Doug Loves Movies - Jesse Case, "Mark Wahlberg" and Ngaio Bealum guest
Episode Date: August 28, 2016Live from Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville, Doug welcomes Jesse Case, "Mark Wahlberg" and Ngaio Bealum to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Noti...ce at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds.
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth, There's still not one that he won't see
Those Douglas movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
I still feel bad for whoever has to sit right there.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you once again from Zadies in Nashville, Tennessee.
There's a lot of city names where when you say it They go, which state?
But I don't think there's a Nashville anywhere but here
Which really makes my job easier
It's Saturday
Great, I always like to know early on who's going to cheer for anything.
It's the day of the week. Yeah!
I'm alive!
August 27, 2016 at 420-ish.
I'm so excited for everybody who got here early because you have name tags and donuts and you want to be up close
because you dodged some really fucking brutal rain out there.
And those of you who just arrived in the last half hour,
you're all wet, right?
Because why would you carry around an umbrella in Nashville?
That seems stupid.
Even though when it does rain, it's hard.
Anyway.
I just have to say it.
Hard Rain is one of my favorite movies.
Christian Slater should have been a bigger movie star.
He starred in that, right?
Yeah, okay.
This guy's going to be my fact checker.
Since I'm the only person on stage, he's going to be able to see.
I'll touch base with him from time to time.
What's your name?
Dan.
Okay, Dan.
So, yeah.
Just trust me that my guests are over here and that they are who I say they are.
Because you're not going to see their faces.
I think normally when they stand up show,
do they sometimes put it up on this monitor over here?
Because he'd be able to see that pretty good,
but probably not today.
I want to see some name tags, Music City.
Oh, I knew that I would.
Wow.
Not too many in the balcony?
You guys planned your day right?
Oh, no, there's a couple up there.
Some guy tweeted me today, he has a ball that says,
Like Mike on it, and he's up in the balcony.
So he says he could just toss that down if need be.
Grudge Matt, I saw you on the Internet
because someone from the Zany's Twitter feed
took a picture of that one.
I like it's on a stick like that.
You could really, yeah, you can get it up there
and you could block lots of other name tags.
Cody the Barbarian, you sent me a tweet saying,
am I doing this right?
And I looked at it and it said, Cody the Barbarian.
And I was like, yeah, dude, you're doing it right.
I don't know what you thought might have been wrong about that.
Garidians of the Galaxy, because your name is Reed,
person hiding behind that huge poster?
That's a regulation-sized one sheet right there.
And then on the other hand, we have something that
looks like it got a little
destroyed in the rain.
And it's a little artwork on a white piece
of paper. It says, Diary of a Mac
Black Woman.
Instead of a Mad Black Woman. And your name is
Mac? Mackenzie.
Okay.
What?
Oh, that's...
Oh, beer spilled on it. It wasn't even the rain.
Oh, shit, a hard beer's a-comin'.
What's this little terrible one?
Pick me, pick me.
Well, a lot of people have done a lot of good work here,
but R.C. Biscuit,
Spider-Man, oh,
and then you drew a picture of Spider-Man sitting on a horse,
and then in parentheses, not a dog.
But he did put a shithead on the back, which might come back to you in the form of,
because you used the build your own margarita card.
So they might bring you a shit margarita keep your hands on this
at all times but and also yeah keep your hands on it I think there's this very
strong chance this will not be chosen
but you never know because comedians are wiseacres. Oh, I saw that one on the internet, too, Matchstick Den.
Den?
Who's Den?
Den, Dan plus Doug equals Den?
Okay, you don't have to describe it further.
I'd really like to move you to a better seat.
So I don't have to talk to you.
They do have the monitor on!
I swear, I saw myself up there.
Can you see that, Dan?
All right, Dan.
I'll call you.
I'll switch.
Oh, you're even in the shot, Dan.
I don't know what world Dan plus Doug equals Den, but you could have just put matchstick Dan.
I would have been okay with that.
All right.
Good job, everybody.
Sorry to make you hold him up for so long.
Hope your arms are okay.
I hope you don't get arm hole tunnel.
Doug plugs, Denver, Colorado.
I'm coming.
Labor Day.
Doug loves movies taping.
Oh, I did these out of order.
This Thursday, I'm in Seattle.
Thursday, September 1st at the Neptune Theater
Yeah, this rain was a nice preview for me
And then
It rains more in Portland though
You guys know that?
Barely more, but it does
Denver Labor Day at 420
Comedy Works Downtown
And we're back in LA at the UCB Theater
Sunset location On Tuesday, September 6th at 8.30.
And it's an exciting one.
I think I've booked five or six guests.
Yeah, for reasons you'll find out later.
No real reason.
I started asking people and too many people said yes.
Douglasmovies.com for more info about shows coming up in Orlando,
San Diego, Houston, Dallas,
and more.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies.
At Camel Toad,
Camel Toad,
that's a good Twitter handle,
tweeted,
Donald Trump is my seventh choice
for president if I had to choose
solely from the cast of Home Alone 2.
And I agree.
Just off the top of my head,
Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern,
the bag lady in the park, Tim Curry, Catherine O'Hara,
all those people would be a better president. IMO. This has been Tweet Relief, lost in New York
edition. I forgot to mention the theme of the last time we played Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
As listeners, you probably noticed that a theme will emerge with the answers that the guests rarely catch on to.
And then when they don't ever catch on to it, then I forget to even mention it.
And in the case of the last episode, according to this,
According to this, everybody that I used in that game are people who have played actresses,
who are actresses who played waitresses in movies and TV shows.
So that was, yeah, everyone's like, we didn't catch that either, Doug.
It was in honor of Rob Benedict from waiting and still waiting, being a guest, but then I forgot to mention it.
Oh, and also, anyone who's curious about what Rob gave to the winner,
because the winner that night went out to Rob's car and got to select two things.
And I don't think he's bummed about it, but I think she did a great job, because she got a Pearl Jam CD and a phone charger.
I can't imagine anything else better sitting in his car
than those two things, so she
did pretty good. And from the
corrections department, that guy in the
movie waiting that I said was dead
is not dead.
I didn't name him by name.
I didn't know his character name.
It was just that guy.
I think he's dead.
All right.
Let's get my guests out here.
Oh, wait.
Let me go through the prize bag really quick
because it'll be too hard to do with them out here
because there's too much shit.
First of all, someone in the audience, where are you at?
Right up front.
Your name on Twitter is DarthTHX?
What?
In the middle of what?
See how it shortens your name here?
I can't see the whole name.
DarthX.
Foo, F-O-O? Darth X Foo. Okay. And you put a note on this bag. Hey, Doug, you said
that I could give you these DVDs for the prize bag. Also, here's a prize bag bag. And, oh, look,
you did write your full Twitter name over here. I'm an idiot. All right. But then, this is my favorite part.
He taped on here
the tweet where he asked me
if he could bring something
for the prize bag.
And the tweet where I said,
sure, give them to someone
who works at the club
before the show
and ask them to deliver them
to me.
Thanks.
And then it got favorited
one time.
Liked.
It got one like. And that was you, right?
You liked it.
It wasn't you.
Someone else swooped in and liked it.
I always assume that when somebody writes to me
and the tweet they wrote has one like,
it's just the person who wrote it.
Or my tweets, you know, if my tweet has one,
it's just the person I'm responding to.
But someone else in the crowd, Foo brought a lot of cool shit.
But someone else in the crowd, which is great because the Foo bag, the nice bag that he brought is Empire Strikes Back bag.
That's very cool looking.
But also someone in the crowd tonight, where are you at, someone in the crowd that brought this?
Right there? Sitting right behind Foo? What's your name?
Keith?
He brought Star Wars
soundtrack on vinyl.
And
clearly, like, it's, you know,
when you have an album for a long time and you use it
a lot, there's this circle on the cover
of the album, the
outline of the album.
And yeah, so this is some real classic shit you brought.
Is it all scratched up, the album?
So if they have a record player, they can play it?
And you don't have one?
No, so what do you need this for?
It's just sitting around, wasting space.
All right, and then I'm just going to,
you brought a shit ton of DVDs.
These are all ones you don't want anymore.
You replaced them with Blu-rays.
Holy shit.
So these are supposed to be good
movies?
I didn't
really look at them that hard to begin with, so I don't...
I'm sure there are some good ones, but I'm
just going to randomly pick out three of them
because there's... What is there, 10 or 15 in here?
12? Okay. Ninja 2, gonna randomly pick out three of them because there's what is there 10 or 15 in here 12 okay
ninja 2 shadow of a tear
this is just random you guys
paul that's a fun one.
And IP Man 2.
IP Man 2.
Legend of the Grandmaster.
This is something I should know about, right?
I should have known to say IP.
Alright, so I gotta check that out.
So tons of things in that bag.
And then I brought a bag with a ton of shit in it i hope my
guests don't get bored back there and leave um because one of them's real tough to pin down uh
this i recently had a five word part on the jim gaffigan show
i can't feel my legs so now you don't even have to watch it.
