Doug Loves Movies - Greg Proops, Tig Notaro, and Larry Zerner Guest
Episode Date: November 24, 2010Doug welcomes his comedian friends Greg Proops and Tig Notaro and last year's LA Food Bank charity auction winner Larry Zerner back to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy... and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seats
With 50 ads and popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey everybody Hey, everybody.
My microphone is less hot than, let's say,
oh, this guest's microphone, which is slightly hotter.
This one is just right.
So can we make this one as hot as this one?
I think we did.
Thank you very much.
There was a lot of mic checks going on tonight because
later tonight
my friends at WITStream are doing
a show here at
UCB and
it's going to be, I think it's going to
be on the internet live as it's happening.
Of course, this podcast won't
plop until Friday,
so everyone listening to the podcast is
like, who gives a shit what you're talking
about right now?
My name is Doug, and I love
movies. This is Doug Loves Movies.
And that was Garfunkel and Oates
at the beginning of the show with a
holiday... Yeah!
Give it up for them. They're not here.
That was the pre-recorded
holiday version
of the theme song,
and I think they did a very nice job,
Kate McEuchie and Ricky Lindholm,
and their Garfunkel Oates on Twitter,
if you want to follow them,
and their version of the theme song
will be playing all this month, the rest of this month,
and next, it's November 23rd, 2010,
and we're coming to you from the aforementioned UCB Theater
in front of a live audience.
We'll see any name tags tonight.
What's up with that?
No name tags?
Weird.
All right.
We'll see what happens when we get to the Leonard Maltin game.
I did the Leonard Maltin game on thevin pollock chat show a couple days ago and
you could still download and listen to or look at that or both you could listen and look and that
was a lot of fun i won't spoil it if you haven't heard it yet but leonard malton didn't win again
uh he never wins at the game that's named after him he's like my mind doesn't think that way and my mind
doesn't think that way either I'm glad I'm not playing there's if when the day
this plops I want to say be very clear that there's no Benson interruption on
Comedy Central on that particular night because it's Thanksgiving weekend Black
Friday people after a whole day of avoiding black people they don't want to
uh that's what the day's about right no um at the end of a day of shopping that's so weird
call it okay but at the end of a day of shopping people can't can't handle the interruption there's
two people talking at once it's too too much. So people are tired.
They're like, quit all,
I can't stand all the talking.
I want mime entertainment.
Speaking of which,
December 3rd, that's when we're back,
and Mike Lee and Black does some amazing mime in that episode.
And Thomas Lennon moves around a lot.
And Andy Daly is pretty still.
And those are the three comics
that are going to be on on December 3rd at midnight.
And I'll remind you again next week.
If you're in L.A. this weekend, come down to the Improv on Melrose Boulevard,
either tonight, Friday, November 26th, or tomorrow, November 27th,
for some great shows with some great guests.
Tom Lennon has promised to come by,
another person who's super famous,
a lady who's quite famous,
friends of mine who a couple of them
didn't get a chance to do the interruption this run
are going to be coming by,
three fun-filled shows,
one on Friday, two on Saturday,
and I'm going to interrupt some people,
maybe play Leonard Maltin,
who knows what's going to happen
So come to that
I'll be at Hyenas in Fort Worth December 3-4
And the one in Dallas on December 5
Tampa Improv December 9-12
And there's a special
Marijuana Logs performance at the Gramercy Theater
In New York City at 420
On December 18th
LiveNation.com is where you can go to get tickets
For that Now, every year Comedy Death Ray Does a charity holiday auction on December 18th. LiveNation.com is where you can go to get tickets for that.
Now, every year, Comedy Death Ray does a charity holiday auction
for the L.A. Food Bank,
and this year is no exception.
Starting on November 29th,
you can go see what's up for auction at ComedyDeathRay.com,
and the bidding goes from December 2 through 12.
And I will tell you right now that last year I donated a guest appearance on this very podcast.
And I'd like to bring back the winner of that auction to talk a little bit about this year's auction.
Please welcome entertainment lawyer Larry Zerner, everybody.
People are excited, Larry.
My other two guests I'll bring out in a second if you're back there hang on just a second i should have told them backstage that they weren't all coming out at
the top you should have because i want to zurner aid the audience for a second
i want to get the audience up to speed on larry zurner and what's so great about him
how much did you bid last year? $845. Yes.
And then how much did you ultimately donate
to the LA Food Bank? And then I gave another
$1,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So $18, whatever.
