Doug Loves Movies - Dave Foley, Arden Myrin, Gianni Paolo and Matt Besser guest
Episode Date: June 27, 2019Back at the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Dave Foley, Arden Myrin, Gianni Paolo and Matt Besser to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free ...month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie babies, sticky seats with 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, but Doug loves movies.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
I mean, you might as well be saying your name
followed by an I'm an alcoholic.
The way that sounded.
That was very, it was almost like dramatic.
We've had some dramatic and fun shows of late,
shows where people were too drunk or too high or too skanky.
And it's always great to be back here
in the loving arms of the Upright Sisters of the Great Theater
on Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles.
That's right.
Thank you.
You guys are here.
You're supporting this thing
that refuses to end.
Like, when's a good time to stop?
Like, movies are just going to keep going.
It's Tuesday, June 25th, I think, 2019, I'm pretty sure.
And I just got back from New York where the name tag game is super strong.
So, you know, you guys have that to contend with or be compared to.
What do you think?
What do we have tonight?
Do we have at least four?
We've got four guests.
Look at that over there.
Okay. Alright. It's not
the overwhelming scene
that it can be
in other cities, but
you guys are
you know what you're doing?
You're not fucking up a lot of trees.
You know?
You're just coming to the show
and enjoying it.
You don't have to make a big old poster.
Where's the...
Somebody came in from Lithuania,
or was that last night?
I think that was last night.
Oops.
Shout out.
Dug out to the Lithuanians
that were at the Gramercy Theater last night.
But thank you guys,
and good luck being chosen this evening.
Doug plugs.
Saturday, this Saturday, that'd be June 29th,
Doug Loves Movies returns to the Improv in Pittsburgh at 2 p.m.
It's a 2 p.m. show, you guys.
So, yeah, if you're thinking about flying out for it,
it'll be hard to make it.
Sunday,
Douglas movies will be part of the Del Close
Marathon that is
happening this weekend, all weekend long
at the UCB theaters in
Los Angeles. It's the first time they've done
the Del Close Marathon in
LA, and I'll be over at the
UCB Sunset this Sunday
at 420.
And I think you guys will be super
impressed with my guests tonight
and also
on Sunday.
Like, if you like what you see tonight, come on Sunday.
It's not going to be the same people. I'm not pulling that
dumb joke.
Although that would be funny to do.
And I'm doing
stand-up at the Funny Bone in Dayton, Ohio,
on Wednesday, July 3rd.
Celebrate Fourth of July Eve with me, Dayton.
Come on.
It's been a few years.
I had a great time doing a musical episode of Doug Loves Movies
last night in New York City.
And I want to give dugouts to all the Broadway stars
who couldn't make it
but said they'd come if it was
just any other day
but last night.
John Lithgow, Alex Brightman,
Laura Benanti, Megan Hilty, Will
Brill, Mark McClure, Rob McClure.
Who's Mark McClure?
Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Yeah, he responded in a tweet. He said
never stop asking.
And that, to me, sounds like he's never going to stop saying no.
But I'm going to hit them all up to appear on the 12 Guest episode in New York,
or if I hear any of them are out here in Los Angeles,
because I don't know if you guys know this, but Doug loves musicals.
And we've already got tickets on sale for the New York 12 Guests of Christmas on Sunday,
December 1st at 8 o'clock.
So snap those up.
That will sell out.
We might only do one there this year.
We've been doing too many of those, I think.
It's my professional opinion.
I'm going to talk about what's in the prize bag
along with my guests and what they brought for theirs
because I'm so anxious to get them out here.
Please give it up, everybody, for Dave Foley,
Arden Mearing, Gianni Paolo, and Matt Besser.
Hot group.
Hey, everybody.
Wow.
Yes.
Woo.
People are fired up.
I've got...
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've got three old bees
and one new bee
to the show today.
That'd be me.
And yeah, let's say hello to everybody.
First time ever at Douglas movies is Gianni Paolo.
Gianni.
Did I say that?
Pia Paolo.
Paolo.
Oh, for reals?
Everyone butches it.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that's quite a challenge.
Paolo.
Paolo.
Paolo.
I got it. A little? Paolo. Paolo. I got it.
A little bit.
Okay.
All right.
Gianni.
Star of, have you guys seen Ma?
This guy, one guy saw Ma.
Got one woke individual in this crowd.
Everyone else is like, I don't want to see the scary black lady.
Oh, I thought you meant when we popped out.
We've all seen Ma at some point.
Are you sitting behind me?
Sorry, Doug.
That's where the jokes like that come from.
Scooch down, everybody.
I'll just move the table.
I'll just move the table. I'll just move the table.
That worked out great.
I would have seen it,
but my family went to see it without me,
and I'm still bitter.
Oh, darn.
I'll send you a DVD.
All right.
Did they give you a review of it that you could repeat?
Well, I got home from being on the road and said,
hey, let's go see Ma.
And they all went silent
and eventually admitted that they went to see Ma. And they all went silent.
And eventually admitted that they went to see it as soon as I left town.
I have a shit family.
Fuck your family.
I know.
Yeah, that is pretty bullshit.
What do you play in Ma?
I play Chaz.
I play one of the high schoolers at parties at Ma's house.
I look like a Chaz, too, don't I, right?
Yeah.
See, I knew that was going to get a laugh because I do. It just sucks. Yeah, I used i look like a chaz too don't i right yeah yeah see that i knew that i was gonna get a laugh because i do it just sucks yeah i used to look like a chaz now i look like a mr humphries yeah gianni humphries but yeah gianni that's uh you know that's pretty smooth name right
there yeah people must not believe you.
Sounds like a fancy Johnny to me.
I thought I was ticking a racial box by having you on the show.
I thought you were going to be extremely ethnic.
I could not be more white.
I have to ask though,
fancy Johnny, that's an old timey term
for gay people, isn't it?
He's a real fancy Johnny.
Oh, that fella's a fancy Johnny,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, that's what I meant.
From the waist down, don't you know?
He's got a monocle on the end of his dick.
Okay, there it is.
No need to continue.
Thank you.
It's Artie Marine, everybody.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, Doug. Hi, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? I'm all right. Are you going skiing on a farm? I'm going skiing on a farm. Are you going corn skiing? You know it. I gotta go look for those fancy johnnies.
Get off of my farm! I run a homophobic farm, guys.
I run a homophobic farm, guys.
But it's organic.
It's organic.
It's organic.
It's organic.
It's like woke but not. Cancels out.
Woke but sleeping.
Yeah, there's so many farms, though, with the whole gay pride thing outside.
It's very welcoming.
True story.
To that community.
Yeah, for sure.
What's going on, Arden?
What have you been up to?
I just finished shooting season two of Insatiable.
Season two, y'all!
I just got back.
I've been in Atlanta. A lot of good
food in Atlanta.
I don't know.
That's your review
of Atlanta? I don't really know.
Oh, that's why Georgia was just in
the news. Yeah, all the
good treats. All the food.
They were thinking about not allowing half of the population to Yeah. All the good treats. The food. All the food. The food.
They were thinking about not allowing half of the population to have some of that good
food.
Yeah.
Yeah.
True story.
Yeah.
That's where I've been.
I just go wherever.
It's a hotbed of controversy.
Yeah.
Well, that's the thing is studios are threatening to stop filming in Atlanta.
I know.
Yeah.
I know.
And they'll do that when the Avengers stop being a thing.
Yeah.
Because that's their place.
You guys are doing
season three in North Korea,
right?
Kim Jong-un
loves Invincible.
Big fan.
He loves teen beauty pageants.
Loves it.
I hear he's a fancy Johnny too.
He does kind of look
like a fancy Johnny.
Don't kill me.
Please don't kill me.
Because I know he's a big fan of this podcast.
You don't
know. Apparently he likes pop culture.
I think he listens ever since
Seth Rogen was on.
Also
joining us, another regular
on the program, I'm proud to say
it's Dave Foley, everybody.
Yay!
Was I not supposed to say it's Dave Foley, everybody. Was I not supposed
to chime in until now?
Oh, you know.
You know how that goes.
It's in your game hall.
I'm not Jimmy Pardo.
You can talk
until that part.
That's why Mark Maron
records that part
with the person
not even there.
The guest isn't around
so he can talk
for as long as he wants
before he introduces his guest.
