Doug Loves Movies - David Deery, Mark Normand, Chad Opitz and Taylor Rizzo guest
Episode Date: November 17, 2019Live from the San Jose Improv, Doug welcomes David Deery, Mark Normand, Chad Opitz and Taylor Rizzo to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a... free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds
With empty eyes and popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
Woo!
My name is Doug, and I love movies!
This is I Love Movies! Coming to you once again from the beautiful improv in downtown San Jose, California.
Yes, it's Saturday, right?
November 16th, 2019.
We're creeping up on Thanksgiving.
But you know what I would be thankful for today?
Some name tags.
Let me see what you got.
Oh, my goodness.
Tom B-land, I get that one.
American Psycho?
Eric.
Clever, it's right there in the word American.
Of all the American movies you could have gone with,
you're almost psycho.
I like it, I respect it.
That 10 Things I Hate About You is,
whose name is in there, Haley?
Matthew.
So close.
Right?
Looking right at it.
I've got like three different kinds of
glasses and the ones I'm wearing right now
are not going to help. I'm not wearing any
right now. I just realized
what I do with those.
Oh shit.
It's on the table.
See, that's the thing.
I'm almost like that thing on your
phone where you can find your phone.
I'm like that
with things that I leave sitting around.
I know exactly where they're approximately at.
And yeah, this isn't going to help me see the name tags.
They are prescription sunglasses, but they're the Holladavid.
Holladavid.
And what's this thing over here about Debbie Allen?
Downton Abbey.
Downton Abbey.
Debbie Allen, no, Downton Abbey.
Oh my God.
This is not working out at all.
But there are so many name tags,
and I appreciate all of you making those very much,
and good luck to everybody in being chosen today.
I guess the listeners don't want to hear me
talk about the name tags that much anyway,
but I just like to give everybody, you know,
a shout-out before I get into
my promotional mode.
Doug Plugs.
This is a fun idea I had. Here, you
read this plug right here.
Doug Loves
Movies is at the Improv in Miami
one week from today, November 23rd
at 420.
Yeah, see?
That gets everybody's attention, gets applause.
When I say it, it doesn't get applause.
It's like, okay, great, you're going to be in Miami.
None of us here in San Jose give a shit.
Here, you read the next one, sir.
Okay.
Number two.
Doug Loves Movies is back at UCB Franklin in L.A.
on Tuesday, November 26th
with a special Knives Out edition.
Schedules permit...
What? What is it?
Schedules permitting. Very good.
Very good.
I have to...
It's very important that I get that in there.
Let's go over here to this lady.
How you doing? Are you excited? Let's go over here to this lady. How are you doing?
Are you excited?
Womanuary is coming up.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, that's what I'm calling January is Womanuary.
And I'm going to try to do everything I can for women
just that one month.
I'm going to have to devote more time to that project.
Here, it's number three.
Go ahead, just read number three if you don't mind.
All of Doug's deets and dates are at DougLovesMovies.com.
That's DougLovesMovies.com!
Yeah!
Hoorah!
Call it!
Shh!
What did you do?
How did you set that off?
From the corrections department,
on the last show in the IMDB game,
I forgot to mention what the theme was after it was over.
People were probably like, what the hell was the theme?
It was actors and actresses who are in the movie Midway.
Has anybody seen that movie?
Yes, that's why nobody wrote to me and said,
what was the theme? Because nobody cared.
If they figured it out, they're like, why did you do that?
Prize bag, let's talk about today's prize bag.
I just came from, I was down in Orange County, California.
I got a copy of Modern Luxury, Orange County.
Got Kerry Washington on the cover.
It's got to be legit, right?
Ooh, this is cool from Magical Butter.
I mean, this is just fun to wear
whether you're making Magical Butter or not,
but it's a nice protective glove
that could probably be used
for a lot of things.
Most of them good.
Doug Loves
Movies t-shirt, of course.
Doug Loves Movies
sticker and a
Doug Benson pin available from
rockandpins.com
but the winner gets one of these today
and everybody else can purchase
one out on the sidewalk
after the show.
I'm just going to hang out outside for reasons
most of you know.
Most of you understand why
we do it there because we can't
smoke inside the theater.
Oh, there, that cat's out
of the bag. Alright, so
all of that plus stuff brought by my one, two, three, four guests.
Exciting all these fellas over here.
Apologies again to everyone who doesn't like an all-white male panel.
Please give it up for David Deary, Taylor Rizzo, Chad Opitz, and Mark Normand.
Oh, no.
Please evacuate the theater peacefully and calmly.
I'll be back here near the real brick wall.
Hey, hey. That was just Mark's energy. Hey, what happened? God the real brick wall. Hey, hey.
That was just Mark's energy. Hey, what happened?
God damn, you're blowing up, Mark.
That was a big queef. It's like the beginning of an EDM show.
Oh, I think it is Mark. I think Mark
is... That's Mark. Mark's energy. Mark Norman,
everybody. What did I do? He's a hero.
This is like an origin story
movie where he's just a mild-mannered
comedian and he finds out that he's
radioactive because his microphone
feeds back too much.
Don't make Mark angry.
Exactly. That's what happened, right?
Yeah. Is it working okay now?
I think I'm in. Hello?
Do you guys feel like you're in children's chairs?
Yeah, this is weird. Yeah, I feel tall.
It's really interesting, the chair
choices they made, and I really
especially like the choice for my chair.
I like it very much.
You're higher than us.
That's good.
Yeah, I'm higher than you in every way, David.
Yeah.
Mainly because they wouldn't let us smoke in the theater, but I get it.
Well, you know.
Edibles.
Rules.
Edibles are so good, but I don't want to be fat and high.
I just want to be high.
Fat enough.
Let's meet them individually, everybody,
starting with the gentleman directly to my left and figuring out what to do with his beverage.
I'm sorry you guys don't have tables.
I have a beautiful table.
They said, should we get tables
for the comedians to put their stuff on?
I'm like, nope. Fuck them.
Yeah, just make them put it on the ground
like a true
like true thespians
would on this beautiful stage.
Hi, Doug. How are you? Good to see you.
I'm good. Thank you for jumping in.
I'm sure all
your true diehard cult
fan favorite fans remember me from
two years ago on Valentine's Day
when I... Let him introduce
you, dummy. What up?
Let him introduce you. Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
It's David Deary, everybody.
They know.
David Deary is here.
They remember me from the American Comedy Club.
I was zero questions right.
So sorry, if I pick your name tag, good fucking luck.
All right, let's go.
All right, well, you never know.
You never know.
What can happen in these games?
You know, some things are in somebody's wheelhouse or whatever. You never know. You never know. What can happen in these games, you know? Some things are in somebody's wheelhouse or whatever.
You never know.
Whatever they say, that expression.
I'll be saying that a lot tonight.
You never know.
All right.
I don't, I never know.
Hi, guys.
What's up, movie guys?
That's what they are, movie guys?
People, movie people.
Sorry.
Hey, movie people.
Sorry, I genderized that.
Hey, movie people.
Who here likes movies?
That'd be a fun segue in a stand-up act.
Who likes movies?
There you go.
You get that crowd that's like,
Nuh-uh.
You're like,
You're ripping out your book shit.
That would be the crowd I want, actually.
You know?
There you go.
That's the knowledge I have.
The non-movie loving crowd.
All right, yeah.
You're handicapping yourself
as you think you will lose again tonight.
I actually won last time. I won last time. Really? No, you did not. No, I didn't. I, you think you will lose again tonight. I actually won last time.
I won last time.
Really?
No, you did not.
No, I didn't.
I don't think you won.
No, I didn't.
All right.
But let's go.
Who knows, guys?
Let's go.
You look like a movie guy.
I know, right?
That's the worst part about it.
Yes.
The expectations are so high.
I could see you shooting up the Joker.
The Joker is this really sweet new heroine that's out on the Joker. Duck. The Joker is this really
sweet new heroine
that's out on the market.
Right.
Oh, yeah.
I can totally see you
shooting that up.
I could see Mark
selling it to me.
Yeah.
I like drugs.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
Thank you for being here, dude.
Directly to his left,
it's Taylor Rizzo, everybody.
Hey, guys.
The dab king of, I believe, it's North
America? That's right.
A whole continent.
You'll probably get promoted soon because
you really are the dab king
and you dab everybody out
on my show, Getting Doug with High.
And I said,
hey, you want to dab yourself out
and drive to San Jose?
And you said yes.
Yep, I'm here. I made it.
And I know you also are not the best at the trivia.
Yeah, I'm a real hit or miss.
I wouldn't blame that on the dabs, though, would you?
No, just general bad memory about it.
What's a dab?
A dab is a way to smoke weed.
Oh.
That you just watched us do
no less than 10 minutes ago.
Oh.
Maybe I got a little dab in me.
