Doug Loves Movies - Casper Van Dien, Rosa Salazar and Jeff Miller guest
Episode Date: July 9, 2017Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes actors Casper Van Dien, Rosa Salazar and Jeff Miller to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy No...tice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Enjoy the show! Candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is God Loves Movies!
Yeah!
That's not where you do it!
Coming to you once again from the Nerd Melt showroom
at Meltdown Comics in Los
Angeles, California. I was just gonna say there's a seat in the front row.
It always drives me crazy when there's like one great seat, but you just slipped into
it dude. What were you doing dropping a deuce? Dropping a hot deuce. Thank you all for joining me
in the back of this warm comic store.
I mean, it's warm as in inviting,
but it's also warm as in hot as fuck.
But at least it's daytime,
so there won't be any crickets.
I'll just have to feel bad
that people are fanning themselves.
Are you a natural fanner,
or is it really bad right now?
I'm pregnant. Oh, you're pregnant.
See, now that is a great excuse.
I feel bad for anybody
who has to fan themselves, because they say
that the energy you exert fanning yourself
is worse than just sitting there.
But I think they're wrong,
because that breeze feels good, doesn't it?
Fucking science.
Science isn't pregnant.
But thank you for...
How far along are you?
Six and a half months.
All right, well, I hope that...
You know what they say about laughter-inducing labor.
I don't want to cause no premature shit.
That's not my style.
Stay in there, baby.
Alright.
What did I say the date? Saturday, July 8th,
2017.
I haven't been in California for
a minute, so that means you guys had a lot
of time
to make some great name tags.
Let me see.
See, I knew it.
I knew it was going to be a good name tag day.
Of course, my eyes go right to La-la-la-la-la-la-land.
Because it looks like La-la-land.
And I still love it.
La-la-land is going to be on HBO.
I'm going to watch it over and over again in hotel rooms.
A hard tase night.
Your name is Taylor?
Yeah.
Okay.
And you attach some Sour Patch and some M&M's.
People are really into attaching candy to these things.
But my guests rarely eat the candy when they pick it.
I don't know why.
Candy from strangers.
There's nothing better.
I saw this Baby Driver poster on, what was it?
I saw it on Instagram.
Bethy Driver?
Because your name is Beth?
Yep.
Okay.
You said yourself it was a bit of a stretch,
but it's such a great movie, you had to do it.
I love it.
Yeah, I agree.
What's that next to you?
My blue?
Kevin.
Kevin, okay. I get it. Yeah, I agree. What's that next to you? My blue... Kevin. Kevin, okay.
I get it.
I really like Casino Raul.
It's good.
He turned around and showed everybody.
That's nice.
Pain and Gain and Otis,
you just added yourself.
Just throw on another ampersand
and you're good. Two Weeks Notice would be a good one for Otis. Two Weeks
Otis. And what's this Sergeant Pepper Sergeant Heather's Hearts Club band. Well
there's lots of good ones thank Thank you guys for doing that,
and good luck being chosen,
because I know I brought some pretty good stuff,
but some of the other shit in the prize bag today
is going to be pretty amazing, I think.
Doug plugs.
Monday night I'm doing Dabs Day stand-up show
at the Punchline in Sacramento.
Bring a name tag if you want to get up on stage
and play Last Man Stanton.
Wednesday, July 12th, Getting Doug with High
is live again from the Spaceman
on my YouTube page at 4.15 Pacific Time.
And next Saturday, Douglas Movies returns
to the Tempe Improv.
You know, if the plane can land.
Or maybe I'll rent a car if it's
too hot, but if it's 117 or more,
supposedly planes
can't land in Phoenix.
So, fingers
crossed on that one.
Buy tickets anyway.
I didn't mean
to say all that to discourage people.
Your ticket will be good
for a future date if I have to come back in the winter when it all that to discourage people. Your ticket will be good for a future date
if I have to come back in the winter
when it's safe to land a plane.
All of my dates and deets and links
are at Douglovesmovies.com.
That's Douglovesmovies.com.
Yeah!
See, that's where the yeah goes.
Get it right.
Tired of this shit.
From the corrections department,
it's Goon, Last of the
Enforcers, not
just Goon 2.
So somebody
cheated when they said that.
But I hope that Goon, Last of the
Enforcers comes to the United States soon,
because it's already been playing in Canada
and I want to see it.
I've only gotten one complaint about the sound
on the Kansas City episode.
You guys are troopers and either didn't listen to it
or, you know, didn't listen, didn't complain,
or you put up with it.
But it's definitely weird.
But I think we're going to just leave it up
for more
people's listening pleasure since there weren't
that many complaints. I initially
wanted to pull it. I was just like, this sounds like garbage.
What if it's the first episode
a person ever listens to?
They'll never listen again. And you know
what? That makes me laugh.
They'll be at some
cocktail party. Doug loves movies. sound is terrible and whoever they're
talking to be like what are you talking about it's good like 30 of the time
doug loves minis on the other hand that's that's gets kind of shitty but uh i got this from my
friends at jash it's a beautiful herschel backpack so So that's part of the prize bag today.
Along with the usual stuff, a Douglas Movies t-shirt, a copy of my CD.
Oh, this is a new item from Nature Box.
It's coconut cashews.
Yeah, I wouldn't eat that.
Those are two things I wouldn't eat that.
Those are two things I don't need together.
I like cashews.
I like coconut, but cashew coconut?
Good luck to whoever wins.
Checking it out.
Oh, and a couple of Peacemaker pipes,
a normal one and a Christmassy one,
so that you're ready for all this,
two of the seasons.
All of that, plus the stuff
brought by my guests. And like I said,
I got a sneak preview of what my
guests brought, and I think you guys are going to be
pretty pleased. Please give a big, warm
welcome to Jeff Miller,
Rosa Salazar, and Casper
Van Dien!
Thank you! Alizar and Casper Van Dede.
Hey you guys! Come on in! Holy shit!
Oh, these are big chairs. You know what to do.
I can't believe I didn't.
You guys should have told me about the wear something red plan.
You guys all have a delightful shade of red on.
Thank you.
Yeah, you're really taking this 4th of July thing a little bit too far.
It's my dad's birthday.
Oh, okay.
So you throw the American flag on on your dad's birthday?
Yeah, yeah.
He's like a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Okay.
I have to do that.
Your dad's Jimmy Cagney?
I think he is.
I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Yankee Doodle Dandy.
I'm real. Okay,odle Bandit. I'm a Yankee Doodle Bandit. I'm a real.
Okay, so you won the first game.
Who knows the most words to that song?
And it's Let's Meet Them Individually,
starting with our first timer.
It's Casper Van Dien, everybody.
Johnny Rico is here on the,
it's the 20th anniversary
to the year
of the release,
the original release
of Starship Troopers.
20 years, yes.
Still one of the greatest
movies of all time.
Right?
Yes.
I mean,
I was mostly talking
to Casper.
Especially.
Yeah, sure.
I mean, you go on IMDb and you type in Casper.
First is that shitty Casper movie
with Christina Ricci.
And then you're the next fucking Casper.
I used to have the Casper tattoo,
but I'm currently getting it removed.
What?
It's above me.
He's waking up every day jealous of your tattoo.
Yes, this is enough.
Alright, well I'm glad you're working that out.
No I'm not, I'm still angry.
And what do you got going on right now?
I know you got a big thing that you'd like to plug.
Oh.
Uh...
I do?
Oh, no, yes, I do.
I have a...
I'm doing...
Well, I did get to do a cool little part
in this awesome, huge, awesome movie
that somebody else is starring in.
I'm going to let you talk.
She's going to talk about that.
Oh, really?
Yes.
All right.
I have a cameo in something, or not a cameo
or whatever it is, but it's fun.
In a Robert Rodriguez film,
which is cool.
Called Alita
Battle Angel. And here's
Alita. Battle Angel. You're the title
character? She is. I'm the titular character.
You're the machete of Alita?
She is. I'm the Alita of
machete. She is, she is. You're the Larry Crown of Alita? She is! I'm the Alita of Machete. She is, she is.
You're the Larry Crown of Alita?
She's Alita Alita.
She's the Johnny Rico of Alita Battle Angel.
But I also am promoting Starship Troopers.
They're doing a new one, a fifth one.
I did the voiceover for it.
But Ed Neumeier wrote this one.
And he wrote Robocop and Starship Troopers.
He's a really dark, sick, perverse man, and I love him.
He's one of my best friends.
And so it was a lot of fun to do that,
and I'm going down to Comic-Con for that and doing a whole bunch of stuff.
