Doug Loves Movies - John Hodgman, Bonnie McFarlane, and 10 Others Guest
Episode Date: December 2, 2014Live from the Gramercy Theater, Doug kicks off the New York edition of the 12 Guests of Christmas competition with John Hodgman, Bonnie McFarlane, and 11 other guests.See Privacy Policy at ht...tps://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies,
Stingy seats with 50 Adam Rockwell journals in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see,
Cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody!
Hey everybody!
My name is Doug.
I'm going to do it right tonight.
My name's Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies.
Yes.
Hello.
We're coming to you once again for the first time two nights in a row.
And I just ran up the stairs from, because I forgot my phone.
We're about to play a massive edition of Leonard Mullen game.
So it's probably the most important thing for me to have right now.
I forgot it.
I ran back and got it.
Oh, my God.
I'm so excited to be at the Gramercy Theater.
It's the 12 Guests of Christmas.
You heard Ricky and Kate
and Hard and Firm
performing a Christmassy theme,
Christmassy version of the theme.
Right? That's what played?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Everyone's looking at me like,
what are you talking about?
Of course, it's Monday, December 1st,
and I have exactly 12 guests
ready to play a single elimination version
of the Leonard Maltin game.
So let's get them out here.
I got some Star Wars Minute T-shirts in the bag,
and I've also got a sippy cup from when I saw Cabaret.
And I've got a Gateway Dog 2 Forced Fun.
And, boy, that Emma Stone was really good in that.
And then, yeah, and then whatever all the other 12 guests bring.
So it's going to be, you're going to be carrying a lot of shit out of here.
Whoever wins the prize bag
filled with stuff
from John
Hodgman, Bonnie McFarlane, Rob
Cantrell, Dan Schechter, Chris
Tinkle, Ben Bailey, Carmen
Lynch, Trey Galleon,
Seth Herzog, Greg
Wyshynski, Doogie Horner,
and Ted Alexandro.
That's still wherever you like. Thank you. Alright, and pinch hitting for the absent Ted Alexandro is our pal from last night.
He goes by the name Jesse Pasternak is here.
He's getting up out of his seat, and he's going to come and join us.
And Ted's in luck tonight, because if he shows up late, whatever Jesse's done so far will count.
And I guarantee you, he'll still be sitting there,
because he is a
wunderkind.
18 years old, and he's a film expert,
so good luck to everybody.
Oh, Lord.
There he is.
All right, well,
I'll interview all the players as we
start the game,
as we do every year in the amazing Clusterfuck.
But so excited to be doing it for the first time here in New York City. And having so much fun.
Oh, shit, Ted Alexandro is here!
John Hodgman is mad!
Stuhl is flying!
Oh, no!
Four more years!
I want to see Ted get in a fight now with Jesse.
And that's our official winner of the Pete Holmes game is Seth Herzog.
He was the first one to get his grubby mitts on a microphone and start talking when nobody asked him to.
Yep.
I can see why you'd name that after Pete.
Congratulations.
He's the best at it.
He just won the award himself just on the last visit.
Yeah.
He's always going to win that one.
I got a microphone too,
but I was waiting for it to be the right time.
So you have the TJ Miller award.
Yeah!
All right, so let me explain a couple of things.
Well, actually, I'm sorry you guys
are all seated so comfortably
because this is the part where
everybody's going to show you their name tags
and you're going to select
the person that you would like to play for tonight
and win all of the fabulous prizes
and I go to commercial but I did that already
yeah just go grab the one you like there,
Bonnie. There's lots
of good ones.
It's good to see Alf is out there.
Life of Ryan, you changed
the I to a Y. It's pretty...
I don't know why you're not getting picked.
Devin Decker,
his name tag got picked.
He was in line eight hours ago.
We got a couple of, we got an actual leg lamp
and we've got a drawing of a leg lamp.
It's a big year for leg lamp.
Is anyone going up into the balcony?
Oh, there's people in the balcony.
Look at that.
Yeah.
And there's something, there's people in the balcony. Look at that. Yeah. And there's something.
There's a really long thing across.
There's a super huge fortune cookie back there.
That's a long-ass fortune.
There's a blow-up turkey and a blow-up snowman.
There's an actual pizza.
There's a full pizza.
Could you mime it so that the turkey looks like he's blowing the penguin?
Or the other way around?
Turkey blowing the penguin.
I call the snowman a penguin.
Oh my god.
That's funny.
The turkey's definitely butt-fucking the snowman.
Oh my god.
I don't know why that didn't get picked.
With his beak.
With his beak.
That's never going to be not hilarious.
Watching that happen.
I can't believe no one picked the whole pizza.
Wow.
What?
It's hot.
You're still talking about the pizza?
Well, that's congratulations.
You get to enjoy that pizza while you watch the show.
You smuggled a pizza into a venue
that doesn't allow that shit.
It's a good job, man.
No, we're good. Shut up.
I take it back.
Does anybody want a slice?
Jesse wants a slice?
Okay, he's good.
But thank you.
That's a really rude thing to say to free pizza.
That's a piece of this guy's fucking pizza, man.
Jesus.
Maybe some of us had a full meal before coming to the show tonight.
Okay, there we go.
Ben Bailey.
What a sweet guy.
Sweet guy.
Ben Bailey stepping up from New York City.
Hey, as long as you're right there, why don't you give the guy a quick stoplight challenge?
I'm the world's biggest Cash Cam fan.
Is it gluten-free?
If it's not gluten-free,
then I don't want it.
Kidding.
I don't know what gluten-free is.
Is it Ruthie-free?
I'll try some.
Doug, I've got to be honest with you.
This pizza is fucking horrible.
Don't eat that. This is the worst fucking
pizza I've ever had in my life.
Hodgman, did you
touch every single piece?
Dude, now that pizza's worth a lot of money.
All right, you guys.
Here's what's going to happen.
We're going to start right here to my left
with Mr. John Hodgman.
Pass him a microphone.
Hello.
This is what we're going to put each of the contestants through
as we go through and play the game.
We're going to ask, who are you playing for?
Got any plugs?
What movie have you seen?
Like, most recent movie you saw?
And then the last question we ask you is, are you ready to play?
Okay, I can answer those questions in seven names.
How many names?
I am John Hodgman.
Oh, hang on.
I was just an example.
I'm going to ask you those questions in a second.
Oh, okay.
Still true.
Getting ahead of myself.
Because we're going to start, we're going to get the Leonard Maltin game going.
You know what?
Yeah, go ahead and answer those three questions.
First of all, I'm playing for Gary.
Gary, I don't want this pizza.
Take the pizza, Gary.
Pass it back to Gary, please.
Please throw it over here.
Gary, yes.
He caught it.
Gary made a nice...
I changed my mind.
Now I want a piece of pizza.
You guys reacted like he threw a baby into the audience.
It was just a piece of pizza.
Who wants a piece of pizza?
He caught it.
He caught it, too.
Overhand a piece of pizza into the audience.
Cheese first.
It's like, how bad do you want pizza?
I didn't play you that way, Gary, didn't I?
I underhanded it to you.
Cheese up.
I know how to throw a slice of pizza.
I'm in entertainment.
Monstrous.
Good title for your next book.
Hand it to him. Cheese up.
Okay, so you're playing for Gary.
Gary had this nice name tag with all these different
Garys. Famous Garys. Famous Garys.
Although, so you got Gary
Cole down at the bottom.
They're all the Garys. Gary Shandling.
Gary Sinise. Gary
Busey. Gary, what's his name? You know him. Shandling. Shandling, Gary Sinise, Gary Busey, Gary...
What's his name? You know him.
Shandling.
Shandling. Did I say that?
Oldman.
Oldman, thank you.
And then Gary Marshall at the bottom.
But this Gary has two R's in it, so this name tag is wrong.
I should remind all the contestants,
if there's a shithead on the back of your name tag,
don't read it out loud.
Some of the guests are new to the show tonight, so we'll be extra patient with them.
And have you been to the movies lately, John?
I have not been to the movies.
Perfect. Let's move along.
And do you have any particular projects you'd like to plug this evening?
I am.
Because, hang on, when you lose tonight, or if you lose tonight,
you will be asked to leave the stage immediately.
And the signal that you have gone, that you've left us,
will be this sound.
Is that a sound that's unique to me or every player?
That is the noise you hear when a child dies in the Hunger
Games.
Oh, that's why
you have my holographic face up there in the
rafters.
But we didn't take their sound effect.
I don't want to get sued.
We went to a free sound effect
site.
Doug had me come in and bang a timpani earlier today
with it.
Boom.
That sounds like I got you a whore from another country.
Doug, I'm glad.
A whore.
I purchased a whore for him.
All right, settle down.
Why am I the one that's the hardest to keep?
You know what I mean.
Quiet.
Keep quiet is what you mean.
Hi, I'm John.
Plugs?
Do we do plugs?
I'm the host of the Judge John Hodgman Podcast
on the Maxman Fund Network.
He is the decider.
And also put a thing into your internet navigator,
bit.ly slash not a cult and see what happens.
The end.
Oh, and what did you bring for the prize bag?
I brought in my own personal Ragnarok survival kit.
This was made up for my DVD of my Netflix special Ragnarok.
It includes the extended DVD of my special,
as well as other things you need to survive the end of the world,
including survival mayonnaise, a flask for your own urine,
a sample of my genetic material, mustache clippings,
my consciousness on a thumb drive,
and a signature fragrance called Sperm by John Hodgman.
Also, I include a gift certificate so you can get your own free
in your size
t-shirt from the Canadian House of Pizza
and Garbage as featured on the Judge John Hodgman
podcast. End of plug.
Nice to meet you.
Okay, so now I realize I have to
ask each person five questions.
Are you ready to play, John?
Yes.
Wait.
Yes!
Did not exactly bring up the end.
We'll edit out that first one.
Oh, John, I'm sorry to do this to you, man.
You don't get to choose from the categories.
Fine.
I'm just going to... These are categories. You don't get to choose from the categories. Fine. I'm just gonna...
These are categories that just don't get
picked.
Good. I want to burn them off.
They're designed for me. This one is called...
Classic burn it off on Hodgman category.
The Skeleton
Twins.
And it's the films of
Ashley and Kate
Olsen. Mary Kate Olsen.
Mary Kate Olsen.
I just call her Kate.
Let's play the sound effect now.
2004.
Oh, a later one.
It's the year.
It's movies about twin sisters.
He gave it two and a half stars.
Two stars would have been funnier, maybe.
But these are twin sisters.
They've grown apart.
I'm sure that's just how it begins.
And then he says it's just how it begins. And then
he says it's an
innocuous vehicle.
And
someone in the movie plays an
overzealous truant officer.
So they are getting older.
If they're ditching school.
And Leonard Maltin lists five, six, seven, ten names.
How many names can you name it in, John?
Thirty-five.
Or ten.
Okay, he's opening with a ten-name bid.
Let's meet our next guest.
See how this is going to work?
Strong opening bid. Let's meet our next guest. See how this is going to work? Strong
opening bid.
Alright, Greg. It's Greg
Wyshynski.
Said it right. I always want to say Wyshynski.
That's fine. Wyshynski.
Greg Wyshynski. A popular
hockey blogger
who, yeah.
Who I just threw a grapevine maybe from a tweet he wrote,
found out, I found out he was a big Douglas movies fan. And I was just like, dude, if I ever need a
guest in New York, I'll hit you up. And then now here we are. And I'm excited to have you here.
It's like that succession to the president where there's some way from a representative
from Kentucky can become president if enough people die.
That's how I ended up here, I think.
Without discussing it with you in advance,
I just want you to answer
this question
honestly.
I think I know what you're going to say.
Is Goon the best hockey movie
ever made?
Well, Doug, it's an interesting question.
Many people would go...
I'll take this one, Doug.
Many people would say Slapshot is the best hockey
movie of all time. Good.
I love Slapshot, don't get me wrong.
And they'd be goddamn right.
Good by the great Jay
Baruchel was also a great
hockey movie. But Doug, I have an
offbeat, off-kilter answer. Oh, Miracle?
It's true. No, not Mir miracle. No, no, sir.
The true answer, ladies and gentlemen, to what's the best hockey movie of all time is, of course...
The Love Guru.
Sudden Death.
Oh.
In which Sean Claude Van Damme, playing a Pittsburgh fireman,
saves the igloo in Pittsburgh during the Stanley Cup final from terrorists,
and, as you all know,
at one point,
kills the Penguins mascot in a dishwasher.
There's only one answer.
I wish I only had one question for you,
because you killed that one.
Who are you playing for?
I am playing for Jodi and Kermit.
And Jodi writes a message on her name tag here.
Jodi says,
It's not easy being Jodi Brown's Requiem for a Dreamcatcher.
Be right again against all odds
Against tomorrow the world's end
Of Watchmen don't leaving Las Vegas
Food lot jingle
This is like my own medicine
having to sit through this.
Jingle all the
Wayne's World, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Actually writes blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Nicely done. That's very cute.
There's a Miss Piggy Pez dispenser.
And you can
put that up Kermit's ass if you want.
And
is it safe to assume there's a shithead
on the back? There is indeed.
