Doug Loves Movies - Har Mar Superstar, Owen Egerton and Doug Mellard guest
Episode Date: March 18, 2019Live from the Stateside Theatre in Austin as part of SXSW, Doug welcomes Har Mar Superstar, Owen Egerton and Doug Mellard to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on S...titcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and maybe sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Yeah, coming to you once again. I'm so excited from the Stateside Theater on Congress.
It's right near the Capitol in Texas's Capitol, Austin.
I'm pretty good at this without my notes, aren't I?
Oh, shit, wrong side.
Hang on, so many sides to this piece of paper.
I love South by Southwest because I get to see lots of movies.
But the main reason that I love South by Southwest is because it's in Austin, Texas!
That was much smoother.
We'll cut out that other rambling part that i did before it's saturday march 16 2019 i put a lot of austinites on the guest list
and uh thank you guys for showing up if you you weren't here, still be nice people here.
We'd still have a nice time, but filled it up a little bit.
And I appreciate that.
Because like normally we're on Saturday like at 420.
And so we get a slightly bigger crowd in here, you know,
because we're not going up against the premiere of Pet Cemetery.
Like, I mean, I always love doing Douglas movies.
I never, ever while I'm doing it,
think that there's anywhere else I'd rather be.
But they put a goddamn premiere of the new Pet Sematary
next door.
It's practically, it's like we'll be able to hear
some of that shit through the wall probably
coming through from the good old Paramount. But anyway, I am very, very happy and excited to be
here. And I want to see what the name tag situation is. There will be Brian on the bowling
pin. That's a classic. We've seen that before. And on a stick. You really know what you're doing.
Hereditary.
That's, we've seen that one before, right?
Good job, Terry.
Friday the Toe Bay.
Your name's Toby?
Yes.
So instead of Friday the 13th,
you're Friday the Tobey.
But you have an amazing hockey mask
with lots of holes in it.
And then what part is it?
I can't see the bottom.
Oh, part three, Doug.
I wish.
I would play three parts
in a Friday the 13th movie
whenever they ask.
Wild, wild Jess. That's an art project right there. Whenever they ask. Wild Wild Jess.
That's an art project right there.
That's straight off the refrigerator.
Also this Army of Darkness.
Darknessa.
That's awesome.
Turn around and show everybody that one.
You don't have to stand, but look at that.
Oh, it's even got a little holder on the back
so she can just stick her hand in it.
Not get all...
What would you get from holding a name tag up for too long?
Carpal tunnel? Really?
And then there's a young lady here just holding up her festival badge,
which does not count.
We don't need no stinking badges.
It's all these art projects that matter. And this guy, what is that? We don't need no stinking badges.
It's all these art projects that matter.
And this guy, what is that?
You're just holding up a copy of Pet Sematary just to make me feel worse?
Why do you have to keep fucking rubbing it in, dude?
I'm here for you guys.
I don't care about that premiere next door.
But what'd you change it to?
Pet Sematary to what? Pet Sematary. I don't care about that premiere next door. But what'd you change it to?
Pet Sematary to what?
Pet Sematary.
Pet Sematary.
All right.
It's no hereditary, but I'll take it.
But anyway, great job, everyone.
And we can bring the house lights down now so that I can't see anybody anymore.
Perfect.
It's so weird. I've seen
lots of movies in this theater
and now I'm just sitting on the stage
and there's not going to be a movie.
Oh, they got my logo up there. That's nice.
Doug plugs.
Indianapolis, it's happening.
There's a new helium comedy
club in town and we are going to have a
gas when I do stand up on Saturday, March 23rd. That's a new Helium Comedy Club in town, and we are going to have a gas when I do stand-up on Saturday, March 23rd.
That's a week from today, at 420.
And special guest Jeff Tate will be there.
And I'm doing Douglas Movies Sunday, March 24th at 420 at Helium in Indy.
Douglas Movies is back in L.A. on Tuesday, March 26th at UCB Franklin at 9.30 p.m.
And we're returning to the Comedy Cellar at the Rio in Vegas
on Sunday, March 30th at 4.20.
For all my dates, we just added shows in Philly, D.C., and Baltimore.
Go to DougLovesMovies.com.
Let's DougLovesMovies.com!
Yeah!
Hoorah!
I mean, I really thought that it wouldn't be perfect
because, you know, there's plenty of people here
that are just attending a film festival
and came in here going, let's check out this movie.
And you're like, this is the longest goddamn intro to a film I've seen at this festival.
When is he going to start the Doug Loves Movies movie?
Which is something that I should make,
because there's probably some people out there listening that can never get,
you know, they're never close enough to the town I'm in doing the show
when I take it out on the road.
So it'd be great to be able to share this with everybody.
But people say to me all the time,
not all the time, once in a while,
you know, why don't you film these shows?
Why don't you make it a video as well as audio?
And it's because I love audio and podcasting
and the idea that, you know,
some people can only listen, they can't watch.
And so I'm doing this for them.
So I don't know what you guys are,
because I thought I really expected applause there.
So, um...
Too late, too late.
In the prize bag today,
I went nuts and brought a lot of stuff.
I'm glad this guy's back in his seat.
Because I was like, where did he go?
Because he didn't come back with a drink, so.
Oh, the drink was under his seat.
I get it.
He went to the bathroom
because now he's going to reload.
He's going to drink that next drink.
Oh, so a shirt from my friends at Magical Butter, a shirt from my friends at magical butter a shirt from
my friends at douglas movies uh a dude in dallas gave me a bunch of these uh wallet caddies it's
it looks like a stack of credit cards but you could put uh stuff in it hide it from the po-po Oh my god, funny story I was after a show
at the Alamo
Drafthouse Ritz downtown
I was walking down
that alley behind it, which
if you love the smell of pee, check it out sometime
and
if you just want to get back there and really soak it up
but I was walking down
that alley and I was walking by a group of like,
in a circle of people
all passing stuff around and smoking.
And this is, you know,
10 o'clock last night on a Friday night
during South By.
But also coming down the alley
are several cops with people in cuffs
that they're arresting
and they're just taking them
to the other side of the alley.
But I got to see one of the cops look at the smoking circle
and go, pay attention!
Because none of them even looked over
at all these cops walking by.
And he was so pissed, he was all, pay attention!
And then something to the effect of,
it was like something like, take that somewhere else, you know,
something like that.
I was just like, yeah,
because somewhere else is, you know,
the back room at almost every place,
every business in this town.
Just go back there and smoke.
But anyway, that was hilarious and awesome.
And I've got some,
I don't even know if these have expired or anything,
but I've got some coupons for Amy's ice cream.
They're gift certificates. They don't even say if these have expired or anything, but I've got some coupons for Amy's ice cream. They're gift certificates.
They don't even say how much they're for.
Oh, wait.
One small ice cream with one crush in or topping.
Yeah, so there you go.
There's two of those, so date night.
Now, this is crazy.
I was recently on a cruise
311 cruise
And a lady came up to me
And she's like
I want you to have these books
And I was like
Okay
One of them is called
E-Dating the Old School Way
A Comedic Guide to Online Dating
By Maura Stone
And the other is
Secrets in Seduction
By Cherry Blossom.
And she's like, I wrote both of these books.
And then with a little investigating,
it's really fun because one of the books,
where is it, let's see, yeah, here we go.
The Cherry Blossom book, on the back says,
Cherry Blossom is the anti- Annie East Nin of the 21st century.
Yeah, that quote was from Maura Stone.
That's why you should write more than one book, you guys,
because you can write a nice review about the other book and be on the back of it.
So check those out.
Those are going in the prize bag.
be on the back of it.
Check those out.
Those are going in the prize bag.
Also, I got lots of fun wristbands from people on the
311 cruise.
I'm going to fling some of those out into the crowd
during the show today
because I want to have friendship
with all of you.
I can't wait
to get my three guests out here.
It's always fun finding out who's in Austin and can do the show.
And three buddies of mine turned out to be available.
Again, there's no ladies on this one because I'm really trying to fight the matriarchy.
