Doug Loves Movies - Jessimae Peluso, Michael Cudlitz and Josh Wolf guest
Episode Date: January 3, 2018Live from the UCB Franklin in LA, Doug welcomes Jessimae Peluso, Michael Cudlitz and Josh Wolf to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at htt...ps://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds
With 50 azotoc or kernels in his teeth
There's still not more that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies Happy New Year!
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug.
Hey, Doug!
You don't understand how this works, sir.
And I love movies.
This is I Love Movies!
I take it back. You do know how it works. Coming to you
for the first time
this year from our original
home, the Upright Citizens
Brigade Theater, Franklin
location. It's Tuesday
January 2
2018.
And I swear to you
I had to correct it
a few minutes ago ago I had written down
2017 and then I
saw it a few minutes ago and went
I'm going to fix that, I'm going to say it right
and I'm probably
going to admit that I had written it down
wrong
I don't know what kind of fucking
situation they have here
at the CB Theater
when they tell people the show is sold out
because clearly
there's plenty of seats available
for this sold out show
I even wrote on Twitter today
oh come on down for the standby line
you know what people in LA don't do?
come down for the standby line they go know what people in LA don't do? Come down for the standby line.
They go, oh, it's sold out?
Fuck it.
I'm gonna go to Spaceland.
Is that a place still?
Alright.
What? So, yeah, I gotta
talk to UCB Theater about
deciding that the number
where they determine it's sold out should be
more than the number of seats.
Not a lot more, but you know.
Don't be afraid to turn some people away.
I don't need this guy here.
That's what I love about podcasting.
I just do vague pointing and the listeners think I just excluded somebody.
Like I really don't want them here.
But seriously, you guys,
let's start the new year right
with some amazing name tags.
You know what?
I feel validated.
I feel like there are some amazing name tags.
There's an ET shaking his head around there like he's got a palsy situation.
What does it say on that little sign he's holding?
E.Z.?
Your name is E.Z.?
Z?
Your name is Z?
Well, I'm glad you figured out a way to tie that into E-T-E-Z.
I get it.
Now, there's a sign over here that says
it's the best name tag of 2018.
First of all, it's only day two, dude.
And we didn't do a show yesterday.
But you stand by that.
You have the best name tag.
Yes.
Yes.
What's this Clockwork Orange thing over here?
Clockwork Arange.
Clockwork Arange?
All right.
Ooh, I saw this one on the internet today.
What's going on there?
It says the shin.
The shy Nick.
The shy Nick. The shy Nick. And it's like
a door's being busted down
and you're sticking your face through saying, here's
Johnny. Here's shy Nick.
Good job, dude.
Oh, he took it off.
Oh, it's even got a strap for safety?
Oh, my God.
Oh, it was your Halloween costume?
You want to make sure that shit stayed on your head.
Makes sense.
All right, that's enough.
We've discussed it enough.
Don't make me lump you in with that guy.
Doug plugs Next Tuesday, January 9th
Getting Doug with High
Will be live at the Troubadour
In West Hollywood
One person's very
Very much excited
That's all we need
Just that one screaming person
Can you imagine?
January 13th
Doug Loves Movies is back At Cap City in Austin, Texas at 420.
Too soon to come back to Austin?
We'll see.
You just don't know.
And January 17th, I'm doing stand-up at Levity Live in Oxnard, California.
Bring your name tags if you want to
play last man stanted um well the votes came in and hashtag year off of sear off uh didn't didn't
catch on like people oh people people out there love j Siroff much more than
you know any of us thought
and
so he will be back
he got more than 500 votes
so there's no year off of
Siroff and but you know
we'll try again next year
next December
I'll do the poll again
see how we're all doing and um
yeah okay did all that now it's time for tweet relief tweets about movies
T-R-A-S-H-V-I-S tweeted
I hope Fast and Furious 10
is called Fast
10 Your Seatbelts.
This has been Tweet Relief.
Speaking of Fast and Furious, I'll be
interrupting Fate of the Furious
on Saturday, January 20th
as part of San Francisco Sketch Fest in San Francisco.
Fun for the whole family.
And all of my dates and deets are at Douglovesmovies.com.
That's Douglovesmovies.com! Yeah!
Denver. Wait, what did you say at the end? Denver. Denver. That's DouglasMovie.com Yeah Denver
Wait what did you say at the end?
Denver
DouglasMovie.com yeah
Denver
Oh cause of Denver yeah
As popularized by
TJ Miller and Pete Holmes
Is that what you meant?
Yes
Alright
Well one of them is in trouble with ladies So Is that what you meant? Yes. All right.
Well, one of them is in trouble with ladies.
So I don't know what's going to happen there.
I brought for the prize bag a Douglas Movies T-shirt and some Leafly rolling papers
and a button that says,
ooh, I got this at Disneyland over the weekend
I don't even know
you know that they have a movie coming out
called Wrinkle in Time
with Oprah and Zach Galifianakis
yeah
they were destined to be in a
serious movie
comedy I don't know what the fuck it is
but is Disney's
a Wrinkle in time.
And then it says Tessering to 2018.
Is Tessering something they do in that book?
There you go.
I figured it out.
Because I'm a smart head.
Also, we have one of these cigarettes.
It's a fake...
Wait.
One hitter, thank you. One. It's a fake... Wait. It's a one-hitter.
One-hitter, thank you.
One-hitter looks like a cigarette.
And, you know, you're cool with it
as long as when the cops come around,
you don't drop it.
Don't sound like a cigarette.
And, oh, we got a little pipe from Peacemaker.
And this is kind of cool.
Dropped off by the filmmaker himself, a button and a copy on DVD of Haunters, the Art of the Scare.
It's all about super fucked up haunted houses.
And how some of them become escape rooms these days so yeah the the
haunters the art of the scare and it's available on netflix he he added in a note there and uh
hopefully we'll have uh him on the show sometime but we got three uh terrific guests tonight two
newbies you you guys.
Yeah, two first-time guests
of Douglas movies. One of them, I can't believe it's
taking this long, and the other one,
I'm very happy
that it's happening at all.
Please give a big
warm welcome
to
Jessamay Peluso, Josh Wolf,
and Michael Kudlitz!
Yes!
Yeah!
Sure!
A warm welcome.
A warm welcome.
Yeah, I said warm welcome in a totally fucked up way one time
and it stuck.
That's how I say it now.
Warm welcome.
Warm welcome.
Yeah, yeah.
Warm welcome.
Warm worm come.
All right, now you ruined it.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to stop saying it.
I'm sorry.
It's a new year and I've got to change that shit up.
Two minutes in, and you're already into warm worm cum?
Are you kidding?
They don't even have...
Well, you know, I mean, I don't even want to deal with cold worm cum.
So I'm pretty happy.
Absolutely not.
Let's meet them individually, starting with first timer,
Jessime Peluso is here!
Hi!
What's this about?
What's this contraption you have here?
This is a fun little pen.
I don't know if anyone's familiar with the Orchid pen.
I'm not sponsored, and I probably should shut my mouth
and get sponsored and make a couple G's, but fuck it. I like this
thing. You plug it right in. You plug
it right in your wall. Wow. Also, I love the way
when you promote something, you jump straight to
a couple of G's for your trouble.
I promote that thing for
a five spot.
Can I
take a hit off of it? Yeah, let's do it.
Why not? Yeah, nobody ever brings these things to the show. But you need? Yeah, let's do it. Why not?
Nobody ever brings these things to the show.
But you need to talk while I'm doing it.
Okay.
Yeah, so I think it's pretty delicious.
I was just in San Diego this weekend at the American Comedy Company.
And that's where I got my gift for the bag.
First timer, huh?
I got...
Oh, shit, you good?
You're like a wizard.
That's a big ass hit, man.
That was a Gandalf hit.
Look at that linger.
Gandalf takes big hits.
Fuck yeah.
Absolutely.
He's got a big pipe.
I've never seen smoke come out of somebody for that long.
It came out forever.
I went crazy.
And I didn't cough at the end.
I know.
It's pretty smooth, right?
Yeah, super smooth.
Smooth.
It's so smooth.
Yeah, like I enjoy it.
American Comedy Company, you did a bunch of uh shows there for new year's i
was right after you yeah you were on tuesday i was there and then you and you told them to leave
me a lot of weed i appreciate that did it work out it did worked out nice oh shit yeah i appreciate
that all right well thank you for being here i you know i i've been remiss in not inviting you
to participate you've been on getting in not inviting you to participate.
