Doug Loves Movies - Brendon Walsh, Chad Daniels, and DC Pierson Guest
Episode Date: July 14, 2013Live from the Varsity Theater in Minneapolis, MN, Doug welcomes Brendon Walsh, Chad Daniels, and DC Pierson to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy ...Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, creamy babies, sticky seeds
With 50 ads and 5 more kernels in his teeth
There's still not more than he wants in the Marvel movies Hey everybody
Wrong side of the paper Hey, everybody.
Wrong side of the paper.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
We love movies!
I knew you'd come through.
We're coming to you from the Varsity Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota,
on Friday, July 12th, 2 Oceans 13.
Let me see your name tags.
Oh, wow.
I knew there'd be a lot of them.
I should make a vine of this.
This is ridiculous.
This puts every other city to shame, I think.
I got to vine this.
This is unbelievable.
Get some of you guys.
Get some of you over there.
Got a nice racist sign up front.
Ha ha!
Oh, that's a good vine, you guys.
I didn't even mention any of them, but there are a lot of good ones.
Fargo 2, cool as Bryce.
Half what?
Jaked.
Half jaked instead of half baked.
I get it.
People are holding their signs up again.
Dumb stoner.
Why didn't he mention my hoverboard the first time I held it up?
He doesn't care about the future at all.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief.
Tweets about movies.
At Harry Says Schtick. S-H-T-I-C-K, Harry Says Schtick tweeted,
The most believable villain in Red 2 is natural causes.
Good job, Harry.
This has been Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
From the corrections department,
I know it was Mel Gibson and not Kurt Russell
who co-starred with Goldie Hawn in Bird on a Wire,
but I am loathe to say the name Mel Gibson.
I'll just replace him with some other actor
every time his name comes up.
I love Josh Duhamel in Braveheart
when he had all that blue stuff on his face
when he blew himself.
I got an interesting prize bag for you guys tonight
because, of course, the guests brought some cool things,
but I brought something that I think you're really going to cherish
or make some money off of.
That's right, because the winner tonight is going to get a poster,
a limited edition poster that's got all the names of the comedians
that performed at South by Southwest in Austin, Texas last March.
But it's by an artist who apparently, you know, a limited edition poster by this artist has some value to it that I wasn't aware of.
Some guy wrote to me on Twitter.
He's like, hey, what'd you do with that poster?
And I was like, I think I threw it out or
gave it away or some
shit. And the guy's like, that poster
is worth some money. That's too bad that you did that.
But he used harsher language.
He was like, you stupid fuck!
No, no, he was
cool about it, but I could tell he was sad.
And his name is
at philspenser76 on Twitter. And I and his name is at Phil Spencer 76 on
Twitter and I wrote his name on the tube of the poster whoever wins tonight
contact him because I think you could get a nice chunk of change I think you
could sell it to the guy I mean mean, we're talking, I'm talking like hundreds, hundreds.
So negotiate wisely.
And then we got some things from the guys
that are coming out here in a second.
I'll tell you about that.
And of course,
copies of my two most recent albums,
the current one,
Gateway Doug and Smug Life.
And also a $10,
pales next to the poster, also a $10, pails next to the poster,
but a $10 gift card for iTunes
so you can go buy premium episodes
of Doug Loves Movies
and Benson Interruption,
or buy whatever you want with it.
Buy some fucking Kelly Clarkson.
I don't give a shit.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
Let's get my guests out here.
What do you say?
Please give a big, big, warm Minnesota welcome to my friends D.C. Pearson, Chad Daniels, and Brendan Walsh!
Check!
Check!
Check!
Here we go.
Hey guys Hello
What's up?
That's DC Pearson everybody
First what's up out of the gate
Did a show with me last night
At Acme Comedy Club here in town
We had a great time
Right?
I don't want to speak for both of us
I could tell Doug really enjoyed it I had some reservations time. Right? I don't want to speak for both of us.
I could tell Doug really enjoyed it. I had some reservations.
Yeah,
too much fun. It's like there's such a thing as
too many laughs, you know?
Yeah, and it was
too big of a parking lot.
After the show.
They just have a tiny one out back here.
We'll make do.
And DC brought a copy of his young adult novel,
Crap Kingdom,
that he forgot to bring one,
so he had to go into a bookstore
and purchase his own book.
I am selling incredibly well among me.
Hey, it was in the store.
It was there, yeah.
That's great.
There were two of them,
so if you don't win,
you can go and get it,
and you can buy one
from the eccentric old lady
that works at the downtown Barnes & Noble
that insisted that I had been in there
every day this week.
She was like, you should get a Barnes & Noble card.
I was like, I don't really need one.
She's like, but you're in here so much.
And I was like, no, I'm not.
And she's like, yes, you are.
That's a very popular look.
Who said that?
Was that Chad Daniels?
Chad Daniels, everybody.
Hello.
Chad. Chad. Wore my Daniels, everybody. Hello.
Chad.
Chad.
Wore my walleye shirt for you guys.
It's fucking summertime in Minnesota, bitches.
Weather patterns.
What did you say?
Weather patterns.
I love how you use the exact same voice. What did you say? Weather patterns. I love how you use the exact same voice.
What did you say?
Weather patterns.
Well, this is a whole audience. You're on stage, but it somehow sounded like you were in the back of the audience.
I know, man.
I'm good at it.
Amazing.
Fake voices.
You throw your voice really well.
Yeah, man.
Quit yelling out, person in the back. But that's Brendan Walsh, everybody.
But I was saying that, you know, Chad Daniels drove here to be with us today. Sure. I live in Minnesota. Because you live in, what's the name of the city you live in?
Fergus Falls, it's called.
You shut the fuck up.
Why are you that excited about it?
It's a nice town.
I like it.
Says the woman who doesn't live there.
You'll hear from me when I have it. Says the woman who doesn't live there. You'll hear from me when I have opinions.
Only Brendan may speak for the audience.
I'm falling off a cliff.
Oh, that's a good one.
Thank you.
And then after you trail off,
you have to wait a little while and then just go.
Have you been in a movie, Chad? I always look up, people who haven't been on the show before, I look up your IMDB usually.
Nope, but thanks.
Because IMDB.
What a great time to find that out.
You should be in films.
I thought you were a movie star up until...
He IMDb'd you today.
Wait, I was thinking of a different chapter.
Direct-to-video rip-off of Fargo called Fergus.
Made by the Cohan brothers.
I was thinking of Chad Dawson.
He's in a movie, right?
Fargo, they're already working on Fergus 2, Cool as Bryce.
Have you been to the movies lately?
That's my next question to you, Chad Daniels.
I haven't.
We have two months of summer, so I fish and golf.
It rained, so I went to... One day I went to whatever the not Zorro, what's it called?
The guy with the not Zorro.
They might have made a little bit more money if they went with that.
What's the guy with the mask?
Oh, thank God, finally, a movie, Sun's Zorro.
What's the guy with the mask, Johnny Depp?
Yep, Lone Ranger, yes.
We all know what he's talking about.
And then I went to Despicable Me 2.
All girls on that reaction.
I want to fuck a minion!
Yeah, girls love minions because they like anything.
They'll just go to work and start giggling and just get all up in there.
Those minions, when you watch those movies,
they'll try anything.
They're like sentient anal beads.
I said it.
I said it.
If that...
They just keep popping out.
Okay, okay.
If that isn't quoted somewhere,
a DC person says that the minions are like sentient anal beads,
then the system is flawed.
People are paying attention to the wrong things.
If that happens.
So you took the kids to Despicable Me 2.
Took my daughter and my son to the Lone Ranger.
Oh, okay.
So wait, wait.
I fucking keep everything separate.
Did you run back and forth between the two theaters?
Nope, I keep everything separate. One waits in the car, then we go to the movie.
Is the car running?
No.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you don't want to leave a kid with a car they could drive away in.
They're kids, not dogs.
Oh, you could leave it running if it's a dog. That's a good point.
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, you're right it running if it's a dog That's a good point Absolutely
Yeah
Yeah, you're right
I'm an idiot
You can leave the air on for a doggy
Even maybe show him how to adjust it
He can probably only turn it off
But that's an option
This is like
I'm trying to think of a combination
Between Air Bud and Fast Five
Air Five Nope I'm trying to think of a combination between Air Bud and Fast Five.
Air Five?
Nope.
Doug looked at me and shook his head like,
I already ran the numbers. Doesn't add up.
Let it be, kid.
The best you're going to get is Fast Bud, and that's not very good.
That actually sounds like a Doug Benson album.
Yeah. Fast Bud.
I know that DC went to the movies today.
I couldn't join you because I was busy masturbating.
But what did you see today?
I saw a little independent film called Pacific Rim.
And that was all guys.
We've got to really... I want to fuck those robots
Wait so are any of the robots
Would it be giving away anything to say
With the gender of the robots
The robots are not gendered
Because they're piloted by people
And women and men pilots They can be gendered because they're piloted by people. But the pilots aren't women.
Yeah, they can be.
There are female pilots of the robots,
which are called Jaegers.
At a certain point,
this is just going to be me explaining the movie.
Like I'm trying to pitch my girlfriend on seeing it,
and she's like, no, still no.
Plus, in the middle of the fight,
you don't want somebody going,
don't punch me in my robot pussy.
But it could be a chick driving a dude robot, though, right?