When's it coming out?
It comes out in August, I think, 21st, I think.
Something like that.
Exciting.
They're doing a Fathom event.
They're doing it in 500 theaters,. They're doing it in 500 theaters, a one night open or two in 500 theaters.
And then they're doing a re-release of Starship Troopers in 4K.
So with a DVD thing and then an online thing or whatever.
I don't know.
Yeah.
All that technical stuff.
All that stuff.
20 years.
20 years.
That's how old I am.
But the movie's still amazing.
The effects were great then.
They're still great.
And then the story, I mean, it resonates more even now than ever
that there's a big thing in our world that might suck out all of our brains.
Every guy's wet dream to have their brains sucked out.
And Patrick Muldoon got that.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, that movie, it holds up.
Yeah, it really does.
It's, you know, it was a lot of fun to do.
I had a guy at a panel once say to me,
he goes, you know, when I was a film critic
for like GQ or Time Magazine or something,
like whatever, he goes,
and I gave Starship Troopers two thumbs down.
He goes, and then I revisited it
and seven years later when I revisited it,
I said, oh my God, this is now one of my,
it's my third all-time favorite film ever.
And he goes, what do you think of that?
And I go, I think you're a fucking asshole.
Yeah, what the hell?
You owe me like $6 billion more on the back end.
What kind of massive flip-flop is that?
And now you're doing a panel.
You're not even a film critic anymore.
Well, the first day I saw it, the first time,
my entire family had just been killed by bugs.
So I wasn't in the right frame of mind.
But seven years later, man, it's good.
Yeah, he goes, I missed it the first time.
I go, how'd you miss it?
Yeah, I just didn't get it.
It's right
there the movie is very subtle yeah yeah we were all naked and it's really going on in this movie
that's true all right well also joining us today for his i believe maybe second time on second
Second time on the show.
It's Jeff Miller, everybody.
How's it going?
Now, this is great timing because your show on the Food Network.
Travel Channel.
Really?
Yes.
But it's a food show.
There's food involved, but it's a travel and food adventure show.
Okay, so let's get this right. It on the food network on the travel channel it's on the it's on the travel network i'm never gonna
get it right it's on television of some kind yeah but you're doing a marathon yeah there's a marathon
on uh july 13th it's called trip testers uh the The season aired in February and March, but they're showing, I think, the whole thing on the 13th.
So if you want to sit around at home and watch me travel around the world,
that's your choice.
I think that's the perfect thing to do in the middle of July,
just crank up the AC and watch Jeff do the traveling.
Not a terrible way to be.
It's me and my buddy Jason Kessler got to travel around the U.S.
and do a bunch of fun stuff
and eat a lot of great stuff
and it was amazing.
Great to do.
Yeah.
Trip testers.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for coming back.
Thanks for having me back.
I'm excited to be here.
You got the,
I don't know,
I'm going to have to have
a fashion contest
with you three.
I wish I had worn
amazing outfits on.
I had a 4th of July shorts
that ripped off to reveal.
Oh.
Yeah.
Why didn't you?
But I did not wear them today.
Because I had Casper and I didn't talk ahead of time.
What do you wear underneath?
There is a 4th of July themed Speedo underneath.
Whoa.
Okay, I'm glad you didn't do it then.
But I got to say, though, you have little tiny pieces of pizza on your shorts.
Yeah.
I'm going to give a shout out.
Both these and those shorts are from my buddy's company, Chubbies, so...
Chubbies?
Chubbies is the name of the shorts company.
With the pizza and the rip-away shorts.
Wait, wait. Chubbies has rip-away shorts.
Yeah, of course they do.
Because one leads to the other.
I'm just saying.
I get it. Wow, that's just brilliant.
These are my chubby shorts.
Yeah, I mean, it's just an excuse
to have a boner in public.
Do you need excuses?
I think so. I think we have
laws in this country.
You know, it's not like Starship Troopers where we all
just go into the shower room together
and just get naked and start rubbing.
I just glanced over at what was happening
over here.
Were you just jerking
a dick in my face?
He was showing her a text
from Robert Rodriguez
which makes me definitely feel
like the odd man
out on this panel.
Yeah, maybe we should move.
Maybe Jeff should sit
in the middle.
No!
Break you two up.
Busy texting
a fancy director.
split us up
like we're in third grade?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
How are you how are
rosa salazar is here everybody
how's your uh gum situation today not you don't have any gum okay are you are you a gum addict
why'd you have to get off no i don't know why he said that. I'm a gum addict. But I think I was... Oh, you are.
Yes, absolutely.
No, she had gum.
You can't go a day.
She had gum in her mouth that neither me or my producer noticed until we got some messages
on Twitter from people who can't stand the sound of gum chewing.
Exactly.
And I was the one who sent the message that was like, that episode was really great.
Really?
No.
But I was sitting right next to her and I didn't even notice the gum chewing thing. that was like, that episode was really great. Really? No.
But I was sitting right next to her,
and I didn't even notice the gum chewing thing.
So I wanted to make sure to catch you before we went out here today.
I'm in trouble again already on the show.
They're already in trouble.
No, but you're already, people love you
for not chewing gum.
Like, it's a great, it's an amazing course correction
that's happened.
Aw, thanks.
And they also love that you're the star of the new Robert Rodriguez movie. it's an amazing course correction that's happened.
And they also love that you're the star of the new Robert Rodriguez movie.
When is Alita going to come out?
July
2018.
That is a long
wait. It takes a lot
of love to make a baby.
It takes 12 months to put out a baby three months of trying no so what happened
with your finished shooting though finished shooting which one that one oh yeah yeah but
there's tons of effects and stuff that need to be done? I'm completely affected. I'm completely CG.
What?
Yeah.
So you're not in it.
Yeah, I'm in it.
I'm in mocap.
You had to go and anti-circus it up
and have lots of dots on you?
On a real set, on a practical set.
Actually, same thing for Casper.
He was completely CG up into his neck
and they had these delineators
separating his face from
metal parts and his body.
So I'm in much better shape in that movie.
But then there's lots of real people
in it? We're still real.
I know, but
you know what I mean. Is it like
a real movie or an audition reel
for the future Planet of the Apes movie?
It's an audition reel for the future Planet of the Apes movie? It's an audition reel for the future Planet
of the Apes movie.
Did that pay off? Not really.
Did not. Like you wanted it to?
I'm just here to help you.
I'm for support. Well, usually just repeating
back what they asked isn't really
going to be a great punchline, but
it's cool.
I'm excited that you're in that movie.
But then you said which one?
Is there something else coming out?
I just shot Maze Runner 3, The Death Cure,
in Cape Town, South Africa.
It's called Maze Runner 3, The Death Cure?
The Death Cure.
Cure and death.
Wow.
Do you like me?
That doesn't sound as dangerous as the first two
Maze Runner movies.
It sounds like, oh, well, you know,
if there's a cure for death, we're going to be fine.
We're wrapping it up.
Yeah?
It should be called Maze Runner 3, Wrapping It Up.
You know what I mean?
Because there's definitely no four on the horizon?
Not for me.
Not for me.
It didn't mean to sound like that.
But is the whole story
it's just a trilogy basically
yeah with the spoiler and the title
at the end I think
I don't know for me I mean it seems like
a spoiler why would you say death cure
death cure could fail to cure death
maybe it does maybe it doesn't
right
you know Death Star and Star Wars sometimes it
kills things sometimes it gets killed
okay solid argument you go either way i agree yeah i agree they don't put the words death star
in the title so you're you're more right than me all right so let's go down the line and find out
let's start with jeff because he brought i guess are you moving or something like
i just got a lot of stuff to get rid of?
You know, I don't know if you remember
last time I was on the show,
I gave a big box of CDs away,
so I just thought I'd make more stuff
every time I'm on the show.
Okay, so what are you giving away today?
So in this bag, we've got prize bag goodies
like a pinata shaped like a bull,
originally purchased for my girlfriend's niece's first birthday
which was six months ago and it never ended up getting there got a t-shirt for my band
black crystal wolf kids playing uh la lobster fest next week and for anybody who does not win
the prize bag i also have prizes for the rest of the audience. So
next week is my birthday, but last night
was my birthday party and my girlfriend
thinks I'm way more popular than I am, so we have
an enormous amount of the leftover
birthday cake that she bought me
for my birthday yesterday.
There's probably enough for everybody in the room
to have some cake. She's here, so
she'll be serving it outside and
I'll be joining her and we'll all eat some cake together after the show. There's here, so she'll be serving it outside, and I'll be joining her, and we'll all eat some cake
together after the show.
