Doug Loves Movies - Graham Elwood Vs. The World

Episode Date: May 28, 2012

Graham Elwood plays the Leonard Maltin Game against audience members at Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville, TN....See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at... https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers screaming maybe sticky seeds with 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug Loves Movies! Hey everybody, my name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies, special mini boner Soad coming to you from my hotel room on May 28th to Ocean's 12th. I'm in Nashville, Tennessee, where Graham and I did two stand-up shows at Zany's Comedy Club on 420 yesterday and on Saturday. And we played the Leonard Maltin game with audience members, with the prize bag including a guest spot to the person who beats Graham by the lowest number of names over the two shows. That person will join Graham and Sean Cullen as guests at the Douglas Movies taping
Starting point is 00:00:57 that we're doing this afternoon at Zany's, and you'll be able to listen to soon, hopefully in about a week. And you'll be able to listen to soon, hopefully in about a week. But for now, let's listen to Saturday's Graham Elwood vs. the World, right after the fart sound. As I turn on, just like I just did, I turn on my recording device on my phone, and we record it so whoever participates today and all of you that are sitting here enjoying this will you know all be on the podcast probably as early as tomorrow maybe yeah so let's see your name tags everybody listeners of the podcast made these are some elaborate ones. There's an iPad with Jess written on it. We get that a lot.
Starting point is 00:01:47 What's that supposed to be, Matt? Matt? You just wrote your name on a dry erase board? All right, good. So you can erase it later. Do I get the football coach or something? Yeah, he did the name. It said, open hearts can't lose.
Starting point is 00:02:04 What's the expression, Graham? Open hearts can't lose. What's the expression, Graham? Open hearts can't lose. Clear minds. That's it. We got a beaver from Caddyshack over there, right? Not a beaver. What was it?
Starting point is 00:02:21 They had a beaver problem on that golf course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're setting up those dams and they put them on golf course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? We're trying to play golf here. What am I going to slice the ball into without a tree, you stupid beaver?
Starting point is 00:02:42 There's a Superman underwear over there. Has he got your underwear, dude? I'm wearing Batman, bitch. Oh, okay. Let's try that he's right in this area. The Dark Knight. I... No, I just wanna be in your Batcave.
Starting point is 00:02:57 Come on! Bonus jokes. Now I'm not looking forward to Dark Knight Rises. That was gonna be my favorite movie this summer, and you ruined it. With your bat dick. With my underwear on. Now, do you ladies have a lot of shrubbery
Starting point is 00:03:19 in front of your bat cave? Remember? They show down like an old school TV. Yeah, on the TV show they have all those drums and they just go brrm, knock on the door, drive in. Alright, what else have we got? We got some large green balls.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Like softballs. Green ones for night play. For night softball. With the lights off. And there's a Nightmare Before Christmas poster over there. Pick my wife!
Starting point is 00:03:53 My wife! Oh, you want us to pick her? Two signs. She's wearing a palm strike shirt, so she's really full-time sucking up to you. She probably has bad girl underwear on. Have you got vegan treats?
Starting point is 00:04:07 Oh, vegan treats, buddy. Somebody has my hot spot. All right, so who do you want to play against, Graham? I'm going to go palm strike vegan treats. All right, get up here. And give all yourself a round of applause for making all these turn-out-of-the-way fans.
Starting point is 00:04:24 And as always, if she loses, we'll pick somebody else and have them come up and play a round of the Leonard Maldonians. Oh, you brought me pretzel M&M's. Holy cow. Aren't you an angel? Thank you so much. So what's your name?
