hello, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love the holidays.
This is Doug Loves Holidays.
I thought if there was one crowd that could take a last minute change in the wording that you guys would be talented enough to pull it off.
Here we are. It's night one of 12 Guests at Christmas West Coast Edition at Largo in Los Angeles.
It's Tuesday, December 12, 2017 And as far as I know
Roy Moore
Is no more.
But, you know, there's a lot of fake news out there.
But I had to say that just because it was such a relief to me.
I mean, tonight was going to be fun regardless, but seriously.
That was a shitty, that was a shitty warm-up act.
That one state in this country,
half of the people there are fine with electing a pedophile.
Oof.
But there's no proof!
Where's your proof?
Um, he was, it proof? I can't even
imagine being
told you can't come back to a mall.
That's intense.
Listen, I know you guys
have been naughty and nice
and have made a lot of amazing name tags.
I'm not going to ask to look at them now because we've got way too much show ahead of us to do that.
I don't know if you can tell because some of these are just stools that look like they might be for drinks.
But in fact, tonight, waiting patiently backstage, we have 14 guests.
So if one of your favorites isn't here tonight,
I don't know what you're doing with your life.
I don't know why you're a fan of this show.
Can you imagine?
He had 14 and none of them were in my top three. People love
making lists. Post your lists tomorrow. Rank my guests, please. That'll make them feel
good. Make sure to tag them in it, too. I love that people say really insulting things, but go to the trouble of tagging you in it.
Celebrity beefs.
Doug plugs.
Night two of 12 Guests of Christmas is right here.
Same bat time, same bat location.
You know, of course, tonight,
thank you for selling out tonight, you guys.
Great job.
What do you think the deal is tomorrow night?
Do you think there's more, like,
office parties tomorrow night?
More Christmas shit?
The Christmas shit is piling up?
No excuses? Okay.
You guys, I appreciate how seriously you took it when you were told no talking or yelling out.
You can speak when I ask you to.
But he wasn't looking me in the eyes.
I don't look anybody in the eyes, as you know.
All right, so...
One eye's always looking for something else to do.
Jeff Tate is going to be here tomorrow night.
Kicking off Tate Crazy Nights.
I know it's weird to do a play on Hanukkah
for my movie comedy show,
but Thursday night, Jeff and I are going to the improv in Orlando. Then Friday, we're at the secret group in Houston. And how many
more cities? Five more cities after that. One each day. I'll be surprised if between the airlines and just my general sanity,
I'll be surprised if they all happen.
But Jeff
will be here in tomorrow night's
show along with
the top three from tonight.
Top three
finishers get to come back tomorrow night
if schedule's permitting.
And then, of course,
at least nine more new guests
in addition to that.
For all the deets,
for all of my dates,
go to douglosmovies.com.
That's douglosmovies.com!
Yeah!
I love the holidays.
Oh, that's where you can also find a link
to get tickets to my stand-up shows
at the Irvine Improv during the holiday taint.
December 27th to 28th.
From the corrections department,
David Spade is not in Eight Crazy Nights
or Beverly Hills Ninja.
People get upset when we get these things wrong.
People are sad that the prizes went home with the wrong person.
But to me, the person who goes home with the prizes is the right person.
But to me, the person who goes home with the prizes is the right person.
And my prize is that I've contributed to tonight's bags, many bags, because you're going to get a lot of stuff.
Again, I've said this before, is the winner really the winner?
If they're walking home in La Cienega looking like a homeless person?
A Doug Loves Movies T-shirt.
A Bushwood Country Club T-shirt.
Yeah, I know how old each and every one of you are
based on your response to that Caddyshack reference.
And then I also brought, I don't know what this does.
It's like, it's supposed to be
I don't know, like an ashtray that goes
along next to it or something.
But it's made of rubber too.
But I brought a beautiful
glow-in-the-dark green
bong.
January 1st is
almost upon us, so I want
one of my California friends in this audience
to have a nice rubber bong to smoke out of
in the privacy of your own home
or probably anywhere if you're white.
It's too soon what hashtag too soon
alright let's get him out here
yes I
you know I put out lots of offers
lots of great people get back to me
we end up with
14
instead of 12 but lots more to me. We end up with 14 instead of 12.
But lots more to come tomorrow night as well.
But for now, and bless you, person in the audience who is sneezing.
Probably allergic to introductions.
So this one's going to be rough for you.
Please give a warm welcome
to Demi Adige-Ibe,
Joe DeRosa,
Mark Ellis,
Ari Grainer,
Sean Jordan,
Steve Kazee,
Justin Long,
Kate McCucci,
Amy Miller,
Bobby Moynihan,
Ramon Rivas II,
Sean Sacamai, Dave Witt, and Sam the Ma'am,
Levine AKA, Logan Lucky. All right.
That's our show.
Thanks for stopping by, everybody.
Now, here's the part where we meet them individually.
Starting with, to my left,
possibly the most Christmassy person on the panel.
It's Amy Miller!
Hey!
Hi!
Hi!
It's Amy Miller!
Hi.
I just realized how often I sit right next to you,
like the most obnoxious teacher's pet. I think it's a power spot.
I think next to me and furthest away from here,
the spots that the alphas...
Yeah.
The fucking alphas jump on those spots.
I just want your approval.
You got it.
Thank you for being here.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for coming, guys.
Yeah, I just put on
a blue jacket.
That felt Christmas-y to me.
But you got the whole
outfit going.
Your standard blue jacket.
What do you mean standard?
I mean, you wear it.
I mix it up.
I have a couple other things.
Yeah, I see that one a lot.
Okay, thanks.
It's nice.
Thank you.
Nice pocket for stuff that you carry around.
Oh, yeah.
I put a kerchief in there.
What do they call those fancy?
Kerchiefs.
No.
An ascot?
Ascot?
Shut up.
Put an ascot in a pocket square. you man sam's no talking during the show
oh thank you so much amy um let's go ahead and ask you my uh first of several questions i'm
going to ask you this evening okay what did you bring for the prize bag? Oh, well, I brought a copy of my album, Solid Gold
on vinyl.
Gold vinyl
with a
beautiful photo of me in a
gold dress and then
also this copy of
Craig Robinson's book, but it's in
French. Why? I don't know.
It's fun.
I was already saying why at Craig Robinson has a book.
Come on now.
I'm just roasting my friend Craig.
You know, if he's going to have a book, shouldn't it be called Take Your Panties Off?
It's called Jake Je Fake.
Yeah, all right.
It's for kids?
I don't know. I didn't open it. French kids right it's for kids I don't know I didn't open it French kids that's for anybody that speaks French I guess all right Thank
You Amy you're welcome pass the mic to your left please because it's Ramon
Rivas the second hello how you doing, dude?
I'm doing good, man.
Had a great time at your comedy festival in Cleveland, the Accidental Comedy Festival.
Thanks, man.
Thanks for coming.
This was the first year I was at Hilarity's downtown, and it was successful, and there's
still room to do more dope shit, so keep building on it.
Did you say they're down to do more dope shit? Yeah know keep building on it what did you say they're down
to do more dope shit yeah man they're down all right yeah it's gonna be labor day weekend next
year you're gonna come back and do douglas movies i think so again uh he wants to come back
yeah you're probably gonna get a lot of requests to participate on this panel that'll be great
all right what'd you bring for the bag, dude? I brought a sticker for the
accidental comedy fest. I brought a hat
as well. And then
I have a
poster of me smoking a joint
riding on a sandwich.
Living all my dreams.
And then if
I always get such a great reaction
every time and I have more
if you are in the audience
and want one
see me after the show
okay cool
you should sell them
I mean
people can pay
whatever they want for them
yeah
some people give me money
which is ideal
Ramon and I
will both be selling stuff
after the show
and I think only us
right
hopefully nobody else please don't sell anything guys be selling stuff after the show. And I think only us. Right? Hopefully.
Please don't sell anything.
Guys, we need this.
Justin looks like he might want to sell some shit.
Literally.
No, sorry.
It'll get better.
I didn't even know
you had the microphone back there.
I thought you would just have to take it quietly.
Did you bring that from home?
For the listeners, there's only three mics amongst these 14 people.
Because I've got a show to run.
And next to Ramon, please give a big warm welcome
to Demi and Dijibre.
Hello.
Nailed the pronunciation again.
What's up?
You nailed the pronunciation.
Thank you.
I did?
Yeah.
I've been practicing every time you come on the show.
I work on it, and I hope to get it right.
But tonight, you're Santa.
You got a Santa hat on.
I am.
I do have a Santa hat.
I love that.
Thank you. I was going to wear it regardless. I put it on. You couldn't find a Kwanzaa hat? I don't. right but tonight you're santa you got a santa hat on i do have a santa hat i love that thank you
i was gonna wear it regardless i couldn't find a kwanzaa hat i don't who celebrates kwan wait
hold up
are you saying is that a thing what are you saying this because i'm an african-american
or just because i should have worn more hats yes Yes, it was because I want more hats.
Fair enough.
That's fair.
I don't know anyone that celebrates Kwanzaa
and I also don't think there's a Kwanzaa store.
I think that's for me to get a Kwanzaa.
Kwanzaa is fake news, right?
I also want to...
I'm sure that Kwanzaa...
Like, they also just see Santa Claus.
He's got to be a part of other than...
Oh, you think he is?
I don't...
There's no way
to tell we have no one to ask to fact-check this all right let's switch
subjects let's talk about Hanukkah you write for a very are you still writing
for that very funny program on TV it depends on which one you are talking
about cuz you write it you're writing writing on more than one thing right now?
So I wrote on The Good Place for a season.
There you go.
That's what I'm talking about.
Thank you so much.
And then I just finished writing on a show that I cannot talk about,
which is fun because it sounds like I'm lying, but it's real.
But it was also very fun and is going to be very funny when it eventually airs.
Why is it a big secret?
Because the company that made it is very hush-hush.
It's dumb.
One day I'll come back and be like, it was this.
Was it made by the Weinstein Company?
Did you get caught up in some really bad timing?
Yes.
And Kevin Spacey was playing Weinstein, so.
It's fine.
It's fine. Wait, it was about Weinstein starring Kevin Spacey was playing Weinstein, so... It's fine, it's fine.
Wait, it was about Weinstein starring Kevin Spacey?
Yes.
Holy shit!
And Roy Moore is doing the score.
You should start pitching, man.
I haven't checked the news, I'm sure he's fine.
All right.
Yeah, check the news, everybody.
Don't take out your phones.
Butt dial the news.
What do you have for the prize bag, dude?
I put a bunch of stuff in here a few days ago,
and I gotta...
Figure it out.
I have...
Oh, I shouldn't have put this in there.
This is...
I'm gonna...
It's my hat that just says movies.
But I am gonna...
I'm gonna keep that, but it's okay.
No, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
I have something better.
It is a hat that says movies, movies on it.
So I'm giving you that.
I'm so happy that you have a better hat.
You have twice as good a hat.
I have a Gilmore Guys t-shirt from my podcast,
which does not exist anymore,
so that's great for goodwill.
I have a screener for Get Out, but I drew on it,
so it says, Fuck Get About It now.
And there's a racist caricature of an Italian man.
And a pair of Minion socks.
For a child or a woman or a small-footed man.
So, yeah.
Well, thank you for bringing all that.
Can we have the bag as well?
Yes.
What kind of bag is it?
I don't know.
It says,
The Miracle of Science with Soul.
Okay, I don't know where you get your bags from, but...
It's cool.
Keep your movies hat
yeah you do have more hats I'm so happy
that's the hat of Kwanzaa it says movies on it well sign me up for Kwanzaa then if I could be a member.
Speaking
of Kwanzaa, this guy's
last name is very similar.
It's Steve Kazee, everybody!
Hello, hello, hello.
How's it going, dude? Good, buddy. How are you?
I'm doing good. Good, good. Yeah.
What are you doing out? Where are you. How are you? I'm doing good. Good, good. Yeah. What are you doing out?
Where are you?
What's happening?
I don't know.
You're like so bi-coastal.
Do you have what's the next thing you have coming up in L.A. or New York?
New York City.
Pretty Woman the musical.
Whoa.
You play the Jason Alexander role.
Actually, I play the Julia Roberts role.
We're going to flip the genders for 2017.
You're Richard Gere in the Pretty Woman musical.
I am Richard Gere. I am the happiest person
alive right now, based on
that news. Do you know who Julia
Roberts is? I do. Samantha Barks.
I don't know if anybody's familiar with her. She was
Eponine in the Les Miserables
movie. Oh, yeah.
Nice. I like it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nice.
Yeah.
I like it.
What, Sam?
Was that her in Ocean's Twelve?
Yeah, sure.
Pretending to be Julia Roberts?
That's a next... There's like eight layers of that.
Hey, Sam, we'll see you about 12 guests from now.
Good job keeping the mic away from him, you guys.
My shit joke sounds better now, doesn't it?
Get that away from Justin.
We're talking to Steve.
That's amazing.
When does that open?
We start, we're out of town in Chicago for the out of town tryout in March
and then we open on Broadway in August, I believe.
Late July, August.
All right.
Yeah.
Very nice.
I should know better than that, but it's August.
No, that's okay.
Just that it's happening is pretty awesome.
Tickets just went on sale.
You know what?
Norbert Leo Butts would be a good jason alexander in that
he would be but he's right yeah it's not him no we got a guy named jason daniley
he's good he's good he's good no i'm sure he's great thank you
what do you got for the prize bag um i have a bunch of DVDs. South Park's 18th season, the complete season.
That was a good one.
And then I brought you three 3D DVDs that I bought when I was really high
and when I also thought that 3D television was the new frontier.
I was like, no, you don't understand.
You have to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
in 3D to understand it.
And so now
they don't make 3D. Well, my TV's not 3D
anymore, so somebody gets those.
And then there's some leftover
Christmas ornaments from my tree in here
that didn't make the cut
for the tree. Oh, and a Luke Skywalker bobblehead.
Topical.
And you get all this
in a nice little doggy stocking as well.
That is a nice
doggy stocking.
Thank you.
Thank you. Great job, dude.
Amy has a question, everybody.
Why didn't those ornaments make the cut this year?
And how many ornaments do you have?
Oh, wait.
Justin has a question as well.
I'm just wondering how many ornaments you have
or how big is your tree?
Well, I went through a breakup.
It's okay.
All right, pass the mic.
That's enough.
