Doug Loves Movies - Jon Dore, Brody Stevens, Mark Forward, and JP Manoux Guest

Episode Date: September 27, 2014

Live from Toronto's Just For Laughs Festival, Doug welcomes Jon Dore, Brody Stevens, Mark Forward, and JP Manoux to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Pri...vacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see The firehouse police Hey everybody My name is Doug And I love movies Oh wow My name is Doug and I love movies. This is The Love Movies! Oh, nice.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Nice touch there on the end. All right. We're coming to you from the Queen. This sounds way too highfalutin for what's about to happen. We're coming to you from the Queen Elizabeth Theater. As part of the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival on Saturday, September 27th. Say it with me, everybody.
Starting point is 00:01:14 2014 Wolf of Wall Street fight Terminator 2. Judgement Day of the Dead Man Walking Tall. The President's Men in Black. Fisher King. Ralph Fulton. Day Afternoon. Delightfully Perfect. Don't Get Ahead of Me. Murder. Fight. Death Wish. Three Amigas. Walking tall, the president's men in black, Fisher King, Ralph Fulton. Day after noon, delight, sleep perfect, don't get ahead of me, murder, fight, death, wish, three of me,
Starting point is 00:01:30 ghost worlds, end of watch, men don't leaving, Las Vegas, food, large jingle, all the Wayne's world's fastest Indiana Jones and the temple of doom's days of thunderbolt and light, foot, fist, way of the gun, crazy.
Starting point is 00:01:51 I can't wait for this year to be over. What have I done to myself? Oh, at 420-ish. Let me see your name tags, Toronto. I knew they'd be plentiful and large. You are DB? He's a DB, too. He's got IMDB.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Is that a Forrest Gump thing over there? Who is it? Jason. Jason in the Forrest Gump poster? I don't get it. Hopefully one of our guests will get it, and they will pick it. Oh, there's some lit up back there.
Starting point is 00:02:32 I like when people do that with their flashlights. I also like how all the name tags got here early. Are there any way in the back? Did anybody get here super late and not bring a name tag? Over there? Those look like little horns of the JFL mascot. What's his name? Victor?
Starting point is 00:02:52 Is that his name? What is it? It is? Victor? It's weird. Next Saturday, October 4th, I'm doing a 420 Douglas movies a comedy on state in Madison Wisconsin always have a fun time there
Starting point is 00:03:09 great guests at Sioux Falls I'm coming back to do stand up at the Orpheum Theater also highfalutin like this place on Saturday October 11th let me ask you guys a quick question because I'm telling you I have so much fun whenever I come to Toronto,
Starting point is 00:03:25 because everyone here is super friendly and nice, likes to have a good time, and somebody up close has to have a vapor pan on them. This young lady over here, could you bring that over to me? Can I get a quick hit off of that? Is it one that works right away, or is it one that's a lot of nonsense? Oh, look
Starting point is 00:03:45 at this thing. Okay. I think I can make this work. No go. Next. next yup thank you I'd pick your name tag what's your name tag can't believe you have a vapor pen pick your name tag what's your name tag can't believe you have a vapor pen and a name tag
Starting point is 00:04:29 that's really you're an outstanding person I've seen that and you tweeted that already it's the Greg outdoors or out Doug the Greg out Doug and my face is over John Candy's and his is over Dan Aykroyd's
Starting point is 00:04:43 I'm guessing. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. And that was proof. Front row. Front row had a couple of things. But like, now I'm so fucking high. As you know...
Starting point is 00:05:01 Wow, Doug took a couple of vapor hits and totally greened out on us. Let's get into the prize bag, you guys. I'm not going to unfurl it, but I brought, and I also just killed a fly with it backstage, this is a poster from my friends at the really fun film festival called Fantastic Fest in Austin,
Starting point is 00:05:26 Texas. I just came from there, and that was, they gave everybody posters, and I got a Gateway Doug 2, Forced Fun. I've got a thing called Dirty Laundry that I participated in. I barely remember even doing it. That's
Starting point is 00:05:41 probably my autobiography title. I barely remember even doing it. The Doug Benson story. A Doug Loves Movies t-shirt. I think this is an XXL, so that'll be fun to sleep in. If you're smallish. Another CD somebody gave me
Starting point is 00:06:01 from a band called The Dead Side. It's called Infectious. I don't know if it's any good or not. Give it a listen if you win and let me know. And then also give a listen to one of my double albums. Did I do more than one double album? Probably just the one.
Starting point is 00:06:19 My double album called Smug Life. Yeah. Oh, wait. One more thing. And then all the guests brought something cool and they'll all bring those things out with them when they come out here. But this... I gotta read the tag to remember even what it is.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Oh, it's a shiny headband. But then... But then the color is mocha. Shiny mocha. So wear that to your Starbucks or whatever. See what happens then.
Starting point is 00:06:59 Let's do it, you guys. Let's get the guests out here. What do you say? I am high and ready to laugh at the shenanigans. Please welcome J.P. Manu, Brody Stevens, Mark Forward, and John
Starting point is 00:07:18 Dorn! What a game. Were you there? It was incredible. Doug, they're referencing my attire. Yeah, you dressed for the game today that was played in a stadium that is adjacent to the Queen Elizabeth. Yeah, BMO Field is the home. One-stop entertainment area right here in Toronto. Couldn't have been more convenient for me to come to this show. Yeah, BMO Field is the home. One-stop entertainment area right here in Toronto. Couldn't have been more convenient
Starting point is 00:08:05 for me to come to this show. Yeah. They were losing 0-2 at the half, and they came back and won it 3-2. And they had to win, because this is must-win games from here on out, if you want to make the playoffs. And it was thrilling. Well, that's
Starting point is 00:08:21 J.P. Manu, everybody. J.P. I'm thrilled to announce that you're the winner of the first game today, and that, of course, is the Pete Holmes game. And you were the first person to speak without being spoken to.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Although, one could argue that the audience member is the winner of the game. The one that shouted out and drew you into that conversation. I have a feeling this is a game I wasn't supposed to win. There's no prizes. There's no penalties. It's just a fun thing to say.
Starting point is 00:08:55 It's fun to remind everybody how awful Pete Holmes is. I remind people of the awfulness of Pete Holmes at every opportunity. JP, what did you bring for the prize bag, buddy? Okay, I brought a bunch of scripts. JP has acted in many things. We were both in, I think, the same episode of Yes, Dear at one point in our illustrious careers. So I'm on a show right now with Mr. Dave Foley
Starting point is 00:09:22 of Kids and Hall and News Radio fame. I don't think anybody here has heard of that guy. Canadian national treasure, Dave Foley. And the show's called Spun Out. I got a few scripts of Spun Out. Wouldn't it be funny if there was a Canadian version of National Treasure where Dave Foley was being protected by Nicolas Cage?
Starting point is 00:09:43 Continue. But just in case you guys haven't had a chance to check it out on CTV yet, I did also bring a script of a movie that Leonard Maltin has not bothered to review. He's a lazy piece
Starting point is 00:09:59 of shit. Atlas Shrugged Part 2. Which stars J.P. Manu in the role of Conductor. For reals, you're in Atlas Shrugged 2? Part 2, yeah. Despite my
Starting point is 00:10:15 politics. I totally agreed to take that shitty paycheck. And 8x10 of the cast of Phil of the Future, and very, very collectible 8x10 of the Fruit of the Loom guys. Your humble Green Grapes. How long ago did the Fruit of the Loom guys thing stop,
Starting point is 00:10:38 and how did you find out? Were you watching a commercial and it saw a totally new campaign, or just guys with big dicks or whatever? I was the Green Grapes for seven years, and then I started working up here in Toronto, and it conflicted just enough to coincide with how little they wanted to pay me that I said, I'm done. Oh, so there were some new Grapes?
Starting point is 00:11:00 There were some new Grapes. For two years after I quit, Richard Horvitz, who's the voice of, like, Invader Zim, he took over the Green Grapes costume, but both of us had to share the Green Grapes costume with the Spanish language cast of Fruit of the Loom.
Starting point is 00:11:16 And they're not as good about febrezing. When are you writing the book? This is good. Yeah. Can I use this as the book on tape right now? This is my audio recording. It's great.
Starting point is 00:11:32 John Doerr is here, you guys. Also a return visitor to the program. I should say quickly that J.P. Manu was in one of the best episodes no one ever heard that we did in Toronto with Sean Cullen was there and another guy. Let's not mention his name.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Thank you. Jerry was so great on that episode that he's never been on again. I plan to keep it that way. it was also a lost episode, so I kind of feel like people need to hear what he was like, and then I realized, no, they don't.
Starting point is 00:12:12 But do you remember that? I do. Those who were at the Rivoli that night will never forget it. It was a special night. Will you ever release it? No, it got destroyed in a fire. It was like when you think you're shooting video and you're actually stopping every time you think you're recording, and then It was like when you think you're shooting video and you're actually stopping every time you think you're recording
Starting point is 00:12:28 and then you're recording when you think you're stopping. That's kind of what happened. They had a power surge and immediately when the show started, they didn't get any of it. And then they didn't think, well, why don't we stop the show? They were like, well, you had already started. What were we supposed to do? And I said, you're supposed to record the show.
