Doug Loves Movies - Dana Gould, Geoff Tate, Josh Sneed and Angelo Pizzo guest
Episode Date: June 6, 2015Live from Limestone Festival in Bloomington, IN, Doug welcomes Dana Gould, Geoff Tate, Josh Sneed and Angelo Pizzo to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Californi...a Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, green and baby sticky seeds.
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
But Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey everybody
My name is Doug and I love movies
This is Doug, and I love movies. We love movies.
Coming to you one more time.
Actually, for the first time from this particular venue,
the Buskirk Chumlee Theater, upgrade.
We are at the Limestone Comedy Festival in Bloomington, Indiana.
Boycott, Indiana! Boycott Indiana!
Wait. Oh, I messed
that up. That means don't come
here. Anyway,
fuck that one guy. That one guy did
that thing. I don't blame the whole state.
Yeah.
I don't
want to leave everybody here in suspense
about whether or not I think one guy was responsible
for that shitty maneuver
that made people create a hashtag
it's Friday June 5th 2015
4 o'clock because scheduling here
at the Limestone Festival in this particular venue
is such that we need to get out of here at the Limestone Festival in this particular venue is such that we need
to get out of here at a certain time
and so
we couldn't have my usual
fun start time of 420.
But we'll all be here
together at 420.
Vape them if you
got them. Tonight
I'm going to get
limestone
and do two stand-up shows
in this very theater
with some great local acts
and the headliner, Kyle Kinane.
Do you guys like Kyle Kinane?
That son of a bitch.
On At Midnight right now,
Ron Funches has the most wins
with like 10.
And then
Kinane is next with like 7.
And then I just caught up.
I'm at 7.
And then
I think maybe
Nikki Glaser might have 7 or 6 or something
like that. But it's pretty tight up there except for Ron Funches
is just, you can't beat the fucking
adorableness of Ron Funches. Don't even try.
But Kyle also is just very, he's really good at it, and here's the thing,
they each have more wins than me, and each of them have a win that they won against me.
Like, I put them on the board further with my own participation against them. So nobody cares,
Doug. Uh, but so tonight I'm going to do a few minutes before Kyle comes out and does his
headliner set and it's going to be super fun. And the people listening to this podcast are going to
hear about it too late. Uh, tomorrow though, that people might hear this in time, this very theater will also be the home for a blasphemous,
the most blasphemous Benson movie interruption of all time.
You know, because we are in the great state of Indiana,
and we're going to interrupt Hoosiers.
Yeah.
I think that's a bad call
I think that we should have just
skipped right to the sequel
we should have interrupted Who's Your Mama
because that was a dumb movie
no but
Hoosiers is a great great film of course
and last two years ago
kicking off the Limestone Festival
we did Breaking Away
and it's a great movie
and the last shot of the movie is right outside this door kicking off the limestone festival we did breaking away and we and it's a great movie and it's the
last shot of the movie is right outside this door and it says in big letters filmed in the city of
bloomington it's amazing it was an amazing event so i was like okay fuck it let's do another famous
uh indiana movie and so since no other movies take place exactly in Bloomington, we went with Hoosiers.
And we've got a very special guest involved with Hoosiers as well.
So that's pretty sweet.
More than involved, I'd say.
That's understating it.
Let's see.
New York City.
Douglas Movies is coming to Irving Plaza this Tuesday, June 9th,
and that's the day my new album, Promotional Tool, will be on iTunes for a mere $4.99,
because it's not so much a comedy album as it's a promotional tool.
You'll buy it and learn about all my other projects.
We got four great guests.
That's hilarious. I ran all the names by the guy in charge this very afternoon.
And we've only got enough mics and
stools for three guests so pick somebody to send home
i even asked they sent me a picture of the stage setup and i looked at it and i was like that looks
perfect that is absolutely on the money see you after i get high and uh
now i'm here and wondering if uh if people are scrambling around trying to make a
a fifth mic happen or if uh we'll bring maybe at least bring out one more stool
and two guys could share a mic what What are you guys thinking back there?
Why is no one responding to me?
Somebody stick your goddamn head out.
Thank you.
All right.
So the fourth guest is going to bring out their own microphone and their own stool.
And if I had just introduced everybody, maybe that would have happened anyway.
I don't know.
I don't know if they knew about it already.
I'm so glad we have enough room for all of these people.
Because it's a
sweet, sweet lineup. We've got
three old bees and one new bee.
And this one new bee is
a terrific get, especially for
this particular area
and what's going on here this weekend.
Please give a big, warm
welcome to Dana Gould, Josh Sneed, Angelo Pizzo, and Jeff Tate.
I like it.
This chair weighs 10,000 of your earth pounds, yet you hold it with ease.
All right, so Dana wins the Pete Holmes Award,
and Jeff wins the Teamsters Award for bringing in his own stuff.
And Jeff Tate, everybody.
Hello.
Is this on?
It is.
And it's wireless. I mean, I made a real point of saying I like wired mics because the wireless ones cut out and stuff.
And that's not good for a podcast.
I feel like we'll take what we can get at this point.
Considering I let it get all the way up until when I'm on stage
to realize we were short a microphone.
Jeff, you're in town for the festival.
Yes.
Doing some sets.
Sure.
And you feel more like a sidekick today than a guest
with your low-to-the-ground chair.
Finally.
That's what I've been going for these last two years.
Does anybody on the panel have a bad back?
Because I feel bad about making people sit on backless stools.
I have a bad back.
Okay, so that worked out perfect that you carried out your own chair.
Yeah.
But now you get to sit in it.
Yep.
My back is great, but my front is a train wreck.
Dana Gould, ladies and gentlemen.
Also here to stand up and comedy here at the festival.
I have two shows tonight somewhere.
Quite possibly here.
I don't know.
No, not here
I'm in here
unless there was another mix up and there'll be a couple comedians
performing simultaneously
yeah we're doing a duel
it's like duets
man what if your show tonight has too many microphones
I just thought of a great show
like duets,
you know, like it's karaoke
with music or whatever.
Why not just have two people
come out and take turns
saying Mitch Hedberg jokes
until everybody leaves?
The Sklar cousins.
Because if anybody said them...
There should be
two comedians walk on stage
and the first one to listen to the other one wins
Alright, what were you saying, Dana?
Boom!
We got a prize bag full of stuff
Amazing prize bag
What did you bring for the bag, Dana Gould?
My first two CDs are now on vinyl, and they are in that bag.
Funhaus, then let me put my thoughts in you.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
Vinyl.
Because I know where the money is.
Yeah.
The money's in having plenty of these to give away.
That's right.
Funhaus is coming out on Edison Cylinder next month as well.
I'm very excited.
Well, that's a very nice contribution to the bag.
Thank you very much.
That's what she said.
It wouldn't be a contribution to the bag.
It would be an extraction from the...
Josh Sneed is here, everybody.
Hello.
Hello.
bag would be an extraction from the... Josh Sneed is here, everybody.
Hello.
By that
applause, it sounds like I'm going to be the
first to go. I think
nobody leaves. Are you...
Are you
performing on this stage tonight as well?
I'm on this stage...
I'm on this stage tomorrow night
with Michael Shea and I'm with Dana
tonight. Where are we?
Yeah, where are you guys?
Jay, Jay Wack.
Is that what it's called?
Yes.
That's made up.
That's not even real.
That sounds like a house show.
You're going to Jay's house.
We're going to go jabber.
My draw is primarily open micers that want to meet me
before I die, so it very well could be
a house show.
That's how they got half of us
to agree to the festival, Dana.
Is it true you never broke?
It's the Meet Dana Gold Festival.
Come on, kids. He'll teach you stuff.
How have you been in the
business so long and never break?
I don't know.
You're silly.
How many Emmys do you have?
Anybody who thinks that Emmys are important should remember that I have two.
I'm glad you have more than one, because how many Emmys do you have?
The answer one is like, that's like neither one of us were on the same page.
Well, I should have three, but Andy Dick took one.
Oh, it still counts that you won it, though, just because he took it away from you.
It's a dick move.