Everybody's in a good mood
on this whole Roy Moore thing.
Another reason to be in a good mood
is because Kate Micucci is here!
Hey, everybody.
Hi.
Also very Christmassy.
I'm wearing my Mickey and Minnie on a ski lift Christmas sweater.
Which, when I bought, I thought was just cool, and then my friend was like,
Hey, I have to go to an ugly sweater party.
Can I borrow your sweater?
And I was like, what do you, what?
Yeah, that is not ugly at all.
It's very cute.
It's right before the lift stops and they freeze to death.
Anything is possible.
Just tell people that the next time they say it's ugly.
What's going on with you?
What are you up to?
Well, I just found out I got to get my wisdom teeth taken out.
So that's very exciting.
That's happening on Monday.
And turns out I have five of them.
Yes.
I am an overachiever, I guess.
That's possible? I didn't know, butver, I guess. That's possible?
I didn't know, but yeah, I guess so.
Okay.
So, yeah.
Sam's nodding.
He says you can have up to 12.
You're supposed to have four?
We used to.
Oh, we used to have four.
We used to have four?
Then we evolved?
And we used to have tails.
All right.
Then we evolved.
And we used to have tails.
All right.
Maybe you end up having five when you don't, you know, catch those other four earlier.
Does that make sense?
I don't know what that means.
Because what's the, how old do you think is the oldest a person has ever been when they then find out they have to have their wisdom teeth taken out?
Oh, well, no.
I was told when I was like 15 or 16, I needed my wisdom teeth taken out. Oh, well, no. I was told when I was like 15 or 16 I needed my wisdom teeth
taken out. Oh, you just ignored it? My mom
was like, no. Like, she just thought
like I would die or something.
And so today I had to break the news to her that I'm
actually getting my wisdom teeth taken out and she was not
happy about it. But that's why
I never got them taken out.
My mother.
Alright, well, good luck. Thank you.
I'll let you know how it goes
please don't die
but definitely wear that sweater to the procedure
I'm going to be knocked out it's going to be awesome
what do you have for the prize bag
well I made
well I just made a thing
oh wow
I love it
I made him
oh thanks sorry you already have I love it. I made him... You have... Oh, thanks.
Sorry.
You already have a song,
but I just made him singing a different Doug Loves Movies song.
Doug Loves Movies.
Oh, yeah.
This is my song about Doug and how he loves movies.
He loves them.
He loves them.
Ooh, baby.
Yeah, yeah.
You know it.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
Doug Loves Movies.
Oh, yes, he does.
He does.
Yes, he does.
I mean, I love the current theme song,
but maybe we should put that to music just to change shit up a little bit.
Can you remember it?
Yeah, or I'll just listen to this podcast again.
Very smart.
We'll just lift it from what you just did.
Yeah, there you go.
We'll just lift the from what you just did. Yeah, there you go. We'll just lift the audio.
New theme song.
You know, Chris Hardwick, who needs that?
I think I was singing.
Was I singing?
Was that the question?
But also you and Ricky sing the Christmas version that we heard tonight.
That's right.
So thank you for that.
You're welcome.
I didn't ring the jingle bells.
I also brought some origami from Japan for fun.
And then a Blu-ray of The Little Hours.
And I wrote on it, I pray you like this movie.
That's not going to be for everybody, right?
What, The Little Hours?
Like, don't pop it in with your kids in the room.
No.
No, and only pop it in if you have a Blu-ray player.
That's great advice.
Yeah.
Thank you, Kate.
Oh, let me have that stuff.
Let me take it from you.
And let's say hello to a first-time guest on the show.
It's Ari Grainer, everybody!
time guest on the show. It's Ari Grainer everybody.
May I just say
Happy Hanukkah.
Yes.
Finally.
We've all been waiting. Yes.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for being here.
And congratulations on I'm dying up here on Showtime getting another season. Thank you for that. Thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. And congratulations on I'm Dying Up Here on Showtime getting another season.
Thank you.
And as if that's not great enough for you,
you're also in the most talked about movie, The Disaster Artist.
Yeah.
So things are good, right?
Been a good year. Yeah, you're doing okay. Things are are good, right? Been a good year.
Yeah, you're doing okay.
Yeah.
Things are going good.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So what insanely expensive thing did you bring?
I just brought like Rolexes and like a Ferrari and stuff.
No, I have a full disaster artist care package.
There's the book,
The Disaster Artist,
for people that still like a handheld book.
There's three,
although maybe I should just,
there are three mini footballs.
Can I just throw?
Yeah, just chuck a couple of them.
So there's one.
There's two.
Oh, really hard.
I like it.
All right, put one in the prize bag. So there's one. There's two. Oh, really hard. I like it. All right, put one in the prize bag.
So there's that.
There's a couple of Tommy's Planet pins,
which he really did sell.
And he got a couple of Hotsy Totsy Tuxedo t-shirts.
The disaster artist. Totsie Totsie Tuxedo T-shirts.
The disaster artist.
And I think that's all the studio gave to me to give to you.
That is great.
And the movie is... The movie's terrific.
Were you already aware of the room before the project came along?
Well, I was just saying
when I ran into Justin tonight,
I actually think that he was the first person
that ever told me about the room
like 10 years ago.
Thanks, guys.
Don't give him a microphone.
No, Justin, please.
Take the microphone.
The first time I ever saw it,
the first time I ever saw it,
I saw it with you
and we drank a 40 in the movie theater
with Ann Harris.
Ed Harris.
Ed Harris.
Not Ed Harris.
Classic Ed Harris.
Ed Harris loves the room.
But I'd never seen it.
I'd only heard him
talk about it briefly.
And then I didn't see it
until I got a random text
from James Franco
that said,
hey, it's James Franco.
Do you know the room?
And then I watched it alone in my apartment,
which is like absolutely the wrong way to watch that movie.
Did you wait to respond to the text after you had seen it?
Or were you like, no, but I'll watch it right away?
Or did you wait two hours?
I think I wrote, hello, James Franco.
That makes sense.
And then I said, I will watch The Room.
Maybe I said, Justin Long told me about The Room. No, I think I said, I've heard about Room. Maybe I said Justin Long told me about The Room.
No, I think I said I've heard about The Room.
I'll go watch it.
And then I lost my mind watching it alone and sober,
which is maybe one of the more uncomfortable, sad nights of my life.
But then...
I met him at the Ziegfeld.
They screened at the Ziegfeld years ago,
and I got to meet him beforehand, and he just kept saying...
I understood, like, 20% of what he was saying,
and most of what I understood was he just kept repeating,
he kept saying,
you're gay, we're sag, we're sag.
And I didn't know what he was saying.
I like that your version of Tommy
is also like a little bit Jewish.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, we're sag.
Yeah, come on.
And it took me a while, oh, we're sag, we're in the union, okay. Oh, we're SAG. Yeah, come on. It took me a while.
Oh, we're SAG.
We're in the union.
Okay.
Oh, we're SAG.
We're SAG.
We're SAG.
Like, well, you get it.
We're SAG.
Yeah.
It really is a special club.
So long, everybody.
Like, he's in SAG because he's rich enough to make a movie and cast himself in it.
That's how he got into SAG.
Anyway.
Thank you, Ari, for all that amazing stuff.
And congratulations again.
Thank you.
I bet most of you have probably seen The Disaster Artist already, right?
Yeah, who's seen it?
That's my crowd.
Mark Ellis is here!
Thank you, Doug.
The SAG-eligible Mark Ellis is here.
Just waiting for that call, everybody.
You gotta get that,
you gotta get Taft Hartley.
Yeah, I'm the only person on this panel
Justin Long has not watched The Room with, so You gotta get that, gotta get Taft Hartley. Yeah, I'm the only person on this panel Justin Long has not
watched The Room with, so we gotta change that.
It's okay, guys.
My lawyer's a Jew, okay? Everybody
relax.
Now, Mark, how do you feel going up against
this panel tonight?
Because, you know, the top three
finishers tonight
have to.
They don't have to,
but they're asked
to come back tomorrow.
That's a little hint
as to how clear my schedule is
for the rest of the week.
And, I mean,
I see a lot of great competitors.
These are some all-stars.
I see the guy right down there,
Sam Levine,
a great Doug Loves Movies champion.
So, I'm glad that
I get Justin's microphone and not the one down there,
because we have to split.
We can't both have the same mic.
We had a big falling out after the Comic-Con debacle.
What happened?
Well, we both kind of got it right, but Sam's brother was in town,
and I wanted his brother to finally get to say,
hey, Sam did something good in his life.
So I let Sam have the win.
But I think tonight I'm back for vengeance.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
I didn't think it would get that ugly,
but what did you bring for the prize bag?
Speaking of getting ugly,
I'm not what you call rich,
so I'll show you guys the bonus first. I got this. I thought this was really cool. I'm a big Twilight Zone fan. I picked this up you call rich. So I'll show you guys the bonus first.
I got this.
I thought this was really cool.
I'm a big Twilight Zone fan.
I picked this up at DesignerCon.
It is a cool artwork from Eye of the Beholder, the coolest Twilight Zone.
Save your applause until the end of the bag.
And then I also brought, it's a Christmas-themed show, but I made it Halloween-themed
because I have four different king-size bars of Canadian candy, guys.
Has anybody ever had Canadian candy?
Look at this shit.
Some of it looks like American candy.
If you guys don't know what Canada is, it's like between here and then rushes up way up top.
And then some of it, Doug, looks like American candy.
You'd think that's just a Snickers I got at Pink Dot, and you'd be wrong.
Take a bite of it.
The chocolate's richer.
It's fattier.
It does say Snickers on it, though.
So I'm going to take the wrapper for its word.
We have Nestle Coffee Crisp.
Who's buying that in America?
No one.
That's some foreign shit right there.
And then we have Cadbury.
Who knew they made shit that wasn't eggs?
Crispy Crunch.
How long did they sit around the boardroom
coming up with that title?
Like, just call it Crispy Crunch.
Go with the backup.
What do you got, like 10 minutes on all this candy?
The last one.
You got a tight 10?
It's the best joke.
Hey, don't give him the light.
This stuff is gold.
You guys can catch my special on Netflix,
Canadian Candy, in February.
If your family wasn't here tonight,
don't give away the punchlines
the last one because I'm the one that wants to be with you
Mr. Big ladies and gentlemen
there you go
thank you Mark Ellis
and say hello everybody
to Bobby Moynihan
hello you're a Los Angelino now correct Hello.
You're in Los Angelino now.
Correct.
Yeah.
How's your TV program going?
Me, myself, and Dupree?
It got canceled.
No.
Yeah, a long time ago.
A long time ago?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they...
How's your relationship?
Yeah. Yeah, they... What's your relationship?
I'm so sorry that I haven't paid attention. It's okay. I have to have my wisdom teeth taken out.
Oh, okay.
I have 39 wisdom teeth.
And I have to take them out.
And then I gotta take out Kate's.
But other than that, I'm good. How are you?
I'm doing pretty good. Hosting a show.
And, um...
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
Just gonna change the subject off of
a canceled TV show.
Big old bag.
Oh, look at that.
Nice and crinkly.
It's perfect for taking to the theater.
I got a little beer bottle of
Cholula Chili Garlic Hot Sauce.
Have you ever had this hot sauce?
It's delicious.
Say it again.
Chili garlic?
It tastes awesome.
It tastes like garlic sauce.
It's great.
What do you put it on?
Canadian candy.
I was really trying to think
and I couldn't think of anything.
I put it on chicken breasts.
Okay.
That sounds good.
It's a fucking fact.
And a copy of the Nut Job 2
Nutty by Nature
signed by Jackie Chan.
Whoa.
You sure you want to part with that?
Yeah, no, I just wrote Jackie Chan on it.
Much better, much better.
I don't feel guilty now.
I should have signed the hot sauce, Jackie Chan.
Thank you.
I don't know why I'm giving you the prize.
Thank you, Bobby.
Thank you, bye.
But you moved out here for the TV show.
Yeah, smart move, right?
So, you're obviously still here
because things are going great.
You're doing other stuff.
Nope.
No, I'm just kidding.
I leased a car for two years
like a fucking idiot.
Now I'm living in it.
No, it's cool.
Everything's good.
Yeah, I'm gonna work again.
We'll be all right.
All right, we'll get back to you
about that in a second.
But first, we've got to talk to somebody.
I'm dying to talk to this guy.
We haven't heard from him yet tonight.
Justin Long is here!
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's good, right?
I've got to say something really quick.
Okay, yeah, please.
So this is Mark Ellis.
Yeah. I grew up with a kid. This is true. Sorry. yeah, please. So this is Mark Ellis. Yeah.
I grew up with a kid.
This is true.
Sorry.
I grew up with a kid named Mark Ellis
who he was like three years younger than me.
I was really good friends with his older brother.
And when he was like 14 or 15,
somebody in the neighborhood,
I grew up in kind of like a quiet suburban Connecticut town.
Somebody started,
and it was in the paper and everything.
They started knocking into they started knocking women over and grabbing their, women pushing strollers and grabbing their boobs
and running away. And then they started not ringing doorbells and, not kidding, and asking
for, they'd say, do you have a wrench? And when the woman was sort of surprised, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, get into it. And when they said, do you have a wrench?
Should I go freshen my drink?
He grabbed the boobs and ran away.
And so we called him the Titty Bandit.
They hadn't found him yet.
The kids called him the Titty Bandit.
It turned out to be Mark Ellis.
It was Mark Ellis.
The Titty Bandit.
I kind of figured through the whole thing
that the name was going to be Mark Ellis.
Yeah.
It was Mark
and they found him
after whatever.
So yeah.
My lawyer's a Jew.
Holy.
That story would
have been a hundred
times better
if his name
was Bobby Moynihan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I had to say
I can't get
so
I couldn't
I can't
something
I should have
shared with him.
Yeah.
Let's focus.
Let's focus up.
This way, right over here.
It's so great to have you here.
And I know I have another show tomorrow night.
And Charity's not really involved.
It's just me and Largo doing the show.
So let's plug your show tomorrow night.
Thanks, Doug.
There are a few tickets left at the Fonda churches
and Death Cab and a few great bands
and Nick Kroll and Pete Holmes and Reggie Watts,
really good comedians, 40 bucks.
Yeah, yeah, just keep naming people who won't be here.
40 bucks.
40 bucks, me.
$40 at the Fonda.
