Doug Loves Movies - Jay Chandrasekhar, Morgan Murphy, Eddie Pepitone, Matt Braunger, and Rory Scovel Guest
Episode Date: June 2, 2014Live from New York City's Irving Plaza, Doug welcomes comics Jay Chandrasekhar, Morgan Murphy, Eddie Pepitone, Matt Braunger, and Rory Scovel to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.c...om/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Of Doug's movies All right, all right, you win.
You're the best crowd.
Hey, everybody, my name's Doug, and I love movies.
I feel like Scott Pilgrim in that scene,
where that kind of thing happens.
Gets yelled at by a lot of people.
Coming to you for the dozenth-th time
from New York City,
this time at a lovely venue
called Irving Plaza
on Monday.
Save it for the end.
June 2nd, 2014,
Wolf of Wall Street
fight Terminator 2, Judgment Day of the Dead Men, Walking Tall, The President's Men, and Blackfisher, King Ralph, Dog Day Afternoon, Delight, Sleep Perfect, Murder by Death Wish, 3, Ami, Ghost, World. three of me ghost world. I have to look at it
right after to check and see if I
forgot
like at the end maybe one more.
Can I see your name tags, New York?
Always, always a shit see your name tags, New York? Always,
always a shit ton
of name tags. Spuds McKenzie's
been retired, and
Paul has gone with a new, very
complicated poster that I could barely
begin to describe. There's
what's-her-name, Jessica Alba from
Sin City. What'd you change it to, Sin
Craig? Craigie?
That's really weird that it's such
a sexy poster and then it says Sin
Craigie on it.
Cheech and Chung, still
smoking. Chung's your last name?
First name?
I thought I was making a joke.
Well, thank you for coming, Chung.
What's your last name?
Chung Ng?
That seems legit.
Chef Ali, Judy instead of Rudy.
All right.
Oh, there's Life of Brian.
Your name is Life.
Perfect.
Lauren Order, that's a TV program.
And you put it on a small piece of Tupperware.
What's inside?
Is there a gluten-free treat in there?
Not gluten-free?
Then nobody wants it.
But Graham Elwood's not here,
so good luck, people who brought gluten-free shit.
What are you cheering for?
That's horrible.
There's a guy with...
Is that Jim Gaffigan?
That girl with the Jim Gaffigan
face on a stick?
That is haunting to me.
I don't know
if I care for that.
But thank you to everybody for bringing those
signs and name tags.
Our five
guests tonight
will get to decide.
We've already narrowed it down by one.
Throughout the monologue,
I'm going to drop names of people who are not here.
Jeff Garlin couldn't make it, you guys.
Mixed reaction, as I suspected.
In case you guys didn't know,
Douglas Movies returns to the Gramercy Theater
here in New York City
less than a month from now,
within this month,
on June 30th.
Yeah, Monday, June 30th.
And don't forget that the Super Tournament of Championships 2
is available for $2 in the comedy album section
of iTunes and at douglasmovies.com,
where you can also find all of my tour dates
to places like Bloomington, Indiana,
Kansas City, Missouri, Philadelphia, Cincinnati,
Oklahoma City, Austin, Texas.
I gotta get a better booking agent.
None of those are close to each other.
Let's do a quick watch this, not that.
Let me ask my friend Paul over there,
who switched up and doesn't have the Spuds McKenzie anymore.
What's a movie that you love?
The Professional.
Okay.
Super pervy choice.
Chung Ing, what have you got?
Slapshot, of course.
You're wearing a hockey jersey.
And your name sounds like noises you might hear out on the ice.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
You know, you've really got, you guys have outdone yourselves because I do like both of those films.
Gary Oldman with his crazy over-the-top performance
as the murdering murder man in The Professional.
A young Natalie Portman.
Everyone knew she'd be a star from that role.
And of course, our good friend, French actor.
I was trying to show off
how much I knew about this movie.
Directed by
Luc Besson. Jean Reno. Jean Reno.
Yes, Jean Reno.
Good movie. Good movie.
Danny Aiello.
And I hate the part where Mookie
throws the trash can through his pizza store.
Ha ha, pizza store.
Slapshot, Hanson Brothers,
most incredible brothers,
maybe the Baldwins,
but no, I like the hansen brothers but the
original hansen brothers i should say some of the younger listeners might think there's a hockey
film with the hansen brothers in it i'm gonna um bop myself to that tonight
very violent hockey film have Have you seen Goon?
Goon is great too, right?
I think I like every movie
that takes place on an ice rink.
I like all those girly movies
about skating.
Ice castles I love, yeah.
Fucking
Under Siege 2, now what's happening?
We're getting into dark territory.
Just because Paul
is always in the front row and I can ask him
again next time, watch
Slapshot, not The Professional.
This has been, watch this, not
that.
Almost a tied
edition.
Almost a tie.
The prize bag, of course, is just jam-full of so much shit
that I think I just want to sort through it with the guests out here,
except for one thing that's kind of a special thing that's in the bag.
Last night we did a movie
interruption out in Yonkers, and
a dude on
Twitter whose name is Gary underscore
O. Yeah.
Very early adopter of Twitter
to get that simple of a name, right?
Okay,
answer only when asked.
But Gary's right here in the second row,
so let's hear it for him,
because he brought Star Trek Into Darkness
and Dark Knight Rises.
Yes, for people who need to have the word dark
in the title of their films,
and then ultimately they turn out to be PG-13
and not that dark at all.
Twilight 5 is darker
than both of these movies
put together.
And also got a PG-13.
There's a Gateway Doug in here.
Gateway Doug 2 is coming out soon.
There's a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt.
There's a Getting Doug
with High Mug, of course.
I've been lugging those
around the country.
I just did another
Star Wars Minute, and that'll be on
sometime soon on their podcast
Star Wars Minute. So there's a sticker
from that in there. And let me get
my guests out here
because this is freaky what's happened.
Every time I play, do
these shows, usually over at the Gramercy,
I have my pick of a lot of
great New York comics
and actors and
sketch improvisers.
And for some reason
this show turned out to be five
of my friends from
Los Angeles.
But I figured you guys would be
excited that you don't ever get to see them
in action. So please give a big
warm welcome to Jay Chandrasekhar, Rory Scoville, Eddie Pepitone,
Morgan Murphy, and Matt Bronger.
Hi, Doug.
That part's always fun for me to see who will talk first,
and it's also a sign that we have an extremely docile panel,
that the first person to speak was Jay,
and all he said was, hi, Doug.
Doug, I have a bone to pick with you.
Oh, please bone it up.
About ten days ago in Los Angeles,
Doug had sent me an email.
He said, will you come down and do my show. And I've done
this show a couple times,
so I'm like, oh, it's probably that show.
Yeah, we're doing it at 420
on a Wednesday, just for the hell of it.
So I
would go down to this place, and I
go, and of course I'm just late.
Right? I get there just in time. He goes,
we're live. We gotta go right now. I'm like, okay.
And I'm the only guest. And I'm like, what is this in time he goes we're live we gotta go right now I'm like okay and I'm the only guest and I'm like what is this and he goes oh it's uh getting Doug with high
and I'm like okay okay uh what what is that exactly and you're like well we're just gonna
smoke pot and then chat and I said okay like on screen he goes yeah on screen I He goes, yeah, on screen. I said, okay, we're going right now. Okay. So we go and...
Pretty good sport, eh?
Right?
He went with it.
We smoked a lot of grass quickly, right?
And I'm like, you know, then we go to a commercial.
I'm like, so is this like everywhere?
And he goes, oh, don't worry about it.
Only 2,500 people are going to see it.
That's all that's watching. And I was like, yeah, okay, that's cool, right? We come back
from the commercial and we fucking go at it. And then we go to another commercial and he goes,
thanks for coming. Most people are too afraid of what it'll do to their careers.
And I'm like, like a new level of paranoia draped over my back.
But I'm like, oh, don't worry about it.
It's only 2,500 people are watching this fucking thing.
No big deal.
And I say that to him, and he goes,
oh, actually, some more people download it later.
So I checked this morning.
A lot more.
I checked this morning, and it was 78,000, Doug.
I told you I said it might go up to as much as 100,000 on average.
Well, that was comforting, wasn't it?
That's more comforting.
Like I said, I really appreciate that you went through with it.
And 78,000 people are, you know...
In the middle of the fucking show,
someone comes in with a fucking contract And says sign this
And you're like what is it
It says we didn't make you do this
Wait wait so Jay
Jay so he gave you the
It might fuck up your career
And the contract in the middle of you being
Blasted
Let's wait till he peaks
Then give him the contract and the worry
About the rest of his fucking life
But you did get there late And need to change your pants Let's wait till he peaks. Then give him the contract and the worry about the rest of his fucking life. Absolutely.
But you did get there late and need to change your pants.
So a little bit of it is on you.
We would have had more time to chat if you didn't have a pants situation.
I had shorts on, right?
And if it were a venue like this, people would be right up the shorts.
It's smart of you that you didn't know what kind of venue it would be.
I swear when I ask people in the email,
I don't just say, do you want to do my podcast?
I usually say something like my weed
podcast and maybe the name of it.
You're a email skimmer,
I think. I might be. Yeah, yeah.
That second person to speak was our
friend Matt Bronger, everybody.
Oh, hey, everybody.
Rory, be nice.
All right.
What did you bring for the bag, Mr. Bronger?
I'm taping a new comedy special tomorrow and Wednesday at the Bell House in Brooklyn.
So am I!
So is Eddie!
Me too! I am too!
We all are!
All of us are!
I am not doing one because I'm going to go see Rocky.
So mine's at 8 o'clock,
Eddie's at 10.
I'm at midnight and Rory's at 2 a.m.
More for me. Rory's at 5 o'clock. Eddie's at 10. I'm at midnight. And Rory's at 2 a.m. More for me.
2 a.m.
I got the 4 o'clock.
But I went away.
