Doug Loves Movies - Greg Fitzsimmons, Joe DeRosa, and Dan Soder Guest
Episode Date: September 7, 2017A special bonus episode exclusively for Stitcher Premium subscribers! Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes comedians Greg Fitzsimmons, Joe DeRosa, and Dan Soder to the show.Se...e Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and maybe sticky seeds
With 50 azotop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies
Hey everybody!
I don't know if you knew this or not,
but my name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Always the most professional
of all the sing-backs at the beginning of the show
because we're here at Meltdown Comics
in Los Angeles California
it's Thursday September 7th I don't know why I'm so excited 2017 2017. Name tags, anyone? Oh, wow.
We got some good ones
today. I saw that one
on the internet. Instead of the jerk,
it's the Beth.
Is that your face on Steve Martin's
face? Yes. Were you born
a poor black child?
Ha ha ha!
It's these cans.
They hate these cans they hate these cans uh prom e teia us and your name is teia okay
fair enough indiana jones indeed indy what does that say? Indiedonna?
Indiedonna Jones?
I like it.
And resident Evia?
Your name is Evia?
You're a man named Evia?
That is kind of cool, I think, maybe.
And there's a big teen wolf of my face on it. What's the name on that?
Dean Wolf.
Dean Wolf.
That just sounds like you're in charge of a school for lycanthropes.
All right.
Great job, everybody.
Good luck getting chosen tonight.
Doug plugs.
Saturday at 420 Douglas Movies comes to the inaugural 208 Comedy Festival in Boise, Idaho.
Douglas Movies is back here at Meltdown Comics
on Monday night.
Friday, September 16th,
I'm doing a 5 o'clock happy hour
stand-up show at Helium
in Portland, Oregon. Not only
will it be a gas,
if you bring name tags,
you can play a game from Douglas Movies.
Probably Last Man Stanton.
Had a lot of fun with the crowd in Denver last Monday
playing Last Man Stanton with Emma Stone and Shaquille O'Neal.
Yeah, that was an interesting one.
And it might end up on the album if I make an album of that
show.
Yeah, you guys are in such
suspense
over whether or not that's going to happen.
For all of my deets, dates, and links,
go to Douglovesmovies.com.
That's Douglovesmovies.com!
Yeah!
Yeah!
K-A-R-S
Kars for kids.
From the corrections department,
Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, and Colin Farrell
were all
not in Saving Private Ryan.
But Colin Firth is in
Shakespeare in Love,
which won Best Picture over Saving Private Ryan,
undeservedly so.
So there.
Prize bag.
Here's what I brought for tonight.
A Doug Loves Movies T-shirt,
a blue card from Getting Doug
With High,
signed by me,
a copy of
my CD,
promotional tool,
not signed by me,
a pair of
MyFreeCam sunglasses.
You may recognize
them from my Instagram
or Getting Dug With High.
I got an extra pair of those, so I'm giving them away.
And all three sizes of the Christmas Peacemaker pipe.
Yeah.
I like that that was the most exciting thing
to this crowd.
And also,
the stuff that my guests brought tonight.
I got three very funny dudes.
When people were asking me on Twitter today,
any hints who's going to be here tonight,
I said, top men.
Which is the classic line from
the Raiders of The Lost Ark,
please give a big warm welcome to Dan Soder, Joe DeRosa, and Greg Fitzsimmons!
Hey, guys.
Hi, Doug.
Hey.
Let's start with him.
It's his first time here in Los Angeles.
It's Dan Soder, everybody.
Hi.
Hello, Los Angeles.
Has a perfect record on the show, though.
You've appeared on the show in New York
and just a few days ago in Cleveland,
and you won both times.
2-0.
Real shitty at most of the games,
but I pull through at the end.
Yeah.
So if I pick your name tag,
it might look bad at first,
but it'll get good.
Star of billions on Showtime?
You always say that, and I always have to tell you
I'm a peripheral character.
All right, well, Joe DeRosa is here, everybody.
Hello.
Star of Billions.
I created it.
Creator, Star of Billions.
Yeah. Little makeup, you play the Paul Giamatti role. Creator, star of billions. Yeah.
Little makeup, you play the Paul Giamatti role.
Yes, yes.
Got this for many years now.
Actually, you may know Joe not only from Better Call Saul,
but there you go.
There he is.
One person, you know, who doesn't love a veterinarian
who is shady?
And you also might know him
from Two Shorts Boombox.
Where he appeared the one time
because I dragged him down there
when I had to be on Two Shorts Boombox.
And thank God he was there
because Joe really knew how to pay some respect yeah and
then too short return the respect by making me sit in the closet you sat in the closet until he
found out you're a big fan and then you moved out of the closet remember the part where i go here's
my favorite too short lyric girl you look at a dick like it's a slot machine and he and he he
didn't know what I was talking about.
He's like, what song is that?
And I was like, it's your song, man.
I don't fucking know.
I just remember that lyric.
It's funny.
What if it was some other guy that said that?
You were wrong.
No, no, no.
It's definitely him,
because I brought up another one of his songs.
I go, my favorite song you ever did is Buy You Some with Eric Sermon.
And he goes, yeah.
He doesn't remember his music. favorite song you ever did is Buy You Some with Eric Sermon. And he goes, uh, yeah.
He doesn't remember his music.
It should be Too Short's Hotbox
because
they smoke a lot of weed.
And also joining us, a regular on
the program, of course, it's Greg Fitzsimmons!
Thank you.
Host of so many shows.
And panelist on Best Week Ever with you, Doug.
Oh, wow.
That's a blast from the past.
You know the thing about Best Week Ever and At Midnight that are both frustrating to me in both shows' cases?
That when they go off the air, they also just completely go away.
They go away.
Because it's all topical shit.
So nobody cares anymore.
Nobody cares.
It's like if you were in Greece, in what year was that?
The city or the movie.
Well done.
Either one, people remember you the city of greece
flat bush no uh greece greece came out in the 70s 74 76 something like that
um but yeah best week ever, it's disposable television.
It goes in and comes out.
Wait, what did Grease have to do with anything?
Well, everybody remembers every cast member from Grease.
Uh-huh.
And that was the two-hour experience.
We did it for 10 years every week.
And here's the best part.
Here's how much respect you got on Best Week Ever from VH1.
They call you up every Friday and go, hey, what are you doing on Monday?
Never a contract.
Ten fucking years.
We never had even a one-week contract.
It was always like the guy who was afraid to ask you out.
So we'd be like, hey, you going to Mark's party on Saturday?
Maybe I'll see you.
You know how right you are?
I just realized as you're talking about this
I am on Better Call Saul
maybe twice a season
and when they said that
I got one clap
and that was still more claps
than Best Week Ever got
yeah
yeah
you should join Grease
the road tour
you could be Rizzo
yes
also nobody remembers anybody from Grease that's what I was just gonna say I don't know what you're talking about He could be Rizzo.
Also, nobody remembers anybody from Grease. That's what I was just going to say.
I felt weird not saying it.
They were like, everyone knows every cast member.
I'm like, dude, I got two, maybe three.
Stockard Channing.
John Travolta.
Celebrity rehab guy from Taxi.
Keep going, Joe.
That's Kevin Conaway.
Eddie Deezit.
Sid Caesar.
The lady from Full Nest.
Remember that sitcom?
The red-headed daughter from Full Nest was in it.
She did the loudspeaker.
What's his name?
This went off the rails four names ago.
I love this game, naming people from Greece.
Stalker Channing, who was in her 50s when she made that movie.
And she's still in her 50s.
There are worse things I could do than a face tuck or two.
Who else?
Stalker, she was the reverse Ralph Macchio.
She was like, I'm 15. She was like, I'm 15.
You're like, you look terrible.
I was born like this.
One of the T-Birds was named Doody.
That's all I got.
We did pretty good, though.
Olivia Newton-John, we didn't say.
We didn't?
I don't think we said her.
She's a star.
Sophocles.
Aristophanes.
John Stephanopoulos.
Is it George?
George Stephanopoulos?
It's George.
His brother John.
All the fucking Stephanopoulos
and Snuffleupagus too
while we're at it.
Greg,
I saw you on the set
of The Crashing,
the Pete Holmes show.
Crashing.
You did an episode.
I came in,
had a scene.
Right.
You did a great job.
Pete let me talk.