That's not why.
A lady that was going to be on canceled today because she got a better gig.
Please welcome Owen Edgerton,
Doug Millard, and Harmar Superstar.
Harmar!
There they are.
Oh, yeah.
Right in that guy's shoulder.
Sorry, sir.
Doug, did you already ask if any of these people
thought they were in line for Pet Sematary?
I would be so funny
if someone was just now realizing
that you're in Pet Sematary.
This is such a weird beginning.
You have a Stephen King book.
For sure.
Let's just reenact it.
Actually, we're just going to do a Q&A about Pet Sematary, but we haven't seen it yet.
Oh, right into his hands.
In our version, the cat lives.
Isn't that a better story?
Why are you sitting here spoiling it?
The other one.
Why are you spoiling the original?
That's like saying after Rocky II comes out,
this time he wins.
You're spoiling two movies at once.
Spoiler alert.
Eddie Furlong doesn't do too many movies after this one
It's okay, I like Eddie Furlong
I wish I'd see him in more things
Yeah, well, we'll see
Macaulay Culkin has a podcast
He's back
Doing it up
Let's meet my guests individually.
Starting with a gentleman, I think he was first to speak,
might be the winner of tonight's Pete Holmes Award.
Oh!
I've always wanted that award.
I interrupt along with the Master Pancake Fellows,
Leprechaun, a new Leprechaun movie every year.
We've been doing it for like seven years now.
And we couldn't do it without this man because you want the Leprechaun to be present.
It's Owen Edgerton, everybody.
Everybody.
I don't know what that guy yelled.
I know.
Clovertoe.
It sounds positive. I think he said Clovertoe. I don't know. That could go. I know. It sounds positive.
I think he said clover toe.
I don't know.
That could go either way.
It's kind of positive.
Yeah, last night Owen had on some leprechaun pants that were really,
he had like a male camel toe, whatever they call that.
It showed the ways of the pot of gold.
I think it's called a moose knuckle.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, I thought a moose knuckle
was just like
a bigger camel toe.
That's actually
kind of like those turtles
that you get
like as a Christmas present.
Sometimes the chocolate
and peanut treat.
Turtles.
What is?
What's happening?
I don't know what happens.
What are you saying?
I'm hanging out
with Doug Benson, you guys.
You know what's happening.
All
moose knuckles are treats.
Turtles.
Anyway, so...
I keep wanting to cross my legs now.
So that became the drinking game phrase
to yell out Owen's
clover
toe. Which really
means I have four testicles.
It was clever.
Wow.
And it's good luck to blow on them.
Wait, what do you do?
With a clover, I'm blowing over a four-leaf clover?
All right, we got to see this.
I don't know.
I've never heard that part.
I'm not Irish.
Four-leaf clovers are good luck, right?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Four-clover testicles.
And then you blow. I'm just? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Four-clover testicles. And then you...
I'm just going to...
Doug, who's next?
I was trying to pose for this photographer over here.
Yeah.
What?
It's going to be good.
And please put on the caption that Doug loves his Tito's.
Doug loves Tito's, your next podcast.
Sponsored by
AA.
My
Doug loves Tito's podcast will have questions like
is his name
really Tito Beverage?
And the answer is yes.
Boo!
Nice! I haven't hit And the answer is yes. Boo! Nice.
Oh, wow.
I haven't hit one empty seat the entire time.
Let's say hello to Doug Mellard, everybody.
Second best Doug in the world.
After Doug, Stanhope.
That's what I get sometimes.
Do you get either me or Stanhope when people come up to you?
Yeah, and none of any of us are alike at all.
Right, but once you've said Doug, who cares what the last name is?
There's not that many of us.
Just go for it.
You know, I always take it as a compliment.
I'm named after two Dugs.
What?
Yeah.
My dad said his two best friends were named Doug,
and he was like, I never met a Doug I didn't like.
Oh.
Right?
Right?
We're all the best.
We're likable.
So he made a Doug.
Yeah.
He fucked my mom till he made a Doug.
Fucked her hard.
Yelling Doug all the time.
Doug, Doug, Doug.
Let's make this fucking Doug.
I'm going to Doug in you, baby.
Peace and love, you guys.
Gave you the dog bug.
What was that?
8mm snuff film.
My mom's dead.
It's real dark.
Stop spoiling Pet Sematary.
That's Harmar Superstar!
Hello!
Hello!
I might call him Sean from time to time,
so don't get confused.
Oh, that's cool, yeah.
Two names.
It happens, you know, because we're friends.
It's weird calling you Harmar Superstar.
Yeah, especially since I require that you say the entire Harmar Superstar.
Or like you should tell people it's Mr. Harmar Superstar.
Harmar Superstar is my father's name.
You can call me Sean.
I like it.
Thank you for being here.
You always come and sing your heart out here all over Austin during South by End other times. Yeah. But you have
like a 1 a.m. show tonight?
I do. It's the only
Harmar set of the festival
that we're doing. It's at Cheer Up Charlie's.
Yeah, I've been with my
new band Heartbones all week playing
shows with a duo
that I have with Sabrina Ellis.
A giant dog and sweet spirit.
Yeah, it's a very fun band to be in and to write songs for.
But tonight it's just you.
It's all you.
It's all about me with the other eight dudes on stage.
How many layers do you wear to start?
I don't know.
It's a little chilly here in Austin these last couple days.
So it'll probably be a jacket, sweatshirt, some leggings, maybe some other leggings.
Maybe, I don't know.
But it's just amazing the precision with which, like, the show moves along.
Exactly.
Through the, you're taking off layers of clothes.
You really pace it nicely.
I just try, it's for photographers to know what point of the set I was at.
It progresses to more
and more moose knuckle. Exactly.
And it'd be a perfect flip
book, you know.
Sean, what'd you bring us for the prize?
Oh, okay. I've been on the show a bunch of times.
You always think about it.
You always bring something thoughtful. I do. I do.
I thought really far ahead on the street.
On the way here, I got some branded sunglasses by Jump Scooters.
I'm just going to keep handing this stuff off to you.
Oh, I got those for free?
I like those.
I know you're going to keep half of this stuff.
And I found this on the actual street.
DJ Tazi's mixtape, Bay is in the Area South by Southwest Edition
hosted by Mr. Fab. I don't know if it's
good or the content is anything I
agree with, but I'm guessing
probably amazing.
Brought some
Heartbones sleep masks.
I got two for you, one
for Alicia and you.
Did I just do something weird?
A Heartbones patch.
I don't know.
I just sort of threw this together
but I went way too overboard.
I got so excited about you guys.
I wanted to give you stuff.
A Heartbones Dirty Dancing shirt.
That's beautiful.
Yeah, Heartbones does a set
where it's all entirely songs from Dirty Dancing.
Yeah.
We've retired that, but we still do Hungry Eyes because we have to.
You have to.
I'm not going to just bring it out.
It's a wrapped up.
It's a shot glass that says keep Austin weird because obviously.
We are weird.
A Texas
Doug license plate
Whoa
That was my girlfriend's suggestion
He stole that off of my old car
When I lived here
Your tiny tiny car
Sorry and I went way
Way over so I got a
Ten dollar Taco Bell gift card
Here
Plus a hundred pesos Oh shit So I got a $10 Taco Bell gift card here. Plus 100 pesos.
Oh, shit.
100 goddamn pesos.
Oh, that's good.
Crazy.
We have that bag, too, though.
That's going to come in handy.
Put all that stuff back in there.
Oops, I dropped the heart bones patch.
What do you got for us, Doug?
So, I got some merch from my favorite local Austin band,
the legendary Riverboat Gamblers.
Oh, yeah.
Hell yeah.
You guys know them?
Woo.
They're amazing.
I got a couple albums and an EP.
