Doug Loves Movies - John DiMaggio, Patrick Moote, and Moshe Kasher Guest
Episode Date: October 22, 2013Doug welcomes actor Patrick Moote, voice actor John DiMaggio, and returning Leonard Maltin Game winner Moshe Kasher to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California ...Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug Hayes, when he runs a street, he's who he's seen, he sees, he has a heart for a person who is he, there's still not one that he won't see, but the love of movies!
Hey everybody! My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies!
All right.
We're coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, California, with a K,
on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2 Oceans 13.
I should have taken a look at the stage setup
because the guy that normally sets it up, Jimmy
he's not here this week
but you know what
I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm not gonna
complain
I'm not gonna complain that the table is
too close to the audience
it's just not even gonna come up
since last I spoke you listened i haven't done shit uh
i just talked to you yesterday uh oh but uh did you guys see me on at midnight last night
that was uh a blast and uh hello what is it fashion week i should tell the listeners a girl just walked through and she seemed like a top model um
this is the place to come to meet hot ladies
doug loves movies every Tuesday.
It got dark earlier.
I mean, it started to get dark tonight, right, Jordan?
Yeah, yeah. In a few weeks,
you're going to be standing out there in darkness at 5.30.
Yeah. Good for you, man.
Did I say I'm going to be on At Midnight next Monday?
Yeah, I am.
So DVR it or whatever, because you have to watch the premiere of the Pete Holmes show.
Yeah, I'm so conflicted.
I mean, watch me if you can only watch one.
Watch the show I'm on,
but if you can DVR it or whatever, do that.
Holy shit, my Fun Fun Fun Fest shows in Austin, Texas
are going to be exactly that, fun times three,
because on Friday night, November 8th, I'm going to be doing a set
in a movie theater called the Stateside Theater
in downtown Austin, with
the other acts on the bill are going to be
Kyle Dunnigan and Sarah Silverman.
And then on Saturday
afternoon on the yellow stage outside
at the festival, I'm going to be opening
for Craig Robinson and
Tenacious D.
Woo!
Yeah, I saw both of those guys at Festival Supreme.
Both of those guys.
You know, Craig Robinson and Tenacious D.
Those two dudes.
From the corrections department on Talking Dead last Sunday on AMC,
I told Chris Hardwick I was in Return of the Living Dead
when I'm actually in Return of the Living Dead Part 2.
A Freudian upgrade, to be sure.
San Francisco, Sunday's Douglas Movies costume party at the Punchline is sold out.
Come to Saturday's stand-up costume party instead at 4.20.
I mean, we'll have seats. You don't have to stand up.
But wear a movie-related costume.
We'll play the Leonard Maltin game at the end. Ap apologies to john caparulo for last week's uh year mix-up and mark walberg
mistake i've never made two massive mistakes like that in the same show so maybe uh maybe i need an
intervention um but apologies for those mistakes in the leonaltin game, and he'll be back on the show as soon as he wants to be.
Also from the corrections department,
at SingleWalkRun pointed out on Twitter that,
do you like that name, Baseball Jordan?
He pointed out on Twitter that Ricky Lindholm
advanced to the Tournament of Championships at Benson Ball
when she named Star Wars in negative one names with Mark Hamill,
and then she went on to win.
So that is correct.
And so she's in the mix for the ongoing Tournament of Championships.
Hopefully, I think we're going to do one in December, another installment of that,
get that thing moving along.
Because eventually I want to do Super Duper Championships,
where Jon Hamm will have to go after two regular
tournament championships winners.
It's going to be sick.
I have a serious
question for you guys.
Is there anyone here
tonight under 18 years of age? Please
be honest. This is like when you say
when a prostitute says, are you a cop?
You have
to answer honestly.
Applaud if you're under 18 years of age.
A gentleman asked, and I assume he's about 42.
Emotionally or chronologically.
You know what I'm, legally.
Neither, legally.
Who's legally under 18?
You are?
Did you bring a name tag?
You did. All right, come up here, legally. Who's legally under 18? You are? Did you bring a name tag? You did.
All right, come up here, please.
Something wrong is about to happen.
What's your name tag? You made a lovely Zoolander because your name is Zoelander.
That's nice.
Look at that.
She says her dad's driving is a shithead.
And the reason I'm spoiling all of that Is because it's impossible for you to win tonight
Because one of the prizes
Is not allowed to be given to someone
Who's under 18 years of age
Yeah, that's right
I'm finally going to give out some porn
It's called Doug Loves Movies
But thank you, Zoe
And there's a copy of my album
That's probably also not for anyone your age But thank you for Zoe. And there's a copy of my album that's probably also not for anyone your age, but
thank you for coming.