Starting point is 00:04:40 The Night Before Christina. Let me see. Okay, Night Before Krista. Okay, I me see. Okay, Nightmare Before Christa. Okay, I got it. So what we're going to do is we're going to play one round of Leonard Maldon. And if you beat Graham, will you be, first of all, can I record your voice for the podcast? Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:58 And she said it. And then secondly, will you be able to come here on Monday and be the third guest on the taping of Pilgrim's Movies? Yes. Right here at St. Easy National. Very nice. Do you already have a ticket for that? No. No? Oh, she's really counting on this win. And we're going to do this again tomorrow, so if you beat Graham today, we'll have to get your info,
Starting point is 00:05:23 because it's going to be the person who beats Graham by the widest... He beats him the worst. Beats him the worst, yes. Whoever is more devastating to him in his psyche will be emotionally, it'll be whoever is more emotionally devastating. Yes. Same for taking that seriously, guys.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Yeah, but everybody got very serious. Okay, those are fair rules. Graham's emotional temperature will determine who the fair guess is on Mondays. That would be a terrible system. Okay, so I'm going to let you pick a category from the Leonard Moulton app on my phone. Would you like Hanks for Nothing? That's movies, that's Tom Hanks movies that got one star or less from Leonard. One star or bomb.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Or would you like someone named Opportuniver on Twitter suggested Killing Me Softly. That's a movie where someone is murdered with a pillow. That's the best way to do it. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:06:29 That's the best way to murder someone? It is. Go on a road trip with a buddy that you hate, and then when you're sleeping, you just... Oh, you gotta have a weird song when you do it? You gotta have a weird song. You have to sing a weird song. Okay. And then the third
Starting point is 00:06:45 option is, today, celebrating a birthday, is director and actor, comedian, Bobcat Goldthwait. So, yeah. Bobcat!
Starting point is 00:06:53 So, the films of Bobcat Goldthwait. Which one of those three would you like to play? Pillow Kill. Don't touch my microphone. Pillow Kill.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Just stroke it. Goldthwait. Goldthwait. Take your rings off. And then have at the bat pool. Or, uh, Hanks for Nothing. Hanks for Nothing.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Excellent choice, ladies and gentlemen. Hanks for Nothing and Jake Sporfree. This is from, and don't yell out in the audience if you happen to know the answer, although I don't know why I'm saying that, because you guys are the most docile crowd that we've done this in front of in a while. From 1990 is when this movie came out.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Leonard Maltin called it a bomb. That's right. And I don't think he gave any other Tom Hanks movie a bomb designation. And he says it's appalling. That makes sense. And he also says about the movie that F. Murray Abraham appears unbilled. So F. Murray Abraham, remember him from Amadeus?
Starting point is 00:07:59 He shows up in the movie, and they don't give him credit. But Leonard likes to give credit where credit is due. He's also in a Tom Selleck prison movie. Oh, An Innocent Man. Yes. Okay, let's play this game. You just went boom to people in the front row. Superman, he's fucking, you know,
Starting point is 00:08:21 the dark knight doesn't quite get it. He's an ocean fish and play. He's fucking good guy. He's fucking this guy. Saw his parents killed. He's ready to fuck some people up. Ugh. I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:08:32 This is like, this is like, this is what I was doing. This is what I was doing. I was screaming. My great-grandchildren came to see me. Are you okay? Are you talking to him or me? I was counting up the names.
Starting point is 00:08:47 A lot of names. Had to count them up. 22 names are listed by Leonard Moulton, but not F. Murray Abraham. Not F. Murray, because he went unbilled. How many names do you think you can guess this? Tom Hanks, bomb.
Starting point is 00:09:02 How many names do you think it would take you? Krista did you think 1990 the year is 1990 a lot of the a lot of the audience members usually don't go that bold with their bidding strategy. So, Graham, you can go into negative names. If he says negative one name, he has to name the top billed person. If he says negative two, he has to name the two. But you also have to get the movie right.
Starting point is 00:09:39 So what are you thinking you're going to do here, Graham? It's a tough decision. Negative one. Oh, he says negative one. So do you think you can go negative two, she says. Negative two. Negative three can get pretty tricky, Graham. What are you going to do besides taking a dump on the stage?
Starting point is 00:10:03 What are you going to do besides taking a dump on the stage? Name that movie, young lady! Okay, gave her the mic, but she doesn't get to touch it. Don't touch it. What's the name of the movie? Bonfire in the Vanity Fair. That is correct. Who are? Hang on.
