Doug Loves Movies - Chris Cubas, Alex Diamond, Lisa deLarios and Matt Bearden guest
Episode Date: December 13, 2016Live from the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Doug welcomes Chris Cubas, Alex Diamond, Lisa deLarios and Matt Bearden to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Califor...nia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Enjoy the show!
Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and easy,
He sees with 50 as a your popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see, but the love movie Always good to be back at the home of Tito's.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Coming to you once again
from Capital City Comedy Club.
That's what they just called it
in the announcements.
Capital City Com...
I like to call it Cap City.
In Austin, Texas!
Don't tell this to other cities,
but you're my favorite.
Shh!
It's Monday, December 12, 2016.
And I know when it comes to name tags,
you guys got the goods.
And I wasn't wrong.
Holy crap.
Don't you guys have jobs and holiday shopping to do?
10 Coltenfeld Lane, that's your name, Coltenfeld?
I like it.
Delaney Pool?
Okay.
Okay.
Good one, Delaney.
Lots of Ryan Reynolds and Deadpool
got nominated for Golden Globes today.
That's very exciting.
Silent Night, Deadly Kathy.
Everyone has just fucking said,
fuck the pun concept.
I'm just going to throw my name over a word.
Okay, the Empire Mike's back.
Now we're talking, Mike.
Kill Jill, we're on a roll.
What does that say?
Dan's Labyrinth.
Dan's Labyrinth, very good.
Puns only, don't bring me anything else.
Well, there's lots of good ones.
There's light-up ones, which I always say it's funny
because I can see the lights but not the sign.
So it doesn't really light it up.
Doug Pluggs, Fort Lauderdale, this Saturday at 420,
the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, the Seminole Indian Resort.
Don't make me regret bringing the show back to Fort Laud's.
Tickets aren't selling very well.
I'm going to be honest with you guys.
It's no Austin down there.
Los Angeles, December 22nd,
and we might also add one on the 21st through the 20th.
Holiday Taint Shows in San Diego, Irvine, Sacramento,
and Tempe, Arizona.
Douglovesmovies.com for all of my tour info. I'm sorry. I don't know. laughter laughter I'm good. That's douglasmovies.com But seriously though
I heard the theme music
And walked into the showroom
From the bar area
And walked all the way on stage
And I just noticed
That there used to be a big jungle gym on the
stage that in my youth
I enjoyed climbing.
And now they've
built a wooden fortress
that's just
around the jungle gym. It's still
back there, you guys.
You can see it through the cracks.
Now there's this
wooden wall that looks like it's just this wooden wall
that looks like it's been shot at.
And it has, I assume,
Christmas lights all around it.
Like, normally it probably doesn't have
those lights around it,
so it just sort of looks like
we're performing in front of Fort Bragg.
Is that an old-timey fort?
Sorry, everybody, for the delay
on the 12 Guests of Christmas East Coast 2016 edition.
It is officially now available
in the Comedy Albums section of iTunes
for two bucks.
And thank you to Harry Knowles, Tim Lee, Kristen Bell, and everyone
who sat through
24 hours of movies over
at the Button-O-Mathon this past
weekend. Button-O-Mathon
number 18.
Hashtag
BNAT18 if you want to
go there
and see my little comments about
each of the ten movies and previews.
We got to see the first 40 minutes of Logan before anyone else.
And then also can't talk about it.
I mean, I can compliment it.
I just can't say things that happen in it.
I can compliment it,
I just can't say things that happen in it.
And all I can tell you is that things that happen in it pleased me very much.
It's going to make you go...
First of all, there was Deadpool,
which to me is still probably the number one movie of this year.
And then, now Logan,
it's going to make PG-13 rated superhero movies look like complete bullshit.
Because they have to hide all the violence so children can watch it, even though it's still about violence.
Don't get me started.
But man,
I'll tell you this much. We watched 40 minutes of...
When they first said we're going to watch
40 minutes of Logan,
me and the dude sitting next to me were kind of like grumbling
like, well that sucks because
then when you go see Logan
you've already seen 40 minutes of it
and it's just weird to have already
seen 40 minutes of a movie.
And I was like, but if it's really good, I won't have this problem.
And then by the time it was over, I was like, holy shit, I'm so happy.
I can't wait to see that 40 minutes again, and then everything that follows.
But the super nerdy crowd at Butten-Ummathon, the director, James Mangold, was there,
and when he came back
into the room as soon as the 40 minutes was done everyone stood up again he had
a standing ovation from everybody and it was it was super cool and it comes out
on March 3rd and I can't wait for people to see it so I could start talking about
what I love about it prize bag I took all the items out already.
We've got a bottle of wine that my hotel gave me
because I don't know where they got the idea
I would drink a bottle of wine in my hotel room.
You know, maybe someday there'll just be
a nice little bowl of weed waiting for me.
And then, of course, one of these wonderful rubber rubber pipes that I
give away everywhere I go this one has it been used nope not even menus it's a
clean one a Douglas release t-shirt and one of the films that we saw at button
on the thon there's a film coming out I think it's in January, maybe I'm wrong.
It's called A Cure for Wellness.
And a plot point in the story of the movie that, of course, their marketing team is fine with giving away,
is that it takes place at a health resort in the Alps.
And people are given these drops, a bottle
of mysterious drops,
like, what is everybody taking?
And the bottle says, feeling better on it.
And I didn't drink any
of it. They gave us this, like,
you know, late into
Buttonumathon yesterday,
Saturday, and I didn't
drink any of it, because it's supposedly, like,
five-hour energy-type stuff, which I didn't drink any of it because it's supposedly five-hour energy type
stuff, which I just never
drink. If I feel like I need to boost
energy, I smoke
some weed and go to bed.
But so that's
in the bag, plus all the stuff
that my four guests
bring up here right now.
Please give a big warm welcome
to four of my favorites
peoples
here in Austin.
Please welcome Matt Beard and
Lisa Delarios, Alex Diamond
and Chris Cubis! We got tables up here now.
It's fancy.
All right, look at this.
I'm usually just juggling too many drinks at the same time,
but now I can just...
Oh, this is nice. It's fancy just juggling too many drinks at the same time, but now I can just... Oh, this is nice.
It's not just the backdrop.
The stage has been...
Is that felt?
I also am famous and have been here before.
Yeah, I think it's really...
They've added some really nice carpeting.
How recently did this happen?
I think a couple of weeks ago.
Oh, okay.
But why,
what do you think
the thought process
was behind like this
really oppressive
looking wall?
They put Carrot Top
back there
cask of a matalado style.
He's just bricked up
behind the wall.
He's just back there.
I taped two more
things together.
If only people could see.
This is gentrification right here.
That's like a poor person's house
that got salvaged wood
from a poor person's house
in East Austin.
They built the wall
and they made the poor people pay for it.
As they should.
Let's meet my guests
individually.
Starting
with first timer, the famous
Alex Diamond is here, everybody.
Thank you.
Hello.
The breakout star of the Jason and Deb show on the mornings.
I appreciate that.
Here on, let me get the call letters right,
101X.
That's good.
Yeah.
Yep, K-R-O-X, 101.5.
Alternative.
He's still called Alternative.
Alternative Austin.
Yeah, still an alternative to something.
Alternative to everything else All the bad stuff
And on that program
That morning show
Is administrator the right word for it?
You can call me that
I don't like that better than producer
Producer or MC of the
What do you call it on the show?
Talkin' Talkies?
We call it Let's Talk Talkies.
Let's Talk Talkies.
You call it...
And I came in and went,
let's fucking steal this shit.
Yeah.
And it's basically become, on my show,
Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
Right.
And...
I do...
I want to clear the air very briefly,
if I may interrupt.
Please.
Despite it being called Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
It's your game?
I invented that game.
Take it back.
I just feel like they deserve some credit,
because they're never going to be on this show again.
And you just might be, you know?
So...
Fingers crossed.
You're rising like a phoenix
out of the ashes.
Of other people.
Of the...
Jason and Deb.
I mean, I'd consider
giving Jason another shot
at some point.
Yeah, he's...
He's here tonight,
but I made sure that
they put the tickets under my name.
Despite the fact that...
What, you think the whole club is against him or something?
No, no, no.
Just because I want him to know that I was the one who was invited on the podcast.
That's cool.
I'll be fired tomorrow.
He's the first to admit that he's not great at movie trivia.
That was his issue.
Deb's issue is that the audience kept shushing her.
Which is pretty rare on this podcast.
That never happened.
Jeff Garlin doesn't get shushed.
That's impressive.
I've never paid money for a podcast, but I'm
considering going back and buying that whole season
just so I can listen to those two episodes.
Unless
they've been lost to history.
No, they're out there.
They're just out there because that's part of what I love about
see how this show still sells out
even after that happened.
Because Austin's like,
we know Doug's going to do the right thing.
Doug knows who should be banished.
And they should all be behind that wall behind us.
But thanks for having me for serious.
No, and thank you for being here.
And I love Jason and Deb and love the game.
But maybe henceforth
it should be known as Jason and Deb
and Alex's IMDB game.
I'll take that.
You know what? I'll call it that officially
if you win it tonight.
Because it really is on you to win tonight.
Shit.
That's right. Let's say
hello to everybody else. Lisa Delarios
is here, everybody.
You guys all know who I am.
Yeah.
So famous.
Austin comedy phenom.
I'd say phenom.
Yeah.
Went to New York, said, wait, this isn't Austin.
Then went back.
Here you are.
At one point I went to LA, And then I went back to New York.
And then I moved to Austin.
And then I moved to New York.
And then I moved back.
Yeah, back and forth.
But you always find your way back to Austin.
I seem to.
Right?
Am I right?
Come on.
Where am I?
It's true.
And you first did this show over at Fantastic Fest last September.
I can't believe you asked me back.
Because you felt like you didn't have a grasp of what was happening?
I won.
I thought you were a fun guest.
If I remember correctly, I won.
You won.
Although I realize that winning is not a measurement of whether or not you're good at the game.
is not a measurement of whether or not you're good at the game.
Well, generally,
you have to be the best in that moment.
I was good in...
I have moments.
Don't we all?
I feel like maybe we should...
Next time, we should try having the chairs in a circle.
With some of us with our backs to the audience?
The audience should be in the middle.
And we're just all on the outsides?
Yeah.
Okay.