And it goes to two really good causes,
No Kid Hungry and a girl's home in Nicaragua.
Yeah, so
if you want,
it'd be good.
Yeah, so go to
that tomorrow night and
listeners too, go to that
and blow this off.
The less people that are here tomorrow night, the
more proud I'll be for you and your charity.
I mean that
for reals. But what do you got for the prize bag?
So I was a little stoned at Target,
which is a really interesting thing.
So I got a piñata here.
A little piñata.
Okay, for the listeners, that is not a piñata.
No, no.
That is, no one is imagining something this small.
If you hit this with a bat... It's a very threatening way to hold a piñata. No one is imagining something this small.
If you hit this with a bat... It's a very threatening way to hold a pinata.
Hit it with a pencil.
Okay.
You stab it with a pencil?
This pinata is so fucking tiny.
And then I thought...
I'm going to stomp on this pinata.
Wait, wait, wait.
You've got to get candy in it.
No, I'm just going to take a picture.
So then I've got candy for it.
If only everyone that was about to do something violent
would just take a picture.
It's going to sound like a lie,
but at Target, a transgendered,
I think maybe homeless person,
was accosted by security for stealing things, and a guy was filming it anyway.
So I just witnessed all this happening.
Yeah.
This fucking thing is so small.
I got some audience in there, so you can see all their heads are bigger than it.
I have a poster of Ramon
writing a sandwich and smoking.
Holy shit, I got a new drink.
The drink fairy came by.
This is exciting.
It's Starburst, but it's just the good flavor.
It's just the red flavors.
The strawberry and cherry all in one.
Yeah, I've never seen that.
You'd never have to put a yellow one in your
mouth ever again. Yeah.
And it made me sort of sad.
It's like immediate gratification.
This isn't weird, is it?
Yeah. Also,
This is
truly the stoniest.
Do you know if those starbursts are from Canada?
I would imagine, because they're awesome.
Be sure to Demi writes for a secret show.
Make sure you check it out.
Watch everything.
You'll catch them eventually.
A special Milano.
I've had the mint, and there's marshmallow,
and a lot of good ones, but this is the candy cane Milano. Candy cane Milano?
Whoever gets this, I'd love to try one. I'm fucking having one of those
right now. I'd love to try one.
And a Baron.
That bag's from American Beauty. We'll see if they end up in the prize bag.
That's the bag from American Beauty. I think everyone on stage
wants to try one of these motherfuckers.
Who doesn't love a good
Milano? This is candy cane
Milano. I hope there's at least 15 of them in here.
Because we will fight.
I think there are.
Sam doesn't want one.
Neither does Joe.
No.
What?
Jews can't have candy canes?
I never heard such a thing.
Yeah, it's like garlic and vampires.
What happened? You didn't like it?
I didn't try it.
I just wanted to throw it.
Am I the only one that thinks
this sounds like the most disgusting
fucking cookie of all time?
Have you had the other Milanos?
I'll tell you right now how disgusting it is.
Oh, that's delicious. Bullshit. It's like a thin mint with some, you know now how disgusting it is. Oh, that's delicious.
Bullshit.
It's like a thin mint with some, you know, cookie around it.
It tastes like mint Milano.
Yeah.
Yeah, it kind of does.
The same thing.
Now I want to throw mine, but half eaten, that's not cool.
Like a Milano grenade. All right.
Thanks for bringing that stuff, Justin.
Sean Jordan, what do you got?
You got a cute bag.
Straight to the bag?
I got...
Hey, hang on a second, Sean.
This just in.
The winner tonight is going to get three Milano cookies.
Lucky devils.
Go ahead.
Back to the bag.
Just go back to the bag.
I got some holiday...
I also went to Target, but...
I read the Bible, so I wasn't stoned.
You know what I mean?
I got...
I got some Pull & Peel holiday Twizzlers.
They're holiday colored.
Got some holiday Sour Patch Kids.
The, uh, yeah.
Think I got some Gingerbread Chapstick.
So, anyone feeling saucy?
And your own copy of Scrooged with William Murray.
And I bought the bag.
I don't think I gave you a proper introduction either.
Sean Jordan is here, everybody.
You always have candy, Sean.
Do you worry that's going to haunt you later in life?
Yeah, well, that and all the drinking.
Probably the drinking more.
The candy will be in there.
I was trying to make a luring children joke or something.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Sorry, guys.
But you're not.
Got real.
You're cool.
How do you feel about your chances tonight?
Pretty good.
All right.
Pass the microphone to a longtime friend of the show.
He first appeared on the show because he made a large donation to an awesome charity called Smile Train.
Let's give it up for Sean Sacamai.
Hi.
Hello, Largo.
Hey, dude, what's going on?
Hey, Doug.
I like your standing behind your seat approach.
Yeah, I figured I'm at the height to where I can sit on the stool or stand,
and no one's really going to be able to tell the difference.
No one's going to care one way or the other.
Exactly.
Good point.
Yeah, it's an audio show.
Demi smart.
Good one, Demi.
I'm going to call you two hats.
No hat.
What else is going on?
What do you have for the prize bag?
For the prize bag?
Well, funny enough, I also brought a bottle of hot sauce.
What?
No, I'm dead serious.
Yeah, my brother signed me up for a hot sauce of the month club,
and I'm not going through 12 bottles of hot sauce.
Not even a very big bottle.
What do you put that on? Chicken?
Chicken breasts.
That's a fact.
What else?
For the podcast fans, I have
a Never Not Funny
inscripted multi-tool.
That is Players Club exclusive.
That's neat. People are excited about that.
Yeah, right?
It's called a Leatherman.
Yeah, yeah.
And then a fleece,
but I hope you like sports.
It's a Pac-12 embroidered.
Pac-12?
Yeah, go college sports, right?
I'm not into basketball.
Yeah, college sports is pretty terrible.
Why do you think I'm getting rid of the
fleas? All of that.
All of that.
It's going in the bank.
Yeah.
Who?
Now that you're seeing how much stuff you're going to
have to leave here with, is anyone going to
rescind, like is anyone going to not hold up
their name tag? Like, oh, I don't
really need all that in my life. I hope someone that rode their
bike wins. What's that? I hope
someone that rode their bike wins. Yeah.
If someone's
taking the bus home,
that'll be great.
Thank you, though, Sean. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Pass it over here. You can throw it right in the trash.
And let's say hello
to Joe DeRosa!
And let's say hello to Joe DeRosa!
Hi, Doug.
Hey, I saw you yesterday.
We got high on my YouTube show, Getting Doug With High.
Very high.
Yeah.
And it's good to see you.
You're still alive?
I was fucked up on that show yesterday, man.
I did not know what was,
if I was coming or going,
but I had a great
goddamn time.
Well, that's all
we're looking for
for a guest on that show.
Yeah, it was fun.
Yeah, you checked
all the boxes.
Yeah, yeah.
And you knew
I was paranoid
and you were fucking with me,
which was shitty.
Right, but I was high too, man.
Yeah.
So I was paranoid that if I didn't fuck with your paranoia
that you would fuck with my paranoia all right you're right i'm being a dick sorry i'll take it
back hey you guys were talking about the pretty woman musical you know i was thinking you could
get for that jason alexander role you already got jason alexander they got that is true that is true. That is true.
He's a great singer and dancer as well.
He'd still be really good in that role, by the way.
He's probably good.
You could get him.
You know what?
That would be a good,
that's one of those things
where they could stunt cast it.
The show's going to be a big hit, I'm sure,
but then down the road,
when people start to leave.
He comes in and does like six weeks.
When the original cast leaves,
then you come in six weeks as Jason Alexander.
So you think Jason Alexander's gonna do the leftovers
of the Broadway show, the movie he was in?
I think so, yes.
He'd be doing it with hair now, though, for some reason.
He got hair.
Did you hear about it?
Nuh-uh.
This is news to me.
Yeah, they're all getting hair now.
Okay.
Now, that's all you, though.
Thick and luscious, right?
Right.
It's nice.
This is all you though. Thick and luscious, right? Right. It's nice. This is all Doug's.
Yes, applaud for Doug's thick, luscious hair.
Thank you, Amy.
Let's get back to Joe.
Thanks, man.
What's that you got on your hands for the bag?
I assume it's for the bag.
Some people might bring a book to read during this show.
It's a gift for the bag.
Like Mark said, I'm also not rich,
but I am cheap.
So I did not purchase anything for the bag.
Yeah, you brought something from home.
Yeah, I don't know these fucking people.
I got to buy them gifts now?
No.
I read a book. It's Star Wars week. I am buy them gifts now? No. I read a book.
It's Star Wars week.
I am so excited
about The Last Jedi.
This is a book
from my own collection.
This book is called
Star Wars Dark Lord,
The Rise of Darth Vader.
And it says right at the top,
it is the must-read sequel
to Revenge of the Sith.
So it's a must-read.
So you know it's good.
And I always do this bit
where I put an inscription in.
Oh, that's cool.
You want to read it?
I can read it.
You want me to read it?
No, because last time
you read it wrong
and it fucked the joke up.
And then you made fun of me
for the joke bombing.
Well, then I'm definitely
going to read this one.
All right.
But the idea...
Do you want to read it? No, read it if you want.
Go ahead.
I'll give you some music.
I left it blank.
If this situation pertains to you, you can
give this gift to the appropriate person
in your life.
And this is a sort of divorce-themed
description.
It just says,
it says,
Dear Blank,
whoever,
this is a holiday gift
for the son
you won't let me see,
whose head you fill
with lies.
Here's some truth.
His mother is white trash.
Mary fuck.
Mary fuck.
Love, and then you put your name at the bottom.
So if you're divorced, this is good for the holiday season.
Thank you. Thank you, Joe.
At least I waited to the very end to ruin it.
You got some laughs.
Too soon. Too soon.
Please give a warm welcome.
Hello.
How far...
I really like having this mobility.
Dave Wade is here, everybody!
Yeah, I know.
Hello.
Now a little something
from the motion picture
Eyes Wide Shut.
Dave, how's it going?
You, uh...
I really wish I would have been more aggressive
in trying to get in that front row
because then I could have got...
You could have talked sooner?
Yeah.
A lot of people have turned it off by this point.
Including some that are here tonight.
But I'm glad to finally get to you.
Thank you for coming.
What do you have for us?
You have a beautiful holiday bag.
It says, Happy Holidays.
I'm leading the war on Christmas.
Are you in charge of it?
Yeah, it's a real thing.
I'm leading it.
And Fox News is right.
Fuck Christmas.
Happy Holidays. Yeah, it's a real thing. I'm leading it. And Fox News is right. Fuck Christmas. Happy holidays.
It sounds like you confused who's fighting for what
when you say Fox News is right.
Fuck Christmas.
I had so much time to think of something,
and that's all I came up with.
I gave you too much time to think of something and that's all i came up with i saw i gave you too much time to think of something i saw bobby moynihan outside and i almost said hey to him and then i realized i didn't know him
and i just knew him from tv and that threw me off hey man i guess i could have just done that
he probably went with it he's a very guy. I'm sure he would have responded.
He looks so friendly.
I was like, hey, I know that guy.
Used to be on TV.
Yeah.
A microphone just got passed to Bobby
like he's supposed to respond.
No, it was pretty good.
Bobby, you did your best,
and that's all that matters.
I did. I'm proud of it, I guess.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I saw the disaster artist today,
and then I stayed to watch the credits
but they didn't put her name
next to her character so then I was like
I don't know and then I saw her here and then I was like
oh so that threw me off
usually they put the name
next to the actor you know
that wasn't a sentence
I agree my bad
I'll show my gifts now.
Yeah, what do you got for the bag, buddy?
Write it down.
Go right to your bag.
Oh, I like it.
It makes a noise.
I wouldn't trust.
It's dispenses candy, but I wouldn't trust it.
It's BB-8, and it has candy in it, and it makes noises.
Yeah.
Okay.
This is like a phone charger thing, but it's too dorky for me.
But some nerd out there will like that.
It's a stormtrooper head that's also a phone charger.
Yeah.
I like it.
If my pockets were bigger I keep this
and what else
and then it's a beer koozie with my name and face on it
so you should have worked your way up
to the store
this is what people have to explain
I gave you an assignment
my bad
I have one question. Which way
is the game? I have to
take a leak, and I didn't know...
Oh, go for it.
Yeah, yeah. Can I have the bag?
Can I have the bag?
Thanks. Thank you. Me and Joe
will never return. Oh, see you later, guys.
Alright, I mean,
they don't know this, but they're now eliminated
and will not be allowed back on stage.
I could tell Dave was a dirtbag enough
he was trying to hold onto the Christmas bag
so he can use it again.
He can have it.
Sam the Ma'am Levine!
A.K.A.
Lil' Logan Thank you very much.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, buddy.
Holy shit.
That was a lot of people.
That was a long wait, wasn't it?
Yeah.
That's all right, though.
Yeah.
I think everything's going great.
It's fine.
I know a lot of people
listen to the
New York edition
of the show
where I was really
really sick
and I want you to know
I came back home
and I saw my LA position
and it turned out
it was not
feline AIDS
nor was it SIDS
I had leprosy
but it's fine now
yeah I hear
they got a shot
for that now
clears it right up.
Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
The ghost of Charlton.
The ghost of Charlton Heston.
Again, you didn't have much time to think about that one.
You know, I was going to do a whole John Connor bit
with him trying to do the war on Christmas.
You were?
Someone's going to come back.
Could somebody go back in time and not make that happen?
Wait, what?
Make that that happen? Wait, what? Yeah.
Make that not happen?
Anyway, you won night one of New York, so I don't know how sick you were, but.
I was actually really sick.
I had pneumonia.
Yeah, you killed it.
Oh, thanks.
And what do you have for the prize bag tonight?
Well, look, it's that time of year.
It is Oscar time, and being a member of SAG, like Justin and Tom and Zach,
we are fortunate enough to get screeners of all the movies,
the hot, hot movies that are going to win all the awards.
So I decided I would give some of those away.
So Steve Jobs, guys.
That's not this year.
Is Seth Rogen going to win an award?
We don't know. That's not this year. You Seth Rogen going to win an award? We don't know.
That's not this year.
That's not this year.
You're going to have to find out.
No.
Fences.
No, that's old.
Will Denzel finally get a directing award?
No, no.
Uh-uh.
Oh, a sweet movie.
Brooklyn.
Uh-uh.
Saoirse Ronan.
