Doug Loves Movies - Chris Porter, Matt Fernandez and Geoff Tate guest
Episode Date: November 3, 2015Live from the Tampa Improv, Doug welcomes comics Chris Porter, Matt Fernandez and Geoff Tate to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at htt...ps://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everybody, producer Ryan here.
After the audio issues with last year's show in Tampa,
we decided to give them another try this year.
And unfortunately, the audio quality is not up to our standards here at DLMHQ.
So apologies in advance.
The levels are off.
There's a slight buzz throughout.
But I wanted to give you the opportunity to listen if that kind of thing doesn't bother you.
The audio does get a little better about 15 minutes into the episode, if you can make it that far.
And fortunately, we're taping a new episode in Hollywood tomorrow night.
So there should be a new Doug Loves Movies with decent sound up sometime on Wednesday.
That said, if the audio quality isn't a big deal to you, please enjoy the show.
Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby sticky seeds, with 50 acid pop or kernels
in his teeth, there's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey everybody
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is my love for movies.
Coming to you once...
Somebody was still talking.
Somebody added more words to that.
Coming to you once again for the second time,
and hopefully a complete time,
hopefully the whole time,
from the Improv in Tampa, Florida!
You guys did it.
It's Saturday, October 31st, 2015.
Let me see your name tags.
And or costumes. Some people have see your name tags and or costumes.
Some people have costumes and name tags.
There's an incredible right there with an incredible costume and a name tag.
Dinner with Adam instead of dinner with Schmucks.
But what's your costume?
Zach Galifianakis when he's like a
hypnotist in that movie or something?
A mentalist and he wears a cape? You're nailing
it, dude.
That's amazing. We got a, what's your first
name? Carolyn in black instead of
men in black and she's got the whole outfit and a
neuralyzer that I'm hoping doubles as a pot smoking device. No such luck? Wow there's a lot
you guys are really into light-up signs here you really have a lot of extra
electrical flair here in Florida. Well good job to all of you just go that's a
big one over there I can't even see what's behind him.
Could barely make that one out.
Is that like a Saving Private Ryan poster?
Oh, no.
No country for old men.
And you changed it to no candy for old men?
That's a terrific message for Halloween.
I'm going to write that down real quick. Alright.
I got to do some plugs.
Tuesday, Douglas Movies returns to Meltdown Comics
in Hollywood, California.
Hollywood, California, not Hollywood, Florida.
I wouldn't go there for any reason. Wednesday night
I go to
Fort Lauderdale.
Wednesday night, November 4th at
Cinefamily in LA. I am hosting
the Benson movie
Interruption of Hancock.
Yeah.
I wish you guys could be there.
And then next weekend I'm
doing a couple of sets, one indoor and one outdoor
at Fun Fun Fun Fest
in Austin, Texas
Nashville, Houston, New York City, Raleigh
San Francisco, Seattle
Doug Loves Movies is coming to all those cities
go to DougLovesMovies.com
that's DougLovesMovies.com
I got a bag
full of prizes that I traveled all
this way with, so they're not too fancy. They're fancy enough, plus the guests all brought stuff.
You get a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt. I believe it's like a double XL. So if a lady wins,
she can wear it to bed. Or a man could wear it to bed. Anybody can wear it to bed. What you wear
to bed is your biz.
A t-shirt from my friends over at the Tuesday Snacks podcast.
I don't even know what's going on there.
Fucking weird little grape-eating weirdo.
And then I brought it from California.
Somebody gets a schmovie.
There it is in all of its glory.
This is the smaller version.
I used to carry around an even bigger version than that.
And then, oh, this is a cool thing somebody gave me.
It's a patch.
I just don't put patches on anything.
But it's greetings from Jamaica when I went on the 311
cruise last
February.
What is this?
This is a weird little hand somebody gave me.
Whatever the last city I was in, it was like,
here's something for you to have.
Weird little rubber hand.
Oh, and I brought some hemp wick,
which is a fun way to uh you light
that then you light your bowl or whatever with that instead of using a butane lighter which is
apparently is very bad for you and is probably why i have an awful hacking cough and finally
she's here in town tonight she's not going to be on this show I don't know why people were getting their hopes up that I somehow had fucking access to T Swizzle I could get
her to show up here when she's probably doing a soundcheck in a stadium right
now but I did bring from her world tour one of the I don't even know what to
call this it's got like it's like a bunch of pictures inside. It's like an album, but it's just pictures.
But it's commemorative of this particular tour.
Is anybody going to see her tonight?
You are?
All right.
Well, maybe I'll see you there.
Somebody's going to win all that stuff, plus a little bit more.
Please give a big, warm welcome to three hilarious dudes who've all been on
the show before. Matt Fernandez,
Chris Porter, and Jeff
Tate!
Thank you!
What up?
Hey, guys.
I love that the stage allows for people to just lay out their name tags.
There's some good ones.
You guys are getting a preview of the name tags that are up front anyway.
But there's a lot of good ones that you guys are going to have to choose from tonight let's hear it first for matt fernandez everybody local local phenom of of comedy here in florida
in this region yeah you're a phenom he's overselling it people around here love you
that's true if they see you they love you uh and they see you, they love you.
You were on my show the other night.
We played Last Man Stanton.
We had a lovely time.
Very fun.
Thanks for coming back.
And of course, you were in the episode where we did here where 20 minutes were lost when they plugged in the Ybor City Christmas tree.
And it caused a power surge.
Ruined Christmas forever. And it caused a power surge. Ruined Christmas forever.
Totally ruined. It was last November.
Which is about
Christmas tree lighting time. So I think we're
safe today. Unless
they have a Halloween tree out there that we
don't know about that they're
lighting on the day of. And what
did you bring for the prize bag, Matt?
I brought a bunch of stuff. One of my buddies is a comedian.
He made a documentary. It's called The Comeback comeback of cannabis it's all about uh the weed legalization
in colorado nice yeah i got a shirt to go with that too it's got a giant pot leaf on it perfect
my buddy uh he runs a t-shirt printing business in charlotte called ink floyd he made me a shirt
that has a picture of matthew mcconaughey on it with bloodshot eyes and it says Matthew McCinda high.
Pass those down for the bag and give a round of applause to Chris Porter, everybody.
What up? Headlining all weekend here at the Ybor City Improv.
And not a better weekend to do it than Halloween.
Yeah, that's got to be an interesting show tonight.
Absolutely.
I knew I'd be in good shape with a 4.30 in the afternoon start time
because you guys, you can all still go to parties after this
or you could just go home.
Say, fuck it.
I'm done for the night. I'm going to neuralize myself and go to parties after this or you could just go home say fuck it i'm done for the night i'm i'm gonna neuralize myself and go to sleep uh so yeah so uh nine o'clock tonight you guys if you're still
in the area come back and see chris porter i watched his show one of these nights that i've
been here and uh he's a hilarious dude and And you have a special on Netflix.
I do.
And I brought a vinyl copy of it.
Yeah.
And the vinyl is... Yeah, I love watching things on vinyl.
That's the purest way to watch things.
It looks the best on vinyl.
And it comes with a digital download card.
There you go.
And it's called Ugly and Angry. Yeah. go. And it's called Ugly and Angry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's your former hairstyle on the album cover.
That is my former hairstyle.
Some call it a Jewfro.
Who are these people on the back?
That's my family.
Those are the racists yelling out Jewfro.
That's, yeah, I thought I'd be cool and put my family on the back
And you would have thought I'd kick my sister in the dick
Because she did not like that picture
We'll pass it on over here and we'll throw it in the bag
It's the same size as the Tyler Swift thing
There you go
Tyler Swift
Tyler Swift, is that what I said?
He's my favorite.
That's the transsexual knockoff.
Or that's what she calls herself when she probably dresses up as a man on Halloween.
A little fake mustache and she's like, oh shit, shake it off.
And Jeff Tate's here you guys
hello hi everybody halloween is always very startling to me because i forget about it
and then just walking up here scared the shit out of me that guy dressed like
Just walking up here scared the shit out of me.
That guy dressed like Matrix, right?
No, not Matrix? Oh, yeah, that's never good.
The Terminator?
Oh, okay.
You're dressed like a fucking school shooter.
And then I have to look around and I'm scared,
but there's fucking Iron Man's over here,
so I think we'll be okay.
Yeah, one of the Incredibles are over here.
They could help. Is that what he is, be okay. Yeah, one of the Incredibles are over here. They could help.
Is that what he is, the Incredible?
Yeah.
He's the Incredible.
It's funny because he's so skinny.
It's like you're the little boy grown up.
You're not the dad.
You're not fat enough to be Craig T. Nelson.
What'd you bring for the bag, Jeff?
I brought the novelization of Men in Black 2.
She wants it so bad.
Yeah?
Yeah, Carolyn in black wants to win.
Oh, you're dressed up like a Men in Black person.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's a weird way to say it.
You're dressed like a Men in Black person.
I just thought you might be blind or something.
I'm sorry.
You could take the shades off though now.
Or do you like wearing them indoors like that?
And they're over other glasses.
It's like you're at a 3D movie.
Don't you hate that?
When you're at a 3D movie,
you have to put their dumb glasses over your dumb glasses.
You take those sunglasses off
and now you're just dressed like Paula Poundstone.
I also have Die Hard
with a Vengeance on DVD
and Blu-ray.
Very small clap for that one.
It's true. They're both in there.
Jeff Tate is no liar.
Is that why...
How come that got a bigger response?
Because they didn't believe me?
They were like, sure.
Thanks for the case.
Your neuralyzer just looks like
you have a dildo on your table.
Wait, is that a real neuralyzer just looks like you have a dildo on your table Wait is that a real neuralyzer?
Yes it's a real one Jeff How specific could it be?
Could you just take out like most of the 2000s?
Leave me the last couple weeks
But everything before that can go
They never do an explain in those movies
How much of their memory's gone.
Do they take away a month from those people
or just what they just saw?
It has a dial on it?
And they always adjust it?
They always seem to whip it out and just shoot them real fast.
I'm sure there's a quick setting.
Yeah.
I'm sure there is.
Well, you have to set it up first.
It's like that Domino's pizza chris writes men in black
fan fiction i guess tommy lee jones is like most of our run-ins most of our run-ins with aliens
last about 15 minutes so we'll put it on a 15 minute setting and we'll adjust accordingly
that is an awesome big lebowski john Goodman costume over there by the way I don't know what's going on with the guy sitting next to him
but I hope his name's
Donnie and you tell him to shut the fuck up
Lonnie, Donnie
Donnie, he was out of his element
that's right
okay so
thank you everyone for being here.
And it's kind of interesting doing a show on Halloween
because in the past we've done them,
but as the years go by,
I realize that if we just sit and talk about scary movies
and Halloween stuff,
everyone that's listening to this is going to hear it tomorrow
and it will no longer be Halloween
and people will be trying to move is going to hear it tomorrow. And it will no longer be Halloween.
People will be trying to move on to whatever with their lives.
So even though this is the Halloween show, I'm not going to emphasize Halloween too much.
Seem reasonable?
You guys are like, why are you even discussing this with us?
Just do your goddamn show. So Matt matt what was the last movie you saw
oh i went to the movies last week and then saw crimson peak and it don't see it ever
now why do you say that because it was boring or disgusting or a combination of the two boring and
predictable and all just full of white people
some people yeah i know i'm i feel the same way i'm so white i don't want to see it on the screen
i want to see other people depicted but yeah they are very pale i guess maybe everyone that was your
joke is how pale they are the 1800s there's no sun Yeah. But people out there loved it, right?
Yeah. See, there's a guy right there.
Look at him. He's a nice, normal person.
Not really, says
his wife. Who are you?
Who's she?
You don't know her?
My wife!
It's like pulling teeth
to get that one going.
How's the balcony doing?
There's even a guy with a name tag up there.
Or gal.
I can't see.
The lights are in my eyes.
Hey, lady.
Hey, lady guy.
You know, walking down the streets out here,
7th Street or whatever,
you don't know what anybody is you gotta really stare at people
you know like when i'm staring at some girl's butt she's like what are you looking at
just trying to discern if you're a man or not
trying to figure out how uncomfortable this boner should make me.
No one likes an uncomfortable boner.
They're the worst kind.
Alright, well, so
big thumbs down on Crimson Peak
from Matt. Are you a big fan of
Guillermo del Toro in general?
Hellboy was okay.
Pacific Rim?
Hellboy 2?
He should write comic books.
He shouldn't make movies.
Wow, it's great that the mics are taking turn going out.
They're all cutting out when we try to speak into them.
Chris, what was the last movie you saw?
I saw The Walk.
See, there goes his mic.
What's up with the mics, you guys?
Can we have all volume all the time?
I saw the...
This is weird.
Answer the question, Senator.
This is like...
It's like a press conference all of a sudden.
I feel like I'm being initiated into a frat.
Wait, what frat has microphones?
No, no.
In my scenario, they were dicks.
They're dicks.
Yeah.
Well, how badly do you want to be in the talking to
these dicks if you want to be a frat member this is when i left this is when i was like i don't
want to be a sig ep um yeah i saw the walk which you know hurry up and see it in the theater
because otherwise there's no fucking point there's no reason to watch it on your phone.
Yeah, because it was just,
I just wanted to,
I'm super scared of heights,
so I thought that would be a good way to just,
because I don't really dig horror movies,
that's my version of just being scared shitless
would be stranded on a wire
in between the fucking World Trade Center tower.
So I watched that in the
3d and the visuals were great but why fucking as a movie it was stupid
just because jgl's up on the fucking statueue of Liberty fucking narrating shit. Those scenes are weird.
That you could have covered with some context
and two lines of dialogue.
But no, he's up there going,
and then this happened.
Hello, I am French.
Oh, and that fucking accent.
We gave you this statue I'm standing in
that no one has attacked yet.
It's weird.
It's just, the whole experience is very strange.
Like, the visuals are amazing.
And, like, if you see it in IMAX 3D, it's, like, it's pretty trippy.
Like, you know, the height situation.
But his character is so confident in tightrope walking.
And it happened in history.
He did not fall off.
You know?
So the whole thing is like,
the suspense is more like,
how much more queasy am I going to get
over this guy's perfectly safe walk
between the towers?
You know, why do I have to feel so much agita?
And then at the end, you're like,
man, the cops need to shut the fuck up, man.
Not to blow it, but... Oh, because the cops are dicks at the end,'re like man the cops need to shut the fuck up man not to blow it but oh because the cops are dicks at the end you mean that's the big climax the cops are on both ends sorry to fuck
up the end but fucking spoiler alert shocker cops are assholes yeah so yeah and they're all just
screaming at this guy with the animal head on
did the earmuffs like I'm not hearing you,
but he covered his real ears
and not his animal head ears.
Did he try to make the Statue of Liberty walk
like at the end of Ghostbusters 2?
Wait, what do you mean try? That happened.
Oh, so there
is a reason to see the walk.
No, there's a reason to see Ghostbusters
2. Yeah.
It really happened in Ghostbusters 2,
Jeff.
Oh, were you watching? I thought you were talking about the walk.
Yeah, I think we were and then he made
a joke about Ghostbusters and then we were off
into Ghostbusters. Yeah, yeah, yeah., and then he made a joke about Ghostbusters, and then we were off into Ghostbusters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's called tangential.
Wow.
That sounds like a religion that would make my mom nervous.
What about you, Jeff?
Have you been to the cinema lately?
I have not been to the cinema because the last movie I saw was
Bone Tomahawk
and that is not out except for New York or
LA and it's on Amazon
no it's fucking super dope it's Kurt
Russell it's on Amazon
that's what I'm gonna start calling my deal
he watched it on Amazon
okay I just wanted to make
that point clear
because now you're gonna tell people that they should watch this movie.
Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, watch the movie.
This is going great.
Can we talk about this fucking The Walk for 20 minutes?
And everyone knows that guy didn't die.
I'm not going to tell you what happens in Bone Tomahawk.
But I will tell you cannibalistic cave dwellers.
You've told us a lot with those two words it's super violent or three areas and kurt russell's in it with his cool
tombstone mustache and then it's just gonna be his hateful eight mustache right yeah man he's his
kurt russell and his mustache having a big year it's just so weird that there's so few Westerns
and Kurt Russells in two
that are being released within weeks of each other,
or months, I should say.
But I'll see Kurt Russell in anything.
He's solid.
I met him once, and he dresses like that all the time.
He's a real dandy?
No, he was wearing a cowboy hat and boots.
I mean, we were in Aspen, so everybody was, but still.
You're describing how you were dressed also.
I saw Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn at a grocery store in Aspen once.
Yeah.
And I just yelled, the hell's coming with me?