So they
gave me, for being on the show, in their
second and final season, they gave me a lovely
Jim Gaffigan show bag that
also has a name tag on it that says
my name. You can take that off or leave that on
there if you want it. It's up to you.
A Doug Loves Movies
t-shirt is in here.
This is my Stoney Sunday t-shirt is in here. This is my Stony Sunday t-shirt is in here.
You know, I would have worn it tomorrow,
but I'm flying home tomorrow.
Ooh, this is cool.
A Goo Goo Cluster.
Because one of these is waiting for you
if you stay at a certain hotel here in town,
here in Nashville,
Hashville.
Oh, this is fun.
A CD,
two songs from the film
About a Boy.
By Badly Drawn Boy.
So if you like Badly Drawn Boy,
you get two whole songs.
One of these is going to be in the prize bag
for the next several shows
because I got a handful of them
at Wizard World in Chicago.
And it's the Phil Bill Volume 1 comic book.
And it's all Bill Murray.
It's all depictions of Bill Murray from his various movies that you can color in.
And the most exciting thing of all that I flew all the way out from L.A. with
is the Gaffigan Show also asked me my shoe size before they sent this to me and then they sent me a beautiful pair
of Tom's
shoes that have a
Jim Gaffigan show donut on the toe.
Really exclusive special item
here. It's really shitty of me to give it away.
But I gave them my
shoe size and these motherfuckers are
like I'm Asian and they're binding
my feet.
Which I hope they don't do anymore does that still happen but uh so that's so hopefully if you're if you're a nine and a half or i shouldn't say if you're a nine and a half if you're a nine or an
eight and a half if you're a felini then these might fit you uh or you can give them to a do
whatever you want with everything in the prize bag. I don't know why I'm telling you
how to deal with all this stuff.
It's yours. You deal with it.
And please help me
in welcoming to
the stage Jesse Case
and Guy O'Belum and
Mark Wahlberg. Do you need that towel you're sitting on?
What?
Do you need that towel?
I don't know why they gave us towels.
They're used to it on a black desk.
It's such a good vibration.
Was somebody singing?
Was one of you singing?
Can you feel it, baby?
Also, it seems just weird
that Mark's way over there like that.
Seems like he's the host.
It's like a weird dating show.
They don't do dating games anymore.
It's a dating show for the new millennium.
Mixed race, all dudes.
Let's find out who's going on a date tonight.
And let's meet my guest individually.
First time guest on the show, Jesse Case is here, everybody.
It should be on.
Give it another try.
Are you guys getting sound?
Yeah, you are.
Yeah, you are.
I think mine's hotter than yours.
I have a sexier mic than you.
Yeah, but thank you for being here.
Oh, did that help?
I don't know what's going on.
Are we hearing him through the channels
we need him to hear to record him?
Seems like you should probably just have
a hotter, just turn him up a little
bit maybe. I don't know. You guys good?
How's everyone doing?
It's a podcast we got
it we have to hear you through here for people outside though yeah and we're still not it doesn't
seem like he's being amplified oh we got something running in there he goes oh we got a cordless
running in all right all right see what happens with that we haven't even really tried the other
two mics you brought me a cordless after I unplugged this.
Now I can use the cord for that.
All right, this is great.
Thanks, buddy.
Yeah, that worked out perfect.
Yeah.
What's up, man?
You're a Nashville comedy phenom.
I started here and then didn't live here for a long time.
Yeah, I'm on the wall somewhere.
Some horrible head shot.
Yeah, we all got bad ones up here somewhere.
Yeah, man. Yeah.
Yeah, and then, you know, I was out and about for a while, and I've been back for like a year.
Cool. Yeah. And what'd
you bring for the prize bag? Okay.
You listen to the show, you know the drill.
I know the drill.
Alright, guys.
First,
the first thing in the prize bag is my home address
I forgot to sharpie out. That's the first thing in the prize bag is my home address I forgot to sharpie out.
That's the first thing.
Glow-in-the-dark silly putty.
Little mini horses.
I got some M&Ms.
Some googly eyes.
What?
Okay.
I got the This Hour is 22 Minutes box set.
It's a Canadian sketch comedy.
It's very good.
I got a T-shirt.
Oh, this is cool.
It's the shooting script for The Wrestler.
If you want to know how all the cinematography works.
Everyone's going to get real bummed out.
I'm fine now.
Everything's fine. But the reason I moved back to town is I got ass cancer. Um, it's all
right, man. I did treatment at Vandy and I'm fucking fine. Everything's good now. I'm living.
But don't fuck, I'm still gonna die someday. Like don't, you don't have to,
like we all are. I just like, it just pushed it back a long time. It's fine. But I started a podcast to document the journey of having ass cancer.
And I made merch for it.
So there's no good cancer ribbon for ass cancer.
Because you know breast cancer is pink and all that shit on the NFL helmets and everything.
So it's brown with chunks of corn.
Like a shit ribbon. Yeah. How many of these did you bring? It's brown with chunks of corn.
Like a shit ribbon.
Yeah.
How many of these did you bring?
I brought like four, but I got more in the car if you want.
Wait, these are like refrigerator magnets?
Yeah.
You put them on your car, you do whatever you want.
Oh, not my car.
It's going on somebody's car.
No, exactly.
Exactly.
Have fun with it.
Have fun with it. All right, so they'll need extras so they can have fun with it.
Yeah, have fun with it.
So all of that is from Jesse Case, everybody.
All right.
Hey, thanks.
Were you kidding about your address being noticeable?
It's somewhere on there because they put it in multiple places.
That was a new battery for a laptop.
Well, Dan gave me a Sharpie if you want to Sharpie it out. It's fine, man.
They can come over. Whoever, yeah.
Whatever. Go buy a check-in on him.
Make sure he's not dead. Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
Very dark. Very dark. They show up at the house.
Your family's like, no, he passed
away. He lied! Yeah, I know. I know.
My family's so casual about it.
No, no. He's dead.
He's no longer with us
We've gotten used to it
It's been a few days now
Yeah
You gotta move on
You gotta move on
I mean, this was Monday
They got to
Everyone's so, like
Too soon
Yeah
They like, the second you die
They take all the corn ribbons
Off of their cars
Exactly
Exactly
It's a lot of stuff They don't tell you, you know?
A lot of stuff.
It sucks living at home again.
Oh, okay.
Well, we don't need to get into that.
That's not the kind of show I do.
They made a movie about it.
Which one are you thinking of?
Oh, you weren't.
No.
No, I just mean back with my back with
my folks yeah it's weird all right so that's an apt reaction okay let's move on the jokes failed
i bombed up un guy is here
greetings and salutations
how's it going?
22nd appearance on the show.
No shit?
No, I don't know.
Oh, all right.
He's just a roundabout.
That's cool.
That's awesome.
Performing all weekend
here at Zany's
and next weekend as well?
Yes, and I'm headlining
this coming Thursday
and I think there's
a special code.
Ask at the door
for the special code
for all the cats
who came to the show tonight.
You can get a deal.
Yeah, or see them tonight with Dominique.
Dominique tonight and then next week with Ralphie Mae.
Ralphie Mae next week.
We're going to do the promos all right now.
We'll do them again too, right?
Yeah, we'll do them at the end.
If people are stoned, they forget.
Yeah.
That's just me.
I saw a few people write something down
and you said that.
Tell it to your phone.
They might just be ordering a margarita.
Both are good with me. A said that? It's nice. Tell it to your phone. They might just be ordering a margarita, but... Both are good with me.
A shit and corn margarita.
Yeah.
A shardarita.
What, uh...
Here you go.
What do you have
for the prize bag, Mgaio?
I didn't know we were supposed
to bring, like,
all kind of stuff.
I brought...
You're not supposed to.
I had to tell people,
bring a thing for the prize bag.
I brought a thing.
I brought a download code.
It's a sticker, and it's a download code of my latest CD called Weed and Sex.
Yeah.
There you go.
And if you don't win, you can buy one from me after the show.
It didn't land in the box, so you might not get it.
And also, my leftover mini corn dogs.
Oh.
Well, those are going to go down great.
And yeah, lots of sauce.
100% beef.
Very generous prize.
I thought he was teasing me back in Los Angeles a couple days ago
when he said he'd come to Nashville this weekend.
Do you want a corn dog, Jesse?
No, thank you.
Okay.
Marky Mark is here, everybody. How you guys doing?
You doing good?
What up, Nashville?
How the fuck you doing?
I've never been a comedian
who has a towel on stage, but since I
have one, I'm going to use it. Go for it,
Toad. I don't really do that thing, but
I appreciate them supplying it. You get sweaty in the
presence of Marky Mark? Yeah, well,
it's hard not to be excited that he came
all the way to Nashville. You going to do anything
while you're here? I think we're just opening up another
fucking Wahlburgers. Oh, that's right.
I just bought
Vanderbilt University.