There's no way that there's enough
for everybody.
There's a lot of cake in there, Doug.
It's a lot, but did you see how many people are here?
I mean, you say each of them are gonna
get a bite. No, I think everybody in here
could actually get a piece of cake. A slice of cake?
I think so. There's a lot of cake. There's like 15
slices at most in each of those bags.
Each of those is like five slices per
like, there's big
there's a lot of cake in there. How many do you think there are
total slices of cake? I think that there is at least
50 slices of cake. Yeah, do you know how
many people are in this room?
Way more than 50.
Yeah, but it's LA and it's some of
Most people don't eat cake. Exactly.
First come, first serve. Don't fight each other for it. That's true. Oh my and it's some of New York. Most people don't eat cake. Exactly. First come, first serve.
Don't fight each other for it.
That's true.
Oh, my God.
First come, first serve.
All right.
So, yeah, so they'll be hanging out out back with cake.
Yeah, because also, I'm like, man, it's a hot day.
Is there something I can eat in the sun that might really make me feel awful?
I think this was part of the issue last night, too.
It was not very cold at Highland Park last night.
It's not cake weather.
Yeah, you need that ice cream cake.
All right, so can you put everything back in your bag
so they can carry the piƱata and the shirt out of here?
And great job, Jeff.
Rosa.
Hey.
What do you got?
I have a monster, free monster with any purchase from this comic book store.
Yeah, they have like a cooler full of monster drink out there that probably anyone could
have grabbed one on their way in.
Did anybody get one?
I didn't get one.
It's been more than a year.
Yeah, you should have grabbed one of those.
It's delicious, this one guy says.
But you might win it.
He's actually excited.
Genuinely excited.
It's been warming in between my thighs.
Yeah, it keeps getting warmer.
I just trade that one in.
I'd go out to the cooler out there and dump that one back in and grab a fresh one.
No, no, no.
It's been warming.
Between my thighs.
Yes.
All right, so if that's
of interest to you
to have some...
And I was just in
a Robert Rodriguez film.
So...
And then...
Mmm, that tastes like
warm success.
Just kidding.
A $20 gift certificate
to Meltdown Comics!
That didn't pay off either.
Well, you said it's so excited
and it's $10.
No, it's $20!
And she wrote
love you. Yeah, and it's got
love you on it. That's nice.
Yeah, it is nice. Alright, pass them down.
Thank you for that.
It's really hot in here. Let's definitely just drink that.
They might want to be careful when you open that.
Alright, here we go. I don't know,
you know, the guests are always a secret on this show. I don't know if you guys are
just genuine Starship Trooper fans.
Everyone should be.
Tell them what you brought for the
winner today, Casper.
You can't have the bag
because my kids gave it to me.
It says, for the coolest dad, we love you.
I'd give it away
if I were you.
My fiancee,
she says I should.
Yeah.
Someone needs that love.
Yes, so I have
the Starship Troopers trilogy
plus the fourth Starship Troopers
DVD, Invasion, which I didn't
do the voiceover for, but it's a guy that sounds
just like me.
So you signed it? I signed it.
Yeah, that's nice.
Fuck, yes I did. you are starship troopers you are all things starship troopers I didn't sign number two oh okay I'm not in that one and it's number two
but I'm in number three so I signed that one okay and then I brought a Starship Troopers rat check doll from Starship Troopers, the last one.
And then I brought, for the rest of the audience,
I brought 100 pictures signed, different Starship Troopers ones.
So there you go.
Yeah!
Yeah!
That's for the losers.
They can be winners.
I want them to be winners right away,
so I'm going to open this up.
I feel like I don't have anything for the losers.
Grab one and pass it down, you guys.
Everybody gets one.
There's a whole bunch of different ones.
There's enough for everybody this time, Doug?
You guys can pick whichever one you like.
Yes, there are less than 100 people here
and more than 50.
You can have this bag back if you want.
No, I was just kidding.
Okay.
It's just nice that my kids wrote that.
Because it's a beautiful Justice League bag.
It is a beautiful Justice League bag.
Yeah.
They can go home and pretend they have children that love them.
It was very cute.
We love you.
You're the best dad.
Did you just sign that card as well, or did they actually write it?
They wrote that.
They wrote that.
Awesome.
Or my fiancƩ probably wrote it. She probably that. Or my fiance probably
wrote it. She probably did.
Make sure everyone gets one, you guys.
Oh, they wrote it. Okay.
Oh, she doesn't want one of your pictures?
Your fiance? You don't want one?
She has the best pictures.
Oh.
I know which
picture she's talking about.
Alright. I didn't realize it would cause so much I know which picture she's talking about. All right.
I didn't realize it would cause so much commotion
to pass these out right now.
That one's the 20 minutes we can do it.
That's with Dina Meyer and I, the one you're holding.
That's the one where we have 20 minutes in the movie.
You didn't see the movie, did you?
I'm completely naked in it.
All right, so some of you might end up grabbing more than one because there's different
pictures in there. So
do what you gotta do, everybody.
Vote with your conscience.
And while
you do that, we're gonna discuss
we're gonna have a couple more movie topics
here. Starting with, we'll go
to you first, Jeff. What was
the last movie that you saw?
I went to a midnight screening
of Spider-Man Colon Homecoming.
Nice.
And I loved it.
That's why he goes home, because he's having troubles with his colon.
She's got to
go home and take a Spidey shit.
Spoiler alert.
But you liked it a great deal?
I thought it was great, and I think
it might be one of my favorite Marvel movies okay I mean I think I really enjoy their chemistry
in the in Civil War between Iron Man and Spidey and they get a lot of screen time
together yeah so I think you know it's kind of a de facto Iron Man which is
kind of still the most popular character I think with people especially as played
by Robert Downey jr
who's threatening to quit the part i don't know why he's just a guy an inventor with robot costumes
he could be 80. who gives a how old he is and like you don't really need to show like he
doesn't need to be there when they're doing the flying around stuff right he just goes into a room
and does adr and collects a paycheck well yeah they do those shots of just his face inside the helmet telling Jarvis
what to do.
Jarvis does most of the heavy lifting.
Paul Bettany's the one that should be like,
I'm getting out of these movies. I'm fucking
pushing 50.
But I'm glad you did a great job
of pumping us up about it
without spoiling anything.
No spoilers, but it's great.
Marissa Tomei.
Marissa Tomei. Great in the movie.
Not in a lot, but great. What?
Yeah, not in a lot. But
topless?
Wrong movie, Doug. No, I said
tapas. Does she make tapas for... I saw that
movie on a plane. For her nephew?
That was really... That was one of the most
awkward situations I've ever been in on a plane.
A movie with her and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Oh, yeah, the devil.
Yeah.
The devil in the blue dress.
Yeah.
No, that's not it.
It's something about a devil.
Devil knows you're dead.
Before the devil knows you're dead.
Yeah, something like that.
Full title.
Rosa?
Yeah.
What do you got?
What was that last movie you saw?
The last movie I saw in theaters was big sick for the second time
Yeah, you went back. We saw the
Los Angeles premiere of big sick and loved it and then she went back and saw it again
I loved it so much. I wanted to pay for it. Yeah
That's nice. You know I just want to be part of my money the numbers and the excitement and it's expanding to more and more cities
Every weekend so if wherever you live look out for it or ask for it it's really good the big sick ray romano
holly hunter that's what it would say on the cable listing it actually starts stars kumail
but yeah they always get those cable listings. They're weird.
Get the names wrong.
Casper?
Last night I went with the Bat and the Sun crew,
the superpower beatdown crew.
I went and saw Spider-Man colon?
Homecoming?
You got to say colon?
You don't have to.
Spider-Man Homecoming.
Okay.
It was amazing.
Right? It was great, right? It was amazing. Spider-Man Homecoming. Okay. It was amazing. Yes.
Right?
It's great, right?
It's amazing.
Spider-Man was amazing.
What do you think about the length of these movies these days?
They're always over two hours long.
Is it too long even though you loved it?
I have that problem with a lot of the Marvel movies, but this one I wasn't looking at my eyes.
It flies by.
Yeah.
They also got rid of so much of the origin shit in Civil War that this one can just get right into it.
You don't have to sit around watching him discover that he has
powers. I think maybe my favorite thing about it
is there's literally one line
where he says to somebody, I was bitten
by a spider. That person says
can I be bitten by
a spider? And he goes, no, the spider's dead.