You've been on Getting Doug With High a bunch of times.
But is movie trivia like something, like, do you retain that stuff?
Is that something you'd be competitive in?
I haven't even retained what we did four minutes ago.
Can I tell you the conversation she and I had backstage?
Please.
She says, she goes, are you smoking?
She said, are you taking this out there? And I go, are you smoking? She said,
are you taking this out there?
And I go,
are you smoking it out there?
I go,
no,
it's not,
we're not doing that show.
She goes,
we're not?
And I go,
no.
Wait,
wait,
it gets better.
It gets better.
And then she goes,
she goes,
what?
And she goes,
well,
what movie are we watching?
I go,
we're not doing that show either.
And she goes,
what fucking show are we doing? I go, we're doing Doug that show either. And she goes, what fucking show are we doing?
I go, we're doing Doug Lo's movies.
She goes, I don't know what that is.
Why would I know what that is?
She was so confident twice.
I want to get her on Dining with Doug and Karen as well.
I mean, how many more?
Why do all of your icons have little red numbers next to them?
Why don't you check your shit?
Don't panic.
I can't.
It's like LinkedIn.
I'm going to check LinkedIn.
These motherfuckers sending me dick pics on LinkedIn.
Oh, my God.
I've never seen so much action.
I can't fucking keep up with this shit.
Can you send dick pics on LinkedIn?
I mean, if you're looking for a job,
if it's a part of the skill set
you need. Why hasn't somebody started
LinkDick?
Why hasn't that started yet? LinkDick.
LimpDick. LimpDick. LimpidDick.
Limpid. Limpid.
LimpDick. Yep.
Yeah, just like,
I've got a flaccid cock.
Cock.
Cock. All right, just to, I've got a flaccid cock. Cock. Cock.
Cock.
All right, Justin may settle down.
Because we have, you know, like, we've had actors on this show.
But I am so excited this man is here.
So excited to meet him.
Please give it up, everybody.
You know him as Abraham from
Walking Dead. It's Michael Cartlidge!
Everybody up here is high,
and I wish I was.
But how excited
are you to just be able to explore
well no to be able to do different
things with your facial hair you were really
locked in
locked into the Abraham for a while there
I was
not since the Rachel has there been
hair on somebody's
head that's been
so distinct and influential
yeah the Rachel hair on somebody's head that's been so distinct and influential.
I like the Rachel.
I like most forms of Rachel. You have the Rachel of the face.
sometimes.
People love you on there.
How much do people
come up to you just sad that you're gone
on the show?
Like they don't think you're really dead.
I'm just going to let you be high for a while.
How much do you plan with the, yeah.
Please, I know you're an amazing actor,
but there's no reason to do impressions of me that are mean.
Well, let's just get to it.
Josh Wolfe is here, everybody.
What's going on?
And you are why Michael Kudlitz
is here
making fun of me
I'm
I'm not making fun
of you
you guys are friends
yes
yes
yes
yes
we've been friends
for a couple years
two weeks
yeah
two years
where did you guys meet
we met
through another
friend of ours
ooh
somebody set you up
yeah
it was a
it was a brunch and no we met at a friend of ours. Ooh, somebody set you up? Yeah, it was a brunch.
And no, we met
at a friend of ours' house. I guess
it's got to be 10, 12,
15 years ago.
Something like that.
18 or 20. How long? How many years?
20. 18.
Yeah, those are our wives. Yeah, 18 years.
At the time, let me ask you this.
Were you excited to meet Bob
from Gross Point Blank?
I love you, man.
Because I know I am.
Want to do some coke?
Let me ask you something.
I'm asking you an honest question.
Have I ever met Bob from Gross Point Blank?
He's sitting right next to you, my friend.
Oh, there you go. Did you think I'd just bring an ever met Bob from Gross Point Blank? He's sitting right next to you, my friend.
Did you think I'd just bring an out of nowhere trivia question
at you this early in the game?
The games don't happen until I flip to sober,
dude. You've been on the show
17,000 times.
You've been on the show more times
than there are cities
on the planet in the movie
Valerian and the other thing.
Oh, man.
That's some deep trivia.
Yeah, it was deep.
It's a planet of...
It's a city of a thousand planets.
I always fuck it up.
It's like getting Doug with high.
Sometimes I say getting high with Doug
and that's not fun.
Listen, Josh.
Yes, Doug.
Someone close to you has a very important thing to promote.
Yes.
So my wife.
My wife!
You!
I fucking walked you right into that.
All you had to do was switch it up
and save my spouse.
Yeah, but I knew you wanted it.
I threw it up there for you.
Her.
She wrote and directed a movie that's coming out January 19th.
It's a Lionsgate film.
Roadside Attractions film.
It's called Forever My Girl.
And it comes out January 19th, right?
Yeah.
And her name is Bethany Wolfe.
Yeah.
The people are excited about this movie.
Yeah, it's got a fresh cast.
It's fantastic.
It's got over 20 million views.
The trailer does online.
It's got over 20 million views.
Michael, you've seen this movie on it?
Michael has seen it.
It's fantastic.
All right, when am I going to see it?
I always know a movie's fantastic when I go, why am I
not in your movie?
What was that about?
I wanted to be in your movie so
badly that I watched your trailer
19 million times.
That's a good thing, right?
Hey, can I ask a question? Why aren't I in
your fucking movie?
We all know.
Can I tell you, I was wondering about that that or at least one acting wolf i'll tell
you what so there's four three fucking acting wolves in the family right not this one she said
you know do you want a role and i said babe you know let's i don't exactly said i was like
hanging out you don't go babe i said hey you know real story? I said, hey. I said, hey. No, I said, only if it makes the movie better.
I don't want to just have the role.
She was like, all right, never mind.
You're not going to be in the movie.
She was like, yeah, let's do the next one.
Yeah, yeah.
There's no one in my film with a surgically attached hat.
Actually, there is
there is
there is
the movie's about
a young boy
who's got a
surgically attached
hat
it's really sad
guys
it's very tragic
yeah it's tragic
it's a syndrome
it's a what
surgically attached
hat
that's a syndrome
S-A-H
it's serious
S-H
none of us can talk
tonight
we got like
lazy tongue up here.
Lazy tongue?
Yeah, you never had one of those?
Oh, my God.
You know what?
The lazy tongue was bad, but when she started snoring on it,
that felt pretty good.
Send me down that, babe.
I was willing to accept it.
All right, you guys.
We've got to settle down. Can you read that? I can read it. Yes, I wrote it. Send me the that vape. I was willing to accept it. All right, you guys. We got to settle down.
Can you read that?
I can read it.
Yes, I wrote it.
Send me the vape there.
Send me that vape there.
Yeah, dude.
Get on board.
Yeah, thank you.
You're not smoking, but you got something.
You got something fun.
Well, you know, I bet you ever since you took the oath to be an officer in Southland,
you've not allowed to...
I mean, this is some badass shit.
Southland fans!
I was in the green room, and I was commenting on how dope his boots were.
I'm like, those are some dope boots. I love those.
And then he just pulls up his pant leg and pulls out a flask.
I'm like, I'm fucking high right now.
That's the most manly thing ever. I think that's so dope. Just tucked into your sock.. That's the most manly thing ever.
I think that's so dope.
Just tucked into your sock.
That's not the most manly thing ever.
Warm, warm plum is.
Everybody just got nervous.
Everyone just got so nervous.
They're like, please.
I like how you turned your hat around backwards
before competing with Josh.
I like rally hats.
Listen, we told Jessamay. What does your hat say? It says Talia Surf. I like rally hats. We told Jessamay
it says Italia Surf.
I don't surf. What is that?
It's a store in Laguna Beach.
I'm doing a lot of explaining tonight.
Yeah, what's with that
jacket and those pants?
What are you wearing? Some sort of Levi suit?
What's with those pants?
I have my Canadian
tuxedo on. You said I'm ready for the apocalypse.
Why is it a Canadian tuxedo?
Because it's a nice, cool thing?
I don't know.
Because that's how I feel about Canadians.
Such a
creepy face. I'm hoping to go
to just
Jeux Paris.
Montreal.
Montreal. What is he writing?
Just one
Lumiere
That was my French
Fuck that was bad
Yes that was Lumiere
From Beauty and the Beast
Hoping that I get to go
To a festival
A festival this summer
Oh shit let's see
I think we covered everything
Jesus I think we covered everything. Jesus.
