Doug Loves Movies - Charlie Hodge, Matt Bearden, and Tim League Guest
Episode Date: September 27, 2012Taped live at the Fantastic Fest in Austin, TX, Doug welcomes festival co-founder Tim League and comedians Charlie Hodge and Matt Bearden to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/p...rivacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie babies, sticky seats
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies Hey, everybody.
You don't have to respond, but it was adorable nonetheless.
Let me pull my notes out here.
I just came from a screening and just ran right in to do this.
The Fantastic Fest really knows how to keep a tight schedule.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from the Highball Lounge.
Next to the Alamo Drafthouse, South Lamar location in Austin, Texas
during the aforementioned
Fantastic Fest
on Wednesday, September 26th
to Oceans 12
at 420-ish.
Oh, I thought that guy
was hitting a bong over there.
He's just looking at his phone.
Because the reason I said that is hitting a bong over there. He's just looking at his phone. Because,
the reason I said that
is because
this is a
smoke them if you got them event.
Yeah,
no one will be yelled at,
hopefully,
for,
for smoking marijuana
starting now.
And until this is over. And, what's that red light right there that's
filmed I think filming me what's happening with that could that stop yeah don't look around
you're the one this is an audio podcast and I don't want there to be any visual memories I
wanted to all except for everybody that's here. Those are the only people that get to experience it. I appreciate that if you guys don't
Don't film me
What did I want to tell you before we get started?
I'm jealous of all of you that are here right now having a cocktail because I am on day 26 of sober September
Yeah, I picked the wrong fucking week.
The wrong month, but the month where Fantastic Fest happens
was a bad idea, so next year it's gonna be
sober October for me,
because I'm coming back to Fantastic Fest for sure.
Let me do a quick audience survey here.
I'm going to leap off the stage because it's too far to walk to the steps.
Oh, that wasn't bad.
What's your favorite movie so far, sir?
I'd have to say Blackout.
Blackout. I did like that one.
That was like the Dutch finally got around to making a Guy Ritchie movie.
Yeah, it was really fun.
Do you have a favorite movie, young lady?
Period or just for Fantastic Fest?
For Fantastic Fest.
I haven't seen any films for Fantastic Fest.
You're the perfect person to ask.
Let me ask somebody that's got a badge
that doesn't say volunteer on it.
Have you seen some
films yeah what's your favorite sightseers oh i've heard that title thrown around but i know
nothing about it i try to go into all the movies that i see oh shaggy loves movies i try to go to
all the movies i see here i try to do them as blind as possible that's right i wear really dark
glasses and sit there and wonder
what was happening on the screen. No, I just go in and just watch them. I just
saw a thing called Crave. Did you guys see that? Yeah, that's an award winner
here at the festival. I couldn't tell you what award it won. Do you know?
No idea. Thanks, volunteer. Good work. And John with the toilet seat around his neck,
you tweeted me that you were gonna with the toilet seat around his neck,
you tweeted me that you were going to have a toilet seat around your neck,
so thanks for the heads up.
You shithead.
Do you have a favorite?
Yeah, Antiviral.
Oh, yeah, I've heard a lot of good things about that, too.
That's the great thing about a festival like this,
is all the movies will be out and about there in the world someday, and uh so the ones i missed at least i have that in my head i gotta
see antiviral and i gotta see sightseers and you guys don't have badges so you didn't see anything
uh this is a part of what i'm enjoying about this event is that uh applaud if you
did not attend fast fantastic fest but you're here for this. Yay!
Gotta love Austin.
Oh, and I also love the smell in here.
It's starting to...
By the time this show's
over, I'm going to think I'm in Amsterdam
because that's one of the only other places
I've ever performed where there was a really
pungent weed smell in
the room during the show.
Does somebody have something you can run up here and let me
take a hit off of? Is that possible?
Because I would love to
get on the same page with
you guys. Oh, here we go.
I didn't think that would take
very long.
Oh, there you are
too.
You're my favorite volunteer.
Let me just hit this one because it's fun to mix it up.
I've already been smoking your shit.
Let's put the high in highball, you guys.
I'll see you after.
People didn't take off from work early
and rush down here for watching Doug smoke pot.
Although that's going to be my next podcast.
Although that's going to be my next podcast.
That was good.
Thank you very much for that.
Since last I spoke and you listened, I did a Master Pancake movie mock
at the Alamo Village here in Austin.
And we did Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer,
which features past and hopefully future
Douglas Movies guests Chris Evans and Brian Posehn.
So the less said about that piece of shit, the better.
But it was fun to watch with an audience.
And tonight at Fantastic Fest,
I'm going to see a rough cut
of Paramount's
Paranormal Activity 4
And I see every
Paranormal Activity movie
Or as I like to call them
Oh no, a ghost just knocked over a chair
And then it says here
Oh, I forgot to mention
You can smoke if you guys want to.
So I didn't forget to mention it, but I wrote down that I forgot to mention it just in case.
Let's look in the prize bag, you guys.
There's a shirt that says Snatch on it, and that'll get explained to you a little bit later.
There's a Fantastic Fest poster.
There's a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt,. There's a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt.
The highly coveted
Doug Loves Movies t-shirt.
This is the first time in my life
on a very hot day I'm going to complain about
air conditioning because it keeps blowing my
notes off of the table.
We've got a copy of
My CD Smug Life.
We've got from Fear Net
a weird ice cube tray.
And we've got from our friends at Tito's,
Handmade Vodka,
a koozie.
Tito's!
And we got a Blu-ray of a movie.
I have no idea what it is,
but it's called The War of the Arrows.
And so enjoy that if you win today.
And from the folks at Shinerbach, we've got a
lucky rabbit's foot.
And...
Oh, and it all comes
in a fantastic,
fantastic, fantastic fest bag.
And also,
you have
two tickets waiting for you tonight
to see Paranormal Activity at
midnight right over there in the theater
next door if you want them.
And also
tomorrow afternoon you'll be my
guest plus one for
the second screening of the greatest
movie ever rolled right here.
Fantastic Fest.
So without any further ado,
let's get my guests out here on stage.
A couple of old friends of mine
and a new friend of mine.
As of this week,
possibly my absolute best friend.
Please welcome Charlie Hodge, Matt Bearden,
and Mr. Fantastic Fest himself,
Tim League. Matt Bearden and Mr. Fantastic Fest himself, Tim Leig.
You got that right You got that right
Hey fellas
How you doing?
Good morning
That's right
It's 4.43
Somewhere
That first voice you heard
was my friend Matt Bearden
from the Dudley and Bob show,
KLBJ Mornings.
Dude, that's great.
You're a veteran of the podcast.
I am.
I'm really excited
to try to uphold my victory.
I won at Leonard Maltin by accident.
I hope to do it again.
Okay.
Well, good luck to you.
I don't think it's going to happen.
I'm going to be honest with you.
You've got some fierce competitors up here.
That's right.
That second voice you heard earlier is my friend Charlie Hodge.
Say hello, Charlie Hodge.
Hello, Charlie Hodge. Hello, everyone. Now, you're wearing the shirt that I didn't understand that says SNATCH on it.
Yeah, it's an organization I started.
SNATCH is an acronym.
It stands for Stopping Negative Austinites Through Cocktappetness.
Basically, if you see some sort of Johnny Dallas out of town or a carpetbagging son of a bitch
trying to build a Razzus
on Barton Springs,
you go,
hey, buddy,
not in my town.
You take a page out of Philly's book
and throw a battery at him.
I brought some batteries.
Here you go, buddy.
Help yourself to that.
You just threw a battery
at that guy?
That was more of a giving.
That was not a, get the hell out of here.
Yeah, you didn't overhand it anyway.
No, but it's an organization you can join.
Raise your right hand.
Everyone raise your right hand.
Oh, well, I have to join right now?
Raise your right hand.
Yeah, right now.
Okay.
You can't talk to people that aren't a part.
Repeat after me.
I pledge my allegiance to the organization
Snatch.
I pledge my allegiance to the organization
Snatch. Now you're card-carrying
members.
The next time you do that, you should
throw in and Snatch in general,
because who doesn't?
Who doesn't like Snatch or the Guy Ritchie film
of the same name?
Well, thank you for
bringing that, and I understand you have some more
of those nearby that
you can toss out at crowd
members if you want.
Various points during the show.
And what was the other prize you tried to give me?
Oh, there's a koozie that says Snatch on it.
Those things fly
nice. They're actually
made out of wetsuits that Jacques Cousteau himself wore
I had to pay extra
But that's true
This
Is the real prize that I brought
For someone to win
It's not just an Allen wrench
It is country music
Legend
Dale Watson's Allen wrench
There was a crowd of 50 people that witnessed It is country music legend Dale Watson's Allen Wrench.
There was a crowd of 50 people that witnessed the bequeathing of this Allen Wrench to me.
It can be proved, verified, and you could have it along with a snatched t-shirt.
So someone's going to win this and then spend the rest of their lives telling people about it,
followed by who gives a shit.
No, that's a very unique prize.
I like it when people get that specific.
And most people in this room know this guy,
Tim League, everybody. Hey.
So, I don't really want to make a big deal out of it,
but something smells a little funny in my licensed business establishment.
I can't quite put my finger on it,
but it's not the usual highball smell.