Mark's over there,
what are you sucking on that thing?
What's going on over there?
I thought it was just a pipe
or a bong or whatever.
You said, is that honey?
And I said, no, those are dabs.
Oh.
Got it.
That's the best way to learn something
is to relearn it immediately.
Then those things actually might stick.
But thanks for being here.
And to his left, it's Mr. Chad Obis.
Yeah. Hello. But thanks for being here. And to his left, it's Mr. Chad Opitz.
Yeah!
Hello.
Good to be here.
Really, you know, kicking ass on this show.
Every time you're on, it's a delight.
You always do somersaults.
I'm not going to ask you to do it on this wooden stage.
I'll do it.
I know you.
That's the thing I love about you is I know you would do it. I don't care. I'll do it. I know you, that's the thing I love about you is I know you would do it. I don't care,
I'll do it.
I know you'd fucking do it.
Oh, man.
I think it's clear
Chad's gonna win.
I don't like it.
Look at that,
that's like trivia face.
You look like
Jack Black
and Leonard Maltin.
It's true, yeah.
I'm fucked.
I was once,
one time someone said
I look like I watched
porn on 35mm
and I was like
that's pretty
that's a dead on roast
right there
a little autofocus
yes
I did a show last night
I was in Bodega Bay
and they don't
do you know
they don't have a movie theater
in Bodega Bay
isn't that insane
they don't have one
they just don't have
a movie theater
in Bodega Bay
because the one
that just showed birds
all the time
got closed down
because people got sick of the movie
Birds.
Isn't Bodega Bay good for anything else?
That was some
Footloose style bullshit.
I think the lighthouse takes place
in Bodega Bay.
That was for me.
All right.
So Chad, yes, thank you
for coming down from the bay.
Is this still considered the bay?
Are we still in the bay?
I think so, yeah.
Thanks for staying in the bay today.
Happy to do so.
Happy to do so.
Okay, cool.
And the gentleman beyond Chad.
Hey, hey, good to be here.
It's Mark Norman, everybody.
Hey, all right.
The Normandolarian.
Yeah, I'll take that.
Yeah, I think that's a good mashup.
I'm worried about this guy right here, sir.
Do you know what this is?
With the white hair? Do you know what's happening to you, sir. Do you know what this is? With the white hair?
Do you know what's happening to you, sir?
Do you know?
Does your family know?
You look like you invented sailing.
Do we have it in writing that you're okay?
I'm a little nervous.
Yeah, we're going to need a release.
We're going to have to have this gentleman sign a release.
Yeah.
How are you doing, Mark?
Good.
Good to be here.
I'm at the competing club that's much smaller.
I'm in Sunnyvale.
Oh, hey, all right.
People love fictional places.
Sunnyvale is one of the best.
It feels like one.
It's like Pleasantville over there.
It's nothing but families and Teslas.
Yeah, and all of the license plates
say Buffy on them.
The waitresses here
are much hotter.
All the Sunnyvale waitresses look like
Chad.
You know, in your travels,
you should jot all this down and then
put out some sort of app or something that's a guide.
Oh, you know, these particular quirks in each of these cities.
I like that.
OK.
What can we call it?
There's definitely people looking for people who look like Chad.
That's for sure.
It's true.
They're out there.
Once this is over, I'm going over there to waitress.
So, you know, he's not wrong. Oh, yeah. There's true. They're out there. Once this is over, I'm going over there to waitress. There you go.
He's not wrong.
Oh, yeah, there's one.
Get her.
Joking.
Comedian.
Oh, no.
That's.
There you go.
We got a hashtag.
That was quick for me.
That was a record hashtag.
Oh, shit. that was quick for me that was a record hashtag oh shit I was just doing a quick eye test
because I was told that there's a clock
that I can look up and see
and yeah you guys all know
you know where it is immediately
but all I get is look right into those lights
and go there's no fucking clock up there
I don't know how to adjust
and now I can see it.
But you still have to really look into the lights
to look at what time it is.
Great place for a clock, definitely.
That's what I'm saying, David.
Should be a little bit over left directly in the light.
Right in, it would be perfect.
Because then you know what time it is,
but it also feels like you're about to be run over
by a semi-perfect.
I've got a semi.
I'll tell you, Doug.
Doug, I've done this show, I don't know, eight times,
and this is definitely the highest I've ever seen you.
Look at you.
You're gone.
You know, it's all in the seating.
It's all in the way down there on the ground
in your tiny little kindergarten cop chair.
Yeah.
Can I get a phone book?
And I'm sitting up here on the Conan the Barbarian throne.
Yeah, I think it's this dab shit.
You're a mess.
I'm pretty sure it's my doing.
No, it's pretty good stuff.
Oh, yeah.
But this is how this part of the show usually goes,
even if I haven't been dabbing.
We just chat and...
It's chill. Get into the prize bag stuff.
What do you got for us, David?
Oh, prizes?
It's time for the prizes?
Yeah.
All right.
Relax, Doug.
Don't get... Sorry to rush you.
Relax.
Look at him.
Same as last time.
I brought a photo that I shot of the one and only Brody Stevens backstage at the Comedy Store.
Sorry, guys. Whatever happened to that guy?
He's right here. Oh, good.
Right there. Brody would
admire that, what he did very much.
Yeah, he would. Brody would think it's funny. Brody champions
anybody who makes it harder on
themselves.
Yeah, so I shot that.
I printed that in the dark room.
You shot Brody?
All right, all right.
Okay, thank you.
Thanks for bringing that.
It's like a movie, but it's a silent movie.
And also, I brought a comic book
from my friend Jeffrey Lewis because i know everyone has
all the movie stuff here so i brought a like an even a silent movie you know a drawn movie whatever
if you don't know jeffrey lewis uh he does like music videos with comic books and calls them low
budget films and uh he's incredible so yeah all right I guess you don't know him. So, if you knew him, you'd be like, yeah, Jeff.
I like to, you know.
Yeah.
I'm a smart guy, just not about movies.
So, yeah, there you go.
Jeffrey Lewis.
There's a comic book that he drew, and I'm giving it back.
These people stink, man.
Ouch.
You don't deserve Jeffrey Lewis.
But he's out there.
He's got a new album.
It came out on Rough Trade.
Check it out.
He paid me 500 bucks to do that.
That is not a good deal for him.
Taylor, what did you bring?
I got a whole bunch of stuff.
I got, let's see, a Getting Doug with High mug.
Yeah!
Recently washed by me.
I got a Getting Doug with High hoodie.
Whoa!
Man!
In my size.
And then I got...
All right, about a year ago, I got obsessed with this video
that claimed that Snowpiercer was the unofficial sequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
I love that.
What? Chad just got hard.
All right, here, I'm just going to give these to Chad.
There you go.
I'll appreciate the payment.
Yeah, you will.
I got one more thing. Let me see if I can get this out.
I think Chad's just heard chocolate and got excited
oh shit uh oh
look out Chad likes chocolate
me and Doug and Jeff Tate got to do the trailer park
boys cruise earlier this year and so I have a
signed poster
this is technically
Jeff Tate's that he let me hold
on to and I'm just giving away so
yes
there you go and that's all Jeff Tate's that he let me hold on to and I'm just giving away. Yes.
There you go.
And that's all.
Follow that, Chad.
Man, they liked his gifts.
Yeah, could you put that all back together?
Give me the whole bag.
Can I take that bag?
Yeah.
Because my bag's already overflowing.
Chad's got a whole bag. I do.
Or did you bring some of your laundry as well?
From Grocery Outlet.
I have a big dog's shirt.
Perfect for the holidays,
for the big dog in your life.
And the back says,
Hulk canine.
Bigger, badder, better,
but I don't wear purple pants.
Why does he hate purple pants?
I don't understand the joke, but it's perfect for the big dog in your life.
Okay.
And then we've got, we've got Snack Pack.
Wow.
Dragon Treasure.
Love a Snack Pack.
What the fuck is that?
Well, this is unlike your normal Snack Pack because it is infused with dragon pack. What the fuck is that? Well, this is unlike your normal snack pack
because it is infused with dragon magic.
What?
It's a snack pack.
Dragon treasure.
There's only five of the six in here
because I had to sample them.
And they come with surprise tattoos.
Okay, so it's a world of adventure.
Oh, Doug got excited.
Get it, get it.
Wow.
I've never seen Doug get up.
There might only be four in there.
One or none.
Yeah.
And I brought an Andrew WK koozie.
Ooh.
Yeah, I'll take that.
Yeah.
And a flock of seagulls cassette tape.
Nice.
Jeffrey Lewis is way better than a flock of seagulls.
All right. There you go.
His hair's not as cool.
Well, we've lost Doug.
He's been entranced by the dragon magic.
Are these suppositories?
What are you supposed to...