Jay's at 5 a.m.
$39.99.
You can see eight hours of comedy.
Yeah.
So you get to get two VIP tickets from Matt for this taping.
The taping is free, so we also are encouraging all of you to go tomorrow night or the next
night.
But the VIP tickets, you can skip the line, and we'll hang out and all that good stuff.
So yay. Cool. Mine cost $10. But the VIP tickets, you can skip the line And we'll hang out and all that good stuff So, yay
Mine cost $10
Son of a bitch
But that's, you'll see why
Eddie Pepitone is here, first time on the show
It's a first time for me
Do you feel connected?
Do you feel connected to him?
I bought a new shirt and everything.
I was like, oh, what would go with the podcast?
And I thought, oh, a Ranger jersey.
I'm very topical.
So I've never seen them play.
But I'm like, this should be great.
Eddie brought a poster for one of his many projects.
Tomorrow night at 8 o'clock at the Bell House.
There you go.
A poster for that show.
You have your own specific poster.
You really do have a show right after him.
Do you two as well?
No.
No.
We lied.
And you brought a DVD?
Can you tell us about this DVD?
Yeah, well, you know, the movie made...
Well, I don't know why that's funny.
The movie, the documentary that was made about me
called The Bitter Buddha, I didn't have a copy of that,
so there was a play.
I was eating at Mamoun's, the falafel place.
And, you know, across the street was a Buddha place.
I said, I'll get something Buddha related.
And this was a movie about Tibet and the CIA's role in fucking with Tibet.
And I was on board.
I was on board immediately because I fucking hate the CIA.
Whoa.
And I hope they're listening.
There's going to be a revolution.
It may not happen before the eco-catastrophe,
but there certainly will be one.
I want to be the guy in the CIA who listens to comedy podcasts.
I want to see a guy in a suit that's really sad.
One guy.
Fuck, I just got off work.
Fuck you, Eddie.
Eddie, when you laugh, do people
are they concerned that a bird of prey
has entered the building?
You know, I've gotten criticized for the
laughter on podcasts. I had a guy who was like
I can't fucking take that shit
and it made me a little self-conscious
for a while, but then I let out a great big laugh
at the end of that concern
And everybody ducked.
Everybody ducked.
No, I love to laugh, Doug. I feel like
it's a healing thing.
I'm sure there's going to be plenty of laughs in this film
that you brought for
the winner tonight, and I defy
or dare, whatever word you want to use, the winner
to watch it and then let
us know about it. I would love to hear, yeah.
Tweet to us about what a great experience it was.
I mean, I hear it has undertones of Overboard.
Oh, with Kurt Russell.
And Goldie Hawn, yeah.
Yeah, wonderful.
Wonderful film.
Don't ask me how, but that's what I hear.
Well, I think the CIA threw her Overboard.
Very good.
Very good.
I'll do it for a living.
We're both at the Bell House tomorrow Anyway you've heard about that
8 o'clock, 10 o'clock
8 o'clock and 10 o'clock
Switch off
Double header you guys
Go to both
In fact run out the doors right now
Go get in line
Don't forget your name tags
Morgan Murphy is here everybody
What a gal What a gal What a gal.
What a gal.
What a gal.
She brought a great prize from back in the green room back there.
What?
Who's this?
That's Rory.
Sorry, sorry.
She brought a great prize from back in the green room over there.
I've been traveling.
I don't have all my things on me.
She signed some kind, healthy
grains. No, she didn't.
Peanut butter whole grain clusters.
Lost me
at clusters.
You fought for ownership of that gift
versus taking Rory's gift?
Well, Rory wanted...
I'll tell the great story I have
about Rory's gift when he gives it
because... Rory Sco gift when he gives it because...
Rory Scoble is here, everybody.
Space Cowboys!
Space Cowboys!
Space Cowboys!
Drugstore Cowboy!
Is that how we play?
No, there's no game going on right now.
Sorry.
Urban Cowboy. Jay, no no game going on right now. All right, sorry. Urban Cowboy.
Jay, no game is going on right now.
Chocolate bar.
Heads up.
Okay, that was kind of a game, and you are correct.
Rory brought a chocolate bar from the green room.
That's right.
And there's somebody that we can maybe ask for some beverages.
Does anybody need... I would love a vodka and soda.
I'll have one too.
And not just because he got one.
I'm already drinking one, as you can see.
I'll also get one.
Is it because we got it?
I can't read.
I'll get one, whatever they get.
That's what I'll get.
I'll have a whiskey on the rocks and a ladies glass, please.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Can I have a virgin slow gin fizz?
Why?
Why?
And I'll do a virgin Long Island iced tea.
Eight and ten.
Right there.
Is that doable, a virgin slow gin fizz?
She's saying maybe.
Just make them a Shirley Temple.
Tastes the same.
I feel bad, by the way.
You know, Rory gave a milk chocolate bar.
He wanted to give a dark chocolate bar,
and I saw that he was going to give it away,
and I wouldn't let him, and I took it.
So if the person who gets the milk chocolate bar
would rather have a dark chocolate bar,
I'll give up my dark chocolate bar.
All right, so if the winner's a lady,
then, uh,
because ladies seem to like that dark chocolate.
I don't know why I looked at Jay
when I said that.
I agree, Doug.
It's orgasmic.
I agree.
Just trying to move on to the fact
that Jay brought a signed copy
of the script for Beer Fest.
Is there a...
No, don't get too excited.
Signed by Bronger.
I found it.
I was trying out my signature.
I didn't know what it was.
You wrote right over mine.
Jay, is there any
Broken Lizard news that you can reveal
maybe for the first time
here on this show? The first time? What's next for Broken Lizard news that you can reveal like maybe for the first time here on this show?
The first time. Well...
What's next for Broken Lizard?
Is it a secret?
No.
We're going to make Super Troopers 2.
Yay!
Yay!
What do we,
the Doug Loves Movies listeners,
have to do to help?
You know, just admire my mustache when I grow it.
That's all we have to do?
Yeah, it's going to be, you know,
the movie's going to be bigger in general,
but the mustaches will definitely be bigger.
Okay.
It's going to be happening.
All right.
Was that the same announcement that you made
the last time you were on my show?
It may well have been.
I was high as a fruit bed, Doug.
I don't remember.
I was hoping for some progress.
Because people want their broken lizard news.
No, same old news from the last one.
All right.
Rory Scovel is here.
Yep.
Jay said I could be in the next Super Troopers.
So that's a little bit of progress
what do you think he would play?
I left that out
what kind of role would Rory be good for?
I don't know, maybe like a drifter
friend, friend of a friend
no one really gets cast in that role
friend of a friend
we have the neighbor
they've got that covered, there's five guys they already have five guys he's the friend of a friend. We have the neighbor. They've got that covered. There's five guys already.
They already have five guys.
They've got that part covered.
No, but he's the friend of a friend.
He's the guy you kind of refer to.
Yeah.
I think that guy, your buddy, can't he lend us his motorcycle?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'll do that.
That's you.
You're the best.
You always have to add, you know, with a beard.
Yes.
Kind of looks like a drifter.
I was born for this role.
Eddie Pepitone was in a couple of movies that I enjoyed,
Old School.
Yes.
Yes.
And he's in, of course, a movie all about him called The Bitter Buddha.
I was all over that one.
Yeah, you're in that one a little bit more than Old School.
Yeah.
But then probably one of your smaller roles, I don't remember it, so I'd love you to tell us about it.
I know where you're going.
You think so?
You were the postman in the Muppets?
Yes.
Yes.
Who was?
The first reboot with James Bobbin as director who got to know me, and I got to know him, and we really like each other.
Why wasn't there a postman in Muppets Most Wanted?
Okay, let me, oh, in the second one?
Yeah.
I got to tell you, I really was disappointed
that I wasn't called back.
But here's what happened in the Muppets movie.
Sorry to bring that up.
Trying to joke around a little bit.
Is that the bird of prey laugh that's part of it is people might think there's a flock
of them the whole family just flew in here but uh i was in a dance sequence uh in the first i'm not
kidding and i don't like that reaction because I feel like you look at me
Is there any chance you could recreate that choreography
right now?
But this is a podcast
What song was it? Somebody's got to know that song
It's at the beginning of the movie, right?
Yes, it's the beginning of the movie
It's about a little town
It's a little town
Who knows the song?
Anybody?
I'll sing a variation of it.
Okay, here we go.
Rory's going to sing a variation of the...
But can I tell you the bit?
And then you'll understand,
is that I couldn't keep up with the other dancers.
I was like the schlubby...
Oh, that's the gag.
That is the gag.
All right, I still want to see it.
Okay, please get my slow gin fist for me. Don't let this gag ruin that. the gag. I still want to see it. Okay.
Please get my slow gin fist
for me. Don't let this gag ruin that.
You got it, Mr. Pepitone.
So here it is. Can you sing? Yeah.
Rory sings. Here's the
town, it's super
small. We all know
each other and the coffee
barista has more
of an attitude than you would predict.
What's up, Donut?
Place is kind of popular.
Oh, there they are.
They're way up ahead.
They're way up ahead.
Oh, I'm fucking exhausted.
I'm basically like that.
And can I say that?
No, it doesn't deserve that.
But can I say this?
It was choreographed.
Mickey Rooney was in that movie.
And it was choreographed by Mickey Rooney's son.
And he choreographed it.
Tim Rooney.
Andy.
Andy.
Whoops.
Andy Rooney.
Andy Rooney.
Yeah, there you go.
Come on, folks.
These are the jokes.
Mara Rooney.
I was trying for that.
But here's the thing.
James Bobbin, the director, called me in and said,
I'm sorry.
That's not what he sounds like.
I'm sorry.
Well, he did.
Principal Rooney.
I'm sorry.
He was like, the bit, the pacing wasn't right.
It just didn't fly.
