Doug Loves Movies - John Lithgow, Paul F. Tompkins, and Jimmy Pardo Guest
Episode Date: September 29, 2010Doug finally welcomes accomplished actor John Lithgow, along with fan favorites Paul F. Tompkins and Jimmy Pardo, to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Pr...ivacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody! My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the UCB Theater in Hollywood
in front of a live audience.
That's them.
Many of whom are waiting to see Comedy Death Ray,
which is a weekly comedy show at UCB that never fails to delight.
I had a delightful time in Salt Lake
City at Wise Guys
and Austin, Texas at the Cap City
Comedy Club last weekend.
Every time I play Cap City
this thing called
Austin Cake Ball
leaves some cake balls
in the dressing room at the comedy
club and I just have to say they are
fantastic and if you love cake and balls in the dressing room at the comedy club. And I just have to say they are fantastic.
And if you love cake and balls,
you will love Cake Balls.
They didn't ask for any sponsorship,
but when somebody just gives you Cake Balls every time you come to town,
you feel grateful.
So go to austincakeball.com
and check it out.
You can get Cake Balls through the mail.
Speaking of Cakeballs,
don't forget to go to
DougBensonTickets.com
to sign up to attend
the taping of The Benson Interruption,
my new Comedy Central show
at the Music Box Theater
in Hollywood
starting,
the first one's Monday night,
October 11th.
And once again,
that's DougBensonTickets.com.
And don't forget, we're taping another road edition of Doug Loves Movies
on Monday, October 4th, 2010 at Zaney's in Chicago.
And also I'll be performing with Graham Elwood at Helium in Portland, Oregon
October 14th through the 17th.
I'm doing all the plugs now at the beginning of the show
because we always run out of time at the end,
and I realize that that's not
really a good way to do plugs
is to speed through them like,
I'm going to be in San Jaco
and also Portland
on the 17th.
See you there.
Okay, guess what?
This is the 100th free episode
of Doug Loves Movies,
and yeah,
I've done 100 of these things
right here in this theater.
And to celebrate, I'd like to introduce you
to two of your favorite guests
and one guest who will no doubt become a favorite.
Please welcome Jimmy Pardo,
Paul F. Tompkins, and John Lithgow. I'm uh
Doug if I may
I'm gonna pretend
that was for me
I'm gonna take
I'll take a chunk of it
I'll take a little of that
I got a broken chair
by the way
oh Jimmy's got a broken chair
we gotta
swap it out with that one over there.
I don't know where that person is.
But that's going to be nice.
Yep.
There you go.
Jimmy's got a new chair.
Showtime.
Here we go.
So he's finally here.
Thank you, John Lithgow.
And it's go, right?
Not gal?
It's go.
Okay.
I thought I was saying it right, but you know how people are.
Don says it's the other way, and it's not.
But thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule.
You are in L.A. for just like 48 hours.
That's right.
And then you're off to entertain the heartland.
Exactly.
I start barnstorming tomorrow morning.
I'm going on tour for the month of October.
Eleven cities.
I'll be in Tyler, Texas two nights from now.
And Galveston, Lexington, Pittsfield.
You see, I am promoting myself.
That would be awesome if there were listeners to the podcast in Galveston or Pittsfield.
I think it would be amazing if people knew where Tyler was at all.
Tyler, well.
Where's Tyler, John?
Right outside of Dallas.
Love it.
Big D.
The podcast will be available for people to listen to on Friday.
So if you're in Tyler, Texas right now, you missed a great John Lithgow performance last night.
Eat your heart out, Tyler.
You should feel like shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Eat your heart out.
Oh, swearing in front of Mr. Lithgow is going to happen.
That's what I'm here for.
I don't like it.
Respect.
Okay.
We'll see which way Paul goes on this in a few moments.
Because, right, it's kind of fun to swear in front of him.
You've got to admit it.
I just like swearing any old time.
But in front of famous people,
it's even more exciting.
There's something intoxicating about it.
And especially a famous religious person
like a pope.
Like in front of a priest.
That's the holy grail of swearing.
Well, he, of course, you've played religious figures.
You wouldn't let children dance at one point in your career.
That's right.
That's right.
I've slapped a Bible in my day.
I've thumped a Bible.
But I've never played a pope.
First time.
Never say never.
Right?
Just get real feeble, and I'm sure the part will be offered to you.
You still got another 30, 40
years before you'll be in the right age range
to be a pope.
It's the pope and King Lear.
What if you combine them
and did Pope Lear?
Pope Lear! Which is not bad.
Why aren't there more pope movies?
Good!
Because it'd be horrible!
What? Come on!
Not every movie is going to be great, Jimmy
But there's got to be some great Pope scripts out there
That are not getting developed
There cannot be a single good Pope script
Oh, I bet there's a Pope movie on the way
There's no doubt about it
Thank you, John
The way things are going
Jack completely backpedaled
You know what? He's right
Spy Pope
That's right
I said Spy Pope
Who would ever suspect the pope of being a spy?
Zero people would
He could be taking all kinds of pictures with his hat or whatever
He could totally be wearing a wire
Whenever he meets with people
He's got all that shit going on, who knows what he's got in there
Language
So this long journey started at the beginning of 2010.
Were we ever so young?
When I said I'd like to have Mr. John Lithgow on my show because it's 2010.
And I couldn't think of any better reason than that.
I'd start haranguing him and everyone he knows until he finally comes in.
And so you were in the movie 2010. Yes, I was. him and everyone he knows until he finally comes in.
So you were in the movie 2010.
Yes, I was. Based on the year 2010.
And we all thought it was so far in the future. Did it really seem like super far away? Yeah, I remember one of my props was a
great big, huge camera, a
video camera the size of a shoebox that was strapped to my
belt.
And we thought this was so incredibly futuristic.
You can actually take a movie with this.
The smallest anything had ever been.
That's awesome.
