Doug Loves Movies - David Dastmalchian, Mark Ellis, Jon Gabrus and Daniella Pineda guest
Episode Date: August 15, 2022Live from Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, Doug welcomes David Dastmalchian, Mark Ellis, Jon Gabrus and Daniella Pineda to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on S...titcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Good morning, Leonard!
Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby stiffy seeds
With 50 azepam or kernels in his teeth
They're still not warm, then he won't sleep
Because Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
That was pretty good.
I got my prize cooler.
All the prizes are in a cooler that the winner gets to keep.
It's summer, am I right? All the prizes are in a cooler that the winner gets to keep.
It's summer, am I right?
Who doesn't need a nice styrofoam cooler that barely holds more than a six-pack?
It's perfect for this time of year.
Because also, I've been noticing the back-to-school commercials are already happening.
And that's been the greatest joy of my adult life,
is always just being able to shrug when the back-to-school commercials come on.
Like, ugh, I used to dread those so much.
It used to make me so sad.
We're coming to you once again
from our new monthly,
monthly show spot,
Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, California!
Yeah!
It's Sunday, August 14th, 2022, and we're shifting to Saturdays next month.
I don't know if that works for everybody or not, but I tried to run it by some people,
but I tried to run it by some people and people seem to think Saturdays in the fall in the winter are a good time for this because they're probably more
interested in the NFL and they are in college ball right so come see us
instead of watching your favorite college which you graduated from a long
time ago and you have nothing to do with it anymore. Just freaking relax. We'll be right back here. Same bat place, same bat
time on Sunday. Sunday? Shut up, Doug. You just did a speech about Saturdays. You already
fucked it up. Never was going to show up the next day Sunday, September
17th, I'll talk about it again
soon and often
Doug plugs
I'm doing stand-up at the Improv
in Irvine, California
on Wednesday, August 24th
I say bring a name tag
and force me to play
a game from Doug's movies
because that's how it works. If nobody brings one,
we don't do it. All of my
dates and deets are located
and can be found.
Never said it that way before.
You can locate information
about me at
DougLovesMovies.com
That's DougLovesMovies.com
Yeah!
Ha ha!
Ha ha!
Roll it! Stublo'sMovies.com Yeah! Caw-caw!
Wallet!
You're not angry enough on the wallet.
The wallet has just become Wallet! Hey, wallet!
And you know,
I'm starting off with Martin Sheen in an elevator
going, wallet!
Wallet!
Like sweat comes out of the word as he's saying it it's so it's so intense hey
would everybody like to see what's in the prize cooler all right real quick you know i've been
streamlining the prize situation and just bringing some awesome things that i can show everybody real quick. Who doesn't like a Toblerone?
Who doesn't like that shit?
I mean, besides me.
And then some Bombas socks.
Everybody loves a Bombas sock.
And then I've got, I'm not going to pull it out,
but it's a lithium-powered ear and nose trimmer.
Right?
From Con Air.
Not the movie.
The company that makes stuff.
And then this is fun.
Does anybody like Funko Pop figurines from Game of Thrones?
Yeah, because this is Drogon.
Some sort of dragon from Game of Thrones
I'm unfamiliar
and then here's something I'm very
familiar with I have a few of my own
this is
Pax 3
delightful device
that if I'm not mistaken
you can smoke
whatever you want out of it put anything in it and you can smoke whatever you want out of it. Put anything in it, you can
smoke it. You can become a goat of smoking. Because goats will smoke anything, right?
Are you ready to get our guests out here and give away these prizes to one lucky audience member?
here give away these prizes to one lucky audience member?
All right, let's do it.
Four chairs, as you can see. And I'm in a little bit of suspense
if they can even hear me saying this.
You might be deep, deep, deep backstage,
but we'll find out as soon as I do it. Am I right?
Give it up everybody for David Dasmalchen, Mark Ellis, John Gabrus and Daniela Pineda!
Look at them all.
Different pants on everybody.
Everybody's going for a different look,
but it all says summer.
Some of it says pirate.
Let's meet everybody.
Let's meet everybody individually and alphabetically.
Yeah.
When someone asks me,
I'll say they're trying to figure out who's getting called out first.
I was doing the math because I've been called first in the last three shows,
and I was like, it's E. It's got to be E.
And then I looked at Dave, and I was like, God damn it.
You got double D next to you, so you're going to have to sit and wait.
Lost the first game. Yeah, you're going to have to sit and wait. Lost the first game.
Yeah, you're going to have to zip it,
because when someone asks me my favorite pattern,
I say polka dot, man.
It's David Dost Malchen!
I was gondoliering today,
and I decided to come over and do some movie trivia with you guys.
All right, for the listeners, he's the one I called a pirate.
But it turns out he's a part-time gondolier, so boy, do I look stupid.
Boy, do I feel dumb for making that remark.
A man's got to make a living.
Nautical trivia show, you would be the loser.
What's up, David? What are you doing?
I am really excited to be here.
I haven't seen you since I was filming The Polka Dot Man, I believe.
It was the last time we saw each other in the flesh.
We saw each other online a couple times.
Life's great. I don't know.
I just got back from Australia.
I was feeding kangaroos and making movies.
And got some time to be in Los Angeles where I'm just listening to you and taking naps and catching up on sleeping and swimming.
Catching up on swimming?
Yeah.
You're behind.
I took it. He was in Australia, so he was in an Australian suit. He's doing it
upside down. He has to do
some right side up swimming. Meters
don't count. It's got to be yards. It's true.
Every slide I thought I was getting into the
pool went the wrong way. Jump
on a diving board. He gets right into
the OCD bend.
You know what I'm saying?
And you have another
any, are you going off
to do something exciting soon?
You know,
I write a comic book
called Count Crowley,
Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter,
and we are,
I'm in the exciting time
of like promoting that,
and we've got some new issues
that are going to be
hitting the shelves soon.
I'm very excited about that,
but I just finished a movie,
actually,
that I think you will really dig,
that is set in 1977. I'm the host of a late night talk show and the whole film takes
place over the course of one broadcast and my character loses it completely live on, on air.
So he is, he is second place to Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson has eclipsed him in every way,
and he has got one night to save his show,
and he throws everything he can at the wall,
including his own mind.
He goes nuts.
It was actually quite fun to shoot.
Talk shows were super long back then.
It was probably a 90-minute talk show.
It's a 90-minute movie.
So you got a 90-minute movie.
The movie opens with, and we had a live band.
I had a hype band I had like a
a hype man
I had my own
like sidekick guy
Gus
who would like
and guess
and the set was amazing
it's 1977
so the costumes
and the
and the
it was just
when does this come out
yeah
this sounds amazing
yeah I'm very excited
I truly
I'm like
oh a talk show host
loses his mind
good question
great question
do you play the talk show host
when you bring
the exotic animals on?
I play,
I play Jack Delroy
and yeah,
welcome to Night Owls.
Night Owls,
it's great to have you here.
Yeah,
it was so fun
and I just,
for research,
would just sit around
watching old YouTube episodes
of shows from the 70s.
Carson and Dick Cavett
and Don Lane
and all these guys
and the character believes,
like I said,
like he's just,
this is it.
He's gonna get canceled tomorrow.
So he's like,
this is my last shot.
And he's already
not quite doing great.
And then things go badly.
And it's fun to watch.
I hope.
I hope it's fun to watch.
It was fun to make.
Did you watch the one week
that Chevy Chase
had a talk show?
That was a three episode?
It probably has the same energy.
But my show, my host,
is actually nice to people.
And the guests aren't there
under duress.
It's more like a Pat Sajak show vibe.
Sajak had a show for three weeks.
He did, yes.
Oh, no, his lasted
a little longer
than that
but yeah
and it was
I think his was 90 minutes too
they were monsters
man
they really wanted you
to go to sleep
during the show
yeah
don't dare
we dare you to stay awake
through this whole thing
everybody that I'm sharing
the stage with
who does something
that I don't do
which is make people laugh
on a regular basis
and be able to talk
with
like that was the scariest part of the whole movie for me.
And we fortunately,
we shot almost everything in sequence
except the opening.
The opening was five pages
of me delivering this monologue to the audience,
which actually gets serious for a minute
and then it's all jokes.
And they had a live studio audience,
like 200 amazing looking background actors
from dress like 1977.
Oh, it was so scary. It was so hard. that was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time is that I've played crazy people I've had to die
kill people do all kinds of shoot polka dots out of my mouth that was that I was
backstage that's the human brain is that it doesn't matter that you can't convince yourself,
oh, all these people are being paid to be here isn't enough.
No.
It's still an audience.
Tell them when my jokes weren't landing.
They're even kind of scarier because it's like, oh, if they're not laughing when they're being paid to laugh,
then I really suck.
And even if they are laughing, you're like, well, they're just doing that because they're getting paid.
Yeah, yeah.
I still suck.
Yeah.
It's brutal.
And you know what's really cool?
No spoilers, but as I said,
the character starts to disassociate from reality,
starts to lose his mind.
He starts to not know what's actually really happening.
And there was these sequences that we would shoot where then all those 200 people
are stoically not laughing at all.
And I'm like delivering the lines
and they're just like this.
Or when I actually do go completely crazy and bonkers
and they were like just horrifyingly laughing.
No spoilers.
No spoilers.
Oh, and then when my head separates.
You can edit that out.
Anyway, that was.
I just want to tell jokes in 1977.
Like imagine you had to tell Star Wars jokes
to a fresh crowd.
You see the Star Vader?
Where half the crowd is like,
haven't seen it yet.
Lines are too long.
Fuck that nerd movie.
Who's the Mandalorian?
There's only one Yoda, asshole.
Speaking of assholes,
our next guest...
Who knows that Yoda
wasn't around until 1980. Has climbed over countless assholes, our next guest... Who knows that Yoda wasn't around until 1980.
Has climbed over countless assholes to be here today.
Because this is your fifth appearance in a row?
It's something like that.
Let's hear it for Mark Ellis, everybody!
Thank you.
Good to be here, Doug. Nothing new in my life.
I don't make a big deal to my guests about how if you win,
you can come back on the next episode,
because there's really no reason to put that pressure on there,
both to win and also, you know, you might not want to come back.
I don't know.
