Doug Loves Movies - Iliza Shlesinger, Brian Moses, Samm Levine and Wayne Federman guest
Episode Date: March 11, 2020Back at the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Iliza Shlesinger, Brian Moses, Samm Levine and Wayne Federman to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For... a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie babies, sticky seeds
With empty azipop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, thrill-seeking adventurers.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Love, Love, Movies.
Coming to you once again from the OG spot,
the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles, California.
Woo!
Brigade Theater in Los Angeles, California!
I feel like everything's too... We're too close to you guys today,
but we'll see how it works out.
Hey, how's it going?
I'll talk to anybody that runs through.
I don't care.
It's Tuesday, March 10th, 2020,
and starting tonight, if you are too lazy or busy
to make a name tag, I don't even remember writing this down
I still appreciate your attendance
So IDs count as name tags
from this point forward
See, I made that rule because people at South by Southwest,
you know, they can't mess around with name tags,
but they all have South by Southwest badges,
so I was thinking it was a good time
to just allow them to use those.
And then, of course, South by got canceled.
So, yeah, you know.
But I'm going anyway.
Yeah, Doug plugs.
This is what's happening, you guys.
I just restored some of the shows
that I was going to do,
move some things around.
And so I will still be in Austin, Texas
this Thursday night.
I'm doing stand-up with our friend
Dan Van Kirk.
Yeah.
That's at the Cap City Comedy Club
at 8 o'clock
on, like I said, this Thursday, the
12th. And then on
Wednesday, March 18th, I'm doing
Douglas Movies, also
at Cap City Comedy.
And then
coming up later, April 11th,
DLM is back at the Improv in Tempe, Arizona at 420.
I think that's everything I wanted to say.
Let's look in the prize bag.
A young lady who was at the show a few weeks ago
told me she makes beer.
Now she proved it.
She brought a bottle of the beer. Now she proved it. She brought a bottle
of the beer.
What's it called?
Whip It 6000?
Is she here
or does she just drop it off
and leave?
Interesting.
I was in Orlando, Florida
and had this nice book in the hotel room called Orlando.
So I took that.
Here's kind of a weird one.
I didn't know anybody who personally wants to try this,
but it's vaginal suppositories that have CBD and THC in them.
Yeah, so put some weed in your twat is no longer an insult.
It's a recommendation.
And then a hat from
legalize humanity
which is about time
someone's trying to do that
I got some pretzels
from
I had to fly southwest
I'm not really
a pretzel eater
what's this stuff
this is a couple
of fancy boxes
I got from
from somewhere.
It's like CBD products, but I wanted to give them a plug.
It's called Social.
And there's a hemp extract and unflavored CBD drops.
Unflavored?
Interesting.
T-shirt from an awesome company that I just found out about.
They make extracts and they're called Strong John.
And here's a, I kept one T-shirt and then put one in the bag.
There's their beautiful logo.
He looks kind of like, it's kind of a Hulk Hogan thing going on
but we won't hold that against him
and then
Doug Benson pin from Rockin' Pins
that of course
is going to be won by
somebody in the audience if they match me
in a suggestion for
Last Woman Stanton
all of that, oh and a beautiful
Ralph's
bag that says it's got a beautiful sunset, some palm trees.
It says the Golden State on it.
That's a nice reusable bag that I got because I forgot to bring my reusable bag.
That's why I had to get one.
All of that is going to be won by somebody in the audience tonight.
And let's get my four guests out here.
Please give it up for Wade Fetterman, Eliza Schlesinger, Brian Moses,
and Sam the Man Levine, a.k.a. Lil' Logan Thank you
I think it was mostly for the dog, Wayne
Oh, okay
We have a beautiful doggy joining us for the first time
Everybody say hello to Tian Fu
Tian Fu
Thank you
Thanks for everything, Juliefu. Thank you.
Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar.
Thank you.
Been a staple in our household since the day we got her.
That expression about that movie?
Yeah, right there.
To Tianfu, thanks for nothing.
Julie. Beautiful bandana that Tianfu is for nothing Julie beautiful
bandana
that Tianfu
is wearing
I'm not great with dogs
so just know
no I'm kidding
this dog
looks like
it can really
surprise you
it's staring at me
you will admit that
this is the extent
of her
participation
this is it
which is great
for a podcast
very chill
is that a bandana
like with a is that a bandana like with a
is that a flag
like a rainbow flag
yeah it's like
the gay flag
on the outside
but I thought
orange was cuter
on her
okay
there's no
political message
there
more of an
orange gal
okay
so she doesn't
identify as
something else
like a cat
yeah
her pronouns
are
cat
she's clearly
an autumn
yeah orange is perfect I just thought the orange matched her little tear stains Her pronouns are cat. She's clearly an autumn.
Yeah.
Orange is perfect.
I just thought the orange matched her little tear stains.
So we celebrate them.
We celebrate her differences.
I love it.
When that dog wakes up, it's going to be fun.
Very chill.
Let's meet everybody individually,
and we'll start with the gentleman to my left.
Brian Moses is here, everybody.
You know him, of course, from the roast battles that happen here every Tuesday night in Los Angeles
and on Comedy Central and out on the road.
And I was so excited because I was going to be a judge
at the roast battles
at South by Southwest.
And yeah, and it got...
Thank you.
It got pulled out from under us.
So you're not going there at all, right?
No, I'm going.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm still going to go.
Oh, that's interesting.
I don't think you heard my opening remarks.
I did. I was kidding.
I was kidding.
That was the joke? That was the whole thing. whole pretending you don't understand what's happening i'm sorry
pretending you have no cognitive skills joe biden did i just have to
that reminds me our fifth guest tonight is corn pop
fresh from the pool fresh from the pool Show's so political Yeah
But I'm so sad
That that happened to us
Yeah
We can hang out in Austin now
Yeah
And get a virus together
That would've been super fun
But yeah
Like Wayne was saying
I'm gonna go anyway
But you're just gonna
Chill here right
I'm gonna stay here yeah
Yeah
It's probably this smart
Smart play
But that's
I mean there's
There's no traffic right now
In LA
So it's like Christmas again.
That is kind of exciting.
It's like a normal city here.
Yeah.
It's a lot of fun.
Yeah, it's really weird.
I didn't know there were that many people
that were scared of being in their own cars.
Also joining us is Eliza Schlesinger, everybody!
Thank you.
Star of the number one Netflix movie in the world.
Yeah.
No, it really is.
Yeah.
It's number one in the world.
Netflix in Bulgaria, they're watching this movie.
Netflix in another city that I'm too lazy to think of, they're watching this movie. Netflix in another city that I'm too
lazy to think of, they're watching
this movie. Really? And I tweeted at them
I was like, get your shit together. Get it together
Myanmar. Whatever.
But so congratulations on that.
That's super cool. Thank you.
And what about that accent?
What about it?
I was like, should I do it? No.
I don't know. I kind of want you to do it.
I don't want to, you know.
That doesn't work on me.
You're not a trained, neither of you are a trained animal.
So I'm not going to.
Wayne really wants to hear it though.
I'd like to hear Wayne's Boston accent.
Sure.
That was it.
That's it. That's the whole thing. Sure. You're just very agreeable. Sure. Sure. That was it. That's it?
That's the whole thing?
Sure.
You're just very agreeable?
Sure.
Sure.
Park.
You sound like my Jewish grandma.
Sure.
Park.
Have it.
I know it.
He's got it.
He's got it.
It's Wayne Fetterman, everybody.
I can do it.
I can do it.
Give him a round of applause.
Medford.
Medford.
Stone him.
I know it
you're so defensive
about it
sorry
sorry
how are you doing
I'm doing well
I'm very excited
to be here
I was just in
Indio Palm Springs
doing a club there
they still do comedy
Indio
slash
Palm Springs
I guess it's Indio.
It's all they have because they canceled Coachella.
Yeah.
All they have is Wayne Fetterman.
By the way, still did not sell out.
Still cannot draw.
Thousands and thousands of people looking for something to do.
