Doug Loves Movies - Geoff Tate, Troy Tate and Anna Mazza guest
Episode Date: May 9, 2019Live from Comedy Off Broadway in Lexington, KY, Doug welcomes Geoff Tate, Troy Tate and Anna Mazza to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a ...free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby Cindy
sees 50 as if I'm a colonel in his seat
There's still not more that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Wow.
Coming to you for the very first time from Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington, Kentucky.
Yeah.
We are doing it.
It's Tuesday, May 7th, 2019.
I've done stand-up shows here in this particular venue
on this date for the last few years,
and there were lots of great name tags at the stand-up shows,
so I was like, you know, let's do a Doug Loves Movies,
and now I need to know what the name tag situation is. a stand-up show, so I was like, you know, let's do a Doug Loves Movies.
And now I need to know what the name tag
situation is.
I think it's going to be... Oh, my goodness.
Holy crap.
I had a feeling you guys would
turn it out, and you did.
What's this little lady head you're holding up?
It's a little Captain Marvel doll.
And then you've got Brie Larson's movie Unicorn Store,
but you changed it to what?
Unicorn Store, because your name is Nick.
We've got the Topher Chainsaw
Massacre. Nice.
James
Dredd, instead of
Judge Dredd, but he's got on a pile
of candy and donuts.
He's
right here up front, so I'm
feeling strongly for him.
Maggie, instead of
Wally.
Like it.
Quinn side out, because your name is Quinn. This lady
has little confidence in her name tag. Just left
it on the table.
Let's not worry
about it right now. Lots of really big
ones. The Riches
of Eastwick.
I see, oh, Lisa
Smiles. These are, oh, Lisa Smiles.
You guys are really making me happy.
What does Luke Stook mean?
And two smoking barrels.
Luke Stook and two smoking barrels.
And your name really is Luke Stook?
It's just Luke.
All right, you guys can put them down.
Be ready in a little while to whip those out again.
And I'm sure when you guys listen to the show,
your favorite part is what I'm going to do right now.
Doug plugs, because everybody wants to, you know,
hear about where I'm going that they aren't.
Maltonfest in L fest in la this weekend i'll be there friday night with douglas movies followed by a screening of sing street in the beautiful egyptian theater in hollywood sunday dlm is
back at comedy works in denver at 420 for my annual Mother's Day appearance.
DLM is happening for the first time ever at the Brea Improv in Brea, California
on Sunday, May 19th at 4.20.
And DLM makes a triumphant return
to comedy on state in Madison, Wisconsin
on Saturday, May 24th at 4.20.
Lots more shows after that.
For all my dates and deets and links,
go to Douglovesmovies.com.
That's Douglovesmovies.com!
Yeah!
Come on!
What?
Wallet is back.
Wallet is happening you guys
You're paying attention
Alright so
Here's what's in the prize bag tonight
That I brought, my guests brought stuff too
I got a Douglas Movies sticker
A Douglas Movies t-shirt
A, I was just in
Chicago
So a magazine about Chicago
I'm sure you guys are familiar with it Chicago, so magazine about Chicago.
I'm sure you guys are familiar with it.
And, A,
of course, one of my Doug Benson rockin' pins.
Yeah. If you don't win
one in the prize bag tonight, you can buy one
from us out.
We'll be just outside after the show
doing stuff.
You know what I'm talking about
it's a pretty chill spot
that the comedy
it really is way off Broadway
this club
I know because I was just in New York
and I'll show you the last thing
that I brought
once I get my
guests out here. You guys ready to bring the guests out?
Woo!
Please give it up for Adam Mazza,
Troy Tate, and Jeff
Tate.
Tape.
There's more Tate up here than usual.
Two times.
Two times the Tate. Double Tate tonight here than usual. Two times. Two times the Tate. We got double Tate tonight,
you guys, but let's meet my guests
individually as we like to do.
Starting with
Anna Mazza!
Oh!
Hi.
Thank you for having me.
Thanks for being here.
I'm a comedian from Cincinnati.
Here I am.
Hang on.
You didn't let me continue.
I'm sorry.
Anna is a Cincinnati comedy phenom.
She's here with us tonight.
She's a really great driver, too.
She brought us here in her Prius.
She was your driver in a Prius?
Yeah, driver Prius.
You guys, stop standing.
It's okay.
Sit the fuck down.
Did you see the frog hat is here?
What?
The lady always shows up to my shows here
wearing a frog hat
which reminds me of the band Fog Hat
which nobody cares about anymore
or ever
I don't know if they ever did
but thank you for being here
do you think you're going to be good at the trivia games?
yeah
I went to school for film
and I used to be a production assistant so hopefully
i'm all right i mean the tates are gonna come at you no i know yeah you're fucking surrounded by
tate the tate yeah it's a tate sandwich at this point oh that does not sound good
too close too close to taint Smelly Yeah
But
I'd like to introduce the most
Illiterate
Illiterative
It's Troy Tate
Everybody
Hey thanks
Thanks for having me Doug
I'm not a comedian from Cincinnati. I just do a thing with Jeff sometimes.
Yeah, you are together on a podcast.
We do that?
Yeah.
He makes me play the games all the time, so I feel pretty ready for that.
It's interesting that he's trained you for this.
He wasn't really thinking ahead that he'd have to go up against you.
Thinking ahead's not my strong suit.
And that's Jeff Tate. So Jeff
Good to see you
Hey Doug
You're looking colorful as ever
Thank you, thank you
This is my new look
I'm dressed up like a guy from
Doonesbury whose name is Drugs
Sounds like a fun character
Oh yeah, it is
I have a good time
It's me!
I'm the guy!
The one thing I neglected
to mention that's going to be in the
prize bag because I wanted to present
Jeff with his own
version of it
because our friends at Glass Action
made two of these
they're the people that make
really cool personalized
night lights and you can
reach out to them and order one yourself
if you want but we've got two of these that are Jeff Tate in a very involved fuzzy hat.
He looks like Mr. Mistoffelees.
Yes.
It's Jeff if he were in Cats.
That'll cast nightmares on your bedroom wall.
Yeah, and you just,
yeah, it's a little nightlight.
It's cute.
So they made two of them, so Jeff's going to do whatever he wants
with one of them. I think it's a
perfect Mother's Day gift.
And I agree.
I mean, one mom
wouldn't love that, but then the other one's
going to go in the prize bag. Somebody here tonight
is going to have their very own
Jeff Tate nightlight.
Yeah.
Delight your friends and terrify your children.
Try to go to sleep now.
And then somebody already put some
delicious looking donuts on the
stage,
so those are going to get chucked in the crowd at some point.
Because I don't need those. Like a weird offering.
I don't need those damn donuts.
That's all I've ever wanted to do.
Throw a donut?
Yep.
Yeah.
Well, I guess, why should we wait?
You want to go ahead and throw one?
Do it.
Do you want to go ahead and throw one? Do it. Do you want to go ahead and toss one?
All right.
I love making people's dreams come true.
And the person who catches the donut,
that's probably going to be a dream for them.
Anyone?
Okay, there he goes.
Whoa!
You catch it?
Oh, can I throw one?