Starting point is 00:12:49 So that's as far as the argument went, because, you know, I behave like a Canadian when I'm here. Yeah. And you let things go. Was that the recordist's name? Was he a French guy, Power Search? Is that the problem? I was going to say the same thing.
Starting point is 00:13:07 He didn't speak the language, did he? It's so weird, though, that right there in his name, you think that he would really be on the lookout for a Power Surge. Really recognize it when it happens. That's how he got his nickname. Oh, good old Power Surge. You didn't know it was sarcasm.
Starting point is 00:13:21 Oh, good old Power Surge will help you do it. I thought about saying that. Did you really? Yeah, I thought, oh, Sergio Garcia, because the whole Ryder Cup is going on right now. So it just came to my mind. But I'm glad you jumped in there. John Doerr.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Thank you, Brody. You're welcome. I'm happy. Imagine his name was Power Surge. Power Sergio. Well, let's just introduce him since he... since we're talking to him anyway.
Starting point is 00:13:54 On the hat side of the stage, it's Brody Stevens, everybody. Thank you. I really enjoy Toronto. Every time I come back, it gets better and better. And better. It gets shittier and shittier. I live here.
Starting point is 00:14:14 Oh, it does? Yeah. These people probably left yesterday to get to this theater. Oh, this is far away from stuff? No, every road around here is closed. Every one of them. I love those. It's a soccer game.
Starting point is 00:14:30 You have to drive very far to get here. That was a good... Thanks, man. Topical. Good reasoning. But yeah, there's a lot of... That's all the driver wanted to talk about when I was getting a ride in from the airport
Starting point is 00:14:43 was how bad the traffic's gotten. And he kept trying to get me to say whether it was worse in L.A. or Toronto. And I was like, well, this traffic I'm sitting in right now is typical of L.A. And he was like, so Toronto's worse than L.A.? Like it was weirdly important to him to win. And I didn't want him to win. Because LA is horrible. At least Toronto,
Starting point is 00:15:13 and correct me if I'm wrong, you can sort of live in the middle of it and then not have to drive everywhere, just walk over. It's a very pedestrian city. Very pedestrian friendly, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:22 That's like complaining about traffic in Manhattan or Philadelphia or something. It's like, well, it's, that's like complaining about traffic in Manhattan or Philadelphia or something. It's like, well, it's fucking walk. Yeah. What are you... Get in a cab. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Take the subway. But he was also trying to win at being the worst at something. He says, what's worse? Are we worse? And he wanted you to say yes so we could win at being the worst. That's weird. I'm the best. We're the best at being bad at something.
Starting point is 00:15:44 I just think he did not want to take any responsibility for the traffic, nor did I want him to. What's weird. I'm the best, we're the best at being bad at something. I just think he did not want to take any responsibility for the traffic, nor did I want him to. What's his fucking name? I want to find this guy. I don't like the sound of him. You know, it's so silly of me, because I should do this. I should write down the name of every driver.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Because these things, they do come up later where somebody's like, what was his name? But let me quickly introduce one more guest and then we'll find out what all your prizes are. Our fourth and the only first-time guest on the panel, and I'm very excited to have him. We've been having fun backstage.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Mark Forward is here, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's nice to be here. I, uh, we've known each other for 10, 15 minutes, and, um... I think it's
Starting point is 00:16:38 going great. There was a fly downstairs. This is the best thing I've ever seen. Doug locked himself in the room with it, with a giant poster. And he fought it for ten minutes. I wasn't going to leave that room until that
Starting point is 00:16:57 fly was dead or the show had to begin. It was a genuine holocaust. It was. It really was Anyway There's no more There's no more flies down there That's a great segue out of holocaust
Starting point is 00:17:14 Anyway 60 million Whatever Yeah Anyway Five Well it wasn't the only holocaust The fly holocaust? There have been Yeah Pretty much everyone in this room Whatever. Yeah, anyway. Well, it wasn't the only Holocaust.
Starting point is 00:17:27 The fly Holocaust? There have been. Pretty much everyone in this room has probably had a personal Holocaust at some point, you know, like sitting between, like in the middle seat with two fat guys with BO on a long flight.
Starting point is 00:17:39 Or being the only Jewish guy up here. You could say to yourself. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. That was a good guess. That was a good guess because we don't know each other very well either. 10 to 15 minutes.
Starting point is 00:17:57 You took a shot and you went for it. Where can we get your album, Mark, forward thinking? Because if you haven't done that yet, I congratulate you. I haven't. Thank you for the congratulations.
Starting point is 00:18:10 What's the... Your name is not unlike Power Surge. No. It sounds like an act... Your name said together sounds like an activity or something you're supposed to do. Yeah. It's time to mark forward, everybody.
Starting point is 00:18:26 I say that in the mirror every morning. It's mark forward to victory. I wake up and look in the mirror and go, let's mark forward it today. You know what? I hate to do this to the winner of the prize bag, the eventual winner, but can I just give you this shiny headband?
Starting point is 00:18:42 Yeah. Because I think you'd like it. Sure, I'd love it. I think you'd like it. Sure, I'd love it. I think you'd like to own it. Thank you. What's that? Can I take the tag off? You're committing to it
Starting point is 00:18:53 if you take the tag off. We cannot return it. I don't know. Oh my God, you just took it off. Olivia Newton-John. Can I just say... Olivia Newton-John. Can I just say,
Starting point is 00:19:05 I have some more shows tonight and I'm not going to take this off for them. Yes! So if you see me later tonight, you'll be the only one person laughing. It doesn't really look like a headband. It seems kind of tight. It looks like a giant head.
Starting point is 00:19:23 Is it going to cut off circulation to your brain? I'll be alright. For someone with a big head, it doesn't draw attention to it. Don't worry, it's fine. Did you see the guy with the lasso on his forehead? Oh my god. Well, you got away, didn't you? I did. I got away. I tried to lasso you off.
Starting point is 00:19:47 I have lasso scissors in my back pocket at all times. So your opening joke is, everyone so got away from the rodeo today. It's good to be here. You don't talk like that. Yeah, I know. You don't talk like that. That's a bad impression. That didn't sound anything like me.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Hey, guys. Okay. Who do you think you are? That didn't sound anything like me Hey guys Okay Who do you think you are? Don Johnny and Marin? It's fun to make references My whole panel is like What does that mean? But John Doerr brought what he thinks
Starting point is 00:20:20 This is kind of a sidebar competition today He thinks this is One of the best if not the best gifts ever brought for the prize bag. Well, hold on. I did say I asked you what the greatest gift was ever brought. I couldn't even think
Starting point is 00:20:36 of what it was. You couldn't think of what it was? I couldn't think of what the greatest one was because people bring so many amazing things. They do. Now, we've already lost the headband from the bag, so this better be good. Which was $49, apparently. What? Yeah, $49.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Made in downtown L.A. Can I verify? It must have come with something else attached to it. Brody would like to verify. Like, $48. Yeah, I see a $49. Thank you. Why was I not trusted? Is that $49? I'll tell you why, because that's a headband. I'm the one wearing the headband.
Starting point is 00:21:10 And it feels like a $49 headband. Did you shoplift that? You didn't buy that. Well, I can tell you this right now. Somebody gave it to me in my travels. It might have been a spastic bag checker at the airport. I don't know how that got into my possession. I might have been a spastic bag checker at the airport.
Starting point is 00:21:26 I don't know how that got into my possession. I have no idea. Great, and now it's on my head. Spastic bag checker. I like that. Sounds good. Have you seen spastic bag checker? SBC? You know me. I brought...
Starting point is 00:21:41 My gift, by the way, is... Let's talk about your gift. Let's talk about your gift, which is gift. That might be a $49... Let's talk about your gift, which is comedy. That might be a $49 headband. This is an $80 gift. Okay, so just in terms of dollar value, there's been a more expensive prize...
Starting point is 00:21:56 Retail. ...on the show, but... There has been? This still might be the best one. Motherfucker, I was gonna... We did give away a cabin on the Weezer cruise. Oh, well, that's the bester cruise That was a pretty good prize I can't beat that
Starting point is 00:22:07 I'm sorry I didn't think of it earlier in the dressing room I could have saved you all this anguish But what is this shitty $80 thing? People listening are going to think something just happened. He's just sitting there looking at me. So subtle. I think your listeners are smart enough, you know? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:22:38 They're probably thinking JP whipped out a little mime bit over there. Oh, there he goes. I'm starting to worry about Mark's forehead. Don't. No, it's turning purple and the forehead meat is spilling over the top. The forehead meat. Did the spastic bag checker have much
Starting point is 00:22:57 forehead meat, by the way? Mark's got muffin head. Muffin top head. Really funny. I was going to buy a TV. And I thought, that's insane. Well, you bought this item? I bought it.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Holy shit. This is the best prize ever. The Weezer didn't cost them anything to give us a cabin. Well, fuck them. This is the best gift, then. And it's not for everyone, that's for sure. But I thought about it, and I got a remote-control Ferrari Enzo.
Starting point is 00:23:37 And you also have the receipt, which is very thoughtful. I have the receipt right here, and it's not polite to leave the price tag on. That's why I did. It's $80. And it's right there. Yeah, Doug. $80.