But whoever does win today is given the opportunity to come back
either next week or at your earliest convenience.
Oh, it's convenient.
And Mark seems to always be available, and he keeps winning.
It's really been quite a hot streak.
Have you sized up your competition today?
No, we were chatting in the green room, and I was just listening to all the wonderful projects that these fine performers have been on.
And I was like, well, I was just doing stand-up in Virginia.
And let me tell you, they have Waffle House in Australia?
Probably not.
I got stories.
Frank Capra.
I'm sorry, what?
I'm going to wait.
Chunk smothered and covered, baby.
It's been a good run, Doug.
Thank you for having me back.
I did fly back this morning from Virginia where I was telling jokes.
Then I also got to see my family, who's from there.
And a little bit later on in the show, possibly, I got to put on a –
my sister and I decided we put on a very special movie to show my 8-year-old nephew
and all of his friends came over.
And it was a legendary time. It was a generational passing of the torch kind
of film if you will so Texas Chainsaw Massacre we didn't get that intense yet
but when I was eight my aunt took me to see Pet Sematary oh yeah good stuff
I might Achilles heel just hurts thinking about that movie I'm just thinking about my spine
and whether it's gonna be twisted by a certain
evil sister. There's a shot in that where the
toddler backs up and he does a full
like a head, feet
over head shot. And I was like,
how did they get that shot? It looks super
real. He broke his neck.
They just probably just pushed him over
and hoped for the best.
Back in the day, they had like a dozen
toddlers just off camera.
It's like, lost another one, it's like, toss them in.
They're in a big barrel being carried around the set.
Toddlers were like dog actors back in the day.
Like you ever see a movie and you're so disappointed.
It always pisses me off when I see a dog movie.
You see like a Beethoven or an Air Bud and they're like, and it has Air Bud.
And it's like nine different golden retrievers.
You're like, really?
Yeah, little did not everyone know this?
Dogs are only allowed
to work three days
on a movie.
Then they have to be euthanized.
That's the least fun fact
I've ever heard.
It's like Milo and Otis.
Oh, God.
They left a fucking
wake of carnage behind them.
I mean, that movie
was a sad box of kittens.
Oh, yeah.
Homeward bound.
Only the last dog
made it home.
Fortunately,
the actors in that one
were all voiceover,
so they were safe.
Thank goodness.
They're still getting
the checks.
Thank goodness we saved
Michael J. Fox
and Sally Field
and the other one.
Oh, Don Amici.
Don Amici was the other one?
I think so.
The old one?
Was there an older dog?
Probably,
but I love Don Amici
showing up,
showing the young kids
how to do it.
What's your name,
Mike Fox?
You're not going to
make it in this town.
He got his fucking
sweet-ass career boost
out of the Cocoon movies.
Yes.
Right?
Like, he became a,
you know,
oh, I guess also the Trading Places. Yes. Right? Like he became a, you know, oh, I guess also
the Trading Places too.
Trading Places.
Brimley got the big boost
out of that too.
Yeah.
Brimley was like my age
when he did Cocoon.
That's so depressing.
Brimley's one of those guys,
there's a few,
there's quite a few of them now
and some ladies
who just like,
you know,
when they hit 50
they started playing
70 year olds
and never looked back.
Those people who look old, young,
you're like, oh, that's rough when you're 38,
but then it's killer
when you're like 50 through 70.
Abe Vigoda hit the fucking jackpot.
Right.
The rest of us are going to age like dog years
at that point.
Steve Martin is like,
how great can a guy get?
Eventually you're like, yeah, how know, like you said, how gray can a guy get? Eventually you're like,
yeah, how old is he?
You have no idea.
The father of the bride
is like 25 years old.
He still has a white head of hair.
It's like crazy.
Yeah, he really,
that was smart to get
that white hair
like right away.
Oh, yo, you know,
Tommy Lee Jones
has one of those faces
where he's always
kind of looked middle-aged.
I was watching an episode
of the 1970s hit show
Charlie's Angels.
Don't ask why.
It was on.
And Tommy Lee Jones, a young Tommy Lee Jones, he's always had that face.
He was young.
He couldn't have been more than like 23 or 24.
Coal Miner's daughter, he looked 45.
Yeah.
It was so cool.
Was he like Al Gore's roommate or something crazy like that?
Yes, yes.
You're right.
My brain is broken.
But do you ever look at people
who are in their mid-30s
like in the 70s
and they look like
they're in their 60s?
They're like,
that person was 21
and they look 47.
It's weird.
It's amazing.
You ever see what people
ate for breakfast
100 years ago?
They ate like nine pounds
of like flapjacks
and like just like
random meats
from the farm
and you wonder
why they looked like that.
You know? But they had to because they had to work a 14-hour physical meats from the farm and you wonder why they looked like that. But they had to
because they had to work a 14 hour physical shift
on the farm which also ages
the shit out of you.
Yeah, I do 45 minutes of stand up and I'm like,
I don't know if I can do the late show. Jesus.
We're lazy as a people, Doug.
I get it.
I get it.
And Tom Cruise is 30 years older than anybody in Cocoon.
What?
That's a fact.
Don't check the math, just nod.
I'll just go with it.
Yeah, the internet ruined everything.
Ava Gota looked like that when he was 18.
Don't Google it, just believe it.
If Tom Cruise was in Cocoon, he'd really go back to space.
Like, he'd really go.
He'd be like,
where's Tom?
Oh, he went to space.
That's how the movie ended.
He didn't want to fix it.
He said,
we're going to do a light and post.
He said, no.
I'm going with the aliens.
You're like,
okay, dude,
whatever the fuck.
Say hi to Xenu for us.
That's why I need him
in a Star Wars movie
because he's going to find a way
to actually fly a goddamn X-W into another galaxy uh for this movie uh tom cruise injected
himself with midichlorians and learned the force seriously what the fuck is tom cruise gonna after
flying the jets himself you know he's going to space yeah he wants to go to space right
it's a space movie doug lyman's going to produce it and elon musk is uh sorry doug lyman's going to space. Yeah, he wants to go to space. It's a space movie? Doug Liman's going to produce it,
and Elon Musk is,
sorry, Doug Liman's going to direct it,
Elon Musk is going to produce it.
Oh, okay.
Oh, cool.
I lost interest in it in one sentence.
I was like, I fucking love Tom Cruise.
Oh, the next two kind of took me out of it.
Tom Cruise probably likes the premise
because there's no love scenes in space.
He really likes these movies
where he's the only person in an ecosystem.
But can you run in space?
Ooh.
In space.
Right, because he also has to run.
Yeah, he's going to have to do the 2001 big hamster wheel thing.
He'll be in a big spaceship that he has to run one end to the other.
He'll have to get around on that thing.
Or it'll be like one of those big circle things
like in 2001 A Space Odyssey
where they do their
jogging, but Tom Cruise will be doing it
really fast.
That's a good reference.
Guys, I don't smoke pot,
but I feel really stoned right now.
I haven't smoked pot in 22 years.
I feel stoned right now just listening to this conversation.
Do you know what his space movie's called?
What is it called?
Far and Away 2.
Further and Away-er.
Further and Away-er, yes.
Further and Dumber.
Further and Dumber further and dumber
we still haven't introduced
everybody
he's been talking anyway
give it up
that's pretty much a blanket statement about me
this man
is here today because this is one
of the 101 best places
to party before you die
right here at Dynasty Time Riders,
John Gabers, everybody!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Doug.
How's it going, man?
It's going good.
It's nice to be here doing live comedy.
I feel like I'm only back a couple of weeks doing it.
Yeah, all right, someone's excited.
Or they got stabbed.
Oh!
Or they saw a werewolf
of London.
Just a werewolf.
His hair was perfect!
Perfect!
He was a traitor of X.
So tell us
about your big show with our pal Adam Pally.
It's a travel show that we try to make funny.
And I think we succeed at it, but eventually it's up to you guys in the long run.
But we travel around the country and see if 40-year-old dudes can still party and get after it.
So it's a lot of fun.
And he's married with three know, and he's like married
with three kids
and I'm married
so we FaceTime our wife.
It's like a realistic depiction
of what it's like
for us two
narcissistic aging party animals
to travel together.
So like tailgating
but spread out.
Yeah, it's sort of like
we have a two-person
bachelor party every weekend
which is kind of rad
with like dumb activities
set up by someone
who you don't really know
aka our segment producers
any
do the dumb activities
are they ever
like risky
like physically risky
yeah we had to do
we repelled
a waterfall in Maui
and
that's in the finale
which I think is
two weeks away
at this point
and
we had to do it last in case he didn't survive.
Well, if you watch it, you guys may not like it.
Can you imagine how funny this show would be if we all knew going into it they died at the end?
We should definitely change the title before we start airing to Eight Places to Party Before You Die.
So that at least we fucking succeed in our cult Babe Ruth shot that we're going for here.
It's kind of nuts to call it that,
because if we do do 93 more episodes, I probably will die.
Don't say that.
I know Gary, don't say that.
Although what do I want, 93 more work?
Yeah, that sounds fucking great.
Die rich, die TruTV rich,
AKA still renting my fucking great. Die rich. Die True TV rich, a.k.a. still renting my fucking apartment.
True TV, Thursday nights at 10.30.
If you don't have it, go to a hospital.
It's playing in the waiting room.
I love when I say that.
Nobody would say turn that off
like they would certain news channels.
Right.
You know, like,
oh, okay, I can watch this.
I love the Jokers.
I love these two bums.
Yeah, those guys are on all the time
and then you two slip in.
But you don't trick anybody.
You just go out and have a good time.
Yeah, we're not tricking.
The only people we're fooling is TruTV, the the network in that we're getting them to pay for us to get fucked up all
the time and like a lot of travel a lot of travel it was actually really hard like yeah it's really
fun yeah it's the best job i've ever had but there is a time on week three when it's like
this place is known for its biscuits and gravy
and Merlot milkshakes
and it's like
okay let's go
your feet are like
rock hard crystals
you know
you have like
bloodshot eyes
you're jaundiced
you're having a nurse
inject you with like
B12
and taking IVs
I treat myself
like a fucking
Super Bowl athlete
eventually
I was like
I need to get I need to get a massage in a sauna
or else I won't be able to get fucked up again.