Good follow-up, Doug. Yeah. Good follow up
Good follow up pal
Man take a nice anecdote about a movie
That's awesome
I'm saving good one dude
For later but
No I was going to say
When you were making the movie
That's another thing about the future
Do you think it ever even crossed your
mind for a fleeting second that someday you'd be on
a podcast talking about
making that movie
in the very year that that movie is
supposed to take place? Completely
inconceivable.
Do you think it's because podcasts
have not been invented yet and that's probably why you didn't
think of it? Although there was a pod. I had a scene
in a pod. Oh, there we go.
And he was a member of the cast.
That's right. So close!
Bam! Oh, so close
to thinking of it.
So your son Nathan
tweeted me when he heard that
I was begging for you to come on the show.
He said, you know,
I listen to the podcast and I will hook it up.
And so here we are.
But what I want to know is why is his Twitter name Newt Gingrich?
He spells it Newt, N-O-O-T, Gingrich.
Is your son's name on Twitter?
Do you have any idea why he picked that?
No, no, you're going to have to have him on and ask him.
He's in a band, right?
Yeah, he's in a band, Arpline.
Anyone?
Yeah, really?
Really?
It's a great bass player, great band.
What's the name of the band again, John?
Arpline.
Arp?
Yeah.
A-A-R-P-L-I-N-E?
That's right.
That's right.
Check it out.
He also plays with Cheryl Worden
in My Brightest Diamond
and with a band called Inlets.
He's been struggling hard
to create this union
between you and me.
Doug, all year long,
he's been saying,
Dad, you've got to do Doug Benson.
In recent weeks,
total strangers on the street have been saying, Dude, you've got to do Doug Benson. And in recent weeks, total strangers on the street have been saying,
Dude, you gotta do Doug Benson.
So I've decided it's time to do Doug Benson.
Yeah, it's time to make it happen.
Now it'll be,
Dude, you did Doug Benson.
Wow.
Now, Mr. Lithgow,
were any of these strangers
about your son's height and they
had a beard that included
ear straps?
Repeat the question?
Oh, nothing.
This sounds like a case for the spy pope.
Nice setup and delivery.
Very nice. Nice setup and delivery.
Very nice.
So, John, did you know... What'd you do?
Oh, you point at your finger?
Mm-hmm.
I'm not like...
Oh, did you do that?
Mm-hmm.
Did you know that Jimmy Pardo here, to my left...
Hi, John.
...was in a motion picture that you wereardo here, to my left, Hi, John. was in a motion picture
that you were also in,
and he got cut out of it,
unfortunately.
I did.
But justifiably.
And your...
Right.
I'm not very good.
I'm not very good.
And your role
and your long-haired wig
that you wore in that role
remained in the movie.
That's right.
I made the cut, and he was cut. I was cut, yeah. That's role remained in the movie. That's right. I made the cut
and he was cut.
I was cut, yeah.
That's what happens
in this town.
It's Star Power
versus Jimmy Pardo.
Right?
I was also cut out
of the informant.
I was cut out of 90%
of every movie
I've ever been in.
That's true.
Well, I was cut out
of a great comedy movie.
Anybody know
what I was cut out of?
Anybody?
Oh, I know. Show yourself. This guy knows. Oh, there's a guy. L. Anybody know what I was cut out of? Anybody? Oh, I know.
Show yourself.
This guy knows.
Oh, there's a guy.
L.A. Story.
L.A. Story.
L.A. Story.
Nice.
Yeah.
Nice call, sir.
I was cut out of L.A. Story,
and I was fucking hilarious.
Language.
Language.
Don't curse in front of John Lithgow.
Mr. Lithgow, please.
He says that to himself in the mirror every day.
Yes, exactly.
Do not curse in front of...
We haven't guessed what Jimmy was cut out of.
Oh, I thought the long hair was going to give it away for you.
No, but it hasn't.
You don't remember wearing long hair in a movie?
Recently.
Long, long hair.
Anybody?
Anybody?
I don't know if this crowd would have gone to that movie.
Dreamgirls.
Dreamgirls.
That's right.
That's right.
I was what, John, the third white guy that would have been in that film?
He doesn't know. He doesn't know, but it was part of my contract that there would be only two white guys in Dreamgirls.
So I got cut loose.
And he was number three.
Let's go!
It was you and Krakowski.
And Krasinski.
Krasinski.
Krasinski and me
and Beyoncé.
Yeah, and Beyoncé.
John and I
got to stand
and sit there
and stare at Beyoncé
all morning.
Yeah,
like in a nice
tropical setting
or by a pool.
By a swimming pool
at the Hotel Roosevelt.
Very beautiful.
She's a lovely girl.
She was gorgeous
in that scene.
Very beautiful. She's lovely. I didn't notice her in that scene. Very, very good. She's lovely.
I didn't notice her in that scene, though,
because I was obsessed with your wig.
I know.
I was doing everything I could to pull focus.
And by God, I failed, actually.
If I can't physically overact,
I'm going to wig overact.
Well, you know, I was there.
Finally, we got to the bottom of that.
I was there in the early 70s, and there was hair like that.
I actually, I insisted on it.
Oh, yeah, it was believable in that sense, but also crazy.
Was that what it was like in the 70s?
People were just walking around like, we look crazy.
Look at us.
They all said, we want to look crazy. Right? We don't look crazy enough. Let it fly. I at us. They all said we want to look crazy.
We don't look crazy enough.
I hear you.
John Livgo.
I don't like that guy at all.
Spy Pope.
I almost actually just said, because I did
write it down, have you ever been cut out of anything?
That would have been a funny thing to ask right at that moment.
But this is from Twitter.
Someone wrote this to me a long time ago, so I don't remember who it was.
But when you were working on Dexter,
did anyone discuss the fact that in a previous season of the show,
Dexter is seen watching Harry and the Hendersons?
And that when he finally meets the Trinity Killer, he should be like, what's up, dude from Harry and the Hendersons, and that when he finally meets the Trinity Killer,
he should be like,
what's up, dude from Harry and the Hendersons?