And that's the entire origin story
in the movie. That was my first act as
Spider-Man squashing that
fucking spider that might have actually been the best part of the movie but that they didn't need
to do any of that shit yeah i love that about it i mean all the origin movies just i already get
like oh who cares we don't just get to it i don't need to know why. We know already. Yeah, let's go. Like Starship Troopers, bugs start eating people immediately.
They do, they do, they do.
We kill them all.
Bugs get shot to shit immediately, yes.
Kill them all.
All right, now this is a tougher question.
And don't feel bad if you can't get the right answer
because it's really difficult.
Starting with you, Jeff.
What's the best movie I've never
seen? Doug, I've been so
excited to... Somebody's phone went off in a really
dramatic manner.
Dun, dun, dun!
Ever since you've been asking this on the podcast,
I want to know if you've ever seen John Carpenter's
In the Mouth of Madness.
You say John Carpenter's
with that, you know,
apostrophe S at the end.
Of course I've seen it.
You can't skip a John Carpenter's.
I love that movie.
If it's John Carpenter's, I'm going to check it out.
You're going to see it.
Okay.
Fair.
Yeah, because the music might be like...
No, I love...
I often quote...
I often cite Halloween as being my favorite scary movie and Escape
from New York and The Fog and John Carpenter's The Thing, which was one time where it's like,
it was somebody else's The Thing and then you made it.
And you did it, yeah.
Yeah, you fucker.
But that's a great, that's a Kurt Russell classic.
What about you, Rosa?
Have you got one you think I might not have seen?
Have you seen the Muppets movie, Follow That Bird?
Now, listen.
Again, once it's Muppets with an apostrophe S,
once it belongs to them, I'm fucking in.
You've seen it? No, I haven't seen that one.
But I also...
John Candy's in it.
I had a VCR copy of that that I wore out
when I was a kid. Isn't it so good? Great movie.
Told you, Justin.
But there's no way,
as much as I like Big Bird,
there's no way that I'm
going to be like, this movie is great.
I might find it passable.
It might be mildly amusing.
But it's a straight up G-rated Sesame Street movie.
It's a Big Bird vehicle.
If you will.
All your favorites are in it.
Grover, Oscar, Maria.
Was that Little Rose's favorite?
Elmo! Elmo!
Elmo!
Yes!
No, I wasn't a fan of Elmo.
No?
No.
Elmo was too late for me.
By the time everybody was tickling Elmo,
I was like way too old to care.
The moms would kill each other for those.
Right, it was bad.
Do you remember that?
Yeah, there was a lot of Elmo murders.
Yeah. Casper, Do you remember that? Yeah, there was a lot of Elmo murders. Yeah.
Casper, do you have one?
Have you seen Paul Verhoeven's?
This is a new one.
L.
I did see L's.
It's so good.
It's really incredible.
It makes rape.
Oh, shit.
It makes rape what?
I'm very interested
in what it has to do
to rape.
No, no, no.
This is how you started out.
It makes rape
make you feel uncomfortable
for how you're laughing at it
in this movie
because you're sitting there
and you're thinking
this is the worst thing
that possibly could happen
and yet
you're thinking
The character handles it
in such a way
that it's so surprising.
It's amazing.
She's not a victim.
She's not like going after him.
She comes back
and makes it
she makes being raped and makes it,
she makes being raped,
she makes it,
she gets empowered.
Yeah.
She gets empowered through it and you get,
you start feeling uncomfortable in it
because you're like,
this is brilliant.
This is amazing.
And I'm not pro-rape.
I'm not saying anything like that,
but I'm not.
You should never have to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I was getting uncomfortable
just hearing him talk about it.
Everyone gets so silent. I'm looking at this going, Johnny I'm not going to say that. I was getting uncomfortable just hearing him talk about it. Everyone got so silent.
I'm looking at this going,
Johnny Rico is not pro-rape.
I'm just going to say it.
Now we all have to go.
Unless it's a brain bug,
unless it's a brain bug.
Rape that brain bug.
Rape that brain bug.
But he made,
she was so phenomenal in that film
and she came across,
she was not the studio's first choice. Isabelle Huppert.
Yeah, I thought she might snake the Oscar away from Emma Stone.
I thought she should have.
She's so good in it.
And Paul should have been nominated, in my opinion.
That's not just because I worked with him.
Yeah, it's just a troubling movie in a lot of ways.
So I can see where it didn't get as much award attention as it deserved,
but you should definitely check it out.
It was that brilliant and all that.
Did you also see Black Book?
No.
His Black Book is brilliant.
It's another one, it's about Nazis, and it's...
You love comedies.
It's more, it's a more recent Verhoeven, like before L.
It's just before L, and it was another one of his brilliant ones.
It's so fun because he's still a good friend
and I went to, he had screenings of him
here in the States
and he invited me to both of them
and I went to him
and he's just a phenomenal director.
I wish that they would allow him to do it
but he's just, he's so controversial
and he gets, he refuses to bend to the studio system yeah no he
took the concept of the invisible man and went what if the insula man like
wanted to rape and kill people yeah but no while he was invisible what would
happen then and then he made a movie you have to sit there and watch watch it go
holy shit that he didn't even that would be really bad if that happened he didn't
even want to make that movie why he just did it like that was just like a fun one in between he was under he was under contract he was under
contract he had all these other ones he was going to do one called uh crusades with arnold
schwarzenegger he was going to do houdini with uh with uh um tom cruise yeah tom cruise um and he
had he had like all these other ones and they kept falling through and then he was under contract and
he had to make one and that was the one he had to make at the time yeah well you know you got to work with kevin bacon because then
you're one degree from kevin bacon it's a pretty exciting place to be
all right well great answers and i'll have to check out some of that stuff
pretty much just black book but i do want to i want to be a verhoeven completist i want to see
all of his films because i've enjoyed some of them a great deal follow that bird is on itunes
for anyone else who wants to see a classic check it out
it just sounds like a chase movie where somebody flips off the cops.
All right, this is the part of the show
where Bert turns it off,
because I'm about to say,
let the games begin!
Lots of folks brought name tags.
Each of you put down your microphone and go physically grab the person you'd like to play for's name tag and bring it back to the stage.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
Here's some commercial messages.
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Get stitching, y'all!
Alright, we're back.
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
I am playing for Ian, and his poster
basically only says Ian,
but it is the UHF poster,
the Weird Al Yankovic Classic.
Instead of UHF, it says IAN.
I literally have a full-size UHF poster of my house
that I am babysitting for my best friend
from elementary school who moved to the East Coast.
And he and I can do the whole movie back and forth.
So Ian, see me after the show and let's do it.
One of my favorite movies of all time.
Weird Al's UHF.
Or if you don't want to do lines for the movie,
you can have some hot cake.
Now be careful, there's something written
on the back of your name tag there, Casper.
Don't read that out loud.
It says...
Whatever you do.
Also, Ian's handwriting might be worse than mine,
which is not a real thing because I can't read this.
Let me see.
He's going to need to fill it in if I don't win.
I can read it.
All right.
I can't read that one.
Okay, perfect.
Then you won't spoil it.
Oh, I can read it?
No, we read it at the end.
If you lose the consolation prize,
I have to call whatever they wrote on the back a shithead.
Rosa, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Kevin,
and it says
Police Academy Kevin.
But...
Because he cleverly put a post-it note over the seven.
And in child's handwriting wrote
Kevin, but... On the soundtrack album.
Here's the thing, it's from Police Academy 6.
What?
You peeked under the thing?
Yeah.
That is definitely not a seven.
Police Academy, Kevin.
Yeah, good job, Kevin.
It's the original soundtrack.
It's on a record, and it's Police Academy, Kevin,
City Under Siege, Grandmaster Mella, and Van Silk
rap their big hit, What's the Matter With Your World?
Oh, so it's like an album single?
Yeah.
Weird.
All right, and the post-it note underneath
is probably where the shithead is, I think.
Yeah.
That's why there's a couple of them on there.
Got it.
All right, Casper's fanning himself with his La La fan.
Yes.
Yes.
Here's to the fools who dream.
Ryan, baby goose, I'm a stoned
Ra-Ra Land
from the
director of Whiplash and it doesn't
say who I'm playing for.
You're playing for Ra-Ra. I'm playing for Ra-Ra.
Yay. I'm playing for
Ra-Ra. That's really your name?
Aurora. Aurora.
Okay. Doug.
Yes. I forgot to say something.
Okay.
I also got a joint with my...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You should mention...
You should mention why you picked such a shitty name tag.
