Doug Loves Movies - Graham Elwood, Mike Baldwin and Dave Little guest
Episode Date: May 21, 2015Live from Hyena's Comedy Night Club in Dallas, TX, Doug welcomes Graham Elwood, Mike Baldwin and Dave Little to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Priv...acy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby sticky seeds
With 50 azod pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Welcome to Hyenas!
It's a gas!
My name is Doug, and I love movies!
This is the Club Movies!
Hey, everybody.
Welcome once again.
We're doing it again, you guys.
This is Dallas, Texas, Hyenas Comedy Club.
Mockingbird
Station.
What's the date?
It's in here somewhere.
It's May 20th, 2015.
Did you guys bring some
name tags? I have a feeling
it's going to be a pretty
impressive batch of name tags. And have a feeling it's going to be a pretty impressive batch of name tags.
And I was right.
Gardaniel of the Galaxy.
Right up front.
That's pretty sweet.
James instead of Jaws. I get it.
Gone Baby Jeff.
And then a picture of you as a baby?
Like, it's your abduction story?
That's some crazy shit.
Bon voyage, Charlie W.
That's your name, Charlie W?
Yes, sir.
You should have it legally changed to Brown.
Then you don't have to mess with that W stuff.
Oh, my God.
There's so many good ones.
Oh, the Incredables?
Your name's Abel?
Yeah.
All right.
Let the right rob in.
And your name's Robin.
I'm getting so good at this.
Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy.
Your name clearly is Soldier.
Sister Soldier is here, everybody.
Oh, no, there's some donuts.
Is those donuts?
What are they?
Beignets or croissants?
All right, a whole mixture of stuff.
I don't know how you got it in here.
Oh, this place doesn't really serve food, does it?
Just like pretzels and stuff.
Oh, they got some nice food here
now that I look at it.
I take it back.
Well, I'm impressed they let you bring that in.
Alright, you guys can put them down.
Your arms are going to get tired.
And it's not my decision, but I do appreciate all the hard work that went into all of those.
And good luck to everybody.
Good luck tonight, everybody.
Since last I spoke and you listened, I did super fun shows in Pensacola and Mobile.
And in between between I attended
the Hangout Fest in Gulf Shores, Alabama
they should add comedy
next year
that's all I'm saying, I was there anyway
I was just there all high and drunk
might as well got up on stage
tell a couple of jokes
Sunday
I enjoyed the very satisfying
series finale
of Mad Men. Doug loves
TV, too.
Good job to all the
two guys that are
on here all the time from Mad Men.
Rich
and John.
They hate Harry Crane so much,
people on the internet.
They're so mean to Harry Crane.
But Rich Summers is a totally nice guy.
Last night I went to see Paramore at the Verizon Theater over there in Grand Prairie.
Which part of that was funny?
Paramore? I love Paramore.
But Grand Prairie is an interesting place
I think it's just
stadiums
it's just an off ramp
to a series of stadiums
and places for massive events
and it seems like
it's set up for a nice quick evacuation
but
they still got a few more dates coming up on their Riding the Future tour, so
check them out if you can. And of course, I'm going to try to be on the next Parahoy cruise.
This weekend, I'll be at the Sasquatch Festival in George Washington. Yeah, there's a place called
George Washington. And my set is at five o'clock on Monday. But I'll be there all four days hanging out.
So say hi.
Doug Loves Movies returns to Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas on Sunday, May 30th.
DougLovesMovies.com.
You know how it works.
I got a prize bag for somebody.
Somebody's winning the prize bag tonight.
Like I said, I was at a hangout festival,
and they gave me some schwag, you know, a bag of fun things.
I'm going to share some of it with you now.
This is something I almost don't want to part with,
but I'm trying not to be a pack rat.
I'm trying to, like, not just collect a bunch of shit,
so that's why I'm giving it to you guys. And, uh, this is, but this is
kind of cool. It's a hangout fest, uh, soccer ball that like, you know, if you have a pump,
you can't just do it with your mouth. You can't fill it with your mouth. I think they
just give you flat ones cause they don't want people,'t want people smashing each other in the head with them at the
actual festival. So this
you can't really, if you throw it in the crowd, it's just
going to, or become a hat.
It's a yarmulke for that
kid on the go.
That kid that wants to score some goals.
Anyway, that's in the prize bag.
I'm giving up that valuable item.
I brought all the way from California, my friends at Poke Bowl,
one of the more beautiful Poke Bowls that you may have seen on Getting Doug with High.
There it is.
That's going in the prize bag. We've also got a copy of my most recent record,
which will be no longer the most recent one very soon
because Promotional Tool comes out on June 9th.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does.
But just for making the Guardians of the Galaxy poster.
What was your name again?
Gardianiel.
Gardianiel.
You get a copy of the CD, Gardianiel.
And then I'm pretty sure my guests brought some stuff
so let's get them out here, guys.
Let's get a big warm welcome to Mike Baldwin,
Dave Little, and Graham Elwood. All right, everybody just file out of the building
as apparently some sort of alarm has gone off.
Safety first.
I know podcasting is fun and so are nachos.
For a minute I was like, that's fun.
But then I was like, how is he really going to...
I'll do that for 90 minutes, ladies and gentlemen.
Here we go.
Doug loves alarms.
Doug loves alarm and imitations.
Intruder. Intruder. Intruder Alert
Penetration
Core meltdown in ten
Nice
Cease penetration
Stranger danger.
Stranger danger.
That's Graham Elwood,
one of those voices.
Hello.
Hello, Dallas.
Take control, Dallas.
Take control
of your weird mall town.
He brought...
Yes, the mayor lives in Urban Outfitters.
He brought a...
And they keep smashing his window.
They brought...
Graham brought a copy of
The Comedy Film Nerd's Guide to Movies
for the prize bag.
Whoa!
Whoa!
And I'm sure he's got plugs
I got a god damn bunch of plugs bitch
um yeah
comedy film nerds podcast listen to it
it's in iTunes got some of you already do
you're amazing
yeah and I'm uh
Los Angeles podcast festival where this podcast
Doug Loves Movies and Dining With Doug
and Karen will be at the
Sao Patel Hotel in Beverly Hills
September 18th or 20th.
Get your tickets
at lapodfest.com.
Woo!
Woo!
I did not care for...
You know, Graham, people try to sleep when they
listen to this podcast. I know.
And we don't need them to be
constantly alarmed. Hush know. And we don't need them to be constantly alarmed.
Hush, little baby,
don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a boo!
Right when we got to where
we would have to pay for clearance,
I put the alarm in there.
Suck it.
I don't think anybody
would ever have to pay
for that song.
I don't think we need clearance, Clarence.
Stop calling me Shirley.
Graham and I are bookending
a couple of newbies to the show, you guys.
Local phenoms.
Let's give it up for Dave Little
and Mike Baldwin, everybody.
Hi.
Yeah.
That's how you do it right
You do this
You cup it
You scream
Everybody has so many voices
I only just have this one
I don't know
I can't do other things
That's Mike Baldwin
What do you got in the box
Is it Gwyneth Paltrow's head
No I have
Is it her vagina What's in the box That's partly why I brought the box? Is it Gwyneth Paltrow's head? No, I have... Is it her vagina?
What's in the box?
Is it her vagina?
That's partly why I brought the box.
What's in the goddamn box?
I have several things.
I have a T-shirt that says,
it says,
Ninjas hate crunchy leaves.
That is something we all should pay attention to, folks.
Okay, and then I have,
I got one of my CDs.
I'm Mike Baldwin.
It's a Mike Baldwin CD.
It's called Front to Back.
And I know what that means.
What?
I have a yellow pack of American Spirit cigarettes.
God damn.
I have a...
I don't know if I approve of giving away a potential addiction.
Then I have disposable electronic cigarettes instead.
Oh, okay.
I have iced berry and menthol and regular and banana.
Holy shit.
Right?
And they're from a company that I work for that I won't say their name if you don't want me to,
but if you want me to, then I will.
Oh, get a free plug-in.
They're called White Cloud Electronic Cigarettes.
They have a soft tip, so it feels like you're smoking then I will. Oh, get a free plug-in. They're called White Cloud electronic cigarettes. They have a soft tip,
so it feels like you're smoking
a real cigarette.
Oh, do I?
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
And then finally,
I have a...
Not cool.
I have a container.
It's a Spick and Span brand
auto or truck or RV
glass wet wipes.
Holy shit.
That's it.
It's pretty amazing that to this day, there's a product with the word. That's it. It's pretty amazing that
to this day there's a product with the word
spick on it.
Folks, the comedy film nerd guide
to movies, you can roll it up and smoke it
or use it to clean your car, folks.
Multi-use.
That's not true.
Alright, well pass
all that stuff over here
That's no longer yours to own
It's all going in the prize bag
We got some cancer for a lucky person
And now my car is slightly cleaner
And what about you Dave Little
What'd you bring
I got a bag
Hey back off dude
What's in the fucking bag?
