Doug Loves Movies - Iliza Shlesinger, Kulap Vilaysack and Wayne Federman guest
Episode Date: March 22, 2016Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in Los Angeles, Doug welcomes comedians Iliza Shlesinger, Kulap Vilaysack and Wayne Federman to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and ...California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby stickies
He's with 50-as-a-top or kernels in his feet
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Perfect. You're hired.
Coming to you from one of our two L.A. homes,
the Nerd Melt showroom in the back of Meltdown Comics,
and it feels like not only
has the air conditioning
been fixed,
yeah, now we're too cold.
So I'll try to spend
a lot of time discussing
John Carpenter's The Thing
and The Revenant and other movies that seem very cold.
It's Sunday, March 20, 2016.
Name tags, anyone?
Oh, terrific.
Lots of them.
There's an Anaconda.
What's your name?
Amanda.
Amanda Conda?
I love it.
Dr. Nora. What's that? What did that Amanda Conda? Yes. I love it.
Dr. Nora, what's that, what did that used to be?
Dr. No.
Dr. No, the James Bond?
Very nice, Dr. Nora.
Whose faces are those on there?
I'm on there?
Me.
You?
Mark, well, Mark Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg.
Michael Sheen.
Michael Sheen and?
Jeff. Jeff Ten. And Jeff.
Jeff Tate.
All right.
Well, one of those is here today.
Me.
We got a Christine where I'm at the wheel of Christine.
So that's a fun image.
And I assume your name is Christine.
And you were in line like an hour ago.
And you got front row seats, so congratulations.
And what's, Being John Johnovich?
Because that's your actual name, John Johnovich?
No?
Your actual name is Being Johnovich?
And what is it for reals?
John.
John?
Right on, John. John? Right on, John. Escape from Alcatraz, and I'm like sticking my head through the crack in Alcatraz like,
oh boy, I'm gonna escape.
Well, there's, oh, Brad Boys too, I like that.
What is this over here?
Notice the number, the combo numbers on some of your favorite items has changed.
So that's more of a public
service announcement that if you
go to Jack in the Box and you
order a number three, it might now
be a number four.
Thanks for that. Well, thank
you to everybody for bringing those.
Excellent work. Time
for Doug plugs. I just recorded
a new Dining with Doug and Karen, so
that's why I'm moving a little slow right now
because I ate too much.
And it should be ready for your ears
in the comedy podcast section of
iTunes or at nerdist.com
now-ish.
San Jose
this Thursday night is a stand-up
show, but bring your name tags.
And then Saturday afternoon, definitely bring your name
tags for Doug Loves Movies, both at the beautiful san jose improv the next la douglas movies taping is on
wednesday march 30th at eight o'clock at the ucb theater franklin location and douglas movies is
coming to greenville south carolina for the first time on saturday apr 19th. Wait, April 9th, sorry.
I used the L in April and thought it said 19.
April 9th at the Comedy Zone at 420-ish there in Greenville.
First time in Greenville ever, I think.
I'm pretty sure.
DouglasMovies.com for all my dates, deets, and links.
Now it's time for Watch This, Not That.
The number one movie in the country is Zootopia Zadora.
And the number two movie is the Divergent series,
Allegiant, Detergent, Redundant.
So see, hello, my name is Doris.
This has been Watch This, Not That,
Root for the underdog edition
the prize bag
is chock full of stuff
because
in my travels lately
I've been
picking up a lot of
I don't want to
call it junk
some of it's
quite valuable
in fact
in the top
and then I'll
rearrange things
when I put everything
back in
but the top of the bag
is a very nice prize
for someone here today.
It's a Roku!
Yeah,
Roku 4.
Yeah, 4K Ultra
HD. It's in a box,
it's very heavy,
and it says there's 300,000
movies and TV episodes to choose
from when you have Roku.
So yeah, so that's going in the bag,
along with some VHS tapes from my vast collection.
We've got an episode of Do-Over,
which nobody even remembers.
But it wasn't a bad show.
And the episode was called Investing the Future.
So it's about a kid gets to do over part of his life again, And the episode was called Investing the Future. So...
It's about a kid gets to do over part of his life again,
so he probably makes some wise investments in that episode.
And then Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called The Zeppo,
which I recall is a really good episode.
It was really a great episode for Nicholas Brandon
and his character, Xander.
This is just, it's getting weird,
the submissions for prize bag shit,
because I assume this is why I got this.
Somebody sent to my agent,
with no note or explanation,
a VHS copy of Gwar.
It's a Gwar tape.
I guess it's like a concert or is it... The running time is 66 minutes.
And it's called Skullhead Face.
So it's going in the bag.
Because if they'd have left a note saying,
Doug, you really need to see this,
then I would have purchased a VCR and went to the trouble.
We did an At Midnight episode from South by Southwest
in Texas a week ago Friday.
And it was only on Periscope,
but they had these shirts.
They had a box open by the door that said,
at midnight in Texas, and on the back it says staff.
So they were probably short a couple of people that night
because I took a couple of them when nobody was looking.
Maybe you could sneak onto the set
of At Midnight wearing that. This is a beautiful
shirt somebody gave me
out there on the road.
It says never hello on it
which is
it's like saying always
hi. Never
you never want to be hell low.
Hella low. You want to be high.
So, yeah.
And it's pink tie-dye.
So it's really a win-win
of how much
explaining you have to do
when you show up on casual Friday.
Also from Texas, somebody gave me a Texas Go Bigger Go Home lighter.
And I wrote the guy's Twitter name on the back so I could give him proper credit.
A-Ray SSB.
So also if you win the lighter today, please reach out to him and thank him for it.
And he deserves it it a koozie
that says Houston normal on it I'm not familiar with that organization or what
they do also a sticker that says midnight live from Texas this is a
wonderful Jenga I'm creating here wonderful prize Jenga and then finally
this was just placed on me
by a lady as a
promotional item in a bar in Texas.
It's a Malibu rum
headband.
But if you wear it this way, it's pretty
attractive and you don't have to
promote the word Malibu
on your noggin.
And I think that's everything.
And it all comes in a lovely South by Southwest bag.
And we're also going to have three guests come out here
and put some stuff in it as well.
Let's give a big, warm welcome, you guys,
to which side of the page is it on?
Oh, there it is.
Please welcome Kulip Vilayisok,
Wayne Federman, and Eliza Schlesinger.
Thank you.
Hello.
Not hello.
Let's talk to the ladies first.
Do it, of course.
Just hang back for a second.
Of course.
You don't need to Pete Holmes this shit.
What does that mean?
Just laugh really loud.
Yeah, that's what Pete does.
Let's say hi to our first-time guest on the program,
Eliza Schlesinger, everybody.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I left my prize in the room.
I didn't know we had to bring them out.
I'm sorry.
Oh, that's okay.
You got a handler back there, right? Brian, will you grab the gifts?
The gifts for the masses?
Yeah.
I only brought three gifts.
You brought more than one thing?
You brought multiple items?
I thought I was told to bring...
Everybody brought like a variety of things.
They did.
In the example that was...
Okay, whatever.
I got it.
Oh, you listened to an episode
and heard people giving away everything they own?
Because you don't...
Everybody doesn't have to be Michael Sheen.
Right.
I got the gifts here now.
Okay, what do you got?
Oh, you do it?
Might as well, right?
We're already talking about it.
I have two headshots of my dog.
A couple of Blanche photographs.
Yeah.
She has her own Instagram.
And then I was going to Venmo someone in the audience $25.
I downloaded the app just for you guys.
It was $50. And then Jacob Seroff was like, it's too much, and I was like, Jews, unite.
Okay, so we're gonna go less.
So you get 25.
He said 18.
I was like, that's too much.
Thanks a lot, Jacob.
Why are you hanging around when you're not even on the show?
Get out of here.
Talking down the prize value.
Just a little bit.
50's a lot, because I thought we had to do multiple,
and I was, and then, because originally it was 100,
and then I thought, I thought I had to give multiple gifts, and I was, and then, because originally it was 100,
and then I thought, I thought I had to give multiple gifts,
and I was like, I can't just give out hundreds.
I can, but I'm not going to.
25 for one person.
No, 25 is plenty generous, and then, but I don't,
when you texted me about it today, you were like,
I'm going to give away some money on Venmo.
So that's like just how you give other people money?
That's what the site is for?
I never, someone told me about it the other day.
Yeah, it's just to like very quickly.
But not, you should tap phones.
Remember when you could tap phones and exchange information?
Remember bumping?
Do you guys remember that?
I remember that.
That's what it should be.
But you have to like, in your info,
you have to have Venmo for it to work.
So really whoever has Venmo.
It's really a prize sponsored by Venmo.
That really disqualifies a lot of the people
that went to the trouble of making a name tag
I guess they could sign up for Venmo because of this
Do it right now
But keep listening
Sign up for Venmo
I get people write to me all the time on Twitter
I signed up on Twitter just to say this to you
And then they don't
That's all they say
Like alright
Thank God you reached out.
Thank God they did something.
And you have a program,
a new show
that I love the premise of it.
I haven't seen it yet.
Separation Anxiety?
Yes, it's on TBS.
It's a game show on TBS
every Tuesday.