So they kept me in the movie as the voice of yelling
out a couple of things. And so I get
a credit for it, but you don't see my
fucking face. Do you remember one of the
things you yelled out?
Yeah. They're gone!
I don't know if you remember that.
It was a big fucking moment
in the opening scene.
That was awesome.
That was after all the Muppets had left, I remember.
In Super Troopers, friend of a friend,
that's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm aiming for.
By the way, can I add a little tidbit about Pepitone?
It's not a funny story, but it's an insider info.
He's the only person who was on two episodes of Two Broke Girls.
One of them where you only
heard his voice yelling shit.
What did you yell? I was a hoarder behind newspapers.
Yeah. Which I really enjoyed because
I didn't have any wardrobe fittings.
I was just behind newspapers.
And I was yelling shit like,
Mom, leave me alone!
My mother was also a hoarder across the way
behind other shit.
I think that was your mother.
Did that get cut too?
No, no, no, no, no.
No, because you're the only, no one's ever done two.
No one's ever done, I've done the most two broke girls.
I should have that in my credits.
I mean, the people, the girls have done more than two.
Well, besides those two, yeah.
That's just fun, fun info.
That is good info.
Let's talk about movies for a second.
Oh. Just is good info. Let's talk about movies for a second. Oh.
Just for a minute.
Starting with Jay, have you been to any since,
I don't know if we talked about movies on Getting Doug with Hyde.
I don't know.
Who knows what we talked about.
I don't know.
But you were charming.
Oh, thank you.
I don't believe you, but thank you.
That's part of your charm.
Well, you really took it to Eddie
for not being cut out of the movie there.
It's like that other guy who said
he had a bad laugh, right?
I mean, I'm careful with you.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, be very careful.
I am.
I will lash out anything that you do wrong.
I'm going to be on it
You know what I saw? I saw Neighbors
Fuck that movie
I liked it
I liked it but
I'm trying to do a thing here
It's called Bad Neighbors
Over in the UK I saw the billboards
Bad Neighbors I don't know why
Really? Yeah
I did a 15 minute bit about it.
In the Philippines...
What kind of setup do you need, Morgan?
I think I just stepped on it.
In the Philippines, it's just called Typhoon Haiku.
They tailor
them to their environments.
Eddie, Haiku
is Japanese. Oh, I'm sorry.
No, what was the name of the typhoon that destroyed the Philippines?
The remake of The Karate Kid, also Japanese, was set in China.
I don't get it.
Typhoon haiku.
Sorry about that, everybody.
I'm a little pumped up about my special.
Yeah, Neighbors was pretty funny.
It's a pretty good time.
I enjoyed it.
Good time at the boobies.
I enjoyed it.
Yeah.
I enjoyed it.
It was good fun.
It was a good time at the boobies.
Yeah.
I thought it was a romp.
It's nothing like a painful boobie scene.
They do have a painful boob scene.
Yeah.
The woman's in pain.
Yeah, her boobs hurt.
She's a mother.
Mm-hmm.
With milk in her boobs.
I mean,
how much should I explain?
Too much of it.
Too much of it.
Yeah, too much.
No baby to be found.
That's good.
I enjoyed it.
Rory, what have you seen lately?
We saw Maleficent together.
We saw Maleficent together.
What'd you think of that,
first of all?
I did not like it.
It's stupid.
It's fucking dumb.
And I hope everyone who likes it
fucking dies.
Why did you only invite Rory to Maleficent?
It's my birthday.
Yeah, man. I didn't know
anyone else in Providence.
I was in Providence that night.
No, you weren't.
So we saw it in 2D
and I enjoyed it and Rory was
against it. Can I say something?
Mm-hmm.
What a lot of people don't know about Doug is he is not afraid of taking free food handouts in the food court before going into the movie.
Wow.
He did a full two laps, and I followed him, and you know what?
I wasn't hungry during the movie.
But most malls don't have a food court right outside the theater like that
with so many sample places.
They're super into samples in Providence.
It's their fault for tempting you.
Yeah.
I learned something because Doug passed by the sushi place in the food court
in the Providence, Rhode Island mall, and I didn't notice that.
And I took the sushi handout, and as soon as I ate it, I was like,
why do they eat sushi
in a mall in
Providence, Rhode Island
before seeing Angelina Jolie's
best performance?
She's really good in it.
She's Maleficent.
I thought she was Maleficent in it.
Doug, did you like it?
I did, yeah.
But against my, you know,
I was sort of against it at the same time.
Rory got to hear, I made jokes about it the whole time,
but that's part of what I liked about it,
is that it's a good movie to make fun of,
and once more people have seen it,
I will have routines about shit that happened in that movie,
because it's fucking crazy.
It's like Noah, but instead of fucking with the Bible,
they fucked with a Disney movie that everybody knows.
More people probably know the story of Sleeping Beauty
than the story of the Bible.
No doubt.
Yeah, but the movie's well done, I think,
effects-wise and stuff,
so I think it's going to be quite successful.
It's already huge overseas.
Next person.
Anyways. It's me.
So whoever answered that question
wrong. Next.
Morgan, what have you seen?
I'm very
behind. Don't be mad.
But I saw, I watched...
Singing in the Rain? No, but...
This is making my blood boil. Just say But I saw, I watched... Singing in the Rain? No, but...
This is making my blood boil.
Just say what you saw.
It better have been recent.
I watched it on DVD.
I watched Stoned with my mother.
I watched The Butler.
No, good.
First of all, Lee Daniels, The Butler.
Yeah.
And secondly, that's a weird movie, right?
It's a weird movie, but my mother,
I'm going to use this time to tell you that my mother watched
My Dad Getting Doug with High,
and she's a big fan of yours now.
And she loves you.
Was she high, too, during The Butler?
Yeah, I got her stoned.
Oh.
She's a 65-year-old Jewish woman.
Oh, so it made The Butler good,
so she thinks weed is awesome.
The butler's not bad.
It's just very episodic and strange casting.
My mom's not a good...
She takes naps during movies and takes five bathroom breaks
and then goes, that's pretty good.
I liked it, but she'd see...
She was probably taking a dump during John Cusack
as Richard Milhouse Nixon.
Her mom likes the butler
and getting
dug with high. And you're
trashing the butler.
Yeah, well, I think both
productions could use a little work.
They were probably high making the butler also.
Get your shit together,
Hollywood.
No, but I was sort of saying that I liked it.
It's just crazy.
I mean, Lee Daniels movies...
Are you checking your email right now?
Trying to run a show by myself, Jay.
I see, okay.
This is a one-man show.
I mean, fuck, man.
Except for the great crew here at the Irving Plaza,
who always do a great job this one time that I've been here.
What have you seen, Eddie?
Have you been to the movies?
I saw the CIA's...
There's no reason to yell.
I'm just trying to get my energy up.
I've been told that by my psychiatrist.
I have seen...
I just saw the CIA's involvement in the death of Bozo the Clown.
No, I'm kidding. I just saw the CIA's involvement in the death of Bozo the Clown. No, I'm kidding.
I saw Godzilla.
Which was good for the, I would say it was okay for the first 40 minutes.
And then it just became hilarious.
And I like that movie too, just to make fun of it.
I just come up with lots and lots of bits.
And the best bit I came, can I say a bit I came up with?
Sure.
This is a perfect place for it on a comedy podcast about movies.
I love your encouragement.
You just saw one within the last week.
I did.
I can't believe the timing of this.
I'm so grateful.
At the end
at the end of the laugh
Eddie, please.
The bird either attacks something
finds something it's happy about
or is just mildly surprised.
Well, the hilarious part of Godzilla
3D, have you seen 3D?
I saw it in 3D.
That's how I saw the butler.
Or your mom just moved the TV closer to you?
Backed it away?
Put the glasses on her stove head?
On her way to the bathroom, she had to move the TV a little closer to you?
You or I?
Go ahead, Eddie.
Do your Godzilla bit.
The hilarious part of Godzilla is just like the courage.
What's the deal with Godzillas?
just like the courage the courage that these people show in the face of a monster that is so fucking huge i mean it is just so fucking huge in the 3d effect you really get uh you know that
feeling of how fucking big this thing is but still you have actors going i'm gonna get that
motherfucker but my my bit was a cop. Like Godzilla gets captured
and he gets tied down
and a cop is just interrogating him
with a cup of coffee
and he's just walking back and forth
going, so Godzilla,
we got pretty good information
you destroyed the city today.
For instance,
this guy on the bottom
of your right foot.
And then he denies it.
And then his lawyer is like, oh, that's your thing.
His lawyer denies it and Godzilla denies it.
And I'm like, come on.
And I'm like, you got pieces of the Empire State Building on your chest.
And he's like, somebody threw that at me.
Like, shit like that.
I like the final note to be like, why don't you take a look at this videotape? And then you show Godzilla. I want to get it punched up. And he's like, that's not me. Like, shit like that. I like the final note should be like, why don't you take a look at this videotape?
And then you show Godzilla.
I want to get it punched up. And he's like, that's not me.
That's not me.
I don't know who that is.
My client needs to make
a phone call to Japan.
Yeah, and then I'm on Instacom going,
get Godzilla 300,000
gallons of salt water, Margaret.
Like, instead of a cup of coffee, he asked for 300,000 gallons of salt water, Margaret. Like, instead of a cup of coffee,
he asked for 300,000 gallons of salt water.
Whoa.
And Margaret quits.
To Margaret.
Okay.
Just do it!
I'll do it.
We're yelling.
I'll get it.
And then the cop.
With your big lizard.
I'll get the lizard in salt water.
Matt, I'm sorry we're out of time.
Okay, guys, take it easy.
Thanks.
I hope you haven't been to the movies.
No, have you seen anything?
Yeah, I saw Chef last week.
I saw it today.
I like that movie.
I'm hungry.
Yeah, no, I had a food boner the whole time.
It was crazy
I mean I was hungry
What do you guys say?
You were hungry for boners?