I said, level that shit.
We're putting in a Wahlburgers.
That university cures cancer.
Fuck that, dude.
Fuck that.
We cure hunger.
Plus, there's a hotel right near Vanderbilt,
the Marriott that's right there,
that one of the floors, it says something about sleep.
Not study, but it's some sort of whole floor
that's dedicated to sleep.
Everyone's like, yeah, Doug, hotels are where you sleep you fucking idiot
sleep research sleep research and that's that's pretty great place to have sleep research in the
just on the floor of a hotel but i always thought it was funny that when you get in the elevator
it's a sleep research floor that's That's where I did my jacking off
loan research. They have that in a
Marriott.
It's really
50 bucks.
Any conclusions?
Any data you'd like to share?
No, no.
It's alright.
I wanted to ask Mark Wahlberg this question for a while,
since he's been on the show a lot,
and I don't think I've asked him this yet.
Unemployed.
If you're asking about Donnie, the answer is unemployed.
No, that's not what I was going to ask you about.
He seems to come up every time.
I want to know what your favorite...
You know what?
We'll start down on this end,
and we'll work our way to you.
Let's all name our favorite Mark Wahlberg movie.
Done.
All right?
So I'll start us off.
Just so you know,
you could have said just favorite movie,
and they still would have been mine,
but it doesn't matter.
All right, so I can name just any movie.
Would have to go with Citizen Kane.
Turned it down.
Wasn't born yet.
How about for me maybe, you know, right out of the gate
or early out of the gate, Boogie Nights.
Fucking A.
Boogie Nights is great.
I'd go Departed.
Go with The Departed.
The Departed.
Was it the big hit?
Yeah, you like that?
With the king woodbine?
Yeah, I like that movie.
I don't care.
I'll fight everybody here.
Fucking A, dude. Me too. Fucking A, dude, I like that movie. I don't care. I'll fight everybody here. Fuckin' A, dude.
Me too.
Fuckin' A, dude.
That was that shit.
That movie's got a lot of style.
It's got an over-the-top
Lou Diamond Phillips.
Right?
Panties.
Christina Applegate,
you know,
practicing her comedy chops
in a not-a-full-blown comedy.
But yeah,
I enjoy that movie.
It's a real interesting ride.
All right, Mark.
Thank you.
This is fucking tough, dude,
because I really like The Invincible
because I help people start liking football.
It's funny you call it The Invincible.
It's just Invincible.
No, I'm The Invincible.
He's nigh invulnerable.
And then I really like the Italian job
because I made Mini Cooper seem cool.
Fucking A, dude.
Fighter, I got Melissa Leo a fucking Oscar.
What?
You know what?
Fuck it, dude.
I got to go with the happening.
Solid.
Very solid.
People are still talking about that fucking movie.
And I played a fucking math teacher.
Did you see that?
I was like, what's this number?
Who fucking knows?
I'm not a cop.
It's really your answer
No, probably Four Brothers
Was that the sequel to Three Kings?
Three Kings is pretty fucking good too
God damn it, I'm so great
Three Kings is very good
Renaissance Man was fucking awesome
You're my favorite part of I Heart Huckabees
I'm my favorite part of everything I Heart I Heart Mark favorite part of I Heart Huckabees I'm my favorite part of everything
I Heart Marky Mark in I Heart Huckabees
Thank you, you know what?
I'm gonna take that as a compliment
I don't love the movie
You're the best part of the movie
Stop talking about it, just say it's all good
When you're on
When you're in it, it's all good
I'm always on
Let's do one more One more chat about movies before we get to the...
Do you want my gift or not, dude?
I saw it backstage.
We're good.
Okay, cool.
How many times have we heard that?
What did you bring for the bag?
I care about normal people.
If you don't know, you guys are normal people.
Normos, if you will.
Normo sapiens.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Guess who's on the cover
of Men's Health?
I am, motherfuckers.
If you win this
goddamn prize break,
you get a copy of the magazine,
which I already wrote to you.
It says, dear, blank,
you're welcome, Mark Wahlberg.
You know what?
If you win, I'll fucking fill it in
and I'll write whatever the fuck you want.
All right, so should we leave it out then?
Leave it somewhere where we can get to it?
Leave it to it, dude.
And buy whatever the fuck you want. I mean mean i'll write whatever the fuck i want yeah you don't look like mark walberg eating corn
dogs i'll tell you that right there those two do not go together mark walberg and mini corn dogs
mark warburg and a ribbon with shit and corn apparently or nothing wrong with a little corn
in your shit so i'm really hoping that the rain is over By the time the show is finished
Because somebody's walking out of here with a lot of stuff
That they don't want to get rained on
Especially Mark Wahlberg's magazine cover
Yeah
Yeah, you better put that under your fucking shirt
If you walk out of here and it's raining
And you know what?
Then you can say I touched your titties
That goes for guys and girls I don't fucking hate You do whatever you want to do Then you can say I touched your titties.
That goes for guys and girls.
I don't fucking hate.
You do whatever you want to do.
Always on, but non-binary.
My question to each of you,
starting with Jesse,
is what is the last motion picture that you saw?
Okay,
this morning,
I,
does it have to be like a new movie?
No,
it could be anything.
This morning,
I watched Apollo 13
because,
well,
no,
you guys don't realize.
You know what,
let's go with a new movie.
Okay,
but it's important
because with the Sully movie
that's coming out,
Right.
Tom Hanks has done
a full spats.
He's commanded every vessel.
Fucking spaceship, plane, automobile, train.
That's Polar Express.
A lot of people missed that one.
And then...
Yeah, and then sea ship.
So he spats.
He spats it all over.
And there's not many people pull off a spats.
You have to go a spaceship
and sea ship
to get spats to work?
Yeah.
You could just go ship ship.
Yeah, so he's spatsing.
And so I wanted to do
a spats marathon
before the Sully movie.
So I watched Apollo 13.
So you gotta watch all of those?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Doesn't seem to be worth the effort to me.
No, huge waste of, huge waste of time.
I dare even say, like, sure, the plane crash will be exciting,
and Sully will be, you know, he'll be put on, not on trial,
but they'll ask him a lot of questions about why did you have to land in the water,
and then you walk out of the movie going,
oh, I pretty much knew all of that.
Yeah. That doesn't, they're like, it's the Sully story you walk out of the movie going, oh, I pretty much knew all of that. Yeah. That doesn't
they're like, it's the Sully story you
don't know about. Eh, you know,
I don't want to know the part where they're all mean to him
even after he like saved everybody.
Yeah, no shit. It's not going to open with him snorting
cocaine and having a shot of whiskey. Yeah.
Right. Yeah, this isn't flight.
This is, uh, this is Sully.
They really fucking did that? Hey, Sully! They really fucking
did that to that dude?
They like fucking harassed him and shit about it?
I think there was a lot of inquiries because, you know, I mean, there's birds out there all the time.
And pilots don't have to crash into the river because of it. If I were him, I would have been like, hey, when you people want to ask me who the fuck died, let me know.
And then I would have fucking left.
Sure.
Sure.
I will give you a list.
Intricate.
Yeah, I mean,
it might be a good movie,
but also it's directed
by a hundred-year-old man
who talks to empty chairs also.
Right.
No, it's going to be
absolute garbage.
That's where Tom Hanks is at.
His last three movies,
he's like a middle-aged
vessel commander.
Yeah, but he's...
I thought Captain Phillips
was really good
and Tom Hanks is just a treasure. Are we talking about the dude from The Burbs? Yeah. He's like a middle-aged vessel commander. Yeah, but he's... I thought Captain Phillips was really good,
and Tom Hanks is just a treasure.
Are we talking about the dude from The Burbs?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fucking love The Burbs.
Yeah.
The dude from The Money Pit.
That's, well, The Burbs is Mark's favorite movie that he's not in.
No, it's not on Hanks.
It's going to be East Woody.
You know what I mean?
It's going to be real East Woody.
Well, I mean, at least Sully is approximately the right age for Tom Hanks, it's going to be Eastwoodie. You know what I mean? It's going to be real Eastwoodie. At least Sully is approximately
the right age for Tom Hanks.
In J. Edgar,
Leonardo DiCaprio's makeup was
so shitty, and Clint Eastwood's
just like, looks good to me.
He still got nominated
for an Oscar, so what do I know?
Apollo 13, I love that movie.
It was great.
I heard backstage there was another movie you saw, and I was like, oh, that would be perfect to that movie. It was great. Okay. I heard backstage there was another movie you saw,
and I was like, oh, that would be perfect to talk about.
That was yesterday.
Okay.
What did you see yesterday?
I saw South Side with You.
You didn't see shit with me yesterday.
Tell me what movie.
There's a movie coming out.
It's not out yet called South Side with You.
Yeah.
About Obama and Michelle's first date.
The Michelle Barack date.
Yeah. Yeah. And? I saw. The Michelle Barack date. Yeah.
Yeah. And? Saw that.
Something's in Swahili.