Yeah.
That is the worst Prince lyric ever.
That's what I was getting at, is that there's girls inside some of the robots.
Girls inside them, but they have no gender themselves.
But are they hot girls?
What do they got in there?
Like a Michelle Rodriguez?
Is she in there?
There is an attractive
Asian lady
that pilots them.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Maybe in the sequels
we'll get M-Rod in there.
Who?
Michelle Rodriguez.
You're not up
on her tabloid nicknames?
No, that sounded like a baseball player to me.
Like a lesser A-Rod?
Yeah.
Like the 14th best A-Rod or whatever?
Whatever letter of the alphabet that is?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm playing some double A-Ball.
I'm a fan of D-Rod.
F-Rod is lame.
I'm a fan of D-Rod F-Rod is lame
Get an F-Rod in there
A Minion working
You're gonna come
That's what they should have
Operating the big robots
In Pacific Rim
Is Minions
Minions?
Someone should do
Someone should do a mashup
Stop getting Billy Crystal
Oscars ideas
What? Minions piloting this Jaeger in Pacific Rim And then he dances Someone should do a mashup. Stop giving Billy Crystal Oscars ideas.
What? Minions piloting this Jaeger in Pacific Rim.
And then he dances.
That's a great idea, actually.
Thanks. They didn't laugh because they're young.
Old people are going to shit.
All of us are.
Eventually.
Brendan, have you been to the cinema lately?
Yeah.
I went and saw...
Nice talking to you, buddy.
Yeah, I went down there.
I went down to the cinema.
You saw what?
I saw...
This is the End. Good movie, right? Yeah, it went down there. I went down to the cinema. You saw what? I saw This is the End.
Good movie, right?
Yeah, it's great.
Super funny.
Yeah, very funny.
I think that's all I've seen in the theater lately. But I have discovered...
Has anybody ever seen Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3?
I swear to God, I'm not trying to be funny.
I didn't even know they got to 3.
They had to finish the trilogy, Doug.
Yeah. It's fucking great. I'm not trying to be funny. I didn't even know they got to three. They had to finish the trilogy, Doug. It's fucking great.
I watched part two.
Wait a minute.
Have you seen them all?
Well, Netflix streaming,
the first one's not available like
every other movie.
You're not going to cop up
$3.99 for an iTunes rental?
Well, I might. I just started getting into part two last night
because that's available.
I wasn't totally paying attention to it,
so I can't give it a real review.
But it's still dogs being made to do stuff
for an hour and a half.
It's pretty great.
They're like...
Because they do the fake mouth with CGI.
We all know that.
Oh, they don't just give them all peanut butter?
But even though it's a CGI mouth, that's a real dog dressed like, you know, like a mariachi guy.
So it is still offensive to Latinos.
That's good.
I'm glad they didn't lose that thread.
Well, George Lopez is the main dude in it.
Again, offensive to Latinos.
Did I stutter?
He's married to a dog who's a model.
She's always on photo shoots.
And then one time...
I did like half a spit take.
I didn't want to waste all of that vodka,
but I had to get rid of some of it.
I'm telling you, if you have Netflix,
fucking part three.
She says one part, so she's like,
you know, she's a famous dog model. Fuck you.
This is like eight and a half with dogs.
George Lopez, Poppy is with dogs. George Lopez.
Poppy is his name.
The dog.
His name is Poppy?
P-A-P-I.
No, his name is Poppy.
You, Poppy.
Hi, Poppy.
Hola.
Is there ever any wordplay with Poppy and Puppy?
You know, I haven't seen the first ones.
They probably set all that up.
They probably exhausted it in the first one. Yeah. Then moved on to other stories in the first one. They probably set all that up. They probably exhausted it in the first one.
Yeah.
Then moved on to other stories in the second one.
So in the second one, what happens?
Does he find out who his real dad is?
I wasn't fully paying attention to the second one last night.
I just kind of had it on in the background.
But it explained, because there's a gay pug in there, too.
And I didn't realize he was returning in the third one when he came out.
There's a gay pug
and he comes in like,
hello!
I have fabric samples!
Because they're trying
to throw a party
for the little dog.
Oh, it's so good.
And then George Lopez,
Poppy,
asks his wife,
his model wife,
he's like,
hey, can we go do something tomorrow?
She's like, I can. I have a ribbon-biting ceremony.
Honestly, that's good.
It's fucking great!
That's good.
With all this detail, do you really believe it was on in the background?
No, no, no.
He watched this fucking thing with the script.
I watched part three twice.
Full attention.
Part two I had on last night, So part two I can't vouch for totally
But every time I looked at the TV
It was pretty fucking funny
So
I'm gonna say
Watch part three tonight when you go home
And then if you want
Just roll right into part two
Probably won't be disappointed Do you think there'll be a fourth Or does it end in a satisfying Well you know what And then if you want, just roll right into part two.
Probably won't be disappointed.
Do you think there'll be a fourth or does it end in a satisfying... Well, you know what?
I've been thinking about that.
I forgot I was going to look for them on Twitter.
Because, you know, not only like...
Okay, whatever.
I would love to audition to fucking be in one of those movies.
You did.
I would be a fucking PA on one of those movies.
That would be the fucking coolest movie set.
There's a bunch of dogs.
And then they get dirt on a poodle.
They got this poodle standing there.
And George Lopez and his kids are all fucking around.
And then this dirt just flies onto the poodle and gets all dirty.
It can't be dirty because it's a fancy poodle.
But I was just thinking about the making of that.
It was like, okay, an action.
There's a dog sitting there. And there's just a guy with a handful of dirt.
Just fucking throws it at a dog.
And then you got a guy come and vacuum the dog off and then you fucking do it again.
Like it just means such a great thing to work on in any capacity.
Does it still have the no animals were harmed thing at the end?
You know what?
I didn't.
I never checked.
That's something you want to check on.
Either way.
Now, if they harm an animal, do they have to say, like, one of them got its paw stepped on?
But besides that, cat got its tail rocked on by a rocking chair, but that wasn't even in the movie.
But full disclosure, that happens.
No, they have to put it at the very beginning of the movie.
It has to just say in big letters, animals were injured making this film.
Enjoy.
Don't forget about the snack bar.
But, yeah, now I'm intrigued.
I think you're insane.
I can't imagine enjoying those movies.
Entertaining.
I'll check it out now.
Yeah, somebody's gonna.
Yeah, they should.
Hopefully they listen to this.
I would really like to.
Who's they?
The people who made it.
Oh, those people?
The people who made it. those people The people who made it
They love your description of
Yeah then they fucking throw dirt on this dog
What if there's no dirt dog scenes?
There is one
No I mean in the next one
It's all dirt dog scenes
They'll still be doing stuff
There'll still be dogs
Like there's gonna be a bunch of dogs hanging out.
Do you really think
this is how you get on movies?
That'd be great, wouldn't it?
Crazier things have happened.
I watched a movie,
now I want to be in it.
So where do I go?
I don't even want to be...
I'll fucking...
I'll just hang out.
I came very close this very year.
I was super close to being in a movie that's like what you're describing,
a movie where it's all dogs doing stuff, but with a few human actors.
And I was going to get to be in it.
And the premise was it was like Home Alone,
but dogs are protecting a house instead of one small boy.
Is it three dogs on each other's shoulders
pretending to be a boy?
Yeah, they put a coat on.
They have a newspaper.
No, it's just dogs that are just smart
and know what to do,
and they know some other animals in the neighborhood.
The financing fell through on the movie,
and it didn't happen.
But I was cast as a burglar.
That's great.
They would have to, like, at one point,
the dog traps me in the shower and turns the water on
and there's no...
It's like the glass goes all the way to the ceiling,
so he's basically just,
I'm going to drown to death because of this fucking dog.
That would have been so much fun.
I think you could talk Brendan into funding it.
Well, that's the other thing, though,
is that they were having a little trouble casting it
because it was very low budget,
but now that I know that I have a friend
with an enthusiasm for doing things with trained animals,
I'll see if they have room for you,
if they ever get the budget together.
Oh, man, that would be great.
Thanks, Doug.
So that's your answer to what movies you've seen lately?
Well, Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 and 3.
Well, Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3, and this is the end.
They should have called the second one Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2.
Right?
Where were you?
3, 4, boo.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua Boo.
Like put it in the title of the movie.
Chihuahua.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
Oh, Brendan's up.
Well, no, I have,
I figured out a gif backstage.
Oh, okay, good.
Do you want to know what it is now, or do you do it then?
You can tell me that.
It's complicated.
It's like one of those showcases on The Price is Right.
Oh, he's on his feet, everybody.
Well, I'm going to give them to you, right?
Oh, okay, yeah.
I thought you were standing up to describe it to everybody.
Well, it's like one of those showcases on The Price is Right where there's a lot of traveling.
There's a MetroCard with money still on it for the New York subway
system.
That's a good reason to
go on a trip to New York.
Get to New York. Get there.
Take the subway to
JFK. Get yourself a Starbucks
coffee. There's a
card for that. So they should fly to New York
and then take the subway to the airport?
Yeah.
By the way, Yeah, yeah.
By the way, travel not provided.
Okay, wait. But they could just go to any Starbucks with this. They could go anywhere.
Just run right on the corner. Yeah, and it's not
the full $8 on there still,
but you'll get something out of there.
But is that how they do their cards?
