Doug Loves Movies - Har Mar Superstar, Geoff Tate and D.J. Dangler guest
Episode Date: March 25, 2019Live from Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis, Doug welcomes Har Mar Superstar, Geoff Tate and D.J. Dangler to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium.... For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Thank you. short listening sessions. Think of it as a guide to help you decide what to watch on Netflix,
but told in the voice of a trusted friend,
even if you're not friends with Ellen Page or Mary J.
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Enjoy the show. Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds
with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey everybody
My name is Doug and I love movies
This is Doug Lo I love movies.
Coming to you,
that was perfect, coming to you
for the very first time,
not the first time in this state,
but the first time at this brand new
Helium Comedy Club in
Indianapolis, Indiana.
We're going to have a gas it's Sunday I mean aren't you so glad after hearing me say that all these years
you get to finally have a gas.
But you know what time it is?
It's Sunday, March 24th, 2019.
And the time is name tag time.
What do you got for me?
I want them all on my desk
by the end of the day.
By the end of business.
All Doug's go to Kevin
is awesome and depressing.
It's a beautiful poster, though.
Show everybody behind you.
Look at that.
It's really, really nice work.
Good luck to you, Kevin.
Adam and Dumber.
Wow, two great ones right out of the gate.
I don't understand
this one over here. Oh, now I do.
I figured it out.
It's a catering truck
and he's sticking his head out the side and says
Jeff. I was like, what is that supposed to be?
But it's Jeff.
But very artsy-craftsy.
There's a refrigerator that's got a big blank
space on it.
Oh, I can't see that one. It looks like
an Avengers thing.
Yeah, but I can't see it in the
darkness. What did you change it to?
Just Infinity War.
Just Infinity War. Good job,
Justin.
There's a light-up one here.
Oh, there you go.
I put a light on.
There's a light-up one over here that I can't.
It's a La La Land parody.
Angela La La Land.
Very nice.
Joey, can I...
Look at this, you guys.
There's like... Oh, that's funny.
We got two This Is 40 parodies.
Kelly is 40 and this is Joey.
But I was just going to admire this manila folder.
Go back home and just file this back in with all the other ones.
Thanks, Josephine.
Just Joey.
Okay, I like it.
Feisty.
Good job, everybody.
Thank you for bringing those,
and good luck to everybody.
Doug plugs.
All right, Vegas.
Doug Loves Movies is back at the Comedy Cellar at the Rio this Saturday, March 30th, 2019, at 420.
The first time I did a show there, you know, because basically the tourists, out-of-towners in Vegas,
they're not going to figure out what this is or come see it.
So I was basically just trying to play to the locals in Vegas.
First time there was 61 people there.
Then we did another one, and there was 63.
So my goal for this Saturday is to break 65,
to have 65 or more people.
And then that way I can, you know,
that'll justify coming back more often.
Because that is a nice-sized crowd.
Like out in L.A. at UCB, that's only like out in la at ucb that's only like
when that place is packed that's only like 90 people so uh you know it's enough people to put
on the show and i love going to vegas so help me out if you live there all right please please come
see my show um and then there's a douglas movie taping in Los Angeles. This is coming Tuesday at UCB Franklin.
That's at 9.30.
And I'm really excited about the lineup on that one.
All of my dates and deets are at DouglasMovies.com.
That's DouglasMovies.com!
Yeah!
Woo!
Like, it's perfection.
And I don't know whether to be happy or scared.
You guys are so great at that.
Nobody jumping in with their own little silliness.
No cacaws on the first one at the beginning.
I'm very impressed.
I feel like one of those tough drill sergeants
that got what he wanted,
but it still wasn't enough.
Okay, so, I mean,
doesn't this wall last for suicide to happen
in front of it?
For the listeners,
this is a great new club.
I love the shape of it
and the size and everything.
It's in a building that says
Indy Star on the outside
because they have this dream
that newspapers are still a thing.
But they'll paint a lovely...
Jeff Tate suggested that they paint more doors.
Like, just...
Since there's already one actual door on the stage,
just paint more so that everyone will be like,
which door is he going to come out of this time?
But then another way to go is probably, like, a cityscape.
That's what they do at most of the Heliums.
So look forward to that when you come back here
to support live comedy.
From the corrections department,
Leonard Maltin was right.
One should never argue with Leonard Maltin.
Vince Vaughn is in a movie
called Dragged Across Concrete,
which has actually just came out.
It's the same director who did Brawl on Cell Block
99, so that's why Kumail and I
were mansplaining
to Leonard
that he was getting the title wrong.
Oldsplaining? Is that how
you say it? So anyway,
so apologies to Leonard and
go see Dragged Across
Concrete.
It's like in limited release right now.
Oh, now
I'd like to do a new thing I want to try.
I want to give some dugouts.
They're like shout-outs, but they're from me.
And I just want to do...
First, a dugout to Steve Rannazzisi,
who was headlining here this weekend
and had told me that he would love to be on Douglas Movies today,
but he's got a gig out in Los Angeles tomorrow,
and so he had to leave today.
But, you know, I still appreciate
that he was willing to stay an extra day
if his fucking career didn't get in the way.
Oh, and this is going to be fun.
I want to do a dugout to the great actor Martin Sheen.
I've enjoyed his work for years,
and every once in a while I remember this,
and I finally decided I want to share it with you guys.
Because he gives a line delivery in the Motion Picture Wall Street,
where he is in...
A couple titters already, because people know.
This is...
He's in an elevator with his son,
played by his real-life son, Charlie Sheen,
before he did all that
winning.
Okay, so they're in an elevator
and they're having an argument. It's a
father-son argument and
they're just mad at each other and
Charlie Sheen's got red suspenders on
so it's not hold-up. It looks
ridiculous, but that's a funny thing to say about suspenders,
that they don't hold up.
God damn it, I should still be on the fashion police.
Those suspenders, that's a look that does not hold up.
Okay, so...
It's just really funny to me
because he just emphasizes the last word in a sentence.
And I know he's angry,
but it's still just a funny choice to me.
He says, how does the line go?
He goes,
what you see is a guy
who never measured a man's success
by the size of his wallet.
Now, I wanted to do it for you first
because that's how I've done it for years.
That's how I've always thought it sounded like.
But the crazy part is,
it's not that far off.
So I want to see if I... I should have worked
this out with the tech team here
that did such a great job with
the opening music.
The tech team. It's the guy
who flipped the switch.
But here we go. Let's see if we can hear it.
What's the use in you, kid? He's got your prick in his back pocket, but's see if we can hear it. What is he using you, kid?
He's got your prick
in his back pocket,
but you're too blind
to see it.
No.
What I see
is a jealous old machinist
who can't stand the fact
that his son's become
more successful than he has.
What you see
is a guy
who never measured
a man's success
by the size of his wallet.
All right, I'll tell you about the prize bag once I get the guests out here
because I've gone so long with my dugouts,
but what an exciting new segment on the show.
Please, Indiana, give it up for Har-Mar superstar DJ Dangler and Jeff Tate.
My apologies to the guests who are not Jeff Tate.
Yeah, that seems a bit sad.
You shouldn't come out here and feel bad about yourself immediately.
Cool.
He's just a very beloved figure.
He's like Santa Claus to them.
But you guys could certainly be Baby New Year and the Easter Bunny
if you just put in the time.