Thank you for being so honest.
You look 23.
Alright, so is that covered? We got all the other
18-year-olds? Jordan?
How old are you?
Alright, so as you
can see, the prize bag
There's a couple prize bags
The first prize bag
Is a Talking Dead camouflage backpack
That I got for being on
Talking Dead the other night
Which also includes two masks
So you don't get infected
By the current flu that's going around
In the zombie apocalypse
And of course you'll get a copy
of gateway doug and then also uh
that is weird
how did that how did that guy get backstage i think he tweeted me today like can i bring you
something uh tonight and i was like sure why would you say no like no don't bring me something
but uh that's how he got it to me oh oh i see it's you it's one of the guests you could have
just brought it out when you came out now Now I'm gonna... What did you want to give me?
I'll give it to you.
Thanks, dude.
Do I have to smoke it right here?
Ah.
It's a cuban but thanks man what's your twitter name first what first lamb is that some sort of religious
reference you're mariah carey's biggest fan. You're Mariah Carey's biggest fan.
Like, how did that, how was that determined?
But by biggest fan, did you have to get on a scale with some other fans?
But that is amazing.
You have a Mariah canklet.
How high were you when you had that done?
Holy crap.
Well, did you bring a name tag tonight?
I didn't.
You didn't?
Dude, you're going to be pissed.
Because you could have won.
Mariah Carey.
Someone thinks I have Mariah Carey in this bag.
And it's true.
I would not give Mariah Carey to someone who's under 18.
They would not know what to do with that.
Emotionally or chronologically.
You know what?
Let's have a guest list show tonight.
No, the prize is
a valued at over
$200 a Pax
premium vaporizer
yeah yeah
the under 18
year old Zoe is disappointed
you have one of those oh you brought one of those
holy shit
it's a great thing to fill you have one of those? Oh, you brought one of those. Holy shit!
It's a great thing to fill with nice tobacco products.
There's a whole bunch of stuff in this bag,
so I'm going to talk to him about it when he
gets out here.
What is that? Oh, okay.
This is an interesting bag of stuff.
And then, of course, another guest just
handed this through the curtain.
Please, everybody, give a big, warm welcome to Patrick Moot, Moshe Kasher, and John DiMaggio.
Thank you.
Moshe Kasher, returning champion. Thank you.
Moshe Kasher, returning champion.
Yes.
He won the Leonard Maltin game last week because he persevered in the face of stupidity.
Am I on, you mean?
Because I fucked it all up, and you still won,
and all the dumb decisions by me are final.
So here you are.
Week two.
The only reason I won is because Greg Proops couldn't name negative 25 in the sting.
All right.
You remember it differently than I do.
John Caparulo would have gotten a point with Independence Day, but I fucked him over.
But, you know, what are you going to do?
If he'd have gotten high with us
backstage, it was just me
and Greg, though. Moshe doesn't smoke.
Sorry, why are you trying to make the crowd
hate me before I start?
You know, if you're
a good pot smoker, you don't hate
people who don't smoke pot. Yeah, guys.
Yeah, you just
don't want to associate with them.
And now you know.
Do-do-do-do.
What is this thing you pass through the curtain, Moshe?
Oh, well, I thought you were reading out all the prizes,
and I thought that every podcast needs a few more visual gags on it,
so that's why I did that.
But it's a fisheye camera that takes 35mm film,
and you can take trippy hipster pictures i get it in
this hipster prize pack i get every year for being top the top guy you're the number one hipster so
you get a prize bag well so far it's been three years running yeah that's amazing and uh patrick
mood is here everybody and. And he... Hi.
You may not know him to see him or even remember his name,
but he was on the Traverse City Film Festival edition of Douglas Movies with Graham Elwood.
And speaking of Graham Elwood...
Whistle.
The backpack has a rape whistle attached to it.
Because, you know, what you really need in a zombie apocalypse
is something that attracts more zombies.
But anyway, Patrick Mood is the star of a movie
that was playing at the Traverse City Film Festival
called Unhung Hero.
Right?
It's about my penis.
It's about how you have a really small dick.
And my question is, when can we see it?
The movie.
When will it be available for people to watch?
Grab me some of these blue ribbon beers and I'll be good to go.
Oh, is that the thing in the prize pack that can't be given to an under 18 year old?
Yeah, it is.
Yes, it's a look at Patrick Moot's penis.
It's true.
It's in the bottom of the bag.
So don't be disappointed, dude who didn't bring a first lamb.
When can people see it?
The movie is available on DVD November 26th.