I think we've said
everything that needs to be said.
It's like you stroked out
halfway through writing that thing.
Halfway through all of it
was stroked out.
The whole thing, actually.
I had a stroke
and then wrote two pages.
Very stroke-ish.
You get paid by the word,
Jessamay.
Here we go.
Oh, shit.
I have a question for you guys.
And I have two questions for you.
Starting with Josh,
what did you bring for the prize bank?
I brought
some soap
that I took from the hotel.
That's good soap.
Good soap.
That's like some Hampton Inn shit right there.
Kipton.
Some mouthwash and
some bath gel.
There was a lot of shampoo, but my son stole all of it.
He's got a nice head of hair, your son?
He does.
I got a head of hair, too.
You do, too,
but you wear the fucking hat all the time
like you don't.
I know.
And then I have another hat.
Well, you should just wear it,
just in case.
That's not a hat.
Anyone might see the top of your head.
It's from a comedy tour.
It's a Josh Wolf Halloween costume.
Exactly.
I'm going as Josh Wolf.
Nobody will believe you.
Kudlitz flips the bill to the front,
threatening Josh Wolf.
With my cock hat.
I go double hat now.
Oh, no.
That's terrifying.
I think double hat is a terrible that's terrifying I think double hat
is a terrible look
can you imagine
walking around with that
oh but one's forward
one's backwards
I like it
kind of the Sherlock Holmes
look right there
do I look like
I can solve crimes
with that look
no no no
well speaking of
Sherlock Holmes
pass the pipe back
okay yeah
I told you it was delicious I know I was doing a joke for the listeners Well, speaking of Sherlock Holmes, pass the pipe back. Okay, yeah.
I told you it was delicious.
I know, I was doing a joke for the listeners.
There's no reason to be so literal, everybody.
This feels like a Black Mirror episode, I have to be honest.
I've been hearing mixed things.
I hear that many of the Black Mirror episodes are not only upsetting,
but they're also traumatic specifically to women.
Why are you looking at me and saying that shit?
Because you're sitting right in the way.
I know, I know.
I was being facetious.
I was being facetious.
I mean, it's a little terrifying, I guess.
Okay.
Yeah. But also someone else pointed out,
well, a lot of actresses are getting those roles.
Yeah, bitches be working.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So there's two sides
to every argument.
Next time you're on Twitter,
just take a fucking breath,
everybody,
before you respond.
See how we worked that out?
We discussed it.
Yep.
A couple of different sides.
You solved it.
Yeah, totally solved it. You're Your fucking hood is annoying me. A couple of different sides. You solved it. Yeah.
Totally solved it.
You're on.
All right.
This.
My.
Oh, do you have more for the prize bank?
No, I was looking at his.
He's about to steal Mike's prize bank.
He's got the best thing.
So I'm going to go to Jessamay next.
How do you know?
You don't even know what I have.
Look at what he brought.
I know it's pretty dope.
It is pretty dope.
Although.
Yours is pretty dope.
Pretty dope.
Speaking of dope. I brought dope. Whoa. Not only is pretty dope. Although, speaking of pretty dope. Speaking of dope, I brought dope.
Whoa.
Not only is it dope.
It's your dope.
That's right.
Well, it's dope somebody gave me after the show in San Diego.
So good luck, everybody.
If it's not legal, it was an accident.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
I also brought a little vising for you,
some gum and a half-eaten candy bar,
so it's like a fucking date night for you.
You're welcome.
Absolutely.
And I stole some of Josh's body wash
so you can wash your tank after you're done smoking this shit.
You guys are taint sensitive?
Okay.
Hey, if your tank gets dirty when you're smoking weed,
you're doing it wrong.
Or you're just nature-y.
Maybe you're getting high and rubbing the taint in the earth
to get back to it.
I just want to thank everybody who came out to my taint tour
this December.
We had a lovely time in San Diego and Irvine.
Taint tour?
Yeah, it's not hot.
I love how everything happens in San Diego.
Every year. Well, yeah, not. Everything happens in San Diego.
Well, yeah, San Diego is America's
finest city.
Yeah.
When you ask people, what do you think of San Diego?
They go, it's fine.
They're like, fine.
We have tacos.
Yes. Oh, yeah.
Go ahead and lay it on us Michael
What did you bring for the prize bag?
I brought me
Yeah
You brought
Sergeant Abraham
Schmagoegowitz
Sergeant Abraham Ford
Ford that's what I meant to say
Completely poseable
Comes with a gun
You can put this all around your house like my kids do.
In the fridge.
In the fridge?
Just holding on to the milk like, what's up?
Guarding the milk.
Oh, guarding the milk.
Right, not like, what's up?
People stealing milk in the house?
No.
Are they calcium deprived?
Because it's being guarded.
Yeah.
Get the milk.
All right.
Pass all that stuff down.
Thanks, you guys.
That's some great stuff to contribute to the bag.
Thank you.
Got it all?
That's good.
That's fine.
You guys are going to smell great.
I'm the only one who brought an actual bag.
So it's got to jam it all in there.
I guess so.
Just share it.
It's smallish.
You can put everything in the hat.
Great idea.
Thanks.
That was awesome.
You should start a church.
You can put everything in the hat.
Just put everything in the hat.
Hat, you guys.
Everybody gets a hat when they walk in. It's the church the hat. Just put everything in the hat. Hat, you guys. Everybody gets a hat when they walk in.
It's the church of hat.
The hat church.
How do you, like, one room doesn't even have this many soaps.
No, you go by, you take it off the cart.
You went to the cart and stole extra soap?
Oh, yeah.
I do this shit all the time.
The fucking cart?
Fuck yeah.
What do you do when she sees you doing it?
You're like, I'm dirty, bitch.
You don't, if you two are on the road,
I haven't bought soap in fucking seven years.
I believe that.
I'm serious.
I'm sitting next to her.
She's not lying.
I believe that.
I'm for real.
I'm not sure I'd be bragging about that.
I'm just saying.
I haven't bought soap in seven years.
Maybe eight years.
I gotta check my calendar.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Some of that shit dries you out, though.
It's real cheap.
Hey, is your cab named Pechulia Roberts?
Pechulia Roberts?
If it's not taken, that's a good one.
All right. Julia Roberts If it's not taken That's a good one Alright
So
That's a good
If someone's a hippie
Julia Roberts
If you have a lot of teeth
Julia Roberts
And hairy armpits
Julia Roberts
Take it with my compliments
You fucking weirdo
Alright
One more question
Did the show start?
Have we started
this is a show
you never ask that
on the weed show
and even less happens
on that show
than on this one
but
I just have a question
I'll start with Josh
because he's used to it
I don't want to
throw any fastballs
at my other
first time guests
Josh what was
the last movie
that you saw
I
I
Tanya
yeah it was people are excited the last movie that you saw? I, Tanya.
Yeah.
It was.
People are excited about the fact that you saw it.
Yeah.
Did you like it?
I loved it.
I think that one quote they use in the ads is pretty accurate, that it's the good fellas of ice skating movies.
Yeah.
It's so good.
I love ice skating movies or hockey movies. Anything where people are skating around and it
might be my one or two top
favorite ones ever. Have you
gone on YouTube and looked for interviews
with her real mom?
No. Holy shit.
Has anyone done that?
Also the real...
Tanya Harding's mom. The real
Jeff Gillooly's buddy also
must be amazing. Sean Eckhart. I went downooly's buddy also must be amazing Sean Eckhart
I did
I went
down the rabbit hole
he must be amazing
because the guy
in the movie
is such a
fucking buffoon
and it feels real
the interviews
with Sean Eckhart
he is like
when you watch
he's talking about
that he's like
doing covert ops
and stuff
for the government
we've actually
done the research
and we know
you're not
and he just goes
oh but I am that's real life that the research, and we know you're not. And he just goes, oh, but I am.
That's real life.
That's real life.
They were like, you're not.
He was like, but I am.
And they were like, okay.
And so that real interview is just crazy to watch.
Yeah, that guy's just got such a dumb face.
He's the dumbest.
When you watch the interviews, you're going to be like, oh, I'm watching an interview
with the dumbest person in the world. It's an amazing
thing. You're like, trying to act smart
and cool. It's so crazy.
It's crazy. But I love
the movie, and I thought Margot Robbie
was fucking amazing, and
Allison Janney was fucking amazing.
Yeah, they're both terrific in it, and
it's going to be a tough year for the ladies
at the Oscars, because it's
I don't, I wouldn't, I can't pick.