Okay, don't say it out loud.
All right.
You know how it's done.
I do.
And, oh, anything to plug?
How can people read your hockey blog?
The blog is called Puck Daddy.
It's on Yahoo Sports.
Not just a search engine, a content provider.
And also I have a podcast called
The Merrick vs. Wyshynski Podcast on iTunes.
Oh, that's where every week you fight the elephant man?
Yes.
And he sits all inside.
I'm a human being.
No, you're not.
You're an elephant.
So yeah, it's a good podcast.
Not at all.
John Hodgman.
John Hodgman did 10 names.
How many names can you get it in, Garth?
I can get it in... Name that movie, John Hodgman John Hodgman bid ten names how many names can you get it in I can get it in
name that movie
John Hodgman
oh no
oh John
I can't believe
it's come to this
it's possible
he knows it
he might know it
I just want to point out
he might know it
the gentleman
is wearing a
Hartford Whalers
t-shirt
so he cannot
be all bad.
If he had done the right thing, I would have played
Brass Bonanza off my phone for him.
But he is also
a fan of my Nemesis podcast,
the Flophouse podcast.
And therefore, he wants
to kill me. This has all
been a setup from the beginning.
Just wanted to say that
when I make my guess.
You know you chose
to sit next to him, right?
I just, I wanted to sit
on a stool and this was the last one.
I'm not a chair man, I'm a stool man.
Gross.
Moving on.
I like a stool with a back
on it.
Your ten names, you get to hear the whole cast.
Yeah, well, that'll help.
You know two of them already.
That'll narrow it down.
It might.
It might.
Sure.
It might.
You know some of these people.
Jack Osborne was in this movie.
Tony winner Andrea Martin was in this movie.
I was hanging out with Andrea and Osborne just last week.
There you go.
You know them, yeah.
Daryl Hammond. Uh-huh. There you go. You know them, yeah. Daryl Hammond.
Uh-huh.
Dr. Drew Pinsky.
Oh, boy.
For that scene where they're in rehab.
Jared Padalecki is in this movie.
Uh-huh.
Riley Smith.
Uh-huh.
Girls were going crazy for him.
Andy Richter.
Okay.
Eugene Levy.
Hang on, let me just... And the twins. And am I allowed to text Andy Richter? Ashley. Eugene Levy. Hang on, let me just...
And the twins.
And am I allowed to text Andy Richter?
Ashley and Mary-Kate.
You know what?
I think there's a chance
he'll be high and won't know the answer.
It would be unfair in any case.
I can only vaguely remember
the premise of one of those.
And having not seen any of them,
they go to Paris. And I think it's
called They Go to Paris.
Or Coma.
It's either one of those.
They came up with the titles of They Go to Paris.
Yeah.
I think that's probably right. They Go to Paris.
Olsen twins in They Go to Paris.
What else are they going to do?
Stay in the
United States for a New
York Minute, was
the name of the movie, New York
Minute. John Hodgman,
thank you so much for coming
down here.
You are
no longer
with us.
If you don't mind.
I feel so bad about this part.
The first person that gets kicked off
is more often than not the best person.
You lost a guest, I lost a friend.
All right, Greg.
Good job.
I was thinking he was going to be a little bit yappy.
Dude, I think we were all planning on riding him for a while.
I don't know what...
Can anyone else on the panel, just for fun,
can anyone else on the panel name another Olsen twins movie?
No.
Yeah, right?
No. Thanks for speaking for everybody. You nodded like you knew the name
of that one, like you knew it was the New York one.
I didn't have the stones
to guess New York Minute. But you
thought of it. I did. God damn.
Well, it won Best Picture at the
Cannes Film Festival.
Do you mean a non-
porn Olsen twins?
Wait, there's porn? there? They got porn?
Yeah, but it's not them who play it.
Two of us were interested in that.
It's other twins who play the Olsen twins.
It's other twins with the same last name, but not them.
It's a different Olsen twins.
They're black.
Pete and Bill Olsen.
It's two black dudes That got put into a lot of players
On accident in front of the children
Let's watch the Olsen twins
We are the Olsen twins
Watch what we do now
Did I go too far with that?
Sorry
Trey Gallion is up next
ladies and gentlemen
he's a frequent
yeah hello
he's been on the show before
also yeah
anybody ever needs to go
to the restroom
needs anything to drink
feel free to jump up
if you're a few players away
because you'll see how
it's progressing to you slowly
but Trey gets to pick
the next category
nice we'll put him on autopilot until he gets back slowly. But Trey gets to pick the next category.
Nice. We'll put him on autopilot until he gets back.
The listeners have no idea
why anyone's laughing at that.
No idea whatsoever.
I wonder if they're guessing right now.
But we'll get to you in a second
there, Ben.
Put the brakes on your cash cab, buddy.
I think you only invite me here
so you can make little cash cab jokes about me.
Because I love it.
I love it.
Who wants to hear cash cab jokes more than me?
A lot of people want to hear them more than I do.
A stoplight challenge.
He loves it, but he calls it a fucking stoplight challenge.
That's really getting to you, isn't it?
It didn't happen enough on the show for my taste.
A red light challenge.
That was fun because he pulled it into a neighborhood with whorehouses.
And whoever dropped their nut the quickest would get an extra 50 bucks.
A red light district challenge.
I like it.
What haven't I asked you yet, Trey?
Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for
the Da Vinci Cody.
All right.
Yeah.
He was sitting way up
in the top,
and I mean, look,
he clearly printed that out
right before he left.
Oh, yeah.
That's why he got
that shitty seat, because he was busy
printing that shit out. And it's a little shady
looking, so he had to be up there going, there is
no way anybody is coming up there.
I'm taking this one. Plus, Ted
totally swiped the one I was going for.
So this was plan B.
Good job, Ted.
Oh.
Ooh.
I guess someone's better off Ted
you been to the movies lately Trey?
no but I got
I got any plugs?
so I got shit
alright yeah
what'd you bring for the bag?
oh I brought a copy of my CD
The Moronic
which is on iTunes and shit
you can get that
and then I brought a copy of Hunter Thompson's
Hell's Angels.
Because they should have made a movie out of that
instead of the Rum Diaries. Someone's going to get
a lot of culture in their face when they win this thing.
Word! Pass those down to me.
I'll put them in the bag. Thank you.
And what are your plugs, buddy?
Colorado Springs. Yeah.
January 8th through 10th.
I'll be getting high and telling jokes there. Okay, that's a good plan. Ith. I'll be getting high telling jokes there.
Oh, okay, that's a good plan.
Yeah.
I was going to say, they don't have comedy there.
Totally, they will that week.
Greg, I never asked you what you brought for the prize bag.
Let's show them real quick.
Real quick.
Yeah, put your drink on John's seat.
That's perfect.
There you go, a memorial.
You made yourself a little cocktail stand when you kicked him out.
I bought a copy of my book, Glow Pucks and Ten Cent Beer,
The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History.
And more importantly, I have bought for the lucky winner
a men's national team hockey jersey from Puerto Rico.
Wow.
That's rare.
Pyeongchang 2018, ladies and gentlemen,
is when Puerto Rico will make their presence known
for the gold medal.
Puerto Rico has ice now.
That's new.
Dude, that's so good.
I brought some of Hodgman's sperm, too.
Is that sweet?
I would sleep in this jersey
and keep a broom next to my bed,
and if there's any disturbance or earthquake or something,
I just run out of the hall screaming and, you know, throwing the broom.
I might as well have a hockey stick, right?
Can the regular public buy those?
Do I need to get on a waiting list?
Is there a government check?
Are you ready to...
Are you ready, Trey?
Yeah, let's do this.
What are we doing?
Yeah.
We're going to play the next round.
Fuck yeah.
You get to start it off.
You don't get to pick the category,
but I'm sure you're going to love it
because it's one nobody wants to pick.
It's Tickle Me, Elmore,
and it's comedies based on the writings of Elmore Leonard who you know
Elmore Leonard so so Trey might be in a spot here should have played my poker
face on yeah but should have poker mouthed it also and not said that out
loud so Carmen you're gonna be up next. Get ready.
Two and a half stars, Trey, for this movie from 2005.
Then I may have seen it.
You may have, yeah. Yeah, I see a lot of shitty movies.
He says about this movie that one of the actors in this movie is especially funny.
He says...
He says James Woods appears unbilled.
And he says the other appears on Build and he says the movie also has
the movie
has other cameo
appearances
and Leonard
Liss, yeah great clues
13 names
how many names can you get it in Trey?
I hope Hodgman's here still
so I can get my picture with him before he leaves.
Because I'm going to be
Nick. Alright, 13.
He wants all the names. That's a lot of names.
That is a lot of names. That might bring the title
of the movie to mind, but let's meet,
before we continue, let's meet
Carmen Lynch, everybody!
Is there another mic?
Very funny stand-up comedian
who I...
Hi. Sorry, Bonnie.
Okay, here we go.
Oh, what? No, did a drink
get knocked over? What? Yeah, all over the wires.
Oh, no.
Was that me? Now I'm gonna die.
I don't know why I thought a bunch of comics
would be able to pass some mics around.
It's kind of a professional
thing. Sorry.
Yeah, you do need your own.
Bonnie's been saying this funny stuff over there
and nobody's hearing it. She doesn't even
bother to try to get a microphone.
But I love it. It's easier to
keep going if I'm not getting interrupted constantly.
Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! I don't know. I love it. It's easier to keep going if I'm not getting interrupted constantly. Body, body.
Carmen, hi.
Yes, hi.
Thank you for being here.
First time guest, everybody.
Yes, thank you.
Jumping in the deep end.
I've listened to a lot of your podcasts since you've asked me to do this.
Oh, that's good.
You're really boned up.
So you think you're going to be good at this? No.
Okay. So let's get all your important
things out of the way in case you have
to leave us. What have you got to
plug? What's coming up on your calendar?
Oh, I'm at Rooster Teeth Feathers.
That's... Sunnyvale,
California. Sunnyvale, California. Where Buffy the Vampire
Slayer lives. And
the Charleston Comedy Festival in South Carolina. Oh, California. Where Buffy the Vampire Slayer lives. And the Charleston
Comedy Festival in South
Carolina. Oh, neat. That's in
January. I'm going to be doing that, too. Really?
Oh, sweet. And John Mulaney and
Hannibal Buress. Oh, we're all
in the same level. Oh, and Bill Cosby had to cancel
his appearance. Bill Cosby
can't make it. Right. Cosby's not going to be there.
It's his decision on that one.
I don't know why.
He'd want to run
into me probably.
Or just at Lynch,
Carmen,
there's other stuff
on that.
Just look at that.
Yeah, okay.
Terrific.
And have you been
to the movies lately?
Have you seen any?
Yes, I saw
The Theory of Everything.
Oh, was it good?
With Stephen Hawking.
The real Stephen Hawking.
So people in the front row just went, ugh.
I went with my parents,
so I had to go.
You sure that you weren't just doing an imitation
of him?
But that Eddie Redmayne...
I almost did it!
I couldn't do it.
Eddie Redmayne nails it, though, right?
I'm sorry?
The guy that plays Hawking's really good.
Yeah, he's that guy in Les Mis, the really sad, pathetic one that's in love with the girl.
Oh, and stop saying Hawking's, you guys.
It's Hawking.
Hawking.
Yeah, stop it.
Like, who said Hawking?
Right?
It's not Hawking?
And who are you playing for, Carmen?
I said Hawkins.
I'm playing for Geo Rassic Park.
Nice.
Great movie.
And this is a person named George?
Jeff.
Jeff.
Wow.
Jeff Rassic Park.
Welcome to Jeff Rassic Park.
All right, fair enough
And if there's a shithead written on the back
Just don't read it out loud, Carmen
That's for the end of the show
And what did you bring for the prize bank?
I brought a bunch of stuff
I've been doing a lot of festivals
So I brought a lot of stuff
From Soaps
I brought an extra t-shirt
From the Maui Comedy Festival
And a burrito, a gift certificate from Chipotle from Bumbershoot
and a bunch of other stuff like if I hope a girl gets this
yeah so unless you're a boy that's a heavy bag of tampons
and tampons thank you there's some stuff to put in your hair
lots of stuff thank you. There's some stuff to put in your hair.
Lots of stuff.
Thank you, Carmen.
You're welcome.
The person next to you, Trey Galleon,
he went with all the names, 13 names.
How many names do you think it would take you to name this movie?
Can I have him name that show?
Name the movie?
What's that?
I want to say a number.
I do not.
No, because I want to stay You have to say a number. You have to... I do not. Well, I mean, you could say...
No, because I want to stay.
You could say zero names.
I want to stay.
And you think you know the name of the movie?
So say zero names if you think you know it.
No, I don't.
I just want to challenge him because I don't think he knows.
He's going to get all the names.
Oh, right.
So you could just say...
You could just say 12 names and hope that Chris Tinkle
bids lower than you when it gets to him.
He won't, I can tell.
I don't know, man.
He's cagey.
Because you'll get all but one name.
I mean, it's a lot of names.
Sometimes you recognize the movie.
I feel like I'm being forced to do that.
Should I do that?
No, no.