It's because he cleverly put a joint on it.
I was surprised the way it was sitting in his lap.
He also didn't put some lines of Coke on there.
Well, it worked. I went straight to it. was sitting in his lap. He also didn't put some lines of coke on there. Well, it worked.
I went straight to it.
Moth to the flame.
Good job, Kevin.
And good job, everybody.
And congratulations to the three who were chosen.
Casper, you probably should have picked something with a thicker stock.
If you needed a fan.
There's a La La Land out there that would fan you so good.
I know, I should have got the...
Yeah, fan us with that.
Oh, that's a great one.
That's really why you have people
bring name tags over the summer, right, Doug?
I was blinded by the weed, girl.
I'm sorry.
All right, well, somebody's going to win
all of these prizes on stage,
but everybody gets signed pictures from Casper
and cake from Jeff.
And if anyone wants to come and just get
warm between my thighs,
you can come on up and at any
moment and just...
I didn't bring anything for the whole room.
So...
Well, apparently you did.
You just made that offer for everyone.
It's like a...
I am not pro-rape.
That's two of us.
Two on this panel are not pro-rape.
So heed that.
Two for two.
Before you come up here and get warm.
I'm still on the fence about it
alright so
about rape?
alright so
everyone has an opinion
let's start with a game
that is beloved far and wide
and it's called ABC
Deez Nuts.
And so much people love it, even in a hot room.
Let's do some fucking lines.
What the hell?
Oh my goodness.
What a surprise.
Wow. Wow.
Goodbye patient.
Got the sweet sensation.
I'll wait.
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
What's up, LA?
Fucking right, dude.
What's up, Doug?
Hey, that looks like a really hot...
What's up, CBD?
How you doing, motherfucker?
Good to see you, bro.
Looks like kind of a warm jacket for today.
No, dude.
If you fit like this,
you can wear whatever the fuck you want.
Sweat it out, motherfuckers.
Oh.
Dude, I'm not the person you gotta thank
for me being here today.
Oh, really?
Who do I have to thank?
Donnie heard you were giving out free cake.
Can we go? Can we go? Can we go? Can we go? Can we go?
Can we go? Can we go?
Shut the fuck up, dude. We'll go.
I told him, I go, they're giving it out outside,
so you gotta fucking wait outside.
He's out there with a little Asian dude
with an umbrella just fucking waiting.
Would you say he's out there hanging tough?
Sure.
Jeff? This is not your time. This is my time. out there hanging tough? Sure. Jeff,
this is not your time.
This is my time.
But I said your first name
to your face.
You're welcome.
That is a pretty sweet treat.
Oh, man.
All right, so I guess that means
we're going to play a game
called Doing Lines with Mark.
Mark and Wayne, we are good. All right, so I guess that means we're going to play a game called Doing Lines with Mark. I think this is all my guests' first time playing this game.
So basically, he's going to...
Oh, my God.
He's grabbing his dick so sensually.
No, he's not.
He's not.
Just put his hand near it.
We're going to play... That's just his thigh. He's not. Just put his hand near it. We're going to play.
That's just his thigh.
He's going to...
You made that thigh offer,
and you never knew your dreams were going to come true.
Thank you.
I will I heart fuckabees you any day, Mark.
Put that on a pillow.
We'll lay on it.
All right. So Mark is going to say
a line from a movie.
It's not one of his own movies. We
burned through all of those because he's come by
so often.
It's going to be a line from, I hope,
a classic motion picture.
Just guess as often as you'd
like into your microphones until
you get the right answer the movie title of the movie
listen to his mouth you know what don't stop looking at me do this shit here we Come on, come on.
You owe me five grand.
Look good, feel good.
You look good, you feel good.
Oh, boogie nights.
He says that every time.
This is the line now.
Oh, he's just pumping himself? He gets ready for it, yeah.
Come on, come on.
Broke my arm.
Teddy didn't make it.
Never did find out who that guy
was.
All I remember is his beady eyes and his high
squeaky laugh. Usual suspects.
No.
Oh, shit. Broke my my arm teddy didn't make it never did find out who that guy was
um all i remember was his beady little eyes don't say it if you know it in the audience it's just
between casper and jeff and his high school and rosa and me if i feel like it starship troopers no
broke my arm.
Teddy?
Didn't make it.
Never did find out
who that guy was.
All I remember was his
beady little eyes
and his
high squeaky laugh.
You want another one?
Yeah.
Same movie.
Here we go.
Okay.
I'm not bad.
I'm just drawn that way.
Roger Rabbit.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
It is fucking Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
That was the second to last movie I watched.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Who says the line about the arm being broken?
It's his brother.
Yeah.
Come on.
Holy shit.
That movie's crazy.
They dropped that fucking piano on his ass.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
They were investigating that bank robbery.
All right.
Get hip, bro.
All right.
Good job.
Thank you, Mark.
I'm out of here.
If you can, two slices for Donnie. You got it, man. All right. We'll. Thank you, Mark. I'm out of here. If you can, two slices for Donnie.
You got it, man.
All right.
We'll save two for Donnie.
I forgot to point out to Mark the pain and gain in Otis.
That was awesome.
That was a good one.
All right.
Well, Jeff won that one.
That was a squeaker, though.
You were trying to get the title out, Casper.
I spit it out.
Yeah, all right.
I was mesmerized.
I could not.
You can't con straight on his Disney cartoon quotes.
That movie stands up.
It does?
Yeah, just watch it recently. Because it's like Christopher Lloyd's character
is genuinely menacing
and what's her name? Jessica Rabbit
is genuinely hot but also
untrustworthy.
She's just drawn that way.
Yeah, that's the line he said!
Alright, well we gotta play ABC
These Nuts as I, because it's a spelling game.
And in honor of Casper Van Dien being here, and Starship Troopers is a movie that I'm going to be interrupting at the Traverse City Film Festival on July 28th.
So let's spell Starship Troopers.
How this works is we start with Jeff, then we'll go to Rosa, then Casper. I'll give you a letter from the title Starship Troopers. How this works is we start with Jeff, then we'll go to Rosa, then Casper.
I'll give you a letter from the title Starship Troopers.
You name any movie ever made with that first letter,
that is the first letter of the title.
Sounds easy, but it's harder than you think.
And if you match the title I wrote down ahead of time,
then you win the game automatically.
But the idea is to just try to stay in i'll start with you jeff starship troopers starts with an s so give me a movie that
starts with the letter i don't know why this just came into my mind but she's having a baby
okay that starts with an s i wrote down starship troopers 3, Marauder. Seemed pretty obvious to me.
Marauder.
Rosa, the letter is T.
Any movie that begins with T.
Train Spotting.
Train Spotting.
You say it like you've got only a few seconds.
Like a transcommer.
Oh, okay.
I went with The Deadly Mantis.
Ugh.
Yeah.
A is your letter, Casper.
Any movie that begins with A.
Amelie.
Amelie. Well, that's a good one.
I went with
Arachnophobia.
R is your letter, Jeff.
All right. I'm going to go with Red, but I'm trying to follow red red. Okay, or red two or reds
Yeah, all of those will be qualify. I went with Rodan
Rodan mm-hmm s Rosa sling blade
Yes, and if you could do the your answer as a character from the film,
there's no bonus points, but it sure is fun.
Sling Blade.
I went with a movie called Slither.
Oh, that's a great one.
H is the next letter for Casper.
Happy Madison.
Good one.
I said, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Jeff, I.
I, Robot.
Okay. A little obvious, but
I went Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
P, Rosa.
Platinum Blonde. No, I mean
go to the bathroom now.
Okay. Platinum Blonde? Yeah. to the bathroom now Okay Platinum blonde
Yeah
Okay
I said Predator
T for Casper
Tremors
Wow
Oh so close
I said them
Exclamation point
R for Jeff
Red 2.
I chose Rattlers.
Yeah. So I don't know if you guys are noticing a theme emerging
but Rosa, any
movie begins with O.
I already had one.
You do? Otis and Milo.
All right. You know what? It's the other way around. I will. Yeah,is and Milo. All right. You know what?
It's the other way around.
I will.
Yeah, it's Milo and Otis, and it's also The Adventures of.
But it could also be.
Does it matter which way you say it?
I think so, yeah.
I'm a bit of a stickler.
You got another O title?
Yes.
What is it?
Just start talking. Just go, O...
One fine day.
Oh, there you go. Good job.
I did what you said and it worked.
Yeah, I went with Operation Dumbo Drop.
Yeah.
It's off
the theme because I couldn't think of any
O titles.