Aren't we all?
They're so thick and rich
Hashtag yes all men
Yes all men
Just trying to draw attention to an important subject
Not making fun of it
The best of both worlds for you It really is just trying to draw attention to an important subject, not making fun of it.
The best of both worlds for you, huh?
It really is, yeah.
No, yeah, it was awesome.
I really liked it a lot.
Yeah, it's good.
It's really good.
After a while, though, it's just a guy cooking.
Yeah, I mean, there isn't much in the way of plot, really.
Matt, do you have a scene where you interrogate the chef like Eddie?
As Eddie?
I mean, it's just like Beer Fest.
After a while, it's just drinking.
I said that because he was already starting to criticize me for,
or not criticize, but disagree about chefs.
Oh, that's the same thing?
What?
Criticizing you and disagreeing is the same thing?
I think that's why I changed words.
Because they're different.
You've lost credibility
though. Yeah, but no, but you were gonna
say you were gonna disagree with me.
How would you know what I was gonna say? But I was joking
around. You were gonna say that it's
not fair to say that movie was just a guy cooking.
Well, I thought... It is more involved
in that, but it is a lot of a guy cooking.
Yeah, he cooks a lot.
It's called Chef.
He cooks a lot.
Yeah, it's like Godzilla.
You know what you're getting.
But do you see how differently we get along
when we're doing a show
where we can't smoke weed on stage?
Right.
Yeah, just backstage first.
We would not argue.
Massive difference. You rat. You fucking rat. Oh, just backstage first. We would not argue. Massive difference.
You rat.
You fucking rat.
Oh, come on.
I'm sure no one knew.
You're right, Doug.
Nobody knew.
Nice cameo at the end of The Departed.
Wow.
Off-screen cameo, no less.
It's not sinking.
You know, a rat runs across a thing at the end of The Departed.
Oh, right.
I saw the fucking movie.
That's why they seem to enjoy that.
Are you calling me dead Matt Damon?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I was so wrong.
It was a reincarnation shit?
Yeah.
That was something from Kundun?
Which I thought was the origin story of the Law & Order series.
Theme, theme, theme.
I remember seeing the trailer to Kundun and laughing. No. At which part? origin story of the Law and Order series. Theme, theme, theme.
I remember seeing the trailer to Kundun and laughing.
No, at which part?
I just thought it was preposterously silly
for somebody who was as stoned as I was
to think they want to see Kundun.
And I never saw it
as a result. Was it good?
I never saw it.
Oh.
I couldn't think, I didn't believe it was a Scorsese picture
In a round of Last Man Stanton
Which reminds me
I tried to say which reminds me
But I went with which reminds me
I got it
Let the games begin
Seven characters Let the games begin.
Seven characters.
I enjoyed that film about Tibet, Eddie.
Very funny.
Let's see your name tags, you guys.
There they are.
There's a big pretzel out there.
Holy shit.
Is your name Pretzel? There's a speech pretzel out there. Holy shit. Is your name Pretzel?
There's a speech?
Oh, it's written out. It's a build-a-title.
But anyway, everyone on stage, go select a name tag that you'd like to play for.
If you have to have them pass it forward or something.
There might be some in the balcony. Are there any in the balcony?
And while they do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back.
And we're back. Who are you playing for,
Jay?
Don't read the shithead
on the back. Don't read the shithead.
Thank you.
Dennis Potvin.
Boo! Potvan
sucks. Potvan sucks!
Potvan sucks!
He wrote something else.
Did you think I was kidding when I said don't read the shithead?
No, he wrote something else.
Don't read that either.
The parentheses?
You're just supposed to tell me what the name of the person is on the front of the name tag.
I know... I've been on your show a couple times.
Yeah, and this might probably happen
It probably did
He said let's go Rangers
Is that not something I'm supposed to tell you?
Say whatever you want to say
This is a free country
Not like
Not like wherever the Rangers play.
I'm just kidding.
Just say who you're playing for.
It's on the front part.
That's the name tag part.
I did do this last time.
Cheech and Chung.
Yeah, our friend Chung Ing
is being played for.
Did I pronounce that right?
Okay.
People were laughing, like,
let's get over it, you guys.
His name is Chung Ing.
Who are you playing for, Rory?
I'm playing for Life of Brian with a Y.
The end.
Oh, that was so succinct.
Who's next?
I'm embarrassed how quickly you did that.
Do I say now?
Yeah, Morgan, do it now.
I'm playing for Rob.
So unfunny.
And it's just on a little basketball.
He just wrote his name on there.
I like it.
He didn't know what the show was.
He came in, just played a little basketball with his kid.
Wrote his name on the ball.
I thought he wanted it at a county fair
because who would actually play basketball with that?
I could play.
Oh, look at her go.
Who are you playing for, Eddie?
I'm playing for Full Metal Jackie
every day you get our best.
Matt, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Chef Ali.
Or is it Ali?
Chef Ali.
Ali. Middle is it Ali? Chef Ali. Ali.
Muhammad Ali.
I don't know why you went Ali.
That's strange.
There was a boxer.
Eddie, we'll talk after the show.
What?
Keep talking.
I think Rob was the friend
That Tom Hanks and Castaway
Just didn't get along with
Until they met Spalding
The neighbor
Rob's like oh fuck him
I don't need to hang out with anybody
I'll hang out by myself
Stabbing fish all day
I'm a basketball
This makes me feel huge
Is that a Nike swish Nike all day. I'm a basketball. What's the name of that ball? This makes me feel huge.
Is that a Nike swish so he would yell Nike! Nike!
Instead of Wilson. I'm sorry!
Wilson. Nike!
I called the ball Spalding
just now. It's Wilson.
I should leave. I should leave right now.
Stay. Stay. Matt.
You know what? Stay.
It's so funny.
I'll think of something funny to say about something someone said,
and then 18 things happened.
While I just sit here going, man, I'd still like to say that joke I thought of.
Marijuana.
And as it gets further and further away.
No, I don't interrupt people.
But as it gets further and further away from my initial thought,
I'm like, no, it's gonna be
less, it's not gonna work as well.
I feel exactly the same as you do.
Me too, but go for it.
What is the thing?
Can we react to it?
I don't even remember what the thing was.
Marijuana.
Matt Bronger, I heard
through the grapevine That you will come on
Getting Doug with High
And get high on camera
Yeah I'll do it
And I've never
Yeah
And I've never
I am more terrified
Of doing it
Than anything I've done
In a little while
But you know
Fuck it
That's what you do in life
You know what I mean
If it scares you enough
Good for you
Good for you
You're not giving yourself
Like a Prince Albert or something
Like just whatever
You know Take the leap It's a dick piercing Albert or something. Like, just whatever, you know?
Take the lead.
It's a dick piercing is what that is.
Thank you.
Just so you know.
I thought it was that thing about the tobacco in a can.
No.
He made fine tobacco and great dick piercing things, too.
It is like a dick piercing.
It is like a dick piercing.
Yeah, the 15th.
Doug, we're doing it, right?
Yeah, I just discarded a couple of jokes.
I think there's nowhere to get them in.
What are we doing?
A dick piercing on the 15th.
No, that can't be true.
Jay nailed it.
That can't be true.
Morgan's doing all of us up here.
I'm going to do it with a needle and some tender lovin'.
Great.
Just heat it up first so it's sterile.
Where do you pierce the dick?
Where does it go?
On the underside.
What do you mean?
Oh, it's not right through the head?
No, no.
Eddie.
I'm not going to do it then.
I was down for it if it was right through the head.
You know what?
Like a wiener crucifixion?
Yes.
Yes.
I've got a question.
Where do you pierce, Morgan?
Let's play some games.
The bird found something it liked.
It might just be hungry.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Oh, no.
What do you mean, oh, no?
I get afraid of games.
I'm not good at them.
Oh, all right.
Well, if you would like to recuse yourself for the rest of the program.
Program.
I mean, for the entirety of the presentation.
Thank you.
You could do that.
No, I want to play.
I like to start off by...
Then you get to go first.
I think she...
I mean, I'm afraid I'm going to lose to her.
That's how it works.
It's called reverse psychology.
I know.
She's just working us with this
I don't like to play games routine.
Yeah.
Wait till you find out I really don't
know anything about anything.
I'm still afraid you're going to beat me.
I'm a game player, my friend.
Well, touche.
In relationships.
You sort of
do need to win, Jay, because
you've already blown the shithead.
So...
I remember that part now.
So we'll start with Morgan.
What do I do?
I'll tell you in a second.
Settle down.
Sorry.
Holy shit.
I put down this ball because I keep wanting to...
Yeah, you really want to just run around and...
I don't know why.
Half court it.
Yeah.
All right. So Morgan's going to go first.
Then we're going to go to Rory and then to Jay and then to me
because I like to play along in this game.
And then Matt and then Eddie.
Wow.
And, yeah, it's going to be amazing.
Paul, listening to the show front row of every
have you been to every Gramercy show?
you missed one
and then you were here for this
and you're going to go to the next Gramercy show?
alright, and have I done this before?
have I let you pick the name?
alright, let's do it
who would you like us to play Last Man Standing with?
Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen, Wow. Interesting choice.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it, too.
I love it, too.
I love it.
So we're going to start with Morgan, and the idea is we just have to name Charlie Sheen
movies.
I got this.
Anything that he's been in, in order.
You can't think of one, you're out.
Is that your thinking pose?
That's what it looks like when you think?
No, no, this is where I try to sell it like I am thinking
so I can be on future episodes.
I was just copying you so it looked like I was thinking.
I saw what you were...
Oh, I'm worse.
You're trying to sell it to me, the guy that...
I don't know what you're doing over there.
I do think better looking down.
Okay, do whatever you gotta do.
The audience
here is fine with that.
Just to witness
the weirdness.
Morgan? Yes?
What's a movie that has... And the audience, please
don't try to help us. It's just between us
up here on stage. Just name a movie
even though it's going to drive you crazy.