That's what you're supposed to do, Carmen.
I think he doesn't know it.
I'm going to have to name that too.
That's the choice you're supposed to make.
Name the movie.
All right.
Trey Gallion has to name this movie, and I will be surprised if he can't.
No, I'll be surprised if you don't get this.
Oh, wait.
What year is it again?
Can you give me that?
No, I'm not going to give you anything.
I'm going to give you all the names.
I'll give you the year again.
All right.
2005.
Oh, I got this.
I think
you're going to get it, but we'll see.
Good luck to both of you. Thank you.
Paul Adelstein
or Adelstein?
Bonnie.
Fucking war, man. Debbie
Mazur. Not really. Okay. Debbie Mazur.
Alright. Robert Pastorelli.
Danny DeVito.
The Rock. Harvey Keitel,
Christina Milan, Steven Tyler, Andre Benjamin,
Cedric the Entertainer, Vince Vaughn, Uma Thurman,
and John Travolta, the movie is called...
No!
I still don't know it.
I still have no fucking idea.
You don't know what that movie is.
No.
You're out, Tray God.
Oh, my God.
How the fuck do I not know that movie?
Take the microphone away from him.
I know.
That's the only movie any of those people would be in to get.
What'd you say?
I have no idea
what the fuck it is.
It was the sequel
to Get Shorty
is called Be Cool.
Be Cool.
And lots of people
were squirming in the audience
because they knew
what it was.
And Dan Schechter
on the panel
definitely knew what it was
because he adapted
another Elmore story
for the awesome film
Life of Crime.
Thank you, Trey Gallagher,
and we'll see you later.
Shouldn't you have to tell if it's
a sequel or not? That seems like something
that should be said.
I don't want him back, by the way.
If I said
an Elmore Leonard novel
that's a sequel, that's the only one.
It narrows it down. There's no
guessing left.
If you know that information.
But he still wouldn't have gotten Be Cool.
I don't know. I mean, I'm always
mystified when somebody gets all
the names.
I mean, the movie was.
The movie.
Okay, so that's why I'm glad
Bonnie doesn't have a microphone most of the time
No he was being
so funny behind me
he really was
I don't know why
now I'm being mean
He's hilarious
So I can get a laugh or two
Oh yeah
No it's all good
Congratulations to Carmen
she survived that
Yeah
Good job
Chris Tinkle is here
you guys
it's here for Chris Tinkle.
Very funny stand-up.
Where do you...
What's up, buddy?
Where did you stand on that?
Were you zoning in on it?
Did you think it would be cool?
Yes.
At what point did you know it?
As soon as you...
Andre Benjamin?
Yes.
I think that's a pretty good turning point in that list.
Because he's in that movie and that other one and that third one.
And The Rock was like
the only funny part
of that movie,
so I kind of figured it out.
Oh yeah, The Rock.
He killed it.
It was terrible.
Awesome.
Would you, uh...
He's gay.
No, hold on.
Why did you just say
he's gay
when somebody else said that?
Hold on, he's gay!
The character in the film
is gay.
The Rock is gay.
The Rock is not gay.
No, The Rock isn't gay,
but what's his real name? Dwayne. Dwayne Johnson's gay as fuck. Dwayne Johnson is gay. Dwayne Johnson is gay. The Rock is not gay. No, The Rock isn't gay, but what's his real name?
Dwayne Johnson is gay as fuck.
Dwayne Johnson is gay.
Dwayne Johnson is gay.
That's why he's going by Dwayne Johnson now,
as he came out from under The Rock.
That's right.
Boom!
Boom!
Good night.
Good night, Doug.
Doug Benson has retired from comedy.
Holy shit.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
Alright, so...
Rock Hudson?
Other gay rocks.
Category.
Let's be the category, yeah.
Rilfs.
Gay stuff.
Does anybody need to get out of here
by a certain time?
Just out of curiosity.
And I mean the audience as well.
We need every last one of ya.
Who can stay till the very end?
Is it kind of in the back?
Yeah, I gotta get going.
I got an Uber outside.
I have two minutes.
Chris Tinkle, who are you playing for?
I am playing for Star Lars.
It's a Photoshop.
It looks like Princess Leia is protecting Luke Skywalker's dick.
It's the old poster.
It's really weird.
And it's someone named Lars.
Yes.
Oh, okay.
Good for you.
They're out there in the balcony.
Oh, great job.
Thanks for going up to the balcony.
And what did you bring for the prize bag?
I brought a copy of my new album, Maybe I Don't Feel Like Smiling, and a copy of the
old album.
What's that one called?
Almost Awesome.
It turns out I have a really poor self-image, apparently.
I'd say the second album should have been called Got There or something like that, you
know?
But I like the title of the second one, too.
So can you pass those down to me, and I'll put them with all the other stuff.
And have you been to the movies lately?
Yes, I did.
I went and saw the Babadook.
Oh.
Babadook.
It's like a game that fucks up a family?
Don't tell us.
It's a storybook.
Wow.
You told me about it just last night, Jesse.
That's what I retained. Yeah, it's a storybook. It's a toy that does things. It's a storybook. You told me about it just last night, Jesse. That's what I retained.
It's a toy that does things.
It's really good.
It's like Australian, so it's like, I don't know.
It's good. Really good. It's scary as fuck.
It's like Australian, so I don't know.
I don't know about that.
I don't know why that's happening.
How'd that movie even get here?
They have planes over there now?
That was all prisoners over there.
What are they doing making movies?
So, why aren't they all jailbreak movies?
So, yes, it's possible to be too high.
And I want to know another thing about you, like your plugs.
Like what?
Oh, plugs.
I'm not accusing you of having fake hair.
It's just real hair, Doug.
It's just real hair.
What?
I will be at the Sacramento Punchline and the American Comedy Club in January.
So you can go to my website, christingle.com, for dates.
And you can get my new album on iTunes and stuff. When are you going to be in January. So you can go to my website, christingle.com, for dates. And you can get my new album
on iTunes and stuff.
Where are you going to be
in January?
Sacramento Punchline
and then the American Comedy Company.
What are your Punchline dates, though?
What's up?
What are the dates
at the Punchline?
God damn it,
I knew you were going to ask me, dude.
I just forgot.
The 12th through the something.
That sounds good.
There you go.
Thanks, buddy.
Yeah, just go on the 12th
and stay for all of it, you guys.
Yeah.
It's a really fun mall.
How about Arden Mall?
No fucking Australians
allowed at my shows.
Oh, my.
All right, you're starting
off the next one here, Chris,
and then our buddy
Jesse Pasternak's
coming up next.
Yeah, his family's
cheering for him out there.
The 96-year-old
didn't make it tonight, though?
No, but my brother is.
Your brother's here, yeah. That's cool.
Thank you.
We'll talk to you in a second.
Slow down.
I'm so close to where we're talking to you.
Your category, Chris, as suggested by Jordan Cole, sucks on Twitter, is, this is funny, LOL Cool J.
And it's comedies that have LOL Cool J in them.
By my count, there's about two.
Because rollerball is not a comedy.
Would you like, I'm going to give you a choice
of year on this one. Alright.
Would you like 1991
or 1996?
1996.
Okay.
People are clapping.
No reason to clap right there.
Leonard calls this movie
a bomb. No. He says
it's a misbegotten attempt at screwball comedy.
Says the lead character's neurotic. A neurotic
lady.
I'll even say that this movie
has
it substitutes stupid slapstick
and misogynist homophobic pot shots
for wit and charm
sounds awesome
don't ask me to say the clues again you guys
and then he lists
nine names
how many names can you get in?
Chris Tinkle? I can name it in nine.
Good opening bid.
Jesse Pasternak is back!
Back to the shack!
Thank you.
Thank you for
being here.
Oh, you're welcome.
More than happy to be here.
The premise I was going for was that when Ted got here,
you'd take a seat.
But since you're still here, let's play the game.
All right, yeah.
This is my evening.
I think I'm very happy to help.
No, no.
You were so helpful because, you know,
he came in immediately.
For the record, I insisted that he stay.
He was trying to leave and I said, no, no.
Of course he was.
I said, Doug would want you to stay.
I'm glad you ran on the record on that
because I do want him to stay
now that it's really way past too late.
I forgot I wanted him to go, to be honest with you.
So when he was still there, I went,
oh yeah, that didn't work out how I planned.
But we're having fun, and Jesse's great.
Thank you.
Might be the only person on this panel that knows the title of this movie.
What did you bring for the prize bag?
Nothing.
You know you're going to be on the show.
I didn't know I was going to be on the show, but I'm going to improvise.
So I'm bringing, I have a bookmark that doubles as my ticket into the show and a pack of Kleenex.
It's flu season.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah, go ahead and pass those the other way.
If anybody, if everybody could just put a little bit of Ebola on something and then donate it.
I saw you put that in my bag.
Yeah, it's not your bag anymore.
You don't get everything back if you win tonight.
But my money's on you the way you're playing.
You're killing it.
What am I looking for?
Oh, plugs?
What kind of gigs you got coming up
going back to school
yeah
going back to school
I write movie reviews
for the
IU Student Cinema Guild
so if you Google
IU Student Cinema Guild
you can read my work there
go check
if you're in Bloomington
go to the IU Cinema
amazing place
really great movie theater
and
what's your twitter handle oh I don't have a twitter okay you're 18 years old get a twitter in Bloomington go to the IU Cinema. Amazing place. Really great movie theater.
What's your Twitter handle?
Oh, I don't have a Twitter. Okay, you're 18 years old. Get a Twitter. I have a Facebook.
That's enough. Or do you just, is Tinder enough
for you? That's all you need?
I have a Facebook. That's it.
Okay, Facebook's cool. Yeah, and
watch the Meredith Vieira show. My brother
is currently writing for it. It's really good.
Jesus.
You're welcome.
He wrote,
we'll be right back,
and I'm so sorry for you and your cancer.
Oh, can I say my name tag now?
Please.
Thank you.
So I am playing for Dorothy,
and her name tag is,
thank you,
eight crazy Dorothys,
which I picked
for my Jewish heritage.
It's her.
It's her in a bunch of different funny poses.
One with a boa, one with a fake mustache
and a Steve Zissou hat.
And the tagline says,
she's rude, she's crude, she's animated.
Woo!
There you go.
She's at least two out of three just then.
Yeah.
If she yelled fuck, she would have gotten a hat trick.
Yeah.
I don't know if this is a pitch for a movie, but I liked it.
Thank you.
Nice.
Yeah.
And I guess we talked to you last night about movies, so we can just jump right in.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
The world's
politest boy.
He's not even British.
Was he around in 1996?
Were you around?
A couple of months old.
Oh, nice. So you probably
reviewed this
in the maternity ward.
Ah!
My little PC.
So, what happened?
Chris took all the names?
Yeah, he took nine.
What do you think?
I want to challenge him on it,
but I feel like I might know it,
so I'm going to say eight.
You know, conservative.
I like the way you play.
Let's hear it for
super nice guy and first-time guest, Ted Alexandro, everybody.
Let's get Ted a microphone. And does all of this that's happening so far make any sense
to you at all? To me? Yeah. You mean tonight or life? No. Please sum up life for us To this point No you know I did notice one thing though
The
Probably the longest showbiz veteran
Was wise enough to sit
Right next to you
And get it wrong immediately
So that's something for all of us to note
I could have started with Seth
Exactly
I just It's quite random My apologies But Accepted I could have started with Seth. Exactly.
It's quite random.
My apologies.
Accepted.
I also, you know, I just in my head thought John would play smarter.
I don't think you were alone in there. He's been running around playing that smart card everywhere he goes.
Why did he leave it home tonight?
Ted, very do you,
very funny comic,
of course,
and got stuff coming up,
plugs,
things to plug.
Thanks, yeah.
Well, I have a web series
called Teacher's Lounge
that I'm very proud of.
I play the music teacher.
My buddy Hollis James
plays the janitor,
and then every comedian,
every episode
has a comedian
like Jim Gaffigan
plays the nutritionist.
Dave Attell is the school photographer.
Louis Black is the principal.
Judy Gold is the gym teacher and on and on.
So you can see those on YouTube.
Just look up Teacher's Lounge and all that stuff.
And Charles Manson's in charge of hiring at this school?
That's right.
That's right.
Everyone is like a perfectly horrible person for whatever they're teaching. I love it. That's right. Everyone is like a perfectly horrible person
for whatever they're teaching.
I love it.
That's awesome.
How many is there so far?
There's 10 of them so far.
And we're currently...
Gearing up for a new season.
Yeah, we're pitching for hopefully television,
but if not, season two on the web.
We'll see.
Awesome.
And people can see you doing stand-up live
around town and stuff?
Yeah, if you look at tedalexander.com,
I post my dates there.
And who are you playing for?
I am playing for a gentleman up...
Well, I think it was a gentleman.
Jurassic Patty.
At least it was a guy who handed me the jersey.
Maybe it was his girlfriend, Patty?
Okay, there you go.
Okay, yeah.
Wow, what an interesting way to murder your girlfriend.
No one will suspect me.
It's your first time on the show.
I always ask the guests on the show what movie they've seen lately
and what they thought of it.
Have you seen something recently?
Yeah, this is going to probably not be a surprise,
but I just saw Citizen Four by Laura Poitras,
the director of a great documentary about Edward Snowden
and the NSA and all the surveillance states.
So check out Citizen Four.
It really catches you up on the whole story
and tells you things you didn't even know about it?
Yeah, it's really just...
Journalist Glenn Greenwald is in the hotel room with Edward Snowden while the whole thing is first breaking.
So it's really like fly on the wall, like as the shit is all happening.
It's really, it was fascinating.
Sounds cool.
Yeah.
I got to see that.
I think that covers everything.
Oh, what'd you bring for the prize bag? Oh, I have a CD and a DVD called As Much As You Want.
It's my first CD and DVD, which you can also get on tedalexandro.com.
You can pay what you want for both that and my new special.
I did it.
tedalexandro.com.
How low can you go on?
How low can you go on and pay what you want?
Like a penny?
Actually, the lowest
is 99 cents.
Because that's
the service that we use.
Credit card and all that.
Yeah, that kind of thing.
Okay.
Yeah.
So get that for 99 cents,
you guys.
You will not be the first.
I love it, though.
I think it's a great way
to do it because,
you know,
everybody gets to hear it.
Everybody's broke. Yeah. I keep the, I try it's a great way to do it because you know everybody gets to hear it everybody's broke yeah
I keep the
I try to keep
two good prices down
here for these shows
and it seems to work out
alright
right
cost a couple extra bucks
to get in tonight
but
I'll be back down
to $19
the next show I do
here in town
that's with the
service charges and shit
so anyway
Ted
yes
the bidding comes to you now it's Jesse said eight names show I do here in town. That's with the service charges and shit. So anyway, Ted. Yes. The bidding
comes to you now. It's, Jesse
said eight names, and he
thinks he can get this movie.
Reading from the bottom of the cast list going up.
So, can you bid lower, or do you want to
just challenge him?
Keeping in mind that you do
not want to hear that canon.
I'll go with four names.
Oh, boy.
I didn't even present that as an option.
This guy picks up, he's either picked it up really fast
or he's dumb.
And that brings us around to the
front row, ladies and gentlemen.
Dan Schechter
is here.
Director
formerly mentioned because
Jesse and I got the good fortune to see his movie here. Director, formerly mentioned, because Jesse
and I got the good fortune to see
a movie on the big screen, Life of
Crime, which is an Elmore Leonard
adaptation. Devin Decker in the
front row heartily recommends it.
Everybody that hasn't seen it yet,
by all means do so. It's really good.
Thanks.
What do you got coming up?
Are you working on another movie?
What's going on?
Yeah, I might make something next year if I get lucky.
I'm writing some new stuff.
Thanks, man.
It's kind of front row.
It's really enthusiastic.
He's excited.
He wants to see your next movie.
That's very kind.
It's really good.
What was the name of your first movie?
It's called Supporting Characters.
It's on the Netflix.
Yeah, I still got to watch that.
Can you remind me?
Sure.
I'll tell you, don't watch my movie, you asshole. I just want to mention it's really funny. gotta watch that. Can you remind me? Sure. I'll watch my movie, you
asshole. I just wanted to mention it's really
funny. I saw it. There you go. Jesse
seen it. Yeah, very good.
I think
I'm about to lose, so this is pretty nice. Everybody's
being so sweet to me.
What do you got for the old
prize bag? I brought a copy of my movie, Life of
Crime on Blu-ray for everybody to enjoy.
And then I got a, I don't want to come with nothing else, so I brought a copy of my movie, Life of Crime, on Blu-ray for everybody to enjoy. And then I got a... I don't want to
come with nothing else, so I got a
Millennium Falcon Lego set
at Star Wars that I got at
Dwayne Reed.
And you...
I think you mentioned to me before
the show tonight that you were pleased with the Star Wars
trailer? Yeah, I was. I watched
it. I bet a bunch of people here probably watched it
multiple times. I'm certainly one of them. I love that shit. Yeah, I watched it a bunch of times. I'm excited about it, I was. I watched it. I bet a bunch of people here probably watched it multiple times. I'm certainly one of them.
I love that shit. Yeah, I watched it
a bunch of times. I'm excited about it. I was like,
Black Storm Trooper, click.
You didn't watch the rest of it?
I'm such a racist redneck, I can't even
spit those words out. Black Storm
Trooper, fuck
the dirt.
That movie, that freaks me out,
that moment,
just because
the first time I saw Star Wars,
the first moment where
they knock out some stormtroopers
and put on their outfits,
I was like,
oh, I thought
that was their skin.
I thought,
I thought that's what
stormtroopers look like.
I didn't know
that they were just regular guys
in those uniforms and helmets.
So I was like really weirded out by it.
And I got over it the next 76 times I saw it.
But I'll never forget that.
So seeing the guy right away, like J.J. Abrams was like,
let's get a guy in a stormtrooper outfit with his head off.
So that guy's going to be like a traitor against the stormtroopers,
or he's undercover amongst the stormtroopers, is my guess.
Well, not to get nerdy about it, but he also could be somebody who
beat someone up and took their outfit as well, like in the original game.
Sure, sure.
So who knows?
Yeah, yeah, he could do the same thing, but I hope it's something different.
Me too.
I hope there isn't a trash compactor out there in the desert.
I hope Salacious Chrome doesn't drop in on his shoulder and ride around on him.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Are you ready to play?
I think so.
I mean, I don't think
I have any idea
what this is,
but he bid four,
which shows a lot of confidence.
Is this still
the LL Cool J movie?
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
As it was called
in the trades.
All right.
The LL Cool J movie.
I have no idea what it is,
so I'm going to tell him to name that movie.
Best of luck, sir.
Apologies to Ted Alexandro.
I think this is a tough one.
Lay it on me.
Oh, but you confidently said four names, so...
Your four names are Billy D. Williams.
Okay.
That's three of the four names.
J.K.
I can't just say J.K.
It's embarrassing, but I can sing it.
Aida Turturro.
Am I pronouncing it right?
Aida from Sopranos I pronouncing it right? Aida?
From Sopranos?
Sorry, no more clues.
Foxy Brown?
And this is kind of a bad turn of events.
In that slot, the fourth name
is LL Cool J.
So how was he
going to guess nine if
LL is the fourth?
Like who?
That's all you get.
Start naming the crew?
That's it.
But you're from the bottom, right?
Yeah.
So that means LL Cool J was not a top-billed person in this.
Gotcha.
Yeah, so you're...
All right.
That's why I apologize to you. No, no apologies. Because this is about to happen. All is fair in love. Gotcha. Yeah, so you're... All right. That's why I apologize to you.
No, no apologies.
Because this is about to happen.
All is fair in love and war.
You think you got it?
We said 96, right?
98.
Wait.
I said 96?
Yeah, 96.
I think you...
I think you owe me
another apology.
No, I don't owe you anything.
I'm pretty sure this is incorrect.
The ear difference is not going to matter.
Has never mattered at all.
I'm going to...
I know it's wrong, but I'm going to say...
Crush Groove.
It's a super fun guess.
But unfortunately, this movie was a dreadful Jada Pinkett Smith vehicle.
Does anybody know what it's called?
It's redundant.
It's got a guy yelling at you Woo!
It's called Woo!
That's how he bought his ticket
When he went to see it
Like one for Woo!
But yeah unfortunately it's a movie called Woo
Thank you Ted Alexandro
For playing
Go to tedalexandro.com
I'd love to have you back on another time
and it'll all make more sense
and I'll learn the difference
between a 6 and an 8
what year was that movie again?
98 what year was that movie again 98
98 yeah
what was the other year
oh 91
crazy alright
I'm gonna save that one for another time
cause that's a funny title for a category
lol cool
lol cool j
lolol cool j who's up next oh we're at Ben Bailey LOL. LOL, Cool J. LOL, LOL, Cool J.
Who's up next?
Oh, we're at Ben Bailey, everybody.
Congrats to Dan Schechter for keeping it going.
What? What did you say?
Huh? I didn't hear what you said. I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah, I talk under the clapping because that's when I speak shit of you.
Yeah.
And the home listeners get to hear it, but nobody else does.
That's why I'm asking you to repeat it.
No, I was just saying congrats to Dan, the guy on your left there.
Ben would be a good character in an Elmore Leonard movie.
Are you going to adapt another Elmore Leonard, or are you moving off of that?
Moving off.
Okay.
Okay.
There's Billy Joel in that shit?
Moving off.
I'm moving off.
Ben Bailey.
Did we applaud for Ben Bailey?
Yes, we did.
Yes, they did.
They already did.
And then I talked shit under him under the applause.
Thank you again.
Let's do it again.
With your generous applause. Yeah. This is where I talk over you talking shit under them under the applause. Thank you again for your generous applause.
This is where I talk over you talking shit about me while they clap.
You're playing for somebody who made a nice replica of the autopilot from the movie Airplane.
Yeah, very realistic.
And what's the name on there?
Sarah. Sarahplane.
Yeah, and I got a big laugh earlier when you propped it up on the chair.
Yeah, I mean, it's pretty fucking good, right?
It's a very nice replica of that, except it's flat instead of blow up.
Well, I haven't blown it up yet.
Oh.
Blow it up, Ben.
I'm about to.
Blow it up, Ben.
That's what I was born to do.
All right.
What's the name on there?
You just turned that into a crisscross reference?
Blow it up?
That's what I was
born to do. Okay.
What'd you bring for the bag, buddy? I love it, dude. You're so all over it.
It's fucking great. What'd you bring for the bag?
I need to get more stone. Who's all over the place
right now? Before I come
and do these things,
I just smoked my normal amount.
I'm going to smoke more next time I do
one of these fucking shows with you.
So I can follow along.
Hashtag bring back cash cab.
Fucking let's start up a hash cab in Amsterdam.
Where you drive people from different coffee shops.
Dude, believe it or not.
Let's sell it. You and me.
That's how I see a deal in this town.
Out in LA it's a signature or a handshake.
In New York, it's done deal.
Ben, have you been to the movies lately?
I've seen a couple of films of late.
And what'd you bring for the prize, Ben?
I brought a list
of the films
that I've seen lately.
Drop it in.
We'll move along.
Would you like to see it,
you son of a bitch?
Drop it in there,
Billy Joel.
I'll do that
and then I'm moving over.
Here's the movies
I saw.
Oh, you really have a list?
John Favreau films.
Oh my God.
Which I thought
was pretty fucking awesome. And then I saw something that someone mentioned when I did a list? Jon Favreau film, Chef. Which I thought was pretty fucking awesome.
And then I saw something that someone mentioned
when I did Doug Loves Movies in LA
like a month ago, if you remember.
Too Many Cooks?
What'd they say? Too Many Cooks?
Somebody mentioned Too Many Cooks and I
googled it and watched it and nothing will
ever be the same again.
It's like a little short from Adult Swim that is like, fuck, man, it's crazy.
It is some crazy shit.
Yeah, I've seen people write on Twitter, fuck too many cooks.
Yeah, yeah.
It sounds like it might be upsetting to me to watch it.
It could be traumatic.
Yeah, I'm not going to watch it.
Everything feels a little weird after.
But check it out.
I'm serious.
You're like, oh, I see what they're...
No, what the fuck?
It'll change you, not in a good way.
Check it out.
Check it out. It's worth a watch.
Sorry, my older brother showed that to me.
I would attest to that.
You can feel your brain hurting and changing.
Just to keep it in mind.
Yeah, you can.
That's a warning from somebody who knows.
Maybe your brain is just still... Be sure to watch it in mind. Yeah, you can. You can feel your brain hurting. That's a warning from somebody who knows. Maybe your brain is just still.
Be sure to watch that, everybody.
Hey, speaking of addictions and brains and stuff,
did you bring that crack that I asked for?
Yes, I did.
Oh, good.
You brought some crack for the prize bag.
For the prize bag, I bought pistachio crack,
which I believe is pistachios. Is that dangerous? Will you get hooked on it? I don't think it's actually pistachio-fl which I believe is pistachios.
Is that like dangerous?
Will you get hooked on it?
I don't think it's actually pistachio-flavored crack, but it might be.
Then what else did you bring?
Judging by where I got it.
Some of your work?
No, I brought the complete first season of Wahlburgers.
You guys want to do some lines?
For your Emmy consideration,
everybody.
So, according to what it says
at the beginning of these screeners,
even if I give this away as a prize,
I'm still responsible
for what happens to it.
Yeah, so don't go sharing it
with everybody.
Don't fucking give it to everybody.
Yeah, just keep it to yourself
and cherish it.
Don't give it to North Korea.
Keep it under lock and key or whatever you got.
Stash your crack in the Wahlburgers, baby.
And do we ask you about your plugs?
About the clothes?
By we, I mean me.
About my clothes?
Yeah, what's going on with your clothes tonight?
Who are you wearing?
It's the same shit I wear all the time, man.
Your plugs, what do you got coming up?
I have a be at Parlor Live in Bellevue, Washington this weekend.
She's a fun club.
I think that's all I have on the books right now, Doug.
Oh.
I'll be on.