They're just, no, I don't think we want to. Well, maybe they were busy listening to your podcast,
The History of Stand-Up Comedy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah?
Nice.
How many?
Okay.
Thank you.
That show sounds like a lot of work to me.
It is.
It is.
It is.
Yeah, The History of Stand-Up Comedy.
That's a lot to cover there.
We started vaudeville, though.
We don't go back further than that.
Okay.
What's further than that?
Like a bar raising?
Yeah, some hilarious cave drawings.
Yeah.
There was a lot going on.
There was a lot going on.
There was a lot going on.
Yeah, it was a burgeoning industry.
It was a thing.
I don't know.
You're familiar with the Mark Twain Award, right?
Have you been nominated yet?
No.
How do you do that?
I don't know exactly how the system works.
Mark Twain was one of the earliest guys running around doing
stand-up bird funny lectures.
Yeah. I saw, what's his name,
Hal Holbrook do it. Yeah.
You're going to laugh back there for some reason.
Yeah.
So what are you up to now?
If you started at Vaudeville, where are you at?
I've already done the
whole thing and then i've been doing individual like little like we did the history of comedians
on the academy awards we did the history of comedians like we we focused on chicago in the
early 2000s when like camille and tj and uh hannibal uh were all there Pete Holmes it was like all doing
alternative not working at Zany's all during like this little alternative room
and like how that scene kind of exploded does that interest you what I'm
fascinated by you all right it's good stuff. Yeah. Keep it up.
Okay.
All right.
Sounds horrible now.
I'm not good at promoting.
I'm not good at promoting.
You're like, it sounds like some real Ken Burns stuff going on over there.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Are you talking about the visual?
People that want the deep dive are going to love it.
I hope so. Okay. Now I are going to love it. I hope so.
Okay, now I'm going to cancel the podcast.
This is making it sound horrible to us.
Speaking of deep dives,
Sam Levine is here.
Hello.
Thank you, Doug.
There's nobody I know that can hold his breath
underwater at a deeper level.
I had to do that a few years ago.
It's one of your things.
Why?
I was shooting underwater fight scenes for Bobcat Goldthwait's Misfits and Monsters show.
Oh, okay.
I legit had to hold my breath for like 45 seconds underwater while I did choreographed stunt work.
Did you call Tom Cruise and ask for tips?
I did choreographed stunt work. Did you call Tom Cruise and ask for tips? I did, and all
he could tell me was how to tell people
that you definitely flew a helicopter
that you absolutely in real life were not flying.
Yeah, I'll go to
my deathbed on that one, folks. No chance
he was flying that copter.
Yeah, like Paramount's like, yeah, take our
five billion dollar star and just let
him have that helicopter in the mountains by himself.
Eliza,
do you think
that Mark Wahlberg
could fly a helicopter?
I think Tom Cruise
actually did fly it.
Sure.
Yeah,
I think that was
like the thing.
Didn't he like
break an ankle
and they had to
shut down production
for six months
or something?
He broke a rib
jumping across the rooftop.
Yeah,
I think he did it.
And do I believe that he was in a
helicopter and the pilot was like,
here, you take the controls from me. And he was like, oh, this is great.
Well, they were just like flying over a smooth area.
Yeah, sure. But he claims
he was behind the
controls. Everything he says
is fact, though. During the
mountain scene of Fallout.
I mean... Yeah, I mean,
have you seen that big gold medallion
that he owns
for being a Scientologist,
you can't say anything
that's untruthful while...
One Sea Org gives you
some accreditation.
Do I think Mark Wahlberg
could fly a helicopter?
Is that the question?
Okay.
I've got a better question.
I don't know.
Does anybody think Bill Burr
could fly a helicopter?
Yes.
Because he can. Yes. Yeah. I would trustr could fly a helicopter? Yes. Because he can.
Yes.
Yeah.
I would trust him to fly a helicopter.
Even after everything.
Especially after everything.
They didn't have helicopters in Mandalorian, so he couldn't show off and do it in that.
All right, you guys.
We've got to figure out what you guys brought for the prize bag.
Let's start with you, Sam. Okay.
I brought a whole lot of crap. You always
bring so much stuff. Aren't you excited?
There's so much stuff in here. So it's
gonna be someone else's problem later today.
We're gonna start off with this
Funko Pop Daredevil.
Yep.
We got any TARDIS fans in the room?
So I got a whole bunch of TARDISes.
You got to be real careful how I pronounce that.
Wicked TARDISes.
Boston?
Boston.
There's like 10 TARDISes in here.
And then I hope somebody, whoever wins this, likes IPA,
because there's three cans of IPA.
Oh, and I'm not giving this to you if you're not over 21.
I just have to point that out for legal reasons.
Well, first of all, that's probably not going to be a problem.
But also, what do the tiny TARDISes do?
Oh, they're string lights.
Oh.
Sorry.
Okay.
Yeah, you hang these up and they glow, I assume.
All right.
Glowing TARDIS.
Now I'm into it.
Glowing TARDIS, yeah.
So three IPAs that I don't need in my house anymore.
And then this is probably the greatest thing I've ever brought to you.
Okay.
Oh, it gets better, guys.
Yeah, this is a Peanuts lunchbox.
Yeah.
And when you open it up, the greatest gift of all time is inside.
It better not be snakes.
It's not snakes, you guys.
Oh, you guys are so lucky.
It's the Star Wars prequels on DVD.
Yeah, that's right, guys.
That's one, two, and three, right?
He's like the fun grandparent that brings candy and stuff,
and we're like, I got you toothbrushes and books.
I can't follow that.
Yeah, what the fuck's that?
We really shouldn't have started with Sam.
I don't know what I was thinking. Who's going to want me to pick them. Yeah. What the fuck, Sam? Yeah, we really shouldn't have started with Sam. I don't know. I'm really sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Who's going to want me to pick them?
Yeah.
Anyway, I have to give a shout out.
All of these prizes were actually given to me by my fiance.
That's right.
I'm also announcing I'm an engaged person.
It just happened.
Wow.
Yeah.
That was such a flex.
Oh, that was definitely a flex.
There's nothing humble about that brag.
Oh, by the way, I'm taking ladies.
Yeah.
No, I tricked someone into agreeing to marry me.
Is she a nerd melt estate supervisor?
Such a deep L.A. cut.
Yeah, it was pretty sweet.
You're not from L.A.
You won't get that sick riff.
They call tar dye because they're multiple?
We said that. Sure. Okay. I'm hot.
Alright. Let's never listen
to that sound bite out of context.
Babe.
Should I go?
Hey, Wayne. Yeah. Okay.
I can't match that, but I can say that
Sam did bring it in a paper
bag and you get this actual...
It's a beautiful tote.
It's a beautiful tote by a piano festival.
All right, here we go.
Sustainable.
A book.
A CD.
On My Walk.
Stop being so specific.
This is Marriage Story of the Script.
Van Morrison.
On Netflix. Someone's in the Script. Van Morrison? On Netflix.
Someone's in the union.
In a little book.
This is a surprise
from the Producers Guild
of America.
Whoa.
I bet you it's a pen.
It is.
Oh, you're right.
It's a CD
for those who still know this.
This is one more book.
One more book
about Los Angeles
called Dear
Los Angeles. And the
final thing, this is the one.
A surprise from
the Mercedes Corporation.
Oh, it's another pen? It is not
a pen. What is it? Part of a Mercedes
chain? It's not a pen.
Empty box? This is a pen and
a keychain. Oh, okay. Don't sell yourself short. I'm going thing is a pen and a keychain.
Don't sell yourself short.
I'm going to leave that as a surprise,
the Mercedes thing.
The Mercedes thing is a surprise.
Yeah, it's very good of you to bring a bag.
We'll consolidate your stuff in there
with the bag, Brian.
Thank you. I was going to ask.
You're welcome.
I set a timer on my phone
to remind me to bring a gift.
Here are the options.
The dog.
I brought this dog.
You can't have her dog.
She's actually not my dog.
The bandana.
You have two options.