And then my brother started laughing real hard, and we had to run away.
Wait, you were in Aspen and saw them?
Yep.
So they just lived there?
Yeah.
So that's why you both are running into them in Aspen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.
They just welcome you as you drive in.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, they're
greeters? They're Aspen greeters?
They just hang out at the front? We're
Goldie and Kurt. Welcome to our
wonderful land. Goldie comes out of a
wall. Like laughing
up here.
Damn, you went deep on that son well i thought i would just what was the first thing goldie hawn ever did i'll explain it she was great on laughing with it where they write
all the words on it all over her body sock sock it to me and stuff like that maybe not on her but
they should bring that back they've tried to bring laughing? Maybe not on her, but they should bring that back.
They've tried to bring laughing back.
Definitely not on her.
Didn't really fly.
Not now.
It's too late.
Not even Kate at this point, probably.
So don't see Crimson Peak.
See the walk if it's on a really big screen and you're not afraid of heights
or if you want to conquer your fear of heights
and see Bone Tomahawk right after you've had a nice meal on on amazon don't eat first that just sounds like something a frat guy
would call a blow job like i gave her the old bone tomahawk like hey you sure do know a lot
about frats for a guy who didn't want to go through the initiation. He did a lot of research and then decided it wasn't for him.
Before we came up here, I chose a theme.
Yeah?
I was a prat guy.
That's smart. A lot of people don't do that.
A lot of people don't figure out something
that they can drag through the mud for the entire show.
You know, our fraternity system is one of the best in the world
just to say the other point of view if there is such a thing who likes
fraternities none of us that's right
douchebag I didn't give him much time to answer didn't let you guys think about
it but nobody at least went, I love him!
It's a Saturday. Everybody that likes fraternities is watching college football
on some BW3 somewhere
being fucking boring.
Which is weird, because there is one right down the street.
I mean, it's great. You guys should eat there.
Or there's somewhere...
Do I have to be nice about it?
It is Halloween, Jeff,
so let's be fair to these former frat guys.
They're probably just
getting their roofies in order for tonight.
Trying to relive the glory days.
They're called Cosby Mints now.
Yes.
Never not drag Cosby's name into it when you're discussing roofying somebody.
It's the
legacy that he deserves. Hey man you got your pudding pops? God damn right I do.
Let's hit the bars. It just occurred to me that it never it never occurred to me
that the story involved Cosby going to bars and now that just that idea itself is fun the frat guy okay i think i misread that
you guys are having trouble following each other today
welcome to another episode of high and not high uh these two gentlemen to my left
so i'm the highest. There to my right are...
Oh, I saw a movie.
I've seen a lot of movies, actually.
I've been really cramming to get in 365 by the end of the year,
and I still have to see over 100 movies to get it done.
Yeah, wish me luck.
If I see two or more a day, I might get there. And so today I saw Truth with Cate Blanchett and Robert Redford
and a bunch of other actors I like.
Topher Grace is in there.
And they're all reenacting Dan Rather getting what led to his having to step down
as the evening news guy on CBS.
And Redford, as Dan Rather, at first you're like,
well, that's one famous guy playing another famous guy.
Is that going to work?
But then I was just like, after a few minutes,
I was just blown away by how Rather like Redford was,
but you're still looking at Robert Redford.
You know that's him.
Hey, shake it off.
You still know.
I think the home listeners are going to hear that huge clunk that just happened.
And they're just going to think I'm losing my mind talking about the truth.
It's just called truth.
But Redford's great in it,
and it's also just,
it's a really interesting story
because, you know,
it's kind of like
all the president's men kind of thing,
but if everyone turned out
to not believe Deep Throat
and Richard Nixon got to continue
to rule the land with an iron fist,
that doesn't happen at the end of this one.
Is Topher Grace, is that his real name?
Or is it Christopher and he's just being a dick?
Okay, first of all, he's a friend of mine,
Christopher Porter.
And, no, he's, I don't know, I forget.
I asked him, I think I've talked to him
about that very thing.
I cannot tell you the answer.
Oh, okay.
It's just a shorter version of that name.
But it's not Christopher.
He didn't just be like, everyone's Chris.
I'm going to be Topher.
Like, I'm going to take the end one.
Well, he might have not had that sort of attitude about it.
There's a chance he was just like you know what everyone's name is
chris already he's not really a friend of mine either though actually he's been on the show
before but yeah he's he seems like he's a very very nice fellow and i i think we talked about
it maybe we did i don't know i just i've always liked it because it just sets them apart. If you start talking about, hey, what about that guy Topher?
No one's like, which Topher are you referring to?
For some reason, he got it pretty exclusively.
Are there any other Topher's you've ever even heard of?
Topher Porter.
Yeah, there you go. Be the other Topher.
Yeah, get some of that tofer grace
there are enough reporters i should probably go tofer yeah why not there's there's a yeah
fuck it indeed because it's a part of the show where i said what's happening
wouldn't it be funny if i just after now i just started going by Topher like this was the turning point?
I kind of think it should be.
Or do like they do in the movie credits. You see it
all the time where the nicknames are in there.
So be Chris.
Curtis 50 Cent Jackson.
And then in parentheses
and in quotes, Topher
Porter.
That would be hilarious.
It just has half your name in quotes. Topher Porter. That would be hilarious. It's like an echo.
It just has half your name in quotes. I know.
Yeah, I'm going to start going by Doug
and then in quotes LAS Benson.
We can all do it, Matthew.
Matthew Thieu.
Matt Thieu.
That's cute. I like that. That's adorable. I like that, Thieu Matt Thieu That's cute, I like that, that's adorable
I like that, Thieu
And Jeff Re
Yes
Jeff is short for Jeffium
It's what?
It's short for Jeffium?
No, that's a joke
It's Jeff-tifer
So it'd be Jeff
Jeff-to-fer. Jeff-to-fer.
Tate.
Tate.
I like it.
All right, is that settled?
Well crafted.
Okay.
Thank you.
Moving on.
Let the games begin!
Gentlemen.
Are you stretching? I need you. He's getting ready to go grab a name tag
because each of you are going to go select
a name tag that you would like to play for
there's even some up in the balcony
and just physically grab the one you want to play for
and bring it back to your seat
Jeff's working the room
he's going to go deep go as deep as you have to although there are bring it back to your seat. Jeff's work in the room is going to go deep.
Go as deep as you have to, although there are a lot of good ones up front. They got here early.
There's no ad in this show, so I'm just going to talk us through this part.
There's a guy over there with one of the tiniest name tags I've ever seen.
It's just his work ID.
It's your work ID or something?
Ex-worker ID.
I like it.
Oh, it looks like Christopher got something musical.
Did you get something, Matt?
Oh, there it is.
Okay.
I couldn't see it over there.
And Jeff's got a real good one I'm
excited about all of these all right so Jeff is we're gonna have to talk about
Jeff's first because he decided that now is the time to do that he's putting his
face through a door and it says the Shannon yeah the Shannon it Yeah, the Shannon. It's like that. It's from that movie, The Shining.
Yeah, but why wouldn't it say here's
Shannon?
Oh, the Shannon, the
Shining. I get it.
That works too.
Shannon feels bad right now.
I thought I understood it. Now I'm a little
confused. This is from the end
when Jack Nicholson is like...
Yeah, there's no reason to spoil it.
I'm Johnny Carson, remember?
Yeah, he says...
Hey!
He says, here's...
I'm Johnny Carson.
Here's Johnny is the phrase.
Here's Johnny Carson.
Just Johnny.
Just Johnny.
Ah, just Johnny.
I wonder how...
Isn't that weird if you're Johnny Carson
and there's a scene in a movie where a guy's trying to kill his wife with an axe
and he's referencing you?
That'd be strange.
Yeah, Johnny Carson was probably at home going,
I don't use weapons.
Just my hands.
Bare hands.
I think that, oh, that was a good wife abuse joke?
Is that what you're doing?
No, that was a reference to the fact that Johnny Carson is just using his hands.
No, not that he's dead.
Really?
That's what that was?
A reference to how he uses his hands.
Does that make any sense at all?
Johnny Carson hit women.
Allegedly.
Right.
And then when I just said, is that an abuse joke?
Then you say, no, it isn't.
Are you okay today?
What the fuck is going on with you?
Answer the question.
Yeah, it's not a joke about abuse.
It's a joke about Johnny Carson being abusive.
I don't want to...