Thank you.
Every Tuesday at 10.
But it's a game show
where the contestants get,
you know,
they can win money or whatever, but they also get severely fucked with. You get severely fucked
with, uh, of the two, there's two people you bring on. One gets severely fucked with and
the other one knows everything that's going on. And that's where the stress comes in because
there's $250,000 at stake and your partner's in another room and they think they're just
playing for 2,500. So they keep playing,
and it's like $1,000 increments each time.
They're like, yeah, let's just keep playing.
If you get one wrong, the whole thing is ruined.
So someone's wife is on the other end like,
we need a new house!
They're like, let's keep playing.
It's only $2,500.
Yeah, it's real. Marriage is end of the show.
It's real shaky.
Yeah.
Did anybody collapse or anything?
Any fainting or heart attacks?
Much to my dismay, no.
Because you want that.
You want them to come out.
You want someone to have at least a minor coronary something.
People, for the good of the, were into it.
The second the doors opened, they're like, oh shit, let's get it cracking.
You're like, why are you so ready to go?
So that's what we get for vetting good people, I guess.
It's good.
Well, also, you're going to have to think of a new twist for the second season that is a quality problem if enough people see the show that they
know the premise that no one can be on the show then we probably have the most successful show
ever but you know like what's his name had that radio call-in show for a long time where phil
hendry where he'd play all the characters and he would just rile people up because because on the
radio they're just flipping along and they find it and they're in a truck generally.
And then they call in and argue with these.
A long haul truck.
Yeah, and they end up arguing with these characters.
So I think especially with the way media has been,
there's so much niche marketing of everything
that I bet you there's plenty of people
that will have not seen the show.
For sure.
And will fall for it.
It's also cable.
For like seasons into it.
Which also will be hilarious in and of itself
that there are these dummies that
still haven't caught on.
What we should do is just go to like Iowa and be like
we're just shooting the show here for six weeks
and just like pick states over there.
You guys didn't like that, but it's true.
Do it in Kevin Posner's
cornfield.
Yeah.
If you shoot it, they will come.
Yeah.
It's like a
tourist attraction.
You can go there
and stand around
and wait for the ghost
of Ray Liotta
who does not come
because Ray Liotta
is still with us.
He's still alive, yeah.
But if,
I've said it before,
dead Ray Liotta
should definitely
haunt that cornfield
because that would be hilarious.
Didn't Dominic get whacked in a cornfield
at the end of Goodfellas?
Well, we're not into spoilers on this show, first of all.
I thought I was trying to show how much I know
about two movies.
That's from 1980.
We haven't seen it yet.
Wait, was it that
old ago?
Or was it 90?
I think it was the 90s.
Yeah.
All right.
Thank you for bringing that
and I guess you'll have to
work it out
with your,
whoever.
I'll just,
whoever wins,
we'll go in the back.
We'll sit in my car
for a minute.
We'll Venmo.
We'll Venmo. That sounds like an even better prize. Just because it's more We'll sit in my car for a minute. We'll Venmo. We'll Venmo.
That sounds like an even better prize.
Just because it's more personal.
Sit in my car for a minute.
I'm going to yell at you and then pet your hair.
Yeah.
It's like we're dating.
I love it.
Kula Vlysak is here, everybody.
Hi.
Hello.
Yes.
Hello, Dougie B.
Thank you for coming back.
I'm excited to be here.
Thank you for being a participant
in the version that was in
the movie Chronicon
when you were at...
Oh, that's right.
You know you're in my movie, right?
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
With Scotty and Bepo.
Yes.
Well, for everybody else,
Scott Ackerman and Brian Poseid
you guys all knew
yeah and it's super fun
to have you guys on and in the movie
like that's the only time we've one of the few times
that we've filmed Doug Lowe's movies for anything
it's usually just an audio podcast
and I'm excited to have you back too
because you've got a show that you
let me make sure I get the credits right
co-wrote co-created co-starote, co-created, co-starred, and co-directed?
I was the only created.
Only created?
I'm the only created.
No co.
No co.
No co.
But co is on the others?
Yeah, I'm one of the executive producers.
I did direct some.
I wrote some, too.
And it's called Bajillion Dollar Properties?
On CISO. Oh, I like that reaction. And it's called Bajillion Dollar Properties. On CISO.
Oh, I like that reaction.
CISO and CISO.
I love that reaction.
Yeah, it's been really exciting. It just debuted
just this past Thursday.
Do you think you could watch it on this little item right here?
You guys, here's the thing.
You can.
You can watch
Bajillion Dollar Properties on Roku. You can watch the Jillian Dollar properties on
Roku
you can watch it
on Comcast
pretty soon
it's gonna be
on Apple TV
yay
of course you can
watch the pilot
for free right now
on Facebook
and YouTube
check it out
sell it girl
it's like
Reno 911
said in the world
of million dollar
listing
Los Angeles I'm cool I feel like a sock Reno 911, send the world a million dollar listing.
Los Angeles.
I'm cool, I feel ASOC.
It's like if Reno 911 met... Exclamation point.
Sally.
Met Sally Mae and Fannie Mac?
Yes.
No, the real estate a-holes. That's right.
Yeah. That's what I call
them. That's your
version of the show?
That's pretty succinct. Pretty accurate? It is.
Alright. Got lots of funny people in it.
Many of whom have been on this show.
Yes. And
excited to check it out. Thank you.
And what do you have for the prize bag in your
lap this whole time?
I've been making you
just sit there holding it
like a baby.
Yes.
It's a really,
really cheap champagne.
California Champagne
by Cooks.
Oh, Cooks.
Ah, yes, yes.
What a great,
when it says Cooks
on the label,
it means you don't care at all.
It weighs as much as a toddler.
Don't sue us, cooks.
It's probably delicious.
Now, is anybody here today under 21 in the audience
that made a name tag that might be eligible?
Because we will hold out on you.
You will not get this gigantic.
It's so big and so heavy.
This would take down a boat if you christened it.
A magnum of cooks.
I can't even put it on the prize bag
because I do not want to risk crushing the guar VHS.
That would be so tragic.
And finally, another regular guest on the program,
Wayne Fetterman is here.
Thank you, guys.
Take it down.
Take it down.
Take it down.
Bring it up.
Bring it up for Wayne.
Take it down.
Doug, I do not have a show on TBS or Cisco or whatever it's called.
It's CISO.
It's CISO.
I know what it's called.
That's my way of doing comedy.
I mispronounce things.
So I don't have a show. So what
am I doing here?
Because coming up very
soon here in Los Angeles
is the... How many
annuals? Fourth annual?
Fifth annual? Fifth annual.
Wayne Fetterman International
Film Festival.
Not on any, not streaming.
It's just there.
It's a live event.
Is there any movies from other countries
in the festival this year?
Because there's been a lot of hashtags
that are angry about this.
This year, let me go through the list.
I don't think so.
Just tell us what's in store this year.
Because each night, each show,
because there's more than one show on some days,
is a different comedian.
Each night is two comedians.
A person from a world of comedy.
Right, right.
Introducing a movie that inspired them.
Or that they love.
Yeah, okay.
Right.
Which, if you love it, that's probably inspirational.
Not always.
I like to be specific.
Okay.
But I know language is loose.
That's fine.
It's the one thing we have to communicate.
That's all right.
It's no big deal.
No big deal.
Just go ahead and say,
you think Eliza should have went with $15?
$15.
I'm doing $15.
I'll do $15.
She can change it at any time.
I don't have to do it at all.
That's the beauty of it.
I could just say I did it and leave,
and by the time it hits your account,
you'll be like, what is this?
I thought of a good prize.
Somebody could come over to your home and walk Blanche.
I don't want to give that away.
Oh, that's true.
You love that.
Why would I want to give that away?
It's your favorite part of the day.
Yeah.
It's the only part of the day sometimes.
It's a lonely career.
So comics just get up and they talk about
their favorite movie
no
comics
or a movie they love
I just feel like
it would be a lot
get it right
movie they love
I just feel like
it would be a lot of comics
saying American Beauty
I feel like that was the one
really
yeah
no one
I don't think that's
no one
why would comics love that movie
it's just
it's an artsy thing to say
oh I see
so I got you
it makes you sound deep
because you stared at a bag.
Kevin Spacey.
I don't want to spoil it.
It is a deep-ass movie.
If I'm not mistaken,
best picture of 1999.
1998.
98.
I don't know.
That was fun.
I don't know.
Name that movie.
Are you sure?
I don't know,
but she could have watched it
for the bajillionaire's inspiration
because it was about realtors.
That's right.
Yeah, Annette Bening's character
would fit in great on your show.
Peter Gallagher was also a realtor in that.
Great eyebrows.
Yeah, that movie was like,
I liked that movie,
but I always felt like it was like
a very high-end version of Three's Company.
Because if you really think about it, it's like,
oh, he thinks he's gay, and he's not really.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I didn't know where you were going with that.
No, everyone's a mischievous.
Everyone doesn't understand each other.
Everyone's Mr. Roper, yeah.
Everyone's Mr. Roper in that movie.
So, anyway.
So, yeah.
Let's go through the lineup.
Thursday night, opening night is Tig Notaro.
