Doug Loves Movies - Jeff Dye, Dave Shumka, BJ Shea, and Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth Guest
Episode Date: January 12, 2013From Parlor Live in Bellevue WA, Doug welcomes Jeff Dye, Dave Shumka, BJ Shea, and Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Priva...cy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey, everybody.
Doing a little tech stuff here real quick
because this mic stand, no one should have to use it.
And so I'm switching it up for one of the guests can have it.
Take this one over here.
Uh-oh.
Thank you, sir.
You were on it.
What does that say on your shirt?
Gotham City Police Department?
That's not a real thing.
Uh-oh.
Hang on, hang on.
Here we go.
Okay.
All right. We actually don't
need, those guys don't really need mic stands, but we already had to say, could you move
the stools up? And then a team came out here. It's very impressive. They're really on it
here at Parlor Live. But let's stick to the script, you guys.
Why is he going off script,
everyone's saying to themselves.
My name is Doug.
And I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Parler Live
in Bellevue, Washington
on January 12th to Ocean's 13 at 420-ish.
Yeah.
Thank you, Washington State, for making weed legal.
See you soon, Colorado.
Denver, yeah!
State of Denver, yeah!
Since last I spoke and you listened,
I taped an ep of Dining with Doug and Karen
that is available to listen to for free
in the podcast section of iTunes.
And soon, I don't think it's there yet,
but soon at Nerdist.com.
I finally got an award screener
of Les Mis.
Irreble.
So I was up all night, love hating it.
And I am obsessed with that movie now
because it's great and it's awful.
And this morning I flew from LAX to SeaTac,
and on the flight I listened to
an entertaining 40-minute interview
of past and future guest Judd Apatow
on Alec Baldwin's Here's the Thing podcast.
So check that out, you guys,
if you're not too busy listening to all of my podcasts
and next Saturday
January 19th we're finally attempting
to do the third
tournament of championships
yeah
it's going to be at Meltdown Comics
at 4.20 in the afternoon
and fingers crossed that all the participants
can make it
and the show is already sold out
so I gotta deliver on that one.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief,
tweets about movies.
Django Unchained edition.
Yeah, at turdswitfriends.
Yeah, turdswitfriends tweeted,
I just bought tickets to the new Tarantino film on
Fan Django.
And
past and future Douglas Movies guest
Matt Besser tweeted, Django Unchained
is the best documentary about
Mississippi
that I have ever
seen. This has been
Tweet Relief, Tweets About Movies, Django Unchained Edition.
January 20 and 21st,
I'll be at the Punchline in Sacramento, California.
Stand-up on Sunday,
Douglas Movies on Monday,
DouglasMovies.com for all the dates
and deets and links.
You guys want to see what's in the prize bag?
Woo!
Let's check it out.
It's pretty heavy.
Keep your eye on it for me, Gotham Police Department.
Doesn't Gotham also have a shitty police department?
I want every officer in the sewers now.
And then they do it. They all run in the sewers now. And then they do it.
They all run into the sewers.
Every single officer needs to go.
Robin is the only one that stays behind.
All right, in the bag,
we've got a koozie that we'll get explained later,
a CD by one of the people that's about to take the stage. I'll will get explained later. A CD by one of the people
that's about to take the stage.
I'll also explain that later.
We got a copy of my CD, of course.
Smug Life. It was recorded right here
at Parlor Live
on April 20 last
year. Both shows,
people got thrown out.
Way
to go.
Washington State.
Yeah, because I doubt they were from around here.
I don't think anyone... Does anyone live in Bellevue that's here today?
Oh, these are cool.
One of the guests brought a CD
by the lovely band Korn.
It's their Live at the Hollywood Palladium CD.
No one from Korn is here.
Don't get that excited.
Monkey's not here.
Is that a guy?
Monkey's not here. Is that a guy?
And, oh, he also brought a, for Xbox 360,
a Kinect training.
So that's...
Again, no one from that is actually here.
And then we've got a T-shirt
that you guys would probably recognize if I showed it to you.
Also a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt. If you go home and tweet a picture of yourself wearing it,
I will promise I'll retweet it. Somebody brought a Cartman figure.
And I brought a Doug Loves Movies button that's stabbing my finger right now.
And I think that's everything.
I think that's all the stuff that's in here.
And so please help me in welcoming to the stage four dudes that I like a great deal.
And I know you will enjoy them as well.
Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth.
Jeff Dye.
BJ Shea.
And Dave Shumka.
Yeah, get rid of those mic stands.
You guys are professionals.
Also, are we lined up in a way
where everybody can sort of see all of us?
Anybody who left on me cannot see anyone.
I think we're good.
I think we're all right.
Yeah, I think it's not too bad.
Apologize for anyone who has bad sight lines,
but just pretend it's a podcast.
Just sit there and listen
to it.
Of course,
Big Irish Jay brought his shirt that he's talked
about on my podcast ad nauseum.
And if
I tried to explain it right now, I probably
couldn't do it. But it's the
bottle service shirt.
Yeah, I think you could call it the bottle
service shirt. South Boston bottle service. Yeah, yeah, okay. We don't need to talk about it anymore. Well, if you want me to Yeah, I think you could call it the bottle service shirt. South Boston bottle service.
Yeah, yeah, okay. We don't need to talk about it
anymore. Well, if you want me to explain, I can.
No, you do not need to explain it. I mean, it's pretty good.
It's a beautiful color
and it's got
Irish imagery on it.
Yeah? Yeah.
So,
it's great to wear on St. Patrick's Day.
Now, Jeff
Dye is here, everybody. He's headlining wear on St. Patrick's Day. Now Jeff Dye is here, everybody.
He's headlining.
Thank you.
Yeah.
He's headlining this weekend here at Parlor Live,
so I was lucky to be able to have him come by for the show.
And he contributed a copy of his CD called Welcome to My Brain.
And he signed it.
He signed it for you.
He wrote, you won worst prize ever.
And I'd say that's
probably not that. It's probably
the koozie you also gave me. Oh, that's way better.
That koozie's way better than a crappy CD
for me. What does it say on the koozie?
The koozie says, beer before liquor, never
sicker. Liquor before wine,
pee the futon. It's nice.
It's helpful.
It's right there. You read it like,
I shouldn't pee on couches.
You didn't even say it right.
You get the gist of it. What was wrong?
You said liquor before wine.
It's liquor before beer. Yeah, I drink a lot.
You get it.
I mean, you can say anything you want
because the joke is the last line doesn't rhyme.
Yeah, that's right.
It's my joke, so I took creative liberty with it.
Yeah, I used to have a haiku
about my ex-girlfriend.
It was,
all good haikus have five syllables,
then seven,
but who cares, you whore.
And you might also know, Jeff,
from the MTV program
Money from Strangers? Money from Strangers.
Money from Strangers, yes.
I don't know if there's any junior high kids,
but it's really popular there.
I don't know, everyone's like, MTV?
Come on, Doug, we don't watch it.
But thank you for mentioning it.
I met some new friends before the show.
You know how that goes.
And I said that I left my brush
In Los Angeles
To brush my luxuriant hair with
And one of them went and grabbed
A hotel comb for me
And I am paying that forward
I mean look at this tiny comb
It can't even snap off
In my luxurious
My luxurious business
And BJ Shea is here ladies and
gentlemen you know you know from the BJ Shay experience mornings on KISW Seattle
we've had you on many times I'm so excited when I get all this stuff right
you know I don't want you to look at our prizes because I can't believe that's all we gave you.
What do you mean that's all you gave?
You brought a Korn CD?
I did bring...
You raided the prize vault down at the station.
You know...
It was a Canuck training thing.
How about that, huh?
That's fucking...
Yeah, G4 was all over that one.
That's a big pick.
Man.
Did you say it was a pick Halo 4 or that one
And I thought this crowd would really appreciate that
I have pretty much a workout crowd
Got a lot of law enforcement
From Gotham
Get in the sewers
I can't take over the city Unless you all get in the sewers.
I can't take over the city unless you all get in the sewer.
Les Miserables style.
What else are we forgetting here?
Oh, somewhere in here, you just have to take my word for it because I can't find it,
is two tickets to come see past and future Douglas Movies guest Dave Foley
performing right here.
Yeah.
From Kids in the Hall, he's going to be here.
We want to see him. Are they in there or not, Doug?
They're in here.
I'll find them.
Suspicious.
Proof.
Good call, though.
Boomka. Dave Shumka's here everybody
Yeah
Came down from Canada
Yeah
Where he hosts
The very popular
Stop Podcasting Yourself
Nailed it
Program
Yeah
I got everybody's credits right
I didn't look at this piece of paper once
Yeah
I brought
I brought a shirt
That I left at my brother's house.
Canadians are so honest.
You could have pretended you brought the Cartman figure.
But that was Big Irish J's contribution.
One of.
Also a shirt we're not going to talk about.