All right, I'm glad we cleared that up.
But great name tag, Shannon.
And great choice,ff jeff to for
christopher uh i i got a bit bamboozled i'm gonna be honest with it uh i chose it based on the movie
this is one of my favorites the band the last waltz martin scorsese directed it uh and martin and uh robbie robertson
wrote it while they were fucked up on cocaine they wrote it in like three days over a bender
and it's for scott waltz and from a distance it looked really cool and then as you got closer
you realize he didn't even tape the shit on it's just a piece of paper he was just holding it like that and a guitar
and then i grabbed it and then for the listeners the guitar is the important part i came up here
and you guys signs seem a little more well constructed is that a guitar hero guitar it's
not even a real guitar yeah you have you've had you haven't even described this thing that you're
saying you don't like i feel like this has like a i think on just monetary value you know he donated the most maybe i mean that's a well it's not what you are
you think you're gonna keep it and put it on ebay or something wasn't yeah yeah because i think that
gentleman will want that back okay yeah well just break smash it yeah but like if you're gonna go
after somebody for their shitty name tag chris no you should mention the fact that nowhere on his shitty name tag does it have his fucking name.
Oh, no.
It's written in pen.
Oh, he wrote it in pen in tiny letters on a mimeograph copy of the poster of the band's last waltz.
I told you I got bamboozled.
You got band boozled. You got band-boozled.
The band. You get it?
Boo-boozled. But
boo-boo-boozled.
I will
stay pat. I will play for
Scott Waltz, and I will
hope that it turns his life around.
So is his last name
Waltz? His name is, well, according to the written...
Is your last name Waltz, dude?
Oh, okay.
I take it all back.
Probably one of the top five name tags I've ever seen.
Is it really his name,
or does he just do everything in a weird time signature?
Not a lot of musicians in the house.
Who are you playing
for there,
Matthew? The Night of
the Losing Dead.
That's a nice one, yeah.
It's really wired. It looks like a bomb.
It does.
But other than that, it looks great. job yeah well don't don't read that okay
yeah somewhere on the back of your name tag is probably not written a shithead
oh she put a chocolate eyeball on the back i'm gonna totally eat that thank you
but if you lose at the end then we call i'll have to call that person a
a shithead. And there's
not one on the back of Shannon's either.
But that one's so finely constructed.
You don't want to ruin it by writing
a shithead on the back.
We got really impressive ones.
Yours looks like shit.
Well, you know, it's interesting.
It's interesting that, you know,
after being on the show a few times,
it seems like the audience and the
guests all don't know what a name tag is and the importance of getting look at
these ones up front with the their fucking name is in their dinner for Adam
he and shitheads on the back For the listeners, the entire front row is berating my guests.
Well, don't blame...
For their shitty selection work.
Seems like you opened the door for it, Doug.
I did a little bit.
You were like, hey, what do you think of these dicks not picking your name tags?
I never called you dicks.
Dicks is being thrown around a lot about people that are not dicks today.
Topher Grace is not a dick. You guys are not dicks is being thrown around a lot about people that are not dicks today tofor grace is not a dick
you guys are not dicks no my point was just that now you've learned for next time to just
keep doing what you're doing because that's what you're going to do anyway
i finally picked a good one man you think that's the best one you ever picked yes i agree
i usually pick garbage like Chris Rhee over here Chris
Rhee Chris Rhee he got excited by the guitar cuz Chris likes music he's a
musician himself what's the name of your band, Chris? Well, we disbanded.
So you probably just forgot the name?
No.
Once a band breaks
up, they're just like, let's just forget it ever
happened.
It was a band I was in.
We were called 311.
They're still together.
What were you called?
I had a cover band called Boom Noodle.
I knew there was
a good reason to ask you.
Because I like that name,
Boom Noodle. Boom Noodle sounds
like something I'd order at a Thai restaurant.
Or something
I'd do after eating at a Thai restaurant.
Or something I do after eating at a Thai restaurant.
I don't get it.
Let's play some games, you guys.
We're going to start with something I've been torturing my guests with lately.
It's my favorite newer game. It's called Doug Loves Musicals.
Grease. Of course,
this is just between the
contestants on the stage.
I could have picked
Grease. That would have been hilarious.
It's a good first attempt.
Like, if someone's doing,
if I'm playing charades
and someone goes movie in two words,
I just yell true grit immediately.
Because that would be amazing.
And I just stick with it every time.
It has never worked out.
This is just between you guys.
Just yell it into your microphone
as soon as you think you have an answer.
Or, you know, you could just start yelling out musicals now.
And the first person to get it right is the winner.
What movie musical has all of these songs in it?
A song called What's This?
Nightmare Before Christmas.
Holy shit!
One title in! I was so excited about this list
because the next song is called finale. That's not a good
clue. Then the next one town meeting song.
Could you figure it out from that? Did you know there's a song in there
called town meeting? If you would have started with those two, I still wouldn't. Yeah, yeah, you just got it because
that what's this is pretty memorable it's where skelly just
what's this what's this he doesn't know what anything is he's just an idiot
sally's song poor jack jack's lament jack's obsession a lot of jack songs in this movie
making christmas Oogie Boogie
song. Just jacking it.
This is Halloween.
Halloween.
Which Greg Proops
is in there singing
in some of those. Kidnap the
Sandy Claws. And finally
the movie's
called Full Title Sir.
The Nightmare Before Christmas?
Full Title, Sir.
Oh.
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas?
Yes!
It goes by both, but I thought that was fun.
That means you get to go first in this next game,
and it's called ABCD's Nuts.
It's a spelling game
We'll start with Matt
And then we'll go to Chris
And then to Jeff
I will come at you with the next letter
And the thing we're going to spell
All you got to do is name any movie
That begins with that letter
Any movie at all
It's pretty easy
And yet people fail
Which is part of the fun
And if you match the movie
That I wrote down ahead of time
then you win the game automatically i feel good about today i think it might happen
is there somebody back there wearing like a mask that guy is that uncomfortable at all
because it's creeping the shit out of me because it's a creepy looking mask but also just like
you're just kind of just it takes away all your emotion
you're just sitting there
you seem unhappy
did you try to start a fight at
Reservoir Bar last night
cause the guy that looks like you did
a guy had that same thing on last night
in a bar? yeah two of them
and they it was I thought it was
an act but these two
dudes dressed like mexican
wrestlers almost started fighting they started doing hurricanranas and shit dude they just got
each other's face i'm like no they're fucking playing and they weren't was it was it because
they were wearing the same costume as the other one maybe it was just embarrassment maybe they
were friends they're like i told you steve mean, the machismo culture does not allow for the admission of embarrassment.
Generally, it's very difficult to be vulnerable and emotionally available enough to say,
I'm very embarrassed we wore the same costume.
I've done a lot of reading.
Not about this.
I'm making this up.
There's a lot of communication issues is what you're saying.
Have there been any...
That would make Mexican wrestling
super boring if they just talked it out.
In masks?
I feel like that would still be pretty entertaining.
If they were wearing their masks.
It'd be like watching a bank robbery movie or something.
I'm Nacho Libre.
But I'm Nacho Libre.
That's what I imagined their fight was yesterday.
But has there been a duplicate?
Has anybody noticed the same costume on any two people here today?
Is there another Steve Sizzou, for example?
Is there a second cat in the hat?
Is there... She forgot her own costume Is there a second cat in the hat? Is there?
She forgot her own costume.
Is that dude, are you Royal Tenenbaums?
What?
Oh, from Semi-Pro.
Semi-Pro.
Semi-Pro.
But doesn't he also look like Luke Wilson in Royal Tenenbaums?
Yeah.
With the headband and the glasses and the shirt and the thing.
What are you supposed to be?
You just look like you're wearing a garbage bag.
That's rude.
What is it?
I'm asking.
It looks like he's dressed like you if you were a wizard.
We already talked to him.
He's dressed as Zach Galifianakis in Dinner for Schmucks.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And once you know that, it's a great costume.
It's pretty good.
Yeah.
You nailed it.
All right.
So we're going to start with you, Matthew,
and we're going to spell, she's in town tonight.
I'm excited about it.
We're going to spell Taylor Swift.
So the first letter's T.
Name any movie that begins with the letter T, Matt.
Speaking of T, can I get another Tito's and soda?
Can I get a root beer if that's possible?
And a root beer for Jeff. Anything else, guys?
I'll do an IPA and a glass.
Can I do a Bacardi and ginger ale?