And let's meet my guests individually,
starting with a gentleman
that I just met yesterday.
He's a feature act.
He's an opener for Steve
all weekend long here at the club.
And I asked him to come be a guest today.
It's DJ Dangler, everybody.
DJ, do you ever publicly say what the D and the J stand for?
Truth, justice,
and the American way. That's what you
stand for. I get it.
I'm going to put
my sunglasses back on. Don't take it
personally.
It's so bright up here.
Has Jeff still got his on?
No, I took mine off because you took yours off.
I didn't want to be the only one,
but if you're going to put yours back on,
then I'm going to put mine on. Yeah, but now I want a hat,
because the glasses and the hat,
man, you're blocking it all.
Yeah.
Good for you.
DJ, what's been your experience with Douglas movies?
Have you heard it?
I've heard it.
I've been to a show.
I've seen how it's done.
I love it.
You've seen how the sausage is made?
Yeah.
And do you feel like you'd be good at the games and stuff?
I think I'll be all right.
I could have a good game, yeah.
Okay.
I could do it.
You know, Jeff's a powerhouse.
He is.
Like, yeah, I don't want to.
I don't want to.
So I'm putting you up against.
The masses have spoken.
I'm going against a fave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, he's already got the crowd on his side.
You know, he's somehow he's a hometown hero that's not from here.
But all right.
Well, thank you for being here, DJ.
And good luck.
And let's also say hello to, you know him musician-wise, singer-wise,
as Har Mar Superstar.
Hello.
Thank you.
I will call him Sean on occasion,
just because I don't want to say all those other words.
That's a lot of words.
Yeah, and it feels weird
now that I know you, and you're
Sean to me, and
Harmar's superstar to
the world. And you are
on a break, a little
break from touring. You have
a lot of touring that you do. Yeah.
And a lot of bands that you're in. Tons.
Yeah, tell us about what's going on right now.
I just got back from South by Southwest, where I saw you last.
You were on this show, and I think you won.
I did.
Yeah, so welcome back, the reigning champion.
Thank you.
It means a lot, you guys.
It means a lot.
It means a lot.
Yeah, I just decided to drive down to Indianapolis from Minneapolis just to do this show, because I like Indianapolis, and I wanted to hang out tonight.
How do you like them Appaluses?
And then I have to drive back and get to band practice tomorrow in Minneapolis.
I'm going to do it.
Oh, I like it.
Yeah.
We're all old, so everyone's schedules are weird.
So we have to just do it when we can.
But I'm singing the national anthem at the Twins season opener.
Nice!
Yeah.
On Thursday.
So if you have a TV, you should try to find it.
It'll be, it'll actually actually it's pretty easy to watch
because the MLB
extra innings
is usually free
for the first week.
It's true.
So everyone could
watch them do this.
And you can just
steal music
whenever you want
so it's cool.
Yeah, yeah.
Music's free now.
Baseball to follow.
I want my baseball free!
Speaking of baseball freaks,
I don't know why he has a Dodgers hat on.
Maybe he can explain it later.
It's Jeff Tate, everybody!
Hello!
Tate, Tate, Tate, everybody. Hello. Tate, Tate, Tate.
I'm with you guys.
I'm rooting against myself.
Oh, man, it never gets old.
I like to think they're chanting,
wait, wait, wait.
You know, like you're standing on the corner
of one of those stoplights where it
helps the blind people across.
It might show up once every few weeks.
I mean, even if that's what they're chanting, I appreciate it.
You're just looking out for me.
You can tell I can't see anything because these lights are crazy.
But you know what?
We're going to get some great mug shots out of this.
Right?
Give me the keys, you fucking cocksucker motherfucker!
Okay, I gotta mention that Jeff's mom is in the audience today.
Yeah, yeah.
Who do you think sat me down when I was a boy of eight
and showed me The Usual Suspects?
No, my mom doesn't even know what that is.
It's her birthday.
Happy birthday, Mom.
Yeah!
Happy birthday.
Hey, Sean, could you sing her the National Anthem?
Yeah, sing her the birthday National Anthem.
That's the thing about the National Anthem the national anthem? Yeah, singer of the birthday national anthem. Yeah,
that's the thing
about the national anthem
is that the lyrics
are so dumb
that I always forget them.
Uh-oh.
How are you going to do it?
You got to do a karaoke
No, no, no, no.
It's fine.
I'm not mad
at the national anthem.
I just think the lyrics
are like words
that nobody uses.
That's it.
They're not...
Do I have to do this?
No, you don't have to do it.
I was just joking around because I know... I know, I know. I're not. Do I have to do this? You have to. No, you don't have to do it. I was,
I was just joking around because I know, I know nobody is anxious to sing or hear that song,
but,
um,
but do you have a specific,
like,
uh,
like also regimen you have to go through to hit those,
uh,
notes in that song?
Oh,
you just have to start really low because it's low, because it's like a crazy octave range.
I think it's like three octaves if you do it right.
So give us how low you're going to start.
Give us the first.
You should.
That sounds about right.
Just do that until they cue you to start.
Just cross my eyes and look at the ground.
Hey, if you want to start lower and then also be super duper famous,
do it from a knee.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
Jesus, Tateate I know man
I just kind of
getting on my territory
I don't know what's happening right now
listen man if you got onto a knee
no one would call you Sean
you'd be a
superstar to everybody you'd be like
a guardian of the galaxy
have you ever heard the time set to a military flyover?
Because I haven't.
And I have to do that on Thursday.
What?
Yeah.
That's like what happens at a season opener.
In the middle of the song, there's a bunch of jets that are going to fly over?
No, they're going to pick me up and then we're going to take off.
But you really have to take a pause for the jet noise?
No, no.
I have to finish within a certain time, number of seconds.
Oh, so you can't add a lot of extra poopy dicks?
I can't.
I can't Beyonce it.
You can't, yeah.
I can't do it.
I mean, I could.
You've got to fly in your wreck.
Just sing the last verse.
Oh, my God.
Well, that's the thing.
It has verses?
Does it have a chorus and a verse?
It's got horrible verses.
I've got to say, like, very questionably horrible.
Yeah, it gets pretty racist.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, guys.
I'm sorry we talked about this.
This is fun.
This is fun.
Okay, good.
I don't want you to lose your sweet gig.
Now, what is it? You're going to
swing?
Swing for
the fences.
You're going to swing before a screening of twins?
What's happening? I'm going
swinging
with the military. Hey, does
that little kid still own the twins?
Right?
It's like a 10-year-old, right?
He inherited the team.
Is that how you got the gig?
It's true, yeah.
It's kind of like the twins are kind of like a Home Alone, but a team.
People are always falling.
That's what happens at Home Alone. It's just a series of people falling.
Jeff, who do you think is going to sing at the opening game of the Dodgers?
David Crosby. That's a pretty good guess. I have no idea. I'm not a fan of the dog.
It's a good guess in that he is a singer.
And he's alive, and he's in Los Angeles.
Does he ever sing that song?
Yeah, he closes on it.
I don't know.
It's the big thing.
He does the Hendrix version, but with his mouth.
He just makes those noises like he's Michael Winslow.