I don't know what...
I don't know what it is.
I told people something earlier
in the show that I think they misinterpreted.
You named the place
Highball.
Alright, so it's not
as if I'm actually officially
sanctioning or condoning anything that may or
may not be happening within these walls.
But...
Okay, so I'm officially sanctioning
anything.
Hi, Tim League.
I shouldn't have done that.
I don't think that's the right way to go.
I was supposed to be subtle about it
and kind of fucking blew it.
Are you allowed to swear on your...
Yes, you're allowed to swear.
You're the coolest dad ever.
Yeah. Yeah, of the things you're allowed to swear. You're the coolest dad ever. Yeah.
Yeah, of the things you're doing wrong right now,
swearing is really low on the list
of ones to worry about.
But just for the listeners at home,
tell us about your co-founder of Fantastic Fest.
Is that the right way to put it?
I think you're just completely in charge,
but I may be misled.
I am the co-founder of Fantastic Fest.
So this is a film festival that's going on here
at the Alamo Draft House and the Highball
for the past, God, it seems like 745 days.
But for the past six days,
genre movies, horror, science fiction, fantasy,
oddball, weird movies, and apparently this fiction, fantasy, oddball, weird movies.
And apparently this year, a lot of erect penises are also on display.
Yeah, what's that about?
That's not fantastic.
It just happened. I don't know.
Synchronicity.
Is Harvey Keitel involved in this erect penis?
It's synchronicity.
Is Harvey Keitel involved in this erect penis?
No, but there are some bad cops in some of these movies, to be sure.
Did you guys see Taped?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's a pretty bad cop in that movie.
Spoiler.
No, they give that away pretty early on. So you own this beautiful establishment,
the Highball, that has bowling and karaoke
and soon will also be destroyed?
Yeah.
That's next on the schedule.
It's something that we're planning.
We haven't done it before,
but we thought it might go over pretty well.
We're thinking about destroying it
with some bulldozers maybe at the end of November.
But I will guarantee
We're going to have a
I shouldn't do this
I was going to say we're going to have a blowout party
Where we're going to go apeshit bazonkers
But it's like
Man
Yeah I mean get rid of all the mirrors first
And don't hand out sledgehammers at the door
But it would be pretty fun to trash this place
Ah shit We're supposed to rebuild it like 200 feet away So we can go sledgehammers at the door, but it would be pretty fun to trash this place. Ah, shit.
We're supposed to rebuild it like 200 feet away,
so we can go
quote-unquote apeshit bazonkers if you guys want,
but don't break the mirrors,
because we're going to put those back up on the wall.
Pot and sledgehammers.
So it will have
a similar look, the new highball,
because people are worried it's going to be too modern,
because this has got kind of a...
How do you describe it?
Fake retro. Yeah, fake
retro. It's fretro.
It's feyetro. It was built like three years ago.
Yeah, okay.
But people still are sad about it.
And no bowling alley
in the new one. Why are you fucking bringing
me down, man?
No, I just...
Can we just talk
about the positives?
That's all we've been
talking about is
why would they skip
the bowling alley?
And my theory is just
that karaoke is more popular
than bowling these days.
No, I'm taking a lot of heat.
Thanks for bringing this up
in a public forum
for getting rid of the...
No, this is a chance
for you to just tell everybody
once and for all
because everybody
listens to this podcast.
Everybody wants to hear
about my decision
to not have bowling in.
This is good for
the national audience.
Is it too many,
you don't like
the smell of
exposed feet?
I actually do
really like that spray.
I took a couple,
I stole a couple bottles
and have a little
in my pantry.
Not my pantry.
What do you call it
where you put your shoes?
The closet.
Closet. Well, if you're Tim League, you might have a fancy in my pantry. What do you call it where you put your shoes? The closet. Well, if you're Tim League,
you might have a fancy shoe pantry.
You and
Carrie from Sex and the City.
Captain Crunch probably has one, too.
I have to apologize to you, Tim, for
America, for the USA
loss the other night at the
Fantastic Feud, an
annual event.
First time the Americans have ever
lost, and it's actually
your first time joining the American team,
isn't it? Yeah, so that's, I really,
I was feeling really down. I know.
I was feeling really shitty about it. And then, and look at the videotape. At that's, I really, I was feeling really down. I know, I was feeling really shitty about it.
And then, and look at the
videotape. At the end, I really come
to life because it was really settling
in that these fucking foreigners were
going to win.
And, no, I just happen to know some of the
answers towards the end. But,
yeah, I feel bad
and I'm hoping that I'll be able to come back
and make up for it next year by making the USC team lose once again. I feel bad, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to come back and make up for it next year by making the USC team lose once again.
I reviewed the tapes, much like I guess you did as well.
I do not want to ever see the tape of that.
I lost the game for the Americans,
because I was flippant in my answer about the worst twist ending of all time. And I knew that
my answer wasn't going to be on the board, but I thought
I had something that I wanted to get off my chest
in a public forum.
And I felt good about it at the time,
but then looking at the score, I realized that
I blew it for Team America.
What was the movie that you said?
The worst, and this is fact,
undeniable fact, because I'm a
movie professional.
The worst, and this is fact, undeniable fact, because I'm a movie professional, and the worst twist
ending of all time is from The Wizard of
Oz, because
it's the guy... Now I remember this rant.
I'm gonna cut it short.
Because it gave everybody
the idea that anything could end
with a dream. It was all just a dream.
Fuck you with that, and don't do that anymore.
That's what I say to filmmakers.
In nicer tones.
You know, when I'm more sober,
I say it more gently.
But really, that's what I'm saying.
Fuck you, stop doing that.
And screw you, Wizard of Oz, once and for all.
I'm going to keep on doing this
until I can actually have it appear on the board
that it actually is the worst twist ending of all time.
Well, that's what I don't get about
why they're making a movie that's supposed
to be like a sequel to it.
It's a prequel.
But whatever it is, it was just
some girl's fucking dream, that whole thing.
So how could there be
more stories from there
unless we dig up Judy Garland?
I'm in!
You had me at dig up Judy Garland.
What if they remade it and they actually used technology
to like shove a heart into a damn scarecrow
and like just pack courage into a lion,
but it's like a needle,
like how Wolverine got those claws.
Like meth.
Pack them full of meth.
That gives me courage.
Bath salts.
Now, one more thing before we move on to the next portion of the show.
At Fantastic Fest
for the past how many years has there
been fantastic debates?
This was our
fourth year, I think.
Fourth year. And every year, you manage to find people
that are willing to debate a hotly contested subject
in the world of cinema
and then physically box each other.
And why did you come up with this idea?
Just because you want to box people?
You know, it actually stems from an event that we do over at the Alamo, the Dianesium,
which happens once a month.
Is this a blatant plug?
Is it you allowed to do blatant plugs?
Blatant plug the crap out of the Alamo.
I love it.
So they do a formal debate.
It's one of my favorite parts of their show.
And so we took the formal high school debate structure, and then it was a fantastic fest.
So we wanted to kind of roid it up a little bit.
It just so happens that Randy Palmer has
had his gym.
The last night of his gym was our debates.
And so
there's a boxing ring in the center.
It's cheap to rent.
I love debates.
I don't know. We just put a card together.
The first year, I think it was
Uwe Boll came and fought.
Sure, because he's known for that.
He's known for that, yeah.
So it was easy to get him to participate.
Are you a big boxer, Tim?
Well, I've taken five lessons, so I'm pretty good.
I usually forget about cardiovascular health for 355 days
and then say, ah, shit, I got to fight somebody.
And then rapidly take three or four boxing lessons.
Did you say Manute Bull?
The dude's got reach.
Is that who you fought?
Yeah, he took a lot of severe knee injuries.
Boxing Tim League.
But then, yeah, and then like Dominic Monaghan and Elijah Wood boxed last year.
That was good because Elijah Wood was a devil shit talker right before that.
He was like, I am going to kick the living crap out of Dominic Monaghan.
Hobbits don't fight each other enough, in my opinion.
Oh, he got smoked.
He got really. He had
a look of fear and panic in his eyes at the end of the
second round because he got beat the fuck
up.
Alright.
Did you fight Doug?
No, no. They asked me several times
and the answer
remained no throughout.
If I can give a blanket no
in case you're going to ask me again next year.
It's just,
it's bad enough having to debate someone,
but then to have to put on boxing gloves
immediately after,
that's like,
that's two scary things back to back.
And you actually put podiums
in the middle of the boxing ring
and then have to drag them in and out of the ring in between rounds.
It's awesome.
What happened to the round card girl?
It was a round card girl who had no clothes on,
and then ten seconds later she was replaced by a dwarf.
Is that your idea of fantastic, Tim?
You might have realized that my management style is a little bit loose and sloppy.
Where did that girl go?
I don't know where she came from.
I don't know where she went.
There's a dead girl in a dwarf's trunk.
What is this, Judy Garland's other dream?
Oh, shit.
So this year, two young ladies who are sisters
fought each other.
They're sister filmmakers.
Twin sisters, the Saska sisters,
who have a movie called American Mary,
and their previous movie was Dead Hooker in a Trunk.
You might have seen that one
on the Criterion Collection.
Or whatever.
On PBS, I think it was on PBS.
And they knocked each other to the ground,
so it was a fantastic fight.