Who else are you throwing in there?
Well, because what's her name?
Frances McDormand is her competition for best actress.
Right.
Three billboards.
And in supporting actress, fucking Laurie Metcalf and Lady Bird.
Oh.
So fucking good.
Was so good.
Yeah.
I did see that. I saw it that I think it's between those two
my wife
that's not how it works
oh I jumped it
you can't do it yourself
people write to me on twitter
people write to me on twitter all the time
all caps my wife I'm like dude you're asking me to do it
that's not when it's fun to do it
and also there's a lot of people out there and I'll apologize to everybody who does this my wife. I'm like, dude, you're asking me to do it. That's not when it's fun to do it. And also,
there's a lot of people out there, and I'll apologize
to everybody who does this,
but because they listen to this show
in regular context
when my wife comes up, they scream
my wife. They're just
trying to live normal lives.
Out there when people are doing real life?
Yeah.
Like, I can do it all I want because I'm a stupid comedian.
But they can't do it.
Like in the office?
You can't do it in a bank.
Yeah.
You can't do it while your shit's being foreclosed.
Excuse me, sir.
Can I just wait for my wife?
My wife!
Fuck you.
Keep your house.
I'm going to try that next time.
I'm not even going to do the Borat voice.
I'm just going to be very angry at my wife
because I'm single and I'm jealous
of everybody that has a stable,
loving...
Oh my god. What was the last movie
that you saw, Michael?
You've had some time to think about it.
No, I watch a lot of crap on planes and I forget most of it.
Right.
It's hard to...
The Tower?
High Tower?
Dark Tower?
Dark Tower?
The High Tower?
I mean, that would have made a lot more sense if they called it The High Tower.
Because that movie is fucking ridiculous.
I haven't seen it
because it got such a low Rotten Tomatoes.
I don't know why it got such a...
I'll tell you why.
Because most people weren't watching it on a plane.
It was great on a plane.
Right, exactly.
So many movies get upgraded on a plane.
You know what?
I saw Waterworld five years after Waterworld because it got shit on because like, I don't
want to watch that movie because it's fucking $200 million.
Like, who cares?
Yeah.
And I saw it five years later.
I was like, this is a great summer movie.
It's a fun movie.
It's perfectly fun.
I'll see anything with Kevin Costner.
Yeah.
So what was it called again, the movie I saw?
Dark Tower.
Dark Tower.
That one.
It was great.
I thought it was fine.
It was Jude Law. I have a hard time with Jude Law. Dark Tower, that one. I thought it was fine. It was Jude Law.
I have a hard time with Jude Law.
It wasn't Jude Law.
Or Matthew McConaughey.
McConaughey plays
a villain. I watched Jude Law play
Matthew McConaughey in some Tower.
I don't know why I thought it was Jude Law.
I think because I watched the holidays six times
over the holidays.
Why would you do that?
Mom.
My mom.
Every time she gets drunk off a boxed wine.
That's worse for you than any drug.
And she'd want to watch the holiday.
Let's watch the holiday.
Repeatedly?
Oh, yeah.
It's like she's on some sort of loop.
She's on some weird lonely.
That's why you don't like Jude Law.
Yeah.
He's got a weird lispy thing and it pisses me off.
I hope you don't hold it against Jack Black because he's a treasurer.
I love Jack Black.
Okay.
National treasure.
Okay.
He wasn't in that, but yeah.
He wasn't in that.
Jumanji.
But Jude Law wasn't either.
He's in, yeah, Jack is in Jumanji and-
Biggest movie for Sony ever.
It doesn't have a terrible Rotten Tomatoes number because I think it's fun watching The Rock be like,
isn't he like a teenager inside his body?
They all have a different...
That to me already amps up, makes it more fun
than the first movie because in the first movie
they were just people running around from animals.
There's a teenager inside his body.
Yeah, they're all the kids become...
Like Jack Black is like a teenage girl.
That game has changed.
I remember shit. Everyone's just fine with that?
Where is he? Was he just in his ear hole the whole time?
In his ear hole.
There's a lot of pre-hatred of that movie
because it seems so packaged and remake and all that.
It's like Waterworld.
Yeah, just go and have fun.
Fucking just enjoy the movie.
Welcome to the jungle.
We've got fun and games.
It's all
in the words.
We're just trying to entertain you.
Stop taking it so seriously.
As Kevin Hart might say,
Kevin Hart!
Kevin Hart!
Shots fired.
That didn't sound anything like Kevin Hart, by the way. Oh yeah, you think you guys
a pleasant speaking voice?
The impressions tonight are just uncanny.
Alright, this is
Christopher Walken
when he finds out his flight
has been cancelled. Why?
Alright.
What was the
last movie you saw Jess and Mary?
Josh, as always, lighten up.
Have some fun.
Yeah, sorry.
So simple.
Perfect. Last movie I saw last All right. So simple. Perfect.
Last movie I saw last night, The Big Sick.
Oh.
Why did it take you so long?
Did you get a screener?
I liked when there's a movie that pops, I like to wait, just chill.
Everyone's all cray-cray about it.
I just like to wait for a minute and then just see it on my own time.
And I loved it.
I definitely cried a little.
Oh, you watched it on your own device?
Yeah.
So not with an audience?
No, I just watched it.
I mean, I had my three dogs.
Because I have a theory about The Big Sick.
Yeah?
I think the people who saw it with an audience think it's a comedy,
and the people who watch it on their own
think it's a drama.
Yeah.
Wow.
Because it's got a lot of funny lines in it
that if you're in a room full of people,
people laugh at it. But if you're in a room full of people People laugh at it
But if you're just by yourself
You're like
I laughed out loud
You did?
Yeah and I hardly ever do that with movies
She did, I watched her
So she actually did have that
But she doesn't really know that
But she does now
Now I know
Hey by the way, what was this?
It was him looking through the closet
Like in 1980s
Creeping
I thought it was somebody using their eye on a vagina.
That's literally how I was.
I will...
Sideways.
I will...
I'm looking sideways through your legs.
Not even at you.
Just pass through your legs
to something else.
Your vagina happens to be
to the left of my eye.
That's the only viewpoint I have.
Yeah, the big sick.
It's okay to put your eye
on a woman's vagina if you ask first, right?
I'm trying to figure out the rules.
I have the rules.
I know the rules and I can speak
on the rules because I have a penis.
Don't fuck anyone unless they want you to.
Is it?
Well, I just asked about putting an eye on a vagina,
so there's definitely some gray areas.
Pretty simple.
But my point is just, is it can I or may I?
Which is the proper?
Stop looking at me.
Was that where Louis went astray as as he said can i instead of may i
yes you can but you may not this has nothing to do with movies obviously but well he made
but my point that i want to make is it's still so funny to me that he said i asked first he still brought that up
in the apology like he was still like but i asked first like that was ever on the table that's just
some dumb he asked like this bullshit may i and his dick is out like he's barely finished the
sentence yeah oh crazy and now dave Chappelle's kind of defending him,
saying those women were weak by saying that they got out of comedy because of him.
I mean, shut the fuck up.
It's not good.
No, you can't parade after somebody just pulls their dick out
and just jerks off in front of women like that.
No, let's paint the picture.
Paint the picture fully.
They were still wearing their coats.
That's right. He pulled his dick out. It was Aspen Paint the picture fully. They were still wearing their coats. That's right.
They were in a jacket.
He pulled his dick out.
It was Aspen in the wintertime.
They were inside.
It was breezy.
He put on,
maybe it's cold outside,
on the Victrola.
And he made some martinis
that he stirred with his dick.
As he put on his house slippers.
Anyway.
And they still were wearing their coats.
I can't imagine what he looks like naked.
That's just terrifying to me.
It's like the out-of-work circus clown.
He looks fine.
An out-of-work circus clown
that you found in a river
after it had been bloated dead for a week.
He's never going to hire me.
Terrible visual.
I'm sorry.
He's speaking to her.
It looked like he was being attacked by fire ants.
All right.
Here we go.
People are disgusted.
They want, people want me to say this.
Burt doesn't, but everybody else does.
Let the games begin!
Lady and gentlemen,
you are assigned with the task of going out into the crowd
and selecting who you'd like to play for
based on a name tag that they have fashioned
with various media through various means.
There's some good ones out there.
Jessamay is already having a nice laugh,
but it looks like Michael went right for EZ, a.k.a. ET,
and Jessamay loves the shine
nick where
it's like the bubbly head.