He never watched Harry and the Hendersons, did he?
His character in a previous season.
No.
No.
No, the devil you say.
How dare you, sir.
He watched it like he's on a shitty date with Rita or something
and they're just sitting on the couch
watching Harry and the Hendersons.
That movie has had some revival.
It was the entire premise
of an episode of 30 Rock
in which I played myself.
That's right. I made a sort of
deus ex machina entrance at the end.
You know, after Alec Baldwin
had spent the entire
episode parodying me.
But yeah, that was awesome.
I love that episode and that you showed up at the end.
I was like, if only he'll show up on my podcast.
Then all will be right
with the world.
It's almost like you're still trying to pressure
him into appearing on the podcast.
Before you go tonight, I'm going to convince you to do this podcast.
I am going to get you on board.
No, no.
Muscle memory in your throat.
You're going to miss wishing that I was on your show.
You know what?
All right.
Well, I do not know what to say now.
So let's throw it to,
from the Paul F. Tompkast.
Pod F. Tompkast.
Pod F.
It's going well.
Why did I bother?
The Palfcast.
And from Never Not Funny, Jimmy Pardo.
Both of these gentlemen have podcasts.
It's true.
But Paul,
have you prepared a question for Mr. Lithgow?
No, but I've prepared a brief statement.
Now we appeared, you and I, sir, appeared on a television program years ago, but not together.
And we did not actually meet.
It was the first time I ever performed stand-up comedy on national television, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, 1997.
And you were the...
This shit's blowing his mind.
Are you shitting me?
You are looking...
For the listener, Jonathan goes looking at me
as if I'm about to tell him I am his father.
You were the lead guest.
He's a very nice man.
You were the lead guest.
The second guest was scheduled to be a young actress
who at the time was outraged that you,
technically at the time a television actor,
would be the first guest.
So she bailed on appearing.
Coincidentally, she was there to promote a TV movie.
But she left, and so they called Dave Chappelle,
who was high out of his mind,
and told them so when they called him to appear on the show.
He actually said,
do you have any idea how high I am?
They said, all you have to do is come here
and sit down in the chair.
So he showed up.
He was on After You.
He kept his hands in his hoodie pockets
the whole time,
even when he was gesturing and talking.
So his hands would come up
and he would point at things
by keeping his fists in the hoodie.
And I went out last.
And that was the first time I ever did stand-up on TV.
It must have been the first time I was ever on Conan.
Oh yeah, everybody said you were an asshole.
I thought, why are they confiding this to me?
I'm just like the comic on at the end.
They're like, he is the worst.
But you probably left after your segment.
I'll tell you this.
I don't even remember Chappelle being on the show with me.
Why would you?
So don't take it hard.
Yeah, that guy that shuffled by you in the hallway looking at his shoes.
Why would you think that's the next guest?
National talk show.
Actually, I went to a play in New York with my son, Nate,
and Chappelle introduced himself to me and said how much he admired me.
And I said, thank you very much, not having the slightest idea who he was.
And my son, Nathan, stared at me and said, you you very much. Not having the slightest idea who he was.
And my son Nathan stared at me and said, you are such an asshole.
So the rumors are true.
Although once I rode on an airplane next to Lou Reed once, and we became great pals.
I went to another play with Nathan,
and Lou Reed came up and hugged me.
And I hugged him back,
Lou, John, like we were the oldest friends.
And Nathan looked at me and said,
you are such an asshole.
I absolutely can't win.
I believe that was the first tweet that I got,
was, I'll get my asshole dad to do your show.
And he did.
Next stop, Lou Reed.
Hooray.
Did Lou Reed have that mullet at the time when you met him on the plane?
No, no, he looked like Lou Reed.
All right.
He had that weird mullet for a while.
I'm mad at you about it.
Well.
No. You're like, Lou Reed. All right. He had that weird mullet for a while. I'm not at you about it. Well. No.
He was sitting there looking at a tiny DVD player watching Tai Chi in slow motion.
Of course he was.
He was.
Of course he was.
I swear to God.
Like for a half an hour or so.
While I was trying to get up my nerve to say, aren't you Lou Reed?
That's like 1% more relaxing
than someone just sitting next to you talking about
Tai Chi.
Of course he was.
Back to John Lithgow.
Do you ever get to see movies with your busy schedule?
You know, I see a lot fewer movies than I used to,
but then movies aren't as good as they used to be.
That one was a mixed reaction.
It was true.
Ever since the talkie.
I don't know.
I've just...
It is interesting, though.
It is interesting that you did great film work in a TV series.
The TV shows have some of the most amazing stories and acting,
and the fact that they make a new one every week,
I don't know why they're so much better than a lot of movies are these days.
Well, I don't know.
There is this amazing new niche,
the work that's being done on cable.
I mean, that's the work that I'm kind of obsessed with.
Kind of like my teenage years
when I had to watch every episode every week
of some dumb show.
That's how I am now with Mad Men.
Breaking Bad?
Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad.
Dexter?
One Life to Live?
That's on every day.
Dexter, it'll be fun
for you to watch
this next season
the whole time
and you'll just be like,
oh, if I were still alive,
this stuff I would do
to Dexter.
Put me back in there.
I'll be this Trinity Killer's cousin
that looks just like him.
The quadrangle killer.
He's tired of getting shit from people,
so he starts killing them.
Actually, I heard from the writers
last month at the Emmys
that they had had huge fights
halfway through the season last year,
like throwing things against the wall fights,
disagreeing over whether or not Trinity should roll over to the next season. Apparently there
was a contingent that wanted him to die like four or five episodes into the next season.
They never told me about that. Which contingent do you agree with?
No, I think I died when I should die. I like that attitude.
I know a good exit when I see one.
That's where we're all trying to get to, right?
That's where we're all trying to get to.
I think I died when I should have.
And most serial killers don't get in a ha-ha last one when they're supposed to be dead.
That is true.
That's so sweet.