And they were dressed up as like street fighter girls.
Street fighter characters.
Sexy street fighter.
Yeah.
Oh, Mortal Kombat,
Mortal Kombat.
Sorry, I don't play video games.
And then
the next fight
was between a film critic
and a mumblecore director.
So it was an amazing debate
because the mumblecore guy
defended mumblecore
better than I've ever heard it defended
almost a miracle
what was his defense can I ask
his defense was that's the movies he makes are mumblecore
and he's made 70
of them in just a few years
one of them
is even called LOL
he's lazy at every step of the process
what should we call it LOL
action there's no script, doesn't matter
just keep talking
but I love the guy now because he made good points
in the debate but then he proceeded
to beat the shit out of a film critic
the mumblecore guy
just rocked the critics world
it was pretty hard
to watch actually, the film critic
Devin Farachi
I wasn't going to name names it's on the internet It was pretty hard to watch, actually. The film critic, Devin Farachi...
I wasn't going to name names because...
It's on the internet.
He went to the mat five times.
Whoa, whoa.
Harder, harder every time.
Five times?
How does he get out of this?
Is there no towel?
He kept standing up.
Sloppy management.
No, the naked brown car girl ran off with the towel.
No, he got up every time.
But after the first time he got knocked down,
he said, hey, can we wear headgear?
And then Tim League was like, oh, yeah, headgear.
Everyone should wear headgear.
And then, but then quickly tell us who you fought.
Yeah, I don't know.
I didn't really fight anybody.
I was up for a fight.
I geared up for this fight.
And so we have a movie in the festival called Miami Connection, which is, which that guy likes.
It's a movie from the 1980s.
It's set in Florida, obviously.
It's about a bunch of orphan Taekwondo masters who are in a rock band called Dragon Sound,
a new wave rock band called Dragon Sound.
And they go to battle against these cocaine-dealing ninjas
that are invading and trying to get them off of their regular gig
at their nightclub.
And so it's a pretty awesome movie.
But anyway, the guy playing one of these collegiate orphans
was in the 80s.
He was a 50-year-old Korean guy
who doesn't have really much of a mastery of the English language.
But he is a ninth-degree black belt grandmaster in Taekwondo.
So I debated Grandmaster YKKM, and we were supposed to fight.
And dude kind of...
Was he afraid that he was going to hurt you?
I don't know.
When I'm doing the math now here on the stage, I realize he might be about 75 years old.
And so, maybe
the aforementioned
loose management style, maybe things weren't
clearly communicated to a man who doesn't
speak English very well. I think it was just a
bad situation. As main events go, it was
a bit of a letdown
to watch you chase an old man
around the ring.
Did he show up? He showed up. He just ran around the ring. Did he show up?
He showed up.
He just ran around the ring like, oh.
I thought he was at the real Alamo in San Antonio
punching a docent.
This wasn't another place that erect penises showed up,
was it?
You could have just said tour guide.
Why you got to rub in our faces?
Fancy words like docent?
Docent.
It was accurate, yes.
Absolutely accurate.
I got Matt Bearden into it.
I know you guys are busy living your lives here in Austin,
so you didn't necessarily attend
any of the festival offerings,
but I managed to get a ticket for Matt
to see a movie this afternoon.
I'm glad you introduced me as not busy.
Worked out well.
You've got a schedule.
You did.
I went to room 237.
Also the running time of that movie.
It's a little long.
And they left out a lot of conspiracies.
That movie was really kind of awesome
because you can make a conspiracy out of anything.
Yeah, it's fascinating.
The director took the movie The Shining
and just over the years,
there's just been a lot of people with a lot of ideas
about what Stanley Kubrick was doing in The Shining.
Right.
Amongst the theories is that he was basically
winking at everybody that knows that The Moon Landing never...
Yes, yes.
The film of The Moon Landing...
Dude, it's really...
Here's the most awesome part of that movie,
but I'm the only one that will ever have this experience
unless you can convince this guy
to go to the movie with you all the time.
But the guy sitting next to me,
at one point in the movie
when that guy came up with another conspiracy theory,
the guy next to me did this under his breath.
Oh, fucking Christ.
I was like, I wanted to be like, I know, I know, right?
But here's what's weird.
There's that one guy who kept finding the twos,
the threes, and sevens and everything.
And they were showing the shot,
and he was talking about it.
And then when I looked at it,
I realized the pattern of the rug,
there were two dots, then three dots, then seven dots. And I wanted to yell out at the shot, and he was talking about it, and then when I looked at it, I realized the pattern of the rug, there were two dots, then three dots,
then seven dots, and I wanted to yell
out at the screen, you missed one!
Two, three, seven, you missed!
Because I spent two hours going, this is fucking
bullshit. And then I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute!
So I think I
accidentally, completely got,
I got hypnotized by the movie,
and at the end I was like, oh, fucking
sensei says yes, and I was end, I was like, oh, fucking sensei says yes,
and I was really...
And now I'm pretty much convinced that,
yeah, I think there were multiple shooters
in Dallas that killed Kennedy.
That's what I walked out of that movie with.
Is that what I was supposed to get from that movie?
I think so.
Conspiracies are real, yeah.
Is that a Nick Cage?
Yeah, it was just fun.
Like, there was a moment,
there was a moment in that movie
where all I could think of was
being in the attic of a friend's house
when you're in high school and high
and you're trying to figure out everything,
but it eventually comes back to,
how the fuck does a fly land on a ceiling?
Like, there was just, it all,
does he do a loop-de-loop?
Does he flip at the last minute?
And there was just that whole...
It's like the opposite of dropping a cat.
Well, there was a guy...
They just flip it around at the last second.
The guy, because the guy would go on this long theory,
and at the end of it, he'd go,
but I don't know, it could also just be this instead.
It was just like, yeah,
why not throw out all your theories at the end?
It's not that big of a deal.
You're not actually speaking to a camera.
The worst one.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
I was just thinking if you played it at the same time as Dark Side of the Moon,
you might actually do something.
They come up with a theory that you take the movie,
and then you flip the movie and play it in reverse,
and you play the reverse movie over the top of the regular movie,
and so they're superimposed over each other,
and they show you in the movie,
and then you're like,
well, they kind of have a fucking point, don't they?
And that's when it got me,
where you go from where,
all right, we are, as animals,
are designed to recognize patterns.
Like, right, that's how humans...
And you go in there with logic,
and at the end you're like,
no, fucking Kubrick is probably a goddamn alien,
and he's sending us a fucking message,
and why isn't everybody in this theater getting it?
We need to do something now, people!
Get up! We need to do something!
The world is heating up!
Fuck!
We need to spill our beers.
That's what I do.
The thing I do the best is spill beer.
Because also, tip of the hat to...
Also, I talk into my beer a lot.
I don't like to have a microphone and a beer at the same time.
I've got to say that that's one of the...
Were you having beers during the movie?
I had a couple.
Because there's no better...
It's a really long movie, in my defense.
And I needed to...
A couple hours feature length
I don't like anything longer than about 10 minutes
so it was
tough but they're actually showing
at the festival
the shining forwards and
backwards superimposed on itself
which is another awesome thing
about this festival is that's
something only crazy
people would want to watch.
And
I am one of those people. Like, when I
was watching Room 237 and they
brought that up, I was like, and I can see that
now also.
Right away. Like, if you had a Fantastic
Fest branded bag with mushroom
caps in it, hello, million
dollar idea, or $30 idea.
$5 idea. $5
idea. Depends on
where you get your mushroom caps.
But that would be, it was
one of those things where it really, I got excited
for a little while. I forgot that I have
a wife and kids and no
phone anymore. I was like, yes, let's do this.
Ah, fuck.
I was really, a few minutes into that, I was
just like, it is long, but I sat there thinking. Yeah, I was really, a few minutes into that, I was just like, it is long,
but I sat there thinking to myself,
I hope this doesn't end.
I hope that from now on, I will be getting
theories about The Shining
because it's amazing. I wish they'd have shown me some of the
faces of some of the people. I want to know what
these people look like. But wasn't that an interesting
style, though, the way he used only
footage from movies? Really well done.
Very, and like I said, I think it could have been tightened up maybe just a tad.
That sounds slanderous.
I enjoyed it.
I walked out having a good time, especially the, oh, fucking Christ.
Like, that was really, oh, that's fucking special.
There was a gentleman at the Q&A that I saw where the director came out.
I want to say his name is Rodney Asher.
Is that right?
And he came out, and one of the people in the out. I want to say his name is Rodney Asher. Is that right?
He came out and one of the people in the crowd raised his hand to say,
Hey,
is there anybody
that hates this movie because all of these theories
are stupid and aggravating?
He really laid into him about it.
Sounds like there's one person.
Yeah.
That was his thing.
But he also loved the movie,
he was trying to say.
But he loved the fact
that there's these
crazy conspiracies
that he doesn't believe in.
Yeah.
I mean, I want to see
the people.
I want to see their pictures.
Do you know what I mean?
I want to know
who's telling me.
The skier poster,
the skiing poster
that she says.
They're all minotaurs. They're all minotaurs.
They're all minotaurs.
This is all about mazes and minotaurs.
For sure.
Clearly, that skier is a minotaur.
That's the worst one.
That's the worst one.