It looks like Play-Doh.
Yeah, it does look like Play-Doh.
Which I also eat.
Is this from a weird rack
at a 99-cent store?
The bargain rack at the 99-cent store?
That was 99 cents, so you're not far off.
Yikes.
Was it just on sale at a regular grocery store?
No, it was at the old Grocery Owl at Bargain Market.
A world of adventure.
Even those local references, man.
Damn it.
They've got temporary tattoos.
They've got temporary tattoos.
Oh!
That's what he said.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what he said.
I'll take the swastika.
It's a joke.
I think it's just like a gender-neutral dragon or something.
Yeah, there's two dragons that are saying, hey, dragon power.
Nice.
That's a racist dragon. Then there's another one that are saying, hey, dragon power. Nice. That's a racist dragon.
Then there's another one that's just one dragon, no genitals,
but if it was a dude dragon, I don't know.
It'll take the show's genitals, so you just don't know.
Not the grand dragon, Mark.
Relax.
Okay, chill out.
Oh, okay.
Are you going to eat one of those, Doug?
I don't think so.
I really...
Eat one, Doug.
Eat one. Come on, Doug. They want to see it. Eat one. They want to know what it tastes, Doug? I don't think so. I really... Eat one, Doug. Eat one.
Come on, Doug.
They want to see it.
Eat one.
They want to know what it tastes like.
Throw them out to the audience.
How were they, Chad?
You had one?
Here we go.
Here we go.
What color did you have?
Oh, it was very bad.
He's going for red.
He's going for red.
Get this man a spoon.
You got to just drink it.
Just finger it.
It looks like Gak.
Just finger it. In this light Gak. Just finger it.
In this light, it's getting to be more orange.
It just looks like tomato soup that went bad.
I think somebody froze a miscarriage.
I just enjoy upsetting everyone.
It is that gross.
It's that gross.
Here he goes. Here he goes. Here. It's that gross. Here he goes.
Here he goes.
Here he goes.
Do it.
Oh!
Here he goes.
Yeah!
Is that dabbing?
I'm going in for more.
Yeah!
That's the dragon magic!
Wow. That's the dragon magic. Wow.
That's that dragon magic.
Hmm.
Someone's saying that I have to try the green.
Oh, come on.
We got a show to do.
I'm sorry.
All right, here we go.
He's opening up the green.
He's opening up the green.
Oh, boy.
He's got some energy in the room. Come on, he's opening up the green. He's opening up the green. Oh, boy. How about some energy in the room?
Come on, he's opening up the green.
What's going on in this crowd?
This old guy.
Here he goes.
Here he goes.
Oh, big.
Oh.
There it is.
Bigger, full of green.
This looks like a rock bottom.
You're like, this is like a Hasselhoff moment right here.
Except with Nickelodeon slime.
You know,
the holidays are a really sad time
and I'm just trying to get ahead of it.
It's only
16 days into November after
all, but I am going to
start eating these all day every day.
Wow. Look at that.
Until people have forgotten about me.
What a weird thing.
I know.
It was 99 cents.
I couldn't say no.
It's got the right magic.
It's like we can't figure out a way to get our children to eat their candy.
Can you fake them out and make them think it's yogurt or pudding?
Yeah.
Get a tattoo in there?
It's so gross.
Oh, he's going back for more.
Well, if he keeps the pudding and I keep the koozie, did you bring anything?
I don't think I brought...
Everyone's just getting a big dog shirt, I think.
There's still some packs left.
Like, it's making me kind of sick where I think the only thing that makes me feel better is more of it.
There you go.
Infused with heroin.
Oh my god, that stuff is awful.
Is that the dragon magic? Yeah.
Oh boy.
Yeah, it's kind of taped in there.
Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt your
presentation, Chad. How many more
items? No, that was it.
I know, that was it.
No, that was it.
That was it?
Yeah.
Well, I had the Flock of Seagulls cassette.
He had a lot of stuff. Oh, yeah, the Flock of Seagulls cassette.
You passed the whole thing down?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You were just entranced by that pudding.
I didn't know if you had your own items in there or something, but now I get it.
Thank you very much.
Mark, what do you have for us?
Well, it's going to be tough to follow that dragon cum. But I don't live here, so I had to
improvise. So I got a number 10
from Wendy's. Still warm.
Very good.
I got nuggets. I got a double
stack in here. I think some fries.
I already drank the drink. And then
the gift of Dab over there
gave me this Black Mirror
book, which is a screener for season
three. Collector's item.
It's got the DVD in there,
right? Yeah, there's, I think,
San Junipero. The DVD for that
is in there, and a couple other episodes from that
season. There you go.
Look at that. $2 at Goodwill.
Little did you know, I took the
video out, and I switched it with the
Epstein death. Wait, you know, I took the video out and I switched it with the Epstein death.
Wait, you have a
video of that? I got a video.
I was wondering where that was.
As soon as the audience member will have that video.
Pass it down there,
Chetty. Thank you.
Thank you. That's in there.
Doug,
keep it warm. Yeah.
I almost got a frosty.
Now you have dessert and your main course.
There you go.
All in one here.
Okay.
So there's several bags.
Somebody's going to win several bags.
That's the bottom line here.
Let's get to the interview part of the show, David.
Let's do it. I've been waiting for this part.
It's very exciting.
What was the last movie you saw?
Dark Knight in Aurora?
Mark's fast.
That guy had to have seen other movies
since then. Yeah, probably.
Prison movies.
Go ahead, David.
Alabelle's got a documentary out called Mentally Al,
but I saw The Joker.
Yeah, do it!
You really did?
Yeah.
You don't have to be totally honest, you know.
You could have changed your answer.
Oh, okay, I saw Raspberries, a short film by Ahmed Weinberg.
What?
A Muslim Jew?
Raspberries.
Ahmed Weinberg.
Ahmed Weinberg.
Wow.
It's on Vimeo, so it's good.
Joe Morisi is the lead actor.
I like to stump people.
I go deep.
Yeah, no, that first answer, Joker, that nobody knows what's up with that.
No, I mean, you know.
And then you followed up with Raspberries.
You told me to be honest.
I did watch Joker, though.
I did watch the Joker.
Is it the Joker or Joker?
Joker.
This is some sort of sneaky way of getting to talk about more than one thing.
I just want, I saw this movie and then I have a follow-up question,
but whatever movie
you chose to say.
I saw the real answer.
Well, I did watch
Raspberries,
but it's just a short film
by a friend of mine.
Okay.
Let me ask you
my follow-up question
about that.
Did you think
Joaquin Phoenix
did a good job
in Joker?
Yeah.
All right.
Taylor?
I've been on a... So this is finally settled.
People are arguing about it.
I thought David could settle it
and he did.
Thank you for giving me that power.
Taylor, what was the last movie you saw?
I did a Disney Plus double feature
of Brink and Alley Cat Strike.
Was that two titles you just said?
Oh yeah, the audience knew.
Same again? Brink.
Brink?
The best rollerblade movie ever made.
Okay, that's, you know, it's a tough competition.
There's almost three of them.
And then Alley Cat Strike.
It's true. Brink and Airborne.
And then Alley Cat Strike, which's true. Brink and Airborne. And then Alley Cat Strike,
which is another Disney original about bowling.
So sports movies.
It's interesting you mention that
because you sound like you're in a bowling alley
far, far away or something.
There's something weird about your,
it's extra hot or something.
Hello?
Check.
It just sounds,
hello?
Does it sound okay out there?
Does it sound,
okay, never mind. Thanks, guys.
I'm hot?
They think you sound great.
High? Doug's high.
We've established that one already.
For sure. Like 20 years ago.
Sometimes it's just because of the monitors on the stage.
It sounds bad to us.
It's picking up perfectly fine.
Peas are popping and whatnot.
Yeah, that.
You hear that?
Oh, your peas are popping, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm saying it might be extra hot.
Okay, I don't know those movies.
Chad?
I saw the movie you love, Jojo Rabbit.
Jojo Rabbit, everybody.
It was very good. Oh, it Rabbit, everybody. It was very good.
Oh, it's so good.
It was really good.
I got to see it.
Yeah, it's super.
You love, you'll have a great time.
What does that mean?
Is that a Jew joke?
You'll have a good lighthearted Nazi romp.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's just anybody that's interested in, you know.
Holocaust.
Like, still finding humor in that very dark.
Yeah, that's the whole point of humor.
And, yeah, to keep it alive.
You know, like, I wish, like, somebody had told Mel Gibson's dad
some really good Holocaust jokes.
But they're all jokes that do not deny that it that it happened they're just
jokes about it wow it definitely didn't happen which therefore means it really did happen because
jokes are real um did you answer the question yet mark what's that uh last movie you saw oh uh
i saw a joke but last night i went went with Carlos and saw Ford versus Ferrari.
Very good.
People are impressed that you saw that already.
It's got a little Disney stank on it, but it's good.
Oh, you mean it's wholesome?
Yeah, it's too wholesome.
Yeah, okay.
But Rush was better.
Interesting.
Uh-huh.
Also, not one minority in the movie, by the way. Felt very strange. I brought a Mexican. That was better. Interesting. Also, not one minority in the movie, by the way.
Felt very strange.
I brought a Mexican.
That was it.
You know, let's talk about Jojo Rabbit some more because... It is very...
It's everything you want in a movie, except for...
Well, you know what?
It doesn't have Disney stank on it, but it also...
It's not sexy.
Is it puppets?
I'll say that about it.
I don't get it.
Jojo Rabbit sounds like a character.
No, it's just a nickname given to a child by a hideous Nazi.
Weird.
Yeah.
So I guess there are puppets in it.
The Nazis.
Ah, I see.
Jojo Rabbit.
That's how they talk to him.
Oh, German.
Yeah.
Like they all just came from, they're starring in Cabaret.
Uh-huh.
Wilkommen.
I feel bad for the elderly guy.
He's going to be so confused here.
You're eating pudding pops out of the can.
He's talking about Nazis.
This guy's going to be freaking out.
Sorry, sir.
I'll explain all this later.
By the way, he looks like Roger Stone. Okay.
All right. All right. There's no reason to, you know, Roger's out on bail. He's just trying to enjoy his show. It's not like Weinstein wandered in here. No, I didn't say anything.
Just saying a lookalike.
Alright,
we're having fun. Mark, what would you have said?
I don't think enough comedians got to tell everybody what they would have said
if they looked out in the audience
and saw Harvey Weinstein.
Do you have a good Harvey Weinstein
burn you might have used?
Just probably what's with the plant.
Yeah, right.
Why do you need to jizz in a potted plant?
That would be my move.
Maybe so much showering.
I'm more of a bath guy.
I think you know more about his sexual tendencies
than most of us do.
I'm not sure about what the fuck the plant is.
What's the plant?
Does anyone know?
He jizzed in a potted plant.
You read too much about this guy.
I read an article.
I don't know.
I'm well-versed.
No, I've heard of that as well.
I can back him up on the plant jizz.
Yes.
How many people know what the plant thing is?
Yeah.
See?
Yeah, not a lot.
And they applaud it.
People are for it.
People are like, plants really need that to grow and feel loved.
I didn't know that.
I can show you some stuff.
No, I only heard that he jizzed in pillows
under the blankets.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Really?
Wait, he jizzed in a pillow?
You guys have different sources.
That's a lot of jizz.
Did he fill it?
Yeah, he'd fill up a pillowcase.
What?
And he'd wear it at night.
Man.
Put cut holes in it. Never mind. up a pillowcase. What? And he'd wear it at night. Man. Put cut holes in it.
Never mind.
Maybe that was someone else.
A cloth? A pillowcase?
That might have been someone else.
Oh, he's like the Grand Jizzard.
Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
See, we got somewhere.
Hashtag Grand Jizzard.
That's a good hashtag.
That is a great hashtag.
Hashtag it.
Congrats, Mark. You're going viral on that one. Grand Jizzardag Grand Jizzard. That's a good hashtag. That is a great hashtag. Hashtag it. Congrats, Mark.
You're going viral on that one. Grand Jizzard.
Thank you. Grand Jizzard.
Grand Jizzard.
Yeah, Doug's writing it down.
It's official. It's official.
Grand Jizzard. G-R-A-N-D.
Is that going to be the name of your special, Mark?
That's too good. You've got to keep it. That's you.
You've got to keep that one.
I like it.
The Grand Chiseled.
I almost spelled it with a G.
No, J.
J.
J-R-A-N-D.
Got it.
There you go.
Okay, so.
Show's over now, right?
That was perfect.
Good ending.
All right, let's go.
You know what?
There's other guests standing by if you want to tap.
Oh.
Damn.
Well, I want to get someone's. People are like, who's standing by? you want to tap. Oh. Damn. Well, I want to get someone's...
People are like, who's standing by? Who the fuck?
Louis C.K.
I told him. I was
like, not now, Louis.
Hashtag Grand Jizzard.
His special's the Grand Jizzard.
My bad.
C.K.K.K.
Alright, we're having fun.
That's the important part.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
So I asked you that question.
Oh, real quick.
Do we have time?
I hope we have time.
We're at five.
We're at.
I love impressions, David.
I love them.
Yeah.
Do you do any?
Any impressions?
No.
See, you're getting us right back on schedule.
There you go.
Move over to Taylor.
Have I asked you this before, Taylor?
I don't think so.
Yeah, I just like, you know, it doesn't have to be a great impression, but like...
Oh, now David's back on board.
It doesn't have to be great?
As soon as I say it doesn't have to be great.
I could do Brody.
I could do an impression of Brody.
Okay.
Taylor, what is your...
I'm afraid of what Brody might say
when you're in charge of what Brody's saying.
True.
Yeah.
Taylor?
I can do the judge from My Cousin Vinny.
Oh!
What?
See, that's what we're talking about here.
The kinds of impressions nobody thinks of to do.
There's no reason to really.
But then when you hear it, you're like, that's it.
Yeah, that was good.
I can't wait.
I love that movie.
Yeah, here we go.
Are you ready?
The two what?
Whoa!
The two Utes!
That was a classic Fred Gwynn.
Boy, you're going to get laid after that, buddy.
Holy hell.
That was a talent.
Oh, goodness.
I did not expect that.
That was really good.
I know, Chad, you've been on this show recently.
I've already pestered you about your impressions that you do,
but do you have another one
that you could share
with us?
I have a visual. I can make my
nostrils look like Spider-Man's eyes.
That got a gasp.
I think everyone here
needs to see it regardless.
They don't care about the listeners at this point.
Somebody has to get real close. Oh, you gotta get really close to do it? That They don't care about the listeners at this point. Someone has to get real close.
Oh, you got to get really close to do it?
That's Spider-Man's eyes.
Let me see.
Whoa, you can almost hear the pussy drive.
This is an up-close impression.
Go into the crowd, do it to people close up,
because people are feeling left out at this point.
The audience is all reacting like,
holy shit, his nostrils look like Spider-Man's eyes.
Wow, this is a new low for the show right here.
People are giving it the thumbs up.
Everybody agrees.
Oh, man.
Also, if you look long enough,
you'll see a sailboat.
Dinosaurs.
Sailboat.
Dinosaurs.
The people listening to the podcast love that impression.
Yeah, yeah, seriously.
Yeah, I don't know, Mark.
Do you have anything you can top that with?
I can do a duck.
Oh, okay.
That's good. Doesn't that mean you can probably do a pretty good Donald Duck?
I've tried
I can do the
You know when he's like shake something off
Yeah what else do you need?
That's the best part
Exactly
Oh how about a little Roger Rabbit?
Okay
Yeah Hell yeah I like that Exactly. Oh, how about a little Roger Rabbit? Okay. Please.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
I like that.
Well, that was great.
I'm glad we took the time to do that.
But now it's the part where I say, turn it off, burn, and let the games begin!
Finally!
I hope that's not real loud in people's ears when they're listening to this.
Okay, so people made name tags.
Some are better than others.
Some are just, hey, do you want to pay our bill?
And all you got to pay our bill and
all you got to do gentlemen
do we just point them out or can we go out there
and talk to these people
you don't have to interview them necessarily
I want to talk to them
who's really good at movies
as long as you put your mic down
you can go talk to them all you want
and
while everybody tries to decide
be careful walking on and off the stage while everybody tries to decide, be careful walking on and off the stage.
While everybody tries to figure out who they're going to play for,
we're going to go to a brief commercial message.
That guy with the glasses.
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All right, we're back.
David is still out there.
Oh, my God.
He negotiated, and he's. David is still out there. Oh, my God.
He negotiated, and he's got two or three name tags.
How many do you have?
Two name tags?
And they're going to split the prizes if it comes down to it.
You mean when we win?
I got just super good. No, it was pointed out by someone else on the panel during the break that you're not going to win.
How dare they say.
I got just me, Angie, and Eric.
You got Eric from
Merrick and Psycho
and what's the other one?
Say Angie thing.
Say Angie thing.
It's a painting of a boom box.
That is tight, actually.
It's an actual painted canvas.
Angie, did you paint that?
It says Doug's mixtape on it.
Well done, Angie.
Yay!
If I hold this up, will I?
Yeah, you really did look like John Cusack.
Yeah?
Yeah, John Cusack now.
Who was that a burn on?
I think everybody came out all right.
He's better off dead.
Angie, you don't have your website.
How are people going to buy paintings from you?
You don't even have your website on here.
This is ridiculous.
After.
All right.
She's going to whisper her website to you.
All right.
When we win, we'll be celebrating.
Hailhydra.com.
When we're celebrating at the after party.
This is one crazy summer.
Okay, Taylor, what do you got?
I'm playing for Super Heidi Me.
Oh, clever.
Super Heidi Me.
Mark Norman's on there.
What?
How'd you know?
She just guessed.
Good guess.
He's just in town?
She's like, he's in town.
He's got to come by.
Good reason.
Not so much for those other people.
Yeah, what about me?
Where am I on there?
Yeah.
You're the black one.
Oh, there I am.
Nicole Byer.
You're the pretty black lady.
Yeah, I think the great Nicole Byer made it onto a few name tags here today
because she's headlining here at the club tonight.
She's on this one.
Doug Benson, Nicole Byer,
and Shadow puts in Louie Weapon
3.
Nice, Louie.
I'm peeking through there like Joe Pesci.
Who's Louie?
That's some good photoshopping. Louie Weapon.
Louie made the...
Louie or Louie?
You can't get off the Louie CK thing.
I know. Well, he locked the door.
Not really. And what thing I know, well, he locked the door Not really You look good in this, Doug
Oh, thank you
Look at his hair, holy shit
That's a very good hairdo
Good hairdo, good look
Should grow the back out
That's nice
Oh, yeah
Mark's got Bring Me the Head of Aaron Garcia
Yeah, Aaron
Instead of Alfredo.
Clever.
Very clever.
Well done.
I picked that guy because he looks like he's a virgin.
No.
He looks like he knows his movies.
Applaud if you have Mark, his face on your name tag and he didn't pick you.
Okay.
Oh, there is one.
Oh, that's my aunt. I think that's my name tag and he didn't pick you. Okay. Oh, there is one. Oh, that's my aunt.
I think that's my name tag
who just clapped.
Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
God love you.
Praise Allah.
Alright.
Well, one of these four or five people
is going to win all or half
of the prizes today.
Let's play the game.
Yeah, very exciting.
Got some great games picked out for you guys today.
And we're going to start off with a little something called
How Much Did This Shit Make?
Oh, no.
Haven't played this game in a minute.
This isn't about movies?
It's always exciting to play.
Since Chad, I mean, Chad, Mark about movies. It's always exciting to play. Since Chad,
I mean, Chad,
Mark is upset.
What's the matter?
Well, I wanted some movie trivia.
This is numbers.
Yeah, you don't like numbers.
No.
Oh, you don't like
something like numbers, huh?
Something I'm good at?
No, no.
I mean, I'm autistic,
but I can't fuck with numbers.
You're gonna lose, Norman.
So, like, if it was, if I asked how many dwarves are in that one movie,
do you use a number question?
Seven.
Give me the points.
Give me the points.
Woo!
Ready?
There's no points to give yet, David.
But if you're talking about Bad Santa, it's one.
I answered that right, though.
Whoa, there wasn't seven dwarves?
No, there were, but...
Yeah, give me my pawns!
Turn me into a monster!
Let's go!
Okay, don't do that during the actual games.
Okay, sorry about that.
It was fun leading up to the games.
Okay, let's go.
During the games, they'd be very disruptive.
Wait your turn.
You can rearrange the furniture later.
I just feel like I did get an answer right.
I should get the points.
But whatever, let's go with it.
Was there really any points, really, to get?
It was definitely a question.
Okay, so David won our first game.
Yes!
So that means...
Oh, come on!
That means he gets to go first in this next game
where arguably first isn't the best place to go anyway.
All right.
That's fine.
I'm still ready.
So we'll start with you, and then we'll go to Taylor
because he brought you here,
and then we'll go to Chad.
And Mark, you get a back
clean up down there and you'll know
what to do. Alright, I like the back.
I feel like. Alright.
So Disney Plus just started.
Who's got Disney Plus?
Movies.
These are movies, people. Alright.
It's true.
And one movie that did not
make the cut for Disney+, at least
initially, is that racist
movie, Song of
the South.
Which I honestly
wanted to see, because I
saw it as a child, and
I didn't catch the racism,
and I'm sure it's right there.
And so I just want to see it again from the perspective of understanding
why that movie should never be seen again.
But the question is,
you know, when it came out,
people were not that upset about it.
No.
I mean, white people were fine with it, I guess.
Yeah, it's one of those things.
Is that the black crows?
So how much did it...
That's Dumbo.
Well, that's the thing is on all the cartoons that they have on there,
the Aristocats, Dumbo, a couple others,
they announced at the beginning,
hey, there's some things in this that were, you know...
Culturally inappropriate.
Yes.
That they used.
Yeah, exactly.
They put a little disclaimer in the front.
And then you're watching Aristocats
and these Asian cats
run in and go, we are Siamese
if you please.
It's like, oh no. It's Mark's favorite part.
Oh my god.
Crazy rich Asians.
I should have done that during the impressions
part. I can't believe I saved it
for this discussion about
racism in Disney
movies.
They have the disclaimer on those.
Nobody's really dying to see Song of the South
anyway, I guess.
I know I didn't.
There were animated parts and people
parts, and I thought the people parts were boring
when I was a kid.
The only part I liked was the animated part.
And as far as I know, that part's only kind of racist.
This show could use some animation.
Say what?
Oh, let's keep it rolling.
David, do you have some time to chew on this?
This is the motion picture song of the South.
How much did it make?
Oh, are we converting the money?
No, it's not adjusted for inflation,
but it is according to boxofficemojo.com.
So I'm not going to take the personal blame if somebody's got a different figure.
And are we doing Price is Right rules?
Yeah, are we doing Price is Right? Yeah, are we doing prices right?
Prices right rules apply.
Without going over.
Yikes.
Have you ever seen on there some fool
where they're not even the last bidder
will do the $1 thing
and then the person next to them will go $2?
So I shouldn't say $1.
I shouldn't say $1.
It's rough as fuck.
Yeah, the first person can't say $1.
You got to at least try.
You know what made more than a dollar.
To be honest with you, I'd never heard of this film before.
Just kidding.
I'm going to say $100 million.
Austin Powers.
I've done that.
I'm going to say $100 million.
$100 million.
That's so much money.
How much?
$80 million.
Okay, he says $80 million.
No, no, wait.
I'm going to say $55 million.
I'm going to say $30 million.
$30 million.
$22 million.
$22 million. $30 million. $22 million. $22 million.
What are you doing?
This is real Price is Right style.
Just having an audience guest for us.
Someone knows the exact number.
Do the perfect fit.
Come on.
Be a hero.
It's like you instinctually know what I love in a guest.
Stupidity?
No, I asked the audience to help you out. Oh, I love in a guest. Stupidity? No, ask the audience to help you out.
Oh, I love your audience. They'll keep doing it
in the parts where I would rather they didn't
if you're requesting it.
See what I mean?
Don't ask
them for help. Okay, I won't ask them for help.
I'll never do that again.
Don't encourage them. Later they have to pantomime or whisper. Don't encourage it.
Because later they have to pantomime or whisper.
It gets really weird.
Okay.
Yeah.
I say 22 million.
Is that what I'm saying?
I don't know.
You've said a lot of numbers.
You said 100 million.
A lot of game shows would have gone with that first dumb number you said.
Hey, man, we're not on a lot of game shows right now.
We're on.
Doug loves movies!
They put us in these short chairs
and now we're just acting like kids.
That's what happens.
When my feet touch the ground, it's...
I'll take 50 million.
50 million!
He's going to take 50 million, everybody.
Alright, Taylor.
What's your name again?
David?
Okay.
What do you think, Taylor?
A hundred thousand.
Whoa.
Okay.
So a dollar.
Basically a dollar.
I don't know.
All right, a hundred thousand. That's a dollar. Yeah, it's a modern version of a dollar. That's a dollar, basically a dollar I don't know Alright, 100,000, that's a dollar
Yeah, it's a modern version of a dollar
That's a dollar, yeah
Fair enough
Who's next?
Chad
I'll say 15 million
15, okay
What did you say, Dave?
I'm not gonna tell you what I said, Mark
Go F yourself.
But say 16 million.
16 million.
And then what did you say?
I said 50 million.
I said a bunch of numbers, but I don't even know what Doug put down.
His official answer is 50.
50.
Oh, 50?
I thought it was 22 million, I think.
No, your final answer was 50. Oh, shit. I never it was 22 million, I think. No, your final answer was 50.
Oh, shit.
I never said final answer.
22 million, final answer.
So David said 50, and Taylor said...
100,000?
Oh, so you're more clear about what other people are bidding.
It's because I only had one bid.
True.
It's much easier to remember
It's easier to keep track here
One bid
Chad says 15
Mark
I'm gonna go
One million
Okay
You could have just said
101,000
But whatever
That's true
Be nice
You're a nice guy
I can't add
Alright Yeah Well You know The thing was thousand, but whatever. That's true. Be nice. You're a nice guy. I can't add.
Alright.
The thing was it was a hit motion picture
and tickets
were cheaper for sure,
but it still managed
to make $37.4
million.
I said $22 at one point.
You did. $22
would have been better
for you right now, but
you changed it to 50 at the
end, and Chad
with his 15 is
the winner of that game.
I told you.
I told you to say 16 million
though, Mark. I thought about it.
But there's no points. He's won
nothing except for the honor
just proved a new information about a racist movie yeah he knows the most he's the most racist of
everybody so he gets to go first and uh which may be not even be the best position in this game
true we'll see i like this optimism You're saying I have a chance.
That's great.
I love that optimism.
Let's go.
I do.
I'll let you know
when I don't think
you have a chance anymore
and it's going to be
before it's over.
Thank you.
You're not going all the way
against this crew.
Yeah.
Yeah, look at Mark down there.
This is a game called ABCD's Notes.
Yeah, there we go.
Now we're talking.
Because spelling is fun.
I'll give you a letter
in a sequence of letters
that spell something.
I'll tell you what we're going to spell
in a second.
And then you just name any movie
that begins with that letter.
But if you wrote down,
if you say a movie that I wrote down already then if we match
then you automatically win
and there is a theme
pretty sure
and we're going to start with
Chad
and then go to Mark, and then to David, and then Taylor.
All right.
Chad gets the first letter in.
Oh, we're going to spell.
That's important to say right now.
We're going to spell impeachment.
Oh!
Oh!
We're going to spell impeachment.
Oh!
Hot topic these days, whether you like it or you're for it.
And so I thought it would be fun to spell it.
I'm pretty sure I've always known how to spell it,
but some people might get tripped up on it.
That's not what we're here to do, though.
We're just here to have fun, see if you match,
figure out what I was thinking.
Chad, start us off with a movie, any movie,
and you stay in the game.
But if you match me, you win.
Any movie that begins with the letter I.
Incredible Mr. Limpet.
Yikes.
I like that.
I like it a lot.
I think it's probably The Incredible Mr. Limpet,
but I'm not going to bother to figure that out at this time.
I'm a damn fool.
That, of course, begins with a T.
Oh, are we doing those?
Oh, we sure are.
Oh, shit.
Don't worry about it. There's only one T in impeachment.
It's pretty much going to be over at that point.
I went with a motion picture called In the Loop.
Oh, no.
Okay.
Nice.
Got a nice from the crowd.
No, I got a nice from one guy.
That was great.
Yeah, a nice. That's what I called it. Oh, a nice. the crowd. No, I got a nice from one guy. That was great. Yeah, a nice.
That's what I call it.
Oh, a nice.
One nice.
Nice.
Taylor.
The letter is M.
Wait, we're not going this way anymore?
Okay, Mark.
The letter is M for Mark.
Mars attacks.
Oh, that's a good one. that's a good one That's a good one
I went with man of the year
Oh
Okay now we come over this way
To David
Not on the wavelength of you so far Doug
Gotta admit
Okay but you know you'll figure it out maybe someday
P is the letter
P for David.
People talking loudly in the balcony for some reason.
I asked for a pina colada.
Not a fancy glass full of...
They're almost louder than me now.
That's true.
I'm trying to think of one movie that begins with P.
Does this happen often on your show,
where people get absolutely stumped?
It happened the last time you were on,
and it happened when
Yeah, it happens.
It happens sometimes, alright. Yeah, I'll bring
people out of the audience. Feel free to bully me, I mean, come on.
Sometimes I'll, I'm trying to defend you at this
point, you're just interrupting me.
Oh.
You can't use that. Was that Eric? Was it Eric?
But you know what though? I don't think he was
Giving you an answer
I think he was
Calling you names
I think he was
Calling you Peter Pan
Yes
You'll be played
By a woman in the movie
There's probably like
50 Peter
I will be up and answer
Peter Pan
There's probably
50 Peter movies even
I can't even think of
Tell us your answer
And then fly away
Peter Pan
Do you want to go, Peter Pan.
Do you want to go with Peter Pan?
No.
Good.
You're friends with Jojo Rabbit.
Wow, that's amazing.
It's kind of interesting, actually.
You can't think of one possible thing. What movie were we trying to go see? Don't help him.
He's a fucking dummy. That's true.
Come on. That's true. There's so many.
Give me a hint as well, Doug.
Burn all one. Don't help him,
you guys. No, don't help him. Don't help me.
Don't help him.
We'll edit this part out.
Maybe think of words that begin
with the letter P and any of those
probably are the name of something.
Paranormal activity.
See how that works?
Am I teaching you how to answer questions?
That was insane, Doug.
That was insane.
All I was thinking was how boring that was for everyone listening.
That was nuts.
Fuck, it's never happened to me.
I was really frozen. I was like,
ah, pee, what's a word?
No, but you did it.
Paranormal activities.
That was like a scene out of the King's Speech.
Yeah, it was.
You are a great coach, Doug.
You're a great coach.
A scene where the wife has had enough.
That scene.
Okay, so you did it. No, it wife has had enough. That scene.
Okay, so... Was that the movie?
You did it.
No, it wasn't a match.
Holy shit.
I wouldn't be sitting here
this casually
if we had just matched
on that paranormal activity.
Damn it.
I went with Primary Colors.
Fuck!
I was thinking about that one,
but I just couldn't remember it.
The next letter,
that goes to Taylor.
E.
I don't know what your theme is, so I'm just going to say ever after.
It kind of fits in the...
Well, then I really don't know what your theme is.
I went with election.
Oh.
I got you.
Yeah, somebody in the audience said it.
Smarty pants.
A is the next letter, Chad.
All the president's men?
That is the match.
That is the match.
He did it.
The audience wants a somersault, Chad.
Wow.
There it is.
There it is.
Whoa.
Wow.
And a cartwheel.
Holy hell.
Son of a bitch.
How are you going to top yourself When you win this whole thing today
Suicide
Oh no
That plus the nostrils
You'll kill the state fair
I don't know though
I think you'd be a fun ghost
For this theater to have
Yeah
Did you feel the breeze of a chubby man Somersaulting by us Yeah you'd be a fun ghost for this theater to have.
Did you feel the breeze of a chubby man somersaulting by us?
Yeah, I think that'd be
really fun.
Okay, here's the fun game.
I'm going to say the next letter and everybody
yell out what you think it's going to be.
C.
C.
Charlie Wilson's War. That's correct. That was a lot less guesses than I expected. H. Nobody's going to get it. M. It's the Manchurian Candidate. Mr. Smith
Goes to Washington. That's correct. E. E is another stupid one. N.
N.
Nixon.
Nixon is it.
Nixon.
T.
The American President?
The Majority Candidate.
The guy out there that listened.
Come on.
Well, that was exciting.
Riveting.
That was super duper fun.
And the theme was assholes.
The themes of the movies were you see assholes.
That's it.
No, it was just, I just, you know, wrote on Wikipedia political movies.
And some letters were tough.
Like E, I had to go with Enron the smartest guys in the room
mmm
yeah not Enron 2
we did it again
is that
a thing
and then oh for H
another tough one but a documentary
a groundbreaking documentary
Harlan County USA
Harlan Williams Harlan County, USA. Oh, yikes.
Harlan Williams?
Harlan Williams, USA.
Yeah, it covers all of his movies from Rocket Man to...
Dumb and Dumber.
Something About Mary.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they don't talk about Dumb and Dumber in it.
Because he's still mad to this day because he really did drink a bottle full of pee.
Did he?
Yeah, Jim Carrey really peed in that bottle.
Whoa!
Fun, a little Easter egg there, Doug.
Oh, no.
Wait, did I just make that up?
Scoundrel.
Ouch.
He wouldn't give me a straight answer when I asked him about it, though.
He insists it wasn't pee, but...
We all know.
You see that face he makes.
Did you guys see it?
He did it.
Another impression.
Another impression Mark does.
It's no Spider-Man
nostril.
Make that noise into the microphone, though, that Harlan makes.
What are you, sipping on Grandpa's old cough medicine?
Pull over! It's a cardigan.
But thanks for asking.
I'm just doing the whole movie now.
I love it.
Remember when Jim Carrey was sane?
Those were good times.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
But that Jim and Andy doc was a real
bummer.
Yeah, I keep meaning to watch it, but I think it'll make me sad.
Yeah, it's pretty sad.
Yeah, I
didn't get what was going on
with him then, but I get what's going on now because he's painting.
Yeah, always a red flag.
Hitler.
He's found something that he can just do and it doesn't bother anybody.
Where's Jim? Oh, he's over there painting.
Right.
Before that, it's like, where's Jim?
Oh, these penguins are all gonna die if we don't
finish this
fucking movie. It's either that or
the number 23.
Oof.
We're not here
to take down Jim Carrey's
filmography. Oh, sorry. No, I'm a fan.
Me too.
Hashtag. Yeah.
This is what fans do Sonic what?
He's in Sonic?
He is?
Like as a person?
The restaurant?
Yeah
Yeah he's gonna be in the back seat
With those two guys
In Sonic ads
By the way
When are they gonna fuck?
If it's not each other, then never.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Because they spend all their time together.
Right.
He had one where one of them's mom was in the back seat.
What?
Yeah, so that's probably what's holding them back.
They need to drive to a Sonic in another state.
Right.
Get some chili dogs and then get it on.
Is that what they sell there, chili dogs?
Yeah, yeah.
Slushies, tater tots.
Yeah, it's good, right?
Solid.
They used to be on roller skates, but those were different times.
I was somewhere recently where someone was on roller skates.
Skating rink?
That's it.
That's it.
Thank you.
That's it That's it
Thank you
Boogie Nights?
I was watching Boogie Nights
There you go
I was going deep in the
After I saw The Exorcist
I just wanted more of her
Heather Graham?
No
Oh
I was thinking Roller Boogie
You're thinking You said Boogie Nights Oh yeah was thinking Roller Boogie. You're thinking, you said Boogie Nights.
Oh, yeah.
What's Roller Boogie?
Roller Boogie is the girl from The Exorcist,
grows up to become a Roller Boogie, Linda Blair, that's her name.
Linda Blair?
Roller Babies.
Yeah.
Solar Babies.
Get the fuck out of here.
There was Prayer for the Roller Boys and Solar Babies Get the fuck out of here. There was prayer for the roller boys and solar babies around the same time,
and they both sucked so much that neither one of them were successful.
No roller baby?
There was no roller baby?
What are you saying?
I don't think there was something just called roller babies.
It was a roller abortion.
Uh-oh, you got the groan, Norman.
You're out. Wasn't a bad line. You got the groan, Norman. You're out.
Wasn't a bad line.
You got the groan out.
Scrubs.
Square.
Okay.
It's time to get serious.
I like that they just yelled out the roller movies that they liked, though.
You know, they're just like.
Roller, baby!
That was cool.
They left out some, too.
Nobody said roll bounce.
Oh.
That's a good one.
Whip it, roller ball.
What's the one in the wheelchair?
Murder ball.
Who says I want it?
Never mind.
We did pretty good with those.
It's not a huge category.
No, not a very big one.
Unless you really branch off into
anything where somebody skates for any reason.
You said there were only three Rollerblade movies,
but we just named like ten of them.
Oh, those were quads.
Zing, I was fighting words.
Those are quads.
And Brink is at the top.
Oh.
You're not getting any points for that.
Why are you guys backing me so hard on this?
They love a good zing.
Oh, fucking break.
That's what I've never heard of that one, but I'm looking into it.
I'll let you borrow the DVD if you'd like.
Yeah, okay.
I feel like we've got to get back to the game.
Yeah.
The thing is, the clock has been stuck on 538 for quite a while now.
That's just the weed.
No, don't tease me like that.
Okay.
So it's time to play last man or woman Stanton.
Stanton.
And this is, yeah, that's right.
And this is, yeah, that's right.
Do whatever you need to do to prepare for this intense matchup.
Taylor's got a notepad.
Is that legal?
It's, you know, it's something we allow. We don't encourage it.
What about Google?
I have two partners.
I have two partners.
You can also be asked to be reminded from time to time.
Polyamorous.
And yeah, that does become kind of unfair that you have two different people that are
going to answer for you.
That's fine.
Who are your two people?
What are their names?
Eric.
Over here.
Mainly Eric.
I'm looking.
Come on.
Eric and who?
Angie's out there somewhere.
Where's Angie?
Oh, Angie's up there.
I'm looking down here.
You're in the cheap seats.
All right, Angie.
All right.
Let's see.
Angie and Eric.
Okay.
Let's bring them on stage with me, Doug. Shut the fuck up, David.
It's not how it works. You can only
go to one of them once, and
I'm going to pick which one right now.
Oh, wait a second.
Wait a second.
You picked two name tags, which is
that's why we have a problem now.
You don't get to have two people thinking for you.
That's right.
All right, never mind.
No one's with me on this one.
Do what you got to do, Doug.
They like you.
Forget it.
Oh, my God, dude.
Whoa, everybody really wants it to be Angie.
Does she work here?
Angie.
Angie.
Angie, if we lose, you're fucked, though. You know what I mean? Like, it's, oh, he's it to be Angie. Does she work here? Angie, Angie, Angie.
Angie, if we lose, you're fucked, though.
You know what I mean?
Oh, he's going to fist you.
That's what he did.
I don't know.
Don't even talk like that.
I know.
Okay, I'm sorry. Don't even say things like that, because there's no way you're going to win.
I know.
I know.
So, are you okay with that, Eric?
Okay, you're still going to get half of all this garbage up here.
Yeah, Eric!
Yeah.
All right, Angie, it's me and you.
I think everybody's safe.
All right, so Chad won that second game,
so we're going to start with Chad,
and we're going to flip the order around.
So, now it's going to go Chad, Taylorlor david you can go to your mark you can go
to your lifeline uh once and only once david and that's the only person in the audience whose help
you can get all right just that one time you're gonna go to and i get it dog i'm gonna lose
i'm used i'm used to it i I was stressing more how the game works,
not really how you were going to do in it.
You're going to lose.
What movie?
I'll embrace it, though.
Thank you.
Was that Angie?
Angie sucks.
What movie was it from?
You're going to lose.? You're gonna lose.
You're gonna lose.
You stink.
League of Their Own.
Stillwell, the fat blonde kid.
Sure.
Sounds great.
That's the only movie I've ever seen.
Okay.
One Time got it.
What?
Angie.
Good song Eric
Oh it's Eric?
No I'm just saying
Clapton
What do you think
There see I thought you had something on there
Oh yeah
You've always got those quick things to say about people
Eric the Red
Based on just their first name
See how you just came up with another one already
Where is Little Green Ween?
Little Green Ween.
Little Green Ween.
Hey, dude.
What's your given name?
Andrew.
Andrew.
Okay, Andrew.
You wrote to me on Twitter with the name Little Green Ween,
and I wondered about it.
What do you have to say for yourself?
Is that your last name?
Green Ween?
Huh?
I have a tattoo of a green ween around my arm.
He's got a tattoo of a green ween around his arm.
Prove it!
So his Twitter name is Little Green Ween.
Let's see it.
Take your shirt off.
No one wants to see that. Come on!
Take it off.
They have rules here in San Jose.
She's about to divorce him.
The pants have to come off as well.
Yes, so we can see the white wiener.
There's no partial stripping allowed here.
Get the phones out.
I love this.
All right, it's coming out.
Oh, and he's got his shirt underneath that.
Oh, the wife is upset.
Here we go.
That is a small green ween.
Now let's see the white ween.
Also small.
That's what I heard Very little
Very little
Tiny little
Green
White
What do you call the area in between?
That's called the taint
I call it the tween when it's between
Anyway
Uh oh
Oh Andrew Uh-oh. Oh.
Andrew.
So high.
It's a real chicken or the egg when somebody says,
oh, I have that name because I have this tattoo.
Ah.
Right?
It still doesn't answer
the question, why do you have that name?
Or, why do you have that tattoo?
So, Andrew, what's your
suggestion, though, today for
this game that we have only a few
minutes left to play?
Keanu Reeves.
That's a good one.
Age-appropriate girlfriend.
Okay. Oh, that's a good one. Age Appropriate Girlfriend. That's his best movie.
All right, Chadwick Boseman.
All right.
You think that would be successful, that a movie called that?
Would people want to see that?
Age Appropriate Girlfriend.
Age Appropriate Girlfriend Age-appropriate girlfriend.
That's so smart.
Okay, so
I said we're going to start with Chad.
I'm going to play too,
so don't go racing past me
when it's my turn.
We're coming this way.
Which way? That way, yeah.
I'm going point break.
Point break, he says.
He is not an FBI agent.
When, in fact, he is an FBI agent when he says that.
Utah.
Yeah, but that's where the whole movie takes place.
Good surfing out there.
Taylor?
I'm going to go with John Wick.
Oh!
Say your one.
That opens up quite a little box.
You just opened a box of Wick ass.
Yeah.
Chris Hardwick.
All right, David.
You got this.
Any film featuring the great Keanu Reeves.
How many does he have, by the way?
Any idea?
If I had an idea, I would tell it to you.
Over 20?
Yes.
Yes.
We got it with the light.
50?
The Matrix.
Very good.
I can't believe you did it.
I can't either.
It's my turn.
I'm going to say...
You're playing?
Oh, yeah.
You missed that part.
Shit.
Let me get this done quick.
I'm going to go with...
Something's got to give.
All right.
Why are you sitting like you got molested?
I'm going to...
Because something did give.
No, I'm just weirdly holding my beverage.
Oh, that's what it is.
I see.
All right, your turn.
I'm going to go with Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Okay, we're getting into a tricky area here, Chad.
I'm going John Wick 2.
What was it?
John Wick 2.
Okay, see, people are already yelling.
You've got to get the accurate title of the film.
That's not the full title.
These will surprise you sometimes.
You might want to move on to something else or get help from your life.
Can I move on to something else?
Yeah, you can move on to something else.
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.
Nice. Good save.
You saved it.
Taylor? Matrix Reloaded.
That was mine.
That's what I was going to say.
I was sitting on that puppy.
Oh, shit, David.
That was my destiny.
You're already out of ideas, David?
Well, I feel like he's been in other Kevin Smith movies.
That's what you feel like?
But, no.
Other ones in addition to which one?
Oh.
Oh, he didn't do Bill and Ted's?
Never mind, all right.
Oh, he didn't do Bill and Ted's?
Never mind, all right.
I feel like he's been in Kevin Smith movies, maybe.
Oh, I see.
No.
Am I wrong?
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Of course.
Angie.
Angie!
What do you got?
Destination Wedding.
Destination Wedding?
Wow.
Is that real?
Okay.
All right.
Well done, Ange.
Was it well done?
I don't know that one.
Huh?
Yeah?
Kept you in the game. Okay, I'll take that one.
Thank you.
Take it.
Take it and enjoy it.
And I'll cheat.
I'll look at Eric.
It's my turn.
Mouth.
Right?
Yes.
Toy Story 4
Oh
I didn't know about that
I didn't know there was a Toy Story 4
Oh yeah
I'm gonna go with The Lake House
The Lake House
Very good
I know where Chad's going now.
Matrix Revolution.
Yes, I knew it.
Nicely done, Chad.
I know what Taylor's going to do.
I don't think you do.
Lifeline?
No, I'm going to go with The Replacements.
Oh!
I did not know that.
Gene Hackman.
I didn't know you had stuff on your notepad.
Not anymore.
All right, David.
Big Dave.
Oh, I just thought of one.
Oh, and another one.
And another one.
Well, you can give me a hint.
It's your show.
I'm like DJ Khaled over here.
Another one.
Drop it down.
You can give me a hint.
It's your show.
You're allowed.
Okay. It could be funny. Let me give you a hint. His's your show. You're allowed. Okay.
Could be funny.
Let me give you a hint.
His initials are K-R.
Yeah.
Keanu Reeves.
Come on.
He.
Oh, yeah.
Point break two.
There is an answer.
One of the answers is in the last couple sentences I spoke.
Oh, come on.
Can you hand me a snack pack?
Just run it back.
What did I just say?
His initials are KT.
What are we doing here?
Oh, come on, Mark.
Treat him like a special needs kid.
Let me run the touchdown, Mark.
Let me run the touchdown for once. You think there's no such thing as a special needs adult? Just let me run the touchdown, Mark. Let me run the touchdown for once.
You think there's no such thing as a special needs adult?
Just let me run the touchdown, Mark.
Good point.
It's a lot easier.
But yeah, do you have any final words?
That, you know...
You just seen a movie that stars Keanu. Oh has Keanu in it for a brief amount of time.
Keanu, that's my answer.
He wasn't in that.
He is briefly.
He played the cat.
I know, I know.
All right.
You're up there, Dougie Fresh.
Stop hating, Mark.
Stop hating.
I'm trying to get this cooking here.
Stop it.
I'm going to go as fast as I want.
Speed.
Oh, well played, Fatty.
All right.
I'm going to say Parenthood.
Nice.
Nice pull.
Nice pull.
Is it John Wick Chapter 2?
Yeah.
Nice. Nice, Chad. Chapter 2? Yeah. Nice.
Nice, Chad.
You remember it.
Oh, yeah.
It's a book.
It's a book and a movie.
What do you got, notepad?
What did you scribble down there, notepad?
Constantine?
Yes.
Well done.
I was real unsure about that one.
Damn!
All right, it's official.
You did way better than me.
Good to have you back, Taylor.
All right, Dave.
I don't even smoke weed, by the way.
Just a general announcement.
I don't even smoke weed.
Can I say this real quick?
No.
I felt like a laxative ad.
Go, David.
See, how do you like it when somebody just says go?
I don't have anything.
You don't even know what to do.
Yeah, I'm done.
I think that's it.
All right.
That's it for you.
I mean, Eric won't keep with me.
You can still hang out.
I'm trying to get Eric to at least...
You can hang out.
Just Eric.
Do your plugs at the end.
Oh, can I phone a friend?
No.
Okay, I'm out. no okay no we gotta wrap this
thing up we're gonna we're we're tight on time but it's we've had a great time everybody's loved it
i'm not stalling you guys i'm not stalling i just feel like
i feel like i'm so close to the answer but i I'm just right there on the river's edge.
I'm going to go gay here and pull out a real crazy rich Asian.
He makes a cameo.
Does he?
No, that's the wrong movie that has an Asian in it.
Is it a...
I don't know.
Huh?
Yeah.
I think he's in that.
Do you want to go to your lifeline or change it up?
I think he's in it.
No, he's not.
You're thinking of something else
that we can tell you about later.
Oh, I know what it is.
The Ali Wong flick.
That's what some people call it.
Mostly the people that also call it
Crazy Rich Asians.
Damn it.
Well,
I meant to say Enter the Dragon.
No.
All right.
I'm stepping back with Raising Minnesota.
Feeling, feeling, feeling Minnesota.
Feeling Minnesota is correct.
Good Lord.
Take it, take it.
All right.
That's enough.
That's enough.
Put that in the gift bag, Mark.
Jesus.
I'm trying to fill a pillowcase.
Oh, my God.
All right, so.
No one will get this listening at home.
No one gets it sitting right here.
That's a good point.
What is happening?
What's going on?
All right, so...
Hardball.
Oh, wow!
Well played.
Look at him go.
Look at him go.
Where'd this kid come from?
San Francisco.
What's yours, Taylor?
Oh, man.
Did you write it down there?
Speed 2?
No.
He's not in that?
No, it's Jason Patrick.
Plus it's got a longer title.
Can I say the other one that I have written down?
You could try, sure.
The Day the Earth Stood Still?
Yeah, that's right.
You still haven't gone to your lifeline?
No.
Taylor Rizzo is doing pretty good.
All right.
I'm going to have to go with...
What's that one where he's like...
Oh... Just keep doing that for a while.
It's not going to help.
Oh, I got one.
Oh, Mark's got one.
All right, I'm going to tap.
Go ahead, Mark.
Chain reaction.
Yes.
That was for you, Aaron.
I love you Chad
Can I guess the one he didn't get?
Huh?
Always be my baby
Always be my baby
I couldn't fucking think
Always be my baby
That's racist
Just clogging my noggin
Okay go ahead there
Taylor
I gotta go to my lifeline
Taylor's lifeline
The devil's advocate
The devil's advocate Thank. Oh! The Devil's Advocate.
Thank you.
Damn.
Wonderful work over there.
That's a real lifesaver.
Is it me?
D&D are out.
Mark is still...
Oh, Mark.
Oh, you're out?
I'm out, yeah.
Shit.
I jumped out because we got to wrap it up.
All right.
I'm going to go to my guy here.
Graham Stoker's Dracula. Oh!. Bram Stoker's Dracula.
Oh!
Bram Stoker's Dracula.
Nice.
Chad, Chad.
John Wick Chapter 3 Parabellum.
Yes.
Yes.
Is he a voice in Cars?
No.
I'm out.
Good try, though.
Mark.
I'm going to go with Hamlet.
Oh, shit.
I think it's the wrong Shakespeare.
I said too much.
Merchant of Venice.
Othello.
Keep going, keep going.
This is a fun game.
Do you know it, Chad?
Romeo and Juliet.
You know it?
Much Ado About Nothing.
Chad is our winner.
That's not how I intended it to end, but there you have it.
Find us all on social media We gotta go
We don't have time for plugs even
MarkNormanComedy.com
Yeah, MarkNormanComedy.com
Chad Opus on Twitter
Rizzo Rizzo
David Deary
Go see David at the Comedy Store
Enjoy red and green pudding
Or whatever that is
whenever you get a chance. Thank you, San
Jose Improv. Thank you guys
for being here.
I'll be outside in a minute selling those
pins hanging out.
What?
What Keanu do we miss?
What? Oh, we missed
a ton of them.
Yeah. Go ahead and play the theme song.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes on both his view and cowards make him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.
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