Doug Loves Movies - David Dastmalchian, Mark Ellis, Jon Gabrus and Daniella Pineda guest

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

Live from Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, Doug welcomes David Dastmalchian, Mark Ellis, Jon Gabrus and Daniella Pineda to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on S...titcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Good morning, Leonard! Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby stiffy seeds With 50 azepam or kernels in his teeth They're still not warm, then he won't sleep Because Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies.
Starting point is 00:00:35 That was pretty good. I got my prize cooler. All the prizes are in a cooler that the winner gets to keep. It's summer, am I right? All the prizes are in a cooler that the winner gets to keep. It's summer, am I right? Who doesn't need a nice styrofoam cooler that barely holds more than a six-pack? It's perfect for this time of year. Because also, I've been noticing the back-to-school commercials are already happening.
Starting point is 00:01:04 And that's been the greatest joy of my adult life, is always just being able to shrug when the back-to-school commercials come on. Like, ugh, I used to dread those so much. It used to make me so sad. We're coming to you once again from our new monthly, monthly show spot, Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, California!
Starting point is 00:01:24 Yeah! It's Sunday, August 14th, 2022, and we're shifting to Saturdays next month. I don't know if that works for everybody or not, but I tried to run it by some people, but I tried to run it by some people and people seem to think Saturdays in the fall in the winter are a good time for this because they're probably more interested in the NFL and they are in college ball right so come see us instead of watching your favorite college which you graduated from a long time ago and you have nothing to do with it anymore. Just freaking relax. We'll be right back here. Same bat place, same bat time on Sunday. Sunday? Shut up, Doug. You just did a speech about Saturdays. You already
Starting point is 00:02:21 fucked it up. Never was going to show up the next day Sunday, September 17th, I'll talk about it again soon and often Doug plugs I'm doing stand-up at the Improv in Irvine, California on Wednesday, August 24th I say bring a name tag
Starting point is 00:02:40 and force me to play a game from Doug's movies because that's how it works. If nobody brings one, we don't do it. All of my dates and deets are located and can be found. Never said it that way before. You can locate information
Starting point is 00:02:55 about me at DougLovesMovies.com That's DougLovesMovies.com Yeah! Ha ha! Ha ha! Roll it! Stublo'sMovies.com Yeah! Caw-caw! Wallet!
Starting point is 00:03:12 You're not angry enough on the wallet. The wallet has just become Wallet! Hey, wallet! And you know, I'm starting off with Martin Sheen in an elevator going, wallet! Wallet! Like sweat comes out of the word as he's saying it it's so it's so intense hey would everybody like to see what's in the prize cooler all right real quick you know i've been
Starting point is 00:03:36 streamlining the prize situation and just bringing some awesome things that i can show everybody real quick. Who doesn't like a Toblerone? Who doesn't like that shit? I mean, besides me. And then some Bombas socks. Everybody loves a Bombas sock. And then I've got, I'm not going to pull it out, but it's a lithium-powered ear and nose trimmer. Right?
Starting point is 00:04:06 From Con Air. Not the movie. The company that makes stuff. And then this is fun. Does anybody like Funko Pop figurines from Game of Thrones? Yeah, because this is Drogon. Some sort of dragon from Game of Thrones I'm unfamiliar
Starting point is 00:04:29 and then here's something I'm very familiar with I have a few of my own this is Pax 3 delightful device that if I'm not mistaken you can smoke whatever you want out of it put anything in it and you can smoke whatever you want out of it. Put anything in it, you can
Starting point is 00:04:47 smoke it. You can become a goat of smoking. Because goats will smoke anything, right? Are you ready to get our guests out here and give away these prizes to one lucky audience member? here give away these prizes to one lucky audience member? All right, let's do it. Four chairs, as you can see. And I'm in a little bit of suspense if they can even hear me saying this. You might be deep, deep, deep backstage, but we'll find out as soon as I do it. Am I right?
Starting point is 00:05:27 Give it up everybody for David Dasmalchen, Mark Ellis, John Gabrus and Daniela Pineda! Look at them all. Different pants on everybody. Everybody's going for a different look, but it all says summer. Some of it says pirate. Let's meet everybody. Let's meet everybody individually and alphabetically.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Yeah. When someone asks me, I'll say they're trying to figure out who's getting called out first. I was doing the math because I've been called first in the last three shows, and I was like, it's E. It's got to be E. And then I looked at Dave, and I was like, God damn it. You got double D next to you, so you're going to have to sit and wait. Lost the first game. Yeah, you're going to have to sit and wait. Lost the first game.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Yeah, you're going to have to zip it, because when someone asks me my favorite pattern, I say polka dot, man. It's David Dost Malchen! I was gondoliering today, and I decided to come over and do some movie trivia with you guys. All right, for the listeners, he's the one I called a pirate. But it turns out he's a part-time gondolier, so boy, do I look stupid.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Boy, do I feel dumb for making that remark. A man's got to make a living. Nautical trivia show, you would be the loser. What's up, David? What are you doing? I am really excited to be here. I haven't seen you since I was filming The Polka Dot Man, I believe. It was the last time we saw each other in the flesh. We saw each other online a couple times.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Life's great. I don't know. I just got back from Australia. I was feeding kangaroos and making movies. And got some time to be in Los Angeles where I'm just listening to you and taking naps and catching up on sleeping and swimming. Catching up on swimming? Yeah. You're behind. I took it. He was in Australia, so he was in an Australian suit. He's doing it
Starting point is 00:07:46 upside down. He has to do some right side up swimming. Meters don't count. It's got to be yards. It's true. Every slide I thought I was getting into the pool went the wrong way. Jump on a diving board. He gets right into the OCD bend. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:08:01 And you have another any, are you going off to do something exciting soon? You know, I write a comic book called Count Crowley, Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter, and we are,
Starting point is 00:08:12 I'm in the exciting time of like promoting that, and we've got some new issues that are going to be hitting the shelves soon. I'm very excited about that, but I just finished a movie, actually,
Starting point is 00:08:22 that I think you will really dig, that is set in 1977. I'm the host of a late night talk show and the whole film takes place over the course of one broadcast and my character loses it completely live on, on air. So he is, he is second place to Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson has eclipsed him in every way, and he has got one night to save his show, and he throws everything he can at the wall, including his own mind. He goes nuts.
Starting point is 00:08:54 It was actually quite fun to shoot. Talk shows were super long back then. It was probably a 90-minute talk show. It's a 90-minute movie. So you got a 90-minute movie. The movie opens with, and we had a live band. I had a hype band I had like a a hype man
Starting point is 00:09:06 I had my own like sidekick guy Gus who would like and guess and the set was amazing it's 1977 so the costumes
Starting point is 00:09:14 and the and the it was just when does this come out yeah this sounds amazing yeah I'm very excited I truly
Starting point is 00:09:21 I'm like oh a talk show host loses his mind good question great question do you play the talk show host when you bring the exotic animals on?
Starting point is 00:09:27 I play, I play Jack Delroy and yeah, welcome to Night Owls. Night Owls, it's great to have you here. Yeah, it was so fun
Starting point is 00:09:36 and I just, for research, would just sit around watching old YouTube episodes of shows from the 70s. Carson and Dick Cavett and Don Lane and all these guys
Starting point is 00:09:43 and the character believes, like I said, like he's just, this is it. He's gonna get canceled tomorrow. So he's like, this is my last shot. And he's already
Starting point is 00:09:53 not quite doing great. And then things go badly. And it's fun to watch. I hope. I hope it's fun to watch. It was fun to make. Did you watch the one week that Chevy Chase
Starting point is 00:10:04 had a talk show? That was a three episode? It probably has the same energy. But my show, my host, is actually nice to people. And the guests aren't there under duress. It's more like a Pat Sajak show vibe.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Sajak had a show for three weeks. He did, yes. Oh, no, his lasted a little longer than that but yeah and it was I think his was 90 minutes too
Starting point is 00:10:28 they were monsters man they really wanted you to go to sleep during the show yeah don't dare we dare you to stay awake
Starting point is 00:10:35 through this whole thing everybody that I'm sharing the stage with who does something that I don't do which is make people laugh on a regular basis and be able to talk
Starting point is 00:10:44 with like that was the scariest part of the whole movie for me. And we fortunately, we shot almost everything in sequence except the opening. The opening was five pages of me delivering this monologue to the audience, which actually gets serious for a minute
Starting point is 00:10:57 and then it's all jokes. And they had a live studio audience, like 200 amazing looking background actors from dress like 1977. Oh, it was so scary. It was so hard. that was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time is that I've played crazy people I've had to die kill people do all kinds of shoot polka dots out of my mouth that was that I was backstage that's the human brain is that it doesn't matter that you can't convince yourself, oh, all these people are being paid to be here isn't enough.
Starting point is 00:11:31 No. It's still an audience. Tell them when my jokes weren't landing. They're even kind of scarier because it's like, oh, if they're not laughing when they're being paid to laugh, then I really suck. And even if they are laughing, you're like, well, they're just doing that because they're getting paid. Yeah, yeah. I still suck.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Yeah. It's brutal. And you know what's really cool? No spoilers, but as I said, the character starts to disassociate from reality, starts to lose his mind. He starts to not know what's actually really happening. And there was these sequences that we would shoot where then all those 200 people
Starting point is 00:11:56 are stoically not laughing at all. And I'm like delivering the lines and they're just like this. Or when I actually do go completely crazy and bonkers and they were like just horrifyingly laughing. No spoilers. No spoilers. Oh, and then when my head separates.
Starting point is 00:12:15 You can edit that out. Anyway, that was. I just want to tell jokes in 1977. Like imagine you had to tell Star Wars jokes to a fresh crowd. You see the Star Vader? Where half the crowd is like, haven't seen it yet.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Lines are too long. Fuck that nerd movie. Who's the Mandalorian? There's only one Yoda, asshole. Speaking of assholes, our next guest... Who knows that Yoda wasn't around until 1980. Has climbed over countless assholes, our next guest... Who knows that Yoda wasn't around until 1980.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Has climbed over countless assholes to be here today. Because this is your fifth appearance in a row? It's something like that. Let's hear it for Mark Ellis, everybody! Thank you. Good to be here, Doug. Nothing new in my life. I don't make a big deal to my guests about how if you win, you can come back on the next episode,
Starting point is 00:13:09 because there's really no reason to put that pressure on there, both to win and also, you know, you might not want to come back. I don't know. But whoever does win today is given the opportunity to come back either next week or at your earliest convenience. Oh, it's convenient. And Mark seems to always be available, and he keeps winning. It's really been quite a hot streak.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Have you sized up your competition today? No, we were chatting in the green room, and I was just listening to all the wonderful projects that these fine performers have been on. And I was like, well, I was just doing stand-up in Virginia. And let me tell you, they have Waffle House in Australia? Probably not. I got stories. Frank Capra. I'm sorry, what?