But what are you up to?
What's going on?
Not much.
You've got your own podcast with the unmentionable title.
Don't say.
Yeah, if you're looking it up, it's Don't Say with Paul and Dave.
And if you're actually listening to it,
it's Don't Say Cunt with Paul and Dave.
And it's a show where we provide a 45 minute gap in your day when you can be assured that you won't hear the word cunt but on this show you know I welcome cunt plugs right away right
out of the gate right out of the lunchbox c Cut plugs is our sole advertiser.
I remember when I was 13
and my mom gave me my first gun plug.
That's always a tender moment
for the mother and daughter.
Yeah, it was so sweet.
I was like, wow, it's really happening.
I've been out touring with the
Whose Line Is It Anyway guys.
Some of those guys out touring with those guys.
That's super fun.
A show called Whose Live Anyway.
May I say you have a nice head of hair without sounding creepy?
Thank you.
I didn't think it sounded creepy at all until you said that it might be creepy.
Or try it again and sound creepy.
Nice hair.
You got a nice, wow, you got a nice head of hair. I'd like to touch it. Thank you. I'd like to touch it. No, you got a nice head of hair.
I'd like to touch it.
No, you got a nice head of hair.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
She meant pubic hair.
That's why it's creepy, folks.
It's a podcast.
He's a pantsless.
Yeah.
Huge bush.
Sorry.
Gross tonight.
I'm so gross tonight.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Very blue.
70s bush.
You look like you'd have a white haired bush.
With a monocle.
It's getting there.
It's getting there.
It's in transition.
Does the silverware match the napkins?
Yes.
And the napkin rings are in fact cock rings.
I wish it was two napkin rings.
It keeps everything tidy. Sure. You it was two napkin rings. Yeah.
It keeps everything tidy.
Sure.
You gotta do
what you gotta do.
Yeah.
All right, Dave.
Well, congratulations.
You got both of the
C words in really quick.
Almost immediately.
You're like the
C&C Music Factory
over there.
C&C Music Factory.
Is that what that
stood for?
Yep.
Cocks and Cunts
Music Factory.
Yep.
Give it up, everybody, for Matt Besser!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
What's going on, dude?
Last time I was on, I was trying to get everybody to go to Portland
to see my stand-up special taping, and I did it!
Thanks, Doug, for getting people there.
They really went? Yeah, they really
went. The only reason I'm here is because
Doug loves movies.
Okay. Yeah, that's
what I did. That's what I've been doing.
This weekend's a big weekend here for
your theater.
It so is. Del Close Marathon, first time
in Los Angeles. You're doing
Del Close movies. We're doing all of our
podcasts in the Inner Sanctum doing Doug Loves Movies. We're doing all of our podcasts in the inner sanctum at
sunset during the day.
Daytime shows.
Late night bitch shows.
Mine's at 420, of course.
Of course. But it's the Loves
Movies show, but it's still at 420.
Yeah. It doesn't matter.
I promise I'll be high.
Yeah.
I like to keep everybody happy, if possible.
What do you got for the prize bag, Matt Besser?
In honor of Del Close Marathon, I brought a Facebook.
It's one of our shows, the Facebook show anniversary baseball T-shirt.
They've done 650 shows, and they're going to be doing a show at DCM.
I couldn't bring a shirt for every show
but that's one of them right there, folks.
Pretty sweet.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
That's going to go really nice.
That's going to go super nice with a
Getting Doug With High sweatshirt.
Nice.
Yeah, look at that. Someone's walking out of here
dressed. Warm.
Yes, and warm. just in time for summer
all those long sleeve items you crave this time of year what do you got gianni i have a t-shirt
from the tv show that i am on called power um so i have a t-shirt and um i can guarantee that
it was touched by 50 cents so that's pretty cool wow yeah he sent it to me so
so yeah you will get a t-shirt wait he's in charge of his own shipping
he does all the customer service if you call the line and you didn't get something you'll get 50
cents so yeah i love it johnny yeah it's coming in i got that hook up you know it's beautiful
i mean we got three layers here now yeah how much could you charge if he like
guaranteed that he wore each shirt for 10 seconds oh and there's a video clip of him for the entire
10 seconds how much would he charge you yeah how much would he charge for that i don't know 50 cents
yeah yeah i feel like that's the safe answer to go with all right the t-shirt's 20 so i'd say 40.
i would say at least 40 for 10 seconds of his body on it. Yeah. Good. I'm glad we're on the same page
right now. That's quite a markup from 50 cents.
Yeah, I think he should
bring me in his marketing.
He should. Yeah, I'm pretty smart. I didn't know
until now that I have this
gift. That's good.
I did the
Josh Wolf's show
Controlled Chaos
today, his video podcast,
and he gives you a pair of Pumas
for being on the show.
Oh.
Every time you get new Pumas.
So I got these today.
These are brand new ones.
You get America Pumas.
Yeah, they really are.
To me, I thought they looked like
two little Carnival Cruise Line ships.
Oh, shit. I haven't done the splits in a while
I thought you had a broken ankle
No I mean
Yeah they're the high tops
And they got the velcros
And so it's really
It's a bit much for me
But I wore shitty shoes to the studio
Knowing I was getting new ones
And then I threw out the shitty ones
And I have to wear these all night
But they're still It's still pretty cool that he works it out the studio knowing I was getting new ones and then I threw out the shitty ones and I have to wear these all night.
But it's still pretty cool that he works it out. But he also
gave me something I'm just going to turn around
and give you guys.
Not the Cheepa Chews. He gave me
a mug
that says Darth Vader on it
and it's like a little baby version
of Darth Vader.
Yeah, see?
You guys see me into it, so there you go.
And a Doug Loves Movies sticker and from my recent tour, a Cannabis and Cheese Tour poster.
What do you have for us, Arden?
Pants, I hope.
I have a popcorn man, because I know you love movies.
Yeah.
Look at that little fella.
Yeah, that's her.
The movie lover.
It's a movie lover.
It's weird.
Don't eat me.
Have you touched this yet, man?
It looks like a depressed character from Toy Story.
It doesn't feel like it should feel.
It should be more of a plush thing
more of a soft thing.
It's really fucked up.
Feels like a Christmas
ornament.
It's really fucked up.
Yeah.
I guess you're supposed
to dangle his legs
like an elf on the shelf
or some shit.
Because you love movies.
Look at him go.
Let's all go to the
lobby popcorn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I also brought
here.
Check it out.
Here's what it sounds
like if it falls off the table.
Great.
Oh.
Yeah, it's heavy.
It's heavy.
It's really heavy.
Yeah.
You got a little dog.
They kind of look like your shoes.
Look at them.
They do.
It really goes with my shoes.
Somebody get a picture of that.
It really does look like the shoes.
He's wearing your shoes.
Yeah, we're dressed the same.
You know, that little popcorn guy I just abused. If you were to use his legs as laces.
I also brought you, I was with the original Fancy Johnny, Lance Bass, earlier today.
And I got him to sign something for you.
It says, I love you, Doug Benson.
Stay classy, Lance Bass.
And it's a mask of my face Benson it's a mask of my face
it's a mask of your face
Paget Brewster
gave that to me
she ordered that
and
I don't
I don't know
is that mask produced somewhere
somebody
she found
I think she's the only person
who's ever bought it
yeah she bought it somewhere
yeah it says right on the back
celebrity cutouts
art and marine mask
that
she bought that
because we do podcasts together and then
I was with him doing my podcast and he
signed that for you. I love you, Doug
Benson. Love Lance Bass. Stay classy.
See, this feels like something I should keep, not put
in the prize bag. I mean, it was a prize.
It's up to you if you need it or not. I mean, it's
written to me. I know.
From Lance Bass on
your face.
It's up to you.
A more unique item hardly exists in the world.
Do you need to keep that?
I'm going to put your face right over here.
Great.
Looks like a good way to get in a ladies' night.
Can you imagine?
Let me read it.
Wait a minute.
Why is your face autographed?
That's odd.
That's the only thing that... That's the only telltale...
Well, my face is autographed because Lance Bass loves Doug Benson.
It's self-explanatory, sir, so let me in.
And he wants you to stay classy.
All right, Matt.
Oh, wait, Dave.
I'm still here.
Dave's still here.