You can put your head in there. Yeah, why not?
I'm supposed to take this from you, right?
It's only flu season, no big.
And I'm
playing for him.
Is that what you said? Yeah, you're playing on behalf
of EZ.
Sorry about that.
Michael, look to your right and then to your left
and then get some confidence
because these... I mean, they're dummies.
These are not good players.
What do you got?
I'm playing for Beetlejuice.
That's good.
Okay, so it's the Beetlejuice soundtrack album
in plastic
with Jess just slapped on there.
Yeah.
What about that did you like?
I just liked that movie.
It's a great movie.
If they remake that, I'll be fucking pissed!
And you know what else I really liked?
It was within reach.
Well, okay, the next time that you're on the show,
I would like your wife, the director,
to pick a name tag instead of you.
I thought you were going to say be within reach.
I was like, oh, man.
You got it.
If she's here.
You got it.
Yeah.
She'd be better at it.
No offense, Beetle Jess.
And also, Beetle Jess,
you must know your chances of winning are very slim.
Yeah, she actually tried to pull it away from me.
She was like...
All right, you guys.
Did we talk about your...
Yeah, we talked about the shy Nick, right?
I mean, I don't really think so, but it's here.
Yeah, we talked about it. This is fun. We talked about I don't really think so, but it's here. Yeah, we talked about it.
This is fun.
We talked about it plenty.
Yeah, okay.
There you go.
It's done.
Did anybody get a picture of her with it on?
Does anyone want one of those?
Yeah.
I just, you know, I don't like when people take pictures.
I do.
Constantly.
I don't want people to take pictures constantly,
but if one picture of that would be okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Can you make the Jack Nicholson face?
Oh, yeah.
She nailed it.
What if he busted through
and was just sad like that? That's fun.
What is that?
Here's Jenny.
You know what I need to do?
I need to make the face that
everyone makes after Josh Wolf
shows them the worst video
I have ever seen in my life.
If you make it to being Josh Wolf's friend
If you make it to being Josh's wolf
then you better
phone home. You're going to get sodomized.
Will you send me down that video?
He has this terrible video that he shows you
that it just scars you emotionally.
And it involves
body parts coming out when they shouldn't.
I don't know if anyone knows about this video.
I've known Josh for a while. He hasn't
shown it to me and I'm living life.
You're not real friends. Life is good. I'm happy.
Let's play
a game called
Live, Die,
Repeat.
Live, Die, repeat. Live, die, repeat.
Yeah.
I'm going to say very slowly the full title of a movie.
And the first one of you that can repeat back completely and correctly the movie that I'm thinking of,
that person is the winner of this game.
Is there like a buzz or anything?
Josh loves this game. No, you can just guess as often as you like. It's just a matter
of who can say the full title
first.
Oh my God. I'm already stressed.
Okay. Josh is like, I'm already
lost.
We can't even speak proper English.
My wife! All you gotta
do
is We can't even speak proper English. My wife! All you gotta do is repeat after me
unless you think you know what I'm talking about
then certainly by all means
jump ahead of me.
The more times you say it, the more confusing it is, so just go.
Let's just try it and see what happens.
Josh is sitting over there
going, finally I have a chance.
That's exactly
my goddamn life yeah do you suck at this this game oh i've never won i was like josh i'm gonna
have you on the show who are the who do you think are the two worst stupidest who are your stupidest
friends who should we have bring them it'll be awesome i I love having Josh on the show.
He's always a great guest, a big laugher,
just all-around fun.
But I wanted to give you a chance for once.
Here we go.
I think we just got insulted.
Oh, we'll see.
Jess, you got a shot.
Oh, shit.
I don't know.
You could have shown up here and been really good at this,
but we'll see.
All right.
I don't know for sure.
The tower or something?
That's just the pre-release.
Just repeat it back. It's that simple.
Just repeat it back.
No one in the audience help, please,
at any point during this game.
For some reason, some people feel there's a point
where they can jump in. Nope.
Not at all.
Harry? And the Hendersons. Harry and. Nope. Nope. Not at all. Harry.
And the Hendersons.
Harry and the Hendersons.
Harry Met Sally.
Harry.
Harry Met Sally.
Harry.
Harry Met Sally comma when?
Yeah.
Potter.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
That's the only one I knew.
Harry Potter. wait so the words
are not the beginning
Harry Potter and
the Hogwarts castle crawl
I'm sorry Nick
Harry Potter
and the
the rest of them
Harry Harry Potter and the rest of the world. Wishes of Eastwick.
Harry Potter.
And the
Oh, you can see it?
Well, just look right at it and say it.
That's how I got through high school.
Don't fucking show me.
The Harry Potter
and the
Eagle Rye
Death.
The Death Stone.
The Death. You said Death. The Death. You stole me.
The Death.
Death?
You said Death? Harry Potter.
Death.
Harry Potter.
Harry Potter.
My spouse is killing me.
The.
Death?
Death.
Deathly.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Deathly Hallows.
Harry Potter.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the rest of them little motherfuckers.
And the Deathly Hallows.
Yes, the Hallows.
Underground, near the castle,
with the snake.
Harry Potter
and the Deathly Hallows.
Hall.
Mr. Clark.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Part two.
It's correct!
Who said that?
Did Josh get it?
Did you know it all along?
You knew it all along?
I still don't know it!
Is that it?
Oh, shit.
That was... Son of a bitch!
Harry Potter
Hallows
Part 2
is the full correct title.
That is the best.
Awesome.
I think I just realized
I don't have to be better
than any of you guys.
I only have to fucking be better
than these two.
Oh, shit.
By the way,
that game should give you great confidence
moving forward. In life, it should.
Yeah, bitch.
I don't know about great confidence.
Raise your hand
if you
didn't know what it was after like four or five words.
I still don't know.
Not too many people in this audience.
Yeah, I know you guys didn't know.
I think we proved that.
Yeah!
Shit.
There's like 20 of them.
Alright, let's go.
Come on.
Let's keep going.
Come on.
Give us more.
Eager Al all of a sudden.
Let's play ABC Deez Nuts.
Deez Nuts.
I've never played this game.
Not to be confused with Suck My Nuts,
which I would never say
because I don't like what happens
right after you say it.
You're looking for a new job?
Somebody's like, what?
You might as well be like,
don't get the reference.
What?
I think they said what
because they didn't get the reference.
Do you get the reference?
No, that's why I said what.
So how tight are you?
How much of his comedy do you watch, Michael?
Like, very little.
Okay.
I don't really find him funny.
Thank you for being a friend.
No, I am aware that Josh is funny.
So you didn't watch him on Walking Dead?
Yeah, I watched him on Walking Dead? Yeah, I watched him
on Walking Dead.
Oh, okay.
Because when he got
murdered in the face,
it was when he said,
suck my nuts.
Let me ask you something.
How many times
have I been on this show?
Does it surprise you
I don't remember
what the fuck he said
on a television show
a year ago?
I don't know.
That's a classic line, dude.
Nobody said those three words
for any reason ever. I don't know. That's a classic line. Yeah, I don't know. Nobody said those three words for any reason ever.
I don't
remember.
I don't remember.
He probably remembers the time you were on
My Name is Earl and you walked in and
went, what?
I actually
said, what
time is it? Is what I said.
That was the game.
I don't know.
I was really...
Part of it right, but there was a little extra.
I was really entertained by that impression.
I'm so happy with what I did there.
All right.
This is a spelling game.
Michael, you got to go first, and then we'll go to Jessamay.
I was just getting the hang of the other game.
Oh, you're gonna love
this one.
This one,
that one is
a little harder
than this one.
All you gotta do
is I'm gonna give you
a letter, Michael.
All you gotta do
is name any movie
that begins with that letter.
Any movie at all.
But we're gonna spell,
because it's the new year,
we're gonna spell
Happy New Year.
So we're going to start with you, Michael, with the letter H.
All you've got to do is name any movie that begins with the letter H.
If you match the one I've written down previous to this,
previously, then you win the game automatically.
But that's, you know, don't worry too much about that.
There's oftentimes a theme will emerge.
And when I say often times
I mean every time.
So you really mean
every time?
I think so.
So, okay, I got it.
I don't think you're playing.
I got it.
No, I got it, I got it.
I didn't think I did
but I know.
Okay sounded like
a question was coming.
No, but I figured it out midstream.
So okay.
I got it.
Midstream.
Okay.
Okay, you got it.
H to you there, Michael.