And she's doing Urban Cowboy.
Do you know that film?
Great movie.
Interesting that she would find inspiration in that.
Steve McQueen.
Steve McQueen?
John Travolta.
Sorry, I was thinking of Rhinestone Cowboy.
Steve McQueen's not in Rhinestone Cowboy.
Yeah, yeah.
What's the one where he...
That's Robert Redford.
Robert Redford.
Looks and sucks his way to redemption.
Yeah, whoops-a-daisy.
Right.
Whatever.
Who cares?
John Travolta.
I mean, Steve McQueen was an urban cowboy, so to speak.
Right, of course.
But he was in his car.
Who's the one with Al Pacino?
Not Al Pacino.
Fucking Dustin Hoffman.
Are you thinking of cruising?
No!
Midnight Cowboy.
Midnight Cowboy.
Okay.
None of you knew either.
So she knew, but she said nothing.
She just went like that.
I don't know if that was for me.
We're going to be playing games.
We're going to be playing games later,
and so I would yell at them for yelling out answers.
That's why they're so timid.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah.
I didn't know if it was...
I really blow up on people.
Well, then she wouldn't have heard me say it.
It was Midnight Cowboy.
Okay, so the Matt Besser's doing Sgt. Pepper's.
Right, that horrible, horrible movie.
I know.
I feel bad.
He's going to have an interesting take
on why it was inspirational to him.
No, his two movies, it was his third choice.
What?
He may get a redo.
Really?
He may get a redo, yeah.
You mean because it's selling poorly?
Okay.
Well, not because of that.
Because if it's you and me and Matt Besser just watching that movie in a room, I'm in.
He may get a redo.
To present it to a whole crowd.
Because it's kind of awful where there's no laughs.
Because it's just awful in a very fluid way.
Like there's not anything specific happening.
Yeah.
That you would laugh at.
It's just more like vaguely funny.
I don't even use the word funny to describe any part of that movie.
We'll see what happens.
We'll see what happens.
I feel bad. Matt is upset with me describe any part of that movie. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. I feel bad.
Matt is upset with me.
It's a long story.
Anyway, sometimes George Burns is like, I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in.
And it's like, I can't believe this is happening.
Okay, then Zach Galifianakis is doing a movie I've never seen called Blue Ruin.
It's great.
It's a great movie.
It's very slow burn, that movie.
It is, okay.
Yeah, and I think Zach likes it
because the hero of the movie has an ugly beard.
I love that you know that movie.
Then, oh, Keegan-Michael Key is doing-
It's a tough name to negotiate.
Yes, Withnail and I. Foreign film, foreign film, international. Yeah negotiate. Yes. With Nail and I.
Foreign film.
Foreign film.
International.
Yeah.
Some call it Wittnell and I,
or they pronounce it like they do in the movie,
but With Nail works also.
Right, right, right.
And yeah, that's a great one.
Yeah, okay.
And then...
Interesting choice for him.
I know.
Right?
We're going to find out why.
Rob Corddry, the original Arthur.
Do I have to say the original?
I would, yeah. Yeah, okay. Probably a good thing to say thatdry, the original Arthur. Do I have to say the original? I would, yeah.
Yeah, okay. Probably a good thing to say that.
Yeah, the original Arthur. And then Mulaney, the Burbs.
John Mulaney showing the Burbs.
This is a crazy thing. I've never seen the Burbs.
Oh, you'll love it. It is? It's terrific.
Yeah. And then Closing Night.
Rick Dukeman, you knew him. Yeah, of course.
He's very funny in it. Yeah.
And then Closing night, Doug Benson does
an interruption
and always does a classic movie
at my festival. Well, we started doing that
and has picked
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
So if you want to see that.
The original, not the remake.
First of all, there is no remake.
4.20 in the afternoon. Oh, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Right, right, right.
I do lose sleep every night though, thinking I'm going. At 4.20 in the afternoon. Oh, Charlie and the Chocolate Pack. Right, yeah. Whatever the name.
But you're okay.
I do lose sleep every night, though,
thinking that I'm going to show up the day of the show
and they're going to have the wrong one.
It's so bad.
No, no, no.
It would just only be an interruption.
I saw the, yeah.
Oh, Charlie?
Because I love Johnny Depp,
but it was the worst movie.
Right.
And then closing it out,
never done before,
Patton Oswalt doing a double feature.
Oh, Patton's really throwing his weight around.
Yeah.
Let me guess.
He's going to show Patton and
Oswalt.
That's pretty good.
If there was a movie called Oswalt, that'd be great.
A TV movie? I don't know.
I think there might have been.
By the way, best picture, 1970.
Oh, the movie Patton.
Yeah, the movie Patton. Yeah, the movie Patton.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just throwing it out.
Just giving some knowledge.
Just passing some knowledge out.
I'm going to say...
Wait, what are the two movies?
You don't remember?
No, I do.
Tell me it's Rasseter and Young Adult.
Because I know.
Both have been remade.
You tell them.
Both starring Walter Matthau.
Yep.
But both the originals that were remade.
Yep. The Bad News Bears and
The Taking. The Taking of Pelham
1, 2, 3. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's going to be a fun night. So if you play your cards right, you can go
to CineFamily and in one day you can see
Wayne Fetterman all day long
and Willy Wong and the Chocolate Factory
plus Bad News Bears
and Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
That's an interesting triple bill.
By the way, can we go back to the 1998 What Won Best Picture?
Yeah, we can go back to it.
There's no points in play or anything.
Okay, all right.
Because for some reason in my head, I feel like it's Shakespeare in Love.
Beat Saving Private Ryan that year?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's one of the biggest
mistakes. And then in 1999
I think it was American Beauty.
Yeah. Am I wrong
about that? You're right. I'm right.
Why am I getting hissed? What did American
Beauty beat? Because a lot of people think American Beauty is
one of those ones that didn't deserve it when you
look back. I mean, it's no Crash.
That one was brutal.
Because of the numbers.
How did you get a microphone?
Alright, that's enough about that.
You could have just stopped it. A lot of people get confused
by years.
Oh, what'd you bring for the bag, Wayne?
It's nothing good. Just let them be surprised. Well, it's another bag, so that's helpful. It's a bunch of stuff. Oh, what'd you bring for the bag, Wayne? It's nothing good.
Nothing good.
Just let them be surprised.
Well, it's another bag, so that's helpful.
It's a Bristol Farms bag.
I know.
I kind of want that bag back.
Can you put it in your...
Can you combine those?
I'll consolidate.
I can save 10 cents every time I go.
Yeah, I know.
There's like...
If I see something good, I'll mention it.
Yeah, okay.
Believe me, there's nothing good. There's something good, I'll mention it. Yeah, okay. Believe me, there's nothing good.
There's nothing good in there.
There it is.
Uh-huh, nothing.
What?
Sheet music to...
Sheet music for Layla?
Yeah.
Sheet music to Layla.
I love that song.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You got me on my knees.
What else is in here, Wayne?
You're going to say it anyway, right?
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
Why is this so heavy?
Satin hands from Mary Kay Cosmetics?
Yeah.
Guys, you don't want to know about my life.
You don't want to know about my personal life.
Oh, that's a good thing.
The original screenplay of A Most Violent Year?
Ooh.
I'm telling you, there's nothing here.
A gigaband? What does this determine? like how many miles you walked or something no i think that's for your animal what do you mean for your gigapet in the picture oh it is i'm sorry i thought
it goes around the neck of an animal there's a dog too pass it a mongoose? That's so small. There's a dog too. Pass it down. Maybe see if Blanche would want to wear that.
What is it?
USB interface.
That's all it says.
Like as if it was written by someone who doesn't speak English.
It just says USB interface, no battery required.
Gigaband.
Password security feature.
It does.
A portion of the purchase will go to animals in need of a gigaband, I guess.
Okay.
So it's for animals that are in need.
I don't need a U.S.
I guess there's a lot of at-risk animals.
I can read the vision on the, it says our vision,
and it has the saddest looking cat.
I know that no one can see this.
I think it goes around a cat's neck.
Our mission is to provide forever homes,
which sounds like a coffin,
a forever home for animals
and eliminate unnecessary euthanasia to support, it doesn't say.
It's about animals.
This just says the Onyx and Breezy Foundation,
and then it has this band stretched around
a really thick neck of a Labrador.
Thank you.
I don't know what it does.
I thought it was like a Livestrong band
for your Labradoodle.
I don't know what this is.
But anyway, you get that if you win.
You get that if you win.
And then the bottom, it just has a quote that says
Remember the joy they bring
Like it just
This is the weirdest
Told you not good gifts
Don't put that on an animal
No you get mad at your pets
And you gotta take a second to remember the joy
And alright so that's also going in the bag
And here passes to Wayne
He gets his bag back
Thank you thank you
Bristol Farm.
Fancy shopper.
Doug, there wasn't anything else that was good in that bag?
Not really, no.
Not really.
Where'd you get the Mary Kay thing?
Nothing worth bringing up.
It'll be a fun surprise for the winner.
It's a huge bag.
You don't have to get a trunk show later?
Bunch of stuff.
And then this big bottle.
You can just get wasted on this
and then just start digging into it.
Put my gifts with the other gifts.