That's why I got that smattering.
He stole your Emmy?
It's a long story, but a boring one.
Yeah, basically.
My question was yes or no.
I bet he
stole his Emmy the polite way of saying
it snapped off in his butt.
Andy would laugh at that.
Snapped implies it was accidental.
I'm going to break this off in my ass.
I just realized Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick have the same voice.
So, Josh brought for the prize bag.
Nope.
Those are for me. Those are for me.
Those are Jeff's.
Even better, Josh brought...
I brought stuff from when I worked at Blockbuster.
What is this?
That's an original Space Jam poster.
Yeah.
And it's original packaging.
And dented.
I saw somebody on the internet the other day so angry about that
there's so much love for Space Jam.
And I feel like for some people, it's
their, for me, it's Hook.
I can't get over that people love Hook so much.
And I never
knew, I never loved Space Jam
or knew anybody who did, so I don't,
I'm not concerned with the people who do, because it's
like, you know. Well, that's why the poster
was never opened.
Okay, and then you also
brought... I also brought
from my Blockbuster days a...
Well, this is actually from my college movie
review days. This is a press kit
for the Odd Couple Part 2.
Complete with the photos.
How many stars did you give Odd Couple 2?
I think that's the first time that folder's ever been opened.
Felix!
Great, that's great. What else?
A Pocahontas viewfinder.
Which was another blockbuster giveaway.
Sounds like a sex move.
The colors of the wind. Yeah yeah you know what i'm saying
that's what you see when you pull the emmy out of andy dick's ass
and then there's also my two cds oh there's so much stuff oh and it's 419 you guys
there's so much stuff. Oh, and it's 419, you guys. I'm not going to do anything about it.
Just wanted everybody to know. Wanted you to know the sacrifice I'm making today. Somebody put in my hotel room recently a bunch of gum, XL gum. I'm like, okay, I'll put that in the
prize bag. I'll fly back to the states with that
I'll take a chance
I got Willie Nelson's
Peternalis cut and putt hat
and
a Willie Nelson cut and putt
is a sex move
that's the putt and cut.
Did I pronounce it right the first time
when I introduced you?
Pizza. Ladies and gentlemen,
Angelo Pizza is here.
Thank you.
And, you know,
first time guest on the show
and still managed to knock it out of the park
with the gift bag because he
brought a James Buster Douglas
bobble head.
There's a story
behind why he has that but I don't want to even
we don't even need to get into it. It's still a great item.
And then you're wearing a shirt
and brought a shirt because not
only has Angelo written Hoosiers
which we'll be trying to make fun of tomorrow,
he also wrote everybody's favorite sports movie, if it's not Hoosiers,
and it's called Rudy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now has written and directed a sports film that's coming out on October 9th,
2,000 screens, and it's called...
Mile American.
Yeah, right there on the shirt. It's going in the prize bag.
So this is another football story.
Yes, although there isn't any sports in the last 30 minutes of the movie, so...
Whoa, that's an interesting spoiler.
We actually...
Hey, come see Rocky VII. There's no fighting in the last 30 minutes of the movie. Whoa, that's an interesting spoiler. We actually... Hey, come see Rocky VII.
There's no fighting in the last 30 minutes.
That was what they tried with The Phantom Menace.
People want to hear about trade negotiations.
Now, is it Rudy or radio?
Who learns from Cuba Gooding Jr.'s innocence?
Radio.
Radio, okay.
Because that was the great tagline of that movie.
Radio didn't learn from the people.
The people learned from radio.
My dad learns a lot of stuff from the radio.
Thanks, Obama.
Yeah.
This really is a Pocahontas viewfinder.
Yeah, I wasn't messing around.
We've got to name your actual albums here, Josh, to give them plugs.
Unsung Hero and Unacceptable.
Josh Sneed.
And, yeah.
And so Aaron Eckhart's in the film.
And does he play someone involved in football in some way?
Yes, he is involved.
He is the coach.
Coach.
A famous coach, Coach Daryl Royal.
This movie takes place at the Emory City, Texas in the late 60s.
I'm in.
I don't know what it is.
I'm not that into sports, but I'll watch any sports movie, even ones with Kevin Costner in it.
And he is just beating that horse isn't he
it's just like let's just keep going back to the sports well but this next one let's have
no sports in it just talking about sports draft day all right so uh since jeff is in the fancy
comfortable chair on the end there what did you bring for the prize bag?
Not that those two things are connected in any way.
I brought Bruce Campbell's book.
Woo!
If Chins Could Kill.
Yep. I brought
Fletch. Feels vaguely racist to me, that title.
Yeah, yeah.
That was the tagline.
You can't get away with If Epsteins Could Kill. Yeah. That was the that was the tagline you can't get away with if epstein's could kill yeah
that was the original subtitle of the communist red book that it's the book the remake of red
dawn was based on fletch you love fletch i do love fletch who's the new fletch jane lynch
who jane lynch aren't they making didn't they turn fletch into isn't she gonna be a lady Who's the new Fletch? Jane Lynch? Who? Jane Lynch?
Didn't they turn Fletch into, isn't she going to be a lady?
Like maybe Melissa McCarthy?
Did I dream that?
I think, I don't know.
Or was I watching Spy?
Was it just because she dresses up in Spy?
Like Fletch does sometimes?
If you made like a Venn diagram that came together for me with the worst Julia Roberts movie and the worst Mel Gibson movie
they're both in it
and you brought it and it's called Conspiracy Theory
I watched it a couple days ago
and decided I should probably give this away
yeah
if I keep it I might accidentally watch it again it a couple days ago and decided I should probably give this away. Yeah.
If I keep it, I might accidentally watch it again.
And Tom Hardy will be in the remake with Melissa McCarthy, obviously.
And that one will be real good, though.
It's a shadow conspiracy.
Alright, you guys. Let's talk about movies for a second.
And let's talk sports films.
Angelo's, your whole career is sports films.
What's a sports film you admire
that you didn't have anything to do with the making of it?
Like, what's your favorite one?
Probably Raging Bull.
Right.
Amazing movie. Moving on. probably Raging Bull right amazing movie moving on
you say Raging Bull
and Space Jam
is literally
on the table
was Bugs Bunny
in Raging Bull
no
I don't think so was Raging Bull? No, I don't think so.
Was Raging Bull just an overlong McDonald's commercial?
No.
Space Jam.
You know that Bugs, though, was this close to getting the Pesci role.
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
Bugs Bunny and Pesci don't sound that different, really.
Nope.
Hey, you motherfucker!
I'm gonna break a carrot off in your ass!
And towards the end of any boxing career,
they start to sound like Elmer Fudd.
So that seems to work perfectly.
What about you, Josh?
Do you have a favorite sports film other than the ones that are on the table?
Probably Bull Durham.
All right, yeah.
If it's got bull in it, it's a great sports film.
I would also put Jerry Maguire up there if that one counts.
It doesn't.
You lost me to Jerry Maguire.
That's good.
That's so good.
Human head weighs 10 pounds.
I only have two Emmys left.
Who will get it?
I probably brought this up before, Dana,
but you played Squeegee Man in Mystery Men?
I don't want to brag.
Doug, I'm just like you.
I'm just a regular man who puts on his pants one leg at a time.
Oh, Squeegee Man.
Do you have a favorite sports film, Dana?
Yes, one of my favorite films of all time.
One of the funniest movies ever made, Slapshot.
And, of course, written by a woman, which not a lot of people know.
Written by a woman, one of the foulest comedies.
Such a great movie.
What was her name?
It escapes me at this time.
Nancy Dow, yes.
Really.
If you haven't seen Slapshot, it's phenomenal.
And it is one of those movies that you remember as being great, and then you go back to watch it,
and it's still great. How many times are you like, oh my God, you have to see Blazing Saddles.
And then there's a joke, and you go out and you make a sandwich. You start a tray of lasagna,
you finish a jigsaw puzzle. You come back in. There's
another joke. You go back out. You
call some friends from high school you haven't talked to in a
while. Yeah. How dare you? That was
going to be my favorite sports movie.