It was amazing.
Yeah, it was brief,
but you got in there. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was brief, but you got in there.
Yeah, I was writing on it all summer in New York, and then I did an episode also.
Nice.
And, you know, it's three months straight in New York City.
It's a lot of New York City in the summer.
We had a guy, and we were shooting in the village at midnight and homeless people come out and we have
300 extras and 50 people on the crew and there's a homeless guy that walks next to the set and
every time we start rolling he goes hey and so we can't shoot and so finally we're like we got to
stop we the cop you can't get cops to get rid of him. He's got a right to be there. So a producer
goes over and he goes, I'll give him some money.
So he goes over and he gives him some money. The guy walks
away and I go, how much did you give him? He goes,
a dollar.
I was like, he could have held out for five.
Or more.
Or more. He knows
HBO. Yeah.
When I go home on Saturday, I'm going to find that guy in the West
Village and teach him how to negotiate.
That's it.
I'll be like,
you had the leverage.
Yeah.
He needs a rep.
Yeah.
I'm quitting the business, Greg.
I'm getting into bum managing.
First, I'm going to work the rails.
Then every bus station in America.
Dan thinks he knows a lot about finance
since he stars on Billions
I'm a guest star
and I'm grateful for that
Alright Dan
I know you're always proud of
you try to be proud of what you brought for the
prize bag. I try to
You brought a bag that's much sturdier than the one
I brought so I'm already excited
I started with
I live in Queens,
so I got something Queens-inspired. I got a
Joey Ramone Pop Rock
state, so that'll be
fun. And then I'm lazy,
so I just got a $25
gift certificate to Meltdown here.
So there you go.
$25? Jeez.
You got both of those things
from Meltdown. Yeah.
I do a real weekend dad job of this.
Where I'm like, yeah, what's close?
I got some money.
Daddy.
You love Scooby-Doo.
Daddy, they're called Pop Vinyl, not Pop Rocks.
I go, yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
Your mom's a cold bitch.
I only see you twice a month.
Pass it down.
Great job.
Very nice.
Thank you.
It's really nice work.
Yeah.
Nice.
Joe DeRosa.
Thanks for the late nights, Joe.
This is a book
that I didn't just take off my bookshelf today
because I didn't want it anymore.
I spent $50.
It's worth at least as much as you spent.
This is a book called lol golf and I got it as a stocking stuffer one here's golf jokes
and Doug I like to donate books to the show and I like to put an inscription
that somebody can fill in the appropriate names of the person to and
from and then I already put the whole scenario in there so you can give this
gift to somebody. Okay.
So whoever wins tonight is going to say,
Dear Blank,
thought you could use a few of these jokes as icebreakers
when you make your big speech
at the big charity golf outing on Saturday.
The foundation raises money for such a great cause.
Remember, it doesn't matter that hundreds of children die every day from that horrid disease.
You're the best.
You're doing your best.
Okay, you're doing your best.
I think that's funny.
Love blank. Okay, you're doing your best. I think that's funny. Love.
Love blank.
So you could write Dear Joe.
This is something you do every time you're on this show?
I've done it before.
I think it went better the other times.
Read one of the golf jokes.
Yeah, I gotta read one of these
fucking jokes, but they're all
so fucking long.
What is that about?
Are they stories? They're like golf paragraphs.
And they're not funny,
believe it or not.
It was a windy day.
A duffer made a terrible
shot.
And in the process,
tore up a gigantic piece of turf.
He picked it up,
turned to his caddy and said,
what should I do with it?
The caddy replied,
anyone?
Any guesses?
If I were you,
I'd take it home to practice on.
What?
Did they give up halfway through that joke?
That's a joke we're halfway through.
You just want to go home?
What do you want to finish with?
Oh my God.
It's funnier than The Legend of Bagger Vance,
but not as funny as Tin Cup.
It falls somewhere.
Tin Cup had Cheech Marin.
Oh, my God, it sure did.
I'd like to point out the irony
that a joke from the shitty golf book
actually saved the golf bit with the book.
Oh, jeez.
Okay, never mind.
Jesus, Stan had just pulled you out of that one
too. Yeah.
I thought you read a...
Never mind. Okay, so
there's also little riddles in here. One of them is
what's the official drink
of the 19th hole?
What?
You know,
my first guess is pussy juice.
Yeah.
Turns out it's lilac crazy.
Oh.
Lilac crazy.
Fuck that.
Lilac crazy.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
It's what Donald Trump does after he finishes a round.
He lies like crazy.
Oh, my God.
This book is garbage.
I'm going to throw it out.
No one should have this book.
For any reason, you should keep it.
The Library of Congress said,
eh, eh, to this book.
Don't you understand?
It's so bad, it's good.
Sorry, you're going to make the big Hollywood
money, and I can't afford to buy pop vinyl toys
out in the store for everybody.
Listen, Joe, I care about my kids.
I want them to be happy.
What did you bring, Greg?
I got a book that I bought in the bookshelf
out here as well.
It's Jesse Ventura's Marijuana Manifesto
signed
by me.
And then
a friend of mine
just got back from Cuba.
I don't smoke cigars
but he gave me
two Cuban cigars.
Two Cuban cigars.
And apparently
they're like really
top shelf.
They're called
Cohiba
Edicion
Limitida.
So smoke that shit.
Those are lovely contributions to the brain.
Nice, right?
Yeah.
Did you interview Jesse Ventura?
Yes.
Oh, so that's why you got the book?
Right.
And did you read it from cover to cover before you talked to him?
You know, I actually read two to three pages of that before I talked to him.
Well, I don't imagine any weed book
gets read more than four or five pages.
Especially if it's written by Jesse Ventura.
I just, my throat would get sore
because I would have to read it in his voice.
Yeah, it turns out there's a couple
conspiracy theories involving marijuana.
What?
Yeah, I swear to God.
Before you go ahead
and blame President Nixon
for... etc.
I love that a chapter starts with
before you blame President Nixon.
He starts
in third gear. There's more you need to know about
what happened around
Nixonian times.
It wasn't all his fault.
You know, some of those recordings actually did good things.
Sold a lot of tape.
I have a question for each of you.
It's the same question.
I'll start with Dan because I just talked to him a few days ago so I don't
even know if he squeezed one in
but what was the last movie you saw?
I haven't
squeezed one in. I've been watching Rick and Morty.
But I just got onto it so I can't
act cool. I just got into it.
Yeah, no, it's a thing
I still need to get into.
On the last episode I said unacknowledged.
Before that, it was Baby Driver.
So that was the last movie.
All right.
Yeah.
I was pretty stoned.
It was good.
I don't know.
That's the problem with seeing movies high in your 30s
is I don't know if a movie's good or not.
Because I just enjoyed the experience.
I was like, I ate popcorn
with Sour Patch Kids in it.
And there was cool stunt driving
with fun music.
And beautiful people saying things.
See, all of those are compliments
that you wouldn't necessarily get.
If you saw a movie that was boring as hell
while you were high, I think you'd still be bored.
Yeah, but then I just feel dumb.
I don't think it necessarily makes it fun, you know?
Yeah, that's a fun high
movie, though. Yeah, I was going to say, Baby
Driver might be one that takes it across the finish
line for you. Yeah, no, it's good to be
high during it. Yes. I have been. I
was all six times.
I thought
it was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.
What? It just was filled with
every cliche,
the pack of people
walking towards the camera
in slow motion,
every fucking trope.
Jamie Foxx,
what are you so mad at?
Why is he so mad at the kid?
The kid's a good driver.
Right, but
a getaway driver
needs to be the eyes
and the ears
and he's got music playing in his ears all the time
You're not even sure if he understands what the plan is
Because he's listening to music and staring off into space
While Kevin Spacey
Who was great
Is telling everybody what's going to happen
Well, how else are you going to get a great soundtrack?
everybody what's gonna happen well how else are you gonna get a great soundtrack
I can't believe that that movie made you leap to worst film I've ever seen I was angry because it had been so built up I was angry because I really expected and the worst thing is my son said his
first words were this is the best movie ever yes because it's really good. Doug's my son. I support you,
Greg.
I support you.
Did you see
The Big Sick?
Yes.
No.
What's your complaint
about that?
None.
It was fucking great.
Right.
Yeah.
You know,
also very highly praised
by the critics
of the world.