Starting point is 00:23:51 It's not polite. I'm just going to put that there for everyone to look at. $80. That's definitely a better value. You can return it and buy all the fucking books you want. Oh, trade it in for books. I like that. You could trade it in for one and a half headbands.
Starting point is 00:24:14 To make an even bigger headband. Yeah, get one that'll fit you after you staple it together. What? Why are you guys shitting on the size of my headband? It was a gift. I didn't try on headbands
Starting point is 00:24:30 and pick this one. Well, you should take the tag off. You could have taken it back.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Ah, damn it. I'm not going to fly to L.A. to return this. Plus, you don't even know what other magical colors might be available. Well, if you had to guess what color it was.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Right now? I've forgotten. I'll tell you what it is. It's a mocha. It says right here, mocha. You're wearing a mocha. It's like chocolate. It is.
Starting point is 00:25:00 You're right. Good job. We covered that already. It's like mocha. There's no trust on this stage. No one can just believe what they hear. Let's trust people from now on. Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Go. Mark Forward. Yes, friend. What did you bring for the prize bag? Oh, I brought a lovely, a great Canadian artist made this sculpture of a, it's of a lamb sitting on a lion sitting on a fish sitting on a turtle. That's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:25:38 That's beautiful. What's that the turtle's sitting on? The turtle's sitting on like like, algae or something? Avocado. Why is the fish so big? It's bigger than the lion. It really is. I've never seen a fish that big before in my life.
Starting point is 00:25:52 It's a large fish. You know what I would do with that if I owned that? I would get an aquarium that is just a little shyer in size than it, and I'd fill it up with water, and I'd put it in, and I'd make it look like the turtle and the fish and the lion got together to save the lamb from drowning. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful story. And that's funny, because it was
Starting point is 00:26:12 called Save the Lamb by the artist, David Baxter. I think that was just the lion talking. Save the lamb for dinner. Looks like a kebab. What an exotic kebab you're serving at this party. There you go. You'll have hours more fun.
Starting point is 00:26:32 So that's going in the prize bag. The bottom line is you're going to have to carry a lot of crap out of here. If you win tonight, it's a lot of heavy stuff, and we only brought, like, very light bags to carry it around in. So good luck, everybody. And I don't even know what time it is.
Starting point is 00:26:51 I don't even care. This is so much fun, you guys. Thanks. Yeah. Have you been to the cinema lately, J.P. Manu? I know you probably went to see some things at the Toronto Film Festival.
Starting point is 00:27:09 I didn't. I didn't actually get to see the movies. All right, nice talking to you. Brody Stevens. Yes. Thank you. You been to the movies? Not in a while. Okay, mark forward.
Starting point is 00:27:22 This is getting us back on track. We're really saving time with this segment. I saw the last, oh god, the last one I saw I lorded the rings. Okay, it's nice. It was great. Nice to hear about that. I hope they make more. And John Doerr, have you been
Starting point is 00:27:42 to the cinema? Has Doerr gone to the Bloor? No, but I watched Godfather III on television and I sent out an Instagram because I just got on Instagram and I didn't know that everyone could access it. And I sent a picture of my living rooms with the caption, arguably the greatest of the trilogy.
Starting point is 00:28:09 And it was a picture from Godfather 3. And then some guy I didn't know sent a message back saying, I thought you're supposed to live in a nice house and shit. That motherfucker. I like end shit. When you're typing it out, it's weird to add that. I know. It's a vocal thing, I understand.
Starting point is 00:28:36 It's such a conversational thing. It's a mannerism, yeah. I'm going to show it to you, too. Oh, you're going to show us your shitty house? Yeah, I have to show you my shitty house. Yeah, I suffer for my art. But he did do that. People can find a way to attack anything
Starting point is 00:28:49 you put on the Twitter or wherever. Say, I wrote, arguably, the Godfather 3, arguably the greatest film of the trilogy. Excuse me, sir. Oh, no, sorry, this is what he wrote. Excuse me, sir, but why isn't your house fancy and shit? Second one down. I get the and shit more now
Starting point is 00:29:06 because it's following fancy. What? It wasn't like he was really ripping on your house the way it is. He was just surprised it wasn't more elegant. Yeah, why don't you have more opulent things? Exactly. Probably because you don't want your eye
Starting point is 00:29:23 to be distracted by opulence when you're trying to watch arguably the greatest in the trilogy of the Godfather films. Like I said, arguably. Isn't Sofia Coppola in that? Yeah, she is. She dies at the end. She gets shot on the steps at the opera house. That's very satisfying when that happens.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Yes. I've often been shot leaving the opera. I like it. I like dudes that love their daughters, but man, is she awful in that movie. Like, no one stopped that from happening for her being that awful for an entire movie. See what I said? Arguably the greatest film. This is what I love about it.
Starting point is 00:29:57 It always starts a good conversation. Yeah. We should do an interruption of that sometime. It was supposed to be Winona Ryder, though, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Godfather 3 would be great. It was supposed to be Winona Ryder, and then, like, she Godfather 3 would be great. It was supposed to be Winona Ryder, and then she had
Starting point is 00:30:06 an emotional breakdown or something, and she couldn't do it. Winona? Yeah. She shoplifted. I think she ran off with Dracula.
Starting point is 00:30:14 But we got lost in translation. Yeah, no, I'm saying she went on to be a filmmaker whose work I enjoy, and his work has a lot of good acting in it.
Starting point is 00:30:23 She knows good acting when she sees it. Yeah, Doug's not saying her whole career shit. Just didn't like her in Godfather 3. Brody, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I love you a lot. No, I don't mind. You went for a nice walk today. Remember? You're a good guy. To be honest with you, she
Starting point is 00:30:37 of course was the baby in the first Godfather. She was great in that. And no, she... That's the only flaw of that movie. The scene she's in, go look at him again. That baby does not know how to react. Doesn't know what it's doing? Doesn't know how to act like a baby at all.
Starting point is 00:30:53 Oh, no. Granted, her listening shots were terrible. Shut up and listen. Stupid baby actor. Yeah. Not very good. Well, now's a good time to say let the games begin! Take control, Toronto!
Starting point is 00:31:18 Of your soccer hooligans! The fucking people leaving that soccer game just walk across the street without even looking. We almost ran over like 20 of them. Yeah. And they had children in hand too. Yeah. Like they were adults. They're walking their children into danger. They've got like, they're
Starting point is 00:31:34 walking around with soccer fever. Like those people they were as dazed looking as someone who's wearing too tight of a headband for about 30 minutes. Give or take 10 minutes. So the audience brought name tags. You were talking about me. At this point, John and I are jealous
Starting point is 00:31:55 that we don't have something tied on our heads. Our heads are just out there, free falling. Am I supposed to mention my gift or is that... Oh, yes! I don't know. falling. Am I supposed to mention my gift or is that it? Oh, yes. Everyone ignores the Jew. I think we just had to create a new award and that's going to be the person who speaks
Starting point is 00:32:15 last and the softest is going to get the Brody Stevens award. Yeah. My voice is a little raw. So you want me to explain what this is? Yeah, it's around your neck, so take it off and tell us about it. Oh, I'll take it off. Okay. I enjoy baseball and stadiums, and I wanted to go down to the...
Starting point is 00:32:35 I like it in bathtubs. Yeah. I wanted to go down to the Sky Dome. I refuse to call Rogers Center. Wow, they love that it's called Rogers Center. Wow, they love that it's called Rogers Center. I'm really nuts as soon as you said Rogers Center. Rogers,
Starting point is 00:32:51 it's on my phone. Stay off it. So is Rogers essentially the AT&T of here? Because we hate AT&T. Well, I love AT&T. Sorry, guys. Didn't mean to ruin any endorsements you have working. Someday.
Starting point is 00:33:10 So, I finagled a field pass. I went down there. All I wanted to do was see Jose Bautista. Joey Bax. That's all I wanted to do because I met him before. And then I went down there. I got a pass. I went down there on the field. I felt the AstroTurf. It was great. I thought about all the World Series championships and the Argonauts and Bruce McNall. And, you know, I met Wayne Gretzky
Starting point is 00:33:40 in the airport the other day coming here at Pearson. So I just keep the sports theme going. This is my pass, my field pass. You can't use it, but I'm going to donate it. And it means a lot to me because it has... What if they just let their facial hair grow, put on a pair of sunglasses, and walk in and say, positive energy. Don't you think they could get in? You got it. You'll be in the dugout.
Starting point is 00:34:02 So I like this pass. It's colorful. So it does mean something to me and that means that I'll donate it to the show. To the victor. To the victor. Gets my pass. Says Steven Brody Stevens.
Starting point is 00:34:17 I hope whoever wins today gives it back to you. That would be a very touching moment. Just go ahead and throw it there with those really great gifts Toronto loves sports wait it was good hanging there but they couldn't see it because it was hanging behind the
Starting point is 00:34:39 I was going to put it with the other gifts that fancy $80 vehicle I can put it anywhere you want I only played this theater last night. I know all the angles and sight lines. It'd be funny if you put that up,
Starting point is 00:34:50 but that's okay. Okay. All right, wait. Let me contribute to this. Did you really meet Wayne Gretzky at the airport?