Please.
It is
competitive campfiring.
Jeff, what do you got?
What's yours? I was hoping you guys were going to keep doing that riff.
So you can think more about sports movies?
I'll say mine.
I'll say mine.
Okay, you say yours.
Because Dana just made me realize that mine is also a hockey film called Goon.
Really good.
Have you seen that?
I wanted you to say Miracle.
Was that the prequel to The Goonies when he didn't know anybody?
Yeah, he was alone.
It was after they finally moved.
And he's new in that town and he's just one goon.
Hey, guys, I'm from Oregon.
Boo.
Then they take his inhaler and throw it as far as they can.
Yeah.
I think my favorite sports movie is Major League.
There you go.
I wish we hadn't have gone back to you.
Or maybe Rookie of the Year.
Okay.
Angels in the Outfield.
I also want to say Caddyshack.
Air Buds.
Oh, Caddyshack. Oh shits. Oh, Caddyshack.
Oh shit, we just came up with it.
Also written by a woman.
I don't know, I don't know.
Written by a dead guy.
Yeah, written by a dead guy.
That's right.
Even dead people can write movies, folks.
I'm not equating women with dead guys.
Dana Gould just equated women with dead men.
But what I said was...
Right?
Does anyone here work for Jezebel.com?
Does anybody here have a blog?
They can write about Dana.
He's a good tipper, but also...
My name is Caitlyn!
And he's down to one Emmy.
We're all Caitlyn now.
Sure, sweet Caitlyn.
While you guys were talking, I was sitting over here remembering the Titans.
Good one.
That's everybody, right?
That's it.
Thanks for having us.
Can we give just a nod
To the lunacy of any given Sunday
You're going to fight for that inch
The Pantheon Cup
There's nothing funnier to me
Than when there's a football movie
And they have to make up football teams
The LA Stallions
Is from Last Boy Scout My favorite Last Boy Scout, my favorite sports movie.
Last Boy Scout, that's my favorite sports movie.
Contrary to popular belief
that doctors in the NFL don't literally
pull on pencil-thin mustaches and go
moo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Any given Sunday, though, that's a true story.
Well, based on real events.
It was based on, like, the guy saw a football game
and was like, I'm going to write a movie.
Yeah, and it was really interesting
that he just happened to think of it
at the right time of year,
because any given Sunday, there's not a football game.
There's more Sundays that don't have a football game than do.
Yeah, yeah, it should be called occasionally.
It could have been about old people antiquing.
Sometimes
on Sunday.
He's doing another movie called
Any Third Sunday, which is about the Pasadena
flea market.
How much? How much
for this ashtray?
Life is a game
of inches. I will give you
three inches for that ashtray.
That's the pitch.
He wants to buy a headboard.
The guy won't sell it to him.
That's conflict.
I have one Any Given Sunday reference here.
Please do.
It's not funny, but it's...
None of ours were.
Why start now?
Well, you're right in the pack then.
I hired a cinematographer
out of New York
and before he came to Texas
where we shot the movie,
he said,
do you have any movies
that you would like me
to take a look at
to give me a guide
as to what we're looking at
in terms of how to shoot
the football stylistically
and so on and so forth.
I said, yeah,
take a look at Any Given Sunday
and do everything opposite.
Wow. It is true. That a look at Any Given Sunday and do everything opposite. Wow.
It is true.
That's not an Any Given Sunday reference.
That's like a legit anecdote.
Right.
The four of us are just shitting on that movie.
And you're like, I met the guy who fucked it up.
I don't think the cinematographer fucked it up.
No, no.
He also did a lot of rewrites. He also did a lot of rewrites he also did a lot of rewrites
the cinematographer
it was probably Robert Richardson
the truth is we had the star of our movie
was in that movie
and that was Aaron Eckhart
and he told us a lot of stories about that movie
and it was Oliver at his worst
in terms of his worst drug use
during making that movie.
Well, there was a...
And if you watch the movie from that point of view,
from a cocaine point of view, you get it.
It's awesome.
It makes total sense.
It's funny because Oliver Stone also...
That works for most movies.
Yeah, that does.
Oliver Stone also made World Trade Center,
which is interesting because my review of Any Given Sunday
was that it was worse than a million 9-11s.
But at least he didn't call that Any Given Tuesday.
For the listeners, there was an extra burst of applause because of the tip of a hat.
Such a simple gesture.
I wasn't looking. I was like, what did he do?
Oh, he took his hat off.
What a delight.
How are we doing on time, you guys? We've got a lot to do.
I always like to ask everybody the last movie they saw
and their thoughts on it.
We'll start down there with Jeff.
San Andreas.
Oh, boy.
It's fucking amazing.
Dana Gould should give one of his Emmys to The Rock.
Just out of joy.
It's so fucking awesome
I love it
really?
yeah
does The Rock ever like just
physically stop the earthquake?
he punches the shit out of it
spoiler alert
there's a showdown at the end
and he just punches the earth
and it settles down
yeah
it just chills out
yeah
he yells at the tsunami.
It backs off.
He calls it a jabroni, and it just kicks off.
Well, San Andreas learned his lesson.
You might be made of rocks.
I was upset you didn't use my movie reviews in eight words or less for that one.
You reviewed San Andreas?
Yeah, I said, please tell me
whose fault this is.
Nice.
I'm growing on them.
I mean, that's clever, but
the movie is great.
So I don't know
why you would try to place blame.
We should be laying gratitude at their feet
for making such a spectacular fucking movie.
Now, I heard that the buildings
that don't get destroyed by the earthquake
Rent goes up.
are ruined because Paul Giamatti eats all the scenery.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
He really falls into the Richard Dreyfuss character
of the...
You gotta listen to me!
My jacket doesn't fit, but I know a lot of stuff.
I like how they showed Oakland and you couldn't tell if it was before or after the earthquake.
Dana, do a classic Hooper line from Jaws, but talk about earthquakes instead of sharks.
Oh boys, it's back for a second rumbling.
He did not hesitate before doing that.
Give it more.
And I'm wearing my Ben Gardner Fishing Charters t-shirt.
That's awesome.
Another thing I didn't notice.
If I ever have a band, it will be called Alex Kintner's Raft.
There's a scene in San Andreas where The Rock actually has to go find a bigger boat.
So it really works.
The sequel is called San Diego where The Rock has six hours to walk through Comic Con without meeting an agent or marketing exec
I don't know what that means
Nobody goes to Comic Con that used to go to Comic Con now
It's all business
People who used to make fun of you for going to Comic Con
Yeah, that reminds me, my new movie Chronicon
is probably going to be out on July 3rd.
And it's where I go to Comic-Con.
I'm more of the problem than the solution.
Because I'm just high looking at everybody.
I'm not really there for comic books, which is what it should be about.
Well, that's good because there are none there anymore.
They've actually moved the comic books.
They've got like a corner outside the building.
No, they're in another building on another part of town it's really it's shameless and awful and the way of the world but the cast
of shameless is going to be exactly exactly it's people that's like where are you going to comic
con well i'm going for the pretty little liars table what it's a nice table you can buy i go to
that yeah i check that let me ask let me ashley benson's on that what if it's just nice table. You can buy it. I'd go to that. Yeah, I'd check that out. Let me ask, let me ask.
Ashley Benson's on that show, right?
What if it's just a bunch of dorks
dressed up like agents and executives?
Oh, that'd be good.
What if it's just like cosplay,
like studio cosplay,
where they're not really agents or executives.
They're just nerds who are like,
I'm going to be a suit this year.
What was the last movie you saw, Dana?
Did I skip you?
Well, no, I'm next.
So I saw, the last movie you saw, Dana? Did I skip you? Well, no, I'm next.
The last movie I saw was San Andreas.
I saw it with my 12-year-old daughter.
I said, Dad, I want to go see San Andreas.
And I said, you know, it's not going to be like that.
And she said, I know, but I'm interested in the devastation.
And I thought, my work here is done.
It's great. The best thing about San Andreas is that
from this movie, there are only
300 people in California,
which is terrific.