Morgan, name a movie
that has Charlie Sheen in it.
Major League.
That is correct.
Thank you.
And it also brings up more questions than it answers.
Right, Rory?
What are you going to say?
Wall Street.
Yes.
That's another one that makes me wonder about another thing.
You know that Vietnam movie?
I will not stand for this.
Well...
Are you really having trouble remembering the name of it?
It's Oliver Stoneville.
Let's talk it through.
Oliver Stoneville.
One of my favorite movies.
Oh, my God.
And you can't think of the title right now.
You hit that apple hard backstage.
Guy, you egged him into yelling it out.
And did you hear it?
Yes.
Clute.
That's right.
He was in Clue.
No, no.
He was in Clue, too.
Clute.
No, he said...
I think he said Dune, Rory.
Dune.
He was in Puppet Iron 2, Clute.
It's like The Unforgiven.
It's maybe like that, sure.
But probably not.
Clute.
It's probably different.
No, that's the title.
It's not that.
That's definitely the title.
But you really can't just shift to another Charlie Sheen movie?
I admit not to being very good at this game.
That's why you're going to beat me.
You've already got me.
Okay, so another Charlie Sheen movie where he's the star, not the director, right?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
I believe Emilio has directed a few, but I don't know if Charlie has.
Are you accusing me
of killing time? No.
I'm having a delightful conversation.
Oh, Wall Street 2.
He was in it briefly,
right? Okay.
That was why I said the questions were raised.
Full title.
Oh, full fucking title.
Nice. Good luck, buddy.
Nice. I always get full.
I got it. He says he's got it. He says Good luck, buddy. Nice. I always get pulled up for that.
He says he's got it.
I got it.
He says he's got it.
Wall Street 2, still streetin'.
Still streetin'.
All right, all right, all right.
Still streetin'.
So Jay is out.
Wow.
And I'm going to say Wall Street 2, Money Never Sleeps.
That's a good one, too.
Matt, what do you got?
Hot Shots.
Yes.
That's another one that raises questions.
I want to see Still Streetin' so bad.
Still Streetin'.
Eddie, what do you got?
Hot Shots Part Deux.
Yes.
Hello, sweet victory.
Morgan?
Morgan?
Remember that Vietnam one everybody knows, apparently?
Two and a Half Men the movie?
Wait, was he in Major League Two?
Major League Two
I saw that at City Walk by myself
My mom kicked me out of the house
So sad
But what's the full title?
Major League Two
Fuck you Jay
I wish that was the full title
Wait wait
Does it even have a subtitle?
I don't know.
I think it's just called Major League 2.
Throw in heat, I believe.
I think it's baseball with a mohawk.
No, it's...
I think it's Major League 2, fast ballin'.
That could be it.
That could be it.
I think it was Major League 2.
Yeah, we made that.
It could be that. Major League 2, what, we made that. It could be that.
Major League Two, what you gonna do?
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Like, it could be a more angry version.
Depending on where you place the emphasis on the you.
So have we decided that I'm accepting that?
Okay.
What about Wall Street Two's still streetin'?
Did not accept that, as it turns out.
You didn't even ask them.
They would have my back on that.
Even though it was funny.
You're afraid.
No, some of them will go with you because it's funny.
Oh, I see. You're the judge.
Which is how my entire career works.
Alright, go ahead.
Carry on with your game.
Crazy game. Are we on your game. Crazy game.
Are we on Rory?
Platoon.
Oh, yeah.
So sweet.
That's it.
I'm going to go with Being John Malkovich.
He was in that?
Yeah, as himself.
Oh, wow.
Well, still in it, Jay.
Settle down.
All right.
Turn off his mic until the end of this game.
When you're out, your mic goes out.
That's like the worst thing that could happen.
Matt.
I will see your being, John, and raise your breakfast club.
He's in the police station.
Oh, I fucked it up.
That's not breakfast club.
Don't say what it is. Don't say not Breakfast Club. Don't say what it is.
Don't say what it is.
Don't say what it is.
I'm not going to say what it is.
Matt is out.
Do not say it.
You're right.
Do not say it.
You saw me fail horrifically.
Do not say it.
I will own it.
Matt is out.
You're goddamn right.
I'm out.
Matt is out.
We go to Eddie.
And I'm still going to talk.
Eddie.
Guys, seriously.
Eddie.
Whatever happened at Gilbert Grape?
Okay, so Eddie's out.
Morgan.
Oh, really?
Get it out of here.
Just fell on your sword.
I love it.
Morgan.
Tell me that wasn't a great fucking guess.
Morgan, it's been teed up.
Just say it.
Platoon 2.
Morgan's out.
Rory.
No way, no way, no.
Say it.
Oh, that was a joke?
It was a joke. You got to say it's a joke first. Oh, I'm sorry, that was a joke? That was a joke.
You gotta say it's a joke first.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't know.
Mine was a joke.
Oh, mine was a joke too.
I'm joking.
That was a joke too.
That was a similar 80s movie.
That's my point.
I was talking about it.
What was he in?
Adventures in Babysitting or something like that?
Inventors of Babysitting?
That hasn't come out yet.
I can't remember.
That's the new Transformers.
That's the pervious movie ever.
Doug, this is a joke.
Okay.
I thought he was in Adventures in Babysitting 2.
The sequel?
No, that was the joke.
Oh.
Rory, what do you got for Charlie Sheen?
I can't believe you guys are making it this easy on me.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
That's great.
There it is.
That's what I'm doing.
You're welcome, Ror.
You're welcome. Thankar. You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What's the full title?
I'll go with...
So many.
The Reckoning.
I'm going to say Lucas.
Oh, that's right.
Turns out I'm right.
Rory, what do you got?
Minute work.
That's what I was thinking of.
How did I not know all these?
I know these movies.
I'm my mother.
Are we still playing?
I'm my mother.
What's that?
Is it still going on?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's down to me and Rory.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I know one.
Dude, I bet you do.
The Chase.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good one.
Money Talks.
Oh.
You know what bullshit does.
Three for the road.
Are you looking at a list?
No, I'm writing down the answers.
I'm writing them down as we say them so if somebody
repeats one, I'll know. What did you say?
Convenient. Three for the road.
Very popular.
Still, if I'm writing things down, it's from my head.
True, but you have paper over there.
That's all I'm saying. Can we confirm three for the
road?
Yeah.
Was two for the road or one for the road prequels to that? Can we confirm three for the road? Yeah, that was about it. Was two for the road or one for the road
prequels to that?
Can we confirm that?
That was with
Pesci and Lou Diamond Phillips.
Three for the road.
He was the third.
This is going to be wrong,
but I'm out of options,
so I'm just going to put it out there.
Did he have any appearance in Young Guns?
Oh, nice.
Yes.
He was in the first Young Guns?
Yes, he played Tomothy Young.
The notoriously stupid cowboy.
I thought he was good in young guns, by the way.
Very young.
Fair enough.
Very young.
Very young.
Could I get a vodka soda?
Oh, and could I get a whiskey on the rock?
I'll take another one.
Just another round, please, if you could.
She's very nice.
She'll hook us up.
Thank you.
Remembers what everybody was having.
I'm still good.
Virgin lime Ricky.
I love lime juice lately. Don't kid yourself.
It's terrific. It's a real wake your upper.
I can't think of another Charlie Sheen movie because I'm having trouble thinking of movies that have a lot of whispering.
Was he in a Woody Allen movie?
A lack of effort.
Don't help me, Eddie. I'm sorry.
I'm sure I'm not.
Yeah, because he wasn't
in a Woody Allen movie.
Or was he? But he was.
Oh! Oh, I know one!
You can't jump in now.
I know, but it's so exciting just to
know something. It's too late, I know. Isn't it fun?
I claim to know one as well.
Oh, yeah.
I don't, though.
Everybody in the audience knows one.
Everyone that will listen to this will know one.
Oh, I just thought of one.
Some will tweet to me like I'm supposed to be impressed that they knew one.
But I am afraid that I cannot think.
Make a wild guess.
Oh, just maybe something he might have been in?
Yeah.
Oh, okay. That's what I did.
Maybe.
I just
want to be right so bad.
I just want to pull one
fucking out of nowhere.
Don't shush.
Who is that stupid?
Alright, so Navy Seals is off the table.
You guys, maybe that was a guy who was in the Navy Seals.
I'll yell out the answer.
That'll resolve the issue.
You guys, I don't think he was in Baby Seals.
That movie's adorable.
My God.
Emilio was.
So cute.
Very pretty.
Very pretty.
Machete!
Two machete kills
I fucked it up
Full title man
Machete kills
But I fucked it up
So we'll call this one a draw
Unless you have another one
Oh we're gonna call it a draw
Do you have another one
When you fuck up it's called a draw
Do you have another one Do you have another one? Oh, when you fuck up, it's called a draw? Do you have another one?
Do you have
another one? I'm going to throw this out there.
Do you have another one? I don't know
if this is another one, but I
hope it is. Alright,
you win. I hope. You win if
it is. You win if it is.
I really don't have another one, so I'm just going to
throw this out there. Is there any chance he had
a cameo or something in
Scary Movie 2?
Yes!
Nailed it!
I don't know if that's right.
Yes, yes, yes.
Nailed it.
Yes, yes, to which I say Scary Movie 5, your turn.
Okay, so now that it's not a draw, we're counting machete?
Okay, I didn't know that we would count machete.
It's true. You do
deserve a lot for a wild, scary
movie guess. And I didn't
even try to verify if he was in two or not.
Was he in two?
He was in five for sure.
Yes, as well.
I think I'll actually go
scary movie three. I'll go scary movie four. Your turn. What's he in for? He was in two, three, four, you know what? I think I'll actually go Scary Movie 3 I'll go Scary Movie 4, your turn
What's he in for?
He was in 2, 3, 4, and 5, your turn
What is happening in his career?