Two on vinyl, an EP on vinyl, a full album on vinyl,
and one on CD. And then I've also got my first album on compact disc, because I know all the kids are playing
that these days. It's called Fart Safari. And then I've got a digital download card
of my latest album, Fart Safari 2 Fart Harder so and I'll be
recording my third album Fart Safari 3 Fart Hard with a Vengeance here in
Austin next fall so. Are you eventually gonna do a good day to fart hard? Oh yeah
for sure. I don't know what to do after five though to fart hard? Oh, yeah. For sure.
I don't know what to do after five, though, right? There's just five?
Yeah, what was four called?
Oh, live free or fart hard.
Yeah.
I think
they're doing prequels soon, though, right?
Oh, maybe, yeah. Prequels?
I think, yeah, it's called Farted Hard.
That's awful to do a prequel to Die Hard
because the idea, like, that would mean in the first
Die Hard, he's like, I've been in worse.
I've been in
situations like this before. It's cool.
Yeah, he's like seven.
And who plays the young
Bruce Willis, or hopefully just he does,
try to play himself younger.
Yeah, They made Sam
Jackson all young for Captain Marvel.
So anything can happen at this point.
He must have been working out for
weeks to do that.
Captain Marvel?
Weeks.
Just a couple weeks.
What do you have for the bag, Owen?
I found this in that alleyway you were talking about.
Behind the Alamo.
What is this giant garbage bag full of?
It's a bucket of piss.
I don't know why they chose to piss in a bag,
but I appreciate the efficiency.
I usually try really hard for stuff
when I come on your show, Doug,
of good gifts and everything, good prizes.
And I was going to bring actually a Blu-ray
of my movie Bloodfest,
but I know you all own it already.
So that's not true.
I couldn't find it.
But then I was like, oh, I've got something perfect.
And so last night, Doug and I, as Doug was mentioning,
we did Leprechaun Origins.
And for those of you who don't know,
which I'm presuming is all of you,
Origins doesn't really have a traditional leprechaun.
It has like a little monster leprechaun.
He's like a green little golem kind of puppet.
Not the best made puppet that kind of runs around
and eats people.
Can you do me a huge favor?
Yeah.
Put that microphone down.
Yeah.
Go up into the lobby and put that on and then run down the stairs with it on.
This is a podcast.
I know.
That's why I love it.
This is for a gag.
I want the people in the room
to have a special experience.
All the listeners.
I mean, you can
just put it on right
there, but
because last night we're doing the leprechauns
thing. Was that like a weird
kind of move because he's dressed too nice?
Well, he's got a nice jacket and a tie and everything,
so it might not match very well.
But he also went out the back way.
He didn't go up to the lobby, so we'll see what happens.
But when he had this thing on last night
and was running amongst people in the theater,
it was simultaneously hilarious and terrifying.
Because he was knocking glasses over and shit.
I came, like, three times.
I thought it was hot.
You were there last night?
No.
You're just telling us what you did instead?
That's what I'll be doing later, too.
Now I'm wondering what he's
up to, because it shouldn't
take this long.
He might have just left. He might just
be mad at me.
He just took off.
This is really suspenseful now.
He's squeezing in.
Maybe he got lost and he's going to run out in front of the screen at Pet Sematary.
Yeah.
There's not enough of that, like, 50s, you know, horror movie thing where, like, the
Tingler and stuff, like, and where they, like, hire people to dress up and then run through
the crowd.
You know, that sort of shit's terrifying.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
Do you have a microphone?
That was loud and clear.
That's what he was doing last night, Doug.
He was terrifying all of us.
Is that God?
Although, again, the listeners
probably couldn't hear him, but...
He's dead.
For sure. I mean, now it's going to be
really interesting because I'm thinking
maybe he's taking that whole suit off.
Wait!
Oh!
Oh, my God! Oh Oh my god
Oh my god
What
I'm a wee green lad
From out of town
Get that lady
Get that lady right there
Get her
Oh my god
Oh no
If only you could see this.
I hope you don't edit any of this for the podcast either, because...
We are reenacting Pet Sematary.
Yeah.
And he also can't see very well.
Yeah.
So that's why he was knocking glasses over last night.
It's because he can't tell where he's going.
I mean, I'd be sad, but if he broke his neck, I'd also laugh
really hard.
Those fucking weird hands.
It's a cow mask
turned inside out and drawn on.
There you go. There's the steps.
Over here.
Over here.
Good God.
All right.
He's back up on the stage.
Oh shit.
Don't hit my table.
So that's got some,
that's got a prize bag is an interpretive dance by a weird cow monster.
He did it.
There he is.
It's really Owen.
Everybody.
Oh, How's it going, everybody? Ah. Ah.
Oh, Jesus, God.
Well, you put the feet on and everything. I did.
You know, most people could not see your feet
when you were...
I know.
Had no idea.
I don't know why I started with the feet, but I forgot to put
breath holes
in the trash bag.
And I was having
a lot of trouble
breathing
or seeing anything.
That's how children
die all the time.
Pet cemetery again.
This is why
Leprechaun Origins
was the least successful
Halloween costume of 2018.
Man, you have shit all over your face.
I don't know what is that.
That's just his face.
Oh.
So, anyway, my prize today
is the handmade but amazingly accurate
mask and arms of leprechaun origins
one of a kind.
Now containing both my sweat
and vomit.
People are running from the theater after that.
Or they're like, wait,
this really isn't Pet Sematary.
And my cum.
Remember?
I'm not going to put that in the prize bag.
They can carry that separately.
Whoever the lucky
winner is on this
show tonight.
There are people shaking their heads going,
not me.
Now, since you went to all that trouble for me, Owen,
I appreciate it.
Sure, don't.
So I'm going to take a moment to talk to you
about your latest project,
because you have a new movie
that we shall be able to see soon.
That's right, I do.
Thank you.
I have a new horror movie
that I filmed called Mercy Black,
and it is about to come out.
It's actually going to be available out...
Is something coming out of you?
It would be amazing if a leprechaun came out of my mouth.
Anyway, Mercy Black is coming out really, really soon
for reasons I don't quite fully understand.
I can't tell you exactly when
or exactly who's distributing the film,
but I made the movie with Blumhouse,
and it's a very, very
scary movie, and
it involves children hurting children
and monsters.
So I think you're going to love the fuck out of it.
And I can't wait for you guys to see it.
I'm actually really proud of this one.
All right, well, once you have...
Once he has more information,
he'll tweet about it, I'll tweet about it,
and we'll let you know where to see it.
We'll all tweet about it, let's promise, right?
We'll all watch the movie and tweet about it.
There's some good tweeters here today
because a lot of these people are here
because I just tweeted,
hey, let me know if you want to come and
We made a list and I think I think they all got in that's the exact sentence. I used to meet my wife
Let me know if you want to come
The mic drop is reserved for successful jokes.
Well, but it was like a droopy mic drop.
Yeah, it was really just...
Okay, quick question for each of you
before we get to the game portion of the show.
We'll start with you, Sean,
because Owen needs to take a drink
and a breath.
Wow, and you left your tie on through that whole thing, too.
I left my jacket in the lobby.
It's probably gone.
It's a nice jacket.
There's no way it's going to be there when the show's over.
Things I do for you.
Sean?
Yes?
What was the last movie you saw?
Oh, man.
Was it here at South By?
No, I didn't see anything.
I'm trying to think.
I didn't even think about this.
Can you skip me for a second
so I can remember?
It's a tough question.
I know.
When somebody says to me,
what did you have for breakfast
this morning?
Exactly.
Give me a minute.
Can you give me three minutes?
Yeah.
Give me a three minute egg.
Three minute egg.
Doug, what was the last movie you saw?
I saw Captain Marvel.
Yes!
Yeah.
I haven't seen it yet.
Do you have positive feelings?
It was Captain Marvel-ing!
Yay!
See, that's how it's done, Owen.
You gotta say something amazing like that
Fucking jam
So good
I just kill myself right after that
Good night
Oh don't
Oh sorry
No you'll ruin it for all the Dougs
No it was great
Everybody would be sad about our name
I'm glad you liked it
And I can't wait to see it.
I just did a film festival, so I'm seeing film festival films.
It's action-packed, and the comedy's really good,
and I'm excited about, like...