They draw $8 on there with a Sharpie?
My dentist sent it to me.
I think maybe they just...
Oh, I guess he put that on there
just to let you know.
They probably have a bunch of blank ones
that they load up for new clients.
Those drinks are so sugary.
That's a bad policy for a dentist to have.
Bad policy or genius policy?
Oh, fair enough.
I got 18 cavities filled last week.
And this has not been used,
mystery amount,
but it was probably a gift.
So I'm going to say at least $25, good for Barnes & Noble, D.C.'s favorite local hangout.
Maybe.
It might be $50.
It could be $100.
Somebody gave it to me for Christmas probably three years ago.
You guys, can you please check before you find a book?
Because you know there's zero on that goddamn car.
No, the thing's not even scratched off on the back.
And then take the subway to San Francisco in New York.
And then you get a free ferry ride, compliments of old BW, either to or from Sausalito to San Francisco.
I don't know which direction it's good for.
I forget.
But it's a lot of stuff.
It's probably good for either way.
The machine was broken on the way back, so there you go.
My good fortune is now one of your dreams come true.
So you put money on this?
You buy that.
Yeah, it's bought.
That's an unused ticket.
Okay, because it describes how to pay on the back.
So it kind of, to me, implies that you still have to do that.
No, no, no.
No, that's a legitimate ticket.
Okay.
Well, that's a, you know, a good prize bag just went to best prize bag.
Thanks to you.
And what did you put in here, Chad Daniels?
I put in a little lanyard.
Why is that funny?
I wish I could have gone before Brendan. I put in a lanyard. Why is that funny? I wish I could have gone
before Brendan.
They put in a lanyard?
I put in a lanyard
on the back.
There's a code to download
my latest CD and special.
So that's...
Fuck you.
Don't act interested.
Here's the catch.
It costs $1,000
to get the code
to get that off your computer.
No, it's good.
You can put it on any device
while you're taking
your stupid ferry ride
from San Francisco
to Shyamalan Ding Dong or wherever you're going.
Might as well get a virus on your fucking computer.
You can get on any subway with this.
And what's the album called if people just want to go get it?
You're the Best.
I asked you a question, Chad.
I didn't say open up about your feelings about me.
What is the name of your album?
Now's the part of the show where I say...
Let the games begin.
Can we get the house lights up here a little bit?
Because, gentlemen, it's time to pick a name tag.
Oh, boy.
Go get the person's name tag that you want to play for.
So we can go down in there.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
And we're back.
Who are you guys playing for?
Who are you playing for, Brendan?
Adam.
He's got a hoverboard.
It weighs a ton, though.
And Adam, have you brought that to a show before, like over at Acme?
No?
I've seen somebody brought a hoverboard to one of my shows once before, but...
It was Marty.
Marty brought one.
Ah, that's right!
Chica wants!
And the guy's name is Adam?
Adam, yeah.
Okay, Adam,
hoverboard Adam.
Oh, good, my vine
is in business again, so I can make a vine of this. Hold up your Adam, yeah. Okay, Adam, hoverboard Adam. Oh, good, my vine is in business again,
so I can make a vine of this.
Hold up your Adam hoverboard.
I'll get a shot of you with it.
Goes good with your sneakers, dude.
Yeah, I know.
These are comfortable as shit.
Nike free runs.
If a Nike guy's listening.
Oh, my God.
Can you imagine wearing your Nikes
on the set of Beverly Hills Chihuahua 4?
I'm imagining it right now
Wow, it's Chad to be you, that's perfect
How could they have known you were going to be here?
The guy in the audience's name is Chad?
Correct
Guys named Chad have to do that when you say their name
Is that how it works? And look at DC's All right, let me get it. Guys named Chad have to do that when you say their name.
Is that how it works?
And look at DC's. That's a...
I've never worn that kind of facial hair, but now...
It says V for Vanessa.
I think I might have to.
And it's Doug's face made into the Guy Fawkes mask,
because apparently Vanessa is in Anonymous.
But she's not
anymore.
I'm just going to
take one shot just up into the lights.
It's so crazy.
Alright, well that's great that you
guys all have nice
name tags and thank you to everybody
for bringing so many name tags because
it really is an amazing display out there
tonight and I appreciate it.
And
we'll do this again soon.
Yeah.
We'll try to get the
whole cast of Beverly Hills Chihuahua
to come down
and just
talk about their experiences.
George Lopez, Mario Lopez.
I don't know if he's in that.
I hope you're in it by then, so you can come back.
Yeah, it'd be great.
It'd be so fun.
When you're watching it,
do you know which celebrities are doing the voices,
or are you not good at recognizing celebrity voiceovers?
Not in that.
You know, it's really just George Lopez
and his wife's probably someone, too.
I don't, yeah, I wasn't really paying attention.
It's more about the...
I had to guess.
I'd say Sofia Vergara.
It's not.
She's not that saucy.
Mark Hamill.
It's not.
Mark Hamill does do a lot of the voices.
He's doing mine right now.
People at home can't see, but Mark Hamill.
I like it when Dennis Haysbert does your voice.
It's a commercial joke that Doug gets paid for
because it's technically an Allstate ad.
Yep.
Get a little something for that.
Let's start with the Bane game, you guys.
Let's start with the Bane game, you guys Can I quickly need to tell you something?
I read Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
in the Bane voice to my daughter
and she started crying
That's a fact
So that's what goes on at my place
Why did you think that was a smart choice to read? fact. So that's what goes on at my place. What, why
did you think that was a smart choice
to read? I had just
gotten done, first of all, earlier that day
I was watching Eddie Murphy Delirious.
She ran out of her room and goes, why is donkey
swearing?
Right? And being super
homophobic. So I was already pissed.
Yeah, so you never heard donkey
call Shrek a faggot.
You're right, Donkey.
Faggots was mad.
That's a thing he says.
It's a quote.
People are so mad.
And then, so I watched Batman on the show, on the TV, whatever it's called.
The show?
Whatever it's called.
My grandma?
Maybe.
That Batman show was a good show.
Turn on Batman's TV show.
And I couldn't stop doing it,
so then when I was time...
Turn on Bat Show!
Sorry, I was late.
Was that from the back of the room?
That was amazing.
That's what it would sound like
if radio wanted to watch Batman.
Well played, sir.
Laugh all you will. He won an Oscar for that.
You guys have been a great audience so far.
Oh, speaking of which, Brendan, what is your take on the snow dogs saga?
I haven't seen it. You would love it.
Do they talk? Actually, you know what?
I don't think they talk. I'm out.
There's a scene where
Cuba Gooding does acid and
he hallucinates that they talk.
Fear and
loathing in snow dogs.
Throw dirt on me, Cuba.
They showed a lot of that scene in the ad, so they think
that's why it was such a huge success.
Or as huge as Snow Dogs
was. But you can do the voices
yourselves in movies where they don't talk.
That can be your practice.
I'll do it. Okay, great.
Is that settled?
Settled. Let's move on.
Find a microphone on my way back to the hotel.
Hooking it up to my computer and dubbing.
Okay, let's go.
You've never played this game before, Brendan, so I'm going to explain it to you.
Okay.
I'm going to say a line from a motion picture, sometimes more classic than others.
Some are more classic than others. Some are more classic than others. And then
the first one of you that thinks you know it, you can even yell out while I'm saying
the quote before I get to the end of it. This isn't Jeopardy. You don't have to wait
until the whole thing has been said. But first person that jumps in, I will call on you.
You try to name it. If you fail, you don't lose any points, but someone else can jump in and say
their name and try to guess it.
Alright. Does it make sense, Brandon?
Sounds, yeah. Do you want to practice
yelling out your own name?
Brandon!
Now, was that you or from the back?
That's, uh...
Throws me off every time.
That sounded like somebody trying to stop
you at the airport at the end of a romantic comedy.
Brendan, don't go!
Radio.
My roommate radio.
He's like, who's going to pay the bills and everything?
I'm not good at math!
Radio 2.
Gatio.
Cool as Bryce.
Where's Trash D?
All right, here's the first Bane quoting a line from a movie.
Oh, and I was saying earlier, you guys are a great audience,
but do try to remember the no yelling out of answers.
Because some of you might get excited.
Fortunately, Sir Boo is not a movie.
Because if it was, I would have you thrown out right now.
That was the original title of Ghost.
Why isn't...
Why isn't there...
Why isn't there a movie called Boo?
Because it would make it too easy for critics.
Critics, yeah, they just quote the title.
That's their whole review.
I say boo to boo.
Or if it's positive, they can say,
I want to make this movie my boo. Here we go.
You have to purify yourself
in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
Oh. of Lake Minnetonka.
Can you hit me again? Yeah.
Yeah, I'll do it again.
You...
have to purify yourself in the waters
of Lake Minnetonka.
Chad knows it.
Chad?
Purple rain.
That's right.
Purple rain.
Hold on, give me a second.
You don't have to sing the answers from now on,
but I would like that if you did.
I almost said Schindler's List
until you said Lake Minnetonka.
Because of the word purified?
It takes a turn right there, yeah.
For sure.
All right, Chad's on the board with one
If he gets another one he wins you guys
I bet the next one is going to be Under the Cherry Moon
You know what
If there's anyone alive who could quote that movie
That person should probably kill themselves
So you're saying Prince should kill himself
I bet you he couldn't quote a line from that movie
He'd be like,
I don't know,
something about a French girl.
I was working part time
under a cherry moon.
I saw a girl on Twitter today
posted,
if I was a lesbian,
I'd fuck Prince.
That's really funny.
I should probably have to
find out who that is, right?
So you can all follow her.
I'm having trouble following that logic.
He's tiny.
I walked by him once.
Yeah, didn't stop to chat.
I'm cool.
But he was crazy small.
Like ride a chihuahua small?
Beverly Hills Chihuahua full.
Because I have a movie idea.
He'd never let you go down.
Lone Ranger combined with Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
Does this ice cream have weed in it?
Alright.
Let's see how
that tastes. While you guys
were getting name tags, a guy ran up to me and goes,
here, ice cream.
Mmm.
Mmm, semen.
This is exactly what happened to that monkey
in fucking Indiana Jones.
That's how AIDS started.
Quick scene from Silence of the Lambs.
In fairness, we can smell your cunt.
It's all quotes.
More drinks, yay!
That's all you gotta do to get another drink here
is just start throwing some semen around.
You're like, get that guy a beverage
before he throws his semen at everybody.
But that is really, it's really good and uh it's like mint chocolate chip
and you really you can barely taste the weed but i can taste it
it covers the taste of the poison it's definitely in there do you guys remember
when dc said he could smell your cunt but started it with in all fairness
how great was that?
That's the full quote.
Remember that movie?
He's like, excuse me, excuse me.
In all fairness.
I'm going to disarm you.
With all due respect.
I'm going to disarm you and then crush you.
Here we go, guys.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure this is still Doug Loves Movies.
I'm pretty sure this is still Doug Loves Movies.
We might have moved on to something else.
I don't know.
You've got to ask yourself one question.
Do you feel... Dirty Harry.
Like saying your name?
First. DC has it
What did you say over there?
I didn't say anything
He started first
DC?
Yes
What if Bane was the host?
Do you feel in control?
Go ahead and say it again
Dirty Harry? Yeah Great But unless your name is Dirty Harry say it again. Dirty Harry?
Yeah.
Great.
But unless your name
is Dirty Harry
or DC stands for
Dirty...
Cherry.
Dirty Cunt Harry.
Then, yeah,
say your name first.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I missed that part.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you guys object?
Should I go ahead
and give him the point?
I'm fine with it.
He got it first.
You get the point.
Congratulations.
It's Minnesota nice right there.
Doesn't really matter anyway.
That made someone sad.
One girl goes, oh.
Oh, it matters.
Chad has one. Chad has one.
DC has one.
Brandon, this is your chance to get on the board.
Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty.
Damn it.
DC.
Planet of the Apes.
That is correct.
Nice one.
And DC wins.
Planet of the Banes.
You damn dirty Banes.
You blew it up.
He's looking at the stadium.
Now let's play ABCD's Nuts.
Since DC won, he gets to go first.
And then we will go to Brandon.
Or no.
We'll go to Chad.
Mm-hmm.
And we are going to spell,
since we're here,
in Minneapolis,
but we're at the place all of us would prefer not to be here in Minneapolis,
we're going to spell out Mall of America.
That's right.
When the next letter gets to you, just name any movie that begins with that letter
can't use movies
that have the
at the beginning
because there's no T
in Mall of America
okay
and I'm sure that's
the mall slogan
we do not have T
at the Mall of America
it's milk or whiskey
or get out
and like I said DC gets to go first.
And if you match the movie that I thought of and wrote down before we played tonight,
without sharing that information with you, if you match it, you win the whole game.
DC gets to start with the letter M.
This one matters, right, Doug?
This also does not matter.
Oh.
Oh.
Letter M.
I know, there's so many to pick from.
Maverick.
Maverick is correct.
But I went with Mallrats.
Because while it is set in New Jersey,
it was filmed mostly at a mall here in Minnesota.
Okay, next we go to Chad and the letter A.
A league of their own.
Some people are upset
Because they hate the idea of women playing baseball
There's a lot of 1920s fat cats out there
Never
There's no crying in ABCD's Nuts
Except when you see these nuts
Yeah, then there's a lot of crying
That's kind of cool though That you could comb your hair over your nuts.
That's a thing most guys can't do that.
You don't really have that option.
It just depends on the hair that you choose to comb over your nuts.
What?
I went with the movie Angus, which of course was filmed in Minneapolis.
L to you, Brendan.
Little Women?
Oh, so close.
Oh, I was going to say
another little one, too.
It's between that
and Little Lord Fauntleroy.
That's a movie, right?
Still really close.
What is it?
But both wrong.
I went with Little Big League
in which a youngster takes over
the
twins.
We hate that too. Children
shouldn't play baseball.
That fogs up my monocle.
No, he was like
managing the team. He wasn't playing.
Oh yeah, huh.
What's the one where
he breaks his arm and then he can throw really fast?
Rookie of the Year.
Said all the guys that want to fuck robots.
These guys,
these are a lot of guys that know
they're children's baseball films.
In the 90s,
I submit to you,
in the 90s there were a rash of baseball films
because all the people writing them
were 50-year-old guys
and they were like,
kids love baseball, right?
And blues music?
And then Angels in the Outfield was born.
All right, so we're back to you with another L.
Little Man Tate.
Oh, that's a good one.
Or it's porno version, Little Man Tate.
One guy clapped for you.
I went with Land of the Dead
because it takes place in Pittsburgh
where I will be August 3rd and 4th.
The letter O to Chad.
O, brother, where art thou?
If I ever get a letter that I can't start a sentence with,
I'm fucked.
You could have also just went, oh?
That was a movie, too.
But I went with Outbreak because it was filmed partially in Atlanta,
where I'll be doing a Douglas Movies on July 21st.
Do your shows start like weird pandemics?
Land of the Dead is zombies.
Outbreak is, I don't know,
monkey AIDS.
No, it's Dustin Hoffman.
AIDS.
F to my friend Brendan.
Flatliners?
But if you really had
to think about it,
yeah, hold up your poster, Bryce
Fargo? Oh, fuck, yeah
You guys, he's got chihuahuas on the brain
Cut him some slack
Yeah, I wasn't thinking
Should have looked at that guy's fucking poster
What percentage of Fargo's takes place in Minneapolis?
Just a little bit when they're at the car dealership, right?
You betcha.
Just kind of funny looking.
Yeah.
That's terrifying.
For those of you at home that can't hear, the audience rose up in a chorus of, yeah.
Fergus Falls is just an hour from Fargo, and there's
a lady that works at Taco John's in the drive-thru, and every time you pull up, she goes, would
you like potato olies with that, or no? It's great. And she's wonderful, but that's how
she sounds. I have it on my phone. I taped it one time. Is it your ringtone? No, but I don't know how to figure that shit out.
I mean, it should at least play when she calls you.
Come over.
Can I bring some sour cream?
Hey, Chad.
Oh, shit. What? It's you. Oh, shit.
What?
It's you.
Wait, what happened?
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're right.
It's on DC.
Don't panic.
I'm going to go with A Prophet.
Oh, okay.
A French Oscar nominee from a couple years ago.
Prison Epic that they're remaking, and it's definitely going to have Ryan Reynolds in it.
But what are you going to do?
I like Ryan Reynolds.
That's not a bad thing. I like him, too, but what are you going to do? I like Ryan Reynolds. That's not a bad thing.
I like him too, but he... Why?
Like, what do we have to do to get a good
Ryan Reynolds movie?
Can you think of one?
Blade 3?
I like Blade 2 so much.
Brendan hasn't seen Blade 1.
Can't get it on Netflix.
He's watched the second one twice, so it makes up for it.
Can't get any...
Two is in the background.
Three, he watched twice.
They make Wesley Snipes talk. It's crazy.
They dress him in a mariachi outfit and throw dirt at him.
Have you seen his new action movie, Audit 57?
It's about a guy.
Yeah, so A is your letter.
DC.
I said a prophet.
Oh, that's right.
I went with airport because it was mostly filmed
at Minneapolis Airport.
M to Chad.
I have two ideas here.
Okay.
Part of me wants to go with
Maiden Manhattan
because Manhattan's the big apple.
Minneapolis is the little apple.
Part of me wants to go with
Mississippi Burning
because you fucking know it. So I me wants to go with Mississippi Burning because you fucking know it.
So I'm going to go with Mississippi Burning.
Did I win the whole thing?
Damn it.
I would have gone Mighty Ducks,
but it's the Mighty Ducks.
Yeah.
There's no T in Mall of America.
Oh my God, they're beating that woman to death.
This is for the Ducks.
They all have skates on.
It's brutal.
Little known fact about Mighty Ducks.
When the girl does the twirl
in the middle of the ice
and then does the powerful slap shot.
I didn't hear what you said.
I said you got turned on by it.
Oh, I also did get turned on by it.
But girl from Fergus Falls that did the spin,
not the shot, but the spin.
Thank you, you guys.
Now she works at Taco John's.
Are you and her like rivals,
like the two most famous people that live in Fergus Falls?
Oh, hi, Chad.
Didn't know you were going to be here.
Is your potato lady friend with you?
Why don't you spin the fuck out of here, bitch?
Since that's your only talent.
Nope, not Mississippi Burning.
I went with Miracle, starring Kurt Russell as a hockey coach at the University of Minnesota.
E, Brendan?
I don't know if it has anything to do with this area, but it might.
Erin Brockovich?
Did she sue a bunch of people here?
Did something happen with a factory or something?
It seems like the kind of place where something might go wrong with a factory
and you get Erin Brockovich on your side.
PG&E, Pacific Gas and Electric.
In Minneapolis, it's on the Pacific Ocean.
Wasn't it like Bakersfield or something?
I don't even or something Somewhere in California
Never seen it
Great movie if you love
Talk of hysterectomies
That's most of what I remember
Oh that's what it's about
It's one of those hysterectomy movies
It's a hysterectomy joint
See
They're doing a marathon
I'm not going to say it.
I went with Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.
Because it was filmed in Oregon, I'll be in Salem, Oregon on August 8th.
So come out if you have giant thumbs.
I get it.
Who's next?
DC. I believe's next? DC.
I believe I am.
What do you got?
It's R, right?
R.
I'm going to say Righteous Kill because it sucks and Minneapolis does not suck.
That's fun logic.
Oh, or Al Pacino is like St. Paul and Robert De Niro is like Minneapolis.
Ask him to explain what that means.
I haven't spent much time in St. Paul,
but it's never gone,
hoo-ah!
Not once.
It used to be great.
But Minneapolis does say you're talking to me quite a bit. Not once. It used to be great.
But Minneapolis does say you're talking to me quite a bit.
For R, I went with Raising Arizona,
because I'm going to be at the Tempe Improv August 13th and 14th.
Quibble with that movie.
They all have Texas accents,
and I'm from Arizona, and we don't have accents.
Fuck you, movie I love. But I think, yeah, I think that the point of that was that the characters were
particularly stupid. Oh, the way that people who have Texas accents are? So they like move
from somewhere to Arizona. Oh, I see. I don't know. Yeah, that is weird. I just assume everyone
in a movie is born where they are in the movie. They went real southern flavor with it.
Yeah.
That's true.
But you're right that they don't talk that way in Arizona.
I don't know why I'm choosing to quibble with that movie.
It's literally one of my favorite movies.
Hey, we're over here, guys.
You've ruined...
You guys have any takes on Raising Arizona?
I'm just kidding.
Any John Goodman insights?
I kind of zoned out.
Fucking to whatever was going on over there.
I was trying to think of a sea movie.
He was imagining inanimate objects
talking in the voice of celebrities.
You guys were just doing your thing, you know?
Trying to think, what's a sea movie?
What if my shoes were voiced by Gabriel Iglesias?
No, I'm thinking about the game.
I'm fluffy!
Now, if Chad misses on letter I,
you'll have to do letter I,
so don't get too ahead of yourself there, Brandon. If what? Oh, if Chad misses on Letter I You'll have to do Letter I So don't get too ahead of yourself there, Brandon
If what?
Oh, if he misses
If he can't think of a Letter I movie
It happens sometimes
I have an I one locked and loaded
Just as a backup now
The first one that popped into my head
I'm going to go with
I know what you did last summer
Because in Minnesota you only have to remember one and a half months to do that.
We're like right in the middle of it right now, right? This is summer.
This is it.
When does it end?
Tomorrow.
What time is it?
When is the snow supposed to move? My flight is at 8 a.m.
It doesn't get here until noon.
Congratulations.
I'll be good.
Well, I don't, you know,
I'm sure you guys haven't heard my new album,
but under the circumstances,
I had to go with Ice Castles.
Because not only was it, you know,
filmed in Minnesota,
but I also dedicate a big chunk of the album
to discussing that movie
and what it means to me.
This is my way of saying,
maybe skip this album, get the next one.
I heard that you and D.B. Sweeney used to be friends
until that Ice Castle chunk, and he was like,
what the fuck about Cutting Edge, motherfucker?
What happened to us?
Because I do, I love cutting edge.
I love any movie with skating in it for some reason.
I don't know why.
Just ice skating or any kind of skating?
Are you gleaming the cute kind?
Well, roller skating's too.
I like roll bounce.
C, Brendan.
Is Vanilla Ice from here?
No, but he is cool as ice.
Yeah, that's what I'm going to say, cool as ice.
I thought you were going to say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze.
My letter was C.
There's no T in Mall of America.
Oh, I'll go fuck myself.
May as well, you go buy your book all the time. see. There's no T in Mall of America. Oh, I'll go fuck myself.
May as well. You go buy your book all the time.
Yeah.
That's the only reason he goes on the road. Chad was so nice
backstage. It was like a
personality rope-a-dope.
Ah, got some whiskey in me.
Book sales are through the roof
in Minneapolis this week.
Your agent calls you, hey!
Good news, we sold another one!
Turns out somebody had a gift card for $10,000.
You never know.
It was still warm from a comic's butt.
Fucking yes.
So great.
Yeah, it's...
Could be $100, who knows?
Or it could be expired.
Someone will find out.
They can't make them expire.
Where did Cool as Ice take place?
Like Pacific Northwest or New Jersey?
Anybody know?
Where?
Florida?
Tampa?
That was the most Minnesota I've ever heard someone say Florida.
Mr. Van Winkle's from is Florida.
I refuse to call him Vanilla Ice.
Rob Van Winkle.
Yeah, if he's from Florida, that's probably where it took place.
Maybe.
Because it was his story and about how cool he is.
About how ice he is.
I went with filmed partially in Minnesota, a motion picture called Contagion.
Yeah.
Which is another C word.
Because Doug has a show inside Gwyneth Paltrow's dead corpse.
Coming up.
And finally...
Spoiler alert, she dies.
It's early.
That was a good movie.
You like that, Contagion?
I did like Contagion.
I'm a big Soderbergh head.
Say it, Chad.
Just say you like Soderbergh.
I don't know what this Soderbergh head has to do with anything.
I give Steven Soderbergh a head every time he makes a movie, and he makes them a lot.
My jaw hurts.
That's why he makes so many.
Are you sad or elated?
Like, is your jaw happy
that you're not going to have to
do it anymore?
Oh, because he's, like, retiring?
He's quitting, yeah.
I think it's going to be
like a Jay-Z retirement.
I think he'll probably,
he'll, you know,
make movies again someday.
But I also,
he's going to continue to make stuff.
Like, he's going to make, like,
a TV show, it sounds like.
He'll continue to do stuff. I'm not worried about it. He'll continue to get a TV show, it sounds like. He'll continue to do stuff.
I'm not worried about it.
He'll continue to get blown by me.
Don't worry about it.
Don't you worry.
I'll find a reason.
Oh, happy birthday.
You know, whatever.
It doesn't matter.
If he was as small as Prince,
we could call him a mini Soderbergh.
And the pandering has gone too far.
Nope.
Fucking love it.
You guys love it.
Decide to love it.
I'm not above that.
Is it an A this time, Doug?
Yes, sir.
I think this movie takes place in Minnesota.
Is it a serious man?
Loosely based on the Coen brothers' childhood growing up in Minnesota.
Is that really said here?
Yeah.
Interesting.
I guess that's not it.
I did not notice that one.
So that should be your answer.
Yes, let's say that.
Okay, great.
And also, since nobody really won this game just now,
and you won the last game, you're still in the lead.
You're still our winner.
Nobody wins like a winner.
And just to
mention one more time that I'm in Atlanta on June
I mean July 21st
I went with ATL.
ATL.
You went with what?
What was it? ATL.
That's a movie? There's a movie.
There's a thing going on now
where they're going to make a movie of every airport
code.
Yeah. And I'm really
down with MSP. Yeah, you know me.
Yeah, yeah.
How we doing on time, you guys?
Does anybody have anywhere they gotta be?
Alright.
It's still light outside.
Yeah, it is.
Let's play one more quick game to give
Chad and Brandon an opportunity to seize control from DC,
who's just been running the board today.
Very good.
He's just been running away with this thing.
We're going to play a quick round of how much did this shit make?
Okay.
And that's where you have to guess in millions without going over.
Or you could do less than millions if you're into the whole brevity thing.
But you're going to each guess starting with DC.
Then we'll go to Brendan and then to Chad.
You get to guess how much was made by, I don't know if it was an official sequel or unofficial sequel to Purple Rain,
called Graffiti Bridge.
The second one in the trilogy.
Yeah, the unfinished trilogy.
Brendan had it on in the background last night.
He has 12 TVs like a supervillain.
And he faces away from them, unlike a supervillain.
A lot of stuff going on in the background.
Do I get to go first?
I'm going to guess
$5 million.
Okay.
Brandon,
what do you think?
I'm going to say, that came out a while
ago, right? Like, what,
98?
No? Later?
Oh, earlier.
Shit. And like, yeah,
seven million. That would have been like a successful movie back then, wouldn't it?
Maybe 85?
85? Really? 86 we have
in the audience. Oh, jeez.
That was Prince that said that.
86.
86.
86. 86.
What did you say?
5 million?
He said 5, yeah.
I'll say 4.8.
Brandon, don't box yourself in Walsh, everybody.
4.8 mil.
All right.
So there's a very tiny window of possibility there, Brendan.
I feel good about it.
Okay.
And Chad, what do you think?
I mean no disrespect.
One dollar.
Smart play. Smart play.
Smart gameplay.
I guess I just believe in Prince or something.
Well, I was going to go with 4.8, but he took it.