So that's sort of a clue for the next O for Casper.
Octopussy?
Oh, that's a good O.
I went over the top.
Alright, we're back on theme
for the rest of these. P. Piranha.
No. Pacific Rim. E.
E.T. No.
Empire of the Ants. Oh, that's a good Rim. E. E.T. No. Empire of the Ants.
Oh, that's a good one. R.
R.
Ra.
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I hate snakes.
Every single one of these movies
has
bugs or monsters or snakes
in them. S-N-E-T.
Yeah. And Milo.
That would have matched if that's the bug monster
or snake movie I'd chosen. We don't know what
he is. Yeah. And Jeff, the
final S. Did we already go with
Slither somewhere in there? Yes.
Slither 2.
I just set that up so nicely for you.
Gave it to you on a platter.
Snakes on a plane.
Oh!
Oh, man.
Yeah, but you still won the last game,
so you get to go first in this one,
and it's called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
There's a tagline associated
with a lot of films. Let me see
your VH1.
VH1.
UHF.
A lot of TV stations have
forgotten what quality means,
but not Channel 62.
They never knew what it
meant.
That is a fucking wordy tagline.
But that's the idea.
What's the tagline on La La Land again?
At the top?
From the director of Whiplash.
Here's to the fools who dream.
Yeah, here's to the fools who dream.
All right, so those are the examples.
We'll start again with Jeff.
We'll switch the order around.
We'll go to Casper and then Rosa. You each get one guess at what movie
this is the tagline for.
Mischief loves company.
Wait, it's Jeff.
Look who's talking to.
Okay.
That's not right, but
I like it.
Casper? The Little Rascals.
That is fucking correct.
Holy shit.
Oh my god.
How the hell?
I got five kids.
And mischief does love company, doesn't it?
Holy shit, that was impressive.
Alright.
Rosa gets to go first on this next one.
I gotta get my pen out.
Give Johnny Rico a checkmark.
You know what to do.
I'm so glad you don't have his intensity all the time.
Come on, all you apes, you wanna live forever?
Alright, Rosa.
Yeah.
First comes marriage.
Then comes divorce. And then... Dot, dot, Rosa. Yeah. First comes marriage, then comes divorce, and then dot, dot, dot.
First comes marriage.
Look who's talking.
It's not a terrible guess.
I think look who's talking probably applies to most taglines ever written.
Jeff?
I believe it is written
on Rosa's hat. Is it parenthood?
Oh, it says parenthood on her hat?
No.
I'm plugging myself.
The War of the Roses.
From five years ago.
Oh, that's your guess, The War of the Roses.
I like that, but I bet you they had a more clever
tagline for that movie, like, marriage, it'll fucking kill
you.
But this was for
a Nancy Meyers movie called It's
Complicated. Oh, shit.
Yeah, I would never get that.
Oh, well, believe me, I never would have
thought you'd think of Little Rascals.
So who knows what's going on
in your brain.
But we'll start again with Rosa.
Okay.
And the tagline is,
you won't believe your eye.
Monsters, Inc.?
That's right.
Nice.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh my God!
All right, Jeff, you get to start this next one.
Mischief.
Mayhem.
Soap.
Fight Club. that's right nice and the thing that those four have in
common as you know it's very easy to
miss I wouldn't expect you guys to
figure that out is there's a scene in
baby driver where babies just flipping
between the channels and those are the four things
he watches a few seconds
of each of those movies.
I thought that'd be
a cute little tribute to Baby Driver
but now we gotta break this tie
because each of you got one right.
Yeah, Kevin!
Casper gets to go first on this
next one. Good luck, dude.
The only good bug is a dead bug.
No!
Ants.
Bug's life.
Starship Troopers!
Starship Troopers!
Alright. One, two, three, and four, and now five. All of them have that name. All right.
One, two, three, and four, and now five.
All of them have that name.
Oh, they all say that every time?
I think so.
They should.
Yeah.
Same thing.
Pretty good mantra.
Yeah.
The only... Dead bug.
Dead bug.
They list a few taglines for movies that have multiple ones,
and that was a fun one to choose from.
They have some good ones.
They do, and it's funny because I'll be at the gas station,
and somebody will go,
Rico, you know what to do!
And I'll go, yeah!
And they'll go, what are you doing here?
Getting gas!
Then clearly you don't know what to do.
This is what I'm doing.
How's that going to fight bugs?
If you can't get to battle,
you can't fight the bug.
Gotta get gas.
Were the people that get killed
by the bugs in the first Starship Troopers,
were they sad or were you sad for them
that they would definitely not have anything to do with future installments yeah i don't know i guess that's a
dumb question of course anytime somebody gets killed off in something there's you know the
chance they'll make more without them yeah it's always going to be a little bit sad have you ever
been killed in anything yeah a lot i was uh sleepy hollow made me half the man i am today
killed in anything? Yeah, a lot.
Sleepy Hollow made me half the man I am today.
Which half?
Right in half.
Everybody else lost their head in that one. I just got cut in half.
So I said it made me half the man.
To create...
To get into character, did you just listen to the song
yesterday over and over again?
I'm not half the man
I used to be.
There's a shadow.
And it's hollow.
I'm the only Dutch American in that film.
The what?
Dutch American.
Sleepy Hollow's a Dutch American story
and Tim Burton, when he hired me for that,
he's like, you're the only guy
that's really a Dutch American in this.
And I go, yeah.
Sounds like another one of the fun conversation with him.
He's funny, though.
Was I like the most he ever talked to you?
No, he's just super sweet.
I had to audition for that.
And so like my agent called me and they're like,
you have to audition for Tim Burton.
So I prepared and I had this three page scene
that got cut out of the movie before we even shot it.
But I show up and I do the first line
and everybody's in there.
And Tim Burton goes,
okay, that's great.
Okay, you have kids, right?
Let me give you a book.
And we just walked out of that room with Scott Rudin in there,
everybody else in there.
They just walked me right out,
and I had the part, I guess.
But it was so amazing,
because I had prepared to do the whole scene,
but I only said one line.
So it was amazing.
He's just awesome.
He's super funny.
What book did he give you?
He gave me the one with the boy
that has pins for eyes and he wrote it
to my kids who were two
and five. Yeah, it's never too early
to terrorize them.
With fucking pin eyes.
Oh my god. They're like
nails in the eyes and they're bleeding. It's these books
that he drew. They're really creative.
My 20 year old has it now
She's an actress
Do you have a favorite director
You've ever worked with?
Robert Rodriguez?
Yeah really?
Fuck yeah
He's so cool
He's the fucking coolest
He was just texting me
Because we took a picture
Let's hear the text
What did he text?
Is he saucy in text?
He's like, awesome.
Use your mic.
I think I told you I've always,
one of my favorite movies on the playlist,
and when I loop, when I'm writing,
this is on right now,
and it's a picture of Starship Troopers.
Ha ha.
And I'm dying for the 4K release.
Wow.
That's when he just literally texted me.
What a lovely, sincere man.
I was hoping
for something stupid.
Well, I texted him.
He is so earnest.
No, he is.
He's just a sweet man.
Mostly,
mostly we talked about that
during the film.
For me, he's like,
I just wanted to tell you
this is what I think
of Starship Troopers.
And then his photographer,
one of his photographers,
Rico.
Rico.
Yeah.
Wow.
Small world. He goes, you don Rico? Rico. Yeah. Wow. Small world.
He goes, you don't know. He loves that film.
He does. I go.
Yeah, it's just like if your name's Utah, you have to love
Point Break.
Or Mormons.
Everybody else get me too. You all the time.
All right. So Casper won that last game.
I mean, that little rascals thing was such a good pull
that he deserves it.
So you're going to get to go first in our final game, Casper.
And this one, this is for all the marbles.
This is the one where all the bugs are going to end up dead.
Starship Troopers?
Yeah, it's just taking turns saying things
you know about Starship Troopers.
Good luck, Jeff!
I remember boobs.
Right? Co-ed shower.
That's a brilliant move.
It's a very violent movie. You've got to get some
nudity in there, too.
Make it really exciting for young
people.
It's a great movie to see when you're not old enough
to see a movie like that.
And wasn't there
a point where they were trying to make it
PG or something?
Everybody wanted it PG-13
except for Paul Verhoeven.
Yeah, and he did the right thing.
Really violent is the way to go
with a movie like that.
But they lost out on it
because there was a New York Times thing,
I think, where they got 13 and 14-year-old boys.
They got 1,000 of them to go buy tickets
to see Mr. Bean
and see if they could sneak into Starship Troopers,
and they were all able to do that.
So the next week in the multiplexes,
they were all aware of this,
and they were just saying,
don't let little 13, 14-year-old boys buy tickets to Mr. Bean.
But Disney re-released Little Mermaid,
the re-release of Little Mermaid again.
Oh, yeah.
And so the New York Times did the test
with 1,000 13-year-old and 14-year-old boys
to see if they could buy a ticket
to Little Mermaid re-release.
And all 1,000 of them were able to do it
and sneak into Starship Coopers.
So we actually didn't make the money we should have made because... and all thousand of them were able to do it and sneak into Starship Troopers.
So we actually didn't make the money we should have made because it was our recount.
Disney owes you $11,000.
The re-release of Little Mermaid for the re-release,
which they put up two weeks early
in the same theaters of Starship Troopers,
this is how smart they are in all their business, they made $22 million in the re-release of the Little Mermaid, the re-release, which they put up two weeks early in the same theaters as Starship Troopers. This is how smart they are in all their business.
They made $22 million in the re-release of
The Little Mermaid. The re-release, because it's already
been out.
Yeah, they can't do that anymore now.
And Mr. B made $22 million in its opening weekend.
It did? Yeah.
Wow, you're like Jim Carrey, but the number's
22.
Right?
He's got a movie, the number 23.
I got it. I understood that.
I saw some of it the other day,
and he's just running around adding things up.
It's weird.
It's a weird-ass movie.
Everything equals 23.
All right, so
I was explaining this final game.
We're going to get the name of an actor or actress
from an audience member that's been preselected,
and they take turns naming movies that that person's been in.
I like to play along with this one
because I don't know who it's going to be.
And then the person between the three of you
that lasts the longest in naming movies
by this person
who you're
playing for will get all the prizes.
You also get one lifeline
and that is the person you chose.
So Jeff can go
to Ian once. Rosa can
go to Kevin once.
And Ra Ra
is going to help out Casper potentially one
time and yeah Casper won that last game so they'll go Casper Rosa Jeff and then
me and where is I found this one on Instagram JMW 602. Way back here, though. All right. Yeah, because you drove all the way from Phoenix?
Well, I'm here for three weeks.
Oh, you're in town from Phoenix for three weeks on business.
On business.
Yeah.
And you came here today late or?
Yeah, late.
Okay.
I didn't check.
I'm so glad you made it.
Because you told me today on Instagram, I've got a name for you.
And I've been counting on you.
So give it up, Jay.
What name are we going to play today?
James Cromwell.
Okay, listen, Jay.
I really thought we understood each other.
I really needed a great name
for, can anyone on the...
Babe.
Babe, two pig in the city.
Okay, so Rose is out.
She's the only one that just...
Well, fuck, can we do TV?
But do you know who he is now?
Yes, I always knew who he was.
Oh, okay.
Rest in peace, James Cromwell.
But yeah, he's a character actor.
He's in a shit ton of things,
but as soon as you...
The Babes ones are a great example of...
He's done a lot of TV.
Where he's most memorable.
I went to elementary school with his son, John,
and we went to a movie with him,
and I can't even remember what movie that was.
He's also the president in a recent movie, wasn't he?
Wasn't he the president? Probably. You put it up there you better know yeah hey jay name you better fucking name name three james crommel movies that
aren't a babe movie uh the green mile the green mile um was in Revenge of the Nerds.
Revenge of the Nerds, yes.
He was in both of them.
Revenge of the Nerds 2, Nerds in Paradise.
Mother.
Because he's the dad of Anthony Edwards' character.
Or was he the dad of David Carradine's?
Do you have a James Cromwell crush?
Is that John?
Yeah, are you his son?
Why did you pick James Cromwell? He's been in a lot of stuff. He's been in a lot of stuff. Yeah, you're his son? Why did you pick James Cromwell?
He's been in a lot of stuff.
Yeah, you're right about that.
That's the trouble with character actors, though,
is they've been in a lot of stuff, but, you know,
we can't necessarily place...
Richard Hendricks is a character actor. I don't know him.
Who? Richard Hendricks. Oh, yeah.
He's THE character actor.
Not Jenkins? Richard Jenkins.
THE character actor, Richard Jenkins.
Fuck!
He's so great.
James Cronmoghan?
Richard Jenkins is great in Bone Tomahawk,
if you get a chance to see that.
He's in I Heart Huckabees with your boy back there.
My boy.
Yeah.
I bet he's not back there. Unless Donnie probably took him somewhere else and then came back.
Alright so, we still need a name. So now, but thank you Jay for that effort. We have a gentleman here raising his hand.
Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis. See now that's a great name. Thank you. But we're out of time. Thank you, everybody.
Hudson Hawk.
We're going to have to go fast.
Yeah, all right.
So Casper's starting us off with the classic Hudson Hawk.
Rosa?
Sun City.
Directed by Robert Rodriguez.
Die Hard.
Okay, we're going to do that?
Somebody had to do it. That's how you want to do this?
Yes.
Die Hard 2.
Aww. Aww.
Aww.
No.
Casper.
Die Harder.
I think that was like the pretend additional words on Die Hard 2.
Some people call it Die Hard 2, Die Harder.
I will do Bonfire of the Vanities.
I'm going to do...
It's not...
I always get these three mixed up.
Oh, be careful.
Which is...
Say it right.
Oh, sorry.
Death Becomes Her.
You got that confused with what?
With Witches of Eastwick and Beaches.
Oh.
Hocus Pocus, maybe?
Practical magic?
No.
No?
Okay.
All right.
Although I love Sandy B.
I love the witches.
Jeff?
Die Hard with a Vengeance.
That's what it's called, yeah.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then there's...
Live Free or Die Hard.
Unbreakable.
Yes.
Wow.
Oh, split, motherfuckers.
Kevin.
I've never seen split, motherfuckers.
Yeah, you haven't.
Jeff.
Don't forget you guys have lifelines.
I know Bruce Willis is a fairly easy one.
Look who's talking.
Right?
I was so excited when I realized that.
I'm going to go a different way with it.
Disney's The Kid.
Red.
What? Oh yeah, red.
The Sixth Motherfucking Sense.
Of course.
Now it's fun the way you said that, but please.
Correct title.
The Sixth Sense.
Look who's talking too.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
The player.
Casper.
Look who's still talking no
you can use your lifeline
anytime
I can use my lifeline
rah rah
let me see
rah rah rah
I could use rah rah
I could use rah rah
or you could just name
another Bruce Willis movie
of course he
start
no what are you doing
how dare you
did he ask you to say it burn them what was that rah rah that said that No, what are you doing? How dare you?
Did he ask you to say it?
What?
Was that Rah-Rah that said that?
I thought he was asking.
Yes, Rah-Rah was asking. Okay, all right, he'll take it.
That was my lifeline.
All right, so what do you say?
I said Fifth Element.
Okay, Fifth Element.
Perfect.
Okay.
Perfect.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, says Rosa.
Is he insensitive to Kevin?
Last man standing.
Last man standing.
Last man standing.
And it goes with the games.
Yes, it does.
Thanks, Kevin.
That worked out good.
Live free or die hard.
Isn't that what I said?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
I thought you said the other one.
I'm trying to come up with it
because I had it before,
so I'll just go Looper
and then we'll come back around.
Yeah, let's come back around to that.
Let's loop back around to that.
All right, Looper's a good one.
I'm going to say
Ocean's Twelve.
Yeah.
Bruce Willis as himself
should say on a lot of his movies if you ask me
casper you got another one yeah no i do i do i do it okay what's it called it's the new m
night show she just said it. She said split already. Split?
Oh, because it's not that one.
I know I know more of his.
Oh, I thought it was.
Dude, there's a clock on this, right?
Oh, I just thought of another one.
I know, I'm thinking of one.
I know Bruce Willis.
You know, nobody wants to put a clock on Johnny Rico.
Nobody wants to clock Johnny Rico.
He's been in so many things.
Give yourself a quick Johnny Rico pep talk.
All right, Johnny Rico, you know what to do.
You got to kill them all.
He's got to be in something like, it's like, he's...
Yeah, where's Bruce Willis fighting giant bugs?
I don't think he has, because he's a pussy.
He should be killing bugs.
He should be in...
I got this, Kevin.
I know, you got this.
I'm sorry, I'm letting you down
on this one. I should be a bigger Bruce Willis fan
too.
Okay, I'm going to give myself 10 more seconds.
So let's count it out. But that's how that game
works, or this game works, is that
you just draw a blank on some of the most
obvious
titles. Kill Bill?
