Doug Loves Movies - Geoff Tate, Stephen Falk and Matt Braunger guest
Episode Date: January 24, 2017Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in Los Angeles, Doug welcomes Geoff Tate, Stephen Falk and Matt Braunger to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy N...otice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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There's still not one that he won't see
But Doug loves police Hey, everybody.
So, the listeners don't know the long road that it took to get to this moment,
but the show started a little late because producer Matt is backstage going,
oh, my new iPhone doesn't have a jack on it anymore.
So I can't play the Doug Loves Movies theme in the style that I'm accustomed.
So instead, let's just, I don't know what the solution was,
but it sounded like they tried to play it into a microphone over his phone.
So that's what we call fixing it in post.
So apologies to everyone who's here
because you'll hear some other
audience clapping.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you from the Nerd Melt showroom
at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles.
It's Monday, January 23rd,
and this is our fourth show of 2017.
We're doing it, you guys.
Is there a...
What's up with the name tags?
Do we have some name tags?
Yes, we... Oh.
We've already seen
Lana Land, right?
Yeah, but that's a good one.
It's good to see again.
This is a weird one.
All the name tags are on one side
of the crowd. Except for that shitty weird one. Like, all the name tags are on one side of the crowd.
Except for that shitty Elizabeth one.
Your name's Elizabeth, and there was a movie about Queen Elizabeth,
and you drew a stick figure version of her.
Pretty elaborate crown for a stick figure person.
But good job.
And Jason Aimee.
And my face is instead of Aimee's face on the poster
and it's terrifying.
Show everybody.
Maybe this should be more of a show and tell segment.
Because I got a really good reaction.
What? All dogs go to heaven? What's that? Say?
Alicia dogs go to heaven? Okay.
Have you seen the ads for a dog's purpose?
Turns out their purpose isn't to go to heaven.
It's to become a new dog.
Like, I didn't even know that's how reincarnation worked I thought you could come back as something
else but apparently dogs just come back as dogs and that each one of them has a purpose in life
and is to do some fucking bullshit for some dude or maybe a little girl I don't know all the
storylines but like that that dogs are just reincarnated because how could we live without them?
Which there's some truth to how important they are to us,
but it's also just, it's already a sad-ass movie.
And that movie's already in trouble
because there's like footage out there
of like them practically drowning one of the dogs.
God damn it.
I really, it saddens me that dogs might be tortured
On the set of movies
Because I love a dog in a movie
Did you guys
Did you guys hear
I like dogs on film
But you can put the lights down
I'm done with the name tags
But did you guys hear
The new John Wick
John Wick 2
Did you notice he's got like a bigger dog The new John Wick, John Wick 2.
Did you notice he's got, like, a bigger dog?
This one's going to fight back.
That's my prediction.
This dog's not going to go easy.
That last movie was like a puppy.
Puppies don't know they're about to be killed.
Stupid puppies.
Doug plugs, the fifth Doug Loves Movies of this year will be
this Sunday in San Francisco
at Marines Memorial Theater
as part of SF Sketch Fest.
sfsketchfest.com
Then Doug Loves Movies is back here at Meltdown
Comics next Monday
and Tuesday January 31st
we're over at UCB Franklin
for all my dates go to
douglasmovies.com
and I thought instead of doing a long pause
here
I'll point at you guys
and all of you in unison go
that's douglasmovies.com
that's douglasmovies.com That's douglosmovies.com
Oh my god.
That is like, that is creepier than
Scientology.
So now the next show in San Francisco
I'm going to say the first part. I'm going to go
douglosmovies.com and I'm going to go like that.
And we'll see what happens.
We'll see.
We'll see if it catches on and people actually jump in and do that.
Or if there's just awkward silence.
And then I say something like, the prize bag tonight is a beautiful...
I was just at the Hard Rock Casino in Las Vegas for for
several nights for a week one night and so that's the prize bag is the laundry
bag from the hotel and then we've got a super duper sized Douglas movies t-shirts
that'll be fun to wear to bed or something.
And also in the bag is a shirt from our friends at Weedmaps.
A Weedmaps shirt.
Who wouldn't wear that proudly?
Casual Friday, here you come.
And we got a sticker that I got
from something called
Another Babe's Bombshell.
I don't know what that is.
I know what my free cams are.
You may have seen me wear these
in my periscopes and stuff.
I'm a proud owner of these.
It's a pair of white sunglasses
that say my free cams on them,
and they're really cool.
And a Peacemaker pipe from our friends at Peacemaker
that sent me hundreds of pipes.
I'll be giving them away for years to come.
Plus, plus all the stuff that my three terrific guests brought tonight.
These are three of my favorites.
It's always nice to have them back.
Please give a big, warm welcome to Stephen Falk, Matt Bronger, and Jeff Tate.
Hey, fellas.
Hi. Hey, buddy. Hi.
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
Hello.
Let's meet them individually.
That was in perfect order.
We finally found the new Stooges.
Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
But let's meet you individually, starting with Stephen Falk is back, everybody.
Creator of the worst let me rephrase creator of you're the worst on fx
season five four is upon us season four is upon us. We're writing it. You're writing four.
Yeah.
So when do you shoot season four?
Oh, boy.
Like July or June or something.
We're writing.
Writing is a really long time, long process.
Well, it's good that you put a lot into the writing.
That's a hallmark of the show.
And acting, like the two of them.
Right.
Together.
No, that's the thing thing you do all that writing for
months then somebody's gonna come in and act it and you don't know what they're gonna do
right yeah unless you write them apart right if you know what you're doing they should and
they know what they're doing everybody's cool the big question
hey don't give away all the showbiz secrets
well it's funny like so have you seen the movie la la la la land
steven falk i have i saw la la land doug did you enjoy it yeah i can't tell if your uh constant
tweets of quotes is sarcastic or no no i love it. You love it, okay. I find it entirely inspirational.
I can't imagine anybody that's in show business
not finding a place in their heart for that movie
because it's just about people.
They sing it in the very first song in the movie.
It's just like, yeah, we just show up in L.A.
and hope it works out and work on our thing.
So that's what I like about the movie
is that both of the characters figure out
that you gotta DIY it.
You can't just wait for somebody to choose you.
And they both put on their own sort of shows
to get attention.
And it worked for them
because they're fucking Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.
Against the odds. Yeah, they're fucking big eyesling and Emma Stone. Against the odds.
Yeah, they're fucking big eyes in the notebook going at it,
so of course they're going to succeed.
Joy, right?
Incredibly hot talented people have it so hard, man.
We really do.
But her one...
You said we.
That's a good joke. Glad you caught that, Chad. That's a good joke.
Glad you caught that, Chad.
That's a good joke.
But her one-person show was legit bad, right?
Oh, I don't know, because you don't see it,
and her friends are kind of like, mm.
And then she overhears people saying they thought it was bad.
But then that one casting lady was into it.
It was like, this girl can improvise.
Let's bring her in and have her tell us a story. And then her audition, and she tells the story. She's like, this girl can improvise. Let's bring her in
and have her tell us a story.
And then her audition
and she tells the story.
She's like,
yeah, I have this aunt.
She fell into a river.
That's the fucking story.
That happened in the movie?
Yeah.
I haven't seen it yet.
Oh, you gotta.
She sings it as a beautiful song,
but it's still like,
you just told a story
about how your aunt was crazy
and fell into a river in France.
And like,
that's the story that got her the job?
Yeah.
That got her the part?
That's what came into my mind. It's like the worst ASCAP monologue ever.
They're like, how are we going to improv this?
But one of my writers has a deep problem with the movie, which is very nitpicky, but she
can't get over the fact that Emma Stone just left her car at her parents' house.
It flips her the fuck out.
I once left my car
in St. Louis for three weeks.
Yeah, but I believe that, Jeff.
Right? We have it so
tough out here, Matt.
It's so hard for people like us.
It is. My nitpicky thing is that she's an
actress working in a coffee shop on
a studio lot. It's fucking
Warner Brothers in Burbank. And
her boss, when she says, I can't
come in tomorrow. I have an audition. She goes, reschedule
it.
Like, that's how show business works.
And that's, she has a firm
grasp of it. Like, you just call back,
hey, listen, I can't make listen I gotta work in a coffee shop
so
call in sick for your audition not for your job
they'll understand
but you know of course there's lots of
nitpicky things in there but
I love it so I have been quoting it
every day
today's quote was
oh shit I can't Today's quote was Oh shit
I can't remember the exact words
But it's just something about how like
You just have to do your thing until somebody notices
But they word it better than that
That's my La La Land quote of the day
But the reason I brought up La La Land
Which you know, is
poised to get maybe
not the most Oscar nominations, but as
many as Titanic or All About Eve
tomorrow morning.
So by the time people are hearing this
podcast, the news will be out
that Deadpool did not
get a Best Picture nomination.
I'm very disappointed.
But about La La Land, Stephen,
lots of
long scenes
with one take
in that movie.
And
that's a style you like to use
frequently on You're the Worst
this last season. Yeah, it's really easy.
You just let them do it, and then
you put the camera
and then you don't have to cut it.
Yeah.
You just have the camera
follow them around
for ten minutes
of doing stuff.
Then you get in the editing room
and you go,
I'm done.
So that super long shot
in Goodfellas,
they were just like,
fucking follow him,
see what happens.
No, Scorsese had something to do.
They were just trying
to find the restaurant. They were like, I don't think this is the door, Scorsese had something to do. They were just trying to find a restaurant.
No, Scorsese was like, fuck all the coverage.
Let's just go with that master shot.
Someone once told me that if you know what you're doing
and they know what they're doing,
everything's going to be cool.
So long takes or not.
I think that was...
That's true.
I think that was Jesus, Jeff.
Let's meet these other fellas,
because I could talk to Stephen all night long
about you're the worst,
but someone else who's terrible is...
Matt Brogger's here, everybody!
Hi, everybody.
Did you ever have to,
you know the comedy expression,
a bringer show?
Did you ever have to do a bringer show?
Not really.
Yeah, because you could have called it a bronger show.
I've heard that one. We had some real fun with it.
Yeah.
No, I think I did.
I don't think I did.
Because when I started out in Chicago,
we just would kind of throw our own shows in bars.
Like there was one club in town.
There's lots of people in Chicago.
And they wouldn't let us, like any of us on stage.
Yeah.
We don't have to bring people because if you have a bar, people are going to be in there
in Chicago.
Yeah.
Especially in the winter.
We wouldn't do like, I hated doing like what I called kamikaze shows though, where you
just put a mic and a spotlight and people that were just there for a drink or a date
would be like, oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Like that's the worst.
Yeah.
No, I don't like that.
We definitely like paper the rooms. In LA we did in the worst. Yeah, no, I don't like that. We definitely, like, paper the rooms.
In LA, we did it in coffee shops.
Like, get out if you don't want.
Boy, we have really lowered the stakes on kamikazes, haven't we?
No, and then one of us would kill ourselves taking the crowd with them.
Only one.
You didn't let me finish, Jeff.
Only one.
I've been to Chicago.
Only one.
Welcome to the new kamikazes.
Where you don't die.
These ain't your granddaddy's kamikazes.
They killed your granddaddy's.
These are newer and dumber kamikazes.
Or your daddy's, which is basically just a sour and vodka shot.
That's it.
It's a drink. You guys never...
Sour and vodka?
Okay.
Yeah, it's sour from the gun. Oh, alright. That's how you make a kamikaze. It's a drink. You guys never... All right. Sour and vodka? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, it's sour from the gun.
Oh, all right.
That's how you make a kamikaze.
It's terrible.
What's up with you, Matt?
What's going on right now?
Just, you know, touring this great country of ours
under this fantastic leader we've got now.
And, oh, what's coming up?
I'm doing a special this year.
Are we allowed...
Can we have interstate travel under this new president?
I'm hoping.
Are we allowed to move around freely?
I'm hoping I get led into red states.
All the shit I've talked about that guy.
Oh, wow.
We'll see.
We'll see.
Yeah.
And I,
I've got a pilot coming out on Amazon
called the new VIPs
that I'm doing a voice in.
So,
hey,
look out for that.
Is it animated? Yes, it's animated. It's myself and Ben Schwartz. Because, you know, you could have been doing a voice in. So, hey, look out for that. Is it animated?
Yes, it's animated.
It's myself and Ben Schwartz.
Because, you know, you could have been doing a voice
in a live action thing.
Yeah.
It could have been like a talking stapler.
You could have been the raccoon or something.
Talking stapler.
I play the angry stapler.
Who's always drunk.
Old Jack Stapley.
He's been there a long time.
That's also from the Bible.
The talking snake?
That's also from the Bible. I said snake? That's also from the Bible.
I said stapler, Jeff.
I wasn't listening.
I love the indignance.
Like, it's my fault you weren't listening.
I wasn't listening.
Couldn't you tell I wasn't listening to you?
They don't have staplers in the Bible, Jeff.
You've seen how the binding works on a Bible, right?
There's no staples. Jeff Tate is here, everybody. You've seen how the binding works on a Bible, right? There's no staples.
Jeff Tate is here, everybody!
What's happening, everybody?
I'm out here just touring
Bible factories.
Checking the bindings
on Bible factories.
So many Bible factories.
How do you hit them all?
Yeah, boy.
It is not easy.
I only have five days and two fish.
Half a loaf.
Yeah, there's like 5,000 factories I got to hit.
We could do this all night.
There's a lot of dumb shit from the Bible,
but we don't need to get into it.
I just want to see you as a pastor, and that's your
first line. There's a lot of dumb shit in the Bible.
We got a lot to get to.
Fuck, I'm in.
Would you like to see Jeff
as a bailiff?
You should say yes to this one.
It's a lot more likely than that pastor
thing you want to see.
Because Jeff turned in
a wonderful performance
as a bailiff
on my new show,
The High Court,
that's going to be on
Comedy Central.
Yeah.
Starting on February 27th.
I did an episode
of the web version with you.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're a great guy.
Yeah, and Jeff
was a really good bailiff.
Excellent.
You can see him doing that soon.
It's like being a cop, but without all that stuff you got to do.
Yeah, it's mostly just kind of watching and hanging out.
In the case of the high court, we listen to the litigants,
and then we go into the deliberation room, and we
smoke weed, and
make a real decision.
Yeah.
Well, in ancient
Mesopotamia, the lawmakers would
write laws drunk.
Jesus, Jeff!
They would write laws.
Don't get him high before the show ever again.
Yeah, no.
He doesn't like to let people finish their sentences.
And then write laws, and then they would check them when they're sober,
and if they checked it, they were good.
So you should make your judgments high and then check them sober.
Oh, well, I am checking them sober because I have to be in the editing room
after the fact, and I'm like, I said that?
That was pretty smart of me to say that.
Like, I'm pretty happy with all of my decisions,
but people will get to argue with me about it
because that's what people do.
And it's a very divided country we live in.
So every one of my cases,
people will probably get on my case about my decision,
but it was super fun to do.
The ones I saw, I agreed with everything you did.
I thought it was all excellent.
You're a good judge.
Yeah, don't get so down on yourself, Doug.
Don't get so down on high Doug.
High Doug's fun.
I don't know.
Yeah, well, I'm high right now, but I don't know.
Is there any other Doug than high Doug?
I don't know.
There's just woke up Doug.
Okay, there we go.
Doug's got five minutes before he's right hitting that bowl again, Doug.
But yeah, I'm high most of the time because people are going to say I am even if I'm not.
That's what I found out about me.
Might as well be.
Everyone's just like, why are you so high?
And I wasn't.
And I was like, I'd just be high.
That's more fun.
I'm going to get blamed for it. Plus at me why wouldn't i be what am i gonna be an athlete there's probably something in between athletes could get high yeah
but i feel you marijuana and athletes they go together pretty well i think
i would want to be high if I did that stuff.
Here's a question we ask everyone, Stephen,
that's on the show before we get to the games portion.
Have you been to the movies lately?
What's the last movie that you saw?
Oh, boy, yeah.
I went to Ipik in Pasadena.
Oh, that's crazy.
You're like in a fucking lounge chair.
Yeah, because I have no respect for money anymore.
Yeah, what does a ticket cost?
Like 30 bucks or something?
Like a billion, yeah, like 89. And then another 30, 40 for dinner?
Yeah, yeah, and drinks.
And we saw the Worth Every Goddamn Penny split.