Well,
what do you think?
I'm oppositional
to every well-reviewed movie?
I'm just saying
that like
a well-reviewed movie tends to be a pretty good movie because it's well-reviewed movie? I'm just saying that a well-reviewed movie
tends to be a pretty good movie
because it's well-reviewed by people
who all they do is watch movies
and they're tired of cliches
and I think that the movie turns so many cliches on its head.
On its head is a cliche.
It turns cliches on its dick.
But I hear what you're saying
And if you guys want to bash the movie
It's great
There's probably lots of podcasts
Where you could do that
But on this podcast
Baby Driver's the best movie ever made
I agree
Actually, I get it now
I get it
Joe, you didn't like it
I didn't see it
Well, because once I found out It wasn't a movie about A baby limousine driver Joe you didn't like it I didn't see it because well because
once I found out
it wasn't a movie
about a baby
limousine driver
voiced by Alec Baldwin
I was like
well fuck this movie
I'm not seeing this shit
that would have been
a cool movie
legitimately my
girlfriend
when I was telling her
I was like
I'm gonna go see
I'm gonna get high
and go see Baby Driver
she thought
I was talking about Baby Boss.
Boss Baby.
Boss Baby.
So in her head, she was like, who the fuck am I dating?
I'm about to go get stoned and watch this baby cartoon.
Yeah!
I still got it.
Honey, I'm going to get high.
I'm going to do Samara and watch Secret Lives of Pets.
Yeah.
I just want to go hang with some kids while I'm going to do Samara and watch Secret Lives of Pets. I just want to go hang with some kids
while I'm ripped.
What if you saw Boss Baby and then after
she was like, did you like it? And you're like,
it was every fucking trope in the world.
A baby running a company.
The baby's smart
when the parents aren't around.
Dumb when they are around.
I don't think
that's how that one works. I think everybody sees that he's smart. I don't think that's how that one works.
I think he's just,
everybody sees that he's smart.
I haven't seen it though.
And I love Alec Baldwin's voice
in anything,
but coming out of that baby,
it just doesn't make any sense.
Why would a baby whisper?
Yeah, it's just sad. Why would a baby whisper? Yeah, it's just
sad. Why would a baby's natural speaking
voice be whispering?
This baby has horrible throat polyps.
He's going to have terrible...
Did anybody see Baby Bob Boss Baby?
No. You saw it?
You did? Did he talk in the Alec Baldwin
the whole time? Yeah. He's like, listen, I'm a
baby.
Does he ever cry like a baby?
Yeah.
He does?
And that's like,
but then he goes back to this.
I guarantee there was a Gary Glenn Ross reference,
wasn't there?
Did he do a fucking Milks for Closers?
God damn it.
He has fucking disgraced.
He has disgraced the majesty of that character
in that speech of Glen Derrick and Ross.
He has done it in so many fucking sketches.
Well, we just found it on the lower level.
It's not his to do.
He didn't write it.
I agree.
It's the same thing Travolta did
with the Danny Zuko character from Grease.
Did he really?
Or are you doing it?
Always Grease with you, Greg.
Always Grease. I can't tell if you're serious you're just doing a call
back i was just doing a call back
that's the first of four tonight
sorry joe's off track is all revved up about that glenn glary glenn ross
pirating because you don't do that that's shitty. Greg's being paid by Paramount
because there's like a Grease reissue coming up.
Also,
there's going to be as many references
as possible.
I got chills.
They're multiplying.
Ting-tang,
walla-walla,
bing-bang.
Here's my Question for Joe
DeRosa
It's the same one
Last movie you saw
I saw
It
On Tuesday
Oh
Shh
It
Yeah
I can't believe
It
Yeah
Let me tell you
What are you gonna say
Are you going to spoil
it?
No, but I will say that it
sucked. No.
Shit. It.
It sucked. Really? Yeah.
Well, because you want to take a book
that's about a monster
that feeds on horrible
hatred and fear and then make a
movie about it and take out any trace of racism.
Or homophobia.
Or anti-Semitism.
Or slut shaming.
Or fat shaming.
Or any of the things that made the kids the losers club.
That made them bond together.
That made the monster powerful.
They turned it into Stranger Things.
It was fucking stupid.
It was five kids fighting a monster.
And they were kind of nerds.
Like, that was it.
That was...
It had no balls to it.
The miniseries is better.
The miniseries is scary.
Joe hits with individuals
harder than anybody on this show.
Joe strikes a chord
in individuals.
And that's always been
my comedy philosophy.
If I can just reach one of you,
I did my job.
Public school children over here.
Inspirational public school teacher.
Dangerous minds.
I'm going to change the kids.
Just fucking
lean on me. But honestly,
like the miniseries had more of
like, they just
took all the stuff out of it. I was like,
this doesn't make sense. But then they'll show a kid,
they'll show a four-year-old get his arm bitten off,
but they won't call the fat kid fat?
It's like, what is this?
What do they call him?
I don't get what the vetting is for this.
They're like, you're trying, so...
No, they just beat him up,
but they'll never be like,
they never say like, we don't like you because you're fat,
but that was the whole point of the book.
That was the best part about getting beat up
when you were a kid
is the explanation.
Like you smell,
you're like,
all right,
I can work on that.
You got a big head,
I can't change that.
If you take the specificity
out of it,
then you're just
like any other kid.
I'm watching the kids,
I'm like,
I don't feel bad
for any of you.
This happened to all of us.
We all got an H
carved in our stomach.
But Joe, how did you feel about Stranger Things?
Because it wasn't based on a Stephen King thing.
It was just its own thing.
I liked Stranger Things quite a bit when I saw it.
I saw it very, very early on before everybody tweeted about it 17 times a day.
You got Netflix early?
I got, yeah.
Six bucks a month
back then.
Dude, I was in
Stranger Things
way before
everybody was in
Stranger Things.
But I think
Stranger Things
is really good
and they're saying
it is like a
Stranger Things
but a movie
and so that to me
is appealing.
That's not it.
Well, first of all,
the farther I get
from Stranger Things
the less I'm enamored by it.
Is knowing the source material
your big problem though? Do you think you would
have enjoyed it if you didn't go into it hoping
for racism?
I think...
I mean, you really feel
like you're rooting for racism.
I know what you mean.
No, it's...
Here's the thing.
Stranger Things is, whether you like it or not,
is very derivative of many great works.
That's fine.
It's okay.
I like Stranger Things.
But don't, my friend said it best.
He goes, I really wish the movie It wasn't based on Stranger Things,
which was based on the book It.
It's like they took something derivative
of the original source material, and then
they made the new thing
that, and it's just not interesting.
And then, just from a horror standpoint,
you can only take so many clown
jumping out moments before you're like,
I'm not fucking scared of this clown anymore.
Yeah, and there's two or three of them in the trailer,
so you could almost be like, well, I'm good.
The scariest one is in the trailer.
Yeah, when he comes out all shaky and weird.
I thought the scariest one is when he's in,
the girl turns in the bathroom
and he's like up on the ceiling.
So it was just odd.
It was odd choices.
It's like you won't show that the one kid
gets like anti-Semitic treatment from people
and that sucks for him and that's why he's hurt.
But you'll heavily influence that the dad
is fucking his own daughter. I didn't understand why they kept certain elements and why they took
other ones out. And I just thought it was very uneven. And they also ruined the Richie
character with that Stranger Things kid. They're like, oh, he's the funny one. Just make him
say fuck the whole movie. And it gets to like a Joe Pesci level of fucks.
He's helping the clown out going Charlie M Charlie M
pop your eye out of your socket for that prick
at one point he gets startled
and he goes Jesus fuck
and I was like what 10 year old talks like this
you fucking Jesus clown
fuck your mother
what are you still doing
he's surprised at things 10 year olds say
I don't know Doug I don't hang around 10 year olds like you do He's surprised at things 10-year-olds say.
I don't know, Doug. I don't hang around 10-year-olds like you do.
I do.
You know, who else am I going to sell to?
Gotta make my side money.
Greg, what was the last movie you saw?
If it's it, we could just
move on.
No reason to talk about it.
I'm going through. My son
is 16 and he just broke his wrist
yesterday. So we spent
the day watching movies.
Movies that you can't masturbate to?
Movies that you can?