Sorry about all the cash crab, cash crab.
No, it's not because I don't have any dates.
It's because I don't fucking remember them.
You win with me.
What?
It's not because I don't have any other dates. I just don't fucking fucking remember them. You win with me. What? It's not because I don't have any other dates.
I just don't fucking remember when they are or where they are.
All right, one hit, Willie.
I'm real Ben Bailey on Twitter and Facebook.
That was a great segment we just had together.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's play.
All right, let's do it.
Your category, celebrating a birthday
today, great, great friend of the show,
co-inventor of the Leonard Moulton game,
Sarah Silverman.
Come on out, Sarah. Just kidding.
The films of Sarah Silverman.
Happy birthday, Sarah.
Oh, boy.
This particular one is from 2005 or
another year
that I'll say
later.
Just covering
my bases.
Two and a
half stars
and
he says
about this
movie that
makes you, forces
the audience to think.
He also calls it often hilarious,
but like I said, only two and a half stars
from Leonard. And he names a mere
five names.
That gives some people a clue, I imagine.
But how many names
do you think you can get in, Ben Bailey?
Oh, a lot more names than that.
Bonnie's got it, so she's going to take off.
Okay, that's fine.
Okay,
she knows it if it comes to her, so that's
really good for Rob to know.
Pretty good for
Doogie to know as well.
Bonnie always has to leave if someone mentions Sarah.
I don't know what that is.
Just kidding, buddy.
Fuck.
All right, how many?
All, as many as possible.
Five names.
You'll take all five.
I'll need all five.
All right.
Let's go to Rob Cantrell is here,
waiting patiently all this time.
Thank you for having me, Doug.
We didn't even hear a peep out of you, man.
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't have a microphone.
You just get high and just enjoy everything.
Yeah, it's a good show.
I'm getting really into it.
It's fun.
This is the best seat in the house right here.
Yeah, you're right in the middle of everything.
On stage, talking to you.
It's like come to life.
I love it.
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
I think it's pretty awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, I have my new CD, my new hip-hop CD.
Seven Smokin' Tracks.
It's been new every time you've been on the show for the last year or so.
Yeah. It's new.
It's still the newest one. You know, everybody's value of time is different, you know, and so some people, it's new.
To me, it's always new, and I have it free for you.
new to me it's always new and uh and i have it free for you and uh and i also brought a box of green tea it's a it's 50 tea bags of just straight green tea and it's like the real shit man
wait are you what are you winking at us what's going on? I'm telling you. This sounds like a deal on the corner
where nobody wants to say the actual words for it.
Go ahead and pass that stuff down here
to Doogie and Seth will get it over here to me.
And what do you got to plug, Rob?
Besides, obviously, get the, you know,
Get Dreams Never Die, the album.
And I do do music videos.
You have videos?
You have a video called Helicopter.
And it's all about helicopters.
And it's a hip-hop track about helicopters.
So check that out.
It's on YouTube.
And then I'm also doing some stand-up dates.
I'm in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, December 19th at ArtQuest.
And then I'll be in D.C. at the end of January.
I think the Showroom Palace.
So those are my dates.
Nice.
What's your latest movie experience?
Birdman.
Yeah?
Birdman.
Sounds like you liked it.
I loved it.
I loved it.
I just think it needs more bass.
It's just a funky drummer.
It's just that drummer, man.
Did you see Whiplash?
I haven't seen Whiplash.
That's got a lot of drumming in it, too.
Drumming's hot right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, cool.
You ready to play?
I'm ready to play.
Ben's taking all five names of this movie
that has birthday girl Sarah Silverman in it.
How many names do you think you can get it in? Ben's taking all five names of this movie that has birthday girl Sarah Silverman in it.
How many names do you think you can get it in?
Four names?
I'm sticking with 2005, by the way.
Oh, 2005.
I thought I had... You're saying four?
I'll say four.
He says four, Bonnie,
who strutted off earlier after announcing that she knew it.
But let's talk to you for a second first.
Bonnie McFarlane, first time guest.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
I hope each and every one of you gets a nice
restroom break during the show.
I think it works out great for you.
I went fast and I did not wash my hands.
Rob's even happier now.
Thank you.
Bonnie is, of course, a co-host
with her hubby of a
podcast and radio show
called I Hate My Wife.
My Wife Hates Me.
What happened?
I love being on your show. Doug kind of likes
movies.
I said it right. My Wife Hates My wife hates me. My wife hates me.
It's very funny. I've listened to it. I enjoy it. And just listening the other day reminded
me that I should have you on one of my shows sometime. And there you are going to the bathroom.
Sorry, I didn't know what to do. Yeah, no, that's exactly what you need to do.
Yeah.
And you're back.
I am.
Anything else to plug besides the shows?
Well, I picked this because it looks,
I just saw the movie Banksy in New York.
Oh, okay.
And I hesitate to talk about documentaries
because when Ted talked about his documentary,
it was so boring.
I was like, oh, should I go a different direction boring I've never sat through an entire Ted talk so no I didn't pick it but it says super high Chris on it and supersize super super sorry I just think about my own version. Great movie. Also a great movie.
Oh, thank you.
But I didn't pick it because my vagina's tiny.
I think you picked it because...
I think people thought that I was picking it because it was like,
oh, she's got a big vagina.
It's funny.
But no, it's not.
It's small, but my asshole is huge.
But my vagina is...
Super-sized vagina.
Mm-hmm.
All right, so you're playing for Chris.
Oh, so I did make a documentary.
That's why I was doing the whole theme.
It's called...
If you've got a bush,
you do not know how to be humorous.
Yes, thank you.
Women are not funny.
Women are funny, available on iTunes.
You got the most aggressive titles.
Yeah, Hate and Not.
It's Cunty McFarlane.
Yeah.
But then, yeah, that's the thing is
you say stuff like that with such a sunny disposition
that everybody
loves it. What did you bring for the prize bag?
I didn't know that we were supposed to
like... Did I remind you about that?
No, does this mean we're not getting paid?
Did you listen to the show? I normally when when I come to shows, I get paid.
I don't leave something behind.
So this is like a weird situation for me.
It's kind of a crazy, topsy-turvy thing I've created.
Yes, yes.
Where people bring their latest CD, and then I mention it,
and then a bunch of people go out and buy them.
Well, I...
I have a copy of Ride Along at Home unopened.
I could send it to someone.
Oh, okay.
So Bonnie's going to get the mailing address of our winner tonight.
So be sure to stick around.
I'm on Twitter.
I'm a little older, so I'm allowed.
My mom said it was okay.
At Bonnie McFarlane.
So that's that.
Okay, let's play.
All right.
And other than
Women Aren't Funny,
have you seen any movies lately?
Oh, I already mentioned
that I saw Banksy in New York.
Oh, yeah, because you...
I don't go out to movies
because I have a daughter
who at the beginning
of the podcast
was seven
Is this podcast like Interstellar
when you go home they're going to be your age?
I don't know
Are you in the black hole of podcasts?
So
our friend
Rob Cantrell has bid four out of five podcast. So, our friend, Rob
Cantrell, has bid
four out of five names, and Bonnie
thinks she knows the name of the movie.
So, how many names can you get it in, Bonnie?
So, do I just say the name of the movie if I know the name
of the movie? No, you can bid less.
Or, if you know... Well, how do I make them
wrong? You can bid zero. That's what I prefer
to do. You can hope that... More than I want to be right,
I want them to be wrong. You could say name it
to Rob, and if I give him the names
he doesn't know it. I think he's going to name it.
He's going to name it. Look at him. Nobody's named
anything all night, I don't think.
But the other
way you could do is you could kick the can down the road,
say three names, and pass it over to
Doogie, or you can...
So what happens then if I say three names
he does it, then he names it?
Do we all leave then?
He could challenge you.
She listened to the podcast to prepare
for this you guys. She told that
to me proudly before the show.
He, if he asks you
to name it you'll hear the
whatever number of names you bid and then you have to name it.
And if you can't then you're out.
But if you ask Rob to name it, it puts it on him.
Kick the can.
I'm just saying that
if I were playing, it would be real easy to stay
on the panel like our friend Greg
Wisniewski because...
Alright, I'll let him
name... What do I say in three?
I say in three?
Sure. Okay, and then you go ahead and say in two, and then you leave.
That's exactly how that works, Bonnie.
Thank you.
We sat here through all of this just to leave before we ever actually did.
I know, right? It's crazy.
Hello.
Doogie Horner, everybody!
Thank you Doug
It's great to be here
Doogie's my newish friend
That I met in Philadelphia
And now he's in New York
Doing stand-up comedy
And everybody seems to like him
All the other guests tonight
Are happy to see him
Seth's not wild about me
And he also participated in the
I did a movie interruption
Of Revenge of the Nerds In Philadelphia And he was one of the inter I did a movie interruption of Avenger the Nerds in Philadelphia,
and he was one of the interrupters.
It was so much fun.
And it was hilarious, and it was a good time.
Yeah, have you been to the movies lately?
I did a 24-hour horror movie marathon in Philly.
I do it every year.
Can you name them all?
Like, really fast?
The Keep.
Okay, so no.
name them all? Like really fast?
The Keep.
Okay, so no.
Horrible Godzilla movie.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3.
Kingdom of the Spiders.
Blank Magic. The Gate 2,
which was phenomenal.
It's funny, like, you know, in The Gate, they open up this gate to another world and
hundreds of demons
come out. The second movie,
a little more low budget,
one demon.
Much more character-driven, you know?
You really get to know the people.
One is scarier than a lot sometimes.
One person can do some terrible things.
He's in a cage the whole time, too,
so they can have a wire underneath it.
But it's actually better than the first one.
Oh, okay.
Probably a pretty low bar on that.
Yeah.
They just step over it.
What's in the prize bag for us from you
today? Oh, so I brought, I feel bad
everybody, we all brought our own things,
but I brought a Everything Explained
Through Flowcharts, a book I wrote.
That's great.
Everything Explained Through Flowcharts,
and it really has a bunch of flowcharts.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's awesome.
No, it's all nude photos of Will Smith.
Or nude photos of the progressive insurance lady.
Oh, I wish.
I wish.
And you got any dates coming up we should know about?
Yeah, I'm going to be in Philly at Underground Arts this Wednesday.
I'm going to be in Portland at Helium this weekend.
And then I'm going to be at Go Bananas January 9th through the 11th.
That's in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Yeah, Cincinnati.
Cincinnati.
Okay, and I think that's all the questions I need to ask you.
Do you need to know who I'm playing for?
Yes, Ben.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Can I plug something else?
Is it cash cab?
I just remembered another day.
Is it hashtag bring back cash cab?
It's a cash Uber.
New idea.
It's totally different. It's totally different.
It's totally different.
So, yes.
Or you could slap a mustache on your own car
and just call yourself a cash lift.
It's totally different than cash Uber,
my previous show.
It is, because I put a mustache on it,
and anybody can do it.
All right, so thanks.
What?
How many names do you need?
I kind of like to hear what Ben has to plug.
I hope he wants to plug a Sarasota microphone.
He's still got a microphone. I bet you he'll get his plug in sometime.
I'll sneak it in at a better time. I'm sorry I interrupted.
So she chose three.
Uh-huh.
You can go 2-1-0, negative one.
Or I can say, name it!
Yeah, you could.
But then if she knows it...
Then you wouldn't be sitting next to the lovely Bonnie McFarlane any longer.
Maybe. I don't know.
Oh, she seemed...
One of you is going to have to leave, yeah.
Oh, man. I don't want this relationship to end.
Me and this stranger on a stage sitting on folding chairs quietly next to each other.
I want this to last forever.
And it just might.
I'll be at the Colonial Theater in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania
on January 15th.
And folks, look under your chairs.
You all got tickets.
I feel conflicted because
I'm positive I know it,
but I'm afraid then having it, but I don't...
I'm afraid then having...
I know I know it, but I'm afraid then that having said that,
I'll be like...
And they'll be like, get the fuck...
So I'm afraid my hubris will bite me in the ass,
so I guess I'll say...
Chew.
It just seems to be what everyone else is doing.
I'll play it safe, I guess.
How are you going to do that?
What's that?
What are you going to do?
Well, I know it, but I'm afraid...
Which one do you consider playing it safe?
I guess I'll say two.
He says two names, Seth.
Seth Herzog, everybody.
Everybody.
I thought for sure I'd be the only one left at this point
I'm a little mad everyone is still here
I have to be honest with you
I always thought it'd be fun if at some point
there was like a movie with 13 names and it just went
all the way through everybody
but that's never happened
it always just gets stopped pretty quickly
this is a long one, though.
Really?
Only five names, and we're down to two.
I know.
Who are you playing for, first of all?
The Red Cross.
You're leaning on it.
Playing for the Red Cross tonight.
I can clearly see some sort of big poster that you're leaning on.
No, this is a poster.
It's got a bell on it.
Yep. Here, leaning on. This is a poster. It's got a bell on it. Yep.
Here, hang on.
I don't have any change.
Change.
It's a poster,
a framed poster
from Frank Capra's
It's a Devon Derful Life.
I just photobombed
a picture of you
holding it that Devin took.