No, no, no.
Is she going to get an nomination to win?
Maybe.
Lady Bird.
And let's see.
Oh, The Danish Girl. I'm dying to let's see. Ooh, The Danish Girl.
I'm dying to see this one.
Oh, The Danish Girl.
That's the prequel to Tulip Fever.
I hear that Eddie Redmayne is a shoo-in.
And then last but not least.
Oh, there's more?
Jesus.
One last thing.
An actual thing.
I brought one of these Freaks and Geeks promotional postcards back from Jersey.
And I have signed that one.
That is lovely.
And it says, they call me Little Logan.
And then I signed it,
and it's got all your favorites on there.
Yeah, I don't know.
None of these people are working today.
Not 01.
Real washout.
Don't you want my Home Depot bag?
Nope.
Cool.
Heads up.
I don't want anything that looks like it might have been in a Kevin Spacey movie.
You win.
Did you have something else to say?
No, that joke was much funnier, so I was going to let it go.
Anytime I see a plastic bag floating around, I do American Beauty jokes,
and now it's got a whole new fresh cone of paint.
Let's start back with Amy again, and let's just get this part
over with.
Thanks.
Nice to see you again too.
I forgot to stomp on this.
No!
I love that when
stuffed animals or tiny pinatas
are in jeopardy that people really
have feelings for it.
So Amy, no, this is a part where I have two questions for you could you give us your
plugs that you want to plug because when we get to the game portion and you're
eliminated we ask you to just exit the stage and also what was the last movie
you saw the last movie I saw was The last movie I saw was The Disaster Artist.
Yes.
Did you like it?
I loved it.
Okay, good.
Saw it at the Alamo Drafthouse in Brooklyn.
Went up, sold out, and I was like, hey, I want to see this.
And he was like, here's a free ticket.
So being a girl is pretty cool.
And then I sat next to some weirdo who I think stood up.
I don't know.
Charitable weirdo, I shouldn't call him.
He probably listens to this fucking.
Thank you, sir, from Alamo Drafthouse for sitting with me and paying for my ticket.
I'm a horrible.
Oh, no, I loved it.
At Alamo Drafthouse, I don't know if this is happening everywhere,
but they're showing all these little, like,
all Tommy Wiseau's, like, old commercials and stuff
for, like, his underwear line.
It seems like an Alamo move.
It's super amazing and very homoerotic.
Have you guys seen, have you seen those underwear commercials?
No.
It's very weird.
He just made a line of underwear and made commercials for it. He does have a line of underwear, and I hear it's very comfortable. just made a line of underwear and made commercials for it
he does have a line of underwear and I hear it's very comfortable
get her a microphone please
I just want everyone to know that I do
own the underwear I just have
not seen the underwear commercials
but I don't need to cause I already
own them
instead of a mic drop she did a mic pass
I like it
it's more gentle
it's sensible
and what do you got to plug Amy?
next weekend I'll be at Cobbs
in San Francisco
with Greg Barrett
and December 17th
also come to my show
at the Hollywood Improv
if you live in LA
I do it monthly
and you guys never
fucking show up
it's very fun that guy's gonna be there he's in if you live in LA. I do it monthly and you guys never fucking show up.
It's very fun.
That guy's going to be there.
He's in.
The 17th?
I'm going to look for you.
It's a very small room.
I'll know if you showed up or not, buddy.
All right, cool.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ramon Rivas, two?
Yeah. The second?
I feel like you could have probably done this
when we went through the first.
I could have, but then I would talk to each of you
for even longer than it took to tell me
what's in your prize bag.
Yeah, it's more fun for everybody.
I know, this is true.
You know, give me notes on how the overall show should work.
Go ahead and give me those after the show.
Okay.
When we're smoking weed and I'll forget all about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The last movie I saw was What Happened to Monday,
it's some Netflix movie, and it was real frustratingly bad
because they were just committed to like,
there's one girl for every day of the week, and they have to act like one person.
And it just made me mad.
And then I turned it off with five minutes left.
Wow, that's commitment to hating something.
Yeah.
To give it that much and then just fuck it.
Just too many plot holes for me, man.
So does anybody know what he's talking about?
Just avoid it.
If it comes up on your team. You saw it? No.
It wasn't good. I can't get anybody
to corroborate so
sounds like you're talking about an amazing movie.
Just trust me. What was the movie, Doug?
I didn't hear it back here. I apologize.
I didn't hear it right here.
It's called What Happened to Monday.
What Happened to Monday, dude?
It's a Netflix movie. Well, I'll tell you what happened.
It's Tuesday, motherfuckers.
Exactly.
It's so angry about it.
All right, well, so we won't watch that.
Or maybe we will because it's Netflix.
Who cares?
We might just have to.
You know, nobody makes more or less.
You know, Netflix, there's no ratings.
It doesn't matter.
What do you got to plug?
You can check me out on tour.
My website is blazerramon.com
because I wear a lot of sport coats.
And I will be in San Francisco
for Sketch Fest headlining a night
at the Punchline in January
and then just other dates
around cool yeah thanks dude Demi DiGiube what do you uh you can answer them in any order you want
but those same two questions um I saw I, Tonya for the third time whoa I fucking dude I see I've
only seen it once but I want to see it again.
It's so entertaining.
It's so good, and I've already made plans for someone else to watch it with me again.
But I love it so much, and I feel fucking stupid for it because in 2016, my favorite
movie was the super white movie about jazz, and this year it's the super white movie about
figure skating, so I'm going to get my ass kicked.
But it's the super white movie about figure skating, so I'm going to get my ass kicked. But it's fucking fantastic.
And I...
Yeah, Margot Robbie's...
Everyone in it is very good.
Yeah, that movie's amazing.
Yeah, super good.
I really enjoy it.
Plug-wise, I'm doing another podcast.
I'm starting a podcast with my friend, Miel,
who is another comedian,
and we are basically taking songs that everyone knows
and then complaining about them and that everyone knows and then complaining
about them
and then rewriting
and remixing them
into being something else
at the end of the show.
I love that idea.
Yeah.
So look out for that.
What's it called?
Punch Up the Jam.
Oh shit.
That's a good response.
That is a good...
Yeah, you really set yourself
up for saying a title that just gets silence.
That's very
clever. Good job. Thank you.
Steve. Yes, sir. How are
you? I'm doing very well. The last movie
I saw was Love Actually.
Okay. Now...
I don't care what anybody says
I will stand by that film
but uh
I think you even tweeted about it maybe
yeah
and I saw your tweet
I just shook my damn head
I shook my damn head cause you love that movie
I fucking love that movie
I dare anybody to watch that movie and not get a little
fucking misty eyed it's like
it's so well
crafted. A, B, you know,
C, D, you get all the points.
The music hits at the right time
and you will fucking cry. But I'm watching it
for a reason. It's got just the right amount of fat shaming.
Well,
so this is actually... I didn't mean
to.
Bro, I'm with you. That movie
fucking rocks, man. It does. love actually is the shit but you actually
bring up a good point because watching it now it's a little problematic yeah throughout yeah
um yeah you're unfortunate uh everybody's favorite sheriff rick from uh walking dead
like that shit he pulls that's his friend in there that she's married to. And he's standing out there on the sidewalk showing her signs.
I think it says blow me on one of them.
Well, you have the prime minister of England, like having an affair with like the, the house,
uh, the, the, what is she?
She, I forget what she does.
She's like part of the, like the house running crew.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it just seems like a little weird for the times now
for a person in a position of power to be.
Right.
There's like little things like that throughout the film,
which, I mean, you know, we're talking.
It's too bad some people in positions of power
aren't just actually handsome like Hugh Grant, though.
At least she's fucking a handsome dude.
She's not like just fucking a dude just because he's powerful.
Right.
You know what's really too bad
is you guys just fucking ruined
love actually.
It's a charming little film where people
fall in love and they're at the airport.
It's a nice little movie. Yeah, there's
a 10-year-old that wants to get laid. It's
amazing.
He wants to go with another
10-year-old.
He thinks he can run to the gate post-9-11.
It's a crazy movie. I legit he can run to the gate post 9-11. It's a crazy movie.
I legit do start crying at the
fucking beginning of that film every time though
when Hugh Grant's like, whenever I feel like
I'm having a bad day, I go
to the arrivals gates and he threw an airport and I'm like
go fuck.
Hey, sing a little of that
dumb song from the movie. Which one?
The one the guy sings a million times in the movie.
Oh, shit.
And if you wanna love Christmas,
come on and let it snow.
You should put out a fucking cover of that song.
It's funny that you're saying this
because the reason I watch Love Actually
is because this weekend, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday,
I am doing Love Actually in concert
at the Wallace Annenberg Theater in Beverly Hills.
We're doing like a full...
I don't know if anybody's familiar with the For the Record,
this thing that happens in LA,
which is where they do famous directors
and their films and the music from them.
Anyways, they're doing a Love Actually version where we'll like do some of the scenes from,
well, I guess we're doing all the scenes from the film.
And then singing the soundtrack, like the soundtrack is now being added into the film scenes like a musical.
Wow.
Yeah, so that's why I'm doing it.
You know who you could get to play that little 10-year-old is?
Microphone.
Spoiler alert, Jason Alexander is in this show, so... No.
Yeah, so there you go.
All right, so did you answer both questions?
I think so, yeah, that's my plug.
And Pretty Woman coming to Broadway 2018.
Get your tickets now.
I'm going to see the shit out of that i could just i can just i could picture
one of the numbers now she's in the bathtub instead of listening to prince she's like
three thousand dollars three thousand do you think she'll get more money in the uh current
no we're keeping it keeping it at the same but But I did, the original screen writer is helping to write the book.
He was co-writing with Gary Marshall before Gary Marshall passed away.
Day one of rehearsal, I said, can I please read the script?
And he emailed it to me that night.
The original Pretty Woman script, Google it.
It's fucking dark.
Oh, yeah.
No, Gary Marshall came in.
It's called 3000.
And it is, like, in the beginning, Vivian's just like, shut your
fucking mouth, you stupid cunt. Get over here
and eat this fucking pussy off the table.
And it's like,
that's like page one.
Somebody
should make that.
I mean, it's
not the pretty woman you do love.
And a musical.
Like, you should put that dialogue into the musical.
Yeah, people are clamoring for that on Broadway these days.
I saw Saturday Night Fever, like, the touring company of that,
and there's some very, very horrible things that happen in that movie,
and they're trying to dance around it, so to speak.
Kate.
Oh, I like that one so much, Doug. That was a great pun.
What do you got?
Which question do you want to answer first?
I'll say Lady Bird is the last
movie I saw. I loved it so much.
It's like so perfect.
It's great. Yeah.
And when that girl auditions for the musical with a Catholic song, I nearly fell over. I loved it so perfect. It's great. Yeah. And when that girl auditions for the musical with a
Catholic song, I nearly fell over.
I loved it so much.
Yeah, I love that they're doing
Merrily We Roll Along, which is the
Sondheim musical that
bombed on Broadway because the premise was
all kids would play the parts and they'd
pretend to be older as the story goes on.
And who was in it? Jason Alexander.
Jason Alexander.
Did you see that documentary?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, the documentary about that.
The greatest show.
Oh, there you go.
Ari knows it.
But that's when I realized that in the documentary,
he has hair and then he doesn't have hair
and then he has hair and then he doesn't have hair.
That's, yeah, anyway.
Ladies, ladies, one at a time.
No, it's okay
you can keep it
I didn't
so
wait so
and plug
I don't really have
anything
and plug
yeah
okay DuckTales
watch DuckTales
and Bobby's in it too
on Disney XD.
There's a room full of adults just cheering for DuckTales.
I love it.
That guy walked out.
He is anti-DuckTales.
DuckTales.
Woo-hoo.
Exciting.
What is that on?
Disney XD.
Oh, yes.
That's the next thing I'm gonna watch
but the last thing
I watched was
Call Me By Your Name
in the theater
I have not seen that yet
but everybody says
it's amazing
it's unbelievable
but then
that was not actually
the last movie I watched
because right after that
then
I was singing
the gospel
of the greatest movie
ever made,
showing my boyfriend, which is Baby Boom.
I think Baby Boom might be one of the greatest, most underrated, unknown, sort of feminist films of all time.
That was the most formative movie of my growing up.
I get very earnest and very serious when I talk about Baby Boom.
You can't tell.
It's amazing.
Watch it.
So how's your boyfriend?
Is it in his top ten now?
I hope so.
It better be.
That's sweet.
But yeah, I remember liking that movie.
Yeah, sure.
I'll check it out again.
It really holds up too
it seems like it would make a lot of sense right now
yeah it does
ahead of it's time
that's right
and what's happening Dave has a question
yeah I don't
what the fuck is that movie
baby boom is
Diane Keaton plays this broad
alright
maybe you didn't recognize her
because they didn't have her name
next to her picture
at the end of the movie.
I'm sorry.
I knew you were from that other thing, though.
I knew that.
It's showtime.
Oh, goodness.
I always confuse Baby Boom with Here Comes the Boom starring Kevin James.
They're vastly different films.
But none of them could beat Boss Baby.
For my favorite feminist movie.
He's a fucking baby and he's already being an asshole to women.
He's already called himself
the boss.
But plugs wise, when does
Dying Up Here come back?
Don't know yet, but we start
shooting in January, so I think this
spring.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, indeed.
Disaster artists in theaters everywhere, spreading yeah yeah and then yeah indeed and disaster artists
in theaters
everywhere
spreading out
across the
country and the world
and
yeah
it's gonna do well
in awards season
I think
hope so
yeah
fingers crossed
yeah you're great in it
thank you
you get
at the end of the movie
this isn't really a spoiler
cause this happens
in movies that are
based on real things
at the end you see side, this isn't really a spoiler because this happens in movies that are based on real things. At the end,
you see side by side
Ari playing this part
that this woman played
in the real,
the room movie.
Yeah,
the room.
Yeah,
the room.
I always worry
I do a side by side
of Brie Larson.
Yeah.
And,
and the side by side
comparisons are, are amazing.
It's very, it's super entertaining.
Thank you.
Yeah, good job.
Finally, they're getting validation
for their work on that movie.
Mark Ellis, what's the last movie you saw?
Well, I'll save the last movies.
I'm really excited about it for after the club.
It feels like you don't even need a microphone.
If that's cool.
You project so well.
Oh, thank you.
That's important in acting, guys.