And you set up a new season of
No More Rita,
which, you know, lovely actress, but
she's dragging Dexter down.
He just puts that
baby in one of those Baby Bjorn things
and go out and murder people.
No more, oh, I'll be home in time
for dinner and all that stuff he had to go through.
And Julie Benz, she did come back to
life. She's on this no ordinary
She's a superhero now. That's what happens
when you get murdered by the Trinity Killer.
I feel like
now she can run really fast.
I feel like some sort of
kingmaker, you know.
Well, keep on
doing it. You could be the next Betty White.
I'm afraid I already am. You don't have to campaign to host SNL. You did it and were amazing at it. You could be the next Betty White. I'm afraid I already am.
You don't have to campaign to host SNL. You did it
and were amazing at it.
The amazing acting sketch
where you show off
your incredible overacting
skills. When I did SNL,
I did it three
times in the 80s, and the second
two times, the writers on the
staff were Bonnie and Terry Turner,
who created Third Rock from the Sun.
It came right out of SNL.
It came out of you just storming around, screaming like
a madman all the time. They're like, oh, let's make
this a show.
This guy always seems like he's about
to explode.
How weird is it to
just win the Emmy every year, year after year on that show?
Like, did you feel bad about anyone that tried to go up against you?
You actually do feel a little bad.
Not that bad.
You feel much worse when you finally begin to lose, I'll tell you that.
You feel much worse when you finally begin to lose, I'll tell you that.
But, you know, actually the third time I won, I was almost embarrassed.
I got up there and I don't know if you remember, but I said, I'm embarrassed myself.
I actually imitated myself. They had run a clip from Third Rock earlier in the evening where I, it was about nudity or something.
Kristen Johnston was offered to have her photo taken for a centerfold in Playboy.
And I went up to her and I said, what?
You're going to have your naked body on the inside of a teenage boy boys locker in a high school stark naked
for all the world to see good for you
and when I when I accepted the Emmy I said I don't know why I got this every
actor I know in Hollywood thinks what I do on Third Rock is completely disgraceful.
I mean,
you saw it up there earlier this evening.
Good for you!
I mean, I'm embarrassed myself.
But that was the last time I won.
And then your son
called you an asshole.
Dumb nice speech, asshole.
We could have a fourth one holding up this table.
That's why they put you...
That was the goal.
That was the goal, right?
The table's got no legs.
Last top table.
Right?
Four Emmys.
Four Emmys, hold it up.
It's every actor's dream.
How awesome would that be?
It started with Danny Thomas.
Ah!
Four people get that.
Exactly.
That's more than should.
Yeah, that's enough people.
That's more than should.
Okay, so...
I don't know what we're talking about anymore.
I'm just so happy to be a part of it.
Do you guys have any more questions?
I have another one here written down.
No further questions.
Go to that then.
Okay.
Which, do you have any characters
like in the Lithgow pantheon
that people are the most obsessed about
and ask you the most about
and quote to people?
Probably not, right?
Want you to say?
It depends.
What's like the line people want to hear you say the most?
There's so many to choose from, of course.
Laugh while you can, monkey boy.
I mean, I have these different contingencies, you know.
Right.
In fact, I once gave a high school assembly
where I did a life achievement tribute ceremony
for myself.
In which I didn't show clips,
I simply did lines.
Like, in terms of endearment,
you must be from New York.
Or world according to Garp, I had a great pair of hands.
Or Harry and the Hendersons, a-woo!
Or the Twilight Zone movie, there's a man on the wing of this plane!
But I think...
Do them all.
Do them all.
Keep going.
Do every movie.
I will name them.
You do them.
Oh, and then...
Blow out.
I'm going to murder you.
You can say that
for a lot of your movies.
How about this one?
Do you know what love is?
Sacrifice.
You played Anthony Hopkins in a movie?
No, no, no.
He played me in a movie.
Total burn.
Burn on Anthony Hopkins.
No, that was Cliffhanger.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
With Sylvester Stallone, of course.
Who's like your favorite, you know,
big-time actor to have had the opportunity to work with?
Who is mine?
Co-star?
Well, you know.
You're often the villain or the lady.
You know, I absolutely loved working with Deborah Winger in terms of endearment.
She was just fantastic.
That's a good one.
That movie's on my Always Makes Me Cry list.
Oh, my God.
Because you remember the name of that little kid in the scene at the end when he's crying by her hospital bed?
Wonderful.
It's a memorable name.
His name's Huckleberry Fox.
That's right.
And I don't know what ever happened to him.
But that kid crying makes me cry every time.
Well, him crying and his big brother not crying.
Right.
That's what was so funny.
Yes.
You're speaking my language.
You're speaking my language.
I'm trying to think of another movie you can do a quote from.
You've got to go with the loose, don't you?
What's that?
Footloose.
Footloose, yeah.
You've got to go with Footloose.
What was that?
It was one of the incredibly cool things
about Third Rock
that we got to parody.
I got to parody scenes.
There were moments in Third Rock when we got to parody, I got to parody scenes, you know there were moments in Third Rock
when I would suddenly do exactly
what I'd done in a movie.
Like there was the Twilight Zone
moment when I saw something on the wing
of this plane and it turned out to be the
engine.
Or the Footloose
when Tommy
had his garage band and I stormed in and said, rock and roll music.
You know, and banged on the floor.
But the best of all was when I had saved a chipmunk from being run over by a car.
The chipmunk was injured and was at the veterinary hospital with IV tubes and everything. And I came storming out into the sort of nurse's area and said,
Give my chipmunk his drugs!
That was me being Shirley MacLaine.
Another very affecting scene.
I didn't necessarily cry, but it was...
You mean Third Rock?
No, the scene from Tours of Endearment. I didn't necessarily cry, but it was... You mean Third Rock? Ha!
No, the scene from Turns of Endearment, but...
Ha!
I guess I didn't need to say that.
But I did.
So of all the movies
you've been in, do you have
a particular favorite?