And yeah, it's a movie about me trying to make my penis bigger.
Wait, can I ask?
Thank you.
So it's a dickumentary? It is. No, it's ask? Thank you. So it's a dickumentary?
It is. No, it's more of a
more of a cockumentary.
Fucking dickumentary. Cockumentary,
he just said. If you weren't laughing so
loud. Hashtag.
Hashtag cockumentary. Wait, it is a documentary?
Yes, it is. So you do have a small-ass
dick?
I like to think of it
as more like fruitfully average.
I'm a hard worker.
That's brave, man. That's cool.
It's brave, stupid, whatever. How's your pussy eating game?
Oh, it's great.
I'm a hungry man. Yeah, you got a good PEG?
Yeah.
That's right. Yeah, you know me.
They're PEG. Johnny D's here, you know me. They're P-E-G.
P-E-G.
Johnny D's here, you guys.
John DiMaggio.
Hi.
Hello.
Voice of Bender, of course, and a million other things.
Whenever I look up the Twitter, I'm just like, this guy, you just, you get out of bed in
the morning, you know, take some hits.
Just boom.
And then get on the mic.
Woo! He's actually the voice of my penis in the movie.
Totally. I'm totally doing it.
What does his penis sound like in the movie?
Hi, everybody.
He knows what his dick sounds like.
I know what it tastes
like and everything. Wow.
It's sweet talk, sir. Going way deep.
Sweet check on the under 18 year old.
Okay, she's good.
Everything's cool.
She's not going to faint
like she's watching Obama.
She's learning.
Nope.
That was funny as shit.
That was so weird.
Like, I don't know why
they have people standing
right there behind
those big speeches.
She's just like,
whenever they faint
or go to sleep,
that doesn't look like it was a good speech.
Looks like that was some bullshit.
You were so right.
That girl was exhausted from trying to sign up for Obamacare.
Goddamn.
It did.
I love Obama.
I voted for him twice.
But I definitely saw why people thought it was staged.
He was talking forward and then just reached behind,
grabbed her, was like, you're okay, baby, and just kept it.
It was a real Tom Cruise moment.
Like he was a hero immediately.
But John, I got a question for you that I wrote down.
Yes.
You got a movie that you want to tell us about.
Oh, yeah.
You've got a movie that you want to tell us about.
Oh, yeah.
I did a documentary.
Not a dickumentary, but a documentary called I Know That Voice.
And it's about voice actors.
And it's about people that do cartoons, people that do video games.
And it's pretty crazy. And we have a big premiere here in Los Angeles on November 6th at the Egyptian.
So we're really excited about it, me and my guys.
How should you walk if you go to that theater?
You should walk with pride.
Not like an Egyptian?
Yeah.
Totally, you should walk like an Egyptian.
What was I thinking?
So people can buy tickets to the premiere even?
Yeah.
There's a link that I tweeted to you.
It's indiegogo.com.
And go on there and look for I Know That Voice.
And yeah, it's really exciting.
We're working to raise money for a charity called Charity Water.
They develop freshwater sources for developing countries.
So it's pretty cool.
And plus, if you want to go on the American Cinematheque site
and just get the tickets directly,
it goes to American Cinematheque,
which is, you know, they run the Egyptian Theater
and a lot of art houses.
They do good stuff there, sure.
So either or, it's November 6th,
and we're really...
And then it's going to be on, they can see it on VOD?
Oh, they can see it on, yeah, on InDemand.
If you've got Time Warner Cable or Comcast or Cox,
I don't know what everybody has here.
Yeah, it's not even called In Demand, but that's cool.
In Demand.
You could see it on In Demand from December 1st.
Check it out on God Damn It, I Want It.
Yes, exactly.
In Demand from December 1st to December 21st.
I know that voice.
I still can't believe
that it's actually coming out.
But what a fun thing to watch,
seeing the faces
of all the amazing voices
and the fact that all of you
do so many of them.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
We have June Foray, man.
The voice of Rocky
the Flying Squirrel is on it.
We have Judy Jetson.
Okay, well that was a man,
but that's cool.
No.
Rocky's a boy squirrel.
I know, but she's a woman doing it.
She also played Granny on Bugs Bunny.
I mean, just all sorts of shit.
We interviewed Noel Blanc,
who talked about his father Mel a whole bunch.
I mean... I hope he didn't
talk about other things, because
his father was the famous voiceover artist.
It'd be weird if you sat him down and he's like,
well, first of all, I'm lactose intolerant.