Starting point is 00:10:22 That was the easy part. They both knew that. Who are... Hang on. That was the easy part. They both knew that. So now, who is the absolute top-billed performer in this movie? And then who is number two? Grace Millar. That is correct! Yeah!
Starting point is 00:10:35 The winner! That was amazing! That was amazing! That was amazing! Very well done. I don't know, but I found out before you. I got an impressive wins. If you had gone three names, who would you have guessed was third building that? Melanie Griffith. Yeah, she was right.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Melanie Griffith. I can't go anywhere. Yeah, no. Because then the next name is Kim Cattrall. I don't even remember her being in that. I think she plays a hooker or something. Just like she does on Sex and the City. Alright, so this means that tomorrow we're going to play,
Starting point is 00:11:10 and I'm not going to warn people about this, because some people might not show up, they might not be into it, but tomorrow we're going to play with audience members, and somebody has to go deeper than two negative names. To be the person to play with us on Monday. So, Krista, we'll see you on Monday. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:34 That's what a polite crowd you guys are. In L.A., if I didn't say what was in the prize bag, they would lose their minds and start yelling, prize bag, prize bag. But here, you guys are like, do it the way you want, Doug. So here's what you're playing for, Krista. And we'll play the whole game over again. I went to the breakfast buffet at my hotel this morning
Starting point is 00:11:54 and got you some Froot Loops. Also a copy of Graham's CD, Palm Strike Dance Party. Palm Strike Dance Party. Yeah, a Freak Dance sticker from the Freak Dance from Matt Messer and UCB, and my first CD, Professional Humoridian, and you know, I still got Weezer stuff, this is whatever you call this thing, and then it's like a vinyl, but it's a single. Seven inch. That's right. I got it down at Subway Sandwich Shop. And then a Douglas Movies t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Yeah, to go with your Palmstripe t-shirt. That's amazing. All right, there you go. There's all your prizes. And you'll come back and play for an audience member On Monday, let's hear it for Krista, everybody That was amazing I was glad to lose
Starting point is 00:12:52 To somebody Yeah, and Graham and I We're going to do the merch table outside You can get Paul Strike shirts And Paul Strike Dance Party CDs And Krista, do come see us at the table Give us your last name And we'll make sure that you're set up for Monday and I can't imagine someone doing better than her tomorrow she really she knocked
Starting point is 00:13:13 it down so congratulations to her My wife! My wife did it! Yay! No more strife! I can go back to my life! I'll cut you with a knife! Wait, what? My favorite TV character is a 45!
Starting point is 00:13:40 That's a good one to end on. That's a good one to end on. Holy crap fart. Negative two names. Seems like a done deal, doesn't it? Well, before I play Sunday's show, let me get in a couple of plugs. We're taping at Douglas Movies in Baltimore
Starting point is 00:13:59 at the Comedy Factory on Saturday, June 9th at 420. Three special guests, one of whom has been on the show before and two of whom have not. And I'll be doing two Benson movie interruptions in the Cinema Tent at Bonnaroo on Thursday, June 7th and Friday, June 8th at 4.20. Thursday is going to be Crank 2 High Voltage. Leonard Maltin says about that movie that it's worth one and a half stars
Starting point is 00:14:28 and is brainless and tasteless and features gratuitous violence and sex. Yeah, sounds pretty good to me. And then on Friday we're going to show Rambo. And Leonard gave that 2008 classic one and a half stars as well, calling it needlessly bloody and unintentionally laughable. Perfect for interrupting. Now let's see what happened on Sunday during Graham Elwood vs. the World. Plus a special guest.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Yeah, Sean Cullen, who is good at yelling like a southerner, stopped by to, I don't know if help out is the right word for it, but he participates. So check it out. Hey, everybody. We're on stage at Zadie's in Austria. Hey! Last day of TC! Over the electric cat monkey! And they just go right along with it. Yeah! Cat monkey for everybody! We've got one!