Wow.
That was a fucking, that was a Hey, hey, first of all. You can take the guy
out of Nashville. Take your birther jokes.
Whoa.
Right?
Why not Kenyan?
Swahili's not even a Kenyan language, dog.
I know.
That's my first thought was,
is Swahili what they speak in Nigeria?
I went, Kenya!
Everybody get the bullshit right!
Get the fake.
Keep your lies together, people.
Keep your lies together.
It's hard to remember an incorrect fact.
Get the bullshit conspiracy correct. That's the important thing. Where are you actually from? It's hard to remember an incorrect fact.
Get the bullshit conspiracy correct.
That's the important thing.
No, I was doing an ironic birther joke.
Because fuck all that.
It was a great movie.
Oh, I get it now.
Oh, you really liked it?
Yeah.
Like, you think it's going to be a big hit?
The trailer looks really cute.
I would go see it. Yeah, it was great, man.
Do you know how many people's black grandmothers are buying that fucking movie right now?
Are you kidding me?
Oh my God, they're going to make so much money.
Yeah, it was awesome, man.
You think it's going to be number one this weekend?
I don't think it'll be number one.
Black people go to movies, you guys.
Hi.
Hello, everyone.
Will Smith, hello.
Pleased to meet you.
But yeah, no, it was solid.
It was solid.
All right.
I want to go see Hidden Figures,
speaking of black people in movies.
It's about the black woman behind the moon landing, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With Taraji Henson and Janelle Monáe.
Taraji P. Henson was behind the moon landing?
Yes, she was.
This is a little known fact.
Cookie helped the plane, the spaceship land on the moon?
She did.
Are you guys talking about Transformers Dark Side of the Moon?
Yes.
Yes.
No, we're talking about Pink Floyd.
Mungaya, what was the last movie you saw?
I think the last two movies I watched, I watched Lethal Weapon 1 and 2 back to back.
Oh, aren't you fun?
Listen, that could be the best action series.
All four Lethal Weapons hold together pretty well compared to what other good actions?
The Diehards, there's not four good ones.
Well, the first Diehard is better
than anything that ever happened in any Lethal Weapon.
But I hear you.
Fair enough.
I hear you.
But as a continuing saga.
Sure, sure.
As a serial.
I don't know.
We had Shane Black on the show
and he was just shaking his head about how they
fucking brought in Joe Pesci for
two and three and how he kind of ruined
those movies.
Joe Pesci's like a human Ewok
in that movie. He just shows up.
Yeah, but Ewoks don't talk all the time.
You just can't understand them.
That's what they're singing in the end, you know.
Alright, so there you go, folks.
Watch all the lethal weapons
and then send your messages to ungaio420.
On Twitter.
Yeah, let him know.
Mark's thinking really hard about this.
Or he's thinking about something else.
Contraband.
The movie you did a few years ago
is the last movie you saw?
No.
I feel like that might be My favorite one that I was in
That's up there
That's definitely
Max Payne's fucking great
No way
Come on Fuck you dude We great. No way. Come on.
Fuck you, dude.
We slowed shit down, fuckers.
Come on, Max Payne.
Watch it again.
It holds up.
Last movie I saw?
You know what I fucking saw, Doug?
No, that's why I asked.
That's why I'm gonna fucking answer you.
I saw a fucking Suicide Squad.
No.
Hey, stop, you guys.
Stop.
It was a fine film.
Are you fucking crazy?
First of all, I don't like movies
where it takes more than one person to win everything.
It's true.
Mark Wahlberg only usually,
usually you or maybe a couple other kings.
Yeah.
Couple other brothers, three brothers.
And I'll be honest, like, you know,
usually you have to use two guns.
Oh, fuck, Two guns is good too
That was me and the dude
From Glory
Oh the guy from Glory
Was the lead with you in that
Yeah the dude
That's what you call him
Yeah
I was like
What up Glory
And he was like
I have a fucking name
I'm like
Who cares dude
Take the kid out of Boston Yeah fucking A dude Southie Here I'm like, who cares, dude?
Take the kid out of Boston.
Yeah, fucking A, dude.
Southie.
Here, you should make a movie about your first date,
Southie side with you.
Absolutely.
Hold on, I gotta make a phone call.
I'm joking, it's already done.
Yeah, no, Suicide Squad was just a mess, dude
Seriously, like
The fucking bad guy starts killing everybody in a subway
And then they take a break for two days
While they introduce everybody
And one guy who can climb things
That we had never fucking met before
I'd spoil this for people
I haven't seen it
It's out
It's already spoiled
No, I got discouraged by the reviews I spoil this for people, but it's out. It's already spoiled.
No, I got discouraged by the reviews and encouraged by the fact that I need things to watch on planes.
No.
It will be on planes for two months solid in another month or so.
I call that a fucking Donnie experience.
It's when I spend two hours looking at something going,
why are we doing this?
spend two hours looking at something going,
why are we doing this?
Alright, you guys. Now it's the part of the show where I say, Bert, turn the show off.
Let the games begin!
Gentlemen, I do not envy your position right now
because there's lots of great name tags in this audience
and you have to choose one and only one name tag
to play for.
And people will yell at you.
They'll wave their things at you.
But just go physically grab the one that you want to play for.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back after these messages.
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today.
All right, we're back.
Didn't take too long.
Everyone was mostly polite,
and you guys all seemed to get some good ones.
What is this, Jesse?
Oh, you got the Cody the Barbarian.
Cody the Barbarian.
You know what?
You tweeted me asking if you were doing it right,
and there's no shithead on the back.
So you did do it wrong.
Throw that fucking sign back.
You could just jot something down on a napkin or something
and pass it up to me.
Not the dirty napkin, please.
Just goes right for the one he's been putting in his mouth.
And this gentleman, Dan, has a Sharpie if you need it.
Oh, he's got a ballpoint.
Who are you playing for, Mgayo?
I have Aaron because Cool Hand Luke, it says Cool Hand Aaron, whatever.
But Cool Hand Luke is one of my favorite movies.
Oh, that worked out good for you.
Right.
Where are you guys?
Where's Aaron at?
You're with one other person
who made another Paul Newman name tag.
What movie was that?
Cat in a Hot Tin Roof.
They both went old school Paul Newman.
I was like,
these two are never going to get fucking picked.
I love this movie.
This is one of the best movies ever made.
I didn't want to discourage them because you never know what's going to happen. Right. I love this movie. This is one of the best movies ever made. I didn't say that to them.
I didn't want to discourage them because you never know what's going to happen.
Right?
Young Dennis Hopper is in it.
Yeah, sure.
No, it's a classic.
Come on.
It's a Jesus allegorical tale.
Watch it again.
All right.
Is there a good shithead on the back?
There is a shithead on the back. Don't read it out loud.
It says do not read out loud.
Yeah.
Smart.
Because I was almost like, I think the shithead is...
Mark.
Me.
What's up, dog?
What's your name tag there?
Whoa.
It's one of those rare name tags
where the person really put time into it
and it still sucks.
time into it and it still sucks.
In fact, I'm pretty sure they stole this from a seven-year-old
who was asked, what movie did your
grandparents make you watch?
Honey,
we need a name tag. Well, what's on the fridge?
Just grab something off of the fridge? Let's just grab something
off of the fridge
and take it down there.
It's for the movie
Swiss Family Robinson.
Is that a zebra or a tiger?
It's like a weird zebra.
Well, here's the thing.
That's not even correct
because it was a donkey
and an ostrich
and it was Hans and Franz.
They did not let the girl
go into the race.
That's not fucking canon, okay?
I didn't know Mark was so up on...
That's one of the reasons I picked it.
I love that fucking movie.
Old-ass Disney movie.
Rubber Louis Stevenson?
Oh, my God.
The fucking Disney movie
with that little kid
kidnapping all of those animals,
making his own little fucking zoo,
and then they use those animals
to kill pirates
was fucking great.
You know how many coconut bombs I tried to make growing up?
And it says, the Swiss family Robins.
So I guess their name is Swiss.
Is your first name fucking plural?
The Robins?
Robins is your last name?
Good job.
Yeah.
Good job.
Congratulations. Well done knowing your own last name. Is job. Yeah. Good job. Congratulations.
Well done knowing your own last name.
Is there a shithead on the back?
I meant on the name tag.
Is there a shithead on the back?
No.
We couldn't even fucking get that right.
Swiss,
what grade did you get on this?
What's up?
Is that your husband you're with right there?
Oh, fuck that.
Any single girls bring a sign.
Was that really made by your eight-year-old?
Oh, well then,
take back everything bad you said about it.
Fuck that.
This kid sucks.
Ryan, stop lying to your children.
I think that clearly looks like the work of a nine-year-old.
I think that eight-year-old's really working ahead of the game.
My favorite part about this sign is picturing that kid crying
while mom explains why we're crossing out the O and N
and ruining their fucking poster.
But I made it. I don't fucking
care. I got a chance to fuck Mark Wahlberg
tonight and daddy said it's okay.