Starring James McAvoy and Betty Buckley.
starring James McAvoy and Betty Buckley.
I thought that movie was named
after the expected audience reaction.
Yeah.
Well, I mean...
They'd either leave
or they'd be quite divided about it.
Oh, it's good.
I mean, it's multiple personalities,
so McAvoy gets to play a lot of people
and then Betty Buckley's the therapist
and then some girls get caught.
And then at the end...
Wait, why would you give away
the end of a Shyamalan?
That's not cool.
You just walk away like...
Is it twisty?
Yeah.
Yeah, but in a way that it did...
It just didn't make any...
It's not...
Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
Everyone go see it, right,
and then come back,
and I want to talk about this.
You don't have to give away the ending,
but is the ending,
you can just nod,
that he's just an actor
practicing a one-man show,
and he's locked those girls in the house
to rehearse it.
You got it.
Because if you're listening at home,
it's not spoiled for you. And those four
girls all called into their audition
or whatever. Callback.
It's fine.
Is the ending of that movie
not just you just blink?
Was it stupid?
Okay.
That's all I want to know.
What?
That's all I want to know.
Wait, he did or didn't blink, listener.
That's the twist.
All right.
He closed his eyes all the way for a little bit.
That's not a blink.
You never know.
That's the Shyamalan twist.
It pulled down some big coin.
It did, big coin.
40 mil.
Yeah.
Like double, triple X.
I gave like three million of that at the IPEC.
Yes, it is an expensive theater.
That's how I pulled in so much dough.
Oh man, they count the concessions for that movie too?
Turkey Slider is like a billion dollars.
Matt, what was the last motion picture you saw with your eyes?
Live by Night, I saw.
What?
Live by Night, I saw it myself.
Yes.
I'm the only one who saw it.
No, I saw it.
You saw it?
Yeah.
Affleck saw it.
I read the book, and I really like Dennis Lehane, and boy, that movie is not good.
It's fun to look at.
It's got a lot of action that makes no sense, but Ben Affleck is extremely husky, like The Rock.
And when you put those men in suits, they look like fucking toddlers.
Yeah.
And so I'm, anytime he came on screen in a big cream-colored baby at a wedding outfit.
They were all cream.
In my head.
And by the end of the movie, I was saying it out loud.
I'd just go, baby in a suit, every time he showed up on screen.
And people were laughing around me.
I wasn't obstreperous.
I didn't blurt it out.
But it's just, I mean, he's giving out his little mafia wisdom.
But you're like, ah, bitch's cheeks.
Look at him.
I felt like that movie was bullying me by the end of it.
Like, fuck you.
We're a movie.
You're going to stay here until it's over.
Hey, hey, hey, don't check your phone.
Look at me.
Oh, Jeff can't get up.
Jeff can't get up.
It looked like a really expensive bad play.
Like nothing fit well.
Did that Hitler line make you barf?
Yes.
Oh, man, it's the worst.
It was the worst.
Well, and the guy, the Nazi who's killing everybody.
Yeah, fuck that guy, right? Well, it's like worst it was the worst well and the guy the Nazi who's killing everybody yeah fuck that guy right
well it's like
they made you hate him
they even gave him
like a hair lip
and a disfigured face
and he talked
in a real high voice
like it's one of those things
where like
let's really make everyone
hate this guy
for reasons other than
being a Nazi
like you need
other reasons
like he was a Nazi
and like a fucking tool
yeah
and he wasn't he wasn't cool at all.
Is this a bit or is this about,
is there really a hair-lipped Nazi in this Ben Affleck movie?
No, there really is.
There really is.
One of the villains that,
it's one of those things where they're going,
ooh, don't you want to see this guy get shot so bad?
And I'm like, just hurry up and shoot him.
It's coming.
Not only was he a racist Nazi,
he was like kind of a dick about it.
Like couldn't be cool about it. Mm-hmm.
Like couldn't be cool about it.
If you saw the movie, that would make sense.
As ignorant as that sounds.
I know what you're trying to say.
But it's just so pandering.
It's like when you watch a movie and like the music swells
because someone's dying
and you're like,
oh, I'm supposed to cry right here okay it was with that every time that guy showed
up you're like oh i'm supposed to hate this guy and i you could have just said he's a nazi and
you the hate's there like right away it's there or you could have just been like this guy is like
this this is how we act you're like i kind of hope someone kills him like if he wasn't a nazi
still be like just kill that guy but all that stuff together is just like too much.
The top Nazis
have to be pretty smooth dudes
just to get to that position.
Not in the old South of Florida.
Not in Tampa.
In Tampa,
you can be balding at 30
and just...
Most of this movie
takes place in Ybor City, Doug,
which is the place
where they gave me directions to walk back to the hotel.
The least likely way I would get robbed.
Uh-huh.
I got those two.
And that was in 2010.
The improv?
Yeah.
They're like, you got to take this street to this street because all those lights are on.
Uh-huh.
If you go any other way, you might get robbed.
Whatever you do, don't take the non-lit streets.
It's full of pirates.
And I believed them, and you would too
if you have ever been to Ybor City
or seen Live By Night.
That's what sucks about playing that club
is you're walking home to your hotel,
there's pirates everywhere,
and you just got paid in doubloons.
This big groaning sack of clanking doubloons.
It's jingle jangling
the whole way.
You can only soft step
so much
before you're gonna...
The first time I was there,
one of them Twilight movies
came out,
so that whole goddamn downtown
was filled with teenage vampires,
which really adds to the...
Stick to the lit streets.
There's no difference.
That whole area
has teenage vampires all the time what
was so was live by night which like for the longest time I never heard it said
out loud so I thought the movie might be called live by night by night that's how
I asked for the vampire movie or something what what was the last movie you saw, Jeff?
Was it that one?
No, the last movie I saw is called The Hard Word.
And it's an Australian movie with Joel Edgerton and Guy Pearce.
And oh, man.
It's from like 2005 or whatever.
Halfway through, I decided, I was like, maybe it's a comedy.
And then from that point point on it got better
and there was also a moment where i was like maybe this is based on a tv show that i've never seen
like the whole it was fucking guy pierce has a fake nose for no reason the whole movie it just
has a fucking rubber nose that's super hot so you spend the first 30 minutes going, which one of these motherfuckers is Guy Pearce?
And then he's trying to, like,
his wife is like his hatchet, his lady.
Maybe you'd be able to remember which one is him
if you looked at your Guy Pearce tattoo on your body.
Memento, come on.
All right, so...
I have a tattoo that says I've already seen Memento.
We don't have time for like 20 minutes on this movie.
It sounds like you got a lot to say about it.
Cut to, was it worthwhile ultimately?
I think if you watch it thinking it's a comedy the whole time,
it's probably pretty funny.
But no.
What's the hard word?
I don't know.
I think it was just understanding their Australian accents.
So all of them.
All the words were quite difficult.
Blimey!
Or whatever. That was British.
You really don't have a guess
as to why it's called that?
I think it's called that because
they engage in butcher
talk, which is
where they would just say their words backwards,
and then that would pop up on the screen in subtitles,
which would fuck up the subtitles I already had on the screen
so I could understand what they were saying.
So that part was extra difficult.
I had subtitles stacked up,
and they went in both directions.
They would put the subtitles up on the screen backwards.
You had the subtitles on in an English-speaking film.
Yeah, yeah.
And then they had moments where they were speaking with such thick accents
that they put subtitles in.
And the two subtitles were over each other.
Yeah.
And then I had no idea what they were saying.
Yeah, you were fucked.
And that part was supposed to be like secrets between the brothers each other. Yeah. And then I couldn't, then I had no idea what they were saying. Yeah, you were fucked.
You know,
and that part was supposed to be like secrets
between the brothers
so you could really
keep up with the story.
So the parts where
the subtitles were
on top of each other
were really important.
Did you think about
turning off the subtitles
that you would have turned on?
I thought about
all kinds of things.
I thought about
making better choices.
I thought about why does Joel Edgerton
look like Elvis Presley in this movie?
He's got Elvis Presley hair.
Oh, he did?
Jailhouse Rock.
That's a good look.
It's very funny.
Those are good actors.
I was very surprised it was weird.
That fake nose, man.
Real fucking $12 disaster.
Did you like Matt Damon's fake nose in Ocean's 13?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I think it played.