He wasn't in any of the Kill Bills.
No.
What's that one he was in?
We already did it, didn't we? Yeah, we did a lot of them.
The audience is dying to help.
The Quentin Tarantino one.
They haven't gone around to making the sixth element yet.
The Quentin Tarantino one.
Yeah, I know.
It's sad.
It's sad to watch this happen.
You don't know what to do!
Come on, Johnny!
Nothing? Nope.
Alright. Great try, though.
Rosa? Looper.
Such confidence.
I'm just kidding.
Looper, who's talking? I'm just kidding. Looper, who's talking?
I'm just kidding.
Fuck.
Fuck.
You got this.
You got this.
The Quentin Tarantino one.
I'm interested.
Don't say anything, you guys.
Don't even make noises.
I know exactly what it is.
Can I say it?
Can I go back?
No.
Oh. Oh, No. Oh!
Oh shit.
Um, oh.
Hey girl!
And it ain't that one, the obvious one.
No, it is that one!
Stop it!
It's a fiction!
No more!
God damn it.
I'm so scared.
I love it.
Get it, girl.
I so wanted that one to just lay out there.
That's so sad.
All right.
A good day to die hard.
That's what it's called.
Fantastic day for a dead dick.
I will go
I'm going to go way back
to the early days and say
blind date.
Yeah, Rosa.
God.
What's happening out there?
Why is the person talking out loud?
Don't.
It's the only way I know how to stop it.
Just to say stop it.
Um.
Um.
Oh.
Shit.
Is, is, uh.
Is die another day one?
No, that's the 007.
We covered all the diehards.
Get dying, um...
Die already, goddammit.
There's one where he's a dad of a girl and...
Oh, right.
Or is that Quaid?
It's always Quaid.
Not Randy.
Yeah, not Randy Quaid, I hope.
No.
Let's see here.
I hope you're not confusing
Bruce Willis with Randy Quaid.
There's one where he's
looking at another guy.
Oh, right.
They're like looking at each other.
No, like, hey, we're in this movie looking at each other.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm just going to say Sin City 2 since I don't know.
Okay, you're out.
Fuck!
All right, Ian, I have another one, but I want you to give me one as well so I can go at least one.
Oh, you're going to your lifeline.
I like it.
Cop Out? Cop Out. Cop Out. Of course. Cop Out. well so I can go at least oh you're going to your lifeline I like it cop out cop out of course
I'm gonna have to go again back to the beginning days sundown a western look who's talking now
you did it you banged out the whole trilogy.
He's not in that one.
Oh, he's not in that one?
Oh, fuck.
I win.
Is he in...
We're done, right?
We've all covered it?
I think so.
Is he in Shark's Tale?
I don't think so.
He's in Over the Hedge.
Armageddon!
We missed so many obvious ones there's a there's a lot of movie obvious the one he did with Richard Gere to oh yeah oh yeah no it
was notions 12 don't you dare don't you dare is he to Kill Force? Because 12 is the one they apologized for.
They jumped the shark and then 13 was supposed to be better and it wasn't.
He is in Sin City 2.
What did you call it?
Sin City 2.
Oh, I have to do the Dame to Kill Force?
The what part?
You didn't say do the whole title.
Right.
Okay, so then he says, look, look Who's talking now then what do you say
Sin City
No you already said that before he did his next one
Armageddon
12 monkeys
Yeah now you can just cherry pick from all the things we've been saying
He whispered it in my ear
But what else do we miss you guys
The whole nine yards
The whole nine yards. The whole nine yards.
And the whole ten yards.
We said Pulp Fiction.
We said Pulp Fiction.
Where the fuck were you?
That's the one I blanked out,
and then I remember when she was struggling.
They're not right when they say this is way harder up here.
When they were saying Tarantino.
In my car, I would have had 40 of them.
No, it's not way harder.
It's just hard.
It's way hotter.
It's very hot up here. It starts out hard
and then... You're soft.
What are you saying over there?
It's supposed to be sunset, not sundown. Sunset? I fucked up.
So Jeff is our winner anyway.
Two for two!
I think I fucked up.
I think I called it sundown the last time
we played Bruce Willis. I'm like permanently
going to get that wrong. I'm going to throw this out there, Doug.
I know you've had people come back.
I will be in New York when you're in New York.
Just throwing that out there. Oh, that's good to do
on the show because now, you know,
people can get their refunds.
But where is
Ian? Ian, come get your prizes,
dude.
And everybody gets cake except Ian.
So he really is the winner today.
Where is he?
Oh, there he is.
Congratulations, dude.
There's this thing.
And then the...
Whoa.
Super power beat down back.
Yeah.
And then the piƱata, yeah.
He came up here and was like, all this?
Yeah, I mean, I say take all the cake as well.
What about the cakes?
Do you want your name tag?
There you go.
Oh, the cakes are to be distributed after the show.
Okay.
There's good Tupperware in there.
Come on.
Let him eat cake.
Let him eat cake.
Let him eat cake.
Is that your girlfriend?
That is my girlfriend saying,
get all of the cake out of our house.
My girlfriend.
But do you want to unzip one and have Rosa try it
in front of everybody?
I'm dairy gluten free, so I can't.
You can't?
Dairy gluten sugar free.
Casper, will you try one?
I'm not a cake guy.
Me neither.
I don't want any of that shit.
Look at our skin.
I can go back
and get the forks and the plates if everybody just wants
to raid the stage. We've got them
ready to go. I think you should just start throwing cake at the
audience. It's not donuts,
Casper. Calm down.
But let's get some plugs in
before we wrap this up.
Jeff, what's the big day? Thursday?
Trip Testers airs Thursday, July 13th
as a marathon on the Travel Channel.
And Black Crystal Wolf Kids plays
the LA Lobster Fest at the Port of Los Angeles
July 14th.
So hopefully you will see me on TV
or see me on stage somewhere.
Thanks.
Port of Los Angeles.
That's where Queen Mary is?
No, it's in San Pedro.
Okay.
Yes. Food network.
Alright. Rosa?
You can hear me on Doug Loves Movies
this episode.
Yeah, this is a
gum-free episode.
Very exciting.
People are gonna love it.
And you can
see Alita Battle Angel in about 500 years, 2018, July.
And you can see Maze Runner 3, The Death Cure, a month before that, June 2018.
All right.
Thanks.
Should be worth the wait.
And Casper, Van Dien, first of all,
I just want to reiterate, it's been an honor
to have you here.
It's been my honor.
Yeah.
We thank you for your
service.
Service guarantees citizenship.
Yes.
Exactly. That movie is
so fucking creepy.
I love it.
Like, who's creepier, the bugs or Neil Patrick Harris?
Neil Patrick Harris.
Love him.
Yeah.
No, he's so good in that movie, and he got it.
I mean, everybody, like, that's what I love about that movie is it's so, it's campy, but
everybody seems to get it, and it's smart, and Like you said, Ed Neumeier wrote some great stuff.
I look forward to the next installment.
He's awesome.
Yeah.
We'll look for you in Alita, even though both you and Rosa won't really be able to see you, right?
Yes, you will.
Yes, you will.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I feel like we're going to be saying that.
I don't need to know any more than that.
You'll see her.
I'm like a flash, but she's
the whole thing. She's the lead of Battle Angel.
Yeah, yeah.
Anything else you want
people to check out?
Check out my hot fiance.
My fiance!
She's the host of Superpower Beatdown.
She's awesome.
Great. There's awesome. Great.
There's usually not spousal plugs.
Oh, yeah.
It's a whole different show.
I got the new Starship Troopers coming out, I think, August 21st.
And check it out.
It's a lot of fun.
I'm just doing the voiceover for it.
So I just spew a lot of the same words I've already just said tonight on stage.
So if you want a repeat of this show, you can watch that movie.
All right. And can you guys pass me
the name tags you picked?
I gotta read that stuff off the back
or the Post-it note.
Thank you.
I'm glad you kill bugs faster than that.
Not all the time.
What the fuck? All right, so... I'm glad you kill bugs faster than that. Not all the time.
What the fuck?
All right, so,
one more time for all of my guests,
Jeff Miller, Rosa Salazar,
Casper Von Dean.
And as always,
Dean Cain is a shithead.
Kevin!
That's a fun name mashup though.
Casper Van Dean Cain.
And Mike Lazo
is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch
another Bucky.
Guys, the world is viewing
crowd with big stiff Bucky.
There's no room in his heart for you,
cause Doug loves movies!