Doug Loves Movies - Jeff Garlin, Paul Scheer, and Riki Lindhome Guest
Episode Date: January 11, 2014Live from the Downtown Independent Theater in L.A., Doug welcomes Jeff Garlin, Paul Scheer, and Riki Lindhome for a Tournament of Championships ep of the show.See Privacy Policy at https://ar...t19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everybody, it's Doug Benson with just a quick heads up.
The sound is kind of terrible on this episode,
but I figured you'd rather hear it than not hear it, so enjoy. And he won't see another movie Hey everybody
They're like, she has to get up there and make a lot of announcements
Or not, they didn't say a lot of announcements, but some sort of announcement.
And the announcement was, welcome to Riot Fest, here's Douglas' movies, start the theme song in the middle.
Oh.
Oh, boy.
It's exciting.
it's exciting I think a lot of people that listen to this podcast
think that I run everything
and that's why shit like that happens
but you guys are here
you saw that had nothing to do with me
I'm just a victim
of my own choices
I got something to read to you guys right here.
Let's see what this says.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug on Movies.
Okay, pretty good, pretty good.
Coming to you from the Downtown Independent Movie Theater
during Riot Fest LA on Saturday, January 11, 2014.
We're off.
Yeah. Fest LA on Saturday, January 11, 2014, Rolf! Yeah!
It's my first time setting foot
in this theater at all, and it's
about time, because it seems like a cool
place, and they have
a really interesting schedule. They show
a lot of independent stuff
and documentaries, and they'll show
a couple different movies in the same day.
And it's just one big theater.
It's 260 seats, I'm told.
So thank you guys for filling it up.
I hope you guys brought name tags.
Of course, the front row is all name tags.
So let's give props to all of them.
We've got Pete's Dragon, so I assume your name is Pete.
Elliot.
Elliot? Okay.
I guess you couldn't find an E.T. poster.
This face-off poster with Doug
and Nick is very scary.
It's kind of like a before
and after if the after
picture was sadder than the before
picture. I was
watching something today for acne
and people having bad acne
and then the product cleared it up.
When they have the bad acne, are they
always frowning? And then what's better, why do they have
a giant smile on their face? Maybe
their smile would win me over even
when they have acne.
I should try it sometime.
Everybody has it.
Stefan-tastic, Mr. Fox?
Stefan? Okay.
Hustle and Flo?
Your name is Flo?
Mo. Hustle and Mo.
Okay, I get it now.
Nightmare on Elm Street.
What did you change it to?
Mikemare.
Oh, okay.
I'm going to have a Mikemare when I go to sleep tonight.
And Kari?
It's Kari, of course it is, because it's the movie Kari,
but you spell it K-A-R-I,
and that's you covered in blood making things catch on fire?
Nice.
And you have cupcakes in your lap.
Because that was the one downfall of Carrie
in both versions,
is that she couldn't bake.
She could make shit fly around
and exact revenge on her stupid classmates,
but if she'd just give him a cupcake,
things might have been different.
And then I don't even know what's going on
with this one over here.
Johnny Depp was in a movie called, oh, okay, it's Ed Wood, but you change it to Hamad Wood.
And put your face in there.
Yeah!
Just hold it up so everyone can see that one.
Yeah!
Well, great job, Farwell.
And those three people in the faraway were slacked out. Oh, you got a little one.
Oh, and you got a framed one. Alright.
I take it back. I apologize. It's just that one
guy.
He's got a Dodgers hat on. That's kind of a
name tag.
Prize bag.
Let's get into the prize bag. I don't know why I'm
taking so long. We're already running late.
So I should just get with this.
This amazing book by Seth Olenek,
a photographer called Funny Business.
It's huge and it's heavy,
and it's got a bunch of comedians in it,
most of whom are friends of mine
who have been on this show,
and the three guests that are here tonight
have all signed their pictures in it.
Oh, I forgot to sign my picture in it, though,
so I have to do that.
Also, two of the guests tonight
want you to have their VIP badges
and want you to just enjoy
the rest of the festival as them.
I brought a Douglas Mooney's T-shirt,
and we got some CDs,
and oh, also,
I threw in a couple of drink tickets
because I, of course,
am celebrating Sober January,
and so I'm not going to use those. So a couple of drink tickets because I, of course, am celebrating Sober January, and so I'm not going to use
those. So a couple of drink tickets.
But also, did everybody
was everybody handed a random ticket when you came in
this evening? Our friends
at Squarespace want to buy each and every one of you
a cocktail tonight.
Here.
Or whatever they sell here. Do they sell cocktails
here?
Wine and beer! We want you to have a wine or beer cocktail
from Squarespace, so you can go get those
in the lobby, and as long as you don't all go at once,
you can get them at any time,
starting now.
Everybody leaves.
But yeah, if you're particularly parched, please go get one
right now. I won't feel bad about it.
Oh, I already mentioned the Douglas Moves t-shirt. Alright, let's get them right now. I won't feel bad about it. Oh, I already mentioned the Douglas movies t-shirt.
All right, let's get them out here.
Today is a Tournament of Championships episode.
Very hard to work out the booking on these things.
There's lots of people who are qualified,
and they're all great players and comedians and personalities.
But the three that we get to play with today
are as follows.
Give a big, warm, Riot Fest welcome
to Ricky Lindholm, Paul Scheer, and Jeff Garlin!
Oh, and there's a Douglas Movies lighter that somebody made.
It's in the bag.
It's not like Ricky Lindholm to milk applause like that.
I'm sorry.
But I want to just find out what's going on here in the front row.
What are you taking notes, sir?
What are you writing down?
I think what happened is he may have not yet written down his shithead on the back,
and he just decided to now that he's seen the three guests.
So I'm worried about who he's going to have some sort of vendetta against.
But that was Paul Schiller, ladies and gentlemen. Paul Schiller is here.
Star of every
cable television show
of a half hour or shorter.
I have a new show
on NetGeo. It's just me hanging out
with baby tigers, just
doing improv with them. It's real fun.
It's like edgy, but it's cool. It's cute.
I love it already.
And Ricky Lindholm is here, you guys.
Hi, Doug.
Hello.
She brought, she of course has a partner
named Kate McHugh, who also has been on the show.
And they are Garfunkel and Oates together.
And Kate McHche made an original
drawing for you guys, for somebody
today. It's very cute.
Her things are so cute. And it says, Martin loved
his new wife, and they're holding each other.
And then it says, but he missed his old wife's
boobs. And then
it's a picture of him with his old wife just going to
town on
one of her giant titties.
This is the cutest giant titty picture I've ever seen.
I love it.
Thank Kate for that.
I still got to sign that book.
Jeff Garland is here, you guys.
It really is
very exciting.
Season
8 of the Curb Your Enthusiasm.
That's the last season we did.
Yeah.
And is it done done?
I have no idea.
Done done.
Is it on order?
I'm available.
Whenever Larry calls me, I have no idea.
Now, who's this Larry you speak of?
Larry Budman.
When he calls you from beyond and says,
it's time for another season.
Why would it sound like that?
Ricky also brought copies of two
Garfunkel and Oates classics signed by both
of the ladies.
It's a terrific prize bag for somebody
here tonight.
I didn't sign the Curb Your Enthusiasm
one because I really want my signature
to maintain its value.
If I don't sign shit, it's really a lot more.
I'm talking like a weird slam of that season or something.
No, that season was pretty good.
No, it was good. It was good.
The York season. You can never top season two when a young Doug Benson appeared
and strangled Larry David.
Great episode.
That was a fun one,
but now people see it
and they make fun of how not young I am.
How young?
Well, your hair was longer back then.
Since I did it.
Yeah, and I think it was one of my few
no facial hair appearances on television.
Because someone told me
before I went into audition
that Larry David doesn't like facial hair.
Did I tell you that? Did I actually tell you that? I don't like facial hair. Did I tell you that?
Did I actually tell you that?
I don't know if it was you
or somebody else,
but somebody mentioned it.
Who else do you know?
What other pal do you have?
I talked to Cheryl Hines
on occasion.
Okay, all right, yeah.
But like Larry has that personality
that you can be like,
Larry does not like facial hair.
And be like, oh shit,
I gotta shave that off.
Yeah.