So yeah, we're all good. We don't need anything.
The Doors. The Doors? also yeah we're all good we don't need anything uh the doors the doors that's that's fun all the genuine t names and he goes with something that begins with uh
teenage mutant ninja turtles i didn't say change it okay you know it wasn't wrong
just trying to have fun no i wanted to change it for myself okay i went with well as
always first guesses are the only ones that count i'm going with uh terror train because it's
halloween oh all right chris your letter is a ace ventura and i say full title please oh pet Ace Ventura. Full title, please. Oh, Pet Detective.
Very good.
I went with Apollo 13.
And before you look at me like, what's that got to do with Halloween?
It's because I'm going to be in Houston at the Whatever Fest on November 20th and 21st.
Your letter is very shameless plugging.
Jeff, your letter is Y. You're nextff your letter is y you're next oh that's a
fun horror film recent one uh i went with young frankenstein
when you're gonna be older school on it wait yeah frankenstein i'm gonna be in transylvania
i got my i got my monsters if was going to be in Transylvania
My T title would have been
Transylvania Hotel
What's the cartoon?
Transylvania Hotel
Hotel Transylvania
So I could not have used that
Two
I don't think there's a subtitle on the second one
Nope
Back around to you, Matt.
L.
Lord of War.
Okay.
People are like, no.
It's a thing.
Nuh-uh.
Nicolas Cage movies count.
Yeah, I guess they do.
No matter how bad they are.
Thank you so much.
It's not The Lord of War?
No.
Okay, it's just Lord of War.
Yeah.
All right, I'll take your word for it.
I went with L.A. Story
because as I mentioned earlier in the show,
I'm going to be back at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles
with the Doug Loves Movies
this Tuesday, November 3rd.
Chris?
Oh.
Oh, Of Mice and Men.
That's a good one.
We made that a couple of times.
Maybe three.
I went with this one.
No reason, really.
Just a fun title when O comes up.
Orgasmo.
People even applaud for it.
Oh, look, this is the cutest drink delivery I've ever seen.
Thank you so much, Tigger.
Thank you.
Look at Tigger go nice tail you know
that girl's tops made out of rubber and her bottoms made out of springs I was
looking around and she's the only one
Somebody snuck some crispy creams up here.
Oh no.
Somebody brought the Amy Adams target.
In a lovely Halloween.
There's the Amy Adams target
over there.
So
whoever wins this
game gets to try to hit the Amy
Adams target with a donut.
You're going to have to sidearm it
with that overhang.
Yeah, yeah, it'll be a tricky throw.
Thanks for sitting in a weird spot,
Amy Adams guy.
I'm aiming for the guy in the booth.
Thanks for making it in.
Thanks for making the trip in
from Orlando. thanks for making it in uh thanks for making the trip in from uh from orlando
because we saw that in orlando right man we sure did and i hit it
oh that was that was fun i have a lot of aggression towards her it's fun
um r what where are we at it's my turn okay r uh i'm gonna go with robocop oh i'm gonna be in detroit on
november 22nd thank you for your cooperation
i'd buy a ticket to his show for a dollar um hey or more i'd pay more. It's $1.00 1987 prices.
$10.00 current.
Oh, okay.
I went with Re-Animator.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's a fun one.
S is your next letter there, Matthew.
She's All That.
The Freddie Prinze Jr. classic.
Yeah.
It's one of the better horror movies of the 90s.
It's like the opposite of RoboCop.
Yeah.
I actually went with RomCom 2 on that one.
Oh, yeah.
I think that's a good one.
I think that's a good one.
I think that's a good one.
I think that's a good one.
I think that's a good one. I think that's a good one. I think that's a good one. I think that's a good one. I think that's a good one. your classic yeah it's one of the better horror movies of the uh of the 90s opposite of robocop
yeah i actually went with uh rom-com 2 on that one i went with sleepless in seattle
because i'm going to be sleepless on january 15th because i'll be so excited to be in seattle for a
show on the 16th of January at the Neptune Theater.
W is your letter, Christopher.
Who's Harry Crumb?
A question for the ages.
And I went with Wolf.
And there's one on my shirt, even.
The clue was right there in front of you.
I.
I know what you did last summer. That's a last summer. That's what I should have picked. I went with insidious. Damn it. Yeah. F. Fear and loathing in Las Vegas. If I had
a gig come up in Vegas, that probably would have been a match. I was hoping for it. And
I do. It's on January 24th. Well, you well you're welcome and i fucked it up it was my mistake
i was still all halloween crazy because i went with frankenstein just straight up frankenstein
and we're gonna get through the whole list here chris if you don't match me
on the letter t uh jeff referenced it earlier. Tombstone.
Because that's some scary one.
It was referenced earlier.
Jason Priestley has a mustache. It's super scary.
But the movie that I wrote down
that was referenced earlier
is The Nightmare Before Christmas.
He did the tea thing. You did the tea thing.
I did the tea thing that I gave Matt a hard time
about doing with the first movie.
Son of a bitch.
I like to have fun, you guys.
And that's why nobody won that round,
so we're all going to throw a donut at Amy Adams.
That was close.
We have to acknowledge my throw was very close.
Good luck, Jeff.
Oh, so close.
You don't get to do two.
Jeff, where do you... Oh, you're going to eat one?
Chris Broder!
That was nice.
So close, so close.
Great job, everybody.
As long as someone hits it.
This is America, you guys.
There's no other country that has podcasts where people listen to people throwing donuts at a picture of Amy Adams.
All right, take it back.
Maybe Japan.
Those people are covered in donuts right now.
That's how dedicated they are.
Thank you.
Let's play another game.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
For the record, Stanton is my middle name.
For reals?
Yep.
A lot of name talk on this podcast.
Yeah, why don't you go by Stanton?
Stanton Porter.
Stanton Porter sounds like you run a hotel.
Yeah.
Sounds very rich.
Sounds like a frat name.
Fits my theme.
Tangential frat boy.
Stanton Porter could totally be the name of somebody in Animal House.
I mean National Amphibians Animal House.
So nobody won that last one, so we'll start with Matt again.
And win because I hit the target?
You don't get shit for hitting the target other than deep personal satisfaction.
It's probably the best thing that's going to happen this entire show.
And you'll always have that.
You're also the only one in a baseball cap, though.
Like, you came ready to throw donuts at Amy Adams.
Because, you know, you have no trouble with the curve.
trouble with the curve.
That might get burned. I almost killed Jeff's drink with that move. I had to do very precise mic dropping to not crush his
special you get to keep that glass by the way it's an improv
commemorative glass it's yours to hang on to. But what if I
don't want to give it to me i'll fly
back to california with it and put it in the next prize bag okay or i'll step on it and yell mazel
tov you never know how high i'm gonna be when you hand it to me uh last man stanton
is a game where we all i'm gonna play two play two. So after Matt, I'll go, then Jeff, then Chris.
We're all going to take turns naming the films
of one particular actor or actress.
Somebody tweeted me today,
you should do a chick sometime,
or you should do a chick today.
I know lots of you have suggestions,
but, oh, I wrote it down.
The first person I'm going to go to,
because she says she has a great one,
and I assume from her picture that she's a she, because you wouldn't get that from her name.
Maybe you would. Her name on Twitter is Alien Sassafras. She's right up front. I had a good
feeling that you'd be right up front and have a good name tag and have a perfect name
for Last Man Stanton. What is it? Jamie Lee Curtis.
It's Halloween, you guys. Oh, shit.
I've said too much.
This is going to be interesting.
I'm already confused.
We're starting with me, right? Yeah, Matt
gets to start us off.
Halloween.
With any...
I got so excited about it being so thematical
and i blew it but i won't say anything i won't say anything more about halloween
and we go to chris what's the movie with jamie lee curtis true lies
tom arnold's finest work that was That was his opus.
Well, look for him and me
on the next season of Trailer Park Boys.
Sweet.
On Netflix.
And a guy you may have heard of
named Snoop Dogg also makes an appearance.
Jeff.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
Halloween H20.
Yeah.
Halloween 2.
I might as well.
Oh, you're doing it.
Oh, Matt.
I won't do this to you, though.
You gave me Halloween.
I figured I'd give you one.
No, that's cool.
Because I'm going to say the one that's already written here.
Terror Train.
Halloween 2.
Chris?
Heartbreakers.
No.
No.
She's not in that.
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, dude.
Totally understandable.
All right, so Chris is understandable. Alright, so
Chris is out. Jeff?
Trading places.
I'll go with
prom night.
Freaky Friday.
Freaky Friday.
A fish called wanda holy fuck you guys uh that weird sequel-ish thing to fish called wanda fierce creatures
Yeah, it's getting rough.
She's on that TV show now,
The Scream Queens.
Oh, shit.
Did I give something away?
No, no.
Fuck.
Yeah, what's that thing called?
My Girl.
My Girl, yes. Jeff. My Girl, too. You son of a bitch! Damn you straight to hell. Hope you get a bee sting.
Jamie Lee fucking Curtis.
You bastard.
What have you done to me?
Uh-oh.
Why are you dropping shit?
Oh, it's just a guitar. Oh, it's just that guitar.
It's just a guitar.
This is what happens when Porter doesn't get to talk for one minute I'm gonna drop out I think
cause I don't wanna waste anybody's time
I know there's more
but I'm gonna leave it to these guys
Matt
trying to picture that manly haircut in another movie
she didn't always she wasn't always a manly haircut, but...
Don't defend her.
It's tricky.
There's one I can picture.
I can picture one that I just can't think of the name of it.
And then, yeah, we'll see.
We'll see what happens.
Matt, anything?
I think I'm out.
Yeah, I can't think of anything.
Jeff, do you have
another one yeah Halloween resurrection oh yeah yeah I was confused about which
one she's in think of the other one yeah good call yeah yeah so Jeff Tate's our
winner Jeff
What did we miss?
Perfect.
Oh, my God, with John Travolta.
He said True Lies.
He said True Lies already.
Taylor of Panama?
She's in that?
No, that's Rene Russo.
You know we did good because no one's yelling stuff.
He says it's her.
What?
What else? Blue Steel. Yeah. know we did good because no one's yelling stuff he says it's her what what else blue steel yeah directed by katherine bigelow uh what about what's that drama she did where like it was a big deal
because she was very naked in it a lot and was right around after trading places they remember
that what love letters damn it good call call, guy that can't see the show.
Because he's sitting behind the donut and pumpkin table.
Love letters, yeah.
Christmas with the fucking Craigs!
Good one!
That's the first time anyone's been excited about that movie.
That movie's never gotten applause like that.
It's so bad. Ever. movie. That movie's never gotten applause like that. So bad ever like that new movie about the
coopers looks just looks like Christmas with the coopers just looks like the same sort of shit.
Did you say Activia commercials? Of course, those are some of my favorite feature films.
They do seem to go on for a while. I'm like, I don't need to know about how regular you are because you fucking hork
down that shit.
House arrest.
That's it,
right? That's it.
Veronica Mars movie
escape from
New York. What do you think she
did in that?
Was she snake Plissken?
I don't know. She was the narrator or something. Adrian Barbeau, who was the other screen queen, scream queen. Jesus. She was in that. Adrian Barbeau
was in Escape from Crispy Cream Dream Queen.
All right.
Was there still another one?
Drowning Mona.
Or are you just yelling out a suggestion?
Is your girlfriend's name Mona?
Yeah.
Do you know someone named Mona?
The virus?
Wow.
You guys are...
I kind of like how usually it's just a bunch of yelling by everybody all at once, but you guys are just trickling them in.
This might, Halloween show here in Ybor City might have to become a tradition.
Yeah.
In 2016, it's on a Monday.
Are you guys free?
Could you check your calendars?
Show of hands, who's going to come next year?
We're doing it.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, if the club will have me.
They might be like, that was too much donut cleaning.
Too many donuts.
We had too much donut cleaning to do after that show
I don't think there's much donut
cleaning I think everyone that missed the target
just hit the dude in the corner
well plus because of what
I was saying about her Tigger is hopping
mad
you're right to boo that one you're right
I was like
let's give reverse malting a try you guys You're right to boo that one. You're right.
Let's give Reverse Malton a try, you guys.
We've got a couple minutes left.
This is like the old Letter Malton game that you've all played,
but with a twist
because the Letter Malton app is dead
and there's no newer movies on there so i'm just
picking classics classics why did it end i mean i'm sure you've covered this yeah just uh you know
he couldn't come to a financial agreement with the people who made the app but if you have the app
it still works and it even works like in the airplane mode like all the information all of
his reviews are already in my phone and so i could still call
stuff up but he's not he hasn't added a movie review since monuments men was the last movie
yeah i know ceremonious and i have to review that it's just over yeah that's it for movies
they're not gonna get any more boring than Monuments, man.
So we don't need to talk about them anymore.
I didn't know if Malton was like, I'm tired of Benson.
No, no, he's a fan.
He loves the show, and he loves that people come up to him,
and they're like, I listen to Doug Loves Movies.
That's what Doug sings of his fans.
That's what I think of you guys.
You all sound like that.
Hi!
No, people are very nice to him
and he likes it and I like it
and everybody likes it.
Who won that last game?
Jeff?
Jeff.
Jeff, you did it, buddy.
Could you have named another one?
No.
You were out.
That was your last one.
My plan was to say Assault on Precinct 13 with confidence and see if it rode.
Like John Carpenter was just putting her in everything.
Yeah.
They tried that with Escape from New York, but did not work.
All right.
So Reverse Malton, I will give
Jeff an option between three different
films, and
he will have to
pick one
based on the one he thinks he knows
the most names from, or maybe the one
he thinks the other panelists don't know a lot of
names from. Then I'll tell
you how many names Leonard lists here on the
app.
People who have seen this movie yes you have to name everyone who's seen it
uh and then uh yeah and then jeff will say how many names he think he can get it in and then we
go from there um so what way were we going on that last game we're going this way so we'll go that way so
we'll go to matt wait it'll go to chris chris will be first after you uh and chris
chris is like what the fuck is happening are you just trying to confuse me
you go first after the first three you'll be'll be third before me. You're second first.
Thank you.
You are the square root of that guy.
We'll talk you through it.
It'll make sense, hopefully.
Jeff, which one of these movies do you know more
of the cast of?
Goldfinger
from 1964.
Oh, no. Not Awesome Powers.
I did not say Goldmember. There is no Austin Powers.
I did not say gold member.
I said gold finger.
Finger member.
It feels the same.
Or to her.
Feels way different to me.
Hey, can you?
Are you still doing that frat guy bit?
All right, let me have another crack at Amy Adams.
Oh!
Is there one left? Come on, man. Oh! Is there one left?
Come on, man.
Oh!
All those people have diabetes.
Whoa! Whoa!
Doug, what the hell?
They got progressively worse.
It hit the foul pole.
I had no learning curve on that.
Each throw was worse than the last.
So you did have trouble with the learning curve.
But I was spreading out.
Yeah, I was spreading out the love, though,
because more people got hit in the face with donuts.
Not just Amy Adams.
Gold finger.
Golden eye. That's what I do when things get dirty. I bring nice, friendly donuts into the equation. Goldfinger Golden Eye
That's what I do when things get dirty
I like bring nice friendly donuts into the equation
And violence
Or
Skyfall
Which one of those three films do you know the most cast members?
Golden Eye
He's going Golden Eye
Some applause in the back
That's where the Golden Eye fans are sitting He's going GoldenEye. Some applause in the back.
That's where the GoldenEye fans are sitting.
12 names, Jeff. How many out of 12 do you think you can name?
In any order, of course.
Billing doesn't matter.
Five.
Whoa.
All right, Christopher.
Is Nintendo 64 a cast member?
So what you have to do is you have to bid more names.
Oh, no.
Or challenge Jeff and hope that he fails in his mission
and name five people from Goldeneye.
Well, I believe Jeff can do that.
Do you think you could do six or more?
I've got one.
Not to show my hand, but...
So I guess I have to challenge.
Yeah, you just have to challenge his hope.
Yes. Just go with hope and then... to challenge. Yeah, you just have to challenge this hope. Yes.
Just go with hope.
Hope floats.
Yeah.
And it springs eternal.
Hope does a bunch of shit.
Go, Jeff.
Do it, Jeff.
Five.
Five.
It was a wonderful concession speech.
Five names in any particular order.
I'll tell you if you're right after you've said five.
Okay.
Pierce Brosnan,
Denise Richards,
Halle Berry,
Judy Dench,
and
Sean Bean
okay
that's
interesting
no that's not
Goldeneye
yeah
Halle Berry was not
in Goldeneye
no
what am I thinking of
Last Boy Scout
no
you're thinking of
the one that she was in
which one was it
The World
Tomorrow Die Another Day Monsters Ball that's it You're thinking of the one that she was in. Which one was it? The World of Tomorrow?