Can't. Can't? Because his wrist
is broken. Ah. Look, when you're 16, you don't need a good wrist. Can't? Because his wrist is broken. Ah.
Get it?
Look, when you're 16,
you don't need a good wrist
to jerk off.
You don't need to worry about that.
You just breathe on it.
You're coming.
You just rub it against the sofa.
It's fucking awesome.
You just blow yourself,
is what they're saying.
Yeah.
It's also so new,
I bet you'd go with a broken wrist.
Yeah.
They're like,
this is still so much fun.
Yeah.
You'd go with a broken wrist.
Yeah, yeah. Those ends of the fingers hanging out of broken wrist. Yeah. They're like, this is still so much fun. Yeah. You'd go with a broken wrist. Yeah, yeah.
Those ends of the fingers
hanging out of the cast.
Tip job.
It's a tip job.
Yeah.
Just out of curiosity.
And I just hear him
yelling from his room,
I got vikin in dick.
Told him only to take one.
Was his wrist broken
through an incident
involving racism?
It was, as a matter of fact.
Yeah.
You should see the black eye.
The black eye that your child has.
The black eye.
Oh, you thought I said black eye.
Yeah, black eye.
Oh, okay.
So anyway, I am getting to watch movies that I loved from my childhood with my son now.
So we watched Blues Brothers yesterday.
Nice.
And what a fucking great soundtrack that is.
And I remember once somebody described, oh, Bob Odenkirk was making fun of the Blues Brothers
and what they did to the blues and called it asshole blues when white guys do the blues.
But my argument is they introduced me white guys do the blues. But my argument is,
they introduced me to a lot of blues.
I went up and looked up,
you know,
a lot of blues people.
Buddy Lee Hooker?
Actually, I think it was John Lee Hooker
who was in that movie.
Oh yeah, John Lee Hooker.
Buddy Lee Hooker is a stuntman.
What about Cab Calloway?
Yeah.
Cab Calloway, of course.
Cab Calloway, James Brown is in the movie, Aretha Franklin.
The lineup of musical acts throughout the movie, it's incredible.
It's incredible.
It's the most everything you could put into one movie ever.
It's not a laugh riot, but there's always something interesting going on.
Yeah, and it's just shit like his ex-wife would blow up a building they were in,
and they would crawl out of the rubble and stand up and then just look at their watches and go,
oh, we've got to get to work by 9.
And not mention they were just fucking.
Yeah, they were cool with it because that's what happens when you're at the Blues Brothers
is women try to kill you all the time.
You're like, well, what are you going to do?
Women.
Yeah.
Twiggy wants to fuck Dan Aykroyd.
Chicago.
Well, you know, when he makes the play for her,
you don't know where that's going to go.
Yeah.
But it turns out she really was going to meet up with him.
Yeah.
But he was on a mission from God.
He was on a mission from God.
Yeah.
So he has sex with that girl.
He doesn't end up with Blues Balls?
How long were you waiting
for that one?
I really thought...
Were you like,
let it cook a little bit more
and then watch me drop this ball?
Doug said it seven times.
Everybody applauded
like he was a genius.
I thought that you were
going to like the blues balls, Joe.
It's his show.
God damn it. Yeah. You know's his show. God damn it.
Yeah.
You know my gift bombs?
God damn it.
Baby Driver stinks.
It was a great movie.
I thought you said Mini Driver stinks.
I'm a fan of hers.
She's good.
But Blues Brothers, oh my God.
The insane amount of cars
That they crashed
Yeah
Crazy
The insane
The mall
The insane mall sequence
They're just driving through a mall
You know that mall
Was actually about to be
It was a shut down mall
It was shut down
They were gonna destroy it
And they bought it
For like a dollar
And then they just
Fucking ran car chases
Through the mall
I can't be in a mall
Without saying
Disco pants and baby clothes
This mall has everything
New Oldsmobiles are here I can't be in a mall without saying disco pants and baby clothes. This mall has everything.
New Oldsmobiles are here.
It's so good.
It's so ridiculous. And the opening sequence where Blushi's about to get out of jail.
And just this weird depressing shots of factories and prisons.
The movie's all over the place
and that's what I love about it.
John Landis. It's really great.
Genius. And then Spielberg
making an appearance. Yeah, yeah.
He's at the very end. He's the one
that takes the money.
Takes the money and then
what's that thing called where you go...
Notarize. He notarizes it.
I don't think that's what that thing's called.
Rubber stamp?
Close enough.
He stamps that shit.
Yeah.
Wow.
And then they cut to the wide shot,
and there's like 50 people with guns
trained on the Blues Brothers.
Spoiler!
Did you watch Blues Brothers 2000?
Sometimes referred to as the Phantom Menace
of the Blues Brothers franchise. No, as a matter
of fact, I showed him Godfather 1 and 2,
didn't show him 3. He asked for
it because I have the trilogy in a box set.
I said, you're not watching it. No, I think 3's
good. Really? Yeah, I think 3,
I think if you separate
Jerusalem over 3.
Are you purposely picking the most difficult
route on this show?
I'm not saying it's as good as 1 and 2, but I think it does bring closure to the story.
And I think the Andy Garcia character is great.
And I find it very interesting that the premise of 3 is his life's blood is to become legitimate and protect his family.
And in the midst of doing that, he sinks to the lowest level and he loses his entire family.
I think that's a very fitting end.
It was also not supposed to be called Godfather 3.
It was supposed to be called
The Death of Michael Corleone
because they thought it was not a sequel.
It was an epilogue to the story
and the studio made them call it Godfather 3.
So once you know that,
it kind of reframes it just a little bit.
It does nothing.
It makes a shitty movie great.
That movie sucks.
What if I told you this shit was called poop?
Can I tell the audience the thing you said about...
That's much cuter.
Can I tell the audience,
remember we were in that bar in New York
and we were talking about how Ron Howard
took over the Han Solo movie?
Yeah, I don't remember any of this.
I can't wait to hear what I had to say about it.
I was excited about the Han Solo movie and you go, I can't believe they fired those I had to say about it. We were talking about it.
I was excited about the Han Solo movie we were talking about.
And you go, I can't believe they fired those Lego movie guys.
They're brilliant.
And I said, well, dude, I mean, look, I think they're great.
But they apparently were trying to turn it into a comedy.
So now they got Ron Howard to bring it back down to earth.
And you go, oh, then he'll be perfect then if his job is to take the humor out of the movie.
You're amazing.
You remind Little Jeezy about his lyrics and Doug about his joke.
It's too short.
Too short.
Too short.
Little Jeezy.
And neither of them remember the things they said.
That was really funny when you said that.
Well, thanks, dude.
Yeah.
It was a magical night.
It was the magic show night.
Yeah, we went and saw In and Of Itself in New York.
And if anybody listening has a chance to see that show, it's mind-blowing.
You still think about it sometimes, don't you?
I do.
And I followed him on Twitter.
And ever since then, for some reason, every pop-up ad on my computer is In and Of Itself.
Like, non-stop.
But there are worse pop-up ads.
But it's an amazing show.
There are worse things I could do. If you've got to pick a pop-up ads. It's an amazing show.
If you've got to pick a pop-up ad, it's not a bad one.
Look, I knew the story was going nowhere.
I started scrambling to get out of it.
Alright, Greg.
I'm excited that you're up to Grease reference number three.
Really hope
you make it.
Hope you get there.
Might be an answer to one of the questions.
Turn the show off, Bert, because it's time for me to say,
let the games begin!
Gentlemen, there are name tags from which you can choose.
Some pretty good ones, and then that one over there.
And just go select go grab
the one you want to play for and bring it back to your seat Wow Joe goes right
to the front row what is this no ads in this episode because this episode is the
exclusive stitcher premium episode can only be heard that way. So we have to sit through this arduous part of the process
and wait for everybody to pick a name tag.
Well, that ended pretty quick.
You don't have to roll it up.
We're going to want to see it.
All right.
What do you got, Greg Fitzsimmons?
I got here Frost Pre-98, low light.
White Widow.
White Widow?
Yeah.
Okay.
Dude, what a great move.
What an ankle gun moment.
He's like, I got weed.
Yeah, I'll play for you.
Is your name on it here somewhere?
No.
No.
No.
Dude, I know exactly
who you were in school.
You were the guy that you pulled out the paper out of
your pant pocket. You go, I got paper.