Be weird if you sat him down and he's like Well first of all I'm lactose intolerant
Yes
You're a voice in the penguins of Madagascar
No shit yeah
You're called Rico
Rico I'm the regurgitator
I don't know if any of you guys watch
Or have kids that watch it or whatever
Yes there you go
Well you must recognize my
Like I regurgitate a lot.
That was my...
That's what Rico sounds like when he talks?
Oh, he's just unintelligible?
Yes, completely.
But then when he sings, he sounds like Michael McDonald.
McDonald.
All right, let's go back to Tiny Dick.
Okay, cool.
He's got a tiny dick.
Yeah, yeah.
Very small penis.
Yeah.
Can I make that a ringtone?
Totally.
Yes.
I'm going to get so laid laid You brought a ton of stuff
I did
In a bag
What does it say on the bag
That you wrote on the bag?
It's the unhung survival kit
It's weird that I have the zombie kit
And the unhung kit
So if you got a tiny dick
And the zombies start coming
Look out ladies
You are set
Yeah
So what's in this?
It's a bunch of
Dirty stuff? There's a bunch of dirty stuff in there that is a book about well first of all the
first time i was on the podcast all i brought was a pair of underwear as a gift because i didn't know
i was going to be on so yeah i wanted to put it on the end of a pen and flicked it away like he was
like he was a csi investigator and then he made me trade straws with him and i
yeah this is a this What's this book called?
This is called Happiness.
Happiness, Through the Art of Penis Enlargement.
I just got the VO.
Amen.
Oh, shit.
I mean, this is another reason why an under-18-year-old shouldn't get this title.
No!
That's exactly what an under-18-year-old needs in his life.
Yes.
He needs to make that little teeny tiny dick bigger.
Head coach.
Hey, man, this brother got his dick coming out of his pocket. Yeah, yeah. It does. He's happy. Hey man, this brother got his dick coming out of his pocket.
Yeah, yeah.
He's happy.
He got a dick coming out of his pocket.
Hey man, you see that shit?
He got a dick coming out of his pocket, man.
I didn't write that book either, but I autographed it.
Hey man, shit.
Green M&Ms, I get it.
Yeah, boner pills.
What is this thing?
That's a, well, okay.
So the movie started when I proposed to a girl
in public, and it
went viral, and
that's how the movie started, because
the viral video got
10 million views. Those are cock rings.
Or stretchy
glasses.
But this is a
public proposal escape plan.
Hey man, this ain't gonna work.
It's got how to make a smoke bomb in it.
Well, yeah, you brought a lot of fun items.
Some 18-year-old is super lucky.
The stud extender.
Jesus Christ.
It's a penis sheath.
Head coach erection pump.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, did any of it work?
Straight from Penn State.
It totally is. Wait, did any of it work? Straight from Penn State. It looks like he used a pump on the rest of his body.
He's huge.
Holy shit.
Head coach is giant.
No, none of it worked.
And John DiMaggio, I can't believe we're like 23 minutes in
and I'm still talking about the prize bag.
You brought some candy corn.
Candy corn.
Yeah, it's that time of year.
And you brought I'd Rather Be Dancing With Babes
Adventure Time. Adventure Time
Jake the Dog Magnet. Yeah, do a little
Jake the Dog for us. What time is
it? Adventure Time!
Sounds like you.
It's not so different. And then you
signed some copies of Adventure Time
comics. Yes, I did.
Yes.
Yeah.
Can you guys believe somebody's going to win?
Can I hang on to all this stuff this time?
Except for the head coach erection.
Come on, Doug.
You want that. If there is a small-penised man in here who loves comic books and photography,
you are so happy tonight.
Oh, there he is.
All right.
You look exactly like that's true. That's crazy. Dude, this could be all you tonight. Oh, there he is! Alright! You look exactly like that's true.
That's crazy.
Dude, this could be all you tonight.
And all you as well.
He looks excited. I like his name tag too
because it looks like he has a Tyrannosaurus dick
because he's holding it between his legs.
Look at that. Look at that penis.
Stop showing off, dude. Don't be a dick.
We gotta get to the games portion of the show.
George.
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
You'll be all right.
So I'll just say it.
Let the games begin.
Oh.
And let's see your name tags, you guys.
And everybody, all the contestants,
go pick a name tag you want to play for.
There's lots of good ones.
And while they do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
And we're back.
It's good to be back. back john who are you playing for um super manny wonder womany
and batmanny so manny manny yeah and he changed all the names on a uh some sort of super friends
christmas record or something is that what this is yeah? I saw that and I was like, that's dope, yo.
I said that too.
On the inside.
When our friend First Lamb handed me that thing,
I said, that's dope, yo.
Word.
Word.