Starting point is 00:14:00 I'm going to wait. Chunk smothered and covered, baby. It's been a good run, Doug. Thank you for having me back. I did fly back this morning from Virginia where I was telling jokes. Then I also got to see my family, who's from there. And a little bit later on in the show, possibly, I got to put on a – my sister and I decided we put on a very special movie to show my 8-year-old nephew
Starting point is 00:14:21 and all of his friends came over. And it was a legendary time. It was a generational passing of the torch kind of film if you will so Texas Chainsaw Massacre we didn't get that intense yet but when I was eight my aunt took me to see Pet Sematary oh yeah good stuff I might Achilles heel just hurts thinking about that movie I'm just thinking about my spine and whether it's gonna be twisted by a certain evil sister. There's a shot in that where the toddler backs up and he does a full
Starting point is 00:14:50 like a head, feet over head shot. And I was like, how did they get that shot? It looks super real. He broke his neck. They just probably just pushed him over and hoped for the best. Back in the day, they had like a dozen toddlers just off camera.
Starting point is 00:15:05 It's like, lost another one, it's like, toss them in. They're in a big barrel being carried around the set. Toddlers were like dog actors back in the day. Like you ever see a movie and you're so disappointed. It always pisses me off when I see a dog movie. You see like a Beethoven or an Air Bud and they're like, and it has Air Bud. And it's like nine different golden retrievers. You're like, really?
Starting point is 00:15:23 Yeah, little did not everyone know this? Dogs are only allowed to work three days on a movie. Then they have to be euthanized. That's the least fun fact I've ever heard. It's like Milo and Otis.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Oh, God. They left a fucking wake of carnage behind them. I mean, that movie was a sad box of kittens. Oh, yeah. Homeward bound. Only the last dog
Starting point is 00:15:48 made it home. Fortunately, the actors in that one were all voiceover, so they were safe. Thank goodness. They're still getting the checks.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Thank goodness we saved Michael J. Fox and Sally Field and the other one. Oh, Don Amici. Don Amici was the other one? I think so. The old one?
Starting point is 00:16:08 Was there an older dog? Probably, but I love Don Amici showing up, showing the young kids how to do it. What's your name, Mike Fox?
Starting point is 00:16:15 You're not going to make it in this town. He got his fucking sweet-ass career boost out of the Cocoon movies. Yes. Right? Like, he became a,
Starting point is 00:16:24 you know, oh, I guess also the Trading Places. Yes. Right? Like he became a, you know, oh, I guess also the Trading Places too. Trading Places. Brimley got the big boost out of that too. Yeah. Brimley was like my age
Starting point is 00:16:32 when he did Cocoon. That's so depressing. Brimley's one of those guys, there's a few, there's quite a few of them now and some ladies who just like, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:40 when they hit 50 they started playing 70 year olds and never looked back. Those people who look old, young, you're like, oh, that's rough when you're 38, but then it's killer when you're like 50 through 70.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Abe Vigoda hit the fucking jackpot. Right. The rest of us are going to age like dog years at that point. Steve Martin is like, how great can a guy get? Eventually you're like, yeah, how know, like you said, how gray can a guy get? Eventually you're like, yeah, how old is he?
Starting point is 00:17:06 You have no idea. The father of the bride is like 25 years old. He still has a white head of hair. It's like crazy. Yeah, he really, that was smart to get that white hair
Starting point is 00:17:14 like right away. Oh, yo, you know, Tommy Lee Jones has one of those faces where he's always kind of looked middle-aged. I was watching an episode of the 1970s hit show
Starting point is 00:17:22 Charlie's Angels. Don't ask why. It was on. And Tommy Lee Jones, a young Tommy Lee Jones, he's always had that face. He was young. He couldn't have been more than like 23 or 24. Coal Miner's daughter, he looked 45. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:36 It was so cool. Was he like Al Gore's roommate or something crazy like that? Yes, yes. You're right. My brain is broken. But do you ever look at people who are in their mid-30s like in the 70s
Starting point is 00:17:47 and they look like they're in their 60s? They're like, that person was 21 and they look 47. It's weird. It's amazing. You ever see what people
Starting point is 00:17:54 ate for breakfast 100 years ago? They ate like nine pounds of like flapjacks and like just like random meats from the farm and you wonder
Starting point is 00:18:03 why they looked like that. You know? But they had to because they had to work a 14-hour physical meats from the farm and you wonder why they looked like that. But they had to because they had to work a 14 hour physical shift on the farm which also ages the shit out of you. Yeah, I do 45 minutes of stand up and I'm like, I don't know if I can do the late show. Jesus. We're lazy as a people, Doug.
Starting point is 00:18:21 I get it. I get it. And Tom Cruise is 30 years older than anybody in Cocoon. What? That's a fact. Don't check the math, just nod. I'll just go with it. Yeah, the internet ruined everything.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Ava Gota looked like that when he was 18. Don't Google it, just believe it. If Tom Cruise was in Cocoon, he'd really go back to space. Like, he'd really go. He'd be like, where's Tom? Oh, he went to space. That's how the movie ended.
Starting point is 00:18:52 He didn't want to fix it. He said, we're going to do a light and post. He said, no. I'm going with the aliens. You're like, okay, dude, whatever the fuck.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Say hi to Xenu for us. That's why I need him in a Star Wars movie because he's going to find a way to actually fly a goddamn X-W into another galaxy uh for this movie uh tom cruise injected himself with midichlorians and learned the force seriously what the fuck is tom cruise gonna after flying the jets himself you know he's going to space yeah he wants to go to space right it's a space movie doug lyman's going to produce it and elon musk is uh sorry doug lyman's going to space. Yeah, he wants to go to space. It's a space movie? Doug Liman's going to produce it,
Starting point is 00:19:25 and Elon Musk is, sorry, Doug Liman's going to direct it, Elon Musk is going to produce it. Oh, okay. Oh, cool. I lost interest in it in one sentence. I was like, I fucking love Tom Cruise. Oh, the next two kind of took me out of it.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Tom Cruise probably likes the premise because there's no love scenes in space. He really likes these movies where he's the only person in an ecosystem. But can you run in space? Ooh. In space. Right, because he also has to run.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Yeah, he's going to have to do the 2001 big hamster wheel thing. He'll be in a big spaceship that he has to run one end to the other. He'll have to get around on that thing. Or it'll be like one of those big circle things like in 2001 A Space Odyssey where they do their jogging, but Tom Cruise will be doing it really fast.
Starting point is 00:20:17 That's a good reference. Guys, I don't smoke pot, but I feel really stoned right now. I haven't smoked pot in 22 years. I feel stoned right now just listening to this conversation. Do you know what his space movie's called? What is it called? Far and Away 2.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Further and Away-er. Further and Away-er, yes. Further and Dumber. Further and Dumber further and dumber we still haven't introduced everybody he's been talking anyway give it up
Starting point is 00:20:52 that's pretty much a blanket statement about me this man is here today because this is one of the 101 best places to party before you die right here at Dynasty Time Riders, John Gabers, everybody! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Thank you, Doug. How's it going, man? It's going good. It's nice to be here doing live comedy. I feel like I'm only back a couple of weeks doing it. Yeah, all right, someone's excited. Or they got stabbed. Oh!
Starting point is 00:21:28 Or they saw a werewolf of London. Just a werewolf. His hair was perfect! Perfect! He was a traitor of X. So tell us about your big show with our pal Adam Pally.
Starting point is 00:21:47 It's a travel show that we try to make funny. And I think we succeed at it, but eventually it's up to you guys in the long run. But we travel around the country and see if 40-year-old dudes can still party and get after it. So it's a lot of fun. And he's married with three know, and he's like married with three kids and I'm married so we FaceTime our wife.
Starting point is 00:22:07 It's like a realistic depiction of what it's like for us two narcissistic aging party animals to travel together. So like tailgating but spread out. Yeah, it's sort of like
Starting point is 00:22:19 we have a two-person bachelor party every weekend which is kind of rad with like dumb activities set up by someone who you don't really know aka our segment producers any
Starting point is 00:22:30 do the dumb activities are they ever like risky like physically risky yeah we had to do we repelled a waterfall in Maui and
Starting point is 00:22:40 that's in the finale which I think is two weeks away at this point and we had to do it last in case he didn't survive. Well, if you watch it, you guys may not like it. Can you imagine how funny this show would be if we all knew going into it they died at the end?
Starting point is 00:22:55 We should definitely change the title before we start airing to Eight Places to Party Before You Die. So that at least we fucking succeed in our cult Babe Ruth shot that we're going for here. It's kind of nuts to call it that, because if we do do 93 more episodes, I probably will die. Don't say that. I know Gary, don't say that. Although what do I want, 93 more work? Yeah, that sounds fucking great.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Die rich, die TruTV rich, AKA still renting my fucking great. Die rich. Die True TV rich, a.k.a. still renting my fucking apartment. True TV, Thursday nights at 10.30. If you don't have it, go to a hospital. It's playing in the waiting room. I love when I say that. Nobody would say turn that off like they would certain news channels.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Right. You know, like, oh, okay, I can watch this. I love the Jokers. I love these two bums. Yeah, those guys are on all the time and then you two slip in. But you don't trick anybody.
Starting point is 00:24:00 You just go out and have a good time. Yeah, we're not tricking. The only people we're fooling is TruTV, the the network in that we're getting them to pay for us to get fucked up all the time and like a lot of travel a lot of travel it was actually really hard like yeah it's really fun yeah it's the best job i've ever had but there is a time on week three when it's like this place is known for its biscuits and gravy and Merlot milkshakes and it's like
Starting point is 00:24:27 okay let's go your feet are like rock hard crystals you know you have like bloodshot eyes you're jaundiced you're having a nurse
Starting point is 00:24:36 inject you with like B12 and taking IVs I treat myself like a fucking Super Bowl athlete eventually I was like
Starting point is 00:24:44 I need to get I need to get a massage in a sauna or else I won't be able to get fucked up again. Bring me an omelet and some oxygen. This is like Motley Crue in the 80s. In between shows, you're getting blood transfusions. I'm dipping my dick in a burrito to get the scent off. I never read The Dirt, but it was my wife's favorite book when I met her. Which is horrifying in a way.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Did you guys see Tommy Lee's newly released nudie nude photo? He's back. Yeah. He posted on Twitter the very well-endowed Tommy Lee. Yeah. Remember this? Was he thinking
Starting point is 00:25:23 we thought it might have gotten chopped off or something? Or, you know, like, is there anything new to report? Well, it's weird that his penis is now easier to look at than his face. Like, it's kind of reversed. It's hard not to look at his penis. Like, the penis is less droopy at this point. It's still... But, man, that guy can drum the shit out of a kid.