Why is he in all of them?
It's just one
Get out of the game
It's just one scene, dude
None of them are good
Relax
None of them are good
He's in them briefly
Usually with Lindsay Lohan
I can't The turn of events here has really baffled me He's in them briefly, usually with Lindsay Lohan.
I can't.
The turn of events here has really baffled me.
What?
Another Charlie Sheen movie.
I know I can't remember the fucking title,
but I know there's like this 80s movie. Here we go, because I just thought of another one.
Fuck you.
No, thank you very much.
That means I have to think of two?
You will eventually, yes, But just think of one for now
You already said the chase
Yes I did
He claims to know what he's full of shit
Like I was
It seems like he would have had a cameo in
License to Drive
Yes
No he did not
Settle down Jay
I meant Machete 2 Machete Kills drive? Yes. No, he did not. Settle down, Jay. Settle down.
I meant machete
two machete kills.
Has that been used as a get me out of jail
free card? Not correctly, it hasn't.
He was very briefly in Shoa.
I know that.
I think he was the gimp in Pulp Fiction. No one knows that.
I think he was the gimp in
Pulp Fiction.
No one knows that.
No one.
Such a tremendous
tag.
His favorite role.
The Titanic.
No.
The Titanic.
That was Billy
saying.
Gilbert Great
Part Two, my
friend.
The Titanic.
Another one that
I thought of is
The Wraith.
The Wraith.
The Wraith, yeah.
So here's the part where we throw it out to the audience.
What did we miss?
Three Musketeers.
I was going to say Grapes of Wraith.
Eight Men Out is a great one.
Oh, Eight Men Out.
Eight Men Out is a great one. Shoeless Joe Jackson from Greenville, South Carolina.
The Outsiders.
Now you've come with it. Was he in that? Yeah, no. I don't think South Carolina. The Outsiders. Now you've come with it.
Was he in that?
Yeah, now I'm out.
I don't think he was in The Outsiders.
He was in The Outsiders.
He was?
Yeah.
As an outsider?
All the hotties were.
He wasn't in The Outsiders.
He was an outsider.
He wasn't.
Which one was he?
He was outsider number five.
Nah, nah.
He was the guy in the Letterman jacket that wasn't a greaser that looked at him and went,
you guys are a bunch
of outsiders.
The movie.
He was in the outsiders.
I'm just saying this is a fun scene
who's a true standout.
He was not in the outsiders.
Like, Rory's got to stand.
Eddie's got to stand.
He was in the outsiders.
I asked for that one
that he's not.
He was in the outsiders.
Tom Cruise,
Rob Lowe,
Patrick Swayze,
Emilio Estevez
His brother was in it
Charlie was in it
No he wasn't
Well either way that's my answer, I win
Oh also he was in
Martin Sheen's Dick in Apocalypse Now
Ah shit
How are you going to compete with that
He was inside his balls at that point Dick or balls, I'd say balls in Apocalypse Now? Ah, shit. How are you going to compete with that?
He was inside his balls at that point. Dick or balls?
I'd say balls.
I think he was already alive in Apocalypse Now.
He had moved on to the dick by then.
Well, that was an exhausting last man stanton.
I appreciate everybody's patience and endurance.
everybody's patience and endurance.
But that means we still
are going to start with Morgan.
For what?
The Leonard Maltin game.
Oh, man.
Son of a bitch game.
You got fucked.
After that nightmare,
we're going to proceed
to something harder.
Oh! going to proceed to something harder. What do I do?
Let me ask Eddie a quick question.
You pretty confident on the rules of the Leonard Mullen game?
I think so.
Okay, so we'll start with Morgan, and then we'll go to you.
Okay.
And she gets to pick the first category.
What?
Pulling my phone out's a pretty good idea.
What's Rory snacking on?
You know, Doug, that's a great question.
Whenever I'm hungry at home...
Hold on, hold on.
I like to grab Tate's.
You know, if you happen to be in the Hamptons
on Eastern Long Island, New York,
and you stroll around the charming village of Southampton,
as you all often do,
you'll see a cozy colonial-era building framed in flowers that seems to attract people like bees to a hive.
It's Tate's Bake Shop.
The fairy tale culmination of a dream that got started when 11-year-old Kathleen King began baking cookies to Stella and her family's farm stand not far out of town.
I can't believe you have that
whole thing memorized. That's just a monologue
you have? I'm a fan of the product.
And by the way, they're... They are the best cookies
and also they're gluten-free or
maybe possibly better than they're non-gluten-free.
It's all I have to say.
But also I have to say...
Hey, Morgan, remember that time over at the
Gramercy Theater when I threw you off the stage
for being too drunk?
Did you? I think so, yeah.
I think that happened. No, I've never
been thrown off a stage. Well, I asked
you to leave.
I didn't physically throw you.
I thought that's because I was too much fun.
Wait, did she go when you asked her to leave?
She might have been TMF that day.
No, everybody was annihilated.
She was suffering from TMF.
Too much fun.
But you get to pick a category, Morgan.
What do I do?
You pick a category.
I'll keep talking and then you
will select something from what I've said.
Okay. I think
you've got it. Got it. Look who's
walking now. That's movies where people
come back from the dead. Okay.
Greg Bernhardt on Twitter suggested
Benjamin unbuttons
and that's movies where Brad Pitt is
shirtless.
And at M underscore Bonson suggested Look at the Flowers, and that's a movie where a child is killed.
Wow, very Walking Dead theme tonight.
Carl!
Randomly, where's Carl?
I like that.
I love dead kids.
Let's play.
Well, Morgan gets to choose, though, Rory.
I'm going to pick the ones where Brad Pitt's shirtless.
Of course you would.
Thank God.
Not dead kids?
Everyone on the panel knows about dead kids.
But most of us aren't paying attention to Brad Pitt, sir.
I woo during both.
Go ahead.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie from the year is 1991.
He says this movie is the year is 1991. Uh oh. He says this movie
is Oscar winning. Yeah.
And he also says that
the script gives this movie
a lot of juice.
Juice?
The script is
full of juice.
Love it.
Yeah, no, it gives it a lot of juice.
And he lists...
Thelma and Lois.
He lists...
Nine names.
Nine names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
Reading from the bottom up, you know how this works.
Three names.
Oh, wow.
That's a lot.
That's short.
That's short.
You're good.
What do you think of that, Eddie? Do you want a bit less,
or do you want to...
I think she should name that movie.
Okay. She gets
three names. Why did I say that?
Those three names, I don't know why
you said it. The three names... Rory, that's your move.
Come on. It's a way to,
you know, it's a way to welcome Eddie to the game
by giving him a point.
Thank you.
Your three names, Morgan, are Lucinda Jenny, Timothy Carhart, and strangely enough, Brad Pitt.
Whoa. So there's a lot of people above them.
Whoa.
Six of them.
Right?
Wait, the full title. What do you think the full Right? The full title.
What do you think the full title?
Use the title in a sentence, please.
I feel so good.
And tell us the origin of the title.
From 1991?
What do you think it is?
Don't help out people in the audience
that possibly got too high
and then had some cocktails.
You got this.
Because stoners generally don't yell out.
I don't know.
Thelma and Louise is the first one I know.
The first one what?
The first Brad Pitt movie that I really know.
Well, is that your guess?
Is it about a movie?
You have to guess the title of a movie.
I know.
Sit around making speculation. It's not like you're going to get it. But just say the name of a movie. I know. I made a bad decision.
It's not like you're going to get it.
Just say the name of a movie.
Thelma and Louise because it's all I know.
Thelma and Louise is what you're saying?
Yeah.
That's correct.
Thank you.
All right.
If you're in the South Hamptons.
I deserve a cookie.
Get a cookie from Tate's.
Thank you. If you happen cookie. I deserve a cookie. Get a cookie from Tate's. Tate's, thank you. You happen to be loaded with
old money. Don't really eat those.
Don't eat those. Those are made by this 11
year old kid. They're terrible. Buzz,
parents are rich, Matt. Shut up.
But this is a lesson that we
can all, this is a learning experience
right now. I love these cookies so much. Because
Morgan, try not to
make jokes about a movie title
that might in fact be the answer
moments later. Yeah, I didn't like that.
I didn't like that. Listen, Morgan, I think you're drunk
and you should leave. I'm sorry.
I think Eddie should get half a point.
I've had two drinks. I'm very stupid.
People don't know that about me. Alright, stupid.
You're on the board. Okay, thank you.
You're winning this thing, dummy.
Said with love.
So, let's start
with...
We want to go the other way, so
let's start with Rory and go to
Jay.
Correct. Rory,
would you like...
Hit me! Fun.
Fun mic play.
Wow.
No, I just saw the...
You're like in Cocktail, but with microphones instead of poetry.
I saw the Drames Brown trailer.
I'm ready.
I said Drames Brown.
Yeah.
That's a different movie than what we're thinking.
What was the name of the movie?
Drames Brown.
More Drames than Drams.
What Drames May Come? What was the name of the movie? Dremes Brown. More Dremes than Dremes.
What Dremes may come?
What Dremes may come with Dremes Brown.
What's the real name of the movie?
I Feel Good?
No, that's why I'm joking around with him,
because I bet you neither of us can remember what it was called.
It was a trailer during Maleficent. We just know it was about James Brown.
It looks good.
It does look good.
Oh, that's what it's called.
I Look Good.
I'm here!
What's it called?
Get on up?
Hot tub.
It's not called hot tub.
Hot tub.
It's called hot tub, and everyone missed it.
Hot tub.
Hot tub!
You get to pick a category, Rory.
Thank you.
Turn over a new leaf.
That's movies with Joaquin Phoenix
when he was called Leaf Phoenix.
No one's excited about that.
At Mad Flax 2.
They've heard it so many times.
At Mad Flax 2 suggested train, fight, win.
And that's a movie that has action
on top of a train.