Starting point is 00:35:00 Yeah. L.A.X. and Pearson. Did you talk to Wayne Gretzky? Yes, I did. Holy fuck. What did you say to Wayne Gretzky? Yes, I did. Holy fuck. What did you say to Wayne Gretzky?
Starting point is 00:35:06 I said, excuse me, I need to get to the kiosk. I like it. True story. The Gretzky kiosk. Yeah. And then I did talk to him at the baggage claim here, and he was a nice guy. Nice. What did you talk to him about i said i was
Starting point is 00:35:26 in due date and i i met you at the roosevelt and that's all i was just good he was a nice guy he's in due date no he went to the premier i spoke to him oh okay in hollywood i remember had a conversation with him was real quick but just brought brought that up and he was a nice guy. He was cool. Wayne Gretzky had a hat on. What else? He had a leather jacket. Yeah. What kind of hat was it? He had like a Gretzky Kids Club, something like that. He had a Gretzky camp hat on. He's wearing his own name on his head. Yes, he was. I know it's for the Kids Club, but I feel weird wearing that. It was a small font.
Starting point is 00:36:13 You had to look close. I give it to him. I give it to him. And he's leaned out a bit. He's wearing a leather jacket in summer. Is he making a comeback? No, he just... Is he going to play again or no?
Starting point is 00:36:28 No. That'd be great if he told you he was going to play again and you talked him out of it. You just said, you don't have the right energy for that. Energy, yes. 818 till I die. Where's your protection?
Starting point is 00:36:43 Where's Marty McSorley when you need him? One third sports fans here. Okay. Oh, my ankles are tingling. That'll happen. We have like EMTs on standby, right? Yeah, we got... No, we don't have any EMTs.
Starting point is 00:37:07 You put this on my fat head and you don't have EMTs. Are you also transforming into some sort of character? I'm transforming into Headband Man. Headband Man. The headband is sweating. Oh, man man Ha ha
Starting point is 00:37:28 Guys I'm terrible at this game I think we're supposed to pick name tags still Yeah So go grab the name tag you want to play for Bring it back to your seat Don't read the shithead on the back out loud If there isn't a shithead on the back
Starting point is 00:37:42 If there isn't a shithead on the back The person who made that name tag is a shithead and uh while they do that we'll do this we'll be right back those are real donuts yeah because i'm a fat fuck we've learned that yeah so we should we'll open the donut i saw other better ones but this one was donuts and it had your name it actually has your name on it. Yeah, but I think she wrote that after. Let's be honest. What do you mean, after what?
Starting point is 00:38:12 That's a great one. This one's really good. That's a sports thing. Breakfast at Griffin E's. Doug Benson plays that darling, darling, holly-go-lightly to a new high in entertainment delight. And they even look at, look at, they got a light on them. Hang on a second.
Starting point is 00:38:27 We're back. What's your name tag? It's a poster, a spoof of Breakfast at Tiffany's, but it says Breakfast at Griffinies. It looks more impressive than your description well for a podcast i'm gonna return this and get another one is that okay i have to go with this one okay yeah no this one's great i love this one even came with its own uh marquee light underneath it yeah yeah so they don't have to usually people will have to point their phones at their name tags or bring a flashlight or
Starting point is 00:39:07 even a fleshlight. They'll just wave a fleshlight at it. And all the glorious light that comes from a woman's vagina shines on the poster. Is the theater usually like outside littered afterwards with angry name tags? No, they're reusable and recyclable.
Starting point is 00:39:26 You can take it home with you and then bring it back the next time. I think I would destroy mine viciously and angrily. I spent time on this. Who are you playing for, Mark? I'm playing for Angela in the outfield. I like it. She gave me six
Starting point is 00:39:41 large, busting donuts. And it had my name on it. Well, whip one out of there and take a bite. Let us tell us how you like it. And she gave me six large, busting donuts. And it had my name on it. Well, whip one out of there and take a bite. Let us tell us how you like it. Yeah, I should make this headband tighter. I just read the back. There's a note on the back of this. Don't say the shithead. Don't say it out loud. I will not say it! That's for at the end. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:02 This is for at the end. Look at that donut. Beautiful. That smelled like a big end. Okay. This is for at the end. Look at that donut. Beautiful. That's more like a big piece of cake. It's round. Doug and friends. Those are donuts, by the way. I know it says for the rest of them. A little headband character.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Headband man's getting scary. He takes one bite. She's like, it says Doug and friends. Don't get out of control. She assumed the fat guy with the thin headband is also an asshole. Do not mark forward with those donuts.
Starting point is 00:40:35 I don't want one. No offense. Because at the end, if you lose, we'll see. I will take one of those. Thank you. because at the end, if you lose, we'll say it. I'm okay. I have a 7 o'clock show. Okay, gotcha. I will take one of those. Thank you. JP's enjoying it.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Okay, Nutella banana. I gotta go banana, but that doesn't look banana. Okay. Is this Tim Hortons? There we go. No, I'm good, thanks. Oh, good lord. But those do look awesome. Thank you for bringing those. How old are these? When did you make that? Were these bought today?
Starting point is 00:41:06 Well, they made the box. They wrote on it. Yeah, they wrote on the box. But did you buy these donuts, like, today? Thank you. That's all I ask. She bought them today. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Let us know, Quality Control. They're quite good. I would laugh if she brought day-old ones. I'd be fine with day old as well alright that's all I wanted to know last two days go ahead give it a oh wow I took a big ass bite
Starting point is 00:41:31 a lot of it in the beard these are terrible I don't like that at all I thought I was getting a banana one that was under the banana row and it was not that was apple it doesn't look like apple or banana. It doesn't taste... It's shit.
Starting point is 00:41:51 And I know someone put a lot of work into it, so it is shit. Mine's really good. No, mine wasn't. What did you get? John, can you not... Mark, you just... Are you kidding me?
Starting point is 00:42:04 What? You just stepped right on the donuts, Mark. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I didn't... It's okay, because you know what? I am so sorry, Angela. No, no. He only...
Starting point is 00:42:19 Mark only stepped on one. It's awful. I can't believe you stepped on the pancake. This is still edible. Lego. Oh! Yeah! There's shoe markings on it.
Starting point is 00:42:30 His shoe didn't touch it, just the top of the box. No, there was some shoe in that. Who knows where the top of the box has been, though. That's the first thing I lick when I bring a box of donuts home. Did you do that on purpose? Do you want those? What's that? What's your name, Donald?
Starting point is 00:42:49 I don't know. Did you do that on purpose? Step on her dreams? I don't think he's accountable for his actions right now. Did you do that on purpose? Oh, man. He doesn't do anything.
Starting point is 00:43:04 I would hate to be in a play with you. Hey, are you really a phantom? No, and this isn't an opera. What's your name again, the lady, donut lady? Angela. Sorry, Angela. Angela in the out Angela. Angela, sorry, Angela. Angela in the outfield. Oh, yeah, Angela in the outfield.
Starting point is 00:43:28 Not a fan. Not a fan. I want to thank Angela. Mine's like an apple pie. It's delicious. JP likes it. They're a bit off. Plus, she didn't make them anyway.
Starting point is 00:43:37 I tried a bite of two of them, and they're not good. Um, what's one worse than the other though By a little bit I don't know I'm feeling sick But I don't know if it's the headband or the donut This is a donut You've had a lot today I've had a lot You've had some beer
Starting point is 00:43:54 You have the headband on Can I go get a beer by the way I smoked some weed Please do yes But I'm allowed to Or I don't want to ruin No please Or somebody might want to help you
Starting point is 00:44:02 But you know We can get you a beer Shane The mic You don't need to monitor the levels Everything, please. Or somebody might want to help you, but, you know, we can get you a beer. Shane, can you... The mic... You don't need to monitor the levels. Everything's fine. Can you go get me two beers? One for Mark, one for me.
Starting point is 00:44:12 Please. You're not moving? Oh, could you open them also? Because there's no bottle opener down there. Oh, he's listening to something else? He might be. He's not responding to me at all. He's got that new U2 album on. Hey!
Starting point is 00:44:27 Can you please grab me two creamer from the fridge? No, it's just gone. Oh, there he is. Thanks, Shane. Okay. Zane. It's never good when somebody has to take headphones off like this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Never good. That's always like a surveillance Situation in a movie, he's gonna ride Yeah God, fuck it We lost contact You should have kept him on the phone longer Brody Who are you playing for?
Starting point is 00:45:00 I am playing for 10 seconds, the pain begins 15 seconds, you can't breathe 20 seconds you explode Seaners yes I guess I'm playing for Sean yeah you really sold that yeah
Starting point is 00:45:14 is that not what I was supposed to do well Sean thank you and good luck we're gonna do it oh I mean Brody's gonna win no positive push let's go I fixed my phone so the answer and good luck. We're going to do it. Oh, I mean, Brody's going to win. No? Positive push. Let's go. I fixed my phone so the answer... Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:45:31 There's some beers for you guys. And some hugs. Now get the fuck out of here. Thank you. Thank you. Genuinely, thank you. I rigged the game so that the answer is always due date.
Starting point is 00:45:51 So congratulations, Sean. But who are you playing for, JP, just for the hell of it? Jesse Usher. And his is a wonderful twist on the Jumanji poster. It's Jumanji. That's a wonderful twist on the Jumanji poster. It's Jumanji.