Well, Jeff, speaking of mouths,
for the prize bag today, I brought,
my last gig was in Austin, Texas, as we mentioned,
and I brought a copy
of Austin Magazine,
but the reason I mentioned mouths
is because the cover story
is how to eat like an Austinite,
and then it's a fucking guy
with so much facial hair,
he has no mouth
to speak of.
I hope the article's just like,
yeah, jam those noodles
between the hairs until you find the right hole.
You plant the beard in the soup and it feeds up like a root system.
Oh, I like it.
You just kind of sit there for a few hours, maybe overnight.
So that's in the prize bag.
Anna Douglas movie sticker.
What do you have, DJ?
I got a couple of things.
I got a couple of cool t-shirts
from my favorite places in Indy.
The Sinking Ship.
I got two of those.
I like that bar.
And the white rabbit cabaret.
I got those guys there.
And then I also got,
I don't know if this is on brand, I got these
marijuana pot leaf playing dice.
Yes.
I don't know if they'd want those or not.
And then I also got two little ninjas.
Oh yeah, those two little ninjas. Oh, yeah. Those are little ninjas.
Hey, Doug, if you're not
going to eat those dice, I will.
For those listening
just to the podcast, two
little ninjas just came out.
Two tiny pocket-sized ninjas
for safety. They're super cool.
Or revenge.
I don't know their purpose.
That's a really pointless item, the pot leaf dice.
That's it.
I mean, you're going to just end up using them as actual dice
or, you know, not using them at all.
I don't know.
I mean, we could keep them and we could play a game of Potsy later.
Zing. zing I brought a
I brought a sippy cup
from when I saw
a show on Broadway
I don't know which one
the one in New York
probably
yeah
that's the
yeah that's the Broadway
I was talking about
and then
I got from the plane,
they gave you a bunch of condiments with your burger
that I pass on those,
but it's such a lovely little box with a,
look at that distinguished gentleman on there.
He's so happy.
It's Sir Kensington's condiments.
That doesn't feel like something you should just hand back to them
to throw out.
You just put that out in the world.
So that's also in the bag.
And what do you have for us, Sean?
I have, just to get rid of this first,
this is a Heartbones poster
from our tour we did.
It's beautiful.
Last November,
December. There's only 300 of those.
This is hand-numbered. It's got some sort of
number on it.
It's his home phone number.
It is.
That's what he has on it.
Yeah.
I got a Record Store Day 2016 bag that contains some stuff.
Because everybody's psyched for the Record Store Day coming up, right?
It's fun to buy records.
Yeah. I got a Harmar shirt
from 2018 and it says
Harmar 18 on it.
Okay. There you go.
There you go.
Sorry. Don't get excited.
I got a...
It's a lot of merch. I'm sorry.
I got a Harmar Superstar
fanny pack
the original
Taco John's
mascot
on there
because I love
Taco John's
more than
most things
in life
and a copy
of my album
Best Summer Ever
on vinyl
which I just
repressed
and you can buy
and there you go
all that's going in the bag.
I like to be really serious about my gifts.
Yeah, I know you really commit to it.
And I'm brought all the way from California,
Doug Loves Movies t-shirt.
And Jeff, what do you got for us?
I got, okay, first off, I got a copy of my album.
It's called People Are What People Make Them. Thank you. You just look at this and remember that it's on like Spotify.
It's like a reminder, oh, this is probably online somewhere. And then go there. I got a copy of Kingpin on DVD.
Right?
I've got a lot of these movies
digitally now.
Pass that down.
And then on my way in,
somebody gave me this.
It was right you, right there?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I should have been able to see
at least you, right?
He gave me this
and it's a wallet that says bad motherfucker
and i was 100 gonna keep this until the until i imagined the first time i had to take my wallet
out of my pocket and use it somewhere and then i'm just a fucking Waffle House or something to the ladies like whoa
Are you from the movie
Right, I want to have to answer all those questions. I'm busy I
Just ate a Waffle House. I have to get home happy birthday ma oh yeah
hey ma
happy birthday
that joke was about
diarrhea
happy birthday ma
alright so all of that's
going in the prize bag
but I got a question
before we get to the games
I'll start with you Jeff
cause you know
what I'm gonna ask you and you I think you know I think you're excited about it what was
the last movie you saw us yes talk about it forever you got good and scared by
that one yes yes I did I was scared the whole time the trailer made I. I was scared the whole time. The trailer made it. I was scared a month ago.
Whenever
people walk like animals,
I fucking,
no, thank you.
You know somebody's crazy
when they're walking like an animal.
Right, even that movie
Glass.
It was like, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah, he did an animal thing there,
and the whole movie was dumb until he did that,
and then it was like, uh-uh, no thanks.
Have you ever seen the clip from The Exorcist?
It was cut from the movie,
but where she doubles over and does a weird spider walk.
That might be where this all came from.
That might be why I don't care for it to such a degree.
It's upsetting, to be sure.
But you loved us.
Yes, I did.
I can't wait to see it again when I'll be less scared, hopefully.
And I can see more of it.
Immediately when I walked out of that movie, I wanted to see it again.
Immediately when it started,
I was like, why did I do this?
Why did I do this
to myself?
I should watch this again for the first time.
Brian, I'm...
What?
I'm too stoned for your games,
Harmar.
Harmar.
I am
Two Stone Nintendo.
Remember? It was in a song.
All right, Jeff. We're going to move on now.
Nobody else saw us? Just me and Harmar?
Then we're going to ask him what he saw. What was the last movie you saw, Sean? Well, I was going to saw us, just me and Harmar. Then we're going to ask him what he saw.
What was the last movie you saw, Sean?
Well, I was going to say Us, but I also forgot that after that,
I went home and I watched The Dirt on Netflix.
Oh!
Yeah.
The story of Motley Crue.
The story of Motley Crue.
I do, actually, the book is one of my favorite books.
I love a good oral history of, like, you know what I mean?
Like just in everybody's words.
And I bet, I bet Molly crew has got a lot of oral history.
Set up assist.
Even if your mother wasn't here, I would say, Jeff, we're talking about a serious film.
I just assumed it was a sequel to Earth.
Or Planet Earth.
Ken Burns, the dirt.
The first five hours on worms is awesome.
You know, Motley Crue, the wife, was actually
horrible.
Not fun.
So what's your
assessment of that movie?
It's hard because
the guy who's playing
Vince Neil looks so much
like my friend
Simon O'Connor
that I could not
be taken into the story.
But also,
I don't know. I thought it
starts out kind of like
biopics are all the same
sometimes, but they kind of switch between narratives
and it gets good.
I thought it was fun to watch, but
it's not the book.
I don't know
why I'm so serious today.
Wait a second.
Does the guy who looks like Nikki Sixx look like a bridge troll?
Oh, Mick Mars.
That's what I meant.
The guy who plays Ramsay Bolton in Game of Thrones plays Mick Mars,
so that's fun to watch.
He's actually really good.
I thought the casting was really good.
Except for your friend.
Simon O'Connor really freaked you out it freaked me out do you think that the movie is um like it like the book
gets into more of the gruesome details that they can't really depict in a movie or no i mean it
kind of glosses over everything it's like you know the sex drugs rock and roll thing of like any biopic that you would expect. God.
The book's just, you know, it's in their own words, so it's so much more dumb
that it's so fun to read. You know what I mean?
Finally, someone saying the book
was better because it's dumber.