Yes, yes, yes. That almost works.
Not at all does that work.
And yet you picked it. I picked it because I thought
that he carried this around
on the subway. Did you come on the subway?
You took a bus here.
You took this on the bus and lived
to tell the tale.
This didn't get stolen. He didn't get beaten.
You know he was walking with it above
over his head
when it was raining.
Yeah, he was walking
down the street
and people were
giving him change.
Oh my God.
That bell kept ringing
with every step.
Oh my Lord.
They're like,
go get your Santa costume.
That bell rung seven times.
A bunch of angels
have just got their wings.
I think that's what it was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, look at me.
I'm giving out wings.
Yeah.
Get me!
Do I have to slip you my left for a
convincer? Best line of the movie.
What do you got to plug, buddy?
Oh, Lord.
Where are you playing?
I know you didn't have a lot of time to think about
the answers to these questions.
I was thinking about it. Phoenixville Theatre
and Colonial...
Columbo? I said it backwards. I did a I was thinking about it. Phoenixville Theater and Colonial.
Columbo?
I said it backwards.
I did a little video short for IFC that dropped this weekend.
It's Comedy Drop, it's called, where you go in to do stand-up at stores, shoe stores and stuff.
No one's expecting stand-up.
And I did it at a grocery store.
It's pretty funny.
I follow the people around and do jokes with them while I shop.
You can go on IFC and check that out.
That's just posted.
What do you got for the bag?
I'm a little annoyed, I have to tell you.
Really?
I also got the first season of Wahlburgers. Fucking Ben Bailey, man.
With something this precious, it never hurts to have doubles.
Keep them in two different rooms in the house.
If you get robbed, maybe one will survive.
Maybe one will be the lone survivor.
Mine is the Donnie of the two.
I went to the...
At the Fallon Show,
there's a free bin of the stuff
that no one wants, books, DVDs,
and that was the best
of the worst stuff.
Fair enough. Yeah.
But I love that you also brought that. That's hilarious.
Give one to a friend
or an enemy or whatever. Yeah.
Throw one overhand at somebody out in the street.
They're literally handing them out to everyone.
Damn you! We tend to be really mad at somebody.
Throw that at them and then walk away.
They'll just be like, why Walt Burgers?
The whole season.
Who do they think I am?
Okay, Seth.
You're in a position.
I can see why you took a lot of time with all your answers.
I did.
Have you been to the movies lately?
Last night, I watched The Canyons.
Watch it out. I jerked off to night, I watched The Canyons. Watch it out.
I jerked off to the first half of The Canyons.
I watched it all the way through, to be honest with you.
Second half of The Canyons is all downhill.
It's all downhill.
Have you seen it?
I did.
It's interesting.
I understand what he went through,
having to try to rein in out of control Lindsay Lohan.
And also the lead actor
is a porn star.
So the results are
pretty much what you'd expect.
I thought it was like a Cinemax
3 in the morning movie and then I realized
oh Lindsay Lohan's doing like Cinemax movies?
And I realized oh it's the Canyons
but it's no different
than any of those like soft porn. You know. It's the Canyons, but it's no different than any of those, like, soft porn, you know.
It's a little different, but I get your meaning.
Yeah, you get my point.
Yeah.
How many names do you think you can get in this movie?
And Doogie said two names.
Doogie's going to do it in two names.
I'm going to test Doogie, see if he can do it in two.
He's going to challenge Doogie?
Yes.
All right.
Sure you want to do that, Seth?
Yeah, I'm very positive, because I don't think you can do it
The year Doogie is 2005
Two and a half stars from Leonard
I remember it fondly
He said about this movie that
It's been so long
I don't even remember what I said about it
You said it was funny at times
What else did I say?
Said Sarah Silverman was in it.
Oh, it makes you think.
It forces the audience to think.
I wish I had seen another movie.
Very good.
You remembered all of the clues.
And your two names.
Completely fucking useless clues.
Well, I mean, think of movies that Sarah Silverman's been in.
And these two people were in it as well.
Okay.
Steve Agee and Laura Silverman.
The title of the film.
Please.
You've been a great guest, Dougie.
Yeah, I got no clue.
Thank you so much for coming. Dougie Horner
has to leave us.
So soon after we got to know him.
Thanks, Dougie.
Oh yeah, we didn't ask him who he was playing for, ever?
Dougie, who are you playing for?
Tell us from the beyond.
Oh, it's a Tony Shalhoub.
Meredith.
Meredith, played by Tony Shalhoub.
All right, so we'll just leave that to me.
I'll use the shithead there at the end.
Thank you again, Doogie.
Doogie will be back.
He's a great guest, and we'll see him again sometime.
Oh, I should have said that about the earliest people kicked off.
I don't know how to wait until now to feel bad about somebody getting kicked off.
Oh, poor Doogie.
So we're back around in the lineup. Oh, poor Doogie. So we're back around in the lineup.
Oh, nobody really cares.
It's called...
Yeah, go ahead. Take the mic back.
Was it...
They were both in her...
Can I guess? Was it...
Was it her special?
Jesus is Magic?
What's the full title?
Jesus is Magic? So's the full title? Jesus is Magic?
So is my puss?
Wow.
How did you know that?
Sarah Silverman
colon Jesus is Magic.
And it does count as a feature film. It's played in
theaters and everything. Documentary
style, I guess. Werner Herzog.
Werner Herzog.
Sarah Silverman.
Colin. Jesus is magic.
Jesus is magic.
All those dancing
chickens at the end. What's that?
They're all those dancing chickens at the end of the movie.
Strozas?
Are you thinking about the Muppet movie?
No.
No. Strozas.
What's that?
Strozesque.
There's a dancing chicken at the end.
I don't know what it is either.
You've lost everybody with this, but I love it.
I love a smart 18-year-old.
Thank you.
Yeah.
But I was trying to say before I was rudely interrupted with information everybody wanted to know.
Thank you, Bonnie.
We're back around in the lineup.
I just thank you for doing that.
It sounded sarcastic.
No, it wasn't sarcastic.
That sounded sarcastic.
And off mic.
Greg, we're back to you.
Hello.
Wyshynski, hockey blogger.
Yeah, I really...
Thinks Goon is the best hockey movie ever made
I really thought I was going to be the Star Trek red shirt
of this panel but
then the Olsen category happens
alright we'll get down to five
after each round we switch
we go in the opposite order
I don't know why I'm telling you that now
I've known every movie
so far
except for that one just now?
When you got up and said you knew it
You were just joking?
No I did not
You didn't?
I did not
She dedicated that movie to me
Greg
Let's meet Greg everybody
What's your plugs
you get the category
that's been on the show for a little bit now
called Voight or Wilson
and it's movies with
John Voight or a volleyball
the year is 2000
straight up three and a half stars
from Leonard Maltin
for this movie
that he says
is great movie making.
Three and a half stars,
by the way.
And he also
specifically names
the screenwriter
for some reason.
I don't know what that's about.
That doesn't count as a clue.
Boy, it's really hard.
He says this movie's about a man.
He says that the lead actor has a lot of goodwill.
With the public, I assume.
And he lists seven names.
Takes six, Doug.
Greg wants six names.
We go down to Carmen Lynch.
How many names do you think it'll take you to name it?
Or challenge Greg.
I'll be at the University of Arkansas in Little Rock in January.
I don't know.
I'm going to challenge you.
He gets six names?
No, yeah, for him.
Yeah.
I'm going to name six names in this movie.
You just made the he should know it voice.
I'll make it with the exact words. You should know this.
In fact, feel free
to say it out loud the second you know it.
Oh, God. I think
everyone in this room can get it after one name.
Because the seventh name
listed by Leonard Maltz in this movie
is Wilson.
Everyone but Bonnie McFarlane
knows the answer.
And Ben Bailey
because he was in the shitter.
Tell us the name of the movie, Greg.
Castaway.
That's correct.
And we have to say goodbye to Carmen Lynch.
Thank you for being here.
Happy holidays.
Don't forget your phone, yeah.
Thank you.
She was nice.
Chris Tinkle.
What's up buddy
you ready buddy
yes
we're getting down to it
it's tense
yeah
we've got
eight well behaved
children left
so creepy
Hot Deuce
is the name of this category
Hot Deuce
alright
and Hot Deuce
is a sequel that Leonard Malkin gave more stars than the original.
Ooh.
A sequel that Leonard liked more than the original.
Have we played this on the show recently?
Yeah.
Bag it.
Apologies.
I know some of you listened to recent episodes to prepare,
and normally I don't give a shit about that sort of thing,
but this is important.
Your category, Chris Tinkle,
is Aiden Quintessential.
And it's films that feature Aiden Quinn that Leonard Maltin gave three stars or more.
Just to help you out a little bit,
I'll let you pick the year
between
1985
or 1993.
1993.
The audience said 93. You agree.
Three stars
from Mr. Maltin for this movie
that he calls Sweet Natured.
And he says that
it's got endearing performances.
But if it wasn't for those performances,
it would otherwise strain all credibility.
That's a nice way of saying three stars.
Yeah, I picked out some of the passages
where they were not as nice.
And he names ten names.
How many names can you get it in?
Ten.
Says he wants all ten names there.
Jesse, what do you think of that?
I'm going to say name that movie.
Oh, my God, Jesse.
Bringing the hammer down.
Goddamn kid., I have nothing else
more in my life
Alright
Okay, again
I'm gonna have your mom stop your Facebook account
God damn
fucking kid
I'm getting fucking
Bullied by a kid still in high school
College
He's in college dude
Visiting home from college
But
You guys have been great tonight
Nobody's even tried to yell out an answer
Even whisper an answer
Yeah
It's very nice of you
But this one,
you guys are going to know it.
So just hold it in.
Especially you, pizza box.
Are there still any more slices in there?
Because I will throw them at you.
Two slices there.
Seth, are you going to throw one at somebody
or are you going to eat it?
I'm going to eat it.
Okay.
That's probably the more humane thing to do.
It's better cold.
Is it better cold?
Oh, I hope.
I hope it's better cold.
The reviews on the...
Oh, shit.
The reviews on the hot version weren't too good.
All right, here's your ten names.
Chris Tinkle.
Eileen Ryan.
William H. Macy.
Joe Griffasi.
Dan Hedaya. C.C. H. Pounder
Oliver Platt
Julianne Moore
Aidan Quinn
In the three slot
Mary Stewart Masterson at number two
Coming in at number one with a bullet
Johnny Depp
I'm going to say Biddy and June.
That is correct.
You took a game, old Jesse.
It did not pay off.
Thank you for being here once again.
The 13th guest of Christmas, Jesse Pasternak.
Shaking hands.
You did it, Jesse.
Oh, that was...
Good job, Chris.
I was...
Thank you.
I was worried you wouldn't get it,
and most people knew what it was.
If you would have beat me,
it would have been a long cab ride home.
Oh, really?
You would have put him in a cab?
All right.
We're going over to our friend Dan Schecter now.
I never said who I was playing for.
I just wanted to say I'm playing for Anthony,
which is based on the movie Ants with Woody Allen.
Oh, there you go.
He didn't seem too thrilled when I took this from him.
He wasn't that into it.
Maybe he wanted John Hodgman to take it from him.
I wish you the best, sir.
All right. Good luck to him.
Thanks, bud.
And good luck to you.
Your category is... God damn it, timing gets so interesting on this sometimes.
Celebrating a birthday today,
Woody Allen.
The films of Woody Allen.
The year,
I'm guessing, is 1993.
Leonard gives this movie three stars.
He calls it slight but enjoyable.
He also says that Woody Allen wrote this one with a collaborator.
And it has some very funny set pieces.
And he lists ten names.
How many names can you get it in, Dan Sector, director of Life of Crime, Doug Diggs?
Three names.
Oh, Ben Bailey.
What are you going to do?
Three?
That's what he says, Ben.
Wait, I didn't hear the category.
The films of Woody Allen.
Oh.
Films, and there was a year.
No fancy pun.
What are you doing?
It's not even on you.
I know, but I'm getting ready.
You're not supposed to say anything.
But I don't know what you're...
It's quiet time.
Ben's in a bit of a pinch.
I think it might not get to you, Bonnie.
Okay.
I didn't realize I was in a pinch until you said it.
You didn't seem anxious to decide what to do.
You know, I feel a little bit uncomfortable.
He fucking knows it, this guy.
You should never play poker.
You know it.
I was like, what year?
You're like, 93.
I'm so glad we're not in a fucking card game right now.
Yeah, you know he has a good hand But this is a different game
Yeah
So what do I have to decide?
If I tell him to name it
He's going to get three names
You're out
I'm out
I'm downstairs getting stoned with all the other comics
Oh, they've all left
No, they're downstairs, dude
For real?
Yeah
Everybody's just hanging out?
Yeah
What a nice group of people They like you I think they like you, Doug Oh, they've all left. No, they're downstairs, dude. For reals? Yeah. Everybody's just hanging out? Yeah.
What a nice group of people. They like you.
I think they like you, Doug.
Oh, okay.
You know, usually people on these elimination shows, people just leave.
They're down there chatting.
No, dude, they're hanging out.
Okay.