Well done.
That is amazing that a line from that movie
would get that good of a laugh.
Like, people watch that fucking movie,
like on cable, when it's on.
And you watch it
like a little angry
watching it.
Like, why weren't
these movies better?
Everybody is in them.
Like, they couldn't
get help with the screenplay?
Maybe that was the problem.
They had all the writers, too.
Like, every writer was just hanging out writing parts.
But they said out loud, Clooney and Pitt,
that Ocean's 13 was an apology for Ocean's 12,
and Ocean's 13 is arguably worse than 12.
I don't even think it's arguable.
Ocean's 12 is better.
Because it's got a scene that takes eight minutes of watching a guy dance around the laser lights
outside of a vault where the artwork is but i said that because i think he just told them that story
i don't think he really did it nobody can do kickflips that's the thing about soderbergh
movies is after it's over you can just you can just sit around going I don't think any of that happened
I said that
he's just so artsy
all the time
I said that thing
about Ocean's 12
being better
and I have forgotten
about the part
about the laser
so I'm digging
my heels in
it's way better now
might be better
than Ocean's 11
and I'm remembering
that he told them
that happened so he told them that happened.
So he told them every single dance flip he did.
Yeah, what a fucking boring story.
Then I did like a back flip.
And then I went on this leg for about two seconds.
Yeah, like George and...
And I had to wait.
And then I flipped again.
George and Julie are on their third bottle of wine
when they cut back to them.
Hearing that story.
Then what?
But also, Ocean's just got, Ocean's Twelve
just has that huge section
where they trick
Bruce Willis
into thinking
that Tess
is Julia Roberts.
And it's just like,
what are you guys doing?
Stop.
What the hell
is happening?
You guys have never
watched a movie
and been like,
but that's Julia Roberts.
Why is nobody
just being like,
you're Julia Roberts? No, that's the thing. It's her is nobody just being like you're julia roberts no that's the
thing is her character from the first movie they have to go back and fix it george lucas style
her character in the first movie would have people just occasionally going are you julia roberts and
she had to be like no no no i'm not julia roberts like they could have set it up for a whole movie
they're finally like oh we should have you pretend to be julia roberts i do feel i do hate that like
i wish that in Lethal Weapon
you saw him pop his shoulder out
so he could do it in Lethal Weapon 2
and it wasn't in the same movie.
They made a whole movie
where his shoulder didn't fucking factor in at all.
What?
I mean, that's definitely true.
He wasn't shoulder popping in one of those movies?
He wasn't shoulder popping in the first one.
It was in the second one they established he could do that at the beginning
so that it could come up at the end.
But they could have had it in the first one.
I don't think he's always shoulder popping.
No, but I don't mean, like, don't trick me into thinking he's never done this before.
But it hurts real bad.
He only does it to win money.
He only does it for money or to not die.
Yeah, right.
The two most important reasons.
The two most important things in the world.
From the Bible. Stephen, if you had to pick
which one of these
two is the worst?
Here's what's going on right now.
He can't remember my name.
I know Jeff's name, but it's Julia Roberts is the word.
Great answer.
Does that ever happen on your show, the actors on your show?
No one's ever like, hey, you're Julia Roberts.
Yeah, all the time.
You should put a scene in there, like a one long take scene where someone's like, ain't you that guy?
Yeah, we'll do that.
Ain't you that guy, Julia Roberts?
Ain't you that guy, Julia Roberts? Ain't you that guy, Julia Roberts?
I mean, not every time you quote.
Apparently Ocean's 12 quotes don't work as well as Ocean's 13 quotes.
Because ain't you that guy, Julia Roberts,
is what Bruce Willis says in Ocean's 12.
That's how he gets into the room.
Ain't you that guy, Julia Roberts?
Really?
No.
Here's a part of the show where I say,
let the games begin!
Name tags!
Lots of good ones.
You guys each have to
pick one and bring it back to your seat
and while you do that we'll do this
we'll be back after this brief
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Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Great job, everybody.
Jeff, who are you playing for?
Brad.
Brad Boyz II.
So he took like a...
He took some street trash.
Chunk of weed.
I mean, chunk of...
A solid block of weed.
And he wrote Brad Boys 2 on it
and then three question marks
in the corner there
and it says
you ain't seen
Brad Boys 2
yeah you ain't seen
Brad Boys 2
three question marks
oh okay
you ain't seen
Brad Boys 2
thank you
wow
thank you
flawless terrible British accent
That was Australian
Alright Matt who are you playing for?
I'm playing for American Betty
So many of these signs I see they're ultra masculine
I like this one
And it's basically the American Beauty
The image with the girl and the flowers
and the roses.
It's a Doug face badge. And my face is in the crotch?
Yep. It's a Doug flower
surrounded badge. Wow.
Lovely.
Mina
Suvari
was the name of that girl.
All right.
You sound like you're wistfully remembering something.
Oh, man, if only my face was her vagina.
What was the other girl's name in that?
Thora Birch.
Thora Birch from Ghost World.
She had a nice run there for a second and then disappeared.
Let's all have a moment of silence for Thora Birch.
Yeah, yeah.
Her career ended like four months before Mina Suvari's.
Yeah.
And whatever happened to Simon Birch?
All of the Birches are disappearing.
Back to Birch Manor.
Who are you playing for, Steven?
Alicia Dogs Go to Heaven. Yeah.
And there's... And you're a little
cute basset hound. Oh, okay.
Yeah, that name tag prompted a whole discussion
of this movie, A Dog's Purpose.
Yeah.
You never have animals on You're the Worst, do you?
We do, yeah. Where?
On screen. Like in the frame of...
I didn't mean to throw a hardball question at you.
Where is there an animal in your show?
There are.
We've had numerous animals and animal trainers.
When I saw that TMZ video, I recognized that sort of attitude
because sometimes
it's tough.
Yeah.
They're a little mean to their dogs.
And dogs, dogs, you know, dogs do what they want to do.
We had a cat too and cats are untrainable.
So they just, we had to have a cat on a bookshelf, like a book, bookstore cat.
So the character walks in and is like, oh, hey, you're a cat in a bookstore.
And they just had a little, they just tied him to the bookshelf
so he couldn't go anywhere.
I was like, oh, what a well-trained cat.
And then I looked and he was just tied.
They gave it four Ativan
and it was just hanging out.
It's tough.
It's a tough business.
They gave him Catavan.
Thanks, everybody.
No, thank you very much.
I know we all love horrible puns.
What an asshole.
Alright, you guys.
Let's get serious here.
And
play some games.
Oh, wait.
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
Almost forgot that part.
What do you got, Steven?
Well, I got a bunch of junk from my show.
Love it.
Just because, well, this is a flask.
This is a wrap gift, so you can pretend you worked on the show.
Oh, okay.
Which season was this?
Last season.
You didn't get one. You didn't get one.
I didn't get one.
Oh, I should have brought you one.
That's all right.
There's a hat from the show.
Nice.
Says you're the worst.
Oh, there's a lunchbox from the show.
Oh, I got one of those.
I got the lunchbox.
Yeah, that's good.
And then, wait, and then there's two DVDs.
There's the Revenant.
There's a bear in it.
And Man of Steel.
There's no bear in that
and then
and then I was like
for some reason
I was embarrassed
by my
do you judge all movies
by bear or no bear
well that's how I
it's just how I organize
them on my shelf
please tell me
the bear section
is covered in fur.
Like that scene in High Fidelity where he's like,
I organized these biographically or whatever,
and he's like, I organized all these records
by who had seen a bear last.
Who's a bear?
Who saw a bear most recently.
And then I put $5 in it because I was feeling embarrassed
because I found it in my car,
and so I just threw it in there.
Oh, okay.
I'm just bribing you, Alicia.
Well, or whoever.
You're assuming you're going to win?
Yeah, no.
Yeah.
Probably not.
All right, so thank you for bringing all of that stuff.
That's great.
Great contribution.
What do you got there, Matt Bronger?
One thing.
It's a great thing, though.
This is my second album, Shovel Fighter,
and there aren't a lot of these left,
which is cool because it has...
If I can get it.
Oh, is there some sort of...
A calendar.
Special thing inside?
It's white vinyl.
White vinyl.