Die Another Day?
Monster's Ball, that's it.
But Judi Dench was right.
Tomorrow's Not Enough.
Sean Bean was right.
Pierce Brosnan was right.
And what was the other one you said?
You threw in Another Lady?
Denise Richards.
This movie would have had three Bond girls in it
if you had your way.
Famke Johnson was the Bond girl in this one.
And Isabella Scarupo.
So that means I win.
You did win.
Yes, Chris Porter gets the point.
In your face.
I like how confidently you played that.
Well, I didn't know Chris didn't know anything
I learned
I was always more into the gadgets
than the people that were in it
okay name five or more gadgets
from Goldeneye
there's the exploding pen
that Alan Rickman plays with for a while and keeps clicking
because he's compulsive and that's also what sets off the exploding pen.
He's got that hot sauce ring so he can spice up whatever he's eating.
He's got that little bullet.
I think that's your uncle.
My uncle James Bond.
Alright, Matt.
He's not the real real one he does transmissions
matt gets to start us off for the next round and um
he gets to pick between three movies and then you're you're second first again chris okay
so be ready man so far so good yeah you can box je out. I don't want to give you too many pointers, but Jeff is a monster in this game,
as you can tell by his placement of Denise Richards
in the wrong James Bond movie.
She was a nuclear physicist in that film.
Yep.
Yeah.
I saw her on a plane.
Named Christmas Jones or some shit.
She is not one in real life.
She's what?
I saw her on a plane.
She's not one in real life.
A Bond girl? No, a nuclear physicist. Oh did how are you able to tell her on the board that's right I think the
movie pretty much gives away that she's not a nuclear physicist
she was talking to her mother and the dumb shit that was coming out of their No. Like, how does someone look dumb on it? She couldn't work the overhead thing?
No, no, she was talking to her mother,
and the dumb shit that was coming out of both of their mouths was,
like, have you ever been on a plane,
and the people behind you are saying such dumb shit
that you have to put in earplugs
because you're afraid it's going to affect your IQ?
Yeah.
Well, one of these people behind me on this particular date
happened to be fucking Denise Richards,
and it was, fuck. Well, one of these people behind me on this particular date happened to be fucking Denise Richards.
And it was, fuck.
You had a better seat than Denise Richards.
Got a lot of money. Wait, Jeff, you think the best seats are as far up as possible?
Sounds like they were all in first class.
Yeah, we were all up.
That's the best part.
I thought we were talking about hallie berry i meant i meant she had you had a better seat because you didn't have to be on the
plane with your own mother denise richards is so dumb she's only allowed to travel with her mother
like is that your point she's an unaccompanied idiot unless her mother is free to travel with her i think you looked a little far
into it but yeah i think whenever i'm confused by what you're saying i should just let you talk
for a while because you eventually get some sort of joke that wasn't that was nicely played yep
i'm a very tangential comedian Matt, choose between these three films.
Tin Men,
Pushing Tin,
or Tin Cup.
I know, it's fun in theory,
but horrible for this game.
Which one of those do you think you know the most actors from?
It could be one where you just know a couple.
Tin Cup.
That's what you're going with? Yes. He says Tin Cup from 1996. Leonard, Leonard lists
seven names and you're saying one? Yep. All right. Chris Porter, can you name two
or more people from Tin Cup? He's got two, Jeff. He's going with two people,
Jeff Tate.
Okay, I'll go four.
I think he was in it.
That guy looks like
one of them dudes from Tin Cup.
I tried. I don't know what you're talking about.
I tried. You know it's a golf movie, right?
Yeah, it's a golf movie. It's not about a guy
with a tin cup.
No, I was talking about his
face and beard, not his cup.
Is that your dad?
Should I...
There's a guy with that beard and tin cup?
And you remember that about tin cup?
I remember a lot about tin cup.
Yeah, me neither. I think you're confusing
tin cup with some show lot about tin cup yeah me neither i think you're confusing tin cup
with some show on the history channel maybe all right well i tried to try to keep this from
happening but you guys didn't uh strategically you're just you're basically handed jeff the
winning point i think could could go another way, though.
He missed the last one.
He does have to name four names.
You're right.
He might think that Denise Richards is in Tin Cup.
Well, now I don't.
Sorry, I should not give out clues ahead of time.
So you're challenging him, Matt?
I said one.
He said two.
Yeah, and now Jeff said four.
Oh, yeah, I'm definitely challenging him.
Okay.
Right?
But if you guys had ratcheted it up amongst yourselves,
one of you would have got the point, you know what I'm saying?
Next time.
I definitely wouldn't have gotten the point.
Next time.
You know, how long has it been since you've seen Tin Cup?
I've never seen Tin Cup.
I'm going off commercials on TBS right now.
Yeah.
I have never seen Tin Cup.
I could name all seven that he lists, but I'm looking right at
it. So I have that leg up. All right. You're challenged, Jeff. You have to name four people
from Kevin Costner, Rene Russo, Don Johnson and Cheech Marin. Yeah. The top four build people
in order. It's like watching the credits at the end.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, because then after that, it's Linda Hart, Dennis Berkley, and Rex Lynn.
Rex Lynn.
I was going to say Rex Lynn, too, yeah.
You knew or not.
I was, because Rex Lynn is that guy that gets busted with the hooker at the beginning of Long Kiss Goodnight.
That Sam Jackson?
And he's on CSI Miami now?
What the fuck?
Why are we even playing this game?
Jeff Tate knows Rex Lynn.
And Jeff Tate is our winner today.
No, he only has one point.
He only has one point.
No.
Chris has one point.
What happened?
They're tied.
You each have one point?
Yeah.
Let's keep playing.
I'm still at zero.
This is like how when
who wants to be a millionaire
with Bill's suspense?
This is like Doug's version of it
where he's like,
you win.
It's over.
No, it isn't.
Hold up.
We'll be back after these messages
with the actual conclusion.
All right.
So that means, yeah, I thought Jeff was just cleaning up.
I forgot about the whole Denise Richards thing.
Yeah.
All right.
So Chris has a point, and Jeff has a point.
I still don't know why I didn't get a point for hitting the target.
I don't know why.
Maybe I'll give you one.
This isn't at midnight where you can beg for points.
Oh, I thought it was all together.
I thought it was all together.
All right, so who challenged who there?
I challenged him.
Okay, so Chris, you get to pick this time.
Oh, you're first first.
Yeah, you're first first this time.
And you get to pick between three films and then it'll go to Matt's. You guys
can really control
the board here if you choose to.
Come on, Blues Brothers.
Just as long as we're getting
tangential and shit, how many
people do you think you could name from the Blues Brothers?
You were just begging for it and now you're thinking about it i like at least 12 if i can
you think you could name 12 people for blues brothers yeah with the musicians and whatnot
all right here hang on a second if if chris can name 12 people from the blues brothers
it's automatically this is we'll call this a three-way tie. All right.
Okay.
It doesn't make any sense.
Wait, wait, can I?
Why am I with Matt benefits
just because Chris?
Wait, can I include musicians?
Well, that's the idea.
I'm talking like the guys that don't call.
They might be in the cast
and listed by letter.
I want to see how many he lists,
first of all.
Now, you're saying Blues Brothers,
not 2000, right?
No, no no i'm talking
about blues brothers yeah the rich uh not blues brothers 2000 from 1998 what the fuck
did the movie take place two years in the future? It was on the same calendar schedule as
Chronic 2001.
Because that album came out in 99.
Never mind. We'll cut that part out.
Alright, so Leonard lists
13 names.
So you have to come up with 12 of them.
But I'm going to name musicians
that aren't like Duck, Dodd
and
well, that one.
I feel like you's all the blues brothers band you could name what about blue lou marini cab calloway oh wait uh there's one uh guitar charles guitar
murphy no no i mean i i acknowledge he does exist and is in the movie okay well then we'll just run down the big ones
Ray Charles, Cab Calloway
Aretha Franklin
who else does music
you still have not said the
Blues Brothers names
I know I'm saving them for last
okay Dan Aykroyd
fucking John Belushi
Princess Leia
where am I at Fucking John Belushi, Princess Leia.
Where am I at?
You've already lost, but this is still pretty fun.
How have I lost?
Oh, well, because I fucked up. Yeah.