Any movie that begins with H?
Hellboy.
Oh, that's a great one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I went with Happy Death Day,
which features Jessica Roth,
who stars in your...
Who made that movie?
My wife.
Oh, they expected it.
You didn't give it to them.
I'm not giving it up.
I was waiting for it.
I held my breath.
I went...
The way you...
So dramatic.
My wife.
I thought you were gonna give me
the angry my wife
I also
oh I forgot the angry one
that's why I said it like that
but wait you just said
my wife
so many surprises
here's if you ever get a chance
to see it you guys
I'm sorry if I brought this up before
but
Martin Sheen, Wall
Street, scene with his son
Charlie Sheen, in
an elevator. Oliver
Stone's Wall Street. You've
got to see this scene. Because I love
Martin Sheen. I think he's a great actor.
But I don't know what the fuck was happening that day.
Lots of winning.
Because he
lays into the word wallet
in an insane
way
do it
he's like I don't know about you son
but I don't judge a man
based on the size of his
WALLET
you know Oliver Stone
had 80 takes
and that's the one
he goes with.
He and Martin
didn't get along.
Fuck you, Martin.
Putting this take in.
At the premiere,
Martin's like,
that's the fucking take
he went with?
Okay.
All right.
That is crazy.
I gave him one
where I yelled
on every word.
He just picked wallet.
I don't judge a man by this.
He's almost mumbling.
I don't judge a man by this.
Wallet!
All right.
A is your letter.
Jess and May.
Any movie that ends with A.
Even Black Annie would count.
I gotta tell you what my movie is.
That's just what it's called on the streets.
I heard a guy once.
Call me back.
Hey. I heard. Do it. Arachnophobia. Yeah with that. Hey.
I heard.
Do it.
Arachnophobia.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See how easy that is?
One of my favorite movies.
Yeah.
I went with
An Affair to Remember.
Oh, fuck you.
I would have gone
with Apocalypse Man.
Really?
All right.
Okay.
You know.
John Goodman?
Don't worry about the theme
or anything.
John Goodman? John Goodman's an arachnophobia
oh yeah
yes
did I miss a theme
bonus point you're in the lead
what was the theme
was there a theme
happy death day is a theme
what's the fucking theme
so far we got got Happy Death Day
and A Fair to Remember
and P is the next letter
to Josh.
P.
Do it. Somebody in the audience says
Purple Rain. Do it.
That does begin with P.
But I went with a movie where a boat flips over
on New Year's Eve called Poseidon.
Yeah.
And now we have another P for Michael.
Periscope Up.
You mean Down Periscope?
No.
I don't fucking judge the movies you watch, buddy.
It begins with a D.
No, I went with a movie called Pollock.
Apparently there's some New Year's shit in there.
In the movie Pollock.
Like maybe he splatters everybody at a party with paint.
Maybe.
He says, congratulations,
you're a Pollock.
Ed Harris is always scary.
Him as a painter just flicking his paint
on everything.
Seems intense.
You think that's how
they picked you?
Marsha Gay Harden.
Harden. Got one. No, she won an Oscar for that movie how they picked you? Marsha Gay Harden. Harden.
Got one.
No, she won an Oscar for that movie.
For Pollock?
Mm-hmm.
She's great.
Whose turn is it?
Why is the next letter?
Fuck.
No.
Is that me?
I think it was.
It's me.
Oh, it's Jessamyn.
Just say anything that begins with Y.
You know, like movies that start with the word like you or y'all.
Yellow.
Yeah.
Shut the fuck up.
You sound like you're having a stroke.
I am right now.
Yeah, yambo.
It's so hard to think of a why.
Yellow.
Yellow.
Yellow submarine.
Okay.
Is that a movie?
Yeah.
It is?
Yeah.
Isn't that an album?
Yeah.
It's also like an album with a movie?
It's also an album, yes.
Like Purple Rain?
Yeah, the Beatles were crazy like that.
Had like four or five
movies slash albums.
That's some real, real
acid trip shit.
That is wild.
All their movies are named
after albums
or vice versa.
Yellow Submarine.
Why I went with Yanks.
Richard Gere.
Apparently that has some
New Year's Eve stuff in it.
And Josh.
Yeah.
Hang on.
People in the audience think you've got
what it takes. Yeah. They're encouraging.
Notting Hill.
Oh, okay.
Oh!
I was like, K?
You're just a boy standing in front of another boy
Answering a trivia question
I went with New Year's Evil
New Year's Evil
Oh
Okay, alright
I haven't seen that, that sounds fun
E is the next letter for Michael.
Fuck you.
E.
E.
E.
D.
Phone.
Oh no, we've been infested by
the fuck?
By vowel ghosts.
Oh shit.
Should have thought about this before it got to me.
Ghosts of the electric company.
Your wife just called you a dummy.
Your wife.
Your wife!
Delayed.
Send that video.
Oh, here we go.
There's
Vaping.
Oh, you're going E.T., the extraterrestrial
and his adventures on Earth?
Because that guy right there
sitting there going,
he's a fucking moron.
That took forever.
I didn't even think of that.
My face hurts.
I went with end of days.
That's because you're just
fucking negative.
That's true.
W.
W.
Oh, yeah, W.
I mean, you got all the what, where, and where, why, and who's.
They're all at your disposal.
I'm not falling for that.
Smart.
Yeah. Smart play
A bad play
You may want to
You may want to
Rethink your strategy
Okay
Who
Who
That's a real reverse psychology
I know
It's a fuck
I'm in a fucking
Mental tornado right now
Let me just help you out
let me narrow it down
for you
it's not water
for elephants
it's water world
no
which is a really good movie
I saw it five years after
I was just trying to like
let him know
it's a callback
to his
airplane movie
do you have like
favorite
New Year's Eve scene from a movie
of like all time, Jess and me?
No, I don't.
You don't?
There's not one movie.
I mean, I think of the Poseidon Adventure.
I think of the boat flipping over
and everybody, people dying.
A lot of people think of like a romantic.
Is everyone?
They have like a romantic,
like, oh, that's the most romantic.
Just buying time. I'm not. No, like, oh, that's the most romantic. I'm just buying time.
I'm not.
No, no, you've already lost.
I would just say do the one with Waterworld and roll with it.
I like Waterworld.
He wouldn't accept it.
He wouldn't accept it at all.
No, I think Waterworld has been accepted.
No, it hasn't, Josh.
I mean, I don't even know what time.
I'm going to get set on fire.
I don't know when that movie takes place.
Does everyone know the W?
I don't even know if New Year's happens during that movie,
but probably not,
because they at least splash around or something.
There was that...
I can't think.
There's plenty of water.
I could shoot some of it into the air.
When Harry Met Sally.
Fucking son of a...
Okay, why is the next letter?
Fucking.
Fuck, all I can think of is I'm next and it's an E.
Yeah, E's not a good one.
I'm not even thinking that far ahead.
I'm just trying to be in the moment.
Try thinking ahead.
No, I'm going with my strategy.
Give that a whirl.
I'm sticking with it.
Bye.
What do you got for why, buddy?
Yantle.
Oh.
Dude, I almost wrote that down.
Because I couldn't think of another movie that has New Year's or the word happy in the title.
So I just went with Yanks again.
Shut up.
I double yanked it.
Are you serious?
It's a total double yank.
I'm going to write that down.
That's double yank.
Sometimes that's enough.
Double yank.
You guys should suggest hashtags
because I always have a place to write them down
but I always forget to do it.
E.
Michael. Fuck you.. All right. E. Michael.
Fuck you.
Anything that begins with E.
Anything that begins with an E.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That happens to be a movie title.
Election.
Don't you?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Who really is a fucking moron
Eat, pray, love
You're ruining it for me
Eat, pray, love
He's actually, he's helping
Yeah, I know, in the wrong way
Enter the dragon
That sounds like a porno, like legit
It could be, but
Give me a second
Because it gets better.
Shut up.
Apologies to whatever's next.
We're early tonight, so I don't know who's on after us.
Put your hands back together next week?
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
They're going on late.
What do you got?
Yeah
Sorry improvisers
Michael
Michael was thinking
About a question
I keep thinking of something
I don't even know
If it's a movie
Oh say it
I can't wait to hear it
Even Steven
I feel like it's a
Fucking Parker Posey Fucking movie Or something It's a Disney show With Shia LaBeou I feel like it's a fucking Parker Posey
fucking movie or something.
It's a Disney show with Shia LaBeouf.
