Doug Loves Movies - Chris Evans, Jonah Ray, and Martin Starr Guest
Episode Date: January 16, 2013Doug welcomes actors Chris Evans and Martin Starr, along with comedian Jonah Ray.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-...not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Doug hates any rapper screaming baby sick
He sleeps with 50 azimuth or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey everybody!
My name is Doug and I love movies
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from the UCB Theater in LA at 7pm.
Everybody's in, that's good.
There's a seat right there if anybody's standing somewhere.
What is it, Tuesday?
Of course it is, January 15th, 2 Oceans 13.
Of course it is. January 15th, 2 Oceans 13.
Since last I spoke, you listened after the Douglas Movies taping in Bellevue, Washington.
What does that say?
Oh, it says thanks again to everyone who came to the taping at Parlor Live.
That doesn't seem so hard to read.
So after the taping, I popped into the IMAX screen across the way, paid $16.75 for the privilege, just to watch the first nine minutes of the new Star Trek enter darkness.
Right?
That's what it's called?
I think so. and now I can't
wait to see the other 120 minutes good job Paramount and Star Trek and JJ
Abrams cuz you got me I want to see more of it I'm telling you is that good then
I watched few minutes of The Hobbit and and then I went, well, I could go home to sleep.
It's so serene.
I've seen it already, so seeing it again,
the beginning is like, there's so much serenity.
It's just ridiculous.
Everyone's just so, so happy and all Hobbit-y.
On Sunday, we did a Benson TV interruption
at CineFamily in Los Angeles.
And Karen Anderson, Matt Myra, and Zach Alfinakis
joined me to interrupt, you know,
what was on last Sunday.
And the next Potluck members-only TV interruption
is going to be on February 3rd.
And I'm just saying
it'll be a super television event
and it was
a lot of fun. So become a member
of CineFamily and bring a hot dish.
I saw
Promised Land today.
It's fracking
lame. No. It's
just kidding.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty fracking good.
Let me say that.
Am I right?
Okay.
Matt Damon, he's all right.
I'm such a good reviewer.
From the corrections department,
Denzel Washington has directed two movies,
Antoine Fisher and The Great Debaters Nick Casavetes
directed
Denzel and John Q
the one I thought he directed
and the second film where Cuba Gooding Jr.
is friends with a painter
is As Good As It Gets
I can't believe that
like a year apart, I'm going to be friends with a painter again
it's all working up to a radio
and it's
Captain Ron not Pirate Ron
is what I called it
I was full of mistakes in Washington State
yeah I wonder why
Saturday
Saturday we're doing
the third tournament of championships
at Meltdown Comics here in town
it's sold out so if you got tickets
good for you and
why did I bring it up?
Oh to tell you that
it's going to be available in the comedy album
section of iTunes
for $1.99 on or around
exactly one week
after we tape it.
So like around Saturday, January, whatever that is, 26th or something.
Then it'll be available for you to listen to.
So I'm going to tell everyone at the taping,
I'll tell you guys right now,
don't spoil who wins it.
Don't tweet right away.
Because that happens here on the Tuesday night show.
People tweet who won a Leonard Maltin game.
And I haven't gotten too much blowback for it but
if you're going to pay two bucks for it I think you'd want
the suspense of not knowing
because
it's going to be schedules
permitting Kate
McEuchie, Andy Wood and
John Hamm who are
all
savants at the game.
They're like fucking...
They are, I dare to say,
Sam the Man Levine and
Edgar Wright level.
And Paul F. Tompkins and Scott
Ackerman. There's a pretty good group there of guys.
Adam Scott.
Anyway, did you
hear the latest episode of Doug lists names
of people he knows?
He seemed very proud of himself.
He's like, listen to me, I can name people I know.
Pot does not hurt your... Whatever that is.
Doesn't hurt your call it what you will.
And Sacramento, come see me.
I'm going to do
stand up with a touch
of the Leonard Maltin game
at the end
on Sunday
this Sunday
at 7 o'clock
and then a Doug Loves Movies
taping on Monday
at 4.20
and those are both
at the Punchline
in Sacramento
spend MLK day
with DLM
what's in the prize bag you guys let's find out right now on the table we have a poster day with DLM.
What's in the prize bag, you guys?
Let's find out right now.
On the table, we have a poster,
a motion picture poster,
and I'll show you that when that person gets out here.
Somebody brought a t-shirt that says,
I want to make sure I say this right, I think,
because I screwed it up backstage.
It says on it,
overrated-o-head. overrated-o-head.
Overrated-o-head.
Overrated-o-head.
So it's, as Dave Shumka said on the last episode, it's a little sweaty.
And we've also got, it's not very funny, but it's got my logo on it.
Doug Loves Movies T-shirt.
And I've got to take this out of the bag.
This is something for a little later.
And then I threw into
here, because you know I love to give away stuff
that the movie studios send me
this time of year. I've got
the
screenplays of
Silver Linings Playbook and The Master.
So yeah, read
both of those and go to sleep and have the worst dreams you've ever had.
God damn it.
I mean, I appreciate the artistry and the acting
and a lot of the things about both of those movies,
but both of those movies had me saying the whole time,
these people are making me insane.
This is not, I don't like this.
It's pretty good, though and uh i can recognize that like i
love les miserables and i know it's fucking terrible i mean parts of it are terrible i i
love i love hate it so much uh and also a copy of doug benson's mug life let's get let's get
the guests out here especially because one of them might not be here yet, and that's always exciting.
Maybe the move to 7 o'clock is not going to work out.
But please, hopefully, help me in welcoming Jonah Ray, Chris Evans, and Martin Starr. So maybe that's like
going to be the thing.
He made it.
He came through the trick door.
Like a Three's Company episode.
Oh, that was...
I shouldn't have even
started to say anything.
It just could have been
like a really long applause.
And he totally made it.
He squeaked in, Jack Bauer style.
Chatting it up with no microphone.
Here, grab that right there.
That's Martin Starr, everybody.
How are you?
Chilling in.
It's your third time on the show now.