Who's the guy who sings in the church at the beginning?
Did you say him?
The guy who sings in the church? Yeah, when Did you say him? The guy who sings in the church?
Yeah, when they realize they're on a mission from God.
Yeah.
And who's the guy who says orange whip?
Three orange whips.
Oh, okay.
Jock Candy, Jackie Gleason.
Who's the guy who says, good old boys, you're not the good old boys.
We're the good old boys.
I don't know who that is, though.
Yeah.
That's Mel Tillis.
No, his name is Charles Napier?
Charles Napier.
And who plays the nun that smacks him around at the beginning and throws him down the stairs?
I don't know.
Kathleen Freeman.
But good job, Chris.
Thank you.
Yeah, good job.
You didn't come close.
It's like a Make-A-wish version of this game.
You got to pick the movie
and then stumble through it.
Can I guess what his first
fuck-up was?
I bet that Leonard just listed it as
Blues Brothers Band.
He did, in fact, yes.
He didn't list them individually.
What are my real choices?
Here's your real choices.
Blues Brothers?
That would be so funny if...
It's all a big setup.
It'd be interesting to see
which one of you can remember
the most names that we just said.
That'll be...
If we get it to a tie,
that'll be the tiebreaker.
Tiebreaker.
I love it.
Okay.
But we'll see if we get there.
Which one of these
do you know more people from?
Old School, Talladega Nights, The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, or Blades of Glory?
Old School.
Old School.
From 2003, Leonard Liss.
Looks like a good 11 names.
We'll start with five.
Ooh. Chris Porter
says he can name five people from old
school, Matthew.
I'm going to say name it.
All right.
Shit.
But if Chris
does not succeed, Matt will get a point.
We'll have a three-way tie and then we're going to do the Blues Brothers again.
You got to come up with five people, though, Chris.
I know.
Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn.
I don't know the other dude.
This is looking great.
It's a good thing there isn't somebody in the audience
who I thought was dressed up like him.
Snoop Dogg's in it.
You only need two more.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Two more.
Two more.
Just go to the...
Fuck.
Oh, man.
No, I'm out.
No, really?
Yes.
Wig.
Yeah. Wig. What? Pivot. no i'm out no really yes wig yeah wig what yeah jeremy pivitt luke wilson jeremy pivitt luke
wilson juliet lewis leah leah ramini who just recently uh remini who recently just uh ditched
scientology she told the whole scientology story like how many times does that have to happen
before they fucking shut down Scientology? People come out
and they're going, they wanted all of my money and they were
complete assholes. Perry Reeves
from Entourage. Craig Kilborn's like the bad
guy in it. Oh, wow, yeah.
And Harv Presnell
from Fargo and stuff.
And Snoop Dogg, of course. You did get him right.
So you came close.
Yeah, well, I just wanted to make the game interesting.
But now, speaking of interesting games,
we have a three-way tie.
So now, we're going to start with Jeff.
And then go to Matt.
And Jeff, how many names can you name
from the cast of the Blues Brothers?
For real?
What do you mean, for real?
Yeah, for real.
I'm serious.
Oh, no.
It's a memory test.
Leonard lists 13 names.
Nine.
He says nine.
This is for the win, you guys, so take it seriously.
Is it on me or Chris?
It's on you, Matt.
Ten.
Go for it.
All right.
Here we go.
I just don't want Jeff to take it easily.
Also, play along at home.
See how many you can remember from just a few minutes ago.
Carrie Fisher, James Brown, Aretha Franklin,
Dan Aykroyd, Jim Belushi.
What?
John Belushi.
Excuse me. Excuseushi. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
How dare you?
Sorry.
You're right.
I deserve that.
That's blasphemy on Doug Lo's movies.
Oh, God.
He's rattled.
Yeah.
This is not going to happen.
You've got to come up with like five more.
I know.
Let's recap the ones you've said.
Belushi and Aykroyd.
John Candy.
Candy. That's a new one. That's six.
Oh, okay.
Fuck.
You said Candy twice?
No, I didn't. No, I didn't. That's the first time he said Candy. Oh, Aretha Franklin.
I'm at six. You said Aretha.
I would love to have some candy right now.
I'm sure somebody has some.
Toss it up here.
Nice catch.
Why can't every stand-up show be like this?
Fucking Rolo's minis.
Is this a make-a-wish?
Are those Reese's Minis?
Oh, I hope those are poisoned or something.
I hope they're dosed.
Oh yeah, is there weed in them?
Yeah, I know.
You only need four bones. Come on, I'm trying to kill time here.
What was that dude's name?
Mac Guitar something? Mac Guitar something?
Mac Guitar Wilson?
So we missed the whole conversation we had about that part.
Yeah.
Who else was popular?
Jim Belushi rattled you.
Dead.
I wouldn't have been able to do it.
Yeah, I can't come up with three more.
All right, that means...
Christopher Porter is our winner
yeah remember we said they condensed all the band into the blues brothers band
oh and uh cab calloway uh ray charles reetha franklin james brown
kathleen freeman you know there's no reason to rub it in
i don't know how i would have done in a similar situation.
That's an interesting memory test.
I couldn't remember boat, cucumber, wire.
So I still think you did pretty good.
Let's do some plugs, you guys, before we get out of here.
What do you got coming up, Jeff?
Oh, I'm still on my tour.
I'm going to be in Dayton, Ohio, November 8th.
Nashville, November 11th.
At Zany's, the high tone in Memphis, November 12th.
I'm in Cincinnati, November 9th.
I did those out of order.
Bloomington, Indiana.
In November, Louisville.
Tons of places.
Justanotherclown.com is where you can find out about it
and my podcast
and my tour dates and my merch and all that stuff.
Justanotherclown.com
Thank you, Jeff Tate.
Chris Porter coming in for the hug.
What do you got going on, buddy?
Next week will be my cousin's wedding.
I'll be the drunk guy in the corner making fun of people.
Do you get a plus one for that?
I got a list if you guys want to come out.
No, I'll be at La Jolla Comedy Store the 13th
whatever that weekend is
and then I'll be at the Ontario
Improv the weekend after
Thanksgiving
which is also I'm doing a show
on my birthday so
what's your birthday
November 27th
everybody send him a message on Twitter
or wherever on November 27th me and Jim him a message on Twitter or wherever on November 27th.
Me and Jimi Hendrix and Josh Blue.
Oh, that's a great group.
Yeah, and Jackie Green.
Like eight people per event.
And Scott Waltz, I guess you get the prize bag.
Come on up here, buddy.
Come on up here and get this.
I think you get a shithead from Shannon?
Do I get to plug anything?
Can you go to her?
Yeah.
Take that back to her.
I don't need somebody else's shithead.
I need the proper person's shithead.
I like to run things above board.
What is yours, though?
People who try to make fun of Doug Benson benson on at midnight or a shithead well i agree but
you know they got to try to win somehow can i plug stuff yeah yeah i'm getting to you okay
settle the fuck down matthew i will oh man is there a shit there's a shit out on the back of
yours right yes just pass it over and what do you got going on, Matt Fernandez?
This Thursday, I'll be right down the street at New World Brewery with Ben Kronberg.
And every Thursday, if you want to come out, we have a weekly show in South Tampa at Wicked Witches.
Full list of dates on MattFernandezWorld.com and follow me at FatMernandez.
Oh, I forgot my Twitter. Can I say i say my twitter nope we're out of time what's your twitter chris i am chris porter oh okay super i am chris porter i love how i almost
said to chris waltz why are you still there? Because I haven't given you your prizes yet.
Congratulations,
dude. Happy Halloween. Way to go, Chris Waltz.
Yay.
Yeah, and thank you to everybody for coming
out and to the Tampa Improv
and
I wasn't kidding around earlier. We could just make
this an annual thing. I'm very excited.
And one more time for Matt Fernandez,
Chris Porter, and Jeff Tate.
Thank you.
And as always,
the Polk County Sheriff whose mission from God
is to eliminate obscenity.
What?
Eliminate obscenity?
Grady Judd?
Grady Judd is a shithead.
Yeah!
Now it's time for Doug to watch another Talkie
It's two shitheads
I mean Grady Judd sounds like a lot
of shitheads to me so you weren't really
wrong to go to the end theme there but
cue it up again cause I got
one more
Pumpkin murderers are shit.
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold,
his viewing prowess
makes him cocky.
There's no room
in his heart for you,
because Doug loves movies.