So it is a thing. It was a LaBeouf show.
Shia LaBeouf before he was a murderer.
Yeah.
He won Emmys
for that before he murdered one of his own teeth.
He did. He took a tooth out
for that movie Fury and it was totally worth it.
Yeah.
Dustin Hoffman told me.
A is the next letter.
Oh, is he done?
He slept me.
Who are we on to?
Who's A?
I'm just going to scream out an E movie
like I have Tourette's in about 10 minutes.
Tourette's isn't funny.
I wish there was a person with E movie Tourette's.
I would hang out with them.
I get it.
E Tourette's.
Oh, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Edge of Tomorrow.
Fuck you.
Live, Die, Repeat.
There's a lot of edges.
Hey, Jess and May.
Hey, Doug.
Epocalypse Now.
In Pig Latin, Eamescray. in piglet and eames gray hey
hey
hey
hey
this is your serenity live audition
oh my god can you imagine
i'm gonna make one now.
They accept just audio?
Christopher Walken.
Just one vowel, that's it?
Awakenings.
Oh, okay.
Sure.
He probably slept through a few holidays.
He probably slept through a few holidays.
He probably slept through a few years before they found the dopamine
and it made him better,
but also it wasn't perfect.
Did I summarize that movie great?
I went with Assault of Precinct 13.
Yeah.
That happens on New Year's, I guess.
Red Dawn.
And the last one is R, Red Dawn, not on New Year's, I guess. Red Dawn. And the last one is R, Red Dawn, not on New Year's.
Radio Days was on New Year's.
That is a tough one, you guys.
New Year's movies are hard to come by.
But that means that Michael gets to go first in our final game
because he is still the prevailing champion of the evening.
You need a sip from your boot?
Boot's good.
Okay.
That was a cool noise, lady.
Nah!
I tell her to not make any noises whatsoever,
and then those come out.
Because when you're trying to hold it in,
then when you let it out, it's fucking freaky.
It was like an agreeable goose.
Yeah.
Because I'm with you on all
geese being disagreeable.
I'm with you on that too.
They are disagreeable as fuck.
They invented the car horn.
They invented get out of my way.
Get out of my way.
When they fly south, they're like, nah, nah, nah, nah.
That's what they're saying the whole time.
Yeah, they're like, nah, nah, don't do it.
Too cold.
Nah, nah, don't do it.
There's one goose that's just like, nah.
Oh, my God.
And she's here tonight?
She's here. What, are you making notes of that?
What are you doing?
Oh boy here it comes
She's a snorter
Yeah here it comes
And I fell in love with her on the first snort
Yeah
But that's just me
Because I'm fucking weird like that
I'm like you snorted
You're adorable
And a little disgusting me some fucking weird like that. I'm like, you snorted. You're adorable.
And a little disgusting.
DVD title.
Which just makes you more adorable.
Which was more fun to make?
Babe or Babe 2, Pig in the City?
I don't know.
It was a snorting joke.
You just spit on your microphone. I'm sorry. Sanitize.
It's a lot worse on this.
Where is Ntombi? Here's Ntombi. and then you just spit on your microphone. I'm sorry. Sanitize. This is delightful. It's a lot worse on this. All right.
Where is Ntombi?
Here's Ntombi.
Ntombi.
Yes.
All right.
I apologize. Wow, that was the response of someone
whose name is always pronounced incorrectly.
Yeah.
How'd you get?
Yeah.
No, I, you know,
I definitely thought about it.
She's going to murder me in the parking lot.
I'm that guy.
Candace, you're a dick.
Yeah, I'm just so used to people
throwing an initial at the front
that I apologize for that.
So listen,
N-Tarby.
Where you from?
N-Tarby.
Now you're about fucked yourself up.
Everybody give a warm welcome to Natambi.
This is what I learned in the internet this month.
Could you say your name for us, please?
Hi, I'm Natambi.
Natambi.
Natambi.
Welcome.
I'm from Boston, but I live here now.
Yeah, Boston. Natami I'm from Boston but I live here now Yeah Boston He's from Boston too
That was the most
Un-Boston cheer
I've ever heard
Yeah Boston
It was like Connecticut
That was Boston baked
Yeah
Boston baked beans.
That's Boston light.
You're welcome.
Yeah, you don't have to say the third word.
Hey, Boston.
You guys knew where I was going with that.
Listen.
There should have been a fist accompanied with that.
They fight in Boston.
There's a lot of weird noises.
No, that guy over there was worried you were going to put a fist in him.
It's like a Telemundo shock.
What?
I do knew.
All right, listen,
we got to wrap it up.
She snorts
and she requested the fist.
Request the fist.
I'm just reading back
the list.
Natambi.
All right, we got
five minutes more at most.
Okay. So you guys
You need to focus
Alright
Here hit this again
Focus
Natambi
Hey
Josh needs a little
That's smooth huh
Smooth it's good
I'm so glad
I'm not getting
High tonight
Right cause it's good I'm so glad I'm not getting higher night Right, because it's Tuesday?
Like you need one special night
It would be bad
What's the name you got
for Last Man Stanton?
Susan Sarandon
Susan Sarandon
The great
Susan Sarandon
So what we're going to do you guys is take turns naming movies that got Susan Sarandon. So what we're going to do, you guys,
is take turns naming movies that got
Susan Sarandon in them.
If at any point, even in the first
round, you can't think of one, or you
want some help, you can go to your lifeline, which
is the person whose name tag you chose.
Michael can go to Easy.
Jess May can go
to fucking Nick.
I can sense this.
You're going to do so. I can sense this. Josh can go
to Jess.
Beetle Jess.
Beetle Jess.
Yes.
Alright, and Michael gets to go
first. Any Susan
Sarandon movie? Beetlejuice.
Wait.
Now listen, if you're not
going to take this seriously. Beetlejuice. Wait. Now listen, if you're not going to take this seriously...
Beetlejuice.
I know the movie, but I don't know the title.
Well, you go to your lifeline now,
and then maybe some of the other titles will jog your memory.
I'm going to my lifeline, the Sean Penn one.
Thelma and Louise.
Thelma and Louise.
Thelma and Louise, the great Sean Penn one.
Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise, the great Sean Penn one. Thelma and Louise.
Okay, so there you go.
So you're on the board there.
Now let's hear what the other people have to say.
Michael, maybe it'll help you out.
Might be sequels, whatnot.
Who knows?
Sarandoned sequels?
Josh, you're next.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I got it
Doug I gotta tell you
I've never been so confident
Go to your lifeline
I've never been so confident
About what?
Really? Are you serious?
Right now about this game
It's cause of Ben Higgins
Okay so say it
Well no she's
It's her turn right?
No no don't
No it's your turn
You're so confident
Oh Dead Man Walking Okay Well, no, she's... It's her turn, right? No, no, you go. You're so confident.
Oh, Dead Man Walking.
Okay.
Classics.
Good ones.
Yeah, she won the Oscar for that one.
Really going to tell each other's styles now when I tell you my movie.
Come on.
Stepmom.
Yes.
Yeah, you know... Women like tearjerkers.
We like to access our emotions.
You know how to watch TBS.
Yes, I do.
100%.
You're good at it.
100%.
Probably comes on every year around Mother's Day.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, Michael.
So we've got Thelma and Louise, Dead Men Walking, and Stepmom.
What's your name?
Z.
What is it?
Z.
Z?
Yeah.
The letter?
He went E-Z instead of E-T.
Is there more than just the letter?
He's got more.
Saeed.
Okay.
Dude, we ain't buddies yet.
He can say it right back to you.
Michael learned on the internet.
I want to know his name because I'm going to be asking, I'm going to be calling on his name a lot.
He can't.
You can only ask him once.
You only go to him once.
Then I'm not going to be calling on him.
You don't need to ever have anything to do with Z
ever again.
I'm going to talk to
see if I can get some inspiration.
What does he have to do now?
Did you guys know that in the post
Bob Odenkirk plays a character whose name
this is a real person, a real life character.
His name is Bob Dick Bagzian.
Anyway.
So you gotta go to your lifeline again?
They just kept saying Dick Bagzian without cracking up.
I was like, this movie is not real.
My lifeline's been taken from me.
So you need to guess on your own.
My lifeline saved me. I'm on my own now. I'm sorry, that's is not real. My lifeline's been taken from me. So you need to guess on your own. My lifeline saved me.
I'm on my own now.
I'm sorry,
that's not it.
It's Dick Bagalicious.