At the end. Well, at the beginning,
he's flying,
he's flying his helicopter,
and his ex-wife says, I'll be on the roof
of the building, and
she's the only person you can see
just off in the distance on the roof of a
building so what about other people i don't know everyone else is dead yeah did you see it too
josh oh my god i did but i also saw pitch perfect too
did you get pitch slapped i did you like it? I was pitch slapping a bitch.
I don't know how they talk, but it was fun.
I liked it.
I like it, too.
I just don't understand why there's commentators during an acapella competition.
Like, why there's two people talking through the entire thing.
It's not even during just the competition this time.
They're doing their live remote podcast everywhere this group happens to be.
Yeah, but everybody just wants to hear them talking over the performance.
That's what I want to know.
It's unprecedented in performance competition.
Everybody's got a podcast.
The whole point of the movie was to make it more like the Padre scene from Phantom Menace.
That's two of your three Phantom Menace references.
The seal has been broken.
Don't waste your third one.
Oh, I won't.
I have it locked and loaded.
Angelo, have you seen something lately?
You know, we were talking, Dane and I, earlier, that my movie-going habit is really decreased by the quality of series television.
The best writers are working on television now.
It's all so good.
There's so much good TV. I watched the...
Because I missed a lot making this movie last year,
so I ended up watching the last six episodes
of Boardwalk Empire,
and that was about as good a writing as there is.
Yeah, it's a bunch of movie people slumming it on HBO.
Boardwalk Empire is like the show Mob City
if anyone at all watched it.
And really got into it.
Miami?
Did it take place in Miami?
No, Mob City took place in Los Angeles in the 1940s.
Nobody watched it.
I like how he didn't use the microphone for that.
So you're just answering out of nowhere for the podcast listeners.
That's okay.
It was written and directed by frank darabont you see how the comedians all have the microphone right at their mouths so they can dive in with something to say you always by the time
you get it up to your mouth somebody else is already talking i keep watching that happen
and it's like all these great anecdotes are just going uh away because these guys won't shut the
fuck up i know he's talking about the cinematography for
rudy i'm like well i made a vine once and uh and that's the story of how i fucked charlie's throne
i also had to put my jersey on my coach's desk but i was uh asked to it's a little different
than your film,
but it's like when I saw it in the movie,
I was like, I've been there.
You're the second guy in the office,
and he's like, all right, see ya.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you see, was there a lot of,
was Johnny Favreau, Johnny Favs,
was he, when he was in Rudy,
did he seem like a future filmmaker?
Was he already interested in all that stuff?
Well, he actually had never done anything before, and we founded him at Second City.
So he was more of a stage improv guy.
He was simply a guy that we hired him as an actor.
Now, John was on the set all the time tailing David Anspaugh, the director, trying to learn as much as he could.
But we kind of thought he was a pest more than anything. We didn't really take him very seriously.
Yeah, but you needed his food truck now, wouldn't you?
Yeah, he really was. He was a different guy back then. But honestly, to give him credit,
a lot of the lines that that character had were improvised by John. So we let him go
a number of times. I'm going to go back and watch that
again because I barely remember that it was
him because I didn't know him
at the time. I believe that because I've met
the real guy and he's nowhere near that clever.
D-Bob?
You've met D-Bob?
I met D-Bob and Rudy. That's strange.
See, I've got stories too.
Don't.
I saw a movie called Some Girls on Netflix
because I'm on this challenge
where I'm trying to watch 365 movies in one year.
And I sat there and watched the whole thing.
It was a Neil LaButte screenplay.
He didn't direct it,
but it was like watching a film to play.
A film Neil La Butte play.
Who's in?
Oh, nobody?
Interesting.
All right.
Who's in Some Girls?
It stars Adam Brody from The O.C. and whatnot.
As a guy who goes around and just talks to all his ex-girlfriends in various hotel rooms.
He gets them all to meet him in a hotel room to tell them that he's getting married.
And he just wants to make sure that everything's cool with every girl he ever dated. So it's like,
there's like seven scenes and each one is just him and some girl and they have a different kind
of relationship each time. And what if, so the pitch was, what if we did a Jim Jarmusch's
broken flowers, but did it without Bill Murray. So no one had a reason to see it.
It's kind of what it was, yeah.
I'm sure Neil LaButte never saw Broken Flowers.
He's too busy writing crap.
I mean stuff.
So, I like some of his stuff.
Let's do the game portion of the show.
What do you say?
Let the games begin!
Lots of folks here in the audience brought decorative name tags that they can hold up now.
Maybe we could get some house lights up so that we get a better idea of what's out there.
And also, thank you, all of you, for coming at 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon.
It's an interesting time for a show, and people should be at work.
Some people drove really far to get here, too.
That's impressive.
I'm seeing movies I worked on.
Oh, perfect.
Well, everybody, physically get up and go select.
Put your microphone down and go select a name tag
that you'd like to play for and bring it back to your seat.
Okay.
Whatever strikes your fancy.
And while you guys do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back after these messages.
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Now back to it.
All right, we're back.
You guys really went out there and into the crowd and did some good name tag hunting.
Let's start with Angelo.
What do you got there? Well, I don't need to, I mean, to bring everything
I do back to
my movies, but
Might as well. That's a good way to pick a name tag.
But honestly, and I
actually misread that. I thought it said
Encino Man, and it says Encino Dan.
Well, because he changed it to Dan because it's his
name tag. I got it. Okay.
See, I've never, this is a first for me.
Yeah, yeah. But I think
why do you, do you like the movie
Encino Man? Well, no. The reason that I picked
it was in the reference to the
movies we did was that
we were very
curious about hiring
Sean Astin. And we actually
looked at Encino Man as a sample
of his work. Yeah, and he's very likable in that movie.
He is. He's great. And we hired him.
Not totally based on that movie, but in part.
Sure. That's what people said
when they made any Brendan Fraser
movie. Alright.
Because he was also...
You know, even Pauly Shore was tolerable
in that movie. It's really...
Encino Man is a fun movie, I think.
And what they do is everybody writes a
shithead on the back of their name tag.
So if you lose today, their consolation prize is I have to say this out loud no matter what it says.
I mean, if it said Mohammed, I wouldn't.
But everything else.
So there you go.
Thanks for doing that.
What do you got, Josh?
I have a new movie coming out with The Rock and Vin Diesel called Muscle and Bro.
I love the tagline, when life gets you down, just push up.
Valentine's Day next year.
This is so great.
What's the name of the person who made that?
Elliot Hilton.
Okay.
I didn't need both first and last, but it's nice to know that someone from the Hilton Empire is slumming it and making name tags.
What is amazing that this poster proves is that the success of the Fast and the Furious movie is based on the simple concept that muscle cars are clearly phallic extensions.
And that people are shooting machine guns out of them, cars are clearly phallic extensions and that people are shooting
machine guns out of them, which are clearly penis substitutes. So it's not just penis substitutes
being shot out of phallic extensions, but the guys that star in the movie are these big, shiny,
muscular, bald guys. They actually look like dicks. So what you have is guys that look like
dicks shooting penis symbols out of phallic extensions, you'd have to go to Neil Patrick Harris' dream journal
to get more cock.
I mean, that looks like a photo
of a poor guy that has two dicks.
Hey, Dean, is there any chance you could be
hilarious about your name tag?
No way.
What is that?
My name tag is clearly a woman named
Glorin. That's what pulled me into it.
I'm assuming it's Lorin
that you stuck in there. Yeah, Blades of Glorin.
And it's the Blades of Glory
poster, and she's Will Ferrell.
She's Will Ferrell, and you are John Heater.
John Heater.
Yeah.
I get to try that hairdo sometime.
It doesn't look too bad.
It doesn't look too bad.
I actually wrote on that movie, so I thought,
well, that reminds me of money my ex-wife has.
Let me get this poster.
I'm so glad to hear that you wrote on that movie,
because I always say I think it's one of the funniest,
if not the funniest, Will Ferrell sports comedies.
I will say my
favorite line in the movie. That's not narrowing it down that much.