Which I love because the guy on the cover is like a 70s guy,
and he's one of those guys who'd be like, white vinyl, sounds better.
Like, no, it doesn't.
No, it's like cooler.
Yeah, that guy's a dick.
Look at him.
What a douchebag.
And how'd he get in the woods?
That's where his songs are from.
Yeah.
But that's awesome
No I mean that was
The inspiration for the cover
Where you see those
70s albums
With the guys in a beautiful suit
Like in the middle of the woods
Like was he airlifted
He's not dusty at all
How'd he get there
Oh yeah yeah
Just pass that down
To me there man
Oh okay sorry
That's alright
We're supposed to believe
You walked to this clearing
Dan Fogelberg
You appeared there
Glenn Campbell
Don't lie to us
Glenn Campbell Might have't lie to us.
Glenn Campbell might have wandered.
Okay, Jeff.
By the time he gets to Phoenix,
one person.
Thank you very much.
What do you got, Jeff?
I have a copy of my album.
It's a guy.
Look, it's me eating hot dogs.
How did he get there?
Maybe a helicopter.
Right?
We don't know.
It's a good record.
Three of these bits are Matt, so it's a solid thing.
I got a pen that says Jeff Tate's Mashed Podcasto, which I believe is the name of my podcast.
And I have a shirt that's got
my name like the dang old Strokes logo.
That's cool.
But it's a small, so
good luck with that other shirt
and then this shirt.
Hope you got some friends.
Hey, I have a shirt party.
Right, we have shirts
for Jay and Silent Bob.
All of that is going to be somebody's tonight,
and the first game we're going to play
to help us determine a winner
is a little something called Doing Lines with Mark.
Doing Lines!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Oh.
Man.
Wow.
Wow.
Oscar nominations
are out tomorrow.
Wait, you think
you're a lock for tomorrow?
Okay.
I haven't seen it yet,
but the reviews are good.
What?
Okay. But it was... I don't see it.
But it was...
I don't think that's how it works.
But it was...
You know, it was in limited release
in New York and LA to try to get
Oscar buzz going.
But I think it might be too little
too late. I don't know.
I don't know if we're gonna call it anymore
or if we're all gonna fucking stand up and cry and cheer. little too late. I don't know.
We're all going to be asleep when that happens, man.
They announce it at 5.30 a.m. Pacific time.
Holy shit. That's a real
time? It's a real time.
You don't think maybe Deepwater
Horizon is going to split that vote?
Let's get nominated for both.
I don't care.
That's rather unprecedented, but maybe you'll get nominated for both.
Yeah.
What else was I in last year?
Fucking Daddy's Home.
Let's nominate all these fucking movies.
Daddy's Home was the year before, I think.
Yeah, it came out at Christmas time.
Christmas time of 2015, I think.
My mom wanted to see it for some reason.
Oh, maybe we got nominated
last year and I forgot about it.
What's up, Jeff Tate?
Hey, buddy.
Dude, how you doing, Matt Bronger?
Oh, hi.
We've actually never met before.
What's your name?
Oh, Steven.
Hi.
Oh, yeah, you the fucking...
So you have the show
You're the Worst?
Yeah.
Then how the hell
have you not cast
Donnie Wahlberg in this show?
Sick burn.
In fact, why don't you just change the title to Donnie Wahlberg in this show? Sick burn. In fact, why don't you just change
the title to Donnie Wahlberg? Everybody will get it.
Should.
Oh, man.
I can't wait to hang that
over his head. The one thing you were made for
you can't even fucking get out.
Now finish cleaning the garage.
Did you see that I thought you'd appreciate
that people had signs at the Trump protests
saying, shut the fuck up, Donnie?
Fuck yeah, dude.
I told them, I'm like, come by the house
as soon as you guys are done.
I'll feed all of you. Just walk around Donnie? Fuck yeah, dude. I told him, I'm like, come by the house as soon as you guys are done. I'll feed all of you. Just walk
around Donnie's room.
But I will say this. I looked
at him the other morning when he was cleaning the floor and I was like,
Donnie, how does it feel
to now you're just the second worst Donnie
in this fucking country?
Yeah. Things are looking up for
Donnie Wahlberg.
We should make shirts that say the only Don that matters and it's for Donnie Wahlberg. We should make shirts that say the only Don that matters,
and it's fucking Donnie Wahlberg.
Oh, I like that.
Let's do it.
I wear shirts.
All the proceeds go to anyone other than Donnie.
Oh, I like spiteful communism like that,
where you're like, fuck you, everyone gets some.
Yeah, everybody but one person. But one person one person yeah you want to do some lines i think the proceeds should go to
vaccinations for children all right i'm into it let's do it because you know how his wife jenny
oh yeah because she fucking she's a cuckoo yeah wait you say that like publicly about your
brother's wife?
Oh, yeah.
You think it just stops at Donnie?
My brother's fair game, but everybody else is off limits.
You want to do some lines?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's do some lines.
So Mark's going to say a line.
Man, Mark looks amazing. He's going to say a line. Man, Mark looks amazing.
He's going to say a line from a motion picture,
probably not one of his own,
because we went through all of those.
So majestic.
Just guess as often as you'd like.
And we just guess them.
First person to get it right.
And he says something first before he says the line.
Look good, feel good.
You look good. Disregard this part.
You feel good.
Now here comes the line.
You died on Saturday morning.
I had you buried
under our tree.
And I took your dad's house and I had that
bulldozed.
You died on Saturday morning and I had you buried under our tree is this poorly written are you starting over I took your dad's
house and I had a bulldozed guess what dude you died on Saturday what's this from? You guys don't know?
Wait, I think I've seen it. I don't know either.
I had you buried under a tree.
Does it live by night?
I thought the same.
That'd be a little soon.
I took your dad's house
and I had a bulldoze.
Hey, guess what, motherfucker?
Saturday morning,
you died, dude.
Flatliners.
And I took your body, and I dug it into our fucking tree.
What tree?
Patriot's Day.
At your dad's house.
Is it Patriot's Day?
I had it bulldozed.
I think she knows what it is.
Do not answer.
Don't say it from the audience.
Put your hand in the air if you know what it is, though.
Oh, yes.
Make them feel bad.
People know it.
Of course they do.
But give us a different line from them. Okay, you ready? Yeah. I'm going to continue that fucking line. Oh, yes. Make them feel bad. People know it. Of course they do. But give us a different line from them.
Okay, you ready?
Yeah.
I'm going to continue that fucking line.
Oh, good.
Oh, you could have done that earlier.
Maybe it's a giveaway.
Unless I'm doing Days Confused.
You only got 17 more fucking lines to go through.
Ready?
Here we go.
I'm going to feel good.
You died on Saturday What?
And I had you buried
Under a tree
Yeah okay
In your dad's house
Oh
I took it
And had it bulldozed
Okay
Mama always said
Uh huh
Dying was part of life
Oh
But I sure wish it wasn't
Forrest Gump
It is fucking forrest g. Forrest Gump.
It is fucking Forrest Gump.
Sorry.
Way to go, Matt Pronger. You did it.
Way to fucking go, dude.
Way to fucking go, dude.
So the person who dies is that lady who has AIDS.
Yeah, that fucking Playboy actress girl.
Yeah, she had like invented AIDS or whatever.
Dude, she went on to be like the president or something.
You just delivered the line so badass it was like a threat. I know, right like invented AIDS or whatever. Dude, she went on to be like the president or something. You just delivered the line so
badass it was like a threat. I know, right?
It sounded like you were like,
you died. Like you're
not dead, but let me tell you right now, you're already under that
tree. And a bulldozer, father's
fucking house. Sometimes I look people in the eye and I tell
them how much they mean to me and then I fucking punch them.
You could
have been like, I miss you, Jenny.
Boom. I miss you. Right? And I'd have been like Jesus. Now take a boot. Yep. I mean, I miss you Jenny boom I miss you
right
and I'd have been like
Jesus
now take a boot
I mean I would never do
I would never do that
but you never fucking know
alright Doug
that was great
hey
good job
can I tell everybody
something real quick
you still doing
your stage show
fucking A dude
we're doing the
Wahlberg solution
this fucking weekend
Friday night
Saturday night
SF Sketch Fest and guess this shit first one I ever did this motherfucker was on it right here Fucking A, dude. We're doing the Wahlberg solution this fucking weekend, Friday night, Saturday night,
SF Sketch Fest.