That's when the guy went, oh, fucking Christ.
Because he was like, clearly, that's not a minotaur.
You are a boxed wine drinking cat lady.
And you're bored.
And things are tough. And you're a counting job. And that's and you're bored and things are tough and you're a counting
job and that's why you see a minotaur
there.
How you guys doing in the back? You doing alright?
Alright.
Where does the
blood come from in the elevator?
Box of wine.
Clearly.
Yeah, they don't
explain really what happens in The Shining.
It's still a confusing, scary movie,
but they do say a lot of...
But the funny thing about the skiing poster
is that the reason it's there, probably,
is because it's just a funny joke that in the movie,
there's no skiing at that resort.
That's why the family has to go and live there for the winter.
So there's a poster advertising for skiing
but they don't have a ski season
there. Are you positive though that it's even
done for a reason or is it just that you have a
prop department and you look through the lens
and you're like, that corner looks boring.
Put something there in a hurry. Put a picture of
a skier in a place where no skiing is
like, it's a funny mistake if it is
one. Wait a second.
I choose to think that none of it was planned.
They superimposed the movie over itself
and played it in reverse.
So at some point,
is he hitting himself with the axe
coming through the door?
You got it.
Well, it doesn't...
No, that wasn't the very center of the movie.
It wasn't?
That's when it comes together.
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of late in the film when he's chopping at the door and screaming, here's Johnny.
Well, when it's superimposed, it's pretty early in the movie.
Yeah.
Well, some people were saying you could watch the whole movie in half the time because you could just leave when they meet in the middle.
I can't wrap my head around this.
I still think.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's definitely weird.
And you should check it out
if you get a chance.
Yeah, I did make a sound
and nag it.
I think everybody should.
It was a really fun watch.
I just, God,
I want to see pictures
of the fucking people
so badly.
I just love the way
he used footage
from movies
other than The Shining.
So the whole time
you're watching just clips from movies,
but it's just telling you this story.
Do you think like when Kids' Days in the Picture came out,
every documentary suddenly went to that style?
Do you think you will suddenly see a ton of other documentaries?
There's a good chance with this because this is a great idea.
You can tell a lot of stories with footage from existing movies.
Exactly.
And so for people who don't know, instead of shooting reenactments,
they just took footage
from mainly Stanley Kubrick movies
and used that footage
to sort of explain
what people are talking about.
I just realized saying it,
it makes no sense
saying it out loud, does it?
Now you all should all say to me,
oh, fucking Christ.
I don't want to listen to this.
I don't like that.
Because what if in the future
people are archiving our society
and that'd be like the Rosetta Stone.
They're like, see, this movie proves that all movies are real.
Because those are thoughts they're having.
It was some sort of Mayan camera.
Mayan 2012 all over again.
You're right.
Now, Tim, how many Drafthouse cinemas are there around the country at this point?
You mogul you?
You baggy shorts wearing mogul?
Are they baggy?
Not really.
I wish they were.
I'm very self-conscious.
I wish you wouldn't have done that because now I'm really going to be totally distracted for the rest of this.
They're all looking at my knees.
You don't have socks on either.
I know, I know.
And I've got really sort of pasty.
Now I've descended into complete self-conscious territory.
It's like, why did I wear shorts?
This is supposed to be a professional podcast.
When you dress up, you wear a light blue polyester suit.
You cannot possibly be self-conscious.
And how many cinemas do you have now, though?
There's 12.
12 and mostly a lot in Texas.
A lot in Texas, a lot in Austin.
We've got one outlier in Kansas City and one in Virginia,
and we've got a couple under construction right now.
Coming soon to New York City?
Coming soon to New York City.
Yeah.
And again, for the listeners, because you guys already know,
they have a full menu and drinks
and it's not
as disruptive
of the movie
as you would think
it would be.
The staffs
are well trained
to be quiet
and crouchy
and
yeah,
they're totally crouchy.
Like their head
never gets in the way
of the screen
but you can just
feast and drink
right there
on a table right in front of yourself.
And now you can smoke pot.
At selected screenings.
Let me clarify, I never said anything to that effect.
Like 3.15 tomorrow.
I heard it, man!
We'll see you there.
We'll see you there But
My responsible managers
You know
In dealing with every event
That you've been a part of
At Fantastic Fest
Is like
Tim are you really sure
This is a great idea
Yeah are you sure about this
Cause that guy
Once you get him high
He starts breaking shit
He starts thinking
Those mirrors along the wall
Matt
Look like they're carpeting in The Shining
that they go on and on about
but the fake moon landing thing
I love that the proof that
Stanley Kubrick filmed the moon landing
because they couldn't actually
we really did go to the moon
this is the theory, we really went
but Stanley Kubrick was brought in to shoot footage
of being on the moon because they
couldn't get footage that would look good
to the people on television,
and they had to prove to everybody that they did this
thing, so they faked the footage
of the moon landing, and Stanley
Kubrick directed it.
And the reason we know that's true
is because the little boy
in The Shining at one point
is wearing a sweatshirt
that has a rocket ship that says USA on it.
Undeniable fact.
That makes it a fact.
Yeah, you could get a loan with that info.
You're welcome to fucking hate on the truth if you want to.
If you don't want to open your eyes up.
But it'd be a lot cooler if you did.
I don't know if you noticed, but right over there,
there are two separate rectangles.
And then in the middle, there are three whole octagons.
And then there are actually seven chunks of octagon on that wall.
So, hello, fucking proof.
What else do you need?
I see 237 everywhere.
237 everywhere.
This is the last podcast I do
before I end up in a padded cell for the rest of my life.
Tim, when you do a festival like this, do you walk away with like,
oh, I know which movie was my favorite, but I can't tell everyone
because I love all of my children and their films.
And by the way, you have twin daughters?
I do, yes, yes.
Your Christmas card every year, the two of them in pretty dresses
at the end of a hotel hallway
yep
I've got this all mapped out
okay good
good good
this year
Halloween costume
is I'm Mothra
and they're the summoning twins
we're saving
we're saving the shining twins
they're gonna be six
you know
the best one
the best one
is when they enter kindergarten
they're gonna dress
as a kid
as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito.
I've been thinking about this a lot, man.
I got this worked out.
When they enter kindergarten, just like in Twins, the movie.
Starve them for a year, and they could be the Olsen twins at Christmas.
Not even for a real holiday.
Oh, I shouldn't have said that.
Dress them up like Kirby Puckett.
They could be twins.
Was that a sports joke?
Yeah, he played with the Minnesota Twins.
Who's caught a ball barehanded?
I don't know.
I usually, whenever I get glassy-eyed,
I realize there was somebody talking about sports near me.
Kirby Puckett.
That's a great idea.
I'm totally going to do that.
Glassy.
Does anyone hunger for games?
Hey!
All right, I wanted to pay tribute
to the Fantastic Feud event
that is hosted every year by Joe Weinberg.
Scott Weinberg.
Scott Weinberg.
I want a Weinberg family.
A Weinberg.
Who might be here.
Is he here?
I always call him Weinberg,
so that's why I didn't know his first name.
And by always, I mean since I met him four days ago
when he was supposed to run
the Q&A at the screening of my movie
and ran in during the Q&A
because we'd started without
him and then continued
to run the Q&A without ever having
seen the movie.
And all
was forgiven because the first
thing he did was pass me a packed bowl.
So that's Weinberg.
So he's always in charge of the fantastic feud.
Yeah, this year, actually, it was Scott's idea, and he's always the host of it.
We actually added a logistics coordinator for Scott.
Because sometimes, like myself, maybe a loose management style because of some lifestyle decisions.
So I wouldn't say manager. Loose management. like myself, maybe a loose management style because of some lifestyle decisions. You know, so we...
I wouldn't say manager.
Loose management.
He could smoke cigarettes and wear leather pants.
Plays pool with men.
So... In honor of that event, one of the categories, one of the things we played was a version of the family feud,
where a certain topic is brought up, and then there's a number of answers to that topic from a poll that was taken.
And so I'd like to play a version of that with the three of you guys.
And we'll start with you, Tim, and then we'll move over to Charlie and Matt and what we're looking for the person who the first person who
can name the the you know well each of you will name an answer and and then you have to stick
with it hopefully you won't agree on the same thing and then the first the person who the I
asked on Twitter today these questions, and I got many responses,
and I sat there and I tallied them up.
And so according to my Twitter poll this morning,
what are the top three chick flicks
most tolerated by dudes?
So I want the three chick flicks
that a guy can manage to sit through with his lady and win some points with her and not go out of his mind.
So I give my answer?
Yeah, yeah.
What do you think is the number one, two, or three?
I don't even know if this is a chick flick.
But I think using my own life as an example, I would have to say Bring It On.
Bring It On.
That's a great one. I'm a fan of Bring It On. Bring It On. That's
a great one.
I'm a fan of that movie. I love that movie.
Yeah, that's a very fun movie, but...
I doubt it's on the list. I'm sorry.
It's, you know, ladies like it, but it's still
got fart jokes in it.
For us. Yeah, I saw
Bring It On in the theater alone
because I was having a weird, depressing day
and it really ruined it
when the three girls in front of me turned and giggled
and went, ew.
Fucking Christ.
The first time I felt really old
in my life. I was like, fuck you.