He had a streak.
But my favorite
line in the movie was something that Will just
totally improvised. It was there up on the stand
and John Heder goes, you smell like tacos.
And Will goes, yes I do.
I was like,
that's the funniest line in the movie.
All right, maybe he's not that great.
Jeff,
what do you got there?
I'm playing for Booney.
Could you sit in a more relaxed style?
When is your hammock getting here?
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
Booney, my cousin Booney.
Okay.
He put what appears to be a My Cousin Vinny picture on a box of donuts.
Pretty good strategy.
Yeah, I like both of them.
What kind of donuts?
Can you flip that open for me?
It's National Donut Day today.
No way.
It is.
It's a whole bunch of them.
I'm sad that I know that.
Is it National Cigarette Day, too?
Just drop some in there on top of the donuts.
Listen.
It went on the ground.
You dropped a box of cigarettes.
You dropped your cigarettes into the donuts.
It was like a symbol of every fireman.
Well, when this show's over, I'm going to have both.
All right.
Well, you might want to take aside a donut that you're going to enjoy later.
Oh, no.
Because you know what happens when you pick donuts for a name tag?
I throw them into the audience.
Oh, that was real?
I thought you guys were just doing a bit.
The magic of podcasting.
Oh, that one's going to leave a mark.
Any of you other guys want to do this, feel free.
Hell yeah.
Does anybody have a nut allergy?
What about peanuts?
Do it!
Oh, that was a...
That was an interesting dick lob.
I feel like a bear claw.
Hey, let's not mess up the theater.
That was the most fun thing I've ever done in my whole life.
That Angelo put me in a sports movie.
Stop where that apple fritter went, man.
This is for you guys.
Oh, sorry.
Rag arm.
That was to my name tag role.
Wow, that one was...
Here's a starburst.
That one was bitten by a famous writer-director.
I'm glad it wasn't a box.
Oh, that's his girlfriend.
Okay, great.
I'm glad it wasn't a box of kittens.
They would have been fine, man.
They all land on their feet.
That was so great.
It's just donuts, because how much could they hurt?
No matter how hard you throw them, they're donuts.
And thanks for, I hope the theater's not mad at me for doing that.
I'm glad they got those donuts into this theater, because a lot of places have no food rules.
Well, this place is probably going to change their policy soon.
All right, Angelo, we're going to play a series of games,
and these guys kind of know what's going on. And a couple of newer games in the mix, and I'll talk you through all of it.
And this first game is to determine who goes first in the second game.
Yeah, super complicated. It's called Cluster Flicks or Don't Yell Amy Adams. And I'm going to say three movie titles. If one of you
guys can think of the person that's in all three of those films, just go ahead and yell that name
out. And if it's correct, the game is over. But if nobody gets it right,
I'll just keep adding names.
I should do that.
I should count up how many titles there are
and say it at the beginning,
but I didn't do it this time.
But there's definitely more than 24 titles here.
So just as soon as somebody knows it,
somebody's going to put it together eventually.
Here's your first three names.
One person was in all three of
these films. Judgment Night, 20 Bucks, and Car 54, Where Are You? No one in the audience
yell out anything. Don Rickles. Unless it's definitely the wrong answer. No, no, don't
yell out anything. Somebody guess Don Rickles? That's a good guess. Nothing? Fred Gwynn.
No.
You've got My Cousin Vinny on the brain.
Yeah.
You didn't just say My Cousin Vinny three times?
What?
I thought you said the only person who was in three movies.
My Cousin Vinny, My Cousin Vinny, My Cousin Vinny.
Nope.
Judgment Night, 20 bucks and Car 54.
Where are you?
Dennis Leary. Nope. Judgment night, 20 bucks and car 54. Where are you? Dennis Leary.
Nope.
Here we go.
Floundering.
Together.
Two is spelled T-W-O.
Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde.
Heat.
Tone Loke.
Nope.
Larger than life. elephant kiss yeah there's an elephant in all those films
kiss the girls operation dumb boat i'm kidding uh kiss the girls carrie l wes phoenix no the crew Hell was. Phoenix. No. The Crew. Rush Hour 2.
Runaway Jury.
Scary Movie 3.
Chasing Liberty.
Two for the Money.
Al Pacino.
The Kingdom.
Spy Kids.
All the Time in the World.
Jamie Byatt.
No, no.
The Pirates.
Band of Misfits. It's got an exclamation point in the middle of it. That World. Jeremy Pius. No, no. The Pirates, Band of Misfits.
It's got an exclamation point in the middle of it, that title.
That's weird.
Serendipity.
John Cusack.
Jeremy Piven.
That's correct.
Jeremy Piven was in all of those films.
Impressive.
Keeping Up with the Steins, Rock and Rolla, Black Hawk Down,
The Family Man, Smoke and Aces, Very Bad Things, Gross Point Blank, Say Anything, PCU, which also co-starred Jon Favreau, and Entourage, the movie, in theaters now.
Yeah, if I'd have gotten Entourage, that would have been pretty sad.
But great job.
That was you, Jeff, right?
Yeah.
Yep, Jeff got it.
Paul, you're not proud of knowing Jeremy Piven films?
Oh, no.
What was the turning point?
Which one gave it away?
Whatever one you said right before I said Jeremy Piven.
Oh, okay.
Serendipity.
Huh?
Serendipity, because he was in The Kingdom, too.
That put it together nicely.
Yeah, one of those other ones.
All right, cool.
All right, so that means Jeff gets to go first in the next game.
And then we will go to Angelo, Josh, Dana, and around like that.
And this game is called Now Bushimi, Now You Don't.
I'll give you a batch of Steve Buscemi movies,
one of which he's actually not in,
and you just have to pick out the one he's not in.
If you can't get it, then it moves over to the next guy
who only has to choose between two,
and if that person can't get it, then we move on to the next one,
because that's silly.
Can I give you one funny thing he said from when I had dinner with him?
Wait.
I would rather you be in a different situation with him,
but go ahead.
Look, I know I look like Don Knotts.
But why did he have to suddenly say that?
Were you just Mr. Limpity him all night?
Were you like, you probably don't want to order the fish?
I didn't bring it up, but he brought it up.
Were you trying to convince him that those two ladies were just your roommates?
I was talking like Andy Griffith all night, hoping that he would pick it up.
Oh, Steve, we're going to have good dinner.
It's going to be flavorsomeome I get it I know
Andy
Andy
you're gonna go sleep in the Simmons house tonight
wait is that your impression
of Steve Buscemi
clearly that's Andy Dick but do you think it's too soon Wait, is that your impression of Steve Buscemi?
Clearly that's Andy Dick.
But do you think it's too soon for the Don Knotts story?
Why isn't Buscemi developing that for himself?
Oh, Oliver Stone is making it,
and right now we're at the part where he was actually on the moon with Neil Armstrong.
Holy shit. It's just going to be called Knotts.
Holy shit.
It's just going to be called... Nuts.
The Reluctant Astronaut.
Here's your three movies, Jeff.
Tell me which one Bushimi is not in.
Barton Fink, Billy Bathgate, Happy Gilmore.
Billy Bathgate. Nope, he's not in Happy Gilmore. Oh shit, I didn't move on to the Bathgate, Happy Gilmore Billy Bathgate
Nope, he's not in Happy Gilmore
Oh shit, I didn't move on to the next game
Happy Gilmore
Correct, Angelo's correct
Moving on to Josh
Josh
I was just trying to make it fast
Instead I made it furious
Don't bring that up, Dana's got this whole thing About that movie's about dicks and instead I made it furious.
Don't bring that up.
Dana's got this whole thing about that movie is about dicks.
It's a triple dicker.
Okay, so between these three movies, Josh,
I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.
I think I love my wife and I robot.
He's in two of those.
I think I love my wife.
Nope.
See, this time I was smarter.
Moves on to Dana.
Which one of those other two is Buscemi not in?
I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry
or iRobot.
I'm going to say iRobot.
Or it's sequel iRobote.
Wait, which one did Josh say?
The one about his wife?