Well, I think the best movie
I've been in is... Buckaroo Banzai.
What'd you say?
Buckaroo Banzai.
Well, Buckaroo Banzai was
certainly one of the most out there.
I love doing it.
We laughed constantly making
that film. Of course.
In fact, if you...
It's not only ridiculous, it's incredibly cheesy, you know.
I just watched it.
They showed it at the L.A. Film Festival.
They had an evening called Over the Top with John Lithgow.
And they showed Buckaroo Banzai in the Twilight Zone.
But there is a moment toward the end...
Did they show just your part of the Twilight Zone,
or did everybody have to sit through the three stories?
Just my part.
Oh, thank goodness.
That's right.
But the moment when Chris Lloyd, as John Big Booty, gives me the finger.
At that moment, if you look, I'm in one corner of the frame,
kissing my helmet and putting it on my head and laughing myself silly.
Thank God that's not where your eye is at the moment.
But if you ever, those of you who are curious and weird, you know,
just run through.
Go look at it, weirdos.
Bunch of time on your hand losers.
But also that character could just break out laughing at any time anyway.
It was fantastic.
It was such a crazy performance.
I loved it.
Is Buckaroo Banzai your favorite Billy Vera performance?
Well, on film I think it's his only.
It might be his only, yeah.
Unless the band appeared in something.
He might have been in a movie singing that song.
What would you think?
Go, guys.
If I had this moment.
This again.
If I had this moment.
What's wrong?
I feel like you're smushing some words together into just a sound.
You're not clearly hearing it.
Give it to me one more time.
What would you think?
Yes.
Now you're really doing it
to such a crazy degree.
Everybody else
is hearing it crisply.
I almost feel like
you're doing it on purpose.
No.
No, I'm singing it crisply.
You're not even saying
the word crisply, crisply.
You're throwing an H in there.
Pardon me?
Crisply.
You're hurtful.
I am.
I have a speech impediment that doesn't allow me to sing Billy Vera songs.
That is very specific.
And you're going to call me out on it?
That is very specific.
It's from a family ties injury.
Remember when he was in the train terminal,
and then Tracy Pollan showed up, and he's there,
and he showed up in the tuxedo, and then that song played?
You lost me at not saying the words right to that song.
What would you think?
Let's play the Leonard Maltin game.
Let's do it!
John, you've listened to the show
and so you seem to have a grasp
on how to play, which I can't say
for many of the guests that come on.
Do you mean the people that you
tell them about the game when they're sitting
out here in front of the audience?
Those people?
Yeah, I kind of have to talk them through it.
Yeah.
Because they've never listened to the show.
Right.
Can you imagine being on Jeopardy and never having watched it?
I'll just figure it out as we go.
Hold on a second.
In fairness.
In fairness, they do tell you backstage at Jeopardy,
hey, you know how Jeopardy is played, right?
But not...
I ask people that all the time, and they go,
oh, yeah, yeah yeah I got it
And then they don't know what they're doing
Fair enough Doug
Fair enough
What would you think
Yes keep going
Now you're throwing in extra words
But at the wrong place
What's up nothing
You're misunderstanding me
I probably am
It's my favorite song of all time
LMG Let's play the game I probably am. It's my favorite song of all time.
LMG.
Let's play the game.
We'll start with Mr. Lithgow.
You can choose a category between these three.
Family.
Pick names.
Good call.
Those dumb people that come out here,
they don't have to play the game.
I forgot to select.
Yeah, exactly. If they don't know, they don't have to play the game. I forgot to select... Yeah, exactly.
If they don't know, no one's going to know.
Exactly.
So go ahead, Jimmy, and select someone, preferably with a name tag, preferably sitting close by.
This young lady has a name tag right there.
What is your name, young lady?
Marima.
Okay, nope.
Okay, we got a pass on Maraima.
I have a feeling he won't go with Colt.
You know what?
I got to go with Maraima.
Okay, Maraima.
Maraima reason.
I won Maraima.
I won Maraima.
Maraima me zone.
Cajun guy showed up.
I don't like him.
Do you know what they call the windma?
Marima.
That's right.
All right.
Marima.
Marima.
Marima.
That's my playing partner.
Sure.
My at-home playing partner.
She's right here in the theater.
Paul, who would you like to play for?
Well, there's certainly a lot of people with name tags
everybody's holding them up
I have to go
let me just look over here
I'm gonna go
I'm gonna go with Waldman
good work Waldman
and John Lithgow
who would you like to play for
just so I don't get confused I I'm going to play for John over here.
All right.
He is on your side of the room.
Okay, so John Lithgow.
I feel a little bad for Joe.
I'm not going to lie.
I feel a little bad for Joe.
He knew the movie that Mr. Lithgow had been cut out of.
The job which he had been cut out.
Forgive me.
Shit.
Also, John, would it have killed you to put 316 under your name
I mean
do I have to spell it out
for everybody
good god
good god
but at least
you wore the
rainbow wings
yes
where do you
where do you live dude
I live here
in LA
alright he'll be back
he'll be back
shut up
stop complaining Joe oh that Joe drives me crazy All right, he'll be back. He'll be back. Shut up. Stop complaining, Joe.
Oh, that Joe drives me crazy.
You and I both, brother.
What is it about him?
I don't know.
Beard.
Probably the beard.
Probably the beard.
Bring it on.
Beard makes him complain.
Marama.
Please, boys, not in front of the guest.
He's enjoying it It is fun
We'll start with you
Would you like the category family films
musicals
or movies ladies like
aka chick flicks
I think ladies like all those films
Well, yeah
Family films.
Musicals.
You like musicals?
Okay.
Sure.
Would you like a musical from 1979 or 2006?
Ooh.
2006.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
Leonard Maltin gives...
I'm not ready!
All right.
Leonard Maltin gives this movie three stars.
It's from 2006.
Out of four or five?
What does Leonard do again?
Out of bomb to four.
Bomb to four.
Yeah.
It's got that extra bomb category.