Is that true? Does he not like facial hair? I don't know. It might not even be true, but Larry does not like facial hair. And be like, oh shit, I've got to shave that off. Yeah. Is that true? Does he not
like facial hair? I don't know. It might not
even be true, but I'm not going to fuck around.
I wanted to be on that show.
And it was a fun effect. I had to shave
twice. Actually, to be honest, it's all
based on what somebody's playing.
If their character calls for facial
hair, then he's pro-facial hair. So he's not
against it as a general rule. No.
He's not the Yankees.
Well, it was
before I even auditioned, so
anyway,
my picture in this book is on page
74, so I'm going to sign
right up. But while I do that,
why don't you guys pick a name tag from
the audience of who you'd like to play for today.
There's lots of good ones.
People in the front row obviously have been in line
for a while, so they made the most effort.
But you know, sometimes somebody in the back deserves a,
someone in the back deserves a chance.
Hey Wayne, Wayne Fetterman's gonna go towards the back
and pick somebody for me.
Oh, Wayne Fetterman is here everybody.
Just hanging out. I got cayenne and cinnamon. Whoever you want. Oh, Wayne Fiddleman is here, everybody. Just hanging out.
Whoever you want up there, Wayne.
I wish there was a piano here.
We could have Wayne.
I like people in the back.
Put Wayne at the piano.
Fuck you in the front.
Is your lovely wife here yet, Jeff?
I don't know.
Marla, you here yet?
Marla?
No, she is not here yet.
Hey, I do like this peach dragon. Marla, are you here yet? Marla? No, she is not here yet. I do like this peach dragon.
Because his name is Elliot.
Well, you know, he's a big
Howlin' Ready fan.
Okay.
All right, okay.
Hey, let me ask you a quick question while we're waiting for Marla.
Okay, yeah, sure.
So, during the month of January, you don't drink,
but do you smoke pot?
Yeah.
Eh, you're such an idiot.
Well, but how many...
I don't know what the fuck you're thinking.
Alcohol is a real problem.
I thought it was October.
They're both fucked up, but they're both wonderful and should be legal, so I dig that, but you do too much.
Sober October makes more sense.
Yeah, wait, I thought it was in October, November that you did this.
It's a different month every year, but maybe after doing do it in January just to get it out of the way.
I don't really...
I'm regretting it right now.
Here you are.
Because I could have a beer or wine cocktail.
Wayne really picked the person who did the least amount of work.
Yes, no doubt. Unequivocally.
I don't care. They're in the back. I want them.
Hi, Jeff. So could you hold it up and describe to the listeners what it is?
It's a guarding
Jess.
I don't know who the
Jess is. Is that from
Arrested Development? Jessica Walter?
I don't know who that is. Is it a guy?
Oh, it's instead of guarding Tess.
Guarding Jess. Who's Jess?
She's Jess. Oh, she's
Jess.
Yeah. And Tess? She's Jess. Oh, she's Jess. Yeah.
And you look like this?
That's unsettling.
I don't know. Maybe it works out in person.
I don't get it, but whatever.
And I don't know why there's a second page.
Maybe it's a shithead written. It's like, you know my favorite thing is, they printed it on their printer.
You know that second page
what comes out
with the littlest bit of information on top?
I should include that
so they know
it's my guarding just JPEG
from 1-11-14 at 6-11 p.m.
Who are you playing for, Paul?
I got Hustle and Moe
and she won me over
because she had glasses that lit up
even though her poster does not light up. She wore glasses. She kept the glasses. Yeah. Moe, and she won me over because she had glasses that lit up. Even though her poster does not
light up, she wore glasses. She kept the glasses.
Moe kept the glasses.
Moe put herself on here, and the poster has a lot
of reviews. And she's in the front row, so
really hard work on your part. Yeah, really hard work.
Front row.
Who are you playing for,
Ricky? I had to go Hamed Wood.
Yeah, it's too good.
I love it.
Let me get a I love it.
May I also add,
again, she went to the front row.
Could even go to the second or third row.
What the fuck's wrong with the two of you?
I've had it. I quit.
He also gave us cupcakes.
I thought they... I'm a diabetic.
I am.
I don't eat sugar.
I haven't had it in over five years.
But I'm going on six, actually.'t had it in over five years wow
but
I'm going on six actually
I mean it is six years
I don't know
but it's a long time
Goldbergs
I just wanted to say that
at the end of the vine
when I was looking at you
like did we
do that
are you from a vine
you're from a vine
I'm a vine
of all the name tags
and uh
and you're
that you're here
and people love it
and of course
Riot Fest is gonna take some pictures yeah this is a highly publicized event of all the name tags that you're here and people love it. And of course,
Riot Fest is going to take some pictures.
Yeah, this is a highly
publicized event.
Oh, by the way,
you've got a nice crowd.
It's a great crowd.
No, no, no.
I'm not saying in terms
of their quality,
but I'm talking about...
No, you are a good
crowd.
But in terms of...
There's a lot of people
here, man.
Sheer size.
It's a lot of people.
Yeah, it's a nice turnout.
I would take that lightly. Nobody comes to my shit.
There's people.
I don't know.
If you didn't say come see my shit, then maybe they...
Or if Will Ferrell on the panel,
everybody comes if I said it's just Jeff Garlin
ate.
A conversation with Jeff Garlin and
it's just you.
But that one I just did from the studio
because I knew
no one would show.
Oh, okay.
So I think there's
empty seats for you guys
standing on the sides there
if you want to
squeeze in and grab them
but if you're
standing on the sides
because you're like
I'm not going to
commit to this.
We'll see how this goes.
Do you know when
you don't commit
that's what happens?
Your voice goes up.
I don't want to
go sit down.
But if you're committed, you're like,
where's my seat?
Tell me to sit.
Tell me in. I want to sit.
Are you sure? Oh, maybe.
Let's play the runner ball game.
Tournament of Championships.
Oh, boy.
The winner today will be going head-to-head
in the Tournament of Championships finals number four.
So if I win today, I have to come back?
You're committed to more of this shit.
It's how I get Jon Hamm to come back.
Yeah, the Tournament of Champions never ends.
Is there ever a clear winner?
Yeah, there was a super Tournament of Championships,
and Jon Hamm won that.
But now we're racing towards someday
there's going to be a super-duper Tournament of Championships.
I think that Jon Hamm should put out a Leonard Maltin-type book
of his reviews, because he seems to know them
almost in a way that's like Rain Man-esque.
He's quite good.
But you guys have all had good polls.
That's why you're here today.
Because at some point, you named a movie in negative names.
That's where you named the movie and the top-billed people in the movie.
You remember that, Jeff, when you did that?
Nope.
Don't remember it at all.
I told you that out of a fucking clue.
But I'm happy to be here because I love you, Doug Benson.
Well, I'm happy to have you here.
But he doesn't return my love. Do you hear that? He's happy to have me here, but he can't
say the words, I love you too, Jeff Garland.
Let's see how this goes. You can win back my love.
By the way, all the people I really like here, so that's nice.
I try to give everybody a heads up, like, this is who you're
going to be on with. No, no, no.
I'm good.
But these guys are
particularly nice.
They're great.
But you're two of the nicest people going.
You really are.
We're going to give you plenty of time to talk today, Jeff.
Paul Scheer is one of my favorite
comedic
performers there is on earth.
Look at that. Jeff, you're the best.
Yeah, so there you go.
He's great. He's a great guy, too.
Because, you know, some people are dicks.
Some people are dicks, and you're not.
You should have another.
Have you ever done
Doug Loves Movies with someone that you
do not like? Ooh.
Yes.
Ooh.
I mean, not that he dislikes them.
He just, it's difficult to participate with them.
No, no, no.
I love those two.
Oh, okay.
I don't know what you're talking about. This is juicy.
Who's been on with you that you didn't like?
I don't know.
To me, it would be, I would be the most frightened to be at your wrath.
Like if you were coming after someone, forget it.
They would be destroyed.
They would be destroyed.
I am that powerful a comedian.
I can destroy anyone, but I'm filled with kindness and love.
And just to rub it in, you would destroy them with the Adam West voice.
No, I wouldn't.
in, you would destroy them with the Adam West voice.
No, I wouldn't.
It appears
to me,
Commissioner Gordon, that the
Riddler and the
Catwoman
have
escaped.
Did you ever see when Adam
West, he did like a softcore porno
with Lady Chatterley's Lover or something like that?
He also did one of the Happy Hooker Goes to Washington or something.