Yeah, he's not in iRobot.
All right, here we go.
Dana, you get to go next.
All right.
I'm going to do it right this time, I swear to God.
Was he in...
Which one wasn't he in?
Monster-in-Law, Monster House, or Monster's University?
Well, he couldn't have been in Monster House.
Why is that?
Oh, well, I was going to say
because it's animated, but so is Monsters University.
Yeah.
Nobody's in animated movies.
What?
He is in Monsters.
I'm going to stick with Monster House.
No, he's in Monster House.
Then I'm going to say Monster and Law.
It's not your turn anymore.
I'm taking my turn.
Jeff, what do you say?
Do you agree with that?
Monster in Law?
That's correct.
He's not in Monster in Law.
He's in Monsters University and Monsters, Inc.
He's like the bad guy in both.
All right.
But you didn't say Monsters, Inc.
You said Monster House.
I said Monsters University and Monster House.
He's in Monster House. Yes. The Dan Harbin, Rob Scharab thing? He's the voice in it. Monsters, Inc. You said Monster House. I said Monsters University and Monster House. He's in Monster House.
Yes.
The Dan Harbin, Rob Scharab thing?
He's the voice in it.
All right, then.
Angelo.
Which one of these is Buscemi not in?
I'll try to say it different so you'll catch it.
Try to help you out.
28 days, 50 first dates, 20 bucks.
28 days, 51st dates, 20 bucks. 28 days.
Sorry.
Also, we should have been eliminating people when they get it wrong.
But has anybody got one wrong yet?
No, I haven't got one wrong.
Oh, no.
I mean, I got it.
Yeah, Jeff's out.
Jeff's out.
Josh, you haven't gotten one wrong yet.
Yeah, I have.
No, you didn't. I was wrong about it. No, you haven't gotten one wrong yet. Yeah, I have. No, you didn't.
I was wrong about it.
No, you were high.
20 bucks.
You say he's not in 20 bucks?
That's great.
He's not in 50 First Dates.
He's in 28 Days and 20 bucks.
Terrific.
I'm better at this than I thought.
I thought he was in like every Adam Sandler movie ever.
The zombie movie?
Yeah.
No, no, no.
The Sandra Bullock alcohol movie.
Oh. The Sandra Bullock alcohol movie. Oh.
The Sandra Bullock rehab movie.
What's the other?
It's a little zombie.
The zombie movie.
Yeah, there's 28 Days and 28 Days Later.
Oh, 28 Days Later, which sounds like the sequel to 28 Days, but it's really not.
28 Weeks is the sequel to 28 Days Later.
28 Weeks Later.
Nine and a half weeks also Is, also has numbers.
In the title.
There was also nine weeks, but that's not, that's not funny.
It's too close to nine and a half.
And that one was about Dudley Moore and Mary Tyler Moore.
I'm not kidding.
Had a dying child.
Had nine months to live.
Wasn't that it?
Six weeks.
That's what I said.
Six weeks.
Holy shit.
All right.
Here's one thing the doctor probably doesn't say in that movie.
I'm sorry.
Your child has six weeks to live.
Starting now!
No stopwatch.
And go!
And live your life, air horn.
I'm going to murder your child in exactly six weeks.
Click.
Whose turn is it?
It's mine.
Okay.
No, it's not. I'm out. Why do you do that? It's Dana's turn is it? It's mine. Okay. No, it's not.
I'm out.
Why do you do that?
It's Dana's turn, right?
I know, right?
It gets worse.
Will you throw that donut back up here?
Yeah.
This game has more rules than Fizbin, anybody?
Did you say Fizbi?
Fizbin, anybody? So you say Fizbi? Fizbin.
Anybody? So,
Angelo and Josh are out. Dana's still in.
And Jeff's out.
I'm out. Everybody's out.
Wait a second.
No, someone's in. Dana won.
Somebody must have still been doing alright.
Let's give it to Dana.
Hooray!
Hooray. Hooray.
You backed into that one.
Holy shit, this one had marshmallow in it.
For the listeners, Jeff is eating a donut.
I feel like they knew.
I hadn't said anything in 40 seconds
this one's got marshmallow in it
sounded funny to me
oh one of those Doritos tacos
they'll try it
fast food is just trying anything at this point
they're just like let's just throw shit at the wall
I have that exact same bit
on the CD that's in that bag over there.
Have you been to Taco Bell after one in the morning where they just let you throw shit at the wall?
You could go to the steam table and it's like $4.
And then whatever you get to stick to the wall is your thing.
You get to name it.
It's like a Mexican hibachi.
I don't know who... I think someone should be offended by that.
Just generally the listeners.
Alright, so the next game we're going to play,
we're going to wind this thing up with
the rousing game of Last Man Stanton.
And people on the old Twitter have been hitting me up today
saying that they've got the perfect name for this game.
So let me explain how the game works to the guests
while I also fly through my Twitter and try to find some of these people.
Basically, we're going to get a name of an actor or actress,
and then I'll play along as well.
If you come in second place to me, you still win.
And we're going to name off movies that that person was in, taking turns.
If you can't think of one or you say one that's wrong, then you're out.
And who did we decide won that last thing?
We'll say Dana won the last thing.
But how does this involve Stanton, which I assume implies Harry Dean?
Yeah, it's called Last Man Stanton because when he played it, and it didn't have a name yet,
we did the films of Harry Dean Stanton, and he won.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah.
He beat us
three children down
by being able to name,
I think maybe he named
four of his films.
Here's something
you've never heard
after someone says
the name Harry Dean Stanton.
He goes to my gym.
Oh, my God. We have the same nutritionist. What? I do. I do have the same nutritionist as Harry. I think you mean bartender. Well, whatever. It's whoever just gives me stuff.
All right. I got to find some of these things you guys
this is driving me crazy i can't find them uh i gotta go to my favorites and um all right where
is four color kyle yep is not really the answer to that question but
where is he?
Yep.
He's back there in the corner.
He wrote, starting a five-hour drive to see Doug Benson again at Limestone Fest.
I have a never-used Last Man Stanton name, hashtag Pinky Promise.
So there's that guy.
hashtag pinky promise so there's that guy and then we also have patty boy 1 0 8 3 where you at right you will please say yep you know coming from st. Louis to
limestone comedy fest have a great last man Stanton suggestion and then there's
another one the he be chibijeebie where's that heebie-jeebie at
yeah all right and uh
and you just wrote I've got a last man standing suggestion for you tonight and uh I apologize in
advance but I bet these other two people traveled further for this moment
and so I want to honor that.
Which is further, St. Louis
or five hours?
Why is that funny?
It's about the same?
You guys...
I've never seen such enjoyment
of a simple math joke.
St. Louis is four hours.
All right, so five-hour wins.
It's funny.
We have a box of two donuts and a basket of unlimited Starburst.
The stage looks like a math problem.
If Jeff had two donuts and Josh Snead had a lot of Starburst.
And there are five minutes left in the show.
Me, I'll eat these donuts.
Is that the answer?
Anybody that comes tomorrow for the Hoosiers interruption, don't worry.
There will be no donut throwing.
Or it'll be kept to a minimum.
You most likely won't even be kept to a minimum. You most likely
won't even be able
to bring them in.
Yeah.
I'll just bring one chalupa
and throw it at somebody.
But tomorrow
something tells me
I just see the words
smoldering embers
and police tape.
Four Color Kyle,
you're it.
You're going to tell us
the name of an actor or actress
that we're going to play Last Man Stanton with.
It better be good.
It better be worth that five-hour drive.
John Leguizamo.
I need to name you.
Leguizamo.
That's probably not the same guy.
So I think when people sit around going,
I've got the perfect name,
they're thinking, if I were to play,
because I love Johnny Legs.
That's a fellow who thinks a one-man show is a movie.
I don't mind playing it.
Let me ask the panel.
Do you guys want to do it,
or do you want to fish for another name?
Fish for another name.