My name is Mark Ellis, so my Twitter handle is pretty easy to remember.
It's at Titty Wrench Fucker.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
I got to change it.
At titty bandit.
It's not verified
but it will be very soon.
I host a show online
called the Movie Trivia
Schmodown
and we have our
big spectacular
in a couple weeks.
Sam Levine is actually
competing in it.
He's going for the
championship belt.
He leaned in like he was going to say something.
He had that lean.
Oh, okay.
There's no belt tonight.
The winner tonight just gets to have one more plug.
Okay.
Then I would plug the Kansas City Improv New Year's Eve
if I was to win.
Oh, that'll be fun.
We don't know that yet.
Yeah.
Speaking of spoilers, I won't give any away, but I did have the great honor of going to the premiere of Star Wars The Last Jedi on Saturday.
Did you hear the fucking room's asshole close?
I'm not going to give any spoilers.
Like, I'll sell them for $50.
Take thumbs up or thumbs down.
Here's what I'll say.
Oh, no.
That's fine.
I don't need to hear anything.
We're all going to go see it.
It doesn't matter.
I don't want to go with you on Thursday.
Shit.
Douglo's movies, Take Crazy Nights, will be at the Orlando Improv on Thursday night. Doug loves movies
Take Crazy Nights
will be at the Orlando Improv
on Thursday night
but then I'm going to see it
I'm going to see it
right after my show
this is actually true
because I went on Fandango
and bought tickets
like when the Monday Night Football
trailer came out
and I can't use the tickets now
because I'm on the road
this weekend
I have to fly out Thursday
so I have two tickets left
for Man's Chinese Theater
at 1.45 a.m.
on Thursday night that I will now toss
into the gift bag.
No!
None of these
people are going to wait that long to see it.
The 1.45 a.m.
one. Nine wheelbarrows of shit.
So I think they might want the Last Jedi
tickets on top of it. Is there going to be a yard
sale after the show
that whoever wins?
It's really,
I didn't think this through.
Sean Jordan even
was the only person
he texted me,
hey, it's not supposed
to be much
because there's going
to be 12 guests, right?
And I'm like, yeah,
and he still brought
a ton of shit.
Everybody wants to,
you know,
people are nice.
They want to bring stuff.
But thanks, Mark. Did you say the last They want to bring stuff, but thanks Mark.
Did you say the last movie you saw?
Yeah,
it's a,
the space movie.
Great,
great answer.
Bobby.
Hi.
Hi.
So what are you working on?
Can you talk about it?
No. And what was the last movie you saw
I'm gonna plug DuckTales also
still on TV Amy
a little bit
no I'm just kidding
I'm just kidding
I'm just kidding
I love you
I'm kidding
and We Bare Bears
on the Cartoon Network
and the first six episodes
of Me, Myself and I
on CBS All Access.
Which you have to pay for.
And I'll also plug fucking Young Sheldon.
Why not?
I don't think it's called fucking Young Sheldon.
I so badly, and was instructed not to,
when our show got canceled,
was instructed not to,
really wanted to just tweet out,
it should have been called fat Sheldon.
I'm so mad I didn't.
The last movie I saw was also Star Wars, The Last Jedi.
I'm not going to say a single word about it,
except for the fact that Ray's parents,
Ray's parents turned out to be ted
dancin and whoopi goldberg i didn't hear what you said i'm okay with that
justin uh i saw manhattan last night for which one of my favorite movies and i was watching it uh i
almost got through the whole thing my girlfriend was there it's one of the it movies, and I was watching it. I almost got through the whole thing. My girlfriend was there.
It's one of the,
it's like the one consistent fight. Are you doing a Woody Allen impression?
No, no.
You know, it's something we fight about a lot.
I was watching Manhattan.
I've seen it countless times.
But we do get in fights about it.
Can you separate whatever,
the art from the arts?
And she can't, I can. So I still enjoy watching his movies. but we do get in fights about it. Can you separate whatever the art from the arts?
And she can't, I can.
So I still enjoy watching his movies.
But I got to the very end and I was,
and she was like in another room having a meeting up until like five minutes.
She kind of came out and sat next to me.
And it was the scene with Mariel Hemingway at the end
where, and he, she's like sidles up next to me
and it's the scene where he, she's leaving.
And he's like, you know, do you have to go to London?
I'd love for you to stay.
It's really...
He's 17, and I love him.
Yeah, he's 17. It's okay.
And I've forgotten about all the awful things he's done
since he made that movie.
And I was able to watch it and enjoy it.
And she just goes...
There's a scene where he pushes her hair kind of back behind her ear.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, I've been to it. kind of back behind her ear. Yeah, yeah. And I was like,
I'm into it.
And I can hear her go,
ugh, gross.
She's from Scotland.
It's like,
you ruined it.
You ruined this movie for me.
Anyway,
so that was the last one
when I saw it.
And plug,
nothing to plug.
Tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night,
yes,
at the Fonda Theater.
Tickets still available.
Go to my Twitter. Twitter is Titty Banditonda Theater. Tickets still available. My Twitter is
TittyBandit1
JustinLong
Oh, I started an Instagram page that
you might want to check out. It's called
The Real Stephen Blatt. It's about this shitty
16-year-old who becomes a social
media star. It's based on this
web series that I made with my brother.
The Real Stephen Blatt. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you.
Shawnee J.
I watched
National Lampoon's
Christmas Vacation last night.
Is that a tradition for you
like every year?
Yeah.
I try to watch
as many Christmas movies
as I can.
Oh, lots of them.
Okay.
That one isn't
particularly special?
It's the one
that makes it in every year.
It's fantastic.
It's my favorite
Christmas movie of all time.
So it holds up, obviously.
And yeah,
I have a podcast
called All Fantasy Everything
I co-host with...
Look at you.
People love it.
With Ian Carmel
and David Borey,
so listen to that.
And I'll be at
Revolution Hall
in Portland, Oregon
on the 22nd of December.
And I'll also plug DuckTales because it sounds
fucking awesome.
There we go.
Excellent.
Hey, Sean.
Hello.
So, I forgot to mention I also
have a $15. Why are the two Sean
sitting right next to each other?
We're not. He's standing.
Good answer.
I'm glad that this starts playing on here.
The last movie I saw was The Room.
Oh, you watched the original Room?
Just watched it over the weekend.
After having seen The Disaster Artist?
No, I'm going to see that eventually.
You still haven't seen Disaster Artist?
Yeah, spoiler alert.
We might find out if I see that tomorrow night.
Okay.
All things working out in my favor.
But yeah, The Room was a difficult watch.
Right, yeah, like you didn't watch it with a crowded theater?
No, no, I bought it and watched it.
A lot?
With my brother.
With his brother, and he's no fun at all, trust me.
I swear to God, I laughed more in the first 30 minutes of that movie
than probably any comedy I've seen this year.
Unintentionally.
But then there's too much of it eventually.
It can't maintain.
More love scenes in like 15 minutes.
Yeah.
That take 15 minutes.
And they're long.
But you know it's the same one that he just repurposed.
Yeah, they reused the same footage.
Reshot, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love it.
Oh, it was interesting.
Plugs, obviously, as the only no-talent here,
I've got nothing to plug.
I'm back to my problematic Twitter handle,
at SnapTheJap.
The other one got shut down, so...
Wait, you changed it and then got shut down?
No, no, no.
The nice one, SnapTheJapanese, got shut down.
I got doxxed by a bunch of Nazis.
What?
Oh, no!
Yeah, yeah. So I had to go back to the old name. So that's fun. by a bunch of Nazis. What? Yeah.
So I had to go back to the old name.
So that's fun.
I don't understand any of that.
It doesn't make sense to anybody, logically.
Wish we had time to get into it.
So I'm passing this on. We got to talk to Joe DeRosa for a while.
Because he's going to say something
I don't agree with right now.
Well, the first thing I say...
Start with your plugs. I agree with your plugs.
Start with the plugs.
I will not be plugging DuckTales.
Because I read for the part of Launchpad McQuack and did not get it.
Money would have really helped out for Christmas time.
No, it's fine! Fine!
Give it to the guy that's already on a goddamn TV show! No, I's fine. Fine. Give it to the guy that's already on a goddamn TV show.
No, I'm kidding.
I didn't even know Launchpad McQuack was a real thing.
I thought it was just something Michael Cera says in Scott Pilgrim.
No, he's real.
Okay.
He flies a plane.
All right.
And he's a little wacky.
Okay.
Hence the name, McQuack.
You get it.
You get it.
You're really enjoying this.
I'll plug.
I have two podcasts.
I have a horror movie, sci-fi, fantasy film review and commentary show called We'll See You in Hell that Patrick Walsh and myself host on HeadGum.
And Kurt Braunholer and I have a podcast about adult friendship called Emotional Hangs on Feral Audio.
Those are the plugs and you're on the most recent episode of getting dug with high which people can watch on youtube or listen to on itunes
yes yes now tell me uh the last movie you saw and what you thought of it uh i saw two movies today
that were strikingly similar and which one was the last one? Do you understand how questions work?
Why do we have two microphones over here?
Now I want to know about both, of course.
I was going to tell you either way.
I watched The Velveteen Rabbit.
And I watched the movie Magic starring Anthony Hopkins.
But here's what's crazy.
Not watched them back to back,
not realizing this until I saw them.
They're the same story.
The Velveteen Rabbit's about a kid who thinks
his stuffed rabbit is alive. Sure it is. And yeah. And Magic's about Anthony Hopkins thinking
his ventriloquist dummy is alive. And here's what pisses me off. When the kid does it,
it's supposed to be cute. When Anthony Hopkins does it, it's supposed to be weird.
Why does the kid get a pass? It's just as fucking batty that the goddamn kid thinks the rabbit is alive.
You know what I mean?
You know that children will often use their imagination
because they're not adults yet, and they have to deal with shit.
Right.
And once you're an adult, you shouldn't talk to inanimate objects.
Well, Doug, I'm going to tell you something.
With the way the world is right now,
the adults could use a little more
imagination, goddammit. That's what I'm saying.
Get us through the damn day.
Did you see it on, like,
did you see Magic on, like, a DVD
or Blu-ray with extras?
No, I watched it on Shudder.
Because the TV commercial for
Magic was the scariest thing about Magic
because it was just the puppet
and he says a fucked up poem that I can't
remember right now.
I know what you're talking about. Do you know it?
Yeah, because it's on the poster. Okay, say it.
Well, I don't have it memorized.
Do not paraphrase it
because a guy in the audience
knows it. Oh shit, really? Yeah, here we go.
Hang on, let me get a mic to you.
Abracadabra, I sit on his knee.
Presto chango, now he is me.
Hocus pocus, we take her to bed.
Magic is fun.
We're dead.
He recited that entire Now Joe
How do you think it goes?
I swear to god I was gonna start it with
Roses are red, violets are blue
I think my puppet
Is you
Something like that
I don't know.
I just want to give you all the prizes.
Did you bring your name tag?
Yes.
Okay, good.
So he's in the running for the prizes.
That was amazing.
What's your name?
Mason.
Mason.
I don't know why you put your hands over your mouth
to make a megaphone that made your last name intelligible.
Pardon me.
Unintelligible.
What's your last name? Kabuki?
Oh, you're Kabuki from New Orleans.
The Gookie.
Thank you, Justin.
I was in New Orleans, talked to this guy forever,
kept calling him the gookie,
and you picked up on it immediately.
He cupped his hands.
He did.
Classic gook move.
Wait, what?
I'm sorry, Sean, that you have to hear this
that's why I was uncomfortable
talking to him in the first place
or remembering it that it happened
his name is
the gookie I asked him
he has no good explanation
the gookie by the way
just recited that entire poem staring into my eyes
I'm fucking terrified.
And he's like directly in my line of vision for the whole rest of the show.
Don't go to sleep tonight.
Don't go to sleep tonight.
That's all I could say.
He knows all the creepiest movie jokes.
He's definitely, he's in your dreams. But if he said, if you came up to me and you said,
what would you call a guy
that could recite a horrific
horror movie poem from memory?
I'd go, uh, Gookie?
I don't know.
I'd call him the Baba Gookie.
Thank you for coming, everybody.
I'd call him Gookie Kooky. Thank you. coming, everybody. I call him Gooky Kooky.
What a show.
What now who's leaving?
We can't keep you guys out here.
But I love that there's enough time
in between times where you have to speak
that people can just wander off.
Come back.
As long as everybody's comfortable and happy, that's all that
matters to me. We ran
out of time, though, for Dave.
Dave and Sam.
Dave and Sam don't get to speak.
Dave, what was the last movie
you saw?
Was it Eyes Wide Shut?
Oh, shit.
Is there a joke I'm missing?
Oh, man. Oh, man.
If you haven't seen Eyes Wide Shut,
that's not a joke.
I mean, that's not a joke that would work for you.
Oh, I haven't seen it.
Have you seen Jaws?
Yeah.
I get it now.
Okay.
Same kind of deal.
What was the last movie you saw? I saw The Disaster Artist now. Okay. Same kind of deal. What was the last movie you saw?
I saw The Disaster Artist today.
It was, yeah.
Sam?
What about my plugs?
I waited so long.
What do you have to plug, buddy?
I'll be at the Go Bananas Comedy Club
December 14th through the 17th.
Cincinnati.
Yes, Cincinnati.
And also my Instagram.
It's DaveWaiteComedy.
I'm sending a lot of thirst traps on there.
Am I saying it right?
I don't know.
Thirst trap?
Yeah, it's when you trap a lady's thirst
by putting pictures of your butt.
What?
I think mostly the ladies are setting the thirst traps,
but I'm trying to equal it out.
Dave is a male thot.
Okay.
Boy, I probably needed like four
more guests. If there would have been
just, you know what I mean? If I'd have had
four more people. A little more time? Yeah.
Sam has had too much time
to think about what he's going to say.
Jesus Christ.
I've fallen asleep three times.
Thank you for wearing a tie, first of all.
I asked everybody to,
and you're the only one.
Plast it up tonight for you, Doug.
You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram
at Sam Levine, S-A-M-M.
And Schmodown on December 22nd.
The Schmodown Spectacular on Collider.
Check that out.
And then the last movie I saw, Doug, was The Post.
That's some advanced screening shit right there.
That's right.
How'd that work out for you?
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Give the Oscar to Meryl Streep immediately.
For real?
For real.
She's fucking great.