One, I have a gift certificate
for a facial place that I think is on the east side.
It's $60.
A facial place for facials.
Don't be gross.
It's $60 and you can go and get whatever.
And I don't have it with me.
So if you want it, I will give you my assistant's email and she will meet up with you to give it to you tomorrow.
That's a prize in and of itself.
Her name is Baby Arm and she's great and she loves movies too she almost came tonight baby arm she's her arms look like baby arms or that you have to be you have to watch my listen
to my podcast and you'll get it or qvc it's a small baby arm look at the facets or you can have
me venmo you five dollars and you get
today
today
I'll gladly pay you
with two hamburgers
tomorrow
or
so it's either
the gift certificate
tomorrow she'll meet up
with you
like within this
not in like
Alhambra
like it has to be
like in Hollywood
or
I will Venmo you
five dollars tonight
and you can take a picture
with Tianfu
so it's either
wow
it's the. Wow.
That's the most complicated drug deal.
Yeah.
A lot of caveats.
Baby arm's going to meet you in an alley.
Bye, birds.
If the dog smiles, the deal is good.
Yeah.
So that's your choice, but you're getting something good.
I win a lot of these.
All right.
So I guess he'll hang out for a second and confer with the winner to figure out what they're going to do.
And I will 100% give you her info and it'll happen.
Is that a Twitter DM or an Instagram DM?
Oh my God, Instagram DM. Hit her up on MySpace.
She's really there all the time.
All right, cool.
Brian?
You guys can sign up on my OnlyFans.
I'm kidding.
I brought a couple things here.
Vintage three-inch hanging die with the rebel flag.
Vintage from like four years ago.
I mean, you're going to make friends driving around town with those.
Those babies dangling.
It's about heritage that I hate everybody.
Does it come with
a sign that says, it's okay, the guy who gave it to me
was black?
Oh, that should be...
You really do get a free pass with this.
Just anybody that asks about it.
My black friend.
That's your third option for your gift now.
You get a get out of race problem free card.
Oh, black guy gave me this. Please, officer. You're going to get out a race problems free card. Oh,
Blake,
I gave you this.
Please,
officer.
So cool.
Let's go get them.
And then I brought
Sounds Eclectico,
a CD from KCRW.
These are live recordings
in the KCRW studios
from such bands
as Brazilian Girls
and Kinky.
Yeah.
And yeah,
if you, this is, if you live in 1997, this is hot.
I mean, this is like a romance package, these two items.
Valentine's Day gifts.
Yeah.
Those dice are really soft.
They'll get you.
Really nice Confederate dice.
The South is rising again right now.
I can't believe I have to part with them.
All of that.
Look at all this stuff.
It's a three-bagger tonight,
plus maybe a picture with a dog.
Or a Venmo transaction.
There's so many options.
And a spa gift card.
Yeah.
No one knows who the winner's going to be,
but everybody's just sitting in their seats
dreaming of being that person.
I'm betting the people without name tags
know it's not going to be them.
I told you.
You probably didn't hear this,
but there's a new facet
to this. They can hold up their
ID if they want to.
What kind of ID?
Lazy pieces of shit who don't make name tags.
I did not hear that facet.
Just whip their ID out. But here's the
best part. You're handing your ID
to a comedian.
So who knows what they're going to say.
What details are going to be divulged.
Any idea...
Organ donor.
I get,
I'm going to take
a picture of it
and then I'm just
going to randomly
send things
to that address.
I will never mark them
and they will be things
you'll be embarrassed
to open in front
of other people.
Like what?
It is not illegal
to send pictures
of animals
fucking in the mail.
Just
pointing that out.
But
the person who wins tonight
is going to know that you said all of that.
Prove it.
Speculation.
What was the last movie you saw, Sam?
I saw a movie called The Good Liar,
starring Ian McKellen and Helen Mirren.
And yeah, it was a small thing.
I missed it in theaters.
I think we all did.
But I watched it on VOD.
And the movie itself is meh,
but they are both exceptional.
And it's based on a book,
which I haven't read, but I have to assume is better than the movie.
Thank you, Sam. My pleasure, Doug.
That was beautiful.
I'm here to make movies that I've seen
that were just okay sound
about the same.
Wayne, what about you? In any format,
what was the last movie you saw?
Well, I went to the movie theater, because I still do that.
I love when you do that.
And did a double feature.
What?
Yep, did a double feature.
You snuck from one theater to another?
A double freeture, we call it.
Yeah, so you didn't pay for that second movie.
Did not pay for it.
And you're going to guess which one I didn't pay for.
Did you strategically pay for the movie that you
want the money to show up on their
box office results?
It was more about the time than
that. Okay.
The first movie,
of course,
an adventure film called Sonic.
Wait, with the original teeth?
No, they fixed it.
They changed his teeth.
They fixed it.
They did?
I was not familiar with the Atari game,
but I saw it was like Atari Productions.
I was like, okay, I'm not going to know what this is about at all.
Sega Genesis.
Yeah.
It was an Atari?
Dad, it's Sega.
Wait, Atari?
I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what it was.
I didn't know what it was.
No, you went and saw the Q-Bert movie.
Okay, all right.
Again.
That's definitely Atari.
Again, all right.
I love Ben Schwartz's voice of Pong.
Yep.
All right.
So it's Sega Genesis game, right?
It's a Sega game.
So yeah, so I saw that one.
And on the back end, just...
Wait, you just saw all that talk about it without any...
Did you like it?
Loved it.
Loved it.
I thought Schwartzy was incredible as the voice of Sonic.
And great Jim Carrey.
Yeah.
Perfect comedic.
It's very hard to make a film for kids that are, you know...
That an adult can sit through.
Yeah, I enjoyed it.
I enjoyed it.
That's fantastic. But again, I thought it was a Atari movie. So, I's funny. That an adult can sit through. Yeah, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. That's fantastic.
But again, I thought it was a Atari movie,
so I don't really know what I'm talking about.
And then on the back end,
a little comedy called The Invisible Man.
Oh, so you have your own take on what was going on on screen,
because I don't believe it was advertised as a comedy.
No, it wasn't.
It was a
horrible thing
that happens to this girl.
She gets stalked
by an invisible guy.
Is it the sequel
to The Tourist?
Because that was hilarious.
Wow, that was a deep cut.
Okay, I admitted
that I went real deep
on that one.
Do you think some guys
will watch this movie
and just get out
of the stalking game
because they're like,
if there's invisible ones, I can't compete with that.
Well, I...
This guy's the Jordan of Tom Brady.
Of stalking women.
That's right.
That's the boy.
I mean, why would I even try?
This guy's invisible.
There's nothing he can't do.
It's like performance enhancing.
That shouldn't be illegal actually
it should be an asterisk
next to that guy's name
stalking should be legal
but being invisible
yeah
that part should be
it'd be funny
if she early on
in the movie
hits him with a frying pan
and knocks him out
and then just
occasionally trips over
his body in the kitchen
for the rest of the movie
damn it
I gotta remember
to get rid of that
loose floorboard there or something for the rest of the movie. Damn it! I gotta remember to get rid of that.
Loose floorboard there or something.
But so,
entertaining?
I would call it disquieting
is the way I would describe it.
Wow.
Because that one
with Kevin Bacon,
Hollow Man,
that was pretty upsetting.
Yes, yeah.
Like when you just
truly follow that line
of like,
what would a guy do
if he could be invisible and was a complete creep?
It's like, oh, well, I don't know if I want to know about that.
Just check the internet.
Yeah, right?
Go to Reddit and get your answer.
Those guys are invisible, too.
It was good, but the guy who wrote and directed that movie had done, what was that other movie he did?
It was called Upgrade.
Did you see that?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's the
same guy good things yeah so i i was already a fan of this dude i can't remember his name but
i remember that he did that movie and i enjoyed it but it's hard to recommend this no no i would
recommend if you want to see like you want to see something that's disquieting it is if you are into
disquieting this is your film because it is i mean it's unsettling i'm always trying to disquieting, this is your film because it is... I'm always trying to disquiet everyone around me.
When does
Disquieting Place 2 open?
Is that this weekend?
Yeah, it's unsettling.
I liked it. I liked that.
Thanks.
But those are the last two films I saw.
Great job, Wayne.
Eliza, what was the last movie you saw?
You don't have to go back two whole movies like Wayne does.
I won't.
At the premiere of Spencer Confidential.
I mean, that's the last movie I saw.
Where'd they do that at?
They did it in Westwood.
Cool.
At the theater.
And I sat through it again.
The Village?
That meaning like with people.
Yeah.
Village Theater in Westwood.
That's their big premiere spot.
Yeah.
A lot of times.
Got to watch it with 400 fans
it was pretty cool
and I thought
Mark was there
but he left
I think what I learned
that night
is like mega celebrities
leave
and they don't
and so I stayed
I was like
I'm gonna listen
to all these laughs
yeah some just do
the red carpet
and don't even take a seat
some of us
yeah
but he kept his seat
and then he left
but I was there
and I got free snacks after.
So that's where you go for the sliders.
I guess when you're
in like a hundred movies,
getting to see it on the big screen
isn't as important anymore. I asked him,
I was like, are you just over it? And he's
like, no, I've got kids. I had to be up.
He gets up at 2 a.m. to do the workouts.
He had to be up. And so
I ate the sliders on his behalf.
So that's that.
That's my answer.
Spencer Confidential.
And I hope you all see it too.
Maybe he didn't like the sliders.
Thank you.
Does he really get up at 2 a.m.?
4 a.m.
4 a.m.
That's still awful.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's no joke.
He does it.
Why?
Get jacked.
Because it's the middle of the night.
I like that guy over there.
Abs.
Abs.
He's fucking got 4 a.m. abs.
He's up.
Brian, what was the last movie you saw?
I like 4 a.m. abs.
I'm trying to think about what noon abs look like.
Just look at any male comic.
All of us, basically.
Eliza, that's me.
Okay, they're my colleagues.
I watched a movie today actually called Get Yourself a College Girl.
Go get yourself a college girl.
And it seems like it did really hold up.
It was a lot of guys grabbing women in the snow.
Right?
And the women were falling in love with them afterwards.
It's like, I hated you.
Is it a classic movie?
It's a classic.
1964, yeah.
Okay.
That explains the grabbing.
Yeah.
There's a lot of male grabbing.
And then the mayor,
who was clearly gay,
but they kept saying,
but he just hated all the women.
You know what I mean?
But in 64,
you couldn't be gay.
Do you know this movie, Doug?
I'm not familiar.
I'm not familiar with this.
64?
64.
Go get yourself a college girl.
Is there any actor?
There's no big names.
What?
But it's...
There's no...
There's names.
Buddy Epson's not in it?
He couldn't be.
No, except I think it was Lauren Bacall in there.
It was like, no, there was nobody.
I mean, there was a Sharon Tate lookalike, but it wasn't her.
Couldn't get her yeah
but then what happened
go get yourself a college girl
and
that was it
so at the end
what do you do with them
when you get them
and suffocate them
like what
fucking Nancy Sinatra
is in this movie
yes
that's it
that was the name
that was the one name
yeah
yeah
wow do I know something weird you know the movie Yes. That's it. That was the name. That was the one name. Yeah. Yeah.
Wow.
Do you want to know something weird?
You know the movie?
No, I just said that I didn't.
Oh, okay.
You want to know something weird?
I lie about the strangest things.
No, I thought maybe Sinatra had... I'm sorry.
I was going to say Nancy Sinatra follows me on Twitter.
Wow. Yeah, that's weird. Let her know we get her. That's cool. I was going to say Nancy Sinatra follows me on Twitter wow
yeah
that's weird
let her know
that's cool
she doesn't respond
when I write to her though
so I don't know
it seems like
an accidental follow
maybe she'll hear this
she's got a nice shout out here
oh man
that'd be great
maybe she'll hear
I hope
I want to know
who's the most famous person
that listens to this podcast
that's never reached out to me
now's your chance if you're listening yeah if you're listening this is the time I want to know who's the most famous person that listens to this podcast that's never reached out to me.
Now's your chance, if you're listening.
Yeah, if you're listening, this is the time.
How sad is it going to be if somebody thinks they're famous?
Oh, no!
I just text you after.
It's me. I was in American Pie 3.
It's called American Wedding.
I will have you removed!
Does anybody do impressions?
Do you guys do any impressions?
If you don't, we can move on.
Yeah, I've already done my Daniel Plainview at least twice on this program.
Yeah, well, you know, that's why in between visits you should work on a new impression.
I forgot that that's a thing you ask now.
I do a random impression.
It's not a movie impression.
It's a TV impression.
The more random, the better.
Does anybody watch Succession?
Yeah.
That's not enough.
Just the one guy.
Oh, no.
I mean.
No, I'm not going to eat shit.
Just do it right at that one guy. No. If he doesn't like it, then you're wrong. You do a great impression, actually. I mean... No, I'm not going to eat shit. Just do it right at that one guy.
No.
If he doesn't like it, then you're wrong.
You do a great impression, actually.
Who?
Of a cat in the studio.
I'm not...
It's Mariah Carey.
She was a cat in the studio.
I want to do this with these people.
It's such a good impression, though.
We go way back.
No, now they're going to have to cheer regardless.
Is it too much hype?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
It's a really good impression
What if you just do it like at some point
When we're not talking about it
Okay
Just slip it in
Everybody just turn around
I'll do it
I won't be able to see anyway
It's fine
Don't look at me
I'll drop that comedy bomb later
It's ugly
I do an impression of Windex
Does that count?
I love it
Nope Okay, here we go Eliza's going to sit this one out I do an impression of Windex. Does that count? I love it. Nope.
Okay, here we go.
Eliza's going to sit this one out.
It's too harsh to it.
Just for the fellas.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Holy shit.
Did you guys...
Doug.
Doug.
That sounded to me like a lady who's breastfeeding in the street
and a small taxi came along.
You...
Specific.
A clown car.
Doug, how much do you pay Michael Winslow
to run in here, grab a mic?
That is an amazing impression.
I love impressions. Everyone loves impressions.
We all braved Corona
to be here tonight, and this is what we're
getting.
You can't do
impressions with a mask on, you guys.
Well, they have to be as good as
Wayne's to do it with a mask.
Brian, do you have any?
No. Okay.
I know this is the house of yes and, but...
It's called moving the show
along.
Let's play again.
I love it, because we do have
some games to play, so let's just go ahead
and jump to the part where I say
turn it off Bert, let the games begin!
We've got lots of name tags
for you to choose from and IDs.
Don't forget
to whip out your IDs everybody.
And while you do that
we'll do this. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, don't forget to whip out your IDs, everybody. And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Hey, everybody.
Don't forget about my annual 420 celebration shows on April 19th.
I'm doing stand-up at the Punchline in San Francisco.
Show starts at 1030, ends at midnight.
We go outside and smoke, because it's 4.20.
And then I'm flying to Denver for a stand-up show at Comedy Works in downtown Denver on 4.20.
Pretty sweet place to be on that day.
Back to the show.
On that day.
Back to the show.
We're back and Wayne is already regretting his choice.
I made a mistake.
Who are you playing on behalf of, Wayne?
All right.
Her name is Chelsea Victoria.
No, no.
Read the address.
Oh, that's her name.
Canadia.
What is her name?
Manduzik.
I've never watched a movie, ever.
She's never seen a movie.
I always am terrible at picking.
I think her name is Can-Manduzik.
Is that right?
No, she's from Canada.
Where's she from?
Canada.
I'm kidding. I see it right there.
Chelsea Victoria.
I said it the first time.
I just got scared for you.
No, I said it the first time.
Wade Fetterman as TSA man number two.
I love it.
And Sam plays number one.
He comes in and sets them straight.
Yes, that's right.
And Eliza's their supervisor.
Who are you playing on behalf of, Sam?
You know me, ever the narcissist.
This is a wet hot American summer.
Nice.
But it's, nope, this person did not actually change the, any aspect of the, what is it?
American Ian.
American Ian.
Oh, that's really hard to spot.
Yeah, American Ian's, wet hot American Ian summer.
You really snuck in that eye.
You really did.
So there you go.
It's Ian, and it's the
white-eyed American summer poster and my voice is in this movie yeah good luck
everybody mine is it just says you will know her name and that the bottom which
is that it's Carrie or it could be like yeah it's Carrie but I think it's a lot
cuter you will know her name Carrie hi. Hi, guys. That's a weird Sex and the City ad.
What does that say?
Yeah, why is Carrie covered in blood?
Yeah.
It's a very special episode.
It's ruining that.
Terry Bradshaw?
They made that third movie, and it really took a turn.
Yeah, the Manolo Blahniks just didn't fit.
So I'm going to put it down, though, because it's so cumbersome.
She goes to hell, and she gets a bus splashes blood onto her.
I love that show.
Brian?
I'm playing on behalf of the Beagle of Wall Street.
It's a play on Martin Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street.
Oh, a beagle.
Yeah.
I love it.
And it's covered in some black tape that touched my face,
so I probably have corona now.
And also at the bottom here,
these are full Tito's airplane-sized shots.
Yeah.
I wonder if anybody ever tried to make a Molotov cocktail
out of one of those tiny airplane bottles.
Like, you just have something small that you want to throw it at.
Just a tiny explosion.
Just throw it at a dog house or something.
When you're not that mad.
When you're not that much of an extremist.
The tiny Molotov cocktail.
That's brilliant.
You're going to regret crossing me.
Stop it, Wayne.
We heard it.
I'm sorry.
It's my best impression.
My best impression.
This is what happened to Carrie, actually,
through these tiny Molotov cocktails in her house.
All right.
So that's who everybody's playing for.
We've got some games here that I've devised back at the HQ.
The home office in Sioux City, Iowa?
I don't say I'm the home office move
because somebody just kept sending me stuff
and I didn't know who it was from,
but I have my suspicions.
Wayne Fetterman?
Let's play.
I'm going to Austin suits
Let's play Alex's Jason and Deb's IMDB game
IMDB
I'll start reading the titles
In someone's best known for
On IMDB
Oh okay
At the top of everybody's page
They list four things
Do we just call it out or do you call it out?
The algorithm is strange.
You buzz in with your own name.
Oh, sorry.
So just say your name when you think you know the answer.
Negative point for a wrong answer.
Got it.
So don't jump in too fast.
And bonus points are impossible.
Unless you don't care whether you win.
I care. You know, that lady didn't come all the way from Canada. I know don't care whether you win. I care.
That lady didn't come all the way from Canada
to hear you say that.
I'm going to try.
I'm actually nervous about
him winning the dice now just because of his look.
I know you can't see this at home
everybody but it's a very large
white male with a sleeve tattoo and a backwards hat.
Yeah, and he's got an Ewok...
But, officer, I have an Ewok t-shirt.
Most proud boys say that.
I get that.
It's for your benefit.
I'm just trying to help you out.
Everyone's so uncomfortable.
I want to do a show called Ewok-ing the Room
where we talk too much about Ewoks
and the whole audience leaves.
That's funny.
Okay, here's the first title.
And of course, this is just between the people on stage.
Who's best known for for begins with a motion picture
called Her.
Oh, Eliza.
Okay, you're coming in hot.
What do you think?
Oh, it's a toss up.
Yeah, there's a lot of actors
in that movie.
Joaquin Phoenix.
That is the correct answer.
I knew it.
We all knew he's in the movie.
She was just pointing.
She rolled the confederate dice on that one.
She's pointing like she just did that for a dying child.
I did.
She's very thin.
I don't know.
Very good, very good.
All right, so Eliza got one point for that,
but also now Eliza and Eliza alone can name, guess,
three more Joaquin Phoenix movies that you think are in
his top four.
Gladiator.
Do I go one by one? Just give me them all
and then I'll tell you how you did. Fuck.
Okay, but
top meaning like ranked or
like it would be in sequential
order. It's an algorithm nobody understands.
Okay. Plus
actors can go in if they have IMDb Pro
and change their top four to whatever they want.
Check out Nick Cage's.
Okay, fine.
So I guess four.
So Gladiator, Joker.
We already said her.
Oh, I feel like he played Johnny Cash.
Okay.
But it wasn't Walk the Line.
You need to know what it's called.
Walk the Line.
Probably.
It's not, is it?
That's three.
Oh, that was four.
No, you did it.
Did I do it?
I mean, you got Two Right, Walk the Line, and Gladiator.
Nice.
And instead of Joker, they went with The Master.
Oh, that's a pro.
We're so close to the Scientology building.
All right.
I don't think that's how it works, but...
Is that proximity to landmarks that ranks your IMDb page,
no matter where you are?
But you've got three points.
This is a hot lead here.
This means a lot to me.
This means more to me than it should.
Round two.
Starts with a motion picture called...
Do we have to hit?
You don't have to, but I liked it.
I like the buzzing.
Just gotta say your own name Okay okay
I'll stop buzzing
The first film Sam
Is Jurassic Park
Uh oh
Eliza's buzzing in with her hand
Lorna Dern
That is correct
Oh Jesus What Lorna Dern? That is correct. No! Jesus.
What?
Because I don't know
who the other dude is
with the neckerchief.
Ryan Sam Neill,
really,
he listens to this show
and he's not happy.
Yeah, he wasn't in...
He's crying
his little eyes out
right now
after dramatically
pulling off his sunglasses.
Yeah.
You buzzed in again.
Okay, so you get to name three more for bonus points.
You're running away with this thing.
I can't.
I can say marriage story.
You could say that.
What else could you say?
Prior to that, off the top of my head,
but I guess I can't say TV.
Any TV? Oh, it's IMDb.
So I could.
It could be TV.
Fuck, what's it called?
Not Sharp Objects.
It's not Sharper Image.
It's not all the small things.
Is it called Smart Objects?
What the hell is that show
called? First you gotta think about
what size of a show it is.
Big Little Lies. Big Little Lies.
Big Little Lies.
And that's all I got.
Yes, that's all you got.
Get Yourself a College Girl 2.
It's called Get Yourself a College Girl
as well.
College. College.
Grammar. I guess I could have
said Jurassic Park
too.
You could have
but why bother?
I wish you would have.
They did go with
Marriage Story
so that's one more
bonus point for you
but the other ones
they chose for Laura
were the movie Wild
and the movie
Blue Velvet.
Oh!
That was such
a good movie.
Good stuff.
All right, Eliza.
I don't know why these other guys are here.
Sam.
Oh, we got a pre-guess to the next one.
This is very exciting.
Who do you think it is, Sam?
Roll these Confederate dice.
What do you think?
Brad Pitt.
That is correct.
What? What is this game? Wait, Brad Pitt. That is correct. What?
No.
What is this game?
Wait, what happened?
What is going on here?
I didn't know the game was in play.
That's ridiculous.
What?
There's many games going on here.
You just got to stay in innovation.
Sit down, you racist asshole.
Oh, my God.
You just got standing ovation
On two names
He's not racist
He's my roommate
I was just yes anding
Your accusation
I know
I'm not gonna
Oh man
Oh lord
Is it really Brad Pitt?
It is
Well good luck
Naming any Brad Pitt movie
This isn't like a prank show Where Sam and I work it out ahead of time.
Does he have to guess the one you were going to say first?
Oh, I think that's only fair.
No, he can get up to four points.
Yeah, I mean, it's never happened before.
This is unprecedented.
It's pretty exciting, and I feel like it's going to happen again tonight.
Oh, to be alive. All right, Sam, what do you think it's going to happen again tonight. I want to be alive.
All right, Sam, what do you think?
I'm going to go with Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
That is a Brad Pitt movie.
I'm going to go with...
Where do you put the ellipses in that?
Once Upon a Time,
in Hollywood.
No.
It goes at the end.
No.
100%.
It's, depending on where you look, both. Both? Oh the end. No. 100%. It's,
depending on where you look,
both.
Both?
Yeah.
Oh, everybody wins.
Like the poster and the opening title
of the movie
have different ideas.
Yeah.
It's not once.
I don't care for that.
Dot, dot, dot.
Never.
Never.
They didn't spread out the ellipses
so it's just one dot
for three words.
I have a question.
Was it,
is it the opening credits?
I thought it was at the end
they did the name of the movie.
Oh, he doesn't say it at all
at the beginning?
No title card at the top?
I don't think there is no title card.
So there's no opening credits.
Do I get any points for that?
Just correcting you?
No, I mean,
I'll point you towards the door.
I'm already down 5-0 here.
That was so political.
What are your guesses, Sam?
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Okay.
Ocean's Eleven and Inglourious Bastards.
That was four?
Yeah.
Oh, the first one
was Once Upon a Time
in a Million.
Wait, for an extra point,
can I guess the one
that I think he didn't get right?
You can't get an extra point,
but sure is fun
to hear what you have to say.
Interview with Empire.
That's not in here.
I would have thought
Fight Club or Seven
would be on there.
There's a lot of big ones
in the Brad Pitt Canyon.
Curious Case of Benji B.
That's in there.
Yeah, but then you missed.
You're swinging and missing on the rest of them.
They went with 12 Monkeys, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Moneyball.
Oh, yeah.
I would never meet Joe Black.
I think Moneyball and Mr. and Mrs. Smith are two of my favorite Pitt movies.
But anyway, so you got one more point there.
I got two points.
Two total.
Yep.
Yep.
Eliza's got five.
Sam.
Sam's buzzing in on round four already.
This can't happen.
This cannot happen.
You know, I think it is happening.
Go ahead, Sam.
I think it's happening.
What is it, Sam?
It's Renee Zellweger.
That is incorrect.
You son of a bitch.
I thought it was.
How dare you, Doug?
Dude, is this quiz show?
What is this?
What did you invite me to, Doug?
Jesus.
It was Raisin Oats.
No!
It's Renee Zellweger.
Is it really?
It really is.
It really is.
I wanted it so badly to not be.
I gotta keep this honest.
You mentioned Quiz Show. Ever since that happened,
Quiz Shows have to be honest.
What?
I love that the three other people in the podcast with me are the last ones to figure this out.
They won the top four acting
awards at this last year's Oscars.
Oh, there's a thing to it!
Yeah. That's what it's there for. Oh, there's a thing to it! Yeah.
Yep, that's what it's there for,
to get that moment where somebody yells,
oh, there's a theme.
Oh, I didn't even think theme.
I said thing, and they were kind of like,
oh, we feel so bad for her.
This game's got a thing to it.
Oh, man.
Okay.
Judy, Bridget Jones Diary.
Oh, boy. Oh, man. Okay. Judy, Bridget Jones Diary. Oh, boy.
Oh, Cold Mountain.
And what the hell?
Nurse Betty.
Show off.
What's the one where they...
Wait, what did you say?
Judy.
No.
Cold Mountain.
Yes.
Bridget Jones Diary.
Yes.
And Nurse Betty. Can't Bridget Jones Diary. Yes. And Nurse Betty.
Can't be. Can't be.
You lost
everybody at Nurse Betty.
It's Jerry Maguire.
And Chicago.
Where P. Holmes
started.
Way through that.
So close to bringing it to a tie,
but you did not, Sam. Eliza
won that game. She sure did.
Even though you're psychic.
So close. I thought it
was psychic, but he's good at puzzles.
I had a tiebreaker
all set to go. Oh, man.
Wait, they did?
Stop it!
Your background!
There's always someone in the audience that loves math
and ruins it for the rest of us who aren't
paying attention. Yeah, no, he got the
point. That's right. See, that's what threw me
off is the
unprecedented buzzing in.
You guys are narcs. Buzzing in before.
So, okay, so
I'm doing the math again.
Yeah, it's a tie. So Brian
and Wayne, just sit this one out
for a second. Yeah, because we've been dominating
before.
We've been just...
They're really going to miss us in this game.
Sam. Bong Joon-hok!
The guy, the Korean guy. What's his name? Bong Joon-hok. The guy, the Korean guy.
What's his name?
Bong Joon-hok.
Is that right?
It's not hawk.
Hulk.
No, it's just H-O.
Bong Joon-ho?
Mm-hmm.
My dog's name is Tian Fu.
I'm doing the best I can.
Are you all right?
You won the tiebreaker.
The answer is Bong Joon-ho.
But she rang in with my name.
That's like scoring in your own goal.
I rang in with your name.
Son of a bitch.
I was trying to help you.
You don't need my help.
Now that I know the code.
Yeah, it was Okja, Snowpiercer, Memories of Murder, and The Host for Bong Joon-ho.
I love that movie.
Yeah, it's cool.
Is it the prequel to Parasite?
Nope.
Weirdly, no.
Nope.
It's a monster movie.
They're like themed after hosts
because there's Parasite,
there's the host.
That's what I'm saying.
Snowpiercer.
What's the other one?
What?
Okja.
All right.
Well, I won, so.
Okja's a big crazy pig.
It's available on most Delta flights.
He behaves pretty nicely.
Is it?
Yeah.
I watched Judy instead, but.
Is it like Donnie Darko?
Like it's by the Bay Pig in the City
or something like that?
No, it's about an imaginary animal
that's going to be eaten or killed.
Like Charlotte's Web.
It's funny that you mentioned Don but weirder Donnie Darko
because Jake Gyllenhaal
is in Oak Joe
is he really
so he only does
movies about
imaginary friends
no cause he was
also in the good girl
oh you know what
he fancied himself
a different person
in that so
you're not so off
Wayne chime in here
anytime
well the history
of Chicago
I know
all it's comedy
in the 90s
I guess I'll touch my face I don't know why I keep doing that no we don't realize how much we do it I know all its comedy in the 90s.
I guess I'm touching my face.
I don't know why I keep doing that.
No, we don't realize how much we do it.
Okay, so I won.
Yeah, you did.
You get to go first in our next game.
That's all you won.
So don't get too cocky.
Game's called ABCD's Nuts. Woo-hoo!
For no real good reason
It's a spelling game
Have you ever played this Wayne?
I have not
It's where I'll give you a letter
I'll go through and do it individually
Because we're going to spell something
You kind of know what letter is coming up
And when I come to you
You can name any movie that begins with that letter
And if you match the one I wrote down A of time, which I feel is going to happen tonight.
Okay.
Because this panel is on fire.
If you match what I wrote down.
After this panel.
You win automatically.
And also get us to our final game, which we don't have a ton of time for.
So I'm really rooting for you guys.
Let's do it.
It's been a year since we lost our friend Brody Stevens
so in his memory let's spell
Brody Stevens
and there is a theme.
There is a theme?
Okay. The first letter of course
in Brody Stevens is B so Eliza
just name any movie that begins with the letter B.
Can I ask you a question?
Does the article, like the, does that count?
It counts if the letter's T.
So it does.
Okay.
Okay, so then I can't say that one.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Babadook.
I think it's the Babadook.
Oh, give me a minute.
It is the Babadook.
But I'll let you have that one.
And then we're coming to you, Wayne.
I wrote down.
I could have said any other movie.
I wrote down, I could have said any other movie. I wrote down
Bang the Drum Slowly.
Slowly, yeah.
Yeah, Wayne.
I think it's the Bang the Drum.
Wayne, the letters.
I'm pretty sure.
It's A.
It's A Bang.
A Bang the Drum.
That's a De Niro movie.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I'm going to go with...
He plays a catcher dying of something.
Yeah.
Reds.
For R?
Yeah.
Okay.
Did you write that down?
Yeah.
Did you think of the theme yet?
Because I don't believe they do this in Reds.
I went with Rookie of the Year.
Oh, okay.
I think I know the theme now.
Now you're figuring it out.
Oh, Sam.
Yeah.