And then you get...
Life-changing stuff.
Put my gifts with the other gifts.
Oh, yeah, your pictures of Blanche.
And you get $75 to realize it.
Yep.
$75.
Just see out back.
Cool Op, if you had to choose a movie to introduce
because it inspired you in your comedy.
And you thought would play and watch it with people,
introduce it.
Coming to America.
Oh, that's a good one.
I'm surprised that has not been picked.
That'd be fun to watch with an audience.
Great movie.
Yeah, yeah, that'd be neat.
Where is Akeem?
What are you?
It's like the first movie my parents took me to
like that we went
as a family
we went twice
so there's just like
memories of that
yeah
had such a good time together
we no longer speak
it was a better time now
yeah
Eddie just started
making bad movies
and couldn't hold it together
for you guys anymore
what about you Eliza do you have a movie that inspires you Yeah, well, because Eddie just started making bad movies and couldn't hold it together for you guys anymore.
What about you, Eliza? Do you have a movie that inspires you?
I was always a fan of Mr. Saturday Night,
and that, too, was a family.
My parents were divorced, but my dad and I,
that was like our movie,
and it was sort of foreboding
because I didn't know that I was going to be a stand-up comic.
And then I watch it now, and I'm like, I get why he's
so upset and sad.
I get why this guy is a bummer.
What about when he tanks that audition?
What do you think of that scene?
He doesn't tank it. He was offered, and this was so
indicative of Hollywood, he was offered another part
and then when he gets there, they're like, we're not going to have you
read The Grandfather. We love you. We're going to
give it to Walter Matthau. He called because he was alive at the're like, we're not going to have you read The Grandfather. We love you. We're going to give it to Walter Matthau, he called,
because he was alive at the time,
and we're going to have you read it for someone else.
And then he flips out.
He's like, this is my part.
And then he gets angry.
And I think everyone that's ever auditioned,
when you read or something, then you go out of the room,
they're like, can you actually read for the handicapped sister?
And you're like, fine, I'll just take a beat.
And you want to come back in and be like, I'm not even black.
I can't.
I'm never going to book it.
And I met Billy Crystal a couple weeks ago,
and I lost my shit crying.
Oh, I was there.
Oh, you were?
Yeah, in New York.
And you did nothing to quell my tears.
I could not stop.
No, I was really touched.
I was really touched.
It was really hard.
I looked so ugly.
It's great.
No, it was beautiful.
It was great.
It was beautiful.
That's the movie I'd pick.
Do you know that movie?
What?
Mr. Saturday Night?
Doug, are you here?
What's happening?
Suddenly you locked up
I don't think there's a
Billy Crystal performance
I haven't seen
Yeah
If I dare say
Rabbit test
So myself
Of course
Joan Rivers
Directorial debut
All of the comedians
And only
What's that?
All of the comedians
Every episode
Well if you're gonna
Play that game
I ditched
out early on analyze that all right one quick question before we move on to the
game portion of the show starting with cuckoo what was the last motion picture
that you saw without you know walking out or turning it off?
I think it was Deadpool.
Yeah, it was Deadpool.
Yeah.
Best movie of the year.
Really?
Well, it's early.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, all right.
I saw today, I saw 10 Cloverfield Lane
I enjoyed it
Where did you see it?
At the Arc Lane?
Cinerama Deal
That's where I saw it
Yeah
It was neat
I hate that screen
That screen is so annoying
You don't like the bendiness of it?
It's the worst
It's the worst
I enjoyed that movie
Did you see that?
It's classic style
I did not see it
Yeah
It's
The less you know about it, the better, I say.
I think the trailer shows too much, as always.
But still, pretty engaging movie.
Thrills from start to finish.
Doesn't end dumb.
Who is she?
Who's that Winstead girl?
How do I know her?
She is Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim.
Such a good movie.
And she's just been in a ton of things over the years, like Death Proof.
She's excellent.
The whole movie is through her eyes.
Her eyes are not
a bad thing to stare into for a couple hours.
She's great.
Very likable.
You don't know much.
The characters, you don't know much about them
on their situation, and yet she's still likable.
She does a whole backstory monologue in the middle of eventually yeah you like her you like
her from the beginning you're not like who's this tied up uh she probably deserves it
those eyes yeah yeah but anyway the less we talk about it the better yeah and uh what about you
eliza have you seen anything lately?
I think the last movie I saw was, I want to say, The Danish Girl.
The version with Tracy Morgan?
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That one.
It was either The Danish Girl or Room.
I'm a girl, and I like Danish.
That was the highlight of the Oscars.
Best part.
Did nobody see the movie?
I liked it.
Oh, no, you know what?
I changed my mind.
It was Spotlight.
Oh, okay.
Okay, cool.
Have you seen Pee Wee yet?
I have not seen Pee Wee yet.
The Pee Wee's Big Holiday.
And you love it?
It's so fun.
That's great.
Yeah, people in the back are clapping.
My friend Gabe, I think.
But yeah, I was at South by Southwest,
and they were having screenings of it that I couldn't go to,
but I wanted to see it with an audience
instead of just watching it on Netflix.
But you think it's still pretty fun
to just sit there by yourself and watch it?
Yes.
All right, cool. For sure. You can borrow Scott. That fun to just sit there by yourself and watch it? Yes. All right, cool.
You can borrow Scott.
That's what I did.
What?
I watched it with Scott.
Oh, he'll just keep watching it?
Yeah.
All right.
Can we put that in the prize bag?
Watch Big Tom Peewee,
or no,
Peewee's Big Holiday,
excuse me,
with Scott Aukerman.
That'd be a good prize.
Maybe I'll get him on the show
and we'll do that.
Yeah, I don't think I can give that away.
But you think he'd watch it repeatedly?
Yes.
He enjoys it that much.
There's hardly a bigger Pee Wee fan in the world.
Yeah, I mean, he's super into it.
And kind of like a lot of us, he was so into it that eventually got to work with him.
And that kind of shit is awesome when that happens.
The coolest.
Yeah, I love it.
Alright, I already told you what I just saw, 10 Cloverfield Lane.
And we've already said too much about it.
John Goodman
Oscar nomination
for that, you think?
It's pretty good. I don't know.
It's too early in the year. I think he was robbed
for King Ralph, still.
Don't get me started about
the Monuments Men.
Or the Flintstones.
He was pretty
great. Fred Flintstone.
Fit right into the costume.
Was it Nathan Lane, the other one?
Was Nathan Lane? No, Rick Moranis was Barney Rubble.
Was Nathan Lane in the first one?
But then they did a second one without those guys,
and it was, instead it was...
Nathan Lane was in it.
I'm pretty sure I'm right.
No, it was Lou Diamond Phillips, and...
A really intense, realistic version of the film.
And Sam Elliott.
It was really, they went wildly different ways with version of the film. And Sam Elliott. It was really...
They went wildly different ways with both of the characters.
It's an underrated gem.
Now it's the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin.
Is that from The Hunger Games? What's begin. Is that from the Hunger Games?
What's that?
Is that from the Hunger Games?
No, that's...
I don't know.
I've never seen those movies.
In that one, they say,
may the odds be in your favor.
Ever in your favor?
Ever in your favor.
I only know that from the commercials.
Dumb outfit time.
I mean, I get it.
It's dystopian, but the rich people
dress in crazy colors
and make their hair crazy.
But, you know, over five movies
is too much.
Too many hairstyles on Tucci.
Stanley.
That's true.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the part where we play games.
And people brought name tags,
and each of you has to select the person
that you'd like to play for.
Homemade donuts!
Just go homemade donuts, the guy yelled out.
Okay, this week.
So people try to bribe you with things like homemade donuts,
but just pick from your heart.
Just use your heart to decide which one you like the best.
And while you guys do that...
I already got mine. Oh, what?
Pick one. Go grab it from them, yeah.
Oh, the kiwi. And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
Hey, y'all. Today's episode
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Back to the show.
We're back. Who are you playing for?
Start with Kulop,
because she's about to get
stranguled by a snake.
Let's see here.
It's a motherfucking snake
on a motherfucking plane.
It's a snake.
What's it say?
It's a, you can't,
when you can't breathe,
you can't scream.
Anaconda.
Amandaconda.
Amandaconda.
I can't read.
It's pretty cool.
It's a blow-up snake.
That's why I picked it.
You don't have to do a game show announcer stuff.
Too late.
You sound like Pauly Shore as a game show host.
Quit wheezing the juice.
Wayne, what do you got?
I always go high concept, like something like that.
You love a blow-up snake or...
Anything, yeah, yeah.
But this is crazy low.
High concept.
This is just called a Doug's life.
And I'm a little bug on there, yeah.
You're a little bug.
I really love that.
Right?
Because Doug's a little bug.
It's not always about the...
I'm sorry if I didn't pick your sign.
But is that a guy who made the sign named Doug?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's his picture.
And his picture's on there, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we're just hanging out being Dougs.
Is that right?
Did I get this? Hanging out with
Heimlich? Is that his name?
The fucking big bug? I think his
name's Heimlich. He talks like this.
I am a German bug.
Do not step
on me. Right?
Did you ever see it? I don't know. This isn't the one
with Woody Allen, is it?
