Doug Loves Movies - Hal Rudnick, Chris Kelly, Samm Levine and Jacob Sirof guest

Episode Date: September 20, 2016

Live from the UCB Sunset in LA, Doug welcomes Hal Rudnick, Chris Kelly, Samm Levine and Jacob Sirof to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice... at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azepam or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. That sounded like you guys were, like, a long ways away. And you're just yelling for me to love some movies from a distance. And yes, you are actually kind of far away,
Starting point is 00:00:47 so that's probably why it sounded like that to me. There's a big moat here at the UCB Theater Sunset location, Los Angeles, California. It's Monday, September 19th. Do we have, you can see I have four guests tonight, so do we have four great name tags out there? Let's take a look. There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, maybe nine or ten name tags, so we're good.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Great job, you guys. What's this huge box, though, in the front row? What's in there? It's called 20,000 Days of a Hot and Ready Pizza. It's a hot and ready pizza, but it's really big. Yeah. And did you do anything to it? Yeah, we put a title on it.
Starting point is 00:01:30 You wrote something on it? 20,000 days. Okay. H-O-C? I think it'll get picked. I have a pretty strong feeling about it. There's like cold pizza backstage that people were gnawing on and complaining about how cold it was.
Starting point is 00:01:45 And this is fucking fresh and ready. Just like you described it. Doug plugs, if you're in Austin at Fantastic Fest, be sure to say hi because I'll be there from September 22nd to 29th, hanging out, enjoying films.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Friday, November 30th, a very special happy hour edition of douglow's movies at the improv in houston texas so get off early or quit your job saturday october 1st dallas texas saturday october 8th boston massachusetts the next los angeles douglow's movies Movies is October 10th at Meltdown Comics, douglasmovies.com times two. Let's look in the prize bag. I've got a Douglas Movies T-shirt, a Phil Bill Volume 1 comic, or coloring book, I should say. Marijuana logs logs coasters gonna be out of those soon
Starting point is 00:02:50 I was on at midnight today so I brought you a couple of delicious cookies oh and there's never too early for Christmas ornaments a guy gave me a bunch of Douglas movies wooden Christmas ornaments that are really cute. And it's, I gotta give the dude a plug.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Go to scrolling Oh my god. Scrolling it out woodworks.com Wow, that is a really snappy scrolling it out woodworks.com and he's in peace in Pennsylvania I've got a pipe from peacemaker and this is pretty exciting, I think. A copy of the
Starting point is 00:03:46 shooting script of the motion picture, Children of Men. I guess it was probably nominated for a few writing awards when it came out and I got one in the mail. All of that is going to be someones tonight along with the stuff brought by my four terrific guests.
Starting point is 00:04:10 We got two oldbies and two newbies. If you've been paying attention to recent episodes, you know who two of the guests are. But please give me, please help me out in, let's give it up for Chris Kelly, Hal Rudnick, Jacob Seroff, and Sam the Ma'am Levine, a.k.a. Lil Wolverine. All right. First of all, let's say hi to our new guests, the new guests to the program,
Starting point is 00:04:54 who both went above and beyond in terms of bringing something for the prize bag tonight. First up, let's hear it for Chris Kelly, everybody. Hi. eyes bag tonight. First up, let's hear it for Chris Kelly, everybody. Hi. Now tell me if I get this sentence correct. New co-head
Starting point is 00:05:14 writer of SNL. Yes, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Nothing warms you up for that job better than being on this show a week before you go back to work. Doug Loves Movies is really going to get you ready.
Starting point is 00:05:31 And thank you so much for being here. You're also promoting a motion picture that you, let me make sure I get this right, wrote and directed. Yes. Use your microphone voice. Yes, yes. And it's in select theaters now? It's in theaters now and on iTunes, yeah. And it's called Other People.
Starting point is 00:05:55 You were great the whole way through. Why were you so worried? Everything you said was perfect. Yeah, I just, you know, I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about, but also want to make sure I get it right. Yeah, I just, you know, I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about, but also want to make sure I get it right. Yeah, yeah. For the same reason, I guess.
Starting point is 00:06:10 But you have an unusual, I just want to get right to it, because it's a big box with a wine bottle sticking out of it in the room. What is this? It's either a good gift or it's a terrible gift. Uh, well my, what is this? It's either a good gift or it's a terrible gift. But, uh, in my movie, there's a, the song drops of Jupiter by train train. Of course. Uh, are they here is train here. So they're not, I think they're way in the back. Uh, that, that song is all over my movie. It's like a running thing throughout the movie. So it was wrap gift, I bought everyone a bottle of Train Has a Wine Company. And so the bottles, each flavor of wine, are they called flavors?
Starting point is 00:06:54 What is it called? It's Train. Well, if it's Train wine, it's flavors. So each one of their wines is named after one of their songs. So the Cabernet is Drops of Jupiter Cabernet. There's Hey Soul Sister Sauvignon Blanc. You understand. You lost me at the Sauvignon Blanc.
Starting point is 00:07:11 You all got grape? Yeah, this is grape. This is, yeah, Drops of Jupiter grape. So this is. I would have so much fun with this if I knew train song titles. Oh, God. Hey Soul Sister. So I brought six
Starting point is 00:07:25 bottles of the train wine. And I also have a poster from my movie and it's huge, but I couldn't carry it with the wine. So God, what a night for somebody here. Was the song used ironically in the movie? You'll have to tune in and see. Oh yeah, no, it's straight up
Starting point is 00:07:42 in there just sincerely. For sure. A little bit. I don't know. Molly Shannon is in the film. Yes, yeah. Who else? Molly Shannon and Jesse Plemons from Friday Night Lights, Breaking Bad.
Starting point is 00:07:56 They're the leads. And then Bradley Whitford, Maude Apatow, June Squibb, John Early. A lot of UCB people are in it, too. We filmed a scene at UCB Franklin. A lot of UCB people like Matt Walsh is in it. Retta, Paula Pell. I don't know. A bunch of comedy people mostly. That seems perfect casting for a comedy
Starting point is 00:08:14 film. Well done. Thank you. Let's say hi to Hal Rudnick everybody. Hal is here. Hi Doug. Thanks for here. Hi, Doug. Thanks for having me. For the very first time.
Starting point is 00:08:26 It feels like the first time. Sure does. Yeah. In more ways than one. And you're so great with all the Screen Junkies stuff. And you appeared on my new show on Screen Junkies Plus, Pitch Off. Heck yeah. You did a great job.
Starting point is 00:08:40 I had so much fun on Pitch Off. Great Morgan Freeman impersonator. I'm not going to deny that. That was the gift you brought, right? You only sound like him if you're saying a line from one of his movies. If you're just saying whatever the answer to the question is, then it's not as close. I'm going to thank you for that.
Starting point is 00:09:05 See, that's what I'm saying. Now say something from Shawshank. Oh, from Shawshank? Yeah. We gotta get the fuck out of this prison. It was such a poetic movie. It really moves people with its words. Well, no, I got an actual line.
Starting point is 00:09:24 You slit the God's throat, I got an actual line you slit the God's throat I'll skull fuck the other one what that is not it is a family film what are you talking about maybe I saw you know the R version am I the only person
Starting point is 00:09:39 what's the one what's the Tom Hanks one with the mile and the green mile am I the only person like with the mile and the green mile? Yeah. Am I the only person, like, why would I forget the green part? Am I the only person who just routinely confuses green mile
Starting point is 00:09:54 and Shawshank Redemption? Like I could mix the plots of those two movies together. They seem like the same movie to me, but only one of them has a mouse. True. Same director, though. Even though rats probably run around in every prison. Yeah, they're both Darabont.
Starting point is 00:10:11 These are two Stephen King jail movies. Oh, he also did Road to Perdition, right? It doesn't have a mouse, but it does have a bird. There you go. I can tell them apart, because Green Mile is the one I don't remember and Shawshank is the one I'm embarrassed
Starting point is 00:10:27 that I don't remember. Interesting distinction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dak. Please. Walking Dead connection. Frank Darabont. Walking Dead.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Season one and two. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. FYI. Is he here? This isn't Doug Loves TV. My bad, sorry.
Starting point is 00:10:49 I do love Walking Dead, though. Jacob Seroff is here, everybody! What's up, short rounders? Short rounds? What? Short rounds? I was trying to make amends for the last time when I called them DLMers
Starting point is 00:11:02 and you told me they were called short rounds. No, there's no... I don't like to label people. There's no reason to call them anything. I'll get back to you on that, Hal. Jacob was the winner. Where did you win at? UCB Franklin last week. That was last Thursday.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Tuesday. Tuesday, last Tuesday. You took it down and I invited you to come back today. Live on the air. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. This guy sitting to my left, who you'll talk to next, is, you know, I was lucky enough
Starting point is 00:11:35 and skilled enough to beat him once. And these guys are both scary opponents, but you know Doug, I come for the games. I don't care about being funny or anything like that. So Sam being here makes it a big night for me. It's a worthy opponent.
Starting point is 00:11:51 Knock it off. Sam Levine, everybody! Woo! Thank you. Alright, the latecomers are here. Yeah. We can finally start this thing. Hey, everybody.
Starting point is 00:12:09 My name is Doug, and I love movies. Hey, everybody. I love movies. That guy's just like, fuck it. Sam, how's it going, man? You won a week ago. I won last week today at Nerd Melt. Yeah. Where we played the Molten game, which was fantastic.
Starting point is 00:12:33 Blew the dust off of that sucker and we played it. Yeah. I'll do that again someday, maybe, if people don't beg me too much for it. And, yeah, if you leave me alone about it, it's got to be my idea. But so yeah, so I asked you to come back as well. You couldn't come back the next night, but here you are.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Here I am. We're all, we got four white guys. Like we've been saying. It's a very white panel. Don't worry about it. The Emmys were very ethnic last night, so we're good. White guys are good for a little while. You think so? You think they solved that for us for a bit? Yeah, we bought
Starting point is 00:13:09 some time with that. I think like the next three weeks no one will say anything. Did Cookie win? Did who win? Cookie, Taraji P. Henson. No, she did not. She did it? No. But Rami Malek won. Who? Rami Malek.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Oh, yeah. Mr. Robot. What is he? He's not a Caucasian, technically. I think he's actually of Egyptian descent. Yeah, there he is. There you go. He's Egyptian.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I should have known because of the way I saw him walk. But when he went up to accept his award, I should have been like, oh, that guy's totally walking. He's walking like an Egyptian. Tomorrow's going to be a manic Monday for him. That's what I said to myself. And then Tatiana Mastolini, how do you pronounce her? Right. She won finally for Orphan Black.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Orphan Black, and she's Canadian, right? There you go. It's one of my favorite skin colors Canadian that just counts as white twice that's like double white super white extra white alright well I think this is going to be good
Starting point is 00:14:16 let's see what else people brought for the prize bag let's start with you Sam I brought two things one is one of your favorite films of all time, a little film called The Dark Knight. So if for some reason you haven't seen it, or even worse, you don't own it, now's your chance.
Starting point is 00:14:36 And then a little self-serving, the streaming series that I have on right now called Crunch Time is on roosterteeth.com, and if you're not familiar with them, here's a little DVD of their flagship series, Red vs. Blue, which is very old in terms of it's been around a long time and
Starting point is 00:14:53 it's very funny. And there you go. It's on DVD so you don't even have to boot up your damn computer to watch it. So Rooster Teeth, Red vs. Blue, and then when you're done there, go online and watch Crunch Time. You just have to go buy a DVD player. It's very professional, Sam. Thanks, buddy.
Starting point is 00:15:10 You really nailed that. I know. That's rehearsed almost. Could you describe what Jacob brought for the prize bag? I don't even know what he brought. I don't know if listeners of the show know, because it doesn't come up too much, but Doug, you know because we've been on the road together. I'm kind of a fuck guy.
Starting point is 00:15:26 I like to fuck and stuff. I like to have sex. So I brought some fuck stuff today. I have learned about that on the road. I have like fuck connections, so I have this connection at Hustler, so I got this weird spank stick, which you could use to hit people's butts with, I think. Care to demonstrate?
Starting point is 00:15:41 There is no way that spank stick was not a free gift with any purchase at the Hustler store. Well, I don't make is no way that Spankstick was not a free gift with any purchase at the Hustler store. Well, I don't make purchases at the Hustler store. This is all swag, believe it or not. I got some lube, and I got these condoms. I don't know what these are for.
Starting point is 00:15:58 They're condoms, but I don't know why you would use them, because sex feels way worse when you put them on. If you're like a masochist or something, I have some condoms. Raw dog. I got this awesome, which looks like a Wii controller for your pussy. It's like on this weird wire. It's not an egg.
Starting point is 00:16:21 It's not called anything. It says California exotic novelties on it. But I think you put this part in your vagina. It's called, it's not called anything. It says California exotic novelties on it. But I think you put this part in your vagina. It's called a bullet. It can also really go in any orifice that you can comfortably fit it in and then it's got a little wire. Yeah, any orifice will do.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Way to class up the show, Jacob. For me, I like it in my pussy. I thought you were going to put that on the ground. Oh yeah. I'm just sitting here thinking of a spinoff show for you, like Jacob Loves Fucking. Yeah, anybody wants to sponsor that. It's not a company.
Starting point is 00:16:59 I'm against it. Hal, bring us back to some nerdy shit. Oh, sure. Bring us back to some nerdy shit. Oh, sure. Bring us back to some nerdy shit. I have the fucking nerdy fun pack. Fuck yeah. Oh, nerdy fun crack? How about an X-Files t-shirt?
Starting point is 00:17:20 How about fucking Mystery Marvel box? Who the fuck's in there? Who? It's a who? It could be a who or it could be a what? Is it a fucking Groot or a fucking human? And a screen junkies sweatshirt. There you go, everybody.
Starting point is 00:17:43 You know, fall is almost upon us. When you venture out of doors, you may need a sweatshirt. Why not make it a Screen Junkies sweatshirt? Also, I just want to mention, Doug, your show is, Doug Benson hosts a show on Screen Junkies Plus, and it's a fucking amazing
Starting point is 00:18:00 funny show where Doug plays a Hollywood movie boss who can he's a studio boss who hears pitches. It's just if I got picked to be a studio boss. Which should fucking happen. Am I right everybody? Well I don't know. I don't want that.
Starting point is 00:18:16 I don't want that job. Please please promote the show. It's more fun to pretend to be one. But Doug's super fucking funny on the show and he hears a bunch of pitches every week, and he says no, yes, thumbs down, and like three comedians vie to be the winner on Doug's show. Thanks, dude.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Yeah, you do a great fucking job, man. I put Dark Knight in Jacob's sex bag, and it's already given birth to Bat Kid. I think my prizes will go well with the train wine. Here you are, sir. Thank you, Doug Benson. Now, do we care what's in the Marvel box? It seems like, is it sealed up?
Starting point is 00:18:51 What's in the box? You can open it. You can open it. Yeah, I'm just afraid of, like, it's always so hard to repack these things if you unleash the stuff inside. I think it's just one object, just one item in there. Oh, it's just a mug.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Oh, yeah, it's just a mug. Whoa, look at that. Look at that mug, you guys. What is that, like red venom? Yeah, I think that is. What is it? It's carnage. It's carnage.
Starting point is 00:19:16 It's carnage. Fucking carnage. All right. Yeah, a little carnage. Add to that treasure trove a fucking carnage mug. Who wants a cup of carnage in the morning?
Starting point is 00:19:27 Yeah, it's very nice. Thanks, Doug. Yeah, great job. Oh my God. I don't like any heckle that begins with, it's actually. The guy that knows all about carnage is alone. I just want to point that out.
Starting point is 00:19:50 It's true. He came alone, but he knows a lot about the Marvel Universe. Should we just give him your part of the prize bag, Jacob? Not the condoms. He won't be needing those. All right. Well, this is going gonna be quite the chore for somebody to get all these prizes out of here after the show so so good luck to
Starting point is 00:20:12 whoever our winner ends up being real quickly though let's just go down the line starting with Sam again and tell me that what was the last movie you saw it can you recommend it it was a feature, only because I watched them back to back. Backdraft and the Point Break remake. Which one did you see? Did you see second? I saw Point Break second. All right, so that's the last movie you saw.
Starting point is 00:20:37 I guess so. And so we're not going to talk about that other one. Well, I only mentioned it because I didn't want to have to spend the time telling you about the diarrhea fest that was that Point Break remake. It was utterly unwatchable. There is not a single redeemable scene in that movie. Yeah, harsh words. That's right, guys.
Starting point is 00:20:59 I'm not gaming to be in Point Break 2. But not even like a parachuting cam that was kind of well done? Oh, no. I mean, if I wanted to watch the X Games, it's great, but... I love it when somebody says that a movie's unwatchable. Like, did the movie throw things into your eyes? Yes, it did. Did it slap your face
Starting point is 00:21:17 around and beat you about the head? Yes. Offensively bad storytelling and dialogue and acting. Oh, I can't watch this bad acting. Yeah. Can't look at it. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:21:28 It hurt me. I see it. It hurt me. You know, pepper spray the movie. I think that would be like, you know, harder to watch. Jacob, what was the last movie you saw? Well, I've done the show so recently that I haven't got to the theaters again. But you saw a movie somehow.
Starting point is 00:21:46 I saw a movie since then, and that movie was, and this is probably going to weird a lot of people out, that was Star Wars The Force Awakens, which I recorded on the Starz network. Why would people weird out about it? Oh, because I think people would be surprised that I enjoy Star Wars movies. Want to go sit with that guy over there?
Starting point is 00:22:04 No, I'm just... Listen, you're so far off the beaten path Star Wars movies. Want to go sit with that guy over there? You're so far off the beaten path that you couldn't even get in the Star Wars movies galaxy. What? Why? I saw the observations. Do you have any new observations after watching it again?
Starting point is 00:22:21 How many times was that for you? Well, I saw nine of the theaters so that would have been that would have been this is a big ten though the big jamma cake I don't have blu-ray or I don't I don't watch them I don't ever buy move I'm sorry did you say you saw Star Wars The Force Awakens nine times in theaters yeah and I'm not even that into it what accounted what drove you to see that? Well, I'm a big Star Wars nerd. He loves Star Wars. That was being ironic earlier.
Starting point is 00:22:48 We don't know each other. But he's more into the Star Wars movies that count. I am not going to win any trivia if this is what it's up against. Well, not Star Wars trivia. But definitely train trivia. I don't think I... I dare say there's little to no Star Wars trivia tonight
Starting point is 00:23:07 I don't know if there were new observations but I watched it when I watch stuff at home I put the captions on so you can see the alien language and stuff some cool stuff you know like when Finn is looking for some water and then one guy's like
Starting point is 00:23:22 no water when he's starving I he's parched. I didn't think the guy was actually saying no water, but it turns out, according to the captions, I thought it was some alien language that kind of sounded like Jabba Nobata kind of situation. Sure. But he's actually said no water, so I learned that. Oh, that's great. Thanks, DirecTV captions.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Take that one to the singles bar. The singles bar. Yeah, right? I didn't know Take that one to the singles bar. The singles bar. Yeah, right? I didn't know of any other way to phrase it. I haven't heard that since Three's Company. Singles bar. Take that to one of your fuck saloons. Fuck mixers. I'm going to fuck mixers.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Hal Rudnick, what was the last motion picture you saw? You see a lot of them, right? Yeah, well, I feel like the last one I saw is going to sound so pretentious, so I just want to say two. Well, everybody can't just answer the question. Fuck! What kind of world are we living in?
Starting point is 00:24:15 I'm just going to... It's like I asked you what magazines you read, and you're Sarah Palin. Well, I saw a documentary called Author, the J.T. LeRoy story. Have you seen it? Yeah, it was fantastic. There you go.
Starting point is 00:24:30 That's a good thing. Tell us a little more about it. You pretentious fuck. How dare you watch that movie? Basically, I went to it off of an NPR interview that I heard. It's about this woman who was an author in the late 90s, early 2000s, but she was an author under a pseudonym.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Her pseudonym, her nom de plume, had a whole other identity that the publishers... It's almost like Garth Book and Chris Gaines, but yes, in the literary world. Oh, that's where it's the worst.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Fuck, yeah. No, but so she created this false identity, and someone portrayed it. An actor basically portrayed it. And this actor became friends with Courtney Love, Billy Corgan, Bono, and all these fucking luminaries. And she duped the world, and the New York Times all of a sudden did a story that outed her, and it was just a fucking amazing
Starting point is 00:25:31 just thing she created, and then the bubble got burst. Spoiler alert. Fuck yeah. Sorry. Spoiler alert. Also on Game of Thrones, Ned Stark dies. Thanks, Hal. You got it, buddy. I was just about to start Game of Thrones Ned Stark dies thanks how you got it buddy I was just about to start Game of Thrones I'm never gonna start Game of Thrones it's just too too thick I don't get God I just don't get it well what don't you get? God. Oh, you mean GOT?
Starting point is 00:26:05 Yep. And I've told some really bad jokes over the years on your show. That's up there. That's up there. If you played the game of Thorns, I always call it Thorns. If you played the game of Thorns board game? Yeah. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:26:28 No. You got game? You got game got? You got game. Chris, save us from this conversation. I don't know if mine's good either. Mine isn't like not pretentious, but it's like a little indie. It's Force Majeure.
Starting point is 00:26:42 Oh, that's like, been on my list of I must see it for so long and I just keep not getting around to it. And I didn't even really know what it was about but people would just be like, I don't even want to tell you,
Starting point is 00:26:53 you just have to see it. Is it about the Force? I keep waiting for like a weather event to make me stay home and watch it. That is good, yeah. I don't even know
Starting point is 00:27:04 what else I'm supposed to say about it. Is it on Netflix? It's a reference to Natural Disasters. Yeah. I mean, I can say what it's about, but it's a little bit of a spoiler. I'm answering your question, Jacob, that you asked. It's not about Star Wars.
Starting point is 00:27:18 What? You said something about divorce. No, I said divorce. My other favorite subject. No, I said, is it about the force? Is the force in it? I thought I said, is it about the force? Is the force in it? I thought you said, is it about divorce? Because somewhere in your divorce paperwork,
Starting point is 00:27:32 it said force majeure for some reason. I love it. Can you imagine if you were an attorney, a divorce attorney who was also a big Star Wars nerd, and then when like somebody came in, you were like, yeah, divorce be with you. That's cool, Jacob. Thanks a lot, man. Well, I mean, I wanted to save like yeah divorce be with you that's cool Jacob thanks a lot man well I mean I can see I wanted to save you
Starting point is 00:27:47 that's a trigger that's a trigger right there that's yeah divorce fucking in Star Wars that's what I'm all about alright everybody's got a subdued crowd alright it's time for Bert to turn the show off
Starting point is 00:28:05 because I'm about to say, let the games begin! Gentlemen, you have name tags to choose from. There's, I think, about 10 of them out there. I just need you to physically go, and I told you the pizza would be a hot seller. Just go grab whoever you'd like to play for.
Starting point is 00:28:31 And then bring it back to your seat. And this late night crowd. It's 11 p.m. here in Los Angeles. Oh, that does look like a good pizza. All right. Sit in Los Angeles. Oh, that does look like a good pizza. Fucking production value. Fucking production value.
Starting point is 00:28:49 All right, sit down, Hal. Quit yelling about production value. Sit the hell down. Fucking wow. That pizza is entirely made of garlic. All right, Sam. Yeah. What do you got there? I'm playing for Al The Pretty Horses
Starting point is 00:29:05 Because he took all the pretty horses And he put your face in my face Oh that is nice We look good together I look a little uncomfortable And you look a little scared I'm like Enough with Al and his pretty horses
Starting point is 00:29:22 What do you got there, Jacob? I'm playing for 20,000 leagues under the Chelsea. I'm assuming your name is Chelsea. She drew that on the top of a pizza box. Well, she bought the largest pizza I've ever seen in my life. It's a 36-incher. That's what she said. Big mamas and papas.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Pizzeria. Yeah, there's a lot of basil, and I'm going to eat. You guys are going to eat some? I'm going to eat a lot of this pizza. Are you going to lot of basil, and I'm going to eat... Are you guys going to eat some? I'm going to eat a lot of pizza. Are you going to eat some right now? I'm going to eat some pizza. We got free pizza in the back, too, because the last show left pizza,
Starting point is 00:29:51 and it was cold. Yeah, that's what I was telling everybody. I predicted that this exactly was going to happen, and it's happening, so by all means, keep describing it. It's good pizza. Hal, who are you playing for? First I want to point out, Doug
Starting point is 00:30:07 That this guy is a fucking slip of paper right there It's just a fucking slip of paper This is a fucking laminated document Okay That's all I'm fucking saying right there, brah That's all I'm fucking saying right there, brah Whoever I'm representing, you fucking care, brah Alright, I'm representing Andy.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Oh, and his name is... Don't read anything off the back. Don't read anything off the back. I'm not going to read fucking shit. Just read what his name is. Yeah, this fucking guy. I'm representing Matt Damon, born...
Starting point is 00:30:41 Jason born again? Jason born again. So the guy's name is Jason? Yeah. And you didn't name is Jason? Yeah. And you didn't change that in any way. It's just Jason. I put a cross on there. You put a cross on there and now he's born again. It's kind of like a Christian thing.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Fucking beautiful laminated duck. Jason born again. I put a face on there too. Oh, and you put your face on there? All right, great. That's fucking Photoshop, bro. Yeah. That's fucking Photoshop, bro. Yeah. That's fucking Photoshop, bro.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Is your real name David Webb? Thank you, Hal. Ooh. Sam. Oh, nice deep cut. Thanks, man. Who are you playing for, Chris? I'm playing for Reed.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Yes. Yes. This is a poster for Burn After Reading. Burn After Reading, yeah. And you star in it and he stars in it and Mark Wahlberg is intact. He's also still in it. Yeah, there you go.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Larry King said it's a comedic masterpiece. What do you mean Mark Wahlberg's still in it? He wasn't in it in the first place. Do you think I fucking saw Burn After Reading? Get real. It's such a great movie. Why was Mark Wahlberg added to it? It's a show meme. Mark was Mark Wahlberg added to it? It's a show meme.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Because it's a show meme. Because Mark's a guest on the show. Really? Oh, that's interesting. So they put him on the name tag. Oh, my God. I'm learning. That's what I love about this.
Starting point is 00:31:54 I'm learning. Just in case he shows up tonight. I'm assuming this is Reed right here. Yes, that is Reed. Kind of looks like Pete Holmes. Yes, it does, actually. It does. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Great job with the name tags you can't believe everything you read you know what i mean we did it sorry let's play some games starting with a little ditty called purple rain man uh it's basically that the answer is a mash-up title of two different movie titles. The example being Purple Rain Man. Yeah. If I was saying who the third billed people were in Purple Rain Man, it would be probably Morris Day and Valeria Galeno. Oh, whoa. Right?
Starting point is 00:32:40 Galeno. And then second build would be Apollonia and this is a fun game. I think Tom Cruise may have gotten second billing in that one. You get the idea. I'll start
Starting point is 00:32:58 from third billing on a new movie mashup title. First person to guess the title guesses as often as you like is the winner. Third billing in this mashup title. First person to guess the title, guess as often as you like, is the winner. Third billing in this mashup movie title, Lloyd Bridges and Sean Young. Right?
Starting point is 00:33:18 Crazy. Second billing, Meg Ryan and Gene Heckman. Huh? Sam's got a finger in the air like he just don't care. He's scratching his brow like he's got the know-how. Top billed, Tom Hanks and Kevin Costner. Like he's got the know-how. Top build.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Tom Hanks and Kevin Costner. I know one of them. Joe versus the Volcano Way Out. That's correct. Jesus. I knew it was No Way Out after Sean Young, but I was like... That was just like the wait for Sam to get it game.
Starting point is 00:34:11 I was just watching Sam while everyone else sort of just... I had no way out. Was hanging out. Yeah, literally. Joe versus the Volcano was the... Oh, got it, yeah. Yeah. I'm so sorry, Reed.
Starting point is 00:34:22 You should leave now. You actually should leave now. No, you never know. You never know what's going to happen in these games. This next game we're going to play is a little something called Last Man Stanton. Good. God. And I'm going to get, I've pre-selected an audience member to
Starting point is 00:34:45 suggest an actor or actress for us to use in this game and we just take turns saying movies that actor or actress is in if you can't think of one you're out but also read is your lifeline Chris and how your lifeline is Jason Bourne again. If you need help at any point, you can go to them once for a potential answer. They might not even have a right answer. They might be out also. You never know
Starting point is 00:35:16 what's going to happen. Sam goes first, then Jacob, Hal, Chris, and me. Okay. And are we good on the pizza, Jacob? It's really good. Yeah, but can we just close it up? Do you need more?
Starting point is 00:35:31 Mm-hmm. Okay. I like how you're like, show this round the respect it deserves by closing the pizza. It's just a big, huge, gigantic, distracting pizza. That is true. It's a metaphor for the person who brought it.
Starting point is 00:35:47 That's why I actually couldn't get it. It's so full of garlic, Doug. I didn't get the last one because I was so distracted. Oh, now Hal's going to have some. There you go. It's really good. That's what caught my attention was when you were asking other people if they wanted some pizza. Oh, okay, you're closing it up.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Like half. Half closed. No, that's fine're closing it up. Like half. Half closed. No, that's fine. That'll work. There's some jalapenos I just noticed. All right, you good? Where is someone who chose the Twitter name Neil Pert is God?
Starting point is 00:36:27 Are you here? Yeah? What? The fucking drama from Rush, right? The fucking drama from Rush. You're a big Rush fan? Not really.
Starting point is 00:36:41 What? It's an old, what? Oh, it's an old what? Oh, it's an old gamer tag. So you used to be really in a rush. Not really. You just picked it in a moment of... It's a legend. Because he's a legend.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Okay. You realize you're contradicting yourself with everything you say, right? Don't attack Reed. Don't attack Reed. But if you do, make sure your mouth is full. Fucking rush, brah. Alright, so that is Reed?
Starting point is 00:37:16 Yeah. I know, is this illegal? No, it's fine. It happens sometimes, just a coincidence. What's your choice for the last man standing today joseph gordon levitt jgl i know so many movies based on being like it's the one with the right yeah that's the thing you can't describe. You have to come up with the actual title. And Sam, go ahead and start us off with any Joseph Gordon-Levitt vehicle. Tim, in 10 Things I Hate About You.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Okay. Of course, Third Rock from the Sun does not count. Oh, man. Because he was performing under a girl's name at that time. was performing under a girl's name at that time. Jacob, Joseph, Joseph Jacob, Jingle Heimer, Schmidt, your name
Starting point is 00:38:13 is my name too. I'll go with Dark Knight Rises. Which one? The Dark Knight Rises. The Dark Knight Rises? Mm-hmm. Okay. Hal? Looper. Looper.
Starting point is 00:38:38 That's all you have to say. That was my last one. Chris? This is boring. I want to say a better one, but I can't quite remember the title. Say a boring one. You've got to hang in there. You've got to play for read. 50-50.
Starting point is 00:38:49 I love 50-50. Well, not a boring movie. Just like that felt obvious. I wanted... God, there's so many titles that I know two-thirds of the title. I'm like, I think I know what this is. Oh, well. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Yeah. They just don't want to let read down. No help from the peanut gallery out there. Oh, and I'm going to play along on this one. What's happening, peanut gallery? Don't do it, whatever it is you're doing. I play along on this game, you guys. So it's my turn, and I'm going to say...
Starting point is 00:39:21 The Walk. That's what I could, yeah. Yeah, that movie where he plays an Asian chef and he is amazing at stir fry. Yeah. I'll go
Starting point is 00:39:39 extremely topical. Snowden. Yeah, just open, right? Does anybody care? I saw the Snowden documentary and that was really good. Yeah. Oh, Citizen Force. Great. Yeah. I don't need... Why do you need a fictionalized version of that?
Starting point is 00:40:00 Same thing with The Walk. Man on Wire is an amazing documentary. The Walk... Not so much. Not so much. Not so much. Not so much. Jacob? Inception. Of course. That movie wouldn't have existed if
Starting point is 00:40:18 they used your condoms. I got a deflating balloon in the audience. Hal? For me, a film that launched this guy as an actor from sitcoms into a real movie actor, The Lookout. Yep. Okay. It's on my list, too. I like how we real movie actor, The Lookout. Yep. Okay. It's on my list too.
Starting point is 00:40:48 I like how we're all like, sure, okay. What is that movie? It's a really good movie. What is it? What's that one about? Yeah, I've never seen it. Such a good indie film.
Starting point is 00:40:56 It's a good movie. There you go. Check it out. God, I don't, I think I'm going to make, should I, I could guess, I think,
Starting point is 00:41:02 I don't know, or should I, because if I guess and I didn't use him, if I guess, I'm out. Yeah, you should probably use read before guessing. But I think I know what it is because I feel like it could be a waste. I'm just going to take a big swing and maybe be out. Oh, that could be wrong. Can I ask you if this is correct?
Starting point is 00:41:20 No, just use read. See what reads God and save yours. Oh, great. Okay. Yeah, read. What? What? Oh, great. correct no just use read what it see what reads god and save yours oh great okay yeah read what oh great there we go that was the one i was thinking of okay so you're going with yes yeah okay that's thank you no he's correct of course um yeah i'm just gonna grab at one that like, I'm terrible with numbers, but I'm just going to take a shot.
Starting point is 00:41:45 A hundred days of summer. Nope. Sam, I was going to say, actually it was the one I was gonna say next. It's 500 days. 500. God damn. That's a long ass summer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:59 She's not so new girl after 500 days. And he's back in and he's back in. I'll tell you that Jacob Chelsea Chelsea got anything anything besides pizza no she doesn't have anything wow but you've got a lot of delicious pizza in your stomach. Chelsea? She doesn't have anything. I was just thinking maybe she thought of something while I was thinking.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Oh. No. The what? The bike messenger? Now she's just guessing that he might be in something about a bike messenger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't describe movies. Give them an answer or don't. You didn't. Jacob.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Jacob. I'm just mad at myself for not thinking of that one. Because it doesn't have a stupid number in the title. Okay, Jacob's out. Hal. I'm out. Fuck. Let's go to my boy Jason born again
Starting point is 00:43:08 we're going to his boy oh good one okay yo I'm going to go with the indie high school film Brick there you go I was thinking of the
Starting point is 00:43:23 what good call see me out there I was thinking of the What? Good call. See me out there. I was thinking of the Bike Messenger movie, but I don't know what it's called. Is it called Premium Rush? Yes! Wow. Yes! From downtown. Doesn't that? Yeah. Taking all the good ones. From downtown.
Starting point is 00:43:39 Whoa, yeah. I believe he was a young lass in a little film called Angels in the Outfield. Wait, that's the best one so far. That's his best movie. He just called him a young lass. Sure did. Because he has his long hair back there.
Starting point is 00:43:52 That's the best movie so far. Jacob's a big fan of Anal in the Outfield. Big fan of Anal anywhere. Back to you, Hal. It sounds like we're doing a news report. Back to you, Hal. It sounds like we're doing a news report. Back to you, Hal. Thank you, Doug. Allow me to pause and think.
Starting point is 00:44:15 You got nothing. You can't topple the mighty Sam Levine. Oh, uh... I saw Mommy Tickle Santa Claus? the mighty Sam Levine. Oh. I saw Mommy Tickle Santa Claus. Oh. That helped me think of another one. All right. But you're out.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Chris, I know I'm out, but I still thought of another one. Chris? I don't have one, but is he in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead? No. I have nothing. I have nothing. I have nothing on his head. I have nothing. I didn't have any time. You never even went to your Babysitter's Dead? No. I have nothing. Uh-oh. I have nothing.
Starting point is 00:44:45 I have nothing on his head. I have nothing. I didn't have any. You never even went to your lifeline, did you? No. Mysterious Skin. Oh, that's... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Oh, all right. And there's another one that I'm thinking of that I can't remember the title of. It's a really weird one. It's him and Patricia Arquette and Tate Donovan where he's an Amish kid. Does anyone know this movie? Witness. What's it called? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:45:04 I can't possibly remember the title, but it's a weird movie. Oh, that's all right. We don't have to know right now. What's the Christmas one with Seth Rogen? Oh, the night after. The night before. The night before. Does he do a voice in fucking Sausage Party?
Starting point is 00:45:22 If he didn't, that'd be kind of weird. I think he would do that. It would be weird if he wasn't doing a voice right yeah I think we did a pretty good job with that do we miss any Don John fucking Lincoln he's Lincoln jr. I want to go to war daddy shut up and be the president's son. God, I knew Don Juan. What? Did you really say looper? I said fucking looper, bro. That's your looper thing.
Starting point is 00:46:01 All right, so Sam wins again. Let's play one more game to determine our big winner tonight. And it's a game called Jason and Deb's IMDb Game. Super fun, newish game where you know how everybody has a top four on their IMDB page to best known for they like to say but it's a curious metric by which they arrive at the top four plus they say that they're going to allow people to choose their own top four if you sign up for the IMDB Pro or whatever I'm not gonna mess with it but some people might all of that in consideration
Starting point is 00:46:47 this is a game where you have to try to guess who I'm talking about when I start listing off their top four on IMDB you can buzz in at any time using your own name so keep your microphone close to your face and just
Starting point is 00:47:03 Chris and Hal you just say chris or hal depending on which one you are okay okay okay as soon as you think you know it now the first title yeah could be anybody that's in that movie so you don't want to be too hasty it's not necessarily the lead and if you're wrong negative one point sage advice but if you're right, negative one point. Sage advice. But if you're right, at whatever point you jumped in, whatever number of movies are remaining in the top four, you get to guess what they are for one bonus point each. What do we play to? We're going to play four rounds, and a tiebreaker is ready.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Okay. If need be. Okay. God. I'll read. Here we go. Whose top four begins with The Wizard of Oz?
Starting point is 00:47:59 Okay, you guys are playing smart. Might be a little too early to jump in. The second title in this person's top four, it's not always movies, but it usually is. But the second title is As the World Turns. Hmm, indeed. Indeed. The third title.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Nothing sacred. Hal. What do you got, Hal? Bert Lahr. No. Okay. I just for some reason I like the way
Starting point is 00:48:47 you said it it was good confidence too well he's Bert Lahr the actor yeah yeah alright sit the rest
Starting point is 00:48:53 of this one out Hal yep negative one point for you 13 ghosts is the fourth title in this person's top four on IMDb.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Anybody want to venture a guess? Sam can't believe this is happening. Well, I just, I know who it isn't. I know lots of who it isn't and who it can't be. It's not Joseph Gordon-Levitt. So that's good. Or Burt Lahr. Or Burt Lahr. It's not those two.
Starting point is 00:49:31 I learned that the hard way. It's not Buddy Epson. Because he had a makeup test that went poorly and lost the part of Tin Man to someone who wasn't allergic to that shitty makeup. Oh, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:49:49 The answer is the Wicked Witch herself, Margaret Hamilton. Margaret Hamilton. Oh, right. I knew it wasn't Jack Haley. That was a tough one. All right, let's try another one, you guys.
Starting point is 00:50:03 The only damage there was that Hal's got negative one. Everyone else is in the lead. Wow. You're all in the lead with zero. My goal is to win with zero. That's the best case scenario for me. Who's top four begins with Fantasia 2000? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:50:23 I'll tell you somebody it's not. It's not Margaret Hamilton. Dead. Second title. Beaches. Jacob. What is it, Jacob? Is it Bette Midler?
Starting point is 00:50:42 That's correct. Because what's the Fantasia? Fantasia 2000? I don't know. She must be a voice or something in it. After Fantasia, I was like, unless it's Walt Disney, I don't know. I'll never. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:50:59 You get two more guesses, Jacob. How about The Witches and Outrageous Fortune? No and no. The Witches is actually called Hocus Pocus. Right, right, right. The Witches is... No, there is a movie called The Witches.
Starting point is 00:51:16 That's great. That movie's good. We're not playing... What's her name? Angelica Houston. Hocus Pocus is what it was. And the fourth one, you know, there's no embarrassment not getting this. Bette Midler in concert. Wait, that would have been a good guess.
Starting point is 00:51:34 That's so funny. I'm surprised that's not all four of them. Like it's greased IMDB to get that out there, man. All right. Let's see what happened there Jacob got one point for getting back Midler correct and Chris and Sam follow with zero each and how has a let's not get into it I feel a fierce comeback
Starting point is 00:52:03 coming in the form of Hal Rudnick. Oh, thanks. Thank you. Whose top four starts with... Sex and the City. And then the second thing in this person's top four is Sex in the city the HBO version Sarah Jessica Parker that's correct so Sam's got a point, and he gets to name two more Sarah Jessica Parker projects. SJPPs.
Starting point is 00:52:49 SJPPs. Oh, yeah. I'm going to say Sex and the City 2. And? And, oh, wow. What else did she have in there? L.A. Story. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:53:13 She was in that for sure. Yeah. Sex and the City 2 is correct. But they managed to squeeze in there. Like I said, the metric for this thing is impossible to figure out. Ed Wood. Oh. I was going to guess The Family Stone. That's funny. he's in there. Like I said, the metric for this thing is impossible to figure out. Ed Wood. I was going to guess the Family Stone.
Starting point is 00:53:30 That's funny. I was thinking of the other Tim Burton movie she's in, Mars Attacks, but obviously that's not a thing. How did you know to go and buzz in with the confidence of Sarah Jessica Parker? I thought that was too obvious. I was like, what was Steve's name? What's Steve's name? Oh, damn. Yeah, that's true. It was pretty... pretty no not to take out anything away oh my god of course not yeah but you could have gone with one of those other four great actresses
Starting point is 00:53:54 those other three I mean you could have said Mario Cantone he was one of the three other great actresses sam's got two points now fuck jacob has one how minus one chris you're in this very special kind of third place i will truly take it yeah this is when i really here we go I will truly take it. Yeah. This is when I really... Here we go. Scarface.
Starting point is 00:54:30 Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh, sorry. Jacob. Jacob, Michelle Pfeiffer. Jacob. Michelle Pfeiffer. Jacob. Jacob, sorry.
Starting point is 00:54:39 Jacob. Yes. What's your answer? Michelle Pfeiffer is my answer, Doug. That is correct. All right. Well played. You get three
Starting point is 00:54:49 more guesses. So right now, Jacob, you're at two to two with Sam. And we'll have to go to a tiebreaker unless you can name at least one of the three remaining Michelle Pfeiffer titles.
Starting point is 00:55:05 Name three of them and then I will tell you. The Witches of Eastwick, Batman Returns, and Dangerous Minds. They went with Dark
Starting point is 00:55:22 Shadows, What Lies Beneath and Batman Returns. You did it. You squeaked it out to a three point. You won with three points, Jacob. Congratulations.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Let's do the tiebreaker for fun. I wrote it down. Why not do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. congratulations let's do the tiebreaker for fun I wrote it down why not why not do it yeah yeah but Jake Jacob is the winner of the whole thing of the whole thing of the whole pizza yeah they get the whole pie yeah she's gonna have some wine with her pizza and some vibrators with her wine thanks Thanks for that, Jacob. All right, so we had Margaret Hamilton, Bette Midler,
Starting point is 00:56:11 Sarah Jessica Parker, and Michelle Pfeiffer. The witches. Again, I was not going to point that out just yet. I was going to play this one last round and see if anyone else
Starting point is 00:56:20 could figure it out. Mask. Mask. Sam. Yes, Sam? Cher. All right, Sam. If you can get three more, I'll call you the winner over Jacob. Three more Cher movies.
Starting point is 00:56:41 No, just for fun. What other three was it? I'll go with Mermaids. more share movies no just just for fun what other three ones i'll go with uh mermaids um the buena vista social club or no that's not what it's called a tea with mussolini that's the one i'm thinking of tea with mussolini and uh uh moonstruck i were sharing concert that's my guess. They did go with the Sonny and Cher collection. I have a point.
Starting point is 00:57:12 That must just be somebody working hard to sell those or something. A movie she was in called Burlesque. Oh, wow, with Lady Gaga. Oh, yeah, Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga was in there. I'm not monitoring this IMDB page right now. What's her name was in it?
Starting point is 00:57:31 And Moonstruck. You did get Moonstruck right, so good job. Oscar winner for Moonstruck. But yeah, Jacob is still our winner, so Chelsea come get all this stuff. This is a burden for you. You could pass the wine out to audience members
Starting point is 00:57:46 if you'd rather not take a whole box full of six bottles of wine. Come on, you want to. Sorry, I opened that up. Hooray, you did it. Very good job. Do you want the rest of your pizza back? No. No.
Starting point is 00:58:07 So that's yours to keep, Jacob. Yes. Congratulations. Why are you handing that back? Because he's got to write a shithead on the back. Oh, good work, Sam. Sam is on top of it. Do you guys want to play one more game just for giggles?
Starting point is 00:58:22 Yes. Yes. Yeah. You guys wanna play one more game just for giggles? Yes! Yes! Yeah! I don't need Chelsea's shithead, but I'll take the rest of these,
Starting point is 00:58:30 and that gentleman's once he's finished over there. He's probably waited, did you wait till now so you could write down something personal? Is it people who bring pizza for a name tag or a shithead? Oh no, I see what you did here. Good choice. Let's play How High Can You Get? You win.
Starting point is 00:59:01 All right, thanks for coming, everybody. All right, no. How high can you get is uh so jacob won that one so we'll start with jacob and we'll switch the order around we'll go to uh sam and then chris and hal and you guys for the first round you have to take turns naming a movie of a genre that i'm about to name that begin with one word then we rotate the starting order over one and then you do the next round you have to come up with a movie that's two words three four etc and a guy that really wanted to see you guys struggle wrote to me on Twitter and he suggested his name is Andy Gore, and he wants us to do prison movies. Wow. Prison movies, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:51 So, Jacob, start us off with a prison movie with one word in the title. A one-word title prison movie. Okay. Just anyone at all from all those one word title prison movies. I think it counts because it's hyphenated. To hyphenate it. Words count as one word? Well, let's find out.
Starting point is 01:00:14 I make the final decision. With lock up. Lock up? Sam is shaking his head. Why, Sam? Is the hyphenated word one word? No, it's two words. It's two words. It's lock space up. But if it's hyphenated. Why, Sam? Is the hyphenated word one word? No, it's two words. It's two words.
Starting point is 01:00:25 It's lock space up. But if it's hyphenated. You know what? I can't be the judge. Maybe the audience should be the judge. Well, no, because then if I had to go fucking quiz the audience every time, they'd all make a bunch of stupid noises. I'm not the host of the show.
Starting point is 01:00:38 And they also wouldn't necessarily be right. Fair enough. I'm not the host. I leave it to you to decide. I've decided that it's okay. Very well. That he got it past us. Fair enough. I'm not the host. I leave it to you to decide. I've decided that it's okay. Very well. That he got it past us. Very well. I will go with the movie. Because you shouldn't lose on the first round.
Starting point is 01:00:51 No, I agree. It's a tough one, though. Do those count in this game? Yes. I'm going to go with a movie called Life. Yes. Total prison movie. Total prison movie. Oh, wait. Sorry. We all do one, then we all do two? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was one, two, three, four. Oh, wait. Sorry. We all do one and then we all do two? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was
Starting point is 01:01:05 one, two, three, four. Oh, well, fuck. No, it would really be over fast. I mean, that's what I thought. Yeah. If we went one, two, three, four. You just have to do a one-er. Gotta add two threes, baby. Yeah, I don't want to make everyone sit here
Starting point is 01:01:23 while I think. I don't know. You guys hang out. Chris has got some thinking to do. Yeah, please. I don't want to make everyone sit here while I think. I don't know. You guys hang out. Chris has got some thinking to do. Yeah, please. I don't have one... One word prison movie. I didn't care about Lock Up, but now I'm mad that it counts as one.
Starting point is 01:01:38 I mean, if I just say a word, it might be a prison movie, right? Yeah, go ahead. Try. What was yours? What did you say? I said life. Like movie, right? Yeah, go ahead. Try. What was yours? What did you say? I said life. Like containment, maybe? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:01:54 What are you going to go with? I got nothing. I got nothing. I just gave you a perfect... Oh, is that a movie? Containment. Is that a prison movie? No, that's not a movie, but I'll accept it. Hal? I truly have no idea.
Starting point is 01:02:07 Start thinking about a two-word one. Hal? Yeah, this absolutely we're in Visit Prison Here. Colors. Colors, okay. It's got some prison stuff in there. I don't know if it's the genre,
Starting point is 01:02:26 but if his wasn't even a movie, that should definitely count. Yeah. All right, so next round. Two words, Sam. Jailhouse Rock. Ooh. That's fun. Chris?
Starting point is 01:02:36 It literally has jailhouse in the title. Huh? Never mind. No, I was saying Hannah Jacob. Oh, uh... Don't go yet. Okay. Because you know that it rotates over one each round.
Starting point is 01:02:49 Oh, I didn't know that. I said it. We were here minutes ago. So, Chris? It is me. Well, there's only a prison a little bit, and this is such a gay answer, but Les Miserables, there is a prison in that.
Starting point is 01:03:01 I'll accept that as a prison. Thank you. Are you kidding me? Thank you. Look down, look down. Yeah, okay, okay, a prison in that. I'll accept that as a prison. Are you kidding me? Look down. Look down. Okay, okay, okay. All right.
Starting point is 01:03:12 That's gay enough. Hal. Doug, where do they get their contestants for this dystopian future game show called Running Man? Oh, whoa Man Prison. Fucking Prison. That's The Running Man.
Starting point is 01:03:29 The Running Man. Fucking Prison. The. So save that one for later unless someone takes it before you and give us a two word prison movie. You can do it. Shawshank Redemption.
Starting point is 01:03:49 The Shawshank Redemption. So we'll put that one on account for three-word titles. This is a mellow late night jam. Oh. Three Musketeers. The Three Musketeers. Wow. Oh, what a...
Starting point is 01:04:16 And also, not really a prison movie. Oh, Dark Tanyan got locked up. Yeah, he got locked up. He got thrown in the pokey. Oh, and Aramis. I remember the name of Aramis as one of the three musketeers because my father used a cologne called Aramis. And scene.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Okay, how much time do I have left? Your father's Armenian? No, just from the 80s. You seem to be pretty much out of time just a prison movie with two words in the title just spit it right out just envision it
Starting point is 01:04:53 Blue Streak Blue Streak? is that a prison movie? that's the whole premise not a lot of it takes place in prison but he goes to prison I just like the way you just blurted it out That's the whole premise. Not a lot of it takes place in prison. But he goes to prison. I just like the way you just blurted it out.
Starting point is 01:05:10 I'm excited about that. All right. I didn't go yet. Jacob gets to go with two words. You just did the whole third round for us. I think so. That was great. That's going to be easy. I think he did.
Starting point is 01:05:20 I'm going with bad boys, the Sean Penn bad boys. Yeah, bad boys. Oh, yeah. What you going to do? All right. So now we got to go, the Sean Penn Bad Boys. Yeah, Bad Boys. Oh, yeah. What you going to do? All right. So now we got to go to the three round, Chris. You start us off. You had all those ones to cherry pick from.
Starting point is 01:05:34 I'll the Green Mile. The Green Mile. OK. Al? The Shawshank Redemption. Either one of the longest yards. Okay. American History X.
Starting point is 01:05:51 All right. So you didn't even use all the ones that were out there. But that's cool. Hal, you got a four-word prison title? A lot of this takes place in prison Because they fucking let out the prisons The Dark Knight Rises Wait what They let out the prisons
Starting point is 01:06:11 So it takes place Gotham becomes a prison Yes who's fucking Bane's army Prisoners that he lets out of jail Right so there's no Scenes in a prison at all They're just all out It's not really a prison at all. They're just all out. But then there are a couple of thoughtful moments.
Starting point is 01:06:26 It's not really a prison movie. But I appreciate your effort on that. Okay. Yeah. Thanks. You're out. You got one, Jacob? It's on me?
Starting point is 01:06:41 Yeah. How'd it come back so fast? Just rockets around, don't it? I don't think I have one. Oh, wait. No. All the great prison titles are three words. Sam's got one.
Starting point is 01:06:58 I hate prison. Movies. I mean, I hate prison. I've had prison nightmares my whole life. So I kind of avoid those genres. Oh, I just thought of one. The Cool Hand Luke. Nothing? Yeah, four of them, no. Alright, Sam, escape from
Starting point is 01:07:18 LA. Sorry, escape from New York. How about that? That's four of them. Chris, keep it easier. I that? That's four words. Okay, Chris. Los Angeles. Chris. Keep it easier. I don't have a four one. I thought of a one word one since I didn't do it before, but I don't have a four one.
Starting point is 01:07:32 Chris, what did Sam just say? I don't know. I was really trying to think of my own. Yeah, that's why I clarified. I think L.A. is two words. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:49 If it was Los Angeles. Los Angeles. The angels. It's ambiguous. Something like that. He was smart to go to New York. Somebody's got to decide, though. You got anything, Chris?
Starting point is 01:07:59 No, I'm out. I'm out. All right. Well, Sam just said escape from L.A., And then he switched it to escape from New York. I got it. So then I will say escape from L.A. Great. Well played.
Starting point is 01:08:14 All right. Six words. Five, right? Oh, sorry. Five words. Sam? Does it start with me? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:08:23 When two guys are dropped out, I don't know how to do that. Like, I guess, technically, maybe we should start with, it would have gone, yeah, because you'd be the next one that would have to go. I mean, you got this in the bag if Chris can't think of one. I mean, you've got this in the bag. I'm working on a 5-1. I'm working on a 5-1. I just thought of another three-letter one.
Starting point is 01:08:52 Three-letter one. Anything, Sam? We've got to wrap it up. Well. We had a lovely time tonight. Yeah. Jacob and Hal are still eating pizza. I mean, does it end in a tie if neither of us can name a fiver?
Starting point is 01:09:09 What? Does it end in a tie if neither of us can name a fiver? No, you win. What? I mean, also, there's no prizes on the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could say you guys tied. Sure. I'm fine with that.
Starting point is 01:09:21 That could be a first ever. Yeah, right? I've been helped along quite a bit. You can win this one. No, no, no. I think it's you. I'm trying to come up with a five. That could be a first ever. I've been helped along quite a bit. You can win this one. I think it's you. I'm trying to come up with a good fiver. I know, right? Does anybody don't say it?
Starting point is 01:09:33 Wait, wait, wait. Oh, fuck, I have a six. Oh, he's got a six. Somebody's got a seven. Does anybody don't say the title, but does somebody have a five? I do. I have a seven. Does anybody, don't say the title, but does somebody have a five? I do. I have a 14,
Starting point is 01:09:49 but I'm not going to tell anybody what it is. I think I have one like him where there's no actual jail in it. Can I run this by? I think there's no jail. No country for old men. You never see him in jail, right? He's just a crazy person. He's just like a bad guy. But he should be in jail. Sure. there we go
Starting point is 01:10:05 alright the guy in the audience what's your five I love you Philip Morris that's pretty sweet got a lot of prison in that my six was going to be in the name of the father yeah that's a good six Pete Possilwate epic
Starting point is 01:10:20 seven where's the seven guy Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban You son of a bitch That most certainly has no prison scenes in it Prison turned out to be a tough
Starting point is 01:10:43 subject for that. But everybody, y'all were good sports. What do you got to plug, Sam? Promote yourself. Okay, again, go to roosterteeth.com and check out Crunch Time. Episodes one and two you can stream for free without signing up for anything. And then there's four more after that. And if you sign up this week for a free 30-day pass,
Starting point is 01:11:05 you can see a new episode every Sunday, catch the whole series, and then if you like it, stick around. It's $5 a month. Or you can pay $10 and get a season pass on iTunes for it, but it's a really good show. It's called Crunch Time, and check it out. I promise you'll like it. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:11:22 Yes. Yes. The Wolverine promise. Damn right. It's very sacred. Jacob? Same stuff as last time. I'm doing the San Francisco Punchline
Starting point is 01:11:34 on September 28th and 29th with my friend Kasim Bentley. We do a show where we, he's my black friend, I'm a Jew, that didn't come up tonight for the first time, but now it did, I guess, where we just do kind of dueling racist crowd work for like an hour. It's a really fun show, so anyone
Starting point is 01:11:47 listening in the San Francisco area, or if you guys want to book your tickets, it's not that expensive. On Virgin, I think they got a good deal. Just fly in for this thing. So yeah, fly in for a Wednesday, Thursday racist crowd work show in San Francisco. And I'll be at the what's it called? The Oddball Fest? What do they call that big comedy
Starting point is 01:12:04 thing? I'm doing that on the Saturday after the 30th. The Oddball Comedy Festival tour thing? The Oddball Comedy Fest, yeah. But I don't need to promote that, because I think there's people bigger than me. People will show up. They'll sell tickets to that, but I'm just kind of bragging that I got to be a part of it.
Starting point is 01:12:15 That's awesome. Very good. That's great. That's great. Hal Rudnick? Thanks, Doug. Yeah, I host the Screen Junkies show on the Screen Junkies YouTube channel.
Starting point is 01:12:27 And you probably know Screen Junkies from the Emmy-nominated Honest Trailers. And thank you. And Screen Junkies Plus is our new service. And Doug Benson himself has an awesome, fucking funny new show called Pitch Off with Doug Benson. Yeah, people heard all about that already. Fuck yeah, bro.
Starting point is 01:12:47 Thank you, man. Thanks for being a part of it. Subscribe to Screen Junkies, Screen Junkies Plus, and hit me up on Twitter at Hal Rudnick. Thanks. Great job, Hal. Thanks, Doug. Chris Kelly has a motion picture you can see now
Starting point is 01:13:04 called Other People. It's a prison film, yeah. It's about a prison. Emotional prison, maybe. Yes, yeah. Whoa. Every movie's a prison movie if you want it to be. Yeah, it's called Other People.
Starting point is 01:13:17 Yeah, and it's got a lot of good people in it. We filmed part of it at UCB with Molly Shannon, Jesse Plemons, and yeah, it's out. So it's like an indie movie city. So it's in LA and New York and other places like that. It's also on iTunes. Yeah. Yeah, I'll really vouch for it. It's got so much great response and rotten tears.
Starting point is 01:13:32 I can't wait to see it. That's so nice. So many funny people in it. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, check it out. Yeah. And I do legitimately love Train.
Starting point is 01:13:40 And I'm very glad they let us use their song. And I love Train wine. Go buy Train Wine. They are artists. I'm terrible at winking. I expected a lot of this was going to be more Train-centric. I was very out of my element. You know, I like to put drops of stuff in girls' hair, but it's not Jupiter.
Starting point is 01:13:58 Usually. It's a callback to my prizes. Y'all got grape flavor? That's how I like my wine. I don't know what's happening SNL is back what date like yeah I think yeah please please why new co-head writer yeah Kate McKinnon won the Emmy last night. She was awesome. Good acceptance speech. Good for her. Good for everybody. Good for everyone.
Starting point is 01:14:30 That's awesome. I think I've got one more plug here to say. Oh yeah, the next event LA event is the Benson movie interruption of Mean Girls at CineFamily on October 3rd, which is actually Mean Girls Day.
Starting point is 01:14:48 In the movie, Lindsay Lohan says it's October 3rd when somebody asks her what the date is. Fascinating, I know. We're going to have some fun with it. Thank you guys so much for being here. One more time for Sam Levine, Jacob Searoff, Hal
Starting point is 01:15:04 Rudnick, and Chris Kelly. Hooray. And as always, Roger Klotz is a shithead. And Andy the Birthday Bear Shore is a shithead.
Starting point is 01:15:24 Goddamn birthday bear. And malfunctioning disposable vaporizer cartridges are a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. He hides a bolt of view and prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies

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