What he did, look, I needed to work.
You cannot stop a man from working.
First, start the thing, go.
Okay, I was just...
Did you hear how we talked at the same time?
You read my mind.
First player with five points wins and advances
to the next level. Super duper.
No, it'll just be regular.
We'll see. How many rounds before
super duper round? It's going to be a while.
Don't get yourself
excited about that. Get to the top of that mountain. It's going to be quite competitive, Don't get yourself excited about that. Get to the top of that mountain.
It's going to be quite competitive.
Sam Levine is still always in the hunt.
Kate Micucci, too.
She's good.
She's good at this.
Yeah, yeah.
But also, I should mention that if we run out of time,
because this does take a little while to get to five points,
if we run out of time,
whoever is in the lead at 6 o'clock p.m. Pacific Standard Time
will be decreed the winner.
Well, I'm planning on winning at 5.45.
I will be out of here.
Unless there's a time.
Okay, so we're going to call it at 5.45.
Whoever's in the lead at 5.45
is going to be the winner.
I love that. We've got 45 minutes.
Is it really already 5 o'clock?
Good luck, everybody.
Yeah, we started late.
Go, go, go.
They showed that thing with Ron Lynch laughing.
Let's go.
Go.
Let's go.
Let's just get going.
I loved it.
Let's do this.
All right, Jeff.
Let's go.
Paul Scheer qualified the longest to go, so he's going to get to go first.
All right.
Then we will move to Jeff and then Ricky,
and we change the order each round.
Here we go.
Paul gets to pick a category.
Would you like, as suggested by
at hasty infection...
I'm already going to say no.
...on Twitter.
Hasty infection suggested getting Doug, which is a play on one of my other podcasts, infection on Twitter.
Hates infection suggested Getting Doug, which is a play on
one of my other podcasts.
This is movies that
have the word high in the title.
Movies with high in the
title. Matt Picasso
on Twitter suggested, you're the dog now
man.
That is movies where a person
turns into an animal.
At Rich Ridland and that is movies where a person turns into an animal. And
at Rich Ridland suggested
Downtown Abbey
and that's a movie where a woman
gets oral sex.
She does not have to be named Abbey.
Okay, I'm going to go
Downtown Abbey. That is where I going to go Downtown Abbey.
That is where I would have gone,
my friend.
All right.
A woman gets oral sex
in this movie from 2011.
Leonard Mullen gives it
two stars.
I don't agree with that at all.
I'd go much higher.
I really enjoy this movie.
He says it's about
a listless person.
You know, listless?
Not that this person doesn't have any lists.
Probably got plenty of things he or she wants to do.
Predictable story.
And...
He compares it to another movie
and says he wishes it had the playful tone
of that other movie.
Negative one. Oh, grandma's balls of that other movie. Negative one.
Oh, grandma's balls on that one.
Yeah, Jeff.
So it comes to you next.
What do you think about that?
You can go more negative names if you think you know the movie.
I have no idea.
So you're going to just have to ask him to name it and hope he's got the wrong idea.
Paul, name that movie.
Okay. And the top billed Paul, name that movie. Okay.
And the top-billed performer in it.
Ben Stiller.
And it's called?
Oh, now I'm going to say Green Bomb,
but that's not right.
It's no.
Oh, fuck me.
Wait.
It's a...
Oh, wait.
No, Bomb back-directed it.
Ben Stiller.
It is called...
Not Green Bomb.
Is there a
time thing on this? Shit!
There is, but this is hilarious. I know.
But I get the point, so
let's just move it along.
I'll give you about three seconds.
Greenberg? Greenberg!
What?
It's Greenberg, right? Greenberg? Yeah, right?
God, he said the other one so many times
that I don't even recognize. He said Greenberg. I don't even recognize Greenberg anymore. He Greenberg? Yeah, right? God, he said the other one so many times that I don't even recognize.
Oh, he said Greenberg.
I don't even recognize Greenberg anymore.
He did it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's surprising to me you don't remember
because I know when I was watching that movie,
the whole thing, I was like,
oh, Greenberg.
How can you?
But Jeff Garland gets the point
because the movie is called The Sitter
and it stars Jonah Hill.
What?
No! No? No!
No!
Yeah.
This thing went down fast.
Wow.
Wow.
They wish it was like Adventures in Babysitting?
What's the thing he wishes it was like?
He wishes it had the playful tone
of Adventures in Babysitting,
which no one has ever said about anything ever. And by the way, when was the last time tone of Adventures in Babysitting, which no one has ever said about anything ever.
And by the way, when was the last time you saw Adventures in Babysitting?
Piece of shit.
Yeah, it probably doesn't hold up, but I like it.
No, I mean, I like the Thor thing, what have you, but no.
Elizabeth Shue did the Thor thing.
The first thing I was going to say was the Thor thing.
I love the Thor thing.
The Thor thing was adorable.
Yeah, that was funny.
And everyone was looking at that Playboy magazine. That was the Thor thing. The Thor thing was adorable. Yeah, that was funny. And everyone was looking at that Playboy magazine.
That was the big thing.
Everyone was having to page through in the 80s.
Yeah.
All right.
Bye, guys.
See you later.
Greenberg.
Now we start with Ricky.
Yes.
And then we'll go to Jeff.
So be ready, Jeff.
Okay. At Brian Just Band,
whatever that means, suggested
Walter Mitty, and that
is movies where Walter Matthau
wears mittens.
That's awesome.
At Deep Freeze,
freeze spelled F-R-E--s-e suggests there's something about dairy
and that is movies where someone is seen milking a cow
and at nw trout suggested the notorious big and that's movies that have the word big in the title? I'm going to go with the milking cow one.
Okay.
What was that?
Someone milks a cow in this movie
from 1976.
Oh, great.
Three stars from Leonard Maltin.
He calls this movie a nutty blend.
And...
You know, Leonard may have thought
he was in a Starbucks
oh and he says that it has a
sometimes it has a jarring switch from comedy
to violence
jarring
three stars
and he lists
ten whole names.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
I can do that movie in ten names.
J.F.?
I'll go nine.
Paul?
Ricky?
Name that movie.
Bring it.
Competitive.
Greenberg.
Here we go.
That counts as one.
What was your guess instead of Greenberg?
Greenbaum.
Greenbaum.
I was combining them so close.
Fred Willard was in this movie.
Richard Kiel.
Clifton James.
Scatman Crothers.
Ray Walston. Ned Beatty,
Patrick McGuhan,
and this one could tip it,
out of ten names, Richard Pryor.
Okay.
Oh, I know it.
Somebody milks a cow.
Is it...
Okay, Richard Pryor. he milks a cow. Is it... Okay.
Richard Pryor.
I'm going to say
is it Bustin' Loose?
Why would he need
third build in the movie?
That would be a good question.
It's around Richard Pryor.
No, it's a movie
I actually enjoy quite a bit.
The top two names are Jill Kleberg and Gene Wilder, the great Gene Wilder. No, it's a movie I actually enjoy quite a bit. The top two names are Jill Kleberg
and Gene Wilder, the great Gene Wilder.
Oh, Tito of Century?
Silver Streak.
So Ricky gets the point, everybody.
I don't remember the famous
milking the cow scene from Silver Streak.
Who kills the ship? Let's move on.
I got dinner plans.
He gets thrown off the plane. A lady in a farm
says she'll give him a ride to catch up to
the train on the next thing.
And it's got
trains and planes and automobiles.
Move it along.
Jeff is almost
halfway there. Yeah, we have
Roughly there. It's one.
Oh, no.
I thought you had the sitter, too. Yeah, but if time runs out, you are tied for the lead I thought you got the sitter too
yeah but if time runs out you are tied for the lead
did you get the sitter?
yeah but I got the last one
yeah you're the only one
you're the only pointless one Paul
it's better to be pointless
than pantsless
Ricky
Jeff you get to pick the category
okay let's go, Daddy-O.
And then we're going to go to Ricky. Okay.
At Internet Mayor
suggested
two-timing bitch.
And that's dog movies
that have a sequel.
Okay.
Alright.
Celebrating a birthday today, the opposite
of a dog, a very beautiful, talented actress
named, called Amanda Peet.
It's Amanda Peet's birthday.
You ever work with her, Jeff?
No, she, no.
And your third choice from at, from at.
I have an Amanda Peet story,
but I'm not going to tell it.