You got a pen?
He goes, can I borrow a pen?
Yeah, I nailed it. Awesome.
That's a great container.
Thanks for bringing it for your name tag
what's your name
Dylan
Dylan okay
Doug it accidentally
opened up and fell
in your pocket
wait the weed
from there
fell into my pocket
yeah it's in your
left pocket
wow that's fantastic
oh alright
can't believe
I'm so lucky
did you pick it
because you wanted
the weed
no I just figured
this would be a good conversation piece.
I'm going to have some great conversations
with that weed.
Who are you playing for, Joe?
Well, I picked Indy Donna Jones
and the Temple of Doom
for two reasons.
Amazing poster. Great poster.
Three reasons. Number two, I like
Indiana Jones. Number three, I like
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
because I will continue to
dig my grave tonight.
I liked the movie.
I saw it six times in the
movie theater. I'm not exaggerating.
It also came with these chocolate coins that Jewish
people give one another
because somewhere in history a Jewish man said,
How can I make money even better?
What if you could eat it?
Why are you trying to give them to me?
I don't want them. I'm on a diet.
And I don't smoke weed.
You took the weed. I thought these were for you.
No, no. I mean, this was bribery to get you to pick the name tag. Oh, well, eat that after you smoke the weed. I thought these were for you. No, no. I mean, this was bribery to get you to pick the name tag.
Oh, well, eat that after you smoke the weed.
You want some chocolates, right?
It's usually the best chocolate in those coins.
Yeah, the chocolate that comes in a salami net.
That's my answer.
Tends not to be the best.
Baby bell chocolate.
I love it.
Who you got there, Dan?
I got Dean Wolf.
He's got an awesome Teen Wolf poster with your face on it.
Very well done.
Yeah, it's incredible.
Yeah, it's like a real movie poster.
He put effort into it. Yeah, you got to a real movie poster. He put effort into it.
You know, you gotta pick it.
The rest of you guys get it, right?
We're still cool?
Okay.
I like we as much as the next guy.
You can just throw it on the ground.
Okay.
Yeah.
I saw...
Good job making it.
I saw Teen Wolf a couple years ago
with an audience in a theater
and it held up pretty good.
It's still pretty solid.
Big Jay brought up a great scene
that I forgot about that's super homophobic
where he's trying to tell Stiles
he's a Teen Wolf
and he's like,
hey, I'm something.
He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're not going to tell me you're a fag, are you?
And he's like, no, no, no, no. I'm a wolf. Yeah, Stiles is like, hey, I'm something. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not going to tell me you're a fag, are you? Yeah.
And he's like, no, no, no, no.
I'm a wolf.
Yeah, it sounds like, oh.
Yeah.
All right.
That's how, it's like a super out of like,
it's like real homophobic.
The funniest scene.
Yeah, because I mean, a teenage boy,
when somebody says, like, it makes perfect sense.
Like, it's the kind of shit that's missing from it.
Yes. Because everyone's so worried that like, realism and how people truly are
is going to be thought of as being racist or sexist or homophobic.
Yeah, but the reaction's like, oh, thank God, you're a werewolf.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, I'm sure it's bad.
But it's also of a time,
and it's also where they were more open about saying that.
How did you think a guy named Stiles
was going to react?
You know what? I accept your lifestyle.
Now you want to go
van surfing? The scene with the coach
is the funniest scene in the movie.
What is that? Three things in life?
The basketball coach, my favorite aspect of that scene is
he's eating straight from a bucket of KFC while he's chewing gum.
And he doesn't stop chewing the gum to eat the fried chicken, which is very, very funny to me.
But then, yeah, the three tips.
I got three.
What's he saying?
He goes, never play cards against the guy with the same first name as the city.
Always get 12 hours of sleep.
And never date a woman with a rose tattoo.
On her neck or something?
On her breast.
He goes, you do those three things, the rest of the life will be cream cheese.
Which I've never heard before or after.
This is cream cheese.
It's so funny.
It's such a weird
bit for that movie
too.
Someone got that
in the writer's room
and was like,
yeah.
That's what I mean.
It's a fun and
funny movie.
People should check
it out despite
its homophobia.
It's one burp.
It's one hiccup.
What did you think
of Teen Wolf 2?
Oh, Bateman.
Starring Jason Bateman,
the man we thought
we'd never see again after that movie.
And he really made a comeback.
Yeah, he did all right after that.
Yeah, he came back swinging.
He got through it, but it's not good.
It's terrible.
I haven't seen it in a minute.
The plot is Jason Bateman goes to college, and he's the cousin.
And then the dad shows up to be like, you're also a werewolf.
It was so obviously written for Michael J. Fox.
And Michael J. Fox was like,
get that piece of shit out of my fucking office right now.
You're like, well, the guy from the Hogan family
would probably do it.
I'm going to count to five.
And you're going to leave my office.
All right, you guys.
Let's play some games.
Starting with...
Which one? How about Alex and Jason's, Dave's, and Steve's? All right, you guys. Let's play some games. Starting with...
Which one?
How about Alex and Jason's
Dave's and Steve's?
Alex's, Jason and Deb's
IMDb game.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Everybody's got a top four,
best known for on their IMDB page
I'll start reading
Somebody's
Dan played this the other day
How'd you do with this the other day Dan?
I took a fucking beating
It's gonna get real bad
You gotta buzz in with your own name when you think you know who the actor or actress is
But also keep in mind
That if you get in early and you're wrong
Negative one point.
When you say buzz in with your own name, just say your own name.
Yeah, you want to practice it?
Greg.
Fucking killed it.
I also like the calmness in your voice because usually people are a little bit more excited playing the game.
But if you buzz in
like that, Greg,
I'll be very proud of you. I took some of
my son's Vicodin.
I'm not kidding.
It's 30 of them. He's not going to eat fucking 30
Vicodin.
And whenever you get in with the correct
answer, then you get bonus points
because you can name
other movies that are in that person's
top four. It's worth
extra points.
Games were
this complicated when you were on
before, Craig.
Joe, how are you
going to buzz in?
Joe.
Because that's the rule, right?
You know what?
I'm going to yell my last name.
DeRosa!
Oh, I like it.
Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
Neat.
All right.
Dan?
I'm going to go full name.
Dan Soder.
I like the way
all of you guys play.
It's going to be
really interesting.
Who's top four on IMDb?
Starts with Saving Private Ryan.
Greg.
Now, Greg, I should point out to you
that there's many actors in Saving Private Ryan,
so you're taking quite a risk coming in this early.
But let's see what you got.
Tom Hanks.
Incorrect.
I mean, of course he was in that movie.
But he's not the actor or actress we're thinking of right now.
Negative one point for you.
Jesus.
Just like that.
Yeah, yeah.
That's how I'm gonna do you.
You got done, son.
Okay, wait out
till the next round, Greg,
because it's just between Dan and Joe
now. Lifelong
rivals.
Spurs.
The second title is Blackhawk Down.
DeRosa.
Ed Burns.
Incorrect.
Dance Hunter.
Wow, you could have heard another name, but...
No.
You're ready to go.
I want to go down with the ship.
Call me a musician on the Titanic because want to go down with the ship.
Call me a musician on the Titanic because I'm going down
with the ship. Wait, just to clarify,
this strategically could
be that he wants the chance to name
the other two for the extra four. Sure.
Thank you, Greg. I don't think he's...
I planned the entire
time.
Alright, who is it?
Tom Sizemore. That is correct.
Retention.
He's in Saving Private Ryan?
Yeah, he's in the platoon.
Who does he play in it?
The guy on Coke?
The guy who keeps talking about hookers?
His other four popular movies?
Ah, fuck.
Two, you just need two more.
Just two more.
Yeah, we've named two already.
So just say two Tom Sizemore classics to some more and one more celebrity rehab yeah that does not count.
I don't know.
I give up.
All right.
That's fair.
You get a point for heat.
Yes.
And then natural born killer.
Of course.
That's great.
So Dan's got two points.
Joe has no points. And then also Greg Fitzsimmons is here.
Ready for a comeback.
Please let the next movie be Grease.
Just to send Greg in a tailspin.
Especially if you guess it.
Who's best known for
number one
out of the four
Saving Private Ryan?
Greg.
Oh, shit.
Here he goes again.