Right?
That's interesting.
Or maybe on the ceiling.
No.
Okay.
Did you have something
to do with putting
this wall in
because you've got
great ideas
this is nice
is the jungle gym
still back there
it's back behind there
it's still
they put it over
the jungle gym
god I would just do
flips through my whole set
just
on the jungle
I love that thing
push ups chin ups no alright thanks for being here through my whole set just on the jungle. I love that thing. Push-ups.
Chin-ups.
No.
All right.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you.
To my direct left, everybody,
it's Matt Bearden.
I love movies.
Hi, Austin.
Hi.
I love movies, Austin.
You've been on the show
a bunch of times here in Austin.
It's always fun.
And you always try to cheat.
You always, like, study up that day.
You look and see which celebrities had a birthday that day,
even though I haven't really tied in birthdays to any of the games for years.
No, you haven't.
I'm still fucking studying.
Just on the off chance.
So tonight, Doug's going to bring up these birthdays.
Bob Barker's birthday today.
Oh, he's in one movie.
How are you, boy?
Did I get it?
Yeah, you got it.
That's correct, and that's Chris Cubis,
everybody.
What's up?
How are you doing?
Good. Good to be here.
You all right?
Yeah. I went and bought
stuff for the prize bag, and then I
pre-gamed for the show, so I forgot
the stuff I bought for the prize bag.
So luckily, my girlfriend just
happens to have a giant box
of VHS tapes in her trunk.
Because she's from the past.
So I've got
a VHS...
You're giving us junk
from your girlfriend's trunk?
You should be so lucky.
You're going to get
Jacob's Ladder, classic.
Oh, extra trippy on VHS.
The Grifters.
Oh, that's a good one.
Fast Times.
Oh, classic.
And Clay Pigeons.
Okay.
I tried to bring true romance and she was like, no.
Yeah, you got to draw the line.
We don't have a VCR.
It's fine.
You can just give them this whole box.
She just brings it to every time she's invited to someone's house,
she brings a copy just in case they have a VCR.
Because that would be fun to watch true romance again.
Or clayons ever.
What?
Who's ever seen Clay Pigeons?
Oh, I definitely saw it back in the day.
Vince Vaughn and Janine Garofalo
when they were both in a lot of dramas
for some reason, even though they're both
hilarious.
Both?
What? Vince Vaughn're both hilarious? Both? What?
He said both.
Vince Vaughn isn't hilarious?
He has been.
You've never seen Be Cool?
Yeah, it's a pretty offensive stereotype in that one,
but I like him a lot.
Sure.
In a lot of things.
Yeah, I've heard that he feels like he's leaning politically away from where I stand.
So I don't know if I like that about him.
That's a problem.
This year is fucking up movies for me.
I just started watching, it's not even a movie, but I started watching that show Parenthood.
And I was like, oh man, this show's real good because I'm old now.
And then it turns out Craig T. Nelson is just a wild right-wing Trump fanatic.
And I'm like, God damn it.
I can't watch Coach no more at all.
I can't watch this old fuck die on Parenthood.
Spoilers, man.
What was the spinoff of Coach?
There was a spinoff.
I don't think Gawker got its own show.
No, Coach was a spinoff of the don't think Dogger got its own show. No, Coach was a spinoff
of the Hogan family.
No, wait.
I'm not old.
Hogan knows best.
I like that you're just
making shows
that you want to see.
Yeah.
Do you have anything
for the prize bag, Lisa?
Oh, do I ever.
Do you want me to do that now?
Now is a great time for it.
So I like to bring a lot of good
gifts because I feel like I might suck at the
game, but...
Okay, hang on. There's going to be a puppy
in there. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.
If somebody gave away a puppy...
This is a one-of-a-kind...
This is...
You guys remember nail art from like... This is, um... You guys remember nail art from, like...
Nope.
This is a...
Obviously pro golfer, mid-swing.
Beautiful form.
Nail art with copper wire on velvet.
If you...
This is...
I mean, you guys...
I want this to be competitive.
You need to have motivation.
If you could see how much cat hair is on that piece of art.
Some might say an unsurprising amount of cat hair.
And dog hair, actually.
It's a combo.
I actually had duct tape on it earlier.
I was trying to clean it up. Okay, I have a super, like, vintage Exxon baseball cap.
For those of you that hate the environment.
Or want to be secretaries.
Yeah, or want to be.
That's going to be the official hat of the United States, I think, very soon.
Now this is, you States, I think, very soon.
Now this is, you guys, I am so... Speaking of patriotism...
Wow.
Oh, wow.
It's got a back on it, too.
This was actually, I was the model for this, so that's why I don't
need it, because this is what my body looks like anyway.
It's a t-shirt.
It's a one size fits all, so it's for
a man or a woman.
A lady's body. I think you misread
this. One size fits Al.
This guy named Al.
It's patriotic.
It's seasonal.
Can we have the bag all that stuff came into?
Or do you take that home with you?
Is that your recycled bag?
No, I like this bag.
Okay.
It's a good bag.
Just thought I'd take a shot, try to get a bag.
Because this wine bottle is going to go right through this plastic bag I brought.
Yeah, that nail art's heavy.
Oh, yeah. I'm not putting the nail
art in the bag with the wine bottle.
Well, whoever wins
is going to have to
figure it out.
They might have to leave some stuff by the side of the road.
Your hotel
gave you a bottle of wine?
Yeah, like, you know,
they call it an amenity.
That's nuts.
Why is Chris's mic not working all of a sudden?
Oh, there it is.
I'm used to a free cookie level hotel as opposed to a free wine level hotel.
That joke might have worked if there wasn't 20 seconds of pause.
Timing is an important comedy call.
Timing is an important comedy call.
There are people with the world's shittiest seats unless you're a fan of the back of Chris's head.
There we go.
Right in the circle.
We all sit in the circle.
There are less interesting heads, you know?
Like, if you gotta sit behind somebody's head,
Chris Cummings, that's a pretty good head.
It's one of the best heads to sit behind.
It's like looking at the clouds.
That are also raining dreadlocks.
Now that the environment's ruined, that's why...
I brought a medium
sturdy bag. Maybe we could throw
the old stuff in the old hat.
We could compile everything together.
I feel very bad because
I... Sure, thanks Matt. I feel very bad because I... Sure, thanks, Matt.
I feel very bad because I
also was going to bring VHS tapes
because my grandparents
can't be trusted to live alone anymore.
So we...
We just
moved them to a home
and they got rid of a bunch of their VHS tapes.
So I have a box of about 20 to 40
Moppy and Papa VHSs
that I will be happy to hand deliver
to whoever.
Wait, what are their names?
Moppy?
Moppy and Papa, yeah.
Okay.
I don't know how he got a normal one
and she was compared to a mop.
They're characters in a European kids show.
But I did bring a
Doctor Strange poster,
which is fun.
I brought a couple comic books
because I'm a big comic book nerd.
And if you're vaguely a fan
of the Jason and Deb show,
we recently did,
I ran a Dungeons and Dragons podcast called You Can't Do That.
Dungeons and Dragons with Jason and Deb.
And these are the dice that Jason used in the podcast.
The luckiest dice I've ever seen.
Go listen to the podcast if you haven't.
It's very fun.
And Jason plays a guy who wants to have sex with a bucket of manure.
So it's a real fun concept.
That would be nice.
That would be nice.
When you said Jason plays a guy that wants to have...
I thought you were saying Jason is starring
in some indie film about a guy who wants to have sex.
I'm open to options, yeah.
This fall in Moppy and Poppy.
It's Moppy and Papa.
Sorry, I didn't mean
to ruin the dignity
of Moppy and Papa.
They're so offended
in whatever home
you shoved them into.
But they'll forget.
At least we can watch our movie.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, tonight was cocoon tonight.
Every night is.
Matt, what do you got for us?
I brought these punch no-punch.
Every time you bring those fucking things.
Somebody over-ordered.
No, somebody under-purchased And then I found a new place
That is a used store in town
That sells used things
I'm not going to tell you where it is
Because it's too fucking good
But it is very deep on the east side
And I brought a copy previously viewed of
The Babadook.
So good.
The best thing is that when I lined all these up,
the guy who was checking me out goes,
hmm, hmm, eh,
and then rang them up.
And I like that he judged them as he rang them up.
What's wrong with Babadook?
Everybody loves him.
I don't know.
What's wrong with Babadook? Everybody loves him. I don't know. What's wrong with
Eatin' Mud?
Well, that's not as good
as Babadook.
I would definitely...
Look at the fucking cover
right there.
It's dudes on four-wheelers
and jump,
and there's fire.
When is the mud on fire?
Other than now that our
environment is...
Eatin' Mud is a prequel
to Moppy and Papa.
After you eat mud, you gotta moppy up some shit.
It's also a prequel to Junk in My Girl's Truck.
And then this one I'm very excited about.
It's Cruising Bar 2.
The sequel to The Great Cruising Bar.
You guys love that one, right?
I read a review on it, and it looks like apparently it's fucking terrible.
So I'm very excited
at whoever gets that.
That was previously viewed.
Please don't be upset
if it's scratched.
But a $2 previously viewed
Babadook,
that's a pretty good deal.
I don't think they understand
what they have over there.
Here, put these in the bag.
Yeah, I think they had
the same price
for eating mud
as they did the Babadook.
I don't think they know how to price their used.
Yeah, but Cruisin' Bar 2
was only a dollar.
So they knew
that one's a dud.
I think that one's also a foreign film, so I don't know how
French is going to fly in my neighborhood.
Are those movies that somebody just
videoed their TV screen
playing the movie?
I love those.
After they're in the red box long enough,
they just open it up and then they shove them inside this door
that's right behind the red box.
Look for it on the east side.
It's behind the red box.
You know, the one.
You mean 7-Eleven?
That's the store behind red box.
Ruining this for him!
Got it.
I do need to keep the place secret.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Oh.
I need to ask everybody one question
before we move on to the games portion of the evening.
And that is, what is the last movie you saw?
We'll start with Matt.
I saw Sing Street on Netflix.
And it's generally not my type of movie.
And I fucking loved it.
It's so enjoyable.
I also, that's the exact age that I am.
And I moved from a strange town.