Right.
That's not a good film.
Just to make it clear,
where bomb falls into that lineup.
All right.
Three stars.
And he says about it,
Musicals.
Features an emotion-charged performance.
And...
What?
That's terrible writing.
Features an emotion-charged performance?
Yeah.
You think it should be emotional, Lee?
It's like he dashed that one up on the train or something.
Well, you know, he has to write a lot of these.
Yeah, fair enough.
And...
Treating him like a real Joe.
Leonard doesn't deserve that.
They both have beards.
He also says it's pure entertainment.
Oh, pure entertainment.
Yes.
But only three stars.
Three stars. Pure entertainment.
2006.
And he says it's a motion-charged performance But only three stars Three stars Pure entertainment 2006 2000s
And it says
It's a motion charge
Performance
By one of the performers
And
And there are
Fourteen names
How many names
Do you think
You can get it in
JL
Four
Wow
Amazing opening bid.
I like it.
It's like you're from another planet or something.
Now we come down here to Jimmy.
Your neck.
This goes four.
Yeah.
Goes four right out of the box.
I'll go three.
I'll play the game.
All right.
I came to play.
Okay, good.
Name that movie.
How do you like it?
I don't.
2006 musical. You get three
names. Pure entertainment.
From the top, right?
No, from the bottom of the list.
Oh!
Then I'll say 13.
See, this is what I was
talking about. People will do that
because they don't know how to play the game.
Jimmy's doing it for humor. Entertainment value, yes.
Don Lewis is in this movie.
Who is? Don or Don? Don.
Don Lewis. Don Lewis with two N's on Don.
You know, I don't care for that.
Well, that's racist.
And the next name is
John Krakowski. Some call him Krasinski.
But we know this. And the third name
is John Lithgow. Okay, it's Dreamgirls.
Dreamgirls? Is that your guess?
I'm going to go with Dreamgirls
Are you sure?
That is correct
Jimmy got a point
He's mad about it
This is horse shit
This is horse shit
Horse shit
He had to make a bold bid
None of you knew it was Dreamgirls before
2006 musical
It was that
It was the only one
Or the other one
Two of the people on the dance were in this movie
That was stacked against me
Yes, now I admit it
I haven't seen Dreamgirls, you guys
In fairness
You would have got it if you'd have said two names, though
Because Krasinski would have been one of them.
I would have been confused by the Krakowski thing.
Like, I don't know.
Is Doug trying to set me up?
I'm psyched me out first time.
All right.
My first guess was Conan, 94.
We'll go to John Lithgow to pick the next round.
97.
I wasn't ready in 94.
Absolutely.
Here are the categories.
This is me or John?
John's going to start.
Mr. Lithgow.
We'll go with the aforementioned
chick flicks.
Motion pictures starring John Travolta.
Or
movies
in which John Lithgow
acts like a lunatic.
I go with Dreamgirls.
I think I'll go with the Travolta films.
Here we go.
Okay.
Johnny T.
Nice choice.
Would you like 1981 or 1998?
81.
Okay.
A lot of confidence there.
Letterman gives this two and a half stars.
Two and a half fucking stars?
That's right.
There's no reason to take it personally
that we know of.
He calls it intriguing.
But then at the end he says there's logic loopholes.
Yeah.
I don't disagree.
Fair enough, John.
From 1981.
And there are five names.
How many names do you think you can get?
This is blowout.
Yes.
Now that is cheating.
Why do you have to be in so many movies?
I tried to run an honest game
and the man shows up in everything.
I wanted him to say one.
I would have said zero.
That was too easy.
I had to win something for John
before I fucked it up.
Let's see what happens next.
This game is over in my heart.
Wait a minute.
Does he get a point for that?
Yeah, he gets a point.
Yeah, does he get a...
All right.
Because you knew it also?
I did know it also.
Everybody knew it.
All right.
Did you know it?
After the Dreamgirls thing,
yes, of course I see
John Travolta movies
out of nowhere.
It could have been
Look Who's Talking.
Was that the other John Travolta movie? no it was it wasn't do you know what it was
what other movie was John Lithgow and John Travolta the other first one to get
it right no that's wrong I don't get the point I know. Who gets a point? I know. He knows it. I know. He knows it. I know. Call me.
Call me.
No idea?
No, I don't fucking know.
No, Mr. Lithgow.
He seems to know.
A civil action.
A civil action.
Another point for Lithgow.
No.
No, that's not a point.
That is not a point.
All right, he gets to keep his point.
He can keep his blowout point.
Okay, he keeps his blowout point.
He does not get a point for that.
He's never coming back.
Why would you let him win?
Oh, I'm coming back now.
Bring it on, Lockup.
Bring it on.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
You weren't in 21.
You say that a lot in 21.
Okay.
I hope that becomes the thing people
ask you to say most of the time.
From now on.
It's my wife and I are celebrating our anniversary.
Could you please say winner, winner, chicken
dinner.
And do say it
like a lunatic.
All right, Paul,
you get to pick the category.
Oh, great.
Would you like
Lithko acts like a lunatic?
Well, he can say it.
Or actors directing.
That category was submitted
by Daydreamer Boy
on Twitter.
Oh.
Yeah, right?
Or the films of Brian De Palma.
Oh, jeez.
Could that be blowhard?
I think I might want to go with the films of Brian De Palma.
Okay.
Here we go.
Paul gets to start us off with picking a year.
Would you like 76 or 92?
Both 19s.
No future De Palma films?
No, and none before cinema was invented.
Oh, it's Brian De Palma then?
Yes.
So none from Lucius De Palma or De Palma X-14?
Old timey and future.
76 or 92?
76 or 92.
I'm going to go 92.
92 De Palma.
I'm trying to come up with the name of it right now.
Two stars from Leonard Maltz.
I thought of it earlier.
That cocksucker.
He knows it.
He only knows it.
He just assumes he's in it.
Come on, Dodd. He just assumes he's in it. Come on, Dodds.