This time it's obviously Tom Hanks
Incorrect
See strategically I figured I could name the other three
Tom Hanks movies
That would also be tough to pull off
Because he's been in a lot of movies
Big
The second title He's been in a lot of movies. Big.
The second title.
She's the one. Deroza!
Ed Burns.
Edward Burns is correct.
Maybe two more Ed Burns classics.
Brothers McMullen.
And?
Maybe two more Ed Burns classics.
Brothers McMullen and...
Old Burns, he doesn't really do big films.
Come on.
The fuck else? What?
Jesus Christ.
Just name anything else he was in.
He's the husky voice dude.
Yeah, I know.
He did Brothers McMullen he's the husky voice dude yeah I know he did
Brothers McMullen
and the sequel
Brothers McMullen 2000
I think he's made
more movies
with some of the same people
but
yeah and She's the One
was one of them
but this was something
called Sidewalks
in New York
I've never heard of it but you do get a point for Brothers McMullen the one was one of them. But this was something called Sidewalks in New York.
I've never heard of it.
But you do get a point for Brothers McMullen.
So now Joe has two points and Dan has two
and Greg is with us.
And Greg is
very excited
to jump in
probably way too early again
on this next round.
Who's best known for
saving Private Ryan?
It's just the law of averages at this point, dude.
Run it out in stars, dude.
It doesn't roll over
the next round.
I say burn it to the ground.
Tin cup this shit.
Greg.
Can I just say one more name?
Could you just wait
for one more name?
No, because then I lose
an opportunity
to name the other three Tom Hanks movies.
It's such a risk for such a little reward.
And I know that because I'm the star of Billions.
I just wish you'd wait for one more name.
It wouldn't help me.
I'm not very good at this.
All right.
Who do you think it is?
I think it's Tom Hanks.
No.
No.
I was really hoping that you would jump in
so confident after the second title,
because the second title is The Green Mile.
What?
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Savvy Pride Ryan, The Green Mile.
You guys want the third one?
Yeah.
True Grit.
And the fourth title,
25th Hour.
Spike Lee joint.
There's three people in 25th Hour.
This guy's one of them.
Like there's a big lady character.
Dan Soder.
Dan, who is it?
Barry Peppers.
That is correct. Yeah. Wait, what'd you say? Barry Peppers? Incorrect. Dan Soder. Dan, who is it? Barry Peppers. That is correct.
Yeah.
Wait, what'd you say?
Barry Peppers?
Incorrect.
Barry Pepper.
Barry Pepper.
Correct.
Barry Pepper.
Correct.
Barry Pepper.
He played, yeah.
Who the fuck is Barry Pepper?
He was in that movie 61
about Roger Maris
and Mickey Mantle.
He was in
a lot of knock around guys.
He's always very good,
but he's a real chameleon
so that's why
you probably don't know
who he is.
Is he an African American
gentleman?
No, white guy.
Totally white.
Barry Pepper.
I thought he was
like a soul singer
from the 60s.
Bam!
Thank you St. Louis.
I've been Barry Pepper.
He's been the spices.
And now your headliner,
Janine Garofalo.
All right, so Dan wins that game with three points.
Congratulations, Dan.
I want to thank Barry Pepper.
Let's do the tiebreaker, though,
just for fun.
All right.
Ready?
Yeah.
You ready, Greg?
Yeah. S ready, Greg? Yeah.
Saving Private Ryan.
Dude, if you don't,
I will.
You can't,
you don't lose points
this time.
Greg.
It doesn't even matter.
It doesn't even matter anymore.
Greg.
What is it, Greg?
Tom Hanks?
No.
That's fucking bullshit.
He's the biggest star in the movie.
Dan Soder.
Yeah.
Matt Damon.
No.
This is just for Joe.
Snatch.
Get shorty. Dennis Farina?
stop it's my turn
I don't think he's in it
it was all Joe why did you do that
Dennis Farina
we gotta say fucking private fucking right
you're telling me I gotta go all the way
into God knows where France
just cause some guy's brother's not good at war.
This cocksucker never should have got himself captured then.
I think this family needs to be wiped off the map.
Oh, that'd be an awesome movie.
Holy shit.
See ya, Dennis Farina.
Rest in peace.
Neglecting Private Ryan
starring Dennis Farina.
I'm not going all the way over there.
You're telling me
you want me to go into the
Nazi territory just to
save some kids. I'll tell you what i'll bring
you private ryan when you suck him out of my dick okay get out of my face wait what's the fourth
movie because i'm wondering i want to try to figure this out this is a tv show law and order
what wow jesus christ i have no idea it's dennis farina what do you mean what do you mean you don't
have any idea it's who's Farina in Saving Private Ryan?
What?
He's the one that doesn't want to save him.
No, he's not.
Dude, I'm too high for you to do this to me right now.
I know.
I can't tell you to do it.
If I just make something that's already happened,
I think my brain will start leaking out of my ears.
Dennis Farina's in Saving Private Ryan.
Is he really?
Yeah, yeah.
He's no Paul Giamatti or Ted Danson, but he is in it. Ted Danson is in Saving Private Ryan Is he really? He's no Paul Giamatti or Ted Danson
But he is in it
Ted Danson is in Saving Private Ryan
Yes he is
You need to revisit Saving Private Ryan
If you plan to play in trivia games
I just so confidently did that
Did you know Vin Diesel's in it?
I did know that
And I remember Ted Danson plays the army
Oh you know who else is in it? Tom Hanks
That's not funny I mean I try Okay, good. And I remember Ted Danson plays the army. Oh, you know who else is in it? Tom Hanks.
That's not funny.
I mean, I try.
Here's your weed back.
Thanks, man.
You're welcome.
This next game, and the only thing anybody won in that game, by the way, is getting to go first in the next game.
That's all Dan won.
And I'm very happy about that.
We tied, didn't we?
Oh, no, you won. Yeah, he won.
Goddamn right.
Clean start.
And then he got bonus points for the Dennis Farina
impression. I really
did not know he was in that movie, so I was
confidently like, how crazy would that be? And then I feel
like such an asshole he's in the movie. I'm going to be very upset
that my premise with those
legs and the points go to Dan.
Because it was my idea. I think you rewind the tape. I don't think that's right. Rewind the points go to Dan because it was my idea.
I think you
rewind the tape.
I don't think that's
I don't think that's right.
Rewind the tape.
I think the premise
got kicked up
when the fucking
voice started, Joe.
I think I went there
in character.
I'm the one that said
neglecting Private Ryan
which I thought
was very good.
Because I think
I hit with the first
punchline
which was
you want me to go
save a kid
whose brothers
aren't good at war?
But then I said but then he shouldn't have got himself captured.
I don't know.
Why are we fighting like this?
We're so much together when we're...
I know, I know.
We're like Simon and Garfunkel.
You're winning.
You're winning, and I hate it.
All right.
All right.
Speaking of Simon and Garfunkel.
Sounds of silence.
We're going to play Last Man Stanton.
People love it.
This is where we get the name of an actor or actress
from a pre-selected audience member
that I found on Twitter
who's insisting they have a great name
for this game.
And we take turns, starting with Dan,
then we'll go to Joe, then to Greg,
and then to me,
because I play along.
We're going to name names.
We're going to name movies.
Name names.
Of the movies these people have been in.
And by people, I mean we're going to get two names.
And each of you guys can go to your lifeline once,
and your lifeline is the person whose name tag
or container of drugs you chose.
Oh, fuck.
I got the pothead.
It'd be great if you go to it when he just goes,
I remember that, though.
I remember that movie
Where is Martha Haberman?
Front row
How you doing?
I'm good
Very excited
I think you wrote to me yesterday
Saying you had a good name
She's like
That must be a damn good name
She's bothering me
A whole day early
Who is it? Who do you got Martha? Johnny Depp John damn good name. She's bothering me a whole day early.
Who is it?
Who do you got, Martha?
Johnny Depp.
John C. Depp.
Very good.
And then where is someone in the audience named Z-Prov?
Hey, what's up?
What's up?
I mean, I think Johnny Depp would be
enough with this panel. I think we'd be able
to make that last pretty long.
But let's go ahead and hear another name from you.
Roger Moore.
Roger Moore, the late Roger Moore.
Son of a bitch.
Yeah, that degree of difficulty got kicked up.
Right, but Johnny Depp.
Yeah.