You brought a really good present.
I brought a gift.
It was a Father's Day present that my family actually...
Your family hates you anyway.
They saw Mom without you.
They hate you.
And they actually forgot to give it to me on Father's Day.
They really hate you.
And then when I got home from being on the road, they gave it to me.
It's a little drone.
I mean, that's a good present.
Yeah. And it's being re-gift mean, that's a good present.
Yeah, and it's being re-gifted because I tried
to fly it.
And it still flies.
It has been tenderly smashed
into every wall in my house.
But it's still
totally functional with all the
parts in there. So there you go.
You get a little helicoid.
You just
got out of the game?
It's not working out for you?
No, it made me feel really inadequate.
Are you just mad at them
because they saw Ma without you
and you're giving them their prize?
Yes.
They're lucky I come home anymore.
You cannot let it go.
They're just very difficult to control?
It's very, very difficult to control.
And there's no real pleasure
in it.
Yeah,
what's the win?
What's the win
when you get it to work?
Eventually you get good at,
it not,
it doesn't hit a wall.
Yeah.
And then you just go,
So it's an indoor,
it's an indoor thing?
You can fly it indoors.
I was.
Sounds like that might
have been your problem.
Yeah,
I think that's the issue.
It wasn't working
to my benefit, I'll say that.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
But it's, yeah, I'm not a skilled drone pilot.
When you flew yours, did you fly yours outside?
That's a good, I was telling in the green room that I got one at a festival and I broke
it immediately.
They're hard.
They're difficult, right?
I got one from that same festival.
It's just been sitting and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just like, when am I going to...
When's it going to be like, oh, shit, it's drone day.
I better get my drone on.
Yeah, I'm just spying on my neighbors.
How will I do it?
Well, this one's got a camera on it, right?
It does have a camera.
Does yours have a camera on it?
This one has a camera.
This one's got a camera on it.
You can really spy on people.
Yeah, you can...
Well, you can stand up, but you can't view it while it's flying.
You have to spy on them and then bring it back and then put it into a computer.
So it's a little bit of work.
So it's going to be, yeah, by the time you're jerking off to the edge of your neighbors.
Peep and Tom, it's not like dainies anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They've probably passed on.
It's still easier just to sneak into people's houses during the day.
Get up in the attic, drill a hole.
Watch their jack off there in their attic.
Yeah.
Leave the next day when they're at work.
Do you remember when Robert Downey Jr. took a nap in his neighbor's house?
Great. Loved it. Loved it!
Loved it! Wait, is that a real thing?
Yeah, he came home, his neighbors came home,
and there's fucking Iron Man napping in their
maid's room. The best! I love it.
Was he Iron Man at the time?
No. I think it was pre-Iron Man.
Yeah, it was before his comeback. That was sort of a bottom.
It was during the part of his career where
people would actually call the police.
Yeah, that was a great bottom, though.
If you're going to do it,
the Mad Napper, love it.
MathMesser?
Yes.
What was the last movie you saw?
I saw...
I feel like it's always a sci-fi movie
made for Netflix, I'm telling you about.
But once again,
I Am Mother on Netflix. Anyone?
Oh, I haven't seen it yet.
A couple people, yeah.
I liked it. And my wife didn't
think she'd like it. She's like, I'm gonna read a book.
And then she started watching
it. Yeah.
Fuck books. Fuck you, books.
Yeah. Books don't work.
Yeah, you know the boss of me, books.
Yeah, she starts asking me Questions so
What's her character
Talking about
I'm like you like it
Yeah
Yeah
I was reading a book
And my girlfriend
Just started reading it
Over my shoulder
And read the rest of it
With me
Wait she just read
The ending of the book
We had the opposite problem
She didn't read any of it
Gianni
Gianni Oh Gianni I wanted to go on that trip Come of it, Gianni.
Gianni.
Oh, Gianni. I wanted to go on that trip.
Little Gianni.
Don't be so naive.
That's a good thing you're cute, Gianni.
Oh, Gianni.
The girls don't like Gianni.
Go get me a t-shirt for 50 cents, Gianni.
But you recommend this movie?
I do.
Okay.
Their problem with their sci-fi movies, there's only like one
or two people in all their sci-fi movies.
But this time it works.
There's a robot too. Yeah. Okay.
But that robot is the suit.
There's a man inside that
robot. Oh really? That was not a
real robot? No. Spoiler alert.
Amazing. I saw the, what's his
name from
Mythbusters. Interviewing the guy who built the suit. Oh really? And was the actor inside the suit. I saw the, what's his name, from Mythbusters,
interviewing the guy who built the suit.
Oh, really?
And was the actor inside the suit as well.
Oh, for real?
Yeah, they built it so it did not look like a man inside a robot suit,
but it was a robot suit.
This does not sound like a real movie.
Yeah.
What's it called again?
I am Mother.
With an exclamation point?
I am Ma. Yeah, Ilamation point? Ma. I am Ma.
Oh, sorry. That's alright.
I saw Iron Ma because the N
fell off of the marquee when I went to Iron Man.
So, uh...
What were we up to? Arden, what was the last...
Oh, no, Gianni, what was the last movie you saw?
I saw a Toy Story, um...
Toy Story 4 child's play back-to-back on Friday.
Oh, I thought you were saying that was the full title.
No.
Part 4, Toy Story 4 Child's Play.
I saw Toy Story 4 and then Child's Play right after it.
Okay.
Those are like a weird movie to watch.
Which one's scarier?
The ending of Toy Story 4 was really scary and sad
so I think that was
the scariest part
Chelsea hasn't seen it
no I'm sorry
I won't spoil anything
I hear it will make you cry
yeah
I hear it's one of those
books
it wasn't even like
she's wincing
she's wincing
it wasn't earned
I just
I didn't like it
okay
I can't believe
all the toys die
in a big fire
fire at the toy
factory we talked about that in the green room I said that we were gonna
spoil it I'm sorry I heard no one cries at the end of ma yeah no one cries
can't judge every movie by that mm-hmm Arden was less movie you saw I saw
Rocketman nice I loved it. Nice. I loved it.
So fun, right?
I loved it so much.
I really loved it.
Really refreshing to see a biopic about a famous rich person that's all fucked up on drugs.
And then they live.
Yeah, they live.
He just continues to live.
He just gets to live.
It's like a happy ending.
You're watching the shitty parts going, it's going to be fine.
You're like, wait, he's going to be okay?
That'd be cool if they had Elton John dying at the end.
Yes!
Yeah, right after adopting a baby.
He's like, that's the real story.
Yeah.
I loved it.
I cried.
I listened to the soundtrack.
I loved it.
Loved it.
Does he sing?
The actor sings, though.
He did everything.
And it was really sort of, they had magical realism. They just nailed it. Loved it. Does he sing? The actor sings, though. He sang. He did everything. And it was like really sort of they had like magical realism.
They just nailed it.
The costumes were great.
It was great.
Was it better than Bohemian Rhapsody?
I mean, I loved Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I think as a movie, it's a better movie.
Yeah.
To me.
Do you guys agree?
Scandalous.
Did you guys see it?
Yeah.
I think it's a better movie.
I love Bohemian Rhapsody.
But like this actual movie was like, wow.
It was great.
Well, Bohemian Rhapsody is a series of scenes where we can watch Freddie Mercury do it.
Yeah.
Whereas the things that happen in Rocketman, we can't watch Elton John do it.
Because he's still alive.
Because it would be weird that he's trying to play a young man.
But also, you know, like the musical numbers give it, again, also
they don't have the fact
that he does live at the end.
So they had to do something.
So far.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So far.
That's right.
Dave Bowley's going to kill
all the time this weekend.
This movie can turn sad
any day now.
Yeah.
This Delco's Marathon
is going to take a weird
turn Saturday night.
No.
Nobody curse Elton John.
No.
They can make an addendum.
I loved it. I haven't seen it.
It's so good. It was really fun.
What's the best song?
You know what?
I'm going to say, I thought the Border song
really got
me. And I loved, I also
Tiny Dancer, obviously
is always so good
but the one where they were at the Troubadour right
or were they and they
starts floating just the way they shot that
was just magic
go by there today that place looks
the same they didn't even have to change anything
it was great yeah this is gonna be the
most millennial thing you guys have ever heard but
the only Elton John song I've ever
listened to was Stand by Eminem.