Bring me an omelet and some oxygen.
This is like Motley Crue in the 80s.
In between shows, you're getting blood transfusions.
I'm dipping my dick in a burrito to get the scent off.
I never read The Dirt, but it was my wife's favorite book when I met her.
Which is horrifying in a way.
Did you guys see Tommy Lee's newly
released nudie
nude photo? He's back.
Yeah. He posted on Twitter
the very well-endowed Tommy Lee.
Yeah.
Remember this?
Was he thinking
we thought it might have gotten chopped off or something?
Or, you know, like, is there anything new to report?
Well, it's weird that his penis is now easier to look at than his face.
Like, it's kind of reversed.
It's hard not to look at his penis.
Like, the penis is less droopy at this point.
It's still...
But, man, that guy can drum the shit out of a kid.
That's good. Yeah, shit out of a kid.
That's good, yeah, I end with a compliment.
Well, I'm gonna go see him next time. After attacking his face and his junk.
Pretty good drummer, though.
What a fucking asshole, sure could beat those drums.
He's turning into Brian Regan over here.
You get the spinning thing?
He sure could beat those drums
when he beat those drums that one time.
Also joining us this afternoon,
her first time on the show,
so apologies for taking so long to get to you,
is Daniela Pineda, everybody!
Do you, like like have dinosaur nightmares?
Do they creep into your real world?
No, I don't have dinosaur nightmares.
I have like a 16 hour day green screen.
What day is it nightmares?
Right, yeah.
The nightmares are still, I can't remember what to
say to the dinosaur.
Yeah, I
just had
a little indie film called
Jurassic World 2. No, 3!
Fuck!
It just came out in theaters.
Right, but the second two are the only ones that count, right?
Yeah.
Until you joined the franchise, I was out!
I'm going to say something kind of
controversial within the dinosaur world, but
actually, even though I'm in second,
the second one and the third one, the
first one of the new installment is actually
my favorite.
Interesting.
Self-loathing.
Yeah.
That I understand.
I can connect over that.
I remember watching
Jurassic World
and being like,
I don't know if I would
want to go to the
original Jurassic Park
because that's kind of
like the only thing
there is to do there.
But seeing Jurassic World
and like,
there's like a
Jimmy Buffett's
Margaritaville.
I'm like,
there's probably
a comedy club.
There's probably
like a chuckle hut
at Jurassic World.
Oh yeah.
There's like a John Lovitz comedy club in the Jurassic World set, wasn't there?
I thought they would. They walk past a set and it's...
That'd be awesome. A raptor cramps Lovitz.
Acting!
As it like drags away.
The effects in those movies are pretty good.
Yeah.
Not as good as the dinosaur show
in Mrs. Doubtfire
but they're good
I don't even remember that
remember that's how
he like redeems himself
he's like playing
with the dinosaur toys
on kids TV
oh yeah that's right
that's right
the stuffed animals
I'm saying that like
that's deep knowledge
I happened to just
watch that movie
again last time
it's like so specific
that was random
well congratulations
that was a lot of fun.
Yeah, thank you.
It's been a whirlwind.
And now they say they're not going to make another one,
which means they will be.
Yeah, it's like the McRib or the Mexican pizza
or the Choco Taco.
It's like, we're taking it away
unless you're willing to beg for it, you fucking pigs.
And we're all like, please, give us more Avengers,
more Avengers. And they're like, fine. You can have a drop of Avengers, you little squirmy pigs. And we're all like, please, give us more Avengers! More Avengers!
And they're like,
fine,
you can have a drop
of Avengers,
you little squirmy pig.
Sorry.
I'm really pissed
about the Mexican pizza.
I know it's all marketing,
but it still angers me.
Shamrock shake,
fucking serve it every day.
It's green dye.
I think sports
should do that too.
It's more than just green dye.
How dare you joking me?
It's delicious.
I go out of my way every year to get a shamrock shake, and I don't care.
You shouldn't have to go out of your way.
It should be available weekly.
It's such a satisfying, and you're right about that.
God damn, I love the shamrock shake from McDonald's.
Sorry.
Where are you at with the jamocha shake at Arby's?
Oh, yeah, solid.
I'm about to try it tonight.
I guess we're going to find out.
What's it called, the jamocha?
Jamocha.
Are we still allowed to smoke that?
I don't think so.
I don't think so, Mom.
I'll have the J-word shake.
Sir, you need to to That sounds more offensive
It's worse
The J word shake
Anybody goes in there with dreadlocks
And asks for it
Everybody thinks they're being pranked
It's a true TV special
Yeah
I think that
It's had a name for a long time.
I mean, because honestly, I've mentioned there's some people that are mad about the name Shamrock Shake.
It's probably offensive to some people.
I think if it's Irish or Italian, I've seen that meme.
If it's Italian, it's not racist.
I don't think they're too upset.
You just see someone do an Italian impression of no one's like, hey.
Yeah, nobody's there, right?
That seems to be a pass for everybody.
Why are you doing that outrageous
Italian voice?
I don't know, I just do it.
I can't help but myself.
Meatballs are our culture, okay?
You can appropriate away,
motherfucker. Anyone upset about a shamrock
shake isn't going to say it because they're too busy
guarding their gold.
I wasn't uncomfortable with my kid's fascination with Mario
until he started doing his Mario impression
in an Italian restaurant.
And then I realized that was not good.
He's just sitting there like, wahoo!
He's doing the music. You should take him to Bucco di Beppo
I think they encourage it there
Or Olive Garden
We're all a family
You're allowed to do red, white, and green face there
Who wants a bread, a stick
Alright
We've met everybody
They're all delightful.
Bless you, person who sneezed in the audience.
And let's go to Recommendation Nation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's where I ask each of my guests.
Mark's been through this countless times now.
I got more shit.
I, well, but wait.
Remember the last episode, that curveball I threw?
Yes.
What was it?
It was like a Wesley Snipes movie?
Yeah.
Yeah.
New curveball today, buddy.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
I'm going to ask you each to recommend one movie from a great actress who's celebrating
a birthday today who goes by the name Halle Berry.
Mmm.
Ooh.
Love it.
Yeah, Mark?
Yeah.
You knew this was coming.
Well, I knew a curveball
was coming.
Yeah.
I was prepared to hit it.
They didn't even know
about the curveball.
I didn't, I mean, I didn't.
You knew about the ball.
Ostensibly,
the three of us
had no idea
what the pitch was.
So to us,
you know,
this is just raw.
I would say I suspect.
We're swinging on it anyway.
This is a bummer for Mark.
Yeah, you're watching this guy melt down over here.
Look, I'm pissed because Halle Berry
is not in Pee Wee's Big Adventure,
which is the movie I showed my nephew
for the first time.
Ah, okay.
That was the rite of passage.
See?
Oh, God.
The audience was on the edge of their seat.
Now, did Large Marge scare them?
They scared the piss out of them.
That is just so different than the
rest of the movie i cannot get that image and the kids knew something weird was about to happen
because it was me and my sister then yeah you're all like my sister and i get up and we're turning
away from the tv to watch the kids reacting like what the fuck what are you getting ready for yeah
why are you watching us that? That scene has such an impact
on kids' minds.
It had on all of ours.
My son,
I showed him
Pee-wee's
not too long ago
and we were going
to an art book
at one point
and he saw
Edward Monk's
The Scream
and he goes,
Large Marge!
Wow!
All right,
well,
you should show him
The Scream movie
and send him straight
but,
yeah, it's, Large Marge was a jump scare in a movie that shouldn't have a jump scare.
No.
That's why it was so effective.
It's also like how the scary parts of Willy Wonka are so effective.
It's like, why are there fucking scary parts?
Did they just kill a chicken?
They sure did.
Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, Pee-wee's Big Adventure also has the clown. The clown is scarier than Large Marge, actually. Yeah, it's wild.
Yeah, Pee-wee's
Big Adventure also
has the clown.
The clown is scarier
than Large Marge,
actually.
The nightmare of
the clown.
Yeah, the clown is
just there.
But anyway, Halle Berry
is not in Pee-wee's
Big Adventure.
Final answer.
Yeah, I mean, it
would be better if
she was.
Yeah.
Yeah, but.
She's always
welcome in any
movie.
He's not, Mark still has to recommend a Halle Berry movie.
I'm not going to let him off.
Oh, okay, no.
I'll recommend one of Halle Berry's first performances on the big screen,
starring one of my favorite comedians and actors of all time, Boomerang.
Oh, yeah.
All right, swing and a miss with the crowd,
but I'd say hit that curveball out of the stadium.
I think a bunch of 20-year-olds are like, okay.
Ghosties Boomerang.
Seminal movie of the 90s.
Please don't say seminal.
It's a good movie of the 90s.
There is this seminal film that I feel really, to me,
I know she didn't do a ton of comedy,
but I loved monsters
ball you really got it so that one day maybe a little bit too dark for
everybody but yes you're right about the comedy thing now I'm trying to think of
a comedy that's got Halle Berry in it.
Boomerang!
That movie 43, I guess.
She's in the sequence in that.
That's what got her out of the comedy game.
All right, so what's your answer?
Monster's Ball.
You're going Monster's Ball?
Yeah.
Okay.
I didn't know if that was a joke answer.
It was such a good joke.
Yeah, solid joke.
Thank you.
And you have to write it down?
He's just holding
that against me.
I'm not going to remember.
What did he say? Did he say Monster Zeke?
They break into Kevin Spacey's apartment in 7
and there's writings. That's what Doug is working
on right now.
People love to comment on how...
I'm sorry, I didn't pick Gothica.
But you know what
you gotta appreciate
anyone that can get
their whole manifesto
on one
fair
I use both sides
but it's all on there
as long as Doug
brought the right manifesto
right
that's the most
important thing
is that it's here
and we're all safe
and
monsters ball
yeah
John Wick
good recommendation
John Wick 4 John Wick. John Wick 4.
John Wick 4?
Is it 4?
3.
3.
She might be in 4.
I hope she's in 4, and I hope she brings her dogs.
Also, I got to train at 8711, which is the stunt gym where the John Wick stunt team trains.
She was there.
And I got to see her work out, and she looks like...
This is weird.
She doesn't age, and she looks beautiful.
I mean, Chalker, Holly Berry looks really good,
but I saw her recently.
She still looks really good.
I believe that.
You're like Roy Scheider in Jaws.
You're like, I know what a shark looks like
because I saw one up close.
Some people you see some people like on camera
and they look
really nice
but then maybe
you see them
in person
and you're like
and you don't
recognize them
isn't that crazy
when you see
someone and you're like
this person has
familiar energy
and then you're like
oh now I know
who you are
but it was like
there's no mistaking
it's like how do you
just nothing
no just
she looked like
in her mid 30s
it was unfair
I really like that
you know she directed a movie about her being a UFC fighter.
She was training for that.
Yeah, and I think she pulled it off.
The movie didn't get as much attention as it deserves, I don't think.
Yeah, yeah.
What are you looking it up, David?
He's adding it to his letterbox.
What was it called?
Was it like Broken or something?
It was called Unbroken. Was it Broken? Was it like Broken or something?
Broken.
Was it Broken?
I think so.
It's not Unbroken.
That's the Angelina Jolie directed movie.
But yeah,
the word break is in it.
Yeah.
Some tense.
The generic aspect
of titles
is getting a little
frustrating to me.
Yeah,
and they're becoming
like weird long phrases
and shit.
Right, yeah,
like sentences
that like when you're
trying to remember it later
you're like,
was that movie called
I'm Thinking of Ending Things?
Bruised.
Damn it.
Bruised.
Broken was so close.
Bruised.
But I'm sorry, Mark,
you lose.
You have to go home.
Nice try.
You really had a nice run.
In Mark's case,
he gets to go home.
Finally.
Five weeks made him fly back
from Virginia early
to do it again
he's got a show
in Virginia tonight
I was flying back
he's gonna
they still put me up in
alright so
where are we at
Gabrus
yes
I
was a child
in the 90s
so swordfish.
Yep, yep.
That's fair.
Sorry.
Sorry to say.
What drew you to that movie?
If you could pick one or two reasons.
I mean, in hindsight, the misogynoir of Hollywood is pretty fucking wild because I knew as a
child that a woman was, what her per breast rate was.
I remember that was
the big news story.
She got a million a tit
or something like that.
I think it was 250K.
250K a boob per boob,
but she got half a mil overall
to be topless in that movie.
And then I went,
you heard about it,
then you go to the movie
and the context
in which she's topless
is two,
she's just tanning
and moves the thing and she's topless
and then puts the thing back on.
And I was like, oh, this is uncomfortable.
This feels like, it wasn't sexy, it was just like,
it's like, yeah, here you go, 500 grand, let's go.
It's a simple shot.
I think she's reading a book.
Yeah, oh yeah, she's reading a book.
That's what she was reading.
It still took him 48 takes to get that shot.
Jan de Bont sweating, like I gotta get this, I gotta get she's reading a book. That's what she was reading. It still took him 48 takes to get that shot. Jan de Bont sweating, like, I gotta get this.
I gotta get it on the next one.
Good answer.
What's yours? Yeah, great movie.
Great movie, Swordfish.
It's fun.
I mean, it's got Hugh Jackman and Travolta, right?
Right.
Yeah.
Hugh Jackman.
Yeah.
I mean, the closet energy on set must have been wild.
As I said that,
I was like,
Holly Berry's
showing her tits
and Hugh Jackman
and Travolta
are like practicing
wrestling.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
It's for an upcoming
movie we're both
training for.
Hey,
let's go,
let's have a fight.
Let's put in our teeth
and put on our hair
and have a good
few rounds of scrappling.
Yeah, those two.
Travolta, I got to say,
some of my favorite later Travolta performances,
because he didn't get to do it much when he was young.
He was always like the hero when he was young.
But his later performances, his villain roles,
like he nails some of them.
Not all of them.
Let's not get crazy.
He's taking swings.
But he takes the swings.
Did you see the movie he was in that was directed by Fred Durst?
Where he plays off a super fan?
It's a silly movie, but he has a good performance in it.
It's a good performance.
It's him and Devin Sawa, right?
Yes, that's right.
And directed by Fred Durst.
Really?
He's obsessed, right?
Yeah, he's a super fan of Devin Sawa,
which makes sense.
What?
I saw on Twitter today that Devin Sawa said
he would never work with Steven Seagal.
Yeah, that seems...
That seems like you're supposed to just add that to your bio.
But then Fred Durst is like,
hey, I want to direct a movie.
I'm fucking in.
Then we're going to tie it all together
because you know Halle Berry was dating Fred Durst
when she made Gothica
so that she did the music video on the set of Gothica
for Fred Durst's cover of Pink Floyd's Comfortably Not.
That's the winner of the day.
Holy shit, you get to come back next week for that.
You got a winner already?
That's the tiebreaker.
We're all tied at the end.
That's a good one.
I think it goes to Double D.
We've been talking about
Fred Durst so much today.
I learned a new one today.
I went to the tiebreaker theater.
I learned a new,
you know,
story that's very similar
to that one,
but it's about Sammy Hagar.
I'm a huge Van Halen fan, Doug.
All right, well, you might not like this so much.
Apparently a lot of people couldn't drive 55 lately.
But the story...
It's very tough.
The story comes from...
Sorry.
In Virginia, the speed limit's 70.
From Eddie Van Halen.
Yeah.
Who says that when they were... When Sammy Hagar was in the band,
they were given the assignment to write a song for the motion picture Twister.
Yep.
Humans being.
That's what they came up with, humans being.
But the, Jan de Bont, the director of the film uh told sammy hagar uh you know just write a song
don't write don't write a song about tornadoes just write a song it's like a van halen song
and uh and then he did a lot of research on tornadoes and he told him i don't think he
wants tornadoes in the song i don't know why you're doing all this tornado stuff.
And Sammy Hagar just kept insisting on putting tornado words
into the Twister song.
I don't know what happened eventually,
but it's still funny to me imagining
Jan de Bont having to argue with Sammy Hagar
and he said he just wasn't getting it.
He kept saying no tornado words
and then he'd just write another version with tornado words in it.
This is revelatory to me.
I've read no less than 15 different Van Halen biographies.
They're all on the back of my toilet.
And I've never heard that Yonda Bond is actually the reason why that version of Van Halen broke up.
Because that was the song that broke Van Halen up.
Because they recorded Balance, and there were some internal tensions.
And then the next year, they all want to go on go on vacation they got to write this song for twister
and that that was the straw that broke the camel's back like they didn't record it together anymore
fucking yonder bun i can't drive f5 wow
pressure
coming down the plains those are both
perfect examples
and thank you
for these
Halle Berry
recommendations
I mean personally
I don't want to
put my thumb
on the scale
as they say
but I'd probably
go John Wick 3
because she's just
got dogs
that just bite
bad guys in the dick
and it's amazing
look out Tommy Luke it's fantastic. Look out, Tommy Lee.
It's fantastic.
Just the idea that somebody as awesome as Halle Berry
is just running around with killer dogs
makes me very happy.
Excellent choice, Daniela.
Let's take our first of two very brief commercial breaks.
We'll be right back.
Woo!
We're back!
Yeah.
Yeah, commercials.
It's just an ugly thing we have to do,
and I appreciate anybody who knows how to fast forward.
Skill that really comes in handy out there. Out there in the modern jungle. who knows how to fast forward.
Skillet really comes in handy out there.
Out there in the modern jungle.
Okay, so here's who's playing for who.
We decided that during the break.
David is playing for Cheryl.
And Mark is playing for OG Gatorade Man.
Josh, right? Josh. Yeah. That's all I wrote down was OG Gatorade Man. Josh, right?
Josh.
Yeah.
That's all I wrote down was OG Gatorade.
I didn't write down the Josh part.
We got the color of beverage right.
Yeah.
He's a Mountain Dew guy.
Yeah. Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
I didn't even write down the right beverage.
I switched it to Gatorade.
I'm like, you sure you don't want to, you know, it's got some little electrolytes in there.
You're looking out for Josh.
It's a little better for you, I think, but not much.
Maybe a little bit.
Mountain Dew is like Gatorade with bubbles.
Remember when we were kids and Gatorade was like health?
They'd be like, it's a healthy drink.
Yeah, it's like, hey kids, this is definitely not 300 calories of bullshit.
We were drinking Snapple iced teas like it was water.
My mom's like, just have a Snapple, no soda.
Remember Fruitopia?
It's like we're at Woodstock.
So-called vitamin water is one of the sweetest things I've ever drunk.
So nasty.
All right.
That's who everybody's playing for.
And let's begin our games with one of my favorites.
It's called
Who Has My Pig?
Yeah, see?
See, there's a few people.
There's a few people that like it.
The great Nicolas Cage
made a motion picture
called Pig.
One of the most hilarious non-comedies
ever made.
Walks a real line.
And I love it.
I love his character in the movie. He's of course a man
who's searching for his pig.
And he's very
focused on getting
that pig back.
So in this game, all your
mics are hot, so guess as often as you like, I'm
going to accuse a Hollywood celebrity, could be an East Coast celebrity, just a celebrity.
I'm going to accuse a celebrity of taking my pig, and while yelling at them reveal
some clues
about the celebrity I'm speaking to
can we just shout out the answer
shout it out
shout out our name to buzz in
just shout it out because it's that fast
it could happen that quickly
and you gotta interrupt
Ellen DeGeneres
what if the celebrity
is one of us?
Two terrific guesses.
But now you're both negative one point.
No, there's no penalty for wrong guesses.
And what was your question, John?
What if the celebrity is one of us?
Oh, that'd be wild.
I should do that sometime.
That'd be fun.
Last time Sam Levine was on, I tricked him,
and he thought the answer was him,
but it was someone else.
Yeah, he buzzed in confidently.
Sam!
The answer is Sam Levine.
I was like, no, it isn't.
That warms my heart.
I just sat back.
Yeah, it was fun.
Okay.
And just to get into the character, you know, kind of method about it,
I say the same thing, similar thing at the beginning each time.
That's not a clue.
Just gets me into it.
Do you have my pig?
Do you have my pick?
I might be going overboard, but I think... Mark, Kurt Russell.
Goldie Hawn.
Who said Goldie Hawn?
David?
David Godden is Goldie Hawn.
I like Mark.