And A Sprouse 25 suggested Billy the Kid. And that's movies movie that has action on top of a train. And A. Sprouse, 25, suggested Billy the Kid.
And that's movies with Billy Crystal, a goat, or both.
I love one that's so funny people laugh even when they've already heard it on the podcast before.
I'll do the second one, train fights.
Oh, good.
Yeah, let's save the goat thing for a laugh on another show.
That's what I was thinking.
Get rid of the one that didn't get a laugh.
Go the distance with that bit.
Good call.
This movie where some sort of action takes place on top of a train is from 1996.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
He calls this movie slick.
He also says that the star of this movie co-executive produced.
And he says that a pretty well-known actor appears unbilled.
Yeah.
And thanks Leonard.
Yeah.
He gives the best clues. Yeah. A well-known actor, dot, dot, dot. And he Thanks, Leonard. Yeah, he gives the best clues.
A well-known actor, dot, dot, dot.
And he lists eight names.
How many names do you need, Rory?
Eight names.
Good bet. Good bid.
And then he goes left.
Goes to you, Jay.
Oh, seven names.
The order changes every time. It doesn't make any sense.
No, fuck it. I'll go four names.
Oh, he says, fuck it, four go four names Oh he says Fuck it four names
Yeah
What do you think of that?
Matt Bronger
Fuck it four names
Started with seven
Like you almost forgot
My name
Just now
Matt
Bronger
What year was it in?
Bronger is hard to say
When you're drunk
Because you might throw up
19
Bronger
Bronger
Hey Matt Bronger you might throw up. 19. Hey, Matt.
What year is the movie?
What's the category again?
All right.
First of all, one at a time.
Just like you did it.
The year is 96.
And the category is
Jay doesn't Remember.
Oh.
It's train, fight, win.
So fight on a train, top of a train.
Action on the top of a train.
Four.
You said four.
I'll do three.
He says four.
Matt says three.
Jesus Christ.
Eddie, you can go lower, or you can...
Name that movie.
Yeah, you can ask him to name that movie.
Matty B.
I'm going to go with...
I'll give you the names.
But that kind of confidence is really nice.
The one guy who didn't get high.
Okay, here we go.
I'm just dumb.
No, Rory did it just two days ago.
I'm on a pot diet.
So if I look stupid,
it's because I'm just
stupid.
It's the rushing in thing that
goes against people sometimes.
You know, like,
anyway. True love?
Are you talking about true love? I'm just saying, yeah.
Rory probably shouldn't have got
married. Matt...
Hey, don't uh. I agree.
She's been the bane of my existence.
I got no excuse.
Is she like, Rory, I'd like some breakfast.
Yeah, and it's annoying.
It's like, take that thing off.
Breathe real air for once.
Grow up.
Stop doing curls.
My God, your arms.
You're fucking ripped.
I don't have time to talk about this.
I have to go buy a new coat at Burlington.
This is like the pilgrim who works out.
That's your wife.
Babe, you're more than great coats.
You're more than great coats.
Your three names.
Okay.
Who gets the three names?
Me Matt, okay
Matt, three names
Matt Barfee
Your three names are Vanessa Redgrave
Nope
Very distinguished actress
Kristen Scott Thomas
Fake
And And no yelling out, because this is going to give it the fuck away.
Ah, fuck.
Ving Rhames.
Oh, uh, um, oh, oh.
Is it Mission Impossible?
That's correct!
That's correct!
Is it Mission Impossible?
That's correct!
I, of course, would have preferred Mission colon Impossible,
but I will accept.
What was the category?
What was the category?
What was the category?
What's the category?
The category was,
what's your favorite Mission Impossible movie?
Oh!
That's how I got it, Roar.
Ghost Proud of God. Yeah, no, he went deep. I got it, Roar. Ghost Protocol.
Yeah, no, he went deep. He went back to
numero uno. Number one. Mission
Impossible 1. Exploding gum on the
glass. That was a good one. Mission
colon impossible was the correct answer.
I forget, and I picked the category.
How am I doing so far? You're winning.
Great, Eddie. Poorly.
Matt Bronger has one point. Morgan has one point.
We're racing towards two points.
So it could end at any time.
And we're going to start with you, Jay,
and then go to Rory.
Fuck.
Okay, what's up?
Okay, first of all, this is...
I'll just say it, but it's just coincidental.
Let me know.
Non-stop.
And that's films that are set in India.
In India?
In India, yes.
Coincidental?
It's the next one.
It's the next category.
That's coincidental?
This shit happens.
I will say this.
Not some pretty good bread.
But if you go to a deli,
you can't get a turkey on naan.
There's nothing against India or naan.
It's just a pun.
It's just a cute pun.
It's a great pun.
I'll wait for the end.
At JakeSkywalker33,
because JakeSkywalker1 through 32 were taken,
suggested,
Fargo, fuck yourself.
And that's movies based on TV shows.
Again, it's just a coincidence.
Director of Dukes of Hazzard.
I don't want to hear the other topics. I'll choose that one. There's just one more. Maybe you're friends with him, so I don't want to hear the other topics.
There's just one more.
Maybe you're friends with him, so I don't know.
Celebrating a birthday today,
Zachary Quinto.
Who has been in Quinto
films.
Four, actually.
I am actually
quite a good pal of Zachary Quinto's.
I could just tell.
I'm not. I've never met the guy. Why would you think I'd be pal of Zachary Quinto's. I could just tell. I'm not.
I've never met the guy.
Why would you think I'd be friends with Zachary Quinto?
I don't know.
You seem like you'd accept somebody with pointy ears.
I was going to say pointy ears.
Let me tell you this.
I heard Zachary Quinto on the Howard Stern Show, and I thought he was excellent.
Excellent.
I heard that, too.
I haven't met him, but I hope we all agree that he's great.
He might win a Tony on
Sunday. For what show?
Glass Menagerie. Bullshit.
Which is a show
I quote every time somebody
handling bags throws my bag.
I'm like, hey, hey, hey, my Glass Menagerie.
Oh, nice. Well done.
If I were your baggage guy,
I would chuckle at that.
Because most baggage guys love Tennessee Williams riffs.
Yeah.
T-dubs.
You're like, Tennessee Williams.
Nailed it.
Which one of those would you like to play or remember and say, repeat to me?
Whatever the second one is.
Argo, Fuck Yourself.
This is movies that are based on TV shows.
Okay.
This one's from 2005.
Leonard Mullen calls it a bomb.
Six.
He says, what are you saying?
Six names.
Okay, six names.
We go to Rory.
Can I have any information first?
What?
I didn't take any.
Yeah, I need it. I need
information. This generation
seems to be very intimate with the answer.
This generation of comics is embarrassing.
I'm 53. I'm 53.
Oh, really? Oh, he's older than me then.
Sorry, sir.
Go ahead. He says about this movie
kindly
unfasten your seatbelts.
That's a strange thing to say.
I don't like putting this out there,
but sometimes Leonard's a dick.
He also says about this movie,
he also says,
unrated version is two minutes naughtier.
Which I don't know how you can measure naughtiness
by minutes. I know what I don't know how you can measure naughtiness by minutes.
I know what movie this is.
Do you? Jay has a handle
on it, but it's up to Rory.
Do you genuinely know what it is?
I, for the first time tonight,
actually know what it is.
I believe you.
You should.
I believe you
in the fact that you're selling me on it. I feel like it's not a good psychological game. I believe you in the fact that you're selling me on it.
I feel like it's not a good psychological game.
I believe you.
All right, Roy.
Year?
Year is 2005.
Yikes!
Yeah.
No, I really know.
Yeah, you know.
Do you really know what it is?
I said it before.
Do you know what it is?
Don't say anything, Jay.
Yeah.
Do you know what it is?
I do.
Jay knows what it is.
Ask him one more time.
I hope I do. I hope it's the same movie, Doug.
I do too.
Negative one.
Oh, here we go.
Sorry about that, Jay.
He didn't even say it. That passed you by. Sorry about that, Jay. You're, uh...
He didn't even say it.
That passed you by.
No, he's not supposed to say it yet
because Morgan has the next turn
and Morgan has to decide
if she's going to go
below negative one?
Negative two, negative three, whatever,
or if she's going to ask him
to name it.
I don't actually know what it is.
In hopes that...
I don't know what it is. I've never know what it is. In hopes that... I don't know what it is.
I've never known what it was.
These games make me feel so
like a superior being.
Because me and the audience,
we all know what's going on.
We're all just smiling.
I'm going to say...
I'll take another one.
I've got to keep up with my guests.
Morgan, you're cut off.
Am I really cut off?
Yeah, yeah.
Really?
She's currently winning the game.
I'm kidding.
I'm joking.
Oh, yeah, she is winning.
That'd be a good bit.
I mean, that'd be...
I feel like if I was...
If I could really...
You're right.
You're totally sober right now.
No, I'm just trying to think.
I feel like if I committed to it as my thing,
then I could be like the alcoholic comedian.
I say go for it.
But what's happening in this game right now?
What do I say?
I say name that movie.
All right.
So you get three names.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rory gets three names, and they are...
Oh, what?
Negative one.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I get three names.
Fuck you, Rory. No, I do get three names. No are Oh what? Negative one Fuck you Rory Fuck you
I love that
I love how fast and angry and loud that reaction was
You goddamn preening peacock
Rory
Rory has to
Alright
Morgan's gonna be playing
The Washington Generals next week
Rory
based on what I've heard tonight
thinking that people have given a rate
you need to name the movie and the top billed person
too many secrets
full title
is the movie Dukes of Hazzard
that's a real question
why did we all go silent
you have to say both
you have to say the name of the movie and the lead person,
and then I'll tell you if it's all correct or not.
If any of it's right.
Yeah.
Ooh, you fucking monster.
Oh, well, do you know the next part of it?
You know the movie came out in 2004.
Wait, what do you mean, do I know the next part of it?
The movie came out in 2004.