It's the only
Elton John song I know.
Are you fucking kidding me? I swear to God.
And then I watched
the trailer to Rocket
Man, and they sang Rocket Man
in the trailer, and I was like, oh, that sounds good.
Wait a minute. You know Hakuna Matata,
my friend? How old of a human are you? He's like that guy in the trailer and I was like, oh, that sounds good. Wait a minute. You know Hakuna Matata, my friend?
How old of a human are you?
He's like that guy in the movie Yesterday,
but it's Elton John
and he's the only one
who doesn't know.
He's like sitting around
going lonely.
It seems to be
the saddest word.
Gianni and the Jets.
That's your new
theme song song my friend
just wrote it for you
he doesn't know it
he literally didn't know it
when he did it
how old are you Gianni
I'm 23
shut the fuck up
wow
wow
that's how you do it
23
I have regrets
older than you
that's how you do it that's how you do it that's how you do it.
That's how you do it.
That's how you do it.
That's how you do it, John.
Yeah, rule number one in show business, be young.
Once you've achieved that, the world is your oyster.
That's how you do it.
I don't know nothing about no Elton John.
That's how you do it.
He didn't know Benny and the Jets.
When you sing Johnny and the Jets, he didn't know it.
That's the first time he's heard that song.
He thinks it's his song.
But also, who is your Elton John song?
Oh, my God.
Who was with the Jets?
J-J-J-J-Johnny and the Jets.
The Johnny.
J-J-Johnny.
Oh, I get it.
I get it now.
He's a fancy Johnny.
Now I get it.
He's a fancy Johnny.
All right, what's happening?
I don't know.
Oh, Dave is going to tell us his most recent movie experience.
Last night with my family, who I guess I do still love
we patched things up
yeah we watched
Spider-Man
into the Spider-Verse
oh
finally
I had not seen it
and
it
was
it lived up to the hype
it's pretty nifty
it's really good
yeah
it's very cool
and yeah
and other than that
I watched
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
on a
flight from boston the day before i lost you somehow no i'm just i'm just doing the the time
so like the entire flight was yeah it was a long because it's like a three hour movie yeah so what
did you do is it rude to ask what you did with the other three hours? Well, I'm a little embarrassed, but I watched Unbreakable as well.
Really?
Yeah.
Bruce Willis and M. Night.
Have you seen Glass?
No, I haven't.
That's why I watched Unbreakable, because I wanted to prepare myself for Glass.
I thought you were talking about Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
I thought you had Netflix on the phone.
No, no, no.
Oh, Johnny.
Oh, Johnny.
Come on.
Oh, Johnny. Thank you, johnny she was on another show before
that carol kane no no no yes she was too uh i didn't know that yeah break was uh kimmy schmidt
you know she was on the office yeah and paul mccartney yeah paul mccartney was in the beatles
what are you doing, Matt?
Are you studying up for the game portion of the show?
I am.
Doing a little last minute cramming?
I was just trying to think of some songs to turn Gianni on to.
Oh my God.
There's so much music we can teach him.
Oh my God.
I could have said something about Paul McCartney,
but I don't want to lose everyone.
You don't know who he is?
No.
Lose him. Lose him. I know who Paul McCartney is
through an episode of Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
Shut the fuck up.
No. Are you fucking kidding me?
Shut your
fucking mouth.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Paul McCartney is that guy.
An audience member just did a getting up and leave take on that.
It was brilliant.
He was out the door.
He's got to get somewhere else to do more Eddie Pepitone cosplay.
So what did he do?
But holy shit.
So he came.
What did he play on Suite Life?
Did he play Paul McCartney?
In Suite Life of Zack and Cody?
Yeah.
No.
So there was an episode where Paul McCartney? In Suite Life with Zack and Cody? Yeah. No, he, so there was an episode
where Jesse McCartney
was there,
but the mom of the show
was like,
oh my God,
Paul McCartney's here?
And they're like,
no, Jesse McCartney's here.
And I didn't know
who Paul McCartney was.
I was like,
why was she so excited?
And then I Googled
who he was
and he's pretty famous.
Oh my God.
Yeah, he was in Wings.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
He's that, he's that, he's that Uncle Albert. Oh my God. He sang Uncle Albert.
He's the nice old man that Kanye West helped out.
Wow.
Yesterday, see that movie Yesterday?
It'll be a real trip for you.
Yeah.
Oh my God, these songs are fucking nuts.
You can relate to every character in the movie
except for that one guy who remembers the Beatles.
Do you have a Rhode Island accent, Johnny?
Do you think I do?
I don't know.
I don't know if I do.
People say that I sound just American.
They don't say that I sound like from the East Coast or Boston.
But sometimes when I get angry, people can hear it.
Do you have a Rhode Island accent?
Yeah, we're both from Rhode Island.
We found this out backstage.
I could get one.
But I mean, I heard when you said American, I thought, oh, he's got it.
A little bit. I mean, by the fucking water slides, I'm a swanky.
Yeah, motherfucker.
I'll pee your fucking car.
He's got a little bit of a Franco accent.
Oh, okay.
Francis?
James or... Oh, I thought you meant Dave Franco. I don't know who Dave Franco accent. Oh, okay. Francis? James or...
Oh, I thought you meant
Dave Franco.
I don't know who James is.
Yeah, Dave Franco.
You could do a mean
Dave Franco impression.
James is too old for me.
I'm more of a Dave guy.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
He's the kid.
He's the little one.
Wow.
If I try to kill myself
by jumping off a UCB,
it's not tall enough,
I'll just break my femur, right?
I can't believe. How is this happening? How is this happening? It's come to this. It's come to this.
Next time you're on, you want me not have any children on the show?
I actually like Dionne.
I tried to talk my daughter into coming back.
Yeah, she did the show when she was eight years old.
She was one of the best guests we've ever had.
That's why she hasn't been invited back.
And she knew more about
Ellen John than I did.
But how old is she now?
Sixteen.
Oh, man.
And you guys get along great.
We do.
That says a lot for you.
I heard it's a bad time.
Did you watch Pretty Little Lies?
Big Little Lies.
The new one?
I watch Pretty Little Liars
and Big Little Lies.
I alternate between episodes.
And I pretend that it's the same cast in both shows
but they take place at different times.
All right, well, this is the part where I say,
turn it off, Bird.
Let the games begin!
We've got so many name tags
for you guys to choose from.
I apologize you have to choose from. I apologize.
You have to physically get up and go select one that you like the best.
Do you know the movie The Right Stuff, Gianni?
Of course you don't.
I don't know any of these.
Of course you don't.
Oh, my goodness.
Who's got a movie that's been on the last year or two on their thing?
Gianni might like that.
But we're going to go to a brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
I'll be in
Cincinnati
for
four fun shows.
Three stand-up shows,
one Douglas movies,
all at Go Bananas
on July 5th and 6th.
You know how to go to DougLovesMovies.com for more info, right?
Back to the show.
We're back.
So who are you playing for, Matt?
James and the Giant James.
And he made a peach here.
And it's on a peach.
Looks like he graduated from the fourth grade and made this.
Thank you, James.
There's a peach-shaped Blake spot on the refrigerator tonight.
Looks like a little naked bottom.
That's beautiful, James.
Do you go by James? Jim. Jim. Looks like a little naked bottom. That's beautiful, James.
Do you go by James?
Jim.
That's really weird.
You put James twice on there.
Your name is Jim.
Yeah, he's really selling the James thing.
Might as well have said, I go by Giant.
And they call me Peach.
What do you got there, Gianni?
I got Grandma's Brian.
Instead of Grandma's Boy.
Yes.
You know that movie?
I do know that movie. Okay, cool.
It's a great movie.
It sure is.
It's good.
But it's also got a Snickers attached to it.
Yeah, it's got a Snickers on it.
I knew that company,
so I was like,
I'm going to get the Snickers.
Do you like that flavor?
Is that white chocolate?
It's almond, yeah.
Almond?
Yep.
Is that not how you say it? Do you know that flavor? Is that white chocolate? It's almond, yeah. Almond? Yep. Almond.
Is that not how you say it? Do you know the Almond Brothers band?
Almond.
Almond, yes.
Almond.
Almond.
Do they not say it like that anymore?