Well, let's see. I want to make
out later, so I brought some toothpaste.
Well, you should hang on to that then.
I'll put it in the bag. Okay, my bad.
No, fuck it. I'll give it away.
I have
two of my CDs, and these are
collector's items. Nobody has these.
Oh, okay.
Limited edition.
Wow, this one is even the CD case.
The jewel case is cracked. Yeah.
Because it's free. That's why.
It's free. So, fuck.
They're called Great Expectations
by Dave Little and
Uncomfortable
Moments. Yeah, like my act.
Okay.
Both of those are in there.
What else you got?
Okay, that water on the floor.
We got a water on the floor.
See, and that's why they put lids on water.
Easter egg with some money.
It's got cash money in it.
Okay, let's let the games begin.
Graham Elwood.
Right.
From the sound of this.
How much money do you think is in this egg?
I need.
How much money do you think is in this egg?
$1.30 Mike Baldwin gets to bid
How much is in the egg?
$0.86
Can I periscope this?
Dave
If you have to, I guess.
Yeah.
Is this not enough?
Wow.
Why don't you just live in the moment, dude?
And so will everyone else.
Right.
Yeah, give everyone their moment.
They're not here.
They don't get to live in this moment.
How much do you think it is, Dave?
Well, I put it in.
Oh, so when you put the money in, you remembered how much you put in?
No.
So that's why I think you should get to play.
Damn you.
I'm going to say.
How much do you think it is?
Because I know there's some copper in there.
I'm going to say that there's 47 cents.
Oh, interesting.
He's lowballing himself.
All right, so Graham said 131.
What about you, Doug?
I'm not going to guess.
I got to hold it.
I know how much is in there.
I have the...
It's a weird superhero strength,
but I'm very good with heft.
You should work at the fair.
Like the weight of something, I could tell you
how much it's worth.
I think your guess is probably more accurate.
What did you say, Mike?
I don't remember.
You said $18.
There we go.
Oh, you said $86. Alright, so I got
here, I got $25,
$35, $45, $55 right. So I got here. I got 25, 35, 45, 55, 60, 71 cents.
Holy shit.
So you did win.
Price is right style.
You were the closest to guessing the amount of money you put in this egg.
Thank you.
Dave Little, ladies and gentlemen.
Early leader.
Early leader.
All right. Pass that bag over here.
Okay, there's other shit in here, though.
Oh, there's more stuff?
Fuck yeah.
It's not just an Easter egg.
If it's another egg with more money in it, we're not going to do that again.
It was fun for once.
Oh, it's one of my t-shirts.
Oh, you got t-shirts.
What's it say? I don't know.
This is a podcast. You gotta say it.
Win Dave Little's approval.
And you have an unapproving face.
On the shirt. Thank you.
Not in real life.
I also have...
It's okay.
That's where I got it from.
The floor. I also have a wristband. It's okay That's where I got it from The floor
I also have a wristband
It's WTFWJD
What the fuck would Jesus do?
How much money do you think Jesus would have put in that egg?
47 cents
That's about it
No, you did a great job
And you brought the biggest bag So that's going to be the new prize bag.
Everything's going in there.
Okay.
Graham, how many people are watching this Periscope?
I think we got 14 people watching this fucking thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
14 people around the world, ladies and gentlemen, are watching this now live.
Wait, what are you doing?
Periscope, it is a new app, clearly very new.
There are 14 people watching this live.
Three of them have just said, one went, woo, one went, what's up, fools?
And another one went, ha, ha, ha.
So we are having an exciting Periscope event.
Someone just typed, take control.
We are still at 14.
Oh.
Nobody gives a shit that I'm doing this.
Yeah, shut it down.
All right.
I'm winning my fantasy baseball.
Bye-bye, Periscope viewers.
Bye, Periscope viewers.
Bye, nobody gives a fuck about you.
I'll show them who's a fucking fool.
I'm sorry.
Correction.
23 total.
Holy shit.
Yes.
26% retention.
Retention.
Retention is crucial.
Retention on that.
Three minutes and 26 seconds was the duration, folks.
Nice work, hyenas.
Book it.
All right.
So that's what's
in the prize bag.
That's what's going on
on Periscope.
Graham,
have you been to the movies lately?
Oh, I was talking
about a little movie
about there was
an angry gentleman
named Maximilian.
He was on a road.
Holy shit, was that movie awesome.
Comedy Film Nerd fan at Jason Christian on Twitter said it was Cannonball Run.
And what's that fucking weird event in the desert?
You're really quoting this guy and don't even remember.
And I don't even remember.
No, Burning Man and Cannonball Run had a baby,
and that was Mad Max Fury Road.
I fucking loved it.
I thought it was awesome.
We did a spoiler ep on it for Comedy Film Nerds
with Kevin Avery from The John Oliver Show,
so we talk about it at great length.
So fucking awesome.
I'm going to spray my paint with,
spray my face with silver paint and go to Valhalla. I'm going to spray my paint with, spray my face
with silver paint
and go to Valhalla.
I'm going to paint my,
spray my face
with paint.
I love Max,
Max,
Max.
Wow,
Periscope's missing this.
Oh God,
there's 14 people
missing out on this gold.
On you talking,
kind of.
I feel like the middle of the book is less
interesting than the cover
and the back cover.
You're like, the book ends. It's like,
whoa, look at the back. Did you read it?
It looks awesome. It's loud.
And it keeps going, woo!
I was like, hey, look, there's Doug Benson on the cover.
Alright, I'll check it out.
Have you seen The Fury Road, Mike?
No. Don't look at the guy who was just saying that he saw it.
I haven't seen it.
No, the last movie that I saw was, I want to say Edge of Tomorrow.
Go ahead.
I haven't been very, but I'm scared to say it.
Say it.
Edge of Tomorrow.
Boo. That's not, yeah, I'm scared to say it. Say it. Edge of Tomorrow. Boo.
But that's not...
Yeah, I know.
It's not new and exciting.
You tricked him, Dave.
You really suckered him in on that one.
I might have.
Yeah.
You made him feel like it was going to be safe.
I know.
And then you slapped him.
I saw Godzilla on HBO the other day.
It was okay.
All right.
Right?
You have HBO?
Walter White.
No, but my friend has HBO, so I have HBO Go.
Oh, gosh.
This is kind of sad.
But I have Hulu, and I share my Hulu with her.
That should be their new slogan, HBO, your friend has it.
Invite Mike over.
Yeah.
Yeah, HBO, can Mike Baldwin watch with you?
He hasn't seen Godzilla yet.
Was waiting for the small screen
to see that monster movie.
It really is one of the better movies
to see on the smaller screen.
Yeah, the smaller the better with Godzilla.
If you can't watch it on your phone, walk away.
Watch it on your goddamn watch.
Watch, watch.
Hashtag watch, watch.
Watch, watch.
What about you, Dave Little?
What about me?
Welcome to you.
Thank you.
Have you been to the movies?
I went next door last week
The Angelica right here in Mockingbird Station
Oh
Cool
It's a hard house
It's got mainstream sometimes
It's the best of both worlds
I saw Lambert Stamp
What?
I saw those words when I went by the theater
Wow
And didn't even slow down to figure out what the fuck Lambert Stamp is.
What is Lambert Stamp?
What?
What is Lambert Stamp?
They're my attorneys.
They got offices right there in the movie theater?
Okay.
Because I didn't pay my taxes.
Okay.
No, it's a documentary about the who.
Oh, no, I've heard about this. Actually, no, I heard about that documentary. It's supposed to be great. Yeah. No, it's a documentary about the who. Oh, no, I've heard
about this.
Actually, no, I've heard
about that documentary.
It's supposed to be great.
Yeah, well, it is.
That would be like
a cool thing to do, though,
if you owned a movie theater
to like make up a fake movie
and then if people
wanted to buy drugs
or like, I don't know
what else, like in there,
you know, just like
one ticket for,
and then a weird word
that I can't come up with
on the spot right now.
You're really good at this.
They'd be like,
$5,000, please.
And you'd be like, here you go.
Maybe they'd have HBO, too.
Nah, we're past that.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not.
So I saw that, Doug. It was good.
And it covered the whole
who?
The whole who?
Did it tell you about the whole who?
Yeah. No, they just covered that weird part where that one guy like killed himself and then they
all haven't ended yeah two of them two of them did you see it with horton was he there no no
so horton didn't hear this who documentary oh he had to do the joke after he set it up just
couldn't resist it that's why we can't do periscope right there i had to do the joke after he set it up. Just couldn't resist it. That's why we can't do Periscope right there.
I had to do it.
No.
But there's great documentaries, too,
which are by the same director about Rolling Stones and Kurt Cobain right now.
And you found this Who one seems to be getting no attention.
I paid money.
And it was...
Can you tell us what's
the storytelling style of it? Is it like
footage of them playing?
Lambert and Stamp were their
managers. Oh, okay.
And they found them when the Who used to be the high
numbers. This is so
interesting. Just because
people are laughing doesn't mean they're not interested.