And young Sam Jackson didn't bother you?
It was weird that they made him out to be, like, four.
Like, he's four years old in the movie.
What? Yeah yeah it's
like that that and yeah it's it was like a little freakish but it's pretty
obvious that it's you know it was a four-year-old Nick Fury's just hanging
out yeah he's like the tag along Captain Marvel so I heard they never say the
words Captain Marvel in the entire movie? I yelled it throughout. Okay, good.
Yeah, at the arc. Yeah, because that's the way I'm
going to be. It seems remiss in not
mentioning it. I just have it once in a while. This is Captain
Marvel, if you're wondering
what movie we're watching. It drove me nuts. I was just like,
Captain Marvel!
I can't think of it!
Say your name!
Sorry, that was very loud
are there scenes at the end
do we have to sit through the credits
yeah some good ones
that's all I need to hear
I hate it when they
every once in a while they won't have a scene
or it'll be a terrible scene
doesn't mean anything
it's worth waiting for
you're stuck watching all those people who worked so very hard
to make a movie and their one moment of glory.
Yeah, that's a waste of time for sure.
Thank you.
I'm talking about...
I'm talking about like 15-minute credit sequences.
At the end of Venom, they just showed a scene from Spider-Verse,
Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse, which is great.
I love that movie, but I didn't need to see a whole scene from it
at the end of a movie that barely had anything to do with.
Yeah, that's true.
I just wish there was a scene from Meatballs or something even more random.
You should check this out, too.
Casablanca.
I saw a movie today
called the Peanut Butter
Falcon and yeah
people here at this festival are loving it.
It was really entertaining. I enjoyed it
a great deal but
at the end of the screening today
they were starting the Q&A.
They like start the Q&A sometimes while the credits are still
rolling. And then a post-credit
scene came on, but the sound
was off. But then the
directors also go, there's two directors on stage,
they're just like, oh, don't, just
disregard this. We're going to cut this.
We're going to cut this
bonus scene that we threw on at the end.
But you guys got to see it.
And then they described what was happening in the scene.
Sounds funny to me.
I would leave it in if I were them.
Because that'd be weird just to have a regular narrative film
that's not part of any series.
But then they have to go to every theater
and do that fake Q&A every time where the sound is off.
And it's like a whole production.
That did make it more funny.
One of the directors of that movie was barefoot on stage
and his like
five year old daughter
came up on stage
and was dancing around
while he's trying
to answer questions.
It was,
the movie
and the people
who made it
were very entertaining.
Awesome.
Yeah,
I had a nice time.
Shia LaBeouf's in it.
Oh yeah.
He's the star of it
and I couldn't be
happier about it.
And a young Samuel L. Jackson.
He's in all the movies now.
Yeah, he's 12 in this one.
Up and coming.
He's got a career ahead of him.
Owen, what was the last movie you saw?
Well, funny enough, I saw a movie.
We saw a movie last night, of course, Leprechaun Origins.
It would have been the last movie I've seen.
And what a way to die if that was the last movie I watched.
Oh, no, yeah.
Let's skip to the one before that.
Yeah.
Well, no, no, I saw a movie after.
I got home pretty late.
But then I was like, I got Shudder.
Do you guys know what Shudder is?
Like horror?
Yeah.
Yeah, Shudder's awesome.
Thanks for bringing it up.
It's the sponsor of this episode.
Oh, well, hot damn.
So I love Shudder.
So I got home last night and I watched Let's Scare Jessica to Death.
Oh, that's a classic.
Fucking great.
And I'd never seen it.
It came out in 71.
It's a really weird kind of mental weird movie and vampires and country living and New York sex.
And it's great stuff.
Lots of 70s type sex style.
And I watched that last night.
Big Bushes?
You mean the presidents?
Like Barbara Bush had a Big Bush in it?
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace, Barbara's Bush.
I keep wanting to make a joke, but they're just horrible.
Actually, there was no pubic hair, I got to say.
I was like, for a 70s movie, there was very little pubic hair.
Nope. I don't like it.
You mean you just didn't see people naked from the waist down?
They weren't shaved.
Well, I don't know.
That wasn't a thing yet.
Yeah, that's true. It wasn't a thing yet.
They just didn't show it
It wasn't like
Don't Look Now
Which has like
So much pubic hair
It's just
It's like top billing
It's weird that we're
Sitting around making
A bunch of bush jokes
And you're acting all like
That's gross
And then you keep saying
Pubic hair
To me that is so much
More disgusting
Than something fun
And fluffy like a bush.
There's nothing...
At least say pubes.
That's kind of cute.
That's inaccurate.
I'll call them what God called them.
Pubic hair.
Love nest.
It seems like your education wasn't good.
It seems like you might have gone to pubic school.
Love nest. It seems like your education wasn't good.
It seems like you might have gone to pubic school.
We've got to play some games.
What's your answer, Sean?
I just remembered the last thing I watched was Skyscraper,
and I fell asleep halfway through.
Because you're like, where's that damn rampaging monkey?
When is he going to show up?
All right. Thanks for your answers to show up? Alright.
Thanks for your answers.
Thanks for your honesty
and your complexity. But now I have
to say, let the games begin!
Gentlemen, we got some name tags out
there for you to choose from. Some people will try to
hand you their badge, but unless it's
platinum, don't take it.
It's not going to get you in
anything, especially at this point.
But, yeah,
go ahead and grab your name tags while you do that.
We'll do this.
Go into that sponsor I mentioned earlier.
We'll be right back.
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Oh, we're back.
Hey, guys.
Great job.
Let's see what you picked, starting with you, Sean.
I went Hereditary because the artwork is just fantastic.
It's a classic one.
It's really, Jeff Tate's really beautiful as the little girl in Hereditary.
And they got Dale Cheeseman and me and Chris Cubis on there
and it's really well done.
And it's autographed by you.
Yeah.
No, he's already, his name tag's already been chosen.
Did you win?
Oh man, I didn't know.
You didn't win?
See, I want to bring it home for you.
He's going to bring it home for you too.
I think that's the goal here.
You're going to win that disgusting leprechaun costume.
Yeah. But not unless Doug has something to say about it
You picked one of the creative ones that I enjoyed
Out there in the audience, Doug, tell us about it
It's Army of Darknessa
So
And that's one of the best films ever
God
I love it, I love the way you think
It's very textured
It's very soft
it makes me feel safe
feel it
seriously
people named Doug
like textures
we're very
wow
really serious
into touching things
yeah
okay
I like it when you guys
touch my sign
yeah
take it off
take it off your lap
what do you got there, Owen?
I believe it's a softball
And it says a number of different things on it
Should I just read all of it?
I guess
Okay, because it says positive push
Oh, this is a
I know what this is
And then the second part too?
Yeah
You got it
Yeah
Yeah
These are our dear departed friend Brody Stevens, the comedian And then the second part too? Yeah. You got it. Yeah. Yeah.
These are our dear departed friend, Brody Stevens, the comedian.
Those were some of his catchphrases.
And he loved baseball.
So now I'm going to start crying. That's an awesome thing to do.
That's rad.
And what's the name on it?
There is no name on it.
That's fine.
So it's just a ball you happen to have with Brody Stevens' exclamations on it?
What's your name, though?
Katie.
Katie.
That's good.
That's a good one.
We'll remember.
Well, now she has to win.
Katie, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good job.
Just put your name on it next time.
Or you're trying to preserve it as a, you don't want your name on there.
Yeah.
Okay.
You did the right thing.
Let's start with a game that I like to play whenever I'm in Austin because that's where
I learned to play it. It's Alex's
Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
101X.
By the way, I will be podcasting
with Jason and Deb from the Kung Fu
Saloon here in Austin
on 6th Street tomorrow
from about 1 to 3 o'clock for our
annual I Get Together With Them
Every St. Patrick's Day
and Drink Too Much Too Early
So I know the listeners are not going to hear this in time
to make it out, but we'll see some of you guys there
this game
is based off of
the IMDB
site I'm going to name
what's that
it's a site
those initials stand for
I am Doug Benson
and it's a site that I
created so that people can find
out all the things I know about movies.