I don't know. I gotta keep gotta keep up with i think it's like
you know potato potato one way is right one way is wrong yeah
there's some doozies in that song i just heard that song again recently and some of them are
like come on yeah well no you are smart and i am not yeah. No one anywhere in the world says potato.
No one.
You don't want to hang out with them if they do.
You do not want to hang out with them.
No one says tomato, sure.
But no one says potato.
They just did it for the fucking rhyme and it's a lie.
Racist.
Uncle Alman.
I already got one of two.
I picked him because there's two My Blue Kevins.
There's six name tags and two of them are the same.
Same movie, same guy.
Doug Benson and Dale Cheeseman.
It's a podcast about a stone guy who likes movies
and a dude with cheese in his name.
Dale Cheeseman, is that you?
No, no, no.
He's Kevin.
Oh.
Wow.
He's just writing a lot about me and my friend Dale for some reason.
Okay, great.
There we go.
It's like very short fanfic.
Okay, great.
All right, Kevin, I got you.
She's going to play for you, so good luck, Kevin.
Calm down, Kevin. All right, Kevin, I got you. She's going to play for you, so good luck, Kevin. Calm down, Kevin.
Kevin can wait.
Kevin, this is Tim and she has to be playing for him.
Kevin obviously can wait.
All dogs go to Kevin.
Kevin's game.
I'm in Kevin, Kevin.
Dave, who are you playing for?
Oh, it doesn't matter.
Uh-oh.
It's got a lot of stuff glued to it.
I know.
I'm playing for Jesus Chris Superstar.
There you go.
Yeah, which I was originally attracted to because I met Ted Neely recently.
Oh, from Jesus Chris Superstar.
Which was very cool to play Jesus.
But it's got all sorts of food on it.
And you've got a vape pen. I just got of food on it. And you got a vape pen.
I just got a little dosage.
Nice little dose vape pen.
It's the Bliss one.
Oh, that's nice.
That's weed, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Bliss is the best, Dave.
Sometimes I go there looking for Bliss, and all they got is like...
Like sleep?
Sleep or seduce, what is it?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Seduce.
Oh, shake uncontrollably
is one of them.
I would love to bump into you
at Gelson smoking a seduce.
It's like when I want to get bliss,
I don't want seduce.
I can only smoke CBD.
I love CBD.
So let's give this one to Matt.
Yeah.
Thank you, Dave.
There you go.
There you go.
There's your bliss.
Why do you want to know?
Don't you mind about the know? Don't you mind
about the future?
Don't you try to think ahead.
My dream is to be Judas.
Yeah.
Well, just make friends with somebody
and then, you know, do something shitty to them.
Just for practice. Great.
Jesus Christ.
I think that's how that story went, right?
Yeah, that's exactly right every
time I watch Jesus Christ Superstar like those songs are pretty but I don't know
what the fuck they're singing about yeah I did not do the pre-reading really
awesome guy love that nearly he was great yeah very nice guy yeah right oh
that's about Jesus it's the whole story. Yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, I loved it.
Like, as a kid, I loved singing it because, you know,
singing the words Jesus Christ Superstar sounds like you're swearing.
Oh, yeah.
And then you even say, who the hell do you think you are?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My wife and I showed it to our daughter one Easter because she didn't know what Easter was about.
We thought, well, we'll show her this.
Oh, my God, it's so good.
Educating her about what Easter is about.
Yeah, a double bill with hop.
Yeah.
So good.
A crazy man ran.
Scared her to death.
Crazy, crazy.
Why would they celebrate this?
She was like horrified.
Wait a minute,
do you know who Jesus is?
That's why I've been quiet
this whole time.
I don't know who Jesus is.
He's not as big as the Beatles.
That was established
in the 60s.
Yeah.
And he's almost as famous as his dad.
Okay, so what's the name on your name tag?
What?
Chris.
Who is it?
Chris.
As in Jesus Chris.
Jesus Chris.
Jesus Chris Superstar.
At least it wasn't Jesus James. That just wouldn't work. I'm a big fan of the Jesus Chris Ste Jesus Chris. Jesus Chris superstar. At least it wasn't Jesus James.
That just wouldn't work.
I'm a big fan
of the Jesus Chris
steakhouse.
That's who you guys
are playing for.
I got a few
quick games for us to play.
Good luck, Chris.
Good luck, Kevin.
I hope you like losing.
Thanks for no candy, Kevin. I hope you like losing. Thanks for no candy, James.
If Johnny beats us, we are...
I don't know one movie that anyone's said
in the past 20 minutes,
so I think you guys are good.
I didn't know what any of that
Jesus Chris superstar thing was.
Don't worry, don't worry.
I think you'll get this,
because all of the
questions tonight
are about
birth of a nation.
I was at the premiere.
Were you there?
I was.
I don't want to
eat that one, no.
Okay, we're going to
start with a game.
I can eat all this food
while we do this, right?
Do it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, have fun. Are you going to smoke vape all right if you're eating I sure Matt's gonna seduce me on stage after he starts smoking his vape say is
that but have you tried that is that packaging hard to open or is it just me
it is it's very hard to open so why you won't open it right now? No, I don't want to look stupid.
Oh, I'm good. Thank you.
Oh, I'm good.
Looks like something Bill Murray just got out of the pool.
That was from a very popular movie in the 80s. I know that one.
Called Caddyshack.
I know that one.
And somebody shat in the pool.
It was a baby Ruth, though.
It was a baby Ruth.
Nobody shat in the pool. Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield shat in the pool. He shat in the pool. It was a baby root. Nobody shat in the pool.
Rodney Dangerfield
was a guy who shat in the pool.
That's what happened.
There was a gopher.
Rodney Dangerfield had that day off.
His character does not appear in that.
And Bill Murray's in that too, right?
Bill Murray, he's the groundskeeper.
And I know Bill Murray from Zombieland.
I can't. That's how you do it. I'm Bill Murray from Zombieland, so. I'm gonna I can't.
That's how you do it. I'm gonna stay with it.
That's how you do it. Stick with my guns.
That's how you do it.
You're doing great. You're doing so good.
I'm alright.
Give me
a little gopher.
Nobody's worried about me.
I had that dance.
Oh, my God.
It's so stupid.
Like, the movie's over,
and you're just watching a puppet gopher dance.
Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you are.
I did.
I watched it.
It's got like,
you know,
it's like a sex comedy.
It's got a little gopher
running around.
I will list the characters.
Ellie, we're going to play
Characters Welcome.
I'm going to list
the characters
from Emotion Pictures
and Credits.
Oh, God.
First one on stage
to guess the correct title
wins.
Guess as often as you'd like
what movie
has these characters
in the credits
there's a cook
thief
Ratatouille
see that's what we're looking
for Gianni
is any movie
Still waiting
You mean waiting
Or a sequel
I'm still waiting
Oh they did do a sequel
That didn't play in theaters though did it
Big night
Chef
No reservations
See you guys are great
You're naming a bunch of movies That it's going to clearly not be after I say.
News anchor.
Although, could be a news anchor in one of those.
So you're saying this is a famous news anchor.
Morning Glory.
I don't even know what's happening.
These are characters.
Are we in the middle of a game?
These are characters.
These are characters.
Yeah, you've been given funny.
Broadcast news. What's like the funniest credit you've had in the middle of a game? The characters. These are characters. Yeah, you've been given funny... Broadcast news.
What's like the funniest credit you've had
at the end of a movie?
Horny badger.
You know, like...
In year one, I think it was Man in Crowd 1 or something.
Yeah, so this is kind of...
I was a horny badger.
And then they replaced me.
I wasn't horny enough.
Wait, but you're still in the credits
maybe that was
the stupidest offer
that I got
and then they replaced me
cause like watch
I was like
that's not my voice
a cook
a news anchor
magenta
oh
oh I
wait
I know
there's a color
she knows it
no no I know
she thinks it's
Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Fuck you, Doug.
I got excited.
I never would have guessed.
I got to figure Magenta's credit would be a lot further up than like third from the last.
These are not in order.
They're not in order.
Not in order.
But it is.
This game is stupid.
Yeah, it is dumb. How am I supposed to guess now? In no order. In no order. In in order. You're not in order. Not in order. But it is. This game is stupid. Yeah, it is dumb.
How am I supposed to guess now?
In no order.
In no order.
In no order.
There's someone called Ethan.
Oh, fucking Ethan.
That guy.
Ethan.
There's a Zach.
Cody.
Someone named Penny.
Oh.
Almost famous?
No.
Good guess.
Yeah, see? Where'd you pull that one out of? Yeah. Tiny name. A Machine Gun Kelly song. Oh Almost Famous? No Good guess Yeah see
Where'd you pull that one out of?
Yeah
A Machine Gun Kelly song
That's how I know that
Tiny Dancer is that song
in Almost Famous
by Elton John
Yeah on the bus
they all start singing
Yeah
This movie's got a
someone called
Little Larry
The Incredibles
The Three Stooges
One of them was named Larry Very good John The Incredible. The Three Stooges.
One of them was named Larry.
Very good, Gianni.
I'm killing it.
There was someone called Gwen Grayson.
Also someone named Coach Boomer.
Coach Boomer. Sky High.
That is correct.
Wow. I would never get that. I don Sky High. That is correct. Wow.
I would never get that.
I don't know what that movie is.
The next name on the list is Mr. Boy,
the character played by Dave Foley.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
This feels rigged.
Wow. There. rigged. Wow.
There.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't blame you for not remembering that Cook was in there.
But come on, Dave Magenta, you had a scene with her.
He just like, not my line, not my line.
Mr. Boomer, my line.
I wasn't Boomer.
No, you weren't Boomer.
No, that was Bruce Campbell.
Bruce Campbell was great. Bruce Campbell. And McDonald's in it, too.
But I thought it would be fun to see how long it would take Dave to figure it out.
But also, I also just wanted to bring it up because, you know, have you seen Sky High,
I love Sky High.
There you go.
See, I think it transcends generations.
I think it's super fun.
I don't know Sky High.
The cast is amazing.
Kurt Russell. Genius concept. Genius concept. You're lying. Have don't know who this guy is. The cast is amazing. Kurt Russell.
It's a genius concept.
Genius concept.
You're lying.
Have you seen it?
Yeah, no, I've seen it.
What did you see?
You play a principal or a gym teacher?
I was Mr. Boy.
I was All-American Boy and the teacher, head of the sidekick.
That's who it was.
I remember you now.
Yep.
Yep.
Mr. Medulla.
That's Kevin.
Was in there.
Yeah.
Principal Powers. But anyway. That was Wonder Woman. It's great. Medulla was in there. Yeah, Principal Powers.
But anyway.
That was Wonder Woman.
It's great.
You should check it out, Arden.
That's fun.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, now it's time to play.
So Dave gets to go first in this next game because he won.
Then we'll let you go next, Arden, so it's no big deal.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Yeah, you're still in this.
Matt, not so much.
Sorry, James.
Everybody gets to guess in a round of
How Long Is It?
Oh, boy.
This is fun.
Okay.
Here we go.
I'm going to say a thing.
You each get to guess how long it is.
Oh, boy.
In a minute?
You don't want to go over.
Like Price is Right.
Price is Right rules.
Yeah.
Closest without going
over. Dave gets to go first.
Alright.
How long has it been
between
Tom Hanks'
first VO
sessions as
Woody in Toy Story 4
and the film's
release this past weekend?
I'm going to guess...
And this is from experience.
You're in the
Pixar voice.
Four and a half years.
He's going four and a half, Arden. What do you think?
There's a storm running through Arden's head.
I'm going to do...
Arden did the wind in Toy Story 4.
I got replaced.
I got replaced.
Okay.
I'm going to say...
By a balloon?
By a badger?
By a horny badger.
An actual horny badger.
Just humping everything.
Four years.
One month. Four years and one month
oh
wait Gianni
what do you think
animation is a style
of film where
wait you're saying
you're saying
the first movie ever
no no no
this is part four
how long
yeah
it's basically
everyone's gonna be like
oh it takes that long
I'm going to say
four years, six months.
That's what I said.
He said six months or four years?
He said four and a half years.
They don't use that anymore.
They don't use that anymore.
4.5 years.
Thank you.
Can I change mine?
Can I change mine? Sure. I'm going to do three and a5 years. Thank you. Now I know that. Can I change mine? Can I change mine? Wouldn't that be 4.6? Can I change mine?
Half dozen.
Can I change mine?
Sure.
I'm going to do three and a half years.
That's what I was going to go with.
Oh, in your face, Johnny.
In your face.
All right, I'm going four.
I'll go four.
Four.
Yeah.
Please don't harass the other guests.
I like Johnny.
You're really in his face.
That was, wow.
My mom's in the audience.
I'm so sorry, Johnny.
Your mom?
I'm so sorry, Johnny.
How's your mother?
Get over here.
I'm going to say four days before the movie opened.
They couldn't get him.
They tracked him down.
He just came in and went,
Boss!
Thanks, Tom. That was a good Tom.
That was a good Tom Hanks.
He said that he would get
an ab workout from doing
that voice for long periods of time.
He is always way too enthusiastic
about everything, so he's yelling.
Two years!
Nine months!
Alright, let's recap. I don't even remember
what you guys said.
By the way, Chris, future reference,
not crazy about Twix.
Really?
Nope.
Yeah.
So next time you're coming to the show and Dave might be a guest,
you know, do better.
I'm eating it, but I'm not crazy about it.
Four and a half.
Three and a half.
Three and a half.
Four. Two and a half. Two and a half Three and a half Three and a half Four Two and a half
Two and a nine
Two and a nine month
Alright when we say and a half
Oh shit
2.75
Is it point six or is it point five?
Point five
Right?
Yeah it'd be point five
Alright
So that means that Is it.6 or is it.5?.5. Right? Yeah, it'd be.5. All right.
So that means that I think Matt's the winner.
Yes.
What?
How long?
But he's way under, but you went one month over, Arden.
Fuck me.
That's all.
It's three years and five months.
Oh, my God.
Oh, so close. That's what I was going to say.
I know. I felt that you were going to that oh my god yeah but i heard i you know bottom line is i heard toy story 4 was uh underwhelming oh yeah i
heard it wasn't as good as the others i'm not gonna say who i heard it from but yeah i heard
it earlier johnny johnny from him it was him that said that earlier? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
All right, well,
you're young.
You can get Pixar to forgive you someday
and work for them.
Let's play Last Man Stanton
to wrap this up tonight
and pick a...
Last man standing.
I'm still standing.
Anybody else?
Not y'all.
Okay.
I thought it was really going to catch on.
Everybody was going to sing.
I did it.
I started it.
You started it.
Last man standing.
Better than I ever did.
I don't know the words to this, but I know it's a song.
It's a fun one.
I can't remember the melody.
I'm still standing.
I don't know the words.
Stand tall.
It could be stand.
No.
I don't want to play.
Great.
Great.
Oh, we were still trying to do that?
Yeah.
We're back.
Okay.
Okay.
I didn't get anybody, or at least not that I noticed,
because I had a busy day flying and stuff,
but did anybody try to reach out to me with a suggestion
for Last Man Standing from the audience?
Was anybody feeling it, like they have a good idea for a name for us to use?
I thought I saw a hand goes up. Turns out it's just have a good uh idea for a name for us to use so i thought i saw a hand goes up turns out it's just touching a face and you can tell everybody that you suggested it to
oh i like this over here in the back of the corner over there is the darkest who is that over there
oh it's your name tag well you can't that'd be cheating you're gonna name it you're gonna say
let's do dave foley dave foley do you think you could name more of your movies than i can um
speed round bug life
sky high uh now I'm stumped.
Okay.
So yeah, you can't do it,
but this guy was raising his hand,
the guy with the French fry shirt. Oh, what's the premise of the Stanton game?
Oh, you know,
where we're going to take turns naming movies
at whoever this gentleman names.
What's your name, actually?
Chuck.
Hey, Chuck.
Yeah, Chuck.
What do you think?
What should we do?
Let's do Kirk Douglas.
What? What should we do? Let's do Kirk Douglas. Ah. What?
Hey.
I don't know.
I don't know anything.
Hang on.
Don't just start yelling out names.
Can I start?
Yeah, I'll start.
But wait.
Kirk Douglas?
Kirk Douglas.
Kirk?
For reals?
Like Goldie's guy?
No, that's Kurt.
Oh, I can't play this.