Okay.
Just put it this way.
She annoyed me.
Oh, all right.
She was lovely.
Actually, I've met her
numerous times and she's been
very lovely and annoying.
One night, she pissed me off, but
she doesn't even know she did.
Alright, so go ahead.
And
at ServCrow, S-E-R-V
Crow, suggested the
Kurt Locker, and that's
Kurt Russell movies that Leonard called a bomb.
Oh, man, that's good
eating. Keep going.
There's an extra clue with that one.
There are only three
in Kurt Russell's career.
Oh, okay.
Okay, go ahead.
Those are your options.
Dark sequels, Amanda Peet
or Kurt Russell bombs.
Kurt Russell bombs.
Fuck Amanda Peete, or Kurt Russell bombs? Kurt Russell bombs. All right, here we go.
Fuck Amanda Peete.
I didn't know that was a suggestion.
I thought you were just wishing her a happy birthday.
A happy birthday to her.
I don't even think about her until her name's brought up,
and then it brings back a bad experience.
Brings up a bad experience.
Jeff Garlin, keeping it moving.
That's my next podcast.
It's just me interrupting myself.
1974 or 2001 are two of the three years
in which Kurt Russell bombs were released,
according to Leonard Maltin.
But which one of those would you like of those two?
74 or 2001?
1974.
Whoa.
Leonard calls it a bomb.
He says that this movie...
God, it's a weird review.
This is for me, by the way?
You get to bid first.
I just have to God, it's a weird review. This is for me, by the way? Yeah. Okay, go ahead. You get to bid first. Okay.
Yeah.
I just have to...
The only thing that says in this review,
I'm just going to have to say it and see what happens,
but he says that the lead character in this movie
competes with his daughter's fiancé
in effort to prove future son-in-law worthy.
That's all he wrote. He doesn't say if it's good or bad i mean he called him he's so disgusted with me he's not going to say anything more about
it i'm just going to describe it and just run from the typewriter and uh he lists nine names
so how many names you think you can get it in Jeff I'll go for eight all
right goes to me who challenged the who last time Ricky challenge so it's Ricky
name that movie okay how many names does he get? Eight Out of nine?
Yeah
Alright, I don't think you're going to get it
By the way, I know obviously
Kurt Russell's the young guy competing with the dad
And it didn't sound familiar
So I think I'm fucked
But let's go
It's fun just to hear the names
Ed Begley Jr.
Bruno Kirby
Ben performing under Bgley Jr. Okay. Bruno Kirby.
Oh.
Ben performing under B. Kirby Jr.
Okay.
Joe B. Baker was in this.
No.
Dick Van Patten.
Kathleen Cody.
Joe Flynn,
the great Joe Flynn.
It's too late.
Barbara Rush.
And Kurt Russell.
So there's some
people who are
in the shoes.
Oh, that's a very good guess.
But this one was with Bob Crane
and it was called Super Dad.
Super Dad.
I would have never gotten that.
Ricky has two points, everybody.
But I remember seeing it vividly,
which nauseates me that I couldn't think of Super Dad.
Paul gets to go first and then we'll go to Ricky.
At Snitty on Twitter suggested Pineapple Express,
which is movies where someone throws fruit.
At MeBeTommyBe suggested Gutenfree,
Gutenfree, which is Steve Guttenberg sequels
that do not have Steve Guttenberg in them.
And it brought back a classic as suggested by
at MC Anna
on Twitter, Ice Ice
Baby, and that's the films of
Ice-T, Ice Cube, or Jennifer Grey.
So really it's mostly Ice Cube movies
is what you're saying.
They all worked.
Is it my choice?
Yes, you get to pick one.
I'll pick the middle one, the Guten-Free.
Okay.
Would you like a movie that did not
have Steven Guttenberg in it
even though he was in previous films
from
let's see 1994 1989 or 1988 I'm going to say 89. Okay.
They better all not be Police Academy.
Leonard calls this a bomb.
He says those wacky cops are back.
And he says this one is for those who thought
Police Academy 5 was robbed at Oscar time.
I can name that movie.
You have to name the full title, of course.
Why? Why?
Okay, I'm going to just go for it and say
Police Academy.
Wait, you're going to bid?
Oh.
I'm sorry, I didn't tell you how many names there are.
There's 10, 12 names.
Oh, then I...
I mean, still, if you say 12 names,
I think I know what's going to happen.
Yeah, me too. But I'll say 12 names I think I know what's going to happen yeah me too
but I'll say 12 names
Ricky
name that movie
that is fucked up
she gets to say name that movie
not my fault
the last time she got to say that
fuck
it's where the chips land
Jeff
I know the chips land, Jeff.
I know, the chips will kiss my ass.
Go ahead.
There's a luck element to this game.
Hold on, my wife's calling.
You're not here yet, Marla?
She's here.
You're calling?
Are you calling to tell me to move it along?
Hold on, I may not have to.
It's the person I'm having dinner with. Yeah, what's going on?
Hey, is it still 6 or is it 6.30 now?
7, make it 7.
7.15.
7.22.
No, I'll see you at 6.30.
Good, thanks.
Bye, bye, bye.
How far away is it?
I'm good until 6 now.
I'm not in a rush.
Yes!
So there you go.
Now I've got to try.
All right.
You were trying.
Go ahead.
So yeah, your 12 names are all the people
that are in a bunch of Police Academy movies.
I want to hear it.
And it's Police Academy 6.
So what was the...
Hey, but give me those names.
Give me the rest of the title.
Because if it's the Russian one,
it might be the Mission to Moscow.
So if it's the Miami one,
it might be that.
So I can pull it in.
Okay.
It's all the same people,
but maybe you'll...
But maybe there'll be one Russian name
or something.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, I agree with you.
You deserve to hear the names.
It'd be funny if one of the names
is like Miami Jim.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Garrett Graham.
Kenneth Mars.
George Gaines.
G.W. Bailey.
Bruce Mahler.
Matt McCoy.
Lance Kinney.
Marion Ramsey.
Those first two are the only ones that are in every one of these movies.
Leslie Easterbrook.
Michael Ainslow, David Graff, and Bubba Smith. Police Academy 6, back in training. ones that aren't in every one of these movies okay leslie easterbrook okay michael david graff and
bubba smith please get me six back in training training like number two or something that's
citizens on patrol oh okay by the way i love that you said back in training what if i told you it
was worth coming down to hear you say that for a police academy?
Does anybody know what it really is?
Mission Miami.
No.
I don't think there was ever one called Mission Miami.
It was Mission Moscow, I believe.
City Under Siege is correct, you lady.
Wow.
What a big lady.
I'm going to put up on your cell phone.
I'm going to shut you down.
No phones allowed.
All right.
All right, so Ricky,
everyone go back and join me.
I can take the time to look.
No, you can't.
Keep going.
Ricky's got three points.
Jeff has one.
And Paul has yet to get on the board. But I've taken some valiant swings here, people.
Yes, you have.
You really have.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
He most certainly has, and you've gained my respect.
Thank you.
Jeff gets to pick a category, and then we'll go to Ricky.
Okay.
Hi, Ricky.
Hi.
At Fart Cancer suggested...
Ricky. Hi. At Fart Cancer suggested
Fart Cancer
suggested whistleblowers
and that's movies that have a lifeguard
in them. Alright.
Or GK Miller
15 suggested Honey Boo Boo.
You gotta really think about this one.
Honey
Boo Boo.
Jessica Alba movies that Leonard Mullen calls a bum.
There's a lot of those, and I don't pay attention.
Keep going.
And at the Dr. Baker suggested,
Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good.
And that's movies where Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd,
or Harold Ramus have sex
i will take boston makes me feel good or whatever the that is and it's i will hardly take
that but i must say that the sex is implied because i don't think you ever see any of those
guys actually getting it off in the movie right right right right uh two and a half stars for
this one from you didn't see ackroyra get a blowjob from a ghost, though.
Yeah.
You saw it.
It was like taking his belt off,
and then he made a face like,
this is working out for me.
But wouldn't it just be like a strong breeze on your dick?
I mean, could they really get anything going
that would yield pleasant results?
Slimer is able to eat hot dogs,
so who knows.
Yeah, it's hard to figure them out.
Two and a half stars from Leonard for this movie from 1981.
He says
that it's
got brief
appearances by Joe Flaherty and Dave
Thomas. That's always exciting.