And I love arty girls
and I remember I would buy an album
and then look inside the gatefold
and be like, oh, tomorrow I am gonna wear
my bangs like that and wear a
bolero hat. And I
lived in a town in a place called
Tomball, Texas. It was all
just cowboys
and I showed up with eyeliner and man
did I fuck up a lot of guys' fists with my face.
Oh my God, was I good at that.
You ruined so many knuckles.
Oh man, I got blood in their clothes.
Ha ha, fuck them.
You knuckle fucker.
So I thoroughly enjoyed that movie,
and I thought I was going to just hate it,
and I was glad that it surprised me and made me love it.
It's delightful.
Have you seen the other movies from that same guy?
I haven't.
Begin Again and Once?
Oh, Once is good.
Yeah, Once is great.
I saw part of Once.
It didn't really work for me.
Sorry.
It's kind of slow,
but I just feel like Sing Street and Once and Begin Again
are three movies that, you know, they're about music, but they're also just about creativity.
And usually filming someone trying to create something is so boring.
But like Sing Street, it's so natural, those kids coming up with those songs and it just all feels so real.
I wanted to know how to write a song instead of just being a guy who's watching a movie on Netflix at one in the afternoon.
I'm going to make macaroni and cheese for my
kids later. Don't worry, I'm creative.
But since the Golden Globes have
a musical or comedy category,
it snuck in there for a Best Picture
nomination, musical or comedy,
so I was very happy to see that today.
Good choice, Matt. Thank you.
There are no bad choices, though.
Except for eating mud. Well, yeah, of you. There are no bad choices, though. Except for eating mud.
Well, yeah, of course, there's eating mud.
But I know what the last movie Alex Diamond saw.
You think I didn't see something since we left each other at 2 o'clock this afternoon?
Okay, did you see something since then?
No, no, I didn't do it.
All right, so what's the last movie you saw?
Doug and I had a date to go see a sneak of Rogue One,
a Star Wars story.
Yes, we saw it.
Won't hold it over you like we're special.
It happened.
And it was fun.
It was awesome.
I felt like it was a little slow to start in some ways,
other than there being a bunch of murder right at the beginning.
But there was a little lull and then
once it gets going, man, that movie
kicked a lot of ass. It's a
war movie. It's not as much like a
Star Wars, let's save the princess
thing. It's troops on the ground
shooting people in the head. Yeah, it's very somber
and there's some wacky space
creatures here and there, but
the cutesy factor is probably the lowest
of any Star Wars movie yet.
Absolutely.
There's no BB-8. There's a droid,
but he's just very dry and unpleasant.
Foreign-ass droid.
It's like C-3PO
if he wasn't a bitch.
It's like C-3PO if he wasn't a bitch.
But they tie it in to the other Star Wars.
For me, it was disappointing there wasn't a crawl of explanation.
No crawl, yeah.
Because I love to read that and not understand what the fuck they're talking about every time.
War!
So it was weird that that was gone, because it's very much a Star Wars movie.
It is completely connected to that whole universe. Yeah, they take great pains
in being like, hey, hey, remember
that character? He's right there.
Gold leader.
We brought him back. Oh my god, like you
knew who the nerdiest people were in the crowds
when they clapped from
some extra from Star Wars showing up.
Because they would CGI the original actors' faces
onto whoever the fuck was in the cockpit.
We're getting into some creepy areas here.
I don't want to give away too much of the plot.
I'm sorry, I revealed gold leaders in the movie.
But there's people that show up that are dead
or not as young as they used to be.
And I don't know.
Like, I enjoy that scene in Captain America Civil War
where Robert Downey Jr.'s CGI had to be all young again.
But also, it's deeply upsetting at the same time
how, like, it's just not real.
It's like the little girl in the last Twilight movie,
how, like, fucking. How fucking not real
that baby looked.
There's just something about CGI
people is still
upsetting to me.
Hopefully we'll all get past that.
I think it'll satisfy
Star Wars fans, but it won't be...
I don't think it'll make as much money as Force Awakens.
Because it's not...
It's not fun in the same way.
Would you agree, Alex?
It's not fun in the same way.
No BB-8, and a lot more people
get shot in the head.
You said it just right when you said it's a war movie.
Well, that's also interesting to me.
Does the Motion Picture Association of America,
do those ladies, those housewives
that sit there and decide the ratings of movies,
do they think stormtroopers are robots?
Do they think they're not human beings inside?
Because they get fucked up in this movie left and right.
And it's just like, well, he's got a costume on, so I guess it's okay.
I can't see the blood because he's bleeding inside his stormtrooper uniform.
The blood thing is real
and then also it's...
A guy gets murdered
by getting a fist on the...
A stormtrooper gets...
Oh, it's not a stormtrooper.
I take it back.
Forget it.
But there's just people
deciding to murder other people
when they could let them live
and it's PG-13
like morals have nothing to do with it
it's just how much blood you see
and it's so stupid
and it's imitatable violence
so it's easier for kids to shoot each other with guns
but harder to shoot each other
with lasers
so if you have lasers in a movie
you're like oh well that well, that's fine.
That's not going to teach kids anything.
That's true. That is a good point.
But there is a lot of people with straight-up machine guns
in this new Star Wars.
Laser machine guns.
Okay.
If you say so.
Lisa, what was the last movie you saw?
I'm sure it's super exciting to everyone
to hear all about it.
Nope.
And also I want to say that I don't think we should get over how creepy CGI faces are.
I think that that's not something we should get past.
Right?
Thank you.
Let's not make it normal.
Let's not normalize.
No, let's not normalize it.
Creepy CGI.
Okay.
Yeah.
I can't watch the cartoons these days.
They're so creepy.
Were you a fan of Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars Episode IV?
Yeah.
Just say sure.
The late Peter Cushing?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Well, that dead man has a pretty good-sized part in this new movie.
Ew. Yeah, that's what has a pretty good-sized part in this new movie. Ew.
Yeah, that's what I said.
That's messed up.
It's weird.
Yeah.
How do they do that?
You should have dead actors selling vacuum cleaners and shit like they used to do on television.
Yeah.
Not be in movies.
No, they should do, like, soap operas and just have someone that looks completely different all of a sudden being that same character. Do you think Marilyn Monroe, like, in her life
would ever have okayed,
yeah, tell people I'm actually Willem Dafoe?
Maybe.
Yeah, that's no big deal.
That doesn't hurt my brand at all.
Yeah, it's scary what they could do
with dead people these days.
So they just computer-graphicized him?
Is that what they did?
We don't need to get too technical for the listeners, all right?
You sound like Alex's mom.
Sorry, I don't want to...
Did they graphicize her?
I think I would get along with Moppy
just fine
I just have to look into it a little more
because I haven't really researched it
but it feels like they did a combination of
maybe there's an actor that sort of looks like him
I don't know how they did it
let's look into it
right now
let's pause the podcast
let's bing that
somebody bing that I'm just excited Let's just pause the podcast. Let's Bing that. Yeah.
Somebody Bing that.
I'm just excited that the universe is going to keep expanding and different movies are going to come out
with different vibes to them and stuff.
And I love the idea of Donald Glover
playing young Lando Calrissian.
Fuck yes.
And we won't have to watch him die
because he can't die
because he has to die
when he's Billy Dee Williams.
What'd you say, Lisa?
What's the last movie you saw?
You know what?
I saw two movies recently.
I saw The Arrival.
You guys see that?
You guys see that?
It's just called Arrival.
You're already into negative points.
Damn it.
I told you. I'm bad at this game.
I was thinking it was called
the Arrived.
You're gonna love
the Rogue One.
The title character.
She's the Rogue One.
What else? Besides else besides arrival we're tired of our arrival okay we don't want to talk about that i also saw a great i i and i was okay on the uh on arrival is it just arrival yeah oh i okay i was
okay on that one i thought you got through it i guess I mean there were some holes you know there were some there were some I had the call to China well it was the
call to China I had a problem with they just called China do you remember did
you see it yeah remember the call to China it wasn't the call to China. Just call to China.
Remember now?
Yes.
I'm sorry.
The yes.
It was the one and only call to China in the movie. That they made in that movie.
And they called up China and what happened?
This is silly.
What happened when they called China?
The president of China answered his phone.
And that saved humanity.
Because the president of China...
Wait, are you spoiling the movie now?
No, I'm not.
But I will tell you,
the aliens are not cute.
I've seen cuter aliens.
Yeah, I've seen cuter aliens. Yeah, I've seen cuter aliens
when I'm taking a Rorschach test.
Thank you.
That's what they look like, if you haven't seen it.
Alright, thank you.
Lisa.
I haven't seen The Arrival, but now I'm going to leave
as soon as someone makes a phone call.
Ruined.
I saw...
I finally saw Doctor Strange.
That was pretty fun.
I just recently watched
a 1978 TV movie,
Doctor Strange.
It's real bad.
Shockingly enough, it's real bad.
But the Wong character
is in it as well, except he's just
like a man.
Wong? Is that the guy who takes the call in China?
The president of China's
name is Wong
because the world
is as racist
as you think it is.
Oh no,
that guy answered
the phone and said,
they said,
is this the president?
Sorry, no.
Wong number.
Oh.
Oh.
I want no part
of that joke. So, when Twitter comes for you, I want no part of that joke.
So,
when Twitter comes for you,
I want no part of that joke.
So,
there's Wong in the new one
as the guy who's in charge
of the old books
and he's got a very important role.
But in the other,
in the original movie,
he's just a manservant
who makes Doctor Strange breakfast
and it's really uncomfortably racist.
And when we watched the movie,
I was like, oh, they named this guy Wong because it's the 70s and that's really uncomfortably racist. And when we watched the movie, I was like,
oh, they named this guy Wong because it's the 70s,
and that's just like a racist-ass name for Chinese people that they would use.
So there's no way in 2016
there's just going to be a Wong.
Wong again!
That motherfucker was all over the movie.
Then I also saw
Heller High Water, which was awesome.
Yeah, that's a great movie movie I like that Jeff Bridges
Is somehow just like
He's like well I'm fat
And old
And kind of a hillbilly
Only roles I'm taking now
Yeah
Fat old hillbilly
Just put on a cowboy hat
Or strap on a guitar
Or both
But he's great
That movie's awesome
He's very good
Nominated today
By the Golden Globes
Along with the movie itself.
And I'm excited for that, because it was one of my favorites this past year.
And great job seeing movies, you guys.