Sincere laugh.
Who are you playing for Patrick
I am playing for
Sophia
Sophia with a J
with a
interesting
F, I and a J
yeah well
I could live with Sophia
with an F and an I in it
it's the J that's really
it's the J that's really
concerning me
especially the one that was just given to me
by First Lamb. I'm wondering
if that J... I can't even read. I'm going to crush
this trivia game.
So that's who you're playing for. What is that you brought?
This is a piece of chair.
This is a piece of chair for Michigan State
University. And it's signed by a bunch
of people? Yeah, it's from our...
Me and him have a podcast.
You guys have a podcast and you have everybody sign the arm? Yeah, it's from me and him have a podcast. You guys have a podcast and you have everybody sign the arm?
Yeah, it's from a Jewish frat.
Alright. You have a podcast from a Jewish
frat? That sounds awesome.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't have this
podcast.
Yeah, hold up.
But what's it called, the podcast?
Nobody's listening. Okay.
Okay.
They're sitting right there.
Johnny D, the human drop box.
Oh, shit!
Zikes!
Most of who are you playing for?
Well, I'm playing for Jurassic Park,
but the backstory is that Patrick...
I picked small dick comic book photography fan,
and Patrick picked his girlfriend,
who you just heard from.
So definitely that cock enhancing stuff
is going to that couple.
Bam!
They had a problem.
We're going to fix it.
Shit.
This is what we're doing tonight.
Yeah.
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
I've been ready to try, baby.
Hold back this feeling for so long.
And then you feel like fucking you want to do something like this with him and the...
Oh, shit.
Yeah, the only thing standing in the way between you two having an interesting night,
Yeah, the only thing standing away between you two having an interesting night,
bag full of interesting things,
is John DiMaggio.
Yeah, that's right.
We made an alliance like in Big Brother.
That's true.
Well, you get to go first, Moshe, because you did win last week.
All right.
And let me get my... I haven't even pulled the phone out yet.
John, while I'm doing that, you were a police sergeant on the newsroom?
Yes, I was.
Do that voice for us.
I'm sorry, sir.
What?
Wow.
That's it.
That's it.
I recognize it.
That was it.
I watch everything with my eyes closed.
Totally.
Sounded like a cop.
Right.
Totally. That was weird. Yeah. But it was fun seeing you on there. Thanks. Jeff Daniel everything with my eyes closed. Totally. Sounded like a cop. Right. Totally.
That was weird.
Yeah.
But it was fun seeing you on there.
Thanks.
Jeff Daniels.
Jeff Daniels.
Jeff Daniels got to sweet talk a cop into just dropping it.
Yeah.
Like, okay, we won't arrest that guy anymore.
Pretty much.
Just because you talked to me through some glass.
Man, he had six sorkin lines.
It was awesome.
He put on a fucking school that day.
It was awesome.
It was so great.
I had one sorkin line. He had day. It was awesome. It was so great. I had one Sorkin line.
He had six.
He was like...
It was awesome.
Yeah, your line was just...
I was like...
Wow.
Moshe gets...
Thanks for filling that time.
Moshe gets to go first.
And he gets to pick a category.
You're welcome.
Past and future guest Bob Odenkirk
celebrating a birthday today.
So the film appearances
of Bob Odenkirk
and then
JS Box 7000 suggested
Swinging in the Rain
and that's movies that have a hanging in them.
And The Kevin inside suggested
Breaking Bad, and that's movies
with either white, pink, or man
in them.
Nice, says Baseball Jordan.
I guess I'll pick the
hanging one.
Okay. Popular choice.
Hmm.
Hmm, says someone in the crowd.
It's like they're all
voiceover artists tonight.
Johnny?
I gotta pick one.
The Omen.
You don't have to do anything yet.
I apologize for addressing you
at the wrong time.
You stole my guess.
I was gonna say that.
Really?
Alright, there's no pre-guessing.
No?
Yeah.
Stick to the program. What is this?
But you're right. There was a hanging in the
omen.
No, this is...
Moshe gets to hear the clues and then
you guys get to bid on...
You've both been on the show already.
Oh, man. Just go ahead.
Just do it. I was really drunk.
Okay.
Not only were you really drunk, you were sitting next to Michael Moore. How crazy was that? That was crazy. He was like singing. Okay. Not only were you really drunk,
you were sitting next to Michael Moore.
How crazy was that?
That was crazy.
He was like singing.
He was like trying to tell me the answers.
My dad.
It didn't work.
My dad.
He lives in a mitten.
Cheap drills.
Okay, two and a half stars.
This movie is from 1982.
Yeah, that's right.
Not 62, 82. Moshe. This movie about from 1982. Yeah, that's right. Not 62.
82.
Moshe.
This movie about two misfits.
And the love song from the movie won an Oscar.
And it has a hanging in it.
And five, eight, ten names are listed.
How many names do you think you can name this movie in, Moshe?
Oh, ten.
Strong opening bid. Strong opening bit.
Smart opening bit.
Now we go to Patrick. And you could say
nine names, eight names.
If you think you know it, you could go real
low. Or you could say
Moshe Kasher, name that movie.
He'll hear all the names in the cast.
So I think he'd know it.
But you never know.
I'm terrified of him. He's got glasses.
That doesn't make sense, man.
That doesn't mean smart, man.
They're a little too fashionable to make him look smart.
Really?
I'm just intimidated by all glasses.
Even your sunglasses right now.
Yeah, right?
Let's play poker.
All right.
I'm going to go nine.
Nine, he says, John.
So you can bid lower.
You could say Patrick Moot.
Name that motherfucking.
You want the clues again?
Please.
There was a hanging in this motion picture.
Right.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
1982 is the year.
The movie's about two misfits.
And the film's love song won the Oscar for best song.
Okay.
Five.
Five, he says, Moshe. Name that movie that movie all right this is how mosha wins this is how championships are won
too bad the olympics aren't done that way you swing on those rings
here's your five names what can i? I'm not smart at this.
Glasses.
David Caruso, Grace Zabriskie, Victor French, Lisa Eilbacher, and Lisa Blount.
And this is how I win. We're all in this movie from 1982.
It's got a hanging in it.
Name it.
Is it called a hanging if someone hangs themselves?
I guess so, right?
Still a hanging.
Extra clue.
Point goes to Moshe Kasher.
You're not going to come up with it, right?
It was right there.
Hey, look, it's dirty, but it works.
King of New York.
The two misfits were Richard Gere and Deborah Winger
in the movies called An Officer and a Gentleman.
Yeah.
Ooh.
And David Keith hung himself.
In this fucking closet.
Yes, that's right, because he didn't want to come out of it.
Was that why? I forget.
He didn't make it as an officer.
Who won the point just now?
Moshe Kasher.
Fucking shit.
All right, thanks for the support.
We got you guys.
Don't worry about it.
We're trying to help a guy with a small dick,
so a little support would be appreciated.
Yeah, come on.
What's wrong with you?
Don't look at him.
Show it, dick man.
So that means since uh mosha challenged john we're going to start with uh patrick and then go to
mosha and uh patrick gets the big category rachel k107 suggested federal shutdown back when it was
actually happening and that's movies where americans held hostage. And then XXGootsXX suggested Man with One Red Shoe,
and that's films where someone is shot in the foot.
And Schmales is Dead suggested Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,
and that's movies that take place in Seattle.
Which one of those would you like to play, Patrick?
I'm from Seattle, but I don't know
anything.
Try these glasses on. Yeah, let's see.
There you go. It's all
so clear now.
I'll take Seattle.
I'll take that, the last
one.
Do those look good on him?
I feel like I'm crushing it.
I can't figure it out.
You look much more handsome without them.
Oh, I do?
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you so much.
Wait.
I'm a sweetheart.
No.
I wear them all the time.
Oh, you look old.
Yeah, I'm just saying.
Rethink that shit.
All right.
Get some contacts.
Thanks, Doug.
You're welcome.
And by that I mean
meet some people in the industry.
That's why I'm doing this podcast.
Oh, yeah. He's going to
hook you up with some voiceovers, aren't you, Johnny?
No, no, no. Not for that. I want to get into the
Small Dick documentary. Oh, there you go.
Bam. I've got a corner on the market
right now. Did you pick a category
yet, Tiny? Yeah, I'm going to...
Well, yes, Doug, I have.
Which one?
I can't remember.
Seattle?
Yeah, Seattle.
Okay.
This movie that takes place in Seattle
is from 1992.
Two and a half stars from Leonard.
He says this movie is about
life in Seattle.
He also says,
oh, this is interesting.
Tom Skerritt
and Peter Horton have amusing
cameos in this movie.
Yeah, if you could remember that,
that would cinch it for you uh and then uh leonard lists 12 names how many names you think it'll take for you to
figure it out patrick unhung hero moot thanks uh trying to plug the movie man i'm gonna it's my
favorite number so i'm to go with 12.
It's the sort of number you dream about.
It's the metric system.
Oh, I see.
Moshe?
What's the year again?
The year is right now or in the game?
Right now.
Now it's 2 Oceans 13, but this is 1992.