Starting point is 00:25:44 That's good. Yeah, shit out of a kid. That's good, yeah, I end with a compliment. Well, I'm gonna go see him next time. After attacking his face and his junk. Pretty good drummer, though. What a fucking asshole, sure could beat those drums. He's turning into Brian Regan over here. You get the spinning thing? He sure could beat those drums
Starting point is 00:26:04 when he beat those drums that one time. Also joining us this afternoon, her first time on the show, so apologies for taking so long to get to you, is Daniela Pineda, everybody! Do you, like like have dinosaur nightmares? Do they creep into your real world? No, I don't have dinosaur nightmares.
Starting point is 00:26:38 I have like a 16 hour day green screen. What day is it nightmares? Right, yeah. The nightmares are still, I can't remember what to say to the dinosaur. Yeah, I just had a little indie film called
Starting point is 00:26:54 Jurassic World 2. No, 3! Fuck! It just came out in theaters. Right, but the second two are the only ones that count, right? Yeah. Until you joined the franchise, I was out! I'm going to say something kind of controversial within the dinosaur world, but
Starting point is 00:27:09 actually, even though I'm in second, the second one and the third one, the first one of the new installment is actually my favorite. Interesting. Self-loathing. Yeah. That I understand.
Starting point is 00:27:25 I can connect over that. I remember watching Jurassic World and being like, I don't know if I would want to go to the original Jurassic Park because that's kind of
Starting point is 00:27:31 like the only thing there is to do there. But seeing Jurassic World and like, there's like a Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. I'm like,
Starting point is 00:27:38 there's probably a comedy club. There's probably like a chuckle hut at Jurassic World. Oh yeah. There's like a John Lovitz comedy club in the Jurassic World set, wasn't there? I thought they would. They walk past a set and it's...
Starting point is 00:27:51 That'd be awesome. A raptor cramps Lovitz. Acting! As it like drags away. The effects in those movies are pretty good. Yeah. Not as good as the dinosaur show in Mrs. Doubtfire but they're good
Starting point is 00:28:08 I don't even remember that remember that's how he like redeems himself he's like playing with the dinosaur toys on kids TV oh yeah that's right that's right
Starting point is 00:28:15 the stuffed animals I'm saying that like that's deep knowledge I happened to just watch that movie again last time it's like so specific that was random
Starting point is 00:28:23 well congratulations that was a lot of fun. Yeah, thank you. It's been a whirlwind. And now they say they're not going to make another one, which means they will be. Yeah, it's like the McRib or the Mexican pizza or the Choco Taco.
Starting point is 00:28:36 It's like, we're taking it away unless you're willing to beg for it, you fucking pigs. And we're all like, please, give us more Avengers, more Avengers. And they're like, fine. You can have a drop of Avengers, you little squirmy pigs. And we're all like, please, give us more Avengers! More Avengers! And they're like, fine, you can have a drop of Avengers,
Starting point is 00:28:48 you little squirmy pig. Sorry. I'm really pissed about the Mexican pizza. I know it's all marketing, but it still angers me. Shamrock shake, fucking serve it every day.
Starting point is 00:28:59 It's green dye. I think sports should do that too. It's more than just green dye. How dare you joking me? It's delicious. I go out of my way every year to get a shamrock shake, and I don't care. You shouldn't have to go out of your way.
Starting point is 00:29:14 It should be available weekly. It's such a satisfying, and you're right about that. God damn, I love the shamrock shake from McDonald's. Sorry. Where are you at with the jamocha shake at Arby's? Oh, yeah, solid. I'm about to try it tonight. I guess we're going to find out.
Starting point is 00:29:32 What's it called, the jamocha? Jamocha. Are we still allowed to smoke that? I don't think so. I don't think so, Mom. I'll have the J-word shake. Sir, you need to to That sounds more offensive It's worse
Starting point is 00:29:49 The J word shake Anybody goes in there with dreadlocks And asks for it Everybody thinks they're being pranked It's a true TV special Yeah I think that It's had a name for a long time.
Starting point is 00:30:05 I mean, because honestly, I've mentioned there's some people that are mad about the name Shamrock Shake. It's probably offensive to some people. I think if it's Irish or Italian, I've seen that meme. If it's Italian, it's not racist. I don't think they're too upset. You just see someone do an Italian impression of no one's like, hey. Yeah, nobody's there, right? That seems to be a pass for everybody.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Why are you doing that outrageous Italian voice? I don't know, I just do it. I can't help but myself. Meatballs are our culture, okay? You can appropriate away, motherfucker. Anyone upset about a shamrock shake isn't going to say it because they're too busy
Starting point is 00:30:40 guarding their gold. I wasn't uncomfortable with my kid's fascination with Mario until he started doing his Mario impression in an Italian restaurant. And then I realized that was not good. He's just sitting there like, wahoo! He's doing the music. You should take him to Bucco di Beppo I think they encourage it there
Starting point is 00:31:08 Or Olive Garden We're all a family You're allowed to do red, white, and green face there Who wants a bread, a stick Alright We've met everybody They're all delightful. Bless you, person who sneezed in the audience.
Starting point is 00:31:29 And let's go to Recommendation Nation. Yeah. Yeah. That's where I ask each of my guests. Mark's been through this countless times now. I got more shit. I, well, but wait. Remember the last episode, that curveball I threw?
Starting point is 00:31:46 Yes. What was it? It was like a Wesley Snipes movie? Yeah. Yeah. New curveball today, buddy. Oh, no. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:53 I'm going to ask you each to recommend one movie from a great actress who's celebrating a birthday today who goes by the name Halle Berry. Mmm. Ooh. Love it. Yeah, Mark? Yeah. You knew this was coming.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Well, I knew a curveball was coming. Yeah. I was prepared to hit it. They didn't even know about the curveball. I didn't, I mean, I didn't. You knew about the ball.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Ostensibly, the three of us had no idea what the pitch was. So to us, you know, this is just raw. I would say I suspect.
Starting point is 00:32:22 We're swinging on it anyway. This is a bummer for Mark. Yeah, you're watching this guy melt down over here. Look, I'm pissed because Halle Berry is not in Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which is the movie I showed my nephew for the first time. Ah, okay.
Starting point is 00:32:34 That was the rite of passage. See? Oh, God. The audience was on the edge of their seat. Now, did Large Marge scare them? They scared the piss out of them. That is just so different than the rest of the movie i cannot get that image and the kids knew something weird was about to happen
Starting point is 00:32:50 because it was me and my sister then yeah you're all like my sister and i get up and we're turning away from the tv to watch the kids reacting like what the fuck what are you getting ready for yeah why are you watching us that? That scene has such an impact on kids' minds. It had on all of ours. My son, I showed him Pee-wee's
Starting point is 00:33:09 not too long ago and we were going to an art book at one point and he saw Edward Monk's The Scream and he goes,
Starting point is 00:33:15 Large Marge! Wow! All right, well, you should show him The Scream movie and send him straight but,
Starting point is 00:33:23 yeah, it's, Large Marge was a jump scare in a movie that shouldn't have a jump scare. No. That's why it was so effective. It's also like how the scary parts of Willy Wonka are so effective. It's like, why are there fucking scary parts? Did they just kill a chicken? They sure did. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, Pee-wee's Big Adventure also has the clown. The clown is scarier than Large Marge, actually. Yeah, it's wild.
Starting point is 00:33:45 Yeah, Pee-wee's Big Adventure also has the clown. The clown is scarier than Large Marge, actually. The nightmare of the clown.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Yeah, the clown is just there. But anyway, Halle Berry is not in Pee-wee's Big Adventure. Final answer. Yeah, I mean, it would be better if
Starting point is 00:33:58 she was. Yeah. Yeah, but. She's always welcome in any movie. He's not, Mark still has to recommend a Halle Berry movie. I'm not going to let him off.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Oh, okay, no. I'll recommend one of Halle Berry's first performances on the big screen, starring one of my favorite comedians and actors of all time, Boomerang. Oh, yeah. All right, swing and a miss with the crowd, but I'd say hit that curveball out of the stadium. I think a bunch of 20-year-olds are like, okay. Ghosties Boomerang.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Seminal movie of the 90s. Please don't say seminal. It's a good movie of the 90s. There is this seminal film that I feel really, to me, I know she didn't do a ton of comedy, but I loved monsters ball you really got it so that one day maybe a little bit too dark for everybody but yes you're right about the comedy thing now I'm trying to think of
Starting point is 00:35:03 a comedy that's got Halle Berry in it. Boomerang! That movie 43, I guess. She's in the sequence in that. That's what got her out of the comedy game. All right, so what's your answer? Monster's Ball. You're going Monster's Ball?
Starting point is 00:35:17 Yeah. Okay. I didn't know if that was a joke answer. It was such a good joke. Yeah, solid joke. Thank you. And you have to write it down? He's just holding
Starting point is 00:35:28 that against me. I'm not going to remember. What did he say? Did he say Monster Zeke? They break into Kevin Spacey's apartment in 7 and there's writings. That's what Doug is working on right now. People love to comment on how... I'm sorry, I didn't pick Gothica.
Starting point is 00:35:44 But you know what you gotta appreciate anyone that can get their whole manifesto on one fair I use both sides but it's all on there
Starting point is 00:35:51 as long as Doug brought the right manifesto right that's the most important thing is that it's here and we're all safe and
Starting point is 00:35:58 monsters ball yeah John Wick good recommendation John Wick 4 John Wick. John Wick 4. John Wick 4? Is it 4? 3.
Starting point is 00:36:07 3. She might be in 4. I hope she's in 4, and I hope she brings her dogs. Also, I got to train at 8711, which is the stunt gym where the John Wick stunt team trains. She was there. And I got to see her work out, and she looks like... This is weird. She doesn't age, and she looks beautiful.
Starting point is 00:36:29 I mean, Chalker, Holly Berry looks really good, but I saw her recently. She still looks really good. I believe that. You're like Roy Scheider in Jaws. You're like, I know what a shark looks like because I saw one up close. Some people you see some people like on camera
Starting point is 00:36:45 and they look really nice but then maybe you see them in person and you're like and you don't recognize them
Starting point is 00:36:48 isn't that crazy when you see someone and you're like this person has familiar energy and then you're like oh now I know who you are
Starting point is 00:36:55 but it was like there's no mistaking it's like how do you just nothing no just she looked like in her mid 30s it was unfair
Starting point is 00:37:02 I really like that you know she directed a movie about her being a UFC fighter. She was training for that. Yeah, and I think she pulled it off. The movie didn't get as much attention as it deserves, I don't think. Yeah, yeah. What are you looking it up, David? He's adding it to his letterbox.