They want to see who wins.
I was kind of hoping to have the room to myself when the show's over, because I like to have
a good jerk and cry after these.
I wish we did more things together.
Like smoking weed in a hotel room
the night before you had to
take your cab driver's test?
Yeah, yeah, like that, yeah.
That's just an example.
I'm not saying it happened.
I was referring to jerking and crying,
though, in this particular instance.
How could you have not picked it on?
All right, Lynn Stallmaster.
Oh, you fucker, now you got me.
What do you think?
I either have to say two or tell them to name it, right?
Or one, or zero, or negative
one, or negative two,
or negative three. Oh, really? All the way
to ten.
All the way to negative ten?
Then I have to start telling you people
the entire cast in the right order
from the top.
You're serious?
Yeah.
I've played this game too many times
to not fucking know that shit yet.
Alright.
You'd be surprised how many times people can play
and not know anything still.
Woody Allen, 1993.
This guy's got three people in it.
I thought the thinking it through part had happened already.
We were nearing a decision.
Well, that's the thing about stalling.
You can't really...
If you're effectively stalling,
then you're unable to think about what you need to be thinking about
because you're so focused on stalling.
No, the effective ones talk and talk and talk while thinking.
All of a sudden, you realize...
The multitask.
The fuck time is still up.
Yeah.
And you haven't made a choice.
So during this part, were you able to think
or were you just thinking about what we've been saying?
I'm going to have to think about that.
How many?
Say something.
Say name it or bid lower.
Name it.
All right.
It's been nice having you, Ben Bailey.
Dan's three names are
Aida Turturro,
Marge Redmond,
and Joy Behar.
From 1993, the film Dan is called...
I gotta narrow it down to two movies.
Oh, shit. Ben is still in it
shit
I didn't know
oh
those names
slight
slight but enjoyable
I'm not saying
this is what I
co-wrote it
with somebody else
I'm not saying
this is what I think it is
so I'm just
just thinking out loud
I was thinking
it could be this is not my guess but it could be it is. So I just want to say, just thinking out loud, I was thinking it could be, this is not my guess, but it could be.
What do you, then I may have to react if you name them both.
Well, I don't know if I'm hard putting it in.
I was going to say Bullets Over Broadway,
but I don't think I want to say that.
That's not slight.
Oh, man, what if that's the answer now?
Tell us what you're going to say.
Pick one.
Shit, it was either that or Mighty Aphrodite.
Pick one of those two. Fuck, I'm sorry. All us what you're going to say. Pick one. Shit. It was either that or Mighty Aphrodite. Pick one of those two.
Fuck. I'm sorry. Alright. I'm going to say I'm going to say Mighty
Aphrodite. Sit down, Ben Bailey. It's
neither of those movies. It's Manhattan
Murder Mystery. Oh, that's such a good movie.
No.
Alright.
Thank you, Dan Schechter.
Go see it.
Watch Life and Crime
On wherever
Whatever you watch movies on
It's great
And we'll see
If you want to hang around backstage
We'll say hi after
They're not
They're not really down there
I'm really
It's empty right
Yeah
Or maybe one or two
I'm just fucking with you
They are down there
I'm not I'm not fucking with you They are down there I'm not fucking with you on purpose
Alright
That was fun
That was dramatic
He's a big Woody Allen fan
So that's why I thought
Oh shit he really lucked in
He really was
He had it narrowed down to two.
Joy Behar was only in one Woody Allen movie.
Why would you invite her back?
I like Joy Behar.
It's fun.
We're just having fun.
Who cares?
Who cares?
Who cares?
Okay, so we're Good job, Ben
We're on to Rob Pantrell
Thanks, man
We're getting down to it here
Yep, I forgot to talk about
My name tag, Doug
I'm sorry about that
Okay, yeah, tell us who you're playing for
Totally Donna
Tello
Dudes, it's an awesome
Oh, it's a teenage
Yeah
That's exactly what it is, Doug It's a teenage But Yeah. That's exactly what it is, Doug.
It's a teenage...
But it's a pretty awesome sweater.
It's a sweater? Oh, my goodness.
A kid's sweater.
A kid's sweater.
So, yeah, it's got turtles and kung fu.
Send out an Amber Alert, then.
It's very creepy to be like...
It is a bit creepy.
I was drawn to it.
I don't know why.
But I think it's kind of rad.
All right.
Your category
is called...
Oh, it's
another birthday.
There's a lot of crazy birthdays on December 1st.
Bette Midler was born
on December 1st. She's been in a lot of crazy birthdays on December 1st. Bette Midler was born on December 1st.
She's been in a bunch of movies.
Yeah.
So it's the films of Bette Midler.
And this particular one that I chose is from 1988.
Oh.
Oh!
Look at it!
She knows!
She's the worst.
She acts like she knows every time.
You can just act like you know and say you did afterwards.
But you're right there next to Rob, so we'll see what happens.
Two and a half stars.
Where's Ben going now?
He's just cruising up into the balcony.
He hates when I know.
Oh, he's going to the bar.
Oh, what a gentleman.
You could have asked for a drink.
They would have brought you something.
But just go to the bar. That's
great. And while you're there, go ahead
and sign some autographs and take some pictures.
I'll be here
for a while, Ben, if you want to tell me something.
Two and a half stars,
Rob, for this movie that's got
Bette Midler in it from 1988.
She co-produced this movie.
I didn't know that.
The director of... she co-produced this movie I didn't know that the director
the director of the film
used a lot of what
this Leonard calls
his regulars in cameo roles
and
he also says about this movie that it's
okay
okay and he also says about this movie that it's okay.
Okay.
And he lists nine names.
How many can you get in?
MC Rob Cantrell.
Yep.
I'm a big Bette Midler fan.
She influenced a lot of my hip-hop out there.
She's one of the original great entertainer. Nothing but kindness
and love towards Bette Midler.
And I would like to
name that movie in
eight names.
Alright, and we go to Bonnie.
On name and seven.
Okay, Seth.
I'm excited. I wasn't expecting
her to say that.
Her excitement level didn't really project that.
But yeah, good job, Bonnie.
I will six-name that movie.
Oh, Seth.
Now we go back to Craig.
Very dramatic mic pass.
You know that thing on The Price is rate with the cliffhanger?
That's what's happening to me right now Five names
Fisticle
What's up, buddy? I can name it in four names
Oh, Ben Bailey
He's in another spot
Ben Bailey's in another spot.
Ben Bailey's in a pickle once again.
He's the pickle man.
You're the pickle merchant.
How'd you get here? Did you have to cross Delancey.
How many fucking names are we at?
Two, three, two?
Four.
Tinkle, Tinkle.
So I have to say three.
Give me the movie, 88.
Oh, you want the title?
The title is...
Who's in it?
Joy Behar?
It's okay.
We're not to that point yet.
We haven't named anybody.
I mean, we know Bette Midler's in it.
We're assuming Joy Behar.
Pretty safe bet.
She has been in
like three films.
She was great in...
Ada Torturo is probably in this one too, isn't she?
Because it's just that kind of fucking day, isn't it?
He's in four days, man.
88.
88?
Yeah!
Fuck.
What are you doing posing?
You know it, Cantrell!
Do you know it?
Three.
I'll go three.
Oh, shit.
I'd say name that movie, Ben.
Oh.
Oh, this is gonna... I guess I left you no choice.
Apologies to put your hands together.
I might not be back by Tuesday, December 9th.
That's a good idea.
It's just gonna be over.
Your three names.
Oh, I get names.
I thought I was already out. Like, fuck, I don't know. Oh, no, I get names. All right. I thought I was already out.
Like, fuck, I don't know.
Oh, no, I get names, too.
Once again, people in the audience are going to know this.
Yell it out if you know it.
Fucking shit right out and fuck this up for me.
The opposite of cash cab.
Keep it to yourself.
I will get you a fucking ride in the cash cab
if you get me out of this shit right now.
It's still parked in his garage.
He has really intimate disco parties in it.
Or group suicides.
My career is still in there somewhere, Doug.
I can't let it go yet, man.
All right, three names.
Hit me.
Fuck.
Which one do you want me to do?
All three.
All right.
And Bonnie's going to know this as well.
Marcy Leeds.
Mayim Bialik,
and Grace Johnston are your three names.
Oh, fucking Grace Johnston?
In this Bette Midler movie.
Come on, somebody said...
What the hell?
Oh.
We've got a sitter.
The Blossom fans have spoken.
The Rose?
That's a great guess, because Bette Midler, of course, was in that.
But.
You guys know that I'm not gay, right?
But that's incorrect.
I'm afraid you're out, Ben Bailey.
Oh, hey, what a fuck.
Oh, yes.
I have nothing to say.
It was awesome.
Thanks, man.
Best of luck, guys.
Thank you, Ben.
And here's a movie that every time you hear of it
for the rest of your life,
you'll be madder at it than you probably were already
called Beaches.
Whenever you're flipping through the Lifetime channel
and you see her driving on a wet road,
sobbing, you'll just kick in your
television set. And pass
the autopilot down here for me, please.
Ben Bailey, everybody!
Oh, the shithead's underneath the elaborate thing you've got to peel away here.
Oh, Jesus.
He's putting me to work on this shit.
I didn't know I'd be doing some weather stripping during the show, but there it is. All right.
Put it here. What's the matter, but there it is. All right. Put it here.
What's the matter, Bonnie?
What happened?
Ben Bailey just left us.
Yeah?
Yeah, you seem happy about that.
No, I like him.
You smiled weirdly.
She wants to know what happened in the back of the...
I don't know why...
People write shitheads on the back of their name tags
for me to say, if you lose today,
I'm going to say that out loud at the end of the show and call that person
a shithead or thing or whatever it is
they wrote.
Where are we? What's going on?
We're back to Rob.
We're back to Rob.
He was the one who said
name it, so would it be me?
Oh yeah, Rob's
in it. Good job, Bonnie.
Greg's taking off again
Where are you going Greg?
Oh yeah you can't leave a hockey jersey lying around
What if somebody lights it on fire or something
Or sits on it
Isn't that sacrilege like you can't put it on the floor either
Oh shit
I am getting nervous though
It's officially my whoopee for the rest of the game
Oh you're going to hold it like a little
Like Michael Keaton's kid in Mr. Mom?
All right, so Bonnie gets to go first,
and then we switch the order every round,
so it's going to come back at you, Rob,
from Bonnie.
We haven't been doing that.
That's the first time we're doing it.
But every round, starting now.
This is now the second round.
Early on, when you were carefree and
rules didn't matter, I said
you didn't think you'd get this far. I said
when we got to five players we'll
change the order around.
Because it's more like the
regular show that you've listened to
a few episodes of. Supposedly.
Really good.
I hate my wife!
Movies are okay!
Your next category,
Bonnie, is a little thing that we call
Ethan Hawke Down.
And it's films where Ethan Hawke
dies.
The year is
2000, or maybe
it's 1000.
Two stars from Leonard for this movie that he says is based on timeless material.
And he also says that the stunt casting in this movie scores some occasional points.
And he lists 13 names.
Yeah. How many, Bonnie?
13. Fair enough.
Rob Cantrell?
I can name it
in 12.
Okay. I like how you thought
about that. Yeah, it was good to stop for a second
there and think about it. Now we go to Chris
Tinkle.
Give him a microphone, one of you guys.
Thank you.
No problem.
Would you say 12?
All right, let's get this going faster.
10.
I can name it 10.
Try to speed it up, buddy.
Greg?
You know, there comes a time in every man's life when he says,
Zero names, Doug.
Oh.
Seth, what are you going to do with that?
Wow.
Yeah, let's get Seth a microphone
so he can talk us through it.
Fifteen names.
Okay, let's get the microphone
away from Sal.
Sal McKinnon.
Give it a shot. I think you should do it.
Alright, he says name that movie, Greg.
Alright.
Just say it. Is it Great Expectations?
That is incorrect.
Oh, shit.
Greg Wyshynski,
thank you so much for being here
pass me your shithead
what was it
Great Expectations was 98
that's true look it up
but December of 98
November
but he kind of I think got
hung up on the timeless material or whatever
because the film full of came cameos, crazy cameos.
Bill Murray was in this and Steve Zahn.
And it's called Hamlet.
Hamlet.
You guys have heard of it? Hamlet?
Anyone? Anyone?
And this Kermit, I want them to get their Kermit back, You guys have heard of it? Hamlet? Anyone? Anyone?
And this Kermit, I want them to get their Kermit back,
but you've got to take Kermit out of this thing to see the shithead.
What? Is there multiple shitheads on here?
What the hell?
Speaking around Bonnie made me do a Dat fan impression. He said you made him do a Dat fan impression.
You said you made him do a Dat fan impression.
She didn't make me do it.
I was thinking of him while she was around.
Oh, Kermit!
You lost the batteries.
Batteries rolled out of his ass.
All right.
Listen, you guys, let's leave your friends, okay?
It's getting down to it.
No, I'm good.
Leave friends.
Devin didn't even want me to play for him.
He wanted to give it to Sam, the kid.
And now look who's gone and look who's here.
Right?
I'm still here.
Exactly my point.
No, you don't have to worship me.