Better than Frances McDormand in Three Billboards
Outside of Big Missouri!
It's going to be a time like a test!
It's a contest!
She's phenomenal.
Hanks is phenomenal. All the supporting
actors are phenomenal.
And it's crazy because
if you're a history junkie like I am...
How's Kevin Spacey in it?
Christopher Plummer's great in it.
I mean, I know how it ends,
but it's like, you know,
the Titanic's going to crash.
Christopher Plummer got a Golden Globe nomination
for a movie he shot two weeks ago.
Life moves pretty fast sometimes, Doug.
You don't stop and look around once in a while,
you might accidentally molest Anthony Rapp.
once in a while, you might accidentally molest Anthony Rapp.
You had them on the whole thing.
Yep.
Unless it really shocks them, Doug,
they'll forget it by the time they leave.
This is recorded. That's a good point.
This is being recorded. I'll have to answer for this
someday next week.
Yeah.
But I saw the post
and I think everyone...
Is he still talking?
Doug, there's no one after me.
But I'm glad you enjoyed the post
and I look forward to seeing it.
I think you will enjoy it.
Yeah.
I don't like these movies
that get awards
before anybody can see them.
It's weird.
Like Fences?
Fences? I still don't know anyone who's seen it. It's weird. Like fences? Fences?
I still don't know anyone who's seen it.
Oh, okay.
Oh, he's up.
Ramone has a question. Do you know black
people? I know at least one.
Well, those people haven't seen.
I'm not gonna do it.
I saw...
I saw Fences last Kwanzaa. Well, those people haven't seen, I'm not going to do it.
I saw Fence's last Kwanzaa.
Thank you.
Thank you for putting a nice button on that segment.
And we can move on to the part where I say, ladies and gentlemen, my lovely guests, my 12 plus 2 guests pick
your name tags
this is the first time seeing them
and they are spectacular
there's a fox head
there's a Christmas story
is represented
there's a
I don't care for what the gookie is holding,
some sort of dessert or something.
But grab whoever's, whatever name tag leaps out of you,
and we're going to go to a brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
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today. Back to the show. All right, we're back. That was,
that was you know it varies from town to town
I'm about to go on a seven city
tour with this thing and
I gotta say
you guys were very polite
in the name tag selection process
there wasn't a lot of screaming
and yelling
and yet somehow 14
name tags were chosen.
Let's start with you, Amy, because you got the fucking fox head.
Do you really feel all right with having your face inside?
It seems clean.
It's really, talking to you is extremely uncomfortable.
The gaze of the fox, Look at the audience for a second
The gaze is disturbing
Like in an erotic way?
It really looks like you're about to leap at me
And tear me apart
Look at Sean for a second
Wait you just wanted
Okay
So you can take it off But Oh that's a Wait, you just want to... Okay.
So, you can take it off.
But... Oh, that's a...
That's a fun way to wear it.
That's a fun way to wear it.
But is there a name attached to this fox head?
Yes, the Fantastic Mr. Scott.
Okay.
It's for Scott.
Okay.
He seemed nice.
I told him I wasn't very good,
but he wanted me to pick him
anyway, so. I love it.
It's a cool fox head. Do you have
the rest of the fox costume, Scott?
Is there more to it?
No. Just the head.
Okay, so you just throw that on with a
business suit and go out on the town.
Yeah.
You found it in the alley?
So, uh, you might want to let go of that
You might want to not put it on your face
You're a bitch
Look it's all mangy in the back
Why didn't you mention that Scott
I just said you were nice
Amy I still have some of my leprosy cream left over
Sam don't touch me
I'll infect everybody
save yourselves
okay well I guess I'm playing for some asshole named Scott
so
luckily I never win
Ramon Ramon has a box full of donuts.
Yeah, from DK's Donuts.
I don't know if that has any pertinent,
if they work there.
I just am high and I want some donuts.
Are you from there, the donut place?
What's their name?
Carrie, I think.
Yeah, Carrie is in one of the donuts.
And then it spells out Doug Loves Movies.
Yeah, the donuts actually have our letters
that spell out Doug Loves Movies. I don't know if I can turn it
in a way where everyone can see it. I don't think so.
They'll spill everywhere.
But it's pretty cool. And there's a bunch of M&Ms
in there.
Look at everyone getting impressed. Look at it.
My angle works, son.
Yeah.
Wow, that's so much better
than the name tag I got.
Put those donuts on your head.
And then, typically,
they throw donuts,
but I'm going to eat several.
And then I encourage
other people to do that as well.
Yeah, by all means.
Ooh, there's one with
Cinnamon Toast Crunch on it.
There's one with
little cookie crisps on it.
There's one with Fruity Pebbles. Damn, I'm going to take that. There's a V with Cinnamon Toast Crunch on it. There's one with little cookie crisps on it. There's... I want to try the cinnamon toast crunch.
The one with Fruity Pebbles.
Damn, I'm going to take that one.
There's a V with cinnamon toast crunch on it.
Does anyone else want a letter?
Anyone have a favorite letter?
We'll just pass it around.
But that's cool,
because you already took a picture of it, right?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
We'll put that on the internet.
Did it for the gram, y'all.
Ali Donuts.
All right.
How's yours so far, Ramone?
Oh, this shit got bananas in it.
Oh, so it's a healthy donut.
It's a health food donut, you guys.
It's got banana in it.
All right, let's go to Demi.
What do you got, dude?
I have a name tag for Brie.
And it is for Live Brie or Die Hard.
Which someone on this panel is on.
And I chose it because I am constantly
defending this movie I think it's maybe
the best of the diehard shut the fuck
I love Justin long but you are out of
your mind fuck you guys you little shit
it's my it's my second favorite Die Hard movie.
What?
Is five your first?
After you're putting it higher than three.
Yeah.
Wait, you're saying three is number one?
No.
You like three just because it's got the N-word in it?
Oh, Sam.
It's the only other Die Hard movie directed by John McTiernan.
Now I know why you won't watch Fences.
Thank you.
You knew that already.
By the way,
by the way, we're not, Sam and I,
we're not just in the worst seats for like getting to tell jokes.
We had to wait for the whole thing.
Look at the shit donut selection that's left.
By the time you buy a box, it's back here.
The shit end of the donuts.
It spells God damn it.
I think they're still going to be delicious.
I'm passing.
There's one with cookie crisp on it.
Where do you see cookie crisp?
Those little cookies that are crisp.
DK's donuts.
We're plugging.
I thought they'd be stale and weird
after sitting around. They're delicious.
Soft, chewy, moist.
Yeah, they're really good.
All right, Steve, who are you playing for?
I am playing for Marie.
Marie Qualibrium.
Oh, I like that.
Also, lots of bottles of booze hanging off of that.
Yeah, it shows this for a couple of reasons.
Number one, it's got some bourbon on there,
so I'm pretty happy about that, being a Kentucky boy myself.
But also because this is my least favorite fucking film of all time.
And I believe we had an argument about this the last time I was on this show
because I said this is a Matrix ripoff,
and people in the audience were like,
no, no, that movie came first. I was like, no, fuck it didn't, said this is a Matrix ripoff and people in the audience were like, no, no, that movie came first.
I was like,
no, fuck it didn't
because it's a Matrix ripoff.
Google it.
Oh yeah.
Good story.
Can I have the Tito's?
Yeah, hang on.
Because I'm not from Texas
but I'll be in Austin
this Monday at Cap City with Jeff Tate.
Oh, are you gonna throw it really? I'm excited. I love it like whenever I see a
play or a musical where like somebody has to throw something to somebody else
and they have to catch it,
it makes me so happy that they've practiced it enough to just get it right every time.
But we did it on the first try, buddy.
I'm not going to just drink straight out of it.
Because it might have been out in the alley in a fox head.
I'm not putting my lips on anything.
It's just going straight in the gullet.
What?
Are you going to have your tester try some of it before or later?
My tester is here.
Kate, what do you got?
I'm playing for...
You got a small one.
Yeah, Mo Better Suze.
So, I think it's Suze.
When we walked on the stage, Suze was just so excited. And so, I picked Mo's Suze I just when we walked on the stage Suze was just so excited
and so I picked
Mo' Better Suze
okay
yeah
that's a great reason to do it
what do you have Ari?
I'm playing for
Jessilk Punk
Jessica
Jessica Rogers
and there was
a big delicious bag
of M&Ms attached
that got lost somewhere,
and if someone's found them, please send them back.
Excellent reason for choosing that one.
Mark Ellis, what do you got?
I have a light bright.
This is like a real light bright, too,
but for some reason reason I can only guess
Jeff
taped the thing
so I can't access
more pegs
he's not letting you
change his name on there
no
it's like a very
non-competitive battleship
there's no way
to fit any more pegs
so we just have
Jeff's name
a Christmas tree,
and I'm guessing this is snow.
Could be stars.
But there's a riddle behind it,
and I don't know what this means.
No, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it, Mark.
Wait, you've been on the show before.
There's always a shithead on the back of the name tags.
Yeah.
So that I'll say that at the end if you do not prevail.
I thought it was something Kabuki was going to have to translate.
No, no.
That's not the case.
You don't have to say it. Don't worry about it.
But Sam, thank you for jumping in there.
My pleasure.
Did Sam get a point?
With the fever of someone, lives were at stake.
If only I couldn't have stopped that.
Don't do it!
All right, Bobby, what do you got?
This. all right bobby what do you got this what is it it's a it's a it's the it's the it's the poster from a christmas story
but it says a chris lato story and um your face is superimposed on the dad from Christmas Story.
I'm not sure who the other two people are.
I'm in there.
I got the leg lamp.
I'm going to take a stab that one of them might be Chris Latto.
But you're a fan of that movie?
Is that why you picked it?
Fuck yeah, dude.
It also has Christmas lights all around it
and a battery pack.
And the people seem, I scanned the crowd for a moment.
They seem to have very nice faces.
And then they passed it up and the fucking psychopath who said the poem.
I'm just kidding.
Don't kill me.
He kind of looks like Ian McDermott a little bit.
Do you know who that is?
He played the Emperor.
Do you know who that is?
The Emperor in the Star Wars? The actor.
When he was younger,
not when he was the Emperor.
Not when he had like a prune face.
But that was weird that you did.
You're a less prune-faced
Ian McDermott.
Much less.
Much less.
Yeah, that too.
Alright.
Little Michael Rapaport in there as well.
Like if Michael Rapaport
fucked the Emperor from Star Wars.
You know, that kind of face.
So that's what I got.
I'm realizing,
the gookie's also a little
albino Kevin Pollack vibes
if you had to do
speaking of the gookie
I picked the gookies
of course I thought there'd be like
people would be clamoring to get to the gook
stop saying the shorter
I think gookie's okay for some reason
don't take it out of context, then.
And also, the most exciting thing about the Gookie stuff here
is that he explained to me the nickname, The Gookie,
and I'm embarrassed I didn't know this.
For all the Marx Brothers fans,
it's the face that Harpo Marx would make.
Remember this face?
Yeah, for some reason, people called that The Gookie.
He explained that to me the last time we were talking about this.
Still doesn't make any sense to me.
Why is it called that?
That I don't know.
That I can tell you.
But that's what it is.
And it's Mason.
Some people call it the gookie Mason.
His parents, I hope.
Christmas, Chris Mason in the stars.
It's a Star Wars Christmas album. Kind of cool. It's not the best wordplay the stars it's a Star Wars
Christmas album
kind of cool
it's not the best
wordplay
but it's good
and we have
I didn't mean to
throw that on ceremony
and this is a
Christmas version
of a Mardi Gras cake
so maybe we can
call it a
Merry Gras cake
or not
or just
a Mardi Gras
Christmas cake
yeah let's not
let's not call it anything.
Okay, all right.
Yeah.
It's the Googie.
Let's call it a day.
Okay, all right.
That's the Googie Googie.
And I think the Googie,
did you say you're going to be here tomorrow night as well?
Okay, so we'll see how he does tonight and tomorrow night.
The listeners are excited.
Most of the audience
at my shows don't have nicknames.
Especially ones that are so much
fun to say. Roy Moore
loves to say it.
What? You're groaning
that I'm pointing out
that someone else is racist?
It's been a hard day for Roy Moore.
That is a good point.
That is a good point. That is a good point.
He called for a recount,
but his horse hasn't stopped.
That poor horse.
That horse looked miserable.
He's a fat man.
So weird.
So weird to vote
and then try to ride off on a horse
when you don't even know how to ride a horse.
It's very strange.
All right, so Sean.
He should get a pony
because he'd really screw with the young chicks.
I don't know who Roy Moore is.
Can you guys explain the whole thing to me?
Oh, no.
Are you serious?
No, I'm not serious.
Good.
I'm glad you're not serious.
Who are you playing for?
He has a horse.
He's got a horse.
Roy Moore's little pony.
He's got a horse.
One Patrick Pony is who I'm playing for.
And honestly, I didn't know that was the name of a movie.
That's kind of why I picked it.
One Trick Pony, is that the name of a movie?
Yeah, it was Paul Simon.
Okay.
Yeah.
There you go.
That's all I know, it was Paul Simon. Okay. Yeah. There you go. That's all I know about it.
Paul Simon.
It's a Paul Simon movie.
He's not known for his movies, but he had a movie called One Trick Pony.
I can't do the Woody Allen thing.
So we made a movie called Annie Hall.
Yeah, he was.
Woody Allen.
Yeah.
God damn.
There it is.
All right. Thank you, Sean. I'm Patrick Pony. You're welcome. Mike doesn't Goddamn. There it is. All right.
Thank you, Sean.
I'm Patrick Pony.
You're welcome.
Mike doesn't have room.
Oh, yeah.
You got to bring one of these other ones around.
The microphone's in transit.
Here we go.
Dave, you're sitting right next to them.
Wait. This is why my last relationship ended. I mean... Wait, so Sean...
This is why my last relationship ended,
because I'm not into this shit.
So Sean is done talking.
All he had to do was pass a microphone,
and now he still has a microphone.
It wouldn't go anywhere.
I know, but why do you still need one?
I don't, I just have it.
Why did they pass it to you?
Sean Sacamai. Yeah, I just have it. Why did they pass it to you? Sean Sacamai.
Yeah, I'm playing for Phillip,
and I have a Pee Wee Herman doll
that's Phillip's Big Adventure.
And I grabbed it because I really wanted to try
and see if the pull box worked.
Hold on one second here.