$18.45.
But I matched the $800, right?
Right. And so that's what
I'm going to do again this year, is
the same thing is going to be up for auction.
Be a guest on Doug Loves Movies.
And tell everybody about your experience last year.
Larry.
Yeah, if you're listening to this podcast...
Okay, that's enough.
That was so boring.
Oh, my God.
No, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Didn't mean to interrupt.
That's what I do.
I got to pick the...
Here's some name time.
I got to pick the comics.
Larry was involved in picking the comics.
He's already saying he got to pick them.
It wasn't absolutely up to him.
His top choice was George Carlin, who is dead.
And I don't try to pull that kind of witchy kind of shit.
I didn't want to turn the show into a seance.
We're from Brawn the Grave.
We're here.
Fuck, shit, piss, cunt.
Those are four of the seven words.
You can say piss now, though.
You can.
Yeah.
Okay, go on.
And then I went with the comics
I most wanted to sleep with.
And then I went,
I asked for Posehn,
and you said no.
I didn't say no.
Brian did,
because I said,
this guy, Larry Zerner,
wants to fuck you.
And Brian was like,
I'm going to stay here in the valley tonight
But the guests ended up being
Two comics that you do admire
And had mentioned to me
Maria Bamford and Aziz Ansari
And we did a real show
You thought you might show up and I'd just be like
Here's the winner and you'd go like
And then I'd throw you out
But you participated in the whole thing
Got to hang out backstage with everybody.
The Comedy Death Ray comics came in,
so you met a bunch of them after we were done.
It was probably the best night of your life.
Probably.
And now you're back for more.
Now I'm not saying the winner this year
is going to become a recurring guest
and frequent person in my life,
like Larry has become.
Not everyone is as lovable
and interesting as Larry is.
So take your chances on that.
But the other thing,
I'm going to auction off this here, Larry, and this is
kind of scaring me that I've committed to this,
is I will go see
a movie with a person.
And
with any luck at all, the top bidder will live here
in LA and I just have to go to the Arclight or something.
But if the top bidder is outside of the state
or the city of Los Angeles or the state of California,
I will travel to that person and go see a movie with them
at my own expense.
I won't even ask to sleep on your futon if you win.
So I'm going to bring cameras because I'm. So, I'm kind of,
I'm going to bring cameras
because I'm creating
a whole catfish
kind of situation.
But,
I hope to come back
from that experience alive
and
you'll get to pick the movie
and since you donated
hopefully a lot of money,
you'll also,
you know,
get to watch me pay for you to get in.
That's a really weird way of phrasing that.
I can't read my own writing, so I think I explained it all.
Yeah, so Larry's back on again, and we're excited to have him again.
And I also have two great guests for Larry to participate with tonight
and participate with
you can see them both
soon on the Benson
interruption over
please
welcome my hilarious friends
Tig Notaro and Greg Proops
applause
applause
applause applause come on in, you guys.
Hi, guys.
Hey, Greg.
Just say everything into the microphone.
There you go.
Hi, Larry.
Hi.
So you picked Maria and who?
Aziz.
Aziz Ansari.
But he didn't pick us.
Don't leave.
I think that he...
I think you were on the list, but you were busy.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Yeah, there you go.
We can still get together if you want.
I'm cool.
Thank you for having us.
Larry really wanted you to, and his dream has finally come true.
Because he was stuck with Aziz and Maria last time.
And I wanted to recreate the experience
because Aziz goes to a lot of movies, knows a lot about
movies like Greg Proops. And Maria
not unlike Tig
does not pay attention to motion
pictures.
Or anything. Or anything. Well
Maria pays attention to you know
what's good to buy at Target.
Her commercials are hilarious, by the way.
But Tig,
have you seen a motion picture
since the last time you and I have spoken?
You know, after I got out of my car
and I was walking here,
I was more like,
oh, I wanted to get here on time.
And then I was like,
oh my God,
have I seen a movie since we were in Austin?
And I think I watched one on silent on a plane.
On silent?
You put the headphones on and muted it?
It was just on on a plane.
Right.
And you didn't bother to put on the headphones
what movie was that
I don't remember
I don't know why it didn't make an impact
like the good old days of silent film
I remember following it and feeling
oh I get it, things are going well
for them now
oh okay they're shopping and they're flirting.
Oh, so it was a rom-com.
I think What's-Her-Name was in it.
Oh, yes.
She's good.
She's really good.
What's-His-Nuts there, too?
I think old What's-His-Nuts did make an appearance.
Was the older fellow in it that played the dad?
No, but the guy that looks like him. Michael, what's his nuts, did make an appearance. Was the older fellow in it that played the dad?
No, but the guy that looks like him.
Oh, that guy.
He's in everything.
He is.
Yeah.
Larry, do you have any guesses?
On what movie she saw?
Yeah, yeah.
You could ask her a question if you want.
Was it The Exorcist?
Good question That eliminates the whole genre right off the bat
Ladies and gentlemen
Tonight on a flight
We're going to be playing a classic
That would be awesome
Your brother sucks cocks in hell
Oh that's the same thing TSA was saying to me
30 minutes ago
Or I was saying to them, I should have said.
That was the part where it's like, oh, this is where they're flirting.
He's really turning her head around.
He got into her pants.
Jamming her crucifix into her cooch.
What?
He got into her pants.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, Larry, it's quiet time for you Now
Oh, it's so much fun
See what fun Larry's having, listeners
I love that The Exorcist has flirtation in it
That's a new take on that movie
Yeah
I thought straight up, you know, Catholicism
But I guess it was a little bit flirty
If you think about it
If I went into a room and a girl flew around the room
And landed on her bed upside down
I'd be like, okay
That's an invitation
Yeah, if she pushed you down a staircase
And you broke your neck, you'd be like
She got my attention
Yeah
Thanks for coming, Greg and Tig
We came together
You carpooled?
Yeah
Yeah
Cause your episode of
The Benson Interruption
Is together
Is on December 10th probably
We've been doing
I can't guarantee anything
We've been doing everything together
Since we taped
You just hang out together
Yeah
Yeah
But Brian Fosain
Is on that episode too
And he couldn't be here tonight
Because he didn't want to be.
We haven't been excluding him on purpose.
He's just been busy.
Yeah, he's got stuff to do.
He's got a little kid.
I don't know what else.
I've never bought that, but yeah.
He does.
Kid's name's Rhodes.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
I can't wait till
Till someday
When the kids
Are a little older
Someday
I want to watch
Back to the Future
With him
And at the very end
Just give him a look
When Christopher Lloyd
Says we don't need Rhodes
So
Have you been To the motion pictures lately, Greg?
Or seen one on a plane or Netflix or something?
Yes, I watched one with the sound off on a plane last week.
The one with Robert Duvall and Bill Murray.
Get low.
Get low.
I don't know what the plot is.
I couldn't figure it out from the whole movie without listening.
And then the week before that, I watched...
Robert Duvall has a beard and then he gets shaved
and then he goes into town
and then he's a little cleaner.
So I assume something happened.
I haven't seen it,
but I can tell you what it's about.
About what?
Two hours?
Yeah.
No, it's about,
Robert Duvall plays an old guy
who decides to have his own funeral
while he's still alive
and can appreciate it.
Now it makes sense, right?
No, but,
it made more sense.
You know what I mean?
Because the blowing into town
and acting all crotchety and weird
and then they try to,
I got that they were trying to discover
what his motive was.
Then I saw an Angelina Jolie one
called Salt.
Yeah, what was her motive?
Wow.
I don't know if anyone's seen this one,
but it's pretty wild.
Apparently the Cold War's still on,
and a horrible plot accident occurred right before the movie was made.
And she's a Russian double, no, triple agent,
and I lost interest when Liev Schreiber yelled.
And that was my, I mean, I watched the whole thing.
And like all movies on planes, I fell asleep right before the end,
and then I woke up as the credits were rolling,
but it didn't matter because I figured it out. I must have seen 20 movies on planes. I fell asleep right before the end, and then I woke up as the credits were rolling, but it didn't matter because I figured it out.
I must have seen 20 movies that way.
Especially when all the Ben Affleck movies were on the planes.
The Paycheck? Paycheck? Paystub?
Paycheck.
Paycheck?
He made an action movie.
StubHub. He made a movie called StubHub.
How can you make an action movie?
They're not advertisers of this podcast.
An action movie can't be called Salt or Paycheck.
Shouldn't it be called, you know,
the boom that goes, yeah, or whatever, or, you know.
Right?
Shouldn't it be called, you know,
Knives All Night?
Yeah, you can't have, like, a movie like that
and call it Good Friends.
Right.
Salt and Paycheck.
You gotta be joking.
You know what?
I think the movie I saw was with Drew Barrymore.
Oh, Going the Distance?
No, where she's on roller skates.
Oh, um...
No, she wasn't on roller skates.
Was she in that movie?
I would have said the real answer before I could do my joke answer.
She wasn't in...
You were like, on roller skates, I wanted to go, um...
But then there's no...
Snow White.
Is there a serious Drew Barrymore movie?
She's not even in that, is she?
Because that would have been funny.
If she was in Schindler's List, it would be funny to go, roller skates?
Oh, yeah, Schindler's List.
What was the bitchin' one she was in when there were four girl gumfighters?
Wasn't she in that one?
Oh, yeah, Bad Girls.
Bad Girls.
Yeah, yeah, with Madeline...
That's a good movie.
Madeline Stowe.
Madeline Stowe.
For the longest time, I told people, I'm running into Madeline Stowe.
Do you need anything?
So...
Gosh, we're already almost out of time.
This is crazy how fast it goes,
and it's also crazy that one guy laughed at that.
He's out of time!
Ah!
Ah!
Time!
It's crazy.
I can't believe it.
Maybe he thought I was being sarcastic But I did have something I wanted to say
Oh yeah, falling asleep in movies
I do it routinely
So the person who wins the auction
I'm going to tell you right now
I will fall asleep if you pick a boring movie
I will fall asleep
But when I wake up a few minutes later
I won't say what did I miss
because I'm sleeping
because the movie
is boring
I'm not one of those
people who wakes up
and goes
oh I gotta know
every detail
of when I was asleep
no I wake up and go
oh shit it's still going on
let me try to go back to sleep
so that's what you
that's what you're
gonna have to deal with
if you go with me
to the movies
especially if it's
I don't blame you
if it's supposed to be scary, that really puts me
to sleep. Right. I couldn't stay awake
to it. Scary puts you to sleep? Yeah.
Because it's always just like,
here kitty kitty.
Here kitty kitty.
And I'm like, oh, this person is either
going to die violently, or it's going to
be a near miss, or they're going to find
the cat and go back. Whatever it is,
I don't give a shit i've seen
every variation and it's boring to wait for it i love that a scary movie should be non-stop crazy
shit happening i just love that that's um the horror film to you is here kitty kitty yeah they
always go back for the fucking cat like i thought you're gonna do a horror film or something's on
fire i thought you're gonna say that you fall asleep, like, where you're watching.
Oh, my God!
Oh, yeah, I have scared apnea or something.
Scared apnea.
I don't mean to throw around a lot of medical jargon.
In front of the smartest man in the world,
have you guys been to, on an occasional Wednesday night,
at Bar Lubitsch in Los Angeles?
So tomorrow night, for everyone that's here tonight,
a free show called Smartest Man in the World
that Greg podcasts.
And you essentially get on stage,
and I just prove to everyone
that you're smarter than everyone.
Well, I don't think I have to prove it, but yeah.
I'm there. So it's a lot of fun. Come with your questions that make you think you're smarter than everyone. Well, I don't think I have to prove it, but yeah. So, it's a lot of fun.
Come with your questions that make you think you're smart
and have some cocktails.
There's like a bar.
Oh, yeah.
No, there's drinks.
Going the whole time.
It's fun.
It's not, you know, I don't...
Not that this room's not fun.
Sitting in a box like a Star Trek set is awesome.
This is more like a 20s, I don't know,
like a loose Russian
bar that you'd make an assignation in
with someone that you oughtn't be with.
Which I then
lends it a certain frisson.
And by frisson, I mean rubric.
So there's a lot of that shit
where you just sit there going,
I'm stupid.
Are you going to see the new Harry Potter?
I was going to,
and then I remembered,
I'm cool and old.
So, no, I don't want to be arrested
when I walk in alone into that theater.
Enjoying the show, kids?
Terrific film, isn't it?
Gosh, that little girl's grown up so fast.
And I heard Daniel Radcliffe
did Equus. That means he was naked
in London.
Who's the older fellow?
He seems nice.
Around the time of the third one, I said
Hermione puts
the bra on Abra Cadabra.
But that was really inappropriate.
Now, not so much.
Now it's okay to say it.
Aren't they all college-age now?
Or whatever.
I saw the movie this weekend,
and now I feel so creepy.
Thanks for that, Mary.
This is the one movie I have been waiting to see.
Harry Potter?
Well, let me just say my assessment of it is that,
and this won't make any sense to you because you don't see movies,
but it's the Empire Strikes Back
of Harry Potter movies.
Well, I've seen Empire Strikes Back.
You have seen Empire Strikes Back.
Remember how when that was over, you were like,
I think the bad guys just won and the good guys
are standing around with their dicks in their hand.
The other hand, of course.
And, uh...
Uh-oh.
No, I've seen Grease in Star Wars.
Like, all the Star Wars.
You can't say,
I saw Empire Strikes Back and then go,
yeah, I saw Star Wars.
Those are two different movies.
Wait, who are you talking to?
That guy.
I can't have this argument with you again.
Who is he talking to?
Well, look, I did
see Star Wars, okay? I saw
Star Wars, but I also saw
the other ones.
Including Empire... You've seen the whole saga.
Doug, hear me out.
If you really want to get into this, we
can get into this. Okay, let
me ask you, did you see Star Wars Legend
of the Black Pearl?
I did.
Liar!
There isn't a Star Wars Legend of the Black Pearl.
Now what do you have to say for yourself?
Let's play the Leonard Mullen game.
We'll start with Larry and then move on to Greg and then Tig,
so that Tig has time to refresh your memory on how this game works.
And I think you have a chance of winning, Tig. I really do.
Didn't I win last time? I did. I think you might have, yeah winning, Tig. I really do. Didn't I win last time? I did.
I think you might have, yeah.
By not answering anything?
Yeah.
It's a great game for people who don't know anything.
Because you could still win.
Who would you like to play for in our audience, Larry Zerner?
I'll play for Annette.
That's your friend, Annette?
Yeah.
All right.
Wow, that is not part of the holiday season That is not the right attitude
No, I guess playing for your friend is a nice gesture
Tig, who would you like to play for?
A lot of people have
When I said at the beginning nobody has name tags
I wasn't taking into account that people have electronic ones
That they would whip out
That's so cute
This girl over here has Annie,
and she's obviously a copyright infringement
because she's using the Annie logo
from the Broadway show, not the movie, by the way.
Tiara is over there wearing her name tag on her head.
And what does that one over there say?
Joe?
Joe, okay.
And then something's happening up there.
Somebody's got something up there. And Ruzi's ineligible, by the way. I'm here. And then something's happening up there. Somebody's got something up there.
And Ruzzi's ineligible, by the way.
I'm here.
Okay, he's here.
You can't play anymore, Ruzzi.
I love your signs, but the guests don't know that you're here all the time.
I'm going to play for Tiara.
Tiara, nice choice.
And Greg, who would you like to play for?
Annie.
Annie.
All right.
The sun will come out.
Tomorrow.
Here we go, Larry.
Would you like a motion picture that takes place at Thanksgiving?
From at Stenrix, S-T-N-R-I-X on Twitter, he suggested or she suggested cities.
This is movies where the title of the movie has the name of a city in it
or would you like cartoons made into movies that was suggested by at the avg joe the av
average i assume that's what that's short for or wait no no it's the a vagina joe
is what that's short for uh so cartoon movies, cities, or Thanksgiving? I'll take cities.
Okay, here we go.
Would you like a city movie from 1990, 1996, or 1997?
1990.
Oh, I like that.
What if it's Sleepless in Seattle?
What if it's Sleepless in Seattle?
Then you should guess that when it's your turn.
And you should guess that when it's your turn.
I can't, because you'll be wrong.
Okay.
Have we started guessing?
No.
Oh, because Tig already guessed.
Listen, smartest man in the world.
Two stars.
Leonard Maltin gives this motion picture with a city in the title.
It's from 1990, as I said, and he says that it has three dynamic
performances
and that it commands your
attention.
And yet somehow it only gets two stars.
He's a
contradiction, that Leonard Maltin.
And there are
nine names. How many names
do you think you can get it in?
Larry Z.
I'll go six.
Nice opening bid.
Greg Proops? Five.
Five names. Now, Tig,
you can either drive the bidding down a little bit,
or you can say, name that movie,
Greg Proops.
Well, what should I do?
I'm getting guestsleepless in Seattle,
so whatever you did.
You could say name that movie to Greg,
and he'll guess Sleepless in Seattle,
or Sleepless in Seattle.
He'll pronounce it correctly,
and we'll see what happens.
Or you can bid lower and see if Larry wants to try to make you name it
name that movie
wow okay
alright Greg here we go
you get what is it five names
yeah okay
thank you thanks for paying attention
that was just a test I knew
okay two stars
there's a city in the title
it's got three dynamic performances
And
He says it commands your attention
And your five names are
Martine Biswicky
Oba Babatunde
I know I'm pronouncing Oba Babatunde right
Because I love that name
I don't know about Martine Biswicky
That's correct That is correct? Yeah Babatunde, right, because I love that name. I don't know about Martine Biswicki.
That's correct.
That is correct?
Yeah.
Thank you, Tig Notaro.
Paul Gleason.
Of course, we all know him as the dead guy who played the principal in Breakfast Club.
Jose Perez and Charles Napier.
Those are your five names.
Do you have any idea,
Greg Proops?
We haven't come up to anywhere
near the leads of this movie.
No, there's four more names.
Yeah, those names would be more helpful.
Yeah.
Especially those three dynamic performers.
Yeah.
That's where I'm coming apart
a little bit on this one.
If he needs help,
can I help him?
Yeah, thank you, Tig.
Yes, please help him. It's a 90... Do everything you can I help him? Yeah, thank you, Tig. Yes, please help him.
It's a 90...
Do everything you can
to help him get this correct.
1990, is it?
Yeah.
Three dynamic performances.
Yes.
And it has this
name of a city in the title.
That's what blows
Sleepless in Seattle
out of the water, right?
It gets to your command.
Because now there's only
two dynamic performances, right?
You didn't think
that little fucking kid
was dynamic?
I do now.
What do you think, Tickles?
I have no idea.
I'm going to infer from that, it's Sleepless in Seattle.
That's incorrect.
I got a guess.
I got a guess.
Larry's got a guess.
Miami Blues?
That's correct.
All right.
Nice.
Hey, get in the game next time.
Why don't you try to play the game next time?
I'm a huge Oba Babatunde fan.
I'll name you the other stars.
I saw him in Dreamgirl.
What's her name?
Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Alec Baldwin at the top of his game.
Fred Ward and John Lithgow and Nora Dunn.
Thin hairy beast.
Okay.
Good naming.
Parts of it.
I love how Dirty Rock, whenever they show pictures of him when he's young and everyone just swoons, you know, and then he's standing there all fat.
Okay, so who got the point that time?
Tig, of course.
She's running away with this thing.
Get your shit together, guys.
We're going to start with Larry again because he wasn't part of that skirmish.
Would you like...
Today is Chris Hardwick's birthday.
So, in honor of the Nerdist, movies that he's in.
He's been in a handful of movies.
If you're a listener to the podcast, you've heard him talk about them.
Another category is from AtReallyCheeks, C-H-E-E-K-Z, suggested Best Picture Losers.
That's movies that were nominated for Best Picture but then did not prevail.
And then from at DV underscore ant, DV ant, zombie movies.
Because, you know, Halloween's coming around again.
So I thought it would be a hot topic.
Yeah, there's no stars in zombie movies oh that's interesting point larry zurner of course is one of the stars of friday the 13th part three where
they do have stars hardly they get the big names for the friday the 13 movies. So what do you think, Shelly?
Don't be an asshole.
I am a regular listener to The Nerdist,
so I'll go with Chris Hardwick. Chris Hardwick movies.
All right, here we go.
Would you like a Chris Hardwick movie?
Now when I say that, I mean he appears briefly.
Let's not get crazy.
From 2003, 2004, or 2009?
2003.
Okay.
2009 would have been easier.
It's easier for you to remember movies you never saw more recently?
That's correct.
Okay, 2003.
There's a certain logic to that.
There is, right?
Leonard gives this movie three stars.
Okay, Leonard. Do what what you gotta do, Leonard
A lot of people like it
I thought you said Leno
Jay Leno gave it three stars also
He was like, eh, there's only a couple of good cars in there
Okay, would you like
Some clues
Let me give you some clues.
He says that there's lots of large-scale action,
and he says that the effects are impressive.
Large-scale action, impressive effects.
There goes my night of a thousand corpses, guys.
You know, when you play out loud like that,
you're only hurting yourself.
He didn't give that movie
three stars. No, that's true.
He did not do that.
How many names? He gave
Halloween 2, Rob,
Zombies, Halloween 2. Leonard gave that
bomb. Yeah.
That's intense.
But Leonard also, he said the other day on the Kevin Pollak
chat show that he doesn't like scary movies.
And it's like, how can you give a bomb to a movie
that you're too much of a pussy to see?
Okay, here we go.
But he did say that the arm cutting off in 127 hours,
it's not that bad, that you can get through it.
Because people have been fainting at screenings.
Okay, I just thought I'd give you guys a little news you could
use.
Seven names, Larry Zerner.
How many names do you think you can get a day?
Seven.
Okay, now you're not here to play.
I'm here to play.
Because you probably have a good idea what this is.
Or you will. Greg?
Six.
Tig?
Make a lower one and let Larry do it. tig that's how the game will be better
so is it better to pick like five or one well you go one you're gonna get have to do it i think
yeah if you go one larry's gonna say name that movie because he's no stupid five five she says five four larry says four larry did not move it all right larry
stepping up to the plate would you like the clues again action special effects
three stars 2003 great christopher lawford was in this movie never heard from again Mark Famiglietti
Famiglietti
yeah exactly
who cares
I don't know how you pronounce her first name
but her last name is Loken
Christina or Christana
Christana Loken
and your fourth name is David Andrews
but I think that third name
that should be the one to give it away yes it's T3 and your fourth name is David Andrews. But I think that third name,
that should be the one to give it away.
Yes.
It's T3.
T3.
Yes, say the whole title.
Terminator 3.
What's the rest of it?
Terminator 3, then what?
No, that's good enough.
Rise of the Machines.
Rise of the Machines.
Yay, Larry Zerner got a point. Yay, yay.
See that? That one wasn't T3, Curse of the Blackines. Rise of the Machines. Yay, Larry Zerner got a point. See that?
That one wasn't T3 Curse of the Black Pearl?
No.
All right, Greg, you get to pick a category.
Thanksgiving, cartoons made into movies,
or Best Picture losers?
Annie?
Thanksgiving.
Annie picks Thanksgiving.
Good call, because I'll have to ditch this category next week.
Okay, would you like a Thanksgiving movie,
a Thanksgiving set movie from 95, 97, or 2003?
I'm going to go against Tiggs Theory and go 95.
Okay.
Okay.
They should teach Tiggs Theory in school.
Two stars from Leonard. Can't disagree.
He calls it dreary.
And then he says, this is the last line of the review
and I love it. Why would anyone
want to spend time with these people?
But then still two stars.
I hated those people. Two stars.
And there are
13 names. Oh, you know you know six let's start there okay Greg says six oh Larry of
Zerner what go around this way right where was it this way yeah you're right. Sorry, Tick. Five. Five names, she says.
Name that movie.
Oh, shit.
Oh, Larry's going for the win.
Who you playing for, Larry?
Oh, your friend.
This crowd is going to turn against you.
I should have strategized that one more.
Tiara, I'm sorry.
The names are blah, blah, blee, blee.
Who cares? who gives a shit
And fuck it
Name that movie
I think I know
Which one this is
From the description
Sean Hattosy
Amy Yazbeck
David Strathairn
Austin Pendleton
And Claire Danes
Someone does that Any idea at all David Strathairn Austin Pendleton and Claire Danes yeah
ooh Claire Danes
someone does that
I just heard
so any idea at all
think of
try to think of
what a movie about
Thanksgiving might be called
that might
bring it
um
it's not Whip It
it's not Whip It
yeah let's narrow it down
name every movie that you can think of.
A movie about Thanksgiving would be called...
Turkey Fuckers?
Meet the Turkey Fuckers? Turkey Fockers? Meet the turkey fuckers?
Turkey fuckers?
T3 Rise of the Turkey Fuckers?
Larry!
Did he get it?
Alright, we gotta go.
That's the right answer.
It's T3 Rise of the Turkey Fuckers.
I wanna make that movie.
Four weddings and a turkey fucker.
November.
Oh, that's a good way to go.
That would have been smart.
November 20, whatever.
Because it's a different day every year.
Right.
That doesn't quite work.
Okay.
Does anybody think they know?
Was that not it?
That's not it.
I think I know.
Steve Guttenberg? Greg? Was that not it? That's not it I think I know Steve Guttenberg
Greg
Is it Thanksgiving Day?
No
Cynthia Stevenson
Geraldine Chaplin
Dylan McDermott
Charles Durning
Anne Bancroft
Robert Downey Jr.
and Holly Hunter
Home for the Holidays
directed by Jodie Foster
Yeah
So Annette's excited
Everyone else is like
Nah
But Annette is our winner
congratulations Larry did it
for you
you get a poster of
Tig had a comedy festival that was
one annual and
I'm not even going to say
the name of it because why promote
that name right because you're not doing that anymore
but she's going to sign it for you, Annette.
Only if you want her to sign it.
She doesn't want to force it on you.
If you'd rather have her poster without her name on it,
by all means, do say so.
And no offense taken if you don't want me writing this.
Just sign it.
She would love it.
She's so excited that you're going to sign it.
Larry brought Friday the 13th,
and this is very nice of you.
He brought part four and six?
Five.
Five and six.
Wait, or four and five?
Yeah.
Yeah, final chapter was four,
so there's no number on there.
Don't fuck with me.
Like you're fucking with me.
And then six is Jason Lives, part six.
But they have 3D covers,
so those are amazing.
And thank you for bringing those,
and thank you for not bringing the one you're in.
It worked out good for Annette.
She's probably tired of looking at it.
And you got copies of two of my CDs,
Hypocritical Oath and Professional Humoridian.
You got others.
Your poster.
It says Tiggs Autograph on it.
That's great, the way you authenticate it right there on the spot.
She doesn't have to go to some highfalutin appraiser.
Copy of Super Jaime.
And then also, this is very exciting,
my friends wrote a book called Reefer Movie Madness,
The Ultimate Stoner Guide to Film, or Stoner Film Guide,
by Shirley Halperin and Steve Blum.
So you're going to get a copy of that.
There's a little interview with me in there
and a bunch of articles about
pot movies.
Do you guys, while I find out who the losers,
and they're not losers, they're just not winners,
I'm going to ask them
who they want me to call a shithead.
Well, you guys, tell us what you have to plug.
Start with Greg. You got some gigs coming up
you want to talk about?
I'm doing a podcast tomorrow, which no one who's listening will be able to go to, but I
invite you people, if you will, to the Bar Lubitsch
in scintillating West
Hollywood. You'll also get a copy of my
CD. It'll be cyber-notted
to you. And then I'll be on
the Doug Benson interruption with
Miss Tig Notaro on December 10th
on Comedy Central.
Awesome.
Over there too?
Right there.
Keep talking, you guys.
I will be on Community next week.
Thank you.
I'll be at the improv with Doug
on Saturday night, late show.
Yeah, the guests are all going to be a surprise,
but that's cool.
I can't even believe these names they just gave me.
Oh, and the other thing, real quick, I'm filming shows in living rooms.
If you have any interest in us doing a show in your living room.
That would be awesome.
I love that.
So they just contact you how?
There's a Facebook page.
I can't even remember what it's called.
But if you go on Facebook
and search Tig,
you'll probably find it.
You're not doing this
anonymously.
No, it's for Comedy Central.
And it's you will go
to their house
and film a show.
And then I do a show
in your living room
and then I bring
a surprise friend of mine
to drop into your living room
and you have to upload.
It's going to be me.
We might as well let the cat out of the bag right now
wasn't it supposed to be a surprise
can I plug
but yeah and you have to make
a two minute video showing your house
and why we should come to your house
oh like you make your own cribs and then send it in
exactly
that's awesome and Larry what do you got coming up
well if you're an actor or writer
any interesting litigation I am doing some? Well, if you're an actor or writer. Any interesting litigation?
I am doing some interesting cases, but if you need a lawyer, look me up at zirnerlaw.com.
And I have a movie coming out next year with Brian Posehn and Danny Putty from Community.
It's called The Knights of Bad Aston.
And it's directed by Joe, right?
Directed by Joe Lynch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Steve Zahn and Ryan Quantin and Summer Glau.
It's going to be, look for it next October probably.
Nice.
Sweet.
You'll be back on before then, next October.
Jesus, that's forever ago.
Are you doing law in the movie?
No, I just have a cameo yelling at Brian Poussin.
Oh, cool.
Oh, I should also mention that when I played the Leonard Maltin game
on Kevin Pollack's chat show,
Sam Levine got the movie 15 Minutes in negative two names.
And then he named De Niro and Edward Burns in order.
And so he immediately got a place in the next tournament of championships.
So look for Sam Levine there.
And thanks again to my guests, Greg Proops, Tig Notaro, got a place in the next tournament of championships. So look for Sam Levine there.
And thanks again to my guests, Greg Proops,
Tig Notaro,
the legendary Larry Zerner.
Thanks, Greg.
Let me get a picture of you guys.
As always,
Narek?
Narek?
Is this shithead?
Yeah, this girl went out with a person named Narek. And Brad Drennan is a shithead? Yeah, this girl went out with a person named Narek.
And Brad Drennan is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Isaac Gold is viewing prowess weeks in cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.