Doug Loves Movies - Dustin Ybarra, Chris Cubas and "Mark Wahlberg" guest
Episode Date: October 3, 2016Live from Hyena's in Dallas, Doug welcomes Dustin Ybarra, Chris Cubas and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https:...//art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screening baby sticky seeds
With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Bobo's Movies!
I should start measuring these
because I think that was
the loudest ever.
Coming to you once again
from Hyena's Comedy Club
in Mockingbird Station.
I like pointing out that we're in a train station
in Dallas, Texas!
I'm already feeling bad for this lady
who's just going to see the back of one of my guests
and no one else.
Did you think you had a great seat
when they put you there?
So what we'll do is when my guests come out,
we'll all push back further against the wall.
I think that for whatever reason,
they didn't put the chairs as far back as they could.
And then at least you'll be able to maybe see...
Probably not, but...
Might be better.
We'll see when they get out here.
It's Saturday, October 1st,
2016 at 420-ish.
Name tags much,
Dallas? I knew that
you could. I knew that
you would. Everything's bigger in Texas.
Got some
big-ass name tags. I see a Deadpool
over there that's pretty big.
Chris Chris Bang Bang.
I've seen that one before. Never?
Alright, it's just because
it's got my face on it, that's why.
What's this little thing you're holding up
right here? What's your tiny name tag?
The Hunts Adam
Dusty Barrens War.
Okay, I don't know what's going on there.
You got the smallest thing,
and then you also have fun-sized candy bars dangling from it.
Very creative.
Allison in Wonderland, very good.
March of the Gene-guins.
She's got a bunch of cute penguins.
I want to pet them.
She's got a bunch of cute penguins.
I want to pet them.
See no Steve-el, hear no Steve-el.
Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy.
What's your name?
What? Taylor?
It's going to feel bad for you if your name was one of those other three words.
Hello, my name is Spy.
Oh, okay, young lady.
Thank you to everyone for bringing name tags,
and of course those will pop up again in a little bit.
What's that big round thing?
Biodominique?
Biodominique?
Squeak that one in there I was done with the name tags
but it caught my eye
Doug Bluggs, Doug Loves Movies is back
at the Wilbur Theater in Boston next Saturday
at 420 Charlotte, October
2015, Tacoma, October
22nd, San Francisco, October
27th, and the Now Here This
Festival in Anaheim, California
on Saturday, October
29th. Douglovesmovies.com
for all my dates, deets, and links.
That's Douglovesmovies.com.
I brought some prizes in the prize bag.
It's in a
lovely bag that they gave me at Fantastic
Fest, and inside it It's in a lovely bag that they gave me at Fantastic Fest.
And inside it, some stuff that I've got in Fantastic Fest and elsewhere.
A Phil Bill Volume 1 comic book, coloring book.
I always call it a comic book, but it's a coloring book.
And lots of, not lots, but a few sausage party items.
A lovely, I think Selma Hayek played a taco in sausage parties. This is a little taco that it doesn't, you can't really fuck it, but maybe you can if you're ingenuitous.
If you've got ingenuity.
Look at this shirt.
Some guy gave me a shirt that says,
want a screw?
And then the punchline is that it's a surgical,
some sort of surgical tools company.
So, okay.
Gave me a couple of those.
I want to start begging people to stop giving me things
for the prize bag,
because it's already plenty of stuff every time.
Oh, here's a sausage party shirt.
It's kind of a tank top, I guess.
So that's sexy.
What does it say? What are you laughing at?
Sun's out, buns out.
Oh, sausage party.
Here's another crazy-ass shirt.
You guys, you're going to have shirts for days.
The winner today.
This is from, this says Sony Digital Cinema 4K.
And it's like a Izod shirt.
And it's a polo shirt, and it's black,
and I say, throw this on, and then cruise into
the projection booth at your local theater.
Say you're there to fix some shit.
Ask for some nachos and just watch
from the projection booth.
And just keeps going.
A koozie that says something on it don't need to promote that anymore a
peacemaker pipe only been used once a doug loves movies christmas tree ornament it's never too
early for that shit and everything that my guests brought today. Are you ready to meet my guests?
I can honestly say that these are three of my favorite Douglas Movies guests.
Please give a big, warm welcome to Chris Cubis, Dustin Ibarra, and Mark Wahlberg. Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh, man.
All right, a couple of things.
Mark and Dustin, switch seats.
And do you want to do a mic drop to switch seats?
And then... Oh, man.
Could all three of you just stand up and push your stool
so that it's against the wall?
Because I feel bad for that lady sitting right there
that can't see shit.
And we'll see if that helps a little bit.
You get to touch Mark Wahlberg.
She doesn't get to, she has to.
It's in his rider.
Just put your hand in his lap for the entire show.
I didn't think you'd really do it.
Let's meet them
individually, headlining all
weekend here at Hyenas. It's
Dustin Ibarra, everybody.
Hello!
Hello!
Hello, everyone!
I am Dustin. How's it going, dude? You having a fun weekend? It's going good, man. It's going really great. I heard like your mom's
is coming tonight. My mom is coming tonight. She's bringing her church friends. Oh, fuck.
I know because I say that word and lots of other things. Oh, I say fuck. I know, because I say that word. And lots of other things, right?
I say fuck, I say pussy sometimes, and I'm nervous.
I saw her on Facebook.
She was chatting with a friend of hers.
I bet you say some of those two words in the same sentence.
Like, fuck that up.
Fucking pussy.
You know it.
Yeah, but she's like, her friend was like, can I come?
And she's like, well, he gets raunchy,
but we can just go to the bathroom during that part.
So there's going to be an exodus whenever I start laying the books.
Like you're less raunchy when they're in their, you know,
in that restroom right there taking a dump.
You can hear the show in the restroom, right?
I know, but they'll be praying, so it's cool.
They'll drown it out with God, so that's good.
Fair enough.
Chris Cubis is here, everybody.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
I'm gonna fuck that taco.
That's how the show ends.
You might want to go to the bathroom at some point
because I'm fucking that taco.
It was a callback. I didn't...
I'm not gonna fuck the taco, you guys.
It's called a joke.
My mom would not approve of that one.
We went to Hyena's. All they talked about
was taco fucking.
What if that was just my whole act?
Chris Taco Fucker Cubist is back at Hyena's.
Someone does that in Idaho.
There's a comic up there.
He's got taco fucking on lockdown.
That's already a great hashtag for this episode, though.
Hashtag Taco Fucker.
And Mark Wahlberg is here.
He was with us yesterday
in Houston,
which none of you have heard yet,
but it's going to come out today or tomorrow.
And then I
said, do you want to go to Dallas?
And he's, what did you say, Mark?
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
And I was like, Mark, it's just me asking you a question.
I'm just a man standing in front of another man.
Why are you here?
Because Donnie's lost.
He's like, last time I heard from him,
he was in Lubbock.
And I was like, fucking stay there, dude.
So until he figures out how to get here,
because I'm done helping him,
and he lost his MapQuest directions
that he printed out,
you guys got lucky. You're welcome.
I knew there was a good reason.
So congratulations, Mark, because you
are the star of
the number two movie in the country right now.
Called The United States of America. I'm the star of the number two movie in the country right now called The United States of America.
I'm the star of that.
Well, no, you're actually
in a movie called Deepwater Horizon
that finished
number two yesterday
at the box office on its opening day.
That shit's 81%
right now on Rotten Tomatoes.
But Miss Peregrine's
school for oddballs and fuckwits
is somehow beating the story of the G.P. spill.
I don't know how that's possible.
I mean, how many more fucking movies
can they make about weird kids?
X-Men, Angus, we get it.
That's a deep well.
So deep.
We should do that in How High Can You Get?
That should be a topic.
Movies with fucking kids in them.
Fucking kids.
I have not seen any movies with kid fucking in them.
What did you say?
I got confused.
Just kids.
Oh, okay, with kids.
We did kids movies once but sam levine complained
that he doesn't know children's films and then i pointed out everyone knows wizard of oz you idiot
sam levine fucking sam i saw dude i saw him at an audition the other day man
we went in for the same thing and he's like we're up for the same part i don't even know what
happened i don't know
if they were high when they were casting let's get this fucking pothead looking dude sam levine
was it just an audition based on height is that the only reason i think so dude we like but i
remember we were there and like they put us outside and sam was like hey can we get some
shade and i'm like oh whoa sam throwing around some power right now, man.
It was awesome.
No, that's just Jewish whining.
I was like, Mr. Showbiz, this is crazy.
Did they bring in some shade for Mr. Levine?
They did, and I want to find out if he got the part,
because that would have been funny.
I'd be like, oh, I've got to do power moves like that.
They're like, if we cast Sam,
we're going to have to keep him shaded through the entire shoot.
The guy's a prima donna.
I was nervous.
No.
He's cool.
He'll be back on the show soon.
I got to ask everybody what you brought for the old prize bag.
Who wants to go first?
I'll go just so I can get the shit out of my hands.
That's why I thought of it, because you're
trying to hold your drink and your prizes.
I got a
Doctor Who Dalek
mug, so if you're a nerd
and you want to wake up in the morning, you put your coffee in that.
And then I got
maybe one of the best albums of all time,
The Return of Bruno
by Bruce Willis
on cassette,
because that did not come out on CD.
That was never available on CD.
It's one of the greatest albums on cassette.
Thank you.
There we go.
Yeah, if you want to just sing
the Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler song,
I'm assuming that's on both sides of that cassette.
I forgot about that.
Seagram's golden wine
coolers. They're fresh
and they're cool.
I get my Bruno fan club mailer every month.
It reminds me
what song he sang.
What do you got for the bag, Mark?
I get sent shit all the fucking time
because there's one thing rich people need.
It's free stuff.
So I brought a Jack Daniels portable
Bluetooth speaker by JBL.
Sounds like a nice item.
Yeah, I figured a normal person
needs something nice.
Dusted? something nice. Dustin?
Yes, well, I got a flask, but it's a camouflage flask.
Where is it? Where is it?
There's a lot of rednecks and alcoholics in Dallas,
so someone will appreciate this.
And I also have this thing.
Check, this is weird.
Dude, it was instant photo series.
It's a color filter for your phone,
but I think these came out before Instagram did.
So you can see the mark.
It started $18.99, and it went all the way down to $1.99.
Dude, it's a trip, so have fun with that.
And then I have a T-shirt that I heart nuggets T-shirt.
You heart what?
It's a, I heart nuggets.
Like weed nuggets?
Yes, that can be it too, yeah.
Do you need that bag?
No, no, you guys want Urban Outfitters?
And he's also brought a lovely bag from Urban Outfitters.
So we've got two bags full of prizes.
Thanks for bringing all that stuff, guys.
Yeah, go ahead and shove that in there.
Go ahead and shove that in there is another thing
that's going to make Dustin's mom go to the bathroom.
Oh, man, she's crying right now.
I want everybody here to come back to that show. Yeah. Oh, man, she's crying right now.
I want everybody here to come back to that show.
Yeah.
Oh, that would be great if you guys did, yeah.
You bastards, you're not gonna.
God, I know, my dad left when I was 10.
You guys aren't coming to that show, okay?
I know the look when someone's not coming back, okay?
Really? Because I know the look of people who not coming back, okay? Really?
Because I know the look of people who have Deepwater Horizon tickets.
That's what they're fucking going to do.
Damn it.
Why do I got to compete with such a monstrous, awesome movie?
It's not fair.
Also, the theater next door is not playing that movie,
so if anybody wants to go help me fucking tear that place down when this is done...
Fuck their all-consuming anti-college documentary. Where the fuck
they're playing out there?
Oh no, riot at the
Art House Cinema
at Marking Bird Station.
What'd you say?
I said
Marking Bird Station. Oh, cool.
That's where we are right now
If you need to tell anybody about which train stop to use
Muckymerks?
Muckybird
Okay
Bird
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Alright the question I always ask everybody Are you ready Dustin? Yep Last movie you saw Yeah. Yeah. All right.
The question I always ask everybody.
Are you ready, Dustin?
Yep.
Last movie you saw?
Suicide Squad.
Bam.
You haven't been lately.
Yeah.
I went to a drive-in movie theater to see it, though.
So that was interesting.
Was it on a double A bill with something else?
It was.
That's crazy you know that, man. Well, because it's always a second movie
from the same studio that is often not
compatible at all.
Bad Moms! That's so funny!
Oh my god, yeah!
Because no one
who wants to see suicide, let's stay
for Bad Moms.
It was weird, though, man.
The sound was messed up, but that's
cool because I heard the dialogue wasn't too crazy,
but it was a fun movie to watch
and I liked it. It was cool.
I know everyone else shit on it,
but you don't gotta be...
Every once in a while somebody has something nice to say about it
and then they get put into a padded room.
I don't know.
I still haven't seen it.
Chris, what was the last movie you saw?
I haven't been to the theater in a minute,
but I just watched Running Scared
with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines
like three nights ago.
That movie is 80s as fuck.
Yeah, it is.
That Billy Crystal gets to be in an action buddy cop movie
is pretty 80s right there.
He also spends like 15 minutes of that movie Roller Skating.
That movie is...
It's true.
Joe Pantoliano was in that movie as a punk.
He's got like a red mohawky thing going on,
and he's wearing like a trench coat.
It's pretty great.
His name is Snake.
You should watch that movie. It's pretty fun.
I saw it, you know, at the time. Sure.
And I thought it was fine.
Yeah, it's exactly that. Jimmy Smith sells drugs.
He's Mexican, so yeah.
And then...
That's the 80s part. I'm not saying Mexican people sell drugs.
I'm saying the 80s like stereotypes.
No, Mexican people still sell drugs.
Yeah, but so does everybody else
It's a melting pot
That's true it's pretty great out there
Anyone can get into the drug game
As long as they've got gumption
Yo you wanna be a crip
You got gumption
I got gumption for days
motherfucker
you gotta get jumped in
you gotta get gumption
you got gumption
motherfucker
do you
so you just saw it
so maybe you
maybe you can back me up on this,
that this is a real moment in the movie.
At one point, Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal,
who are the black and white buddy cop team,
they both have donuts.
They're eating donuts because they're cops.
True.
But they reach out and touch donuts and go,
dink, like they're making a toast, but with donuts.
They absolutely do that.
I remember that for some reason.
Haven't seen that movie again.
But now whenever two items touch together that aren't glasses, I go, dink.
So sex is weird.
Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink. Dink.
Dink, dink, dink.
What, it's like five dinks and you're done?
Dink.
Just rock it slow, dude.
I learned that from Julianne Moore on Boogie Nights.
Boogie Nights.
What's the last movie you saw, Mark?
As of this morning, I just saw a first cut of Transformers 5.
Well, first of all, it's not just Transformers 5.
There's got to be more words in the title.
Yeah, we're working on that part. What's your favorite so far? Transformers 5. There's got to be more words in the title. Yeah, we're working on that part.
What's your favorite so far?
Transformers 5. Mark Wahlberg is the best.
So that's probably why they're fighting you on that.
No, they said we're going to work with that for a while and it might stick around, so we'll see what happens.
We'll see.
And what did you say you saw?
Oh, that's what you saw.
Yeah.
Well, I don't need to ask you if it's any good or not because it's great right?
well yeah because I'm an American so it's fucking perfect
it's really good there's a new transformer
he's a golf cart named Wedge and he's fucking awesome
Have you seen Deepwater Horizon?
Fuck yeah, dude.
How many times?
Half.
No spoilers, but do you die halfway through or something?
Fuck no, dude.
You might as well call every movie I'm in Lone Survivor because I'm not going to fucking die.
Now that I think about it.
Now I'm trying to think of a movie where Mark Wahlberg dies.
Yeah, because you can't fucking do it, dude.
No, I legitimately can't.
I can't film a movie.
I feel like in Boogie Nights he should have died. Sure. Oh, wait, I've can't. I can't film a movie. I feel like in Boogie Nights he should have died.
Sure.
He also probably dies like two years
after Boogie Nights, right?
Once the AIDS kicks in?
Probably.
We didn't shoot those scenes.
You died in I Heart Huckabees.
No, dude.
I don't fucking die.
I'm trying to start a rumor
Give people a reason to watch I Heart Huckabees
It's in a director's cut
You die in a director's cut
No, dude, I don't fucking die
Audience, audience, let's do one
There's somebody's got it
Perfect Storm, you die in Perfect Storm
Yes, that's right
No, I don't
You saw the scene where I fucking died?
No, you didn't see the scene
where I fucking died.
As far as you know,
my ass is floating around
up there eating fucking seagulls.
George Clooney?
Dead.
Me?
Who the fuck knows?
He is a strong swimmer.
You ever work with David Swimmer?
Ross?
No.
Oh, I forgot.
You love friends.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Every time I see him, I'm like, what's up, Ross?
And he's like, well, please don't call me that.
That was a great Ross impression.
Fucking A, dude. I'm like, why don't you go find a mucky
And put on a neck sweater
And get the fuck out of here
You sound just like the giraffe in Madagascar
Alright Bert Kreischer
Turn the show off
Because it's time for me to say
Let the games begin
Lots of great name tags James McGurn!
Lots of great name tags in the house tonight.
I do not envy you guys having to choose.
While you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
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All right, we're back.
A lot of upset people here today.
Yeah.
Very mad.
Yeah, I should remind everybody, putting Chris Cubis' face on your name tag
Doesn't get a tier, it'll get selected
But it certainly helps
Yeah, because you picked one that's got your face on it
I did
It's Don't Think Twice
As in Dawn, but Don't Think Twice
The improv movie
She did manage to put me in the
Mixed Black Guys
Put my head on the mixed black guys' head,
so that's pretty good.
Oh, that's nice.
But it's also got Dustin on it,
and Doug, and Jacob Suroff, and a girl.
Aya Cash from You're the Worst.
Like, she'd show up here.
She was on the Austin show,
so maybe she'd drive over, sure.
All right, what do you got, Dustin?
All right, well, I got What's
Keaton Gilbert Grape.
And I have
a, you know, I'm Johnny Depp.
Obviously.
I thought I would be the fat mom, but
I'm not. That's cool.
Dude, that movie destroyed
me as a kid, because I had a fat mom.
And I remember, like, poor
lady, right? You're just like uh and
everyone she's so fat and like i remember there was a scene where she was stomping and they were
like she's gonna tear down the house they had to reinforce the basement because she was so fat
and i would look at my mom and be like mom i'm gilbert grape you're fucking gonna eat me
you're killing me that's not why the movie's called What's Eating
Gilbert Grape. Maybe not.
I was a little kid. It's not a horror film
about him being afraid his mother's gonna eat him.
You're not gonna do
this fat mom material later when your mom's
here, are you? Because that feels
a little mean. No.
She would kill me. She would eat me.
I love
sitting next to you, Chris. We look like a couple of
fucking potheads. Degenerates.
We look like we're playing Street Fighter.
We both chose Blanca.
So there's one player
that looks a little different.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I look like Blanca spent some
years on the street and got a little rugged.
Who are you playing for, Mark?
Well, dude, I was trying to be nice
to one of these lonely people in the back.
There's this girl way back here waving a sign,
and I'm like, you know what?
This probably counts as some sort of civil service.
I'm going to go back there and pick her,
and as I get closer, she just starts going,
Dustin!
Dustin!
So I looked at her, and she didn't look at me,
and I go, fuck yourself.
Then I saw what looked like a weapon,
and I'm like, I can use this on the movie theater next door.
So I married a Max murderer.
That's a really nice one.
Yeah.
It's fucking crafty, dude.
It's a fucking axe.
Were you posing for pictures?
I'm Mark Wahlberg.
There's always pictures.
All right, Mark, well...
And I'm always posing.
Some weird yelling over there.
We're going to start the game section of the show today
with a little something called Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
What I need you gents to do is buzz in with your own name
when you think you know.
Have you played this game before, Dustin?
I haven't, so I was listening.
All right.
IMDb has a top four that they list for everybody.
I'm going to start naming
somebody's top four.
Oh, and then we got to say
who it is.
You got to buzz in
and guess who it is.
Buzz in early.
If you buzz in on that first title,
you're taking a big risk
because it's negative one point
if you miss.
Ooh.
God, I hate games
with negative points.
But if you get...
You're such a positive guy.
But if you get... If you get a positive guy. But if you get...
If you get it right,
if you jump in on the first name
and you get it right,
then you can get three boner points.
Because then you can guess
three more things that that person was in.
You get a point for each one you get right.
I love games with boner points,
so let's do it.
Can I get a shiner?
Oh.
That doesn't mean he wants to be punched in the eye.
God damn it.
I was so fucking ready, bro.
Can I get one as well?
Fuck it.
Let's do this.
Can I get a Jack Daniels protein shake?
With Coca-Cola?
I don't think they have that.
Fine, I'll take a Jack and Coke
with protein shake on the side.
All right, did anybody hear that?
Two shiners and a Jack and Coke?
I heard it.
I'm still good on mine.
Thanks, hyenas.
Hyenas.
Whose IMDb top four begins with Fight Club?
Good.
I like that.
You're standing back.
You're going, there's several people in that movie.
Could be any of them.
Maybe if we hear another title.
The second movie on this person's top
four. The Rocky
Horror Picture Show.
Chris. Chris, who is it?
I probably shouldn't have
done that.
Meatloaf? That's correct.
Oh!
Boom, boom, boom.
I know all food related actors.
That's how I put that on.
All right.
So you get to guess two more meatloaf projects.
That's not good.
Do I lose points?
The top four isn't all movies.
No, you're great.
You're in good shape.
You got a point for guessing correctly.
These are two boner points.
I'll tell you right now,
you were not going to get them.
Okay, but I'm going to throw some weird shit out to you.
Okay, get weird.
And see what happens.
I like it.
What's the name of that movie with...
Samuel L. Jackson. Don't answer him, you guys. Don't answer, don't answer, don't answer. what's the name of that movie with Samuel
Jackson. Don't answer him you guys. Don't answer.
Don't answer. Don't answer.
Formula 51. And?
And
Black Dog.
That's what I was going to fucking say dude.
First of all I can't
believe you came up with Formula 51.
It also
might be known as 51st State as an alternate title.
That is crazy.
I think it was originally called Formula 51 Charlie, but I'm not positive.
And then this is weird, the other one that they put on here.
It's some sort of documentary called Classic Albums. And it's an episode or a...
Oh, it's like a VH1 show or something.
Maybe, yeah.
And it's all about Meatloaf's bat out of hell.
So that's number three in Formula 51's number four.
So that means you are in the lead now, Chris, with two points.
Yeah!
And Mark and Dustin, get in this.
All right.
I'm gonna get so deep in this.
Dink.
Go deep taco.
Dink.
Mark, was that your real dick in Boogie Nights?
No, they made me put on a smaller one.
That's the best answer ever.
Also not the first time he's answered that question.
Ah, damn it, really?
I felt it too.
I was like, I feel like someone could have said this
a million fucking times.
Whose top four includes the following?
Midnight in Paris?
Cars?
Mark.
Who do you got, Mark?
Owen Wilson.
That's correct.
That's correct.
Nicely done.
Owen Wilson.
That's correct.
Great, she's done.
Give me two more Owen Wilsons.
Only Mark on this one.
I want one of them to be behind anime lines.
I'm going to go Zoolander.
Zoolander 2.
Yeah, whatever you do, don't tax yourself.
Don't... Because I feel like they might throw one of them in there.
Yeah, it was a reasonable guess.
But instead, they went with Wedding Crashers
and the Darjeeling Limited.
Ugh.
Yeah.
Sounds very harsh.
Somebody over there,
brr.
I know,
go to the Angelica Theater
for that shit.
Fucking A-right, dude.
Who wants to go to a movie
and think about shit?
My enjoyment of Darleet.
Fuck it.
I can't do a funny voice
and a funny line
at the same time.
Okay, so Mark, you just get the one point for jumping in there and getting the right answer.
I'll take it.
So Mark has one.
Chris has two.
Dustin, it's go time.
It's go time.
Dusty.
You've got to get in.
Dusty time.
This is the third round.
We'll only do a fourth round if we need a tiebreaker.
Who was in these four things?
Dustin.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm just joking.
It's a ball's ass.
I'm sorry.
I thought you were going to ask balls movies.
You've got to get ten boner points if you guess it with no movies.
If I can read your mind.
Yeah, that'd be so trippy.
Alright, the first title
of four.
Old School.
Shut up! Who said that?
You could tell
I was about to say that.
Okay.
I wear my heart
on my sleeve, right?
Okay.
The second title?
Idiocracy.
Dustin!
Who is it, Dustin?
All right, so basically it's Idiocracy.
Oh, you're going to figure it out now?
Yeah.
Just say your name and then take a minute? Idiocracy. Oh, you're going to figure it out now? And now. Just say your name and then take a minute.
Idiocracy.
And old school.
Yes.
Basically.
I'd say 50% of the people in this room have it figured out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
But he wasn't in that right now.
Argue with yourself about it for a, yeah. I know. But he wasn't in that, right? Yeah.
Argue with yourself
about it for a little bit.
All right.
Well, I'm going...
Ah, damn it.
You fucked it.
Well, just name somebody
that was in...
Fucked up, Dusty.
Name somebody
that was in one of those
and you might be right.
Vince Vaughn.
Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris.
All right, Chris is buzzed in.
Chris, Chris, Chris.
Who is it, Chris?
Luke Wilson. That's correct. Ah, that's right. How do I... Ah, you idiot Chris, Chris. Chris is buzzed in. Who is it, Chris? Luke Wilson.
That's correct.
Oh, that's right.
How do I?
Oh, you idiot, Dusty.
Because I was like Owen Wilson.
I almost said Owen Wilson.
I was like, he wouldn't do that.
That's not the same person.
Chris, you can get two more points to show off,
but you won this game regardless.
But I'm probably not gonna.
Oh, what's
his? Oh, god damn it.
One second, one second, one second.
There was that movie where he was told to use the force.
Luke.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
I'm thinking of his, the other.
Oh, it's maybe.
Oh, god damn it.
It's not Huckabees it's the other
uh i'm gonna say darjeeling limited because they like that movie
and because i don't matter i already won and uh oh the fucking one i really want the name
gene hackman yeah that's the one. I know. God damn it. Yeah.
Not
that. Fuck it. What's that? What he
made with Martin Lawrence?
Why are you
blue streak? Blue streak is
good. Guess
please. Someone tell me the one
I was thinking of. I can't remember. Royal
God damn it. Please don't please. I've got I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was thinking of I couldn't remember Royal Tenenbaum Please don't
Please I've got this
I'm sorry audience
Yeah I'm sorry guys shut up
Like being apologetic and mean
Whenever someone on stage asks you for the answer
That's not me
Do not answer
Shut up
They're just talking
Trying to pull a trick
Trying to cheat maybe
No I wasn't.
The other one was Legally Blonde.
Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you want to play the tiebreaker for fun?
Yeah.
Okay.
One out of three is enough.
We don't have to.
Is there a better game?
No, let's do this shit.
All right.
The first title, The Princess Br princess bride you know this is just for
fun any one of my oh and our Dustin and Hathaway no mark so on that and at the
way mark is there a child crystal oh? Oh, the Princess Diary. She was in that. Ah, I knew there was a princess.
Damn it.
That was so Mexican-y and uncle-y.
I'm sorry.
That was good.
The princess.
Did you guess, Mark?
Yeah, I said Billy Crystal.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Chris, I'll give you another title.
Forrest Gump.
Oh, Robin Wright.
Yep.
You almost said Penn.
I almost did, but I don't think that's accurate anymore.
Straight up Robin Wright.
Sure.
And for those who didn't catch on, the theme of today's IMDb game is all of the people are from Dallas, Texas.
Dallas, Texas.
And according to IMDb, Robin Wright is
the single most popular person born
in Dallas, Texas.
Really?
He's got to be a football player.
But this is movies. This doesn't include
sports.
Vanilla Ice went to high school here.
I know that.
We pride ourselves on that.
I would have chosen him, but it would be
cool as ice, cool as ice, cool as ice,
cool as ice.
Teenage Ninja Turtle 2, The Secret of the Ooze.
Oh.
Ninja.
Ninja. Rap.
Who the fuck knows Robin Wright Penn movies?
The Congress and... I got you. Who'd fuck knows Robin Wright Penn movies? The Congress and...
I got you.
Who'd you got?
Unbreakable.
And Unbreakable.
Unbreakable's great, but another weird one.
House of Cards makes perfect sense.
Sure, sure, sure.
Oh, it's not always movies, right?
Yeah, but then her fourth thing, Santa Barbara.
What?
It was an afternoon soap opera on NBC
that was like her big break before Princess Bride.
And yeah, they put it in there for some reason.
I don't know why.
All right, let's play another game.
Let's play Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
And then let's also play
Bring Chris and Dustin to Shiners.
Yeah, let's try again.
A couple of shiners for Chris and Dustin to Shiners. Yeah, let's try again. A couple of Shiners for Chris and Dustin.
Jack and Coke for Mr. Walbert, please.
Pretty please.
I don't know.
You know, they're busy serving the customers.
Yeah, for sure.
That's why I said pretty please.
Oh, sweet.
I want my drink fucking now.
Are you going to blame how you're doing in the games
on not having a drink?
I don't blame anything.
I either win or choose not to.
You got to pull that Sam Levine power move.
Yeah, we'd also like some shade up here, please.
These lights are too bright.
But they need to be bright enough for me to read this shit.
Whose tagline is it anyway?
I'll say a tagline from a motion picture,
and you guess individually.
We'll start with Chris,
and then if he can't guess this first one,
then we'll go to Mark and then Dustin.
And, you know, it goes around like that.
What movie had the tagline,
What went down on the way to the top?
What went down on the way to the top?
Big Top Pee Wee?
I'm sure that's wrong, but it had top in it.
Yeah.
A lot of taglines just use the same word from the title.
Oh, she's coming over and taking an order.
Two shiners and a jacket.
For the listener at home, there's a mime show going on.
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Mark, what do you got?
Wolfman Town on the way to the top?
Yeah.
Debbie Does Dallas.
I get it.
You think I'm going to keep doing Dallas movies.
Pretty clever, but no.
Dustin?
Overboard, Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn.
Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn.
You guys... On the way to the top of what?
Top of the boat?
No.
Kurt was making his way up, you know?
Oh, I see.
Really rich, yeah.
I get it.
You had to go overboard, which I get you going down to go up.
Overboard.
Okay.
Below sea level.
The correct answer is Primary Colors.
Primary Colors, the movie about Bill Clinton and where John Travolta played Bill Clinton.
Oh, so the answer is...
Oh, fuck.
The girl that sucked Bill Clinton's dick.
Let him work it out.
Let him work it out.
No, please don't.
I overthought this already.
Monica Lewinsky.
There he is.
There we did.
She went down.
God damn it.
That joke would have worked if I remembered words.
You know, I was thinking a blowjob thing,
but I was like, that's too crass.
Your mom's not here.
You're fine.
Okay, Chris gets to go first on this next one.
Okay.
When you've seen it all,
you'll swear there's never been anything like it.
And the answer is not Mark's penis in Boogie Nights.
Yeah, because there's something better.
Mark's penis in real life?
Yeah.
When you've seen it all,
you'll swear there's never been anything like it.
I don't know.
That's a terrible tagline for any movie.
That's a movie poster hyperbole there.
Sure.
When you've seen it all, you swear there's never been anything like it.
Zootopia?
I got nothing.
Just name the movie.
Mark?
Showgirls.
Dustin?
Strip Tease.
It's almost like cheating
Because he said showgirls
And you just went
Well maybe another one
Where they
Take their clothes off
They get naked
Yeah
No the answer is
The Manchurian Candidate
What?
From 1962
Dude I would have never
Fucking got that shit
Like that
That is insane
No one would
There's no reason to get it
Really
That is
So is the theme for this
unguessable movies?
Primary Colors
was pretty guessable, I think.
But let's try another one. See what happens.
Okay.
We'll start with
you again, Chris. The tagline is
Is anyone
seeing the truth?
Is anyone seeing the truth? Is anyone seeing the truth?
Has anyone seen the truth?
Is anyone?
Is anyone?
Seeing.
Is anyone seeing the truth?
Okay, so what...
Is anyone seeing the truth?
True lies.
I'm sure that's wrong. Stop laughing at me. Mark? Has anyone seen The Truth? True Lies.
I'm sure that's wrong.
Stop laughing at me.
Mark.
JFK.
That's a good guess.
Dustin.
JFP.
Is that a real movie?
The Pelican Brief.
Oh, wait.
There's monitors in some spots, so some people in bad seats can see the monitors, right?
Oh, that's cool.
That's cool.
All those are in... What'd you say, Dustin?
The Pelican Brief.
Oh, that's a good guess.
It's got one of the same actors.
Nuh-uh.
Yeah.
Denzel or Sandra or Kevin McCallister.
It's Denzel.
Oh, really? Yeah, you picked a different Denzel movie. I'm getting closer
every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is
the Manchurian Candidate from 2004.
I knew you would pull something clever.
Damn it. I do
every once in a while.
All right, here's the next one, Chris.
I think you'll get this one.
That makes one of us.
The tagline is three words, each followed by a period.
It's just reading, writing, revenge.
Oh, that terrible teacher, was it?
Reading, writing, prevention.
Anything you say helps the other two guys.
Sure.
Sure.
Bad teacher?
No.
Mark?
Dead Poets Society.
No. No.
Tell you right now,
these should be the fucking log lines
for every movie I've said.
Dustin, The Substitute.
Ooh, I like that.
I really thought one of you guys would get this one.
It was for the movie Election.
Ah.
Yeah.
That's right.
Okay, one more, one more.
One more.
I think the intention was to make them get easier as it goes along.
Chris, may the best loser win.
Dodgeball and underdog story.
Mark.
The campaign.
What'd you say? The campaign.
That is correct. There you go.
Alright. Don't forget to vote on November 8th, everybody. All right.
Don't forget to vote on November 8th, everybody.
They were all political movies.
Yeah, I figured that out right at the end.
Right when you heard the campaign.
Yeah.
Oh, I see where he did all this.
You wove it together. Every one of these films had political elements.
Okay.
We had a fun time
yesterday in Houston playing
a game called How High Can You
Get?
What happened?
That's the one? You like that one?
Yeah.
That's what one that you like that one? Yeah
You just mean in life, that's a game you like to play
How high can you get? Now I understand
That is that is my life game. You're right
You're right about that. But in this game what we do is we take a genre and we take turns saying films from that genre
that begin first round one word,
second round two words,
second round three words,
and you gotta, you know,
we're into exact titles around here.
Okay.
Which is where that comes in handy
when you get to two or three words
because sometimes the will help get you to the two or three words oh so okay yeah and uh let's see where do we start
so mark won that last game so we'll start with you mark and then we'll go to chris and then to
dustin and then to me because i like to play this one and i need a genre from someone in the audience
i forgot to get a Twitter person's name
because I was looking for somebody
to suggest a Last Man Stanton.
Who's the person I was talking with on Twitter
that said they had a great name for both,
for Last Man Stanton and for...
How high can you get?
Really? You said that to me?
I believe it.
He believes it.
It's just a funny coincidence
That we were already talking
And you're the one person in the audience
That I chatted with on Twitter
So you've got a genre that you'd like us to use
For this game?
Blaxploitation
Oh shit
Oh man
Thank you sir
Thank you Let's. Thank you.
Let's just call this a win for Chris and move on.
Oh, man.
I'm going to look racist.
Yeah.
This is not good.
Yeah.
This is scary.
Oh, no.
All right.
Let's try it.
Let's try it.
Starting with Mark. Mark, no. All right, let's try it. Let's try it. Starting with Mark.
Mark, just a one word blaxploitation movie.
Fear.
That is...
Were blax exploited in that movie
because none of them were allowed to participate?
Yeah, that's it.
On the set they were.
That's it.
On the set.
That's fine.
Every fucking day, dude.
Every fucking day.
Does it go to me now?
Is there even one black actor in that movie?
I don't know.
Maybe the guy that-
I'm asking Mark.
Oh, okay.
He was in it.
Sure.
I think one of the bus boys at the cafe was black.
William Peterson's got some fucking soul to him.
But other than that, no, not really.
I think there was a black guy on the roller coaster
behind you and Reese when you were fingering her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And his only line was, what?
And I looked back at him and I go,
smells good, doesn't it?
And I look back at him and I go,
smells good, doesn't it?
Alright, Mark.
What would you like to say? I'll give you one.
Chris?
Shaft?
Of course.
It's a clear, obvious choice.
Which one?
Roundtree or Jackson?
I'll go Roundtree.
Okay.
Dustin?
One word, blaxploitation title.
Dude, this is too dangerous.
This is... I mean, it's really not.
You know what that genre is.
Just don't say some weird Denzel Washington movie.
I know. I'm like, damn it. Don't say some weird Denzel Washington movie. I know.
I'm like, damn it.
Don't say Pastor 57.
That's close.
Also, that's not Denzel.
That's Wesley Snipes.
That's the most racist thing you've done all day.
I know.
Dude.
Bro.
I'll be honest.
My racism did come.
I did a scene.
Bro.
That's a first.
Grabbing the mic from somebody
and dropping it for them.
Dude, I worked with Wesley Snipes too
and that was a fear I had
that I was going to call the wrong name
and be like, what did you call me?
You're a passenger 55.
Where'd you work with him?
Were you busing tables in a prison?
He just got out in the player.
Yeah, he did get out.
Yeah, yeah.
I was the computer nerd.
He choked me.
It was great.
His Twitter's pretty great.
He tweeted the other day after Donald Trump was like, yeah, I don't pay taxes.
I'm smart.
He just tweeted a picture of him like, what the fuck?
It was great.
Oh, that is awesome.
Yeah, I retweeted a thing today where somebody made a meme where it's like,
Donald Trump doesn't pay taxes, and he might be our president.
Wesley Snipes didn't pay taxes,
went to jail.
It doesn't get more simple
than that.
Some people can break the law
and some can't, and they're lighter
skinned.
Sure.
And rich. It helped that Trump started off Sure. And rich.
It helped that Trump started off rich.
That helps. Yeah, then you're in really good shape. Dude, is I'm gonna get
you, sucka? Does that count? That's one
word. That's so many words.
See, I'm
a failure on this game, dude. I don't even
know what to find. It's a blackula.
That sounds like a good name. Blackula's one word.
That's it.
Really?
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Ha ha.
It's amazing.
The club owner's like, what are you guys doing?
Oh.
That's why their stage is cleverly carpeted.
Also, if you could- There's no dents in this.
If you can see our mics, they're beat the fuck up.
They've already been beaten up pretty badly.
All right, so for my one word, I'm going to go with shaft with Sam Jackson.
There you go.
Nailed it.
No, I can do one.
I can do one for reals.
Superfly.
There you go.
All right, now the order changes each time to keep it fair. No, I can do one. I can do one for reals. Superfly. There you go.
All right, now the order changes each time to keep it fair,
so Chris gets to go first on a two-word blaxploitation movie.
Truck Turner.
Bam!
Starring Isaac Haynes.
The classic.
And we have a judge in the audience. Me and the one in the black dude in this room
are just vibing right now.
He also just pulled his hat over his face
like Dumb Donald in Fat Albert.
He's like, oh, shit.
Also, my other two-word title, Dumb Donald.
Pulled that one out of my ass.
That's not a movie.
I'm just kidding.
Truck Turner.
Dustin, do you have a two-word one?
Undercover Brother?
Does that count as black exploitation?
It's a parody of...
I know. It wasn't made during the time,
but they knew it was like...
They made it like, oh, black exploitation, Eddie Griffin.
I don't know it.
That's what they said. That was the tagline for that movie?
Yeah.
Black exploitation, Eddie Griffin.
Eddie Griffin. Hollywood. Hey, showbiz.
Let's go. One plus one equals two.
Does that count?
Since I let fear slide, I gotta let that one slide,
because at least it's got a black person in it.
Super black.
That's not great.
Why?
Oh, is that another black exploitation movie that says...
Super black?
That's just Donald Trump complimenting a black person.
Oh, you're black.
You're super black.
It's beautiful.
I love it.
Okay, I'm going to go with Black Dynamite.
Sure.
Mark?
Jackie Brown.
Okay.
It's like we're just picking out the whitest blaxploitation movies.
Well, three of you are. I know.
I'm from Boston.
I think I'm doing pretty fucking good.
I got a sixer that's gonna be great.
He's gonna give me a double bam. We are not making six. that's going to be great. He's going to give me a double bam.
We are not making six.
There is no way.
I'll just show off at the end.
Okay, so Mark got that one right?
Yeah.
Dustin, you got to go first for three-word blaxploitation title.
All right.
It's going to be tough.
Well, since Blackula worked,
I'm gonna go with Blackness Monster.
The movie.
All right, since that worked,
I'm gonna go with The Blummy.
Yeah.
Doesn't make any sense.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Foxy Brown.
That was one, right?
With three words?
Oh, the Foxy Brown.
That sounds super racist.
The Foxy Brown.
Get a load of the foxy brown
over there
standing right next to George Bush Senior's
daughter
didn't he say something like that
alright
alright you're out
let me see if I can think of one
this is tough because I jumped all the way to six
I'm so proud of my six
three words do you have one Chris to six. I'm so proud of my six.
Three words.
Do you have one, Chris? I do.
Good for you. You have a three?
Good for you. Oh, I do too.
You do? Yeah. Okay, good.
That'll keep the game going if I fail here.
I'm really having trouble coming up with one.
Yeah.
I'm going to kick myself later,
but for now I'm out.
Mark?
The ladies' man?
Oh, man.
Did you know that... You're fucking thinking about it, though, aren't you?
Oh, no, I'm all right with it,
because Chris is going to win this game no matter what.
Sure.
So I'm okay with it.
So three, we can either go Shaft in Africa
or Black Belt Jones.
Okay.
Either one of those.
For four...
I like this.
For four, we can do
three the hard way.
Three the... Yeah, that's right.
That's four.
As the word three. I'm trying to get you
to six. For five...
Oh, that's a hard one.
Oh, you got one for
five?
Shit.
Hold on, give me a second.
So do I.
Oh, what you got?
What you got?
I'm going to get you, sucker.
Yeah, I'm going to get you, sucker. That's five.
That's five.
And why don't you hit us with your six?
My six is sweet, sweet backs, badass song.
That's a good cut.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel less white.
Alright, that was great.
Now can we do movies where somebody beats someone up?
Because I will crush that shit.
That's most movies.
That I'm in.
Yeah, you do get into it with people.
Fuck yeah, dude. Alright, so Chris get into it with people.
Alright, so Chris wins that game. Good job, Chris.
Thanks for suggesting that, sir.
What's your name, by the way?
Your name's Cool Running.
Oh, man.
This is one of the...
That was the huddest shit I ever heard. The name of my check or My name's Cool Runnings. Oh man, this is one of the... Oh, that was also...
That was the hootest shit I ever heard.
The name of my check or my...
You want my government name on a recording?
No, sir.
You can't have my government.
Okay, no name, but what's your social?
He seems very social to me.
All right, let's play Last Man Stanton.
But before we do that, I've been eyeballing this box of...
Is this donuts on the stage right here?
What is it?
It's a cannoli?
Just one cannoli.
Oh, dude.
You better not.
A cannoli and a cookie?
Throw the cookie.
Leave the cannoli.
Boom.
Awesome.
Godfather reference.
Who wants this cookie?
I don't want to throw it in your mouth
at such close range.
That seems dangerous.
Here we go.
The guy with the hands up right there.
Oh!
You're holding your hands up
and used your mouth at the last minute?
That's tight.
I'm going to tell you right now, you would make a great girlfriend. your mouth at the last minute? That's tight.
I'm gonna tell you right now, you would make a great girlfriend.
Slow mic drop, slow mic drop.
That was great.
Seriously, where are the donuts at?
Where are my donuts at Oh in the back
Pass them forward
Pass them forward
Crocodile Dundee that shit
Not too many
Crocodile Dundee that shit
Not too many
They're Crocodile Dundeeing it dude
All the way up to the front
I don't know what that means
But okay
At the end of Crocodile Dundee
Makes it to that ugly blonde girl
By stepping on people
These are the messiest ones.
Yeah.
What is this shit, man?
Your fingers will get all sticky just by touching them
to throw them. These are like jizz donuts,
bro.
They're glazed with super glaze.
They left them out all afternoon.
The calories are going to
go right into your fucking fingers, dude.
Ooh, they're pumpkin cake doughnuts. Ooh.
That sounds delicious.
Oh, shit, a whole bunch of basic girls just wet themselves.
It is the season.
Let's go.
Who wants a doughnut?
Hold on, I'm going deep.
You see me pointing at you?
Girl with your hand, or maybe a guy, I can't see.
No, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy.
You, you just had your hand up or maybe a guy I can't see. No, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy.
You, you just had your hand up.
Yeah, you.
Here we go.
Ooh, I want to hit that Deadpool over there.
That looks good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to hit the guys filming it.
It's good.
Hey. Excuse me. Oh, I'm going again?
All right, here we go.
Oh, wait.
Somebody give me...
I want a deep...
Oh, I can't throw into the light.
Somebody...
Here we go.
Okay.
I'm just...
I see a bunch of hands, and I'm just going for it. Oh, I can't throw into the light. Somebody, here we go. Okay, I see a bunch of hands,
and I'm just going for it.
Oh, man, this is fun as shit.
All right, who promises to do cardio later?
You ready?
No matter what happens,
you're welcome.
Oh, that donut disintegrated. no matter what happens, you're welcome. Oh.
That donut disintegrated as you threw it.
Fucking velocity, bro.
It hit like five fucking...
That's awesome.
Busted through some atmosphere.
It looked like the ship in the Flight of the Navigator.
Just...
All right, that was exciting.
Dustin's just enjoying his.
Yeah, I want to set it down, but there's nowhere to put it.
Now I just look like a fucking fat guy with a donut.
Sucks.
Oh!
Thanks, man.
I'll just wipe on my pants.
That's cool.
I'm still that guy.
I'll just wipe it on my...
Oh, can I have one, too?
When did he order what?
Man, you clever motherfucker.
I'm quick.
I thought about getting one earlier, but I was like,
it'll kill the momentum.
We got a lot of momentum.
I don't want to kill it, but...
And I'm going to have sex with you later.
That sounded like a threat.
For the listener at home,
I just made plans.
All right, we're going to play Last Man
Stanton. Yeah!
You do a line.
And...
We're going to start with
Chris Cubis because he won the last game.
And then we'll go to
Mark and then me and Dustin.
But you guys get to use one lifeline at any point.
You could ask for help from the person whose name tag you picked.
So Dustin needs to go to Keaton.
I can't believe I didn't remember that.
And Dawn for Chris.
And Max.
Max Murderer for Mark.
And I chatted with a person on Twitter
whose name I actually wrote down.
Ninja Demas?
Where's Ninja Demas at?
It's the same fucking guy!
Damn.
Oh, he's killing it.
Social media man over here.
That's awesome.
Oh, I feel like I got this.
And I feel like now we know his government name. That's awesome. Oh, I feel like I got this. And I feel like now we know
his government name.
Ninja Demus.
Here we go. Everybody get your Lou Gossett
Juniors ready.
Officer and a gentleman.
Gladly. Iron Eagle.
Diggstown. Iron Eagle 2.
Enemy mine.
Glory.
He wasn't in Glory.
Definitely was not in Glory.
Alright, so is it safe to ask you for a name?
Or are you going to give us a name where Chris is going to win for sure?
That seems...
Okay, I think I might be good.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, here's your drinks, guys.
Woo!
That ain't even good for me, brother.
I'm sorry.
Vivica A. Fox, there's like...
I got like two movies.
There's like Kill Bills.
Yeah, yeah.
And Independence Day.
Oh, Independence Day and then I'm out.
Yeah.
Let's think of better...
We could do a better...
Soul Food, right?
She was in Soul Food. I hope so. He says pick somebody else. We could do a better. Soul food, right? She was in soul food.
I hope so.
He says pick somebody else.
She raised her hand.
What's she got?
You got something for us?
All right.
Be cool.
Halle Berry.
Halle Berry.
Okay.
I think that pleases everyone.
Sure.
Oh, yeah, she does.
Halle Berry.
Here we go.
It starts with me, yeah?
We start with you and go to Mark.
Swordfish.
Oh, yeah, you went right to the one
where she tits her ass.
Right to the titty.
Mark?
Monster's Ball.
Oh, she won the Oscar for that.
I was just feeling something there. And then she won the oscar for that i was just feeling something there and then
she won the oscar and adrian brody kissed her on the mouth without permission
yeah i know that was real gross it's totally douchey but i'd high five him
not not cool but also pretty cool
that's just because he's a good looking guy it was fucking someone else a kid but also pretty cool.
That's just because he's a good looking guy. It was fucking someone else.
A kid, John Gooden was like, come here you.
And smooshed it and be like,
what the fuck is this guy doing, man?
It's bullshit.
It's not fair when you're ugly,
you can't just kiss whoever.
That must suck. Oh, society.
I know, it's bullshit.
You and your damn restrictions against ugly people.
It's bullshit.
Why is no one protesting for that?
Huh? What the fuck?
Because it's hard to be
an outwardly
sex offender.
You can't just protest like,
hey, I want to violate women too.
Where's my rights? rights actually i think that's donald trump's whole platform if i'm not
he's killing it um x-men okay sure um i'll go with gothica who sure
I'll go with Gothica.
Who?
Sure.
Oh, does that go to me now?
No, it should be Mark.
Okay, word.
Wait, did you go twice, Chris?
Because I've already gone once.
Huh?
You already went?
I went once, yeah.
I said Monsters Ball.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's me.
It's me, I think.
I started,
then it went to him,
and then I guess
it was supposed to be.
Oh, yeah, you jumped in before I...
I had a feeling I fucked it up, but I was waiting to...
I was waiting to get caught. I think
some audience members saw it, too. You were so excited
to say X-Men. Yeah.
And I was so excited to say Gothica. Okay, so
let's fix the order next time, but yeah, it's
Chris goes now.
X-Men 2?
That is
the name of that, right? Go on? Yep. Yeah, cool. No, that's it, man. They just straight up X-Men 2? That is the name of that, right? Go on.
Yep.
Yeah, cool.
No, that's it, man.
They just straight up X-Men 2'd it.
X-Men 3.
And then the ads would say X2.
Yeah.
Shut your fucking mouth.
Yeah.
Are you on a stage?
Do you have a microphone?
Don't fucking talk when I'm talking.
X-Men 3, the last stand.
I love that, though, when you said X-Men 3, The Last Stand. I love that, though, when you said X-Men 3.
No!
Let me finish.
You always let me finish.
She must make an appearance in X-Men First Class.
She does not.
For reals?
No.
All right, I'm out.
And don't forget about your lifeline, Dustin.
Ooh, thank you.
Keaton, help me out here, buddy.
I know.
I chose the whitest guy with the whitest fucking name ever.
Keaton, help me.
Dude, I don't know.
Man, that's kind of tough. She's a...
I know, and I want to...
I think I've got one of my...
But you got nothing, Keaton?
Keaton.
He's working it with the table.
You better not.
Talk to your other...
What are you guys,
fucking trivia night?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What the fuck?
Team Google over here.
I don't like this at all.
Come on, Keaton.
Catwoman.
That's correct.
Yeah, fucking Catwoman.
Good job, geniuses.
Thanks, Keaton.
That group of four people came up with that one.
That's good. That's awesome.
That goes to me, yeah.
The last Boy Scout. Yes, of course.
One of the
first times we got to lay eyes on her.
She played
a stripper who gets murdered.
Yeah.
I think she's wearing a Dallas
Cowboys kind of outfit at the time
too oh that was her stripper image you know she had those tassels hanging off
of her white leather coat she'd be like yeah who wants to fuck some tacos oh
you're thinking he said Cowboys I was picturing like an Aikman jersey.
When you said that, I was like... That would be the most Texas strip club of all time.
It's a girl in no pants and an Aikman jersey.
Also, we're giving this guy a lot of time.
I'm just waiting to give you another correct answer.
Okay.
Wait, because what was Chris's?
I said Last Boy Scout. Oh, yeah, of course. That's what we answer. Okay. Wait, because what was Chris's?
I said Last Boy Scout.
Oh, yeah, of course.
That's what we were talking about.
I don't have short-term memory loss.
Chris, you're up.
Mark.
X- Days of Future Past.
Yes, I knew she showed up in one of those.
Whew.
Yeah, we milked those X-Mens.
Yeah, I don't know if she was in the most recent one
because I did not watch it because it looked terrible.
Where's Dawn?
Hold on, wait.
It's Dustin, though, isn't it?
Oh, he's out.
Why was he out?
He said Catwoman.
No, I said Catwoman.
Oh, he got Catwoman. He just doesn't have a lifeline anymore, so he's effectively out it? Oh, he's out. Why is he out? He said Catwoman. No, I said Catwoman. Oh, he got Catwoman.
He just doesn't have a lifeline anymore,
so he's effectively out.
He's gonna be out.
We're right there.
Yeah, he's gonna be out.
All right, I'm just gonna throw this out there.
Give it a shot, man.
She might have been in JFK.
Damn, I'm picturing her too,
and she looks so 80s,
but I can't get the right movie.
Are you thinking of JFP?
What was it?
Yeah, you know me.
I'm down with JFP.
I don't know. I just do the right thing
maybe.
She's worked with the Spice. I don't know.
Oh, yeah. That's not a bad area
to go down. So I knew it was one of those, but I just...
Yeah, I'm not positive which one.
All right, so you're out.
Thanks for coming.
Can you hand me your name tag?
Oh, yes, thanks.
Chris?
Oh, yeah, I'm working on it.
You got a lifeline.
I know, but I kind of want to save it
because I feel like Marky's got one in the
chamber. Marky.
You heard me. I'm going to give you one.
Okay, Marky.
What's the number? Okay.
Oh, shit. I'm in Deep
Water Horizon.
You're about to be in a parking lot.
Mark, you've already got one hate crime under your belt.
Don't make it otherwise.
Give a guy a microphone and all of a sudden he thinks he's been in a gym his whole life.
Or once.
That's true.
Your lifeline may be tapped anyway, Chris.
You might as well just check in.
Dawn, you got something?
Boomerang.
Ooh, Boomerang.
Nice.
That's a real, real good one.
She said that shit with authority.
Yeah, she knew that shit.
She said that shit like a person
who just got done looking at their phone.
No, she said that shit like a fan of Boomerang.
Hell yeah.
Boomerang's a great fucking soundtrack alone.
Just Boomerangs are cool.
Yeah, that's true.
You throw that movie out, it comes back.
Why was it called that?
Was she also in Crossbow by any chance?
Because that's another thing I wanted as a child.
All right, Mark.
Next murderer.
Flintstones.
Flintstones.
Whoa, the Flintstones.
Damn, that is good.
Holy shit.
Always trust a man that carries a weapon.
And makes one, too.
So that's me.
Yeah, it's back to you again.
Dustin's out.
I'm pretty sure I'm right about this.
Okay.
Baps.
Baps.
Baps.
B-A-P-S.
Back to you, Mark.
The only thing I can think of to say is...
You want to do a line?
Oh, shit.
You guys want to do some fucking lines?
Are you just going to follow him?
No, I'm just going to wander around.
Look good, feel good.
Now wait, is that just us or the whole audience can guess?
You feel good.
What?
I said we'll go you guys.
It's your call.
It's your show, bro.
All right.
If we can't get it right away, then we'll open up to the crowd.
Yeah.
Okay.
Only us on stage.
Yeah.
Only us on stage.
When you say, do you want to do some lines,
you should have one ready.
How do you not know this isn't the credits?
All right, here we go.
If you... All right.
But when I come back,
I want to be rich.
All right. But when I come back, I want to be rich. All right.
But when I come back, I want to be rich.
Put your fucking hand up because you know what it is.
Just put your hand up.
All right.
Wolf of Wall Street.
It is not Wolf of Wall Street.
But when I come back, I want to be rich.
You want another one?
Yeah, I don't know this movie about a guy who wants a name change.
Can I guess at this?
I don't have anything.
You're on stage, right?
I was just wondering if I could.
The Gambler.
Like, here we go.
It's not necessarily a Mark Wahlberg film, Dustin.
Oh.
Oh.
Like, I know this steak isn't real,
but it tastes great.
Oh, shh.
But like, I know this steak isn't real,
but it tastes great.
I still don't know, Doug.
Don't spoil it, you guys.
I know this snake.
Snake, motherfucker.
Can we go again?
Rerack it.
Okay, okay.
I think I know what it is. Okay. You know you know what a fucking snake is. I know exactly what it is Rerack it. Okay, okay. I think I know what it is.
Okay.
You know you know what a fucking is, dude.
I know exactly what it is.
Drop the motherfucking.
Oh, Matrix.
It is fucking Matrix.
I do, yeah.
That was Joey Pants, too, right?
Fucking Joey Pants, dude.
Yeah, man.
I thought it was The Fly.
Because there's a scene where Jeff Goldblum,
before he moves himself from one pod to the other
He does a steak, doesn't he?
And then he eats it
That line is also said by the boys in the movie Hook
What's the line?
I know the steak isn't real
But it tastes great
Oh yeah
Okay
Dude, okay
If they were eating
real food
how is that
one kid so fucking fat
do you remember that one kid
they're eating air
but why is he gaining
so much weight man
because he believed dude
he fucking believed okay
he believed in diabetes
I guess
I don't know
think up a salad
at once in a while
imagine some fucking kale bro Think up a salad at once in a while.
Imagine some fucking kale, bro.
Instead of all that purple goop.
What the fuck?
What was that, man? I don't know.
It's all fun.
Based on how black that vacuum was,
I'm going to guess something grape flavored.
Do you have an answer yet, Mark?
We really stalled a long time.
No, he already doesn't have an answer.
No, not at all.
Okay, you're out?
That's why he did the lines.
I thought for a second he was going to do a line from a Halle Berry movie
and I was going to be like, this is gangster as shit.
Yeah.
No such luck.
All right.
Chris Cubis is our winner!
Where you at, Don? I got you, Don.
Come get your prizes, Don. Come get your shit.
I hope you put booze
in that coffee mug.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks, Don.
Congratulations.
Now, let's hear from the audience
which Halle Berry movies we missed.
Jungle Fever was the Spike Lee one.
Jungle Fever, yeah, yeah.
Die Another Day.
Die Another Motherfucking Day. Why didn't we think of that? James Bond is white as shit. I can't hear Yeah, yeah. Die another day. Die another motherfucking day.
Why didn't we think of that?
James Bond is white as shit.
I can't hear you, sir.
Cloud Atlas?
Oh, yeah.
What was that Warren Beatty movie?
Bull?
Bull Worth.
Bull Worth, yeah.
Bull fucking Worth.
People keep saying movie 43.
That does not even count in my book as a movie.
Perfect Stranger. Perfect Stranger.
Perfect Stranger.
Oh, okay.
The Call.
Fuck yeah.
God damn.
That bitch is prolific.
That's crazy.
She's been in a bunch of stuff.
Did somebody say Michaela and the Bee?
I don't think that's right.
Frankie and Alex?
Frankie and Alice. Frankie and Alice.
Frankie and Alice.
What?
Al Pacino?
Things We Lost in the Fire, yes.
I lost that movie in a fire.
What, dude?
Executive Decision?
She was an executive at Steven Seagal?
Check it out, guys.
Hold on, do you have an executive decision tattoo?
Oh, that's a great visual bit for this podcast.
I was in an executive decision.
His face looks just like Steven Seagal.
For the listener at home,
Dustin just looked like Vincent D'Onofrio
in Men in Black.
That's funny.
And Steven Seagal.
Let's do some...
Sorry?
No, I for real thought he was going to show
that he had an executive secession tattoo
like on your neck
when you started pulling your hair.
That would have been the most Texas fucking thing.
Bro!
You don't think?
I got under siege too over here, man.
Fucking dangerous territory.
That was a shadow territory.
Dark territory.
Dangerous shadow territory. You got it on your taint. This is dark territory. That was a shadow territory. Dark territory. Dangerous shadow territory.
You got it on your taint.
This is dark territory.
He's on a train.
Dustin.
Yes.
What would you like to plug?
What's going on, man?
Two shows tonight here at Hyenas.
Yep, two shows at Hyenas, man.
Tonight.
Come out.
He's going to be drunk on Shiner talking shit about his mom.
Yeah.
You know what, Mom?
I don't care.
I'm going to say pussy.
Now, also, I'm doing a show with Felipe Esparza.
It's just ABC.
Just, yeah, Dusty's back in the game.
That's so awesome.
They just tried to turn on the end theme while you're talking.
Get a lot of respect in your home club.
Yeah, no one likes me here.
I burned a lot of bridges.
It's okay.
What's the show called?
We don't have a name yet, but it's...
Couple of Mexicans?
That's a great fucking name!
Couple of Mexicans.
Okay, I like it.
Let's do it.
And when's it supposed to happen?
It just, well, we just sold it.
So now we go into the casting in January, February,
and then March we film it, most likely.
If it doesn't get canned before then,
because that can happen.
I've been here before.
Yeah, it's probably a little too early
to be talking it up like this.
Well, you asked me, do you have anything?
I didn't want to seem like a jackass.
Like, oh, I'm here tonight.
Yeah, I am. You fucking lose it. Dusty, you're here. do you have anything? I didn't want to seem like a jackass. Like, oh, I'm here tonight. Yeah, I am.
You fucking lose it.
Dusty, you're here.
You have no other gigs.
You're headlining your home club?
You have no other gigs except for a pilot you're going to shoot in March?
No, I got a bunch.
Sorry.
Go to dozenofbar.com.
I want to be in San Antonio and Denver and a bunch of Boston, a bunch of places.
I knew you had gigs.
I've got gigs.
You're out there gigging.
But good for you, man. Thanks for being here. Thanks're out there gigging. But good for you, man.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
This is where I did my first Doug Loves Movies.
Yeah, right here at Hyenas.
And Chris Cubis was here as well.
Like Rachel Feinstein.
That was the fun show.
Oh, yeah.
That's a better threesome than this group.
No, I just mean if you're going to have a threesome,
you want to get at least one girl in there.
And if you could only have one person, youesome, you want to get at least one girl in there.
And if you could only have one person, you'd only have me.
Yeah.
That's true.
Chris Cubis, what do you got coming up?
I am in Seattle at Parlor Live with Mike Lawrence,
October 13th through the 16th.
Check out my two podcasts.
I got one called Canceled.
We watch TV shows.
It only lasts one season. We're in the middle of my so-called life.
It is super fun
to watch that show
as a 38-year-old man.
It's a good show though, right?
It's great.
I love it.
I've never seen it before
and I'm super into it.
Yeah, that's why
all those people
that are in it
or a lot of them
have careers
because they're all really good.
For sure.
I have another show
called Wig Snatchers
where we just talk
about politics and shit
and snatch wigs.
And then I have a documentary special
coming out on Fusion October 21st at 8 o'clock
called Chris Cubis Gets Money,
where I convinced a network to give me a bunch of money
and let me live like the 1% for 30 days.
And I just had to spend 30 grand in 30 days,
and I did the shit out of that.
So watch that
special. We talk about income inequality.
There's some like, there's some
stuff going on, but I got a big ass TV
and a laptop and
a tablet and shit. So it's fun.
You got to keep all that stuff? Yes, I did.
Production
budget, my friend.
I got a
thousand dollar suit.
That's the greatest.
You fucking tricked those bastards.
That's amazing.
When I went to the pitch meeting, I thought that up on the bus
on the way to the pitch meeting.
And they were like, we love it.
And I was like, that seems like a lie.
How is that possible?
October 21st, 8pm, Fusion.
I could just picture you
Thinking of it on the way there
I wish I wasn't on this bus
That's 100% accurate
What can I do
To not ride buses anymore
I had a Brewster's Millions
I had to spend every dime
By the end
But you did it
Or is that a spoiler
No that was super easy
I did it
That'd be so funny
I could never get into Brewster's Millions Because it's just like How hard could You know But you did it. Or is that a spoiler? No, that was super easy. I did it. Okay. That'd be so funny.
I could never get into Brewster's Millions because it's just like, how hard could, you know, spending money?
Come on.
And cocaine, bro.
Right?
Yeah.
That's literally all you need.
Brewster's is the 80s, right?
When they made that movie?
I think the problem is he needs a receipt for everything.
That would be weird.
That's why he doesn't spend it on cocaine.
Hey, you think I could get a receipt?
Okay.
You got to Venmo your Coke dealer
when you need a receipt.
Mark Wahlberg,
Deepwater Horizons,
in theaters now.
Okay, go see it.
That shit's fresh.
And then I've got a couple other movies coming out.
Like I said,
we just wrapped on Transformers 5.
Finish up this season of Ballers.
If you haven't done that yet,
Rock needs the attention.
Other than that, Wahlburgers is coming back
and hang around after the show,
and if you're lucky, I'll fuck you.
What happens to the unlucky?
They get to watch.
Ooh.
That sounds very...
That doesn't seem so bad.
Sounds very unlucky. Depends on who the lucky person is.
Spoiler alert, it's Dustin.
I think I'd watch that.
One more round of applause for all of my guests.
Dustin Ibarra, Chris Cubis, Mark Wahlberg.
Mic drop it.
I'm coming to Boston
next week, next Saturday.
You know what happens in Boston.
Try to get Mark to come back for that one.
And as always,
Pothole...
Where'd you say you were gonna be? I said I was gonna be in Boston, And as always, pothole...
Where'd you say you were going to be?
I said I was going to be in Boston,
and then I went to wrap up the show.
Got it.
Looking right at the name tag and saying,
as always, how I wrap up every episode.
Do you still want to talk, Mark?
No, I crushed.
I'll see you in Boston, buddy.
Potholes are a shithead.
Apparently it's a big problem here
to about eight or ten of you.
This one might be more relatable.
And thank you to everybody for coming,
regardless of whether you suffer from this affliction.
Whiskey dick is a shithead.
Play that theme song.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you,
because Doug loves movies!