Go through the alphabet.
Go through the alphabet.
That sounds like
Kevin Hart's next special.
Dick's Bagalicious.
Dick Bagalicious!
You're wild!
Okay, so Michael,
you're out?
No, shut up. Come on, Michael. Come on, Susan Sarandon. Okay, so Michael, you're out? No, shut up.
Come on, Michael.
Come on, Susan Sarandon.
First she was in, then later she was in.
The sequel.
Yeah, she was in fart and double fart.
Deuce is wild.
We gotta go.
We got a minute.
I'm out.
Fuck.
You're up, Jessamay Do you wanna
Do you wanna say something
Before you
At the end
Like suck my nuts
Or
Wow he went there
Yeah I did
Why don't you take another hit
From the pen
Yeah
Good idea
That's what you should've
Fucking said to Negan
Why don't you get more high, you asshole?
Get a little more high.
Yeah, fuck.
All right.
Josh.
You know what?
Why do I get skipped?
I would let him skip you.
Because we're going around the other...
We switched the order.
I would let him skip you.
You were fine with it in the previous round when Josh was surprised.
Oh, yeah.
He skips you and Josh...
Oh, that's right.
Right, right.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay.
I was super confident
and now I'm not
as confident.
But I think,
wasn't she in
Banger Sisters?
Son of a...
Wow.
Damn it.
Yeah.
I don't know
how you pulled that one out.
That's pretty impressive. Of your butt. Wait, I think I know how you pulled that one out. That's pretty impressive.
Of your butt.
Wait, I think I know one more.
Did you go to Nick yet, Jess and me?
Nick?
Okay.
Help her out, Nick.
See, I gave you some time.
Bull Durham.
Bull Durham.
Yes.
Nick!
Yes.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to be... I'm going to be...
I'm just going to ask Jess.
Do you got one?
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Oh, my God!
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Yes!
And now it's back to you.
Now it's back to Jessamay.
I was going to go with Banger Sisters.
I'm just going to say Sean Penn.
I don't know the name of the movie.
Sean Penn.
Oh, throwing out clues over here.
It's not helping me.
We already said Dead Man Walking.
I said that one already.
You know, Jack Black is in that.
Dead Man Walking, yeah.
That's not what I'm talking about.
He's Sean Penn's brother.
I just keep thinking of Ping Pong
cause she had that
Ping Pong bar
for a while
and I'm just like
is there a movie
called Ping Pong
yes
there's not
Susan Sarandon
alright
I can't think
you know what's about
to happen Doug I can't believe it oh my god I can't believe you know what's about to happen Doug
I can't believe it
I can't believe it
I mean do you know
what's about to happen
you're welcome
this was all planned
I think that's about to happen
it was all planned you're googling it now
you can't Google it.
I know I need to know
what I'm
We're done.
He's checking it out.
Did I officially win?
I think you did.
Yeah.
I think you're the winner.
I just want to thank you
all for being here tonight.
The night that I won
Doug's Love Movies.
I think I'd walk away right now. I'd walk away
and I think that's what happens.
I want to say the meddler.
Congratulations.
The client.
Oh.
She's been in a lot of
movies.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Didn't she wear a baseball
uniform? Anywhere but here.
Natalie. Yeah, Natalie Portman.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Late sleeper.
Wow. Late sleeper.
And had I said The Last of Robin Hood,
y'all would have been like, no.
Who's seen Atlantic City?
Nobody.
Come on.
Come on.
Somebody.
Oh, my God.
Bernard and Doris.
She rubs lemons on her breasts in that movie.
That's sanitary.
It cleans it all out.
Robot and Frank.
But was she in a baseball movie?
Besides Bull Durham?
Yeah, it was called
Bull Durham.
Besides,
she wears a uniform.
She's not in a League of Their Own!
Gina Davis, you racist!
Racist?
I do get them mixed up.
Speed racer.
We gotta go, you guys.
Enchanted.
Oh yeah, speed racer.
Lovely bones. She's in a million movies. We gotta go, you guys. Enchanted. Oh, yeah, Speed Racer. All right.
Lovely bones.
She's in a million movies.
I fucking love that movie. Witches of Eastwick, of course.
I'm eating coba biloba before I come to the show.
You actually said Witches of Eastwick earlier in the show.
Listen, just because you wanted me, you can rub it in my fucking face.
Listen, this woman has done a lot of movies.
She should probably do this for a living.
Beetle Jess,
come get your prizes.
Congratulations.
Watch your step.
No lawsuits.
No lawsuits.
And let's do some plugs
real quick.
Josh, what do you got to plug?
I do a podcast
with Freddie Prinze Jr.
called Prince and the Wolf,
which is a lot of fun.
You can check it out on iTunes
and comedianjoshwolf.com for tour dates.
And I'll be in Buffalo,
I think the 10th, 11th, and 12th of this month.
All right.
And that movie that somebody...
And her movie.
Give me a good one.
And my wife's movie.
My wife Wife
A little remix
Yeah
A little of both
Her movie comes out
On January 19th
It's called Forever My Girl
It is a
Forever My Girl
You guys
It's a fantastic movie
It has no swearing
It's a really
Really good movie
Really good movie
I'm not kidding around
Yeah
He's not
Yeah
A lot of people
Listen to my fucking show
They're like
I want something
That doesn't have swearing
There is no swearing
That's what I said
There's no swearing
Yeah
That's impressive
There's people out there
That like that sort of thing
Yeah
Yeah
Brian Regan's really funny
He's the funniest
He doesn't swear
Michael Cudlitz What's going on This has been a pleasure First of all He's the funniest. He doesn't swear.
Michael,
Cudlitz,
what's going on?
This has been a pleasure first of all
and secondly
what
where can people see you?
What's up?
You can catch
Josh and Freddie Prince
on the podcast
available on iTunes.
No, I got nothing going on
at all.
It's kind of sad
when you say it like that,
isn't it?
You haven't started
a podcast?
I got a movie coming out
next year,
but it's a ways away.
It's too early?
Story of John DeLorean.
It's kind of awesome,
actually.
He was a famous
time traveler.
He was a famous
time traveler.
He was.
Actually, we're not going to make it.
So that's it.
Well, thank you very much for being here, dude.
And Jessamay Peluso.
Yes.
What's up?
I've got my sharp tongue podcast that I do on all the things.
But what is it called? We know what you
do on it. Sharp Tongue Podcast.
I'm going to be at the Denver
Comedy Works for Martin Luther King
Weekend. 14th, 15th
and 16th. Don't know why
Denver, yeah.
So many weird
noises.
People just set off my things. Denver, yeah. People just set off by things.
Denver, yeah.
And Denver, yeah, used to be a thing on the show.
And jessiemay.com for all that stuff.
Okay.
Yeah.
Awesome.
How do you feel you did tonight?
Pretty fucking bad.
But I had a great time.
I think everyone's going to love it.
I had a great time.
I think people are going to beg for more.
Awesome.
I'm going to do regular installments
of the dumbest dummies.
We got to be on the greatest dummies.
Tonight's episode of You Thought You Were Stupid.
Doug knows movies,
but nobody else who's on the podcast with him does.
We're back with more of Wait, Do Tell Me.
Doug Loves Movies is back in San Diego with the American Comedy Company on February 14th, Valentine's Day.
Love, is it real? It's becoming a San Diego tradition. and Comedy Company on February 14th, Valentine's Day! Love isn't real.
It's becoming a San Diego
tradition.
Be sure to hashtag
DoubleYank
and one more
time for all my guests, Josh Wolf,
Michael
Cudlitz, and
Jessime Peluso.
As always, I don't
need your shithead, Josh, because you won.
You prevailed.
I know this has never happened. Yeah, so what do I do
with it? Take it back. Just give them back their
stupid Beetlejuice album. Why don't you get to keep that? You should keep that.
I mean, it's a lovely Beetlejuice album.
Nick, I can't keep this?
Wait, wait.
Oh yeah, there's some shit on it.
I need that.
My bad.
I'm going to throw it at you.
Try to wrap this up.
What happened?
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, I lost.
I might as well sign your fucking action figure.
Sure, whatever I can do to make you feel better, buddy.
McDonald's.
I'm just going to go home and cry myself to sleep.
McDonald's forgetting to give me my second cheeseburger is a shithead?
I'm glad you were able to get back at that.
Probably no more important issues to you in your life.
This one makes more sense to me.
Having to go back to New York where it's negative two degrees is a shithead.