Yeah, let me tell you about this shirt I brought.
Enough about the god damn shirt
Don't even bring one next time
I'm going to shred it up and clean my car with it
What?
If you do
So angry about your shirt
There was like three or four episodes
Where we didn't even get into it
And then one you told the whole story
People can archive that I mean if they need I can go over it There was like three or four episodes where we didn't even get into it, and then one you told the whole story.
Yes.
People can archive that.
I mean, if they need, I can go over it.
No, no, no.
I mean, anybody here wants to hear about it,
just take a massage. He's got one right over there, Doug.
Somebody's wearing one?
Yeah.
With a collared shirt underneath?
Yeah.
Wow, Captain Fancy.
Not the biggest fashion statement.
That's some real bottle service right there.
Welcome to Bellevue.
Swellview right there, my friend.
That's how we roll here on the east side, bitches.
Now, Jeff is excited about the football game that's being played right now.
Yeah, it's big.
Who's playing? Baltimore and Denver.
Baltimore and Denver right now, and then afterwards there's a Green Bay San Fran, which affects our future.
Some guy just booed one of those two teams.
Somebody's like, talk about movies, you dumb idiot.
That's what some people are thinking right now.
This is sports shit.
I'd imagine there's some people here that care about the game,
right?
So I told Jeff,
I gave Jeff permission. I normally wouldn't let
a guest do this. I told him
to just get up and go look at the TV in the green room
every once in a while.
And then update what the score is.
Broncos are ahead right now.
This guy's got a set.
35-28.
Spoiler alert.
Hey, I wanted to be this.
Fuck.
What quarter are they in?
Fourth quarter.
Fourth, yeah, because 35-28,
that's a lot of action.
It's a first quarter.
A lot of people have slippery hands.
They're playing at the slippery hands stadium.
Spoken like a true sportscaster.
It's the Tostito Bowl.
They all had some Tostitos and then
couldn't hang on to the ball
because their fingers had so much
Tostito dust on them.
If their hands are slippery, how are they scoring so much?
It doesn't follow.
They're kicking it through their fingers.
They're dropping it and then not being able to pick it up.
Next thing you know, it's in the end zone.
They fall on it.
Somebody gets the points.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Knock it.
I know how it works.
I saw Rudy.
Very Ken Burns. They play a lot of football in Les Miserables
So that also keeps me abreast of how it works
Let's just go down the line
And ask
Of course we're in a new year
But Big Irish J
Do you have a favorite film
From last year
From Two Oceans 12?
Oh, 2012.
Yes.
I know, you thought I was only going to talk about
movies that have opened in the last week and a half.
Which would be
A Haunted House.
The Raid was up there. I love The Raid.
The Raid is awesome, yes.
And the sequel, Judge Dredd,
was alright. Because they're similar. The Raid is awesome, yes. And the sequel, Judge Dredd, was all right.
Because they're similar.
They are kind of similar.
I got a lot of tweets from people saying that the Dredd,
which has been a comic book, it's been a thing for years,
is somehow a ripoff of the Raid that was conceived and filmed two years ago.
But I get their point
that there's a similarity there
that's hard to ignore.
But, ignore it. Dread's a good movie.
Okay. Thank you.
Did you like it?
It's just called Dread, first of all.
Are we talking about
the Stallone movie now?
I'm a little old school.
Because Stallone was Judge Dread.
Yeah. Maybe I just saw that last year. I'm a little old school. Because Stallone was Judge Dredd. Yeah. Maybe I just saw that last year.
I'm a little late.
We're talking
Ocean 99, right?
I don't know.
People keep saying to me,
they gotta make Ocean's 14 this year
or you won't have anything to say
next year. And I'm like,
don't worry about it.
And the Batman movie.
I'll think of something to say. It's what I do.
I sit around all day thinking of things to say.
Sometimes I don't even think
first. I just say it.
So the Gotham Police, do you report directly
to...
Do you have to report to Gary Oldman?
What about you, Jeff Dye?
Do you have a favorite film from last year?
Ironically, Batman was my favorite movie of last year.
The Dark Knight Has Risen?
The Dark Knight.
I just...
I'm obsessed with it, and I hated it when I was a kid,
but now, the new ones, I'm obsessed with them.
What about it would you not enjoy as a child?
If you want me to,
I thought, which is such a stupid
thing to even go into a movie with, but I was like,
this isn't realistic. I was like, one of those kids.
Which, I mean, that's how much of a little boob
I was. I was like, what? And I was just
picking it apart. And I'd always get mad
and be like, why don't the villains just leave Gotham City?
There's an oversaturation of villains.
Right?
Like, go to Detroit. No Batman at all.
Just regular cops.
You'll get away with murder out there.
But now, they've made it
realistic and stuff. I'm obsessed.
I watch it a lot. And you do know that they have RoboCop in Detroit.
That's right.
He's the worst.
Maybe Flint.
It's just Michael Moore is all you've got to deal with.
That RoboCop.
Do you moonlight with Detroit police?
Hey, I'll interview the audience.
Alright, sorry.
Well, he doesn't have my shirt on, so fuck it.
I'm more interested about what they're going to do
with the Gotham football team. I think they're all dead now.
What is next season?
Hines Ward is about the only guy.
And he just loves yellow and black teams, that guy.
He'll play for anybody in yellow and black.
Yeah, I just...
That was one weird thing about that movie
in retrospect, is that they...
Bane went around and blew up some of the bridges.
There aren't that many bridges.
Like, why wouldn't you just blow them all up?
Why would you leave a couple and go,
and if anybody walks across, then blow it up?
They're not gonna take that bridge.
There's a toll, and it's expensive.
That one's always backed up. Why would not going to take that bridge. There's a toll and it's expensive. That one's
always backed up. Why would anyone
even try? They'd say, ah, screwed.
We're stuck. Dumb school bus.
Stupid kids.
I love that
exchange too. Like, don't tell the kids that
the bridge is going to explode. Well, it
is.
Give them a chance to get their shit together.
You know, make a will.
Make a will.
Send your goodbye texts.
But yeah, I was severely disappointed
in the absolute lack of attention
for Dark Knight Rises by the Academy Awards.
It got nominated for nothing.
Not even special effects.
They nominated Snow White and the Stupid
Man.
What a clever spin on Huntsman, Doug.
What about you, BJ? Do you have a favorite from last year?
You know, I'm one
of the few people I think that liked Prometheus,
but, you know, December 25th was last year,
and Django Unchained was a great film.
It was my favorite.
Was Django Unchained?
I thought it was 2013.
Yeah, it's Christmas, actually.
It's allowed.
Just in time for Christmas Day,
here's a wonderful, uplifting movie where
you hate every person that has a skin tone anywhere
above tan. Here's a great movie
you'll never be able to quote.
I like a film I can't say any lines
from to my friends.
There's this one part and
you should see it is all.
I kind of paraphrase
it but I quote it because I now say to people
uh
I say my name is I kind of paraphrase it, but I quote it because I now say to people...
I say, my name is Ugg, D-O-U-G.
The D is silent.
That's good.
But I'm glad you mentioned Prometheus and Django Unchained in the same breath
because the only thing that's missing from the 2 hour and 45 minute running time of Django Unchained in the same breath because the only thing that's missing from the 2 hour and 45 minute
running time of Django Unchained
is an abortion machine.
So if you see Prometheus,
you get the abortion machine stuff out of the way.
Then you go back to slavery
and it's all good.
I liked Prometheus. Did anyone like Prometheus?
I liked Prometheus.
It's a very mixed reaction to that movie.
Yeah, for sure.
I love scientists that just have the IQ of a partially thawed fish stick in a cave.
Let's take our helmets off.
What could happen?
They don't do the brightest things in that movie.
Yeah, it's a little troublesome.
The geologist that's just a piece of, well, what he geologizes.
That guy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I mean, I just can't believe that such that, you know, he's such an a-hole.
How is he able to really
know anything? He should be the guy
that fixes the ship or fills it up
with gas or whatever the hell they fly around with.
That's the way I used to watch Batman.
The guy that fixes
the ship is too busy
fucking the white woman.
Wait, are we talking about Jane?
Yeah, go, the wire.
I couldn't think of his name from it quickly enough.
The best white woman.
Idris Alba.
Dave Shumko.
Hi.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm pretty good.
Great.
You had all that time to think about it.
I know, right?
You have to have the best answer
Yeah, I was hoping no one would choose mine
Judge Dredd from 1994
What were the odds that that one would come up?
Demolition Man
Demolition Man
Demolition Man is the longest Taco Bell commercial
in the history of things.
Doug, my 2012 pick
is a film called Looper.
Never heard of it.
Another ignored by the Academy movie.
Yeah.
Like, should have at least got best screenplay.
That's some tricky shit going on.
Best half makeup.
Best baby actor.
That fucking little kid in Looper is scary as shit. Yeah. Best half makeup. Best baby actor. That fucking little kid in Looper
is scary as shit.