Starting point is 00:15:49 That's Sean Cullen and Grant Olwin is also here and we're about to play the Leonard Mulde game. I'm going to tell you guys what's in the prize bag because it's a pretty great prize bag. Twizzlers. Twizzlers. Yeah, yeah, East Coast movie snack. If you're on the West Coast, you're going to have to have red vines. Skittles, wild berry. Wild berry!
Starting point is 00:16:11 Eat that one! Ride it! It's going to take a long time to get through this if you do that. Every item. Ride it in the local flavor. The local flavor is wild berry Skittles. That is the local flavor is Wild Mary's Kittles. That is the local flavor. We got Sean, Sean Cullen's CD, I Am a Human Man. I am a human man!
Starting point is 00:16:35 Woo! We got one! That's my southern hat brand. We got a hat, What's this hat? This is from the 2008 MLS All-Star Game in Toronto. Oh, I had a friend who died from MLS. Wow, I'm terrible. Luke Herrick. Luke Herrick died in Major League Soccer.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Today, Luke Eric died of Major League Soccer. Taking back a victory, I consider myself the most unbeaten man in the world. We've got a Graham Elwood Palm Strike Dance Party CD. Palm Strike Dance Party! We got sexy palms! We've got one of my CDs. And then this is the most exciting prize to me because there's so many young adults in the crowd tonight. I know. I write books for young adult audiences.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Yeah, yeah. Published by, is that a penguin in the corner? It is my penguin. Penguin, yeah, yeah. And this particular one. We got penguins! Salute! Yeah, yeah. And this particular one. We got penguins! Sally! Morgan Freeman approached the narration of that movie all wrong.
Starting point is 00:17:52 He should have been like, we got penguins! Look at them! Just fucking look at them! Look at the goddamn penguins coming right in your goddamn face! They should put that out on 3D. They should do a reissue of Happy Feet. What was that movie? Yeah, Happy Feet. Happy Feet 3D. The Morgan Freeman's narration of Happy Feet would be, This is stupid.
Starting point is 00:18:20 It would have been totally different. But anyway, the book is called The Prince of Neither Here Nor There. And it's part of a, is this one a trilogy? Is that what you're telling me? It's two of those. Two of these. It's a double G. Double G.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Double G. It is a double G. Dualogy we call it in the... Yeah. I think I also got some lotion from my hotel room. So it's a pretty amazing project. Hope your hands are good to chat! my hotel room, so it's a pretty amazing prize bag. Hope your hands are good to chat!
Starting point is 00:18:51 If you use the word amazing loosely, this is an amazing bag of stuff. And someone's gonna win it today, but they're also gonna win a chance, not a chance, but they could possibly win the opportunity of sitting on stage with these two fools. Coming out of my recording voice! That was in the pocket. I'm gonna be working the shit out of that one. Tonight, and every night, tomorrow afternoon,
Starting point is 00:19:16 when we return for Douglass Movies, live in Nashville. So, let's see those ring tags! Let's see them all! We got Big Cookie, we got Cooley High, we got The Avengers, we got a guy who just wrote his name on a 3x5 card. That's impressive. Are you getting name tags in the balcony? No? No, just waving them.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Just waving. Just waving hands. We don't need tags! We got hands! Nice. We got one! Some rambles. There's a lightsaber over there. Shit. We don't need chimes, we got hands! Nice. So Graham, oh, there's a lightsaber over there?
Starting point is 00:19:48 That's a ball. Yes, a ball, and it's so tiny and far away. These balls are bigger and green, I would imagine. Isn't that big, green, the balls? Yeah, so Graham, who would you like to play against? Oh, let me see. Oh, wow, she is went in there and found out some fucking thing. She just ruined the thing.
Starting point is 00:20:10 I'm gonna have to go Luke with the lightsaber. This is gonna be a round of applause. Good luck with this. Lightsaber! Me! I am the fire! I'm gonna cut off your hand, boy need to do is let me one more time! Take that behind the chest or get me whoopin'! You're a fucking... You came up here as the witch of the Empire! Emperor! Right? You're a goddamn traitor!