Mark said, Mark, Kurt Russell.
Yeah, right, right, yeah.
Wait, I'm so confused.
I might be going overboard starring Goldie Hawn.
But I think you snatched starring Goldie Hawn. But I think you snatched
starring Goldie Hawn,
my pig.
Death does not become her.
So that's the idea.
We all know what's happening.
All on the same page.
David has a point.
Ellen DeGeneres.
It's always a good pre-guess.
She hasn't been in a movie
in 20 years.
Mr. Wrong.
We'll do Ellen DeGeneres movies
another time.
I think I just won. No, she's in a bunch of them.
Okay, she's in a few movies. She's in Ed TV.
Alright, alright. This isn't the Ellen DeGeneres game.
This is the next one. Here we go.
Everybody's... your microphones are all unlocked. Here we go.
You don't have to test it. I just told you.
Well, you telling me makes me think they're not for some reason.
I was assuming it was live.
Then you say they're all unlocked.
I'm like, what the fuck?
No, no, we lock them down in between rounds.
Just know I'm going to buzz in with my name again.
Sam Levy.
Mark Paul Gosselaar.
Do you have my pig?
Are you one of those ruthless people?
Oh, Danny DeVito.
Or...
Billy Crystal.
Would you use your hocus pocus?
Mark.
It's Ben Midler.
I said Mark again.
Damn it.
Hey, you know, her original name
was Mark Bette Midler.
So you really should get
the point, but
since she had it removed, she had to change it for
Sag.
But yeah,
I think Daniela got in
ahead of you, because she did it
the right way.
I get it now. I get what this game is
Alright
You feel good, you're on the board?
She's happy
Five minutes ago you were like
This is some sort of fucking
What kind of joke is this?
It's a hidden camera show
for True TV.
We got you here.
You don't realize.
He's yelling in a Nicolas Cage voice
and you go,
Goldie Hawn.
I was like,
what the fuck does that mean?
This is the last line
of the last one.
LA is nice,
especially the beaches.
All right, here we go.
I think he does like the beach.
If he could live in a castle on the beach, he would.
He likes castles.
I remember I was driving along in Hollywood one day.
Somebody was like, that's Nicolas Cage's house
and it looked like a castle.
He likes pyramids, not castles.
Oh.
Is that a pyramid?
He pre-bought his pyramid grave in New Orleans.
I just visited it.
Right?
I mean, I'm talking a long time ago
he had a house that was like a castle.
He's always, you know, that's the thing.
He keeps some interesting actors.
He's always changing his hobbies.
But never his black dye.
Mm-mm.
That always stays the same.
Yeah, keep it just pitch black.
Oh, he visited his grave.
Just a color.
He pre-bought his grave.
The color of hair.
It's in the St. Louis Cemetery in New Orleans.
Did you pre-pay
your respects
I did
I was like
you're an amazing actor
and I hope you have
a great comeback
you were like
I love Wicker Man 2
you're just guessing
what he might
have been done
before he passes away
yes
when you returned
to Las Vegas
I thought
you deserved
another Oscar
arriving Las Vegas leaving Las Vegas 2 colon arriving Las Vegas it I thought you deserved another Oscar. Arriving Las Vegas.
Leaving Las Vegas too.
Calling arriving Las Vegas.
It's like a weekend
at Bernie's type comedy.
He's sober now.
I'm trying to enjoy it.
Nick is gone.
He's free from this life.
He finally has his
Declaration of Independence.
But he's still gonna be
buried next to
Patricia Arquette.
It's weird.
Alright. I'm gonna be buried next to Patricia Arquette, it's weird.
All right.
Do you have my pig?
I mean, something's gotta give. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson!
Diane Keaton.
Diane Keaton is correct.
Oh no, wait, wait, wait.
Mark Diane Keaton, damn it.
Something's gotta give me my pig back.
Does the father of the bride or the mother of Family Stone have my pig?
All right, so that was Diane and Keaton.
So now, Mark, you're on the board.
This is exciting.
I know.
Everybody's getting them. Everybody. It. I know. Everybody's getting them.
Everybody.
It's so exciting.
Everybody's getting them.
Everyone gets a point.
Everybody's having... Just put a point that makes everybody's name.
Who gives a fuck?
It's a first round.
For all the runners up today, we have Pig the Home Game.
All right.
Let's see.
I'll look right...
I'll try to look right at you, John, for this one and see if...
Now I'm nervous.
See if old Gabey can pick up a point.
Do you have my pig?
Country or city?
Have sex wherever you want.
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Patrick Swayze.
Sarah Jessica Parker is correct.
Wow.
I'm sorry I didn't
look at you.
John.
No, that's okay.
I didn't deserve that.
Yeah.
I had no idea.
All right.
Well, guess what?
That's a hell of a
that's a hell of a
pool of data.
Yeah, that was
fantastic.
And you are the
winner of this game.
What does that mean? It just means you get to go first in the next game. What does that mean?
It just means you get to go first in the next game.
Does that give you an advantage?
Maybe.
Can't say for sure.
But here's, I had one more
written out.
So let's do it. Just because I wrote it down
might as well do it, right?
Everybody ready?
I like how David doesn't even need the microphone
to be he's like got it he's like making it as hard for himself to get the microphone to his mouth
he's an active oh look at that look at that oh shit all right i take it back he's fast
he's like a pitcher he just keeps checking the first
he's a regular
Doc Holliday
with that thing
alright
do you have my pig
Maggie Smith
the English
cast
wait
it's just Maggie Smith
that is correct
the last one I always just say the name
And see how confused everybody is
You know what's so funny?
I almost buzzed in with Helen Mirren for some reason
Mark, Helen Mirren
Charlotte Rampling
All these dames look the same
But anyway, that didn't affect your win, Daniel
You gotta go first
Helen DeGener in our next game.
You're not going to want to guess Ellen DeGeneres anymore
because the answers are not people's names in this next game.
She'll be mean to me if I'm on her show.
Because we're going to play...
It's over.
That'd be funny to make a movie of somebody
just getting off the bus.
It's their first day in Hollywood.
I'm going to try to get on the Ellen show.
All right, here we go.
The game is called
Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
Who's a tag-a-liner is it?
All right.
There will be a theme in this game.
Not to be confused with whose skin tag is it anyway.
I'm playing...
If we ever get a video version of this show,
that would be great.
It would be a really fun game to play.
But since we only have words and sounds,
I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture.
It could be
any motion picture
from the history
of cinema.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Probably a talkie,
though.
Okay.
Not going to make
any promises.
These can be tough,
but some of them
are easy.
You just don't know
what's going to happen.
Oh, shit.
And we take turns.
Oh, shit. And we take turns. Oh, shit.
So,
Danielle,
you're up first.
Okay.
You need the character
or actor?
I will tell you
the tagline from a movie.
Okay.
And I'm going to tell you
what movie it is.
C,
none of the above.
And you tell me.
I'm getting too old for this shit.
There's no multiple choice.
You just have to take a wild guess
based on the tagline.
And if you miss it,
then David gets a chance at it.
Then Mark.
Then Gabrus.
And if everybody misses it,
nobody gets the point.
Okay. And I go home angry.
I take my shit and I leave.
You go home early and angry.
Yeah, game's over.
You can't fucking get these.
No, they are tough,
and it's fun to just take a wild guess
and maybe possibly be right.
And, you know, who knows?
Mark's pretty good at this game.
Witness the movie that broke up Van Halen.
That'd be weird if taglines were that specific about things that hadn't happened yet.
Do you love the world's greatest hard rock band?
Not anymore.
But watch Twister.
While you're at it,
how do you feel about tornadoes?
Do you like them more or less than Van Halen?
It's not just an acrobatic
party game anymore.
The temperature's dropping with the jet stream
coming across the plains.
Right now.
Hey, it's getting windy.
This was so much
better than yours.
What the fuck
was that?
The wind is swirling fast.
Right now,
a fucking cow
just flew my head.
Really like that band,
y'all.
We're gonna
pour some cans of Pepsi in the eye of this sick bitch.
All right.
Dorothy.
You ready, Dee?
Yeah.
Okay.
What movie do you think has the tagline,
oh, and there will be a theme that emerges,
but of course, early on, don't even bother yourself with it. That's not the tagline. Oh, and there will be a theme that emerges, but of course, this early on don't even bother yourself with it.
That's not the tagline.
I'll say it again.
What movie is this from? There's a theme,
but it hasn't emerged yet, so just wait for it.
Just one of the guys.
No, I haven't gotten to it yet. Here it is.
Okay.
Get a clue!
Exclamation point.
Get a clue. Exclamation point. Get a clue.
Yeah.
This is so dumb.
That bold and clever tagline.
Get a clue.
A clue.
Right?
Your instincts might be right.
I got two obvious ones.
I think we all got those.
One has a less at the end of it, the other one doesn't.
Fuck!
I'm gonna go with
clue. All of those taglines
have words from the title in the
tagline, you know, like the tagline for E.T.
was E.T. E.T. E.T.
What was your guess?
Clue.
Clue?
No, sorry.
It's not clueless.
It was a good guess.
I'm not going to say.
I am guessing.
That's still out there
on the table
for any pirate to steal.
Clueless.
Incorrect, Mark.
Is it really not clueless?
It's not clueless.
That was my guess, too.
Luckily, I didn't say it
because it wasn't my turn.
Get a clue.
Get a clue.
I mean, I think they just ran
with all her catchphrases
on the poster, right?
It wasn't just like, as if.
I'm going to go with
the Pink Panther.
He's so impressed
if that's right.
Well, time for you
to be impressed. Because that's right well time for you to be impressed
because that is correct
really
wow that's amazing
sometimes it's good to not even get a chance
to guess actually it's not that amazing he runs a
trivia podcast
but I was totally going to guess
clueless and then I would have guessed clue
so I'm so happy I had
those were my two guesses too
so if I would have gone third I would have sat here
stone-faced for like six minutes
that's pretty good
alright
you're gonna go first on this round
though John
pressure's on you buddy
and don't forget that the first title
so far is the pink panther steve martin one
not the uh right peter so you kind of you could have been saying either one we didn't know which
one you meant i'll never tell yeah but you still it was still the answer i was looking for only Only Josh and I know.