Well, no disrespect taken, Chad.
That was a brilliant play because I love that Brendan bid 4.8 and that DC bid $5 million
because Graffiti Bridge made $4.8 million and a DC bid $5 million because Graffiti Bridge
made $4.5 million.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
I was close.
Should have said $4.5 million.
It feels weird
that I was closer than you, but I won.
Well, you just didn't go over you know
I was still the closest
That means Chad is in the catbird seat
He gets to pick the first category in the Leonard Maltin game
Alright
Alright
I'm going to stand up
Move around a little bit
Be a more active host.
Like yogurt.
Does that make any sense at all?
Active host?
Yeah.
Like yogurt?
Yeah.
I thought I misheard it.
Oh, like the...
Like active cultures?
Yeah. I yogurt? Yeah. I thought I misheard it. Oh, like the... Like active cultures? Yeah.
I don't know. Like the one in downtown Minneapolis.
It's an active culture down there. I'm not as good as pandering it as Chad is.
Oh, I'm very good. Also, wouldn't mind another drink. Oh, what are you drinking, Chad?
Jack, Diane. What? Jack and Diane Coca-Cola.
Did you say Jack and Diane? Listen, here's a little bit about getting fucked up. Chad,
Chad just wants to suck on a chili dog. So if somebody could grab a chili dog from behind the Tasty Freeze.
Bring it over here for Chad. If you're going to be a smartass, rhyme it with fucked up.
That's hard to do.
Chad, you get to pick a category.
Okay.
You get three options.
Great.
Would you like feminist movement?
And that's films where a woman is seen on a toilet.
Everyone knows that's a myth.
Or,
what you talking about, Willis?
And that's movies where you hear Bruce Willis, but you do not see him.
Or, Roofie No.
Which is just a great message for a category title. Roofie No. Which is just a great message for a category title.
Roofie No.
But these are movies with cast members from the film Hook
who are not Roofio.
Not that you needed to worry about that guy anyway.
Because I hear he's a voiceover artist these days.
Which one of those would you like to play, Chad?
I think I'll go with that last one, Roofie No.
Roofie No.
All right, somebody from the movie Hook is in this movie from 2009
that Leonard Maltin gives three stars.
He calls this movie sharply etched.
gives three stars.
He calls this movie sharply etched.
And he also says it's bold,
but never gratuitously outrageous.
God, critics use the dumbest words.
And he lists eight names.
How many names do you think you need?
Probably all of them? To figure out...
I'll go seven.
Okay, you could have said eight, but seven's cool.
Oh, all right.
That works.
And then we go to Brendan.
Can I just say name that movie?
You can, but he'll get seven out of eight names.
I'll say six, then, I guess.
Oh, thank God.
Keep it going.
Seriously, thank God.
Brandon Walsh named that movie.
You see, now I'm fucked.
Well, there's one kind.
I don't know, this sucks.
All right, well, you might figure this out.
We'll see.
2009, right?
Do you know how many people are in Hook?
Yeah, I know.
Like what, Julia Roberts?
Only so many of them are in the Beverly Hills Chihuahua films.
Yeah.
People just went on podcasts and was like,
I want to be in the movie, and they let them.
Well, okay. let's see.
I don't know.
Who do you think was in Hook?
Wasn't Dustin Hoffman in that?
Maybe.
And Robin Williams?
Possibly.
Julia Roberts?
It could be.
I don't know anyone else.
Is there kids?
Yeah, there is.
Are the kids famous?
Are the kids in Never Neverland?
Are the kids still doing stuff?
I meant like a famous kid.
Like, you know,
I don't know, Justin Bieber.
A embryonic Justin Bieber.
But like one from that era.
The sperm that created Justin Bieber.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
or something.
Could this be one of Jonathan Taylor Thomas'
2009 movies?
Because he did a bunch that year.
Doug doesn't include pornography.
The main little boy in the movie is the great Charlie Korsmo.
But you don't need to worry about him.
I was just fucking around.
I just wanted to see if you knew anything about this movie before proceeding.
Gwyneth Paltrow appears in it.
I hear it's not her absolute first movie, but she shows up in it.
But anyway, this movie is bold but never gratuitously outrageous
and is sharply etched three stars, 2009,
and your six out of eight names are
Toby Huss, Tom
Kenny, Mitzi McCall,
Henry Simmons,
I think it's pronounced Simmons,
it's two Ms,
Jeff Pearson, Jeff
spelled G-E-O-F-F.
I don't even like this.
Yeah, that guy.
My dad.
It's actually a pretty good clue.
And Alexi Gilmore is your sixth name.
Out of eight names, Chad's laughing maniacally.
Do you guys all know who those people are?
I don't know.
They're huge Gilmore heads.
There's a few people in there that are pretty well-known.
One of them is the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants.
No, I know, yeah, Tom Kenny,
but so should I assume this is a cartoon then?
I don't know.
Well, this is not a thing where you ask us questions.
Yeah, I know, I know.
As much as it's just a game where you have to...
Two of those people live in Fergus Falls,
and me and the spinny girl are still more famous than them.
Two...
2009...
Cartoon? Fuck.
Could be a cartoon.
Is it a...
Hey, let me help you out.
There's no chihuahuas in it,
to the best of my knowledge.
The only movie... The only movie I can think of with any of those three people in it
that might be in that time era is that Dustin Hoffman movie.
It's like Mr. Gregorium's Crazy Emporium or something.
Mr. Magorium's...
Mr. Majorium's Wonderful... What is it? Wondrous?
Wonder Emporium.
Wonder Emporium.
Emporium.
I guess it's not that.
I have to think it isn't, or he would just read it off his phone.
Yeah.
Mr. Magorium's Wonderful...
He would have had a totally different life if his last name were...
Mastitutum.
Grublick Breastroom.
Mr. Blandjob.
So that's your guess, Mr. Majorium?
Yeah, man. That's all I got.
Alright, well, the remaining names are
Daryl Sabara and Robin
Williams was the star
of this movie that Tom
Kenny, of course, is good friends with Bobcat
Goldthwait, who directed
this film, and it's called World's
Greatest Dad
you know I even fucking saw that movie
that was totally not on my radar though
I was thinking big you know you think Robin
Williams and Dustin Hoffman and Julia Roberts
I was thinking probably a cartoon
just so you know how bad I'm going to be at this once all that was
explained I go yeah no shit father of the year
so just know that I'm not going bad I'm going to be at this. Once all that was explained, I go, yeah, no shit, Father of the Year.
So just know that I'm not going to get any of these. Well, DC won.
But that also had, that was another Robin Williams movie, right?
Father of the Year?
Man of the Year.
Man of the Year.
There you go.
And Millennium Man, isn't he in that too?
Bicentennial Man.
Strange fun fact, 20% of Robin Williams titles
Have the word man in them
Mrs. Doubt Man
One hour man
And Mrs. Doubt Man
Is a girl from Fergus
Fergus Falls is a fucking hotbed of talent
Telling you man
It's unreal
Alright DC's on the board, you guys.
He's playing for Vanessa.
He's giving it his all.
He's trying to make Vanessa happy.
Oh, I thought that was it.
I thought he won.
Nope.
Wow.
I think you've been on shows before where we, like, wildly ran out of time,
so we only, like, played one round.
But we usually play to two points, so you're still in it. it all right you don't get to go first this time though that's
all right we're gonna start you get to go third we're gonna start with chad and go to dc okay and
chad gets to pick between dis dis stofferson and that's a chris christopherson movie that
leonard gives two stars or less.
North Dallas 40, that's movies that have malt liquor in them.
Or This Isn't the End, and that's movies with a scene after all of the credits have rolled.
There's still yet another scene.
Yeah, that one.
I like sitting. Barnyard animals
love that category.
Yeah, that one.
I was actually going to
pick that until you E-I-E-I-O'd.
Now I can't, because that'll make you a hero among the people.
So I'll pick the second one, whatever that one is.
I can't pick the first one.
There's no fucking way.
You want the malt liquor one?
Sure.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Speaking of malt liquor.
People stay away from that one for some reason.
Would you like a movie that has malt liquor in it from 1991, 1993, 1998, or 2000?
1993.
Oh, wow.
He's excited about his choice.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie from 93.
He calls it powerful.
He says it's 97 minutes long.
That's Leonard's opinion.
He is a critic critic It's not fact
And he says it's well acted
In a naturalistic fashion
And he lists
11 names
How many names will take you to get it, Chad?
I'm still going to need 10
Okay
I thought I had it
I like the way you play
I can start with 11 Oh, this is going to be fun? I had it. I like the way you play. Just start with 11.
Funsies. I know I can start with 11. Oh, this is gonna be fun?
See? I think it's gonna be funsy.
I'm gonna say
zero names.
Nice!
I didn't
enjoy that at all.
I didn't think that was fun at all.
So...
Yeah, I don't know.
93? Well, I have a movie in mind, but, you know.
Now the trick is...
I could name the top two guys in it, I think.
Or just one.
You could go negative one.
Yeah.
Go negative.
Nah, I don't feel that confident in it.
It's not.
Well, let me just...
Malt Liquor, 93.
Do you know how many movies have malt liquor in them?
Let me just give you a quick lesson in how this game works.
Yeah.
DC has a point.
Oh, so I should just do it anyway.
Just take a stab at it.