That is an interesting take.
I mean, if you've read Crazy from the Heat,
the David Lee Roth autobiography
is like one of my favorite books of all time.
And it's definitely just written like
he speaks. It's like, dude,
totally boning a chick in the back of a pickup.
And this midget pops out, you know,
and you're just like, what?
Literally, any cokehead
could come up and say that to me right now
and they will. So David Lee Roth
wasn't good with names, is what you're
telling us.
I like the paragraphs that just stop
and say, what was I talking about again?
I like the paragraph that just goes, ba-da- I talking about again? I like the paragraph that just goes,
ba-da-ba-dee-ba-bee-da-bee-da-ba-ba-dee-ba.
Wow!
I like that song they did about the canal.
I like that song they did about the canal.
DJ, what was the last movie you saw?
I watched an old one I had never seen.
I just watched The Dirty Dozen for the first time like last week.
Oh, The Dirty Dozen?
The Dirty Dozen.
I like it. I like the book more.
It's thinning nicely.
It was a book.
But I did. I finally got it out of the way, and I liked it book more. Nicely. It was a book. But I did.
I finally got it out of the way, and I liked it way more than I expected.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
Did you ever see the sequel of Baker's Stuff?
The 13th Floor.
We played that game once where we were trying to figure out if there was numbers, how high the numbers would go, numbers in movie titles.
It falls apart pretty fast.
Let's do it again.
No.
What did you say you saw?
Oh, Dirty Dozen.
Dirty Dozen, yeah.
So, yeah.
But you recommend it.
Yeah, it was fun watching guys that have been old my whole life be like people.
Yeah, it was neat.
I get that.
Like, I understand why, like, Charles Bronson's scary.
I'm like, oh, I get it.
Yeah.
Right, because when he was young, he was acting like that.
He was like a crabby old man when he was young.
Yeah, you're not like, why doesn't somebody just get him some soup?
You're like, no, he's a badass. That's why I'm scared to get him soup.
Yeah, it's like when you watch Cool Hand Luke
and then you totally understand why Paul Newman
has his own salad dressing.
100%. I got some taco dip waiting for me in the back.
It's one of my favorite strains I've had
since I got to town.
This taco dip.
It's a nice
sativa
with a hint of
I don't know what's on my script here, but
it's gross.
Taco dip?
Probably.
Yeah, it might be taco dip.
Or sativa.
Sorry, I had to cough before saying,
let the games begin!
We actually stretched out for this backstage.
We have a lot of name tags
for you guys to choose from.
The greater
Indianapolis area really likes to step
up.
Here's the thing. It's really
bright in our eyes.
You should get up and move
about the room.
We take bribes. We're down for whatever.
Find one. Well, maybe there's one with something
glued to it that you might want to have.
There's an awesome Reese's Easter Bunny right there.
I'd bite the shit out of that.
But anyway, while we finish this, let's go to a brief commercial message.
Look over here, you guys.
We'll be right back.
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by a powerful mutant. You can listen to Wolverine, The Lost Trail, now on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium,
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and use promo code Doug.
Back to the show.
Okay, we're back,
and I'm holding a five-pound gummy bear.
Let's see how that sounds.
I mean, it's totally packaged.
I didn't just throw a giant gummy bear on the ground.
Although, if it wasn't in the packaging,
it probably would make less of a noise.
Because it's all gummy, so... Well, I think we need to take it out of the box then.
Yeah. And we just have to take it out of the box then. Yeah.
And we just have to pick it up from the ground within five seconds and it's still good.
Yeah, totally good.
I want to get it a little bit wet and throw it at the ceiling and see what happens.
Oh, man.
All right, tell us who you're playing for while I set this up, Jeff.
I'm playing for Sarah.
She made a serendipity poster.
I saw it on Twitter earlier, and I liked it there in my head, and I remembered it.
I like the idea that that's how we met, Doug.
We both got on the same...
Oh, serendipity. I like that.
We met over ice cream or whatever. I kind of forget what happens in the movie, but I remember... That's pretty we met, Doug. Like, we both got on the same... Oh, serendipity. I like that. Like, we met over ice cream or whatever.
I kind of forget what happens in the movie, but...
I remember...
That's pretty much it.
Yeah, there was some ice cream.
We were both trying to buy gloves for people we were about to break up with.
Who are you related to that made that sign?
Nobody.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
That's one you picked because you liked it.
I saw it on Twitter.
I thought you were just covering your tracks.
Ah.
Because you're always picking your brothers whenever he's in the audience.
No, I only did that once because I wanted something from inside the prize bag.
All right, who are you playing for, Sean?
I'm playing for...
You've got lots of candy on yours, too.
Yeah, I love it.
I just wanted that Reese's peanut butter egg, but Danadian bacon for, Sean? I'm playing for... You've got lots of candy on yours, too. Yeah, I love it. I just wanted that Reese's peanut butter egg,
but Danadian bacon, you know what I'm saying?
I thought it's got Doug on there.
Yeah.
I love it.
I just liked it.
It just drew me in.
I like a Reese's egg.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Yeah, I'm going to eat one.
I'm going to eat one right now.
This bunny that made its way up here, though,
that's too much.
That is like, that is really heavy as well.
And then how, what's Reese's about it?
Is the whole inside peanut buttery?
Oh, Lord.
Eat that in one sitting.
Let's do it.
Feel great about myself.
Even I wouldn't eat that unless I was at the movies. I might be able to finish
a whole rabbit.
Is that the rabbit or the...
This is the gummy. That's a gummy.
Yeah, it's so gross.
I feel like I'm the prop guy
in Song of the South.
That looks like when Oprah
brought out a wagon of her own fat.
Like a bag of fat
in a wagon. But hers was like
yellow. It wasn't dark like this.
Yeah, she'd been drinking a lot of water or something.
It's the size of an actual baby.
I mean, it's bigger than a newborn
I think
It's not as heavy as one
That's
That's actually
The school issued
Baby
That they give you to take care of for a week
They don't do the egg anymore
It's hard baby
What? That's the thing from a movie that they give you to take care of for a week. They don't do the egg anymore. Tart baby.
What?
That's the thing from a movie that should never have been made.
Dude.
Edit, edit, edit.
Yeah, and if you do that...
You can still make jokes about it.
I'm not saying I approve of it.
Can't do it.
I mean, if you do, Ed,
take out that thing I said earlier that was a real
fucking clunker.
Like, I mean, if you're gonna go
to the trouble...
I don't even remember you having
a clunker today. Nope, it's all
been gold.
Who are you playing for, DJ?
I'm playing... I didn't know that
we were up for bribes, and I'm kind of bummed I didn't grab a candy one.
But I got the Scott Meyerowitz stories.
I took it because I liked the hat that he put on Tate.
Tate's got a really nice chapeau.
Looks like he's going to go out on the links.
Good hat.
Yeah, yeah.
That's very nice.
All right, well, great job to all of you.
And I'm going to drop this thing now from relatively the same height as I dropped it before.
And we'll all try to remember how that sounded.
I think it was better.
Better no box.
Yeah.
But it's still wrapped, though, so it's cool.
Hang on.
Does anyone have a baby?
Does anyone have a baby you can bring up here?
I don't have any kids. I don't know if that's as big as a baby. Does somebody have a baby you can bring up here? I don't have any kids.