Don't get mad, dude.
I'll fuck you too.
I'm just joking. Always on.
I'm just joking. I on. I'm just joking.
I would like to hold the camera.
It doesn't have to be film in it.
I'd just like to be the guy.
No, I really do love this movie,
and I thought it was a cool sign,
so I picked it out, too.
Well, I wish we had time to play these games,
because I want that eight-year-old
to win all these prizes.
Eight-year-olds love corn dogs.
There's probably some good stuff
for an eight-year-old in win all these prizes. Eight-year-olds love corn dogs. There's probably some good stuff for an eight-year-old in there.
Yeah, the corn ribbon.
Absolutely.
You have fun explaining that to an eight-year-old.
Well, there's ass cancer, and...
All right, you guys ready to play?
Let's do it, buddy.
All right.
The first game we're going to play is Purple Rain Man.
Some people love it.
I'll give you...
Were we all supposed to dress like the category?
It is raining, man.
Hey, Mark.
Yes.
Mark, leave Mr. Glass alone.
Oh, leave Mr. Glass alone.
See, I said backstage that would get a good laugh from some people,
and a lot of people would be like, Mr. Glass?
Sam Jackson in Unbreakable wore that same suit.
You got the idea for me?
What's that?
Nothing.
Purple Rain Man is a game where I've made a mashup movie title.
In fact, someone on Twitter, I think, suggested this one.
And I'll give you the third build people in this movie title mashup,
then the second build, then the first.
And you can guess as often as you want.
First person to say the full correct title wins.
And Jesse, you don't have to hold this.
Okay, yeah, I don't.
Is that a nice breeze that just shot up here?
Yeah, yeah.
Shot up your jeans?
Lovely.
All right.
Ready?
Third build in this movie mashup title.
So the title's going to be a mashup title.
Exactly.
And these two people are in it,
but they're in two sides of the title.
So it's two movies. Two different movies.
One mashup title.
Glenn Close and Michael Berryman.
You'll probably need to hear more.
No guesses? Okay.
No audience guesses, please.
Gary Oldman and Ellen Burstyn.
Could just be somebody ordering a drink
and I thought they were trying to tell us.
Oh, shit.
I'd like a Jack and Coke.
Shut up!
No more guesses?
No guesses?
All right.
And the top-billed people, this should tip it.
I hope it does.
We got Glenn Close and Michael Berryman,
Gary Oldman and Ellen Burstyn.
Pain and Gain is pretty good, too.
That is solid.
That was solid.
The Rock was hilarious in there.
Don't you fucking come with me with The Rock.
You guys seem to have a certain bond No we don't
Well that makes you a good actor then
Because I couldn't tell
Fucking ain't right dude
Harrison Ford and Jack Nicholson
What the...
So Glenn Close, Gary Oldman, and Harrison Ford
are in the first part of the title.
And Michael Berryman, Ellen Burstyn, and Jack Nicholson...
I'm just trying to figure out how to mash them together.
...are the second part of the title.
Well, then you not have the right titles.
Okay.
If you're trying to figure out how they mash together,
because it's real simple and obvious
once you have the two right titles.
Can anyone name
a movie,
not audience, just the guys on stage,
a movie that stars Glenn Close, Gary Oldman,
and Harrison Ford?
That's Air Force One.
And Jack Nicholson, what movie did he star
and it began with the word one?
Air Force One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
That's correct.
Yeah.
Nice.
Wow.
I'm trying to give you guys a point, and I'm like, fuck it, I'll take it.
No, that's, yeah.
What did you initially think didn't match up right?
Dude, I was doing...
No, I had the wrong movie.
I was doing like cuckoo force.
Like, I'm an idiot, man.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm a moron.
So I was doing, you know...
Cuckoo force.
I don't know what they speak in Kenya.
I'm just a fucking dick.
All right?
I'm a dick.
And I didn't...
Cuckoo force.
Sounds like a good Nashville band.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, better luck in the next game, Jesse.
Thanks, buddy.
And Mark gets to start us off in this round of a game I really enjoy playing called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
I'll say a tagline to you and you alone, Mark Wahlberg,
and if you can name the movie that it's tagline for, you
get a point. And if
you can't, it moves over to
Ngaio and then to Jesse.
So let's do this first one.
What movie had on its
poster or in advertisements
Hell
Hath No Pizza?
Hell Hath No Pizza. Hell hath no pizza.
Hell hath no pizza.
Hell hath no pizza.
Yeah, I know you're an excellent actor
and you have your own interpretation.
Hell hath no pizza?
There's no question mark in the title.
Little Nicky.
Little Nicky?
No.
Fuck.
Un gallo?
What's
My Boyfriend's
a Zombie?
No,
I don't fucking know.
That's a long,
weird title,
but incorrect.
It's the director's cut.
Yeah.
Boyfriend's a Zombie?
I don't fucking know.
That's a very good impression of me, too.
It's very authentic.
Though I was saying how they say it in the movie.
That doesn't exist.
Hell hath no pizza?
Yeah.
Jesse?
Well, I clearly don't know,
but that's the worst tagline ever.
It's hell hath no pizza like a woman scorned.
That's what they're trying to do, and it makes no fucking sense. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Yeah, hell hath no pizza like a woman scorned. That's what they're trying to do.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Hell hath no pizza like a...
Women have pizza if they're mad.
I don't fucking get it. I don't know what
the marketing team's doing here. I don't know.
Seems like if there's fire everywhere, if somebody has some dough,
there's probably going to be plenty of pizza.
First of all, yeah. In hell.
So no guess?
No, no. Okay.
That was the tagline for Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.
Wow.
Where they went to hell, and they're teenagers, so they would want pizza.
They play chess with death.
Yeah.
There you go.
Didn't they cheat death?
I think they did.
Yeah, they moved all the way to Twister and shit.
And then they cheated death, which I always thought was very funny.
They never played up that point that they actually cheated death
to win.
Yeah.
All right.
That's true.
I just thought it was humorous.
I don't have a joke about it.
That was a great movie, man.
Next round.
Great's a strong word.
Next round.
That was great.
That was a great film.
Hey, we don't have to discuss
each one of these, by the way.
I think we do.
I'm super ready to move on.
I wasn't kidding when I said
we were out of time for games.
I've got a lot of games planned.
Oh, I'm sorry.
So we don't have a lot of time for post-round banter.
Mark.
Yes.
How you doing?
Fucking great, dude.
You doing good?
We're up against my next fucking workout, so let's go through this.
What movie had the tagline, time flies when you're having fun?
Time flies when you're having fun.
Time flies when you're having fun.
Time flies when you're having fun? If you when you're having fun. Time flies when you're having fun. Time flies when you're having fun.
If you say it three times, I think we are now.
Candy Man appears.
You know what?
Fuck it.
The Fountain.
Un gallo.
Time Bandits?
No.
Every once in a while,
a word in the title will be in the tagline,
but it's pretty rare.
They're usually more clever than that.
I'm on better drugs than you.
Oh, sure, sure.
Time flies when you're having fun, Jazzy.
Time flies when you're having fun.
Yeah.
Fucking airplane?
This one,
no.
This one's so,
it's so fun how obvious this one is.
Is it United 93?
No
United 93
I didn't say
That was appropriate
And this is
And this is a movie
That's already out
So it's not Sully
It's not
We bought a zoo
No
Time flies
We're having fun
Was the tagline
For the original
Bill and Ted's
Excellent Adventure
No
You fucking double tapped us like that
You son of a bitch
Dude we got double tapped
If I did them in the other order
You might have figured out
Hell hath no pizza
So
I was so clever
Let's start with Mark again
Let's do it
And keep in mind Mark
The thing I said about
How the word that's in the thing
is usually not in the movie title.
Okay.
This is an important clue for you.
What movie had the tagline,
impenetrable, invincible, in trouble?
Shit.
Impenetrable, invincible. It sounds like a movie about a virgin. Impenetrable.
Invincible.
Sounds like a movie about a virgin in a prison.
What markets to talk?
Oh, sorry.
So it's definitely not invincible.
I didn't say that.
Well, because you said it's probably not in it.
Probably and definitely are two different words.
Fuck. Fuck it. Probably and definitely are two different words. Fuck.
Fuck it.
The Invincibles.
Incorrect.
Ungayo.
God damn it.
Invincible, invisible, in trouble.
Improbable.
Impenetrable.
Invincible. In trouble. Improbable. Impenetrable. Oh, impenetrable.
In trouble.
It's like,
it's called the key of the chastity belt.
Invincible,
impenetrable,
in trouble.
Perfect storm is pretty fucking good too.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
That's what we're in.
No one knows the fucking answer.
It's a perfect storm of not anybody not knowing shit.
You give up?
I give up.
Give up.
Jesse?
Fucking running man.
No.
That was a tagline.
Impenetrable, invincible, in trouble.
Air Force One.
God damn it.
Wow.