Does he talk?
I don't know.
Oh, I think that's what he said in that porn theater.
What if just the poem came out of Pee Wee Herman?
Oh, that would have been the greatest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, Sean, pull it again.
You could have just done the fucking poem
And now you make me look like a fucking idiot
God damn gookie
Never trust a gookity yes and
That was a pretty good impression
Of the doll though
Jeff Tate When I went to pee Jeff Tate came up to me backstage That was a pretty good impression of the doll, though.
Jeff Tate, when I went to pee,
Jeff Tate came up to me backstage,
and he's super high.
And he goes,
do you realize what you facilitated out there?
And I go, no, what are you talking about? And he goes,
that man has been waiting his whole life
for somebody to ask him to recite that poem.
And he goes...
And he goes... and he goes,
and take,
takeos,
takeos never in history
is something so fucking useless
coming so handy.
Can I ask a serious question?
How,
why,
how,
why do you know that?
And I also need to ask,
I didn't even hear
what movie it was from.
I just all of a sudden heard you leaning on the stage reading the scariest fucking poem i'm old enough doug saw
that commercial a ton it was on hbo yeah it was a commercial played over and over again on hbo
what movie was it again it's called magic and it's about okay okay It was magic. And you look exactly, now that you lean into the light,
you look exactly like the emperor
from Star Wars.
Look, I know what I look like.
I ain't winning no prizes either, buddy.
Fuck, man.
You might be the emperor from Star Wars
and you're not saying it
because I'm being an asshole.
Hey, maybe if they keep making prequels,
maybe he's got a job.
I'll play Porkins.
Yeah.
Jason Alexander is already playing Porkins.
I'm going to have to listen to this one
because there's a lot of jokes I'm not hearing.
Joe DeRosa, who are you playing for?
This is very good.
This gentleman's name is Casey Bean,
and he made a thing that says
Pirates of the Casey Bean.
Very good.
And the reason I picked this
was because I once won Doug Loves Movies
because I was able to name every single Pirates of the Caribbean movie
plus the subtitle thing.
Whatever the fuck that's called.
The part after the colon, whatever you call that part.
The shit.
Yeah.
Dead man's chest, you know.
But I really like what he did with the poster here
because he really,
so he's got a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean here,
and he very shittily,
very shittily,
like the worst shit,
put his head on the pirates,
which this was lazy enough,
and then over here he was like,
I'm just gonna put just a big fucking picture of myself.
Not even try to blend it in with this character.
Sitting in a blue room.
Wrong time period.
It's lazy and vain.
Yes.
It's extremely vain.
All right.
Nice pick.
What drew you to it?
What's that?
Nothing.
Dave, who do you play for?
Dave, wait.
All right, how we doing?
Hey, it's my turn again.
Yeah.
Such a long time,
and it always manages to be a surprise.
I hope you
make it back tomorrow night and sit where Amy's
sitting.
I picked
Christmas with the Casey's instead
of the Cranks.
And it says,
no ho ho. It's on my theme
of War on Christmas. Remember that joke I told that didn't work like an hour ago. It's on my theme of War on Christmas.
Remember that joke I told that didn't work like an hour ago?
It's a callback to that.
They didn't write a shithead on the back,
so I'm just going to go out on a limb and say Steve Bannon's a shithead.
How about that?
Oh, a lot of Steve Bannon fans out there.
My bad.
I apologize.
All right.
I don't think they were clapping just because they heard his name.
Well, I was just implying
that he was kind of a shithead. Yeah, I think they were
with you on that. Alright. Well, maybe they're tired.
Why would they be tired?
This night is just flying by.
Sam!
I am playing for Helen Alone,
who has taken the classic Christmas movie Home Alone and took what I'm guessing was about eight and a half minutes
to put my face in your face
over the faces of Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern.
If only we were the Wet Bandits.
Which is also
a name I've never been comfortable with.
More so or less
so than the Sticky Bandits.
That's what they're called? In the second one.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, they're both
terrible names. Wet Bandit and
Sticky Bandit both sound like they should step down
from the companies they run.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Sticky Bandit both sound like they should step down from the companies they run.
Oh, here, Joe DeRosa has something to say.
Go ahead, Joe.
In the third movie,
they're called the Titty Bandits.
All right.
That was pretty good.
That was still pretty good after my...
I was ruining it, and you still
got a laugh, so good for you.
Alright, that's who everybody's playing for.
Woo-hoo!
That means we're going to get
to the game portion of the show.
I dragged all of that out because
someone wrote to me on Twitter and said that they
like the games part the best.
So I was like, well, go ahead and
wait for it, fucker.
Wait, I think they said it was the only part they liked, but whatever.
Alright. This first thing we're going to do is we're going to Wait, I think they said it was the only part they liked, but whatever. All right.
This first thing we're going to do is we're going to play a game to determine who goes first.
Ha!
Which will be followed by a single elimination, last man Stanton, but I'll explain that when we get to it.
Microphone's up.
Just yell it out if you don't have a microphone.
I think only one of you will figure it out,
and we will acknowledge you when it happens.
The game is called Purple Rain Man.
It is a movie mashup title game,
and apparently, yes, Will Smith is here.
Jada Pinkett Smith is mad that Tiffany Haddish
didn't get nominated for a Golden Globe,
and I agree.
Okay.
Thought that would get a bigger reaction,
but that's cool.
Because the Golden Globes people
didn't even watch Girls Trip.
I don't know why I'm looking at you again, Amy.
As the only black woman on the panel.
All right, so... No black woman would have ever put that fox head on.
I know that for fucking sure.
They would have worn those tights, though.
Thank you.
Why don't we get mad about that?
The title of the game is an example
of the kind of answer it'll be.
Purple Rain Man would be a mash-up
of two different movie titles.
I'll tell you, the third build people
in these two movies
that are mashed together into one title,
guess as often as you like,
and I'll tell you the second build
and first build,
and then by then,
hopefully someone will have given a correct answer.
So we guess the movie?
Yeah.
It's two movie titles mashed together.
Okay.
And they're in both movies?
Or just one?
So he's naming it.
It's people...
Like, here's the fun part about this game.
The person who wins is the one who understands it.
Yeah, you might want to have a donut
to prepare mentally.
Sam, do you understand it?
I believe I do, Doug.
Yeah, I think you do.
So like for Purple Rain Man,
you would say Apollonia and Valeria Golino.
Exactly.
Okay.
Exactly.
You would say Apollonia,
who was the third lead in Purple Rain,
and then Valeria Golino.
I just got lucky with those two movies, guys.
Yeah.
And we won't talk about... Well, cruise and the other guy no uh from the time
morris day it'd be morris day and tom cruise and then we won't talk about the top build person in
rain man yeah he's out of our lives. He was autistic.
He didn't know what he was doing.
Come on.
I mean.
Wouldn't that be a great explanation
if Dustin Hoffman was like,
I hit on those women
while I was playing Rain Man?
Uh-oh.
All I did was...
I just tried to get them
to watch me jerk off
while we were watching Jeopardy.
Too specific or too gross?
Or too everything?
All right, here we go.
The third build...
Third building people
in this movie mashup title
are Lionel Barrymore and Giorgio Cantorini.
Oh that is it. Give Justin a microphone. Go ahead. How green was my Valley of the Dolls?
Terrific guess, incorrect. I like where your head's at I like what you're doing
Sam's thinking about it
It's a wonderful life
Give a microphone to Steve Kazee please
It's a wonderful life is beautiful
That is correct
Second bill would be Donna Reed and Nicoletti Brascia,
Nicoletta Brasci,
and top bill, James Stewart and Roberto Benigni.
I want to run out into the audience
and jump up on one of your chairs in excitement.
It's a wonderful life, it's beautiful.
So Steve Kazee is going first.
Yeah.
In our massive game of Last Man Stanton.
What time is it?
Holy shit.
It's late, Doug.
It's late.
Oh, my God.
Tis the witching hour. You guys don't have jobs or anything right
wow
I mean Joe made a joke about how long
that was but seriously
somebody could have said something
earlier
I tried to yeah
you did you did you came at me too early.
All right.
So Steve is going to start us off.
And then which way is clockwise, Sam?
Come this way.
Yeah.
A little late.
Davis wants to change how clockwise works.
No, it will come to you.
So it's going to go,
Steve's going to start us off,
then Demi, and then Ramon, and Amy, et cetera.
I've chosen a name of an actor or actress,
and you're going to take turns naming movies
that that person has been in.
Correct titles only,
and if you can't think of one, you are out. that person has been in. Correct titles only.
And if you can't think of one, you are
out.
Yeah, that's right, Justin.
Trying to figure out
the money. I know you were interested in the order
and I'm saying that
gesture you just made was correct. It's going to be tough.
It's going to go in that order.
And
Steve, congratulations on getting to go first. Thanks, Doug. Because I think you're going to go in that order. And Steve, congratulations on getting to go first.
Thanks, Doug.
Because I think you're going to have an answer.
And each person, please wait until I call your name to answer,
because I like to build up the suspense.
Could you, sir, with the tie and the jacket, yes you, could you
just stand up and just make everybody feel festive?
Holy shit.
That is a festive ensemble. Who are you wearing?
Gooky.
Do you know who it is?
Oh my god.
Alright, sorry.
That's it.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm wearing a suit.
What about you?
Please no audience answers during this portion of the show.
It might go quickly.
Because the person I have chosen
has approximately 35 movie credits on IMDb.
And there's 15 people.
14 people on stage.
Steve Kazee.
Yes.
The films...
of Jennifer Aniston.
What do you got, Steve?
The breakup.
Okay.
Why would people... Why would there be any reason to be disappointed
or upset by that answer?
She is in it.
It's good.
Totally disagree.
You disagree that she is in it?
I was, it's a self-referential.
I was in it.
Okay.
Sean, grab that microphone.
Demi?
Cake.
Cake.
Let them eat it I would've saved that one
Seems like not too obvious
But Ramone
What do you got?
Office space
Uh huh
Got a lot of wear
A lot of
Flare
If you're in office space
Amy Miller
you got this
she's so perfect
now Amy
you know I do not want you
to be the first one out
I'm so tired
it's fine I have head lice
I would like you to
wait you got head lice. I would like you to... Wait.
Wait, you got head lice during the...
Don't worry about it.
I was in New York.
Oh, okay.
That was just for Joe DeRosa.
But just...
Just try again.
Take another swing at it.
That's not what it's called?
Jennifer Aniston.
Picture perfect.
Yes.
That's what I meant!
I really thought I'd have to talk you through that
and you course corrected beautifully.
Sam Levine.
You know what? She is
picture perfect and she's also a
rock star.
Okay.
She's not the titular character, but I
get it.
Dave, wait.
Horrible bosses.
Uh-huh.
That opens up some doors.
One door, anyway.
Joe DeRosa?
Rumor has it.
Oh, that is a rough one.
It's not an easy movie to sit through,
and I have seen everything Kevin Costner's been in.
Sean Sacamai.
I'm going to have to take it.
You're going to have to what?
Horrible Bosses 2.
Yes, of course you're going to take it.
You've got to play, man.
Sean?
Jordan.
Leprechaun, right?
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
You guys are pulling out some oldies.
He's just saying feeling you no more.
He's just not that into you.
He's just not that into you.
Someone said that to me once.
Justin, I need a final answer.
No more fucking around.
What?
He's just not that into you.
Someone did say he ain't feeling you no more and called it that. I thought it was a better title. Should have been that? He's just not that into you. Someone did say he ain't feeling you no more
and called it that.
I thought it was a better title.
Should have been that.
He's just not that into you.
Okay.
You were in that movie.
How did you forget the title?
Wait, you're in that one?
You're in He's Just Not That Into You?
Big time.
Okay.
Okay.
I thought you were in that one about cross-country romance
with Drew Barrymore.
It's the same.
Going the distance.
Can you imagine the number of men who turn that on thinking
it's going to be about boxing?
So disappointed.
Bobby, the films
dude don't be the first one out
the films of Jennifer Aniston
I have two I'm trying to decide which one to
okay okay
save one
save the
I'm gonna go with
along came Polly
yes
but I have another one Oh God, what if I'm wrong? Fuck it. Along Came Polly? Yes!
But I have another one.
Don't use it.
It's a long way around, so good luck on that.
Mark Ellis?
I'm going to say Mother's Day.
Yes. Yes.
It's always confusing whether people are applauding for the movie or you.
Or both.
Wanderlust?
Oh, Ari in with Wanderlust.
I like it.
Kate?
Good Girl?
The Good Girl?
Yes.
I gave you the Alex Trebek finger. Good Girl. Yes.
I gave you the Alex Trebek finger.
Good Girl, Good Girl, where is it on my list?
It's in here somewhere.
I know it is.
All right, I'll find it later maybe when I'm home.
Steve?
We are the Millers.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
What's it called?
We are the Millers.
No, what's it called?
Let's say you're in a hurry.
No, it's time for me to go home, really.
We are the Millers.
I don't know.
What?
Really?
I'll collect them.
That's the hill you're going to die on?
Listen, hand him back the microphone.
If you were in a hurry and you needed to say,
we are the Millers quicker.
Oh, we're the Millers.
I'm sorry that I pronounced things correctly.
Sorry.
I do not believe in contractions.
That is not my thing.
Oh, there's the good girl.
Good girl.
Demi?
I really wanted to save this, but the Iron Giant.
Yes.
Animation is always a good pull to go the animation route.
Ramon!
You guys are doing great, by the way.
I'm not.
She played Rachel on Friends. I'm familiar
with that.
I'm trying to think of old nose movies versus
new nose movies.
of old nose movies versus new nose movies.
Oh, man.
This is a real shot in the dark because I really don't know any more movies,
but The First Wives Club.
Don't know why she'd be in that.
I don't know.
She's not a peer of those actresses.
Just like a side young,
Maybe like a young lady or something.
Yeah, no.
Like a thought, like Dave Waite,
just on the side.
I'm sorry, dude.
Thank you, and I apologize for
knocking you out first.
Thank you, Ramon Rivas II.
Was there a sound effect?
Oh, shit.
There's a cannon that goes off like the Hunger Games.
But we're going to let him live.
And I've got
his shithead right here.
So I will read that at the end.
And now
we're back to Amy.
Hey, Doug. We are
the Millers.
What do you think?
You can do this.
We're still the Millers.
I'm sure it's in development.
The edge of reason.