And he also says
this movie is
eminently forgettable.
He has most movies
with those two guys.
I love those guys. I can't even remember
what Dave Thomas does in it, but anyway.
Ten names.
Wow.
1981.
One of those
fellas gets some sex.
I'll say
four names.
That's a strong opening bid,
Ricky. Name that movie.
I mean, come on.
I can't do it unless.
Seriously.
We already know a couple of them, right?
Here's your four names.
Bill Paxton,
Timothy Busfield,
Judge Reinhold,
and John Larroquette.
Stripes.
That's correct.
Wow.
Those are some good names.
Those are some hearty names.
But I don't think Dave Thomas is in it.
Joe Flaherty has an appearance as a guard at a gate between Poland and...
Right, yeah.
And the guy with him isn't Dave Thomas.
Dave Thomas is the guy who's the host of the mud wrestling.
The host of the mud wrestling?
Yes!
Oh, wow!
That's correct, sir.
Very good.
Very impressive.
Very good.
I was looking at something else in that scene,
but good for you.
But you have to know...
It's not...
John Candy's ass, right, ladies?
But that's literally a movie I've seen maybe 25 times.
And I have it on Blu-ray.
That's all I'm saying.
All right, so what the fuck?
Yeah, it's...
Nicky, don't fuck with me in early 80s Bill Murray.
I don't like this two and a half stars from Leonard.
That eminently forgettable.
Wait, yeah, eminently forgettable.
But in the world of Leonard Maltin,
it's eminently forgettable.
All right, I guess.
All right, please, let Leonard have his world.
And the world of you and I, young comedians, making our way.
One of the best.
One of the best.
Highly rememberable.
Rememberable.
It changed the spatula for me forever.
Most definitely.
So great.
With PJ Nutsack.
Yeah, go ahead.
Souls. At? Who challenged who there? forever. Most definitely. With PJ Nutsack. Yeah, go ahead. Solve.
Who challenged who there?
Jeff got challenged by Ricky.
We're going to start with Paul and then go to Ricky.
Paul, would you
like the idea
czar suggested
King Lear
and that's movies where someone is spying
on naked people.
Or
I.M. Mac Douglas
suggested New Year's Heave
and that of course is movies
that are not for emetophobes.
In other words, there's a lot of
vomiting.
A lot of vomiting.
Or Ivan M. Cohen suggested
Duck Dynasty and that's movies with a
duck or Joan Collins these are really obscure I'm gonna take care of this is
you know this is the tournament of championships believe me I know. I came to play. Well, this is your chance to get on the board.
All right.
Your options are 78.
Is that right? 78?
Sure.
81 again, or 84?
84.
All right.
It would have been fun if you picked 81,
because it was stripes again.
And I would have read the exact
same clues
because John
Lear
leers at women
in the showers
through his binoculars
but this movie
this movie
has more
leering
at naked women
it has two stars
84 is the year
he says about
this movie
not bad as these movie, not bad.
As these things go,
not bad.
But it's really helped by the two
leads who are very likable.
And he lists
13
names. How many names
can you get in, Paul? You got to get on the board.
12.
I have a strong suspicion on this one.
Oh, okay. Eleven.
She says eleven, Jeff.
Seven.
Name that movie.
Oh.
Oh.
Somebody tried to get a slow collab going.
Not yet, not yet.
If it were Brubaker, then that would be funny.
It's not Brubaker.
I don't think there was anybody
leering at Whitman and Brubaker.
Brubaker, no.
But the slow clap,
that was the most famous slow clap
that I can remember.
Do you think when they're doing
one of those MSNBC prison documentaries,
that the prisoners in that prison,
there's less rape while the cameras are there?
I would think you want to show off.
I think you want to get on camera
and show off what you got.
It just never seems to happen on that show, and I watch
it like seven, eight, ten hours at a time.
Your seven names, Jeff,
are James
Cromwell, Bernie Casey, John Goodman, Matt Salinger, Ted McGinley, Michelle Myrick, and Julia Montgomery.
And there's naked women being looked at.
It's not bad as these things go.
And the two leads are likable.
Of course, you didn't hear their names.
I do think I know.
Oh, could you keep up the two names?
Oh, fuck.
I thought it was from the...
Oh, fuck it.
What year is this?
I don't know what he thought.
The year is 1984.
Hmm.
Did you see how Paul Scherer's not shouting
about how he's going to count down from three?
No, I don't know.
Can I take a guess at it?
Yes, please.
Revenge of the Nerds?
That's correct.
And yet you still have nothing.
I have nothing.
And Ricky has four points.
Who challenged him?
Oh, you challenged him. Okay, Paul gets it. Paul gets it. I Ricky has four points. Who challenged him? Oh, you challenged him.
Okay, Paul gets it.
Paul gets it.
I apologize.
I apologize.
I would...
Who were the two names?
And I don't apologize
to put your hands together.
I imagine it's Anthony...
Because this show
won't be over.
Anthony Edwards
and Carradine.
By 8 o'clock.
Yeah.
On Tuesday.
What's that, Jeff?
Anthony Edwards
and what's his name?
Carradine?
Robert Carradine, yes.
Both hilarious. And I think they Both hilarious. I don't remember
John Goodman in that movie, but whatever.
He was like the mean football coach, I think.
Oh, okay.
It's a very funny movie. They're going to show it
during SF Sketch Fest, and I have
a lot of the cast there to talk about it.
Sounds like a night to be there.
I want to be there. I want to be there.
If I'm sorry, I'm not.
I'd fly up to San Francisco otherwise if I wasn't a star of a show.
Wouldn't that stop me from doing anything?
I can't.
I can't.
I'm the star of a show.
I can't come by. I'm sorry.
Normally I'd come to your...
ABC will not let me come out to your barbecue.
That is awesome.
Alright, we start with you, Paul, and then we go to Ricky.
And you get to pick between...
I brought it back because we found another one.
Radio Flyer.
Movies where Cuba Gooding Jr. flies.
I had one that was a mistake.
He doesn't fly in Red Tails.
So the corrections department
was all over my ass.
But we did find another one
where he really does fly.
And At Affable Mouth
suggests My Heart Will Go On.
And that's movies where Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't die.
My heart will go on.
And I'll tell you, doing the research, that fucker dies a lot.
I think Sean Bean is the only other actor that dies more in movies.
And at Artie underscore CA suggests I love movies,
and that is movies that have love in the title.
Yeah.
I thought I'd put that in
because Valentine's Day is coming up.
Great, I'm going to take the DiCaprio one.
All right.
He doesn't die in one of these movies.
One from
1993?
Okay. Wait. Let me make
sure on this. It's so hard
to read this shit sometimes. 93
or 98?
93 or 98.
I'm going to take...
Okay. I'm going to take...
Wait. What just happened?
Jeff just... Did you just show him something on your phone?
He didn't pull up anything.
He didn't pull up...
Just pretended to show you something,
and then you said, oh, okay.
I'll take 94.
He should have showed you,
it's time to mess up traffic in Fort Lee.
We're tired of
hearing about it. Is that what that reaction
was?
Which one did you pick, Paul?
I picked 1993.
Two and a half stars from Leonard Moulton
for this movie where Leonardo DiCaprio
now I must say to the best of my memory doesn't die because it's from Two and a half stars from Leonard Moulton for this movie where Leonardo DiCaprio,
now I must say, to the best of my memory, doesn't die.
Because it's from 1993.
Leonard calls this movie middling, which we already got from his two and a half star rating. Okay.
He also says it has some poignant vignettes and first rate performances.
And he lists
11 names.
One name.
Finally.
Zero names.
Negative. Oh, sorry.
Negative means I just have to come up with it?
And the names.
You have to go negative two names
to outbid Ricky, and you'd have to name
the top two performers in this movie.
Negative one name.
She said zero?
Okay, Paul said one, she said zero, so you have to go negative one.
So you need to name the top person
and the title of the film.
If you can't do it, you'll just have to say
Ricky, name it.
What happens if I try and I don't get it?
You don't get it. There is no try.
Well, then I can also...
Okay, so I'll say negative one.
Okay, so then we go to Paul.
Fuck, I'm going to say negative two.
He says negative two.
I'm going to say negative three.
What?
Name that mountain, whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say.