He's intense.
Good choice.
Thanks.
Well done, Dave Shulka.
I'll be back to talk to you later.
Yeah, see you in a few minutes.
There were a lot of nerd fights, though,
about what the hell happened in that movie
and could it happen.
My son and I just nerded out for hours after Looper.
Time travel opens a big old can of worms
for anybody that takes a second
to think about what's happening.
That's why I don't like those kind of movies.
I know me, and I know how simple my mind works.
Like, I left Inception.
I was like, I can't deal with all this shit.
Or give me jet skis and machine guns. That's what I'm into. I don't need with all this shit. Or give me jet skis and machine guns.
That's what I'm into.
I don't need all this thinking shit.
I couldn't loop or confuse me.
And then the director says,
not only are we going to talk about
jumping through time,
but then I'm going to shoot the movie
out of order because it's just
not complex enough for everybody.
So you go, did he die?
Did he fall?
Who's in the car?
What the hell's going on?
He came down with a case of the mementos.
The Freshmaker.
Fresh Maka.
Jay,
back to you again, buddy.
Django, yeah, I like Django too.
I'm not coming through for another round.
I'm just trying.
What was your second favorite movie?
By the way, did I mention my shirt?
Don't make me
one-inch punch you. Alright, I don't want any trouble.
Because I don't know how to do it very well.
No, I just want to
quickly go through and ask the other question I always like
to ask, which is,
what have you seen lately?
Just saw, well, apparently
Django was last year, so I won't say that, but I also saw
what's the Zero Dark Thirty?
Zero Dark Thirty.
Just saw that.
Yeah, BJ saw that today.
What's up?
You like it?
Yeah, it was really good.
Did you just say to me, what's up?
No.
Is that a...
Are we doing a show here? What's going on?
Are we supposed to have some sort of interaction?
What's up?
Fucking Jeff's eating Cheez-Its.
Yeah, they're delicious.
You're like, I just fucking narked on them.
Those are movie snacks.
Movie snacks.
He can eat Cheez-Its.
Oh, well, fuck, I'd have been eating a steak on this show for the last ten times.
Yeah, it was awesome.
It blows me away, the balls that anybody in the military has.
I don't really have a joke here.
It literally just blows me away what they are able to do and the fearlessness of them.
I love Chris Pratt from Parks and Rec and Moneyball.
Great actor, funny guy, good guy.
But I've seen the trailer and the commercial for Zero Dark Thirty a bunch of times,
and it drives me crazy
The way when they're talking about going on the mission
He goes
Osama Bin Laden
Like it's a made up person
He says Osama normal and then Bin Laden
And it just bugs the shit out of me
I can't say or hear that name without thinking of it
So you're choosing not to go to it,
kind of like Spike Lee with the Django.
Yeah, that would be a reason to boycott the movie.
I don't like two random words the way they're said.
No, I've seen the movie.
I'm just saying that that's a thing that I've noticed.
I'm just fucking ruining this.
Every time I turn on the TV, there's a commercial,
and he's going, Osama bin Laden?
He says it like he's suspicious.
Like, you really think this guy exists?
Yeah, yeah.
It's not an actual person.
And she's standing way over there leaning against the car,
and the guy goes, she thinks so.
She thinks Osama bin Laden is a thing.
She's pretty hot.
We don't find him, and we still might get some puss.
Are they getting sent on a lot of missions We don't find them and we still might get some puss.
Are they getting sent on a lot of missions that they end up at the wrong place?
Oh, we shot up a dominoes.
Yeah, he always questions his missions
over a game of horseshoes.
Tennessee.
Tennessee.
Horseshoes... Horses.
Horses.
Horses.
Oh, fuck.
Doug, were you distracted by the cameos in the movie?
I was distracted by some of the cameos.
Well, I'm tired of Kyle Chandler showing up in everything
and just playing a dick who sits behind a desk in two scenes.
That guy's awesome.
I want more Kyle Chandler is my point.
I don't want to ruin it it but there's one particular cameo
Osama Bin Laden
you totally ruined it
how did they get him?
it is the guy that plays
Rafi on the league
that's who's Osama
oh yeah
I was actually distracted
by cameo
word up
Tennessee
I just you know it's like it's supposed cameo. Word up. Tennessee.
It's supposedly a really serious movie and there's the bigger guy that shows up
and he's only one guy we'll ever know
for our whole life and he shows up
trying to not be that guy.
Gene Hackman?
What's wrong with the big guy?
I wish Gene Hackman would do something.
I know he's probably crazy old looking now. Gene Hackman. What's wrong with the big guy? I wish Gene Hackman would do something. I'm obsessed.
I know he's probably crazy old looking now
because we haven't seen him for years,
but I would love him to just show up
like when Henry Fonda showed up
on Golden Pond and everyone went,
he aged a million years,
but at least he showed up and did something cool.
Because Gene Hackman, there's nobody better.
He's the best.
Crimson Tide, one of my all-time favorite movies. Let's pour a little out for Gene Hackman, everybody. Wait nobody better. He's the best. Crimson Tide, one of my all-time favorite movies.
Just pour a little out for Gene Hackman, everybody.
Wait a second. He's not dead. Prince of Tides?
No, Crimson. Crimson Tide.
Way better. Jesus.
What's up?
Word up.
Ow.
Yeah, I thought you said Prince of Tides
in that Barbra Streisand movie.
I was going to be like,
he's not in that.
No, that's he and Tony Scott.
That's both of them.
It's some of their best work.
I think that was Denzel actually.
What?
Nothing.
I said Tony Scott,
the director of the film.
I know.
I was trying to be funny.
And then you said, no, that's Denzel Washington.
Yeah, because that's who...
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
He did direct one movie.
Do you know the name of it?
Aliens?
No.
Enemy of the State?
Tony Scott directed a lot of movies.
We're talking about...
Denzel?
Denzel now.
Oh.
Because didn't he direct John Q?
Man on Fire.
Tony Scott directed Man on Fire.
Man on Fire.
I'm on fire. Man on Fire.
Be not it. Tennessee?
Man on Fire?
Holy shit.
What were we talking about?
Did Jeff name a recent movie?
I haven't named one.
It can be on your computer.
It doesn't have to be in a theater.
I was going to say, the only learning I do is from the documentary section of Netflix.
That's the only thing I...
Documentaries are the shit, man.
And so there's a movie I watched just recently called Bottled.
And it's about how you shouldn't drink bottled water.
And that's why I'm on On my high horse about it now
I regurgitate the things
I learn immediately
Like I've known it forever
Like hey you know
Let me ask you this
Have you seen Cheez-Its?
No
Yeah there's a film expose
On those
And it's rhino buttholes
Is what they make
Cheez-Its out of
Yeah I'm fine with that.
I did want to say
that was ironic
because I'm drinking
bottled water
and you're saying
that is so bad for you
while you were just
scarfing down these Cheez-Its.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
Bottled water will kill you.
Cheez-Its just make you
get chubby.
What's that documentary called?
It's called Bottled.
But there's another one
I wanted to mention
called Dear Zachary.
And if you just don't...
Oh, people are losing it.
That sounds like a bummer.
No, it like sidelined me for weeks.
Like I didn't stop thinking about it for like four and a half weeks.
I don't want to ruin what it's about.
Just see it and it'll blow your brain.
And it's a true story about a woman who got away with a lot of stuff in Canada.
I'm just kidding.
It's about a whole country.
No, but you should watch it if you want to
really be rattled by something.
Okay. Unless you want me to talk about it more.
I don't know how this works. No, no. I've got a couple
documentaries on my list of need to see.
I'm sure probably none of us have seen them yet
because they're relatively new, but one of them
is this West Memphis 3.
Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah.
Documentaries are more
often than
what? than fictional films
they work and they're successful
and they're interesting
I don't read the paper I don't read books
that's the only way I get
information is from my queue of
Netflix documentaries and I just made it a rule I watch
all of them so if you like go through it it's like
oh like he watched Dear Zachary,
he watched Loose Change, and then it's like
Bret Hart's Boots.
It's like a WBF movie.
Just watch them all, you know?
BJ, what have you seen?
Zero Dark Thirty, just today, right?
I saw that today, but I'm very proud of the fact
that I spent a lot of money to see
the Star Trek
nine minutes, and then I sat
through the Hobbit thing. Lord of the Rings
zero.
Wait a second!
You didn't
know that you could get up at some point?
That
to watch the nine minutes of Star Trek
you were committed to
two hours and 45 minutes of Hobbits?
I was really, I was fascinated
because I'd never seen
the story of some creature that has
no courage, a bunch of other people
hitting things, going through the, you know,
jungle and the forest and the mountains
and something scary was about to
happen and he has a blue sword. I never
saw that before, so I thought, hey,
I'll sit here because it's in a higher frame rate.
So I threw up in front of somebody and left.
It was beautiful.