Starting point is 00:46:08 That's a wonderful twist. Jumanji. I think I got roadies. Sitting right next to this. Why are you... You don't have to hold it. Jumanji. Is that a Holocaust movie?
Starting point is 00:46:21 Jumanji. Is that a Holocaust movie? An adventure for those who seek to find a way to leave their world behind. That might have been the actual tagline for the movie, though, right? You're absolutely right, audience. Oh, you are so on. The audience was right on. Did Schindler have a to-do list?
Starting point is 00:46:39 Did you also bring a Ouiju board? They can find you ghosts! Don't look at me! I really don't... I need you to not pass out on me, Mark, because... I don't think I can make it. We've got a very important game to play. Although your head crashing into
Starting point is 00:47:03 a stool with beers and donuts on it would be pretty hilarious. I'm going to go straight for my statue and get a lamb through the skull. Oh, no. That thing would be the best murder weapon. Murder. It's like the Bizarro Chinese
Starting point is 00:47:20 Zodiac. It was in the billiard room with the lamb, lion, fish, turtle statue. It looks like those balanced rocks on Bloor in front of the Starbucks. Am I right, guys? I took a photo without tipping. Local reference.
Starting point is 00:47:37 I'm going to have to go check that out. It's there. I just can't believe you guys picked name tags that didn't have food. That's ridiculous. Oh, here's a poster. You know, there's lots of food out there. There's often gifts, very large posters. What happens to them now?
Starting point is 00:47:55 JP and Brody both picked wallet size. I don't know what compels people to pick certain things. I got half of Mark's. I may have just given myself Canadian diabetes. I couldn't fit a box into my fanny pack. I love that. Your disappointment in their reaction got a big laugh. They appreciated it.
Starting point is 00:48:24 That's what a great crowd this is. They're going to get their laughs in somewhere. A lot of laughs are coming as a result of facial gestures. Yeah, good podcast. I did a facial gesture. Facial gesture. Should we say that now?
Starting point is 00:48:41 You're pointing something out with your face? Yeah, like this. It's that way. Facial gesture. That's the politest way to gesture. Pointing's rude. Just do it with your face. Exactly. Don't point. Do you guys play a game on this podcast?
Starting point is 00:48:58 What? Last time we played this, I was... I almost won, but I said meet the Fockers instead of meet the parents. Oh, that's a crucial mistake you made there. It was crucial because it was the wrong movie, but I was in the right family.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Doug, go ahead. I'm trying to give some history and context. I love it. Good. Let's play the game. If you want. We're going to start with something that I like to call ABC These Nuts. It's a spelling game, you guys.
Starting point is 00:49:44 We'll start with JP and work our way across. Spelled correctly already. M-A-N-O-U-X. We're going to spell, because we're interrupting it later tonight, some of us on this stage, here in Toronto as part of Just for Laughs, we're going to interrupt the classic meatballs. Not because, yeah, go ahead, applaud for meatballs.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Not just because, I mean, I'm not really necessarily want to make fun of it. I'm just excited to see it on a big screen like I did when it first came out and Bill Murray emerged as a huge star as a result of it. I'm just excited to see it on a big screen like I did when it first came out and Bill Murray emerged as a huge star as a result of it. So JP, we're going to start with you with the letter M.
Starting point is 00:50:34 And you just have to name any movie that begins with the letter M. And if it matches the one that I've written down ahead of time you win automatically. But if you can't think of one, and this has happened, you guys, not just on the letter X, on lots of letters, people blank. And so if you can't think of one, you're out. JP, Oh, my God. I just saw on TV that Lindsay Lohan has been sending emails to Tina Fey.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Those are going in the trash. Telling her she has a great idea for Mean Girls 3 and that she should reach out and that she's going to continue to bother her until she actually writes it. Tina Fey is in her own Holocaust. She is in a Lindsay Lohan Holocaust because there's no way she's going to write that movie for her.
Starting point is 00:51:37 I don't think. I think it's a smart move, honestly. Did they make Mean Girls? You know what her great idea is? They're all older and now they're housewives oh yeah okay
Starting point is 00:51:48 I like it what would have happened to those characters oh people got upset um they
Starting point is 00:51:58 they liked the idea I went with really you guys want to see Mean Girls 3 or 2 I guess right why did I jump to 3 Mean Girls 3? Or 2, I guess, right? Why did I jump to 3? You said 3, and that's why I asked.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Did they even make 2? Yeah, they did. Lindsay Lohan wasn't in it. And it took place at a summer camp. Oh. And then what? No, I meant 2. You did Mean 2.
Starting point is 00:52:26 They haven't made Mean Girls 2 already. I know, why'd you say three? But it's funnier that Lindsay Lohan wants to make Mean Girls 3 and not 2. That's great. That's the most creative thing she's ever come up with. I wish that was... There was a 2 we have of the young lady.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Oh, there was a 2, was there? Who was in that? Oh, okay, she's like, I don't know anything about it, but I can verify that it happened. Get out. Oh, it's a TV movie. Oh. It was Meredith Baxter Burney.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Boom. Points. I gotta watch that. Yes. I said an M word. I didn't go with Mean Girls I went with Midnight Express Good movie Yes because I'm going to be on At Midnight On Monday September 29th
Starting point is 00:53:12 Now available in Canada On Much Music At Midnight What show? Brody you have the letter E I would just like to say that the M, I did think Midnight Express
Starting point is 00:53:33 I work at midnight I'll see Doug there on Monday I'm excited about that You didn't realize I work there I help out, I push the energy. Okay. E. X.
Starting point is 00:53:49 Caliber. Okay. I went with Escape from Alcatraz because I'm going to be in San Francisco at Cobb's on October 30th. We're going to Douglas Movies there. A is your letter, Mark. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:54:13 I can't imagine how hard this would be with a super-tight headband on. I know, I can't even function properly. I think I just wet myself. Don't, please don't. I can't help it Is this really happening? I ask myself that all the time
Starting point is 00:54:42 What are you doing? That's how I think. A. Yep. Just say it out loud, then say more words or more letters or more consonants. Were you not ready? Or vowels. A.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Alcatraz. You're going to be there next. Mark, you have it right in front of you. Angels in the Outfields. Oh, Angels in the Outfields. Right there. It's on your donut box. For the taking.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Apocalypse Now. You're out. Does that mean I leave? What happens? No, no, no. You just hang out. you're out does that mean I leave or what happens no no no you just hang out I'll probably forget that you're out
Starting point is 00:55:31 by the time it gets back to you so just be ready I went with Airborne because it was shot supposedly in Cincinnati where I'm going to be at Go Bananas October 18th
Starting point is 00:55:42 at 420 and also Airborne features Jack Black and isn't a bad little movie, actually. Doug, I'd just like to say, in my backpack, if we got it right now, I have a bottle of Airborne.
Starting point is 00:55:57 Does it come in bottles? Yeah, it's a lozenge. You don't have to dip it in water. It's a crazy coincidence, Brody. Alright, what do I know? I was only in the movie Due Date. I'm sorry, there are no D's in meatballs.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Your letter, John, is the letter T. Weekend at Bernie's. No, what did you say? I was just about to say the letter T is Weekend at Bernie's. I was just about to say the letter T is a very easy letter. Probably more movies begin with the letter T than any other letter.
Starting point is 00:56:33 The Schindler's List. You know, if you're not going to take this seriously, you're just going to keep bringing up the Holocaust. You're right. You're absolutely right. Here're right. If you're just going to keep bringing up the Holocaust. You're right. You're absolutely right. Here we go. Comedy comes in threes.
Starting point is 00:56:53 So John's third joke answer is... I'm gassed. Oh my god. Thank you. I believe comedy comes in eleven my god. Thank you. I believe comedy comes in 11s, by the way. So buckle up. Here we go. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Really, I gotta answer this? Mm-hmm. Okay. Is that how you're gonna approach all the games today? Well, no, but you gave me T. You do expect me to participate. You gave me T. tea yeah any movie that begins with the letter t okay the godfather yeah yeah i mean it's that easy i know but
Starting point is 00:57:32 okay where are you performing it's not that easy i had a and it's sitting right fucking in front of me right on my name tag yeah that was that yeah was... I went with what I find to be one of the most hilarious motion pictures to ever come out of Canada for my letter T, and that is The Sweet Hereafter. Yeah. That was classic.
Starting point is 00:58:00 There are plenty of people in the United States that'll hear that joke and have no idea. And that's why I said it. But it is a good movie. Sarah Pauly sang a tragically hip song in that movie. I didn't even realize this. Last night I had a beer called The 100th Meridian, and I realized if I get alcohol poisoned and die,
Starting point is 00:58:21 I hope everyone gets Roy Cougar to sing my eulogy. Play it to the hometown crowd. Doug's not happy about that. I just have no idea what just happened. I know. You get the letter B, JP. B.
Starting point is 00:58:39 It's just down to you and to Brody. It's a very tight competition. Benji? Huh? Benji. Oh yeah, Benji. Benj Monji.