He just assumes he's in it.
You gotta change categories.
He would have said that no matter what it was.
He knows his resume.
That's not like a line from the movie.
You're not gonna fool Lithgow.
Okay, but it starts with Paul.
Yes.
I'll give you some clues.
Lithgow's the whole show here.
And...
Not for the faint-hearted.
Why were you even doing this?
Say zero.
It doesn't matter because...
I can name that movie in negative one names.
Yes, okay.
Now this is an interesting part.
Negative two.
See?
See?
That's why.
Hang on.
That's why.
Everybody shut the fuck up.
Hang on.
Hang on a minute.
Hang on a minute.
Move.
Hang on.
Move.
Here's why this game
fucking sucks
with three people.
The fix is good.
Because I'm in the fucking middle
and I can't ever get to a point
where I get to guess a goddamn movie.
This is the shit of horses.
He's also picking this guy.
Yes, no, I know.
Everything's a lift.
He knows his movies.
I know.
He's just dumb.
He's not some doddery old man
that you've stumbled into here.
I'm not saying that...
That's not my point.
I'm your audience when I did it to Tom Arnold.
Because he's a doped up junkie.
He's a man who shakes naturally.
He shakes naturally.
I know Tom.
Don't moan me.
I know Tom.
He's got a lot of energy.
Tom's a good friend.
They're such good friends.
They shoot up together.
Oh, you kidding me?
Me, him, and C-Love.
Now, there's an interesting, but there's a...
Hang on. You're up next.
You still have a chance in this.
And so do you.
I'm insulted that you said that to me.
So you've got to do negative two names,
but here's the thing. They have to be in the proper
order of billing
as according to the credits, because that's the order
that Len puts them in. So you have to know the first name
and the second name. Now, where are you at, Jimmy?
Do you think you have any idea what this is?
Can I tell you how to get a point here?
Oh, please.
I'll say three. You say four.
Forces him to give them an order.
I don't think he can do it.
I like the way you think.
Right?
Bring it on. Let's go.
Two to one on Let's Go Films.
What do you say?
Well, I know the movie, but I can't name any names other than one
And it's not even him
You probably should give that away
Because now Paul can get a point
What did John say?
He's not going to do that
I was going to
Of course I was going to do that
I'm the scorpion frog
I know, it's in my nature
We shook on it It's in my nature! We shook on it!
It's in my nature.
But now I can't do it.
All right, negative three.
The joke is blown.
Wait, what are we at?
Negative three?
Yeah.
What did you say, John?
Two?
Negative two.
Negative three.
All right, so now...
See, now I feel like I know what's going to happen.
What did you say?
Negative three?
That's right.
Yeah, so you could say negative four.
You have to.
Name that movie in negative four names.
Oh, no. I know what's You have to. I'm going to name that movie in negative four names. Oh, no.
I know what's going to happen.
I'm completely confused.
Now, he's got a name in the proper order from the beginning all the way through, four names.
Oh, the billing.
You mean according to billing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, according to billing.
Got to be clear about that.
Good luck.
Very convenient.
You missed this explanation the first time around, John Lithgow.
Very convenient indeed.
I think a certain
Nathan Lithgow
is a good judge of character.
Newt.
Newt.
Newt.
Newt Gingrich.
Yeah, follow Newt Gingrich.
And also,
it's John underscore Lithgow to follow you on Twitter.
That's true.
Lithgow, if you don't say negative five, I will punch you in the mouth.
I'm not kidding.
Heads are going to roll.
You're going to go in Tyler with a bloody lip if you don't say negative five tomorrow.
I'm still confused.
So you would have to either say name negative five names,
so you'd have to name from the top
each name in the proper order,
the five leading cast members in the movie.
Or you can say to Paul,
who's bid four negative names,
to name that.
Oh, he has to name them.
Yeah, he has to name the four.
Okay, here you go.
You can't do it!
You guys hatched that plan
right in front of him.
I'm playing for John over here.
Yeah, John.
Oh, that's right.
John, he's thinking about
the person he's playing for.
I'm also playing for John over here.
There's only five names total, correct?
What?
How many names are there?
There's nine names. Oh, nine. I? How many names are there? There's nine names.
Oh, nine.
I thought you said five.
He did say five earlier.
He did say five.
No, no, no.
There was somebody who bid five.
That was the opening bid.
I disagree with that.
He said it's five names.
If only this were recorded, we could listen back to it.
I don't think I said how many names.
I don't even fucking remember.
I don't think I ever said how many names.
All right, let's give this over.
All right, the movie is Raising Cain.
Yeah, we all know the movie.
First build.
John Lithgow.
Okay.
Second build.
I want to say RuPaul.
Paul, I have to say, I don't see this coming.
Second build.
I'm going to take a gamble here.
Nancy Allen?
Oh.
Is that after they split up?
Or were they still in love at that time? Yeah, she didn't make the cut anymore.
She didn't make the cut anymore?
No.
She was two and out with her husband.
Then that's all I got.
Who did you say was the second name?
Lolita Davidovich.
And then?
Stephen Bauer.
Correct.
And then?
Francis Stern.
Correct.
Who's next after Francis? Greg Henry? Yes. Correct.
Who's next after Francis?
Greg Henry?
Yes.
No!
Whoa!
God.
I don't care that he was in it.
That's impressive.
That's impressive.
The next one you will not get.
If he does, I will punch him in the mouth.
No, I... Either way, I'm taking a swing.
How many more are left?
There's like one, two, three, four, five names left.
Those are all me.
Oh, really? That's what they did?
They put in fake names in the credits for all the other characters?
Well, I played five roles.
The next name is Tom Bauer.
Oh, Tom, of course.
Tommy.
Tommy!
Oh, I, of course. Tommy. Tommy. Oh, I must call him.
I'll tell you what, Bauer and I would sit around.
Now look, I've been angry about this game before.
But I have never been angrier about this game.
Since the person that's beating me is in all of the movies that we're talking about.