Starting point is 00:37:22 What was it called? Was it like Broken or something? It was called Unbroken. Was it Broken? Was it like Broken or something? Broken. Was it Broken? I think so. It's not Unbroken. That's the Angelina Jolie directed movie.
Starting point is 00:37:30 But yeah, the word break is in it. Yeah. Some tense. The generic aspect of titles is getting a little frustrating to me.
Starting point is 00:37:39 Yeah, and they're becoming like weird long phrases and shit. Right, yeah, like sentences that like when you're trying to remember it later
Starting point is 00:37:44 you're like, was that movie called I'm Thinking of Ending Things? Bruised. Damn it. Bruised. Broken was so close. Bruised.
Starting point is 00:37:53 But I'm sorry, Mark, you lose. You have to go home. Nice try. You really had a nice run. In Mark's case, he gets to go home. Finally.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Five weeks made him fly back from Virginia early to do it again he's got a show in Virginia tonight I was flying back he's gonna they still put me up in
Starting point is 00:38:13 alright so where are we at Gabrus yes I was a child in the 90s so swordfish.
Starting point is 00:38:26 Yep, yep. That's fair. Sorry. Sorry to say. What drew you to that movie? If you could pick one or two reasons. I mean, in hindsight, the misogynoir of Hollywood is pretty fucking wild because I knew as a child that a woman was, what her per breast rate was.
Starting point is 00:38:47 I remember that was the big news story. She got a million a tit or something like that. I think it was 250K. 250K a boob per boob, but she got half a mil overall to be topless in that movie.
Starting point is 00:38:56 And then I went, you heard about it, then you go to the movie and the context in which she's topless is two, she's just tanning and moves the thing and she's topless
Starting point is 00:39:06 and then puts the thing back on. And I was like, oh, this is uncomfortable. This feels like, it wasn't sexy, it was just like, it's like, yeah, here you go, 500 grand, let's go. It's a simple shot. I think she's reading a book. Yeah, oh yeah, she's reading a book. That's what she was reading.
Starting point is 00:39:22 It still took him 48 takes to get that shot. Jan de Bont sweating, like I gotta get this, I gotta get she's reading a book. That's what she was reading. It still took him 48 takes to get that shot. Jan de Bont sweating, like, I gotta get this. I gotta get it on the next one. Good answer. What's yours? Yeah, great movie. Great movie, Swordfish. It's fun. I mean, it's got Hugh Jackman and Travolta, right?
Starting point is 00:39:39 Right. Yeah. Hugh Jackman. Yeah. I mean, the closet energy on set must have been wild. As I said that, I was like, Holly Berry's
Starting point is 00:39:50 showing her tits and Hugh Jackman and Travolta are like practicing wrestling. Oh my God. Yeah. It's for an upcoming
Starting point is 00:39:57 movie we're both training for. Hey, let's go, let's have a fight. Let's put in our teeth and put on our hair and have a good
Starting point is 00:40:04 few rounds of scrappling. Yeah, those two. Travolta, I got to say, some of my favorite later Travolta performances, because he didn't get to do it much when he was young. He was always like the hero when he was young. But his later performances, his villain roles, like he nails some of them.
Starting point is 00:40:27 Not all of them. Let's not get crazy. He's taking swings. But he takes the swings. Did you see the movie he was in that was directed by Fred Durst? Where he plays off a super fan? It's a silly movie, but he has a good performance in it. It's a good performance.
Starting point is 00:40:43 It's him and Devin Sawa, right? Yes, that's right. And directed by Fred Durst. Really? He's obsessed, right? Yeah, he's a super fan of Devin Sawa, which makes sense. What?
Starting point is 00:40:55 I saw on Twitter today that Devin Sawa said he would never work with Steven Seagal. Yeah, that seems... That seems like you're supposed to just add that to your bio. But then Fred Durst is like, hey, I want to direct a movie. I'm fucking in. Then we're going to tie it all together
Starting point is 00:41:09 because you know Halle Berry was dating Fred Durst when she made Gothica so that she did the music video on the set of Gothica for Fred Durst's cover of Pink Floyd's Comfortably Not. That's the winner of the day. Holy shit, you get to come back next week for that. You got a winner already? That's the tiebreaker.
Starting point is 00:41:30 We're all tied at the end. That's a good one. I think it goes to Double D. We've been talking about Fred Durst so much today. I learned a new one today. I went to the tiebreaker theater. I learned a new,
Starting point is 00:41:40 you know, story that's very similar to that one, but it's about Sammy Hagar. I'm a huge Van Halen fan, Doug. All right, well, you might not like this so much. Apparently a lot of people couldn't drive 55 lately. But the story...
Starting point is 00:41:54 It's very tough. The story comes from... Sorry. In Virginia, the speed limit's 70. From Eddie Van Halen. Yeah. Who says that when they were... When Sammy Hagar was in the band, they were given the assignment to write a song for the motion picture Twister.
Starting point is 00:42:15 Yep. Humans being. That's what they came up with, humans being. But the, Jan de Bont, the director of the film uh told sammy hagar uh you know just write a song don't write don't write a song about tornadoes just write a song it's like a van halen song and uh and then he did a lot of research on tornadoes and he told him i don't think he wants tornadoes in the song i don't know why you're doing all this tornado stuff. And Sammy Hagar just kept insisting on putting tornado words
Starting point is 00:42:49 into the Twister song. I don't know what happened eventually, but it's still funny to me imagining Jan de Bont having to argue with Sammy Hagar and he said he just wasn't getting it. He kept saying no tornado words and then he'd just write another version with tornado words in it. This is revelatory to me.
Starting point is 00:43:07 I've read no less than 15 different Van Halen biographies. They're all on the back of my toilet. And I've never heard that Yonda Bond is actually the reason why that version of Van Halen broke up. Because that was the song that broke Van Halen up. Because they recorded Balance, and there were some internal tensions. And then the next year, they all want to go on go on vacation they got to write this song for twister and that that was the straw that broke the camel's back like they didn't record it together anymore fucking yonder bun i can't drive f5 wow
Starting point is 00:43:37 pressure coming down the plains those are both perfect examples and thank you for these Halle Berry recommendations I mean personally
Starting point is 00:43:53 I don't want to put my thumb on the scale as they say but I'd probably go John Wick 3 because she's just got dogs
Starting point is 00:44:00 that just bite bad guys in the dick and it's amazing look out Tommy Luke it's fantastic. Look out, Tommy Lee. It's fantastic. Just the idea that somebody as awesome as Halle Berry is just running around with killer dogs makes me very happy.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Excellent choice, Daniela. Let's take our first of two very brief commercial breaks. We'll be right back. Woo! We're back! Yeah. Yeah, commercials. It's just an ugly thing we have to do,
Starting point is 00:44:38 and I appreciate anybody who knows how to fast forward. Skill that really comes in handy out there. Out there in the modern jungle. who knows how to fast forward. Skillet really comes in handy out there. Out there in the modern jungle. Okay, so here's who's playing for who. We decided that during the break. David is playing for Cheryl. And Mark is playing for OG Gatorade Man.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Josh, right? Josh. Yeah. That's all I wrote down was OG Gatorade Man. Josh, right? Josh. Yeah. That's all I wrote down was OG Gatorade. I didn't write down the Josh part. We got the color of beverage right. Yeah. He's a Mountain Dew guy.
Starting point is 00:45:14 Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I didn't even write down the right beverage. I switched it to Gatorade. I'm like, you sure you don't want to, you know, it's got some little electrolytes in there. You're looking out for Josh. It's a little better for you, I think, but not much. Maybe a little bit.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Mountain Dew is like Gatorade with bubbles. Remember when we were kids and Gatorade was like health? They'd be like, it's a healthy drink. Yeah, it's like, hey kids, this is definitely not 300 calories of bullshit. We were drinking Snapple iced teas like it was water. My mom's like, just have a Snapple, no soda. Remember Fruitopia? It's like we're at Woodstock.
Starting point is 00:45:51 So-called vitamin water is one of the sweetest things I've ever drunk. So nasty. All right. That's who everybody's playing for. And let's begin our games with one of my favorites. It's called Who Has My Pig? Yeah, see?
Starting point is 00:46:12 See, there's a few people. There's a few people that like it. The great Nicolas Cage made a motion picture called Pig. One of the most hilarious non-comedies ever made. Walks a real line.
Starting point is 00:46:30 And I love it. I love his character in the movie. He's of course a man who's searching for his pig. And he's very focused on getting that pig back. So in this game, all your mics are hot, so guess as often as you like, I'm
Starting point is 00:46:47 going to accuse a Hollywood celebrity, could be an East Coast celebrity, just a celebrity. I'm going to accuse a celebrity of taking my pig, and while yelling at them reveal some clues about the celebrity I'm speaking to can we just shout out the answer shout it out shout out our name to buzz in just shout it out because it's that fast
Starting point is 00:47:17 it could happen that quickly and you gotta interrupt Ellen DeGeneres what if the celebrity is one of us? Two terrific guesses. But now you're both negative one point. No, there's no penalty for wrong guesses.
Starting point is 00:47:36 And what was your question, John? What if the celebrity is one of us? Oh, that'd be wild. I should do that sometime. That'd be fun. Last time Sam Levine was on, I tricked him, and he thought the answer was him, but it was someone else.
Starting point is 00:47:53 Yeah, he buzzed in confidently. Sam! The answer is Sam Levine. I was like, no, it isn't. That warms my heart. I just sat back. Yeah, it was fun. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:06 And just to get into the character, you know, kind of method about it, I say the same thing, similar thing at the beginning each time. That's not a clue. Just gets me into it. Do you have my pig? Do you have my pick? I might be going overboard, but I think... Mark, Kurt Russell. Goldie Hawn.
Starting point is 00:48:31 Who said Goldie Hawn? David? David Godden is Goldie Hawn. I like Mark. Mark said, Mark, Kurt Russell. Yeah, right, right, yeah. Wait, I'm so confused. I might be going overboard starring Goldie Hawn.
Starting point is 00:48:45 But I think you snatched starring Goldie Hawn. But I think you snatched starring Goldie Hawn, my pig. Death does not become her. So that's the idea. We all know what's happening. All on the same page. David has a point.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Ellen DeGeneres. It's always a good pre-guess. She hasn't been in a movie in 20 years. Mr. Wrong. We'll do Ellen DeGeneres movies another time. I think I just won. No, she's in a bunch of them.