Starting point is 00:58:52 Was there, the first one was just called Benji? Yeah, I think it was. Eventually they did Benji the Hunted, which is a very dark twist. I think the first one was Benji the Benji. Yeah, just Benji. I went with Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure because, strangely enough,
Starting point is 00:59:07 it was filmed partially in Arizona. I didn't know that. And I'll be at the Tempe Improv November 13 and 15. And, uh, Brody, you get the letter A. I... You probably thought of one earlier when we were tossing around AE titles
Starting point is 00:59:25 I certainly was, I counted it out oh you planned ahead? yes I did what do you got? well there's a lot of Schindler's jokes tonight and I would like to go with the movie How I Feel Up Here American history acts
Starting point is 00:59:40 I'm getting jumped by a bunch of Aryans you don't do that to me. Not in Toronto. Not in the multicultural city of Toronto. You got it. Priestburger. No. No. I went with Air Force One.
Starting point is 01:00:14 For pretty much the same reasons. Somehow Air Force One was shot partially in Columbus, Ohio? That doesn't seem right. It seems like it should have been inside a plane in the air and then down at the White House. But I'm going to be in Columbus at the Funny Bone October 19th doing a Douglars movies. It's the first time we're doing a Douglars movies there, so that should be fun.
Starting point is 01:00:39 Mark, you're out. John, I'm letting you stay back in because you seem so hurt. I didn't take it seriously the first time, but I will this time. So if I showed emotion, I would have been back in? He did say the correct answer eventually. I said some after. You had no idea. You couldn't even come up with one.
Starting point is 01:00:59 I don't even know where the fuck I am right now, John. All right. What do you got for the letter now, John. Alright. What do you got for the letter L, John? Oh, um... I'm surprised by how this is working. Oh, oh, me? League of their own. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 01:01:20 No, it doesn't count. I'm out because it's a league of their own. Fuck. But I thank you for moving the game along. I went with Lost in Yonkers because I'm doing a movie interruption of Ghost in Yonkers on October 5th. Alamo Draft House. You got another L there, JP. Oh, you're going to say it. L.
Starting point is 01:01:48 Llewellyn, comma, inside. It's kind of miraculous how difficult this game can be for some people. Well, I so overthought L, I saw two Ls, and then it was like, all I could do was say Llewellyn. Or Llewellyn, or whatever his name was. It's The Last of the Mohicans, isn't it? That's what you wrote. No, that's The Last of the Mohicans, and I, uh... I honestly, I think I might be fucking,
Starting point is 01:02:23 I might be an idiot. This is pretty much a standard IQ test. You're not the one that sat down and put on this fucking idiot headband in front of 500 fucking people, John. Ah! I went, we're about to lose one of these on stage. I went with life because about to lose one of these on stage.
Starting point is 01:02:46 I went with Life because it's set near Sacramento and I'll be there on November 1st at 420. And thanks. Can you turn that around? It's blinding us. Oh, yeah, I can do that. Not a problem. Wow, that is very interesting. I can absolutely do that.
Starting point is 01:03:02 I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry about that. Turn that around. A gentleman in the audience pointed out that the flashlight on stage was shooting right into people's eyes, but he's sitting way the hell back there. I think he... You're creating a lot of damage with that, I think. I think he was... Actually, you know what?
Starting point is 01:03:20 I don't like being talked to like that. Yeah! You don't do that to us. We're busy doing a show. Does anybody just walk up to the panel on Match Game and say that... Yeah. I thought he was a tech guy working on the microphone. He did look like he came up to ask a question into that mic.
Starting point is 01:03:39 And by the way, your irises will naturally narrow, okay? You're a human. You've evolved to the point. Why is Mark on the floor? Yeah, Doug. Doug, Mark's out. Mark's out. Doug. Uh-oh. Doug. Oh, no, he's down? Yeah, I'm down.
Starting point is 01:03:57 I didn't even notice because of this whole flashlight thing. We're going to take care of this first, and then we'll be with you, Mark. Your headband matches with your belt. You don't think it has an off switch, maybe? I don't know. Maybe you could just turn it off. I don't see an off switch.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Oh, there it is on the front. There you go. Oh, wait a minute. Turn it right the fuck off. Yeah, but it's better if it's on. There we go. So at least point it at somebody different. We'll move it every few minutes like a sundial.
Starting point is 01:04:28 It's off now. Mark is back in his chair. You going to be all right, buddy? Yeah. I wish I had another flashlight. It's good to be in Cincinnati. He's gone bananas. Hey, aren't you playing gone bananas soon, doc?
Starting point is 01:04:46 Yeah, that's why I said it. Yeah, man. S is, who was on the last turn? JP? John? I failed with L. I think it's me. No, I think Brody won.
Starting point is 01:04:56 So how does it go? Brody gets to do, oh, I should have let Brody do an L word after Llewellyn. Do you have an L word? I had one, yeah. A title, yeah? I was going to say, leaving Las Vegas. If you would have said life, you have an L word? I had one, yeah. The title, yeah? I was going to say Leaving Las Vegas. If you'd have said life,
Starting point is 01:05:07 you would have matched me and you already knew that. But, uh... Moving on to John. The final letter. This is your chance to get a match. The letter S.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Aren't I out? Over to JP. Thank you. He's out too. Okay, S. You're both out? Shawsh JP. Thank you. He's out too. Okay, S. You're both out? Shawshank Redemption. All right, Brody wins, everybody.
Starting point is 01:05:30 Brody wins. You know what I was going to say? Saturday Night Fever tied back to the Airborne. You got it. Stay with me. Seven o'clock, Drake Theater. And it's the Shawshank Redemption. And, uh...
Starting point is 01:05:42 theater. And it's the Shawshank Redemption. I got chromosomal issues. I don't know what's happening here. I went with School of Rock because my friend Jack Black is going to be joining me on Getting Doug with High very
Starting point is 01:06:04 soon. Very soon High very soon. Very soon. Very soon. If you're listening to this, you might be too late. How are we doing on time, you guys? Who cares? I love it. Love that attitude.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Toronto, who cares attitude? Wow. Oh, my gosh. Was that a June bug? No it's a joint bug You get a lot of credit from your cult members We'll put that in the prize bag Alright you guys we gotta concentrate We got 23 minutes.
Starting point is 01:06:45 Quick question. Do you ever smoke stuff that gets thrown at you? What's that? Do you ever smoke stuff that's just thrown at you on stage, or are you worried, or are you... Do I ever? Yeah, like... Do I ever smoke anything that wasn't thrown at me
Starting point is 01:06:56 or handed to me politely? He wouldn't either, don't you? I get a lot of weed, and I smoke all of it, John. You do, huh? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, if you think that's safe. When I have a lot of weed and I smoke all of it, John. You do, huh? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, if you think that's safe. When I have a plane to catch, I redistribute it amongst the locals before I leave.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Because I don't fly with it. You're like Jesus. I do the same. Only way better. I do the same with my donuts. That's sort of my, that was my nickname in high school, Better Jesus. Better Jesus. Sup, BJ?
Starting point is 01:07:26 That's not what they meant. Nothing. Bring me your punch. I'll turn it into something good. Yeah. We gotta play the Leonard Maltin game. It's a must. Brody gets to go first. And then we'll switch the order around
Starting point is 01:07:47 and head JP's way. And Brody gets to pick a category. And Mark, if you fall off your chair again, you're out. Yeah, so try to stay upright. Can I just ask why I got handicapped? Right off the top. Pretty sure it was your decision
Starting point is 01:08:09 to put that on and to eat that other thing and to drink those other things. All your ideas. Carpe diem. JP gets to choose between pie that category of course is movies
Starting point is 01:08:30 that Leonard gave three stars and listed 14 names okay that's the pie category Doug I thought I was that you mentioned I was supposed to go first that's cool
Starting point is 01:08:44 see how easy that is to fix Doug, I thought I was... You mentioned I was supposed to go first, but, you know... That's cool. See how easy that is to fix? People in the back screaming like it was the Holocaust. Human resources here. I think the people in the front were also screaming at the Holocaust. Not just the people in the back. Yeah. Everybody's screaming at the Holocaust. Yeah. Not just the people in the back. Yeah. Everybody's mad at the Holocaust. Yeah. Everybody was screaming. Well,
Starting point is 01:09:14 that's not totally true. What's that? Really? You just give the Holocaust a stern talking to? No. What? It's intangible. At Max P. Wilson suggested super bad, what it's intangible at max p wilson suggested super bad and that's
Starting point is 01:09:30 movies superhero movies that leonard gave two stars or less brody then we'll go to jp or the blueberry johnson category which is you're in this and this is films that someone in the panel is in.
Starting point is 01:09:47 So I can pick the topics? You get to pick, yeah, by having control. It seems like I can kind of feel which category you're going to gun for. Why not? I'll go for the movies that we're in. Alright. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:02 Pick a movie. One of you is in this movie From the year is 2008 Leonard gave this movie two and a half stars He says about this movie That It gets a lot of mileage from the Lead actor
Starting point is 01:10:23 Impersonating another actor, according to Leonard. Interesting description. He says it starts off abysmally and then improves as it goes along, but then there's that formulaic, barely credible finale. And then he lists
Starting point is 01:10:44 11, 16 names. 16 names. How many names can you get it in, Brody Stevens? I could probably do it. I know what I'm thinking. I would say three names. Wow. Is that not?