I know, I'm so bad at this game,
I can't believe you keep inviting me back.
I was going to ask you,
because you sometimes don't seem like you're having that much fun,
but that's just your face, right?
Yes.
Yeah, and that too, the monosyllabic answers,
which I am so not used to on this show.
I think you probably have the record.
You've probably said the least amount
of things. I've been on the most.
At the same time, yeah.
Well, I mean, some weeks he doesn't say anything. He just sits
there, so we don't even mention that you're there.
What'd you bring for the prize bag,
my good man?
I'll throw it in there.
A copy of Superbad.
It's signed by Evan Goldberg
and his brother
David Goldberg
who drew all the penises in the movie.
Yeah, and then there's
one. The star. He's the star
of the movie. Yes, he is the penis of the movie.
And he drew one on there.
Or I will
read you one page from my
current love communion, a book by Whitley Stryber. one on there. Or I will read you one page from my current
love, communion,
a book by Whitley Stryber.
You'll just read a page of that
to a person?
I think this is probably easier for them to...
Well, they could just pick their favorite page.
Correct.
Correct, they could.
They'd have to really know that book I can't name my only
favorite page is probably page one of Moby Dick that's a different call me Ishmael that's the
entire first page of what we did no but you know I mean that's just a huge spot that's the only word
I know exactly where they occur in a book yeah that that's why I went to that. I like to show off, you know, my brain thingy.
You brought the, that's Jonah Ray, everybody.
And he brought.
Ow!
Thank you.
He brought a radio-hated, over-hated, overheated.
It says over-rated D.O. Head.
Over-rated D.O. Head.
Yes.
Over-rated D.O. Head.
And you were saying backstage, you like Radiohead.
They're fine.
No, they're fine.
The fanfare is what I don't like.
It's just a bit much.
And Chris Evans.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
No, put it in right now.
Let's see what happens.
I like that band Fun.
That band Fun sucks so bad and everyone's up on their shit like they're the new queen.
They could go fuck themselves.
Alright, we got somewhere.
Now stop it!
Why are you still going?
Because that band is the opposite of their name.
Okay, that was worth it.
They have a period in it to make it more pretentious.
I keep screwing up.
I should just wait until you put the beer in your mouth.
I can keep going.
You just shoot me.
That's why I don done. Oh, no.
That's why I don't have Jeff Dunham on.
I need somebody that can drink and talk at the same time.
Do bands ever do commentary on their CDs?
Oh, that would be... That would be a good first thing to do.
Submit your commentary on the fun CD.
Right when it starts off, you hear me go, ugh.
Wait, you're going to do it from the toilet?
Yeah.
Here we go.
What is this?
Is this a fucking newsy soundtrack?
Woo, this is
no fun.
Woo.
It's a lot of that kind of stuff.
I make a lot of noise when I, you know.
You sound like an exasperated southern lady.
Oh!
You know, I try to make it like a, you know,
end of the month clearance event or something.
Here's a poster.
Chris Evans is here, everybody.
Hey!
Yeah.
I think you're so narcissistic.
Am I the only one that brought something, like, of me? Everyone else is like, this is other talented people. I'm like, so narcissistic. Am I the only one that brought something of me?
Everyone else is like, this is other talented people.
I'm like, me.
No, that makes for a good mix.
But you signed it, so I think the winner's going to be very happy with that.
Look right there.
There's somebody with you on their chest.
Do you come to these a lot?
All the time. Have I ever talked to you
I cannot
believe you haven't caught my eye before
that this is the first time I'm noticing you
because you're special my friend
it's probably the shirt
because you look extra
heroic
it's a very heroic shirt but it's probably because you look extra, you know. Heroic. Heroic shirt.
It's a very heroic shirt.
But it's also white, and everyone else over there is dressed for the season.
So, thank you for bringing the poster.
Doug loves fashion.
I do.
Ooh.
I write about that from the toilet as well.
I write about that from the toilet as well.
But Chris is here for the second time.
I lost last time, didn't I?
Well, see, you're the kind of guy that looks at it that way.
I look at it more as you were a complete embarrassment.
No, you play the, you know, it's a silly game.
There's no stakes. It doesn't matter who wins. I mean, you know, it'd be great
if Captain America got his shit
together
and won one, you know, for America.
Who are you
guys playing for? Who are you playing for, Jonah?
Which country? Afghanistan.
See, so you already have an
ready-made nemesis.
Sorry, bro.
You already know how to tear into your competitors.
Do you remember what you said to the esteemed Leonard Maltin?
No, what did I say?
You said, name it, bitch.
Sounds about right.
I had about 90 of these backstage.
And we weren't even playing the game.
He was talking about his daughter, so...
It was...
Did you tell her?
I can't believe you're going to be in Captain America 2,
to be honest with you.
I think that the PR disaster that you created for yourself.
No, it was a lot of fun,
and I'm glad that you wanted to do it again.
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
So let's just get it out of the way
is there anything that you want to say
about Captain America 2
that will get your publicist in the studio
mad at you when they find out that you said it
I know right
yeah let's press conference this shit
and after that we're moving on to
gun control
I almost said
gun control because that's an issue
as well.
You know the gun,
you know like
when somebody has a...
Yeah, yeah.
I thought you were
talking about
the little thing
in the end of the gun,
the gun.
I thought you were
talking about
gun control,
which is going to be
an issue in the next
Star Wars movie.
Oppa Gangnam Style.
Do you have anything to spoil?
I'm not spoiled Would you believe that
I don't even have a script yet?
We started shooting in two months
And they haven't given me a script
That's how Marvel works
Same director?
No, different directors
It's the Russo brothers
I don't know if anyone knows
Wait, they direct Community
Yeah, yeah
So it makes perfect sense
Community
Superhero action movie
Yeah
But you can't fault Marvel
But is Captain America
Going to be now Captain America
Or are we going to go
I guess it's now right
Yeah yeah
Modern day
Cameos by the others
Yeah there'll be some
Okay
Alright
How you feeling bro
That's going to get me in trouble
We'll get a few more beers than you
And I'll ask you again
Later in the show
What do you got going on Martin Are you going to Sundance in trouble. We'll get a few more beers than you and I'll ask you again later in the show.