And I was like, oh, they have a point. Alright.
I am at the mall at
three in the afternoon, so obviously
I've made some bad choices.
We're just lucky that most of the sequels
have been on television.
I still go watch them at the mall.
Okay, Charlie, what do you think
is the number one, two, or three?
Does the movie
Personal Best count as a chick flick?
I wouldn't. I don't think so.
I think guys are more into lesbians than ladies
are. I could be
wrong. Centers around girls, though.
Yeah. Not really a chick flick.
Okay. I think
La Fontaine or whatever.
What was the name of the runner that
Oh, Prefontaine.
Prefontaine
is more of a chick flick.
That dude is handsome.
Alright, then Steel Magnolias. Yeah. Prefontaine is more of a chick flick. Prefontaine, yeah. Because that dude is handsome. He's got the dreamy eyes.
Mm-hmm.
All right, then.
Steel Magnolias.
Okay.
Yeah!
That's really hard for me to tolerate, but okay.
I love it.
It's got Dolly Parton in it, for God's sakes.
Might just be me.
Okay, and Matt, what do you think?
Titanic.
Boo.
Intolerable.
Intolerable.
Not a chick flick.
I've never seen it, but I thought maybe since it made a hundred million or whatever,
I thought maybe dudes went to go see it.
Was it all chicks just watching that movie?
Oh, are you doing the I've never seen a chick flick?
No, no, no.
You saw Bring It On.
Yeah, I saw Bring It On.
I admitted to that.
I fucking know all the words to the notebook.
Fucking suck this.
Yeah, let's get on it.
They say suck this in the notebook?
Yeah.
Page after page of suck this.
When Jack don't get what he wants, he sucks this.
Over and over and over again.
The typewriter changes color in The Shining.
Really?
Yeah.
9-11.
Yeah.
Think about it.
Just think about that.
It's total 9-11 shit, man.
Okay, so the number three favorite chick flick,
which I argue is not a chick flick,
Princess Bride.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Chick flick.
Yeah.
Who doesn't love Princess Bride?
And it's got sword play in it,
so that's not a chick flick.
A dainty sword play with lots of leaping.
Yeah, but still,
there's a guy constantly threatening another guy's life
after saying his name.
Can you hear yourself?
Most chick flicks don't have prepare to die in them unless it's cancer.
All right, I'll do the debates next year.
No, I won't.
Number two is Mean Girls.
Mean Girls.
That's a terrific chick flick.
Oh, but the...
Okay, yeah, but the category is that dudes will tolerate.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I tolerate the shit out of Mean Girls.
I sit there and watch it.
The only thing that makes me sad about it
is that Lindsay Lohan is such
an asshole now.
I still like that girl in that movie.
She's misunderstood.
Not an asshole.
All right.
And she's high.
Oh, God.
I said high, not hot.
You're high.
She looks like a coastal sea hag.
Hey. So do you think the
cops are just hassling her cuz she wrote something about them in the burn book
that's what it's about and the number one you guys swinging a miss for all
three of you the number one chick flick the dudes can tolerate is not Heather's
no that's not all that's also not a chick flick.
That's a Jack Nicholson movie.
Is it the one where Farrah Fawcett locks the guy in the fireplace and sprays him in the face with mace?
Stop guessing.
Love Actually.
There are dudes out there that like Love Actually.
And they're not even British.
Why do you love it so much?
Alan Rickman.
Alan Rickman, okay.
But that's really tolerating the Alan Rickman scenes of Love Actually.
It's not actually tolerating Love Actually.
I think that should be for the record.
It's all good actors.
Liam Neeson's in it, but he doesn't tell anyone to get under
the bed that they're
about to be taken.
I hate it when that
guy chicken hawks
his best friend by
showing up and
trying to get
jaw face to run
off with him by
using the cue
cards.
What are you
talking about?
Isn't that the
guy who's married
to Keira Knightley with the quagmire jaw? Oh, yeah, yeah. Love actually. And then his best friend comes and What are you talking about? Isn't that the guy who's married to... What movie are we on now?
Keira Knightley with the quagmire job.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Love Actually.
And then his best friend comes,
and he's like,
here, while you lie to him,
I'm going to sit here and show you cue cards and chicken hawk you.
That's no good.
Okay.
Can't watch that.
Try to say it in English next time.
That was English.
Honey boo boo English.
All right, let's play another round.
That was awesome.
Now, this is the last round of it.
Don't worry.
On the other side of the coin,
and we'll start at the other end this time.
We'll start with Matt.
Sounds like a terrible idea.
Three dumb dude movies,
bro movies, that are most tolerated by the ladies. Three dumb dude movies Bro movies
That are most tolerated by the ladies
Oh, fuck
Yeah, we've got the top three
So we're talking like, you know, action movies
Is that a clue to the three that are on your list?
Are they going to be action movies?
They're all action movies
I'm not going to pull a fast one on you
Is it movies for dudes who like movies?
No, for girls to sit through with their man and tolerate,
and maybe even love.
I will go with Wayne's World.
Definitely one of the better action movies.
Oh, it has to be an action movie.
Because sometimes they go like this.
That's an action.
Does it have to be? I didn't realize you said action. Yeah, sorry, action movies. Okay, an action movie. So's an action. Does it have to be?
I didn't realize
you said action.
Yeah, sorry,
action movies.
Okay, an action movie.
So you're out
and Charlie...
Oh, fuck.
No, that's okay.
Go ahead.
I will go with
one of those
Bourne movies.
Oh, okay.
You just want all of them?
Cover my bases.
Fucking cheater.
The Bourne...
Get your boxed wine cat-lo loving ass off of my mother fucker
okay born whatever the born whatever i'll tell you right now it's wrong it's not in there so
you wouldn't know or you would have been you would have said be specific so yeah i know i've lost
okay charlie well now that we've established that it's not a chick flick i would say a princess
bride with the action of the sword fighting that's a clever move on your part but none of Well, now that we've established that it's not a chick flick, I would say A Princess Bride.
With the action of the sword fighting.
That's a clever move on your part,
but none of the women thought of that as their favorite action movie.
The Top Gun.
Okay, that's a good guess. Top Gun.
He wrote it down. It must be in there. And what does Tim have for us?
People are starting to yell out answers
because I know it's happy hour and you're getting a little drunk.
The games are just between these guys,
so please don't help.
I'm not going to answer Die Hard that was yelled at.
I'm going to go with the original Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Okay.
All right.
So number three was Armageddon.
What?
That's some bullshit.
Oh, the love story.
All polls aren't accurate, says Romney's campaign team.
And then the number two is Robocop.
Yes!
That's pretty awesome.
Even as a lady.
This one goes out to the ladies.
This one goes out to all the ladies in the universe.
Oh, shit.
Cheers.
For fucking Robocop.
That is ultraviolet from the 80s.
I mean, I guess, did I need to remind you that these are ladies that follow me on Twitter?
So they're going to be down with this kind of stuff.
And then number one, the winner is in our audience, was Die Hard.
What?
The lady in the audience yelling Die Hard
knows of what she speaks.
I like Tim's answer
because I can picture a lady going,
the original
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Because ladies are specific about that stuff.
But that is, that's probably
a good answer. But I threw the word,
when I did the poll,
I made it sound like more like just, you know,
real aggressive kind of action fair.
And that's what they came up with.
And I happen to agree. You know, we'd actually, as participants in this,
we'd like to know all of the context
that you threw out to the ladies for this poll
so we can have better answers.
But I'm just saying.
Okay, next year.
And we'll trade notes on each other's game shows
and how they should work.
But also, very funny that someone pointed out to me on Twitter,
Love Actually and Die Hard, both Christmas films.
So that's what brings these asshole couples together.
Honey, we'll go see your Christmas movie
if you see my Christmas movie.
Are there any actors that were in both?
Alan Rickman.
Oh, Alan Rickman.
Is that why I was yelling that?
That's why I didn't really pursue
the Alan Rickman comment earlier
because I knew the diehard was going to be an answer.
I didn't want to put that in your head
until someone in the audience yelled it out.
Okay, so, but that was a nice move on your part, Tim,
to not take her answer.
Because you were thinking that probably was one of them.
It sounded like a good answer.
Yeah, I know.
She knew what she was doing.
She's down.
Let's play the Leonard Maltin game I believe some of you brought name tags
And lots of you are wearing badges from the festival
So that would also count
What is this standee right here?
I thought that was going to be your name tag
What is it?
It's Boba Fett
Let me see.
Let me show everybody.
You have a giant Boba Fett.
Here we go.
Look at...
Fold Boba Fett in half,
and he just looks like a fucking plumber.
Fold him in half.
It's just knee pads and a crank wrench.
I was going to ask you guys,
what movie did you think it was before we found out?
I was thinking Minute Work. I thought going to ask you guys, what movie did you think it was before we found out? I was thinking Men at Work.
I thought it was Mr. Mom.
Or Prefontaine after the double amputee accident.
Oh, happy hour, sad hour, no.
Unprefont cool, Matt.
He looks like Robert De Niro in Brazil.
Right?
Wasn't he a plumber?
Kind of?
Okay.
Oh, and there's a woot monkey just got thrown up here, too.
Well, thanks for bringing the Boba Fett.
Is your name anything like Boba Fett?