I don't even think Josh knows. Josh is Gatorade Guy's friend, right?
With the Mountain Dew?
I think everybody here today is friends.
It's that kind of crowd.
Let's stop by Doug's show on our way to dinner.
They're all going over to
Chuck Entertainment Cheeses.
John Gabrus,
what movie has the tagline,
Don't Fight the Feeling?
Don't Fight the Feeling?
Yeah, Don't Fight the Feeling. Shit. Don't Fight the feeling yeah don't fight the feeling
shit
don't fight the feeling
don't
um
Blue Valentine
okay
that movie features feelings right?
I think so
I'm coming across as
detached from society as I should be
yeah
there's a lot of people are upset in that movie.
Two people.
That was a rough one.
So that was not right.
I like to stretch it out and make it suspenseful.
I'll get back to you later on that one, Danielle.
Wait, is there a rule that a word in the tagline is a word
in the title of the film? Yeah. There's no rule
like that. I think he was joking. Oh,
okay. Yeah. I was saying...
That's what's a clue in Pink Panther.
They tend to not have...
In this game, I wouldn't be
like, you know, what movie had the tagline?
You'll feel like you're gone with the wind.
I like what amount of head games are part of this.
You have broken us each psychologically like MK Ultra.
I also thought the phrases were going to be a little longer.
They're so short.
Right.
These are short ones, but there might be long ones coming up.
I'm not going to tell.
I have it written down in my sketchy notes.
But what do you think it is?
Don't fight the feeling.
Okay, well, I'm going to say it's going to be a more male-oriented film
because I feel like Sylvester Stallone would deliver a line like that.
So I'm going to just go and say Rocky.
Hey, Adrian, don't fight the feeling.
Yeah.
These are my turtles, Cuff and Link. Don't fight the feeling. These are my turtles, Cuff and Link.
Don't fight the feeling.
He's so sweet and shy in that movie,
and so is Adrian,
but I still like...
Nerds.
But just the way he hangs off the door jamb
when he's talking to her,
she should have ran.
Yeah.
That's not good when somebody does that to you. She should have ran. Yeah. That's not good
when somebody does that to you.
It's a little creepy.
I mean, his lats are impressive.
Do you want to come in
and see my turtles
and my armpits?
All right.
Whose turn is it?
That was long.
David.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
I will say
Trolls.
The Trolls movie.
Terrific guess.
Mark?
Mark?
I am going to guess,
because I think I've stumbled onto the theme of this game.
For some reason, I want to say it's the movie Roxanne.
Oh.
No.
Is it Dirty Dancing Havana Nights?
No, it isn't.
But another terrific guess.
The actual answer is the fighting temptations.
Ah.
So see, there is sometimes where the word fight did show up in both.
What year did that come out?
That was a year that I did not write down.
It was a piece of research that I had not included.
But if I have to guess, I'd say in the 1900s to 2000s.
Somewhere in that range.
I think that's right.
Point for Gabrus.
I think you're right.
All right.
So what do we got here so far?
Just Mark on the board in this game.
But we still have one more game to play after this.
So let's get going.
John Gabrus.
We're still playing the same game. Yes. Yeah, so let's get going. John Gabrus. We're still playing the same game?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, we've got to get it done.
Here we go.
We've got to get somebody to two points.
John Gabrus, what movie had the tagline, Be Prepared?
Um, Without a Paddle.
Oh. That is a good one. that is a good one
that is a good one
why did you bring a paddle
that's incorrect I'm guessing
I've seen that movie I forget do they really need
a paddle or is it just
it's just a fun title and it doesn't really come into play
like do they lose their paddle
that was back in the day where you couldn't
call it shit creek but now times have changed
you can have the shit creek
I think
I think somebody's ready to answer
I think you're next
what do you think it is
Lion King
that is correct
what the shit how did you know that
Lion King isn't a boy scout
how could they just say be King isn't a Boy Scout.
How could they just say, be prepared?
Isn't that the Boy Scout motto? I was going to guess the last Boy Scout.
I guess there's a whole song in Lion King called Be Prepared.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Scar sings it because, you know, he likes his enemies to, you know, he likes a fair fight.
So he's like, be prepared.
Be prepared. he likes a fair fight so he's like be prepared be prepared he warned Bufasa
is all I'm saying
you know
I'd like to see him
in a
Klaus von Bulow musical
alright
you're on the board
you did it
Lion King
correct
terribly exciting You're on the board. You did it. Lion King, correct.
Terribly exciting for two of our players.
David's first on this next one.
Oh, this is, I think you might get this one.
This is for you, Cheryl.
A new breed of evil. I'm going to say the answer is...
Relic.
Oh, that's a really good answer.
That's a deep cut, and it sounds right, Doug.
Right? But it's a really good answer. That's a deep cut, and it sounds right, Doug. Right?
But it's not.
But yeah.
That's a really good, that's a good yes. Yeah, that was, yes.
That would fit perfectly. Sorry, Sean.
It was not for you. That was for
someone else.
Alright, uh...
Mark? Yeah, it sounds like
some shit was grown in a lab accidentally.
You know?
Like we created a new species.
Damn.
Oh!
Please let that be wrong, because that was my guess.
That's not my official guess.
Wow, then I think you put the verbal bold on the wrong word.
If I'm being perfectly honest, I wasn't even thinking about the movie speech when I said that.
And now if it's right,
I'm going to be really pissed.
A new breed of evil.
Ellen DeGeneres.
A new breed of evil.
It's like we were like
splicing shit
it's not the movie Splice
unless it is
but I'm not gonna guess that
he's like working movie titles
into his guess
to see your reaction
he's like yeah
I mean
man I'm hungrier
than a gremlin
okay
whoops
am I giving too good a clue
I meant critter
I meant critter
not gremlin I meant critter. I meant critter, not gremlin.
I meant ghoulie.
Just spit one out.
It's going to be wrong.
All right.
Then I will go with Alien 3.
Incorrect.
Alien to the third power, you mean?
That's Resurrection, right?
Yeah.
What?
Wait.
3 is the little 3.
Is Resurrection 4?
Just Alien 3.
4 is Resurrection.
Yeah.
I love that movie.
3 has got the little
Alien to the third power.
Yeah.
3 is one that people pretend to like now.
Alien's cubed, if you will.
Oh.
Look at the big brains on Brad
watch me get my tenth fucking question
wrong since you said take a rip
you'll be wrong makes me think
species isn't the answer but that was my
guess so I'm sticking to my motherfucking
guns and I'm going species
I like it I like you you're a
player of integrity
and unfortunately and I'm going species. I like it. I like you. You're a player of integrity.
Unfortunately.
That is an incorrect answer.
Everyone's going to be mad when they hear what the answer is.
It's Austin Powers in Gold...
Oh, shit.
You weren't going to say that anyway.
But it's Austin Powers in Goldmember.
Right?
Which one were you going to say, Danielle?
Well, I was going to say,
what if it's like a,
I could see it being
a Marvel movie.
Oh, right.
Like Ultron or somebody's
the new evil.
I could see it being
a Jurassic Park thing.
Cujo.
Oh, that's true, actually.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
They breed stuff
and sometimes it goes bad, Doug.
Most of the time.
That's the majority
of the time. Almost every the majority of the time.
Almost every time.
And you're out there trying to save them.
Well, I'm sorry I tried to skip you.
Yeah.
Whatever you were going to say was wrong.
God, that's evil.
That's a new ingredient.
Because nobody was on the Dr. Evil tip.
They didn't figure out that that's what that's in reference to
it'd be awesome
the first one
we would have
all had a shot
it's like
one's harder
yeah
absolutely
and also
they have
I have
multiple taglines
to choose from
so of course
I picked the one
that's like
why did they
come up with that
why did they
think that
represented
that's funny
mini me
I guess
they're moving
exactly
all right
so we've got
a very
very exciting
game
but we we got to very very exciting game but we
gotta break the tie because I've got one more game
to play today
let me just give a message to the
Dynasty Typewriter real quick
attention Dynasty Typewriter we're going
long
alright so
just wanted to warn them give them a heads up
because you know it's rude to just go along
not saying anything
who's up next?
David
no, I was first
because Daniela got the last point
so you get to go first
oh, well, fine
fine
alright, so we've got
Pink Panther Pink Panther,
Pink Panther,
Fighting Tiptage,
his Lion King,
also the more recent one,
2019,
and Austin Powers and Goldmember.
What do you think this is, David?
Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Is that your final answer?
Oh, wait.
Go ahead.
Second row Van Halen tickets
Beware the obsession
Resist the obsession
Escape the obsession
Calvin Klein
I
I feel like that
would have been
the tagline
for the film
Fatal Attraction
oh that's good
that's really good
I'm going to come up with a new game
where I just reward people for really coming up with good answers that match the tagline.
It feels like I'm getting a good effort prize here, Cheryl.
It is tough to do.
I'm really sorry.
It's tough to do, but that is not the answer I'm looking for.
That's not the correct answer.
Mark?
Can I hear the tagline one more time?
It was a bit of a wordy one.
You may, yes.
Beware the obsession.
Resist the obsession.
Escape the obsession.
The obsession.
Obsession.
Obsession.
Obsession.
Escape it.
Liar.
Confession.
I saw a guy on a game show the other day
and they were like so you're into escape rooms
and he goes yeah I've done 27
escape rooms and only didn't get
out of 5 of them and I'm like
I thought you'd only not be able to get out of 1
and you're done
wouldn't you still be in that room
what are you bragging about
he didn't solve the puzzle five times.
He should be stuck there.
Alright.
Another werewolf of London has arrived.
What's your answer?
My answer is
Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring.
Oh, great answer because it's got so many words.
John?
Cape Fear.
Oh, great answer because it's only two words.
Danielle?
Jumanji.
Oh, no.
I like you have to look at that moment.
Was it Jumanji?
Wait, could it be?
It wasn't maybe Jumanji?
I had to make sure.
Beware, escape, and what was the last one?
Escape, yeah.
Beware, resist, escape.
Resist, escape.
Which are, you know, basically,
those are the three rules of any date I go on.
You just text them, beware, resist, escape.
Yeah, in any order that you feel comfortable
what's your answer?