92. All right, but this is a 1992. 92.
All right.
Nine.
John.
Perfect time to crack a cold one.
Shit's getting intense.
I'll go eight.
I mean,
guys,
Patrick.
I'll go eight.
I mean, guys.
Patrick?
Seven.
I can't count.
Don't even need glasses.
What am I to do?
I mean, it's obvious. Bullshit.
Name that movie.
I have to do it.
Does he get this seat all the time, dude?
That's a seat, man.
That's why we changed the order.
We changed the order. He just does it to
whoever's next. Yeah, it's just
his style. It's not my style.
I'm bad at this game.
Wait, who's naming it? You're naming it.
You're naming it. You're naming it.
Smosh is going to say name it. Have you said it yet?
I said it, yeah. Okay. Yeah, so you get
seven names.
I think you might be able to pull this off.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you, Doug, for believing in me.
Two and a half stars.
Life in Seattle, 1992.
And your seven names are Tim Burton,
Ali Walker,
Oh!
Camillo Gallardo or something like that,
but that's not going to affect
the outcome
Devin Raymond, James LeGrow
Bill Pullman
and Jim True
are your seven names for this movie
from 1992
takes place in Seattle
say it out loud we'll all be proud
so now I name the movie.
Okay.
Yeah.
Life in Seattle?
You know, I almost picked Sleep is in Seattle,
but I was like, that would be stupid.
Wouldn't that be stupid?
It would.
And that's not what it is.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Yeah.
Do you have a real guess?
No, I don't.
You can't.
So you, how long ago did you live in
seattle like you were living there in 1992. uh yeah but i was like you yeah you didn't know about
movies that took place there how old were you dred how old were you then is it judge dredd
wow that was shot my favorite aspect ofd is that it depicts life in Seattle.
I know. It does.
That's why he's all mad and wearing the mask
because he's bummed out from Seattle.
And you haven't seen
the director's cut, obviously.
Motion Casher wins again, ladies and gentlemen.
Damn it!
The movie also
stars Bridget Fonda and Matt Dillon
and it's called Singles.
Singles with Pearl Jam was in it as another band.
Sounds made up.
Tricky Dick or something.
It's not from Seattle.
It's a really famous movie about Seattle.
Not that famous.
Thank you, Dick.
I understand if somebody hasn't heard of it.
It sounded like Judge Dredd.
You know, if there was a second place prize prize i'd give it to you thank you um
i have a question for john dimaggio before we go because we got a couple minutes left all right um
would you come on my show getting dug with high
where we live stream me and my guests just smoking weed for the whole show.
That's
tough to do, right? Because you're on so many
children's programs. I'm on so many children's shows.
I don't think that would sit well with the network.
Yeah, you think? Nah.
I'm at zero, Doug. I just want
to get on the record about it, because people
will write to me on Twitter, you should have him on
that show. Yeah, but that shit.
Because that would be fun to have you on there, man.
It would be great to not. Yeah, but that shit. Because that would be fun to have you on there, man.
It would be great to not.
Yeah, yeah.
Sure.
Don't feel bad.
All right.
Yeah, lots of people have turned it down for that reason.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Molly Cyrus won't do it.
Actually, she won't stop.
Yeah, I know.
Jesus Christ.
She won't stop doing it.
No, I'd love to do it, but I can't.
Okay.
That's fair.
Moshe, can you come back next week?
Yeah, if I'm wanted.
Oh, thanks, guys.
Thank you.
It would make me so happy if you came back week after week after week
and never actually guessed the name of anything.
I'll tell you what my prediction is.
We just sandbag the other guests every time.
You're just always like, name it.
My prediction is the first time I go ahead and guess
is the last time that I'll be here in this streak.
You never know.
Did you have any idea what that movie was?
I did know what the movie was,
but I didn't know its name.
But I knew that it was the one with Matt Dillon
or whatever in it, about
dating in Seattle. I did know that.
Yeah, yeah. Campbell Scott,
Keira Sedgwick.
Don't rub it in. Yeah, those aren't people.
Those aren't real people.
Are you serious? That's what Dick Clark used to do
at the end of The Pyramid, is he'd come over when the
contestant lost, and he'd suggest more,
you know, he'd say more
clues until they got it and then
make them both look like they fucked up and
you know, look how easy this is.
Yeah, you're a real Dick Clark, Doug.
Do you have any plugs, Moshe?
Yeah, I'll be at the Sacramento Punchline
this weekend and then November 2nd
I'll be at the High Watt
in Nashville and then
I'll be in New York City at the UCB on the 9th of November.
And then Caroline's the weekend after.