Starting point is 00:20:44 Shiiiit! You're the religion, the empire, emperor, right? You're a goddamn traitor! SHIT! If you like yelling, come on down to the Zanes and be sure to take a shit to listen to the bathroom yelling. The people pipe that shit down the shitter. We don't spare the shit up. Um, do I have any pickings? No, no, no. It's just Graham. It's got to be you guys. So give yourself a hand.
Starting point is 00:21:06 Hello, Colliery and Knuckles. Could you say, uh... Give Logan a big round of applause. Yeah, you too. Is that your Chewbacca concert? Yes. Lightsabers, a part of living. No, that's life savers, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Take it back, take it back. Take it back. All right, dude, hold it up, dude. Hold it, goddamn, sorry about that. Do you think you're gonna be good at this, Luke? Yes. Well, should I do it like, I don't wanna eat it when I'm eating,
Starting point is 00:21:43 can you put it in a space? I would just yell at him. Well, I can listen to him for a couple of years. Put it in his face. What does that look like? Give me that microphone. I don't want to just stand there yelling at him and nobody will really hear it. I'll yell and bleed in. You guys can both do it.
Starting point is 00:22:00 I'm a skilled interviewer. So, Luke, do you think you're going to be good at this game? Yes. Thank God we liked that. That was fucking amazing. We don't want to listen to this egg roll. Tell me why people listen to unanswered questions. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 00:22:20 I'm going to give you categories to choose from. And audience members, please don't yell out if you think you know it, because this is just between Luke and Graham. Meow. Yeah. Luke, would you like to play? At ShortRoss9 on Twitter suggested, in theaters pow. In theaters pow. That's movies that are based on comic books.
Starting point is 00:22:43 Comic book movies. Or, at Sunny Prospect suggested, what to infect when you're infecting. Which is movies about plagues. Plague movies. Which are always fun. And then, hang on. And then, your third option is, I bet you don't know
Starting point is 00:23:06 the full title. This is a movie where I think most people don't know what the actual full title of the movie is. So I'm basically saying this category is so hard you probably shouldn't pick it. That's why you couldn't pick it, right?
Starting point is 00:23:23 No, which one do you want to play, Lou? In Theater's Pow. In Theater's Pow. In Theater's Pow. All right, this is a comic book movie. Actually, I've narrowed it down to two. Would you like a movie based on comic books from 1966 or 1978? Which one would you like, Luke? 78.
Starting point is 00:23:40 Use the force, Luke. Use the force, Luke! All right. 78. The force is with you, Luke. Use the force, Luke! Alright. 78, the force is with you, Luke. You better support a bunch of Jim! People have yelled out every variation of it. There's no force it, Luke.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Force it, Luke! There's no I've got your force right here, Luke. Three and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie. Have you got any force? Go fish. I was wrong. Give Luke the microphone.
Starting point is 00:24:20 All right, three and a half stars. We're going up. We're going up. 1978. Leonard calls this movie based on comic books dynamic, grandly entertaining, and he also says about this movie that it's great fun. And he lists five, six, seven, eight, 11, 14, 16. No, it doesn't stop.
Starting point is 00:24:42 20 names. He lists 20 names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Luke? No, you only get it in 16. No, it doesn't stop. 20 names. You list 20 names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Luke? No, you only get 16. 16 names. That's a good, strong opening. I'm going to go with zero. Oh, no. Graham says zero names, Luke. What do you do with that? Where do you go from there? Let's get Luke a microphone so he can say what he wants to do next. Does the movie Superman mean anything to anybody?
Starting point is 00:25:15 That is correct. Who do you have to defeat? If you were to find Pitman 2, would it have been Christopher Reeve and Marlon Brando and Gene Hackman, right? No, what were you going to say? Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder? That would be correct. Yeah. According to Len's version,
Starting point is 00:25:40 he changes it up. Because when that movie came out, it was famous for Marlon Brando being top billed even though he's just Jor-El and he dies 20 minutes. He got, like, at the time, he got something like $5 or $10 million. He got $100 million. The little kid in a cake.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Yeah, he got, like, a second of my money for that time period for literally, like, eight seconds. Yeah, he got a fucking bunch of cake money. Well, thank you, Luke, for playing. Thank you, Luke. Nice try, Luke. All right, you guys came to yesterday's show.
Starting point is 00:26:10 Orange softballs. Come on. Oh, she's pointing. All right. Do you really think those green softballs are orange? Jesus.
Starting point is 00:26:19 They're tangelos. Get up here. Come on, get up here, dude. The lady has no confidence. You jump off your way to fight your way in. Nice. Good job. What's your name?
Starting point is 00:26:31 Josh. Josh. Okay, Josh has got his girlfriend's balls around his neck. That's a weird sentence. And you get to pick a category, Josh. Would you like Peggy Sue Got Marley'd in Me? That's movies where Kathleen Turner dies. Or Keep It Crispy.
Starting point is 00:26:58 That's movies where someone is set on fire. Or Or Leonard Part Six. That's movies that were based on writings of Elmore Leonard. And I would tell you, I would give you some clues of what stuff he's written, but that would give it away.
Starting point is 00:27:22 But he's behind the great TV series on FX called Justify. Which one would you like? Keep It Crispy. I'm in Malaysia. Keep it crispy. The river's on fire. This is from 1974.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Oh. Leonard Maltin gives it two and a half stars. He calls this movie All-Star Idiocy. And he also says that it won Oscars for Cinematography, Editing, and Best Song. Yeah. And he lists 14 names. How many names did you get today, Josh? I'll start at fourteen. That's a strong company name.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Well, much like your predecessor, I will say zero. He's saying zero names in there! He is fucking crazy! So Josh, you have to get in a negative name, say an old war-ass grand name, and then leave the stage with your balls. Thank you for your name. No print balls.
Starting point is 00:28:32 Thanks, Paul. Can you say it again? Say it again? The Clues? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All Star Idiocy won Oscars for cinematematography, Editing, and Song. And it's a movie where someone gets set on fire at some point. From 1974. Graham says zero names.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Name that movie. Name it, Graham. Is it The Towering First? Let's hear another motherfucking example. I would say... You know what, Graham? Come on, Jack Spill! Quick, I want the E-Pack for me! Get out! You know what, Graham? That was so dumb of me to tell you all the answers in the car on the way over. I don't know, why did I do that?
Starting point is 00:29:12 Why would I give you all of the answers? Just to humiliate all these nice people. I knew Tyrone Inverno because I believe it's O.J. Simpson that catches on fire in there. Or Steve McQueen catches on fire. O.J. Simpson and spoiler alert lives and I think and he returns a cat to the late
Starting point is 00:29:30 to the guy, to Fred Astaire whose girl that he likes who owned the cat felt a horrible ugly death but when you said all star cast I knew it because Lauren Green is in that Paul Newman is in that, Steve McQueen is in that, Charlton Heston is in that.
Starting point is 00:29:46 No one would ever have to give me that answer because I fucking know shit because I'm in a goddamn podcast about comedy filmers. I don't know that shit right now. It's like New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day if half of them died. Those movies would be a lot better if they had a body.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Yeah, set somebody on fire. Jessica Biel, come on. She's shit hot. Set her on fire. Alright, pick another contestant, man. We gotta get out of here. We're running over. Alright, let's go.
Starting point is 00:30:22 We're going to decide who's going to be the best. Rice. Rice is cookie. Bryce and his cookie. Bring up your name tag, Katie, come down. Bring it up here. The whole point is so we can know what your name is. Bryce and Katie? Here, hold it.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Just a second, I don't have to hold it. I made it up. Holy shit, tomorrow's gonna be fun. Who's coming back tomorrow? It's gonna be a good time. No. All right, pick a category, Bryce. Would you like... Really long name titles, please.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton, that's movies where Diane Keaton dies. Grandma's Cock, that's the films of Jeff Garlin or Me Love You Wrong Time and that's movies that have time travel and romance Me Love You Wrong Time which one would you like? we're trying to make you feel confident
Starting point is 00:31:23 oh wow Dying Keaton. Alright, Dying Keaton dies in this movie. The year is 2005. Leonard gives it three stars. He calls this movie warm hearted. He calls it a comedy drama. And he says the cast couldn't be better better I think I've played this on the show recently and then and he lists I don't listen to your show okay perfect he lists you just wear the shirt the douglas moody shirt with my signature on it he just bakes fucked up cookies hangs around waiting for someone to notice no one can hear you that's listening to this podcast.
Starting point is 00:32:06 He can't say he's pumped up trying cookies for the same money. Hangs around like a goddamn loser. I don't know if you know this. It's a little hot outside. Eleven days. Sean, take the mic back. Jesus Christ. Eleven days. Sean, take the mic back. Jesus Christ. Eleven days, Bryce.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Are you a bitch? I don't know. What's your ass-hand to you there, beauty-tan? Bryce, help me! Now Bryce, here's the important thing to remember, Bryce. You didn't get this in negative three days or even more to participate in tomorrow's show. So, what's your okay name? Still gonna get 11 names. 11 names, he says. He's just going for the prize money.
Starting point is 00:32:52 I will go 8. Brad says 8. Wait. Wait. Wait, I'm gonna go negative 3. Whoops! I really get this game. He just jumped to negative 3.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Oh, alright. Name that boob three. Alright, name the boobie. Alright, what's it called? What's it called? Wait, he has to name the name. He's going negative three. So he's got to name the name. But first he has to name the boobie. He's gonna have to just walk away when he does and be back.
Starting point is 00:33:22 What's that about? What's he named? Super-Heine? What? Super-Heine? Yes, everybody, is super hiney. He thinks that someone died in super hiney, and that someone was a famous actress. You have a dying pigeon. That's an amazing guest. You don't know any of my work! You don't know any of my shit! Take that shirt off! But I love. But I love his attitude so much. Oh, no. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Those are the worst. You have the weirdest man tits I've ever seen. All right, I need a titty from you. Here's what I have. People are demanding refunds Put that shirt on And be careful that your nipples don't cut through it Holy crap
Starting point is 00:34:12 They're also demanding milkshakes You win You win Here's the prizes Sit the fuck down Get the hell out of here, Bryce Diane Keaton died in a movie called The Family Stone. The Family Stone.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Spoiler alert. Congratulations. The girl from yesterday, Krista, is going to be the third contestant tomorrow. At the Douglas Booth stage. One more time for Pam Elwood! Thanks, dude. Wait, Sean Cullen. You're not done. We need a quick, like, ending theme song to sum up what happened here today.
Starting point is 00:34:54 While we're here... No, I can't do it. It's a Broadway song. I ain't going nowhere until I get in a fight. I came down here this afternoon and something just ain't right. I yelled a lot of words and I made a lot of laughs. But sometimes I try to touch myself in my pocket. I'm touching myself in my pocket and I'm touching myself right now. I'm starting my recording device so I'm recording, I'm choosing myself right now. I'm starting my record class. You know I'm for men now.
Starting point is 00:35:27 One day I'm happy. I'll come back to you and say I was just as lazy as the Vincent here today. Yay! Stop calling! Thanks, buddy! There you have it. Bryce really did have the most unfortunate man tits I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Sorry, Bryce. And Graham was on fire, keeping it crispy. So, Krista Martin, also known as at Miss Krita on Twitter, will be joining Sean Cullen and Graham Elwood as my guests on a premium app, Douglas Movies Live in Nashville, which will be available soon or now in the comedy album section of iTunes.
Starting point is 00:36:14 Get it to see if she can take down two Douglas Movies titans. Release the Graham! Oh, and also, I just want to give a little extra special bonus piece of information to people who actually listen to these minisodes. Coming up soon at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on June 19th, I'm going to be taping an episode where I'm finally getting them together. T.J. Miller, Pete Holmes, and Jeff Garlin all on the same show. That's Tuesday, June 19th.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Don't tell anyone. Just come to it if you're in Los Angeles on that date. Thanks for listening, and as always, Bryce's boobs is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you
Starting point is 00:37:10 Cause Doug loves movies

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