Johnny Depp,
Juliette Lewis, Leonardo DiCaprio, What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
I might have been totally wrong.
Not totally wrong, but
you got the order wrong.
The movie's correct. Johnny Depp,
Leonardo, and then Juliette Lewis.
Damn it!
You even had Juliette Lewis. I'm very impressed.
I think we had Julia Lewis.
Yeah, so Jeff gets another point.
Man.
Did I hear it?
That was so close.
I'm so bummed.
I really, really half-assed boo.
Boo!
Boo!
Boo!
All right.
I still feel good about that.
I feel like I really tried hard on that one.
Thank you.
Yeah.
That was exciting.
You got sheared on that one. You went hard for it. You didn't get it. I swung for really tried hard on that one. Thank you. I was excited. You got sheared on that one.
You went hard for it.
I swung for the fences.
Who says game shows are dead?
As long as you're just sitting around a table, it's fine.
I feel like I'm
disappointing your listeners by not talking.
Guys, what show are you going to? What show is starting
that you all are leaving?
I love that cool wave that the woman
at the end did. I won't even look are leaving. I love that cool wave that the woman at the end did, like,
I don't even look towards you, I'm just,
I'm a badass and I'm leaving
in my leather jacket.
Fuck her. It's a festival.
It's a festival.
No, no, she didn't go fuck herself.
You know, that was Amanda Peete.
There's multiple... You know what I'm talking about,
right? There's other shows
to go see and things to do.
They're going to see the Full House reunion.
I would
get up and leave right now
if I was going to miss it.
Only Dave Couillet
committed. Everybody else
said, we're not going.
Alright, let's go.
He's a nice guy, though, right? He is a nice guy.
He's actually a nice guy, yeah.
Actually, everybody who did that show, very nice go. He's a nice guy, though, right? He is a nice guy. He's actually a nice guy, yeah. Yeah, there you go.
Actually, everybody who did that show,
very nice people.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
So Jeff got the point,
and he made Ricky name it,
so we'll start with Paul and then go to Jeff.
And Paul gets to pick.
Between at Sather87 suggested expired milk,
and that's movies where Sean Penn dies.
Yeah, very bad.
At Clint O'Hare suggested Forest Fires,
and that's movies where Tom Hanks shoots someone.
And at Squid Eye, Squid Eye suggested A Perfect Storm.
And that's movies, Halle Berry movies that Leonard Maltin gave four stars.
Perfect, perfect storm.
All right, I'm going to take perfect.
J.K., Halle Berry's never gotten a four star rating from Leonard Maltin.
I was excited about that category.
I looked it up.
It hasn't happened.
What?
I thought you were sure Monsters Ball.
I've been fucking Monsters Ball, man.
How?
Not the call?
Leonard is not...
Catwoman?
Not Catwoman.
None of it, man.
Not Cloud Atlas.
Poor Halle Berry.
All right, so it's between...
So you get a third category.
Okay.
At Scott Darcher suggested
Kareem Abdul Jafar.
And that's Disney sports movies.
Alright, I'm going to take Disney sports movies.
Alright.
I thought you guys learned some lessons
from picking Disney movies earlier,
but super dad.
These ones are from 92 or 93?
Ooh.
I will take 92.
Fair enough.
Two stars from Leonard.
He calls this movie harmless.
So many movies will reach out
and fucking slap you.
This one did nothing to Leonard.
No such thing.
At one point,
he starts to describe the plot
and he just goes, guess what happens next?
It's a cranky day for Leonard.
And it was followed by some sequels
and he lists nine names.
How many names?
I can name it in...
Zero names.
Who did I say we were going to next?
Me.
Oh no, Jeff?
Sorry.
Jeff.
What do I give a shit? Name it.
He could get it wrong.
I worked for you once before. it. He could get it wrong. I worked for you once before.
He did, in fact, get it wrong.
I worked for Jeff again.
Is it Mighty Ducks?
It's Mighty Ducks, yeah.
I couldn't think of the lead of Mighty Ducks.
Amelia West of us.
So, Jeff has four points.
You're one away from having to appear
on another episode of this show.
My wife is like going,
get it wrong, you fucker.
Get it wrong.
Are there a lot of Air Buds sequels?
Tons.
Oh my God, you don't even know.
I don't.
Yeah, there was Ground Bud.
There was...
Remember when the dog hockey team played?
The Mighty Buds?
Air Bud literally becomes a baseball player
and won.
He goes from basketball to baseball.
Yeah, because he's a big Michael Jordan fan.
What?
Same thing.
But there's a scene where
he's like a third baseman,
and they throw the ball into the dog's mouth, and he catches it.
And I just thought, how many times did kids throw a hard baseball at their dog,
and the dog did not catch it?
That was a bad Disney choice.
You're Paul Scheer.
Hi, Jeff, Jeff, Paul.
I love you, Paul.
Ricky's going first.
Yep.
Then it goes to Jeff.
So this could, Ricky, you got to keep this thing alive.
All right, all right.
You know what to do.
You know what to do.
All right, let's go.
It's all about strategy.
All right, let's go.
You got until six, buddy.
No, I'm fine.
I just want to go.
No, I don't want to go.
I mean, let's just go.
I don't want to go.
I don't want to go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go.
Let's just go. Let's just go. Let's I mean, let's just go. Let's have something else you want to talk about.
Let me see your...
Wait, I get to decide?
Jason says out for the night.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right, go ahead.
I've already forgotten what I said we were going to do.
Who's going first?
Me.
Ricky, okay.
Then it goes to Jeff.
Ricky, would you like at Peckowitz,
P-E-K-O-W-I-T-Z,
suggested Scott Beowulf.
And that's movies with
Scott Beow or werewolves.
Okay.
At Bumble,
at Bumble suggested Tacklebox.
And that's a movie
where a woman plays football.
Tacklebox, and that's a movie where a woman plays football.
And this next one, I like their name better than their suggestion,
so I'm going to say it in the other order to get the bigger laugh.
The suggestion is there will be bloods,
and it's movies that have gangs in them.
But it was suggested by filthy underscore fetus.
I'm going to go with tackle box because that made me laugh.
By the way, that means that filthy fetus was taken.
That he needed to underscore.
Underscore. God damn it.
There's a previous filthy fetus.
Alright, Willman plays football.
Two stars from Mr. Martin
for this one from 2008.
He calls it
a routine inspirational drama,
and he puts the word
inspirational in quotes
to be extra mean about it.
And he says,
one of the actors
gets their best screen outing
in a while
and he lists
ten names.
What's this category again?
A woman plays football.
Which narrows it down
to a very few movies
as it turns out.
I thought it was so many.
Of women playing football?
Yeah.
In what year? Sorry.
2008.
2008, got it. Sorry. It might have been a part of a spate of Of women playing football? Yeah. In what year? Sorry. 2008. 2008.
Got it.
Sorry.
It might have been a part of a spate of those women playing football movies.
Don't they always do it to be charming during Christmas?
There was a lot of...
Women always pretend that in those movies.
They're always like, I'm so fun and free.
Sandra Bullock was in a football movie, but she didn't play.
Right.
I mean, this could be recreational football, though, too.
They don't have to play professional football.
Yeah.
Like Wedding Crashers, they all play football. A woman plays football, so she could be five football though too right this is a right like this could be they don't have to play professional football yeah like wedding crashers they all play football a woman
plays football so she could be five years old all right uh lady girl i don't know
anyway how many names how many names sorry i think there are 10 okay 10
name that movie oh god wow and this is for the championship
you could be at dinner early tonight
you could have a drink
I do not know sports drama
so I could be out of luck
I doubt it
if it was a romantic comedy with a woman being charming at Christmas
I would get it
but why would she play football
because she's so free
it's Christmas let's play football that's the part I can't wrap my head around because she's so pretty it's Christmas let's play football
she's like one of the guys
in Wedding Crash
she doesn't take herself seriously
she looks pretty without makeup
she's a tomboy
she's effervescent
and effortless
could my wife
just wait for me
right over there
like honey
just go by the corner
right here
cause when this is over
I'm just going there.
I'm being totally serious.
It's right over there.
Jeff, if you win tonight, you're going to have to play against
Matt Myra. Do you know him? You like him, right?
I don't know who that is.
He's great. And Ken Jennings?
Do you know who that is?
Again, no fucking clue.
He is the biggest Jeopardy! champion
of all time.
Like I said, I have no fucking clue. The idea that I would know the name of the biggest Jeopardy champion of all time. Like I said, I have no fucking clue.
The idea that I would know the name of the biggest Jeopardy champ of all time
would be frightening to me.
You know, I have actually bicycled in my underwear
by the Jeopardy stage.
Because we film on the lot.
You've got a story about everything.
I do.
I've ridden on my bike
in my, not my underwear,
tighty-whities,
going by the Alex Trebek
Jeopardy sign, so he watches me go.
Alright, go ahead. Let's go.
Let's go. Ten names. The sign watched you?
I felt like it.
Yes, Keep going.
He's got one of those giant eyepieces
like in the old horror movies.
So all the names.
Can you imagine that?
But it's his whole head in one of the eyes.
Ricky, I'm hoping you get this.
I'm thinking of a title.
Okay.
That's the answer.
By the way, Ricky, I'm hoping you get this too.
You don't want to go through this hell again.
No. But I really enjoy the people that are here. You don't want to go through this hell again. No.
But I really enjoy the people that are here.
I don't know sports, so we'll see.
All right.
You get all ten names.
Okay.
Go ahead.
This has got a female playing football.
It's a routine inspirational drama.
And he also said that one of the performers gets their best screen outing in a while.
And your ten names are...
Malcolm Goodwin, Michael Collier, Jill Marie Jones, Garrett Morris, Glenn Plummer, Matt Craven, Dash Myhock, Tasha Smith,
Kiki Palmer,
and Ice Cube.
Oh my god.
And then the end of the review is just
Leonard Malt giving you the finger.
I can only think of one Ice Cube movie.
Are we there yet?
I'll see you later.
Jeff Giles on Wynonna.
What is it?
Wish me luck getting him back for the next round.
Bye.
What was the movie?
Enjoy your dinner, Jeff.
We're going to talk about you I really want to know
it's called The Long Shots
The Long Shots
and this is going to blow your mind
directed by Fred Durst
oh my god
that is amazing
I didn't think it was so bad
I mean it's true it's a good part for Ice-T he teaches the girl how to play That is amazing. I didn't think it was so bad.
I mean, it's true.
It's a good part for Ice-T.
He teaches the girl how to play.
There's this girl that he knows.
He teaches her how to play,
and then they get her on the team.
See, I didn't think it would be actually a girl on a team. It's kind of like Ladybugs, but different, right?
Yeah, same thing, but different stuff.
Kicking and screaming.
Airbud.
That's not a good example.
This really took a hit today.
This tournament champion.
That was a rough outing for you.
I feel like we tried really hard, Paul.
I feel like both of us lost, but we really tried.
You guys did a great job.
We had strategies.
We tried very, very hard.
Of the three guests today, you're two of my favorites.
I dare say
you are my two favorites.
How many people think those people left because they were tired of
Jeff?
Just one.
He's a
polarizing guest when he's on.
But you can count on him to do that
thing that he just did. Leave early?
Leave early, complain the whole time,
tell me to keep it moving,
take phone calls.
He did win, though.
He does do all of that.
But he showed up on time. There have been some episodes
where he has not shown up on time.
He doesn't time the traffic
very well. That's probably why he's in such a hurry
to get out of here for a 6.30 dinner.
Still 45 minutes
away. I use the
Waze app, and it has the Kevin Hart feature now.
It's like, turn right.
Does it really?
Turn left.
I can't see.
Hold me up so I can see.
Take me out of your ashtray so I can look at you.
Put some phone books on my feet so I can touch the brakes.
Wait, now you're driving the car?
GPS?
Yeah, just sit back
and relax.
I'm still looking at my phone
like the game's going to keep going.
Should we play another game?
Can I have one of those cupcakes?
I really am starving.
I was so hoping against that ending.
I wanted either of you two to win.
So did we.
Because you'd be easier to rebook for the next level.
And you'd be excited to play
with Matt Meyer and Ken Jennings.
Who are they?
Who are those miscreants?
I'm having a good cupcake.
Oh.
Can I have one of those cupcakes?
No, sir.
Well, Jeff, I thought you took off.
But yeah, if you want to have a cupcake.
I love them so much, those cupcakes.
I'm not only going to be mad that I'm stealing my dinner.
I'll try one of these, too.
I'm a diabetic.
I'm a diabetic. I feel like popcorn has sugar.
Doesn't it?
Only if you put it on it, will you know?
I've got no popcorn.
Where's the sugar?
Like corn sugar.
Like corn makes sugar.
I only put stevia on my popcorn.
I like a sweet.
Yeah, isn't sugar made of corn or something?
I always go to the movie theater
with this one fact in mind.
The most unhealthy snack at the movie theater
is popcorn.
I think that every time and then I get a medium popcorn.
I feel terrible about it every single time I get it.
It's the best one.
You think a medium popcorn is worse for you than a hot dog or a pizza?
They always say it's the worst because I think it's just, it's not good.
Corn is not, like, popped corn is not good for your system.
But it's only a medium whole thing.
And there was, like, butter and salt.
It's like you're just taking terrible
and you're putting
more terrible on top of it.
At least the hot dog,
there's some,
like there's something in there.
Protein.
Yeah, that's,
there's been debate
about what's in the hot dogs too.
I feel like they say that
because no one would eat
a whole bucket of it though.
Yeah, you're right.
Like you just eat,
I don't know.
Now I put it in the tray.
I put some peanut M&Ms in there, mix it around
that tray. It's real good.
That's some messy shit. Because that shit
does melt in your popcorn. Not in your hands,
but in your popcorn.
That's why it's so weird that it's from the slogan.
I don't think they say that anymore.
Yeah, they must have gotten called on it a lot.
It's a weird bragging thing when it does melt on your hand.
I don't know.
It is. Since we have a couple minutes, let's play the Seth Rogen game. What your hand. I don't know. It is. Since we have a couple minutes, let's play
the Seth Rogen game.
What's that? I don't know.
A.K.A. Last Man Stanton.
I don't know if either of you
have played this before, but I'm going to play along.
I almost always do.
Even if Jeff were here, I'd play.
We'd play four-way.
Basically, the idea is we get the
name of an actor, actress, or director
with a large body of work that we haven't done this game with before.
So if you guys are trying to think of names.
And then we take turns.
We'll start with Ricky and go to Paul and then to me.
We take turns naming movies the person was involved with
until when it's your turn you can't think of a movie,
then you're out.
Okay.
Yeah.
And sometimes it goes really far,
because it's sometimes like,
I think the last one we did was Clint Eastwood,
and we probably named about 40 films before somebody crapped out.
There's some more people leaving.
Are you worried Jeff's going to come back?
Honey, let's get out of here.
I don't know what's going to happen
with that Jeff guy.
There's probably also people here,
applaud if you are sampling
like you've never listened to
Douglass movies
and this is your first experience with it.
That's crazy.
Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
Yeah, because this must have made
so little sense to you.
What the fuck is that stoner doing?
It's almost like they just tuned into the reunion
of the housewives of Beverly Hills.
They didn't watch the series.
No, you did.
What are their relationships to each other?
Who's pulled whose hair?
So, everybody loved the Pete's Dragon,
Elliot poster,
so let's let you pick a person for us to play with.
I'm going to say Tim Burton.
Tim Burton. Have we done Tim Burton before?
Alright.
It feels like we have, but
I'm always willing to revisit
Tim Burton. How many do you think there even
are? Maybe like 20?
20-ish? Well, there's this one.
Does a producer count?
There you go.
I'm Ed Wood. Alright, where do we start? Do I start take the obvious one. I'm Ed Wood.
All right, where do we start?
Do I start?
Ricky went first, and she said Ed Wood.
All right, I'll say Frankenweenie.
Oh, nice.
I'll go Big Fish.
I don't give a shit.
It's a Broadway show.
I never got around to seeing it.
Did he do Edward Scissorhands?
Was that him?
No, Ricky, that's not how this game works. You don't. Edward Scissorhands. Did he do Edward Scissorhands? Was that him? No, Ricky, that's not how this game works.
Edward Scissorhands.
Help me. I don't know.
Edward Scissorhands. The audience is not allowed to help.
Okay. Alice in Wonderland.
Correct.
Dark Shadows.
I think I might be out.
Give me ten seconds.
We got to reboot.
This is it.
He's done smooth.
He's tough.
I mean, he's not tough, but he's so limited.
Oh, did he do?
Wait, I'm just going to guess one.
I won't say that.
Beetlejuice?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
This is going to be like this.
This one seems weird.
It's going to be like this every round.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Yes.
Batman.
And I'm out.
I don't know. Wait a minute. Think about it again. You came up'm out. I don't know. Wait,
think about it again.
I just said Batman.
Alright. That's a really good clue.
Oh, did he do two?
Is there a Batman 2?
Batman 2?
She's out. She's out, Doug.
Wait, is there a Batman 2?
She's out. She's out.
Batman 2. No, wrong.
Batman Returns.
That's correct.
Batman 3?
Batman Returns
is what we're going to go with.
I'm going to go with Pee-wee's Big Adventure.
This is getting good now.
It's exciting.
I am going to go
with...
Oh, wow. This is now I'm kind of really...
See, it's hard.
Well, at this point it is, yeah.
After you got Batman 2 out of the way?
It's any movie.
It just turned around hard corner.
Well, I mean, I was going to say the Superman movie,
but that never got off the ground.
So to speak alright let's see
oh this is exciting
I'm trying to think of one too buddy
we might both
crap out right here everybody's excited
oh I got one I got one
it's harder when you're up
I'm gonna win
wait wait wait unless you say the one I'm going to win. Wait, wait, wait.
I'm going to win.
Unless you say the one I'm thinking of.
Holy shit, stop thinking of it.
Should we give them a clock?
Keep it in, keep it in.
No, no, no.
Three, two, one. Oh, man, you gave me a clock.
Well, I want to do like the Batman 2.
All right, so.
Oh, wait.
Damn it.
Nothing.
I got it.
I'm out.
No, they say.
Because I'm going to say Planet of the Apes.
And what did we miss?
Oh, man. Those are good.
Oh, Sweeney Todd.
I really like Sweeney Todd, too.
I can't believe I didn't think of that one.
It's a lot of pressure up here, you guys.
We just go blank.
Nightmare Before Christmas.
That was my bad.
Yeah, Nightmare Before Christmas is another favorite.
I went on the ride at
Hardin Mansion where they switch
it all over. But they switch it over
kind of gradually. So the first few years
it was just kind of slapped on. But now
it's really elaborate.
I like it a lot.
Can we do one more?
Oh yeah.
A little bit more time.
We got nine minutes. Let's do our plugs. Jeff Garlin is going to be, you can catch him more of these? I still missed okay. Oh yeah. We've got a little bit more time right? This one for real.
We've got nine minutes let's do our plugs.
Jeff Garlin's gonna be
you can catch him
if you're inside his ass
and Paul Scheer
what do you got coming up?
Just while I listen
to How Did This Get Made
on Earwolf.
Thank you.
Ricky?
Garfunkel and Ocho
this July on IFC.
That's the next thing I've got.
That's full time.
I have nothing until then.
That's it.
What?
Are you hanging out until then?
No, I wish.
I'm going back to work
right after this.
Oh, that's right.
You're putting it together.
Thank you for taking the time.
Thank you to both of you guys
for being here.
For not saying I don't want to come when you heard that jeff was going to be here no he was uh he was a delight as always
he loves tj and pete i tried to get him because the first time he was on with tj and pete at one
point it came out that I was holding the worst most
the most obnoxious guest episode
and Jeff went so why am I on
and he
was sincere like he was like why am I on
with these guys and I'm like you'll see
it's really
good we tried to get him back but I had
to replace him with Bert Kreischer
because Jeff was busy but I knew
that he would be happy to step
up and compete. But I still think Pete
always wins. Pete is a very
domineering character.
He's in it to win it. He's very
present. Yeah, and he's really sweet and
interactive on his own TV show.
He comes on my show to act like
an asshole.
Douglas,
for all of my
dates, who do you want to get
the next one from, you guys?
I want to do it from this woman in the back with this amazing thing
that you know here.
What does it say?
It says Kate on a hot tin roof.
It's an amazing thing.
It's an elaborate. Thank you for putting it down
so the people behind you can see.
So Kate on a hot tin roof. She had a little
what was that, like a dollhouse that you put a
tin roof on? Whorehouse?
Birdhouse. A birdhouse.
A birdhouse is a whorehouse in England.
A birdhouse is a whorehouse in England.
It's not. I made that up.
So do you have an actor or actress
or director you'd like us to play this game with?
Julia Roberts.
Julia Roberts.
Holy moly, this is a crazy one.
Sweet Jesus.
Here we go.
You want to go say Mortar again?
Sure.
All right, Ricky.
Pretty Woman.
Was she?
Paul. Erin Brockovich. Was she? Paul?
Aaron Brockovich.
Oh, good one.
Aaron Brock.
I'm going to go Mystic Pizza.
August Osage County.
Oh, from today's headlines.
My best friend's wedding.
My best friend's wedding my best friend's
wedding
stepmom
runaway bride
he just took mine
I'll get back
damn it
Julie Roberts
American sweetheart. She's been in there. Oh, America's Sweetheart.
I was like, you took mine.
That was weird.
Ocean's 11.
Ocean's 11.
Ocean's 12.
Ocean's 13. Ocean's 12. Ocean's 13.
She's so in that, isn't she?
Yeah, she has that cameo where she plays herself.
No, that was 12.
But she's in 13.
Not at all?
Not even for a second?
Not even a picture?
Well, I had another one ready to go.
Oh, sure you did, but you're out.
Oh, come on.
You were talking to me.
You said a wrong one, and they stomped you for it.
But I'm looking it up, because I swear to God.
Or maybe I'm thinking of Al Pacino.
I guess they broke up by that point.
I had a
good one in the... I should have went with
the one I had locked in.
What was it?
You're still playing, sir.
It's your turn, Doug.
You're a weird lady.
I'm looking right now.
I'm looking.
No Julia Roberts, according to Leonard. I'm looking at IM. I'm looking. No Julia Roberts, according to Leonard.
Wait a second.
I'm looking at IMDB.
I'm making sure.
Are you looking up Julia Roberts on IMDB?
No, no, no.
Ocean's 13.
Don't show anybody.
You're out.
I know.
I know.
I got a good one ready to go.
No, you're finished.
Got a real good one.
Sleeping.
Sleeping with the enemy.
Oh, I meant Armin Weitzman is in Ocean's 13.
Steel Magnolias!
Oh, nice!
Steely Mags.
You know my favorite. Hook.
Eat, Pray, Love.
Oh, nice!
Pull on the Eat, Pray, Love.
But then I come right back at you with
the Notting Hill.
What are we going to do with that?
Now I need to mull it over.
Yeah, mull that shit.
We've got so many good ones.
Oh, Julia Roberts.
What was that name of that one she was in
where she was over there?
She was, like, charming, and she smiled.
She did that thing.
What's the one where she laughed?
Where she, oh.
Oh. Oh. You got anything?
Give me eight more seconds.
Eight seconds.
Seven.
Six. I'm trying to picture her with straight hair
because I know she had a phase.
I don't know what the movies were.
And she had like a...
I'm out.
I guess you're right about her not being in Ocean's 13.
Not only is she right about that,
I'm the winner,
and it's almost sad to win with this title,
Lowry Crown.
Can I just give you the one that I wanted to say?
Please.
Pelican Brief.
Oh, I love that.
That would have been a good winner.
And Mirror Mirror.
Fuck you guys.
I was trying to have fun with that Ocean's 13.
It wasn't what I was thinking.
Thank you for that suggestion.
And thank you for staying for the extra stuff, you guys.
We had a blast.
I hope you had a good time.
Enjoy the rest of Riot Fest.
Paul Shearer.
Ricky Lindholm. Yeah, pass me your shitheads. Do you have a shithead on the back of there?. Paul Shearer. Ricky Lindholm.
Yeah, pass me your shitheads.
Do you have a shithead on the back of there?
I'm sure you do.
These guys are professional.
Great job, you guys.
We'll see you Tuesday.
I've got a lot of great guests lined up for Tuesday over at UCB.
And as always, Shane Carruth is a shithead.
Thank you for that.
I'm sure he's a nice guy.
I just don't understand what's happening in his movies.
And you guys probably aren't familiar with this,
but the audience is going to react.
The Whistling Banes are a shithead.
How did I know that?
Here, let me get a picture with just the two of you.