If you could think of any other
ways to drag this out, I'd appreciate it.
We've been
going seven hours.
We've locked the doors. I'm exhausted. I feel like
Jerry Lewis's telethon.
You guys are my kids.
And we're going to start again
with you Bonnie
what's the category Doug
and it's coming right back at you Seth
I'm totally down
the category Bonnie is paper
popular category
that's films in which
Dwayne Johnson dies.
Because he is the rock
and paper beats rock.
Oh, got it.
Possibly the best slow burn
category in the history of
the eight or nine year history
of Douglas movies.
And you get to pick a year, Bonnie, between
2005 and 2007.
I will go with him at his peak.
2006.
Okay, you got 2005 or 2007?
Oh.
Not as bad.
2005. Okay. 2005 okay
bomb says Leonard
about this movie from 2005
that he calls a British Czech German
US production
he also calls it
brainless
and he says there's an alternate
the movie's about 100 minutes long but there's an alternate 113 minute
unrated director's cut
it's the kind of information he used to give out
because it didn't happen all the time
but there's always a director's cut that's unrated
these days
and he says it was inspired by a controversial thing
he doesn't use the word thing though
he's more direct about what it is
and he lists...
11 names.
Name that movie.
You get to start the bidding.
You wanted Doug to name it.
Nice try, though.
I'll take all the names.
Yes. Good bid.
Very good bid. Seth? 10 names. Yes. Good bid. Very good bid.
Seth?
Ten names.
Also a smart bid.
Got some smart players left here.
KT?
You know what?
I'm going to say eight names.
Okay.
Took a little jump there.
See what Rob Cantrell does with that.
Say, name that movie.
Oh! All right. I say name that movie Alright you get 8 out of 11 names dude
God damn you Rob
I gotta pee so bad
The only movie I know is pee
It's all that green tea you know
I just got so jacked up on that green tea.
Doug Jones.
Brian Steele.
Dexter Fletcher.
Al Weaver.
Richard Brake.
What the fuck?
Raz Addo.
Ben Daniels.
And
Diobia
Opere.
I'm sorry, Chris.
These last three names
would really be helpful.
2005? Especially compared to the previous eight names
and the year is
2005 and the rock is in it
and it's a bomb and it's brainless
and he dies
and there's a director's cut that's unrated
it's based on real events
and he dies
what do you got?
it's based on a controversial thing
according to
Leonard. I got two guesses.
I don't remember the controversy.
I got two guesses. Oh, pick one.
Damn it, dude.
You can do it.
And by that I mean say
something.
Southland Tales.
Southland Tales?
Yes. Incorrect. Fuck.
You're out.
I knew that would not get old.
Can I guess what it was?
Please.
Scorpion King?
No.
All right, fuck.
Wow. Chris, the movie's called Doom. Doom. Doom. Scorpion King? No Alright fuck Wow
Chris the movie's called
Doom
Doom
Doom
Doom
Yeah
New Dune
Dwayne Johnson was second build
In that one
Of course as The Rock
Wow
Thank you Chris for coming
And I guess you're gone already
So I don't know why I'm talking to you still
Just ran out of here It's kind of sad The three people that know The least about movies for coming and I guess you're gone already so I don't know why I'm talking to you still.
Just ran out of here.
It's kind of sad.
The three people that know the least about movies are left.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's true.
I'm scouting Doug.
Doug's cleaning up the stage.
I know.
This is a good time to clean up What happens now?
Can I take a piss?
I need to gather my shithits
Alright
Well this is weird
Because it starts with Bonnie again
Oh my god
But then we'll go to Rob
This way
And
Please be something
This is getting intense
Yeah The category, Bonnie to Rob. This way. And, please be something. This is getting intense.
Yeah.
The category,
Bonnie,
suggested by Derek Seibel
or Seibel.
I love him.
Is,
do you want
to do some snowman?
Put it up your nose.
Oh,
it's cocaine movies?
And it's movies that have cocaine in them.
Okay, okay.
This is good for me.
That's a lot of movies.
A lot of Christmas movies in that one.
Okay.
Wow.
The year, Bonnie, is 1983.
One and a half stars for Leonard.
One and a half from Leonard. One and a half stars for Leonard. One and a half from Leonard.
One and a half.
He says...
Is there anybody famous in it?
Mm-hmm.
The floor is closed to questions.
Okay.
He says this film wallows in excess.
Is nearly three hours long, and offers no new insights.
And he lists nine names.
How many names, Bonnie?
Nine names.
Good opening bit.
We go to the P-Master.
Oh, I can name it in five movies.
I mean, five... If I had five movies to choose,
one of them might be right.
I could do it in five multiple-choice answers.
Yes, definitely.
I know a lot of cocaine movies, so...
I'm kind of confident.
I could do it in five names, Doug.
But it's 83.
83, I know this one.
Oh, okay.
I don't know it, but...
He's very...
You don't know it,
but you know it.
But I might.
He's thinking with the names.
Yeah.
Yeah, five.
I'll four name it.
Oh.
Name it! Bonnie loves to'll four name it. Oh. Name it!
Bonnie loves to make people name it.
I like her enthusiasm for that.
Here's your four names, Seth Herzog, and thank you for coming.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That was premature, like most of those.
No, I'm just really grateful that you're here.
I asked you at the last minute.
You're very nice to always participate when I need you. You have a show
on Tuesday nights here that you always ask me to
participate in. Do you want to plug that in real quick?
You're always going to the theater.
I go to see shows instead.
Where is it?
Orchard and Stanton called
The Slipper Room.
Tuesday nights. Yeah, it's fun.
Awesome show. Running for years there.
Ten.
Whoa.
Your four names are?
That got weird silence.
Because people just want this game to go.
Harris Ulin.
Oh, yeah.
Paul Sheenar.
Yep.
F. Murray Abraham.
Yep.
And Miriam Colon. Yep. Are your four names from this movie from 1983? Yep. F. Murray Abraham. Yep. And Miriam Colon.
Yep.
Are your four names from this movie from 1983.
Yep.
Cocaine, one and a half stars.
Scarface.
Correct.
Bonnie McFarlane, we have to say goodbye.
Thank you, Bonnie.
That was awesome.
Great job.
I ironically recently just saw the Harris-Yulin and F. Murray-Abraham scenes in that movie.
That's not even a joke.
No shithead?
Sorry.
Embarrassed.
Embarrassed. Embarrassed.
You need to leave.
I thought of one that I'll say on your behalf.
It's going to go something like this.
Oh, wow.
We got two dudes left.
Got a nice job, fellas.
You're still in it, Devin.
You're still in it, Devin. You're still in it.
This is where things get particularly...
Oh, my God.
There's so many name tags still laying around.
I will also say that pizza slice was weird.
It tasted awful.
It looked a little funky.
I think the sauce turned or something.
It was not...
It was like, oh, that's good pizza.
It was like, no, this pizza It was like No this is Something
Went horribly awry
What's that?
It was one of the
Dollar slices
It was one of the
Dollar slices
What'd you get?
Did you make it at home?
Mike's pizza
Mike's pizza
Oh yeah
They don't use real sauce
That's barbecue sauce
Yeah
That's ketchup
It's rat sauce
Does
Does Star Lars
Have a
A shithead? Yeah it's Lars It's Oh. It's rat sauce. Does Star Lars have a shithead?
Yeah, it's Lars.
It's, oh.
You're just, okay.
Lars is an asshole, apparently.
Okay.
All right, I got it.
All right, so for this final round,
is there a Pez in that?
Holy shit, you just found free Pez.
Oh, wow.
Seth Herzog eats floor Pez.
Out of the neck of a pig.
How long has that Pez been in this piggy?
Who knows?
What?
Since childhood.
Mesh?
No, she's saying it's medicated.
It's fresh.
It's meth.
It's little blocks of meth.
There's nothing fresh about this Pez.
Medical meth.
It's old Pez, but I'm keeping it.
Fair enough.
It's time
to play the asparagus pee
category.
Bonnie challenged you in the last
one, and so Rob gets to go
first in this one.
We're going to play a little thing.
The way asparagus pee works is
This fits perfectly. You eat some asparagus pee works is This fits perfectly.
You eat some asparagus and pee
and it smells funny.
That's how that works.
How this category works, suggested by someone
named Asparagus Pee on Twitter,
is I'm going to read the entire review
and then it becomes a negative name game
where you guys have to
just start the bidding.
You're probably both going to know the name of the movie if you don't god help you and you'll you'll bid
so you'll just get right into negative names I mean you could start at zero
names if you want to but everyone's gonna know the name of this movie is my
feeling so we start at negative five or start a negative I'll tell you how many
names after I read the review and then you you have to, if you say negative one,
top-billed person, negative two, top two-billed,
you have to get it in the order that Leonard lists them.
Oh, I have to name the names Leonard listed.
Yes.
In the order.
In order.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
It's tricky.
You've never seen this category played?
You're not on the show with it?
Yeah, I've done the show, but I haven't done this part.
I think Rob's been around when we played it once.
It's usually a tiebreaker, but I like to finish off the big 12 guest episode.
Let me just say one more time, let's hear it for these two for making it all the way.
Thank you, Doug.
Earned it.
Players who know how to pay attention, play the strategy,
and hold in their urine.
Because you still have to pee, right?
Yeah, I still do. It's all right.
I can do it.
Leonard gives this movie two and a half stars.
It's from the year 2011.
It's a USA film, 98 minutes long.
Three friends who bemoan their fate having to work for abusive bosses.
Live out a fantasy?
I don't need to read the rest of this.
Leonard says that it's the unrated version,
runs 106 minutes,
sporadically funny comedy, has some solid laughs,
as well as the kind of raunchiness we've come
to expect in the post-Hangover
era. He's just blaming
everything on Hangover.
And Leonard lists a whopping 15 names.
Starting with you, Rob Cantrell.
How many zero or negative names?
What would you like to bid?
Zero.
Great opening bid.
So now, if you say negative one,
you've got to name the top-billed person.
Negative two, top two
billed people in the correct order.
One, then two.
I'm down to three, four. I'll say negative three.
He says negative three, Rob.
Name that movie,
Seth.
What's the movie called?
Horrible Bosses. Yes, and the top three billed
people in the correct order
are... Jason Bateman.
I'm not going to say it until you say all three.
You can't just narrow it down that way.
Jason Sudeikis. Charlie Day.
Charlie Day is second
build. Rob
Cantrell is our winner!
Yay! Yay, yay, yay, yay! Rob Cantrell is our winner Yay Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay
Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Come get all your shit, Danny Tello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. There's so much stuff.
Where's your bag?
Where's your bag? Could you guys help me bag this stuff up?
It's a grocery bag.
Let's throw all this stuff in this big bag that Greg brought.
Okay.
Get everything in there, and then we'll give it to her.
I feel like Santa.
Oh, Hodgman's thing's really heavy.
There's a book.
Trey Gallion's CD is called
The Moronic.
Pistachio Crack,
whatever the hell that is.
Star Wars.
Life of Crime.
And that jersey.
And you add all the stuff
in this bag.
Just throw it in
the other bag.
Bag in bag.
You have done
your gift shopping
for the...
That creepy sweater
worked out.
Yeah, thank you.
I love that.
You don't want to miss his
shithead on the back there.
Oh, got it.
There you go.
All right.
Could you hand this back to Devin?
Because I'm sure he wants to keep this.
Can I get the shithead?
Yeah, who doesn't want to keep this?
Yeah.
I'm kidding.
I love it.
It's really...
How did you do that that i was at work and
board you were working bored just taking stuff and making posters with your name on it that's
a good job man thank you seth herzog thank you guys thank you thanks doug and one more time
congratulations to now entered into the ongoing tournament of championships,
Mr. Rob Cantrell, everybody.
All right.
All right.
Thank you, Doug.
Thank you.
So much fun.
All right.
I got a lot of shitheads to read.
Thank you guys so much for coming out and sticking through all of that.
Do you think, is it okay if we do this again next year?
I hope you guys have a terrific holiday season.
And if you want your name tags back, I'll try to get them towards the front of the stage so you can come and grab them.
And as always, the Monday after a four-day weekend is a shithead.
I almost said a four-day afternoon, because that's how I like to celebrate. Boats are a shithead. I almost said a four-day afternoon because that's how I like to celebrate.
Boats are a shithead.
I'm fucking sick of boats.
I can't argue with that one.
Bob McCullough, the Ferguson prosecutor,
is a shithead.
Lars, of course, is a shithead.
People who call themselves a Jedi are shitheads
David, Kalen and Liam are all shitheads
Onisis is a big shithead
They really got a lot of shitheads on a couple of post-its
I guess they don't need those back
Let's see what Devin Decker has to say
Okay, That fits.
No one would wonder who wrote this one.
Eating ethnic food on the bus
is a shithead.
Supersized Chris is a shithead.
Of course, racists are a shithead.
Fucking racists.
Ruining my holiday season.
I definitely did not save the best one for last.
Enterovirus is a shithead.
And finally Unanticipated barfing
In movies and TV shows
And
Dale Decker
Is a shithead
Now it's time we're done to watch
Another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
cause Doug loves movies.