That's
very helpful. So there's a lot of
things are missing, a lot of information is incorrect.
But
on the
IMDb page, they'll say best known
for, for each performer, each actor
or actress, they'll say best known for
and list four things. So I'm going to start
naming four things that are on somebody's
IMDb page. Buzz in
with your own name when you think you know it
and then guess
and if you're right, you get points. But if
you're wrong, it's negative one points.
You might want to listen for a few titles
If I say Doug, you're going to
know it's not you, right?
Before jumping in there.
Yeah, I'm glad you said that, because if you
jump in with Doug, I might just blurt out the answer.
So I don't want anybody
to get confused.
So that's good.
And yeah, then once you do, like some people
blurt out their name and the answer all at once,
but just in case someone else is, you know, neck and neck with you on yelling names.
Doug.
What's happening?
You're both wrong.
A negative one for each of you.
I win.
Yeah.
You didn't win yet.
Oh.
All right, let me get a pen out, because I really am going to keep track.
This first.
Oh, and you get bonus points for naming additional movies
that are in their top four,
but that's after you get in and get it right.
Yeah, get to that later.
This is weird, too, right?
IMDb is kind of weird about this.
Oh, yeah, the algorithm is,
nobody knows what the fuck is up.
Plus, if you get IM up. Plus, people can,
if you get IMDB Pro,
you can go in
and change your own
top four.
What you're known for?
Top four, yeah.
You can?
Yeah.
So sometimes you're like,
oh, yeah,
Nicolas Cage
picked those four.
Yeah.
Or Harmar Superstar
known for Top Gun.
Oh, no,
you have to be in it.
You can't just pick
things you're known for that you're not in.
I think they do double check on that.
He was in that volleyball scene.
Yeah, I remember.
I was actually everybody in the volleyball scene.
You were so good.
Pre-Eddie Murphy, you know.
Okay, so here we go.
The first movie that this person is supposedly best known for
is a film called Nebraska.
Then the second title is The Hateful Eight.
Then we've got...
Sean.
Sean, what do you think?
Bruce Dern?
That is correct. Fuck. I was going to think Bruce Dern That is correct
I was going to say Laura Dern
What a weird guess that would have been
So close and yet so far
So that's 1.4 Sean
And now Sean you get to guess
Two more movies that you think are in
Bruce Dern
The great Bruce Dern the great Bruce
Dern's top four
God now I'm like blanking
I was so surprised that I remembered his name
just off the top of my head right now
I hope he's listening I haven't been thinking yet
today
Skyscraper
the land before time you know he The Land Before Time.
You know, he would improve either of those.
That's negative two.
We don't take away on these.
I'm in the bonus layer.
These are just bonus points.
I'm basically in the South by Southwest gifting suite
of the level of the game.
But of course course he was in
the Tom Hanks classic, The Burbs.
And he was in
a little thing called
Django Unchained.
Yes. From the same director as
Hateful Eight. Spielberg.
Mm-hmm.
All right. So you only got one point on that,
Sean, but that's one more point than these other
two guys have.
Next round.
The first title is a motion picture called Sideways.
Oh, also, a theme might emerge, but I'm stressing might.
Because I don't think you guys will recognize the theme,
but I know about it.
Some people in the audience will get it, so
don't yell out when you figure it out.
So the first movie, Sideways.
Lots of actors in that, so I see
why you're waiting. Second movie,
Spider-Man 3.
Oh.
Mr. Marr.
What? Sean. Sean.
You tried to call his name?
Whose name did you... Sean?
Thomas Hayden Church.
That's right.
Thomas Hayden Church.
That's correct.
Dang it.
Why did you say someone else's name?
Yeah, did you just want me to go?
I thought it was funny.
Oh, yeah.
But then I got it right, so that was perfect.
But you were picturing him in your head,
and you just couldn't think of that name?
Yeah, I thought it was Thomas Hayden
Churchfield. I don't know. Church
Hill. It's kind of not fair if the guy has three
names in one.
Yeah, and they're all first names, right?
Church? Yeah.
Church.
So now you get two more stabs
at other
as I like to call them, THC,
other films that he's done.
Does it have to be films, or can I say wings?
You could say wings.
You could say divorce.
I wouldn't recommend either.
Oh, okay.
Saying them, not watching them.
Watch them all you want.
I honestly only know that he was in Wings.
I'm trying to think of like.
That was his big start, yeah.
God. He was in Divorce. in Wings. I'm trying to think of like... That was his big start, yeah. God.
He was in Divorce.
And Wings.
He was in Love Once.
Can we just do our favorite quotes of Lowell from Wings?
Oh, his name is Lowell.
That's good.
Wow.
That'll be the one thing I remember.
Yeah.
I just like that the audience knows you know something.
Carlito's wings.
Are you done guessing?
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, you never would have got these.
I didn't even know he's in the last one.
He's in Tombstone.
What?
He's in that?
Yeah.
He's in that mustache parade.
And then he is also in Easy A.
Really?
Oh, yeah, okay.
I didn't remember that.
I didn't either.
Yeah, all right.
But you got two points now, Sean.
Hey, guys.
This game is yours to lose.
This is humiliating.
Come on, Owen and Doug.
Do you want to test your buzzers real quick?
Owen.
Sean.
Mr. Marr.
Stop doing it wrong.
Ah!
That would be hilarious
if somebody on a game show just kept
reaching over and pressing the person next to them
as buzzer.
I think we did that to each other sometimes on
At Midnight. Okay.
Third round starts with
Fifty Shades of
Grey.
If anybody can name more than two actors from that movie, I'd be surprised.
The second title, The Social Network.
Oh, Owen.
Sean.
What do you got, Owen?
White people fucking.
And I think I know the other four movies that they're known for
I don't know
you really want a negative one
for what you just said
wow
was it really worth it
yeah where's your pot of points now
leprechaun
alright Yeah, where's your pot of points now, Leprechaun?
All right.
Sean did buzz in.
Dakota Johnson.
That's right.
Okay.
I did not expect you to run away with this.
I thought I brought you some competitors.
Well, then I'm really terrible at the next level, so... What do you think about other movies that Dakota
Johnson's been in?
Batteries Not Included.
No.
Big Fat Liar?
No.
With Frankie Muniz and
Paul Giamatti.
I was hoping it was Paul Giamatti
the last question
so I could at least talk about Big Fat Liar for a second.
He's a blue meanie in that.
Yeah, he's painted blue.
They really went for it with her.
Her next two are Fifty Shades Freed and Fifty Shades Darker.
Oh, yeah.
I actually forgot what they were called.
They really reduced her to just the Fifty Shades lady
plus one scene with Justin Timberlake. Wait, what was the last one? Fifty Shades what? Blacker. They really reduced her to just the Fifty Shades lady plus one scene with Justin Timberlake
in the social network.
Wait, what was the last one?
Fifty Shades what?
Blacker?
Darker.
Darker.
Darker.
I thought you said,
I heard Fifty Shades.
Fifty Shades Decker.
That's what I meant to say.
They did a tie-in
with a buzzsaw.
I heard Fifty Shades Dunkirk.
Oh,
that's a great idea.
All those dudes fucking the whole movie.
Or not fucking, trying to write up contracts for their sex life that they can't agree on.
That could be in there.
There's a lot of negotiation.
You know what?
I'm going to call this game because this is stupid.
Yeah, that's a runaway.
Sean won that game, everybody.
I'm a superstar!
Woo!
Woo!
All right.
Oh, sorry.
This next game,
this game, you guys,
I'm so excited to get to do it again here in Austin.
We did it the other night.
It is,
I can't tell you how many responses I've gotten
about this game on Twitter. I can't tell you how many responses I've gotten about this game on Twitter.
I can't tell you, zero.
But this is a game I enjoy very much.
It's called Goo Goo or Gaga.
See, people love it.
They're just not letting me know.
They're not bothering with social media.