And that's Russell.
No, I can't.
Russell.
these guy? No, that's Kurt.
Oh, I can't play this. And that's Russell.
No, I can't.
I was going to scream out overboard.
I was going to scream out overboard
so God. Captain Ron, Captain Ron.
I can't play this.
You can't do this to me. He's Michael Douglas' dad.
I can't do that. Nothing. I'm out.
Michael Douglas' dad, Kurt Douglas. I've never. He's Michael Douglas' dad. I can't do that. Nothing. I'm out. Michael Douglas' dad.
Kirk Douglas.
I've never.
I'm out.
It's been a while, but I love it when somebody is bold enough to suggest.
Overboard.
Somebody that's.
Overboard.
Like Kirk Douglas hasn't been in a movie in 30 years.
Ace in the hole.
You're dealing with.
His entire life.
You're dealing with like novices.
Johnny's entire life has been void of Kirk Douglas movies.
Yeah. We're the beginner. We're the has been void of Kirk Douglas movies. Yeah.
We're the beginner.
We're the kindergarten level.
Yeah, it seems unfair to do that to him.
We don't need obscure.
It was a good try, though, dude, to get Kirk Douglas in there.
Yes, Kathleen Turner.
Okay, I'll start.
Whoa!
Romancing the stone!
This is not how this works!
Oh, okay, okay.
Has the game started?
I didn't ask that guy to name a name.
I loved him.
He's not even awake.
He just says her name when he's sleeping.
He has a shirt that says Kathleen Turner on it.
We're advancing the stone.
Can we just do Noah Centennial?
He is the lead singer of Kathleen Turner.
Overdrive.
We can't.
All right.
So Kathleen Turner.
Okay.
And Dave is...
He won the last game?
No, Matt won the last game.
No, Matt won.
Okay, so Matt will start us off.
So we go Matt, Gianni.
Are you good on this?
No.
Let's make it...
You may have seen her in Friends.
She played who's somebody's...
Chandler.
Chandler's transgender father.
What?
Really?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
That doesn't seem like a Friends storyline, is it?
Yeah, yeah.
That's crazy.
You play Chandler's transgender father.
That's funny to me.
Yeah.
I still don't know if I believe you or not.
Oh, it's real.
It's true.
It's very real.
Isn't Morgan Fairchild
Morgan Fairchild
was also one of his parents
I believe.
Yeah, that was
Kathleen's wife, I guess.
Can we do Noah Centennial?
I know all of his
new Netflix movies.
Can we do that?
How many are there?
There's like four.
I don't know him.
Who?
All right, so you're
banking on that these guys
are going to fade out
on four rounds.
I don't know him. All right. I'm out. That's what guys are going to fade out on four rounds. I don't know him.
All right.
I'm out.
That's what we're going to do.
He's going to do the films of whoever it was he just said.
Of who?
Who is it?
Noah Centennial?
I don't know him.
If you can last longer on Centennial than anyone else can last on Kathleen Turner.
Can't we just do Pootie Pie?
You're the winner.
What's that?
Can we do Pootie Pie after that?
Who's Pootie Pie? Who's Pootie Pie?
Who's Pootie Pie?
What do you need?
What do you need?
Like a Jennifer Lawrence?
What do you need?
What do you need?
That would work.
No, he got the Centennial thing.
He got the Centennial.
Yeah, here we go.
But he's not competing against anyone that can take it.
All right, here we go.
I know four Kathleen Turner movies.
I don't know 16.
All right, well, we'll see how we all do.
I'm not going to do all of them.
Because I'm going to play, too.
Matt? I'm roman to play too. Matt?
I'm romancing the stairs.
Ah!
I can't.
Oh, fuck.
I thought we were in this together.
I thought we were friends.
I thought we were friends.
Johnny, give me a personal space.
Give me a, what do you call it?
A centennial. Okay. Sierra Burgess is a loser. That's the name of it? Centennial.
Okay, Sierra Burgess is a loser.
That's the name of it?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's not a movie.
I believe you.
How is anyone going to check?
Yeah.
How are we going to fact check?
I mean, I've heard some things about Sierra Burgess, but that wasn't one of them.
Arden?
Jewel of the Nile.
Yeah.
Jewel of the Nile.
Jewel of the Nile.
Jewel of the Nile. Jew of the Nile.
It's the story of Moses.
Just call me Moses.
Sorry, Jew of the Nile.
It's Moses.
Nope, we're more formal.
I did more than the Nile.
We're more formal than that around here.
We're about longer labels.
All right, Mr.
Boy. Body
heat. Oh, all the way back
to the beginning.
Corny Badger over here.
Corny Badger.
You know what he reminds me of, what Dave reminds me of
when he's so good at these things?
Michael Jordan.
No, he's like good at these things. Michael Jordan.
No, he's like the man with two brains.
Was she in that?
And Kathleen Turner.
I'm going to say
Chinatown.
What?
You're not doing that.
Don't do that to yourself.
You have more dignity and self-respect
than that.
I can't think of another one.
Yeah, you got a lifeline.
You can go to James once.
James is like, get away from me.
James.
We already said the two.
What?
You're going to kick yourself when you hear some of these other ones.
I'm not good at this.
Give me another one. Wait, what's happening? You can't give them to you. Jewel of these other ones. I'm not good at this. Give me another one.
Wait, what's happening?
Jewel of the Nile.
Wait, that was your strategy?
You're just going to hope Arden says things out of turn?
Yes.
That's a pretty good strategy.
Or not pronounce her titles right.
Get it close.
I'm sorry, James.
I don't know.
I feel like she's in that big time and little...
There's something with China in the title on the tip of my tongue.
Okay, I don't know.
Yeah, you're just helping everybody else.
Of course, Gianni's going to give us another centennial.
Yeah, the perfect date.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Arden?
Peggy Sue got married. Oh, right. Arden? Peggy Sue Got Married.
Yes, she did.
That was going to be my next one.
Now I'm not sure if I know the title correctly.
Oh, you can do it.
Serial Mom?
Yes.
Nice.
I know mine don't sound like real movies,
but these really don't sound like real movies.
Body Heat and Serial Mom?
Yeah. I don't believe it. movies. Body Heat and Serial Mom? Yeah.
I don't believe it.
Johnny, Johnny, you better slow down.
Johnny, don't say Body Heat.
It doesn't sound like a real movie.
Abraham Lincoln was a president?
Give me a break, Abraham!
Johnny, every man,
and possibly a large number of the women in this room,
over 50, have masturbated to that movie.
That's what I was going to say.
Body Heat sounds like those softcore Cinemax things
that you used to watch at like 4 a.m.
No one else watches those?
Can you cover your ears with that?
Oh, here's another good one to jerk off to.
Marley and me.
Oh, you gotta time it
for when the dog dies.
When she comes in,
when she's in there,
when Kathy Turner's trying to,
she's trying to train Marley.
Oh, that's some sexy shit
right there.
I'm out.
You're out?
Fuck, I'm already out.
You got another Centennial?
Can I go to my lifelineeline He thought he had four of those
I know
I thought I did but I don't
Does your lifeline know shit about
He's gonna know this
It's a Netflix movie
It came out
You picked this
I know
He was
You don't get to describe it to him
You just knew two of it
He needs to just know it
Let me be the lifeline.
What's the Netflix line?
Or he could throw out a Turner, too.
Kathleen Turner or a Centennial.
You could just throw out a Turner
or Dumb and Dumber?
Dumb and Dumber?
Wow, yeah.
She in that?
I don't think so.
I don't know.
I've checked that out.
What's the Netflix movie?
I don't believe she's in that.
Oh, my God.
Do you want to know?
I'm going to tell you the premise.
Johnny, you could just lie.
We won't know.
Yeah.
I feel like Dougie
was on Netflix.
It was right there for the taking. All he had to say was, you know. lie. We won't know. Yeah. I feel like Dougie was unethical. He was right there
for the taking.
All he had to say was...
I believe he was the star
of Monkeys Know Better.
Yeah.
Wasn't he in
Two Cows in Brooklyn?
He was also in
Monkeys Know Better 2.
Yeah.
Monkey...
Not as well received,
but also...
All right.
What's happening, Arden?
I think this was Kathleen Turner.
Okay.
War of the Roses.
Yes!