You're out there doing it.
It's a real team effort.
Fighting a good fight.
You get to see a lot of movies early.
Have you seen Contract to Kill yet?
What's that?
The new Steven Seagal movie.
Oh, no.
They're not doing a lot of screeners.
I don't want to take up
time, but I read
some reviews, and I think it's going to be...
People are just saying it's the worst
movie ever made.
And that it's
so Steven Seagal-y that even...
I don't know. It just sounds amazing. I thought you
would have seen it already. When's it supposed to come out?
I guess it's already in limited release,
and I think it may remain there.
But apparently there's a scene where he's driving in a car,
and it was filmed on a green screen,
but nobody even put in the effort to pretend that they're driving.
Like, he just takes his hand off the wheel to have discussions.
And he's an ex-DEA agent who was also an ex-cia agent which
sounds like something a 12 year old makes up when he's playing a game with somebody else he's like
no no i was in cia and and the dea all of it and it was shot in romania but it's supposed to be in
texas i think anyway everything everything about it made my my pants fit tight so i uh
Everything about it made my pants fit tight.
So I just thought, boy, you're always very hippo. Yeah, no, I'm very excited about it.
It's not here in Austin yet.
It's from this year.
Oh, it's available on Amazon Video, I think.
Oh, it's straight to Amazon.
Straight to Amazon.
Let's get this done.
I've got to get home.
The second billed actor in the movie
is Russell Wong.
And yeah, and it
was written and directed by Keone
Waxman. So it sounds
like somebody who might be Asian
and Jewish
directed it.
They know where they're going for Christmas.
It's rated R for violence, language, and brief sexuality,
which you never want to hear in a
Steven Seagal situation.
That is the only kind of sexuality
Steven Seagal is capable of anymore.
I don't need to see
brief sexuality.
He comes really fast.
Oh.
That's what that means.
I never knew brief sexuality
meant that.
Alright.
So, yeah, I don't recognize
any of the other actors that are in the film.
They all might be great.
Did you expect to?
Was it just going to be him and like
fucking Terrence Howard or somebody in the movie?
You never know.
Sometimes you know.
He did
co-star with Tommy Lee
Jones back in the day.
It did happen.
Oh shit, I'm getting a
my phone wants me to do a software update.
That's unusual. Oh, definitely do it.
Don't plug in, just hit yes.
Do it now.
Do it. When I say remind and just hit yes. Do it now. Do it.
When I say remind me later, they think later means...
Oh shit, I invited somebody to come down.
Hey Cap City, if somebody shows up saying I invited them to come by, let them in.
And her boyfriend.
I'm just saying.
She just texted me if she could have a plus one.
I never even told her about her at all.
There's an actress who's in a movie
I admired very much and tweeted about.
And we got in touch with each other
through Twitter. She's in Austin
shooting a new Robert Rodriguez movie
that was written by James Cameron, I guess.
So I tried to get her
on the panel,
but she didn't think she'd get off work in time.
So here I am!
You're welcome.
I won't say which one of you is spilling in for her,
but it's the one who got the call yesterday.
Yep.
I better not say who it was.
All right, well, here's the part of the show
where Burt Kreischer turns it off,
because I'm going to say,
let the games begin!
Lady and gentlemen, pick your name tags.
There's lots to choose from.
Lots of people put a lot of hard work into them.
And while you go out there and decide
who you're going to play for,
we're going to go to a brief commercial message. We'll be right
back.
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Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Great job, everybody.
There'll still be a Christmas for you
if you didn't get picked.
What?
Trying to look at the bright side.
Chris, who are you playing for?
I am playing for Avengers.
Evan, Enders, Avengers.
Age of Ulcron.
Because there's a lot of weed
stuff on it. And I'm the Incredible Hulk.
Which I will take.
Begrudgingly.
She just tried to give me your shot,
Chris. I was like, who's that for? That's for me.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
Let's hear it for the waitstaff here at the...
Here at the CCC.
Four, four, four.
All right.
Who are you playing for, Lisa?
Silent Night, Deadly Kathy.
And I like it because it's seasonal.
Right.
And it's low tech, yet high tech.
It's good craft skills.
She's got little cotton balls for the Santa hat and for the...
Glitter on the axe.
I love a glittery axe.
And then
it doesn't... The pun doesn't really
work. No, it doesn't at all.
I like that.
You were drawn to how that didn't work at all.
I like that.
She's got a crappy
name.
Listen, girl, it's tough.
I did Police Academy last time, right?
Remember?
Yeah.
I made a name tag last time.
Yeah, you did.
So you didn't understand how the show works.
You made...
You brought a name tag?
I did.
Oh, that's good.
Thank you.
Police Academy.
I like that you had to say it twice for me to get it,
but I got it, and it's real good.
That was last time, but...
Who are you playing for, Alex?
I got Guardians of the Gil-ix-y.
I like that he put a lot of effort.
It looks like a real movie poster.
It's gigantic.
And it has uh
some people photoshopped into it that aren't on this stage which is interesting we like to guess
who the guests are going to be uh which includes uh tommy the white power ranger and i'm on a bit
of a power rangers kick right now so uh i don't like the white power anything coming up in that
white power anything coming up in that
conversation.
I was like...
Wow.
Is this...
I like the raccoon.
Yeah.
Oh, Lisa,
unacceptable.
Trump is tearing
his goddamn country apart.
Can I give it back?
I feel bad now.
I don't understand.
Matt, what do you got, Matt?
The terrifying motion picture
from the number one bestseller,
Joe's.
Joe's. Joe's.
And
they have superimposed
a little cartoon Doug face
on top of the naked woman
who is
this has the heft
of maybe something.
Heft.
Well, yeah.
But it looks like it's really nicely done
looks like a box
that the movie
would come in
DVD or the VHS
or something
yeah well you remember
when I remember
when I first started this
and people just put
their name on a piece
of fucking cardboard
and then people also
used to write their name
in icing on cookie cakes
and I wish that
would fucking come back
I don't know why
that stopped
yeah where are the
goddamn cookie cakes?
Yeah, because the cakes were nice.
Oh, there is somebody holding one.
God damn it.
Come sit closer next time
or where an old man can see you.
Has anybody ever read the novel of Jaws?
Anyone in this room?
I've never read a novel.
It was a popular book before they turned it into a movie. Oh, what? Before they turned it into a movie. It was a popular book
before they turned it into a movie.
Oh, what?
Before they turned it into a movie,
it was a bestseller.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, and then when they made it into a movie,
people were excited because they had read the book,
and then the movie held up.
And now all those people are dead,
and the rest of us can just enjoy the movie
as it was intended.
I'm saying anyone who's read that book
is probably pretty old.
You're really angry
about reading, aren't you?
Have you ever read Jaws Log?
There's a whole book
about the making of Jaws
that's pretty popular.
That's probably pretty good.
Yeah.
Did anybody die
during the making?
Of Jaws?
Yeah.
The big goddamn shark.
The fucking mechanical shark
broke down a lot.
A lot.
A lot of issues there.
At least he wasn't CGI'd.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
All right.
So, Lisa McGinn. Sorry. What? Wait. All right, so...
Lisa, begin.
Sorry.
What?
Wait.
That's supposed to be
let's begin?
That's exactly what that was.
Jesus.
You fucking figured it out.
Don't act like you didn't.
That was rough.
I'm glad you said it,
not me.
Go back to hating reading.
That had a really ugly tone
to it, sir.
Alright, the first
game we're going to play, because
Alex is here, is
Jason and Deb and Alex's
IMDb game.
This isn't right, because I don't play it on the show.
I just read things, and it just goes in one ear and out the other.
So my movie knowledge may not be as high.
I mean, you know how it works.
You know all the rules.
I do know how it works, yeah.
Yeah, negative point if you buzz in and miss.
You want to buzz in with your own name to let me know that you have an answer.
Can I buzz in with um?
If you'd like. Everyone can buzz in with um? If you'd like.
Everyone can buzz in with what they want. Have you played this game before, Chris?
I'm trying to remember. I think I have,
but it's been a minute. I'm going to name the top
four on somebody's IMDb page.
We have to name the actor or actress.
Yes.
And the earlier you get in, the more bonus points you can get
by naming additional films
that are in their
top four. But IMDb is the more bonus points you can get by naming additional films that are in their top
four. Word.
But IMDb is
very unpredictable
what ends up in the top four.
And now artists, actors and actresses
can just get in there and
pick their top four.
If they so choose. But you don't know if they picked it
or not.
We can guess later.
Alright, so this is just between the folks
that are on stage. I know it doesn't
feel like I have to remind the Austin crowd of this,
but I still, when there's
700 people in a room...
No one at home can tell, man.
You never know.
When someone's going to feel the urge to yell out.
Did I cover everything you need to know?
Negative point.
Negative point if you buzz it wrong.
Extra points.
Oh, we're playing four rounds, and I also have a tiebreaker if need be.
Extra points Oh we're playing four rounds
And I also have a tiebreaker
If need be
And I learned from the master Alex
That sometimes
You can have a theme
That emerges
Oh god damn it
Is it
Is it birthdays?
Who celebrated
Who celebrated birthday today?
Bob Barker
Happy Gilmore
God damn it
He got it a second time.
Every time
he gets it before you.
Very fast.
That's really not
how the game works.
I don't want to be
a stickler.
Oh, Alex,
I took your game
and made a few changes.
It's all people
who have just been
in one movie
that are named Bob Barker.
Here we go.
The first movie in this person's top four
is Happy Kilmore.
Shut the fuck up.
All right, this is for reals now.
Okay.
I was ready.
I was pumped.
It's for realsies time.
Number one,
Jurassic Park.
People are like,
I know that.
I've seen that movie.
So many actors in it though.
And dinosaurs.
Maybe this is the top four for a specific dinosaur.
Chris Triceratops.
No.
I know you were joking around,
so I'm not going to give you a negative one.
Thank you.
I appreciate that, Doug.
Thank you.
You were just having fun.
I don't know.
Here we go.
The second movie
in this person's top four
is The Great Escape.
God damn it. Oh, it's got to be. God damn it.
Oh, it's gotta be...
God damn it.
It's gotta be somebody old?
Yeah.
It's a dinosaur!
The third movie...
I don't know his name.
...is
The Lost World Jurassic Park.
Which one was that?
Is that three?