You saw the 48 frames? I saw the high frames.
I saw the 3D.
At IMAX 2? At IMAX 2.
The trouble with that is next thing you know
you're sitting at the table with those fucking hobbits
having food with them.
And they are all disgusting. They spit
and fart.
And I saw the plate spinning act
from some old variety show
in the 60s.
That was weird.
You're right about that.
It looked beautiful,
but I sat there and I thought,
am I an idiot?
Because I have the other three
on DVD and Blu-ray,
but I did like the Star Trek.
I want to see the Star Trek movie.
I want to see the darkness.
That's what I want to know.
Benedict Cumberbatch.
Cumberbatch. Cumberbatch.
He's Cumberbunch.
That's right, right?
Sherlock.
It's Cumberbunch.
Sherlock, that's right.
Shylock.
What?
Stop saying things wrong.
He's right.
I think that's...
I love American television
because, you know,
hey, they put on a great show
like Sherlock on the BBC,
so let's see if Lucy Liu will do an American version for us.
Let's embarrass our country even more by putting on crap television that takes after a great BBC show.
Oh, you don't care for elementary?
I just wish...
Jeff loves it because it's at his learning age.
Yeah.
He's not lying.
Is that a documentary?
Everybody has a learning age, you know.
But where did you have to...
So you went to an IMAX theater here in Seattle?
Yeah, right here in here.
It's in Lincoln Square.
This one?
This one, yeah.
Because I'm dying to see that nine minutes.
I've been to a couple different places
where I got my seat to not watch The Hobbit
because I've seen it already,
but I just wanted to see the Star Trek
and it wasn't there.
That happens here.
One of the guys on the show, the Rev, went to the
Boeing IMAX, which is supposedly the granddaddy
at our Pacific Science Center. They didn't tell anybody
that that wasn't the high frame rate
Star Trek one. Are you sure it wasn't the
Boeing IMAX?
Well, I want to see it, and it's nine minutes.
Is it like the first nine minutes?
I think it is. Like Dark Knight style?
I think it is.
Dark Rises style?
For any Doctor Who fans, any Doctor Who fans?
Rose's boyfriend, Mickey, is in that nine minutes as well.
There's Doctor Who all over that bloody thing,
because the seventh Doctor plays
Radagascar, Madagascar, whatever his name is,
the brown, the crazy,
with the rabbit wizard guy in The Hobbit.
And he was Sylvester McCoy.
I don't know what anybody's saying anymore.
You know, the guy that runs around on the...
I thought we were talking about the nine minutes from Star Trek.
Yeah.
I really was more excited about the Doctor Who sightings.
I feel like BJ's speaking German
I don't even know half his fucking words
I am totally nerding out, my apologies
No, it's perfect crowd to do it for
I think it was the first nine minutes
And Benedict Cumberbatch
You know, the Benedict Cumberbatch man, his voice
Like he's only on it for like 20 seconds
But like I can hear all the women in the theater
Just swoon, he's got such a voice, that guy
You know, he just commends.
He's like that Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen kind of thing going on.
I can relate.
Thanks.
Because you swooned when you heard it?
Exactly.
You related to that part of it?
Yeah.
There's a very heartwarming story out there
about how
it is difficult to find the right
IMAX theater that's showing the nine minutes
of Star Trek and a dude
is dying of cancer
and complained of it
and J.J. Abrams brought to him
the entire, showed him the entire movie
Yeah
I mean, the guy's no longer with us
but, you know that's pretty awesome that JJ did that.
And then I brought down this whole show by bringing it up.
And it cured the guy.
You know, you'd think it would, being the first to see something like that.
You know, he gave it a good review
and I don't know if I can trust it
because... Of course not.
You can't. What if it was like Luke
is showing this dying guy the first, you know,
episode one, Phantom Menace.
The guy would probably die during it.
Fuck this.
Cause of death. Jar Jar Binks.
Takes a lot, gerbil.
Takes a lot, gerbil man.
Or whatever.
Whatever varmint George Lucas looks like.
Dave Shumka.
Hi, Doug.
Did you see a movie recently?
Do they have the same movies up north?
We have motion pictures in Canada.
I just saw This Is 40.
And for the Doctor Who fans,
Paul Rudd wears a really long scarf.
Nicely done.
Thank you.
It is the same two characters from Knocked Up. And about 20 minutes in, it is, uh, it's the same two characters from Knocked Up.
Mm-hmm.
And about 20 minutes in, I realized, oh, I don't know if I like these characters.
They weren't as fun as Seth Rogen and his pot-smoking buddies.
They were more the part of Knocked Up where it's people arguing and unhappy with each other.
Yeah, yeah.
So there's a lot of that in Mrs. 40, but there's some funny stuff, too.
And, you know, of course, Albert Brooks is, you can't ever go wrong with that dude. Totally. Yeah, yeah. He's a lot of that In Mrs. Forty But there's some funny stuff too And you know Of course Albert Brooks
Is you can't ever go wrong
With that dude
Totally
Yeah yeah
He's totally in it
And let's go
And I love the scene
Where they get
Fucked up in the hotel room
And Paul Rudd
Is just doing a bunch
Of silly stuff
And the room service guy
Comes in
Oh you mean
Knocked up
No in
They get fucked up
And go to Cirque du Soleil and knocked up I know
yeah and they're in a hotel look it's a fun movie guys if you've got two hours
and 11 minutes check it out I do and this is the part where I say let the
games begin! Take back your city Gotham! That is never gonna
get old. To me. To me. Just to me. Me and me alone. Let's see, which game should we play? Let's try...
How Much Did This Shit Make?
Uh-huh.
I went on the internet
and looked up movies
that were filmed in Washington State.
Yeah, and I found
what is sort of a prequel to Silver Linings Playbook,
a movie about beautiful people with mental issues
that was shot up in this part of the country,
and it's called, from 1993, Benny and June.
Remember that? Johnny Depp had trouble talking to people, From 1993, Benny and June. Oh, shit.
Remember that?
Johnny Depp had trouble talking to people,
but he could spin a hubcap on his finger
like it was nobody's business
and did so in traffic.
Or in a park.
I forget where he did it.
And got a girl because he's just handsome.
That's really what it was.
Yeah, he's good looking,
and then Mary Stewart Masterson's a cute girl.
She's insane, and you know she's insane because she wears
swimming goggles just walking
around
and carries a ping pong paddle
for no reason.
She always has props. She'd be a good action
figure. There are a lot of things to go with
her. You get her and
so what we're going to do is we're going to
go down the line. We'll start with Dave down here
on this end. And each
of you is going to guess an
amount that you think
that Benny and June made at the
North American box office
during its entire
run. And the trick
is to not go over
Price is Right style.
Sure.
Benny and June, 1993. How much do you think Benny and June made?
Not a blockbuster.
I'm going to say like 12 million-ish.
Add the ish in there.
Can you say ish?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get all here to there, really.
That's the decimal fall.
12 point-ish.
So you might go over with that guess.
Yeah, exactly.
I bet I did.
BJ, the ish is going to kill you.
BJ, what do you think?
I have no idea, but I'm going to play the numbers
because I think people are going to go over that.
So I'm going to say 11 million.
Because I think everyone's going to go higher than the 12.
I thought when you said play the numbers,
you were just going to do that $1 move.
Now that he's played his strategy. I thought he was going to go higher than the 12. I thought you said play the numbers. You were just going to do that one dollar move.
Now that he's played his strategy.
I thought he was going to do the one dollar move.
$10.5 million.
What?
Wait a minute.
Again, you're not listening to what I'm saying.
The strategic move would be to say a dollar.
Because then you get everything from a dollar up to his 12-point-ish.
Not my final answer.
You should watch that documentary on The Price is Right.
Jeff and I.
We got you locked in, Jeff, at 10.5.
Also, keep in mind, winning doesn't matter.
In fact, if you want to go
check the score. I got it right here.
It is overtime tied at 35-35.
Fucking crazy!
I wasn't texting.
Look at this shithead pulling his phone out.
Why have you been holding out on us with that information?
Well, I don't want to interrupt the flow.
There's a momentum here.
Of the game.
What the fuck?
70-yard pass. 70-yard pass?
70-yard pass.
So the ball is...
We've got a better score up there.
Hey, guy in the audience,
pay attention to this show, all right?
Show's right here.
It's still 35-35. It's a one-face show. It's still 35. It's a one-face show.
It's not mine.
One dollar.
Ish.
You guys are like an underdog, don't you?
Pick the giant.
So,
the movie made $23.2
million, so Dave
should come. God damn it.
He said a dollar. What a dope.
What movie
makes a dollar?
That's so stupid.
This guy's a
moron. Just for
the record, my ish is like $22 million.
Yeah, he said one ish.
Yeah.
That was... That's a good start, though.
I was delighted by all of that.
You can only hope that a game is going to work out like that.
It sent you all down the wrong road.
I fear playing a more complicated game than that one.