Starting point is 00:49:30 Okay, she's in a few movies. She's in Ed TV. Alright, alright. This isn't the Ellen DeGeneres game. This is the next one. Here we go. Everybody's... your microphones are all unlocked. Here we go. You don't have to test it. I just told you. Well, you telling me makes me think they're not for some reason. I was assuming it was live. Then you say they're all unlocked.
Starting point is 00:49:52 I'm like, what the fuck? No, no, we lock them down in between rounds. Just know I'm going to buzz in with my name again. Sam Levy. Mark Paul Gosselaar. Do you have my pig? Are you one of those ruthless people? Oh, Danny DeVito.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Or... Billy Crystal. Would you use your hocus pocus? Mark. It's Ben Midler. I said Mark again. Damn it. Hey, you know, her original name
Starting point is 00:50:26 was Mark Bette Midler. So you really should get the point, but since she had it removed, she had to change it for Sag. But yeah, I think Daniela got in ahead of you, because she did it
Starting point is 00:50:44 the right way. I get it now. I get what this game is Alright You feel good, you're on the board? She's happy Five minutes ago you were like This is some sort of fucking What kind of joke is this?
Starting point is 00:51:06 It's a hidden camera show for True TV. We got you here. You don't realize. He's yelling in a Nicolas Cage voice and you go, Goldie Hawn. I was like,
Starting point is 00:51:13 what the fuck does that mean? This is the last line of the last one. LA is nice, especially the beaches. All right, here we go. I think he does like the beach. If he could live in a castle on the beach, he would.
Starting point is 00:51:36 He likes castles. I remember I was driving along in Hollywood one day. Somebody was like, that's Nicolas Cage's house and it looked like a castle. He likes pyramids, not castles. Oh. Is that a pyramid? He pre-bought his pyramid grave in New Orleans.
Starting point is 00:51:58 I just visited it. Right? I mean, I'm talking a long time ago he had a house that was like a castle. He's always, you know, that's the thing. He keeps some interesting actors. He's always changing his hobbies. But never his black dye.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Mm-mm. That always stays the same. Yeah, keep it just pitch black. Oh, he visited his grave. Just a color. He pre-bought his grave. The color of hair. It's in the St. Louis Cemetery in New Orleans.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Did you pre-pay your respects I did I was like you're an amazing actor and I hope you have a great comeback you were like
Starting point is 00:52:32 I love Wicker Man 2 you're just guessing what he might have been done before he passes away yes when you returned to Las Vegas
Starting point is 00:52:40 I thought you deserved another Oscar arriving Las Vegas leaving Las Vegas 2 colon arriving Las Vegas it I thought you deserved another Oscar. Arriving Las Vegas. Leaving Las Vegas too. Calling arriving Las Vegas. It's like a weekend at Bernie's type comedy.
Starting point is 00:52:51 He's sober now. I'm trying to enjoy it. Nick is gone. He's free from this life. He finally has his Declaration of Independence. But he's still gonna be buried next to
Starting point is 00:53:00 Patricia Arquette. It's weird. Alright. I'm gonna be buried next to Patricia Arquette, it's weird. All right. Do you have my pig? I mean, something's gotta give. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson! Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton is correct.
Starting point is 00:53:19 Oh no, wait, wait, wait. Mark Diane Keaton, damn it. Something's gotta give me my pig back. Does the father of the bride or the mother of Family Stone have my pig? All right, so that was Diane and Keaton. So now, Mark, you're on the board. This is exciting. I know.
Starting point is 00:53:45 Everybody's getting them. Everybody. It. I know. Everybody's getting them. Everybody. It's so exciting. Everybody's getting them. Everyone gets a point. Everybody's having... Just put a point that makes everybody's name. Who gives a fuck? It's a first round.
Starting point is 00:53:54 For all the runners up today, we have Pig the Home Game. All right. Let's see. I'll look right... I'll try to look right at you, John, for this one and see if... Now I'm nervous. See if old Gabey can pick up a point. Do you have my pig?
Starting point is 00:54:18 Country or city? Have sex wherever you want. Sarah Jessica Parker. Patrick Swayze. Sarah Jessica Parker is correct. Wow. I'm sorry I didn't look at you.
Starting point is 00:54:30 John. No, that's okay. I didn't deserve that. Yeah. I had no idea. All right. Well, guess what? That's a hell of a
Starting point is 00:54:36 that's a hell of a pool of data. Yeah, that was fantastic. And you are the winner of this game. What does that mean? It just means you get to go first in the next game. What does that mean? It just means you get to go first in the next game.
Starting point is 00:54:48 Does that give you an advantage? Maybe. Can't say for sure. But here's, I had one more written out. So let's do it. Just because I wrote it down might as well do it, right? Everybody ready?
Starting point is 00:55:04 I like how David doesn't even need the microphone to be he's like got it he's like making it as hard for himself to get the microphone to his mouth he's an active oh look at that look at that oh shit all right i take it back he's fast he's like a pitcher he just keeps checking the first he's a regular Doc Holliday with that thing alright
Starting point is 00:55:31 do you have my pig Maggie Smith the English cast wait it's just Maggie Smith that is correct the last one I always just say the name
Starting point is 00:55:47 And see how confused everybody is You know what's so funny? I almost buzzed in with Helen Mirren for some reason Mark, Helen Mirren Charlotte Rampling All these dames look the same But anyway, that didn't affect your win, Daniel You gotta go first
Starting point is 00:56:04 Helen DeGener in our next game. You're not going to want to guess Ellen DeGeneres anymore because the answers are not people's names in this next game. She'll be mean to me if I'm on her show. Because we're going to play... It's over. That'd be funny to make a movie of somebody just getting off the bus.
Starting point is 00:56:27 It's their first day in Hollywood. I'm going to try to get on the Ellen show. All right, here we go. The game is called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway? Who's a tag-a-liner is it? All right. There will be a theme in this game.
Starting point is 00:56:47 Not to be confused with whose skin tag is it anyway. I'm playing... If we ever get a video version of this show, that would be great. It would be a really fun game to play. But since we only have words and sounds, I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture. It could be
Starting point is 00:57:06 any motion picture from the history of cinema. Ooh. Yeah. Probably a talkie, though. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Not going to make any promises. These can be tough, but some of them are easy. You just don't know what's going to happen. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:57:23 And we take turns. Oh, shit. And we take turns. Oh, shit. So, Danielle, you're up first. Okay. You need the character or actor?
Starting point is 00:57:36 I will tell you the tagline from a movie. Okay. And I'm going to tell you what movie it is. C, none of the above. And you tell me.
Starting point is 00:57:45 I'm getting too old for this shit. There's no multiple choice. You just have to take a wild guess based on the tagline. And if you miss it, then David gets a chance at it. Then Mark. Then Gabrus.
Starting point is 00:58:01 And if everybody misses it, nobody gets the point. Okay. And I go home angry. I take my shit and I leave. You go home early and angry. Yeah, game's over. You can't fucking get these. No, they are tough,
Starting point is 00:58:19 and it's fun to just take a wild guess and maybe possibly be right. And, you know, who knows? Mark's pretty good at this game. Witness the movie that broke up Van Halen. That'd be weird if taglines were that specific about things that hadn't happened yet. Do you love the world's greatest hard rock band? Not anymore.
Starting point is 00:58:45 But watch Twister. While you're at it, how do you feel about tornadoes? Do you like them more or less than Van Halen? It's not just an acrobatic party game anymore. The temperature's dropping with the jet stream coming across the plains.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Right now. Hey, it's getting windy. This was so much better than yours. What the fuck was that? The wind is swirling fast. Right now,
Starting point is 00:59:16 a fucking cow just flew my head. Really like that band, y'all. We're gonna pour some cans of Pepsi in the eye of this sick bitch. All right. Dorothy.
Starting point is 00:59:35 You ready, Dee? Yeah. Okay. What movie do you think has the tagline, oh, and there will be a theme that emerges, but of course, early on, don't even bother yourself with it. That's not the tagline. Oh, and there will be a theme that emerges, but of course, this early on don't even bother yourself with it. That's not the tagline. I'll say it again.
Starting point is 00:59:50 What movie is this from? There's a theme, but it hasn't emerged yet, so just wait for it. Just one of the guys. No, I haven't gotten to it yet. Here it is. Okay. Get a clue! Exclamation point. Get a clue. Exclamation point. Get a clue.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Yeah. This is so dumb. That bold and clever tagline. Get a clue. A clue. Right? Your instincts might be right. I got two obvious ones.
Starting point is 01:00:24 I think we all got those. One has a less at the end of it, the other one doesn't. Fuck! I'm gonna go with clue. All of those taglines have words from the title in the tagline, you know, like the tagline for E.T. was E.T. E.T. E.T.
Starting point is 01:00:44 What was your guess? Clue. Clue? No, sorry. It's not clueless. It was a good guess. I'm not going to say. I am guessing.
Starting point is 01:00:52 That's still out there on the table for any pirate to steal. Clueless. Incorrect, Mark. Is it really not clueless? It's not clueless. That was my guess, too.
Starting point is 01:01:04 Luckily, I didn't say it because it wasn't my turn. Get a clue. Get a clue. I mean, I think they just ran with all her catchphrases on the poster, right? It wasn't just like, as if.
Starting point is 01:01:14 I'm going to go with the Pink Panther. He's so impressed if that's right. Well, time for you to be impressed. Because that's right well time for you to be impressed because that is correct really
Starting point is 01:01:27 wow that's amazing sometimes it's good to not even get a chance to guess actually it's not that amazing he runs a trivia podcast but I was totally going to guess clueless and then I would have guessed clue so I'm so happy I had those were my two guesses too
Starting point is 01:01:45 so if I would have gone third I would have sat here stone-faced for like six minutes that's pretty good alright you're gonna go first on this round though John pressure's on you buddy and don't forget that the first title
Starting point is 01:02:03 so far is the pink panther steve martin one not the uh right peter so you kind of you could have been saying either one we didn't know which one you meant i'll never tell yeah but you still it was still the answer i was looking for only Only Josh and I know. I don't even think Josh knows. Josh is Gatorade Guy's friend, right? With the Mountain Dew? I think everybody here today is friends. It's that kind of crowd. Let's stop by Doug's show on our way to dinner.
Starting point is 01:02:46 They're all going over to Chuck Entertainment Cheeses. John Gabrus, what movie has the tagline, Don't Fight the Feeling? Don't Fight the Feeling? Yeah, Don't Fight the Feeling. Shit. Don't Fight the feeling yeah don't fight the feeling shit
Starting point is 01:03:06 don't fight the feeling don't um Blue Valentine okay that movie features feelings right? I think so I'm coming across as
Starting point is 01:03:22 detached from society as I should be yeah there's a lot of people are upset in that movie. Two people. That was a rough one. So that was not right. I like to stretch it out and make it suspenseful. I'll get back to you later on that one, Danielle.
Starting point is 01:03:41 Wait, is there a rule that a word in the tagline is a word in the title of the film? Yeah. There's no rule like that. I think he was joking. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was saying... That's what's a clue in Pink Panther. They tend to not have... In this game, I wouldn't be like, you know, what movie had the tagline?
Starting point is 01:03:59 You'll feel like you're gone with the wind. I like what amount of head games are part of this. You have broken us each psychologically like MK Ultra. I also thought the phrases were going to be a little longer. They're so short. Right. These are short ones, but there might be long ones coming up. I'm not going to tell.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I have it written down in my sketchy notes. But what do you think it is? Don't fight the feeling. Okay, well, I'm going to say it's going to be a more male-oriented film because I feel like Sylvester Stallone would deliver a line like that. So I'm going to just go and say Rocky. Hey, Adrian, don't fight the feeling. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:43 These are my turtles, Cuff and Link. Don't fight the feeling. These are my turtles, Cuff and Link. Don't fight the feeling. He's so sweet and shy in that movie, and so is Adrian, but I still like... Nerds. But just the way he hangs off the door jamb when he's talking to her,
Starting point is 01:05:02 she should have ran. Yeah. That's not good when somebody does that to you. She should have ran. Yeah. That's not good when somebody does that to you. It's a little creepy. I mean, his lats are impressive. Do you want to come in and see my turtles
Starting point is 01:05:10 and my armpits? All right. Whose turn is it? That was long. David. Oh, yeah, sorry. I will say Trolls.
Starting point is 01:05:25 The Trolls movie. Terrific guess. Mark? Mark? I am going to guess, because I think I've stumbled onto the theme of this game. For some reason, I want to say it's the movie Roxanne. Oh.
Starting point is 01:05:51 No. Is it Dirty Dancing Havana Nights? No, it isn't. But another terrific guess. The actual answer is the fighting temptations. Ah. So see, there is sometimes where the word fight did show up in both. What year did that come out?
Starting point is 01:06:12 That was a year that I did not write down. It was a piece of research that I had not included. But if I have to guess, I'd say in the 1900s to 2000s. Somewhere in that range. I think that's right. Point for Gabrus. I think you're right. All right.
Starting point is 01:06:35 So what do we got here so far? Just Mark on the board in this game. But we still have one more game to play after this. So let's get going. John Gabrus. We're still playing the same game. Yes. Yeah, so let's get going. John Gabrus. We're still playing the same game? Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:46 Yeah, we've got to get it done. Here we go. We've got to get somebody to two points. John Gabrus, what movie had the tagline, Be Prepared? Um, Without a Paddle. Oh. That is a good one. that is a good one that is a good one why did you bring a paddle
Starting point is 01:07:11 that's incorrect I'm guessing I've seen that movie I forget do they really need a paddle or is it just it's just a fun title and it doesn't really come into play like do they lose their paddle that was back in the day where you couldn't call it shit creek but now times have changed you can have the shit creek
Starting point is 01:07:27 I think I think somebody's ready to answer I think you're next what do you think it is Lion King that is correct what the shit how did you know that Lion King isn't a boy scout
Starting point is 01:07:44 how could they just say be King isn't a Boy Scout. How could they just say, be prepared? Isn't that the Boy Scout motto? I was going to guess the last Boy Scout. I guess there's a whole song in Lion King called Be Prepared. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Scar sings it because, you know, he likes his enemies to, you know, he likes a fair fight. So he's like, be prepared.
Starting point is 01:08:08 Be prepared. he likes a fair fight so he's like be prepared be prepared he warned Bufasa is all I'm saying you know I'd like to see him in a Klaus von Bulow musical alright you're on the board
Starting point is 01:08:22 you did it Lion King correct terribly exciting You're on the board. You did it. Lion King, correct. Terribly exciting for two of our players. David's first on this next one. Oh, this is, I think you might get this one. This is for you, Cheryl.
Starting point is 01:08:52 A new breed of evil. I'm going to say the answer is... Relic. Oh, that's a really good answer. That's a deep cut, and it sounds right, Doug. Right? But it's a really good answer. That's a deep cut, and it sounds right, Doug. Right? But it's not. But yeah. That's a really good, that's a good yes. Yeah, that was, yes.
Starting point is 01:09:13 That would fit perfectly. Sorry, Sean. It was not for you. That was for someone else. Alright, uh... Mark? Yeah, it sounds like some shit was grown in a lab accidentally. You know? Like we created a new species.
Starting point is 01:09:30 Damn. Oh! Please let that be wrong, because that was my guess. That's not my official guess. Wow, then I think you put the verbal bold on the wrong word. If I'm being perfectly honest, I wasn't even thinking about the movie speech when I said that. And now if it's right, I'm going to be really pissed.
Starting point is 01:09:51 A new breed of evil. Ellen DeGeneres. A new breed of evil. It's like we were like splicing shit it's not the movie Splice unless it is but I'm not gonna guess that
Starting point is 01:10:10 he's like working movie titles into his guess to see your reaction he's like yeah I mean man I'm hungrier than a gremlin okay
Starting point is 01:10:19 whoops am I giving too good a clue I meant critter I meant critter not gremlin I meant critter. I meant critter, not gremlin. I meant ghoulie. Just spit one out. It's going to be wrong.
Starting point is 01:10:36 All right. Then I will go with Alien 3. Incorrect. Alien to the third power, you mean? That's Resurrection, right? Yeah. What? Wait.
Starting point is 01:10:50 3 is the little 3. Is Resurrection 4? Just Alien 3. 4 is Resurrection. Yeah. I love that movie. 3 has got the little Alien to the third power.
Starting point is 01:10:59 Yeah. 3 is one that people pretend to like now. Alien's cubed, if you will. Oh. Look at the big brains on Brad watch me get my tenth fucking question wrong since you said take a rip you'll be wrong makes me think
Starting point is 01:11:15 species isn't the answer but that was my guess so I'm sticking to my motherfucking guns and I'm going species I like it I like you you're a player of integrity and unfortunately and I'm going species. I like it. I like you. You're a player of integrity. Unfortunately. That is an incorrect answer.
Starting point is 01:11:31 Everyone's going to be mad when they hear what the answer is. It's Austin Powers in Gold... Oh, shit. You weren't going to say that anyway. But it's Austin Powers in Goldmember. Right? Which one were you going to say, Danielle? Well, I was going to say,
Starting point is 01:11:45 what if it's like a, I could see it being a Marvel movie. Oh, right. Like Ultron or somebody's the new evil. I could see it being a Jurassic Park thing.
Starting point is 01:11:56 Cujo. Oh, that's true, actually. Oh, yeah, you're right. They breed stuff and sometimes it goes bad, Doug. Most of the time. That's the majority of the time. Almost every the majority of the time.
Starting point is 01:12:05 Almost every time. And you're out there trying to save them. Well, I'm sorry I tried to skip you. Yeah. Whatever you were going to say was wrong. God, that's evil. That's a new ingredient. Because nobody was on the Dr. Evil tip.
Starting point is 01:12:23 They didn't figure out that that's what that's in reference to it'd be awesome the first one we would have all had a shot it's like one's harder yeah
Starting point is 01:12:29 absolutely and also they have I have multiple taglines to choose from so of course I picked the one
Starting point is 01:12:34 that's like why did they come up with that why did they think that represented that's funny mini me
Starting point is 01:12:39 I guess they're moving exactly all right so we've got a very very exciting game
Starting point is 01:12:44 but we we got to very very exciting game but we gotta break the tie because I've got one more game to play today let me just give a message to the Dynasty Typewriter real quick attention Dynasty Typewriter we're going long alright so
Starting point is 01:12:59 just wanted to warn them give them a heads up because you know it's rude to just go along not saying anything who's up next? David no, I was first because Daniela got the last point so you get to go first
Starting point is 01:13:17 oh, well, fine fine alright, so we've got Pink Panther Pink Panther, Pink Panther, Fighting Tiptage, his Lion King, also the more recent one,
Starting point is 01:13:30 2019, and Austin Powers and Goldmember. What do you think this is, David? Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Is that your final answer? Oh, wait. Go ahead. Second row Van Halen tickets
Starting point is 01:13:46 Beware the obsession Resist the obsession Escape the obsession Calvin Klein I I feel like that would have been the tagline
Starting point is 01:14:09 for the film Fatal Attraction oh that's good that's really good I'm going to come up with a new game where I just reward people for really coming up with good answers that match the tagline. It feels like I'm getting a good effort prize here, Cheryl. It is tough to do.
Starting point is 01:14:33 I'm really sorry. It's tough to do, but that is not the answer I'm looking for. That's not the correct answer. Mark? Can I hear the tagline one more time? It was a bit of a wordy one. You may, yes. Beware the obsession.
Starting point is 01:14:45 Resist the obsession. Escape the obsession. The obsession. Obsession. Obsession. Obsession. Escape it. Liar.
Starting point is 01:15:03 Confession. I saw a guy on a game show the other day and they were like so you're into escape rooms and he goes yeah I've done 27 escape rooms and only didn't get out of 5 of them and I'm like I thought you'd only not be able to get out of 1 and you're done
Starting point is 01:15:17 wouldn't you still be in that room what are you bragging about he didn't solve the puzzle five times. He should be stuck there. Alright. Another werewolf of London has arrived. What's your answer? My answer is
Starting point is 01:15:41 Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring. Oh, great answer because it's got so many words. John? Cape Fear. Oh, great answer because it's only two words. Danielle? Jumanji. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:15:54 I like you have to look at that moment. Was it Jumanji? Wait, could it be? It wasn't maybe Jumanji? I had to make sure. Beware, escape, and what was the last one? Escape, yeah. Beware, resist, escape.
Starting point is 01:16:09 Resist, escape. Which are, you know, basically, those are the three rules of any date I go on. You just text them, beware, resist, escape. Yeah, in any order that you feel comfortable what's your answer? Jumanji oh right, Jumanji, sorry, that's incorrect
Starting point is 01:16:34 it's a motion picture called Obsessed yeah, it was right there for the taking starring John Travolta they say Obsessed fans directed by the great Fred Durst Yeah, it was right there for the taking. Starring John Travolta. They say obsessed fans. Directed by the great Fred Durst. Fred Durst. No, it's...
Starting point is 01:16:50 That one's called Fanatic, correct? Wait, Obsession? Obsessed. Yeah. Obsessed. Is that like a 70s movie? No, no, it's a dude that's obsessed with Beyonce. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:07 He won't leave her alone. He's like hanging out at her lemonade stand all day. He's a renaissance man. That would be so cool if she only had really super pricey lemonade out in front of her house. They could wear the hot dog on a stick outfits. Benson steps up to the plate.
Starting point is 01:17:29 It's long. It's high. It's out of here. We got to settle this tie that we have currently between two of our players. Mark and Danielle have won each. It's out. So should me and David sit out this round? No, we have special headphones for you to wear
Starting point is 01:17:49 so you don't hear what's happening. The ones my neighbor put on me when he would come to visit my mom. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so this last one, David and John sit this one out. The other two players... Big shift for me. You don't have to buzz in with your name,
Starting point is 01:18:18 but you do have to be the fastest one to answer because this last one is super easy especially if you're sensing what the theme is I have no idea I even added a word to it to make sure somebody gets it so now it's just a matter of who gets it the quickest okay here we go Some dreams do come true. That is correct. You win. Who's tagline is it anyway?
Starting point is 01:18:50 I got the theme now. It was the new Lion King, correct? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so it's all Beyonce movies. I got it. I mentioned it was the new one just to be on the up and up. What was the movie? The movie was Dreamgirls.
Starting point is 01:19:07 Oh, okay. Yeah, and I didn't have to say it, but I really wanted to go, some dreams do come true, girl. I'm still thinking about that would have been a better tagline for Lord of the Rings. Some dreams do come true? No, the obsessed one remember when Bilbo just freaked out
Starting point is 01:19:27 for a second right yeah he lost his shit it would be weird the tagline is from Smeagol's perspective like he's the real protagonist of this
Starting point is 01:19:34 well if you think about it he's the one most connected to the never mind I'll talk about this the whole time at my wife on the ride home
Starting point is 01:19:40 while she's looking at her phone it's funny you missed the turn think about Smeagol though because the thing about while she's looking at her phone. It's funny, you miss the turn. Think about Spiegel though because the thing about him is like, why did I go to
Starting point is 01:19:50 this fucking show? All right, we're out of time but we're going to forge ahead anyway and we're going to take a very quick commercial break
Starting point is 01:20:01 and then get right back into it because we've got one more game to play. We'll be right back. We're back. We're back! Fastest commercial breaks in the biz.
Starting point is 01:20:18 And I'm very proud of it. And I'm very proud of my guest today. It's been very competitive. It has. I just don't know who's going to win this thing at this point. The answer is Daniela. Do I get the point? I guess she could pull this off. Anything can happen.
Starting point is 01:20:37 Yeah. Can anything happen? She gets to go first in this next game. But just for the first round, we're going to play four rounds of this game, hopefully quickly, and each of you will get a chance to go first once
Starting point is 01:20:55 because basically what we're going to do is, it's called Filmily Feud. It's like Family Feud, if all the questions were about filmilys no um let me see if uh okay so i'm gonna start with you daniella i'm gonna say uh the question that i asked on twitter and I took down the percentages of the answers, not unlike how they do on Family Feud. They poll 100 people,
Starting point is 01:21:31 and they say what number of people said the thing. And it takes so fucking long. I'm trying to like, how can I explain this quicker? You can't. So basically, it's like Family Feud. You get to go first daniela and you get to uh answer this first question what you think you want to answer what you think was the most popular answer in my poll that i did okay yeah uh the first thing i asked is, I'm a dot dot dot question mark. And then I gave four choices. Because let's face it, Sex and the City is a TV show, right? But they've made two movies. So it's fair
Starting point is 01:22:15 game for Doug Love's movies to talk about Sex and the City. So I wrote I'm a dot dot dot and then gave the people answering the poll four choices. Okay. Miranda, Samantha, Carrie, or Charlotte. Oh. Which one do you think got the most love of those four? I'm going to say Samantha. Those four ladies. Not in the new series, Samantha.
Starting point is 01:22:41 But maybe that's why she'd get a lot of votes because people feel bad for her. I don't know. Promiscuous. Her character, yes. Yes. Oh, I thought this was just overall. No. No, she was cool. She was chill. Wait, I think you're all having a different conversation at the same time.
Starting point is 01:23:01 You're so confused. The only word that keeps coming back in my head is like, we gotta do this one quick and doug is like we really need to rush this so anyway i just don't want this to end to be honest with you but uh samantha is uh taken okay Samantha is taken. David, of the remaining three, which one do you think? Miranda. You think
Starting point is 01:23:30 people think they're a Miranda? Sure. I don't know, Doug. He's going to reveal which one was the most popular once we're all tied. Once you all lock in and answer, then I'll tell you. I got backup over here. Since I'm not really answering any questions, I think I'll just help explain the game.
Starting point is 01:23:49 Which is the Cynthia Nixon one? Damn it. Wait a second. We've got to switch the order around, though, from the last game, so it's John's turn. You don't have more time to think, David. But I... John? Did we say Miranda?
Starting point is 01:24:06 So, wait. What have we said so far? Samantha? I thought I was going last, so I was just going to eat whichever one Nolan chose. Samantha was right. Just Samantha. Samantha was right, you said? Hey, if you want to move it a little faster, let's go.
Starting point is 01:24:23 I was thinking I want somebody to read me my Samantha rights. You have the right to a vibrator if you can have a huge one. Okay, so which one do you pick, Abris? You go Miranda? Miranda. Okay, you go Miranda. And then Mark, that leaves Carrie or Charlotte. Yeah, I feel like Twitter looks at you as a self-starter,
Starting point is 01:24:51 so I'm going to go with Carrie. Okay. Then I guess I'm Charlotte. Yeah. I always liked her the best, if that helps. I would have done that one. This is where I reveal the results, and it's pretty exciting that Charlotte did manage to beat Carrie by a mere 1%.
Starting point is 01:25:09 Carrie's 19%, Charlotte's 20%, Miranda 26%, and Samantha did indeed come out on top with 35%. Danielle, you are taking this thing so far. Oh, shit. Shocker, I get all the women votes. Now John gets to go first this round. See, everybody gets a chance. Okay, I get it. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 01:25:36 But you may get a question. You don't have any idea. I'm positive. That's true. All right. Sticking with the Sex and the City theme that I have going here, I ask the question, best Oompa Loompa?
Starting point is 01:25:54 I moved on from Sex and the City. This is a question about Oompa Loompas who do not... I'm pretty sure I saw both Sex and the City movies and they do not appear. But here's what I wrote. Sometimes I'll make up stuff to see how it shakes out in a pool. So I wrote down best
Starting point is 01:26:13 Oompa Loompa and then the options I gave them. I just went with first names. I don't know what their names really are. But I went with best Oompa Loompa. Is it Bill? Is it George? Felix? Or Bos Felix or Bosco Bosco
Starting point is 01:26:30 Bosco I don't know why that makes me laugh I'm so glad I'm going first because I definitely know the answer what do you think it is
Starting point is 01:26:39 I fucking know I'm going with Bosco you're going Bosco yeah there's no way It's not Bosco Just because it makes me laugh Not because you made me laugh And it was last
Starting point is 01:26:48 And you're reading this dumb poll And you're like Fuck it I'll just click on this last thing Isn't this the weed guy What am I answering here What is happening Why am I doing this
Starting point is 01:26:59 I love that they just answer though That's the part that tickles me I swear to god I think I answered these two. I think I hit... I feel like I was like, oh, yeah, Bosco. Yeah. All right, Mark, what do you think of Bill, George, or Felix?
Starting point is 01:27:14 My only hope is that the people, your followers, didn't get far enough down and see Bosco, they landed on Felix. They're like, that's the one. You're going Felix? I'm going Felix. Okay. David?
Starting point is 01:27:24 Bill. Bill. Said that like Felix? I'm going Felix. Okay. David? Bill. Bill. Said that like you're so happy about it. Bill. He studied Twitter algorithms for years. Bill. I've gotten so fucked this game. Bill and the Miranda.
Starting point is 01:27:41 Yeah, tell me Samantha didn't nail a couple Oompa's in her time. Okay, so, Daniela, you get George. You get the George leftover. And guess what? He didn't get the least amount of votes, George. That honor went to Bill. Bill took down 3% of the vote. But man, those are some scrappy people that voted for Bill.
Starting point is 01:28:10 Wait, can I ask? Those three people. They were all named fucking Bill. Was it Felix? What's that? I'm going to finish telling you what the other ones came in at. Tone. But you're right.
Starting point is 01:28:21 You were right to ask, because I do have a tendency to forget and move on. So Bill got 3%. George got 7%. And Charlotte... Oh wait. Charlotte. Felix. No, I think writing that small is helpful.
Starting point is 01:28:39 Felix got 15%. So I know you're not a bunch of math wizards, but that means that fucking Bosco got 75% of the vote. Thank you for engineering the lob so I can leave with all points. And I'm sorry, Susan.
Starting point is 01:29:01 I desperately seek a new contestant. All right, Mark gets to go first in this next round. Here we go. All right. The only question I asked was, but it was sticking with Billy Wonka. Billy Wonka. All his friends call him that.
Starting point is 01:29:18 Sticking with Billy Wonka. I just wrote, all I wrote was best death scene, and then the options were Violet Beauregard, Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, or Mike TV. The four ill-fated children. As a former kid who was a little heavy, there's no better death, really in any movie ever, than Augustus Gloop.
Starting point is 01:29:46 The poor fuck just got so excited. He just sees a river of chocolate. Who amongst us could resist just running over there, just shoving that into their mouth? And he just sees a little top-heavy, this poor kid, and he just, boom, goes in there. None of the other kids, they're all out for themselves. The answer is a Gooses. Okay, I'd like the other contestants to please mind the clock.
Starting point is 01:30:15 That was personal for me, Doug. Been wanting to say that for a long time. David. Name recognition alone, Veruca Salt. You're going for Veruca Salt. That's good. Good band. We're not allowed to pick the same ones?
Starting point is 01:30:30 No. Okay, well, I'm going to go with the Blueberry Girl. Oh, Violet Beauregard is the Blueberry Girl. Yeah. And for me, this is personal. As a kid who grew up dressing like a cowboy, I'm going to have to go with Mike TV. We all would have gone to that river in Chicago.
Starting point is 01:30:53 You damn well know it. Oh, I have no idea. I can't relate to Augustus Gloop at all. Nope. Nothing to compare it to here. Ha ha! You got to say used to in your sentence.
Starting point is 01:31:16 Formerly. Well, I mean, I did all these things these kids did. I wanted things now. I watched TV. I liked gum. And I do want my own big golden egg for Easter. Or a chocolate river, I should say.
Starting point is 01:31:38 Augustus Gloop wins this one. 39% went Gloop. Yeah. Followed by a good call on Veruca Salt David that was worth 32% and then Violet Beauregard garnered 20 points
Starting point is 01:32:00 20% of the vote and Mike TV got shafted I think it's because everybody would like to just, you know, be zapped into TV. His didn't look terribly painful. I mean, he was tiny, you know, they'd have to stretch him in the end.
Starting point is 01:32:15 But 9% for MikeTV. So we got a really exciting matchup here. We just have two more games to play, right? We got two games to play to determine who's going to go first in the third, fourth, and fifth games. It's complicated, like reality television. No, we are going to do...
Starting point is 01:32:41 I'd like to use my key pass now. We're going to do one more round. One more round, and then hopefully, I mean, if there's a tie, I'm going to use my key pass now we're going to do one more round one more round and then hopefully if there's a tie I'm going to be very angry but I don't think there will be it would be pretty wild if there was a tie defying math the fourth question
Starting point is 01:32:58 that I asked who gets to go first this time David gets to go first this is crucial David gets to go first. This is Crucial David. Crucial David. That was my nickname. So Crucial. Now are you going to say this one's for you, Cheryl, and bomb it
Starting point is 01:33:13 again? Cheryl. Oh no, don't point at her. That that's gotta be bad luck for somebody okay this one is for Josh do the do I ask the question best
Starting point is 01:33:39 Willy Wonka and then the options are Gene Wilder Johnny Depp, Timothee Chalamet, and Slash from Guns N' Roses. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:33:53 He's got the hat. And you asked on Twitter. I asked on Twitter. Actually, this is a bit of a game. This is one of those where I'm going Gene Wilder, because it's obvious, but watch, the Slash will end up being one of those where I'm going Gene Wilder because it's obvious, but watch. The slash will end up being the winner.
Starting point is 01:34:07 But I'm going Gene Wilder. Yeah, and Doug, since I'm going last, you can go ahead and put me down for Johnny Depp. No way. Are you kidding? On Twitter? Those guys are going to fucking DM the poll to each other. Bro, we got to come to Depp's.
Starting point is 01:34:18 Johnny needs us. Amber shit the bed. Women suck. They always reject me. Vote Johnny. Best fucking one. Don't take sides. That's true.
Starting point is 01:34:30 This generation, it's going to be between Depp and Chalamet. Yeah. Me and Gene Wilder. So now that you've heard a lot of strategy being thrown around
Starting point is 01:34:41 about what to pick, what do you think, Danielle? It's not what I think. It's what I assume Gen Z Twitter thinks. Oh, boy. Playing that game.
Starting point is 01:34:53 It hasn't come out yet. Chalamet. Chalamet has not come out yet. It hasn't. As far as I know, he's straight. Slash was never in it.
Starting point is 01:35:02 He's probably going to be canceled at some point by the new generation Did you already say yours? I know, you're next Oh sweet chocolate of mine I'll go with Slash
Starting point is 01:35:15 You like Slash? I love that I'm going to go with Dick Hang on a second I thought we were trying to move things along We were. We were. And I thought there was already kind of giving in.
Starting point is 01:35:27 We were, but everybody still deserves a dramatic finish. And also, I've got to write all this shit down. Who do you want to go with, John? Do we hold long enough now? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, there's two options left for me to choose from
Starting point is 01:35:46 I'm going to go with Depp Okay Alright well I got a lot to pick from here I'm going to go Chalamet Will Wonka eat the peach You're going Chalamet Because that's all that's left right
Starting point is 01:36:03 Yeah I'm also wondering if Willy Wonka Is a Samantha, a Charlotte, a Carrie, or a Miranda. Oh, survey says? He's a Carrie. He's got severe protagonist. Nah, dude, he's a Samantha. He's brutal to the people around him. He's behind the scenes. He's probably a Charlotte, to be honest. Converting to Judaism, you mean. him? He's behind the scenes. He's probably a Charlotte, to be honest. Converting to Judaism, you
Starting point is 01:36:28 mean. Couldn't think of a Charlotte plot point besides that one. That comes across as a total Miranda.
Starting point is 01:36:37 All right. I think I have the totals. I hope so, man. For last place, we have a tie. Oh, boy. So if anyone wants to stay for the loser's bracket, we will be squaring off to see who the real loser is.
Starting point is 01:37:04 With 76 points each, I'm afraid that our third and fourth place finishers are Mark and Daniella. Yeah. Oh, for this. I'm sorry, I thought you meant overall for the game. I'm like, how did Daniella lose? Just for this game, but this is the game you want to win.
Starting point is 01:37:23 Because it's the most important game of them all. So Depp was at least second? Well, check this out. The movie's not good. Check this out. It looks like Michael Jackson. Gene Wilder got 81% of the vote.
Starting point is 01:37:44 Which is right and just. And then, of course, the next person in line is Slash. Got 14% of the vote. And then Johnny Depp got 3%. So don't show this to Johnny. Did anybody vote for Timmy? And then Timothee Chalamet got 2% of the vote. Don't show this to Timmy.
Starting point is 01:38:03 Yeah. Nor Johnny. And I show this to Timmy. Yeah. Nor Johnny. And I added up everybody's scores, and one of you has 135, and another has 113, and guess what? The person with 135. Dynasty typewriter, we're going long, baby.
Starting point is 01:38:23 We're going long. It's going gonna take a minute for me to say this name we got one more break lots of syllables it's David S. Belchick Cheryl this one is for us
Starting point is 01:38:36 pulled it out don't you take those glasses off they were our lucky little talisman this game I'm surprised Deb was so I'd like to dedicate my win to that round those glasses off. They were our lucky little talisman this week. I'm surprised Deb was so... I'd like to dedicate my win for that round
Starting point is 01:38:49 before you go on to the big Olympic stage to one of my best friends, Mr. Joe Bond, who came all the way from New York to sit in the audience at the Dynasty Typewriter. Happy birthday, Joe Bond! Happy birthday, Joe. Go, Joe. It's weird that you didn't play for Joe.
Starting point is 01:39:08 Where is Cheryl? Joe only wears one pair of glasses. I was looking for six eyes of hope. Cheryl, give me that fucking box. Give it up for Cheryl, everybody. Cheryl! David, you got anything you want to plug before we get going?
Starting point is 01:39:27 I do. Thank you. Do we have a minute? I am so excited to just looking at the future ahead and thinking, no, I, anybody listening and anyone who's here,
Starting point is 01:39:41 yeah, if you get a chance, stop by your local comic shop, pick up Count Crowley, Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter. We are in publication now. We've got special one-shots coming out at Halloween, but right now the monthly series is in your local comic shop from Dark Horse Comics. I'm very proud of it, and I hope you'll give it a shot.
Starting point is 01:40:00 Thank you. Thank you. Hopefully we'll see you back here soon, but let's say goodbye to all of the other players. Let's say goodbye to them. Not forever, just for now. John Gabrus, 101 places to party before you die. Yeah, it's all there, right in the title.
Starting point is 01:40:25 Thursdays at 10.30 on TruTV, formerly Car Chase TV. Check it out. We have five episodes out already, so if you have your parents log in or your roommate is 70, you can
Starting point is 01:40:41 check it out. Or we have three more episodes to come, so please, I don't want to do any other job ever again. Yeah, all right.
Starting point is 01:40:51 Let's help little Johnny with his dream. Just going around partying. He just wants to eat short rib in Miami. Party,
Starting point is 01:41:00 that's all. He's just here to party for our enjoyment. Daniela Pineda! You did it! So I didn't win. No, but you did great. I thought for sure.
Starting point is 01:41:13 You were killing it. A lot of the people that come on this show, they walk away with all those little minor victories. Because everybody can't win, but everybody is irked because everybody can't win, but everybody is irked that they can't win. Welcome to Hollywood, David.
Starting point is 01:41:30 As the only woman on stage, technically you really did win the game, but I'm going to go ahead and claim the prize. Thank you very much. We've done the research. You won fair and square, David. Don't do that to yourself. Oh, everyone's plugging something
Starting point is 01:41:45 so I want to plug something tonight 9 8 central on AMC is the beginning of the anthology Tales of the Walking Dead which I have my own episode
Starting point is 01:41:52 and it's a lot of fun I was just watching cool yeah it's like a anthology version of Walking Dead so it's like
Starting point is 01:42:01 new characters each time it's like Creepshow or Tales of the Crypt different sitchies yeah that's fun. Do you know when in the order you are? Because it's going to roll out weekly, right? It is.
Starting point is 01:42:11 I'm in the last one. What? Yeah. If you watch it on AMC+, it comes out the 11th of September. Notice how I didn't say September 11th. Well done. You didn't. And on AMC regular TV, it comes out the 18th.
Starting point is 01:42:26 Oh, shit. Never forget September 18th. Regular. Regular TV. Just in time for they'll push it hard during the very final last Better Call Saul. So that's exciting. Hell yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:42:43 Mark. Mark Ellis. Thank you for remembering my name once again, Doug. Speaking of The Walking Dead, I'll be in Las Vegas for a whole week, September 5th through the 11th of September. I'll be at Brad Garrett's Comedy Club telling jokes at the MGM Grand, and you can find me online at Mark Ellis Live. Woo!
Starting point is 01:43:01 Yay! Thank you, everybody. I can't believe your run has come to an end, but it's the perfect place to do it because you like a live competition. We made it here, Doug. Yeah, you made it all the way to here. Jamocha shakes on me.
Starting point is 01:43:15 I'm proud of you. People would be bummed if they knew John Hamm was going to be in your seat today, but I said, no, Mark Ellis is unstoppable. And so, how can I stop him? Yeah. I walked in. I was like, not today, Ham. Ham, I got this Pee Wee's Playhouse thing. Why don't you sit down and watch how it's done? I'm sorry, Ham. How many times have you done standup in Virginia? That's what I thought. Ham, why don't you bake it backstage? John, just go to an Arby's and get a U sandwich.
Starting point is 01:43:49 All right, so I... He's got the meats. I'm going to be back here next month, like I said earlier, but we're switching to Saturday. Saturday, September 17th at 420 thanks again everybody thank you Dynasty Typewriter for letting us go long
Starting point is 01:44:11 not shutting off the power and thank you to John Gabrus Daniela Pineda David Desmalchian and Mark Ellis as always David Desmalchian and Mark Ellis. As always, well, sure, we're friends, aren't we? Now it's time for Doug to watch another talking.
Starting point is 01:44:39 Isaac Bolt is doing prowess makes it. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.