I don't know if that's as big as a baby.
Does somebody have a baby I could drop?
Let's see if a baby makes the same noise as that big.
This is difficult.
This is like trying to put a baby back in.
Back in the box.
Don't is my advice.
All right, so whoever wins the prize bag is going to get this.
Is that okay if I give the prize bag winner this?
And I'll keep the Reese's Bunny and maybe bite an ear off
and then give the rest to that guy outside that hasn't eaten.
That'll be a nutritious snack.
Let's play some games yeah just thinking about this rabbit I might bite bite its ear off before this is... Look at this. We got an egg and a rabbit.
Which came first?
I think you're going to move it into
prop comedy. Prop comedy and
voices, things on my phone that I play for you.
I'm a real multimedia
multi-style performer.
But now we're going to start with one of my favorite games.
It's a little thing I call live, die, repeat.
DJ, I'm going to say the name of the movie.
A real movie. I'm going to say the name of the movie. A real movie.
I'm going to say it slowly.
The first one of you on stage here with me
who repeats it back in its entirety and correctly
wins this game.
Yeah.
I can't tell if you're...
I don't know how you feel about that.
TJ.
I'm pretty excited about it.
Okay.
Sometimes guests are confused by it.
Do you have any questions?
I think I'll figure it out.
It's not that kind of game.
By the time...
When you figure it out, it's when you've lost.
That's when you'll go, oh, that's what that was.
All right.
So I don't want anybody to be at a disadvantage,
is all I'm saying.
So if you have any questions...
Could somebody else go first?
All right.
See, I'm glad you asked that.
I am going to say a title
of a movie. All of you are in it
at the same time. First one
to repeat it back.
Oh, wait. So we all do this. I haven't played this one either.
Oh, okay. Well...
I'm definitely
going to fuck this up. I'm so glad you're here.
Hey, guess what?
Here's what happens, guys. He says the name of a
movie, and whichever one of us can say
it back first wins.
Is that a movie?
We just say what you said?
It's deceptively simple.
It's deceptively simple.
Just like Jeff himself.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Why do you think I'm good at the games?
Jack and Jill.
Wait, do we start?
Jeff can't go to magic shows because he's good at guessing how it all happens.
And he just yells it out.
He just keeps guessing magic.
It's magnets. Magic!
It's a mirror or something.
Or maybe it's magic.
That's a great song.
Right? It's a whole...
It's a mirror or something.
Or maybe it's magic. Or maybe it's Right? It's a whole... It's a mirror or something. Every little thing she does is a mirror or something.
Or maybe it's...
Ah.
Ah.
What?
Hey, cool it, guys.
It's my favorite song.
Continue.
Ah. What? Hey, cool it, guys. It's my favorite song. Continue. I'm not even going to tell the listeners what that was.
We can try to guess.
All right, so I'm going to say it slowly.
Okay.
Okay.
Ready? Ready?
Player one.
Ready player one.
I'm kidding.
I was joking.
I was joking.
That was just a tester.
That was a tester.
I mean, I don't get it.
That was a joke.
The way we go.
The way we go.
Okay, I was kidding again.
Have you ever seen Way we go. Way we go. Okay, I was kidding again. That's that movie with Maya Rudolph, right?
Yeah.
And Jim from The Office.
Mm-hmm.
All right, here we go.
That wasn't, see, I'm not going to do any more titles
except for the one that you guys need to respond to.
Sergeant?
Bilko.? Bilko.
Sergeant Bilko.
No.
Fuck.
There was a movie, too.
Was there?
With Steve Martin.
Oh, he was.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm smart.
Sergeant?
Stubby.
Sergeant Stubby can you imagine
after all that explanation
is it that easy
for Jeff to just take it
wait I thought I was out
am I out to just take it? Wait, I thought I was out. Am I right? No, you...
Am I out?
No, you guess as often as you like.
Oh, good.
What was your excuse, DJ?
Okay.
I was just taken aback
by how good at this game Jeff was.
Yeah.
I think you should box this game
and actually sell it
because, I don't know,
I think it could be a huge hit.
It's not the full title yet.
Sergeant Stubby
and
Sergeant Stubby and
Pepper Pig Man.
Sergeant Stubby and the
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
I'm sorry, I didn't say it right, I guess.
It's an, A-N, Sergeant Stubby, an unlikely...
Sergeant Stubby, an unlikely hero.
That's it!
Wow!
Wow!
Right?
Yeah.
Take, take, take, take.
Right? You know why I saw that movie? I thought it was about a sandwich. Take, take, take, take, take, take, take, take, take, take.
Right?
You know why I saw that movie?
I thought it was about a sandwich.
I was like, it is unlikely.
That dog's a hero.
Why would they eat him?
That is unlikely.
How unlikely? Yeah.
How unlikely. Yeah.
Like a grenade.
Pass it around.
You can have some too if you want.
That's how Austin Knights eat through the beard.
Okay, lost the head.
Peanut butter on the left.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, lost the head. Peanut butter on the left.
Jeff, it's not a real rabbit.
Jeff, it's not a real rabbit.
The head just came clean off.
Jeff had more than one Lenny moment.
I just ate a lot of peanut butter and now I'm doing a podcast.
Whistle.
What?
No, thank you.
Sorry.
I don't know.
That's how I do stuff.
I mean, this club's been open for three weeks.
It's about time somebody smeared chocolate
all over the stage.
I'm so sorry.
I'll pick that up.
It was bound to happen.
Maybe if we smeared something on the wall, it would speed up the backdrop painting.
Instead, it looks like we're hosting
some sort of team building seminar.
Exactly.
So I was saying
trust falls.
Where's my first
shifties at?
We're like
a first shift family.
I feel bad.
Oh, don't feel bad.
Put it over here on your notes. Don't feel bad. Put it over here.
No, don't.
I'm telling you, prop comedy is my...
It is, especially on podcast medium.
It's my jam.
That's the best place for it.
You don't have to bother people with having to see it.
You can just hear the resulting laughter.
That's what I like.
I just like hearing people watch prop comedy.
That's my favorite.
That's my favorite sound.
That was nuts.
What's glued to what? What's glued to what?
What did he glue to what?
Oh, I don't even know what he glued to what.
He's got one giant hand.
Congratulations on winning the first game, Jeff.
You get to go first in the next game.
Let's not do that anymore.
Let's play Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
You know what taglines are, right, DJ?
Yeah.
Used in advertising.
Sometimes it's on the poster.
The director, writer Larry Cohen passed away.
He reminded me of the poster for the movie It's Alive,
which is about a baby that murders people.
Like a murdering infant.
And this was the tagline for that movie.
There's only one thing wrong with the Davis baby.
It's alive.
Does that just mean you win?
That's just given to you.
Oh, man, that's just more liberal Hollywood propaganda.
Yeah, exactly.
Gotten that my entire life.
Oh, you think you should be in charge of your own babies?
I'll decide when you have them.
Anyway, so that one, that's a classic one.
These next ones, not so classic.
And they won't have the, hopefully won't have the title of the movie
in the tagline.
They're staring down an Armageddon.
Will they make it to Dante's Peak?
There's seriously no place
or country for old men.
I think that's a volcano.
Right, volcano?
I also glitched out right there
for a second, you guys.
Right.