I'm sure that's in development.
Yeah, nothing.
But for reals?
No, fuck Scott dude
at least
you can get away from that dirty fox head
thank you guys
Merry Christmas
we'll see you at the party backstage
there won't be a party
by LA standards
this is fucking late
Sam
speaking of parties
how about an office
Christmas party
might be the only
actor in history
that's in two movies
with office
in the title
usually doesn't
mean fun
but yeah I like that movie office in the title usually doesn't mean fun.
But yeah, I like that movie.
Dave?
Oh, man.
There's like the movie where she got
the wrong jizz.
Uh...
I think it's
called The Switch.
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Really thought you were going to pull that one out.
So to speak.
Joey D!
I've got two in my head
and I'm not sure if she's in either of them.
Oh, no. Let me help you out.
She's not in JFK.
God damn it.
Come on.
You can pick the right one.
That wasn't a clue.
She's the one, Ed Burns?
She's the one, yes.
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! clue she's the one it burns she's the one yes yes what's wrong Sam okay Sam likes to write him down you guys if you're wondering if he's over here Cheating. I think you and I have different definitions of the word cheating. We do.
And I'm glad yours is off mic.
Sean Sacabay.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, Phillip, I'm going to have to tap out on this one.
Really?
Yeah, I'm struggling right now.
Come on.
She was in that one where you were like, oh, there she is. With those people
in that thing.
So it's first three out, get to come back
tomorrow, is that right?
Yeah, yeah, the first three
out. That'd be a great
way for me to do this.
Let's see how the shittiest players do
in another attempt. Let's see how the shittiest players do in another attempt.
Let's give them another
try.
Man, um...
I got nothing. I'm gonna go...
Give me a title that you think she might be in.
Like Adventures in Babysitting.
I'm gonna go with
Shot in the Dark.
Extract, small part. I know she's not in it.
Extract?
Yeah.
I know she's not in it.
No, she's not in that.
Thank you, Sean Sacamai.
And thank you to Justin Long
for taking off
the offensive Asian stereotype
that I threw out earlier.
I don't know what all that was about.
All right.
Just give me your name tag and go.
Thank you.
Yeah.
In a quiet...
Yuki really nailed it when he did that impression.
Hey, Doug, do you remember the second version of that doll
where the pull string was on the front?
Folks.
Oh, that would have been a good late night joke back then.
It's pretty late.
All right.
Oh, wait.
Whose turn is it?
Me.
Sean?
You're in Shop Girl?
What?
That's my way of saying no.
That was in my head
for some reason.
I got nothing.
Shop Girl.
All right.
Well, maybe Good Girl,
Shop Girl.
Thank you, Sean Jordan.
Good job, man. I knew this would go pretty fast once we got to this part
that's why I was stalling
cause I
Marley and me
I love all of you
Justin
Marley and me
what's that
she and Marley and me
no
no
no
she's not
oh yeah
she's in it
of course she's in it.
Of course she's in it.
It's fucking Marley and me.
Might be one of her biggest movies.
Is she in Marley and me?
I know she's not in me, myself, and I. She's in Star Wars, The Last Jedi.
Fuck spoilers.
I've seen it.
It's true.
She's a porg.
She is not a porg.
Bobby,
did your title last all the way around?
No, it got...
Sam got it, and then I had Marlene Me,
and then Josh got it.
But he's a good guy, and I like him still.
So you got nothing?
I'm going to go Leprechaun 2.
I don't know if that's a real thing or not.
No, she's not a bad...
Well, go fuck yourself.
Okay.
Bobby Boyden, man!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Merry Christmas, Bobby.
Mark Ellis.
Yeah, I'm going to go with a Jim Carrey classic, Bruce Almighty.
Bobby's backstage yelling fuck
I don't know if he
That was my other one
Who wants to think about that movie again
You got to see the last half hour
So do I host now or do you want this mic back?
Ari? Ari?
Friends the movie.
friends the movie they're friends and they're in a movie
good night you guys thank you so much
yeah thank you
so now what told you movies were gonna be this
oh my goodness they'll all see you in the next couple of days two movies were going to be this one.
Oh my goodness.
I'll see you in the next couple of days.
Wait, what is that?
What kind of threat is that?
She's trying to leave and Justin Long's like, I'll see you in a couple
of days.
Was that Justin or Kabuki?
All right, Kate.
Is there a movie called Other People's Money or something like that?
There is movies with titles like that.
And Justin is losing his mind.
He's walking it off.
But that specific title, Other People's Money, is losing his mind. He's walking it off. Are you in that movie?
But that specific title,
Other People's Money,
is not correct.
It is a movie, though.
Yes, of course,
but Jennifer Aniston's not in it.
Other People and the Friends movie.
Part two, part two.
I don't know.
Thank you, K. Maguchi!
Turn in your name tag and go.
Wait, what?
Why is this shit blinking all of a sudden?
Is my table ready?
Finally getting into that P.F. Chang's that closed
over at the Beverly Center.
Steve Cousy!
Was she in Trolls?
What?
I don't know.
It seems like she would do a voice in that movie.
Oh, the animated film. The animated film.
No, no, no.
All right, cool.
Thanks, guys.
Thank you, Steve Kazee.
Steve Kazee.
I'll see you in the next couple days.
We'll see you around, Steve.
This one doesn't have a shithead on the back.
What happened there?
Too busy hanging bottles on it?
Equilibria or Mary Equilibrium?
Do you have a shithead?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, he's my least favorite Osmond as well.
Alright.
I should have said Wahlberg, but whatever.
Demi.
Did somebody already say Rumor Has It?
Yep.
Fuck.
Is she in The Bounty Hunter?
Okay, so no.
She is.
Oh!
What a fucking Kwanzaa miracle this has been.
Thank you.
Oh, no, wait.
She wasn't in that.
Doug, I already fell into the donuts.
Don't take this from me.
No, she's in it with what's-his-name.
Sam?
We need a mic back here.
That doesn't sound good. Wrote down 23 movies.
They've all been set.
For reals?
For reals.
Whoa. 23 movies, they've all been sent. For reals? For reals.
Whoa.
Sounds like you might not have another one.
That is what we're looking at here, Doug.
So, if she was in Mother's Day... Oh, I like where you're headed.
If she was in Mother's Day...
Oh, I like where you're headed.
I'm going to go ahead and say she was also in Valentine's Day.
New Year's Day, I mean.
Wait, which one? Which one?
I'll go with New Year's Day.
Are you absolutely sure?
Of course not.
Would you like to change it? Hey Bobby
I was going to cheat and try and tweet Justin
But I don't have his number
I'm rooting for you
I love you guys
Oh thanks man
See you in a few days Bobby I'm rooting for you. I love you guys. Oh, thanks, man.
See you in a few days, Bobby.
Bobby doesn't have any of your numbers.
But that would have been a fun gag.
Yep.
Nobody's ever done that before.
I never thought of that,
that an eliminated guest could text to the... Right.
I think if anyone pulled their phone out here,
that would be actual cheating, Doug.
Well, Justin had his out.
Really?
Yeah, joking around.
Hey, hey.
All right.
All right, so you're going
with which one?
I'm going to go with
the New Year's Day.
Not in it.
Thank you, Sam Levine.
Sam Levine.
I'm not going to dignify the Valentine's Day thing with an answer.
She could be in it.
It's a possibility.
I'm just going to go ahead and give that to you.
Dave Wayne, thank you!
And it doesn't have a shithead on the back.
I know.
Yeah.
Where is this person?
Where is Casey at?
What's yours?
What's your shithead?
Anybody you want to call a shithead.
I'll say Jennifer Aniston movies.
Oh, okay.
Well, that's no fun.
She might be here tonight.
Be more specific.
Like, what kind of movies? Joe, how you doing over there?
You seem a little pained, maybe.
I mean, this is a big moment.
If I get one, I stay in.
If I go out, here's your three for tomorrow.
Okay.
If that's how you want to look at it.
Can I ask?
I see it a different way.
Can I ask Justin one question in case I get eliminated?
After.
Okay.
I believe before the Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston romance broke up,
they were in a film called Four Christmases Together.
Oh, you mean when she was playing the role of Reese Witherspoon?
Fuck!
Fuck!
God damn it!
Joe DeRosa, thank you.
But also, Joe,
Joe, please have a seat.
Have a seat?
Yeah, stay with us.
Okay.
Not one, not two, but three, not four.
I'm going to say just go with it.
Just go with it.
Wow.
That is a deep pull.
I don't, yeah, I refuse to acknowledge that movie.
Mark Ellis?
Well, I was going to say, just go with it, Doug.
Oh, shit.
However, sometimes you pray, and you hope, and you dream at this time of the year,
and sometimes something happens inside you, and we call that pregnancy.
And the miracle of pregnancy is that it's not what a man
and a woman love each other.
It's quite a wind-up.
Is this a preview for Canadian Candy?
A baby is born only when a stork
flies it to its mother.
So I'm going to go
with the cinematic classic
Storks.
Yes.
I heard Steve say Trolls, and I was like, damn it, that gave it away to somebody else.
A lot of people don't know this, but Storks is the sequel to She's the One.
Debbie. Come on, Debbie.
Come on, Debbie.
I don't need to, though. You got this.
Okay.
I love the way you just pull them out.
Yeah, that's what got me.
Just grab one.
Oh, that's what got my boss Harvey in trouble.
I'm going to say...
Your boss?
Because remember three hours ago
when I joked that the show I was working on
was a Harvey Weinstein show?
I am going to...
Just answer me, two hats.
All right, first of all,
I'm going to put on this fox head and make it...
Oh, shit.
Dirty alley fox head. And then I'm going to put on this fox head and make it. Oh, shit. Dirty Alley fox head.
And then I'm going to give my answer, which is The Incredibles.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I got nothing.
No.
No, because the only movie that is in my head right now, I know she was not in.
And it's The Holiday.
No, she's not in that.
So that's fine.
She was like.
You know, I've had a great time, so...
That's the important thing.
Alright, we're down
to just Justin and Mark,
but Demi, please stay in your seat
for reasons I'll explain shortly. Justin?
I believe
she was in the Nicole
Hollerthalhanham movie
Friends with Money
that's right
Nicole Hollerford
Friends with Money
nicely done Justin
we're back to Mark Ellis
after the Storks answer I think he's probably
got I think he's got more
I'm waiting for a baby to happen that was a pretty good pull I don't think it's got more. I'm waiting for a baby to happen.
That was a pretty good pull.
I don't think it's coming this time.
Really?
No.
This is going to be it.
Is it, though?
I mean, there's no such thing as losing to Justin Long.
I mean, just getting to sit next to him is quite an honor.
I think it's an honor for him to meet the Titty Banger, but...
Titty Bandit.
Please put some respect on his name. It's the Bandit.
Isn't there supposed to be a wrench in there, too, or something?
I'm just moving the prizes closer to the winner.
You got anything?
Maybe something that's like,
I got a really big cast.
Maybe she's in it
because there's a ton of people in it.
Yeah, I'm going big cast.
But not New Year's Day.
We've established that.
Yeah, she did blackface for Hotel Rwanda.
Oh, boy.
What was your shithead again? I forgot.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Anything?
No, I'll say...
Say, it's all about Steve.
If I'm going down, I'm going down.
There's nothing called that.
But there is a Sandra Bull bullock movie called all about
steve sorry i messed that title up everybody yeah um yeah you could have said derailed you
could have said object of my affection you could have said life of crime management dream of the
a insomniac she's funny that way or, or something called The Thin Pink Line,
whatever the hell that was,
Till There Was You,
and Uncredited Dancer in McDonald's
in Mac and Me.
So you guys did a pretty good job
of cleaning all that up
and getting most of her titles,
so congratulations on that.
And Justin Long is our winner!
The Gookie!
Gookie.
But, interesting wrinkle,
Justin Long has a huge benefit concert tomorrow night at
the Fonda Theatre here in Hollywood so you can't be here tomorrow night so that
means returning guests tomorrow night will be Mark Ellis, Joe DeRosa, and Demi, I'm a JGPJ.
Because you three can make it back.
Yeah, I mean, really, we could just stay.
It probably starts in about an hour.
Let's just hang out for a few minutes.
And then we'll do it.
But let's get, just for honor of tonight, let's get a cannon fire for Mark Ellis, Joe DeRosa,
Demi Adjibay.
Alright, fuck mine up.
What is happening?
And yeah, Justin,
who are you playing for?
Will Mason, yeah.
This is another one without a shithead on the back.
The Pirates one. What's your shithead?
The second half of Elf.
The second half of Elf?
Oh, Justin agrees.
We've talked about it.
Wait, so your shithead is
LeFou?
Wasn't worth it. It's cool. You can cut that out.
I got it. I got it.
I don't need that stuff.
Yeah, but we do need the person you played for to come up and get all their prizes.
Where are you at?
Oh, it's the fucking Gookie.
I forgot it's the Gookie.
Are you here with anybody?
There's so much shit for you to carry.
I don't know how you're going to do it.
But congratulations, dude.
Oh, he's going to share.
He's going to pass stuff out to people in the crowd.
Be sure to visit Amy Miller in the courtyard.
And who else is going to sell stuff?
Dave Waite, maybe?
Oh, Ramon.
Ramon's going to sell some stuff.
And yeah, let's hear it for everybody.
You know, come back and get your peewee back and your fox head back.
And thank you to everybody for coming out.
Thank you to Largo.
Thank you in advance for everybody who comes back tomorrow
night.
Jeff Tate was here in the wings
tonight, but he will be back
competing tomorrow night, and it should be pretty
exciting. And
as always,
Jennifer Aniston
movies
that people couldn't remember are a shithead.
Is that how it goes?
Donnie, someone named Donnie is a shithead.
What was the other one I just got from somebody?
Second Half of Elf. L.A. Traffic is a shithead.
Justin's enjoying the spoils of his gookie win.
Gets to enjoy that cake what breakups are a shithead okay sorry that we brought up the movie the breakup I
hope he didn't trigger anything Hollywood bowl traffic is a shithead.
The skin that congeals on top of my tasty soup is a shithead.
Should have read that one last.
Amy Adams is a shithead.
Still Donald Trump.
Olaf's Frozen Adventure is a shithead.
And Alabamans who voted for Moore but he still lost
are a shithead.
Thank you. Cocky, there's no room in this heart for you Cause Doug loves movies
Thank you so much!
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