Oh, Sam!
Yeah, I got the theme now
okay
it's not communism
in 1917
I know that
oh boy
wow
just say any
I can't wait
until you tell me one
just say any
I know it's a tough one it is a tough one yeah you're never gonna no I'm never gonna mention that one Wow. Just say any. I can't wait until you tell me one. Just say any.
I know it's a tough one.
It is a tough one.
Yeah, you're never going to get it.
No, I'm never going to mention that one. You're never going to get it.
All right.
On Golden Pond.
I would love it if you wrote that down.
No, the answer is Off the Black.
Maybe I don't know this.
Starring Nick Nolte as a high school vampire umpire
d is the next letter to brian the letter d
shoot uh jesus christ yeah because i know this thing but now i'm like what's up oh wait i don't
know the theme you're gonna get it soon yeah but it has to be the first
letter
can't be
yeah first letter
can't be
so just say any one
that begins with D
alright
daredevil
good job
I went with damn Yankees
damn it
Yankees
yeah
why is back to you Eliz Eliza, the letter Y.
I completely missed the theme.
Can I?
Damn it.
So far we have Bang the Drum Slowly about catchers dying or something.
Rookie of the Year.
Off the Black is about an umpire and damn Yankees.
Okay.
And it's all a tribute to
Brody Stevens
oh okay
I get the theme
part of me feels
if I make up
a movie title
there will be a movie
named that
but it won't be
thematic
right so I should just do that feels like if I make up a movie title, there will be a movie named that, but it won't be thematic. Right. So I
should just do that.
Just say
anything that begins with Y because you want to stay in the game.
I know. Okay, fine. But I can't think of one. So
there's got to be a movie called... You can't think of a
movie that begins with Y?
Is there a movie called You?
There's a show. No, but there's definitely...
Wait! Just add a few more words.
Can I give you a hint?
Yeah, you can.
You can't take it with you?
You can't take it with you.
Okay.
I went with a movie called Yankee Immortals.
Question.
Is there a movie called Yours Truly?
There should be Maybe, yeah
Sounds like it
S to Wayne
Am I still in?
I think I got this
I think the theme is baseball
And
What is it called?
Seven
One of the greatest baseball movies of all time
What? Seven With the guy with the head in the box Yeah, yeah, yeah One of the greatest baseball movies of all time.
What?
Seven, with the guy with the head in the box. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, because in Field of Dreams,
it's in a field where he reveals her head.
And that's the dream.
That's the dream.
That's the dream, is your wife's severed head in the box.
I really thought you were going to do this way.
It's summer catch.
Oh, I did see that.
Yeah.
I did see that move. I did see that movie.
T, Sam.
The Natural.
Perfect answer, but no.
It's Trainspotting, isn't it?
No.
I went with The Love of the Game.
Oh, that's so mean.
Yeah.
Doug, I have a quibble.
Why?
It's for love of the game.
Quibble's making a lot of good original shows.
But it still, as it turns out,
is the thing I wrote down
that you didn't say.
That doesn't change anything.
That starts with an F.
It makes it way less fair for you.
Oh, I see.
Okay, then.
No, that's fine.
As long as we're in agreement on that.
I have no quibble.
The next letter, Brian,
is E. The quibble is sustained.
E, Brian.
Yeah, E.
The theme is baseball.
The theme is baseball.
So, E. Okay.
Eternal sunshine. The theme is baseball. The theme is baseball. So E, okay. Eternal
Sunshine.
Of the Spotless Mind?
That's the title.
I think it's
for Eternal
Sunshine.
I am it.
I went with 8 Men Out.
8 Men Out.
8 Men Out oh you can spell
the number
you sure can
you can read that
I'm just texting my dad
that I love him
I'm not cheating
do you want to check in
with your dad
see if he's got a V title
my dad just wrote
oh he'll definitely have one
we can call him right now
and he'll know it
he loves baseball
he won't
because I couldn't find
a baseball movie.
It begins with the letter
V. So you got a real
shot here. I was going to say
Varsity Blues. Yeah, great.
I should have done that. I should have written that down
because it would have kept it in the sports area.
But I wrote down
V for Vendetta.
That's very Doug.
I think I have the other E.
Here we go. Wayne with the other E.
God.
No, I don't have it.
I got it.
Ernest goes to camp.
No! It's Ed!
It's not Ed!
Fucking Matt LeBlanc plays baseball with a monkey!
Endless Summer? It's not Ed! It's not Ed. Fucking Matt LeBlanc plays baseball with a monkey. Oh.
There you go.
Endless Summer?
It's true.
No,
it's a movie called
Everybody Wants Some.
Oh.
These are...
Linklater movie
about baseball.
I feel like we've
strayed from the theme,
Doug.
That movie is about
people who play baseball.
The entire movie.
I've never seen Doug
more serious
than just now.
That was the sequel
to Dazed and Confused.
He's got so serious.
He's going to quibble
about everything
I fucking say
for the rest of the show.
No.
I love the baseball scene
in V for Vendetta.
N.
The letter is N.
Ooh, I know this one.
No, I'm kidding.
It's a blaxploitation film
with the N word.
Never say never again. It's a blaxploitation film with the N word. Never say never again.
It's not even a movie.
Naked God
from the Files
of Police Squad.
Oh, yeah.
O.J. was the umpire.
Remember that?
Well, no.
No, O.J.
practically fell to his death.
Enrico Palazzo
is the umpire.
You're right.
You know movies.
A few.
You want to get out of here?
You have a chance
to win this thing.
Brian, you can win this thing
if you come up with
one of three
movies that begin
with the letter S.
Also, it's The Naked Gun.
That had a...
No, that one's
actually just naked.
Really?
Yeah, I know, right?
I'll take your word for it. Yeah, the sequels were The N. Really? Yeah, I know, right?
I'll take your word for it.
Yeah, the sequels were the naked gun, blah, blah, blah,
whatever those other words were.
Two and a half and 33 and a third, the smell of fear.
See, he knows it exactly.
Actually, no, the two and a half is the smell of fear.
Three is the final insult.
Thank you, dad. I love Brody Stevens.
What the hell was that?
But baseball's so boring. I love Brody Stevens, but baseball is so boring.
I love Brody Stevens, but baseball is so boring.
You know Paul Feig is in Naked Gun 33 and a Third?
No.
He's a featured extra in the Oscars scene.
Wayne Fetterman knew that.
I knew that.
Is somebody giving you a stretch signal?
We've got another fucking game to play and we're already over.
Sorry, Doug.
I thought we wanted to talk about movies here.
I do.
I want a movie that begins with S
that has some or a lot of baseball in it.
And I wrote down three of them.
I got it.
He's got it.
Here we go.
This is it.
Saw 1, 2, and 3.
You're out!
No, and 3. You're out!
Although Sam might argue this first one.
Oh!
What?
Sandlot!
He said it already.
The Sandlot.
That is so stupid.
And pedantic.
Texting my dad.
The working title was for The Sandlot. I went with 61, Space Jam.
Yeah, and somebody over there pointed out that 61 begins with an asterisk.
Thank you.
That's the second asterisk reference here tonight.
Asterisk and quote will really make a comeback.
The asterisk still comes after, right?
61 was an HBO made for TV movie.
Made for TV. That's HBO, so it's not TV.
Billy Clifton.
But this is the greatest baseball movie of all time,
if you like movies where someone dies because of a baseball injury.
Simon Burch.
Oh, Ashley Judd.
Oh, yeah.
Holy shit.
She gets clocked with a baseball and then that's it.
Is she in the stands?
No, she's walking.
She walks up.
Isn't she going to walk up like, my boy's playing baseball?
Yep.
And then she dies.
Well, it's because Simon Birch hit a home run.
He killed his mother?
That's not his mother.
Okay.
I never saw the movie.
It's one of the only people
who was nice to him.
That's right.
So that was a bad call
on his part to murder her.
Don't say that
into the microphone.
The shitty ball player
that's Simon Burch.
All right,
we got to wrap this up
real quick.
So we'll play a super fast
version of
Last Woman Stanton.
All I need...
Oh, and so
since no one won
that last thing...
No one?
I thought I was close.
Eliza gets to go first again in the next game.
And then we'll switch the order.
We'll go to Brian, then to Sam.
I'm not going to play because we're in a hurry.
Where is j.m.free from Instagram?
Right here.
Hey, dude.
Hey.
What's your actual name?
John.
John.
Thank you for reaching out to me, John.
Are you visiting from somewhere?
from Durham, North Carolina Durham, North Carolina
thank you for coming
all this way
Bull Durham, that's right
it could have been the B in Brody
it could have been Bull Durham
alright, so what's your suggestion for
actress name for us to toss around
if you match the name that I have in my
wallet you you win the Doug Benson pin and what are we up to 60 bucks 40 bucks
it's not 300 shut up yeah I'm gonna add $20 every time somebody doesn't match me
and so I think it might be up to 40 or 60.
What do you got?
Shit.
I had a really good actor.
I didn't realize it needed to be an actress.
You didn't realize it had to be an actress? Rack your brains.
Sorry.
How dare you disrespect me, actresses.
Literally any woman in a movie ever.
All the people that are out there dying right now.
They can't be here.
What about...
Probably.
Natalie Portman.
Who?
Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman.
Okay.
I like it.
We've heard of her.
Yeah.
All right.
So take turns naming Natalie Portman movies.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
Just go?
Yeah.
Well, just one at a time.
Starting with you, Eliza.
Black Swan.
Oh, yes.
Won the Oscar for that one.
Brian?
Oh, Star Wars.
Phantom Menace.
That was mine!
Interesting.
Someone wants the full title.
Oh, damn it!
The Phantom Menace?
Damn articles.
But there's like a number in there.
Okay.
Oh, I don't know.
Star Wars 5.
8.
I saw it as a kid, you guys.
What do you want from me?
A kid?
How old are you?
That was that long ago, yeah.
When was it?
It was like this summer.
It was the 90s?
Fuck is going on here?
90, that's, yeah, guys.
Is Moses out?
That's what I hear though.
21 years ago.
He'll be out soon enough, Sam.
Star Wars Episode 2, Attack of the Clones.
Oh, she's in more than one?
Wayne?
Oh, yes, she is.
The Professional.
Yeah.
Sometimes called Leon, colon, The Professional.
Am I out?
No.
Is he still in?
Yeah.
Star Wars.
He's still in.
Garden State
Yeah
Brian
I'm out
She's
I remember
She's already out
Yeah
Sammy
Star Wars Episode 3
Revenge of the Sith
I always thought that one
Was the Sith one
In the series
Sith Third Bank I always thought that one was the Sith one in the series.
Sith third bank?
That was a Sith burn.
Wayne?
Oh, I think she was in... You've never been in anything with her?
No, no.
I think she was in that Scorsese movie.
Oh, right.
The drama.
I think it was called Poor Mama.
I meant a period drama.
What is the name of that movie?
Give me a second.
Give me a second.
I know we're starting on time.
Let's start doing plugs.
What do you got to plug, Sam?
Oh, DC Daily,
man. We're on the DC Universe
streaming platform. We have brand new
episodes five days a week. They're in front of the paywall.
Come watch us for free and
I don't know, tweet about it.
Be like, hey, that DC Daily show, that's alright.
Yeah, that's...
He's telling you exactly what to say.
How easy is that? There you go.
That DC Daily show. Yeah, you guys like Daily Show Do you like your Batman, your Superman
I can't think of the name of that movie
I know this is wrong but I'm going to say The Wrestler
Why would she be in that
Why would she be in that
I don't know
I'm out
What was the name of that movie The Wrestler had Marisa Tomei Not her I don't know, baby. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.
What was the name of that movie?
The Wrestler.
We had Marissa Tomei, not her.
What were you thinking of my cousin Vinny?
No lifelines.
We ran out of time.
Eliza?
Is there a movie where she's also with another girl?
Like a prostitute, right?
There's something.
Something.
Yeah.
What is it? Inherent Vices? This is the pitch. What's going on right there's something something yeah what is it
inherent vices
this is the pitch
it's something
yeah
you're out
I'm out
no Eli's out
no
you're not out
uh uh
you got another one
another portman
yeah
can I
give it to us
oh V for Vendetta
yeah
isn't she in that
yeah
what
yeah she plays the title V I'm sorry I scared you Give it to us. Oh, V for Vendetta. Yeah. Isn't she in that? Yeah. What?
Yeah.
She plays the title V.
I'm sorry.
I scared you.
I scared you.
I scared you with my victory.
It's crazy.
She's also in a movie called Closer.
Oh, you're not even blinking.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
It's Natalie Portman.
She's a Jewish girl. Is she in...
So is she in any, like,
Israeli movies?
I think this is
Scarlett Johansson
that's in her,
so that's my other vote.
Yeah.
But you were
a strong competitor.
Oh, I don't...
Oh, was she in, like,
a Jurassic Park?
Closing time
No
Can I have a clue
Sam give her another one
Anywhere but here
Rub it in
I'd rather be anywhere but here
How about another one
Losing
You want me to stall now
Which one of the
Buddy sex movies was she in
Oh she's in
No Strings Attached
Yeah I always get confused
With the other one Me too What with the other one. Me too.
What's the other one called?
Oh, Friends with Benefits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wasn't that Mila Kunis?
Yeah, so one's in one and one's in the other and I get
them confused because they were both in Black Swan
together. Five points when we started.
Right. I know. What happened to those five points?
Those points, they just magically go away.
Can I convert them? No, they're not
convertible. To toys? But you can do
whatever plugs you want
to do besides, of course, Spencer Confidential
on Netflix. So I can't plug that.
You said besides.
Yeah, well, I mean, because I just said it.
I just sold the shit out of it.
The Eliza Schlesinger sketch show premieres
April 1st on Netflix.
So check that out.
And you can come see me do stand-up in a city or country near you.
Tickets at eliza.com slash tour.
Yeah, you got a million dates coming up.
Yeah.
Yeah, crazy.
I gotta feed this dog.
Yeah.
Keep that dog fed.
Brian Moses, what's going on with you?
Just keep coming to the Rose Bowl every Tuesday night at the Comedy Store.
Tonight, are you guys going to go over there?
Tonight. Every Tuesday, 10.30. Tonight. Are you guys going to go over there? Tonight.
Every Tuesday, 10.30.
Thank you for being here, dude.
Thanks for having me. And Wayne, do you have anything to plug?
Yes, I do. I am on a Quibi show before that goes under.
Wow.
I hate to quibble with you, but I think
Quibi's good to stay.
I'm good. I love it. It's called
Dummy. It's called Dummy.
Based on the Adrian Brody movie? Is that Cody
Heller's show? Yeah.
I love Cody. I watched her Instagram
while she was making it. It's about a sex doll.
It's got Anna Kendrick in it. Oh, so it kind of is.
You guys are like, oh, sex doll.
Do you want to know what I play in the...
Want to know what I play? I'm hoping it's
Sex Doll Salesman.
Close?
Sex Doll Repairman.
The role you were born to play.
What do you do?
Just come in and re-inflate it?
All right.
That's awesome.
She doesn't... She gets kind of skittish sometimes. That's awesome. Oh!
She doesn't...
She gets kind of skittish sometimes.
I was wondering.
Yeah, she's scared of what's going on.
She's her rescue.
She's drinking the vodka.
Ian, come get your prizes, please.
Where's Ian at?
Over here.
There you go.
Come on and grab your stuff.
And, yeah.
For all of my dates and deets, go to DougLovesMovies.com.
That's DougLovesMovies.com!
Yeah!
Caw-caw!
Wild Wildin'!
Shh!
Ted Danson?
That's it.
One more time for all my guests.
Sam Levine, Ray Fetterman,
Eliza Stessinger,
Brian Moses.
Thank you, UCB.
See you guys in two weeks.
As always, positive energy!
Thank you! talking, eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug
loves movies!