I disagree.
It means they hate you
and everything that's coming out of you but but they're having fun with it they're laughing
they're laughing okay so if someone's quietly listening that means they for just sitting there
going i fucking hate you and everything that's coming this audience is seething with anger about
this fucking lambert stamp bullshit no No, but... What is Lambert
stamp? Is that a guy? He just
explained it. God damn it.
That's how uninteresting
it is, Dave. A fellow
panelist can't even follow
who the fuck Lambert
stamp is. I just lost Periscope
followers and I'm not even streaming
right now. 47 cents!
That's from earlier.
I'd see a movie called Stambert
Lamp. I'd see that.
Well, that might be the sequel.
It's people's names.
Yeah. Alright.
Lambert and Stamps sounds like some sort of detective
show on TNT. You know what I mean?
Where they're like shoulder to shoulder in the
poster like,
Lambert's a biker,
stamps a CPA,
but they're gonna solve crimes
or something.
Nah, I just imagine
like my grandma being like,
can I get a book of stamps, please?
And they're like,
the Wright brothers okay?
And she's like,
I'd like the Lambert stamps.
So anyways,
the movie I saw was Mad Max.
And I really enjoyed it.
I loved it very much.
And you know I always say, fuck documentaries.
I've always said that.
If I ever see one about the Who, fuck that.
Have you seen Fed Up?
I'm not talking to you anymore.
Don't even look at me.
I'm just asking in general.
I saw it. I saw it.
I saw it.
But don't ask questions in general because then you'll get answers in specific.
So what do you guys think of The Sun?
I saw it came out today and hung out for a while.
The Sun.
Oh.
I was like, no, Fed Up's been out for a while.
Yeah. All right. Anyway. Who directed that? I'll stop. I was like, no, Fed Up's been out for a while. Yeah.
Oh, all right, anyway.
Wait, who directed that?
I'll stop.
I saw it, Fed Up.
All right.
No, you brought it up like you wanted to talk about it.
I just, I don't know.
And now you're just...
I was hoping.
Okay, good.
That's a newer movie that I saw.
Like if a buddy of yours said, hey, I just saw Fed Up, do you just go, all right.
Thanks. Mission accomplished. Yeah. Well, no, it was... Fed Up. Did you just go, all right. Thanks.
Mission accomplished.
Good for you.
It was good, yeah.
It's no Lambert Stamp.
It's not.
Nothing is.
Nothing is, really.
Nope.
There's nothing else that's Lambert Stamp.
Lambert Stamp is barely Lambert Stamp.
So, Fed Up, did it scare you?
It made me want to not do the things that it said that you shouldn't do.
See, I'm easily swayed, you know.
See, I quit sugar because of that movie.
But I, you know, I quit eating meat for like a couple weeks when I saw like a sad video.
Oh, was it called Bambi?
Something, I don't know, you know.
Was it called Babe Picking the City?
Every documentary that I see makes me go, yeah!
You know, like, I don't know.
Right, yeah.
You walk out of the documentary and he's, like, angry
and, like, ready to change your life.
Yeah, we gotta do something, man.
And then ten seconds later,
you're like, I can't recycle.
Right.
I don't have the strength.
I love Coke.
Yeah, I love Coke.
No, but I really took
the ten-day challenge
when I saw Fed Up
and quit sugar for ten days.
And after ten days of it,
I was like, oh, I could just keep doing this.
And so now I, you know, every once in a while I have something with sugar in it.
But for the most part, I quit it.
Quit it.
And now you feel a million times better.
Yeah.
No, I've gained weight.
I'm depressed.
I don't have any friends.
It's really bad.
You got to get through that, man.
Once you get through that, then the other side is beautiful.
You're a good life coach.
Thanks.
You really are.
Without HBO.
You're a good life student.
I saw Welcome to Me just minutes ago
at the aforementioned Angelica.
You guys like that?
It's an interesting movie.
It wasn't trying too hard to make you laugh, that's for sure.
Been there.
But it made you think, like, why the fuck am I watching this?
No, it was an interesting movie.
Kristen Wiig is so talented.
She's pretty good, right?
She plays quite a weirdo in it.
That's unfair. Not a weirdo. She's
a person that needs the proper medication
and doesn't get it.
Isn't that all weirdos?
Mm-hmm.
Right?
I don't know. There's some rogue weirdos
out there that are just like, I'm just gonna be
fucking weird. I'm perfectly sane,
but I'm just gonna be weird as a choice. I don't know. See? There's one right over there. That to be fucking weird. I'm perfectly sane, but I'm just going to be weird as a choice.
I don't know.
See, there's one right over there.
That guy is really weird.
They all need medication.
You sounded like a lady.
You made a choice to sound like a lady.
All right, guys.
This is the part of the show where I say, let the games roll.
Let the games roll. Coming this fall to Fox, the Bane Twins.
All right, we got lots of name tags.
Such an impressive array.
I think I'm going to vine it.
And these guys are going to pick who they want to play for.
Oh, my vine is dead. What the fuck? All right. Well, they pick who they're going to vine it. And these guys are going to pick who they want to play for. Oh, my vine is dead.
What the fuck?
All right.
Well, they pick who they're going to play for.
Let's do this brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
Hey, hey, hey.
Summer's on the way.
And you know what that means.
A new Doug Benson album is due any day now.
Come on, Doug.
Push.
Promotional Tool is my eighth stand-up album in as many years, and June 9th is the date it's available for your ears.
Get it on iTunes or
astrecords.com if you want a physical
CD that you can hold in your grubby
mitts. Both are only six bucks,
and it's 76 minutes
of incoherent rambling recorded
live in Denver, yeah!
On 420.
Get it or don't get it,
it's your life.
Now back to the show.
And we're back.
I gotta do the
fat guy shirt thing.
Couldn't have ended
that commercial soon enough.
Now you don't even know I'm fat.
Things were getting ugly here
at Hyenas of Dallas
because
I think that's the mistake.
You shouldn't apologize
for not picking People's name tags
You should just say
Great job everybody
Good job
Not everybody can be picked
No they can't
Sorry
Nope
Yeah
Oh no
Still not sorry
That's the first time
I've heard everybody
Boo somebody
For saying I'm sorry
I didn't pick your name tag
The dude with a dozen donuts
That didn't get picked
Is just sitting there
Chomping on them
And he just
He held them up to me like,
Bup, suck on that, Graham.
This could be you.
Are those donuts, too?
That's just a box?
Enjoy your sugar comas.
Have we?
Oh, what is that?
You picked already.
Don't try to trade up.
Well, no, I don't want to pick him.
I just want to eat his food.
Go eat his donut.
No, no, go ahead.
Okay, what? Can he have one? Okay, Mike, grab something't want to pick him. I just want to eat his food. Go eat his donut. No, no, go ahead. Okay, what?
Can he have one?
Okay, Mike, grab something and he'll get a donut.
Bring the whole box over here just in case my blood sugar drops at the end of the show.
We got cake.
We brought cake.
We're in Dallas.
We made the biggest cake you've ever seen.
I got a souffle over here.
This cake is made of a 10-gallon hat with a gun in it.
And spiders.
A gun hat.
I have no idea what the hell this is.
Oh, what the fuck is that thing?
I got to eat that thing.
Oh, it's cheese.
What was that thing?
Oh, you just got croissants and just baked goods?
It's a whole variety pack, dude.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Look at the size of this thing.
Do I chew into the microphone?
Does this have bacon in it?
What's that thing sticking out of it?
Uh-oh.
You don't even know what this is, you fucking weirdo.
I don't know what kind of Mad Max food that is.
I don't know.
It's a dolphin's ear.
I don't know what's in it. It's a dolphin's ear. I don't know what's in it.
It's a baby's foot.
I don't know.
Just eat it.
This is just going to be the same.
It's Texas.
Dolphins have ears, you guys.
Well, they do when they're born, and then guys are like, just cut them off and put them
in the croissants.
SeaWorld takes the dolphin's ears, so we don't know that they used to have ears.
I saw that movie.
All right.
Now I'm going to eat that thing.
God damn it.
Now I'm hungry.
You weirdo.
Can it make me eat a dolphin ear?
This thing tastes weird.
I'm going to chuck it right at your face.
It tastes like chicken.
If it tastes weird.
Chunk it at his face.
Chunk it.
Chunk it.
Ah! Chunk it at his face Chunk it, chunk it That's not bad
Thanks dude
That guy's alright
Tastes pretty good
Yeah, yeah
It's not bad
Not bad, not bad
It's a good dolphin here
Hey Doug
I'm playing for a guy
It's my favorite movie
Mad Max That's who I'm playing for a guy It's my favorite movie Mad Max
That's who I'm playing for
Look at that
Look what he did
He changed it to
Mad Max Fury Roman
Yeah
Because his name is Roman
And he has a printer
Yeah
So
And he wrote a shithead
On the back
But don't say that out loud
We'll save that for the end
Right
If you don't prevail
Yeah
And then
I won't Mike with that piece of Whatever We'll save that for the end if you don't prevail. Yeah. And then Mike
with that piece of
whatever that is.
Is that like a shortbread
or something?
It's got coconut in it.
It's a macaroon.
It's a macaroon.
It's a...
Oh.
Macaroon.
Dave just threw a piece
of macaroon at the guy.
I picked this guy.
I picked Eric
because this is a really good movie
and it jumped out at me.
All right.
Wet Hot Eric Summer.
Right.
Any relation to Rich Summer?
Graham, who are you playing for?
I got a really good...
Oh, you got a mouthful.
He's got a mouthful, you guys.
It's a really big name he's playing for.
I got to tell you what.
I'm going to eat this goddamn dolphin
and I'll get it right.
This guy's name is Taylor, right?
Yeah. Wow, he just made his voice deeper. Taylor, right? Yeah.
Wow, he just made his voice deeper.
Yes, I'm Taylor.
Three Taymigos.
He's got the three amigos posters, for those of you listening at home.
And then he put his face on all three guys and it says the three Taymigos.
Right?
All right, I picked a shitty sign.
That's not, you know, they can't all be home runs.
It's got lights on it.
You didn't even mention the most important part.
I always go for the lights. I'm such a sucker. I'm like a moth.
Oh, this guy's trying to trade up
over here. God, you guys are a bunch of bartering
sons of bitches. Yeah, it's Texas.
Welcome.
Everything
for sale.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know whose voice that was. Everything for sale. I don't know
whose voice that was.
Everything for sale.
What the fuck is going on?
Dave, we invited you here tonight because everybody here loves you and we think you need help.
Oh, no.
That's nice.
And so we just thought we should show you what could happen to you on the path you're on.
And that's Graham Elwood over there.
See what clean living
does to a person?
You need to start drinking.
You need to smoke some weed.
All right.
Check.
You need to put down
the giant bear claw.
Whatever the fuck
that thing is.
What is in the inside
of that thing?
You killed it.
Period.
Yeah, it looks like...
Why would you say that?
What?
Are you 12 years old?
That's a snack that's called
That Time of the Munch.
Oh.
It's a real fun pastry place.
All the pastries are named
after disgusting bodily...
behavior.
Behavior.
God damn it.
Now I can't take another bite
Out of this now
Why?
Because I gotta fuck it
Yeah just
Jam your dick in it
Jam your mouth dick in it
I'm gonna give this
Dolphin crepe a baby
That's what I'm gonna do
Babies
I'm gonna not have sex
With my
Whatever this thing is
I'm just going to jerk off.
Is that a prediction
or a threat?
It's a forecast.
Oh, you checked in with the
Doppler radar?
There's a storm front in my pants.
And it's a coming.
Yeah.
Take cover ladies False alarm
False alarm
This emergency alert
From the emergency broadcast system
Is interrupting your favorite soap opera
You piece of shit loser Get off the couch There's an Amber Alert from the emergency broadcast system is interrupting your favorite soap opera,
you piece of shit loser.
Get off the couch.
There's an Amber Alert.
Get off the couch.
That's what they always say.
Get off the couch, guys.
Amber Alert's coming to town.
I love them.
Is that a band?
No, yeah, they're part of the circus We're gonna play
A new game you guys
What's it called?
Let's
Yeah
Movies
Movies
Probably the first
And last time
This will get played
Jason M1222
Suggested this on Twitter
I mean he gave me
The name of the game
And then I had to
Kind of build a game Around it But the of the game and then I had to kind of build a game around it.
But the name is so good that I had to do it.
It's time to play.
Now Bushimi, now you don't.
What?
It's awesome.
I don't know this game.
It's a brand new game.
Oh.
How's your sign?
And you can finish your food.
You got plenty of time to finish your food, Graham,
because we're going to start with Mike.
Oh, okay.
What do I do?
You know the answer in the audience.
Don't yell out.
This is just for Mike to figure out by himself.
I'm going to name three movies.
Okay.
Steve Buscemi was in two of them, but not in the third.
And your job is to pick out the movie that he was not in.
If you fail, then we pass to Dave, and he gets to try.
But if you succeed, then Dave gets a new set of three.
All right.
You'll see how this works or doesn't work.
Oh, God.
As we go.
Maybe that's what you should name it.
I'm glad Graham finally got a napkin for that period.
Yeah, I get a little cranky.
You ate the period?
You're gross, dude.
Mike, was Steve Buscemi...
Damn it.
Which one of these was he not in?
Vibes
Hannah and Her Sisters
Or Mystery Train
Jesus
He's played a lot of small parts
And a lot of movies
Are you sure that those are all movies
That you just said?
These are all films.
All right, I'm going to just, I have to just guess, because I have not seen any of the three.
Guess which one he was not in.
Well, of course he was not in Hannah and Her Sisters.
That's correct.
He was not in Hannah and Her Sisters.
Wow.
Good call.
Because he's not Hannah, he probably wouldn't have played one of her sisters.
You don't know.
He's a good actor.
That's an interesting theory you have there, but he's also not a mystery or a train.
Valid.
And his vibes are generally pretty good.
Seems like a nice guy.
But let's move on to Dave.
I'm going to give you three new movies.
Please say Bad News Bears.
If you are wrong, it'll move on to Crab. Bad News Bears. Please say Bad News give you three new movies. Please say Bad News Bears. If you are wrong, it'll move on to Crab.
Bad News Bears.
Please say Bad News Bears.
Here we go.
Please say Bad News Bears.
Which one of these was he not in?
New York Minute, New York Stories, or King of New York?
I'm going to say King of New York.
That is incorrect.
He was in King of New York.
Well, you don't have to yell.
I feel like you were yelling.
That was incorrect.
Okay, better.
It's like if Alec Baldwin hosted a game show.
That was incorrect.
All right, do I have to eat a period donut?
Or what do I do now?
You just fucking sit there and shut the fuck up.
Okay.
I love this game.
You can leave your hat on.
Let's call this game Marriage.
Fuck.
You know I'm always looking for good titles for the game,
so yeah, I might go with Now It's Time to Play Marriage.
Graham,
you got a lucky break here
because you get to choose between New York Stories and New York
Minute. Which one was Buscemi
not in of those two?
New York
Minute. That's correct.
That was the Olsen twins
vehicle that even
Steve Buscemi would say no to appearing
in. I knew it was something with New York in it. You knew Steve Buscemi would say no to appearing in.
I knew it was something with New York
in it.
You knew you narrowed
it down to a New York
movie.
That's why you're I
think you've got
potential to be a good
player.
Thank you.
But for now you're out.
OK.
And now we go to Mike.
Yeah.
Of these three.
Yeah.
Name some fucking movies.
Billy Bathgate.
In the soup.
Swimming with sharks.
Bath soup sharks.
Boat cucumber wire.
I'm guessing again, obviously.
And I'm going to go with the shark one.
You're saying he's not in Swimming with Sharks?
No.
That is correct.
He's not in Swimming with Sharks.
I'm just going to guess.
I don't know.
Not that.
I totally...
I'm doing the thing that like my girlfriend would do when
we're picking like the brackets or whatever.
Just like, that one sounds fun.
Right? Like, sharks
don't sound like Steve Buscemi
to me. Anyway.
What are you gonna call your girlfriend when you're married?
What? Uh, I don't
I don't
really have a girlfriend. I just... That's a classic maneuver there.
Like when someone says,
knock, knock,
and you go, come in.
Only needed you to say two words.
Let's say you had a girlfriend.
And then you married her.
Then what would she be?
My wife.
My wife!
It's that easy, Mike.
That's all you had to do.
I don't know.
I didn't know.
You get applause just for doing what you're...
Yeah.
You're like Shamu at SeaWorld.
I just get you to do what I want you to do.
And people applaud.
And then you're supposed to walk away satisfied
without any idea
what the fuck just happened.
And kill a trainer.
You've been separated
from your family.
Yeah, let's kill
some motherfucking trainers.
I still don't know
what happened.
Let's fucking drown
these goddamn trainers.
Because we can't see
the people at corporate
at SeaWorld
that demanded that we be
separated from our families
and treated like prisoners.
I would like a dead fish.
He doesn't have HBO.
Does anyone have a bucket
of dead fish heads?
Yeah, that guy made them
into a donut over there
on stage, right?
Fish donut.
That's the donut
I would never eat.
A fish flavored donut.
You guys want to?
What's that?
Let's play a game about movies or whatever, right? Wow. Do guys want to? What's that? Let's play a game about movies
or whatever, right?
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
I don't want to get to where you're like,
oh, and we're out of time. We had this one thing
and we're just talking about dumb donuts
and shit. And it's like, no, let's focus.
Do you think this is the first one of these
shows that went off the rails?
Do you think every other one prior to this was just like, game, game, game, game, game,
and this is the one where it's like fucking around?
I'm two for two, man.
I like this game.
Sheriff Mike's in town.
No more pussyfooting around.
No more lollygagging.
Get to the movie games.
Live up to your title, Doug.
Love it or leave it.
It's whatever you want to do.
I don't care.
Thank you.
I appreciate having the ultimate control.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
I found out
just there, the trouble with the Bushimi game
is I thought that people would be worse
at it.
And that it would,
more people would be eliminated more quickly.
I did good.
You did great.
So I'm going to have to go back to the lab and work on that one some more. more people would be eliminated more quickly. I did good. You did great. Yeah.
So I'm going to have to go back to the lab and work on that one some more.
But I think if I had more loaded up, we could have played to a conclusion.
But since we didn't, let's just start with Mike again.
And then we'll go to Dave.
Then to me.
I play along on this one, Dave.
Okay.
I'm fine with whatever you want to do.
I'm not like some people.
I was just stating a fact,
not trying to talk you into it.
Dave, is it alright if I play along on this one?
I don't know. Let's ask that fucker Mike.
Mike, can I play?
Yeah.
Thank you, Mike.
You're welcome.
And then we'll go to Graham.
My wife?
My wife!
Yeah! Where is Stone Cold Freak My wife Yeah
Where is
Stone Cold Freak
Number one
Is that you over there
Now where do you get the nerve
To be the number one
Best Stone Cold Freak
In the world
AOL
What does AOL.
AOL.
What does AOL have to do with it?
It suggested it.
AOL told you
to call yourself
Stone Cold Freak One.
Long time ago.
So there was
a Stone Cold Freak.
Right.
And they were like,
how about...
But then one sounds to me like the
best one.
That sounds like that other guy is just like,
he's zero. He's
stone-cold zero.
Now this gentleman,
this stone-cold freak, there's some other people
that tweeted me, and apologies, but I think
he tweeted me the earliest on this.
He says he's got the perfect name for Last Man Stanton.
And just to review for people that might not know,
Last Man Stanton is a game where we get an actor, actress, or director
with a large body of credits of work,
and then we just knock them off one at a time,
naming movies that that person was involved in,
until there's a last man Stanton.
Okay.
What is your suggestion, Stone Cold Freak number one?
Sam Rockwell.
Sam Rockwell.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck indeed.
This is going to be interesting.
Very interesting.
I spent the last three days studying Jim Carrey.
Damn it!
He was in 19 films.
It's hard to prep for this show.
This isn't the SATs.
This is anything.
But we are sitting.
Anything can come flying at you.
So remember, audience members.
Audience members, don't yell out if you think of one.
And you will.
And it'll drive you crazy that we're not thinking of it
Starting with Mike
Name any movie with Sam Rockwell in it
He was in Charlie's Angels, wasn't he?
Jesus
Wasn't he the bad guy?
Yeah, he was in Charlie's Angels
I don't know why a guy in the audience
Has decided to be like the
Yes or no guy, but you're wrong out of the gate, so let's not continue to do that.
Just every time.
No.
Dave, what do you got?
He's a terrible lover.
I'm going to describe my movie.
No, you got to name the title of the movie.
Sam Rockwell. Right. Any Sam Rockwell movie. Okay. Look to describe my movie. No, you've got to name the title of the movie. Sam Rockwell. Right.
Any Sam Rockwell movie.
Okay. Look. Here we go.
The Chuck Barris
movie. If you
describe it like that,
then you're just reminding the other
contestants of that movie.
And we all know what it's called.
Right. So it's not smart play
on your part.
Yeah.
But also,
if that's the only one
that you think
you can think of,
it doesn't really matter
what you do at this point
because you're going
to be shitty at this
if all you've got
for that man's
entire body of work
is Chuck Beres movie.
I believe he was in Lambert Stamp.
Pretty sure.
Yeah, he played Lambert.
And nobody saw it, so fuck you people.
He was, isn't it?
He's like one of the talking head interviews.
He's like, man, the who, man.
When I was doing that Chuck Beres movie, that's all I watched and listened to was the who.
Was that a Sam Rockwell impression?
That was a great Sam Rockwell.
It sounded like him a little bit.
Maybe my brain just went there.
I believe I am out.
You are out.
Okay.
And I am saying Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.
Yeah.
I'd like to replay. Graham. Okay. And I am saying Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Yeah. I'd like to replay.
Graham.
Okay.
Matchstick Men.
Mm-hmm.
I'll hang out with you, Dave.
Come on, Mike.
Give me a second.
Be serious about this.
Is there a time limit?
Take it seriously.
Yes, you've got 22 minutes.
Okay.
That seems long.
Well, you think Graham is going to whistle. No. Everyone that just sat there and didn't clap
are my favorite people in the world.
Some people are just like,
nope, not going to get on this.
Not going to participate in this stupid charade.
Sorry. I love how you asked me to do it, and then, wow, what an asshole. not going to participate in this stupid charade. Sorry to anybody.
I love how you
asked me to do it
and then, wow,
what an asshole.
What a dick.
I didn't say that.
I said I like the people
that were not having it.
Sorry for anybody
that's coming to his show tomorrow.
You just ruined his closer
in front of you guys.
That's his...
I know.
That was my big close to his
He gets a suggestion
from the crowd
and then whistles.
Whatever. That'd be so great the crowd and then whistles. Whatever.
That'd be so great.
Andy Griffith every night.
A place you'd go on vacation.
Maui.
Okay.
I love how he just did like a shortened impression of himself doing the annoying whistling guy.
He like cleaned it up so he didn't have to endure it again.
I'm upset with myself because I don't fucking, I can't think of a single movie.
Oh, buddy.
I'm going to be mad when you say one.
But at least you tried.
You were under much duress.
Who can think during that whistling?
I was excited to say adaptation, but then he said matchstick man.
And I was like, oh yeah, that's what it was.
So I'm glad that I didn't even get to that because I was going to like enthusiastically say adaptation.
Oh yeah, it was a Nicolas Cage mix up that you had.
That's what it was.
The classical NCM switcheroo.
All right.
Fair enough.
All right.
So just me and Graham then.
Oh, boy.
For the next ten minutes.
And it's my...
Oh, no.
It's Graham's turn.
Oh, is it?
I think so.
Didn't Mike just fall out?
Yeah, Mike fell out.
Yeah, you're up.
Oh, you were already out.
That's right.
Oh, no, I'm back in.
Do you have another one?
Matchstick Man.
No.
Don't be a silly.
I'm going to go with Iron Man 2.
Ooh.
I will go with The Way Way Back.
How about...
Oh, shit.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Shit.
Galaxy Quest.
God damn it
You got him on the ropes buddy
Shit he's on the ropes
He's on the ropes
If only he could whistle to annoy himself
Shit I had that in Locked and Loaded Galaxy Quest
Oh yeah
You guys ever watch the show man?
That's so great.
He is great, and you're out.
No, sir.
What do you got?
I'll tell you in a second.
Okay.
Let's hear it.
Here comes a Graham Elwood special where he makes up a movie that stars Sam Rockwell and Leif Garrett.
We all remember that film, correctwell and Leif Garrett? We all remember
that film, correct?
Wasn't that amazing?
Skateboard Summer?
Wasn't that fucking great?
Sam Rockwell's
about 15 years old.
Leif Garrett was like
the older,
cool skateboarder
and he like skated in
and Sam Rockwell was like,
hey, how do you do that?
And he got on the thing.
You're not even gonna
luck into a right answer
on that.
Like Skateboard Summer
does not exist,
I guarantee it.
Look it up!
We can't look it up.
So you're out?
So you win.
No, no.
I'll say another one, too,
just to rub it in.
Shit.
I know.
And then everybody
in the audience has one
that they thought of.
I know.
Here's the thing.
Here's what I always do
in this game.
This is what always
messes me up.
I can see them
in, like, ten different films
and the title is just like...
Yeah, the words are like,
oh, I wish I knew words.
I'm only...
I'm a pictures guy.
That's what I am.
I'm all images.
I'm a visuals guy.
I'm a visual dude.
And it's hard not to picture Sam Rockwell
being the only actor in a movie called Moon.
Damn it.
What else you got, guys?
Wow.
I don't know what you're saying.
You're all just yelling at me.
I heard psychopaths, yes.
She's either choking
or there's a movie called Choke.
Right?
Was he in Napoleon Dynamite?
Napoleon Dynamite?
He wasn't in Napoleon Dynamite.
Stone him, stone him.
People keep saying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Which version was he in? People keep saying Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Which version was he in?
Oh, she is upset.
Holy shit.
Wow.
It's okay.
It's going to be okay.
I think she had a period donut.
Wait, what?
He was selling cigarettes in Shredder's Lair.
Was he really?
All right, that's nerdy that you know that, but But that's cool I sure wish I had sat in the audience
They're smart
Did you look up?
It was
Oh, right, yeah, yeah, that's a good one
Which one?
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Oh, yeah
Good actor, been in a lot of stuff
Yeah, that's what we were discussing
Ninja Turtles
Alright, settle down, you guys discussing, the Ninja Turtles.
All right, settle down, you guys.
I prefer the Ninja Turtles book.
Wow.
He's in Gentleman Broncos?
That's why she thought he was in Napoleon Dynamite, because it's the same filmmaker?
Wait, isn't he... He's also the bad guy
in that Jonah Hill babysitter film.
Oh, the sitter, yeah.
The sitter, yeah.
Man, he's been in a bunch of shit.
I love him, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he works.
Sure wish I'd seen his movies.
Steady employment, guys.
But it really helped.
So Graham gets to go first
in the Leonard Maltin game.
Yay!
to go first in the Leonard Maltin game. Yay!
I have a prediction that I'm not going to do very well.
I have a prediction that I'm going to do very well.
But I'm going to try for you people.
Because I love you.
Because I'm from Dallas, I live here, and you're my brethren.
You're my people.
Oh, wow.
Lone Star State, right, guys?
Come on now.
That's right. Come on now. Don't mess with Texas,one Star State, right, guys? Come on now. That's right.
Don't mess with Texas, am I right,
brothers and sisters?
Let's get racist. Who's with me?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, man. Too soon?
So you guys are just, the minute you guys
come close to losing, I know you guys are just
going to be like, uh, how about them cowboys?
And they're just like, whoo!
Oh, wow. All right.
Okay.
Sweet.
It didn't seem to work.
No, it didn't.
I'm going to try really hard.
I really am.
Good thing.
I'm from Missouri.
Hey.
Is that the slogan?
Hi.
That's on the license plate.
That's what our license plates say.
We're from Missouri.
Hey.
With a question mark. The Ys get progressively smaller. We're from Missouri. With a question mark. The lies get progressively smaller.
I'm from Missouri?
What?
Is this a guy doing this?
Are you telling me I'm from Missouri?
Show me.
Because it's the...
It's the show me state.
I got it.
I wish that was the game.
I would have gotten that.
One state model.
Oh, you're better at figuring out jokes?
Yeah.
Well.
Yeah.
Other people.
Let's play How Jokes Work.
No, let's play the Leonard Mullen game.
And in order to do this properly, I have to ask the management here at Hyena's if I could please have another beverage.
Tito's and soda for me.
Do you need anything, Mike?
No, thank you.
I have this water.
Oh, that's your water.
I thought that was Dave's water.
Well, I thought this was my cookie thing here, too.
But apparently we're sharing everything now.
Do you need anything, Dave?
I would like a glass of red wine.
Oh!
Someone's going to get even worse at playing the games.
How is that possible?
Yeah, wouldn't that be great if the red wine
turned it around for you?
It's like Peter Griffin playing the piano or whatever.
Or some other suggestion, example.
I don't know.
Something.
So we're, yeah, we might.
It's Doug Lowe's movies, not Doug Lowe's cartoons on Fox.
Show me state.
See?
Okay.
Sorry.
Sorry, everybody.
What are you doing, Graham?
Just making weird faces.
That's good for the podcast.
I know.
I love it.
I always give a couple of treats just for the studio audience that they and they alone get to enjoy.
Studio audience.
It's not a studio.
We're just sitting on chairs that they drug up from the bar.
And we have four microphones and they're all different
yes they're each special
in their own way
can you use a wireless mic
microphones
are like
they're like snowflakes
in what way
they're all different
and unique
and special
and Graham gets the one
where he can go
anywhere he wants
that's god damn right bitches
I'm gonna do some
table whistling
that's the worst titty bar ever God damn right, bitches. I'm going to do some table whistling.
That's the worst titty bar ever.
Graham, can we see it?
Can you go out into the bathroom and see if it still works?
You got it, pal.
Maybe go by the bar and get a fucking drink. I'm kind of hoping it doesn't still work.
Oh, it's going to work, Doug.
Everywhere I go, it works.
Do you think if you went next door and watched a movie,
you could talk us through it?
Yeah, I'll totally do that.
I'll go watch Lambert and Stamp
and find out who wins the big case.
Yep, just hanging out in the lobby.
Can you still hear me?
Yeah, we can still hear you,
but you can't hear us, idiot.
No, I can't hear you, but who cares?
I'm just going to talk a lot.
You know, sometimes when I work out, I drink a vegan smoothie after I work out, pour it directly into my biceps.
That is literally a glass of red wine.
Yeah.
You got what you asked for.
I love the wine glasses here.
Yeah.
It's like my mom had to dump out her milk
and clean it out to just give you some wine
it just looked like the grape jelly melted
they just kind of gave up cleaning
hey this urinal cake tastes weird
these crayons taste like candles
I love how he called it a urinal cake
you shouldn't know what either of those things taste like.
Like, the urinal aspect of the title would have given you a clue that it would taste funny.
Why are you looking at it?
Weird.
Because I love it.
Okay.
Yeah, that's what the wine drinkers do when they get a nice thick glass of wine,
is they hold it up to the light and just see all the delightful prisms of...
Yeah. They knockisms of... Yeah.
Knocking sideways.
Yeah.
Yeah, the Sam Rockwell movie.
Yes, we're back to movies.
This got a lovely bouquet.
Where's Graham at?
He left.
Just hanging out here in the audience, watching this guy drinking a hat, drink a goblet of beer like a wino that won a contest at an all-you-can-drink wine bar.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, get back up here.
Yeah.
Hello, everybody.
That's what I call magic, folks.
That is the wonderful world of illusion that happens every time we grace the stage.
Donut guy, how you doing?
Donut and Fosters.
That's right.
Donut and cake.
Donut and cake.
Call it what it is.
Come on now.
It ain't a real donut.
It's a Dallas cake donut.
We're going to wash it down with Fosters USA.
That's right.
Wait a minute.
It's Texas.
We correct people.
We do it different down here.
That's right. You know what. We do it different down here.
You know what goes good with wine? Donuts.
Right is white.
Who would yell that out? Why would anybody?
God, that donut guy is out of his mind.
Oh, racist donut guy.
Thanks for coming to the show.
Despite your racism.
Yeah.
There's some episodes where there's no donuts and no racism.
But he made sure we had both.
Right, right.
It's a lovely combo.
You can have this donut cake when you pry it from my cold dead hands, right. It's a lovely combo. You can have this donut cake when you pry it from my cold, dead hands, brother.
Try burning this donut, you son of a bitch.
Are you having fun, dude?
Yeah, I'm loving it.
I'm having a good time.
You really have a lot of voices.
I would like everybody to join me tomorrow.
We're having a donut burning down at the church.
There's a lot of evil donuts
that we just don't think that
the children should see or have access to.
So we're going to burn them.
All
my donuts live in
Texas.
My
Twinkies are in Tennessee.
It's a different state. Get it?
White donuts by morning.
I don't know.
Mike, when are you going to jump in and say, let's play a game about movies?
Yeah.
It's about time for a game.
Good idea, Mike.
Thanks for being there.
Donut?
Wait, no, I didn't word that right. Donut? Stop me Good idea, Mike. Thanks for being there. Donut? Wait, no, I didn't word that right.
I was trying to make...
Donut, stop me from playing this game.
There we go.
Graham Elwood gets to go first.
You got it, boss.
Pick a category between
One Fine Day,
the films of Rafe and Joseph Fiennes,
Liar Liar, Liar.
Films of Bill O'Reilly.
And by films of, I mean, you know, he played himself or plays with himself in a couple movies.
And this is a category I thought of.
I'm very proud of it child abusey
and it's movies featuring jake bucey
because he's a child abusey
i'll take childusey ladies and gentlemen
who doesn't want
Child Abusey
Graham is all for
Child Abusey
would you like
some Child Abusey
from 1996
or 2004
96
what a good year
three stars
from Leonard
for this movie
that's got Jake Busey in it
From 96
He says that this movie is a wild ride
He also says it's great fun
And he also says
This movie carries you along from one kinetic burst to another
And then he lists this movie carries you along from one kinetic burst to another.
And then he lists 11 names.
11 names.
The guy out there thinks you should bid nine.
Oh, you're thinking nine?
He's inside your brain.
Shit.
Do I go nine or do I go zero? Oh!
I would go nine.
Go nine.
Okay, cool. Yeah, we'll go nine.
He's saying nine. He's going to go nine.
So,
so,
he says nine names, Dave.
We're going to go to you next.
Oak.
Or should we go to Mike next?
Yeah, do Mike.
Okay.
What did he say?
Nine?
He said nine.
No, I said zero.
I said zero.
Oh, you're really going with zero.
I'm going with zero.
For sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zero names.
I thought it was so fun.
So did I.
You did the whole thing.
You were like, I'm just kidding.
And then you sat down.
And then we all looked at each other Like why would he do that
And but then
Because he knows it I guess
No I was serious
Yeah
So he says zero names Mike
So you gotta either
Go negative names
You just gotta
No
Go negative
I refuse
Ask him to name it
Hope he doesn't know
The right answer
Yeah
Go
Say it
He says name it
Starship Troopers
That's incorrect
What He's in Starship Troopers. That's incorrect. What?
He's in Starship Troopers.
It doesn't matter if he's in it.
He's been in a lot of movies.
This one was called Twister.
Oh, no.
So when did Starship Troopers come out?
What, 97?
God damn it.
You're not going to talk him
into that being the answer.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Wait, so when did that come?
See, that's what I meant.
Maybe if you whistled.
You just don't see that
on Jeopardy enough.
Alex, I was kind of right.
Yeah.
No, I just like knowing
for my own knowledge.
Edification.
I am so happy that I'm going to be second.
Damn it.
All that buildup.
Okay, nine names.
Nine names.
All right, here's your nine names.
My name.
Did he get it wrong already?
Yeah, okay, yeah.
No, you have a point, Mike Baldwin.
It's me?
I go?
All right, I still don't go.
I don't know what to do.
I'm going to buy you some HBO.
I'm going to buy HBO for you.
I'm going to get it.
But Dave gets to pick the next category.
God damn it.
And then we'll go back towards Mike again.
Okay.
Dave, would you like at Drew Robbs suggested...
What's going on over there, guys?
No tabs.
You all right, Graham?
Yeah, that was not mine.
Graham's drink got mixed up with some real drinks on somebody's table.
And he doesn't have alcohol in his.
So just everybody taste them until you find one that doesn't taste good.
And then pass that back to Graham, please.
He was doing some table whistling and one thing led to another.
That one, Jesus.
Or we could just get you a new one, Graham, but either way, let's...
Yeah, I'm done drinking the tail end of this other dude's Long Island iced tea.
Thanks, though.
Some people call that the business end.
Thanks, Brent.
Yeah, have that.
That's a fresh water.
Enjoy it.
All right, so Dave's picking a category.
Okay, that sounds good.
I can't wait to meet him.
I don't know.
Thank you, Seven.
Yeah, back at you.
Give me a ride home.
Job.
Oh, now Graham is spitting out
his water. I think this one had
roofie in it.
Alright, so
can we play now? Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Job at the Hut.
That's a movie that has a pizza
delivery person.
I'll take that one.
I like pizza. You gotta hear the other two categories
Okay
You and your rules
Red Light Challenge
That's the movie that has a chase scene
That has a cab involved in it
I'll take that one
You gotta hear all the options
Okay, I didn't hear you the first time
Or the other Jeff Tate
And that's movies that have
Queensryche on the soundtrack.
Sorry.
It's okay.
The lead singer of Queensryche is named Jeff Tate.
I didn't know that.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
He gets mixed up with the frequent guest on this show, Jeff Tate.
Oh, they have the same name.
Mm-hmm.
Is it spelled the same?
I think so, yeah.
It's not...
Is it G-E-O-F-F?
Oh, that's the cough.
G-E-O-F-F. G-E-O-F-F? Oh, that's the cough. G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
G-E-O-F-F.
Yeah.
I know.
Mm-hmm.
What else do you want to talk about?
Pick one of the categories.
Pizza guy?
The first one?
Okay.
Would you like a movie that's got a pizza delivery person in it from 1982 or 1989?
No.
No. No.
Neither one.
Different year.
No.
No.
No.
That's like if Sophie just left both of her kids.
No.
I don't need to choose.
No.
They can hang out together.
Let's just move on to Mike.
82. All right. That's just move on to Mike. 82.
That's my wheelhouse because I was in my 30s.
Okay.
I was born in 81.
You can go fuck yourself.
Three.
And get born again.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie.
I agree.
He calls it brashly entertaining.
He also says that it was later a TV series.
And he also says that it was based on a book.
And he lists 12 people, I think.
I'm not a reader.
12 people. So 1982 had a'm not a reader. 12 people.
So 1982 had a pizza delivery guy in it.
Okay.
At some point in the whole movie.
Pizza was delivered.
This is my question, Mike.
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to get.
During the film, pizza was delivered.
How many names can you get it in?
Sorry about my math.
I can start at 12.
Dave, you can take all 12.
What should I do, racist dude?
You can take it all.
Don't ask that guy.
Nine.
You're going with the nine?
Nine.
He's going with the nine.
Nine.
Okay, stop yelling at me like an angry German.
I just like numbers.
Mike?
I will say eight.
He says eight, Graham.
Graham's out, isn't he?
No.
Out. What happened to... What kind of weird... eight. He says eight, Graham. Graham's out, isn't he? No. Out?
What happened to... What kind of weird...
What did he say before that was wrong?
I had to be out earlier. He whistle danced.
You don't get to play anymore after that.
That's the worst Kevin Bacon movie
ever. You need to listen
to more episodes. Kevin Bacon is
whistle dancer. Whistle dancing is very
popular. It's eight to me.
I will go
zero.
Oh!
Ooh,
I like how he did the bottle, too.
And I don't know if this is
the Long Island iced tea talking,
but I think I got this bitch.
Hope this guy doesn't have
mouth Ebola.
Hey, do you remember
what happened last time you did zero?
I go all in, motherfucker.
This is like, isn't this the go big state or the go home state?
What the fuck?
I think it's the go home state.
Also, strategically, it wouldn't necessarily hurt him for you to get a point instead of Mike,
because Mike is on the verge of winning because he already has one.
No shit.
So, yeah.
Graham's playing this right, I think.
A whole fucking thing.
I'm going to go with you then, Doug,
because you've done this before.
I have a few times.
You're my favorite.
It's the wine talking.
Do you want to go negative names
or do you want to challenge Graham
and hope that he says Starship Troopers again?
Graham, I challenge you to say Starship Troopers again. Guys, I challenge you to say Starship Troopers again.
What's it called, Graham?
Fast Times at Ridgemont High?
That's correct.
Ba-boom!
Drop the water.
Oh, my.
A lot of cultures
that mean something.
Nice.
Oh, dude.
How about ours?
There's one by my chair,
if you want.
Yeah, the late, great
Taylor Negron comes in
and Pizza Guy, Mr. Pizza Guy.
Yeah, Mr. Hand.
Isn't it our time?
Listen to some history, enjoying some food.
I like that movie.
Great stuff.
Yeah, that's classic.
Never saw it.
It's hard to watch movies when you ain't been born.
But they're always HBO.
They got to set up a screen in the womb.
But I don't want to go watch it now
because it'll be all 80s and shit.
What's the matter with that?
You're gonna be like, it's so good.
And I'm like, no, it's not.
I don't talk like that.
It holds up, I think.
I think Fast Times holds up, I dare say.
Really?
All right.
Maybe I'll check it out.
And it's fun just to see all the young, you know,
Nicolas Cage's tits.
Yep.
No. See, now I know that Cage's tits. Yep. No.
See, now I know
that that's going to happen.
I don't even fucking
need to see it now.
I don't think it is, though.
I think it's Eric Stoltz
and Anthony Edwards
and Sean Penn.
You don't see
Nicolas Cage's tits.
And the guy that plays
DeMone.
And Judge Reinhold.
Yeah, Judge Reinhold.
Yeah, Judge Reinhold
jerks off to
Nicolas Cage's tits.
Yeah.
My favorite part.
At the pool.
When he's at the pool.
All right.
Then he gets a whistle dance.
It's fun.
Dave, you get to pick a category again.
I can't wait.
I don't know why you get such responsibility all the time.
I don't mind.
I'm an adult.
Wait, who challenged Graham that last time?
I did.
Oh, you did.
Okay, so Mike gets to go first.
Mike, hey, Mike. Mike
gets to go first, and then we'll go to Dave.
And Mike gets to choose between
Puff, Puff, Pass.
That's Emily Blunt
movies that
Leonard gave two stars or less.
He
gave a puff and a puff, and then he decided
to pass. The sagging baggins category
Apollo 86
And it's movies where Carl Weathers dies
And go bananas
Go bananas
And that's movies with apes in the title
But Mike
Keep in mind that
Apes is in the middle of a bunch of shit.
I'll give you an example.
Okay.
The Grand Budapest Hotel has apes in the title.
Yeah.
No.
A little trickier than you think.
Which one of those would you like to play?
Emily Blunt?
Carl Weathers dies. I'm going Carl Weathers dies. All right. Which one of those would you like to play? Emily Blunt?
Carl Weathers dies?
I'm going Carl Weathers dies.
Yeah!
And the way to get it back?
The year is 1987, and half of the dudes in this room already know the answer.
Three stars from Leonard.
He says about this movie that it was solid and suspenseful.
It's slow to get started, but emerges as a grabber.
And then he lists ten names.
Oh, he wants to say it right now.
I can sense it.
Right, Mike?
He lists ten names.
So if you think you know it, that's when you can go zero.
Or you can go negative names. So if you think you know it, that's when you can go zero. Or you can go negative names.
Depending on how many people in the cast you think you can name
from the top down.
You were only four years old.
No, that's
your wrong at math.
Okay, alright.
That's a valid point. Math isn't your jam.
I'll do
zero. He'll do zero.
He says zero names.
Dave...
What should I do, Doug?
Well, you could challenge him.
Or if you think you know what the movie is,
do you have any idea?
Kind of, but not really.
That's not a powerful position to be in right now.
So you've got to hope that he's going to get it wrong.
But if he gets it right, he'll win the whole thing.
He'll get two points.
Let me ask you this.
Whether I win or lose, do I still get more wine?
You know what?
I will make sure that you get at least one more glass of free wine here tonight at Hyena's.
Then I don't give a shit.
And Mike,
name that fucking movie,
you piece of shit. What's it called, Mike?
Can you read the... No!
You can't read the clues?
I can, yeah, but this is interesting
that you still think you need to hear the clues again.
Now I'm second-guessing myself,
because I can only think of two movies in the world
where Carl Weathers dies, and it's a toss up between those two.
All right.
Let me give you the clues again.
Yeah.
What a dilemma.
Three stars from Leonard out of a possible four.
Okay.
Yeah.
He said that this movie was solid and suspenseful.
And suspenseful.
That describes both.
Takes some time to get started, but emerges a grabber.
What's the name of it, Mike?
Predator.
That's correct.
There's the other one, though.
Because it's either that or Rocky IV, right?
You wanted to go Rocky IV, didn't you?
I feel like Rocky IV didn't start slow and then become a grabber.
Yeah, there's no suspense in Rocky IV.
You're just like, what the fuck are they doing in the jungle, dude?
And then you're like, oh, now I'm grabbed.
Yeah, you're not watching any Rocky movie going, I don't know, is he going to do well in the fight?
Maybe he'll get knocked out in the first round.
What's he smell like?
Rocky has lost, didn't he?
He lost once.
He lost in the first Rocky movie.
Yeah, but you had to.
The first one he lost by decision, but he went all the way.
Went all the way.
But then the second one, did he win again?
Second one he wins.
Three, he loses to Clubber Lang in the early movie, but then comes back.
And that's when Apollo Creed goes, the way to get it back. And they train and they run in a pool and shit like that. Yeah, they get Lang in the early movie but then comes back and that's when Apollo Creed goes
the way to get it back
and they train
and they run in a pool
and shit like that.
Yeah, they get by the tiger.
They teach him how to dance and stuff.
Then he beats him
at the end of that four.
He beats Drago.
Drago kills Apollo Creed
in the beginning of the movie
and then he goes...
Played by Carl Weathers.
Yes.
Yes.
And then...
And then...
So then Rocky fights Drago
and he kills Brigitte Nielsen. Yeah. Emotionally. Yes. And then, so then Rocky fights Drago, and he kills Brigitte Nielsen.
Yeah.
Emotionally.
Yeah.
He cripples her emotionally.
Yeah.
And then...
And then she has to do...
And then part five is Rocky V has his son is a street fighter, and nobody gives a shit.
Yeah.
And Tommy Morrison.
Is a street fighter and nobody gives a shit.
Yeah.
And Tommy Morrison.
And then Dave wants his wine so bad.
If he leaves the stage, he can't get a free wine anymore.
No, I was just to the end. So he has to get it while the show's still going.
Yeah, because everyone just passed.
So he's desperate for his free glass of wine.
Come on, empty out another jar of jam.
Throw some Boone's Farm into it.
Yeah, I wish.
And get it out here
for our...
I don't know how much you care,
but literally a bolt
just fell out of the stool
that you're sitting on.
You know what?
I'm just saying,
whatever.
Let's play the game.
I don't care.
What game is this?
The game is over.
Does Rocky Graham impart Rocky Balboa?
There's the wine.
Oh, thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
She brought it over like, who is this for?
Rocky Balboa, he does lose, but he goes the distance because he's 90 years old.
And that's like, holy shit.
And it's like a nice bookend of the first movie that he goes the distance, but he's still a loser.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Loser.
Adrian is dead.
Where's that new lady?
Oh, yeah.
He's at the end of the fight.
He's just tagged around the ring going, new lady.
New lady.
Lady.
Hey, lady.
I'm here, Rocky.
Oh, wow.
She sounds sexy
Sexy as shit
Oh my god
I wonder if she whistles
Gentlemen
Start your boners
Already done
Alright
Mike is our winner
Who are you playing for Mike?
Congratulations Mike
I'm for
Wet hot Eric Summer
Where's wet hot Eric?
Come get your prizes
He's over here somewhere
He's that character Eric? Come get your prizes. He's over here somewhere. He's that character.
Eric's walking towards the stage.
He's a chef.
He's wearing black glasses.
He has a brown-looking hat on.
He's got a shirt that probably fit him a little better
six months ago.
Congratulations.
You can iron that.
You can iron your shirt.
There you go.
You don't need to iron it.
Fuck irons.
Right in America.
Texas, fuck irons.
If he had ironed that shirt earlier this evening and then sat in a chair all night, it would look like that.
It could have been perfectly ironed earlier.
It's fine.
I'm an asshole.
Don't give him a hard time.
I'm an asshole.
I'm sorry.
Way to go, pal.
No, you should have given him the better advice, which is switch to t-shirts.
Yeah, t-shirts.
Yeah, we're all unwrinkled up here
with our fucking T-shirts on.
You can get 10 of them
for like $50
on a website somewhere.
Let me see your
shithead there, Graham,
and remind us
of when the
L.A. Podcast Festival is.
The Podcast Festival
is September 18th
through the 20th,
so go to
lapodfest.com.
Also, I'll be headlining
the Comedy Corner Underground
in Minneapolis, Minnesota
June 19 and 20, so check that out. And I'll be in the the Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis, Minnesota, June 19 and 20.
So check that out.
And I'll be in the lobby here tonight.
I got the books and some Whistling Bane shirts, and I'll autograph your babies.
I didn't know we were doing that.
Yeah, get your babies signed in the lobby.
I got Ninjas Hate Crunchy Leaf shirts, if anybody wants to go on.
You do?
Oh, that's awesome.
That's a great shirt.
Yeah.
I'll wear the shit out of that.
Pick those up in the lobby.
Where else can people check you out, Mike Baldwin?
My name is Mike Baldwin.
Just Google me.
If you go to MikeBaldwin.com, it's a different guy.
What's your name again, Mike Baldwin?
It's just Mike Baldwin.
Mike Baldwin, everybody.
It's like Alec Baldwin, only it's Mike.
Okay.
All right.
That's how I remember.
Mike Baldwin.
I'm Mike Baldwin.
That's how you remember your own name.
I love it.
It's a good system, man.
Got to finally say goodbye to Sagan Baggins because the Apollo 86 category is dead.
Yeah, maybe Sagan Baggins will come back with something else.
What about you, Dave Little?
Where can we see you?
Where can we catch you on the internet, on Twitter, whatnot?
I'm going to be at CVS later.
It's a good gig, guys.
Getting some ammonia.
You're going to be in the ointments aisle?
Ointments, probably.
I'm on Twitter.
I'm Dave Little.
Letter I, the letter M, Dave Little.
Okay.
Also, lovedavelittle.com is my website.
Be the fourth person to visit.
Oh, what will they win?
I don't know. Just the honor of being the fourth person. Yeah. I mean what will they win? I don't know.
Just the honor
of being the fourth person?
Yeah, I mean,
I've had it up since 1997.
Oh.
Thanks to Viagra.
Who hasn't?
I don't know.
Thank you guys for being here.
I'm going to be at
the Limestone Comedy Festival
in Bloomington, Indiana
June 5 through 6.
And we're going to do
stand-up, we're going to do Douglas movies. And we're going to do stand-up.
We're going to do Douglas movies.
And we're going to do a Benson movie interruption of Hoosiers, which is a pretty good, serious movie.
So it's going to be weird to be making jokes.
The movie's awesome.
Yeah, it's really good.
So it's going to be funky.
But we're going to give it a try and see what happens.
We did Breaking Away last year, or two years ago, and that was super fun.
So we're trying Hoosiers
this time.
One more time
for all of these guys.
Thank you, Dallas.
Graham Elwood.
Graham Elwood.
Available in the lobby.
I hope everybody had fun.
Thank you.
Mike Baldwin
and Dave Little.
Where's your name tag?
I've got to get
the shithead off the back.
Thank you, Dave.
Thanks, guys. Thanks, Mike. I gotta get the shithead off the back Thank you Dave Thanks guys
Thanks Mike
We don't have to do a formal handshake or anything
You can just leave
I need some time alone you guys
I need some quiet time
Thanks for coming out
Thanks for doing what I assume
You're gonna do later this evening
which is watching
David Letterman's
final show
I know he was a big
influence to me
and lots of the comics
that appear on
Doug Lowe's movies
and all of your
favorite podcasts
and I'm going to
miss him
but as always
I don't know which one
I agree with
maybe neither
Hulu buying Seinfeld
is a shithead
I don't really have an opinion about that one way or the other
and the away goals rule
is a shithead
three or four guys agree with me on that.
Hit the theme song.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Because Doug loves movies.