Yeah, go ahead
I prefer, you know
Troy was real gentle, I like people to throw overhand
I can really
jam it in there, yeah
Do a sidearm
Good one, Anna
Classic Jeff Good one, Anna. Good one.
Classic Jeff.
You're supposed to take a bite out of it and then throw it like a grenade.
It's a little dry.
All right.
I got a question to ask each of you.
Two questions, really, now that I think about it.
We'll start with, what did you bring for the prize bag, Troy?
Oh, here.
Here, hold on.
Uh-oh.
We shared a bag here.
I got a, let's see.
I'll leave it with this.
It's a Star Wars zip-up beer koozie.
It looks like C-3PO.
And then on the back, it has your two favorite joists from the franchise, him and R2.
And I got this cool Peacemaker hat.
It's adjustable, so whatever size your head is, it'll fit.
It's for everybody.
Okay, yep, that's why I'm here.
Let me hold it.
Oh, she's gonna wear it.
She'll model it.
Where's my dip?
It's coming. It's at the bottom of the bag.
Where's my girlfriend I can hit?
I mean, probably still in the parking lot.
You hit your girlfriend?
Hashtag me too.
That's not what it's for. I think I used it wrong.
All right, this is a Mr. Redlegs X-Wing bobblehead.
So fans of the Reds or Star Wars or both,
this is a cool little thing to take home.
So I hope I can help you win it.
Yeah, that is a fun prize.
Thank you, Troy.
Trashy dino.
The prizes go that way.
Yeah, give them to me.
I am the prize bag.
The thing I like most...
I like how dusty this box feels.
It's an antique heirloom.
It's been passed down a few times.
We love it.
It was a wedding gift.
All right, what do you got, Anna?
Okay.
Here we go.
The first thing is a Swisher Sweets bottle opener.
Right.
The next thing is a picture of me drunk in Sedona, Arizona.
On one of those cool tiny Polaroids.
Yeah, Instafix.
They're expensive, so this is at least $3 worth of a picture.
A mud mask for your face.
Or whatever.
Yeah.
Whatever you want to cover in mud.
Yeah.
Your girlfriend, after you hit her.
And then...
Your girlfriend, after you hit her, and then...
Here, we're taking the hat off.
Yeah, it's time for the hat to go.
Yeah, she was really bro-ing out in that hat.
This is called Mystical Fire.
You can put it in a fire, and it'll change the flame's colors.
I got it in Toronto.
Delight your friends and terrify your children.
I had to claim it.
And then this is a candle that I made.
I can make candles.
I thought it'd be beneficial to learn how to make candles for like the after times, or I could be a part of your,
you know,
your apocalypse family.
Right.
Everyone needs a skill to get in the cave.
Yeah.
Right.
You know how to make candles.
So we'll all be able to read.
Yeah.
And a Walnut,
just a Walnut.
Oh,
cool.
There you go.
I'm going to, I'm going to sign that Walnut for a lucky person. There you go. I'm going to sign that walnut for a
lucky person. There you go.
A signed
nut.
There's this weird running thing
in that movie, The Wife, with Glenn
Close, where her husband
he likes to sign
walnuts and give them to people.
He's like a famous writer and he's always signing walnuts and give them to people. He's like a famous writer and he's always like
signing walnuts
and giving them away.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's...
That guy sounds like...
How do you know it's him
when he's all the way
up his own butt like that?
I'm going to smell this candle.
Okay, good.
I lit it for a second.
Sorry.
This thing is used?
No, so you have to melt the top.
Oh, it does smell good.
Thank you.
I made the scent myself.
The scent is from me.
It's called Morning Dude.
Morning dude?
Yeah.
That's not the best dude of the day.
Somebody, yeah, if he spends the night,
it's a good dude.
Morning dude.
Here's part of the thing that's weird
about signing walnuts is it's not easy to do
they probably cgi'd it in the movie yeah it really it really takes some effort so i guess
the guy was really uh really into making an effort i would have brought my other nut if i
knew you're gonna sign them i'm sorry You got some bigger ones back at the hotel?
Yeah, I actually have a second
walnut in my purse. I'll show you later.
It's going to be a party tonight.
Two walnuts and a candle.
You're all set if the apocalypse
happens.
Two tates, one walnut.
What did you bring, Jeff?
I brought, oh, check this out.
I brought a, I thought I brought more stuff.
I brought, listen, I got this. It's a Batman air freshener for your car.
Right? I know. Murmur, murmur.
A sticker for a record store in Cincinnati called Shake It
so you can look like you're cool and go out of town for records.
Right? I mean, you probably don't, but whatever.
Go hang out at the fucking First Mellow Mushroom
and look like a fucking cool person
and i brought this album uh it's todd snyder's new album it's called cash cabin sessions volume
three and it's really good and i just want um you to listen to it whoever you are it's great
what i want is for somebody that's listening to be like oh he likes Todd Snyder
I know Todd Snyder that's all I'm looking for you want a Todd Snyder hookup yeah
okay see what are you gonna say to him when you meet him I'm gonna say why is it called volume
three there's only one think he gets that question ever?
I mean, man, he made me drive all over town.
I thought they were just out.
I went everywhere going, you got one and two?
Three's great.
Nobody makes me look like a fool but me.
What was the other thing you gave not the sticker but the other thing i don't remember oh a batman air freshener yeah i was gonna say you said for the
car but it'd be kind of cool just wear around your neck yeah and when i say you i mean you jeff
it'd be cool i mean it's, it's like a lateral move.
Nobody's going to be like, oh, now you look stupid.
What about, you mentioned Mellow Mushroom?
Yeah.
That place, the Mellow Mushroom that's right here in this mall closed.
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't that sad?
It is pretty sad, but I'm not going to get too worked up over it.
They tell you right in the name to be mellow.
Don't worry about what happens to us, man.
We'll be fine.
I'm worried about where you're going to get your okay pizza.
going to get your okay pizza.
We got insurance, man.
We'll be fine, man.
All right.
Well, all that's going into the prize bags.
We got multiple bags for the winner.
And before we get to the competitive part, I just want to ask everybody that burning question.
We'll start with Troy.
What was the last movie you saw?
The last movie I watched was Batman.
It was in the theater.
It was just the straight-up Batman.
Like a special revival screening. Yeah, it was last Saturday.
Where did you see it?
What kind of theater was it?
Just your standard. Just a regular ass movie theater? Yeah, yeah.
So no plug for the
place that showed Batman. No, it was just a
regular one. That's one that y'all go to.
That's cool. And
how did Batman hold up for you
on the big screen? It was amazing.
I was specifically, we were both specifically not allowed to see it during its first theatrical run.
So this was kind of a little win for us.
Yeah, in your face, dad.
Yeah, I'm 38 now.
Do what I want.
You're dead.
We can watch Batman if we want to now.
Right?
I could be Batman almost.
With a dead dad.
He's got a dead dad.
Halfway there.
Were you worried your dead dad would show up as a ghost and ruin the experience?
Yeah, I was a little worried about it.
I'm 38 now
dead or not
right
you're just a ghost you can't tell me what to do
I feel like this is a laugh
like therapy session
with you guys
no check this out Doug when we were leaving
there was a guy that was he was wearing
he had suspenders holding up his
jean shorts and he brought his own walking stick
to the movie.
So you can picture him, right?
He's, like, really into Batman.
And then as we're leaving, we end up right next to each other,
and I tap him, and I go,
I thought Joaquin Phoenix was going to be in this.
He's like, what?
And I was like, yeah, it's the one with the Joker, right?
Like, he's supposed to be... I thought Joaquin Phoenix was the Joker, but I mean, this one was okay.
If he's out there, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't know it was going to break you.
I guess we already know what the last movie Jeff saw was.
What about you, Anna?
Well, speaking of dead dads,
the last movie I watched was Contact.
But I fell asleep to it,
and I fell asleep right at the part
where she gets shot into space,
so I don't know what happens at the end.
It was Earth the whole time.
Maybe.
It makes sense that you fell asleep, because that movie's like white noise,
because they're always listening to that
hockey.
And they're like, it's math!
And I'm like, no, it's not.
And then I watched, I also watched
Zookeeper, which was a
giant mistake.
That's the movie where all the animals talk to the zookeeper?
Yeah, they talk him into pretty much seducing a woman.
It was insane.
It was the dumbest.
Well, because if animals would talk, that's the main thing.
They want dudes to get their fuck on.
Yeah, they want Kevin James to get laid.
Yeah, I mean, you know, an animal's purpose is to serve man.
So if they could talk, they definitely would be wingmen.
Exactly.
So to speak, especially the ducks.
How many movies is Kevin James in where someone's trying to help him fuck?
These animals are just like a hitch.
They ran out of people.
That's why they got zoo.
Hitch couldn't help me,
so I turned to the world of animals.
Within the first five minutes of the film,
they grabbed a Red Bull can out of a lion,
and I was like, this is just the dumbest thing.
He's not even a certified vet,
and he stuck his whole hand down a sedated lion and they pulled
out a red bull can and if that happened there'd be lawsuits and i feel like i just didn't add up
aside from the talking animals that's what that's what really bothered me
could everyone hear him or just kevin james like were the girls like why the fuck are those lions
talking about us well he took the gorilla to Applebee's at one point.
Just on a practice date?
No, that's what...
Yeah, they put a gorilla in captivity
and his one wish was to go to Applebee's,
which is insane.
I don't want to go home.
I want to go to Applebee's.
How does a gorilla in a cage at the zoo
even know about Applebee's?
Just an occasional t-shirt that walks by?
That doesn't even happen.
Who wears Applebee's merch?
I mean, some of this might be Applebee's merch.
I'm not sure.
I mean...
Their clothes are so soft
that you're feeling good in the neighborhood
i think they just got good noses and they're like oh are those frozen riblets i smell
they don't want to go to a too nice of a restaurant he's got to go back to the zoo
and eat zoo food if he goes to somewhere nicer than Applebee's,
he'll fucking kill himself.
He can't go to somewhere good like
Outback.
Kevin James brought him Jambalaya.
Don't watch it.
It's basically
a lot of things that made me upset.
Jeff, what was the last movie you saw? the last movie i saw was shazam yeah why are you like why why did that happen how dare you
you didn't see it did you see it it's good my only quibble with it is i really i thought for
sure sinbad was in it.
Like, it's the same joke from Batman,
but with Sinbad this time.
I just went to see Shazam because I wanted to find out
the name of a song I was hearing.
Right, I don't like those games based on apps.
Angry Birds, Shazam,
that one about maps.
Angry Birds, Shazam, that one about maps.
No, I think everybody laughed when you said you saw Shazam,
because when you speak, you say words funny,
and Shazam is a funny word to say in a Jeff Tate voice.
Somebody over here gave me the old horse laugh, though.
Somebody over here gave me the old...
Somebody over here was like raspberries to that
and I will not stand for it
sir. I had no idea
horses were laughing when they did that.
I thought they were turning something down.
Yeah I mean
it's their aloha Doug.
oh it can mean so many things anyway it was great you guys are missing out
shazam well i mean why didn't they put sinbad in it like that would have
he probably would have done it.
Why do you think Sinbad should be in it?
Because everybody thought Sinbad was in a movie.
All the dummies who can't tell what color a dress is or whatever.
Right.
Like, they're like, the Baron St. Bear's,
and Sinbad made a movie called Shazam,
which he didn't, but then they did,
and Sinbad's still alive.
And very funny.
So why not?
Why'd it have to be Jimen Hunsu?
He just disappeared.
I mean, spoiler alert,
it happens at the beginning.
Like that could have been Sinbad.
Sinbad could have been
the wizard that was like,
now you're Shazam
or whatever.
I was really high,
but why wasn't it,
Sinbad could have been anything,
a little wink,
a little nod to real life.
A little like, now I am in Shazam, you motherfuckers.
But you like the movie?
Yeah.
Raspberries to your raspberries.
I give raspberries to your raspberries.
Raspberries on you, Doug.
Don't eat that donut. It's gross.
Don't. Nos on you, Doug. Don't eat that donut. It's gross. Don't.
No, thank you.
Hold up a target.
Oh.
Yeah, that was violent.
Jeff, you can't.
You took a bite out of that one.
Yeah, we're just it's yours
to keep
I'm gonna keep it in there
okay
I'm gonna eat it later
do you think it'll miss its friends
yeah
it'll be sad
it's not with the other donuts
do you think the other two donuts
are consoling it
cause it got a bite
taken out of it
yeah yeah
where'd all my brothers go
is that is the next Pixar movie happening in that box?
It's that girl that lost her arm to a shark and still surfs.
But in Donuts, it's a donut version of that story.
Right, a real pick-me-up.
Oh, it took a real bite out of me, but I'm back being a donut.
Most donuts would have quit.
Not, you know, not enough Sinbad, I'd say.
Alright.
Donetties.
Turn it off, Bert.
Let the games begin!
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
Lots of great name tags to choose from
while you pick who you're going to play for.
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Back to the show.
Alright, we're back.
Great job, everybody. That was a very calm and
pleasant
name tag selection process.
And Jeff also pointed out that you all
lied when you said the last movies
you saw because you all watched a movie together
today. Called Date Night. all lied when you said the last movies you saw because you all watched a movie together today
called Date Night.
She listened to it. We only
watched most of it.
Boy, that's fun, guys.
It's fun.
You enjoy Date Night?
I still want it to be Batman. Yeah, it was really funny.
I enjoyed what I heard from the bathroom.
Wahlberg's funny in it, right?
The whole thing is hilarious.
It just happened.
Snitch.
Feels like the prequel to Game Night.
I'm not mad about that.
It's not a prequel. It came out before Game Night.
Yeah.
The one that came before it.
Both ways.
Do you just feel that about all movies with the word night
in the title?
Dark Knight?
Yep.
A Midsummer Night's Dream?
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil?
A Knight's Tale.
Those are not canon.
Night and Day?
Alright, enough of that game. We've got other games to play. Who are you playing for, Jeff? Those are not canon. Night and day. All right.
Enough of that game.
We've got other games to play.
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
I'm playing for Over the Toby.
And it's a great big over-the-top poster with me and you as Sylvester Stallone and his baby boy.
I am, of course, Sylvester Stallone Trying to win a cool truck
So we can spend more time together
And
You're my boy
Good job Toby
Nice job Toby
What do you got there Anna
Good Michelle's
I wish I took one with candy But this one is good too What do you got there, Anna? Good Michelle-as.
I wish I took one with candy, but this one is good, too.
I like this movie.
It's good.
Great job, Michelle.
And it has, I guess, she is, if I remember the original poster right, is Ray Liotta,ta Jeff and then Robert De Niro is you Doug
and then the third one I don't remember
that's you Michelle right
good good good banter we have thank you
Michelle is Pesci
that's his name, yes.
Yeah.
Joe DiMaggio, right there in the middle.
I heard they have really good Pesci.
Papa John, right in the middle.
They have good Pesci next door at Palmer's.
Does Pesci mean fish?
Troy, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Seth to Smoochie here.
Seth to Smoochie.
I like it.
Yeah, it's a movie I like.
It's framed and everything.
Yeah.
That's nice.
And he's got Jeff here right in the middle, front and center.
Sam Levine.
That was a good guess.
Yeah, Sam Levine will come to Kentucky sometime.
It'll happen.
Keep trying.
And then by some miracle, he's got me up in this corner.
I don't know how he pulled that off.
So there I am. So it's perfect.
Except it has Starburst jelly beans.
That's not you. That's Osama Bin Laden.
Oh, come on, Doug.
It's just a beer.
And then you got a bunch of
Starburst jelly beans.
Yeah, I don't care for those so much.
Oh, really? I'll take them.
Throw them.
Yeah. I like Starburst. Yeah. Throw them. Yeah.
They're really good.
I like Starbursts
and I like jelly beans
so you put them together
and I like.
Okay, so that's
who you guys are playing
on behalf of.
I've devised a few games
for us to play.
Is anybody in a hurry to get out of here?
Okay,
we're going to play 22 games.
Yes.
I have been studying.
How does one study
for this show?
Jeff Tate
will text you a random
movie person and you have to
text back all the movies you can think of.
That's how studying is.
Whoa, Jeff.
He makes us play the games.
Right, I don't know.
I don't know what else we have to talk about.
It's like I don't even know you.
You just gave away jelly beans
what the fuck
you just called us liars
about the last movie we saw
we're friends
we're staying in the same hotel
it's a safe space up here
until Anna puts on
a baseball hat
can I wear it?
I won't hit anybody I promise just Can I wear it? I won't hit anybody.
I promise.
Just let me wear it.
You feel like you need a rally cap?
No, I don't.
Listen, I don't trust her in that hat.
Honestly.
Put it away.
It's in the back.
Please.
I don't like who you become when you put that hat on.
Let's start with a little number that I call
Live, Die, Repeat.
Yes.
Been practicing a lot for this one.
Really?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
You just by yourself
yelling out movie titles quickly?
Yep, as fast as I can.
Give us an example.
Main Street.
Yep.
Oh, that was fast.
Batman.
Oh, good.
Very good.
You guys are quick.
I think you're going to be good at this.
So I'll just say the title of a movie,
and you've got to repeat it back,
the full correct title.
That's what I'm looking for and that person who does it
wins. Just people on stage,
not that... Everyone in this audience
seems pretty cool, so I don't think anybody's
going to try to yell it out.
Diary
of
a...
Diary of a mad black woman.
Diary of a wimpy kid.
Diary of a...
N'Frank.
N'Frank.
Jeff, what did I tell you about using the N-word? N-word.
Diary of a wimpy
kid.
Road trip. Diary of a wimpy kid
back to school. Diary of
a wimpy kid spring break. Diary
of a wimpy kid lunch time.
Diary of a wimpy kid.
Diary
Diary of a wimpy kid band camp. Good job. Diary of a Wimpy Kid Bandcamp.
Good job.
A Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rod Rick.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rod Rick.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rod Rick.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Rodrick
Rules
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Rodrick Rules
Somehow you started
saying it first and she got there
I might
have to disqualify one of you though
because I'm in that mood since the Kentucky Derby.
Oh!
It's okay. It can be me.
I'll take the DQ.
All right.
Anna, great job.
Thank you.
You get to go first in this next game.
Oh, shit.
Wait, no, it's good that you get to go first.
I think, yeah, I think it's good.
And this is, I'm very excited about this game.
It's another new one.
I've been coming up with a lot of new ones lately.
Is it, okay.
Wait, do you want to guess what the new game is going to be?
Yeah.
Is it Witch, Chris?
Is it?
No, that was new when I played it on the last one.
I'll do it now.
I think you'd all be really good at that game,
but this game, this will be interesting.
This game is called
Queensryche or Wrong.
What?
Because Jeff Tate has spent his whole life with the same name as the lead singer of Queensryche
it's true I thought it'd be fun to work that into a game so I'm gonna name a movie
Queensryche sounds a lot like the third and I just go ahead wait
Queens is not your favorite of all the Reichs
No
It's the best Reich
Strong pants, who loves Queens Reich?
Alright
No, I like this one, do that one So here's how this game works All right.
No, I like this one.
Do that one.
So here's how this game works.
I'll say the name of the movie.
You tell me if it has a song on the soundtrack by Queensryche,
by Queen, or neither.
Easy.
Yeah, and if the first person gets it wrong, the next person has a shot. And if the next person gets it wrong, the next person has a shot,
and if the next person gets it wrong,
the last person gets a shot,
and that's when it's hilarious when that happens.
I feel good about Queen.
Okay.
We'll start with you.
What are the options?
I'm so sorry.
What are the options again?
I'll repeat them every time.
Queensryche, Queen, or neither.
Okay.
Yeah.
In this game, you're going to need to be lucid, but not silent.
No silent lucidity.
Boy.
Can I get another drink?
Here we go.
Okay.
What would you like to drink?
Can I do a tall vodka and soda?
What kind of vodka do you like?
Single tall?
Titoes?
Titoes.
Can we get a titoes and soda for the lady?
No, I'm...
You know what?
I wouldn't mind another one myself.
I get the big glass.
And a pint glass is a real pro move
right?
yeah, just saying
can you get my friend Doug a drink, m'lady?
and me
I love you
okay, let's do it
I'm sorry
no, you're very
polite the way you ordered that drink
you know, we don't have table service like everybody else in the room, you know.
So we just have to ask.
Like a bright light service.
And we just have to hope that it happens.
Same with online dating, so I feel right at home with this.
But seriously, you guys, Roderick rules.
All right, here you go, Anna.
Is there a song by Queensryche or Queen
in the movie Last Action Hero?
I will say Queensryche.
I will say that you are correct.
Wow.
Wow.
I will say that you are correct.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
What are you laughing about, Jeff?
I just can't believe Quasarack was on a soundtrack.
I'm so rarely in a room where so many people know this Jeff Tate.
When you said the one about Queensrath, there's like three people who are like, maybe.
And the rest are like, nah.
It's pretty great.
Okay, so far Anna has one and Jeff and Troy have a zero apiece.
We'll start with you, Jeff, on this next one.
Queen, Queens, Queens, Reich.
That should have been their name.
Queens, Queens, Queerwada Revival.
Queen, Queens, Reich, or neither.
Oh, thank you so much.
How do you know which one's which?
We get the same thing.
Oh.
I still want to know.
Queen, Queensryche, or neither, Jeff, in the movie The Babysitter.
Oh, boy. The Babysitter? Oh, boy.
The Babysitter?
The Netflix McG vehicle?
I don't know what he drives.
But I think, yes, I think you might be right.
I think it was a Netflix movie.
I'm going to say Queensryche.
No. No.
Troy.
I'll guess neither.
No.
Anna.
Queen.
Yes, that is right.
All right. Anna has two... Oh, my God.
Jeff and Troy are here.
Jeff,
the adventures of Ford Fairlane.
Oh, that's for sure Queensryche.
Why do you say that?
Because it's trash
You're correct
Here we go
Trey
Trey
Trey Galleon
who just showed up
Troy
is it
which one is it
Queensryde
Queen
or neither
the decline
of western
civilization
part
two
the metal
years
it's tricky because I don't think of either of those bands to the metal years.
It's tricky because I don't think of any of those bands as being
metal per se, but
I guess they kind of were.
Queensryche is, but
I don't know for sure.
I only hear that one song.
I feel like this is a trap.
I'm going to say neither.
No. Come on.
Anna.
Queensryche. That's correct.
That's correct.
Back to you, Jeff.
The movie is...
Shazam.
A queen. There's a queen song in that movie.
That's right. There is a queen song in it.
Don't stop me now.
So Jeff has two, Anna has three,
and I appreciate you coming by, Troy.
I'm still on Doug Loves Movies.
This is a pretty good day.
Yeah.
Anna has Trey, and Troy has Nay.
That's my real laugh.
I'm really sorry.
All right.
Whose turn is it?
Troy.
No, no, I got one right, so it's somebody else's.
It's my turn now.
It's Troy's turn.
I got to get on the board.
All right, well.
Give it to me.
I think you have a really good chance here.
I don't know.
What makes you say that?
Close your eyes and say, give it to me.
The film is Game Night.
Is that the one we just watched?
No, you watched Date Night.
Date Night.
We just watched it.
Queen.
That is correct.
Yeah!
Okay.
I remembered.
Barely.
Back to Anna.
All right.
The motion picture is called Big.
Big. Big.
With Tom Hanks.
Yes, probably the one with Tom Hanks.
I'll say Queen.
No.
Fuck.
Jeff.
Listen, is it, like, I know Queensrack did a version of Chopsticks.
So does that, like does that count?
I'm going to say neither.
That is correct.
And we have a two-way tie between Anna and Jeff.
Me?
So, Troy, you're going to have to sit this last one out.
This is the tiebreaker.
I'm going to play in my head, everybody.
Yeah, go ahead and have fun in your head.
Let us know later how you did.
That's the home version of Douglas movies.
You can take it with you if you don't win the game.
Okay, so this is just Jeff and Anna,
and you...
I'm going to say a title,
and you both just,
whoever says the correct answer first wins.
Hmm.
Do it. dancer first wins. Atomic
blonde.
Neither.
Queen. Jeff wins.
Yay!
It's my name it's my name too everybody thank you yeah you really do get to bask in all that glory they did that the whole time i was driving here
too we were just practicing you're very i mean you're an erratic driver
That's why we were holding hands
It was very scary
You can't drive hard in a Prius
That's all I gotta say
Oh no I'm going 65 You can't drive hard in a Prius. That's all I gotta say.
Oh no, I'm going 65.
You can't hear me.
She's kidding.
It doesn't go 65.
Priuses don't go fast?
I don't know. They do if you put them in power mode.
Who in here has a Prius?
Yeah, power mode, you guys fuck with it?
That leaf on your, that
leaf in your dashboard turns brown
though. It's
green the rest of the time, but when you hit power
mode, it's fucking brown. When you hit power mode,
you realize that thing has an engine.
You can feel it.
They know what I'm talking about.
My favorite ego-conscious feature of the Prius is how we just wipe our hands on the seats.
No napkins.
No napkins.
It's beautiful.
Zero napkin use.
We spilled a lot of things.
It was about an hour drive. We tend to spill a lot of things. It was about an hour drive.
We tend to
spill a lot of things. We're Tate's.
Tate's.
Tate's.
Tate's.
Anna.
Anna too.
Anna's here too.
My last name means hammer in Italian,
so if you guys want to just yell that.
Somebody yelled hammer in Italian.
Used all the words.
Jeff, before we begin the next game, you like to uh throw a donut no thank
you perfect oh they're the one that you bit no no i tasted it and i don't want to put that on
any of you guys now like i like you as an audience I don't want to give you a donut that's going to ruin your night.
They don't have milk here.
What's the name of that place that they're from?
Meijer.
That's how you pronounce it?
Yeah.
That's not how it's spelled.
I've eaten a lot of wieners. That's not how you's spelled. I've eaten a lot of wieners.
That's not how you spell Meyer.
I mean, there's a song that tells you how to spell Meyer.
And they are fucking it up on that donut box.
Yeah, Meyer is the Pepsi of Kroger.
It's just what you were, you know what I mean?
Local joke.
My baloney has a second name. It's M-E-I-J-E-R.
M-E-I-
I-J-E-R.
That's all I know.
Jury you real soon.
Jury you real soon.
We're just taking orders, yeah.
We're going to play a game now
that we usually close out the shows with
and people love it
but I got a special version of it tonight
it's called Last Man Stanton
we all know how great Jeff Tate is at, you know, this show in general,
but specifically Last Man Stanton.
He always does quite well at it.
Sometimes he even gives away his lifeline, and then he still wins.
So I'm not trying to intimidate you guys.
I'm trying to let you know that I want to level the playing field.
So tonight I would like Troy and Anna to each select an actor or actress that you would be good at.
And then we'll see once Jeff gets into the mix how that plays out.
This is a dream come true.
Is it?
I think so.
Do you have a strategic name in mind?
Wow, both of you guys have really low dreams.
I never said that.
But we're making dreams come true.
Troy, you got to throw a donut. donut hey mine was more of a wish okay
not a dream it's different
okay you're right
look I already know who I'm
going to pick
what's that
I was going to say the difference between Troy and Anna
is that he threw a coin into a
fountain and she went to sleep
a wish and a fountain and she went to sleep.
A wish and a dream. Come on.
Wait, are you guys still here?
That was poetic.
Oh, man.
It happens to me all the time. I'm always saying hilarious shit and then the audience is like, I didn't, I wasn't listening. Like, it happens.
I don't think I got it at first.
We stepped down on that one.
Nobody, nobody,
the whole room did not get that.
It was so profound.
I think everybody was taken aback
and wiped away in tears.
It was beautiful.
Oh my God, Doug,
that's so profound.
Frog girl cried.
Right, fortune cookies.
that's so profound Frog Girl cried
right
fortune cookies
the day the frog cried
it's a very sad movie
okay
so
what do you guys think
you got
you got anybody in mind
yeah
who do you want to use
this person
I
belong to
a fan club too when I was in grade school online.
And that is Nicole Kidman.
Nice.
People in the back especially love Nicole Kidman.
People in the outback.
And who would you like to suggest, troy you know jeff pretty well you know what he might
not know um he knows everything so oh i'm my best bet is to go for someone i know okay and uh i guess
her choice makes mine a little interesting but i already already thought of it. I'm going to go with Tom Cruise.
That was my choice.
Together again.
They were married.
Good night, everybody.
One night only.
All right.
They were married, and they have two adopted kids together.
Yeah.
I never stalked them like Anna did Nicole.
She's allergic to strawberries.
I know too much about her.
Did she just get a point for that?
Yes.
No.
I saw Nicole Kidman eat a napkin that was on fire once.
Hold on.
Surprisingly not allergic to those.
Because Sean Penn did it first, and then she tried it.
I was just in a bar
that was very empty and they were at like the table
next to mine
I was also
at that bar because I had been told
they were there
Celebrities man, they're just like us
I even talked to Sean Penn
before he was
outside the bar
before I went in
I walked up and
I was with somebody that was like
mutual acquaints of his
and they said
Doug's in a show called The Marijuana Logs
and Sean Penn said
that sounds like a Woody Harrelson production
and that's the only time I've ever spoken to Sean Penn.
And it was enough.
I got a perfect amount of Sean Penn.
But yeah, and then they were sitting around.
Catherine Keener was there,
a couple other actors.
Wow.
Okay, this must have been
while they were filming
a particular movie
I will bring up later.
And I know it must have been around that time.
Because she was also in this movie that I'm thinking of.
Also, can I hit my jewel on stage?
You know what?
I know what that is, but that has an expression that sounds weird.
Hey, can I hit my jewel?
On stage.
But yeah, go for it.
You did it.
Do you want it?
No.
No, we're good.
We're trying to do a professional show over here.
There's a time for jewelry and there's a time for...
No jewelry.
That sounds like... Well, this is going to take a second
because Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman,
good Lord.
So no lifelines.
If you miss, you're completely out.
And of course, I'm going to play too
to try to spoil the whole situation.
Jeff won that last game, right?
Yeah.
Of course. Okay. So we'll go Jeff, me last game, right? Yeah. Of course.
Okay.
So we'll go Jeff, me, Troy, Anna.
Switch the order around.
You'll be all right.
There'll still be a few of their movies left after three.
After three are gone.
All right, start us off, Jeff.
What do you think?
Days of Thunder.
Okay, I get it.
You're being cocky.
Starting off with one
that they're both in.
Good job.
I'll go with... Oh, okay.
We're going to knock all those down.
I'll go with Eyes Wide Shut.
Ooh.
I'll go ahead and take
an interview with the vampire
right off the board.
Alright.
They're both in that one, right?
Did I do it right?
No, you're fine.
Nicole wasn't, though.
No, she wasn't.
Alright, I'll knock off the third.
It's mine.
I'm positive. I'll knock off the third. Whose turn is it? It's mine. You sure? I'm positive.
I'm waiting for this moment.
All right, give us your answer, Kelly Clarkson.
One shot, it's Mom's Spaghetti.
It's that Mom's Spaghetti song.
One shot, lose yourself.
Far and away.
That's the three movies they were in together.
Oh, snap.
Oh, far and away.
That's right.
I know.
Two places I wish I was while I was watching that movie.
It is so bad.
Okay.
It's nothing to die for.
Oh.
Now I get what's happening here. We need to Oh. Oh.
Now I get what's happening here.
We need to say our answer in the form of a sentence.
I got this, you guys.
Paddington?
I mean, of course I was going to think of that
With Jeff dressed as him
I might even have some marmalade
In my beard
I'm going to say Top Gun
Okay
Yep
Oh good one Trey
Thank you
Thanks
Thanks Anna Yep. Oh, good one, Trey. Thank you. Thanks.
Thanks, Anna.
Did I say that right?
Hammer, hammer, hammer.
Hammer, hammer, hammer.
That's why.
That was mean.
Oh, she's Italian, she's sassy
Is it anybody's birthday in here?
What?
Because if you're a female
You would be a birthday girl
Nicole Kidman
Damn
I mean that was pretty close to how we do it
I've had tits
I mean you're getting close You don't quite yet have all the right moves But you'll get there That was pretty close to how we do it. I've had to take it.
I mean, you're getting close.
You don't quite yet have all the right moves,
but you'll get there.
I want to go home.
I'll drink a cocktail to that.
If that was going to be mine, I was hoping for a drink.
Oh, man.
Risky business, all right.
Okay.
I'm just real workmanlike at this game.
I don't mess around too much.
I learned it from Jeff.
Bewitched.
No fun with that one.
Did you see that movie?
I own it on DVD.
It feels like it takes so many the hours.
It takes like five of the hours to watch.
Right?
I mean, it's okay.
That movie, if it was just called Hours,
that would have been better.
Are you okay, Jeff?
Nah, nah.
Are you losing it?
Also, yeah, you haven't said Jack Reacher yet,
so are you okay?
Jack Reacher, that's my answer.
Just Jack Reacher?
Yep.
Okay.
Batman forever.
Forever.
She does know her Kidman movies.
Jeff.
Oh, man.
Once we start talking about Badmins,
that really takes me down a rabbit hole.
Oh, my God.
That was a really good one.
I didn't even get it.
It's a Nicole Kidman movie.
I mean, I got it.
Later.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Alright.
Vanilla Sky.
Billis guy.
Live, Die, Repeat.
Also known as?
Edge of Tomorrow.
I got to say them both?
Yeah.
All right.
Well, there you go.
There's both of them.
Nicole Kidman is from Australia.
Oh!
That's the name of the movie, not a fact.
I told you, facts about her are not going to get you points.
Australia.
Australia, mate.
Oi, governor!
Right?
They don't...
That's it.
That's Australia, right?
Anyway, I've been there once,
and I vowed to Jack Reacher never go back.
I got bit by a snake.
Jack Reacher never go back.
All right.
Well, might as well get these ones rolling.
I'll go with the first mission, colon, impossible.
I'm going to say the firm.
Let's get those out of the way, too. Why is that so funny?
Because there's so many Mission Impossibles
They got a lot of words in them
And I am a man of few words.
Lion.
Oh.
Filmed partially in Cincinnati.
The part with the lions?
Yeah, one of them ate a fucking Red Bull cane.
Kevin James.
Kevin James had to stick his meat hook down there and fucking root around with those fat hands.
I think I found it.
No, you didn't.
Ah, man. james is fine he's like part of he's a he's a few good men um Shit.
I just, I can't, I can't remember anything right now.
I feel, I'm feeling like, I'm feeling like a boy erased.
Good one.
Yeah.
Those new ones are good.
Those new ones always get you.
Joy.
Tropic Thunder.
Yeah.
Everybody loves that movie, yeah.
Thank you.
So the movie that was filming that you saw all of them together was The Interpreter.
Oh, yeah.
The Interpreter. Yeah. saw all of them together was the interpreter. Oh, yeah. The interpreter.
Yeah.
Are you sure it wasn't one of the others?
The interpreter.
Oh.
Whoa.
God damn, Jeff.
You are a destroyer.
Destroyer.
Minority report.
Is that what you do every time you see one?
They're barbecuing again.
I mean, it's their porch, but come on. Moulin Rouge.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, man.
I'm going to have to just dig down deep
and find one in the old oblivion up here.
That didn't make any sense, Jeff.
I will say one thing about your demeanor playing this game.
You're dead calm.
Oh, my.
That is such a good one.
Yeah.
It's the old six-hander.
That was when I was keeping in the old holster up my butt, you know what I mean?
Like, and you...
Wait, you put your holster...
I kind of know what you mean.
You holster answers in your butt?
Billy Zane is in that one.
Yes.
He's always in a movie on a boat.
You know, Dead Calm is on a boat. You know,
Dead Calm is on a boat.
You know what I mean.
And Titanic.
Also a villain on a boat.
And The Phantom.
We're not playing Billy Zane though.
Yeah,
enough with the Billy Zane over there.
Sorry.
Is it my turn?
No, it's my turn.
Thanks.
I had time to think of one.
Yeah.
If she don't succeed,
Troy, Troy again.
Yeah!
You did it!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Okay, I'm going to try this again.
Is anybody here pregnant?
Are they about to give birth?
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
I'm really sorry.
I hated that I didn't.
That's okay.
It works better when it's a movie people have heard of.
It's just birth.
It's called Birth.
She bathed with a child.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's weird.
That doesn't help.
I still don't know it um
mission impossible ghost protocol oh
okay everyone's mad now i might as well say Mission Impossible 3 Alright I'm going to take a swing
at a Nicole Kidman
Okay good luck
Death Becomes Her What? No? Nope nope nope Nicole Kidman. Okay, good luck.
Death Becomes Her?
What?
No?
Nope, nope, nope.
I'm all out.
Which one between Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn,
which one do you think?
Which one's the most Nicole Kidman-like?
It was a little of both. They would combine to be very Nicole Kidman-like. It was a little of both.
They would combine to be very Nicole Kidman-like, that's true.
They're all great.
But thanks for playing, Troy.
Sorry, Seth. I tried.
I tried.
Would you like to
throw a donut out of anger?
Yeah, angry donut.
Here it comes, you guys.
Maybe throw it.
Oh, shit.
You catch it?
Stone cold stiff.
I still wanted somebody to catch it.
That guy looks like, that guy reminds me of me.
Like he's been training his whole life to catch a donut out of the air.
One of these days.
I've lost two marriages, but I swear to God, I'm going to catch a donut one day.
Yeah, he goes to a batting cage.
He's like, I don't need a bat.
You can't.
Stop putting donuts in the machine.
It fucks up the machine.
Is it my turn? It's my turn. Yeah. It fucks up the machine. Is it my turn?
It's my turn.
Yeah.
It's her turn.
Fur,
an imaginary portrait
of Diane Arbus.
Wow.
That's some real
full title shit
right there.
I mean,
fur title.
Jeff? I mean, fur title. Jeff.
Boy, if only I could tell the secrets in their eyes.
Did I say everyone's secrets in your eyes?
Who's in that?
Nicole Kidman.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
It's the way it's got Nicole Kidman and Julia Roberts.
Yeah, I was going to say Julia Roberts is in that.
She would tell the GF4.
No, she's in it
yeah she plays the third
I think it's
Meryl Streep
it is not
it is not
Meryl Streep
or Goldie Hawn
Jeff I have a question
about like
like how are you able
to come up with
all these titles
is it
is it practical magic?
That's so good.
Malice.
Oh, dope.
I heard that movie was American made.
Wow, he switched back over to Tom.
I see.
As long as we're messing around with Tom Cruise,
we might as well say taps.
Oh.
Oh, speaking of taps,
happy feet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Jerry Maguire. What?
Murmur.
I can't believe we hadn't said that one yet.
That is wild.
After the show, by the way,
I'm going to be just in front of the club.
It's such a nice night. I figure we should all be the outsiders.
Oh! Oh! I figure we should all be the outsiders.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Woo!
That was good.
In the great outdoors, Doug?
Is that what you're talking about?
That's not the right guy.
Am I back in?
Gotta get back in.
I've seen it happen before.
Or heard it. You can't just see a John Candy movie
And get back in
Everybody loved the guy
I thought we were doing a thing
I said a sentence
That's what you thought
You did
What do you got Anna?
Happy V2
Is there like a subtitle thing You have to do? No What do you got, Anna? Happy V-2.
Is there, like, a subtitle thingy after everything?
Jeff?
I can't believe it took so long to say Jerry Maguire. My favorite quote from Jerry Maguire is,
Show me the color of money.
Oh, man.
You know what people are going to call you, Jeff?
What's that?
Legend.
Yeah.
You know how many movies I just thought of?
Nine. Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
I just thought of two more.
Never seen anybody so excited about a two more.
Oh my God, can I get another drink?
No, I shouldn't.
I mean, some of these birthday girls
are born on the 4th of July.
Son of a bitch.
I know, I'm a real motherfucker.
Okay.
This is pretty serious.
I fuck this one up every time,
so I hope I say it right.
If I don't, it's been a pleasure playing with you guys.
Lambs for lions.
God damn it.
I always fuck it up.
Anna?
Portrait of a Lady.
Jeff?
Damn.
Portrait of a Lady.
Magnolia.
Can I use a lifeline for somebody to look up a movie that I know?
It's Nicole Kidman and George Clooney.
Can somebody look it up, please?
Give her that hat back. That's not how it works. Give her that hat back that's not how it works
give her that hat back
I thought you said
you had two more
plus no one is saying
the one I said wrong
it's an easy fix
Doug said
lambs for lions
and he was wrong
Doug said, lambs for lions.
And he was wrong.
But he was close.
He was just looking at it from the wrong side of the table.
Lions for lambs?
Yeah, there you go. Lions for lambs. I thought they would have talked about it in Zookeeper.
Nope, they just talked about Kevin James Dick.
Wow.
Sorry, that was the Tito's talking.
When it's, I guess it's down to me and Anna.
We're having a real War of the worlds up here.
Oh, really?
Because it seems like it's Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
The Invasion.
It's the Invasion.
Yeah, there we go.
Whoever went, oh, that's it.
Oh, boy.
We might have to deal with a little Mission Impossible Fallout from that answer.
It seems like we'll need the Peacemaker.
Oh, dunk!
That's the one.
George Clooney hits a car with a car.
It's awesome.
He fucking, he's out of bullets, so he hits a car with his car.
It's fucking cool.
The first like 15 minutes of it car. It's fucking cool. The first, like, 15 minutes of it suck.
It's so boring.
But then it really picks up.
I keep waiting for your census to end in a movie title.
Anyway, he went and married the Stepford Wives.
Fuck!
No, no, you're thinking of Eyes Wide Shut.
Yeah, the working title for that movie was
Fuck Party.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was released in Europe as Just Fuck.
They're really
progressive over there.
What do you got?
Anything?
How dare you
stump me on Nicole Kidman.
There's got to be
another one out there.
There's that one where she was all like,
what?
There was one that was filmed in Cincinnati.
I already said Lion.
No, no.
The other one.
There's another one.
She's been in the natty more than once?
Yeah, yeah.
I worked on Lion, Carol, Marauders, Ides of March, and the Mariah Carey one.
What is it?
A Christmas Melody.
It was on Lifetime.
I pooped in her bathroom.
That's the best.
Hammer!
Hammer!
Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer, hammer.
It's not easy to catch a donut.
It's got a hole in it.
That's why you train.
Anyway, I think it might be my turn.
Is it my turn?
Are we going to count that you pooped in Mariah Carey's trailer as an answer?
That was her house I pooped in.
It was her house?
That's awesome.
I thought Toilet was the movie.
I'm really fucked here.
Do I get a lifeline since I picked it?
No.
You got to pick the name and yet
still, Jeff is still
What a test.
breathing down your neck.
I just,
I'm a little under the weather.
Isn't there a, it was, do you guys see all the Mission Impossibles?
I think you said them all.
I saw Mission Impossible Reload.
No, you didn't.
Fuck.
No, I saw.
No, it was with Alec Baldwin in it.
Which one is that?
Fourth one?
I don't know.
I saw it at the gym, and I thought, remember this.
And now I don't.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought of it.
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation.
Oh, wow.
Good memory.
Oh wow, good memory Oh my fuck
Okay, go, you go
Alright, I'll go quick so you don't forget
Oh no
That kind of pressure is not good for me
I'm not good at that kind of pressure
No, hold on Pressure's not good for me. I'm not good at that kind of pressure.
No, hold on.
Are you really out of titles, Jeff?
No, she's fucking breathing.
She's fucking swooping in like a lady hawk.
We're having a great time.
This is the best day of my life.
It's fine.
I just said one.
Good luck.
Were you hoping that Nicole Kidman was in Ladyhawk?
Say it again.
What?
What did I say?
I didn't hear you.
Ladyhawk.
Yeah, isn't Tom Cruise in Ladyhawk?
No.
No.
I mean, Matthew Broderick does a great Tom Cruise impression in Ladyhawk.
There's one scene where he runs.
I mean, it's a good thing that's not what I said.
What kind of idiot would say Ladyhawk? So what did you say? What did I say? How did I say it?
Was it earlier?
Or when did I say it?
Thank you, sir.
Bless you.
Hey, no answers from the audience, please.
Collateral. Collateral.
Whoa.
I think y'all forgot the part of the story
where I belong to a Nicole Kidman fan club.
Golden Compass.
Yes.
club.
Golden Compass.
Yes!
I did forget that part of the story.
I think that's it for you, Jeff.
This might be...
Oh, Night and day.
Oh, shit.
Is it Valkyrie?
Oh, that's right. Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.. Oh, shit. I scared me so bad.
I made a human stain.
Oh, you human stain.
That's okay.
I told you about that movie. Uh-huh. Oh, my fucking sting. That's okay. I told you about that movie.
Uh-huh.
Oh, my fucking God.
Right?
Should have kept mum.
Holy shit.
I fucked myself.
Don't we all wish we could do that?
You played a good game.
No, no, no, no.
I'm looking forward to the new season of Big Little Lies
I can't do TV shows
I know you can't
Just sitting there talking
Oh
Just go with it
Adam Sandler
Just go with it, that is right
Yes it is
What? That is right. Yes, it is.
What?
Are you guys just gone with it?
Is that why?
Like, she said it was such conviction.
You were like, that seems right.
Who's in that one?
Adam Sandler, Jennifer Esten, Nicole Kidman.
Yeah, it's true.
Nicole Kidman was the name I was looking for. We got to get going, Jeff.
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know!
Austin Powers 2, The Spy Who Shagged Me.
No, no, no.
Is it three? No.
It's three. Goal member? You can't ask the audience, Jeff.
You said a wrong answer.
So you are
out. I'm out. Anna wins.
Hammer! Hammer!
Hammer! Hammer!
Hammer! Hammer!
Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer!
Michelle, come get your prizes.
Congratulations.
Let's do some plugs.
There you go.
I mean, Troy. God damn.
Come on.
You are amazing
Hey
Hey
Oh Candy
Thank you
Congratulations
And you can have
Your name tag back
And everything
What do you got to plug Troy
Oh
What's the podcast called
It's called Altered Tates
And we haven't
We'll be making more episodes
We just did one
We got one in the can
Is that how you guys say it
Mm-hmm
And then it's It'll plop soon Is that how you guys say it? Mm-hmm. And then it'll plop soon.
Is that what you say?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
I'm a pro.
So listen to Alter Tate's.
Yeah.
Thanks for having me here, Doug.
Thank you, Troy Tate, for his first appearance on the show.
Good luck.
Anna Maza.
I am at Go Bananas this coming weekend.
I'm hosting for... Nice, in Cincinnati, of course.
Yeah, in Cincinnati.
I'm hosting for Sally Brooks,
and I have some things going on this summer,
but I'll be at Go Bananas again in July.
I'm hosting for Greg Stone.
He has a podcast, The Raducast.
I guess it's popular.
I've never listened to it.
Sure.
But follow me on Instagram.
I post local shows and everything.
So come be my friend, I guess.
Yes, the hammer.
Jeff Tate, what do you have to plug?
I got a show on Friday at Street City Pub on 6th Street in Cincinnati
it starts at let's say
9 o'clock
I'll be in Knoxville
on the 15th
is that right?
I'm not going to see on the 15th. Is that right? I can't see.
Was that Morgan Freeman that said that?
Well, you don't have to come.
It's at a place called the...
I really want to know that guy's problem with Tennessee.
I want to know...
It's probably college sports related or something.
Oh, yeah, maybe.
Is it?
That's exactly what it is.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Right?
It's the emptiest of reasons.
Good for you.
It's the emptiest of reasons.
Good for you.
I'm at the Pilot Light in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Some of you can come.
Fuck Knoxville!
On the 17th of May, I'm at the LeZoom Room in Asheville, North Carolina.
Okay.
Right? And June 27th through the 30th,
I'm at Go Bananas.
Fuck Cincinnati!
Nice.
Nice.
That would be a fun trend
if during the plug portion
the audience just started saying
fuck whatever town we mentioned.
On July 24th, Glory is being released in theaters for one night.
I'm going to go see that.
That's it.
Altered Tates.
Check it out.
Yay.
Yay.
I'm doing a series of dates in the first week of June
called the Cannabis and Cheese Tour
because it's me and Dale Cheeseman
is going to be on every date.
It's a mix of stand-up and Douglas movies.
We're going to Boston, Providence, Philly...
Oh.
There's a dog in here.
And Baltimore and D.C.
And so come see one of those if you can.
And thank you to everyone who showed up tonight.
This was so much fun.
Thank you to Comedy Off-Broadway.
And one more time for my guests, Troy Tate, Anna Anna Mazza and Jeff Tate
get that
theme music ready Jordan
because I'm about to say
as always positive energy
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Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of Gold is viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
cause Doug loves movies.