Starting point is 01:11:00 That's a bold bid. Oh, well. But now we'll go to JP, see if he can bid lower or ask you to name it. 2008. Three names. I want to hear you name it, Brody. Brody. I just want to throw in one more clue.
Starting point is 01:11:23 Just to make it fair. I'm not absolutely sure one of you is in this. Thanks, Better Jesus. That's the Better Jesus. I don't know. I'm just kidding. I'm pretty sure. I got a good feeling about it. Your three names, Brody, are Pete Best,
Starting point is 01:11:53 Jane Krakowski, and Jonathan Glazer. And these are, you know, lowly billed out of all the names of this movie from two and a half stars from Leonard from 2008? My guess? Please. Tropic Thunder?
Starting point is 01:12:12 That is incorrect. But it is funny you mentioned a Jack Black movie because he says this gets much of its mileage from Rainn Wilson's amusing Jack Black imitation. And the film is called The Rocker. Who was in The Rocker? Mark Forward. the film is called The Rocker. Who was in The Rocker? Mark Forward. Mark Forward is in The Rocker. I knew it.
Starting point is 01:12:30 Was that 2008? I thought that was... You weren't in Tropic Thunder? I wish you passed it on. When did you think it was? You were in it, right? Yeah, I was in it. What year did you think it was?
Starting point is 01:12:43 I knew that was the movie because it's the only one I've in it. What year did you think it was? I knew that was the movie because this is the only one I've been in. But what about Brody's many screen appearances? I just felt it. I thought that was the way to go, too. I wish he passed it on. Drop of Thunder?
Starting point is 01:12:57 No, I was going to go The Rocker. I wish he passed it on. Mark plays the role of Leon in that movie? Yeah. What does Leon do? Does he get thrown out of the band for passing out during a rehearsal? No. Leon's name is never said, for one.
Starting point is 01:13:21 And I worked on that movie, and I still don't know what Leon's purpose was I was at his office Doug can I tell you why I picked Tropic Thunder because you said an actor playing an actor right something like that one actor imitating another okay so I was thinking
Starting point is 01:13:40 Robert Downey Jr. playing the black guy as a white guy and then I was in due date with Robert Downey Jr. playing the black guy as a white guy. And then I was in Due Date with Robert Downey Jr. So I put that too. I get your thinking, totally. All right, so. Yeah. But I didn't think, I thought maybe.
Starting point is 01:13:54 It's kind of like you were in Tropic Thunder. Totally smart. Okay. Good reasoning. You were in Due Date? Opening scene. That guy from Tropic Thunder. Cool, cool, cool.
Starting point is 01:14:13 Ontario Airport. Oh, man. California. So, JP is on the board with one point. Hey! So he had no choice but to make him name it. So that means we're going to start with you, John.
Starting point is 01:14:31 You get to pick a category, and then we're going to head towards JP. So Mark, you're up next. At Tom C. Judd suggested Rush, and that's best picture Oscar winners that are under 100 minutes long. There are actually a few of them. Celebrating a birthday today. I don't know if you guys are friends with him. I don't know if Kumail Nanjiani is friends with him.
Starting point is 01:14:52 But Marc Maron is celebrating a birthday somewhere. Somewhere in the world. He's miserable. And so the films of Marc Maron. He's made some film appearances. so the films of Mark Maron he's made some film appearances and at RJ Moffa
Starting point is 01:15:07 suggested best pitcher best pitcher and that's Oscar nominated baseball movies that's for me? I thought it was a category you'd enjoy but you don't get to pick the category and now you've probably given
Starting point is 01:15:24 John a reason not to pick that category, and now you've probably given John a reason not to pick that category. But let's see what he does. I don't know, because I do like that category as well. So you can go ahead and take it if you want. But it's either one or three. Oh, Mark Maron. No, not... Yeah, I know. Poor boy. I don't know about that. Lock the gates.
Starting point is 01:15:46 I'm gonna go with... why an Oscar nominated baseball film let's do Oscar nominated baseball okay would you like an Oscar nominated baseball movie from 1984 or 1986 no wait let's call it 88
Starting point is 01:16:04 let's call both those years 88 or 184 188 or 186 let's pick between the two 88s oh both of them are from 88 no no no it's uh it's definitely 88 or 84 never seen somebody use glasses like that in my life doug just held his glasses to the phone while staying probably seven feet away. I like that. So they're both from 88, you said? Yeah, pick one, goddammit. Okay, I'll... Well, what do you mean pick one?
Starting point is 01:16:33 What are you talking... Which year would you like? No, but I don't know the years. 88 or what? 84. Oh, thank you. Pick one, pick one! 88.
Starting point is 01:16:43 Oh. You can shorten it. Okay. Three stars from... Shorten it? We don't edit shit out of this But that's a good idea Edit that part Edit the part that you don't edit anything Three stars from Leonard for this movie That's about baseball
Starting point is 01:16:58 Has baseball in it and also got One or more Oscar nominations Leonard calls this movie a bit sluggish at times. Nice. Leonard, well done. But he also says it has some seriously sexy
Starting point is 01:17:15 scenes near the end. So that's an interesting way to find out Leonard is a butt man. Interesting way to find out Leonard is a butt man. And then he lists seven... I can't believe I almost said was, like he was dead. Leonard was a butt man, you guys. That's why I'm going to open the eulogy if he goes first.
Starting point is 01:17:42 Don't let me talk, Don't worry about it. Seven names. John. Baseball movie. Oscar nominations. Sluggish. Sexy. I feel like I can do it. I'm feeling sluggish and sexy tonight.
Starting point is 01:18:03 I think I can do it, but I don't know if this was nominated. Seven names, huh? You can take them all if you want. I can just go for it if I want? 88? You can say zero names, but don't announce what you think the title is. No, it wasn't 88 or 84. The next person gets to go.
Starting point is 01:18:19 I won't. What was the final, 88 or 84? This one was from 88. Okay. I did this last time and it fucked me, but I'm going to do it again. I can do it in one name. 88 or 84? This one was from 88. Okay. I did this last time and it fucked me, but I'm going to do it again. I can do it in one name.
Starting point is 01:18:31 Okay, he says one name. So I pass it to Mark. What are you going to do with that, Mark? Can you name it? You have to name that movie, John Tarr. All right. Okay, now I think I got it. But I'm weirded out that this is... I'm going to tell you your one name
Starting point is 01:18:45 it's Max Patkin Patkin P-A-T-K-I-N Max Patkin oh Max, I got it what do you think the movie is? I'm just going to say it and it's probably wrong because I'm between two
Starting point is 01:19:01 but it's got to be when I say sexy towards the end here it is. It is... Oh, fuck. Was it nominated? Okay. I'm worried that it's going to be wrong. I'm worried that we're not going to have time to finish the game. Bull Durham. Correct. Yes!
Starting point is 01:19:24 Motherfucker Oh boo I couldn't do that I knew that when you said Max Padkin I knew it He's a clown prince of baseball Or was he passed away He does all the goofy copies the first baseman
Starting point is 01:19:46 It's a movie about him too. I know that was his name, but I know the clown print Does that mean I have to take my own life now? No, you just you could sit there, I mean you're doing it anyway Slowly, but I'd like to see this process up No, you're doing great. Thisxy was a great word. That helped. That sexy is what that movie is. That movie is sexy. Jockstraps.
Starting point is 01:20:16 Arliss guy. Arliss. Arliss. I'm going to fuck that shit. Alright, now we're going to start with JP. Fuck that shit. And then we're going to go to Brody. What happened?
Starting point is 01:20:30 So do I just... I never get a turn ever. Start with Brody, then go with Brody. I don't understand anything. What's happening? You just had a turn. You blew it. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:20:37 You sent it back this way. Oh, all right. We switched the order around. Everybody gets a chance. At Squirrel Whisperer suggested... And is this me or Brody? This is you, JP. But it might be Brody.
Starting point is 01:20:51 No, it's you. It's all you. Ah, this is Doug Loves Movies. It's all you, JP. Welcome, Mark Forward. Say thanks. Thank you. There you go. Squirrel Whisperer suggested Purge Anarchy. Say thanks. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:21:05 There you go. Squirrel Whisperer suggested Purge Anarchy. Purge Anarchy. And that's a movie where more than one person has diarrhea. At Party In My Jeans suggested Thanks For The Plug. Thanks For The Plug. And that's movies where someone dies in a bathtub. Thanks for the plug Thanks for the plug
Starting point is 01:21:25 And that's movies where someone dies in a bathtub And for you guys Oh Canada And that's movies shot in Toronto That are supposed to be New York City Alright let's go with Oh Canada Yay All right, let's go with O Canada. Yay.
Starting point is 01:21:50 This movie was shot here. It was supposed to be in New York. One and a half stars from Leonard. The year... Didn't work out so good. Oh, man, it's the rocker again. The year... The year is 2000. He says about this movie
Starting point is 01:22:05 that there's an unrated version that's available. He also calls this movie... He says the lead actor in this movie gives a dynamic performance and that it was followed by a direct-to-video sequel. Direct-to-video, that's an expression. And then he lists nine names. How many, JP?