And guess this shit.
First one I ever did,
this motherfucker was on it right here, Matthew Bronger.
The next one I do,
the next one I do,
this motherfucker's gonna be on it
Friday night,
SF Sketch Fest with Jeff Tate.
Steve,
we'll do one at your house.
You just fucking name the time.
Put Donnie on your show.
It's a fair fucking trade.
All right. I'mnie on your show. It's a fair fucking trade. All right.
I'm going to go do laps.
All right.
See you later.
Wait.
So when does that happen in Forrest Gump?
Those are the last words of the movie.
Oh, really?
I don't know.
Yeah, he's talking to Jenny.
At a gravestone?
Yeah.
He's just describing, so that was Forrest Gump talking?
Mm-hmm.
Forrest Gump was always really pragmatic.
He would just say exactly what happened.
You know, when you just say it like that,
it sounds like a threat.
I bulldozed your house, or your dad's house.
You're done in this town. Did Mark take off?
Is Mark still here?
Mark, get out here.
Because you really...
You really...
What's up, dude?
Jeff, I got to borrow your mic.
Deal with it.
You really... You really sold... dude? Jeff, I gotta borrow your mic. Deal with it. You really...
You really sold...
Stop trying to act like Mark.
You delivered the lines of Forrest Gump
like how Mark Wahlberg would say them.
Yeah, what other fucking way is there?
But you didn't Forrest Gump it up at all.
How would you fucking do that?
Well, you...
Try to sound like Forrest Gump.
The only thing I have in common with Forrest Gump is fucking strong cardio.
That is it.
And you can't get AIDS by fucking.
This is why I took his microphone away.
Yeah, I'm glad he didn't
I'm glad no one got to hear that
do you want me to try it?
no really quick I'd like to hear
I'd like to hear
Mark Wahlberg saying one of the more iconic
lines from the film
I think you know
which ones I mean
give us another one
I'm not a smart man I think you know which ones I mean. Like, give us another one. Okay.
I'm not a smart man.
But I know what love is.
I'm not a smart man.
Oh, Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump.
It is fucking Forrest Gump.
That's Forrest Gump.
Thank you.
Mark Wahlberg, everybody. Yay.
Exquisite.
I like how you romanced that one up.
Life is like a box of chocolates.
All right.
So Matt Bronger won that first game.
So that means you get to go first in this next game.
I'm very excited to announce
it's a Last Man Stanton tournament.
We're playing to two points.
First one of you guys to get to two points is the winner.
But I play along as well.
We'll get a name from somebody in the audience.
And we'll take turns naming movies that person's been in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
But you can go to your lifeline once each round.
And your lifeline is the person
whose name tag you chose.
So at any point you can go to them and go,
give me an answer.
And then they're going to say,
sorry.
You're F'd.
I can't help you.
Yeah, something like that.
And then
first person out
in each round
gets to select the name of the actor or actress
in the next round, so you can get really strategic.
I like to go James Whitmore.
Shut everybody down.
There's a gentleman in the audience
who reached out to me on Twitter.
Several people did.
Sorry, you can't pick everybody.
But is Slurmcastpod here?
Yes.
What is Slurmcastpod?
It's a podcast about Futurama.
A podcast about Futurama.
Futurama.
So I'm sorry for my ignorance, but Slurm is a word used in Futurama?
All over the place in Futurama.
It's like a product name or something?
It's a tasty beverage called slurm.
It comes out of a worm's butt.
It comes out of a worm's butt, hence the name slurm.
It's from the slot of a worm and so the podcast is entirely about Futurama episode by episode you talk about each one and you got a lot of listeners? Uh. Ah.
Maybe in the future.
Um.
It's a good amount.
It's a good amount.
Good for you.
We've gotten some nice attention. There's a lot of niche stuff out there, yeah.
Yeah.
Is there a You're the Worst podcast yet?
I don't think so, no.
There should be one where they recap You're the Worst.
I've said that to podcasts before, though.
You are the worst podcast.
I'm just kidding.
Why am I listening to this?
That's what I...
Anyway.
I thought we were playing a game.
Thanks, Jeff.
So Slurmcast Pod is going to suggest a name
for the first round tonight.
What do you want?
Halle Berry.
The crowd's not that into it.
Oh, they're into it.
I'm all right with Halle Berry.
I could go a few rounds of Halle Berry.
She's an interesting one, though.
All right, so we'll start with you, Matt,
and then we'll go to Jeff,
and then me, and then Steven.
Name a Halle Berry movie.
Boomerang.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
That was that much of a deep cut?
It's one of my favorite
Australian films.
Yeah.
Eddie Murphy's like
you call that a boomerang
Jeff
Swordfish
oh yeah
that's where we gotta see them tits
so I'll just keep the Halle Berry tits
theme going
say monsters ball So I'll just keep the Halle Berry tits theme going.
Say monster's ball.
Catwoman?
Yeah.
Jungle fever.
All right.
You don't have to tell us your personal issues.
Don't remember?
That was just my fantasy.
I'm a total creep.
I want to fuck her.
It's not a movie, man.
Come on, dude.
You haven't seen that?
I'm sorry.
I have eloquent Tourette's. I called English
Is that what you mean?
You're up next Jeff
You old fuck
She is in
The Last Boy Scout
Good one
Yeah I was excited I was going to use that one She is in The Last Boy Scout. Mm-hmm. Oh, good one. Yeah.
I was excited.
I was going to use that one.
So I'm going to have to go with...
The Flintstones.
Wow.
Isn't she in that X-Men movie?
Yeah but you gotta know which one And what the fuck they're called
Oh
But
The first one was just X-Men
Yeah I think you're
I think you're in good shape there
It's a cop out but X2
He's going X-Man.
You go X2.
I'm going to say X-Man 3,
The Last Stand. Said the whole thing.
Good job.
Yeah, that was a really good job.
Thank you. I'm going to go a different way
with this.
I'm going to say
Gothica.
Wow. Oh, shit. Oh, my. gonna say gothica oh shit oh my oh shit what is that that vincent d'onofrio
um it's uh didn't uh robert downey jr who's very vincent dOnofrio-esque. Sure.
I'm going to say... Do you want to go to your lifeline?
No.
You got another one?
I'm going to say Good Hair.
Oh.
That Chris Rock movie about hair?
She shows up?
Totally guessing.
No.
It's a hair movie about black women that Chris Rock made.
So you're guessing Halle Berry's in it just based on that?
I mean, everything he said checks
out.
Tactics. And it turns out
all these white people in the back of a comic book
store in West Hollywood aren't really challenging
him on it either.
Everyone here
is afraid to be like, she wasn't in Boomerang
because maybe she was, maybe she
wasn't. None of us know.
Alright, so you're out.
I mean, she might be in good hair.
She might be, but I don't know.
That's the tricky one.
But you get to pick the name we do in the next round,
so think about it.
Strategize.
Pick somebody.
You're the only one that knows what movies they've been in.
Have you been in any movies?
Because you can say your own name.
Matt. Matt Halle Berry
oh we're still going
yeah
oh I thought
I thought stopped
after someone dropped out
no no
well I
I know the movie
and I know I'm gonna
I'm gonna butcher the title
and this might
I might
use your lifeline
yeah why not Betty Dine of betty dine of the day nice good one in the pocket
nice work thank you
wait who's hallie berry Halle Berry. She was in that one.
She was in a movie called Perfect Stranger
with Bruce Willis.
Corporate intrigue.
It was like Disclosure,
but for the new millennium, and no one saw it.
Which, between Willis and her,
who played Balky Balkatonimus?
Bruce Willis.
Bruce Willis played Balky and just kept walking around
going, uh,
hey, ain't you Halle Berry?
Ain't you that dude Halle Berry?
I'm just gonna have to
believe you on this one, Jeff.
And I'm gonna go with a movie
that I think she was in
and you guys can tell me
I'm wrong
fuck she wasn't in that god damn it
there's one artsy
movie she was in I don't want to give too much
away but I can't think of a
title of it so instead
I'm going to go with
X-Men Apocalypse.
No, she doesn't show up in that.
All right, I'm out.
Matt?
BAPS.
Yeah!
What?
BAPS?
It took me forever to get it,
but I found it.
Black American Princesses.
Is that the one you were thinking of?
No, that was another one. Oh, shit. So you got another one? I don't know if I have the title Black American Princesses. Is that the one you were thinking of? No, that was another one.
Oh, shit.
So you got another one?
I don't know if I have the title right.
All right.
I'm going to say X-Men Days of Future Past.
Oh, there you go.
That's what I should have said.
And, uh, god damn it.
Matt, you can do it.
I know.
What's it called?
Motherfucker.
She was in that.
I would pay to see her in Motherfucker.
Oh, Motherfucker.
Halle Berry is Motherfucker.
It's driving me crazy.
I'm just going to say, was it...
Just try it, yeah.
Was it Bulward?
What was that one?
Oh!
I know I got it wrong.
You're out, Jeff.
Jeff got it, but it's like I had to say it.
What is it?
You're out, Jeff.
It's Bulworth.
Thank you.
See, I'd rather lose and find out what it was.
It was driving me absolutely insane.
Yeah, fucking Bullworth.
That's a strong one, yeah.
You got any more, Jeff?
I'm going to get you, sucker.
Was she in that?
I don't know.
I think she was in that.
I think that was her film debut.
But she was in something like...
That's how Chris Rock met her
and then put her in that hair thing.
Checks out. Well, it's that one, Things We Did By The Fire and then put her in that hair thing.
What's that one, Things We Did By The Fire?
Or Things We Lost By The Fire?
Things We Threw In The Fire?
Things We Threw On The Fire?
What happened to fire?
Fire, fire, fire?
It's what she did with her house when she realized she was fucking Billy Bob Thornton
in that other movie, right?
Is that who she fucked in that movie?
Yeah, settle down, Jeff.
In that other movie, right?
Is that who she fucked in that movie?
Yeah, settle down, Jeff.
Billy Bob's a national treasure.
All right, so what other Halle Berry's did we miss?
Cloud Atlas.
Cloud fucking Atlas.
Of course, The Call, where she was the phone operator.
The Call was great.
Movie 43.
Everyone forgot about that.
Always and forever.
Race the Sun.
Race the Sun.
Wow.
Oh, okay. Love that movie.
Solar what?
Solar powered car race.
Solar powered car race?
That's what Race the Sun was.
He's just explaining.
Oh.
If there isn't a movie called Solar Power Car Race, start that one.
She's also in Solar Power Car Race movie show.
It was written by her five-year-old son.
She's in Choo Choo movie.
She's in Hanging with Metal Claw in the house with bald head listening brain.
You're good at improv.
All right.
I'm okay. I're good at improv. I'm okay.
I enjoy it the most.
Alright, so that means
Jeff's on the board. Jeff's got one point.
We're gunning
towards two points.
I guess we see who really wants to fuck her now,
Matt.
Wait.
Steven gets to pick for the next round. Steven gets to pick
for the next round.
He gets to decide
what actor or actress.
Director, if you want to get real
esoteric.
I'm going to pick a fella
named John Hawks.
Oh, I like that dude.
Okay.
Who is that?
Jeff Tate's not afraid.
I'm going to go ahead.
Oh, John Hawks.
Strategize.
He was the guy who played.
I'm not going to tell you.
But you might figure it out by context because we're going to start.
Okay.
Okay.
We're going to start with Steve and then Stephen's going to go first.
Oh, I don't know any.
And then me.
You do so.
Perfect Storm. And then me. You do so. Perfect Storm.
The Perfect Storm.
Someone made a fart mouth.
Did that help you?
Not at all.
Over that one.
All right.
Not only was he in The Perfect Storm.
He's had another name for George Clooney.
Yeah, George Clooney was tired of being famous, so he changed.
I could see it. It's got plenty of dough i'm sure um wait it's my turn it's my turn okay i'll stop talking i thought it was mine no we switched the order around okay it's crazy
But I'm trying to think of a fucking,
he's like such a good chameleon actor,
and now I'm completely blanking on other shit that he's been in.
I want to say that he's in Winter's Bone.
Yeah?
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
That was a close one.
All right.
Jeff is fired up for this one.
Too late.
Too late, yeah.
Really cool film noir with long takes.
With long...
Long takes.
Five long takes
comprise the entire movie.
Too late.
He's bound and down.
Now.
I know it's a show.
I'm kidding.
Right,
but you figured out
who he is.
Yes,
thank God.
But now I can't remember
what he's been in.
Yeah,
he's in Eastbound and Down
and.
Hurry up and trucking.
Oh man.
We're going to do
what they say.
But if you're the first one out,
you're going to pick
the person next round
Yeah I mean
I can't think of anything else
Strategically it'll work out for you
But you can also try your lifeline
I can do the second round too?
Yeah every round
You get the lifeline once
Betty do you have anything?
If you don't I understand
Yeah it's cool Betty
Huh?
Taken?
You think he's in Taken?
Taken?
No nobody's
I don't think he's in Taken
Nobody's Taken yet
There's a guy that looks like him
That's on
Liam's team
that I think you're thinking of
but yeah
good guess
yeah
similar
so I'm out
maybe
kind of guy
Steven
from Dusk Till Dawn
he's in that
damn yeah
yeah
holy shit
wow
yeah
he runs the
liquor store
at the beginning
he's the clerk.
That's good stuff.
I think I should win a fucking Academy Award
for how cool I was.
That is good.
You're talking about yourself
for remembering that.
Then they set him on fire. It's a cool movie.
Take the kids.
Just for the sake of time,
I'm gonna tap, because I could sit here and think forever
and still maybe not come up with one.
Okay.
Jeff?
Life of Crime?
Oh, why wouldn't I think of that one?
Everest.
Oh, nice.
Does not make it back down.
He's in the first half.
Rush hour.
What? Yeah. Okay. You guys know you're fucking John Hawks. Rush Hour what yeah
okay
he sells
you guys know
you're fucking
John Hawks
yeah
Chris Tucker
that's pretty good
yeah
he's in a movie
only I know
because I'm in it
Harold Buttleman
Daredevil Stuntman
oh
see I asked you
if you were in any movies
and you looked at me
like I was being weird
I thought you were
just giving me
food for thought
oh
no that was my thinking face you if you were in any movies and you looked at me like I was being weird. I thought you were just giving me food for thought. Oh.
No, that was my thinking face.
Please don't lose this round and pick yourself.
Well, we already know one answer.
Buttleman. That's it.
What's it called again? Harold Buttleman, Daredevil Stuntman. Okay.
That's cool.
Jeff?
Cold Mountain.
Lifeline, I mean.
I said Lifeline.
I said I would like to use my
Lifeline, Brett. You do have one?
I think Cold Mountain was good, though, wasn't it?
No? Okay.
He says he wants his Lifeline.
What's your Lifeline?
What's your lifeline say?
Martha Marcy May Marlene.
Martha Marcy May Marlene.
Nice pull.
Thanks, Brad.
Even said it all right.
I could never get that title right.
Wow.
I'm trying to write it down.
I can't get it right.
Do you have any more there, Stephen?
Yeah, I may have the title wrong.
It may be right.
He played a jazz pianist last year
with one of them little blonde sisters.
He was like a drug guy.
I think it was called The Sweet Lowdown.
Whoa.
It's a Sundance movie.
The Sweet Lowdown with Elle Fanning.
He's a druggie. It's too many details For me to say no
Like you're really
You're really selling it
It's a good lie
If it was
Yeah right
I'm gonna
I'm gonna tap
So that
I'm out
What?
I'm gonna say I'm out
He's tapping
I'm tapping out
On John Hawks
You didn't go to your
Lifeline yet?
I just did
He did before, that's right.
So Stephen wins that round?
Yeah!
Yeah!
That's the secret.
You just gotta be in a movie nobody's heard of.
Never helped me.
Yeah.
in a movie nobody's heard of.
Never helped me.
Yeah.
So, Matt, you get to pick the next one.
Okay.
It's your chance to get on the board with something challenging for the other players.
Okay.
Let's go weird.
Yafet Kodo.
Whoa.
Why not?
Why not indeed.
Yafet Koto.
And so we'll start with Matt, but then which way were you going last time?
It would be to me.
Okay.
Yeah.
Go, Matt.
Yafet Koto.
Live and let die.
Mm-hmm. Live and Let Die. Mm-hmm.
Live and Let Die. You didn't say the one I knew.
Midnight Run.
Midnight Run.
All right, Jeff.
I'm going to go with Alien.
Yeah, the first Alien features the great Yafit Kodo.
In the Heat of the night.
Really?
I think so.
I think he was in the TV show version.
Oh, he was only in the TV show?
Oh, shit.
Am I crazy?
I mean, I looked.
I recently saw.
But it might be totally wrong.
No, I'd be wrong.
I don't feel confident enough about it to challenge anyone.
But I don't feel confident enough to challenge myself.
So what do you want me to do I'll sit out since we're not sure wait use your life your lifeline I'll use my lifeline your
lifeline is not gonna know shit but let's see oh come on
Freddie's dead the final nightmare has yeah nice thank you my one single person Freddy's Dead, The Final Nightmare. Freddy's Dead, The Final Nightmare? Has Yafit Khodo in it?
Yeah.
Nice.
Thank you, my one single person who answered.
Freddy's Dead.
Okay.
That's what I said.
You say so.
Well, the three I had, you guys all took.
So now I'm brainstorming.
That's where the strategy part of it comes in.
You needed to be the one that knows the most.
Yeah.
Yafet Koto.
I like saying Yafet Koto out loud.
Yafet Koto.
Feels good.
Oh, man, I would have picked Abba Babatunde.
That's even better. That's a good name to say. Oh, man, I would have picked Abba Babatunde. That's even better.
That's a good name to say.
Betty, anything?
The 1967 Desperado.
She says 1967 Desperado?
Desperado.
What does that mean?
Why do you know what year it was?
So we don't get it confused with 1996.
Mel Gibson, Desperado, or whatever that other one is.
Or the Eagles song.
Mel Gibson, Desperado?
You mean it wasn't the Antonio Banderas, Desperado?
Yes.
Same guy, basically.
How did you get...
Yeah.
One's just Latin.
How did you get Antonio Banderas and Mel Gibson confused,
but you know who Yafit Kodo is?
I respect that more.
I respect knowing Yafit Kodo is. I respect that more. I respect knowing
Yafit Kodo and mixing up those two.
She mixes up
her super handsome guys. She had the year and everything.
Alright, Desperado.
Wow, good point.
Brad, I'm not going to, but do
you know who Yafit Kodo is?
Yeah, but I just can't.
Well, I mean, you got a minute
because I got one. Okay, I just can't. Well, I mean, you got a minute, because I got one.
Okay, he's got one.
Truck Turner.
Yeah.
Truck Turner?
Starring Isaac Hayes.
I found out about that movie from the show. Oh, cute.
Chris Cubis talked about it, so I ordered off Amazon.
It's fucking dope.
Isaac Hayes is in it, and Yafit Kodo.
It's fucking cool as shit.
All right.
Let me pull out a Yafit Kodo it's fucking cool as shit alright let me pull out a Yafit Kodo
out of my ass
I think he played
Idi Amin
in a TV movie
so that doesn't count
oh man
he was in
I'm out
there's a movie about a black gay man
I don't know why I had to make him black
he's a very versatile actor but
pretty sure
I'm pretty sure you had nothing to do with why Yafit Kodo
is black
alright I'm out on Yafit Kodo I'm not sure you had nothing to do with why Yafet Kodo's black. All right, I'm out on Yafet Kodo.
I'm not thinking of Bill Duke, but is he in Predator?
No.
As a cop?
I don't think so.
Bill Duke, yeah.
Yeah, I don't have anything, but I just want to say he's the only guy that ever cut off James Bond doing his Bond, James Bond. Or Roger Moore goes,
you know, good evening, my name's Bond,
James, and Yafet Kodo
just cuts him off and goes, name's
a tombstone, sucker. Take this honky outside
and waste him. And it was amazing.
So I'm out on that.
Yeah, Yafet Kodo's pretty cool.
He's badass.
And I was watching The Equalizer the other day,
and when Denzel Washington calls the FBI
after making that dude from Stranger Things
tie up all the money,
he calls the FBI and asks for Agent Mosley,
and I was like, oh, fuck, Agent Mosley.
I guess all you guys are named Agent Mosley.
Right?
That's from Midnight Run.
Everybody here is 11.
Agent Mosley.
Right?
That's from Midnight Run.
Everybody here is 11.
The best moment in that movie
is when he's on the plane,
De Niro,
and he's cutting the,
making the fake ID.
He puts his face on
and shows it to the little kids
sitting next to him.
The little kid's like,
yeah, it looks good.
Yeah, I'd buy that.
Oh, you seen a lot of FBI
identification cards?
Fucking 10-year-old?
That kid should have a flight attendant
making sure that that creepy Robert De Niro guy
is not fucking with him.
Jeff Tate is our winner, everybody.
Jeff Tate!
You did it, dude.
Where's Brad at?
Brad.
Brad.
Hooray.
There you go, yeah.
Here, you get that.
This one, too.
Congratulations.
You got it.
Have a good night, Brad.
Sorry.
We know which shirt he's going to get.
He's the same size as me.
I'm not making fun of him.
He's super handsome.
He looks just like me.
Who wants the small shirt?
Oh, yeah. Who wants the small shirt?
Just kidding, a friend of mine.
Oh, okay.
He just remembered he has a child.
I take it back.
A friend of mine's going to wear it.
Jeff, what do you got to plug, my friend?
February 17th and 18th, I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin
at the Skyline Comedy Cafe.
And April 2nd,
I'm at the Whatever Fest in Houston.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Friday night in San Francisco. Oh, yeah, Friday night in San Francisco.
Oh, yeah, Friday night in San Francisco
with the Wahlberg solution.
The Wahlberg solution.
Yeah, I hope you guys solve some things.
Oh, for sure.
Friday night, sfsketchfest.com.
Matt Bronger.
When's this go up?
Tomorrow-ish.
All right, cool.
Go see me in Comedy Works In Denver This weekend
Today
And next weekend
I'll be at
Vermont Comedy Club
In Burlington, Vermont
Go to mattbronger.com
See if I'm coming to you
You're kind of on
A warm weather tour
I'm on my
Enraged to be married tour
Oh okay
Because I'm getting married
In November
Oh congratulations
Thanks
And I'm mad about it.
No.
I just feel like
everybody right now
is really fucking mad
and it's a hellish world
that's on fire
and I'm getting married
in the middle of it.
Probably the worst time too
but like what the hell,
you know?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, now that Trump is in
and it'll...
Never mind.
Why'd you say his name?
Now he's here.
Hey, Mr. President.
I'm a big dumb guy.
How'd you get my mic?
Why'd you get me your mic?
I'm a stupid dick.
Can I grab your pussy, Matt?
I'm the president.
Get it?
Stephen Fox, You're the Worst, next season.
Start shooting summertime.
Yeah, but you can watch the other seasons on... Yeah, where does it all live right now?
Well, it's on...
Season one and two of You're the Worst is on Hulu.
And then season three and the other ones
are on like
Apple TV
and all that shit
you can pay for
or you can just steal it
I don't really care
and
and
and I have a really dumb
comedy group called
Film Pigs
at filmpigs.com
we do dumb sketches
you were on
you did it once
I was a guest on there once
yeah
really really dumb shit
and here's
the question everybody's dying to know the answer to is the doug benson character gonna return on
you're the worst you mean doug benson ceo of db industry yeah i mean you didn't you didn't kill
him off or anything so yeah you left his storyline open ended no we got a lot of letters about closure for you.
A lot of OCD people can't figure out,
can't live without knowing what happens
to Doug Benson. Yeah, I think that's a
distinct possibility.
I'm just spitballing here, but can't there be somebody
that walks by and goes, ain't you Doug Benson?
I think that guy should be played by Jeff Tate.
I'm just throwing that out there.
Listen, if you do a good job and we do a good job,
it'll be cool.
Jesus Christ.
Thanks again to all of my guests,
Jeff Tate, Matt Bronger, Stephen Fong.
Stronger, Stephen Fogg.
You know, douglasmovies.com.
You know what to do there.
And thanks for being here, you guys.
And as always,
Donald Trump is a shithead.
Where's Betty at?
Who's John Chapman?
That's you?
You're a shithead. Shithead.