Oh, you had a little name tag for it?
Here, put it on there.
That's adorable.
Boba Fett Anthony Oh, now I get it
I didn't realize
And he's got a badge
Like he's at the festival
Yeah
Boba Fett loves festivals
Is that
Is that all
Are your name tags
Just paper
This year
Oh yeah There's a lady that She tweeted me That she was bringing cookies And I went That's great Are your name tags just paper this year?
There's a lady that she tweeted me that she was bringing cookies,
and I went, that's great.
I'm not going to eat them.
Something happened?
What?
Ever since the incident, you don't eat crowd cookies?
Yeah.
Like, what happened?
No, no, I don't.
Do they have weed in them, lady?
No, that's why I'm not going to eat them. I eat enough shit that's got weed in it.
Why would I eat anything that doesn't have weed in it?
I gotta keep my girlish figure
so I can hide behind a Boba Fett standee.
Yeah, right?
There you go.
There, yeah, we got it.
Beautiful.
Next thing I'm gonna do is buy something from Ikea.
I can put shit together.
I always thought it was harder than that.
All right, so the three of you gentlemen,
put your microphones down on your stools if you have to,
and select, go physically grab the name tag
that you want to play for today.
I see some good ones.
There's an amazing E.T. over there, and then, of course, John the Shithead. There's an amazing ET over there. And then of course
John the Shithead.
We got a hoverboard over there. Does that actually
work? Does that work?
I think Tim wants the hoverboard.
Don't forget the cookies.
She might
blew right past the cookies.
And Charlie Hodges
really working the room.
Did you see this E.T. thing, Charlie?
Look at that. That's pretty cool.
Can I add some surprises?
Yeah, yeah. Thanks.
Oh, you went with the shithead.
Let me see this hoverboard.
That's crazy.
And is your name on here somewhere?
James Pound.
All right.
Do you ever say Pound, James Pound?
Hey, listen. It would be great when you're about to make love. Hey Listen
It would be great
When you're like
About to make love
Does that happen to anybody
That comes to Fantastic Fest?
Or people getting laid, Tim?
And then
Bearden
Matt Bearden
Last minute contribution to the bag,
a little wind-up chef.
That is a miniature wind-up waffle-bot pass-out
from Harold and Kumar's Christmas 3-D.
Woo!
Very nice.
It seemed movie-themed
and really doesn't belong on my desk anymore.
Okay.
So someone else is going to get that.
So it's heartfelt.
Somebody else's wife can be angry that that's cluttering up.
And where did this wood monkey come in from?
Nice.
Thank you very much.
Can I put it in the prize bag or do you want it back?
Sign it and then give it back to you?
You son of a bitch.
You can sign it and maybe pin a $20 bill to it and throw it back to you? You son of a bitch. You can sign it
and maybe pin a $20 bill to it
and throw it back to me, brother.
Clearly you knew what he meant
when he threw it at your face.
I don't do a good Boba Fett,
so what if Boba Fett sounded like Bane?
I think it would go...
A little something like this. Now, Pat Boba Fett sounded like Bane? I think it would go... A little something like this.
Now, Pat Boba Fett, his hair.
Fix his hair a little bit.
There you go.
Sweet.
You've only seen me at the end of one movie
and the beginning of another,
and somehow I've still become a character
that people cherish.
I'm Boba Fett.
And some of you are going to die before I do.
Oh, look out for that Sarlacc pit I should have said to myself.
That would be a horrible place to die.
Okay, so who are you playing for, Matt?
I'm playing for Rochelle Who brought a
A headshot of my old roommate
Brendan Walsh
So
I wanted to
Now I can be reminded of what used to be on my sofa
Every day for two years
My Ikea shit fell apart already
It's about to walk out Really? No way Okay, so sofa every day for two years. My Ikea shit fell apart already.
Really? No way.
Okay, so supposedly police officers
are here.
Are they going to turn out to be strippers?
I don't know.
So
just keep it cool, everybody.
Somebody said they ordered that rare blowfish
that when cooked
smells exactly like something else.
Do you serve that by chance?
Yes, we do, as a matter of fact.
Somebody needs to go to the office right now
and explain that on a special menu board
and leave that around in casual spots.
Setting up a toilet seat
said it's cool.
Okay, and don't reveal the
shithead on the back of your name tag, because
that'll be, if you lose today, I will
announce that to everyone.
Matt is playing for Rochelle.
And who are you playing for,
Charlie? I think I'm playing for John.
That's right. Did you write
your shithead on the back? You did.
Okay, so just hand it over when,
if,
and when you lose,
if you want to sign it and throw it back at John,
I feel like I'm going to suffer because my daughter threatened you for an
autograph.
And James pound is who Tim league is playing for.
So with his,
with his hoverboard and, uh And as I always do,
I'm opening my Leonard Maltin iPhone app.
And bear with me,
because this is one of those ancient iPhone 4s.
Because if I'm going to stand in a line,
it's going to be to see a movie,
not to get a phone.
So nobody really won that previous game we played, so let's just start with Tim, co-founder of the festival,
and then we'll go to Charlie and then to Matt.
And Tim, you get to pick a category. Would you like
at CrimsonFury18
on Twitter suggested
legitimate cape.
Legitimate cape.
And that's movies where someone wears a real cape.
A legitimate cape.
Or
at Richard Hay Zeus
Hay is spelled H-A-Y
And then Zeus like the god
Suggested ass to mouth
And that's movies that have
A talking donkey in them
I was about to say yes
But let's go to another category
Or Celebrating a birthday today I was about to say yes, but let's go to another category.
Or,
celebrating a birthday today is actress Linda Hamilton,
who we all know and love.
And,
oh yeah, that's a good idea.
Could have said that to someone
who wasn't in the middle of talking.
But thank you, though.
Thank you for that.
So, where was I?
Linda Hamilton.
Those are my three choices?
Legitimate cape, please.
Okay.
Okay.
And basically all he whispered in my ear was,
hey, just tell everyone to be cool.
If you don't answer the door, they can't come in, man.
This movie where someone wears a real cape,
I'm pretty sure it was real,
is from the year 2005.
Leonard Maltin gives this movie
three stars. He calls it
highly entertaining.
He also says that it is
impeccably cast.
He lists
a boatload of names. He lists
13 names.
Can you say it a year again?
The year is 2005. He lists, what did I say? 13 names. Can you say it a year again? The year is 2005.
And he lists, what did I say?
13 names?
How many names, reading from the bottom of the
cast list up, do you think you can
secure the
answer to this?
If I ask for more than 13,
do I get additional clues?
No, because I've only got the 13 names here.
But 13 is a very smart
opening bid if you're
as confused as you seem to be right now.
This is all the information I'm going to get before I start
getting these names.
I'm going to go with...
I'm going to go with
four.
Was that a dumb idea? I'm James, I'm going to go with four. Was that a dumb idea?
James, I'm sorry.
It might be a dumb idea.
It might be a dumb idea.
But now we go to Charlie,
and he can either tell you to name it,
and you'll only hear four names
from the bottom of the cast list.
Screwed up.
Yeah.
I don't want to do it.
I don't know it.
He's figuring out that Howard the Duck wasn't 2005
and just now
when you went
oh shit
that's what I call
poker mouth
because it gives away
to the other players
where your head is at
this is a competition
I'm really sorry
Charlie you can do it
in three
yeah Charlie
you can bid lower
or
you can ask Tim
to name it
what do you think you're going to do about that one Yeah, Charlie, you can bid lower or you can ask Tim to name it.
What do you think you're going to do about that?
One.
Oh, Charlie's off the hook for this one.
Thank Christ.
Okay, now we go to Matt.
I believe that's the moment where I say, name that movie, Charlie. Okay, so Charlie gets the one name
since he's so confident I'm not even going to give you
the clues again unless you really feel like you need them.
I don't even feel I need the name.
I'm going to give it to you.
Just because that's where we're at
right now. People want to know
what that one name's going to be.
And it is Mark Boone Jr.
Nailed it.
Probably played for the Minnesota Twins.
Now if you say Mark Boone Sr., I know it right off the bat.
So what do you think the name of the movie is?
Lord of the Rings.
Legitimate capes throughout.
Probably too much legitimate cape.
No, the motion picture is called Batman Begins.
And that means Matt Beard is on the board with one point.
Playing for Rochelle.
Tim's got to figure this shit out now.
Because we're going to start with you again, Tim.
And you get to pick a category, and then we'll go to Matt and then to
Charlie. And
you get to choose between
these three categories.
In honor of the
fantastic debates,
I'm sorry, fantastic feud,
in honor of the fantastic
feud that you do here every year,
films that feature
Richard Dawson. Oh.
I might go there.
I might go there.
And then Shnedult,
S-C-H-N-E-L-J-T,
on Twitter suggested
Malmy Maybe.
And that's a movie
that has bears in them.
Correct.
Is that what Malmy means? Bear has bears in them. Correct. Is that what Baldi means?
Bear or bears in them.
And then
at Scary Mask suggested
Nicolas Page.
Nicolas Page is
comic book movies featuring Nicolas Cage.
Nicolas Page, please.
Okay.
This comic book, and again,
all of you are going to know the answer,
so do not yell out.
Gasping is allowed, I guess.
Two stars from Leonard Maltin.
I could not disagree with Leonard more
and wish he were sitting to my left right now
so I could give it to him.
Because two stars is not enough.
He says that this movie
is an orgy of excess
and that it leaves a bad taste behind.
2010.
Nicolas Cage is in this
movie and
Leonard lists
11 names.
12 names.
Sorry, 12 names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
I'll go with zero.
I might be wrong. I might be wrong.
I might be getting
my years wrong.
I believe this is the point
in the game where I say,
name that movie.
What's it called, Tim?
Is it Kick-Ass?
Yes, it is!
That's one for you, James.
I mean, Ghost Rider was an orgy of excess, too.
I wasn't sure.
My years were kind of squirreling together in my brain.
Yeah, I don't know where Leonard gets off with two stars for kick-ass,
but, you know, it happens.
Leonard Maltin doesn't understand lots of stuff.
Well, it left a bad taste in his mouth.
First of all, you don't eat a motion picture.
Just sit there and look at it and leave your mouth out of it.
Or go to the draft house and enjoy a delicious meal.
That's right.
Okay.
You also put fun things on your...
You're just like...
Everything you do, you try to figure out a way to make it more fun.
Oh, thanks, Doug.
Or figure out a way to try to get people in trouble.
Innocent people.
I don't like it when the staff whispers in my ear,
the cops are here, be cool.
That's not what you get up each day in the morning
hoping will happen?
Okay.
You should have bears, and you could release them into the parking lot when anything. Okay. You should have bears
and you could release them
into the parking lot
when anything bad happens.
Create a distraction.
And then we could fight that.
Why haven't you put bears
in here yet?
So what is happening
that the police were alerted
to our little extravagance?
I called them.
Drama.
I was just like,
that would be fucking awesome
if they show up.
They're a fucking party.
They bring lights
and everything.
I saw some people texting.
There's a rat amongst us.
Sons of bitches.
I didn't see anybody texting.
You know,
maybe they're going to
tear this place down.
What's the worst thing
they could do?
In November.
Okay.
So Tim just won a point, so we'll start with Charlie.
And Matt challenged Tim, so we'll go to Matt second.
And Charlie, would you like at Kikfia, K-I-K-F-I-I-A, suggested In Theaters How?
And that's the terrible movies
that are covered on the podcast
How Did This Get Made?
All right.
Yeah.
Or, since you might not be a listener
to that podcast,
Joseph Gordon Leave It.
Joseph Gordon Leave It,
that's movies where
Jorson, Joseph,
Jorson Gordon Schnerven, Schnerven, it played here, it's movies where Jorson, Joseph, Jorson Gordon Schnerven,
it played here, it's called
New Kids Nitro and it played here.
Starring the Schnerven
Verben brothers.
Joseph Gordon
leaves someone in the
movie or is left by someone.
And songs about
Rambos.
So glad this one came back up
which is movies where Sylvester Stallone
sings
yeah I gotta go with Sylvester Stallone
sings I'm glad you did
I'm glad you did cause no one ever picks
this category and I want to get rid of it
it's at Rowan Lane suggested
it on Twitter and the year
Charlie Hodge is 1984 it. It's at Rowan Lane suggested it on Twitter. And the year, Charlie
Hodge, is 1984.
Oh.
Yeah. One and a half stars.
One and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.
He
says about this movie... Can you preemptively
not read anymore and just go ahead and
guess? Yeah, can I go blind? No, you can't.
You can't. You gotta sit through this part. And do things like not say that, just go ahead and guess? Yeah, can I go blind? No, you can't. You can't. You got to sit through
this part
and do things like
not say that
because that gives away
to your competitors
that you're pretty excited
about this one
and you've already
got it figured out.
No, I mean,
what I mean is
keep trying to undo my bra.
Keep going.
I like this part.
He calls the movie
Contrived
and he also says that it has acres of unfunny dialogue
that is so not true one and a half stars uh he lists five people charlie
how many folks how many folks do you think it would take for you to name this this film? I feel pretty
confident, but I
felt pretty confident last time.
So I'm going to go
with two.
Okay.
I think Tim knows it, and in the interest
of a fun that is the three-way tie,
I'm going to tell Charlie to name
it, because I
have it narrowed down to two, but I'm going to tell Charlie to name it. Hoping that he doesn't. Because I have it narrowed down to two,
but I'm probably wrong.
Your two names.
He wasn't in Top Gun, right?
You've lost that loving feeling.
You've lost that loving feeling.
You've lost that loving feeling. No, Adrian, just the loving feeling. and all that love and feeling all that
love and
feeling
no Adrian
get some
love and
feeling
chicken
cuff and
link
make more
turtles
I'm gonna
fight the
Russian
somewhere
oh
here we go
Tim
Thomerson
and Ron Liebman
are your two names.
Probably doesn't help to tell you
that Ron Liebman played
the Gellers.
Not the Gellers.
Was he the Gellers?
No, he was
Rachel Green's father
on Friends.
Rob Lieber?
That's that guy?
Ron Liebman.
Ron Liebman?
Yeah.
That's even better.
Can you pull out a three-way tie right now?
Yeah, I believe the movie is,
and it stars my favorite actress,
Dolly Parton.
Interesting timing that you just mentioned her.
Rhinestone Cowboy?
That's correct.
Damn.
Well, technically, is that correct?
Is that correct?
Yeah.
Rhinestone Cowboy?
Or is it just Rhinestone?
It's just Rhinestone?
Yeah.
I was so excited about the three-way tie.
Wow.
The movie's just called Rhinestone?
Yeah, you should...
Yeah, that was my answer.
Rhinestone, cowboy.
Rhinestone, cowboy.
You hear me, Kimo Zabi?
Yeah, that probably had a good one.
I love it, actually.
There's two movies with commas in the title came up today. I love it, actually.
There's two movies with commas in the title came up today.
Love Actually and Rhinestone, cowboy.
This ain't the first time rhinestones have done me wrong.
All right, Matt.
Well, I got so excited by your suggestion of a three-way tie that I just sort of gave it to him prematurely.
So it's your call.
Do you want to be the winner
or do you want to go
one last round?
I think that there's
nothing more fun
in Doug Love's movies,
which I happen to be
a huge fan of
and I listen to regularly,
than when there is
a three-way tie.
And I think the audience
would want to go with that.
I'm sorry to you.
I know, Rochelle,
playing for you,
I think you'll appreciate it.
Somebody in this audience
buy poor Rochelle a drink or whatever
she wants. A massage.
Thank you, cowboy.
We'll have fun with it.
You were backstage with me. I do that
all the time. I talk to like nine staff
members and call them all cowboy.
That's your thing, man. That's your thing. Cowboy.
Your favorite Soros character is
Boba Cowboy.
Damn right.
The rootinest, tootinest, damn bounty hunter in all of the galaxy.
But if I don't win, I will consider it to be a conspiracy.
That's fair.
There's two finalists now, but you let there be three, and there's seven total prizes.
Yep, exactly.
Alright, here we go.
So Charlie sort of
won that point.
And Matt
is the one who challenged him, so we'll
start with Tim and then go to Matt.
Tim, pick a
category between these.
Would you like the Bjorn legacy?
Bjorn, which is movies that have ABBA songs in them.
Oh, fuck, please.
Or would you like triple nipple?
That's films where someone in the movie has three nipples.
Or.
Triple nipple.
I have the internet.
I've seen it.
I'm going with triple nipple.
Okay.
I don't even need to name a third category.
No, no.
Tell me the third category.
Just in case.
I just have to pick from all the ones we've already heard.
Triple nipple it is.
So let's go triple nipple.
Okay.
I think I know the Bjorn one also.
There's multiple movies.
Well, there's no bonus points.
They're only thinking of one.
I think the person that tweeted that is narrow-minded,
and they were thinking of one modern movie.
Well, there could be ABBA songs on the soundtrack.
ABBA the movie, 1979.
In several movies.
Come on.
I'm just saying.
My opinion.
So what do you think it is?
Dancing Queen,
Wolf.
40-year-old virgin.
Nailed it,
didn't he?
No,
he didn't.
And with that wind-up,
I thought you were acting
like you knew
there was an ABBA musical
called Mamma Mia.
Take 40
from 40-year-old virgin,
add it to 237,
what do you get?
Another conspiracy. It's M, take 40 from 40 year old virgin add it to 237 what do you get correlate that number to your phone pad it's
M mamma mia
this got so confusing
the cops left they were like fuck it
fuck it I can't even follow what
they're doing let's go
alright
let's go beat up some non whites
alright alright I'm sorry I'm wrong I'm wrong to say that All right. Let's go beat up some non-whites.
All right, all right.
I'm sorry, I'm wrong.
I'm wrong to say that.
He pointed out an uncomfortable truth.
Sorry, Tim, that was your choice there.
All right, let's do this.
Where'd triple nipple go?
There it is.
Okay, so, Tim, you get the clues and the and the number of names three stars from leonard malton for this movie where someone has three nipples
and the year is 1974 yeah shit might not be the one anybody was thinking of. He calls this movie good and gimmicky and he also says
that it has
worldwide locales.
Three stars,
1974
and there are
11 names listed.
How many names
did you get it in?
11.
I need all 11 names.
Smart opening bid.
Matt. I need all 11 names. Smart opening bid. Matt?
My assumption is that the movie is not Cactus Flower,
so I will...
Nobody?
Oh, okay.
So I'm giving it...
I'm going to tell...
Was that the year Cactus Flower came out?
I have no idea when the...
I wasn't...
That was...
I want to say I wasn't alive because it makes me feel young and virile,
but I was totally alive in 74.
But I want Tim to name the movie.
I also want to hear you name 13 cast members or whatever it was.
It's going to be 11, and Tim is going to be our winner if you do that.
Oh, really?
I don't think I'm going to be your winner.
I just have a sad feeling that I'm going to look really stupid.
This is interesting, so I might be wrong.
Well, the other thing, too, is that no matter what I say, I think I'm going to look really stupid. This is interesting, so I might be wrong. Well, the other thing, too, is that no matter what I say,
I think I'm going to end up trapped.
So I am going to go with Tim named that movie.
Are all the nipples on one person?
You don't understand how Charlie plays.
If you just said ten, no, just three nipples throughout the course of the film,
it's open to all movies ever made with more than one actor in them.
Wait, wait, wait.
I thought it was a person
had three nipples.
I'm joking.
I'm joking.
The only movie
that wouldn't count
is the one-man movie
Give Him Hell, Harry
is the only film.
Even Sleuth
had four nipples in it.
Are you saying I should say
that I could name it in ten?
I'm just saying
that I think Charlie
wouldn't give you ten names
and he would bid lower. I think your
reason for saying name that
movie is wrong, but you have
to make the decision.
I can name...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guess we know what's
happening there. I will take... I will do it
in ten names. This is going to get uncomfortable
Because now he's going to make me look like an idiot
I don't care what Charlie does
It's his free will
Am I supposed to
I have to name the movie?
No, you can
You've played this game today
You've been playing it
Name that movie, Matt
You can bid less names
I know, you can bid less names, though.
I don't know it.
Well, you don't say nine.
Is that my poker mouth?
All right.
Say nine.
Nine.
I mean, nine.
Cowboy.
Nine, cowboy.
I think whoever lets somebody name it with a lot of names is giving the point away, is
my opinion, but maybe you guys don't know it.
This is like Mahjong.
Like, how much?
I can't think of any way that it's like
Mahjong. I don't know how to play Mahjong.
Me neither.
I said nine.
Name it. Name it. Name that movie.
Yeah, I really fucked up. I really
fucked up. I should have made Tim name the movie.
Yeah.
Peer pressure. It's just like being back in junior high. I really fucked up. I really fucked up. I should have made Tim name the movie. Yeah. When do we get to hear the names?
Peer pressure.
It's just like being back in junior high.
Charlie, say name it.
Whatever you want, Charlie.
All right.
I just wanted you to understand.
Like, think of a major motion picture.
If you heard ten names from the cast of a major motion picture,
don't you think that would be easy for you to name it?
No.
At least someone has confidence in you kind of do i kind of do now that you say that i have a time share in key west you should come with me this is a great idea yeah although i
should say i should say pete holmes didn't know devil wears Prada even when I told them Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep are in it.
So it is possible.
74 was a good year.
Nine, cowboy.
Alright, Tim.
So you can go down to eight.
No, I can't go down to eight.
Charlie, name that movie.
Alright, nine names.
My apologies, Rochelle.
I think I just gave away your prize, but...
Now, if I don't know it,
Tim has to guess, right?
No.
That's not how it works at all. You've been playing this...
You've been playing this already.
There's been several rounds already.
Do you have Benjamin Button disease?
Are you growing younger
and dumber while we sit here?
You can yell at them all you want for
growing older while we're getting younger, but
it's not going to change anything, is it?
No. I think we know
who the cops were here for.
Three stars from Leonard
for this movie from
1974 that he says has worldwide
locales and is good
gimmicky fun.
And the
nine names out of eleven
that you get to hear are
Desmond Llewellyn, Lois Maxwell,
Bernard Lee,
Mark Lawrence,
Richard Liu, Clifton James,
Hervé Villachez, Maude Adams, Mark Lawrence, Richard Liu, Clifton James,
Hervé Villachez,
Maude Adams,
and Britt Eklund.
There's only two names remaining.
Any idea, Charlie?
Seems only fitting that Tim should win.
Sorry to undercut you, but... What does that mean?
It means I've known you for well over a decade,
and I think the only thing you know is Herve Villachez
and that whole thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, the pain.
That's a great clue, though.
It is, except...
Is there still a chance I could win?
No.
No, there isn't, right?
Well, there is if you name it.
If you name it.
And it's got someone with three nipples.
You could have told...
You would have won if you had told me to name it.
It's not half-baked.
He's got a very good point.
It's not half-baked.
Yeah.
1974.
Gotta carry the two.
I think I am coming up with...
Is it the Ted and Alice movie?
No.
The threesome?
Is Herbie Vilacek the guy that shows up and goes,
now it's a party.
Vila...
Vila Shays. Vila Shays? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Siena. Vilacek, the guy that shows up and goes, now it's a party.
Vilachez.
Vilachez? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Was he not on Fantasy Island? Yes, he was.
It's not Vilacek. I don't know what that is.
I don't know who you're talking about.
Vilacek, right? No.
It's the way I keep
saying it. Alice Trebek,
who runs fucking Jeopardy.
I'm going to have to rename my band.
Our winner is Tim League, everybody.
And the remaining names
are Christopher Lee
and Roger Moore and the
film that all young boys
love is called The Man with the
Golden Gun.
Are you familiar with that?
You've heard of that? Would you have guessed it, Tim?
With all
11 names? With fucking
Roger Moore? You wouldn't have gone with
Rollerball? Thunderball?
Britt Eklund, yeah. Britt Eklund.
Was that Oddjob
in that? Was he Little Oddjob?
Tiny Jaws? Congratulations, hover Op Job? Tiny Jaws.
Congratulations, hoverboard guy, James Pound.
James,
come get your hoverboard and
all of your prizes.
And gentlemen, pass me your name tag
so I can read the...
Yeah, just come around the stairs there and come
get all that stuff. I took it all out of the bag. You're gonna have to
figure out
a way to get it all out of here.
And thank you
to the guy who brought the Beau Buffett standee.
And thank you to the
staff at the Highball
and the Alamo Drafthouse.
Lamar.
You got quite a great
operation going here, Tim, and I'm really
excited to be a small part
of it. Thanks to the police.
Thank you to Austin Police.
Chief of Police. Good personal friend.
I'm sorry.
How about for
Tim Lee, who's
fucking changed the city. Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray!
You really are.
Cheers. You're right Cheers
You're right
Yay
You're your own
Armadillo world
I meant to say Armadillo
Not Armadillo
Armadillo world headquarters
You're a thing
You are Austin
Thank you
Thank you cowboy
Thank you sweetheart
Who are you going to box next year?
You got to line up a worthy competitor.
Tonya Hardy.
I was thinking about bringing Joe Swanberg back,
the guy that beat the shit out of Devin Farage.
Yeah.
So I might...
Does anybody know where you can get some sort of high-quality steroids?
Because I've never done steroids.
I think if I come back a raging fucking monster
and scare the hell out of this guy,
it might be a worthwhile endeavor.
Never done them.
I think if you just come back as yourself,
it'll be great.
I'm excited about it.
I was hoping you would fight him that very night
when that guy wouldn't fight you.
But anything to plug you guys?
Matt Bearden, you can hear him on KLBJ.
Bob, Dudley and Bob.
Yeah, every morning at 6 to 10.
And then also my baby is a fantastic stand-up show.
If any of you are fans of stand-up comedy,
every Tuesday it's called Punch at Cap City Comedy Club.
And it's not me.
The acts I book are just fucking incredible.
And I enjoy watching that show every week.
So I'd love to have you come out.
That's the end of that sentence.
Love it. Charlie Hodge podcast. Yeahlie odd show.com i do a daily podcast and every monday i do a comedy night at the rattle in boom bm austin comedy gotta love it i'll be back
for a fun fun fun fest and and strangely enough you didn't have anything to do with setting it up.
I'm going to be doing stand-up at the Alamo Ritz one night during Fun Fun Fun Fest.
Yeah, I'm psyched about it.
I've never done stand-up comedy in front of a movie screen, or maybe I have.
I'll also be doing a Douglas Movies at Cobbs in San Francisco on Halloween.
I want everyone to wear costumes that are name tags to that show, please.
And December 15th, I'll be at the Improv in Miami.
And December 17th, I'll be in Fort Lauderdale
at the Improv there.
And thanks again to Tim League.
Everybody, let's hear it for him.
Look for Miami Connection.
It's going to be playing in places all over the place.
I don't know about all over the place.
You're going to put it out there.
You're going to play it at draft houses.
We bought the rights.
This is a movie we found on eBay for 50 bucks, and we bought the international rights.
So, yeah, look for it everywhere.
Everywhere.
And, as always, whoever picks this
toilet seat name tag
is a shithead.
That's what it says.
Whoever picks this
is a shithead.
So Charlie Hodge
is a shithead.
And sticking with the theme
that you mentioned earlier,
Brendan Walsh
is a shithead.
Yes!
Now it's time for Doug to watch another
talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing
prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart
for you, cause Doug
loves movies.