He's just like, you're coming full circle on us.
All over the place.
He's very in the same spot.
You should give us a list of the movies you watched the week before so we have like a scouting sheet.
Are you ready, Mark?
Yep.
If he's crazy, what does that make you?
Question mark.
Jesus Christ.
Do you have a collection of obscure posters?
If he's crazy, yeah, I just look around at my walls.
No, IMDB very nicely puts all the taglines for all the movies right there on the movies page.
If he's crazy, what does that make you?
Steve Jobs.
Mungayo?
God damn it.
What about Bob?
That would be,
that's not a bad one.
But no.
Jesse?
Obviously it's Cuckoo Force. No, it's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. One Flew it's Cuckoo Force.
No, it's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is correct.
Way to use context clues.
That was nice.
Yeah.
All right, let's do one more just for fun.
We'll call Jesse the winner of that game.
I have one more here.
No one's going to get this, is my point.
Okay.
Maybe you will. If someone gets this, they win this game.
Jesse, you just screwed yourself.
Okay.
In a hotel room.
And then you did the research.
Next to the masturbation and research.
Sleep research. The Fappin' Nap Center.
Brought to you.
We still start with Mark.
Fapsters and Johnson.
Mark.
Yeah?
It's the new lotion.
Black is the new big.
I've been saying that for years.
Black is the new pig.
I just lobbed that one out there for you, N'Gayo.
Black is the new pig.
The green mile.
How Dunkin' Donuts dare you.
Ngayo?
Black is the new big?
Mm-hmm.
No question mark on this one.
Black is the new big?
Use it in a sentence.
What's the, uh, I don't know, putney swope.
Black is the new big. Jesse. Black is the new big.
Jesse?
Black is the new big.
Is that the Biggie Smalls movie?
No.
That shit?
You mean... It would still be inappropriate.
No, it would be inappropriate,
but I don't fucking...
I mean, who says half pizza scorn?
I don't...
You know what I mean?
You know what I'm saying, Doug?
It's just marketers
desperately trying
to come up with something
that most people ignore anyway.
Did Super Jaime
have a tagline?
Yeah.
It was something about
how long I smoked for,
like 30 days,
24 hours,
seven days a week,
something like that.
Sure.
Yeah.
It wasn't particularly clever,
but the picture of me
with a shit ton of joints in my mouth sold it. We don't have a lot of time for Banner, Doug. Yeah. It wasn't particularly clever, but the picture of me with a shit ton of joints in my mouth sold it.
We don't have a lot of time for banter, Doug.
Yeah.
We don't have banter time.
We can't talk about every...
No banter time.
I brought it up.
You're right.
No banter.
I did bring it up.
It's your show.
Yeah.
Black is the New Big is a movie starring Jack Black,
in which he is a giant with a bunch of Lilliputians running around
called Gulliver's Travels called Gulliver's Travels.
Gulliver's Travels.
From 2010.
Somebody on Twitter suggested I do that one,
and I was like, that's something no one will get.
Perfect.
Well, they're just playing on the original.
Dancing is the new big, and no one got it at the time.
It was like very...
Fucking Doug's on board with me you guys
The uh
Well you know eventually Orange is the New Black came along
To kind of reinvigorate that expression
But something is the new black
Has been an expression for a long time
Since before 2010 obviously
Alright
Do we have time for
Yeah I think we do
We have time for two games so we gotta Yeah why not We have time for two games
So we gotta
Gotta move
Move along
We should come up with a safe word
That I'll say whenever
I need us to move along
And that's
I got it
Shut the fuck up
It's hard to say
Through a ball gag Doug
You want something
A little more concise
Alright It's all about the look Also for the listener at home That means we're probably You want something a little more concise.
All right.
It's all about the look.
Also, for the listener at home,
that means we're probably not doing any lines.
Shut the fuck up.
It's free.
Unless you're here, which you paid money.
You got to see me.
Don't complain.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
All right. Let's play Last Man Stanton Alright No lifelines though
You guys have to get
You just gotta dig in and win this thing
I'm gonna get the name of an actor or actress
From the audience
A person I've chosen in advance
Had several people offer up that they have the best
Most perfect
Last Man Stanton name.
We're going to get that name, and we're going to take turns naming movies that person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
We'll start with Jesse and then go to Ngaio, Mark, and me, because I like to play along on this one.
Don't be Mark Wahlberg.
Don't be Mark Wahlberg.
Where is Girly97?
Yay!
Right up front.
Usually they're up front when they say they've got a good name.
It's because they're psyched about all of it.
And you mentioned in your Twitter that you drove all the way from Detroit.
Wow.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Perfect place to drive from because that's where the cars are made.
But how long does that take?
Eight hours.
Do you wear a diaper?
You just stopped.
Okay, I mean, you know.
Also, for a record,
you did not drive here from Detroit.
You escaped Detroit to be here.
We fled Detroit.
All right, well, while you're here,
enjoy the water and have a good time.
And, um...
It's not funny, you guys.
It's falling from the sky.
Systemic racism is hilarious. Don't get so cocky
about your water.
It could happen anywhere.
Nashville's so water cocky.
Is that what happens when you do a lot of coke and you get the water cocky Is that what happens You do a lot of coke
You get the water cock
What?
Nothing
Okay
Alright so
Girly 97
You get a pick
You drove 8 hours
You deserve it
Who should we play today?
Jason Bateman
Jason Bateman
I like it
Oh I like that a lot
We'll get this over with Nice and quick like it. Oh, I like that a lot.
We'll get this over with nice and quick.
Alright,
so we start with you, Jesse.
He's the guy
from, what's the TV show?
I'm just making sure
because I get him confused.
You don't get to make sure, motherfucker.
You ride or die on this shit.
Since all of you get to hear me say it,
I think it's not an unfair thing to say
that he was in the TV show Arrested Development.
That's the one.
No, Silver Spoon.
Because there's another white guy
who looks a lot like him.
Yeah, yeah.
Jerry O'Connell.
We got to be fair to the one racist panelist
we have up here today.
The one.
That walks around all the time
wearing all white people look alike. The today. The one that walks around all the time. Yeah, the one.
The one.
The one.
The guy who's doing a Purple Rain cosplay.
Dude, your whole life is a cosplay.
Fucking A it is.
And I get paid millions of dollars to do it.
They're going to open up Paisley Park and you can tour it.
I'm not kidding.
I just heard that today.
I thought you were talking about me like I was going to be a tour guy.
No, no.
If you don't do well today,
maybe you could. Also, we keep making jokes about
clothes. For the listener at home,
you look like you
poached Barney.
Fair enough.
I'm really more like the black Willy Wonka.
I teach magical plants at Potworts.
I fucking love that suit.
It's a nice suit.
All right, so we start with Jesse.
You guys are doing a great job
at cutting down on the chit-chat.
Right?
You're really nailing it.
We're stalling as we think of Jerry O'Connell.
No, I don't think you all are.
I think it's just you.
Jerry O'Connell, fuck yeah, let's do this.
All right, Jesse.
Name any movie that's got Jason Bateman in it.
Horrible Bosses.
Uh-huh.
Ngayo.
Identity Thief.
Mm-hmm.
Horrible Bosses 2.
Nice work, Mark.
Fuckin' A.
Oh, fuck.
I got recently confused.
One movie he did with another movie he did.
And I even had to go to the corrections department about it.
And so I'm not going to make that mistake right now.
I'll do something else.
I'm going to go with Zootopia.
Fucking A.
The spelling bee?
Oh, that was great.
Incorrect.
Ngaio?
Really? Really? Yeah, Ngaio. Wrong name? Yep, that was great. Incorrect. Ngaio? Really?
Really?
Yeah, Ngaio.
Wrong name?
Yep, Ngaio.
It's the movie he was in with the guy.
Mark.
Maybe that was the full title, Doug.
Pitch.
National Lampoon's the movie he was in with that guy.
No, that's incorrect.
Okay, no, I got one.
And you helped me and Mark, so that's good.
You ready?
Yeah.
Bad Words.
Bad Words.
That's the one.
That's what you meant instead of Spelling Bee.
And Hancock is what Indio meant.
God damn it!
I hate to point out to you, Hancock, we start a black man.
I know!
I didn't want to give it away.
I don't want to be all like,
Will Smith, Shirley Sutherland,
and then everybody else will get the idea.
Hancock, I knew you'd do.
All right, Mark.
You should have backed me up, dog.
You can't help a brother out of Nashville.
Mark, back to me?
Yeah.
Extract.
Ooh, good one.
Extract.
Oh, yeah.
I got to go Mr. Majorium's Wonder Emporium.
I have to.
The yet-to-be-released Arrested Development movie.
I'm tapped.
Are you really tapped?
Yeah.
What was the body switch thing with Ron Ronson?
Was that the switch?
Change up.
Change up.
And what was the thing with Jennifer Aniston with the switch?
God damn it.
All right, Mark wins that game.
Good job, you guys.
Fucking right, Swiss.