I've got more strategy, Doug. Don't worry.
But I also love this game so much.
Let's play ABCD's Nuts.
This is where we're going to spell something out.
Since Dave won the last round, we're going to start with Dave.
But then we're going to go to Jay.
We're going to switch the order up.
And then Jeff and then BJ.
And we're going to go through letter by letter.
We're going to spell something.
But when it gets to you, you're the next letter.
You have three seconds approximately.
Ish.
To name.
Three point ish to name a motion picture
that begins with the letter
that is your letter
and
and if you match the name
of a movie that I randomly wrote
down for each letter
then you automatically win and it's very exciting
and it's only happened
once and it was because like one of my best
friends was playing.
So...
Um, and what we're gonna spell is...
Parlor Live.
Yeah.
Because that's where we are.
I can spell that.
And it's not too long of a word,
so it won't take forever.
So we'll start with Dave.
Give me a movie that begins with P.
You have three seconds.
All right. Here we go.
One.
Uh-huh.
Phone booth.
Two. Oh.
And it's a match!
No.
It's, uh, I wrote down,
Peter Pan.
Peter Pan.
Not Hook. Don't watch Hook, you guys.
Don't fall for that shit.
Okay, now we go to Big Irish J.
American Pie.
Well done. Jesus, thanks for the
support, assholes.
Are they supposed to be that impressed?
It's not that difficult.
There's a lot of clapping during the whole thing.
They might be tired.
I mean, it's no phone booth, but...
Well, Shumka showed off and used a silent P.
Or whatever kind of P it is.
American pot, fuck me.
No, thank you.
And appreciate the offer.
My P is silent.
Out of that horse dick?
No way.
Thank you.
Just an assumption.
What do you mean, thank you?
You're a giant.
I know.
If you don't have a big dick,
that explains a lot.
That explains the career in stand-up comedy.
I guess I gotta talk to get people's attention.
The giant man with the tiny dick
does not get invited to a lot of cocktail parties.
Because he's already got a cocktail weenie.
Oh, God, this is so fun.
The movie I chose was a film called Always,
because it's about firefighters in planes
and took place in the Pacific Northwest,
or was shot here, partially.
Holly Hunter, Richard Dreyfuss, John Goodman. Okay.
R is your letter, Jeff.
Hmm.
Raging Bull.
Did I win? No.
I mean, you don't lose.
Perfect. Because that does, Raging Bull does
begin with an R.
But it was just a coincidence that it came up
earlier. I thought you might have picked up on it.
I chose RoboCop.
I remember
you saying that. And then it got mentioned.
Okay, BJ, your letter is
L. Looper.
Say that's how
it's done.
He didn't win either. But I picked
also filmed
in Washington State, Life
or Something Like It.
Yeah, I did not see that one.
That movie
was for ladies who like shitty
movies.
Oh!
Dave Shumka.
101 Dalmatians.
Nice!
I chose 101 Dalmatians.
I'm kidding.
That would be a weird coincidence.
No, I picked a kind of underrated
Sean Connery movie called Outland.
Remember that?
Yeah.
You should check it out.
All right, Big J, what do you got down there
for the next R?
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, you can't repeat.
It's got to be something different.
Ryan's song.
I picked Robocop 2.
He could have just grabbed it.
It was right there.
And you're out because Ryan's Song is a TV movie.
Are you booing me or Doug?
It's a really good one and it's also called Brian's Song.
I was doing the musical.
There was a film called Ryan's Daughter,
but I don't know if that was a musical or not.
I know there was a scene where a woman was spinning on a hill.
I remember that for some reason.
Oh, that was Sound of Music.
Okay, Jeff. L. I'm going to go with of Music. Okay, Jeff.
L.
I'm going to go with Love Actually.
Okay.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you watch The Walking Dead?
I know.
I saw the first one, and I liked it,
and then I couldn't commit.
First episode.
Yes, it was cool. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's pretty much the same.
Anyway, you saw the first one.
He's in it the whole time.
Sheriff Rick is the guy with the stupid signs
trying to pick up on Keira Knightley
and steal her from his black best friend.
I liked that guy. It was romantic.
No, it wasn't.
His black best friend was in the other room.
He's like, I want to fuck you.
Please let me put it in you.
He's got drawings of it.
But then he let her go, you know?
He did let her go
I got a lot of creepy friends
that would have
let that married woman go
I picked
Live and Let Die
okay
I is the letter
BJ
Inception
I'm really happy
that only three people
are still excited about Inception.
Go sleep sometime.
You'll have a more interesting movie.
No, it's all right.
I went with a movie that,
it says that it was shot partially
in Washington State on Wikipedia,
but I do not believe it.
Somebody yelled out, Idaho!
Yeah, that was a great movie.
Especially if you're into potatoes.
No, I went with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
What did they film here?
The monkey brains?
The river, when they go off the side of the mountain
and they land in the river?
When they're just in a raft and they fall off a cliff
and that's enough to just, they just land gently in a river.
It's fucking amazing.
Calima Shantilly.
Okay, PG-13.
We have that movie to blame for that
rating. Okay.
V is the next letter, Dave Schumke.
V. What is
V for?
That's right.
That's right.
Yes.
Do you have anything?
Very bad things.
I chose V for Vendetta.
Did not.
Did not.
I went with, also shot in the region,
Vision Quest.
With Matthew Modine
from the Gotham Police Department.
And finally, looks like you guys
are all going to survive this and we're not going to have a winner.
Jay,
what do you got for E?
Ryan Song? Didn't he say Ryan Song?
Oh yeah, he's out.
Yeah, thanks Dave, you cock.
I could have just played again.
That's for narking on the Cheez-Its.
I didn't nark on you.
Respect.
That Cheez-Its and beer looks amazing to me right now.
Hey, he won me over.
I'm starting back.
That looks like some good stuff.
I'm going to go with one of my favorite films,
End of Days.
That's really one of your favorites?
Yeah, it's cool.
It's a cool movie.
That's Schwarzenegger, right?
Yeah, he fights the devil.
It's amazing.
It's the best.
Arnold versus the devil?
What more do you need?
What does Johnny Knoxville play in this new one?
I don't know.
The new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
He's like the comic relief in it.
He's like the funny friend of the guy who fought the devil.
I wish that was the log line for that movie.
But I chose...
I think part of it was filmed here.
I don't know, but
Extraordinary Measures
was the E that I thought of.
And that is ABCD's Nuts.
We did it. We got through all of it.
You guys are good players.
Still overtime, 35-35.
All right.
Just getting confirmed.
You are correct, Jeff.
That guy in the audience that always knows?
Is that right?
Very correct.
This guy's stealing my thunder.
I'm sorry.
I did not mean to make fun of your laugh.
Sounded like goats mating.
That is a rude thing to do,
but so much fun.
Let's see what kind of name tags we have
here in the audience tonight.
I had a feeling
there'd be some good ones.
I see a stop sign that says poop on it.
Diana has a mesmerizing
wheel.
And Justin has a lot of
snacks. Just go grab it
as soon as you find it that's actually hilarious you have hot wings play the
hot wings big J oh yeah wait why'd you call me up what's in the frame what is
it say on the frame. What is it?
A very creative Hulk.
It's a bird?
Some other characters.
I love birds.
Sam, what?
It's Arnold.
Oh, Avengers.
Hmm.
I'm torn.
I only recognize the Hulk.
All right.
Oh, that's nice.
I'm going to do 12th man right there.
You son of a bitch.
Got to do it.
Bring it on up here, dude.
Pass it on.
You can have it.
I'm going to take Arnold in the back.
I want Arnold Schwarzenegger.
You got an iPad?
I should have switched this up.
Take Arnold.
Bring it up here, my man.
You guys are good.
Hold on to that for me, buddy.
That's a great movie.
All right, thank you.
I already committed.
Jeff, you got it, Jeff?
Look at this.
There it is.
Can I have this afterwards?
This is amazing.
Now we're talking.
That's cool, huh?
Oh, my name is not Quaid.
It's not Quaid, it's Josh.
This is amazing.
Oh, yeah, I sat in the wrong seat, sorry. Not a problem. This is not Quaid. It's Josh. This is amazing. Oh, yeah, I sat in the wrong seat.
Sorry.
Not a problem.
This is what I did.
I love Quatu.
Great Quatu.
It's like musical chairs.
Sit in the seat you just were in.
And the answer on the back is amazing for later.
I picked the right one.
This was destiny.
All right, let's start, though, with Big J down there.
What do you got?
Amber Alex alert.
And it's a picture of me.
It was this or food.
You sociopath.
And it says that goddamn thing from your shirt on there.
Oh, what's that? Oh, bottle them!
Bottle service!
It says that.
It's got the fighting Irishman
who you have tattooed on your body.
Yes.
And Colin Farrell.
And Irish Spring.
Very creative.
I'm surprised he didn't put a potato on it, you racist fuck.
He's got Guinness.
From Idaho.
Yeah.
And so the person you're playing for is Amber or Alex?
Alex.
Alex.
That is good.
Okay.
And the Amber alert thing is like trying to say that Big J is scary and would do something?
Oh, that's what you meant?
Well, fuck this.
I'm not using this.
What a dick.
Wait a second.
What did your brain decide Amber Alert over your picture?
I was just so...
That you're missing?
The writing on the back
has bled through the poster a little,
so it looks like he has, like,
shitty prison tattoos on his face.
Oh, he does. He does.
Wait.
You just look even more creepy on this.
But seriously, you do look like
you would have sex with kids.
In that picture,
to be fair,
I know that seems harsh,
but that's a bad pic.
Plus he's wearing my shirt.
By the way, those shirts...
Great bit.
Okay, so he's playing for Alex
and Jeff is playing for Josh
who brought a very nice Schwarzenegger picture.
I love it.
I want to say that even though there was a lot of good choices out there, I'm very happy with my pick.
What else is going on on that thing besides Schwarzenegger?
I think that's Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I'm not positive.
Why is he on there?
Were they in a movie together?
Down here, that's Gene Hackman.
So I'm real happy about it.
It's all the people I like.
And there's guns, too.
It's cool, huh?
There you go.
I think the guy is Michael Ironside.
Yeah, tomato, potato.
Easy.
And what's this crazy baby thing from?
Quatu.
You got a little Quatu on there.
Yeah, Quatu.
Oh, okay.
It's all from Total Recall.
The original.
I thought it looked cool.
It does.
It's a great drawing.
It's like a comic of...
It's cool.
You were already talking about your love of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And then, boom. Yeah, happened to have your love of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. And then boom.
Yeah, it happened to have that. It felt like it was destiny. Yeah.
BJ, what do you got?
12th man represent, Michael.
Right here.
Mike, my man.
Rocking the
WrestleMania jersey right there.
How could I not pick this?
This is an omen.
That's for Tom Brady, right?
Let's check him.
That does nothing to me.
How dare you? I don't get it.
What's the name
on your 12 flag?
The guy's name. It's supposed to be a name tag. No, I said it's Michael. What's the name on your 12 flag? You mean the guy?
The guy's name, yeah.
It's supposed to be a name tag.
No, I said it's Michael.
The 12th man is more of a community of people.
It's like the unknown soldier.
I don't get it.
Michael, though, a fine representative of the 12th man.
And Dave Schumacher?
This is a loaf of bread.
Is it a baguette?
Yeah, it's a Les Mis reference, I think.
And it's...
It's funny. He gets imprisoned
initially for stealing bread, but you never see him
stealing bread in the movie.
And he's not, like, fat.
Like, it's not like, oh, that's the guy.
If some vegetables were missing,
then you point at Hugh Jackman.
Yeah.
Or whey protein.
This is, I'm assuming this person's name is Molly,
and it's a picture of the movie character Amélie.
And it says, Amélie, it's pretty sweaty.
That doesn't mean that the baguette is wet.
No, I just mean the premise.
Yeah, she went out of her way and then you fell for it.
And now you're putting the bread on the ground.
So, I mean, I guess once it's taped to an Amelie poster,
then it doesn't matter anyway.
But her name,
your name, of course, is, where's Molly?
Okay, Molly.
Well done, Molly. Good job.
You thought the big bread, you thought
Jay would pick it, right?
Why is that, Doug?
I'm just saying
that that's...
Looks like some tasty bread.
I did look at the cupcakes.
All right, let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
Let's do it!
Let's do it!
Since Dave won way back when,
how did this shit get made?
We'll start with him.
Yes.
And then we'll go to BJ.
Thank you.
Followed by Jeff and Jay.
So stick with us, Jay.
It's coming your way.
I'm ready.
I'm just saying don't daydream.
Don't start thinking about other name tags you should have picked.
Tastier name tags.
Tastier.
I just met ones that were
less accusatory of child
molestation.
Might have been a good way for him to go.
I should say child theft.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Well, I guess all abductions are in Amber Alerts.
It's just if somebody's missing for whatever reason.
Amber Alerts are important, you guys.
It's not funny.
The Packers have seven points,
and the 49ers have zero points.
I'm hoping that there's an explosion
and the stadium swallows both teams.
That's what I'm hoping for.'s an explosion and the stadium swallows both teams. That's what I'm hoping for.
Come on, Bane.
The funniest thing happened.
Maybe not the funniest,
but it has a certain charm to it.
My Leonard Maltin app on my phone
has been acting up lately.
So I decided that I would re-download the app.
And in the process,
it erased all of the categories
that I had loaded in.
And then all day today,
I kept thinking,
I got to load in some categories
before the show tonight.
And instead of doing that,
I went and got a flu shot.
Because, you know,
people are making a big deal out of this flu right now.
That's important, too.
The flu sucks?
Do you have it right now?
Oh.
How dare you?
Wait, I got the sign from over there.
Fuck this thing.
Who would defend the flu?
Like, oh, stop it.
Give it a chance.
The flu's all right.
Quit booing it.
Yeah, why you got to give flu all the...
What did flu ever do to you?
Made me sick.
But you guys are better now?
How long did it last?
Three weeks.
Jesus Christ.
That might be something else.
That's the 2012 flu
She seemed fine with him
Three weeks
It's awesome
So here's what we're gonna do
I do have one category loaded up
So we're gonna play
We're gonna play a very exciting
One round Leonard Maltin game
But
Hang on
Lame.
I know.
I'm going to yell at myself later
for not loading up the categories.
There are some good ones.
Somebody suggested
Hack That Ass Up.
Gene Hackman.
Which is slasher movies.
Or Gene Hackman.
That's a good idea for the next show.
Someone else suggested Octopussy.
That's movies with actresses over 80.
Yeah, this would have been a really fun...
Oh, shit.
This would have been a really fun game
if I had done it right.
But like I said, I do have one category,
so that's going to determine the winner today.
But in the meantime, that means we have time
for a round of Build a Title!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Like I said, we'll start with Dave Shumka.
Okay.
And nice timing.
Back when I was up in Canada hanging out with you in Vancouver,
there was an audience member named Littlest Lolo,
and she had suggested the Canadian smash hit,
Kids in the Hall, Brain Candy,
which I once called Eye Candy,
which would be a totally different thing.
So can you add anything to kids in the hall?
A movie that starts with candy.
Yeah.
Or ends with...
Most movies start with candy.
If you stop by the concession stand.
Or ends with kids.
Of course, you can't go with Larry Clark's kids.
Oh, brother.
Candy Man.
Yeah, Candy Man.
Candy Man.
If you say it three times, Beetlejuice appears.
Yeah.
All right, so now we go to BJ.
Candy Man with the iron fist.
Well done.
Bra and Vo.
Candy Man with the Iron Fist Footway.
Danny McBride movie.
Candy Man...
Hang on a second, hang on a second.
Nice try, Jeff Dye.
Did I answer too fast?
No, you answered too wrong because...
Yeah, it's plural.
It's not fists foot way.
Yes.
It's just the one fist.
It's fist foot way.
I just tugged them.
Well, that's...
I love excuses.
But it's...
Unfortunately, I have to stick to the letter of the law,
and it's man with the iron fists.
Oh. Yeah.
Sorry, Jeff.
It's all right.
It's good to be here.
What's the score?
What's the score?
It's still 7-0 and 35-35.
Oh, the other game started.
No, yeah, yeah, that's 7-0.
There's two more teams on the same field.
Green Bay's winning 7-0 against San Francisco 49ers.
Oh, okay.
And then it's 35-35 on the Baltimore
I have a cramp
You're giving Jay more time to think
What's the score?
What do you got Jay? Anything?
Fists of Fury
Bruce Lee
It's not the Fists of Fury?
No
I know it's not
It's not a Fists of Fury? Let's go with Fists of Fury? No, I know it's not the Fists of Fury. It's not a Fists of Fury?
Let's go with Fists of Fury.
Thank God.
I think it's Fists of Fury.
Come on, shut up!
Fuck!
Fists of Fury, Bruce Lee.
It's plural.
He's not one-armed in it.
It's a comedy.
We are back to Dave Shumka.
Fury, eh? Or kids.
Yeah, Fury something or something that ends in kids.
Okay, pass.
It's a great movie.
That movie was awesome.
I'd like to say Hall, pass.
Do you have anything, BJ?
I do. Spy Kids.
Spy Kids.
Awesome movie.
Okay, so we're skipping Jeff now, and we go to Jay.
And Jay, you have to add to Spy Kids in the Hall.
Okay, I was going to read the whole thing, but
it's
exciting that you have an answer.
Thank you for your
Now we have I Spy
Kids in the Hall Brain Candy
Man with the Iron Fists
of Fury. This is a good one.
Dave is out.
Back to BJ.
The King and I Spy.