You're right.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to be wildly, wildly off.
This is a big relief because if I had guessed it and I was wrong
And it was actually remains of the day or something
I was gonna look racist
Yeah, the malt liquor category
Is just one big bear trap for white guys
You mean that gay bar downtown?
Okay, it's a wolf trap.
So yeah, so you could go negative one
and then
chances are good Chad's not going to say negative
two. He might.
That's what I'm guessing. That'd be great.
But if Chad says name it and you fail, then Chad
gets the point. Oh, right.
Both these guys will have a point and you'll have no points, so you'll have a lot of work to do.
But you'll still be alive.
How long does this go on for?
As long as it takes.
No, we're almost done.
We've got like eight minutes left.
Yeah, I always felt like every other time we do it, we're rushing.
By the end.
By this point in the podcast.
Like, hold on, I need to find what movie this is.
Like that rushing?
No.
We're rushing.
Now you see, I feel really insecure about what I'm about to do, just so everybody knows.
Yeah, negative one.
I'll say negative one.
I can do it in negative one.
But this could be, I mean, I could, you know,
I could be really humiliated,
because I could be wildly off-base
with what I'm thinking.
I want you to know,
I'm such an applause bitch,
I'm thinking going negative two
just to fucking hear him clap.
I'm just kidding.
Name it, go ahead.
And the movie is...
Oh my God, applause bitch!
All right, so, uh, Brandon Walsh, tell us what you think the movie's called
and who you think would be the lead performer in the movie.
Is it New Jack City?
No, right?
See, I told you.
And who was the lead in that? I don't know, Wesley Snipes, right? Isn't I told you! And who was the lead in that?
I don't know, Wesley Snipes, right?
Isn't he?
Isn't he?
I kind of feel like Pookie was more the lead, but whatever.
Isn't he the main guy?
And didn't it come out around that time?
A few years earlier, I think.
See, I...
I think so, yeah.
You know, this movie probably exists because of that one.
That one probably helped.
Helped to get it going.
But the movie's called Menace to Society.
Yeah.
It's really good.
First movie directed by the Hughes brothers.
Yeah, yeah.
And Tyron Turner is the lead actor.
I wouldn't have known that.
When you were in negative one territory.
I was like, okay, this point's going to Chad.
Congratulations, Chad.
You're on the board.
It's only because of you, my friend.
No, yeah, that's all right.
I mean, if there's a guy that's beaten us, you know, got to try and even things up anyway.
Sure.
I'll take one for you if I need to.
Thanks, man. Yeah. It's and even things up anyway. Sure, I'll take one for you if I need to. Thanks, man.
It's just gang up on DC.
So I wasn't that crazy with that guess.
A little bit. You did pick a movie
that probably has malt liquor in it.
And it's in that
time frame, right?
92, 93? Alright.
Let's not dwell on my mistakes.
As your
mistakes go, that was one of the better ones.
Yeah.
I mean, you were closer this time.
Yeah.
I was going to go with Gandhi.
Did you know it?
Because he was on a hunger strike.
He was still drinking.
Yeah, you can still drink Colt 45
when you're on a hunger strike.
Him and Billy Williams.
You don't got to chew it, bitch!
I remember... It's the best beer to drink when you're on the loom.
I remember when Gandhi said,
I love Jesus Christ, just not his Christians.
Now pass it over.
It ain't no fun if the people can't have none.
Here's the church, here's the steeple, open it up, where are the people?
Go across the street, into the bar, open it up, there they are.
Wow, you are a dad.
Wow.
You should tell that one to your daughter as Bane.
I will blow up this church in three seconds.
Tear open the church and kill everyone.
Good night, little lady.
All right, so...
We got to keep going.
We might be here all night.
We're going to start with you again, DC.
And this time we will go to Chad will be next.
So Brendan, start thinking over there.
Just think about random movies.
Just start trying to remember some movies.
Just if you know any movies, it might help you.
Yeah.
Angus.
I'm a little off tonight.
DC, would you like four weddings and a funeral?
The very popular Frank Sinatra category.
Because he had four wives and now he's dead.
Or two thumbs down. Sinatra category because he had four wives and now he's dead. Or
two thumbs down
and that's movies
that Roger Ebert,
the great Roger Ebert
gave less than
two stars to.
Or
your third option,
Golden Showers Playbook.
Which is
movies that start with P.
The letter P. I think the people's champion is Golden Shower's playbook. I got to do it. I think so, yeah. They seem to enjoy it. This
movie that begins with P is from 1998. Leonard gives it two and a half stars. I was never
a fan of this movie,
so I think I'd call that generous.
He says it has excellent performances
and a striking visual design.
And then he also says
that it's the directing debut of a screenwriter.
And he lists eight names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
DCP?
I'm going to go with...
I've got to go with eight, Doug. I've got to play it safe.
Good strategy.
Chad?
Daniels?
Seven.
Seven.
He guessed seven, Doug. He loses. I win.
Why?
Because he guessed... It's a fucking terrible joke. He loses. I win. Why? Because he guessed...
It's a fucking terrible joke.
Never mind.
Let's move on.
Seven, eight, nine?
Is that the joke?
No.
No, that's a good joke, though.
Just make me...
I can't do it.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine...
Let's all laugh at that.
So writers...
You know what?
First time directing as a writer.
You're going to make fun of me.
No, I don't want to hear it.
Dude, why don't you...
It's coming out in a few weeks.
You could totally shave your beard.
You could be...
Like, just go around trying to look like Wolverine.
All right.
Doesn't he look like Wolverine right now?
Except for...
Except for the beard finishes everywhere.
He's a big Wolverine.
You've got to turn it into just mutton chops.
All right, I'll do it.
That'd be a good look for you.
I'll start a Kickstarter.
If I raise $5,000 by Tuesday, I'll be Wolverine for the month of July.
He could be like Portland Wolverine.
Portland Wolverine.
Like Wolverine the barista.
But don't walk around with a bunch of knives in between your fingers,
because the police will pick you up.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a dangerous costume.
The Freddy Kruegers and the Wolverines
don't get a lot of love out in front of the Chinese
theater in Hollywood.
The Freddy Kruegers and Wolverines.
They've got long knives in their hands.
Seven to you
out of eight.
Chad, name it.
Name that movie.
Name that film. You real. Name that film.
You know, I just don't want to be...
You just can't pretend anymore.
Because you know DC's going to know that you can't get it at six or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just...
So, yeah.
So you're just...
What's the category?
The category...
It's movies that start with P.
Starts with the letter P.
Yeah, yeah.
Made in 98.
You see, these years are so, they're all blended together.
They're so linear.
Well, it's just like, one follows the other.
What's the difference between 98 and 93?
Who knows, right?
What the fuck was going on?
It was, I don't know.
Tell that to Bill Clinton.
He's doing a lot of shit.
In your case, I'd say the difference is probably about a thousand gallons of whiskey.
I'd also say 93, I graduated.
Sky was the limit.
98, I had a girl pregnant.
It's a good one.
I guess that's a difference.
Yeah, I didn't do any of that.
It's just been one big party.
So Chad's going to get
seven out of eight names.
Okay.
And the movie begins
with the letter P.
Let's see if you can do it.
If you can't, then Brendan will be on the board.
We'll have a very exciting conclusion.
Your names are Jane Kaczmarek, Don Knotts, Renee Witherspoon.
I mean Reese Witherspoon.
Her sister Renee is not in this.
They never let her out of the attic.
I hate that people already know it.
They're fucking not going to get it.
JT Walsh, William H.
Macy, Joan
Allen, and your
seven out of the eight names,
so you're only missing out on one name,
your seventh name is Jeff
Daniels. That's my uncle. It begins. Your seventh name is Jeff Daniels.
That's my uncle.
And it begins with the letter P, Chad Daniels.
What the fuck? What have you got?
I know all those people, and I have no idea what movie they were in together.
Isn't it weird that they were all in a movie together?
98.
Begins with P.
Don't judge me.
Fuck you guys.
This is exciting.
I'm glad we're going to get a...
You think I was watching movies?
I was working, saving money for a baby.
And that baby is still alive to this day.
Allegedly.
Yeah, he doesn't get...
He doesn't get enough credit for that.
Keeping that thing alive all this time.
I had an egg in school they wanted me to carry around for a week.
I stomped on it the second day.
Wasn't even making noise. That's great.
It was on a curb. I was showing people a scene from American History X.
I love that you're pretending you were in high school
when American History X was out.
All of that was...
I was making up all of that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't...
That's my fault.
I mean, you can tell, man.
I never had to do the egg thing.
I was past that.
What are you saying, Brandon?
I was just saying all the years are blended together.
Who knows when we were in high school, you know?
Could have been when American History X was out.
Could have been after that. Time is a construct,
man. That movie was way after
when I was in high school.
One big party, man.
Any idea,
Chad? My guess is we are tied
and moving to the next round.
But just say a movie that begins with P.
That'll be fun.
There was a movie called PFFFT-F-F-T-T-T
It's the worst Michael Cera movie
He's just so aloof
Oh, I see
What is it?
The remaining name might help you
Toby McGuire
Toby McGuire
Toby McGuire
Well, I asked the audience already
What'd they tell you?
Pleasantville
That's correct
We have a three way tie you guys
Is that a Superman movie?