They're just letting me and my gut know
that this is a great game.
I'm going to name...
Sean, you get to go first.
We're going to go to you guys one at a time.
Okay.
Sean, I'm going to name a movie,
and you tell me if it's got a song on the soundtrack by the Goo Goo Dolls
or Lady Gaga.
This is awesome.
Or neither.
Oh, what?
There's a neither option?
There's a neither option.
Because their songs are not in every movie, as it turns out.
Is it even a film if there isn't a Goo Goo Dolls or Gaga song in it?
That's the question.
I don't know why they would bother to not have a Goo Goo or a Gaga.
Is there a both?
No.
No, there's not a both.
Not that I'm aware of.
Not yet.
I've done a lot of research into this.
By the way, Mercy Black coming out soon.
Soundtrack available.
Do you have hit tunes on the soundtrack?
Hit?
No, not hit.
Songs?
Songs by known artists?
Or are you breaking artists with this?
Known artists.
Known artists.
Can you name one?
Bob Schneider.
Bob Schneider has a song on there.
Bill Pasolacqua.
Yeah.
Are these like
Austin musicians
or something?
Bob Schneider.
Bob Schneider's
an Austin treasure.
Yeah.
We love Bob.
Well, that's what I figured
because they all clap for him.
Yeah, yeah.
The second one,
not so much.
Bill Pasolacqua
used to be a treasure.
He moved to Indiana
for the music scene.
And he stopped being a treasure?
He stopped being a treasure there.
Former treasure, now in Indiana.
He's a brilliant folk artist.
He's one of my favorites.
He's awesome.
He's no Riverboat Gamblers, though.
Am I right?
Woo!
Oh, yes, he is.
So you've got to pay attention on this one,
because if Sean gets it wrong
Then it goes to Doug
He's gotta narrow it down to two options
And if he gets it wrong
Owen it's a gimme for you
But I've seen weirder things happen
I'm so confused
You'll be fine
Just be quiet for a little bit
Okay
When I say your name, light up.
Okay.
Sean, the motion picture,
not to be confused with the band
or the character from The Office,
Creed.
Goo Goo, Gaga, or neither?
I'm going to go Gaga.
I'm going Gaga.
That's the calmest anybody's ever said that sentence.
I'm going to go Gaga.
I'm going to go Gaga.
Incorrect.
Doug?
Damn it.
Was it Goo Goo or neither?
I'm going to go neither.
The motion picture Creed. Neither. That is correct. Woo! Doug was it Goo Goo or Neither I'm gonna go Neither
the motion picture Creed
Neither
that is correct
on the board
I thought he pumped himself up to Lady Gaga
like the whole movie
I wasn't even listening the whole time
sometimes I just hear music that I want to
you make your own soundtrack
Owen gets this next one
I have to start with this one?
Yeah.
So you get three things to choose from.
The motion picture Batman Forever.
Which, first of all, too long.
Okay.
I am going to go pretty solid, Goo Goo.
You're going solid, Goo Goo?
Yeah.
Incorrect.
Oh.
Sean?
Neither.
Neither is right.
All right, Sean is on the board over here.
That would be insane if Lady Gaga was on there somehow.
That would be great.
She was like four.
Yeah.
With Nick Fury. It's be great. She was like four. Yeah. With Nick Fury.
It's like Bugsy.
Doug, the film is called In the Land of Women.
What do you think?
I have no idea what that movie is.
I don't mind telling you
because your competitors will hear as well.
Okay.
It stars that one guy from...
It stars that one guy from the OC
and some girl.
Adam Brody?
And Meg Ryan.
Yeah, Adam Brody.
And Meg Ryan.
So that probably isn't much help.
God bless for I Am Doug Benson.
At least you know the genre kind of.
I'm going to say Goo Goo.
You're going Goo Goo?
A Noo Noo.
Ah!
As soon as you said the OC guy,
I was like, oh, for sure, Goo Goo.
No?
What do you think, Owen?
What was the movie again?
It's called In the Land of Women.
I'm going to say Gaga.
I'm going to say Nana.
I have a guess.
Sean?
It would be Neither.
That is correct.
No matter how you say it.
Neither. All right. matter how you say it. Neither.
All right.
Back to you, Doug.
It's for you, Terry.
The movie is called Bumblebee.
I'm going to go Gaga.
Nope.
God damn it!
Oh, fuck, it was in the 80s.
Oh, what?
Oh, it's a period piece?
No, I'm giving it away.
I'm going to, for this particular historical drama,
I will guess Gugu.
No.
I'm seeing a pattern emerging in the answers here.
What do you think it is, Tom?
I think it might be Neither Again.
Okay, that is correct.
For the fourth time in a row.
Wait, do none of these movies,
do any of them have Goo Goo or Gaga?
Listen, I have the soundtrack for every one of these movies.
But sometimes I get them all mixed up in my head.
Owen.
Man of Steel.
Neither?
That's correct.
There we go.
Now here comes the trickery.
I feel a mischief about.
I was ready for that moment when Superman went to high school
and was singing He Was Only a Freshman.
He does a dance routine to...
Sean, what did you hear when you watched that movie?
Man of Steel?
Yeah.
Just my entire catalog.
Alright, Sean.
Steel Magnolia's soundtrack, actually.
Sorry.
Yes.
Love, comma,
Simon.
I could see
there being Gaga in that
film, so I'm going to say Gaga in that film,
so I'm going to say Gaga.
That is correct.
Good God.
Sean!
On fire.
You broke the chain right there, you guys.
I knew mischief was afoot.
A marching band plays bad romance.
In that movie.
Also in The Other Sister.
Yeah.
We're back to you.
We're back to you here, Owen.
Oh.
Oh, and I skipped Doug?
Oh, yeah.
I did?
I skip him every time?
Man, I didn't even fucking know.
Well, it depends.
You're doing great, Doug.
Yeah.
Both of you.
All right, Doug.
The movie's called
Freddy's Dead,
The Final Nightmare.
Neither.
Nope.
God damn it!
What?
Is it coming to me right now?
Because I just watched this movie four nights ago.
I'm not proud of it.
And so you know the answer?
Yeah.
What is it?
Goo Goo.
That's right.
Wow. Wow. That's right Wow
Why is there a Goo Goo Dolls song
In a Freddy Krueger movie?
Why did you have to check your paper?
Because for the same reason I'm asking you
Why is there a Goo Goo Dolls song?
It's because you get a glimpse into
Freddy's actual home life
And when he goes to unwind
At the end of the day
He really likes to jam out to some Goo Goo Dolls
and just crack open a beer with just his claw hand.
He just claws open a beer.
In a nice warm bath.
He plays guitar, you know.
Just a few songs, a few chords.
Let's see if Doug, I got it.
Sean wins this game.
What?
I've gotten two correct. Yeah, he got four. Oh. Let's see if Doug... Sean wins this game. What?
I've gotten two correct.
Yeah, he got four.
Oh.
But just for fun, Doug,
what do you think the answer is for Son-in-Law?
It's a Pauly Shore movie.
Oh, neither.
It's Goo Goo.
It's Goo Goo.
I was going to say, man. I thought that was too early.
Do you know Pauly Shore?
Jesus.
What do you think? Goo Goo Doll's been around forever. I thought that was too early. You know Pauly Shore. What do you think?
Goo Goo Dolls has been around forever.
I mean, that's the main thing is Goo Goo Dolls and Gaga have hardly crossed over.
They were both in different times.
Yeah, I thought they were like 97.
I thought Son-in-Law was like 91 or something.
And what about Tommy Boy?
Tommy Boy.
Goo Goo Dolls.
Yeah.
Thank God, finally.
Goo Goo!
God, the Goo Goo Dolls made a lot of money
I think so
Now they're all dead
It's fucked up
Well they age backwards
That's the thing
They're like Jonathan Winter
Did only one Gugu write the songs though?
Because that's where the money's at, right?
Publishing
Yeah, I think it was Goo One.
Gross.
That was Goo Two, actually.
That's a gross expression.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Let's decide this thing.
Let's come out of here with a winner.
So Sean has won both games, though, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, so we're
dead ducks.
You never know how this might go. You got a lifeline.
The person whose name tag you chose
you get to go to once. So Owen can go to
Katie. Katie. And Sean
can go to Terry and Doug
can go to
Vanessa? What was it?
Vanessa.
Sort of for Vanessa. Okay? It was short for Vanessa?
Okay, cool.
Doug, you left me hanging there.
Oh, sorry.
Goo Goo Dolls.
Yeah, I was thinking Goo Goo Dolls in my head.
All right, so Sean gets to go first again,
but this time, legit, I'm going to do this right this time.
We'll switch the order around, so it's going to go, each round, it's going to go Sean again, but this time, legit, I'm going to do this right this time. We'll switch the order around. So it's going to go,
each round, it's going to go Sean,
Owen?
I want to play two, though.
So it's going to go Sean, me, Owen, and then
Doug. Good. Yeah.
It'd be really funny if you forgot my name.
Just read that
license plate, man. I mean, I've probably told you this before
But you don't look like a Doug to me
Oh wow
I don't think anybody does
Remember George Clooney on ER
Everybody would call him Doug
That made no sense
It was a compliment that you don't look like a Doug
I just think it's some
You know guy in Canada.
No offense to Canada, but that name Doug seems to come up a lot in kids in the hall sketches.
I think they say Doug up there.
Doug?
Yeah, they say Doug.
Okay.
I'll just say it right now.
Fuck Canada.
No!
Wow.
Wow.
I like Canada.
Good night.
It's my favorite country. Sorry like Canada. Good night. It's my favorite country.
Sorry, America.
Sorry, US.
Let's legalize this shit.
Maybe you'll contend.
My favorite country is Texas.
Yeah.
Don't buy into that!
Wow.
Lemmings!
I get a point for that, right?
He had so many guns held up.
Here, give him one of these, though.
You can have one of those.
It's a pretty one.
Put that on.
Oh, he's going to shoot it into the crowd.
Immediately rejected.
He's going deep. He's going deep. Oh, he's going to shoot it into the crowd. Immediately rejected. He's going deep.
He's going deep.
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
Why did he land in men's laps for some reason?
I haven't been able to get one out to the ladies.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, you're the man.
There's three women that came near,
and then one dude gets it.
It's worse than a baseball game.
That's a guy, too.
I'm all out.
Throw them back up here.
I want to do it again.
Get them all back up here.
All right, so for last man's sand...
Oh, wow.
Oh!
I didn't even want it.
People are throwing them back.
What?
They all came back.
Nobody wants any of them.
Look at this!
This isn't even one that I threw.
This is made out of leather or something.
Wow!
Somebody just threw some spaghetti up here.
Oh, God! There's a used condom. What? Wow! Somebody just threw some spaghetti up here.
Oh, God! There's a used condom.
What?
That just made me love humanity again.
That was... Wow.
It's just baby steps back, you know?
Oh, this is for me, this one?
Okay.
It's got like a button snap on it.
Now she'll know wherever you go.
Is that that new leather acid that they're passing around?
It reminds me of when I had one of these on my ankle.
It's like running man.
I couldn't leave the house.
All right.
So, like I said, we'll start with Sean.
Oh, we need to get some suggestions for names to play
because I don't want to decide because I'm going to play.
Where is...
I don't know how to pronounce his Twitter name.
W-R-I-T-Y-S-O-N?
Writison?
Where are you at?
Right here Is that like
Writison
W-R-I-T-Y-S-O-N
Is that like karate kid?
Is it like right and son?
And he was very clear with me
I'll be there and I'll have a great name
There's probably some guy in Pet Sematary right now
Michael Douglas He's probably some guy in Pet Sematary right now.
Michael Douglas!
He's probably the guy who left after the whole alien dance down the leprechaun entrance.
Stole my coat.
That reminds me, though.
Bruce Dern, Thomas Hayden Church, Dakota Johnson, and then the next round was going to be Shia LaBeouf.
They're all in the movie I saw today, Peanut Butter Falcon.
Wow.
Yeah, it's got a great cast.
That's a great cast.
And Jon Bernthal's in it as well.
I thought it was Peanut Butter Wolf.
No?
No.
No, it's Falcon.
Okay.
I don't know.
Peanut Butter... I thought it was the Peanut Butter...
You're thinking of Peter and the Wolf.
I thought it was Jif Peanut Butter.
Jiffy is a Jif Peanut Butter. Jiffy?
Is it Jif? Which universe are we in?
Maybe it was...
Yeah, I mean, maybe it was...
I thought it was wolfing down Peanut Butter.
Like a falcon.
That old expression.
I don't know why that guy's not here.
What a shame.
Oh!
Where's Matt Treenor?
T-R-E-A-N-O-R.
Hey, there you are.
The guy with the Pet Sematary book.
Yeah, Pet Sematary.
See, I would have gone Matt Cemetery.
That's just me, though.
Are you going to throw one of these back if I give you one?
Oh, I like that. He held up the goalposts. Matt Cemetery. That's just me, though. Are you going to throw one of these back if I give you one? All right.
Oh, I like that.
He held up the goalposts.
Oh, yeah.
It's just going to hit him right in the face.
Oh.
Hey, a lady got it.
Yay.
Yay.
One step forward.
Oh.
Don't take it from her.
Baseball hat wearing jerk You're not at the game
No this is
This is intended for you
Put the hat back on
It wasn't bad
I was just joking around
Right in his goddamn hand.
That was amazing.
That was...
I know you're applauding yourself,
but Doug, you're really good at that.
Right?
That was a good...
He's like, I caught it when it landed in his hand.
Doug, you've got a skill, man.
I like doing stuff like that.
Because if you miss, who cares?
But you put it right in their hands,
you can act like you're good at it.
There's a career in that.
I like watch those videos where people do crazy,
like they throw a basketball from a building,
and they try a million times,
but you only see the one where they made it.
I love that shit.
Just keep trying, man.
It might go in, and then you've got it on videotape it's so
weird but of course this is an audio podcast no i can do it if that's where we're going
i can do it all right where's mad at again there you are so he has a suggestion for a name. He says Billy Crystal, the great Billy Crystal.
The Oscars doesn't count, even though he hosted it many times.
Neither does Comic Relief.
It's the films, or the TV show Soap.
It's the films of Billy Crystal.
He played the first gay man on television, I think.
Yes, he did.
Well, first out gay man, right?
Yeah, the Hollywood squares were full of them.
Yeah.
Paul Lind was in the squares.
All right.
Let's do it. Let's do Billy Crystal. I'm excited about this.
It won't last too long, I'm guessing,
and we don't have too much time left
because they run a tight ship here at South By.
And by the way, you know, people say South By.
I just did.
It's just, you know, abbreviating's fun.
But if you get a chance, say the actual name of the event.
It's South by Southwest's Conference and conference and festivals.
Yeah, not easy to say, but worth the effort.
Yeah.
Somebody just shorten it to South by
somehow, because people are cool.
A year from now, it'll just be
Seth.
If your costume has anything to do with it, it'll just be Sal.
It's a fucking cow head.
Did we not establish that?
You don't have to applaud.
Yeah.
Okay, let's play.
Billy Crystal, you go first.
Sean, what do you got for Billy Crystal?
You know, I'm going obvious with City Slickers.
Get rid of an obvious one, man.
That's all I had.
Yeah.
That's all you had?
You guys have a chance at this one.
I'll go ahead and take it off the board.
City Slickers 2.
Yep.
Oh, shit.
I'm going to fuck it up.
The Search for Curly's gold
Ah
No shut up
I'm out
Are you out for that?
I'm out
Oh man
I said it wrong
I got cocky
Well I'm gonna let that slide for a while
I'm gonna let that float out there
Oh you are
Yeah analyze this
Okay
Well now I'm in my head about the City Slickers
I don't want to Are you in my head about the City Slickers I don't want to
Are you in your head about Analyze This?
Uh
Princess Bride
Full title
The Quest for Curly's...
Cock.
I thought it was The Quest for Curly's Bush.
Just the first word.
Wait, what?
What's it called?
The Princess Bride?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I'm pretty sure.
I don't think it's just Princess Bride.
Runaway Bride.
That doesn't have a V on it.
It's the Princess Bride.
Because there's lots of Runaway Brides.
Yeah.
So why would you call it the Runaway Bride?
What do you have, Sean?
Analyze that.
Yeah.
Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.
Go, Owen.
Jeez.
I know there's others.
Oh, have we said soap yet?
Did we say, can we use soap?
No, it's a TV show,
and I very explicitly said you couldn't use soap.
Maybe you thought I was telling you not to bathe.
Owen, I'd like you to not use soap.
Okay.
Let's see.
Man, he's done a lot of different stuff.
Mm-hmm.
He was in that one where he's all like...
Oh, it's so hard with the pressure.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, and the alcohol.
Oh, I can do a lifeline.
You could do the lifeline, yes.
Good idea.
I'm going to go ahead and do it.
Let's go to Katie.
Katie.
It's never too early to use your lifeline.
Oh, yeah.
God damn it.
When Harry Met Sally.
He's in that movie.
I forgot he has that cameo.
And that one scene steals it.
He plays the ellipses at the end
of the title.
I'm going to go with that.
When Harry Met Sal. Yeah, good answer. Doug?
City
Slickers 4. No.
You can go to your lifeline. I'm going to do a lifeline.
Nessa.
Monsters Incorporated. Monsters Inc.
I think some people like to call it. No, but Monsters Inc. as some people like to call it.
No, but Monsters Inc.
But some people like longer words.
She's really smart.
Let's see if that helps out our friends, Sean.
Mr. Saturday Night.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Oh, that's good.
Owen?
I'm going to go for Monsters University.
I knew it.
He's done a lot of sequels.
Like, no trilogies.
None of his franchises made it to trilogy.
But sequels.
I'm sorry.
Fair showing.
I'm going to go with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
Okay, so you're out.
Yeah.
I love people who are like, what?
Can you imagine on Jeopardy if people had made shock noises
when somebody said the wrong answer?
Huh?
And now I'm going to think of one immediately.
Yeah, because Sean's about to say one.
Yeah.
I'm going to call in my lifeline with Terry here.
Oh, here we go, Terry.
Terry.
Forget Paris.
Forget Paris.
Mm-hmm.
That's just an exclamation.
I don't know if that's a movie, honestly.
Is it?
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah, let's just say it.
She's in that with Meg Ryan, and then Meg Ryan's in a movie with another guy
called Paris Match, right?
With Kevin Kline.
Okay.
Anyway.
I love rom-coms.
I'm showing off.
I can't get enough rom-coms.
Thank you, Terry.
All right, Owen, you got anything else?
There were more Indiana Jones movies.
So soap, we can't use soap.
Is that right?
Soap is off the table.
If we put a number of episodes together and make it a feature,
would that count?
No, okay.
I'll go then for City Slickers
to the quest
for Curly's gold.
Nope, that's not it.
What do you think it is, Sean?
City Slickers to the hunt
for Curly's gold.
The hunt for Red October.
People hunt for gold?
I will kill it when I find it.
The painting of gold for Curly.
I can't wait to murder some gold.
Is it The Search?
Can't wait to take a picture with some dead gold.
The breath of Curly's gold.
I can't believe I fucked this one up,
but somebody in the audience said it when I fucked it up.
It's the legend of Curly's gold.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
There you go. Who won? You Yeah, yeah. There you go.
Who won?
You did, Sean.
You're our superstar.
I didn't mean it like that.
I just didn't know how it worked in that situation.
Terry, do you want that stuff?
Yeah.
Do you want that stuff that Owen sweated into?
Put it on.
Put it on.
Don't put it on.
Put it on right now. Don't put it on. Put it on right now.
They want you to put it on.
Gross.
So gross.
My second baby was conceived in that mask.
This is the end of hereditary too.
I don't know how this happened.
All right.
Well, congratulations, Terry.
And yeah, apologies to the quote-unquote losers tonight.
The other name tags aren't losers.
They just don't get to take all this stuff.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, Katie.
Brian, aren't you glad I didn't choose you?
You get both arms.
Doug is just throwing skeleton arms into a bag.
That's cool.
Now let's really see how my arm is.
Oh, yeah.
Just whipping baseballs into the audience.
Where's Katie?
Hey, oh, shit.
No.
Underhand that thing.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
It's just,
I would love to throw
a baseball in here,
but that's such a bad idea.
Wait,
let's get a round of shots
up to the stage
and then throw the baseball.
That's not,
that's not the plan.
I hope this is what the Q&As for League of Their Own were like
when that film first came out.
Just throwing baseballs in the theater.
I was hoping it would roll up the stairs.
I was hoping it would roll up to her,
but it's right there if you need it, Katie.
It's like a scene from The Conjuring.
Oh, look at this.
It's rolling.
Throw it, throw it, throw it. Yeah, throw it, throw it, throw it.
Throw it to someone else, anybody.
Arch it.
Oh, yeah.
Katie, that was incredible.
I knew it would get there eventually.
And Terry, you can have your poster back there
because you've got to hang on to that
and we can give Vanessa hers back
and the baseball's already back.
Okay.
Owen.
Yes?
You got a movie.
Yes.
It's called Mercy Black.
It will be out sometime somewhere.
Yeah, it actually stars your co-star from Mr. Roosevelt,
Danielle Panetta is in it.
Oh, very nice.
And Janine Garofalo.
Janine Garofalo is in it as well.
What?
In a scary ass movie?
Yes, she's really, really good.
And Austin Emilio
from Walking Dead
and a lot of other
incredible actors.
It's a damn good film.
All right.
I'm glad that you're proud of it.
I made it.
I'm glad you're proud of it.
And we look forward to seeing it
and thank you for being here.
Yeah, Mercy Black.
Doug Mellard, when can we fart safari again?
I'll actually be...
This drops real soon, right?
I'll be actually headlining Cap City Tuesday to Thursday of next week,
19 through 21, so...
Right here in Austin.
Yeah, right here in Austin, Texas. So come on out, guys.
Oh, and find my dog,
the luckiest penny,
on Instagram.
She has so many more
thousands and thousands of followers
than I do, and she's adorable.
At the luckiest penny on Instagram.
What kind of dog is it?
A brown dog.
But it's small and adorable and has
its own Instagram. Yeah, I get really
sad. I'm not jealous
at all that she has more followers, but it's okay.
Okay.
She gets sponsors and I don't, but that's
fine.
She got a sponsor from this.
Oh, we're still talking about it?
Sorry.
I'm not upset.
Thanks, Doug.
And Harbar Superstar, you can see him tonight at Cheer Up Charlie's at like 1 a.m.
Yeah.
Closing down South By.
That's happening.
The last night of music, last night of film.
He ends it all.
And what else can they do to follow you?
You can go to harmoursuperstar.com or follow all of those social media,
that same name on all the platforms.
Or Heartbones 2.
That's another project that I'm doing down here this week.
It's a new band that I have with Sabrina Ellis, like I said earlier,
and we're finishing an album right now
and playing random shows here and there.
And just looking forward to the House of Wax soundtrack
to come out on Record Store Day
because there's actually a Harmar song on there
from the remake from a long time with the Paris Hilton one.
There is?
Yeah.
So that's going to be on vinyl, I just found out,
which I think is kind of hilarious. It'll probably be in some dumb colors
and I'll get one. That's that movie where
Paris Hilton dies, but not soon enough.
Yeah.
Douglars Movies is back at
Zany's in Nashville on Saturday, April
13th at 420 as part of the Wild West
Comedy Festival.
One more time for all of
my guests. Harmar, superstar,
Doug Mellard,
Owen Edgerton.
Cue up that end theme
because I'm about to say,
as always,
positive energy!
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold,
his viewing prowess
makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.