I don't disagree with that.
Can you believe that?
You stay out of it, partner.
I'm helping you.
It's like it was stacked against you guys.
Yes.
Like someone I've been trying to get on the show forever finally agreed to it,
and I just thought I'd throw him a little bone.
He doesn't need a bone.
He's a good player.
Why do you suppose I agreed to be on the show?
Think about it.
Think about it.
What a world this is.
What a world this is.
Do think about it, monkey boy
When you guys were talking about
Buckaroo Banzai earlier
Were you talking about
The adventures of Buckaroo Banzai
Across the 8th dimension?
Yes, that's right
Oh, okay
I thought you were
Yeah
We shortened it for time
Is anybody else ready to cut loose?
Footloose?
Footloose!
I'm thinking about kicking off my Sunday shoes.
Jeez!
Why are your Sunday shoes still on?
What's that?
It's Tuesday.
I don't shower until Thursday.
Can I keep my shoes on?
Sure, absolutely.
Keep your shoes on. Right? Sunday through. I stub in a lot of hot co on. Sure. Absolutely. Keep your shoes on.
Right.
Sunday through.
I stub in a lot of hot coals.
Absolutely you do.
But you're not at the risk of not having a shoe on.
Not at all.
All right, so John, you're our winner, and you won for John in the audience.
You can withhold your prize.
What's that?
Paul, you could not contribute to the prize package.
Oh, I'll do that then.
That's my protest.
Jimmy brought a nice shirt.
Nope, he doesn't get that either.
Okay, here you go.
You get that back.
Thank you.
Marima?
All you win is...
Oh, Marima got the shirt.
All you win is my CD, DVD, hypocritical oaf.
And I don't think I've got enough rope to reach him,
so please pass that back.
And John Lithgow says he's going to make a drawing
and then give it to you.
He's going to create a work of art on this stage.
Not like we haven't already.
What an amazing show.
Can't wait to have John Lithgow back on
with two other people.
I will make it up to
Waldman.
Waldman also gets the great consolation prize.
Oh, well then fuck you, Waldman.
This is a five second self-portrait.
Well, make it ten seconds.
All right.
Fifteen.
These are the scribbles of Lithgow.
And now I'm confused.
Is this for John?
Yep.
All right.
All right.
There we go.
Oh, you were going to draw your dick
and then you changed your mind?
Okay, I'll give him the man version.
Look at that!
Yeah!
That is awesome.
By the way, if you think that's impressive,
I've got one of those by Tom Bauer.
Tommy B. you have anything
you'd like to plug
Jimmy
you know what
my podcast
the award winning
podcast
number not funny
in two episodes
is a
we are releasing
a full length
as though it's a
paid subscriber
base as most people
know
we are releasing
a full episode
for free
featuring the great
John Hamm
that will be out
in two weeks.
That guy is good.
Paul, anything coming up?
My podcast, the PodF Tompcast,
drops the first of every month.
And then when will this be available to people?
This very podcast we're on right now.
It turns out
first of the month, October 1st.
Well, there you go.
I will be at Republic
in New Orleans on Saturday, October 2nd.
And then Baton Rouge a couple weeks after that.
That show's probably going to get canceled.
We'll stir up some podcast listeners for you.
The tickets are in the 20s right now.
Tickets are in the 20s.
It'll get there plenty of time.
Louisiana.
Plenty of time.
What's the seat?
A couple pounds? Plenty of time to What's the seat? A couple pounds?
Plenty of time to cancel it too.
Yeah, it's a stadium.
Maybe I was shooting too high.
Maybe.
A lot of people don't want
to go to stadiums for comedy.
That's why they come out
in such low numbers.
I was going to have screens.
John, do your friends
call you anything
other than John
or just John?
Go-go.
Just John.
Okay.
A lot of Johns, they call Jack or you might have, you know, they might call you Emilio
Lizardo or whatever.
No, not that I can think of.
Why would his friends be that insane?
If I was his friend, that's what I would call him.
I shorten it to doctor, of course.
Sure.
No, out of respect.
Professional courtesy.
John, do you have any thoughts on Hector Elizondo?
As an actor, you think he's terrific?
He's a fabulous actor.
Actually, I just saw Hector a couple of weeks ago in Sun Valley.
How's he doing?
Funny you should mention it.
Is he all right?
Why do you ask?
Did anything amazing happen?
Because he's here today!
To say he did not see you in Sun Valley!
Your story's full of holes, Go-Go!
I never...
Oh, Go-Go.
Finally, you have a nickname.
Go-Go with Johnny Livgo.
Johnny Livgo this time, yeah.
Johnny Go-Go! I love it. I like it. Well, go with Johnny. Johnny, go, go.
I love it.
We like it.
What's the name of your show?
Stories by Heart.
I'll do 11 cities. One of these days, you guys
will be in the same city, and I'll
come see you.
That will be exciting.
We'd love that.
I better get a Lou Reed reception.
I want to be hugged and then hear your son call you an asshole.
Hey, Jimmy, you're an asshole, dude.
Newt is going to love this.
He loves it.
He gets it.
Is it because Nate Lithgow sounds like Newt Gingrich?
I have no idea.
Because that would be a dumb reason.
Because they don't.
Maybe he's got bad hearing
I'll ask him
No everybody write to him
It's Newt N-O-O-T Gingrich
Write to him and say
Why is that your name
Yeah
Twitter bomb this guy
Yeah
Totally Twitter bomb
I want this guy to be sorry
He ever joined Twitter
I want this guy
I don't think
I think he can handle
A hundred people
Coming and writing
Something about him
You think they're going to stop
At one tweet?
They're obsessed.
Let's have a big round of applause for my guest.
Ron Lithgow.
The great Paul F. Tompkins.
And the great Jimmy Pardo.
Hang on, it's not over.
Hang on, it's not over.
As always, Daniel Tosh is a shithead.
And John Big Boutte is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes up, roll to view, and cowers, pigs, and coggies.
There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies