Doug Loves Movies - Graham Elwood Vs. St. Louis
Episode Date: May 5, 2013Graham Elwood takes on audience members at the Firebird in St. Louis, and also plays a lighting round of Bane or Lincoln.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy... Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug Loves Movies! Last night I did two insanely fun and delicious shows at the Firebird in St. Louis.
The deliciousness was provided by the Gorilla, G-U-E-R-I-L-L-A, street food truck that was parked outside the club all night long.
And I'm going to have to go back to St. Louis and do a road app of Dining with Doug and Karen with those guys because their food is delicious. I recommend highly as I do
everything. Everything I recommend is highly, but I recommend the
Flying Pig. Thanks also to Raj Desai
and Anthony Jeselnik for doing sets in the late show. They were in town
doing a show earlier in the evening, so they came by and that was a nice surprise
for everyone.
And we played the Leonard Moulton game with audience members after both shows.
Plus, in one of them,
we did a speed round
of Bane or Lincoln
with Dark Knight Rises superfan
Graham, the Bane of my existence, Elwood.
And I will play the subpar
audio from those shows.
I think the second one
sounds better than the first one, I think.
But they're both...
It's kind of hard to make stuff out sometimes.
But I will play it for you anyway at the end of this mini.
Oh, and from the corrections department,
the character of Bane has been in another movie.
It was Batman and Robin.
But the less said about that film, the better.
I can't believe I just called that a film.
Now it's time for Doug's Plugs.
Burbank, California. We're taping
at Doug Lo's Movies this Thursday, May
9th at Flapper's Comedy Club. It's a
90-minute ep with three or more
special, I'm talking
special guests. These are all people
who are currently featured in
basic cable television
television
shows.
Schedules permitting, of course.
Boise, Idaho, Saturday, May 10th,
I'll be bringing the great whistler,
I mean the grating whistler, Graham Elwood,
to the knitting factory, so bring your name tags.
And the same goes for you, Denver.
We'll be at the Comedy Works at 420 on Mother's Day.
Yay!
Stoners, blow off your moms and come on down.
Or bring them. I don't give a shit.
I'll talk dirty in front of your mom.
Here's last night's shows in St. Louis.
Love you guys. Love the Firebird.
Hope everybody's having a great Cinco de Mayo.
Did I say Mayo? I meant Hio.
Shut up, Graham.
It's time to play the Leonard Mullen game.
Yeah!
I mean, don't shut up the whole time.
You need to play.
I just meant right then.
Do we have some name tags in the crowd?
Oh, shit!
She's arriving
for the Los Angeles Podcast Festival!
There's some good ones!
Oh my god!
This is amazing!
It's Apocalypse Now, but your name is Caleb, so it's...
It's my face!
Caleb's in style!
And it's his face, it's Colonel Kurtz!
Love it!
I like it a lot!
Are those gluten free when you're holding?
Nope.
Dig V codes down.
V codes down.
I love when people light up their sign with their phone.
That's smart.
You have to.
Pretty genius.
This guy just wrote fucking pizza on her name on her phone.
Weed candy pizza.
Wow.
You know, you turn the background when they take a picture of Paulette talking.
Nice. I think that's a good choice. I don't know why Graham turn the button. This is the guy with the big picture of Paulette Tompkins. Nice. And the rest, I think it's his choice.
I don't know why Graham would pick that.
Dejan Joe.
There's another Rachel over there.
Tie Fighter.
Tie Fighter.
Your name's Fighter?
Graham, I challenge you.
Also, my name is Jim.
Whoa.
That's an impressive sign.
That is an impressive sign. That is an impressive sign.
Wait, you get two? Nice.
Who do you want to play, Graham? Who do you want to play against?
These are amazing.
Someone has a box of granola.
It's got blue in it, though. Granola's got blue in it.
Alright, I'm gonna go with Graham. I challenge you all, so my name is Jim, alright?
Graham helped it.
The CC is really fired up today.
You guys did a great job with the name tags, by the way.
You're amazing.
Welcome, Jim.
How you doing?
Always got Dark Knight Rises.
Outstanding shirt choice, my friend.
Hold up your name tag the entire time and take your pants off.
Do you think you're gonna control this game?
I think there's a good chance.
Do you feel it'll control?
That was such an awesome set.
I'm gonna do it myself.
I wonder what will break first.
I wonder what will break first? Oh!
Could you just say, I wonder what's gonna break first?
Yeah, I wonder if I call it breaking.
Here's what you're playing for, Jim.
I was Lincoln. I was doing Lincoln. I was absolutely Lincoln.
Yeah, there's Lincoln. President, make a big assertion.
Here's what you're playing for, Jim. And if you lose, we'll get somebody else up here
until we have a winner or until time runs out,
which is eight minutes from now.
You can win a $10 iTunes gift card,
which you can use to buy premium episodes
of those movies, comedy film nerds,
and Benson Interruption.
You already own them all?
Yeah.
Well, buy something else with it, that's cool.
Also in the prize bag,
a red cup.
Nothing says
party like a red cup, so
I thought you should have one.
Party, party, party, red cup.
If you drive with one and hold it up the whole time,
you'll definitely get pulled over.
So just be completely sober and just holding up a red coat.
Get pulled over and have a laugh.
And a copy of Smug Life, of course.
And Graham, what are you going to do?
I'll do a copy of my CD, the Full Straight Dance Party.
All right, yeah, so just see us over at the good old merch table after the show.
If you win, Jim.
If you win.
Yeah.
Now is not the time
for fear.
That was Bruce Wayne.
Yes.
Now is not the time
for fear.
I was trying to do the old Batman, it was terrible.
Whose Batman was that?
That was supposed to be Adam West.
There was more Nicolas Cage and Kid-Ass in there.
I hope there's a flashback in Kid-Ass 2 and they get cages in it. They got it.
I hope so.
He's going to talk to her.
You know, I hope they do something where he disappears like Obi-Wan and talks to her like when she's sleeping.
You know?
I was thinking more like training flashbacks, but that would be good.
No, no, no.
That's great.
You know how to play, right, Jim?
Yeah.
All right.
Audience members, do not yell out if you think you have an answer to one of these.
Boo!
Boo!
Boo!
Boo!
No yelling out.
We like ruining things.
It's my favorite.
Would you like Beverly Hills Flop?
That's movies where Eddie Murphy starred, but Leonard Maltin gave it two stars or less.
A lot less?
Yeah, most of his movies.
A lot less.
And, um, can't help you out, it's not 48 Hours or Beverly Hills Cop.
The first two out of the gate were pretty good.
Okay. Any of the others. Or would you like the Hurt Focker?
And that's movies where
Ben Stiller
gets injured.
I don't
quite get it.
I don't
understand
what you
mean.
Or In
Theaters Now,
which of
course is
movies that
are in
theaters now,
which is,
a lot of
people like to
pick it,
but Graham
sees all
movies that
are in
theaters now,
so he's
good at it.
Hurt Focker. Yes! Hurt Focker! Some people like to pick him, but Graham sees all movies that are in theaters now, so he's good at it.
We choose you over Kurt Falker.
Yes!
Kurt Falker!
Or Ben Stiller is hurt.
Yeah, Ben Stiller is injured in this film.
Please, I know some people have had some drinks here tonight.
So just don't yell out if you think you know him.
Just whisper to the person next to you and feel so proud of yourself.
1998.
Two stars from Leonard for this movie that he says that...
Wow.
He says the extended version runs 130 minutes.
Yeah, that's a terrible clue. Wow. He says the extended version runs 130 minutes.
Yeah, that's a terrible clue.
And he also says that it is, that the movie drags on.
So he complains it drags on and then says there's an even longer version.
And, of course, Ben Stiller gets injured. And there are about ten names are listed in the cast of this movie.
How many do you think you can get it in, Jim?
Let's start with ten.
Well, not as cocky as a sniper.
I will go with seven.
I can do it in five.
Oh, Jim.
Graham's thinking about it.
Name that movie, Jim.
How many names does he have?
Five.
Oh, he's going to name it.
Yeah, he is.
I saw his eyes.
I know what it is. He's going to name it. I saw it. Oh, shit. going to name it. Yeah, he is. I know what it is.
He's going to name it.
I saw it.
Oh, shit.
All right, four.
Okay, in that case, you should say name it, and then Graham won't get it.
I'll give them the five names.
They are Jonathan Richman, Keith David, Marky Post,
Jeffrey Tambor,
and, oh wait, five?
And Lynn Shea.
Lynn Shea. From 1998,
Ben Stiller gets injured,
and it is called, give him the mic,
Graham. What's it called,
Jim?
Don't say Gremlins 2 in the audience.
No, we only have any other title.
Or Gremlins 1.
Jim!
Jim, I say Gremlins 2.
Three, two, name a best-seller movie.
Any best-seller movie.
Any best-seller movie.
Ceylander.
Any Ben Stiller movie? Any Ben Stiller movie?
Slander.
Would it help you at all if I said that he gets his dick caught in his zipper?
There's something about him that only sent the fuck down to you!
Send the fuck down!
Take your fucking talent and shut the fuck up!
You fucking ass!
You fucking piece Italian shit! Shut the fuck up, you fucking ass! You fucking piece of shit!
I'm St. Louis' referee!
But, but, stay all seriousness.
I'm all seriousness, thanks Jim. Thank you, Jim.
You now have my permission to come in.
Uh, let's pick somebody else, Graham.
He's here in eight days! Let's pick somebody else, Graham. Graham, over there.
You can't even name tags!
Stop driving!
Rachel.
Rachel.
Ladies and gentlemen, Rachel.
Why don't you just jump up there, Cal?
Yeah, I like that.
You really should have two shirts.
That's an awesome...
What is this called?
Great Star Wars day.
Yeah, it's Calvin and Hobbes on a TIE fighter, right?
Or something?
Those aren't the droids you're looking for.
No, they're not.
And what's your name, Rachel?
Thank you, Rachel.
She's got a Bane.
Fucking rat. Oh, it's got a bang. Fucking rad.
Oh, it's a Lego version of Bang.
On a piece of paper.
I have to figure you, too.
Every day, what's that shine on?
To recognize your own family.
Now this riffing is made
of this vain fucking shit.
All right.
Here's your options, Rachel.
Hold my finger, would you like?
Take control of your city.
Take control, St. Louis.
And that's movies
where there's a mayoral race.
Or are we there yet? That's movies that there's a mayoral race or are we there yet
that's movies that take place in Russia
or Jeopardy
and that's movies where there's a question mark
in the title
question mark in the title
or Russian movies
for a mayoral race
Which one would you like to play?
Jeopardy
She is selected Jeopardy
Let me ask you one quick question
Would you pick
The Jeopardy category
You know if you had it to do all over again
Would you pick it if you knew
That the movie was from 1972?
All right, pick another category.
Oh, bullshit!
Bullshit!
Russia or mayoral race?
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race action. Now I've got Race. Race. Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race.
Race. Race. Race. Race. Race. three stars from Leonard. He says this movie is about a teenager,
and he also says that it was followed by
two sequels and an animated TV series.
Sequel!
Why are you yelling out answers?
Why would you do that?
Why would you even think that that would please me in any way?
And there are 12 names.
Like, right now we're thinking about whether or not we would do an actual Doug Loves Movies here,
and the answer is no, because there's people that will show up and yell out answers.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Let's murder those people.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Let's murder those people.
Probably just came to see a comedy show. This game show element surprised them. And they thought, well, I'll ruin it.
They're zombies. They live in that goddamn abandoned fucking herding garage.
They've been eating pigeons.
And now they're coming here and they can't handle birds.
Twelve names.
Rachel? Twelve.
Good opening bid. Wow. Out of the gym
handbook of aggression.
I will say nine.
Seven.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Two.
1985.
And let me just say, which is ten years before you were born.
She said five names?
She said five names.
Okay.
I'm excited.
Great poker face.
He wants to watch you name it.
And before you do that, I'm going to say that we've run out of time.
So no matter what happens, you're going to win the prizes.
Everybody wins, except Jim.
Give Jim something.
Okay, here's the deal, Jim.
If she...
She gets it wrong and you can get it right,
I'll give you my...
In negative two.
In negative two.
You'll give up two CDs tonight.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Not both to Jim. One for give up two CDs tonight. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Not supposed to, Jim.
One for Rachel and one for Jim.
I have confidence in you, though, Rachel.
Because the names are Jason Hervey, Billy Zane, Casey Somasco, James Tolkien, and Thomas F. Wilson.
The movie has a mayoral race in it.
And it's from 1985, and it's called...
Come on, Rachel.
You can do it, Rachel.
Come on, Rachel.
That's right!
Awesome!
Great!
Jim, what order would you have gone on negative two?
K-Tox, Good for Lord.
That's correct. But, you know, she got it, so he doesn't get shit. Jim, what order would you have gone on negative two? K-Talk's Christmas for Lorde.
That's correct.
But, you know, she got it, so he doesn't get shit.
He doesn't get anything. But thank you, Jim.
Maybe you should take a picture with Rachel holding it.
Yeah, oh, that's a good idea. That's a great idea.
Here's, take your prize bag. Thank you so much, Rachel, for playing.
Rachel, you've done it!
Yeah.
The fact that Thomas F. Wilson is so lowly-billed on that
was a good, that helped her out a lot, I'm sure.
Because those other names
probably wouldn't have given it away.
Anyway, thanks a lot, you guys.
One more time for Brandon Lewis.
Thanks, man.
I successfully recorded that, but man, yelling out Teen Wolf was really shitty, because that's a pretty good clue.
Do you yell Teen Wolf all the time?
Is that like your go-to?
Because like, when I'm in a situation, I usually yell out, True Grit!
That's my go-to yell out.
Are you guys ready for some Leonard Maltine game?
Let's see what's in the bag.
Here, Graham, can you just pull these out of the bag and I'll describe them as you whip them out of the hotel laundry bag.
There's a t-shirt from our friends and the food truck
is outside. Gorilla Street Food. Yeah. Gorilla G-U-E-N. You know the rest of it. But no,
not G-O-R-I-L-L-A. I thought we were going to be eating Gorilla. And I was disappointed
that the food was so good I was back again. And there's another one. There's two of them. I think there's two different sizes.
There's logos too. Oh, okay, great. So there's, and Grandma and I each got one, so thank you to them.
And thank you to them for being out there tonight and providing some delicious treats.
Awesome! All of that! From the audience member from the last, those are grapevines, from the, uh, an audience member in the last show gave me.
Knows that I like grapevines, gave me a big bag of them, and just looking at this big a bag of them is making me sick.
So I was like, let's just give them away.
Oh, and a, uh, two tickets to see, this is also courtesy of Gorilla Street Food, uh, this is, uh, to see Iron Man 3 tomorrow night here in St. Louis at 7 o'clock. It doesn't
say the name of the movie. It's called The Rule of Fear. That's what I saw today. It's
fucking awesome. Yeah, there you go. So you get the winner for Better Not Have Plans tomorrow
night. And then there's an iTunes gift card for $10. You can get a premium episode of
the closed movies and comedy film nerds and Best Interruption, and my CD, Smug Life, which very soon I'll be giving away the next one.
Yeah, oh, and I'll throw in a copy of my CD.
Palmstrike Dance Party.
Palmstrike Dance Party!
Dance Party Palmstrike!
Bring your name tags in the audience!
Let's see them!
Yay!
Wow! What? You have a
toy? Fireworks!
Oh Jesus! Oh my god, that guy's
flying out fireworks, man!
Fireworks! Set it on fire!
But if he also has
porn, would you let him up here? Sure!
Whack it off!
Whack it off!
What is that crazy drawing
on a stick?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby what?
Ice cream.
Ice cream?
And your name is Bill?
Or ice cream?
Jason.
What's his name?
Jason.
Jason?
What the fuck does that have to do with Bill Cosby?
My whole thing is confusing.
This seems more thematically accurate.
What is that one?
Mona.
Can you make it up?
Mona Dina Smile. Oh, your name's Dina and you changed Lisa to Dina. This seems more thematically accurate. What is that one? Can you make it up?
Mona Dina Smile.
Oh, your name's Dina and you changed Lisa to Dina. Good job.
I'm an art historian.
You're an art historian?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
I don't know why you're throwing your profession in there.
I don't know what to say to you, but...
I'm a PhD.
So...
I've smarted everyone here, by the way.
I was Magna Cum Laude. That has nothing to do with the Rockbust movies, but you're out.
I don't care how loudly you cum.
God damn it.
No, no, Wilson. Where am I?
What's happening?
All right.
All right.
You, the L.A. Podcast Festival banner, you come on up here.
Give everybody a round of applause.
This is a chance to promote the L.A. Podcast Festival banner. You can go on up here. Give everybody a round of applause. This is a chance to plug the LA Podcast Festival.
But you've got to bring your badge with you.
I can't wait to have you.
We need you to have that.
Are you going to stand on your knees the whole time?
That's not making me uncomfortable.
It's more exciting.
Did you get a little deezer in?
What? I got a little bit of a load of Deezeram? What? Her breasts?
Yeah.
What? That's weird.
Yeah, I mean, she like walked down the aisle and was like,
and did you pick something up? Or why did you lean forward like that?
They're heavy!
Yeah.
Yeah, and they're out of control.
Yeah, it's very distracting.
Hey, Bram, get a load of these!
Oh, did you see the balls on that guy?
He's got nice balls.
I stopped walking. He was like, let's go, we're having...
Please, more funny walks for the podcast.
Hey, can you guys hear this?
I'm recording this.
What's your name?
Susan.
Susan, name tag?
Susan, are you guys...
Does it say Susan on here?
No.
No.
The people in this thing at home,
y'all just whipped his dick out.
That's what...
She didn't write her name on it.
Susan.
She said she didn't.
That's why she's like that.
Okay, so Susan, you're familiar with how to play the Leonard Long game.
Yes, I am.
And you had a good time at the LA Podcast Festival, I take it?
Yes.
Are you going to come back this October 4th through the 6th?
Get this available at lapodcast.com.
Yes, I am.
Yay!
Are you going to bring this guy's balls?
Yes, I am.
But she's like, wow, she's like, I'm in her boots.
Let me tell you, in both cases, put them in the check bag, not the carrier.
Learned it the hard way.
You don't want to check them all, Ben.
I'm going to say that right now.
There's an extra 30 bucks you don't want to spend.
All right, you get to pick a category, and this is just between Susan and Graham,
so audience members, please don't attempt to participate
in any allowed things like Teen Wolf
like they did in the last show.
Please do not go out.
The Phantom Dennis.
That's movies where Dennis Leary is heard but not seen.
Dolphin Lundgren. That's movies with a dolphin, Dolph Lundgren
that's movies with a dolphin
Dolph Lundgren or both
or
I want to give you
at least one category
that's not totally obnoxious
but they're all pretty bad
this one's the worst one of them all
A Bug's Life and that's movies that have Slee in them. For Red Hot Chili Peppers. He's been in some movies.
The first one, that was too long ago for me to remember.
No, it was Phantom Dennis.
Dennis Lurie is heard but not seen.
Phantom Dennis.
Okay.
That's the one from my day.
Phantom Dennis was selected by Susan.
Ladies and gentlemen, Phantom Dennis.
Okay, this is from...
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it.
I don't know if you've seen it. I don't know if you've seen it. I don't know if you've seen it. I don't know if you've seen it. I don't is heard but not seen. Phantom Dennis. Okay. Phantom Dennis is best liked by Susan.
Ladies and gentlemen, Phantom Dennis.
Okay, this is from 1998.
Three and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.
He calls this movie terrific.
And he also says that it is consistently clever and funny,
overflowing with gags and visual ideas.
Yeah.
And he lists four, seven, nine,
four, 13,
13 participants in this,
performers in this motion picture.
How many names do you think
will take you, Susan,
to discern the title of this film?
Three.
Three names is all she wants!
Wow. Three names.
Yeah.
That's bold, Susan.
Susan came to play.
Damn.
Graham Elwood is Susan for to play. Damn. Grand Melwood is Susan for a bruising.
Come back with that.
You ignore that kind of behavior.
You're encouraging that behavior.
And it doesn't help anybody.
You're Susan for a bruising.
Do you feel in control?
Take control, Susan for a bruising? Take control, Susan.
So are you, Susan.
Take control.
This is true, Susan.
We were in San Diego.
We were walking down the street in San Diego.
There was a bar called The Double Deuce.
And it's in the Gaslamp District.
Right?
And it's packed.
All the bars are crowded. And no one's in that bar.
And Doug goes, you know why no one goes into that bar? Because they don't give two shits.
He said that.
Yeah, that should be their slogan, nobody gives two shits about the Double Deuce.
And the way he said it, I was like, here comes the joke!
I'm going on the joke train!
Wait, what did you say yesterday when we were waiting for the flight at the airport
and a couple guys with toupees walked by?
Oh, they were both German!
Oh, yeah, we heard their accents were German. What did you call them?
I can't remember. Is it German Toupee you call them? Fuck, I can't remember. Like, is it German toupee festival or something like that?
I don't know what it was.
I, I, that was a terrible setup for you.
They were German, they had toupees. What'd you say?
No!
So, so relative of mine. You're like,
No, no, don't make fun of me! It's just kidding.
We're skips when we're all at the table.
So how many, she said three.
I was giving the audience some guilt.
You were giving yourself some time to fucking think is what you were doing.
I'm onto you and your games.
Alright, I gotta, I gotta, uh, you can name that movie.
Okay, Susan, here's your three names.
You seem confident.
I'm hoping you know what you're doing.
Your three names are
Alex Rocco,
Edie McClurg,
and Bonnie Hunt.
Ice Age.
What's it called?
Ice Age.
See, I was afraid
that you were going to say that.
It's funny that I just said it
a few minutes ago.
It's a Bugs lie.
Yeah, yeah.
A little overconfident, Mark.
Yeah, she was crazy cocky. Dennis Leary was one of the voices in Bugs life.
But thank you for playing, Stringman!
Thank you.
Very good. Very good.
But man, before we get another contestant up here, because I promised everybody an extra good show tonight.
You know Susan, she's just fucking knocking shit over.
The worst glue here ever.
God damn it. This is bullshit.
Every movie should be high stakes.
Fuck you.
I kick your goddamn
festival on the flat.
She's not that drunk.
But there are
many nice balls left.
Hey,
nice balls.
Say that to her.
Okay, Graham,
we're going to play you and I. This is just between us.
I've often said on the podcast that I can't play Bane or Lincoln when Graham is a guest
because he'll be too good at it, and I'm going to prove it to you now by reading off all
the ones we've done already and watching him know exactly which movie each one of these is from.
With their name. Alright? Are you ready, Graham?
Yes.
Here we go. Speed round.
Are you afraid of what lies ahead?
Wreck-It.
Correct.
The great day of reckoning is nigh upon us.
The great day of reckoning is nigh upon us. The great day of reckoning
is nigh
upon us.
They never said nigh, that is Abraham Lincoln.
That's right, that's right, they didn't nigh
you piece of shit.
On that promise,
blood will be shed.
That is faith.
That is correct.
Oh!
You got the devil in you up here.
That is...
Speak of the devil in you up here.
That's Lincoln.
That's fake, mother fucker! That's Lincoln. It's Bane, Motherfucker!
Tell me where that was in Bane!
There was a scene where they're talking about Bane and he walks in and says,
RET!
Goddammit.
Alright, well I guess I was wrong.
Keep going. No, no, keep going.
On the fourth God of War...
Okay, that's from Thor.
Alright, it's from a song from the 80s.
I'm right round.
I'm right so far away.
I couldn't probably get no word.
Which one is it?
Thunderbolt, God of War. If you miss this one, we're stopping. Thunderforth God of War. Linkin.
That's correct.
This meeting is called to order.
That's me.
Yes.
I don't need your damn permission.
I don't need your damn permission.
This is a great meeting.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I don't need your damn permission.
This is a lady raising her hand. I know, I know!
I know what it is! You don't need our damn permission.
I don't need your damn permission.
That's Lincoln. Yes.
Now is not the That's Lincoln. Yes.
Now is not the time for fear.
That's Lincoln.
That's Bane!
No!
Lincoln did say that!
He also said that!
They both said that!
Bane was quoting Lincoln. Well, he said that.
I've never listened to him at all.
No, I'm serious.
I can't listen to this anymore.
I don't want to listen to it.
All right, who said that? We can move on.
Who said that?
Yeah, that was me. No, that was Lady Bird.
But he would never say, I can't listen to this anymore. He would just stop listening to it.
He would just walk away.
I'm leaving and you're still talking.
He'd just fucking shoot him like those guys.
He's like, probably.
He just pushes a guy into the fucking river.
Enjoy the back of my
fancy coat.
I'd rather look at it smoothly.
I'd rather look at it smoothly.
I can record some work in here
and write another one.
This is another ContessiGram. Give me another contestant, Graham.
We gotta wrap this up.
Alright, alright.
Alright, the guy with the Star Wars
episode one, because it is...
May the force be with you!
May the force be with you!
Is this it?
No, actually.
Well, it's still a force.
Well, in California, it's still a force, especially in the 50s. Well, in California, it's still a fourth.
California!
How about it?
This is shitty.
This is Bobby, everybody.
Bobby!
I love him.
I love you, Bobby.
You got a lot of nerve when you charge your bass thing, buddy.
Lisa thinks that that's a stupid sign.
Uh, Lincoln.
That's right, that's right.
Okay, Bobby, would you like Dolphin Lundgren?
You heard the setup earlier.
Or Ski Fall?
That's James Bond movies where he skis.
All of them.
And not for archetophobes,
and that's the films of the archet acting dynasty.
Courtney Cox, David, Schmitty, Schmitty Arquette, Manny.
Which one of those do you want to play, Bobby?
Bobby?
I'll go with the last one.
All right.
What was the last one?
Arquette, folks.
All right, folks.
We can finally play an arquette.
And, Bobby, I'm proud to say that no matter what happens, you win.
Two and a half stars from Leonard Bolton for this movie from 2006.
He says that this movie is narrated by an uncredited Jeremy Irons.
Yeah, and he also says that the lead actor is perfectly cast as the clueless hero.
And he lists seven, ten names.
How many names did you get me, Bobby?
In the category of...
Fourteen.
I got six.
Six, he says.
Six names.
Yeah, the person in the audience who suggested 14 is stupid.
That'd be great.
Now he's correct.
I'm sorry, you're stupid.
That's incorrect, dumbass.
Yeah.
Please, make me retarded,
that's what you do.
Alright, we're cutting that one out.
Oh, we'll leave it there.
Five names.
I'll go four.
I'll go name it, Bobby.
Oh, shit.
Let's go, Bobby.
Let's go, Bobby.
Come on now, Bobby.
Come on now.
I feel kind of good Let's go, Bobby! Let's go, Bobby. Come on now, Bobby! Come on now! Yeah, Bobby!
I feel kind of good about this, Bobby.
Do you like movies?
Yeah.
He loves movies.
All right.
Your four names are...
And again, it's from 2008.
I may have said six earlier.
That's why I'm telling you that.
It's 2008. Did you have something else in mind? Yeah, I did. Okay, 2008. I'll have said six earlier. That's why I'm telling you that. It's 2008.
Did you have something else in mind?
Yeah, I did.
Okay, 2008.
I'll tell you again.
2008, narrated by an uncredited Jeremy Irons,
and the lead performer is perfectly cast as the clueless hero.
And your four names are Marshall Bell,
Elizabeth Shue,
Phoebe Stroll,
and Skylar Astin.
Elizabeth Shue, with kind of low billing,
and an Arquette is in there somewhere.
Not the Louisville Highline.
2008. I'm sorry about the date itself, by the way. No. 2008.
I'm sorry about the date switch, but you win no matter what.
Eight-Legged Priest.
Oh.
That's a good choice.
Yeah, that's a really good choice.
Hamlet 2.
I have a second.
Guy in the front row yelled it out.
It's Hamlet 2.
Almost won.
Hamlet 2.
Because Elizabeth Shue, that's a pretty good clue because she appears in it as herself.
I thought she'd be a higher.
Oh, you thought she'd get a higher ability?
Yeah. Alright, but you win anyway!
There you go.
Nice job.
You know, he had a lot going on in his head.
I screwed up the dates, but also, he was just,
you know, he came up here, like, kind of
in a daze, just because he couldn't believe
that you're so shitty at Lincoln or Bain.
Graham Elwood, everybody!
Oh my God, I had so much fun here.
Thank you to everybody at the, what's this place called? Firebird?
What two random words did they put together? Who said, yes?
What?
What?
Funny bone!
Funny bone!
What are you yelling at me?
It is a funny bone.
Funny, don't, don't.
I'm not gonna say those words.
The words are funny.
This is the Firebird.
Yeah.
It's not the gloomer.
Quit it!
You guys are terrible.
Whatever this place is,
I'm going to come back
because there's like a
county office next door.
I can get my taxes done.
And then I can go out here
and get raped.
Because
I came by
this afternoon and there's just nobody around.
I was like, goddammit, this is a rape
or be raped situation.
I'm turning off the recording now.
As always, rape is a shithead. I'm turning off the recording now because that was...
As always, rape is a shit head.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.