Fuck you!
That's what I was going to say.
Yes, you were.
Dave?
Oh, now I'm blanking.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God!
Did you think you had a couple more?
I know I've seen a lot more Kathleen Turner movies.
Oh, yes.
But I... I got a good one that lot more Kathleen Turner movies. Oh, yeah. But I...
I got a good one that's about to plop out of my mouth.
You don't do your hand like that.
It's not even going to plop out of my mouth.
Was Romancing the Stone the one where she was a mystery writer?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think so, yeah.
All right, so I saw that one.
Jew of the Nile.
Jew of the Nile. Yeah, they think so, yeah. Alright, so I saw that one. Jewel of the Nile. Jewel of the Nile.
They were in tandem.
How long do I get to buff before saying I can't?
Ten more seconds.
Alright.
Zero, one.
She wasn't, no, she wasn't in that one.
Blue Velvet.
I can't think of any more.
Lifeline? Oh yeah, you still have your Lifeline. You haven't any more. Lifeline?
Oh, yeah.
You still have your Lifeline.
You haven't gone to your Lifeline yet.
All right, let's go to my Lifeline.
Chris?
I'm pretty sure she's in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Yes.
That was going to plop out of my mouth.
But I'm going to have to go with...
Oh, man. but I'm gonna have to go with oh I might be stumped there's a few more out there for sure looking at it right now oh Matt right we're missing something there's
one that's really famous good ones yeah we're missing some, right? There's one that's really famous. Good ones, yeah. We're missing some really good ones.
There's one that she's a star of.
But like the star.
Right. Can I just see what she looks like?
No.
What she looks like?
She has lips.
Anyway, Arden, do you have
any more? Was she in
Legal Eagles?
No.
That was Debra Winger.
And Daryl Hannah.
Lifeline.
Wait, did she never go on yet?
No, no.
I'm always out in the first round.
Let's do it, Kevin.
V.I. Warshawski.
That's what I was thinking of.
Guess what? She was also in
Dumb and Dumber 2.
That was said.
Did I win?
No, you haven't.
I've never even not lost.
Put your phone away, Matt.
No, somebody else said Dumb and Dumber.
They just said Dumb and Dumber.
Was it Matt's lifeline?
That was my lifeline.
She was in the sequel. But that's what you said. They just said Dumb and Dumber. Was it Matt's lifeline? That was my lifeline, right? And didn't you just say Dumb and Dumber 2?
She was in the sequel.
But that's what you said.
Dumb and Dumber-er.
Dumb and Dumber-er.
It wasn't 2.
It was er-er.
Well, it depends on which sequel you're referring to.
Which one was she in?
The one that didn't have the two dumb guys in it
or the one that did have the two dumb guys in it.
And they both have different titles and I guess
what Matt was telling us is
she's in one of them.
Do I have to guess?
I just got one.
It's your turn. I just got one.
I said I'm out. Then Matt started just
reading shit off of his phone. I think I'm out too.
I'm out. Like we're not still playing the game.
Did I win? Maybe.
I mean, Dave's still in, isn't he? He said he's out. I think I'm out. Like we're not still playing the game. Did I win? Maybe. I mean,
Dave's still in, isn't he?
He said he's out. I think I'm out.
Your lifeline just got the answer right.
You have the last correct answer.
Was she in the two jakes?
Didn't he already use it?
Fuck you. Yeah, but I'm saying
he's the last person to have given
a correct answer is Dave and his lifeline.
Really? No, I did.
I did my lifeline. Then it comes
around to you and now it's back
to you and if you can name one more.
No, he did it before me.
His was before me. It was to you
and then to me. Arden's our winner!
Arden's the winner.
I'm so
happy!
I didn't stand a chance.
Thank you.
And she's in Dumb and Dumber 2, Matt?
Or her.
T.O.
T.O.
Which is the Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels one.
Princey's Honor.
Anyone say Princey's Honor?
Princey's Honor.
Oh, that is a big one.
Just forget about her because Angelica Houston made huge off of that one.
And then she did The Graduate on Broadway.
That's true.
Oh, I wish you would have said that so I could say no to that.
I know.
I'm a rule follower.
I'm a rule follower.
Where is Kevin? Come get your prizes, Kevin!
Kevin!
Kevin, what a journey
we've been on. Oh, you got my mask face.
You got the mask face
yeah
have fun at ladies night
congratulations Kevin
let's talk about it
you did it
be careful with that drone
well that's another one
yeah
next time you can do it
let's talk about it
yeah Dave still has a video
signed up to it
don't be holding it
in one hand
and hit the throttle
with the other hand
that's one thing
little tip
little tip
true story yeah alright let's do some plugs Matt Besser other hand. That's one of the little tips.
True story.
Yeah. Alright, let's do some plugs.
Matt Besser.
Hey, Del Close Marathon this weekend. That's June 28th, 29th,
30th. Doug's show, Doug Loves Movies
is going to be on the 30th. I'm plugging the Inner
Sanctum. All the podcasts are there. Improv for
Humans. It's going to be there 6 o'clock
on Saturday. Just go to
delclosemarathon.com
and check out all the shows.
They're all sold out
in the prime times,
but go to the afternoon shows,
the late night bit shows.
It's going to be lots of fun.
Bit shows?
Bit shows.
The shows that are just
fucking conceptual.
Shows like Pie Babies,
where they dress up in diapers
and throw pies at each other and improvise.
You won't see that on a regular night here.
Only on bit night.
Only on the bit night. All bit
shows are like 20 minutes long.
It's awesome. I love it.
Gianni!
Yes, everyone go.
I think Ma will be
in theaters for another week or two.
Yeah, get out and see Ma. I'm going to go see it.
And then season six of Power comes out August 25th.
So it's on Starz.
Very cool, dude.
Thank you so much for subjecting yourself to this.
I kind of love getting shitted on, you know?
You're enjoying.
It's fun.
Yeah, you know, publicists reach out to me.
Hey, I got some fresh meat for you.
And I was like, let's do it.
And thank you.
Thank you.
Wait, what happened last week?
I was supposed to be here last week, and then it became...
I wrote it down wrong, so I introduced you,
and then there was just an empty chair the whole show.
Wow, awkward.
But the chair knew more about the Beatles than you.
Fuck, that was good.
We still had a good time, though,
and you should go back and listen to it, too.
To hear yourself not hear.
And Arden Marine, what's going on?
Insatiable 2, when's that coming out on the Netflix?
Sometime this fall.
They don't know when yet.
Sometime before the end of 2019.
And then I have a podcast. If you like garbage television, I have a podcast about The Bachelor.
It's a seasonal podcast.
It's called Will You Accept This Rose?
And it'll be up tomorrow.
It's up every Wednesday during the season.
Nice.
Yeah.
Dave Foley.
nice yeah
Dave Foley
I also have a
federally mandated podcast
entitled
Don't Say
Paul and Dave
you can listen to that
I think
this week our guest
is Jolie Fisher
who's on the show
this week
I don't know when this airs
so maybe that'll be
last week
last week
Jolie Fisher was on the show
Lance Bass is on mine who signed your face your face your face to win this airs, so maybe that'll be last week. Last week, Jolie Fisher was on the show.
Lance Bass is on mine.
Who signed your face?
Your face.
Your face.
That's right.
I don't know.
Your face.
That's your face.
You can't even score in the conversational part.
You can't get the correct answer.
And everyone go see Sky High.
Go see it.
It's a great movie.
Please see it.
Go see it.
Go out to the theaters. Yeah, they're bringing it back for a 25-minute movie. Please see it. Go see it. Go out to the theaters.
And insist they show it.
They're bringing it back for a 25th anniversary.
Ask for it by name.
Not enough theaters take requests.
What was your favorite candy?
Oh, the Snickers bar.
Classic. So tasty.
Do you like them with almonds?
Do you like them with almonds?
Did you have your almond?
I actually like them with almonds? Do you like them with almonds? Did you have your almond? Yeah, I actually like it with owl.
That's my guests, everybody.
Dave Foley, Arden Marie, Gianni Piero.
Thank you.
Brad Besser.
We're back here in a couple weeks.
July 9th I think
as always
positive energy
now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie
eyes of gold
his viewing prowess
makes him cocky
there's no room
in his heart for you
cause Doug
loves movies