Jumanji
oh right, Jumanji, sorry, that's incorrect
it's a motion picture called
Obsessed
yeah, it was right there for the taking
starring John Travolta
they say Obsessed fans directed by the great Fred Durst Yeah, it was right there for the taking. Starring John Travolta. They say obsessed fans.
Directed by the great Fred Durst.
Fred Durst.
No, it's...
That one's called Fanatic, correct?
Wait, Obsession?
Obsessed.
Yeah.
Obsessed.
Is that like a 70s movie?
No, no, it's a dude that's obsessed with Beyonce.
Oh, yeah.
He won't leave her alone. He's like hanging out at her lemonade stand
all day.
He's a renaissance man.
That would be so cool
if she only had really super pricey
lemonade out in front of her house.
They could wear the hot dog on a stick outfits.
Benson steps up to the plate.
It's long.
It's high.
It's out of here.
We got to settle this tie that we have currently between two of our players.
Mark and Danielle have won each.
It's out.
So should me and David sit out this round?
No, we have special headphones for you to wear
so you don't hear what's happening.
The ones my neighbor put on me
when he would come to visit my mom.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so this last one,
David and John sit this one out.
The other two players... Big shift for me.
You don't have to buzz in with your name,
but you do have to be the fastest one to answer
because this last one is super easy especially
if you're sensing what the theme is I have no idea I even added a word to it
to make sure somebody gets it so now it's just a matter of who gets it the
quickest okay here we go Some dreams do come true.
That is correct.
You win.
Who's tagline is it anyway?
I got the theme now.
It was the new Lion King, correct?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so it's all Beyonce movies.
I got it.
I mentioned it was the new one just to be on the up and up.
What was the movie?
The movie was Dreamgirls.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, and I didn't have to say it, but I really wanted to go,
some dreams do come true, girl.
I'm still thinking about that would have been a better tagline for Lord of the Rings.
Some dreams do come true?
No, the obsessed one
remember when
Bilbo just freaked out
for a second
right yeah
he lost his shit
it would be weird
the tagline is
from Smeagol's perspective
like he's the real
protagonist of this
well if you think about it
he's the one most
connected to the
never mind
I'll talk about this
the whole time
at my wife
on the ride home
while she's looking
at her phone
it's funny you missed the turn think about Smeagol though because the thing about while she's looking at her phone.
It's funny,
you miss the turn. Think about Spiegel though
because the thing about him
is like,
why did I go to
this fucking show?
All right,
we're out of time
but we're going to
forge ahead anyway
and we're going to
take a very quick
commercial break
and then get right
back into it
because we've got
one more game to play.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
We're back!
Fastest commercial breaks in the biz.
And I'm very proud of it. And I'm very
proud of my guest today. It's been very
competitive.
It has. I just don't know who's
going to win this thing at this point. The answer is
Daniela. Do I get the
point? I guess she could pull this
off. Anything can happen.
Yeah.
Can anything happen?
She gets to go first in this next
game.
But just for the first round,
we're going to play four rounds of this game,
hopefully quickly,
and each of you will get a chance to go first once
because basically what we're going to do is,
it's called Filmily Feud.
It's like Family Feud,
if all the questions were about filmilys
no um let me see if uh okay so i'm gonna start with you daniella i'm gonna say
uh the question that i asked on twitter and I took down the percentages of the answers,
not unlike how they do on Family Feud.
They poll 100 people,
and they say what number of people said the thing.
And it takes so fucking long.
I'm trying to like, how can I explain this quicker?
You can't.
So basically, it's like Family Feud.
You get to go first daniela and you get to uh answer this first question what you think you want to answer what you think was
the most popular answer in my poll that i did okay yeah uh the first thing i asked is, I'm a dot dot dot question mark. And then I gave four choices. Because let's
face it, Sex and the City is a TV show, right? But they've made two movies. So it's fair
game for Doug Love's movies to talk about Sex and the City. So I wrote I'm a dot dot
dot and then gave the people answering the poll four choices.
Okay.
Miranda, Samantha, Carrie, or Charlotte.
Oh.
Which one do you think got the most love of those four? I'm going to say Samantha.
Those four ladies.
Not in the new series, Samantha.
But maybe that's why she'd get a lot of votes because people feel bad for her.
I don't know.
Promiscuous. Her character, yes.
Yes. Oh, I thought this was just overall.
No.
No, she was cool. She was chill.
Wait, I think you're all having
a different conversation at the same time.
You're so confused.
The only word
that keeps coming back in my head is like,
we gotta do this one quick and doug is like
we really need to rush this so anyway
i just don't want this to end to be honest with you but uh samantha is uh taken okay Samantha is taken. David, of the remaining three, which one
do you think? Miranda.
You think
people think they're a Miranda?
Sure. I don't know, Doug.
He's going to reveal which one was the most
popular once we're all tied.
Once you all lock in
and answer, then I'll tell you.
I got backup over here.
Since I'm not really answering any questions, I think I'll just help explain the game.
Which is the Cynthia Nixon one?
Damn it.
Wait a second.
We've got to switch the order around, though, from the last game, so it's John's turn.
You don't have more time to think, David.
But I...
John?
Did we say Miranda?
So, wait. What have we said so far?
Samantha?
I thought I was going last,
so I was just going to eat whichever one Nolan chose.
Samantha was right.
Just Samantha.
Samantha was right, you said?
Hey, if you want to move it a little faster, let's go.
I was thinking I want somebody to read me my Samantha rights.
You have the right to a vibrator if you can have a huge one.
Okay, so which one do you pick, Abris?
You go Miranda?
Miranda.
Okay, you go Miranda.
And then Mark, that leaves Carrie or Charlotte.
Yeah, I feel like Twitter looks at you as a self-starter,
so I'm going to go with Carrie.
Okay.
Then I guess I'm Charlotte.
Yeah.
I always liked her the best, if that helps.
I would have done that one.
This is where I reveal the results,
and it's pretty exciting that Charlotte did manage to beat Carrie by a mere 1%.
Carrie's 19%, Charlotte's 20%, Miranda 26%, and Samantha did indeed come out on top with 35%.
Danielle, you are taking this thing so far.
Oh, shit.
Shocker, I get all the women votes.
Now John gets to go first this round.
See, everybody gets a chance.
Okay, I get it.
You know what I'm saying?
But you may get a question.
You don't have any idea.
I'm positive.
That's true.
All right.
Sticking with the Sex and the City theme that I have going here,
I ask the question,
best Oompa Loompa?
I moved on from Sex and the City.
This is a question about Oompa Loompas
who do not...
I'm pretty sure I saw both Sex and the City movies
and they do not appear.
But here's what I wrote. Sometimes I'll
make up stuff to see how it shakes out
in a pool. So I wrote down best
Oompa Loompa and then the options I gave
them. I just went with first
names. I don't know what their names really
are. But I went with best
Oompa Loompa. Is it Bill?
Is it George?
Felix? Or Bos Felix or Bosco
Bosco
Bosco
I don't know why
that makes me laugh
I'm so glad
I'm going first
because I definitely
know the answer
what do you think it is
I fucking know
I'm going with Bosco
you're going Bosco
yeah
there's no way It's not Bosco
Just because it makes me laugh
Not because you made me laugh
And it was last
And you're reading this dumb poll
And you're like
Fuck it
I'll just click on this last thing
Isn't this the weed guy
What am I answering here
What is happening
Why am I doing this
I love that they just answer though
That's the part that tickles me
I swear to god
I think I answered these two.
I think I hit...
I feel like I was like, oh, yeah, Bosco.
Yeah.
All right, Mark, what do you think of Bill, George, or Felix?
My only hope is that the people, your followers,
didn't get far enough down and see Bosco,
they landed on Felix.
They're like, that's the one.
You're going Felix?
I'm going Felix.
Okay.
David?
Bill. Bill. Said that like Felix? I'm going Felix. Okay. David? Bill.
Bill.
Said that like you're so happy about it.
Bill.
He studied Twitter algorithms for years.
Bill.
I've gotten so fucked this game.
Bill and the Miranda.
Yeah, tell me Samantha didn't nail a couple Oompa's in her time.
Okay, so, Daniela, you get George.
You get the George leftover.
And guess what?
He didn't get the least amount of votes, George.
That honor went to Bill.
Bill took down 3% of the vote.
But man, those are some scrappy people that voted for Bill.
Wait, can I ask?
Those three people.
They were all named fucking Bill.
Was it Felix?
What's that?
I'm going to finish telling you what the other ones came in at.
Tone.
But you're right.
You were right to ask, because I do have a tendency to forget and move on.
So Bill
got 3%. George got 7%.
And
Charlotte... Oh wait.
Charlotte.
Felix. No, I think writing
that small is helpful.
Felix got
15%.
So I know you're not a bunch of math wizards,
but that means that fucking Bosco
got 75% of the vote.
Thank you for engineering the lob
so I can leave with all points.
And I'm sorry, Susan.
I desperately seek a new contestant.
All right, Mark gets to go first in this next round.
Here we go.
All right.
The only question I asked was,
but it was sticking with Billy Wonka.
Billy Wonka.
All his friends call him that.
Sticking with Billy Wonka.
I just wrote, all I wrote was best death scene,
and then the options were Violet Beauregard,
Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, or Mike TV.
The four ill-fated children.
As a former kid who was a little heavy,
there's no better death, really in any movie ever,
than Augustus Gloop.
The poor fuck just got so excited.
He just sees a river of chocolate.
Who amongst us could resist just running over there, just shoving that into their mouth?
And he just sees a little top-heavy, this poor kid, and he just, boom, goes in there.
None of the other kids, they're all out for themselves.
The answer is a Gooses.
Okay, I'd like the other contestants
to please mind the clock.
That was personal for me, Doug.
Been wanting to say that for a long time.
David.
Name recognition alone, Veruca Salt.
You're going for Veruca Salt.
That's good.
Good band.
We're not allowed to pick the same ones?
No.
Okay, well, I'm going to go with the Blueberry Girl.
Oh, Violet Beauregard is the Blueberry Girl.
Yeah.
And for me, this is personal.
As a kid who grew up dressing like a cowboy,
I'm going to have to go with Mike TV.
We all would have gone to that river in Chicago.
You damn well know it.
Oh, I have no idea.
I can't relate to Augustus Gloop at all.
Nope.
Nothing to compare it to here.
Ha ha!
You got to say used to
in your sentence.
Formerly.
Well,
I mean, I did all these things these kids did.
I wanted things now.
I watched TV.
I liked gum.
And I do want my own big golden egg for Easter.
Or a chocolate river, I should say.
Augustus Gloop wins this one.
39% went Gloop.
Yeah. Followed by a good call
on Veruca Salt David that was worth
32%
and then
Violet Beauregard
garnered 20 points
20% of the vote
and Mike TV got shafted
I think it's because everybody
would like to just, you know, be
zapped into TV. His didn't look
terribly painful.
I mean, he was tiny, you know,
they'd have to stretch him in the end.
But 9%
for MikeTV.
So we got a really exciting
matchup here.
We just have two more games to play, right?
We got two games to play to determine who's going to go first in the third, fourth, and fifth games.
It's complicated, like reality television.
No, we are going to do...
I'd like to use my key pass now.
We're going to do one more round.
One more round, and then hopefully, I mean, if there's a tie, I'm going to use my key pass now we're going to do one more round one more round and then hopefully if there's a tie I'm going to be very angry
but I don't think there will be
it would be pretty wild
if there was a tie
defying math
the fourth question
that I asked
who gets to go first this time
David gets to go first
this is crucial David gets to go first. This is Crucial David.
Crucial David.
That was my nickname.
So Crucial.
Now are you going to say this one's for you, Cheryl, and bomb it
again?
Cheryl.
Oh no, don't point at her. That that's gotta be bad luck for somebody
okay
this one is for Josh
do the do
I ask the question
best
Willy Wonka
and then the options
are Gene Wilder
Johnny Depp,
Timothee Chalamet,
and Slash
from Guns N' Roses.
Oh, okay.
He's got the hat.
And you asked on Twitter.
I asked on Twitter.
Actually, this is a bit of a game.
This is one of those where I'm
going Gene Wilder, because it's obvious,
but watch, the Slash will end up being one of those where I'm going Gene Wilder because it's obvious, but watch.
The slash will end up being the winner.
But I'm going Gene Wilder.
Yeah, and Doug, since I'm going last,
you can go ahead and put me down for Johnny Depp.
No way.
Are you kidding?
On Twitter?
Those guys are going to fucking DM the poll to each other.
Bro, we got to come to Depp's.
Johnny needs us.
Amber shit the bed.
Women suck.
They always reject me.
Vote Johnny.
Best fucking one.
Don't take sides.
That's true.
This generation,
it's going to be
between Depp and Chalamet.
Yeah.
Me and Gene Wilder.
So now that you've heard
a lot of strategy
being thrown around
about what to pick,
what do you think,
Danielle?
It's not what I think.
It's what I assume
Gen Z Twitter thinks.
Oh, boy.
Playing that game.
It hasn't come out yet.
Chalamet.
Chalamet has not
come out yet.
It hasn't.
As far as I know,
he's straight.
Slash was never in it.
He's probably going
to be canceled
at some point
by the new generation
Did you already say yours?
I know, you're next
Oh sweet chocolate of mine
I'll go with Slash
You like Slash?
I love that
I'm going to go with Dick
Hang on a second
I thought we were trying to move things along
We were.
We were.
And I thought there was already kind of giving in.
We were, but everybody still deserves a dramatic finish.
And also, I've got to write all this shit down.
Who do you want to go with, John?
Do we hold long enough now?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, there's two options left for me to choose from
I'm going to go with Depp
Okay
Alright well
I got a lot to pick from here
I'm going to go Chalamet
Will Wonka eat the peach
You're going Chalamet
Because that's all that's left right
Yeah I'm also wondering if Willy Wonka Is a Samantha, a Charlotte, a Carrie, or a Miranda.
Oh, survey says?
He's a Carrie. He's got severe protagonist.
Nah, dude, he's a Samantha.
He's brutal to the people around him.
He's behind the scenes. He's probably a Charlotte, to be honest.
Converting to Judaism, you mean. him? He's behind the scenes. He's probably a Charlotte, to be honest.
Converting to Judaism, you
mean.
Couldn't think of
a Charlotte plot
point besides that
one.
That comes
across as
a total Miranda.
All right.
I think I have
the totals.
I hope so, man.
For last place, we have a tie.
Oh, boy.
So if anyone wants to stay for the loser's bracket,
we will be squaring off to see who the real loser is.
With 76 points each,
I'm afraid that our third and fourth place finishers
are Mark and Daniella.
Yeah.
Oh, for this.
I'm sorry, I thought you meant overall for the game.
I'm like, how did Daniella lose?
Just for this game, but this is the game you want to win.
Because it's the most important game of them all.
So Depp was at least second?
Well, check this out.
The movie's not good.
Check this out.
It looks like Michael Jackson.
Gene Wilder got 81%
of the vote.
Which is right and just.
And then, of course, the next person in line is Slash.
Got 14% of the vote.
And then Johnny Depp got 3%.
So don't show this to Johnny.
Did anybody vote for Timmy?
And then Timothee Chalamet got 2% of the vote.
Don't show this to Timmy.
Yeah.
Nor Johnny. And I show this to Timmy. Yeah. Nor Johnny.
And I added up everybody's scores,
and one of you has 135,
and another has 113,
and guess what?
The person with 135.
Dynasty typewriter, we're going long, baby.
We're going long.
It's going gonna take a minute
for me to say this name
we got one more break
lots of syllables
it's David S. Belchick
Cheryl
this one is for us
pulled it out
don't you take
those glasses off
they were our lucky
little talisman
this game I'm surprised Deb was so I'd like to dedicate my win to that round those glasses off. They were our lucky little talisman this week.
I'm surprised Deb was so...
I'd like to dedicate my win for that round
before you go on to the big Olympic stage
to one of my best friends,
Mr. Joe Bond, who came all the way from New York
to sit in the audience at the Dynasty
Typewriter. Happy birthday, Joe Bond!
Happy birthday, Joe.
Go, Joe.
It's weird that you didn't play for Joe.
Where is Cheryl?
Joe only wears one pair of glasses.
I was looking for six eyes of hope.
Cheryl, give me that fucking box.
Give it up for Cheryl, everybody.
Cheryl!
David, you got anything you want to plug
before we get going?
I do.
Thank you.
Do we have a minute?
I am so excited
to just looking at the future ahead
and thinking,
no, I,
anybody listening and anyone who's here,
yeah, if you get a chance,
stop by your local comic shop,
pick up Count Crowley,
Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter.
We are in publication now.
We've got special one-shots coming out at Halloween,
but right now the monthly series is in your local comic shop from Dark Horse Comics.
I'm very proud of it, and I hope you'll give it a shot.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hopefully we'll see you back here soon,
but let's say goodbye to all of the other players.
Let's say goodbye to them.
Not forever, just for now.
John Gabrus, 101 places to party before you die.
Yeah, it's all there, right in the title.
Thursdays at 10.30 on
TruTV, formerly
Car Chase TV.
Check it out.
We have five episodes out already, so
if you have your parents log in or
your
roommate is 70, you can
check it out.
Or we have three more episodes
to come,
so please,
I don't want to do
any other job ever again.
Yeah,
all right.
Let's help
little Johnny
with his dream.
Just going around
partying.
He just wants to eat
short rib in Miami.
Party,
that's all.
He's just here to party
for our enjoyment.
Daniela Pineda!
You did it!
So I didn't win.
No, but you did great.
I thought for sure.
You were killing it.
A lot of the people that come on this show,
they walk away with all those
little minor victories.
Because everybody can't win, but everybody is irked because everybody can't win,
but everybody is irked
that they can't win.
Welcome to Hollywood, David.
As the only woman on stage, technically you really did
win the game, but
I'm going to go ahead and claim the prize.
Thank you very much.
We've done the research.
You won fair and square, David.
Don't do that to yourself.
Oh, everyone's plugging something
so I want to plug something
tonight
9 8 central
on AMC
is the beginning
of the anthology
Tales of the Walking Dead
which I have my own episode
and it's a lot of fun
I was just watching
cool
yeah
it's like a
anthology version
of Walking Dead
so it's like
new characters each time
it's like Creepshow
or Tales of the Crypt
different sitchies
yeah that's fun.
Do you know when in the order you are?
Because it's going to roll out weekly, right?
It is.
I'm in the last one.
What?
Yeah.
If you watch it on AMC+, it comes out the 11th of September.
Notice how I didn't say September 11th.
Well done.
You didn't.
And on AMC regular TV, it comes out the 18th.
Oh, shit.
Never forget September 18th.
Regular.
Regular TV.
Just in time for they'll push it hard during the very final last Better Call Saul.
So that's exciting.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Mark.
Mark Ellis.
Thank you for remembering my name once again, Doug.
Speaking of The Walking Dead, I'll be in Las Vegas for a whole week,
September 5th through the 11th of September.
I'll be at Brad Garrett's Comedy Club telling jokes at the MGM Grand,
and you can find me online at Mark Ellis Live.
Woo!
Yay!
Thank you, everybody.
I can't believe your run has come to an end,
but it's the perfect place to do it
because you like a live competition.
We made it here, Doug.
Yeah, you made it all the way to here.
Jamocha shakes on me.
I'm proud of you.
People would be bummed if they knew
John Hamm was going to be in your seat today,
but I said, no, Mark Ellis
is unstoppable. And so, how can I stop him?
Yeah. I walked in. I was like, not today, Ham. Ham, I got this Pee Wee's Playhouse thing. Why
don't you sit down and watch how it's done? I'm sorry, Ham. How many times have you done
standup in Virginia? That's what I thought. Ham, why don't you bake it backstage? John, just go to an Arby's and get a U sandwich.
All right, so I...
He's got the meats.
I'm going to be back here next month, like I said earlier,
but we're switching to Saturday.
Saturday, September 17th at 420
thanks again everybody
thank you Dynasty Typewriter
for letting us go long
not shutting off the power
and thank you to John Gabrus
Daniela Pineda
David Desmalchian
and Mark Ellis
as always David Desmalchian and Mark Ellis.
As always, well, sure, we're friends, aren't we?
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talking.
Isaac Bolt is doing prowess makes it. There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.