No, that's Ants.
I'm not a big animator.
This is Bugs Life.
Get your shit together.
What kind of grown man doesn't know the difference?
What would they call?
Between Dave Foley as Flick and Woody Allen as some ant.
Just the one with Seinfeld, right?
No, that's B-movie, you fool.
You ignorant fool. B-movie, you fool. You ignorant fool.
B-movie.
There's so many of them.
It's so funny to get hammered about this.
Wait till we get into the games.
I'm going easy so far.
I love it.
All right, so who are you playing for, Eliza?
I have...
Lots of candy. I have lots of candy. It's Jack Nicholson. Do you want Eliza? I have... Lots of candy.
I have lots of candy.
It's Jack Nicholson.
Yeah, it's oddly heavy.
Jack Nicholson about Klein Schmidt.
Is your name Klein?
Last name Klein.
Klein, okay.
That's an unfortunate first name.
I didn't want to say anything.
Okay.
So, uh...
That's it, yeah.
Not much else to say.
Well, she put all this candy around it. She put so much effort. Can I say one thing about yours, Kulap? Yeah, yeah. Not much else to say. She put all this candy around it.
She put so much effort.
Can I say one thing about yours, Kulap?
Yeah, yeah.
I went to film school,
which is going to be a horrible thing to reveal to you now,
considering how poorly I'm going to do.
But I wrote a term paper on anaconda,
and I got a D.
I did a compare and contrast,
and I forgot the contrast part.
It's film school who gives a shit.
Anyway, she got candy on it
so I picked it.
Yeah, I mean, they don't teach
movie trivia in film school, so there's nothing
to be embarrassed about. That's right.
If I asked you technical questions
about movie making, you'd be all over it.
All over that mise-en-scene. But that's not going to happen.
We're going a totally different way
with this. But you guys can put your name
tags down if you like. You don't have to hold on.
Kulop likes to make hers look like it's really ready to lash out at somebody.
It's just winding up, ready to go.
So don't bite anybody.
Is that what snakes do?
Bite?
This first game we're going to play today is called Doug Loves Musicals.
Yes.
Somebody was happy about that.
Some people get happy about it.
Whoa, that's... Yeah, many don't care one way or the other.
Yeah.
Some are against it.
But I do love musicals.
And the idea of this game is I'm just going to list off the songs from the soundtrack of a motion picture musical.
Love it.
From the history of cinema.
And just yell out movie titles that you think might be correct until somebody nails it.
Which oftentimes happens at the last song because it's generally a song.
The popular one.
That's, well, that's also the name of the movie.
Oh, okay, okay.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm not going to say Grease early on
when the movie's Grease.
Can I just start yelling now?
Or even Grease Lightning
because those are both big giveaways.
What's that, Wayne?
Nothing.
I was just going to say,
can I just start yelling now?
Can you pre-guess?
Just start pre-guessing. Go ahead start yelling now can you pre-guess just start pre-guessing
just go ahead
give me your best pre-guess
a musical
that I'm about to name
all the songs from
Chicago
oh shit
how did you do that
how did you come up
with a movie
that has music in it
alright
next game
any other pre-guesses
next game
who else wants a pre-guess
Hunt for Red October
the musical.
I would love that.
They're all musicals, okay.
It's Fiddler on the Roof meets Das Boot.
Kulap?
Mamma Mia!
That's a terrific guess, because I have pulled that one.
I think I probably had like three male guests who just sat there dumbfounded.
They can't be like Scott or Jonah Ray, you know, because they like ABBA.
They recognize the ABBA songs.
All right.
What movie musical has all these songs in it?
Okay.
Go slow, go slow.
Oh, it doesn't matter what speed I go.
It's a Doug's life.
You're going to be in trouble either way.
Yeah, there's no songs in Doug's life that I recall.
Or maybe there's one or two.
It's Meant to Be is the name of a song in this movie.
It's Meant to Be.
Or another great classic song from this movie, Anytime.
Or how about this one? This one might help you. Wish Upon a Star. Oh, Pin this movie. Anytime. Or how about this one?
This one might help you.
Wish Upon a Star.
Oh, Pinocchio.
No.
That's when you wish upon a star, idiot.
It's not Fantasia, is it?
I thought that was funny.
Too harsh?
Fantasia?
Fantasia, no.
Forever Part of Me.
That kind of sounds like the song from Toy Story,
but that's not it.
Part of My World is from them.
Yeah, okay.
Frozen?
Nope.
The kids like it.
I Won't Stand in Line is a song from this movie.
Oh, Les Mis, because they're all poor and you got a bread line.
I don't got a bread line.
I won't stand in line for a loaf of bread.
All right.
With John Valjean.
That's why I shuffled, John.
I think John Valjean. That's the I shuffled John. Wait with me.
Here in line.
Okay, let's not confuse this
because the next song is called
Madness.
Madness.
And then another song.
The naming of these songs is very poor
because there's also a song called Timeless.
Madness and Timeless.
Vacation
is another song in this
movie. There's a song
called Sugar.
Wait, wait.
Sugar.
No, but that's
not a terrible guess.
I would have saved that for last.
I thought that might have been the last.
But that movie's more about dancing.
It's not Willy Wonka's The Chocolate Factory, is it?
I don't know.
Sugar?
The movie Sugar.
Sugar.
No, it's not Willy Wonka.
Wayne, finish the...
There's three words in parentheses in this song,
and you can finish it.
Okay.
That's the way... in this song. Yeah. And you can finish it. Okay. That's the way.
I like it.
Yeah.
That's an amazing reading of that, too.
You should bust out your ukulele and do a cover where you just get going, I like it.
I like it.
That's the way.
Uh-huh.
The interrogative version.
But yeah, so a cover of that classic song from Casey and the Sunshine Band is in the movie.
Also, Vacation is a cover of the Go-Go's tune.
Is it animated?
No, it's not animated.
I shouldn't have told you that.
How did you trick me?
The next song also has parentheses.
It's called The Bounce.
And then in parentheses, it says The Love.
And Love is spelled L-U-V. Is it Roll Bounce? Was Roll Bounce, and then in parentheses, it says The Love, and love is spelled L-U-V.
Is it Roll Bounce?
Was Roll Bounce a musical?
It's not Roll Bounce.
Okay, no one else was guessing.
The next song, there's a lot more to go.
A lot of songs in this movie.
I don't know how they did it.
Was Kelly Clarkson and Justin Garini in it?
Maybe, I don't know.
From Kelly to Justin!
Justin to Kelly!
What?
What's happening?
There's a song called Brandon's Rap.
Another song called Brighter Star.
High School the Musical?
And then there's a song called From Me to You.
And it's the movie's from 2003.
Bring it on.
And it, of course, stars Justin Guarini.
Drumline.
And Kelly Clarkson yeah that's
the
from Justin and Kelly
that's it
that's it
from
from Justin to Kelly
she said it before
I did say it before
but I only said it
can we share the point
nah it's you on
no
I couldn't remember
trying to share your points
that's what broke up
Justin and Kelly
yeah yeah that a lot of film school students studied that movie so that's I couldn't remember. Trying to share your points. That's what broke up Justin and Kelly. Yeah.
Yeah.
A lot of film school students studied that movie.
So that's...
Yeah, I wrote my senior thesis on Fallen Idols.
Yeah, but that was the tricky part,
is remembering that it's called From Justin to Kelly.
Oh, no, that was not the tricky part for me.
Knew it.
It's relative.
That's a good one.
Yeah, that was well done.
Did they fuck in that movie?
Nah, they probably just scissored or something simple.
I think so.
They're very innocent in it.
They think bouncing up and down is like making love.
So that's why there's a song called The Bounce, The Love.
I like it.
I like it like 10 minutes
into the movie
Kelly Clarkson's like
vacation
gotta get away now
or whatever the other goes
gotta get away
had to get away
do you have another one of those
that's so fun
do again
do another one we gotta do more do so fun. Do again. Oh, there's... Do another one.
We gotta do more.
Do again.
Well, none of the other ones are covers, really.
They're all just original, great songs.
We'll just do it.
We'll just do it.
It's Meant to Be.
How would that go?
It's meant to be for you and me.
She really took that one on.
That's bravery.
Total champ, yeah.
I locked eyes and just went for it.
So you get to go first in this next game, Eliza.
It's called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
Okay.
This is a game where you get quizzed individually.
Well, I'll come to you when it's your turn.
We'll start with Eliza.
And I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture.
Okay.
It's usually the clever phrase written on the poster.
And you just tell me what movie it's from.
And, you know, no big penalty if you don't get it right.
If I get it wrong.
Then Wayne has a chance.
So I get one shot.
Yeah.
You're like Eminem.
It's like an Eminem.
Oh.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
8 Mile.
I'm sorry, I'm in a weird mood.
Glad there's no vomit.
Oh, that'd be a fun one to do all the songs from 8 Mile.
You know, get the widest panel I can find.
Just a bunch of wiggers up here.
Can't be too hard, right?
Okay.
This show is called Diversity Loves Movies.
All right.
Does Jess realize that what movie had the catchphrase
or the slogan, tagline,
are you man enough to say it?
to say it are you man enough to say it I assume if they had more room on the poster continue and not spray it you made enough to say it so it's like
something that like it would you like tap out? Like guys, you're man enough to say it.
If you're man enough to, is it, but is it being funny?
Is it like a Will Ferrell thing?
Like it's something totally dorky.
Oh fuck, I got nothing.
Are you man enough to say it?
Come on film school.
Are you man,
use all that knowledge. Are you man enough to say it?
This is worse than forgetting your jokes on stage.
Because I have nothing.
Like, there's no punchline.
That's okay.
Are you man...
I'll just make a guess.
You don't have to make a guess.
Okay.
But you can if you want.
Sorry, Klein.
Like, American Beauty would probably be accurate.
Are you man enough to say it?
Hold on.
Do I have...
Is there a time limit?
Yeah.
All right.
Say something now-ish.
And it's no big deal if you don't get it.
Okay.
It's just for fun.
Reno 911.
Reno 911 Miami.
I don't know.
All right. No. Wayne? I don't know. All right, no.
Wayne?
I don't know either, but I'm going to just guess
the name of a movie.
Sure, that's how it works.
You could win if you guess right.
I love you.
Oh, fuck, I knew it!
All right, Wayne's out.
Oh, my God!
So, Cool Up.
You still have a chance. You still have aop. You still have a chance.
You still have a chance.
I still have a chance?
What's no Kulop gets to say?
All right.
What it's called.
Is it Mel Gibson's What Women Want?
No.
That's so hilarious because it's a movie you're in called I Love You, Man.
I still have a chance.
Man.
Oh, it's the bromance. Man. Oh, it's the bromance.
God damn it.
That hurts.
That was phenomenal.
That just went exactly how I would want it to.
If I could plan it.
So I got all of it except for the man part.
Yeah, that was a great guess.
Okay.
You could have thrown
a PS at the front
if you wanted.
So we each only get one.
It doesn't come back
because I knew it was
I Love You Man.
It won't come back to you
but it will move on.
But it will haunt me forever.
No, but that was hilarious.
Was there a movie called
I Love You Alice B. Toklas?
Toklas, yeah.
Is that a movie?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, keep going.
That's what he came up for. I don't know why that's in my head.
Happy to verify.
All right, here's the next one.
We'll start with you again, Eliza.
I do all the, yeah.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
Yeah.
What movie had the tagline,
they grow up so fast?
They grow up so fast.
Because he's going to talk it out.
It'd be something where something grows up quickly.
I know.
It's like How to Train Your Dragon or something.
Great guess.
Wayne?
How to Train Your Dragon 2.
Full title.
The Heretic?
How to Train Your Dragon 2.
The Heretic.
The purging of the heretic.
That's probably it.
I don't know if that's right.
I think Doug wrote it down wrong.
I do write stuff down wrong sometimes,
but Kulop, do you have a guess?
Do I have a guess?
Do I possess a guess?
Think about movies you're in.
Got any guesses on you?
Welcome to me.
Is it... Is it...
Is it...
Curly Sue?
I don't have anything.
Curly Sue's a great guess.
Curly Sue.
But no, it's a movie that Wayne Fetterman is in
called Step Brothers.
Yeah.
Thank you.
That really...
Wayne is great as the blind neighbor.
It's a great movie.
Thank you.
Thank you for bringing that up.
No, I like being in that movie.
Back to you, Eliza.
Eliza, think of a movie you're in because...
Well, that narrows it down to one,
so hopefully that's the theme here.
This is an interesting tagline.
Alice is going to be on TV whether you like it or not.
Yeah, what is right?
Alice B. Toklas is going to be on TV
whether you like it or not.
Eliza? Is it... is going to be on TV whether you like it or not.
Eliza? Is it, um...
No.
Wayne?
That's how little faith I have in your guess.
That is a good guess, but no.
Okay, cool.
Her name was Joy.
I know, but like,
I didn't know if that was her screen name.
Alice is gonna lose it when
she finds out about joy i got it i got it it's uh the brady bunch movie no but a terrific guess
because it's got a character named alice in it terrible guess but kulab knows what it is
welcome to me featuring coolant i suck okay
I suck.
Okay.
Putting it together.
Figuring it out.
Alright, you guys still have a chance to catch up.
We'll start with Eliza.
Because she loves it.
I love it.
She loves going first.
I love it.
I'm ready.
To begin.
Imagine
having to win over
the girl of your dreams
every frigging
day.
Oh, oh, 51st Dates!
That's correct.
51st Dates starring Wayne Fetterman.
Yeah, I know, but
A blind Wayne Fetterman.
Blind neighbor.
But first of all,
that is literally
the description
of the movie.
Yeah.
They went a little
on the nose
with that one.
I got it.
Imagine.
I mean,
at least they didn't
name names.
The other one had
Alice right there in it,
you know,
so if you know that movie,
it's pretty...
Damn it.
Well,
I'll start with you
this time wayne
okay uh both of the ladies are on the board this is your chance to tie it up also it doesn't matter
can i uh pre-guess a movie i'm gonna admit no i'm kidding go ahead yeah go ahead and recognize it
if it's a movie you're in and then answer okay okay
Is it if it's a movie you're in and then answer?
Okay, okay.
Just do it, just do it.
You don't have to guess.
Just do it, just do it.
From the Academy Award winning writer of Juno.
I know this answer.
Okay, okay, okay.
That's pretty simple.
No one's going to know it but me.
So that's Diablo Cody.
Diablo Cody.
Didn't she just write something this year?
Yeah, I think I got it.
Okay.
I think I got it.
Give it to us.
Is it The Hateful Eight?
Finally, Tarantino lets someone else do the writing.
It's got a feminist slant to it.
It really does, the way they hit her in the face constantly.
Really watch her hang.
I really liked it it The Hateful Eight
Just ate women at brunch
Just talking shit
Yeah
About someone named Stacy
It's okay
It's a good movie
So we move to Cool Op
Do you know what the movie is?
From the Academy Award winning
Writer of Junio
I don't know it
Do you know it?
Yeah
Oh shoot Shoot Can I block her? You don't know it. You know it? Yeah, I do. Oh, shoot.
Shoot.
Can I block her?
I probably can't.
Just keep singing.
You know, she wrote the Charlize Theron thing.
Yeah, that's the one.
That's the patent thing.
It's not that.
Yeah.
She wrote the vampire thing with Megan Fox.
You didn't give me any clues.
It's not that.
I don't know.
Alright, do you officially give up?
I give up. Eliza?
It's the only movie I've ever been in and it's called Paradise.
That's correct.
Well done.
Paradise.
Paradise.
It was called Lamb of God and they changed yeah with uh julianne huff russell brand and we had a scene together that they cut that i found out at the premiere so that was a fun red
carpet uh that's you've been cut talk to ew yeah it was great um great. But you are in it though, right? I am in it.
Yeah.
I have a red wig.
Yeah.
It wasn't like
people just don't know about it.
It wasn't well received
but I watched it.
I got through it.
You're the one.
Yeah.
That's as far as
I'm going to go
complimenting.
I do.
Yeah.
I mean I think
some talented people
were involved for sure.
Octavius Pentz.
Eight things to say at a premiere. And love i love anything that takes place in vegas
yeah yeah it plays in vegas yeah we actually shot at new orleans i'm just saying for reals i
have like nothing to add to the conversation so the casino is harrison in new orleans yeah nice
i know i know my venues. Gambling venues.
All right, we're going to play one more game.
And this is where the marbles...
Where the marbles live?
This is where the marbles fall where they may.
Not for all the marbles.
No, no. Marbles could go in any direction.
Yes, it's going to rain marbles.
I can't guarantee one person's going to get all the marbles.
But there will just be one winner at the end of this game,
because it's called Last Man Stanton.
Oh, boy.
It's taken the world by storm.
People play it over dinner with their loved ones.
It's a good family game, because you don't have to swear
unless you really want to.
This, of course, is a game where someone in the audience is going to tell me
an actor or actress
that they think would be a good subject for us
to play this game with.
I like to play along just to show off
or fail miserably.
But either way,
if I do win,
whoever comes in second is our official winner.
And you also get
one lifeline. And your lifeline is the person you're playing for win whoever comes in second is our official winner and you also get one
lifeline and your lifeline is the person you're playing for in the audience so
Amanda okay for cool up and Doug Doug for Wayne of course I believe I almost
forgot that and Klein Klein Klein yeah Klein. Klein. Klein Schmidt.
Klein Schmidt.
Even more inviting of a name.
It sounds like a genetic mutation.
Hello, my name is Douglas Klein Schmidt.
And is that all I need to say to explain it?
I think so.
People on Twitter always reach out to me because they want to suggest a name because it has to be
a name that I don't know about.
And there's someone in the crowd
today that goes by the Twitter name
Yellow Kitchener.
Is Yellow Kitchener here?
It's Amanda. And it is Amanda.
That is always so weird.
It's happened more than it
hasn't happened that somebody in the audience has a name tag that's on stage
and they get to pick the name for, yeah,
it's the most caring fans.
The karma just rolls your way.
And so you get to pick, and she's your lifeline.
So she's going to pick somebody that she's pretty knowledgeable on,
I assume.
Steve Martin. Steve Martini.
Okay.
Can I ask a question?
You always like to.
I may be
unresponsive. Does it have to be
feature films? Could it be a
short film?
Feature films, please.
I don't know this segment. I'm sorry.
Go ahead. Explain it. You get to go first even oh great uh because
because you won that last game and uh and then it'll come to me then cool up and wayne and you
just need to name any steve martin movie and the idea is when you run out you're out but but you
also get one lifeline uh at any point that you want to use it and you know we obviously can't
repeat titles and you can't make up titles.
But everyone in this room, I think,
is pretty on board with the work of Steve Martin,
so we will catch you
if you try to cheat.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Name any Steve Martin motion picture.
Obviously, I'm going to say the jerk.
Obviously.
That's the one I knew.
Why would anything else?
I know it sucks when the one that you've got ready to go gets taken.
Pennies from heaven.
But what can you do?
It's my turn.
Oh.
So I'm going to say Pennies from Heaven.
Kulab?
Shop Girl.
Yeah, Shop Girl.
Shop Girl? Shop Girl. Yeah, Shop Girl. Shop Girl?
Shop Girl.
Yeah, with Jason Schwartzman and Claire Danes.
Okay, okay.
I'm going to go Little Shop of Horrors.
Okay.
Also Shop.
Yeah, keep the shopping going.
I'm going to go Three Amigos.
Shop Till You Drop.
Oh, shit.
That's a good one. I'm going to go with Three Amigos. Shop till you drop. That's a good one.
I like that.
I'm going to go with
It's Complicated.
Oh, he was a love interest.
Oh yeah, he was the architect.
He's the one that made it so fucking complicated.
That and the design of her kitchen.
It's also very complex.
She wanted an open floor plan.
I'm already going to have to use my
lifeline. No way.
Because I can't think right now.
I know it's hard in these circumstances.
Usually when you're trying to think you're not holding a snake.
I hope.
Alright, but you can go to your lifeline
because then also some other things we say
might jar other titles
because we might accidentally say, for instance,
a movie that has sequels.
And then you can just jump right in on that.
Okay.
All right, Manna, sorry.
L.A. Story.
She's going with L.A. Story.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Father of the Bride. Yep, there you go. All right That's a good one. Father of the Bride.
There you go.
Now if it's called The Father of the Bride
do I? I think that's just called
Father of the Bride and even if you got that wrong
I would let it slide at this point in the game.
But do try to get your shit
together.
I know many Steve Martin
movies but I do think there's a Father of the Bride 2.
There sure is,
but
this is a troublesome
area you're in here,
Eliza,
because we need
the exact title.
Can I change it then?
So if you could
change it to something else.
Okay, Roxanne.
Yes.
Oh, shit!
God damn it!
I think it's
Father of the Bride 2
Bloodbath at the Church.
No.
Everybody dies. It's, it's Father the Bride 2 Bloodbath at the church. Everybody dies.
I don't even want to say what I think it's called,
but I know it's not just called Father the Bride 2.
You suck at harder.
So I'm going to go in a different direction.
Someone else can pick up that other one if they dare.
And I'm going to say The Pink Panther.
Oh, shit.
Oh, another one.
Fuck.
It's the one and they're awful and shit.
They're awful and shit.
They're like Michael Caine.
Oh, no.
Amanda, I'm so sorry.
I went to Bruce Springsteen last night
and I'm still not over it.
It's four hours of goodness.
I just woke up.
If we have time, we can play around with Bruce Springsteen.
Damn it.
Has he ever been in a movie?
He's in Wayne's World 2
and High Fidelity.
Even with this bought time, nothing.
Yeah, I bought you some sweet time.
I know, and he's been in so many.
Wow.
Night of the Roxbury.
It's weird how blanked out
you can get on this.
I'm blanking out. I don't got it.
Sorry, Amanda.
That's okay.
Go ahead and deflate the snake.
Oh, no.
She's biting its head off.
She's biting the head off.
Does Kulab get to keep the snake, or do you want it back?
Oh, sorry.
Oh, you get to keep it.
Well, now that all my DNA's on it, yeah.
It's yours to keep.
Wayne?
I'm going to go with...
God, I can't think of that Mammoth movie.
It is so annoying.
Oh, you mean the da-da-da-da-da?
Yeah, that one.
That one.
That Mammoth movie is so good.
He's so good in that movie.
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
No.
Extend your life a little bit?
I'm going to try. I'm going to get this wrong.
No, don't.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, because the lifeline...
All right, I'll try my...
I'm sorry, Doug. I'm sorry, Doug.
Go ahead.
Doug, what do you got?
Cheaper by the dozen.
Cheaper by the dozen?
All right.
You want that
you got it
that's not the mammoth one I was thinking of
alright
so
Eliza
you got another one
because I did not go to the Bruce Springsteen concert
instead I got some nice sleep
on a flight from Pittsburgh to LA that? Because I did not go to the Bruce Springsteen concert. Instead, I got some nice sleep on a flight from Pittsburgh to L.A.
That's what I did last night slash this morning.
I think the answer is Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
That's correct.
That's what I didn't have it.
How many different things did you have to get to get across country?
Were you in planes, trains, and automobiles?
Okay.
All right. All right, Dougie B.
Okay.
All right now.
Okay, I see what you did.
That's real good.
It was just a plane. Did he answer your question? Okay, I see what you did. That's real good. That's good.
It was just a plane.
Did he answer your question?
Yeah, it's not. You had the automobile.
The remake is drones, Amtrak's, and Ubers.
So that's what we're doing.
All the way to my house.
Wayne.
I'm going to do something.
I don't know if this is right, but it's something like
The Man Who Wore Plaid.
Is that a movie?
Is that close to a movie?
There's no movie with plaid in the title.
I'll give you some time to think about what you've done.
I'm not even thinking about the...
Oh, man.
There's so many obvious ones on the table.
Well, I know there's the one with Lily Tomlin where they switch bodies oh
yeah I know there's fucking stupid mammoth movie sorry that I swore have
you not used your life yet I have not she's. So that's what you're up against. She's still got a lifeline. I feel like I won.
I feel like I won that one.
So anything, Wayne?
No.
That was my guess.
That was the wrong guess.
Really?
I asked you.
I said you could take it back.
No, no, no.
All right.
No, he's good with the platinum one.
All right.
So Wayne's out.
So Eliza, what do you got?
Well, I have Lifeline.
Yeah.
By all means.
Don't you fuck me on this, Klein Schmidt.
I already said I won.
I don't know these people.
I'm new to this. What?
I think it's cheaper by the dozen, too,
but I don't know the fucking subtitle.
Is there a subtitle?
It might not be one.
Hold on.
Can I confer with my witness?
I think you just did.
Hold on.
No, wait, because she's stupid.
Wait.
What's the one with Queen Latifah?
You know it?
You're not going to go with the one she suggested?
Fine.
Well, we have to now.
Yeah.
Cheaper by the dozen, two.
Correct.
Sorry, Doug. Sorry. What's the Queen Latifah one? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We're still playing. Yeah Cheaper by the dozen too Correct Yay Sorry Doug Sorry
What's the Queen Latifah one?
Wait wait wait
We're still playing
Oh sorry
Cause I get to go next
Yeah but
But
What?
But
Okay
What happened?
Doesn't she no matter what win?
She'll be the winner sure
Alright
But I gotta take her down
Alright
It is your show
My bad my bad
Yeah I gotta say Bringing Down the It is your show. My bad, my bad. Yeah, I gotta say
Bringing Down the House.
That's it.
That's it.
What's the one with any...
Oh, I have one now!
Wait, wait, wait.
But I have one.
So does it go back and forth?
Yeah, it's your turn again.
Okay.
What about
My Blue Heaven?
Yeah.
Oh, shit!
This is exciting.
Battle is on.
Well, the Lily Tom one's called All of Me.
Fuck!
That's a good one.
Yeah, I gotta take the ones that are out there
for the taking.
Any more?
I have a Steve Martin box set sitting on my counter at home
and I never looked at it.
It was a gift.
What was his second movie after The Jerk?
Nobody but Eliza, please.
It wasn't Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which I already said.
I don't know, man.
Or the third one.
It wasn't like Born.
No.
It was in there.
Penny's from Heaven was in the mix,
but I'm just talking like his next comedies.
He made two more after The Jerk.
Barb Arella?
Where is that word coming from?
Okay.
I don't know.
And you'll say it and I'll be like, oh, I knew that.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I concede.
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.
That's it.
What did I say?
You said something about plaid.
Men Wearing Plaid or something like that.
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. Something wearing plaid or something like that.
Don't wear plaid.
Something about plaid starring Cameron Diaz.
And then I might not get the, yeah, that's the black and white one.
And I might not be getting the order right, but then early on was the man with two brains.
That's what I thought.
Okay, so it confused us.
And then he also had kind of a dramatic turn in Grand Canyon.
Uh-huh.
And the mammoth movie you're trying to think of
is The Spanish Prisoner.
Yeah.
Are you doing this in order?
Huh?
No.
Oh, okay,
because that's insane.
I'm just going through
real quickly
and naming ones we missed.
The audience is going
to tell us a lot more.
I was dead in the water.
Because there's tons more.
Yeah, what's the one
with him and Eddie Murphy?
Oh, Bowfinger.
Oh, Bowfinger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good call. I kept pulling Boomerang. I was like, wrong,inger. Oh, Bowfinger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good call.
Pulling Boomerang.
I was like, wrong, Eddie.
Boomerang finger.
But also, anybody could have said
Pink Panther 2 at any point.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
I would like to hamburger.
That's all I remember.
I'm sorry, Amanda.
Mixed Nuts.
What?
Yeah, Mixed Nuts with,
it was a Nora Ephron movie,
and Adam Sandler
and a bunch of
bunch of funny people
in there but
oh wait
what's the one
no good
wait wait wait
the one with
give me one second
okay
is it
is it with Zach
where he's like a bird
they watch birds
oh
Birdman
it wasn't Zach
no who was the comedian
in that
Jack Black
and Owen Wilson in yeah it was like what's it called Birdman. It wasn't Zach. Who was the comedian in that? Jack Black. Jack Black and Owen Wilson in...
Yeah, it was like...
What's it called?
Birdman.
No, it's not called Birdman.
It's not called Birdman, but...
That'd be funny to take that movie
and add the Birdman soundtrack to it
so they're watching birds
and there's constant jazz drumming going on.
But yeah, I can't even think of what that's called.
The Big Year.
The Big Year. Ooh. Thank you, what that's called. The Big Year.
Ooh.
Thank you.
That was a movie.
Jack Black.
The Big Year for Birds.
All right, what else did we miss?
Parenthood.
Parenthood.
Classic.
Baby Mama.
It's very funny in that.
The Lonely Guy.
The Muppet Movie.
Muppet Movie.
Yeah, Muppet Movie.
He opens up a bottle and says, would you like to smell the cap?
What was the rest of Father of the Bride Part 2?
What was the... It was Part 2. You got to say Part rest of Father of the Bride Part 2? It was Part 2.
You gotta say Part 2.
Father of the Bride Part 2.
Didn't I say that?
No, you said Father of the Bride 2.
I know.
I know.
It's vicious.
Part isn't inferred.
As if there's a second father that they're thinking of.
But you still won the whole game.
I won it.
First time on the show. Killed it won the whole game. I won it. First time on the show.
Thank you.
Killed it.
Cleaning up.
Killed it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Give me your name tag there, Wayne.
Does it have a shithead on the back?
Sure does.
Goody.
Nice.
There you go.
And yeah, Kleinschmidt, do you want to come collect your bag of prizes?
I kept the Layla Sheet music out because I don't want to get all mangled.
But there's the bag, and there's your big bottle.
You 21?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, cool.
Oh, yes.
Oh, very much.
I have to Venmo you the money.
I mean, Kleinschmidt,
was this your shithead?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, because I'm not going to say it,
because you won.
Congratulations.
I can sign that headshot if you want
of the dog.
It'll make it go up in value like a dollar.
If you want that.
Comes off the money she sends you.
Yeah.
Think about your fiscal choices
before we get silly.
What do you want?
Does anybody have any good ideas for hashtags
for this episode? I'd like to throw a hashtag
in when I'm tweeting about people who listen.
I'm going to say the heretic.
The heretic?
What was it? Part two of them?
Was it Father of the Bride? The heretic?
How to Train Your Dragon.
The heretic.
Part two. The heretic.
That's a lot. I'll make it work. Part two, the hair attack. The hair attack.
That's a long one.
Yeah, I'll make it work.
Alright, anybody got any other ideas? Good hashtags?
Anything we said tonight.
Yeah, yeah.
I like it.
I like it.
With a question mark.
Oh, you can't put a question mark in the chat.
I like it.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
I like it.
Separation Anxiety is the show on TBS,
co-hosted by Eliza Schlesinger.
What night and what time?
Tuesdays at 10.
There you go.
Across the board, 10. Tuesdays at 10. There you go. Across the board, 10.
Tuesdays at 10.
The math is not necessary.
And then what else you got coming up?
Some live dates?
When will your podcast come out?
In a little while.
Like today?
By tomorrow-ish.
Okay, I'm recording my comedy special at the Vic Theater in Chicago on April 23rd.
So if you live there,
come see that special. Or just fly there if you're stalkery.
Yeah, or be a stalker.
Yeah.
And you can catch me on Twitter
at ILIZA.
And that's where everything is for me.
Yeah, you snagged.
Did you start on Twitter the first day?
Nobody spells their name
in that annoying way.
So no one has an I.
But that's,
whenever somebody's got
a nice short one,
I'm jealous of my friend Peanut.
Yeah.
Just P-N-U-T.
Bam.
Oh, I got it.
Yeah.
Done.
One letter short of Eliza.
Right.
Yours is so long
compared to Peanut.
What's yours, Wayne?
It's just Fetterman?
Yeah, that's pretty sweet steel, too.
Yeah.
Kulop?
Surprise, surprise.
Just Kulop? At Kulop. I love that. You sweet steal too. Yeah. Coolop. Surprise, surprise.
Just Coolop?
At Coolop.
I love that.
You're all just one name.
You got in there.
You got it.
It's yours.
Yeah.
Snagged it.
I couldn't get it on Instagram though.
No, I am Coolop.
I didn't either. Would you bump to?
I just have Eliza S.
Bump to.
I am Coolop.
No.
What?
This is not something I give out.
No, on Instagram I'm called You Don't Know Doug. op. Yeah. What? This is not something I give out. No, on Instagram, I'm called you don't know Doug.
Oh.
Because Doug Benson was taken, of course.
Yeah.
And on Snapchat, I'm Doug loves chatting.
Are you an active Snapchatter?
No, I don't take snaps at all, but I look at them.
I don't understand how to use it yet.
I feel so old every time I use it, and I'm like, what am I doing?
It's just going to disappear.
And then they have all the fun things you can do.
I feel like I'm 70 years old talking about this.
It's not for me.
It's for the kids.
All right, but Wayne's got his festival at cinefamily.org is where you go to get tickets.
Which of the movies is on the verge of selling out or has any sold out yet?
I don't check.
I know that sounds crazy.
You don't want to be superstitious about it?
Yeah, not until the week before.
I don't even look at that stuff.
All right.
But they all seem like they'd be pretty popular.
And thank you again for doing it.
I actually schedule it around you.
Always a pleasure.
Willie Wine, looking forward to that.
Because I'm not a huge fan.
I love Gene Wilder
in that movie.
Uh-huh.
But the movie,
like,
it's a little uncomfortable
for me at times.
Okay, you're not invited.
You're going to have to sit
this one out.
Well, yeah, I mean,
it's kind of meant
to be a little uncomfortable.
There's parts that are
kind of nightmarish
and also just the notion of,
but, you know,
you and I,
we don't have kids
so we don't have to get
too upset about it,
but there is people
raising their kids poorly
and then their kids
get violently taken away.
There's a lot of lessons
in the movies,
chocolate lessons.
There's little people
constantly telling you
how to live your life.
Yeah, it's chocolate-ed
full of lessons.
Yum.
But also, just like
Gene Wilder, it's a one-of-a-kind
performance. No question.
Something kind of magical about that guy, right?
Yeah, and he shows up way too late in the movie.
That's why we're interrupting it, because somebody's
got to say something during Cheer Up, Charlie.
Stop singing, lady,
and get some real money
to get your grandparents
out of that bed.
So sad.
You're ready.
You're loaded.
I'm loaded up.
A lifetime of anger.
Just want to get
to the good part.
So that's the end
of the last day of May
and the first couple days
of April.
Yeah, yeah.
And mine's at 420, of course.
That'll be a nice time of day for that. In of April. Yeah, yeah. And mine's at 420, of course. That'll be a nice time
of day for that.
In the afternoon.
Yeah, yeah.
Cool Up.
Hey.
Hi.
Vigilion Dollar Properties.
Roku, of course,
the best place to look at it.
Sure.
Check it out at CISO.com.
My other producers
are Scott Ackerman,
Tom Lennon,
and Ben Garant.
And episodes...
Three losers.
Episodes one and two is out right now.
New episodes come out every Thursday.
We've got great guest stars.
Jason Manzoukas, Andy Richter, Casey Wilson.
So many greats.
Also starring Paul F. Tompkins with a lot of great up and coming improvisers.
So please check it out.
Amazing people in the cast.
And who's seen some already?
You guys been watching it?
Yeah, nice.
All right.
What do I got to plug?
I'll throw in one more.
Why not?
San Francisco Countdown to 420 show.
It's my annual Countdown to 420
where we treat it like New Year's
and stop the show at midnight
and go outside and smoke weed.
So that's April 19th at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco.
Thanks again to my guests, Eliza Schlesinger,
Wayne Fetterman, and Kulav Velysak.
And as always,
Doug, your Bugs Life poster's just there
on the floor if you want it back.
You gotta talk to her about the anaconda.
Feels like she wants
to keep that.
As always,
at real Donald
Trump,
hashtag make Donald Trump again,
is a shithead.
Yes, he is.
And everyone in the Costco parking lot is a shithead. Yes, he is. And everyone in the Costco parking lot is a shithead.