Starting point is 01:22:34 I don't feel like I got a lot of information here. I'm going to say... I can do it in seven names. Oh, okay. I thought you were trying to pull a Sam Levine. I don't think I... Zero names. Four.
Starting point is 01:22:53 So he's taken seven out of them there, Brody. What do you think? I don't... Yeah, not enough information. I could probably name it in eight. We're not looking for what you can actually do you'd have to you'll have to bid six to be one lower than
Starting point is 01:23:15 than JP's bid you know what or you can ask him to name it okay I think I'll do that what you want to name it why don't you name it? Alright, so he gets the name.
Starting point is 01:23:27 JP gets seven out of nine names. I probably should have tried, but... I don't know, I feel I have mixed feelings about it. But is that what we're doing? You can say six, and then Mark would have to... Don't pass it, don't pass it over. And then Mark would have to name it in six, or he'd have to pass it on.
Starting point is 01:23:44 I wasn't paying attention. There's no info. You know what, I'll keep... You know what then Mark would have to name it in six, or he'd have to pass it on. I wasn't paying attention. There's no info. You know what? Okay. I can name it in six names. Yeah! You know what? Show them, bro.
Starting point is 01:23:54 I can name it in five names! I can name it in four. Now, that sounded like someone named Leon. I have no idea what this is. What? Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I was going to say I can name it in four. Go ahead. I said he sounded like someone named Leon the I have no idea what this is. What? Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was going to say I couldn't even afford it. Go ahead.
Starting point is 01:24:06 I said he sounded like someone named Leon the way he just said that. Oh. Yeah, he did. You're absolutely right. All right. Sorry. He said five, and what do you say, John? I mean, there's no info there.
Starting point is 01:24:17 There's nothing. It's 2000. It's double. That's all you've said. I've got to say. What? I said one and a half from Leonard's. Yeah. It's not very good according to him.
Starting point is 01:24:26 Year 2000. Filmed in Toronto. It's supposed to be New York. That's nothing. I also said the lead actor gives a dynamic performance. And I also said... Did I mention the unrated version? And it was followed by a directed video sequel.
Starting point is 01:24:45 Those are great clues. Doug did a face. I don't know if I can do this. Face time. I think I have to pass that. So it's now to me for five. Yeah, you can go four. You can say three.
Starting point is 01:24:59 I know you're just going to send it back to me. You can say two. There's no way. I don't know. I don't know what JP would do with that. What am I at? I know. Four. I said five.
Starting point is 01:25:13 He's going to get five out of nine if you say name it. I'm going to send it to you for four or for three now? No, you're saying four. You're saying four. Name it in four. I would like you to hear four actors' names.
Starting point is 01:25:27 This is crazy, man. Yeah, you predicted your own undoing. Dynamic performance. Yeah. Here's your four names. Maybe those will help. Oh, I could ask him to name it? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:36 I'll give you the four names. Okay. He just asked you to name it. No, I know. It's on you. I understand. Okay. Please tell me the four names.
Starting point is 01:25:43 Where are your glasses? You should have asked me to name it. I don't need them. I only need them for eights and sixes. Does your phone need glasses? Really? Mm-hmm. That's adorable.
Starting point is 01:25:51 What about a double? Why is your failing eye so cute? I don't wear the glasses. My phone does. Matt Ross. I did put my glasses on the phone. I know you did phone Genevieve Turner's in this movie fantastic mm-hmm Justin Theroux okay mr. Jennifer Aniston well yeah okay so no there isn't no Jennifer Aniston is not in this nor does she go by mr. Jennifer Aniston and Chloe Chloe Saveny.
Starting point is 01:26:26 Chloe Saveny, yeah. The often naked Chloe Saveny. How many names was that? Three? That's your four names. That's my four? I thought that was three. Quickly again, please.
Starting point is 01:26:34 I'm so sorry. You get four, and Matt Ross does not matter. Okay, yeah. Genevieve Turner, that's a good clue, I think. Oh, man, if Matt Ross was at home listening to this. What? That really hurt. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:50 Oh, sorry, Matt Ross. He's going to strap on the tightest headband he can find. Play along with the ride. Justin Theroux and? Chloe Sevigny. Sevigny. Dynamic performance. We're out of time. Okay.
Starting point is 01:27:04 Straight to DVD. There's no way this is even it, but I'm going to say Liar Liar. I know it's a dumb one. Any answer that's wrong could be considered a dumb answer. So don't feel bad. Because, you know.
Starting point is 01:27:18 I don't feel bad. It seems like they probably did that. They probably shot that here. I'm thinking Dynamic Performance. There could have been a sequel I'm unaware of that was unrated. You know, they go mental with the sequels. Yeah. They just, no ratings.
Starting point is 01:27:34 He's just lying about sexual diseases. 2000, does that even make sense? Yeah, it does. Liar, liar. Okay, good answer. It's wrong. The correct answer is American Psycho. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:46 And I think I just did this movie on the show recently because the word turgid is in the review. We had a long discussion about turgid before. But right on schedule, our winner is J.P. Manu. J.P. By default.
Starting point is 01:28:02 Great job. Never had to answer a question. Good for you. Defense. Let me get all the name tags. There were, I don't want to say losers. Let's just call you donut stompers. And can I have yours too there, Brody?
Starting point is 01:28:23 Shit, this is unwieldy. No, I got it. And then, thanks, John. And then the person who won all this stuff, what's the name again? Jesse Usher. Jesse. Jumanji. Can you come try to take all of it?
Starting point is 01:28:41 Do you have a team of people that can help you carry away your glorious bounty? Can Jesse have that back? Any items you don't want, just feel free to leave them on the stage. Jesse, if you don't want the pass. But you can have it. You can have it. Are you a Blue Jays fan, Jesse?
Starting point is 01:28:56 Do you want Brody to have that? He wants Brody to have it back, you guys. Thank you. It meant a lot to me. Joey Batts and I have the same beard. I like when that little boy has the girl behind him the baseball. Thank you for giving it back to me, Jesse. Thank you, John.
Starting point is 01:29:11 Sorry for putting the mic in front of the speaker. No worries. What a pro. Anything, uh, anything? No, don't do it again. Anything to plug, John Doerr? Um, I always like to, yeah, go to PearlJam.com.
Starting point is 01:29:28 They got some great stuff going on. Trying to help the independent scene a little bit. Check them out. Go ahead. Mark forward. Still with us. Still alive. Headband and all. When does it come off? Like at the very end?
Starting point is 01:29:45 No, I'm going to wear it. To your other shows? I'm going to wear it to my other shows tonight. Finishing off at 11pm. That's a performer, man. And I'm not going to mention it to the other crowds. You could slip it off while Meatballs is playing. No one would know.
Starting point is 01:30:05 Do you know Pete Holmes uses a vaporizer between shows? Like a dehumidifier? Oh, a dehumidifier. I thought you were trying to out him as a podcast.
Starting point is 01:30:12 A humidifier between shows. Oh, that's interesting. It is very interesting. So you gotta keep your voice annoying if you're Pete Holmes. Yeah! You can just check out my podcast
Starting point is 01:30:25 Mark Forward Podcast Mark Forward Podcast on iTunes Brody Stevens likes to podcast Yeah, I don't do it consistently enough but would you like me to promote something? Yeah, whatever you like Yeah, you're right
Starting point is 01:30:41 Even though you have a tight headband on you realize what's going on right now I'm currently on an American television show With David Spade and Nick Swartzen And Chuck Liddell And Turtle from Entourage What's it called? Fox Sports Fantasy Football Uncensored
Starting point is 01:31:00 I don't know if it's available here But it's a fun show We do it all week through the football season And it's a good time being up there with the guys. Sounds fun. I'd watch that. It's on once a week. I don't give a shit about the game, but I'd watch that.
Starting point is 01:31:14 Sounds fun. The game. JP, what's going on, man? Your show is coming back. Yeah, we're going to start working on Season 2 of Spun Out on CTV next week. You can see episodes from season one if you go to ctv.ca.
Starting point is 01:31:29 Maybe they rerun on Comedy Channel right now. Or if you fly Air Canada, we're part of the in-flight entertainment. Me and Wayne Gretzky watched it. I begged two Australian girls sitting next to me to sample this. Hey, try this out. They're like, thanks.
Starting point is 01:31:49 You tried to get them to watch your show on the air? Yeah, while I was sitting next to them, and then it got creepy where I was like, it's this easy, just hit the button. JP Manu, never desperate. I don't think this shithead's going to go over well. One more round of applause for all of my guests, you guys.
Starting point is 01:32:08 J.P. Manu, Brody Stevens, Mark Forward, and John Dore. All right, as always, that guy wearing a bowler hat on the TTC who wouldn't move his bag off the seat next to him is a shithead. Topical. Topical. Griffin's friend Steve is a shithead.
Starting point is 01:32:43 Yes! And this is a double, which I don't like permitting but I think I have to just to just because of the reaction of this first one the Toronto Blue Jays are a shithead too soon but at least this guy picks his battles. And my printer for running out of ink. It's a shit head. Now it's time for Doug to watch a gun. Dougie, eyes of gold, his viewing crowd was big.
Starting point is 01:33:18 Tim, Pocky, there's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug, Doug, Dougie's.

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