That was good, though.
That was a really nice dramatic pause.
Thank you.
Acting.
Good boy, that's some weird science.
That's what I do after I
chocolate the stage. It's my next
trick.
So we'll start with Jeff. If he can't figure out what
the movie's a tagline for,
then we'll move to Sean, then to DJ,
et cetera. Get points
for getting them right. No
negative points for incorrect answers, so just go for it.
Jeff, this first one, the tagline is...
Short snore.
The tagline is,
The incredible true story
Of America's top underdog
What do you think?
Listen
I usually
I don't like to show the process
But right now
I'm for sure
It's not underdog You already gave us'm for sure it's not underdog.
You already gave us a hint that it's not going to be in the thing.
No, I'm trying to trick you.
No, I'm narrowing it down.
So it could be anything but underdog.
Rudy.
Is it Rudy?
Nope.
No?
Nope.
Sean?
I was thinking,
man,
in the same vein,
I was thinking Lucas.
But that's so not right.
But, uh,
Vice?
Okay.
I don't know.
DJ, what do you think?
I'm going to guess I, Tanya.
DJ.
DJ.
DJ.
I'm so glad I got one.
I'm so glad I got one of those.
DJ.
If this was at midnight,
you'd definitely get a point for that.
What?
Yeah.
But it's Doug Loves Movies.
And jokes do not replace
correct answers.
Can I get some of that floor rabbit?
Hey man, there's still
plenty on the floor.
No, the
incredible true story of America's top underdog
is the tagline for Sergeant Stubby, an unlikely hero.
Oh, my God.
I drove too far to miss that.
God. I drove too far to miss that. Oh, boy.
Oh, shit.
Was that fun for you, proving I never saw the movie?
You got me, Doug.
I lied about seeing Sergeant Stubbies.
Sergeant Stubbies sounds like the worst sports bar.
Sergeant Stubbies is the Forrest Gump sequel
about Lieutenant Dan.
Oh, no.
He got demoted.
No.
I'm going to pretend that's what you're mad at.
But he's already a lieutenant.
He can't be a sergeant.
All right, so we've got...
No one got a point on that first round,
but the answer, of course, was Sergeant Stubby,
an unlikely hero.
Jeff gets the stars off again.
Jeff,
the movie's tagline
is quite simple.
It's
from the creators
of Wreck-It Ralph
and Frozen.
That's all they felt
they needed to say
to get you
emotionally involved
and excited to see this movie.
Now, there's no way this one is
Sergeant Stubbies, right?
That would be fun
sometime to do six different taglines
from one movie, but the people at Sergeant Stubbies,
they didn't
work that hard.
They went with that one.
I'm going to say Ralph Breaks the Internet.
Oh, okay.
That's not a terrible guess.
See?
I knew I could come up with something that wasn't a terrible guess.
But that's not right.
Sorry, Mom. but that's not right sorry mom no she's she's just she's real competitive i should just tell sean and dj that there is
you know a theme will emerge that might help you come up with the answers
because sergeant stubby because Sergeant Stubby I'm just going to say
I wanted to say the wife again
but I'm going to go with Sing
Is that a thing?
The movie Sing?
Sing?
Yeah, it is a movie.
Yeah.
Could have
a different animation studio I think
but
I don't know.
Yeah.
That's not my job.
It's not my job to know that.
I would be sassy.
What a weirdly specific job.
I would be very serious for the first half and now just sass, sassafras.
Don't point that out because I'm pretty sure that is my job.
It feels like it.
You're hired. Do you have a guess, TJ?
I have no...
Big Hero 6.
Just had Hero, but I think it came out before those.
I don't...
That is correct.
Yeah!
Whoa!
TJ! TJ! TJ! TJ! TJ!
The audience for this show is just like pro wrestling. DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ!
The audience for this show is just like pro wrestling.
All you got to do is be the winner, and they will come to your side.
I was going to say, hey... Hey, Jeff, remember when they were super into us at one point?
Listen, it'll come back around.
People from Indiana just really love to chant things.
They don't always use it for good, but these people seem to be. All right, DJ's on the board.
Here we go.
Jeff, it's on you again.
So far we have Stubby,
the Unlikely Hero,
and Big Hero 6.
I get it.
This next one, I don't think you do.
This next one, the tagline is,
The Return of the Happy Ending.
The Robert Kraft story.
ESPN Films presents. The Robert Kraft story.
ESPN Films presents The Old Man and the Handjob.
Um, hang on, I forgot what you said.
Oh, The Return of the Happy Ending.
Dear Helium Comedy Club club may i please have
another cheetos and soda single strength double class how you say it what was your guess tall
single tall is how you say it um tall man well return of the happy endings is that what this is
is that the tagline i'm gonna say of happy ending. The return of the happy ending.
Maybe it's the happy ending.
It's, hang on.
It's, wait a second.
It's something about a hoagie.
It's the taking of Pelham 123.
That's in a subway.
No, Sean?
God.
I don't even want to say it, but...
Please say it.
Leonard, part six.
Oh, very good.
That was an excellent
guess. That'd be a really weird
tagline
for a Bill Cosby movie. Yeah.
Oh my God.
I didn't think of that.
Apologies?
Didn't think of that.
Wow. You've apologized more than Bill Cosby has.
He doesn't just go around making blind apologies.
Bill Cosby?
He just goes around being blind.
Oh my.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Oh, look at that.
It's even in Tito's glass.
Makes it bad.
It'd be really hilarious
if it was just water
in my Tito's glass.
But yeah, I don't need the fruit.
I'm going to add that
to the chocolate.
A nice little art piece
going here.
Did you guess yet, DJ?
No, I didn't guess.
The return of the happy ending.
Us.
It's a weird marketing, but I like it.
Yeah, this is really weird.
This was ridiculous.
I just did this because this title
has always cracked me up
it's a movie from 1968 that starred
Doris Day and it's called
With Six You Get Egg Roll
what?
doesn't that sound terrible?
but
that used to be a thing at Chinese
food restaurants if you order for
a certain number of people they would add an item
for however
many people. So with six people, a
family of six, you get
egg roll.
That falls into the category
of so wrong
as far as grammar
goes.
Fifth, third bank.
I hate... Oh my god, fifth, third
bank. Or Ruth's.
Ruth's Steakhouse.
What if they went back
and changed the name of that movie to
Parties of Six or More Get Complimentary
Egg Rolls?
Don't whitewash Hollywood.
Yeah, come on.
We're calling this motherfucker
Free Ass Egg Roll.
That wasn't the expression, Jeff.
It's just an old stupid expression.
Okay, so we've got Sarge and Stub being unlikely hero,
big hero six, with six you get egg roll,
and now back to you, Jeff.
Wait, hang on.
What were those again?
Part of it is you have to listen the first time.
Oh, no.
I hope it's actually a food order at the end
that we're just going to get.
It's more than just a game.
Are you ready, Jeff?
Yeah, wait.
That wasn't it.
No, that's what I was saying about what's happening right now.
Oh.
No, that is it.
It's more than just a game.
We'll just tighten that up in the end.
Is it a rollerball?
People are going to be tapping their devices like it went out.
It's just utter silence for five or six seconds.
Not even people in the audience said anything.
What was your guess?
Whatever the answer is, I got it right.
That's why everyone was clapping.
I said rollerball. That's why everyone was clapping. I said rollerball.
That's right!
Yeah!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
God damn it.
This is how Mike Pence happened, I think.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Hang on, hang on.
Sawi had to.
He meant everyone but you.
Everybody but everybody here.
Right, you guys will chant my name,
so you'll vote for me and I'll get 0.1%.
Okay, Sean, you get to go first in this next round.
This is your chance to tie it up.
If you don't, you'll have to wait for the next game.
How embarrassing.
Deal.
Deal.
A huge comedy with tiny balls.
People in the audience
know it.
Oh my god.
I mean,
I feel like there are so many
huge comedies with tiny balls
that I... Most.
Is it like
Stuart Little?
Anybody knows balls?
I love them.
I love them.
Proportionally, they're huge, but actually very small.
DJ?
Is it Spaceballs?
Oh.
Jeff? Wow. Is it Ballballs? Oh. Jeff?
Is it Balls of Fury?
That is correct.
That is correct.
It's okay.
Going third is easy.
They've already taken two off the table,
and then that narrows it down to just the rest,
but those two, it's a smaller list he just said balls of fury and then you chanted his name that's all it took
you know what i'm saying let's look at the words more on the words and when really it was just
because i was i was right they like to chant it's while. I'm a real spoil sport up here.
All right, Sean.
You get to go first this time.
All right.
I'm not going to recap the other titles.
Mad Max Fury Road.
Do you want to lock that in as your guess?
Yes.
Incorrect.
DJ. Can I just guess
Fury
you could
I'm gonna do it
you're
wrong
damn
thanks for taking
that leap with me
Jeff
I would like to hear
the tagline please
I thought it was Fury.
All roads lead to this.
All roads lead to this.
Oh, Avengers Endgame.
Can I get one more?
I guess, but...
The Fast and the Furriest?
I guess I could give you half a point or something.
It's Fast and Furious 6.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Hell.
Yes. And Jeff is the winner of that game take, take, take
take, take
and one more prepared in case there was a tiebreaker
situation and everybody just guess
out loud into your
microphones until somebody gets it after I
say it. Leonard part 6
to recap we got Sarge into your microphones until somebody gets it after I say it. Leonard Part 6.
And to recap, we got Star Stubby, Unlikely Hero,
Big Hero 6,
With Six You Can Egg Roll,
Rollerball, Balls of Fury,
Fast and Furious 6,
and then this one.
Fast Cars, Fast Girls,
Fast Carrots, Six Heads in a Duffel Bag, dot, dot, dot, Fast cars, fast girls, fast carrots.
Six heads in a duffel bag.
Dot, dot, dot.
Fast carrots, question mark.
Fast cars, fast girls, fast carrots.
Fast carrots? Fast carrots? fast girls fast carrots fast carrots
fast carrots
yeah cause there's
this scene where
one girl teaches
another girl how to
give a blowjob
with carrots
using a carrot
doesn't ring any bells
no
no
fast carrots
at Ridgemont High
that's it
fast ties
fast ties at Ridgemont High. That's it. Fast times. Fast times at Ridgemont High.
There you go.
Har-Mar Superstar coming in there at the end
with some semi-right answers.
Yep.
That's what I do.
We got one game that's going to settle this thing, Sean.
And you can win it.
Anybody could win it.
Of course, Jeff still gets to go first.
But we'll switch the order around.
Then we'll go to DJ and then to Sean.
Oh, you know what?
I want to play along.
We'll go to me after Jeff.
That's right, because we're going to play Last Man Stanton.
This, of course, is a game you all, Sean and Jeff have definitely played it.
And DJ, you might have heard it because we play it on most of the shows.
We're going to get the name of an actor or an actress
from a pre-picked audience member, and then we'll go from there.
Where is what underscore the underscore lump?
Hi.
What the lump. Hi. What the lump?
Okay.
Is there a story behind that Twitter name?
It's an Adventure Time reference?
Few people find that adorable.
The rest of us still think it's about cancer.
What the lump, Jeff?
You haven't
given us enough time to process
that it's not about cancer yet.
It's about
adventure time seems so frivolous.
Haven't you heard of cancer?
We're running out.
Shut the lump up, Jeff.
What's your actual name so I can say that instead of this horrible?
Dana.
Dana.
Hi, Dana.
Okay, so you have a suggestion for us?
Yeah, have you done Wesley Snipes recently?
Wesley Snipes!
I like the sound of that.
Oh, murmur, murmur,
murmur. Murmur, murmur, murmur.
Let's go to the panel. Is everyone
fairly confident on Snipes?
Heard this guy. Yeah?
I like Wesley Snipes, I guess. Yeah?
DJ? Yeah, I'm for it.
Alright, I don't need to get a second
one then. Thank you for Benetboy24 for being I'm for it. Alright, I don't need to get a second one then.
Thank you for BenetBoy24 for being
on standby for that.
And away we go.
Jeff? And again, this is only
people on stage. Please don't whisper any of them.
Don't be sitting out there going.
Your turn, Jeff.
White man can't jump.
Yeah, don't be out there like, white man can't jump.
Which I would whisper if I said it out loud this is Indiana
they insist they can here
it's one of my most commonly whispered
phrases as well too
the movie is called white man can jump
in Indiana they had to
also Hoosiers white man can't jump The movie is called White Men Can Jump in Indiana. They had to... Did you guys know?
That's just Hoosiers.
White Men Can Jump is what Bill Murray whispers to Scarlett Johansson at the end of...
At the end of...
Grand Rose.
Oh.
All right.
All right.
So it's my turn next.
I'm going to go ahead and follow what Jeff's doing there.
Because we played Woody Harrelson yesterday on stage here in the stand-up show.
And I'll put that on Doug Lowe's mini soon, but I haven't got around to it yet.
But, of course, we said Wildcats.
Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson.
Go ahead, DJ.
Blade. Blade Blade of course
I was going to go with Blade as well
So I'm going to go with Blade 2
Oh okay
Is that Roman numerals
Or a number
I'm going Roman
Yeah I think it is
Fun fact Blade 2 is the only movie I ever took a funnel, like I got a
funnel cake at the theater that night. I went
How the fuck did you do that?
I went all book. No, they had funnel
cakes at the theater, but I never got anything
that labor intensive.
It's called the circus.
And then
Jeff, we really are kind of up against it
time-wise, so hold all your stories
until the end.
You guys know where to find me.
That's what I meant.
Is it my turn again?
Tell your stories while passing it.
Is it my turn again?
Yeah, I'm going to say Money Train.
Yeah, get them all out there.
I'm going to say Money Train. Yeah, get them all out there. I'm going to go with, oh shit, what the fuck was that thing called that he did?
Oh yeah, Blade Trinity.
I couldn't remember the Trinity part.
It's the holiest of parts.
Isn't he Too Wong Fu?
Isn't he?
Too Wong Fu.
Too Wong Fu.
Full title.
You gotta say the full title.
Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar.
I really was looking forward to a struggle there.
You just...
No.
He was ready.
Just amongst friends, you just call it to Wong Fu.
You short it up.
Just with the Fu heads.
Oh, man. We called ourselves
the Wong boys.
Fu heads is so much better.
Fu heads is way better.
I was like, with six
free egg roll and two Wong Fu.
I'm going to go Demolition Man.
Oh, nice.
Oh, shit.
I'm going to go.
Jeff?
I'm going to say,
hang on,
here's what my answer is.
It is U.S. Marshals.
I knew it the whole time.
I couldn't remember what country the Marshals were from.
You would have figured out,
even if you had to look at every dog house,
out house, in house, house, house, house, house, house.
In the sequel, they just have that on pillows.
It's just been embroidered onto pillows.
Out house, dog house, waffle house, et cetera.
Waffle House, et cetera.
You guys, I don't think I'm going to last much longer.
I've come down with something.
Oh, no, what is it?
Jungle fever. Major League? Mm-hmm.
I mean, Major League, too.
I'm going to take the bet there.
Does that have more words in it or anything?
It's Major League Two, back in the habit.
It has no more words in it.
There are no more words in that title,
much like there's no Wesley Snipes in that movie.
Oh, that's right!
Take, take, take, take, that's right. Tate, Tate, Tate,
Tate, Tate,
Tate.
Why don't you go marry Wesley Snipes
all of a sudden?
I can't marry him. He's not allowed back
in the country, I think.
Alright, so Sean is out.
I'm out. Oh, snap.
I didn't know that was going to happen. Yeah, you fucking
just knocked him out with your
little jokes. Then faced me
at the same time. I know, man.
I took you out with your own weakness, which I think
is from the art of war.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
I mean.
That's a good one.
I have to say,
I'm the one person
who really loves Jeff Tate.
You could say I was the fan.
TJ? TJ I can't think of anything
but passenger 57
it's hard to work into a sentence
it is that's a hard one
I've been a lot of passengers
in my life
I'd like to be number 57.
Passager one.
DJ, we're running out of time.
Jeff.
It's about the creator of Heinz Ketchup.
it's about the creator of Heinz Ketchup I'm going to say Wildcats again
and just pass it on to Jeff
I like that strategy
Sugar Hill
yeah
yeah's right
I don't know.
I better hurry.
We got to get out of here, Jeff.
We don't want to be here past midnight, son.
What's it called?
No, that's not how this game works.
DJ.
New Jack City?
Yes!
Why did I not say that?
Jeff.
It's called Rising Sun.
Uh-oh.
Midnight Sun.
I loved Ethan Hawke and Wesley Snipes' romantic chemistry in Midnight Sun.
Oh, that was Chris Rock.
Oh.
And Wesley Snipes.
Got anything else?
I'm out.
You going to pull out a miracle?
I got nothing.
I'm out.
All right.
New Jack City 2.
Newer Jack City.
New Jack City 3, fully jacked.
It's just like a baked potato at that point.
All right. So, Jeff, I mean, you could say another one just to show off.
I could.
But that's not the kind of man I was raised to be.
Take, take, take, take, take.
Yeah, let's go to your mom
should he
should he just say
deal or no deal
hey Ma
do you want me to say
one more Wesley Snipes movie
sure
okay
uh
it's called
Chaos
and it has
uh
Raya Felipe
and Jason Statham
in it too
it's not good
nope you made that up
and that's totally
I did not make that up I did not make that up.
We'll get in touch
with the corrections department
and see if that's true.
But that's our winner, everybody.
Jeff Tate.
Nice work, Jeff.
Thank you, thank you.
DJ.
DJ did great.
That's right. That one guy is chanting DJ.
But, you know, try saying it twice next time,
because that's how you get a chant going.
Just yelling DJ is just like, yep, that's me over here.
You guys remember when I said Demolition Man,
and you guys were all like, yeah.
Yeah? That felt pretty good. You guys remember when I said demolition man and you guys were all like, yeah.
That felt pretty good.
Harmar! Harmar! Harmar! Harmar!
Stop it.
Harmar! All right, I need my first shifty's.
Harmar!
My second shifty's.
Superstar!
Harmar!
Superstar!
Harmar!
Superstar!
Harmar!
Superstar! Harmar! Superstar! Harmar Superstar! Harmar Superstar! Harmar Superstar! Harmar Superstar! Harmar Superstar!
Alright, now take that energy in on Monday.
We know who the real pity winner is tonight.
That's the most I've ever seen you move, Jeff.
It was just one arm, too.
Where's the person you were playing for, Jeff?
Where are they seated at?
Over there somewhere.
In the house somewhere.
Over there somewhere.
Sarah.
Do you want to?
There you are.
Jeff, can you bring the prizes from over here to over there?
And they can walk up and grab them.
Gotcha.
Can that work?
And while you do that, well, Harmar's got two mics.
Let's do a quick press conference.
I believe.
I believe.
Where are you going to be, and when are you going to be there, Sean Tillman?
Well, I'm going to be at the Twins game season opener Thursday, March 28th, singing the Star Spangled Banner.
And then I'm going to be, oh, I opened a bar in Moorhead, Minnesota,
called Harold's on Main.
So I'll be there hanging around sometimes.
If you want to come chill, I'll be there hanging around sometimes if you want to come chill.
I'll be DJing the 30th and then...
That sounds so fun.
We can just come visit you in your bar?
Yeah, I mean, if I'm there.
It's a great bar.
It's also three and a half hours
from my house, but I might just be there
sometimes.
I do go there a lot. It's fun.
Do you bring the ice?
I bring the ice up.
Yeah, check out
Harold's on Main
in Moorhead, Minnesota
next time you're
driving through Fargo.
I mean, just check out
Moorhead, Minnesota.
I mean, that sounds
awesome right there.
Exactly.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
You guys got it.
Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you.
I had a blast.
Thanks, Indianapolis.
Love you guys.
You're the best.
Y'all.
I'm going to say y'all.
DJ Dangler coming out of the gate.
Strong first ever episode.
Thank you.
You guys, wouldn't it be more fun to chant Dangler, dangler
But where can
Where are you going to be?
Where can we see you?
On April 11th, I'm at the Dayton Funny Bone
With Jason Mewes
And then the last full week of April
I'll be here in Indianapolis
As part of Yuckfest.
The big Yuckfest
comedy festival.
Very cool.
Jeff's
checking his schedule.
Jeff takes out his phone to get his
dates. I gotta get my schedule.
I wanted to say I'm alright.
April 4th through the 6th, I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana at the Comedy Attic.
Yes.
Doing stand-up, you'll hear jokes like this one.
No, what if I just.
And then April 28th
I'm doing
another live
Altered Tates
recording
at Go Bananas
in Cincinnati
me and my brother
have a podcast
so
at Go Bananas
it's a Sunday night
but it's free
it'll probably be free
I mean I don't know
it's not gonna be a lot
it's not gonna
you're not gonna show up
and be like
oh fuck
i should have brought a checkbook what's up i think that might be all my dates hey jeff what's
up i just wanted martin sheen to yell wallet at you thank you to all of my guests jeff tate
carmar superstar
and dj dangler Thank you to all of my guests, Jeff Tate, Harmar Superstar,
and DJ Dangler.
Standing ovation, this is incredible.
Okay, now that Jeff's gone, we have a few minutes.
I wanted to... I'm just kidding.
We're ending right on the nose,
but I wanted to say that Doug Loves Movies
is coming to Nashville September 13th at 4.20,
and there's no shitheads anymore,
so get ready with the end music,
because I'm going to say as always
positive energy!
Thank you!