Yeah, you got it, Swiss.
And we missed some.
Let's hear what we missed.
No, no, no.
All at once.
Paul.
The Gift.
The Breakup.
Dodgeball.
The Breakup.
Juno.
Smokin' Aces.
Holy shit.
You guys feel dumb now?
We said Zootopia.
We said Zootopia.
Somebody just said the yet-to-be-released Arrested Evolvement movie.
Juno.
Juno.
We got Teen Wolf 2.
I've said all these.
Oh, yeah.
Good job.
Extract, we said already.
This is where I leave you.
Stop repeating.
Deep Throat.
We've said every Jason Bateman movie.
Behind the Green Door.
That's Zootopia.
Zootopia.
Zootopia.
Zootopia. I heard Zootopia. Willy Wonopia. Zootopia.
I heard Zootopia.
Willie Wonka.
Stop it.
Stop.
He's not.
No, he's not.
You haven't set the safe for it, Doug.
I think he was in a yellow.
Shut the fuck up.
Amy Adams.
Shh.
You drive eight hours, you get one Amy Adams.
He's giving you one. That's my. All right. One Amy Adams. He's giving you one.
That's my...
All right, let's try to see if we can squeeze in.
We got about 20 minutes left,
and I want to desperately play a game that I love to play
called Jason and Deb's IMDb Game.
I'm listening.
No, I know, but just when donuts get opened,
other things happen to them besides.
Yeah, people get fat.
I was just going to eat one.
Well, take one out.
I have the munchies.
Take one out and enjoy it.
Your hands are going to get super sticky,
so you might want to get one of his napkins.
It's not a glazed.
There's even unglazed tokens.
Just fuck up your hands.
Yeah, put those right there.
Great job.
Now they're well worth the time.
You could have...
You stopped!
You're right.
I should have just been like,
this is radio,
and I could just keep talking,
and the audience here will know
that N'Gayo grabbed a donut.
Date night.
That was pretty good in fucking date night.
Yeah, it did.
Let's play Jason and Deb's IMDb game.
For those people over there.
That was a this side of the room response.
Basically how this works is everybody that has been in some movies and TV shows has an
IMDB page and on the top of that
page with a weird metric
including now people can even pick
their own
it has a top four
best known four
top four on the IMDB page
and I'm going to list somebody's first
credit in their top
four and you guys buzz in with your own name Jesse and guy Oh mark and then you
can guess but the thing is if you jump in early and guess after just one title
because there's lots of people in that one title probably unless it's moon with Sam Rockwell Kevin Spacey right he's
a voice right uh but if uh if you buzz in you get it wrong then you get negative one point if you
get it right or if you get it right on the second title or the third if there's remaining titles in
the four you and you alone get to guess what uh credits would be in that top four and get bonus points for each one you get correct.
Cool. Alright.
Sure.
You played this before, Mark? Have you played this, Mark?
Yep. And I fucking crushed.
I know, but this time it's not all
it's not you every time. I'm not going to use
your name. Just for the record, it is
me all the time. Okay.
Glad we got that on the record. Here's your first. Just for the record, it is me all the time. Okay. Glad we got that
on the record. Here's
your first wall day.
What'd you
fucking say to me?
You heard what I said.
I'm going to give you one, Jesse. I'm giving you one.
I'll take one. You give him one.
It wasn't a bad thing you said. No.
It's fine. Alright.
Here we go. I just can't back down.
People are leaving.
Guy's like, I'm going to beat the rain.
I heard it stopped.
All right.
When you guys were sitting here before the show started,
could you hear it on the roof?
Okay, so it's definitely stopped.
All right.
Jump in when you know it, guys. the first movie in this person's top four good fellas good fellas what happened
why are you yelling out something can it stop please thanks hold on punch yourself Hold on. Punch yourself.
Right in the crotch.
Mark.
You're going to jump in and guess, Mark?
On one?
On one title?
Yeah.
Okay. Who do you think is in Goodfellas that I chose?
Joe Pesci.
Incorrect.
Yeah, Mark has got negative one point.
I'm just trying to make it fair dig yourself a hole and get out of it yeah yeah uh let's so ngayo and jesse are the only ones up
for the rest of this one the second title in this person's top four is the godfather part two
say your own name to buzz in if you can think of an actor or actress
That was in Goodfellas and Godfather Part 2
I heard a Jesse
For the listener at home, I know it
Pretty much told those people that are here as well
They knew
You're always making the same face
What's your guess, Jesse no i didn't say anything
i didn't say my name you didn't no no no i didn't shut the fuck up no i didn't no no
i say you just heard it was the rain man
you really changed your mind you can't think of a person that was in goodfellas and the godfather
part two they're so they're all in the same 10 movies, dude.
Okay, so name one of them.
Like De Niro, right?
What's his full name?
Robert?
Robert De Niro?
Bobby D.
Bobby D is correct.
All right.
Sure.
Sure, why not?
There might be other people that are in both, but he's definitely the one that springs to mind.
Was Paul Cervino in The Goodfellas, too?
He's in Goodfellas, but he's not in Godfather Part II, I don't think.
Anyway, no side games.
You get two more guesses for two more points, Jesse.
Okay, on De Niro.
Do you have to go in order?
Just name any two De Niro movies.
If they're in the two that I have here,
then he gets points for each.
I don't mean to banter,
but is this by box office?
Is that how they do the IMDb?
It's a crazy metric
that includes a lot
of different things,
including the person themselves
will now be able
to choose their top four.
All right.
As all of which I said
before we started the game.
I understand.
I understand.
I understand.
All right.
It's always worth repeating, though. Okay. This guy just got back started the game. I understand. I understand. I understand. Alright. It's always worth repeating, though.
This guy just got back from the bathroom.
The metric on IMDB...
Alright, so
Raging Bull and Meet the Parents 2
or Meet the Parents 2,
Meet the Fockers.
I don't know why you did that to yourself.
It's Meet the Parents, just straight up
the first one.
And Casino. More than Raging Bull? I don't know why you did that to yourself. It's meet the parents, just straight up the first one. And casino.
I don't know.
More than Raging Bull?
All right.
You see, it's an algorithm.
And the...
So you don't really know the various things going to it.
So you might as well just...
With the fucking...
But those were all probably some of his bigger hits money-wise, maybe.
Maybe.
All right.
All right.
Moving on.
All right.
Now I have the gist.
Yeah, now you're going to fucking crush it.
Crush it like Mark Wahlberg holding a tiny bird.
Holding anything.
Careful with your nuts, young man.
First title,
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Do you want to buzz in early?
There's a lot of people in it.
Second title,
This Boy's Life.
Jesse.
What do you got?
Benicio Del Toro.
Incorrect.
No, he wasn't in that one, yeah.
He was in one, alright, yeah.
Yeah, he was in one of them.
Alright, no guesses.
Mark Rungayo?
The first one was Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
This Boy's Life.
Okay.
Sea of Love.
Ellen Burstyn. Buzz in with your own name. Rungayo Beelum. Sea of Love Ellen Burson
Buzz in with your own name
Ungayo Beelum
Wait which Ungayo?
Ungayo 420
Cause there's 419 on Twitter
Ungayo 420 on Twitter
N-G-A-I-O
And I totally
It's not Ellen Burson
It's the other one
Right
It's Ellen Barkin
Ellen Barkin is correct.
There you go.
You fucked up to succeed.
Hey, man, that's how you do it.
Yeah.
Ellen Barkin, she's the Cameron Diaz of the 80s, man, little crooked face.
You know what I'm talking about?
You don't know what I'm talking about.
I just saw her in a thing called Very Good Girls, and also she was, anyway.
She's great.
Name one more Ellen Barkin movie.
Did you say Sea of Love?
Sometimes it could be TV.
I said Sea of Love, This Boy's Life, Fear and Loathing.
One more movie that has Ellen Barkin in it.
One more.
What's the one where her and Lawrence Fishburne
do it on the table?
CIA?
I don't.
None of that rings a bell to me.
Are you sure you're not thinking of Event Horizon?
The Matrix?
No.
She wasn't in The Matrix.
Lord's Fishbrain.
Oh, yeah, but he didn't have sex with Ellen Barkin on a table.
Yeah.
No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Look that shit up.
The movie they listed for her is called Drop Dead Gorgeous.
Drop Dead Gorgeous.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Was it Nicole Kidman?
But N'Gayo does have a point now.
Hey!
We got N'Gayo won, Jesse won, and Mark has a...
What are you talking about over there?
I'll look it up.
I asked you.
They could have said Buckaroo Bonsai.
Across the Eighth Dimension, sure.
She plays Penny. Yeah, no, that's Bonsai across the eighth dimension. She pays Penny.
No, that's probably my favorite Ellen Barney.
Did Lawrence Fishburne take the blue pill?
Ha!
You waited
a long time for that.
Yeah, I did. It was too long. I admit it was too long.
Your joke lasts more than four hours.
All right.