I can only think of two right now. John the Pest Leguizamo? Hey, don't blow it! to do it or do you want to get fished for another name fish for another name i only know you can
only think of two right john the pest leg was on hey don't blow it don't start blowing out names
john wick so where's st louis at what's your what name do you have that's so great
pressure's on.
Ray Fine.
Ray Fine?
Get the fuck out of here.
Most people don't even know how to pronounce it right.
We couldn't do both of those names for two rounds.
You guys already hilariously burned the only two Leguizamo movies i've ever even heard of you've heard of a lot of other leguizamo movies you just don't know that he's in them
because he's too long because he's that good and the rock fades right well that way we're
gonna play it anyway josh what's no i just was making sure that the only two i knew got out
there so we don't have to use him.
He's in The Rock?
I've seen The Rock like a hundred times.
You could do any of the fucking... Right?
He's in there, right?
What are those movies with all the mammoths and dinosaurs and the little squirrel?
Ice Age?
Ice Age movies.
Any Ice Age movies?
No, man.
I'm a Christian.
I don't...
I don't really go into blasphemous science fiction.
There's a museum for you in a neighboring state.
I've been there.
I donate to it.
We live there.
Tyrannosaurus saddles were big.
Yeah, they had to be.
Have you seen a Tyrannosaurus?
They were big.
I think when people are writing to me and saying, I've got a great one, they're thinking one that's going to be difficult as opposed to one that's going to yield a long, fun game because there's lots of potential answers.
Although both of those actors are in a lot of things, just not things that are in this group's wheelhouse, apparently.
I mean, you know, Ray Fiennes, you could start, you know, if you know how the Harry Potter titles go fines you could start you know if you know how the harry
potter titles go you could start naming those off but anyway where's uh he be jeebies what do you
got this is the last one guys so you've you tossed out the other two so this one we have to take it
no matter what he be jeebie says right now i really we're gonna play it and we're gonna play
it to the best of our ability starting starting with Dana, going to Josh.
What name are we using?
Christian Bale.
Okay.
Not bad.
All right.
It's not great, but it's not bad.
Dana, any Christian Bale movie?
Empire of the Sun.
Okay. I don't think I said name the first Christian Bale movie? Empire of the Sun. Okay.
I don't think I said name the first Christian Bale movie, but...
That's how my brain works.
All right.
Josh?
Batman Begins.
Don't forget, guys, I'm a stickler for correct titles.
I don't think he was in that.
We have a challenge.
I'm glad this game doesn't work that way.
Angelo, any Christian Bale movie?
American Psycho.
I'm going to go with Newsies.
That's a great one.
Jeff?
The Dark Knight.
Right?
Yeah.
He was the last Batman, right?
He was?
Yeah.
Dana?
American Hustle.
Oh, I didn't know he was in so many american movies
josh uh batman forever
are you for real really no? No, not really.
Give me your shithead.
Is it on the back of that basket?
What? No, it's on the back of the sign.
Oh, okay.
Oh, yeah, you got the sign, too.
But let's imagine a pissed-off Christian Bale taking direction from Joel Schumacher.
First of all, you're going to turn that frown upside down
and be Gotham's savior for me.
Now you're going to put it in your eyes
and take it out of your heart.
Which voice are you doing?
Well, clearly that's Jack Klugman.
Now it's garbage, Felix.
You just sound like every episode of The Match Game now.
Dana, do you remember Quincy M.E.?
Of course I do.
Yeah, right?
That show was hilarious.
I don't think any coroners, medical examiners, are running around solving deaths.
They're just saying what caused it, and that's it.
They don't have to go out and solve a mystery.
They know.
They're looking at the body, and they go, this is what happened to it.
Brian Kiley, who's a very funny comedian and a writer on Conan O'Brien, used to have a really funny bit.
The end of every episode of Quincy was, what do you mean heart attack?
We're talking murder here.
Jack Klugman in some of the greatest
Twilight Zone episodes, by the way.
He's in multiple Twilight Zones?
Yeah, he's in like three or four of them.
Holy shit.
He worked a lot, that guy.
Mm-hmm.
Good actor.
Couldn't be more dead.
Right?
Like that kid in that Dudley Moore movie.
I think he's a man.
I wonder if the kid that played that kid is alive still.
How would you like to be the...
What about the kid doing the Super Bowl commercial?
I hope that kid's not dead.
Oh, that commercial where the pig flew around?
Was that even from this last Super Bowl?
I don't know.
I just know the Super Bowl had a dead kid commercial.
It did.
And Nationwide is on your side.
Who said American Hustle?
I did.
Okay.
And Josh missed.
Josh is out.
Okay.
Angelo.
Exodus.
What?
Exodus?
Oh, Exodus. I thought you said exes like he was in some wacky romantic.
Having dinner with my exes would be more violent than Exodus, that's for sure.
I don't know what you're doing. I don't know why you're yelling something out.
Please don't. Oh, they yelled full title did he yeah in that case thank you what
is the full title of the film they love it when i'm a stickler do you know the full title of
exodus uh-huh i do not know oh i think i know but but I'm not sure. The book after Genesis.
But I'm not going to say it, so I'm sorry, Angelo.
You're out.
There's more words in the title than just Exodus.
The search for Curly's gold.
Yeah.
I mean, it is.
That's funny, but I think it's the reckoning.
It is in a desert.
No, I'm kidding. I think I know what it is, but I'm not going to say it because I'm not going The Reckoning. It is in a desert. No, I'm kidding.
I think I know what it is, but I'm not going to say it because I'm not going to say it wrong.
I'm not going to make that mistake. Somebody else
can. It's down
to me and Jeff and Dana
and for my next one, I'm going
to say that
he was in a motion picture called Out of
the Furnace.
Yes, where he was way... Pretty picture called Out of the Furnace. Yes. Where he was way...
Pretty good movie, too.
Josh? I mean, Jeff?
The Dark Knight Rises?
Yes.
I can't believe I didn't scoop
that one up after the other two were said.
Also,
also what?
Don't say anything else.
You got it right right why ruin it?
that is the greatest advice
I've ever been given
I wish I'd known you before
my marriage failed
good to have you on board.
Dana?
The mechanic.
Yes, the mechanic.
Whoa, you're right.
You're out, Dana.
Was it mechanic?
No, the machinist.
The machinist.
I'm sorry. That's my answer.
Mechanics are machinists by definition.
Jeff, back to you again. Did you say
machinists? Yeah. Then can I say
exodus gods and kings? Yes.
Well, I'm...
I kept wanting to say exodus gods and monsters
and I didn't think that was right.
I've read the book. Oh, that movie's also
pulling out.
Touche. Okay, it's's also called Pulling Out. Touche.
Okay, it's back on me.
Back on me.
I can't believe it hasn't come up yet,
because it might be...
I think it's one of its greatest performances,
if not the greatest.
The Fighter.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's The Fightrix.
Jeff?
The Prestige.
Oh!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Terminator Salvation!
What?
Is that the right one?
I don't know what you just said. Oh, Terminator Salvation! What? Is that the right one? I don't know what you just said.
Oh, Terminator Salvation?
Oh, yeah.
That's the one where he got mad on the set and had the tantrum.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm really curious, in this new Terminator movie,
how come the Arnold Schwarzenegger robot got old?
Why was it Arnold Schwarzenegger from Jump?
Why was the robot ever a big muscular guy with an Austrian accent?
He's a robot.
He doesn't have to have muscles.
He doesn't have to have physical muscles.
He could just be big and beat shit up.
Wow, you really took what I said and ran with it.
I love movies.
Can I throw another giant robot gap at you?
Yes.
Let's go all the way back to Star Wars.
Let's go.
Which one?
Phantom Menace?
Are you using your third and final?
You've been patient.
No, in Star Wars,
which is the only movie ever
been made called Star Wars,
it has no other title,
our strategic
says to C-3PO, beep boop boop boop
boop, and he goes, what?
The com link? I almost forgot.
I turned it off.
You're a fucking computer. You can't
forget.
You're a fucking computer.
You can't forget.
Asshole.
He's always being so traumatized, though,
by life and death situations that robots have freedom. I've been walking around with that since 1977.
All right, you want to talk about things that bother people?
When Sean Connery breaks everyone into Alcatraz,
he rolls through that fire that he timed in his head 40 years ago,
and then he goes inside and then he just opens that door.
So that means when he was coming out the first time,
he should have just gone through that door.
Like when they said, can you break us into Alcatraz?
You should be like, well, the last step was like a door that I think it locks from the
outside.
And then there's like a fire way, but so no, I can't break you into Alcatraz.
Okay.
I have one more.
Let me say with the one I know so that it doesn't seem like I'm stalling.
Shaft.
Whoa, Shaft.
Yeah, the remake.
I did not think it was the original.
Go, Dana, because I need time to think now.
There is no reason for Indiana Jones to be in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark.
His job in the movie is to prevent the Nazis from finding the Ark.
He fails.
The Nazis open the Ark, and the Ark defends itself.
The only possible thing that would have happened had he not shown up
was that they sent the Ark straight to Hitler, and there would have been no World War II.
It would be as if it's Star Wars Luke missed. Well, we tried.
I always like it too. When anybody around you, their faces are melting,
just scream, close your eyes
and you'll probably
get through it okay
yeah when I've seen
people's faces
start melting
if I shut my eyes
it tends to settle it down
and does anyone know
who untied them?
did that spooky ghost go, whoo?
Hang on.
Keep your eyes closed.
They didn't know that's what was going to happen when they found out.
Hang on, this is a shank.
Whoo?
Is that Christopher Lloyd?
That was also Jack Klugman.
I can't think of another one.
Jeff is our winner.
Jeff won the game.
I'm pretty sure there aren't too many left,
but we definitely missed something.
What did we miss, you guys?
Equilibrium.
Yeah.
Inglourious bastards.
What?
No, I have no idea.
Stop doing that.
This is my favorite part of the game, though.
Reign of fire.
Reign of fire.
I think of that as a McConaughey vehicle.
That and the dragons.
But that's...
Harsh times.
Public enemies.
Oh, public enemies harsh times public enemies
rescue dawn
oh yeah
little women
god damn it
see how hard this game is
there's always a ton left over
the duff
I think he's in the duff
he's not in the duff
what
310 to Yuma is great I love 310 to Yuma Not in the Duff. What?
310 to Yuma is great.
I love it. That's one of my favorite remakes.
310 to Yuma.
Yeah.
That is a great movie.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, Christian Bale doesn't get involved in too much shit.
Like, what's the worst Christian Bale movie?
Equilibrium.
Yep.
There's a guy who...
I didn't even know what that movie is.
I didn't say, what am I losing right now?
Whoever yelled equilibrium has not seen Shaft.
Dude, Shaft is kind of fun.
What's his name?
Jeffrey Wright is very entertaining in Shaft.
Like, almost Academy Award level, I thought, his performance.
Wait, who?
Jeffrey Wright.
I don't know who that is.
But you know the remake of Shaft, right?
Yeah. He was like the, uh,
he was like supposed to be Puerto Rican or something. What was his name?
Peoples. Yeah.
Oh, hey, I thought you, wait, wasn't that Busta Rhymes?
All I know about Shaft. you're talking about
the Sam Jackson shaft
yeah
yeah yeah yeah
one of the bad guys
is played by Jeffrey Wright
and it's a really
entertaining performance
that you forgot about
because you think
it's a shit movie
yeah
all I know about
shaft is
no one understands him
but his woman
that's the lyric in this
I've only not liked
one movie
I'm talking about John Shaft.
Yeah, that is weird.
You like everything
and then you pick on poor Shaft.
I'd say watch it again.
Okay, I'll watch it again for sure. It's not great though.
No, that's okay.
If it's just okay, I'll love it. I don't know why I'm defending it so much,
but I thought he was really good in it.
But let's do some plugs,
you guys. What do you got?
October 9th is the release date.
Did I remember that right?
Yeah, at a theater near you.
Yeah, it's called?
My All-American.
My All-American.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Josh?
Follow me on Twitter, at Josh Sneed.
S-N-E-E-D.
Double E.
And watch at midnight.
I'm not going to be on there, but I hope Chris Hardwick hears this and puts me on.
Points!
Thank you.
Yeah, Chris scours podcast for mentions of himself
and then you're in
no he has a bot that does that
Dana what's going on
you just talked your way out of being on at midnight
I have a little podcast
called the Dana Gould Hour
enjoy that it's free
and a bunch of other shit
you got a Twitter, right?
You don't take the summer off, do you?
I have a Twitter
No, I'm
No, yeah
At Dana Gould, believe it or not
On the Twitter
Cool
Again, free
Free jokes, you guys
Free jokes every day
Or when I feel like it
Jeff And a lot of pointless political rant Free jokes, you guys. Free jokes every day. Or when I feel like it.
Jeff?
And a lot of pointless political rant.
No, I don't do that.
Twitter.com.
Also, I'll be... Follow Jeff Tate from Queensryche on Twitter.
Yeah, yeah.
Or Jeff Tate 77 from this stage.
No, no, 77 is a fake me.
That's not me.
What?
I'm 96.
I'm Jeff Tate 96.
Oh, Jesus.
Jeff Tate 77 is a...
It's a parody account.
Yeah, it's a parody account.
Right?
I think it's flattering, right?
People only parody famous people but you see how happy
he is right all the time well the parody twitter account is just happy jeff tate tweets
so it's the antithesis of that so it's stuff like i just saw a lone ranger again
no that's that's on the 96 one that's on the real one. That's on the real one, the one I do. You have seen it
more than once? Yeah, man. He fucking rides that
horse onto a train and the train
is moving.
It's not even a stop
train. It's a moving
train. It's awesome.
As part of the post
credit sequence of San
Andreas, there's a scene where they're
filling in the fault with unsold
Tonto costumes from Halloween.
And then you see Tonto
with one tear.
He's just thinking about garbage.
Yeah, looking at garbage at the screening.
Yeah, I said it.
Woohoo!
July 9-12, I'll be at Go Bananas in Cincinnati
headlining for an hour
July 9-12 of this year
2015
so they're sitting around like
what if you call the club Bananas
no it's not enough
Go Bananas
we need to tell people what to do
yeah
Go To Bananas they named it in 1990 and that was when We need to tell people what to do. Go to bananas.
They named it in 1990
and that was when the audience
needed a little more direction.
That's when Uncle Fucker's Chuckle Hutch was not available.
Yeah, Trip Wingfield
wasn't just making him laugh on his own.
Sir Laughs-A-Lot was another one.
You don't have your little book for your...
Oh no, that's my only plug.
Also, I have a podcast about cheers.
Famous from famous, like,
L-E-T-S-G-O, let's go, let's go, L-E-T-S-G-O.
Yeah, yeah, be aggressive.
Be, be aggressive.
I like that they can spell be, but not aggressive.
Be aggressive. B- B, aggressive. I like that they can spell B but not aggressive. B, aggressive.
B, E,
aggressive.
Right? Well, you know, they're cheerleaders, Dana. They're like dead men.
So,
spelling is difficult.
Young dead men.
June 14th,
I'm going to be doing a Doug Loves Movies at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles at 420.
And I'm pretty sure it's going to be a Tournament of Championships edition.
DouglasMovies.com for all my dates and deets and links.
Thank you so much to all the panel, the audience, the Buskirk Chumley Theater. Limestone Comedy Festival.
Where's the person that Jeff was playing for?
Come get your very heavy prize bag.
Good luck with that.
If you can tell me what record store you're going to sell my albums to,
I'll buy them back before I leave.
All right. Listen to those albums. to sell my albums to, I'll buy them back before I leave. Alright.
Listen to those albums. Dana Gould is
the best.
It's a fact.
Oh, nuts to you.
Wow, good memory.
Alright. As always.
Eddie Redmayne is a shithead.
Tom Brady's flat balls are a shithead.
I guess I should have said that one last.
Tim McLaughlin sniffing his own foot is a shithead.
Play the theme.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing crowd was fakes in foggy.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.