Yeah, that's three.
You mean movies named?
Which number in the Jurassic?
That's number two.
I'm telling you that because I don't think it'll help.
That's number two?
That's the second Jurassic Park movie.
They were having fun with
putting the title after the colon.
What was the other one? The Great Escape?
I don't think anybody's ever done that since.
What's that?
What's The Great Escape? It's also a movie.
That's the third Jurassic Park movie.
God damn it.
That actually really works, Alex.
That really works.
The dinosaurs escape, get it?
Alright, here's the fourth title.
The fourth title is Miracle on 34th Street.
Lisa.
Oh, nice.
Chris was starting to talk.
He didn't buzz in.
Jeff Goldblum.
Maybe he was in the remake.
He might have been in the remake.
She said it with such confidence.
For a second I was like,
how old was he when The Great Escape came out?
Did you ever see that perennial classic
Miracle on 34th Street with Natalie Wood?
Did you see Jeff Goldblum lurking?
The little baby Jeff Goldblum.
It could have been the 90s remake.
Chris.
He could have been in the remake, yes.
But Chris, go ahead.
I'm going to say a name that I'm pretty sure is wrong.
Okay.
Sure, John Gilgood.
That is wrong.
Yeah.
In my head, it felt right.
Yeah.
This mic seems real hot. This is exciting. Yeah, head, it felt right. This mic seems real hot.
This is exciting. Yeah, you might have got a
new hot mic. I know who it is, but I can't
think of his name. Right, he's a tough one.
The name part is hard.
Often people put Sir in front of it
because I believe he was knighted.
Richard Attenborough.
I can think of his brother, but not him.
He's the gentleman that says
welcome to Jurassic Park.
Throws his arms out and looks like a Santa.
Was Jeff Goldblum an alien?
He was cast in Miracle on his 34th stream
because he was just like,
Hey, dude, you look like a Santa.
You've always looked like a Santa.
It's time to step up.
It's time to make this shit real.
Santa.
All right,
so Alex and Matt
are doing great
with no points
because Chris and Lisa
both have negative
one point.
Yeah.
Sometimes
the credits listed
are not films.
They are TV shows.
Good boy.
I wonder if that will happen in this round.
Just wanted you to know about it.
Home Improvement.
Okay.
I'll give you a dollar, Lisa, if you say Jeff Goldblum.
Jeff Goldblum.
No takers on Home Improvement?
No, I'm going to wait.
Okay.
Interesting.
So many names you could name from Home Improvement.
One of these is Meet the Deedles.
I got it.
The next title is Toy Story
Chris
Fuck
Tim Allen
Tim Allen is correct
I've forgotten his name
Were you worried Chris
It might be the guy looking over the face
His name is Wilson
I don't know
How am I going to know Wilson's name
Alright so Chris gets one point for that,
so he pulls himself out of the hole.
And you get to name two more Tim Allen projects
to try to get into a few more points.
I'm going to say the Santa Claus.
Some people like that decision.
The Santa Claus?
Some people like that decision.
And ooh.
He was in that
bully movie.
But maybe he's one
that went in, I'm going to say Red Belt.
Red Belt, interesting.
The mammoth movie.
Yeah, yeah.
She would tell
Elijah Ford
Saying a lot about it
Isn't going to get you
That's not going to make
The point
But it seems pretty cool
That I pulled Red Belt
Out of my ass
They went with
After the second choice
They went
You know
They went with Toy Story
And then their third
And fourth are
Toy Story 3
Oh fuck
That makes sense right
And Toy Story 2 Toy Story 2. That makes sense, right? And Toy Story 2.
Fair enough.
But Chris,
you were tied for first place at zero.
So that's a good place to be.
Good place to be.
Don't worry, Kathy. We got this.
It's early, Kathy.
It's early and it's just a moment
All we need is a moment
It only
takes a moment
Alright
We're not playing that musical game, are we?
Who's top four?
No, we are not
Starts
with
The Big Lebowski.
Ooh, there's a lot of names
in that movie.
Yeah,
Tara fucking Reed is in that movie.
You worry
for a long time about her toe.
But that could be a number of people's biggest credit.
Right?
All right, I'll give you the second name.
This person was also in Blazing Saddles.
Whoa.
Whoa is right.
All right.
Third title
The Producers
Alex
What do you got?
What do you got?
No I fucked up
But I'll
I'll say
Don't say anything
I will let you walk away
Really?
I will not give you negative
Isn't this
his game? For yelling out.
I mean,
does this ever happen? Somebody says
their own name and then
wants to rescind? No, yeah.
We started a countdown.
So if you buzz in with your name, you have five seconds.
Five, four, three,
two, incorrect.
No, it's got to be
negative one for Alex.
And the fourth title,
Santa Claus the Movie.
It's got to be
whoever plays the fucking
Lebowski.
It's got to be him,
but who the fuck knows that guy's name?
A bunch of nerds
in this room, I'm sure of it.
The guy with huge
teeth and he lives in Texas?
Alright, I'm just gonna
tell you the answer, because you guys
don't know it. It is a tough one, but
great character actor that was in all
four of those movies, played Santa Claus in Santa Claus
the Movie. David Huddleston was his name.
Ah, David Huddleston.
All right, so let's recap.
Matt and Chris are tied for first with zero.
Yeah.
Game in the game.
Knocking it out the park.
And Alex and Lisa are both a negative one.
So you might want to swing for the fences on this next one.
See what happens.
First title is...
Up.
Alex.
What do you got, Alex?
Ed Esner.
That is correct.
Oh!
I almost buzzed in with Wong,
but I don't think he played that kid.
No, I don't think he did.
Alex has now crawled up to zero points.
And now he's got three more possibilities
for more points.
If he gets any of them,
if he can name one more movie with Ed Asner in it,
he is the winner of this game.
I'm going to say Elf. I'm going to say
the Elf TV show, and I'm going to say
something where he
also was an old man.
They went with,
because they do TV,
The Mary Tyler Moore Show,
Lou Grant.
And Elphara.
Yes!
There you go.
Alex wins with one point.
The tiebreaker was Billy Bob Thornton.
Because all of the people...
They're all Santas.
They're all Santas.
Everyone has played Santa in a movie.
And Alex has his name added to the game now, right?
For him!
Yes, it's official.
Jason and Deb and Alex's IMDb game.
And let's be honest, I'll probably forget...
At some point, I'll forget to say Jason and Deb.
It's going to straight- and Deb. That's gonna
straight up transition into
Alex's IMDb game.
What kind of
kickbacks I get on that sort of thing?
What do you mean?
You and I have to talk, because Jason
and Deb gave it to me.
All they said was, you just have to name it after us.
Which is really interesting that they didn't even come up with it.
Yeah.
It's hilarious.
We didn't mention what...
We didn't mention that Matt Bearden can be heard mornings here at the same time
as Jason and Deb.
Radio war.
Defer to Alex. Right across the hall
on the Dudley and Bob
morning show. Because he
has a successful comedy career
and I only have this.
So he...
Alright, then I'm not going to mention it.
I'm not going to mention...
You also misused the word successful, but thank you. going to mention it I'm not going to mention Dale Dudley
I'll take it nonetheless
How are the guys doing there in the mornings
With you, man?
They're doing well
They don't know that I'm here
When they find out that I'm here today
Then I'll have to pay for it tomorrow
There'll be a lot of talk about it tomorrow?
I think they're still mad about the ban
Well, first of all They were never banned to pay for it tomorrow. There'll be a lot of talk about it tomorrow. I think they're still mad about the ban.
Well, first of all, they were never banned.
They were... Not ever invited back.
They were terrible guests.
It did not go well.
Yeah.
I listened, and it was uncomfortable.
Yeah.
What'd they do?
They just...
It weren't quite...
Oh, my God, is that a bear?
I'm sorry I completely forgot
I was distracted
I thought a bear
was rushing the stage
they saved their pubic hair
and in my panic
I have completely
forgotten where we were
we're in a game though
let's move on
and employment saved for another year.
Wait a second.
I thought you were answering her question with that's the kind of thing they would do,
is just point out that there might be a bear in the audience.
Which is awesome.
They were very distracted and distracting.
Dale Dudley, because he's scared of being in front of people,
which is great for anyone with a career in radio.
You never have to meet anyone.
You can just sit in your radio hole.
But he's nervous in front of people,
so he drank and smoked weed before participating in this,
which didn't turn out well.
Neither of those worked out great for him.
They react like ketamine in his system.
And it was an uncomfortable moment.
And we had a dude doing the sound for the show at the time
that I haven't done it since because it's a terrible idea,
gave us all headsets.
So we were completely
hands-free.
And so Bob
decided that since
you're hands-free, that means
go ahead and roam the crowd
whenever you feel
like it throughout the
proceedings. Oh, hey, I got a
wireless mic.
Yeah.
Exactly.
The end.
So I was like,
could you come back to the stage?
We're playing a game.
Oh, shit, donuts.
See, Chris knows
he would never be banned from the show,
so he can get away with this kind of...
Also, I know who likes donuts, motherfucker.
I'm prepared.
I don't like donuts.
I want to throw donuts.
Throw donuts!
You're not supposed to throw them at Doug.
Oh, yeah, whatever.
That's what I call them now, throw nuts.
Those are not donuts.
Those are donettes.
Very dainty.
Yeah, they're like the backup singers for donuts.
All right, open your mouths.
There's hardly even a hole.
That was pretty close, actually.
It was, yeah.
Hot cocoa and marshmallow.
Let's try again.
Ready?
Open it up.
Did you get permission to take those?
And we just lost a beer.
Absolutely.
Oh, man, if you can ring someone's beer with one of those,
like a card game.
Jesus Christ. Oh, I like that poster can ring someone's beer with one of those, like a card game. Jesus Christ.
Oh, I like that poster.
I like that poster.
Nailed it.
Oh, I got to throw a donut.
Yeah, yeah, keep throwing donuts.
I'm going to try to keep the games going
while you guys throw donuts.
Please do.
Can I get a Stella while I'm throwing donuts?
That way.
I hit a light.
She's going deep.
I threw a lime.
There we are.
Lisa's just going for it. You're disgusting.
Lisa's just going for it. You're disgusting.
There's a reason
they're limited edition.
Sorry if I got some lime on you.
Listen, Cap City management,
the show's going to go a little long tonight.