And of course you can drop
the before King
Jay if you have something
that ends in King.
What was the title again?
King and I Spy Kids Jay, if you have something that ends in king. What was the title again? King
and I spy
kids in the hall.
Brain candy man
with the iron fists of fury.
Oh,
fuck.
It's offensive.
I could do without the potty mouth
in this game.
Please.
My album is called Potty Mouth.
It's still available on iTunes.
Three King.
Three King.
Three Kings and I?
That's what I was going for.
It's about a really weird
harem.
We're three kings with one lady.
No, the one with...
Yeah, thank you.
They're army.
They're in the army.
What do you mean?
What's happening?
The audience doesn't get to help you in any way.
No, that's what I was talking about.
They're in the desert.
They're military.
Three kings.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, and the movie's King and I,
not Kings and I. Well, we can do leeway. Which is what I've been talking about and I, not Kings and I.
Well, we can do Leeway.
Which is what I've been talking about.
I know, but come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
If I'm out, he's out.
But it's during the Gulf War.
By the way, the San Francisco 49ers have just tied it up 7-7.
People aren't as, they don't care as much about that game.
Some do, some do.
I hear you, brother.
Where's that guy going?
I'm so, oh, shush it.
Yeah, maybe Fisher King.
No, you already answered.
That is the worst.
He wins.
You already answered.
The way you repeat it like no one in the audience just yelled that out
You're just so willing
To cheat in a game with no stakes
It doesn't matter at all
It's for the love of the game, Doug
The love of the game
Hold on, I'll allow it
No!
BJ's fine with it Because he's looking up
That would be easy to add to Fisher King for sure
So you're officially out
Jay
But if you want to show off
And add to the title BJ
You can add one more
To the Fisher one or to the original one
We can go with Fisher King and I spy kids in the hall.
Oh, gosh.
Brain candy man with iron fists of fury.
All I got is like
beating Bobby Fisher.
Was that the name of that?
Searching for Bobby Fisher.
Searching for Bobby Fisher.
And spoiler alert,
they don't find him.
He's not in the movie at all.
It's about a kid.
It's about a kid
that's not even related to him.
It's a good movie, though.
He discovers the Bobby Fisher
within himself.
Right.
And he becomes a huge racist.
What chess players aren't.
Yeah, right?
They're already picking a side.
Fisher Unchained.
But we could have gone with
Big Fish Er King.
Yeah.
Big Fish, that's not the full title though, right?
Yeah, that's the same rule.
I feel like I got screwed now
if we're going to be this leeway.
It's not Big Fish's. It's Big Fish-er King.
But you added er. That changes it.
No, but Fisher is the next...
That's how this game works.
I don't...
You can do it that way?
I didn't change shit.
I want that flu shot.
It got out on one S.
Just one measly S.
I'm still mad at the lady who yelled that out.
Or weird dude.
I didn't see who it was.
I'm happy she did because if he said Scorpion,
I didn't know what to do.
Because I had nothing to go with Scorpion.
Scorpion King. Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah, and I don't have anything to go with Fury.
I'd go with Donnie Brisco-pian.
Okay, so that concludes with the fury. I'd go with Darnie Briscoe-er-pian. Okay, so
that concludes Bill the Title,
and I only
have one category
loaded up on Leonard Maltin, so
yelling out answers will really fuck up the game.
And we gotta keep the purity of it,
because somebody needs to go home
with this amazing prize bag,
and three other people need to
tell me shitheads to name.
There's no shithead written
on the back of the baguette,
so, Dave, this is yours to lose.
She brought up a little card.
Oh, she did?
I put it in my pocket. I remember now.
Is there a shithead
on the back of the flag, BJ?
Yes, there is
Best audience ever
You guys are the true 12th man
That's true
Or best selection by the panelists ever
We're the true 12th man
Yeah, that didn't get much applause
Not even from you four guys
Alright One exciting round of Leonard Maltin Yeah, that didn't get much applause. Not even from you four guys.
All right.
One exciting round of Leonard Baldwin.
Baltimore won the game against the Denver Broncos. Yes!
Wow.
Yeah!
I just won $75,000.
Yes!
How does that work, Jeff?
It's not the first to score in overtime,
then the other team gets it once.
No, first to score.
First to score.
Unless it's a field goal, motherfuckers.
Yeah, look at Doug.
I'm not as dumb as I look.
I like this.
I like this side of Doug.
Doug loves football.
Yeah.
Let's start a podcast.
Doug loves football and Jeff hates books.
That would be the worst show.
Doug loves football would just be me going,
I saw both versions of The Longest Yard.
Okay, so
start with you, Dave.
And I'm going to force a category on you
because it's the only one I've got.
Now an audience member
just decided to yell out
a category.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.
Movies where someone loses a finger.
Show them which finger.
There's been over four movies with that.
I didn't load up what I had planned to play.
How would you possibly think
that I'd be ready for that?
Yeah.
Another suggestion.
that yeah another suggestion I want to know what movie he's thinking of what movie does someone lose a finger four rooms oh that's right the Tarantino
segment they have the whole bed about cutting off a finger looper hangover to Looper, Hangover 2 Return of the King
Hangover 2 was already said sir
I mean Empire Strikes Back
There's that movie called Teeth
Empire Strikes Back, yeah, Finger with some other stuff
Alright, thanks for yelling that out
That was fun
No one else ever do that again not just this is for the
listeners not just for you guys because this people are gonna hear this
everywhere I go people are gonna yell out categories and I'm gonna fall into
their trap and say what movie I just saw something where somebody lost a finger and I was just like that guy is
taking it really well Oh Tucker and Dale versus evil yeah two dicks four fingers
Alan to dick loses he loses two fingers actually I think He's just sitting around later in the movie
Like yeah I have two less fingers
That's what you gotta expect
When you're fighting evil
Look at how I'm taking my pen
To my iPhone
Like you can just write on it
That is a high tech stylus
I really like that
I don't even need a pen
because it's winner-take-all right now.
We're going to do it.
All right.
Jay's standing up for this.
Go fucking around.
It's not even going to get to you. Relax.
The category, Dave.
Suggested by
at spliff2026.
Uh-huh.
If I were him,
I just would have called myself future spliff.
What do you think they'll be like?
Why pin yourself down to one year?
It's got an emergency spliff in a box
that says do not open until...
2026.
He suggested
show me the Monet.
Show me the Monet.
And that's movies
where Cuba Gooding Jr.
is friends with a painter.
Do not yell out.
More than one exists.
Believe it
or not, where
Cuba Gooding Jr.
is friendly with a painter. This lady
thought of at least one.
Don't yell it out.
And your year choices,
and this is also very bizarre.
Yes. I told you there's more than one movie.
Okay. But it's also amazing
that Cuba Gooding Jr. essentially shot
Back to back
Two movies
Where he is friends with a painter
Maybe because he had it down
After the first one
Maybe he felt like he didn't quite get there
And really wanted to nail it the next try
And your year choices are 1997 or 1998.
Ooh.
Ha.
Ha.
Ah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Okay.
All right.
I'll tell you guys what the other one was later.
The esteemed Leonard Maltin calls this movie from 1998,
where Cuba Gooding Jr. is friends with a painter, a bomb.
What?
He calls it off-putting gobbledygook.
He also says
it just doesn't work.
And he says
it's elaborate, in fact
over-elaborate.
Over-elaborate.
Not to be confused with
Overboard starring Kurt Russell and
Goldie Hawn.
Which people like for some reason.
I'm more of a Pirate Ron guy.
But Kurt Russell is the shit.
Kurt Russell is one of the best.
If you know him,
help me to get him on the show sometime.
I'm sure he'll be terrible at this game.
She's still clapping.
Jesus, I know.
That was a long-ass clap for...
Overtime.
Kurt Russell or overboard?
Both.
Kurt Russell.
Okay.
Wow, she clapped for a long time.
That's odd behavior for a normal-looking person.
Her boyfriend with the...
You kind of got the...
Not her boyfriend?
No, that's why...
Just sitting across the table?
Yeah, that's why the big clap for Kurt.
I get it.
Oh, you're trying to get up in that?
Why do the prisoners in Les Miserables,
when they're pulling the big boat into the harbor
and going, look down, look down.
Why, Hugh Jackman included,
are their heads completely shaved,
but they all have crazy beards?
Like, wouldn't they shave all of their hair off of their head?
That was huge then, in that era.
Completely bald, but crazy-ass beard.
I love that look.
I don't understand why you would do that to a
prisoner other than we're going to make you look
ridiculous. I guess they're easier to catch
that way because they didn't have uniforms.
So if they run, look for the guy with the stupid
haircut and
crazy beard and Hugh Jackman
cleaned his shit up and that's why for the rest of the movie
Javert has no idea who he is.
You look familiar to me.
I don't have a crazy beard, and I'm not shaved anymore.
Spoiler.
But later in the movie, you see he is shaved.
All right, guys.
So, Kurt Russell movies.
Let's do this.
Is it Soldier?
The answer is Computer War Tennis Shoes.
That's it.
Movies where Kurt Russell is friends.
This lady is right about Kurt Russell.
Fucking.
He's amazing in Grindhouse.
What's that half of the movie called?
Death Proof.
Death Proof.
He's amazing in Death Proof. Death Proof. He's amazing in Death Proof.
Death Proof should have been his
Pulp Fiction. It should have done for him
what Pulp Fiction did
for John Travolta.
Little China? Gotta love him that. Big Trouble Little
China? Come on. That's her movie.
That's her movie. Escape from
New York, Snake Plissken.
Of course.
John Carpenter's The Thing.
Fucking
Soldier. Miracle.
Miracle. He gives a good inspirational
speech. He's good in Soldier.
Circus Boy.
Soldier.
Soldier.
Thank you.
I didn't want to dwell on it because I'm not a fan,
but he's been in some great movies.
We're talking about him like he died.
Yeah, yeah.
We're going to miss you.
Instead, let's talk about somebody who did die,
Cuba Gooding Jr.
Yeah.
Oh.
He is in a motion picture that, as I said,
is off-putting gobbledygook,
and it's elaborate.
In fact, over-elaborate.
And Leonard lists
about... Let's go specific.
He lists eight names.
Doug, I can name that movie
in eight names.
That is a very smart
opening bit.
And which order did we go in
in the last game?
That's a very good question.
Yeah, right? Does anybody remember?
I think I was next in the last game.
In the last game, you were next.
Yeah, I was next.
So Jay's next then.
Oh, great.
Good work, poker mouth.
Fuck.
Because I know you're
Fucking just
Why do you tell the next person what they're going to do
Yeah yeah yeah
Is there no free will anymore
Or free willy
Is that a fat joke
Thank you
We could get a little kid in here and you could jump over him if you want
We'll get Michael Jackson to sing about it I hope I could could jump over him if you want.
We'll get Michael Jackson to sing about it.
I hope I could.
Go ahead. Make a bid.
Dave said eight. Dave took all eight names.
Seven. Yes, seven.
So Jeff,
what do you think of that?
I'll do six names.
See?
Dummy on the end.
You didn't know for sure what he was going to do.
I think you missed your calling as a motivational speaker.
But I have a good idea what BJ Shay's about to do.
I'm about to ask a question.
Please.
I want to win for my man,
so what are my options here?
Either five or make him
do it in six? Or go even lower.
Well, five would be lower than six.
Oh, yeah, I could do that, but that's...
Or go even lower. Will you stop
fucking with me?
With your shit that doesn't even make
sense?
That's, um...
No, I'm not going to go lower, but I'm going to...
So say, name that movie, Jeff Dye.
No, I want to do it in five.
I want to do it in five.
Oh, shit.
You know what?
This will go down as the day I couldn't even get people
to play the game
with any kind of strategy.
That's why I thought you were about to talk it through.
You know what?
I believe in you.
Name it in five.
Oh, shit.
All right, BJ Shay.
I don't know why
we've reached this point.
Yes.
Neither do I.
I think the only thing
I say backstage is,
the easiest way to win
is make someone else name it.
But here's your five names.
All right.
Lucinda Jenny.
Oh, yeah.
Warner Herzog.
He was beautiful.
Who just appeared recently with Fingers Missing and Jack Reacher.
Oh, yeah.
Holy fuck.
Matt Salinger.
Oh. Rosalind Chow.
And the great Max von Sydow.
Or Sydow.
I've never known for sure how you pronounce it.
I think it's Sydow.
Sydow?
Okay.
He was incredibly obnoxious and super nearby.
He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for that.
Any idea?
Oh, if I did, I wouldn't have
actually said I'd name it in fine.
Cuba, well, those could have
helped you, maybe, those names.
I thought I totally
screwed this up.
Boy, I have
no idea. And I know
it's not Yellow Tails.
Yeah, because that would be Red Tails.
Which is why I know it's not that, sir.
You guys are making a person who's stoned
and now legal to smoke weed, Washington.
You're turning him into the smartest
guy on stage.
Congratulations.
I'm slowly beginning to understand that I probably should have passed the ball
to Jeff.
You should have made Jeff name it.
Who wouldn't sit next to me and make me
name the movie?
Who would sit next to Big J
and not make him name it?
It's kind of a domino effect
of things that should have happened.
He used that psychology on me.
He was like, I know what you're going to do.
I really thought you had it.
It worked.
I really thought Jeff had it.
That's why I took this shot.
Was I wrong about that?
You were way wrong.
I don't know.
I was going to have him name it an eight,
but I know you would have snapped at me
again.
I'm so out of line when I do that.
Well, congratulations to everybody. I
have no idea. Congratulations to everybody.
Everybody else but you. Sorry. Let's just hear it
for ourselves. Where's the clapping lady?
Kurt Russell.
The remaining names, of course,
are Annabella Sciorra,
Cuba Gooding Jr., and Robin Williams.
And it took place in heaven or some shit.
And it was called What Dreams May Come.
I do know that movie.
What Dreams May Come.
The Green Bay Packers scored.
It's 14-7.
So Dave Shumka's our winner. Yeah. The Green Bay Packers scored. It's 14 to 7. Oh, shit.
So Dave Shumka's our winner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well done.
So I don't need that posted anymore.
And also the person that you meant,
her name is Jessica,
or no, Kate Capshaw.
Kate Capshaw.
That's who she meant.
She wrote the broad from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
The blonde broad.
She's pretty annoying in that movie.
She was married to Steven Spielberg at the time.
Still is.
But I love that movie.
Because, you know, I love any movie where somebody says,
Okie dokie, Dr. Jones.
Hang on to your potatoes.
Idaho.
Okay, so
give me the name tags
with the shitheads on the back, gentlemen,
and I will read those as a consolation prize.
You can do Josh's last.
Why? Because it's a good one.
Oh, okay. And come get your prize
and bread. Yeah, come get
your prize bag and your bread. Hey, okay. And come get your prize and bread. Yeah, come get your prize bag and your bread. Hey, Molly.
What was the other
thing? Oh, yeah. Thank you for asking.
Yellowtail. We're out of time.
You did it, Molly You did it, Molly
Molly is one of my favorite names
I'm never going to have a child
But if I do
Look out world, it's a boy named Molly
I like Jamarcus I do. Look out, world. It's a boy named Molly.
I like Jamarcus.
The D's silent.
Oh my god, you guys have the most
complicated shitheads.
Speaking of complicated shitheads,
Jay, is there anything
you'd like
to plug?
Anything I want to plug?
Yeah, what would you like to plug, buddy?
Hollings Worthless Podcast.
Yeah, check it out, everybody.
Thanks, guys.
Jeff Dye, two shows here tonight.
Two shows tonight.
Two tickets are available for $10.30 if you want to come by.
It's going to be a hoot.
And then also season two of Money from Strangers airs in February.
So watch that.
It's ornery.
Why didn't they get Ornery Adams to host it?
Because that's not his name.
Because that would be the worst show ever.
and they get Henry Adams to host it.
Because that's not his name.
That'd be the worst show ever.
BJ Shea Experience
weekdays on KISW.
Yeah, thank you.
Also,
if I could,
for all people
who just love geeky stuff,
our podcast,
BJ Shea's Geek Nation,
which you can just,
it's on iTunes.
And for all you geeks out there,
it's like a morning show
for geeks, really.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just,
all you do is shit
on the Hobbit.
And Yellowtail will be extensively speaking about that.
Dave Shumka.
Stop podcasting yourself at MaximumFun.org.
That sounds like an email address.
Just go to MaximumFun.org.
Okay.
And get it.
And check out that podcast.
And thanks for coming down from up north to be here today.
My pleasure.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks to everybody.
Let's hear it for everybody.
Yeah.
And thank you to Parler Live and to all the folks that came to Bellevue from wherever you came from.
Seattle, Tacoma.
Kent.
Kent.
Spokane, Spokane.
Yeah, nice.
Very well done.
And as always,
I don't even know which ones to read first
because I have no idea
what's going to get the biggest reaction
out of all of these, but I'm going to take the biggest reaction out of all of these but I'm
going to take a guess.
First of all, this one is in three parts.
As always,
one, the
Wainaaachi Comedy Festival
is
two, at Alex Andre
Whaley and three, at
M. Johnny 3
is the shithead. It's a complicated shithead 2, at Alex Andre Whaley, and 3, at M Johnny 3,
is a shithead.
It's a complicated shithead on the back of an Amber Alert poster.
I'll pass that back down to him.
And
Lee Owen and Michael Irvin is a shithead.
That's true.
And I'll do it in my best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.
It's not a tumor.
The Atlanta Falcons is a shithead.
Now it's time to duck to watch another talk. The Atlanta Falcons is the shithead.