What do you got going on, Martin? Are you going to Sundance?
I don't know yet.
Maybe? I might go.
For fun?
You have a project there?
What's that? It's called The Lifeguard.
You're the title character? Yeah. What's that? It's called The Lifeguard. You're the title character?
Nope.
Shocking.
I love it, too.
When you genuinely laugh at something,
I say you move the microphone away
so everyone listening thinks you're just sitting there glaring at me.
I prefer it that way.
It works man
People are like
That guy was intense
I still don't know
Are you a freak or a geek?
Such a fine line
Between the two
You don't have to answer that
You're giving me the
I don't want to answer that
But what's the lifeguard?
Is there a...
Who else is in it?
Kristen Bell and Mamie Gummer.
Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah.
I'm proud to have been a part of it.
And it's...
Like, are they gonna...
Is it being...
They're gonna try to sell it at Sundance?
Or is it already gonna...
No, they just wanna hold on to it.
We just wanted to make it and not sell it.
That's our big game plan.
Do they only... Every movie at Sundance has not been bought yet? Is that the idea? That's not it. That's our big game plan. Do they only...
Every movie at Sundance has not been bought yet?
Is that the idea?
That's not true.
A lot of them premiere there.
It's basically mini Hollywood.
Yeah, but in a setting where everyone can wear their fancy winter outfits.
Correct, yes.
A lot of fur.
Traips around in fake fur, I imagine most of it is.
A lot of real fur.
Really?
Yeah.
All right, well, I do not care for that.
You could cut this tension with a
shield.
What else did you have loaded up? It sounded like you
changed words at the last minute.
Where was that
going to go at first? It was supposed to be
shield, but I forgot how to say it.
Because I've been sick for a week.
Oh, yeah, I was going to ask you about that.
Are you better?
Almost.
Okay, good.
So I thought I'd come out in public just to make sure.
Just get it all into that microphone.
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
For the next person.
I always forget how disgusting microphones are,
and I don't put them on my mouth
but I still probably get too close.
Good story.
You guys been to the cinema lately?
Jonah, have you seen anything?
I watched John Dies at the End
which is on demand right now.
It's based off of a book.
Spoiler alert.
John Dies at the beginning.
Okay.
It's like American Beauty or something like that, right?
Yeah.
It's good.
It's a good movie.
I watched Martin's recent movie, Save the Date,
written by a really good comic book artist.
Another person in here watched it.
Yeah.
Someone watch it?
It's available on demand.
Yes.
That's where you can watch Save the Date? Yeah. It's watched it, it's available on demand. Yes. That's where you can watch
Save the Date?
Yeah.
It's a pay-per-view movie.
You can watch it
like an event.
Like it's WrestleMania.
You could make
your own event.
There's a couple
of good actresses
in that, right?
Lizzie Kaplan.
Correct.
Alison Brie.
Alison Brie.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a good movie.
That's solid.
But it's written
by a very good
comic book artist,
this guy,
Jeffery Brown,
who's done Clumsy and Every Girl's the End of the World to me.
He's a really good guy.
It's a good movie.
All right, check it out, On Demand.
None of us had anything to do with it.
Martin was in it.
Save the date.
Oh, he's in it.
Got it confused with Superbad for a second there.
At which point did you zone out during that conversation?
I was there the whole time.
Just at the end, I forgot it was you
because you talk so much.
It throws me off.
It throws me off my game.
But I want to ask Chris if he's seen any movies lately.
Have you seen any movies lately?
I just saw Les Mis, and I really liked it.
I really liked it.
I was pretty weepy.
I loved that play
and I thought
they did a really good job.
Is that not cool to say?
I don't like some cool
edgy movie.
I really like Les Mis.
If someone from Warner Brothers
doesn't bust in right now
and stop you,
because a lot of dudes
really don't,
they don't want to even
think about it.
They don't even like
knowing that it exists.
And that someone that they want to have sex with
is going to maybe make them go see it.
Because that's, most dudes that go, that's what they're,
are you going to see it, Martin?
I probably will see it.
I saw a really compelling advertisement for it
before the last Bond movie,
and that made me want to see it.
Apparently that's not a popular.
No, it's just, you know,
it's an easy movie
to make fun of
because some people,
you know,
don't have a heart.
Some people are born
without one
and they don't know
how to get to Oz.
Touche.
I saw it.
That new Oz thing
looks good to me.
Yeah, I saw it.
You know,
it's a beautiful movie.
It's really big.
They sing the entire time. That's not what I'm used to in a musical. I know, it's a beautiful movie. It's really big. They sing the entire time.
That's not what I'm used to
in a musical.
I know,
you gotta get past that
in the first ten minutes.
I was like,
what am I doing here?
They just keep singing
and there's no not singing.
I got mad when,
oh,
I got mad every time
they talked
because like,
I wanted more talking.
Sasha Baron Cohen
would cheat and throw words in.
I needed more of that.
I've never been there before.
I'm like,
shut up and sing.
Every album,
every album has track breaks. It's not fucking one continuous song. I've never been there before. I'm like, shut up and sing. Every album has track breaks.
It's not fucking one continuous song.
I got exhausted listening.
He's all like, don't worry, I'll get the lot.
We don't need to hear that.
I want it to stop down.
I want everyone to do that breathing thing.
And then I want that weird, awkward moment in every musical
where it's like, you can feel it coming
because everyone kind of situates themselves.
And they go,
well, I'll tell you how to do this thing.
And then the music starts.
I'll tell you how to take down the French government.
It's definitely got some weird, like
there's just moments where it just goes
from one thing to the next and doesn't give you
any of the standard issue
breathing room
that you'd get
in a musical
that does have dialogue.
Or an intermission.
It's a long fucking movie.
Oh yeah, no.