Because your staff's going to have to clean up donuts.
That's not why the show would go long.
We're just so late, and I'm having so much fun.
I mean, it's a shitty comedian thing to do,
to be like, oh, I got to go.
And the audience is like, no.
These guys, you sound cool
with me wrapping it up right now.
But we gotta play because
by viewer demand,
I scheduled this tonight, so we gotta do it.
Viewer demand? No one can watch
this shit.
Listener demand. We're gonna
play Build a Title.
Yeah!
So Alex pulled out that last game, so
we'll start with Alex, and then we'll go
to Matt, and then Chris,
and then Lisa.
And the idea of this game, Lisa,
I don't know if you've played it before,
is I'm going to name the title of a movie
and then everyone has to take turns
adding titles to that movie.
Other movies that have a title
that fit in
very specifically with
the title. So the idea is you can drop
the's and a's off of the beginnings
of titles to get them in there.
But
someone clapped like they were going to argue
with their friends about that.
I thought
that's how that rule worked.
I like exact titles
in most of my games, but in Build a Title, you've got
to get rid of the a's and thes or it just
makes it too hard. So we're going to start.
Alex, do you know this game, Alex?
I do.
Okay.
We're going to start with hometown title, Richard Linklater's Dazed and Confused.
Dazed and Confused.
Great movie, responsible for Matthew McConaughey's catchphrase.
All right, all right, all right.
Drive a Lincoln.
He did a, one time he did.
I saw.
Don't get me started on that Lincoln commercial
where he's talking to his dogs
about where do you want to go eat.
He asks them where they want to go.
And then he says, oh, but I get to decide
because I'm the person
But you fucking asked them
I'm kind of a fucking tyrant
Alright
Days of Confused, Alex
You have to add something
Before Dazed or after Confused
And of course Is it confused, Alex? Do you have to add something before dazed or after confused?
It has those things in there. Of course, dazed is, you know,
any movie that ends in day or dazed.
And with confused,
any movie that begins with
confused or
used.
You're making this
too easy.
No, it's still hard.
It's not bad.
He should be able to do it.
What do you got, Alex?
End of days and confused.
Oh, okay.
After this, I'm fucked.
End of days and confused, yeah.
You could have gone, yeah, strange days and confused.
That was the one I was trying to think of.
Yeah.
I thought you might.
I didn't.
Matt, we've got end of days and confused.
We need something that ends in end.
I don't know if they'll give me this.
If not, okay, let me just have a second one.
But end of days. I will. First round, sure.
End of days and confuse good men?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
You can't handle the no.
I can handle Estella.
Oh, more tea doesn't soda for me if we're ordering drinks.
Yeah, gentlemen.
Okay, Matt, do you have a real answer?
I'm working on it.
Now that we had some fun.
I'm working on it.
So we can't just work off dazed and confused.
We got to keep adding to it.
Adding and building and building.
Yeah.
So we've got end of dazed and confused.
So something that ends in end or a word that ends in end.
End of dazed and confused cars.
Yes.
Yes.
Chris, end of dazed and confused cars.
Ooh, okay.
Cars.
Okay, here we go.
End of Days and Confused Cars 2.
God dang it.
It's so good.
Yes.
It's so good.
Yes.
So, Lisa, you need a movie that begins with two or ends with end?
Two doesn't have to be a number.
Any version of the word two.
Oh, okay.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
How about Dead Ends of Days
and Confused
Cars 2?
Dead End?
Isn't that a great movie, guys?
That movie you just made up?
It came out in the 70s.
Okay.
I feel like there's almost certainly Thank You.
That's probably right.
Who can bing that for me right now?
Nobody.
Nobody can.
No.
Use of cell phones is not allowed in the theater.
I'm sure there might be.
Who starred in Drop?
What is it?
You didn't say we have to know
who stars in it.
No, I didn't.
I like the angle you work in.
But I just want to believe it.
I know, I do too.
Two.
Oh.
Two.
You can't think of any movie
that ends with two?
Just like start saying, say two,
and then keep saying more words.
To Sir With Love.
Dead Ends.
Wait, what is it again?
Dead Ends.
That's not part of it.
Dead Ends.
Nope, stop.
Days and Confused Cars.
Wait.
Okay.
I shouldn't have that one.
Just give it to her.
You don't have to say the whole thing again.
It's End of Days of Confused Cars
to Sir With Love.
Thank you.
Thanks for that prompt.
Yeah. And I know
exactly what Alex is gonna do.
Do you? I think so.
I think you do. This is the end
of Days of Confused
Cars to Sir With Love. I think that's gonna be a stop end of Days and Confused Cars 2,
Sir, With Love.
I think that's going to be a stopper
because I don't think there's any movie that ends with this.
What?
This is the end of Days and Confused Cars 2,
Sir, With Love story.
Nailed it.
I thought, Alex, I thought you'd go Love Actually. I thought about Story. Story. Nailed it. I thought, Alex,
I thought you'd go
Love Actually.
I thought about it.
Yeah.
All right, so
Chris, do you have a movie
that begins with the word story?
I'm working on it.
Yeah.
Story.
No, I got
movies that end
with the word story.
Story.
Yeah.
Oh, I... Oh, can I do this?
Can I do this?
Maybe.
I think I can.
I feel like I can.
Okay.
Give it a shot.
This is the end of Days in Confused Cars 2, sir, with Love Story Animator.
Re-animator.
I like it Yeah
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa
I think you can get
Dead ends into this one
For sure
Oh we're not friends anymore? I think you can get dead ends into this one for sure.
Oh, we're not friends anymore?
We'll see.
Is there a movie that ends with this?
There is?
Oh, shush.
Oh, shit.
We've got confirmation.
Somebody has one.
Or a movie that begins with...
What?
With... Tor.
Anime Tor or Tor.
Yeah, Tor.
Oh, I know one.
Yeah, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop.
Stop, mic drop.
Usually with a mic drop You don't have to pick up your own mic
It's way less gangster when you gotta pick up your own mic
It usually happens and you walk away
Leave the auditorium
Alright so Lisa's out
Wait
We gotta get through this All right, so Lisa's out. Wait.
We've got to get through this.
All right.
We've got another game.
I was going to make another one up. You're still...
We don't have time for that shit.
All right, what was the one you thought of?
It's still coming.
Here we go, Alex.
We're still in the game.
The rest of us.
What do you got, Alex?
Analyze, this is the end
of days that confused
cars to
serve with love.
You don't have to say it all.
Animator.
Story animator.
Alright, Matt?
Analyze, this is the End of Days
and Confused Cars to Sir with Love Story Animator.
Tora, Tora, Tora.
Yes.
Wow.
That was good.
Okay. Okay.
Torah, Torah, Torah.
Rah, rah, rah
Analyze this is the end of
Days and Confused Cars 2
Sir with love
Story anime
Torah, Torah, Torah
Running man
Running man
Poor running man
That fits
That fits
So glad I'm out
Alex
That whole other part
Running man
Running man on fire
He blows up a guy's butt That whole other part. Running man. Running man on fire.
He blows up a guy's butt.
He does.
Movies have to have been,
these are theater movies, right?
Yeah.
I can't just put hot in front of it.
There's a movie called Hot Anal.
And I had to hot analyze this. But I don't know if you're going to give that to me
because it didn't, it may have seen a theater
but
Was the Billy Crystal movie called
Analyze This?
They used to pronounce
the sexual term used to be anal.
What else do you got? I was to be anal.
What else you got?
All you need is something... I was focused on anal.
So what was the last thing
that you said?
Fire.
All you need is something
to be used with fire.
Man on fire.
Okay, so...
Do you want me
to do the whole thing?
No.
Just add to fire.
Fire starter.
Yeah, okay.
It's way more fun
when you do the whole thing, isn't it?
We were just like, ah, boring, boo.
That's real hard.
Starter.
Starter.
What's the first part?
The first part is analyze.
An.
An.
Something an.
You can work with that.
Something began.
Oh.
Oh, hold on.
Oh, shut up!
Shut up! I'm not, shut up! Shut up!
I'm not listening to you.
Shut up!
Swim fanalize this.
Yes!
Is the end of days
and confused cars
to serve with love story
animate
Torah, Torah, Torah
running man
on fire
started.
Woo! Woo! Woo! Tora, Tora, Tora, I mean, man. On fire. Start it.
Woo, woo, woo.
Lisa's still happy to be out.
Alex.
I'm about to be right there.
I got it if you want to bow out.
Oh, shit.
Matt's got it.
Something that ends in swim.
Or begins.
In tur.
With tur.
Or starter.
Nobody's saying anything.
Probably tur.
What do you got there, Alex?
I think I'm just going to...
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm going to sit this way.
Alex is out.
He'll be back.
He'll be back.
This isn't for all the points.
It's fine.
Matt?
Swim fanalize.
This is the end of dazed and Confused Cars 2
Sir with Love Story
Anime
Tora
Tora
Tori
Amen
Doug left. He's not coming back.
On fire.
Running Man
On Fire
Star
Terminator 2
Full title. I went on fire star Terminator 2.
Full title.
I went... Full title.
Full title.
Terminator 2.
This is one of those moments
where now you can't think of it
because everyone's staring at you
and this is a big victory.
Judgment Day.
Yeah. Shut up.
And that's when we lost Matt to the jungle gym.
Oh, there's still
a jungle gym back there.
And we never saw them again.
Just did a quick lap.
Close up, Kara.
Top victory lap.
You can go all the way through there if you're small.
Or if you're wireless.
So not me.
I'm trying to see if I can do the whole thing.
Where's it start?
Swimfan, right?
Swimfan, this is the end of days.
And confused cars too cars to sir with love
story animator
a torrentor running man
on fire
fire star terminator
to judgment days of thunder
Matt do you have anything that begins with der?
Could he do under?
Under, yeah, right?
The under, sure.
Thunder, yeah.
You don't have, I feel bad.
It was okay?
Because there was a lot of help there.
No, you're fine.
Do your thing, man.
Am I doing the whole thing?
It's fun.
Yeah, it's fun, but do you? You don't have to of help there. No, you're fine. Do your thing, man. Am I doing the whole thing? It's fun.
It's fun, but do you... You don't have to do the whole thing.
Secret message received.
His eyes lit up like the Terminator.
He's like, you don't have to do the whole thing.
Under the Rainbow was where I would go.
Thunder the Rainbow.
Thunder the Rainbow.
Thunder the Rainbow.
What's that movie? Under the Rainbow. Thunder the Rainbow. Thunder the Rainbow. What's that movie?
Under the Rainbow?
You've never seen Under the Rainbow?
About the making of The Wizard of Oz?
It's all the little people.
Chevy Chase, Carrie Fisher, who would know it?
I'll just start from there.
Under the Rainbow Finger.
Yes.
What do you got? What do you got?
What do you got, Matt, that begins with finger?
Under the Rainbow Fing...
Don't you dare say geranimals.
Those are pajamas.
It's a fashion line.
Uh...
And you can't say
Gr-raid escape.
No matter how much
Tony the Tiger loved it.
Tough, right?
Yeah, I'm out.
I can't think of the rest of it right now.
Gurg.
You had a great run.
Chris?
Gurgle grape.
Gurgle grape.
Gurgle seeding, gurgle, gurgle.
That's how gerbil grape
uh
gerbil grape
is how
mama nana
and poppy
say Gilbert Grape
and that was just
a shout out
to his grandparents
is there a movie
oh no
oh no
that's so much booze
that is
that is something
I wouldn't worry about it
just beer
on a brand new floor
don't worry about it after they's just beer on a brand new floor.
Don't worry about it.
After they got all after hours of picking the donuts
out of the carpet,
they'll hardly notice
we fucked up the stage.
Feel all right about it.
Is there a movie called
Gertrude Stein?
See, I wanted to go with
Gertrude Stein and Untold Story.
That felt like a made up.
There has to be a movie called Sink or Swim, right?
I don't know what it's called, but I'm assuming.
What about Girl...
Oh, yeah, Thing Girl Interrupted.
Girl Interrupted.
You already gave up.
Nice.
Thing Girl Interrupted.
Yeah.
Get that out of me. I'm trying to talk to somebody
Alright, well
I'm glad we brought Bill the title back
For such a great panel
To give us a real
Nice job guys
That's why I don't play it all the time,
because it's a really hard game for people to play.
Some people can't do it.
No offense.
Just start with that.
That was good.
You had a good one.
You like that movie?
She's never seen it.
Yes, I do like that film.
Cool.
It's probably about time for me to wrap this show up, but we got
one more game to play.
Oh shit, we're six minutes
over, so let's get into this.
Let's play Last Man
Stanton.
Or woman I've pre-selected someone in the audience
Lots of people tweeted me today
Thank you very much
With suggestions for
Who to play with Last Man Stanton
It'll be an actor or an actress
We'll take turns
I like to play along
We'll take turns naming movies
that this person's been in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
Who won that last game?
Chris? Chris. I did. Chris won.
So we'll start with Chris, then we'll go to Lisa
and Alex and Matt
and myself. In that order,
just keep going around.
And you get one lifeline,
and it's the person whose name tag you chose.
So at one point you
can go to them for help with an answer.
I recommend
using your lifeline early.
You and me, Avengers.
Early? Yeah.
Interesting. Because you use it late, they're going to go,
I don't know. We use it early,
you might get a title you weren't thinking of
and you can keep the ones you were thinking of.
I'm not doing that shit, Evan.
I'm praying.
Where is
Miss Nix, ma'am?
On Twitter.
M-A-A-M.
Like Sam the ma'am.
Rest in peace.
You know, it's a weird way For me to tell you guys
The sad news
Alright Miss Nix ma'am
Where are you from?
Waco
Waco?
I'm sorry
And how long does it take
To get to Austin from Waco?
30 years.
Not mentally, I meant physically.
What?
About an hour and a half.
Hour and a half, okay.
On scenic I-35.
Such a lovely route.
Thanks for making all that effort.
I'm glad I chose you. There's a lady.
Where's the lady from Florida?
What part of Florida?
Tampa.
You drove from Tampa to here?
You flew.
But you were coming here for
some other reason,
not just to see this.
No, this was one of the reasons.
One of.
So when I said
there were other reasons,
we firmly established,
oh, this is the most important.
Well, that's good.
Yeah, I came to see
Douglas movies
and go to a funeral.
So this is the most important
But I had to come here
Because of that other thing
But thanks for coming
And I hope to see you in Tampa again
They always fuck up the sound there
Miss Nix, ma'am
What do you got for us?
Jack Black
Jack fucking Black
Great guy
Lots of movie roles
Some
I was going to give some clues
But there's no reason to say anymore
Start with you, Chris
School of Rock
Yes
Plus Estella You're sad that one was taken already? You. Plus Estella.
You're sad that one was taken already?
You still need Estella or another one?
No, I just want another Stella.
You're supposed to, when you order Estella,
you're supposed to fall on your knees and rip your shirt.
I got like five shirts, man.
I can't afford that shit.
Lisa, name any movie
that's got Jack Black in it.
And fall on your knees
and rip your shirt.
Is he in High Fidelity?
Of course he is.
I'm done.
Yeah, no,
you should use your lifeline
next round.
Alex?
I will go with
Saving Silverman.
Yes.
Bernie.
Matt, what would you like to go with?
He just said Bernie.
Still.
I thought you were like
in some sort of white man haze.
Still fucking holding out hope.
Let it go, let it go.
Come on, December 19th.
Come on, electors, do your job.
Just put Bernie in there, man.
He's going to change it first.
Bernie. I like how you use the going to change it first. Bernie.
I like how you use the Trump supporter voice
for this Bernie supporter.
They're all the same.
They're all the same.
We are the world.
Bernie, great movie with Jack Black.
I'm going to go, for my Jack Black movie,
I'm going to go with
Dead Man Walking.
Oh, tight hole. Really?
Mm-hmm. I would have sat on that.
You played Sean Penn's brother
in that. I don't need to sit on anything.
I'm going to win this. Oh, shit. All right.
Oh, shit.
I got titles where you're just going to go,
what?
Nacho Libre.
It's almost
everybody's Libre, but it might not be.
Joe, it's time for you.
It's time for Joe to start thinking.
Libre. Lisa Lisa another Jack Black movie
Anything that's got Jack Black in it
Mama's looking at her lifeline
What do you got lifeline?
Enemy of the State
Enemy of the State
That's a good one
That's a really S-pull. That's a really good one.
Good job.
Deadly Kathy coming forward.
Holy shit.
Then I am going to go with Tropic Thunder.
Ooh.
Tropic Thunder
What do you got for us there, Matt?
I can't get the second part.
I can't get the post-colon part of a movie.
Oh, shit.
I'll go with Joe.
Joe, I need your help right now.
Come to a panda.
He's saying, come to a panda.
He's a father of two children.
I don't pay attention to anything that they like or care about.
So that is definitely on me.
And I'm going to have to answer to my wife when I get home.
My wife!
Shit, I'm going to have to go with Kung Fu Panda 2.
Now I'm real concerned about a colon situation.
I know, right?
I don't think, I don't know, man.
That's a tough one.
I'll come back to it.
Let's go with...
Hold on one second.
Evan, shut up.
Settle down Evan
We did Kung Fu Panda
Enemy of the State
Can't do Kung Fu Panda 3
This early
Oh Shallow Howl
Yes
Shallow Howl
So is anything we've said
Helped you Lisa to think of another one?
Is that Jack Black's career over after these movies?
We've said Kung Fu Panda.
We've said Kung Fu Panda 2.
Great choices, all of them.
Damn it.
She thinks that's where the series ends. Is there a movie called Tenacious D?
Fuck!
We're gonna need a full title.
We're gonna need a full title.
Yeah, gotta go full title. There, we've got to go full title.
That's the problem.
There's more words.
But it's me.
I don't know things.
There's more words in it for sure.
Really?
Yeah.
She got to the theater a little late.
Tenacious.
Delightful.
Yeah, no, they weren't playing build a title with their own.
That would have been good.
Their own name.
All right.
School of Rock 2.
Lisa's out.
Okay.
So you were really...
You're on the right track.
Alex?
I will say Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm out now.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I can't.
I'm drawing a blank.
Holy shit, dude.
I thought he'd only made that one movie.
You didn't have to take your fucking kids to see...
Oh, Kung Fu Panda 3.
Oh, you did it!
Full title!
I don't know.
I think the Kung Fu Panda movies Just have enough
There's an amazing thing
About Kung Fu Panda
And it's just three
They didn't try
To complicate anything
They know daddy
Is hung the fuck over
At the Alamo Draft House
On a Sunday morning
Oh, Texas
What's this bullshit
You can't serve liquor
At an Alamo Draft House
At 10 a.m.
Fuck you
I'm there from a goddamn sing-along With 20 kids singing this bullshit you can't serve liquor at an Alamo draft house at 10 a.m. Fuck you!
I'm there for my goddamn sing-along with 20 kids singing. Let us drink.
Oh yeah, you good?
Sorry, yeah, I'm good.
That was a little...
I thought a lot of that was an internal monologue
until I heard it.
Now remember, you still got your lifeline.
No, no.
Oh shit, okay. You're doing good though, because you're listening Alright, now remember you still got your lifeline No, no, he already used his lifeline
Oh shit, okay
Well, you're doing good though
Because you're listening to what everybody's saying
And it's helping you to fire up
Think of an answer
I like that your compliments always sound condescending
No, you're killing it, man
I really like you.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say you're ruining it.
Alright, I'm going to go with...
Oh, shit!
Jesus' son.
Oh, word. Thank you son. Oh, word.
Thank you for saying that out loud.
Because I think, hold on.
No, wait, wait, wait.
We all know some.
Oh, well, he already said it, so I'm going to let him have it.
Because you said it out loud, I don't want to cheat.
Airborne.
That's what somebody over there said?
My guy.
My lifeline.
I was trying to look him in the eye and see if he had the same movie.
Oh, I see.
But he said it before you asked him to.
So you're both eliminated.
No, Airborne. He's in that movie.
Yeah, he is in Airborne.
And I've got a couple in the bank.
Oh, you got some spank peg?
Yeah.
Jack, big black, never mind.
What do you got there, Alex?
Goosebumps.
Goosebumps.
God damn it, Alex is still in it.
I forgot about you.
Do you have a lifeline or no?
I still have my lifeline. He still has his lifeline. God damn, we're screwed. in it. I forgot about you. Do you have a lifeline or no? I still have my lifeline.
He still has his lifeline.
God damn, we're screwed.
Gil, don't fuck me here.
So we're back to you, Matt.
I'm going to go with Goosebumps 2.
Nope.
Full title.
Yeah, it'll have a fucking...
It'll have a, yeah.
Tear not making a sequel to that movie.
Oh, shit.
Somebody over here is disputing
that Goosebumps
Isn't a full title
Oh shit hold on
Can we get a fact check
What do you think the full title is
R.L. Stine's Goosebumps
R.L. Stine's Goosebumps
Like Barry Gordy's The Last Dragon
Listen I
You know I appreciate this to a point.
When I bought my ticket,
I didn't fucking bring up R.L. Stine.
That's because you don't like Jews.
How do you feel about that?
I don't like goosebumps.
All right.
So, you know, I appreciate her mentioning that.
R.L. Stine's goosebumps.
I'm not going to.
Oh, yeah.
Now you fixed it.
It's fine.
Now we're good.
Yeah, okay.
So Matt's out.
No, it's fine.
No, no, no.
I'm back in now.
What?
What?
How'd that happen?
We're going to make up rules.
So it's back to me again? It's back to you again. You motherfucker. We're going to make up rules. So it's back to me again?
It's back to you again.
All right.
I'm going to go with The Holiday.
Nice.
I've never heard of that movie.
Jude Law.
Yeah.
He hooks up with Kate Winslet.
Kate Winslet.
No way.
And Cameron Diaz.
I'm going to go with a movie
I'm not 100% sure about, but
here we go. I like it.
Year One.
I'm going to hit you with a little...
Did you know the working title for Nacho Libre
was Year One?
Alright.
Alex?
Gulliver's Travels.
Yes, yes, yes.
Jack Black is the real winner
tonight.
He hasn't been around.
What a career.
He's done some things.
He's been in some films.
He's probably
maybe in one of the
most expensive movies
of all time.
Waterworld?
Oh my God.
Lisa.
Lisa.
Jack Black is
fucking in Waterworld.
And that is my answer.
That's amazing.
Chris?
I'm pretty sure about this.
The cable guy.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
No, I was Alex
White power, hit me with something real quick
No, no, no
Not my America
We can't see you
Orange County
Oh, Orange County.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Russian hackers gave him that answer,
and I didn't even count.
That's pretty good.
I feel embarrassed now.
But here's the movie I was trying to say
the last time around when Lisa helped me out.
King Kong.
God damn it. It's the last one I had. Lisa helped me out. King Kong.
God damn it.
It's the last one I had.
Shit.
Completely out of Jack Black's?
I might be.
Hold on one second.
All right.
Think about it for a second. The monkey.
You already sent
enemy to state
Fuck you
Analyze this
What?
I don't know
Maybe he smoked
Beer or something
It was worth a shot
Yeah
He's not in that
Alex
See this is This is my last one This is my mic drop But I know you've got more shot. Yeah, he's not in that. Alex?
See,
this is my last one. This is my mic drop,
but I know you've got more.
But,
The Jackal, one of my favorite movies of all time. Bruce Willis,
Sidney Poitier.
He gets his
the shit kicked out of him
by a machine gun. It's awesome.
Yeah, fuck.
It's not one of your favorites.
He's also involved.
It is.
That's a bold face lie, sir.
That is no one's favorite movie
of all time.
I love it.
He's also involved.
Mercury Rising,
you piece of shit.
He's involved
in a battle to the death
in Anchorman,
the Legend of Rondberg.
Oh, yeah.
But yeah, that really is, that's all I got.
But I still win, right?
Yeah, I like your attitude.
Alex is our winner I've been going over and over in my head
I can't think of the first name of Roberts
Bob Roberts
I couldn't fucking think of Bob Roberts
Oh shit, I had Envy and I forgot about that
Envy, yes
Forgot about it in the middle of the game.
What else did we miss?
Oh, Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story.
Biodome?
He's in Biodome?
I said Dead Man Walkers.
He's in
Mars Attacks?
He's in Demolition Man?
Where'd your microphone go?
I forgot.
Shark Tale.
The Big Ear.
I actually really like that movie.
The Big Ear about the bird hunters?
Yeah, yeah.
He isn't Neverending Story 3.
Neverending Story 3? Good call.
Good fucking story. Holy shit.
It's not good. Don't do it. Jack's got some
deep cuts.
By the way, I'm sure you googled half of these.
I don't trust you for one second.
Me? Not you. The audience.
There's no way you knew Neverending Story
3. They're allowed to.
They're allowed to look at their devices, aren't they?
Which one?
Neverending Story 3?
You're yelling it again?
We're talking about it.
Be kind, rewind.
Be kind, rewind.
Be kind, rewind.
Be kind, rewind, of course.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Jack Black works, man.
That man works.
The D-Train.
Yeah, the D-Train with James Marsden.
Lemony Snicket's Never Ending Story.
Cradle Will Rock, yeah.
I still know what you did last summer.
I still know what you did last summer?
Shit.
I mean.
God damn, what a career.
But good for him, really.
Yeah, good for him indeed.
Run, Ronnie, run.
He's in.
Holy shit.
Never ends.
Gone too soon.
Yeah.
All right,
where's that person
you were playing for, Alex?
Where's White Power?
Get over here.
There he is, raising the one hand over there.
Very uncomfortable.
I tell you what, you got some good-ass prizes.
Yeah, come get all your prizes.
And I will still personally deliver
40-ish of Moppy and Papa's VHS tapes
to your home
or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's back here.
Yeah.
You didn't write a shithead on your thing.
He was committed.
You were going to win.
Nailed it.
You knew you were going to win?
Son of a bitch.
How dare you have confidence?
Come get all your stuff
all that's yours
on the ground there
be very careful
about yeah
that bag that's got
the bottle of wine
and it's gonna break
through any second
also be careful
if you have a cat allergy
that thing's gonna kill you
later on
yeah that thing is
covered in dust
and cats
that's right thank you cats. That's right.
That's right.
The nail paint.
Oh, we dropped a donut, so somebody's getting that.
Somebody's getting donut-ed.
Donuts.
Mm-mm.
All right, Chris Cubis, what do you got to promote, buddy?
I do voices in a little web series called Earp
which is
very funny
some people
haven't seen it
it's about Wyatt Earp
if he was a screaming pussy
it's real funny
you can see it at
minnowmountainproductions.com
or just go to my
Facebook page
the links are up
I'll be at
San Francisco Sketch Fest
in January
taping some shit
for CISO
and I have my special
Chris Cubas Gets Money
is out on Fusion. You can watch it there.
people that live here, oh, Wix Naturalist Podcast,
Castle Podcast.
Thank you, guys. We're in the middle of
my so-called life. Almost the end of my so-called life
on Canceled, and we're going to start
I think Birds of Prey next?
TV shows don't always last in one season, so you never heard of it for a reason.
But it'll be fun.
Come out and listen to it.
Yeah, Birds of Prey wasn't terrible.
We'll find out.
He's all right.
Lisa, what do you got going on?
Where can people come see you?
All I can think of is I have a show on the 29th at Spider House.
Oh, I'm doing that show too. Is that that? 29th at Spider House. Oh, I'm doing that.
Is that that?
The Year in Review.
Year in Review.
I'm doing that.
We'll both be there.
It'll be good.
We'll just review the year that just passed.
That should be juicy.
What's your Twitter handle?
At Lisa Delarios.
I've got about 13 tweets.
They're all really good.
Is there a social media you prefer?
Do you interact more like on Instagram or something?
I'd say I'm a little more active on the Instagram.
What's your Insta handle?
At Lisa Delarios.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Alex Diamond.
You can listen to the Jason and Deb show
Monday through Friday
6 to 10 in Austin
101.5 FM or anytime at
101x.com
Follow me at thatalexd on Twitter
And also every day
I write a short story
That is exactly 365 words
And I've posted over
100 of them online I've been doing
it for close to three years now.
And you can read those at
365x365.com
Nerd.
Nerd.
It's true.
Whoever said that is my goddamn
hero.
That is time management right there.
I was so impressed by what you were saying.
I was like, that's such impressive output. You're doing a really creative thing. And the second I got it, it said nerd. I was so impressed by what you were saying. I was like, that's such impressive output.
You're doing a really creative thing.
And the second I got it, it said nerd.
I was like, ha ha, nerd!
If you like nerd shit, I got it.
365 times 365.com.
Not X365.
You have to actually spell out times,
because if you do 365X, it's some
Russian guy who's proud of his Corvette or something.
So don't go...
That's a cool motherfucker
right there.
Corvettes and shit?
I mean, give him some good looks, too, but come back to me
afterward for the short stories.
Thanks, Alex. You were a great guest.
Don't say that to Jason and Deb.
Thanks. They'll never listen.
Don't rub it in.
Wait, you said Jason is here.
He's probably not listening.
He's here and not listening?
That's been my experience with him.
Matt Bearden.
When Alex is on commercial
or when his music director
is making him play Pompeii for the ninth time
I'm over at Dudley and Bob
with Matt
we're all in the same spank bank
there in the building
also Punch Comedy is my baby
it's the best damn comedy show in the entire city
you cannot get in any more shows because the rest of the season is sold out Also, Punch Comedy is my baby. It's the best damn comedy show in the entire city.
You cannot get in any more shows because the rest of the season is sold out.
Hurrah!
But the new season, season 17, starts in January,
and I think tickets will go on sale January 2nd.
PunchComedy.com.
Tuesday nights here at App City Comedy.
Lisa will be there.
Chris will be there.
We'll bring in Alex for the fuck of it.
He's not a comic, but he's going to bring his grandparents
and we are going to heckle the fuck out of him.
It's going to be amazing.
And I'd love to have you all there, so check it out.
That's it.
Thanks, Matt.
Thank you.
Thank you to Capital City Comedy Club,
to Austin, Texas,
to you guys for coming out
for making name tags.
I'll keep coming back
as long as you guys keep coming out
and
one more time for all of my guests.
Chris Cubis, Lisa Delarios,
Alex Diamond,
and Matt Bearden.
And as always, the Star Wars Special Edition is a shithead.
Cowboys haters are shitheads.
And this one's a dandy.
Time Magazine's Person of the Year 2016 is a shithead.
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