So come see me.
Wow.
That was some plugs.
That was serious.
What about you, Patrick?
I got this penis movie.
It's coming out.
November 26th, Unhung Hero on DVD. Check it out. It's coming out? November 26th,
Unhung Hero on DVD.
Check it out! It's gonna be huge!
It's gonna be huge.
So the happy couple wins
all this stuff, right? Yeah.
Come over here and get your prizes.
That's right. Jurassic Park.
There you go.
Enjoy that pleasure chest. There it is.
Don't talk to him, talk to her.
Enjoy that pleasure chest. There it is. Don't talk to him. Talk to her. Yeah, enjoy that pleasure chest.
She looks so excited.
Oh, she's hugging it.
That is so adorable.
She's hugging all those sex toys and...
Comic books and...
Yeah, and packs.
That's some...
That's quite a bag of stuff.
It's all secondhand.
Yeah.
Oh, wait a minute.
I just realized something great
is that I gave you guys a fisheye camera,
so your dick is going to look huge.
This is awesome.
You're going to crash Instagram.
That's one of the most awesome things ever.
Instagram doesn't stand a chance.
Crash the internet.
Is there a shithead on the back of the album?
No. No. So who is this? Inside. Oh, inside. Aren't you fancy? Is there a shithead on the back of the album? No
So who is this?
Inside
Oh inside
Aren't you fancy
What?
Look out!
Some nuts are going to jump out of this thing
Oh I see
His gesture for inside
Was like this whole thing open.
No, you mean pulled the album out.
This is what you should have done.
Yeah, there you go.
You don't need to touch it.
Leave Patrick alone.
Let's just trust him that it's small.
How big are all of us?
Let's go down the line.
Let's make him feel better
I'm sanely average
I'm above
Just above
Big balls
Really big balls
I just want it licked
Why do I care?
Because it's the whole thing.
You got to talk about it.
If you're going to talk about it, it's got, you know, like, no, you got to, you know,
just fucking right there.
I've been dumped because of the size of my balls.
That's true.
Dude, you, this, oh man.
It's brutal.
Because they were so small?
He's trying to promote his movie. No, because they were ginormous. Oh, you have really big balls. Huge. Wow. Oh, man. It's brutal. Because they were so small? He's trying to promote his movie.
No, because they were ginormous.
Oh, you have really big balls.
Huge.
Wow.
So they're so big, it just makes your dick look small.
It does.
So it's an optical illusion.
Yeah, he's got a regular dick and just giant balls.
That's why I'm grateful for my tiny balls.
It really offsets things nicely.
It's like a chihuahua on a down comforter. Moshe, you can plead the fifth if you want. I'm grateful for my tiny balls. It really offsets things nicely.
It's like a chihuahua on a down comforter.
Moshe, you can plead the fifth if you want.
I didn't really mean to make everybody confess. I mean, look, it's not long, but it's very, very thin.
So that's a thing.
Some ladies like a little swizzle stick action.
You can really move around in there.
Give me that thin cock.
That thin cock. I come like lightning, though, so it sort really move around in there. Yeah. Give me that thin cock. I come thin cock.
I come like lightning, though. So it sort of makes up for it.
I mean, I come like instantaneously. Sometimes I've not even arrived in it.
And then boom. That's why they that's why they call him slim lightning.
Slim lightning. Slim lightning.
Look out. Storm's coming. But it's going to be real quick. Slim lightning. Look out. Storm's coming. But it's going to be real quick.
Slim lightning.
Pow.
Under 18.
Now get the fuck out of here.
No, I mean, I wear glasses that make me less attractive.
How big do you think it is?
Oh, I love this.
This is great.
One more round of applause for all of my guests.
Moshe Kasher, we'll see you next week.
Patrick Moot.
I know that voice.com.
Johnny DiMaggio.
What?
I know that voice.com.
I know that voice.com.
Yeah, fascinating documentary.
I can't wait to see it.
I'll be there at the Egyptian.
Excellent, great.
And I'll be at your home when it comes on VOD.
And what happened?
Say, oh, your God.
Oh, your God.
She wanted me to do Bender.
I haven't done Bender all night.
Hey, does anybody else have any requests?
Shut the fuck up.
It's time to play America's favorite game show,
Shut the Fuck Up.
Hi, what's your name, darling?
Thank you, everybody, for coming.
And as always, I disagree with one of these.
You guys figure it out.
As always, anyone who thinks Obamacare is a good idea
is a shithead.
Oh, very popular sentiment at the UCB theater.
And T.J. Fraser's a shithead.
I don't agree about tj
there's no room in his heart for you