At the end of One More Day
there should be intermission
but instead
it's just like
cuts to the next morning
and they're marching
into battle
and you're kind of like
I wanted a little bit
more time to be happy
about how excited
they were
about going into battle
because now that
they're doing it
I'm thinking this is a bad idea. I'm thinking that this half of the movie is going to be happy about how excited they were about going into battle because now that they're doing it, I'm thinking this is a bad idea.
I'm thinking
that this half of the movie is going to be a bigger bummer
than the first half. You know where
the prostitute had her teeth pulled out and then
died? That part was kind
of a bummer. And then they have
to get worse. It has to get worse than that.
Something worse has to happen.
You guys just ruined the movie for a lot of people in here.
No, it happens immediately.
That's the first act.
Did you not see Anne Hathaway at the Golden Globes?
Her hair hasn't even grown back yet.
That's how hard they shaved it.
They must have had to do reshoots or something
because it must have been six months ago
they finished shooting that movie.
The real singing was cool
like the fact that they actually sang while shooting the movie
cool but doesn't make a difference
I mean
they could have totally pulled off a movie where you didn't know
whether they did that or they didn't
yeah that's true
it's got a lot more like
like you were saying
at one point like
Anne Hathaway like totally snot rockets while she's singing.
Yeah, it's gnarly.
It's crazy, though.
Take that back right there.
Russell Crowe was snot rocking out of his mouth the entire time.
Yeah.
Not as good as the rest.
Yes.
not as good as the rest.
Yes.
How,
how,
but did you see Sacha Baron Cohen
burn him on,
in his little presentation
on the Golden Globes?
On the GGs?
Yeah,
yeah,
Russell Crowe was in
the audience
so they didn't get
to get a shot of him
like glaring at him.
They should have just
showed another picture
of Tommy Lee Jones.
I know.
That was amazing.
That was when
Will Ferrell
and Kristen Wiig
just fucking saved that boring show
for a few minutes.
And then they talked to him like,
fuck this.
Fucking grumpy cat.
I am going to hunt them down.
Fugitive style.
Why didn't he just neuralize himself
to forget it happened?
Movies!
Yeah.
I could talk forever about the Golden Globes,
but Sacha Baron Cohen said about Russell Crowe,
oh, those four months of singing lessons
really didn't pan out or something like that.
Yeah.
Like, really mean.
They're in it together.
We're all in it together, Doug.
We are in a sense because it's
true that movie every nationality is fighting the french revolution especially the british and the
australians a couple americans yeah throwing their hat in the ring i don't think there's a single
french person that whole goddamn movie. Maybe there is.
Those mean ladies that throw her out
at the beginning.
Like, they're like,
she's too pretty.
That's going to be a problem.
Let's just,
she shouldn't work in,
she shouldn't be a seamstress.
They'll gang up on her
and throw her out.
I didn't understand why.
It didn't make any sense at all.
No.
It was weird.
So get ready for that, guys.
I don't need to see it anymore.
Dude, you do. It's 2 hours and 46 minutes of pure
Am I really watching this?
And are they really singing on the set?
Is Russell Crowe really about to fall off of that building?
There's a scene where he's singing and he's contemplating some shit
and like this is perfect this stage because this this lip is not very thick and he's singing i
hope that i don't die and he like fucking cruising along and they show a shot where he is gonna fall
to his death and he's just like, oh, in the moonlight
I am just walking. And his arms don't move.
His arms are like by his side the entire time.
Maybe they have weights in them. That's it.
That's how they did it.
But anyway, it's
just kind of weird.
I think we talked to everybody
about what they've seen. I think we can
all agree that Save the Date is the one to see.
No one's going to go see Les Mis now.
They should.
It's beautiful.
How beautiful.
Great movie.
Say that into the microphone.
They'll...
Great movie.
Movie.
Yeah.
I'm losing all credibility as a man.
It's the closest you'll ever get to an epic musical because
it's a really big story and they
rarely cut to a wide shot
it's always on everybody's faces
it's always like we're really singing
fucking look at it
alright well this is the part of the show
where I say let the games begin
gentlemen All right, well, this is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin.
Gentlemen, take a name tag from one of the citizens.
Bring up the lights. Take back this show, gentlemen.
Yeah, go pick a name tag of whoever you'd like to play for tonight.
Just go.
Well, you can go walk over there.
Just walk over there and physically grab it.
I'm going to walk out there.
Go amongst the people.
Go amongst the citizens.
The guy really went all out over here.
I've seen you before.
This isn't the first time.
You look different in the dark.
Yeah, get up, you guys.
Stand up.
Stand up. Stand up, you guys. Stand up. Is that a Capri Sun?
Stand up for your rights.
You don't have to
put your hand over your eyes. You can walk closer
to them and be able
to see exactly what's going on
out there.
And pick a name tag.
I'm taking Joe.
You're taking Joe?
So Chris is not even going to get up. That is a superhero play if I ever taking Joe. You're taking Joe? So Chris is not even going to get up.
That is a superhero play if I ever saw one.
The other name tag's on your...
Oh, that was weird.
No, no, it's...
It's one of the aliens from Mars Attacks.
It goes...
Oh, a bottle.
I don't know, man.
The captain is jealous.
There's a tree out there.
Someone handed it to me.
Diana did.
Use your microphone. Can we get some glasses please
From your class
Okay so
Martin found a girl who just has
Can we get a couple glasses
Excuse me thing
We'd rather get some glasses thing
Oh there you go
Is that for this guy
I know but I'm looking to see if you wrote a shit out of the back get some glasses thing. Oh, there you go. Hey, thanks. Is that for this guy?
Did you want one too?
No. I know, but I'm looking
to see if you wrote
a shit out of the back.
And you did.
And I'm now going to warn him.
Don't read this part out loud.
But this is just...
It's like a cut open brain.
I read it to everybody.
Oh, you did?
No, I haven't.
Okay, good.
I didn't think I heard you do that.
And yeah, don't read
the shit out of the back
of yours either
Captain
you have a Mars Attacks figure with Joe on it
I thought it was a Captain America figure
my new friend
let's all be clear
that's what happens when you stay in your seat
and
refuse to get up
that's the big secret everyone's going to learn
tonight is that you've been paralyzed.
FDR.
You rolled in there.
CGI, man.
And Jonah,
who are you playing for?
Diana.
She gave me a Corona.
And she wrote that on a Corona?
She wrote it on a Corona.
All right.
So this is a particularly
creative batch we've got.
Seems like a lot of
last minute bullshit.
You guys picked it.
Well, this guy had a fucking, what's that thing called?
The Pokeman?
He had a Pokemon?
A Pokeball.
A Pokeball.
See, I'm older than you.
I'm a Power Rangers guy.
Sorry, bro.
Generation gap.
I think he said he brought that, too.
What?
Oh, then you kept watching cartoons in the morning?
There's no reason to stop, man.
Let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
Do I have to fill this out?
Yeah, she wants you to finish her homework for her.
Show my work.
I was repeating what he said.
Talk into the mic.
Yeah, yeah.
That's to learn.
Yeah, get it into the microphone.
There's no reason to...
Just keep not using your microphone.
Just whisper it into my ears.
Are you holding it away from your face
because you don't want to get germs out of it?
You scared me about the germ thing, man.
Did I?
Yeah, kind of.
Well, just keep it close, but not...
Jonah was using that mic a minute ago.
Yeah, I was.
Coughing up a storm.
I like that scene in Captain America
where you lick the Tesseract.
I mean the Avengers, I'm sorry.
I mean Marvel's the Avengers.
Let's play and let's start with Jonah.
Samantha, we're going to lose.
I just want you to know that.
That's why we're coming to you third
on the first round, Martin,
so you can maybe pick up how it works.
We're going to play until someone has two points.
So it could be as many as four rounds.
Time permitting.
But Jonah Ray is going to choose
the first category. And your
options, Jonah, are
Dougloves Goonies.
That's movies that have actors from the Goonies in them.
Or, at Mayor of Fart Town suggested Alex Crossdresser.
And that's Madea movies.
And Tim Vargulish suggested No Time for Love, Dr. Jones
and
that's movies where Harrison Ford
doesn't have sex.
Okie dokie,
hang on to your potatoes.
I'm gonna go with
He no nuts
He crazy
What?
Sound like fortune cookie
I'm gonna go with
Doug loves goonies
Okay
Oh
Speak
That kid was a goonie as well
Was he or are you being racist?
Same guy, Dato.
Same guy?
Played by Ki Hai Kwan.
Okay.
Is that really his name?
Yeah, yeah.
Use your microphone when you're impressed with me.
Sorry, though.
He actually calls himself something different now, I think.
For whatever reason.
Okay, data short round.
I'll call the corrections department after this show
and I'll let you guys know.
Would you like a movie with a Goonie in it
from 2007 or 1993?
1993.
Yes, I know it.
All right, he thinks he already knows it.
So that's exciting. That's an interesting poker mouth you got there
Interesting strategy
He could be the drunken bluffer
So Jonah
This movie got three stars
From Mr. Malton
He calls it rock solid.
And he also says that the director and screenwriter had worked together previously.
And he names eight names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
Jonah from 1993 has a Goonie in it.
I think I got it in five.
Five names?
Okay, now we go to Chris Evans
who can bid anywhere from four to zero.
Three.
Negative names.
You say you can get it in three names.
So, Martin, you can go lower
or say name that movie.
Right, name that movie.
Oh, that was a fucking option?
Sweet.
You've been here before.
I know, I just didn't before name that movie bitch
would you have told
would you have
would you have told Jonah name that movie
if you'd known that was an option
no I just wanted to get indignant
about something
alright so you get three names
and they are Vince Vaughn.
Fuck.
Jason Miller and Jon Favreau.
And this is out of eight names.
Oh, Rudy.
Rudy.
Oh, is that how it works?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rudy.
That's how it works.
You win the round.
I got it, I got it.
That's how it works.
Because we're in America
It's let you win night
And so we're gonna give you a point for that
You're the Rudy of this game
Everyone's cheering for you
But you're not gonna to pull it off.
I'm going to send you back to the bench.
Are you going to carry me off on your shoulders?
Does he play one play, ultimately?
I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't.
You haven't seen Rudy.
How many plays did Radio
play?
Oh, I don't even remember. Did he get on the field?
Did they?
At the halftime show.
He was the halftime show?
Holy shit.
Oh, because he was good at kicking field goals or something?
He entertained people.
Okay.
That's enough of an explanation.
That's probably the description of the movie.
A young man named Radio entertains people.
Says it when you watch it on cable.
So Rudy, I just want to be clear
that Rudy, he does
play one play?
No, I think he plays multiple plays, but he does
sack the quarterback. He sacks the quarterback.
So that's when they lift him up, or they
lift him up when they win, ultimately? They win,
ultimately, but no other player from Notre Dame
has been carried off the field since then I'm glad you knew about
that that's that's fun to learn about and since you got the point and you were
challenged by Martin Jonah was out of that and so we'll start back with Jonah
again okay but this time we're coming to you next, Martin.
So be ready.
Jonah gets to pick the category between
In Theaters, Hey Now,
which is the films of Gary Shandling
or Jeffrey Tambor.
Asparagus P category.
Asparagus P is where I read
the entire review.
So everyone will pretty much know what the movie is unless
they're Pete Holmes and it's The Devil Wears Prada.
I will drink your milk.
What was I even
talking about? I've lost interest
in it. We'll read the entire
review and then the bidding begins. Then it becomes
a game of who can remember
the names of the actors
from the top of the list.
So it's, you know.
Fellas, you into it?
It's an advanced category.
You into that, fellas?
No, don't ask them.
Okay.
I'm not paying attention.
Shit.
Yeah, I'm going to have
to explain it all again.
Just tell me
where you're going.
Let's do a...
And here's the third one
that might be very enticing
to you just because
it's never been done before.
You look excited.
This is, Leonard has this new book called the, it's the second edition of the Classic Movie Guide.
And this is where he takes, it's all movies that he thinks are classics.
The entire book.
So you know that's a clue.
And I'm going to pick a movie at random.
And then play using the book old school style
because the book is still presented in the same way
as the app and the other book.
What was the first one?
It's been a while.
It has been a while.
Madea movies.
It was all Madea movies.
No, no, that wasn't.
Because that would be in classics.
You guys dodged that bullet already.
No, it was In Theaters Hey Now.
It might come up again.
Let's do In Theaters Hey Now.
Okay, so I brought this book down here. I was all excited.
Okay, let's do fucking the classics.
I'm just kidding.
No, you get to decide.
No, no, let's do the classics.
It's your decision and you blew it.
Okay, here we go.
This has Gary Shandling or Jeffrey Tambor in it.
Okay.
See, I'm happy you picked that because it's easier to explain to everybody.
Yeah.
Because I did have to explain it again, probably.
Can we look at our phones too?
Yeah, the game is whoever can look it up the quickest.
Okay.
On their device.
Two stars from Leonard for this movie.
You know, I can agree with that, I think,
from my recollection of having watched it.
Okay, all right.
He calls the movie See Me.
Yeah, yeah.
S-E-A-M-Y, See Me.
And he also says that...
As it goes along, it becomes more realistic and less funny.
More realistic and less funny.
And I say the year already, 1998, two stars, and Leonard lists seven names.
Jonah Ray starts the bidding.
Zero names. Ray starts the bidding.
Zero names.
Oh, so this is his way of saying that he might know it.
So you can go
negative names if you think you know it as well.
But if you don't even know what movie
it is, then you should probably just ask Jonah
to name it and hope that he fails.
That's a good strategy, yes. Thank you.
Okay, that's what you're going to do?
I don't know yet.
Okay.
Think about it. You have those seconds where I was, yes. Thank you. Okay. That's what you're going to do? I don't know yet. Okay. Think about it.
You have those seconds where I was explaining it all to you.
Okay. Name it, bitch.
Okay. Seriously, let's not make that a trend.
Whatever you say, bitch.
Oh, no.
I'm going to get so much hate tweets from ladies.
Bitches.
Your show hates women.
Seven names is the thing.
You said zero.
Martin says name it.
Bitch.
Bitch.
And I'll say, what planet are you from?
Is that it?
No, he's just asking me a question.
That's a terrific guess, but Martin gets a point because he answers Hurley Burley.
What the fuck is that?
Hurley Burley.
I did.
I said Hurley Burley.
Was it Jeffrey Tambor?
I said it was Hurley Burley.
No, Gary Shanley.
Really?
And Hurley Burley was Sean Penn, Kevin Spacey,
Robin Wright,
Chaz Palminteri,
Meg Ryan,
and Anna Paquin.
Nobody you'd know
or follow in any way.
Shut the fuck up, Doug.
Yeah.
No, it was that
kind of weird to watch.
That's a pretty accurate
description.
After a while,
it just looks like
you're watching a bunch of,
because it's about show business
and they're in this one house most of the time. Well, you probably recognized a while, it just looks like you're watching a bunch of... Because it's about show business and they're in this one house. I love that movie.
They're in this one house most of the time.
You probably recognized a lot of...
Yeah, right? It's a great movie.
Samantha, we have a shot.
Yeah, yeah. So, Martin has
a point.
So, this will be really
exciting if Jonah
scores in the next round.
And shows all these
bitches what he's made of.
So what
happened there? Martin challenged
Jonah, and Chris was out of it. So Chris, you get
to select,
and then we go to Martin.
And you get to
choose between these categories.
Is it me? My choice? Chris is going to
choose, but then it's coming to you.
Okay.
Chris, are you on your phone?
Oh, okay, good.
You're just doing something with your hands down under the table.
He's tweeting about how little fun he's having.
I'd rather listen to the band fun than sit here.
I like them.
You don't like them, Jonah?
Mm-mm.
Okay.
I was wrong.
Django All The Way.
That's films where Jamie Foxx has sex.
M. Wilicki, M-E-I-L-I-K-I
on Twitter
M. Willicki
wrote
Happy Flu Year
and that's
movies that have
a disease outbreak
in them
or
also
to go with this season
Jose Chavez Jr.
on Twitter
suggested
Streep Throat
which is films
where Meryl Streep
has an accent.
Jesus.
Yeah, good one.
Good one, Jose.
I'll do the Jamie Foxx one.
Okay, Jamie Foxx.
Doesn't he have to say it, though?
Django all the way though Django all the way
Django all the way
alright
now
thank you Martin
now we can proceed
okay great
I just want to get the rules right
you were that kid in the class
oh my god
but
but
but
doing it ironically
so it was really
confusing to everybody
you're
you're making fun of people
that do that
oh yeah that's not all those bitches that's not oh no really confusing to everybody. You're making fun of people that do that. Oh, yeah. All those
bitches. Oh, no.
Three stars from Leonard
Maltin for this movie that
has Jamie Foxx having
sex in it. The year
is 2004.
And
Leonard calls this a remarkable
story.
And he also says about it that it's a tough one to pick something up without giving it.
It won two Oscars.
I like to keep the clues terrible.
And Leonard lists 14 names.
I can get it in three.
All right.
That's a bold bid, Martin.
What are you going to do with that?
You can go two, one, zero.
What are my other options?
Name it.
Ask him to name it.
Name it. Comma to name it. Name it.
Comma.
Bitch.
Say it.
Yeah, okay.
Do you want to... I was just asking you a question.
Is that my other option?
That's your other option, yes.
Name it, bitch.
Bitch!
Just wanted to say it again.
I have to name it?
Bitch!
I don't get the three names?
I'm going to tell you the three names.
Okay, okay, okay.
But I don't get the three names I'm going to tell you the three names but I don't
but just let me ask
do you understand that if you'd have said
14 names
that chances are you wouldn't have said
I feel like I can do it in three names, two Oscars
that's a big clue, I should be able to figure this out
okay, okay, I like it
I like it, I like it.
I mean, I was here when you didn't understand stuff, right?
Are you gaslighting me?
Okay, only old ladies in the audience would understand what the fuck that means.
Okay, Kathy Griffin sent it to me once.
You accused me of gaslighting her.
Okay, I know, right?
That's what I said.
Your three names are David Krumholz,
C.J. Sanders,
and the great Richard Schiff
are your three names.
Chewed in half by dinosaurs in Jurassic Park The Lost World.
If you don't know who Richard Schiff is.
The year is 2004.
Jamie Foxx has sex.
Three stars from Leonard.
Remarkable story.
Won two Oscars.
What's the release date on Captain America?
The Forbidden Oil He's thinking
The long journey
What's the subtitle part going to be called?
Give him a minute
Captain America
Come on, have a heart, man
Let's do this again, America
Jesus Christ
I got nothing
I got nothing
Nothing? Not even a guess?
Of a movie that has Jamie Foxx in it?
Ray.
Is it Ray?
That's correct.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, I love it.
What a twist.
I love that.
I love when that happens.
Like pulling teeth from the wind.
That's my new thing now is berating people into playing correctly and knowing stuff.
I'll fucking yell at you until you know it.
I am the drill instructor of game shows.
Is there a game show where you get yelled at?
That's going to be my thing, I think.
Am I winning?
The tired guy who won't stop yelling.
You just won.
You won the whole thing, buddy?
Yeah.
You did it.
It's you and me, Joe.
When you said three names, though, what did you have it narrowed down to then?
Microphone.
I didn't think Ray was so long ago.
I mean, that was my initial hunch, but then I was like 2004.
Yeah, I wouldn't know. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, that was my initial hunch, but then I was in 2004.
Is that right?
Yeah, I felt like...
What came before me?
It was collateral before Ray?
Same year?
It was like Ray, Life of a Miner, Citizen,
Django Unchained.
That's in my mind.
What's the one...
Leonard Maltin only gave it three stars?
Yeah, he only gave it three stars.
Well, what the fuck?
I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?
That's part of what throws people off.
It's a fantastic film.
Sometimes Leonard doesn't agree with you.
Horrible reviews.
I got it.
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, Leonard, bitch.
He listens to this with his daughter.
This is what happens when you get me drunk.
Are you going to drink this or what?
You can have it.
Sorry, I'm just a guy.
No, you can have it.
We can have it together.
It could be our beer.
They don't got this to do. you can have it sorry I'm no you can have it we can have it together it could be our beer you guys are really connecting we're really having a good time
me and best friend
it is a lot of fun
period
what?
period
bitch
here you go Joe
congratulations
nice work do you want your Here you go, Joe. Congratulations.
Nice work.
Do you want your... back?
Do you want this guy back?
You need the tag, though.
Oh, yeah, I need the tag for the end of the show.
There you go.
Diana didn't write any shithead on this.
Oh, okay.
So, Diana, if you could please come up here
and jot down on this piece of paper that I cleverly bring every week so we can do that.
And you can write it down on one of those.
See those lines right there?
Almost like you're putting your signature in there.
But name anybody you want for me to call a shithead.
Joe's got a pretty good one.
And then Samantha will get
hers as well.
Oh, shit! Good thing I put
that lid back on.
Crisis averted.
Doug Benson is a shithead.
I'm a looper, but I only
protect myself from myself.
That's a great idea.
Yeah.
A stoned looper.
So he goes back in time
to make it so he's
less clumsy?
Yeah, he just goes back
like when he colossal
fuck-ups in his life,
he has to go back
and straighten him out.
But when he goes back
to straighten it out,
he doesn't know,
he doesn't remember
what it was he was
supposed to fix.
So he has sex with her again and she gets pregnant again. Is Looper really good? I keep back to straighten it out, he doesn't remember what it was he was supposed to fix. So he has sex with her again, and she gets pregnant again.
Is Looper really good?
I keep wanting to watch it.
Is it really good?
Every time I'm like, I should watch Looper.
I'm always like, meh.
No, I watched it the other day.
I put it off for a while.
Do you have problems with time travel movies?
No, I'm okay with them.
Oh, then you'll like it.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good.
Is it better than Time Cop?
All right, let's do a Watch This, Not That
with Time Cop and Looper.
Is someone talking shit about Time Cop in this theater?
Because I don't approve.
That's a great fucking movie.
Jean-Claude Van Damme, he's a treat
because he's not terrible,
but he is unintentionally funny on occasion.
Yeah.
Especially when John Woo is directing him.
He does those splits.
So it's kind of fun.
But then Looper is more like it's kind of fun. But then Looper
is a little...
Looper's more like...
It's more of a real movie
that's actually good.
Yeah.
And...
Time Cop is fun
on its own terms.
Does he kick over
a bamboo tree?
Looper's made by
a really smart person
who's going to keep
making really interesting
things, I think.
Yeah.
My opinion.
Same guy that made Brick.
That's right.
Very good movie.
And the Brothers Bloom.
I can do this all night, Ray.
Hey, Ray.
Yeah.
Hey.
How come you didn't get to say that?
But yeah, he has a lot of sex in that movie.
Maybe that's what Leonard thought was remarkable.
How much action that blind dude was getting.
Do you guys have anything you want to plug real quick?
We're eight minutes over.
Don't concern yourself with that.
You can still plug something.
Save the date is on demand.
What else?
Plug something.
No, says Captain America.
Captain America 2
coming to a theater near you.
Throws down his shield.
But seriously, pick up the microphone again.
Where the fuck was your shield when you were eating that shawarma?
Bitch.
Do you know what we did for that scene?
Have you seen?
You told that story last time when you were drunk.
Oh.
Isn't that so funny? The second I started
It's a great story
You had that beard
On your face
And you had to cover it up
And you had your head
In your hands the whole time
That's right
That hasn't happened
In this timeline yet
It's a great story
It killed
Go back and listen
To that episode
It killed
Did we kill it?
People love that story
They love that story
The rest of the time
You didn't make any sense at all
I didn't do much
You nailed that story And I didn't win that sense at all. I didn't do much.
You nailed that story.
And I didn't win that time?
I don't remember.
Did he?
You did.
I won.
I'm two for two.
Yeah.
He paid close attention.
And you did that same thing where you don't know it, don't know it, don't know it, don't know it.
Rudy!
Don't know it, don't know it, don't know it, don't know it.
Ray!
I thought it was going to be Toy Soldiers.
What year did Toy Soldiers come out? I don't know, and we don't have time.
No, you were talking a lot of shit, but you know this game.
Does anyone know when Toy Soldiers came out?
No, I'm terrible with years.
Toy Story, the first Toy Story?
That's early 90s.
That's Sean Astin.
I thought that was going to be...
What happened?
What happened?
Jamie Foxx had sex in the first Toy Story?
Yeah.
Oh, Toy Soldiers.
Soldiers. My first question about the Goonies. Sean Astin. first toy story? Yeah. Oh, toy soldiers. Soldier.
My first question
about the Goonies.
Sean Astin.
Small soldiers.
Negative.
Toy.
There was toy.
Soldier.
The toy.
Sean Astin.
Toys.
Toys.
Small soldiers.
And small soldiers
was Joe Dante
and I thought
it was kind of fun.
Right?
What do you mean I don't know what I'm talking about?
Toy Soldiers is Sean Astin
They take the school hostage
It's a great fucking movie
And it was 93
Let's find out right now
Oh, Dead Soldier Society
Look it up If this is 93 Oh, Dead Soldier Society.
Look it up.
If this is 93... 91.
Close fucking enough.
Yeah, that's super impressive.
I'm still looking it up.
Sean Astin.
And it was a school hostage situation?
It's a great movie.
Who's saying Toy Soldiers?
Timely as today's headlines. Oh, man. And who's the guy who plays Sean Astin's buddy? It's a great movie. Who's Santorini Soldiers? Timely as today's headlines.
Oh, man.
And who's the guy who plays Sean Astin's buddy?
He was on Sea Quest.
I'll tell you in a second.
Jonathan Brandes?
Just give me a second.
No, no, no.
Will Wheaton?
No.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
Keith Cooke.
And he was also in...
Coo-Coo-Ca-Choo.
No, no, he was on Star Trek.
He was also in Adventures in Babysitting.
He was on Star Trek. Will Wheaton was on Star Trek.
Will Wheaton.
That's who's in it.
That's what I said first.
Sean Astin.
You just sat there watching me go,
Koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, koo, k did. It's a quality film. I was, you know, kind of, I knew Sean Astin for a period of time.
Like, saw him around on occasion.
When he was shooting 50 First Dates?
No, didn't they do that?
That's in Hawaii, right?
I think so, yeah. Yeah.
Where are you from?
I saw The Descendants again recently, and I had a deeper appreciation of it
because of me?
no just seeing it again
the first time I saw it
I thought it was going to be funnier than it was
so I wasn't prepared
and it kind of bothered me
and when I saw it again I was like
it's still very well done
I felt the same way about Martin's movie Adventureland
you know he's sitting right there, right?
Hey, guys.
No, I thought it was
going to be like
this comedy
and midway through
I was like,
this is a lot more serious
than I thought it was
going to be
and I had to go see it again
with the proper mindset.
Well, it's a great
cable FX movie.
I can just have it on
and it's great.
It's really great.
But like I said earlier incorrectly,
this time I'm right. None of us had anything
to do with that movie.
Him again? This is bullshit.
Sorry, I just said Mark.
That's why I keep
bringing it up. I'm trying to become his best friend.
Last to arrive, first to leave.
Chris doesn't
have any plugs. He's got a microphone
behind the curtain.
Joni, do you have anything to plug?
I have a podcast myself called Jonah Radio.
And
if you're in Boston
at the end of February,
I'll be taping my Comedy Central half-hour special.
Yeah.
Hey, you should come. I'll be in Boston at the end of February, I'll be taping my Comedy Central half hour special. Yeah. Hey, you should come. Best friend, Chris Evans.
At the end of February.
Hey, if you want to hang out with me and Chris Evans, we'll be at the
Boston Bean Bar
where we're drinking all the red
beers, beans,
Irish.
I'm going to be
interrupting Catwoman. Sorry to interrupt.
I'm interrupting Catwoman Saturday, January
26th and Anaconda Sunday
January 27th at 420 at the Roxy
Theater in San Francisco with different
special guests each day. So go to sketchfest.com
for deets and
tickets. Thank you to my guests, Joe Narae,
Chris Evans, Martin Starr.
Hang out for a second. I'm going to
take a picture of you while the
end title music plays.
End title music?
There's no titles.
The closing theme.
And as always,
Jodie Foster is a shithead.
She was...
That was fucking weird.
Her thing was really weird.
It was really weird.
It wasn't that weird.
It was a Lifetime Achievement Award.
You can fucking be weird if you want.
It's just interesting.
She knew she was going to win, so that was absolutely prepared and prompted.
She said some weird shit.
What happened?
She listed off things she's not going to do that I guess lesbians are supposed to do.
Well, that's what happened.
It was a lot about her privacy.
It was about how, like,
just stay out of my business.
Yeah, I'm out,
but I don't want to...
Why do I have to come out?
Well, she's weird.
She was being weird
because she was sitting next to
fucking Mel Gibson all night.
That'd make me weird.
Well, that was...
I'd be fucking talking nonsense, too.
And then they cut to him
and his jaw is on the ground.
Like, he doesn't understand
what's happening.
And they seem to be very close.
The rest of the time his jaw was up and to the
side the entire time.
The Beaver though, real good movie.
And as always,
the microbes on these microphones
is a shithead.
Hey wait, there's one more
dude!
They lost Chacown in the booth Hey, wait, there's one more, dude. They lost count in the booth.
Oh, wait, I'm not supposed
to do three of them.
I just...
Wait, wait, wait. I want to say it
anyway. I want to say it anyway.
It's such a good one.
That's why I have it in my hand.
I got so excited about it
because Joe picked such a good shithead.
Fun as a shithead.