Yeah
No it's when they're in the black and white
I've seen the fucking movie ten times
It's black and white and then a lady masturbates in the tub
And then it's in color
Which is fucking not how it works I've seen the fucking movie ten times. It's black and white, and then a lady masturbates in the tub, and then it's in color.
Which is fucking not how it works.
It was kind of a prequel to Spider-Man.
That lady's hand is down there. I said I asked if it was a Superman.
What was the TV show?
Smallville.
Oh, yeah.
See, that's an honest mistake.
It was Pleasantville. It was Pleasant an honest mistake. It was Pleasantville.
It was Pleasant, but it was small.
Pleasantville is...
That's what she said.
...unpleasant.
Actually, no, she didn't.
Yeah.
Ever.
It was Pleasant, but it was small.
Well, it was well-mannered.
That's the worst...
That's what she said ever.
Hello, madam.
Fine weather we're having.
I am a penis. It was like a pinky, but I came three times.
Never.
All right, so...
It was like a minion.
Who challenged who on that one?
Wrapping it up.
Minion? I don't even know him.
What?
So Chad failed after who challenged him?
Brandon.
Brandon?
Okay, so that means we're going to start with you, DC,
and then we're going to go to Brandon.
This is the tiebreaker.
This is the one.
This is for all the marbles.
Brandon's playing for Adam, and Chad's playing for Chad,
and DC's playing for Vanessa,
and DC gets to pick between
Dougloves Newbies.
No, I can't do that one. Oh yeah, I can.
Dougloves Newbies, that's movies by a first-time director.
Or The Past and the Curious,
that's movies with sexually ambiguous historical figures.
Or, let's stop the fun
for a second. Finding chemo.
No, let's not do that one.
Let's not do that one.
Oh, this is one
we haven't done in a while.
And I would love to
do it tonight.
The asparagus P category.
And that is where I read everything.
I read the entire review.
And then the bidding begins.
So it just becomes a game about,
I mean, unless you're Pete Holmes.
It becomes a game about how many actors can you name from the movie rather than
guessing the movie i i again yeah i gotta do it asparagus pea
asparagus pleasantville
that was just a stretch for real stretch Stretch it out. 2010 is the year.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
Leonard says about this movie,
DiCaprio and his team are masters of a form of corporate spying.
Entering a selected target's dream state and extracting information
for which competitors pay huge sums.
Having underestimated the complexities of the tool,
DiCaprio mishandled it
to the point of severely rupturing his personal life,
forcing him to flee the U.S.
I didn't even remember that he had to flee the U.S.
Now at a psychological impasse,
he's offered a challenging job he can't refuse
by corporate giant Watanabe.
But this means facing his demons
by virtually retracing the same nightmarish territory
that nearly destroyed him.
Ambitious, exceedingly well-crafted film
written by Nolan works too hard to show off its cleverness and intricacy,
and even betrays its own ground rules when it suits the filmmaker.
Oh, Leonard.
Chad knows it. Chad knows it.
Oscar-winning cinematography, sound editing, sound mixing, and visual effects.
Won four Oscars.
And Leonard lists 12 names.
And we have to name them in order, I assume.
In the order that he lists them, which isn't always necessarily the order that they're listed.
See, who knew What's Eating Gilbert Grape came out in 2010?
I would put that a lot earlier,
because that's obviously what it is.
But that feels more like a 95. Gilbert teams up with radio.
Tard wagon.
Oceans, we can't count to 11.
It's good. It's good. It's good.
Deal with how good it is.
It's good.
I am gonna
That'd be fun to put all the
Magically retarded characters from movies
Into one super story
Like assemble them
Like the Avengers
Super story
You know you get I am Sam in there
You get
Rain Man's like no way I'm out I fix cars now You get... Rain Man's like, no way, I'm out.
I fix cars now.
What about the flop from...
You get whatever was going on
with Adrian Brody
in the village.
Giovanni Ribisi
and Juliette Lewis
from the...
Yeah, the other sister.
The other sister.
There you go!
It's like Armageddon.
It's like Armageddon
where it's like,
but none of them want to pay taxes again.
But instead it's like, none of them want to pay for their psychiatric medication ever again.
Maybe it is just a remake of Armageddon. Maybe they go to blow up the rock.
That is a great idea.
Why send those poor monkeys when we can send...
Did you think I was calling
Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis monkeys?
We don't need a drill.
We're strong.
Who goes next after me, Doug?
Is it Chad or is it Brendan?
It's going to be Chad.
Wait, because who challenged who that last time?
I just won that last one, right?
Yeah, but who challenged... I challenged time? I just won that last one, right? Yeah, but who challenged you?
I challenged him to name the movie.
Yeah, so Brendan is next.
Brendan is next.
I'm going to go negative two.
Negative two.
This is negative two.
So that means he thinks he can name the top two people in order of this cast.
While he's thinking, can we describe the people?
You know what? No, but if you can draw them,
I will accept that.
Will you take Just Last Names?
Just Last Names?
I'd settle for that, maybe.
Fucking sweet!
I'm like, I'm still in it.
So it's like a trailer?
I mean, order is the most important thing to me
That's the fun part
Yeah, I'll do three
Negative three
I'm going to have him name it
Because I'd be up here
Well, I won't say it now
Because that would be ridiculous to give him the name
But you were so excited that you didn't have to give first and last name
I know, it's just a thing I do
You don't have to give first and last name
To lure people in Alright You don't have to give first and last name to lure people in.
All right.
So you have to name
the top three people.
Leonardo DiCaprio.
In order, yes.
Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ellen Page.
What's your third one?
The Gordon Levitt guy
Rico Gordon Levitt
Joseph Gordon Levitt was indeed
third billing
and of course Leonardo DiCaprio
was top billing but
spoiled in the review
was right there for the taking
second bill is Ken Watanabe.
No shit.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Ken Watanabe.
Man, motherfuckers act like they forgot about Marion Cotillard.
In honor of Ken.
Chad Daniels is our winner.
Who were you going to say?
I was going to say Marian Cotillard.
Who?
I was going to say Marian Cotillard.
Where is this prize bag going?
Where is Chad at?
Where you at, Chad?
Come get this thing, dude.
Chad, for Chad.
Do you want your name tag back?
He doesn't give a shit about that.
All right, I'm going to float it.
Oh, nice floater.
Have fun in New York and San Francisco, Chad.
This is the best ride ever.
There's a cat waiting outside that you have to pay for.
Does that have a shithead on the back?
I'm sure it does. Oh, yeah, right. He wrote butthead instead of shithead on the back? I'm sure it does
He wrote butthead instead of shithead
Close enough, I guess
And does yours have one on the back, DC?
Does Vanessa supply a shithead?
It does, it certainly does
You guys are the best
She even wrote, do not read out loud
Which is just a good life rule.
Don't read out loud, Bookman.
Don't read out loud.
Why are you ever reading out loud?
Do you guys have anything to plug?
I've got Douglovesmovies.com, of course, is where you can go for all my dates and deets
and links and ads and all that shit.
Brendan, what do you got coming up?
I'll be in Austin, Texas, August 1st through the 4th, I think.
That first weekend in August.
I left my phone downstairs, so I don't know the exact dates.
Starts on August 1st, goes through the 4th, I believe, at Cap City Comedy Club.
And you can listen to my podcast, too, The Bone Zone.
Yeah.
Bone Zone it up.
Award winning.
What award did it win?
A bony.
Yeah, just start your own awards.
And then you can call your thing award winning.
Technically, we won an award.
Yeah, I gave myself three lovey awards.
Feels good, right?
Feels good to win.
I just love going to the loveys.
It's all people just love.
Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Thanks.
Oh, she'd be great to get her to host it.
That would be a coup.
What do you got coming up, Chad?
Road dates?
I'll be...
I don't remember exactly what's coming up,
but I know I'll be at Acme here in Minneapolis October.
Let me tell you the goddamn date.
Yeah, shut up and let him tell you.
October 22 through 26, 22, 23, 24,
I'll be recording my new album, so come on out.
Have you picked out a title for it yet?
I have.
But you're keeping it under the wraps?
It's called Te Amo, Rabbit.
DC, what do you got?
Te Amo, like Spanish? Just like Spanish?
Just like Spanish.
Except with a homeless guy stealing my shoes when I was passed out in Mexico whispering that in my ear.
That's the worst Trix commercial ever.
I know.
Silly rabbit, shoes are for not tourists.
He called you rabbit. He called you rabbit.
He whispered rabbit.
Damn.
I almost knocked over my ice cream.
DC, what do you got coming up?
When does this come out?
Now-ish.
Okay, sweet.
This Thursday, the first day of Comic-Con, I'm doing a panel.
So if you're going to be at San Diego Comic-Con, I'm on a panel with
Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk,
Cory Doctorow,
and I'm very excited about it,
so please come.
And my books,
The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep
and Never Had To
and Crap Kingdom
are available wherever
fine books are sold.
You can also get them
on an audio book
on like audible.com or whatever.
And that's it.
DC Pearson,
Chad Daniels,
Brandon Walsh
Thank you Minneapolis
Thank you Minneapolis
Good night
I love it here
And as always
As always
Lord Voldemort
Voldemort is a shithead.
And people who say I'm socially liberal but fissily conservative are a shithead.
Now it's time for us to watch our brothers.
The king hides a bolded view viewing prowess makes it foggy.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.