All three of us could name, I mean, most of us could name
ten Johnny Depp movies.
And it doesn't have to be...
Okay, so it doesn't have to be movies Johnny Depp and Roger Moore
are both in.
No, no. That's the game.
Thanks for coming, everybody.
There is no movie that has both of them.
I can confidently tell you that.
Unless Roger Moore walked in as some sort of porcupine in Rango.
All right.
All right, start us off, Dan.
The films of either Johnny Depp or Roger Moore.
This, of course, is just between the four of us on stage.
Please don't try to help us out until the end
when I ask for audience suggestions
of what we missed. Dan?
Edward Scissorhands.
Woo!
Thanks, Dean.
Trying to win it.
Woo!
I guess that movie's
not really the classic that
we might imagine.
Tim Burton's in the back like, god damn it.
Octopussy.
Okay.
Johnny Depp.
What's eating Gilbert Grape?
Turns out what's eating him
is that he has a mentally handicapped brother
and a fat mother.
Can't say fat.
You can't say mentally handicapped.
He's mixed up Gilbert Grape and Benny and June.
He's got both of them.
Hey, dude.
Oh, my turn. Benny and June.
Oh, shit. Sorry.
I literally forgot we were playing a game.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
Dan?
21 Jump Street.
Oh, yeah. Makes a nice little cameo in there.
Joe?
A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Oh, the old
waterbed scene.
Yeah. It's not a waterbed.
It's a blood fountain.
Before and after, Joe.
Before and after.
I don't think he bought that bed.
He's like, can I get the blood fountain bed?
The waterbed scene is in part four.
Thank you very much.
Dead man.
Nice.
That's a good one for Johnny Depp
I would have
probably saved that one
for later if I were you
I don't understand
how the game works
I thought we just
named movie titles
we do but
oh just any movie
at all
that you've managed
to hit on one
that stars
one of these two
gentlemen
yeah Roger Moore
was in
Dead Man
so in other words you put out the easy ones first I'm, Roger Moore was in Dead Man. So in other words,
you put out the easy ones first.
I'm saying, yeah,
save one like Dead Man.
These assholes aren't going to say Dead Man.
Right.
Wow.
You play it sort of like
you play any other game ever.
All right.
I'm going to go with
Live and Let Die.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Well, I will go with Sleepy Hollow.
Moonraker.
Too obscure? Raker to obscure the spy who loves me
man right I'm trying to go obscure to get it out of the way and I can't remember this one movie
damn it
just so you guys know
if you say one
that's already been said
it's not held against you
you just have to
give another answer
yeah
I can't expect you
to remember all these titles
Pirates of the Caribbean
the name is...
Yeah, I'd probably...
Dead Man's Ship?
I'd probably walk away from,
step back from any of that,
any of those.
Okay, that's too hot.
Ed Wood.
Yeah, that's better.
I'd like to point out,
he called it Pirates of the Caribbean
Dead Man's Ship.
There's no...
I yelled out Ed Wood
and that made everything okay
so everything's okay now.
Well, Pirates of the Caribbean
Dead Man's Chest.
See, I'm setting you up, bro.
Got it.
I remembered.
Did I say Moonraker?
Don't worry, you have a lifeline you can go to.
Hold on, I should be able to get one this morning.
He looks ready.
Alright, Podhead, what do we got?
You got a Dapper or a Roger Moore?
Secret Window.
The Secret Window?
Good call!
Okay.
And which guy was that?
Okay.
I got to see that.
I mean, for all we know, Roger Moore was out in the bushes, peeping through the secret window.
Oh, wait, it's my turn, right?
A view to a kill. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Oh
Alright slow down
It's a good thing they finally made that movie
About you know gave Charlie
The name and the title
Because Willy Wonka he's not interested
What's iconic about him movie about, you know, gave Charlie the name and the title, because Willy Wonka, he's not interested.
What's iconic about him?
Let's make this about the fucking Charlie.
Yeah. Let's focus on the kid who thinks
chocolate is a meal.
Give him those coins.
Charlie would appreciate it.
Charlie would love it.
Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl.
Okay.
I see how you're going to play this game.
Can I go to my lifeline again?
No.
Oh, it's a one-time shot?
Yeah, one-time lifeline.
Now, all you've got to do is think of another.
Johnny Depp's been in 97 feature films.
Roger Moore is a tougher one,
because a lot of his was before our time.
Right.
Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Oh.
That's George Lazenby.
Of course, George Lazenby. Of course, George Lazenby.
Johnny Depp, I'm trying to think of his comedies.
I'm flat out.
I don't have any.
I don't have any I don't have any left
alright
thanks for playing Greg
thank you
am I out of the game?
yeah
unfortunately
wow
that was fast
the guy that
is a professional writer
for HBO
couldn't think of
a Johnny Depp movie
Doug brings me back for this for some fucking reason Johnny Depp movie.
Doug brings me back for this
for some fucking reason.
I don't know.
I really don't know movies.
I keep bringing you in
because one day
I'm going to put together
a perfect panel.
It's going to be
a total newsies reunion.
He's got a hat on.
All right.
Even though we,
even though
I didn't win,
I feel like,
and I'm being serious
and sincere about this.
This isn't at midnight
where the loser
gets to make a speech.
Can I say something?
Sure.
It's just nice
to sit up here
with you guys
because honestly,
we go together
like shamalama
thawamama
people. Number four! guys, because honestly, we go together like Shyamalan and Dada Dada.
Number four!
Thank you.
Oh, shit. Grace for peace.
Good job.
All right, my turn. There's a lot of things happened there
just now.
But I'm going to say
I had a lot of ideas, but I'm going to say I had a lot
of ideas, but I'm going to take
for your eyes only.
The Rum Diary.
Well, I burned it, buddy.
Pirates
of the Caribbean
at World's End
wow
you're really running the table on those
yeah
really proud of you
is that all of them?
nope
that's not it
and I've seen everyone in the theater with my parents
oh god please let you That's not it. And I've seen everyone in the theater with my parents.
Oh, God, please let you... I would love to catch you
and you're wearing a pirate hat.
First birthday, we go see Pirates of the Caribbean.
And we're here.
Speaking of Johnny Depp comedies,
Mordecai.
Whoa.
Couldn't remember the name of that one.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Sweeney Todd.
There's more words in the title than that.
Son of a bitch.
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Crybaby.
Oh, shit.
Thank you.
First applause break of the game.
Pretty happy about that one.
Just to break it up,
Sweeney Todd,
The Demon Barber of Seville.
Oh!
Is that the wrong title? Just to break it up, The Demon of Barber of Seville. Is that the wrong title?
Just to break it up.
All right.
The Demon of Barber Street.
Wait a minute.
Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger Times.
Wouldn't that be wild if he decided to be a barber who kills people because he found a place on Barber Street?
It's too perfect.
I need to kill.
I'm going with on Stranger Tides.
I'm moving in next to Wetzel's Pretzels.
On Barber Street.
What'd you say?
Then I'll go with Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger Tides.
Okay.
What is the...
Yeah, I'm going to say it right now.
Sweeney Todd,
the demon barber of Fleet Street.
Who's the demon barber in Seville?
The barber of Seville
isn't necessarily a demon.
He's just a barber in an opera.
Sounds pretty boring to me. Next to the demon barber. I don't recall what barber in an opera sounds pretty boring to me
next to the demon barber
I don't recall what happens in that opera
because I'm instantly bored by opera
aww
someone in the audience is sad about that
Doug does not love opera
whose turn is it Dan's?
I don't think you use this in the game
so I'm going to use it Rango
yeah right
good move
you're up Joe
where's your pirates now
it's right here
Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales
Joe I just want to apologize
and you just made me walk the plane
you have fun saw that one just three weeks ago Joe, I just want to apologize, and you just made me walk the plank.
We had fun.
Saw that one just three weeks ago.
It's my mom's 70th birthday.
All I can say about you boys is tusk, tusk, tusk. Tusk.
The Tourist with Angelina Jolie.
You don't need to name co-stars, but...
I just wanted to make sure it was that movie
because I was like, man, that could be wrong.
Yeah, no.
Don't forget, you guys each have a lifeline left.
I know.
What is the...
What the fuck is that movie called?
Oh, yeah, that one.
If you could just think of it.
It'd be perfect.
You know what?
I'll...
Yeah, go to your lifeline.
No, wait.
I'm going to wait on the lifeline.
No, I'll go now.
Lifeline.
Go to where now?
Yeah.
Spice World.
Spice World?
Johnny Depp's in that?
Roger Moore's in that.
Yeah.
Spice World. Very nice. Spice that? Roger Moore's in that. Yeah. Spice World. Spice up your life.
Holy shit. Really good.
Very, very good.
Alright.
Alright.
My turn.
The sequel to Tusk.
Yoga Hosers.
That's what I was trying to think of.
I couldn't remember the name of it.
Alright, Dan. You still have Lifeline.
Lifeline, Dean.
Into the Woods.
Into the Woods.
Into the Woods.
Into the Woods.
Dark Shadows.
Oh, okay.
You're so proud of yourself.
Crowd didn't go crazy I was just happy I just like they went to a lifeline then came back with an answer yeah that's that's
strategery. Because sometimes
your lifetime's answer
will like,
if you go to your
lifeline too late,
they're out of answers too.
You get them early,
they might say one
you hadn't thought of.
And you're still in the game.
Feels a little bit like
taking an ambulance
to the hospital
and then walking
the last mile. Oh shit
I thought of one but I didn't think of one
if you know what I mean
I'm going to go to Roger Moore
because I can get away with it
The Wild Geese
Black Mass
Oh yeah
Yes
Yes Black Mass? Oh, yeah. Yes. Oh.
Fucking Whitey Bulge, yeah.
Yes.
You look like a guy that consulted on that movie, Greg.
Yeah.
Listen, Johnny, when you fucking say, ah.
Ah.
Curse of the Pink Panther,
a film in which
Roger Moore portrayed
Inspector Clouseau, who had a
facelift done because Peter Sellers had died.
Wow.
You know what I say to that?
Forget about it, Donnie Brasco!
Fuck!
You know what I say to that?
Forget about it, Donnie Brasco!
Fuck!
Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.
Yeah.
Into the woods! Someone said Betty and June, right?
Mm-hmm.
Damn it.
Got that one over with early.
Damn it.
I don't know,
but I'm gonna say...
Did you use your lifeline?
Yeah, dude. Burnt that one up.
Oh, shit.
You shouldn't have told me that. I would have let you.
Well, now
you say that. That's like when
the cop's like, you shouldn't have lied to me. I wouldn't have
arrested you. Yeah, you were going to.
Fuck.
Oh, shit. I just thought
of another one.
I'm just glad that after 25 minutes since I dropped out
Lone Ranger
Lost in La Mancha.
The Terry Gilliam documentary.
Right.
Yes.
Right.
We're counting documentaries?
Yeah, you know all those documentaries
Roger Moore and Johnny Depp did, right?
Whatever, dude.
I'll see you on the next go-around.
Dude, I got some steamers in my pocket right now.
For Roger Moore, I'm going to say the cannonball run.
God damn it, I was going to say that was one of my steamers.
Oh, man.
You took one of's steamers like a clams cartoon shirt, I don't know what you're doing What we're doing documentaries gonzo the Hunter S Thompson documentary
That's what it's called just gonzo called gon. You sure it's not about a Muppet?
Positive.
All right, this is a deep cut. You ready?
Okay.
Freddy's dead. The final nightmare. Johnny Depp makes a cameo appearance
in the This Is Your Brain on Drugs
nightmare sequence.
Oh.
I don't believe you but okay Roger Moore started a movie
this is rare in the world of cinema where he was the title character whose whose last name started with a lowercase F and it was called folks yeah if if I
met first of all if I made up something like that good on me. He earned it. He earned it.
Because that takes some imagination.
Danny boy!
What do you got?
Is it over?
I'm going to take it easy. I'm just going to fucking, sorry. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm just going to have to yell this out. Are you got? Is it over? I'm going to take it easy.
I'm just going to fucking, sorry.
I'm sorry, Dean.
I'm just going to have to yell this out.
Are you Dan?
Dan?
Are you out of your depth?
Depth?
I like it.
All right.
Room with a, doesn't sound right.
Yeah.
Seems like you're going the wrong way there.
Yeah, me too.
I was just kidding.
I was just testing you out, dude.
All right.
Okay, Chucky's got struck with the spirit.
Dude, if we were in a church tent right now,
everyone would have been like, that was impressive.
Your whole body just got in a wreck.
Hey, you can walk.
I was like scared. I was like, I can't take it anymore. Wow. Ooh, I got one. Your whole body just got an erection Wow
Ooh I got one
Anyway Dan you out?
Oh fuck
Fuck I just got one
Oh I've been out a long time.
Dan Soder's perfect record on the show.
Yeah, I don't need you to say stuff like that.
It's about to come to a close.
Hey, dude.
The crickets are getting louder.
You don't like trivia.
Yeah, dude, I'm out.
Sorry.
Oh, such a valiant effort.
That's the damn Roger Moore.
Joe, what were you so excited about?
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Depp's in that?
Yeah.
Very end, he's in it.
Oh, okay.
I saw that shit. I don't remember him's in it I saw that shit I don't remember the evil kid
turns into him and he's like the wizard
in hiding or whatever at the end
it's a pretty shitty cameo
but you know
kept me alive in this game
you know what movie he's in for the entirety of it
what a movie's in for the entirety of it?
What?
A movie told in real time called Nick of Time.
Yeah, that's right.
What do you got, Joe?
Hold on.
Transference.
Oh, nice.
Baby, we're in the heat of it right now.
Oh, my God.
I'm sweating like a man. We're in the over, it's over of it right now,
because I think I might be able to find one more.
I scanned through the dev archives in my mind,
but it's so tough because we've named so many.
In my mind.
But it's so tough because we've named so many.
I'm just thinking of all his hairstyles.
His eye makeup.
Quit.
Give up.
I think I might.
Do you have another one?
I might, but I don't know if it's correct.
Okay.
Well, in that case, I'm going to say Cannonball Run 2.
That's what I was going to say, but I don't think Roger Moore is in it.
I don't know.
I don't think he's in it.
Honestly, that was my last guess.
But if he is in it, we both win.
Well, I'd rather win. But for our purposes today, you are the winner, Joe DeRosa.
Let's do some plugs.
What do you got coming up, Dan Soder?
I will be in Winnipeg at Rumors Comedy Club,
American Comedy Company in San Diego,
and you can find all my dates at DanSutter.com.
Listen to The Bonfire on Comedy Central Radio,
Sirius XM 95.
Me and Big Jay Overson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Love it.
It's always great when he's on the show
as it is when you're on the show.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah.
Thanks for being here.
Welcome back.
Thanks for being here, dude. Yeah. Thanks for being here, dude.
Yeah, thanks for having me, dude.
Joe DeRosa,
what do you got coming up?
DC Draft House
in Washington, DC
next weekend,
Thursday to Saturday,
through Saturday.
And I have two podcasts,
We'll See You in Hell
on the HeadGum Network
and Emotional Hangs
on Feral Audio. So listen to those if you could all right and
donna gets all the prizes i think we forgot we forgot some congratulations i forgot to plug my
dates greg fitzsimmons greg fitzsimmons who's who still here, who waited out that 25 minutes of gameplay.
Did I lose that bad and I get to plug my dates?
You still get to do plugs just because you waited.
San Francisco Punchline this next weekend.
And then San Diego, the American Comedy Company as well.
And then Cleveland Hilarities, I think the first week of October. FitzDawg.com
for details. And FitzDawg Radio
is the podcast. Very good.
Fantastic. Thank you guys.
Greg Fitzsimmons,
Joe DeRosa,
and Cam Soder.
Very good.
Who do you want
your shit in?
The people that made the new Death Note movie.
Okay, the people that made...
As always.
You're throwing the weed back to the guy?
Yeah.
What kind of...
Yeah, that's the idea, man.
You picked it.
You keep his stupid weed.
Alright, the people that made the remake of Death Note?
Yeah.
It's a terrible movie. It's a remake? Was there an the remake of Death Note? Yeah. It's a terrible movie.
It's a remake?
Was there an old movie called Death Note?
You mean it's an adaptation of an anime?
Okay.
Oh, that's...
Alright.
I hear you.
It's on Netflix or something?
Alright.
So anyway, that's a shithead.
And coming from Canada and not having any weed
is a shame