Can you name the first billed person in the movie that you think it is?
Yeah.
Who is it?
I don't know, but I'm going to name a name and hope it's right.
Okay, here we go.
I know that it's down to two
people.
Let me tell you something.
Jay, do not help him. I don't even know.
You have insider info.
I don't even know. You are the Charlie Sheen
of this Wall Street situation.
This is a 50-50 guess, sir.
Don't guess, Jay. Where were
these two guys in their career at that moment?
Don't help him.
That's what I'm trying to think.
Jay, why?
The answer is exactly that.
Jay, don't.
Isn't it fun?
He's giving me nothing.
Shut up, Jay.
He's giving me nothing.
It's a movie set in the South.
Somebody pass him a Jay to shut him up.
I don't want to get this wrong, but I'm going to say Sean William Scott.
I meant, and what I meant by that is Johnny Knoxville.
It's the Dukes of Hazzard and Johnny Knoxville.
Oh, that's what I thought I said.
But, you know, judge it how you want, but I thought that's what I said.
And who challenged you on that?
Morgan Murphy is our winner!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The drunk one. Morgan Murphy is our winner Oh my god
Oh my god
The drunk one
Foster Brooks
And beautiful timing
Because the show is supposed to end around now
So that could have gone on forever
But yeah pass down your shitheads
Everybody we know yours Jay
Alright
Doug the fourth time I'm on the show I'm going to get it right You're going to so nail that shit Morgan down your shitheads, everybody. We know yours, Jay. All right.
Doug, the fourth time I'm on the show,
I'm going to get it right.
You're going to so nail that shit.
Morgan, you won, so we don't need yours.
I'll just take the shithead part. I get to keep this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You get to keep it.
I think it's the fun thing to have.
What's happening right now, Rory?
Use your microphone voice.
What's that?
What's happening right now?
Nothing at all. That guy said, sign it.
You're a shitty contender.
Oh, you want Rory to be your shithead?
No. What?
He wanted Rory's signature.
Oh, he wanted your signature.
I'm not going to lie to you when I say
that will get you exactly zero places
and zero money and zero all things.
But I'm glad you have it.
Gets me nowhere.
I sign everything I own
and no one gives a shit.
Not even when you've lost it?
Yeah, even when I've lost it.
You lost your sunglasses on the train the other day.
How long have you been off weed?
Three months.
Yeah. See what happens to you guys
I like that only two people booed
Doug really thought this whole place would become a ruckus
I thought you would go fucking nuts
But sometimes it's more of a podcast crowd
Than a pot-cast crowd
I have lung cancer
I have lung cancer
Is it funny now?
Now is it funny?
Nobody with lung cancer yells
that loud.
I have lung cancer.
I have lung cancer.
I have lung cancer.
Nice. Eddie Pepitone, have you
ever had lung cancer?
Lug cancer?
Have you ever had cancer of the lug?
I went
through a period of swallowing lug nuts.
Yes, I did.
When I was working for an auto mechanic who would just dare me all day.
Swallow it, swallow it.
I could go on with this.
It's a great bit.
I didn't believe you until the backstory.
I could tie it into Godzilla.
Job qualifications must accept dares.
That'd be fun.
I feel like that deserved more.
It did.
It's all right.
We've got an unusual array of shitheads.
But who was Morgan playing for that can come collect their prizes?
Rob.
There you go.
Dan Mintz. Dan Mintz.
Dan Mintz.
Can I really keep this?
That's very exciting for me.
Oh, she gets to keep the ball?
I'm a bit of a lesbian,
so I enjoy it.
You're going to fly with that?
A bit of one?
A bit of one.
Yeah, she's a part-time lesbian.
Ask her if she'll fuck you.
I do very well with lesbians.
It's what I'm known for
early in my career, yeah.
I was a big hoopster.
How many downloads does this get?
Hoopster in the day.
I hooped.
You did?
Yeah, I played a lot of basketball
in my day.
I learned a lot of tricks.
Show us one of the tricks.
Okay, let's see one.
Let's see a trick.
No, but I used to watch commercials, like Gatorade commercials,
and try to learn the moves from Gatorade commercials.
I was very at a lot of issues.
We all know that that's not a regular basketball, right?
No.
It better not be palming.
Give us something.
I can't palm a men's basketball, which is...
Oh, Rory just did something very impressive.
Gotta wait till he finishes.
He spent a lot of time at Dave and Buster's.
I'm sorry, I meant Chuck E. Cheese.
He wants another crack, you know.
I want a third crack.
Oh, what the fuck is happening?
Rob, is this a regulation ball?
Wait a minute.
Is that Morgan Murphy or Sweet Lou Dunbar?
I mean...
I love the pommies on her socks.
Yeah, there it is.
That's it.
You are a winner.
I'm really happy about that.
That was called the Rachel Maddow.
That was called a Rachel Maddow. That was called a
never asked to prom
is what that was called.
Never what? Oh, I'd love that if you
did that in the parking lot at prom.
That's probably why we're friends. What are your plugs,
Morgan? I got a special on Netflix.
It's called Irish Goodbye.
It's on iTunes in CD
form, and I'll be recording a special at 2 a.m. tomorrow in Brooklyn after Bronger and Pepitone.
Awesome.
Eddie, what do you got to plug, buddy?
Laughing Skull, June 19th through 22nd at Annenborough Fringe Festival this August.
I went there.
I almost killed myself.
It's true.
I love it when he finds something he wants, that crazy bird.
Matt, tell everybody again how they can
come see you tomorrow night and
Wednesday night. I'm not kidding. I want
people to come. No, with this audience
here in front of us. Those folks here, go to
blacklistnyc.com slash
Matt B, and you can just get free tickets
for tomorrow or Wednesday night.
Yeah,
and we're going to
post this tomorrow.
Okay, yeah.
And mine is 10 bucks
so you make the call
on that, you know?
And I'll be tomorrow night
at a 98.7.
I think that's
at a show
that you can't get
tickets to.
Go ahead, Rory.
You should host
one of these things, Morgan. That was
sweet, sweet
skills.
Rory, go. I enjoyed it.
I'm going to go quickly. If you listen
to the podcast, I said the other day, but all my
dates are at RoryScoville.com, but I'm also
raising money for one of my buddies who's
getting cancer therapy. So if you go
to my Twitter account,
there is a link where you can donate just like $1 and then tell other people.
I know most of you will not do it.
You don't give a shit.
You don't know who he is.
It means a lot to me.
So if you give it,
if you just want to be like,
Hey,
I'm going to donate to this one thing,
go to this link,
give a dollar and fucking help a dude going through cancer fucking therapy.
It means a lot to me.
This guy means a lot to me.
It's a big deal.
So please do it and tell other people about it.
But more importantly, go to my website
and look at my dates.
I was trying to beat you to that joke.
I knew you were, so I was like,
I better get in there.
But Jay, can you work up
some sort of emotional speech about something
that's going on?
I just want to build on what Rory said.
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for that.
My commercial plug is going to land a lot harder now
But thank you
And by the way
I will donate a dollar to your pal
Thank you
Thank you very much
Shoot me that link, Roar
I'll post it
I'll send you the link
Doug
I'm going to do it as soon as I get on the internet
Yeah
We're kidding, but we will Full fun I'll send you the link, Doug. I'm going to do it as soon as I get on the internet. Yeah.
We're kidding, but we will.
Full buck.
Can I just give you a dollar, Rory?
Give it to me.
I'll give it to him. Give me a dollar.
I'll give it to you, pal.
It's going to be two now from me.
I'm going to donate a dollar to your friend,
and then I'm going to go buy a pair of $350 shoes.
Give me the dollar.
I'll give it to him.
Either way, I'll take that.
I'll take that.
The person who gives the most to this cause is the best person.
Good luck, everybody.
Right now, we're at $500.
So good luck beating that.
Yeah.
Please beat it.
But do beat that.
Thank you.
I'm not joking.
If someone here tonight doesn't beat it.
I will give $100 to your friend.
I really will do that.
And who can match that?
Here we go.
We got the show.
Now the podcast has started.
Who's got $1,000?
Do I see $1,000?
Holy shit.
Cowards.
We went to Douglas Movies at Irving Plaza.
We didn't know that it was a telethon.
A last second telethon.
And that we would be there all night.
All right. Try to beat 1,000.
Ladies and gentlemen, Edwin McCain.
We all walked out with no money and we were mostly naked.
We moved this curtain.
It's nothing but celebrities and telephones.
Oh, my God.
Is that Eric Stonestreet?
What's he doing here?
Eric Stonestreet.
All those Erics, why weren't they on the actual podcast?
Charlie Sheen was back there the whole time giggling.
Why was Doug holding back?
Yelling out movies he'd been in.
Eric von Stroheim?
Charlie yelled platoon, not that guy.
No, but seriously, we've had a lot of fun tonight.
No, Douglas, movies in Los Angeles this week.
The next one is going to be in Bloomington, Indiana
at the Comedy Attic.
My mom calls it Bloomington.
I love that club.
On Sunday, June 8th at 4.20.
Thank you to all of my guests.
Thank you to everybody for filling up the Irving Plaza.
We're going to move back to the smaller Gramercy on June 30th,
but hopefully anyone who wants to can come back.
Let's hear it for Matt Bronger, Eddie Pepitone,
Morgan Murphy, Rory Scoville, Jay Chandra Sekhar.
As always,
what time is it, is a shithead?
These are some confusing shitheads, you guys.
Dennis Potvin is a shithead.
Let's go, Rangers.
Yeah, see, I knew that would get a mixed reaction.
The group the USA men's soccer team is in for the World Cup is a shithead.
Oh, maybe I should have finished with that one.
I'll say this other one, then I'll finish with that one.
I hope you guys have my back.
People who wait
until the end of the show to write their shitheads
are a shithead?
Oh, that was good enough.
Play the theme song.
Now it's time for Doug on