One more, and then if we have a tie,
I do have a tiebreaker ready,
so we might have to go to that.
Holy shit, the gambler is really fucking good.
Yeah, dude.
This is tough, dude.
You're still going to try to think of your favorite one?
I'm listing all my favorites.
Naming every movie you've been in.
You want to go back to Basketball Diaries?
Holy shit, dude.
That's fucking good, too.
Yeah.
Didn't you have a little part in Bicentennial Man?
Probably.
All right, here we go
Four credits
Doesn't always have to be movie titles
But guess what?
This is fucked up
This is a famous person
Who only has one credit
It just has one thing in their top four
I've never seen that anywhere else on IMDB It only has one credit. It just has one thing in their top four. I have never seen that anywhere else on IMDb.
It only lists one thing.
And that one thing
is Justin Bieber,
never say never.
Mark.
What do you got, Mark?
Justin Bieber?
Incorrect.
Shit.
Well, that proves
that that motherfucker
can't do one thing, right?
I haven't looked at Bieber's,
but it's probably that
and also
he's in Zoolander 2.
So he's got at least
a couple credits.
All right, so
does Jesse or Ungayo
have a guess?
Just the one thing?
Just that one thing.
Who was involved in that movie in some way
that would have an IMDb page,
but that's the only thing listed?
Kanye.
It's not a terrible guess, but no.
I don't fucking know.
Prince, I don't know.
John Mayer.
We could list a whole lot of people.
Roger Waters.
All right, well, buzz in with your own name before
Say your own name
And then actually guess one of those things
Nope
Anything from you Jesse?
No man
This is a weird one
But it's Usher
Usher.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Usher Raymond.
I got Usher confused with Cisco, who I know was a DJ in another shitty movie.
So that's why I didn't say Usher.
You really thought to say Usher?
Yeah, absolutely. He shows up in this thing?
Absolutely.
Have you seen it?
What?
No, no.
I just know Usher was like his guy that like made him, right? So that's
Oh yeah, you're right. Okay, yeah, makes sense.
I take it all back. You're right.
I don't know if Usher shows up in the movie.
He's a credited producer.
Yeah. Who the fuck is Usher?
He took your ticket when you came in today.
Wow. Congrats, dude.
Usher is the type of brother who's been
having his own way doing his thing for years.
All right.
We got to do a tiebreaker, you guys.
Didn't I saw this girl?
Yeah, we got to do it.
Shut the fuck up.
Tables around.
Tiebreaker.
Let's do it.
Mark Wahlberg.
No, he's not out because he could come back ahead of you guys, even though you're the ones that are tied.
All right.
But he's got negative one.
He's got a chance, though, because he could get up to four points.
You're saying there's a chance.
Yeah.
The first title, Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?
Mm.
Oongayo.
Oh, here we go.
I'm just guessing.
Don't.
You're going to hand this to Jesse.
Dude, it's just a game.
Okay.
It is.
Fortune favors the bold.
John Turturro.
That is correct.
Boom! That is correct. Hippie magic for the win.
Mark Wahlberg, do you have a guess what his next movie in his top four is?
Barton Fink.
And another one?
The Night Of is technically
not a movie. Nope. It could be in there
though, but it's not.
Anything else? Hold on.
Miller's Crossing. Nope.
No, he was in Transformers
Dark Side of the Moon.
Dark of the Moon.
Little known fact, that's a
CGI John Turturro.
And he was also...
He's actually played by Andy Serkis.
And his other two on the top four
are Barton Fink and Transformers.
So N'Gayo is our winner!
Oh, thank you.
Oh, yeah, dude.
And I won't forget to say, why are you giving me this?
I have no need for it.
I need the ones, I need the shitheads from the losers.
Oh, that's right, I forgot. Yeah, yeah.
Does the eight-year-old have anything that he or she is against?
Naps.
Naps or a shithead?
Does that work for you guys?
It looks to me like this 8 year old's against drawing
Mark, please
Don't be mean
I believe the children of the future
Let's start at home, it's actually pretty great
Does your child listen to this podcast?
Not anymore
Well, no
I said it's actually pretty great
Thanks for apologizing, Trump I technically did not apologize, I just said it's actually pretty great. Oh, okay. Thanks for apologizing,
Trump. I technically did not apologize.
I just said it's great.
The same thing I'm saying about Trump.
So, do you have a
shithead?
Yeah, that's
better than naps.
Your friend who's boss?
Okay, I got it.
My friend Carter's boss. It sounds like a fucking Fox pilot.
I wasn't going to say it out loud, Mark,
so I could save it for the end, but cool.
Now a guy who's enjoying some front row food.
I have the munchies, Doug.
You had a whole thing of corn dogs you gave away.
No, this hummus is different.
What are those things?
Fried pickles? Get away from me.
I don't fuck with that.
I don't eat gluten, man.
That food looks like Donnie's career.
I haven't seen anyone touch it.
Your friends what?
Your friends what?
I already forgot because all the continued talking.
I got that.
Your friend's what?
I know the name.
Boss.
Not ex-boss?
Current boss?
Bruce Springsteen?
Is this going to cause trouble?
All right.
So,
thank you for letting me
get that information.
Let's skip the plugs.
What do you got to plug, Jesse?
Yeah, go to jesseverscancer.com.
It's my podcast.
Got tour dates, all this shit.
And go there.
Listen to that.
Got all the links.
Got all the links.
Speed through.
Got all the links.
Nice.
I should mention, I almost forgot again,
because this is the part of the show where some reason the guests
always make me forget what I want to say at the end.
And I'm not blaming you guys specifically.
It happens every time.
There's an algorithm.
So it's my fault.
It's my problem.
All of the people that I mentioned, De Niro, Barker, Barkin, Usher,
and Turturro, they're all cast members in the new movie
Hands of Stone so if
anybody had to figure that
out and so Usher will have
another IMDB because he's
because he's in it he plays
like Sugar Ray or some shit
right yes the Roberto
Duran biopic yeah there you
go all right what do you
got to promote this Thursday
I'm at Zany's in Nashville
September 14th at the Momo Thursday I'm at Zany's in Nashville.
September 14th at the Momo Lounge above Harlow's
and then random harvest activities
until the Emerald Cup in December
in Santa Rosa.
I'm glad you got Santa Rosa because I was like
where the fuck is Momo's above Harlow's?
That's in Sacramento. Oh, okay.
On Jan 28th. Oh, alright.
So that piece of information should have been in there. But everyone lives in Sacramento and knows, okay. On Jan 28th. Oh, alright. So that piece of information should have been in there.
But everyone lives in Sacramento
and knows about it, right? Exactly.
Ngaio 420 on
Twitter, you guys. Oh, and buy my CD after
the show. You gonna be
hanging out on the sidewalk? Fuck yes. Okay.
Yeah. People
know what that means.
It's gonna be, we're going to get rained on.
The Super Duper Tournament of Championships should be, it is.
It is now available in the comedy album section of iTunes for $2.
So go grab that if you want.
And Mark Wahlberg, any final words from you?
Yeah.
Go to your movie theater.
I'm there.
words from you? Yeah.
Go to your movie theater. I'm there.
Oh, also?
You're welcome.
Aaron, come get all your prizes if you
want to bring somebody with you to help carry everything.
That's probably not a bad idea.
We got the
box.
What's in the box?
don't look at the box!
do you guys want the corn dogs?
no I didn't think you would
but you gotta take the men's health magazine
and
these two bags
there you go, thank you N'Gaya
super helpful
does anybody in the audience
want a donut real quick?
Nice cats.
It's an after school special
Dan gets a donut
Apologies if I hit anybody with any of those
But I didn't have time to look
Thank you to all of my guests
Mark Wahlberg and Guy O'Belum and Jesse Case
Yeah, get those mini corn dogs.
And my friend Carter's boss is a shithead.
And thank you to Zanies.
Thank you to everybody for coming and Fred Matthews
doctor of organic chemistry
at Austin
PA
how do you say that?
Austin P
but it's got a Y at the end?
P with a Y at the end?
Austin P
State University is
a shit head Why at the end? Austin Peay State University is a shed.
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Loot Crate offers a range of geek and gamer items for less than $20 a month. Get ready for September's high-octane theme, Speed.
This month's loot crate has high-octane assortment of goodies
from Batman, CW's The Flash and Arrow,
Battlestar Galactica, Iron Man, and Gone in 60 Seconds.
If you have a style need, you'll love our Speed Lootware Collection.
It's a little pricier,
but it features Sonic Socks
for when you gotta go fast,
a Transformer wearable for your
world-saving needs, and a winning
Mario Kart tee and more.
This Lootware collection
is gonna zoom away quick.
You've only got whichever version
you choose, Lootware
or Lootcrate.
You only have to the 19th at 9 p.m. Pacific to subscribe and receive that month's crate.
And when the cutoff happens, that's it.
It's over.
So go to Lootcrate.com slash Doug and enter the code Doug to save $3 on your new subscription today.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies